#Aro Asks

[bul-ba-saurs]

hey dude! another butch lesbian here on T for 9 months! getting top surgery next august! you are not alone

Thanks for reaching out. These asks really help me feel better. Congrats on starting T. What has your experience been like as a lesbian on T?

[aro-but-not-ace]

Anyone have any questions or anything they want to know about being aroallo or just aro in general? I want to revitalize this blog and also I love answering questions in general. Send anything into my ask box! Even if you just want to say hi!! :)

[demiro-allosexual-culture-is]

10 and 18 for the arospec ask game if it isn’t too late?

10. Probably what frustrates me the most about amatonormativity is that monogamy and having children is expected? I think personally I am way more frustrated by aros misusing the term to call aplatonics who like romance "amatonormative" and hate on people for not prioritising friendship and family(Im extremely disgusted by both and any nonrose things so I must be these aros' nightmares or something lol), and Im very frustrated by platonormativity. I like romance sometimes, and I'm from a romance negative culture that frowns on romance and emphasizes arranged marriage instead, and that is something I want to avoid. Romance, however, under the right conditions I do want to engage in.

And I prioritise my sexual and romantic-sexual partners over everyone else, I don't want any other close relationships at all and of course Id value my partners and myself over other people. Thats just how I function. If I didn't have partners, I would prioritise myself over other people mainly. I can't say I feel very impacted by amatonormativity just because Im arospec, but again Im not living in America right now so obviously the way it is in my culture varies greatly from a theory created in the context of the western world.

But about the norms in my culture, I feel like its that people wouldn't understand my romantic-sexual or sexual relationships because its w other headmates in my system, so Id appear single since we aren't open about being plural irl. Some of my peers may think its weird that Im aro, bc they may think queerness is weird. But a lot of them are very careful about romance because of romance negativity and how their family may not approve (yes, even 'cis straight passing' romance), yet expect people to feel romantic attraction. Some of them just seem to resign themself to the idea of being married off in an arranged marriage because thats what their parents want. Maybe some genuinely want that for themself, Im not exactly sure? but I don't want that, and I have partners already.

Basically I will never relate to wanting arranged marriage, and the way I approach romance is not traditional bc Im demiromantic allosexual and nonfriending aplatonic(I can't perform friendship, which is expected as a precursor to romance), and polyamorous/polyerosous. I feel like because the opposite is expected, the way I require a sexual relationship to even feel romantic attraction and a desire to be in a romantic relationship may be frowned upon due to sex negativity and amatonormativity in general, and bc that deviates from the arranged marriage norm where I live. And I don't want to raise kids (not even as a single parent or coparent), and thats a 'step' often expected in romance and marriage, although my current partners don't particularly require that in a relationship. And all that is what I feel makes amatonormativity or an equivalent to it, impact me in my culture.

I think that either amatonormativity should be broadened to include similar enforcement of societal norms that aren't covered by just talking about white european or american norms, or other terms should be coined to refer to this. I feel like either ppl online are narrowing the scope of what amatonormativity includes, or they are being overly eurocentric and americentric about it. I feel the way Elizabeth Brake's theory is explained definitely doesn't fully explain the attitudes in my culture about romance and marriage. And that is very likely because it was formed in a western context.

18. I only ship romantic-sexual and sexual ships. I can't say Im really invested in reading about romance aspects but more so the attraction? I relate to feeling romantic and sexual attraction which is probably why I ship those ships. Im kind of repulsed by nonsexual-in-intent ships that are romantic so I never ship them. I avoid fiction where the romance is stated to have no sexual attraction bc it repulses me. Sometimes I get really bored of a ship once it becomes canon, like theres no more suspense or anticipation I guess? (example - Lumity in the owl house). I don't like slow burn because its extremely boring and often involves friendship, which Im repulsed by.

I think sometimes I may ship characters or focus on shipping just because it makes me feel sick to think about friendship, even in media. Considering the characters as romantically or sexually involved is not repulsion inducing so I prefer it. I also hate ships where ppl write them as telling each other they are friends as well as partners, or friends to lovers bc ew (plato repulsed).

Either way the main type of shipping I prefer is sexual self shipping because I have fictional sexual crushes(I never feel romantic attraction to fictional characters) I ship myself with, sometimes also fluff or romance-coded self ship content that I feel like I can interpret as having sexual attraction as the intent. I may also avoid canon or fanon ships of characters I have crushes on, if it causes me to feel jealous.

arospec ask game :

[gwen-cheers-me-up]

What is your dream aromantic themed fanfic?

Tysm for this ask!

Okay this is super niche, but my dream aro fanfic is a BBC merlin cyborg/android AU where the Pendragons run a company that build AI robots. Uther has put all sorts of laws in place that limit the production of robots by anyone outside of the Pendragons' company (allowing for uncertified robots to be dismantled if uncovered), and the robots are known to be different from humans in certain ways in order to prevent them from having certain rights. Most relevant to the plot: they are not capable of feeling love.

Emrys is the latest model, and Morgana is tasked with determining whether or not Emrys can feel love. As she interacts with Emrys Ex-Machina-style, however, anxiety builds inside her as she realizes she doesn't feel love. And in her world, that means she's barely human.

Interspersed between these scenes, we have an Arthur/Gwen plotline unfolding. Gwen works at the Pendragon's company building AI robots, and she and Arthur fall in love, but when she holds him close, she notices something: there's a...ticking in his chest rather than a heartbeat.

As it turns out, when Nimueh worked at the company, she helped Uther and Ygraine build a son, but it was essential to their business model that the truth about AI robots (that they are no less human than people born from a womb) stay secret, so Arthur's true origin had to likewise be kept from both Arthur and the rest of the world.

While Gwen deals with this new information, Morgana continues her tests on Emrys. Morgana's dread builds as Emrys reveals signs that perhaps he does feel love. She starts listening to her heartbeat regularly, afraid that one day she'll hear a ticking. After all, even this robot is more human than she is.

Emrys, however, cannot feel love. He is simply adapting to the information he is given, and the only way he can see himself becoming free is by proving to them he is human enough to feel love. So he pretends to fall in love with Morgana, using the love stories that have been fed into his algorithm as a guide.

I think this fic would be a fun way to explore the whole "love is what makes us human" myth, and it could go in so many fun directions, like Gwen and Emrys teaming up to fight for the rights of robotic folks or Arthur going public about his mechanical heart, forcing Uther to choose between his son and his business interests.

[toribookworm22]

53 for the arospec asks!

Hello, lovely!

Hell yeah! Coming in strong!

53. What is the best part about being aro? 

For me, I think the absolutely best part about being aro is just the sense of belonging that comes with the term. I've always been aro, but knowing it let's me enjoy all the good.

Being aro has let me dismantle all the lies amanormativity built up in my head and discover what it is that I truly want out of my life. Which is amazing! The freedom detaching myself from romance has granted me is honestly breathtaking. I'm kind of ranting now, but the sense of community is wonderful, too. I've always felt a little bit on the outside. But I'm not anymore. I have a place and a people that belong to me just as much as I belong to them.

Thank you for the ask!! 🥰

[koifishanonymous]

for the aro ask game: 4 5 6 9 12 16 19 :)

hey thanks for the ask!

4. Are you out as aro?

only to a few people, online i'm very out but most people irl don't get the concept of being aro the same way i don't get the concept of romance

5. How did you figure out you are aro?

well for a starter, i didn't get the point of romance in general. i vividly remember asking why all the music on the radio was always about love, because to me there was so much more to know and to sing about than love, which in retrospect is very telling. and then when i started reasing fanfic i never got why saying ''i love you'' was such a big deal to the ships, because i thought i would've said it easily, had i had the chance. and then i found out that aromantic was a thing, and as my friends did feel romantic attraction, i felt it necessary for me to id as grayromantic. ofc i changed labels many times since that, but i think i always knew to some level that i was aro :)

6. What is your favourite part about being aromantic?

the detachment from romance i think, like i love reading about characters falling in love, hell i even like setting people up irl (an aromantic cliche, i know) but god forbid any of those tropes happen to me. i would rather die than wake up tangled up with someone else because we had to share a bed (/lh, i'm just touch-averse :])

9. What is your favourite aro-spec identity flag?

definitely the arospec flag! the greens are soothing, but i also like the aroflux one!

12. Do you have any friends, acquaintances or other people you know that are aro-spec?

i know a few people, not very closely irl

16. What are your views on romance? Could include if you are romance repulsed / favourable / etc?

as i've said, romance is cool but only in theory. to me romance is a work of fiction, something that is interesting to think about only because it isn't real (to me). it's like time travel

19. Is there a song that is very aromantic to you?

home by cavetown, i know it's regarded as a trans anthem generally, but literally the first lines are about love so i view the rest of the song as aro as well :)

[iveofficiallygonemad]

12, 18, 19

12. Do you have any friends, acquaintances or other people you know that are aro-spec?

Yep! A chunk of my closest friends are also aro-spec! :3

18. Do you have any aro-spec headcanons?

Oh absolutely! Twiyor (from spy x family) is SO queerplatonic to me! I see them both as aro. Neither of them seem interested in romance, and entered a committed relationship with no expectations to have any so! Tbh most romantic ships I love (like Narumitsu, Ladynoir) ALSO have a very queerplatonic flavor to me. Like, they work so well as a team and have such a deep bond because of it and care about each other so immensely: queerplatonic. If you wanna get character specific, I hc phoenix as Ace and and miles as aro/aro-spec. Adrien is def aroace-spec to me, whereas I don't hc marinette as either. I feel like my hcs for pjo characters are most fluid, like, if someone posts abt a character being aro and it feels right i'm like hell yea!

19. Is there a song that is very aromantic to you?

Like Real People Do by Hozier is both aro and poly to me

Moses Sumney has an album called Aromanticism, and from there I really liked the song "Don't Bother Calling." He's got a really lovely voice and the album has a pretty introspective vibe.

[aromantisk-fagforening]

5, 17, 19 for aro asks (if havent already answered those)

How did you figure out you are aro?

That's a difficult one. Honestly I barely remember most of the questioning process. I remember trying to talk to an allo about attraction, and she kinda made it clear that attraction wasn't a choice, which had been my understanding for a while. (clueless aro here lol). Also just, learning just how many attractions there are. I don't know if I feel any at this moment, but mainly knowing there are so many ways to feel about people made me lower my guard to aromanticsm.

Do you have any aro related labels that don’t fit into the other groups (like loveless / lovequeer / amatopunk / etc)?

I'm a bit confused by the phrasing, but I'm assuming the question is what aro subcultures/labels I best align with. Maybe lovequeer. Maybe more like microlabels, but I do vibe with non-amorous, romance averse/repulsed (varies). (feel free to send again if I misunderstood, no stress)

Is there a song that is very aromantic to you?

A couple:

Perfume by lovejoy (well, one of the characters)

Tell me this is not an aroace being excluded because of either no crushes or no partner and pretending to have crushes/gets a partner who she pretends to like to be included.

Cute thing by Car seat headrest (the live version is best)

This is one of my comfort songs when I trigger my romance repulsion. It reads like aroallo (alloallo4aroallo kinda) or sex favorable romance repulsed aro to me. It also kinda works as lovelustic.

How do you love? by the regrettes

This is about romantic (+ sexual?) love (or possibly pda) btw (it references a couple before). This sounds like something I would've said before lol. Kinda loveless-core.

[apocalypsewriters]

9, 23, & 50 for the aro ask game! 🙃

hey tori! (i didn't realise we had this in common until today so 💚)

9. What made you realise you were aspec / arospec?

hh okay kinda complicated and cringy answer. i found the term asexual in fanfic, looked it up, sat on it, before deciding it fit. along the way I found aro and adopted that too. one of the deciding factors was magnus bane from the shadowhunters chronicles. i realised that most anyone else with such strong feelings about someone (fictional or not) would consider it a crush and i. didn't. definitely an oh moment

23. Most underrated form of intimacy?

i don't know if these are underrated, but they're definitely the ones I enjoy the most: head scratches and familial kisses on whatever bit of skin is closest. i love lying in my friends laps with their hand on my head giving slow scratches. and I often restrain myself from pulling up a hand I'm holding to press my lips against it. i feel like I'm making this seem way more sensual and charged than it is; id do the same thing with my younger sisters. if anything this is an underrated platonic intimacy

50. Any arospec headcanons?

(is this revenge or curiosity, tori) some of these are gonna be pretty obscure so props to anyone that gets these.

Sawyeh Noor from the venture maidens fate campaign. she's pretty heavily ace/aro coded and I think it was accidental in the beginning but I think naseem leaned into it by the end, which i appreciate

slake from legendlark. they are just so clueless i don't think they have a complete grasp on what romance even is. they haven't had to roll to fall in love, so frankly, I don't think they can in the way that's implied

peridot from steven universe is a popular one I support. for one, she's green, and also she has the vibes

there are more that i can't think of rn and there's also the category in my brain of "too cool for romance" but that's something different

[sirompp]

hi. i made some images.

feel free to take them and use for whatever you may need them for. no credit required

[edalynn-ink]

This came to me in a dream

[bul-ba-saurs]

I love that a lot of people like us with 'weird' identities are accepting of the contradictory ones. Makes me feel a lot more safe in this community for some reason. We're aro but not ace! We're lesbians and guys or girls and gays and that's great about us

While I agree with what you said I wouldn't call any of my identities weird or contradictory personally

[a-rabbit-obsessed-queer]

Aspec men deserve much more respect and recognition in the aspec community than they receive. They often face a different form of aphobia specific to them ("men are naturally sexual they can't be ace" "all men are unromantic that's not unique") this rhetoric is spouted by many, even members of our own community and I hope for a day where that is no longer the case. As an ace and demiro woman (demigirl but that's beside the point) I want to encourage folks to take the time to give the aspec men in their lives support and to the aspec men reading, you are who you say you are no matter what people say and you deserve the world. I'm sorry for the ways in which toxic masculinity has harmed you. You are a valued member of the aspec community and the queer community as a whole. No ace or aro person is broken and neither are you. I'm sorry if anyone has ever told you otherwise.

[neptune-scythe]

Petition for Agender and aroace tags to have the flag colours thanks

[toribookworm22]

1, 11, and 15 for the aro ask game if you would!

Hey, Essie! Thank you, love! 💚🤍🖤

1. Where are you on the aro-spectrum?

I am fully aromantic. Green as it gets. (I like how that sounds 😄)

11. Would you want a romantic relationship? 

Not really. I thought I wanted a romantic relationship for about 5 years before realizing I was aro. And then everything kind of clicked into place: the thought of me being in a romantic relationship isn't a pleasant one.

15. What made you realise you wanted a queerplatonic/romantic relationship [if you ever did / do]

I'm gonna answer for the NOT portion of a romantic relationship first. So I've never really been in a relationship, but I've been in some romantic situations that, given more time, probably would've turned into one. I didn't realize it at the time, but those situations actually gave me really bad anxiety eventually, making me not want to talk to the person involved, even though he was my best friend. That same anxiety and sinking feeling is attached to most thoughts of me in a romantic relationship.

Separately, I have been thinking a lot about QPRs in the past couple months. I do think a QPR is something I will eventually consider, as I do think a stable committed relationship is something I want in my life and QPRs are set up to give people the exact boundaries that they need. I'm still working through a lot of the negative feelings that tell me I don't deserve a relationship (thank you amanormativity and co), but I think in the future, I'll be ready to start that part of my life.

Thank you so much for the ask!!! 🥰

[koifishanonymous]

6, 8 and 19 for the aro game<3

heya thanks for the ask!

6. What is your favourite part about being aromantic?

i answered this already, but i'll elaborate here. i really enjoy the detachment i feel from romance, like it's something i can study. affection of any kind to me is very foreign so i feel like reading romance and found family even makes me understand everyone else a little more :)

8. Do you associate anything with being ‘aromantic culture’?

anything i do. especially ancient eldritch horror. those are inherently aromantic.

19. Is there a song that is very aromantic to you?

home by cavetown, despair by leo, you're on your own kid by taylor swift and your sister was right by wilbur soot!