#April24

[kvothes]

happy national POETRY MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[madasrabbits]

and my april photo diary at last … a lovely blue month. terribly sweet

[elkedageenfotovanluus]

kippies geprint

[clovercrumbs]

I notice that one of my friend circles has a running joke that everyone is secretly in love with one another. It's a group of primarily bi & hetero cis men who will randomly pretend to lean in for a kiss or make jokes about how they're going to make out later. It's all good-natured and fun, and really just a light hearted way for them to express affection and make jokes about sexuality in a comfortable space.

However, I also notice this sort of unspoken boundary that I can't cross into the same sort of humor. Despite having made it clear (in my own opinion) that I'm not interested in any of them—or romance & sex with other people in general—I sense a discomfort whenever I try to make similar jokes. I'm easily identifiable as afab (not really "out" as agender) & it's known that I've been in relationships with men in the past so maybe they just assume I'm straight or that there's the possibility for it to be more than a joke.

Part of me questions if this has to do with the tendency to consider homo relationships as less significant or "real" (I know several cis hetero relationships where the boyfriends don't consider their girlfriends cheating if they do anything with women). Could it be that there's some sort of internalized belief that any expression of attraction to men has to be satirical for them? Despite also being exploratory in their sexualities with other men as a very real experience?

But the other part of me knows it's that they don't believe in my lack of attraction & interest in relationships with them. They don't believe in my own assessment of my feelings. They don't believe in my discovery and trust in myself. They don't trust that even if something were to change in my feelings that I would be open to communicating with them and willing to change the way I acted. Maybe they're just afraid to try or experience any change at all in the friendship we have now. But regardless it still makes me sad that I can't explore that same playfulness and fluidity of relationships that they feel safe enough to experience with each other. Maybe it's just that we're not close enough in general and I've been misunderstanding the entire dynamic. I don't know.

10 04 24

[raccoonfallsharder]

april aspirations

tuesday, april 2: ꧁･:☁︎⋆. cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂chapter five. o'erpine.❤︎

thursday, april 4: doodle queue reopens!

monday, april 8: ･:*𑁍✧˚₊ overheard on the bowie [oneshot preview] ❤︎❤︎

thursday, april 11: ꧁･:☁︎⋆. cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂chapter six. lockheartedness. ✩

sunday, april 14: rocket raccoon prompt week ✷.⁺⋆˚₊ (nothing new)✮✩ ✷ crossposting to ao3 begins ✷ tumblr masterlist posted wednesday, april 17

monday, april 22: ꧁･:☁︎⋆. cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂chapter seven. starlorn. ✩

saturday, april 27: florescence❀ Year Three. Flowering. ✩

fluff. smut-free, can usually be read platonically or romantically ✮ spice. explicit lines or references ✩ smut. abbreviated explicit sequences ❤︎ smut. detailed/prolonged or numerous abbreviated explicit sequences ❤︎❤︎

i don't usually highlight previews like i am with ･:*𑁍✧˚₊ overheard on the bowie but i am like...so giddy about this one. it's so smutty but i think it's also going to be... so much fun lol (for me anyway)

also i'll be crossposting the rocket prompt week stuff to ao3 (nothing new for you delightful folks but there are a few people over there who don't tumblr and have asked what they're missing out on over here. i'm debating posting some of the better headcanons too. just trying to figure out if it should be as a collection of individual pieces or an anthology work.) mostly i wanted to give you a heads up so you wouldn’t see an update and get excited when it’s something you’ve already read.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆ other things i'm working on ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆ for may and beyond...

꧁･:☁︎⋆. cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂chapter seven. starlorn. ✩

florescence❀, chapter five year four: formation. ❤︎❤︎

꧁･:☁︎⋆. cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂chapter eight. starlorn.❤︎

⭑˚.⚘𖡼𖥧𖤣 windfall, part three: candied apples. ❤︎❤︎

･:*𑁍✧˚₊ overheard on the bowie. oneshot. ❤︎❤︎ ︎

warm compress ☾.༊·˚⋆⭒˚｡⋆oneshot (title subject to change).✮

✩࿐࿔ take what you need. [on standby] ✮

for the future...⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆

untitled⋆｡°✩ Domestic Scenes (aka Sweatshirt Girl) ✩°｡⋆"finale" ❤︎❤︎

:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟcosmic knowledge. oneshot (title subject to change). ✮

love is blind: andromeda (title subject to change). [undecided rating]

broken machinery *ੈ✩࿐‧₊˚oneshot (title subject to change). [undecided rating]

᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊°.⋆｡✶˖ evasive maneuvers (practice expansion) ❤︎❤︎

★♫｡°𝄞☕︎✎▤ other duties as assigned ▤✎☕︎ 𝄞°｡♫★✩ -❤︎❤︎

sunshine ☀︎ ⋆⁺☁︎⋆₊⊹ (sunshine expansion) ❤︎❤︎

[kelsevi]

apr 9

saris in a cute fit pt 1

[biographiness]

📚🇮🇪🌌Legacy, Bravery, and Stellar Gaze: On this day on April 24, knowledge bloomed at the heart of our nation, bravery etched destiny, and our gaze extended beyond the stars.🌟🚀

Follow👉 @biographiness

[famousdeaths]

Otis Spann was an American blues musician, whom many consider to be the leading postwar Chicago blues pianist.

Link: Otis Spann

[famousborntoday]

Eric Snow is an American basketball coach and former professional player. He played the point guard position in the National Basketball Association from 1995 to...

Link: Eric Snow

[elkedageenfotovanluus]

overal mooie bloemetjes

[clovercrumbs]

Attempt to reach out to the seasoned aroace spec elders:

Has anyone ever had any past romantic &/or sexual relationships that felt really good at the time and you thought were healing and helpful and now you look back with a sense of disgust and even fear? Even if objectively speaking the way that person treated you wasn't bad or harmful, but because there's any sort of romantic/sexual expectation associated with them you can't stomach thinking about it?

And have you ever attempted to be friends but you just maintain that sick feeling because there's a chance they still want you sexually or romantically? That they've seen you in that way and you at one point consented to it?

Please if you have any insight/experience to share I would really appreciate it.

[kelseyraeartistnpc]

Did you know that on April 24th, in 1184 BC, the Greeks entered Troy using the famous Trojan Horse? Talk about a surprise entrance! 🐴 Let this be a reminder that sometimes the most unexpected methods lead to victory. Keep pushing forward, and never underestimate your potential! 💪✨

[everydayhoroscope]

Personal Birthday Horoscope for April 25

This year brings opportunities for new projects and an unforgettable emotional journey. Your close friends might experience interesting developments in their romantic relationships. Expect increased interactions with children and possible maternity news.

This year, you will have the opportunity to embark on new projects. You may also experience an important or emotional journey that you will remember for a long time. Photo by Rachel Claire on Pexels.com Your close friends may experience an interesting development or a romantic relationship. You are likely to have more interactions with children throughout the year and may receive news related…

[leaving-anorexia-behind]

19.04.24

After a busy shift at work, I met with the manager of the service (who's also a dietitian) and to say it was tough would be a massive understatement. I only saw her for 10/ 15 minutes and it left me in floods of tears. She said she didn't understand why I was restricting, that I needed to get on with following my meal plan, and "put (my) big girl pants on". I felt so hurt and frustrated. I had 12 days left of the 28 day notice THEY had given and absolutely nowhere to go, no assessments for anywhere, nothing.

I was confused, hurt and terrified due to the situation I had found myself in and yet she was the one who didn't understand. It didn't help she went on to day that moving to somewhere new was exciting. It probably would be if I were actually ready to do so, but I'm far from it!

After speaking to the manager, I saw the clinical lead from residential, I was given an update that I wasn't expecting to hear. I can stay at residential for 3 more months while my home team looks for a suitable placement. If nowhere is found, a 28-day notice will once again be given, but that is the absolute longest they are willing to have me for. So I have until mid-July, ideally, mid-August at the latest.

I asked if it was because of my risk that they were doing this. Her answer was fair, but I could tell she was sad and regretful. She went through the past 5 years, and I've been to the general psych 3 times because my depression became so bad that I constantly seriously contemplated ending my life. Attempts were made, and ultimately, they didn't feel they could support me.

The final straw was me going quiet and keeping things about how I was feeling etc to myself. They know that is a major sign that I'm planning to end my life. They felt up out of their depth and worried for my safety. Also, the housing manager who has worked with a lot of clients who were suicidal (some did take their lives) would always say that with me it's not a case of if, it's a case of when as unlike 90% of people who say they're suicidal (they want something to be different, but not actually die) I actually do want to end my life as I've had enough.

At the end of the day, they are an ED residential facility with unlocked doors, and the house is not equipped with non ligature points. Plus, the staff aren't particularly trained in mental health issues, especially severe and chronic depression like I have. Even though my ED is still very much an issue, they just don't feel they can keep me safe, and I completely understood where she was coming from.

It feels harder because the past couple of weeks, my mood has ever so slightly improved. I've gone from actively planning to passively thinking about ending my life, which is a major step forward in itself.

I felt very upset, disappointed, and hopeless. I just don't see how anywhere can help me as there aren't any places that treat BOTH severe depression and anorexia. Even the clinical lead agreed and said the NHS were failing people like me.

She said that if I'm able to use their service over the next 3 months, hopefully, I'll be in a place where I can manage my ED better and be ready for a less intensive ED supported environment.

At the end of our session, she told me I was so important and would always hold a special place in her heart, as well as the service. She asked if she could give me a hug and as she did, tears welled up all over again and it seemed like she was admitting defeat.

I wish all of this had been explained to me before they gave me a 28-day notice.