#Apple MAX laptop | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sirfrogsworth · 5 months ago

Text

Froggie's Guide to Budget Headphones

@nimrella I am more well versed in traditional audio and home theater with big honking speakers, so I don't have much personal experience with headphones and headphone accessories. But I can tell you what I've learned from other people who are in the headphone world. And since you are starting more within the "budget" range I think I am somewhat qualified to guide you at this level.

You have three paths to choose from...

Wireless, low impedance wired (no amplification required), and high impedance wired (amplification required).

Basically... easy, medium, and hard.

But also... good, better, best.

Wireless Headphones

Wireless headphones have come a long way. Audiophiles used to scoff at them but now there are options that really do sound fantastic and the Bluetooth data rates are good enough to deliver high resolution audio. They also have noise cancellation options which may be desirable. If you do not have a quiet, dedicated space for listening to music you might find high end noise cancellation a godsend. People love them especially for planes, trains, and automobiles.

I don't know if everyone knows how noise cancellation works or not, but basically the headphones have microphones that listen to the world around you. They measure the incoming sound and then generate an opposite sound that just about kills ambient noise. If you play the same sound 180 degrees out of phase it basically nullifies those sound waves. The tech works best between 50 Hz and 1000 Hz. For reference we hear between 20 Hz and 20,000 Hz (lower if you are old). So anything super high or super low pitched can still get through.

In any case, if that sounds appealing, wireless headphones should be a consideration.

The other advantage of wireless headphones would be the ease of use. They pair to your phone, your laptop, your TV. They have controls to help you pause and skip songs and change volume. Some allow you to take phone calls.

But the big downside is the sound quality takes a bit of a hit. As I said, the bluetooth standards have actually gotten very very good. (Though there are audiophiles who will swear it still sounds like a 1990s MP3.) So streaming the actual media files are not really an issue. But trying to cram all of that tech into lightweight headphones you can wear around town all day requires compromises and added expense. Not to mention the battery has a limited lifespan. You may have more limited or inconsistent frequency response, poor dynamic range, distortion problems, weak output, and a high noise floor. Wireless options still can't match wired headphone systems in the same price range. And the wireless options that come close are quite spendy.

Wireless Headphones Suggestions

In your price range the two wireless options that I hear mentioned over and over again are the Sony WH-1000 series and the Bose QuietComfort. They are both well regarded for having a good mix of sound quality and noise cancellation while also being a decent value. You might be able to visit a Best Buy and demo them to see if you prefer the sound and comfort of one over the other.

The Apple AirPods Max are said to work really well within the Apple ecosystem. They have some interesting spatial sound modes and very good audio quality. I've heard the noise cancellation is some of the best currently available. But they seem too expensive and a lot of people feel they are too heavy. I also suspect they are due for an update. That said, if you wait for the new ones to come out and buy used, they could come into your price range. I'd really only suggest these if you have multiple Apple products that you will be streaming sound from.

Before we move into wired headphones, let's go over some terms that you might see pop up when doing research and reading reviews.

Froggie's Glossary of Audiophile Terminology

Driver A speaker is made up of drivers. Some speakers have a woofer, a midrange, and a tweeter. Each individual thing is a driver. And with headphones you will often hear "headphone driver" instead of speaker because it is more specific. Headphones typically have an all-in-one driver that does all frequencies. A woofymidteet.

That's not a thing.

I made that up.

Frequency Response This is the range of frequencies produced by the drivers from low to high. You want to make sure your headphones have good, deep bass. That will make more of a difference than anything else. It's the foundation of all sound and what is sorely lacking in devices with small/cheap speakers.

Music typically doesn't go much below 40 Hz in the bass range. So if you are only interested in music listening, that is plenty deep. Movies can go down to 20 Hz, but this isn't necessary for a good immersive experience unless you have giant subwoofers. So if you find something that can play ~40 Hz with decent output, you should be all good. Every speaker has a frequency response curve. It looks something like this.

The X-axis represents the frequency and the Y-axis represents the volume in decibels. We are most concerned with the 40 to 10K Hz section, as most sound happens there.

I'm not going to go super in-depth and overwhelm everyone, but typically you want this graph to look fairly flat in that range. A flat-ish line will give you a "neutral" response.

The above graph gets a little bumpy in the high frequencies. That means those frequencies will have a higher volume than the lower frequencies. If a higher frequency has a big peak, that could make your sound seem too bright or tinny.

Or you could have the opposite problem. You could have a null in the bass where the output dips below everything else. This can make your sound a bit anemic and lacking punch.

Whereas a more flat speaker will output all frequencies at about the same volume and sound much more balanced and smooth.

Equalization or EQ A flat response is good because it will accept EQ well. Equalization is where you add peaks and dips in volume deliberately to taste.

This can be as simple as 3 knobs.

Or it can be a more complicated parametric EQ.

A lot of digital EQ methods have presets to help get you started. I promise it isn't as intimidating as it looks.

Some people like to buy speakers/headphones that are EQ'd how they prefer out of the box. (Or if you get Beats by Dre they just turn the bass all the way up and say "Fuck them other frequencies!") But this is often a bit of a crapshoot because it is hard to EQ a speaker that sounds good in every room or every environment or just to varying individual preferences.

By making the speaker more neutral, it can be much easier to equalize specifically to your needs and enjoyment.

So if you like the bass a little bassier and the mids a little quieter, you have the power to dial that in with great specificity on a neutral speaker. You can apply any EQ you wish and you won't be fighting the speaker's predetermined response.

Basically if you are reading reviews and the headphones are described as "flat" or "neutral" that's a good thing (in my opinion). Just remember nothing is going to be perfectly flat. We're shooting for flat-ish.

If you do decide to get a neutral sounding pair of headphones you may find them a little bland out of the box. Do not panic. You just need to learn a bit about how to apply EQ, but thankfully YouTube is plentiful with tutorials.

The Harman Curve was researched to be most liked by the most people, so you might start there. (Also, SoundSource is a very popular EQ app for Mac.)

Dynamic Range This is the spectrum of how quiet to loud something can get. If you have speakers that can render both a pin drop and a big explosion with great fidelity and proper intensity, you will be in audio heaven. There is so much emotion and drama that can be expressed by expansive dynamic range and most cheap speakers compress it to an inch of its life. When the soft and the loud sounds are the same you miss out on so much audio information intended by the composer.

Distortion This is just how loud a speaker can go without breaking up. Low distortion is good. While every driver distorts at some point, usually that is at a much higher volume than you will use. This typically only plagues cheap, tiny drivers.

Sound Pressure Level (SPL) This is a measurement of how loud a speaker can get. While you don't want to listen to anything louder than a sustained average decibel level of 80 to 85, you do want peaks over 100, especially in the bass. Bass is less damaging to ears and hearing damage is all about sustained volume rather than quick peaks here and there. Most headphones can comfortably do an SPL between 90 and 110 dB. The ability to go louder is good, but only because that expands headroom, not because you should actually listen to them that loud. So if the headphones can get super loud, that means they will have a much easier time delivering normal levels.

Noise Floor Every sound system has background noise. You know that static you hear when you turn a radio up really loud when there is no sound playing? That is your noise floor. You want that to be as quiet as possible because if you turn up the volume, you don't just turn up the volume of the sounds you want to hear, you also turn up the volume of that background noise.

If you can find a headphone system with a decent low noise floor and you can also find a very quiet space to listen in, you could have a religious experience. I don't think people realize how much the room you are in matters, even when listening to headphones. When you are in a quiet room, you can play at lower volumes. And that can mitigate a lot of the problems associated with cranking the volume. You won't damage your ears for one thing. But the speakers won't have to work as hard so you'll have less distortion and better clarity.

Noise mostly comes from the amplifier, which I will talk about later on.

Froggie Pro Tip: If you want cheap speakers to perform better, go to a quiet room and move them as close as possible. This allows you to play them at a lower output while maintaining your desired perceived volume.

Okay, now we can finally talk about...

Wired Headphones

You have open back and closed back styles.

Open back tends to have a more natural sound and feels more comfortable. Like listening to regular speakers. People generally feel they are able to listen to them longer because they don't create a seal and cause pressure on your ear drum. However, if sound can get out, it can also get in. So with open back headphones people nearby will be able to hear what you are listening to. And if you are not in a quiet room, all of that sound will leak in. Meaning you have to increase the volume and the noise floor and the distortion.

Closed back seals off your ears and gives you a quiet and immersive experience. You can be in a noisier room without having to crank the volume as much. Some prefer this style just because it helps them feel like they are going into their own personal dimension of sound. These are great for ASMR too. But ear fatigue can become an issue and you may need to take little breaks to let your ears breathe and your ear drums rest.

And the last thing we need to discuss is impedance.

The impedance of headphones mostly determines how hard they are to amplify. Impedance is measured in ohms which is this little horseshoe symbol... Ω.

Lower ohms means less electrical resistance and easier to amplify.

Higher ohms means more electrical resistance and difficult to amplify.

If you get headphones rated below 100 ohms, they can typically be driven by smartphones and laptops just by plugging into a standard headphone jack. Though depending on the device, 100 may sound a little quiet so you may want to go lower. 30 ohms is fairly typical if you plan to drive your headphones with everyday electronics.

Above 100 ohms you are going to need some sort of amplification—usually a DAC with a headphone amplifier. (There are DACs without amplification so be sure to check that.)

A DAC, or digital-to-analog converter, is already built into your phone and laptop. But those are very small, don't have a lot of power, and might have a higher noise floor due to interference from other components and heat and just a lot of electrical signals nearby.

By getting an external DAC w/amplifier you separate out the components, make them larger and more powerful, and typically improve the sound quality. Because it is more isolated, the amplification can be much quieter despite being more powerful.

If you plan to stay in a static location and you have high impedance headphones, you can get a little box DAC that sits on your desk. It works like an external sound card for your computer. If you record music or stream, a digital audio interface works great as well (remember to check the Ω).

But if you need to be more mobile with your headphones you can get a little USB dongle DAC, though you will probably not get the same sound quality and power.

Both will be superior to the internal DAC built into your computing devices.

So, low impedance headphones are easier if you need to move around.

High impedance headphones are better for staying put in a single location unless you get a dongle DAC.

Just remember, high and low impedance doesn't necessarily indicate quality. It's just that in order to drive high impedance headphones you need the larger amplifier with the nicer components and, by necessity, you automatically get that quality bump.

You can get very good low impedance headphones. However, if you power them *only* with a smartphone, you may not use them to their full potential. Which is why getting an external DAC is a good idea regardless.

But the nice thing about low impedance is you can get the headphones and still use them until you save up for the DAC. Or you can use them as normal while out and about and have a special listening spot at home with the DAC.

To review...

Low impedance and high impedance can both be high quality.

Low impedance (less than 100 ohms) works with anything.

High impedance (more than 100 ohms) requires amplification.

Both will be used to their full potential with a DAC/headphone amplifier of some kind.

Wired Headphones Suggestions

Again, I have not personally listened to any of these. I am just relaying what experts I trust have mentioned as being nice quality in your price range.

The beyerdynamic DT 770 headphones are some of the most well-regarded budget headphones I've heard of. They come in low and high impedance versions.

The Sennheiser HD 560 high impedance headphones are also praised for their value and performance.

If you can go a little pricier...

The HIFIMAN Sundara headphones have low impedance and can be driven easily by all your devices.

And the HIFIMAN Edition XS are even lower impedance and about the same price.

And if you want to try a DAC, I've heard good things about both Fosi and Schiit (yes, like the poopies), though there are many different brands. Just make sure the DAC has a headphone amplifier rated for the ohms you need.

The FOSI K5 Pro is a cheap "beginner" DAC that will power anything up to 300 ohms. This is the kind that sits on your desk.

And if you want a more portable dongle DAC, you can get something like the iFi Go Link.

I've also heard good things about the AudioQuest Dragonfly, though I hate recommending AudioQuest products due to them claiming they can do magical things. They use scientific gobbledygook to scam customers most of the time. That said, the DragonFly might be their only valid product.

Note from Future Froggie: AudioQuest just can't help themselves. While the Dragonfly itself is a good product and not a scam, they developed the "DragonTail", which is a scam.

It's just a USB A to C Adapter for the Dragonfly. But they have to find a way to justify 30 fucking dollars so they came up with this bullshit.

Definitely need to stabilize my geometry. If I have unstable geometry that could lead to quixotic trigonometry. And we all know that could introduce vertices into dodecahedrons. Which leads straight to accelerated cosmotic entropy catalyzing the heat death of the universe.

Fucking AudioQuest.

ANYWAY...

An inexpensive DAC may be all you ever need but DACs can get crazy expensive—just like headphones. And if you are really fancy you can get a DAC and a headphone amplifier as separate items. Audiophiles claim when you simplify components to a singular function you increase quality. While I think there is some small truth to that, I suspect they just think the tubes look neat.

Froggie's Disclaimer: I am not telling you to get these specific things, but I do think you'll probably be happy with anything I've suggested. But sound is a subjective experience and it is always best to test things out before you buy them, if possible. Or make sure there is a return policy. You might see if there is a brick-and-mortar store nearby that allows you to demo headphones. Remember that comfort can be just as crucial as sound quality for long listening sessions.

Final Thoughts

Good sound has been life changing for me. And I am excited when anyone goes down this journey. While the stuff mentioned is considered "budget" by audiophiles, this can give you a good starting point if you want to upgrade down the road. You'll get to know your preferences and get a better understanding of how this all works and choose your own adventure from there.

Though it is very possible you'll be quite content with "budget" and the sound quality is more than enough.

Personally, while I am very happy with my current home theater setup, I am hopeful one day I can upgrade one budget tier above where I currently am and that will be my endgame. I've heard $10,000 speakers and it is mostly a land of diminishing returns once you reach that level.

I'm fine in "budget" land.

Further Research

I didn't mention the different types of headphone drivers because I didn't want to put too much data in everyone's head. But if you want to do additional research you can learn about the 4 main types... dynamic, planar magnetic, electrostatic, and balanced armature.

#long post #headphones

218 notes · View notes

heartmaddie · 4 months ago

Text

i am VERY busy thinking about studying with akaashi while he does work.

sorry i’ve just been so swamped with assignments and exams and it’s so hellish - so much better than hs but still omfg.

cos like you and akaashi would go to the library and he’d have his ipad and apple pencil and while you’re working through all your assignments he’d be quietly reading through + correcting all the work that he was sent.. oh man i can imagine him with his elbow on the desk and he’s flicking through the pages on his ipad with his glasses oh man someone hold me back.

WAIT HE ACTUALLY HAS THE MOST CRAZY APPLE ECOSYSTEM. he is such a consumer and i think he likes all the matching stuff so all his products are the silver/starlight and it’s so crazy and u definitely judge him a bit for having air pod pro maxes but he uses them so often and lends them to you all the time.

i am a pretty study focused person as well and i imagine he’d always be focused so there’s no room for any distractions while you just work next to each other in complete silence, but he’ll still book a room so you guys have some privacy at least.

and akaashi will sometimes look over at your laptop and help you edit ur work too cause he’s a monster at essay writing and he’s always really lovely and kind about it. and he ALWAYS compliments your work (you get high distinctions all the time because of him).

and during initial research he’ll always have some random article that relates to your work that he just randomly names while you’re yapping about it and it’s somehow the most useful thing ever and it saved ur whole project (sorry this is me complaining about not having ANY information for one of my thesis topics).

and he’s also very good at slipping out to grab a drink for you at the most necessary times, like you’d be stressing over some notes you don’t really understand and somehow you have a chai latte in front of you and everything starts to click…

yeah he’s so cute oml like holds ur hand while u memorise and let’s you have a peek at the manga he’s editing during ur break i can't stop thinking about him.

and he always shares his music with you - like constant spotify jams / apple shareplay because he loves all the music you listen to.

AND HIS HANDS ARE SO WARM TOO - and if he notices that you're shivering he'll drape his jacket over you and gently ruffle your hair

he also carries your bags for you as you rest on his shoulders during the bus ride home. very attentive and nice boyfriend.

170 notes · View notes

ms-demeanor · 1 year ago

Note

Since some people might want a Mac, I'll offer a Mac equivalent of your laptop guide from the perspective of a Mac/Linux person.

Even the cheapest Macs cost more than Windows laptops, but part of that is Apple not making anything for the low end of the tech spectrum. There is no equivalent Mac to an Intel i3 with 4 gigabytes of RAM. This makes it a lot easier to find the laptop you need.

That said, it is possible to buy the wrong Mac for you, and the wrong Mac for you is the 13-inch MacBook Pro with the Touch Bar. Get literally anything else. If it has an M2 chip in it, it's the most recent model and will serve you well for several years. Any new MacBook Air is a good pick.

(You could wait for new Macs with M3, but I wouldn't bother. If you are reading these guides the M3 isn't going to do anything you need done that a M2 couldn't.)

Macs now have integrated storage and memory, so you should be aware that whatever internal storage and RAM you get, you'll be stuck with. But if you would be willing to get a 256 gig SSD in a Windows laptop, the Mac laptop with 256 gigs of storage will be just as good, and if you'd be willing to get 8 gigs of RAM in a Windows laptop the Mac will perform slightly better with the same amount of memory.

Buy a small external hard drive and hook it up so Time Machine can make daily backups of your laptop. Turn on iCloud Drive so your documents are available anywhere you can use a web browser. And get AppleCare because it will almost certainly be a waste of money but wooooooow will you be glad it's there if you need it.

I get that you are trying to help and I am not trying to be mean to you specifically, but people shouldn't buy apple computers. That's why I didn't provide specs for them. Apple is a company that is absolutely terrible to its customers and its customers deserve better than what apple is willing to offer.

Apple charges $800 to upgrade the onboard storage from a 256GB SSD to a 2TB SSD.

A 2TB SSD costs between $75-100.

I maintain that any company that would charge you more than half the cost of a new device to install a $100 part on day one is a company making the wrong computer for you.

The point of being willing to tolerate a 256GB SSD or 8GB RAM in a Windows laptop is that you're deferring some of the cost to save money at the time of purchase so that you can spend a little bit in three years instead of having to replace the entire computer. Because, you see, many people cannot afford to pay $1000 for a computer and need to buy a computer that costs $650 and will add $200 worth of hardware at a later date.

My minimum specs recommendations for a mac would be to configure one with the max possible RAM and SSD, look at the cost, and choose to go buy three i7 windows laptops with the same storage and RAM for less than the sticker price of the macs.

So let's say you want to get a 14" Macbook pro with the lowest-level processor. That's $2000. Now let's bump that from 16GB RAM and a 512GB SSD to 32GB and 2TB. That gets you to $3000. (The SSD is $200 less than on the lower model, and they'll let you put in an 8TB SSD for $1800 on this model; that's not available on the 13" because apple's product development team is entirely staffed by assholes who think you deserve a shitty computer if you can't afford to pay the cost of two 1991 Jeep Cherokee Laredos for a single laptop).

For $3000 you can get 3 Lenovo Workstation laptops with i7 processors, 32GB RAM, and a 2TB SSD.

And look, for just $200 more I could go up to 48GB RAM and get a 4TB SSD - it costs $600 to upgrade the 14" mac from a 2TB SSD to a 4TB SSD so you could still get three laptops with more ram and the same amount of storage for the cost of one macbook.

I get that some people need to use Final Cut and Logic Pro, but hoo boy they sure are charging you through the nose to use products that have become industry standard. The words "capture" and "monopoly" come to mind even though they don't quite apply here.

"Hostile" does, though, especially since Mac users end up locked into the ecosystem through software and cloud services and become uncertain how to leave it behind if they ever decide that a computer should cost less than a month's rent on a shitty studio apartment in LA.

There's a very good reason I didn't give mac advice and that's because my mac advice is "DON'T."

#sorry i swear i know you're being nice #i am incapable of being nice when talking about apple #i was a total apple fangirl until the unibody #which is the domino that started all the other companies pulling shit like soldered RAM #they said 'fuck you - users shouldn't service their own computers' and I say 'fuck apple - users shouldn't use macs'#and that has been my stance on the matter since 2012 #which was the last time i bought a macbook because i knew i'd never buy a computer that would fight me to change my own battery

475 notes · View notes

selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 1 year ago

Text

How to hug your Hunting Dog

Self-Aware! Hunting Dogs x GN! Reader

Description: You never expected, that living with BSD Cast will unravel the hidden truth about you. The truth is, that, apperently, you are a total cuddlebug. And no one complain about it.

Fluff.

Warning: OOC. English is my second language

You were sitting on the floor, looking at the fire, that was burning in the fireplace.

You were sitting between Tetchou's legs. Your head was resting against his chest. Tetchou took a blanket from the couch and lifted it over you two. Then, one of his arms shakes around your midsection. The second arm shakes around your chest.

If someone asked you to describe, how it feels to hug Tetchou Suehiro, you would offer them to make a statue from wood and stone and hug it. And don't forget to make the statue to have a built-in heater, that is always on max temperature.

While, you do exaggerate, it was partly true.

Tetchou was all mussels. There were not a single strap of loose flesh in his body. Bodybuilders in this world will give up everything, to have a body, similar to Tetchou's. His 'normal training routine' would be considered an over the top obsessive training regiment by all others.

But, despite everything, he still feels soft enough. He was a living, breathing person, of course his body would be soft.

And he made you feel safe in his embrace.

His arms, that you knew, could crush stone, were holding you close to his chest. His hold, while firm, was gentle. Like you were the most important treasure in the world.

When you two cuddle at night, he always intertwined his legs with yours. He said that that way no one would be able to steal you.

Tetchou Suehiro is warm. Extremely warm. You don't need a blanket, when you are cuddling with him. His body heat engulf your body, calming you. Making you feel safe.

Tetchou, after giving you a little squeeze, rubs his cheek against the top of your head.

Tetchou loves to rub his cheek or nose against the top of your head, your temples or your cheeks. Sometimes your sleep is interrupted by Tetchou, rubbing his nose against your temple, or rubbing his cheek against your neck. Because, according to Tetchou, you looked lonely in your sleep, so he decided to send you his love in your dream.

After rubbing his cheek against your head for a few more moments, Tetchou put his chin on the top of your head. He squeezed you one more time.

The warmth and coziness makes you feel sleepy. Tetchou's presence makes you feel safe.

And reminds you, that you aren't alone.

You lay on your bed. On your stomach. Both of your eyes are closed.

Saigiku Jouno laying down next to you, his head is resting against your shoulder blades.

Your phone with dual headphone jack lay next to your pillow. Jouno and you listen to audiobook. You often do it while cuddling.

Jouno change his pose a little and pull you closer to him.

If someone asked you to describe, how it feels to hug Saigiku Jouno, you would tell about warmth and firmness, about steady heartbeat and calm breath, about aroma of apples and coffee. But, you won't tell about colors.

Because you keep your eyes closed, when you cuddle with Jouno.

It seems right.

His senses help him, when he cuddles you.

Your heartbeat shows him, what to do next. Squeeze you, play with your hair, pet your back or kiss your nose.

You don't have senses as sharp as his. You simply listen to his heartbeat, tracing your fingertips up and down his arm or back.

Jouno changes his position again.

Now he is spooning you. His body pressed against yours. His arms start massaging your shoulders. He nuzzles the back of your neck.

You smile and grab his left arm, giving it a squeeze. Jouno chukles and intertwine his fingers with yours.

Hugging Jouno Saigiku feels like having an anchor, that will always be with you, even in complete darkness.

Your room is dark. The only source of light is your laptop, that you're using now to play a game.

Right now, you are laying in the middle of the pillow fort you and Tachihara made. He is laying next to you, both of your bodies are pressed tightly against each other.

The Fort isn't very spacious. You and Tachihara had to snug very close to each other. You two resemble newborn kittens, that snuggle to each other for warmth.

Michizou Tachihara observes, how you're playing, nuzzling your neck from time to time, closing his eyes in a bliss.

You don't pay much attention to him, lost in a game.

Tachihara wiggles a little and place his hands on top of yours, not letting you push control buttons anymore. You turn your neck, so one eye faces him.

He grins and maneuver his body to lay on top of yours. He moved his arm only to shut your laptop down.

Now the room was completely dark. Sighing in defeat, you lay your head down.

You feel Tachihara's breath on the back of your neck, when he nuzzles it one last time, before closing his eyes.

Hugging Tachihara feels like hugging the embodiment of care. Someone, that reminds you to take care of yourself.

You're still not sure, how Teruko manage to convince you to go to a small camping trip.

But, you are pretty sure, that she didn't expect that night will be that cold, so you two have to share both tent and sleeping bag.

Teruko Okura lays face to face with you. She presses the tip of her nose against yours, forces you to look into her reddish pink eyes.

With a sly smile on her lips, Teruko pull you closer to her. Now your face pressed against her chest, her arms wrapped around your chest and her legs intertwined with hers.

Teruko loves to spoon you. She admitted, that that way she makes sure, that you are safe and sound. That you are here.

Teruko tilt her head a little and her hair fall down on your face. You feel a scent of raspberry.

You wrapped your arms around Teruko's midsection.

Both of you are warm. Both of you are safe.

Hugging Teruko Okura feels like being surrounded by a protective presence. Like be in a place, that will never let any worries come and get you.

The movie was on. And you, wrapped in a blanket, was cuddling with Fukuchi.

Fukuchi Ouchi lay on his side behind you. With one hand draped over your shoulders, he pressed his chest against your back.

Your head is laying on Fukuchi's second hand, that is outstretched towards the TV.

Fukuchi pressed his nose behind your ear and softly nuzzles you. His hand, that he was hugging you with, slowly moved towards your face and playfully pinched your nose.

You pout and try to move your face away. Fukuchi's laughter fill your ears. While it's not his normal booming laughter, it's still a little bit loud.

Fukuchi moved his face closer to your cheek, nuzzling it. His mustache tickles.

His arm is now stroking your side.

For a few minutes, Fukuchi continue nuzzling your face and caress your side.

Then he put his chin back on the top of your head.

You rubbed your head under his chin. Fukuchi let out a sigh and hold you closer to him. After some movement, he is laying on his back, and you are laying on top of him.

The gaze of his vibrant purple eyes is soft.

His hands start caressing your face.

He is scratching behind your ears, running his hands down your head and neck. He squishes your cheeks a few times.

It's a miracle, that Fukuchi Ouchi can be that soft.

It might look silly from the outside, but, it Fukuchi's way to remind you, that you are loved. That you are needed. That he is there for you.

Hugging Fukuchi Ouchi feels like hugging a force of nature, that will do anything, to show you, that you are loved.

384 notes · View notes

phoenix-eclipses · 6 months ago

Text

Casting Love 0.6 -- Put it in the Universe

YN got there early. The moment they walked into the store, one of the employees immediately recognized them and waved. They waved back and sat at one of the tables, not wanting to order anything yet while waiting for Kenma.

Right at 2:30 Kenma walked into the small cafe. YN walked over.

"Hi! How are you today?"

"Oh, hi. I'm okay. Were you waiting?"

"Not for that long, don't worry. I just didn't have much to do once class ended so I changed and headed over. I got here like five minutes ago." they waved his concern off before turning to the menu. "What do you want? I'd personally recommend a slice of one of their pies, they're all really good."

"Hm." He walked over to the display case and looked at the options. "I'll take a slice of the apple pie."

"Nice choice! I haven't tried it myself but one of my friends really like it. Hmm... I think I'll have the strawberry rhubarb." YN glanced to the employee who happened to be listening. "And I'll take your recommended drink."

After they got their food and drinks, the two walked over to one of the empty tables to discuss a few things. YN pulled out their laptop and shifted it so Kenma could see the screen.

"I made a list of a few things I felt like were important to discuss with each other."

Schedules (update each other if major updates are made)

Extended absences (missing one or two days in a row is okay, at least for me, but preferably alert each other if we're going to be gone, especially if it's for multiple classes)

Weekly or biweekly meetings (don't know how much time we'll have in class to properly talk so it'd be important to talk outside of class)

"Of course, if you have anything you're concerned about you can add it in the list. I just thought these were important to settle first."

Kenma nodded his head, opening his own laptop. "Can you share this with me? It'd be helpful for us to both have it to our disposal in case we need to reference it or if any changes need to be made."

"Yep! What's your email?"

0.5 -- Masterlist -- 0.7

Notes

YN did in fact leave their class early (the prof takes attendance in the beginning so they got full attendance marks since he didnt even notice)

They were running back to their shared appartment with Iwa as they called Tsuki (they almost tripped while trying to explain everything to him)

Realistically, it didn't take them that long to decide on an outfit (like 10 minutes max) but then YN spent the rest of the time worrying about how to talk to Kenma so they made the bullet list to try and at least have a baseline to start from

YN was purposefully excluding Oikawa because it's 1/2 am for him

I love Kenma but I'm also convinced unless he is fully interested in the conversation/it's with one person he's comfortable with he can be dry asf

The range of time of when I drop these posts keeps getting more chaotic, it really just represents the ruin my sleep schedule is in

One of the funniest but also hardest things about this is because my normal writing tends to be so much more formal than this but I want the writing portions to fit the vibe but also just be goofy so don't expect anything crazy from them :b

Taglist

@staygoldsquatchling02 @walllflowerrrsss @oyasumeii @rinnylvr

@bi-bi-papillon @ris-krispie @madiexuberant @giocriedpower

@lunavixia @singleandlonely

Fill out this form to be added!

#animatedglittergraphics-n-more #Haikyuu #Haikyuu!!#Hq #Haikyuu smau #Hq smau #Kozume kenma #Hq kenma #Haikyuu kenma #Kenma x reader #Kozume kenma x reader #Haikyuu x reader #X reader #Smau #Gn reader

46 notes · View notes

coff33andb00ks · 6 days ago

Text

Recipe for the Perfect Christmas 9/12

One part small town girl coming home from the big city. One part handsome stranger. Five parts lifelong friends (don't forget to include their partners). One part stubborn father. A dash of Christmas spirit. Part: Nine of Twelve Pairing: Oscar Piastri x ofc (with appearances from Mark Webber. Lando Norris, Carlos Sainz, Esteban Ocon, Pato O'Ward, and George Russell) wc: 5,249 warnings: none? a little emotional soundtrack: spotify ⋆❆⋆ apple music nav: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Eleven | Twelve

Natalie stared at the long box sitting in the foyer while the UPS driver walked, whistling, towards his big brown truck. Confused, she found enough clarity to shut the front door then turned and continued to stare at the box. Along the side, in bold letters, were the words that told her what the box contained, but she couldn't quite believe it. It was addressed to her father, who hated artificial trees, so there had to be some sort of mistake.

Sighing, she pulled out her phone and checked the time. Just after eleven, which meant he would be leaving the bakery in about an hour. Thursdays were half-days for some reason she had never understood. She wouldn't bother him at work. She would wait until he got home and start questioning him. There had to be a logical explanation. He'd bought it as a gift for someone? He was going to put it up outside? He'd bought it for the bakery – No, that couldn't be it, there was already a tree up at the bakery. She and Ollie had decorated the previous day, Ollie going so far as to make paper Santa hats to go on the photos on the walls.

She gave her head a shake and pushed the box out of the walkway. Maybe he had bought it because when they'd gone to buy a real tree he hadn't liked any of the ones available. She had thought the plan was that they'd go out to the tree farm outside Fairview and pick one out there. Pushing the boxed tree out of her mind, she went upstairs to get laundry. She was distracted by her laptop, which sat on her old desk mocking her. With a sigh, she picked it up and sat on the bed, ignoring the urge to go to Facebook and take a peek at life in Halifax.

It wasn't as though anyone from there had done more than send her two or three texts in the first couple weeks to see how she was. She had hoped someone would think of her if they heard of a job opening that fit her skills, but either there were none or no one had thought of her. Going to sites with job listings, she began clicking through page after page and grew more and more disheartened. The jobs that were available required more experience than she had, or more education that she'd attained. And all would require her to move to Halifax, Seattle, Charlottesville, D.C., Atlanta, New York…

Did she want to move?

Before she could ponder that question, her phone began to ring. She pulled it out and smiled at the sight of Oscar's name.

She wasn't sure she wanted to move.

"Hey," she greeted after accepting the call. "Working hard?"

"Not anymore," he quipped with a chuckle. "I just put in the last strip of baseboard in the master bedroom."

"Really?" The news cheered her. This meant the house was officially finished in time for Max and Eve and the kids to move down for Christmas. She knew it would be a wonderful surprise for them, because Oscar had said he'd told them it wouldn't be ready until right before New Year's.

"Yep. It's done." He gave a tired, relieved sigh. "I gotta clean and finish getting the decorations up, but it's done. I'll do that today hopefully then surprise them tomorrow when they come down."

"That's great, Oscar," she enthused, closing the laptop and shoving it aside. She didn't want to relocate.

"I was thinking…"

"Oh?" she asked when his voice faded and she heard him clear his throat. "You didn't hurt yourself did you?"

"Ha-ha," he muttered.

"What were you thinking?"

"We should celebrate."

"Celebrate what? You finishing the house?"

"Yeah. Maybe dinner? I could cook for you."

"Sunnyside up eggs and toast?" she asked with a grin.

"I can cook more than that," he said. "Nothing fancy."

"I don't like fancy."

"Then I'm definitely your guy." His grin was evident in his voice.

Her guy. She liked that. "Dinner sounds great. What time?"

"You can come over whenever. I'm kinda hoping you'll take pity on me and help me with the decorating."

Natalie laughed. "So dinner's payment."

"And celebration."

"I'll be there in a couple hours. Dad will be home in a little bit so I'm gonna make sure he eats a proper lunch and I have a few chores to do." The laundry mainly. She wasn't sure yet how two people went through so many clothes and towels. Pushing herself off the bed, she went to grab the hamper. "I'll text you when I'm on the way."

After a few more minutes of chatting, during which he hinted that he'd like her to stay for more than dinner, she ended the call and tossed her phone onto her bed. Her steps were light as she went downstairs to start a load of laundry, and she had turned on the old stereo and put on a CD of her favorite Christmas crooners when her father got home. Bouncing into the foyer, she grinned when he shook his bright red knit cap at her in time to the music.

"For I've grown a little leaner, grown a little colder, grown a little sadder, grown a little older," he sang with a nod. "And I need a little angel sitting on my shoulder. Need a little Christmas now…"

She remembered a time when the instrumental break meant he would grab her hands and lead her in a dance. She thought of the appointment made for three days before Christmas, when they would schedule his surgery and run all the necessary preoperative tests. Had she known how to properly pray, she would have prayed that he would be able to dance with her next Christmas. "Hey," she said, moving forward to kiss his cold cheek. "This box came for you."

"Doggone it," he sighed, looking down at the box. "I was hoping it wouldn't come until this afternoon."

"Is it for your second family?" she teased.

"No, I got to thinking…" He took off his coat and hung it up, then reached for his cane. "I don't have it in me to keep up with a real tree this year. Watering and trimming and then dragging it out."

"I would—"

"And, well," he went on, tapping the box with the tip of his cane. "I went to see Tommy the other day and he has one just like this. It's real pretty when it's plugged in and decorated. So I ordered it."

"A fake tree is never coming into my house," she stated. "I'd as soon throw Granny Wilma's old ornaments into the fire than I would have a piece of plastic that doesn't even look like a tree."

"Ah," he grunted with a shrug. "Always got my own words to throw back at me."

"Can we put it up today?"

"You can, I'll sit on the couch and direct."

"I knew you'd say that," she muttered, beginning to push the box into the living room.

Chuckling, he carried the folder he was holding into the living room and set it on the small table next to his chair. "While you get started, I'll go heat up some lunch."

"Wait, no, Dad, I'll—"

"I feel good today, sugar."

"Okay," she relented.

She had to move the console table in front of the front window where the tree always went. She had just pushed it into the dining room to deal with later when she heard the microwave beeping. Knowing her father lingered over his lunch if he didn't have to go immediately back to work, she took her time finding places for the knickknacks that had been on the table. The potted plant she carried to the foyer, planning to carry it up to her room later. She put the framed photos of her grandparents on the bookshelf and carried the small silver-framed picture of her mother to set it on the table next to her father's chair. Reaching into his pencil cup to find the box cutter he kept there, she groaned as several pens spilled to the floor. When she bent to retrieve them her arm brushed the folder, sending it and its contents to the carpet as well.

She shoved the pens back into the cup then gathered the scattered papers. About to push them into the folder, she paused when she saw the letterhead of a lawyer in Halifax. That made no sense. Her father's attorney was based in Fairview. Her eyes dipped and scanned the opening paragraph of the letter.

As per your vocal agreement with my client, Maxhew Verstappen, during our conference call on November 22, I have had the enclosed contract drawn up. Please peruse at your leisure, and feel free to contact me with any questions. I encourage you to confer with your counsel, C. Horner before our meeting to sign, notarize, and transfer the first payment on December 20. I ask that you please note the following points:

Max Verstappen. Max. Before she could stop herself, she turned to the next page, heart leaping to her throat at the bolded words that leapt out at her. Her father's name, then Max's, then Webber's Bakery. Struggling to understand, she sat back on her heels and read the page slowly, hand slipping over her mouth to cover her shock as it sank in what she was reading.

Max was buying the bakery. Not outright, if she understood the wording correctly. Her father was transferring everything into Max's name after a down payment, then monthly payments of a base amount, a small percentage of sales being added for the first fiscal year. After which time the percentage would be terminated, and the monthly payments would continue until the agreed-upon price was paid in full.

The papers slipped from her hand and she didn't pick them up. Her father was selling the bakery. The bakery, which had been in his family for three generations. The place he had once said he wouldn't close until the day he drew his last breath. She supposed that statement had been true, as it wasn't technically closing. But why hadn't he told her? Why hadn't anyone mentioned it?

"Natalie, sugar, is there anymore of that pie from last night?"

He sounded so normal. As though he weren't effectively ripping her heart in two. As though he hadn't outright lied to her, because hadn't he shrugged off her questions about what business Max was buying? He hadn't said a word about thinking of selling, and she knew that was partly her fault for not keeping those lines of deep communication open. It hurt, though. It hurt as bad as, if not a little worse, than him keeping how damaged his knee was from her. She had at least known his knee was bad, had known he needed surgery. But to keep this from her completely? To pretend nothing was going on? Why?

Snatching up the papers, she lurched to her feet and went into the kitchen. Her father was at the island counter, dishing up a slice of the pie they'd had for dessert the night before. He glanced up when she sucked in a breath. His brow furrowed, his smile faded, and when he saw what she was holding the pie slice fell to the counter.

"What's this?" she gasped, slapping the papers down across from him.

He looked at them, then up at her. "Sugar—"

"You're selling the bakery."

"I have to."

"Why?" Natalie blinked hard to keep the sting of tears at bay. "Because of your surgery? Because you'll be out for a couple months? I'm here now, remember? I'm not—"

"You're looking for another job. You'll find one. Maybe not right yet, but you will. And you'll get it, because you're brilliant and people like you. And then you'll be gone." He lowered his head. "Again."

"Dad…"

"I'm not doing it because of the surgery. I know it could stay afloat with me having to take weeks off for recovery. I didn't plan on you coming home, but I had talked to Franco and Ollie and they were willing to work longer hours to keep things going until I could get back. And now you're here, and you're doing great. But—" He sighed. "There's no guarantee the surgery will go well."

"Dad, they do millions of joint replacements a year."

"Yeah, but not on my joints. Accidents happen. Doctors make mistakes. Old hearts give out. It's a fact, Natalie."

"Don't talk like that," she pleaded. She couldn't take it. Not right now.

"I'm not being depressing. I'm being honest with myself. Yes, it could go great and next year at this time I'll be dancing on air. But it could go bad. And I'd have to close up the shop."

She opened her mouth to point out that she was with him, that she was helping, that she could obviously do the work needed to keep the bakery running. Then she remembered that she hadn't been at home when those fears and worries had festered in his mind. She hadn't been around when he had made the decision to sell. And he was right. She was looking for another job. And even though she was disheartened, she knew she would eventually find something. She might even leave again, if she had to.

"When you were born, I only wanted one thing for you," he said, haphazardly scraping the dropped pie onto the plate. "I wanted you to be happy. Yes, I wanted to raise you into a baker like me, like my parents were, and my grandparents, and my great-grandparents back in Australia. I knew you would be our only child, and looked forward to the day I could hand the keys to you. But you didn't want that."

"Dad, I'm—"

"Don't apologize for not wanting what I wanted for you. It was my dream, not yours. You had your own. I knew you didn't want the bakery, and I knew I didn't want to close it down. I hemmed and hawed for months. I couldn't tell Carlos I was thinking of putting it up for sale, because he would have broadcast it over town before I could walk out his office."

Natalie choked on a laugh. Carlos was wonderful, but he did have a bit of a tendency to blab.

"Then one day this young family comes in. It was a slow day, and they were nice, and we got to talking. Max always wanted to own a bakery. He and his wife both have always wanted to live in a small town. He knows about running a business, he's got a good head on his shoulders, and he's damned good at baking."

"Is he?" she whispered.

Mark picked up a dishtowel and wiped the counter clean. "Him and Eve came the next weekend and he showed me some of his recipes. After I closed for the day we went to the kitchen and…" His smile was almost one of pride. "He's better than I was at his age. Then they found the Alonso place was for sale, and when he showed up to talk to me about getting a job right when I was thinking of calling Carlos to talk to him about selling, I figured it was fate."

"But why didn't you tell me?"

"At first I didn't think you'd care."

"Are you crazy? Of course I'd care."

His eyes steeled. "The day before you moved out to go to college, you said—"

"I know what I said," she whispered. It had been almost years but the memory was fresh. Her telling him she'd gotten a part-time job at a magazine, and that she was leaving the next day to get an apartment and go to school and work. Her father asking who he was going to get to replace her at the bakery. And her answer, bitter and cold.

I don't give a damn about the bakery.

"I give a damn now," she said in a small voice. Too little, too late, she knew, but it was true. She did care. She had even then, but she'd been too wired up on the chance to grab her dreams that the words had spilled without censor. Maybe she hadn't cared as much as she did now.

"I have to do it, Natalie." He kept wiping the counter, and she remembered him repetitively kneading the dough he'd been working when she'd announced her sudden move. And the thudding clang when he'd thrown the overworked dough into the trash.

"Who else knows?"

"Tommy. The lawyers. The bank. And a few folks down at the county office, because I went last week to put his name on the license."

"Does Oscar?" she asked.

"Of course, he's Max's best friend." Her father stopped wiping. "I thought he would tell you if I didn't."

"He didn't." She wondered why. And, suddenly, she needed to know. Spinning on her heel, she left the kitchen, ignoring her father's voice when he asked where she was going. She went straight for the front door, snatching a coat from the rack and pulling it on while shoving her feet into her boots.

"Natalie."

"I have to go out for a few minutes."

"Don't be mad at him."

"I'm just going to talk to him."

"He's a good man, sweetie. He probably didn't want to get mixed up."

"He should have thought of that before sleeping with me," she snapped, jamming a hat on her head.

"Natalie—"

"I'll be back later. We'll put up the tree." Not that she felt like decorating. Or celebrating. Flinging open the door, she stepped outside and closed it firmly behind her. Fueled by indignation, she ignored the brilliantly colored Christmas flags snapping in the breeze and the vivid red ribbons adorning lampposts and wreaths as she walked up the street. She passed the bakery and felt her heart break all over again. Max would change everything, she thought, stopping to look at the shopfront. The battered old counter that her great-grandparents had built and installed themselves, where each member of the family had carved their name with a pocketknife. The photos and knickknacks that had been added to over the years, showing how it had changed with each generation. Blinking back tears, she turned and proceeded to the yellow Victorian on Halifax Street.

She barely heard Penny's bark of greeting as she marched up the walk. Stopping short when she saw Oscar standing on the porch railing, she watched him stretch out one arm, then caught the multicolored glow of a strand of lights. Something bumped into her leg and she looked down, finally noticing Penny. She gave the dog a distracted head rub, watching as Oscar stepped off the railing.

"Hey," he greeted, looking and sounding surprised when he saw her. "What do you think?"

"Looks great," she said flatly, resuming her march up the walk. She saw lights wrapped around the step railings, and saw the sunlight glint off lights in the shrubbery in front of the porch.

"Come on in," he said, opening the door. Penny, panting, darted from her to the door then back again, tail wagging manically, as though Natalie needed an escort. Oscar waited until she'd stepped inside before entering, closing the door gently. "Did you forget to text? Not that I'm complaining, but—"

"What business is Max buying?" she asked, eyes on the stacks of clear bins in the front hall. Each were labeled neatly, and she could see inside to what were countless decorations. Decorations she had agreed to help him put up and arrange. Through the living room doorway she could see a large tree set up in front of the window, and on the couch was covered with boxes of ornaments.

"Oh." Oscar's joviality faded.

She turned to face him, anger surging again. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Natalie, let me explain."

"Okay. Explain."

"I knew it was a secret, okay? Max told me that Mark didn't want everyone in town knowing. Because there would be a million questions that he didn't want to have to answer every time someone came into the shop."

"I'm his daughter," she reminded him. "You could have told me."

"Exactly. You're his daughter. He should be the one to tell you."

"He didn't."

Oscar's brow pinched. "Then how—"

"I saw some papers from a lawyer and…" She huffed. "Okay I knocked them down while getting something then saw what they were. Some contract they're apparently going to sign this Friday."

Oscar nodded. "Yeah, Max wants me to go with him."

"You should have told me, Oscar. God, you listened to me go on and on about how I was getting the hang of the bakery stuff. You even let me talk about placing an order for supplies. Supplies!" She groaned, cupping her hands over her head. "Supplies that your friend probably doesn't want or need—"

"Natalie—"

"You knew I was doing everything I could to help Dad! You didn't think to tell me that I didn't have to worry? That by the end of the year it wouldn't be my problem?"

"I thought about telling you. But it wasn't any of my business. It's a deal between Max and Mark, I'm not involved."

"Okay, but you're involved with me. That makes it your business," she pointed out. "God, did you have a laugh over how I was staying up late studying paperwork to know what I needed to do while Dad was recovering from surgery?"

"I would never laugh about something like that," he said, frowning. "If anything it's made me admire you more. Because you told me you used to not care about the bakery. That you were so glad to be gone from it when you got your chance to leave. But I've seen how happy helping Mark makes you. And how happy it makes him. I know not telling you has been eating at him—"

"Yeah, he's been real torn up," she snorted. "I've been such a fucking idiot."

"You haven't," Oscar insisted. He stepped toward her.

"I have. I've been losing sleep and getting headaches trying to take a crash course so I could keep the bakery going for him. I've got so many notes on what gets done when…" Jamming her hands into the pocket of her coat, she felt slips of paper and pulled them out. The notes she had made the evening before, on times and temperatures, and how many folds she had done on the croissants. Crumpling them into tiny balls, she dropped them to the floor. "And for what? Nothing. Because in a couple weeks it'll be Max's job to do it. He'll do everything differently so he won't need my notes. He'll change everything from the name to the prices to how the inside is decorated—"

"He's not changing anything."

"Yeah, right." Snorting again, she stepped away when he reached for her arm.

"Natalie," he sighed. "He doesn't want to change a thing because he loves how it is now. All he wants to do that's different is put a picture of himself on the wall and add a few of his own creations to the menu."

"First it'll be a picture and a few of his things, then it'll be changing the décor and phasing out all the things my Dad created."

"Honey, please—"

"Don't call me that," she gasped. "You and Max just breeze into town and take everything, don't you?"

"What?" He made a gurgling sound that sounded like a swallowed laugh. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"The bakery. This house. The dog," she said, though Penny had hurried out when she'd begun her ranting. "Me."

"We didn't – Natalie, you're upset."

"Of course I'm upset! Wouldn't you be?" Staring up at him when he didn't answer immediately, she shook her head. "I'm beyond upset. I'm pissed off. Mostly at you!"

"Why me?" he asked gently.

She wanted to scream because he was being too calm. Did the man never get mad? "God, Oscar, I opened up to you! I told you things I've never told anyone. And then I slept with you. Right there!" She flung one arm out to gesture at the living room. "And never once during any of that did it occur to you to tell me what was going on behind my back?"

"It wasn't my business to. I knew it would upset you, and I knew it would strain the relationship between you and Mark. I couldn't do that to you, not when I've seen how hard you've both been working to rebuild it."

"We were building something too," she whispered.

"Were?" he repeated.

"Yeah. Were." She sucked in a breath, fighting the urge to cry.

"Natalie, don't—"

"Not anymore."

"Please, no, let's talk about this," he said, frowning when she shook her head.

"I gotta go," she gasped. She was going to cry. Her throat was closing up and her nose was burning.

"Can we talk later?"

She turned her head, not wanting to see the sadness in his eyes. And she didn't want him to see her cry. Again. "No," she said dully. "I've said everything there is to say."

"But—"

"Goodbye," she managed, pushing past his arm when he reached for her. Opening the door, she flinched when she heard the clicking of Penny's claws on the floor behind her. She pulled the door shut, heart squeezing at the sound of a little whine. She almost turned back, almost reached to open the door and say that yes, she did want to talk about it. Instead, she crossed the porch and went down the steps, keeping her eyes in front of her. When she reached the sidewalk she quickened her steps. She didn't know where she was going, exactly. She wasn't ready to go back home and see or talk to her father. And she couldn't go back to Oscar. Tears escaped and she angrily brushed them away, following the sidewalk to the corner. She heard bells ringing, and a car that drove by had a festive bow on its antenna.

She continued walking, head ducked, ignoring the few people that greeted her. When she reached the tiny café, her steps slowed. She saw the familiar Land Rover parked out back and before she could stop herself she walked around and pushed open the door, walking through the kitchen past Yuki, who yelled out in surprise, and through the open door of the office.

Susie's face registered several emotions in succession. Surprise, happiness, shock, worry. "Natalie? Babe, what's wrong?"

Natalie opened her mouth but couldn't figure out which words to say first. Her friend frowned, tossing her phone onto the desk and standing. Then she was walking around to where Natalie stood. Reaching to close the door. And when her arms wrapped around her in a loving embrace Natalie let her tears fall.

The morning had dawned cold and gray, fitful flurries of snow trying to fall. In the time it took her to walk from the car to the fence another few flakes fell, and as she made her way through the stones and memorials she shivered, feeling the temperature dropping.

"Hey Nana," she whispered, squatting down to place one of the poinsettia arrangements in front of the headstone. Smoothing her gloved fingers over the name of her grandmother, she smiled. "And hey, Papa."

Swallowing hard, she straightened and walked the few feet over to the newer headstone in this corner of the cemetery.

Heather May Brown Webber / May 15, 1976 – December 17, 2011

"Hi Mama," she breathed into the breeze.

Her words were greeted with silence. Not the sweet lilt of a southern accent.

Natalie knelt on the cold hard ground. She hated this place. Her mother – Mama – didn't belong here, surrounded by cold marble and granite. Heather Webber deserved warmth and sunlight. Flowers and rainbows.

"I got engaged. Broke up with him." She paused, waiting for the anger and resentment. When it didn't come, she sighed. "Dad hated him."

The breeze sent a few dead leaves skittering across the ground.

"I know, I should have known better. But I moved back home." She pulled off a glove and brushed the leaves from the base of the headstone, remembering the frequent trips to this same cemetery as a small child. When she would hunt for the oldest graves while her mother neatened up the Webber family plots. She looked at the graves of her ancestors and family members she had never known, realizing that in the past thirteen years no one had done more than the most basic of maintenance.

"I'm so sorry, Mama." The breeze died down as she took the time to sweep away the leaves around the other headstones, snowflakes fluttering by while she straightened the fake flowers that had been there for god knew how long. After doing the best she could with her hands, she returned to her mother's headstone and sat down, pulling her gloves back on.

The cool gray granite mocked her in its silence.

"I'm trying. Did you know Dad's selling the bakery? To a stranger." Of course her mother knew. He would have come down and told her. Gotten down on his bad knee and prayed to God and his beloved wife to guide him. And, knowing him, had asked them to keep an eye on her, too.

She swallowed hard. Felt the sting of tears.

"I thought things were gonna be okay, but they're not. I've made such a mess of my life. Can't find a job, can't pretend that Christmas is gonna be fun… Can't find someone that cares—"

She stopped with a gulping sob, her tears hot against her cold cheeks. Bowing her head, she let herself sob, shoulders shaking while she allowed all of the pain rise to the surface.

"What am I gonna do?" she gasped.

Wind whispered through the trees surrounding the small cemetery. Empty branches creaked, the dead leaves swirled, snow stinging her face.

"I can't leave Dad." It was a whisper, a promise. Something. Because she knew that her mother would be more upset about Natalie leaving Mark to fend for himself than she would be about anything else she'd done.

Sniffling, she wiped her tears away with the sleeve of her coat, the roughness of the wool bringing her out of her misery. The wind began to die down and she shivered, breath fogging as she let out a heaving sigh.

The fog quickly dissipated and she stared at her mother's headstone. At the small, brilliantly blue butterfly that had landed on the corner closest to her. Its wings barely fluttered, and she wondered how it was surviving this cold. When it lifted off and laboriously bobbed towards her she froze, the last of her tears falling as the butterfly landed on her arm.

"Hey, Mama," she whispered.

She stared at the butterfly, then the headstone, then finally tipped her head back to look up at the sky, blinking as the snowflakes landed on her upturned face.

"I love you, too."

#f1 #oscar piastri #f1 imagine #oscar piastri imagine #my writings > op > xmas #oscar piastri x oc #f1 x oc

17 notes · View notes