#Apologies for the lapse in uploading anything

[rokry]

My king! My king!

Character belongs to Myself and @vondieerde!

[solesurvivorpaigeargot]

A Special Announcement: Introducing Monthly Subscriber Perks [BIG POST!]

Hey there Sketchy Friends, Followers, and Fans!

As you may know, I was recently agonizing over what perks I could offer to anyone who wanted to support me on a monthly basis via Ko-fi. There were a lot of suggestions from everyone, ranging from special commission slots to mystery-box sticker packs to be mailed out every month, and while some of these have been filed in the 'Maybe in the future' pile, I wanted to focus on ideas that

1 -- I KNEW I could execute on; stayed within skills I already had, and wouldn't need to do a lot of extra research for. 2 -- Wouldn't make excessive extra demands on my time; I'm already running myself pretty hard week to week between my online presence and being a homebody in meat space-- I can't put 100% into the community and still have energy leftover to make meals/take care of myself/look after my home. It just doesn't work that way. 3 -- Wouldn't have me making promises I couldn't keep; while this is kinda point 1 again, it's worth stressing. I didn't want to promise anything I couldn't deliver on and lose the trust of the community. It's just bad form.

With all of this in mind. I have come to a decision.

Starting in April, I will be recording all Sketchy Saturday sketches so it is possible to turn them into time lapse/speed paint videos.

Monthly subscribers will get 1 [ONE] sketch of their choice turned into a Time Lapse video per month, WITH A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM ME IN THE OPENING.

If you'd like to know more about how this works on the nuts-and-bolts level, please keep reading! This cut is here to save people's dash from my long news posts XD

ANY amount at or above 1$ USD per month qualifies for this perk.

The personal message can be from me to you, or a specific dedication you'd like me to make to someone you know. I can also put it at the end of the video, if you'd prefer.

Monthly subs can request ANY sketch to be made into a video, not just ones they specifically requested.

Donators can get extra requests per 10$ they pledge per month-- so if you're donating 1$ USD a month, you're entitled to 1 video request per month. If you're donating 11$, you're entitled to 2, 21$ a month, entitled to 3, ect.

I will be keeping track of these requests-- both earned and used, via yet another one of my spreadsheets which will be publicly viewable, tracked with whatever screen name you're using on Ko-Fi.

If I start my monthly subscription to you NOW, will I earn a request for this month?

YES! I just haven't recorded any of the sketches so far this month, so you won't be able to use them till April.

Do unused video requests roll over?

Yes, but only month-to-month. You can collect video request credits all year long, but at 12:01 AM on January 1st, US Pacific Time, everything resets to zero. I'll be sending out messages on December 20th to remind people of remaining request credits they have, so monthly subscribers don't get screwed on their perks.

This includes if you support me for a few months, but then cancel your subscription-- you KEEP your earned video requests until you USE them, or the NEW YEAR rolls over.

Will you be mentioning the person who requested the video on that video?

Yes, in the video title, calling them the 'Sponsor' of the video, unless that person otherwise specifies that they'd like not to be named.

Can I request ANYTHING in the personal message?

Yes, so long as it is not in any way hateful or harmful. If you wanna use my platform to be an asshole, I don't want your money.

Should a message be deemed to be hateful or harmful after it has already been published, I may take the video down and re-upload it without the dedication. I take all responsibility for the messages uploaded onto my platform, and will apologize for any harm caused-- irregardless of its source. Video request credits may be given back to the requester on a case-by-case basis, after an investigation on how knowledgeable they were about the message being harmful. If it was an accident, the credit will be given back to be used again. If the harm was purposeful, the requester will be blocked and all their request credits considered invalid.

Where will the videos be posted?

YouTube! I already have an account all set up. The account has zero intent on being part of the Partners Program or seeking monetization-- it's simply a display space.

Will these videos be public?

YES! Your monthly donations and requests will be building up a whole new catalog of content for the whole community to enjoy!

Can the video I requested be made private?

Only until a specific date-- like you wanted to surprise a friend on their birthday, or [heaven help me] your dedication has a marriage proposal or baby announcement in it and you'd like the release of the video to be part of the event. I will not make a video permanently private and only provide links to the requester-- I will not fence content away from the community for money, I have an ethical issue with that.

Can I request the video have specific music?

Only if it's not going to set off the copyright bot on Youtube. Otherwise, I have a MASSIVE library of music that I can use from when I used to make time-lapse videos all the time, all sourced from the website OCremix.org -- they're remixes of video game music, kinda like Fanfiction.net but ONLY for games and SPECIFICALLY for transformative works of music. Tracks from that site don't trip the copyright bots, and I always link back to the original OCRemix video so peeps who like the track can check out the person who made it.

If you send me a track to use, you need to provide me with a download. Not a link to a youtube video for me to rip from. An actual, already downloaded and tested MP3, or the link to the page from which to download said MP3, legally.

No. Pirated. Music.

THAT SAID!! If you MADE a track, and want me to use it, I am 9000% down. Hell yes. Just nothing longer than 4 minutes-- short time lapse videos don't do well with long tracks.

I have a question that wasn't addressed here!??

Well, my friend, that's what the ask box is for :3 Hit me up, and I'll do my best to clarify whatever you'd like to know.

[darealsaltysam]

Between Dreams And Memories - A DreamSMP Retelling

yes im promoting i again :)

Between Dreams and Memories is a retelling of the first season of the DreamSMP, with original lore, backstory for most major characters, and cameos from characters not normally included in the storyline! (CaptainSparklez, Squid Kid, The Lunch Club, and a future cameo from Mr Beast + friends is planned!)

It also includes references to events outside of the main storyline and ties it into the full story! (The Hypixel Potato War, Drista, Dreamons + Dreamon Hunters, as well as future plans to include the Techno vs Dream Duel!)

PLEASE REMEMBER: THIS STORY HAS NO SHIPPING/SMUT/ANYTHING WEIRD!!! THE ONLY “SHIPPING” INCLUDED ARE SMALL REFRENCES TO THE QUACKITY/SCHLATT “RELATIONSHIP”

As of making this post the story has just reached the point of past the election, with Pogtopia being founded and the walls being broken down! I usually upload a chapter a day, one every two days at worst!

I’d love more attention for this fic, so if it sounds interesting, you can read it here!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26678554/chapters/65069272

 If you’re still reconsidering it, here’s an excerpt from Chapter 57 - The Right Hand Man!

 Niki stayed still, her weapon still grasped tightly in her hand as the man approached her, but even with her stable stance she could not hide how much she begun trembling from fear. Schlatt stopped right in front of her, leaned forward, and put on that usual, forced and menacing smile he had been dawning since that morning.

 ‘Where are the former President and Vice-President, Ms. Nihachu?’, he asked, his voice sending a chill through her whole body. She gulped, looked aside and tried to avoid eye contact. Those bright yellow eyes with black slits were burning right through her.  ‘...They’re gone. They got away.’, she looked back at the man for a moment, a smile tugging at the edge of her lips. They got Tommy and Wilbur away – That was one step closer to victory. ‘They’re in the woods now. If you kill them out there, that’s a murder on your hands.’.  ‘And you let them get away, Ms. Nihachu?’. This time, Niki found herself unable to respond. Tubbo stepped closer. When she noticed he was about to cover for her, she interrupted before he even got the chance to speak;

 ‘Y-yes. Yes I did.’, she quickly said, feeling her grip on her sword getting loose.  ‘...That’s no good.’, Schlatt muttered to himself. ‘But I like to believe that was just... A silly lapse in your judgment that can be forgiven, am I correct?’. For a moment, Niki looked at Tubbo - Whatever Schlatt planned for her, he would most likely carry out on him, too. So she simply nodded, trying to ignore the deafening pounding of her own heart.

 ‘Yes, sir.’.  ‘And you’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again?’.  ‘Yes, sir.’.  ‘Good, good... One more thing... It’s not “sir”. Address me properly.’.  ‘I won’t-‘.  'What was that, Ms. Nihachu?'.

 Schlatt lifted his hand, two or three people in the crowd lifting up their crossbows, aiming them at Niki and Tubbo. The woman hesitated. She could see the boy next to her trembling with fear, grasping onto her sleeve with all his strength. She had to put her pride aside and prioritise her own, and above all, Tubbo’s safety. She took a deep breath, her oncoming words feeling like venom on her tongue as she spoke;

 ‘...My apologies, Mr. President.’.

If you enjoyed this small bit, you may enjoy the whole story!

Read it here;

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26678554/chapters/65069272

[bjy-on-ao3]

Fic Friday: Relaxation

(As usual, you can find the AO3 version of all my uploads [and some things I don’t post here to tumblr] via my Masterlist blog page.)

Turns out there are character’s besides Adachi from the Persona series I like, so figured I’d write a little something with one of them, starting with Dojima.

Summary Dojima has had a long day at work. Reader helps him unwind with a couple beers and some TLC.

Tags/Warnings

Alcohol, Consensual Sex, Couch Sex, Established Relationship, Fluff And Smut, Reader-Insert, Vaginal Sex

Relaxation (F! Reader/Ryotaro Dojima)

Sitting beside the table, leaning casually on your palm, you paid only half attention to the drone of the late night news anchor and flashy headers filling the screen. You cast a lazy glance at the time glaring at you from the corner of the screen. It only reinforced the obvious: it was late. Yet you had a feeling Dojima would run late again when he had asked you to watch Nanako - more like to keep her company, given how capable the young girl was for her age - and had no qualms about it. Yet it still surprised you, even with your past experiences, just how late Dojima’s work kept him from home some evenings. One would think they couldn’t function for even a scant amount of time without him.

Though, Dojima had only requested you to keep an eye on Nanako until she had gone off to bed, so, really, you were the reason for staying so late. The little girl, like all children, seemed to vastly underestimate how long she could stay awake, and had gone to sleep several hours before. But you preferred sticking around until Dojima came back. It put you at ease seeing him return safely, not to mention it gave you an excuse to spend a few fleeting moments with him, though he was often rather exhausted after his shift at the station. He had never complained about the habit either, if anything he seemed to gather a little cheer despite his fatigued state at the sight of a familiar, friendly face greeting him. So you stayed, waiting much longer than necessary, while time and television programs slowly ticked on and away.

The sound of the entryway door opening and closing from the foyer broke through the dull, fake cheery drone of the latest repetition of the week’s expected weather. You glanced away from the TV set when the second door slid open, and you spied Dojima standing in the doorway. He looked tired as always, though happy to be home. When he noticed you were waiting for him again, you spotted a tiny, pleased spark to his expression and your lips twitched up at the corners.

The twitch bloomed into a full, warm smile of greeting as you got to your feet. “Oh, you’re back,” you noted cheerily, though kept your voice level and quiet. “Long day it seems like?”

Dojima didn’t chastise you for stating the obvious. He only sighed and nodded before responding. “You have no idea,” he confirmed, shutting the door behind him and making a beeline to the kitchen. “Half the station’s out sick. It’s a miracle they didn’t keep me all night,” he grumbled, opening the fridge.

“I’ll get out of your hair then,” you said, moving to his side and touching a hand to his shoulder. “I bet you want to get some shuteye before they call you back again, right?”

Ordinarily, now was the time when Dojima would nod in agreement, give you a parting peck on the cheek or lips, thank you for watching Nanako again, and apologize for how long his arriving home had been, all before bidding you goodbye and to stay safe. But tonight he seemed more needy for company, lonely almost. “I know you already stayed late watching Nanako,” Dojima began, though he knew very well you could have left earlier, “but would you mind staying a bit longer?” he asked tentatively, and your heart fluttered in response warmly.

“Sure, I’d be glad to, if you want me to,” you agreed. You leaned into give him a quick kiss on his cheek before returning to your previous seat on the cushion beside the table.

You were a little sleepy yourself by now, but you wouldn’t pass the opportunity to spend more time with him if you had the choice. Of anyone you had ever dated, Ryotaro Dojima was the one hardest to get free time with, especially alone time, given his additional responsibilities as a father on top of being a police detective. Neither of which you faulted him for though. To you, he was worth the effort, even if he was a little rough around the edges, and not the greatest with expression himself.

Dojima rummaged through the fridge’s contents for a few seconds, pulling out two cans of beer and closing the door. He made his way to the living room, setting down of can in front of you on that table, before sitting on the adjacent side of the table in front of the sofa.

“Thanks.” Dojima hadn’t asked you whether you wanted the drink, but you knew he wouldn’t have been upset if you had declined either.

You cracked opened the beer and took a small drink, wrinkling your nose slightly at the taste. Dojima repeated your actions, though he took a larger gulp from his can, and the room lapsed into silence. Though, as you continued to watch the droning news stories and the peppy commercials pepper in between, it was a pleasant silence. Lacking the heavy, awkward atmosphere silence sometimes possessed, or any of the pressure to frantically search for a conversation topic. One another’s presence was enough to make you comfortable, the company nearly therapeutic on its own. You were content to simply satisfy whatever need for quiet company Dojima had for however long he wanted it.

Out of the corner of your eye while you sipped the contents of your can, you noticed Dojima shift awkwardly, tensely, rolling his shoulders or stretching his back and rubbing his neck and wincing. When he rose at one point to retrieve a second beer, he even made a soft sound, something like displeasure or irritation. Another casualty of a long day at work, you imagined, especially the more sedentary parts. Dojima’s long shift had done more than drain him physically and mentally it seemed.

“Do you shoulders hurt?” you prompted curiously.

Dojima’s eyebrows knit together and up in surprise, as if he hadn’t realized what he had been doing or that you might even notice. “Ah, just a little stiff. Fewer people sure doesn’t mean less paperwork,” he groused, and you saw him grimace again at another twinge of obviously sore muscles.

“Let me help,” you offered, though it was more question than anything.

“Ah, no, you don’t need to go to any trouble,” he dismissed quickly.

“Really, it’s fine, it’s no trouble,” you assured him.

Dojima sighed, as if your persistence vexed him, though it was a sigh of defeat. You knew he was prone to brush things off, and sometimes it took a little convincing tor him to accept an offer of help. He nodded, wordless agreement to your insistence.

You stood up, moving to Dojima’s side of the table and crouching down close behind him. He returned to his drink, focus seemingly turned back to the news. You didn’t waste time, quickly getting to work and placing your hands on his shoulders and starting to knead. Your touch was gentle at first, carefully prodding here or there to map out the state of his sore shoulders. Dojima was tense as well, some of it beyond just the stiffness of his muscles, like always, but that tension evaporated soon enough. Feeling him relax, and having more of an idea on what to work through, you added more strength to your massage.

“You’re really knotted up to hell and back,” you pointed out, running across a knot of muscle that was extra hard and tight. Dojima released a sound that was a mix of a hiss and a groan when you applied a little more pressure to the stubborn knot..

He said nothing to you, though. And once more the comfortable silence took over the living, the only true noises the distant drone of the television and the small sounds Dojima continued to make while you tried to soothe his soreness. By the time you had gotten his shoulder satisfactorily loose, Dojima had finished his second beer, but didn’t rise yet for another. You weren’t sure if he had decided two was enough for the late night or if he was enjoying your massage.

His neck was your neck target, not strung nearly so tense as his shoulders and back, but still obviously sore. When you pressed your fingers into the muscles of his neck, it elicited much more pleasant sounding noises, less like the almost relieved pain when you had massaged his shoulders. The familiar tone of them made you grin, and you bent your lips to his ear.

“You know, Ryotaro, all this stress building up isn’t very good for you,” you murmured, shattering the silence.

“I’m used to it. It’s nothing,” he brushed off again, and you frowned.

“If that were true, you wouldn’t so tense,” you countered. A thought had come to you as you massaged the kinks from his neck. “You know, I can think of something that might relieve some of that stress,” you drawled, the kneading of your fingers morphing into featherlight touches on his skin, and you placed a few soft kisses following the path of your fingers.

Dojima hesitated, but seemed to follow the subtle hint well enough. “I don’t know, I don’t think I’ve got the energy,” he wavered.

“Don’t worry, you wouldn’t have to do anything,” you reassured him, planting a few more kisses and gentle touches on his neck. You smiled when a tiny shudder rolled through him. “I’ll handle everything. I just want to help you unwind and relax, I promise. They work you so hard you deserve it, after all.”

He gave a deep hum of consideration. “Alright,” he agreed after a moment of thought.

You got to your feet, helping Dojima to his own, abandoning your empty cans and moving toward the couch. Dojima sat down and you straddled him languidly, gently pushing him back to relax against the cushions completely. He slipped his finger through the knot of his tie, loosing it and the letting the collar fall a bit before relaxing completely. “Now, just lie back and relax, okay?” you insisted, one hand splayed flat over his shoulder.

“If you say so.”

Once Dojima was completely settled, you bent forward, kissing lightly along his jaw, his stubble scratching at your lips. You trailed slowly across his skin, down his neck and back up. Rewarded with a couple of pleasant, quiet hums, you moved to his lips, pressing yours to them. As you began to kiss him, Dojima’s initial response was slow, tired. But a subdued enthusiasm welled up in the kiss the longer it went on, moving to match the sensual pace you dictated. A muffled, satisfied sigh escaped him, and you took it as your cue to carry on further.

Brushing both hands down the front of Dojima’s shirt, you worked the buckle of his belt nimbly, slipping the leather loose and discarding it. You lay a palm on the crotch of his slacks, the beginnings of an erection rising beneath your touch. You rubbed your hand against it gingerly, coaxingly. Feeling the slight bulge grow beneath your fingers, you set to undoing the catch of his pants with your spare hand. The hand stroking him through the cloth moved swiftly, dipping past his waistband and the line of his underwear to caress him more directly.

You broke away temporarily from the kiss to allow the pair of you to catch your breath, just in time for a gruff, but suppressed groan to drift from Dojima’s mouth. There was an exhausted hint to the noise, though his pleasure was plain as well. His dark eyes were closed when you looked at him, basking in the sensation, and the hints of a blissful expression had painted themselves across his weary features. When you returned to his lips, you were smiling, delighted to see some of the day’s stress already melting away.

Pushing his pants and underwear down more until his cock stood free and half-hard beneath your hand, you grabbed it in a surer grip. Dojima inhaled sharply, and you flanked down, feeling him twitch and harden further. You drew your hand up and down, again starting slow, gaining momentum and stroking faster until he was at full mast from your touch. You teased the head for a bare moment, before moving your hand away and pulling back, admiring the sight of him lying practically boneless against the cushions. A delightful flush of color dusted his cheeks and his collarbones where they peeked out from his dress shirt, and when he opened his gray eyes they were half-lidded. You tore yourself from your reverie quickly; you weren’t doing this simply for the pretty picture.

You climbed off of him for a time, and he eyed you curiously, as if wondering what had stopped you. Dipping your hands up beneath the hem of your skirt, you hooked your thumbs under your panties and tugged them down, letting them fall onto the floor. Gathering the ends of your skirt in one hand, you clambered back onto his lap, settling yourself more comfortably over him.

Reaching beneath you, you took his shaft in your hand again, guiding it your lips and sliding it between them to lubricate it with the wetness had pooled between your legs while you touched him. When he was coated well enough, you brought the head of him to your entrance, slowly easing yourself onto him. Another gruff sighed escaped Dojima, and you returned to his lips to kiss a third time.

This time the kiss was deeper, more passionate, and a little sloppy as you took more and more of his length into you, stifling tiny sounds from you both. When your hips pressed flush, and all of him was sheathed inside of you, you stopped, savoring the ache of him stretching you, a small gasp disappearing into his mouth when his length twitched again. His hands made their way to your hips, fingers absently kneading your curves through your clothes.

You leaned forward, pressing yourself more closely to Dojima, chest crushed against his, feeling the rumble of his chest as more muted sounds rolled through him, dying on your tongue. Your eyes met his gray ones again, half-lidded still, hazy with his fatigue, but also with a lusty quality that made you clench around him unbidden. Spurred on by the alluring expression in his eyes and the delightful hardness filling you up, you shifted your hips. Rocking them slowly, you allowed Dojima to relish in the tight, soft heat, and letting you feel every inch of him.

Your pace remained slow and steady, almost lazy, though the muffled noises coming from your throat and his own spoke of how much you both enjoyed it. As you had promised him, you were more than happy to do the work, letting Dojima relax and lose himself in the pleasurable sensations. His touch through clothes, while light, was pleasant and soft, encouraging you to stop now and then and grind your hips against his and kiss him a little harder, a little more ardently. Though the pace was languid, it was sure, building a low, simmering fire in your belly and a tension you tried to shove to the back of your mind in favor of focusing on Dojima.

Though he was tired, concerned he would have been too drained to be very involved, Dojima’s hips rocked up to meet yours gently, the motion almost involuntary and instinctive, rather than a concentrated effort. It only added to the pressure and the heat. You fisted your hands in the collar of his shirt, driving your hips more firmly against his and feeling the rumble in his chest intensify.

When the kiss parted for the third time, it was of Dojima’s accord. He buried his face in the hollow of your throat, panting hotly against your skin there, his small noises as muffled by your skin as they had been by your mouth. With his lips no longer around to stifle you though, you clapped a hand to your mouth in their place. Dojima’s fingers grew still, becoming a tight grip, digging into your skin through the fabric, tightening a little more each time your heat swallowed him up again, pushing him closer to the edge.

You whimpered and winced at how tight his hold became, hearing his breathing, ragged and heavy, become more labored in time with the strength of his grip and the rhythm of your hips. You thought you heard him growl something gruff and unintelligible into your neck, but in the moment you very well could have imagined it. You were far too distracted to pursue that train of thought though, choosing to rut against Dojima’ more desperately.

All of it, the vice grip of his hands, the labored breathing, and the gruff sounds smothered by your skin, was the precursor to Dojima reaching his climax. Still squelching any stray noises, he finished a low, rumbling groan that made you shiver. His hands held you so tightly as he filled you, they nearly interrupted the slow buck of your hips, and you rocked them with a bit more force.

Everything combined, with the aid of some friction from clever angling of your hips, had put you so to your own release, too. Dojima’s climax was enough to drag you over with him. Your walls fluttered around his length, milking him for all he had left, and making his hips jerk against yours spasmodically for an instant.

A thick silence followed when both of you were spent, falling back into the couch. Again it was the welcoming, almost soothing silence though that added to the moment. Dojima’s head lolled back against the cushions, and you pressed your face into his shoulder, his shirt crumpled from your grasp. You stayed that way for what felt like a long time, your bodies still joined, hot and tired, basking in the afterglow until your breathing returned to normal and your hearts stopped pounding.

You finally eased yourself off him tentatively, feeling overly sensitive, but pleased, hoping he felt the same. “Feel any better?” you whispered in his ear, moving a hand to toy with the short-cropped strands of his graying hair.

His answer was gruff and drained, but not unpleasant. “Exhausted… but better,” he admitted, not bothering to lift his head, his eyes closed.

“Good,” you said, smiling and placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth, and then another. “I’m gonna get going then, let you get some well-deserved rest. Just make sure you make it to your bed, alright?” you teased, knowing it wouldn’t have been the first time Dojima passed out on the couch; though this in particular was not a proper way to fall asleep there.

You got to your feet, gathering your underwear from the ground and shimmying back into them, smoothing your skirt down. “Call me if you need me to watch Nanako again, alright? Or, you know, if you just want me around,” you said, giving him a joking when he opened his tired eyes and fixed them on you.

“Wait,” Dojima shot up from his boneless position, tucking himself back into his underwear and redoing the catch on his pants. He rose to his feet as well/ “You don’t have to go. You could…” His words lapsed low, muttering almost, as if he were hesitant to speak them loud enough for you to hear, and a cute new flush decorated his cheeks.

“What was that?” you pressed.

“Uh, why don’t you stay the night? With me. It’s late and…” He paused, searching for the words, “I’d appreciate the company.”

The feeling of warmth that welled up in your chest at his hesitant, almost shy request was enough to make you blush, too. “All you had to do was ask,” you confessed, grinning and moving to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. You pressed a much more chaste kiss to his lips, which he returned just as sweetly. “And I promise I’ll behave and let you sleep,” you joked, sealing your teasing with another kiss.

With that decided, Dojima grabbed the remote off the table, turning off the tv for the evening and tossing it back down, while you grabbed the empty beer cans and moved them to the kitchen. You followed him then to his room, feeling warm and nearly giddy, or as giddy as you could be when you craved sleep.

When the bedroom door closed, you both tiredly discarded most of your clothing, leaving you both in your underthings. Climbing into the bed, you curled up against Dojima, and he draped an arm over your after pulling up the sheets. Snuggled against one another so warmly, made weary from a long day and from the strenuous end to it, the alcohol an extra tip to the scales, it didn’t take long before sleep claimed you, heavy and comforting.

[nicaraguamissionstories]

ONE  YEAR  LATER . . .

Turbulent waters and restless clouds…but the Sun still beacons onward.

Wednesday, April 10th 2019

To apologize for this lapse of time since I last communicated seems so preposterous. How do I explain a year’s absence? Despite the absurdity of it, I am picking up what is left of my dignity and writing to you once again.

When last we met, I was in a whirlwind after political unrest here in Nicaragua created a deep vacuum in which many of us fell into. In the middle of the attempt to overthrow the government, I tried to stick it out in La Cruz as long as I could, visiting 8 more communities. But with all the road blocks in the country, we were unable to receive any provisions in La Cruz. Soon there was no corn or rice or beans. I had friends who arranged for my transportation back to Estelí the end of May.  It was a harrowing experience sitting at roadblocks for hours or trying to cross on foot to the other side where I waited several hours for a different transportation.

Crossing the road block on foot in Rio Blanco where tires have been burned in the road. Graffiti on the side of the parked truck says “To Hell with Daniel”, referring to the president of Nicaragua.

By the end of May I was back in Estelí by way of back roads and remote routes. The problem once I arrived is that we were prohibited from traveling because of the road blocks and the fact that things were very unsafe. There were more food resources in Estelí but they were quickly evaporating without any new trucks allowed to enter. The trucks with food were detained at the road blocks only to lose all their produce and other perishable products. In the community where I live (only a mile from the south road block) we heard the gun fire back and forth all day and night, and then heard the daily reports of cocktail bombs, captures and killings the following day. All we could do was stay in our homes and venture out quickly in the morning to look for food. All foreigners evacuated immediately. All I could think was – how convenient to have that as an option when those who live on the margins don’t have such solutions.

I guess I became numb to a certain degree. Just going through daily survival and not feeling capable of even updating the Blog. I was thinking in circles and wondering if the end of the road had finally come for me here in Nicaragua. Our phone signal was limited and I didn’t have the speed to upload pictures to the Blog so I continued to fall further and further behind. Not to mention feeling useless as time marched on and this BIG work was still unfinished.

Finally in late November (six months ago) things felt stable enough to return to the coast and wrap up the final three community visits. Riding a wave of depression and discouragement, I picked myself up again and gave it another try, visiting the Miskito communities of Kara and Sandy Bay. Father Tomas, Sister Lydia and my faithful friend Vicente accompanied me there.

On our way to Kara, we ran out of oil for the motor. We waited at the side of the riverbank (our arms wrapped around a tree truck to keep from floating onward) for two and a half hours in our panga until finally we were rescued by one of the boats coming from Bluefields who sold us some oil.

This Indigenous community in Kara was so impressive to me. They received us with such warmth and love. The mass was celebrated in Spanish, Miskito and even a little English.

We had an ultimate Closing Mass after the visit to Kara in La Cruz, but it felt anti climatic after the expectations I created around the work at the beginning of April. Once again I left for Estelí feeling discouraged and aimless now that I had finally finished the visits.

Returning in December I avoided working on the Blog and anything related to the work on the book. Instead I buried myself in other projects – a scholarship group retreat, a visit from the cardiologists from North Carolina and other work that trickled in. The months clicked by and I continued to procrastinate. I had come to a crossroads of “Now What?” and had no idea how to move forward. So why bother with the finishing pieces if I didn’t know how to proceed afterwards? I knew I was in trouble when those who had provided the grant to do the work began asking where my final report was. I didn’t know how to explain how lost I was or how the ball had rolled out of control. All my momentum was gone. I cried out to Teddy blaming him for having chosen a person so inadequate to face such a grand feat.

A statue of Father Teddy made by the people. It was created for the local high school named after him in the community of La Cruz.

Over the past four months, people, groups and donors have begun to return to Nicaragua with a tone of dipping their toe in the water to see if things are really as bad as the media reports in the states. Fortunately, the visits have been without disturbance and people have left with a sense of wanting to reconnect with their projects and the people they serve. I suppose that renewed hope has awakened in me too – somewhat – concerning moving forward with this work at hand.

In March I was able to consult with an editor in New Mexico who felt she could guide me to a place of organizing the book. Her name is Carolyn Flynn and I met her through the Living School Program with the Center for Action and Contemplation. Her email to me summed up what she hopes to do: “…we will develop the essence of what makes the book captivating…create a title and subtitle…and organize the structure of the book. To get there, we'd work on chapters and I’ll guide you in seeing where in your writing you have really got everything working, in terms of your voice, your images, the most important spiritual lessons and insights.”  We plan to begin our endeavor in early July. Until then, she sent me “homework” assignments to get me ready for that junction.

Towards that purpose the cost would be $750 which she says will definitely get me on my way. So somehow I will try to raise that amount. Upon the completion of that phase, she will help me evaluate which direction to go and even make some connections with publishers. It is a big project to say the least, but I am willing to make some baby steps toward that end, despite the inadequacy I feel. If you are interested in contributing to this work, you can send your personal check to: Connecticut Quest for Peace, Inc. and on the memo line write “for Monica”. Then send the check to the attention of:

CT Quest for Peace 

Attn:  Jane McCaffrey 

P.O Box 356 

Georgetown, CT  06829

 On Saturday, April 6th I celebrated 56 years of age…now 20 years in Nicaragua. Our political situation remains relatively calm but uncertain. To be honest, I don’t have a sense of my inner barometer about which road I am on. I guess I am like the country right now, relatively calm but uncertain.

A hopeful visit will come in the form of Eileen “Chuckie” Niehaus – Teddy’s “baby sister” (as he once called her) – who will arrive God willing on April 26th. We will make a journey back to Kara to once again reconnect with the Miskito people. It was a plan that she and Teddy had that never was able to be realized. I hope the seed within will once again be watered and fertilized to continue its growth towards the fruition of this project. Your prayers and good wishes – as always – will help that become a reality.

Right now my plan would be to continue with the blog updating monthly with things such as this upcoming trip with Chuckie and other outstanding pieces of homework I still have like visiting one of the priests Teddy formed from La Cruz, Father Flavio. I also want people to be able to track what the experience of writing a book is like (at least from my perspective). So you are welcome to come along for the ride if you still want to take a chance on me!

Thank you for extending your patience to me for the fragility around my edges and for leading with compassion and mercy – since that is what we are all most desperately in need of.  Today it is raining in Estelí for the first time in six months…bringing healing to the plants, the people, the animals and all that is connected in this Divine Dance.

Here I am at 56 headed off to the gym with my friend Sonia. A friend who is real jokster with me asked me how old I was and I told him.  He responded “you don’t look that age”...I thanked him and then he added “YOU LOOK MORE LIKE 65!!”  There always has to be a fool in our midst to keep us on track.

[angelofrainfrogs]

Heatstroke

Fandom: Detroit: Become Human

Pairing: None (Father-Son Relationship w/Dad Hank and Son Connor)

Description: Connor suffers a system malfunction while on a case and finds out that he's more similar to humans than he originally anticipated.

Rating: T

Genre: Family/Hurt/Comfort

WARNING: UNSAFE TEMPERATURE INCREASE

BIOCOMPONENT INSTABILITY

INITIATE COOL-DOWN?

YES                NO

Connor jerked his head to the right, selecting "NO" on the holographic display currently blocking his vision and kept running. He knew he should stop- the large red letters painting themselves directly in his eyesight made that extremely clear. However, he'd been trying to catch this perpetrator for two weeks straight and, now that she'd finally been found, Connor wasn't going to give up the chase that easily.

So what if it happened to be an unnaturally blistering 102 degrees outside? The android's advanced biocomponents should be able to handle the strain long enough for Connor to catch the criminal. He and Hank had worked too many long, tireless hours for Connor to fail now.

The warning began to flash again, repeatedly blocking the android's clear line of sight. His body did feel warm, extremely so, but he would soon find the nearest air-conditioned building and sit there for a few hours, and everything would be okay.

He just had to catch that criminal first.

The obnoxious alert is what Connor attributed to making him knock his foot on a loose brick and stumble. Connor reached towards the perpetrator running further away with every second, as if he could catch her from this distance, eyes locked onto her receding form as the telltale beeping sound of a FULL SYSTEM SHUTDOWN echoed through his head.

"Connor!"

Hank's scream was the last thing Connor heard before he hit the pavement with a sickening thud.

***

SYSTEM REBOOTING: STANDBY

Slowly, sounds began to fade back in. Save for the increased speed of basic life functions, which never truly stopped unless an android was broken, the hearing organs were always the first component to reactivate when an android awoke from a full system shutdown. Ambient sounds of a restaurant faded in: the clattering of plates, employees talking and barking orders, the noise of food sizzling on the stove. However, these sounds were uncomfortably muffled.

Through the fog in his brain, Connor wondered if he'd damaged his hearing organs in the fall. Carefully, allowing time to adjust to the dim lighting, he opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. Beginning an internal scan to assure that all systems and biocomponents were functioning as they should, Connor turned his head to the right and found the reason the sounds were subdued: he was in a large storage pantry at the back of the restaurant, separated from the main kitchen by a closed, partially-insulated door.

Connor shut his eyes briefly, relieved that nothing appeared to be damaged. He had no time to locate a new compatible part; he needed to find that perpetrator and apprehend her before-

"Connor! Oh, thank fucking god!"

Hank's relieved tone prompted Connor to turn his head to the left, just in time to see the detective kneel down next to him and place a hand on his forehead.

"Hank, I'm sorry, I... I overheated," Connor explained, vaguely noting that the pressure on his forehead seemed calming, somehow, though he couldn't quite place why.

"Yeah, so the android-savvy guy on our team told me," Hank responded, the worry lines on his face deepening. "He said as long as I got you somewhere cool so your system could reboot, you'd be alright. This restaurant was the closest building with decent AC."

"Thank you, Hank." Connor offered the briefest of smiles. "You did the right thing; I'll be fine. My system scan is almost complete, and once I've assured that nothing is damaged I can go back out and-"

"Aw, Jesus, shut up," Hank snapped, lifting his hand away only to give Connor's forehead a light flick. "You're staying in here until it stops feelin' like the Sahara Desert outside."

"But-"

"Don't worry, we've got other people on the case; last I heard, they still had eyes on the perp. Just relax, Connor."

The android's lips pursed into a tight line, forehead creasing. He had failed yet another mission due to his inability to listen, this time to his own system regulators. He should have taken the time to cool down before rushing straight out into the heat; he should have known that there was no way he could make it out there more than ten minutes without a break, running at that speed. Androids could withstand a lot, but excessive heat or cold was still one of their weaknesses.

"...I'm sorry, Hank," Connor said, face still crinkled frustration.

"Stop fuckin' apologizing, kid, it's not your fault," Hank replied with the air of an exhausted parent.

"You should go help with the investigation; I'll be okay, really."

Hank let out a barking laugh. "Bullshit! You're gonna sneak out the back door the second I take my eyes off you." Connor's mouth twisted into a brief scowl, at which Hank rolled his eyes. "I'm staying right here until it's cool enough to get you back home."

"...Alright," Connor said after a brief pause. Hank was an extremely stubborn person, especially when it came to others' safety, and Connor didn't have the strength to pick a fight with him in his current state. With a grunt of oncoming age, Hank shifted off his knees into an actual sitting position, back against the wall near Connor's head and legs stretched out in front of him. The pair lapsed into silence for a few minutes, both mulling over their own thoughts.

"...You scared the hell outta me, you know," Hank eventually said, in a rare, quiet tone. Connor tilted his head back, essentially having to look at Hank upside-down because of the angle in which he laid. The detective was staring hard at the ground, refusing to meet Connor's eyes. "Just seeing you go down like that... I didn't know what the fuck was wrong with you."

"It was a system overload," Connor answered simply, "-caused by excessive heat." At that moment, a small ding in his right ear announced that his full-system scan was complete. The blue holographic display flashed in front of his eyes, causing him to smile. "There are no anomalies detected in any of my systems or biocomponents."

"Thank fucking god." Hank sounded relieved. "You hit that sidewalk pretty damn hard."

Connor slowly sat up, allowing his body to fully readjust to the reboot, and then maneuvered himself so that he leaned against the wall next to Hank. The detective glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, his expression difficult to read.

"Your heartbeat is slightly elevated," Connor said, cocking his head. "You still seem distressed, even though I've assured you that I'm fine; what's wrong?"

"I just told you, idiot." Hank gave Connor a light shove. Whether this was meant to be a gesture of camaraderie or annoyance was unclear. "It was really... disconcerting to see you just fucking drop like that. You're always so poised and proper..."

"Even if something did happen to me, I'll come back, remember?" Connor's mouth briefly flipped into a tight-lipped smile that he hoped was at least mildly reassuring. "I don't want to shut down, but if I do, my memory will be uploaded and CyberLife will send another Connor to take my place, just as before."

A grimace of unfiltered terror clouded Hank's face. Then, suddenly, he grabbed Connor by the front of his shirt and gave the android a light shake, speaking through clenched teeth. "Do not fucking think like that anymore, you hear me?!"

"Hank, what-?"

"Do you hear me, Connor?!"

The android nodded, LED flashing red, a tingling at the base of his neck signaling an unfamiliar emotion: fear. It wasn't a fear of Hank himself, for Connor knew that the detective would never truly harm him. It was fear of what could possibly be going on in Hank's mind to make him react this way. Connor understood that Hank had an issue with him "dying," even though it only occurred one time during their first few days together, when a deviant had gotten too stressed and put a bullet through Connor's forehead before shooting himself. However, Connor had been extremely careful to keep from losing his life during the rest of their investigation, mainly for Hank's sake.

Still, the true reality was that Connor's body could easily be replaced. He was a machine, after all, and part of his ability as a prototype was the capacity to upload his memory into a new version of himself to be deployed when the previous body failed.

“…You haven’t had any contact with CyberLife in a while, have you?” Hank said eventually, gently releasing Connor’s shirt. The android shook his head.

“No.” Connor blinked a few times, his LED settling to yellow. “Well, I’ve spoken to a CyberLife representative once during the early relocation efforts, but that was only to put the company in direct contact with Markus. I haven’t been in communication with them myself since the day androids gained freedom, when…”

Connor trailed off, locking gazes with Hank for a brief moment, who nodded in understanding. The android had confided in his friend about what happened that night on the platform when a remnant of his old programming nearly gained control of his system, and Hank had agreed to keep an eye out for “anomalies” ever since. Thankfully, up to that point nothing had been amiss; it seemed as though Connor’s deviancy had completely severed his connection with whoever or whatever was behind the detrimental Amanda program.

Hank heaved a sigh, pulling his legs towards his chest and resting his arms atop his knees.

“I went to CyberLife a few weeks after you started living with me,” he admitted. “I’d never had an android, especially one as… unique as you, so I wanted to make sure there wasn’t anything special you’d need to function. You didn’t come with the usual package of essentials when I took you in, y'know. When I told the guy I had an RK800 model, he gave me this funny look and said that…”

Hank trailed off, exhaustedly massaging the bridge of his nose before continuing. “He told me that on that night in November, about the time Markus was making his speech, all the RK800 models they had in storage just… deactivated.” Connor’s eyes widened, but he made no move to stop Hank’s recounting of events. “There were only nine of them, the guy said, and they were in standby mode just in case… you know. But they all suddenly stopped working at the same time and no one’s been able to activate them since.”

Connor remained silent for a long time, processing what Hank said. That would explain why he was no longer able to feel a connection with CyberLife. His virtual link had been through the next version of himself, and if that android was gone then there was nothing to keep him connected with whatever electronic storage bank kept his memory alive.

That dark tingle appeared at the base of Connor’s neck again as he understood the full ramification of Hank’s words.

“If I shut down now… there’s nowhere to upload my memory to,” the android said slowly, staring hard at the ground.

“Yeah,” Hank agreed with a grunt, trying to remain as emotionless as possible, though he was doing a bad job of it based on his increasing stress level. “So stop with that ‘I’ll always come back’ shit, okay? You’ve gotta take care of yourself from now on and not be so fucking reckless.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” Connor questioned with a frown, mimicking Hank’s sitting position with arms resting atop his knees.

“You seemed… calmer, recently.” Hank made a vague hand gesture, as if searching for the words. “More… settled; I dunno. Less hell-bent on ‘accomplishing the mission’ while ignoring everything else.” The detective let out a snort, his mouth momentarily breaking into a half-smirk. “I didn’t expect you to take off like a fucking rocket and go after that perp earlier.”

“I thought I could catch her…” Connor sounded apologetic; he felt guilty about making Hank worry. He was also still mad at himself for yet again refusing to listen to what his own systems were telling him. Now, he could no longer afford to be so careless.

“Yeah, well, you didn’t, and it wasn’t worth the risk.” Hank reached over to give Connor a hard pat on the shoulder. “Just keep that in mind next time you decide to run off like a fucking idiot in hundred-degree weather.”

Connor nodded, still staring at the ground. It was a weird sensation to suddenly find out that he was no longer “immortal,” in the sense that if he died now, he was gone for good. Though this obviously wasn’t a good thing, in a way, it made him feel more… human.

“Hey,” Hank spoke up, placing his hand on Connor’s forearm. This time he left it there, gripping the android with tight sincerity. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when I found out. I… I dunno why I didn’t. Guess I was scared of how you’d react- like you might have an existential crisis or something.”

Connor gave a tired sort of smile. “I don’t think I’ve been a deviant long enough for that sort of thought process.” He rested his hand over Hank’s and reciprocated the pressure. “But thank you. I understand that you were trying to protect me.”

“I guess.” With a roll of his eyes, Hank took his arm back. “Don’t start gettin' sappy; you know I hate that shit. You’re so fucking blunt.”

“Because you are so in denial about your emotions,” Connor responded without missing a beat, cracking a smile. “I’m trying to help you become a better person by allowing you the opportunity to understand your own feelings.”

“Fuck off, Connor, you just realized what ‘emotions’ were seven months ago!”

“Seven months and nine days, to be exact.”

“Whatever.”

Connor let out a small chuckle, and Hank did the same, catching the android’s eyes for a brief second before turning away and shaking his head. After a moment, Hank reached over and coarsely ruffled Connor’s hair, causing the android to blink rapidly in surprise. He’d never received that gesture of affection before.

“I’m gonna go check the temperature outside,” Hank announced, pushing himself off the ground. Connor followed suit, standing up as well, but Hank held up a hand signaling for him to stop. “Nuh-uh- you’re staying right here.”

“But Hank, I can detect the temperature within half a second at an accuracy of-”

Hank shoved his open palm closer into Connor’s face, effectively cutting him off.

“Stay.”

Connor knew he didn’t have to listen. Hank was not his owner, and there was no reason for Connor to obey any commands the detective gave. However, as Hank walked through the back door, pausing before he opened it to make sure that he wasn’t being followed by a curious android, Connor felt no need to go against him.

It wasn’t really an order, anyway; it was more of a request intended to keep Connor safe, the sort of thing a parent would tell a child so they wouldn’t get hurt. Hank thought he knew the best course of action to keep Connor from harm, so he acted based on that personal judgment.

And Connor was finally starting to believe that Hank might, sometimes, be right.

This Oneshot is part of a series that takes place during the Post-Pacifist Ending of Detroit: Become Human.

Read Reunited. 

Read Family.

Read Health.

Read Heatstroke. (You are here.)

Read Fear.

Read Nightmare.

Read Forgiveness.

Read MEMORY_CORRUPTED [Part 1/4].

Read MEMORY_RESET [Part 2/4].

Read MEMORY_RECONSTRUCTING [Part 3/4].

[bluephoenix73]

Changing the Future

I apologize in advance to my awesome followers for this post. I try to keep my blog clear of the sad stuff, but this is personal, and it needed to be seen.

I just ended my association with a young man named Mitchell Dobson-Green. I call it an association because it wasn’t a relationship. Not really. Mr. Dobson-Green has political aspirations, but this is not the kind of person that should be in office in this country.

I am posting some of our final conversation (because Tumblr will only let me upload 10 photos at a time) so that there is some kind of public evidence as to how he is in his personal relationships: he tried to take my very civil farewell and turn it around, to have the last word at any cost. He tried to make me out to be the unhealthy one in our... association.

Why?

Because I answered a question.

One of the nights we went out, he told me there was a possibility that he might sleep with other people. He told me to think about whether or not I was comfortable with this. I was not. I told him this. I explained to him that I did not share, that it would make me feel inferior, and that it would not make him my boyfriend. He disagreed.

Particularly in light of the Kavanaugh decision, I wanted to make this post. Mr. Dobson-Green did not assault me: indeed, most of our association was pleasant, until I answered his question. I wanted evidence on the internet of how he tries to spin things. I wanted there to be more than just my word, because he is a white man and I am a woman, and I know how well my word will hold up. I hope that if he ever runs for office, someone, somewhere, will dig this up. I hope it changes some peoples’ minds about him. He is not about respect. As he is, he is about taking everything he can get: he told me his life was complete as it was, but he wanted more.

As it happened, he had not been 100% honest with me. A lie of omission, perhaps: he did not inform me of his intention to sleep with other people until I was, as the saying goes, “in too deep.” There were other instances, as well: where his actions did the lying for him, or little things he said and didn’t mean, but as this was the point he kept coming back to, I figured it worthwhile to note (I had to eliminate that text because of Tumblr, but it is in my Google Drive archive of this conversation).

Furthermore, between the previous image and the next one, I sent him the following text (minus some, because again, Tumblr limits), telling him he could reply to it if he really needed to:

“You cannot keep me in your life and sleep around. All I’ll see, everywhere, is you with someone else, and I’m not going to do that to myself, no matter how deeply I care about you (especially now that I know you never felt anything for me). I hope what you’re choosing is what you really want, because you’re giving up a lot for it. Our mutual friends agree that you’re being stupid, but that you won’t see it until you’re ready to. When you do, give me a call. Until then... I guess I’ll be holding my breath.”

It was meant to be the last text I would send him, unless there was something else he really needed to say or he contacted me down the line. Apparently, it wasn’t enough for him, though.

Above image edited to exclude a name that shouldn’t be associated with him.

He realized he couldn’t respond to my explanation of simple details about the night. It also calls whether or not he remembered that night into question: a convenient memory lapse. Or possibly a failed attempt at gaslighting, though I make no formal accusations. You’ll notice the blue bubble indicating a response: it was me saying that I hope he did work on himself, but for the better, not because it was he was perpetuating the pain someone else had inflicted upon him. And also sending an image of Nick Fury saying that his decision was “stupid-ass.” Given our shared interest in the MCU, it seemed a fitting farewell. I will further justify my responses if necessary, but I hope this is a glimpse into the kind of person he is. 

This is not the kind of person I would want representing me: sending mixed signals, twisting someone else’s words, making things more complicated than they need to be, choosing their appearance over their friends, insisting that someone’s unconditional love and support isn’t enough for them because they need more (and I’m not even touching on his stance on bringing back indentured servitude). Even if one of those reasons seems like it’s coming from my spite/broken heart, you’ll probably be able to find one of the other ones. He craves attention, adoration, and maybe even more. Please, don’t give it to him. The only one who will win is him. 

This is a story about an association gone sour, but the implications could be greater. Maybe someone will need this in the future. I just hope it helps someone.

[bunni-place]

I've deleted the ask cause I would rather not have this in my asks. But let me explain it for you. 1) His apology was literally the shortest apology video i personally have ever seen and it didn't even seem he was that sorry. -His excuse was he "made a lapse in judgment". That's a pretty shitty excuse honestly -He not only had to film that video but he had to take time to edit it, even record an intro for it at a later time but then upload it. 2) He not only filmed a dead body but made jokes about it too. He didn't even think about what seeing suicide victim on screen would be like for his countless followers. 3) He was in a different country from his own and was disrespectful MULTIPLE times. He didn't even bother to research anything about Japan to be a good guest there. - It does not take that long to research anything about another country. He basically represented American's as bumbling disrespectful idiots. -Need I MENTION the fact he was at a temple, yes a temple and was loud and disgusting in his language. (I myself have a potty mouth but at least I would have enough of a brain to think 'I will be quiet here and try to join in on this') 4) This is literally not even the first time the Paul brothers have done something stupid (this was the worst thing Logan has done) and it certainly won't be the last. They don't care about us, just the money they get and if they get worshipped or not.

[renaroo]

The Search (10/16)

Disclaimer: Red vs Blue and related characters are the property of Rooster Teeth. Warnings: Language, Canon-typical violence, Psychological manipulation and trauma Rating: T Synopsis: [Canon Divergence - Alternate S15] The Reds and Blues saved Chorus, but it has been a year and they are still missing. A motley crew has been gathered with the common goal of finding the war heroes, though the road is more troubled than anyone seems to realize.

A/N: Well, the season’s over but I’m still going! With only six chapters to go. Though, I would like to point out, in my favor, that I’m technically on time with uploading this chapter by my timezone. So. YAY!

Special thanks to @theshadowlord, @cobaltqueen, Mayhem21, @secretlystephaniebrown, and Yin for the comments and feedback!

Artifacts and Intrigue 

When Washington came back from his sleep break, he had been somewhat hoping that Kaikaina Grif would have finally returned to the helm of the pelican, but he received no such relief. The young Grif had been aloof and unreceptive to them all since she last tore away in a bit of a fit during the loud arguing everyone was having on their next move. Wash hadn’t gotten used to her reactions like that, or at least he thought he had.

As comforting as it was to have their ship navigated by an AI which wasn’t running on an unhealthy diet of porn and energy drinks, Wash made a quick mental note to talk to Kai later and see if he needed to make an apology for anything.

He hoped not. There was enough going on without him having to figure out a mystery like that. But they couldn’t go storming into any rescue missions with half the team at each other’s throats.

Especially at his throat.

But, despite the late hour and how far they were in their travels, Wash was far from alone in the cockpit.

Carolina was sitting in the passenger seat, feet up on the dashboard, arms crossed over her chest as she watched through the window into the vast space before them that FILSS navigated through.

Only a flicker of Carolina’s eye let Wash know she was aware of his entrance as she didn’t bother giving him an actual greeting of any kind.

“You seem upset,” Wash noted, looking around the room one more time to make sure they were alone before walking to the pilot’s chair and sitting down beside her. “Anything you need to talk about, Boss?”

“You don’t have to call me that,” Carolina said thickly.

“I’m not being sarcastic,” Washington assured her, leaning against the armrest nearest her and tilting his head. “And you are leading this mission, ergo Boss.”

Her eyes rolled back and she shifted her feet to cross the other foot instead. The frustration was all but emanating from her. “Yeah. I’m doing such a fucking great job of that, too. It’s amazing we’ve gotten this far.”

Frowning, Washington rubbed his neck, trying to think of how to approach what was obviously an issue. And he knew that it could only be in the hard way — through him. So he glanced back to the large monitors surrounding them. “FILSS?” he called.

“Yes, Agent Washington?” the machine asked back almost sweetly.

“Take everything Carolina and I are about to say off any records you may be keeping,” he ordered. “It’s strictly confidential.”

“Absolutely, Agent Washington. I shall concentrate all my processors on approaching our next destination,” FILSS assured them before the all seeing eye icon on the monitor disappeared.

Once FILSS was addressed, Washington turned his full attention back on Carolina. “Are we losing you?” he asked.

Taken aback, Carolina just turned her head and looked at Washington with faint surprise. “Why would you even ask that?” she demanded.

“Because it’s something I need to know,” he answered sternly. “Are we losing you on this mission?”

“This mission is the only thing that is keeping any of us going,” Carolina replied almost venomously. “You can guarantee that more than anyone else on this ship — except maybe yourself — I am dedicated to seeing this search come to a concise ending and I won’t be stopping until I’m certain every single person who has hurt our friends — our family — gets exactly what they deserve.”

Not letting up, Washington maintained his neutral stare into Carolina’s eyes. “And then…” he intimated.

“And then what, Wash?” Carolina snapped.

“You told me earlier that you’re worried Epsilon is gone. You said to me that you could feel that he was gone,” Wash reminded her.

“You don’t have to tell me what I said, Wash,” Carolina warned.

“I’m repeating you because I’m worried by it,” Washington fought back, furrowing his brow. “Those aren’t really words that can be misinterpreted somehow, Carolina. And that and how you’ve been acting since you said them, and especially since we saw the press conference. They add up to a question I don’t want to ask. But I have to. Because I think we — I, deserve to know it.”

She glared at him. “And the question is?”

“When the mission is over, when we’ve gotten the Reds and Blues back and retribution is paid… What are you going to do if Epsilon isn’t around? What are your plans if you’re right?” he asked, hoping his expression could portray even a tenth of his seriousness toward the question. “Without Epsilon… if it’s only us, the Reds and the Blues, are you going to stay?”

Carolina’s mouth hung open for a moment as she stared back at him. Slowly, as if she was reanimating herself, her arms slipped from being crossed against her chest and she rose up in her seat, teeth grinding. “Am I going to stay?” she repeated icily.

“You’re acting like it’s a ridiculous question,” Wash half choked out.

“It is a ridiculous question!” she snapped.

“It really isn’t,” Wash continued, eyes hardening. “Or should I remind you that you’ve already left us once more. And that was with Epsilon still with us.”

“With me,” Carolina hissed. “I left because he was with me. And because we… we had to go. We had to make things better before we could come back. We—“ She tilted her chin down, eyes seemingly searching for the right words to say before she looked back at Washington almost tiredly. “I couldn’t earn my spot with all of you until I had taken some of the red off my ledger. Until I had made up for what I did before I got to that point. And Epsilon… he was a part of that, too.”

“And I wasn’t?” Wash asked critically. He could almost laugh at the notion. “We were both in Freelancer. I was making up for shit I did after Freelancer even.”

“You would have never left the Blues,” Carolina said plainly. “And you wouldn’t have let us go either. And you know it.”

Wash could so clearly see on her face that she meant her every word. But it didn’t keep his chest from tightening in knots. It didn’t take the edge off the wound he had been dealt by her leaving before. And it wasn’t doing anything to quell the concerns he had about her leaving again.

“If they’re hurt, if they’re… damaged at all like how we think they’re going to be,” Wash said slowly, taking a deep breath before shaking his head. “Carolina, I’m not going to be able to go at this alone. You have to understand that. You have to. Not everyone can go out by themselves and patch themselves up alone. And…”

He trailed off, knowing he was a step too far, but Carolina’s glare made it clear she was intently listening to every syllable.

“And what, Washington?” she demanded.

“And… I’m not so sure that you’re going to be able to do it yourself this time,” Wash replied almost whispering.

“Because Epsilon’s gone,” Carolina inferred.

“Because a lot of things are gone now, it’s just not the same,” Washington tried his best to clarify. He held his gaze with Carolina, knowing that only the strength of his convictions could get her to see eye to eye with him at that point.

Carolina stared at him for what seemed like hours in his head before finally sitting back down and crossing her arms again, taking her feet down from the dashboard. “I won’t leave,” she said simply. “I have nowhere to go.”

“But you were thinking about it,” Wash pressed despite himself.

“I was,” she admitted, resting back against her seat. “It’s… difficult to stay sometimes.”

“It is,” Wash agreed softly. “It really, really is.”

They lapsed into silence, the light years speeding by them as FILSS handled the ship.

Once the silence carried on a touch too long, however, it was interrupted by a polite cough on the speakers.

“What is it, FILSS?” Carolina asked first.

“Will what I say be on our official records?” FILSS inquired.

“Yeah, you can listen in again,” Wash replied.

“We will be entering the atmosphere of your next destination in exactly thirty-eight minutes. I would suggest that the entire crew be prepped for turbulence and full armor protocols considering that my records indicate this planet was not entirely terraformed and thus has inhabitable climates and a difficult stratosphere for entry thanks to unpredictability of the weather.”

“Great, Earth all over again,” Carolina muttered. “Thanks, FILSS, I’ll tell everyone to get ready and have L’il Grif back at the controls to help you with manual adjustments.”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary,” the AI attempted to argue only for Wash to clear his throat to interrupt.

“Let’s let Kai feel like she has more to do here than just worry about her brother is what our leader is trying to say,” Wash said, giving a thoughtful glance to Carolina.

“I see! I shall make my piloting skills seem less useful then since your patronizing is officially on the record!” FILSS decided out loud.

“That’s not…” Wash sighed and rubbed his face. “Fine.”

“This fucking sucks,”  was the first thing Dylan Andrews heard since they landed on the icy planetoid of Terran-89 that she could wholeheartedly agree with. It was just surprising to the reporter that it had come from Kaikaina Grif, of all people.

“Well, when you’re right…” Dylan hummed mostly to herself.

“No, like seriously, what’s the deal with this shitty fucking shit-shit planet?” Kaikaina demanded, rubbing her shoulders against the winds as she followed everyone in their group’s movement forward. “Why the fuck would anyone want to come here?”

“Well, that would be why the UNSC was so quick to concede this territory back to the Covenant once the truces for the War had been drawn up,” Dylan offered, hoping the static interfering with their radios wasn’t too much so she wouldn’t have to repeat herself. “According to what I could read, there was a major effort in attempting to terraform this planet beforehand, but because of its extreme conditions it was made almost impossible. Instead when the Sangheilli began listing off territories that the UNSC had been inhabiting that they wanted preserved for religious or historical relics, this was one of the easier ones to fork over.”

“And if our assumption is right about Hargrove wanting to use Tucker and the sword to unlock the monuments’ potential powers, then it would be one of the harder temples to get access to and thus one of the lower ones on the agenda,” Washington added from the front with Carolina.

“Meaning we can be the early ones for the first time on this little trip of ours and set up a trap for them,” Carolina concluded.

Andrews had to admit that even with the large leaps of logic that had gotten them to Terran-89 to begin with, if they were right, then it was certainly one of the better plans they had going for them that entire time. Still, her reporter’s intuition made her apprehensive at the very least toward the idea that they were going to just progress without fully understanding what the alien relics on the planet were for.

And, most shocking of all, Doctor Grey was gravely silent in the back of the line, seemingly preoccupied with something she wasn’t saying. That was a mystery to unravel for another time, of course. Just like the way Kaikaina had come off the ship hot and bothered in a way that Andrews hadn’t noticed from her before.

Something was up. But it had to wait.

Moderating the speed of her trek through the snow and ice, Dylan lined her stride up with Lavernius Tucker Junior’s and kept in line with him as the little alien seemed to be gazing back and forth, a blanket from the bunks wrapped around him for extra warmth that the others hadn’t been granted. He was chattering his teeth to himself still, which Dylan assumed was muttering as the others had translated it as something from time to time.

“Junior, when you… said before that you and your father were working with the Peace Corps and visiting many of these sites, were there ever any reasons as to why you were doing it given to you?” Dylan asked quietly.

There was an exasperated honk from Junior in reply.

Already, Dylan could feel herself growing frustrated with the truly ridiculous setup that was their situation. She exhaled sharply through her nose and glanced toward the others, as if to see if anyone felt like translating.

Everyone else seemed very concentrated on making it to the temple, however, and not freezing on the way.

Although it was against her investigative instincts, Dylan was ready to resign herself to the same before she felt a tug on her arm. She looked down to Junior curiously just before the alien shook his head fairly definitely.

“So you understand everything we say in English but don’t speak it yourself,” Dylan inferred. “So a Chewbacca kind of thing then.”

In response, a wide grin came across Junior’s multiple mandibles and then he opened them wide to provide a perfect impersonation of the Wookie.

“Great. You can do that and not form o’s,” Dylan sighed. “What useful evolution. Regardless. I’d like to ask you some yeas-and-no questions then, if that’s alright with you. It would really help me understand motivations and, well, to tell your father’s story and clear his name if I can paint a picture for my audience.”

The alien child hummed in response, thinking it over before releasing a large BLARGH that was followed up by a hasty nodding.

“That’s great! Just like that,” Dylan said in a voice she realized only a touch too late was a bit too pandering for what was probably a child approaching his teens. “So, was your father approached for a position in the peace corps rather than enlisted on his own volition?” she asked first.

Junior rolled his eyes back, as if searching inside his skull for an answer before looking back to Dylan and nodding.

“And that was by an official UNSC officer, not by a Project Freelancer personnel, correct?” she asked.

He looked a little befuddled before nodding.

“That would make the most sense,” she agreed. “It would explain his climb in rank to Private First Class, why your envoy had official status, and how your father got you into boarding school at the UNSC’s main headquarters back on Earth.” She stopped muttering to herself and looked back at Junior. “When you traveled with your… other parent’s people, you were declared a prodigy, correct?”

Again, a nod.

“And it’s because of your father’s sword?” she asked.

“Bow chicka honk honk,” the alien all but sang.

“I’m going to need a real answer for that,” Andrews tried to push. However, her attention was diverted when she realized they were coming to a stop, the two former Freelancers in the front marveling at the scale of the alien temple in front of them.

Of course, their awe was nothing compared to Doctor Grey as she stepped forward, her breath loud enough to come across the the radios. She reached up to her chest and whispered, “By Einstein’s ghost.” She then pushed to the front past all the other members of the group, though no one seemed to mind. “On Chorus every Temple had so much human interference and damage from the terraforming process and Earth-like conditions made unnaturally on the planet that the full size of them was never really able to be recorded by the time I was studying for my twenty-third doctoral thesis. Let alone were the carvings so crisp and intricate. I can actually see the transition in script from Early Sanghelli to post-Covenant Deco even from here! This is monumental! Quick! Let’s find an entrance! I want to dig inside and find the glorious treasures within. It’ll be like roleplaying night and I will be a British nobleman taking other people’s cultural heritage!”

“I’m usually all about role-play but that sounds way too close to home. Red card,” Kaikaina replied. “Yuk.”

“Hopefully they were kind enough to write instructions for an entrance to this thing,” Carolina said, looking to Doctor Grey. “If you don’t mind, could you start reading and see what you find?”

“Absolutely! It will take a few moments for me to find a starting place!” Doctor Grey replied cheerfully before heading to the right side of the nearest wall.

For a moment, Dylan waited to see if Junior would join her, but as he stood next to her, she grew curious and looked at Junior with her head tilted to the side. “Wouldn’t it be faster if you translated this from the other side along with Doctor Grey?” she asked curiously.

The alien looked at her for a moment before offering a large shrug.

That only caused Dylan to scowl some beneath her helmet. “Do you not read Sanghelli or speak it? The dialect you have… I don’t know. But I do know that my records show you spent some time on Sangheiios at an embassy. Did you not pick up any of the common Sangheilli while you were there?”

Junior coiled away from her, blarghing about something.

“Hey! Reporter bitch!” Kai snapped, walking up to Dylan. “¿Cuántos idiomas sabes de la tierra?” she demanded.

“I do know some Spanish,” Dylan assured her.

“Oh, do you?” Kai scoffed. “That because it’s a language on Earth so you just should know it? Pono’oe e’ike i ka’ōlelo Hawai’i. Ua ala’oe.”

“I’m… sorry?” Dylan attempted, confused.

“Yeah, you better be. Thinking a kid knows one language because he vacationed on a planet one time. Like we all aren’t guilty of sticking dicks all over lands we don’t belong in and didn’t bother to learn the language of. Like fuck off,” Kai continued, defensively getting between Dylan and Junior.

Seeing she was getting backed into a corner of sorts, Dylan raised her hands. “You’re completely right, and I apologize for making assumptions,” Dylan offered. “I should have realized there is more than one language for another species just as there is for ours. I didn’t mean to insult anyone here.”

“Yeah, you kinda suck at not insulting people in the group,” Kai responded. “So I figured it was my turn to get indignant. Plus it’s just boring standing around in the snow freezing my clit off.”

“Unfortunately offending people is the risk of being an investigative journalist,” Dylan sighed before the last comment truly caught up with her. “Wait what.”

“I found it!” Doctor Grey called. “Hilariously enough we only had to turn this corner!”

Everyone looked toward the doctor and a collective relief could not have been understated.

“Alright, everyone get moving before our armors get frozen at the joints!” Carolina ordered, pushing them all forward.

Kaikaina, however, interrupted it with a large, dramatic gasp. “Oh my effing gawd, Officer Washington! The guy with the binoculars isn’t using binoculars this time!”

Washington threw up his hands in frustration. “Kai! I’m not a cop—“

Agent Carolina looked up the temple, leading Dylan to follow her gaze, and to see the sniper only three levels above them.

“SNIPER!” Carolina screamed out to the group. “Take cover—“

Before there was even a chance of everyone doing so, the heavily armored sniper dropped down from the ledge, landing so hard in the snow between them and Doctor Grey that there was an audible crunch of the ice and permafrost beneath. He wasn’t aiming his rifle just yet, merely shouldering it as he stood in full view of them all.

His Mijolnir armor and Hunter helmet were black with a dark purple trip, his visor a menacing yellow.

“This,” a male voice said darkly over the helmet’s speaker, “has been a long time coming.”

[atopfourthwall]

State of the Wall: 6-2-17

You know the drill! A bunch of stuff coming up, some questions for you guys, and a few general announcements!

Schedule of Upcoming Episodes 6/5 – Babylon 5 #1 6/12 – The Star Wars #5 6/19 – PATREON: All-New Ghost Rider, volume 2 6/26 – Miller Time: Robocop vs. the Terminator #2 7/3 – Superman vs. the Terminator #2 7/10 – Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: News By Computer Foils Kidnappers 7/17 – Ultimate Power #4 7/24 – PATREON: Delicious in Dungeon, vol. 1 7/31 – Batman: Odyssey #1

As always, the schedule is subject to change for any reason I see fit, particularly if it is not funny, though the Patreon-sponsored episodes are a pretty safe bet (although Delicious in Dungeon may only be a chapter or two depending on length).

Storyline 90% of the remainder of the storyline is written, it just comes down to filming it. I’m trying my damndest to get this all together and barring real-life emergencies or unavailability of actors, I should be able to start pumping out more storyline stuff over the next several episodes, hopefully concluding ASAP. There are about 10-11 more storyline segments if I counted correctly (some of which will be both beginning and end of episodes) and getting them done is my highest priority aside from just making videos.

Player Changeover Progress As you may have noticed, there are currently A LOT of videos still down. The problem is really just that I have to collect the embed codes for those videos… and there are over 1,000. The good news is that most everything has youtube links, so there IS still a place to view them. The first 300 or so Atop the Fourth Wall episodes have been updated and while progress is slow, it IS happening. However, there’s a new snag there.

I replaced the History of Power Rangers embeds… and they are now not viewable. About twenty of the videos have been taken down from Vid.me by DMCA takedown notices. These are a real thing and different from a youtube copyright strike. The good news is that, from all accounts, Vid.me is MUCH better about talking to content producers about resolving these things, so I will work on getting them back… but I promise nothing – they may be unwilling to restore the videos that were taken down and frankly I’m not exactly enthusiastic about utilizing MULTIPLE video hosts on the site JUST to accommodate History of Power Rangers… and any other platform that hosts them may just have the same issue. I haven’t had a chance to try contacting them yet – just been too busy with other projects, mainly finishing the DVD and Event Comics Month, but I will be doing so and I’ll try to update you all when new information becomes available.

I might need to simply go with the youtube versions for the videos simply because the old videos don’t hold up to scrutiny for players. I’d LIKE to keep the old versions up for posterity’s sake, but the simple fact is that if they’re just going to keep getting taken down off of other platforms, there’s no point it continuing to try to save them, especially when the youtube versions have (for the most part) worked fine.

Longbox of the Damned I regret to announce that there will be no Midsummer’s Nightmare this year for Longbox of the Damned. I considered all my options, but simply put the kind of work I WANT to do with it would occupy a great deal of my time and distract me from getting other work completed, most especially the storyline. October will indeed still have regular Longbox videos, but this year we have to cancel the additional summer theme ones. My apologies to anyone who was looking forward to it – I hope to be in a better place to do it again next year. I’m also planning on having another bumper contest for this year’s Longboxes, so feel free to start thinking up ideas for that early!

History of Power Rangers It’s probably going to be a while before I get to the In Space youtube videos, mostly because of other the other projects. And of course you won’t be seeing a Ninja Steel video until that’s all done and released on video. That being said, Dino Charge’s views are… pretty low right now, which I ascribe to the fact that it, much like the Samurai and Megaforce videos, are Unlisted on youtube. A lot of my audience has shifted to mostly youtube-based stuff and because the videos are unlisted, they don’t get viewed as often.

I’m going to ask for you guys’ opinions here. The reason they’re unlisted is because I want stuff to be released in order, just as much to avoid people constantly asking “why is THIS being released and not In Space/whatever other season is next?!” However, as I continue to build more of an audience and get more revenue, there is something to be said about just having the videos out there anyway. So here’s the question: should I just make them all public anyway, even though we’ve still got a dozen series to be revamped for youtube?

Let’s Play Pokémon Omicron The next Pokémon Omicron stream will be Monday, July 17th at 7 PM Central time! We’re nearing the end and while the sessions will probably start consisting more of grinding than anything else, we might have something special in store for when we get to the Elite 4 – which I’m considering the end of the Let’s Play simply because of how long it’s gone on. I’ll try to get back to work releasing more episodes ASAP, since I’ve certainly got plenty of footage now to work with.

DVD Volume 3 Released! In case you somehow missed the announcement, Atop the Fourth Wall vol. 3: Character Reboot is now available for sale! As a reminder, volumes 1 and 2 have now gone down in price!

You can buy the DVDs via credit card HERE!

You can buy the DVDs via Paypal HERE!

Release Date/Time Change? So Event Comics Month finally concluded… aaaand the videos were late. All but Secret Wars came out late… but only just, because Secret Wars finished up a minute before 10 AM Central time on Monday, which has been the official release time for new episodes for the last several years. To be perfectly honest, I’ve been slipping when it comes to getting stuff finished ahead of time. I don’t know if I’m being lazier, if it’s a matter of taking on too many projects and thus continually rushing to finish stuff later, or simply that Atop the Fourth Wall ITSELF is growing larger and larger, with more and more episodes getting longer and thus TAKING longer to finish.

While of course I know my fans are very patient with me in releasing episodes, I take great pride in getting episodes out on time and I want to see that happen again. As such, I’d like to open the floor to the possibility of changing the release day and time. Why would this affect thing? Well, sometimes stuff in my personal life is what prevents me from getting stuff out on time – I have to go somewhere, meet with people, etc. And the fact is that a lot of the time this happens on the weekend, when that’s also supposed to be crunch time trying to get the video done with. As such, shifting the release date to later in the week might help. On that same note, changing the time of release. Originally, the videos were released at 4 PM on Mondays. That changed a short time later because ThatGuyWithTheGlasses needed their videos scheduled by 10 AM to be up that day on their site. That’s still the case, but I could simply have it released there the next day instead of on the same day it’s uploaded.

The original logic of Monday at 4 PM was that Monday was the most stressful time of the week, since it’s the beginning of the work/school week, so releasing something around the time people generally got home from those made sense to give something to people to de-stress with. Do you guys prefer things the way they are, with occasionally lapsing release times, or would you prefer another day of the week and time for videos to be released?

Conventions Sadly, Wausaubicon has been cancelled, so I will not be making an appearance there.

Anime Midwest – I’ll of course be at Anime Midwest again at the Hyatt Regency O’Hare in Rosemont, Illinois on July 7-9!

Conbravo – I will of course be attending ConBravo again in Hamilton, Ontario on July 28-30! Doug Walker will also be there and a slew of other people!

Geek.Kon – I’ll be going to Geek.Kon in Madison, Wisconsin for the first time on August 25-27! Other guests include Brad Swaile, Jeff Nimoy, and Robert Axelrod!

That’s it for this time! Tell me what you think of all this in the comments and I hope you enjoy the next two months!

[lithanine]

No Creative Sprint post today! I spent an absurd amount of time fooling around in photoshop last night to spruce up another poem I had written, but then I realized that the internet wasn’t working, which meant I couldn’t upload it... 

I could just go ahead and post the original version of the poem that I uploaded to the Facebook group I’m in, which is just an image of the document, but I managed to do some REALLY COOL STUFF with the background. At this point, I feel like the effort I put into the way it looks is part of the damn challenge, even though I did it days after completing the prompt.

However, a promise that I made to myself when I started the sprint is that I would never apologize for any lapses in participation - I would do what I could, and be proud of my attempt. So... sorry not sorry, self, about not having anything to upload today.

[xeezhiah]

There is so much to be thankful for

Today/Tonight, I'll take time appreciating the people around me, the things that I do have and the things that makes me whole.

Four months on and I am still thankful that at one point in my life, one of my ultimate dreams has unfolded right before my very eyes. Fox Sports Asia/Philippines believing in what I can do is massive. I don't believe in the word "forever" because that is so damn overrated but yes, I will try and use that word now - because I can't think of a better word than that when I mean saying that I am forever grateful to all the editors and big bosses that I have worked with the past four months. It's been a hell of a ride!

Thank you Kapil, our Singapore head for the trust which to be honest, I still think is surreal. If only fairy godfathers do exist, you're that one. Even if most of the time, you'd tell me that you don't wanna talk to me because I talk too much, I appreciate the friendship that the love for sports has brought. Please schedule your Manila trip real quick and I will be more than willing to be your tour guide sans the attempt to eat balut, okay? That is scary.

Thank you, Sir Raymond Olgado, because it is you who opened the opportunity for me to be where I am now. Had it not for your email response, I may still be a writer wannabe, dreaming that someday I may be allowed to become an investigative journalist. I will always look at you as the fairy godfather's right-hand man in helping me make my dream come true a reality. Above all, thank you for paving the way for my comeback run - you don't have an idea how much it meant for me to be considered as the team's representative in the NatGeo Run. It was fun to do that story/VLOG and without you and Sir James making effort to get the free kit for me, I would not have done that.

Thank you, Sir Earl Averilla, for letting me experience over the top football events either from the comfort of the media tribune or in venues that I can only wish being at. You opened the door for me to consider the names I was once just looking up to and dreaming they would recognise me not as a fan but as their colleague. It is you who paved way for me to hand shake with the likes of the media officers of each of the PFL Teams, know some of the big names in PH football scene, interact with Bob Guerrero for football fun facts and other sports stuff, be taught by Ivan Gayares how to determine who the man of the match is, be recognised by Mike Limpag, Cesca Litton and Martin Steuble for my fearless, bold and unconventional way of writing. Thank you for being so ever patient in explaining football jargons and for correcting my lapses in live match reporting.

Thank you, Sir Rey Joble, for the confidence in giving me stories that I can only imagine writing. Thank you for allowing me to pay tribute to where I come from - Colegio de San Juan de Letran, through basketball related articles which are somehow, out of my personal experience as a very proud Letranista. I am most grateful for your reminders that I should not sound so biased for each Letran-related article since I admit having the tendency to do that because I love my Alma Mater that much. Thank you for taking time checking out on me once in a while, talking about things that strays away from sports but more of life in general. I appreciate the fatherly advises you give, it is so genuine of you to do that.

Thank you, Eros, Kriel, Jonas and the rest of Fox Sports Philippines team for all the help you have extended to me the past four months. I hope you guys won't hesitate to keep doing the same in the coming months.

Thank you, Daniel, our Lead Digital Ambassador for all of our collab works which was fun, especially the world cup stuff because it is there that I have realised I can somehow be a comedian by poking fun at myself for all of my errors. Come up here in Manila, soon and let's scour the streets for more vox pops.

To all those have entrusted me their stories; massive thanks! Apologies that some have yet to be found online but sooner or later, I am sure it will be up. I will always stand loud and proud to say I am honoured for each interview I had made:

Coach Thomas Dooley; Coach Chris Greatwich; Kevin Ingreso; Mike and Manuel Ott; Pat Deyto; Phil & James Younghusband; Jeff Christiaens; Patrick Reichelt; Amani Aguinaldo; Jerry Barbaso; Eduard Sacapaño; Iain Ramsay; Michael Falkesgaard; Simone Rota; Dennis Villanueva; OJ Porteria; Anton del Rosario; Daisuke Sato and Neil Etheridge for Football

Coach Andrea Arcega; Deanne Moncada and Natassha Po for Spartan Racing

Coach Seannah Swift; Larry Ronquillo; Eika Barcelona; Capt. Josepheus Lopez and Maj. Ramil Ranario for Running/Multisports

Atty. Percival Flores; Sir Ed Felix; Jonathan Aldave and the whole Pasay Voyagers team - from Head Coach Cholo Martin, the Assistant Coaches, Players - my fellow Letranite JP Belencion and his wife Nikki for helping me get training details, Managers Sir Marc and Sir Paul, down to the very kind owners Sir Miki and Ms. Le-Anne Rubiano for Basketball

Fr. Soysi Cellan for Cycling.

Thank you to all of you for taking time out of your schedules to spare me a minute, hour and a day in order to give my story, be it video or an article some substance.

To the athletes whom I have written about in my other feature articles, wherein some are those I have grown up rooting for in athletic meets, it also is an honour that I was given the chance to write about all of you and how you all made efforts in shaping Philippine sports. Rest assured that my colleagues and I will never get tired of recognising all of your efforts for the pride and glory of the flag and its people.

Thank you, Coach Marielle Benitez; Martin Steuble; Mary Joy Tabal and Claire Adorna, not only for the Instagram follow back but mostly for recognising my craft. You all made me feel that I am doing my job right no matter how much I struggle in making myself believe that I did a good one. I find inspiration and motivation to keep doing what I am doing from all the good words you have said about me. For that and for sharing my articles, thank you. I hope I could be given the chance to personally thank you for such appreciation.

For the record, it still is on my bucketlist to interview Stephan Schröck and Omid David Nazari - biased aside, of course, as these two remains my faves in spite me being missing in action from the football scene for the past month. It was a personal choice as I wanted to prove my versatility and I want to think I am living up to that goal.

How can I ever forget the members of Ultras Filipinas whom I have built awesome friendship with? Kent Garcia and David Abella, you two, among the others are the ones I get to talk to often, making me understand the ultras culture more. Thank you for trusting me with your rants and raves each time you the two of you drops a sentence or two on my Messenger. Even in things beyond football, you showed genuine friendship to me to which I am grateful.

To the people I have met in the football pitch from 2011 to present, you are too many to mention but I am as grateful as ever to have found friends in you. Allow me to stand one name out among the rest - Charles Danforth Cusi Pettys, who, in spite the distance had been so helpful. If it wasn't for his story that I have written and uploaded on my other blog, Xy-Zha of Fox Sports wouldn't have surfaced.

To my professors in Letran who taught me what I know now, my first mentor - Jane Kingsu-Cheng, my Senate internship boss - Sir Sammy Santos, my friends, my family and everyone else in between who has shown me genuine love and support, I am grateful to infinity and beyond.

To Iyah Estacio, who recently proved me that true friends would be there in times you least expect. You've done a massive favour which I am eternally grateful.

To my best friend, Joanna Marie Malayaon, you are my epitome of infinity and beyond. I may not be opening up some things to you but that's because I know you know that I will be fine. I can do this, love! We've known each other that long for you to know that if I choose not to talk about something that hurts, it is because I can go through it on my own, regardless of how long it will take. I love you, I miss you, please be home soon!

In four months being a Digital Ambassador, I've been called awesome and crazy, I've been appreciated as much as I've been hated. Worst, been called a psycho even. But hey, this psycho did so much in four months, eh? This psycho did well enough to leave a legacy once I decide to leave Fox Sports.

It has been a good ride the past four months, I've had extreme happiness and meltdowns, even questionned myself why am I here for - but each time I do so, there will always be something to remind me of my purpose. That somehow, I do have a voice and a power to create or help create difference. For that and above all, for the talent that I am blessed with, I will be grateful and forever thankful to God and give him back all the glory. My success meant nothing if I don't know how to give thanks and give back.

If I may take time to do so, I would confess a bit - I have written this with a broken heart. I just lost that someone who I thought was the love of my life, someone who I thought was the real answer to the seven-year wait but I will choose not to divulge anything beyond that to protect how I feel, what he might feel, and to respect the person whom I still love very much inspite and despite this painful chapter in my existence. I will choose to remember happy memories no matter how few and short-lived it was.

From here on, there'll be less social media activity for me except when I work for Fox Sports coz it is a given that I am going to flood. I will be fine but I will opt to healing, to pick myself up from yet another setback and focus on my job.

Perhaps I would also use up my silence to find reasons to make waking up every morning worth it, and find ways on how to believe that I deserve love again because since this afternoon, I don't think I do have those.

🙂

[theshreedhar]

The End of My Tryst with the Megalomaniac Called Facebook

I was 13. My parents asked me not to do it. No one was sure why, though.

So we settled mid way. I created my Facebook account, but with a fake name. The name couldn’t get weirder than what it was - Rahul Anwar. Somehow I saw humour in two first names together, one predominantly Hindu and the other, Muslim. I added all my friends, or Rahul Anwar did, and he was immediately inside their closest circles.

But I failed to see what was wrong. I was on Facebook with the cool peeps, seeing their photos and status updates and there was nothing wrong. I was still living my usual life and that was enough for me to believe that Facebook was the harmless creature that I saw it to be. Rahul Anwar turned into Shreedhar Manek.

Between then and now, a lot of things have changed. 10 years have passed, and in these years I may have deactivated Facebook many times, without ever properly understanding why. But now we know. We know the beast that Facebook is and the monster that it can be.

Reason 1 Facebook can and often does make you feel bad.

There are studies that say that Facebook makes people feel bad, and other studies that suggest otherwise. Facebook themselves try to answer the question, they even admit that too much FB can be bad!

So how exactly can Facebook make one feel bad? Sure, a lot of studies can answer this in detail, but here is my take on it. 

Those likes are like tests. Who likes taking tests? But we do it, voluntarily, every time we upload something online. For every thumbs up, there is a certain part of our brain that feels rewarded, which makes us want to do it more and want it more. And tests often make us feel bad, don’t they? With a lesser than expected thumbs up count, we feel bad too. Those among us who we consider “petty” even sometimes cheat on these tests by asking their close friends to “like” their latest picture. It might sound a petty thing to do and it probably is, but how many of us haven’t cheated on a test?

Reason 2 Constant, almost immediate validation is addictive. It makes us less patient.

As a kid, or rather, back in the day, reading a book was easy. Just pick it up and don’t leave it until you’re done with it. But those days are long gone. I am easily distracted. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the book that I’m reading, but I’ve gone from waiting for the best to always enjoying it. And that make the waiting less fun.

Maybe I’m taking a leap when I blame (even partially) the likes I expect on Facebook with my reducing patience to read books (which I still enjoy). I can almost see people making the same argument when the first movie was made. Reading books requires time and patience, but the constant dopamine uptake that Facebook, or indeed, social media has made us used to, has changed the internal reward mechanisms such that, leaving aside books, doing anything that requires time and patience becomes more of a task. Say, establishing meaningful relationships. They take time, effort and patience, things that we have long foregone. I love how Chamath Palihapitiya, a former Facebook executive, puts it: The short-term, dopamine-driven feedback loops that we have created are destroying how society works. No civil discourse, no cooperation, misinformation, mistruth.

Reason 3 Facebook does not show you the facts, it shows you what will keep you on their platform longer.

Back in the day, when Facebook only had the potential of being dangerous, as opposed to actually being dangerous, there was a beloved button on people’s newsfeed - the ‘most recent’ button. The purpose of this button was, as is obvious, to show the most recent posts. It would enable the user browsing through the posts of all their followed friends and pages chronologically. Everything would show up and everything would be seen by the user based on when it was posted.

Over the years, FB made its best attempt to hide this most recent button. It made it difficult to reach, and most people now don’t even know that it exists. A google search tells me that users can now only temporarily switch to the most recent newsfeed.

This was important to FB in order to control what we see. What you see now, is entirely in the control of Facebook. Are you a liberal? Here, some liberal propaganda for you. Conservative? 10 reasons why the mandir must be made in Ayodhya. Something even more insidious, say, two news outlets post articles of the same event, but frame them differently giving a slightly different picture. Facebook will show you the one it thinks conforms to your existing bias (or not, if it sees a reason to do so). Consuming news via Facebook has especially turned into one big circle jerk of information where people feed their existing biases and in turn make them stronger.

Reason 4 Facebook is fucking evil.

Big statement, isn’t it? I think so too. I am unsure who I mean by “Facebook”. Zuckerberg? Probably. The engineers? Probably not. But as a corporation on the whole, FB takes the cake in how evil you can be without actually killing anyone.

Remember Reason 1 about FB making you feel bad? FB thought they could do it, and they took the liberty to try it out. They experimented by controlling the feeds of a large number of people, limiting or increasing what they say, and realized, with absolute certainty this time, that they could control people’s emotions. Happy days, right?

This is also only a little before they introduced “reactions” to posts, as opposed to just “likes”. They might claim that they want its users to “express themselves better” et al, but by now we know that they just want to know how we feel about certain things, so that they can use that to control how we feel, don’t we?

Another example of Facebook’s evil is their attempt to push for what they called Free Basics in India. The now dead Free Basics was supposed to be Facebook’s way of reaching out to the poor of India and give them free internet. Free Basic’s policy was a mishmash of misleading statements and half truths and the whole PR team tried their best to spin them into something that sounded good. Their “we do not have advertising on Free Basics”, for example, which did not translate to “we will never have advertisements on Free Basics”, or their lack of mention of what they could or couldn’t do with data. I am not sure what FB’s official stance on net neutrality is (or was) in the US, but here in India, it made its best attempt to ensure we lose it. What grind my gears the most, however, is Zuckerberg’s post on his own personal FB account, where he, in the most sanctimonious way possible tried to explain how his money making scheme was good for the poor people of India. 

Reason 5 Facebook cares little about our data, is helping spread fake news and influencing elections.

Reason 5 is probably the tipping point for me. The reason for Facebook being in the news right now.

We knew that Facebook used our data to better market things to us and improve revenue from advertisers. We didn’t care about it. But now, even though FB denies it and will keep denying it, it gave access to data of millions to a researcher and even a profit making company, Cambridge Analytica, that went on to help political outfits win elections. While CA may not have gained access to the data of millions ethically, Facebook itself has a political unit that does just the same work as CA.

What Now?

There are no two ways about it. WhatsApp’s co-founder Brian Acton said it and Elon Musk did it. Zuckerberg has apologized for the many lapses (but what about evil by intent?) and it’s time.

Does this imply that I mean that Facebook has no utility and can just be deleted right of the bat? No! Facebook can be very useful at times, it can be a force of real good, and it has many everyday benefits. But it will have to be a new FB. A new social media platform that has a different foundation. For the time being we will have to move back to RSS feeds and subscriptions by email (I just added an ugly subscription form to my blog).

It has to go.

Bonus Scary Stuff A friend just introduced me to Data Selfie, a browser extension that tracks what FB can track about you and shows it to you in a readable format. Watch the video here.

[droidturf]

I’ve always wanted to set up legitimate security cameras in my home, but pricing always gets the better of me. With hope to find a more suitable, affordable security camera that would get the job done, I searched the web from top to bottom and discovered WyzeCam, a 1080p Wi-Fi smart camera from Wyze Labs.

Every company out there right about now is hungry to create innovative products for the smart home that everyone wants. But why go all fancy when fundamentals can do the job best? I asked myself this question after spending time with the WyzeCam.

I would be lying to you had I said I was optimistic when I first stumbled upon the WyzeCam, a white-colored smart security camera that retails for just $20. Made by a company I didn’t know all that well, I was more than skeptical. But after conducting a full hands-on review of the WyzeCam, my impressions have changed for the better.

Wyze Labs was nice enough to send Droid Turf a few WyzeCam units for us to take a look at, and after examining two of them for a week, I owe the company an apology. My experiences have been, surprisingly, very positive. Lesson learned that in actuality, the book might be better than its cover. Let’s dive in and find out why.

Design

Wyze Labs’ mission was clear– to create the best possible working security camera for modern times in a small, $20 affordable package. Now I know, design isn’t the most important aspect of a security camera that’s meant to go unnoticed, but this one does a surprisingly good job at what it is designed to do– blend in. It is plain, simple, and looks like a regular security camera with nothing overly fancy.

As you’d expect from a $20 camera, the neat little gadget is made of plastic. However, it does a good job at hiding it. In fact, from just a few feet away, it could easily get by as a $100 camera made of more premium materials. On front of the near 2-inch cube is a large circular lens, microphone, and what appears to be a motion sensor. Both sides with addition to the top are clean, while the back possesses a charging cut out, speaker, LED indicator, and USB Type-A port. On the bottom there are more speaker holes, as well as a reset hardware button and microSD card slot (card not included).

The WyzeCam uses microUSB to funnel in power, and must be plugged in all the time to work. On the opposite end of the charging cable is a male USB Type-A that can be plugged into an included wall adapter, or a PC shall the near 6 foot cable be long enough for your desired place. I should note one caveat of the charging port, which is the fact that it is inside a small opening. If you happened to lose the flat cable that comes with the device, a spare you may have lying around the house may not suffice because of the narrow cut out.

I found the set up process very simple out the gate. Not much comes in the packaging other than the camera and its power essentials, and you don’t need anything fancy to start this up other than a router. The bottom of the camera is an adjustable kickstand that pulls out from beneath and allows you to raise the camera off a surface and angle it toward a subject. It can be angled up or down and rotated side to side almost a full 360-degrees. This assures that you’ll get the angle you want, and helps make up for the somewhat small panoramic field of view the actual camera lens has. Small rubber soles at the bottom keep the device from sliding around, and some 3M tape as well as a metal disc are included to help you mount the smart device on a wall.

Image Quality

The WyzeCam features live video, video recording and photo-taking. It’s capable of capturing up to 1080p Full HD video and has 8X Digital Zoom, which can be experimented with in the mobile app by pinching in and out. The camera also has Motion Detection and a Night Vision mode, for shooting footage at night on a grey scale. The Night Vision setting can be set to turn on automatically, or by control in the app.

Image quality is solid and the best you’re going to find for $20. Images in daylight are super clear and crisp, and color representation is for the most part accurate. When the lights go off, camera quality does worsen, but Night Vision is bright enough for you to see what’s going on. I did notice some occasional lag and stutter while live-streaming footage on my smartphone, but this could be attributed to my overloaded router. If you move the camera while it’s recording, you may also experience some blur. However, this wasn’t a deal breaker since motion shots aren’t on my agenda for use of this camera. Overall, camera quality is all it needs to be. After all, this is a security camera, you’re not showcasing the images in an art gallery.

The App + Set Up

To set up WyzeCam for use, you’ll need to install ‘Wyze’ on a smartphone or tablet. The set up process doesn’t take a genius, but the app itself could use a bit of work. When you open Wyze for the first time, you’ll be asked to create an account using your email address. You’ll also be able to enable push notifications and set up a profile with an image of yourself, though for some reason my app force closed every time I attempted to upload an image.

To pair WyzeCam, go under the ‘Devices’ tab and tap on ‘Add Camera.’ Next, plug-in your WyzeCam and wait 20 seconds until the yellow status light begins flashing. Hold the ‘SETUP’ button on the camera until you hear a beep and the line “Ready to Connect.” Visual illustrations shown within the app go step by step, and on-screen prompts guide you through the process that takes 5 or 10 minutes at most. During these steps, you’ll connect the camera to your home Wi-Fi network, which must be a 2.4GHz network (most routers), and set up the camera by pointing it at a QR code displayed on your mobile.

Once you have everything connected, the app will check for updates and let you know if there’s a new firmware version available for the camera. Mine had an update straight out of the box and took about 10 minutes to install. You’ll now be able to set up additional WyzeCams for video monitoring, change the name of your WyzeCam, and share access to your camera feed with others you trust by sending them an invite. Under ‘Devices,’ you’ll see a thumbnail containing what each of your WyzeCams see, and you’ll be able to manage shared users as well as grow the camera feed to fit your screen.

Overall, there were a few crashes from time to time as mentioned, but they didn’t take away from the positive experience I had using this camera in my living room. I found the app very easy to navigate, as all controls needed were up front with distinguishable and responsive visuals.

Functionality

For $20, WyzeCam exceeded all my expectations with few compromises. The camera can record video with sound continuously, or just record when alerted. Alerts can consist of Motion Detection, Smoke Alarm Detection, Sound Detection, CO Detection or a combination of any, and history is logged under the ‘Notifications’ section of the app on a day-by-day calendar. You can set these alerts to notify you via a notification if you’d like, and even set a schedule with a start and end time.

Users can check in on the camera any time they’d like with live video monitoring inside the app. Just know that it’s not recording for you to look back on by default. Controls are available in the app for capturing photos, recording video and even shooting time-lapses. On the photos and during the videos, users can also print the date and time for remembrance.

Media is stored on the company’s cloud storage service. However, only 14 days come free. After time expires, the user must pay to store any and all files, which are shown under ‘Album’ in the app. Thankfully, though, there’s a microSD card slot on the underneath side of the device so that you can store as much video, and as many photos as your card can hold, but on the camera itself. Under ‘Settings’ in the app you can also keep track of how much storage space remains.

If you thought that was all, you’ll be glad to know that this camera also has two-way audio. Meaning, sound is captured with all your videos and can be listened to in real-time. In the app, one can also use a ‘Voice’ setting to broadcast audio out through the camera to whomever is in the room. I found this quite handy, though the sound was of very low-quality and often times unclear.

Wrap-up

With WyzeCam, Wyze Labs carved out a middle ground for cameras of solid all-around quality and performance at a price almost everyone can afford. I can’t imagine they are making much profit, but quantity could definitely get them where they want to be. I was awoken by what the company was able to pack for such a low-cost, and you’ll probably feel the same way.

Now I know there are a lot of companies out there, many of which make a run for best bang for your buck. There are lots of cameras just like this on the market, and if you’re looking to spend a bit more in order to get a bit more, you’ll be able to do so. But for what Wyze Labs has done with WyzeCam deserves your attention. It’s not perfect by any means, but merely a solution that pushes every boundary and should be given a chance.

As a fan of the WyzeCam, I’ll certainty be looking for an update. If the company could only grow out its ecosystem a bit with some new products, and add the ability to pair WyzeCam with say the Google Assistant, they’d be looking at a home run. There’s a lot of potential here, and I look at this as an exceptional start to something that can get better. With just a little more work, Wyze Labs could have themselves a real competitor and top offering.

Rather than scrolling past the WyzeCam, I found a real place for them in my home and haven’t looked any further to other options. For $20, WyzeCam does all you need it to do and is worth every penny. If you ever need a sense of protection, look no further than the small, inexpensive, modern-age security camera that is WyzeCam. You can’t go wrong.

The WyzeCam includes just about everything you’ll need to get started. Personally, I suggest linking several of them together, as my experience only got better with the number. You can find WyzeCam on Amazon and the company’s own online store, both of which are linked below.

Check out more hands-on reviews from Droid Turf.

[Amazon] [Wyze Labs]

Wyze Labs WyzeCam Review – The $20 Smart Security Camera that does more than just work #WyzeLabs #WyzeCam I've always wanted to set up legitimate security cameras in my home, but pricing always gets the better of me.