#Apollo and his friend™️

[galakianexplosion]

A bunch of opm silly stuff i made yesterday :3

Im having way too much fun smh

Also theres this, less recent, a phrase originaly told by @kachikirby whos my primary audience for all of this {thank you again kachi you are the best} 😎

[themiracleneverhappened]

Welcome to the Fey Law Offices (II), also known as the Fey Anything Agency!

I, Maya Fey (She/They), am a defense attorney and sprit medium, and head of the office! I am currently 27 years old, and have been defending since late 2018. Feel free to ask me anything you’d like! I’m running this blog for fun!

You can talk to some of my friends and coworkers too! I’d force them to reply even if they didn’t want to, haha:

Diego Armando (He/Him); Defense Attorney

Apollo Justice (He/Him); Defense Attorney

Luke Atmey (He/Any); Private Investigator

Matt Engarde (He/Him); Assistant, + various talents

Pearl Fey (She/Her); Temporary Assistant + Sprit Medium in training

Trucy Armando (She/Any); Magician

Iris (She/They); She hangs out often!

Adrian Andrews (She/Her); Also hangs around sometimes!

That’s pretty much everyone! Though I’ll answer most questions if unspecified!

— Maya Fey

[OOC — Rules and Extra under the cut!]

OOC: Hello! Miracle Mod™️ here, welcome to my blog! Here’s a general timeline + some AU information!

This takes place between AJ and DD, in an AU centered around the bad ending of “Justice for All”. Maya Fey took over Wright and Co. after Phoenix disappeared in order to continue her sister’s legacy.

Matt was found Not Guilty, and cannot be prosecuted under Double Jeopardy even though the truth is public

Maya had the help of a certain other defense attorney to get Adrian acquitted after she was found Guilty

Godot rejoined defense to help Maya once he woke up

Matt Engarde was originally blackmailed into helping out, starting with confessing his guilt, and slowly atoned for his crimes and has changed as a person, for the most part.

Godot was able to keep his badge and stay out of prison as his crime was justifiable.

Luke Atmey got off on an insanity plea, and was kept around both to atone (like Matt) and also because Godot thinks he’s funny

Godot took over the Zak Gramarye trial, and was the one who got disbarred and later adopted Trucy

No rules here, just have fun, be nice, etc etc! 👍

[abyssalbard]

So Tomokazu Sugita narrated the Dual Rulers trailer.... I'm going to be silly enough to think that Asuka will definitely be in the anime.

That's what that means, right?

It has to be

I need Frederick Bulsara and Asuka R. Kreutz themselves to shake hands while Sin does something to solve the anti-gear Unika crisis. Like cheering him on as Grandpappy Freddy and That Man™️.

Like this whole "Gears ruined my life" premise Unika has going on is like perfect opportunity for things to show how far both are progressing. How Gears and humans are finally uniting and that just makes me hope of a B plot where the two can FINALLY start working together or SOMETHING. I need Sin to be FRIENDS with Asuka because Sin is everyone's friend. I need like Sin to prove that the world is healing properly. And I need Asuka to see that!!!

At least R# has to show up. He's a clone romping around and if things are going wrong, I'm positive he'd stick his nose into it. (Very hoping and praying [I need Apollo's Dodgeball to hit me on just ONE of these two points])

And if he is only mentioned in passing, that's a-okay! I am just happy to know he exists still! Maybe just his radio show? I don't know. Just something.

...

.....

I miss Asuka so much. I need any content of him. Literally any content, I'm desperate

[jadeinretrogrde]

A Curse For True Love Spoilers!!!

SPOILERS! Beware!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🏹🦊🍎💘

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my thoughts while reading acftl

- apollo you son of a bitch

- oh no eva's hope is gone bc jacks is gone 🥺

- can honestly say I didn't see kristof knightlinger potentially coming in as the hero we needed ~~nevermind he was useless~~

- omg not eva immediately wanting to make another deal with jacks to get her memories back girls got a pattern 💀

- when apollo doesn't even have to lie about some of the terrible things jacks has done 😑😑😑 listen ✋

- the valor's pretending to be the vale’s instead like no we are not giving up that V for victory ain't nobody gonna notice

- the story curse knows the truth! when it changed that book title to eva and “the prince of hearts” instead of “prince apollo” 😈😈

- *me chanting* “get this bitch a dragon roasted apple get this bitch a dragon roasted apple get this bitch a dragon roasted apple”

- not jacks rescuing eva from drowning again 🤤

- jacks: “it's best she doesn't remember me” also jacks “you can call me archer” 💀

- yessss eva with jacks’ dagger again name a more iconic duo

- apollo being all pissed that eva has jacks' dagger 🙄 grow up bro

- ApOlLo HaTeD aPpLeS shut up apollo nobody cares

- oh jacks, what are you trying to do and why won't eva forgive you for it 🫣

- the thing I love about eva is how at first she's all like “ooh I want the fairytale prince with heart eyes” but girl no you don't you want the morally grey baddie with the smoldering glare and death threats, just like the rest of us

- jacks really is bestie goals. he became immortal just so his wicked murdering bff wouldn't be alone, a true friend

- lmao jacks being like, “this is actually really inconvenient timing for you to kill me perhaps we could reschedule until I'm done saving your life?”

- *Ye Olde Brick Inn. Vacancy: One Bed* 😏

- this motherfucking letter goddamn it past evangeline ~~nevermind this letter is the greatest thing that's ever happened well-done past evangeline~~

- eva smacking the shit out of apollo and then pretending it was an accident is a cultural moment™️

- jacks pls stop calling her pet I'm begging you it's illegal 😭😭😭

- he fucking traded his WHAT!?

- apollo wanting to become immortal to fight jacks, embarrassing 🙄

- jacks sending threats to keep eva away like uhhh sorry jacks but your threatening messages are HOT???

- KISS KISS KISS

- wait why are there so many chapters left…

- apollo doesn't love anything more than himself so this motherfucking tree better unalive him 😡

- killed by a tree 😈 excellent

- the epilogue is just for eva asking about the apples girrrrl same

- omg a HEA 😭💖😍

- eva really delulu-ed her way into a hea. she girlbossed, gatekept, gaslighted her way around that curse, like fuck your magic rules and I really respect that of her

- are we getting a castor and lala spinoff??? or maybe a shocking, surprising, life changing book 4???? Idk things don't feel finished here…

[thevampiremarie]

Okay, so, Sandman hc request:

In the comics, we see Morpheus interact with Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, and even Japanese god/s. What other pantheon/tradition do you imagine him dealing with? Which gods/characters in particular? And/or how do you see him fitting into other cultures' pantheons? Based on previous discussions, I'm thinking particularly Filipino or Chinese traditions, but please pick whatever culture/pantheon you like!

OH YEAH THIS IS UP MY ALLEY

(Note: I am not well read on every mythology I mention - I am mentioning some that I don’t know as a way to open up a conversation in the fandom on how we can view Dream (and all of the Endless) in less Eurocentric ways. If I get anything wrong, I can accept it, as long as we can keep expanding all the ways the Endless can be and all the people they can represent ❤️)

Something I always felt was lacking in Sandman was like. I mean this is beef I have with classical studies/classical mythology in general. The ancient world was SO CONNECTED and to view only the Greek/Roman/Egyptian people as connected is a deeply unfortunate retcon

I mean. Lmao treehouse spoilers I guess??? But not really.

I definitely think Morpheus has interacted with Chinese gods, Hindu gods, Sumerian gods, Aztec gods/gods of the Mexica, among others

I also (and this wasn’t included in the scope of your ask but imma do it anyway) firmly believe he has been involved in a variety of urban legends/copypasta, even when he was in the bubble

So going off of his association with Apollo, one of the foremost Greek gods, god of the sun/healing/arts, I think one name Dream could have been known to the Mexica is that of Piltzintecuhtli

Piltzintecuhtli is (according to the internet) the god of the rising sun, healing, visions, medicine plants (like hallucinatory mushrooms). He can be called the Youthful God.

So this is something I’m going to have in treehouse I just decided it but… I believe that to the Chinese people, Dream has appeared in the shape of a blue dragon.

According to legend, we were taught calligraphy by a dragon horse who appeared to Fuxi, a great hero and progenitor of Chinese culture

And dragons in Chinese culture aren’t just beasts. Dragons are gods, they’re spirits of great intelligence, culture, rain, good luck, victory, power, they were the arbiters of the Mandate of Heaven (which granted emperors of old the right to rule)

So I believe Dream would have come to us as a dragon god, one who might have influenced the development of calligraphy, and I will be making him a dragon at least once in treehouse

Lastly, I HC Morpheus as being responsible for The Backrooms™️ creepypasta

“If you're not careful and you noclip[a] out of reality in the wrong areas, you'll end up in the Backrooms, where it's nothing but the stink of old moist carpet, the madness of mono-yellow, the endless background noise of fluorescent lights at maximum hum-buzz, and approximately six hundred million square miles of randomly segmented empty rooms to be trapped in

God save you if you hear something wandering around nearby, because it sure as hell has heard you”

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ASK FRIEND I LOVE YOUUU

[thesungod]

No you're 100% right though literally what WAS the initial appeal of Solangelo if not the fact that Will isn't intimidated by/uncomfortable around Nico. It was his connection to the Underworld that made everyone else wary of him but Will didn't care. BoO even implied that it has NEVER been the case for Will to the extent that he can't really glean why everyone ELSE is so weird about Nico.

YEAH!

i used to have very negative feelings (kinda still do) about Will in BoO being like “nah nico you’re making up the fact that everyone treats you like dirt” after three books of the seven’s pov being like “nico was scary and creepy and he sucked”, but recently i’ve started to think it would make sense for will to say that and mean it, if he’s so genuinely un-scared and awestruck by Nico that he doesn’t get why others wouldn’t be.

not to mention that Nico has been burned so many times that it’s not too unrealistic for him to get mean and defensive to people who try to be his friends. He’s always polite and helpful to the Seven in HoO except for two moments: in the first one Jason asks him if they could be friends after the Cupid mess and Nico’s like L+ratio+mind your own business, in the other Percy tries to honestly thank him for getting Bob on their side and Nico tells him to fuck off.

all of this also adds layers to the idea that Will was never scared of Nico. Based on his HoO characterization, we can make the educated guess that Nico must have gotten nasty and attacked-first-as-a-defense-mechanism pretty often in the early stage of their tentative friendship, and he still decided to stick around.

he’s not even shown to be particularly impressed by nico’s powers in BoO. he’s like sure grandpa let’s get you to bed🙄 when Nico boasts that he will raise the dead to beat Will’s ass if he doesn’t get off or whatever, and it was surely an act, but it also indicated something important: Will was strong willed (lol) enough and liked Nico enough to not be deterred by Underworld stuff.

you’re telling me that a year and a half later, having won the hard battle for Nico’s heart, he suddenly would be not only terrified of everything Underworld, but even more so than we could have imagined?

i’ll admit that ToN was already setting this up by having Will be so disapproving of the Trogs, but i thought the main takeaway had been “okay, Will doesn’t always understand Nico, but he still thinks his boyfriend is supercool for what he does.” Will does end up learning they are pretty okay and shows a lot of bravery in the book.

i also feel like there’s an acceptable difference between will being personally not a fan of going underground and making friends with monsters and will thinking his boyfriend is the best🌈❤️ and so cool🤪💅🏻 for doing so. they can coexist. i personally hate doing sports but you know who i think is super great and wow? men and women who have those big biceps and go to the gym every day. marry me.

and i’m not even against him being a mean little bitch and going like “wow this place sucks🤨” (honestly apollo energy) in the Underworld, nor do i have problems with him being smart enough to be scared of Tartarus (if anything, it’s crazy that Nico is so chill) because it’s refreshing for fantasy heroes to be scared and losers, nor do i deny he’s been shown to be very anxious in ToA already.

i do however have a problem with him “not accepting Nico’s darkness” or shit because ? ? ? the idea could have worked, but i just can’t buy that they’ve been together for a year atp. how do you not know your boyfriend is part of The Horrors™️

i can’t believe i’m the one defending will solace of all people but give my man his balls back❗️

[manygeese]

ok so these are just platonic but here (ft. Piper and Jason)

Will and Leo are always annoying about Texas. it doesn’t matter if the conversation is about texas or not but they will talk about it. “y’know this reminds me of a little thing I did in Texas” “one time when I was in Texas-” “this is great and all but i wish I was back in Texas”

They haven’t been to Texas in years 💀 but during summer they’re always saying that they should totally go this summer.

On the time they finally do go, they bring Piper and make a road trip out of it with Festus (sky trip? Call that shit a HIGHway). They stop at the Alamo and Piper takes a discreet video of Leo saying “nine elalamo. Never forget 😔” stupidly. Will gets a faux raccoon fur hat like Davy Crockett.

They make a stop in Oklahoma before going back to Camp. Piper gives Leo directions to Grandpa Tom’s old house and she tells them the stories her grandpa used to tell her. They fall asleep on the porch. In the morning, before they leave, they play tag in the grass. Piper decimates them bc she has “goofy giraffe legs that are proportionally impossible” according to Will.

In the middle of summer, when everybody else is dying of heat stroke, these two are walking around completely normal and wondering what all the fuss is about. Leo bc of the fire powers and all and Will bc bro is built different (or bc he’s a son of the sun god if u wanna be technical 🙄 let the boy be mysterious)

Opposite of this! As soon as the first day of fall hits Will is SHIVERING. Everybody else is chilling and even Leo is like “what the hell is wrong with you. none of your siblings do this. what is happening” and Will says, through chattering teeth, “I’m b-b-b-built d-different”

During winter, Will is either hugging one of his friends (the friend is complaining about how could his hands are), wearing a million jackets, or hanging out in the forge with the Hephaestus cabin and talking with Leo. To him, it’s the only warm place in camp during December and they cannot get rid of him till they physically kick him out. Even then, Leo built a bunk for him by the fireplace so they can have sleepovers sometimes.

Leo is in the infirmary every other week. Sometimes Jason or Piper or Nyssa drags him in so Will can tell him to eat/sleep. Sometimes he shows up with Piper yelling behind him like an ambulance because he cut himself on a sheet of Celestial Bronze. On one memorable occasion, Leo dragged himself from Bunker Nine to the Apollo Cabin at midnight because he broke his leg when something exploded. Will has since demanded that Leo keep crutches and ambrosia in Bunker Nine in case another Incident™️ happens.

Sometimes Jason comes into the infirmary acting all secretive like a shitty spy to ask how Leo is doing. Will refuses to snitch on his friend but subtly slides the patient reports over the desk. He pretends not to notice when Jason opens up Leo’s file. It makes Jason think he’s sneaky (he is incorrect).

This question has been going around my mind for a while and it's:

Will Solace has more ships that doesn't include nico?

He's a character that got relevant when (for some reason) people started to use canon as a bible and he on canon has a boyfriend that is very loved character by the famdom, so im not surprised of see how poor is the variety for his pairings

But I know that he still has some ships around, and im curious to see how many are, and also see the ones that are hidden behind the rocks

So... I'm encouraging everyone to Use this post to share or even ramble about your ships for this guy that aren't solangelo (or solangelo related)

( always being respectful please, there's no need to be rude if you don't share the opinions of other people, if you don't like it, just scroll)

[toxictrannyfreak]

PART 2 OF THE FINLEYS DANGER DAYS OPINIONS SAGA

anyway. after bulletproof heart we’ve got

4) SING

which is another favorite of mine and has a LOT of lyrics,,

“boy you’ve got to see what tomorrow brings/girl you’ve got to be what tomorrow needs” like uh. the historic pattern of victims of oppression having to take action instead of. waiting to see what tomorrow brings.

“you’ve got to make a choice of the music drowns you out and raise your voice every single time they try and shut your mouth” that speaks for itself

AND THEN

LIKE OKAY,

again with the children and fighting the hopelessness.. and also parallel with song of the century w “generation nothing nothing but a dead scene product of a white dream” vs “my generation is zero I never made it as a working class hero” this song makes me feel things

5) Planetary (GO!)

this one vibes and is kinda more urgent than the others just because it transitions from creepy opening to a more frantic beat later on. it starts with “there might be something outside your window but you’ll just never know”

and then later it says “ladies and gentlemen, truth is now acceptable, fame is now injectable, process the progress” and THEN “this planet’s ours to defend ain’t got no time to pretend don’t fuck around this is our last chance” which hi. I would ask apollo stay away from that one but 😐

and the chorus starts with “who they want you to be / who they wanted to see” which okay goodbye I’m queer and this is fine

and then “they sell presentable young and so ingestible, sterile and collectible, safe and I can’t stand it” STILL WITH THE CHILDREN and I actually have more opinions about this specifically relating to the cancellation of queer children’s media and celebrities like Who Are You Protecting

6) The Only Hope For Me Is You

THIS SONG. I’m normal about it

It opens with a string of faded “remember me”s and then goes “where will you stand when all the lights go out across these city streets / where were you when all of the embers fell? I still remember there covered in ash covered in glass covered in all my friends I still think of the bombs they built” HELLO AMERICA

the only lyric™️ in the chorus really is “and if we can’t find where we belong we’ll have to make it on our own” and this one isn’t about children necessarily but it IS about fighting hopelessness and a world that doesn’t want you so…

and THEN “how would you be, many years after the disasters that we’ve seen? what have we learned other than people burn in purifying flame? I’ll say it’s okay, I know you can tell, and though you can see me smile I still think of the guns they sell” which,,,,,, okay there’s a lot to say about this but moving on

7) Jet-Star and the Kobra Kid/Traffic Report

like the first one, this isn’t musical. it’s another disembodied voice report from nowhere, and it informs you that two people have died and then moves on immediately and says “keep your boots tight keep your gun close and die with your mask on if you’ve got to. here is the traffic” I HAVE THOUGHTS

bestie’s out here dismissing human life and then talks about guns and masks. i am making this face

Yea. That last lyric. Hits a bit right now.

But like the, ‘Truth is now acceptable, fame is now injectable, process the progress’ DAMN that’s good.

[hello-yue-here]

i would like to hear about your play

THANK YOU!

okay so i decided to write an adaptation of the myth of orion and artemis in which they are besties and artemis is aroace and orion is a gay man. BUT GUESS WHAT FUCKERS. IT TAKES PLACE IN THE WILD WEST. THATS RIGHT ARTEMIS IS A BOUNTY HUNTER BABY AND SO IS ORION.

to preface, the myth goes like this:

artemis is the greatest hunter ever. orion is the most sought after man in greece. shes a virgin goddess who has never and will never love anyone romantically and she is perfectly happy that way. orion is a gay man. they meet on a hunt and artemis is glad to have someone worthy to hunt with her because orion is great at it and she likes that he has never tried to make a move on her and they become rlly good friends. he doesnt know shes artemis. she reveals that shes the goddess and orion is MORTIFIED. artemis is like no idc were friends we can stay friends. anyways they hunt and at night they usually fall asleep around a fire anf one night apollo sees them and gets the wrong idea™️. backtrack: apollo and orion lowkey got a thaaang goin on. apollo gets healous, doesnt allow orion to explain, and lies to artemis about one of her priestesses being attacked. he says that the guy is trying to escape the island by swimming away and points out a tiny black speck on the water. artemis hits the speck and kills the man. TRUTH TIME. no one was attacked. apollo sent a scorpion to kill orion and orion swam out to see to escape it and apollo lied to artemis causing her to kill her best friend. she then makes him into a constellation on one sode of the sky and turns the scorpion into one of the other side, as far away in the sky from orion as possible. the end. thats it thats the myth its rlly sad but i think its got so much potential to be a good play so BAM i did it.

the main themes of the show are

-exclusionists have no place in the lgbtq+ community (apollo is a gay man who does not accept artemis being aroace and then he is eventually forced by artemis to leave town)

-romantic love is not the only form of love and is jot the only way for people to achieve happiness. aroace people shouldnt have to feel like theyre life isnt meaningful or complete if they dont have romance. honestly no one should have to feel like the end all be all in life is romance if thats not what brings them true happiness but i think society places too much importance on that. im gonna enphasize in this play that there are many ways to find true happiness!

-aroace people ARE capable of love (heyo familial and platonic love!)

-artemis and orion are the best best friends to ever best friend

when i was given this assignment i used it as a chance to learn more ab aromanticism and asexuality because ive been trying to figure out if i fit into those labels at all (still working on that but im def on the aroace spectrum i believe) and while i was doing research and atuff i found a lot of hate towards aroaces and a lot of it even came from within yhe lgbtq+ community so yk what? im gonna write my play ab how aroaces are a welcome part of thel lgbtq plus community. i also want everyone to he a cowboy.

so yep! thats the play! artemis also runs a safe house in the west for members of the lgbtq+ community anf while apollo does love his sister he does not accept the fact that shes aroace so hes the exculsionist in the lgbtq community and the people of the safehouse (based on artemis priestesses in greek mythology) represent the lgbtq+ community that is for EVERYONE. artemis and apollos relationships is supposed to represent familial love. artemis and orions friendship is platonic love. and apollo and orions relationship is romantic love (until things go south cuz if yk the myth well,,, you know that apollo fucks shit up for orion…)

anyways my professor said she loved it and said she hopes i continue writing this and i was like HOLY SHIT SOMEONE WHOS AN EXPERT IN THIS FIELD LIKED MY PLAY so yeah maybe i will continue to write this

obviously im still learning ab exlusionist and aromaticism and asexuality but were all learning !! and this i think this is gonna be a good way to help motivate me to learn even more :D

[hogoflight]

EXTRA RANDOM VAGUELY-RELATED BITS THAT HAVE BEEN ROTATING IN MY BRAIN FOR A WHILE:

more stuff that highlights them being very excited silly (and also very mother-hen worried) mentor & Rachel Dare™️ apprentice. They hang out on rooftops and eat McDonalds’ (Apollo sometimes bothers her about her leaning too far off the edge) and Apollo excitedly rambles on about (sometimes vaguely useful) tips and tricks towards writing prophecies and verbalising them correctly and safely, (“always try to think about why you choose specific words and why you don’t choose others, and what they could potentially mean for the people involved. And remember to TAKE BREAKS if you feel exhausted! Do not test me Rachel Dare I can and WILL confine you bed-rest if you stretch yourself too far and mark my words, I WILL restrict your dreams to only the most warm and comforting of memories!” “NO NOT ONLY THE MOST WARM AND COMFORTING OF MEMORIES WHAT ABOUT MY PORTENTS OF DOOM,” etc.) and also around background information surrounding the history of Delphi and how prophecy works with all the different deities of fate!

He also encourages Rachel practicing her subconscious prophetic abilities (“It’s like the Spidey sense! I gave it to you so you could pre-emptively strike your foes down with that favoured blue hairbrush of yours!” “Speaking of I’m running out of those actually wanna go buy like 50 more and worry the cashier and everyone in a 10 foot radius?” “Why, I would love to!”) with card games. I need to emphasise he is training her to cheat at card games this will not end well for anyone involved (especially Apollo he’s never winning anything ever. Willingly). HE’S LIKE A MIX OF MENTOR / OLDER FRIEND WHO’S IN UNI AND VISITS SOMETIMES (WHILE YOU’RE IN HIGH SCHOOL) / MUM FRIEND / CASUAL PATRON GOD / CHEAP BABYSITTER. He would go “did you forget to take your meds, bestie?” And Rachel would reply “BESTIE! PLEASE NEVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN! I did thank you for checking.” “Of COURSE, Rachel, that’s my job! I have a responsibility to be a good mentor and win at mentoring, a reasonable goal to want to achieve!”

Apollo keeps sending her small self-care packages to remind her to take care of herself after delivering prophecies (which can be a VERY taxing process) and often is the one who phones the school when she needs to take a day off! They start off with, like, concealer or fancy coffee and escalate to a fully handmade woven weighted blanket fit for a king-size mattress with beautiful designs made with celestial imagery, the E of Delphi (of course), more general Delphic symbolism, stuffed in her locker. Also an entire dragon skull for Art???? (“Wow your cult leader really cares about your well-being and self-care huh,” “please he’s NOT a cult leader do not encourage him,”)

He keeps finding more and more esoteric ways to nag Rachel for Golden Oreos at random points in the day. Think stuff like for 5 minutes the only thing she can write is “GOLDEN OREOS BUY AFTER SCHOOL. SUNSET SACRIFICE. GOLDEN OREOS BUY AFTER SCHOOL. SUNSET SACRIFICE.” and ravens ominously croak “GolDEn OReo… GOLDen OReO…” through the window he’s very insistent.

Rachel’s friends are all freaking out (WITH EXCITEMENT) when they realise they’ll get to meet him at some point. They don’t know WHAT they’re expecting but IT IS NOT this weirdly pretty guy who seems like a pretty old older brother who rants about the art exhibition he got tickets to and refuses to drive until Rachel puts her seatbelt on and also IS A FATHER OF 8. WHAT??

He’s very frustrating with them when they ask him about his religion however (“Oh yes I’m atheist you could say. The only God I believe in is myself!” “I think you should never speak again ever,” “have you forgotten to taken your meds” “oh you’re right thank you”). The closest they’ve ever gotten is when they slipped up and Rachel’s friends accidentally opened the door to Rachel’s HUGE basement and caught them ominously chanting something that kinda sounds like Greek?? With glowing lights and plants and stuff. The whole everything. But they blink and they’re still on the ground floor and there is no basement door?? He completely pretends this never ever happened because of course he does (he is having so so much fun).

Everything is revealed with a monster attack / mugging where Rachel sends a quick prayer to Apollo and he comes and utterly smites them out of existence with a “Oh, hello Rachel!! There’s my Pythia! You have eaten in the past 6 hours haven’t you?? I brought Starbucks with me in case you needed a pick-me-up (as the kids say)!”. Cue her friends completely losing their minds at him just aPPEARING OUT OF THIN AIR FROM A GOLDEN SPARKLE CLOUD AND DISSOLVING LIKE 3 PEOPLE INTO DUST INSTANTLY THEN FUCKING SPAWNING IN FOOD OR SOMETHING LIKE IT’S MINECRAFT AND MANAGING TO PRONOUNCE BRACKETS OUT LOUD?? After that either they come clean and explain that The Gods Exist Actually or Apollo does a freaky mind-wipe God thing with a twist on the “IT WAS ALL A DREAM” trope with a mysterious lingering sense of unease.

Rachel Dare accidentally slips up one day at school and now all her friends joke that she’s either in a cult or a deputy (??) cult leader and make fun of her for it all the time. She gets dress coded by a teacher at some point for wearing aesthetic sun jewellery / some fancy rendition of the Delphic E and her friends jokingly go “NO you can’t do that it’s religious!” And she goes “I mean. well. Technically.” And then they start yelling.

They ABSOLUTELY have a conspiracy board surrounding this. Apollo thinks this is the absolute funniest thing ever.

[thetimetraveler24]

The Lost Hero

Jason is a cocky, hot blonde dude.

Piper is some really tan chick with feathers so you know she’s Native American 🙄

Leo… is the dude from Ant Man and that’s pretty much the movie’s only redeeming quality because if it was animated, he’d be a perfect Leo ngl.

Clarisse is there and she’s super worried about Percy being missing for some reason?

Coach Hedge is cut from the film.

Will is casually now the Apollo head counselor.

They’ll probably give Will and Clarisse beef with each other for some stupid reason.

Hera is kind and loving mother a la Hercules by Disney.

Zeus/Jupiter helps Jason. A lot. Like Poseidon did with Percy in movie one. Many voice overs.

Thalia shows up to be like “omg ur my bro!”

The trio probably splits up. Piper goes and defeats Enchiladas and saves her dad then meets Jason and Leo at the Wolf House.

Transportation? What is that? They can teleport with those weird things Luke used in SoM.

Khione is just misunderstood or something. Idk man.

The Son of Neptune

Percy keeps Achilles curse

Frank is already muscular and confident.

Also Mars has already claimed him and he’s everything Clarisse should have been in SoM.

Lmao I’d literally die if they just replaced Hazel with Bianca since they didn’t kill Bianca off.

Hazel is Black Sidekick Friend™️ and her backstory is not expanded on at all.

Also there’s no cutsie frazle moments, they just get together at the end of the movie.

Ella is cut out. They just come across a fricken iPad with the Sibylline books.

Quest is about getting the weapons and eagle back, not freeing Thanatos.

It would be hilarious if they called him Thanos and got the marvel guy to play him. Just like Persephone in the underworld in the summer in TLT

No Hylla and no Amazons.

The Mark of Athena

Finding the statue is the main quest and people go with Annabeth instead of her by herself.

They accidentally find Nico who’s all “how dare you leave me to rot in Tartarus” and he’s all badass and stuff because he’s a Bad Guy™️ and that stuff doesn’t affect his mental health at all.

The eidolons don’t possess them. They just shapeshift and pretend to be them.

Weird scene where it cuts between Percy fighting Jason (who’s really an eidolon) and Jason fighting Percy (who’s really an eidolon) and then Percy and Jason kill the eidolons.

Awkward joke like about being relieved they didn’t kill the other.

They learn that maybe Gaea just might be the big bad. Oooooooh.

Stables scene is NOT rated PG.

Percy and Annabeth decide to go to Tartarus to close the doors of death.

Arachne is irrelevant.

The House of Hades

Well if they haven’t made Nico gay yet, the probably will now.

He’s still a Bad Guy™️ because we all know unrequited love makes you evil. And in THO, they can spin bf Will as redeeming sad emo gay.

Tartarus is NOT rated PG. I’m looking at you Tartarus fanfics. You definitely guessed the movie adaptation version correctly. 50 Shades of Gray, more like 50 Shades of Fire Water.

Idk Reyna probably gets a phone call from Annabeth in Tartarus telling her to go get the statue.

OH MY GOD THEY GIVE OCTAVIAN REYNA’S PART AND HE GOES TO GET THE STATUE.

Calypso swooning over Leo.

Leo swooning over Calypso.

Relationship developed through montages yet it’s the best developed relationship in the movies.

Bob and Damasen turn out to be asshole Titan and Giant because you can’t have a good guy monster!

Reyna and Octavian show up and defeat Clytius and save the Seven and Nico from him.

The Blood of Olympus

Nico low key just kills Octavian at some point and when they get back Reyna gives some bs speech about how Octavian protected her on the journey and gave his life for her.

Also the Hunters are in a civil war. Bianca’s evil child of Hades side supporting Orion and Thalia’s morally gray side supporting… Thalia.

Bianca dies but it’s okay. Nico isn’t sad by the end of the movie because he’s got Will now.

Percy and Annabeth are getting married because idk. He proposed in hell or something.

Piper, Jason, and Leo ALL die and come back with the Physicians Cure that idk I guess the Apollo kids just have on hand.

Honestly, this one is pretty accurate to the Seven’s journey just without looking for the ingredients for the cure.

No bloody nose starting apocalypses. It’s some badass fight scene that doesn’t make sense because Percy has the curse of Achilles still.

So recently I was watching a YouTube video on how badly the Peter Johnson movies messed up and the question of how the film makers expected to continue the series was posed. So I’m going to give you my admittedly crack predictions.

The Titan’s Curse

Emo Nico from the beginning.

Bianca would probably be in love with Percy and refuse to join the hunters.

She’d also survive the quest and then join the hunters at the end of the movie.

The writers would probably skim Nico’s wiki page and see that he’s gay.

We’d have the Cupid scene like six books too soon.

Or worse they’d make him straight and remember some girlfriend he had in the 1930s or something.

Percy would definitely fight Atlas instead of letting Artemis do it.

Luke would probably be a cyborg because Polyphemus definitely ate him when Luke got stuck in his cave at the end of the last movie.

Or in some bs move, Luke would be dead and Ethan Nakamura took over the army.

THE DAM JOKES WOULD NOT EXIST!

Nico’s the villain because as we all know, Hades is evil and so are his kids.

Thalia wouldn’t join the hunters.

She’d go off and join with Luke.

Zoe would be made out to be an asshole not a hurt victim that eventually connects with Percy in a meaningful way.

Or, you know, she’d try to kiss him because that’s what a really devote hunter like Zoe would do.

Also riptide wouldn’t be her’s.

The Battle of the Labyrinth

Nico would try to kill Percy.

Bianca just wouldn’t be in it at all.

Rachel would be a Rich Girl™️ that doesn’t give a crap about the planet.

She and Nico would probably kiss or something. Gross.

Calypso and Ogygia would be cut out.

Daedalus and Nico are secretly working together to take down Camp Half-Blood.

Pan would be cut out.

The Panic would be written in as a power all satyrs have.

No Juniper. We all know Grover’s too much of a womanizer to settle down like that.

No Clarisse and Chris arc. Which would be forgivable because you do have to cut some stuff but it adds to Clarisse’s character I think.

The Last Olympian

No Beckendorf. Percy would blow up the boat himself.

No visit to Poseidon. There’s literally no point since he tells Percy to ask Chiron to hear the prophecy and Percy already learned it in SoM.

Silena isn’t the spy. She was already revealed to be on Luke’s side in SoM.

It’s actually Annabeth because love triangles and Thalia is her BFF.

Ares cabin doesn’t back out of the fight because Percy and Clarisse have their dumb friendly banter and she agrees to fight with them.

Nico kidnaps Percy and shoved him into the Styx without getting Sallys blessing and it works?

Nico shows up to the battle at some point without his dad and offers Luke and Thalia his help. Only to turn around on them at the last minute but he literally summons a fricken legion of zombies that would be impossible for him to do without dying?

During big battle, Thalia removes Luke’s prosthetic arm and stabs him because she had a change of heart and/or was a double agent the whole time.

And everyone finds out Annabeth was a spy but it’s fine because she and Percy are dating now after zero romantic buildup.

Also Thalia joins the hunters because they need to squeeze that in for the spin off series Heroes of Olympus. Apparently that comes up a few times based on the wiki page the writers skimmed.

Apollo cabin isn’t there when Percy destroys the bridge.

(Michael’s death is going to be brought up in passing in The Lost Hero or Will Solace was just head counselor the whole time which totally makes sense because he’s like eleven or twelve when Lee dies)

Rachel would just… show up and suddenly be the Oracle now.

Percy’s wish from the gods would remain the same (except for Calypso since she was cut out) and just wouldn’t make sense because it’s not in line for the character they wrote him as in the movies.

No underwater kiss. It would be on Olympus and everyone (even Athena) would be clapping and cheering.

(Heroes of Olympus crack predictions to come)

[fablefan]

[Pushes in the revolving door] NO YOU KNOW WHAT on second thought I’m not done yet

This post was supposed to be a joke, but now that I’ve thought about it a lot more in depth, it makes perfect sense, because Phoenix being a Paladin doesn’t just fit him on a surface level, it fits him narratively, thematically, AND from a gameplay standpoint as well!

One of the key differences between a Bard and Paladin, for those who don’t play Dungeons and Dragons 5E, is how they get their spell casting ability. Both key off of the Charisma stat, yes, but that’s just for gameplay / rule-tracking reasons. Charisma (shortened to CHA) is a representation of sense of self, so yes, it is how well you can handle social situations, but it’s also how you see yourself, what you believe in, and your presence to others.

In the lore / universe of DnD, Bards get their abilities by being a performer with a stage presence, using their abilities to tune into the magic of the Weave (basically a big blanket that covers the world and the reason someone can do magic at all).

It’s why Trucy and Klavier are Bards! They love theatrics and presenting themselves and their talents before people for fun! But more importantly, they pour their entire heart into their performances. Trucy wants to live up to be a great magician, while Klavier is, well, a rock star.

A Paladin? They get their spellcasting from the raw, intense faith they have in their oath.

Phoenix made that oath not once, not twice, but three times. Phoenix “I-was-bullied-horrendously-for-something-I-didn’t-do and-I-promised-myself-to-become-a-defense-attorney-so-the-innocent-would-have-someone-to-stand-up-for-them” Wright made his first oath when he was very young.

He made the second when he was older, as the Mr. Phoenix “I-changed-my-major-and-life-goal-after-seeing-my-best-friend-fall-into-darkness-and-I-promised-myself-I-would-confront-him-and-pull-him-back” Wright we like to tease him for.

But you know what happens when a Paladin doesn’t uphold their oath? What happens when they break it or can’t uphold it anymore? What happens if they don’t believe in their oath anymore?

They fall from grace. They have to complete and entire sojourn and complete rites in order to become a Paladin again. Usually with help from either another Paladin (hello Apollo, nice to see you, how ya been —) or a Cleric (one could make a case with Edgeworth)

And that’s where the third oath comes back, newly restored to his status as defense attorney once again: his promise to help reconstruct the legal system and introduce the jurist system along with Edgeworth, so that what happens to him never happens again.

All that stuff aside, Paladins are also not just knights (although Phoenix does have a lot of knightly associations with him), they’re also known as Tanks. Defenders. Front-line fighters. It’s why they need their Strength score to be high, so they can protect these people who need them and fight those who try to harm them. It really encapsulates how Phoenix is kind of this one-man-army in the game, fighting against a system that seems very one-sided, and winning.

(This also could just be reaching at this point, but Paladins are also sometimes called ‘novas’, like in ‘supernova’: capable of doing a lot of damage all at once, but it can either go horribly awry or miss entirely if not done correctly, with very little chance of getting it all lined up again. Does This Remind You Of Anything? BluffingI’mtalkingaboutbluffingCOUGH)

More importantly, though, Paladins are also Healers. They bring comfort and reassurance in times of crisis. As much as we like to joke about Phoenix and his army of kids, he totally stepped in when he was needed and helped them with their life and put them in a much better place then they would have been in otherwise.

Again, his whole thing with Edgeworth, too! His promise to pull him back from being The Demon Prosecutor™️, and put him on a better path then he EVER could have been with von Karma.

So to recap, a Paladin --

Has several knight connotations

Has a powerful oath and strict rules and beliefs they must follow, otherwise they fall and must try to correct it to restore themselves

Are front-line fighters against what they see as injustice or unfairness and stop oppression or

Protectors of those who might not be able to protect themselves

Healers who help those who’ve been harmed and lead them towards recovery

In short — Phoenix Wright is 100% a Paladin who is more then capable of lifting his family up physically and metaphorically, and also fully capable of princess-carrying Edgeworth, thank you for coming to my TED talk.

So I keep seeing everyone say “oh Phoenix is a Bard! He just has that energy!” And I just wanna say no

No.

No no no no no no no you do not understand

Phoenix Wright is 100% Paladin, the man has (almost) zero Wisdom or Intelligence scores, and a VERY HIGH Charisma, but you know what other very important thing he has? Beefy forearms and fat tiddies.

Hope this clears things up for everyone

[thetimetraveler24]

The Hidden Oracle

Lester’s surprisingly hot.

Or at least moderately attractive.

Meg is aged up to be close in age to what Lester appear to be because you know they’re going to throw in a lil relationship there. A guy and a girl can’t be friends, no they have to date.

Percy’s like “hell yeah I’ll help you old buddy old pal.”

Annabeth is, in fact, in Boston.

Norse music intensifies

Solangelo is actually done very well so that’s one positive.

Meg isn’t working with Nero.

She’s a Good Guy™️.

Nico does some badass hero thing because he’s a child of the big three so he’s contractually obligated to do something cool.

Leo and Calypso are already at Camp.

Leo’s like “dude I got a ride!”

Campers wearing masks after Lester infects them all with that plague arrow.

2020 flashbacks sorry not sorry

Legitimate ride off into the sunset

The Dark Prophecy

Disregarding the fact that hunters can’t date…

Emmie and Jo are still hunters.

Georgie is also a hunter and aged up.

Love triangle with Meg, Apollo, and Tall Dark and Jamie.

Idk, this books was kind of forgettable imo.

So imma say this movie is like the Cars 2 of the franchise.

The Burning Maze

Yeah so Piper and Jason are still together.

Also, another love triangle with Apollo, Meg, and that Joshua plant.

Medea and Apollo are secretly dating. Gasp!

But he broke her heart and now she’s going to kill him to bring back her dear old gramps.

Considering that’s pretty close to the actual myth with Medea and Jason…

No Crest (sad face emoji)

Jason survives!

And he goes on the quest with Apollo and Meg because he and Piper have now broken up.

The Tyrant’s Tomb

Both Jason and Apollo get infected on the way to Camp Jupiter.

Lavinia is either not in it or she’s super minor character.

And possibly straight.

Reypollo would totally happen.

Apollo wouldn’t need Diana’s help.

So no hunters.

And Reyna wouldn’t join because she dating Apollo.

Aged up Meg is jealous but let’s it happen.

Reyna breaks up with Apollo because she’s gotta stay at Camp Jupiter.

The Tower of Nero

Lu’s undeniably on Meg and Apollo’s side.

But she’s still a badass so it’s fine.

Rachel and Apollo have a steamy angry make out session.

Gross I hated writing that.

Percy’s in this because of course he is.

He goes with Meg and Apollo with Will and Nico to see the troglodytes.

Will and Nico are their cute selves yay!

Percy helps Apollo and Meg break into the tower with a fricken hurricane or something.

Big battle time. Suddenly, all the people Apollo and Meg have met arrive and it’s a nice Infinity War face off.

Neros defeat is anticlimactic.

Pythons defeat is not. It’s epically awesome.

Apollo wakes up on Olympus and is totally able to use his powers.

He never appears as Lester, just as Apollo when he visits everyone.

Is Shelper a thing? Unclear.

Percy and Annabeth have the cutest little apartment in New Rome for fan service purposes.

Leo and Calypso are doing good so that’s good.

Meg is at Camp HB not that nature place.

Jason moves to NY to be at Camp HB.

Also he’s dating Lit now.

Hazel and Frank are cuties. Enough said.

And we end with Nico and Will’s prophecy.

So recently I was watching a YouTube video on how badly the Peter Johnson movies messed up and the question of how the film makers expected to continue the series was posed. So I’m going to give you my admittedly crack predictions.

The Titan’s Curse

Emo Nico from the beginning.

Bianca would probably be in love with Percy and refuse to join the hunters.

She’d also survive the quest and then join the hunters at the end of the movie.

The writers would probably skim Nico’s wiki page and see that he’s gay.

We’d have the Cupid scene like six books too soon.

Or worse they’d make him straight and remember some girlfriend he had in the 1930s or something.

Percy would definitely fight Atlas instead of letting Artemis do it.

Luke would probably be a cyborg because Polyphemus definitely ate him when Luke got stuck in his cave at the end of the last movie.

Or in some bs move, Luke would be dead and Ethan Nakamura took over the army.

THE DAM JOKES WOULD NOT EXIST!

Nico’s the villain because as we all know, Hades is evil and so are his kids.

Thalia wouldn’t join the hunters.

She’d go off and join with Luke.

Zoe would be made out to be an asshole not a hurt victim that eventually connects with Percy in a meaningful way.

Or, you know, she’d try to kiss him because that’s what a really devote hunter like Zoe would do.

Also riptide wouldn’t be her’s.

The Battle of the Labyrinth

Nico would try to kill Percy.

Bianca just wouldn’t be in it at all.

Rachel would be a Rich Girl™️ that doesn’t give a crap about the planet.

She and Nico would probably kiss or something. Gross.

Calypso and Ogygia would be cut out.

Daedalus and Nico are secretly working together to take down Camp Half-Blood.

Pan would be cut out.

The Panic would be written in as a power all satyrs have.

No Juniper. We all know Grover’s too much of a womanizer to settle down like that.

No Clarisse and Chris arc. Which would be forgivable because you do have to cut some stuff but it adds to Clarisse’s character I think.

The Last Olympian

No Beckendorf. Percy would blow up the boat himself.

No visit to Poseidon. There’s literally no point since he tells Percy to ask Chiron to hear the prophecy and Percy already learned it in SoM.

Silena isn’t the spy. She was already revealed to be on Luke’s side in SoM.

It’s actually Annabeth because love triangles and Thalia is her BFF.

Ares cabin doesn’t back out of the fight because Percy and Clarisse have their dumb friendly banter and she agrees to fight with them.

Nico kidnaps Percy and shoved him into the Styx without getting Sallys blessing and it works?

Nico shows up to the battle at some point without his dad and offers Luke and Thalia his help. Only to turn around on them at the last minute but he literally summons a fricken legion of zombies that would be impossible for him to do without dying?

During big battle, Thalia removes Luke’s prosthetic arm and stabs him because she had a change of heart and/or was a double agent the whole time.

And everyone finds out Annabeth was a spy but it’s fine because she and Percy are dating now after zero romantic buildup.

Also Thalia joins the hunters because they need to squeeze that in for the spin off series Heroes of Olympus. Apparently that comes up a few times based on the wiki page the writers skimmed.

Apollo cabin isn’t there when Percy destroys the bridge.

(Michael’s death is going to be brought up in passing in The Lost Hero or Will Solace was just head counselor the whole time which totally makes sense because he’s like eleven or twelve when Lee dies)

Rachel would just… show up and suddenly be the Oracle now.

Percy’s wish from the gods would remain the same (except for Calypso since she was cut out) and just wouldn’t make sense because it’s not in line for the character they wrote him as in the movies.

No underwater kiss. It would be on Olympus and everyone (even Athena) would be clapping and cheering.

(Heroes of Olympus crack predictions to come)