#Anywho happy november!!

[fordanoia]

Fandom: Gravity Falls || CW: Minor mentions of Blood  || Stan comes to Gravity Falls, but when Ford doesn’t show up he has to go looking for him. Amidst, a strange house and a mysterious presence he tries to figure out what exactly is going on and where Ford disappeared to.

Chapter: Answers

______(~10k words)______

[cozy-the-overlord]

OH MY GOODNESS

so one of the speakers at this seminar was a tv and film critic, and a group of us were talking to her afterwards. The conversation turned to tv shows that went on way too long and ended horribly, and one of the other students brought up supernatural. Another student joined in, and they were just talking about how terrible the ending was, simply from a critic perspective, and I’m just sitting there thinking “do they know it’s November 5? They have to know, right? Do I make the joke? Do I make the joke?” until finally I couldn’t take it anymore and joked about how I’ve never watched Supernatural but I was on tumblr 2 years ago and feel like I know everything about the show, and they both lit up. One of them was like “yeah, it’s the anniversary!!” and then all three of us started talking very loudly all at once trying to explain to this very professional and very befuddled group of people (film critic included) about November fifth and the 2020 election and gay angels and Putin and it was very much possibly the best moment of my life

[warmaidensrevenge]

Love and pinball

Pairings: Eddie x Chrissy x plus!size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

A/N: Hey there. I know it's been a while. I'm so sorry for not posting as often. I've been going through some stuff and working on a lot of other things. But anywho, I finally finished up this next part. As always thanks for reading. Feedback is greatly appreciated and feel free to comment/ reblog. I'm always open to suggestions. Okay love ya byyyyyeeee.

I do not give permission for my work to be posted anywhere else. Please respect all creators. Also, all pictures used for this fic came from a Google search. A credit to the original posters.

Word count: 5,000+

Warnings: 18+ No minors please. Language, jealousy, sexual situations, alcohol use and not proof read.

Summary: The truth comes out. Leaving Eddie in a world of happiness and confusion.

Part 6: How it's supposed to feel.

Christmas was perfect. Though Eddie felt bad for crashing the party, what it all came down to was being with you. Whether it be hiding in a broom closet, making out in Paul's insanely rich in-laws house. Or in a cowboy bar on New Year's Eve. Which was what you and him were currently walking into.

You somehow convinced him to go and have a few drinks. He was now sitting on a bar stool being led with countless others to a cheers. Lead by who you ask? Well, the damn beautiful girl he came with.

" Alright you crazy fuckers!" You called out and held up a shot of tequila. "Here's to the ladies who save a horse and ride a cowboy."

The crowd who gathered around you whooped and hollered. Shooting back their drinks. You smirked at him and took your shot. When you were finished you moved past a few people to get to him. You grabbed his hand and pulled him up.

" Common cowboy. I wanna dance."

He raised a brow. " I'm anything but a cowboy sweetheart."

You lifted to your toes and gave him a little kiss. " So what you're saying is that I have to find a cowboy to ride tonight?"

He pulled at your hip to make your body flush with his. He then gave your ass a little tap." Don't tease me baby. But…if you want someone to ride. I better be that only someone."

You move so that your noses touched. " Mmm curls. You know that you're the only guy I want. " You nudged his nose with yours before pulling him to the dance floor.

He smirked and adjusted himself. You had definitely made it hard to not think about the warmth between your legs. Especially when your ass was being hugged by the blue jeans you were wearing. He could watch you walk away anytime if it meant he got to see that.

Once on the dance floor to Eddie's surprise the song that started was one he knew. Layla by Derek & The dominos.

He pulled you so that you were swaying your bottom against him. While following the beat, he held you close to him. Towards the end of the song he turned you around and rocked you back and forth. You smiled up at him and he smiled back.

" Do you want another drink?" He asked.

" Yes please."

He leaned in and whispered in your ear. " Don't dance with anyone when I'm gone."

You smirked. " I wouldn't dare…I'll wait by that beam." You pointed in the direction he would find you.

He gave you a kiss and hurried to get back. He was gone for one song and when he turned to head your way, he saw some tall medium build guy with a full on beard tipping his hat to you. While Eddie was pushing through the people, he thought that the guy was passing by. But he actually stopped and was talking to you. Eddie saw you take a step away from the guy. However your efforts to reject the dude didn't seem to faze him.

As Eddie pushed forward he saw the cowboy caress your arm. A burning rage filled him. He suddenly handed off the drinks to some random person so he could get to you quicker. Just a few feet away now he saw you put a hand on the guy's chest and slightly pushed him away. That's when Eddie nearly lost it. But then he saw you laugh and he was confused.

Finally within earshot he heard the guy.

" C'mon kitten. One dance."

" Sorry. But my boyfriend wouldn't like that very much."

The guy chuckled. "Let me show you what a real man can do."

Eddie watched as the guy tucked your hair back.

" Sugar. I can make you cum with just two fingers."

That's it mother fucker!

Eddie was a few steps behind you, ready to charge when he saw you get closer to the guy. Making him stop in his tracks.

" Mmm what an offer. But…my man can do it with just one." You took a half step back. " Isn't that right baby?"

You turned and looked over your shoulder. With a smirk on your face. Eddie then moved next to you and wrapped an arm around your waist. Glaring at the douche bag.

The guy stepped back and Eddie looked like if that guy said another word, he was gonna pounce. So you turned to face him, pulling at his chin so you could get his attention.

When he met your eyes he started to calm down.

You smiled up at him. " Common curls. Want to put that thick long finger to use?"

He smirked and chuckled. Grabbing you by the hip. Pulling so that your bodies were pressing against one anothers.

He quickly glanced at the guy letting him know you were his. " I'll give you more than a finger sweetheart."

…

"Ohhh fuuuuu…y-yeah. y-yes."

Eddie moaned uncontrollably. The way you sucked him off had his eyes rolling back. You had done this thing where you hollow out your cheeks with your hand wrapped around him. Following your mouth, creating this extra type of suction. It was incredible. He had already came once. And to his surprise you did something that Chrissy refused to do. You swallowed.

Still not done with him, you continued. Though he was so damn sensitive, he really couldn't do anything about it besides tell you. That's because his hands were tied to the headboard. Still, his pleas went ignored. Instead you pouted, giving him puppy dog eyes. Next thing he knew he was hard again. And you were doing such a good fucking job. Giving his cock little kisses and stroking him gently. Until he begged you to put it in your mouth. That's when your puppy dog eyes went dark.

You took him in a few times before retreating with a little pop as your lips left his tip.

" Mmmm you want to come again, pretty boy?"

"Sh-sh-shit baby. Please please. I want you. I-I need to feel you."

You gave him a few more strokes before untying him. After you straddled him, you kissed his wrist. Then kissed him. That's when you started rubbing against him. He could feel how soaked your panties were. Making him even harder.

A few minutes went by when he had just about enough as he could take. He rolled you over and moved you so that you were on your stomach. He made quick work of your panties. Tossing the small bundle of fabric into the darkness of the room. While pushing your hair back and kissing your shoulder, he tucked a pillow under your lower belly. Perching your ass exactly right. He then spread your legs and got into position.

Eddie smacked then rubbed his cock on your bottom. Causing you goosebumps. You felt him spread you apart and run his length up and down your cunt. Gathering your slick. And without warning he pushed in. Making you grasp the pillow and cry out.

" That's it. Such a good girl." He cooed.

Once he felt you relax he slowly rolled his hips into your ass.

" Jesus!" He groaned, feeling your slick drip down his heavy balls.

After a few pumps he laid on top of you. Kissing you wherever he could.

" T-to the left Eddie."

He did as he was told. He lifted your left cheek and rammed in. Causing sweet cries from you.

" B-b-baby. Ugh God! So good. Y-you feel so good."

He buried himself in you to the point where he felt your body tremble.

" Eddie! OHHHHH."

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut and rested his forehead on your shoulder. Cumming along with you. This time he wished for something. He wished that you would get pregnant so that he could be linked with you forever.

As he laid there holding you after you two showered, he couldn't hold back what was shouting at him.

" I love you."

You looked up at him. Eyes moving back and forth between his. The smile that grew on your lips was beyond beautiful.

" Sucker." You whispered just before kissing him.

…

Anxiety and disbelief filled Eddie as he sat there not listening to a word Chrissy was saying. He had officially stopped listening when she said she was pregnant. The first thought he had was how this could happen? Then he thought about you. He was so happy 15 minutes ago when he left your house. Now his future with you was snatched from him.

How was he gonna have a baby with a girl he didn't love? How was he going to tell you? This was forsure the end of the relationship.

He was so close to having everything he ever wanted.

"Ed? … Ed?"

He blinked a few times before swallowing the rock in his throat. " H-how far along?"

" Four months."

He tried to go back to when that was. But he couldn't remember. That's when he looked at her. Actually looked at her. She was glowing. And even with her oversized shirt he could make out the smallest bump.

Tears filled his eyes. As much as he wanted to be happy. He just couldn't. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. So without saying another word, he left.

…

Once he pulled up to your place, he balled his eyes out. He cried for himself and for Chrissy. But he cried most of all for the future he thought he was going to have. A future with you.

He sat there for a while. Trying to put himself together enough to talk to you. But he was failing. That's when you opened the passenger door and climbed in.

" Bud? It's cold in here. You're gonna get sick."

Eddie hadn't even noticed he was shivering. You covered him in a small throw and started pouring him hot chocolate out of a thermos you brought. He then went to turn on the van and put the heat on full blast. You had settled in and sat quietly as he tried to drink what you gave him.

What felt like an eternity later you cleared your throat.

" Eddie, do…do you not want to do this anymore?"

He turned to you and grabbed your hand. " Yes y/n I do. I want us so bad…I just…" he sighed. " I just don't know how we can."

You furrowed your brow. " What does that mean?"

He hung his head and tried so hard to not cry again. After a moment you cupped his chin, lifting it so he could look at you.

"Eddie, whatever it is…you can tell me."

He looked back and forth between your eyes, then nodded.

He recounted what happened before he stopped listening.

-

He had walked in and called out to Chrissy. But there was no answer. That's when he went to the room and started packing. Planning on staying with Gareth until he could find his own place. After he packed most of his necessities he waited in the living room until Chrissy came home.

She smiled at him. " Hey! You're back. I hope you had a good Christmas and New years."

He got right to the point. " Chris, this relationship is over. It's been over for some time now. And I think you knew it too." He sighed a little before continuing. " I…I'm really sorry for all of this. I honestly didn't mean to fall for her…" he smiled to himself thinking about you. " But I did. I'm in love with her. And I think she loves me too. I just think she's not ready to tell me if you're still in the picture…she uhhh she asked me to be with her. And I want that. I want to be with her…just her."

He looked up and saw tears in Chrissy's eyes. He felt terrible. Still this needed to be done.

" I love her Chris… the way I loved you except…it's more you know." He reached up and wiped her tears aways. " I really am sorry Chris."

Chrissy sniffled and moved his hand away. " Eds, I know. I knew you were falling for her since the carnival…it was apart of the plan."

He was confused. " What plan? What are you talking about?"

Chrissy paused for a second freaking him out even more. " Eds I was gonna end things with you. But I needed to make sure you were gonna be okay. That's why I pushed for you to see someone else. But now I…I don't know."

Anger filled him. " This whole time Chrissy?! You wanted to break up all this time? Is that why you wanted to open up the relationship?" He stood up and faced her. " You should have just ended it! You should have-"

" Eds I'm pregnant."

A ringing filled his ears after hearing that. His stomach fell to his ass and he felt sick. That couldn't be true.

-

" Sweetheart?"

You weren't looking at him anymore. You were staring at your hand in his. Your silence scared the living shit out of him.

" Sweetheart?" He said again.

" C-congradulations. I uhhh. If you need anything. Just umm let me know yeah?"

Before he could say anything you were out of the van, hurrying up the sidewalk.

He quickly jumped out and chased you.

" Y/n wait."

You stopped as soon as you got on the porch. Making his stop on the bottom step.

" Y/n I'm so sorry. It was an accident."

" Go home Eddie."

He took a step up. " No please. I need to talk to you. We need to figure this out."

You turned around with tears streaming down your face. " There's nothing to figure out. There's no we anymore. There's only you and Chrissy and the baby…so go home. I-I'm sure Chrissy must be going through it right now."

" But y/n-"

" No Eddie. No buts." You took a couple steps forward. Only a few inches away from him.

He sniffled. " I'm s-sorry."

You then reached for his tears while he reached to wipe away yours.

" I... I love you Eddie…but I'm gonna love you from here…Go take care of Chrissy. And try to be happy..." you smiled a little. "You're gonna be a daddy bud."

He hung his head and cried after you left him standing there. And for the first time in his life, he heart was truly broken.

…

2 months later

Eddie was nothing but a shell of a guy. He was numb. Almost zombie-like. He did what you told him to do. He did the right thing. He stood with Chrissy. But he didn't expect her to need him as much as she did. She was having a rough go of it. Her morning sickness wasn't just in the morning and she was constantly crying. That or she would freak out on him. But no matter what she said or did, he tried to be a good partner. Even though he had been sleeping on the couch since the day you told him to go.

He dreamt of you almost every night. Always waking up crying. Most of the dreams he had were of how happy you two were. But sometimes he would dream of your face from that day. That pain and let down written on your face haunted him. He had never meant to hurt you. Not ever. And definitely not like that.

All he wanted to do was hold you. And tell you how much he still loved you.

There were times when he saw you heading to your shift at Family video. He wanted to say hi and ask how you were. But then he would stop himself from crossing the street. He didn't want to hurt you anymore than he already had.

Which you could say the same thing for yourself. The months were agonizing. Seeing him from afar made your heart ache so much you could barely hold yourself together. But the absolute worst thing about this break up was when Natalie asked for him.

Needless to say. Being without one another was one of the worst pains either of you ever felt.

That's why one night you decided to pick up a short shift at The Hideout on a Tuesday night.

You needed to see him. Needed to hear his voice. You had to talk to him.

-

Once the stage was all set up. Eddie had a quick meeting with the band.

It has been a while since he played for more than five drunks. So tonight was going to be different. Eddie made the decision to do covers tonight. Normally when the crowd was heavy like tonight, they would play a little bit of Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath and Metallica. Just a couple of popular songs from each band to draw more people each time Corroded Coffin performed.

The first song up was The Troop. Then immediately after they played For Whom the Bell Tolls.

The audience went nuts for that one. Reminding Eddie why he loved doing this. People from all walks of life, join together by music.

Mid song the lights went down for a split second and he l saw you behind the bar. Banging your head and smiling. God you were as beautiful as the day he first saw you. For a moment he was stunned. But Gareth got his attention back to the song and the spotlight blinded him again.

Eddie couldn't help the grin he had on. Two terrible months, almost three passed by without him seeing that gorgeous smile.

In the split of a second he knew he had to do a certain song. Just for you.

-

He was perfect. Eddie was as beautiful as ever. And man could he sing and play. It was so crazy that all this time, not once have you seen him like this. He really was amazing.

Another head banger started and you were totally enjoying every second of it. That was until someone asked for water.

You looked up and were surprised to see her.

" Chris- Chrissy? Umm h-hi. Erm yeah. L-let me uhhh." You stuttered.

You quickly grabbed her a glass of ice water and turned back around. Her big pretty eyes felt like daggers.

" Are you okay?" She asked.

You nervously chuckled and gave her the drink. " umm yeah. I ummm I was just surprised to see you here."

You shouldn't be here…It's not safe.

" Yeah. Eds told me not to come. But I wanted to see him…it's been so long since I've seen the guys."

" Well uhh if you need anything. Just holler."

You couldn't get away from her fast enough. Now worried that you wouldn't get your chance to talk to Eddie alone.

-

As soon as the song was over Eddie immediately gave the guys a heads up on a song change. Gareth shook his head and told him not to.

"Please man. I'm begging you. I need to do this. She loves that song."

Gareth shook his head and flexed his jaw. " Alright! But if she gets hurt. I'm gonna kick your ass."

" Deal!"

Eddie then went back to the mic and smiled.

" I hope everyone is having a good time tonight!"

The crowd whooped.

" Hell yeah! So for this next one we're gonna slow things down a bit."

He counted off and Jeff played the opening to November Rain.

A few moments later Eddie began singing.

🎵

"When I look into your eyes

I can see a love restrained

But darlin' when I hold you

Don't you know I feel the same?

Nothin' lasts forever

And we both know hearts can change

And it's hard to hold a candle

In the cold November rain"

🎵

The lights lowered a little and Eddie scanned the bar for you. Not taking notice that Chrissy was there.

When his eyes locked with yours nothing was better than that moment. You were smiling and swaying. Singing along with him.

🎵

"If we could take the time to lay it on the line

I could rest my head just knowin' that you were mine

All mine

So if you want to love me then darlin' don't refrain

Or I'll just end up walkin' in the cold November rain"

🎵

The memory of one summer day flashed before both of your eyes.

-

You, Eddie and Natalie were grocery shopping. Eddie was following you, pushing the cart. Sneaking handfuls of Honeycomb cereal. Secretly giving some to Natalie.

You had walked away for a second to grab some fruit snacks when he gave Natalie a mouthful.

They were both giggling away until he heard you clear your throat.

He and Natalie both covered their mouths.

You came up to them and crossed your arms. "You both are in big BIG trouble."

There was a second there where Eddie honestly thought he upset you. Then you smiled and held out your hand

" I want some too."

He grinned and instead of handing you some he fed you and Natalie all throughout the store.

Once the groceries were in the trunk ,you tossed Eddie the keys. He had just started driving you home when you gasped a little.

" Dude! This song is never on the radio."

He looked over and saw you turn the volume up. And to his surprise you and Natalie started humming to the song. You had looked over the seat to Natalie and pointed at her.

That's when he heard her soft little voice sing.

" In the cold November Rain."

Eddie looked at you and you had this big beautiful smile mouthing the words with her.

His heart melted seeing and hearing that. Natalie didn't know all the words but it was the most precious thing he had ever heard.

" God I love this song." You said.

" It's a really good one." He agreed.

He then reached over and put a hand on your thigh. Giving it a little squeeze before returning his hand to the wheel.

-

The song continued and you were happy. For a moment you truly were. However, that moment was taken by Chrissy. Who ran out the bar. Without really thinking you chased after her.

" Chrissy? Hey Chrissy. Are you alright?"

She turned around and was balling. " No! I'm not okay! Okay?"

" What is it? Did someone hurt you? Is it the baby?"

She hung her head and hugged herself. " N-no. I… I just want to go home."

" Okay. Do you think you can drive?" You asked.

She shook her head. " I came by bus. My-my car's in the shop."

You should have called her a cab. But the thought of her alone with a stranger scared you. So you drove her.

When you parked in front of the apartment building you sat quietly. Chrissy was sniffling and wiping her eyes.

" I'm-I'm sorry y/n."

" There's nothing to be sorry about. I get it. The hormones are going haywire."

She laughed a little then shook her head. " It's not just that…I'm really sorry about Eddie."

You sucked in a sharp breath. Why on earth would she be sorry?

" Chrissy I-...Eddie was always yours. You just let me borrow him. For a bit. " You hung your head after that. For a little while there, you thought he was yours.

" That's not true. Well maybe it was two years ago. But it hasn't been since he met you. Maybe even before."

You looked at her a bit surprised by that.

" I know I haven't been the best girlfriend to him…actually the worst."

You cleared your throat. " It's none of my business Chris-"

She started crying again. "Yes it is! I knew you were important to him…but tonight I saw how much…you know, he's never looked at me the way he looked at you tonight."

"I'm- sorry."

She softly chuckled. " I know you are. But the thing is…I don't care that he did. I- all I care about is how Jason looks at me…"

Then why did you bring it up if you didn't care?

Chrissy let out a long sigh. " I…I've been in love with Jason for a really long time. And to be honest I only went out with Ed's to make him jealous. But then Eddie really had a way about him…He was easy to talk to. And God he was funny…but no matter how I felt about Ed's, I felt even more for Jason."

Okay this really is none of my business.

You stood quiet and listened to how she had stopped seeing other people. She wanted to be in a committed relationship with Jason but she wanted Eddie to have someone to lean on.

"I…I screwed up…I-I-I broke so many rules with Jason. But the worst one…"

Oh fuck! Don't say it.

" I don't know who the baby's father is…"

All of a sudden you felt like crying too. You felt so bad for her. It was already a lot being pregnant. But to have the weight of not knowing who the father was must have been terrible.

You didn't know what to say so you hugged her while she sobbed.

After a few minutes she let you go.

" I really don't know what to say other than I'm sorry."

She nodded. " Now I know why Ed's loves you."

You guys were quiet again. She really had a way about making you feel awkward.

" Chrissy…Honey you have to tell Eddie."

She sniffled and nodded. " I kn-know. I'm just scared."

You reached for her hand and gently squeezed it. " Eddie's a good guy. You don't have to be scared of him. He will appreciate the truth…and if the baby is his, he will be a great dad."

She smiled. " I know he will be…I'm just afraid to admit what I really want."

You thought for a second. " Whatever it is, I'm sure Eddie will understand."

Before she walked away from the car you called after her.

" Chrissy, if you ever need anything. Just call me."

She gave you a small smile and wave before heading in.

…

Eddie was sitting on the porch when you came home. He stood up and watched you come up the walkway.

" And here I am half expecting you to be here with a radio above your head."

He looked to the side and grinned. " If you want, I can do that."

" Nah. I had enough cliches for one night."

He looked back at you and you looked a little sad. "What's wrong sweetheart?"

You took a deep breath and went to sit down, with him following.

" The band did really great tonight. I especially loved the cover of November Rain." You said shoulder bumping him.

He brushed your hair over your shoulder. " It reminded me of a really great day."

You turned your head towards him. " It was a great day wasn't it? You know I always had trouble telling the difference between Steven Tyler and Axel Rose's voice into you pointing out that Axel's voice was more-"

" Whinny." You both said together. Laughing lightly after.

He smiled and nodded. But then you looked away and his smile faded.

" Chrissy was there tonight…she was uhhh…upset."

His brows pinched together. " Is she okay? Are you okay?"

" Y-yeah. She's fine. Just stressed out…I…I think you should go home. She needs you."

He wanted to say he didn't care. He wanted to say that one of her boyfriends could be there for her. But he knew that was shitty.

" I will. But first I wanted to ask. Why did you come tonight?"

You smiled a little then stared off. " I-I missed you Eddie. I know I shouldn't, but I do. There's so much I want to say but I can't. There are things going on that you need to know."

He reached for your chin and made you look at him. " What happened? What did Chrissy say to you?"

You sighed and closed your eyes. While pulling his hand away you hung your head.

" It's…I…it's me…I'm late."

" Late for what?"

You looked up to see if he was serious…He was. He had no clue what you were talking about.

You kept silent, hoping you wouldn't have to say it again. But when he took too long you scoffed a little.

" C'mon curls. Get there faster."

You stared at each other a little while longer when you saw it click.

There it is.

At first he thought how? Then all he could think of was how excited he was.

" W-what?! R-really?! Oh man. I- fuck!" He said while pulling you into a big hug. Tears of happiness filled his eyes. "Baby I-I-I can't believe it. Do you know how happy I am?"

He leaned back a little and kissed you.

" Mmmmm. So. Mmmmm. Happy."

A part of you was glad that he was, but the other part was confused by it.

" E-eddie. Wait. Stop for a second."

He leaned back again. " I'm sorry. It's just…you're gonna have my baby."

He went for another kiss but you moved and put a hand on his chest.

" Eddie no. Please just take a second to think about this."

He pulled away and felt like he got punched in the gut. Chrissy.

You gave him a thin lip. " Yeah. Chrissy."

He shook his head and his tears of happiness were now ones of sadness and regret.

" We promised each other that we would always be honest with one another. And this is me keeping to that promise...I don't really know what happened. The first month I didn't think too much about not having a period. It happens sometimes. But then when I didn't get it again. I..well I took a test...it was positive. I confirmed it with my doctor three days ago. Turns out I got pregnant around Christmas...Eddie as much as I miss you and how much I want a family with you. I can't ask-"

"Baby you don't have to ask me for anything. I would give you anything and everything. I love you and-"

You stood up and walked to the door. " You need to go home."

He jumped up. " No! Don't walk away from me again."

" Eddie just listen…There's something Chrissy needs to tell you. And you need to hear it. Tonight."

" I want to be with you y/n."

You went to him and gave him a hug. " I know. But right now, I need you to go home."

With that said you gave him a kiss on the cheek and went inside.

…

Eddie drove and drove. After the conversation with Chrissy, he felt completely lost. Hours later and two states away he pulled up to a place he thought he would never be at again. But something about seeing it gave him a little bit of comfort.

Once inside, he took a deep breath and headed for a stool. He sat down and picked up the receiver that was hanging off the wall.

" Eddie?"

He sighed and scratched the back of his neck. " Hey Dad."

...

@marsmunson86 @browneyes528 @erinsingalong @salenorona23 @emsgoodthinkin @eddie-is-a-god @manda-panda-monium

[kicharges]

You don’t need to be very active so long as writing is still something you enjoy. You’re allowed to take your time and only come on when you have the time or energy. Even if it takes a while, we’ll still be here.

So…it turns out I was going through a really bad stint of depression and I’ve since had time to reflect. Within that time frame, I’ve had time to gather my thoughts and emotions. First of all, I’d like to start by saying that I’d like to stay and continue writing. Secondly, each and every one of you mean a lot to me and if I had decided to up and leave, I’d also be leaving many great and wonderful memories and friendships behind.

I don’t wanna do that. I’ve done that before too many times before and I end up regretting it each time I have, and I’d rather not feel that regret again.

Life for me lately has been…a struggle, as some of you may already know. And this is the most open I’ve been with people on the internet since the creation of this page, and I usually tend not to be, but consider this an exception. As I’ve said before, some of you may know, I’ve been struggling with finding a job for over half a year and as of writing this post, that still hasn’t changed.

Up until now, my life’s been very difficult. I’m basically an unemployed chunk sitting behind a computer screen who doesn’t get out much, doesn’t talk to people to the point of near crippling social anxiety, as well as having a really bad gaming addiction. And my life’s been on pause since I walked out on my last job, but I had my reasons for doing so.

Which I don’t wanna get into because talking about it in depth only stirs up very unpleasant emotions.

However, writing is the one small beacon of happiness I can hold onto and know that the people I’m writing with are real, although if not very far away in some distant land. (I’m Canadian myself) But despite the distance. I’ve grown really close with some of you and hold you near and dear to my heart. And through the strife and stress, I’ve admitted for for once in my life that I need to start seeing a therapist.

Seeing as how, I can’t seem to talk to my family about it without being told: “all you need to do is pray” or, “you’ll live/your life’s so hard.” And they wonder why I don’t talk to them when I’ve tried opening up to my brothers to and dad about things, resulting in my being lectured of chastised for feeling so weak. Anyways, what I’m trying to get at is: I don’t wanna be this way anymore.

I’ve basically been bed rotting for the last half year or so, stuck inside with no job, even though I’ve been applying up and down…the anxiety that my last employer has been bad mouthing me has been sadly confirmed to be true. All because I’d told them how short-comed I felt by them with them failing to let me know what I was making a blunder. Small, harmless blunders, but nonetheless, they’re still very much sore about what happened.

(There was no yelling or cursing) Yet, I feel as though once again I’m made out to be the bad guy for standing my ground against an injustice that was being done against me. And unfortunately I feel because I had had their name on my resume before I decided to take it off, that I actively screwed myself over in finding anyone who will now hire me because of this. I’ve since taken them off my resume but the anxiety that the damage to my reputation has already been done, haunts me relentlessly.



I still persist in handing out papers towards anyone hiring, but it’s been since November 11th of last year and pretty soon, it’ll be November in 3 months and I sincerely hope by then that I’ve managed to land a position. Anywho, despite all the bullshit and mental issues I’ve been encountering, I don’t want to leave because of some stupid insecurity I have about my writing or my performance as one.

I apologize to anyone I might’ve scared by saying I was thinking of leaving, it was during the heat of the moment and I refuse to let my depression get the better of me. Pushing people away isn’t something I wanna do just because I feel like I’m a piece of shit or because I feel like I somehow deserve all the bad things that happen to me. Thank you for reaching out and to anyone else who reached out when you did.

I don’t think I can humanly express the gratitude I have for each and every one of you.

[creativenicocorner]

2023 Writing Retrospective

That time of, hehe, New Year again folks, to contemplate over the rollercoaster event that was my writing journey of 2023!

I'm surprised by how much I did end up writing more than anything! And how some projects bloomed larger than I would have previously imagined. I'd like to think I've improved as well, which is inevitable made by practicing of course. I'm happier with how I write, despite knowing it isn't perfect (then again nothing is lol)

Trying the NaNoWriMo for the first time really changed things up in my approach I think, I'd like to try giving myself more of a disciplined approach to writing a little every day, even if it's one word...but I also realized just how tired I felt after November...so a soft middle ground will probably have to be found. I might try to use the website for other projects and set the deadline for far longer than just a month...we'll see!

I am happy that I'm not as disappointed with my own writing as I was with it last year...perhaps that too is a part of my growth as a writer. Could I have written more? Sure, but I've been far more wary of pushing myself and getting burned out last year. I need to remember to pace myself, to be kind, and that sometimes writing is just loafing about and doing other things and projects - and then the next thing you know WHAM 200 words pop in your head!

Anyways let's look at those cold hard numbers!!

2023 Total number of..

User Subscriptions: 17 Kudos: 341 Comment Threads: 61 Bookmarks: 81 Subscriptions: 70 Word Count: 107,804 Hits: 5,054

Top five hits/fics of 2023:

Glow Worms or rather: In the Depths of the Safflower Hills

Cold Green Tea and Colder Feet

Refrigerator Problem

Hand Rolled

Chapped Lips

2024 Goals

Honestly? To keep trying to make each new chapter / fic seem a little better than the last. Keep the progress going, while still remembering to be patient with myself (I'm not very patient with myself ^^;; )

I know I mention this often, but I'd like to attempt writing a multi-chaptered fic in its entirety before posting chapters...just once! Just to see what it is like. We'll see, we'll see... I'm not like in a hurry haha

I'd like to try and finish some of my Discworld Multi-chaptered fics...perhaps I'll use one of them in this theory, just to test it out. I'd love to get a new The Runaway's Gamble chapter out (or finish the fic this year, but I'm being soft with my goals this year) as well as get another Trial Runs and Errors chapter out (perhaps even finish the fic to start working on the next one in the Maurice and Lipwig series of shenanigans and adventures)

We'll see where my attention and heart takes me, cause it'd also be nice to get Glow Worms and Refrigerator Problem done

And yet I have so many other projects I'd like to jump into, like a Serizawa-centric serirei fic, or to finish Chapped Lips

I mean I know there's no rule in having to finish something before starting something else...technically I AM kind of working on them despite not posting anything...perhaps this is a way I could give that "finish the whole fic before posting it" a shot, or at least an attempt haha

I hope my quality continues to improve - but most of all I hope things become a little better.

If 2023 has taught me one thing, it's: let myself be surprised. And you know? I'd like to keep that energy moving forward into 2024

Thank you for reading this far!

I hope 2024 is kinder to us all than the last year, and we all grow and getting a little closer to our goals and dreams and happiness. Who knows where we'll be this time next year, hopefully it'll be a little better than today.

Anywho, stay awesome out there - don't forget to be kind to yourself and others.

And be safe

Best wishes!

[stracciatelle]

HELLOOO TUMBLR it has been a while!!

I don't know if I'm going to become active here again since I suck at keeping up all of my social media but this is the only place I ever post my BTD art so uh,, here's a quick Ren study <33

Been a while since I drew my favorite fox man!!

And because I like to brag, here it is compared to my previous Ren portraits

From January 2021, May 2022 and today, November 2022 respectively :D I'm very happy with the improvement I'm ngl

Anywho I intend to do more BTD art soon so be on the lookout for that!! :P probably gonna yassify Lawrence next

Character belongs to @gatobob !!

[roxannarambles]

Thank you for the praise, Roxy. I'm extremely happy that you enjoyed my ideas / headcanons! Say, do you have any headcanons about Nemona & her Spectrier that you would like to share? I would adore to read through them if you have any. Have a nice November!

Well, I think that she would love to race with her horse. I always figured Nemona would enjoy zipping around on a Cyclizar in the very least (we finally got to see that in the Julinemo music video, it was so good). As fast as Cyclizar is, though, its buffed-up ancient/future versions are still faster, so eventually, racing against Juliana on Cyclizar wouldn't be a very even race, once her Raidon regains its full strength. And Nemona certainly wouldn't want Juliana holding back.

But if Nemona had the Swift Horse? That's another matter. Their speeds are around the same, it would be a pretty fantastic thing to watch. I think Nemona would love the adrenaline, and so would Spectrier.

It would also be fun to see her first befriending it. When I was a little girl, whenever I visited my aunt I was super excited because she had a lot of property and horses and she let me take care of them and ride them. But she wasn't always the best aunt, one day she stuck me on a horse that was NOT good for a beginner rider/tiny child. This was a big solid black horse that was known for being cranky, but for some reason she did it anyway and then went off to do some horse-related chores nearby. As expected this horse got sick of me fast and broke into a gallop. My aunt hadn't taught me how to deal with that, and then the horse just bucked me right off. Hurt like hell, luckily I didn't get seriously injured though, just a bruised tailbone. (I COULD HAVE THOUGH. I wasn't wearing any gear either or anything)

I didn't ride after that, I shied away from it, it's a real shame though. I think if my aunt was a better teacher (and a more attentive guardian!) I would have probably kept riding and maybe grown up a horse girl!

Anywho, personally it would be fun for me to see Nemona dealing with a very ornery black horse, maybe getting bucked off multiple times but eventually winning it over with a lot of love and determination, I think it would heal something in my heart 😂

[arknights-imagines]

Lumen…our best boi is here ;-; also could I give him a kiss?

Ahsjgs anon, hiya 💕!!

Yes aaa!! The 'Stultifera Navis' event actually just released a few days ago on November 3rd 🥳, and with it came Lumen (who I know has been v long-awaited by many svzhgs 👉👈)!! Along with lots of other new content~

I'm quite hyped that he's finally arrived to the EN server as well 🥳💕!!! I like his design lots as it's super unique, and I've been v interested in his character and skillset also, so I'm glad to be able to learn more about him now 🤔!

(I also noticed that he has an accent on some of his EN voicelines which I like v v much aaa 🥳😯!!! Considering he grew up in Iberia it suits him super perfectly ✨! I hope more Operators will have accents on their EN voices in the future!!)

And of course xvxhgsg, now that he's come to the EN server I'll have the opportunity to write for him 🥳🥰!!! For anyone of you guys who may have been saving any Lumen requests, please feel free to send them in now that he's here 💕~

(I plan to finish reading the entire event story as well as all of his Operator Files before writing for him, however I save every request I get so dw, and I simply ask for the patience of all the Lumen fans svzhs 🥺👉👈...!)

Lumen kindly asks that you remember to complete the 'Stultifera Navis' event stages in order to claim him svshsh, he hopes he can join all of you guys and be of help 💞!!

As for that kiss anon svshsh 🥺!!!

If it's a little too sudden, he definitely might get a little surprised and flustered lolol 👉👈 however you can most certainly give him a kiss 🥰!!! Just perhaps give it to him a little slowly, Lumen is rather nervous often, so please bear with him lololsbsjs 🥺

And, if you'd be comfortable with it and have some patience with him, I'm certain he'd wish to give you a kiss in return 🥰~

Anywho, tysm for your ask anon 💕! I hope you'll stick around, please have a great day 🌸!!

And I send a happy congratulations to all the Lumen fans, on the guppy boy coming to Rhodes Island at last 🥳🐠!!!!

[taylersketches]

hello my sweet tee! happy November! unfortunately, I didn't go to any pumpkin patches last month, so I have no pictures to share with you :(. but I am sending you pumpkin muffins and cinnamon rolls in spirit to make up for it.

hope you're doing well and that this month brings you lots of joy and peace. ♥️

Nikki! Hello darling :3 I actually made some cinnamon rolls for Halloween and going to attempt again this week! (See picture below: although ignore how they look lol)

I've been well! I've been drawing, and went to watch Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes tonight. I'm so conflicted because the actor who plays as Snow is gorgeous, but that character is vile (I apologize for going off topic about THG, but it might happen again). I also fell into The 100 fandom for Bellamy Blake between art projects and quickly fell out of the fandom because of Bellamy Blake in the span of 2 weeks lol. Oh, I finally fixed my unhinged sleep schedule and feel more productive during the day, so WIN! Umum, what else?? Oh I put up my Christmas tree because I am that person that immediately puts up decor on November 1st, and I paid off my car.

Anywho, I hope you're doing well friend, and taking care of yourself! It stinks that you couldn't go to a pumpkin patch this year, but maybe you'll get to visit a Christmas Market if they have them where you live 💕

Edit: I forgot to attach the photo 🤦🏽‍♀️

[asknightmareanderror]

I posted 219 times in 2022

186 posts created (85%)

33 posts reblogged (15%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@saltyscoby

@falysyu

@iinkxerror

@thunfire0605

@shinechermont

I tagged 191 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#asknightmareanderror - 186 posts

#nightmare sans - 178 posts

#error sans - 177 posts

#asks - 177 posts

#armageddon - 177 posts

#last judgement - 174 posts

#ship children - 42 posts

#ship kids - 41 posts

#blotch - 36 posts

#harp - 36 posts

Longest Tag: 70 characters

#i'm actuallly not sure if antiviruses can do anything to errors or not

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Night and Dream are boomers

Yes. Very much.

N - "...you do not need to remind me, I have my destroyers for that."

E - "Every day...we tell him."

K - "'You're ancient'."

H - "'Old man'."

Dust - "'When you gonna snuff it?'"

C - "'Do you need help getting up? You might break your spine'."

N - "...oh, the audacity..."

E - "Pretty sure Dream's still tryna figure out computers and phones...at least Night's got that down."

D - "I can use a computer and phone, thanks."

E - "Uh huuuh...sure, you can."

Dust - "The benefits of spying on the enemy..."

K - "You learn everything."

D - "...can I leave?"

No.

This is Purgatory.

You're welcome.

23 notes - Posted June 19, 2022

#4

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween, I hope you have a great, spooky day/night! Even if you’re staying inside like me :>

I was going to write a short story about how Nightmare ended up in a jumper too big for him, and how he doesn’t like Halloween, but stuff happened last night and I can’t do so right now. ;3;

So, there might be a story, there might not be, I hope you enjoy this drawing anyhow, there should be another coming on November 5th, for Holo and Gen’s birthday. Love y’all <3

(Please, don’t steal/repost, copy or trace it, or anyone else’s art,   for that matter. Reblogs are always greatly appreciated! <3)

57 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#3

Wistful Bliss (Armageddon)

Y’all ever just want to build a pillow fort and just chill?

I need more pillows...

(Please, don’t steal/repost, copy or trace it, or anyone else’s art,   for that matter. Reblogs are always greatly appreciated! <3)    

92 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

#2

Sit With Me (Armageddon)

First time trying rain, and I think it looks okay (but I’ll try a different method next time).

Anywho, have these two, relaxing on a bench, because why not?

(Please, don’t steal/repost, copy or trace it, or anyone else’s art,  for that matter. Reblogs are always greatly appreciated! <3)

104 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I’m Back, Baby

Guess who’s baaack? With a new computer and drawing tablet >:3

Fully upgraded, I am. Have this drawing as a big thanks for your patience, you deserve it, you lovely hoomans! <333

(Please, don’t steal/repost, copy or trace it, or anyone else’s art, for that matter. Reblogs are always greatly appreciated! <3)  

108 notes - Posted June 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[roy-kents]

He! You dated a tumblr mutual?? Do you feel comfortable telling any part of the story?

hey!! yeah i mean, i think it’s been long enough now!!

so girl one we’ll call jess!! me and jess became friends through writing kpop fanfic (NO ONE JUDGE ME OKAY.) she was from canada and we’d talk every single day on kik. we started dating in august 2016 and we dated for like ??? 3 months i think ??? anyways, i broke up with her because i felt like we were more friends than anything else. it was really amicable and we were both friends for a long time!! we still message occasionally just to check in on eachother - she’s been with her bf for three years now and seems really happy!!

girl two we’ll call sophie. now, me and sophie had a bit of an enemies to lovers slowburn djsjskks our history is long and complicated and i won’t get into it. anywho, we started dating july of 2017 and i broke up with her in november of 2017. she was…not the nicest to me. she was also canadian and quite a bit older than me and. yeah. that didn’t end well. and then she used to hop on anon and tell me to kay em ess so!

um, two quite different experiences there!!

[oh-my-front-door]

I posted 321 times in 2022

That's 321 more posts than 2021!

25 posts created (8%)

296 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@oh-my-front-door

@powerofelvis

@bisexualwvtson

@burninlovebutler

@troubleinapinksuit

I tagged 95 of my posts in 2022

#austin butler elvis - 19 posts

#austin butler - 15 posts

#elvis - 12 posts

#elvis movie 2022 - 8 posts

#elvis 2022 - 5 posts

#spotify wrapped - 5 posts

#elvis the pelvis - 4 posts

#help - 3 posts

#love the energy - 2 posts

#this is everything - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 81 characters

#i just call it 'pot' because that's what everyone screams at you when make a bet

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

hey hey hey

here's just a bit of what i'm working on:

'I fiddled with a pen while my head rested in my right hand, waiting for a customer to come through the door. I had eventually zoned out because, I almost fell off the stool i was using, when the door bell went off. Trying to steady both my body and my mildly racing heart, I check to see who may may have startled me like that. I became more startled seeing who exactly came in causing this slight commotion on my end. It was blue eyes. He looked just as last as the last time, if not more. His hair was mostly slicked back but one tiny little piece fighting to fall forward. Same beige slacks but this time... My lord- this time, He had a black lace button up with most of them undone. It left his bare chest beneath the shirt in almost full view. "Nothing for the imaginatioin, eh" i almost muttered aloud while trying to steady my heaving breath. "why'd you scare me like that? i just 'bout fell off my chair, thanks to you." He leaned over the counter on forearms. "Nothing like hello huh" he cracked a smile. I paused trying not to stare at his bare torso staring me back dead in the face. His smile grew a bit wider as he leaned over a bit more, enough that our noses barely touched. I let out a soft 'yes' which may have come off as a moan. "uh..." fumbling over his words, "c-can we talk?" I nodded still trying to avoid his deliciously tempting form. I peered over his shoulder to see who was available to cover the front. Luckily both Meilin and Christina (one of the trainees from the Philipines) were heading towards the desk with trays in tow.'

I haven't quite came up with a name yet. If anyone has some critics/suggestions please i would greatly appreciate it. This my first time writing fictioin since highschool and that was almost ten years ago! So mind you I am super rusty but, it's like riding a bike, right? It's a skill you never really lose.

Anywho, i really want to do moodboards, playlists and such. Does anyone know any user friendly programs for that?

Anyhow, I almost have enough for a chapter. just a bit more and Voila! also, i haven't decided on chapters or parts... Right now i'm just trying to make myself coherent.

4 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

#4

I'm stuck at home tomorrow prepping. I gotta get a colonoscopy done Monday. Can anyone recommend me some good reads? Or even blogs to spam. I'll tag my interests down below.

Bless you all in advance!

4 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

#3

Gobble Gobble

hello hello everyone! I hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far and to my American friends, "Happy turkey day". I might be going to Golden Corral on thursday with Mum. We're playing it by ear.

Universal has been a blast but, also highly overwhelming. My autistic ass hasn't stopped "processing" in three days and with my mum being disabled and using a scooter..... it's like tending to evil kinevil and a toddler all at the same time. I highly recommend having some good coping mechanisms when you want the best experience possible. Theme parks are fun but, triggering. wether we like it or not. There is so so so much to take in and the crowds. Like, I'm not overly great with crowds and when people touch me, i get the heeby geebies. Though it hasn't bothered me much because i'm distracted from the attractions.

Even so.....

I've enjoyed myself. I've gotten to fulfill some interests i've had for a while now. And One thing that has helped me alot; is to make lists. Wether it's mental or physical. It keeps me on track of what i do want and what i don't what out of this trip. Then, when my list is done... I've been considering what can be done each day. Also, my mum has been really quite accomadating with me. Even when she's sped up past me asking if she's going to fast. Meanwhile, i'm jogging beside like it's a marathon. I thought at point we were going to get kicked out the stores. She decided to zoom around the stores and took out a couple of displays. fun.

DON'T WHY I TOLD YOU ALL THIS BUT.....

I hoping to get some writing done. I can't focus with all the excitement. oh well... but..... It has given me some great ideas for scenarios with Austin. They're gonna be so cute! Can't wait to get home and jot them down!

I hope everyone has a good rest of the week! Stay happy, Healthy and safe!

4 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

#2

Watch "Fever - Elvis Presley, Michael Bublé & The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra" on YouTube

@jupiteraart you're welcome

8 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

All I want in life is for Austin Butler/Elvis to spank me and tell me what a dirty girl I've been. Is that too much to ask?

12 notes - Posted November 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Ha! I've put a new meaning on my own number 1 fan

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

2023 Blog Schedule

Heyyy bestiesss, Emile here, how are you guys? I hope your 2023 has started off better than mine — I’m currently recovering from COVID after testing positive on January 1st :/ It’s been an awful experience so far, please get vaccinated and get your boosters! I’ve had mine, and had most of my boosters but put off getting the most recent one, and now I’m suffering for it. I don’t want any of you having to experience what I am!

Moving on from that, I’ve decided that from here on out I’m going to have a yearly schedule for this blog! I want to post more content without putting tons of pressure on myself, so this year, I’m going to be focused on twelve major projects, one for each month! Keep in mind that I will also be posting some flash fiction for Dead by Daylight at the same time — that’s because I’m in a writing club for it and it’s only 200 words a week, which is pretty low stakes for me, and some of these projects will be centered on the long-term projects going on in that club (signified by an asterisk). Anywho, I want to get into the current list, with their summaries:

January — Jean Kierstein x Pregnant!Reader

posted on 31 Jan 2023 — Cashmere and Cradles

February — Margaret Yamaoka (DBD OC)*

posted on 27 Feb 2023 — My Name is Margaret

March — Porco Galliard x Reader (College AU)

who knew that the aftereffects of a night of drinking would turn out to be so much more than just a hangover?

April — DBD Killers*

ya’ll remember HISHE’s superhero cafe and villain pub? yea, well… here’s my take on it

May — Fezco x Elle (Euphoria OC)

Elle, a girl from way out of town, visits her college friend McKay’s hometown for a weekend.

June — Adiris x Carmina Mora*

happy pride, from two beautiful, cursed, tall ladies in the fog to you!

July — Aaron Davis x Reader (already in progress)

when young and educated y/n’s given the opportunity of a lifetime, she plans accordingly. her life is finally starting to be perfect, until suddenly, it’s not anymore. her friendly neighborhood bachelor, Aaron Davis, helps her pick up the pieces, as she unknowingly makes him see that there’s more to life than being a villain.

August — TBD*

this bi-monthly community challenge has yet to be set.

September — Twee (Bella Sara)

Twee is often treated differently by other horses in North of North, and eventually the foal strikes out on their own.

October — Jester!Ji-Woon Hak x Princess!Reader*

Ji-Woon mysteriously appears in y/n’s kingdom as the new court jester, but he’s come for more than just laughs.

November — Ekko x Anemone (Arcane OC)

A child twice-orphaned fighting to bring power to the people, and a child without her mother, being used as a pawn in her remaining family’s struggle for power. This is the story of what happens when flowers manage to bloom in unexpected places.

December — TBD*

this bi-monthly community challenge has yet to be set.

If any of these projects interest you, please let me know which and I’ll place you on a taglist for them when I post them! I’m intending to limit myself to just these, but if I feel inspired I’ll probably pump out some other works, especially during Spring cleaning since I have so many babies sitting in the drafts, haha. Oh! Also, some of these are multi-chapters, like the Aaron Davis x Reader, Ekko x Anemone and Jester!Ji-Woon x Princess!Reader :) Happy browsing and happy new year!

[yellourr]

WEDNESDAY NIGHT’S ALL THE RAGE ࿐ NANAMI KENTO

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ SYNOPSIS. an argument with your husband forces the two of you into life-changing situations for the night, allowing you both to realize what’s important before it’s too late. [ WORD COUNT: 13k ]

✧. ┊     CONTENTS. black fem!reader, semi-canon jjk plot, written in third person (she & her is italicized), use of explicit language, unsettling content ahead so beware, art creds: hugues merle - mary magdalene in the cave (edited)

✧. ┊     LISTENING TO. love drought by beyoncé

✧. ┊     BEHILS NOTE. ah, first time I’ve posted any writing in over a year lol. I'm happy that I stayed dedicated to finishing this because this was so close to going into the pile of fics I've brainstormed and started but never finished. originally, this was going to be a retelling of the shibuya incident but… the original idea felt too boring and played out. I also think that this version allowed me to explore how I wanted to write the reader, nanami, and their overall dynamic. anywho, enjoy and happy reading!… or not ;) [ likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated. ]

IT WASN’T HER INTENTION TO MARRY YOUNG. The idea of marrying in her twenties, and committing her entire life to one person whom she met when she was too immature to even know herself was frightening. There was so much to think about and even more to consider. The person she chose to marry needed to be everything she wanted all at once and that was too much pressure for one man to bear. 

In those minor instances, the concept of marriage to her just wasn’t enough- vows weren’t enough. Declarations of love were stale and overdone and anyone could disguise words with a promising tone. Even as she laid there- side pressed against the mattress, hand held to her chest while the other ghosted over her belly- her mind was stuck on that decision. There was no better time to contemplate it than today. The seventeenth of October, a Wednesday. Another day of ordinary activities besides the blaring weight she felt on her lower back. 

The room was cool, air conditioning combating the blaze of heat that washed over Tokyo.  She wasn’t excited to see the additions to the bill by the time November rolled around. Even when the heat prompted a third shower on the previous day, she snuggled closely to her sheet for comfort. No foreign legs were sliding across her heels, or arms wrapping around her waist. Not even a huff of air in her direction or the faintness of snoring. Just his blonde tuft of hair messily plopped on a pillow with his back facing the cushions of the couch, his face buried in them.

Nanami had come in the last few weeks like this. Exhausted, with barely any energy to spare. He’d greet her with a chaste kiss on the cheek as he stripped off his suit to shower. He’d be working after hours, unable to make it to bed by the time she wanted to rest. There were sleepless nights when she’d get up and brew some tea. She’d have it with a muffin from the bakery she got during lunch. The kettle would be left on and a mug with tea leaves in case he woke up. She’d find the untouched mug in the morning.

His hasty distance was strange but his punctuality was more concerning. He never stepped into their apartment later than seven o’clock, usually. But as of late, he was coming in a few minutes past seven. “Something just came up at work. It’s been pretty busy.” He’d tell her with a monotone voice- though it didn’t ease her mind one bit.  He still came in past seven, sometimes past seven-thirty without any further explanation other than busy days.

The behaviour was bothersome, consuming her mind as she showered, and even more as she settled into her clothes. A part of her fought with leaving a message about tonight’s events- but this was too important of a date for Nanami to overlook, not even with his character one-eighty. She found herself marking a post-it note, ‘Don’t forget about tonight, meet me over there @ 6:45.’

Surely there was a reason for his sudden change. It must have been quite the job, what with late-night calls from a Gojo Satoru that popped up on his phone while he showered. Which was as exasperating as the ones from an Ieiri Shoko. 

Jealousy wasn’t her thing. She was hopeful that the answers to her suspicions would ease later tonight, though she was nervous that maybe the truth wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Listening was a trait she learned to take just as seriously as talking. It didn’t even come close to the mounds of listening she had to do for her clients. After all, how else was she supposed to get paid if she didn’t?

“Shall we continue, Mr.?...” She twisted in her seat, attempting to alleviate some pain that pinged in her back. But also because the client today had an aura about him that was unsettling. He was a sight to see- dark attire consisting of a green and yellow robe, black hair that stretched just above his rear, and an unnerving smile. His legs crossed over each other while his hands lay in his lap.

“Getou, Getou Suguru.”

Her glasses hung on the tip of her nose, hairs framing her face as she stared harshly at the notepad atop her lap. For a moment, she looked up at the man, giving him a nervous smile. “When did you arrive in Tokyo?”

His smile widened, “It hasn’t been too long. This December will make it a year since I’ve moved into my new home. It almost feels cozy, though I don’t feel very welcomed.”

She nodded, “It takes a lot of time to get used to. Some find it easier to adjust more than others but that’s dependent on the person.” Her hand planted flatly on the notepad before pushing the glasses up, “If you don’t mind me asking Mr. Getou, where did you live previously?”

“Here, but I moved around after the death of my husband. I’m just struggling a bit with readjusting.”

“Why don’t you tell me about him?”

This time, he smiled fondly. His fingertips grazed over his lips as he spoke, “He was a wonderful man, full of joy. Very understanding, very loving, and very honest. He was always honest with me.”

Of course, this was the client she would get today. One enamored in the memories of his late husband when hers was nothing but distant. She knew that digging herself into a hole by opening her mouth was imminent, but it’s always been a part of the job to judge business that wasn’t her own. She was nothing if not curious, “He certainly does sound like a wonderful man… is he the reason you came back to Japan?”

“No, there’s an old friend I’m here to see. He’s been difficult to pin down.”

“Is he helping you with this adjustment?” She circled the ‘mystery man’ markings written down on the pad. In the last session, he brought him up briefly- only letting it slip that he was a teacher. She assumed this friend was the kind suited to helping him out with an issue as big as relocating.

“No. He will though, once we’ve seen each other.” 

That made her scribblings stop. He came to Japan unsure of whether or not his friend would welcome him. Much like her other clients, he was a creature for punishment. Another twinge of pain hit her, which made her straighten - the change in stature noticeable to the man in front.

“Is everything okay, Mrs. Y/N?” He spoke softly, concern etched into his voice, “You seem very uncomfortable.”

She shrugged, “I’m fine.” Setting the notepad down on the desk next to her along with her glasses as she gave her undivided attention, “About your friend- what if he doesn’t want to see you? What are you going to do then?”

This gained another smile, one that was followed by a chuckle, hearty and deep within her ear. “He hasn’t changed much. Sure there is more for him to lose but he’s still the same man I’ve known him to be.”

Before she could even think to respond, the clock had struck- eleven forty-five. The ending of today’s session.

“Well,” He started, dusting off his kimono as he stood from his place on the couch, “ I’m sure that that’s more than enough material for you to devise a plan of action for me. I’m hoping that this isn’t our last session together- I would love to see you on the thirty-first.” was the last thing he said while he exited the room. If he wished to make another appointment- Kiyoko was the one to chat with. Hopefully, by the end of the month, she’d be gone.

Today’s session was a bit tough. But tough sessions usually came and went. She envisioned that it would be a handful to talk to clients outside of something that she hadn’t personally experienced. When she first moved here, it was because of a position to provide recently moved-in foreigners with some assistance. 

The money was decent enough to pay for rent and groceries but the work was always a reminder of why the job was so daunting. If there was a wall between her clients and her, the wall was a mirror that resembled her frame. The wall reflected her insecurities and pain like light bouncing off water. At times, she even heard the implications of her voice spewing words of sadness, remorse, and regret. Speaking on parental issues and fears of change, the sessions at times were too grave to continue. She had been so eager to prove worth in her decisions that she hadn’t considered the mind state she needed to be in to help her clients.

Even now, what could be said to Getou Suguru that would ease his mind from his husband’s passing when her own would barely even look at her?

Not that there was much to look at now as she stared at the bottle of Marques De Riscal. A quarter of the bottle down and it was only six fifty-eight. Her eyes began to wander around the room, a sea of people accompanied by their partners as they sipped wine and laughed, making the area around her feel lonely.

“May I take your order?” 

“Oh not yet, I’m waiting for my husband- he should be here soon. But thank you!”

Time had passed since then and half a bottle was consumed. She could feel glares move towards her every few seconds, whispers grew, weaving their way into her head. The atmosphere seemed stifling, squeezing around her windpipe as her finger twirled around the rim of the wine glass. Interestingly enough, she found herself reminiscing about her mother. Imagining her in the brown leather couch she begged her father to purchase just a few days after they moved during her senior year. 

She’d sit there with her legs crossed and a ball of red string and needles with her glasses touching the tips of her nose. Paired with gasps in between breaths to spew her I told you so. Her condescending words on how right she was about the course her daughter’s life would take. How much her mother wished she were more like her sister. The last time she had seen her was the last time she made the effort to care. She supposed Tessanne getting into medical school was enough to not look at the failure of her eldest daughter. 

How easy was it to forget about her? Nanami had never been late, not when it came to events or special occasions. Not for something as tortuous as work. He might have been held up there, or some idiot on the road was driving too fast on the highway and built up traffic. She stared at her phone hesitantly. Seven fifty-one and only a simple message pinged on the screen to ease her mind. ‘Running a little late- don’t know when I’ll be there but if you’re hungry, order something.’ Maybe he had other things on his mind- other people on his mind. 

Or maybe, he just didn’t care.

Her phone rang with anticipation as she called. Nanami’s lateness might be prompted by work, but surely the company could let him go for the evening. 

“Hello, this is the Japanese Exchange Group- this is Jin speaking.”

“Hi, can I please get on the phone with Nanami Kento? He’s one of your employees.” She said lowly into the mic. It was weird enough to be in here for over an hour waiting. It felt even worse to have to blast spouts of anger through the phone while everyone around her carried on with their conversations.

“Give me one moment, ma’am.” He said faster than she could respond, leaving her with complete silence on the other line. 

He came back with a low grunt, “The person you’ve requested to speak to is no longer with us.” 

“That’s impossible… he’s been working there since 2015.”

“Actually, he hasn’t worked at this establishment since December tenth.” She felt her fingers tremble. Busy days…? How busy could the days of an unemployed man be?

That was one certain thing- Nanami Kento wasn’t a truthful man. Even though he prided himself on being a person who ruled with morality. With compassion for those who couldn’t provide it for others, or even for themselves. It was, after all, his duty to take care of things that other people wouldn’t dream were possible. 

“I’m gonna be so late to this dinner,” He murmurs to himself as the needle pierces through his lower abdomen. The blood compiled around his side as he laid steadily on the table. The clock above the door read seven-ten. Twenty-five minutes late but he knew he wouldn’t make it to the restaurant until minutes to eight. If the universe was trying to tell him something, it was that he might leave the night a single man. 

“I never told you to go and get yourself hurt, oh great salaryman.” Nanami could hear a hint of laughter in his voice. He let out a deep sigh like a petulant child. Of all the people he could have been stuck with for the moment, Gojo was not the one he wanted to be around. He stood there slanted at the door frame as he watched.

“Please shut up.”

He gasps, hands shooting up to cover his mouth, “you talk to your wife with that mouth?” The comment made him turn up in frustration. Which only prompted a swat from Shoko as she sutured the stitch through his skin.

Nanami also wasn’t the best liar either. But honesty had begun to run low on his scale of importance. And though he would like to assume that it didn’t affect him, it was her who suffered through his dishonesty the most. He could feel the way it changed the tone of the apartment. The both of them maneuvered around each other, never getting in the other’s way. Almost like roommates rather than husband and wife.

“Well look at that, looks like she’s all done.” Gojo called out as Shoko wrapped gauze around his wound.

“Change the gauze every few hours. If it’s still bleeding, you know where to come back to.” She handed him a bottle of ibuprofen.

“Thank you.” She gave him a thumbs up before she rolled her chair over to the nearby drawer, pulling out a stick from a Seven Stars pack. Shoko’s eyes averted from Nanami to above the doorway as she blew smoke through her nose, “It’s already late. Tell Itadori we shall discuss today’s mission tomorrow morning.”

Neither of them could respond as he stepped out of the room- leaving the both of them to look at each other. The heaviness of the room lightened a bit.

What was he to do with his feelings of despair? Ones that disguised themself as love? A part of him regretted it. A chill swiped down his spine the moment he heard the word yes from her lips. What had he gotten himself into? To be the man that he vowed to be on their wedding day just one year prior. And through all of these years of knowing each other- she never knew the truth. Not of what he used to do before he became a salaryman, or of what he does now.

But how could he ever regret her? The radiant curl of her lips showcasing her teeth. The passion in her voice when she’d tell him about whatever new food, or drink she was eager to try. The sound of her voice- stern and informative… but when it turned to laughter- it nearly made his heart constrict. How long had it been since he heard the serene sounds of laughter that vibrated throughout her chest? Or since he felt the heat of her fingertips dance along his skin? 

It felt so selfish to put her through this. He knew that from the moment he asked her to marry him- putting her through the pain of losing the man she loved. But allowing her to walk out of his life would’ve destroyed him. He could handle it, he would tell himself, he could handle the curses that got in his way if it meant he’d make it home to her every night. He swore he wouldn’t allow himself to be taken- especially not on his wedding anniversary.

He only hoped that along with his thorough explanation and an apology- that he’d be able to rekindle their relationship to where it was supposed to be, maybe even better than before. It was all he could think about on the drive home, where he smelt the familiar scent of vanilla and jasmine. Her clothes scattered across the bed as he searched for his suit, which dawned a deep blue that she thought complemented his hair colour so well.

Flowers that bloomed reds and pinks were encompassed in his forearms as he closed the car door. The sky was starting to darken but he could see the plethora of lights that spread across the windows of the restaurant. The sight was as beautiful as he imagined.

He stormed through the door to catch the receptionist, nearly exasperated,  “I have a reservation under Nanami for 7:00 pm. My wife should be waiting at our table.”

The receptionist stared amusingly at him. She eyeballed his sweat-ridden face which caused the hairs to stick to his forehead, his disheveled look, and the bouquet in his hand. She popped a bubble in her gum, not even bothering to check the paper in front of her, “The reservation has been closed.”

Nanami watched as her fingers played around with the pages of a magazine she had by the stand, right above the reservation paper. He sighed, brushing the hairs that covered his eyes slightly, “Look, I understand that I’m late. But the spot is supposed to be open for three hours. It’s only four minutes past eight-thirty.”

“And I am telling you, once the spot is empty the reservation is closed.” She said once again, pointing at the empty table at the far right. One that sat next to the vast wall of windows- giving the perfect view of a gorgeous body of water that remained at the back of the restaurant. Ridden with flowers of pink and white, with trees of equal colour. The same table that was being cleared of its glasses and a bottle of wine- one he could smell if he had been close enough. Marques De Riscal.

What an expensive bottle with such an earthy taste to it. Barely any hints of sweetness to cover up the blazing fire in her throat. She couldn’t understand how people drank so frequently- and to drink alcohol that tasted so damn boring. It had nothing on the hints of raspberry and lime with splashes of rum. One that had her chugging on her fourth daiquiri since she sat in the bar for not even a good fifty minutes.

The bar was quiet, nearly vacant. No one would be foolish enough to drink on a Wednesday night knowing the alarm would ring as early as seven. But then again, someone who wasn’t foolish didn’t have a partner who was late for their anniversary dinner. She sat, with her fingers dancing around the rim of the glass before huffing to herself. 

“Tough night, huh?” A raspy voice called from the side of her with slurred words and the prominent stench of vodka. Her eyes peered to two seats down to reveal a woman, with a glass at her fingertips, mouth ghosting over it. The woman’s skin was fair, possessing a button-like nose that raised at the base. She didn’t look any older than her, presuming the lady was in her early thirties as she dawned dark brown hair with strings of silver filling her hairline. The lady possessed equally dark eyes, at equal distance away from her nose, that watched her tentatively. “I mean it must be. Considering you’re sitting in a bar drinking on a weeknight.”

She hadn’t entertained the lady’s point, continuing to sip at her drink while her eyes became occupied with the large fish tank in the corner. Still, as she kept her distance, the woman moved closer- now only one seat separating the both of them. 

“I don’t mean to pry,” she started again, “but you’re sulking a bit. It’s kinda bringing down the mood.”

“I’m sure my ‘sulking’ wouldn’t bother you if you were a few seats away from me.”

“Feisty.” She chuckled, setting the glass on the counter and placing her hands up, they stayed on either side of her head, “My apologies, you just look like you need to vent about something.”

“I don’t.”

“You sure?”

“Very, so please.” She raised her hand to her face, trying to block the view. Another chuckle erupted from her chest, making her tap her fingers on the glass surface in anguish. Surely the lady was drunk or tipsy, the vodka practically stitching into her nostrils with each passing moment.

Another wave of silence washed over the space, before the lady pulled her hand back, reaching for her jacket pocket. Eyes finally moved towards her direction again as her fingers glided through the inner pocket of her woolen sweater pulling out a spout of cash, “Bartender, another vodka sprite for me and a raspberry daiquiri for the lady over here please.”

The man behind the counter nods, taking the money, “Can I also have a separate shot of tequila?” She told him as he nodded a second time and then moved to the other side of the table. Now she was left alone with the mysterious woman next to her. “What? You want my number or something?” 

Another laugh came from her, this one much heartier than the last one, “No, I just wanted to chat- I’m quite bored if you couldn’t tell.”

“And buying me a drink is the way to start.”

“I tried to appeal to you before the drink but you weren’t having it- you’re too,” she taps her temple with her middle finger, “preoccupied.”

This garnered a laugh from her. She didn’t find it humorous but after today, she’d laugh at anything.  “I’m Y/N. and yeah- it’s been a night.”

“I’m Kira.” She mumbled, holding a hand out to her. Her gaze was still fixated on Kira’s eyes as she took her hand.

“Haven’t seen you around here… you just moved or something?”

“I’ve lived here for quite some time, just… never came in here before.”

“So, what’s with the change of scenery? You get stood up or something?” Kira blurted out quickly, causing her eyes to widen as her lips parted. “You’ve got a pretty dress on, your hair’s done and there’s makeup on your face- people don’t dress like that to come to an empty bar with no one to talk to for almost an hour.”

Suddenly, the memories of Nanami and the night thus far flooded her mind. She came here to take her mind off him and here his actions were, loud and bright and plastered all over her body language. It was enough for even a drunk woman to see it. Through the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of the bartender. Dressed in full black, they moved swiftly to her and Kira with the dark pink drink in one hand. “A raspberry daiquiri, a vodka sprite, and a shot of tequila.”

“Thank you.” The both of them commented as the two new glasses rattled on the counter's surface. She quickly turned the miniature glass up her head, twitching a little as the cool liquid slid down her throat. She took a deep breath, contemplating the next moves carefully. She didn’t want to give a stranger a one-way ticket into her mind. It wasn’t her concern. So why did she feel this need to explain herself?

“I got married a year ago today, and my husband didn’t show up to our dinner reservation.”

“Ouch,” Kira remarked loudly, dragging out the sound of the word as she gulped her drink, “that’s shitty.”

She shook her head lightly, peering at her lap, “It wasn’t always like that.”

“Well clearly, he wasn’t always like that- or else you’d be somewhere else.”

She snickered, taking a sip of the daiquiri. Her sight moved to Kira’s full body. “He’s been working a lot and it’s taking up a lot of his attention. I don’t know, it just feels like I’ve become second best. To a job no less.” 

“Familiar with the whole second-best bullshit?”

By the time she finished her question, she already was down to half of her drink. When Kira remained still, she decided to continue, “My father loves my mother- supported her through everything, even when she was never right.” Her hand gripped the glass tightly as her mind began to navigate through the emotions that she swore died when she moved from the States. “She was the one who thought it was a terrible idea to become a therapist. Told me I wasted my education and her money on foolishness.”

Another gulp of her drink, “She preferred my sister.”

“Heh, let me guess, she’s studying to be a doctor or something?” Kira remarked, finally bringing the glass in for a sip.

She nodded, “Even my best friend- hadn’t talked to her in years before my wedding because of a falling out we had over her boyfriend. And yes, they’re still together.”

Kira nodded her head slowly, “So, what exactly does this have to do with your husband?”

“Nothing much I guess, I’m just worried about him. Where he is, where he’s been.”

“Worried?... Sounds like you think he might have someone else.” Kira retorted.

She felt like her throat clogged up on the spot. Is he seeing someone else? It wasn’t a foreign concept- it was something she pondered. But it wasn’t possible- not for a man like him. “I don’t know- he’s been distant these past few weeks- more so than usual. Maybe the problem is me.”

Kira’s eyes watched her attentively as if to examine every behaviour she exhibited without having known her ten minutes ago. Kira sighed, eyes dazzling with familiarity, one that she had only ever seen in the office with a client sitting on the sofa. “I doubt it- people don’t change overnight. I mean look at you, years away from your family and you’re still flooded with insecurity.”

“Thanks.” she scoffed harshly, “That makes me feel great.”

“Well, it’s true. Your husband is keeping something from you- probably was waiting for tonight to tell you. That’s why he was late. You’ll probably walk into the house and catch a glimpse of the young woman on his arm.” Kira’s tone began to mutate. The once playful sway that prompted her to open up about the thoughts beating against her skull now prompted a drawback and was open to unwarranted criticism.

“It’s what cheaters do-” She continued, turning the glass completely up her head, “they don’t care about hurting you because they don’t even care about themselves. And they probably hate you for putting up with them.”

Kira turned to her, much to her dismay as the atmosphere of the bar weighed dense with agitation. From Kira’s perspective, the heat that radiated off her body was present. “That’s not Kento. He would never.”

“Really?” She responded with laughter. “And that’s why you’re in a bar drinking away on your anniversary while he’s somewhere you don’t even know?”

Her hands tapped a little faster. Her body resembled a child, sitting and taking a lecture, remaining quiet. Wishing she could rewind before the start of this conversation with her. The lady with dark eyes and a drag in her words. Her hand planted flatly on the table, lifting her off the chair to lace fingers into the silkiness of her jacket, “Thank you for the drink, but I think it’s time for me to go.”

Kira’s eyes remained fixated on the glass in front of her, never daring to look back. It wasn’t until she turned her heel to leave that she spoke in an undertone, “Word of advice, sweetheart- leave. Don’t give him the satisfaction of watching you destroy yourself to keep him.”

All that mused Kira’s thoughts as she stormed out the doors of the bar was how she knew this wouldn’t be the last encounter. Because she wasn’t going to leave. How could she when things weren’t certain? Feelings of doubt like this were only reserved for new couples- not ones who were three years into their commitment.

Not when her mind was so fresh with the first meeting.

━━━━━━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━━━━━━

MAY 2015

The air felt warm- the warmest it had been in months as spring made way for new bloomings. There was a faintness of sunlight, the clouds covering any shine. It was eleven thirty-seven- lunch break. She decided to stop by a local bakery, which was empty, except for the workers, a man, and herself. One that’s cologne filled the atmosphere, a gentle smell. She paced around between cakes and muffins, small cookies, and various breads. How could one person be allowed access to such large amounts of food? 

Moments passed, and she finally settled on two danishes before she heard a familiar buzz. Her next appointment was waiting in the office. She couldn’t wait for the blonde man in front to finish ordering as she set the danishes down and strolled out of the store, jogging back to the building. The patience she was willing to exhibit would have to wait. An hour later, the acid in her stomach was bubbling and growling. Causing her to run over to the bakery this time, which was now vacant of any customers. Picking up the two danishes and grabbing her wallet to pay- searching for an extra dollar or two to drop in the jar.

“These are already paid for, ma’am.” The cashier called out, standing on the opposite side. Her eyes moved slowly to the young lady’s face, attempting to see cracks in the expression. Surely she was being joked around with.

“I’m sorry?” She said sternly.

“These are already paid for.” The cashier repeated with a wide curve of her lips, as her fingers gently massaged her shoulder. “The man who was in here before you asked to put it on his receipt and give it to you once you came back.”

She was definitely joking now. The only people who were there were her and the man. But he stood in front of her, how could he have known that she wanted the danishes, or that she’d even come back to get them? Why would he even pay for a stranger’s food without knowing that for sure?

Those words echoed in her head as she walked to the office, with her stomach still growling. The pastries stayed untouched on her desk. Untouched as it dangled from her hand as she stood on the train. Her keys fell to the wooden countertop of her apartment along with it. For days staring at her each time she entered through the door,  growing a thin layer of grey spots over the fruit as it made its way to the now-hardened dough.

For a time, she avoided the bakery, fearing having to face the man and confess that she never even tasted the danishes he insisted the bakery girl give to her. She found herself back in there after four days once she had grown too curious to taste the tenderness of the pastry. The day that her teeth bit into the flaky and buttery crust was the day that she, fortunately, hadn’t encountered him. She intended to thank him and hand him the money it cost him whenever she got the chance to see him again. But every day that she was there, she didn’t catch a glimpse of the man- almost like he disappeared.

She’d imagine it would’ve been a simple interaction. Nothing more than a few moments and then silence. As he imagined that the interaction wouldn’t take more than a few seconds if he ever got the chance to see her again. He’d been working for longer hours, dozing off at his desk with his stomach roaring for attention. Too much work and his appetite was shot- that was a first. 

It had been only two years since his transition into corporate life. And he found himself dragging along, increasing an already wealthy corporation’s stocks. He wanted to convince himself that it was better than being a sorcerer. He was distraught, but accepting of his decision to leave that part of him in the past. He was screwing people over by selling them mucky stocks. But at least he wouldn’t have to see anyone he cared for arrive at the school tattered and dead. A cowardly move yet one that allowed him to have a shred of peace.

However, the peace didn’t satisfy him for long. Not when he’d stepped through the door, the aroma of fresh dough and baked fruits filled his nostrils. Only for his sights to be set on the winged creature wrapped around the cashier’s shoulder like a possessive cat.  It made his eyes burn with disgust, and shame. 

“Can you take a step forward?” The words came out harsher than he anticipated. Still, she took a step towards him- her grin hitched. With a swipe of his arm, too close to her face, he asked, “How is your shoulder?”

She rotated the joint, feeling ease near the point, “Woah, it feels so light.”

“If you still have an uncomfortable feeling in your shoulder, please go to the hospital.” He began to step away, “Pardon me.”

As he turned to make his way to the door, the familiar jingle of the bell rang. He stood there frozen in place, gripping the bag with his cassecroute. There she stood, huffing and ridden with beads of sweat on her forehead. She dressed in a long button-down and a skirt to combat the growing heat that swarmed over Japan’s temperature. The deepness of her brown skin glistened in the artificial lights while her dark coils of hair were held together in a puff high up on her head.

“Right on time, I have your usual Miss Y/N.” The girl called from behind him. A smile flashed across her face, raising her cheeks and showing her teeth. How hadn’t he seen her in here before?

“Thank you so much, you already know I had to run over here.”

“You usually do.” She commented which allowed a sprout of laughter to fill the bakery.

He watched her intensively, fingertips lingering on the packaged goods with a wad of paper peeking out of her palm- face brimming with delight. Her presence was unfamiliar- especially for this part of the city. That piqued his curiosity- she must have moved here not too long ago. The thought, however, wasn’t enough to form a conversation with her- which just prompted him to eye her like a deer in headlights.

“Sorry sir, are you finished with your order?” she asked in a voice that poured into his ears like honey. He wouldn’t be able to process that she’d been referring to him if he wasn’t looking directly at her. Her face began to contort with anxiousness as she raised her hand to his face, snapping her fingers in hopes of gaining his attention. “Um, sir- is everything okay?”

His eyelids fidgeted, “No- sorry.” He responded abruptly, twisting away and catching sight of his head back. Blonde and short, and familiar- though she couldn’t put her finger on why. Then it hit her- the faint scent of his hair. Almost as similar to the aromas that surrounded her but as potent as the cologne he was wearing. The same one she smelled the first day she was in here.

Her legs moved faster than her mind, and before long, she was already out the door. Prepared to chase him down if she needed to, though it wasn’t necessary- he was sauntering. “Excuse me, sir.”

His tracks stopped and his head peeped back over his shoulder, seeing her sweat-ridden face out the corner of his eye. A part of him wondered if he dropped anything on his way out and how awkward it would have been.  “Something wrong, Miss?”

She managed to notice his phone pressed up against his ear. “Uh, s-sorry. You’re on the phone, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“It’s not a problem- but you came out here in quite a hurry. I didn’t misplace something, did I?” He questioned, a tinge of irritation in his voice. She’d already felt like walking back inside, the embarrassment wasn’t worth it.

“Oh, is that woman? She sounds pretty.” She could hear the faintness of giggling through the speakers of his phone. Which only made the present irritation light with flames, and lifted a weight from her chest.

“Shut it!” He whispered loudly enough to be heard, resulting in him hanging up.

He turned back, brown eyes searching for hers. “Sorry about that. Co-worker, he’s a special character, to say the least.”

All she could do was stare into the eyes that looked into hers earnestly. There were etches of tiredness above his prominent cheekbones- ones that sunk in slightly, shaping out the rosy tint of his lips.  “So,” he started again, “ something you wanted to say?”

“Right, uh…” Her hands moved to the nape of her neck, fingers gliding over it. “I know this might sound weird, but I think I know you… Well, not really but I’ve smelt that cologne before so I know that I’ve seen you before or been in the same place as you.”

“You mean that place?” He responded, pointing behind her.

Her head snapped at the back of her to catch a glimpse of his direction. Dropping her sight to turn to him again. “You’re a comedian, I see.”

She laughed with saccharine sounds that caused an upturn in his mouth. He thought the peek of her teeth when she did so was pretty. Once she caught his gaze again, she stopped. “The point of me coming out here- I don’t know if you remember but the first time I came here, you kinda paid for the danishes that I wanted in the store.”

“I came back and the bakery girl told me what you did, which was kind of you. But I just haven’t seen you since to thank you.” She fumbled through her bag, getting out the wallet, “And well, give you this.” She stretched out to hand him a few crumpled bills that looked as though she ‘straightened’ them with the corner of a wall.

“There’s no need.”

“I insist,” she said, “I’ve been meaning to give it to you for a while now. And I wouldn’t want to have to owe you back in the long run.”

“You don’t need to. It took nothing off of me, especially since you like them so much now.” 

She chose not to fight him on it, with his tailored suits, refined demeanor with high cheekbones, and a warm gaze- money probably wasn’t an issue. How could it be when he looked the way he did? She nodded slowly, “Guess I’ll see you around.” 

He nodded his head, watching as she widened the distance between the both of them. Making her way back to the bakery’s entrance. It would be a dime a dozen if he was able to spot her again. He wouldn’t be back over here getting his cassecroute anymore. Because he wouldn’t even be working that lousy company job.

She pulled him from his thoughts as he noticed her approaching him again, this time with less urgency than the first time, “My manners are shot, sorry. I didn’t even introduce myself. My name’s Y/N Y/L by the way.” She said, extending her hand to him.

He took her hand graciously, nearly making her flinch from the chilliness of his fingers. “Nice to meet you Y/N. I’m Nanami Kento.”

She smiled, “Nice to meet you, Nanami.”

━━━━━━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━━━━━━

Nanami thought life was so much simpler when he wasn’t involved in the inconvenience of politics. Before he became aware of his ‘condition’. Back to the age of eight, when his parents were happy, and in a way- he was too. When his mother would hum as she cooked in the kitchen. She’d trod off to work with his father who dressed in his nice suits- tailored to perfection. They would always make it back home after his eyes had closed and soft snores escaped his mouth. They’d return to the kitchen where the supper was eaten and packed away by Chisa, his babysitter, who was between school terms.

They never had the heart to tell him about his father being laid off from work- prompting his long-term unemployment and Chisa’s obsoleteness. The difference in the atmosphere came almost instantly. His father was snappier with his eyes glued to his computer screen and his mother was barely home except for a few moments in the morning.  There was no time for the new adjustment, but at least he could stay in the comforts of his room- his little bubble and wait for things to return to the way they were. 

It was naive of him to believe so. Especially when his sight was fixated on the gremlin-like curses that hid from his mother and father’s vision- plaguing his home and tormenting him. How could a child tell their parents monsters existed and were leeching onto them like parasites?

His mother couldn’t fully comprehend what his babbling was about. Assuming that their lack of interaction was the cause of it. “Maybe you’re just imagining it, honey.” She told him with her hands running through his hair. “I promise things will get better soon.” Mumbling and groaning as she flopped on the bed with half-lidded eyes.

His father wasn’t willing to hear it- a child with an overactive imagination wasn’t foreign.  A person living in his own home like a freeloader, on the other hand, was. He nearly jumped at the opportunity to get back into the field, landing his first interview and leaving him to call back Chisa to look after Nanami for a few hours. She accepted though time wasn’t on her side.

Things began looking up as his father shook the CEO’s hand in agreement with his availability to work. He drove home feeling accomplished, excited to tell his wife that she didn’t need to kill herself off by working sixteen-hour shifts. That excitement quickly drained and filled his face with dread. Blood splattered on the hardwood and the walls. Chisa’s body, mangled and torn, laid promptly on the living room carpet.

His father’s eyes searched for him- checking the entry point of their home. Hearing faint sounds of crying coming from his room. Inside the closet, with his legs clenched tightly to his chest, Nanami rocked back and forth repeating through choked sobs, “It was the monsters, I swear.”

It was that thinking that got him into the college in the first place. Seeking out the institution he stumbled upon two guys, dawned in dark clothing covering every bit of their bodies aside from their hands and faces. Watching the white-haired one take down the curse with ease, similar to the curses he’s been seeing all his life. 

It was the dark-haired one who suggested he talk to their teacher, who oversaw the students' tasks and acceptance. The hardest part wasn’t getting accepted, but telling his parents what exactly he’d be doing for the next three years at this school. Making up some lies about how the college was supposed to help them get internships to work at different companies in the country. The lie flowed out so easily, almost scary how quickly it came from him. But to be met with his mother’s warm smile and his father’s accepting eyes was all that he needed.

He spent his days slashing at curses that were much too powerful for his standing. Days with one who was all too enthusiastic about being there. Yu Haibara, the young boy that kept him from drowning in the misery of responsibility. A responsibility that was much too grave for a couple of sixteen-year-olds to handle. That unfortunately resulted in the same fate that came down on Chisa going down on his friend.

He wished for simpler times again. Prayed for that light at the end of the tunnel, a purpose that would make the sacrifices of those around him feel worth it. Just a measly piece of hope- but he struggled to find one. How pitiful he felt when he graduated and left the last three years behind him. ‘It’s what you wanted’, is what he repeated to himself. But how could he when no one knew what they did? No one saw what they’d do to people- how they’d devour their victims without remorse? What type of pathetic man would allow that to happen to innocent people? The same pathetic man who was lying to his wife. 

He tapped his dress shoes anxiously, waiting to hear the turn of the door handle. Pondering his thoughts- how would she react to it? She loved him no doubt, but the play-by-play in his head told him this would end sourly. It was easier to be labeled as a child with an overactive imagination. To be an adult and preach the same gospel was a one-way ticket to padded walls and artificial light.

He heard footsteps before she walked through the door- standing suddenly as the keys jingled through the lock. There she stood, in a gorgeous blue slip dress that highlighted every curve, every rounded edge. A chuckle left her mouth as she finally met his eyes, “Well, it’s nice to see you’ve arrived somewhere before me.” She glanced over the table, toppled with his flowers in a vase and an envelope for her sitting next to it.

“Baby,”

“Don’t ‘baby’ me,” she stepped past him into the bathroom. He followed behind a few seconds later, catching a glimpse of her back before his hands stiffened close at his sides. On the lower end, stood a slimy green creature, coiled around her skin.

“Y/N, if I asked you to turn around, would you?” he asked as she stooped down to search the cabinets of the bathroom. His comment made her head turn up, straightening herself out.

“What are you talking about?.”

“If I asked you to turn around, can you?” he repeated.

Her shoulders began to fall as a sigh escaped her lips, “You didn’t answer my question.”

“Please, just- please?” he begged further- hoping that at least he could do this one thing before she managed to rip him a new one. She turned away from him, hand gripping the edge of the countertop. When he was certain, he stepped forward, swiping his arm across the area. Lucky enough the curse wasn’t anything too big and the relief came almost instantly. It surprised her how lighter her back felt- one swift move from Nanami prevented a drive to the ER as soon as dawn broke. 

“How do you feel now?” he asked, voice present with curiosity. It was faint, the opposite of the tone her own had taken.

She shook her head, turning to face him, “Weirded out.” she whispered, “But furious no less. I mean- waiting in a restaurant for two hours is embarrassing enough but getting stood up by my husband is laughable.”

He could hear the tremble in those words. The rage that was laced with them as she spat more venom towards him. “Nothing to say for yourself?” she said, breaking through his thoughts. Being this close to her face allowed him to catch the scent of alcohol on her breath. The stench of tequila burned through every other aroma.

If the both of them were to have this conversation, it had to be when she was in the right mind to listen to him. Not that he believed he deserved the kindness of her ears, “You smell of alcohol, where have you been?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know…” she scoffed, picking up the wipes from the cabinet, and placing them down on the counter. His eyes stayed fixated on her face. Another spout of laughter came from her, “What?... You don’t believe me? Think I’m keeping something from you?” her head snaked up towards his ear, whispering into it.

He drew in a strong breath, “We can do a little without the sarcasm here, don’t you think?”

“No.” she drew away, and the wipe moved along the surface to clear off the foundation and blush. “What I can do with is the truth. What happened to you tonight?”

“Something came up.”

“Something like what?... Work?”

He kept a stiff face, but his response was even more predictable, “What do you mean like what? You know I have to work.”

“I don’t know, it’s just hard to work when you have no job.” She shrugged, continuing to rub off the foundation. She wished he didn’t make her spell it out for him- he was a smart enough man to know when he’d been caught.  Her frustration grew the longer the silence went on. Once the wipe was done, she turned to him again, “Fine- when did you leave your job?”

His eyes widened at the question, face draining of the red colour that printed over his cheeks and on his full lips. That was the best response she had gotten tonight, “I called the company today to figure out where the hell you were that you couldn’t be on time for our dinner. Imagine my surprise when they told me you quit, after having believed that that was where you were going off to in the mornings.”

His gaze softened, shame overtaking his features as she continued, “So, I’ll ask again, when did you leave your job?”

There was no use in lying to her now. His voice was small, the words coming out muttered. “December.”

“What date?”

He shook his head, jaw clenching at the persistence, “I don’t see how that makes a difference.”

“Humour me, Kento.”

“The 10th.”

“A point for truthfulness, give him an award.” Her hands slapped against one another as she cheered, steamrolling past him out of the bathroom to their shared bedroom. She stripped herself of earrings and bracelets, watching his figure come to life in the mirror- his body just inches behind. His hands were starting to feel moist, a thin layer of sweat ghosting over his palms.

“I had every intention of telling you, I just-”

“Then why didn’t you?” she spat, “Something getting in the way?” 

“I don’t know what you mean.” 

“Like hell you do,” the words came out in a rumble. She slammed the last of the jewelry on the dresser, turning to face him, “Late night phone calls, the distance, you walking through that door almost half an hour past time but I guess now I can see why.”

He said calmly, “Why don’t you just spit it out instead of beating around the bush?”

“Fine! Are you cheating on me?” The statement came blunt. A pin drop could be heard with the space the silence filled between them both. Her gaze moved away- fearful of his response or worse, his expression and ashamed of the insinuation. Nanami wasn’t a cheater- he wouldn’t do that to her. She knew that. She had to have known that.

Nanami could feel his eyes heat up with water. A lump caught in his throat as he followed the direction of her eyesight, focused on her painted toes. “You think I’m stepping out on you?” He took a few steps forward. His hands reached out to touch her face, cupping her cheeks. “That’s ridiculous. How can you even insinuate something like that?” His tone wasn’t berating, though it came off differently.

“Why should I believe you?” she shook her head lightly, “All you’ve been doing this entire time is lying to me.”

“There’s a clear issue here- accusations won’t help.”

Another chuckle erupted from her, “Oh, you’re insulted? Can’t imagine how that might feel.”

Her hands pried his from her face, stepping away from him as she slipped the straps from her shoulders. Her body was now bare, with only her underwear covering her. “What’s so funny?”

She searched through the drawers for a large t-shirt to put over her, feeling an instant chill from the exposure. “You. This. Everything. I mean- I feel like I’m going fucking crazy here.” shouts swelled from her throat, turning to him abruptly.

“You don’t kiss me the way you used to. You don’t talk to me the way you used to, I don’t know how your day was or what you dreamt about the night before… I mean, you’re sleeping on the fucking couch for Christ’s sake.” His stature hadn’t ceased yet, and he remained as still as she left him. A stitch of envy poked through the air- so much of her was exposed when he was shielded. Even his eyes, pools of a honey brown, appeared darker, more reserved. It infuriated her, to pathetically beg for answers to questions that wouldn’t come. Even more when she sensed the hot tears beginning to drench her cheeks.

Her body began to tremble as she spoke, fresh with anguish. She hobbled over to the bed, dragging her feet as she placed herself at the edge. “You come home and it’s like- you’re here but you’re not really here. And today,” she sniffled, wiping her nose, “today of all days, you decided to leave me in the restaurant that we made reservations for three months ago for two hours and only God knows why.”  

His distance was closing in, hands reaching out to touch her. His legs caged her thighs as he stood in front. The choked sobs coming from her throat, the shuddering of her face between his fingers- how could he do this?  She melted into his hands this time, looking up to follow the gaze of his eyes as they twisted in another direction. “Look at me, please.”

Her fingertip lightly grazed under his chin. “Tell me the truth. Tell me that this is all in my head, that I’m just drunk and not thinking straight. That there’s a reason for you quitting your job and keeping it from me for a year. That your behaviour is for a good reason- one that’s too out of the box for me to even have thought of.”

His breathing was ragged, paired with the deadpan of his stare. She knew what she was spewing tonight wasn’t unlikely. But god did she want it to be false. She just couldn’t believe it. She exhaled, tears continuing to drop from her eyelids. A million different scenarios of this conversation played in her head on the way here. Half of those included variations of this exact conversation. Ending with her, broken, rabidly scraping through bits of something that didn’t belong to her- recalling the familiar crack of her mother’s laugh.

She lingered a last effort to get the truth out of him. “Baby, please say something.” 

His expression was unreadable, making her more anxious than she had been the entire night. What more needs to be done? Eventually, there was a swift intake of air and his nostril flared. His eyes, maintaining contact with hers, were gentle,  “I shouldn’t-” He hesitated, his tongue lined with the grains of his answer. Her ears perked up gently, “I shouldn’t have married you.” 

Nanami’s tone came out so softly- she almost hadn’t recognized the words he said. Then the words registered- twisting her face into an unrecognizable expression. Shattering through her resolve, through what little careful maneuvering she did to prevent this. Fear. She searched for any implication that he was lying, but his demeanor remained. His eyes were unwavering- there was no thumping of his heartbeat that pounded against her eardrums. No bob of his Adam’s apple or trembling on his lips.

An isolated vibration echoed through the walls of the apartment. The tremors of her body that had longed to snap, ceased. She pushed past him, skipping to her bag on the dresser top. Answering the phone as quickly as her hands could swipe.

“Hello, this is Y/N,” she greeted politely, hoping her voice wouldn’t be deceitful. Though she focused on the phone call, her attention never left Nanami. “Good night to you- no this isn’t a bad time, is everything okay?”

“No, I should be off for the next two weeks. Tell Mr. Getou he can book with me sometime in November when I get back.” She explained. In the instant, she could see his eyes narrow though she couldn’t understand why. “Any day past November 1st is fine. Okay- no problem. Bye.”

She took the phone from her ear, placing it on the dresser as she blew out a huff of air before she could hear his voice calling out again. “Getou?”  He questioned, fingers tracing over his palm while he stood. Her mouth never opened nor did her eyes make their way back to him.

“It’s late and you’re tired. Maybe we should talk about it in the morning.” He explains- attempting once again to move closer, every step he took- she took one as well in the opposite direction. His whole body felt clammy now. “I should probably go, give you a good night’s rest.”

He moved towards the door, fire burning hot in his belly, creating a pit in his stomach.

“Kento,” she called out, causing him to turn. “There’s a hotel that I passed on my way over here. On route with that bar, you pass to get to…” she paused briefly, “used to pass to get to work.”

He nodded, turning on his heel to exit through the door. She heard the familiar turn of the knob and then the faint click in place as the door closed. Leaving her in the loneliness of the living room as the tears rained down from her waterline.

“I shouldn’t have married you.” She didn’t know if it was one of the only truths he told tonight. But he knew he should’ve stayed, held her tightly with his thumbs rubbing circles into the rolls of her back. He knew it was sinister to have left her to meticulous thoughts. The way his own was inked with the same fixation as his hands laid steadily on the wheel. The streets were quiet with a drizzle and fog covering the once-dark sky- surrounding the car with a thin veil of gray. 

The words tasted of bile and acid once they slipped from his tongue, scorching through tissue and muscle. It’s all that was coming to him at the moment. Here he was met with the opportunity to be honest, to explain what he intended to and his words came out wrong. Maybe he didn’t feel the need to defend himself too heavily. He knew things other people didn’t and kept things other people wouldn’t. Maybe he did regret meeting her- marrying her and keeping her all to himself. Maybe in this scenario, on this occasion- he was the bad guy. 

How could he not be when the love of his life now believed she plagued his thoughts with her inadequacy?

The words replayed over and over, wiggling their way through his brain like an earworm. Even as badly as the utterness of Getou’s name. It had to be a different person. It couldn’t be the person he thought it was. But getting to the school through a vulnerable source- a non-sorcerer, a human who was believed to be a waste- that screamed the person he once knew. It made him even sicker to think about how that source was his wife. It soured his mind even more- what was his reason for even targeting her?

Nanami would have to tell her the truth, in hopes that she could believe him and that through that, she’d understand the dangers that Getou posed to her. She wouldn’t believe him, but he’d be willing to do whatever it took to get her there. His mind also ran on Gojo for a brief moment as he came to a stop at the light. He’d have to call him in the morning too, it could be nothing after all. But their lives were never so lucky.

He pressed gently down on the gas searching around to see the bright signs indicating the entrance to the building. He noticed the light first, the shine of it nearly blinding his view. Then came the screech of a tire that made him crack his neck to the side. The car in the opposite direction collided head-first with his side sending an initial wave of shock over his body, feeling a sharp pain. The car drifted, stopping swiftly due to the dullness of the asphalt- flipping it on its side, again and again and again until the car rested on its top. 

It left him dangled above the ground, blood gushing out of his head. The sharp pain pierced through his sides. Nanami didn’t have the energy to scream so his eyes just moved around slowly, catching a small glimpse of a car next to him. The car was on its side with its driver a few feet away from it, blood drenching the silver strands in their hair. His sight was starting to get droopy, he couldn’t even make out the figure approaching, “Oh my god, someone call the ambulance!” He didn’t hear anymore after that- his eyes grew too heavy and shut too abruptly.

“Someone please call the ambulance.” The man through the screen shouted out with his hands pressed down to the source of the blood. Her fingers pressed the buttons of the remote shakily, with a bag of sweets taking refuge in her other hand. She thought she’d be asleep by now. Ten twenty-six and her eyes were clawing for rest as she flicked from channel to channel. It was apparent that she should be in her right mind to talk to Nanami tomorrow. But sleep was evading her- preventing her from escaping the nightmare of the night into a dream of a new day. Even blinking took too much energy.

She wondered what could even be said in the morning. If anything he said tomorrow could take back the words of confession he revealed tonight. If it could fill the black hole in her chest that widened with each passing minute. The intention of tonight was to get him to tell the truth- the whole truth. He hadn’t told her what she expected but what was the difference in what he said? 

Her fingers continued to switch through station after station, almost on its own before she made it to the news channel. Nothing caught her attention- there were the typical weather reports, local crime in the area- nothing too out of the ordinary. At this rate, she might as well force the sleep on.

Before she could think to turn off the television, something flashed quickly over the screen. A crash- two colliding cars that left one of the participants dead on the spot. Though she wasn’t sure why, there was this awful pit in her stomach that prevented her from switching it off. Her eyes scanned over the bright lights to piece together the crime scene. And then she noticed the car. The car was exactly like Nanami’s- scratches and scraps painting the doors. The same paint job, the same model. The street was the exact one she passed to get home- the one she suggested he take to get him to the hotel. What were the odds, right?

The words of the reporters began to drown out, just mumbles crowded the atmosphere. The only sounds that got through were those of her heartbeat, threatening to burst out of her chest. She could feel the bottom of her belly tingle, the emptiness of her stomach, and the build-up of urine that suddenly appeared. Even the saliva accumulating in her mouth became almost too watery. Her fingers were nimble and trembling as she let the remote slip from her grasp. 

She nearly jumped out of her skin to get to the phone, “Hello ... .this is she.” There were constrictions around her throat, tightening as more warm tears were attempting to spill from her eyes. “Is he okay?...”

It didn’t take long to get to the hospital after the lady had told her where to go. The difficult part was not being able to see him. The doctor let her know that he had some cranial bleeding and two of his ribs had broken. One of them pierced through his spleen, which they planned to remove. Sitting in the crowded lobby, picking at her fingernails, she watched countless people passing in and out. Their injuries spanned from stomach aches to deep lacerations to full limbs missing from their bodies. The blood that dripped from the wounds added to her unease.

“You must be Nanami’s lovely lady. Y/N, right?.” She heard an upbeat voice call to her from above. Her vision slowly examined the slender body of a man who dawned dark slacks and a white button down. Dark glasses over his eyes with a dazzling white smile and hair to match. He extended one hand out while the other was occupied with a can of soda. Her attention left him as she continued to pick at her nail beds.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” He continued, placing himself in the empty seat next to her. “I’ve heard much about you.”

Her head remained away from his direction, “Strange, I’ve heard absolutely nothing about you.”

“Ah, the businessman must be embarrassed talking about me or something.” He joked, soft giggles leaving his lips as his eyes studied the pattern of footsteps passing them every few seconds. His gaze made its way back to her face, with the same grin printed on, “Well, in that case- I’m Gojo Satoru.”

She figured if he knew who Nanami was, he was an associate of his. Maybe one from his new ‘job’ that she hadn’t known about. Not that she knew of any friends from the company. But, this was Gojo- the man sitting next to her with his legs crossed over one another- the same man whose name brightened up on Nanami’s phone late in the night. Strangely enough, with this new information of his identity- it made his appearance glow.

How’d he even know to come here? Did he get a call too? Was he watching the news like she had been and decided to rush over here? “Gojo,” She whispered to herself, barely audible to anyone else. One moment with him, and he was consuming empty spaces of her thoughts- the ones that weren’t occupied with Nanami.

Almost as if he had been reading her mind- his voice lowered to a whisper. Taking a sip from his can, he voiced plainly, “The lady at the front desk called me. I was in the area so it didn’t take me very long to get over here.” In the area? This was the closest hospital to the crash- how could he know about it so soon unless he was already here. Was this man on his emergency contacts list? Before his parents? Before…

“You must’ve been so worried. Car crashes in weather like this seem so obvious, but I’m sure that’s not really what you wanna hear, right?” He continued, nearly unaware that her attention was anywhere except the conversation. He briefly caught a glimpse of the vacant expression that washed over her features, “Hey, you okay?”

It wasn’t a long silence as she turned to him, being met with the intensity of his eyes. An icy shade of blue- nothing like the warmth that came from Nanami’s.  “Can I ask you a question?” She asked hesitantly. He nodded, eyes so bright it felt like he was peering into her soul. It left her naked under the lens of his scope. But not vulnerable enough to pass the opportunity to question him, “What’s your relationship to Kento anyway? What is it that the two of you do?”

The smile he had worn before changed, turning it into a solemn expression as he answered, “He didn’t tell you?” His voice sounded concerned, though it only read to her as some sort of confirmation. There was a bob in his throat as he took another sip of soda, “Maybe I’m not the best person to tell you about it then.”

“I don’t think it really matters.”

She focused back on her hands that lay steady in her lap, thumbs circling around each other. He contorted in his chair, resting his knee up on the chair’s back as his elbow rested on the top, “Look, whatever happened between you and Nanami tonight, it’s not his fault- I mean not entirely at least.”

There was a curve of her lips, shaking her head as he pleaded with her. “I’m serious. I mean he’s been ranting about how shitty everything’s been lately- how he wishes things were easier. I mean it took him weeks to find some good plane tickets to Malaysia.”

The sentence made her fingers stop, and her blood ran cold. The envelope on the table… His hands clamped over his mouth as fast as the words came out. “Shit- I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

He wasn’t sure what her reaction would be to him spilling such an important secret. He knew if Nanami was awake, he’d strangle him for opening up his big mouth. But all she did was chuckle, “It’s fine- I’m happy about how unintentional your honesty was just now. I needed it.”

“Mrs. Nanami Kento,” The overhead speaker boomed through the ceiling, alerting every person whose eyes weren’t too tired to close. She took one last look at Gojo and then rushed to the front desk instantly, watching as the woman’s face stared patiently at the blinding screen in front of her. “Your husband’s out of surgery. You can see him now.”

She took a step away from the desk, up the elevator then straight down to the end of the hall- the post-anesthesia care unit. Her body stopped just before she could make it to the opening. She wasn’t sure what to expect, more fearful of what couldn’t be done. She hadn’t seen the effects- all that ate away at her was guilt.

And when she found herself turning the corner to see the damage, she was stunned by the image of him lying there. Half of his face was covered in scratches while a wide gash printed over the base of his forearm up to his bicep. The wound was held together by fresh sutures while his upper torso was covered with a large gauze. Another gauze printed over the other side of his torso, though it was much lower. His blonde hair now resembled a faint red.

“Kento,” she croaked, falling to her knees at his side as the welted tears came forth again. She took his hand in hers, thumbs ghosting over his knuckles delicately. His breathing was being taken care of by the ventilation machine- pulse oximeter tracking his heart rate which was stable for the moment. But the look of him made her stomach collapse inside itself.

“You can’t even allow me the courtesy of being angry with you for the night- you’re so selfish.” She starts up again, attempting to smile through the flames that were engulfing her lungs, “I mean- you weren’t cheating, though a part of me isn’t convinced. Your friend, Gojo… he’s very pretty, too pretty for his own good.”

She waited. After a while, there was no response, only the tranquil sound of beeping. It didn't raise, or slow down at all. There was no flutter of his eyelids, or huskiness in his voice, or movement in his fingers. There was nothing but a shell of him and the shame printed on her face. Whether it be through her suggestion of route or her persistence in fighting with him tonight- there was no denying it.

“Baby, you can’t go now- not like this.” She begged, lips pressed against his knuckles as her forehead rested on his thigh. She felt her eyes growing weary, if only she could fight it. She didn’t wish to sleep, or for the day to end. Not when there was a possibility that tomorrow would come with more pain.

“Please, just come back… come back to me…” Her voice crept into a lower tone, hoping that her prayer would only be heard by the ears of her unconscious husband. 

She wasn’t sure when she’d fallen asleep. Nor was she sure what dreams her mind had come up with to pass the time, but the sound of shuffling, a loud crackle in voice, and a tap on her shoulder were enough to wake her. She was met with multiple attendees by the bedside, pushing her to the corner of the room, closest to the door. 

“Start the compressions now.”

It wasn’t until she was fully conscious, rubbing her eyes to notice the stable noise of the machine. Nanami’s pulse was dropping rapidly, which left her panicked. She attempted to jump through the crowd of people, reaching her hand out to simply feel the tips of his fingers. Only to be pulled back by one of the attendees in the room. “Ma’am, please don’t move.”

Her gaze moved towards Nanami’s hand- the only sight of him that she was allowed to see in the ocean of bodies. The doctor's hands were placed across his chest, pumping up and down. “His vitals are dropping and fast.” He continued, now opting for defibrillators, the nurse attaching the pads across his chest. 

He rubbed the two pads together before yelling “Clear!” A jolt came from Nanami’s body, but the ringing persisted. Another wave of electricity flowed through him though it didn’t do much, the consistent sound continued to torment her ear.

And then came that abrasive chime, the flatline. 

For that moment the room went still, and she found herself in the position of multiple pairs of eyes to stare, inspect her expression. She couldn’t take her eyes off of his still hand, unmoving with the warmth draining as fast as the colour from her face. The words grew stuck on her tongue and the acid in her stomach churned to burn her insides. There was nothing but the sound of the machine.

The doctor finally broke the silence clearing his throat to speak in a low voice, “Call it. Time of death- 11:10 AM.”

━━━━━━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━━━━━━

They say death is supposed to be peaceful. To be rid of a hell that wasn’t of a person’s own choosing. Born into a world so cruel and spiteful to its inhabitants riddling them with anger and loss. It was what consumed her throughout the week, as her phone rang to contact her parents-in-law. A piece of her wished she had someone close enough to call, to just bask in their comfort while her head spiraled. To heat the numbness that chilled her exterior.

Here she was, making pointless conversation in the small room as people one by one came to place their flowers and make their amends. Nanami’s mother stood close to her, holding her hand in hers as she wept. His father was closer to the door, talking to colleagues while he glanced at the urn in front, filled with his son’s ashes. She couldn’t wait to step away from the crowds of sadness that drenched everyone’s faces. She caught a glimpse of a similar mess of white hair with the same shades. Next to him stood a much shorter woman with long brown hair and bags under her eyes. There was wetness on her cheeks and her hands were crossed over her chest. All Gojo had done was bow his head to her.

Within the next week’s time, her final sessions came to a close- though she could never get a hold of Getou. She assumed that he might’ve been busy- talking about loss was complicated.

It took everything in her to pack away the life she curated in boxes. To deplete her hopes and dreams into failure. To tear the memories of their love and lust, of their pain and anguish from the walls of their apartment. To see remnants of them in the people she would interact with, in the fragments of him he left her to grasp onto. It turned into an empty lot with the boxes piled away in trucks ready to become pieces of someone else’s memories. Invaluable pieces of her life that she used to end the consistent nagging from the landlord.

If she’d known, if only she had known- she’d never let him walk out that door. She’d never be forced to grip the envelope for dear life- her last bit of him. Even as she focused through the window, seeing wide sheets of clouds over the horizon, the words of him, his last, replayed to her like a song.

To My Y/N, My apologies mean nothing to you- they shouldn’t after how I’ve been behaving these past few weeks. I’m so sorry. I wish I could’ve told you sooner- I hope that someday I will be able to let you know about the piece of my life I’ve wished to hide from you. I know I do not deserve the blessing to hold your ears nor your kindness. I know that your love for me is one that I could spend a thousand years looking for and never find anything close to it. I hope you know, that you were never a second priority, you are and have always been the brightest star in my sky. Love, Kento

Marriage was sometimes painful- scornful even. But death was peaceful, just not for those who remained.

YELLOURR © 2024

[screechingdinosaurchopshop]

I’m taking a good thing and turning it into goodbye.

Kyle doesn’t recognize himself anymore since moving in - I’m to blame for that. I’m making him cuss and yell and fight in front of brooks.

One week.

Fucking hell Rachel don’t let the best thing leave because you can’t get out of your head!!!

Hi babessssss. Your final Christmas gift is something you’re not expecting but I think it’s necessary. An explanation for my recent behavior.

It doesn’t make sense and for that I’m sorry. I was testing you. For what or why I don’t know. J used to threaten me with leaving or talking to someone. I know my trauma is my responsibility and my only purpose in this is to explain. I wanted to make sure you meant it when you said you weren’t going to leave or purposely hurt me.

I hit rock bottom though and I seriously fully intend to not get to that point again.

Idk if you remember but last Christmas you sent a text saying hopefully this is the last Christmas we’re not together & I’m so grateful/thankful/blessed that’s my reality- hopefully it’ll be my reality for the rest of my life.

^ I started this after the first fight with the dog shit and the vacuum- not sure why I didn’t finish it or just send that?

Got distracted - went to read the last note I wrote on my app about all things you & me. My anxious thoughts:

“So I was just going to tell you this in the morning when you call, but I didn’t want to wait. Also figured you’d read this when you wake up ☺️ Thank you for loving me and sending me that text before bed. I’m getting in bed with the biggest freaking smile on my face bc of it. This season of life is crazy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know how you feel (maybe not exactly the same) but I feel sad when y’all leave me after being together all weekend. So I really can’t wait for November. All the sleepovers and togetherness is going to be amazing. “

^ I wanna get back to this girl -STATasap.

Just heard a commercial with a cat and teared up because I miss nally so much. I love you and the boys down past my core, but I’m waaaay outnumbered.

“I don’t think I said this earlier in person, so I apologize, BUT I appreciate you so much for following me with the nail and letting me take your car to church and just being caring/concerned. I know it wasn’t a Sunday watching football on the couch, but it means a lot. I really have not had that in a life partner before so I’m sorry I went straight to wanting to call my dad. It’s just what I’ve done before I was married and then when I was bc J sucks. “

This is just another reason of you contributing & taking care of me. I’m sorry I really struggle with believe I’m deserving of any type of care. (Thought was waaaaaaay before we started dating back to me telling my dad I thought something was wrong with my mom and she was one person before school confident sweet and caring and after school she was cold sad and depressing/hurt- but also triggered me when you said it today in the car and I lashed out because I felt attacked and brooks was in the car.) also these fights are contributing to my trauma & I realize that is not what I need or want you for, but more respect you for putting up with me and not giving up.

But anywho like I think who I was when I was sending those is someone you were happy with and not questioning which Rachel you’d be walking into.. you used to reply to them and it’s okay if you don’t anymore, I just liked the reassurance.

I feel like that was bitchy and I’m sorry. That was also why I asked you what’s something that we both think is bitchy since I know brooks can’t read yet, but he’d ask what it says so I wrote my foot on the mirror. 😂😂😂

Bitchy in how I’m talking. I dunno. I’m sorry if it’s written rudely I just don’t know. I don’t know why I’m now like scared to talk to you now but it’s really bothering me. 😅

I’m not proofreading this so I’ll probably cringe when you read this or I’ll be asleep. You’re the best friend, lover, man partner, father, daddy😉👦🏼, teacher, coach, godly man I’ve ever met. How and why would I ever fuck that up to this point?! I meant what I said earlier. I’m starting over this year with trying on the controlling feelings on my part. I don’t have to take everything in the world so personally. I’m not a stuck up bitch. I’m afraid the anxiety about work and stuff is going to be there til I get my depression in check and/or get a new job. But mama wants a home with you, brooks, maxxy poo, booboo& dew so that new job is on hold and a new car for me. I want the Tessie because I want you and brooks & the pups forever and ever amen.

Holy fuck. I told you about when I wanted to die. And how I paced around the whole house for 8 hours. If you wanna know more about it let me know or if you wanna hear about it Jonathan knows. He’s the reason I’m still here so if you ever question my friendship ( don’t worry I do sometimes haha 😂) with him, that’s why. He’s like my little brother.

What do you think of this?

No I didn’t tell her that, just had the thought and wanted to share. Again. I don’t know how to talk about things with you, but I guess I can write it out. If you wanna do it, let me know I’ll call Fido’s and ask my mom to watch dew .

You just rolled over and put your arm around me. I think I could melt in your arms forever. I am going to make the best of this week and just pray often you don’t walk away from this.

Last thing and I’m going to shut my brain off - I want to text lauren in that group text about brooks birthday & just say like so excited for brooks birthday party- hope y’all are on the mend from covid- happy new year! 🎊

Wanted to get your thoughts tho before sending it. Forever hoping we’re going to going together but I know. I’m taking it a day at a time.

Please play Xbox again tho & lock the door just tell me that’s what’s happening or you need to be alone and I’ll fuck off.

You haven’t asked, but with our fighting aside I did have a great time off with you. I know you probably think it’s crazy I’m saying that, but I’m blessed and grateful for you every damn day.

I lover you handsome.

[riverbabee]

November 6th 2023

Hey Everyone! Just wanting to type in my computer. I enjoy writing in my laptop, just the keyboard and the tapping is fun to do. I guess I also have some thinking to do too. I'll take this as a time to freelance on writing. What's been going on my mind lately? Really, nothing much. I'm enjoying the time I have right now. Work, my dog, my family, boyfriend and friends. Also, getting to have some ice coffee and food!

For about 3-4 years I had to keep saving money and spend it for school or save up for school. Now that I am working I finally feel like I'm able to get some thing for myself. Clothes, room things (essential) , and over all being able to get groceries. I ALSO, wanted to write out how I feel about watching anime. The last episode of attack on titan just came out a couple days ago. Oh my gosh... felt like this is it.. No more. After all these years of anticipation. I have to question myself. what NOW?! What new anime will I get into? It's not as good like back in the day. Newer anime kind of sucks.. What a shame.

Anyways, I want to also express that I keep going back and fourth on school. It's so sad that I want to get a degree in my life for myself, but truthfully it gets nowhere in society now and days. Just years of debt and corporate jobs. I'm extremely surprised the other day how corporate jobs still do not mean anything to this world. You can get laid off any day and that is the end of that.

Wow, just wow... well I'm glad where I am at now. Makes me so happy that I love what I do now, it's tiring but pays off so well.

anywho, good bye now! I'm done tying for now! :D