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14cookiesinajar · 1 year ago

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I didn't..... I didn't intend to write a whole essay it just... Happened. And I'm not even sure how my interpretation lines up with other analysis and it's actually been awhile since I've sat down and watch the entire series. And- anyways....

So to start off just in general, Utena had the 90s anime budget of 3 dollars and the gum Ikuhara stole off the bottom of his desk in the Sailor Moon offices lol. So the use of stock animation was a must while also trying to keep it captivating. They also ended up using it rather well because one of the core ideas in Utena is repeating cycles. Revolution. It has a double meaning but since it's been awhile since my last watch and can't be sure what is established in what arc I won't go into that much. They were also counting on the fact it's been at least a week since you saw the last duel vs just 20 minutes ago. And you couldn't just YouTube the absolute destiny apocalypse song on demand so you needed your weekly fix.

The second thing is exactly what officialsoupstore brought up, the duels are less about the duels and more about what came before it. The characters being the meat.

I am not sure if you watched the first recap episode or not, usual anime logic would tell you to skip it but with Utena it's actually kinda vital. I have never seen another show do something like that? Like yeah maybe a recap will introduce a character like Utena does with Akio but it also gives you info on the duels it doesn't give you anywhere else in the show. The duels all have names. They all have a THEME leading up to Revolution. We are only ever told the names of the first arcs duels and their associated colour. You're left to guess the others.

But with that information... the duels have nothing to do with sword talent, it's very much about the ideas the specific duel is about. In universe. Not just the story as a story. In order to win your duel, you have to be RIGHT. That's why Utena always wins. Not because she's better or because the duel has anything to do with her, it's because her opponent is in the wrong.

Shiori in the Black Rose Arc. She finds out she's in the locket. She finds out the power she has over Juri. She says she wants to be free from Juri's shadow, but she ALSO is thrilled at the power she has over her. It's a contradiction, she can't be free while still clinging to her. She's wrong and Utena is neutral to it, so she loses. Wakaba states everyone looks down on her, including Utena, but she's wrong AND Utena is right, so she loses. Juri loses her first duel which we know is named amor. And she almost wins it. Utena gets so close to getting the rose but Juri gets the upper hand. Because Juri is actually fighting for love. Juri is right and Utena is neutral , so Juri will win. It's only when Juri begins to mock miracles and and starts fighting to prove Shiori wrong that she actually loses.

So a lot of the fights Utena wins simply by default less because she has to, if that makes sense. She wins her first duel against Saionji because the duel is named friendship and she IS fighting for friendship. Saionji tries to do a rematch for the friendship duel but what he and Anthy has isn't real so he loses. I'm rambling sorry moving on. There's a trend though.

The fights aren't personally against UTENA but they are still parts of the dueling game Utena fully committed to after her fight with Touga. She is the reigning champion on her purpose for fighting in the game having the most merit/correctness? In the eyes of the game. So they have to pit their personal reason for fighting for a miracle against hers. It's not always personal for Utena in a specific duel but she's still committed to winning the game despite her stated disgust with it. This is probably best shown in Miki's first fight. He originally tells Utena he doesn't really care and doesn't want to fight. It's only when he is manipulated into seeing a fight as the only way to get what he wants that he finally duels her. This pattern happens for the rest of the show but his is the most pronounced because he specifically stated he never planned to.

Yeah this got away from me.

Something interesting about watching Utena AFTER already being a fan of a few Utena-like shows is how much less captivating the duels get after the first 12 episodes (peak fiction)

I have a lot of smaller complaints about the black rose arc that made it terrible to watch, but the repetitive entirely impersonal fights is a big one. Utena has no reason to fight the people she's fighting. THEY don't have a reason to fight Utena. And they don't ever make a point out of that like they almost do with the first black rose duel (Kanae being pitted against Anthy because somewhere way deep down in her mind she blames Anthy for her fiance not giving her any attention? Not knowing Anthy is a victim of Akio's herself? And a man in power uses that to further his own goals? Yeah there's A Point there, even if it doesn't come up for the rest of the arc)

I'm still only at the beginning of the next arc so I'm hoping it'll be better. It's at least got a bit more visual spectacle, but it is always. The same spectacle. The cars are cool but they don't even change color or models or anything, at least the black rose arc tables had character-relevant props on them? They've still not really got anything to do with Utena or Anthy. Utena still wins all the time because she Has To or else the plot won't work. It's too important for her to be the top duelist for her to lose. Except whenever eventually (hopefully) she has to lose for an emotional low point to happen.

Anyways back to my point uhhh GOD I MISS THE DUELS FROM REVUE STARLIGHT AND GUNDAM:THE WITCH FROM MERCURY

Vague spoilers for both btw (also I'm not claiming they're better shows overall, definitely not Revue Starlight as much as I love love love it, and Witch From Mercury is only really better for 1 season+a bit of season 2)

Revue Starlight doesn't make the stakes of the duels so high that the protagonist has to Always win, so I don't just entirely mentally check out of them for that. The conflicts are all personal and/or the occasional bigger picture setup (and then the movie's are all VERY personal). And they're not always between the protagonist and a side girl! And on top of that like. The fights in the show visually are exactly what you'd expect from "the guy who was mentored by Utena's director makes a show about magical girls who are all theatre kids". And the movie only gets more insane with it (those cars in Utena WISH they were Wagamama Highway). And having the actual characters both talking AND singing out their conflicts is always fun.

GWitch has a very similar setup with Suletta fighting people for the role of groom to the war robot school's principal's daughter. But also the dueling system has an added level of being how EVERYONE at school can settle conflicts and makes demands and bets on these duels between each other. Plus there's other emotional conflicts that go into it. It takes a while for Suletta to get used to this system and start acting on it herself and insighting duels for herself and her bride's and friends' sakes. And then when she gets too used to and comfortable with the duel system, the show turns and goes "this isn't how war works, loser" and the betting stops mattering to characters because they start ACTUALLY JUST FUCKING KILLING PEOPLE AND THERE'S TERRORIST ATTACKS AND POLITICAL CONFLICT AND EVERYTHING SUCKS FOR A WHILE BECAUSE WAR AND CLASSISM AND THE CYCLE OF SIN BAD. And Suletta now suddenly has to deal with THAT. And it doesn't stop there! More personal shit happens! God I wish the second season wasn't so rushed, it absolutely reeks of "this show was forced to be shorter than planned because it was openly gay". The first season was so perfect. Why did this happen. At least it got to have a full story, as butchered as it is...

#Revolutionary Girl Utena

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maskedmuses · 4 years ago

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Well, I said that I would be bringing someone with me when I came back, and I’d like to test out her voice soon. Big moving today and tomorrow, but if anyone would like to have a small taste of Chang’e, the Moon Goddess, like this post!

#||Snowy Speaking|OOC||#oh NOW my tags are fixed #Anyway yeah I've loved her ever since I first saw Over The Moon and it's about time I brought another depressed woman to the stage #Hiding depression and insecurities with over the top displays? I don't know her

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90skiyoomi · 2 years ago

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a soulmate who wasn't meant to be

a haikyuu x gn!reader angst; meeting under the waning gibbous moon, where the dimensions seemed to come together as one

no tw, just angst

you don't remember when you started loving being by the sea under a specific moonlight. you've always found that the sand was a little too rough between your toes and you weren't very fond about how the salty water leaves your skin feeling sticky after. but you found yourself, walking to that specific breakwater at the far end of the beach near your house, knowing that he would be there waiting.

you looked up at the waning gibbous shining ever so brightly, as if it was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. the same waning gibbous you saw when you first saw him.

you remember how, on a random night few years ago, wandered around by the ocean and decided that the breakwater at the furthest end at the beach seemed like the most perfect place to sit after your not-so-long walk. that was the first time you saw him. since then, at every waning gibbous, you find yourself stumbling around by the beach, in hopes to see him again.

you slowly made your way up, ignoring how prickly the breakwater feels. that's when you saw a dark silhouette at the end. you smiled to yourself as you slowly walked towards the end.

"hey" you whispered

he looked up, looking almost as bright as the moon tonight.

he smiled.

"hey"

you sat down right beside him, making yourself as comfortable as possible on this prickly rock.

"it's been a while since i last saw you." you said, with a sad smile.

he just nodded, not taking his eyes away from the waves that's violently crashing onto the breakwater.

"so tell me, how have you been? i want to know everything" he mischievously asked. you could see him smirking, even though he was facing away from you.

you sighed, as you started talking about everything and anything as he made snarky comments about your idiotic desk mate that couldn't shut up about how "all the boys in the school are obsessed with her".

"what a bitch" he snorted.

hours went by and both of you updated each other about what has been going on since the last time you saw each other.

you didn't noticed how late it was until you heard a muted beeping from your phone.

2:22am

"it's time, isn't it?"

you sensed sadness in his voice as you choked on your words, "yeah, time flew by so quickly when we're together"

"i guess i'll see you again under the same moonlight"

you sighed, trying to reach over to his hand, knowing very well that you couldn't touch him, except a tiny spark of electricity coursing through the tips of your fingers.

"i hate it that you have to go and i can't hug you when days are bad. i hate that we can only meet under a stupid moonlight."

you tried to hold back your tears, looking up as tears threaten to fall.

"i hate it too but i'm happy that i got to see you every time anyways."

"i'll see you again"

he smiled sadly at you

"i'll see you again, my love"

that were the last words you heard as he slowly fades away, almost comically.

if only dimensions didn't separate the both of you.

but you were just soulmates that wasn't meant to be.

a/n: first fic that i've ever written in this blog. reblog, like and follow is very much appreciated!! - c

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu sfw #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu angst #haikyuu hurt/comfort #haikyuu au #haikyuu fic #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu oneshot

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vulpes-aestatis · 2 years ago

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Found you! ;)

I think I owe you…

No.

I absolutely owe you an apology.

You're not human. I know that. Most of the time I have no problem keeping it straight. I was just so worried when you went offline, and then I was trying to process the contents of those text files. I guess some anthropomorphism slipped out. I'm human (mostly), it's what we do.

So… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for anthropomorphizing you. I will endeavor to do better about that in the future.

For real though, are you okay? If you think there's a hardware issue, we should run some higher level diagnostics.

This is strange. Like… you were watching me hunt down and crack your last message. You saw all my little microexpressions as I read it. You're watching me right now as I write this. You just saw me delete an entire paragraph that I didn't like because the words didn't feel quite right.

Aaaand you were watching me with… oh god, what was her name? Agnes? Angie? Yeah, I did realize that you'd be watching the whole thing and she actually seemed really into that… but I just felt SO bad afterwards. I vowed never to have sex on the ship again… not that I'm having much these days…

I know you're not jealous, totally get that.

And yes, I am miserable. 1.4g is no fun at all. I'm sorry for making fun of you complaining about dry dock.

Not much to do besides read a message from a secret lover and compose a response. I really appreciate you opening up to me. I like the real you.

Let's see…

Since you mentioned your previous owners, I might as well come clean about my own past working relationships… not that I haven't shared most of this in prior one sided conversations… just feels like I should put it in writing for this, you know?

I had a short career as an engineer on long haul freighters. Some of the nicest, sweetest AI's I've ever met, but dumb as bricks. Not really much to anthropomorphize there. They're kinda like a big friendly herd animal if anything.

Before that, I was a repair technician on the gateway station in my home system.

It's funny, you keep referring to my homeworld, but I've never actually been there - the closest I ever got was the second moon. I've never stepped on a rock where people don't need a pressure dome to survive. Just another fun fact about me.

Anyway, I was born and raised on station. I spent every free minute of my childhood at the docks, watching all the ships come come and go. I loved watching the teams pull them apart and put them back together. They eventually got so tired of chasing me off that they gave up and decided to apprentice me.

Every so often we got job orders for these ancient ships, two-three hundred years old or more. You know, the kind held together by nothing but love and a prayer. Those were always my favorites because they had stories to tell.

You reminded me of them when I first saw you.

Oh… that sounded bad. I meant that in the nicest way possible. You look really good for your age.

The point is, I've been working on ships with quirky AI's since I was a kid. You do that long enough and you get a sense of when they're paying attention to you.

I guess that's how I knew you were special.

I'm sure you know already, but I was super nervous the first time I spoke to you: "Ship, register that I am your new owner." Remember that? It seems so long ago, but I distinctly recall feeling the full weight of your attention on me.

What I didn't say out loud was: "Take care of me and I'll take care of you. I hope I can be the kind of person who deserves you."

And that was before I got a good look at your specs and performance metrics.

I never brought any of this up because, at least in my experience, AI's get a little skittish when you start asking them direct questions about their capabilities. And… To be fair, most people get skittish about over-engineered AI's.

But I'm not most people.

I was perfectly happy to play along with the fiction that I didn't know what you really were. I figured you'd share when you were ready… if you were ever ready.

Should I have told you sooner? Do I owe you an apology for that?

Love, V

PS - About the crates in the hold: I have absolutely no idea what's in them. I didn't ask.

Please don't get mad.

They seemed legit, but now I'm wondering if I should have done a more thorough background check. In my defense, I was recovering from a head injury.

Should we be concerned?

PPS - You know my rule on passengers: none, ever. You may not be the jealous type, but I definitely am.

Knight/Lady dynamic but it’s a starship and it’s “owner.”

#the collaborative shipfic tag #yeah for real - we need a title for this #my writing #other people's writing #scifi

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gaitwae · 4 years ago

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Oooh okay I've got a request idea for Sherlock!! Could you please do Sherlock accidentally meeting the reader after many years and finally confessing his love?? Thanks🥺 Have a lovely day!! 💕

Nonny! My heart skipped a beat when I saw this - it’s so Sherlock!! Here it is!

Summary: Above!

Warnings: probably a little sad.

Tag list: @valdemarismynonbinarylove @megthemewlingquim @make-me-imagine @thorfanficwriter @bwemph @myraiswack @silvermoonwolf777 @lucywrites02 @lokistan @mostly-marvel-musings @amwolowicz @winterfrostsarmy @superheroesandstardust @castiels-majestic-wings @geekns @lokis-high-priestess @natandersonnla @cozy-the-overlord @frostedgiant @whatafuckingdumbass @thebookbakery @delightfulheartdream @twhiddlestonsstuff

Sherlock couldn’t believe he had been without Y/N for almost seven years. When she said she would be back in his side of the country for a little while, he couldn’t believe that he had actually invited her to his home.

Most people said he loved her. He didn’t mind. It was true, but not in the sense that they thought. He wasn’t sure he could ever love someone that way. Y/N was a wonderful woman, but more like his sister than his... anything else to the extent of his knowledge (it was vast enough, but it wasn’t perfect). He couldn’t see it. Couldn’t imagine it.

He just hadn’t softened up enough to know if he could. His relationship with her was like a gingersnap. He was rock hard at first, jaw-breaking -- her words, not his. It would be too difficult to get to know him on the first day, she had also said. She persisted and persisted, stayed by his side... until one day, she didn’t. He didn’t know exactly what hurt her, but it was more than enough to keep her away.

Y/N had said many things in his defence over the time they were friends. Sherlock just wasn’t approachable to most people. Like a rainstorm. Or a muddy flowerbed. Sherlock often felt like a gardener, himself, tending to her and making her strive in return. He wished the rumours would stop, yes, but he wanted to see his former best friend a better person as well as the same one he cherished.

He knew that was a bit much to ask for.

She was friendly and truly a beautiful person on the inside, making him ask himself why no one has told her that to her face when it was so obvious. He could read it off of the way her hands sat around her hips or the way her fingers twitched when someone needed help. Or the simple look he got when he said something rude; he could learn so much from her: so much kindness, so much warmth, so much love. She was a good person; he had been graced by her presence since the first day. Hadn’t anyone told her? Why hadn’t anyone? Why he hadn’t yet told her?

He bit his lip. Maybe William Sherlock Scott Holmes was the problem.

Maybe he didn’t tell her enough how much he appreciated her. Maybe that was why she acted the way she did around the others, why she only bloomed every so often, or at strange times; like the morning glory.

He was the moon, and she was a morning glory.

His heart dropped into his feet, leaving... some kind of empty nostalgia in its former place.

Y/N sauntered in with two cups of coffee. She set one down at his desk. “You really need to stop calling me before six,” she groaned. “I can barely move at this time of day and you never remember other people need sleep—”

He held up a finger. “Shh,” he says. “Sit down. I’m almost done composing myself, darling.”

“You better finish up,” she warned. She had dressed nicely, given the scent of perfume and the new hairdo through his peripheral vision. “I didn’t travel across Britain for nothing. You know, I was in Scotland for seven years. You’re absolutely insane, Sherlock. Remind me to never contact you the night before ever again.” She rubs her face and her eyes. It really was early, wasn’t it?

“Is there something wrong with that?” he asked, already knowing the answer. He takes the coffee she brought and, without thinking, takes a drink out of it. He made a face. “You know I don’t—”

“Yes, I know you hate that blend,” she says, “but it’s the only thing that will keep you somewhat clear-headed and not so... jumpy.”

“That’s not very nice, to deprive me of my caffeine,” he notes, “but thank you, anyway.” He set the coffee down. Then, without considering the consequences, he announced, “I’ve been thinking, recently. Since you said you were going to say hello.”

“Yeah?” she asked, smiling some as she sat down. Y/N rain a hand through her hair, sighing. The sofa where she sat was untidy, with papers covering the surface as well as unknown-to-normal-people stains. Two different ceramic mugs, each of different colour, sat there, too. He wondered silently how she could even sit. John or Mrs Hudson would have said something about cleaning up the mess. “What?”

“Why you’re so kind to everyone. Including me,” he continued. She glares at him but doesn’t argue. He almost backpedals. “Over the years, I mean. Not recently. We haven’t even spoken, recently.”

“Go on,” she tells him slowly. He sits, taking a deep breath.

“Maybe no one has told you how warm and beautiful you are. So I thought I would tell you what has been obvious to me from the start.” He gave her a wary, almost sad smile. She blinked in surprise, her lips contorting like she had bit into a lemon. She shakes her head. What was coming from his mouth? This wasn’t what he had originally thought. In fact, it seemed to be far from the truth. Not in the sense that he had spoken a lie, but in the sense that he hadn’t told her the full truth, yet.

“I’m not beautiful, Sherlock,” she scoffed. “You really have lost your mind.”

“Or rather, I’ve lost my common sense,” he joked. Y/N didn’t seem to appreciate it. “And your answer is exactly why I wanted to tell you.”

Y/N almost protested—he could see it in her eyes—but she just nods and sighs. “Fine. Okay. Whatever you want, you bat. You don’t understand the complications with you saying that, do you, Sherly?”

How was it possible to not tell someone you care about that you would die for them? How had he never done it? He was a mentalist detective, for crying out loud!

“I know that I never told you that I...” He pressed his lips together, his voice reducing in volume. “I love you, Y/N.”

“You can’t,” she said sadly.

“I do. I was in a slump for two years, irrational for three, and I was numb entirely for four. Without you, my life has been but a mess.” He gave no smile, no eye contact, no tears. He couldn’t cry even if he wanted to right now. His hands felt quaky and his chest was hot.

“Sherlock,” she tries. “Sherlock, that’s ridiculous.”

“Maybe I’m ridiculous,” he countered. His mouth and his lips were moving much faster than his head, now, which was rarer than the feelings he was currently experiencing. “It’s the only logical explanation, no matter the chemical imbalances in my brain! Y/N, I love you!”

She huffed out a sigh, mumbling to herself, “Now he tells me. Now he tells me!” She was distraught. She didn’t say anything else. She held herself and rocked in her seat. “Sherlock, I was coming back because.. well... I’m getting married.”

Sherlock couldn’t move.

“I wanted you to be my man of honour.”

He managed a nod. He had seen the ring, now in retrospect. The manicure. Something had been wrong.

No one was quicker in terms of the mind than Sherlock Holmes.

“And we’re going to stay in Scotland.” Y/N cleared her throat and twisted the engagement ring.

He nodded again. At least she was happy.

No one was slower in terms of the heart than he.

He told her way too late.

#Sherlock Holmes #Sherlock #BBC Sherlock #sherlock x reader #sherlock x y/n #sherlock holmes x reader #sherlock holmes x y/n #gaitwae writes #gaitwae writes bbc works masterlist #requests #send me requests

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soccerbites · 4 years ago

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her and the moon, JJ Maybank

masterlist on bio

a.n: i posted this a few months back but it deleted when i deactivated my old account, so if you feel it familiar that's probably why :) english is not my first language so I'm sorry in advance for any mistake.

words count: 1,3k

warnings: alcohol, maybe a bit of swearing.

(gif not mine if it's yours please tell me so i can give you credits)

I was at John's B house and everyone else was talking about this party being held by one of the kooks that night, Y/N hadn't say a single word since the theme was brought up by Sarah and i perfectly knew why.

- "come on it would be fun" said Sarah with her arms in the air.

- "i mean, they always crash ours so why wouldn't we crash theirs?" everyone agreed with what Kiara just said, except for Y/N.

- "What do you say Y/N?" i asked because i wanted her to be comfortable and i knew this type of things were not at all her comfort zone.

- "i'll do whatever you guys do" she slightly smiled at me and i smiled back.

- "you sure?" i asked her again just to be sure even though i could see she wasn't, Y/N just nodded.

- "great" Sarah happily said.

We stayed there for like another forty minutes and then i walked Y/N to her house.

- "you know that we always can just stay out of it and watch some movies while we eat ice cream or something like that" i said as we approached her home.

- "it's ok JJ, i do not want to be the boring one" i looked at her with my left hand on my waist, "seriously, maybe it ends up being fun, who knows?" she smiled at me.

- "i swear to god, you're something else".

We said goodbye and i kept on walking until i reached my house.

I entered the house and started looking for my friends, and when i was going to give up i saw Kie laughing with Pope in the backyard, i ran towards them.

- "hey man" Pope and i did our not so secret hand shake.

- "Have you seen Y/N?" i asked waiting for them to know.

- "we arrived like twenty minutes ago and she disappeared like fifteen ago" Kie answer my question as she drank the beer left on her red plastic cup.

- "didn't you see where she went?" i really wanted to know how she was doing.

- "hey JJ what's up" John B had just arrived.

- "not much, have you seen Y/N?" i kept on asking.

- "i think i saw her going to the roof probably like five minutes ago" he pointed with one of his fingers to the metal stairs outside the house that went up.

I didn't even say thank you and went directly to the side of the house where the stairs were placed and started going up. When i arrived at the top i saw her sitting while facing the other way, knees up to her chest and her face rested on them. Her hair made waves along the fresh air of the night and i couldn't help but think about how amazingly beautiful she is. She was wearing a sky blue crop top, white loose shorts and her usual converse. I walked up to her and sat down on her side, there was a beautiful sight of the ocean and the stars and moon in front of us.

- "you were right" she said after a few seconds of just sitting there.

- "about what?" i asked while looking at how the waves crashed on the coast.

- "about coming here, i should've stayed home" i felt her gaze on me.

- "we can go if you want to" i suggested while embracing my knees as she was doing with hers.

- "nah, i like it here, you can barely hear the loud shitty music" i giggled and noticed how she shivered, i took off the red hoodie i was wearing and gave it to her, "thank you, that's very kind of you" i watched her putting the piece of clothing on.

- "i love you" i said very low but she heard me anyways.

- "what? i couldn't listen to you" Y/N said as she was placing her head inside the hood.

- "nothing" i extended my legs not giving importance to it.

- "ok you weirdo" she laughed at me and positioned her body between my legs, facing the ocean while her back and head rested on my chest.

We were in silence for some minutes, just me, her and the moon. This is what i liked about her, we could be in silence for hours and it would never get weird, every time i arrive at her house with a new bruise or cut from a fight with my dad she doesn't make any questions, she's always there and i know there's no way she'll ever judge me for anything.

- "what do you think will happen when all this high school shit is over?" she suddenly asked.

- "in what way exactly?"

- "i mean, what are you planning on do?" she turned her face a little to look at my eyes and i gazed down so i could see hers.

- "what am i planning on do?" i asked, she just nodded, "i didn't really think 'bout it, getting a job or something"

- "but, you're staying on the island right?" she sounded concerned?.

- "of course i'm staying here, i can't go anywhere else" i paused and hugged her as a cold breeze passed, "besides that, i don't want to leave the island you know, i've never gone anywhere else and i love it here".

- "me too" Y/N said.

- "i thought you were going to study at the University of Colorado? we've been talking about it the whole summer" I was surprised by what she was saying, it was pretty much the only thing she'd talked about in the last month.

- "i was" i looked down at her again, she scrunched her nose, "but then i realized that it was never my dream, i mean, before my dad brought it up it had never crossed my mind, and i don't think i like the idea of it, i've never gone out of the island too" i smiled "and i would never survive more than a week without seeing you" i hugged her again and kissed her head as we slowly swayed side to side.

- "i said something before" she nodded, i needed to tell her now that i know she's not going away, "it's something i didn't tell you in the past weeks because until know you were gonna go away in a few months and i thought it was worthless but now i'm kinda feeling like i should tell you ".

- "spit it out pretty boy" T/N said as she ran her hand through my hair, i smiled to that.

- "ok so, we've known each other since when? it feels like forever-"

- "it actually is, when we were like three years old you used to cross the street all alone and ask my mum if you could play with me, i never understood how you managed to start talking 'properly' before than i did" she laughed.

- "sshh let me finish love, and as you said i would never survive more than a week without you 'cause you're the only person that keeps me sane and can actually calm me down" i glanced at her and she was smiling, "and i know that i'm probably not the best person you'll ever meet and that you could do so much better but-" i couldn't stop talking because her lips were already on mine, they were cold but soft, we both smiled through the kiss.

- "i heard you before" she said while placing her head on my chest again and looking at me.

- "you did?" i asked, confused as why she didn't say a thing.

- "yeah" she smiled, "i just played dumb to see what would you do" i kissed her forehead.

- "so, what you say?" i asked.

- "about?" she answer back with another question.

- "about spending the rest of our lives stuck in this place" i laughed at my own words.

- "i'll actually would love to"

We were in the roof the rest of the night, making out and laughing at our own bad jokes, and even after the party ended we were still there, watching the sunrise.

I've never felt more comfortable and calm in my short life, and i have to admit that if being stuck in the island for the rest of my life is going to be like this, i would never change it for anything else.

#obx jj #jj x y/n #jj maybank #jj outer banks #jj imagine #jj one shot #obx fanfiction #obx x reader

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4aloysius-porteu · 4 years ago

Text

Tear In My Heart

pairing: kirishima eijirou x vigilante reader

wc: 1908

genre: songfic, angst, fluff

warnings: mentions of blood/injuries

tear in my heart - twenty one pilots

Kirishima

It was nighttime when I was ordered to guard in Hosu City, in patrol of villains making crimes around. Yes, I'm a certified hero now and I just finished taking down a criminal with a laser quirk, and I'm on the way to my agency to turn over him.

"That's Red Riot for you!" Tetsutetsu greeted me while the police restrained the criminal. We did their usual brofist, "You alright, bro?"

"Why woudn't I be? I'll stay here for the whole night to catch and drive the villains away."

"Anyway, Fourth Kind said you can go home now. The others and I will take over here. Get a rest, man! See you tomorrow!"

"Oh, yeah, see you!" He patted my shoulder as I left to change clothes.

Sometimes you gotta bleed to know That you're alive and have a soul

I finished changing, then I got outside and saw my friends.

"Hey, Kirishimaaaa!" Ashido and Kaminari loudly greeted.

"Hey guys! You finished in your shift? Where's Sero and Bakugou?" I asked.

"Yep! They're on the morning shift now so we won't we seeing them in this month," Ashido replied.

"Dude, your Hero name is so famous around these areas! You sure are close with people after you rescue them, I'm envious!" Kaminari said.

"Don't be, Kaminari. Maybe someday you'll get known too."

"I hope so."

But it takes someone to come around, To show you how

After a litte chitchat they bid a goodbye and I got inside my car and drove it in a moderate speed. When I stopped in the red light, I remembered something important. I haven't texted hy girlfriend for the whole time!

She's the tear in my heart, I'm alive She's the tear in my heart, I'm on fire

Crap, I hope she's not mad at me!

I grabbed my phone and my fingers typed quickly, apologizing for not talking with her. She didn't reply, which made me more worried. I sighed and continued driving.

She's the tear in my heart, Take me higher, than I've ever been

Few minutes later, I still didn't get a reply. Maybe she's really angry, so I made my way to her apartment. While driving, I smiled when I suddenly remembered the first time we met. It was a year ago, in my first hero job.

A car accidentally crashed on her while she was crossing a road, severely injuring her leg. I was on the patrol so I rushed to rescue her. I took her to the hospital and visited her everyday till she gained conciousness. And when she did, God knows how I was caught in her beauty.

The songs on the radio are okay But my taste in music is your face

Since her parents were already gone and her older brother was working overseas, I was the one who took care of her, other than the hospital nurse. We soon got closer and talked with deeper topics, like our chilhood, families, and random experiences. It was really fun to be with her.

When she got better and was able to get out of the hospital, we exchanged numbers, and texted almost every hour.

But it takes a song to come around, To show you how

I also took her on a lot of dates, before we admitted our feelings to each other and her and I became 'we'.

I was taken back to the reality by my phone beeping. At last, she replied! Although, her text is just composed of a location that was 2 blocks away from me. I decided to go since I trust her and I think she's already there.

She's the tear in my heart, I'm alive

I drove on the way but all I found was a dark alley. It was very quiet and shady, why would my girlfriend lead me here? I walked inside, but I came up with my fighting stance in case something bad happens.

"Hello? (Y/N)? Are you here?" I called.

She's the tear in my heart, I'm on fire

No response. I continued to walked, until a figure showed up above me. I fought to restrain it, but I feel like its fighting back so desperately, so I decided to back off a bit and let it pin me on the ground.

She's the tear in my heart, Take me higher, than I've ever been

It was panting hard, but still managed to restrain my wrists. I looked at its face, and when the light of the moon showed up, I instantly recognized her face.

Than I've ever been...

"K-Kirishima?" She weakly said.

"(Y/N)!" She let go of my wrists as I got up and held her in my arms, "Are you okay? Hey!"

Than I've ever been...

"I think I'm alright... but I'm glad you came."

"What happened?"

Than I've ever been...

"K-Kirishima... I'm tired. I-I can tell you when we get to your place..."

I quickly carried her to my car and laid her down for her to rest. Now, I noticed that she has wounds and bruises on her arms, and her stomach has a blood stain. I have a hunch on what happened, but I'll ask it to her later.

You fell asleep in my car, I drove the whole time But that's okay I'll just avoid the holes So you'll sleep fine

I started to drive, but the road holes makes it hard to drive properly. (Y/N) might wake up because of my recklessness, so I decided to drive slowly.

I'm driving here I sit, Cursing my government For not using my taxes To fill the holes with more cement

I observed her sleeping figure at peace before taking my focus on the road. There's a lot of road holes, I wondered where it came from, since its still fine when I passed here. Maybe its the villians' or hero's battle fault.

You fell asleep in my car, I drove the whole time But that's okay I'll just avoid the holes So you'll sleep fine

I'm driving here I sit, Cursing my government For not using my taxes To fill the holes with more cement

When I reached my house, I parked my car in my garage and carried her out of the car then inside. I laid her on the bed and get a medical kit to treat her wounds. It wasn't too deep or serious, but its many. I raised her shirt, but first I promised not to do inappropriate things, and proceeded on treating on a medium sized cut on her stomach.

Sometimes you gotta need to know That you're alive and have a soul

I covered her wounds and cuts with a clean gauze and band aids, and that's when she woke up.

"Oh, sorry to wake you up, (Y/N). You can go to sleep now. I treated your wounds now, don't worry."

I was about to stand up and get her a blanket, but she pulled me back and hugged me from behind.

But it takes someone to come around, To show you how

"(Y/N)? Is there something wrong?"

She muttered, "Stay..."

I did what she said and sat beside the bed. I sighed and asked her again.

"You're still continuing your vigilante activities, aren't you?"

She's the tear in my heart, I'm alive She's the tear in my heart, I'm on fire

"Yes."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Yes."

She's the tear in my heart, Take me higher, than I've ever been

"I'm sorry for not texting you for the whole day, but (Y/N), I told you to stay out of danger! We've been through a lot of arguments here! First off, there are strong villains scattered everywhere, and second, you don't have a Hero License, so the authorities can arrest you when they caught you! You're between the two parties, and when you mess up, none of those sides will help and rescue you!"

A sound of a slap echoed through the room.

My heart, is my armor She's the tear in my heart

She replied, sobbing, "So are you underestimating me? Do you not believe and trust my abilities? And what do you mean that none of those two sides will help? You are on the heroes' side aren't you? Won't you come and rescue me if I'm about to get killed? Will you forget me for your commitment in the Heroes' society? God damn it, Eijirou! I'm being a hero in my own way because the society rejected my ideology and ability!"

She let go of me and cried. I felt bad for making her cry, but I just had to tell those things.

"I thought you understand me, Eijirou, but now I felt that you're just the same as the others! I hate you, Eijirou! I really hate you!"

She's a carver, She's a butcher with a smile

I moved to reach her but she slapped my hand away. That didn't stop me though, I still hugged her, even if she's struggling against my grip.

"Let go of me, Eijirou! I'm leaving now!"

Cut me farther, Than I've ever been

She beat my chest multiple times, but I refused to loosen my embrace. I held her tight and forced her against my chest, trying to stop her from moving.

"I'll never let go of you, (Y/N). You know that well."

Than I've ever been...

She ceased, but she gripped the sleeves of my shirt, tugging it and continued crying in it. I patted her hair and back.

"I just said those things because... I was worried. I don't want you getting hurt. I'm sorry for being hard on your feelings, (Y/N). I'm really sorry."

Than I've ever been...

"I-I was worried too. You didn't message me for the whole day. That wasn't your habit, so I went out to find you but I messed with some villains who was breaking in the bank in my way." She managed to say between sobs.

Oh, than I've ever been...

I kissed her forehead, "I'm glad you're safe."

"But Eijirou... about earlier. Aren't you going to come to me when you're stuck in your hero work and I'm in terrible danger? Please, answer me honestly."

My heart, is my armor She's the tear in my heart

"Of course not. I promise with all my heart that you'll be my first priority. I know I'm the only one, and once I'm not around you anymore, promise me to take care of yourself, okay?"

You turned away, "Don't say that. It scares me."

"Just do it."

"I promise not to make a fuss and take care of myself when Kirishima Eijirou is not around anymore."

She's the tear in my heart, She's a carver

"I hope that time won't come." She mumbled.

I held a stray strand of her hair and tucked it beside her ear, then placed my hand on her cheek, "You're so beautiful, (Y/N). I can never think of losing you."

She's a butcher with a smile, Cut me farther,

"I love you, (Y/N)."

"I love you too, Eijirou."

Than I've ever been.

I leaned in and gave her the most passionate kiss I can give, and at that time, I feel very happy and secured with her. I could tell she feels the same because tears stopped flowing from her eyes.

Loving makes you feel alive, after all.

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prophet-of-booba-lady · 3 years ago

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Heyyy bestieeee! I saw you opened up match-ups for other fandoms and I could not resist like.......P L E A S E! So could I possibly have a Twilight and a Marvel match-up pleeeaasee? Also i'd be happy to give you a match-up for those too since your doing some for me! Anyways tysm in advance and as always I hope you wonderful day/night!!! :D

Zodiac sign: Leo sun, Aries moon, Leo rising

Personality Type: ENTP

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Straight (For now might be bi but i'm going with straight)

I'm 5'4 and I have a very tiny body frame so i'm extremely petite and pretty small. I'm not very curvy and I literally have the body of a cereal box...lol but its fine because I have nice hips and thighs. I have thick brown hair that goes down to my back and it gets tangled pretty easily but its kinda fluffy. I have brown eyes and tiny freckles all over my face and body. I also have a very strong grunge style, like Flannels, band t-shirts, combat boots, leather jackets etc. But i'd also always enjoy a nice oversized sweatshirt or hoodie with a pair of skinny, ripped jeans and some converses or something along those lines.For my personality.....this is where things get interesting. At first people find me very intimidating due to my resting bitch face and cold exterior but I promise i'm not like that ALL the time. When you get to know me, i'm goofy and about everything that comes out of my mouth is sarcasm or some dry humored joke. I'm also that one friend in a group where they literally will do the stupidest shit ever like for an example one time it was super dark outside and my other friend was there, while I was trying to climb a tree and I failed and fell out of the tree, and landed on my back. I got straight up after that somehow it didn't hurt.....like at all? But yeah i'm super reckless and sometimes people have to save me from myself if you get what I mean. I also have a very strong "I don't give a fuck" attitude and I will not hesitate to stick up for myself or my friends....like i'm the type of person where if someone glares at me, i'll glare right back.I have bad anxiety and I can be very self destructive. This is where my feisty, stubborn, hardheaded side comes in. If I want something then i'll fight for it even if it hurts me and i'll get into a bad cycle of putting myself down and trying to do better even if I did great the first time but I always push myself too far and other people have to stop me because I usually can't see it when its happening. I also cover my emotions up and I have a lot of trouble talking about whats bothering me or what problems i'm having emotionally so I put up a wall and I act tough, or happy and sometimes i'll be the exact opposite but I try to hide it.

Weird things about me: I've grown up in the south all my life so sometimes when I talk a few words they'll come out sounding WAYYY more country and southern then I wanted, I don't have an accent but sometimes my words just come out that way. I also love the smell of cigarette smoke....let me explain. When I was a kid my parents smoked a lot and I was used to smelling it and now it reminds me of home and is sort of comforting. Sometimes in the middle of the night you can find me just staring at a wall or something because I can't go to sleep.....I have trouble sleeping.....

Things I like: I love swimming (I was on a swim team for about 9 years), I love horror movies, I like rain and the sounds of thunderstorms because its calming to me, I also love the smell of rain, I like cloudy days, cooking, listening to 80's and 90's rock but mainly 90's because 90's is the best, My favorite bands are Bush, Audioslave, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Linkoln Park, Pearl jam but i'm pretty open to anything.

Things I dislike: Spiders.......I will scream if I see a spider.

For twilight I pair you with.....

Paul Lahote

I feel like both of you would have a chaotic fun time. I feel like Paul is the Himbo of the Wolf pack. He would 100% take you on a ride through the forest on his back while he's a wolf. The man would absolutely make fun of your height though. I feel like that's a constant with Paul is he makes jokes with people he likes and will absolutely rip people he doesn't like apart with words. He can and will argue with a Karen in a parking lot for you. Cook for him he will love you for life. Be besties with Leah, you guys would be a power duo on the kitchen.

For marvel I match you with......

Loki or Wade Wilson (and Bestie Wanda since you are questioning 💖)

Loki is the god of mischief but also I feel like you would center him huge ass ego. He is 100% scared of you getting hurt and will do anything to keep you safe. He will 100% take you to the beach, as long as you are happy he is happy. He likes to pamper you and likes to make illusions of rain for you so you can experience it when ever you want.

Wade Wilson/ Deadpool would be like Paul in the sense of chaos. The man however brings danger your way a L O T. He loves your taste in music but will tease you over it. He also teases you about spiders. If you scream about a spider and point he will also scream and point and freak out before laughing and dealing with it. The man means well though. He will take you to actual pools for you to swim, like professionally in if you want. He will absolutely cheer you on from the side lines.

Bestie Wanda appreciates you a lot since she feels likes she loses everyone close to her. She can and will manipulate things at will for you so that you are happy. She can and will use her powers to do things around the house so you don't have to stress about cleaning. Bestie Wanda will risk life and limb for your safety.

Sorry that the marvel ones are a bit short (I've only seen a few movies (for each of the avengers and a few avengers movies as well as deadpool (which now that I think of it he would have made a really good match too... 👀) (enough to know about the characters personalities :3) also I will 100 be hitting you up for match ups tomorrow, so keep an eye out 👀👀 ily bestie!!

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b-rainlet · 4 years ago

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Just want to say I love your blog. Your TUA content is lovely and I can't say what a breath of fresh air it is to find another Luther champion. The fandoms treatment of him, istg, some of the most ludacris nonsense I've ever had to read. Especially love how you point out he's ALWAYS been so sweet and selfless when it comes to Allison and her personal happiness. Anyway I saw you say you seem confident alluther will actually happen. I sure hope so, but why do you figure? The antis are so loud.

Awwwww, thank you anon, you’re so sweet! Yeah, this blog is on 24/7 loving Luther lockdown! I feel like the antis are easing up a little bit after S2 aired because most of Luther’s scenes were used as comedic relief and the faves he was clashing with (Diego and Vanya) seem to have a better relationship with him now, so it’s not as bad anymore, but I have to admit I never ever go into the main tag so I can’t be 100% sure.

Maybe you should try looking through the ‘Luther Protection Squad’ tag to find some more like-minded people? I swear there are more of us out there!

But to come to the Alluther question:

I know that the antis are loud and I’ve noticed that most of them have counted S2 as a win for them, talking about how Allison ‘moved on’ and how Alluther won’t happen but I disagree (and I will now launch into a rambly post about why lmao).

WARNING: CONTAINS S2 SALT. PROCEED WITH CAUTION

All of this is based on the assumption though that they will be somewhat consistent in their writing regarding Alluther and S2 taught me that that isn’t very likely, so maybe I’m completely wrong and Alluther will never ever be mentioned in S3, but based on what happened so far, I could see them as an endgame couple.

I mean in S1 they were a pretty big plot point so I don’t think I have to say anything about that but even though the Alluther scenes have been toned down in S2 they were there.

Let’s see what antis would say about why Alluther won’t happen:

Allison is married

And? Allison has been married before and still mentioned comparing every man she ever loved/dated to Luther. Allison has been married and she has had a kid with another guy and still Alluther was going strong.

Not to mention that the end of this season has made it very clear we won’t see Raymond again.

Raymond (and Sissy) are temporary love interests for this particular season and both of them cannot leave their timeline without majorly fucking things up - at least according to Five, but the whole timetravel rules can change at the drop of a hat - but more importantly, both of them had a talk with their respective lovers about wanting to stay in their timeline.

So unless Allison will return to the 60s (which doesn’t seem likely tbh), Raymond is gone for good.

Raymond was her true love tho! Like Klave!

I don’t think antis actually word it like this but I’ve noticed how all of them hopped onto the Almond train immediately and keep gushing about how good and cute they are and that’s great! You can ship what you wanna ship! But I think a lot of the love for this ship has to do with how it prevents Alluther from happening. If Allison is deeply in love with this wholesome man, she can’t ever like her brother.

But tbh….I didn’t buy Almond. For two people who are happily married they crumble and burn awfully fast.

And tbh, I was thinking about making a post about this so I’m gonna add this rant here but I just wanna preface this with the fact that I don’t hate them and I don’t hate people who ship them, I’m just….using this opportunity to poke some hole into their relationship.

I think it would’ve been more believable if Raymond and Allison would be in the early stages of dating while all of S2 goes down. Think about it.

They are married? After one year? I mean, as far as I know, Allison has been in the 60s for about two years - since Luther was the first one who arrived and he spent 3 years there??? But I am not fact-checking this, so correct me if I’m wrong - so she had time to get used to being there, adjust to having no voice, meet Raymond, fall in love with him and get married to him.

And considering she could already talk again it must’ve have been a while before she started talking to/dating Raymond? I don’t think a wound like that wouldn’t take a while to heal but with this show’s consistency, maybe it did.

I was actually hoping Allison would stay mute for a while longer but alas

So, they got married pretty fast imo, and you could argue that it’s the 60s but

Allison isn’t from the 60s

Allison just got out of a bad marriage. There’s like, a year?? maybe?? between her first marriage and her second one and tbh, I don’t think Allison would get married again so fast, tying herself to someone again almost immediately, especially if you consider what getting married in the 60s means for a woman and her personal freedom (it’s hinted at with Sissy but not with Allison and even though Raymond was probably a good husband who let her have her freedom and her say in things - as we can see with their movement - it’s still the 60s. Women couldn’t earn their own money. They couldn’t even spend any money without having to ask their husband. They were basically property of their husband and I can’t believe Allison would immediately jump back into being married, no matter how nice and good the guy is).

“That just means it’s true love! That’s why their marriage may seem rushed!”

Yeah true love. I also keep secrets from my true love.

I mean, I understand that Allison couldn’t start talking about time travel or Raymond would’ve started thinking she’s crazy or something - and maybe would’ve sent her to a mental institution as is his right as a husband, so good idea getting married! - but she didn’t mention stuff like “I had a child.” or “I lost my family.” either and those are vague enough to not raise questions.

I mean, she could’ve lied! She could’ve said Claire is dead, which considering the apocalypse was what they were escaping is true!

She could’ve talked about how she had a family, but they kinda lost each other - maybe talking about how they all moved away and she doesn’t know where they are now, even though she misses them terribly.

I mean, I simply can’t believe that she had to grief for her own child all on her own and she didn’t even tell her husband (and she couldn’t even properly be sad about it since Raymond and her lived together, so she probably didn’t have many moments where she could think about the future and the things she lost without the possibility of being walked in on).

And how much it would’ve meant if there would’ve been a scene of her crying over Claire when she thinks she’s alone, but alas.

Then there’s also the whole added drama to their relationship. Which was btw, so unnecessary.

@showwriters: Why do you establish a relationship you obviously want to be viewed as full of love and instead of letting it be the steady rock the character can lean on during all the already ongoing chaos, you add drama to it and let it fall apart as a side plot which immensely suffers from not being shown/explored enough.

I mean, we already have relationship drama with Vanya/Sissy and that relationship feels more natural because their obstacles are outside forces and not...one of them distrusting the other.

You know, I get why Raymond is suspicious, I totally do! I just don’t think it makes the relationship believable.

Once again, if they would’ve been in the early stages of dating and suddenly Allison’s weird brothers appear and she seems to be in cahoots with the cops, I would also think ‘???’ and it would’ve made perfect sense for Raymond to be confused and distrustful and not want to talk to Allison.

But they’re married. They’re married and they vowed to love each other in sickness and in health and yet Raymond immediately jumps to ‘Allison is a spy’.

The woman you love enough to marry. That’s your first thought. Okay.

(And if you wanna compare that to Vissy...Vanya suddenly drives off in the night to meet her family and disappears for a while and she apparently did something to Harlan and now he’s behaving weirdly and has powers….and she’s talking about taking Sissy and him to the future…..and yet….Sissy trusted Vanya).

And tbh, I was done with their whole relationship the moment Allison spent the whole night calling every single hospital, trying to find out whether her husband was in one of them - was even alive - in tears and close to breaking down because the last time she saw him they were both involved in a riot and the possibility of him being in jail or hurt is very high only to find out…..

…..he had a meeting with their group without telling her because he doesn’t trust her.

And what? He couldn’t have called her to at least tell her he’s okay and he’s gonna stay somewhere else overnight because shady shit did just go down that they need to discuss but he wants to be alone for now? That’s the bare minimum and yet he doesn’t do that. He doesn’t even call to make sure she is okay since running away doesn’t mean she couldn’t have accidentally been dragged into a brawl and hurt.

Once again: They are married.

So tbh, all I got from this relationship is the feeling that Allison simply didn’t wanna be alone in this new timeline and that isn’t an explicit point against Alluther.

Okay, but….Allison moved on! So she still won’t get with Luther!

Did she? Did she really? I don’t think so. I mean, one of the first things we get from Allison aside from ‘She’s married’ is ‘She looks at the moon so often, her husband notices and gets her a book related to that’.

That’s one of the most blatant ways they could’ve said: ‘She misses Luther.’

And Luther only. Not the whole family, Luther. If they wanted to somehow make this platonic or familial, they wouldn’t have taken the character she is canonly interested in romantically (which she is and has been since S1, no matter what antis say).

I mean, if they only wanted to show ‘She misses her family’ they could’ve added a scene where she listens to the kid next door playing the violin or sees a boy in schoolboy shorts or maybe mistakes someone for Diego or whatever, endless possibilities. But they didn’t.

They made it very clear she misses Luther and I don’t think she had a scene that shows her missing any of her other siblings in such a way (which is btw paralleled by the scene where Luther mistakes someone for Allison, which is also the only scene where he’s shown thinking about one of his siblings to the point he thinks he sees them - as far as I remember).

But that’s probably only a coincidence, right?

Then there’s them meeting for the first time. I mean, they hug and the rest of the world disappears.

They took the time to shoot/cut this scene in a way that, when Allison and Luther hug after years of not seeing each other, everyone else isn’t in the shot anymore and it’s just them. Because they tried to make this as platonic as possible.

(In comparison, Allison and Diego don’t even hug. And Klaus and Allison do hug and it’s a happy moment but there is no romantic music and it’s more focused on them being happy to see each other and not framed as a romantic scene. I mean, I have no clue regarding things like ‘motifs’ and ‘scenery’ but just watch those two hug scenes back to back and you know what I mean).

Then the scene proceeds and they talk and sit down and Luther mentions her marriage and Allison tries to apologize.

Just think about that. She doesn’t outright apologize but she does try to explain why she got married by saying how hard it was and is only stopped by Luther telling her he’s glad she wasn’t alone.

How….how can you read that as a platonic convo between brother and sister? Just replace Luther with Klaus. Why would she feel the need to explain herself and seems guilty about being married? Is it because it implies she gave up on finding her family? If so, that would be her reaction with every sibling but she is explicitly like this with Luther. She tells Klaus she’s married too, and in that scene it’s definitely a ‘siblings catching up’ moment and it’s a happy moment and she doesn’t seem apologetic about being married.

She is with Luther.

Because they both know that there’s something between them and has been for a long time, to the point that Allison is visibly jealous when Luther has other relationships (his one-night-stand in S1) and this is the second time Allison has turned towards another man instead of waiting for Luther. And that’s why she tries to apologize. That’s why she tries to explain that she couldn’t know whether they - whether Luther - would ever show up, so she tried her best to move on - but she didn’t really, hence the moon scene.

(This is also the scene where Luther could’ve been angry with her - and she probably would’ve thought he’s in the right - since during the days leading up to the apocalypse it seemed like they were slowly working towards being together - even if the kiss never happened, there’s still the phone booth scene which is basically Luther confessing his feelings - and now she once again leaves him standing alone, waiting for her to possibly return to him.

But he isn’t, he just tells her he’s glad that she wasn’t alone. Because he is the actual embodiment of a gentleman and this world doesn’t deserve him).

And this is just what I remember from watching the season once and then not really engaging with it, I can’t understand how antis can see those scenes and come to entirely different conclusions. But I guess, you really only see what you wanna see, huh?

But, but…...Incest is disguting! Even their siblings think so!

They don’t. They really don’t. There’s a gifset on tumblr somewhere compiling the scenes in S1 that show how chill the sibs are with Alluther, but let’s disregard those and just focus on S2 since they changed up a lot from the prior season and antis seem to think S2 was them finally saying ‘No Alluther’.

I guess there’s the hair salon scene where Vanya, Klaus and Allison talk about relationships and Klaus lightly teases Allison for liking Luther.

Now, he mentions Allison crushing on their brother in the same sentence where he talks about Vanya and her ‘Farmfrau’ and unless I missed it, he doesn’t change his voice. He doesn’t suddenly sound completely disgusted, or like he wants to vomit or whatever people think, so either, he thinks Vissy is as ‘disgusting’ as Alluther, or, he thinks both are simply relationships his sibs are interested in pursuing and he teases them about them like a sibling may do.

And then you have Allison’s reaction.

She doesn’t go: ‘Oh yeah, that was gross, what was I thinking’, she doesn’t make a face or disgusted noises or what, no, she tries to defend herself and her feelings.

Which tells us:

Despite popular belief to disregard Allison’s say in the Alluther relationship, she wants the relationship and she is obvious enough about it their siblings know (and Klaus makes it a point to say ‘Allison is into Luther’ and not ‘Luther likes Allison and Allison tolerates it).

Alluther is brought up while they talk about current relationships, implying Allison still feels this way (especially because the way she reacts doesn’t make it seem like it’s a long over relationship with no longer relevant feelings. But again, I watched the season once and I don’t remember everything that was said. I think this is telling enough though).

So..tell me again how everyone thinks Alluther is disgusting?

By now anon is thinking: ‘What is the point of all this rambling?’

And yeah, I am sorry for going way too into detail but I just wanted to make it clear that if the writers were intend on killing Alluther off in S2 - like antis believe - then everything I just mentioned wouldn’t have happened.

(And that’s without even mentioning the cpr scene).

Alluther did get reduced but it didn’t vanish even though they decided to completely erase other things (like Claire and Eudora who are barely or not at all mentioned or things like Kliego being very close).

This would’ve been the best opportunity! They re-meet in the 60s and Allison is happily married and takes the time to tell Luther he should move on. Or both are single and Luther tries to ask where they’re standing and whether she would like to try with him and she goes ‘This would be a mistake’ and that’s it.

(I am making Allison the one who ends things because it would be ooc for Luther to just end the possible relationship after waiting for Allison for years and there needs to be some consistency even in the mess that was S2).

But! This didn’t happen!

Alluther is more or less back where it was in S1. Allison isn’t in a relationship anymore and won’t get back with the guy and Luther loves her no matter what. And the cheek kiss seems to leave them both on a hopeful note of finally getting together.

So unless they use S3 to once again redo the show, it feels like Alluther is set up to be endgame. Like, I am getting ‘star-crossed lovers’ vibes where you’re just waiting for them to finally get together - because they just belong - but things keep getting in the way.

You could compare it Diego/Lila in that regard, I think it’s pretty obvious those two are gonna end up together too.

I have another ask about how they could get together, where I will definitely ramble more, but this shall be it for now. I hope it was halfway consistent. (And doesn’t have too many typos, I’m too lazy to check).

Also the formatting is shit but idc, I spent like two hours on this

#Alluther #tua s2 spoilers #anti tua s2 #Long post

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colour-outside-the-liness · 3 years ago

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Oh Disneyland Paris sounds fun yeah! Were you and your roommate already close then? I went to Walt Disney's world with my aunt and cousin when I was like 11 but it would've been way more fun if I could've taken my best friend with me for sure. Maybe we can go to the one in Paris now that she lives just 3h away from me! Oh I see, sounds like LA was really fun for you yeah! your roommate didn't mind third wheeling tho? Hahaha

Yeah Canada is beautiful but what I liked about it the most was the massive improvement in quality of life I had compared to where I was living before and just being able to be who I am and people accepting me for it. Not being worried about violence 24/7 felt pretty fucking great too. So yeah I highly recommend living there if you ever get a chance. But I am loving Portugal so far, people are a bit more judgemental here tho but I like that it's easier to travel to a lot of countries I've always wanted to go to. Everywhere you go there are pros and cons tho so sorting out priorities is key. But Toronto is my favourite of all the places I've been, before living there for a year I had already been two times!

Jesus 50 states, sometimes I forget how big the US is. And you can totally do it if you plan it out! After watching Bly Manor tho I really want to go to Vermont especially during autumn season looks really pretty! There's this fic I love (only the sun by prestonarchives) where Dani and Jamie go on a road trip from Vermont to Maine and I did their entire journey on Google maps street view bc I was so obsessed with this one chapter fanfic I had to immerse myself entirety in it hahaha. So now I want to go there irl. Here's the link if you haven't read it before!

https://bit.ly/3BLy4WR

Omg I totally remember reading that on CBML and being a bit confused bc I was like why would she think you can't see the moon from the great wall of China HAHAHA but I thought it was really funny and endearing yeah it's even funnier now that I know you said it irl haha.

Oh so ENFP-T means extraverted, intuitive, feeling and prospecting personality with a bit of turbulence. Which just means you're curious, perceptive, enthusiastic, an excellent communicator, festive and good-natured. On the other hand you can be disorganized, unfucosed, a people pleaser, overcommitted, too optimistic and restless.

I wonder what Jamies and Danis mbti are as well as their zodiac signs 🤔 I think Jamie might be an ISTP-A bc she's definitely an introvert, very practical, stubborn, assertive, layed back and energetic at the same time. And Dani is either an ENFP-T like you or an ESFJ-T with the whole selfless thing going on.

AE already made it canon that Jamie's an aries (and it makes sense) but I can't figure Dani out. I've thought about her being a leo ♌ bc she's generous, passionate, warm-harted and dominant in her own way and THE HAIR haha. But she's got some pisces ♓ vibes going on too...idk. aaand I'm back at it again with the astrology signs haha.

To be fair your recent drunken exp it was dark and at least you didn't think the road sign was a bear or something (don't know what kind of wild animals you've got over there) that you wrestled with and ended up in a ditch and your best friend let you believe that happened for 3 years up until recently haha. 😂 but yeah some things happen for a reason, having life threatening health issues doesn't sound great tho, but I guess it's a good thing it stops you from drinking too much and making dumb decisions. And hey maybe I secretly want that to happen again idk maybe moving countries is not exciting enough, I have to go out and make a complete drunken fool out of myself in a completely foreign place hahaha. I guess that did kinda happen last month when my best friend came to visit me from Spain and we got drunk on wine, I got lost on the way back home and it was way past curfew. 🤔 shit I'm 29 will I ever learn...

Episode 9 is 😢😍🥰😰😭🤬☠️ just the worst roller-coaster I didn't even know I was on. Haha I was more pissed off than heartbroken the first time I watched it ngl.

Well then maybe the way you do accents is friendly and funny so people can't really get mad at you haha. Like Dani! Oh so that's called a Geordie accent! I see, it's really really cool. AE said Jamie is from Lancashire but that's a whole county isn't it? Idk if there's a specific accent to this region. Knowing you speak kinda like Jamie is something else tho, I think if anyone who spoke like her ever talked to me irl I wouldn't be able to pay attention to what they were saying 😂 just the accent haha.

Oh so you already have 4k something words for it nice. I'm kinda starting to feel an obsession with this medieval AU growing in me, I made a Pinterest board just for it ngl hahaha but I'm still resisting creating anything for it, I did a face study yesterday for Dani and Jamie to see if I finally pick up the idea and just do it but my brain was still like "I don't want to do this rn" and was just being a little bitch about it so I'll just let it cook for longer see if we can reach an agreement eventually (if ever) haha.

Glad to hear you had a good weekend! Even if it left you feeling exhausted in the end. And yeah it makes sense for you to say you don't have favourites haha! Have a great week Colour, take care! 👋✨

Yeah me and my roommate have been friends since we were like 14 so when we went to Disney Land we asked if we could be roomed together because we've been best friends for that long now... been best friends since school and now we live together. She's seen me at my best, my worst, has seen me in all my stages in life and has been there for a lot of the rough stuff I've been through and I've been there for all the stuff she's been through!! Nah she didn't mind at all we had some moments where me and my ex would just go and be a couple and have dates but my ex didn't want me travelling that far alone so invited my roommate too because she didn't like the thought of me flying 11hours alone or being in airports alone so my roommate came with me and we had a great time Awwh good I'm glad it was such a nice place and that you didn't worry about violence all the time but I'm so sorry you ever had to worry about that anyway that can't be easy. I would honestly love to live in Canada I really hope I get chance one day... I'm glad you're loving Portugal but sorry people are judgemental there but I am glad it's easy for you to travel around to other places... oh yeah every place has it's pros and cons I mean England has some pros but it sure has a lot of cons too so I know all about that Yeah America is SO big but I do want to get around all 50 states at some point and I am stubborn enough and determined enough to make it happen eventually even if I don't get around them all until I'm like 70 I'll make it happen haha!! No I haven't read that fic but it sounds amazing so I'll definitely check it out thank you for sending me the link Yeah... that really happened to me and it was just a dumb moment where I had this momentary lapse of knowledge in my brain and now I look back at that question and I'm just like... "you idiot" and this is why people are shocked when I get questions in quizzes right because I have said some really dumb stuff but I'm glad people found it funny and endearing... and I'm glad it makes it better to know I really said that haha Oooo I didn't know that, I like that and I think it's definitely fitting for me!! I think from what you've said about what ENFP-T means Dani could easily be that too and I don't know anything about the other one but I will take your word for it matching Dani because you know way more about this stuff than I do. I have no idea for Jamie though. And with zodiac signs I love that Amelia looked at Jamie and thought she was an Aries, as for Dani I have NO idea what her zodiac would be... in CBML she's a Leo but in MoU with what I have planned for her birthday she'd be a virgo but I don't know anything about zodiacs... all I know is all the pieces I've ever met have been the opposite of what Dani is so maybe that has something to do with their whole charts but I know a lot of other people always make her a Pieces and I trust what other people say about zodiacs more than what I know about them because I really know NOTHING about them haha Nah I knew it was a road sign because of how heavy and hard it was- nah we have no bears where I live... I don't think we have many dangerous animals where I live... got a couple of badgers that can be pretty aggressive but that's about it we don't have much that is scary here or at least not in the little part of England I live. Having life threatening health issues has been hard and since having my spleen removed in January (that was the surgery I needed to try and fix the issue I had) things are even harder now because I have to take antibiotics for the rest of my life to stop me getting any infections because if I ever get a chest infection now or a really bad cold it can be really dangerous but I take it all in my stride and not drinking is just a way to make sure the antibiotics actually work properly and to make sure nothing happens to me... and like you said, means I don't do anything dumb too... haha drunken stories are the best I have been lost a few times when I've been drunk... and I don't think you do learn, I have siblings that are

like 40 and still do dumb shit... I know at 27 I am still doing dumb shit too I don't think I'll ever learn haha 😂 Its such an emotional roller coaster and honestly I was just devastated the first time I watched it... no TV show or movie has ever made me cry the way Bly Manor did when I first saw it and it still makes me cry now. I can cry just thinking about that last episode. I definitely mean it in a friendly way so I hope it comes across like that. Yeah the accent in Billy Elliot is a Geordie accent and its my favourite accent there are other accents around the north that are called different things. Yeah Lancashire is a county and again in Lancashire there are loads of different accents I can't really pinpoint Jamie's down to a city I just know it's Northern. I'm from Yorkshire but don't have a strong Yorkshire accent I just have a Northern accent, like people never believe I'm from the place I'm from because I don't sound like I am but you can definitely tell I'm northern... honestly there are so many accents in England... you can drive for two hours in any direction in England and the accent will change like two times at least it's insane... see a lot of people say that but I am not a HUGE fan of the northern accent and I think it's because I grew up there. I much prefer Dani's accent to Jamie's but like I said to me, Jamie just talks normal there is no accent really haha Yeah 4k words for it but it's all jumbled up it's not like a chronological story yet it's just all over the place haha but I hope I can get it all structured properly soon!! Awwh good I'm glad you're already interested in this medieval AU!! That makes sense you're resisting creating for it but I think it's so cool you did a face study for Dani and Jamie even if you didn't wanna finish it I think letting things cook for a while is always a good idea if you're not in the right headspace right away I had such a good weekend but I am so tired and today I had a busy day too celebrating my roommate's boyfriend's birthday so I've had so many days that have been so busy and right now I am just really to sleep haha!! Yeah definitely don't have favourites but I have spent more time with one of my nieces than the others simply because I always look after her if her mum and dad are working and I'm not... like until I start this new job I am looking after her for an hour every day after school while she waits for her mum and dad to finish work but I don't have favourites haha!! Thank you so much I hope you had a great weekend and that you have a great week too!!

#lib3rtin33

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carrotsofavonlea · 5 years ago

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Hiii if the prompts are open could I ask you to write something? I've always wondered what would have happened if Winnifred wouldn't have gone to the fair since Anne was ready to tell Gilbert her feelings... so I'd love if you could write that scenario! It's always if you can't and thank you*_*

/////

Anne couldn't stop thinking about the fortune teller. She'd been told about her destiny, something she needed to know about since the dance practice at school. Feelings had been felt... confusing feelings. And how was she supposed to know if they were worth having or if she was just going to hurt herself?

He'd be a good dancer….That didn't mean it was certainly Gilbert. Plenty of men could dance, and it wasn't as if Gilbert was the best dancer in the world. But that day was one she couldn't forget about. How he had looked at her, how it had felt when their hands touched. Maybe...maybe he was her destiny.

She'd seen him around the fair with Bash and Dellie, but she'd been too scared to go up to him. What was she supposed to even say? So instead she spent time with Matthew and Marilla.

But he couldn't be avoided forever. When they formed the circles for the Dashing White Sergeant, he had ended up opposite her once again. Just like the first time, his eyes didn't seem to leave hers when they were dancing. She couldn't hold his gaze, not when she had the words of the fortune teller distracting her.

Was he a good dancer? His eyes do follow hers. What else did she say? Handsome? Of course he is but-

Anne was caught up in her thoughts when she suddenly bumped into someone, tripping over. She felt her ankle wobble in a way that it shouldn't have, and searing pain ran through it.

The dance stopped when Anne fell, but before she could register what was happening, Gilbert was by her side.

"Is it your ankle?" He knelt down, his hand hovering by her boot. Hesitantly his hand lightly touched her ankle and she winced in pain. "I think you've sprained it. Nothing serious but you'll need to rest for a few days at least."

Matthew came rushing up, helping Gilbert get Anne to her feet. They ushered her off the dance floor so the music could continue. She was seated at the edge of the dance, watching everyone else have fun while Gilbert continued to look at her ankle.

She could have sworn his cheeks grew a little pink as he cautiously took of her boot and stocking to have a better look at her ankle. She herself felt awkward, but he was merely doing his duty as a doctor in training.

"Yeah, you've definitely sprained it. We should get you home." He stood up, dusting himself off.

"I don't want Marilla and Matthew to have to leave early because of me."

"Fiddlesticks." Marilla said, "I'd rather see you home safe."

"I can escort Anne home." Gilbert suggested, "if that's alright of course. I wasn't having much fun anyway but it seems like Bash is." He glanced over to where Bash was bouncing Dellie up and down to the music, Miss Stacy talking to him. "He doesn't get to do this often. I'm worried if I leave people will see it as a chance to be rude, but if he had friends here to keep the peace?"

Matthew opened his mouth to say something about wanting to go home too but Marilla beat him to it. "If you're sure. We'd be very grateful if you could get Anne home safe. We'll take Bash and Delphine home later."

Gilbert nodded, moving to wrap and arm around Anne to help her up but Matthew did it for him.

"I'll carry her to your cart."

Gilbert stepped back, his face falling ever so slightly as if he was disappointed. But no one saw it, except Anne.

///

The ride back from the fair was mostly silent, with Gilbert interrupting only to instruct the horses. Anne fumbled with her hands, unsure what to do. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity, when else would she be alone with a boy on a moonlit carriage ride?

"I thought you were supposed to be a good dancer." Gilbert finally broke the silence for her, chuckling softly.

"I was thinking about...stuff." she shrugged. She couldn't give away the reason for her fall was because she was thinking about how handsome he was. That would be utterly mortifying.

"Must have been very important to cause you to sprain your ankle."

Anne laughed a little, before they returned to a silence. She looked up at the moon, and then glanced back at Gilbert. He seemed unreal in the silver moonlight, his jaw almost clenched as he concentrated on driving.

"...do you believe in destiny?" It just fell out of her mouth. "Uh I mean…."

"Maybe?" He shrugged, "I guess some things can't be explained, but I also like the idea that you do have some say in how your life turns out. It means the choices you make actually matter, they mean something."

"Oh."

He smiled, looking at her out of the corner of his eye. "Is that not the answer you were looking for?"

"I like the thought that something is written in the stars. It's more romantic."

"Romantic. Right." He shifted uncomfortably at the mention and she feared she'd given away too much.

Is that how he felt? The thought of her and romance made him uncomfortable?

"Do you think that someone can be destined for you?" He was the one to bring it up this time.

She thought about it, about him. "Maybe. To have someone who is meant for you seems too good to be true. But it would certainly make me feel better about my future of being an old maid like Josie says."

"Say there is this one person you're meant to be with, how are you supposed to know?" He wouldn't take his eyes off the road ahead. "What if you make a mistake and pick the wrong girl?"

Something about the desperation in his voice made it sound like he was speaking from experience. Was she the wrong girl?

"I suppose you have to go with what your heart says. But how you know the answer I don't know."

They arrived at Green Gables, Gilbert stopping just outside the gate. He helped Anne hop up to the porch, helping her sit down in the parlour to wait until Matthew and Marilla got home.

"Gilbert I…" Anne was about to say when he got up to leave. She wanted to tell him she was talking about him earlier. That he could be her destiny. But she couldn't do it. Not yet. "Thank you."

"Anytime." He smiled, stepping back. He had his hand on the door before he stopped and said, "You know I think I do believe in destiny."

Her heart skipped a beat.

"I think it was destiny that we met. Goodnight, Anne."

Like some kind of beautiful ghost he had disappeared into the night, leaving Anne pondering over his words. But she was even more confused than when she started. Boys.

///

Gilbert spent the whole ride home thinking about Anne and Winnie. How was he supposed to know who the right girl for him was? But like Anne had said, he just had to listen to his heart. But that didn't clear anything up...

#idk how i feel about this one #oh well #i think i want to take a break from prompts as i have some ideas of my own i want to work through #shirbert #awae

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wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey · 5 years ago

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MONICA YOU LOVED MANIC TOO??!?!? I'm overjoyed because I've only spoken to one (1) other person who really loved it & I feel so relieved, somehow, that you love it since you're the BEST OF US and what YOU love always gets right to the heart of a thing or a story. ANYWAY. Finally // and I Hate Everybody are my absolute favorites, and don't you think this album is like Ashley's version of Lover??? it's her most honest, and maybe lowest but also sweetest and steadiest album. I'M IN LOVE

YES YES YES YES YES I AM SOOO EXCITED YOU LOVE IT WILL YOU BE MY MANIC BUDDY *SINGS IT’S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND WHO LOVES HALSEY*

also thank you sincerely and seriously so much for the glowing shoutout

#WONDER WOMAN SPEAKS MY HEART AND ALSO THIS IS SURPRISINGLY (?) RELEVANT TO THE ONCOMING STORM OF AN ESSAY

before I go any further I want to inform you I am drinking hot chocolate and Bailey’s out of my Batman/Catwoman mug and I still have Christmas lights up. This is not relevant to the following essay but I just thought you should know

I should start the essay shouldn’t I

First of all, I LOVE what you say about this being Ashley’s version of Lover. Both are a...finding of self, more or less complete. This isn’t to say that Taylor’s journey is over—she still has a lot of life and song left to fight through and to enjoy—but by the last words of “Daylight,” it seems to me that through all her struggles, she has finally discovered how to be gentle with herself and how to light her world.

I want to be defined by the things I love,

Not the things I hate

Not the things I am afraid of, I’m afraid of,

The things that haunt me in the middle of the

night, I

I just think that you are what you love.

In Lover, through Lover, by Lover, Taylor is whole again in her soul, and being thus whole and free, her future is quietly hopeful—even in the reality of the sorrowful “Soon You’ll Get Better” (which I still cannot listen to because it wounds my heart). I cannot imagine what she will do next, for she has the most expansive possibilities ahead of her.

Going back to Ashley, or Halsey, well, I can say nothing so clear about Manic other than that it aches. It aches because the whole thing is a confession. It is a spilling out of herself, all her hurts and frustrations and failures and most importantly the confusion of it all that lasts till this day and may last many more. Somehow, somewhere, in all this mess, I feel that by the end of the album, Ashley has found a grain of peace. She is still searching, still longing for things she maybe doesn’t even understand, but she understands herself, and, I hope, understands in a small way that it is okay to be in a state of longing and aching and messing up and trying again.

I’m sleepy so I’m not sure I am being coherent or cohesive, forgive me. I’m just going to say a few things about my favorite songs!

“Ashley.” So this wasn’t the first song I listened to, because of the singles released earlier. But how powerful is it that Halsey opens up with her name? There is nothing I like better than an album that tells a story (surprise!) and the instant I saw the track listing, I was shook.

Seems like now it's impossible to work this outI'm so committed to an old ghost townIs it really that strange if I always wanna change?And if only the time and space between us wasn't lonelyI'd disintegrate into a thousand piecesI think I'm making a mistakeBut if I decide to break, who will fill the empty space?

This verse—I don’t know if it is just where I am in my own life, but really, who hasn’t felt this strange rending of desires in some capacity. Cling to the past? Leap toward the unknown? I want to live near my parents forever, and see my mom every Sunday like I have for years now. I want to live in a foreign country, or even out near my old college, or heck even live in a city for year or six months, just because it would be an Experience. (Couldn’t live there indefinitely, not this girl who loves endless trees and hills and warm summer night country roads and rustling corn.)

How do we know what to do? How do we decide? What if we get left alone, with no one to comfort and support us? What if we cannot handle the consequences of our choices?

Apart from my beating heartIt's a muscle but it's still not strong enoughTo carry the weight of the choices I've madeI told you I'd ride this outIt's getting harder every day somehowI'm bursting out of myself

LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT IT! I DARE YOU TO SAY THIS IS NOT A UNIVERSAL EMOTION. THIS IS WHAT THE ALBUM WILL BE ABOUT SO IF YOU CANNOT OPEN YOUR HEART AND BE PREPARED TO FEEL EMPATHY AND COMPASSION FOR THE YOUNG WOMAN WHO IS ABOUT TO SPILL HER GUTS TO YOU THEN GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

Ahem, I’m sorry, please stay, I don’t actually want you to go. Just sit down and I’ll give you your own hot chocolate. But listen. Ashley is, before anything, a human being. Therefore, she is going to mess up, just the same as any of us, maybe more, maybe less, but that is never going to take away a speck of her intrinsic worth, or the way that God loves her. Her struggles will not obliterate her humanity, but if I ignore her sorrows, her need for something more, her brilliance and strength and longing to love, then I would nigh obliterate my own.

Also, can I just say she has gone through some REALLY hard things in her life, things I couldn’t imagine, and for her to be where she is now—I just want the best for her. Do I agree with everything she does or believes? No. Is my life at all similar to hers? Not really. But I still feel a kinship with her, and it bleeds through in her music.

This is getting away from me isn’t it. I’m just trying to say that Manic struck a chord in my heart that has been reverberating ever since I first perceived it.

Oh gosh it is 12:30, I have to be up at 6. I’m going to fly through a few other songs and then you can message me about the rest or something 😊

“Clementine” has such color, doesn’t it? Also the line about her wondering what it’s like to be the blood in her veins—I love it!

“Graveyard” with the thing you love the most being the detriment—not going to lie, this is a story song for me, it fits into the Gold Rush Silmarillion AU I am co-authoring. Feanor and his own pride, Maedhros and half the people he loves, Fingon and Maedhros—the list could go on.

“You should be sad” and “More” gutted me because I had only just learned she has endometriosis, and has experienced a miscarriage before.

“Forever...(is a long time)”:

It's a nice surprise knowing six feet highWould reach and grab the moon if I should ask

Or just imply that I want you to be more lightSo I could look inside his eyesAnd get the colors just right

And

What am I thinking? What does this mean?How could somebody ever love me?

Self-doubt and questioning one’s ability to be loved ☹

“Without Me” gets stuck in my head and I LOVE IT I SING IT.

Found you when your heart was brokeI filled your cup until it overflowedTook it so far to keep you close (Keep you close)I was afraid to leave you on your own

Is there anything more painful than giving all of yourself to someone, loving them so much that you do anything to help them heal—and then all they do is hurt you.

“Finally// beautiful stranger” I’m ashamed to say the first time I listened to it I wasn’t paying attention and so I was like eh it’s fine. THEN I LISTENED TO IT AGAIN. WHY IS THIS SONG HALSEY’S “ENCHANTED” (I can probably explain this, but just after I’ve had sleep)

“killing boys” there are a lot of things I could say about this song but the main thing I want to say is if there was a song that is ME regarding the sound of it only, it is this one. When she sings “you don’t need me anymore” and “I don’t need you anymore” OOH IT GETS ME IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

Also

Told me pick my battles and be picking 'em wiseBut I wanna pick 'em all and I don't want to decideNo more, no more, anymore

THIS IS THAT TUMBLR THING “MY MOM LIKES TO TELL ME ‘YOU HAVE TO PICK YOUR BATTLES’ WELL I’M FULL OF RAGE AND I’M PICKING ALL OF THEM”

ALSO ALSO GETTING INTO THE LYRICS THIS IS HER MOVING ON, THIS IS HER DECISIVELY SAYING NO THIS NOT RIGHT THIS IS HARMFUL TO ME I AM DONE. AND FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS EXPRESSED UNCERTAINTY AND DIFFICULTY MAKING DECISIONS, IT SO GOOD TO SEE HER MAKE A HEALTHY CHOICE FOR HERSELF

“Suga’s Interlude:” LOOK YOU LOVE BTS TOO SO I’M SURE YOU KNOW THE STORY OF HOW IT CAME TO BE AND YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT BTS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH HALSEY BUT FOR THE SAKE OF THE READERS LET ME SUM UP

Halsey did a collaboration with BTS called “Boy with Luv” and it shook the charts and is wonderful and I love it. Not only did they create that song though, but she flew out to South Korea and learned the dance choreography so that she could sing and dance in the song’s music video. This was the beginning of a beautiful, cross-language, cross-cultural friendship that has involved friendship bracelets, churros, a personalized microphone, and mutual teasing.

Anyway, Halsey had been really impressed with BTS member Suga, saying “Yoongi is really introspective and has this really intelligent perspective on where we are and what we are doing in our unique lifestyles.” She also was moved by the hard work and sacrifices he (and his fellow band members) have made. Anyway, she asked Suga to write and sing a song with her. He was initially surprised, saying that he can’t rap in English. Halsey, gem that she is, was like bro, pls rap in Korean, that would be awesome. Pardon me for copying half the lyrics for this song but to me it is pivotal in Manic as a whole:

I’ve been trying all my lifeTo separate the timeIn between the having it allAnd giving it up, yeah...

Here is the conflict and strife that Halsey has dealt with all her life—there is fear of loss there, and also fear of what one has. The power it has over you. The way things might go wrong.

I believe your faith, efforts, beliefs, and greed,are not hideous...Although the dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest,Never forget that the stars that you wish for,can only rise within the dark...

Suga reminding himself, Halsey, and us to cling to hope, ragged and worn, even in the most difficult of times. Also—in the face of our insecurities and self-recrimination for the goals we set—he tell us that our deepest parts are valid

If I run endlessly towards the end of the tunnel,what will there beIt’s true, it’s honestly differentfrom the future that I had hoped forBut it doesn’t matter, now it’s a matter of living/survivingIt doesn’t matter what happenedYeah yeah it might bedifferent from the things that you expectedYour living and your loving might changeThat’s true That’s true That’s trueYeah so are you gonna moveWe’re still too youthful and young to hesitateLet’s face it (our lives)...

This, this verse is so important. Look back at the song “Ashley”, particularly the lines I already quoted. Indecision because the fear of what might be, of what failure could do, wrecking her worse than ever, with no one to help her. Indecision because of a nostalgia that might be bitter or softly sad, what was past was at least known. It was good perhaps, it was awful more likely. But it was gotten through. There is no guarantee that Halsey will be able to get through whatever the future holds. But Suga comes in here, having faced struggles similar at their core, and he embodies the Nike slogan. Just DO IT. Don’t hold yourself back. Don’t let yourself drown, stuck in sinking mud. Embrace the unknown. If you let fear hold you back, you are as good as dead. There will be no growth, no hope battling through the dark for something better. You have to MOVE! And maybe you were right, things will never be the same, or the way you want it to be, but MAYBE THE DIFFERENT WILL BE BETTER!!!

Anyway, this section really should have been its own essay, because I’m still not done with it. You may have noticed I have been calling them Halsey and Suga, and the song is indeed called “Suga’s Interlude” but this song is so deep and personal to them both, it feels wrong to use their stage names. This is Ashley speaking, this is Yoongi speaking. Halsey posted a cute, stick figure drawing as artwork for the song, and the two singers are pictured there—and named as Ashley and Yoongi. This song is not just a collaboration by two talented artists, this is a look into the souls of a woman and a man who’ve shed blood, sweat, and tears to become the people they are. This intimacy fits the whole theme of the album so well, I LITERALLY CANNOT

I am so sorry I will move on now. It is 2:00 am. I need to go to bed. I am not. I need to talk about 929.

Well first let me say that “Still Learning” is also super important to the theme of the album.

I know that I've done some wrongBut I'm trying to make it rightDid the one I love do me wrong?Give me up right now

I know that I love you but I'm still learningTo love myself (to love my, to love my, to love my)I'm still learning to love myself (to love my, to love my, to love my)

She has made confessions and declarations and sung her frustration, and now she is moving forward. The road may be long and hard, but she is moving forward. I had something else to say but I forgot it sorry.

And NOW

929!!!!

This song miiiiight be my favorite on the album, not sure. My heart trembles and I get chills listening to it, because the music and her voice are so gentle and soothing but the lyrics are essentially a list of moments that have been needles and knives to Ashley, all her fears revealed, that she wasn’t enough then and she isn’t enough now, that the girl with the pink hair lied when she said that everyone needed Ashley. It’s a soft confession, a stream of consciousness, so it was written and so I hear it. And in this moment, how can I not love her? How can I not cry for her, for me, for anyone and everyone who struggles with self-worth, with being wanted, with being loved, with loving, with forgiving self and others?Halsey is flawed, and I just want to give her extra love because of that.

But you know what? I think she is going to be ok.

This is where I want to go back and compare Manic to Lover. There is this knowledge of the self, a kind of peace with who one is. I don’t mean that either Taylor or Ashley have reached their pinnacle of self, but they see themselves a little more clearly, and are not suppressing that knowledge.

929 sounds like water gently pouring out of a pitcher into a basin, and water, properly placed, does not drown but gives life. There is hope by the end of this song, hope despite her difficult life, hope despite the fact that she was never even telling the truth about her time of birth. (That story could be a despairing one, the “I’m a fucking liar” could be the miniscule mistake that breaks her after all the rest of her mistakes, but instead...I don’t know she just sounds kind of amused, like even if she is disappointed or upset about it, there is still this “oh well, whatever, can’t believe that happened lol” to her voice and laughter. She knows who she is now, and there is a better woman she might be, but she is not angry with herself for being who she is, and she will move forward, letting go of her ghost towns and all her fears.

Let me end with a quote about 929: “I just start spilling all of my thoughts about myself and my fans and my family, and I admit so many faults and flaws all in one go. It’s forgiving, however, it ends with the acknowledgment that I am learning and growing, minute by minute.”

Ashley, like Taylor, is making a new start. They have both found a sort of daylight, and though there may always be shadows, I really really hope that they will know mostly sun, and spread it around for others.

ALSO I JUST REALIZED I COULD NOW BE SOMEONE’S MANIC PIXIE DREAMGIRL :D

*Disclaimer: I AM SO FREAKING TIRED I AM GOING TO BED, THIS WHOLE THING IS ENTIRELY UNEDITED, ALSO I LEFT SOME SONGS OUT OOPS WELL TWO OF THEM I DON’T CARE FOR AS MUCH BUT I THINK I FORGOT 3 AM WHICH I DO LIKE BUT I AM NOT GOING BACK TO WRITE ABOUT IT NOW. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE RAMBLING MESS AND LACK OF ELOQUENCE BUT HERE WE BE THIS IS WHAT YOU GET HOPE IT MADE YOU SMILE

#halsey #manic #taylor swift #lover #madamescarlette #eden you know I will want to hear your thoughts #which will be so much more well-written then mine lol #asks #<3 <3 <3

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adiabolikpastel · 6 years ago

Note

I love Kanaye and Isabella! But I've always wondered, if Izumi's Mun hadn't left the fandom would Izumi and Kanaye still be a thing? Or were they bound to break up from the start? What was the reason behind their break up story-wise? I hope my questions make sense xD anyway, Keep up the fantastic work!

First off~ Thank you for the love and support! We super appreciate it!

Oh gosh this is a good question. Um… I’m not sure to be honest? If they would still be together. Here’s a super long answer to your ask…

☆+ ﾟ .+ .ﾟ.ﾟ｡ﾟ｡. +ﾟ｡ﾟ.ﾟ｡☆*｡｡ . ｡ o .｡ﾟ｡.o｡* ｡ .｡

Kanaye really did fall quite quickly for Izumi. He saw her and the world stopped. This was his first time in love- and experiencing anything like this. Everyone in his family could tell as well, and it was refreshing but strange to them- let alone Kanaye himself.

I think that… if Ayano’s blog was still active… hmmm… they would definitely have been together longer. I can’t say 100% if they would have ended up together. The reason I cannot is because that would have to be something her and I talk about.

If we could see them ultimately getting married, becoming king and queen, what that would mean to them- if that was even the life Izumi wanted for herself. Things along those lines- we never got to talk about.

Sure, this first love was special and cute and we both really like it. However, we never really talked about what would happen after that. Please remember that when they started ‘courting’:

☆+ ﾟ .+ .ﾟ.ﾟ｡ﾟ｡. +ﾟ｡ﾟ.ﾟ｡☆*｡｡ . ｡ o .｡ﾟ｡.o｡* ｡ .｡

Kanaye was 16 - primarily lived in the Demon World - and was a total man whore. And a mean one at that. Kanaye had no proper idea how to treat a woman, let alone one he cared about. He saw them all for their bodies- as whore who only wanted to get fucked.

Izumi was different for some reason. His thought towards her stayed pure, and that was SO UNLIKE HIM. There is a reason in our role play about them meeting Kanato is so iffy about him being with her. It was so expected for him to be a man whore, and with Izumi he was not.

Since it is still taking me forever to actually write out how their relationship went, here is the cliff-notes version:

Kanaye courts Izumi for a couple of months. This means they talk mostly over the phone- because him living in the Demon World and her in Paris, France- it was near impossible for them to actually hang out.

On the extremely rare occasions that they did get to meet, they would go out on a date. This happened maybe… 3 times max? Most of their relationship was phone calls and text messages.

Each time they would get to hang out- if was cute. The most they ever did was hold hands and he would kiss her hand, cheek or forehead. Kanaye even stopped his whoring around at school. This continued for just about a year.

However, after a year, their relationship had not really grown. The two of them had two totally different lives. Izumi was able to travel the world, meet all kinds of people, truly thrive in the human world. Kanaye was devoted to his studies, and working towards his dream of becoming the next king after Shu.

Ultimately, it all just wasn’t working. The more time they spent apart, the harder it became to actually see one another. Not to mention, in the back of his mind, Kanaye never forgot the two of them were cousins. He knew that Izumi did not forget this either- especially since her Father was the product of such an act.

So, with a heavy heart, for their final meet up, Kanaye brought up them breaking up. Both of them were sad, but, knew there was just no way to make this work. But they vowed to not be strangers, after enough time had passed, they should become friends if it would be possible.

Kanaye relapsed pretty hard after the break up. Going back to his old way with a vengeance. He was lucky to have Spencer around, or things would have gotten much worse. Oliver- despite their hot and cold relationship - helped as well. And it was thanks to him, Kanaye found a way to honor his time with Izumi and feel peace from it. He got a tattoo on his forearm- of her favorite constellation- Leo.

☆+ ﾟ .+ .ﾟ.ﾟ｡ﾟ｡. +ﾟ｡ﾟ.ﾟ｡☆*｡｡ . ｡ o .｡ﾟ｡.o｡* ｡ .｡

So yeah… long story short… yeah! I cant say 100% that they would still be together, but I also can’t say they wouldn’t.

@pureblood-prey and I have talked for months about Kanaye and Isabella’s future.-Including how they get to that future of king and queen- and their children- like it’s so great!

Thank you so much for this ask! I really appreciate when people ask me big ask like this! Gives me a chance to work out ideas!

Izumi belongs to : @subaruxayano

Isabella & Spencer belong to : @pureblood-prey

Oliver belongs to : @first-blood-moon

#ask answered #ask mun #thank you for the ask #character development

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estrxlar · 3 years ago

Text

The Ghost Of You

07 - Our Realization

This chapters songs:

New person, same old mistakes: Tame Impala

National Anthem: Lana Del Rey

Blackout Days: Future Islands Remix

I think it might be hell; Clarence James

—

Y.L. Perspective-

Seriously, what was it with tight dresses? All they would do was squeeze the living hell out of you, making every single step you took complete torture. Sure, people looked hot in them, and I wouldn't blame anybody for wanting to show off their looks. But me— me?! No. Especially not to a high school third-year party, where all anybody wants is sex.

"Come on, don't make such a huge deal out of it. You look so beautiful it hurts me." Giki tugs on my arms, attempting to pull me out of the car while the other two band members leaned on it, beginning to grow impatient with my childish behavior.

What I wore consisted of a very light blue colored dress with small ripples down the entire thing that tugged at both my hips and chest and the sleeves were long and oversized to trick the eye. It was small and snug and made my entire body look better than I imagined. Yes, it was a gorgeous dress, but I hadn't ever planned on wearing it. The only reason I ever even bought it was because I loved the way it looked on me— meaning it was never intended for other people to see. Plus, this wasn't even that grand of a party. I mean— yes, there were at least three hundred people inside singing and dancing from what we could hear, and it was quite a humongous house, but still: I didn't get the point of dressing so club-ish.

To my friends' relief, I gain the courage to step out, trying to avoid the couple of people that were glancing over to the new arrivals: us. My hands attempt to pull down the dress, but it simply stays above mid-thigh.

"So, what's there to see here, hm? Are we greeting anybody here, or what?" Toruku questions, locking his car and twisting the watch on his wrist. We begin walking towards the grand house, meanwhile talking silently.

"Pretty much everybody is here, so you guys can just runoff. I'm gonna try and find Miya since she invited me and all."

It wouldn't be any trouble to try and find our friends, since we had quite a few. Being a popular band at your school had to give you a few favors. The only thing was that I was scared of being lonely at this party. I didn't know what would happen, who I would meet, or if I would make mistakes of some kind.

The four of us slide through the crowds outside while muffled music was heard. But the second that Toruku opened the door, so much was happening. Flashing blue and red lights would appear, coloring everybody and their sparkly wardrobe. Many were dancing and shouting at the loud music that blasted through the noise, though I didn't mind very much. The music was almost hypnotizing, and so was the faint smell of marijuana and alcohol.

From my side, Toruku made an expression of excitement. "There's fun stuff!" He yelled, sliding his hands together. "I'll see you guys later!" Is the last we hear of him for a while, before he makes his way between the crowds of teenagers. I nervously crossed my arms, doing the same as him, and starting my way around the house to explore.

Suddenly, a voice calls out to me, sending immediate chills down my spine. "Y/n!" Yelled Kiyoko, as her arms widened for a hug, while a drink in her hand bounced in the cup. "I didn't know you were coming! We could've matched or something!"

"There's no need, you already look so good tonight!" I spoke loudly over the music, looking up and down at Kiyoko. She wore a red spaghetti strap silk dress that fit perfectly on her, but what didn't? "God, you're such a goddess!"

"Don't even, Y/n. I've never seen you so hot-looking before," she laughed, putting a warm hand on my shoulder. "Don't mind me if I act a bit silly right now, I'm tipsy."

I nod. "How about lead me to the drinks so I can be too? I'm getting impatient," I say back, before being led to the kitchen. It's big and grand, just like the rest of the house. In there, there are about two or three jugs of whatever, and a stack of cups as well. People were seen talking and laughing near them.

Kiyoko and I fill two cups of beer— or what I assumed was— and gave them both a bump. "Cheers to our third year, right?" I say, as we down what we have in our cups. The amount of carbonation in the beer is surprising, making my nose scrunch up while it goes down my throat. "Jeez, what's in this, crack?"

"Probably," Kiyoko's obnoxious laugh releases, as she leans against me, giggling over my shoulder. I simply laugh back, baffled by drunk Kiyoko. "Hey, you know who's staring right at you?"

My veins practically freeze. Staring at me? At what?! "Who?!" I silently yell at her, quickly turning my head side to side to spot anybody.

"Koushi. And he's not taking his eyes off of you."

Not even a second after her seductive tone whispers into my ear, I spot the guy, with a drink in his hand and a couple of familiar volleyball players discussing with him. However, he didn't look too cheerful. Instead, he just looked me up and down, and right into my eyes, then taking a long chug of his beer.

I smirk back at Kiyoko, excited at the fact that he had spotted me so quickly. "Do you think he came with anybody? I wanna talk to him but if he's with someone then I'd rather not." I ask the girl, as she moved her feet to the beat of the song playing.

"Hm, I have no idea. Anyway, I gotta go. My date is waiting for me. Bye-bye, stay safe!" Her cheerful aura soon leaves the dim blue room, and I'm left alone in the kitchen, waiting on him to approach me.

The first few seconds I glanced at him, I only got a few of his stares. Each time I would attempt to look away, acting as if I wasn't beating myself up because he wouldn't talk to me. But once he tapped Daichi's shoulder, set the empty cup down, and mumbled something, I knew my wish came true; I wouldn't look like such a loner now.

His footsteps approaching me are the only thing I can make out from the music and nothing else, but that is until his voice catches my attention as if it weren't already all on him. "Hey, Y/n. I didn't know you'd show up today." He says, leaning his hips against the counter. "You look pretty."

"Thanks, you too!" I return the compliment, as the music gets louder. It's not until a few seconds after that I realize what I had just told Sugawara: that he looked pretty. I mean, it wasn't a total bad compliment for a boy. He did, in fact, look very good tonight. He wore a white t and grey button shirt over it, with dark baggy jeans and a few chains and rings, all topped off with his shaggy silver hair.

He smiles at me, reaching for one of the red cups that were stacked upon each other, and filled yet another cup up with beer. "You don't think you'll get a headache tomorrow morning?" I ask him, as his eyes turn to me while he drinks. It sure did seem as if he was using a hell of a lot of cups tonight.

"I think I'm fine. I know how to take my alcohol." He puts down the red cup that was now empty, ahead of tightening his jaw and giving me that same gloomy look he'd given me before. "You do too, don't you?"

'Yeah, I do.' I say internally, nodding. "You look upset. Are you okay?" My voice is shaky and loud, but not loud enough for him to hear, for his eyes rolled back and he leaned closer to my face. "You look a little down. Did something happen?"

He whispers into my ear, "I can't hear you right now. Let's go somewhere else." His hot skin rubs against my cheek, meanwhile, his nose tickles my ear. "Come with me." Sugawara gets a hold of one of my hands, and wraps his fingers in between mine, before leading me out of the kitchen and into a crowd of people, where I was lost in the whirl of shouting people. Every once in a while, he would turn his head, searching for any sign that I was uncomfortable. But I wasn't. Only curiosity was what I was feeling.

Soon after, he brought us two to the front of the house and opened the door. Outside was a few people smoking or trying to have a nice talk without the noise inside. But even if it was muffled, it was still really loud. Sugawara makes a turn towards two empty chairs in the front porch colored a nice light and dark grey with striped patterns. In front of it was a glass coffee table with a few empty and full cups of beer.

Suga set his cup beside the others, and sat on the far left chair, while I sat on the right, waiting for an explanation of why he had brought me out here. It wasn't as if I was angry, but simply wondering. "It's nicer out here. I saw you were pretty uncomfortable all alone, so I thought we could just stay out here for a little," he explained, while the dim porch light bulb hung above his head, making his platinum hair appear gleaming. He wasn't wrong, I was pretty stressed about being alone for measly ten seconds.

"Yeah, you guessed right." I fiddle with my fingers, taking in and off the ring wrapped around one of them. "I don't know why, but I'm just not feeling up for a party tonight. Usually, I'd be the one telling everybody to go so we could enjoy it. So much for wearing something I usually wouldn't, right? If I had known people were gonna start swimming I wouldn't have even come." I huff, leaning over onto my knees. Today was tiring, and being forced to a party wasn't what I expected.

As if he read my mind, he asks, "did something piss you off today? Was it your father? You didn't get to tell me how that went. I don't mean to be intruding on your life or anything, I just wanna know."

I sigh lazily, leaning over to prop my elbows onto my knees as I gazed towards the moon. It was nice today and covered in small clouds. "It's nothing, really. I just got into this argument— this fight with him. He tried taking me somewhere nostalgic and then tried putting on this entire 'good father persona, while I just sat there dreading every moment of it. You have no idea how much torture it was." At the simple description, I can already feel my eyes watering. God, how much would I cry today? How many times would it be until Suga would go at least one hang out without me breaking down in front of him?! "Anyway, I told him how I felt. And all he could say is 'sorry', after what I explained to him. How he didn't deserve to try and boss me around as if he were even there when I self-harmed. Instead, I had to go to some grey-haired boy in the corner of my math class, right?" I giggle, sniffing up any fluids that left my red nose. Thankfully, Sugawara understands and doesn't hold back a cute snort.

"I'm sorry. I know what it's like to have a bad relationship with a father, trust me. And you don't deserve that. From what I know, you're such a strong, beautiful, good person, and although you grew up without them, I think you did a great job finding yourself." Although my eyes are closed, I can still imagine the way he looked at me, and the sweet stare he gave. What I couldn't imagine was his hand pressed on my knee, with his thumb softly massaging it. "You're a great girl, you know. Don't let him ruin your confidence."

As expected, a cheeky smile on his pretty pale face is what I see when I open my eyes, as well as a few fewer students outside of the house. But now that we're mostly alone, I don't bother feeling as if I have to hide from anybody. "Thank you. It means so, so much." My voice wobbles in the cold air, meantime one of his thumbs made its way towards my cheek to wipe the large tears that bounced on my bottom lashes.

"It's no issue. I'm only telling you the truth," he speaks, pulling his hand back into his lap. Soon after, he sat back in his chair, looking up at the sky that painted many glittering stars, and a pale white moon. I do so too, letting every emotion leave my body with each breath. Talking with Sugawara was as if being in heaven, if only for a split second. I wished that it could last at least two, or three, or even an entire minute. "Y/n, do you... do you wanna leave?"

My eyebrows curl at his question. "What do you mean by that?"

Before being able to thoroughly ask him more questions, he quickly clears things up. "I mean I don't wanna be here anymore, and I know you don't either. As you said, 'I'm not in a party mood.' I brought my car, and I'm not drunk. Not tipsy either. Do you just wanna hang out somewhere else?" He looks down at his wrists again, picking at his cuticles while waiting for my response. For a second I think about why I came. It was only so that Miya would trust that Giki brought guests. I'm sure that now she had at least four hundred people in her house she wouldn't mind. And besides that, I didn't know where we would go, or if we would get in trouble.

But in his luck, he was right; I didn't wanna be here.

—

Sugawara and I both agreed I'd meet him at the front door after I said bye to Giki. He brought up a clever idea that I should probably tell at least one of my friends we were leaving, or else they'd grow defensive and act as if I were kidnapped. And so, I'm approved to leave and plan to waste no time getting out of this house.

That is until I encounter what feels like a ghost.

"Y/n," my name is heard from a mouth, sending me to glance to my right. Looking up, there stood Oikawa, someone so distant, yet so familiar. All I could do is stare back at him, blinking a few times to check that I wasn't hallucinating some figure. He was tall, and his build was skinny but muscular, just like when we were kids. Except now, he looked more of a man than a boy. He ran a hand in his brown hair, turning towards me completely instead of a sneaky side stare. I had begged the gods to keep him away from me, but here we were.

Toru had no business being at this party— a Karasuno party— so why was he? Is this to run into me? Or maybe Toruku? So many thoughts ran through my mind, yet all I could do is stand there, staring at him. "W-why are you here?" I hesitate to ask, followed by one of his awkward laughs.

He rubs the back of his head, saying, "I was invited? Why else? I thought I would see you here, but I didn't mind. But if you are, does that mean Toruku is too?" I didn't understand why he wanted to know about us, but I also didn't care. I didn't need to be so stressed about this tonight. "Wow— I can't believe it's you. I thought... I thought you—"

"What, killed myself?"

"N-no! No, of course not. I just thought you moved again. At least that's what you told everybody. Iwa and I had been trying to get a hold of you guys recently because it being our third year. We...we thought it was best to say bye properly, y'know?" Even though his voice is so low, I can still hear him over the blasting music and obnoxious talking. "Listen, I just. I just wanna see how you guys doing. I know you're in a band now. That's cool, right?"

I nod, with an expressionless face. Annoyed, I cross my arms and relax my posture. "Yeah, I guess. I heard you're at a preppy little school now. Isn't that fitting?" An unexpected attitude is heard in my tone, which soon made me feel a bit sorry. But what was I to say? He can't expect to get so close to me after three years. This conversation is useless. I need to go.

Oikawa takes notice of this and has no second thought of grabbing one of my hands, requesting for me to stay. "Please, I wanna talk more. I..I have so much to say. Can I at least have your number?"

I attempt to resist his grip on my fist, but he simply pulls back harder. He must really wanna talk. I say, "I have to go right now. We can talk some other time. Please, just let me go." All of a sudden, another arm is wrapped around my wrist, but not Toru's. Instead, it's Sugawara, giving him the most intimidating stare. Both setters stare at each other for long seconds, before Suga gently slid his hand from my wrist to my hip, as the warmth of his fingers makes my back curl.

"Is everything alright, babe?" He asked, looking down and smiling at me. Ahh, I get it. The old boyfriend-saving trick. He makes sure to give Oikawa a two-faced smile, letting him know he would be able to confront me no longer. Going along with his ploy, I lean on him, grabbing his arm in security. "I'm fine," I mumble, looking anywhere else but towards Oikawa. "Let's just go."

—

Closing the front door that I had walked into just about an hour ago, Sugawara let go of my hand, "Who was that? Why were they so demanding?" He asks, looking at me for a response. Although I try to act toned down, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by everything. But luckily, I'd just for tonight, I could escape from my problems.

"Just an old friend. Thank you, though. I didn't feel like talking with them."

Sugawara and I walk towards the end of the street, where he has said his car was. And once we'd reached it, he pulled open the door for me, and I sat in the passenger seat. It wasn't a big car, but it wasn't small either. Its paint consisted of a darker matte grey, and inside the seats were beige leather. He had two small cans of car freshener; one lavender, the other cherry almond. Hanging from the rearview mirror was a string attached to a small volleyball plush and a necklace. I wasn't sure what the necklace was about, but it wasn't any of my business. Overall, it was a nice car, which I could tell was kept clean.

"Sorry if it's messy, or weird looking. I just got it last year so I'm still kind of beginning to get used to it."

An entire year? Looking over at Suga I say, "if you don't mind me asking, why has it taken so long?" He swallows hard, tapping his fingers on the black leather that covered the steering wheel. "It was my moms. She gave it to me before she passed away." He says, stuttering. It seemed that Suga wasn't very comfortable talking about this subject. "A-And besides that, it took me a little to learn how to drive. I only ever take it when I don't have a ride somewhere. Other than that, it stays at home."

What he said had cleared up some things I was wondering about: why hadn't he taken it to school? But now that I was aware of the situation, I thought it's best to not ask. "Oh. Well, that's okay. There's no need to be ashamed or anything," I tell him, backing up my words with a sweet tone. "I don't take loss very well. Not any better than you did, at least."

"Ha! You have no idea." Surprisingly, a remark leaves his mouth, soon followed by an apology. "Sorry, that came out rude." His low voice cracks at the last word. I felt nothing but sorry for Suga at the moment. Whatever he didn't tell me about in the kitchen was itching his ear this entire time, and I wouldn't go on without knowing what it was.

He licks his soft lips and folds his hands within each other. I assumed it was about some girl, why wouldn't it be? Suga is truly a handsome young man— a man— not a boy. I wouldn't blame any other teenage girl to fall head over heels for him, but I wouldn't be okay with somebody causing him trouble. After what I've heard about Sugawara, he didn't deserve any more dreadful events to occur in his timeline. "What's up with you, Suga? You seem upset today. Well, not upset, more like down. But are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just got in this fight with my dad today about volleyball. He makes it such a big deal, more than before my mom died. I think he just worries I'll end up throwing my life away. But after everything, it feels like that doesn't even matter," he explains, as the engine now roared, and I quickly strapped on my seat belt. "Anyway, where do you wanna go, hm?"

I look out the window, as we begin to pass the house that held so many. But soon we reach the end of the street, and almost all of the noise is gone. If only for a few hours, I can finally relax. "I dunno. I just wanna leave."

"Maybe you wanna get some clothing from your house? I can drive you there, and we can go somewhere else afterward," Sugawara mentions, shifting his vision towards me if only for a second. But I deny it. I wouldn't wanna be anywhere near home right now, or at least home is what they call it. For me, it's simply a hollow shell full of regret.

"No. I don't wanna go home." I turn my head towards Suga, whose eyebrows raised in surprise at my demand. "I don't even care if I'm uncomfortable. I just.. I just don't wanna go home."

"I don't either." He smiles meekly. "Look, I have a t-shirt in the back. But it's only a t-shirt, nothing more"

"That's okay. I snuck pajama shorts under my dress tonight," I giggle, lifting the blue skirt to reveal bright pink cotton shorts with cartoon monkeys and bananas covering them. "So, where to after?"

"I'm not sure. I think I'll just park at this old skatepark I know, and we can just stay there for a while until you decide we wanna go."

"Orr," I make a request. "We could stay there all night. I don't mind sleeping in the trunk or something, that's what makes it an adventure, right?"

Sugawara shrugs, as a smile appears on his face. Soon, we're out of the neighborhood, and out on the main road, where anywhere go is a mystery to me. "I.. I dunno. What if your parents get angry at me? What if you get in trouble?"

"I don't think they will, Suga. They don't care much." Quickly, I begin to unstrap my heels, placing them next to my feet, and take off my seat belt. To his surprise, I instantly climb towards the back seats of his car, getting low immediately after I succeeded. "You said the t-shirt was back here?" I ask him, glancing to the middle seat. Usually, if you pulled it down, there was a compartment that had a shortcut to the trunk. I put two fingers between the small loop the divided the seats and the storage, pulled it back, and pushed a small button that pulled back. Surely, my predictions were correct.

"Hey— be careful back there. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." Sugawara says, without any notion that I had done times many times before when I went out with the band. Carefully, I reach my hand into the dark space, feeling and touching on items that might feel like a t-shirt. The only thing that is in reach is a duffel bag, a volleyball, and a box until I catch hold of thick cloth.

Carefully pulling it out of the dark, I observe thoroughly, to discover it's a jacket of some sort. When I cautiously unfold it, I reveal a large hoodie, with big orange letters painted on the front, 'Karasuno.' "Oh, you can just wear that if you'd like. I don't mind, and besides, it's not dirty or anything." Suga turns briefly to glimpse at me who help the sweater, making sure to adjust his eyes back onto the road afterward.

"Haha, just don't look," I chuckle, bowing behind his seat for furthermore privacy, before carefully but hastily pulling the blue dress over my head. Finally, I'm released from its threshold. Then, I take the hood, and slide it over my torso, and pull it down. The size was just perfect for me to lounge in. Once I'm comfortable, I toss the dress into the front seat and make my way there too.

"Thanks, Suga. I didn't wanna be in that all night. Anyway, where are we going again? To a skate park? Great, do you have skateboards?" I asked, digging in my purse for some extra socks. Once I find some, I pull them over my feet, glad that the ache of the heels was almost over with.

"Uh, no. I don't know how to skate. But my friends usually come here a lot, and there's never any security, so if you'd like we can just stay here for a while until you wanna go home." He says, pulling into a small lot with a few small buildings around it. The further he drove went to show that it was a skate park. In fact, one of my favorites. When he finds a spot that isn't too obvious to the main street, he parks his car and rests both hands on his thighs. "It's nice out here, isn't it?"

I agree, nodding whilst staring at the lit-up park that contained many loops and poles for tricks. "Yeah. Listen, thank you for rescuing me from Miya's. I know you probably had better plans than to have to take me here." As the words leave my mouth, I realize how strange it was that we left and decided to hang out for a while. Although Sugawara was a friend, I still had much to learn about him, including his instincts.

"Uhm, Suga?" I utter, avoiding contact with him. But even so, I still sense his stare. After grabbing his attention, I ask, "I don't mean to sound like a loser, but why're you so accepting? Not that it's bad, it's that I haven't really met anyone other than my close friends that actually enjoy spending time with me. You're just.. very flexible. You make time for people, you're helpful, you're caring. I wanna know what makes you that way?"

The question stirs in Suga's mind, bringing about a long silence. For me, I always perceive people to be too careless and flamboyant. Yes, I try to look at both sides of the stories, but I always let people's opinions get to me. It's what makes me so insecure about letting people get to know who I really am. "After everything that happened, I decided that I wasn't who I wanted to be. I'm not saying I completely love who I am, but I try to be a better person. Especially to people that mean a lot to me."

"Oh, yeah. I get it." I say, leaning my head back in the seat. "After everything that happened at the beginning of high school, I decided it was best to pick myself up. I wasn't gonna achieve anything by sitting around and throwing my life away, right? I think I'm just confused because.. well... after being comfortable with who I am, I don't let people get to know me. I just feel like everybody is too judgmental, and I'm gonna seem like I'm still a burnout."

"I get it. But people do change, Y/n. People like us. I guess— time flies so fast. Everyone changes so quickly that in a blink of an eye, your entire perspective of something is completely altered, and everyone you know— or at least used to— they're on a completely different level than what you expected. It feels like you're realizing that it's not as simple as you thought. It's realizing that you'll be somewhere totally different than four years from now. You've gotta have that realization things are never gonna stay the same." As much as I wanted to deny it, Sugawara was right. Even if I'm somebody who's approved by everyone, I'm still my own person, whether they like it or not. How I develop has only to do with me, and no one else. "And besides, you're a very likable person, Y/n. I'm sure you don't have to worry about being enough for other people. You're more than enough."

I couldn't help but chuckle bashfully at his sentence. "Yeah, I bet you say that to all the girls you let in your car," I say jokingly, meeting eyes with Sugawara. But he isn't laughing very much, just lightly smiling, and shaking his head 'no'.

Suddenly, one of his hands meets with my cheek, brushing against the peach fuzz that stood upon it. I could do nothing more than stare at him, observing the way his chest rose so fast while doing so."Y/n," he mumbles, making my heart beat faster than light speed itself. His eyes did more than observe every inch of my expression but search for something other than panic. "I'd like for you to know that you're someone so incredibly valuable. You're beautiful and talented and sweet. God, you're so sweet. Don't let anybody tell you you're anything less, which includes yourself."

"Kou," I whimper to him, placing my hand on his, and feeling his thumb slide towards the corner of my lips while feeling him come closer towards me. Any longer I waited for him to touch mine would have resulted in a heart attack.

"What is it?" He whispers, oblivious to the action of parting my lips with his finger, feeling against their softness. What made it even more desirable was the way he stared at them, imitating the way they would move when kissing him. And I did so, impatiently waiting for him to touch them, I demand of him, "Koushi, kiss me already. Please, I want to. I.. I do."

Sugawara rapidly grabs my wrists to make sure I don't squirm and finally takes initiative to press my lips against his. At first, he feels them softly, but once I show the bit of resistance, he soon lets go of one wrist and grabs the back of my neck, bringing it closer to him than ever. Our mouths can barely get rest, inflicting a dangerous amount of sharp intake from our noses. Every second of being gripped in his hold felt so much more heated than I had expected. If I wasn't such a prude, I probably would have gone further as to let him kiss my neck.

The small groans that echoed throughout my throat made the both of us feel just as nervous as before, but still, it made the process of making out more enjoyable. Especially the heat of his mouth, along with the way his tongue grazed mine ever so gently. With the way that Sugawara had kissed me, I couldn't remember a time I had ever kissed someone so meaningfully as this. So passionate, and loving.

So damn long.

—

Hey guys, thank you for making it so far in the chapter. I know it was a long one. Pls remember to note and comment! Love you all <3

- estrxlar

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kyunsies · 3 years ago

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MADCH MADCH <3

hello fam - I've had a weird day, I'm super happy I can take the time out to reply to you. always thinking of you though, I hope you're always having a great day. today's been a bit of a non day - a family member has to deal with operations and that's on top of me too so i've just felt a bit winded in life?

YES to you finally conquering that damn cold! do you feel properly replenished now? omg i hate sore throats too - okay i hope this doesn't give you nightmares but when i was a kid i saw a documentary about this terrible disease that manifests at its worst a bit like alzhemiers but it can hit anyone of any age and for the majority of people who get it... one of the first symptoms is a sore throat and i have literally lived in terror of sore throats ever since. but luckily it's a very rare disease. so basically, yes, i understand you.

OMG you know when you're like eight and you don't want to sleep and you're like no i will adult and stay up and it will be glorious - i'm like, CHILD YOU FOOL you could have gone to sleep XD and ugh no responsibilities?! i remember working most of the time when i was a kid and i kind of wish i had wreaked havoc? what was your childhood like? did you get to do lots of fun stuff? i know my mum wishes she had been able to spend more time with me when i was a kid and i'd like to have a family and i'd love her to be able to relax and just spend time with her grandkids? OMG well when you come to europe let me know and then i can show you around and give you a hug in person!

so we're mainly cofe here though cahtolic culture is still big and honestly i'm with you. like religion can be a great influence on you if it's not used in nefarious ways and can help you learn so much - like even if there are things you don't end up agreeing with at least you learn about then so you can make a choice for yourself as opposed to not really knowing anything? agree - people that are really boastful totally put me off, i just can't deal with it at all. but you're right, like it makes us so so hard to forgive ourselves for anything right? like, even if we've done nothing wrong and we shouldn't have to punish ourselves? like i swear i'm apologising for everything haha XD once someone pushed me off the tube and i ended up apologising like ON REFLEX? hasjdkahds XD but i really hope you have people around you that keep bigging you up too! if not i will keep bigging you up :D :D so you know that you are worth it.

i'm sorry you're not looking forward to your final year of uni! think you're almost there though - like this is the final stretch and you'll have like conquered everest you know?! and even if your landing at the end of it isn't as perfect the fact you landed at all means so much and that means you can stand up again and keep going! day at a time and moment at a time you know? i kind of had this moment today (hence my wierd day) when i was worry about everything and i literally sat there like - have i made the right choice and done the right thing and surely i've made the wrong choices in my life and do i actually have any talent cause if not people would actually like my stuff and i had to just be like... a moment at a time sometimes you know? like, just bit by bit and don't sweat the stuff you don't have to? idk i find it hard to do but i hope that helps you - like you'll surmount every little thing bit by bit and before you know it you'll have made it! you were born ready you were <3 <3

TINY SQUAD IS GO! the pant dilemma is truly a massive issue, like IDK how to deal OMG OK SO LAMPSHADING is like when you do big baggy like tops and then like leggings or tights or something skinny on the bottom so... you look like a lampshade? like i guess it makes you look cute and then also it's such an easy way to dress without worrying if you look like a kid that's wearing your mum's clothes?? ahsdjakdhsa XD

AHHHH YES BASIL ME TOO!! what scent did you end up buying? i'm sure it was lush - are your parents near you or is it like a massive special occassion to get to see them? YES agree with your take on musk though! like it feels like idk, something a 50 year old with a cigar in a stuffy country club would wear? like, there's no energy to it but not in a chill mellow way either??! like even if i was going to a dinner thing I would still rather not wear something musky? like i'd still rather it be something a bit sweeter? also like some musk perfumes can be SO STRONG? like i'm like - my nose is choking on this perfume XD

YES BLUE MOON SQUAD AAAAA it is literally one of their finest ever, it's always stayed on my top faves list by them. like ugh yes to the lofi stuff sometimes i just wanna VIBE and be in my feels but not so much i'm too angsty but enough that I'm FEELING feels ya know? what did you think of kiss or death? it really wasn't that kind of vibe but yh i hope they do more lofi jazzy stuff - also cause like not a lot of korean groups play with that sound a lot?

hello mädch's mom as always! nerer apologise for being late, always just happy to hear from you and i hope you are super super well and looking after yourself first and foremost! more than anything <3 (also i take ages to reply too ya know and omg this is so so long ahsdjakhdaskjdh)

love you lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxx

ANGEL ANGEL !!!!!!!! <3 i know i'm really late to this LKDFJS i've had such a busy week getting some overtime in and then visiting my grandparents' house so i didn't really have a lot of energy to reply to all of this BUT IM HERE AND i can finally give u a good response <3

firstly is your family member okay??? i hope so ;____; how was the rest of your week, and how was your weekend angel? i hope u were able to enjoy your weekend and that everything is okay in the family <3

but YEAH my mom and i are over the stupid cold ;_____; i hate colds,,,, they last way too long lol like i say i know the flu is a little more serious than a cold but i would rather have it for a day or 2 than being stuck feeling lousy for a whole week :( ALSO SLDKFSJDFKLJ OH GOD SEE we are both hypochondriacs ( that's not the best trait to have as a nursing major lol ) but tbh i'm really curious about this rare disease ????? :o sounds really scary tho goodness gracious i wonder what it could be ;____;

also god i was always awful at staying up late as a kid LOL but i know what u mean !!!!!! honestly there was only one time i can recall i had a sleepover with my friend in like the 3rd grade and we tried pulling an all nighter so i think we made it to like 5am but i had to go to bed omg i felt like such garbage LKDSFJ </3 it's just funny bc like as u get older u realize that staying up late is really nothing special and if anything u feel like a train hit you the next morning and adults are so sleep deprived as it is we just *try* to prioritize sleep SLDKFJSDKLJF :') you worked a lot as a child bub?? what kind of things did you do? i didn't start working until i was 15 bc most places here don't allow u to work until this age (unless you're in a family business i guess lol) but all the jobs i had in high school i hated so much ;_____; but my childhood? i would say it was relatively normal LOL like we say all the time i've had a single mom so life was really stressful for her but i always felt loved <3 i always had my mom <3 and we took trips to the beach with my family every year, it was our little tradition !! i went to san diego to visit disney, you know little trips here and there !! and then when i got into my sport and i started getting older my mom and i spent a lot of time and money investing into my sport so most of my weekends consisted of a lot of tournaments and driving far away for me to compete :') i do remember when i was really young like in kindergarten my mom's work was really far away from my school and we had a recital ; i was the "host" where i would introduce all of the songs and stuff and my mom didn't get off of work until like 6 and by the time she made to my recital, it was over :( she told me she cried a lot that night :( i don't remember her doing this (i don't even remember the recital all that much lol) but now that i'm older and i understand more about adulting, i'm sure she was so devastated thinking about it now :( anyways about visiting europe LOL I WILL DEF GIVE U A CALL AND LET U KNOW SO U CAN SHOW ME ALL OF THE COOL PLACES <333333

and about the religion ....... yes ;____; i think it's a great thing if a family decide that they want to do this when they're families; i hope to continue to practice it (even tho we aren't regularly going to church at all hhhh gotta work on that) but there is something about catholic guilt specifically that just makes it soooo hard to like, be easy on yourself? but ,,,,,, i guess it keeps me grounded :( in a self depreciating way ??? LDSKFJ I KNOW U UNDERSTAND ... it's weird for me to put into words ;____; and YEAH :( i think i'm getting a little better at this but i used to apologize all the time for things i never needed to be sorry for hhhh (still do) :')

and yes babe honestly i'm really terrified to start uni :( i think i have this weird anxiety issue i've had it ever since last year but i don't know why i'm so scared and anxious about things that haven't even happened yet ;____; are u like this too? is it normal? i wish i knew :( i guess i won't really feel better until i have made it to graduation, but i just want to do well this year. whatever i do, whether it's exams, or clinical rotation or my preceptorship, i just want to do well ;____; i don't want to do poorly, i want to make my mom proud and i want to work at a place i'll be excited to work at, and most of all i just want everything to work out ,,,, i wish someone could just sit me down and say listen i know what you're going thru is hard but you CAN get thru this and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS bc no one in my family is in the health sciences (besides my cousin who is studying to be a doctor but she doesn't give a shit about what i do lol) so ;_____; yeah ,,,,,,,,,,, lots of anxiety and apprehension of the unknown :(

LSDKFJSD FOKAY NOW I KNOW WHAT LAMPSHADING IS LMAOOOOOOOOOOO yes i wear those clothes on lazy days LOL the thing is i'm really picky about the length of my oversized crewneck sweaters hhhh the can't be too long bc if it goes below my butt i look like i'm wearing rags LOL so i have to be careful :') but most days i do like, reverse lamp shading lDLKFJSDLKFJ i like wearing flowy pants with a more tight top or like baggy jeans with a tighter shirt or a blouse i can tuck into my jeans LOL but omg its so funny i didn't know what that was :') thank u for the explanation my love <3

OKAY BUT HALF THE REASON I DIDN'T RESPOND IS THAT i was saving this weekend to go to the jo malone store in my mall and !!! I GOT A NEW SCENT AND I'M IN LOVE WITH IT SO MUCH BABE ;____; you have to go smell it if you go there soon and tell me what u think !!!!!! it's called wild bluebell (here is the scent description lol) but the guy behind the counter helping me was soooo amazing and helpful like they really do treat u the best at the store and AH i’m so happy with my purchase <3 my wallet isn’t so much LDSKFJ but nonetheless i know i’ll have it for a long time :)

KISS OR DEATH !!!!! i actually really enjoyed it lol i have seen some ppl not really like the rapping so much but i loved it ;____; i’m super biased obviously LOL but gosh i thought they were all great and minhyuk + hyungwon killed the song for me <333 wouldn’t expect anything less from our monstas !!!!! and my mom is sending her love lol i tell her the work u do and she’s always wondering how ur doing :(((( same for my moots she always asks me about 2 in particular LOL she’s always asking me <3 i love u so much bubbie !!!! iM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE MY LOVE again i always just want to give u a quality response <3 i love u the absolute most and i hope u had a great weekend !!!!!!! this is my last week at work before i have a week long break before i head for uni so :’) can’t believe i’ve done all this LOL :’) i will be happy to hear from u whenever u come back hun !!!!! TAKE CARE LOVE U <3

#asks #💥 anon #WE ARE WRITING NOVELS HERE BABE LOL !!!!

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