#Anyway this is all a hypothetical scenario I've had in my mind all day and I needed to get it out of my system.

[ravendruid]

What if Syldor had died?

Vex mourned the loss of a father who wasn’t really a father but who had taken her in regardless. Yes, he had taken her away from Elaina, and she would never forgive him for that, but he had tried to give her – them – a better life, and for that, Vex was grateful. For the few years they lived in Syngorn, Vex knew not hunger nor cold. She had a roof over her head, warm clothes, and plenty of meals. She studied and learned about cultures and new languages and had the best tutors teaching her how to behave like a lady. But what she didn’t have, though, what she really wanted, was what Vex never got: a father who would read her stories before bed and who she could go to in the middle of the night when the wind howled louder at her window. A father who, one day, would proudly walk her down the aisle and give her away to a man who succeeded in the difficult task of earning her heart. Vex’ahlia gave up her search for a loving father at a young age. Instead, she sought his approval. But no matter how hard she tried, she never felt enough. So when Syldor passed, a sense of relief overcame her. She had long been exhausted from trying, and with his passing, she finally felt free of his scrutinizing look. Vex’ahlia was free to be who she wanted to be now. Yet, his voice still rang in her head, reminding her over and over that she wasn’t good enough. But then another man entered her life and showed her the world was more than black and white. He proved to her not only that she was enough but that she was more than enough. Vex’ahlia felt seen, cared and loved. She was finally free, at last. As for Vax? He was confused at first. Syldor’s parental example to him was only one of what he should not do. Who he should not become. Yet, grief hit him like a wave hitting a cliff on a stormy night. He did not mourn the loss of a father. He had long grieved that. When Syldor died, he took with him the remaining hope Vax had that his father would change one day. That he would love him and be proud of him. The only relief Vax felt upon hearing the news was knowing the pain would now end for his sister and that she would finally be free from their father’s judgment. Vax didn’t know what a father was supposed to be like until he met the man who welcomed him into his house like he was already part of the family. Korrin was everything Syldor could never even dream of being one day: he was kind and caring, he voiced his love and pride for his daughter louder than any other, and he loved so wholeheartedly and effortlessly. Vax lost count of the number of hugs, the words of encouragement and advice, the meals, and the warming smiles Korrin thew his way. If this was what a father was like, then he was sure now that Syldor had never been one. Vax doesn’t grieve him anymore, nor the idea of what he could have been, not when he has someone in his life who grabbed the role with both hands and refuses to let go.

[hypnagogics]

how soon is now? | part one

READ THIS FIRST 🇵🇸

teasers: one. two. series masterlist. next part here!!

♡: hallway crush!ellie x uni student!reader

☆: listen, i know this timeline is kind of ridiculous, but i’ve organized it all best as i can! this is the expanded story based on those first little blurbs introducing the au (reads fine on its own though), and this part specifically was originally going to be one huge fic, but i've ultimately decided to split it up and drop the first part now, because i feel like it ends in a convenient enough space where i can make a separation not so jarring. so that means this will have a direct continuation (how soon is now? 2 ? lol this is so stupid-), and that will be posted soon enough once i finish it! but yes that means after so much waiting, it's finally here for y’all. i literally thought up this silly idea right before i passed out on new years, and never expected y’all to love it so much…but i keep my promises, so here. also love the smiths and felt the title sort of fit. i feel like not too much happens but eh anyway, thank you for waiting, thank you for reading, and please enjoy!

♧:4.6k word count

◇:suggestive but not explicit - horny descriptions and tension, however no smut (for now?….BUT DON'T HOLD ME TO THAT.) no descriptions of reader’s physical appearance, no use of “y/n”, slow-burn construction and loooooads of pining, a lot of build up but stay with me, attempts at occasional foreshadowing, smau elements(text messages lmao), savage starlight is a plot point lol, hallwaycrush!ellie is sort of a mix of loser/modern/university au/dorky-ish ellie I DON'T EVEN KNOW. abby is your bestie, girl what else do i put here- this is just kinda plot, plot, and more plot progression about the whole ordeal, and me indulging my obsession with modern!ellie. (lmk if there's anything to be added!)

“Abbyyyyyyyyyy.” 

You rolled around your lifelong best friend’s bed, babbling her ear off while she studied away at her desk, or tried to at least. This situation has been a daily occurrence for weeks at this point.

Laying on your stomach facing away from her, you could hear her scoff in annoyance. ���What?” “Please give me some advice..I don't know what I'm even supposed to do. She's driving me up the wall." This crush was the sole thing occupying your poor mind, so naturally, you had to drown your bestie with your troubles as well. That's what friends do. Abby spun around on her chair to face you, with a clearly fed up expression on her face, and leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees. 

“Well I don’t fucking know man, I’ve already given you my best advice, and that's either introduce yourself, or suffer.” She said coolly. You sat up and groaned. Wasn't there an easier way? One that didn't involve actually taking initiative and doing something? Maybe, hypothetically, you ace a test, and the professor announces it in front of everyone as he emotionally congratulates his star student, and she bounds over, beaming. Then tearfully confesses her love and admiration for you- hold on, where the fuck is this going?

“Oh come on, you know I can’t do that..” You gulped a burning bundle of anxiety down as you replayed the scenarios with your obsession for the thousandth time that day, the mere crumbs you were forced to fixate on until you saw her next, the first sighting that started this whole fiasco,  and shook your head to clear it and listen to what your best friend had to say. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, slamming her textbook shut and making her way over to sit next to you.

“Listen babe, I love you, but you really gotta get ahold of yourself, alright?” She spoke sternly, looking you straight in the eyes to make sure you understood and absorbed every last word she said. “Listen, here's what you're gonna do. when you pass her in the hall, smile, it's simple but it's a classic, okay? And then you listen to the lecturer as normal, right? I have no idea what you nerds do in astrophysics, but that's besides my point. Make sure to pay attention and not stare only at her like a stalker or something, I cannot stress enough how normal you gotta be. But here's where it gets good, you still with me?” 

You're listening to her for sure, and nod vigorously. Crystal clear. She continues, “Okay you said you sit as far as possible from her? Sheesh, why'd you do that? When the class is over I want you to go over to her, and introduce yourself. Catch her on her way out, tap her on the shoulder if you're feeling bold. Ask for some of her contact details, play it cool. Just don't shit yourself, got it? All you gotta do." 

Abby finishes her speech, smirking and looking smug. She's positive she got through to you this time. On the surface you're totally chill, confident even, ready to snatch this ethereal being for yourself, however underneath all that you knew you didn't have an ounce of the courage that was required for this seemingly impossible task. 

Breathing deeply to calm yourself and try to take in her helpful words as best as possible, you give Abby a hug. “Thank you Abs, really. I'll do my best. Oh, but what if I freak out and start stuttering- or what if I trip and fall on her…I can't do this what the hell.” Swarmed with worry, you start doubting yourself yet again. Burying your face in your palms, you feel two strong hands on either side of your upper arms and you look back at Abby, who's really not playing around anymore. 

She was so serious about this it almost scared you. Either she cared about you more than anything, or she wanted to hear the end of these pathetic, lovestruck rambles. You prayed it was the former. 

“Suck it up. You can do this. You've had crushes before haven't you? This should be a piece of cake c’mon, I believe in you. Make sure to keep me updated every step of the way! I need to hear every last detail.” She lightens up at the end and releases you from her grip once she sees you've relaxed. 

Unsurprisingly, your best friend always knew what to say to snap you out of your spirals. Maybe most would disagree with her methods, say she was being rough, but they worked for you. Heart rate returning to a normal pace, you reply genuinely. 

“Okay, okay I got this. Yeah, it'll be fine.” She was getting through to you, this time you felt sure of it. “Good, good. Now will you let me finish this stupid assignment? Then we can watch something or do whatever." Abby chatted as she got up and sat back at her desk, resuming her studious endeavor as she left you with your thoughts. 

Immediately you heard her mutter, “All this and you don't even know her goddamn name…good grief.” For the sake of preserving the peace you chose to graciously ignore that one. She said she wanted some quiet, didn't she? 

Drifting away into a sea of daydreams, your thoughts inevitably returned to being clouded by this cryptic figure. It was like she'd cast a love spell on you. Did she even know who you were? Or did she shoot everyone those insufferably charming looks of hers. Was she even aware of how fucking cool she was? 

Dressed in that deliciously grungy style, you yearned to know what floated behind her greener-than-grass eyes. Her hair looked so smooth and soft, the wispy auburnette strands framing her refined features, intriguing fern tattoo decorating her lean forearm…. You felt your cheeks begin to heat up as a portrait of her materialized in your mind's eye. Nestling into the comfortable atmosphere of your best friend's room, you sunk deeper into your thoughts.

Like Abby had mentioned, it certainly wasn't as if you've never had crushes before, you've certainly had your fair share of them, like most people. But that was a sort of flaky, surface level interest, whether it be for their looks, their little quirks, or ways they treated you. Maybe it has been a while since you'd had a proper crush, but you couldn't recall a time when the infatuation, the pure limerence, had hit you this hard before. You almost felt helpless, just besotted by her.

You simply needed to act on this. Right then and there you steeled yourself, and decided you were going to follow Abby's advice after all, and go after this hallway crush. Worst comes to worst, she turns you down, you get over it eventually, bla bla end of story. It wasn't going to be too complicated, right?

You and Abby had stayed up all night, dusk till dawn, gossiping about things other than your hallway crush, shocking, and you were greatly regretting that decision the very moment it was time to gather your books and get to class.

You really did not feel like stunning everyone around you with a gorgeous outfit today, you were just trying to make it through the day in one piece to be honest with yourself. 

With a pounding headache you threw on some mismatched sweats, and ran out the door to be on time. Your bag felt unreasonably heavy as you made your way down your apartment stairs, and you cursed your past self for choosing a building without an elevator. Sure, exercise is healthy, but it can’t be when you’re feeling like a zombie, and wish for nothing more than a good, long nap.

Luckily the lecture hall was a comfortable distance away from your place, not far enough to make it a pain, but enough so you could get a much needed breath of fresh air. The tiredness had pushed all plans of action you and Abby had discussed the previous night to the back of your head, and you weren't thinking of your crush at all. At least for now. 

Walking slowly with your gaze pointed downward, you eventually made it to the hall. Completely dazed and zoned out, you made a mental note to never pull an all nighter again, gross, who’s idea was that- thump. 

Out of nowhere you're rudely jolted from your silent sulking by colliding with something, or someone? It takes a moment to register what happened, and you quickly look up from staring at the ground to sort the situation out. “Oh my gosh I am so sorry..” 

Profusely apologizing while simultaneously being smacked across the face with the realization of who this was. Her. Your words trail off as you’re suddenly winded, and you feel your blood run cold. You’re transfixed by the intense eye contact, and it feels like time has stopped. Goodness, this is dramatic. 

In the time it takes for you to briefly die and come back to life, the young woman has lowered her chunky headphones so they rest around her neck, Morissey’s vocals faintly floating out of them, and is looking at your stunned state with an indiscernible sneer playing on her face. Was this actually happening? Holy shit you and Abby did not discuss this scenario…you weren’t looking where you were going and had collided with an actual Earth angel. Great.

Still gawking at her like an absolute buffoon, akin to a deer in headlights, she breaks the tension first, with a smooth voice that you would obey virtually any command for. 

“Nah, you’re good.” And a wink. Your heart skipped a beat, or four, when you witnessed her wink at you. Did you imagine it? Was she being suave on purpose or did she have an eyelash in her eye…Was your life a literal rom-com or what? 

“Um..” Your mouth opens and closes in an attempt to form a coherent sentence, but your brain is much too fried to do so because, well, you had just made physical contact with the literal girl of your dreams. And gods did she smell good…while you’re unable to tear your eyes away from hers, she keeps talking as if nothing happened.

“I think the prof had an emergency or fuckin’, I dunno.” She stops to gesture around the two of you at the crowd that had formed in front of the auditorium’s double doors with elegant, ring adorned fingers..holy fuck you needed those inside you right fucking now- WHAT. 

Briskly shoving those thoughts down to the deepest depths of your subconscious back to where they belong, you turned your attention back to her, and put on a brave front. Hyper aware of how searing hot your face felt, her pretty self didn't show a hint of caring that you were making a fool of yourself. They say that any situation is always worse in your head than it was in actuality, well you hoped so. 

“So, what are we supposed to do now?” Clearing your throat you managed a sentence back, hooray. You were doing this. Good job. Although, of course, before the gorgeous nymph before you had a chance to respond with her own assumptions, a substitute lecturer you had never seen before pushes his way through the crowd and unlocks the door while people file in, separating you from her. You felt like Rose, viciously torn away from Jack from Titanic, what a cruel, cruel world this was.

And once again you didn't get to ask her name. Re-slinging her bag with one arm, she looks back at you one final time and throws you a “cya around.” Before disappearing into the auditorium with everyone else. You meekly nod at her and force a lopsided smile, before leaning against the wall to steady yourself after that fiasco in the now empty hallway.

Wasting virtually not a moment of time, you pulled your phone out and began furiously texting Abby with a recount of the events at a speed faster than the speed of light. 

Once that excruciatingly torturous class was over, you applauded yourself for containing the stares in her direction and keeping your eyes fixated on the professor. Whether you actually retained any information, now that was a different story. Picking up your bags and laptop, you stay behind for a moment as everyone else files out, no need to crowd and suffocate amongst the other students, and you had nowhere to be except catch up on your favorite shows and relax all by yourself. 

Filing out the auditorium with everyone else, you see a familiar face pass by you, and vaguely hear Abby’s voice in your head urging you to seize the moment. Now’s your chance, go! And so you gather every little bit of strength you possess to do just that. 

After a couple deep breaths you jog up to her. “Uh, hey.” She turns around and gives you a warm smile, making your legs instantly turn to jelly. You subtly checked her out and took in her outfit, another bulky jacket and lightly distressed jeans. Fingers studded with layered silver rings, and those big ole headphones seemed to be magnetically attached to her, she always had them on her. Note to self: ask for some music recommendations.

She was even hotter up close…with a beautiful galaxy of freckles scattered across her fair skin, you wanted to place a kiss on every single of them. “I, um, never caught your name.” “It's Ellie.” She sticks out her hand for a handshake and you accepted it, you finally had a name to the face you've been pining over so intensely for so long. Abby was going to lose it once you tell her about this. You steady your voice and hide the glee that was likely evident from this interaction going so smoothly, and introduce yourself to her as well.

After some time of idle chit chat and standing there, neither one of you knowing really what to say, Ellie pipes up, facepalming, tsking, and furrowing her brows. “Oh yeah, I don’t mean to spring this on you outta nowhere, but would you wanna study sometime?” She flushes a dusty pink, “I don't know anyone else taking this course and am having kind of a hard time with it...when I chose it, I expected it to be more about space and the planets, and less about numbers and math, my head hurts.”

Her demeanor was making you feel rather comfortable with her, even though the two of you had just formally met a few minutes prior. “I would love to, yeah!” Maybe you were being a little too enthusiastic, but at this point you were operating on pure instinct and not thinking critically of what was coming out of your mouth. “I actually don't have any plans now, or today at all, so if you want to, we can get a head start before the next class?” Well that just slipped out. Go you, blurting things out. 

You had no idea why you'd said that because your place was an absolute mess, clothes strewn everywhere, trash can still full, you'd been too preoccupied with your studies, and well her, to do much about it. To your horror, Ellie exclaims, “Hey, that's perfect! I don't have anything to do right now either, and it would be good to act on it while it's still fresh in my mind, y’know?” Her face morphs into an adorable toothy grin as she taps on her skull comically, you were becoming more obsessed by the second, if that was even possible.

Every little sliver of her personality you got to see under the stoic one you had assumed she had just grasped at your heartstrings. You smiled back at her so hard you almost pulled a muscle in your cheeks, “Awesome! Follow me, then, my dorm isn't far.”

The walk there was mostly fine as the two of you made it to your place, Ellie occasionally making comments about how she hates the class even though she adores outer space and learning about it on her own time, and you were nodding and acting as if you're listening, agreeing with her robotically while she rambled away and you daydreamed about what her lush lips would feel like on yours. You wondered if she was gentle with it, or if she’d kiss you hungrily, devour you like her very last meal….gulp.

Leading her to your place was an automatic task, not much navigation needed, and when the journey was done you had to legitimately stop short for a moment in an attempt to soothe the pounding in your chest. 

The crush that has plagued your mind for ages, who you've just met formally today, was about to be in your room. The two of you were about to be alone. That was totally fine, yeah, she can't be a murderer…..right?

“You good?” She asked sweetly, why did she have to be so nice, “Those stairs were killer, I totally get it, phew.” “Oh for sure, gets me every time.” Covering up your panic smoothly, you unlocked the door and went inside with her. When she walked inside, Ellie took a glance around your room and set herself down at the edge of your bed, immediately making herself comfortable, while you still lingered in the doorway, awkwardly swaying and staring at her, unsure of what to do with yourself. 

Suddenly you had completely forgotten why she was here in the first place. “No way, you read Savage Starlight too???” She spotted the figurine on your desk and snatched it up in her hands to inspect it thoroughly, with a childlike wonder in her eyes. “Wow, this one was a limited edition and it sold out in like an hour, I'm so jealous you got this!! How much you want for it, I'm serious.” She was so excited, and you couldn't believe it. Savage Starlight has always been one of your favorite comics ever, you've loved it since you were a young teen, and now this seemingly perfect human before you, who you're hopelessly obsessed with says she loves it too? Could she get any more flawless, is all you could wonder.

Her happiness because of this little thing you two bonded over was infectious, and some of your nerves slowly began to go away.  Grinning genuinely, you sheepishly said, “I've never met anyone else who likes it, that story has helped me through lots of phases in my life, and Daniela was my gay awakening.” Ellie gaped at you for a beat, making you almost doubt revealing that information.

“No. Fuckin’. Way. Mine too! Her suit was just- damn. And those action scenes in the third volume had my thirteen year old self’s brain just mush for, I don't even know for how long. This is crazy, I can already see we’re gonna get along so well.”

You wanted to talk to her about everything and anything forever, and her glee made you want to squish her, but there was unfortunately work to be done first. “There’s so much we have to discuss, but we gotta get some studying done first if we wanna make it out of this course alive.”

You were sitting at your desk, hunched over the sprawled out textbooks and messy notes, as you drew the graphs and talked to her about the concepts she was struggling with. Your desk was so small and you only had one chair, and you were the one using it, so Ellie was forced to hover over you to see all you were doing.

Focusing solely on the subject before you was proving to be more difficult as studying time went by, because you were a little too aware of the way she had caged you in against the desk to watch, her oversized shirt grazing your upper back. You gripped your pen ever so tightly to minimize any trembling, and kept a steady voice as best you could while explaining it all.

She was so, so close, the tension in the tiny room was palpable, she didn't seem to notice your nervous tremors or the proximity she’d created, and the low murmurs of, “ohhh, mhm, yeah,” as you embarrassingly stammered over your explanations made you flushed and to be frank, needy. You could feel her warmth radiating off of her, could faintly hear her breathing just above you. You didn't dare move a muscle. Was she feeling this too?

At this point you swore the delicious gravelly vibrations from her voice this close to you would be plenty enough to make you cream your pants. The air in the enclosed space was getting hotter and thicker by every passing moment, it took everything you had to keep yourself from losing your mind right now. If you moved back a petty few inches, you’d be pressed flush with her front. What would that be like, you wondered. Oh, no. Your throat felt drier than the desert when you swallowed, the thought of that making you weak.

Since your focus on the work was lapsing, you were beginning to make some little mistakes and blunders, compelling her to take the pen right from your hand and fix them herself. “No, no, this one’s supposed to be like this instead, see? Then you're able to get the right answer which is…” She stretches over you further, you nearly whined, someone save you, and grabs the textbook to review the solution. “Like this, yeah, I was right. Honest mistake though, don’t worry about it.”

You nod your head and make a pathetic murmur of approval, ignoring the fiery tingles spreading all the way up your arm when her hand bumps yours to return the writing utensil, and the blistering coil of want forming in your stomach. This all had to be deliberate, right? She couldn't lack that much spatial awareness, could she? Well, it wasn’t that you minded, she could get as close as she damn wanted to, you'd let her throw you around like a ragdoll even- you were just afraid your heart was going to give out if she kept it up. “Could you show me this work you guys did? Of course the one day I'm late, the prof talks about something new and I miss it.” 

What feels like an eternity later, you hear her groan above you and she returns to her earlier spot on your bed. You can finally breathe properly. Glancing at the clock, your own headache begins to set in. Crap it was late, how time flies. 

“We’ve been studying for so long, it’s getting late.” “Shit, you’re right, I’ve definitely overstayed my welcome. Sorry about that, and hey, thanks for this. I understand it all a lot better now, see you tomorrow.”

She stands up abruptly and ushers herself out of your door in a flash, to which you clumsily stand up, knock your chair over, and hastily run after her, not wanting her to go just yet. “Wait, Ellie!” “What's up, did I forget something?”

She pats her pockets and looks at you with concern. Round puppy dog eyes, and lips in a miniscule pout, so cute. You were in front of her now, but did not process what you actually wanted to say. Just ran after her like the smitten nincompoop you are. Upon feeling your face go hot, you look at the ground to mutter, “Uh- nothing. See you later.” Realistically, what were you planning on saying, or doing?

After stumbling over your words you two finally part ways and you slump down against your door, missing her presence already. You simultaneously wanted to jump around or open your bedside table drawer to release the energy you'd accumulated, and wanted to fall into the deepest sleep of your life to recuperate from the experience. This was just, a lot. You wanted to scream and screech like there's no tomorrow, but did not want to deal with noise complaints from the others living on your floor. Gosh she was so close, she shares your niche interest, your hands touched, albeit accidentally, lo and behold you were in love with her.

Maybe it was early to call it that, but you were going to plan out your future together. Preferably a quaint, peaceful farmhouse, the one you two lovebirds renovated together exactly how you envisioned, where you could ogle her doing the farmwork. Ugh. Cook all her favorite meals, make sweet, sweet love under the moonlight. Take strolls through the flower gardens you two planted, receive her curated bouquets as gifts, you two are going to have such a tender, domestic life. 

You had to mull it over some more, and didn’t dare wish to forget how close she was to you, you were still buzzing from her essence. You were pointlessly pacing around your room now, unable to stop looping the study session's events in your head. The simplicity, the eroticism of the encounter. One-sided or not, you had yet to find out more about her, the impatience was going to take over. The day almost seemed too good to be true, but for now you had to force yourself to relax and think about something other than her. Time to browse Pinterest with striking kitchen ideas for your beautiful future. 

What were you going to say to her the next time you see her? You were eager to know how, or if at all, this new friendship was going to progress. Part of you was dying of impatience, but the rest of you wanted to take it all as slow as possible, savoring every little moment and making the most of it. 

You sighed, this was going to be a long, long, year.

lovely taggies: @amiorca @mostlyhornyandsad @lasting-lover @radioheadfan699 @sophie-thefrog8 @machetegirl109 @ellieschair @aouiaa @wavesgocrash @tangerinngi @elliesbitchvenus @dinaissoprettyoml @rxreaqia @camicocom1a @elliesexual @ellslvr @boobdrug @writing-on-a-bathroom-stall @bready101 @yourelliewillms

.......really hoping this doesn't flop because it isn't smutty, yall wanted more fics that are plot soooo

[according2thelore]

listen it's already wincest wednesday in my neck of the woods so I'm gonna just get right down to it: couldn't stop thinking about sam being just weirdly obsessed with dean's circumcision scar (in like the a sweet body-worship kind of way but also in a gross-boys-being-gross-boys kind of way; they contain multitudes) and THEN had to contend with the idea that post!S3, if post!hell dean got rehymenated... did he also have to have his circumcision redone? or was he just rockin' foreskin for the rest of the series? genuinely I think this is the most I've ever considered hypothetical foreskin in my life. anyways, a tip of the hat and a glorious wincest wednesday to you all!

EEEE anon!!!! correct!!!!!!

[NSFT under the cut!!!!!]

i imagine in a scenario where dean is circumcised and sam is not, it's because mary and john intended to have it done, but haven't gotten it done yet, but obviously, it slips through the cracks after the fire.

i think it starts as a 'hey this is different than me.' (if anything at first sam gets kinda bummed about it, bc it's another sign that dean got something when he was younger (a happy family that had time to care abt things like that) that sam didn't)

but like...then it gets weird.

if they're intimate pre-hell, sam can't stop touching the scar. he'll blow dean just so he can feel it against his tongue, he'll reach over and put his hand down dean's pants just when they're watching TV or something so he can hold his dick in his hand and run his finger along it.

maybe dean notices that sam's a little obsessed, but just chalks it up to sam being weird bc dean's going to hell in a month.

and of course if we look at the traditional religious implications of circumcision, it's a physical difference between them, a show that dean has this covenant with a higher power that sam does not because he's demonic, and he's evil, and he's wrong.

but when dean comes back w a foreskin, i don't even think he notices until he showers. he screams bloody murder, and bobby kicks the bathroom door in, and dean's like "what the FUCK did they do to my dick??"

the first time they're intimate post-hell, sam sticks his hand down dean's pants and freezes. dean totally forgot to give him a heads-up, but it's too late as sam rips dean's pants down.

game over, honestly. sam doesn't become any less obsessed. he loves the way he can slide it back and taste dean's sweat, his dried come. you also bet they dock. like all the time.

as for getting it done again, i wouldn't be surprised if that was an implication from the higher ups, like 'oh look u can prove your loyalty again, and choose to make this covenant again type thing w heaven,' but i don't imagine dean being down with that (but if he does get it done again, sam wants to do it, you can't change my mind; getting to MAKE that scar?? jesus christ (charlotte agrees))

anyway.

you're right, i've also never thought about the state of dean's dick season to season, but ahh...yeah.

thank you anon for this lovely ask, and happy (day-late) wincest wednesday!

-lizzy

[ask-ikevamp-faust]

Hypotheticals

( Reply to @crowmero reblog. Sorry!! I didn't want to reblog because it was already long 😂 )

Admin: Faaauuust! You got a response!! The marry, kiss, kill thing!

Faust: Oh? Who is Charles being switched with?

Admin: Vlad-

Faust: No.

Admin: ????? You didn't even read everything! 😠 Get over here.

*reads everything*

Faust: I rather switch him with Leonardo

Admin: Why? All the points against Vlad are pretty fair.

Faust: Every claim against Vlad is the exact reason why I wouldn't try to kill him - At least until I find a infallible way - . If I try to kill him without a full proof method, all the points they made that could "potentially happen", will happen in that exact moment. Of course he can just change his mind one day and use us, kill us, or play his mind games, but I believe my odds are better this way than trying to kill him. If they can provide me with a guaranteed method to kill a pure blood I'll it do. Also, if Vlad has had enough alcohol he won't even notice a kiss.

Admin: ... Mhmmmm... So... what about the strawberry incident?

Faust: ... that's irrelevant

Admin: 🤨

Faust: He tried to induce regurgitation, that's all. I'm not saying anything more on that matter.

Admin: So you won't feel guilty about trying to kill Leonardo?

Faust: He'll be fine. I'll try to kill him, he'll probably pass out for a few days but ultimately be fine.

Admin: ... Right... So please explain to me why this wasn't your answer from the beginning. Why put Charles through the idea of being killed for your twisted thought process?? You could've just said all this from the beginning instead of giving these "reasons" why you wouldn't kill Vlad... We all know that you don't do it because you literally can't.

Faust: Look, our relationship may be strange but it is what it is. It's all hypothetical anyway, I wouldn't actually kill Charles for such a pointless reason.

Admin: Meanie 😤 Charles was crying yesterday.

Faust: How is it my fault he took the hypothetical seriously?

Admin: For someone who keeps calling it a "hypothetical" you sure took the thought of the consequences of trying to killing Vlad seriously. You are in no position to judge.

Faust: I'm done with this. I've said what I needed.

Admin: Apologize to Charles!

Faust: ...

Admin: Now 😡

Faust: My deepest apologies Charles. I should have taken our wonderfully twisted family into consideration when deciding this hypothetical scenario. There. Now let go of my sleeve before I bite you.

Admin: Excuse me?! I'll bite you back harder 😤

Faust: That's fine. Let's experiment to see who can bite the other harder, first one to be unable to tolerate the bite has to be a personal slave for a day.

Admin: Eww! You're crazy! Get away from me *pushes him away*

Faust: Hehehe 😈 ... By the way, Crowmero, I don't have another name to use... You can't hide behind anything, I see your marriage thoughts. It's better to be honest, you never know what will happen. You can come be a cat with me and leave your claw marks. If you truly don't like the castle, I have more than enough financial means to make other arrangements.

( That's the end! It's in a different format, but I hope that's okay! Thanks for the fun discussion!! )

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i think i've only seen a soma playthrough twice and the first time i didn't absorb it great lol but upon just some light brushing up (incl a short article that was one of the few results that cropped up when i was like "show me the images for 'soma's save feature featured fisting, right' (yeah basically)") it's like, it's always fun when you're just left with a lot of room to Interpret Themes and unsurprisingly at this juncture i'm lasering in on just, like, the matter of [the self vs the other] via this premise that basically people can just make a copy of their Psyche at any point (but needing to find a new & different Soma in which to upload it but like, largely setting that aside when In This Scenario the new bodies don't affect their minds / sense of self at all....except for when they sometimes do? or maybe not. the like glitchy monsters are just kind of WAU automatons, right. and the people are all able to act / communicate themselves as people, though they might be affected by like, existential crises over the goings on) wherein like....the protagonist can Split In Two* at a few points via the psyche copying/uploading, and then the game Follows the copy that will be continuing to advance the plot, and the version of the protagonist we Were following is now An Other even though it's like, that was The Self (at least insofar as that was our first person pov player character) up till just now. and the protagonist can Know like, yeah that's You right over there also. and yet iirc from like, yesterday's light research, in the first instance he at least gets the Option to kill that Other/Self who was, up till just then, the Self to us too, if that makes him feel better abt the existential crisis, or at least discomfort, enough to like, keep moving right along lol (speaking of. just the other day i was like "adagioly onomatopoeiaing the opening banjo strums of rainbow connection from the muppet movie soundtrack does so much for me" and then i learned it was the anniversary of its theatrical release. hell yes. also memorably once when like marinating for hours in a general malaise & failing to find the wherewital to get up i was like "haha oh wait. i'm playing the song 'movin right along' from the muppet movie in my head. okay" up & at em)

anyways the fisting article (which, i was wondering what thoughts it would have on that truly interesting facet of the game. mostly it posited that the uhh sphincteresque penetration of it all would be Typically considered to make cishet men anxious / threatened / vulnerable, and notes the protagonist (hypothetically a cishet man) is indeed trepidatious about it, while also arguing he markedly Doesn't really hesitate in shit that hurts or endangers others in the course of his shit (though ig that can also depend on the player? haven't really rewatched it recently enough to know how much his dialogue adds to [as a character though he's making it clearer he just wants to cut a swath through your shit asap]) and also questions whether the game thinks of (or, from their argument, knows of) the protag as pretty sphincteresque himself. and like yeah probably imo lol like thee ending being what it is, and as far as i know no like Multiple Endings like in amnesia series* stories usually, and thus more room to have a protagonist who talks to characters in the present and i think like, without the ability to choose what he says

anyways that the protagonist can Understand like, hey see that guy over there, that's literally also you rn, and yet he can [Not accept that] in one case such that he'll kill that Self for "his own" Self's comfort really, as the fisting article expressed, to continue believing he is Unique and the One True Self, the only Real [himself]. when, to be sure, the game Could have kept the first person pov on that version of him we'd Been up till then, and had that pov of the one killed. or maybe left behind in another instance, i don't remember all the "transfers"....catherine Explicitly explaining that only the copy/upload format is possible, Not Transfers, making sense what with like. her magic brain scans that can can wholly parse & store your Psyche data, whatever that'd be like, definitely not being meant to, say, Extract the person's Psyche from their living human body upon doing so. while the ending's drama comes from the game Now staying with the version of the protag who'd been our first person pov character prior to that "transfer," who is Again like "why am i still here" despite having the "it's not actually a transfer" explained, b/c This version Just So Happens to be the copy of the copy of the copy like simon(4) or (5) or whatever and ofc can't have been the one(s) already just left behind somewhere back there in the complex or he wouldn't have been able to be at that point in the first place. and then "killing" catherine b/c he's so pissed, i remember it as him hitting whatever device was her effective Soma, but the article i think suggested she just got too stressed in turn and that Output fried the device. while, of course, post credits shows us their "transferred" selves just fine chilling in the ark like whew glad all that's done with

anyways just getting around to the fact of how it's easy to land on catherine as the center of the game....and of course she's the one really Not having crises over [my god, copies of my Self] or others' selves or what all, having even less of a usual Soma than simon but rolling with it, and evidently having already fully absorbed her Self as a distinct version from her original Self, despite having the same links to her that make simon or anyone else who's been copied into whatever other Soma feel like he's continuously been Himself(tm), the one true Real Self he's always been....and like, naturally catherine being the one behind the entire project of [what if we copy/paste people's psyches into a big ol mmorpg server & shoot it into space so that Maybe something can happen with them / in a way they can continue to exist] so she's Been thinking of, you know, being separate from these Selves turned Others who you'll jettison into space beyond even the body of the earth. unless it's supposed to stay in orbit lol i do not remember the details....and ofc like plenty of other people are like wow that's Fucked Up or it's Not Us and like, the latter sure is true with with the [copying, not transferring] element, but also the former is more choose your own adventure (interpretation) when the game isn't about like, and the simulation Is fucked up, or there's any element of distress or dissonance to existing on the ark, though you can't really know that until the post credits scene confirms you're just hanging out for real....which, that article was also going in on the character who's on this quest to kill the WAU as like "the versions of us it makes isn't Real it's Corrupting" and like, arguably the WAU as just kind of, naturally, something capable of growing, and doing so, and the real problem seeming to come in with the [doing whatever for supposed safety but superceding/supplanting/displacing autonomy in doing so] like, people who did not agree to whatever was done re: their Somas or they would've remembered & been like yeah i'm hanging out as a robot now, or a goop guy, gunk [YES], etc. but separate from that obvious issue it's like, my guy, You're a copy made by the WAU now lol, you're your whole person that you are, with the thoughts & feelings to decide you wanna go on a quest to destroy it, and whatever capacity to pursue it....either way i think the game makes it clear enough the WAU is a Neutral force exercising no conscious discernment, it Is a body, or it's some body (once told me) anyways lol, though i guess i did just go "those Monsters that can chase you are just wau manifestations right" so that's getting kind of complex lol, but even that can be taken as, like, it Mimicking human's shapes & bipedality & other external characteristics, i guess, and just the way an overall theme can be [hmm where's that division between the soma and psyche, machine and ghost] the WAU has been expanding and making various forms of itself, and of humans, and that's also an element of the fisting that starts out as a fingering and can end with having to leave part of yourself in WAU's core if you have completed the choice to corrupt & destroy it, that Connection and Interfacing is required, with increasing [get it in there] required as well though there's no given clear in universe reason why (w/my theory here being: just the Themes of the increasing interaction / reducing Boundary)

where was i going with this. idk naturally there's people like "well you don't have to see the wau as evil or at least required to be destroyed" like yeah one can imagine the case for that, wherein again this one guy's hypothetically mad abt like oh it can't be Us it's making, like, brother in christ You are here as You are b/c of what wau did, if you don't think You're legitimate enough, how can you be dead set on pursuing any decision you make. but also the lack of autonomy wherein wau has (probably? again would have to rewatch) killed people to transfer them to a less fragile soma, but a) also maybe it's just acted when people were already dying / killed from other causes, and naturally there's the Everyone There Doomed To Die Fairly Imminently factor and b) that [wau's neutral / purely soma no psyche (or is it. etc)] aspect that is that classic mixup of wau just acting on its programming in a way unintended by its programmers re protecting life and c) i think WAU can sure be interpreted as a parallel counterpart to the ark project, where people agreed to the latter, & get to chill with simulated bodies in a simulated world, versus the WAU being that [body, world, realm of physical existence] which is funky & Not like a cool nice recreation of the usual world & is also at the bottom of the ocean, but it's sure trying to extend the existence of ppl's psyches by shoving them into whatever robots or slapping together parts or propping up their original body or what all, i don't remember that many of the characters encountered

Anyways Back To Catherine For Real. i'd forgotten this element completely, but that when catherine finds out her original self had been killed by crewmates (lol. amongst) for being set on carrying out the plan for the ark, Her Project, (i.e. launching it into space (risking that launch going incorrectly) vs keeping it on site at the bottom of the ocean here (theoretically less risky, according to at least the crewmate who killed her about her insisting on launching it anyways)) and catherine's copy / now alternate self comments on being like, a bit disappointed And surprised b/c like she says "i knew they didn't like me, but," like not thinking that dislike would lead to a semi accidental killing her (where apparently the guy who killed her may have been wearing the like powered diving suit w/the extra Strength to operate in the water pressure, like oh didn't mean to hit her That hard. in a different soma already) and seeing other ppl (not in universe) commenting on how it sure did seem to be culmination of like "the way others treated her" and how catherine always mentioned like, never having really had friends including as a crewmate here, being an Introvert....in fact, now i'm remembering that catherine doesn't even say "i knew they didn't like me, but" but rather something very close to "i know i'm not easy to like, but" like, aaaugh....like, as ever, a character or a Real Life Person sharing any particular info like "i'm [xyz]" Isn't Required for just trying to always not be ableist and to always treat other people as people even if they don't "just be normal" correctly enough, supposedly. rather than [what is "just being normal" is Correct & Good and you do Not need to undergo a continuous lifelong journey of in fact questioning this & navigating & learning how to communicate & interact & relate, you just need to fleetingly muster some superficial unhelpful Bonus efforts sometimes when you encounter the rare "exception" like someone who hands you their License To Autiste and you can let them keep their fidget cube and continue treating everyone you encounter ever organic aba style]....like, naturally in the game there's no twist where catherine turns out to be Evil or even antagonistic. she's like, patient, encouraging, friendly, helpful all throughout. she's also, ofc, simon's only guide (adding to the suspense of that [my god. my only guide was evil, and/or just my antagonist now anyways]) so he doesn't really get to pick someone he'd Like more. but that like, lifelong matter of why catherine doesn't Get to have had friends. that even as this professional associate she's treated differently, and worse, b/c you have to personally like someone & find them charming & je ne sais quoissy to Not be worse to them? it's fine to be shitty until catherine can, say, say "i've noticed you're being kind of shitty. it's probably b/c i'm autistic, officially, which i'm choosing to share with you & am now presenting my license about it, so maybe be cool about it" and then and only then go "oh ok" and Make The Exception rather than shifting your entire shitty Rule (they also would not actually really make the exception. "shoutout" too to the concept that, of course, it's actually Disrespectful to stop hating autistic ppl b/c you should treat them The Same as anyone else, and you're bringing that organic ABA all the time as part of your "just be normal" ethos life, so be sure to keep being an asshole to them & double empathy probleming putting all the depletion, extraction, punishment, losses, harms on them and all the rewards on yourself)

and like, catherine being killed b/c she was this Body who was going to take away the ark (her project / creation, which she was also just insisting on following what'd always been the plan for) wherein like, even if this guy didn't mean to kill her, he sure did after lashing out at her, same as happens w/simon in the end....and catherine also failing to be thee most "normal/default" version of a person as well by being a Woman, and probably not white either, and, of course, a nonwhite woman, also making her that much more vulnerable to being Out Of Line(tm) by just like, existing as a person & trying to do her shit, though misogyny, racism, orientalism or the like isn't explicitly invoked or especially implicitly hinted at that hard either, but it's like, how does this [scifi magical realism set in the not That distant future but material made in the way less distant past, i.e. all intents & purposes modern / current day of: in the 2010s] have Relevance beyond "would that be fucked up or what" type Invention that doesn't map on to our experiences at all....you don't Have to read into catherine twice being killed by a man who's lashing out b/c she's not delivering what he wants, but you sure don't Have to Not and be like "this is definitely No Misogyny world" like they're still being implicitly ableist b/c she's just not deemed Winsomely Likable enough, she's internalized that with that "i'm not easy to like" framing, why assume a premise of [misogyny is over] [racism is over] etc. whilest soma doesn't really proffer any scenario of like "oh if it weren't for our being able to perceive our designated Physical Differences in our human bodies, all that oppression would be over," that's not being explored even in the specific situation of its plot in the first place; people on the ark seem to have the simulation of the same bodies they originally did, ppl Can retain like, how they'd move, their voices, their sense of their bodies: elements of their physicality. and, you know, whether one even supposes there Is any meaningful body/mind division, though in soma it Is this premise like oh yeah we can digitize your psyche perfectly okay, such that your copy would experience no disruption in that Sense Of Selfness, which is what makes everything particularly like, whoah, and [wow this is just like soma] whenever something kind of invokes similar enough What Ifs but probably less engagingly lol....while also soma is flexible and spacious in letting you interpret shit, you Can defer from fisting wau to death, you don't have to be like "it's so true. thee horrors" abt the Copies Of Selves, who really just become Others to whatever now-other versions of that person, i.e. how catherine, who, as the person who wanted to scan copies of ppl's psyches & put them in a just chilling simulation server launched into space for the Chance of being copy/pasted elsewhere eventually and the chance for the participants to Exist in some form Now, and who did so, is never like, shocked or freaked out by the notion / reality of these copies' existence even though she didn't set out figuring any scans' uploads would end up on the ocean floor stations, she's not aghast & distressed in the end when after having uploaded her latest Self data to the ark & launched it, she's also Not on the ark and Still in the eventually / doomed ocean floor station, even if it's a bummer, b/c she has already just accepted That's How It Works....this [her] was not going to experience being Transferred, like she's Been saying, like she again tells simon while he's blowing up abt [why wasn't i transferred]....just clearly being an example of like, not everyone is like horrified and freaked out and like "that's fake &/or wrong" and you don't have to decide she's incorrect for being Like That, i.e. like, yep, this is the situation, i know there's the me who was killed and the me on the ark and the me here, and i know also we're also for intents and purposes separate people

all that is to say, like, yeah the Scifi What If specific [you can copy/paste your consciousness into a different soma] is there, but also you can be looking at it as just this like, pushing to thee limit of the Self(tm) and the Other(tm) insofar as imagining yourself, as the only Internality / Mind / Selfhood you have access to, as The One True Real Self and all Others as mere somas/bodies, whether you take that to as dehumanizing an extreme as you can or you just put some double standards on Others / treat them as lesser/less Real, or oh but just Sometimes, in Some Cases, which is fine and relevant to anything, rather than what's fine and relevant being to always be aware that everyone's Otherness is a matter of perspective, you're the Other to everyone else, everyone is just as The Self as everyone else, You Could Be That Other, that other Is [you] to themself, you are the "that could be you" to them....with soma, it can just be elevated to "that Other WAS you from 0.5 mmsec ago, and continues to be them, b/c they didn't experience any disruption in their existence, though now you're both in different situations of: different locations, different bodies, the awareness there's that Other Self over there now, possibly the difference of killing that self you were just copied from so you can go on feeling like the One Real Self"....but wherein like, that's just like, [What If: you Were able to wholly & accurately Know the self inside an Other? b/c it's you from 5 min ago] of like, scenarios like [what if you time traveled 5 min into the past] except wherein that case there's usually the efforts to Resolve(tm) the timeline of that One True Self one way or another, ultimately. or is there. obviously who's positing that soma is the only material to be About the "whoa lol. me as an other" concept made scifily literal or anything

anyways that like, it creates that situation wherein one Can point & go "literally literally me" but also simultaneously one Can go "that's Not literally me arrrgh" or "that's also Not literally me, matter of factly"....simon's wrangling with the Othering of his One True Self, but he can also Know, should he choose to shift to that perspective, that all the Others who aren't alternate copies of him are all Another True Selves, An Other True Self even, though ofc as per the nature of not having a collective consciousness, he Doesn't Know the accurate whole of their psyches b/c he was not ever [literally them], but he doesn't need to to know they're just as [a whole psyche in there] as his own have been. original catherine with her fellow original crewmates being othered enough by them for the dehumanization of treating her worse, her being isolated, that indeed her being killed doesn't feel separate from all that by her or by anyone else, just an escalated extreme final fatal manifestation of it, b/c nobody ever liked her in the first place and then she became a (psyche Piloting a) body getting in the way of what one guy with amplified strength at that moment wanted from the project she made to let others' psyches keep existing in some way, which was deemed valuable enough by that guy to want to commandeer it and keep it at the bottom of the ocean versus risk a launch, regardless of how you the player think of the idea

and thinking of the way you can like, effectively befriend that boxy underwater little propellered Regular Simple Robot Helper that follows you around at some point, that is, of course it can't talk to you, it's definitely Just(tm) this not-ever-a-version of a human robot for practical tasks (dyspeptical tasks, clerical tasks, hysterical tasks) and like, imagine Its interiority, get invested, try to protect it, humanize it regardless....whereas with actual humans, and their psyches in a microchip, you can kill them for not perfectly delivering whatever you wanted even when that's not what other humans ever exist to do. then simon loses the Company he still could've Gotten From catherine, [guy who killed original catherine] didn't succeed in keeping the ark unlaunched, b/c that's what you go and do....but really just thinking of that Thread that feels so extremely relevant of like, catherine copy being simon's only option sure and working With him on this mission until we stay with the edition of him who realizes it didn't lead to his escape onto the ark, i.e. always being in relation to him in a manner of a direct practical teamup & a [take it or leave it] sole option for that anyways....but that in her original, human-bodied life, she was always "oh only a little bit" dehumanized by everyone such that she is very much aware of the way that's defined & limited her life, never had friends, i know i'm difficult to like; until that dehumanization escalated to the extreme of trying to hit her to stop her from seeing her project through, and just happening to kill her, and the fact that this seems to no one just a coincidental whoopsie of a fate just entirely disconnected from the way others always saw her and treated her as this Other among others, while other [psyche/soma]s of others who are clearly not Your Self get to have friends and not be isolated and feel hard to like forever and end up killed by coworkers

tl;dr like love a text just inviting plenty of interpretations and lenses and perspectives, ofc gonna look at it like whoa it's anarchy in there (political cats sense) where are the borders where you are thee self above thee other....soma providing that thinnest boundary of like, yeah that mf over there? there but for the [being in a different body, in a different place, with 7 seconds of negligibly different life experience] go ye. but also the usual boundary of "that person is in a different body in a different place with a different whole life but you're [that] to them and they're just as much a person and a self and an other as you are" like catherine center of the game to me

(* just remembered i had these asterisks: sure enjoying how the premise of amnesia games effectively creates Alternate Selves b/w the protagonist's present self, with however much missing time, and past selves whose goings on are completely relevant to the in media res situation you're also tackling while obtaining pieces of that past to priovide further context/info, and how this premise manifests for different stories each time; you've even got oswald like physically divided into Two Selves in a:amfp, though iirc it's not like, psychically equivalent, kinda "regular oswald & nefarious destroy the world duplicitous oswald" lmao, classic....uhh and shoutout to penumbra being similar ish in that the protagonist's story isn't want's relevant, he's trying to find out what happened to his dad and more broadly the like underground pocket world he enters for those answers? iirc....but that soma shares that amnemonic premise of [intro] [suddenly like ???] [having to navigate your present mission & figure out the past & your Missing time] but like, thee respective Lores don't overlap really, soma obviously starts present day and takes an even more obvious leap into a future / completely different location, rather than amnesia games being set in the past with missing time of like, idk months? to even just days, uhh supposedly like [forever] in justine but that's like, i dunno sure lol, the peak mysterious / withheld protagonist really, on purpose. while naturally there's also the fact that, technically, this simon we are following at the start of the game did not actually forget anything, and that's a fun distinction despite that it otherwise initially seems like the same [amnesia] premise....and that he did kind of ""forget"" things in that original simon lived however much longer before dying, that his scan then ofc didn't retroactively include. so once again it's like, well, in amnesia ppl have likewise kind of rewound to a Past Self before the missing [crucial context to your in media res misadventure] time, w/daniel (and justine) even doing this On Purpose, though as is the nature of the amnesia series, everyone regains enough of that missing info about their goings on anyways, though you the player are Not in a story of like "wow they did Exactly the same thing again and ended up in the same place anyways" and Do get to kinda choose who they are / indeed end up with some Alternate Self, potentially, despite there being plenty of room wherein like, it's not precisely, granularly laid out Exactly Who They Are at any point anyways. only just now getting extra amnemonic lore that yes daniel got all fucked up on vitae rituals b/c that's just what happens! and people are fairly horny for it! always a possible interpretation that he was high on vitae (okay one proffered pronunciation of "curriculum vitae" (which i was like lord i feel like i've gone "what tf is that" about before but what tf is that. turns out it's what CV stands for as your specifically educational resumé) does say "vitae" would, in that case, rhyme with "nigh." other sources are listing like a million different combinations of a million different ways to pronounce each syllable. also they gotta say it a way in the game but i forget. daniel's VA apparently being some chemistry teacher? just like alchemy. not what the pope said to do, weird science, it's my creation....) anyways! the psyches diverge, the bodies don't, unless they do (oswald....uhh the guy in the bunker. lambert :( ) like catching up with The Self again, encountering extreme examples of Othering and Dehumanizing and [you are just like only a soma to me] with various means and ends of acting thusly to get xyz results

[elanorx]

What I find frustrating about the "conservationist" argument of: maybe if there were less humans it would be easier for the planet, and everything would be better... is that while it might, it dismisses the people who would die.

The people who will die due to climate change are not the rich and the financers of the super corporations (they'll be just the same they are now), it would be the common and poor people, those who go day by day living with less than the bare minimum... And all of them dying would have effects on nature, like... decomposition? heard of it?

And all of that dying would do little to clean up several of the messes we already have, and while without intervention nature would do its thing and go back... do you think the rich (who would survive) would invest on cleaning the mess and giving everyone left decent wages for doing that work? I don't see it happening, I've seen too much of human nature and selfishness to be that hopeful about an apocalypses scenario making us work for the betterment of all of humankind.

Plus, the trauma of it, we can speculate about what would happen to human society because there have been catastrophes before and we should check on those to learn a bit of what humans do when facing one/many. All that people dying wouldn't mean that humanity learned the lesson, or that the knowledge we (humankind) have collected would be preserved and used... Just like what happened when the Roman Empire in Europe went down, there was a lot of knowledge lost in the process -a very urbanized society went rural again and lots of knowledge was lost, and later the Bubonic Plague - it had HUGE effects for the people who survived it... Of course there was more land for the few survivors, but can you picture being the sole survivor of your family/community? what would that do to someone's psyche? We know a lot about PTSD and CPTSD now. THAT.

Like, it will happen anyway, probably, we don't have evidence of the great decisions makers changing their minds about how the economy works and what the big corporations and countries do about climate change... not in a meaningful way.

But what I find worse. Is that I've heard that idea coming from normal people, not rich, no more special than me or the guy who works on the street outside my office or the farmers who produce the food we eat... And I don't think they stopped to consider that the people hypothetically dying are actual people.

Those are human lives, wonderful people everywhere who would be no more. Parents, children, grandparents, friends, neighbours, colleagues... they are someone to their communities, to their families.

I'm not prepared to assign those lives a value in a scale of "this one deserves to live, this one not", and that's not dependant of any scale... I don't feel like I have that right over anyone and I find it baffling that anyone would suggest it, to me it's cold and inhuman.

Plus: it's a lottery, it could be any of us. We're not safe because we know it's coming, nobody is safe. Not even the rich, even if they got the means to get away of danger zones and such... that's the thing about natural catastrophes - nobody knows if they'll strike where you are, and even with bunkers and such, you're not guaranteed a survival or a living after it.

[knickynoo]

“Back to the Future”: Thoughts, commentary, and general ramblings on the (bonkers) novel by George Gipe. Pt 6

Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

- After figuring out the inner workings of the DeLorean, Doc looks through the suitcase his future self had packed. (This is actually a deleted scene from the movie that I'm glad was cut) And anyway, Doc is surprised to find that all the clothes are cotton, but...hmm, Doc, maybe that's because you have an allergy to synthetic fabrics?? Perhaps that's why all the clothes in the suitcase are cotton?? Just a theory.

He does also say that he assumed everyone would be wearing paper garments in the future, so I guess that's why he's surprised.

- OKAY, okay. So, I LOVE this part. When Doc runs off in a panic after discovering they'll need 1.21 gigawatts to power the flux capacitor, the novel makes a point of mentioning that the room he runs into is his painting room. And instead of going straight to his picture of Thomas Edison, Doc starts frantically painting, "like a malfunctioning windmill".

Marty hurries in after him all, what are you doing?? and Doc explains that he always paints when he can't figure out a problem. And I can't tell you how quickly I've become attached to a Doc who, along with being so science-minded, is also very artistically inclined. The idea of Doc having a dedicated room to do his painting and using it as an outlet to work out complicated problems is such an enjoyable thought to have floating around in my noggin.

Also, ALSO. This:

Along with this whole exchange being really funny and sweet, I just can't get over Marty being like, Slap some green on there, Doc, and Doc immediately calming down at the sight of it smeared all over the canvas. This should've been in the movie.

- Book Doc is in the habit of calling Marty "my boy" which is such an endearing term that I also wish would've been in the movie. I believe Doc in the Telltale video game/IDW comic also does this with Marty at least once.

- Onto the next gem (because these 2 chapters just seem to be full of them). Please enjoy this conversation that's spurred on by Doc asking if Marty had interacted with anyone else during the day. Gotta include another picture because me summarizing it simply wouldn't do it justice.

It's just. I laughed out loud, people. Marty sarcastically mouths off, Doc scolds him and then proceeds to pose an absurd scenario that ends with Marty having hypothetically killed someone. All because of fifty cents. And I can see this scene playing out. I can so clearly picture Marty going all pale and wide-eyed and being like, "I'm a MURDERER" over some ridiculous, made-up story Doc's just told.

- In terms of all the 50's clothes Marty acquires, I've tended to be partial to the headcanon of Marty tagging along with Doc to pick out things he liked. Realistically, though, I figured Doc likely did the shopping solo--not wanting Marty to be out and interacting with people unnecessarily, which is the case in the novel. Doc just gets his sizes and runs out on a shopping spree. And you know what? I also like the concept of Doc being the one to pick the outfits. Given Doc's own, um, eccentric taste in clothing (Hawaiian shirts and that shirt with the random, jumbled up letters) he picks out some nice clothes for his new young friend. Very hip. Very cool. Good job, Doc.

- Marty loves the clothes but is very against putting the Vaseline hair tonic in his hair on account of he's suspicious of the ingredients and is afraid it'll give him cancer. Doc assures him it's a required part of blending in and that's it's very fashionable and cool. Marty is like, "Well, then how come you don't use it?", to which Doc's reply is, "It's also very flammable." And I am obsessed with the fact that Doc's answer is that he can't wear it in his hair because it's FLAMMABLE and the implication that he knows he will, at some point, set himself on fire, so better to reduce his level of combustability.

And I'm reminded of that picture I see floating around every so often of the deleted scene where Marty is combing his hair--which he does here in the book right after the above banter. Makes me sad that we potentially could've had the above conversation about the hair gel, but it was stolen from us. :((

Alrighty, that's all for now. More nonsense to come.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Oh my god I just realized something. The argument Chris had with Callie was so frustrating and I just kept thinking "if only she knew" and I haven't been able to get that out of my mind, I hate her so much - I've been coming up with scenarios in my head where she somehow learns about Chris' past, but it always ends with "oh well, there's no way to do that without putting Chris in danger, too bad." But if Chris and Akio go through with the plan... she's going to know. SHE'LL KNOW AND I'M SO HYPED

(Anon is referencing This Isn’t Hypothetical For Chris, “Can You Come Get Me?”, No Words, Drop (BTHB: Wrapped in Blankets), Callie’s Apology)

This won't appear in the actual Speak Out pieces (I don't plan any from Callie's POV) but I can't help myself but write out a teensy little look into that moment just for fun:

"Callie?" Her little sister's voice rises to a pitch and an urgency that catches her attention as she shakes the cheesy seasoning onto the popcorn she just dumped into a bowl, hot from the microwave. "You're gonna want to see this!"

Callie blinks, picking up the bowl and hurrying back into the media room with it held close to her chest. Blair is on the couch, curled into the corner of the huge sectional with a fluffy blanket spread over herself. One of the family's pets is sitting next to her - with Ashton, her little brother, next to him - and the other pet is in an armchair reading a magazine. Callie fights the urge to tell them to get down on the floor where they belong. Ashton and Blair will throw a fit if she does, and without any of the rest of the family to back her up, they'll just make Callie look like the bad guy all over again.

"What?" She asks, settling onto the other end of the couch, as far from the pets as she can. She, at least, can keep her dignity.

Ashton leans against the pet's side, and Renfro's arm is around the young teenager. if Mom and Dad were here, they'd never stand for it, but Callie just doesn't have the energy for the fight that would result if she tried to get Ashton or Blair to act right. She's just here finishing up summer break, anyway.

"There's some kind of weird thing happening at the press conference," Blair says, twining a bit of hair around her finger, watching the enormous television fixed to the wall wide-eyed. "They've handed out a bunch of papers to reporters and everyone just went nuts."

"Isn't that Akio Nakamura? The gold medalist?"

"Yeah, that's him." Blair frowns, squinting. "What's on those papers? 'The truth... about... WRU.''

Renfro and the other pet - Alexandria - tense up nearly in unison. Alexandria puts her magazine down, carefully. Callie glances first at one and then other other. "Maybe we should turn this off," Callie says uneasily. "We wouldn't want to upset the pets."

"No fucking way," Blair says, and pulls the remote under the blankets, hidden from Callie's sight. "I want to hear this."

"Me, too," Ashton says, and Callie sees him take Renfro's hand and hold on tight.

"Mom and Dad would ground you for a week if they saw that," Callie snaps, and Ashton only rolls his eyes and snuggles even harder into Renfro's side. He treats the pets like they're more his parents than his parents are, and Callie knows she should say something to her mom and dad about it, but they're never home, and she has no idea how to bring that up over the phone.

"It's just some pet lib stunt," Callie says. Her voice trembles a little. "Just turn it off, Blair."

"No."

"Do it-... wait. Is that-" Callie leans forward, and feels her stomach drop somewhere around her knees. "Oh, wow. I know that guy."

"Which one? Akio Nakamura? You do not."

"No, not-... behind him. The redhead. I know him. He used to have blue hair, but... he was in one of my classes. He got kicked out of the class after he threw a big fit about pets one day." She swallows against a faint prickle of residual guilt at her own part in making that happen. "This is definitely a pet lib stunt. I knew it. I knew he was into that shit, I knew it."

"Lots of people are," Blair says. "We have a club at school. My friend Deandra's dad is the senator who keeps trying to pass a law outlawing it."

"When you say we have a club, you can't possibly mean you're in it, Blair. Dad made all his money writing encryption software for WRU and pet companies. How would that look, his own kid being in a pet lib club?"

Blair ignores her, watching the television screen with intense focus. Callie thinks that, whatever is about to happen, she probably doesn't want to hear whatever it is that this line of twelve athletes - and Chris, Chris from college, who got himself all fucked up and kicked out of a class over pets - has to say.

She pushes herself to her feet, bowl of popcorn forgotten, and is about to leave when she hears a clear voice, Akio Nakamura, say, "The rumors are true. WRU kidnaps people. And we - all of us here - can prove it."

Callie slowly sinks back down onto the couch, breath in her throat.

[cata-linaa]

Hello, how are you? Okay, well not gonna lie it's my first time requesting anything, so I would like to request a match-up. If possible. :) If I have any mistakes you are more than welcome to correct me or tell me to do it again.

I am 20 years old, female and from Germany. I study medicine, am in the 2nd year. I can speak five languages and am currently learning Icelandic - I don't know why to be all honest- and love to read and draw in my free time. I am also in a MMA club, it's my fourth year now -it's a miracle that I'm still alive, hahaha- and I've played football for seven years. Because of the pandemic we are not allowed to participate in any sports, so I'm rather at home and studying. I also love volleyball, not gonna lie, I've watched HQ because of it. I never played volleyball professionally but I would like to. The adrenaline when I play with some friends is indescribable! To my personality, well I am really "direct", if something doesn't add up in my mind I would not hesitate to tell my opinion. I am a really good listener and give amazing advices, in my 20 years I've been through a lot, my mind is like a 70 year old person's. Due some traumatic experiences, I've developed depression and its best friend anxiety. Even though I have the feeling that I have no friends -which I have but, I don't know how to explain, it's more like you try to keep the friendship up, ya know?- I have depression and anxiety right next to me as my friends, they come and go to check up on me can't deny their effort for that. Damn, I wrote a lot. However, to the last things, I have brown hair and hazel-green eyes. If you want to know anything else -which I don't think- Hahaha.

I wish you a nice day! ❤

hello hello! sorry this is so late, my life is VERY funny, and by funny i mean I’m a piñata, and life is a blindfolded child with their older sibling’s metal baseball bat. But i’m hopefully going back to my semi-sporadic schedule, maybe posting once every week or two, or if i’m feeling extra inspire-y i’ll do more :)

yo anon you’re legitimately one of the coolest people ever from this description alone my smoker lungs could never do sports tf i’m jealous-

anyways, are you ready…. to…..RUMBLLLLLLLEEEEE?!!!

i match you with… 

HAJIME IWAIZUMI (27) ATHLETIC TRAINER (woooooo!!)

Lucky lucky you!!! (this got very long I got carried away-)

Listen, I can already TELL this one is gonna be a good one

You’re a polyglot? He could listen to you speak all day, he would even try to help you learn another language with flash cards, even if he has no idea, you’re you, it’s important! 

He can’t draw, but he sits at the kitchen table with you nevertheless, and has some fancy art paper and materials for you (because you deserve it) and some 8x11 printer paper and a 12 pack of colored pencils he purchased form the local corner store. He often wants to draw you, the warped ms paint-looking drawings are quite charming, and you find yourself keeping them in your bag, or on your desk. 

You in turn, give him a portrait you drew over the course of a while to him as a part of a birthday gift, and he brings it wherever his job takes him, pressed neatly in a clipboard or notebook, he sometimes brushes his fingers over the lines drawn by you as if it was strands of your hair

Imagine this real quick: medicine??? Being an athletic trainer??? those studies are kind of similar, so y’all would meet in class hypothetically in the weird idea bank that is my head

Iwa is a complete sucker for interesting features in someone, green eyes? He will melt, and thinks about your eyes and how they light up when you smile, when you look at him he genuinely loses his train of thought and starts to lose his cool and stutter a little bit, oikawa teases him a lot about it, you two are close and 

it’s a match made in hell when you two go party together, and you guys have to get Iwa to come pick you guys up (i feel like every writer on here has made a post about this very scenario, its just canon at this point)

When you had your football games, (idk what position you play but i hope you mean the soccer kind of football bc thats what i’m imagining) he’s always at the edge of his seat on the side of the field, if you score a goal/block a goal he stands up and he’s cheering for you, or even better, when you look at him, he has the most supportive look In his eyes, and smiles at you, and shit, the other team knows they can’t stand a chance now. 

When you’re doing MMA, he finds that SO HOT PLS- 

Forbid if you ever get hurt while doing sports, he will run to your sides where he is watching you and make sure everything is okay, because he can’t have someone else go through that, not on his watch ouch lmao sorry

you two often play sports together in the park or something, maybe a morning run or two to keep yourselves active during the pandemic (can you tell i’ve barely ever even thought about athletics i’m so sorry) 

You guys definitely have one of those friend groups where you do shit like climb a mountain or do a bootcamp for fun and post it on social media

The two of you look GOOD in athleticwear together. 

strong people are his absolute weakness, both physical and mentally

When he sees you caught up in a rant, even if its about something serious, a part of him smiles, since that passionate energy is what attracted him to you in the first place

when you told oikawa that he looked ugly in the outfit he picked out, Iwa laughed so hard he couldn’t fucking BREATHE for like ten minutes

On a more serious note, when you’re not feeling your best, he stops everything to make you feel better. One call and he could be on the next car ride, bus, train, or flight home, ready to tell you that you are loved and valid. Everyone loves your presence, he reminds you, and if your’e comfortable with it, he invites oikawa and the rest of your friend group for a self-care/movie night, just to show you just how much everyone wants to be around and how they and him will just show up to you, no matter what. 

He’s your safe space, and wants to spend every part of his life with the thing that matters most- you. 

[yaz-the-spaz]

I'm sure you've noticed me stalking your blog these past two days lol and I have another question if you dont mind. In my last ask you said you had some theories about zayn leaving ot4vszayn etc and I was wondering if you would expand upon them? If you dont want to write it all out, you can point me towards certain tags or other blogs if you want. I've been looking through your tags and have found a lot but I wanted to know if there is something that might be more like a timeline of sorts? Thx!!

hey there! here i finally am, so sorry to have kept you waiting but i hope this reply finds you well! :) 

now onto your questions…

so as far as a timelines @bakagamieru has some really good masterposts (x, x) that i would recommend checking out that really break things down play-by-play and i think most of which was compiled as it was happening so it’s a super great (and super detailed) documentation of all the shit that was going down during that period and all the narrative inconsistencies and stunts and back and forth, etc. they’re quite long though and, like i said, very detailed so i would recommend making sure you have plenty of time on your hands before you get sucked down a masterpost and link rabbit hole lol

and for more thoughts/theories of mine i would say check my zayn vs. ot4 tags (x, x - sorry there’s multiple iterations of this, apparently sometimes i had put a period after vs and sometimes i didn’t and now i have two tags smh at my own damn irritating inconsistency)

now onto the meat of your question, which is my current theories on zayn leaving/the zayn vs. ot4 narrative which i’m gonna put as a read more cause i’m not in the mood for ppl coming for me if they disagree, so read at your own risk folks…

so over the years there’s four main theories that i’ve personally gone back and forth over, which i’m gonna summarize quickly and try and explain as succinctly as i can my thoughts on each one and my opinion on the likelihood of it holding credence

disclaimer before i get into the explanations - a large part of my reasoning has to do with the caveat of there possibly being any kind of real tension or bad blood between zayn and louis in particular or any of the other boys. not saying that it was necessarily actually the case, just that it was a potential factor that went into my rationale and personal mental debate over the whole situation

he was coerced in some shape or form to leave and instead of fighting it, went along with it (maybe b/c he was already unhappy) - if there ever was actually any real animosity between him and louis (or harry/niall), this could explain why louis (or the others) might have hypothetically been mad at him b/c he might have felt that zayn could’ve/didn’t fight hard enough or went along with it too easily. but all that aside, even if there was no tension between him and louis/the boys, this option makes a lot of sense because given all he talked about going through in the band (depression, the e.d., too much pressure, not having control or being able to do what he wanted, the intense and rampant closeting putting a strain on his relationship, etc.) it’s not hard to see how he might’ve felt this was the best and only option

he was coerced into leaving, tried to fight it but couldn’t (and possibly even knew for a while that it was coming) - this wouldn’t explain why louis (or the others) might have hypothetically been mad at him but instead does put more credence into the fact that that was completely contrived and pushed by mgmt, and is also just as likely as #1 to me for pretty much the same reasons, not to mention it explains some shady things that happened in the months leading up to it re him not being there for certain promo obligations and appearances, etc.

he was coerced into leaving and had absolutely no choice about it and no way to fight it (i.e. didn’t necessarily want to leave but still knew for a while that it was coming) - pretty much same reasoning as above for this one, the only difference being that in this scenario he wouldn’t have wanted to leave at all which given all he went through i just don’t know if i believe that was wholly the case (more on this below) 

he chose to leave completely on his own - although it would explain any lingering animosity, this to me is the least likely in large part because i just have a hard time believing he would have chosen all on his own to just up and leave in the middle of a tour, not to mention been allowed to (esp given that they would’ve all known they had the hiatus coming up not long after and were about to go the countries where zayn specifically probably have had the biggest following/fan support - the middle east and north africa). but even if he hypothetically really did choose it all on its own it’s hard for me to believe that he would have even been able to leave like that unless there was some element of complacency from their mgmt that allowed it to happen and then you have to wonder why would they just let 1/5 of their biggest money maker walk away with no law suits, no drama, no nothing. it stinks of a larger plan at play which is what brings me back to the theories above. 

those are the main theories that i’ve gone back and forth on and i’ve never really been able to settle on just one, but to me given all that he expressed after leaving the most likely are the first two. i think all of the boys were pretty much done with how they were being treated, but zayn especially so, and it’s very easy for me to see how, when the opportunity arose he might have accepted because he felt it was the best way to save himself (as in his mental and physical health) and possibly also his relationship, though whether that acceptance was with a little (theory #1) or lot (theory #2) of initial opposition on his part, who’s to say. however, i definitely believe that, regardless of the details, there was some element of seeding and/or coercion from tptb, esp when considered in context with the shadiness of certain things, like him not being at certain events that he should’ve legally been obligated to be at in the months leading up to his leaving if no one but him knew he was planning on leaving. or him crying at the last concert that he performed at. those do not seem to be like the actions of a man who wanted to leave completely of his own accord and without any degree of finessing by mgmt to orchestrate it. when you’re a mega popstar in the biggest band in the world you don’t just not show up to something. that’s the type of situation where people will literally come to your house and drag you out of bed because you’re costing them a shit ton of money (like millions of dollars worth of money) by not being there. there’s tons of stories of rock stars where managers or someone from their team would literally go bang down a missing band member’s door, shove them in the shower to sober them up or help them whatever they needed to do, and drag their ass on stage to perform or to a press event or whatever. so you can bet that nothing less, if not the same, would be done for a missing member of a multi-billion-dollar-making band if need be. 

so yeah zayn just not showing up for promo events and performances in the months leading up to his leaving? not believable to me at all. the only conceivable reason for him not to have been there is if mgmt didn’t want him there and the only reason (at least that i can think of) for why you wouldn’t 1/5 of your biggest money-maker to be somewhere he should have been legally obligated to be (and that might’ve cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars for him not to be) is if he wasn’t legally obligated to be there because you were already in the process of phasing him out. ergo it was very likely planned. months in advance. and if it was planned months in advance with the help and orchestration of mgmt then that story of him just deciding to up and leave is complete bs and makes it even more likely to me that there was a level of coercion (because again if 1/5 of your biggest money maker suddenly says to you ‘i wanna leave’ you’re gonna do everything in your power to make him stay so you can keep making money, not help phase him out. unless of course you want him out, which they clearly did.)

one last thing i wanna add is a link to a post i had saved that i feel adds a bit of further credence to all this, it’s nothing concrete but it’s something that helped solidify some things for me when i was a giant ball of confusion over what to believe

anyway, i know that i rambled on forever and this definitely did not end up being as succinct or brief as i had hoped (though lbr when is anything i do ever), but i hope this at least sort of answered your questions and made some amount of sense/was not too incoherent and didn’t completely bore you to death lol

[lady-of-disdain]

It’s weird. It’s so weird. I refused to watch from the beginning because I just had this gut feeling Rin was gonna be the mother, and almost everyone I interacted with on Twitter was defending that hypothetical scenario. But did we really think it would happen? In the meantime, I start another series. I like this one couple. Two consenting adults, nice chemistry. But because of fandom drama, there is a LOT of discourse on Twitter and Tumblr. People complaining over whether it is right or wrong. And I’d never been on the side of a controversial ship before so it was new. Then I come back over here and I find out I was right about Rin and I’m seeing people talking about how it’s a great show, and I’m not used to hating popular, canon ships either. It’s like, in the course of this past year and a half or whatever, I’m overrun with weird shipping situations I have never been in before and my mind is reeling. How is any of this happening? How is this reality? I’ve heard mixed things about Takahashi-sensei. Some saying she was totally involved, others saying she gave her blessing, some saying she said Sesshomaru is just a dad figure, others making it sound like in her one corner interview or whatever she talked about how his wife had a big influence on him, so idek what’s true anymore. But idk I guess sometimes even the writers can be off. It’s just so odd to see I’ve never been in either of these positions before, but suddenly I’m in them both at once. God, let this Yasahime stuff just be a bad nightmare. I watched that show when I was in middle school. Don’t taint my memories of it like this. Anyway sorry for the rant. Had to vent lol

I hope your rant made you feel better Nonny :P

If it's any consolation I like a LOT of ships that are considered "controversial", but whatever, at the end of the day it's just shipping, as the header of my blog says, ship what you want.

I've seen people try to make some of the smallest non-issue garbage into a huge deal just so they can feel validated about why they don't like a ship. It blows my mind because I'm fully of the opinion that if you don't like something that's fine, you don't NEED to defend your reasons for not liking something, you do you and I'll do me and we'll stay in our own lanes.

And when people try to use petty things like "One character is 20 and the other character is 25, that's an age gap and it's wrong, and even though these characters aren't a pair in the show people online are making fanfiction of them and should be harassed" and act like it's on the same level as "This adult man raised this girl from the age of 7 and impregnated her at 15 in the actual narrative of this show that is being marketed to children, we should tell the multi-million dollar studio that is producing this show that it's not acceptable", my bones get a little troussled too.

Granted I tend to actively hate a lot of shipping behaviors though, not just what the sauceribs have been doing in the Inuyasha fandom.

Things like fandom ship wars, and the biggest most cringe sin of all in my opinion: bothering creators to make a ship canon like they are trying to lobby politicians for rights or something. Nothing makes me want to throw all of my electronic devices into the garbage and move out to live in the mountains like seeing fans harass creators for ships.

[citycfangels]

text: raquel ⇄ charlie

Raquel: knock knock.

Raquel: nevermind forget knock knock almost jokes. Did you forget about the starving really hot girl in your apartment?

Raquel: is this is a hint for me to leave?

Raquel: maybe it isn't but I hope everything is okay. I'm worried.

Charlie: everything is okay, babe. i just ran to someone and i had to say hello

Charlie: i wouldn't forget about my almost naked, hot, starving girl.

Raquel: okay, just making sure. I wasn't thinking up crazy scenarios or anything. Nope.

Raquel: well I hope you wouldn't forget about me. Not even if you get amnesia or something. You're supposed to remember me forever.

Charlie: i wouldn't do that ever, babe.

Charlie: can i ask you something hypothetical, babe?

Raquel: well you're still away but you sure are making up for it by being cute. 😘

Raquel: ... what's the hypothetical????

Charlie: my face and my body makes it up for it, babe

Charlie: okay, i don't know how to say this so

Charlie: imagine a couple in which A and B are 'dating' but B is with C too

Charlie: what if A sees C cheating on them?

Raquel: this is a weird hypothetical. I just want you to know that.

Raquel: what are you trying to say?

Charlie: yeah, it sounds weirder that it did in my head

Charlie: i saw Nathan with another girl a moment ago. i don't know if he saw me but

Raquel: babe, nathan isn't even in town.

Raquel: I am with you and I know that I'm the bad guy in that relationship. I know you think he isn't right for me and that I should be with you, and I already said I would but you don't have to tell me he is cheating on me when he isn't even in town. He wouldn't do that to me.

Raquel: are you sure it was Nathan?

Raquel: i know how my last texts sounded and I don't want to call you a liar and I'm not it's just I was okay knowing that I was cheating on him. I was okay with being a bad person and not giving our relationship a shot. I was fine with being in love with you and not with him even when I knew I should be with him. And I know it's wrong that I might be a bit upset if that was him. I just didn't think someone would actually cheat on me. Maybe flirt with other girls or whatever but I don't know.

Raquel: shouldn't you be happy about this?

Charlie: then he lied to you.

Charlie: i know it sounds crazy but it was really him, with one of the girls that came to his promotion party. it may sound like something i'd say so you can finally break up with him, but it's not.

Charlie: no, it's not, i guess. i've never been in your position but i would have probably be upset too.

Charlie: as for me, i don't know. a part of me is because i always thought he was going to do something sooner or later to fuck things up between you two, but the other part of me doesn't want to see you upset.

Charlie: i'm sorry i'm the one breaking it to you.

Charlie: wait, did you just say you're in love with me?????

Raquel: no, if anyone had to tell me he was cheating on me I'd rather it be you.

Raquel: I'm sorry that you have to tell me and that I'm being this weird. I shouldn't care.

Raquel: I guess I'm not upset. I just I don't know. It just means our relationship went longer than it should have if we both weren't in it. It's just I was fine with being the bad person in this. It's just shocking to know that he wasn't the person I thought he was.

Raquel: of course I'm in love with you.

Charlie: no, i think it's something normal. you were in a relationship with him, even if you weren't as invested as you are in ours. still, i'm okay with you being weird about it.

Charlie: besides, i can't tell you how to feel about it. i had a feeling about him, but i hoped he was a good man. it was shocking to see him with his tongue down someone else's throat.

Charlie: damn. now i'm here smiling while looking at my phone like an idiot in the middle of the street.

Raquel: maybe I should just be happy for him. Maybe he found someone to be with just like how I'm with you.

Raquel: he is a good guy. Unless Im saying cheating makes you a bad person. I don't know because ifit does then I'm worse, right?

Raquel: then maybe you should get out of the middle of the street crazy person.

Charlie: if you tell me he is, i believe you. you're not a bad person for cheating, but there's people who won't see it the same way.

Charlie: who are you calling crazy now???

Raquel: maybe other people don't matter. At least not when it comes to this.

Raquel: I'm still calling you crazy. You're completely crazy. I'm the sane one in this relationship.

Charlie: you're right, they don't

Charlie: what did i do to deserve this attack?

Raquel: at least they don't matter when it comes to this and honestly the only person whose opinion really matters is yours

Raquel: you can't call it an attack if it's the truth.

Charlie: that's it, you just lost the privilege of seeing me cooking while naked, just wearing an apron.

Raquel: what?

Raquel: don't be a tyrannical dictator you cant just start taking things away from me. I can do that too you know. Or I can just go home.

Charlie: in that case i'm open to negotiate as soon as i'm home in a couple of minutes

Charlie: although i could do that without a problem because we're at my place, remember?

Raquel: which is exactly why I can go home if you want to start taking away reasons for me being here. There's no negotiation.

Charlie: oh, so you're there because of the nudity?

Charlie: i think i will cook with nothing under the apron then... if you're also naked.

Raquel: obviously. Nudity and the coffee and maybe the comfortable bed but that's it.

Raquel: do I really have to be naked? I was thinking of wearing a full on nun outfit for a change.

Charlie: and you're not there to see me read and look smart and sexy while i'm at it? now i'm hurt

Charlie: yes, you have. i'm not going to be the only one naked, right?

Raquel: eh maybe I am but that's just a bonus.

Raquel: depends... what are you going to do to convince me?

Charlie: for starters i'm going to cook you a decent meal instead of ordering food, whatever you want me to make with everything i bought. naked, of course, only wearing an apron

Charlie: then we'll see what happens. i haven't thought about it yet

Raquel: sounds like the beginning of a good plan.

Raquel: maybe you shouldn't overthink this. From the sounds of it food, maybe wine and you is a pretty solid plan.

Charlie: a good plan that will likely end up in sex

Charlie: i haven't bought wine but i'm sure i have something in there, you can look for it before i arrive

Raquel: Is that all you think about with me?

Raquel: I'll start the scavenger hunt now. hOpefully I find something good.

Charlie: not always, but it's what happens when i've been in my apartment with you for myself for two days in a row

Charlie: good luck, i'll be there in a few minutes

Raquel: really? So it's only because I've been here and it's not just because your mind just automatically goes to the gutter?

Raquel: So there's no weird stuff I shouldn't find? Nothing you want to hide from me?

Charlie: maaaaaybe yes, maybe not

Charlie: i have nothing to hide, what would i hide?

Raquel: I think that just means definitely yes.

Raquel: I don't know. Stuff. There could be a lot of things you can hide at your place. A collection of weird dolls, drugs, other girl's panties. The list is endless.

Charlie: busted

Charlie: i don't do drugs, i haven't fucked any other girl since we started being somewhat serious and i don't have creepy dolls. and the porn is on my laptop, so you won't find any porn either

Raquel: big time.

Raquel: Okay. I believe you. Not like you would find anything at my place if you did want to go snooping. i don't have anything from you

Charlie: i thought you'd have at least one t shirt at this point

Raquel: If I did I wouldn't be hiding it. Your t shirts are only yours while you wear them. Once they go on me they're mine.

Charlie: oh? then i'm never get them back?

Raquel: nope. They're mine now.

Charlie: well, keep them. i don't really mind you having them to be honest

Raquel: so should I take that as code for "sure babe, you can have all my shirts"?

Charlie: yes, you can have them. i can always buy new ones anyways and you look good in them

Raquel: you do know that that just means that you'll just always be buying shirts.

Charlie: i only ask you to not steal too many of them, or else i'll have none to wear

Raquel: you not wearing a shirt wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Charlie: in private, but me not wearing one in public and attracting too many girls at work? you're sure you want that?

Raquel: .... maybe I don't. You did say that you weren't seeing other girls so if we are going back to being exclusive, exclusive then they can look but they can't touch.

Charlie: i wasn't seeing other girls, so yeah, i can do that. i have no intentions of having anything with someone else if that's what you're asking

Raquel: it's not exactly what I was asking but it sorta is.

Raquel: there's just me for you and I know that now. I just wasn't sure if we were on the same page or not.

Raquel instagram post: https://78.media.tumblr.com/30e75391e84d85e259bea50f5133086d/tumblr_or6lnecFwu1w7ltgxo1_500.jpg Quellersmal When you’re completely okay with the thought of never wearing pants again. #mymanisnttheonlyonewithabs #nopantsforme #noshirtsforhim

Charlie: we are in the same page and you can have my shirts

Charlie: and by the picture you just posted, it seems like you're going pantless

Raquel: yessss I get a new part of my wardrobe.

Raquel: any objections?

Charlie: nope, no objections. you know i like your ass so much, so you won't hear a complaint from me

Charlie: it may distract me, but i won't whine about it, babe

Raquel: well distracting you is what I'm best at even if I do want you to get through your books.

Charlie: you're the best at it. your ass is distracting, especially when you're not wearing pants

Charlie: what if i don't read today and we do stuff together? watching a movie, for example

Raquel: sure we could do whatever you want. I think us taking a break from sex will actually be just what your neighbor wants. Either she is just not a nice person or she is just sick of hearing us. I went out and saw her and let's just say I didn't get a warm welcome. Hopefully for neighborly sake she is nicer to you.

Charlie: which one of them? is she the blonde one?

Raquel: yeah, I think she said her name was Candice or something.

Charlie: oh

Charlie: she's a bitch, don't pay attention to her. she's probably jealous.

Raquel: jealous? Why would she be jealous? She's a knock out and if I were completely single and in a world where you didn't exist maybe I would try to hook up with her

Charlie: i don't know, it was a guess

Charlie: i know, she's hot, but i find you hotter, babe

Raquel: I don't think I'm someone pther people would be jealous of. Even if I am pretty lucky and I have you.

Raquel: you are winning a lot of boyfriend points. But since when is leggy beautiful blonde not your type?

Charlie: yesh, you're lucky bc you're with me, but you're hot and smart, so that's hitting the jackpot

Charlie: i'll be honest with you: i hooked up with her once, she became clingy and i don't do clingy

Charlie: don't worry about her, okay? she may be jealous and bitchy but i'm with you, babe

Raquel: when did you hook up with her?

Raquel: was it when we were together?

Charlie: no

Charlie: it happened at some point in those four months after we broke up. i can't recall when, but we weren't together at that point, that's for sure

Charlie: she's the only girl i regret hooking up with, and that says a lot coming from me

Raquel: right, because you have hooked up with so many girls.

Raquel: it's not that I don't appreciate your honesty. I do. I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel knowing that some girl you hooked up with a) lives so close and b) still acts like she has some sort of claim over you.

Raquel: I guess I was okay with not knowing who you hooked up with but now it's like I can picture it. You with her and I hate it because I know I shouldn't worry. I know I should just be fine with it but right now I don't know.

Raquel: I'm not upset but maybe I should go home (unsent)

Charlie: she's pretty much aware of me not wanting anyone but you at this point, so she won't make a move. or at least i hope she doesn't pull off any shit.

Charlie: the only girl i want is you, babe. isn't that enough? she may live next door, but i wouldn't go to her ever, not even if things get rough between us.

Raquel: are you 100% sure? I don't want you to wake up one day and realize that you want her and just go next door because I am in this. There is no one else for me. What happened with Nathan and us breaking up was a mistake. I know that now and I know you're saying I'm the only girl you want now, but I don't want those to be just words. You gave me time to figure things out and if you need the same then I can give you time. I just don't want you making a decision you might regret later. She isn't the only one that can be clingy or obsessive.

Charlie: babe, why are you insecure?

Charlie: sure, she's hot, she has the legs and the body and she looks like a damn model, but that means nothing to me if she's ugly inside. you're beautiful outside too, but what makes you different from her is that i fucking like you for who you are. you're beautiful inside.

Charlie: i would never go to her, i'm 100% sure of that. i don't even need time to think about it.

Raquel: I'm insecure because the fact that you're with me still baffles me. You could be with any girl in the world.

Raquel: can you just come home please?

Charlie: i could, but i chose you

Charlie: let me take the elevator and i'll be there

Raquel: i guess I choose you too. And I'm going to keep choosing you until you get sick of me.

Raquel: chop chop.