#Anyway im personally torn on it because i do want the best for them

[sonknuxadow]

kinda funny that the new idw sonic came out when it did because i was just thinking about whether or not surge and kit would ever have a redemption arc and if thats what i want to happen

[the-cooler-king]

Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl

[stellarfoxian]

can i request v x fem human reader where it takes place during the promening episode? maybe they have a little dance together or bond during the battle with doll i guess :P

-🦷

DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY!

character: serial designation v (murder drones)

a/n: hey guys…!!!! it’s been a while !!!!!! sorry for disappearing for 296721 years i’ve been really busy and demotivated recently lmao- anyways, im not really big on doing requests but this is such a cute idea and it gave me a sudden hit of inspiration so !!! im gonna do it :3 ALSO idk when or how you end up joining the crew so that’s up to you tbh.

warnings: human x disassembly drone (if that needs to be a warning? idk i know some people don’t like that), probably ooc im sorryyy

: ̗̀➛ v inviting you to prom ? oh, you got LUCKY.

: ̗̀➛ well… i guess it wasn’t really her inviting you. she explained her plan of “kill everyone, pop uzi’s little head off!” to you and was like “well. i guess you can come too or whatever.”

: ̗̀➛ and…. Depending on your personality you end up going with her to either make sure she doesn’t kill people or to help her kill people. fun !

: ̗̀➛ as for your outfit, n brought it back when he got his and v’s outfit !

: ̗̀➛ so, you go with her after she beheads n, (he’s fine. You hope.) the worker drones are SUPER curious about you. like what the hell are you doing here human. uzi already wasn’t very fond of you and you’re getting kinda nervous with all these stares.

: ̗̀➛ v notices, because of course she does.

: ̗̀➛ “just ignore them. they’re jealous of how fabulous you look.”

: ̗̀➛ she says as you step up backstage with her, waving at lizzy.

: ̗̀➛ this isn’t about her, but lizzy’s pretty chill with you.

: ̗̀➛ ANYWAYS! you probably know how this goes. v steps up to do her speech, gets crucified by doll. you try to help, but get THROWN by doll and her solver powers. Ouch. (you’re fine, trust.)

: ̗̀➛ after uzi and n pop in and n and v both get torn to pieces, you rush over to help them, picking up v’s arm- which she grabs from you.

: ̗̀➛ “MINE.”

: ̗̀➛ Okay, V.

: ̗̀➛ you’re just as mad at lizzy as she is. that traitor!

: ̗̀➛ fast forwarding to when everything is over, v wants to stay with you, so she convinces n and uzi to let her stay behind.

: ̗̀➛ though the music is kinda… janky, now that the boombox has been messed with, she holds her hand out to you.

: ̗̀➛ “wanna dance?”

: ̗̀➛ you’re kinda stunned. you didn’t know v liked to dance. or that she knew how to, actually.

: ̗̀➛ “do you… know how to dance?” you ask her in confusion.

: ̗̀➛ “…well, no. but it’s not too late to learn. just say yes before i change my mind!”

: ̗̀➛ so you take her hand. it’s a little hard to dance with a disassembly drone, considering that you’re a human, but you do your best! and it goes quite well, even though you stumble a bit.

: ̗̀➛ dancing with her is a learning experience for both of you, even if you already know how to dance. you have to learn how to dance with a drone now, so it takes some getting used to. but you manage!

: ̗̀➛ she learns pretty quickly, matching your movements almost perfectly.

: ̗̀➛ but eventually, you both tire out. so you call it a day and start to head back to the landing pod, holding her hand.

: ̗̀➛ wait.

: ̗̀➛ holding her hand?

: ̗̀➛ it took v a good while to realize she was holding your hand. and when she did, she pulled it away immediately. don’t take offense to it! she’s just embarrassed. you can tell by the blush lines on her visor…

: ̗̀➛ “i don’t want your human cooties.” she’d say, crossing her arms.

: ̗̀➛ i know what you are, v.

: ̗̀➛ you get back to the landing pod before n and uzi, and she turns to you before going to do her own thing.

: ̗̀➛ “i… i had fun. thanks.”

: ̗̀➛ and just like that, she’s off.

[redrandomposts]

LMAO YES ACTUALLY bc i literally CANNOT stop thinking abt the alnst x orv crossover it's insane

till wants to sponsor ivan so he can help protect the bastard but ivan's been advised by dokja to not take this mysterious constellation that they know nothing about of, so ivan remains sponsorless for most of the scenarios until dokja convinces him to take on hades (technically ivan's adoptive grandfather lmao) as a sponsor

and till's in his lil pocket dimension wondering if he should laugh or cry. the ONE time he wants ivan to pick him and ivan just... DOESNT 😭

— 🌦️

hi 🌦️!!

have u ever considered that ivan will actually exploit his sponsor??

kim dokja is like... nahhhhh its too much for me this is a much better approach *jumps off bridge*

but ivan and his alien... he basically was just there and garnered info

and i think we need a new constellation name for till. secretive plotter is good and all... except till's not really secretive... nor a plotter. i cannot imagine till plotting anything other than his love life, and that's more of a fantasy than anything. rebellious musician or something?

here's what i'm thinking: ivan 100% knows his father(s) are unreliable. he will watch them and follow them to a certain extent, then completely deviate from whatever plots they've got going on. ivan is fine with dying, but does not want to be naked on star stream due to clothes burned off; that sorta deal. (kdj's little dragon lmaooooo)

guys am i changing up my mind i have no idea im not looking at my previous posts cause im scared

anyways y'know... kdj passed up the sponsors because he didn't want to be bound, but he did encourage his companions to choose one actually! guys i haven't touched orv in so long and i'm not touching it anytime soon it's angst paradise.

hades sponsor does sound fun though... hmmmm

idk man i think you would not want your grandparents to watch you stream. the money they give every year is more than welcomed, but watching you streaming..? i think ivan does not have the mental power for that

ANYWAYS guys let there be sponsor x person kdj and yjh narrowly missed that one and i wanna see it. i just wanna see till spending all his probability on ivan, coin after coin, while other constellations are confused. because, well, till has lived many lifetimes and probably gathered coins and probability and whatnot. and it'd be funny.

ivan: my clothes are torn (small rip on sleeve)

till (1): alright buddies, i think ivan would look stunning in this cyberpunk outfit

till (2): are you kidding? this skin-tight motorcycle suit is much better!

till (3): i think the best thing to do is give him one of our shirts!

till (2): !!! will that fit him?

till (4): just give him all of it, guys!

ivan: ???

constellations: ??????? who the fuck buys clothing? just give him an artifact??

guys i think im delusional

[e-vay]

Evay QA Bulk Post 6

Here's another batch of questions.

Again, these do not include Domino or Phlox questions as I plan on addressing those in a separate post. Sorry for the delay on Phloxino questions, I just need to finish the final chapter of their story first.

Thank you all for reaching out ☺️

PERSONAL/MISC ASKS

toonfan91 asked: What is your favorite retro video game system, what would you say is your favorite retro game to play?

A: My favorite consoles would be the Super Nintendo, Gamecube, and the Gameboy Advance SP. Those are all so nostalgic for me and were integral to my childhood. I had the Sega Genesis as well but I didn't end up playing it nearly as much as the other 3. Top three of my favorite retro games would be Sonic 3 & Knuckles, Ms Pacman and Super Mario World.

Anon asked: omg! i wondered if cheese was just something you were super about in your teen years im so glad that cheese is still the #1 fave 🧀

A: Hahaha! Aww, you remembered that about me! Yes, I'm still a cheese fiend, forever and always!!!

Anon asked: Any writing tips and/or subversions on common tropes? - ✍🏻

A: I've said this before but I recommend really focusing on your character building. I personally believe if you can get the audience to care about your characters, the rest will work out. As far as subverting tropes, I'd just say don't default to what's easy. I remember writing a script in high school and it involved a "it was all a dream" ending and my teacher actually rolled his eyes at me and said "Don't do this to your audience. It's an easy out for you and a disservice to them" and that moment has stuck with me forever. So though I don't have exact advice for you, I'd just say keep your audience in mind. You want them to be happy that they read your story, not rolling their eyes. (You're a member of your audience too, so make sure you're happy with your story as well!)

Anon asked: Will your kid be named aroura?

A: Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to name my future daughter Aurora. Who knows if I'll ever have a kid and even if I do, I am not sure what their name will be. Aurora is definitely still one of my favorite names and I'd love to name my child that, but it will depend on what best fits that human :)

Anon asked: have you seen the until dawn remaster?? i know you did a drawing of that long ago!! have you ever drawn the actual characters? and also, how would you match the sonic characters to the until dawn characters? 😳?

A: I have seen the remaster but I haven't played it! It looks like such an improvement from what I've seen, and I honestly loved the original. I drew Ashley and Chris once, but for the life of me I can't find that file! It was so long ago, it probably wouldn't look any good now anyway haha. Hmm, it's a little hard matching Sonic characters to the Until Dawn characters without making them OOC. I guess if I had to pick, and with the caveat that this is a weird AU and characters are not 100% canon-accurate, I'd cast Amy as Sam (kind, gets along with everyone, doesn't like violence but can absolutely kick ass), Tails as Chris (because of his intelligence, his love for tech and his overall positive, good-natured spirit), Rouge as a mix of Jessica and Emily (covers the bases of intelligent, seductive, resourceful). I'm torn about casting Sonic as either Josh or Mike. Josh would of course be an unhinged version of Sonic which could be fun to explore but if you ignore the unhinged part, he still really suits Sonic as he is the core of the friend group and he is torn between fun-loving and masking his real emotions. Mike I feel like is a little more of the 'lead character' role that Sonic tends to fall into and his fear of commitment is pretty spot-on to our blue boy hahaha. Knuckles would be Matt because they're athletic and loyal. I'd probably choose Blaze for Ashley because of how polite and serious she can be, but I acknowledge it's not the best fit.

@bigklingy asked: Does your Lego Amy have a Sonic, like Duck Amy does? 

A: I don't own an official Sonic minifig yet. All I have is this cursed knockoff hahaha. One day she'll have a real Sonic for her to love.

-

MISC SONIC ASKS

Anon asked: What elements could the Sonic cast bend based on their unique traits?

A: Sonic would be air because he is the wind. Tails would be lightning due to his affiliation with technology. Knuckles would be earth, obvious reasons (though fire works too, especially if you take into consideration the flames of disaster haha). Amy would be fire, due to her passion and also if you read her fortune cards guide, she says her favorite of the elements in her deck is 'fire.'

Anon asked: Quick question, have you ever read the Archie comics? If so, what’s your opinion on scrouge?

A: I'm not a fan of either.

chrismantike asked: I’ve been seeing this debate a lot everywhere and I want your expert opinion on it. Since you do know about DBZ I was wondering if you think Sonic can actually beat Goku?

A: I'm always going to go with Sonic on this debate. He's defeated monsters, deities, A KILLER MOON?! He can defeat most enemies in his normal state but when he goes super, enemies don't stand a chance. Meanwhile how many times does Goku need to 'level up' his Super Saiyan form just to fight an enemy? (this is all in jest of course) Hedgehog wins.

Anon asked: do you like team chaotix? If so, who’s your favorite character??

A: Team Chaotix is not my favorite group haha. If I had to choose a favorite amongst them, it'd be Espio. I think he's funny even when he's not trying to be.

whiteghos asked: Can you summarize (if you can) what happened in TEIU by Kbspeeding? I wanted to know what happened before lil’ rory and Shadow got all dirty and beat up and what happened during that chapter. I really wanted to read it so if you can that’ll be great!?

A: I sincerely wish I could, but "The Evil In Us" was so long ago that I don't remember the details well, and KB deleted her account and all of the pages of her fic with it, so I haven't been able to reference it in ages. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help.

Anon asked: How would you imagine Amy in her teen years? -✍🏻

A: I already picture Amy as we know her as a teenage Amy. Especially her in Sonic Boom, I think that's a teenage/young adult Amy.

-

MY OCs/AU ASKS

Anon asked: I have this question on my mind for awhile now, how did you make or come up with and Amy’s and Aurora’s clothes designs? They are amazing ☺️☺️

A: Well that's an incredibly kind thing for you to say! I honestly don't feel like I did that great of a job with Amy, I just put her in clothes I'd like to see her in haha. I wish I had put more thought into her outfit but I can always redesign in the future. With Aurora (and any of my OCs, really) I just experiment with things until I figure out what works. I try to first get into the mindset of the character and determine what fashion trend best suits their personality, and then I'll do research on that style and then try to come up with something based on that. Aurora's style is on the spectrum of "Eclectic" and "Fun" and "Funky" fashion trends, so her outfits are based on that. If you're curious, I have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to my AU and there are sections for the different characters' fashion!

Anon asked: Are you going to make more ship/fan children one day, or will you just stick with Tumble, Ruff, & Aurora??

A: Methinks you've forgotten the other 8 fankids I've made! But that's okay 😜 I love creating characters and I have no plans on stopping that any time soon. That could be OCs that aren't related to anyone, OCs that are the parents of characters we know, or fan children. I don't know what I'll be doing next, but there will definitely be more new characters in the future.

charlieangel345 asked: Hey, evay, What do you think Amy and Aurora’s favorite anime? I think Amy’s favorite anime is fruit basket and Aurora favorite anime is sailor moon.

A: I think you're absolutely right! :) I think Amy might also be a fan of Ranma 1/2 as well. I'm not all that current with anime so I can't make many more recommendations that suit them.

supersaiyaman85 asked: How do you think it would go down if CC ever met Cream or Zooey(Tail's crush from Sonic Boom)?

A: I have a script for a comic that involves CC and Cream interacting, I just have to get around to drawing it. As far as Tails' past crushes like Zooey, CC is very jealous so ... she wouldn't handle it well lol

twistedchaos101 asked: Does Aurora know her grandparents? How is the relationship with them?

A: At this time, Sonic does not know Phlox is his dad and Domino is deceased, so to their knowledge Aurora does not have grandparents on her dad's side. Aurora would know her Grandma Lulu and Grandpa Clay, but Amy is sort of estranged from them so they aren't a major part of her life. They're the kind of grandparents that send a ton of gifts on holidays and birthdays but only visit maybe once ever few years. She loves getting to see them though and they absolutely adore her!

abbysulf asked: Has there ever been a moment where Sonic went dark to save Aurora? Like, was she in so much danger that he would risk his mind and body to save her? And not from Shadow lol

A: In my AU's canon, there hasn't been any moments like that. I like to joke about Sonic turning dark any time he's even mildly upset, but I don't mean it seriously. And as Aurora was growing up, he kept Aurora so safe to the point it was almost smothering, so she wouldn't have ever been in any real danger. But if she were to ever have her life threatened, yes he would lose himself in order to protect her, without hesitation.

Anon asked: We all know Sonic and the gang for saving the world in their world and they have alot of fans but what about in your story? Are they famous and their fans are surprised when they heard that Sonic and Amy got together and had a child same with Rouge and Knuckles but they adopted instead?

A: Even in my AU, Team Sonic is famous. Not to the point where they're like celebrities and have paparazzi following them everywhere, but the average citizen knows who the members of Team Sonic are and some people do get kind of starstruck around them. As they all reach older adulthood, Sonic and Amy's lives get a little more calm and domestic so they are less in the spotlight compared to Tails who is the CEO of his own company and Knuckles who is running the Young Heroes program. Maybe the average person might be surprised that some of their heroes ended up getting married and having their own families, but again I don't picture Team Sonic's personal lives in tabloids regularly.

Anon asked: I actually wanna know how well Aurora takes shots (At the doctors)from a baby all the way up to a young adult

A: Aurora sure wouldn't like shots, but she's never necessarily been scared of getting them. If anything, I could see the DOCTOR being more afraid of giving her a shot. Imagine both Sonic and Amy giving the doctor the death glare with the unspoken threat of "You better get this done quick and if you cause any extra unnecessary pain, we will both end you." They've got a good routine down where Sonic distracts baby/toddler Aurora until the shot happens and then both he and Amy quickly smother her in hugs and kisses and praises so she is only upset for a brief moment.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: Why does Sonic spy on Shadow and Aurora when they go on a date or when Aurora visits Shadow's house?

A: Sonic is an overprotective dad and he doesn't like the idea of Aurora dating anybody (even though she's a grownup). It doesn't matter who she was dating, he doesn't think anybody is good enough for his baby girl. He spies to make sure they're not getting into trouble (it's just for the sake of comedy, don't take it too seriously).

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

djanims asked: maybe weird question but has aurora ever seen shadow in his super form and if not what was her reaction?

A: She has! I've drawn them together in their super forms before :) She thinks he's an angel

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: Has Shadow told Aurora about who Maria was in your continuity?

A: Absolutely. Maria played a very important role in his life, so of course he'd talk about her. The grief will always be there but with time and by becoming more comfortable opening up to Aurora, he finds it easier to reminisce on the good times he had with his sister.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: How did Sonic and Amy react to Aurora and Shadow having 8 children like I just imagine *first born* "Oh my goodness congratulations!" second born still happy. At the 8th their like "Wow... Rory that's um great... Lots of grandkids.." So yes that's how I imagine it going but how about you, this question has really taken over my mind. 🤣❤️❤️

A: Hehehe, 8 grandchildren is definitely a lot. BUT! I headcanon that Mobians are a bit more like animals than humans are, so the idea of 'litters' isn't totally foreign (though maybe not as common in modern day Mobius). In my AU, Shadow and Aurora have three litters (so far, hehehe) so it went 3 kids, 2 kids, 3 kids, so they weren't exactly expecting to end up with 8 children, but they're happy all the same. I think Amy would be over the moon no matter what. Sonic would love all his grandkids and be excited about all of them, but also I'm sure he'd be secretly laughing it up at how chaotic the Shadora Home must be at all times and he's just glad that he and Amy had it super easy raising their only child. Plus I could see among friends and family there's an ongoing joke of "So... Aurora, Shadow.... How many next time?"

-

SHIPPING ASKS

kkrucy asked: What your opinion on other ships then sonamy?

A: There are plenty of ships that I like and there are plenty that are not for me. I don't like to announce the ships I don't like, there's no good in doing that. Some that I like include (but are not limited to) KnucklesXRouge, Shadamy, Sonadow, SonAmyShad, MetAmy, VectorXEspio, KnucklesXAriem, RougeXTopaz, WhisperXTangle, Dr.RobotnikXAgentStone (from the movies), SilverXBlaze, I even like BlazeXRouge if I'm being honest (You can blame TMOSTH for that!)

scaredforcewielder asked: I know it's a bit early, but would you consider doing Sonic and Amy's first Christmas as a couple?

A: I know I did it off-season, but I already made a several Sonamy comics for Christmas this year. I always want to draw more Sonamy and I would love to draw their first Christmas as a couple, but honestly I don't know that I'll have the time to do that this year. I hope those mistletoe comics helped to tide you over!

dean-alice-rose asked: What is your favorite sonmy moment? And it can be in your comics or official. Also what is your favorite comic that you made?

A: Gosh, it's really difficult to pick a single favorite Sonamy moment! If I had to narrow it down to just a few... One would definitely be episode 52 of Sonic X where Sonic returns to their planet and he and Amy have that heart to heart. I can't tell you how many times I've watched that scene, I found it to be the epitome of romance even as a kid! A small moment that actually meant a huge deal to me was in The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, where Sonic calls Amy "radiant." It's just one line, but wow, what a magnificent compliment! That's way more powerful than simply calling someone 'pretty' or 'great' in my opinion. I have too many favorites, I could go on forever haha! I don't really have a favorite comic that I made, they all mean a lot to me. "My Gal" is maybe what I'm most known for and that's great because it was so personal and I poured SO MUCH of my heart into it. But I have fond memories of every single comic I've made and each one has helped better my writing and drawing, so they're all special to me no matter how silly or serious they are.

Anon asked: In the future, would there be a chance to see CC and Tails again? I always adored CC and loved her design, plus her relationship with Tails. I was just curious as to if you had any future plans for them?

A: Definitely! I have plenty of ideas for them, I just need to dedicate the time to drawing it out. I'm so happy you enjoy that pair so much!

Anon asked: What are your thoughts on Metamy? (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

A: I ship it! It's not at the top of my list but I still think it's super cute and no matter what, I've always had the headcanon that Metal has feelings for Amy (he's meant to be like Sonic, after all, so if I believe Sonic likes Amy then surely Metal would, too!)

Anon asked: Do you ever compare video game couples to each other? - ✍🏻?

A: Of course, it'd be impossible not to. Personally I relate Sonamy to NathanDrakeXElenaFisher (Uncharted) the most out of all video game couples. Both pairs have an undying love for adventure and enjoy traveling the world. Elena/Amy are definitely more cautious and careful than Nathan/Sonic who're a little more gung-ho, but in the end they make a great team and can keep up with one another.

whiteghos asked: What is Sonamy’s love language? >v< <3

A: I always say that Amy is the physical embodiment of love, and because of that I think ALL the love languages suit her! She expresses her love in every way possible and I'm sure she'd be happy to receive it in any way Sonic is willing to give it 🥰 It makes sense to me that Sonic's would be Quality Time and Acts of Service. Sonic always loves to do his own thing, so whenever he's willing to spend his time with Amy (whether it's grabbing dinner with her or even if it's just sitting in a pile of hay with her), I think that says a LOT. I don't think Acts of Service requires explanation.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

whiteghos asked: What is Shadora’s love language? >v< <3

A: This is hard to narrow down and I feel like love languages fluctuate. For now, I'd say they both share the love language of Physical Touch. Individually, Aurora leans more towards Words of Affirmation and Shadow is Acts of Service.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: Are you gonna make a full comic on Shadow and Aurora first date like you did with Sonic and Amy?

A: I'm not 100% sure if it will become a comic. I definitely have a fic in mind, and maybe I'll do some supplemental drawings to go along with it. Sonic and Amy's first date was 'easier' because Sonic and Amy already have an established history. Shadow and Aurora have to get to know each other before they start dating, so it'd be easier to accomplish in a fic rather than a comic. If you haven't seen it already, I did write a summary of their first date.

–

Thank you all for the questions!

Evay QA Bulk Post 1

Evay QA Bulk Post 2

Evay QA Bulk Post 3

Evay QA Bulk Post 4

Evay QA Bulk Post 5

[the-s1lly-corner]

Could you possibly write about slenderman's ghost s/o trying to make the mansion festive for Halloween bc they're really excited for the holiday and never experienced it before? They have a list and everything as soon as they learn about the custom-

For instance, every room is decked out in decor totally not stolen, they make loads of themed treats, and try to engage the him and the proxies into doing multiple festive activities as well?

-slender anon <3 (sorry if this is too much exposition, tysm for all the cool writing)

Celebrating Halloween w/ Slenderman!

so so sorry for taking a a bit to get to this !! I meant to get this out tomorrow but I got distracted </3 still torn on if i want the mansion to exist in my au but for all intents and purposes we'll say it does for this >:) i might make the mansion like, some abandoned creepy haunted house in universe, like the house from IT or Nightmare on Elm Street (i actually... dont remember if it gets abandoned or not in the later movies, its been a while since i watched the series..) or something something yeah i think ill go with that for the mansion anyways enough rambling

Cue curious head tilts and questions from slenderman, he knows OF Halloween but he doesnt know all the ins and outs and intricacies when it comes to how its celebrated; best he knows is costumes and candy

initially watches you try to hang up all the decorations by yourself but eventually steps in to give you a hand

probably consults in you what basic Halloween traditions are, and probably also tries to ask the proxies if they know anything about it

i think outside of toby, the proxies don't really. remember much of their lives before becoming proxies, but that's because I'm basing my take on them off of the original MH where like, there's brain fog and the proxy/person are internally separate, but that's where inspiration from the original stuff ends; merging two fandoms together is. hard when the canon and fanon are so different

anyways

but also i never really like the creepypasta interpretation of masky and hoodie, at least from when i was in the fandom years back where they were shy and soft, but thats likely changed now- admittedly i dont interact with the fandom outside of creating

im rambling again, but i think masky and hoodie would also be a little lost but ready to do whatever they're told to do in regards to helping deck out the mansion

good news is that the mansion already looks like a spooky haunted house! especially on the outside since it's not as well kept as the inside

the inside is like what comes to mind when someone says old ass house; creaky wooden floors, shitty heating system, crawl spaces and compartments, that sort of thing. old enough that it would definitely have mold and rot, and be falling apart, if slenderman didnt come and keep it in tact

again, it already looks spooky enough as is, but decorations can really tie in the look

fake cobwebs, skeletons, spiders

oh those are real spiders

the mansion probably has spiders, slenderman cant do anything about the spiders sorry

okay anyways

treats! totally not stolen from some store by a teleporting entity that naturally distorts electronics! definitely not

he would make them with you, i think

i sometimes think about how slenderman would probably like calm and quiet activities, domestic ones included, so i think this is something he would actually end up loving especially with you around

learns he hates working with melted marshmallow, that shit is not banned from the mansion as well as marshmallow creme

he even gets those cute little halloween themed goodie bags so you can give them out

unfortunately he's going to have to pass, on account that he can't really eat any non-human meat food, but rest assured if he could safely eat your treats he would

Toby would be fucking that shit up, especially if you make those popcorn ball things. i feel like toby would love those. masky to me seems like a butterscotch haystack enjoyer to me (based), while hoodie fucks up those chocolate dipped pretzels, you know the ones that get decorated to look like mummies? those. he demolishes those (also based)

i kinda miss the popcorn balls tbh i havent had those in years but they were good from what i remember- i think i might make some this evening

moving on once more

if there's any extras slenderman may offer to take you around to give them to others

im still deciding character dynamics and relationships and who knows who in this funky au, but i feel like slenderman knows at least a handful of the other character. at least on a first name basis

so thats fun! you also get to share the joy with characters such as splendor and trender, and perhaps even jeff. i hc that eyeless jack and slender are both in the same forest but not like. buddy buddy. but he can get goodies too. ignore the fact jack is in the same boat as slender in terms of what he can and cant eat- he appreciates the gesture

now activities! i gotta admit i never really did halloween stuff outside of trick or treating; so im a little stumped on ideas

theres the obvious, pumpkin carving (the pumpkin insides get used to make more treats!), apple bobbing, and a few others

while not really a halloween game, you guys probably play a few games in the woods

thats

wait no thats terrifying, do not play hide and seek/tag with them in the woods regardless of if its night time and regardless of if youre a ghost, that shit actually sounds terrifying esp since i think slenderman and hoodie would get WAY TOO competitive

oh scary stories

definately

you insist on summoning ghosts and demons to fit the vibe

" but Dear, you're a gho-" "hush"

you guys accidentally summon one of the ghost creepypastas or something/j

you guys accidentally summon zalgo and halloween gets cancelled'j

idk if this is just a me thing but whenever me and my friends sit down to read creepypasta stories we get derailed and somehow end up reading fanfics and acting them out but i can see this happening as well; though this one also isnt a halloween exclusive activity

overall its a learning experience for most of you guys, and slenderman is totally up to humoring you again next year!

oh oh oh halloween costumes, how could i forget?

good luck trying to find something for slenderman, even if he could fit in anything he probably wouldnt dress up no matter how you try to word it

actually now that i think of it, do you think his suit is just part of his body? like ive seen loads of interpretations where it is; the shitty slenderman movie included. like is it a removeable suit? is it something that looks like a suit but its part of him? is it like a scp 049 situation where it is a suit but its attached to him?

im not getting into that today

masky and toby both dress up as classic slasher icons

hoodie probably would too but i got flashed with a vision of him dressed as pumpkin so im rolling with it

i think thats about everything! i hope you like this! this ended up way longer than i thought it would be but i fully blame that on me still being in my ramble mindset </3 ive been cooking up some major hcs for my au/interpretation as well as smaller stuff so my brain just wants to dump it TToTT

anyways

runs off to go draw spooky stuff (cough cough creepypastas dressed up in costumes)

[watery-melon-baller]

Important question

So a while back I sent out this annonymous survey asking about TOH fandom and shipping stuff and I got a decent amout of responses, which was great because I could use them in my video essay. The only thing is, I just now realized that I didn't A. Say in the description of the survey that these responses would be used in a video essay, or what they would be used for in general and B. Have a consent form asking if it's okay for me to show their responses in my essay. All of the data is annonymous, so no one would be in danger of being harassed if i DID share the replies, but I'm not sure what to do here. Im talking specifically about like, personal stories people have shared, not numbers/data (I've asked them to document any harassment, their opinions on ships, how they think fandom has changed over time, etc. I'm going to use the statistics anyways, but I'm more worried about like. Written responses)

I'm torn between 1 and 2, but I think 2 might be best? But I wanted to get other's opinions on this before I go ahead because I really don't know. I totally dropped the ball on this one :///

[fuckitimrowan]

OK SO :D

listen man. listen. jason and reyna have the potential for the most interesting dynamic in the entire rrverse and i stand by that ok. like imagine. two people who were best friends are suddenly torn apart and when they reunite through no fault of either of them one cares a lot more than the other now. losing jason was the worst thing reyna ever felt and then he came home and looked her dead in the eyes and treated her like a stranger. god i am so unwell about them anyway. im mad that this never gets explored in canon it has so much potential. the fucking tragedy of it all. they avoid each other now because one will inevitably end up saying something a little too familiar and its miserably awkward for just. everyone tbh. they cared so deeply for each other amd then it was just gone. she spent months searching for him overworked and unable to even grieve properly and he just didnt care anymore. its unclear how much memory he got back but its obviously not as clear as percy’s and thats so interestingg?? knowing you cared for this place, for this person, so much it was a part of you, and just. having no emotional attachment to it anymore. not knowing how to get back to that even if you want to. oughhhh. not knowing how to tell them the person they knew is dead or at least unrecognizable. if you take every moment and memory that makes up a person away and put newones in their place is it still the same person? she loved him more than anything. he doesnt know how to be the person she loved anymore. he doesnt know if he wants to. he avoids her, and she lets him, because really what is there to say? she still cares. he doesn’t. i dont even know how to articulate this okay just. they were best friends. and now everything has changed. and how do you cope with that. what do you do, when your best friend looks you in the eyes and treats you like a stranger? what do you do, looking a stranger in the eyes and knowing she was your best friend?

and nobody ever talks about their relationship??? like they either get ignored or treated like weird exes which is just so not what this is. anyway the implication that reyna had a crush on him was stupid thats called *amatonormativity* reyna is arocoded thank you goodnight. i am so utterly deranged about them <3

OMG ANON THANK YOU FOR THIS but literally ikr?? their entire relationship (not in a couple-y way) is just so complex and ends so tragically and it’s like. ughhhhh it literally drives me crazy to think about it and it’s so UNFAIR for both of them because reyna has to look at jason and see someone looking back with a strangers eyes and it’s like. hes there. but he’s NOT because he’s so different and then for jason he can see her but he can’t feel the emotional attachment that SHOULD be there he only knows that he once had it and instead it’s this empty feeling and. the worst part is that they never got to confront the situation with each other!! jason got back to new rome and when he left almost instantly they’d barely exchanged any words with each other so like. the most either can do is soo many presumptions and MAYBE time could’ve fixed it. maybe they could’ve one day talked it out; but god fucking damn it because they didn’t have time and the next time she got to properly see him he was in a coffin. it’s so tragic it really really HURTS and I can’t explain how it feels but u get it aishsjbsksmsksns

and no frrr reducing them to exes of any sort is just soo annoying because it’s completely taking away EVERYTHING abt their dynamic and just as you said all that’s very much linked to amatonormativity. WOW sorry for the rant here but yes im also very very deranged abt three <3

ty for this tho, anon! <333

[stormyoceans]

Monica, you and me both. i seriously hope they don't do anything to mess up what we've going on now. because it's been a perfect streak so far and i really badly don't want it ruined. but i don't really trust thai bls that much. the dad showing up completely uncalled for like that was a little bit of turn off for me in that matter. (cause i dint think that was a very important storyline, barely relevant at all to what we've seen of Day's story so far) and i hope that doesn't take more than 5 mins to get resolved. forced separation my beloathed. i also worry night and day will not be resolved as satisfactorily as i want it to (tho i hear we can trust p'aof on that) as there are only 4 more eps left and it's probably not gonna happen in ep 3. andd. as for one last thing, i also wish and hope desperately we get a bit of a reversal in their dynamic. with day being more of a crutch to mohk than the other way around. you know just to complete the picture on both sides. anyways, manifesting nothing but the best. -Skate

MORE RAMBLINGS AND SPECULATIONS AND PERSONAL WORRIES AND FILMING SPOILERS ABOUT LAST TWILIGHT UNDER THE CUT (just to be safe because i really don't wanna ruin people's excitement with my negativity. im also afraid my nomnom card might get revoked ;;;;;;;;)

i personally didn’t mind day’s dad showing up at the end of episode 8 because he has been mentioned since episode 2 and there’s also been a lot of emphasis on day’s mom being a single mom who raised him and night by herself, so i did expect day’s dad to play a role in the story at some point. i do agree that his introduction was rather abrupt tho, like day bringing him up out of nowhere while talking to mork and implying that songkhla was his hometown was a bit too on the nose imho, i think it could have been done a little bit better, but i’ve forgiven shows for much worse. once again my main fear with day’s dad is that he was introduced just to explain why he and ramon separated hence kind of foreshadowing mork and day also eventually separating, which as we previously established i would HATE

and you know it's not like im against separation on principle, i do think it could work for morkday if, let's say, mork was offered a job he's really passionate about in another town and was upfront about it with day and day told him 'you can't be my caretaker forever, you are my boyfriend, i want us to be equal, take this opportunity and make your dreams come true', because i do also agree with you on the fact that we've always seen mork supporting day and i need to have day supporting mork as well to balance things out a little bit more (not to always bring up vice versa but one of the main reasons i love puentalay is the mutuality and equality of their relationship). if this were to happen, they could still talk to each other on the phone and have mork go visit day over the weekend, they would still have a relationship based on love and understanding which is what their entire journey has been about. if this were to happen, i would become separation nr. 1 fan. i would be ready to print every single word of doubts i've ever expressed about the last 3 episodes and literally EAT THEM. the problem is that even if we're talking about p'aof, i can't fully trust him with not going down the misunderstanding route and not making them broke the promise they made of always holding each other's hands. i know that in bad buddy he made everyone think patpran broke up only to say SIKE, but unfortunately that's not enough to reassure me

the only hope i have is this picture

which to me does look like a 'mork is torn about leaving for his dream job but day is giving him his full support', but unfortunately I HAVE TRUST ISSUES OKAY. I'VE BEEN HURT BY SHOWS BEFORE. and i can't really explain this shot of mork crying in the trailer unless it's about day breaking up with him

SO. TRUST ISSUES

day and night's reconciliation is honestly the thing im less worried about because i do fully believe it's gonna happen, maybe not right away because if night was indeed somehow responsible for day losing his sight i think day is gonna need more time, but i think we're gonna see them finally have a proper talk with each other and by the end of it day is gonna leave an opening for their relationship to heal and go back to what it used to be

BUT YEAH IM JUST GONNA BE PRAYING FOR THE BEST THAT'S ALL WE CAN DO

[mydoctor]

Tagged by @catalogercas

Rules: list your ten favorite albums of all time and tag ten people to list theirs!

THIS GOT SO LONG IM SORRY

There is absolutely 0 order to this. Also I did 11 because I thought of all of these and then kept going back and forth about which one to eliminate and I couldn’t do it!! They’re all here for different reasons so I’m saying fuck the rules everybody lives! I am an absolute Album Listener like I’m usually in the mood for a specific album and I’ll listen straight through(but maybe skip a couple songs here and there)

1. Montaigne- Complex (This is the first year in like 3 years that Montaigne hasn’t been my number 1 or 2 artist on wrapped but all their albums still absolutely rule but this one is my fave.)

2. The Killers- Sam’s Town (I’ve been a Killers fan since I saw Somebody Told Me on the vh1 top 20 video countdown ✌️Hot Fuss is a banger but Sam’s Town holds a special place. Remember when we had song ringtones? The song Sam’s Town from the album Sam’s Town was mine for so long in high school.)

3. Punisher- Phoebe Bridgers (the soundtrack of my 2020 I used to come home exhausted from work and sit in bed and listen to punisher straight through and read fanfic to unwind. In hindsight not a Great Time but in the moment it kept me sane)

4. Coheed and Cambria- In Keeping Secrets Of Silent Earth 3 (the amount of Coheed I listened to in college was astronomical. For a while they got linked to a shitty time so I couldn’t listen but seeing them in the line up for WWWY is bringing me back babeyyy. Honestly big respect to Claudio Sanchez for making a whole band and multiple albums around his little OCs)

5. My Chemical Romance- The Black Parade (truly do I have to explain)

6. Petey- Lean Into Life (Petey made up 28% of my top 100 songs this year alone so he’s earned his place)

7. The Wombats- Glitterbug (I was torn between this one and Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life but Headspace being on Glitterbug means it wins)

8. Metric- Live It Out (Another HS/College banger. I used to get so anxious during boss/big enemy fights in video games so I would listen to this album and sometimes specifically Monster Hospital on repeat. Sad I don’t like any of Metrics stuff post Fantasies but their early albums are great)

9. One Direction- Made In The AM (if yall haven’t been here for long you missed the 1D years and tbh I’m sad for you it was a fun time. Glad I got in as a fully cooked adult so I could avoid the extremely toxic parts and just have fun. Anyway last album best album when is the hiatus ending boys!!!!!!!!!)

10. Rilo Kiley- The Execution Of All Things(back to HS/college woohoooo! Truly is there anything better than screaming A Better Son/Daughter I DONT THINK SO)

11. Modest Mouse- We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank (Missed The Boat is one of my favorites songs of all time. This is another band that got stuck in the Associated With Bad Person zone for awhile but I just relistened a couple years ago and we’re so back baby)

tagging @pixiestickers @lookforanewangle @captainshakespear @bishakespeares @cassiefisherdrake @varricandhawke @thychesters @ursanic

11 albums 8 people I’m a great rule follower

Also if you see this and want to do it this is blanket permission to just say I tagged you ✌️

[sareinadale]

a very late sharing but . . .

last month ( june 2024 ), i went to watch 4 amazing shows in germany and the netherlands. at least 3 were frozen and 1 was tanz der vampire.

it was supposed to be 3 shows, but my friend and i had a last-minute decision to watch die eiskönigin on my last day in hamburg so that's why we watched 4 shows in total.

i had the best time of my life for this trip!!

MAINLY the reason i worked hard to make this trip a reality was because i reaaaaally wanted to see bob ( who plays main cast prince hans for frozen hamburg ) and LET ME TELL YOU ohhhh it was such a joy to see his performance TWICE + waited for him after the show to talk and take a picture.

OFC i stammered and i straight up told him how speechless i am except for how amazing it was to see him perform etc. and my friend told him i came all the way from malaysia just to watch him AND at that point i think he thinks it was lowkey crazy of me to do that cause he asked "that's insane, wow! how long was your flight?" and i said 12-13 hours give or take. and he was like "pls tell me you have other activities to do while staying here in hamburg" but i was spacing out cause i was over the moon and embarrassed after that. but my friend told him that we're seeing places in hamburg and later in the netherlands to watch the dutch production so he was like "ah okay, cool 👍".

no one really prepares you for how surreal it is meeting your favorite person / celeb / actor 😭 and he was so sweet and down to earth that at one point i felt it wasn't right to come up to him and ask for a picture because i didn't have one JUST with him. like the fact that i met him twice was a blessing on its own, and i was veeeery torn from being that crazy and disrespectful fan versus "i'd rather say thank you and move on so he can have his space".

WHICH i think, was the ultimate right decision because at the end of the day, they're still an average people with a job who deserves every ounce of respect and decency with their personal time.

ANYWAY i'll never forget how magical it was seeing him perform, his FUCKING VOCALS, impeccable height and form, all that little gestures which noooo one really paid attention to except if you're delusional enough ( the amount of times i DIED gushing on the inside seeing his scenes with anna even though im not a hanna stan ). my favorite scene / gesture was when he signals to anna to CLIMB up to him during LIAOD and i GRABBED my friend's hands cause I NOTICEDDDD THAT !!!! ( it helps when our seat was the second front row, so i was already at a close-up there 👀 ).

when i tell you i literally had my eyes on him at EVERY SCENE he's in!!!! aahhhhhhh, i am blessed ✨️ and OH, his evil laugh after betraying anna? YES KING I SUPPORT YOU.

and ofc, hearing PRINZ HANS AUS DEM SÜDEN plus his reprise???! UGHHH, please take my money again!!! and LASS JETZT LOSS BY BOTH JANNEKE AND WILLEMJIN??? MINDBLOWING. PHENOMENAL. SHOWSTOPPER!!

zum ersten mal, liebe sie öffnen tür, gefährlich wenn man träumt & monster !!! ahhhh, music to my ears 💕

also ALSO i met willemijn and abla after the second ( impromptu ) show AND just like what i said in the beginning to bob, i told them hearing du bist alles was EVERYTHING to me and it's vastly different than hearing it on youtube. they are gooooorgeous gorgeous women and i felt accomplished after taking a picture with them ( even though i was freezing ).

i met jan who plays main cast olaf and aaaaaa he's basically the human version of olaf!! very lovely to talk to him and took a picture with him as well 💕

for tanz der vampire, my friend chose the seats where the actors will interact with the audience and i was ✨️ charmed ✨️ by them ; one scene happened when one of the vampires swept his cloak and nearly covered me underneath, and another scene happened when one of them TAPPED my shoulder — i felt so special looool.

there were a few of my favorite songs in there, but finally hearing them live ( totale finsternis and got ist tott ) was CHEFS KISS 💋

anyways, hearing frozen in dutch was a totally different experience in itself. it was great, and the actors really gave it their all, i think ( imho ), i prefer the german version. maaaaybe because i've been hearing their version for almost a year AND studying german A1, so i've been using it as one of my listening practices 🥲👌

nevertheless, my heart remains full even after more than a month. while my heart aches to return there ( especially hamburg ), i'm hopeful that i can make it happen again and watch frozen german in stuttgart next ( FINGERS CROSSED ).

[bunny-heels]

giant vent post.

i think ive reached an actual breaking point. i havent had a breakdown this bad in such a long time and it stills feels horrible now as it did back then. i cant really think properly, not straight at least anyway. im going to ramble on and probably have a really hard time connecting everything together. but whatever.

at some point in my teens i developed a hyper self awareness. i would have that part of my brain that always thought rationally, like it was made up of a court of people or was some sort of other entity entirely. its always aware of what i was doing, if im doing something stupid, out of anger, irrational, selfish. its the "adult" part. it knows better than me, it knows right from wrong. and its not even like a "voice in the back of my head" or anything. its a very vocal and very upfront part of my brain thats there all the time. and it still is as im writing this. its never left.

my self awareness is really, really strong. it is pretty much my personal therapist. i think ive been through so much mental trauma in my life that my brain has just developed this as a safety net or firewall or whatever. and i mean it works a lot. only time it doesnt is when im really really depressed. like close to actually self harming or making a plan to kill myself levels.

i remember when i tried self-harming once, using really shitty dull scissors. that self-aware part of my brain was there the whole time, kept telling me this was a bad idea, there was no point in doing it and it would only hurt me and my loved ones if i succeeded in actually causing damage. i heard it the entire time. but i still went through with it and tried so hard to get through my own skin. i couldnt and i finally gave into the self aware and realized i shouldve listened to it sooner cause yeah, its not worth it to hurt myself just to regret it later.

my self awareness knew better like it always does. and like i said, its basically my therapist now. i barely even vent anymore because of it. i used to vent and rant a lot. i did it weekly pretty much because i had my little spaces where i thought i could let my emotions out and then i'd be able to go along with my day. then i had a friend of mine be passive aggressive towards me once because i guess they finally got sick of seeing of my rants on their timeline. and even my own mom told me i shouldnt be talking and showing my sensitive side so much online. then my stupid autism mistook someones joke for being real and i got so embarrassed i tried my best to seem like i was talking about someone else. and then i made friends with people where all they would do is rant and vent and rant and vent and rant and vent. and i got so, so tired of it to the point where i wanted to try everything i can to not be like them.

after that i barely ever ranted or vented again and only did it on very very very few occasions and only in places my friends could see. but every time i felt my emotions grow, my self aware side will just come in and be rational.

"dont think much about what these people online are doing, you know theyre just hateful and spiteful. theres no point in wasting your thoughts and emotions on them. do something you like instead."

"yeah the world is horrible right now. there are children dying and families being torn apart and innocent people being put through torture. and you feel guilty that you cant help them or that you dont deserve to be sad because youre not the one going through it. but its okay to be sad about people you dont know or how bad the world gets, and you dont need to justify your sadness. you know its different for everyone."

"you're reasonably upset about this thing, youre getting angry and there being no progress made is just making your mood worse. but font blow up. you know better than to yell at the people who dont and you dont want it to seem like youre annoyed with them or that you dont care. anger doesnt solve anything. you need patience and to be understanding. you shouldnt act extreme unless the situation really calls for it. then its justified."

if i have an urge to vent, i'll vent to my self awareness. if i get angry, my self awareness will calm me down. if i'm confused, my self awareness will look at everything it can. if i'm doing something i shouldn't, my self awareness lets me know. if i get bad impulses, my self awareness keeps me under control. my self awareness knows best. its the better half of me. its the part of me that i wish i could fully be 24/7. but i just cant.

and to be honest, my self awareness is also my enemy.

"i know you feel like venting but, look at all the problems these other people have. you dont need to talk about your problems with anyone. just use your brain and you'll be fine."

"theres already someone in this group that brings the mood down all the time. they talk negative about themselves and their life. you already feel bad for not being able to do anything. why add on to the list of people who cry and complain? you cant take care of your own issues just fine."

"is this the best time to be going to this person to vent and rant? i mean you have no idea what theyre doing right now. they could be busy, they could be in a good mood and you dont wanna bring them down. what if they dont even want to hear about your problems right now? its best if you just figure it out yourself for now. youre smart, you dont need other people when you already know what to do."

i remember in late elementary and during my whole middle school years, my mental health was the lowest its ever been. during middle school, almost every day was the same. i'd have an okay or mediocre time at school, i'd come home, feel relief for a bit and maybe hang out with friends, then all the sudden this wave of sadness flowed through me. it would hit hard and all at one. i would always have to get away from my computer, climb into bed, and cry. sometimes it was over something that happened at school, sometimes over something online, sometimes something at home, and sometimes for no reason. but it would always happen. no matter what.

i isolated myself when i cried. i hated people seeing or hearing me cry or tear up. i would get made fun of for crying in elementary school, whether if it was from bullying or having issues with class or the teacher. i was and am still really really sensitive. and i was always treated terribly every time i showed it. so when i got emotional or upset, i hid myself away. no one gets bothered by me and i get bothered by no one. eventually after learning some things about psychology and getting a bit of therapy, my brain trained on that and i learned to deal with my emotions all by myself. i didnt need to talk to anyone anymore, no more making someone feel bad or having my problems be ignored or getting made fun of for my emotions. from now on all my problems stayed my problems.

but i dont know how long i can keep going like this. i can rationalize a situation, i can regulate my emotions, i can do things at my own pace and never have to worry about burdening someone or myself ever again. im doing it all myself. im doing it alone.

i dont want to do it alone anymore.

i want to talk to people about my problems again. i want to rant and vent and ramble and scream about things that piss me off and make me upset. i wanna yell while i rant to my friends about something that made me angry. i wanna vent about having a shitty day. i wanna be able to message a friend and tell them i feel like shit. i wanna be able to call a friend while crying and saying that i wish things were better. i wanna be able to talk about how much the world sucks. i wanna have moments where i talk shit about myself, talk about how im a miserable piece of shit and that i dont deserve to be loved and cared for. i dont deserve friends or family, i dont deserve nice things, i dont deserve to have fun, or have medicine, or have people listen to me, or care about me. i wanna scream that i dont matter and that no one cares about me.

and all i want after that is just someone to hug me.

i dont want to hear rational explanations about the world, or about how life and feelings work, or how the human brain works, or how fair and unfair things can be. i dont want cold hard truth. i dont want blunt. my brain already does it for me. i know im being irrational, i know im just upset, i know im just depressed, i knows things are unpredictable and that life isnt a straight path and that not everything is simple and things cant be fixed that easily and that theres always gonna be hard moments and i just have to accept it. i know. i know i know i know.

just please. i just want a moment to he comforted.

i want someone to listen. i want someone to sit there in silence as they hear my begs and pleads. i want them to not say anything as i scream about how terrible everything is. i want them quiet as i complain that life is awful and things should be easier. i dont want them to interrupt while i talk shitty about myself and call myself a horrible person. i dont want them to talk. i want them to listen. i want them to hear me when i cry and listen when i go on and on and on.

and when im finally finished speaking, and im gasping for air as my throat is all raspy from how much and how high ive spoken, and my face is red and i have a massive headache and my eyes and cheeks are soaked in tears and my whole body hurts, i just want them to get up, be right in front or next to me, and hug me.

i want them to wrap their arms around me and squeeze me tight against them. for them to put their hand on the back of my head and on my mid back and stroke both of them. for them to put my face in the croak of their neck. and to just hear them breath and whisper

"its okay. everything will be okay."

and i'll cry again. i'll cry so hard my whole face will hurt. my eyes will be bloodshot, my face is hot and bright red, my nose is snotty and runny, my whole body is tired, i look like a disheveled mess. and i'll cry into their neck. i'll let it all out.

and i want them to be okay with that. i want them to let me let go. i want them to let me have my moment of breaking down. and when im tired from it all, i want them to soothe me and tell me that everything will be okay. that im not a bad person, that im not ugly, that its okay that im sensitive, that im not a burden, that i deserve to be loved and cared for, that its okay for me to cry, its okay for me to have these moments of weakness, that im not alone, that its okay for me to let it out.

that i dont have to care of myself anymore and theyll be there for me no matter what.

i'll have them and they'll have me.

but even now when im getting close to finishing this, feeling like i finally have let myself have a moment of vulnerability.

that voice comes back, it creeps in at the last few words.

"you do have people that care about you. of course theyre there for you. you know you have people that care. dont pretend they dont exist."

they do exist.

i know they exist.

but

what if theyre busy.

[myers-meadow]

"Thank you, that is so kind of you to say! Makes me v happy to see you still around and enjoying fandom <3" Back at you.

"You're truly so sweet to reach out and send me this <3" Aw! Thanks! I do try my best to leave little happy footprints. 🐾

"I'm v aware it's not everyone's thing, so I'll always tag ^^. I hope you're not forcing yourself to read things that you don't feel good about reading, although i know we're all adults here and I can trust you to take care of yourself <3." Don't worry, I'm good.

"The most I feel ready to do, creatively, right now is drabbles and little vignettes like that. That has always been my style, in a way, to give small insights, to focus on small every day aspects of what it would be like to live a different life..." Glad to hear that you're figuring out what you like to do. Bite-sized fics are great, because sometimes you just want to write or read something real quick (either because you have a hard time focusing on one thing for an extended period of time or don't have the time/energy to just sit with one thing for an extended period or time—or a you're like me and your mind is just war-torn by ADHD and autism some days 🫠). It's also genuinely a skill to write little vignettes, as you have to convey everything you want to convey in a very concise manner (something I couldn't do if my life depended on it 🙃), which means determining how much information do you try to establish, figuring out how to do that, choosing what to just leave unaddressed or what you'll have to trust the reader to fill in the blanks for, and balancing how to do all of that without accidentally nixing important details or context while also not mucking up the pacing of the piece. Also, to circle back around to your concern about me forcing myself to read something I don't feel good reading, I probably wouldn't have read it if it wasn't a little vignette; it was basically the equivalent of me trying a bite-sized sample of a food I haven't personally been the biggest fan of in the past to see if my tastes have changed or if this cook's recipe is the exception to the rule (the answer ultimately was 'Still not my cup of tea' but, again, I can still recognize and appreciate that it was well made regardless of if it wasn't to my subjective personal tastes). I hope that made even a modicum of sense and/or that I didn't fumble this and come across as condescending or something 😅.

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself in that way. I have a lot of ideas of things to write, and for ocs outside of bg3, and it gets quite dark. It seems that my heart truly lies there there most ^^. It feels good to get it out with a lil drabble.

Your expanation makes a lot of sense! For me, I often find myself unable to read longer works, bc either energy or time is lacking. Sometimes i overestimate the time i have and i'm trying to speed read a 10k word fic during my lunch break 😅. I'm not sure if it is an artform for me like that, I admire ppl who can write longer pieces with the beautiful flowing prose... There's a lot of fun to be had with foreshadowing and plot twists and putting cliff hangers in, in multichapter fics. Maybe one day ! :))

Even though drabbles may not have much meat on their bones, I'm v open to discussing the themes or ideas i mention in them - im not quick to find topics sensitive or be defensive when i know its coming from a good place. I say that just in case!

Anyway, I hope you can find comfort in fanfic that are to your tastes, and i hope you have a lovely weekend!

xoxo

[septembermorningbells]

personal life rant under the cut sorry the quickest therapy appointment i could get was monday

okay this is fundamentally so unserious. but it has been driving me absolutely bonkers and i cannot really tell my friends about it without also driving THEM crazy also its juvenile but. here.

ok so quick lore update the girl who made me realize I was gay is one of my best friends and i met her when she directed a play i was in freshman year. this is important. realized my feelings sophmore spring and I eventually told her how I felt the fall of my junior year, when i was in another one of her plays, and she kind of flipped out bc she was studying abroad that next semester and I don't think she was in an emotional places to process everything. it was very unclear whether she actually returned my feelings and she never told me but it was a resounding 'lets just be friends!!!' regardless. after we fought for a month 🤪

ANYWAYS the next semester she goes abroad and we continue texting like every day but i eventually kind of get over it and i still love her but it transitions a bit. She comes back and we are closer than ever in the fall, we do so many things together and basically keep developing our already very close friendship.

now it's senior spring. she applied for a grant that would take her to grad school in england and of course I assumed she would get it bc she is like fantastically talented. i have briefly dated other people in the period in between but nothing really worked out and so i just resign myself to the fate of just hanging out with my friends and actually looking for love ugh when I move in september. but also at this point i know im kind of still in love with her so i was like 'enjoy this time with her because its our last semester in college and we are never getting this time back etc' and even though i want her in my life forever i knew it would be SO hard to see her go and move to another country for a while and maybe date other people. so i figured she would move and i would cry and be torn up but i would get over it. also, in the meantime, I have been entering into a bit of a flirtation with a girl we have both known for a long time (who is lovely) basically as a distraction but we both knew that it was NOT serious.

also for context: the friend is directing ANOTHER play right now that both me and flirtation girl are in. we are playing love interests.

so last wednesday she found out she didn't get the grant. me and our very good mutual friend (calling her X she will play a role later, she is also very very close with the girl lol) are SHOCKED. this means she will likely be with us on the east coast of the US with us. the following night, I go to a party with X, our friends, and the girl i have been flirting with. She makes a move on me at the party, which i wasn't quite expecting bc the play is ongoing and I am worried about making rehearsal awkward but i was like 'ok fuck it i guess isnt this what i set up i made my bed'

THEN X pulls me aside and is like 'grace wtf are you doing' and i said 'you literally knew about this and its not serious, why are you mad' and X says 'grace, she's not going to england', basically implying something about my friend and me. naturally, I freak out. I blow off the flirtation friend and basically spiral for the rest of the night and weekend. I eventually make X talk to me bc WTF

okay so the entire problem is that X can't say too much without compromising my friend which is fair. but basically X validated YEARS worth of feelings that me and my friend do not have a normal relationship, we have basically been dating for who knows how long, and heavily implied that after she found out i made out with the girl at the party she was jealous. after year(s?) of repressing my feelings this revelation obviously made me insane. BUT X was like 'you guys need to talk but you should probably wait until the play is over to do it' which is in THREE WEEKS. she said it maybe wasn't necessary but she obviously can't say too much to me and I feel bad putting her in this position but also WHAT. WHAT.

okay so. I feel like there's been a chip made in the side of the hoover dam of my fucking repression and i am having such crazy feelings and I can't really express them. I know my friend would probably prefer that we wait bc she takes her shows very very seriously (something i love about her!! so much!!!) but also we graduate in a month and i don't know if i can just not talk about what's going on for that long. also there is a fair chance we talk and we still have to just be friends which would kind of murder me (oh context her mother is like very homophobic and until this year she has been SO wary of relationships which i thought was permanent lol until X told me many repeated times that 'now it is different' WHAT DOES THAT FUCKING MEAN) but i would almost want to get that over with now????????? jesus christ.

to make things worse we are, as i stated before, graduating and so emotions are just running very high in general. we need to have this talk but I also want to have it at the right moment so things don't go to shit. but i have had a very hard time concentrating on anything. will be back to buisness soon but until then. jesus christ. just pray for me at this point idk what else to say

[veresk-is-back-at-it-again]

sometimes im genuinely surprised at how many people . genuinely ship cal and merrin? ESPECIALLY in the second game?

like dont get me wrong people can ship whatever they want but the way fandom latched onto calmerrin as THE ship for cal is ... weird to me? especially since we have bode? because for me calmerrin dynamic kind of. falls apart. in the second game. long rant below

so for me calmerrin were not a. GOOD. ship in the first game. not because i didnt like their dynamic- i thought it was kind cute and they had potential to grow together- but mostly because i absolutely headcanon them as a gay/lesbian duo. i genuinely thought that they worked best as friends- platonic soulmates, who find comfort in each other not in a desperate, romantice fire way, but in a way you sought comfort from hot coals in the fireplace. they will warm you for a long time, despite never being a straight out fire. but even back then, i could see the appeal- they were both survivors, both forced to carry the weight of their cultures, trying to salvage what they can from the unforgiving empire. cal, despite the heartbreak and suffering was a hopeful, and optimistic person, while merrin needed someone to show that not everything was bitterness and anger.

but then the second game came. and the mantis team broke up (for reasons, and yeah, it does have a justification) and when merrin talked with cal (dont rememver if it was before or after the kiss) she said that they didn’t share that unique survivor bond. at some level, it makes sense- there WERE a lot of families that got torn apart by the empire. but for me, her words didnt make a sliver of sense- their bond wasnt that of orphans, their bond was that of (basically) the sole survivors of entire cultures- not just their family was killed, their very existence as a jedi and a nightsister was paradoxal. because they didn’t just have to live on- they had to rebuild, scrap by scrap, inch by a blood-earned inch their cultures. thousands of years of traditions, language, practices. and then merrin tells cal that- that it wasnt unique? that their bond was no more than that of orphans? it didnt sit right with me.

and of course, cal changed. cal isnt nearly as hopeful- he still hopes, of course, but he became hardened, more bitter and anxious (and it probably has to do with him losing his third family. like. seriously. my man has at this point a very much worsening cocktail of survivors guilt, ptsd, attachment issues and lord knows what else). merrin is older now, she is more experienced, but she didnt really... change, i think. maybe she is more optimistic, though we didnt see it properly.

also can i say something, since we’re all here anyway? why the fuck was greez the only one to hug that kid when meeting cal after all this time? genuinely. like, what is up with that? cere and merrin barely pat his shoulder. would it kill them to give cal a hug? this is why greez is my favorite, his love isnt carefully contained and hidden.

back on track. so in the first part, we had this wonderful mix- cal would be the bright-eyes, optimistic counterpart to merrins guarded, and cautious presence. but in this game the only way i see them having a similar bond is merrin helping cal to fight the darkness which is... okay, i guess. but there is no back and forth. i dont see how they could make each other better people. i dont see how they could work as anything but platonic soulmates. to me, cal doesnt want merrin- he doesnt truly want her as his romantic partner. he wants people to stop leaving him.

this is probably very messy and maybe doesnt make sense, but cut me some slack, i am barely functional on my best days.

[markets]

hi markets how is life going for u bc basically the guy who was my best friend for years well we stopped talkign last spring completely bc long story short he was Very in love with me and i could not get myself to feel the same even though i TRIED girl i genuinely tried sohard but that just ended up with him feelinbg led on and hurt and asked to never speak to me again hahalol well yeah he just texted me out of the blue bc he got a leaked frank ocean song and sent it me. because he knows i love frank ocean and knew i wouldg love it and whAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT DOESNT HE REALIZE THAT NOW THIS SONG WILL BE FOREVER ATTACHED TO THE FEELING OF GUILT AND HEARTBREAK AND ILL NEVER BE NORMAL ABOUT A SONG THAT WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE RELEASED AND WILL ONLY EVER EXIST AS AN ATTACHMENT IN OUR MESSAGES????? anyway yeah. the song wasgood

ANON. anon listen to me because i literally had this exaxt same situation with my (now ex) best friend SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL almost two years ago. i also tried and i also accidentally led on and hurt them and they didnt ask me to never speak to them again and actually jsut ignored me all summer instead and likely got all our shared friends (aka most of my friends lol) to do the same so i just didnt bother trying to reconnect once school started again. im also currently on the other end of this kind of as the best friend who took that old best friends place (though we probably wouldve ended up becoming best friends even without that whole mess i hope) broke up with me after a few very good months of dating and a few very bad ones and i asked him not to speak to me for a while but then decided to reconnect with (which judging by the fact that im active on tumblr could be going better).

so yeah now that ive given you my credentials heres what you do you thank him if you havent already and tell him you hope hes doing well and then you put your phone down and go on a walk far far away from it and think about the whole thing. that isnt the best advice because there realyl is no good advice for this situation its one of those things that tears you apart and then points at you and says haha oh YOURE torn apart you say wow what a selfish asshole haha!! but honestly its so clear to me just from this one ask that you care about him so much and im sure he can see that too. if hes texting you he can at least see it a little, and if you would like to do so im sure your friendship is salvagable. the person who put me as the heartbreak emoji in their "people i had feelings for this year" tik tok last december invited me to their house last month and we laughed and joked even though last time i had been there i had been pretending to feel something i could only wish i truly felt. and i dont think theirs an effort more admirable and beautiful than trying to save something like that, than looking the world straight in the eyes and saying "you want me to leave this for dead but i wont because i CARE and that means something." i mean if he wants too of course. which if he sent the text he might thats kind of how i wnet about it when i tried to reconnect too. maybe take this with a grain of salt because im in a highly emotional time in my life but all im going to say is im sorry anon. i know how awful it is to lose a best friend. and im hoping everything goes well for both of you