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aizawa-needs-coffee · 4 years ago

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Hi!! Could I have a matchup please? I'm 18, pronouns she/her, I'm fine w any gender though I have a preference for males

If its of any relevance, physically I'm about 5'8 tall and on the chubby side, green eyes, brown hair (with blonde streaks) and I wear glasses

If you're into astrology/ mbti, I am a Sagittarius w both moon and rising in Cancer and I'm INFP

So I'm quite emotional lol. Usually very in touch with my emotions and quite perceptive of other's feelings as well. I have a huge saviours complex especially when it comes to feelings (i love helping others figure out their feelings, being a shoulder to cry on or even offering comforting hugs) but I try my best to keep it control cause I don't wanna be suffocating

On the outside I'd say I'm fairly organized, I keep my room clean and all of that, I'm a lil bit of a perfectionist but mentally I'm all over the place. I tend to get carried away by thoughts and emotions and end up procrastinating a lot; anxiety makes it all worse. In short, I suck at time management

To most people I may seem quiet and reserved but I actually really enjoy talking to people; I'm really insecure about not being funny or interesting enough tho. Around my friends I'm more relaxed but still have moments of self doubt

I can also be quite obsessive. If something really catches my interest I won't stop until I search all there is to know about it. For example I watched bnha, read the manga, the spin offs etc all in less than a month and now I'm indulging in fanart and fanfics because I need m o r e c o n t e n t hsbsb. I'm also that kind of person that listens to a new song they like on repeat until they hate it. Speaking of music, I can't say I have a taste lol. My fave genres are rock, pop and indie but I hear smth I like, I listen to it, whether its "high quality" music, basic or weird. Lately I've been listening to a lot of epicore which is literally the type of music thats used in fantasy and sci fi movies askfkdk

I like expressing myself through writing, singing and dancing but I really can't say I'm talented at either of those, it's all in good fun. I also enjoy reading (fiction, non-fic books bore me like hell; my fave genres are fantasy, sci fi and crime) but I haaate literature in school. I'm actually a bit of a math nerd and this year I'm starting uni, studying computer science!! Oh! I've also taken drama classes for 2 years (despite the fear I loved being on stage and plan on starting again once I'm done w the baccalaureate), I love playing D&D and while I woulnd't quite call myself a gamer, I love role playing video games. I'm also almost always down for any kind of multiplayer video games w friends although I have no experience

I'm not a sportive person, I go on walks or do a few exercises every now and then at home but I'm willing to try stuff out like a new sport or going to the gym w an s/o. I do plan on starting self defense classes soon and maybe taking up sword fighting (I love swords hehe)

Tbh I've never been in a relationship so I'm not really sure how I would act w an s/o, nor what I'm exactly looking for. I best express my affection through physical touch tho and that includes my friends so I'd like someone who isn't bothered or can get used to that (s/o would still receive the most hugs/ cuddles etc). I'm not that comfortable w the other love languages for friends and family, but I think I'd be a lot more eager to express my love through them for s/o. If I'm on the receiving end, my weakness is still physical touch :)) but I also need words of affirmation every now and then cause insecurities 🌠 and while I wouldn't ask for anything, especially objects, I am a hoarder and I'd keep any kind of gift like its a national treasure simply bc its from someone I love.

In addition, it doesn't really matter if s/o is more on the emotional or rational side a long as they dont invalidate my feelings; it angers me a lot and makes me feel even more insecure. I tend to isolate when I'm really really upset about something so I need a lil bit of pushing to talk abt it; I'm open to talk abt my feelings but I need the verbal confirmation that they care and wanna help, its not just cause they're being nice

Wow that is a lot of rambling jeez ajsjsjs sorry. Thank you so much if you've read throught that all and ty for the match up!!

Me and my wife literally having a ten minute debate on who we’d pair you with before I made my choice. Thanks for all the details and I hope you enjoy the match up!

I match you with Sero

I feel he’s outgoing and extroverted enough to help you with your anxiety and always reassure you that you are good at things and he does love you, he’s also so chill and laid back that even if you were clingy he’d not mind, he’d embrace it, his chill nature would help balance you. He would help you feel grounded and have a ‘you don’t have to do it all now’ attitude but would happily help you out. You need help going to the store? He remembers the list you wrote, having trouble fitting in lunch while you study? He’ll come to your door with pizza.

He’s determined and outgoing but isn’t aggressively positive and loud either which I think is why I picked him over Kirishima for you.

+++

“Hey babe, whatcha reading?” Sero asked sitting next to you on the sofa, he handed you a soda which you gratefully took, not looking up from your laptop screen.

As soon as he was sat down comfortably your hand grabbed his, clasping your fingers together as you managed to tear your gaze away from the Wikipedia page which was still open. You blinked up at him and shook your head.

“Oh just something I learned about today and wanted to do some.. extra reading” you explained.

He nodded his head and drank his soda watching as your face lit up as you started to ramble about the topic, he didn’t really know much about it but the way you told him about everything, the way you happily expressed your interest towards the topic made him happy. He gave you his big grin when you finished.

“Sorry, I rambled..” You felt bad, you always felt nervous when you info dumped on people.

“Nah, it’s cool, I didn’t mind at all” he brought your hand up to his face and gave it a kiss, your face flushed at the gentle gesture which caused Sero to laugh playfully.

“Well, if your sure… I just wanted something to take my mind off chores”.

“It’s the weekend, you don’t have to rush anyway.. and if you don’t feel better by tomorrow I can help, you can wash the dishes and I’ll dry?” he suggested still peppering kisses on the back of your hand before you set your laptop down and crawled closer to him.

You nodded softly, that sounded a lot more manageable, you felt your anxiety settle down from a raging nagging feeling to something easier to tolerate. He was such a good influence on you. Sero set down his drink and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer to his chest.

“The guys want to come over and say hi later, maybe get pizza… but I can tell them not tonight if you aren’t feeling it… maybe you can play that new game you got? I liked watching you play the other night” He suggested as he nuzzled your head, enjoying how your hair felt on his face.

“Maybe… can I give you an answer later?”

“Yeah, no rush babe”

You smiled softly feeling the lanky boy kiss the side of your head and listened as you carried on talking about the trivia of your current interest.

#match up monday #mha match up #bnha match up #bnha reader insert #mha reader insert #sero hanta x reader #sero x reader

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writing-with-olive · 5 years ago

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Ways to start writing every day

I’ve been writing for a few years now, and early on, I would write for a few days at a time, and then I’d abandon my work for months at a time and not write. During the beginnings of Project Toxin, my main WIP, I went three months without writing a word. And while missing a day or two is okay, especially if you’ve got mental health stuff that day (do not ignore your mental health), at least for me, there was this guilt that would grow worse and worse when I wasn’t writing. Somehow, that made it harder to write. There was a sense of “well I’ve screwed up by not writing, and I know I should be writing, but it’s not worth it now.” Which, by the way, is flawed reasoning. Below are some tips that I’ve discovered are useful to write every day, or at least 30 days of the month.

Coming out of writers block

1) Watch videos or listen to podcasts with writing advice.

I’ve found this effective because there’s that sense of “oh, I want to try that.” You’re not actually forcing yourself to write at this exact moment, and even if that seems counterproductive, it does take some of the stress off. Think about it; writing a book is frequently described as running a literary marathon. You can’t just jump up from the couch one day and go do it. You’ve got to get into the right mindset, and you have to be ready to do it. Seeking out inspiration is one of those steps to get you back into it.

2) Open up your writing document/notebook and read the last chapter

You don’t have to write, but open up your WIP and just read the stuff at the end, or if you’ve got the time/willpower for it, read the whole thing. A lot of times, procrastination - and writer’s block - is the fear or aversion to starting. It’s that first step that’s hard. So make it easier on yourself. Make the first step as approachable as you can. It might feel like you need to be strict with yourself, but going back to writing after writer’s block is all about easing back into it.

3) Do a writing sprint about your story

Set a timer for however long you like: five minutes, seven, ten, fifteen, twenty. Then during that time, write about your story. Things you like, don’t like. Why you haven’t been writing. Don’t stop. Don’t filter yourself. A lot of times, writer’s block is filled with a distructive sense of guilt - a distructive sense of “I need to be writing but I can’t so I won’t.” Getting all of these feelings on paper can help you distance yourself from those thoughts and put things into better perspective. The writing about your story itself can also give you new ideas about where you want to go, and where you feel like you’ve been. If you don’t have a WIP, then you can write about stories that you want to write. Or ideas that you think are cool.

Sticking with writing

1) Set up a reward/negative outcome system for writing

People tend to fall into one of two catagories: people who are motivated by reward, and people who are motivated by punishment. For me personally, I’m easily motivated by reward, but punishment never really makes that big of an impact. I also know people who are the other way around. Think about your past life experience, and think about what’s more motivating to you.

If you’re a reward motivated person, come up with rewards that you get for doing certain amounts of writing. Maybe you get to watch an extra episode of your favorite show if you get your daily wordcount. Maybe achievement in a day is cumulative; for every x number of words, you get another ten minutes of your favorite video game. If you don’t think that you’re going to be able to follow through (ie you think that yo’re going to be prone to grabbing the reward anyway regardless of your writing), let a friend or partner or sibling know what’s going on; maybe have them take away whatever thing it is until you’ve completed your goal. Make the thing a legitimate reward.

If you’re a punishment motivated person, think about things that you enjoy. Those things are now going to be taken away if you don’t write enough. Maybe you enjoy it when your partner gives you a shoulder massage. If you don’t write, you don’t get a shoulder massage. Make sure that whatever thing is on the line is not going to negatively affect your mental health. Don’t take away things like food in general (though taking away a specific type is fine), water, sleep or physical activity. If you don’t write enough and you don’t let yourself have these things, it’s only going to keep you from writing more.

2) Celebrate your wins and successes

If you’ve passed a writing milestone, celebrate. It can be big, but it doesn’t have to be. Acknowleging that you’ve completed something can be enough. It shows that you’re getting somewhere, and sometimes progress itself can be good inspiration.

3) Make sure you’ve got a setup that works for you

Some people need to write at the same time every day. Other people just need a certain location and a cup of tea. Others need certain sounds or levels of organization. Figure out what works for you, and set that up. This might also include what processer you prefer writing with. Make sure you’ve got the setup that helps you write the most successfully, and that puts you into a positive mindset.

4) Seek out inspiration

Inspiration is great for writers, but it’s not always reliable when it will hit you. So seek it out. Are there specific types of videos or images that get you into your story? Are there places where you like to stop and hang out? Books or shows that get your gears turning? Many people also say they have their best ideas on their commutes or in their shower, and this is because you’re most creative when you’re relaxed. When you’re commuting or taking a shower, you’re more relaxed in general, allowing this sort of inspiration to appear seemingly out of nowhere.

+++++++

So what might this look like?

For me, I’m a person who’s not in the middle of writer’s block, so I would skip to the second section. I’ve discovered that I’m more reward oriented, so I focus on setting up things to work toward, rather than things to work away from. I use a site called 4thewords.com, which is a site that gamifies writing, where the goal is to defeat monsters by writing words. The reward I get is the satisfaction that comes from defeating monsters and finishing quests. I celebrate a lot of my successes by talking to my family about them (they’re supportive), posting about it here on tumblr, and letting myself play extra rounds of video games. The setup that works for me is whenever I get a chance, I grab my laptop, turn on some music, and write on 4thewords. For inspiration I look for how-to videos and I do things that let my mind wander. Overall, I haven’t missed more than two days in the last four or five months.

note: if you want to join 4thewords, you can use this referral (my username is quinn-erto): S2XSR15522

#writing #writing on tumblr #writeblr #writing tips #writing advice #writers block #how to combat writer's block #how to keep writing every day #writing every day #overcoming writer's block #olive's writing vibes

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najatheangel · 4 years ago

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Hi~! Can I have a written ship for ateez, bts, and nct 127 please? I’m 21 years old, American, 5’4, Gemini, and I have green eyes. I’m very shy and awkward at first, but I’m more talkative, bubbly, weird, and feisty once you get to know me. I’m also a little moody and lazy at times 🥴. I’m going to school to be a vet tech (love animals) and I love taking naps. I enjoy sweets, soft/cuddly stuff, and trashy tv shows. I prefer to stay inside than go out to have fun, but I do enjoy shopping. Thank you so much! 🤗

Hii sweet pea🌸🌸, thanks for requesting. You sound like a sweetheart. I also appreciate your patience here’s your ship...

From Ateez, I ship you with...Seongwha

Positive Side: An adorable little duo. First of all Aries and Gemini’s are total couple material. There’s very strong communication and strong personalities that can handle each other. So both of your shells would open fast once you meet each other and at that point, the attachment becomes stronger as your days together goes by. Although Seongwha can be the more aggressive one in the relationship, it’s only because he’s a lot more passionate and excited about how things will start to develop in your relationship. Dates together are very soft! Since you both can be lazy at times, you both love to binge watch your favorite movies, dramas and tv shows together all day and have discussions in between every episode. His reactions to every app always makes you laugh because there so over the top. When you try to cuddle close to him, he would try to push you away acting like he didn’t like it at first, but then a second later he would pull you back close to him caressing the top of your head. He would be so supportive of your vet tech career and will be motivating you every step of the way.

Negative Side: As a team, it’s hard for the both of you to follow through with finishing a task/project without the other person. You both have this habit where you tend to procrastinate very easily by taking long naps, talking to your friends or even scrolling through social media. It’s understandable because your both working hard to take your careers to the next level but sometimes it can be hard to keep up with deadlines. For example, one day Seongwha would have to have an extra day exstension for not learning the choreography all because he was hanging out with his friends. In the case with you, you could miss one quiz one night because you stayed up all night watching Boys over Flowers.

But...: You both don’t let this happen all the time, especially when it all depends on your future. If it’s a goal you really want to accomplish or finish something your really interested in, your going to dedicate all the the time and put in effort in order to complete it. Once the job is done it’s back to the normal routine which doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a bad thing. When both of you complete your goals, you reward each other by going shopping or going out on a ice cream date. That’s the best part about this relationship, celebrating each other’s proud moments.

Uggh my gahd, stop it your too cute. 😭✨

From Bts, I ship you with...Jungkook

Positive Side: This bunny boy would love you in ways nobody else has shown you in a long time. At first it took sometime for you two to open up because of how shy, quiet and awkward you two can be when meeting each other, but he wanted you to feel comfortable by breaking his shell out as you were the one opening up to him first. Jungkook just follows your lead in the beginning when it comes to having conversations and even hanging out with him. After awhile, he just knew in his heart he wanted to be with you and worked for it until you accepted his confession. Jungkook loves exploring when it comes to trying new sweet spots with you. If you wanted a pound of chocolate chip edible cookie dough, he would get it for you. Also when your shopping with him to help him get his stage outfits for the next concert is a time where you both get silly chasing each other in and out the dressing room. Also you hyping each other up when getting each other’s hair done. “Wow look at my scrumptious blueberry. I love the blue hair on you.” He looks to the side blushing ruffling his hair. “I could say the same about you. They did amazing with your highlights.” Lastly, he would be there for you the whole time throughout your time finishing school. In a sense, he knows what it feels like to handle the pressure of graduating while practing as sn idol at a young age. He would give you words of encouragement and even right messages on sticky notes in your notebook every do it can boosts your energy.

Negative Side: Your both homey people which works out for the best, but out of the both of you, Jungkook is the more adventurous one. It’s expected that he’s more energetic because of his busy schedule and being an idol. Whenever he tries to ask you some days if you want to come along with him to go to the beach with him and the members or even try to tag you along with him to his next performance, your schedules wouldn’t line up or you were tired from working all day and just wanted to get some sleep. The both of you feel upset whenever you can’t see each other those days, but the you know that you have to finish your jobs for the day.

But...: Once a special occasion comes up such as a date, anniversary or a holiday comes up, you both plan months ahead to dedicate that time off. Once you get the approval to spend time with each other, it’s just makes your whole day. If it doesn’t ever work out, you guys still find time to FaceTime from your locations, you even decide to have fun with it. One time you had decided to do a FaceTime dinner date where you both dressed fancy and ordered the same food from different hotels. “The steak tastes so delicious babe. Thanks for recommending it to me.” “It’s no problem. I always know what you like. You look stunning in that dress baby.” The both of you blush at the amount of compliments you give each other and chat the whole night until you go to sleep.

From NCT 127, I ship you with...Haechan

Positive Side: Y’all would have a love-hate relationship. When y’all first meet, from the jump he would be dying to get to know you asking you all kinds of questions, but that’s because he wanted you to open out of your shell. Once y’all got to know each a lot better and become best friends, get ready for this man to tease you nonstop. He would jokingly try to push your bottons by making fun of how you eat soup, the way you walk in heels, literally anything and that’s when you both bicker back in forth coming for each other’s throats. After awhile, you both start developing feelings and it was awkward because the both of you were trying not to make it too obvious, but once you finally confess to each other it was a beautiful moment that you both can cherish. Not much changed in your relationship at that point it was more like best friends doing romantic things. He would drag you along everywhere whenever him and his 127 members travel around different states not giving a care in the world who was gossiping about the two of you. You also have chill dates where you’d sneak into each other’s rooms helping you study for school or watching movies all night long, but y’all would be distracted either way by play fighting or making out under the covers. Since both your moods change fast, it makes sense that this is your routine, but you both wouldn’t ever wanted things to change.

Negative Side: In the beginning, Haechan would sometimes go a little to far getting on your nerves bothering you constantly. One time you were tired from class and had to redo a paper from one of your English classes and all of a sudden Haechan was already on a ten dancing baby shark sexily in front of you. At first you were laughing and told him to stop, but then that turned to hours of silliness which led to missing your deadline to your paper. Even sometimes when he roasts you infront of the members, it turns into a big blowout with you both ignoring each other for days. “You know what Haechan you play too much and I’ve really had enough of your games. Your sleeping on the couch tonight.” “Fine by me, you snore too much anyway.” Snatches your pillow from you and slams the door. “I swear, he’s such a child..”

But...: The members couldn’t stand how gloomy you two were around each other and put you two in a private room to work out your differences. It was hard at first because your constant arguing. Once you both realize how hard you were on each other, you both made up and started to learn when not to cross the line with hurting each other’s feelings. He’s never going to stop messing with you, because that’s how he shows his form of love for you. What’s even better is that Haechan can be the best boyfriend at the same time being your number 1 supporter, teddy bear, best friend and lover.

Out of everyone, I ship you the most with...Jungkook ⭐️

@ermbabyel I hope you liked your ship and feel free to request again anytime in the future.

#submission #kpop ships #written ships #bts ships #nct 127 ships #ateez ships #ateez #nct 127 #Bts #Jungkook #haechan #Seongwha

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skelffricat · 4 years ago

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Good grief, Charlie Brown.

I’ve never owned an electric toothbrush. I’ve never had a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher. I like washing dishes. I never bought an iron. I don’t have a hairdryer. I find it strange that I get advertised these reusable alternatives for things that I never use anyway. Alternatives to cling film. I put another plate over the dish. Alternatives to cotton buds. I use my finger. (Ew, you may say, but surely a finger’s that size to fit in ears and nostrils? Or whatever orifice you please. Wash your hawnds.) Alternatives to cotton wool circles. What? I dont know why these thoughts have come into my head, when I want to write about my youngest child. Really, I’m meant to be working, but an annoying email from my dead daughter’s school sent me down a suicide rabbithole. Perhaps those other thoughts come about as my classic brain avoidance schemes. Like when you hoover instead of doing an essay. Positive procrastination, I used to call it. I wanted to visit some friends last night- a fun thing! but I was feeling all solitary and awkward. I cleaned the bathroom ceiling at first, instead! I had to really talk myself into going to see them. I was looking at my bed and it was saying, “Get into me! and read your book!”

Then I went, and I had a lovely time, of course. I still finished the book I was reading, when I got home at midnight, until three am, making myself ever so tired. I’ve stopped taking the tablets- beta blockers and mirtazapine (more by accident rather than design. They’re still up in the chemist waiting for me. I’m rather disorganised) and so sleep doesn’t come as readily. I have to take deep breaths for ages sometimes, to get over. And I awake in the night hearing things that aren’t there. I heard The Woodcarver calling me, one night, plain and loud as day. Another time, I heard my son knocking my door three times, sharply (or was it a burglar? I said that to someone and they laughed. Burglars don’t knock! Oh, hello there, wake up, I’m robbing you blind!) Bounced out of bed. Heart hammering. Called him. He was fast asleep. Was it her ghost? I don’t believe in ghosts, really. Kind of wish I did. She’d be a mischievous one, no doubt. Is it always 5:57am, when I awake? The same time. Time to find your dead child.

I’m often in the house alone, now. They didn’t want to leave me alone, and there were so many people in the house, for ages. Then all of a sudden, it stopped. And I changed lovers... I changed to the one I’d been in love with for over a year, the one who seemed too young, the one who wasn’t interested. Suddenly he was interested. Well. It wasn’t sudden. It took a few weeks. Seven weeks? The seven week itch? It coincided with when the Scottish lover asked me to stop letting other people come to the house. He wanted me to himself. Which is kind of fair enough, though I knew it wouldn’t last anyway. (People coming to my house, I mean, not the relationship. I really enjoyed having a relationship with him. He is very sweet, funny, intelligent, and kind. The sex was great. He can cook wonderful food and play guitar well. I liked to sing with him. I am ashamed to say I was bothered by his being smaller than me, though. His face tended to itch me, too- he never quite grew a beard long enough to stop that. As he kept shaving it off, not because he couldn’t. That was the first time he kind of annoyed me, though.)

Lockdown doesn’t help, of course. We were all breaking rules in our grief. Covid is cancelled, my mother said. Masks off. Hugs all round. A friend told me you need extra oxytocin when you’re grieving. I was getting plenty of it. Good grief...

Now I am frequently alone, and as my new lover is very busy studying (or perhaps less interested in me again now that he has my attention back? Though his reticence in getting with me stemmed from his concerns about the uneven nature of our interest in each other...) I haven’t seen him all week. I feel myself becoming depressed, and withdrawn, and paranoid, yet I still don't feel particularly sad about my daughter’s death. Which is strange. Isn’t it? Here is the email I received from her school this morning (it had her name and class at the top of the email):

“Good morning

I hope this email finds you all well.

A number of years ago I signed the college up to the campaign against period poverty. I receive and distribute sanitary products to girls, primarily on free school meals, but any who are in need of the products and either can’t afford them or it is difficult to get them. The products are normally distributed by myself, during P.E and games, unfortunately this can’t happen at present.

These products are still available during the school closure. If you wish to avail of them, please contact our school info account (which is only read by one member of office staff) your request will be directed to me and I will contact you directly regarding collection.

These are difficult times for many at present and to quote my favourite supermarket, ‘every little helps’.

Kind regards...”

I was really with her until she quoted Tesco. And said they were her favourite!! Ugh! I mean, it really is a great idea. Though they really should check if the people they are writing about are still capable of bleeding. My heart bleeds....

I replied thus:

“Hello there.

Great idea, but as (my youngest daughter) has died, she won't be needing them any more. I hate Tesco- they ruin many little businesses.

Maybe take me off this mailing list?”

Then I attached one of her seven suicide notes: the one for school. Which I had previously not shown them. I only found it on Christmas Eve. Can I attach it, here? It has no names...

There we are. Is it wrong of me to find her notes amusing? She is so angry, people say. I wonder how much of it is literal, and how much of it is using the school as a big nameless scapegoat. She was funny in the rest of them, too, and very loving. I found them comforting, like a fucked up Christmas present.

Then I started reading articles about suicide, and they were about how we shouldn’t call the people who do it selfish, about how depressed they are, how they need pity, not anger. I’m tired of the pity (though I’m not the suicidal one). I’m not producing enough sadness from myself when people pity me, either. Where is my sadness? Am I too acceptant of it all? We are all going to die. Is suicide like a C-section? Is it cheating death, like I thought my Caesareans cheated birth? Is suicide self euthanasia? Why do I not miss my daughter more? Is it because she had already left? Was she released, happy, free as a bird, swooping away on an Awfully Big Adventure? Trapezing her way into the æther? I googled to see if I could find any positive reactions to suicide. Is this my nature, to try and find the good in everything? To try and make light of the horrific? Is everything a joke to me?

I found this blog post, from Andreas Moser.

I love it. Am I trying to take the blame away from myself? The NHS? The school? Should I be reeling and railing against the systems that let my daughter get into that state? Why am I instead trying to find ways to applaud her behaviour, accept it, even enjoy it?! When I read his words, “I admire their courage (because logical as it may be, it’s not easy) and the determination to make the ultimate decision in life oneself.” I felt a strange sensation of relief, that someone else could think those things. I had been thinking them, but trying not to, because it seemed like such an awful thing to think. But then I think, why does anyone else have to be to blame? It was her decision.

The book I was rereading is called Life After Life, by Kate Atkinson. It’s my favourite book, I have decided, for now. Do favourites stay favourites? I was looking at my old Couchsurfing Profile today (because of Andreas’ blog- he, as a hippy hermit, is, of course, on Couchsurfing). One needs to update these every so often. Explain that you have watched another film in the last twenty years, that there is one less sofa in your living room, one less child on your earth. Even though no-one is allowed to move around, really. No visiting. No exploring. Perhaps she killed herself to escape the boredom.

In Life After Life, the main character, Ursula, lives again and again. (I forgot that to live again and again, she had to die again and again. It's a very sad and graphic book, spanning two wars- read it. It is, ultimately, uplifting.) I wanted to read it again to make my daughter live again, and again. We need to write her alive. Show her drawings and paintings. Listen to her songs (they're hilarious). Read her poems. Admire her photographs. Tell the stories of her antics.

I know that really she was actually depressed and withdrawn. I know it isn’t a glorious escape. That her wee head was broken, and that sometimes it’s just easier to say, it was unfixable, she was determined, this is what she wanted, than to contemplate it as my (or anyone else’s) failure to help her. I know that she used to be confident and gregarious. She would have danced in front of people, inspiring others. She was always upside-down, tumbling, twirling, cartwheeling. She had a dry, cheeky wit, and rather an amusing obsession with poo and wee. She was kind, and wise. She liked to bake vegan treats. She could draw, and paint, and sing so beautifully. She played the ukelele, but by then she was hiding away. She had started to write poems- songs? She wouldn’t show us them. We had to beg her to perform on the trapeze for her Granny’s eightieth, in July. She did so, beautifully, but you could tell she hated the attention. Four months later, she hanged herself on it.

Had we all withdrawn into ourselves, this 2020? Was there really nothing else to do? Yet I remember the start of Lockdown seeming idyllic. All that free time, all that sunshine. Was I just trying to convince myself, as usual? The only people we saw were the Woodcarver and the neighbours. She taught the wee boy next door to ride his unicycle. When she died, he brought in a picture he had drawn, of them on their unicycles, she as an angel above herself, a rainbow arcing over the three figures. His sadness affected me. I felt like I could only be sad through other people. Where is my sadness? Where is my grief? Good grief, bad grief, no grief? Alternatives to grief.

#teenagesuicide #goodgrief #badgrief

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tiaragqueen · 6 years ago

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Hello there! Could you write an obsessive yandere jungkook (who has an oppa kink) stalking his mechanic crush (that’s younger than him) and wondering what she keeps her so busy whenever he asks to hang out with her and come to find out, she turns out to be a yandere too after placing tracking devices in the majority of his posessions? This doesn’t make any sense tbh T^T

Hidden Blessing

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Jeon Jeongguk x Yandere! Reader

✂ Word Count: 1,7k+

✂ Trigger Warning: Obsessiveness, toxic relationship, stalking, reader being a yandere for the first time

✂ This story is fictional and for amusement only. I don’t believe any of the members would do this in real life. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day!

Donot re-upload my writing to another website or use it without mypermission.

[Edited]

***

Yandere reader, huh? I’ve certainly never tried this before, but I do think about it once in a while. And also, I don’t know much about mechanical stuffs. So, pardon me if this came out strange and Jungkook wasn’t obsessive enough. I feel a bit tired recently.

If you like mywriting, please support me on ko-fi!

“I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I’d love you to love me. I’m beggin’ you to beg me.” – I Want You To Want Me [Cheap Trick]

[11.25 am] Jungkook: Hi, wanna hang out today? :)

Seen.

[12.10 pm] You: Hey~! Sorry, oppa. I’m busy today. Maybe tomorrow??

Seen.

[12.11 pm] Jungkook: Oh, okay then. Don’t forget to text me, kay? ;)

Seen.

Declined. Again.

Jungkook sucked a breath through his gritted teeth and threw the device in frustration. On to the bed, of course, because he couldn’t afford to break his precious phone. It was the only way he could contact you outside the campus, being a broke college student he was.

It was a hassle, having to text you first just to hang out together. Sometimes he wished he was more than a senior to you – more than someone you occasionally met in a passing – so he could freely visit you anytime he wanted.

But you never thought of him that way, did you?

Sighing, Jungkook plopped on the edge of the bed and rested his forehead against his palms. The urge to ‘claim’ you had never been this strong ever since you started declining his invitations. Jungkook didn’t understand what went on in your life until you couldn’t possibly spare an hour or so to hang out together. Yeah, everyone had their own businesses to deal with, but surely it wouldn’t hurt to spend a bit more time for him? He never asked much besides your company, and now you were too ‘busy’ to do that.

Or maybe he could come to your apartment and pretended to help you with whatever you were working on…?

No, he shook his head. That would be rude of him to show up in your doorstep unannounced. He should’ve waited a little longer. Didn’t you tell him that you would text him again tomorrow? Well, you didn’t since you only saw his message, but that counted as one right?

God, how did a simple hangout could be this complicated? Why couldn’t you just agree to his fucking invitation? Didn’t you know that he couldn’t be away from you for too long?

Jungkook simpered bitterly. Of course, you didn’t. You were too busy to notice that, anyway.

Well, there was no need to stress himself even more. You already promised him that you would hang out tomorrow, and Jungkook planned on keeping that promise.

Tomorrow…

In less than twenty-four hours, he would be able to be with you. Laughing, chatting, eating, touching. All the affectionate things that only lovers could do.

Lovers, not friends.

Boyfriend, not senior.

Jungkook grinned giddily and rested his head on the pillow. Staring up the plain ceiling, he imagined you laying on top of him with that angelic smile of yours. Your hand stroked his cheek tenderly, [e/c] eyes admiring the dark constellation that scattered around his face as he did yours. Then, after you finished marveling at each other, you would slowly lean down. Jungkook closed his eyes, pressing himself further into the bed.

However, instead of the kiss that would take his breath away or make him see the stars, only cold air greeted his lonely lips.

Fluttering his eyes open, Jungkook sighed in disappointment.

When would the day come until those imaginations materialize right in front of his sight like he always dreamed of?

***

You didn’t text.

Jungkook had waited and waited, since this morning, for the anticipated message. Permission from you. However, even after the hours fleeted to noon, his phone still showed your selfie that he secretly saved as his lock screen a few days ago.

Did you forget about your promise? Did you forget about him already? No, you didn’t. You must be doing something and you probably were waiting for the right time to text him.

No, he refused to believe that you forgot about your promise or him. You weren’t that cruel, right?

Then, why did you still haven’t send him a single message? It didn’t matter if it was a curt ‘yes’, Jungkook would still be happy. But apparently, you opted to ignore him instead.

Maybe you didn’t care about him as much as he liked to believe. Maybe it was all just his imagination, yet again. Maybe he had tricked himself into thinking that you cared about him.

Maybe you had been leading him on all along, and he was just too stupid to realize it now.

Gritting his teeth, Jungkook thrashed his room like a madman on the loose. After all the things he had done to gain your attention, after all the money he had spent for you to the point of near poverty, you had the guts to lead him on? What kind of a man did you take him for?!

You were a brave one, he admitted. No, not brave. Bold would be a perfect word to describe your attitude. Jungkook might have fallen head over heels to you, but it didn’t mean he would let himself be made a fool. Especially to some weak, lovely woman.

A glint in the upper corner of his closet caught his attention. It was tiny enough that he would have missed it, but somehow, his senses increased during his mini rampage. Perhaps, it was a sign from the above that his current situation wasn’t a predicament at all. Either way, Jungkook was glad that he noticed that alien thing.

Because he soon discovered that it was, in fact, a camera. And the flickering light indicated that it was on and recording.

Jungkook inspected its shiny appearance, face stony. It seemed brand new, from the looks of it. He was entirely clueless about that fact, but he knew that he should do the thing he had been procrastinating until now.

Cleaning.

Grabbing the cleaning equipment, Jungkook began to clear up the mess that littered around his room whilst searching for other hidden cameras. He found many tracking devices concealed in his bags, hoodies, the back pockets of his pants, and snapbacks. Dark was certainly Jungkook’s favorite color, thus camouflaging those devices that were also dark in color. They were active, as seen from the red lights that flickered intermittently. Aside from that, the stalker must have known that he tended to be careless.

But the question was, who would stalk him? There was nothing remarkable from him. Sure, he had a handsome, boyish face and bunny-like teeth that many people found a charm in. However, he wasn’t the only person who possessed such features. His grades weren’t high enough to attract attention, too. Average enough to pass the tests, yet not enough to be the top-third.

All in all, Jungkook was a normal college student that liked to procrastinate and played video games until late at night. Oh, and a normal guy that had a seemingly unrequited ‘crush’ on his junior.

“I want to be an artisan someday. I just like creating things, you know? Especially electronics devices, such as cameras and the like…”

You. You were his stalker. Oh God, how did this happen? Since when have you been stalking him? He thought you weren’t interested in him. And how did you manage to slip those–

“Glad to know that I’m not the only messy one here, Oppa. Don’t worry, I won’t judge!”

Jungkook’s tensed shoulders slowly slackened as the epiphany dawned on him.

“[Name], I’m gonna go to the bathroom for a bit.”

“Sure! I’ll look around in the meantime. Don’t pee on the floor, ‘kay?”

Happiness erupted within his swelling chest and manifested itself with a smile that became wider in each second. Jungkook didn’t know why he felt this way when he was supposed to be creeped out at the fact that you had stalked him for a month now. But one thing for sure was that his feelings and efforts weren’t waste in vain. In fact, you had been secretly reciprocating them by ‘keeping an eye’ on him.

You had been appointing yourself as his bodyguard, and Jungkook couldn’t be any happier.

What did he do to deserve such an attentive woman like you? He felt like the luckiest guy in the world, even though you both had yet to get married.

But there was no need to rush, now that he knew about your love for him. Jungkook always noticed that despite your playful attitude, you had a difficulty in expressing true feelings. And while he was a little disappointed that he only realized them just a few seconds ago, he understood and appreciated your efforts. Little things were what he cherished the most, although he certainly wouldn’t mind if you showed more forthright and grand gestures.

Whatever suited you better; Jungkook already accepted you as a whole, anyway.

The screen of his phone suddenly lit up, displaying the very name he had been waiting to see. Swiping the green button upwards, he put the phone near his ear.

“Hello?”

“Oppa! Oh, God. I’m so sorry I forgot to text you!” Your frantic, yet heavenly voice filled his hearing. “I was so busy watching and–”

“I know,” Jungkook beamed, gazing out of the window. The sky was cloudy, and there were already several drops of water against the windowpane. Yet, an inexplicable warmth filled his heart as he listened to your sputtering across the call. “You were watching me, weren’t you?”

“W-what? Of course not! What are you talking about, Oppa?” you tittered and tried to cover up the truth, but Jungkook knew better. Besides, you weren’t very good at lying, anyway.

“Don’t worry, I won’t judge.” He used your own words to see if you were able to catch the hint. “Glad to know that I’m not the only one who works hard here. Thank you, by the way. I was surprised to see that camera inside my closet.”

“Oppa, can we go out?”

You sounded weary, and Jungkook didn’t like it. Not one bit. So, to cheer you up, he decided to say the sentence that you probably wanted him to say.

The three words that he had been yearning to say.

The three words that would change your lives drastically, either for the best or the worst.

For other people, it would certainly be the worst. But for him, it would be best. Because life with you was heaven in itself.

“I love you.”

There was a momentary silence before you replied in a soft voice. The kind of voice whose speaker had already surrendered to their fate, yet couldn’t have it any other way.

Because this was for the better.

“I love you too, Oppa.”

Satisfaction colored the happiness in his smile as he realized that hidden blessings existed in every kind of predicament. He just needed to look deeper and be patient.

For he would reap what he sow.

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icewindandboringhorror · 5 years ago

Photo

Another set of responding to asks lol.. As usual I have them numbered and will also write out the ask in the text, especially since the screencaps are all blurry and taken at various times/compiled together badly and probably hard to read ghghhggh..... answers under the read more ~

-------------------------

1. "Hi I don't mean to bother you at all, but I was wondering where you get your rocking horse shoes? (I think thats what they're called) I've been looking everywhere and I can't seem to find any :(( "

I don’t entirely remember, since I got them like 6 or 7 years ago.. I think maybe at some point that place ‘bodyline’ or something had some cheap ones? But I don’t see them on the site anymore, they were like $50 or $60. Now when I google it I can only find these insane like $600 ones from vivian westwood or whoever, or ones that are platform shoes but not necessarily the same type. Maybe you could find some on aliexpress or ebay or something? Usually you have to use weirdly specific search terms and look for a while, but you can often find stuff like that on those sites. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help!!!

2. "I've been sick for over a month and my doctor tested me - everything came back fine. After some discussion it appears that my ptsd symptoms came back and the stress on my body is making me fatigued, sick and dizzy. I don't want to say that this could be similar to you situation, but if you have a therapist or someone to talk to about any stresses/your sickness, it might help relieve the pressure a bit. Good luck, I'm so sorry you feel so unwell"

Thank you for sharing! Yeah, I think stress definitely plays a part in why I feel sick so often. Currently I’m not still having the same problem I was having a few months ago when you sent this, so that’s good at least!!

3. “Hi! Do you plan to ever have more sculptures for sale? Or would you do commissions? I haven't seen any in a while but wanted to buy one! :-O”

I have plenty that I want to sell, I guess it’s just hard for me to get set up. Since so much of the reason I procrastinate selling stuff is because I hate the stress of deciding on a price, I’ve thought for a while now that maybe I can just auction them (so I just set a base price, but people bid whatever they feel is fair and I don’t have to decide myself). But I’m just not sure of a good way to do that.. Ebay has auctions, but I don’t want random strangers buying them, I’d rather stick to just the pool of people who follow my art blog and are already familiar with my sculptures or etc. I could do them on here ?? (like, ‘reply to this post to bid, bids close 8am EST, whoever said the highest number sends the money through paypal and then I send the sculpture’ sort of thing???) But I’m not sure if it’s legal to sell stuff through tumblr, or if there could be any other problems with doing it so ‘unofficially’ like that.. I don’t know, I have a vague idea, I’m just having trouble deciding the best way to set up something! I do want to sell some soon though, if I live through the pandemic and anything ever goes back to normal, of course (I wouldn’t want to be having to leave the house to ship stuff in the mail right now).

As for commissions, I have actually done sculpture commissions for friends a few times, so I feel confident-ish that I’d be able to do something like that, but I also wouldn’t want to get overwhelmed since it takes a lot of work. Custom sculptures may also be more expensive, and again.. I always feel guilty and strange about pricing. I’ve thought about doing very limited sculpture commissions though (like, maybe just one at a time, first come first serve or something..?). If it seems like there’s actual interest in that sort of thing, I could definitely consider doing it in the future!

4. " *picks up that smol blue kid and throws them across the room* "

ghgh .. the smallness is an advantage... they could just skitter back down your arm like a tiny squirrel the second you tried to pick them up.. Ythrili survival strategy is to be too small to catch in the first place

(also forgive every sketch in this post, my screen that you can draw on broke, so I’m either drawing stuff in ms paint with a mouse, or drawing stuff on paper and coloring it in firealpaca also with a mouse ghghh.. not going to look Good)

5. "it sounds like you feel pressure to only post good content on the internet, and so you end up psyching yourself out of posting at all. Am I on the right track? "

Not necessarily, like I mentioned in the tags I think it’s more just that everything is complicated by my brain. I can’t just do something effortlessly. Whether it’s for an audience or not, I get caught up on every little detail and adding so much complexity to everything that all tasks take me longer than they take other people lol. I think I just tend to take everything very seriously??

Like for example, I’m often accused of ‘turning things into a discussion’ when someone was just intending to make an off-handed remark, because if someone is bringing up a topic to discuss, I end up engaging with it 100% and putting full effort into it, and it’s hard for me to be ‘’casual’’ about pretty much anything (so if someone was like ‘My day yesterday was a bit weird’ I wouldn’t be able to just respond ‘aw man, that sucks’, I would just be like ‘Weird how? what happened? what made it weird? Are you okay now? Are things still weird? Have you found a solution?’ etc. etc.). I was also bad at essays/open answer questions in school (despite usually being great at the class otherwise), because no matter how hard I tried to filter my speech and cut things out, I was always far too long-winded and would get almost too engaged with the topic and lose the clear cut thought organization and focus that you’re supposed to have I guess. Even like, playing video games or something that’s supposed to be relaxing, I can’t just ‘jump into them’ and do whatever, usually any game I play (large ones at least, small 25 minute point and click adventure games don’t count of course), I have 7 - 10 pages of notes, do hours of research, look up most of the main spoilers, plan out and organize exactly how I’m going to play it and this and that, etc. lol...

So, that personality trait carries over into posting things online as well, I can’t just type something out quickly and hit ‘post’ without a second thought. Social media is hard for me because you’re supposed to use it casually, but I spend a long time re-reading drafted posts, thinking about them, etc. etc., and end up never actually getting around to posting anything. It’s not that I’m perfectionist about it and want it to be ‘good’ or appear a certain way, it’s just that my mind becomes preoccupied with things I guess. I’m a natural information gatherer, part of my natural way of processing things is to learn everything possible before acting, and I want to make sure I’ve fully thought about everything always, and know as much as I can (so I wouldn’t want to publicly say something without giving it a lot of consideration first, or post a picture without really thinking about if I want to post it, what my reasons behind posting it are (like if I’m posting something just for a validation of a certain aspect of myself VS. genuinely because I like it, etc.), if a few months from now I’ll still like that I posted it, etc. lol.. even with like silly cat photos or something, I have to analyze it and be like ‘hmm.. will I still stand by this picture in 4 months? why am I posting it publicly vs, just keeping it privately to myself on my computer? what’s important about it?’ etc. etc. ghgjhgjh.. like.. shut up lol.)

ANYWAY, yeah, I don’t know if it’s about wanting online content to be “good”, as much as it’s just like... I take everything way too seriously and am detail-oriented, contemplative, and analytical to a fault, which means it just takes me 10x longer to do basic ‘’simple’’ things that it would for other people. Though I can still be quite quick-thinking and decisive (I don’t often waver back and forth between things too long), it’s usually because I have years of thinking about the same exact things behind me, so I already am very clear on my opinions on stuff, to a point. But when it’s new things I’m less familiar with (like playing a new game, or posting regularly online), I’m still in a phase where I guess I have to give it a lot of thought. I just process things in a different way than other people I guess? Or have some inherent inability to be brief/concise/careless? If you’ve ever read any of my worldbuilding posts (where I usually start off wanting to explain one thing but then have to derail into 400 other misc. details and explanations and it ends up being a novel), then maybe it’s more evident what I mean, where it’s just like... my natural manner of speaking is Too Much.. I guess? Even this answer is winding and rambly, and I feel like other people could have answered this ask in only a few sentences lol..

If any of that makes sense? I don’t know how to describe how I am lol.. I just know it's hard to me to use social media in this ~~casual effortless~~ way most people seem to, since my brain is just inherently incapable of anything ‘’casual’’ or ‘’effortless’’ lol.. T u T ;;

6. " Hi! I hope this isn't weird to say, I'm designing a race for my DND campaign and some of the aesthetics are a little bit inspired by some of your costumes and makeup designs. You're awesome and your art is awesome so thanks : ) "

Thanks so much, I appreciate it! It’s always cool to hear I can inspire people~

(I usually don’t include many compliments in these ask compilation posts, but I always try to include a few, just to let people know that even if I don’t respond to all of them I do see them, and appreciate it!)

7. ???

I ended up cropping out this ask and not answering because some of the content was questionable (the reason WHY/how they wanted to make the character) in a way that I didn’t feel like getting into a long thing about, but part of it was relevant to making OCs in my world, so I will just make a quick comment:

I do state that this is a closed world, so I don’t want anyone making OCs of my species or etc. at least not at this point. Once my game is finished (if ever lol), or I write a few books or something, then I feel it would be understandable if people like, made up a background story for their player character and thus maybe could have some form of OC in my world and etc.. So I may be more relaxed on this in the future as I create content that people naturally would want to engage with , but for now, I’m still a very tiny creator with a closed world and it just doesn’t feel the same as like.. making an oc based on some thing in a big TV series or something. My worldbuliding and etc. is still very personal to me. Unless we’re directly collaborating on things (like mentioned here (link) a bit), or you’re a personal friend of mine who’s gotten involved in the world with my own guidance (meaning I could tell you lore things you’d need to know to make it accurate, etc.), then I don’t feel it’s appropriate for strangers to do at this point.

Especially since I don’t even have enough world info out for people to be able to reference (most species have half-complete guides, I’ve only ever talked about like, one continent, etc.). There are so many necessary details which I have only in my head and have never typed out, so again, idk, it’d just be weird. I’m not okay with it until I have a lot more lore published, and maybe a few actual works out there that people can reference/stories/games/basis for OCs to exist in the first place. If that makes sense?

8. "Hey, is it ok to use your outfit posts as inspiration for a dnd character? I love them so much, you have such a unique way of combining crazy patterns and fabrics into something that gives off a good vibe”

Yes, that would be fine! Thank you for asking, and I appreciate the compliments~ Hopefully I can get back to posting that sort of thing more often lol.. I’ve gotten WAY off my routine and haven’t done many outfits lately.. aaa

9. "hi Luca! i just wanted to say i really love all of your costumes and fashions and dress ups, its all so cool and pretty and interesting. i actually wanna dress up for fun for myself, and now that i know about the bins i think i'll try to convince my mom to take me to similar places for cheap clothing pieces, since my mom is worried about how much all this costume stuff costs. anyway, please keep posting your cool and beautiful stuff! "

Thank you so much! I wish you luck with your costumes! Yeah, I think there’s a common idea in a lot of fashion communities (like with makeup, costumes, etc.) that you have to always have high quality things to look nice, and even if sometimes you can do more with a little extra money, really you can make anything look good with what you have if you just combine it right. As I’ve always been quite low income, being into fashion and stuff has be discouraging at times, that I couldn’t afford certain materials or items, but you just have to find a niche where what you’re able to do works. For example, a lot of even ‘cheap’ lolita style clothings are too expensive for me (like $30 - $50 for a dress??? then the more pricey ones can be over $100???) lol.. BUT, then stuff like mori kei, cult party kei, fantasy costumes, etc. you can do with nearly any fabric you can find, and it’s still just as fun and creative. Most of the outfits I take pictures of probably cost me no more than $1 - $10 for every single item combined. Obviously it depends on location - I have better access now that I live near a place like the bins, which I understand there may not be similar resources in small towns or etc. But even with generic thrift stores (which may not be as cheap as the bins), you can still find pretty good alternatives to all the money it costs to buy things brand new. There’s still some stuff I legit just can’t do because I don’t have access to the materials, but for the most part I can manage everything I’d like with $3 eye-shadows and 15 cent tattered curtain fabrics lol. You can still do really cool stuff on a pretty nonexistent budget!

10. “do you have any tips on growing your hair long? is it expensive to up keep? i wanna grow mine out but it grows so slow!”

Well, I know nothing about hair and am not a hair stylist or etc. so I really don’t have any tips lol?? And I think hair maintenance depends a lot on the type of hair you have, not everyone’s is the same. I assume we must have similar hair (my natural hair is thick kind of coarse very dark brown/black hair, which is a bit wavy in some parts but mostly straight, but most of my hair currently (aside from the overgrown roots at the top) is altered because of damage from bleaching and etc., it’s more brittle. so that’s what I’ll be referencing) if you’re asking me this instead of someone else, but just know that whatever I say may not apply to you.

Anyway, I really don’t do anything to my hair to make it grow or etc., it’s just that I’ve gone a long time without cutting it lol. I used to cut it all the time or change styles, and now I’ve kind of just left it for 5 or 6 years or so. Because of my mental illness I have trouble maintaining personal care and etc., so I do sometimes go a week or more without washing it, even though I’m trying to work that into my schedule more (luckily I don’t have stinky head, I’ve heard some people’s scalp oils and stuff can smell weird if left for too long, I have the privilege of being able to like.. skip on hygiene a lot without it severely impacting my ability to do things or etc. since it’s usually not obvious if I haven’t bathed in a week or two).

My cat also EATS HUMAN HAIR for some reason, so I have to keep it up all the time, so that when I shed it doesn’t actually just fall loose onto the ground lol. Literally all I do to my hair is just keep it in two braids at all times and wash it with normal shampoo and conditioner occasionally, when I can. I really only think it’s gotten long because I’ve been leaving it alone and not messing with it, not really because of anything I’ve done (like I don’t use fancy products on it or etc.) And because of that, no, it’s not really expensive! It absolutely WOULD be if I were like..a normal functioning person and I regularly bleached it and dyed it and put products on it and styled it and used shampoo and conditioner every 1-3 days on it and etc. lol.. But I guess because I don’t do anything to it to maintain it, I’m not spending money on hairspray or dye or shampoo or etc. I used to bleach it a lot and straighten it and use hairspray and stuff on it, and it seems healthier (at least on the new top parts) now that I’m just ... ignoring it basically lol. But I don’t really know what to do to make it grow faster! I’m bad at self-care, and even if I do costumes and stuff, I really am not into beauty and hair and nails and makeup and stuff, so I’m probably the wrong person to ask hghjhb.. My upkeep routine is just... eat and sleep. wash face with water daily.. do extra stuff if you can manage to despite your functioning issues, etc. I’m definitely not a Beauty Advice person, I barely brush my hair even once a week lol

11. "Maybe you should reduce the number of races if it's too overwhelming? A world can still be immersive with only a few races in it."

(sidenote - Not to be nitpicky, but I make a specific point that the groups of fantasy creatures I create are species, not ‘’races’’, even though it is a commonly used term in fantasy worldbuilding, I think it’s inaccurate/weird )

I know I don’t have to make so many different groups, but, I guess I just really want it to be a broad setting. Part of the point in creating Nanyevimi (aside from worldbuilding just being extremely fun and a hobby greatly suited to someone with my personality traits lol) is to have an established world that I can do anything within, a framework already built where it'd be super easy to just drop a character anywhere on the map and already have an idea of what their culture, background, experiences, etc. would be based on pre-existing details about that portion of the world, etc. But I also want it to be broad, and varied, where every area kind of has it’s own dynamics going on there, so if you’re in a different place, you get a different kind of story. (like in an elven alliance city, you’d be better suited to tell an adventure story centering around complicated local politics, or city life, or etc.. whereas out in some isolated mountains in the south, it’d be more suited for a mystery story about stumbling across ancient ruins, or running into a mysterious traveler, etc.)

Which I guess doesn’t matter much, since I'm better at setting, world design, character design, planning, and details than I am at plot, so I probably won’t actually ever do anything with it (god forbid I tried to write a book or something with my utter inability to be concise/brief in any imaginable way). I can craft settings/characters/history/world-details all day endlessly, never losing inspiration or etc, but my weak point is actually telling stories within those settings and formulating a solid plan, organizing plot structures long term and etc.. Setting up everything for something to happen/creating a place where many interesting premises could occur is fine, but then actually thinking of how those things should OCCUR, or how the set up should play out, is where I get kind of lost. I guess the ideal at some point would be to have people working with me, helping when writing stories in my world/outlining games/etc, to add more cohesion/structure and reign in the unfocused stream of ideas, but that’s very unlikely since I don’t have any close friends that are good at organizing or plotting either, etc. BUT anyway, even if I can’t ever manage to do anything with it, the whole “having a setting I can use for anything I want if anything ever comes up, which is already established and thus makes it much easier to formulate ideas because all the background work is already done for myself” thing is at least a nice goal.. in concept...theoretically lol..

And, it’s not really too overwhelming, I think the overwhelming part is actually just formatting and producing those ideas in a consumable form. It’s not hard for me to keep track of 20 different groups and make backgrounds and every imaginable detail for them, but it IS hard to actually take all that information that exists in my head, type it out as a worldbuilding post, format and organize it, draw pictures to go with it, etc. If I could just post long stream of consciousness style 300,000 word long posts with no paragraph breaks, 4000 typos, barely any punctuation, etc., then I’d have A LOT more world-building info publicly available (since that’s what all the initial documents on my computer look like lol), but that’s just so inaccessible it’d be pointless to have public in the first place. The hard part isn’t really coming up with or managing the information, it’s just... organizing it all, and finding a way to share it.

12. "oh PLEASE tell me what boing peach beverage the elf looks like"

a quick sketch of them.. mysterious peach (and other produce) salesman

13. "fun question: what are ur fashion pet-peeves?"

Well, basically none because I hate when people are rigid over Fashion Rules or etc. Like, people who take pictures of others in public because they “look weird” , or who constantly trash on what people are allowed to wear, what patterns can be mixed with others, etc. etc. I get that some stuff can look kind of bad sometimes, and it’s not that I think nobody is allowed to criticize fashion trends or etc. (especially if they’re legitimately problematic, like of course someone wearing a homophobic t-shirt or doing blackface should be criticized), but I mean just like... that sort of trivial bitter criticism that doesn’t do anything but make people feel bad about the way they look or make them afraid to dress in ways they feel comfortable. Like taking a picture of someone and posting it online to make fun of them because they wore socks with sandals, or bullying 14 year olds who just started doing makeup and haven’t totally gotten their look sorted out yet, etc. etc. (ESPECIALLY since this can often intersect with classism, racism, etc. if you really examine what people mock as 'ugly' or 'unacceptable' styles, it's often stuff like men wearing dresses/makeup, women not shaving, clothing associated with poverty (like wearing “”cheap”” clothes), physical traits commonly associated with poc, making fun of people who look a certain way likely due to mental illness (like fidgeting, dirty mismatched clothing, carrying stuffed animals or comfort items in public etc.), etc. etc.

I find costumes and makeup and outfits to be a very cool and fun way to express myself. So when people are complete freaks about it and set out to just relentlessly make others feel bad for no good reason, it’s like... obnoxious... How can you take something with so much potential and limit it and close others off and turn it into this rigid hateful thing, when it should be something that everyone is able to be passionate about and appreciate?? Outside appearance isn't everything, but it's a tool of expression for so many people and can relate to who they are as a person, people should never feel uncomfortable to be who they are or look how they look just because some dumbass rich person writing for a style magazine has the gall to declare some random thing to be 'Unfashionable' despite not having a genuinely creative bone in their body, or some bigot thinks that certain things are ‘ugly’ or ‘unprofessional’ due to their own mental associations, etc.

But anyway, I guess if I had to choose a few things that I just think look kind of odd to me personally/are generally off-putting...

--- the overdrawing lips thing when you can see the persons actual lip-line and it almost looks like they have two mouths or something? (if not done intentionally for costume makeup). It can look a little strange to me sometimes, like an optical illusion where you see multiple mouth lines at once?? idk like this?

--- freckles that are just round circles and really heavy and don’t look realistic (though again, I also realize this could just be the person’s first time drawing them on or something and I’m not mocking for lack of skill, etc. I just mean that it’s a little strange to look at, not actually BAD though) (and it can also be intentional, like for a cartoony costume look) ---- People adopting cutesy/childlike fashion and clothing and sexualizing it or using it as part of their sex/kink stuff.. I just feel like anything associated with children should not be sexualized..? If the first thing someone thinks when seeing children's school uniforms or frilly little girl’s doll dresses or whatever is that it could be a Hot Thing then hhh... like why is your brain making those connections lol.. People can dress how they want for whatever reasons they want, but that’s always personally creeped me out a little. Similar to our culture’s obsession with looking young being ‘hot’ (like a grown man wanting someone who’s a legal adult but still “looks 16″ or etc.), where it’s like.. okay, I guess yeah outwardly you can make that choice, and maybe aren’t directly causing harm, but.. the underlying tones of it and etc. still make it very unsettling to witness lol... ---- anything appropriated obviously, as well as fetishization or bastardization of cultures, like t-shirts with Japanese writing on them Just For Aesthetic, or taking certain culturally or religiously significant symbols or etc. and adopting them as ‘just a silly fashion’ thing when you’re actually being disrespectful, etc. ---- those shorts or whatever that go up extremely high on the hipbones always look a little weird to me lol, like they give a person funny proportions,

(you may have to right click open image in new window and zoom to see the text, but it’s like.. the blank space makes it look kind of weird to me? Like there’s too much where there’s just nothing going on? idk. That’s just my personal preference though, obviously I tend to lean towards busy designs lol)

That’s all I can think of though, like I said, I’m really not picky or judgy about fashion since I think people should be able to do whatever they want for the most part. I’m not like a “omg stripes should NEVER be worn with plaid!!” type person or something lol.

14. "Hey Luca! I love when you post about your world. Do you have a favorite species you've made up so far? Also, I hope you're holding up well during the crisis!"

AAaa thanks! I’m okay mostly. It’s distressing since because of my particular mental illness I already have constant paranoia and obsessions about health, so of course hearing about so much illness can be really triggering constantly and I’m preoccupied in never-ending anxiety spirals about mortality and etc. etc. etc. , but situationally, I’m just very thankful that nobody in my household has gotten sick yet and I desperately wish that will continue to be the case. *** *** ***

(ignore the *** *** *** , this is a text version of a physical compulsion (a hand movement) that I have to do when I mention certain topics lol.. the little man in my brain that controls my obsessive compulsive disorder says I must do certain things after saying or thinking certain things,, You Know How It Is )

And I really love worldbuilding questions, so thank you so much!!!!! Hghgh maybe it seems weird to favor any over the others, but of course I really like the Avirre'thel. Conceptually, I think their origin story and connection to ancient elves and their abilities and etc. put them in a really unique position in the broader world (some of the only truly immortal people to exist, the only people who can still decipher ancient elven texts in a way that makes sense, etc. etc.). Since Nanyevimi (my world) is really just a setting being built so that in the future I can set things within it (games, short stories, etc.), I think I'm drawn to the aspects of it that have the most potential to make interesting characters, and there are definitely a lot of pre-established dynamics with the Avirre'thel/in Navyete (their home country) as a whole that would make it an good place to set certain things, or a good group for a main character to be from, etc.

I do really like the Jhevona as a species overall too, even if I haven't developed them as much, they also kind of stand out as having some fairly unique features that put them in an interesting position in the world (being one of the most magically capable groups that exists but that also having downsides (health issues and infertility from magic exposure, etc.), how the necessity to keep control over their magic influences their culture, being some of the only natural shape-shifters, etc.). Within that, I REALLY love the Thastanri (a subspecies of Jhevona), like their connection to dreams, the Imkasyn, being one of the last few peoples in contact with real dragons, etc. etc. There are a lot of complex things going on in their area, so there’d be a lot of potential to tell a variety of stories or have interesting characters from that group.

AND, though it's supposed to be Unknown in the world so I won't talk about it just in case I ever write a book one day or something and need to preserve at least a FEW mysteries that I don't just outright explain in worldbuilding posts, Jhevona do have the most interesting origins of any species in my opinion. There are some things from before the timeline break sort of thing (where all recorded history was seemingly wiped and everyone had a big memory loss about 50,000 yrs ago) that people aren't aware of anymore... but Jhevona used to have a cool backstory and quite interesting function in society prior to that. There are some remnants in the genetics of the species and how their magic works (at least for certain groups) that kind of hint at how ancient Jhevona used to look and what they used to do, even though in the modern day things are very different.

15. "Top 10 songs you've been listening to lately?"

I don’t have a top 10 since I listen to everything for different reasons, and don’t have as deep a relationship with music the way some people do (like I don’t really have a favorite band or group I have a connection with that’s “gotten me through hard times”, or music I cry to/any songs that are specifically personally emotionally meaningful to me, etc., etc.), but here’s a quick playlist of a few favorite-ish things I’ve had in my head a lot recently -

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPmQ4SZdFFHNkgKo7nAiEMgVvLcycX5Qc

the last song on the list specifically I’ve been replaying a lot for some reason, I guess since it’s good background music as there’s no words. Particularly the part that starts around like 38 seconds in, something about that melody reminds me of something distant, in a dreamlike way. The past few days I mostly alternate between that song, Outstanding, and And The Beat Goes On lol

16. " Do you ever sell sculptures? I really like that little fawn!"

Yeah, I hope to eventually! Like I mentioned in question number three, if I can set up some sort of way to do auctions or etc, then maybe I can sell that one!

17 & 18 : '"aaa yay!! i missed your outfits!!!" / "can I just say love ur outfits! They're so cool and inspire me to draw my ocs with new outfits > o < and I love your cat too, please give him a big ol pat!"

Thank you!!!! more compliments posted just to show I appreciate them lol, even if I don’t publicly respond to every one~ And, the Boyes appreciate the pats.. here is them.. big babbeys...

#it bothers me still that I didn't take all the screenshots the same way and there's different colors of nu #mbers and etc. lol.... but some of those are from 4 months ago or more and I had already deleted the original ask #from my inbox so I can't go rescreencap it to match the others..#this is the issue inherent in taking so long to answer things that I just respond in large batches lol #replies #okay also I know it's been months but... one of you has to like this post or at least show you read/interacted with my #response somehow because I cannot spend like 4-5 hours typing stuff for others if nobody will read it ghghg #( i know i make it take longer by being rambly and etc. but.. still...)#I'm sorry they sat in my inbox a long time and etc. but... also..... my pwecious time and effort #i hope at least one of the people I'm responding to sees that i did indeed reply to them lol

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zoeytheweeb · 5 years ago

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UPDATE: Please read (don’t worry it’s nothing bad I promise)

Okay I know I haven’t really posted anything, and yes I have been lurking on Tumblr for the last few weeks (maybe a month now? idk) but that was mostly to read salt fics and look at memes. Anyways, on to the important stuff. And by important, I mean this is just an update on what I’ve been doing and why there hasn’t been any new chapters which I’m so so so sorry for not uploading anything. BEWARE, this is a pretty long post (at least for me, it’s probably fine for everyone else lol)

First off, THANK YOU SO MUCH like holy shit I just noticed I had 200 followers and like oh my god that’s literally the most amount of followers I have ever gotten so tytytyty!

Secondly, I haven’t abandoned #notmychatnoir, more like I’ve been struggling to write chapter 4 the way I want to write it because suddenly everything I wrote in it so far has made me unhappy and I also realized that while I mentioned it, I never really showed the citizens and press (other than the miracuclass of course) being salty of Chat Noir themselves so I’ve been rearranging things and removing a few other things to save for either chapter 5 or 6. The only problem is I also want to make chapter 4 longer, even if only slightly, than the other chapters simply as an apology for taking so long to get it out.

I’ve also been debating with myself over the outline I came up with for the story, which is why I’m asking everyone now: What would you like to see in #notmychatnoir? I still plan on having Felinette fluff, and I will not be doing an Adrien redemption in this fic seeing as the whole point of this was to be super salty towards him, but if anyone has any ideas of what they wanna see then I promise that I will at least consider it. I make no promises of your ideas being added, but they will definitely be helpful.

As for K12, I had a complete outline of what I wanna do for each story, but I’ve been thinking about changing some of the stories before writing them. Most of the chapters I’ve already planned out for each song will still happen the way I want them to happen, but that’ll depend on what my hands decide to type lol. Also, I must remind everyone that most of the chapters are unconnected one-shots, with only a few of them being connected into their own stories. However, depending on how each one-shot ends, I might make a follow-up or aftermath of what happens. Keyword being might though, there’s no guarantee that I’ll actually do it if I can’t find the inspiration or if nobody has any specific requests for said aftermaths.

I would also like to know if anyone has any requests for K12. Specifically, any scenarios they would like to see play out? They have to fit with the song though (Class Fight, Detention, any K12 song I haven’t written and posted yet, which is literally everything but Wheels on the Bus as of right now lol). I also want to know if there are any pairings you would like to see, or any specific character being there for Marinette during whichever scenario either you, the readers or I, the writer, decide on. For example, the friend that gave me the idea for K12 in the first place wanted the Highschool Sweethearts chapter to have Marichat, IIRC.

You can reply in the comments or reblogs but it will be a lot easier for me, now that my notifications tend to blow up every now and then, if you simply sent an ask or a DM/PM regarding any requests you may have for #notmychatnoir, K12, or even if you want me to write a one-shot or drabble based on any scenario you may have in mind. For that last one though, I can’t promise I’ll be able to do all of your requests, much less perfectly and on time (because I’m still a teenager dealing with high school and family and procrastination in general), but I do promise that I will at least try.

Lastly, I don’t know if I mentioned it (I feel like I did) but if I didn’t then I planned on writing a somewhat salty, and bittersweet, one-shot based on Melanie Martinez’s song Pity Party. It’s gonna be Lukanette, and it was supposed to be out on my birthday but I didn’t finish in time nor did I finish in time for the other deadline I gave myself. However, I still planned on releasing that particular one-shot this year so I have been working on that for the last few weeks and I’d like to think it’s almost done. I’m not going to say you should get your hopes up, but, I do plan on finishing it before New Year’s eve. I will try to finish it tonight, in time for Christmas eve or Christmas itself, but I’ve learned that I shouldn’t try to give myself any specific deadlines so I make no promises but at least I’m trying to finish it. So, look forward to that! Or don’t, if Lukanette’s not your cup of tea, then that’s fine.

That was all for my fanfic-related updates. If you would like to read my short life update, then keep reading. If you don’t then that’s all for this post.

Life update: I’ve been officially on winter break since last Thursday (the 19th), and boy is the small freedom amazing lmao. This semester wasn’t exactly my best (specifically my geometry grades and just procrastination in general) but I at least managed to get an A in French and passed all of my final exams except for my Geometry final (although that didn’t surprise me because I was lucky enough to even get a D in that class as my overall grade for the semester).

So now that I don’t have to worry about school until the break is over, which won’t be until January 9th I think, either that or the 8th, I have slightly more free time on my hands that I’ve been spending just catching up on anime, sleep, and fanfics that I’ve been reading (and writing, of course). I’ve also spent most of my money on Persona 5 and Blazblue: Cross Tag Battle so I’ve been spending time playing both of those games as well. Spoiler alert: both of those games are amazing and I’m totally gonna buy that Neopolitan DLC eventually because she’s amazing and her Astral Finish is badass.

Also, even though I’ve been told that I shouldn’t try to grow up so fast, I’ve been thinking about getting a part-time job (because I can’t rely on monthly allowance and asking my mom for a loan forever, especially if I can’t even pay back that loan in time) and I also wanna learn how to drive so I’ve just been preparing myself for both important (to me at least) things.

Lastly (for real this time lol), one of my cousins is coming down to my city for a few days this week to celebrate his birthday which is great but also a perfect opportunity for me to spend more time with him and his brother because I feel like we’ve been growing apart and the fact that both of them are no longer single despite being the same age as me (heck, I’m the “middle child” out of the 3 of us lol) makes me feel really left out which is a big oof. So I’m looking forward to spending these next few days with them as well as finishing that one-shot I mentioned.

So yeah, life is gonna be somewhat hectic for me next year as I try to take baby steps into having a responsible life and be independent but overall it’s pretty good.

If you actually got this far into the post then thanks for reading about my life I guess lol.

#just a small update #i swear i'm not dead

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bignookling · 5 years ago

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100 days to acnh challenge - 1 to 74

found this challenge and decided it would be a great way to pass the time until the release date, and a good way to get people to know me a lil better too c’: i feel so powerful starting at this point, there are so few days left to wait!

1. Do you prefer making up a new name for your villager, or using your own name? i never, ever used my own name... i always felt like this would be boring, and i kinda want to give myself the opportunity to create a new “character” based on the events that happen to them in the game... (my first character in wild world was named Scarlet :^)) 2. Do you use the first map you’re given, or do you reset for layouts? i am bige resetter with bige plans all jokes aside i am way too indecisive and spent way too much time on this, i would even check people’s dream towns prior to resetting to gather ideas and fresh input on this. though usually, each time i remade my town i had a specific kind of map in mind? most of all, i like having a secluded nice little corner to put my house (being able to move your house in nh is a game changer honestly!) grass type and colors of buildings also matter. residents not so much because, hey, i can also reset for that later! (i am terrible) 3. Do you use the face you’re given, or do you wait for guides and choose your favourite? similarly, i use a guide. i think the only times i didn’t was my first times in wild world where i didn’t really have access to a fast internet connection :’^) (guess what i am also indecisive about this! my most used are the classic arched villager eyes, the almond shaped ones and the shiny anime ones THEY ARE TOO CUTE) 4. Favourite town/island name?/Have you a name picked out for your town/island? I WON’T SAY YET... i have multiple options for now and idk what to do... but my nl town is named Suzuran, and i really like this name :] 5. Will you be sharing with friends/family, or is your island going to be all your own? probably gonna be my own! my mother used to have a character in my wild world town though :) 6. What’s a new feature you’re excited about? ALL but mostly the terraforming/switching everything up options!! for...reasons mentioned above... also the weeds. i never really got to dupe clovers or stuff like that so i am very pumped 7. Favourite fruit? buttfruit peaches probably... i also love perfect oranges and perfect pears because they’re like golden... i like gold like perfect fruits in general hehe i also love the new fruits in new leaf! 8. Least favourite fruit? apples are a bit tacky to me but i still love them i am sad i cannot really make a lot of fruit trees work in my minimally colored nl towns... some people do it so well though and i am TRYING 9. Favourite area? (Beach, campground, shopping district etc, from any entry in the series.) THIS IS HARD I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF MEMORIES i have fond memories of the beach in wild world just because of some people’s really pretty hacked towns. like they added a whole “manor” (big player house) in front of it and that was the bomb. i also loved the cliffs in city folk and am so glad they are back... 10. Where do you like to like to put your house? Do you like that level of customization, or do you prefer to have some things decided, like in older entries? as i said i like secluded, remote areas for the house, and i also loved to put it near the cliff in city folk! (you better be fully awake if you step out) the beach is a neat option too. but in nl my favorite was next to a waterfall! 11. Favourite grass pattern? triangles! when i was a kid it was my least fav and i always avoided it though... then i visited a friend’s cf town and was like “wait this is MORE LIKE REAL GRASS” and i had an awakening... 12. Least favourite grass pattern? circles are a bit... odd for grass i think 13. Favourite villager/s? purrl was my absolute queen when i played wild world and still is. i love cats in general... and deer. and coco. coco is so my aesthetic and goals for a town feeling if you know what i mean, i adore her. doyoing 14. Least favourite villager/s? i am basic and like cute things so the least cute and mostly most tacky, bright colored ones... i am sorry...i still care about all your villagers 15. Did you like doing Tom Nook’s chores, or did you find those to be a pain? generally speaking i like them when i first play the game because they are immersive and kinda introduce you to the main concepts of the game? (the city in city folk, being mayor in nl etc) but with side characters and resetting they get a bit repetitive and frustrating upping your reputation to be able to work as a mayor in nl also is a pain 16. Favourite NPC/s? label is my queen and wife. i love her sisters too, and tom nook... BLANCA too i adored her when i played wild world and couldn’t get to see her in my town and was so hyped for her nl event laughs, and joan and daisy mae... i’m probably forgetting some faves I LOVE EVERYONE wait KAPPN has cute dialogue too! 17. Least favourite NPC/s? is there one? i don’t know? i’m gonna go check a list of npcs now ... i am back and honestly I DON’T KNOW 18. Do you use paths? Are you excited about the new path tool? i don’t use paths in my town because they are a mess to set up and i love the natural look anyway, but some people do it so well! i love the ones with natural colors and the little details. the new path tool looks so convenient, but i don’t know if i like the textures! i’ll probably use it sparsely because i also wanna keep that wild look to my town 19. Favourite feature from an older entry? the lights on the villagers’ houses in wild world is what came to mind first, hahah 20. What was your first Animal Crossing game? WILD WORLD!! i played it so much and for so long 21. Favourite activity (fishing, bug catching, fossil hunting, other)? bug catching (ca-ching) is my fave out of this list, i also love visiting dream towns and playing with friends in general! 22. Least favourite activity? diving is so slow... 23. Favourite bug? the huge butterflies you see in summer (i was AMAZED when i first saw them), the fireflies (SAME, the first time i saw some was in someone else’s town in city folk as we crossed a bridge and it was just magical, laughs), and the big shiny beetles... it’s not just for the monies, i promise 24. Least favourite bug? either the small butterflies that you see everywhere when you’re trying to catch something neat for the bug-off, or the tarentulas/scorpios because i NEVER MANAGED TO CATCH THEM 25. A quarter of the way there! How’s the wait? actually there’s barely a month remaining as we speak, so pretty fine! i still have to pick my character and town names, and to be honest i am mostly worried i’ll start procrastinating like crazy once the game is out. coughs. at least i’ll draw ac characters? 26. Favourite fish? i love coelacanths because i am a big nerd, also the sharks and the cute colorful fishes 27. Least favourite fish? just all the most common ones probably? sea bass isn’t the only one... 28. Favourite fossil? what are these questions. uh, i loved putting the small squares ones in my room in wild world...especially ammonites 29. Least favourite fossil? the ones that bring less cash money? i only care about fossils when they’re displayed in the museum tbh. and there i just love them all 30. Favourite furniture series? the ranch series looked way better in wild world and i am mourning now i love alpine, rococo and modern wood the most! the green one looks cool recolored too! i like combining different series the most, too 31. Least favourite furniture series? anything bright and tacky (except maybe the lovely that’s still fairly cute?) 32. Favourite soundtrack? (Gamecube, DS/Wii, etc) i can’t remember but i get huge pangs of nostalgia if i listen to the wild world/city folk one 33. Least favourite soundtrack? i DON’T KNOW... maybe nl was a bit less whismical? 34. Favourite wallpaper? alpine, chic, exquisite, classic, [...] anything that looks warm and natural and makes for a comfortable house! 35. Do you have a nice memory of the games/community etc you’d like to share? when i was a young teen, i idolized someone in the wild world community because her town was honestly incredibly pretty? so much thought has been put into it and it was just a dream. it made me want to invest more time and planning into my own towns and that’s how i got really, really hooked on the game, i think 36. Least favourite wallpaper? anything really colorful and tacky again... 37. Favourite carpet? the wood ones, mostly! 39. Favourite furniture item? i love the oven thing from pocket camp... and the rocking chair... and the fireplace... 40. Will you be buying a Switch for Animal Crossing, or do you already have one? i have preordered the animal crossing one... i live for this (i am so glad i waited though honestly) 41. Least favourite furniture item? the huge tacky things or things that just look odd in a house perhaps... wait but i still like to see them and some people use them so well. why would i hate on furniture i wonder 42. Favourite flower? jacob’s ladders and white flowers in general. i adore the look of the ones in nh, holy sh- 43. Least favourite flower? pretty much anything that’s yellow. just never goes with my town plans... the roses especially are so bright i’m 44. Favourite hybrid? i miss the colors of the ones in ww/cf so much... so so much but in general i like anything that’s purple, black or blue i think :> 45. Least favourite hybrid? hmmmm the orange ones from new leaf i think? in the previous games they were so rich and warm though... 46. Favourite shirt? the canary shirt, maybe? though i mostly use qr codes, ahaha some of these outfits are still super cute... 47. Favourite dress? anything pocket camp tends to be good, also this one forever in my heart. i adore the flowery sleeveless dresses too! 48. Favourite accessory? bandages, heart shades, leaf, and tortoise specs! 49. Favourite hat/helmet? celeste’s ribbon, hibiscus hairpin, and that tiny straw hat 51. Favourite shop? i always adored able sisters, and leif’s little gardening shack :> 52. Do you collect amiibo cards/figures? Would you like to see them used in the new game? we know they are compatible now, but i don’t have any! maybe i should buy some? 53. Fishing Tourney or Bug-Off? bug-off is quicker and funnier >:] also i remember i ALWAYS WON in cf while playing with friends... fight me... 54. Do you like making your own clothing patterns? there are so many nice ones already that my slots are always full, so i don’t bother... i remember making a two-toned shirt that i wanted irl when i got new leaf, but that’s pretty much all 55. Did you streetpass with many other ACNL players, or is it a feature you didn’t get much use of? I ALMOST NEVER DID...

56. Favourite villager species? CATS... also, deer. basic basic 57. Least favourite villager species? mice and monkeys have the least cute designs i think...? also hamsters idk. i don’t know i like villagers don’t make me choose 58. Favourite nickname from a villager? 59. Least favourite nickname from a villager? I NEVER LET THEM NICKNAME ME... i am sorry to all the aminals 60. Do you try to collect everything in the game, or just try to get your favourite bits and pieces? in wild world i tried to fill my catalog, but now i only get what i need or what i know my friends might need 61. Favourite villager personality? i always had a thing for the snooty and cranky ones! the uchis are cool now too 62. Least favourite villager personality? the jocks are boring to me and they tend to have my least fav designs. when i like one i keep them though because it is so rare...wheeps 63. Do you “plot reset” for villager house placement, or do you let them move in wherever they want? i only really started doing that with the welcome amiibo update that apparently makes it easier, else i just waited for the annoying ones to move... (and time travelled a lot) 64. Are you excited to wear any of the new accessories (like the bags etc shown in the E3 trailer)? i will COLLECT THOSE and COLOR COORDINATE 65. What season are you most looking forward to seeing in New Horizons? 66. What’s your favourite season? i think summer, i want to hear the cicadas and see the fireflies again, and i also want to see how the rain and wind look like! i remember seeing really pretty storms in nl during summer too ♥ 67. Least favourite season? winter gets slow after a while? i still love it though 68. Which game’s events/holidays do you like the most? 69. Which game’s events/holidays do you like least? i don’t remember ‘-’ honestly i feel like i liked them all for different reasons? wild world felt more “involved” in the community, REMEMBER THE GARDENING CONTESTS! and city folk gave you better rewards and was a fun minigame for the day. 70. Do you have another nice AC related memory you’d like to share (in-game, of the community, etc)? i had a vivid dream that your character could DIE in animal crossing once (i predicted new horizons yes) 71. Do you prefer the “live” versions of K.K. Slider’s Songs, or the airchecks? i tend to prefer the airchecks but the concerts are Special, no matter if it’s with friends or alone 72. An NPC you’d like to see more of? mmmnnh blanca always. i love her spirit 73. An NPC you’d like to see less of? really unpopular opinion probably but i wouldn’t miss reese and cyrus too much if they aren’t as present in nh 74. If you could have any piece of AC merchandise, which would it be? the plushies are so good... i’d like like... a fauna one... idk WHEW I’M DONE... i’ll be posting the rest of it daily now!

#100 days to nh #.txt

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thehappymessproject · 6 years ago

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100/100 - 5 steps to make the most out of our life

I started this essay months ago... Writing about it made me frustrated and sad : by taking stock of my thoughts ont the topic, it was all too clear that I had lost my way on several of them. It was the perfect time to write about it for many reasons, but also the worst for many different reasons.

So I followed my own principles, and let it sit, while exploring them one by one, reclaiming them. Real deep growth means getting back to beginner’s state over and over. Overdoing it is part of the process too. So are feeling lost, afraid, doubting ourselves and the process while trying to trust it. All of it and more. Change (and life itself) is a big mess.

Here are some signs that you may not use your time in a way that is satisfying to you (one is enough, especially if intense and persistant) :

Sleep issues (including fine quality of sleep but constant fatigue)

Reduced functional time : someone fine can function for 10 hours on average before being really tired. Anxiety or depression and other disorders can reduce this to 1 hour in severe cases.

Frequent/permanent bursts of sadness or fear (especially if ‘unexplained’).

Feeling like time tends to fly by ‘too quickly’, even if it can seem way too slow as well sometimes.

Feeling like it’s impossible to do what really matters to you because you don’t have enough time or energy.

I was checking 3 out of those boxes, and in an intense way until a few weeks back. I realised that I had slipped into this territory again, the one of being caught in so many vicious cycles that it feels like it may never stop and I may never have time to do what’s important to me. So I went back to basics and made sure I would embody these words, not just aspire to them.

Here are the steps I am following to reset and ease back slowly the way I spend my daily time.

Pausing and listening

Stillness and reflection are absolutely key in this process.

Without them in our life, everything feels way too blurry to take on real deep change, or even to understand what we are experiencing. And trying to change the way we use our time is definitely real deep change.

To learn how to pause, we need to start from what we consider as a pause. Meditation is one of the surest, fastest and strongest way to learn stillness and to connect to ourselves. But many people have even difficulty to stay a few moments doing nothing in silence. For them, meditation is simply too hard right now.

This specific difficulty is in itself a symptom of deep underlying emotional struggle. It shows us also how much we struggle to accept ourselves the way we are. But be sure of one thing : we can all find our way back to stillness and delight in our own company, which is our deep natural state... As long as we start from where we are at.

When stillness isn’t available to us yet as a safe practice, we can already benefit from simply slowing down. Doing activities that make us feel almost still, or at least calmer helps greatly.

Taking breaks without getting our phones out. Taking a deep breath from the belly and slowly letting it out through the mouth. Practicing staying silent with people, just enjoying each other’s company or even just being bored together. Walking and letting our thoughts wonder. Listening to music while daydreaming. Stopping for a few instants once in a while during our commute to simply observe the world going on without us… There are many ways to progress back towards that childlike and very wise ability of staying in the moment.

(check this essay for more ideas on how to train your mindful muscles)

Daring

To live the most out of our life, we will need to change regularly, either to adapt to the environment we choose, adapt to life itself or simply to follow out deeply human need to evolve. Change is the only real constant we’ll ever face.

That change (especially when it’s deep) will always requires that we get out of our comfort zone, which will always have that scary vibe that accompanies vulnerability. When we change, we take risks, and real risks are scary : we need courage to take them on.

We will need to find out what we really want, which can be scary enough as it is. We will need to explore what it is by doing all sorts of new unsettling things. We will need to learn how to listen to ourselves more and better. We will need to fail miserably every so often (the bigger the goal, the more frequent the failure involved). We will need to face how little we know about ourselves and how paradoxical we really are. We will need to embrace the awkward messes that we are. How much we suck, we are wrong, imperfect, incompetent, uncomfortable, scared, intimidated, self-limiting we can be…

Change is a journey that can be as great, liberating and empowering as it is humbling, unsettling and subtile. One big happy mess when it’s taken on fulll speed.

More on the courage to change and be who we really are in this essay.

A little bit of everything

If I had to choose just one word to characterise deep change, it would be balance. No life lived in any kind of extreme is sustainable or even really appreciated on the long term, most of us know that deep down...

But humans are also really bad at finding balance, even more in our fast paced world. Instead, we tend to have some sort(s) of cycles, going round and round between being too self-indulgent and too harsh on ourselves.

We often call them “being reasonable” and “letting ourselves live”, but rarely truly do any of both in the end. There is something very disheartening in living stuck in those cycles.

Life stuck in cycles doesn’t feel at all like we can have an impact on our destiny, like what we do actually matter in the grand scheme of things. We feel stuck and discouraged. Often bitter too.

That is why there is something so liberating in finding ways to balance everything that is important to us. Even if it will never be achieved as a goal : even if we do find some sort of balance, life changes, circumstances change, WE change no matter what we do. So balance has to be found over and over, the way our courage or what we think we know about ourselves does.

I’ve met so many people betting their life on something big in their future, ready to sacrifice things they know are important (like time with our loved ones, their passion, their sleep…) for things they think they really need first in order to be happy (generally money, status, diplomas…). I have yet to meet someone who really “won” that kind of bet.

What I’ve met a lot, are people who lost their dreams, their will to live or simply lost themselves in that game. They will need more, always. They will keep procrastinating what they deem as really important in their heart, until something breaks. Their bodies, their soul, their spirit… Or simply until they die.

How many cautionary tales and tragic anecdotes do we hear about those people who were waiting for their retirement or these other big things (money, status, power, diploma...) to ‘really live’ (be it travel, make art, spend quality time together…) until they actually got retired and couldn’t do any of it, because they were too sick, physically shattered, depressed to have lost all that was their daily life, or tragically lost their spouse? Or, they got the job, money and status they just don’t have more time, jut more responsibilities? Young adults who will have spent their lives between mental health issues and studying before tragically passing in an accident?

It might sound morbid, but like many people who have faced death in a very intimate way, I use my mortality as an incentive for being brave and go after what truly matters to me.

Don’t get me wrong though, there is nothing wrong about making sacrifices for our bigger goals. We will always have to sacrifice things to get what we deeply want.

I’m just saying, don’t forget to also live : paint on the week end, write that book on stolen minutes, learn/practice that craft 10mn of practice at the time, go on dates with people you love and create actual memories with them, take time to breathe and look around you, to connect with nature, to dance and listen to music, to read good books and taste great food...

Learn to know yourself and the world around you. Switch your phone off and use your senses to live your life. One meaningful moment at the time. LIVE!

You can have more of the life you really want, right now. Allow yourself to make a bit of it happen.

And if you already do that, and know deep down that you really love what you already have and wouldn’t change a thing, but still feel like life is passing by : make bigger bets.

Decide that you will save money for that thing you really want to do someday, NOW, give that thing a deadline. Take some risks. Evening classes. Online classes : thanks to the Internet, we can learn everything we want NOW. Look for things you might want to explore, start where you are, and bet on yourself.

Start making your dreams happen bit by bit. One step at the time, we will make the hard things happen. Don’t wait for the perfect time to do what matters. STEAL the time, it’s yours anyway. DARE!