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b-afterhours · 4 months ago

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Avenue of Sins: Neon

A Sequel to Avenue of Sins

SUMMARY: ‘90s. It’s the aftermath. Jaded, Bill and Alma navigate their new lives as they try to drag themselves out of the dark debacherous trenches they had once ensnared themselves in. It’s easy to forget their evils when a silver lining introduces itself into their lives but can they create a less hedonistic life that would be just as satisfying?

WARNINGS: adult content, mature readers only.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the last chapter (it's a long one), but an epilogue and a one-shot helping to fill some gaps should come shortly. Thank you all who have read this story, commented, and stuck to it over the years. Writing part two of this story has been so fun and a wonderful character study to do. Enjoy and again thank you all so much!

Chapter Twenty-five

September 1993

Ruth Anne’s Bar was a cement block-built establishment. The faded robin egg blue exterior paint was flaking and chipped. The standing marquee sign by the door advertised: Wet Your Whistle Wednesdays! 25¢ BEER.

Unfortunately, they had missed that by a few days. Only a few used cars were outside the gravel parking lot, which eased them. It was true they didn’t want to run into anyone they’d known from ages ago, but it was inevitable. Still, the less, the better. It was still early enough that the weekend crowd hadn’t started crowding the place.

There was a slight stench of light beer-induced vomit permeating under the scent of menthol cigarettes when they walked into the incredibly dim, sticky, smokey bar. When the door slammed shut behind them, the patrons inside sat and stared them down, and they stared back with the same scrutiny. Bill felt Alma squeeze his hand once everyone conceded by turning away and resuming conversations over the country music playing loudly on the jukebox speakers.

“I’ll find a seat for us,” Alma said, looking up at him. “I’ll be okay,” she said when he looked apprehensive about letting her go alone. He kissed her before she went on her own, just so that any eyes remaining on them could see who she belonged to. If it hadn’t already been made obvious.

He had only been to Ruth Anne’s twice, underage, with his old friend Scotty. Alma would visit occasionally when she came back from New York. Even her dad warned her about getting too drunk and joked that he didn’t want a call to be picked up before they left. Alma explained on the car ride that she was on a bender after her mom passed and that the last time she’d been, Antonio picked her up. That following morning, she woke up on the bathroom floor of her old home with scraped palms and skinned knees from tumbling on the gravel parking lot.

The patrons of Ruth Anne’s were mostly blue-collar, as were most of the people in town. Even if Bill and Alma stood out, someone knew someone—who knew someone—who knew they were local, so they were left alone.

When Bill approached the bar, the bartender wore a white halter top and straight red hair that covered her fully freckled back as she grabbed a bottle of Wild Turkey from the sparse liquor shelf. As he scanned it, there wasn’t much to choose from besides different tiers of whiskey. None you’d consider top shelf, though. Once the bartender fulfilled a burly, long-bearded man's order a few feet down the bar, she turned to Bill.

“Julia?” He was surprised to see his apathetic pre-teen neighbor, who was never impressed by his whole punk thing, was now a woman in her mid-twenties.

“Billy,” she smiled as she chewed on a wad of gum. “What do you want? Need to use the phone?”

“Just the same, I see.” He muttered under his breath. “Uhm, this is all you have?” He leaned on the bartop and pointed at the liquor shelf.

“Yup.” She punctuated with popping her gum.

“That’s shitty.”

“That’s what people drink, so that’s what we buy.”

“You don’t have tequila?” He asked, and Julia just shook her head impatiently. “Fine. I guess I’ll do two Jack and Cokes then.”

“Never heard of it.” She winked.

Bill peered over his shoulder and saw Alma putting quarters on the dart machine to secure a turn. His eyes followed her, and she sat down at a high-top table right against a wall, unbuttoning the first few buttons of her sleeveless top. She felt his eyes on her, and looked at him, giving him a little wave.

“Here you go, killer.” Julia grabbed his attention by placing the drinks down in front of him.

Bill’s eyes flashed dark when his gaze met hers for a moment. She didn’t even react to it in the slightest; she just continued to chew her gum, unimpressed. She was always so weird to him. He felt as if he were made of glass in her presence. She just saw right through him, but it seemed she had no idea she was doing so.

“Wanna start a tab?” She raised her thin, pencil-filled brows at him.

“Uh, sure...”

“Wanna tack the outstanding tab your brother ditched onto that?”

“Which one?”

“Alex.” She smirked.

“I don’t know who the fuck that is.” He scoffed, quickly grabbed the drinks in front of him, and walked off while she laughed.

“It’s Jack,” he warned, setting the drink in front of Alma before sitting across from her.

“Thanks. No tequila here.” She giggled, stirring her drink with the thin cocktail straw.

“No wonder you were calling your dad,” he lightly laughed, putting a coveted cigarette to his lips.

“Whatever,” she smirked, taking a sip of her drink. “One drink of whiskey is fine. Anyway, what were you and my dad talking about for so long?”

Bill took a deep drag on his cigarette. She had asked him just before arriving, but he accidentally missed his turn, which saved him, but it also didn’t provide enough time to think of a good lie.

“Mm. He was just asking about the whole record shop acquisition. It’s long and boring having to explain, but he was interested.” He shrugged, blowing smoke above him as he leaned back in his chair. “And I was telling him about the zoo.”

“The zoo,” Alma sighed, grabbing the cigarette pack on the table and fiddling with it, indecisive about having one. “That was fun for a little while, at least. You know—I know I was being a bitch about coming, but… it hasn’t been so bad.” She admitted. “It’s been nice to see our family, and everyone’s been so, kind.”

“I told you,” he said with a pointed look. “For me, it’s just nice knowing we aren’t coming back.”

“Aww, you’re too city now.” Alma playfully joked.

He raised his brows in amusement and was glad Alma’s general attitude had turned around. With that confession, he felt he had done his job well. He had created a good boundary around her and their daughter, in which they didn’t have to worry about anything but enjoy themselves. However, it was a job he hadn’t expected to come with so much emotional labor from him, but that he could face later in private if he could help it. Being in Strathburg was certainly draining him, but he was glad Alma deviated from their plans for him to enjoy a much-needed drink and a smoke.

After all, he had accomplished what he came to do. He had gotten Antonio’s blessing, and that deserved a little private celebration on his end. He laid his hand over the one she kept twisting the pack with, feeling her anxious energy, and passed his lit cigarette over for her to take a drag from.

“Mm,” her gaze fell, blowing smoke. “Do you think my dad will actually come to Seattle? He never said yes or no.”

Bill took the cigarette she passed back and put it to his lips for a deep puff before stamping it out in a teal plastic ashtray on the table. He wasn’t sure what to tell her. She had told him how Connie revealed that she and Alma’s father had visited her family in San Antonio during dinner. Alma was upset on the car ride, telling him about it, especially knowing they had gone three times now.

“Uh,” he sighed, scratching his brow with his pinky. “I don’t know, love. But he knows the door is open.”

“Yeah.” She looked a bit sad, but then sat up, picking up her drink, and they tapped glasses.

As they played darts, the bar began slowly filling up. They shared a look and decided that after their game they should leave. From behind, Bill pulled her body flush against him to steady and guide her aim, but to no avail. Being against him was the only fun Alma was having because she was losing. She couldn’t use the excuse that she couldn’t see well, since she wore contacts now. It was rare that she ever won games when competing against him. As Bill's score quickly hit below fifty, Alma gave up since her score was still in the hundreds.

They were putting the darts up for the next players and ultimately decided to have one last beer before leaving, as they still had a little time.

“How come you never speak Spanish to me?” He asked, pulling her chair out for her to sit down, and he decided to lean on the tall table facing her.

She lightly laughed. “Are you going to speak it back?”

“Si,” he smirked. “I know, un poquito.” He said, pinching his thumb and pointer finger close.

“Un poquito? Por que tienes un chiquito pito?” She laughed loudly and took a sip of her beer.

“Ah, okay,” Bill began to laugh as well. “I don’t know much, but I know what that means. And that’s not what you tell me in bed.” He said as his hand slid up her thigh. “Es muy grande. You even scream it.”

“Alma!?” A female voice exclaimed, disrupting their laughter.

“Fuck,” she muttered under her breath, looking past him now and begrudgingly setting her beer glass down on the table. “Tarilynn!”

“Oh my god! It’s been a while since I’ve seen you!” She said, approaching with her arms out for an embrace. She was wearing short cutoffs and a camo tank top. “What are you doing here?!”

“Oh, you know, visiting family...”

“Of course. What else, right? And,” she turned her head and gave Bill a disingenuous smile. “Bill… wow!”

“Hello.” He tightly pursed his lips and gave her a nod.

“You look,” she looked between the couple. “Well, you both look great! You, especially Alma!”

Alma complimented her back. Bill didn’t agree with Alma’s flattery, but he just minded his business by taking a drink of his beer. Time had not been kind to her. Before they both even knew it, Alma was getting dragged into a dart game with her, despite several protests, until she begrudgingly gave in to get her to shut up. Tara had always been very pushy since grade school. The first time Alma ever kissed a boy was because of Tara’s incessant peer pressure in the form of a dare at the 8th grade formal. She remembered it being an oddly humid kiss.

Bill looked at his watch and informed Alma of the time when she asked. She looked up at him apologetically, but he wasn’t upset with her—just Tara, who insisted that he buy her a beer.

“For us, girls.” She smirked at him, with her fading fuchsia-covered lips. However, she was just subtly strong-arming her way into getting a free drink from him.

While Bill ordered, Julia shook her head at him, noticing what had happened. “She’s going to expect you to keep buying her drinks if you don’t cut her off after this.” She warned.

“Felt like she does that a lot.”

“She’ll find someone else right after you with no problem.” She said, which made Bill chuckle.

People were filing in through the door behind him as he waited for the drinks, and suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, which made his body stiffen and his jaw tense. In his peripheral vision, he could make out the stature of a man similar to his own.

“I can’t believe this shit!” The man hollered excitedly behind him.

Bill turned his head, and his stern look fell when he saw his old friend Scotty. They embraced each other happily, both surprised that their paths had crossed again. Their connection and correspondence had been lost over the years. The last he ever heard from Scotty was that he was living in St. Louis with a girlfriend.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Bill said, still shocked to be in the presence of his old friend.

Scotty looked cleaned up, but he still had a cool flair about him. He had nicely kept wavy chocolate hair just above shoulder-length, tucked behind his pierced ears. There was a hoop through his nostril now too. He was wearing a tee shirt with the Joe Camel cigarette mascot on a motorbike, which he cut the hem off. So it sat right at the waist of his jeans, revealing skin only if he moved ever so.

“I could ask you the same, dude! Look at you! You look legit in this polo, man!” He playfully dusted off Bill’s shoulder. “I knew I’d bump into someone here, but I didn’t expect to see you!”

“Eh, yeah… Visiting family, whatever,” he muttered dismissively. “Just decided to drop in with Alma since we’re in town.”

Scotty grinned. “Same here! She lives with you in New York, right? You finally locked that down, or what?”

“Eh, well, basically.”

Scotty rolled his eyes and excused himself to quickly buy a drink, and they both walked back to the table and stood beside it rather than sit down. When Tara took her glass out of Bill’s hand without so much as a thank you, Alma looked over after shooting her darts, and her eyes widened, surprised to see Scotty as well.

“Hey, Scotty! It’s been a long time.” She said, walking into his lanky arm embrace.

“Since, uh… since that basement show that got busted!” He said, snapping his fingers, recalling when they had serendipitously run into each other in St. Louis. “A pleasure as always, Alma.” He said with a little bow.

Alma laughed. “Yeah! Are you still with Ki’?”

“Kiara, eh, no.” He lightly winced, pulling a cigarette from his pack of menthol cigarettes. “We–”

“Alma! It’s your turn.” Tara interrupted, which made Alma's lip curl in annoyance.

She apologetically excused herself and went back into the game, one she was winning this time, but she couldn’t care less.

“Boy! She will just always be pretty, huh.” Scotty winked at his friend, tapping each end of his cig’ on the pack. “Been here for a week now, and there’s nothing left to look at here if you get me. You ending up with Alma is like getting the last chopper out of fuckin’ ‘Nam, man!”

Bill laughed. “And what happened to your girlfriend? I remember you living together.”

“Ah yeah.” He paused to light his cigarette. “We did that off and on, bullshit. And then, we had a daughter. So we were good for a cool minute and then broke up again. Straight done-zo. But it’s fine; we’re better as friends. And sometimes we’ll still hook up, so I’ll take it.” He said, taking a drag from his cigarette.

“Oh. You have a daughter?” Bill was happy to hear that.

“Yeah!” He smiled, pulling on his wallet chain. “Her name is Jasmine Marie. We call her Jazzy, though.” He unfolded his weathered red leather wallet and showed him a picture of his child. She was cute, with a cappuccino complexion and hair braided back into two poofs of curly, dark hair. “She’s three here, but she’s five now.”

“Yeah, she’s cute, man. Alma and I have a daughter too.” He smiled. “She’s almost two; her name is Echo.”

“No shit? So you finally did it! Good for you, man!” He laughed, tucking his wallet in his back pocket.

Bill laughed. “At least once.”

“Ha! Well, at least you made it fuckin’ count!”

Bill dug into Alma’s purse—pushing tampons and a tube of cherry chapstick away from her pocketbook—to show him a picture of his child. One Alma had taken. Unfortunately, his wallet didn’t have any room to add a photo of her. He’d need to get a new one.

“Dude!” Scotty said, snatching the pocketbook from Bill to look at the photo closer. “Hell yeah, man! She’s adorable, but of course, you’re cute, dude.” Scotty teased, passing the wallet back. Bill noticed some guy in a trucker hat glance, overhearing his friend. Scotty was only joking, but you couldn’t make comments like that in a place like this.

“Have you heard anything about Jones?” Bill inquired before he took a drink of his beer.

“Jones?” He sat his beer down after taking a sip. “Mm. Not much. Last I heard, he lives in Tulsa and is in the military. Uh, Air Force, actually. Has a family and all that. So yeah, it sounds like he’s doing alright to me. And you? Still running that place in New York?” He suggestively wagged his brows.

“Yeah. But I’m on to something else now.”

“Oh?”

“I bought a record shop. It’s a venue too. But it’s in Seattle, where I’m living now, too. And yeah, it rains a lot.” He said before he was asked.

“Well, no shit, Bill. But for real? That’s legit, man! You have to tell me the details of that. I’m managing a Chicago band. We just did a short East Coast tour last month! They're good. No bullshit!”

While they spoke, filling in the gaps of missed time, Julia approached, grabbed empty drink glasses, and took an order at their table. Her swiftness and her memorization skills were quite impressive to Bill. Alma was still beating Tara at darts, and it was the only thing entertaining her because all the trivial trauma dumping that Tara was doing was just fucking ridiculous. Anytime Alma tried to get a word in with her, it fell on deaf ears, and she turned the conversation back on herself. It was by a miracle that she recognized a bar patron when they entered.

“Roger!” Tara shouted. Suddenly, she seemed uninterested in the game and Alma altogether. “Uhm, I think I’m done playing.” She said to Alma, placing her darts in her hand.

“Sure. You know where to find me…” She trailed off because Tara unceremoniously walked off, effectively ditching her. While Alma was grateful to be free of her, it still felt shitty.

She joined Bill and Scotty, who were cracking up about something.

“You fuckin’ dog!” Scotty laughed, shaking his head.

“Yeah, yeah…” Bill said, amused when his gaze found Alma’s. “You finished your game?” He asked, reaching out to her and putting his arm over her shoulder.

“Fuck that game. She was…” Alma groaned, a bit flustered. “Something else.”

“That girl you were with?” Scotty pointed behind himself with his thumb, and Alma nodded. “Looking at her made my dick itch. Excuse me, I know she’s your friend.” He raised his hands, meaning no harm.

Alma laughed. “No, she’s not. So, where are you living? What’s been going on with you?”

“Capone’s old stomping grounds.”

“Chicago?”

“Yes ma’am. I just got done telling Billy this, but Kiara moved there with our daughter Jazzy about two years ago to be close to family. And I followed. My old man took off when I was a kid, and I didn’t want to do the same shit.”

“Yeah, of course! I love hearing that you have a daughter, too.” She genuinely smiled, happy for him. “How long are you here for?”

“I take off in the morning with my little sister. But, uhm, Billy told me I’d have to talk to you about booking the band I manage.”

“Oh shit!” She raised her brows. “Well, yeah… but you should also come see us too. Fuck working.”

“Oh, for sure! I’ve been wanting to head that way, actually. Just give me the word!”

Bill subtly took a glance at his wristwatch while they spoke. If they were younger and on a date, he would have gotten Alma home at the hour she was expected. That rite of passage had passed them by, though. However, they left their daughter with two elderly people, who were most likely up past their bedtime to watch her. Echo may have tucked them into bed herself by now, for all he knew.

“Uhm,” Bill spoke up regretfully as he interrupted the laughter they shared about some tour mishap that Scotty experienced. “I think we have to pick Echo up now.”

“Ah, no worries, man,” Scotty said understandingly, taking another cigarette from his pack. “I’m taking the first leg of the drive in the morning, anyway. I’m just going to burn one more and head out after. ”

“Maybe we can wait until you finish,” Alma said, looking up at Bill. She felt it would be rude to leave him behind since he arrived solo.

“Fuck it, I’ll have one too,” Bill said, and then he suggested that they could smoke outside.

He briefly stopped by the bar to pay his tab, while Alma and Scotty waited by the jukebox. They were snickering mischievously while looking through the catalog to play obnoxious pop and hard rock tracks they knew the patrons would hate. Bill waited for Julia to personally pick up the generous tip he left for her.

“Thanks, Billy!” She hardly took a glance at the cash but could tell just by handling it that he left her something substantial.

“I left my business card under the clip too.” She furrowed her brows questioningly. “Do you want to bartend here forever?”

“Well…”

“Think about it. I have a place with a bar in New York City where you’ll get tipped three times more than what I just left with you.”

“Really?” Julia said, tilting her head with intrigue.

“I wrote my business partner's number on the back. Her name’s Bianca. Tell her you know me; she’ll expect your call whenever it comes.” He knocked on the counter with his knuckles and said goodbye to her before she could fully process his proposition.

Bill lit his cigarette once out of the bar on the warm, muggy night with Alma and Scotty. The men walked behind her, speaking some before parting ways. They reached his car in the backside gravel lot, and they paused to say goodnight. Alma stood back, letting them have a moment after hugging him and telling him how nice it was to see him.

“Stay in touch this time, fucker!” Scotty said, flicking his cigarette down and stomping out the ember. “Seriously though.”

“Yeah, for sure. I’m in a better spot now, so.”

“I get you, man. Life, right.” He sighed. “Well, it was good to see you, brother.” He said before they embraced tightly.

Alma took Bill’s hand again when he joined her again. “Have a safe trip, Scotty.” She said, waving.

“Thanks, Alma.” He said, putting a hand to his heart, appreciatively. “Don’t forget, I’m gonna hit you up! Business first, party later.”

“Lame.” She teased, making him chuckle, just before he got in his car and drove away. “What time is it?” She asked Bill when they entered their SUV, a few parking spaces away.

“Your dad’s going to be fucking pissed!” He exclaimed, feigning alarm, before he chuckled. “It’s almost eleven.”

“You wanna make out before we leave?” She cheekily asked, reaching over to brush the side of his hair.

“Get in the back.” He said, nudging his head towards the back seat.

“Bill… the car seat, and I’m on my period…”

“Excuses.” He tutted, putting the gear in drive and hitting the gas pedal, causing the car to lurch forward enough to pin Alma’s back to her seat for a moment.

“Hey!” She glared at him, displeased. “Fine.”

Bill bit his lip to keep from laughing, especially when she crossed her arms. As he drove to Alma’s father’s house, he turned left onto an old, dusty country road. Before she could ask where they were going, she quickly remembered there was a secluded enclave where teens and young adults would go to hook up, which fell on the very lonely road they were on. She remained silent in fear that he’d change his mind and turn around just to mess with her further.

The lover's cove was anything but inviting. The moonlight struggled to illuminate the area. The moonbeams that broke through the tree canopy gave the area an eerie green glow. The cicadas and nocturnal wildlife could be heard skittering and cooing in the surrounding brush. The headlights had long been cut off when they parked next to a tree with a thick trunk and away from the other two cars parked. They’d look abandoned to the flora if they weren’t mildly rocking.

Bill stepped out of the car without a word to open her door, but he paused with his hand on the door handle, kicking dry twigs and garbage away. An unusually cold breeze struck Alma once the door opened.

“Make it quick.” He said, leaning in to kiss her before she could pout.

Though he was mostly joking, there was some seriousness behind it. Car sex was difficult enough with his height and long limbs, but now there was a car seat in the way. It wasn’t sexy to have to pause the passion that they were currently sharing while making out by having to uninstall it. Most importantly, it wasn’t wise to overstay their welcome. It wasn’t worth getting harassed by the menacing pack of feral dogs that seemed to appear at the most inconvenient times, or worse, harassed by bored small-town police. Bill wanted to enjoy himself despite these obstacles because, while he had never been here with Alma until now, he knew that if things had gone differently they’d have ended up in this creepy, secluded patch of land long ago.

Bill kept inching his hand up her skirt but was becoming frustrated when she kept clenching her legs closed. If it wasn’t in the shower, Alma always worried about the added mess her menses created. However, sex was messy as is, but Bill never minded it the way she did. Besides, they didn’t have time to worry about any of it.

“Don’t be so hasty,” Alma breathlessly said as she broke away from his lips. “We just got here.” She reached for the button on his trousers, somewhat contradicting herself.

She slid out of her seat and stood on earth in front of him. She bent forward and took him into her mouth. Even with eyes that had adjusted to the dark, it was difficult to see her work while he leaned back with his hips jutted forward, but he could certainly feel each lick, suck, and pump with her assisting hand.

His hands continuously pushed her hair back to at least see a glimpse of her pretty mouth on his cock, but he kept getting lost in the feeling, especially when she was taking him to the back of her throat. His eyes fluttered closed as he moaned appreciatively.

“Baby…” he said breathlessly. “I’m gonna come if you keep doing that.”

His warning only encouraged her, and that’s when he had to take control because he knew she was trying to skirt away from sex. If she made him cum down her throat without having to bend over, could he really complain? His hand cupped the bottom of her chin, gently pulled her away, and got her to stand upright for their lips to meet again. She felt his hands beginning to push her skirt up.

“Turn around,” he said with guiding hands on her hips.

She slightly hesitated but obliged nonetheless. “Wait a second.” She whispered as he pushed her skirt over her ass. The sound of his hand smacking her ass cheek bounced among the trees before he pulled her panties down to the middle of her thighs. “Let me–”

She gasped when he pulled the tampon out of her and tossed it somewhere in the brush, startling some avian wildlife that cawed in irritation. Suddenly, she felt his mouth at her core, taking some greedy licks, much to her surprise. There was only one instance where he’d gone down on her while on her period, and that was only by accident. It happened during a drunken night when the lights were off and the black-out curtains were drawn to keep the city lights from shining in the bedroom of their old Hell’s Kitchen apartment. Unbeknownst to either of them, she had started her period. Bill assumed she was just really wet because he was doing such a good job. However, he was drunk and was being quite sloppy. It wasn’t until he rose to kiss her that Alma noticed something off, or rather tasted something off.

Bill straightened up, pushed Alma to lay her chest on the passenger seat, and lined himself with her entrance. Despite his demanding attitude, Alma appreciated that he pushed in gently. She was rather sensitive during her time of the month, to the point where it was almost uncomfortable until her body could acclimate, and the intrusion became pleasurable. For Bill, she felt the same but somehow different. She was slick, and it was gritty and felt a little taboo. Occasionally, the wind swayed the branches above enough to let the moonlight illuminate his cock, revealing the sangria fluid coating him and making some animalistic fire ignite in his chest. It was as if he interpreted it as some sanguine pact.

Alma pressed her face into the seat once she let her inhibitions go. The apprehension left her, and her breathy moans began to flow out past her lips. He thrust into her with less hesitation, feeling and seeing how she was responding favorably to him now.

She gasped at a certain snap of his hips. “Fuck! Like, like that.”

Bill bent into the SUV from where he stood, so half his body was inside, just like hers. The pressure of his hands on her achy hips and his thrusts felt incredible, but also relieving. Bill could feel her impending climax building inside her, but her needy moans were intoxicating him. While he always tried to be a gentleman and preferred that she come first, he couldn’t hold back anymore. Especially when she pressed her bottom harder against him to feel him deeper inside. A deep moan erupted from his chest, and Alma could feel his warm release within. It felt so visceral, fucking outside, communing with nature in the most natural states of their bodies. He never ceased his thrusts, continuing in the same rhythm Alma asked him not to deviate from.

“Ah,” Bill gulped. “There you go.”

He ran a soothing hand up her back once she met her peak. They stole kisses in between catching their breath. Bill slowly pulled out of her, jolting them back into the reality of their situation. He stepped over to open the backseat door, where there was a spare package of baby wipes to clean themselves with. What a starkly unsexy reminder that they were parents and needed to get back to their responsibilities.

…

It was just a little past eleven when they returned to Alma’s father’s home. Antonio and Connie were sitting on the front porch with mugs of coffee in hand with Echo. They were chuckling to themselves while she played with their favorite hen, Pinto. She didn’t seem so bothered, as the hen liked to sit and brood. Bill and Alma stayed a while after gathering the baby bag and gifts, never realizing how they never bothered to really fix their clothes. Alma’s top was still unbuttoned and Bill’s polo untucked. Connie had apologized to Alma for not putting Echo to bed, but Alma assured her that it was fine and that she’d fall asleep on the car ride. The young parents thanked Connie before she decided to go back inside with Pinto, ready for bed, and to give them privacy.

“So late?” Antonio raised his brow, but he wasn’t upset. He didn’t believe either of them for a second when they said they’d only be away for an hour.

“Sorry. We ran into old friends.” Bill explained, trying to keep the smug smirk Alma had called him out on for having when they arrived, from spreading across his face. The ‘I just fucked your daughter’ look. “I’m going to get Echo in the car,” Bill said, picking her up. “Say bye, baby.”

"No, bye-bye!” She protested.

“No, no. Just bedtime, mija.” Antonio said to her. “Goodnight, amor.”

“Sleepies!” Echo listened and seemed to understand that it was quite late. She even looked tired, even if she was fighting it.

“Yeah!” Alma said, caressing her cheek before Bill walked down the porch steps, taking her back to the car. “Thanks, Apá.”

“Mhmm.” Antonio nodded. “She’s a sweet girl. Reminds me of you. Thank you for giving me a grandchild. Your mama would be so happy. So proud, like I am.”

Alma swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yeah…” she inhaled deeply. “Please visit us. I don’t want this to be the last time I see you.”

Antonio nodded. “Okay, mija. Bill makes Seattle sound pretty. He’s a good talker.”

Alma smiled and was surprised that he’d complimented her boyfriend. When Bill returned, he stood at the bottom of the steps, watching Antonio and Alma lovingly embrace. He walked up a couple of steps, and finally, Antonio gave him the most proper, even pressured, handshake. It was a subtle sign of respect between men.

“Before you go,” Antonio slowly walked, with the assistance of his cane, to the little porch table and grabbed a small gift bag. “All the paperwork for the old house is in there. Signed. Notarized.” He said just to get it out of the way. Their trip wasn’t about the home, it was only just the lure to get her to Missouri. “But there’s a pair of gold basket earrings for Echo too. I had bought them before I could ask if her ears were pierced.” He bought them the same week he learned he had a granddaughter, out of excitement. “Anyway, I wanted to give you the rosary inside there too. It holds some of Leo and Lily’s ashes.”

“Oh…” Alma nodded and mournfully smiled. “Thank you.”

“Mhm.” It was mostly for him that he had given her the rosary. It gave him comfort to know that, in some capacity, all his children were together. “You said you have an early morning?” He said, speaking to Bill, who had just stood by observing. “But also, you said you’re not leaving until the evening?”

“Uhm,” Bill cleared his throat. “Yeah. We’re going to visit the springs before we go.”

…

When they arrived to the spring, everything was much different from what they remembered. The acres that it sat on had been purchased and were made into a private park. To enter, they were in a line of cars, waiting their turn to pay the ten-dollar fee.

“Ten?” Bill asked, appalled and disgruntled with the attending agent. “American dollars?”

“Here,” Alma said, leaning over him and passing the cash over with a friendly smile, and the attendant waved them in.

“Alma?” Bill turned to her while she was so close.

“Just go. There's a line behind us.” She pecked him on the lips before sitting back in her seat.

“Money isn’t the issue; it's the principle.” He griped as they looked for a parking space. “How are you going to charge to see some flowing water and some fucking grass?” He peered over his sunglasses while reversing into a parking space.

Alma giggled at his irritation, but she did agree with him. The parking lot was once just a dirt patch, but it is now paved and painted with park slots. There was a large pavilion and even a children's playground now. An obvious indication of what the fees went towards.

Alma and Echo enjoyed the more populated area, where families splashed about the roped-off section of shallow waters. The only problem was that there were many older children not minding where they were going and nearly bumping into Echo and other children her age. In the last incident, Alma and another mother had to quickly sweep their daughters into their arms when two boys roughly played far too close to them. The women looked at each other a bit flustered, imagining the worst had they not been quick, and then slightly chuckled together, shaking their heads. They left to join Bill, who had been busy looking for a spare picnic table.

“Maybe… we should go find your spot?” Alma suggested, seeing as he was still slightly peeved.

“Let’s eat first; I literally just sat down.”

After eating their packed lunch of ham sandwiches and potato chips. Bill led the way, following a footpath along the water. He knew the direction, but after so many years, he wasn’t positive if they’d find the place he’d like to escape to during rough times. The footpath had deviated and faded after some time. They were trekking in inches of flowing water in their Converse now. Bill couldn’t recall if the path took this turn but continued looking ahead, hoping to see any familiar landmarks.

As their feet fell on washed-out muddy land again, Alma turned her head behind herself, taking note that there were no obnoxious park visitors to be seen or heard anymore. Nor were there people floating in the spring to the left of them. It was just the family among the trees and water. She almost ran into Bill when he suddenly paused in front of her.

“Could you hold her for a second?” He asked while passing Echo to her. He took off his shirt, folded it in half long ways, and tucked it behind the waistband of his black swim trunks.

He took Alma’s backpack and wore it on the front of himself, since he was wearing one as well. He needed both hands to hold back thin, hanging branches away from the path.

“Are we close?” Alma questioned, covering Echo’s face when they ducked under a branch he pushed away from them.

“Yeah.” He said, even though he had begun doubting himself.

Alma started to lose hope in ever finding it and worried about getting lost, but she didn’t want to discourage him by voicing it. The landscape became a bit rocky, and she had to be mindful of where she stepped to keep from tripping. They met a small fork in the spring. The water was about calf-high in the deepest part, or so that’s what it appeared like. The water was too murky under the shade of trees to be certain.

“It’s just past this,” Bill said as they stood on the edge of the water.

This was vaguely familiar to Alma; however, she didn’t remember it being nearly five feet at the widest part. It was merely a foot over a decade ago.

“I’ll go first. Just watch where I step and follow it.” He instructed.

Effortlessly, he walked across, only pausing to say there was a large rock where he stood. Alma hiked Echo further up on her hip and held her tighter as she followed. The water went above her knees and was ice-cold. She stood on the rock Bill had pointed out and held Echo out to him, doubting herself when she could have taken Echo across perfectly fine. Instead, he held his hand out and pulled hers, assisting her to follow through.

“It better be close,” Alma said, hugging his side, still feeling the chill of the water.

Bill chuckled. “It is. I remember now.”

A few minutes later, the pathway opened up to an undisturbed grove. The water was placid, and you could see the tall grass on the bluffs in the distance swaying with the wind. It was still as pretty as she remembered it so long ago.

They laid a blanket down and settled on the bank among the wildflowers. There was evidence that others had also discovered this place over the years, but luckily they had it all to themselves today. Alma took her crop tank off but remained in her unbuttoned denim shorts and red string bikini top, and sat next to Echo on the blanket. As she dug through one of the bags for sunscreen, Bill kicked off his wet Converse. He just stared ahead in thought for a moment.

“Do you want some?” Alma looked up at him, holding out the bottle of sunscreen.

“Yeah. In a minute.” He crouched down and rubbed a spot of white sunscreen into his daughter's forehead before grabbing a cigarette and a lighter from a bag.

Alma watched him walk into the cold water alone, puffing away and inspecting the shore. It seemed like he wanted a moment. The very first and last time she came here with him, it was just a week before he left her life for another. She was convinced she’d never see him again. That she’d never have a time in which this would ever happen again. It didn’t help that the weekend before when he came to sleep over, she broke down crying, asking him to stay and begging him not to leave out of selfishness. When the weekend before that, at the field party, she told him she understood why he had to leave. She was rather embarrassed of herself for it.

It was here that she definitively accepted that he needed to go. He picked her up early in the morning, tapping on her bedroom window, and he had a deep bruise under his eye and across his cheek. It pained her when she noticed them on his body, but it devastated her when they were visible on his handsome face.

At the beginning of their friendship, she noticed the bruises, but if she asked about them, he’d shy away or have an excuse for them. Eventually, she was able to put the pieces together, until he finally confessed. She felt so helpless, but the only thing she could do was offer her room to get away from the abuse whenever he wanted. She didn’t care if they got caught, but luckily they never were.

Alma lightly snickered when the water met his waist, and he shivered a bit, but then he ducked down. His whole body disappeared into the water, all except his raised arm that held his cigarette between his long fingers. When he emerged, he put his cigarette to his lips while slicking his hair back.

“C’mon!” He said, turning around and waving them over.

Alma fixed Echo’s periwinkle bucket hat on her head, which matched her checkered bathing suit, before gently coaxing her to meet her father on her own.

“Go with daddy, E’!” She encouraged.

She got up on her chubby legs, giggled, and shrieked happily as she ran toward the water. Bill met her by the edge, flicking the spent cigarette close by to pick up later, and scooped her into her arms.

Alma pushed her shorts off and picked her bikini bottoms out of her ass crack before joining them. As she feared, the water was rather cold when her feet were immersed. Even being as hot as it was, you’d think it would be a little relieving, but the drastic change in temperatures was shocking.

“Oh, stop!” Bill laughed, noticing her apprehension. “You’ll get used to it fast.”

“It was warmer in the family area.” She said, inching her way in.

“Yeah, ‘cause 50 kids are pissin’ in it.” He chuckled a bit when seeing Alma grimace with disgust at the thought.

“But the baby? I might be too cold for her.”

Bill looked down at Echo in his arms, and she stared back with a smile. With his hands under her armpits, he began lowering her down into the knee-deep water.

“If you’re going to dunk her, be nice about it,” Alma said with worry.

“I know, I know.”

Once her feet went in, she kicked her little legs and wiggled her toes happily, seemingly unaffected, until he lowered her further, and suddenly she stuck her legs straight out in front of her. Her little body was now hovering at a perfect 90-degree angle above the cold water, causing them to laugh loudly.

They decided to sit on the shore for her to splash about and acclimate to the cool water, while they took turns applying sunscreen to each other. They spent time in waist-deep water after inflating a baby floatie for Echo to join them.

“Just go all the way in,” Bill suggested when Alma kept tensing up anytime her dry upper body made contact with the cool water.

Alma gently pushed Echo towards him, and once she floated off, she pinched her nose and disappeared under the water. Bill reached for the floatie and smiled at his child as she wiggled her fingers around the edges of the floatie to touch the water. He was happily speaking to her when he glanced towards the same spot where Alma had submerged herself and furrowed his brows. The water ripples were gone, a small school of minnows swam by, and air bubbles on the surface burst. She should have gone in and out, but seconds were now passing.

Suddenly, he felt something by his thigh and then on his hip, until Alma jumped out of the water behind him and wrapped her arms around him, giggling.

“Don’t do that,” he laughed, turning his head over his shoulder to kiss her.

She stayed on his back with her arms loosely around his neck as he walked a little deeper into the water, where they stayed, enjoying each other's company under the blazing sun.

When they noticed Echo’s fingers and toes beginning to become pruney, they decided to take a break and lay out on the blanket on the bank with snacks between them. While fiddling with her Polaroid camera, Alma looked over at Bill, who lay on his back with his legs crossed and eyes closed, and wondered where his mind was. She watched Echo crawl over to her father, and he opened one eye to peek at her and smiled with full admiration for her.

“Pretty girl,” he said, cupping Echo’s face with his two large hands while she sat on his belly. She looked like such a big girl from when he first ever saw her. It would be a year, this very week in September, that she came into his life. How quickly a year could be. How quickly his whole life had changed.

Before Echo appeared in his life, he appreciated how time could go by so quickly. Especially after that fateful night, it was a comfort knowing that incident in time was slipping further and further away. The passing of time would encapsulate it into some shitty blip in the timeline. It also meant that he could further separate himself from his former self, too. Now, looking at his daughter, he just wished time would slow down.

Alma took a snapshot of them with her camera, and he turned his gaze at her. She winked at him, and he reached for it to take a photo of her. She posed, hugging her knees and gazing behind her shoulder with a contented smile.

Eventually, Echo was lying in her mother's lap, enjoying the TLC of the reapplication of sunscreen on her legs. Alma looked over at her when she felt her going limp, and her eyes were fighting to stay open. She grinned lovingly, amused by her pampered baby, and rocked her a bit for a nap.

They were back in the water, after creating a makeshift barricade of bags around Echo. Bill used a portable umbrella as a canopy and wrapped her lower legs with a thin blanket to keep her from quickly getting up before they could notice. They swam about until, eventually, Alma floated peacefully on her back. He left her undisturbed and admired her. How her skin looked golden under the sun, and her beautiful face rested in contentment. The image familiar.

It was here that he finally admitted to himself that he was in love with her. The realization swelled and broke his heart simultaneously. Years ago, he admired her just like she was now, floating in tranquility. A flood of conflicting emotions finally consumed him. Happiness, regret, love, and unworthiness. He swallowed hard, took a deep breath that inflated his broad chest, and slowly exhaled. He had everything now, but it was hard to accept if he really deserved any of it.

Alma paddled her arms suddenly and stood upright in the water, while he quickly corrected the despondent expression on his face. She smiled at him, none the wiser, as she began swimming closer to him.

“Take me to the deep end.” She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, facing him.

He went just to his shoulders when their lips met. Her hand ran over his slicked-back hair lovingly. Bill was squeezing Alma so tightly that she nearly couldn’t breathe, but she liked it when he felt so needy for her.

“Can I take your hair down?” He asked, running his hand down one of her french braids.

She nodded and allowed him to pull the hair ties from the ends of her braids and wore them on his wrist. She ran her fingers as best she could through her scalp before leaning back to dunk her head. He preferred her wavy hair down and wild, but it was also how she wore it when he first brought her here. They gazed into each other's eyes, both in admiration.

“I love you.” They said at the same time, and they both bashfully laughed.

At first, he expected Alma’s lips to meet his again and puckered his to accept, but instead, she rested her chin on his shoulder and hugged him tightly. His hands ran down her wet hair, and he sighed wistfully.

“Did you ever come back here after I brought you?” He wondered.

“I tried the first summer you were gone. But I never found it.”

They waded in the water for a bit, inching closer and closer to the bank as they did. Alma kept her legs wrapped around his waist and floated half her body over the water as he slowly walked. Occasionally, his hands sneakily grazed sensitive skin, just as he did so long ago when they were in this same position in the water. She found it amusing and cute of him.

“I like this bikini,” he said, plucking the red string high on her hip as they walked out of the spring together.

“Yeah? The one I wore when I first came here was like a nun’s bikini now in comparison.” She said, making him laugh.

“I guess you could say that.” He remembered the two-piece white bikini she wore. It was another purchase she made under her mother's nose, who only allowed her to wear a one-piece. While it wasn’t as skimpy as the one she was wearing now, he appreciated how much of her skin he could see then.

Bill silently rummaged through the bags to check the time on his wristwatch while Echo continued to sleep. Alma walked further up the bank and began picking wildflowers she deemed pretty. Creating a small bouquet of yellow, violet, and white petaled flowers.

“Is it time to go?” She asked Bill when she returned.

“We have a little bit of time.” He said, rubbing his hand on her thigh before she took a seat in front of him. They still had to take the 3-hour drive back to Kansas City and board a late-night flight right after.

She reached over to Echo to gently unwrap her legs from the blanket, as she was a little hot on the cheeks. However, she stirred in her sleep, was displeased, and whined over the disturbance. Alma quickly took her into her arms and rocked her.

“Shh, shh.” She softly brushed the little hairs on her forehead. “Sorry, baby.”

Bill quickly dumped out the sun-warm water from her sippy cup and added cooler drinking water to it before handing it to Alma, to which she smiled appreciatively. She gently rocked her until she became content in her arms. While lying in Alma’s lap, she began to crown her daughter's head with the bouquet of wildflowers as she slept.

Bill watched reflectively, recalling how Alma had done the same to him, and now she was adorning their child the same way. He remembered having his head in her lap, enjoying that the shadow of her breasts was shielding his eyes from the sun as they shared a skinny joint he made with old stubs from other joints. At the same time, Alma was also recalling the time she lined his hair with white flowers, looking cute yet rugged with the bruise on his face.

“What happened?” Alma paused and softly grazed the bruise on his cheek with her thumb.

He frowned. He didn’t like talking about it, and he had already told Alma as much. Suddenly he rose, and all her work fell from his head as he shook the flowers onto her.

“Hey! I wasn’t done.” He chuckled as he pinched his tongue and used his saliva to extinguish the ember on the joint. She could tell he was deflecting. “Sorry.” Her face fell regretfully.

Bill took a deep breath, resting his arms on his bent knees. “There’s usually no reason.” He looked out towards the water as he began to explain. “But this time… I started it.”

“Wh–”

“Someone stole some of my New York funds. Not all.” He reassured. “I hide my money in different places for this exact reason.”

“But… you still have enough?”

Bill’s face fell. “Well. Yeah, enough.”

“How much was taken?” She asked carefully.

He bit his lip nervously. “Fifty.” He put his hand up before Alma could voice her worry. Fifty dollars was a lot to lose in the early ‘80s. “I can get there and have some to stay a week or so in a room somewhere, but…” A pit began to build in both their stomachs. The thought of him being on the streets in New York City was terrifying. “I’ll be fine. I still have a week to make some of it back. But anyway, I pissed my dad off enough for this,” he pointed at his cheek.

Bill's heart grew heavy with regret and disdain for himself after the memory passed. Alma was busy admiring their pretty baby when she heard a sniffle behind her. Carefully, she turned her head slowly and met Bill’s reddened eyes as they stung with tears.

“Bill?” She said softly. Confused and concerned with his sudden change in mood.

He rapidly blinked his misty eyes, hating that he was caught too deep in his thoughts. This trip was getting to his head.

“I hate this place.” He said through gritted teeth, trying to compose himself. “Not. Not here.” He corrected himself.

“Just Strathburg.” She nodded, understanding what he meant.

“Yeah…” he cleared his throat. “This is one of the few places I’d like to come to get away from everything, you know.” He said, looking out at the placid water. “I was watching you float earlier, and it reminded me of the last time we were ever here. The sun was setting, and the light was golden, and you were content with your arms out.” He explained by picturing it perfectly in his mind. “It’s when I realized I didn’t want to leave you behind. I realized I was in love with you, for real. I’m so sorry I left.” He bit his lip. “I should have told you that before I did. There are many times, even after that, I should have told you.”

Alma was trying to take in everything he was confessing to her before speaking and took a deep breath. “You had to leave, though… I know what you were running from. It would have been selfish if I really had asked you to stay. You know that. But we made a promise to each other, and I found you again.”

Bill lightly sneered because, from the point that she did find him, he should have done so many things differently. It should have been the start of a happy life, but he just continued punishing himself by denying himself it. Perpetuating his abuse. “You did, and I felt happiness I hadn’t felt in a long while. But I was so shitty. I’ve done a lot of things I can’t take back, and I regret that. I wasn’t good to you for a long time.”

“I don’t think I was all that great then, either.”

“No.” He frowned. “You were just reacting to how I behaved. I just…” he quickly swallowed the lump stuck in his throat. “I just want to say, I’m sorry.”

Alma’s breath hitched, as she wasn’t expecting an apology, but she hadn’t realized just how much she needed to hear it until he did. She bit her lip and turned away when she felt her eyes well up with tears.

“Mm.” She lightly whimpered, turning back to him. “But I’ve forgiven you a long time ago. Y-you literally saved my life.” She bit down on her quivering lip.

“Still, Alma. You deserve an apology. When—when I did what I did that night. That’s the one thing I don’t regret… and… and sometimes I wonder if that makes me bad. Am I a bad man? Like,” he bit his lip and looked pained as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Like him?” A tear fell from his eye, which he quickly wiped away. He was revealing his deepest thoughts out loud, and it terrified him. Alma’s heart broke, understanding he was comparing himself to his father. “No.” He shook his head, rejecting that thought. He would never be him, he worked too hard to fully believe that. “That night. Killing Craig.” He allowed himself to speak the word plainly. “I later realized that I had killed that old version of me, too, that night. And then, you left,” he sighed.

“I shouldn’t have.” She said remorsefully.

“You had every right to, Alma.” He said with deep understanding. “I kept pushing you away, and you even tried to…” He couldn’t bring himself to mention that she tried to take her own life. It saddened him too much. “I had already done too much damage. But I missed you even harder, and I was fucking miserable without you. But I felt like I deserved it.”

Tears slipped down Alma’s face, and her hand clamped her mouth to choke back a sob. “No,” she shook her head. “You didn’t deserve that after what you did for me. I hate what I did. I fucking robbed you!”

“It’ll be a year this week… I stopped being upset about that.”

Alma nodded, trying to compose herself. They had both done things that they deeply regretted. It was good they were laying everything out here because it was best to keep moving forward, as they both agreed upon. Forward, without the hurt.

“You’re a sweet man. I’ve always thought that about you. Even when you were an asshole, I still knew your heart. You’re not a bad man. Don’t ever say that shit again.” She took in a deep, shaky breath. “I am still so sorry for keeping her from you like I did. She loves you so much. She always knew you, I would talk about you to her even when she was still in my belly. On the phone, I’d put the receiver next to it so she could hear your voice. I felt her move for the first time during one of those times.”

Bill nodded as he rubbed his sniffling nose. “It’s been a year…” he reiterated as he exhaled loudly and looked at his sleeping daughter wearing a crown of wildflowers. “I’ve known her longer now than when I didn’t.” And he was glad for that; she was just nine months old when she came into his life. “And you’re not bad either.” He said, looking at Alma now. “You care; you always have. I think maybe you care too much,” he sadly laughed because she would always act as if she didn’t care about anything at all. It wouldn't be very rock’n’roll if you acted otherwise.

“I still remember when I finally got to New York, and a few weeks in, I was fucking starving in the shitty rent room I was in. I was down to change basically, and I happened to be digging around the duffle bag I had and found sixty dollars in a little tiny pocket.” Alma’s eyes widened. She had put together leftover Christmas and birthday money and a paycheck from Dairy Queen after learning that his money had been stolen. “And it had a little note, and all it said was, I love you. No signature.” He had kept that note until it inevitably disintegrated.

Tears slipped from Alma’s eyes again. “I never knew if you found that or not.”

“I did.” He nodded appreciatively. “I got a hot meal that night, but I was able to build off that money and finally get a place or really rent a room for a while but…” he lightly chuckled. “I don’t know what would have happened if I didn’t have that. That’s why I give you anything you want now. And you gave me her.” He pointed at Echo while he paused, licking his lips in contemplation. “You know… I want to marry you.” Alma’s eyes widened, completely taken aback. “I-I’m not proposing here. Give me some time to do it, right? But I just wanted you to know that I intend to. It’s why I dragged you two here because I wanted to come to ask for your dad's permission in person. It’s stupid and old-fashioned, I know, but I just wanted to do one thing right.”

“You want to marry me?” She pointed at her chest in disbelief and then turned to look out at the spring in thought. “Well… I don’t know?” She said, turning back to him.

Bill’s brows furrowed, and his lip turned. “You don’t know?” He said confused, even slightly offended.

“I mean… Technically, you are my boyfriend. But—I don’t think I can recall you ever asking me to be your girlfriend. I just was, one day.” She chuckled.

“Really?” He shook his head, amused at her stubbornness. “Well,” he sat up straighter and took her hand in his. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” He smirked. And then he thought this was exactly where he should have asked her so many years ago.

“Hmm… I guess I’ll give it a chance.” She playfully said with a grin.

He laughed and scooted up, so that she and their baby sat between his legs, gently pulling her close to put an arm around her. “I love you, Alma.”

“I know. I love you too, Bill.” They shared a deep, passionate kiss. It was needy and full of want, but most importantly, resolve.

She began to get up then, with Echo in her arms. “Do you want to leave?” He looked up at her, still as beautiful as ever, as she would always be to him. She held her hand out for him to stand up. “Together this time.”

~~~

Summer 1996

The family had been in New York City for the past month. They arrived for Bianca’s 45th birthday party in late June—however, only a handful of people were privy to her age. As far as birthdays went, this was her 10th year turning 25.

The family decided to stay for a month instead of having to drop in and haul the family back to their Seattle home so quickly. Besides, Bill needed to oversee some things at Trigger Finger, as he had been too preoccupied in Seattle. Now was as good a time as any to catch up on things he had been pushing aside.

It was early in the day, just a little past noon, while Bill sat behind the desk in the loft, overlooking paperwork and making calls. Operation hours at the club were still hours away. However, when Bill told Alma he and Echo would be going out to give her some space, he didn’t quite mention he’d take her to work. Luckily, she didn’t question where they were going; she was just too tired to even ask or, frankly, even care.

Echo sat on the front end of the loft, on top of the acrylic floor that looked directly down into the bar pit. She was four and a half now. As she liked to tell people. She looked over at her father leaning in his chair, laughing about something, and sighed heavily. She was becoming rather bored, having thought they were going to the park. She took her Barbie and a plastic brachiosaurus in the passenger seat for another spin in their hot pink Barbie Jeep. Cruising the parameters of the makeshift track, she made of blocks and a children's book, which she would wreck into them and giggle to herself.

“Today? Eh…” He glanced at his daughter, who was now pushing the Barbie Jeep as hard as she could across the floor and watching it spin out, causing the dolls to tumble off. “How quickly could you get here?”

“Papa?” Echo said, standing up, but he didn’t hear her.

She walked over and did a few twirls, as little girls do, to entertain herself on the short journey towards the desk.

“Papa.” She grabbed the arm he held the phone with and shook it a bit. “Papa?”

“Hey, uh, just page me.” He said to the person on the end of the line and hung up. “What is it E’?” He said, pulling her into his lap.

“I’m hungry.”

“Hmm.” He said fixing the butterfly clip in her hair. “We have a kitchen here, remember? What sounds good?”

“Mm.” She scrunched her eyes in thought, a funny little quirk of hers. “Sopa?”

“The kind your mommy makes?” He asked and she nodded.

“De estrellitas.”

Bill smiled, it was cute when she spoke a little Spanish here and there. Usually regarding food. “Uhm. What else? I don’t think we have that.”

She looked a little disappointed, and then her eyes lit up with another suggestion. “Scrample eggs?”

“That sounds excellent!” He said, tickling her side, and together they left the loft, hand in hand, to the kitchen.

Echo looked over at the dimly illuminated stage and the shiny spot-lit poles curiously until the shiny disco ball she had been eyeing in the loft grabbed her attention again. So big, she thought. She loved the disco ball night light she owned since she could ever remember. She just wished it was just as big.

Bill sat her down on top of a steel prep table before he gathered the ingredients and utensils he needed. He sat a steel bowl next to her with two eggs inside and asked if she’d like to help crack them. She excitedly nodded, and he handed her an egg and guided her hand to tap the edge of the bowl.

“Good job, baby! Do the next one,” he encouraged before turning to start the burner behind them and plopping a knob of butter on the skillet.

Bill glanced over at Echo as she watched him cook her scrambled eggs. A strange, creeping shiver ran up his spine, and then he uncomfortably cleared his throat once the realization came to him. It was easy to forget that the retrofitted kitchen was once the old loft. He realized that where his daughter sat was roughly the same spot as where he choked the life out of someone. He pushed that thought away. He took one life, and he created one. That had to have balanced the cosmos for whatever it was worth.

“Mmm! Smells yummy, Papa!” Echo giggled with her hands on her belly, and he smiled at her before plating her eggs and drizzling ketchup on top. Just how she liked it.

“Do you want to take the dumbwaiter down? It’ll be dark for a second.” He gently warned.

“Yeah! I’m not scared, Papa!”

He helped her inside with one arm as he held onto her plate with the other. Maybe Alma wouldn’t be too happy that he was letting her do this, but some mischievous fun under parental guidance couldn’t be that bad.

“I’ll meet you down, okay?” He said, kissing the top of her head.

Echo held onto her knees, and suddenly she was encapsulated in complete darkness inside the dumbwaiter. There was a light jolt, and down she slowly went, and she snickered to herself, tickled. He always let her do the fun stuff her mother would worry too much about. Light slowly filled the space of the compartment as it inched down until the lift lightly jolted to a stop.

“Papa?” She said it nervously, as he wasn’t at the bottom to meet her like he said he would. “Papaaa?”

“Boo!” He said, suddenly appearing before her. She lightly shrieked and then began laughing when she saw that he was. “Sorry. That wasn’t nice of me.”

“I wasn’t scared! I wasn’t scared!” She vehemently declared, as she wanted to prove she was a big girl.

“Of course not. You’re brave, remember?” He chuckled, holding his hand out for her as she quickly climbed out. “Look who’s here,” he nodded toward the bar.

“Queenie!”

“Hey, baby girl!” She said, crouching down to embrace her. “You look so cute today!” She complimented her color-blocked romper, which she insisted on pairing with sparkly rain boots.

Queenie helped her up the bar stool, and then her father sat her plate down in front of her.

“Is there a liquor delivery today?” Bill questioned, it wasn’t the typical day for it.

“We’re doing two-buck Mickey night again. They’re bringing some extra cases since we sold out last month.”

"Oh, right, right.” He nodded and then lightly frowned when his pager beeped. “Uhm, could you watch E’ for a sec’? I have a meeting with Alvin.”

“Yeah, sure.” She glanced over at Echo, who was happily eating her scrambled eggs. She passed her a black cocktail napkin, noticing the ketchup around her mouth.

“He’s coming up the private stairs. In and out.” He assured, smoothing his tucked black shirt. He was grateful that Queenie had shown up and had her to keep an eye on Echo. He didn’t want his daughter anywhere around creepy Alvin. Alma would simply side-eye him for allowing her to ride the dumbwaiter, but having her present for a drug transaction, he shuddered to think what she’d do. “E’, be good for Queenie, alright?” He said, running his hand down her long side ponytail. Her hair had darkened to a medium brown, but still, her golden baby hair remained on the ends.

She peered up at him, chewing a mouthful of eggs. “Mhmm!”

“Is it good?” He chuckled.

“The bestest! I love you, Papa.”

“Oh good! I love you, baby.” He kissed her on the cheek before leaving. “Thanks, Queenie.” He winked.

Echo watched him ascend the stairs to the loft pushing a lock of hair that fell over his forehead back, and once the door shut, she looked over at Queenie, who was rearranging some mixer bottles in front of her. “What’s two buck Mickeys?”

Queenie lightly laughed. “It’s beer, sweetie. Uhm, how ‘bout I make you a Shirley Temple?”

She smiled brightly. “My mommy makes those!”

“I bet! She taught me,” she said, winking at her. “How many cherries do you want?”

…

The New York City streets were full of honking cars and heavy foot traffic when they left the toy shop. He bought her a metallic pink ball for her patience at Trigger Finger, as his meeting with Alvin went a little longer than he’d liked.

“Do people play there too?”

“Hmm?” He said, biting his lip and looking down at her while they walked hand in hand to his trusted jeweler.

“Where we were?” She said, squinting at him since the sun was in her eyes.

“Oh! The club? Hmm,” he bit his cheek. “No, not like at the record shop, honey.” He opened the door for her and was glad the displays caught her attention, deterring her questions.

“Mr. Skarsgård!” The jeweler exclaimed, happy to see one of his favorite customers.

He had very hairy arms, Echo thought to herself, when she watched her father speak to him. It was just a quick stop before going home, as Alma asked him to take her earrings and a few rings she had to have cleaned while in town.

“Maybe some earrings for her next time?” The jeweler nodded over to Echo after Bill paid the man.

“I have some.” She quipped, pulling on one of the small gold basket earrings her grandfather Antonio had gifted her.

Bill smiled. “She likes what she likes. Well, I’ll see you around.”

“Yes, yes. Always here for you. Tell the wife, I said hello.” The jeweler said before they left.

“Are we going home now?” Echo inquired when they stepped out.

“One more stop. We’re having pizza for dinner tonight.”

“Yay! Pizza!”

They arrived at the penthouse, and Echo was still talking to him as they made their way up. She was quite talkative and inquisitive.

“But he’s so loud, Papa!” She complained.

“I think you’re mistaken about who's the loudest, honey.” He lightly chuckled. “But do you like New York?” He asked when she also complained about all the walking. “You might go to school here next year.”

“But why?” She scrunched her eyes.

“Well, they have some good schools here. It’s just a year, just to see. We can always go home to Seattle.” The elevator doors opened, and Bill warned her that they needed to be quiet when entering the penthouse.

Alma was inside, freshly showered after smelling like old milk and sweat. She changed into an oversized sweatshirt that belonged to Bill and a pair of his boxer briefs. She had a little time to relax on the couch and read a few chapters of a new romance novel in peace and quiet while enjoying a parfait. Now, she was curled up on the couch, hugging a throw pillow, when the door opened. It was like slow motion when she saw Echo enter, and the ball she was holding onto bounced loudly against the black marble floor and continued to roll down the hallway.

She closed her eyes, pleading that it didn’t disturb the sleeping children before her in their bassinets. But to no avail, their daughter wailed from being woken up by the noise. Well, the quiet was nice while it lasted, she thought, sighing deeply with defeat. It was only a matter of time before their baby daughter's cries would wake up their son too.

Bill grimaced with regret and apologized to Alma on Echo’s behalf. He didn’t think about the ball being so noisy when he bought it. “Uhm, Echo, go ahead and change to your pj's.” He said to her so that he could help Alma with the babies.

“I told you! Luxe is loud!” She said, cupping her ears before jogging to her bedroom.

“That’s Vida, honey.” He said, quickly putting the boxes of pizza on the kitchen counter to assist Alma. “She still gets them mixed up?”

Bill picked up his son, and he was quick to settle. Since Luxe was born, they always called him a lazy boy, but now they have begun to call him a much more affectionate nickname, Lucky. He just liked to sleep, eat, and giggle. His twin sister, on the other hand, was more active. Vida was born with her eyes wide open, as if she didn’t want to miss a thing from the very start.

Luxe Gunnar and Vida Wilde were close to six months old, and now their family was complete. Though they only tried for one, two was a shock, but they couldn’t have been happier once they arrived. Echo finally joined them again in a princess nightgown and sat next to her father, who was effortlessly holding both babies now while Alma made them bottles.

“Don’t you see who’s crying?” He asked Echo.

“Vida.” She giggled.

“You always blame your brother. Why?”

Echo remained quiet, but she had a disapproving look in her eyes as she peered at her little brother. He was as chill as ever; her attitude towards him was unwarranted.

“Because he’s a boy?” Alma suspected, passing the bottles to Bill. He mastered being able to hold them both, turning his wrists in, and able to feed them both simultaneously.

“No…” Echo looked away, feeling caught.

“Mhmm,” Bill said. “Papa’s a boy; you like me, right?” Echo nodded. “Well, Luxe loves you, E’.”

“I love Vida.” She replied, completely unaccepting.

“You have to love both, baby.” Alma bit her lip, amused at her daughter's favoritism, but she hoped she’d get over that quickly. “V’ loves you, and Lucky loves you.” She kissed her daughter on the head. “What’d you do today?”

“I went to the club with, Papa.”

“Oh, really now?” Alma approached Bill and gave him a pointed stare before grabbing Luxe. They were both amused that, that kind of statement could come from a four-year-old. At least she only knew the place as “the club” and not its real name.

“Just say, Papa’s job, baby,” he told Echo. “I was going to tell you.” He said to Alma, lightly chuckling while bottle-feeding his youngest daughter.

“I already knew. You wouldn’t wear dress pants to the park.” She winked.

The family settled in, with both parents holding a baby while they ate pizza in the living room that evening. They discussed what to bring to Bianca’s Sunday dinner when they finished up. Bill told her about his day out with Echo, and suddenly they realized all the children were quiet. They had all fallen asleep. Silently, but efficiently, they got all the sleeping children into their bedrooms down the hall. Echo now slept in the guest room on a king-sized bed with frilly pink princess bedding, while her twin siblings shared her old nursery. They left the curtains open in both rooms to let the red neon light of the marquee across the block illuminate their rooms, acting as a nightlight for them.

Bill was finally able to dress down into gray sweatpants, and while carefully going down the wrought iron spiral stairs, he saw Alma digging through Echo’s backpack.

“Anything I could use in there?” He lightly laughed. Two months ago, they found a pocket knife and a plastic disposable lighter in her bag, and since then, they checked it periodically.

“I feel like such a fucking cop.” She said with disgust, zipping the bag closed. “Just a cocktail napkin from Trigger Finger.” Bill plucked the black, silver logo-printed napkin from her hand and balled it up.

Bill and Alma settled on the couch together. He pulled her to lay on top of him while he laid back, and they both heavily sighed, grateful to have a moment together. For how long they weren’t sure, but they would cherish every second while they could.

“You didn’t kiss me when you got home.”

“I didn’t?”

“That’s fucked up.” She said with a playful smirk.

“A lot was going on when I walked in.” He defended himself.

Their lips met then, and their kiss of hello turned into a deeper one, full of desire. His hand ran through her damp hair, and then he felt her hand on his crotch. Suddenly, she pulled the waistband on the sweatpants, and her hand went down it.

“Right now?”

She paused the kisses she left on his stubbly neck. Her eyes were intense when she met his. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re being a dad.”

“Oh.” He said with a raised brow before her lips feverishly met his again. She moaned when she felt him begin to stiffen in her hand.

“Let’s do it on the balcony.” She suggested climbing off him and pulling off the boxer briefs she was wearing. She knew Bill didn’t find it particularly sexy when taking those off of her.

“Yeah?”

“We can be loud out there.” She smiled deviously.

Before they could enjoy themselves without restriction, they still had to tiptoe up the back staircase and bring along the baby monitor.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Alma.” Bill let out a breathy laugh while they sat on a large outdoor lounge chaise underneath a blanket on the balcony.

Alma sat in his lap, a sheen of sweat on her warm skin, and laughed against his lips. They were still buzzing in post-coital bliss.

“Just one more.” He pecked her lips. “One more baby.”

“You’re fucking insane!” She laughed in disbelief. “I knew you were a sick fuck.”

“But we’re so fucking good at doing it.” He chuckled. “And you look so beautiful pregnant.”

Alma paused and ran her thumb across his brow as he looked at her, hoping she’d say yes. “I love you.” She tilted his head down to kiss his damp forehead.

“I fucking love you.” He said, taking her left hand and glancing at her toi et moi engagement ring. A gold bezel, emerald-cut green sapphire sitting next to a pear-shaped diamond.

They had been married for a little over a year now. Last spring in Vegas. It swelled his heart, knowing she was all his—at least on paper, officially. She had given him a chance at a real family life; he never knew how badly he wanted. He accepted it all now. He felt like he was the most deserving, regardless of how hard it was to get to the point he was living in now. Even at times when they wished them away, the bad parts served their purpose. Their greatest sin was behind them, agreeing that they had only done it to preserve their lives. How little did they know that they were actually defending the lives they’d create after that? A perseverance of their love personified living, even long after they take their last breaths on this mortal coil. Maybe they would pay for their sins in the afterlife, but this worldly life on earth that Bill and Alma built together was the only life that mattered. This one was enough.

#bill skarsgard #avenue of sins #my bill writings #aos neon #aos

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