#Another Story Retelling
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This was entirely inspired by this old Silver Age comic:
Secret Origins (1986) issue #36
#the story itself was just another retelling of Hal's origin but his reaction to being found out is just too funny#âI'll bet Batman never has days like this!â#hal jordan#lanternfam#green lantern#dc comics#incorrect green lantern quotes
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The greatest problem with retellings is that they do not retell an old story. They tell an original story. Their writers just didn't want to invest and commit in original characters to tell it.
#you can't change my mind#and gain much attention from the ready love of a classic story#and they just treat another culture as their lever to achieve it (regardless of good intentions or results)#as if they are another bedtime thing instead of something representing deep roots#and they do not use like fairy-tales or fantasy for it they use ancient beliefs and ancient stories#on retellings#greek myth retellings#greek mythology retelling#retelling problems#just a little rant#just people who think they can use ancient cultures as their promotion#because they just don't wanna create books with their own imagination#and people who think that some cultures are just insignificant fantasy or esthetics and can be toyed with
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I think another reason why Andromeda is constantly sidelined and erased in favor of Medusa is bc her story goes against the âmen are causing all womenâs problemsâ and âgirls support girlsâ narrative that retellings try to push bc Andromeda mainly suffers at the hands of women, the nereids. I think Iâve even seen ppl blame the nereids cruelty on patriarchy which lol as if they werenât the ones to approach Poseidon on their own accord to punish Cassiopeia and Andromeda. Ig itâs too hard to imagine women being cruel to each other on their own rather than have men push them into doing it.
Tbf Andromeda is victimized by patriarchy (like all women back then) by being put in an arranged marriage with her uncle, but bc sheâs rescued by Perseus, a man, rather than slay queen girlboss her way out of it then that just cancels it out I suppose.
#idk just rambling#Iâve seen another that said sheâs swept up by the tides of men which like#I feel like misunderstands her story#greek mythology#ancient greek mythology#greek pantheon#perseus#andromeda#medusa#Cassiopeia#nereid#nereids#greek myth retellings#greek mythology retelling#perseus and andromeda
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The trick to writing a good story is to make sure it has at least one element that people like so much that they don't care if other elements are imperfect.
People are drawn to stories with stuff they like; they're going to like flawed stories that have those things more than they're going to like perfect stories that don't have those things. I personally love certain authors because of one thing they do well--I go to this one for character, and this one for intricate plot, and this one for immersive worldbuilding, etc.--and get confused when people complain about the other elements not being done well because that's not what I'm reading for. If one element is really well-done, I will forgive a million other storytelling sins that would make me tear apart a book I liked less. If I can give that grace to other authors, I can trust other readers to give me that same grace, if they like my stories well enough to keep reading them.
#adventures in writing#also sparked by the q#because there are so many things about that book that could be better#or that i would tear apart in another book#but because the romance is *so* well done i'm obsessed with it again#i've also noticed this as i've started posting a higher volume of stories#the well-known fairy tales are going to get more attention than the lesser-known retellings with better writing#and that's fine and i can give myself grace to just write what i want to write with as much effort as i want to put in
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2026 mark your calendars
#this is vee speaking#nobody jp would know him but thatâs okay this will simply be the beginning lmao#heâll get put in and heâll be like an a tier character bc ppl like his close to mid range brawler moveset and explosive final smash#and then he gets popular enough to be known as ichiro from smash lmao but thatâs enough#and then hypdream gets eng support and tled and it takes off and then hypmic gets the idea to make another switch game#and itâs either project miku but hypmic like iâve been asking or itâs hypdream but open world and itâs a retelling of hypmic#so you get neat side quests like the dod stories and never before told canon stories but itâs playable#*keeps yapping about stuff thatâll never happen for another hour lmao*
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Before February is over, have some brief snippet-sneak peeks at my retelling for the Four Loves challenge over at the @inklings-challenge!


In which Cinderella can see whether or not people are lying, and her stepmother is very much of the opinion that "yep no that's a curse, stay away". This causes Some Angst and conflicted family relationships.
Sadly not going to make the deadline like I'd hoped, but the full story should be finished and up soon if life permits!
#four loves fairy tale retelling challenge#inklingschallenge#Cinderella#fairy tales#fairy tale retelling#basil writes#''/Another/ Cinderella retelling?'' you may ask. ''Two years in a row?''#to which I would answer yes!#This was actually my original idea for last year#However it was quite complicated balancing all the themes and plots without overloading the story#so I ended up going with an easier to write retelling instead#Still been having some trouble making sure it all fits together right and flows smoothly#but! I really love the story and am excited to share it#hopefully that will be very soon!
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me going into the rr crit tag lately: perhaps you would be happier writing your own books
#like dont get me wrong i am so rr critical id probably get barred from seeing/speaking to him at events if i lived in america#but omg some of these critiques are like. just not born out of love for the book. or good faith discussions#it's like a 70-30 ratio of what the posters personally want to criticism that is legitimate but has been discussed to death for 5+ years no#bonus points (/sarcastic) if they say somewhere that they haven't read the books in a bit#like bro just use the anti pjo tag bec the rr crit tag is for actual critiques not to shit on percy#also my modern greek myth stories hot take is that they actually don't have to be faithful ie replicate every piece of characterization#because the authors of the 'canon' mythos vastly diverged on these anyway#it's only disingenuous and annoying if the author or the fandom claims to be a 'faithful' retelling and accurate to the myths#likeee yall just hate the stories that dont give you the stuff you want#you could easily hate on epic the musical for entirely dispensing with the odyssey's themes of masculinity and guest rites etc#but people dont because odysseus being a wifeguy who's faithful to a fault is infinitely more palatable than homer's odysseus#that being said ... l/ore o/lympus is another discussion entirely lmfaoooo#fandom wank#welp sorry the tags got away from me#i just got annoyed at how this fandom's tags are unFUCKINGnavigable
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idk how to word my thoughts so sorry if this is incomprehensible but its really cool seeing sega portraying shadow as like. heroic and cool and highlighting his positive traits and making him the protagonist of an upcoming thing. after so long of just reducing him to asshole rival and even occasionally going as far as to label him (and the rest of team dark) as a villain or place him in the same category as characters like eggman. please for the love of god let sxs generations be some good shadow food
#like maybe his ways of doing things arent exactly the same as characters like sonic but hes not straight up evil either ....#actually i dont think sonic really fits the traditional idea of a hero either but thats a topic for another post i think#originally i didnt care about sonic generations remaster and i thought having shadow be a focus was a weird choice#but the second they dropped that trailer and i saw doom's eye and what shadow's stages actaully looked like i got soo excited#got even more excited when i read the description that said black doom is the main villain and we're going into shadows past again#ive always wished theyd done more with the black arms but just assumed id never see black doom again . Well here he is . somehow .#now that i actually know what theyre going for yeah i think it makes sense to place it during sonic generations#because the whole time eater thing is the perfect setup for visiting shadows whole deal again#and retelling that story in an easily accessible way for newer fans or people who dont have access to older games/consoles
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stella: *opens her mouth*
kelly: đđđ
#carly lb chicago fire#chicago fire#6x12#kelly severide#stella kidd#stellaride#LOVE that he's hooked on her every word even after coming home to tell him about a date she had with another man#just as long as she never stops talking#AND HE'S BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE SHE FIRST ARRIVED LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????#remember her retelling of their meet cute at mouch's wedding???????#LITERALLY NOTHING HAS CHANGED#he listened to her tell that story like he could hear it on repeat all night long and not get annoyed#as long he gets to hear her voice#i don't think i've seen a man SO DOWN BAD for his woman like this in so long#he is ON ANOTHER LEVEEEELLL I'M TELLING YOU
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thinking about kyane. how she must have known there was no way she would be powerful enough to stop hades but she stood up to him anyway. how even though she wept until sheâd lost her mouth her hands and become nothing but water itself she still found a way to warn demeter something terrible had happened. how sheâs never remembered in the retellings because sheâd ruin their obsession with stripping demeter and persephoneâs story of its meaning. how even though she was just a naiad she stood up to the king of the dead and told him he couldnât take her friend.
#idk i think maybe#if the people making these retellings READ the original stories#they yap about so much#theyâd understand why people think itâs fucking weird#bc itâs one thing to make hades/persephone romantic#which i donât rlly like but i can mark as whatever#itâs another to insist upon either degrading or removing entirely every other woman from the original narrative#idk#im just really tired of retellings that arenât retellings#youâre not even pretending to interact w the original myth#this is a âvaguely inspired by mostly on an aesthetic levelâ#at best#and âfeministâ is slapped on bc itâs being treated as a buzzword#itâs just there to get more sales#none of it ever fucking interacts w feminist concepts#except on the most surface level#babyâs first ass feminism#anyway. yeah.#thereâs not many sources on kyane#or. cyane depending on your persuasion#kyane#demeter#anti hades#persephone#hades stinks#STINKY !!!
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We have passed the threshold for Hades and Persephone retellings, unless she stabs Hades in his sleep I don't care. Even if they're gay just. Enough idgaf, like Demeter should've killed him
#reading a synopsis for a book by an author and I was like...this is a hades and Persephone retelling isn't it#like ENOUGH I'M TIRED#pick another greek or roman story#random
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Late sunday doodles
#yeah i wasn't lying when i said there'd be more of these#yall there are four character slots i could go crazy with this#RAmarl is not great in upper difficulties according to the internet (TM) which means i *will* have another character eventually#it also said its best not to run RAmarl if another person in your party is running a force but I'm opting to ignore that for now#the allure of a character that does ~pretty okay~ in all areas is too appealing#re-uploaded to remove the rambles of a very bitter duck#i woke up this morning and didn't feel good about the story i shared so i took it down#two negative posts back to back is no bueno for the soul#may retell later when it's less fresh on the brain#phantasy star online
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I think a problem with a lot of modern fairy tale retellings and remakes is that the writer(s) will see a shallow romance, and decide that the best way to fix it is to just remove the romance entirely.
The problem is, if you cut out the central relationship arc from a story, you also risk losing the emotional core. It's possible to create a new emotional core by adding or fleshing out a different relationship arc (such as a familial relationship or a friendship) -
But sometimes the best solution is actually to write a better romance.
#also sometimes the romance wasn't shallow in the first place and the writer just hasn't really looked closely at the story they're retelling#but that's another conversation#analysis
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Loving Memory: A Retelling of East of the Sun, West of the Moon
The woman striding across the ballroom floor takes my breath away. She is perfection in human form--regal and statuesque, with hair like a raven's wing, skin like a fresh fall of snow, and ice-blue eyes that can captivate a man's heart.
And the gown! It makes her beauty seem almost divine. It shimmers and swirls like rivers of gold, making the icy-white marble of the floor and walls glow with the light of the sun that has not shone here for a month of days. I nearly fall to my knees, but I am a prince--soon to be a king--so I merely bow over her hand, lead her into the dance, and thank heaven for our impending marriage. Jorunn knows I do not love her, but at moments like these, I have no doubt that I shall.
We whirl through the dancers, the lords and ladies assembled for our upcoming wedding, all of them flawless in form, wearing suits and gowns of impossible beauty--a rainbow of velvets and silks, gold and jewels. My betrothed outshines them all. I feel clumsy and common in comparison, and marvel yet again that I am deemed worthy to join--and soon rule--this court.
When the dance ends, I bring Jorunn to the refreshment table, where we take glasses of sweet blue punch.
"You should drink your tonic, darling," Jorunn says, removing a small silver flask from a pocket in her skirt.
"Must I?" I ask, glancing to the watching crowd. I usually take the tonic before bed, in private. I don't relish my future subjects knowing that their king is an invalid.
"You must have your strength tonight," she says, pouring what looks like a double dose into my punch. The icy blue liquid turns a murky amber.
I down the drink in one gulp, cringing as the bitter aroma fills my head. I swear I can feel it coursing through my limbs. They feel heavier than they had a moment before. My head feels murkier.
It passes in a moment, and once again I'm overjoyed to be here, with her, in this impossibly beautiful realm.
I kiss Jorunn's cheek and thank her for her watchfulness. I feel as if I could dance all night.
The music starts up--an enticing melody of flutes and strings--but just as I pull Jorunn into the dance, a commotion starts at the other edge of the crowd. The music stops, and the crowd parts to reveal...something...crossing the floor. Some kind of animal has entered the ballroom--smaller than a bear, larger than a dog, with patches of fur in every shade of white and black and brown.
As it comes nearer, I see that it walks upright on two legs--two human legs, with two small, white human hands poking out from the folds of the fur.
"What is it?" I ask Jorunn. "Who let it into the ballroom?"
"I did," Jorunn says. "She is my invited guest."
I bow my head in embarrassment. "I'm...certain she's quite charming."
Jorunn pushes my shoulder, gently urging me toward the girl. "Dance with her, Eirik."
"I?" I yelp. How could a prince--a future king--demean himself by dancing with such a creature before all his subjects. "Why?"
Jorunn tilts her head toward me and murmurs, "Because I keep my promises. This girl is the one who gifted me this dress, and in return all she asked was a dance with you."
"A strange boon to demand from a woman about to be married," I say. Stranger still that Jorunn granted it.
"We aren't wed yet," Jorunn says playfully. "I can't keep you all to myself, no matter how much I may wish to." She urges me toward the girl. "Go on, my love. It's not too much to ask."
Despite myself, I feel a pang of pity for the creature. She gave away a dress fit for a queen and had to appear in this ballroom in a bundle of furs. Such unselfishness merits a few minutes of kindness. "For your sake, my dear," I say, bowing over Jorunn's hand. "And for hers. I assure you I'll take no joy in it."
Jorunn smiles. "I've no worries on that account."
#
Fighting a feeling of revulsion, I approach the girl, bow, and offer my hand. "Might I have this dance?"
The girl--she barely reaches my shoulder--looks up at me. A white face appears from within the furry hood--a pointed chin, high cheekbones, a determined mouth, and defiant green eyes.
The woman faintly smiles, and my heart stops. In this palace of perfection, she seems so real. Not ice and gold and glamour, but sun and earth and, oh, a million ordinary, beautiful things I haven't thought about since I came to this place.
"Who are you?" I gasp, the words slipping out before I can think.
Her eyes go wide--confused and dismayed. She throws back her hood, revealing yellow hair. Not golden or raven or mahogany or any of the awe-inspiring shades that make the people of this realm so beautiful. Just yellow. But it is braided into a crown about her head that suits her better than any jewels.
Those green eyes meet mine. "You know me," she says.
I stare into those eyes, which seem to hold something I haven't known I've lost. If I know this girl, I can't remember her. My past before this palace is a murky haze--standing in such brightness makes everything else seem dim.
I shake away the threads of memory before I go mad from trying to grasp them. "Forgive me," I say, "but if we've met, I can't recall."
I signal to the musicians to start the music, and I sweep the fur-clad maiden into a waltz. She is silent as we dance, gazing up at my face as if trying to memorize me.
I say, trying to be kind, "That's a wondrous cloak you wear. I've never seen its like."
It's not a lie. It seems to be made of the skin of every beast there ever was. I see white fur, black fur, brown fur, some solid, some speckled, some striped, all stitched together in a haphazard pattern, as though someone was desperate to make use of every scrap.
The woman looks down. "It is all I had left to me, after..."
I kindly wait for her to speak.
"I've had a great loss," she finally says. "I have searched ever since to find you."
"If there is anything I can do for you," I say, "you need only ask. You have done a great service for my bride."
The girl stumbles.
I catch her and help her upright. "I am sorry. Did I trip you?"
"No," she gasps, grasping her side. As we slide into the dance again, she looks up into my face. "Do you truly not know me?"
"I wish I could say otherwise," I say, and I mean it with all my heart. There is something about this girl that makes the world seem larger than I realized. "Perhaps if you told me your name?"
She shakes her head. "I can't. Even if I could, what good would my name do if you've already forgotten my face?" She bows her head with a strangled noise, and I see tears streaming from her eyes. "I spent so many months imagining this moment. I hoped you'd be overjoyed to see me. I was afraid you'd hate me. But I never imagined...this. That I meant so little to you that you've already forgotten me."
"There is much I have forgotten," I say, before I can remember that none are supposed to know of my affliction. "This place, it...dazzles the mind. There are many things I wish I could recall about the world beyond this realm. If I knew you there, I am certain you were well worth remembering, and it pains me to say that I do not. But whatever we had before, I am glad to know you now."
She wipes her face against the fur on her sleeve. When she looks up at me, her eyes hold something like hope. "Do you think--"
The music slows to a stop, and before we can finish the step, Jorunn steps between me and the girl. She places one hand on the girl's chest and pushes her away. "You've had your dance," she says. "Now trouble us no more."
The girl steps away, but she takes a hesitant glance back at me.
I smile gently. "Thank you for the dance. I will remember your face next time."
Those words put a determination into her gaze that seems instantly to dry her tears. "I will see you again," she says and disappears into the crowd.
For the rest of the night, I dance with the queen of the realm at the top of the world, a peerless beauty with the radiance of the sun who lays a kingdom at my feet. But my thoughts are on a girl with green eyes, wearing a coat made of all kinds of fur.
#
At the next night's ball, Jorunn wears a sleek gown that gleams with the silver radiance of the moon. It makes her seem ethereal, a woman of wondrous mystery. But she is not the mystery I find myself pondering.
"You seem distracted tonight, Eirik," she says. "Have you taken your tonic?"
Upon my denial, she pours a dose into my punch glass. After one swallow, my racing thoughts begin to slow. What does that strange girl matter? I can be happy here, with this incomparable queen at my side.
A commotion begins on the other side of the ballroom, and the many-furred girl appears among the crowd. I take a hasty swallow of the tonic, but set down the punch glass while it's still half-full.
I look to Jorunn, whose eyes are narrowed toward the girl. "Another dance in exchange for tonight's dress?" I ask.
"Two," Jorunn says. "She drives a hard bargain."
I squeeze her hand. I know my duty with this marriage. She has no need to be jealous. "I will do what I must," I say. "We must keep our promises."
I smile as I approach the girl. She smiles in response, and it makes her more radiant than Jorunn's dress. Again, I am struck by how real she is, practical and solid in a world of wisps and dreams.
"You returned," I say, as I whisk her into a waltz.
"I said I would," she replies.
"I'm glad to know you keep your promises."
She winces, and tears spring to her eyes.
"Forgive me," I say. "I don't wish to cause pain."
"No," she says, shaking her head and wiping her tears into a furred sleeve. "It is no more than I deserve."
"You have broken promises?" It seems cruel to ask, but I think she might welcome the question. It could shed some light on the past that she wants me to remember.
"Only one," she says. "But it destroyed everything."
I remember what she said about her cloak last night. It was all that was left to me. I have suffered a great loss.
"We all break promises sometimes," I say, trying to soothe her.
"Not like mine," she insists. "I did the one thing I was asked not to do. I betrayed the man I loved, and now he is lost to me."
"And he is why you have sought me out? You think I can convince him to forgive you?"
She looks into my face for a long, long moment, step after step, turn after turn. "I don't think," she says at last, "that he knows there is anything to forgive. And that's the worst thing of all."
How can this man be lost to her if he doesn't know she betrayed him? Has she run from her failure, rather than face disgrace?
I know well the temptation to hide from dishonor. Don't I hide my own affliction? This girl has no kingdom to run, but she still has pride to protect.
"Tell him," I say.
Tears flow freely down her cheeks. "I can't."
"I can help you."
"You can't!" she says, dropping my hand. She buries her face in her sleeve. "I don't know why I came."
I place a hand on her shoulder, and fight the strangest urge to turn it into an embrace. "Forgive me," I say. "You come to me for help, and I only cause you pain."
She wipes her face and swallows down a sob. "It's not your fault," she says. "Here I am, wasting our dance by crying."
The song fades to a close. "I still owe you another." I find myself panicked at the thought she won't take it.
"You do," she says, with a wet little laugh. My heart leaps at the sound of it. "Will you give me a chance to compose myself?"
"Take all the time you need," I say, leading her to a seat by a towering window that looks out upon the vast snow plains and a gorgeous spectacle of northern lights. She sits in the soft wing-backed chair and looks out the window, while I stand behind her leaning over the headrest. Despite knowing Jorunn for months, I have yet to have a moment with her that feels this...comfortable.
In the blue-black night, ribbons of violet, blue and green dance and flicker across the sky. The girl snuggles into her robe and gazes upon them with wonder.
"Have you ever seen such lights?" I ask. No matter how many times I see them, they never lose their appeal.
"Many times," she says. "Perhaps not quite this beautiful. Though they are lovely when seen from outside." She lays her head contentedly on her arm rest, using her furs as a pillow.
Her phrasing surprises me. "Do you often travel at night?"
"Night after night after night," she says. "Day after day after day. I never stopped. I climbed mountains, crossed rivers, rode the backs of all four winds."
"To find me," I say. "To find the man you love."
She startled and sits up, looking me straight in the eye. "Yes," she breathes, quivering with excitement.
"I wish I knew how to help you," I say. "You must love him very much."
Her shoulders sink. She sighs. "More than you may ever know."
"I only pray my wife and I can know such love."
She examines me closely. "You mean the princess. Do you mean to say you don't love her?"
It seems improper to speak of such things, and yet I find myself able to tell this girl things I couldn't tell anyone else. Why should I speak less than the truth? "Ours is a political match," I say. "I find her beautiful. I respect her strength. I appreciate her care for me. Love can come with time."
"What would she need to do to make you love her? What would you want in a wife?"
Someone who can come into a ballroom clad in furs and not feel shame. Someone who knows how to laugh and cry. Someone who loves to watch the northern lights. Someone who travels night and day to apologize to a man she betrayed.
In the end, I choose the diplomatic answer. "I don't know that I can ask for more than what I already have."
#
The girl is quieter during our second dance, carefully content. Her tears are stored away and she will not risk letting them out again.
Now that I'm not distracted by the mystery of her identity, or my lack of memory, or her sorrow over her lost love, I am able to focus on the dance itself, and I find that she is a marvelous dancer. Not so supernaturally graceful as Jorunn, but surprisingly easy to dance with, especially considering that she is wrapped in furs. The woman follows at my every touch, stepping smoothly through turns, patiently waiting if I stumble. I don't stumble often. My limbs feel lighter tonight, my head clearer--strange, given that I've had only half a dose of tonic.
"How did you come to have such wondrous dresses," I ask, "when you have only furs to wear yourself?" The question that had been easy to dismiss last night now seems impossible to ignore.
"You meet lots of strange people when you travel the world," she says with a smile. "They were gifts from some of the most marvelous old women I've ever met. Of course, I've had no occasion to wear them."
"A royal ball is not reason enough?"
"Not if I can't get inside. I'd rather have the dance than the dress."
A dance with me, worth more than a gown of celestial wonders? All for the chance I could help her reconcile with her lost love?
"I am sorry to have been such a disappointment."
"You're not that," she insists. "It's been wonderful just to see you."
"Worth a trip around the world and two wondrous dresses?"
"Not quite," she admits with a smile. "But enough for now. There's still time."
The music slows and falls silent. I bow her out of the dance. "Not for us, I'm afraid. I can give you no more dances."
"Tomorrow, then," she says, smiling over her shoulder as she disappears into the crowd.
Something about her glance--the twist of her hair, the angle of her head--sparks what might be a memory in my mind. Those green eyes flashing. That mouth open in a laugh. White flakes flashing around her as she runs through the snow, while I follow her--strangely--on all fours.
I cannot explain the memory or remember her name. But I do know, whatever her name is, or whatever she was to me, that somewhere in the past, in some way, I have loved her.
#
The next evening, the last night before our wedding, Jorunn wears a deep blue dress that shimmers with the light of the stars themselves. It is breathtakingly beautiful, but coldly, distantly so--like the woman who wears it. She doesn't smile like the girl with the furs. She doesn't converse while we dance--we can't think of anything to speak of. I can think of no part of my heart I could share with her as I did with the girl last night. I wonder how I thought I could ever grow to love her.
Tonight, Jorunn's offer of the tonic seems, not considerate, but overbearing. Last night I had only half a dose, and I felt better than ever. After Jorunn pours a dose into my punch, I barely sip at it, and when her back is turned, I dump the rest into a potted plant. There will be no more dances after our wedding tomorrow. If I'm to help the girl find her lost love, I want my mind to be as clear as possible.
The glance Jorunn gives the strange girl as she enters the dining room is cold enough to freeze. The girl doesn't seem to feel it through her furs. When Jorunn hands me off, her behavior toward the girl is sullen and hostile.
The girl smiles and curtsies. "The dress is stunning on you, majesty."
"It ought to be, for what it cost me." Jorunn starts to stride away, but then turns around and levels a fierce finger toward the girl. "Not a moment past the stroke of midnight."
The girl bows her head. "I know the bargain."
"Until midnight?" I ask, as I lead the girl into a dance.
The girl smiles. "For tonight, at least, I have you all to myself."
We dance a few dances, while the girl asks me on occasion if I remember anything about my life before. I have flashes of images that might be memories, but nothing that will help the girl in her search. After a while, the girl grows warm in her furs, and we leave the ballroom for the cold quiet of the balcony.
Together, we gaze at the stars and across the vast plains of snow. I remember seeing her like this, on a sunlit balcony in a faraway palace. I wanted to kiss her then, but I couldn't. Probably because she loved another. Just as I am promised to another now.
"Please," I ask in a low whisper. "Can't you tell me your name?"
She shakes her head with tears in her eyes. "Please stop asking. If you don't know it on your own, I can't tell you."
"Why not?"
"It is part of the bargain."
Does Jorunn know who this girl is? "The queen isn't here."
The girl squeezes her eyes shut against some memory. "I have seen the consequences of breaking promises to her. I will not risk it again."
It destroyed everything.
"Your lost love?" I ask.
She nods.
How could that great queen separate this woman from the man she so faithfully loves? What role could Jorunn possibly have in this spat between lovers?
We start down a staircase that leads to a stone path through the snow around the palace. The light from the ballroom windows pours out over us, shining on the girl's furs. The cloak I wear is mostly decorative, and I find myself wishing for furs of my own.
I wore a coat of white fur, thicker than thick.
The flash of memory has no bearing on the mystery I'm trying to solve.
I ask the girl, "If Jorunn knows of your lost love, why do you come to me for help? Why do you not ask her?"
"Allowing me to speak to you is all the help she is willing to give."
I do not begin to understand the complicated politics of this realm. When I am king, I will have to learn, but I will rely on Jorunn for a long while.
"After our wedding, perhaps, I can ask her to help..."
"After the wedding, it will be too late!" She storms down the path. "You'll be married to a woman you don't love! She'll have trapped you forever!"
I try to soothe her. "She won't be able to stop me from speaking to you."
She throws her hands in the air. "You don't understand! You'll never understand!" She is sobbing now. "It was hopeless from the beginning! You can't see the truth about her, or me, and I've no way to tell you! I've doomed us all! I don't deserve redemption, or mercy, or even compassion! I'm the faithless wife who threw away love!"
As she speaks the last words, something flies off her hand, flashing golden as it spirals into the snow. The girl flees down the path, silently sobbing.
I dive for the divot in the snow where the item fell. I pull out a small golden ring set with amethysts and emeralds and ice blue diamonds--the northern lights captured in stone. The ring glitters on my palm, round and flawless. I remember its every facet.
By the One who made the sky and stone, I pledge my heart and soul to you.
Clutching the ring, I race after her and call out, "Karina!"
#
I stood outside a cottage, trapped in the form of a white bear. The girl with a crown of yellow hair faced me fearlessly and agreed to be my bride, sliding the golden ring upon her left hand.
#
Short sunlit days on a beautiful tundra. She would ride on my back for hours, laughing for sheer joy as we raced across the snowy fields.
#
For nearly a year, she shared my bed. I was man by night and bear by day. She was forbidden to see my face and did not mind.
#
A year and a day, and the curse would be broken. Eleven months after our wedding, I woke to hot wax dripping on my shirt, from a candle she held over my face.
#
The palace dissolved into dust, and the troll queen arrived to claim her lawful prize. My wife screamed my name as I disappeared into a whirlwind of magic and snow.
#
In the shadows and snowbanks far from the palace, I grip Karina's shoulders and gaze deep into her familiar, beloved face. "Karina," I breathe. "I remember."
"Everything?" she asks, as tears stream down her face.
"Everything," I say, and kiss her senseless.
#
Karina and I sit huddled together beneath her coat of furs. I have told her of my months of imprisonment, of the magical tonic the troll queen forced upon me until I thought myself a willing captive. Karina has told me of the harrowing journey she has taken--the three dresses she received from three magical women, the way she rode the backs of all four winds to find me. If there was ever anything to forgive her for, the devotion she has shown in finding me more than absolves her.
I kiss her again as she finishes her tale, finding joy in finding her so real, in knowing my own mind and knowing her.
My own.
My beloved.
My wife.
It is like falling in love all over again.
"I'm so sorry," Karina says again. "I should never have listened to mother. If I hadn't burned that hateful candle--"
I silence her with another kiss. "If you hadn't betrayed me, I wouldn't have this moment. Meeting my wife all over again." I press her to my heart. "I could have no greater joy."
"But you're getting married tomorrow," Karina says. "By the terms of the curse, you must wed Jorunn."
"Trust me," I say, "and all will be well. So long as you will let me borrow your wedding ring."
#
In the bright light of midday, the ballroom has become a wedding chapel, filled nearly to bursting with lords and ladies and lesser subjects. I now know them for what they are--trolls whose perfect human appearances are nothing but glamours over huge, thick, ugly faces. My would-be wife is ugliest of all, her cruelty coming out upon her in black boils upon her snow-white face and long, pointed nose. The glamour hides her face for now, but it cannot hide the malicious triumph as she gazes upon me--her pet and prize. Her wedding to me will give her dominion over a human realm, and allow her kind to wreak havoc across the world of ordinary men.
She wears the golden sunlight gown, but in daylight, it seems dim and colorless. Even her flawless glamoured face is ugly when I compare her to my ordinary, beloved Karina. My wife is somewhere in the crowd, I know. She has promised to be here, and I trust her to keep her promises.
I do my best to play the magic-addled prince as the highest-ranking of the lords reads aloud their marriage ceremony--endless lists of the glories this alliance will bring to our two realms.
At last, the high lord cries out, merely for form's sake, "Is there any impediment to the marriage between this man and woman?"
"Only one," I shout, stepping away from Jorunn.
Jorunn's expression is black. I can almost see the troll's face beneath the glamour. "Eirik, what is this?"
"Under the laws of troll-kind," I tell the crowd, "Queen Jorunn can wed me if she keeps me here for a year and a day. But there is another law--as would-be husband to the queen, I have a right to set a standard for my bride. If she fails to meet it, all bond between us comes to an end." I stride across the dais to stare into Jorunn's black eyes. "All bonds," I say. "Matrimonial, moral, and magical. Isn't that right?"
Jorunn seems a heartbeat away from tearing out and eating my eyeballs, so I turn to the lord performing the marriage rite. "Isn't that right?"
The troll lord blinks at me. His human form looks like a jittery old man. "That is... technically correct," he says. "But I don't believe this is the right time."
"There is no better time!" I say. "The very last moment when I can see if she is worthy to be my bride."
Jorunn is proud, regal, icy. She steps toward me. "What is your challenge?" she demands. "Make it anything, and I will meet it."
No doubt she thinks she can. I have seen what her magic can do. If I set an enormous challenge--moving a mountain, emptying a sea--she will accomplish it easily. Fortunately, the challenge I plan is impossibly small.
"In the human realm," I say, "we marry under another law--older and more sacred. This marriage rite is bound by the words of a man and woman, and symbolized in the exchange of a pair of rings." I brandish the Karina's ring and hold it high. "By that law, my lawful wife is the one who fits this ring, and I can wed no other."
I search the room for Karina, but I can see her nowhere in the teeming, agitated crowd.
Jorunn stride toward me and snatches the ring from my hand. "Is that all?" she sneers. "Any woman can do that."
Her glamour has fooled even herself. She has forgotten that her hands only appear slender. Trolls can change the forms of others--into a white bear, for instance--even addle the minds of others into believing in changes that aren't real, but their own bodies are impervious to magic. Any alterations to themselves are mere glamours. Beneath her glamoured image, Jorunn's hands are as thick and blocky as any troll's.
Jorunn is unable to slip the ring onto so much as a fingertip.
In rage, she throws the ring onto the floor. It bounces down the stairs and lays flat at their base. "A trick!" she cries. "He has set an unfair challenge! Find me a woman who can fit that ring, or else the challenge is void!"
In the snowy plains outside, I hear the wind building in strength--a whistle, a howl, and at last a roar that bursts open the wide doors of the ballroom. The wind blows the crowd of trolls toward the walls and down to the floor, leaving an open path down which a tiny, yellow-haired girl, clad in a cloak made of every kind of fur, strides fearlessly toward the dais.
I climb down the stairs, pick up the ring, and go down on one knee to offer it to Karina. This time, I can do it with human hands.
"My lady," I say, gazing up into her smiling eyes. "Will you take this ring?"
I slide it upon the fourth finger of her left hand. It fits perfectly.
I kiss her in triumph as Jorunn roars with rage.
Her roar is soon drowned out by the roar of a wind that surrounds me and Karina, lifts us into the air, and carries out the ballroom doors. Soon, we are soaring over snow-covered plains, and before I can fully understand that I am free, the pointed towers of the troll's icy palace have disappeared from sight.
Karina lays on her stomach, the pale blue currents of wind keeping her aloft. She helps me to do the same. While I marvel at this miraculous wind, she is perfectly at ease, and I realize she has done this. My ordinary, unmagical, entirely human wife has saved me.
"Eirik," Karina says, "I would like to introduce you to an old friend of mine."
#
The North Wind takes us far beyond the tundra where I lived with Karina as a white bear, beyond even the cottage where she lived with her parents, and to a castle in a rocky mountain range that I remember from my boyhood. As the wind sets us upright on the ground before the main doors, I laugh for joy.
"Am I...?" I ask, barely able to believe that I'm standing in this place, where I can recognize every rock and flower that emerges from the melting snow of the springtime ground.
The North Wind now looks like a man--huge and old, with an impossibly large beard. "Prince Eirik," he says, "I have brought you and your bride to the lands of your family."
The full understanding of my freedom comes upon me. Not only am reunited with my bride, not only am I free of enchantment, but I am home, able to move about in the ordinary world like any ordinary man. After so many years of magic, I can think of nothing more wondrous.
I sweep Karina up in my arms and point her gaze toward the door. "Come, my love," I say. "I've waited a very long time to take you home."
#the bookshelf progresses#fairy tale retellings#east of the sun west of the moon#i wanted very desperately to write another fairy tale retelling for new year's eve and i barely made it#forgive the inevitable horrendous mistakes for i've no time to edit#for those who've been following along this is *not* the version of east of the sun west of the moon#that would live up to my idea of the traditional fairy tale#that's an entirely different story#this is a mashup i came up with yesterday and wrote in a frenzy today#and i came up with a title in like ten seconds so please forgive the cringe
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gotta be honest y'all I'm not sure how I can pitch this new story idea without it sounding kind of nuts
#so i'm writing a bunch of space fantasy retellings of ballets right#and I also just saw the alice in wonderland ballet live right#(which was AWESOME btw but that's another post)#and I've been asked before by friends if I'm going to retell this one but I'm not#but this time ... I started getting. IdeasTM#and then. there was a playlist.#and even WORSE there are drawings#it's cool! i'm excited! but saying âyeah my new story idea is a space fantasy retelling of alice in wonderlandâ is BONKERS lol#space wonderland#alice in wonderland#alice in wonderland ballet
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Twelve, Thirteen, and One
Words: 6k
Rating: G
Themes: Friendship, Self-Giving Love
(Written for the Four Loves Fairytale Retelling Challenge over at the @inklings-challenge! A Cinderella retelling feat. curious critters and a lot of friendship.)
When the clock chimes midnight on that third evening, thirteen creatures look to the girl who showed them all kindness.
â
Itâs hours after dark, again, and the human girl still sleeps in the ashes.
The mice notice thisâthough it happens so often that theyâve ceased to pay attention to her. She smells like everything else in the hearth: ashy and overworked, tinged with the faint smell of herbs from the kitchen.
When she moves or shifts in her sleep (uncomfortable sleepâeven they can sense the exhaustion in her posture as she sits slumped against the wall, more willing to seep up warmth from the stone than lie cold elsewhere this time of year), they simply scurry around her and continue combing for crumbs and seeds. Theyâd found a feast of lentils scattered about once, and many other times, the girl had beckoned them softly to her hand, where sheâd held a little chunk of brown bread.
Tonight, she has nothing. They donât mindâthough three of them still come to sniff her limp hand where it lies drooped against the side of her tattered dress.
A fourth one places a little clawed hand on the side of her finger, leaning over it to investigate her palm for any sign of food.
When she stirs, itâs to the sensation of a furry brown mouse sitting in her palm.
It can feel the flickering of her muscles as she wakesâfeeling slowly returning to her body. To her credit, she cracks her eyes open and merely observes it.
Theyâre all but tame by now. The Harsh-Mistress and the Shrieking-Girl and the Angry-Girl are to be avoided like the plague never was, but this girlâthe Cinder-Girl, they think of herâis gentle and kind.
Even as she shifts a bit and they hear the dull crack of her joints, theyâre too busy to mind. Some finding a few buried peas (there were always some peas or lentils still hidden here, if they looked carefully), some giving themselves an impromptu bath to wash off the dust. The one sitting on her hand is doing the latter, fur fluffed up as it scratches one ear and then scrubs tirelessly over its face with both paws.
One looks up from where itâs discovered a stray pea to check her expression.
A warm little smile has crept up her face, weary and dirty and sore as she seems to be. She stays very still in her awkward half-curl against stone, watching the mouse in her hand groom itself. The tender look about her far overwhelmsâmelts, evenâthe traces of tension in her tired limbs.
Very slowly, so much so that they really arenât bothered by it, she raises her spare hand and begins lightly smearing the soot away from her eyes with the back of her wrist.
The mouse in her palm gives her an odd look for the movement, but has discovered her skin is warmer than the cold stone floor or the ash around the dying fire. It pads around in a circle once, then nudges its nose against her calloused skin, settling down for a moment.
The Cinder-Girl has closed her eyes again, and drops her other hand into her lap, slumping further against the wall. Her smile has grown even warmer, if sadder.
They decide sheâs quite safe. Very friendly.
â
The old rat makes his rounds at the usual times of night, shuffling through a passage that leads from the ground all the way up to the attic.
When both gold sticks on the clocksâ moonlike faces point upward, thereâs a faint chime from the tower-clock downstairs. He used to worry that the sound would rouse the humans. Now, he ignores it and goes about his business.
Thereâs a great treasury of old straw in the attic. Itâs inside a large sackâand while this one doesnât have corn or wheat like the ones near the kitchen sometimes do, he knows how to chew it open all the same.
The girl sleeps on this sack of straw, though she doesnât seem to mind what he takes from it. Thereâs enough more of it to fill a hundred ratâs nests, so he supposes she doesnât feel the difference.
Tonight, thoughâperhaps heâs a bit too loud in his chewing and tearing. The girl sits up slowly in bed, and he stiffens, teeth still sunk into a bit of the fabric.
âOh.â says the girl. She smilesâand though the expression should seem threatening, all pulled mouth-corners and teeth, he feels the gentleness in her posture and wonders at novel thoughts of differing body languages. âHello again. Do you need more straw?â
He isnât sure what the sounds mean, but they remind him of the soft whuffles and squeaks of his siblings when they were small. Inquisitive, unafraid. Not direct or confrontational.
Sheâs seemed safe enough so farâalmost like the woman in white and silver-gold heâs seen here sometimes, marveling at his own confidence in her safenessâso he does what signals not-afraid the best to his kind. He glances her over, twitches his whiskers briefly, and goes back to what he was doing.
Some of the straw is too big and rough, some too small and fine. He scratches a bundle out into a pile so he can shuffle through it. Itâs true he doesnât need much, but the chill of winter hasnât left the world yet.
The girl laughs. The sound is soft and small. It reminds him again of young, friendly, peaceable.
âTake as much as you need,â she whispers. Her movements are unassuming when she reaches for something on the old wooden crate she uses as a bedside table. With something in hand, she leans against the wall her bed is a tunnelâs-width from, and offers him what she holds. âWould you like this?â
He peers at it in the dark, whiskers twitching. His eyesight isnât the best, so he finds himself drawing closer to sniff at what she has.
Itâs a feather. White and curled a bit, like the goose-down heâd once pulled out the corner of a spare pillow long ago. Soft and long, fluffy and warm.
He touches his nose to itâthen, with a glance upward at her softly-smiling face, takes it in his teeth.
It makes him look like he has a mustache, and is a bit too big to fit through his hole easily. The girl giggles behind him as he leaves.
â
Thereâs a human out in the gardens again. Which is strangeâthis is a place for lizards, maybe birds and certainly bugs. Not for people, in his opinion. Sheâs not dressed in venomous bright colors like the other humans often are, but neither does she stay to the manicured garden path the way they do.
She doesnât smell like unnatural rotten roses, either. A welcome change from having to dart for cover at not just the motions, but the stenches that accompany the others that appear from time to time.
This human is behind the border-shubs, beating an ornate rug that hangs over the fence with a home-tied broom. Huge clouds of dust shake from it with each hit, settling in a thin film on the leaves and grass around her.
She stops for a moment to press her palm to her forehead, then turns over her shoulder and coughs into her arm.
When she begins again, itâs with a sharp WHOP.
He jumps a bit, but only on instinct. Howeverâ
A few feet from where he settles back atop the sunning-rock, thereâs a scuffle and a sharp splash. Then thrashingâwaster swashing about with little churns and splishes.
Itâs not the way of lizards to think of doing anything when one falls into the water. There were several basins for fish and to catch water off the roof for the gardenâthey simply had to not fall into them, not drown. There was little recourse for if they did. What could another lizard do, really? Fall in after them? Best to let them try to climb out if they could.
The girl hears the splashing. She stares at the water pot for a moment.
Then, she places her broom carefully on the ground and comes closer.
Closer. His heart speeds up. He skitters to the safety of a plant with low-hanging leavesâ
âand then watches as she walks past his hiding place, peers into the basin, and reaches in.
Her hand comes up dripping wet, a very startled lizard still as a statue clinging to her fingers.
âAre you the same one I always find here?â she asks with a chiding little smile. âOr do all of you enjoy swimming?â
When she places her hand on the soft spring grass, the lizard darts off of it and into the underbrush. It doesnât go as far as it could, thoughâsomething about this girl makes both of them want to stand still and wait for what sheâll do next.
The girl just watches it go. She lets out a strange soundâa weary laugh, perhapsâand turns back to her peculiar chore.
â
A song trails through the old houseâunder the floorboardsâthrough the wallsâinto the garden, beneath the undergrowthâand lures them out of hiding.
It isnât an audible song, not like that of the birds in the summer trees or the ashen-girl murmuring beautiful sounds to herself in the lonely hours. This one was silent. Yet, it reached deep down into their souls and said come out, pleaseâthe one who helped you needs your help.
It didnât require any thought, no more than eat or sleep or run did.
In chains of silver and grey, all the mice who hear it converge, twenty-four tiny feet pattering along the wood in the walls. The rat joins them, but they are not afraid.
When they emerge from a hole out into the open air, the soft slip-slap of more feet surround them. Six lizards scurry from the bushes, some gleaming wet as if theyâd just escaped the water trough or run through the birdbath themselves.
As a strange little hoard, they approach the kind girl. Beside her is a tall woman wearing white and silver and gold.
The girlâholding a large, round pumpkinâlooks surprised to see them here. The woman is smiling.
âSet the pumpkin on the drive,â the woman says, a soft gleam in her eye. âThe rest of you, line up, please.â
Bemused, but with a heartbeat fast enough for them to notice, the girl gingerly places the pumpkin on the stone of the drive. Itâs natural for them, somehow, to followâthe mice line in pairs in front of it, the rat hops on top of it, and the lizards all stand beside.
âWhat are they doing?â asks the girlâand thereâs curiosity and gingerness in her tone, like she doesnât believe such a sight is wrong, but is worried it might be.
The older woman laughs kindly, and a feeling like blinking hard comes over the world.
Itâs thenâthen, in that flash of darkness that turns to dazzling light, that something about them changes.
âOh!â exclaims the girl, and they open their eyes. âOh! Theyâreââ
Theyâre different.
The mice arenât mice at allâand suddenly they wonder if they ever were, or if it was an odd dream.
Theyâre horses, steel grey and sleek-haired with with silky brown manes and tails. Their harnesses are ornate and stylish, their hooves polished and dark.
Instead of a rat, thereâs a stout man in fine livery, with whiskers dark and smart as ever. He wears a fine cap with a familiar white feather, and the gleam in his eye is surprised.
âWell,â he says, examining his hands and the cuffs of his sleeves, âI suppose I wonât be wanting for adventure now.â
Instead of six lizards, six footmen stand at attention, their ivory jackets shining in the late afternoon sun.
The girl herself is different, though sheâs still humanâher hair is done up beautifully in the latest fashion, and instead of tattered grey she wears a shimmering dress of lovely pale green, inlaid with a design that only on close inspection is flowers.
âThey are under your charge, now,â says the woman in white, stepping back and folding her hands together. âIt is your responsibility to return before the clock strikes midnightâwhen that happens, the magic will be undone. Understood?â
âYes,â says the girl breathlessly. She stares at them as if sheâs been given the most priceless gift in all the world. âOh, thank you.â
â
The castle is decorated brilliantly. Flowery garlands hang from every parapet, beautiful vines sprawling against walls and over archways as they climb. Dozens of picturesque lanterns hang from the walls, ready to be lit once the sky grows dark.
âItâs been so long since Iâve seen the castle,â the girl says, standing one step out of the carriage and looking so awed she seems happy not to go any further. âFather and I used to drive by it sometimes. But it never looked so lovely as this.â
âShall we accompany you in, milady?â asks one of the footmen. Theyâre all nearly identical, though this one has freckles where he once had dark flecks in his scales.
She hesitates for only a moment, looking up at the pinnacles of the castle towers. Then, she shakes her head, and turns to look at them all with a smile like the sun.
âI think Iâll go in myself,â she says. âIâm not sure what is custom. But thank youâthank you so very much.â
And so they watch her goâstepping carefully in her radiant dress that looked lovelier than any queenâs.
Though she was not royal, it seemed there was no doubt in anyoneâs minds that she was. The guards posted at the door opened it for her without question.
With a last smile over her shoulder, she stepped inside.
â
He's straightening the horses' trappings for the fifth time when the doors to the castle open, and out hurries a figure. It takes him a moment to recognize her, garbed in rich fabrics and cloaked in shadows, but it's the girl, rushing out to the gilded carriage. A footman steps forward and offers her a hand, which she accepts gratefully as she steps up into the seat.
âEnjoyable evening, milady?â asks the coachman. His whiskers are raised above the corners of his mouth, and his twinkling eyes crinkle at the edges.
âYes, quite, thank you!â she breathes in a single huff. She smooths her dress the best she can before looking at him with some urgency. âThe clock just struck quarter tillâwill you be able to get us home?â
The gentle woman in white had said they only would remain in such states until midnight. How long was it until the middle of night? What was a quarter? Surely darkness would last for far more hours than it had alreadyâit couldnât be close. Yet it seemed as though it must be; the princesslike girl in the carriage sounded worried it would catch them at any moment.
âI will do all I can,â he promises, and with a sharp rap of the reins, theyâre off at a swift pace.
They arrive with minutes to spare. He knows this because after she helps him down from the carriage (...wait. That should have been the other way around! He makes mental note for next time: it should be him helping her down. If he can manage it. Sheâs fast), she takes one of those minutes to show him how his new pocketwatch works.
Heâs fascinated already. Thereâs a part of him that wonders if heâll remember how to tell time when heâs a rat againâor will this, all of this, be forgotten?
The woman in white is there beside the drive, and sheâs already smiling. A knowing gleam lights her eye.
âWell, how was the ball?â she asks, as Cinder-Girl turns to face her with the most elated expression. âI hear the prince is looking for fair maidens. Did he speak with you?â
The girl rushes to grasp the womanâs hands in hers, clasping them gratefully and beaming up at her.
âIt was lovely! Iâve never seen anything so lovely,â she all but gushes, her smile brighter and broader than theyâd ever seen it. âThe castle is beautiful; it feels so alive and warm. And yes, I met the Princeâalthough hush, he certainly isnât looking for meâheâs so kind. I very much enjoyed speaking with him. He asked me to dance, too; I had as wonderful a time as he seemed to. Thank you! Thank you dearly.â
The woman laughs gently. It isnât a laugh one would describe as warm, but neither is it cold in the sense some laughs can beâit's soft and beautiful, almost crystalline.
âThatâs wonderful. Now, up to bed! Youâve made it before midnight, but your sisters will be returning soon.â
âYes! Of course,â she replies eagerlyâturning to smile gratefully at coachman and stroke the nearest horses on their noses and shoulders, then curtsy to the footmen. âThank you all, very much. I could not ask for a more lovely company.â
Itâs a strange moment when all of their new hearts swell with warmth and affection for this girlâand then the world darkens and lightens so quickly they feel as though theyâve fallen asleep and woken up.
Theyâre them againâsix mice, six lizards, a rat, and a pumpkin. And a tattered gray dress.
âPlease, would you let me go again tomorrow? The ball will last three days. I had such a wonderful time.â
âCome,â the woman said simply, âand place the pumpkin beneath the bushes.â
The woman in white led the way back to the house, followed by an air-footed girl and a train of tiny critters. There was another silent song in the air, and they thought perhaps the girl could hear it too: one that said yesâbut get to bed!
â
The second evening, when the door of the house thuds shut and the hoofsteps of the familyâs carriage fade out of hearing, the rat peeks out of a hole in the kitchen corner to see the Cinder-Girl leap to her feet.
She leans close to the window and watched for more minutes than he quite understandsâor maybe he does; it was good to be sure all cats had left before coming out into the openâand then runs with a spring in her step to the back door near the kitchen.
Ever so faintly, like music, the womanâs laughter echoes faintly from outside. Drawn to it like he had been drawn to the silent song, the rat scurries back through the labyrinth of the walls.
When he hurries out onto the lawn, the mice and lizards are already there, looking up at the two humans expectantly. This time, the Cinder-Girl looks at them and smiles broadly.
âHello, all. Soâhow do you do it?â she asks the woman. Her eyes shine with eager curiosity. âI had no idea you could do such a thing. How does it work?â
The woman fixes her with a look of fond mock-sternness. âIf I were to explain to you the details of how, Iâd have to tell you why and whom, and youâd be here long enough to miss the royal ball.â She waves her hands she speaks. âAnd then youâd be very much in trouble for knowing far more than you ought.â
The rat misses the girlâs response, because the world blinks againâand now all of them once again are different. Limbs are long and slender, paws are hooves with silver shoes or feet in polished boots.
The mouse-horses mouth at their bits as they glance back at the carriage and the assortment of humans now standing by it. The footmen are dressed in deep navy this time, and the girl wears a dress as blue as the summer sky, adorned with brilliant silver stars.
âRememberââ says the woman, watching fondly as the Cinder-Girl steps into the carriage in a whorl of beautiful silk. âReturn before midnight, before the magic disappears.â
âYes, Godmother,â she calls, voice even more joyful than the previous night. âThank you!â
â
The castle is just as glorious as beforeâand the crowd within it has grown. Noblemen and women, royals and servants, and the prince himself all mill about in the grand ballroom.
Heâs unsure of the etiquette, but it seems best for her not to enter alone. Once he escorts her in, the coachman bows and watches for a momentâthe crowd is hushed again, taken by her beauty and how important they think her to beâand then returns to the carriage outside.
He isnât required in the ballroom for much of the nightâbut he tends to the horses and checks his pocketwatch studiously, everything in him wishing to be the best coachman that ever once was a rat.
Perhaps that wouldnât be hard. Heâd raise the bar, then. The best coachman that ever drove for a princess.
Because that was what she wasâor, that was what he heard dozens of hushed whispers about once sheâd entered the ball. Every noble and royal and servant saw her and deemed her a grand princess nobody knew from a land far away. The prince himself stared at her in a marveling way that indicated he thought no differently.
It was a thing more wondrous than he had practice thinking. If a mouse could become a horse or a rat could become a coachman, couldnât a kitchen-girl become a princess?
The answer was yes, it seemedâperhaps in more ways than one.
She had rushed out with surprising grace just before midnight. They took off quickly, and she kept looking back toward the castle door, as if worriedâbut she was smiling.
âDid you know the Prince is very nice?â she asks once theyâre safely home, and sheâs stepped down (drat) without help again. The woman in white stands on her same place beside the drive, and when Cinder-Girl sees her, she waves with dainty grace that clearly holds a vibrant energy and sheer thankfulness behind it. âIâve never known what it felt like to be understood. He thinks like I do.â
âHow is that?â asks the woman, quirking an amused brow. âAnd if I might ask, how do you know?â
âBecause he mentions things first.â The girl tries to smother some of the wideness of her smile, but canât quite do so. âAnd I've shared his thoughts for a long time. That he loves his father, and thinks oranges and citrons are nice for festivities especially, and that heâs always wanted to go out someday and do something new.â
â
The third evening, the clouds were dense and a few droplets of rain splattered the carriage as they arrived.
âLooks like rain, milady,â said the coachman as she disembarked to stand on water-spotted stone. âIf it doesnât blow by, weâll come for ye at the steps, if it pleases you.â
âCertainlyâthank you,â she replies, all gleaming eyes and barely-smothered smiles. How her excitement to come can increase is beyond themâbut she seems more so with each night that passes.
She has hardly turned to head for the door when a smattering of rain drizzles heavily on them all. She flinches slightly, already running her palms over the skirt of her dress to rub out the spots of water.
Her golden dress glisters even in the cloudy light, and doesnât seem to show the spots much. Still, itâs hardy an ideal thing.
âOne of you hold the parasolâquick about it, nowâand escort her inside,â the coachman says quickly. The nearest footman jumps into action, hop-reaching into the carriage and falling back down with the umbrella in hand, unfolding it as he lands. âWait about in case she needs anything.â
The parasol is small and not meant for this sort of weather, but it's enough for the moment. The pair of them dash for the door, the horses chomping and stamping behind them until theyâre driven beneath the bows of a huge tree.
The footman knows his duty the way a lizard knows to run from danger. He achieves it the same wayâby slipping off to become invisible, melting into the many people who stood against the golden walls.
From there, he watches.
Itâs so strange to see the way the prince and their princess gravitate to each other. The princeâs attention seems impossible to drag away from her, though not for manyâs lack of trying.
Likewiseâmore so than he would have thought, though perhaps heâs a bit slow in noticingâher focus is wholly on the prince for long minutes at a time.
Her attention is always divided a bit whenever she admires the interior of the castle, the many people and glamorous dresses in the crowd, the vibrant tables of food. Itâs all very new to her, and heâs not certain it doesnât show. But the Prince seems enamored by her delight in everythingâif he thinks it odd, he certainly doesnât let on.
They talk and laugh and sample fine foods and talk to other guests together, then they turn their heads toward where the musicians are starting up and smile softly when they meet each otherâs eyes. The Prince offers a hand, which is accepted and clasped gleefully.
Then, they dance.
Their motions are so smooth and light-footed that many of the crowd forgo dancing, because admiring them is more enjoyable. Theyâre in-sync, back and forth like slow ripples on a pond. They sometimes look around themâbut not often, especially compared to how long they gaze at each other with poorly-veiled, elated smiles.
The night whirls on in flares of gold tulle and maroon velvet, ivory, carnelian, and emerald silks, the crowd a nonstop blur of color.
(Color. New to him, that. Improved vision was wonderful.)
The clock strikes eleven, but thereâs still time, and heâs fairly certain he wonât be able to convince the girl to leave anytime before midnight draws near.
He was a lizard until very recently. Heâs not the best at judging time, yet. Midnight does draw near, but heâs not sure he understands how near.
The clock doesnât quite say up-up. So he still has time. When the rain drums ceaselessly outside, he darts out and runs in a well-practiced way to find their carriage.
â
Another of the footmen comes in quickly, having been sent in a rush by the coachman, who had tried to keep his pocketwatch dry just a bit too long. Heâs soaking wet from the downpour when he steps close enough to get her attention.
She sees him, notices this, andâwith a glimmer of recognition and amusement in her eyesâlaughs softly into her hand.
ONEâTWOâ the clock starts. His heart speeds up terribly, and his skin feels cold. He suddenly craves a sunny rock.
âUm,â he begins awkwardly. Lizards didnât have much in the way of a vocal language. He bows quickly, and water drips off his face and hat and onto the floor. âThe chimes, milady.â
THREEâFOURâ
Perhaps she thought it was only eleven. Her face pales. âOh.â
FIVEâSIXâ
Like a deer, she leaps from the princeâs side and only manages a stumbling, backward stride as she curtsies in an attempt at a polite goodbye.
âThank you, I must goââ she says, and then sheâs racing alongside the footman as fast as they both can go. The crowd parts for them just enough, amidst loud murmurs of surprise.
SEVENâEIGHTâ
âWait!â calls the prince, but they donât. Which hopefully isnât grounds for arrest, the footman idly thinks.
They burst through the door and out into the open air.
NINEâTENâ
It has been storming. The rain is crashing down in torrentsâthe walkways and steps are flooded with a firm rush of water.
She steps in a crevice she couldnât see, the water washes over her feet, and she stumbles, slipping right out of one shoe. Thereâs noise at the door behind them, so she doesnât stop or even hesitate. She runs at a hobble and all but dives through the open carriage door. The awaiting footman quickly closes it, and theyâre all grasping quickly to their riding-places at the corners of the vehicle.
ELEVENâ
A flash of lightning coats the horses in white, despite the dark water thatâs soaked into their coats, and with a crack of the rains and thunder they take off at a swift run.
Thereâs shouting behind themâthe princeâas people run out and call to the departing princess.
TWELVE.
Mist swallows them up, so thick they canât hear or see the castle, but the horses know the way.
The castleâs clock tower must have been ever-so-slightly fast. (Does magic tell truer time?) Their escape works for a few thundering strides down the invisible, cloud-drenched roadâuntil true midnight strikes a few moments later.
â
She walks home in the rain and fog, following a white pinprick of light she can guess the source ofâall the while carrying a hollow pumpkin full of lizards, with an apron pocket full of mice and a rat perched on her shoulder.
Itâs quite the walk.
â
The prince makes a declaration so grand that the mice do not understand it. The ratâa bit different nowâtells them most things are that way to mice, but heâs glad to explain.
The prince wants to find the girl who wore the golden slipper left on the steps, he relates. He doesnât want to ask any other to marry him, he loved her company so.
The mice think thatâs a bit silly. Concerning, even. What if he does find her? There wonât be anyone to secretly leave seeds in the ashes or sneak them bread crusts when no humans are looking.
The rat thinks theyâre being silly and that theyâve become too dependent on handouts. Back in his day, rodents worked for their food. Chewing open a bag of seed was an honest dayâs work for its wages.
Besides, he confides, as he looks again out the peep-hole theyâve discovered in the floor trim of the parlor. Youâre being self-interested, if you ask me. Donât you want our princess to find a good mate, and live somewhere spacious and comfortable, free of human-cats, where sheâd finally have plenty to eat?
Itâs hard to make a mouse look appropriately chastised, but that question comes close. They shuffle back a bit to let him look out at the strange proceedings in the parlor again.
There are many humans there. The Harsh-Mistress stands tall and rigid at the back of one of the parlor chairs, exchanging curt words with a strange man in fine clothes with a funny hat. Shrieking-Girl and Angry-Girl stand close, scoffing and laughing, looking appalled.
Cinder-Girl sits on the chair thatâs been pulled to the middle of the room. She extends her foot toward a strange golden object on a large cushion.
The shoe, the rat notes so the mice can follow. They canât quite see it from hereâpoor eyesight and all.
Of course, the girlâs foot fits perfectly well into her own shoe. They all saw that coming.
Evidently, the humans did not. Thereâs absolute uproar.
âThere is no possible way sheâs the princess youâre looking for!â declares Harsh-Mistress, her voice full of rage. âSheâs a kitchen maid. Nothing royal about her.â
âHow dare you!â Angry-Girl rages. âWhy does it fit you? Why not us?â
âYou sneak!â shrieks none other than Shrieking-Girl. âMother, she snuck to the ball! She must have used magic, somehow! Princes wonât marry sneaks, will they?â
âI think they might,â says a calm voice from the doorway, and the uproar stops immediately.
The Prince steps in. He stares at Cinder-Girl.
She stares back. Her face is still smudged with soot, and her dress is her old one, gray and tattered. The golden slipper gleams on her foot, having fit as only something molded or magic could.
A blush colors her face beneath the ash and she leaps up to do courtesy. âYour Highness.â
The Prince glances at the messenger-man with the slipper-pillow and the funny hat. The man nods seriously.
The Prince blinks at this, as if he wasnât really asking anything with his lookâitâs already clear he recognizes herâand meets Cinder-Girlâs gaze with a smile. Itâs the same half-nervous, half-attemptingly-charming smile as he kept giving her at the ball.
He bows to her and offers a hand. (The rat has to push three mice out of the way to maintain his view.)
âItâs my honor,â he assures her. âWould you do me the great honor of accompanying me to the castle? Iâd had a question in mind, but it seems there areââ he glances at Harsh-Mistress, who looks like a very upset rat in a mousetrap. ââsituations we might discuss remedying. Youâd be a most welcome guest in my fatherâs house, if youâd be amenable to it?â
Itâs all so much more strange and unusual than anything the creatures of the house are used to seeing. They almost donât hear it, at firstâthat silent song.
It grows stronger, though, and they turn their heads toward it with an odd hope in their hearts.
â
The ride to the castle is almost as strange as that prior walk back. The reasons for this are such:
Oneâtheir princess is riding in their golden carriage alongside the prince, and their chatter and awkward laughter fills the surrounding spring air. They have a good feeling about the prince, now, if they didnât already. He can certainly take things in stride, and he is no respecter of persons. He seems just as elated to be by her side as he was at the ball, even with the added surprise of where she'd come from.
Twoâthey have been transformed again, and the woman in white has asked them a single question: Would you choose to stay this way?
The coachman said yes without a second thought. Heâd always wanted life to be more fulfilling, he confidedâand this seemed a certain path to achieving that.
The footmen might not have said yes, but there was something to be said for recently-acquired cognition. It seemedâstrange, to be human, but the thought of turning back into lizards had the odd feeling of being a poor choice. Baffled by this new instinct, they said yes.
The horses, of course, said things like whuff and nyiiiehuhum, grumph. The woman seemed to understand, though. She touched one horse on the nose and told it it would be the castleâs happiest mouse once the carriage reached its destination. The others, it seemed, enjoyed their new stature.
And threeâthey are heading toward a castle, where they have all been offered a fine place to live. The Prince explains that he doesnât wish for such a kind girl to live in such conditions anymore. Thereâs no talk of anyone marryingâjust discussions of rooms and favorite foods and of course, youâll have the finest chicken pie anytime youâd like and I canât have others make it for me! Lend me the kitchens and Iâll make some for you; I have a very dear recipe. Perhaps you can help. (Followed in short order by a ...Certainly, but Iâdâum, Iâd embarrass myself trying to cook. You would teach me? and a gentle laugh that brightened the souls of all who could hear it.)
âIf youâd be amenable to it,â she repliesâand in clear, if surprised, agreement, the Prince truly, warmly laughs.
âMilady,â the coachman calls down to them. âYour Highness. Weâre here.â
The castle stands shining amber-gold in the light of the setting sun. It will be the fourth night theyâve come hereâthe thirteen of them and the one of herâbut midnight, they realize, will not break the spell ever again.
One by one, they disembark from the carriage. If it will stay as it is or turn back into a pumpkin, they hadn't thought to ask. Thereâs so much warmth swelling in their hearts that they donât think it matters.
The girl, their princess, smilesâa dear, true smile, tentative in the face of a brand new world, but bright with hopeâand suddenly, theyâre all smiling too.
She steps forward, and they follow. The prince falls into step with her and offers an arm, and their glances at each other are brimming with light as she accepts.
With her arm in the arm of the prince, a small crowd of footmen and the coachman trailing behind, and a single grey mouse on her shoulder, the once-Cinder-Girl walks once again toward the palace door.
#Well this wasn't my first Cinderella retelling idea that I was excited about BUT -#since that one was turning into a tangle of Too Much Going On (though it's currently at 5k and maybe 70% done; I still plan to finish it)#I tried this one instead!#pros: I think I actually wrote myself out of writer's block? Which is AWESOME#And I feel like I'm starting to notice what needs fixed and mended about my writing; which is very helpful!#cons: due to having the additional pro of a very socially growth-filled few weeks IRL; I did not do much about that fact#please excuse the general lack of editing thus far#I have also learned that I may want to be at least a Level 5 Fairy Tale Reteller#before I tackle stories with hundreds of years of popular retellings and versions?#Although this one came much more easily than my first idea; it still felt more difficult to write than my Nix Nought Nothing story.#So another pro - I learned that I enjoy writing about lesser-known tales the most! Next time I might try a fun obscure one.#All in all this was a ton of fun!! Thanks for running the challenge! <3#inklingschallenge#four loves fairy tale retelling challenge#love: philia#love: agape#Cinderella#story: complete#basil writes#salt and light
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