#And you met her SEXY boyfriend but that’s what 11 year old me saw as the most important what REALLY was the plot was basically

[fandoms-spamdom]

Aight guys gonna sound crazy but I have a fragment of a memory

[iwovhaikyuu]

You Look Amazing - Oikawa Tooru x Reader

Hey it’s Sam! Woah I actually wrote a fic? Shocking, I know. I haven’t written anything in a few months, so I’m kinda rusty, so bear with me if this is garbage ^^ (Also I’m a total slut for Oikawa, so he gets the special fluff treatment :) )

From The Prompt List:

56. “Would you just hold still?”

99. “Don’t look at me like that.”

11. “Wow, you look amazing.”

With a relieved sigh you stretched your legs as you walked out the gym with your boyfriend. It seemed like all of his practices lasted for a million years, but it wasn’t like you could complain. It was totally worth it to see him sweaty and panting by the end of it.

“What are you thinking about, Little Cutie?”

A familiar voice snapped you out of your thoughts. Looking up, you saw your boyfriend staring back down at you with a warm smile and a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“You.”

“Me?” He suddenly grew extremely flustered, “W-well of course it’s me! Who else would you be thinking about?” He started sweating and chuckling nervously, beginning to stutter while still in his flustered haze.

Wanting Tooru to shut up and stop being such a stutter bug (in a loving way), you leaned upwards and caught him even more off guard with a breathtaking kiss. Feeling his tongue graze your bottom lip, you refused entrance, successfully earning a whine from your lover.

“(Y/N)-Chan why,” he dragged on the last syllable

Grabbing his hand, you kissed his knuckles and looked back up at him with a small smile. 

“When we get home, baby.”

~Timeskip~

Upon arriving back to your shared apartment, you were met with the soft meowing of your kitten, Hanako, which Tooru had surprised you with on your anniversary to keep you company when he had to travel for his games.

“Hello little baby,” Tooru cooed, scooping up the small bundle of brown and white fluff.

“I thought we were going to continue from earlier?” you questioned, slightly disappointed

“That comes later, kitty comes now,” he said not looking up from his place on the floor as he pet Hanako’s small patchy head

“Okay fine. I’ll be in the room while you play with the cat,” you called out to him as you walked down the hall, but your voice went seemingly unheard to your significant other, who was apparently too busy for you at the current moment. Plopping on the bed with a dejected sigh, you reached for your laptop and opened Netflix. If Tooru was busying himself with something else then you were gonna do the same. Clicking on The Umbrella Academy, you felt a pinch of guilt. This was you and Tooru’s show and you promised not to continue season two without him.

Guilt taking over, you exited and decided on rewatching The Witcher, because right now you just really needed to see Henry Cavill’s sexy ass. (god same)

After finishing an episode and a half, you had dozed off, not even bothering to cover yourself with a blanket.

Walking into the room with Hanako in tow, Tooru noticed your shivering form, looking small as you unconsciously curled into a ball to preserve heat. After closing your laptop and gently placing Hanako onto her small cushion at the foot of your shared bed, Tooru’s eyes wandered around the room, taking notice of every small detail. Your shared bed in the corner, every movie poster and underground band poster, all the little nick knacks placed carefully on the shelf, the framed pictures of the both of you on the nightstand, and finally you. Chocolate eyes scanning your face, he realized all over again why he fell in love with you. You weren’t one of the pushy and annoying fangirls from high school, no. You were so much more. You had always been by his side in elementary school. Then middle school, high school, college, and now here you are helping him live out his dream. Glancing at the nightstand once more, his gaze fell onto the second drawer. In it held a small box, only to be taken out when the time was right. 

Sitting on the bed next to you, he gently rubbed your shoulder, stirring you from your nap. Slowly opening your eyes, you saw Tooru’s loving gaze resting upon you. 

“Hey there, sleepyhead. How was your nap?” he said rubbing your cheekbone

Too tired to even speak, you scooted closer to him, trying to find warmth. Chuckling, he stood back up, earning a tired pout from you. Walking to the closet, he dug out something he hadn’t seen in years. Carefully removing it from the hanger, he turned back towards you, seeing you had begun to wake up. Now fully sitting up and wiping the sleep out of your eyes, you watched him make his way back over to you with the unknown garment.

“Babe why did you wake me up?” You yawned halfway through your sentence, still coming to your senses.

“Because you were shivering now here.”

He sat next to you once more and began to put your arms into the piece of clothing. Not wanting to deal with this and go back to sleep, you started wiggling to get out of his grip.

“Would you just hold still?” he jokingly grumbled, still trying to put your arms in the sleeves. After about five minutes of struggle, you gave up and let him put it on you, much to his relief.

“So how do you feel now?”

“Less cold.. What even is this?”

“Try looking down.”

Listening to your lover, you looked at your arms and torso, noticing a vaguely familiar color scheme of aqua blue and white. Eyes widening at the realization of this being his old Aoba Johsai volleyball club jacket, your face erupted in a mad blush. Making eye contact with your boyfriend, you saw the pure love and admiration in his dark eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you muttered, feeling embarrassed

“Hm? O-oh, I-I just.. Wow, you look amazing…”

“You’re only saying that because it’s yours. You’re only trying to feed your ego.”

Hurt flashing in his eyes, he scooted closer to you and brought you into his arms, resting his chin on your head and rocking you both side to side.

“I’m being serious. You look beautiful, Sweetheart… God I love you so much,” he pulled back from the hug and kissed your forehead, resting his on your own, “Don’t ever think that I’m just feeding my ego. I love you more than words can even say,”

Beginning to tear up at his words, you pressed your face into the crook of his neck, tears staining the collar of his shirt. Thinking he may have said something wrong, he started to panic, pulling back once more to take a good look at your face.

“Baby are you okay? Did I say something wrong? Did I-” he didn’t get to finish his sentence as you pressed your lips to his in a sweet kiss. After parting, you locked gazes and gave him a reassuring smile, tears still running down your face.

“I love you too, Tooru, so so so much.”

Giving your forehead another peck, Tooru laid down under the covers, pulling you down with him and bringing you into his arms once more. As the night went on, you both engaged in mindless chatter, giving each other the occasional kiss and sometimes bumping noses, sending each other into a fit of giggles.

…

….

…..

“Marry me”

“What?”

“What?”

“What?”

“You heard what I said.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And here it is! I hoped you all enjoyed! Oikawa would be the sweetest boyfriend ever no 🧢

1218 Words

[halinski]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Karen Wilson, Nia Wilson Additional Tags: Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Demisexuality, Sexuality, Established Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Worried Eddie Diaz, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Sexuality Crisis, Implied/Referenced Sex, Sex Repulsion, sex repulsed buck, Internalized Acephobia, coming to terms with asexuality, Coming Out Summary:

Sex was always just a thing Buck did. It was a part of life. But once he gets together with Eddie, he's asked what he really wants, and if he even likes sex in itself apart from the intimacy and pleasing his partner.

Buck dives into Asexuality

---

big thanks to @aloha-wolves who made this possible with the support!!

----

11 year old Buck wasn't stupid. He may have been impatient and distracted and unfocused but he wasn't a complete moron. He knew how to follow social cues. 

See, when you were Different™ from the start studying human behavior and social cues was a survival strategy. He'd figured it out by then. Fairytales read by Maddie from the earliest age, and all the countless books after clearly stated some of the rules. Romance was a must. It a bond between a woman and a man that every human strived for, and when Buck saw the kids in his class at school start to focus heavily on the subject of sexuality, he knew he had to step up.his game.

Personally he wasn't intrigued by all. Not by girls or the thoughts of kisses or naked bodies. The word sex just left a bitter taste in his mouth. Like licorice. But any additional personality trait that wasn't 'normal' was a risk. Buck didn't want to be forgotten, kicked to the curb and judged. He already knew he wasn't like everyone else. He had to make sure he fit in.

Luckily, he had an older sister. So he asked Maddie, what the heck he was supposed to do about girls. She had laughed, teased him a little, but eventually saw his frustration and sat him down.

"Be bold." That's what she had said, and Buck was nothing if not adventurous and daring, seeking the thrill- anything that kept his mind from wandering and running itself into a rut. Buck knew how to open his mouth when he needed to.

Half a year later; he had his first kiss. It was uncomfortable, as most social interactions were. One could never really know what was going on inside another person's head. But Buck was determined and learned studiously (when it wasn't for school), and if he had to trade some of his time spent alone with his books or exploring the forest to be normal, so be it.

He never quite understood the desires behind it all, but he knew the steps to the dance, and he played his cards well. Maybe he was a late bloomer, but he wouldn't let anyone notice if that proved to be true. 

As the years went on... Buck just figured, maybe the feelings were too subtle for him to pinpoint. Maybe he hadn't met the right person. After all, he was a free spirit. No one quite understood him. But none of that mattered.

He knew how to tell what objectively 'hot' and 'sexy' was. He learned how to read the looks women threw him well. Then he'd discovered a whole other spectrum to sexuality and the first time he kissed a boy, his heart had fluttered in a way like never before. It hadn't turned out to be the breakthrough he'd hoped for, but Buck knew how to please. He'd studied the ways of body and mind and he knew how to make others feel good.

Buck was young. The rest would come. He was supposed to be finding himself and sleeping around, exploring and putting his looks to good use. Maybe he'd find what sex and love meant along the way.

It was just life.

(Nevermind that he always had the urge to flee after getting into a girl's pants, or that he'd used weed as an escape so much that he'd have to be high to do it for a few years. 

Nevermind that he'd have to steel himself and liked to retreat to some foggy place in his mind, where nothing mattered, nothing but physical sensations, which weren't that bad.

Nevermind that he found himself needing more and more, needing the high of peaking pleasure between him and someone else, just to mask the terrible gut feeling that built up after.

Nevermind that he started losing himself in it, losing sight of any personal goals, especially when he'd had to give up weed because of his new job.

He found some peace eventually. Between the thrill of risking his life to save others, finding family in the crew, and deciding to stay far from other people's beds.)

-

29 year old Buck was quite mature, if he could say so himself. He had finally, finally, fallen head over heels in love. So much so, that he had been afraid to act on it. He hadn't been that afraid of just a kiss since… ever. Not even his first kiss had caused him so many heart attacks and sleepless nights.

Suddenly, he was made to question everything he thought he had learned. That's how he knew it was real. He had fallen in love.

With Eddie Diaz.

He’d endured over 6 months of what he had perceived as unrequited love with his best friend - he hadn't even had a best friend for over a decade - only to find out that Eddie had actually been so painfully obvious with his own crush on Buck that the whole station knew before Buck did. See, Eddie didn’t make the ridiculous bedroom eyes while dressed in tight clothes in dim nightclub lighting. Nor did he ever invite Buck for coffee as a date. That was simply because Eddie didn’t do nightclubs and well, Buck and him had coffee and beer and dinner and lunch and breakfast and everything in between all the time together already as friends. They talked on the phone and covered each other’s meals and even bought each other groceries sometimes. (Although that last one was usually Buck on his way to Eddie's house.)

But he realized eventually that all those things he had done with Abby while dating her. The phone calls and the spending time together and doing stuff for each other. Just without the ridiculous sweet talk and the kissing and the sex. 

It was funny in retrospect.

(After Eddie had grabbed Buck’s face when he had been mumbling about all the bullshit reasons he hadn’t voiced his feelings; after he had said, “I can’t believe you’re making me make the first move"; after he had kissed Buck senseless; after they had talked about what it meant.)

Now Buck got to do everything he did before, and he got to kiss Eddie whenever he felt like it, even sneaky kisses when no one was looking at the station, and he got to hold his hand and touch, and he got to call Eddie ‘my sunshine’.

(The face Eddie made when Buck said that was priceless.)

He also got to rile Eddie up, whisper those things that made him blush cherry red, tease him with vivid images of things he’d done in South America where he’d explored the world and himself with abandon and lots of glitter. He got to make Eddie moan and shudder beneath his hands, got to watch him fall apart. He liked that.

What he didn’t like was the look Eddie sometimes gave him before Buck distracted him with his mouth. (Eddie always loved that last part.)

They were making out on the couch one late night long after a joint dinner and a movie with Chris and it was nice. It was always a good time with Eddie. Make outs most often lead to sex though and Buck didn’t hesitate to take the lead, slipping a hand beneath Eddie’s shirt to meet his abs.

Only for Eddie to grab his wrist.

Buck looked up quizzically.

"What's up?” He asked, pulling his hand back and lifting himself higher from above his boyfriend. “Not in the mood?”

Eddie blinked at him and shook his head a little. 

“No, that’s not it…. I promise,” he reassured as Buck narrowed his eyes. "We can definitely postpone that for later but first we have to-"

"Don't say talk," Buck pleaded. To no avail.

"Yes, talk."

"What is there to talk about? Everything is going great."

"Usually, I have to beg for you to shut up for once," Eddie said with a huff.

Buck easily took the bait, grinning. He leaned closer. "I love hearing you beg."

Eddie's eyebrows did a little dance and Buck knew he'd gotten his attention but unfortunately that didn't deter his boyfriend from his ultimate goal, face settling into determination again.

"But what if I were to make you beg?" Eddie asked simply.

Buck frowned.

"See, that! That's what we have to talk about."

Buck withdrew completely this time, not really sure why his anxiety was suddenly ramping up but feeling like he'd been caught cheating on a test.

"What, just because I…" He found himself unsure of what to say. He felt the couch shift as Eddie rearranged himself but Buck stubbornly stared at the carpet.

"Buck," Eddie's voice was soft and yet firm, and somehow that made it worse. He swallowed heavily.

"Do you even like this? Being physically intimate with me, I mean. The sex...and all that?" Eddie asked.

Buck scoffed, shoulders squaring up.

"Of course I do. You know I love you." It was a truth that rang bitter after the launched accusation. His fists curled and uncurled on his thighs, unable to contain his agitation.

"Yes, I know. I know," Eddie quickly said, reaching over to take those hands and smooth them out. "Hey, look at me… I know that and I love you, too. Okay?"

Buck eventually met his insistent stare and found himself breathing lighter again, when he observed his sincerity. He breathed out.

"Okay," Buck breathed and leaned in slightly in search of physical reassurance. Which Eddie gave, as always. There to ground him. He pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and ghosted a thumb over his chin when he pulled back.

"But," Eddie started up again, holding firm to Buck's hands when he tried to pull away again. "We have to talk."

Closing his eyes, Buck heaved a sigh.

"How about you just listen to me, for a sec, hm? We can start there. I'll tell you what I think is the problem and why it's important to me, my experiences and all I ask is for you to think about it. Can we do that?"

It didn't sound like a fun time. Buck knew the rules, he knew the procedures, he didn't mind those. But he didn't want to think about the feelings he was supposed to have, or about the feelings he was trying not to have. He had hoped he had done right. But obviously he hadn't. He'd messed up somewhere. 

Buck swallowed hard. 

What was he supposed to do though? Make a scene? That would reveal his weakness further. This was Eddie. It would kill him to mess this up.

"Buck," Eddie whispered and Buck steeled himself, padding his disposition with dry amusement. Of course he couldn't hide from Eddie. This man could see through him like glass and yet he did it in a way that didn't make him shatter. He was safe.

Buck nodded quickly, before his vulnerability could render him to tears before this conversation even started. Breathing in deep through his nose, he cleared his throat.

"I'll listen," he said as loud as he dared, but kept his skittering gaze away from Eddie's eyes, afraid he'd falter.

"Thank you." Eddie lifted his hands to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. There was something so tender about the way Eddie held and handled him that almost made Buck believe that he deserved it. Sometimes that warmth in his chest felt way too grand to wrap his head around but one thing was for sure: Buck was always ready to give every fiber of his being for Eddie and Chris. He was here to grow and learn and reach his best potential.

Buck leaned back against the couch and settled in, trying to relax his body as far as he could. Eddie had definitely become far more open and vulnerable with his emotions than he always claimed he’d been raised to be. And Buck definitely knew how to appreciate that. Now, it was his turn to try- or at the very least, hear Eddie out.

“You know well enough by now, that Shannon was my only relationship, ever. That it started as a clumsy teenage attempt at dating and we just clung to each other for safety. It was all a little awkward but whose first relationship isn’t? Then again, even back then I kept feeling like I was a little different from other guys, other people. When it came to love and relationships and all that. I could never understand flings and spontaneous hookups, one night stands… I would get whiplash hearing about other people’s experiences.” Eddie spoke with a calm voice. It came across resolved, as if he had found peace with his past. 

Buck on the other hand, felt like his insides were twisting themselves into a million knots as he was reminded of his similar teenage years and the conflict and frustration they had caused. There was though, also a stubborn streak of hope that shot through him like an arrow, causing Buck to glance up to Eddie from his hanging posture. The yearning for the answer to these problems was strong. Maybe Eddie could teach him about that link he was missing.

“It didn’t seem to matter that much back then. My parents were, as with everything else, traditional and conservative about relationships and sex. We didn’t talk about those things. They didn’t even show much affection to each other in front of anyone. And then, I had Shannon and things worked with her. Expectations were met and I enjoyed being with her. After highschool though… things started getting more complicated.”

Eddie’s thoughtful gaze rises to meet Buck’s eyes. Eyes that were a whirlwind of feelings Buck had never dared to fully entertain. His heart was beating so high up his throat every breath felt a little weary but Buck nodded silently for Eddie to continue.

“With the distance during college and my tours, we just grew apart. That only led to more fights and less of a bond, and I started to realize that the further away I felt emotionally, the harder it was for me to engage in intimacy. I watched the other guys react differently to their partners, or talk about attraction to strangers, and it was all just not making sense. I didn’t have the capacity at that point in time to figure things out, so I just chalked it up to the outer circumstances; trust issues from my childhood and the rigid parenting, and the… experiences while I was deployed.”

Eddie sighed, looking down at his lap for a moment before he lifted his chin again with new energy. 

“It was only in the years when Shannon had left that I eventually put two and two together. At first I was convinced I just wasn’t looking for anything because all I wanted was to be there for Chris but I mean, I was still kind of lonely. I hate that word but it is what it is,” Eddie said with a rueful smile, shrugging one shoulder. “I eventually started going online, contemplating online dating or whatever, but I somehow ended up reading up on other people’s experiences on forums and after multiple hours of rabbit holes, I came across these descriptions and solid definitions of exactly the kind of thing I felt.”

“It turns out,” Eddie emphasized, taking Buck’s hand in his again at this, “that not everyone is as obsessed with sex as society might like to make you think. There are different kinds of attraction and people experience varying levels of them. It’s all as normal as the rest, if one is more or less romantically or sexually attracted to others. I, personally, am demisexual, which means I don’t experience sexual attraction to others until I have an emotional bond with them- like with you.”

At this point, Buck was feeling ready to shatter. Every next breath threatened to break the fragile thread holding him together. There were already two tears or so that have escaped him, and Buck wasn’t usually ashamed to cry but the panic in him was too great, almost as high as the flooding relief. He didn’t know what he was supposed to believe or trust in.

Eddie squeezed his hand.

“Is this- does it make any sense? I’ve never really talked to anyone about this before, but I just wanted you to know that it’s okay. I mean, maybe I’m wrong and it’s not this at all, but I hate-” Eddie took a deep breath, “I really hate the thought of you forcing yourself to do things you don’t want to. For me. Not that I want to assume anything, because everyone implies that you would have a lot of hookups before and all that, so maybe you actually do enjoy it, and maybe we have to figure out how to make it right between us but… I do feel like there’s an imbalance, like I get more out of this. And like you sometimes kind of shut down after we do something, almost as if it… hurts you.”

Buck definitely couldn’t bring himself to look at Eddie anymore at this point, the guilt tying him heavily down to the couch. He didn’t even feel able to really respond to the light grip on his hand. It was rare to hear Eddie ramble like that, and Buck hated being the one to make him feel that way, like Eddie was doing something wrong. Like Eddie was the problem. When it was just Buck himself all along. Unable to do sex right, unable to hide the bad feelings from Eddie, unable to be open with him and forcing Eddie through this situation.

“Buck I-”

He could feel Eddie’s gaze on him, sense his sadness acutely. Buck wiped his sleeve over his face in an attempt to dry the waterfall, but his sniffles thundered in his ears regardless.

“You don’t need to say anything or do anything right now. I just want for you to be able to be more comfortable with all this one day. So, just- keep this in mind. I love you. With all my heart and soul. That’s a fact regardless of sex. We don’t need sex to lead our best lives together. I don’t want this to keep hurting you.”

A silence settled over them like weighted slime. Or maybe it was just Buck. He didn’t know how to react. It felt like it had been an hour since Buck had last said anything and he didn’t want to be a passive spectator in such an important discussion about them. After all, didn’t most people say sex was necessary for a successful, happy relationship? What if they gave it up and Eddie was wrong and they fell apart? It would be all Buck’s fault. He would never want to risk that.

“I don’t-” Buck started, but paused when he realized he had no idea what he even wanted to tell Eddie. Apparently a part of him was really considering what it would be like to give up sex. It wasn’t like he knew much about a life without it. Sure, there had been that time with Abby, where they dated without sex, and the close friendship with Eddie before they had taken the extra step toward a relationship… But sex was always the step that drew full circle.

“There are resources out there. You can read up on it and give yourself time to figure it out. But we’ll find a way together, alright? Trust me. We’ll figure this out,” Eddie assured, and proceeded to draw Buck into a hug.

Buck went along willingly, sinking against Eddie’s shoulder, hiding in his chest. He was exhausted. Just letting things rest for a while sounded good. Eddie’s hand brushed his cheek dry and then there was a soft press of lips on his temple.

"It'll be okay. I promise."

-

Buck spent the next few days keeping his distance. He needed to wrap his head around this first before he could focus on giving Christopher his all and Eddie- well, he was a little unsure about how he was supposed to act around him when the two of them were on their own. Not knowing if he might be rejected again when he started another physical advance, he was cautious about engaging anything at all.

He also spent his time alone by letting his thoughts spiral, because he couldn't get a grasp on them, and feeling horrible. Consciously thinking about sexual topics just did that, and focusing on it for days… it made him pretty miserable. He wished he could hide from himself in Eddie's arms. That usually worked. But Eddie had asked this of him and Buck couldn't just ignore that. He had to try.

Or run away again. Maybe Seattle this time. That would be different enough to distract him from missing Eddie and Christopher, and his team, Maddie…

The thought alone made him nauseous. Running away was bad. He'd done it a few times and gained from it, but he was in a much better place now. He didn't want to run away for once.

He had to confront it head on, which meant going to the person who knew best: Karen. Approaching anyone at the station was too nerve-racking after all, with all they always said about his early days at the station. So he ended up keeping it a secret, arranging a date and time with Karen while Hen was at work and he was off.

Buck had no idea how much Karen knew about his sexual exploits but he assumed Hen had shared her view of things with her. So that didn't take much of his anxiety away, but he definitely didn't want to talk to a stranger so here he was, sitting next to Karen in their living room, drinking tea. Nia was playing on the rug to their side and Buck was itching to join her instead.

"I would say speak when you're ready but you've been sitting there silently for 5 minutes already. It's the longest I've seen you quiet and it's starting to worry me," Karen said and Buck knew she was teasing. The light pressure to speak up did its job, though, giving him the freedom to spill his thoughts.

He sighed, staring into the mug between his hands.

"Eddie and I," he started. "Eddie said something recently… and I'm not sure what to think about it. A part of me… thinks he's probably right but then it's also… it also just feels impossible."

Karen's forehead creased as she gazed at him. "Are you two okay?"

Buck was quick to open his mouth to defend but then reconsidered. He shook his head.

"I mean… I hope so? I thought we were but…"

"But?"

"Eddie told me he's demisexual," Buck said, peering up at Hen. His own potential label still refused to come out.

Karen hummed.

"And you're not sure how to feel about that?" She guessed.

"No, I didn't have any problem with it. I'm glad he could tell me because I had no idea. Like, I know he was reserved about his dating and especially sex life but now I can understand why. It's more that…"

Buck lifted a hand helplessly as the words left him again. This time Karen waited patiently, gaze soft and open as he knew it to be. It was insistent though, urging him to voice what he came here for.

"He brought all that up because he thinks… he thinks I might be ace." Buck's hands tightened around his mug, though not even the warmth was much of a comfort. He felt overexposed and small, as if his body was too big for him and he didn't have all the controls.

"That hit a nerve, did it?" Karen asked softly. All Buck could manage was a tense nod. 

"You know you don't have to figure it all out at once, right?" Karen's hand settled over Buck's right one and he looked up to find her soothing smile.

"You've done this before, just in a different way. It takes time to find out every little piece of yourself. Figuring out if you're on the asexual spectrum and what it means for you and your relationship will take a while. It's something you have to work on, make yourself comfortable with before you know for sure. Maybe you'll never want to use a distinct label. That's okay, too."

Once she started addressing it specifically, Buck found he couldn't look away, eagerly drinking up everything she had to say like a desert desperate for rainfall.

"You have to allow yourself to fill this space, too. Give yourself room to breathe and be who you are. There are so many ways to be asexual and all of them are just as valid as being allosexual," she continued.

Buck breathed. "That actually is really good to hear," he said quietly, voice trembling.

"You'll be okay. You're finding to yourself. This is good," she assured him, settling back. "And you're with someone who understands, who sees you for who you are. You have support all around you."

"And Eddie and I- we can still work, right? I mean I know I read about relationships that… That- but I just…"

"Of course. Your relationship can be whatever you want it to be. You two decide that. There are no official requirements you have to meet. You make the rules," Karen interrupted.

"Okay." Buck nodded, finally relaxing enough to settle back in his chair. "I think… I needed to hear that."

"Anytime, Buck," Karen replied and he knew she meant it. His attention was already starting to wander though as relief lifted the weight off his shoulders, towards the adorable little toddler to his right.

"Now for some fun times!" He declared as he sunk down to join the girl in her game of building blocks. "Hey, Nia. Can I play too?"

Nia let out bubbling approval as she held up a yellow block at Buck. He grinned and accepted the gift.

"Aw, thanks! I love yellow!"

Nia clapped and then pointed at her construction, clearly instructing Buck on where to put his block. He obliged and she nodded eagerly, clapping for him.

"Yes! Beautiful. I can already see it. This will be the new Eiffel tower. Bigger, better," Buck marveled, letting the giddy happiness of being in such young life's presence take over him. Nia responded in turn with her own sunshine smile, holding up the next block. A purple.

"Hey, while you're at it, do you mind if you watch her for a few minutes while I go have a nice warm bath?" Karen asked, ready to seize the opportunity.

Buck turned to her with a laugh. "It would be my pleasure. I owe you one after all."

He was quick to turn back to Nia, and only peripherally noticed Karen leaving the room. 

--

That night was as good a night as any, Buck figured. If it would take him a longer time to figure it out, he might as well settle into the discomfort and make a place there. He would embrace it. It was a part of him. There was no need to make things more difficult and terrifying than they needed to be.

After a thorough workout and shower, he drove home - Eddie's house, his home - and let himself in. That was how sturdy they already were. They made living together work as if they had been doing it forever. It just felt right. That confidence was what Buck needed to take to deal with this new path.

He found Eddie in the living room, folding laundry and instead of just returning the greeting thrown at him, he immediately went in for a hug, wrapping his arms around Eddie from behind.

"Thank you," he breathed against the back of his neck, a kiss and confession all at once. 

Eddie's hands settled over his and he first only turned his head toward him.

"What's this for?" He asked, just as quietly; mellow, safe, home, love.

Buck buried his face in his nape. He didn't know how he could even put it into words. He had spent the last few hours trying to figure it out.

"For giving me the opportunity to be fully me… with the parts of me that I had forgotten- hadn't even realized they were there," he then settled on, tongue feeling especially clumsy and heart beating in his throat. He hoped his tone could convey his meaning instead. He wasn't sure how else to explain if Eddie didn't get it.

Luckily, this was Eddie they were talking about.

The man turned around in Buck's arms, forcing them to loosen for a second. Buck's eyes remained closed, even as Eddie cradled his cheeks in his palms and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"I see you, Evan Buckley," he told him. Buck had to swallow hard before he dared open his eyes but he knew he had too, because his heart was too full to contain all emotion. "And I love all of you."

And Buck soared.

[redrebecca]

Pamper Party

Shawn wants to know what he’s missing out on after you and your best friend have a little pamper party.

Warning(s): I think there’s 1 swear word

A/N: I wrote this during a caffeine rush incase you were wondering. Feedback is always appreciated, have a good day!  

Words: 2.6k

*

“Anddd done!” You exclaimed as you typed the final sentence of your essay. Shawn, who sat opposite you on the floor, made grabby hands toward your laptop. It was a tradition - you write and he proof reads. Motioning for him to wait for a second, you click the ‘save’ button several times. There was no way you were going to lose 5 days worth of work because your laptop crashed. After ensuring it had saved you placed your laptop into Shawn’s outstretched hands. He spun it around so he could see the screen and reached over to where you were sat tidying up your notebooks to pull your reading glasses off your face. You watched him with an eyebrow raised as he tucked the arms of the glasses behind his ears and then lowered the front of them so they sat comfortably on the bridge of his nose.

When he noticed you were staring at him, he stuck his tongue out. You chuckled at his childlike behaviour, which was frequent despite the fact that he was a ‘fully grown man’ (His words, not yours). You both stayed in comfortable silence, the only noise coming from Shawn occasionally adding punctuation or removing a word that didn’t quite make sense, whilst you leant back to rest your back on the sofa behind you, a large sigh of relief leaving you.

You weren’t sure how long it had been before a loud knock on the front door interrupted the silence. The sound so jarring that you and Shawn jumped at it.

“You didn’t order anything did you?” You asked, trying to figure out who was at your door. He shook his head.

“Not at,” He checked the time on the laptop, “11 at night.” You slowly stood up and walked towards the door Shawn closely following behind you. You felt his hand on your waist as you stood on your toes to look through the peephole.

When you saw who was waiting on the other side of the door you let out a sigh of relief, but then when you took a closer look you breathed out “Holy shit.”

Not even sparing Shawn a glance or an explanation, you flung the door open and when your best friend collapsed into your arms you sunk to the floor with her.

“Amber, what’s happened?” You asked when you felt her tears soak your jumper, you continued to rub calming circles on her back. You felt Shawn crouch down next to your side, just as confused and concerned as you at the emotional wreck of your friend.

“Amber.” You said, sterner this time, worry and desperation taking over you. You had never seen her like this in the 8 years you had known her and you were scared, really scared.

“He, He b-b.” She spluttered, still sobbing uncontrollably into your shoulder. You knew better to interrupt her, knowing she needed to get this out herself. You silently thanked Shawn for realising that too.

“He broke up with me.” She finally managed to say. At this you froze entirely. You didn’t know what you were expecting but this wasn’t it, because Amber and Daniel were engaged, had been for about 2 years, and they’d been dating for 3 years before that. They had even set you and Shawn up.

Shawn noticed your paralysing shock, he felt it too. Standing up slightly he uttered “Let’s get you two inside.” You had completely forgotten that you were slouched next to the open door. Shawn eventually managed to unwrap Amber’s arms from around you and slowly ease her to her unsteady feet, guiding her to the couch. When she wobbled for the 10th time Shawn’s patience ran out, the thought of you sat in the chilly night air made him carefully pick Amber up and walk over to the couch, before gently placing her on the couch, picking up a throw blanket you had been using earlier and draping it over her shivering, sobbing form. Patting her shoulder comfortingly as she brought her knees up to her chest.

He rushed back to the door, only to see you had closed it and were now sitting with your back pressed to it. You had also tucked your knees up to your chest and were sitting there with tears streaming down your face.

“Hey, hey come on honey.” He cupped your cheek. You let out a whimper and leant into his palm, clutching at his hand with yours. He leant forward and pressed his forehead onto yours “We need to stay strong for Amber ok darling? Can you do that?” You gave a slight nod, the pads of Shawn’s thumbs wiping away the tears on your cheeks. You offered him a weak smile before he grabbed your hands and hauled you up, giving you a kiss on each of your damp cheeks for good measure. You hugged him before walking back to where Amber was sniffling. You joined her on the couch, her immediately latching onto you. You and Amber both stayed quiet, content in each other’s presence.

After a few minutes Shawn entered the room with a tub of ice cream and two spoons for you and Amber. You sent him a grateful smile, to which he blew a kiss in return. After Amber had explained what had happened and she had gone through a full tub of ice cream and several boxes of tissues, you pulled back slightly as you got an idea.

“Hey Amber, do you remember in high school, our routine whenever our ‘boyfriends’ dumped us?” She nodded slowly, hesitation clear on her face, not sure where you were going with this.

“Yeah, we would have a pamper party.” She said, still unsure, but a small chuckle escaped her nevertheless.

“How about a pamper party, for old times sake?” You offered, already starting to unwrap her arms for around you. To your delight, she nodded, “For old times sake.” She smiled, following you to the bathroom.

*

It had been 4 days since Amber had travelled back to her home country to spend a month or two with her parents. You had been upset that she would be leaving, but Shawn had made you realize how much she needed some time out - away from all of the stress and heartbreak.

You were sat on the couch, curled up in a blanket and dressed in the fluffiest pyjamas you could find, whilst Shawn acted as a human hot water bottle, his legs on either side of you and his arms wrapped around your torso as you watched a random TV show.

“Babe.” He murmured, squeezing you a bit tighter between his arms to get your attention.

“Hmm?” You replied leaning your head back against his shoulder so you could get a better look at his facial features, the ones that took your breath away despite the amount of time the two of you had been together.

“I was wondering if you could, erm.” He stopped, his eyes looking anywhere but at yours.

“Wondering if I could what?” You pushed, curious as to what his request would be.

He glanced at you, his eyes searching your face, almost to try and guess what your reaction would be. You jokingly sighed and glanced at your wrist as if to check the time, which made him chuckle slightly, the vibrations from his chest transferring onto your back. He still hadn’t answered.

“Come on Mendes, spit it out.” He cleared his throat.

“Could you do that thing to me that you did with Amber?” He said, once again avoiding your eyes. Confused, you tried to think back to what you had done. “Hug you? Babe, you know if you want a hug you can jus-“

“No I don’t want a hug.” He cut you off. “Wait I don’t mean it like that, I love your hugs.” He quickly corrected himself at your taken aback expression, giving you a hug to prove his point.

“I meant a pamper party.” He muttered quietly, so quietly that you didn’t quite hear most of it.

“Bit louder for me bub.” You prompted, eager to hear his request.

“I meant a pamper party.” He said, a little louder this time. You pulled back slightly, or as much as you could in his strong arms, to see whether he was joking or not, but his face was serious.

“I knew I shouldn’t have asked, just forg-“You clamped your hand over his mouth to stop his insecure ramblings.

“Of course we can have a pamper party.” His eyes widened and his eyebrows raised, you could feel a smile form from underneath your hand.

“Really?” Came his surprised, muffled voice from beneath your palm.

“Really, now stay here I’ll go get the stuff.” You said before rushing off the couch, easily escaping Shawn’s now loose grip.

When you returned you found Shawn only wearing his sweatpants, your eyes raked up and down his torso. You were in awe of this man and even more in awe of the fact that you could call him yours. When he felt your blatant stare he chuckled.

“Close your mouth honey, you’ll catch flies.” He replied, a cocky smirk spreading across his face. You walked up to him and gently punched his arm. His hazel eyes shone with love and admiration as you turned around and jumped onto the couch, grabbing a cushion and placing it in between your legs. After you had adjusted your position, you patted the cushion, indicating to Shawn to come over. He walked over and lay down on the couch without being asked twice. He shuffled up so his head was positioned in your lap, pulling a funny face when his eyes met yours, making you throw your head back in laughter, loving the fact that he could be sexy and silly in the space of two minutes. You leant forward slightly to grab the tweezers from the coffee table.

“Hmm I like this view.” Sighed Shawn. It took you a second to figure out what he was talking about, but as soon as you noticed that your boobs were directly above his face you blushed a dark shade of red. You slapped his arm when he started laughing. He reached both hands up and placed them on your flushed cheeks.

“Babe you’ve gone red.” He said between bursts of laughter.

“Shut up” you mumbled, prying his large hands away from your warm cheeks, which only caused him to laugh more. Losing your patience, you brought the tweezers to his face.

“Woah, woah, woah.” He rushed out, his tattooed hand stopping yours before you could get any closer to his face. “What are you doing?”

“Your eyebrows. These are tweezers.” You managed to retrieve your wrist from out of his grasp to show him the metal object in your hand.

“Does it hurt?” He muttered with hints of worry in his voice. You couldn’t help but scoff at this.

“Shawn for the love of God, you’ve got tattoos, this shouldn’t hurt at all compared to that.” He nodded as if to reassure himself, hesitantly closing his eyes.

You spotted your first stray hair and pulled the skin around it tight with your fingers, you grabbed it with the tweezers. When you pulled it out there was a loud yelp and before you could react, your hand was knocked out the way by a much larger one as it moved to cover where you had previously been. He abruptly sat up, his hand still rubbing where you had plucked a hair from. He turned towards you.

“You lied.” He whined.

“I didn’t, you’re just a big baby, now come on, get back here.” You said whilst patting the cushion where his head had been previously.

“Nah- uh.” Shawn shook his head. “No way am I letting you do that again.” He gestured to the tweezers in your hand.

“You will.” You said and reached for his shoulder so you could pull him so he would end up on his back. But instead of cooperating he swiftly grabbed the tweezers and threw them into your toiletry bag that you had brought down earlier.

“No I won’t.” He said stubbornly. In response to your marginally annoyed expression he kissed your nose.

“What’s next?” He asked curiously, making a mental note that he would never let anyone go near his eyebrows with a pair of tweezers again. He inspected the contents of the bag, looking at the various different bottles and tubes that your toiletry bag consisted of.

“Waxing.” You said seriously. Breaking out into laughter when his head instantly whipped towards you, so fast that you were surprised he didn’t get whiplash.

“I’m joking, do you want a face massage?” He stared at you, not entirely sure whether you were going to suddenly plaster waxing strips all over him or not.

“Pass me that blue bottle of moisturiser and I can get started.” You prompted, sighing when he continued to stare.

“Or I can get my waxing strips from upstairs, you don’t want that chest hair, do you?” You swore you had never seen him move so fast. In less than a second your bottle of moisturiser was in your hand and his head was placed on the cushion in your lap. You giggled, squeezing a generous amount of lotion onto your palm. Shawn still regarded you with unsure eyes, keeping his hands close to his exposed chest just in case you weren’t joking about the waxing thing.

When you started to rub the cream onto his skin he flinched slightly, you immediately stopped.

“S’fine keep going, it’s just cold.” You nodded in response despite him not being able to see you with his eyes closed and you continued to massage his face. He hummed as you put gentle pressure onto certain parts of his face, his body visibly relaxing. You moved your hands to work their magic on his neck, an area where he always had tension. He let out a moan as you massaged out a knot at the junction where his neck and collarbone meet. 

After you were positive all of the lotion was off your hands, you finally moved your fingers to his curls. This received the loudest moan of pleasure he had given throughout his massage. He had always been open with how much he loved the feeling of your hands in his hair. You continued to rake your fingers through his soft hair, loving the feeling of his brown waves running between our fingers. After 5 minutes you stopped, your hands beginning to get sore.

“Shawn” you whispered, not entirely sure if he was still awake. He groaned, moving his hands to find yours. When they eventually did find them, he placed them back in his hair, moving his hands back down to his sides.

“Shawn, my hands are getting tired” At this his hands travelled back up to where yours were resting and began to move them through his hair, trying to get you to move them independently. However after a minute he gave up, huffing and crossing his arms over his chest.

You leant down and gave his lips a peck “What would you say to a joint bubble bath?” you asked, knowing his answer without asking. He stood up from the couch and threw you over his shoulder, pinching your sides and slapping your ass playfully before he began to make his way towards the bathroom. Your giggles bouncing off the walls of your apartment.

[randombtsprincessa]

Aberrations || 1

Author: Randombtsprincessa

Characters: Min Yoongi x Reader

Summary: First Impressions are important, as they say. You and Yoongi just happen to give each other bad ones.

It wasn’t supposed to go this way, I thought to myself dimly as I sat on the edge of the seat, the cold glass of pink liquid swirling in my hand. If it had been any other day of the week, I would’ve just let it all go to hell and taken up my girls on their offer to get me a drink and just spend the night away lazing in the club we were a part of.

I’d decked up in a slinky tank top, a pair of tight glittery pants and knee length heeled boots that would’ve turned heads, especially that of my boyfriend’s, if he’d been here. I took another disgruntled sip from the intoxicating drink and leaned back into my seat, putting my leg up on the glass table in front of the leather couch.

The club Dark Wild lived up to its name with roaring purpose. They kept the exterior simple, black and white brick façade with a neon black and red sign with a withering rose over the entry. It was dark and the cold patchwork tiling around the club gave it a high end feel, which made you feel good about going there. The interior was dark, with flashing lights that allowed complete privacy and yet no one could miss anything. The music thrummed and pulsated in my veins, the trance music lulling me in a welcomed daze.

I loved Dark Wild, I loved coming to the majestic scene that even though could be considered cheap, but it wasn’t. At least not with the amount they charged for a membership.

I remembered the first time I’d come to the club. It had been my first week at college and my best friend Doona and Ara had managed to push and prod me into going to the freshman party which had been held at Dark Wild. There we’d met Yerin and hit it off immediately. The four of us were inseparable now and it had only been a few months till Yerin had managed to convince us all to become members at the club since we never really went anywhere else and you could never be bored at Dark Wild.

Five months later, I’d been the designated driver for the group and while I tried to maintain my slightly more than tipsy friends, I’d bumped into my now boyfriend.

I frowned, the memory going slightly hazy in my buzzed mind.

This was new. I remembered the day I’d met Sehun crystal clearly. I could repeat it in my sleep but lately…

Lately, it had been feeling like the memories of our glory days, the good old days were slipping out of my fingers, like they’d never even been in my grasp. I was scared of that, because the good old days were what I was holding on to in defense to all the time he was losing with me now.

I would never call him out on it.

I wasn’t that girl; the clingy, obsessed girl who couldn’t handle herself without her man for even a few hours.

Sehun was busy, he was trying to get his performing arts degree and it was difficult. He was a dancer and actor and took singing lessons for that added boost so by the time he walked out the class doors and to me, he was only good to flop into my bed and pass out.

It wasn’t like I wasn’t busy either. I had my writing classes, music theory classes, singing, literature and other classes. If anything, recently I’d been feeling busier than Sehun and while he whined that his three classes were taking his soul away, I’d bitten my tongue to keep from complaining about how I was losing both my physical and mental energy.

I had been happy with just singing and writing as extra classes, since they were something I loved doing but since Sehun had once commented about how I’d need more of an added punch I’d signed up for music making classes too. It turned out; I enjoyed them, so naturally I didn’t mind. I was getting ahead and Sehun was happy, it was perfect.

Now, I wasn’t so sure.

He never seemed to be around to seem happy, or maybe that was just me.

“Please, tell me you are not still moping around for Sehun.” A voice moaned from behind me and a sweaty and red faced Yerin dropped down next to me, soon followed by Ara and Doona who looked more than drained. Weekday partying was definitely not down our alleys.

“I’m not moping. You know, I don’t do that.” I pointed out as she neatly plucked my glass out of my hand and threw it down her throat in a neat and almost graceful fling.

“Oh sure, you just haven’t been as cheerful and wild because you’re drowning in classes. Oh wait, that’s not you. Seriously, you’re supposed to be having fun.” Yerin said.

“I am having fun!” I protested.

“Sitting in a corner couch with a single drink is not constituted as fun, Y/N.” Doona drawled. I sighed. Drunken Doona was always cockier than sober Doona.

“She’s right. You look hot today; you should go show off your stuff.” Ara agreed, snuggling into Doona’s side.

“As opposed to how I usually look…?” I asked amused, even as Yerin threw me a disparaging look.

“I did not throw on this awesome dress and drag your butts here for you to sit on yours for the entire night. You will get up, you will go get another drink, you will forget about Sehun for now and you will dance with some random guy who will buy you drinks but you won’t leave with him. Problem solved. Plus, if one of our friends’s here, news will maybe get back to Sehun and he’ll be jealous and he will give you more attention. That’s an added bonus. I’m a goddamn genius.” Yerin let out a wide yawn.

“Or a goddamn idiot,” I muttered.

Sehun very rarely got jealous, he was way too confident, way too knowing of his position in the world and even if he did get jealous, it was never over me. He might get jealous because a spot he wanted in a dance or act was given to someone else or if someone performed better than him and got more praise. These would lead to him showing up on my doorstep and ranting about how the person was clearly a suck-up and how he might have been off his game that day but he was certain to do better and the teacher would see that.

I usually dealt with these situations with silent affirmations and feeding him until he wanted to go to bed or take me to bed. Those were one of the better sexy nights because he needed to prove himself somewhere and what better place to do that but in my bed?

Still, even if those nights were hot, I loved the nights when he would randomly show up with take out, place a sweet kiss on my forehead and we’d eat in front of my TV and then just go to sleep, his head nuzzling mine as he told me about scripts he was working on or a new song. Those were perfect nights with him, nights that never happened anymore.

I had lost my loving, caring boyfriend somewhere in the span of a year and I had no idea how to bring him back, something I now realized my friends had noticed.

I was happy for their support and love. I was also dreading that if they saw this in my relationship; what would it mean for Sehun and me?

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard Ara suddenly screech. “I know! They say the oldest son is going to take over for MYG enterprises soon. He graduated a few years back and rumors are that no one was hotter on the scene than him.” Ara said.

“Didn’t he have a brother?” Doona mumbled sleepily. I wondered if it was time to get them home as Yerin spoke up. “Yes, he’s probably still in college. Here or somewhere else, I don’t know, but I’m sure he’s hot too.” She said.

“Who…?” I asked.

“The company that owns this place, Y/N. MYG Enterprises, talk is it’s going to change hands soon and that maybe the guy will make a round or two here, if we’re lucky we might be able to see Yoonjin and his brother around.” Yerin said.

“I thought Yoonjin was a single child.” I frowned.

“Yeah, he let out in an interview accidentally that he had a younger brother.” Yerin smirked and I knew that whoever this guy was, he’d better beware because she wasn’t about to spare any expense at her disposal.

“Ok enough about this, can we go get Y/N drunk and on the dance floor, now?” Ara burst out and Doona’s drooping eyes snapped open wide.

“If I’m drunk, who the hell is going to get you guys home?” I asked.

“I’ll call someone; you’re the main priority here.” Yerin waved a hand and I was about to open my mouth to protest but I felt my arms being grabbed and my body being lifted out of the seat and towards the bar.

I have no idea how many shots went down my throat. Maybe it was five, maybe it was ten but by the time Yerin finally raised my arms up and hollered “Who’s the champion?” I had lost all count.

My throat burned, my eyes stung, my head spun, my body thrummed…and I had never felt so amazing in the entire week, which is if you don’t count me deliberately sleeping through my alarm, for 11 hours straight and not regretting a single thing. This was as good as that, even if I was going to be punished by a massive hangover and a patronizing speech from Sehun, if he came around that is.

That was when I’d had enough. It was fine if he showed up, smashed and hammered and I had to take care of him. However, if it was me who was messed up, he grudgingly put me to bed and laughed it off when I suffered the next day, followed by how I shouldn’t be drinking if I couldn’t hold my liquor. Well, I was going to show him I could hold my liquor.

“You know what, Sehun can go to hell! I want to dance!” I screamed and the three girls let out loud screams before tugging each other onto the dance floor.

Turns out, the shots weren’t as much as I thought because they wore off as I came back out from my second bathroom break. My lipstick was refreshed and hair back into place, my top pulled back up where it had been exposing a little too much of my cleavage than I’d have liked.

Ara and Doona were already dancing with new guys while Yerin was clearly chatting up some guy. I watched as the guy, looking star struck, raised a hand and almost in a second a pink cocktail was in Yerin’s hand.

She sipped it with a smirk and looked up straight at me, raising her eyebrows. I looked at her confusedly until she pointedly widened her eyes, her head tilting ever so slight until I understood.

“Get some random guy to buy you a drink but don’t leave with him.”

Her words rang in my head as I looked around but there was not one single guy who was unattended at the bar. I knew Yerin was still watching me so I subtly avoided her gaze, going to sit at the bar, behind the glass partition where she wouldn’t see that I wasn’t chatting up a guy, I was just sitting alone.

I sipped on the custom red drink slowly, trying not to lose the heady buzz in my head. I knew that the second it wore off, I would feel guilty.

I would feel guilty for sitting here; sipping on a drink while my friends encouraged me to use a guy to get more drinks and not going against it while my boyfriend probably slept back home. I would feel guilty for actually waiting for some guy to look good enough to my dazed brain to flirt with while my boyfriend slogged in his work.

Speaking of the devil, my phone buzzed at the same time and one glance at it told me it was my boyfriend, asking me if I was going to come over. Sober me would have said no. Drunk me was going to be petty and ignore the text completely, followed with a snort of disgust and shake of head. Even then, I should’ve felt guilty.

I should’ve also most definitely felt guilty when my eyes caught a boy who looked almost perfect to be the ‘guy’ for the night.

I should’ve felt guilty for noticing the way he slumped in his seat, a single glass of some clear liquid in front of him, as if he was doing the club a favor by sitting in one of its barstools. He was sitting four seats away from me; at the bend of the rectangular bar counter and it gave me the perfect vantage point to study him.

He wasn’t jacked up, or even slightly bulky, instead his body seemed to comprise of smooth muscles, his legs, slim and encased in pale blue jeans that someone seemed to have painstakingly ripped. The sleeves of a grey shirt that clearly emphasized his chest peeked from under his jacket, frayed. The jacket was black, badges stuck on it like medals. I didn’t know if it was the club lighting or the alcohol in my system but his hair was ridiculous. It looked like it was mint green.

Normally, I was the type of person who could curb my curious urges. They always seemed to kill the cat more often than satisfy but I was drunk enough to ignore that small voice that told me not to go and talk to him.

I tossed back my drink, relishing the way it rested, coolly on my tongue but burned its way down my throat, finally ending with spice in my stomach. It added a small boost to my step as I walked to him.

I told myself I wasn’t blatantly checking him out as I neared. I had to admit that the features that looked so small from afar, sharpened nicely with closure. By the time I was standing right next to him, I could tell he was a good-looking man. His hair was also, as I said before was actually a shade of pale mint green.

I was so caught up in staring at the hair; I didn’t notice that the boy had turned his head, watching me stare at him.

“Can I help you?”

I started slightly at the gruff voice before I realized that he was speaking to me. My eyes darted to his face to see him turned towards me, eyebrows raised. His eyes were distinctly cat like, the ends angling up, the dark color glinting in the flashing lights. His skin was pale and smooth, almost like porcelain; I couldn’t help but think it looked pretty.

“I’m sorry, I was just…your hair,” I mumbled out, watching as his eyebrows climbed higher. He reached towards his glass and raised it to his mouth, taking a gulp, his tongue sliding out and running across his lower lip. My eyes watched the motion before meeting his eyes again.

“Yeah, what about it?” he asked.

“It looks cool. I’ve never seen that kind of color before.” I said.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, running his fingers through his hair, turning back, glancing at me once when a ring blared around us. It took me a moment to realize it was my phone and I dug it out quickly, looking disgruntled at the ID.

Sehun.

Why was he calling me now? Did he get home and was looking for some time with me? That happened rarely nowadays. What, did he expect that I would always be around for him to spread out his fingers and I would come to him like a dog? He could stew today.

I let the call go to voicemail, looking back up at the handsome stranger to see him smirking.

“Boyfriend troubles?”

I frowned at that. Why would he jump to that conclusion? No matter the fact that he was in fact correct.

“What, no, I just –”

“You’re just mad at your man so you troll around the club, commenting on people’s hairs? Or were you trying to see if I’d offer you a drink?” he asked.

I blanched, the haze slowly reducing as shock at his rude bluntness fought with the alcohol.

“Just so you know I don’t do that. I’m not into buying drinks for any odd girl who comes about saying my hair looks cool.” He said coldly. I clenched my fist, glaring at the stranger.

Maybe that was why I’d originally sat around but there was no way I’d gone to him for a drink. I was just drunk…and stupid, now it seems. Suddenly it struck me that maybe taking Sehun’s call would’ve been better.

“Of course not! I told you, I thought your hair looked cool. I don’t use that line on people I want buying my drinks.” I said.

“What do you do then? You don’t seem to be like the girl who uses pick-up lines, do you maybe flash them?” he smirked again, his eyes hovering around my neck area.

I backed up, my shock easily melting into outrage.

“What the hell is your problem?” I asked my voice close to screeching.

Had I done something wrong? The only thing I’d done was gawk at him and comment on his stupid hair. Was it a touchy subject?

“My problem? I’m not the one hanging about a club looking for free drinks. Maybe you should move ahead. I hear the guys over there are into that kind of thing. You probably won’t even need to flash them. They’ll let you do that later.” He waved his now empty glass somewhere towards the back where usually the rich kids with no personality at all hung out.

“Screw you…” I trailed off when I realized that I didn’t even know his name.

He laughed a raspy, caustic laughter that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and a shiver run down my spine at the acid in it. “Sorry, sweetheart, but it’s not your night.” He said, standing up and making me back up as he towered over me, looking me over once with mocking vehemence.

The proximity between us only made my breath catch and I gritted my teeth as my slow and dumb body tried to combat the hypnotic aura oozing out of the man. It definitely wasn’t helping. I could already feel blind hatred cloud his beautiful image in my mind.

I wanted to slap him. Hard, the kind of slap that would echo in the club, draw a few eyes and leave a red mark on his cheek, serving a reminder to never talk to girls like that. He’d basically called me a slut, in way too many sentences.

He smoothly slid away from me as if he could read my mind, zipping up his jacket and tossing me one last smile which would’ve passed for a soft, fond smile between two close friends parting if it wasn’t for the horrible things he’d said to me just a few minutes before.

“Oh, the name’s Min Yoongi.”

With that he turned on his heel and vanished somewhere in the darker depths of the club.

Around me the music kept on thrumming as I tried to hold back an expletive that would most likely be very loud and get me into trouble. Not to mention, if the girls saw me like that, they would ask questions.

There was no way Yerin was going to let some guy call me out on something that degrading and let him walk away. I had his name. She would find him and she would make him wish he’d never been born. Although, it didn’t seem like Min Goddamn Yoongi was the type to wish he’d never been born. He definitely thought he was a gift to God’s green earth.

My phone rang again and this time, I pushed past people to get out of the club before accepting Sehun’s call.

“Y/N? Baby, what’s wrong? Why didn’t you answer earlier?” he asked immediately, his voice going from concerned to demanding in a millisecond.

“Sorry Sehun, Yerin and the girls dragged me to Dark Wild today; I didn’t hear the first call.” I said through pursed lips. “Oh, ok…well, if you’re done, do you want to come over? I’m exhausted and I have your favorite food and movie. We could have a quiet night in.” he said.

I almost sighed in delight. This was my boyfriend, the one who cared about these things for me. Small, meaningful things that made me smile. I nodded even when he couldn’t see me. “Yes please, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I muttered, walking towards the main road and hailing a taxi. I hung up and sent the girls a quick text, letting them know I was tired and going home.

Leaning my head back on the soft leather, I spat a mental ‘fuck you’ to Min Yoongi again and returned to thoughts of Sehun, pushing back any image of stupid mint green hair that my mind threw at me.

[rowxngreen]

18 years old from tucker, atlanta and has lived in atlanta for 18 years . currently working as a computer repair person/staff at his family’s store in marietta [ kit , 25 , mst ] | @atlanta-rpg​

tw: self harm, depression, sexual assault, substance use

Age: 18

Gender: Transmasculine, he/him

[Boxcar - Jawbreakers] - “Uhhh, shit, I guess if I had to pick a theme song it’d be Boxcar. I like the whole vibe of it, like, calling out punk purists. Punk should have no room for purism. If you say you’re a punk and you’re not a nazi, cause in the words of Dead Kennedys ‘nazi punks fuck off,’ you’re welcome. That’s what the whole point of punk was, dude. It’s the ultimate counter culture movement ‘cause it welcomes fucking everyone unlike mainstream culture.”

D.O.B: February 14, 2001

“Why the name Rowan?”

“So, like, originally I was named Hannah. Which is totally a bullshit name and when I met my forever family I decided to give myself a new name and I wanted it to be all nature-y because they all had nature names. They like helped me look and I found Rowan and read this folklore about how a rowan tree was where the devil hanged his mother and I knew right then. That was my name.”

Ethnicity: Half white, half mestizo

Enneagram: 8

Relationship Status: single - “Single and definitely not ready to mingle. If it happens it happens but I sure as hell ain’t seeking it out and I don’t think it’s gonna happen anyways so it don’t fucking matter.”

Sexual Orientation: Unsure  “Yeah, I don’t really wanna think about sexy shit. I was raped as a kid, I’m not especially into remembering it. And all this sexual orientation shit makes me remember it.”

Appearance:

Height: 5’0

Build: Smaller than he looks from far away. He’s actually really tiny. And he hates it.

If he wasn’t so intimidating he could be cute. With a small stature, high cheekbones, a cocky swagger and big brown eyes he is definitely attractive. But the scowl that takes over his features whenever he’s around someone he doesn’t trust and the aggression that seems to exude from every pore disguises that attractiveness pretty well.

Ripped flannels paired with crop tops and t-shirts layered with fishnets are among Rowan’s signature looks. There’s something decidedly sexual about how he dresses but he doesn’t seem to register that. He just wears what he likes and hopes will scare people. He displays his self harm scars like a badge of honor – or insanity. They seem to warn: I AM UNSTABLE, DON’T FUCKING TALK TO ME.

Look at Rowan the wrong way and at the very least he’ll gnash his teeth at you. At the most he’ll pull a knife on you and threaten to gouge out your eyes if you ever look at him again. He claims he tried to once but that’s unlikely. He would be in jail if that was the case. …right? Better not to risk it.

History:

Rowan was born to a teenage mother in an abusive household.

When Melissa Webber got pregnant at only age 15 she knew she would be in trouble. Her father, Frank, wouldn’t approve. Melissa kept it from the man as long as she could. Eventually, of course, he found out. Frank was livid. Melissa was banned from leaving their little trailer, she was banned from seeing her friends, and she was even banned from seeing her boyfriend of just over a year and the father of her baby.  She was to be homeschooled for the rest of her high school career so, in the words of Frank, she could no longer “be a slut.”

Her baby was born on Valentine’s Day in a house with no love left. Melissa’s mother had died when Melissa was only 11, and it often felt like she took any warmth and care that had been lingering in the corners of rooms, hidden among the shadows with her. How funny then that Rowan, initially named Hannah Jane, was born on Valentine’s day.

Frank’s anger and the isolation he forced on Melissa eventually pushed the girl to run away. Rowan was only 6 months old. She initially swore she would be back for her baby when she had a safe place to stay. She never came back. Before Melissa left, Rowan had been largely ignored by Frank. Now, however, he became the scapegoat. Melissa hadn’t left because she was isolated from the world. Nor, apparently, had she left because of the intense abuse she faced. Instead, according to Frank, she had left because the baby had ruined her life.

Frank turned this rage on the baby. Rowan’s earliest memories involve him being tied onto a tiny children’s chair for hours because Frank didn’t want him to make a mess in the house; Frank coming into the bedroom at night to ‘visit’ with him in a way that, to this day, has left Rowan extremely anxious about sex and sex repulsed; Frank holding his hand against a hot burner to 'teach [him] a lesson’ (Rowan was never told what the lesson was); having his face pushed under water in the bath to stop him from crying; and other acts that could only be described as torture. Rowan lead an extremely isolated life for the first several years of his life. He was homeschooled, like his mother, and besides Frank and a handful of Frank’s friends he was largely alone. Most of his socialization came from the television. Frank justified this by saying school was how Melissa got pregnant so he wouldn’t “make the mistake of sending another one there to be a slut.” Instead rowan was kept inside the house during school hours.

It had been noted that Frank was capable of abuse and neglect when Melissa was little (she had spent several months in the system when she’d come to school with visible bruises as a child), however, for the first 7.5 years of Rowan’s life, overworked and under-competent social workers consistently overlooked the abuse in the Webber household. Eventually one of the social workers noticed and cared enough to go through the proper procedures to get Rowan out of that living situation. She reported it to her supervisor and a full scale investigation was launched. The abuse was soon discovered through talking to and examining Rowan and Rowan was removed from the situation. For the first time in his life, he was safe – though Rowan did not know what ‘safe’ meant or felt like yet.

Rowan was given a temporary placement in the Green household, because, at the time, the Greens were acting as an emergency house for children who had just been taken away from their parents. He was only supposed to be with them a week but the Green adults fell in love with the skittish, self reliant child they had taken in. They asked for him to stay with them and began the process of adopting him soon after.  It took a long time for Rowan to realize he was safe and he was loved. For months he put up with people touching him because he was afraid that if he spoke out he would face some sort of punishment. For months he distrusted everyone in the Green household despite how much they loved him. He was always wary, always waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to be hurt again. He was placed into therapy when he was young and has gone off and on since.

The Greens are a stereotypical homeschool family. Rowan was kid number 11, they own their own business and they bake their own bread. Mr. Green is a carpenter and Mrs. Green runs the little gift shop + bakery in Marietta. There were so many siblings that the older ones had to help care for the little ones when the younger ones were little. To this day the entire family is very close knit and the older siblings constantly rely on the younger ones to watch their children.

The Greens practice a form of schooling called unschooling. It is a child-led education where children get to decide what they study and when. Additionally, they’re what’s called whole-life unschoolers and the green parents take a stance on parenting where they don’t give their children orders. They talk to them and treat them as if they are capable of making their own choices and decisions, except when it is something that puts their health at risk.

Rowan thrives with that educational setting. He learned to read so he could use his brother’s computer, he learned math while cooking and found it fascinating so he learned it more in depth, he learned how to build robots and how to break into the coding of popular websites well enough that he even figured out how to monetize it when he was 12 (he tests websites for weaknesses and when he finds them he points it out and gets paid to do so). He learned how to play keyboard and guitar and began recording and publishing his music on Soundcloud and Youtube.

Within a few months of living with his new family, his new dad built him a beautiful, fully enclosed, treehouse in the large tree in their backyard. Rowan loved it so much he lived in it for almost a year only coming in to use the bathroom or on the most sweltering days when his family insisted he stay cool inside. He took his baths in the kiddie pool since he lived “outside in [his] own house now.”

Around this time he got a pirate costume and a knight costume. He changed his name to Rowan and began to trade off between wearing those two costumes. When he was in the knight costume he insisted on being called Brave Sir Rowan. When he was a pirate he insisted he was Cap’n Ro.

For a period of Rowan’s life you wouldn’t know he went through the abuse he went through. He seemed happy, healthy, well adjusted.

And then puberty hit.

With puberty came deep gender dysphoria. Suddenly his body was changing in ways he hated. He was developing curves and stopped growing. All the mental illness his family thought they had under control resurfaced along with a large new helping of self-loathing triggered by dysphoria.

Rowan began to self harm. It started small. He would lie in bed and fantasize about cutting off the parts of him that didn’t look right when he saw himself in the mirror. One night, he crawled out of bed and grabbed a kitchen knife and tried cutting his breasts just to see if it was possible. The scratch was so small it didn’t bleed. But, relief flooded through him. He was able to breathe and the crushing weight of dread had let up just a bit. He stopped crying and crawled back into bed and slept well for the first time in weeks.

Whenever he was upset he began to run to the sharp sting of a blade. He stole a pocket knife and a pack of razors and hid them in his treehouse. His family discovered the harm almost a year after he started. By then the little scratches had turned into proper injuries. He was immediately sent back to therapy and was diagnosed with gender dysphoria soon after. 

Rowan socially transitioned. It helped a little bit but pandora’s box was open. His brain had tasted self destruction and it was hooked.

The last several years have been a slow but steady spiral downwards. He made friends with other sad, breaking kids and they broke together. They began to experiment with alcohol and substance use young, Rowan would swear he’s fine but whenever you put alcohol in his hands he binge drinks to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible. Whenever there’s a chance for him to get high off something new he takes it, barring only the most stigmatized of drugs.

Somewhere during this spiral he realized the easiest way to make people leave him alone was to scare them. So he began dressing in ways he thought would scare them and carrying himself like at any moment he could snap.

Personality:

“Sometimes I wonder what his life could have been if he had come to us as a baby and if we had known about his gender. You should have seen him when he was little. He was such a cute kid and was so passionate about, well, everything. And he’s so smart it’s intimidating. But then he hit puberty and we all lost what little stability he had. Last time I talked to mom, I heard he set a trashcan in the park on fire while he was drunk or high or both and it breaks my heart because I know he’s a good kid underneath it all. He’s just a good kid who’s really struggling right now. I hate it because I can’t even trust him to be alone with my kids anymore. What if that comes out around them and he hurts my crew?” – Clay Green, older brother.

“Rowan likes to act like he’s tough shit but he’s not. He can’t sleep unless he has his favorite stuffed animal with him and once I saw him crying over the sounds sloths make. The tough guy act is just that. An act. I mean, look at his cat. He only has the thing because he saw it was scared and got gentle with it. And now he’s the only person that cat tolerates and he has it perched in his tree house half the time so you can’t even go up there if you’re not him. Which, like, not cool when your little brother is practically sprinting to a drug addicted future and you really should be making sure he doesn’t have the worst of it in your parents house.” – Rosemary Green, older sister.

At first interaction it’s easy to think Rowan is all rough and ready to fight. And that’s exactly what he wants you to think. His fighter persona is designed to scare anyone who would hurt him away. Give him some time and a little patience and it becomes obvious that Rowan is much more complex than that. Rowan is confusing. There are so many elements to him that it’s hard for any one person to get a full picture of him.

There’s his brash fighter side – the part of him that stabbed a child for being mean to his sister once. There’s the sweet side of him that takes lost animals and lost people under his wing and cares for them when they can’t seem to care for themselves.

There’s the engineer part of him that builds useless robots constantly just because he’s bored. There’s the witch part of him that has an altar in his bedroom and that celebrates every pagan holiday he knows about so none of the gods feel left out.

There’s still a childlike part of him that hangs out in the tree fort his dad made him as a kid and still holds conversations between his stuffed animals. There’s the teenage part of him that’s looking for any substance to numb the pain of becoming an adult coupled with the pain of his past.

There’s the creative part of him that comes up with bizarre ideas for robots, off the wall pranks (like leaving loaves of homemade bread all over someone’s living space) and interprets almost every song he likes into his own version. And then there’s the part of him that named his cat “Cat.”

Rowan is nothing if not complicated and confusing. He doesn’t mind that though. He’s used to being the smartest person in any room he’s in but he doesn’t make it a big deal. He just watches everyone else and works on mentally figuring out how to fix the coding of whatever website he’s working on at the moment.

He doesn’t love easily but when he loves he loves deeply and unconditionally. If you find yourself lucky enough to be one of Rowan’s chosen few know you will have him on your side for life. He’s ride or die with everyone he cares about.

Hobbies:

Robotics

Singing (he actually has a really good voice)

Collecting stuffed animals

Programming

Baking (he works at a bakery but he also just enjoys it)

Sloths. They’re his favorite thing in this world and he is almost obsessive in his quest to see sloths, collect sloth mementos, and learn sloth facts.

Trivia:

Rowan has a car named Bloody Mary. It’s an old fashioned VW Beetle he spray painted black and red. He got a beetle because he “wanted to inspire violence in children.”

He’s really good with anything that uses his hands. Baking, playing guitar, building robots, etc. If it’s a hands-on, kinesthetic task Rowan excels at it.

He is terrified of butterflies and giraffes.

He collects stuffed animals so intensely that it can be hard to walk in his bedroom because there are so many stuffed animals lying around. He sleeps with a build-a-bear every night who he’s named Floyd and a stuffed animal of the Peanuts character Woodstock (who he has named Oscar).

Health:

Rowan downplays how he’s feeling most of the time. The physical abuse and neglect he faced as a child left him with chronic pain. He doesn’t mention it very often. He doesn’t want to admit to any weaknesses. If you watch him closely enough you’ll notice him rubbing his joints or squirming in his seat. Those are his biggest tells with his pain.

At 7 he was diagnosed with dyslexia and he still struggles to read and code (coding is worth the struggle, reading is not). At 13 he was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. Besides changing his pronouns he doesn’t seem too interested in transitioning (he’ll tell you he doesn’t see a point but in reality he’s afraid of the medical procedures involved). At 15 he was diagnosed with mood disorder not otherwise specified. He was given medication that he promptly threw out but he still attends weekly therapy sessions to try and help.

He doesn’t think it’s doing anything but sometimes it’s just easier to go along with the things expected of you.

Connections:

Bandmates: Rowan can either be the lead singer, guitar or bass/keyboards but the band should definitely be punk/post-punk influenced. I’m super broad within that. Want a sound closer to Pale Waves? Cool, sounds good. You into The Smiths and want that dance depression? kk, you got it. you into old school punk and want melvins vibe? coolcoolcool, love to live hard dude

Friends: Rowan might be a little shit but he’s a little shit who has a handful of friends. Because he’s the youngest sibling in his household, he gets along with older people really well.

Mentors: This lost teen needs people to look up to. It takes a lot to break through to him but he needs someone who’ll try.

Adversaries: These are people who rowan Does Not get along with. This can be for personality reasons or just simply because they try to keep him out of trouble and he wants very much to be in trouble.

Biological Dad: I love the idea of Rowan’s dad watching from the sidelines and watching Rowan grow up but not being able to legally reach out until Rowan is an adult. NOTE: Rowan’s dad needs to be hispanic. Rowan himself is half hispanic and it’s not on his mom’s side bc I wasn’t about to make the brown people abusive and add to that stigma.

Reluctant Romance: Rowan doesn’t want to date. He really doesn’t. BUT! I love the idea of him falling for someone and someone falling for him. I’m even down for an uncomfortable age difference so long as that’s acknowledged in plot. ;)

[lesbianbruabba]

Answer all the qs! Unless theres any you don’t want to do

Mobile so these are ugly sowwy

1:Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

Well I just spent my night watching exurb1a that p much explains it

2:Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Sometimes?

3:If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

I’m pro legalization but if it’s an addiction obviously I’d try and prevent further damage. If it’s well controlled i don’t mind.

4:Do you find it easy to trust others?

I trust too easily so yeah

5:What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Watching exurb1a, or wanking, or looking at takeouts on Deliveroo

6:You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

Probably my brother or one of my best friends

7:What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

Cry

8:Are you close with your dad?

Fairly close imo. But we have a lot of opposing views and I have to try and overlook those.

9:I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

No?

10:What are you listening to?

Magic by Coldplay @samrull can suck my dick

11:You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Cum fanta lemon

12:Do you like hickeys?

YES unless they’re on my boobs then NO bc I used to have like massive ones and I couldn’t sleep on my back

13:What time do you go to bed?

Hahahhahahahaaha you must be new here

14:Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

My mother

15:Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

Yea

16:Do you always answer your texts?

Most of the time unless I’m tired

17:Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

No

18:When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

Like a few minutes ago with Iza bc I pester her a lot

19:Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

My little brother and all my best friends

20:What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I went to bed yesterday morning but my last thought was ‘I love Tom Holland’

21:Is anyone else in the room with you?

No. I don’t think so

22:Do you believe what goes around comes around?

No

23:Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

Yes. On the 30th December I was probably hanging out with my brother.

24:Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

A few. Some are beyond repair, others are just lost chances.

25:In the past week, have you cried?

Lmao. Yeah. A lot.

26:What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

White with pink and blue argyle patterns

27:Do people ever call you by your last name?

No. I would hate that

28:Is anyone ignoring you right now?

Probably? Idk

29:Do you have a best friend?

I have 7 bitch

30:Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

No

31:Who was your last call/text message from?

Iza

32:Are you mad at anyone?

Yeah. Pro lifers.

33:Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes

34:How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

23? Idk I don’t remember

35:How many more days until your birthday?

Like 3 months minus a bit.

36:Do you have any summer plans yet?

Yeah! I’m going to Poland with my mum. Then I’m going home and going to suffer in the HK heat.

37:Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

Yes. Two, one is my brother.

38:Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

No. I’m an open book lol

39:Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

I don’t think so??

40:Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

No

41:Do you think age matters in relationships?

Depends on the age gap and the ages of the parties involved

42:Are you available?

Yes

43:How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

1 or 2

44:If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

Nose ring but not septum. On the side of my nose

45:Do you believe exes can be friends?

Yes if they put effort into it

46:Do you regret anything?

A lot.

47:Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

Turbulent is such a good song also I want thanos to raw me

48:Did you ever lose a best friend?

I’ve ghosted a best friend if that counts bc she’s toxic as fuck

49:Was your last kiss a mistake?

No

50:Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

Bc they don’t like me back lmao and also ‘pursuing’ sounds kind of predatory??

51:Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

No

52:Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

Not really

53:What was the last thing you ate?

A weird cake that was sweet but I couldn’t pinpoint the flavor

54:Did you get any compliments today?

Yes

55:Where are you going on your next vacation?

June to Poland

56:Do you own anything from other countries?

Yeah I have dolls from Belgium and Poland and Japan and also some trinkets from other places

57:Are most of your friend guys or girls?

The majority are girls

58:Where have you lived most of your life?

Tseung kwan o

59:When was the last time you took a long drive?

I don’t drive :D

60:Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

No

61:Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

No! I’m a good girl uwu

62:Who do you text the most?

Probably Iza

63:What was the last movie you saw?

Endgame but it’s a bad stream of it

64:What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

Don’t have one

65:How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

66:Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

No. You asked this question earlier

67:Do you curse around your parents?

Hell nah they’d ground me even though I’m nineteen

68:Are you happy with where you live?

Not really but it’s okay

69:Picture of yourself?

70:Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

Personally I’m monogamous

71:Have you ever been dumped?

No

72:What do you most like about making out?

It’s hot

73:Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

Yes

74:When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

Both?

75:What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

Face

76:Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

Iza or my brother’s gf

77:Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

No

78:Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

No

79:What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

Dogs

80:Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

NOPE

81:Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

No lol have you seen what I look like

82:Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

Depends on who the crush is and who I tell. Usually I tell my brother and maaaaaybe some of my more sensible friends

83:Do you miss your last sweetie?

???????????

84:Last time you slow danced with someone?

Uhh never. I wish I did though that sounds cool

85:Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

Nope

86:How can I win your heart?

Make me a playlist and be honest with me. Also be funny

87:What is your astrological sign?

Leo but I’m more of a cancer

88:What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Eating my takeout and watching exurb1a

89:Do you cook?

I make a good risotto and also potato dauphinois. But otherwise no

90:Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

Don’t got one

91:If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

Hells yeah @wlw hit me up

92:Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

The latter

93:What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

A nice face. I like older blondes when it comes to women and less muscley men. Generally for everyone, the more feminine the better.

94:Name four things that you wish you had!

Bigger eyes, a boney figure, fluency in all languages, more brain cells

95:Are you a player?

I play the ukulele

96:Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

No

97:Are you a tease?

I plead the fifth

98:Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

Yeah a few and they were all v sweet gals

99:Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

I don’t know

100:Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

Yeah

101:Hugs or Kisses?

Hugs!!!!

102:Are you too shy to ask someone out?

I don’t think so

103:The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Eyes

104:Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

Yes!! And I call everyone that except my brother he’s dickhead

105:If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

No!!

106:Do you flirt a lot?

Depends on who you are and how well you know me

107:Your last kiss?

Last year

108:Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

No

109:Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

Lmao no

110:If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

One of the people I’m crushing on probably. Or Zach Grace

111:Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

No, that’s an interesting question though.

112:Does someone like you currently?

Probably not. Again, refer to picture of me

113:Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

Yeah I always fuckin do

114:Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious relationships

115:Ever made out with just a friend?

Yes

116:Are you happier single or in a relationship?

Well I’ve only experienced the former so

Thanks for the questions sorry they’re ugly im also ugly but I’m sure u arent

[nityarawal]

11/18/22

Afternoon Songs

Dosy-Doe Out The Door

Sitting At Home

Warm And Cozy

In My New Sherpa

Electric Fleece Blanket

Making The Cold Mountains

Seem Warmer

Drinking Pommegranite Juice

Holing Up

I Could Be Driving Hours

To Call SSI

Jump Thru Hoops

To Confirm I'm Hungry

And Need Cal Fresh

Still Of Course

Like Last Month 

When They Threatened

The Same Way

Got Their Urgent Letter

Left A Message Yesterday

It's Too Much

50 Billion

Living Below The Poverty Line

I See Your Issues America

I Witnessed Them 

Through Divorce

So I Can Aid

Speak Up

Where Are All The People

Fell Through The Cracks

Be A Witness

To #FreeBritney

And Millions Attacked

We Don't Want Your

#CareCourt

Your Medical Mistakes

2 Clark Attys

1 Judge Clark

And A Editor Couple

Owns Idyllwild Town 

Crier 

I Dated Andy Byrd Clark

When I Was 15

He Drove With Me

In My Red Alpha Romeo

Making My Permit Legal

He Never Slept With Me

He Was A Handsome

Smokey Eyed Model

Type From Bozeman

Montana

Big Boned And Blonde

Rugged

Divine

He Wrote Cartoons and Poetry For Illustrating Little

Birds Of Love

Nity-Bird He Called

The Character

Who Was Meant To 

Be Me

Tiny Tweetie

With Freckles

Andy Byrd Was My

Best Friend For Years

In College

Until He Vanished

In Florida Keys

He Stayed In Touch

For Years

Always Called

Modeling

Scubadiving

We Looked For Him

On Facebook

MUM

MIU Community

Have You Seen

Andy Byrd Clark

It's A Mystery

When He Was Dating

Devi I Met Him

He Asked Me Out

That Night

"But Is It OK With Her?"

I Asked

"Yes"- Was His Reply

"Because I Like You,"

Helped Me Clean Up 

Late Night Jacuzzi Party

He Lingered

To Ask Me Out

Gentlemanly-Like

Us

I Called Devi Just To Confirm

"Are You Sure?"

She Said She Had No 

Choice- "He Likes You,"

"OK We'll See What Happens,"

We Fell In Love

Nity-Byrd

And Andy-Byrd

Were so Happy We Flew

Mr. Hansen

My Drivers Ed Teacher

Could Never Catch Me

Breaking The Law

For I Had My 23 Year Old

Ken Doll

Andy Byrd

Planted By My Side

In Iowa Your Legal 

To Drive At 14

If You Have A Permit

And An Adult

In The Passenger Seat

Andy Byrd Was A Good

Alibi - My Ken Doll

No One Could Believe 

We Were So Lucky

We Fell Out 8 Months

Later After Snuggling

And Surviving Cold Sub-Zero Winter

A Stupid Fight Over A

Late Video On A Colf

Winters Night

Subzero

And My Reputation

On The Line

The Next Night

Andy Byrd Slept

With A Best Friend Vayya

I Guess 8 Months

Was Too Long

Too Wait

I Wore Sexy Mini Dresses

Electric Blue

Bought In Iowa City

At Catherine's Boutique

Latest Rage

Offset My Suntan Nicely

A Black Push Up Bra

And A Mermaid Blue

Swimsuit

Paddleball

He Wanted Me Back

He Slept With Another MSAE Sister

And I Could Only

Tease Him After That

Andy Byrd

My First Big Bird

Andy Bird Divine

Why'd You Have To Be A "Clark"

We're You Sent To Witchhunt

Divas

And Debutantes 

Of Fairfield Iowa

You Tripped For Years

Partied Hard

With The Bros

And Karate Boys Club

Dated The Prettiest

Petite Delicate

Foreigners

First Katya

A Russian New York

Belly Dancer

Pretty Gypsy With A Pierced Nose

Like Radha

Worked So Hard 

At The Cafe

No Time To Play

Krishna Eyes

Then Claudia

The Littlest

Barbie

Mini Glamour Gal 

Latina

From Dominica

You Ever Saw

She Had Perfect Bone

Structure

The Little Birds

Just Kept Getting Smaller

Until One Day

We Flew Off

And Now In My 40's

Am Flapping My

Wings On Twitter

Wondering What Happened

To Your Mom

Paula Clark

What Happened To Your 

Rellies In Montana 

And Why'd Monika's 

Sister Ildi Marry

Dr. Jason Clark 

Child Psychologist Off Match.com

Why'd A Fairfield Girl

From Budapest Hungary 

A Montessori Teacher

I Almost Hired

For "™" School

Why Was She Engaged 

To My Tween Boyfriend

Josha And Why'd

She Marry My Best Friend's

X Off Match.com

Dr. Jason Clark

Tests The Little People 

Why Didn't He Help

My Children Speak Up

And Why'd His Sister

Monika Marry My

Other Teen Love

Kelsey  Mullen

Why'd These Gals Witch Hunt

Us Like Communists

From College

Monika Tried To Set

Up Brotherly Haydn

Before Ildiko Went 

Off The Market

Haydy Said

"I Wish She Was More

Like Her Little Sister,"

Strange That He Would Go

Get Hunted Down

On Match.com

When He Was Once

Intuitive

And Avoided

A Fodor Gal

Monika Set Up

My X With Her Best Friend

Sonya Sweitch Goodwin

A Massage Therapist

From Texas

A Marine's Daughter

Doing Happy Endings

Also Going Through Divorce

Tried To Set Me Up 

With Her X Loser Husband

Keith

She Festered In My Family

Like Her Lacy Flat Chested

Nylon Tube Top Bra

In My Lexus Glovebox

Box with All My Toyota Receipts

From The Hit And Run

Khaki

Poly

Is That What She Seduced

Him With

Left In My Drawer

To Shock Me

Before Sending Pictures 

Of Her Tired Breasts To Darin

On My Drop Box

To Crash My Computer

System

He Liked Them

Is That Why Monika

And Ildiko Chased

Us From Iowa

To Encinitas

"When Your Karmas

Over- It's Over,"

My Mom Said

Monika Acted Surprised

Said She Didn't Know

About Her Best Friend

Sonya

And Sunil

Told Me Lots Of Lies

When They Came Out

With Vasectomy

And Boob Job

4 Months Later

Monika Seemed 

Surprised

Shocked

And I Bought

Her Honeyed Gaslighting

Because I wanted My

Sisters To Love Me

So That's The Saga

Of The Hungarian Sisters

Who Came Into My

Family

Duplicitous

Now Go 

That's The Story Of How

We Got Bulldozed

By Monika Fodor

And Her Family

Maybe Another Spy

Maybe Cambridge Analytica

Always Seemed She

Thought She Was In A Club

With My X

We Thought It Was European

But Maybe Something More

Post Apocalypse

Plea Bargains

For She Was The One

Of Many

That Dosy-Doed

Me Out The Door

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal 

[death-noot]

1-116 👈👈😎

lez do this 

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? kinda just confused about whether or not im making the right choice moving back home idk 

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? sure do

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? of course not 

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? most of the time yeah 

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? trying to sleep 

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? deffo my pal madi, we’ve done this multiple times

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? i honestly dont know 

8: Are you close with your dad? sure am

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? the human i kiss is 7 hours away from me so sadly i did not. 

10: What are you listening to? tell me that i’m wrong by future jr. 

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? fk me probably like juice or somethin 

12. Do you like hickeys? yess

13: What time do you go to bed? usually about 10ish

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? nah 

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? god no 

16: Do you always answer your texts? ya 

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? nope i love her quite a bit 

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? earlier today

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? multiple people 

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?i hope we’re okay 

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? nope  

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? definitely 

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? im much happier now 

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? nah 

25: In the past week, have you cried? nope

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? kinda a navy blue 

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? yep 

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? dont think so 

29: Do you have a best friend? ye

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? depends on the context of the kisss 

31: Who was your last call from? my sister 

32: Are you mad at anyone? nope 

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? lol yes 

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 25 

35: How many more days until your birthday? fk like just under a year 

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? kinda  

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? not really 

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? nope 

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? nope

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? yuP

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? obviously yes like if someones in their teens but i feel like past that its not so bad 

42: Are you available? depends on what that means 

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? 2

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? nose probs 

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? ye

46: Do you regret anything? REALLY regret leaving school 

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? my girlfriend bc im gay 

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? ye

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? no

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? she’s already mine but i never wanna stop trying to impress her 

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? nope

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? yes jesus christ 

53: What was the last thing you ate? a schnitty 

54: Did you get any compliments today? dont think so 

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? goin to see the girly 

56: Do you own anything from other countries? yep 

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? girls 

58: Where have you lived most of your life? always lived in the same small town 

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? today 

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? nope

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? nope

62: Who do you text the most? Rach 

63: What was the last movie you saw? the happytime murders i think 

64: What���s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? hopefully a lot of things

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010? none lmfao 

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? only by a few months 

67: Do you curse around your parents? ye

68: Are you happy with where you live? fuck no 

69. Picture of yourself? i cbf right now i’ll post one tomorrow lmao  

70. Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? monogamous, i get rly possessive lmao 

71. Have you ever been dumped? kinda 

72. What do you most like about making out? all the grabbing and lil noises   73. Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? mhm

74. When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? the other 

75. What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? eyes 

76. Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? rach 

77. Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? nope 

78. Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? nope 

79. What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? rach, jesus im soft 

80. Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? probably not

81. Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? ya 

82. Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? not really 

83. Do you miss your last sweetie? what does this mean 

84. Last time you slow danced with someone? nope 

85. Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? kinda 

86. How can I win your heart? be urself, make me laugh, do nice things for me

87. What is your astrological sign? scorpio 

88. What were you doing last night at 12 AM? sleepin 

89. Do you cook? not often 

90. Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? nope

91. If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? 

92. Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? i feel like i fall into monogamy pretty quick 

93. What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? funny, kind, considerate, 

94. Name four things that you wish you had: money, full licence, money, money

95. Are you a player? nah 

96. Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? nope

97. Are you a tease? I’ve been told i can be lmao 

98. Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? i think so 

99. Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? rn  

100. Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? platonic dates sure 

101. Hugs or Kisses? b o t h 

102. Are you too shy to ask someone out? usually lmao 

103. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? how tall they are or their hair tbh 

104. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? luv it 

105. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? tbh probably i’m a dick 

106. Do you flirt a lot? not really 

107. Your last kiss? rach 

108. Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2011? how old is this 

109. Have you kissed anyone in the past month? ye 

110. If you could kiss anyone who would it be? r a ch 

111. Do you know who you’ll kiss next? guess 

112. Does someone like you currently? u kno it 

113. Do you currently have feelings for anyone? this is so repetitive 

114. Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? relationships

115. Ever made out with just a friend? no

116. Are you happier single or in a relationship? relationship

[aligalloo]

Tired

Pairing: Reader x Will Lenney (WillNE) Word Count: 2,957 (whew!) Warnings: A couple of swears Requested: Yes! Twice... Requests: Open.  PLEASE send festive requests - I’m inspired (see below for who and what you can request)

A/N: Honestly this is a mess and barely even follows the prompts but WHATEVER I wanted to post something x  

Y/N: Your name Y/F/N: Your full name

“I’ve got a new video out on Friday.  Make sure you watch - it’s a good ‘un.  I love you all, have a good night.”

I switch off the livestream and flop back onto my bed, it’s been a long day and all I want to do right now is curl up and have a nap.  Unfortunately, I promised Gee and Josh that I’d go out with them tonight and I’ve already broken so many hangout dates that I can’t bear to let another one pass by.

I bite my lip and stifle a yawn as I slowly get up off the bed and wander over to my closet.  I look through my clothes and can’t be bothered deciding what to wear so I call Gee to ask what she thinks.  

“Yo.” She answers the phone, and I can hear a male voice in the background who’s definitely not Josh.

“Who’s that talking?” I ask, not even bothering with pleasantries.  

“Oh that’s Will.  Remember, I said we were flatting together from last week?”

“Shit yeah I completely forgot about that.”

“He’ll be there tonight, you can meet him then.  Hey, we watched the end of your livestream - you looked really tired.”

“Wow always a charmer Georgina,” I reply sarcastically, “But yeah, I’m kinda dy... Wait, did you say we?  Don’t tell me you forced Will to listen to me ramble too.”

“Don’t fuss, he seemed to enjoy it.”

“Humph.  I looked like a hot mess.” Suddenly, I remember why I’m calling her, “Oh!  What should I wear tonight?  I don’t want to think.”

“Umm,” She mumbles,  “Wear that sexy red dress of yours and those strappy heals.”

“... I will actually die mate,” I laugh.

“No, you’ll be fine.  Besides, you’re far too stressed, I think you need to get laid.”

“Jesus Gee, who do you have in mind?”

“Well Will’s single...”

“I haven’t even met the boy yet, give me a chance!”  I sigh, “Fine, I’ll wear the red dress, but I’m wearing my MEDIUM heals.”

“Alright, see you soon.”

She hangs up the phone and I go to dig the suggested outfit out of my closet.  I get dressed quickly and run a brush through my hair, deciding to just leave it out.  I generally hate makeup and won’t touch it, but for tonight I whack out some mascara and lipstick.  Checking myself in the mirror, I decide I look presentable and grab my shoes, running down the stairs to hop into the waiting Uber.  I almost doze off in the car, but jolt awake as we stop at the bar.  I pay the driver and head inside, thankfully not meeting any fans along the way.  

I spot them as I walk through the door and make a beeline over.  Gee sees me and squeals, running towards me and jumping on me, making me stagger and nearly fall.  Josh follows close behind her and pulls me into a hug. “It’s been too long, Y/N, where have you been?”

“Eh, you know.  Life’s busy all the time.  Who has time for relaxing?”

I look over Josh’s shoulder to see a tall man that I’ve never met before.  I turn around and quirk an eyebrow at Gee, who seems to come to a realisation.  

“Oh! Y/N, this is Will Lenney, Will, this is Y/F/N.”  

“Nice to meet you,” I say politely, holding out my hand to him.

“Nice to meet you too, love.” He replies, and I blush slightly as he takes my hand.  “Cool livestream earlier, my sister is a massive fan of yours.”

“Really?  It’s always nice to hear about viewers.  What do you do?”

“Ah, I’m a YouTuber as well,” He replies, looking slightly embarrassed. “I only started about 18 months ago.”

“Hey, he’s being modest.” Gee says, coming over to us and wrapping her arm around my shoulder.  “He’s gotten nearly a million subscribers already.”

“Oh my god, that’s so impressive!  It took me a good three years to get even close to a million...  Oh the good old days.” I laugh self-deprecatingly, and gesture over to the table.

“How do you keep your viewers engaged?” He asks as he pulls out my chair for me.

I smile in thanks before continuing the conversation. “I think I’m just myself,” I shrug, “I don’t put on a persona or anything, I guess people see me as genuine.”

“That’s definitely the way to go now,” Josh butts in, leaning over from where he and Gee are sitting on the other side of the table. “YouTube is becoming too mainstream and everyone is starting to behave like actors.”

The night continues, and I get to know Will more.  The more I learn, the more I like him.  He doesn’t seem to just want to get in my pants like most of the other guys I’ve met over my years on YouTube (cough JJ cough), and he’s interested in me rather than my fame.  I keep yawning as we talk though, and eventually I get so tired that he must have felt like he had to say something.

“Do you need to go home?  I can take you, I’ve got my car here.”  He looks at me worriedly and I nod my head.

“If you wouldn’t mind, that would be great,” I reply, yawning yet again and then covering my mouth, embarrassed.

“Yeah sure, lemme just go cover the bill.”

I try to hand him some cash but he waves it away.  “My treat, next time you buy, yeah?”

“Ok,” I sigh, looking over to where Gee and Josh are deep in conversation.  “Hey guys, Will’s gonna take me home, I’m completely shattered.”

One look at me and Gee hops up to give me a hug.  “Alright, have a good sleep.  Call me soon, yeah?”

I mumble an affirmative and wave to Josh, walking over to where Will is waiting by the door with my coat in his hands.  He gives it to me, and we go out to get into his car.  The drive seems to take forever, and before long, I can feel myself nodding off.  I decide to give into the feeling and rest my head against the window, looking out over London in wonderment.  

“It’s so beautiful.” I mumble, and I can feel Will look over at me in amusement.

“Yeah,” He says, and because my eyes are fluttering closed I don’t see him staring at my face before quickly directing his eyes back to the road.

I wake up briefly when the car stops, and I’m surprised when I see it’s not my apartment building.  I look at Will in confusion and he shrugs.

“You were asleep and I don’t know where you live so I brought you here.”

“Ok,” I mumble, and he steps over to loop his long arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side as he leads me toward his apartment.  He unlocks the door and lets us in, leading me down the hall to what I assumed was his bedroom.  I protest feebly, and say that I’ll take the couch, but he’s having none of it, and stops in the doorway of his bedroom.  “There you go, it’s all yours.”

I crawl under the covers gratefully, and whisper as my eyes shut for the final time, “Thank you.”

- The next morning -

I wake up suddenly, sitting bolt upright and looking around frantically before relaxing and laying back down again when I remember the events of last night.  Will’s sheets smell like him, and I breathe it in before dragging myself out of the bed.  

I walk into the living room and see a shirtless Will lying on the sofa, which is far too short for him.  His laptop is on his lap, and he’d obviously fallen asleep watching something.  I giggle softly and pull out my phone to take a photo of him.  Something must have woken him at that point because his eyes open slowly, blinking the sleepiness away.  

“Good morning.” His voice is deep, and my eyes linger on his unclothed torso.

I tear my eyes away and look at his face, where I can see a tiny smirk lingering around the corners of his mouth.

“Uhh.. Morning,” I stutter, blushing.  

He heaves himself up and stretches, before turning toward me.  “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, really well actually!  Thanks for giving up your bed, you really didn’t have to.”

“Sure I did, you were absolutely dead on your feet.  Do you want some breakfast?”

“Well thank you anyway.  That’d be good - what do you have in mind?”

“Nothing fancy, I think we’ve got some cereal around here somewhere.”

“Cereal is fine.”  I’m having trouble concentrating due to the fact that he’s still not wearing a shirt, but I snap myself back into reality.  “Gee must have stayed at Josh’s, yeah?”  

“Yep.  She does that a lot, I think she’s only been here one night so far.”

“Surprise surprise, they’re sickeningly sweet sometimes.”

He nods in agreement, then blurts out, “Do you have a boyfriend?”

I’m taken aback, but answer almost instantly, “No. Why, do you have a girlfriend?”

“Nope, I’m single and ready to flamingle.”

I just stare at him for a moment before bursting out laughing. “Single and ready to flamingle?  Where the hell did that come from?”

“I saw it on a tinder profile once and it just stuck, I’ve been using it ever since.”

“Jesus Christ, that’s hilarious.” I wheeze, clutching my stomach.  

“I think it’s pretty great.” He laughs along with me as he finishes getting the breakfast things out.

We eat breakfast, conversing quietly, and then I ask if I can use his bathroom before I head home.  I quickly go in and wash my face, ridding it of the remnants of any makeup from the night before.  I go to the toilet, and am about to head back out when I hear Will’s voice on the phone.

“She has 11 million subscribers Gee!  How could you forget to mention that?  Eleven fucking million.  And she’s so cool and beautiful and I... Ugh.  Beyond out of my league.”

I freeze.  He really thinks I’m out of his league?  That’s laughable.  He’s one of the nicest, most considerate guys I’ve ever met and I’ve only known him for 12 hours!

I make a performance of rustling around and closing the door slightly harder than necessary as I exit the bathroom.  I hear him quickly end the conversation with Gee and I walk over to where he’s sitting on the sofa.  I sit beside him and look at his open laptop curiously  

“Hey, what were you watching last night?  I saw you fell asleep in the middle.”

Will flushes, and looks down at his hands, “I was actually binging your videos.  I wanted to know more about you.”

My heart skips a beat, “Aw that’s sweet.  You know you can always just ask me though.”

“I know that, but you weren’t exactly in a space to have a deep meaningful conversation about life last night, were you.” He meets my eyes briefly before looking back down at his hands.

“That’s true, I was pretty out of it.”

“That you were, Y/N.”

“Anyway, I should probably head home now,” I say regretfully.  “Thank you again for looking after me, and we should do it again sometime?” It comes out as a question, and Will’s head jerks up to look at me.

“Really?  Uh, do you wanna exchange phone numbers?” He asks hesitantly.

“Sure,” Our hands touch as I pass my phone to him, and I feel a shock of electricity shoot between us.  I gasp quietly, and check to see if Will has noticed anything.  It doesn’t seem like he has, so I shake it off and wait for him to finish typing.  

“I sent myself a text so you have my number too.”

“Cool.  See you soon, yeah?”

“Yep,” he replies, walking me to the door.  As I’m about to exit, I decide that I want a hug and turn back around, wrapping my arms around him.  I feel him freeze for an instant before his arms come up tentatively and I nestle into his chest.  We pull away eventually and I am struck by something as I look up into his eyes.  I lean up to him and he bends his head down to meet my lips.  The kiss is soft and tentative, and when we break away I look down at the floor in embarrassment.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what that was,” I say ashamedly.  “I’ll go now.”  

“No, Y/N, wait.” He exclaims, reaching out and grabbing my hand as I try to leave.

He pulls me back to him and kisses me again.  This one is longer, and he laughs as it ends.  “I’ve wanted to do that since the moment I met you.”

I blush, and smile up at him.  “Well, I’m glad it happened.”

I peck his lips one last time and turn away.  “I’ve really gotta go now, I need to film a video.”

“Text me, yeah?”  

I nod and wave as I walk out the door, before stepping into the elevator and calling Gee.

“Y/N?  Are you ok?” She asks worriedly. “Um... I may have kissed Will?”

“WHAT?  OMG, MY OTP IS REAL!”

“Gee... Don’t tell me you shipped us before we even met.” I sigh in exasperation.

“I always knew you’d be cute together.  So, how did it happen?”

I tell her the story of the night and morning as I get into my waiting uber and she squeals and exclaims at all the right moments.  I can hear Josh asking her questions in the background, but she ignores him.

“Hey Gee,” I ask hesitantly, when I’m done with telling her about the night.

“Yeah?”

“I heard you on the phone with Will earlier...  Does he really think he’s not good enough for me?”

I hear her take a deep breathe before replying.  “Well shit, you weren’t supposed to hear that...  I think it’s a pride thing honestly.  He isn’t always happy with the content he makes and maybe he feels like you might think he only likes you because of your fame? ”

“Well that’s utter bullshit.” I groan.  “I’m going to have to talk to him about this aren’t I?”

“Yeah, I think so.  Let me know what goes down ok?”

“Will do, bye.” I hang up as we pull up outside my apartment building.  

I head up to my flat and go inside, falling face down on my bed.  What have I gotten myself into?  I don’t have time for a relationship...  Fuck it, I need to get this sorted out with Will before I drive myself insane.

“Hey.” He answers his phone almost instantly and I chuckle internally.

“Hi.  What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Uh, not much...”

“Do you wanna come over and hang out?” I blurt out quickly, cringing at my eagerness.  I hear him let out a quiet snort and I cringe even more, mentally slapping myself in the head.  

“Sure.”  He replies without hesitation.  “When would be a good time?”

“Whenever really.  I’ll text you the address and you can just turn up.”

“Cool, I’ll see you then.”

“Bye.” I hang up and go to set up to film my new video.

-The next day-

I’m lying on the sofa editing my video from yesterday afternoon.  It has to be uploaded today but I’m having trouble concentrating because I know that Will could turn up at any moment.  I sigh and give up, grabbing my phone to check twitter.  At that moment the doorbell rings, and I jump slightly before leaping up and going to let him in.

“Hey, come in.”

“Thanks.  You look... nice.”  He grins, looking at my sweatpants and sports bra.

“Shut uppp, I’ve been editing all day, no time for getting dressed.” I wink and take his hand, leading him into the living room.  

He gasps when he sees the view out of the window, “So THIS is what 11 million subscribers and their ad revenue will buy in London...  Damn.”

“It was fucking expensive and probably completely unnecessary but I walked in and immediately fell in love with it, so I decided to go for it.”

“Yeah fair enough, I wouldn’t have been able to get my place if Gee hadn’t wanted to move to London too.”

I look at him for a second, thinking.  “Hey Will?”

He looks around at me, hearing my tone of voice become slightly serious.  “Yeah?”

I walk over to where he’s standing by the window and take his hand.  “I heard your conversation with Gee the other day...”

“Oh God, which one?” He blushes and I smile at how cute he looks. “The one about how I have so many subscribers.”

“Oh yeah.  About that...”

“Hang on,” I interrupt, “I just wanted to say that I really like you, and I want to get to know you better.  I think your videos are incredibly creative and I think you deserve at least as many subscribers as me.”

His face lights up in a smile and he grabs my other hand. “Can I please kiss you?”

I don’t answer, but instead wrap my arms around his neck and reach up to meet his lips.  The kiss quickly becomes heated, and he grabs my waist and pulls me closer to him.  We break apart gasping, and I look up at him with a smirk on my face.  “And I wouldn’t mind if you did want to get into my pants.”

He laughs and turns his attention back to my lips, guiding me gently toward the couch.  Needless to say, my planned video isn’t uploaded until the next day.    

-fin-

Taking requests for: Sidemen, sidemen of the sidemen, WillNE, ChrisMD, Joe Sugg, Caspar Lee, Buttercream Boys, STRANGER THINGS

[i-amusemyself]

1 To 116.

Thanks anon!! Thats my boredom cured for the evening

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m actually not confused right now, which is a bloody rarity. I suppose I could say I’m slightly confused about my gender, but I try not to think about that tbh

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Occasionally, though to be fair I’m never awake in the mornings atm lmao

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

On a rare occasion? No. All the time? Probably.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

Fuck no lmao have you met people?

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Umm...I was with my bf..

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

Probably my mate from uni @bookdragonphoenix

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

Instant break up. No excuses for that.

8: Are you close with your dad?

Hoo boi that’s complicated! It varies honestly, but more so than some people I guess

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

Yeah

10: What are you listening to?

I’m listening to Ke$ha’s Die Young. It’s a tune okay?

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Coke Cola (that is how you spell it right? Fuck im dumb). I live off it anyway tbh

12: Do you like hickeys?

Um, I like getting them but I get embarrased if some people see them lmfao

13: What time do you go to bed?

Like 12am? Usually about 2 hours after I’m tired enough to sleep smh

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Besides me? I guess a couple of people that are...distant friends and possibly a few family members, not to call anyone out

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

Well no lmao

16: Do you always answer your texts?

90% of them

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

I don’t know who I fell the hardest for. I don’t really recall past emotions that well.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

Todayy

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

3 or 4 people yeah!

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

Fuck me I don’t know. Probably ughhh can I fall asleep pls

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

Nope. I havent even seen another human today lmao

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

To an extent, but it’s not always guaranteed unfortunately

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

Fuck no lmao

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

That depends on the definition of fix. If it solely relies on me doing things different, then no. But if it means someone else can themselves be fixed, sure.

25: In the past week, have you cried?

Nah, wish I could though I feel like I need to

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

Grey

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

Not people I see anymore

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

Don’t think so. I think people are just busy.

29: Do you have a best friend?

I have multiple

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

Very :/

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

@oneshappyplace bc she loves it when i throw random shit her way and vice versa

32: Are you mad at anyone?

I mean besides the people I have long term issues with? Nah

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Haha yeah

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

20. Oh jeeeeesus christ that’s a scary fucking thought. Nope-ing away from that.

35: How many more days until your birthday?

8 months ish?

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

I’m going away to quite a few places. There’s more I want to do but I don’t know if it will ever get organised.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

Besides my bf, not good ones. 

Edit: I completely forgot about one of my friends, yes I do

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

Not intentionally. Idk. Don’t ask don’t tell I guess.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

Yeah bc it aint anyones business

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

I don’t think so. 

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

To an extent. Massive age gaps are weird, especially if one of them is hella young

42: Are you available?

Nein

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

2

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

Eyebrow piercing

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

I guess? I mean I probs couldn’t do that but I guess for others 

46: Do you regret anything?

So fucking much omfg

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

How shit I am at communication. I’m really starting to get mad at myself and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

In a way, yeah

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

No

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

I...am ig

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Yup

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

Wow this is relentless with the kissing. Yah

53: What was the last thing you ate?

An orange

54: Did you get any compliments today?

Nope

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

Suffolk for latitude festival. How I ended up going there is a long story lmao

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

Tons of stuff I guess. I mean I’m wearing my ohio state tshirt haha

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

Girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

In the middle of england

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

Fucking hell, like 7 or 8 weeks ago when I came back to uni

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

Who hasn’t?

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

Nah 

62: Who do you text the most?

Probably @oneshappyplace or @apricot-el they get all my bs

63: What was the last movie you saw?

It’s called Chronicle, it was p good

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

Don’t fekkin ask that lmao! Hopefully the fact they’re happy and their ex is now miles away

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

Zero

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

Nein

67: Do you curse around your parents?

Yeah, much to their dislike

68: Are you happy with where you live?

Yeah, but I’m only here for 3 more weeks

69: Picture of yourself?

No chance. Just imagine stereotypical androgenous kid, but lanky af

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

Personally I prefer monogamy

71: Have you ever been dumped?

Um...I actually can’t remember

72: What do you most like about making out?

Feeling wanted ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (sweet sweet depression and anxiety)

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

Nah

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

Strangely enough, me

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

I cannot seriously pick one part

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

You guessed it it’s @oneshappyplace

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

I mean I’m alone

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

Nope

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

Just cute unexpected gestures I suppose

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

I mean, maybe not currently but who knows if I was older

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

Yeah

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

Just my closest friends and the person I have a crush on *eye roll*

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

No

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

Years ago

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

I mean I’ve met them now but yes 

86: How can I win your heart?

Be a kind, understanding human being with a damn good sense of humor

87: What is your astrological sign?

Libra

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Bothering friends lmao

89: Do you cook?

Occasionally. I used to a lot more but depression

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

Yeah, but it only ever seems to be me making the effort, so every time I’ve let them go again

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

see like all previous answers lol

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

Monogamous stuff

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

I honestly don’t know. I can never figure out my type, just, hotness lmao

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

Dopamine, money, the power to help others more...thats it thats all I want

95: Are you a player?

Nein

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

Nope

97: Are you a tease?

I can be but not in a cruel way

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

Two people and we’re still close

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

That’s a loaded question yikes. I dont know.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

I mean I don’t know their tumblr but yh

101: Hugs or Kisses?

Both. I can’t choose. I’m bi.

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Probs idk

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

....their face?

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

Sure

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

Not until I knew wtf they were playing at

106: Do you flirt a lot?

I’m hopeless at it

107: Your last kiss?

Yesterday

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

I haven’t kissed that many people, full stop.

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

Yikes see 107

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

The bae tbh

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

I have a p good idea

112: Does someone like you currently?

I fekkin hope so

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

Yeah lmao

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious shit 

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

Once when drunk 

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

In a relationship, for sure

[yumikoyuki]

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? ummm i’m not confused atm really. 

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? no. :C

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? i would definitely mind. i wouldn’t want anything to do with it, but it’s ok if they do it in very moderate amounts. just keep it away from me tho.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? yes and no. depends on the person.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? i don’t remember. sitting by the computer? sleeping? watching netflix?

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? i’m either alone or with a friend.

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? really, really hurt, but’d want to talk about it with them and try to understand.

8: Are you close with your dad? yes, very.

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? our kitty of course.

10: What are you listening to? the sounds from venla gala recording. missed it today so i’m watching it late online.

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? berry juice.

12: Do you like hickeys? they don’t look nice but in the moment the feel nice. or they used to at least. i might be too old for them to even feel nice anymore.

13: What time do you go to bed? depends. usually around 1 am - 3 am

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? not that i can think of.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? yeah. i don’t even use both hands for texting.

16: Do you always answer your texts? no. depends on how important they are and if a reply is required. usually yes even when they are not important in any way.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? no.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? today a few hours ago.

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? yeah.

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? i really don’t remember.

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? no.

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? i like to believe so at least. hate to think that complete ass hats get away with being an ass hat, and that the sweetest of persons wouldn’t get as much sweetness in their life.

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? no don’t think so? or yeah? i remember being completely burned at some point i have lost the track of time. also it’s really hard to think when exactly i have had happier or sadder periods. anxiety and depression are bitches.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? yes.

25: In the past week, have you cried? yes.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? navy blue and black.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? no.

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? don’t know.

29: Do you have a best friend? several good ones.

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? haha no. i don’t even know the person i last kissed oops. the most bizarre bus drive of my life.

31: Who was your last call/text message from? from my brother.

32: Are you mad at anyone? no.

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? yes.

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? i have no idea- wait no i think she said she’s 25? so 26.

35: How many more days until your birthday? around 4 months worth of days.

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? a trip to japan at least. i really really really hope. trying to make it happen some way or the other.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? hmm yeah one.

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? nah not really.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? nah don’t think so.

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? yes.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? depends. i think age is really just a number, what what matters is that the two people are in the same “maturity level”. i mean that helps at least for me. an older person might be the more childish one compared to their younger spouse, so yeah. age is just a number. just have to find the right balance as individuals.

42: Are you available? yes.

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? one.

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? ahh i used to want my brow pierced but now i’m not into that anymore. i think a surface one somewhere would be the most me nowadays.

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? yes. have managed to succeed in that.

46: Do you regret anything? yes.

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? i should probably sleep but eh.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? i don’t like saying “lose”. we just grew up and grew up being different than we were as kids. our interests are not in the same wavelength anymore and that’s ok. we don’t keep in touch anymore but we have nothing really that makes it impossible for us to contact each other or if we wanted to hang out sometime!

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? mmm i don’t know. it was weird. but i liked it.

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? um it’s a bit complex. i like them but not that much and i don’t really want to date them because of a few reasons. also it sounds creepy, “pursuing” someone. i don’t really do that.

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? no.

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? nnnno. but it’s like i mean i just met her! i don’t know if we are gonna talk more in the future. probably not tho.

53: What was the last thing you ate? one salmiac pastille.

54: Did you get any compliments today? i don’t remember.

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? don’t know yet.

56: Do you own anything from other countries? yeah.

57: Are most of your friends guys or girls? mostly girls.

58: Where have you lived most of your life? helsinki, finland.

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? last month. 13 hours from helsinki to lapland.

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? yes.

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? no.

62: Who do you text the most? my friend i guess.

63: What was the last movie you saw? batman: the killing joke.

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? i’m single.

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? one.

where did the numbers here go :(

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? i feel monogamous as i can be jealous and i like to concentrate my affection to one person. but i don’t see a polygamous relationship as an impossible thing. it is super duper unlikely for me to work or even occur as a possibility, but yeah, not impossible.

71: Have you ever been dumped? yes.

72: What do you most like about making out? the intimacy.

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? yes.

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? depends on the person. usually eyes though, as they say so much. i love seeing a person’s feeling and thought through their eyes.

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? my friend. sorry i don’t tell names in these things.

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? no.

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? no.

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? um compliments. kisses and hugs from someone i care about romantically.

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? uhm. i am no good with kids and i will never get one myself, but if like. if i really, really liked someone enough, i might get used to them having a kid. don’t know. i have never been in such a situation.

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? yes.

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? my last what? partner? i miss my sweetie little kitty who is in the living room.

84: Last time you slow danced with someone? wow i can’t even remember when that was. i have danced waltz 4-5 years ago? but slow dance? don’t remember, honestly.

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? no.

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? no. not in that way anyway.

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? you know, there are perks in being single, i have a lot of freedom, but dear damn god i miss the perks of being in a relationship. i want hugs and kisses and sex and comfort and trust and all that jazz. i do wish i was in a relationship, but i am content in being single as well.

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? i don’t look for anything, i just like someone if i like them (tho i mean of course i have types), but it sure helps their case a lot if they are taller than me even when i’m wearing heels, or at least the same height. it might be a cliche, but it really makes me feel so good being the short one.

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? yes.

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? i don’t know. don’t remember.

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? yes.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? *shrughs* i don’t really do dating? but i mean yeah why not if i happened to like them but as of now, no.

101: Hugs or Kisses? both pls.

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? depends on a person. friends calling me that is all fine and fun lol. significant other yeah why not, but a person have no relations with? no.

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? it is not enough to just be sexy oh god no.

107: Your last kiss? wasn’t this asked already?

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? yes.

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? yes.

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? eh i don’t know.

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? my cat. :3

112: Does someone like you currently? romantically, no idea.

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? nah.

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? serious.

115: Ever made out with just a friend? yeah.

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? depends on the relationship. i have had a shitty one and a really good one. but yeah i remember that when it was good it was damn fucking good and i sure as hell wasn’t as much depressed so yeah. being in a good relationship helps me a lot. but i don’t want to be in a relationship so it would “help me” lol :DD i just love being cared for and caring for someone myself.

[savemeteion]

1-116

THIS IS BASICALLY ALL OF THE QUESTIONS, BUT OKAY..

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? - I don’t think I have anything that I’m confused about right now tbh                                                                          

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? - Mhmm, my gaaal.

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? - Yeeeahhh.                                                                                              

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? - Not at first, no.                                                                                             

 5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? - Stressing over an assignment and then I was unable to turn it in at the end of it all :)) I’m still salty about it.                                                                                                

 6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? - Fal or Tiye.

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? - Yikes, dude. Don’t let me think about that. I’d be a mess for a long time.                                                                                    

8: Are you close with your dad? - Very close, yes.                                                                                  

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? - Nope.                                                                                   

10: What are you listening to? - The sound of my washing machine.

                                                                                                   11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? - Honestly, I wouldn’t mind drinking water for the rest of my life lol.

                                                                                                   12: Do you like hickeys? - I can’t say. I’ve never had one on me. Perhaps?

                                                                                                   13: What time do you go to bed? - Anywhere between 1 and 6am. I really need to change that and sleep earlier. I’ve been going to sleep anywhere between 4 and 6am for the past two weeks and it’s heckin’ me up.                                                                                                  

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? - My mom, probably.                                                                                                  

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? - God, no. It’s such a struggle with one hand.                                                                                                

16: Do you always answer your texts? - 90% of the time, yes.

                                                                                                   17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? - No way.                                                                                                 

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends - A few minutes ago.

                                                                                                  19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? - YES, my girlfriend and my closest friends.                                                                                                  

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? - I have no idea, but it was probably about Fal because I’m a sappy b i t c h.                                                                                                 

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? - Just me.

                                                                                                  22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? - I….don’t know?                                                                                                 

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? - I would say that I’m happier now compared to a few months ago so.                                                                                                 

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? - Nah.                                                                                                 

 25: In the past week, have you cried? - OH BUDDY, y e s.

                                                                                                   26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? - Uh..it’s beige and it has red and blue stripes.

                                                                                                   27: Do people ever call you by your last name? - No way, thank god                                                                                               

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? - Nah.

                                                                                                  29: Do you have a best friend? - I have several.

                                                                                                   30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? - Saying it would be hard is an understatement.                                                                                                

31: Who was your last call/text message from? - My mom.                                                                                              

 32: Are you mad at anyone? - Nah, not really.                                                                                               

 33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? - Yes ;)                                                                                               

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? - 23                                                                                                 

35: How many more days until your birthday? - Uh…it’s actually exactly a month from today, woah.

                                                                                                 36: Do you have any summer plans yet? - My original plan was to go to Cali, but I don’t think that’s happening so I’ll probably be working all summer :/                                                                                                  

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? - Yeah, like…two or three.

                                                                                                   38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? - Nah.

                                                                                                   39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? - I don’t think so.                                                                                                  

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? - NOPE, never.

                                                                                                   41: Do you think age matters in relationships? - Sort of?

                                                                                                   42: Are you available? - I am not.                                                                                             

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? - Since it ended?..1                                                                                                

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? - A nose piercing. I still want to get one at some point.                                                                                                

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? - Sure.                                                                                               

46: Do you regret anything? - Who doesn’t?                                                                                                

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? - I have a lot on my mind. My classes, midterms, my gal, etc.                                                                                                

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? - Yes.                                                                                               

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? - NOPE                                                                                                 

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? - We’re dating.                                                                                                

 51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? - Seen me cry..I don’t think so. Heard me cry? Yes.                                                                                                 

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? - YES.

                                                                                                  53: What was the last thing you ate? - I mean, I’m eating chicken nuggets & fries right now.

                                                                                                   54: Did you get any compliments today? - Nah.

                                                                                                   55: Where are you going on your next vacation? - Hopefully Cali.                                                                                                  

56: Do you own anything from other countries? - A have a bracelet from Greece that was given to me as a gift.                                                                                                

 57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? - GIRLS.                                                                                                 

58: Where have you lived most of your life? - In South Florida 100%                                                                                                

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? - When I came back to school from my house aka: 3 ½ hours away

                                                                                                 60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? - Yeah.                                                                                                  

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? - Nope.                                                                                                

 62: Who do you text the most? - My girlfriend, definitely.                                                                                                 

63: What was the last movie you saw? - The Shape of Water. It was really good.

                                                                                                 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? - SHRUGGING EMOJI.                                                                                                 

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?- None.                                                                                                

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? - Nope, older by a year.                                                                                                 

67: Do you curse around your parents? - Nah, I restrain myself from cursing around them.

                                                                                                  68: Are you happy with where you live? - Yeah.                                                                                                  

69: Picture of yourself? - Check the “my face” tag on my tumblr page ;p                                                                                                 

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? - I’m very monogamous.                                                                                                  

71: Have you ever been dumped? - Nah.

                                                                                                   72: What do you most like about making out? - Shit man, I love everything about it. I love how soft my girlfriend’s lips feel against mine jfa;fjs;a                                                                                      

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? - Nah.                                                                                                 

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? - Depends.                                                                                                 

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? - I’m not sure. I like everything about a gal’s body but abs make me weak af.                                                                                                

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? - Fal.

                                                                                                  77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?  - Nope.                                                                                                 

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? - Nah.

                                                                                                 79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? - My girlfriend, all of the time

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? - I don’t think so.

                                                                                                  81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? - Yes.                                                                                                  

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? - Nah, I tell very few people.

                                                                                                  83: Do you miss your last sweetie? - Nah.                                                                                              

84: Last time you slow danced with someone? - Probably prom. It was so awkward because it was one my best guy friends.                                                                                                

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? - Y..es?                                                                                                 

86: How can I win your heart? - Just be yourself around me. Extra points if you make me laugh.

                                                                                                87: What is your astrological sign? - Aries.                                                                                                 

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? - Homework.                                                                                                 

89: Do you cook? - I love cooking.                                                                                                

 90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? - Nope.                                                                                                

 91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? - Not single, bruh.

                                                                                                  92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? - Monogamoussss.

                                                                                                   93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? - I don’t really “look for” physical traits in people. If I find you attractive, then you’re attractive.

                                                                                                  94: Name four things that you wish you had! - More money, some chinese food, my girlfriend, and better skin.                                                                                                 

95: Are you a player? - Not in the slightest.                                                                                                  

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? - Nah.

                                                                                                   97: Are you a tease? - I love teasing hahah ;)                                                                                                 

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? - YES.                                                                                                

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? - Yeah, currently am.                                                                                                 

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? - My girlfriend, duuude.                                                                                                 

101: Hugs or Kisses? - Hugs.                                                                                                 

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? - Not really.                                                                                                 

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? - I don’t.                                                                                                

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? - When my gal calls me babe, it’s adorable and makes me smile.                                                                                                  

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? - No way.                                                                                                 

106: Do you flirt a lot? - I’m honestly not much of a flirt.                                                                                               

107: Your last kiss? - A few months ago.                                                                                                

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? - Nah.                                                                                    

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? - No.                                                                                                

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? - Fallonnnn                                                                                                  

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? - Fallon, duh.                                                                                                 

112: Does someone like you currently? - I SURE HOPE SO.                                                                                               

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? - My gal. All day, every day.                                                                                                

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? - Serious relationship.                                                                                                

115: Ever made out with just a friend? - Nah.                                                                                               

 116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? - In a relationship, for sure.

[stalkhome-sindrone]

1-116!

1:Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? Okay so for Day 4 (LET’S HEAR IT FOR DAY 4!!)on the Anxiety Variety Depression Session, I am confused about if trying to master 2 songs to audition for university in 8-10 weeks, let alone trying to do anything worthwhile whatsoever, is worth it.

2:Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? My CD player when it wakes me up with whatever’s inside.

3:If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? Probably not. I’m not partial to drugs, but not one to partake either. Responsibility is key though.

4:Do you find it easy to trust others? I say yes on the surface, but after last week, absolutely fucking not. Typing, let alone talking, is just pulling teeth with me.

5:What were you doing at 11PM last night? Studying for a math quiz.

6:You’re drunk depressed and lost walking down the road; who is with you? By my luck, nobody.

7:What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Genuinely? Would have increasingly angry, bordering on violent thoughts, that climax with me not doing a fuckin thing except crying and collapsing in on myself.

8:Are you close with your dad? At the moment, I say maybe 5 words to both parents a day.

9:I bet you kissed someone last night, right? If happiness had a face, sure.

10:What are you listening to? Jon Pollock/Wai Ting reviewing Smackdown from yesterday.

11:You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? Orange juice. I love Pepsi but I max out at some point.

12:Do you like hickeys? In pictures? Indifferent. In theory? Yes. In practice? No comment.

13:What time do you go to bed? After this is posted.

14:Is there someone who continuously lets you down? Say, whose blog is this again?

15:Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? If only I could.

16:Do you always answer your texts? If I don’t forget then and there.

17:Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? Mmmmmore myself at the moment. Sometimes, it pivots.

18:When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Earlier today.

19:Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Friends at school are way cool.

20:What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Probabl a real anxious thing about today.

21:Is anyone else in the room with you? Should there be?

22:Do you believe what goes around comes around? Revenge and karma say yes, but are inconsistent.

23:Were you happier four months ago than you are now? Well 4 months ago puts us at August 6th which was 3 or 4 days before I got really down again so yeah.

24:Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? Kinda but also not really.

25:In the past week, have you cried? Mhm

26:What colour is the shirt you are wearing? Gray

27:Do people ever call you by your last name? Not really

28:Is anyone ignoring you right now? If anything, it’s the other way around.

29:Do you have a best friend? A few.

30:Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? Uhm I almost can’t remember the last person I kissed so no.

31:Who was your last call/text message from?

32:Are you mad at anyone? See question 14

33:Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Nope

34:How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 18

35:How many more days until your birthday? A lot

36:Do you have any summer plans yet? Buy more albums, record more music, usual stuff

37:Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? Mhm

38:Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? Mhm

39:Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Nope

40:Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Yup

41:Do you think age matters in relationships? YUP

42:Are you available? Emotionally? You can try. Romantically?…you can try.

43:How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? It hasn’t yet but probably 1.

44:If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? Septum but also I wouldn’t

45:Do you believe exes can be friends? It’s possible, but improbable

46:Do you regret anything? Uh huh

47:Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Far too much

48:Did you ever lose a best friend? Yes

49:Was your last kiss a mistake? Yes

50:Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? But I am…slowly

51:Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? Maybe?

52:Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? Nope

53:What was the last thing you ate? A bagel with peanut butter

54:Did you get any compliments today? Nope

55:Where are you going on your next vacation? Not sure

56:Do you own anything from other countries? A little ship in a bottle from @mayern8

57:Are most of your friend guys or girls? Probably an even split, but more females here

58:Where have you lived most of your life? Malton, Canada

59:When was the last time you took a long drive? Never, long walks are frequent

60:Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? 2 months ago I think

61:Have you ever TPd someone’s house? Nope

62:Who do you text the most? Not sure

63:What was the last movie you saw? I think it was Memento

64:What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? Don’t have one

65:How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? I had a terrible school dance but that’s it

66:Is the last person you kissed younger than you? No

67:Do you curse around your parents? I try very hard to keep my words small there

68:Are you happy with where you live? Eh, I’d find a way to be unhappy anywhere

69:Picture of yourself? Not a good day for that, I might have one in stock though

70:Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? Monogamous

71:Have you ever been dumped? Technically no

72:What do you most like about making out? The fact it is just a concept to me and I have never done it

73:Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? Nope

74:When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? I don’t know

75:What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? Let’s be weird and say face

76:Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? Don’t remember

77:Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? No

78:Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? No

79:What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? @lovelyformylove

80:Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? Probably not

81:Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? Yes

82:Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? Not anymore

83:Do you miss your last sweetie? Hm

84:Last time you slow danced with someone? Fucking never

85:Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? Nope

86:How can I win your heart? Get thee to a therapist, then we can go for pizza

87:What is your astrological sign? Taurus

88:What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Still studying for said math quiz

89:Do you cook? Yes

90:Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? My brain hurts

91:If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? Yes

92:Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? The latter

93:What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? Working heart, able to think independantly

94:Name four things that you wish you had! @lovelyformylove, @lovelyformylove, a therapist, and most importantly @lovelyformylove

95:Are you a player? Furthest thing from it

96:Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? That would be interesting

97:Are you a tease? See question 95

98:Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? Not yet

99:Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? Yes

100:Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? Yes

101:Hugs or Kisses? Both!

102:Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yes

103:The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Their face

104:Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? Sure

105:If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? I would tell them to get out of what they have first or leave me alone.

106:Do you flirt a lot? No

107:Your last kiss? At least 4 years ago

108:Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? Maybe 1?

109:Have you kissed anyone in the past month? Nope

110:If you could kiss anyone who would it be? see question 79

111:Do you know who you’ll kiss next?see question 79, or you know, I’ll die trying or something

112:Does someone like you currently? Yes 

113:Do you currently have feelings for anyone? Also yes

114:Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? Serious mysterious

115:Ever made out with just a friend? Nope

116:Are you happier single or in a relationship? Probably not single

[daddyconfessions]

sugar tales: Ms. Butterworth

Ms. Butterworth has been texting me for the last two weeks. Well, I should say a few of those days I was talking to her ex. Apparently, Mr. PhoneSnatch had taken her phone and was pretending to be her. Glad I hadn’t talked about all the nasty things we’d done in the past. He could have really had fun with me.

About a week ago, she text me from a new number, saying the conversation I’d been having with “her” was actually her ex. I was kind of put off by Ms. Butterworth for being so careless. I shield my sugar from my personal life. I expect the same in return. I admit it wasn’t the first time I’d ran into some SBs vanilla boyfriend or husband and got into a text conversation with them.

But I was hard on Ms. Butterworth because our relationship was never consistent. It’s been off and on for the past year and half so this was definitely not worth the trouble. So when the fuckboy texted me, pretending to be her, I was nonchalant since I had no big hopes for hooking up with her. Thank whatever deities look down on us Daddy’s. He could have set something up and had me meet him somewhere for an ambush.

As I talk to the real Ms. Butterworth, she’s being her usually coy and noncommittal self. She sends a few more text, but I just ignore them. Tired of the games.

Then she starts texting me again on Thanksgiving. I tell her lets meet because she’s been pretty consistent in texting me the last few days. But Ms. Butterworth declines. Says she’s not doing well. Her vanilla boyfriend, Mr. PhoneSnatch, jumped her. He hit her, knocking her to the ground. He followed up with a kick in the back and a few other places she can’t remember. PhoneSnatch got on top of her and then choked her. She fought back after she managed to get up. Ms. Butterworth didn’t say what she did but I gather from her tone, she dished out her own beat down because when I asked about pressing charges, she says she can’t because of what she did. Says the whole fight took about 2 hours.

I grew up hard. I watched my mother get hit by the men she was with. My uncles and male cousins beat their women. Even as a grew into an adult some of my homeboys hit their girls in order to control them and get their submission.  It’s a grimey way to do things. Looking back on it I regret not being more outspoken about how I felt but frankly under the circumstances it was just the way things were done. It was accepted. Thankfully, I learned at an early age there as a better way to do things. : ) Instead of fighting with a woman, I’d much rather spend some money on her. Nothing makes a girl want to do what you want like the two c’s: charm and cash. Much much easier path.

So where do I come in with this Ms. Butterworth chick you might ask? Why is she contacting me? Hell I don’t know. I’m wondering the same shit. Frankly I thought it was over. But one thing about the bowl I’ve learned….a few will always come back.

I’ll go ahead and give you her story but this obviously is nowhere near over.

First, Ms. Butterworth’s not the first to tell me about domestic violence. As a sugar daddy, I’ve seen all kinds of things and situations. I don’t think I have enough time to write and blog about all the experiences and stories but I’ll try since some of you want to read about it. Sooooo much goes on in the world, not the sugar bowl.

Someone once asks me an anon about exclusivity with my SBs and I said then and I’ll say now. There’s no need to be exclusive. These lame sugardaddies and fuckboys will do all the work for me.

I met Ms. Butterworth about the tail end of my relationship with Bottlecap. By the time things had washed up with Bottlecap, I was well on my way to getting to know Ms. Butterworth…..so I thought.

We went back and forth a few emails before she sent a pic. Black chick from New Orleans. Big and thick. Kind of country too. Naturally curly, wavy hair like she’s got Indian in her family. Creamy caramel skin tone. She was a sharp contrast to the 5’2, thin half Filipino, half Mexican Bottlecap and the 3 or 4 chicks before her. As I recall, I hadn’t seen many thick chicks in prior several months. So I was looking forward to meeting Ms. Butterworth.

As it were it took over 6 weeks to actually meet. Not sure what the problem was. We’d talk incessantly for a day or two then she’d stop responding. Then we’d do it all again and then nothing. A painful cycle of wait and see. One thing about the sugar bowl is patience. Lots of patience. Any sugarbaby or sugardaddy who’s being doing it long enough will tell you. You got to be patient. You’d think with a generous offer on the table, a young girl would be clamoring to have it. But more often than not, it’s a waiting game, painfully moving pieces on the chess board, and lots of persistence if she’s resistant.

Finally I get dinner setup. I put on some nice clothes and cologne. Got my hair cut. I wanted to leave nothing to chance. I’ve learned long ago just because I have some money that doesn’t mean I’m going to pull some young 20 something. I’ve learned long ago not to take her for granted. And certainly don’t take the money for granted. So I took a moment to adequately prepare.

I took my older car, my baby, probably older than a lot of you reading this. I wouldn’t have done it ordinarily but I was in such a rush and fuss over myself, I didn’t realize I was in it until I was almost to the restaurant. Shit. I park far away from the restaurant so she can’t see it. It’s not a bad or ugly car, just doesn’t convey I’m a guy who can pay all your bills and give you a generous allowance. Sugar chicks are forever checking the finer details of a SD like where do you work, what kind of work, what’s your position, what’s your zip code, and more importantly, what do you drive. And I knew I needed to take my main chariot but forgot and it was too late to turn around.

Ms. Butterworth shows up at the restaurant looking unimpressive. Hair was frizzy and all over her head. Later she told me she was doing the natural thing. That was bullshit. I can tell the difference between doing the natural thing and being to lazy to comb your hair or straighten it. She had on regular shirt and jeans. About the only thing done was her nails. Guess she wasn’t taking this too serious. Bad sign. That should have told me everything. As we start to eat, I’m a little peeved that I put so much preparation into myself.

We have a decent dinner. Nothing eventful. Basic get to know you conversation. Towards the end, I ask if she’s ok with the allowance and the sexual part of our relationship. She’s cool with everything. She even seems excited about it. I was excited too. Despite her basic appearance, I could tell some beautiful curves and voluptuousness was under them clothes. I knew she was young and tender and I could just imagine kissing all over that big body. Damn. I’m getting turned on just writing this.  

We wrap up dinner and head out. Damn. She parked right by me. We give pecks goodbye and I grudgingly walk to my car, hopefully she takes off before I do. Nope. By the time I’m in my car she’s still there. Finally as I back out she back s out.

As predicted, emails go unanswered. I think she responded once after that. That’s about it. We go almost 2 months without talking. I threw in the towel after about 3 unanswered emails. I have her cel to text but she never answered that way. She only used email. Not sure what that was about. Then one day, a few months after I gave up, I was going through my old email and saw her name. I click on her email and briefly relived our brief time getting to know each other. I click on a few of her pics and decide I can’t let this thick muffin go without another chance. Even if its just one time….I just wanna fuck.

I send her an email and get a response after about two days.  And then we spend another 3 weeks emailing and texting (which was a first) before we finally decide to meet.  During those 3 weeks we’re pretty playful. She sends a few more pics which serve to solidify my quest to get the kitty.

We agree to meet at 11:30 that night. Its too late for me to meet but I’ve now been waiting on this kitty for 3 months. Exceptions had to be made. I’m expecting nothing less than that pink muff to float in the air like some magical entity at this point. I know. Corny. But this is my life dammit! And that’s what I was thinking at the time.

The wife goes to sleep around 10ish, as usual. I leave the tv on downstairs and sneak out into the night. As long as the tv is on, she thinks I’m down on the couch watching tv so she won’t bother to get up and check on me.  I take her car which is pretty quiet compared to mine. I creep out of our cul-de-sac and over to the motel.

I remember the night because it was right after I first joined SA. I hadn’t had much luck with the site to say the least. I had met this chick I’ll call Babydoll. She was a thin model and commanded a hefty allowance. Smitten with her looks and flattered by her willingness to kick it with me, I was all in. Long story short. We went to the room twice and I couldn’t get an erection. Not sure what that was about. This chick was flawless from head to toe….but for some reason I just couldn’t get it up when it came to her.

So as I go into my hookup with Ms. Butterworth, I’m nervous old Bart won’t act right. Plus I was out of Lamar Odom’s so it wasn’t looking good.  It was a late October night and pouring rain. So much that I was worried she might not come and probably cancel. Ms. Butterworth arrived about 30 minutes late. She comes in wearing a long black dress with a big heavy coat. Nothing sexy.

Inside the room, we kiss for the first time and then again. And again. Before long were exchanging saliva and thrashing tongues like teenagers. She starts taking off my clothes as she kisses me. My coat and shirt are gone. She struggles with my belt and when she can’t get it off she tells me, “Take it off. Now.”

Bossy. I like this shit. I unbuckle my belt and start unbuttoning my pants. “I got it,” She tells me. She unbuttons my pants and squats as she pulls them down. I step out of my pants, shoes still on. “Get them off,” she tells me. Off with the shoes.

I start working on her clothes. I remove the dress and find she’s wearing no panties and some Victoria secret stockings. To make things weird, one  leg is a red stockings, the other is black. But they are identical. I’m like did she buy this shit like this? I’m to horny to care really.

She goes over to the bed and sits down. “Get over here.” I walk over like a little man bitch, doing what he’s told. As I stare at her body I realize the culmination of months of waiting and persistence is all about to pay off. “Get hard,” she tells me. I’m pick Bart up wiggle him and drop him. “Um can I get a little help?”

“No.” she replies. “Get that dick hard. You been talking shit so let’s see what you got.”

She’s right. I had been talking mad shit about how she would get sprung. How I was going to whip the dick on her and make her fall in love. How much money I was going to spend on her….Even told her she was scared which is why she hadn’t been seeing me. Looks like she was calling me out on my bullshit.

I get on my knees and try to go down on her. “No,” she tells me, pulling me backup.  “No”.

“But I want to do it,” I say like a baby asking for candy.

“No. I might let you next time. Not tonight. Now get up.”

As I stand up I realize my dick is a bit hard. She reaches out suddenly and grabs him. She pulls me to her by using Bart then puts him in her mouth. With 3 to 4 good deep throat thrusts my dick is hard as a rock.

She stops and lays down on the bed. On with the raincoat, and then I climb onto the bed.

She raises her legs up high, and cups her hands underneath to keep them big thick creamy thighs up. I enter the pink slice of heaven, and right away I started pounding the kitty like I hadn’t had any in years. 3 months of waiting for the kitty will do that to you. She’s unbothered by me, though. She wraps them legs around me and squeezes tight as I go nice and deep inside her. I’m closing to cumming when she tells me “Get up.”

WTF? I do as I’m told. Ms. Butterworth gets up and gets on her knees. She wants me to hit it from the back. I oblige, and I marvel at the way her ass wiggles as I slam into it over and over again. “You like that shit don’t you?”

“Yes,” I whimper. “Yes.” I’m just so happy to be getting the kitty I don’t know what to do. I move my hips so that I’m going in at different angles, just playing in the pussy like a kid with a new toy.

We switch again, this time she wants to be on top. The motel has a mirror to our left and I watch her big thick body as it bounces up and down on me. I watch as the big ass slams up and down on me. God I’m getting turned on just thinking about it. Before I started writing this I wasn’t interested but now I’m having second thoughts. I cum unexpectedly, the culmination of months of pent up anticipation burst into the condom.

I fall off her and lay to her side, enjoying the orgasm. Ms. Butterworth starts talking shit. “You done? “ she asks. Chuckling. “Knew you wasn’t ready.  You going to have to get that dick back hard again.”

Are you kidding me? I came enough to cum 3 times in a row. No way Bart was getting back up. The conversation shifts away from her needs and we manage to have a fairly decent after sex conversation. Ms. Butterworth tells me she got turned on and felt challenged by all the shit talking I was doing. As it were, she likes to conquer men. Especially older men. Go figure. 15 minutes later I get up and wash up. Then it’s her turn to clean up while I get dressed. When we’re at the door we kiss again. She tells me, “Next time don’t talk so much shit.”

We kiss again and head out. By the time I get home is almost 1:30. Wife and kids are still sleep. I manage to slide into bed without waking her up.

I don’t get another shot at Ms. Butterworth for almost a month. When I did, it went about the same as the first time. Mostly her telling me what to do. By this point we were just doing some pay per meet thing. Another couple of weeks go by and we hook up for a third time.

We start our normal way. First she gets undressed. God I love her big thick body. Curvy and fat in all the right places. I’m seated on a couch as she straddles me. We do a lot of kissing. I love the way she kisses by the way, like she’s trying to suck my tongue out of my mouth or something. She starts taking off my shirt and then kisses my chest and neck. I remember this because I had to push her away from my neck. She almost gave me a hickie. Trying to set a brother up.

We move to the bed and I try to go down on her. She pushes my head away but I tell her she’s not in charge any more. I am. I go back in and she doesn’t fight this time. I lick the clit in several different patterns but she’s not quite responding like I like. So I start a combo a approach, I like the clit while simultaneously sucking it. Now she’s shaking and grabbing my head.

Bingo.

I was determined to shift the tables and establish my sexual dominance over hers. I use plenty of saliva while I lick it, getting the kitty nice and wett. But despite my best effort, she doesn’t cum from it. So I stop, strap up, and go in. Once again she wraps the big pretty legs around me sans stockings this time. I don’t hold back either….I go hard on her, digging deep for the gspot. I figure she’ll tell me to take it easy but nothing of the sort happened.

She moans and growls in my ear, “Run this pussy nigga.” That’s all I needed to hear. I give her all I got, trying to knock the bottom out of it, maybe feel her ovaries or something.  And I go on “running” it for another minute or so until the inevitable happens. I cum and I cum hard. I let out a weird yell/moan that makes me sound like a bitch.

When I’m done, I look down at Ms. Butterworth and she’s smirking, laughing at me. “You my bitch,” she tells me. Yea, I did some bitch shit. Don’t judge.

That was about December last year. She hit me up a few days late for some cash. Her car note needed to be paid and her gym fees. She swung by my job to pick it up. It was good seeing her in a cute lil workout outfit but no makeup.  But,  I wouldn’t see Ms. Butterworth again until about March. In between December and March there was a bunch of emails and text back and forth. Going nowhere. She’d emailed me several times to hook up in Jan and December, but come the day of she’d go MIA and not answer my emails. This went on until March when we finally hooked up again. After March saw her one more time in May and then I haven’t seen  her since. She sends a random text here or there. Mostly to setup a date she has no intention of keeping.

As it were, with Firecracker being in the pic now, I just pretty much have quit even answering her text since about August.

So it was a bit of a surprise that she texted me after 2.5 months. After hearing about the big fight, she seems to be a little more adamant about having something with me. When I asked why the inconsistent lack of communication, she said “I guess I keep telling myself I’m messing up a marriage”

Now she has my attention. This is the first time she’s been that open. Generally when we talk it’s a bunch of head games. Buuuuuuuut, she has no idea my marriage has been fucked a long time ago.

Anyway, we’ll see. Stay tuned. I’ve been fancying a trip to Ohio as of late otherwise Firecracker is keeping me busy at the moment.

[guhudude]

Tagged by: @omuii le geef

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:  1. Drink: coke 
2. Phone call: probably my mom 
3. Text message: to my girlfriend: ^_^
 4. Song you listened to: Free -6LACK 
5. Time you cried: uhhhhhhhhhh I think it was two weeks ago when I was frustrated with my family for not treating me like an adult

 HAVE YOU: 
6. Dated someone twice: nooo
 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yes but I barely count it as a kiss lol. I was in 8th grade and gave my boyfriend a peck on the lips and the whole thing was so forced it was stupid 
8. Been cheated on: don't think so
 9. Lost someone special: yes 
10. Been depressed: heck yeck 
 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yeah I was at a party with some friends in college and it was a great party most of the people were LGBT and everybody was really chill but I just really wanted to get wrecked lol. I started with beer because I thought that was all they had but then I found out they had Smirnoff ice and I started drinking those, and I played a drinking game with shots of Long Island iced tea.... best party ever even though I did get sick twice 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
 12-14: I can't believe this is just a clever way to skip my favorite number in the questions but ok: ultramarine blue, lime green, umm. Plum purple? Not all at once lol 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
 15. Made new friends: yes
 16. Fallen out of love: yes (only romantically) 
17. Laughed until you cried: yes, usually because of The Squad, my Skype group 
18. Found out someone was talking about you: yupperooza. 
19. Met someone who changed you: hmmmm. I followed someone on tumblr does that count? 
20. Found out who your friends are: yes 
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: my gf ;) 

GENERAL: 
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: almost all of them, so around 200
 23. Do you have any pets: Sasha, a 6 year old border collie-husky mix who is black with blue eyes (she's a little brat who tries to trip everyone by tackling their feet), and Gretchen, a 11 year old German shepherd mix with a big belly (and a bigger heart) and a curly tail 
24. Do you want to change your name: yeah, my legal name is both too feminine and too biblical. Hopefully someday I'll get to change it legally to Peri. 
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I honestly don't remember :') it was probably boring 
26. What time did you wake up: I woke up at 9 surprisingly well rested 
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching Jupiter Ascending which is one heck of a movie 
28. Name something you can’t wait for: going to visit my geef in New Jersey again
 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: I'm sitting next to her on the couch watching family feud right now 
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: GIVE ME THE HECKENING MOTIVATION!!!!
 31. What are you listening right now: G-Mix: Russel on Spotify. I'm goin through all of their playlists. B) 
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: there were a few different guys named Tom at the campgrounds we used to go to every summer. 
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my LACK!! OF MOTIVATION!!!!! 
34. Most visited website: tumblr, YouTube, kimcartoon 

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 
35. Mole/s: a few on my arms
 36. Mark/s: fuckin perpetual acne and scars from it on my shoulders and back : ) a birthmark on my left side and supposedly one on the back of my neck but ofc I've never actually seen it -squints- a few freckles here and there 
37. Childhood dream: to be literally every fucking profession. I wanted to be a princess, a fire fighter, a veterinarian, a cop, a psychiatrist...
 38. Hair color: brown
 39. Long or short hair: short, I look like one of the Beatles lmao 
40. Do you have a crush on someone: does my gf count 👀 
41. What do you like about yourself: I'm a good friend and I got a nice body 😘
 42. Piercings: just 2, one traditional piercing in each ear. I really want a bar of some kind, at least one cartilage piercing. 
 43. Blood type: O+
 44. Nickname: saoirse, seersh, peri, peridot 
45. Relationship status: taken by my gf 46. Zodiac: sexy, sexy Sagittarius ;)
 47. Pronouns: they/them or... ya know what idc actually any pronouns lol
 48. Favorite TV Show: Steven Universe, Rick and Morty, Community 49. Tattoos: none YET 
50. Right or left hand: right-handed though I am slightly better with my left hand at frisbee for some reason 
51. Surgery: once I had a surgery on my tooth that never came down because the teeth on either side were too close together. 
52. Hair dyed in different color: never :c
 ... yet 53. Sport: I used to be in track/field for one year in middle school, I was horrible at it but I did the 200, high jump and long jump. When I say I was bad at it I mean I was Literally The Worst on the team by far. I like to watch hockey especially in the arena because it gets WILD in there. You get to hear all the crazy shit all the drunk fans are saying and watch people get into fights and yell at each other 54. was there a 54 before bc i lost it i guess? and i just copy-pasted the whole thing 
55. Vacation: a nice little cabin in the woods with hiking trails around it would be perfect 👌 I'd also like to go on a cross-country road trip someday 
56. Pair of trainers: these black ones with neon laces that I wear to work, my favorite ones right now that are black with stars that glow in the dark (I don't wear them to work so as not to wear them out), a pair of black converse and a pair of black and teal vans, both of which I've had for years MORE GENERAL:
 57. Eating: nothing right now 
58. Drinking: coke  
59. I’m about to: READ A FUCKING BOOK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2 YEARS 
61. Waiting for: me to get my shit together 
62. Want: a raise? No? Damn. motivation??? .... shit. 
63. Get married: someday, u know it -finger guns- 
64. Career: artist/illustrator if I HAD THAT FUCKING MOTIVATION 👏👏👏 i have been wondering how I would do as a plumber tho.. 🤔 

WHICH IS BETTER 
65. Hugs or kisses: hugs
? 66. Lips or eyes: eyes
 67. Shorter or taller: maybe.. a LITTLE taller????????????? if ANYTHING??
 68. Older or younger: I am 19 and too far in either direction is Uncomfortable 😐
 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: What Does This Mean (in general tummies are nice tho) 
71. Sensitive or loud: hm?? I'm sensitive to loud noises???? I really don't know what this means
 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship
 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: "i’m a hesitant trouble-maker" -my gf and honestly, same 

HAVE YOU EVER: 
74. Kissed a Stranger: no 
75. Drank hard liquor: hell yea 
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I've briefly been unable to find them but I always find them again 
 77. Turned someone down: yes have you ever been friends with a Nice Guy 
78. Sex on the first date: what is this... Sex
 79. Broken someone’s heart: probably since I've turned people down 
80. Had your heart broken: yeah
 81. Been arrested: nope 😏don't plan on it either 
82. Cried when someone died: umm I cried like a week after someone died does that count? My emotions are delayed sometimes
 83. Fallen for a friend: ;) ye 

 DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
 84. Yourself: barely
 85. Miracles: not technically 
86. Love at first sight: sometimes 
87. Santa Claus: again not technically but I think he's a good symbol for kids and in general positive vibes during the holiday season
 88. Kiss on the first date: yeanoooo.. it takes a while for me. When in doubt just ask. And listen to my response lmao (someone kissed me after I said no and MMM 😬) 

OTHER:
 90. Current best friend name: I can't just pick one 😫I have like 10 REALLY great friends I trust with my life 
 91. Eye color: grey-green
 92. Favorite movie: the only movie I can think of right now is Jupiter Ascending because i just saw it last night and it's the first movie I've seen in months lol. OH FUCKING HECK INTERSTELLAR THATS MY FAVORITE MOVIE I LOVE INTERSTELLAR 

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE: imma do what tessa did and tag the last 20 mutuals in my notes so don’t feel obligated to do this or even read it! also if you don’t want me to tag you in these in the future let me know and i’ll do my best to avoid it. @gordamnramsey, @mysteriousquartz, @celestialmoonlights, @viviannevendetta, @carryonmywaywardplanet, @jamesxfilesthemeroach, @lordsardine, @woahdaleks, @prettythinker, @belleweather, @squidego, @reck2468, @sexyninjakitty96, @animeandmanga-bearcat, @thesamanthagossamer

im actually gonna cut it off there at 15 bc i don’t have that many active mutuals lol oK HAVE FUN EVERYBODY make sure to tag me if you do this!