#And yes I will tame that brat don't you worry >:3

[cupidkyu]

can you repost the top Kinich hcs PLEASE

DOM TOP KINICH HCS

— gn!reader, brat taming implied,mean kinich,org4sm denial(?), degradation, overstim.

ts took so long 2 answer but yes,idk why it keeps taking down my posts but here ya go!!!

kinich definitely degrades you in an indifferent tone, making you feel inferior compared to him, looking down at you with a boring gaze as he fucked into you m1ssionary.

and enjoys tying your hands together! he likes watching you squirm and struggle against the rope bounding both your wrists together while he acts all gentle with you,yet his tip presses so firmly against that spot,youre whimpering and wailing for him to go faster,he'll give it to you, don't worry. but just stay as a good little toy for him, okay?

“you're so annoying.” he'd sigh, thrusting so deliberately slowly,his eyes never laying off of you,his nails digging into your neck as your hips buck up against him so desperately,your mewls only turning him more each time,“please- I-.. ngh~ kinich- I'm sorry-” you'd apologize pathetically,so pathetically. “for what? for acting like a lil' bitch? or sorry for not being able to satisfy me?” he spat coldly, punctuating his words with a harsh slam this time, letting out a quiet groan as a squeal escaped from you. of course,he didn't mean what he said. he just loves watching you protest,he just loves your little 'i can,i promise!'s. can you blame him?

kinich loves watching you beg for release,you wanna squirt,you wanna spill,just for him. but he never lets you,at least not so fast. he likes watching tears drip down your eyes,your bottom lip shaky as you try your best to speak and plead for him to allow you to come. he'll fuck into you so roughly,but warning you that if you ej4culate without his permission, he'll punish you!

sure,he's a little mean when hes wrecking you senseless,but he still tries his best to show you he doesn't mean to harm you in any way! you are his darling lover after all. however,it doesn't mean he'll pass up on the offer of watching his pet crying and sobbing to release!!!

you were throbbing from both pain and pleasure,your eyes rolling back as you moan repeatedly. “c-..come- please- I wanna- hnf~..! wanna come-! please- I-” you'd stumble between your words as he kept pushing himself inside you, cocking his head to the side as he speaks,“no, I've already told you. you're not going to, unless I'm close.” you nod weakly,not wanting to upset your lover. he rubbed your waist softly to remind you that he loves you a lot,hiccups escaping your throat as you took his cock<3 but you couldn't help but immediately fold when he pushes a little bit to deep and rough inside you, causing you to shiver and cream, earning a disapproving look from him.

kinich bends you over the bed, changing the position a little. his finger twirls a strand of your hair as you cry from the harsh,messy treatment you're receiving from him. your eyes twitching uncontrollably when he keeps rubbing that one spot. your thighs covered in light red from how harsh he was spanking them.

he keeps your head down with one of his hands as he wrecks your hole, squeezing and clenching around him as your legs tremble from the nth or4gsm. globs of tears staining the bedsheets as he keeps you pinned down.

oh how pretty you looked when hes fucking you like there's no tomorrow, finally letting you come but with a catch,he makes you spill over and over! your hair is tugged,yanked,used as a handle for him to use,your neck covered in bruises and bites. you were filled,so full, completely full. you could feel his cock over and over again while you're full of his sem4n. “does it feel good,hm?” he'd ask, already knowing the answer,his free hand tracing your back,“y-..yesh! feels so- goood~..! s-soo good~” you'd blabber. you could suddenly feel his palm against your reddened thigh,you shrieked so adorably, earning a chuckle from him as he practically splits you in half. he shoved your face down against the bedsheets,your now whines muffled as he continues to ram himself inside you,how long will this last? who knows! but you just feel so much at once while hes tearing you apart,maybe he should focus on making his beloved come over and over again!>_<

@cupidkyu

[koqabear]

hello hello WHERE HAS THAT ALIEN SOOBIN TENTACLE PORN FIC ALL MY LIFE???????

as a fiend for all things terrestrial and lover of monster fucking i just lost my mind over how mind numbingly good that was

and i mean all of it, like the world building is on top and how i love the power dynamics when mc got into the kingdom, and am i deranged for thinking the scene w mc tied down to a chair was so hot?

oh imma get into soobin like HSJKDODJSJWI ur descriptions on his alien physique and powers was so so good like the image i have of him in my mind is killing me, if i have the skill to draw i'd fill up a whole book w him

AND THE SMUT GODDAMN!!!!!! how mc didn't moan when soobin choked her is beyond me but omfg that got me all fucked up i was starting to feel like im in heat too 😭

like im banging my head on the wall how u manage to build up all the tension from mc being level headed and leader-like to her throwing herself on tyun and hyuka and then still trying to brat out soobin to ultimately get her mind broke.

ALSO THE FACT THEY WATCHED AAAA im making myself ctfu cuz i kept imagining them in their minds w mini spongebobs panicking and burning files while trying to not make eye contact 💀

love how soobin also slowly got softer like he's this tall almighty couldn't-look-into-his-eyes intimidating being back at the palace and now he's a cuddly smug lil shit w mc just cuz they mated 🥹

which btw im also curious as to how he's able to form a bond by injecting his blood (?) into her, which is completely fine by me if u wanna leave that up for Interpretation! im just so interested in this universe, like bullets don't affect soobin? his species instilling fear after mc figured out what he is? could soobin just kill the mc and sever the bond or could he not? like how good of a pussy do u need to have to tame this beast?

u don't have to answer all that im getting obsessed w this fic and the world and i need to stop this is getting so long im sorry 🥲

anw i love ur writing and ur one of my fav writers, that was such a good good read and it's definitely my top favorites now, honestly every fic u put out has impeccable background and again i adore how u write relationships and dynamics so naturally and deep and the whole experience is just so immersive

k ending this here before i add another 10 paragraphs... 🚶‍♀️

hahaha thank you!!! this sudden resurgence of interest for what the body wants was completely unexpected but wholeheartedly welcomed! this fic was the first lengthy, detailed one that i published on here, so it’s such a compliment to hear that you enjoyed it ! <3 and omg, you’re making him wanna draw him now… pause… i think i will after this. 

i honestly was a little worried that both the mc’s and soobin’s change was too sudden 😭 i still feel like i could’ve executed it better, maybe? or maybe i’m just overthinking things, idk. but seriously, that smut was genuinely one of the most insane one i’ve ever written?? i didn’t realize that i’d forever be cementing soobin to a life of nonhuman!aus after that— sorry soobin i simply do not make the rules. 

i answer your questions under the cut!! i also go overboard with it aksbsksn

-[blood bonds? how tf does that work?]

ok. so! in the universe that WTBW is set in, Soobin’s species (that i am too lazy to go check the name of) are seen as absolute indestructible units by both other aliens/monsters and humans. Why is that? Because of their blood! it’s used as a weapon against other nonhumans because it’s toxic and deadly— thus, the reputation of the lilac blood gave the creatures the image of being insanely dangerous. 

as a matter of fact, there are operation sites that breed and harness blood from Soobin’s species because it’s such a sought after (and illegal. insanely illegal.) weapon! and that’s the reason why humans— more specifically, the mc and her crew— are so terrified of the Hexen species, (yes i did look up the name just now.) and more importantly, their blood— because it’s known to be used as a lethal weapon. 

Now, onto the main question; blood bonds, what the hell is up with that? lilac blood is lethal to every species but the one it came from— in other words, it doesn’t harm the hexen species. so, when they give each other / inject their blood into each other (i know, it sounds a little gross) it’s basically their way of bonding/mating— it represents them uniting and becoming one, and is a promise to remain together as long as they’re alive; yeah, they bond for life! 

-[do bullets affect soobin? how strong is he?]

long story short, yes— however, they don’t affect him as much as they would a normal human, or another nonhuman that isn’t as strong as his species. would they penetrate his skin? yes, but it would be a surface wound at most; his species has evolved to be extremely strong because they carry lilac blood and are able to receive it, so their body should be strong enough to handle it, and also, they have like six other limbs to attend to— it takes quite a bit of mental and physical strength to be able to develop and strengthen everything properly, if that makes sense.

could the mc’s crew have taken him down? yeah, a headshot is a headshot and soobin would’ve been a goner askdlh,, but his threats were enough to bring them to their senses bc yk.. he has tentacles that can move at the blink of an eye and he would’ve most likely taken one of them down before getting killed. he’s not invincible, but you do have to put a little extra effort in harming/killing him.

-[could soobin just kill the mc to break the bond?]

here’s the fun part hehe— so lilac blood, when used on humans, doesn’t kill them. Instead, it acts as an aphrodisiac. originally, lilac blood was only used as a weapon against non-humans; in other words, before space exploration evolved into what it is in that universe. Because of that, the hexen species didn’t evolve to combat against humans— which means the deadly aspect is taken away from the whole injection of it all. on soobin’s planet, everyone is already strictly against interacting with humans— the hatred doesn’t run as intense as other planets however, which is why soobin is so indifferent when he encounters the mc without her pin— so really, none of them knew what would happen if you injected your blood into them. 

soobin simply thought it would work as usual; what he didn’t account for, however, was the fact that humans don’t die from it— which means that they’re able to sustain it, and now… soobin’s body and mind thinks he’s just bonded with another of his kind!

as previously mentioned, the hexen species bonds for life— meaning that, if soobin tried to kill the mc, his body would go haywire and immediately think that his mate— his other half— is dead. a life without your mate can be seriously detrimental to both one’s physical and mental health, so soobin wouldn’t have lasted long without the mc; he would’ve been immediately weakened, and the crew would’ve taken that chance to take him down— if they somehow chose to keep him alive, he quickly would’ve died after anyway. (that’s dark sorry.)

ahhhh im so mad i never really included any of this in the original fic, but thank you so much for leaving me such a kind review and allowing me to ramble about this story!! i hope this answered your questions hehe, thank you again!  

[killemwithkawaii]

>:3c 🍖💕

Hello, I’d like a romantic (+NSFW) matchup! 

You can call me 🥩 Anon

I’m a bisexual gender-fluid AFAB (they/he) in my late twenties.

Physical description: a bit over 5’, petite frame with some muscle from my line cook job. My hair is long, dark, and wild, I have big brown eyes with thick lashes, small hands, and I’ve been told I have a great smile, despite my teeth being crooked (which I’m kind of insecure about;;). I have stretched ears, a lip piercing, and there are little moles and freckles all over me (though the rest of my skin is pale enough to see through) along with various little scars on my forearms from being burned or cut at work. 

Personality: Introverted but very friendly, easily attached to people, quickly ride-or-die. I’m physically affectionate with my friends and my partner (but hate being touched by strangers), playful, passionate, dedicated, sensitive, empathetic, romantic and horny af. I’m an entertainer at heart and love to make people laugh! I am autistic and have ADHD, so I feel all my emotions very deeply (and I fall in love hard and fast), can sometimes overreact in the moment, have mood drops and sensory issues, and I’m usually the last to catch a drift (including when someone is trying to flirt with me). I'm addicted to caffeine and smoke my fair share of weed (but am a bit of a lightweight). Usually a home-body, but I like to go adventuring once in a while with the right people.

Interests: In my free time, I like to draw, write, bake/cook, watch cartoons and daydream, though I’d like to make my art my full-time job! I’m a sucker for anything cute, but I also love horror and will often mix the two in my creative work. I have a broad taste in music and my wardrobe is eclectic, ranging from pastels to punk (just depends on the day and the gender). I also collect stickers, scrap paper and various other trinkets that I never really use (I just like looking at them lol)

Relationships: Usually monogamous, but open to a poly relationship with the right people. I love playful teasing, inside jokes, and general silliness in relationships, as well as a lot of physical touch, positive affirmation and acts of service (I also give gifts, but feel weird receiving them if they’re expensive. Home-made is much better!). I’m highly devoted and affectionate with my partner(s), but still very much value my privacy and alone time. I am mentally ill and need a partner who will be understanding of the difficulties that come with that. I cannot handle someone raising their voice at me or being passive-aggressive. Very clear, calm communication and honesty are a must! They have to be respectful of my gender identity as well, or things will never work.

NSFW: I’m a sub-leaning switch (more dom on masc days). What turns me on most is turning my partner on and knowing I’m making them feel good! I’m moderately kinky (with like A LOT of different kinks that hit at different times) but I still love romantic, vanilla sex and would never pressure my partner to participate in my kinks if they weren’t into it (that’s what my art and writing are for!). My libido tends to be 0 or 100, so its all cuddles or they have to scrape me off of them to get anything done. (PS hope they like rawdogging bc I hate the texture of condoms (and I’ve got an IUD so no worries they can go nuts lol 👍))

Thanks in advance :)

It's always so fun to have a new Anon! Welcome to the blog. Ya know you remind me a lot of one of my closest Tumblr friends... Anywho!

Your match is

꒒ꍏꋪꋪꌩ ꀭꂦꃅꈤꌗꂦꈤ ❤️

I think Larry would most definitely be appreciative of a smol king (read that like you're hearing Bill and Ted talk)

Larry likes to come up behind you and rest his chin on the top of your head while holding you. He sways gently to whatever song is currently playing in his head

Larry has ADHD too, so he gets it

And he understands that ADHD and autism have quite a few overlapping symptoms.

So he's ultra understanding when it comes to that

And Larry isn't really attracted to a specific gender

"Whatever makes you happy, babe. You do you, and, uh, I'll do you too 😁"

Cue goofy, gap-toothed smile

I feel like you and Larry met at work?

Like you were doing your line cook thing and Larry was on dish duty

So he spied you drawing while you were on break

And he came up and sat next to you, asking if you wanted to spend break smoking and talking about art

And it just blossomed from there

Larry really likes your art. He likes his seamlessly you incorporate horror and gore into cutesy pastel colored works

He also enjoys seeing what you come up with music wise

Larry has endless suggestions to help you expand your playlist even more, giving you a crash course in all things metal

Skipping around because ADHD rules me too 😅

Larry is very touched by your loyalty

He's kind of got some abandonment issues from Jim

So the fact that you're there? Ride or die?

That means so much to Larry that he gets teary eyed thinking about it

Larry loves your smile

He, of all people, understands that teeth don't have to be perfectly straight to make up a great smile

Since Larry loves your smile so much

He goes to super extra lengths to ensure that he sees it as much as possible

Like he really hams it up for you

Acting like a himbo who was born yesterday

Just so you'll have someone to laugh/fret over

He just wants to see you happy

And even when you're not so happy, he's patient.

He'll help you get through it

Larry would definitely have a higher weed tolerance than you

But I think his mere presence would help to raise your tolerance by at least 37.3%

I can see him pulling you, Sal and company along on a sativa fueled adventure though

Even though he prefers to stay in as well

Larry also survives on caffeine, and throw in pizza and strawberry Häagen Dazs and you've got his major food groups.

But Larry would be totally into your baking and cooking

He'd be your number one taste tester

Also, Larry is the king of pancake dinners (or breakfasts... Any meal really)

So yeah, enjoy that ☺️

Also high cartoon binges are a pretty regular occurrence with Larry

Half of what Larry watches is cartoons.

The rest is stuff like Three Busy Debra's, The Whitest Kids You Know, Brad Neely's Harg Nallin Sclopio Peepio, etc

Overall, I feel like Larry really matches your personality qualities and love languages

His love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of service

Does song writing count as gift giving?

Yes, you heard me

Larry writes you songs

Sometimes the lyrics are deep, meaningful, full of emotion and passion with intricate guitar work

Other times the songs are more simplistic musically, with dumb or cheesy lyrics

But sometimes you make Larry just that

Dumb and cheesy

Citrus below cut 🍋 🍊 🍋 🍊

First off, thank you for being clear about whether you wanted nsfw, as well as your age range. Ilysm for that, Anon of the month award ⭐⭐⭐

Larry is a dom switch and no one can tell me differently

But in your situation, this works out great

He's got a heavy lean to the dom side, but will sub in the right circumstances

He's especially more open to subbing if you're having one of your masc days

Even if he does act a little like a brat

I hope you like brat taming, heh 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think Larry is also notoriously horny on main

This man can turn anything into a dirty joke, if given enough time

I can see him bravely assisting you as you tackle your kink list

Such a brave, honorable guy!

[darlingpwease]

Obsessive subs are such.... fucking precious. The only yandere i accept if they’re subs or dom writers wrote them because they know what’s up <3 none of that sadistic shit. Harming their darlings is not what yandere is 😒 that’s a yangire

But utterly lovestruck puppy who just had their eyes on you?? 🥺🥺🥺🥺 EVEN BETTER. Who worship every ground you walk on. Literally. Obsessive puppy who’s the leader in any organization, group or country that would kneel in front of you while you sit on your golden throne, as he gently (their touches are so soft it’s hurts) cradle your legs and kisses it reverently. 🤤 it doesn’t matter if they don’t have any mighty titles or just a normal person, they’d still trying to tend to your needs 🥺

Tldr: YANDERE SUBS ARE TOP TIER 😭🥺

cw heavy unhealthy behaviour, worshipping + idolisation + obsession, someone has injuries with betrayal and it's noticeable

yes!!! the only yanderes I love are yanderes belonging to strictly dominant writers <3 I don't understand why, but only they can create the very type of my favorite, like the best confectioners.

I swear, about a week or two ago I discussed this topic with the fact that lately yandere is always someone sadistic or hurting darling, but after all, the meaning of yandere is unconditional and unhealthy love; if yandere harms the reader, then it's not yandere, it's an abuser and a sadist; if they harm the reader and they don't like the reader, then it's yangire.

yandere is always about an unhealthy manifestation of the same love that has long ceased to be healthy or has never been healthy. if they are ready to harm others, but they won't lift a paw at the reader, then it's yandere, but if they harm the reader, then it's not — but everyone still confuse it, as if it's so hard to understand the meaning of the word itself.

that's why I only read from dominant writers — step to the right, step to the left, and I close the work </3 and as a rule, I also block, because I have a bad memory and I don't see the point in keeping something submissive </333

they are like your cute puppy/kitten who looks at you with lovingly plaintive eyes as soon as you turn away from them,,,,, and they don't impose at all, but you don't know if you want to pat them on the head or give them a collar, because for some reason they make you want to tie them to yourself,,,,,,

(bonus points for brats: when you look at them, they don't look the same, but as soon as you turn away — everyone around understands everything)

or when they are kind of strong/powerful (or the strongest/most powerful, for your taste), but become so tame next to you, as if you are their deity, which they cannot give up because they are too dependent and absorbed. you just mean the whole world to them, and nothing can be more important and more significant than you, but if they are at the same time ready to fight with you and try to be healthy (although they very easily slip into unhealthy at any hint),,,, this is a work of art.

they try, they really try, especially if you're not as passionate and unhealthy as they are, but it's so easy to get too many of them until the threat disappears. I just want to lock them up at home

even more points if there are words like "yes, I can live without you, but I don't want such a life" or "if there is no you in this world, then I don't want to be in it" and similar cheesy things,,,,,,,, purrrrr,,,,,,,,,,,

it doesn't matter if it's a combat couple, "just recently received a peaceful life", an ordinary citizen & their extraordinary partner or something like that — I eat everything <3

when they put you on a pedestal, even if they have "absolutely nothing to give you," and they try to do everything to make you stay close and be satisfied — in addition, it's just good material for a significant escape from "socially accepted models of relationships," it's so precious.

you don't even have to ask anything, you know that you are the most important thing to them, you don't have to worry about them getting carried away with someone or that they love only a part of you — they are so worshipful that you involuntarily begin to accept their view of you; when there is always at least one behind you who will be with you until the end,,,,,,

maybe they sometimes show character, or you can have a petty quarrel, but no matter what happens, they will never leave you and in the end they will do as you want, even if they don't want it. of course they have principles — maybe they even have faith, but you will always be above everything.

... even if it is obvious favoritism, no one will dare to tell them something like that <3

[bunny-rambles]

OMG I HAVE A BRILLIANT REQUEST, OMAY SO SCARAMOUCHE AND HIS GF MODERN AU, THERES THIS JOB WHERE ITPAYS LICK A BUNCH LOAD TO TAKE CARE OF THESE LIL KIDS AND SCARA AND THE READER WAS LIKE; “this will be so easy” AND WHEN THEY WENT TO THE JOB, IT WAS TERRIBLE. THE KIDS WERE WAYYY TO HECTIC. (omg the kids could be the other fatuis as babies OR ANYONE ELSE FROM GENSHIN) and thats where scara began hating children.

-🥸

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“Scaramouche, and the tale of Babysitting.”

notes: a gift for the lovely toe, your name came from a joke but, in all seriousness, your little messages of encouragement really motivated me. You got through finals, and I’m proud of you, so enjoy this absolute mess of a fic. It’s just as chaotic as you <3 reader is gender neutral, but other than that, enjoy your gift

Characters included: (you!) Scara,

The children: Childe(5), Bennett(4), Itto(6), Razor(4), Albedo(5), Kazuha(3), Diluc(7), Kaeya(6), ( I picked some chaotic characters and some calm ones to even things out, not everyone is included but I might do a part 2 with characters I missed if I feel motivated enough)

CW/TW: children, mentioning of babies/starting a family, cursing, minor mention of blood, but it’s mostly just crack/fluff and the babies/kids being a nightmare for reader & Scara. Fluff and general shenanigans, but I warn you, this whole story is a mess, possibly cursed, but I low-key love it.

Extra: honestly, this is just crack. I’m sorry if it’s not written the greatest but I tried my best, I hope you enjoy <3

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“... Have… Have you been stealing children?”

“Why would I want to steal a bunch of brats- OW! KNOCK IT OFF GINGER!”

The scene you just walked in on was one of absolute chaos.

You and Scaramouche had been dating for a while now, and were already sharing an apartment. Despite your boyfriend's standoffish behaviour, your private lives were actually pretty quiet. You rarely argued, you both shared chores… Apart from the lack of attention he gave to you because of his job, he was almost the perfect boyfriend.

Almost.

This was where that word was important. Sometimes you’d come home to Scara doing something for his colleagues such as pet sitting, or looking after their younger siblings. Most of the time, things went well, and it was nothing you couldn’t handle. But this…

“How many did you say you’d look after?!”

“I only said yes to two of them, and then Signora had to open her mouth and tell everyone about it- DON'T CHEW ON THAT!” He was already picking up one of the children, trying to tug a wire out of his mouth. This one in particular acted more like a puppy when they were teething instead of an infant, you noted as you watched him nibble on your partner's sleeve.

“Why didn’t you say no?”

“Why do you think?! I thought it would be easy money! Now I’m stuck here trying to tame a bunch of…feral animals!”

You finally took a real look at your shared home and couldn’t help but stare in horror. Your beautiful, pristine white walls were covered in scorch marks and scribbles, the floor stained with paint, blood and scratch marks. You even saw a hole that went through a painting that was on your wall.

“What the f-”

You were interrupted by what you could only describe as demonic laughter. Your eyes trailed over to the voice, raising an eyebrow at what you saw. You watched as a small ginger child tied Scara’s shoelaces together, and then proceeded to witness him fall hard on his ass after putting ‘puppy boy’ down.

“You aren’t really supposed to wear shoes indoors anyway…”

“Shut up!”

So, after a few moments of ‘wrangling the beasts’, your lover called it, you managed to count 8 of them in your household.

The calmer ones, Diluc and Albedo, were nothing short of little angels. You didn’t need to worry about them, even though you were sure the blonde was trying to take apart something that he was hiding in his hands. In fact, you had heard the red head put a few of the children in their place once or twice, but after the fourth time he had given up and went to do his own thing. which looked like playing chess by himself.

Then, the brats and pranksters, Itto, Kaeya and Childe. The ‘demons’ who had made it their personal mission to make your boyfriend's life for the next 12 hours a living hell. ‘The ginger one is the worst.’ Your lover told you, glaring down at the small child half his size, who was innocently grinning back at him. little shit-

You had assumed the destruction of your living room was because of them, but no. The outliers were the other three. Bennett, Razor and Kazuha. Kazuha was the youngest, so only the small scribbles of jumbled words were his doing. But poor Bennett, it seemed everything he touched just exploded or set on fire. Every single electrical device he had managed to get his hands on had gone up in flames. Your toaster, your microwave, even one of your hairdryers. You almost didn’t believe Scara when he was explaining all this, but after you had witnessed one of your light bulbs exploding after the infant had merely touched a lamp, that was enough evidence for you. And Razor… Well, it was more like looking after a puppy. His nails looked more like claws, and his teeth were like sharp little needles. So, the blood stains? That was a mix of Bennett falling over and scraping his knee, and a brawl two of the infants had. You noted the tallest kid, Itto, had a bloody nose by the time you had come home. And chunks of ginger hair were stuck in his long fingernails. You could take a wild guess as to who he was fighting…

“How long do you have to do this exactly… If it’s any longer than 24 hours we won’t have a house left.” You heard a heavy sigh next to you, your boyfriend's incoherent, angry mutterings under his breath barely heard over the screeches of children.

“Just for the night. Any longer and I’ll personally throw these… Creatures… Into their owner's faces.”

“They’re just kids, babe…”

He looked offended when you finally glanced at him. “Have you seen what they’ve done? Signora put a curse on me, these aren’t kids!”

You did have to admit that, although ‘creatures’ was a bit harsh, these were no ordinary infants.

“Maybe they’re just hungry?” Children were known to act up when they were hungry, it wasn’t that bad of a speculation. You rose from your seat and made your way to the kitchen, and unsurprisingly, a few of them toddled along behind you. You were surprised to see even the quietest, Albedo, had joined the gangle of misfits. “So you were hungry! Alright boys, what do you want? There’s plenty of options!” You had tried your best to be cheerful and positive, despite feeling rather miserable that everything in the living room was now almost completely destroyed.

“Cookies!”

“Chocolate!”

“Cake!”

“Ice cream!”

“Candy!”

You were hoping for something without sugar, as you didn’t want to deal with a hoard of screaming children high off of E numbers. But even you didn’t expect the small blonde to peak his head out from behind Itto, a hopeful look on his face.

“Please?” He asked quietly, and your heart melted. You were about to say yes, but your partner beat you to it.

“No way in hell. Don’t even think about it.”

You pulled back leaning down towards the blonde, looking at your boyfriend with a pout of your own. You knew he was right, it was a recipe for disaster, but when you had multiple pairs of puppy eyes staring up at you, it was hard to refuse.

“But…”

“Not. Happening.”

You sighed. There was no winning this. “Alright, alright… Pizza then?”

“Fine.” Grumbled the short, grouchy man as he stalked back to the wrecked living room. You waited a moment before looking down at all the sad, pouty faces staring back at you.

“How about I make some hot cocoa with marshmallows for you all instead?” That seemed to perk everyone up. Even Childe was grinning like a maniac, you might add from ear to ear, even after the defeat from the war of desserts with the not so big, bad Scaramouche. You could honestly understand why your lover was having such a hard time with them. He was stubborn and hard headed, and half of these kids were exactly the same.

It took a while, but you finally managed to make each of the children some hot chocolate and marshmallows, even the ones that hadn’t come to the kitchen. You were hoping it would put a smile on Bennett’s face, since he seemed to have been sulking in the corner after breaking an expensive ornament. Honestly, you were surprised you hadn’t run out of band aids with him around, his hands now cut up from trying to fix it himself. But yes, hot chocolate seemed to have proven to be the best medicine for his sudden mood drop. You casted a glance towards your boyfriend, who was scowling at you for finding a loophole in his ‘no sugar’ rule.

“Don’t look at me like that… I made one for you, too. Even put extra marshmallows in it…” You were trying to soften him up, flashing him a grin, but he wasn’t budging. He scoffed at you before folding his arms, turning his nose upwards. “You think I can be won over with a simple beverage? Try harder.” You rolled your eyes at his dramatics, placing yourself beside him and wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in close.

“Would kisses and cuddles make the lil man happy? Hmmm?” You cooed playfully, head resting against his shoulders while you made a kissy face at him. He barely spared you a glance and you could already tell his cold facade was starting to break.

“... No. Shut up. And stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what, hm?”

“Like that! You know what you’re doing!”

“Do I~?”

You heard an exasperated sigh come from the shorter male, but you spotted that his lips had curled up into a slight smile. Gotcha.

You were about to push your teasing just a little further, but you were interrupted by little giggles that you were sure didn’t come from your boyfriend. Your eyes trailed towards the two children that had caught on to your flirting, spotting two smug little smirks on Kaeya and Childe’s faces. Despite them being so young, they looked like they knew exactly what was going on. It was a little creepy, actually.

“Ew… Get a room, you two!” Young Kaeya teased while Childe cackled, pointing at the both of you.

“Look, Kae! The lil man’s all red!” He chortled, using the nickname you had just used.

You heard a tell-tale growl of annoyance from your partner, and you had to forcibly press down on his chest so he didn’t get up to try to fight an infant. “You’re smaller than me, dipshit. You’re lucky you’re 5. Hmph.” He looked away, arms folded.

You sighed yet again for the umpteenth time since you came home. This was going to be a long night.

—

You decided it was better to split the children up, the calmer ones going to Scara, and the ‘brats’ going to you. Itto, Kaeya, Childe and Bennett were your responsibility for the night, while Scara looked after Diluc, Albedo, Razor and Kazuha. Despite little Benny not being a brat, he had caused the most chaos out of everyone in the room, so you volunteered to take him.

You were… Fortunate. They had all taken a liking to you, mainly because you were actually nice to them. But even without them pulling pranks on you, it was a bit of a nightmare to put up with them. You found out quickly that Itto and Childe did not like each other, at all. Or maybe, Itto just didn’t like Childe. The rowdy ginger had a habit of picking fights with the taller kid, and teasing him that he’d never win. You were just certain he wanted chaos, and he was picking on the strongest, biggest kid to get it. You actually felt pretty bad for him. He seemed to like bugs, so you took him out to the small garden you had, and you couldn’t help but smile when he grabbed your hand and tugged you to the biggest beetle he could find. Unfortunately, that meant the other three went unsupervised.

Thankfully before this, Bennett had taken a nap, so you didn’t have to worry about total destruction to your house. But the other two… Well…

—

“Hey, blondie!” Childe grinned, plopping himself next to the young genius. Kaeya took the place next to him, effectively caging the younger one in. Albedo blinked, and looked up from what he was sketching, tilting his head in confusion.

“Uh… Yes?” He answered, looking between the two of them.

“We have a little prop… Proper… We have a choice for you.” Kaeya fumbled with the big word he had heard his step-father say once, but his smugness never once waned.

“Oh?” Now the infant was interested, sitting up properly from his seat.

“Yeah! We want you to help us get back at the ‘lil man’. We stole… These… From the kitchen.” The other grinned, holding up a jar of cookies. “If you help us, you can share them with us.” The two boys beamed when they saw Albedo’s big blues light up from the sight of the sugary sweets. “...But, what if Mx Y/N catches us? And how are we going to convince Diluc?”

“Diluc? Why would he be involved?” Kaeya piped up. Albedo deadpanned, pointing over the other boy's shoulder.

“Because he’s right behind you.”

The two misfits froze up, carefully turning their heads back slowly, to see the names red haired glaring down at them with an unimpressed look on his face.

“Kaeya. What have I told you about /him/?” He pointedly looked at the unruly ginger.

“That he’s a bad influence…”

“Right. So why are you going along with this?” A strangely mature stature, for such a small child.

“Because Scawa… Scawamoo… Sca… Ugh! Because ‘lil man’ is a meanie! We haven’t done anything fun all night! Not even allowed any snacks…” Childe pouted, folding his arms over his small chest. At that, all four of the kids sighed. It was true. Scaramouche just didn’t know what to do with 8 kids, and he could barely put up with the four he had now. How do you entertain 8 children? The only thing he could do was put on the tv and hoped that at least a few of them would enjoy the mindless cartoons that were cycling over and over again.

“... What were you planning?” The oldest asked. It seemed even he was onboard with whatever they were going to do.

—

“It’s getting cold… Would you like to head inside now?”

“Aw… Okay, Y/N…” Itto huffed, but he didn’t fight you. It was late, cold and the beetle he just found had run away from him. And not to mention he was nearly falling asleep standing up. You chuckled, scooping him up in your arms and carrying him inside. You glanced towards your boyfriend, who was holding Kazuha and Razor on his lap. When you looked closer however, you couldn’t help but grin. Your boyfriend was fast asleep, the two babies curled up in his chest, all three of them covered in a thick blanket. You chuckled to yourself, moving in closer and pressing a soft kiss on Scara’s head. He stirred, sighing tiredly, arms tightening around the two children protectively. Maybe one day, those children… Would be your own.

The peaceful atmosphere didn’t last long. Unbeknownst to you, the other four children were hatching their plan. A ginger haired head peaked out from behind the chair, before looking towards the other three hiding behind him.

“Ready?” He whispered, receiving nods from the rest of the group.

You glanced up when you heard a loud crash behind you, turning around quickly. “What the…” You mumbled, moving away from the chair and looking around for the noise. “Benny? Did you wake up?” You called out, hand covering the child’s ears in your arms. No response. You shrugged, turning around again, but the sight sent shivers down your spine. Both of the children were gone.

“Scara! Wake up!” You shook him hard, watching him jolt upwards.

“Fu-, I mean, what?” He slurred, half asleep but he still remembered there were still kids in the room.

“The babies are gone!”

“WHAT?!” He screeched, fully awake and in full panic mode. When he stood up, he gasped as he tripped and fell straight to the floor. He groaned loudly, sitting up slowly. “Those fucking brats…” He mumbled, noting his shoes had yet again been tied together.

“NOW!” You heard a chorus of yells. Diluc, Childe and Kaeya all ran out, dog piling on your lover after covering him in a thick blanket. You would’ve helped him, but it all happened so quickly. And now your boyfriend was effectively turned into a sushi roll. You weren’t sure where they got the rope from, but they had tied him to secure his position. You heard laughter, and the sound of two separate hands slapping together. “Yes! That worked perfectly!” One cheered, you weren’t sure which. It was only when you turned the light on that you saw the two young ones that were with your boyfriend were now with Albedo at the dining table. He gave you an innocent wave, and in your shock, you slowly waved back. And when your eyes moved back to your lover, you couldn’t help your snicker, before breaking out into hearty laughter.

“Oh my god! Your face! Bahaha!”

“Shut up! Get me out of here!”

“Not so fast.” Diluc stood in front of your restrained boyfriend, folding his arms. “We’ll only let him go if you make a deal with us.”

“And what deal?”

“We get to have whatever snacks we want and go to bed when we want!” Childe nodded confidently, followed by a chorus of ‘yeah!’s.

“And please let that include cookies.” The blonde added with a small smile on his face.

“I want some too, Y/N!” Another voice cried out. You almost forgot about the child in your arms, who was now fully awake.

—

And so, after bargaining with the ruthless bandits that kidnapped your damsel in distress, you agreed. The night was filled with sugary snacks, a bunch of games and whatever movies they desired to watch as long as it wasn’t too out there. And thankfully, it wasn’t long before all of them were rubbing their eyes and doing their best to stay awake. All 10 of you decided to sleep downstairs, and made it into a little sleepover.

Albedo fell asleep first. You were sure the little introvert couldn’t handle this much excitement in one day. Then Kazuha followed. Then Diluc, Kaeya, Itto, Razor, Benny and finally Childe. And finally, here you were, wrapped up in your boyfriend's arms. Even though the day was a mess, at least it was a fun one.

“Y/N…”

“Mhm…?”

“... We’re never having kids.”

[cheriedarlings]

I can't judge the monster-fucking cause.. Respectfully, yes. To all of the examples.

But AAA corruption kinks have my whole heart, you've got this absolute asshole of a dom and then the sweetest sub ever so the dom is just like yeha I've got to ruin them (and I voLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE LIKE PLEASE)

I wanna clarify that I don't mean this is an ageplay way (I don't think it's part of ageplay if I'm wrong then I'm so sorry and I need to go educate myself, I've seen people into ageplay who like it so I'm not sure if it's related to that sort of thing) but a bratty sub purposely trying to piss off their dom or make them jealous is a personal favourite of mine. Just testing how far they can go and then oh shit here come the consequences of my actions

Tbh all the stuff you listed.. Amazing. Top tier. Chefs kiss

YES, you have taste, anon! There's just something about monster-fucking. I am simply obsessed. 🥰

Right?! It's one of the best, let's be real. 🤩 I love that concept so much, even if it makes many people roll their eyes now, LOL. Like you said, just the cutest and sweetest person ever being tainted by a horrible asshole. [Dreamy sigh] I also volunteer as tribute!

It's not part of ageplay, don't worry, you're all good! <3 But SO true. Brat taming, my beloved. 😇💝 Especially if it's a dom that's usually calm and collected, brought over the edge by their sub purposefully making them jealous or testing their patience. Ugh, it's so good.

AHH, I'm glad you think so! Chef's kiss to you as well, dear anon! <3 Thank you for sending this in, I love chatting about this kind of stuff, LOL. 😁

[sugulicious]

┄ ┄ ROLEPLAY RULES ❤︎˖*°࿐ ┄ ┄

┄ WANT TO BE A LOVER? ❤︎˖*°࿐

Do you want to be one of my many adoring lovers? To become one is quite simple.

Simply send in a request on or off anon and who you would like to be.

You can be a character anon, an emoji, or simply a name you want to go by. It's whatever your heart desires ♡

EX: 'hi there! can i be 💋 anon?' or 'hey zee - shisui' (i do not mind at all if you send in a starter and sign it with a character, emoji, or name; as long as it's not already taken)

I can roleplay in two different styles! The simpler 'actions way' or paragraph style. I usually reply to what is given to me first. Length of replies depend on what I get as well <3

EXAMPLE ONE: While your statement of kicking ass and looking good is true, it still worries me. More than that arson habit of yours I huff yet again when you hide your hands, the pout on my lips only growing more, looking away from your toothy grin to not give in

EXAMPLE TWO: Feeling the thrum of the music, I'm practically oblivious to the eyes following me, thinking about what drink to get when a sudden voice speaks to me. It's close enough to hear past the loud music and chatter of other patrons. I turn to look at you, eyebrows furrowed as I scoot a bit more to the side. "I wasn't aware specific colors were dangerous to wear." I scoff, giving the bartender my order as he finally makes his way to me. "What's it to you anyway?"

I'm unaware of who you are, as my over protective best friend and guard Kuroo made sure you and I never met. Not only because we were from rival mafias, but because you were Kuroo's number one enemy. Sure, I knew of the head of the Nohebi mafia, but I had never seen you, not even in pictures.

┄ FANDOMS ❤︎˖*°࿐

Characters from any of these fandoms are gladly welcomed and encouraged.

Tokyo Revengers Haikyuu!! Naruto Attack on Titan Jujutsu Kaisen

┄ YES AND NO'S ❤︎˖*°࿐

What I do or do not roleplay. Please make sure you read this throughly.

YES

vanilla: casual dates, drama, etc; basically anything not nsfw/dc. I'm always up for soft times too ♡

nsfw/dc: gun play, knife play, fear play, somnophilia, dacryphilia, dumbification, degradation, overstimulation, exhibitionism, edging, breeding, corruption, sacrilege, mommy/daddy kink, age gap, brat taming, some blood play, branding, biting/marking, bondage, stigmatophilia, piercings (make me go wild), some yandere, some cnc

NO

Scat, vomit, controversial topics, abuse, sexual assault, self harm, hate

If you ever want to discuss something first, please feel free to send in an ask. Only things not up for discussions are those in my no's.

┄ ALTERNATE UNIVERSES ❤︎˖*°࿐

Most threads will be between their own little thing aka different 'universes'. This is because most scenarios will be different between mods.

If you and another mod discuss things between yourself to have 'the world's collide' then that's okay. But please let me know or give me a small heads up so i don't turn into the screaming hamster meme all confused.

I will allow a max of two different mods per character if needed.

[yanderecandystore]

This is my first ask with an male darling! I'm so hyped :3!!

"-I don't know what to say-" [Yandere bully - Headcanons]

Oh boy he we go, I'm excited!!!

So, I'm gonna make this relating to this [🍬]!

So as I said in the other headcanon/scenario, of course they would try to give to their darling what they want. But also wanting something in return.

You've been wanting something that although you knew it was too expensive for you, you knew you wanted it.

You were trying to get yourself money to buy it, doing a couple of tasks for your neighbors, trying to save some money.

You were exhausted, everyone could see it. Working all day and night, going to school, trying to study so you can pass on an upcoming test.

Even your bullies noticed that you're too tired to deal with them.

Your parents already worked their asses out every single day, you couldn't just begg them to give you such an expensive gift.

They were a bit proud of your hard work, but it worries them that you're exhausting yourself to the bone.

In the end, the worst possibility happened. You didn't make enough money to buy it.

All the hard work, and still it wasn't enough to buy it.

You were sad, you had imagined it wouldn't be enough, but still, so much work, and still you didn't make it.

It's so frustrating, after all this work and you still couldn't make it!!?

Seeing you just so sad and lost on your on thoughts was torture for them. How can they play with you if you are acting like this?

Is like talking with an rock, or trying to kiss a rock! And yes, they have kissed their darling so many times through this event, but he didn't even noticed!

You weren't too sad about not getting what you wanted, you have given up already. But now you're just so tired, you could have slept better if you knew you weren't getting it.

You have given up on getting what you worked so hard on getting it, but your bullies haven't.

Although you probably didn't remember, you did tell them that you wanted something.

"- What was it again? Oh right, that. Sounds alright, we can get that."

The after an couple of days, you see them outside your house, both having a little smug grin on their faces. And looking as if they were holding themselves from laughing.

You didn't notice that they were trying to hide an gift. An gift made for you.

"- Surprise!"

Oh, that's interesting, they normally give you presents whenever they feel like given you something, but for some reason you still felt a little surprised by it.

You open it up, after noticing what it was, you were so shocked. You lost all the words at the moment.

You even forgot that they were supposed to be your tormentors. They gifted you with expensive gifts before, but this is something you wanted, and worked hard to get in of to no avail.

It was special for you.

"- I- I don't know what t-to say-" You want to thank them, but words couldn't describe how grateful you're.

"- Uh, sure, no need to thank us. We noticed that our little sweetheart wanted this so we decided to give you an reward for being so-"

You cut them off, you hugged them as it was the only way you could think of showing how much you appreciated your gift.

A tight hug, you started to cry a little, geez, it was an really expensive gift, you almost feel bad for them having to spend their money on you.

You thank them so many times.

But no words came out of their mouths. You hugged them so suddenly, you thanked them as if was the most precious thing in your life.

They didn't think it was this special for you, they're blushing madly, it's the first time you show them this type of affection.

So much affection and appreciation for a gift they didn't think it was anything special!

You managed to make them forget their ways. Geez, you're so annoyingly sweet.

You almost don't know what to say too, you asked them if they want to come inside for a bit. After all, they came all the way here, maybe they would want something to drink?

They were stunned, what??

In their heads, going inside your house is an next level of an relationship! Were you really asking them to come in and meet your family??

They even forget that they were planning on asking you to give them something on return. This is better than what they were thinking!

You take their hand and slowly walk them in, they're daydreaming, this is truly the best the day in their lives!

There is no one home except you and them, with they don't even notice. It's so calm in here, they want to explore every single inch of this house.

And this is how their darling managed to tame two lovestruck brats for at least an day. But after this they'll think you're an relationship with them, even if you called them in just to give them some water.

[hay-leeeah]

Joyride

Levi x Reader - One shot with fluff and a little implied smut

Notes - Hey guys! This is my first fic so I hope you all like it! I had so much fun writing this with help of my cutest friend @foolsettherulesinthisworld (check out her page it's amazing). Let me know if you guys have any requests or advice and if not please enjoy 💜

"Come on Y/N, don't be such a wimp" You could hear Levi mocking you. "If she doesn't want to ride its fine Levi don't make her feel uncomfortable" Erwin butted in. "You'll be known as the loser if you don't get on this ride you know, and that's after Oluo" You shot Levi a dirty look for the last comment. "At least I don't have to jump to make it past the height restriction" It was your turn to receive the death glare from the raven haired man. "Lets just get in line shall we?" Hange said impatiently.

You were frozen with fear. You had never liked roller coaster's and were now being forced onto the most terrifying one around thanks to your "friends". You stood in line in silence whilst Erwin and Hange joked about something you didn't have the mind to listen to. The people in front of you got into their kart with eager faces. Poor fools. You heard the loud buzz and the ride shot them off into the unknown horror.

Taking a deep breath you tried your hardest to put on a brave face. You were next in the queue and to your horror were waiting in line for the first row. Levi gave you a bored look "you're going to be fine Y/N stop panicking". The next kart was coming round. "Y/N are you ok? You look very pale" Erwin expressed with concern. The people exited the kart with wild hair and excited expressions. "I'm fine, we all have to conquer our fears some day right?" You nervously laughed. Your barrier opened and Levi confidently walked to his seat. Hange pushed you from behind "We wont let anything happen to you Y/N, promise”

You cautiously walked to your seat and sat down. Erwin came over and offered to help with your over shoulder restraints, which you gladly accepted. With everyone seated, the guard came and checked our straps. You wanted to scream, run in any direction away from this ride but you were trapped. You felt the fear build up in anticipation of what was to come. You could hear the guard counting down in slow motion.

3

This was really happening

2

There's no way out

1

The ride shot off a great speed throwing your weight backwards. Scrambling you grabbed Levi's hand tightly for support. You wanted to scream but couldn't find your voice, instead laughter appeared in its place. You had never felt this before, pure terror and joy at the same time.

You saw a bright light flash and hoped to god you didn't look as terrified as you felt. After twist and turn you could finally feel the ride coming to a stop with the terminal in sight. You breathed out a sigh in relief.

Shaking, you undid your straps and got out your seat. "See! That wasn't so bad was it Y/N!" Hange practically screamed in your face."It actually wasn't" you agreed, smiling like crazy whilst desperately trying to tame your hair. Erwin chuckled "We should go and check out the photo before we miss it". "Ahh yes I would love one for my key chain" you agreed. "I don't think the picture will be that great, I mean its probably just blurry" Levi commented with his signature grumpy face. "Ahh come on Levi don't joke it will be great!" Hange argued bounding off in the direction of the photo kiosk.

You searched for your picture as you drew closer to the photo stand, Hange was talking to the operator and suddenly your group was projected onto the huge screen to the back. You looked and saw images of pure joy on yours Erwin's & Hange's faces. Thanking the stars above you for the ear to ear grin on your face. Lastly you looked for Levi expecting to see the same bored expression as always, however instead finding one of pure terror. Hair scraped back from the wind, wide eyes and teeth clenched in fear, he was gripping the restraints and your hand as if his life depended on it.

You stared at Levi in a minute of pure confusion, not quite believing that poor terrified soul was him, until you heard a cackle behind you. You turned around to see Hange in tears, doubled over with laughter holding onto Erwin to keep her steady.

Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance as a wicked grin slowly consumed your face. Erwin chuckled behind you "four key chains and one extra large poster please!". Levi's scowl darkened "I swear to god Erwin if anyone sees that image I will end you". "It's fine Levi don't worry, I just needed a picture of us for my office, not that many people will see it" Erwin and Levi bickered on about the poster for some time, Erwin eventually winning.

You couldn't help but smile at the sight of Levi, his impressively angry stare was now cute with a slight pink hue in embarrassment. "Yeah and what are you staring at?" He pointed his gaze to you. "Oh just a wimp I know" you teased, batting your eyelashes innocently whilst grinning like the devil. He came up close to you, noses almost touching "keep running your mouth and I'll make you pay for it, brat" he hissed through his teeth. You didn't back down, you had grown not to be intimidated by Levi for the most part. "Oh yeah Captain wuss? And how are you going to do that?"

His eyes narrowed even further which you didn't think was possible. "Come to my room tonight at 11 and you'll find out, oh and bring those handcuffs Hange got you for secret Santa. I might have a use for them". It was your turn to blush profusely, "U-uh sure thing captain" you stuttered. Levi flashed you mischievous smile and sauntered off to the other two.

"Ooooh what ride should we go on next?" Hange shouted enthusiastically. You shook your head to regain your composure and joined the rest of your group. Mind wandering to later that evening more than once throughout the day.

[stories-tales-myths]

Fairytale: König Drosselbart / King Thrushbeard

A German fairytale that I grew up with. It's supposed to teach a lesson, but it's actually really fucked up.

.characters: Princess [vain], King [her father], suitors [various], King Thrushbeard, Beggar

---

1. Enter beautiful young Princess. [Let's face it, she is a teenager. There are different versions with her age 14-18] King wants to marry her off.

2. King invites suitors [really just an assortment of inbred creepy old guys with titles and money] and because he is soo kind and progressive and loves his daughter soo much, he wants to let her choose who to marry

3. Suitors line up, Princess judges. [It's supposed to feel like that scene from "The Emporers new groove", but Princess actually has some good points] 'You are like four times my age' 'You smell as if you have never taken a bath in your life and I'm supposed to touch you?' 'I think you killed your last wife because she only had daughters. Did I hear that rumor right?' 'You look like a pig.' 'You're drunk.' 'Your parents were siblings and you only want to marry me because you don't have any sisters.' 'You live several weeks away and I don't want to leave my family and home like this:' [Add to your heart's content. Some good points, some shallow points. Seriously. The tale always gets told with shallow and reasonable criticisms, but the audience is always supposed to feel as if all points are shallow. I told you it's creepy. I have never heard a version without at least the age-thing and some reference to alcohol. But SURE, Princess just needs to suck it up. ] and finally: 'You have a funny beard. You look like a thrush. I shall call you King Thrushbeard.'

[This is a thrush. What a cute little birdie.]:

4. Somehow, this pisses the King of. [Maybe he used to sport this style in his youth]

The King throws a tantrum:

'You, my beloved daughter, are an ungrateful brat. You refuse to marry any of these wonderful suitors, these noble noblemen that would actually be perfect for you. And now you make fun of this handsome fella.

Obviously, I [mis]understand you perfectly: You don't want to marry a nobleman, so I guess you don't want to be a princess anymore. And you embarrass me in front of my old friends and drinking buddies, so I guess you don't want to be my daughter either.

You shall get your wish: The next beggar I see shall be your husband. You won't ever see this castle or me ever again.

Now go to your room, I will have a drink or two with these WONDERFUL men.'

5. Princess does not believe her father. Nevertheless, the next morning comes. There is a beggar. The beggar asks for a few coins. Instead, he gets a 14-year-old [or whatever age you picked] child bride [Child, yes. Even if she's 18, he's like twice her age at least] They have a very small wedding and then leave the castle. Princess cries the entire time. [reminder. The story usually gets told with the emphasis that Princess deserves this and is just being an ungrateful brat right now]

6. Beggar and Princess on their journey. Because she is now severely dehydrated, she stops crying. And she fucking scared. [Because her father just GIFTED her to a strange man without her consent and even went so far as to tell her, that whatever happens, she CANNOT come back and ask for his help. And she has no idea where the strange man lives or what he will do to her.

To clarify: The 'noble' suitors would have been pretty bad too. But she would still be a princess and have at least some protection. There would be a court and she would never be completely isolated. There would never be even a risk of her being forced into prostitution or sacrificed to some heathen god or many being eaten alive.

Most of that does not happen, but she can't know that for sure. Just imagine how you would feel in her situation. ]

To distract herself she starts to make light conversation:

"Who does that pretty meadow belong to?"

> "Oh that. It belongs to King Thrushbeard."

"Who does this lush forest belong to?"

> "Oh that. It belongs to King Thrushbeard."

...

[She always asks about something rich or pretty and it always belongs to King Thrushbeard. It's a day-long journey, so just do as many repetitions as you'd like. ]

7. They arrive at a really small, sad little hut.

Princess: "Who does that shabby hut belong to?"

Beggar: "That belongs to me. And because you are my wife now, it's your home as well. I expect you to cook and clean for me and tend to the garden, and I expect you to do well because I don't have time for a lazy wife.

[EWW]

[8. She probably gets raped. This part is never explicit because today's versions of any fairytale for children are rather tame. And the older versions don't NEED to say anything, because they originate in a time when OF COURSE you just casually raped your wife, especially on your wedding night.]

9. Princess has to deal with chores and fails, because of course she does. And Beggar is pissed and yells at her a lot. [He might also hit her.] But at least he is only at home at night, although she has no idea where he goes every day.

Options include

-basket weaving (She has bloody hands after this)

-pottery

-cooking (she doesn't actually fail at this, the soup is just a little bland. Beggar yells at her anyway.)

-cleaning

-laundry (almost drowns in a river)

-selling things at the market (she fails by being run over by a horse in this one.)

10. Beggar is fed up with his permanently 'mopey' [traumatized] and useless 'wife' [underaged slave]. So he sends her away to work at the castle as a kitchen girl.

Nobody recognizes her. [There are several possible reasons as to Why That Is. One worse than the next:

a) King may have ordered everybody to pretend to not know her. Just to make her feel miserable.

b) Princess is now malnourished and possibly sleep-deprived. Possibly her trauma manifests in severe nightmares. She isn't clean, her hair is different, she may have lost weight. Possibly her demeanor has changed too. Gone is the confident and playful girl. This girl speaks quietly, walks quietly and hunched over, and flinches at sudden movements.

c) Princess might be older now. We have no idea how long she lived in the hut with Beggar. A week? A year? Five Years? Who knows?]

11. She is actually relatively happy. She makes friends, learns skills from the other servants (who are actually patient and don't just yell at her). Maybe she gets to say hello to her horse again.

And Princess gets to steal small pieces of the exquisite food her father eats. [don't worry everybody does it] She picks these pieces up and puts them in a small pot under her skirt to eat them later. [Don't ask me about the logistics here. This is one of the big mysteries of my childhood. Why a pot? That must be uncomfortable. How inconspicuous can it be to do this? What if the King eats soup? ]

12. One day, there's a big banquette. King Thrushbeard is there, spots Princess, and says something like 'What a pretty girl. I don't care that she's working right now. My dick says I wanna dance with her, so I'm gonna.'

[In other versions he only notices her because the weird pot shatters and THEN decides to dance with her.]

13. Up-close, Princess realizes something:

King Thrushbeard IS the Beggar

14. King Thrushbeard officially introduces his wife to the world, Princess reconciles with her father. There is a second wedding, big this time.

[In some versions the King knew all along, in other versions he doesn't and just finds this hilarious.

In all versions this counts as a happy ending btw.]

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Now the lesson here is that girls should always be kind and just do what their dads say. I guess. It's a terrible lesson.