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bts-ficrecs · 4 years ago

Note

hey!! can you recommend a few series (any member)? thank you very much!

“a few” hAHAHAHA you’re really funny.

Bro, why’d u have you make ur request sooo broad 😂 i tried to reign in the crazy and failed. I decided I’m going to give you a list of series that are sitting impatiently on my to read list! Making this list makes me want to devour them all right now lol.

Feel free to go through my archive to find series that I have read, cause there are plenty of those too :”) So without further ado…

Note: please be aware several of the ongoing series are either on hiatus or discontinued or just haven’t been updated in 17392 years lol. I know some people can’t deal with that so do make sure to check if the writers are still active and/or when the last update was! And don’t pressure the writers about updates kthxbai ❤

ONGOING

Aristocrat by @itskimtaehyung

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 3/4

Summary: In which Namjoon pays you for your *ahem* services.

A Valediction: Forbidden Mourning by @therealredraven

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 4/? (discontinued)

Summary: Love comes in many shapes, but does not always have a prosperous fate. However, whereas parents might have found it, all the children can do is live in kalopsia. Forbidden yet denying the mourning of the path chosen for them by Fate.

Blood Princess by @mintchockookie

Genre: angst

Parts: 9/?

Summary: Choi Y/N is one of the most dangerous and feared members of Papa Choi gang. But she doesn’t want to be. Kim Nam Joon is the leader of the biggest gang in all South Korea and craves revenge for having his godfather being killed by Papa Choi. When their paths cross, nothing can hold them.

Untold Stories by @interludemoonchild

Genre: fluff

Parts: 8/?

Summary: A series of drabbles based on Namjoon owning a bookshop in a small town.

What Am I To You? by @honeyedhoseok

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 2/?

Summary: To Namjoon, she could make the salt taste like sugar on her hands. But in the end, she isn’t as sweet as he believed her to be.

COMPLETE

Best Friend!Namjoon by @lamourche

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 3/3

Summary: “I locked the keys in the car.”

Passionfruit by @joonbird

Genre: smut

Parts: 4/4

Summary: To you, matters of the heart have always been simple. You’ve always lived by three rules: you don’t do emotions, you don’t do attachment, and you don’t do love. That is, until you meet the enigma that is Kim Namjoon- a man who shakes your entire world upside down.

Piercings by @personawife

Genre: smut

Parts: 2/2 + 1 (feat. Yoongi)

Summary: “What’s that sticking through your shirt?”

Rumor Has It by @jjungkookislife

Genre: smut

Parts: 2/2 + drabble

Summary: After hearing a rumor about your best friend, it's all you can think about.

Tear by @polaritae

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 3/3

Summary: Getting the attention of your crush seems impossible. Good thing your best friend is always willing to help out!

ONGOING

Dame-De-La-Nuit by @cyphahobi

Genre: fluff, smut

Parts: 2/?

Summary: First night on the job turns into a week long adventure of business and pleasure. Landing business man, Kim Seokjin as your first client, turns your whole world upside down.

Evanescent by @jinletgo

Genre:angst, smut

Parts: 1/?

Summary: You’re a journalist-aspiring secretary to Kim Namjoon, the CEO of Telescope, a leading lifestyle and culture magazine. One night with a handsome and charismatic stranger ignites a passion and excitement that you didn’t know you had. When that stranger turns out to be Kim Seokjin, the print journalist of a rival magazine, the simple life you take for granted and dream career you’d been working towards are left in jeopardy…

King of Hearts by @thecozywhaleshark

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 9/10

Summary: You are a famous writer who can’t exactly show up to an event alone… so you hire an escort… his name is Jin.

The City Comes Alive by @minflix

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 1/2

Summary: Being a street performer, Kim Seokjin sees many nameless and forgettable faces each and everyday. But there is this one girl that he can’t seem to forget. Maybe it’s because his heart seems to fall in love with her a little more each time she passes him by.

COMPLETE

Aperitivo by @bangtanbetchfics

Genre: smut, feat Jungkook

Parts: 2/2

Summary: On the heels of a breakup, you fall hopelessly in lust with two pastry chefs on your vacation in Venice.

Burden by @neonlights92

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 8/8

Summary: After the death of his wife during childbirth Kim Seokjin is unable to hold his baby daughter without grief taking control. Just three weeks after the love of his life is taken from him so suddenly, Jin is expected to marry somebody new. You are foolish and have spent your whole life pining after Kim Seokjin from afar, even after he marries your best friend, Seul. But suddenly Seul is gone and you are expected to marry Jin and raise his child. You know your heart is already in it, but what about his?

Alt. Summary: A marriage to Kim Seokjin was all you ever wanted. But not at the cost of your best friend’s life.

Don’t Wanna Fall by @9uk

Genre: fluff, smut

Parts: 4/4

Summary: After your boyfriend breaks up with you, you are in need of company. Strangely enough, you get more company than you had initially wanted.

Alt. summary: His world revolves around wealth, power and most importantly—women. He’d spoil every one of them by his side or on his bed, with limited edition bags and expensive heels. So why is the CEO of kim corporations currently buying you a pet bunny?

In The Bleak Midwinter by @pcyheartgirlx

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 25/25 + 2 different endings

Summary: We’re all whores, we just sell different parts of ourselves.

Peach Parfait by @jamaisjoons

Genre: fluff, smut

Parts: 2/2

Summary: You and Seokjin have always been at odds as the top two chefs at Big Hit Academy of Culinary Arts.

The Devil Wears Armani by @floralseokjin

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 5/5 + drabbles

Summary: You never imagined accidentally attempting to sell your soul to the devil would lead to this…

ONGOING

Addicted by @yoongiandchiminie

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 4/?

Summary: Suga, the Stealth and Weapons guy of Bangtan meets his Soulmate with a bang. He’d grown up believing in the idea of finding the person he was destined to be with and won’t let her get away. Even if she’s addicted, he’s determined to help her. He just wants to save his Blue girl.

Choices by @btsiguess

Genre: fluff, smut

Parts: 4/?

Summary: You didn’t think that when you woke up this morning you were going to go out and buy a hybrid. But really, ending up with this stupid cat might be the best thing that ever happened to you. Much to both you and Yoongi’s chagrin.

Grey Area by @blushoseoks

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 13/?

Summary: And just like that, your fate was sealed - because min yoongi was absolutely going to destroy you. But hell if you weren’t going to let him, or bask happily in the flames as he did so.

Reputation by @mindayss

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 1/?

Summary: Min Yoongi’s got quite a reputation. As do you.

COMPLETE

Di piano e forte by @justoneday-namjoonii

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 6/6

Summary: Piano; A keyboard of cypress, played with soft and loud. Was it the ivory and onyx keys that let you escape from your reality…Or was it the man with sable hair and ivory skin.

Errantes by @cno-inbminor

Genre: fluff

Parts: 2/2 + Epilogue

Summary: Yoongi accidentally gets spiked pumpkin juice, but it’s not by alcohol. More like it was spiked by a Love Potion – Beguiling Bubbles, to be exact – and Sora may or may not have had a hand in this. The point is, she’s hoping Yoongi will never find out and she’ll be alive to take her N.E.W.T.’s.

Fragility by @writtenyoongi

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 3/3

Summary: “There are a lot of fucked up things about me, you know? And there’s a lot of fucked up things that have happened. But when I’m with you all of those things, yeah they still exist but it’s like they’re a lot further away, I don’t feel as if they’re eating me alive.”

Long Time Coming by @an-exotic-writer

Genre: fluff, angst (?)

Parts: 6/6 + drabble

Summary: In which it’s been a long time coming since you’re meeting Min Yoongi once more.

Private Lessons by @baeseoul

Genre: smut

Parts: 2/2

Summary: “I have an idea,” Once he saw how you straightened in your seat, your gaze flaring with aggravation, he continued quickly, “For every question I get right, you tell me something about yourself.”

Skin Deep by @aquaminwrites

Genre: fluff, smut

Parts: 10/10

Summary: Yoongi has never—and presumably will never—like tattoos.

ONGOING

Bygones Of The Sun by @scriptaed

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 3/?

Summary: Jung Hoseok was once the sweetheart of the school, the dance captain whom every girl, including you, can’t help but fall head over heels for. But like the force of the ever-glowing sun, everything that rises must also set. A year of inactivity later and he’s now the school’s resident bad boy. You’re a firm believer of allowing the past be the past, and yet you can’t help but wonder where the rises sun has gone into hiding- because perhaps its shadows have out-shines its own radiance.

Euphuistic by @guksthighs

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 2/?

Summary: Hoseok’s delivery of flowers does not go as planned when it starts raining and someone mysertious gives him an umbrella.

Plant A Kiss On These Tulips by @honeyedhoseok

Genre: fluff

Parts: 2/?

Summary: After your boss, Jisu–head wedding planner at Ornate Events–develops a ragweed allergy, you are put in charge of working with the florist company In Bloom. But instead of their top-notch flower arrangements, their incredibly radiant owner Jung Hoseok proves to be what catches your eye over the course of the months that follow.

Salted Caramel by @your-miss-right

Genre: fluff

Parts: 9/?

Summary: She liked him…a lot and she just wanted to get the point across. Too bad the wrong guy got it. Note to self: Check orders before writing little notes to the wrong customer!

Starfire by @readyplayerhobi

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 6/?

Summary: The schism that broke the galaxy began, as it usually does, over a disagreement. The resultant civil war has raged for hundreds of years. When a ragtag group of travellers discovers something that could turn the tide of war, for good or for worse, the bonds of friendship and love will be tested.

Note: ok but basically just read all of Tali’s Hoseok series sdjfakjaf

Wall to Wall by @winetae

Genre: smut

Parts: 1/4

Summary: Temporary popularity is the biggest threat to your career right now. Without a solid core fan base you’re doomed to be forgotten. If not now, then in a month or two, and if not then, surely by the end of the year. That’s how quickly the adult film industry cycles through their actors, especially when you’re a woman. Your agent comes forward with a proposition to help put you back on the map.

COMPLETE

By Its Cover by @crystaljins

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 8/8

Summary: Your annoying little brother Jimin accepts a dare and summons a demon into your living room. There are multiple problems with this. 1) Demons are the most hated species on earth. 2) That demon happens to be Jung Hoseok, the most popular guy on campus 3) The fact that Jung Hoseok is a demon is his biggest secret and 4) Jung Hoseok hates your guts. You’re in for a wild ride.

Life in the Fast Lane by @sugaxjpg

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 1/3

Summary: Hoseok was not someone who expected to find love, even less under the conditions he met you—bleeding to death in an alley, unable to go to an hospital without being recognized by the ones who did such thing to him. Though, he would soon learn that the best things in life are the unplanned, kind ones. Especially the kind ones.

The Black Book by @honeyedhoseok

Genre: smut

Parts: 9/-- (discontinued)

Summary: Being personal assistant involves doing a lot of different tasks for your boss Jung Hoseok–including setting up his rendezvous with his black book clientele.

The Gentlemen’s Club by @brookelegend

Genre: smut

Parts: 15/15 + Epilogue + author’s note + drabbles

Summary: You’ve been in a dating drought, more specifically, a sex drought. Your best friend has the perfect remedy for your problem: The Gentlemen’s Club.

ONGOING

Contraband by @leadermon

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 11/?

Summary: If you had known what you had known now, would you have gone? If you knew who you would meet, the boy with the bright orange hair, and how getting wrapped up in him would tear all your brother had built to the ground, would you have gone?

Crossroads by @honeyedhoseok

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 4/?

Summary: You summon Park Jimin, the crossroads demon who rather than taking your soul and granting you wish, wants to become an extremely annoying life companion.

induratize by @hobiwonder

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 5/?

Summary: Prince Jimin had grown up despising people from your empire and vice versa. When your father weds you to the crowned Prince of Haelyra, your kingdom’s sworn enemies, as a form of alliance to fight a greater evil, you struggle to make sense of your new life as the future Queen to be and deal with a husband who cannot stand you.

Jealousy Games by @avveh

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 3/?

Summary: You decide to play a game of push and pull with your ex Jungkook, bringing Jimin along for the ride.

COMPLETE

Handyman by @drquinzelharleen

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 5/5

Summary: Jimin is your landlord’s son. After one stressful day he comes to fix your shower for you. You find yourself constantly thinking about him. Could he be the perfect submissive?

I’ll Never Be Her by @anon-luv

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 5/5 + Epilogue + drabbles

Summary: You loved him with all your heart, but he could only give you half of his. Jimin was the love of your life, your night in shining armor when she wasn’t around. She was his ex girlfriend, his first love, actually she was his many firsts and she kept coming back. He had warned you she was his weakness, but you didn’t listen, because to you having him even if it was only partially was better than not having him at all. At least for now.

Neighbors by @jkeuphoriadreamland

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 7/7 + Epilogue

Summary: Finally achieving your successes in life you never expected the distraction that came with your new hot neighbor. He however, had been trying to get your attention for a much different reason.

Nine One One by @yminie

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 2/2

Summary: When murder and crime threaten the city of Seoul, there’s a team in place to help keep the public safe, but just what do you do when all your training is to help others, and the one that needs help is actually you?

Limerence by @jiminscenarios

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 14/14 + Epilogue

Summary: He was a coldhearted asshole and the leader of South Korea’s most wanted gang, whereas she was an innocent and kind college student. They were polar opposites, yet he was so infatuated with her. But opposites are supposed to attract after all, aren’t they?

Love Yourself Trilogy by @threeletterslife

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 3/3

Summary: Excelling in every school subject, acing every math test and conquering the academic world is something you do as easily as breathing. As your residential social outcast nerd, you live rather as a recluse, talking to almost no one except for your dear ol’ cousin and that sweet boy in a few of your classes—Jungkook? was that his name? Befriending your ʰᵒᵗ AP stats teacher was the last thing on your high school senior agenda… but when life throws you curveballs, it is what it fucking is.

ONGOING

Begin Again by @writtenyoongi

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 4/?

Summary: Things had been tough since your divorce from yoongi, you were still heartbroken over losing him whilst trying to balance being a single mother and providing the best you could for your daughter. When Kim Taehyung enters your life you start to learn how to love again, but the beautiful man is not without his own source of heartbreak.

The Client by @jungkookiebus

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 2/?

Summary: Your services applied to many types of people and you were good at what you did, delivering sexual fantasies. This particular client happens to be your personal favorite for more reasons than one.

Van Gogh by @btsjeonjazz

Genre: smut

Parts: 1/?

Summary: Who would have guessed that Kim Taehyung, honorable student and your tutor, had some dark secrets?

V2 by @honeyedhoseok

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 9/12

Summary: This series is reader-insert revolving around Taehyung and his long-term surreptitious relationship with Y/N.

When You Least Expect It by @johobi

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 12/15 + drabble

Summary: You’re in love with your childhood friend, Taehyung. The problem is, you treasure your friendship with him far too much to ever risk losing it. Oh, and he’s quite the Casanova. At your wits’ end with feelings you can no longer hide as diligently as you once did, you ask him to set you up with someone, anyone, in a last ditch attempt to avoid a heartbreaking conversation.

COMPLETE

Change by @junghelioseok

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 9/9 + Epilogue

Summary: A kind, handsome stranger makes you question your deteriorating relationship.

One Good Purr (Deserves Another) by @jinpire

Genre: fluff, smut

Parts: 4/4

Summary: Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to visit Taehyung just before your heat. (Or to ask if his best friend was available.)

Summer Love by @analovegirl

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 3/3

Summary: It was Summer when he lost his whole world, his family and his identity. And it’s summer again when he comes across the girl he swore was his enemy. Join Taehyung, as he tries to find his true identity– as a human and as a merman, along with the mystery of his parent’s demise.

The Chrysanthemum Effect by @rosaetae

Genre: angst

Parts: 10/10 + Epilogue

Summary: Keeping your flowers, keeping your pain— it’s already everything you need to move on. How do you move on from things if you’re not willing to accept them?

Yarn by @dreamhimcloser

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 2/2

Summary: The mere idea that someone will kiss you while you slept made you shiver with disgust, but your educators promised you time and time again that this is exactly how you reach true love.

ONGOING

Block Party by @minlucent

Genre: smut

Parts: 2/?

Summary: Moving into your new apartment brings back memories of your biggest mistake.

Employee Perks by @chiminiemoans

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 3/?

Summary: Sure, the employee perks at your job were bonuses, life insurance, sick leave, health benefits etc. etc., but the best employee perk of all was working with a man known as Jeon Jungkook.

In Debt by @ichirakukpop

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 2/?

Summary: All your life you’ve been taken care of by your rich father and his money, but when a someone named Jungkook barges into your home demanding for his money back, your life is turned upside down.

Serendipity by @rohobi

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 10/13

Summary: The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. After forgetting to click out of his pornhub incognito tab last night, you find yourself shoulder-to-shoulder with Jungkook at 3am watching the rest of it.

COMPLETE

Anima Meaology by @arckook

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 4/4 + Epilogue

Summary: Your best friend was never supposed to know that his name was on your wrist.

Falling Skies by @fortunexkookie

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 6/6 + drabbles + spinoff oneshot

Summary: Jeon Jiyeon was your childhood best friend; her brother, Jungkook, was something else entirely.

Goldilocks by @perpetually-jungshook

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 10/10 + drabble

Summary: After getting evicted, your two best friends Jimin and Taehyung offer you a place to stay until you get back on your feet. Needless to say, with a part time job and a mountain of student debt, that’s not happening any time soon. Eventually, they DO become really fond of having you around, helping with chores and even splitting rent. So when you come home one day to find someone has been sleeping in your couch-bed, well… it’s something you won’t take lightly.

Oath by @bangtan-yeonghon

Genre: angst

Parts: 33/33

Summary: What if one day everything you ever wanted is taken away and your whole world comes crushing down? If you were to forget today, who would you be tomorrow?

Watch Me Babygirl by @lunarimagines

Genre: fluff, smut

Parts: 20/20

Summary: Jungkook is your brother’s annoying best friend. You can’t stand him but he just can’t resist teasing you. How far will he actually go?

Will You? by @jungee

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 2/2

Summary: Jungkook + you = prom dates??

ONGOING

Bangtan Crossing by @mintedmango

Genre: fluff

Parts: 4/?

Summary: You step off the train in the quiet of dusk with a relieved sigh, just looking at the awakening of some stars and the bottoms of trees of this countryside town in awe. It was so different from the city, so dark at night, not lit up by thousands of street lamps and buildings turned on in the wee hours of the evening.

Lifeline by @forgottenpasta

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 6/?

Summary: What happens when a witch curses seven vampires to share one fated mate between them?

Lueur De Lune by faery_kth (AO3)

Genre: fluff

Parts: 5/?

Summary: Your recent move has caused a lot of stress and you decide to take a stroll by the little lake behind your house only to find the moon and her fallen star.

Over the Moon by @threeletterslife

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 6/8

Summary: You feel isolated in the vast American country with no one but your older brother and your six rowdy friends to keep you company. But when they disappear without a trace, you’re left with nothing. Nothing until you become dragged into the world of the mob. The mafia world promises glory, fame and big bucks. But that comes with backstabbing, pain, regret and vengeance behind the veils. You’re not ready for that alone. Are you?

Potions, Magic, And Otherworldly Charmers by agentlemanshat (AO3)

Genre: fluff

Parts: 3/7

Summary: Have you ever imagined Namjoon as a high-end witch? Jungkook as a werewolf or Jimin as a merman? And a magical world full of possibilities? Well, look no further! Because here is where it happens.

Twisted Tails by @kmseokjins

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 4/?

Summary: After the death of your older sister, you're suddenly entrusted with her two hybrids. Who knew that following your sister's wishes would eventually turn your life upside down.

Void by @btssavedmylifeblr

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 6/?

Summary: You are the only female crew member on a 12 year space mission with seven handsome men. The sexual tension is real, y’all.

COMPLETE

A Fairy Tale’s End by @bangtan-dreamland

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 8/8 + Epilogue

Summary: You wanted, for once, to be someone important, someone needed- to be wanted and appreciated, to love and be loved. Well, you should be careful what you wish for.

College by @btslibrary

Genre: smut

Parts: 7/7

Summary: A 7-part BTS smut series.

Hybrid House by @hollyhomburg

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 3/3 + Epilogue

Summary: To Seokjin, Home consists of his human partners Namjoon and Hoseok as well as their Hybrids; the pups- named Taehyung and Jimin, their black cat- called Yoongi, and their foxboy- called Jungkook. Together they have the happiest family possible, everyone loves everyone equally. So what happens when Namjoon finds you? A cat hybrid, beaten close to death left alone in an alleyway on the coldest night of the year? He takes you home, shows you his family, and together they teach you what love can be like.

congratulations you made it to the end....lol. enjoy all these fics and give the authors lots of love, okay? 🧡

#bts fan fic #bts fic recs #namjoon fluff #jungkook fluff #yoongi fluff #taehyung fluff #seokjin fluff #hoseok fluff #jimin fluff #g recs #g replies #anon

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writingdotcoffee · 4 years ago

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#172: The Winter Slump is Here

It's that time of the year again. The colours of autumn have faded away. It's cold and wet. Barely 3 p.m., and it's getting dark outside. I've been working a lot throughout the year, and I'm tired. I find it difficult to get any writing done these days.

It happens every year — my winter slump. Usually, it comes around late January or early Feb. But 2020 has been a hell of a year, and the slump came early.

I took this week off at work and spent it with my family. We didn't go anywhere because of the various levels of lockdown going on everywhere. Staying put turned out to be pretty nice.

Normally, I would be sitting at my desk, beating myself up for failing to keep my writing routine going. What's wrong? Why can't I make it work?

However, this year, I have my Writing Analytics stats, so I looked at those instead. I built the editor and started using it for all my writing in early August. Since then, I wrote and revised some 93,000 words.

Here's the full chart:

Hang on a minute 🤔. 93,000 words in just over four months?! That doesn't sound like a failure at all. That's right. Because it's pretty damn good. Considering how shit a year 2020 was, and how many other things I've got on my plate, I'm surprised that I wrote anything at all.

Here are some more stats if you're curious:

I wrote just about 1,400 words per hour when drafting and about 850 words when doing revisions. On average, I wrote 520 words, revised 180 words and spent 51 minutes writing every day. It took me 114 hours in total to write those 93,000 words.

Out of the 133 days since the last week of July, I wrote on 108 of them and skipped 25.

I'm the most productive on Mondays, Tuesdays and the weekend 🔥. The worst writing days are Fridays.

Writing slumps are deceptive. When you're in one, you tend to forget all the great work that you've done before. Everything seems to be crumbling down, but that just isn't the case at all.

That's why tracking your words is so important. It keeps you accountable day-to-day. And it puts things in perspective when your writing isn't going so well.

I did track my words in the past too, but it was all over various documents, notebooks and planners. If I had a spreadsheet, I kept forgetting to update it. It was a nightmare. In the end, all those numbers are lost and forgotten. I have no idea how many words I wrote two, three or four years ago.

That's one of the reasons why I built Writing Analytics — to give writers easy access to all their past writing metrics over time. The editor tracks all those things automatically — no need to think about it. You will find them when you need them the most.

Writing slumps are temporary. You wrote before, and you will write again.

For me, this year's winter slump is different. Although I'm in a rut, I'm honestly feeling pretty good right now. I know I should be writing, but if I don't get anything else done in 2020, it would have been a decent year regardless.

Want More?

My email subscribers receive a notification when I publish these posts along with a few things I found interesting or helpful on the literary internet every week. Click the link below to join the club.

(I won’t spam you or pass your email to a third party. You can unsubscribe at any time.)

Past Editions

#171: Shun the Nonbelievers, November 2020

#170: Comparisonitis, November 2020

#169: Free Writing Planner and Word Counter, November 2020

#168: Decisions, decisions, decisions, November 2020

#167: Social Media for Writers, November 2020

#writing #writers #write #writing tips #writing advice #amwriting #writing life #writeblr #writing update #update #personal #personal update #me

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chalantness · 4 years ago

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fic: Here, On the Edge of Hell (4/6)

Rating: M Word Count: ~13,400 (part four) Characters: Steve/Natasha Summary: mafia au. She knows her father hadn’t been lying when he said that Uncle Howard wanted her to keep an eye on Steve, but if this was simply about protection, he wouldn’t have put her on the line at all. Especially not with all of the heat Steve Rogers is getting from the other Families, which means that her uncle has another reason for Natasha to be involved.

He just won’t tell her what it is.

Read On: [ ao3 ]

A/N: I'M SORRY THIS TOOK THREE WEEKS TO POST! There are about a dozen reasons why it got delayed but none of them are all that compelling or dramatic, but here it is now and I hope it's at least half-worth the long wait? Also, for those who didn't catch my progress updates, I'm going to keep the chapter count at 6 and these last chapters (this one included) will be longer.

“I know you aren’t nearly as chatty as Tony or Peter, but I’m starting to feel offended by how quiet you’ve been today.”

Natasha turns to find her Aunt Maria watching her, her eyes glinting as she sets a fork back down on the table arranged with plate settings. To her credit, the woman hadn’t acted the least bit surprised when Natasha asked if she needed help planning next month’s Stark Industries gala, even though Natasha had never shown much interest in her aunt’s role as an event planner before. And yes, her aunt could’ve had someone take over for her decades ago, but the woman loves it too much to give it up anytime soon.

Natasha gives a small smile and a shrug that she knows her aunt will take as an apology, and the woman exhales a laugh. “You think I would’ve learned by now that waiting for you Starks to offer up your problems is a lost cause,” Aunt Maria comments dryly.

“You’re a Stark, too, you know,” Natasha points out.

“By marriage, darling. I don’t have the same stubborn gene as the rest of you, no matter how much your uncle and cousin like to claim otherwise.” Natasha’s smile widens as she shakes her head, and her aunt comes to stand in front of her, reaching up to brush a few stray strands of Natasha’s hair behind her ear. “If you were my son, I’d have to ask thirty questions before he ran out of witty remarks and finally confessed,” she adds, “but my much more sensible niece wouldn’t put me through that game, would she?”

“No, she’ll just keep her confessions to herself,” Natasha retorts, though her voice doesn’t sound as nonchalant as she’d intended.

She knows that her aunt notices it as well because her eyes twinkle. “Does this have anything to do with you spending all of your time with Steve Rogers these days?”

Despite herself, Natasha breathes out a laugh. She’s not particularly surprised that her aunt latches onto this of all things, but she’ll admit that it’s a nice change in pace from having to talk about “Sarah Rogers” or theories on who the hell drove a car through the front of the club.

“Does that seem like something your niece would ever be distracted with?” Natasha asks.

Aunt Maria shrugs as she admits, “I didn’t think you could be distracted at all. Even as a toddler, you were so focused. It was a little unsettling for your parents.”

This makes Natasha pause. “They’ve never told me that.”

“Most children don’t know much about their parents in that sense,” her aunt points out as she perches herself on one of the many sample chairs artfully draped in chiffon and ribbons, patting the seat beside hers for Natasha to follow. “We tell you fun stories and we tell you about what you were like growing up, but we don’t necessarily tell you all the little things we had to learn, or how worried we were every hour of the day. Your parents were much better at hiding it than Howard and I, but they were no exception.”

Natasha exhales a chuckle. “Honestly, it’s hard to picture my parents with a child at all, even if that child was me.”

It’s not the first time the thought has crossed her mind, though she’ll admit she doesn’t really know where the sentiment comes from. She’s never once felt as if her parents regret having her, or would choose any differently if they could. She knows they love her and she’s never once doubted that. Seeing her mother in that photo with Joseph Rogers had been shocking, but it also felt a little bit like something had finally clicked into place. At least now she understood why something always felt off about their story.

It wasn’t something that was brought up much to begin with, but considering the circumstance as to why, Natasha hadn’t felt it was suspicious. The only reason her father and Uncle Howard had gone to Europe to begin with had been because her aunt and uncle were having problems with their marriage, though they’d never shared what the fighting had been about, nor had they really shared why the brothers had stayed on another continent for an entire year before Uncle Howard came back to sort things out with Aunt Maria. All Natasha knows is that her parents had met early into this trip and had Natasha overseas, and they’d gotten married only days after her father brought her mother back to the States with him. Natasha and Tony had always found the whole story odd, but they didn’t have any real reason not to believe what their parents told them, either.

“It was certainly a surprise when your father came home with you and your mother,” Aunt Maria says, and Natasha turns just in time to catch something flicker in her aunt’s eyes—amusement, maybe, though it’d been far too quick to tell. “He’s never been impulsive.”

“Neither has Mom,” Natasha points out. “And yet, she met Dad, had me, and moved to an entirely different country within the same year.”

“Your uncle likes to take credit for having that one influence over your father in that sense.” Her aunt smooths a hand over Natasha’s hair, her smile softening. “I know it seems like that year is something we want to forget, but without your uncle and your father taking that trip, we wouldn’t have you. I wouldn’t want things to be any different.”

Natasha gives her a small grin. “That’s because you and Uncle Howard like to pretend that I’m your daughter,” she teases, tilting her head as she adds, “though Uncle Howard definitely fusses over me as if that were true. Maybe even more so than my actual father.”

There’s a pause before Aunt Maria asks, “Does that bother you?”

Natasha shakes her head. “He’s been that way my entire life, Aunt Maria. If it bothered me, I would’ve said something by now.”

“But something is bothering you?” her aunt asks, and Natasha almost smiles at the tone of her voice. It’s one that she’s heard Aunt Maria use with Tony all his life; one that says she already knows the answer is yes and is expecting an explanation instead.

Natasha hesitates. She knows that Aunt Maria is willing to keep a secret for her if she asks, but her aunt would draw the line at staying quiet about Natasha potentially having a stalker, especially after what happened at the club. Honestly, Natasha is very well aware the two could be related, and then there’s also the possibility that “Sarah Rogers” may be tied to everything as well, but she’d rather have more to go off of before worrying the family. As soon as they know, they’ll be even less willing to let her out of their sight, and she’ll need as much time without one of them hovering over her shoulder as she can manage to find so she and Steve can look into her their parents’ connection.

And no, she doesn’t even consider asking about that, either. She’s almost certain that her aunt and uncle have already known about it, and if they’ve all been intent on keeping quiet about it, Natasha knows that her aunt will tell her parents as soon as she suspects Natasha may have found something out.

Still, there’s one thing her aunt may be willing to keep a secret; and if not, Natasha won’t mind if her uncle hears about it.

“I still find it a little odd that Uncle Howard would ask me to look after Steve,” Natasha admits with a slight shake of her head, because yes, that is still something that crosses her mind despite everything else she has going on. Or maybe even because of all of it. “I know that he and Joseph are close and that’s a big part of why he asked me to reach out, but he’s always been a little overprotective of me, too. I guess I still find it strange that he’d want me around Steve when he knew there would be a lot of heat on him.”

Aunt Maria gives her a little grin that almost looks amused. “If anything, I think you might have been safest with Steve. His two friends are cops, aren’t they?”

“Yes, but Uncle Howard has never trusted cops,” Natasha points out.

“And yet he’s relieved that Steve’s friends have been there for Wanda ever since that drive-by,” her aunt says, and Natasha feels herself pause, surprised. “Joseph Rogers is someone very few would dare to threaten and he’s still missing,” Aunt Maria reminds gently. “Things are changing, darling. Your uncle just wants to keep you safe.”

Natasha holds her aunt’s stare, feeling her chest tighten ever so slightly. “Because I’m in danger?”

Aunt Maria hums, giving Natasha’s shoulder a squeeze. “Because he loves you,” she answers simply as she stands, turning away. And Natasha knows that, at least for now, that’s all her aunt is willing to share.

... ...

Steve is more than used to watching his sister flit around his kitchen, but seeing his best friend standing beside her, barely fighting off a smile as Wanda walks him through a recipe for vinaigrette dressing, is certainly a sight Steve couldn’t have anticipated a week ago. Before seeing it for himself, though, Steve knew that the two of them would’ve gotten close. He knows his sister, and he knows there’s no way Wanda would’ve let Bucky and Sam watch over her without wanting to form a genuine friendship with them.

Although, it’s starting to become clear that Bucky and Wanda are far more comfortable with each other than Steve first thought.

“You keep making faces like that and those lines will stay that way,” a voice teases, pulling a grin from his lips as he turns to look at Natasha perched on the barstool beside his. Her eyes are twinkling, her cheeks flushed from the almost empty glass of prosecco in her hand and her hair a little wild from being let out of the braid she’d had it in.

Beautiful.

It was the first thought to cross his mind the moment he saw her, and it’s the same thought that’s lingered in his head ever since. Sometimes it still catches him off guard, just how stunning Natasha is. Yes, part of it is because she’s almost always put together, but even then, that doesn’t mean much. She was still every bit as beautiful when he saw her first thing in the morning after she’d spent the night, sweetly rumpled and a little disheveled in Wanda’s pajamas; just as she was every bit as beautiful when he bumped into her and Maria on their morning run, her hair wild and windblown and her skin flushed from the exertion. He knows Natasha puts on appearances in the same way they all need to most of the time, and Natasha can definitely be a lot harder to read when she wants to. Still, Steve knows that most of her beauty is because she’s effortlessly herself.

She laughs at her own jokes, and runs around with the kids during parties, and doesn’t give a damn about polishing off two cocktails before they’ve even ordered dinner.

He doesn’t think he’s seen every part of her just yet, but he’s pretty sure he’s seen most, just as he’s pretty sure he’s seen a hell of a lot more than she’s ever show someone who wasn’t her family.

He knows that when she lets him see every last part of her, he’ll be a goner. He’s more than halfway there, anyway.

“I’m not making faces,” he retorts, feeling his grin widen ever so slightly.

She arches an eyebrow, pressing her lips together and not quite trying to fight off a grin of her own. “Really?” Her voice is soft as she tips her wine glass to point at Bucky and Wanda, the two of them too distracted by each other to notice him and Nat. “So that doesn’t make you uncomfortable? Your best friend and your little sister?”

“If anyone would be good enough for my little sister, it would be my best friend,” he retorts.

“He watches her very carefully.” Her green eyes are bright and glinting playfully, almost giddily. Fucking beautiful. Even in his own thoughts, he’s breathless. “I’m sure they spend a lot of quality time together.”

“Nat,” he says, though it’s nowhere near a warning.

“Everyone falls for their bodyguard.”

“Nat.” He laughs as he shakes his head, something warm humming in his veins.

Natasha sits up straighter, taking a nonchalant sip of her wine, but the amusement just under her playfully composed expression gives her away. “Still not uncomfortable?”

He lets his eyes fall to her lips, and unlike every other time when he’d stolen a glance, he lets his gaze lingers. They part ever so slightly, and he can practically hear the soft, quick way she inhales. He knows she’s holding her breath, just like him, even though nothing about her body so much as shifts an inch to give it away. “Not exactly the word I’d use,” he murmurs, his voice coming out rough, even to his own ears, and he lets his gaze slide back up to her eyes. He can practically count every one of her eyelashes.

And then the doorbell rings.

For a fleeting moment, he Steve a genuine look of annoyance tug at Natasha’s expression, and his grin turns wry as he slides off of the stool. “Got it,” he announces to Bucky and Wanda, his gaze lingering on Natasha as she takes a gulp of her wine. He nearly chuckles as he shakes his head, walking out of the kitchen.

He’d known that Wanda and Bucky invited Sam to dinner, so Steve isn’t surprised to see him.

He’s a little more surprised to see Maria, though.

“Fine,” Maria says, her voice sounding almost resigned even as genuine amusement flickers in her expression as Sam turns to smirk at her. “We should’ve recorded his face.”

Despite his confusion, Steve chuckles. “Good to see you, too, Hill.” Maria only hums in response, but her grin widens, her eyes bright and almost playful as she glances back at Sam—and, really, Steve shouldn’t expect any less at this point. He gestures between the two of them as he asks, “Did you need a bodyguard, too?”

“He asked, but he couldn’t afford me,” Maria quips dryly, stepping inside, and she gives Steve’s forearm a quick squeeze in greeting as she passes him.

Sam steps in, too, his gaze lingering on Maria as Steve shuts the front door before turning to him, his mouth hitched at one corner. “We bumped into each other when I was leaving a witness’s place,” he explains, and though Steve knows that the spark in his best friend’s eyes is certainly nothing new whenever he talks about Maria Hill—admiration only thinly-veiled with annoyance—the amused smirk on his lips is definitely a first. Steve has always known there more to the way Maria had gotten under Sam’s skin over the years, that it wasn’t just a detective annoyed by the thorough efforts of a private investigator and her uncanny knack for constantly crossing his path both on and off duty.

He never really anticipated that Sam would ever act on it, though. Every cop in the city knows who the Families are, and Sam would’ve never risked a job he loved so much for a woman that came from the world the police is trying to shut down.

But that world is now Steve’s world, too, and that made a difference to Sam. That gave him a reason to look closer, or maybe it gave him a reason to finally make a move.

Steve knows the feeling.

His grin widens as he comes up next to Sam, patting his shoulder, and, because his best friend can read the amusement in Steve’s expression, Sam shakes his head. “It’s just dinner,” he says. Steve’s grin shifts into a smirk and Sam breathes out a chuckle. “Oh, it’s like that now?”

“It’s like that now,” Steve replies with a chuckle of his own, letting his hand drop as they both head into the kitchen.

Maria is sitting in the barstool beside Nat that he’d just occupied, a glass of wine already in hand, and Natasha glances over her shoulder as he and Sam join them at the kitchen island. He doesn’t know quite what compels him to come up right behind her, but he does, letting his hands find the curve of her hips, and she lets him pull her back just a little so that she’s resting against his chest. She’d refilled her own wine, too, and she takes a sip from it, glancing up at him as her tongue sweeps over her lower lip.

“Uncomfortable?” she mouths, and he gives her a gentle squeeze that makes her laugh softly against the rim of her glass.

“Where’s your other half?” Sam asks Wanda, and Steve catches the way his sister hesitates for less than a second, almost glances over her shoulder at Bucky.

“Working,” Wanda replies, angling a teasingly sly sort of smile at Sam, and there’s not an ounce of apprehension or wariness from Sam as he nods. Her eyes sparkle as she uses the wooden spoon that she’d been mixing the salad with to gesture between him and Maria, asking, “When did this become a thing?”

Steve half-expects Maria to reply with a denial of some sort, but instead, she answers almost nonchalantly, “We’ve been teaming up on a few things.”

“Figured we’d have all our bases covered between the two of us, illegal or otherwise,” Sam adds, his expression turning a little wry at the corners. “We’re looking into who might’ve been following you the day of the drive-by,” he explains, and then, turning to Natasha, he adds, “and who’s been sending those pictures of you.”

Steve pauses, feeling Natasha sit up just a little straighter against his chest. “Pictures?” Steve asks, tilting his head to look at Nat. “What pictures?”

Something too quick to catch passes through Natasha’s expression as she looks up at him and it makes his chest tighten, hard.

Instead of Natasha, though, it’s Wanda who speaks up next, drawing everyone’s attention on her, and that pressure on Steve’s lungs seems to compound as he sees his sister’s entire body stiff with tension. “You got one, too?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper as Bucky cups a hand over the back of her neck, giving a comforting sort of squeeze as his thumb rubs over her pulse. Wanda eases, but only a little, and when Steve glances at Sam and Maria, neither of them looks as surprised as Steve feels.

“When did you get yours?” Maria questions.

Steve is seconds away from asking why the hell he seems to be the only one that doesn’t know what’s going on, but then Wanda is pulling her phone out of her apron pocket and swiping at the screen before setting it faced up on the island and sliding it over. A picture of Natasha is on the screen, sent from a blocked number last night.

It’s taken from a distance and at an angle, and it’s pretty damn obvious that Natasha wasn’t aware of a camera being pointed at her.

That low, warm hum in his veins has turned to a frantic sort of buzz, and he can his every muscle going taut. “What is this?” he asks, so low that he half-wonders if anyone other than Natasha had been able to hear him, and something akin to guilt flickers in Natasha’s eyes.

Fuck. Fuck.

He flexes his fingers at her hips because he’s dangerously close to squeezing too tight. He doesn’t think he’s capable of feeling any more tense than he already is, but then Maria says, “Someone has been watching Nat for the last few days and I’m almost certain it has something to do with the ‘Sarah Rogers’ from the coffeehouse.”

The complete surprise he feels is mirrored in Natasha’s expression as she nearly slams the wine glass down, head snapping around to stare at Maria. It’s clear that the latter had been news to her, too, and she almost starts to ask a question when Steve yanks his hands from her hips. She whirls back around to face him, and the fleeting look of hurt that flashes in her eyes is what stops him from taking a step back from her. She’s upset and it kills him, but at the same time, he’s pissed. He knows Natasha can be a bit secretive, and he knows she’s used to doing things on her own most of the time. He’s not pissed that she might have needed a day or two to process whatever the hell this is.

But Maria said it’d been days, and she’d clearly been in on it, too. Even if Natasha didn’t know Maria hadn’t also involved Sam, she still kept it from Steve.

He’s seen her every day for almost a week and she never told him any of this. Not even a hint.

And if that in itself wasn’t enough of a reason to be pissed, there’s also the fact that Maria is tossing his mother’s name into the same conversation as someone who’s been watching Natasha.

He stares down at her, fingers twitching at his sides. Oddly enough, he hands to touch her again, wants his hands back on her hips and wants her pulled right against his chest. And no, he’s not so pissed at her as he is at the situation at hand. Someone is following her and she didn’t tell him.

She doesn’t need his protection, but she also knows that he’d give it to her without question or hesitation. She already has it, has him, in the palm of her hand.

“I wanted to be certain first,” Natasha tells him, facing him completely, and even though everyone else is only a foot or two away from them, all he sees is Natasha.

“Sounds like this is the first you’re hearing Maria’s theory, so try again,” he counters.

She narrows her eyes ever so slightly. “Don’t be patronizing,” Natasha warns, the first flickers of her own anger simmering in her expression at his tone. “I wasn’t going to throw around your mother’s name over something that could have very well been a coincidence.”

“You don’t believe in coincidences,” he argues, hands sliding over her hips again, rubbing his thumbs into her skin as if attempting to ease the climbing tension in her body even though he’s the damn reason for it, just as she’s the reason for his. He feels as if he’s trembling, he’s so pissed. But she doesn’t flinch away from his touch, not once.

“I was being careful,” Natasha insists. “I noticed the name on a receipt by pure chance, and we only just found something that could be a lead. I was handling it first.”

“Like you’re handling your mother?” Steve fires back, and he watches her inhale sharply. He hates that he’s the reason for it, but he has to know. “Would you have told me about that if you’d found out on your own, just because my dad is missing? You’d still risk being around your mother, knowing she was lying, without telling me anything?”

Her voice trembles ever so slightly. “She’s my mother.”

“Exactly.” His gives her another gentle squeeze. “It would’ve surprised me, and yeah, it probably would’ve upset me. But I’d want to know, no matter what. Even if it was the most illogical, inconceivable fucking theory ever, I would’ve wanted to know. I would’ve trusted you and what you had to say about it, even if you thought you were wrong.”

Natasha swallows lightly, lips parting, but the chime of phone cuts off whatever she’d been about to say, the sound almost jarring in the tense quiet of the kitchen.

Steve almost considers not looking at all, but his eyes flit over to Wanda’s phone on the counter, still close enough to read the text message from Clint—and, when his entire body goes stiff and cold, he’s vaguely aware of Natasha reaching up to touch his cheek as he reads the words over and over and over again in his head.

Ambushed. Pietro got hit. Get here now.

... ...

Ironically enough, Natasha has never spent much time in hospitals. No one in the Family does, or they try their damn hardest not to.

She goes a few times a year for check-ins here or there, just like anyone else would, but anything serious – anything that could lead to too many questions and to the cops possibly being tipped off – are handled discreetly. The Families have their own doctors that they pay a pretty penny to make sure they make themselves available as needed, and the Families provided all the equipment and supplies they’d need, too—so the fact that Pietro was rushed straight to the ER means that it looked serious enough that Clint wasn’t taking any chances or wasting any time. The silver lining is that, because the Families are so infamous in this city, the staff didn’t hesitate to make Pietro their priority.

The hospital also ushered them into a separate corner of the ER to wait, and though it isn’t exactly a private room, it’s as close as they can get. Natasha doubts it would’ve bothered Steve at all if they had to wait with everyone else, and it’s probably for the hospital’s benefit, too, to keep them being here as quiet as possible. Still, Steve manages a small smile to the nurse that offers the space to them and thanks her after she promises to personally check in with them every half hour and give them updates on Pietro.

“He took a shot aimed at me,” Clint had explained when they first got to the ER. “One of our guys was just a second too late with disarming him.”

Clint hasn’t said a word since, other than when he’d stepped aside to take a quick phone call from Laura, but Natasha hadn’t anticipated any differently. The noises of the hospital filter in, but otherwise, the only thing to fill the quiet of the room is Wanda’s occasional whimper or shuddering inhale. She hadn’t even wanted to sit down at first, but at the first sway in her steps, Bucky had pulled her onto his lap and kept a gentle but firm grip on her when she tried to stand back up, and her resolve crumbled in seconds.

Steve, however, has yet to sit down. He’s stayed standing right next to Natasha’s chair in the corner, his body taut, though not in the same way it’d been when they were arguing in his kitchen just hours ago. Then, she could feel the frustration just under skin, threatening to burst.

Now, though, he’s almost entirely still, his body facing the door and his arms crossed over his chest as he leans one shoulder against the wall. She’d only attempted to get him to sit once with a gentle tug on his forearm, but when he’d given her the ghosts of a smile and the barest shake of his head, she knew to let him be. He wants to be alert, and with his gaze always aimed toward the door, he’d been in front of the nurse within seconds of her walking into the room in the handful of times she’s checked with them so far.

He almost does so right now, though this time, it’s Maria that steps into the room. She and Sam had stayed to clean up the kitchen while the rest of them went to the ER, and after that, she’d texted Nat to let her know that the two of them were heading to the scene so Sam could talk to the officers that responded to the shooting. The only other thing that Sam learned was that an Asgard car was seen nearby, driving away as the officers headed there, though it couldn’t be determined just yet if that was a coincidence.

It’s almost ridiculous to consider that idea, but that conversation can wait for now.

Natasha stands as Steve leans off of the wall, his hand curving over her hip and drawing her close, and, despite everything, Natasha almost smiles. Their argument from earlier is far from being resolved and they both know it, yet he doesn’t hesitate to seek her presence, to need her comfort.

“We’ve got every eye in the city squeezing out the shooters, and Sam’s got every cop in Manhattan on the lookout, too,” Maria informs as she comes to stand beside them. She glances at Wanda, her expression softening as she adds, “and the Families are on their way,” and Wanda nods once, turning to press her face into Bucky’s shoulder as she burrows herself against him as close as physically possible. Bucky wraps his arms around her again, tucking her head under his chin as he murmurs something into her hair.

Wanda has always been far softer than the rest of them, but she’s still her father’s daughter. She was still born and raised in the Family, and just because she always has a sweet smile on her lips doesn’t make her any weaker or less dangerous. Honestly, Natasha is pretty damn sure she’s the strongest of them all.

Seeing her this shaken up is more than just unsettling, and the fact that the Families are getting together to be here for Pietro is no small thing, either.

Steve nods once, pulling his phone from his pocket to check the screen. “Seems like they’re already starting to arrive,” he says, showing a text from Nick, and he gives Natasha’s hip a gentle squeeze. “I’ll meet them outside. I should get some air, anyway.”

Natasha peers up at him. “Do you want some company?”

He gives her the softest sort of smile. “Yes,” he admits quietly, but he’s also shaking his head, leaning in to whisper, “but can you stay here?” His eyes flicker to Wanda for a moment, his careful, collected expression cracking at the edges, and Natasha knows what he’s really asking. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Bucky or Clint or even Maria to be there for his sister, but if he has to leave her side, even if only for a few minutes, he’d prefer Natasha stay behind in his place, to know to comfort Wanda the way he would.

“Of course,” she tells him, and she feels his lips curve against her skin, his smile growing just a fraction as he brushes a kiss to her cheek.

Then he steps away, giving Maria’s arm a gentle squeeze as he passes her, and Maria watches him go for a moment before turning back to Natasha. “I didn’t think Sam would mention something right away,” she tells her. It’s not an apology, necessarily, but that’s because she knows Natasha wouldn’t want one from her. She doesn’t blame Maria for her fight with Steve, nor does she blame Steve or herself, really. It’d been unfortunate for him to find out something so serious the way he had, especially since she knew that it would be worse to hide it at all. She hadn’t meant to wait for so long, and Steve he didn’t bring up her mother simply because he was pissed and trying to get back at her.

“I know,” Natasha says simply, her mouth hitching at the corner, and Maria gives her a small smile in return. “I didn’t mean to put you in that position to begin with.”

Maria’s smile widens just a little, and for a moment, Natasha thinks she might have some witty retort, maybe even a teasing line. But, when the moment passes, her expression fades altogether as she presses her lips into a tight line.

And, because Natasha knows her best friend, she knows what that carefully composed look means. “You found something out,” Natasha says.

Maria nods. “My father found out that I was looking into Sarah Rogers, but when he approached me about it, he’d already assumed it was Steve’s mother that I was looking into. He thought that I was just looking into Joseph again, like he’d asked me and Carol to do when he first went missing, and Dad said—” She stops herself, and, maybe for the first time that Natasha can remember, Maria looks hesitant, but she continues on. “He’d told me that when Joseph Rogers moved to the States, he’d scrubbed his past.”

Natasha feels her entire body stiffen, feels her breath hitch in her chest. At the corner of her gaze, she watches Wanda sit up, her cheeks still wet with tears as she furrows her at Maria in question.

“Scrubbed?” Natasha echoes. “When was this?”

“He was thirteen when he moved here, and he was adopted, but there are no records of that, either.” The surprise clear as day in Maria’s voice as she turns to Wanda. The girl looks just as stunned as the both of them, glancing between her and Natasha as the hand that’s holding onto Bucky’s shirt tightens. It’s clear that this is news to her, too.

Thirteen.

Natasha’s mind flickering back to the photograph of her mother and Joseph Rogers, the two of them clearly young. As soon as she’d seen them, she thought they would’ve barely been in high school, if even that.

Joseph Rogers had been adopted. He’d moved to the United States, and he’d known her mother before that happened. No one mentioned anything about Joseph being with her Uncle Howard and her father on that year-long trip across Europe, but Uncle Howard has known Joseph Rogers since high school. He had to have known Joseph Rogers wasn’t born into the most notorious Family in New York. In fact, every Family had to have known about his adoption the moment Joseph Rogers had come into the picture.

“There’s something else,” Maria adds, and the tone of her voice makes Natasha’s chest tighten as she glances at Wanda.

... ...

He was lucky, the doctor told them. If Pietro had been a second slower, he might not have even made it to the hospital in time. Those words alone had been enough to make Steve feel pretty damn lightheaded, but the fact that his brother is fine, that he’s expected to make a full recovery, keeps Steve from swaying on his feet.

Wanda’s eyelashes flutter shut as she exhales slowly, leaning into Steve’s chest as a shiver rolls down her spine, and Steve tucks her in close as he brushes a kiss to her hair. He catches Natasha’s gaze over Wanda’s head, his fingers twitching to pull her in, too, but they both know that he won’t. Not right now, when they haven’t even talked about what this is, and especially not with the rest of the Family in the same room. He doesn’t think she’d push him away, but he doesn’t want anyone asking questions right now.

He’s got enough to deal with as it is.

And he’s glad that Howard, Nick, and Odin are standing with him to actually catch whatever the hell the doctor is saying about the operation itself, because Steve can barely catch his breath, let alone understand more than a few words at a time. But that’s why they’re there, why everyone in the Family has been here the entire time that Pietro’s been in surgery, to let Steve and Wanda deal with coping while they take care of everything else. That’s one thing about the Families that still surprised Steve from time to time—just how much of a family they truly are. Steve hasn’t spoken with Odin nearly as often as he has with Howard and Nick, but he’d still come with Frigga and everyone else in tow, and even if it’s just to save face with Howard and Nick, Steve appreciates it nonetheless. Almost half of the men searching the streets right now answer to him.

And even though his sister clearly has an issue with Steve, and his brother isn’t nearly as welcoming, Steve isn’t all that surprised that Thor and his wife, Sif, have been hovering nearby all night long. Like with Odin, Steve has only spoken with Thor a handful of times, but the man is hard not to like. He seems to take after Frigga more than Odin, and he’d gotten a smile out of Wanda and eased some of the weight pressing on Steve’s chest for a short while without completely disregarding the mood altogether.

Steve glances across the room, his gaze falling on where Hela has been sitting the whole night.

She’d kept to herself, barely glancing in Steve’s direction when their family first arrived, and she’d hung back with Loki when Odin, Frigga, Thor, and Sif had come to talk to Steve and Wanda. He supposes that’s as close to civil as she was going to offer considering she hasn’t made her contempt with Steve a secret. She doesn’t strike him as the type to only talk behind one’s back, either, so Steve doesn’t doubt that Hela is under strict orders from Odin and Frigga to keep quiet if she can’t find anything tame to say.

Still, Steve’s thoughts drift back to the text Natasha had gotten from Sam and Maria a few hours ago, about an Asgard car being near the scene.

Even if Hela had wanted to make a move against Steve, using Wanda and Pietro to do so would’ve been a stretch, even for her. Maybe she thinks they should head the Families instead, especially with Steve in his father’s shoes for the time being, but Hela wouldn’t have much to gain from that kind of move. The Families each have their boroughs that they run, and even though they don’t draw the lines on a map, Steve knows the control is fairly evenly split. Steve learned fairly early on that his father’s supposed title of running the Families is mostly just that – some kind of title. He made the decisions, but nothing was ever decided without consulting the other families.

Steve can’t see it being worth it to Hela to get to him through Wanda and Pietro, not when there would be hell for her to answer to from the rest of the Family. Orchestrating raids on their shipments and deliveries doesn’t make much more sense, either, when she directly benefits from those profits.

Still, he can’t exactly shake the feeling that she’s involved somehow. It just may not be as obvious as it seems.

“You alright?” Natasha asks, standing close enough and keeping her voice low enough for only him to hear, even with Wanda, Clint, and Howard just a few steps away.

He hums, catching her arm in his hand, just above the elbow, and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Walk with me?” he asks, and she nods.

Steve steps forward, waiting until Wanda notices him a few seconds later as to not interrupt Clint and Howard. “I’m going to grab some air before they show us to Pietro’s room,” he tells her, and Wanda nods, offering a small smile. He knows she isn’t exactly in a rush. She’d put up a fight at first when both Howard and Nick insisted that she and Steve go home to rest after they’ve sat with Pietro for a short while, but he knows she’s exhausted, and she conceded when Clint reminded her that the Family would be with Pietro all night and would call if anything urgent comes up. Pietro will likely be asleep until morning, anyway, and the doctors seem confident that he’ll make a quick recovery.

Natasha lets him take her hand as they turn the corner into the hallway, threading their fingers and lifting her hand up to brush a kiss to her knuckles.

They don’t step outside of the hospital – there are more men keeping watch, but it’s still risky, especially this late at night – but he walks them down a few hallways until they’re mostly alone and don’t seem to be in anyone’s way.

He leans back against the wall, sliding his hands over her hips and tugging her close, and he only catches a glimpse of the smirk tugging at her lips before he slants his mouth over hers. He tells himself it’ll just be a gentle, comforting brush – something selfish but quick – but he knows he’s not fooling anyone, especially not himself.

Natasha doesn’t flinch or stiffen in response, not even for half a second. Instead, she makes the softest sort of sound as she parts her lips, and within seconds, the kiss is deeper and it’s harder and it’s just more. He pulls her tightly against his chest as her hands slide up between them, draping around his neck, and he feels both exhilarated and exhausted all at once. Their argument in his kitchen felt like days ago, and sitting next to her on the barstool, drinking wine and flirting, felt like it’d happened weeks before.

Slowly, eventually, the frantic hum in his body ebbs into something softer, his mouth easing against Nat’s until she pulls back, just a little, reaching up to touch his jaw.

“I’m sorry for reacting the way I did,” he murmurs against the corner of her lips. “I trust your judgment, Nat. You were just being mindful of me.”

“I’m sorry I waited too long to tell you myself, because I was going to. I wanted you to hear all of it from me.” She pulls back a little more, just enough to really look into his eyes, and even though he knows she can probably read his every though, he still nods at her in encouragement and in reassurance. Because he believes her. He knows she’d been planning to tell him and she was just waiting for the right time, when she had enough of a reason for it to make sense to herself before she got him involved on it, too.

He doesn’t know if he would’ve taken it better or worse if she’d told him right away, when it was just a nagging thought that she decided to follow up on. He’d like to think that he would’ve handled it well enough, but then again, bringing his mother up to any extent even after all these years is still a little hard for him.

He doubts he would’ve had any rational reaction to hearing it in this context, in a theory that someone with the same name as his mother was stalking Natasha.

Steve exhales, dropping his forehead to hers. “We don’t have to talk about it now,” he promises softly, turning his head to press a kiss to her temple. “I can barely keep myself upright, but I just wanted us to at least talk about this, and I wasn’t sure I’d have the energy to do it once we got home. I don’t like you thinking I don’t trust you.”

He hears the smile in her soft laugh. “I know you trust me,” she promises. “I don’t think I could even attempt to explain it right now, so it’s better if we get back to it later.”

He nods once, pulling her in close again as he lets his head fall into the curve of her shoulder. He doesn’t know how long they’ve been gone, but he doesn’t want to go back just yet and Natasha seems to share the sentiment as her body melts against his, her lips brushing against the pulse in his throat.

... ...

Bucky is the one to drive the four of them back to Steve’s from the hospital, and, considering it’s just after one in the morning by the time they step into the brownstone, it’s a given that he’ll be spending the night just as Nat is. Wanda lends her another set of pajamas to borrow, and Natasha thinks the girl is attempting to make a joke at first when she asks Natasha if she’ll be sharing a bed with her or Steve—but then Steve gives her this little smile when she looks at him and Natasha feels something warm start to unfurl in her chest. He tells her that it’s her choice, and that Bucky can take the couch if she doesn’t want to share a bed at all, but Natasha doesn’t even have to pause to consider.

Wanda lends her another set of pajamas to sleep in and Natasha gives her a hug goodnight, and then watches as Wanda walks up to Bucky to give him a hug, too, lingering a beat longer before giving him a small smile and then stepping into her room with Steve.

Natasha’s eyes flit to Bucky when the girl’s door clicks closed, and he exhales, “Don’t even start,” before she can even draw a breath.

His lips are twitching as if fighting off a smile of his own, though, so Natasha is willing to bet he isn’t nearly as uncomfortable with it her teasing as he acts.

Natasha breathes out a laugh. “I think it’s cute,” she says. Bucky sort of squints at her as if trying to determine if she’s teasing about that, too—and yeah, maybe she was. But then she catches the flicker in his eyes as he genuinely studies her, and she knows that he’s looking for something, though maybe he doesn’t even realize it for himself.

If anyone would be good enough for my little sister, it would be my best friend.

Natasha feels herself smile as she remembers how easily Steve said those words. She doesn’t necessarily think Bucky is looking for validation in this moment; she doubts he would’ve ever made a move on Wanda if he thought it would genuinely upset Steve, or if he thought he wasn’t enough for her.

Still, she lets the amusement in her smile fade at the edges as she peers back at him. “You were exactly what she needed tonight,” she tells him, her voice soft. If he’s surprised by the sentiment from her, though, he does a pretty damn good job of not letting on as he nods, a grin tugging at his lips. “Good night, Buck.”

Bucky’s chuckles follow her as she slips into Steve’s room, and she heads straight into the hallway bathroom to change.

She doesn’t realize just how damn exhausted she is until she has the door shut behind her. The nerves of waiting while Pietro was in surgery had kept the fatigue at bay back at the hospital, and though a little of it crept back in when she and Steve were alone in that hallway, she’d caught somewhat of a second wind when they walked back to wrap up with Uncle Howard and check on a sleeping Pietro in his private room. She doesn’t know how long Steve plans on talking with Wanda – probably not long at all since the two of them are likely wrung out by now – so Natasha is quick to change and wash up, just in case Steve plans on waiting on her before he turns the light off and passes out.

In fact, she’s doesn’t doubt that’s what he’d do.

The door to his bedroom is open partway, giving her a glimpse of Steve as he walks out of his bathroom, so Natasha switches off the hallway light behind her before slipping inside. He pauses in the middle of setting the throw pillows aside when he hears her, looking over his shoulder, and she lets her gaze trace over his body. She’d never felt as if he was reserved with her before, but it seems that, after their kiss, whatever little semblance of polite restraint that’d been between them had dissolved. Rather than a mild glance, she takes her time to look at him, her eyes sliding across his broad shoulders straining against his white tee, over his sculpted biceps and down to the cinch of his hips.

When she brings her eyes back up to his, she finds a small grin on his lips, one eyebrow arched. She nearly has to bite back a smirk.

“I’m disappointed.” She tilts her head as she walks over to him. “When you said you usually get warm at night, I was hoping that meant you went to bed shirtless.”

He chuckles. “Actually, I usually do.”

She raises her eyebrows, this time letting her smirk tug at her lips. “Well, don’t stop on my account.”

She’s only half-teasing, and she knows he can hear it in her voice because he pauses, just for a second, as his eyes flits down to her lips, his gaze shifting into something a little darker and a little stormier. He reaches for the hem of his shirt, catching her gaze once more as he cocks his head ever so slightly in question—and though there’s a quip on the tip of her tongue, she doesn’t really want to make light of this moment between them. She doesn’t want, not even for a second, for this to feel any less of what it is.

They’ve both waited too damn long for this.

She grasps at his shirt, pushing the material up his body, and he helps her pull it over his head before letting it fall to the floor. She holds his stare as she places her palms flat against his chest, and when he reaches up, gently grasping at her wrists, she knows he won’t pull her, nor is he afraid that she may suddenly change her mind.

He simply wants to touch her, and so he does, stroking the pads of his thumbs ever so slightly across her skin as another small grin pulls at his lips. “You can tell me if this is too much, too fast, Nat,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper as he leans in closer.

“Considering this should have happened weeks ago, it’s not fast enough.” She narrows her eyes at him, her smirk widening. “If you don’t kiss me, Steve—”

He’s laughing as his mouth slants over hers, and Natasha feels that same flutter of warmth in her chest as she had when he’d kissed her at the hospital.

He pulls her arms around his neck, guiding her back until he’s wrapping an arm around her waist and lifting her onto the bed, deepening their kiss as he lowers her against the mattress. His teeth graze against her lower lip right before he nips it, making her mouth part a little more against his as his tongue sweeps inside. It only takes seconds for his gentle yet firm kiss to shift, growing just a little bit rougher, just a little bit harder, as one of his hands comes up to cup her jaw. She can feel the slight tremble of his thumb across her skin, turning into a shiver that rolls down his spine as he presses them together, and she knows that every ounce of emotion from the day—hell, from just the last few hours—is crashing back over him, rushing through his veins. He’d done a good job at tamping down all of his anxieties at the hospital, but now they’re finally bursting free.

She knows he won’t want to just forget everything that happened today, and it’s not that he really wants a distraction, either. He just needs something to do with all of the raw emotion humming restlessly through his body, and she knows one thing that might work.

Her hands slide out from around his neck and slip between them, gently dragging her nails down the contours of his chest until she grasps at the waistband of his sweats.

But then he’s grasping at one of her hands to stop her, parting their kiss and lifting his head just enough to peer into her eyes. “Let me help,” she whispers.

He ducks his head, kissing her throat, nipping at the pulse in her neck, and she exhales a sigh as she arches up against him. “You are helping,” he insists, his voice soft but sincere as his lips brush across her collarbone, dips between her breasts just above the dip of her tank top. He grasps at the hem, pushing it up to bare her stomach, and she threads her fingers through his hair as he places a kiss just above one of her ribs. He hooks his thumbs under the waistband of her shorts, pausing. “You can tell me to stop.”

Her eyelashes flutter closed as she smiles like an idiot up at the ceiling. He doesn’t know how he keeps surprising her, but she likes it a little too much.

“Is this for you, too?” she asks, even though she already knows the answer. He’d said it just seconds ago, even if not in the exact words, and she absolutely believes that Steve would want to focus on her pleasure alone as a way to channel all of the excess energy radiating off of his skin.

Still, her stomach does a little flip when he hums his reassurances against her hipbone, nipping her skin there, and she lifts her hips off of the bed so he can slide her panties and her pajama shorts off. He presses his thighs apart, his eyes flickering up along the length of her body to catch her gaze right before his tongue sweeps against her.

Oh.

She sucks in a breath, spine arching just a little bit off of the bed, and he pulls one of her knees over his shoulder as he opens her up a little wider, glides his tongue against her a little harder. She’d already been damp from the few minutes they’d been kissing, and it doesn’t take long for her to grow wetter, her skin flushing all over as he takes his time tasting her. He licks through the slick folds of her sex, finding her little bundle of nerves and sucking on it lightly, too lightly, and she lets her head roll to the side as she exhales heavily. He’s driving her crazy, leaning every inch of her, teasing at her entrance until she’s twisting her fingers into his duvet and rolling her hips against his mouth.

Then his tongue slips inside, curling, and she lets out a soft moan as her hips buck ever so slightly against him. She swears she feels him grin.

Slowly, oh so slowly, he sweeps his tongue inside of her, then up through her folds, flicking at her tight bud before dipping back down, repeating the cycle and yet somehow teasing her enough with sudden quick sucks or lingering licks so that she can’t fall into his rhythm.

She feels ready to burst, her body lightly slicked with sweat and her breaths coming in shaky and haltingly. It almost feels as if the more she squirms under his tongue, the longer he draws it out. Her hands find his hair again, twisting into it and all but holding him in place, hips jerking as she chases the climbing pressure low in her stomach—

Then he catches her clit between his lips, sucking it into his mouth and letting his tongue dart out against it, and she bows off of the bed as she finally, finally hits the edge.

One of his hands digs into the flesh of her ass, holding her to him as she rides out the waves of her high. He groans against her, sounding every bit as delicious tortured as she feels, and, god, that makes her come just a little bit harder, hearing how much pleasure he gets out of her pleasure.

She feels the tease of his fingers a second before he slips two inside of her with ease, curling, his tongue still working over her tight bundle of nerves, and this time her moan is a little louder when it spills from her lips.

Her second orgasm comes right on the heels of her first, harder and headier, and longer, the thrust of his fingers dragging out every ounce of pleasure from her as he can. She doesn’t know if she should feel embarrassed by how easily she falls apart for him or impressed by how quickly he reads her, but as the white-hot waves burst through her, she can’t find it in herself to care about either. Especially not when Steve’s body is moving over her again, his hand wrapping around his hard length as he dips down to kiss her.

He groans into her mouth, letting her taste her sweet musk on his tongue as she shivers under the ripples of her orgasm, and, very faintly through the thrum of the blood rushing through her, she can hear the wet slide of him working his hand over himself, chasing his own high.

“Nat,” he breathes into their kiss, and even through the haze of pleasure smothering her, she knows what words he can’t quite find, knows what he’s really asking.

She nods, almost frantic, reaching up with trembling hands to cup his face. She can’t quite find her words, either, so she just kisses him even harder instead.

He groans again, his body shuddering as he rushes over that edge, too, and she feels the warmth of his release start to wet her stomach. She nearly shivers, biting down on his lower lip and then licking at the indent of her teeth, and she doesn’t even care that their kiss has grown messy as he rides out his high.

Fuck. Fuck.

She parts their lips as her lungs start to burn for air and his head falls forward into the curve of her neck. She really, really shouldn’t be smiling like an idiot right now, but she couldn’t care less his body shivers through the last tremors of his orgasm.

He kisses the thrumming pulse in her neck once, twice, three times, and then lifts his head enough to stare down at her face. His hand is wet with his release when he touches her, but then again, so is she. He licks his lips before they hitch into a boyish sort of grin, and her stomach flips as she returns it with a small grin of her own.

If she thought she’d been exhausted before, she’s very nearly about to pass out now as Steve slides off of her and heads into his bathroom. Even then, though, this kind of fatigue feels warmer and lighter, and she can see it in his face, too, when Steve returns with a handful of tissue and damp washcloth. The heaviness that’d been in his eyes is no longer there as he methodically works to wipe her off with the tissues, disposing them into a small waste bin by his nightstand before running the washcloth over her skin.

When he heads back into the bathroom and returns a second time, he pulls the duvet back for them to climb under and then switches off the light. He reaches for her in the same second that she slides closer, and she smiles against his skin when he presses a kiss to the top of her head.

She knows she must’ve fallen asleep in the very next second, but she still hears his murmured, “thank you,” into her hair as she drifts off.

... ...

Steve has never been a deep sleeper, which is likely the reason he’s almost always up before dawn. But he knows before he’s even entirely awake that he’d gotten more rest last night than he has in a long while.

He also knows before he’s even opened his eyes that Natasha isn’t in the bed with him. He doesn’t feel the gentle press of her body against his or her hair falling across his shoulder, but he can still catch her scent clinging to the fabric of his sheets, something soft and sweet and just a little bit spiced, too. He can hear her, though. It’s faint and muffled and honestly something he thinks he could be imagining at first, considering he’s only really half-awake. But her laugh lilts through the air, mingling with Wanda’s giggles as it floats into his room. The sound makes a smile tug at his lips as he blinks his eyes open, squinting against the early morning light filtering in from the windows.

He can’t remember the last time he slept in until sunrise.

Another giggle floats through the air, a little louder this time, and, now that he’s almost entirely awake now, Steve can hear someone moving around in the kitchen. Probably Bucky. He knows the guy has to be at the precinct soon, and Wanda will want to leave early as well so they can get back to the hospital. Honestly, he’s surprised that his sister didn’t come straight into his room to wake him as soon as she was up herself, but it seems that she’s content and distracted enough by Nat to give him a few more minutes.

He finds the door wide open when he steps into the hallway, the two of them perched on the bed and huddled close together, and Steve’s gaze catches on Natasha. She put her panties and her pajama shorts back on, of course, but just the sight of them pulls him back to last night and to the look in her eyes when he’d peeled them off of her and tossed them to the floor. Part of him had wondered as he drifted to sleep if it would feel different in the morning. If he’d wake up and realized they maybe should’ve waited.

But he doesn’t think that, not even for a second.

Because Natasha had been right about the fact that they’ve been dancing around this, them, for weeks. Just because they’d fallen into bed together only hours after he’d kissed her for the first time doesn’t mean they’d rushed through anything.

And just because he hadn’t been inside her doesn’t mean he didn’t want to be. But they’d both been exhausted – mentally, physically, and for damn sure emotionally – and he’s glad he’d waited. He won’t be forgetting last night anytime soon, but when they finally sleep together, he doesn’t want an ounce of fatigue clouding his memory.

Wanda catches sight of him in the doorway, her smile brightening, and Natasha follows her gaze onto him. “Good morning,” she greets, a small smirk pulling at her lips.

“Good morning.” He bites back a smirk of his own, shifting his gaze onto Wanda to find her eyes practically sparkling. “Sleep well?”

“Not as well as you, it seems,” Wanda replies, wrinkling her nose at him. He nearly shakes his head, but then she’s sliding off the bed and onto her feet and coming over to him, wrapping her arms around him with a squeeze, and, yeah. He can wait until later find out what the two of them were giggling about.

“You okay?” he whispers, and she presses her face into his chest, humming. Steve glances at Nat, her smile softening as she nods. “Come on. Let’s go make breakfast.”

Wanda unwinds her arms from around him, letting him brush a kiss to her temple before stepping into the hallway, and then Natasha is stepping passed him, too, glancing over her shoulder to shoot him a grin. He reaches forward and gently grasps her arm, pulling her until her back is pressed against his chest, and he ducks his head to press a kiss to the skin right next to her ear. Her grin widens as she exhales a light chuckle. “Well, you’re awfully chipper for someone who had quite the stressful night,” she muses.

He chuckles, too, giving her arm a slight squeeze. “Not all of it was stressful,” he points out, releasing her arm, and she tips her head back so he can brush a kiss to her lips.

He keeps it quick, only lingering for a beat before drawing back, but it’s still enough for a warmth to unfurl in his chest, making his blood hum softly. Natasha’s eyes are glinting as she turns away from him, and he grins as he follows her down the hallway and into the kitchen.

Wanda is already perched on one of the barstools at the kitchen island, spooning some sugar into her mug, and Bucky is drinking his own as he stands beside her. Steve is willing to bet that the guy’s burning his mouth right now as he gulps down his mug, but he’s already cutting it close to when he should be at the precinct.

“You guys going to be at the hospital all day?” Bucky asks as Steve opens a cabinet and pulls down two more mugs.

“Yeah, probably,” he replies. “We may run out once or twice in between, but we’ll be there as long as we can. I doubt they’ll be discharging him today, anyway.”

Howard had text him sometime last night to let him know that Pietro woke up twice and seemed coherent as he talked to the doctor, but he’s been asleep ever since, still lethargic from the surgery. There was another text from Nick, too, telling him that they hadn’t caught who else had been at the shooting, and honestly, Steve didn’t think they would. It’s clear the ambush was planned, like every other ambush the Families have dealt these last few weeks, so it isn’t surprising that they covered their tracks well.

Bucky nods. “Let me know,” he says, and Steve knows that he’s already planning on meeting them at the hospital after his shift, or he’ll meet them back here instead if they’ve already left. Bucky pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time, muttering under his breath before draining the last of his coffee. “I should get going,” he tells them, loading his mug into the dishwasher, and then he’s heading back over to Wanda, pausing just a second to flash her a small grin, and then dipping down to kiss her.

Her eyelashes flutter in surprise, but he pulls back before she can so much as blink, turning to Steve and only barely fighting back a wider grin. “See you later, punk.”

“Pretty sure you’re the punk in this moment,” Steve replies dryly.

His best friend knows that he’s joking, though, so Bucky just chuckles and shoots Nat a grin on his way out.

Wanda’s cheeks are a little flushed as she cradles her mug with both hands, taking a sip of her coffee and catching his gaze over the rim, and there’s something hesitant in her gaze that makes him pause. He knows she’s not necessarily embarrassed by that kiss, even if he’d been there to see, but he can tell something about it is bothering her.

Natasha can see it, too, because she slips onto the barstool beside Wanda’s and brushes her hair behind her ear. “Everything okay?”

Wanda rubs her lips together, giving her a wry sort of smile. “I just don’t want to get too attached,” she admits, her voice soft as she peers down into her coffee. Steve furrows his eyebrows, sharing a confused glance with Natasha, but Wanda continues before they can ask why. “It’s one thing for us to be close because I’m his best friend’s little sister, and maybe it’s okay if we just stay friends. But it’s another thing for him to be involved with me,” she points out, lifting her head and shrugging one shoulder.

“Because he’s a cop and you’re a mafia princess?” he guesses. She nods and he walks over to her, sitting on the other barstool beside her. “Quite the Romeo and Juliet setup.”

Wanda breathes out a laugh as she rolls her eyes. “Please don’t use that as an example of a love story. It’s a poetic tragedy at best.”

Despite everything, Steve chuckles. “I wasn’t going to, because this isn’t a tragedy,” he promises, and the wry amusement fades from his sister’s expression as she gives him a long look. He cups the back of her head as he kisses her temple. “If that’s the only thing you’re worried about then you two will be fine. Buck won’t let that get in the way.”

“He shouldn’t have to risk his job, either,” Wanda argues. “I know it’s an issue for him and Sam to be so close to us. Maybe not you since you knew them from before, but—”

“Wanda,” Steve interrupts gently, giving her a small smile. “Bucky is one of the best detectives in the state. His job isn’t in any more danger than it was before, and he hasn’t even gotten a word of caution from his higher ups, which he would’ve if he was being scrutinized because he’s good friends with his captain. Trust me, and trust him, too.”

His sister nods, but the hesitation doesn’t quite leave her eyes. “I don’t want him to always be scrutinized by the Family, either.”

“You’d be surprised,” Natasha says, and Wanda turns to her, furrowing her eyebrows. “Uncle Howard is relieved that you’ve had Bucky with you all this time.” Wanda blinks and Natasha offers her a grin and a shrug of her shoulders. “Trust me, I was surprised when Aunt Maria told me this, too. But things are changing,” she reminds, glancing at Steve for a moment. “They came around to your brother. They’ll come around to Bucky and Sam, too. Not all of them, but the ones that care about you will. Just give it time.”

Wanda smiles a little, the tension ebbing from her shoulders as she nods. “Okay,” she promises, resting her head against Steve’s shoulder. He glances over her to catch Natasha’s gaze again, grinning when she winks at him before she sliding off of the stool to retrieve their coffee.

... ...

They’ve been at the hospital for a few hours when Steve gets a text from Maria saying that she and Sam are picking up lunch for them—and honestly, Natasha had pretty much forgotten Maria’s revelation about Joseph Rogers until this moment.

It must’ve slipped Wanda’s mind, too, because Steve would have mentioned if his sister had told him that their father was adopted and had every trace of his life before New York wiped clean. Maybe he could’ve already known himself, but it seems unlikely. And Natasha would’ve preferred for Nick to be here so she and Steve can ask him about it directly, but his consigliere, Coulson, came to take his place last night, and Natasha isn’t going to wait this time to tell Steve, especially not with something this important.

“I’m assuming Maria knows what you two will eat because she didn’t ask for any preferences,” Steve tells Natasha and Wanda with a chuckle after reading the text.

Natasha smirks. “She does, but knowing Maria, it could be a complete surprise, too,” she quips, her gaze flitting to Wanda, and she sees the shift in the girl’s expression as she recalls the revelation that Maria dropped on them last night. Her eyebrows furrow and Natasha nods once before turning back to Steve, not surprised to find him watching their exchange curiously. “Maria found something out from Nick, but when she told me and Wanda last night, she didn’t know much,” Natasha says, and Steve lifts his eyebrows.

“Dad wasn’t born here, in the States,” Wanda tells him, her voice soft but still clear in the quiet of Pietro’s room. “He had his past erased.”

“Erased?” Steve’s hand tightens ever so slightly where it’s perched atop one of Natasha’s knees, his jaw tightening a little. He doesn’t look entirely surprised, though, and Natasha is willing to bet that’s because something along these lines might’ve already been in his head ever since they’d found that photo of his father and her mother.

“Nick said that our father was adopted, but there are no records of it,” Wanda adds. “He came here when he was thirteen and anything about his past before that is gone.”

Natasha slides her hand over his, squeezing, and Steve turns his gaze to her as his forehead creases in a silent question.

“My mother also had parts of her past wiped out,” she tells him, and again, Steve doesn’t seem as surprised as you might’ve expected. Honestly, after the initial shock had gone away at Maria’s words, Natasha knew that the thought had already been in her head, too. Maybe she could never have guessed it exactly what Maria had told her, but it was clear ever since the night she and Steve had seen that photograph that their parents (and probably most of the Family, too) had been hiding something all these years.

He nods, lifting her hand to brush a kiss to the back of it. “You okay?” he murmurs against her skin, and, despite everything, Natasha nods.

Because it’s true. Natasha may not like that her parents – and likely her aunt and uncle as well – have kept something from her for so long now, but at the same time, she doubts that anything her mother could be hiding is something that would make Natasha see her differently. And yes, Natasha would be lying if she said she hasn’t become a little warier around her parents since finding that photo, but still, she can’t quite bring herself to put any real distance between them or cut them off. They’re still her parents.

“Well, that’s definitely new,” a voice drawls, and Natasha looks up as Maria and Sam walk into the room. Maria glances pointedly at Natasha’s hand in Steve’s before lifting her gaze up to Natasha’s, arching an eyebrow as a smirk plays at her lips, and Natasha is smirking, too, as she rolls her eyes.

“Man, we’re gone not even for a whole day and we miss out on all the fun,” Sam quips, setting two plastic bags of takeout on the table.

Natasha’s smirk widens. “I don’t know, I feel like you two must’ve had some fun of your own,” she retorts as Maria drops into the chair beside hers. “Have you even left each other’s side since last night, or before then, for that matter? You did show up to Steve’s together, if I recall correctly.”

Wanda giggles softly as Maria shakes her head. “Oh, no,” she argues. “If we’re not talking about you and Steve, we have something more exciting to discuss instead.”

Sam shoots Maria a smirk as he crosses his arms, leaning back against the wall. “I wouldn’t exactly call the Russian mob exciting, but alright.”

That makes Natasha pause. Of all the things for these two could’ve brought up, she certainly hadn’t been expecting this. “What about the Russian mob?” Natasha asks.

“Turns out, some members of the Petrovich mob are here in New York, and they have been for weeks,” Maria answers, the amusement fading from her eyes as she shakes her head. “I don’t know how the hell that managed to slip under everyone’s radars for so long, but I suppose the Family has otherwise been preoccupied. The best part?” Maria arches an eyebrow. “My father found out that Yuri Petrovich is here with them. Quite a long way for the son of the head of the Petrovich mob to travel without a good reason.”

Natasha hums, sharing a glance with Steve. “Any ideas on what that reason could be?”

Maria shakes her head. “They have associates that they work occasionally based in New York, but a simple transaction or negotiation wouldn’t involve the heir of the Petrovich mob making the trip here in person,” she points out.

“Could they be here because of the Families?” Wanda asks, eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly. “All of the ambushes and shootings, and the crash at the Stark club…”

Steve squeezes Natasha’s hand. “It’d be one hell of an accusation without any real connection,” Steve points out, though he doesn’t sound as if he’s doubting his sister, either.

Natasha presses her lips together as her Aunt Maria’s words from the other day float through her thoughts once more.

Things are changing, darling. Your uncle just wants to keep you safe.

Her aunt never addressed it when Natasha asked if she was in danger, and, at the moment, she’d simply thought it was because of what happened at the club. The whole family has been on edge ever since, even though Natasha has been in her fair of danger before, but she decided not to push the matter. It’s not as if they’ve never been concerned for her before, and just because they tried not to let her see their worry as much before doesn’t necessarily make it suspicious that they choose not to hide it now.

Unless, of course, they had a reason to be worried beyond a foreign mob being in New York. Unless there’s a connection, as Steve had put it.

Her mother is Russian, and most likely Joseph Rogers is, too. And Natasha is willing to bet it isn’t just a coincidence that they not only ended up in mafias, but the same mafia.

“Speaking of connection,” Maria continues, drawing Natasha from her thoughts as she pulls out her phone. “You’ll never guess who I happened to see yesterday.”

She swipes to a photo on her screen and hands it over to Natasha, and the first thing her stare catches on is the long, golden blonde hair swept into a ponytail. Sarah Rogers. Or whoever the hell this woman actually is, but it is her—the very same woman that had been at the coffeehouse that morning. Maria had done a quick scan of the plates on the cars parked outside of Natasha’s apartment the day Natasha had told her about seeing a black compact car, and one had come back registered under Sarah Rogers’ name.

“Is this her?” Steve asks, his voice a little gruff in Natasha’s ear, and she nods as she hands him the phone. She watches his reaction, just in case there might be some echo of recognition, but she isn’t surprised not to see any.

“She’s sure as hell living up to her alias, too,” Sam chimes in, making Natasha and Steve turn their gaze onto him. “We saw her go into your old apartment in Brooklyn.”

Steve furrows his eyebrows. “That apartment was empty when we went,” he says, glancing at Natasha. “Maybe we should’ve checked the other units.”

“Or maybe we need to go back,” Natasha says. It’s one thing for this woman to happen to have the same name as Sarah Rogers, and maybe it could have been a simple coincidence for Natasha to have noticed her in the first place. But her car being parked outside of Natasha’s apartment for weeks would be hard to just write off, and seeing her heading into the abandoned apartment where Sarah Rogers had lived is even harder to ignore. And if that’d been intentional, then Natasha doubts this woman would’ve been able to find the exact address without also determining the apartment number, too. Maybe she simply hadn’t found it by the time Steve and Natasha had gone there.

Maybe they’d simply missed her.

“Buck will be bummed to miss out on all the fun, but after lunch, I’m good to go,” Sam offers, patting his stomach with a smirk. “Can’t fight on an empty stomach.”

Maria fights off a smirk of her own as she rolls her eyes. Natasha hesitates, but Maria shakes her head before Natasha can get a word out. “Don’t even start,” Maria tells her. “Either you’ll need back-up in case this woman really has been stalking you, or you’ll need extra eyes to help search the building. Either way, we’re coming with you.”

Beside her, Steve turns to look at Wanda again. “You’ll be alright here for a few hours?” he asks, because he knows as much as Wanda would want to help, too, it’ll be hard for her not to be with Pietro. She knows he’d woken up overnight, but she has yet to see for herself that he’s truly okay.

Wanda gives him a small smile as she nods. “Of course,” she answers, her eyes shifting to Natasha. “And I know you don’t need this said, but be careful, okay?”

“Don’t worry,” Steve answers instead, and, despite everything, Natasha feels a smile tug at her lips as she peers up at Steve. “I’ll have her back.”

#romanogers #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #chanty writes #mafia 'verse

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t0ngue-tech · 5 years ago

Text

Deadline | Four

“The gym was a bit empty, not as empty as last night, but thankfully it wasn’t crowded. You scanned the gym for the sight of Jungkook and you spotted him in the ring again with his coach. You weren’t even sure if seeing him was going to make anything better for you, but you walked towards the ring anyway.

‘Oh, Jungkook, your girlfriend.’ His coach said out loud.”

↠fluff, angst, highschoolAU, fakerelationshipAU↞

word count: 5.6k

↠ series: 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 6 | ↞

A/N: WHOAAAAA OKAYYYYYYYYY I HAVE GONE MISSING BUT HERE I AM ONCE AGAIN. i know my last update was Deadline so i hope you dont mind another update of it huhu. i hope that you all enjoy this part to the series! don’t skip your meals and pls stay hydrated ♡

“No. Way. Makoto is the best girl! Did you not see how she held onto Joker when they were in the house?”

“I beg to differ! Futuba is the best girl and the ultimate waifu!”

Lunch was more lively than usual that day. Instead of just Namjoon, Seokjin, and Jimin sitting with you and Jungkook, Jennie and Taehyung joined as well.

Jennie took part in a playful argument with Seokjin and Taehyung about Persona 5’s romance options. Namjoon, Jimin, and Jungkook just smiled along, trying to keep up with their conversation. You, on the other hand, stared at your math notebook at the practice problems you copied from one of your textbooks. Maybe trying to study at the moment wasn’t such a good idea.

“Okay, yeah, yeah. I bet we can all agree that Ryuji should have been a romance option.” Taehyung added.

“Oh, totally! Joker and Ryuji is one of me and y/n’s favorite bro-tps, besides Yosuke and Yu from Persona 4. Right, y/n? Jennie mentioned. “Y/n?”

“What?” You whipped your head up, dazed about whatever conversation just took place. “I’m sorry, Jennie. I’m just swamped right now. I didn’t realize the math competition was at the end of this month until I looked at my planner in first period.”

It was honestly stupid of you to forget about something as important as the math competition. You had it written in your planner, on your calendar in your room, your whiteboard, and on a post-it note on your desk in some sort of red ink. The past weeks were filled with thoughts about the history project, tutoring, and having to keep up with your fake relationship Jungkook. This morning took you by surprise; Jungkook coming over and having breakfast with you and your mom. Plus, you were still having an internal battle about having to initiate physical contact with him.

“You need some help? I think I should know how to solve it because I have a killer math tutor!” Jimin winked at you and you smiled, pointing finger guns at him.

“Alright, I think I got this.” Jungkook scooted closer towards you and lifted your notebook for him to have a better look. “Mhm, mhm. I knew it.”

“What?” You questioned and everyone stared at Jungkook in anticipation.

“I actually do not get any of this.” Jungkook slid your notebook back in front of you and everyone scoffed, Namjoon even tossed a crumpled napkin at him.

“My God..” You laughed and naturally leaned towards your right to place your head on his shoulder. On impulse, Jungkook chuckled along and draped his arm around you.

Jennie’s facial expression didn’t go unnoticed by you and she gently nudged your leg underneath the table. You didn’t tell her about your determination to initiate PDA first so you were preparing yourself for an uplifting speech about how proud she was of you. Honestly, you were looking forward to it. This was pushing your comfort zone, but deep down, it felt nice.

“I’m going to safely assume you’re going to attend the math team’s meeting today?” Jennie asked.

“Yeah. It’s for the best--sorry Jimin, Seokjin. I can’t tutor today.” You pouted and flashed puppy eyes towards the two boys who enjoyed the look you gave them.

“Y/n, it’s okay.” Seokjin squeaked in laughter. “Jungkook, she’s so cute.”

Jennie leaned towards you to cup your cheek. “Yeah she is and she’s mine first, Jeon.”

Jungkook pressed his cheek against the top of your head and squeezed your shoulder. “Don’t worry, Jennie. Y/n is all yours--oh, so do you want me to wait for you until after your meeting?”

Before you spoke, Jennie poked Jungkook’s hand that sat on your shoulder. “It’s alright, Jeon. I’ll wait for her. I haven’t seen her mom in a while, so I think this is the best opportunity.”

“Oh, of course. Okay.” Jungkook smiled and held you closer to him. “I’ll just walk you to the math lab, so wait for me by your fourth period y/n.”

“Okay.” Your eyes were still trained on your notebook and you scanned your eyes across the table, towards the other side of the cafeteria and accidentally made eye contact with Chaeyoung who was staring you down with daggers in her eyes. In a state of panic, you kept your head down and tried to focus on your math problem.

Making Sehun jealous was one thing, but making eye contact with a jealous Chaeyoung was something else.

↠↞

Third period was the same routine: work on the day’s lesson and if there was any free time, work on the history project.

Fourth period flew by and you could barely focus. You had a lot of homework stacked on your plate, making you instantly overwhelmed. The math competition was at the end of the month, the history project was due next month and you were nowhere near assembling the visual aid.

If anymore stress were to be added into your life, you were so sure you were going to cry on the spot.

“Junior year can suck my ass.” You pinched the bridge of your nose and blew out an angry sigh.

“Are you sure you want to attend the meeting? You could always take the day to do homework. I’m pretty sure your teammates would understand.” Jungkook suggested.

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s important that I go. I don’t think I can afford to miss anymore meetings.” You spoke sadly. “Wait here.”

You took a minute to take your belongings from Jungkook to place inside the math lab. Hani’s face lit up seeing you in the classroom and mentioned how much she missed you. A weak smile appeared on your face and you asked her to wait a moment before catching up with her. Chanyeol was in the corner of the classroom, making copies of some sort of worksheet—you made the decision to greet him later.

As you make your way back to the door, you spotted Jungkook and Sehun standing face-to-face with Sehun’s arms across his chest and Jungkook’s hands stuffed inside his pockets.

Oh no.

“U-Um.” You choked out.

Sehun turned his head and stepped back at the sight of you. “Hey, y/n.”

“Hi, Sehun.” You took your spot next to Jungkook and he automatically wrapped his arm around your lower back and settled his hand on your waist. “Uh, Jungkook? I’ll text you when I get home to let you know I made it safe.”

“Okay, babe. Be careful not to make your head explode.” Jungkook spun you around to have you in a hugging position where you face was buried in his chest. “See you around, Sehun.”

“Yeah. Whatever.” You couldn’t see his face, but Sehun pretty much spat out his reply.

It was quiet for a few seconds and you tilted your head to the side and caught a glimpse of Sehun walking away.

“What happened?” You asked, looking back up at Jungkook who had an obvious crease between his eyebrows.

“Nothing important.” Jungkook stroked your hair before letting you go, and nudging you to go into the classroom. “I’ll talk to you later, y/n.”

You felt uneasy because something definitely happened and Jungkook wasn’t telling you anything, but he smiled sweetly and poked your forehead.

“Everything is fine, y/n. Go on, you have math problems to tackle.”

Even with an assuring smile, you couldn’t shake the tension between Jungkook and Sehun. But Jungkook was right, you had actual problems to solve and you needed to be as focused as possible.

“Ohhhhhhhhhh. See, I was trying to use the shortcut formula to figure this out but I guess sometimes you have to take the long way to reach your destination.” Jaehyun, another teammate who arrived later, sighed.

“Yeah, I made that same mistake too, but once you get used to the long version, it’s just as short as the short formula.” You underlined the answer on the whiteboard and took a sip from your water bottle.

To your surprise, you were figuring out math problems with ease. Considering how frazzled you were, you expect yourself to be a complete mess throughout the entire session.

“Okay, let’s pick up here tomorrow. Saero High has a whole bunch of brainiacs this year, but we have to do our best to keep up our streak with them.” Chanyeol spoke. “Plus, we still have community service with the elementary school next week Wednesday, so clear your schedule that day too.”

Although he was speaking to the entire team, if felt as if Chanyeol was speaking directly to you. Come to think of it, he was being short with you the entire afternoon. You greeted him, asked about his day, but his replies were quick and he didn’t even bat you an eye.

Was he that angry with you?

“Y/n, you’ll be here tomorrow right?” Hani asked.

“Yeah I am. What’s up?” You replied whilst organizing your things.

“My sister came back from her trip and she has a lot of packs of those wasabi almonds you like! I’ll bring you some.” Hani’s warm smile melted away some of the exhaustion you were feeling.

“Thanks, Hani—oh! Mingyu, when you see Eunha in your second period tomorrow, can you tell her that Ms. Song gave her the ‘okay’ for the history project? She wasn’t in class today, but she’ll know what you mean.” You called over to Mingyu who was ready to leave the class.

“You got it!”

The class began to empty out but it still felt stuffy, only because it was just you and Chanyeol left in the room. The tension was apparent and it felt like you were about to suffocate if you didn’t leave anytime soon. You had to get out of there. Especially because Jennie was still waiting for you in her car.

“O-Okay, Chanyeol. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You stuttered.

“Wait.” He replied and you froze up. “I need to discuss something with you.”

Chanyeol was finally looking at you with ice in his eyes and all you wanted to do was run away. You hated confrontation with every fiber in your body. You especially hated arguing with people because even if someone raised their voice at you a little, tears would form in your eyes.

Weak? Yes, very weak.

“Where have you been these past weeks?” He asked coldly.

“S-Sorry, Chan. I’ve been extremely busy these days. Homework from other classes, projects, tutoring friends—It’s been draining.” It was your turn to avoid eye contact with him.

“I understand that we all have other classes we have to focus on, but the competition is at the end of this month! You can always use this time for study hall, just be here.” There was a hint of annoyance in his voice. “And tutoring? Who are you tutoring?”

“Oh, um, Jungkook and some of his friends. They’re having trouble in their trigonometry class, so I offered to help.” You spoke softly.

“Ugh, seriously?” Chanyeol scoffed and squeezed his eyes shut. “You have responsibilities here too. They can always find another tutor.”

What the hell is he even saying?

“H-Hey, I actually enjoy tutoring them. It’s always a great time.” You spoke a bit louder this time.

“You’re having a great time tutoring them or having fun spending time with your boyfriend?”

Chanyeol’s comment took you by surprise.

“Why do you even go out with guys like Sehun and Jungkook? For your information, this happened last year too. You skipped weeks of meetings to watch Sehun practice out on the football field.” Chanyeol bluntly said.

“Ex-Excuse me?” You furrowed your eyebrows.

“What’s the point of dating someone who’s not on the same academic level as you anyway? They’re just going to slow you down.”

Your blood was boiling at this point. Was Chanyeol seriously judging you? Was he that angry because you’re dating someone who isn’t as “smart” as you were? He had no right—

You clench your fists and angrily grabbed your backpack off the table. “You know what, Chanyeol? You’re in no position to judge me right now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” In a huff, you left Chanyeol in the classroom ignoring his requests for you to stay.

There were tears stinging your eyes.

Weakness.

What the hell was his problem?! Where did those words even come from anyway? God!

You didn’t need this right now. You were already stressed and frustrated as is and Chanyeol just made everything worse.

With heavy footsteps, you reached Jennie’s car and you spotted her laughing to tears staring at her phone. You smiled and knocked on her window.

“Oh, God, hey.” Jennie said in between laughter as she rolled her window down and unlocked her car.

“Funny video?”

“Just catching up on some vlogs, oh man, I have to show you some videos when we get to your house.” Jennie waited for you to get settled in the passenger seat and watched as you raked your hands through your hair. “You okay?”

“I’ll tell you at home.” You sighed. “Can we get some things for a coke floats and kettle corn popcorn?”

Jennie started her car right away and pulled out of the school parking lot with determination. “Say no more, y/n!”

↠↞

The trip to the supermarket to your house felt like three seconds as Jennie was anticipating for you to spill the tea. Your mother was in the kitchen when you got home and Jennie was delighted to see her. As they caught up, you began popping two bags of popcorn and poured coke over two tall glasses of vanilla ice cream.

Before you vented to Jennie, you spent thirty-minutes watching the videos Jennie wanted you to see. In the midst of frustration, the vlogs were a ray of light, making you laugh until your stomach hurt.

Jennie pulled up another window on your laptop and showcased the outfit one of the girls in the video wore. “Girl, you would look hot in that!”

You scrunch your nose. The outfit was an off-the-shoulder crop top paired with light denim high-waisted shorts; totally out of your comfort zone.

“It’s cute.” You admitted. “But I think it would look better on you.”

Jennie shuffled on top of your bed and sat up. “Ugh, y/n, come on! You would turn heads of both girls and boys! Let’s go to the mall next week and look for something like this. Plus, I need a whole new outfit for my sister’s dance recital.”

“For the cute high school siblings of your sister’s friends?” You chuckled.

“You know me so well!” Jennie laughed. “So, please?”

Your stomach turned at the thought of dressing up in an outfit like that. “O-Okay, I’ll give it a try.”

Jennie practically jumped on you, suffocating you with a hug. “Yes! Love you! Okay, now it’s your turn. What the hell happened during the meeting?”

Ugh.

You explained how tired and stressed you’ve been and that getting into an argument was the last thing you needed. Then, you dropped the bomb and told her about how Chanyeol was pretty much pissed off about how you weren’t attending the meetings.

“What the hell? You have your own responsibilities dude.” Jennie huffed.

“I know, but I’m doing the last questions for the math competition this year like how he did last year.”

“Oh fuck, so you’re doing the hard questions?” She sighed. “But still! You’re allowed to do your own things.”

You sighed. “I guess...but that’s not all..”

You then explained how Chanyeol also blew up about your choice in boys.

“He said what?!” Jennie tossed your pillow off the floor. “You want me to kick his ass? What the fuck is his problem?! He’s judging you about your choice in guys—fuck out of here!”

You flopped onto your back and grabbed another one of your pillows to scream in. “I don’t know what’s his problem, like what did I do…” your voice began to falter.

“Y/n. Can I be honest?” Jennie pulled the pillow away from your face and waited for you to nod your head. “I think Chanyeol is jealous.”

You sat up at an instant. “Jealous?! No, no, no, no, no.”

“Yes! Jealous! Y/n, you need to open your pretty dark brown eyes and realize that guys find you attractive!” Jennie put her arm around you and leaned on your shoulder.

Chanyeol? Jealous?

You’ve known him for a while and spent a lot of time together through the math team, but he was nothing more than a friend to you. Of course, you were dating Sehun last year, so you didn’t notice any signs of him liking you. But it seemed too weird. There was no way Chanyeol was jealous.

↠↞

Jennie left your house around 8 pm and took a pack of popcorn with her. You sat at the dining table with a fresh glass of coke float in front of you. Traces of the jealousy conversation still lingered in your head and it made you plant your forehead on top of your table.

“Everything alright, honey?”

You peeked over to your mother who was heating up leftovers from the previous night for her dinner.

“Yeah, mom, just...stressed.” You said quietly.

“Want to talk about it?”

There was no shame in talking to your mom about your problems, but you didn’t feel like speaking to her about it at the moment.

“Not right now mom. I’ll be fine though.”

Sigh. You felt uneasy.

“Mom, you can have this.” You pushed the glass away from you. “I’m going to go for a drive. I need to clear my head. I won’t go far, I promise.”

“O-Okay, hon’. Just be careful.”

Where were you going? You just started your car and began driving, feeling the fall breeze against your cheeks. If you kept thinking about everything, you were so sure that your brain was going to start melting inside of your skull.

After driving around for fifteen minutes, you pulled into a parking stall.

“What am I even doing here?” You breathed.

In front of you was the gym Jungkook trained at. It was definitely deja vu because you were just here last night but under different circumstances. For a second you weren’t sure if Jungkook was going to be there, but you spotted his car parked near the entrance. You had the choice to turn back around to lay down at home, but you opened your car door and darted towards the entrance doors of the gym.

The gym was a bit empty, not as empty as last night, but thankfully it wasn’t crowded. You scanned the gym for the sight of Jungkook and you spotted him in the ring again with his coach. You weren’t even sure if seeing him was going to make anything better for you, but you walked towards the ring anyway.

“Oh, Jungkook, your girlfriend.” His coach said out loud.

Jungkook let his stance down and whipped his head around to find you several feet away from the ring. His coach gave him the okay to take a quick break to have a chat with you. He hastily took off his boxing gloves and exited the ring.

“What a nice surprise.” He chuckled. “I’d hug you but I’m all sweaty.”

“No, it’s fine.” You hesitated at first, but followed through with the hug you planned on giving him, ignoring the dampness of his t-shirt.

“Hey,” Jungkook leaned you back a bit and held your face with one hand. “You alright?”

Instantly, you cheeks flared. Wha-wha-what is he doing!

“Sorry,” you panicked and let go. “I’ve just been stressed out since this morning, I guess.”

“Nothing got better?”

“No, worse.” You accidentally blurted out. You had no plans on telling Jungkook about your altercation with Chanyeol especially because he was slightly involved.

Jungkook nodded and stroked your hair. “Have you used a punching bag before?”

“U-Uh, no?”

“Okay, Just wait like ten minutes and I’ll get you set up with a punching bag.” Jungkook gently touched your cheek with his fingers and walked back into the ring.

What the hell is up with today?

↠↞

After patiently waiting for Jungkook to finish up, he assisted you in finding a perfect fit for boxing gloves, he even let you borrow one of his t-shirts from his gym bag so your shirt wouldn’t get sweaty.

At first, you were self conscious; you had no idea what you were doing and plus there were people around. You were going to make a fool out of yourself, but Jungkook encouraged you and promised to beat the shit out of anyone who laughed at you.

“A little too extreme, but okay.”

With each punch you threw, Jungkook praised you and encouraged you to hit harder to let out all of your frustrations. It was difficult, but little by little, you were feeling bits and pieces of relief. Your idea of stress relief was five cups of coffee and netflix, but using the punching bag gave the exact same feeling.

Jungkook taught you how to throw an uppercut, how to block, and even a quick lesson on kicking. You were grateful that he took the time to teach you some of the ropes almost like how you tutored him. It was different, but it was exhilarating.

“Here you go.” Jungkook handed you his blender bottle filled with water and protein powder.

You sparred with the punching bag for about ten to fifteen minutes before you threw in the towel. Now, you were in the same spot as last night, sitting on a parking block near your car.

As soon as you are done making his protein shake, he offered you a sip but you quickly rejected it remembering how gross it tasted last night.

“You’re drinking chocolate grass.” You squirmed.

“Trust me, you’ll get used to it after a while. Come on, just one sip.” Jungkook loomed over you and gestured his blender bottle near your lips.

“Fine, but if I die—” you threatened him with your finger pressed on his chin.

You stared up at him with disgust before taking a quick sip of that god awful protein shake. On the other hand, Jungkook looked satisfied.

“So, what happened today?” Jungkook took the bottle out of your hands and sat beside you, barely leaving an inch of space between you two.

“Uhhh, well,” you started off nervously. “I uh, I got into an argument with Chanyeol.”

Jungkook tilted his head. “Chanyeol? That guy is so quiet, I can’t imagine him getting into an argument with anybody, let alone you.”

You chuckled. “I know, but he was just angry about me not showing up to the meetings. I can’t blame him though.” It felt as if this was the thousandth time you were explaining this, even if the only person you told was Jennie; having to admit it to yourself is what gave it extra numbers.

“I-I’m sorry, y/n. I think that’s my fault.” Jungkook dropped his head.

“No, it’s not your fault, Jungkook. I chose to help tutor you guys, it’s fine.” You boldly shifted your body to rest your head on his shoulder. It was a cold night, so even the littlest body heat felt nice.

It was quiet for a moment and within that moment, you were debating if you wanted to tell him about part two of the argument. He had the right to know, right? At the same time, he wasn’t actually your boyfriend so it technically didn’t matter. But ugh. Why were you feeling so damn guilty?

“Um, there’s more actually.” You said quietly.

“Hm?”

“I think Chanyeol was judging my taste in guys.” You admitted sadly.

“What?” Jungkook adjusted his body and you lifted your head to make eye contact with him.

“Y-Yeah.. he pretty much said I should be dating smarter guys..” Your voice grew softer and slower towards the end of your sentence. “And I’m sorry, but I pretty much stormed out instead of defending you or myself because I was enraged about what he said.”

Jungkook sighed and bit the inside of his cheek. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and rubbed it. “Don’t apologize, y/n.”

“But still…” you lowered your body to rest your head near the crook of his neck.

You felt horrible. The least you could’ve done was defend Jungkook, boyfriend or not, Chanyeol’s words were hurtful. God, you felt like crying. Nothing was going right today.

“Ugh, I want to crawl under a hole!” You exclaimed.

“I’ll join you, then.” Jungkook said and held you closer. “I know I’m not as smart as you are, but I think I’m getting better, thanks to your tutoring and being on my ass about my classes.”

You laughed knowing he was trying to make you feel better.

It got quiet again, but the silence was comforting in a way. You noticed that your friendship with Jungkook was beginning to grow.

In the beginning of high school, you could barely say a word to him. Then junior year rolled around and you saw Jungkook sitting in the corner of the classroom with two of his friends. The first thing Jennie said to you was, “look it’s Jungkook, the guy who put that stupid gum in your hair.”

Nowadays, it was easy to breathe in the same room as Jungkook. Texting and talking to him was always a great time, plus you expanded your group of friends by getting acquainted with his own. It was a wild ride so far, but you were beginning to see the good things flourish from it.

“You know, y/n.” Jungkook started off. “It kind of sounds like Chanyeol is jealous.”

You immediately pulled yourself away from Jungkook. “Oh, please don’t say that because Jennie said the same thing.”

There it was again, the stupid jealousy thing.

“It’s true! I mean think about it, Chanyeol is just as smart as you. He’s pretty much saying ‘hey, you should be dating me instead.’” Jungkook nudged you and chuckled.

You shake your head and facepalmed. The idea of Chanyeol being jealous seemed too out of the ordinary for you and it was even weirder hearing it come from other people.

“You sure have a lot of guys after you, huh?” Jungkook said.

“Guys? After me? Wha--?” You snorted which turned into a full-hearted laugh. “There are no guys, Jungkook.”

“Sure, y/n--hey, you’re going to your team meeting tomorrow right?” He asked, quickly changing the subject. You nodded your head waiting for him to continue. “Would it be alright if I came too? I won’t bother you guys, I’ll just wear some earphones, sit in the back and do my own work. It’ll be like I’m in study hall or something.”

Having Jungkook in the same room as Chanyeol seemed like a risky idea. You were afraid Jungkook was going to say something to keep up his boyfriend-act and more arguments was the last thing you needed. But Jungkook was asking so nicely and being who you were, you couldn’t say no.

↠↞

“Just text me if you need me for anything. I’ll be able to hear my phone vibrate against the desk.” You set out your history and math notebook in front of Jungkook.

“Alright. Just let me know when you guys are going to clean up soon.” He stuffed his earbuds in his ears and winked at you. “Have fun, babe—oh, hey, Chanyeol. Don’t worry. I’ll just be back here.”

You looked over to the side where Chanyeol was grabbing a few papers from the printer. He pressed his lips together and gave Jungkook a small nod.

Could this be any more awkward?

Thankfully, Jungkook remained calm and collected. He kept his nose in the books and checked his phone a few times; he even sent you a few memes, so you had to stifle your laughter whenever he did. However, you could tell there was obvious tension and you were so sure the rest of your teammates could feel it too.

You thought about wanting to apologize or running out of the classroom as soon as the meeting was done, but apologizing seemed like the best choice. Even if you already said it, maybe it would be best to say it again in a more formal matter.

“Y/n, did I do this right? Because if a problem like this shows up during the competition, it’s going to be over for me I know it—I can feel it in my bones.” Eunha buried her face in the crook of her arm as she handed you her paper.

“Let’s see…” you muttered.

Hmm…she got the square root…okay, she remembered to keep the parentheses...hm?

You looked up from the paper and made eye contact with Jungkook who seemed to be in a daze. His elbow was on top of the desk with his chin settled in his palm. Studying for an hour was probably deep-frying his brain, so you shot him a sweet smile to encourage him to keep going for a little while longer.

Jungkook reflected the same smile and went back to scribbling away in his notebook.

“Ugh. You guys are so cute.” Hani whispered.

“Th-Thanks.” You muttered realizing your cheeks were starting to feel warm.

After a few more exercise problems, Chanyeol called the meeting to a close and added that tomorrow’s meeting will be canceled so everyone can catch up on school work or extracurricular activities. You waltzed over to Jungkook and instructed him to put your guys’ things in his car for the time being because you wanted to print out a few articles for the project.

“Okay, I’ll come back though so we can walk together.” He gathered the bags, but left your binder so you could keep the papers nice and tidy.

You scrolled through social media as you waited for the last of the ten pages to be printed out. It was a good thing the printer sat near the door so you could just turn on your heel and walk out when it’s done printing.

“Alright, that’s it. That is the fifth photo of iced coffee I’ve seen—maybe Jungkook won’t mind going to a coffee shop before dropping me off home.” You muttered to yourself.

“Y/n?” Chanyeol approached you, keeping a two-foot distance.

“Y-Yeah?”

He tugged at the end of his sweater and stared at his toes before looking at you. “I’m uh, I’m really sorry for my behavior yesterday. I shouldn’t have said those things. I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately. I guess I’m exhausted as well.”

“It’s okay, Chanyeol.” You smiled, satisfied that he apologized first. “I’m really sorry too—for not attending any of the meetings lately. I’ll do better.”

Chanyeol smiled back at you and you noticed a light pink hue across his cheeks. He reached out and rested his hand on top of your head. “You’re doing fine, y/n. I know you’ll do great during the competition.”

“Y/n? Are my earphones on the desk?”

Jungkook’s voice came from a short distance and Chanyeol retracted his hand back to his side.

“U-Uh, oh! They’re actually on the floor.” Chanyeol stammered and pointed at the red wire sprawled on the tiles.

“Oh shit, thanks, Chanyeol.” Jungkook crouched down and curled up his earphones to stuff them inside his pocket. “Ready?”

You collected your binder and held Jungkook’s hand, lacing your fingers in between the spaces of his own. “Yeah. Bye Chanyeol!”

Before leaving, Jungkook reached out to fist bump Chanyeol who seemed to be standing awkwardly on the side.

You seemed to be in a much better mood, probably because everything seemed to be alright with Chanyeol. Although the idea of him being jealous still hasn’t left your mind, you decided to not dwell on the thought that much.

“Can we go to a coffee shop before dropping me off home? It seems like everyone has an iced coffee and I feel so left out.” You pouted thinking about the creamy taste of an iced hazelnut latte. Cold weather or not, you were always going to choose an iced coffee over anything else.

“Sure. Is your mom home? We can get her a cup of coffee too.” Jungkook offered as he opened the passenger door for you.

“That’s so sweet, Jungkook. Okay.” You smiled at him as he closed the door.

Since you were free tomorrow after school, you thought it would be the best time for you and Jungkook to finally work on the details of the visual aid of the history project. It was shocking how much eager you were to work with him these days compared to when the project was assigned. It probably had to do with the fact that you were spending more time with him or maybe your willingness to act more like a girlfriend. Either way, it was a positive change.

“Oh yeah, there’s no meeting tomorrow so did you want to work on the poster board for our project tomorrow after school? We can work on it at my house if you’re not busy.” You asked, watching Jungkook fasten his seatbelt.

“Yeah, sounds great.”

“Perfect! Okay. We really need to work our asses off tomorrow.” You fist pumped into the air and you caught a glimpse of Jungkook smiling down at you. There was a small feeling of uneasiness in his smile that you couldn’t ignore. Maybe he was tired from studying for so long?

Hmm..

However, now was not the time to overthink anymore negative feelings because for the first time in a while, you felt as if there was a little more life pumped into your veins. You planned to exercise peace and positive vibes from here on out.

What could go wrong?

♡ rae jagi

#bangtan boys #bts #jungkook #bts scenarios #jungkook scenarios #fake relationship au #high school au #bts angst #bts fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #baby kookie #rae writes

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fallenangelsjenniferanddani · 5 years ago

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~~Fallen Angels~~Chapter 4- “LA Here I Come.”

MC: Ellie Wheeler Language, adult, I don’t own their characters. Just borrowing them for our story.

Hi! Welcome! New to our page and want the inside scoop? Click here.

Find Chapter One here- “When the FBI Comes Knocking.”

Find Chapter Two here- “Partners”

Find Chapter Three here- “Crash Course Undercover.”

Chapter 3 Logan’s POV – Bonus Scene

Blast From the Past- letter to logan

💕 Want to follow our page so you don’t miss any new updates? Click here.

Hope you enjoy-Jenn and Dani <3 (( @jlpplays1 + @justdani14 )) :*

~~~

Once we’re finally boarded, Evan directs me to our seat in first class. I raise an eyebrow at him making him chuckle and shrugs as if to say don’t worry about it. Once the plane takes off and most of the passengers turn in for night. I turn to Evan who is setting a brief cases in front of him.

“So you’re ok to split off from your partner to do this? Will Logan and Rebecca be ok?” I ask Evan curiously.

“Oh yea they’ll be fine. Believe me Bec can handle things at the home front for a few days. In fact she’d probably prefer it, to my meddling. And by meddling she means my need for relaxation every once in a while” He says laughing softly.

Turning back to me before whispering, “I know the whole Blake Sterling thing kind of derailed the briefing. So I brought some of the flies with me, in case you wanted to go through them. Logan mentioned your a planner so I thought it would help. If you want.”

I look at him surprised, “That would be great. Thank you Evan.”

“No problem and I’d like to add that Blake doesn’t seem involved. Not his father’s or brother’s shady business.” He says calmly.

“That actually does help.” I say breathing a sigh of relief.

I go over the four different flies as quietly and efficiently as possible. I need to find a way into there little “crew” and it couldn’t hurt to learn as much about them as possible in order to do it.

Graham Warren Sterling, kicked out of every boarding school in the country. Drug peddling were along the complaint but only got a slap on the wrist. Some how not only managed to get into Langston but is two years away from graduating. Has a full time position waiting for him at his father’s office. He’s been “working” part time already for the past few years to learn the family business. The architect firm has practically built the whole city. There’s been whispers of backroom deals, embedding, bribery to get anything from land, to shoddy buildings covered up. Some how a fire that killed a dozen people and injured countless more was deemed an accident. No one got any jail time.

Last year, before I started Langston Maxine Harper and Chloe Preston were the only two not implicated in a drug ring among their friends. Some how they had air tight alibi’s and no one else would talk. So they got off. Maxine goes to the sideshows a lot with Graham but doesn’t seem to race. She does seem to take business meetings with known drug dealers and runners. The only blemish in her wrap sheet is destruction of property, which she did a week of community service for before her mother took office. Now there either better at covering it up or she’s gotten smarter.

Chloe hasn’t gotten so much as a misdemeanor against her record. Which isn’t surprising as her uncle is the commissioner. She’s never seen without either Graham or Maxine though so if anyone knows something it’s her. Doesn’t participate at the side shows either just hangs around. She seems to be her uncle’s and friend’s weak link in their lives of crime.

Blake Sterling is a English literature assistant at Langston. Which i already knew. He doesn’t get along with his father or his business. Still sees his brother on a weekly basis and they seem very close. It’s unknown if he knows anything about his brothers extracurricular activities though.

“So that’s it huh? Get in with their kids and find dirt on the parents?” I say breathing deeply thinking of Blake.

“Yes. There’s a little more to it though. Those three, we want them too.” He says pointing at Blake’s brother Graham as well as two girls. Who I’ve just learned are named Maxine and Chloe. Those are our marks. I’ve seen Graham and Maxine briefly at sideshows. I’ve never spoken to them, nor did I know he was Blake’s brother. We don’t exactly run in the in the same circles.

“Right, and Blake?” I ask scared.

“Like I said he doesn’t seem to be involved.” Evan says smiling at me reassuringly.

Shoulders slumping I say, “Right, but if he is we have to bring him in.”

“Yes...but let’s cross that bridge when we get there.” He says patting my hand.

“Ok.. great.” I say feeling dejected.

“Hey, we’re going to figure this out.” He says smiling.

“Why don’t you distract me. Tell me about yourself.” I say with a small smile. Laughing quietly he says, “Alright what do you want to know?”

“Tell me about your family.” Curiosity shifting my thoughts from the case.

“Well it’s just my mom and me. Always has been. She’s wonderful, can’t get anything past that woman. Worked all her life as a nurse. Would come home after a long day and still help me with my homework.” He says smiling fondly at the memories.

“Is she the reason you went into law enforcement?” I ask smiling at his blissful expression.

“I suppose you could say that. She spent all day helping people and I wanted that in a different way.” Evan chuckles lightly, so not to wake our neighbors.

I chuckle too before asking, “So ex marshal to FBI, big change huh?”

He shrugs nonchalantly, “Yes and no. The law is still the law and I still get to help people.”

“True. Now tell me do you have a special lady or gentleman in your life?”

He busts out laughing before he can muffle it. As we get shushed we both start laughing even harder. Once we calmed down he answers, “Not at the moment no, I’m not opposed to it either. It’s hard in my line of work, finding someone who can handle it. It’s not easy, honestly I’m afraid it’s never going to happen.”

I see a little sadness in his eyes and I reach over to him laying my hand over his. “Evan Shipley, that is never going to happen. Have you seen you? I mean people must fall at your feet constantly. Tell me does it get annoying? Is it hard to walk around without stepping on people?”

“Well someone has to do I suppose.” He says his genuine smile back on his face as he shoves me with his shoulder lightly.

We continue our game for the rest of the flight. I forget about the case and everything else as I dive into the life of Evan Shipley. He tells me about some of his marshal cases, his old partner Samantha and his life in Texas. Once we land, we grab an Uber to our hotel and bid each other good night. Tomorrow the real work starts. If Colt’s here, I know three places he could be. I cross my fingers that Evan and Rebecca’s information on his whereabouts is correct. I need him, we need him.

The next morning I’m awoken at 430 am again. I find a sheepish Evan at my door waiting for me in running gear. I mutely shut the door and change into work out gear. I guess this is my life now.

“Sorry I know it’s early but Bec would kick my ass if we didn’t continue your training.” He says with a fond smile and chuckle.

“She seems like the type too. What’s her deal?” I say curiously as we reach the hotel exit and make our toward the beach.

“With Bec? She takes her job very seriously. We both do but she’s had a lot to prove. Men discount her for being a beautiful woman with an important job. She’s had to deal with it a lot and the best way she know how is to kick their ass.” He says seriously.

“So when you mean kick there ass, you mean both figuratively and metaphorical?” I say smiling finding a kinship with the red head.

“Most definitely! Bec is amazing, in everything she does.” He says smiling gently before clearing his throat staring at the path ahead.

I can’t practically see the cartoon hearts floating around him. I giggle loudly making him look back at me curiously. “It’s just you seem to think very highly of her.”

“Of course I do. She’s my partner, my family, one of my best friends.” He says smiling.

“Right of course. Let’s get this run out of the way.” I say still smiling. I’ve enjoyed getting to know Evan.

“Oh it’s not just a run today. We’re doing weight training too.” He adds laughing taking off in a full on sprint.

Not to be out done in a race. I book it and say, “ Alright cheater lets do this.”

After our run, which I lost much to my annoyance. True to his word, we return to the hotel gym and weight lift. Though the hotel is a little limited, we make do and get a pretty good workout in. By that time the hotel breakfast is open and we get heaping plates of food.

In between bites Evan asks me, “I’ve pretty much told you my whole life story. Don’t you think it’s time you tell me more about yourself?”

“Well, my mom died about ten years ago. It broke my Dad’s heart, it broke both of our hearts. He became more protective, he couldn’t lose anyone else. I don’t blame him, the choices I made were my own. When I met Logan I was looking for freedom and he gave me that. He gave me a thrill I couldn’t find any where else.” I lapse into quiet staring out the window and away from Evan.

“I’m so sorry Ellie.” He says quietly putting his hand over mine.”

I turn back at him giving him a tight smile before saying, “It was a long time ago.”

“I doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less.” He says with softened eyes.

I shrug adding, “It’s ok, let’s talk about something else.”

“Ok tell me about this sideshow we’re going to tonight?” He says shifting in his chair.

“Well it was mine and Logan’s first date sort to speak and I actually meet Colt there too. Too bad I don’t have my car, I could show you a real race.”

“Maybe not your car, but I have a car we can use.” Evan says smiling slyly.

“Are you serious! Oh my God lets go.” I say getting out of my chair.

“Isn’t it a little early for the sideshow?” He says chucking.

“Right...well let’s go get ready and start looking for Colt. Don’t dress like a cop either or no one will talk to us.” I say whispering the word cop, even though the dining room is practically empty.

“Don’t worry I won’t cramp your style.” He says full on laughing now, getting up to join me to our hotel rooms.

After a long shower, I take my time getting ready and picking out the perfect outfit. A white low V-neck tank, short cut off shorts, gold layered necklace and white chucks. I add Logan’s spark plug necklace and a bracelet Colt gave me too at the last second. Evan waits for me in the hallway in black boots, distressed jeans, black T-shirt and aviators.

“Subtle, very subtle.” I say laughing.

“Would you shut up I tried. Logan doesn’t wear shirts that say, I swear I’m not a cop.” He says bumping my shoulder.

“I’m messing with you, you look nice. Just relax your posture a little.” I say looking him over again. He really is very handsome, he looks more like a model then an FBI agent.

We walk to the hotel parking lot to the back. Where a white 2020 Ford GTO is parked making me stop in my tracks, mouth wide open. “How...how?” I mouth incoherently.

“FBI remember. Nothing but the best, I hope it’s up to your standards. I’m told it’s been modified for racing.” He says shrugging.

“Omg are you kidding me right?”

“No and that being said don’t crash it ok, it’s a loan.” He says laughing at my enthusiasm.

I hop in to the drivers seat and Evan hands me the keys before saying, “Show me what you got. Don’t get caught this time, we’re on a time crunch.”

I salute him before starting the car. Omg it’s perfect, there’s NOS installed too. I think I might cry tears of happiness. We make our way to the free way where I weave through traffic going fast and faster. I lose myself in it, I’m free again. We make it to MPC’s old garage and a flood of memories assault me. There isn’t anything here still. I was so sure Colt would try to rebuild it. I think of Kaneko and his sacrifice and I feel tears running down my face. Evan gives me space to look around and get myself together. After a while we walk to the car and drive to the next location. It’s one of Evans FBI leads, only to find nothing. We spend the rest of the day going to every location, only to come up with nothing. At sunset, I drive to the cliff Colt took me to but he’s not there either. There is only one place left to go, the sideshow. He has to be there he has to, I think to myself. Evan and I walk around for a while, things have changed though. Salazar and his goons are gone, even Vaughn is no where to be found. I can’t find anyone I recognize except for the promoter.

I make my way over to her before asking, “Any bike racing today?”

“Not yet maybe later. Do I know you? You seem familiar.” She says looking at me from head to toe.

“Former Mercy Park.” I say standing my ground.

“And him?” She says nodding at Evan.

“He’s with me. I’m looking for Kaneko’s son. Seen him around?”

She looks over at Evan again and me before nodding and saying, “He’s here all the time. You signing up for a race or not?”

“Yea. What’s the fee?” I ask her ready to go into my purse for my racing money.

“Ten grand. The next race is in 5 minutes.” She says smiling at me.

“Fine. Sign me up.” I hand her a wad of cash and walk away.

“You just bet ten grand.” Evan says with a low whistle.

“I didn’t bet it Evan. It’s an investment. Did you see those other cars? They don’t stand a chance. Plus we need to blend in to get more info.” I whisper to him as we walk back to the car, to bring it closer.

Before I know it, Evan and I are strapped in to the car at the starting line. I survey the other racers critically, going over in my head everything I’ve learned. I look at Evan sideways before saying, “It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone riding shot gun. Maybe it’s time I teach you something.” I say smiling at him confidently.

“Kick some ass Ellie. I’ve got your back.” He says chucking smiling confidently back at me.

The car feels like an extension of myself and I zone out. It’s just me and the car. No Evan, no FBI, no case nothing. I drift and use the NOS perfectly, just like I was taught. I was right, that race was a piece of cake. I walk away with 50 grand easy. Ten of which was already mine but still 40 grand win for one race is very good. I feel nervous carrying that much cash and I’m about to tell Evan we should head out and maybe come back. Then I hear him. Just like when I heard Logan’s voice a couple days ago a flood of emotions assault me.

“Well well well if it isn’t the one and only Ellie Wheeler. I hear you’ve been looking for me.” Colt says smirking, before opening his arms to me.

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waywardnerd67 · 5 years ago

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Fast Cars & Bleeding Hearts

Summary: (Y/N) was living her best life. Friends, love and fast cars. Then the one person in the world she never expected to shows up does and throws a wrench into her perfect life. Will she be able to resist what her heart desperately desires, or will she crash and burn. Characters: Charlie (OMC), Jessie (OFC), Kyle (OMC), Joel (OMC), Reader Pairing: Charlie x Reader / Joel x Reader Warnings: Fluff/Angst Word Count: 1826 A/N: A few things about this little one shot. This is all based off a vivid dream I had that I have been thinking about nonstop all day. In my dream the main man looked like Charlie Hunnam (not one of my top celebrity crushes but that is who my brain drummed up). So I used his aesthetic for the board and his name for the character. I am not tagging anyone since this is just for me to try to get this dream off my mind. I am embellishing it for the purpose of good story telling since I have been thinking about it all day. If you like it then awesome, if not I do mind if it gets zero notes as long as I stop thinking about it. Love Nerdy <3

(Y/N) grabbed her bookbag from the side of her desk stuffing her planner and black flats into it. Slipping on her Chucks, she waved to her co-worker in the next cubical as she made her way out the door on a gorgeous fall afternoon. She could not wait to get home and fine tune her beautiful ’72 Chevelle SS for tonight’s race. It was the one night out of the week that she felt more like herself being surrounded by friends and fast cars.

The trip home was quick as she walked inside the large multi-family building her best friend’s family owned. In this building was her two best friends Jessie and Kyle. Next to their unit was (Y/N)’s boyfriend, Joel along with his buddy Corey. Her unit was above his and then an empty unit next to her since Jessie’s friends had found a place nearby. It was nothing for (Y/N)’s apartment door to be open with her friends inside and today was no different as she saw Kyle sitting on her couch.

“How was work hon?” he asked looking over the back of the couch.

(Y/N) flopped down next to him, “Exhausting. People are so ungrateful and mean. One day I’ll find a job I love but for now I’m stuck answering calls from assholes.”

“Well at least now you can go do some real work and make some real money.” (Y/N) looked over at her friend smiling from ear to ear.

“Damn right I can. Hey, speaking of work, did you find a new tenant yet?” she asked getting up walking into her room to change.

Kyle was silent for a moment before he sputtered out, “Uh… y-yeah. Well, um, the new guy will actually be there tonight to meet everyone. So, yeah… hey I’ll see ya downstairs in the garage.”

(Y/N) peeked out from behind her door to see Kyle hurriedly getting up and walking out. She thought that was kind of strange of him but immediately lost all thoughts when she heard her car roar to life behind their building. She quickly put on an old pair of jeans and flannel rolling up the sleeves then slipped back into her Chucks. As she rushed downstairs, (Y/N) nearly knocked Joel over.

“Whoa there baby!” he said chuckling, “Where’s the fire?”

Joel slipped his arms around her waist pulling her in close and kissing her. She sighed happily leaning against him, “Kyle and guys are getting my car ready for tonight. You gonna make it this time?” she asked.

Joel looked down pulling away from her slightly, “Sorry babe. I have to work a double tonight. Text me though to keep me updated.”

She nodded trying not to show her disappointment, “I get it. No worries handsome and I’ll make sure to text you proof of life.”

He smiled leaning down to kiss her again and she made her way to the detached garage behind the building. Her disappointment was washed away when she saw her gorgeous glossy black Chevy shining in the evening light. Kyle was jacking it up while Corey was hovering over the motor. She smiled seeing Kyle’s daughter, Belle, helping him jack the car up into the air.

“Make sure your daddy doesn’t drop my baby.” (Y/N) said as Belle smiled widely at her.

“Got it Auntie (Y/N/N).” she said as Kyle flipped her off.

(Y/N) grabbed a milk crate to stand on next to Corey, “How’s she looking?”

Corey was a computer geek by trade but the only one she ever trusted with the mechanics of her car. He hummed before answering, “She’s looking good. Changing the fluids and a few minor things then she is good to go. Do you know where yet?”

(Y/N) scoffed, “Yeah. Right. Like King would tell us where the race will be before dark. If that ever happens I think I will play the lotto and give up racing.”

Corey laughed, “True. Alright get underneath and let’s change out her oil.”

This was (Y/N)’s favorite part getting down under her car and getting dirty. There was no bigger turn on than the smell of gasoline and car grease. After a couple of hours going over every inch of her Chevelle she went back into her apartment to get cleaned up. When she walked in there was a note pinned to her door.

“Keep your head clear, drive straight and be safe. Love ya babe, J.” she smiled reading it and set it on her kitchen table while she went to take a shower.

Sure enough Sean aka King texted her the location of the race tonight. It was a two hour drive into the country where there would be little chance of getting caught. That meant a major racer was in town and King wanted to see some good matches. Grabbing her lucky black hoodie she held onto the silver chain around her neck holding the only piece she cared about from her past and made her way back down to the garage.

“Where’s Jessie?” she asked only seeing Kyle and Corey loading up everything.

Kyle looked nervous again, “She and the kids are meeting us there. Come on we need to hit the road.”

She climbed into the big pick up truck that pulled her car and trailer with Corey on her left and Kyle on her right. The drive was filled with laughter and headbanging as they blared the music out the open windows. (Y/N) loved nights like tonight with a cold bite to the wind and crisp smell in the air. It reminded her of the good ole days before everything crashed around her.

Pulling up there were already many of the regular drivers and crews apart of King’s group. Most of them driving car half the weight of hers but none more powerful. Once they were parked and unloading, (Y/N) spotted Jessie with Belle and their youngest Rose walking up the main pit area.

She scooped up Rose twirling her around as she giggled, “I missed you Rosie!”

“She missed you too. Sorry we didn’t ride out with you but had to meet the new tenant here to sign the papers.” Jessie said looking anywhere but at (Y/N) and that is when she knew something was up.

“What is going on? Kyle is acting all squirrely and so are you. Who’s the new ten…” her sentence dropped off upon seeing the car driving up the pit road.

(Y/N)’s heart thumped wildly in her chest making it ache. It did not matter how long it had been since she seen that car she would never forget it. She knew it better than her own car and the driver behind the wheel. She looked over to Jessie whose face was bright red and suddenly everything made sense.

“No.” she said as Jessie bit her lip, “Oh hell no.”

(Y/N) handed Rose to Jessie and started to march over to Kyle her fist clenched at her side. Kyle’s eyes went wide when he saw her coming, “Whoa (Y/N), calm down before you…”

Before she knew it her fist was swinging towards Kyle as he dodged it, “You bastard! You knew it was him and didn’t tell me!? How could you?”

“(Y/N), calm down. He called me out of the blue and asked if I knew of a place he could crash at while getting back on his feet. We need the money to keep the building up to snuff so I couldn’t turn him down no matter your past with one another. I-I’m sorry.” He explained as she took a deep, shaky breath.

Turning around she watched as the man she has loved from childhood until the day of her accident got out of the cherry red ’70 Chevelle and started walking towards her. “I can’t do this.” She said walking off to clear her head.

She had been twenty-one, racing to pay her way through college. Charlie had helped her build her car right along his own. Hours of getting greasy and making love in his garage. He was the only man her dad approved of when he saw Charlie working on his car. A few words were exchanged, and her dad smiled at her saying he was a keeper. They grew up together living only a block from one another and in high school they had fallen in love.

That was until the day of her accident. The whole day had been bizarre starting with a classmate trying to pick a fight with her as she walked to home with Jessie. Never once did (Y/N) back down from the girl but she also never laid a finger on her. When she got home, Charlie was waiting for her in her room. He was tall and lean with shaggy blond hair that was usually under a black ball cap. His ocean blue eyes were always shining and his skin always sun-kissed from working on cars outside.

Before a race they always spent time together alone snuggling or talking to just relax. Being with him was as easy as breathing to her but that night he was tense. He asked her not to race but she had played it off as boyfriend nerves. (Y/N) would remember that conversation for the rest of her life since it was the last memory she had before her crash.

“Please sweetheart let’s just stay in tonight. I made enough this month to pay for your tuition. Let’s just lay here all night together.” He said turning on his side looking down at her.

(Y/N) raked her fingers through his thick hair moving it from in front of his crystal eyes, “Pretty boy, I’m not backing out now. Everything is set and it’s the first clear night we’ve had in weeks to race. I promise to be safe and with you there nothing can go wrong.”

His lips pursed before letting out a long sigh, “Alright we’ll go. I don’t know, I just have a bad feeling.”

“Everything will be fine.” She pulled his lips to hers trying to distract him from his thoughts.

Of course everything was not fine. According to all her friends, the car she raced slide sideways clipping the back end of her car sending it flying through the air. (Y/N) remembers nothing of the crash or the next six weeks after. What she did remember was never seeing Charlie when she woke up in the hospital weeks later. Never hearing from him over the next year she was in recovery or the year after that when she started to rebuild her car from the frame up. Nothing for five years until tonight.

“Hey (Y/N).” Charlie’s raspy voice send shivers down her body.

Turning around she found him wearing a black ball cap and hoodie like he always did five years ago. All the resentment and anger melted away as soon as he eyes connected with his blue ones.

“Hi Charlie.”

#not spn #fiction #dream #original work

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triviaggukcore · 6 years ago

Text

her blooming flower | one

prologue / one / two

→summary: you’ve known him since you were just a young girl during his trainee days. He watched you grow into a woman, but he’s always hated you from day one for whatever reason it may be. To you, he thought of you as a nobody. But what you weren’t aware of was a secret that he never wanted you to know.

→pairing: enemy!jungkook x dancer!reader

→word count: 7.6k

→genre: angst, fluff, maybe smut??, some humor

→warning: implied smut

→a/n: hi guys, it’s finally here! I’m so sorry it’s been almost two months! It’s been super hectic from having family over the break and having no time to write. And it became even more hectic as my schedule became packed when coming back to second semester of school. I had theatre rehearsals every day after school until 6pm to prepare for our musical back in January with so much homework and chores to do, and then I was gone with my dance team at Disney World for 4 days which also didn’t give me any time to write, and missing three school days. I had to make up a bunch of work to bring up failing grades which had me super stressed out. Now that it’s February, it’s competition season and this past Saturday was the second contest. I’ve just been constantly tired physically, mentally, and emotionally where I just lost so much motivation to write. But I definitely took time in between my spare time to try the best I could. So thankfully, it is now here and the good news, I have a two week break before last contest. I will say this series will have a bit of slow updates. It just all depends on how packed my schedule is. But most of all, I would like to thank you all for being super patient with me, I really appreciate it sweeties! I would also like to thank @9uk and @stxrrysuga for being wonderful helpers into keeping me motivated and writing just a few small details that’ll help me get going.

Another side note, I’d like to credit and thank @dearmyjimin for granting me permission to use a concept she made on her blog which I was desperate and in such need for this series since I felt like it could absolutely be perfect for the storyline. Once again thank you!! The concept is based on 3J! That is all I have to say as you all should read and find out what it is.

So here it is finally! Chapter one! Enjoy!

It was dawn when you had woken up, your eyes drowsy from the lack of sleep you had been getting the last few days. The constant late nights because of work had kept you up at ungodly hours of the night. You tried to get fewer hours but you knew you needed the money so you stuck with the long hours and your days dragged on, each one seemed longer than the next. You sat up and sighed softly as you climbed out of bed while grabbing your glasses and putting them on. Your mind clouded with thoughts of what was going to take place later today, so you walked over to your desk and took a glimpse of your planner that you created almost a year ago.

Today, at 8am, you have breakfast with your best friend Jess, a contemporary lesson at noon, then lunch at 1pm, and then game night at Taehyung’s, including a no work shift today.

Okay, not so much to do today. Thank God. You grabbed your phone and put some music on shuffle with your mini speaker, then made your way over to the bathroom. You did your daytime skincare routine after doing your business on the toilet. While washing your face, you wondered how could you get this far in life. No, you’re not famous. You thought it would be kind of a scary career. But you still wanted to dance and create amazing pieces for artists for the wish of sharing your work to the world. Plus, you have choreographed for some artists before.

You’re not always booked for appointments with idols, but your schedule does get tight due to the fact that you work. You basically have a job at this cafe in Seoul, and you’re still working at your mom’s studio, hosting classes every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday night. You usually teach contemporary and ballet but you have taught some hip hop classes too, due to the fact that you’ve choreographed for some idols as an example. It’s been requested by many residents who take your classes for you to teach more hip hop. And you might as well take that chance to balance all the styles out.

Looking at your face in the mirror after washing your face, you also thought about how life was for you when you moved to Korea. You missed your friends from back home, but you also love it here too. And you made some decent close friends here too, especially Jess being the closest friend you see literally every day. And of course, you can’t forget the Bangtan boys. You grew close with the boys over the years, they basically became your family. You always had fun with them, whether it was game nights or through video chat. And you have a very special bond with each of the boys, nothing was ever different from how you all acted with each other.

They adore you a lot, and you were like their very own little sister that they look out for. They all found you sweet and sincere, prestigious, intelligent, and super adorable. Well, except Jungkook. He, being the only one who disagrees, finds you as the exact opposite. He’s got one hell of a grudge against you. All because of a damn smoothie you accidentally spilled on him a couple years ago. You find it super confusing and a little dumb that he treats you like shit over that incident. Although, it saddens you too as you took the blame upon yourself, coming up with the many excuses in your head. Maybe he was having a really bad day and you just so happened to ruin it even more. If you were paying a little more attention, you would have caught yourself and not spilled your smoothie on him. Then maybe, just maybe, you could have had a better introduction with each other and become friends.

Jungkook loves to criticize and pick on you. Everyday. That’s no surprise to you. But you don’t usually conduct to anything he does to you, and it made him full of annoyance from how you wouldn’t try defending yourself (more so, argue). But there’s a reason why you don’t. If you ever stood up against Jungkook, you’re sure that he will probably laugh his ass off at your pathetic self. You don’t think you could ever try to face him with defense. It doesn’t work that way for you. Sure, it hurts you. But you find it useless to do so. And being the sweet person you are, you’re not gonna want to come out as some bitch.

No matter how much you respect him and treat him nicely, your presence is what makes him irritated. The man has got a grudge against you.

Sliding out of your pajamas, you threw on a random outfit and then you sat down at your vanity set and decided how you were going to look upon your face and hair. After 30 minutes, you were already putting on a pair of shoes at your front door. You grabbed your bag and car keys, and you were out the door of your apartment. Shortly then, you were on the road.

“Okay, so here are all my ideas for the boys’ next comeback. I’ve been working on this for a couple of days now and I thought I’d share them with you!” Your friend Jess said, dropping a plain journal in front of you next to your plate full of breakfast. You picked up the journal once you set your vanilla latte down and opened the journal, flipping through the ridiculous full pages of notes and ideas followed up for BTS’ comeback.

You gave her a glance, “You are crazy. Are you seriously helping them find new concept ideas? I thought they already figured that out.”

She shrugged, “Not exactly. Besides, they asked for my help so I could have better ideas on what music to produce with Yoongi and Namjoon.”

“A sexy comeback darker than the Love Yourself: Tear and Wings era?” You read aloud, “Sounds kinda…”

“Kinda good right? I think it’s time they now get into that, and besides, they’re all adults now that Jungkook became one.” She mentioned.

“You do know he’s been an adult for a few years now.”

Jess glared at you, “And him being an expert shirt lifter was only the beginning of his little bad boy era.”

The thought of Jungkook and his image only made you feel weird. He grew up drastically and puberty hit him harder than a truck. Instead, it was more like god and the devil worked together to mix cute and hot in their mixing bowl but decided to go with he’s gonna make every person gush in adoration and suddenly they get down on their knees and are thirsty hoes. But, there’s no denying that he really had you gawking at him. After all, you do like the man.

You nodded, “Wow, how logical.” Your sarcasm erupted as you took a sip of your latte. She hummed, “You know it’s true. Anyways, what’s going on for you today? Are you coming to game night?”

“Yeah, I am. I have a contemporary class to teach at noon, then lunch, and then I have a whole day to myself until game night. I think I might do some shopping, maybe go to the book store and read a few novels since my package arrived there. If I have time, I might just work on my poetries.” Yes, you write since you found your love for novels. Thanks to your dad’s career. He’s the best selling author in the country and back in yours.

“Speaking of dance,” Jess started, “Did you hear about 3J Studio?’

Yes, 3J as in J-Hope, Jimin, and Jungkook, the BTS dance line. They built a dance studio for those who want to have exclusive dance lessons with the boys. Millions of people have signed up for classes just so they can stand a chance to be coached by the boys. You were yet excited and definitely going to their first class on Saturday.

You nodded, “I did. Jimin and Hoseok told me about it. I’m really excited about this Saturday.” You smiled. “Me too!” Jess gushed, “Are you planning on attending?” She asked. “Of course! For sure I’m taking Jimin and Hoseok’s class.”

“Oh, but not Jungkook’s?” She raised an eyebrow. You sighed, “I mean, I’m not sure if I want to. I know he’s a great dancer and I’m certain he’s going to be an amazing coach but do you really think I want to feel the awkward tension where his blood literally boils around me? I’m not sure if I even want people to be speculating his hate for me. That’ll just put him at risk.” You fiddled with the thin straw in your latte, stirring it.

“But it’s not like he would ever talk to you in front of his students, would he? He’s an asshole, don’t get me wrong. Yet, I’m pretty sure he’s not an ass to treat you like crap.” Jess stated, “There’s no way he would do that to you in front of many people.”

“I guess you’re right.” You shrugged. The guy always puts you down and even humiliates you, he probably wouldn’t do that in public otherwise it would defame his image. The people wouldn’t even know who you are anyways. You’re only specified as, BTS’ friend, BTS’ music producer, Jess’ friend, Min Yoongi’s wife’s friend. It’s pretty much anything with you labeled as a friend of the band.

“He’s such a dumbass.” Jess shook her head. You looked up at her, “Hey, don’t say that about him. You know that’s not nice.”

She rolled her eyes and glared at you, “Really? Y/N, You’re defending him when all he ever does is bitch at you? He’s one hell of a brat who’s still stuck up on that smoothie mess! He makes me want to shove my foot in his face.”

“But you know he doesn’t have to like me right? Come on, Jess. Besides, the accident was my fault anyway.” You said softly as your eyes wandered somewhere else. “You really like him, don’t you?”

Your head snapped back at her, “Just because I like him doesn’t mean that has to do with what happened in the past.”

“Oh, so defending him and constantly worrying about his health along with your care and support in every accomplishment he achieves doesn’t mean anything to the way you feel about him?” Jess caught you there. “It’s not that I… I don’t know, Jessica.” You sighed, holding your cup firmly with both hands, “I respect him whether he doesn’t like me or not. My feelings don’t matter. He would never feel anything romantic for me. Besides, he has a girlfriend who’s definitely prettier and has a more slammin’ body than me.” You awkwardly locked a piece of your hair behind your ear.

“And this is where I call you stupid.” Jess looked at you, “That girl could never compare. She’s only got a pretty face but not a nice personality. Plus, you’re freaking gorgeous. More than she is. I don’t think you have any idea on that she’s only dating Jungkook for the attention and the fame.” She ate a bite of her egg sandwich, speaking in a mouthful, “The girl is a hooker but Jungkook being his gullible dumbass self believes she loves him for him.

You sighed, “Of course.” He loves her.

“And 5, 6, 7, TILT. Excellent!” You complimented, watching through the mirror as everyone in the studio did a tilt from the floor and rolled into fetus position. “So that whole 8-piece, just remember that it’s very very subtle, not too much energy until after the tilt, which you want to push your legs up and extend them like a whip but as light as a feather. Have grace with the tilt. 5, 6, 7, UP!” You demonstrated by being an example and showing your students the technique.

“She’s good isn’t she?” Jimin said with his arms crossed as he observed your teaching skills and your charismatic moves. “I’m really surprised she declined the trainee offers from the entertainment industries.” Hoseok nodded in agreement. A chuckled then came along, “I’m not.” Jungkook smirked.

“Dude, you’ve been going against every word we say about her.” Hoseok crossed his arms to face Jungkook. “Since day one.” He specifically added. Jungkook narrows his eyes as if he couldn’t comprehend what Hoseok was trying to get at.

But only the blind wouldn’t be able to tell that Jungkook bears a deep, stubborn grudge on you. And his attitude towards you contrasted too much from his members for them to not notice his behavior. It was an issue constantly swept under the carpet to not escalate things given Jungkook’s temper, but the matter has finally rose from dust. “Yeah that’s right, did she do something to offend you or something?” Jimin looks at Jungkook worriedly. The both of them kept going on about the issue of you, pressing Jungkook to the end of wits.

“Yo, if you have seen...another side of her she’s not showing to us,” The three of them slowly spin to watch you conduct the dance class. The smile on your face when you teach, and the way you go about asking every student about their struggles and issues—make Hoseok doubted the words that came out of his mouth. You looked genuinely passionate in this company, and it couldn’t be that you put up an act in front of evil intentions for so long. As long as however many years. Jungkook remains his gaze on you for a while, before his hands are coming up to rip off his hair from his scalp in frustration as he groans. “I-It’s not like that..! It’s just.. just the sight of her irks me!” He knew he sounded like a brat hating on someone as innocent as you for no reason at all. But before he could save himself from further embarrassment, you are strolling towards his triangle of friends with an anticipated look cast on your features.

“What are you guys talking about?” Your voice interrupts his rant. The three men stare at you in expressions you can’t make out—you couldn’t tell what they were thinking. Then the both Hoseok and Jimin shot Jungkook looks.

“Uh…” Jimin darts his gaze back and forth his two friends, before pulling you by the arm away from them. “Come on, let’s get a drink.”

And with that, you and Jimin walked out into the hallway to the studio kitchen where there were a few staff eating lunch. “So are you going to join us this Saturday at our studio?” You took out a bottle full of cold water from the refrigerator when you opened as Jimin leaned on the wall next to him. “Definitely. I’m excited what you guys have in store for your lessons and I’ll be taking them all too.” You took a couple sips from the water. Jimin looked at you with a raised eyebrow, recalling that you are taking ALL the lessons, “And by all, you mean you’re going to participate in Jungkook’s class too?”

You clenched your lips together in awkwardness, “It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t take his but yours and Hoseok’s would it?” You sighed, “And besides, even if he cared, he’ll forget I’m even there. He’s going to have a class filled with people, and his main focus is his students.” Leaning against the counter backward, you always felt awkward talking about him with his members, and it wasn’t because you didn’t want to say the wrong thing at all. His hyungs were always lecturing him about you and never accepted the behavior he acted upon you. They didn’t know what really happened the day of the stupid incident because he never liked to talk about it or else he would have been made fun of or worse. They don’t even know why he’s held a grudge against you for so long. So what is the problem? When will he man up and get over it?

Jimin sighed, “At least you’re not an asshole like him.”

“Truth or dare?” Taehyung looked over at Jess as he popped the question.

“Dare.” She smirked.

After playing Jenga, Uno, checkers, and a whole bunch of other games in Taehyung’s house, everyone, including some of the boys’ girlfriends, are sitting in a circle on the floor with beers and snacks playing truth or dare. And unfortunately, Jungkook’s girl, Yuna couldn’t be there. But you felt relieved and happy about it. She’s just as worse as Jungkook. Pretty yet mean and nasty to you.

“Funny you guys are bickering but since you all ate my jjigae, I haven’t gotten a single bowl of it you hungry ass pigs!” Jin exclaimed just when Taehyung and Jess bickered over who has the best shoes.

“It was some good shit though.” Taehyung’s mouth waters, “I wish I could have more.”

Jin mumbles something under his breath and takes one huge gulp of his beer.

“Okay moving on. Truth or dare, Y/N?” Jimin turns to you. You kept your knees close to your chest, looking down as you weren’t prepared for your answer. You were always unsure and nervous about whatever choice you choose. You could feel everyone’s eyes on you, especially Jungkook with his little smirk.

“Ummm… truth?” You weren’t sure but went with it anyway. “Who was your first kiss?”

And that question almost made you shit yourself, “W-What?” You could feel your eyes widened.

How the hell were you going to tell that you’ve never kissed anyone before without feeling embarrassed?

“I’m sure she doesn’t want to reveal her privacy.” Namjoon noticed the nerves just by the position you were in. You were hugging your knees which were up to your chest. Jess even looked over at you in such worry since she’s the only one who knows you haven’t had the experience.

You gulped and stuttered, pushing up your glasses, “I uh… I actually never kissed anyone before.” You said softly as you looked down.

Taehyung raised his eyebrows in surprise, “What? No way. Seriously?” You looked up at Taehyung and looked at all the other reactions. They seemed just as surprised as him.

“That’s surprising.” Yoongi nodded in agreement. Jungkook rolled his eyes in annoyance, “Not a surprise to me, I mean look at her.” He looked over at you in disgust and you only looked down in shame. You felt so embarrassed and disgusted with your own self with not having any experience with a guy at all.

Jess glared over at him just as her blood was boiling, she could beat his ass at any second now, “Shut the fuck up, you ass. She doesn’t need your nasty opinions.”

Jungkook shrugged, “Like I care.”

“I think it’s great that she’s never kissed anyone, Jungkook.” Nari, Taehyung’s girlfriend, spoke in regards to defending you. Nari is sweet and soft, and even a creative person. She’s a cosmetologist in makeup and is definitely talented in making so many makeup combinations. She’s short and a few years older, around the same age as Taehyung. She has gorgeous glowing honey skin with long black colored curly hair, and lovely blue eyes. She’s just as beautiful as Taehyung and to you, they’re considered the most beautiful couple ever.

“It’s a good thing, stop being an ass Jungkook,” Jimin glared at him. You sat there awkwardly but you gave a little smile at Nari for giving her defense.

“Don’t mind him, Y/N. It’s good that you haven’t had your first kiss. You don’t need one, not even a guy. You’re a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man.” Hoseok, who was sitting beside you, smiled at you with a good rub on your shoulder, “And you are also a beautiful woman.” He added, being sweet and full of sunshine as always. You could feel yourself blush and get shy at his compliment, “Thank you.” You nodded.

Of course, Jungkook shook his head unsatisfied. He knew that you never had a boyfriend. Everyone knew. And he was sure that you weren’t ever going to get one. But what he didn’t know was that you were definitely talking to someone as opposed to be dating soon.

“What do you mean she’s talking to Jonghoon?” He asked Taehyung as he looked at him in disbelief. It was the next morning and the two boys were in the kitchen making themselves some breakfast.

Taehyung glanced over at Jungkook from where he was cutting tofu, “What do you think I mean?”

While sighing, Jungkook bit his lip in question while he shook his head, “You’re kidding me right? He’s a frat! Does she not know that?” Was he actually for real? There’s no way you could be talking to some player. Jonghoon is a friend of Taehyung’s who used to be a trainee at BigHit. He’s damn beautiful and looks like he could be related to Taehyung. Tall, caramel skin, built, an unreal God like face, yet he’s definitely one hell of a man who only hooks up and has one night stands, leaving girls the very next day. Jungkook wasn’t very fond of him because he knows he isn’t the type of guy himself to play around with women.

“Apparently not.” Taehyung shrugged, “I tried telling her that he’s not what she thinks he is, but she didn’t listen.”

“She’s stupid! You could have told Jonghoon to back off! He can’t talk to her! She’s not realizing that fucker could slip his hand in her panties and fuck her! She’s not into those things! She’s not ready and she shouldn’t be anywhere near him” He exclaimed in anger.

“And why all of a sudden are you sounding like you care about Y/N?” Taehyung raised an eyebrow at him, he could sense the protection Jungkook had for you.

“You’re fucking crazy. I don’t give a crap about her. I’m just saying that she shouldn’t be talking to him because he’s not good for her at all.”

Taehyung hummed, but he wasn’t convinced, “Okay, whatever you say. But I can’t forget to add that she’s going on a date with him later this afternoon.” He smirked.

“WHAT?!” Jungkook looked at Taehyung as if his eyes could pop out of his sockets.

“Yeah, you heard me. A date. Where two people who are attracted to each other go and hang out to be romantic and shit like that.” Taehyung kept his little smile, waiting for Jungkook’s major defense mode.

“It’s definitely not an attraction or going to be romantic when really he’s gonna take her home and get in her pants.” He growled and his tongue poked out of his cheek, “She’s not going on that date. I have to go tell her this after I eat breakfast.”

It was around two o’clock in the afternoon and Jungkook took forever to find out where you were going on your date with Jonghoon. Jess could not answer his calls from her being occupied in the studio with Yoongi, Jonghoon wouldn’t tell Taehyung exactly where he was meeting with you, Jimin, Jin, and Namjoon had no idea of you going on a date. That was left with Hoseok who had been stuck in the 3J studio finishing his choreography for his first class tomorrow, had known exactly where you were going to meet Jonghoon. The Lounge Cafe.

It was a twenty minute drive but he didn’t care. He needed to find you and prevent you from hanging out with Jonghoon. When he arrived, the cafe was definitely modernized although that wasn’t the point. His eyes roamed the cafe from sitting in his parked car and that’s where they landed on a familiar girl wearing a cream floral dress, sitting alone outside at a table while reading a book. It was you.

With honesty, Jungkook thought you looked stunning. Maybe because he’s never seen you all dressed up. But your presence somewhat attracted him. His eyes read your look. The way your hair flowed from the light breeze, your adorable wide eyes blinking as you flipped a page, the way your posture is. Undoubtedly yet not realization, Jungkook always had thought you were beautiful without even saying you are. You are just naturally attractive. He wondered what life would have been if you weren’t so irking… or if maybe just things went the right way between you two. Would you two have become friends? Would there have been any feelings of? Well, that’s not that he would know of.

Before his thoughts could go any further to drive him away distractedly, he snapped out of them since he was here for a reason. Jungkook got out of his car, taking his keys, phone, and wallet and slipping them into his sweatpants as his made his way over to you, knowing of the arrangement with Jonghoon. When he reached you, he was already infuriated just as he took a seat in front of you, “Why are you wasting your time?”

You looked up from the page you were reading of your book to find Jungkook sitting right there with an incensed expression on his face. What the hell was he talking about? “Excuse me?” You questioned.

He let out a hollow laugh, “The guy isn’t worth the time, Y/N. Are you blind?” Your eyebrows knitted together in confusion, “You mean Jonghoon? How do you even know him?” Most of all, how did he know about this? Jungkook shook his head, “He is a friend of a friend I have. And he has a reputation Y/N. He doesn’t take too fondly to girls… that aren’t experienced.” His thumbs circled around each other as his fingers were interlocked.

You sighed, “And why do you care? You don’t know if he’s really like that, Jungkook.”

His eyes rolled in exasperation and looked at you, “Look Y/N, I know what I’m saying. I know that douche too well and you are just walking into one of his traps.” He nodded in assurance. “How did you even know about this?” You asked, “First of all, this is my business that you’re barging into. I don’t think he’ll even do such thing to hurt me.”

Jungkook leaned towards you, “He will use you for a bad purpose and break your heart, Y/N.” His voice deepened, “So don’t cry when he leaves you stranded and broken.”

You giggled, not believing him, “Please, he won’t.” You crossed your arms while leaning back on the chair, “And if that doesn’t work out and I end up wrong, then lesson learned. I like him.” You shrugged in yet confidence. Jungkook studied you in distaste with a hum, “You are so blind huh? Not just in sight but in judgment.”

That’s when you just had enough. What rights does he have to be telling you this? You were done kissing his ass, “Judgement? Who are you to tell me this? Why can’t I just like anyone for crying out loud? Are you that surprised at the fact I’m probably going to start dating?” You asked.

Jungkook nodded with no expression, “Obviously yes, as no guy would ever be interested in you anyways.” He shrugged as he sat back. You looked down in distress. It was true, but yet you just had a strong feeling that Jonghoon was actually interested in you, “At least it feels nice when someone is interested in me...” You said quietly.

“As if any guy would.” He said expressionlessly. You have yet nothing to say and he got the message that you were done listening. He got up from his seat as he looked at you with no sympathy, “Don’t blame me if he tears you apart.” And with that, he walked off. You sat there, not knowing what to think. You didn’t want to believe him because you were already over with him being an ass. He couldn’t be telling the truth… right?

The clear skies with shining sun soon faded when dark and grey clouds have flown into them. It would have been much better as a delight to maybe brighten up the day a little and not ruin it for you after what just clearly happened.

Jungkook on the other hand just did not care about what was going on with you and Jonghoon. Or does he because of the guy’s reputation with girls? No, that didn’t matter to him. If Jonghoon did anything to mess with you, then it was your fault for not listening to Jungkook. And he basically told you so. No fucks were given in the end.

At the end of practice at BigHit’s dance studio, Jungkook sat down on the floor with his back against the wall and grabbed his phone. Seeing an odd countless amount of messages from Jess, he was confused. She seemed worried and angry, but why was she?

Jess (4:33pm): Jungkook, idk where you are right now and honestly i don’t care but y/n hasn’t come home and i’m fucking worried.. Like seriously.

Jess(4:33pm): Can you look around and see if you can find her?

Jess(4:36pm): If you don’t, just know your hair won’t make it to the morning :)

Jungkook groaned in annoyance and responded.

Jungkook(5:02pm): Are you serious?? Do I really have to do this? Why can’t you just ask any of the other guys?

Jess(5:07pm): For one, Yoongi is at the studio but he is working on your comeback so he is out of the question. Hoseok is with Family at the moment, Jin is probably asleep, Jimin is out with Taehyung somewhere and Namjoon… I’m not sure where he is but you’re in her area and I need someone asap as my car is out of gas unless I’d be doing this shit my fucking self.

Jungkook(5:08pm) I could just give you money or bring gas to you. I literally have no idea where she is and I am nowhere in any mood to even find her.

Jess(5:12pm): See you’re the last fucking person I want to ask anyway but I need you to do this cause I’m working on something for Mr. Bang and if it’s not finished I am screwed. So just text Namjoon as he was the last one to talk to her after you decided to be an ass before her fucking date. Which I'm tempted to smack you for doing but you’re right about this guy which is why I'm extra worried… so just for my fucking sanity please jungkook. I’ll pay you back in whatever the fuck you ask for, games etc. just do it.

Jungkook(5:14pm): fine, but let this be the last fucking time you ask me to do something with y/n involved. I give no fucks about her or whatever she does with that douche just an FYI.

Jess(5:15pm): you can say that all you want but I know you Jungkook. Just find her, and if that fucker has hurt her tell me so I can plan his fucking funeral.

Jungkook(5:17pm): What is this, you’re not believing me now? In what aspect do you mean by knowing me? As if. But whatever, you can do whatever you want. If she ends up hurt, I’ll tell you. But it’s her fault and I don’t care anyway. She’s a stubborn pain in the ass and is the last person I ever want to put in my car no offense.

Jess(5:18pm): Whatever Jungkook, you act like a douche on purpose but I won’t argue with you as you’re just as hardhead as yoongi. So just find her, I have shit too before Mr. Bang has my head on a pike.

Jungkook(5:19pm): alright fine. I’ll keep you updated if I find her or not.

Jess(5:21pm): Thank you... You really don’t understand how much I am thankful that you are doing this. She is like a daughter to me. So yeah I gtg Mr. Bang is yelling at me now lmao

Jungkook(5:22pm): I mean I guess lol… I’m only doing this for you.

Jess(5:23pm): it won’t only be me in the end, but thanks.

Jungkook(5:23pm): no problem

Jungkook sighed in annoyance and hung up slipped his phone in his pocket. Do I really have to do this? Yes, of course, he does. He’s not that much of an ass to reject doing a favor for someone who needs it. And if Jess is that damn worried about you, then he may as well go out and find you. Jungkook grabbed his backpack and carries it on his back after putting his sweaty towel in and zipping it up. Walking out to his car, he thought to himself, what happens if he doesn’t find you at all?

During the car ride, he went to various places that he could in order to find you. Locations that may seem where you might be based on where you probably like to go. And he even went to the most random places too. He’s driven around everywhere in Seoul basically trying to find just you.

An hour passed and you were not found. Jungkook was in utter anger and stress that he’s wasted on time looking for you. He just wanted to go home badly to rest, and at that point for finding you everywhere, he’s given up. He shook his head and turned his car around to his way home. How was he going to tell Jess that he didn’t find you?

Although it was one question that he was focused on, there was another one that he just couldn’t help but keep thinking about the most. Is she okay?

The thought if it makes him worry a little. And it was odd. Where could you possibly be that you suddenly disappeared all day? Then suddenly while driving down a road, he found someone familiar walking on the sidewalk with their head down. Their outfit just seemed to look too much like what you were wearing earlier. Your figure and the way you walk even caught him off guard. With curiosity and hope, Jungkook slowly drove up close to get a better look of you, and as soon as he was just there, it was suddenly and thankfully you, walking with your head down.

To be sure of it, Jungkook rolled down his window and slowed down next to you, “Y/N?” The familiar voice caught you off guard and caused you to turn. Surprisingly, you found Jungkook in his black luxurious car right next to you. And it was definitely bad that he could see your face full of sadness and regret.

Jungkook, who was ready to pop off his madness and yell at you, studied your face. Your eyes were puffy and watery, your nose was red and cheeks were a peachy color. You had been crying and for some reason, his face softened. It was weird seeing you cry and it didn’t make him feel good inside at all.

“Go ahead, laugh at me.”

Jungkook stood there with trying to keep no expression on his face, but he only blinked, “I… I’m not going to,” he said quietly and he took a deep breath with his chest rising, “Get in, it’s gonna rain soon and Jess is worried sick.”

You shook your head with your arms still locked, and making no eye contact with him, “No thanks, I’m fine.” You turned to walk off in the same direction you were heading. That wasn’t until “Y/N please.” Jungkook watched you walk away. But you just kept walking. You knew you didn’t want to deal with him. But he wasn’t going to let you walk away from him.

“Y/N please stop.” His voice arose and it sounded quite like a demand. But that didn’t stop you from turning around with a pissed look on your face with tears streaming down your cheeks. “And why do you care?” And at that, Jungkook stays silent for a while.

You couldn’t be bothered to turn around to face him properly, for your insides were seething with rage and your heart felt empty to the core. Jungkook was right, he always was. The things he said to your face, how badly he spoke of you, and now this, about the guy who you thought was pretty decent—and something about Jeon Jungkook being right about everything is making your jaw clench in anger as you recall the buried grudge he has for you. Why must he keep meddling in your life? Right now, you wished he just disappeared off the face of earth. That way, your life would be much, much easier. You wouldn’t have to keep caring about your stupid feelings getting hurt and being the constant target and Jungkook’s antics.

And that’s the worst part. Feelings.

You’ve been harboring them for him god knows since when and you are afraid to open up about it to him. There’s this side of you Jungkook always fails to see and you doubt he ever will. Even if he does, it is highly unlikely that he would even care. And that is the question bothering you most as of the moment.

Why did he fucking care?

With your back facing him, you missed how he churns on his inner cheek and doesn’t know where to put his gaze. The rain pattering on the concrete floor didn’t provide him with the answers he needed. He directed the question back to himself and he realized he could not give closure as well.

With a sigh, he spoke, “Because I hate seeing you sad when it’s because of someone else hurting you like no one should or I shouldn’t.”

“I know you’re upset but can you please get in the car for my own good sake to get you home and save you from being sick at least?” Without a word, or looking at him, you walked past him and your shoulders barely touched as you walked to the passenger side of his car. That gave him a slight tingle in himself as he’s rarely been that close to you.

On the way back home, it was pure silence in the thin atmosphere. Jungkook gave glances to you here and there but you never once took a glimpse at him. And your position was obvious. You were sitting with your legs tightly closed and your fingers were brushing against each other as you only looked out the window, keeping your emotions as stable as you could. But it was so difficult to just give in and not cry. Then you realized, how could you be so stupid to not listen to him? He was right. You were angry. Not at Jungkook. But yourself. You felt bitchy. So bitter. Yet it was wrong to be that way to him. Although he has had a big hatred for you, you just can’t ever treat him the same. It just doesn’t work that way for you, which is a big problem. You’re too nice.

“He hurt you didn’t he?” His soft voice snapped you out of your thoughts, that you didn’t even realize he was already parked in front of your apartment. You gazed over at him and by the look on your face, Jungkook felt a little pang in his heart. Eyes puffy and glossy, your nose and cheeks peachy. He has never seen you cry once before, not even has he seen you express a sad or depressing emotion. He’s always seen you smile.

“Yes. And I let him.” Your voice cracked as if it hit the flu. Jungkook clenches his lips as he caught your eyes blink with tiny little tears, “What did he do?” You shook your head, “Just something that I learn my mistake from. It’s nothing-“

“Y/N” He started, “What did he do?” He stared at you with a straight face, almost like a demand. And it wasn’t that he was forcing you. He needed to know.

You sighed quietly as you could feel the slight order from him and you just couldn’t say no to him. “He groped me.” You vocalized in a shaky tone. Jungkook could feel his blood boil fast and kept calm, “Where did he touch you, Y/N?” His voice lowered.

“I c-can’t tell you-“

“If you can’t tell me, then point to where did he touch you.”

You gulped and your heart thumped rapidly, “Um…” You didn’t want any trouble at all and you were so hesitant in just telling him Jonghoon’s attempt to getting in your pants. But Jungkook could tell what he tried to do when you stuttered and look down at your most private area. As soon as you picked your head up at him, your tears were already swimming around your eyes, “H-He-“ you tried to speak but you were cut off by Jungkook’s hand grabbing you and pulling you onto his lap with your legs straddling him, in which you began to let out a breathy cry. His arms engulfed around your fragile figure and he held you tight in his arms, your response with burying your face in his neck with your hands on his hard chest as you sobbed in his neck.

But this was weird. You’re sitting on your enemy’s lap and he’s comforting you. He’s practically holding you in his own arms and you’re letting him. Ye his comfort made you feel safe… and you didn’t want to pull away. You didn’t even dare to. His soothing fingers stroking your hair as his hand rubbed your back slowly but keeping a light grip on you.

Jungkook on the other hand, he didn’t know what in the hell is he doing or what he was thinking. Why is he holding you? Why did he grab you and suddenly felt that he needed to protect you? He was in rage deeply inside and one of these days when he finds Jonghoon, he’ll make sure he doesn’t have his perfectly straight teeth.

You were glued to each other, the steady beat of his heart making you never want to open your eyes. Some nights, you’d lie awake just thinking about what he would say if he ever felt guilty about what he did and here it was. And somehow, it was so much more than what you asked for. But you also were wary. The bigger part of you, though, knew he was being sincere, that he held this crushing guilt over his head over what happened between you two for the past five to six years.

”You don’t deserve this,” he softly spoke up along a sigh, “You’re too special and fragile…” He added.

Wait what? You pulled away from his neck and looked at him, “What?” Your cold soft voice barely could be audible. Jungkook got a better glimpse of you up close—broken and terrified. And it sure damn stabbed his own heart deeply. He locked a piece of your hair behind your ear as he stared at you, “I know I was an ass to you earlier but I know that what I’m about to tell you is what I really mean to say. You’re too unique and wonderful for him. He’s nothing but a scumbag looking for a just a fuck and you don’t need that. You need and will get a guy who will treat you loyally and kindly with all of his love for who you are. Any guy would be lucky to have you, Y/N. Wait for him…the right one will sweep you off your feet.” His thumb rubbed your hip softly and the feeling warmed your skin.

You blinked. Is he really telling you this or are you just dreaming?

He sighed, “Just trust me.” He said softly. Jungkook reached his hand up to your face and wiped your tears gently with his thumb, “You’re so beautiful…” And it was true to him. Being this up close to you, he was able to see your flaws but they resembled how gorgeous you are. You shook your head, you didn’t believe that “I’m not that-“

“Yes, you are.” He cut you off, “Honestly, you’re so attractive and stunning, don’t tell yourself you’re not beautiful when you have seen yourself in the mirror.” He looked into your eyes, deep into them.

And you just didn’t know what else to say because his brown doe eyes caught you off guard. Neither of you could look away and it’s like your eyes were having a never lasting conversation with each other. You could feel your own pupils dilate the more you looked closely into his, and you could have sworn that his eyes looked at your lips then at you. But you also didn’t think he did. And at that moment, it was when you come to the realization of what was going on, causing you to clear your throat, “Um..” you hummed, which had Jungkook probably get the memo too. You looked down awkwardly as your mind was going crazy but you remained calm, “Thanks for the ride… and listening.” You said softly. Jungkook eyes darted elsewhere but you with a blank expression on his face, “Yeah,” he started, “No problem.” He said and he just sat there, his tongue poking out of his.

You slowly got off his lap to the passenger side and got out his car, grabbing your bag as you fixed yourself and closing the door afterward without saying a word. Making your way into your apartment, you didn’t dare to look back. After locking the front door, you leaned your back against it, questioning what just happened.

You almost kissed your enemy.

#jungkook x reader #jeongguk x reader #jungkook imagine #jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook au #BTS jungkook #bts imagine #bts scenarios #enemies to lovers au #bts smut #her blooming flower #hbf

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saucys-fitness-blog · 6 years ago

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A Months Time

As the title states, it has been a month since I started this journey. Today I’ll go over not just the fitness aspects from this month, but other things I’ve been trying to improve upon.

First things first, I told you I would let you know if I worked out Friday. The short answer is no. I was not feeling too well. If I didn’t work from home, I might have called out of work Friday and Saturday. The good news, however, is that I still worked out 3 out of 5 days last week, and I was feeling much better today so I worked out. Look at that sweat!

I’ve also decided I’ll update weight information on Wednesday as that has become my official weight day. So look for the updated weight measurements this week.

Next on the list is something I’ve been curious about since starting; the cost of��groceries per week. So far I’ve been spending on average $100 a week. Some weeks it has been more because I wouldn’t have essential things; this week I needed Matcha Green Tea Mix for something on my planner and it cost me $19 but should last me a while. I also ran out of olive oil and eggs, I’m low on bread which I don’t eat a lot of so I haven’t replaced, and I need a crazy amount of chicken breast every week. In short, grocery shopping is expensive and I don’t make enough money.

Speaking of money, something else I’m doing better with is budgeting. We are planning a trip to Disney World and I want to have enough to enjoy myself while there while also paying my bills on time. The task isn’t too hard but there are other things I want to happen in the next year. I have 2 store credit cards I want to pay off, but that added with the trip saving, and the groceries are cutting into money for anything else. I have subscriptions I can cancel but they are things I use and enjoy. So the hardest part is determining where to skim and what to sacrifice.

Some smaller things I want to change are reading more books, stop biting my nails, sleeping more, and better hair care. While reading more sounds simple it’s not. I read a lot already, however, most of it is fanfiction. I love books but I’ve just taken a liking to reading about characters I already know and love and reading about them in the way that fanfiction makes possible. One thing you can’t find in fanfiction format is self-help type books. So the first book on my list this year is Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin as I want to how I should form better habits. I’m also reading Midnight Crossroad because they canceled the TV show and I want to know how the books end. I can accomplish this goal free with the help of a library so reading more does not increase financial strain. Score!

The other three “smaller” goals are more of a struggle. I haven’t gotten to a point in Better Than Before if there even is one that gives me an idea on how to stop biting my nails. For children, it’s easy for the parent to apply the bitter nail polish and deter the child this way. For me, I have to apply it myself and if I don’t or forget or am lazy, the nails are no longer protected. So I need a better solution. Sleeping more consistently is hard because my best friends live 2 hours in the past. If I want to hang out with them after they come home for work I’m staying up later just to enjoy a few hours of interaction a night. Not to mention that cooking is eating up some of that evening time, but I’ve recently changed the meals to have leftovers so I’m only cooking twice a week. Hopefully, that helps. My hair is a whole story on its own. I’ll leave it to its own post, but I will say I’m told I have 4C hair and I have literally no experience doing anything with it including maintaining it myself.

As you can see, I’ve run into a couple roadblocks this first month, but I’m determined to figure it out. I want to lose weight, have better financial stability, and live a more healthy and happier life. Let me know what you guys think. Where would you make changes? If you’re on your own journey to a better you where have you had bumps in the road and how are you overcoming them?

As always, feedback and suggestions are more than welcome.

Until next time. o/

#1 month #fitnes #fitness journey #fitness journal #Saucys fitness #healthy eating #groceries #shopping #reading #nail biting #obstacles #4chair #hai #hair maintenance #working out #weight loss #personal blog #black hair

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revivedxfighter · 6 years ago

Note

I don’t think you need to worry so much in actually changing your character. You should focus on replying to the threads you have started. You forget about them and seek activity when you don’t carry on with the things you have.

Send in some constructive criticism.

Hello Anon. Thank you for telling me your thoughts. I hope you’ll see this. I didn’t get to answer this sooner and I feel bad for that.

I spent the day thinking about how to come clean. I know I’ve been behind on threads and starters. I’m very sorry about that. There’s a reason why behind it. School and work are only a part of it. I haven’t been completely honest because the main problem is even interfering my classes and projects at work.

I didn’t want to say anything yet because I’m waiting for what the doctor will say. I did some tests a few weeks ago and waiting for what he will say before deciding what are my options for treatment. I’m honestly afraid to say anything and I’ll say why under the cut. It’s kind of a long story, but important to understand what’s going on. I’m sorry if I made you or anyone feel ignored. It’s not that I’m uninterested. Yeah, I’m busy, just not 24/7.

You have the right to know why I haven’t kept up on some things. That’s why I’m going to say it now.

I’ll start from the beginning. Ever since I was little, I knew I was a little different. I always got good grades at school, but I used to be hyperactive. I wouldn’t be able to sit still and had a knack of interrupting people. I tried not to, but I would get in trouble for not being still for very long. I always had trouble concentrating, but I always thought I wasn’t trying hard enough. I always tried to compensate to concentrate. I used to be upset and antsy when I couldn’t stick to the task long enough. My parents thought I was fine. I thought I was too, just a typical bratty kid.

Years went by and as I got older, it got harder to focus or stick to a task. I would get by with planners, lists, and organizing everything as a teen, but when I reached my twenties, not even that helped to stay on top of things. I forget memos, lists I made just an hour prior to needing it, and forget to check my planner or even know where it is. I lose things more often and I’m more forgetful. I get so discouraged over keeping lists and reminders because I would lose them. I try not to. I sometimes lose my keys and wallet without thinking. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about that because it’s not normal to forget them in a short time, and happening so frequently.

Life feels like it’s going a million miles a minute. I always had thoughts clashing and becoming an entangled mess. When I roleplayed on Tumblr, I kept a list of threads and checked it frequently. After two years of that, I forgot I even have these lists and don’t remember where to find them or what I need to reply or delete.

I struggled when I was in school to be a med lab tech. I got so anxious and second guess myself, forgetting to do things, I was barred from getting an internship which was required for a degree. That was 6 years ago. I’m so hard at myself because everyone else was doing so well. I didn’t understand why I was having trouble. People would do diagnostic tests after watching it once, but I needed to see it demonstrated more than once and I couldn’t run more than two tests within a few minutes. I never understood why I struggled and wondered if there was something wrong with me. Like if I was incompetent or mentally incapable to do simple tests. I can’t tell you how many times I cried. I thought I was a failure. A miserable failure.

I kept pushing harder in my new school, that between frequent moving was hard, but I managed. I didn’t have a stable home for several years. I didn’t admit that until many years later because I have too much pride to ask for help with money. There were days when I worked twelve-hour shifts to help feed my family and have just enough gas to go to school that was over an hour away from the reservation I used to live on. I struggled with working, trying to concentrate to give correct change and price checks, forgetting what product is in which aisle. It was awful. I liked the little store I worked in, but it wasn’t the best. I had customers be upset with me for messing up. I did great in my last few years as an undergrad, but then I started to struggle again. Since the spring, reading papers, writing assignments, and completing projects feel like pulling teeth. Nothing I did that help before worked. I struggled a few months ago in Belize. My anxiety was at its worst and I would forget constantly or be focused on something that people in my team would run into me.

I visited my primary doctor after the trip. She took over when my last doctor wasn’t sure why I wasn’t responding to every treatment for my depression and anxiety. For the first time, I was honest. I told my doctor about how my thoughts are, the intrusive thoughts, inability to concentrate. She suspects that I have ADD.

I didn’t think that was a big deal at first. My brother was diagnosed with it as a kid. My dad was never diagnosed but is suspected to have it because he can’t sit still all the time either and has trouble paying attention. My parents didn’t think I have it. It was seen more common in children, particularly boys. Of course, I don’t think ADD even had a name or was as well known in the 90′s. At least, my parents never heard of it until my brother was diagnosed. When I told my parents this, they apologized. My mother even admitted that she felt she messed up for not catching it and get help when I was a kid. They understand it more now and she’s sure one of my sisters has it too because of the similar symptoms. I feel it’s my fault for not insisting that I have ADD. I probably would have got treatment years ago and not lose so many people or messed up so bad in school work and professions. I always wonder if I pushed for it, would things be different?

My doctor thinks my anxiety is feeding off my ADD, making it worse. I take Ritalin for it and it worked for a couple of weeks. Now it doesn’t help much unless I take higher doses, but I end up with terrible headaches.

I went to my school’s counseling center where I met a doctor who ran screenings on disorders like ADD. I’m waiting on him to contact me to see if there’s confirmation. I’ll have more treatment options if it’s confirmed. Right now, they can’t do much for me. At least, that’s what I was told. All I can do is wait and try harder. I still think I’m just being lazy or not trying enough, but I think ADD was the missing piece. The piece of why I seem a little different and why I struggle so much. I just compensated for it growing up but it became harder and more severe over years of being undiagnosed.

I told some of my friends about this, but I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to say anything here. Millions of people have ADD and ADHD. I should get along just fine like that. I don’t know why I feel like I have to fight tooth and nail just to get anything done. I kind of see that as laziness, really. ADD and ADHD happens to girls too, but I feel weird that I was undetected until my mid-twenties.

I’m not admitting this to make anyone feel sorry for me. I don’t want to be treated differently. I don’t want to be seen as someone saying shit to get attention, trying to have an excuse to be on the pedestal or get away from responsibilities. Things like that. I wasn’t sure if I should admit it even if it was confirmed. If it wasn’t, I would feel like I lied to the community and that there’s something truly wrong with me. Like I’m someone who just can’t be helped. I don’t want to live in despair like that. I’m trying so damn hard to hold on to the hope that things will get better and I’ll actually be on top of everything.

It affects writing, which is what I love. I would posts updates as reminders but forget. I forget starters and threads and I hate it so much. I believe I let everyone down and that’s not fair for you. I can’t even manage something like ADD on my own. I don’t have anywhere else to go except student health because I don’t have insurance and I’m not wealthy. This isn’t to shut down all my options. I sought help. All that’s left is waiting and hoping that even if I don’t get the confirmation, I’ll still get help. I’m afraid I’ll be turned away if the counseling center’s doctor rejects the diagnosis. The therapist who did my intake doubts I have it because I’m working on my master’s degree. I’m not sure what to think of that. I didn’t think that was a fair statement. Just because someone does great in school doesn’t mean they didn’t struggle.

I love being here. Roleplay was the only stable thing I had when I lost almost everything years ago. I didn’t know where I would sleep or if I worked enough hours to get dinner. I didn’t have rl friends because I moved so frequently. I didn’t think I had much of a future, but I felt wanted in this community. I was wanted, liked, and became successful here. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to be a disappointment. I don’t want to fail you.

My hope is that my confession won’t turn people away. I hope it wouldn’t make people think I’m an attention seeker lying out of her ass. I don’t want my activity to keep dropping and have fewer people interested in writing with me or like my muse. I’m sorry for being absent and not keeping up. I want to write with you. I want to rp with you, and most of all, I want to be your friend.

I hope this doesn’t change anything. I didn’t want to admit it, but I think I have to. You have the right to know why I haven’t been answering things. I’m busy, but that’s not the main problem, and I’m ashamed of it. I’m ashamed of falling behind and not doing enough to work harder. I would forget what I need to do, forget the reminders, and when I try to work on something, my brain goes into overdrive, and these intrusive thoughts and worries get overwhelming. Sometimes I dread looking at my dash because I see so much activity and I want to be a part of it so bad that I just reblog memes nonstop. Yet I feel I have to keep an eye on my dashboard just in case I got a new DM or updates,

I would think that people don’t like me and if I don’t reblog memes to show I’m active and open for interactions, then people wouldn’t have interest in my muse and leave me behind. My brain is weird. These thoughts would just pop up and they wouldn’t leave me alone no matter how hard I try to ignore them to the point of nearly having a panic attack. They come and go or pop up at random and repeat like a broken record. Like I said, I reached out for help and I’m waiting for an answer. I’m very sorry for letting you guys down.

#Anonymous #Anon #answered #ooc #thank you

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imaginarybird · 7 years ago

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Unwilling and unable to face everyone on her own when it comes time to attend Auggie and Ava’s wedding, Riley Matthews hires a solution in Lucas Friar. Loosely based on The Wedding Date.

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four

Rating: Around a PG 13/14

Notes: As always, thanks to everyone who has read, reblogged, commented, liked…whatever you’ve done to support the fic. It means the world to me. And just a reminder, I’m more than happy to chat about this or any of my other fics if you pop into my inbox.

In this chapter, Lucas gets his introductions to Topanga. And Maya. And then he and Riley do some sharing.

“It’s lovely to meet you Lucas.” Riley’s mother is the picture of poise as she smiles and shakes his outstretched hand--warm and not at all what he’s expecting after making the rounds in the dining room. “It’s always nice when Riley actually gives us a peek into what her life is like now.”

The barb, presented behind the veneer of courteous small talk lands just as intended; Riley’s grip on his hand tightens and out of the corner of his eye, Lucas sees the edges of her smile draw in.

That’s more like it.

Meeting the rest of the Matthews family, from her grandparents on her dad’s side to her aunts and uncles and their families (most of the Matthews family now live scattered across the country according to Riley, and are using the destination wedding as a vacation and quasi-reunion) has thus far been a mixed bag of awkwardness, passive-aggressive needling towards Riley and suspicion aimed in his direction. They’d just been running out of small talk to go over with the only surrogate uncle invited to the full family experience, Shawn, when Topanga and Maya had returned to the dining room. Maya had gone back to her husband upon entrance but Topanga had zeroed in on and them to greet Riley and receive her introduction. So far, Topanga only checks off the box of passive-aggressiveness, leaving Lucas curious. Of all Riley’s blood relatives in the room, only Auggie and Riley’s Uncle Eric had been genuinely at ease and warm with her (and him), but Topanga would come across as such to anyone not paying close attention.

Is her relationship with Riley not as far gone, Lucas wonders, or is she just better at hiding what’s wrong?

He instinctively leans towards the latter option; when she’s not flustered Riley has a mask that could fool almost anyone. She had to have gotten that skill from someone.

“I’m just glad I was able to get the time off to come out with her.” Lucas says. “Riley has become so important to me over these last few months and I really want to meet everyone who’s important to her.” The comment is a bit cheesy, he knows, but most of the time when he throws it at parents of his clients, they eat it right up, and he figures it makes for a pretty decent litmus test. How Topanga reads the implication could give away a bit more about where she stands with Riley.

“And yet you’re here.” Topanga swoops her head in a single nod. Her smile doesn’t falter, but her voice is just a pitch too bright. “Riley must not talk to you very much about us.”

“No, but she paints a picture.” Lucas drops Riley’s hand in favor of wrapping his arm across her shoulders and bringing her a bit closer. She stretches an arm around his waist in return.

“I’m sure she does.” Topanga’s eyes narrow, ever-so-slightly. Her attention quickly focuses on her daughter. “Riley, you and I will have to have a lunch while you’re here, just the two of us. I feel like there’s a lot we need to catch up on.”

“Sure.” Riley nods, pressing her lips together. Her eyes go just about everywhere except for her mom’s. “I mean, if there’s time.”

Topanga scoffs. “I’m sorry, are you really not going to make time for your mother?”

It’s the first crack in Topanga’s perfectly pleasant facade, Lucas notes. Her eyes flash and her voice gets louder...more strident. Meanwhile, Riley seems to shrink back, even without moving an inch.

“That’s not what I--,”

Topanga cuts Riley off. “We haven’t even been on the same coast of the country in over a year and you barely call twice a month, which I graciously forgive because I know how hard you have to work as a young woman who’s the low man on the totem pole, but now you’re here on vacation and you still can’t carve an hour out of your busy schedule to catch up with me. Are you really that--,”

“I think she just meant that we’re here for Auggie and Ava’s wedding, ma’am.” Lucas steps in before Topanga’s words can get too hurtful, a path they are obviously starting to barrel down. He doesn’t bother trying to tamp down his displeasure or hide it in any way; bonding so quickly with Riley is going to be problematic, particularly when he’s usually so capable of not feeling anything real for his clients) but right now he’s not going to complain that it’s making his job fairly effortless. The protective ire that bubbles up in his chest at Topanga’s practical emotional bullying of Riley is exactly what a caring boyfriend needs. “And as a member of the wedding party, Riley’s schedule has pretty much been planned out down to the second. However, I’m sure if anything changes, you’ll be Riley’s first priority.” Unlikely, but he can’t afford to alienate Topanga entirely.

Topanga’s mouth is opened, poised to deliver what promises to be a diatribe of a rebuttal when a soft, repeated clinking cuts through the chatter of the room.

Ava’s at the head of the dining table, water glass and fork in hand. “Thank you. Everyone is finally here, so if you could all take your seats by the appropriate place cards, we can get the meal underway.

Lucas takes the moment of distraction to gently pull Riley away to the table. A cowardly move? Possibly. It’s obvious that several members of intimidated by her, even afraid of her though aside from her crafty ability to disguise guilt trips and condescension as part of her perfect mom and super woman thing, Lucas has yet to see a compelling reason why. But he also doesn’t want to cause a scene and draw attention, something that could easily happen if he and Riley stay in this conversation, and he’s fairly certain that they won’t be seated anywhere near the elder Matthews’.

Lucas’ second priority is to get Riley’s train of thought away from Topanga; part of having him as her boyfriend for the week should be that she gets to relax and impress her family and former friends--be every ounce of the warm and bubbly personality being stifled beneath her yearning to please the people that by his count, aren’t interested in being please. “I thought this was an informal dinner…” He leans down slightly to comment in Riley’s ear as they walk. “Is she serious about place cards?”

“Ava doesn’t joke about parties she’s involved with.” Riley answers him. As she continues to talk the stiffness slowly bleeds from her posture. “She’s a planner. Very detail-oriented. She has a Pinterest board about how to make the perfect Pinterest Board.”

“So I should double check that my suit and tie won’t clash with the wedding colors?”

“If you don’t want to be barred from entry to the ceremony, I would.”

The meal starts well enough. They’re sitting closest to Riley’s Uncle Eric, a Senator who Lucas recognizes from the news and myriad appearances on late night talk shows (though he never would have made the connection to Riley without the introduction) and his wife, Linda. Riley’s relationship with Eric seems quite normal and even affectionate compared to the rest of her family, it’s easy enough for the foursome to hold a conversation--Riley and Eric giving each other updates on the goings-on in their lives with Lucas and Linda occasionally interjecting-- and block out the rest of the room. By the time salad comes out, Riley appears to have put the encounters with her parents at the back of her mind and is starting to enjoy herself, laughing as Eric recounts a dating mishap he and Linda had back in high school, the first time they had gotten together.

Riley doesn’t even falter when Linda smiles sweetly and comments, “So Riley, Eric didn’t know very much at all when I asked him about you and Lucas and you’re so sweet together… I am dying for details. How did you two meet?”

After all, Lucas thinks, this is a story that they came up with together. They’ve practiced telling it and Riley is comfortable so she answers without pause. “At the hospital. I was at the main desk working on my charts and Lucas had just brought in a coworker of his that had gotten sick during their shift together.”

“And I’m trying to help him fill out his paperwork,” Lucas cuts in, angling his glance towards Riley occasionally as he speaks, “but I keep getting distracted by this beautiful nurse with a stuffed bunny rabbit around her neck.”

“My stethoscope cover.” Riley rolls her eyes. She leans to the side as she giggles, her shoulder bumping his and Lucas is impressed; he hadn’t been sure that she’d be at ease enough--with him or the situation--to forget about the play-acting element of the week let their interactions happen naturally as they would with most couples but she’s surprising him the more the evening goes on by starting to show a bit more of herself. “And you were way more distracted by that...I don’t think you even noticed my face.”

“Oh I noticed you too, but I had never seen one of those before.”

“Because they’re for pediatric patients. Anyway,” Riley continues after their shared look, “I’m working away and he’s ogling my rabbit--,”

“Which is not something I approve of my niece’s suitors doing in public.” Eric interjects.

Riley flushes brightly, but doesn’t stop talking. “We’re both doing our thing and this guy comes up--the boyfriend of a patient I’d been working with earlier--and he’s upset, asking all these questions about his girlfriend that I can’t answer. I’m not allowed to, but that’s not the response he’s looking for. He gets really mad and he grabs my shoulders and starts shaking me. Lucky for me, Lucas was there.”

“I just wanted to get the guy off of her.” Lucas clarifies. “He was a kid, but he was huge, and I didn’t see security anywhere so someone had to do something.”

“Oh my gosh, so you stepped in and saved her?” Linda’s rapt expression melts into a smile. “Oh Riley, no wonder you fell for him.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say it was instant or anything...” Riley giggles and nearly stammers. It’s the first part of their story that reads like a bit of a lie, which Lucas finds interesting. It’s almost like she’s defending herself against the claim of falling for him though he can’t imagine why. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with the scenario they’ve concocted it’s not unusual at all for a person to become attracted to someone who does something like intervene is they’re being threatened. Whatever the initial spark of attraction to someone is caused by, it doesn’t make the subsequent relationship less real. Not as long as you build a solid foundation on top of it. “I still had to get to know him.”

“Still…” Linda gushes. “What a way to meet. And you’ve been dating ever since?”

“It was three months last week.” Lucas nods. He lays a hand on top of Riley’s, brushing his thumb across her knuckles and causing her to glance over at him. There’s a brief flash of the same uncertain, deer-in-the-headlights look the gesture had caused on the plane in her eyes, but just as quickly it retreats, making way for her small, bashful smile to return.

Her really adorable, bashful smile.

The really adorable, bashful smile he finds himself returning and wanting to see more of.

Lucas has to tear his gaze away when Eric starts to speak.

“Three months in, a week-long trip to meet the family...sounds pretty serious.” Eric peers pointedly over the glass he has raised near his mouth. “Riley never introduces us to her boyfriends so for her to bring you here to face the entire firing squad...she must think you’re something special. Maybe the next wedding we get together for will be for you two.”

“Eric!” Linda and Riley admonish him in unison, while across and a little farther down the table, a blonde groans and rolls her eyes.

“Oh please.”

Eric loses some of his convivial nature at the muttered comment and lifts his chin at the woman. “Something you want to add to the conversation, Maya?” The edge in his voice is unmistakable; Eric is not his sister-in-law’s biggest fan, and Lucas wonders why.

Across the evening he’s gotten the feeling that Maya plays a role in the story of Riley’s estrangement from most of her family--she just hasn’t featured in the snippets that Riley has given him. But the mention of her is enough to cause an increase in tension, and despite the fact that she’s Riley’s age and her aunt by marriage, there had been no attempt to greet her thus far; if anything Maya had seemed to deliberately avoid being near Riley until they had taken their somewhat adjacent seats at the table.

The blonde seems to get along with everyone else and fit in well with the rest Matthews’ family, so there has to be something causing the unease and disquiet. Unless it’s just the fact that Riley doesn’t get seem to fit in well with them, but that seems unlikely. They’re all adults after all.

“I just think it’s hilarious that you think Riley and this...Norman Rockwell rip-off are gonna get anywhere near marriage.” Maya says, stabbing at a cherry tomato in her salad with her fork. “We all know Riley doesn’t do the relationship thing anymore. And even when she did it was not with guys like him.” She pops the tomato in her mouth, and talks around it. “It’ll be a miracle if they make it to six months, let alone to an engagement or a wedding.”

Josh, who Lucas has only interacted with enough to form the opinion that he hero worships Cory and worships his wife, leans over to quietly chastise her at the same time that Riley shrinks back in her chair.

“Guys like me?” Lucas asks. He’s careful to leave his tone friendly enough and a smile on his face but he nearly squares his jaw just the same; he can’t see how Maya’s comment is meant to be anything but a jab at Riley, even if she wasn’t directing it towards her. He has to reach for her hand again when Riley tries to pull away.

The table starts to hush as the conversation continues, everyone else catching on that something more interesting than general family catch-up is happening.

“You’re crazy hot.” Maya blinks, like she can’t figure out what he doesn’t get. “Like, stupid hot.”

“So?”

“Riley has a type and you’re not it.” Maya shrugs. “She’s never dated anyone like you.”

“That’s funny,” Auggie comments from a few more seats down the table, levelling a sharp stare at Maya, “I don’t remember you having any complaints about who she chose to date when you were in high school.”

That’s it, Lucas realizes. That’s where the story is. He should have known. It always goes back to high school

He knows that the secret to the story lies in Auggie’s words because Cory and Topanga both immediately start demanding that he apologize to Maya, and most everyone else seems to be caught up between joining in on the fight that brews when Auggie refuses and making sure that Maya’s OK. Meanwhile after a few moments of this building voluminous explosion where her name gets thrown around more than once, Riley, face burning bright pink and eyes shining with tears pushes away from the table and rushes out of the dining room.

Lucas is the only one to notice.

He doesn’t understand the situation--doesn’t understand what a girl like Riley who seems to be so soft and caring and full of exuberance could have done to have such a polarizing effect on her family--and the more he watches the Matthews, the less sure he is that he needs to; it’s not his job to fix them anyway and Riley never asked him to. She asked him to be her companion for the week and make everyone think that they’re a couple.

With all of that in mind, no horse in the game, and starting to give in to his distaste for the Matthews and the way they treat Riley, Lucas stands and walks out of the room without a word.

After a detour through the kitchen where he snags something they can eat (as the meal hadn’t really been underway when they had left) Lucas finds Riley sitting out on their room’s balcony, staring out at the beach with her knees pulled to her chest. He observes the situation for a brief moment (she’s not crying as he was sort of expecting), and raps his knuckles twice on the doorframe.

“You want to talk about it?”

Riley doesn’t turn to look at him when she answers. “No.” The one syllable tells Lucas everything he needs to know. It’s dull and wet; she’s swallowing it all down, something she’s obviously used to doing. For every snide comment, dirty look, or outright attack she had faced from her family, not once had she been the one to fight back, not in any meaningful way. She made a few token attempts to defend her current life, but otherwise took everything they had to throw at her in shrinking subservience.

When did she learn that? Lucas wonders, though he shakes his head as soon as the thought emerges. If the family’s conflict isn’t his problem than neither is the history of Riley’s behavior. Diving too deep into that rabbit hole is just another way of getting too close and becoming attached, and there’s no room for that in a business arrangement like theirs.

“Do you want to be alone?”

“Not really.”

Again, not what he expects. But Lucas complies, and steps out onto the balcony, taking a seat next to Riley on the small bench seat. After a brief moment of sitting in the thick silence, contemplating his next move since she doesn’t want to talk about what just happened, Lucas presents his (slightly stolen) plate of food. “Do you want cake?”

This at least gets her to turn and look at him.

Riley’s eyes go from his, to the plate he’s holding with a genuinely massive slice of cake and two forks on it, back to his eyes. “Why do you have cake?” The corners of her mouth twitch up, though the expression doesn’t grow further.

“I wanted to make sure you got something to eat.” Lucas replies, grabbing one of the forks and holding it out for her to take. “But the most portable options were either the basket of dinner rolls or...cake. And I thought given the choice…”

“Yeah, cake is good.” Riley nods, taking the fork.

Lucas watches as she cuts into the cake with gusto, taking one large mouthful of red velvet, and then a second. After a moment, he joins her using the second fork, and although the dessert is a bit sweet on his largely empty stomach, it’s moist and rich and exactly the sort of thing he likes to eat when he’s treating himself. Judging by Riley’s reaction, she feels the same way and they eat in the relative silence of the crashing waves for a couple of minutes before Lucas decides that they’re settled enough and comfortable enough that he won’t be overstepping to speak.

“I grew up in Texas,” he begins, feeling more than a little awkward. This isn’t a conversation he normally has with his clients; it’s not a conversation he normally has with anyone although his business partner knows most of it. “In this little tucked away pocket of a town near Austin where everything just felt so backwards and stuck in time compared to the city. A small town like that… everyone knows everyone and everyone knows everyone’s business… Appearance and what people see you do is everything. And my family owns the biggest ranch in the town so we’re kind of at the center of that microscope.”

“Sounds like a nightmare.”

“It...wasn’t great.” Lucas confirms. “I had a family legacy to live up to and as much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t do it. And the whole town knew.”

“Is that why you left?”

“One of many reasons.” He waits a moment to see if she’ll say anything else and when she doesn’t, he continues with his story. “When I was five, my dad entered me into my first mutton busting tournament.”

“Mutton busting…?” Riley quirks an eyebrow.

“It’s like a rodeo except instead of adults it’s little kids, and instead of riding bulls you ride sheep.”

Riley smiles as the explanation sinks in. “So...the most adorable miniature version of a sport ever.”

“You don’t really see it as adorable when you’re trying to be the very best and uphold the family name.” Lucas says. “Then it’s just…”

“Impossible to focus on anything other than the anvil of pressure that your family is laying across your shoulders?” Riley fills in, lowering her fork back down to the plate.

Lucas doesn’t respond to Riley’s explanation directly, although he’s not surprised that she has such an innate understanding of the situation even without many details; it’s becoming increasingly evident to him that although their actual experiences have been different, their situations are actually quite similar. “If a Friar was entered in the tournament, they always made the strongest showing. My dad, my uncle, Pappy Joe, his dad… mutton busting is a rite of passage in the town and the first step to upholding the Friar family legacy. And I wanted to do it. I thought I was ready. I trained hard as a five-year-old could, watched videos of other tournaments… I was ready to be the best damn mutton-buster they’d ever seen. Then the tournament came and I drew Judy the Sheep as my ride.

“And I know what you’re thinking,” he continues. “With a name like Judy, she had to be an easy one, right? Just a cute little innocent fluffball.”

“I’m guessing not.”

“Judy,” the name still nearly sends a shiver down his spine, “was an unhinged and violent sheep disguised as an innocent fluffball, who bucked me off within two seconds.”

Riley’s hand is on his before the explanation is even complete. “That must have been awful…”

“Just like that I was the laughing stock of the town.” Lucas confirms. “A failure. And Friars can’t be failures. After that it didn’t matter what I did… all anyone ever saw was the kid who fell off Judy.”

“I think disappointing people unlocks their memory banks.” Riley sighs. She takes her hand back and starts playing with the hem of her skirt. “You do something that doesn’t meet their standards and it’s like they’ve got an infinite loop of every mistake you’ve ever made playing in their brains.”

Lucas still can’t wrap his head around what Riley could have done to disappoint anyone. She’s a successful nurse, so it can’t be that they disapprove of her career, and personality-wise… she’s got a family that uses every opportunity to remind her that she doesn’t fit in and that they don’t think she’s trying hard enough and she doesn’t ever seem to fight back or get mad or really try to defend herself. She just keeps playing nice. If that’s their idea of a personality flaw…

Lucas considers himself to be very good at reading people and an excellent judge of character but this not something he can figure out how to understand without a lot more help.

He leans forward and rests the remaining cake on the small table in front of them. “I spent years trying to make them see past all that. Swallowed every piece of myself that they didn’t like to try and fit in... turned into the worst possible version of myself and it still didn’t change a thing.”

“And that’s why you left.” Riley fills in.

“Same reason you did, I’m guessing.”

“Yeah.” She shifts in her seat, looking askance. “Only I get the feeling you don’t go back anymore. And that you think I’m pretty stupid because I do.”

Lucas half-nods, half-shakes his head. “No, I don’t. On both counts.” He tacks on, nudging her shoulder with his. “We’re two different people, Riley. Leading two different lives. My solution isn’t necessarily yours.”

“I just… don’t know how to stop caring about them. They’re my family.”

“That’s the thing. I never stopped caring about them. I just started caring about myself more.”

They sit and talk for several more hours until long after the sun drops down below the horizon. Riley doesn’t share the history of what happened with her parents, but she tells him how a summer internship with her Uncle Eric while he was working on healthcare reform led to her choosing to study nursing. They finish the cake and talk about movies and music and when a slip of the tongue reveals his secret love for Cuddle Bunnies, they spend a good chunk of time talking about their favorite characters and which episodes they go back to watch when they’re having a bad day.

It’s the most open and relaxed he’s ever been with a client and Lucas isn’t sure how to feel about that. He’s always kept boundaries in place for a reason --things just get messy when you get too involved and at the end of the day this is his business. His livelihood. But it’s just so easy to blur the lines with Riley and forget that at the end of the day, she’s just another customer.

They talk right up until they’re both yawning so much that they aren’t even getting full sentences out, and at that point he urges Riley inside to get ready for bed.

Bed. Which they still haven’t discussed and definitely don’t have a plan for.

Given the day they’ve had and Riley’s obvious lack of comfort earlier, Lucas thinks the smart thing to do and the only real options is to go with his original default plan. When he sees Riley go into the bathroom with a bundle of clothes and close the door behind her, he ducks back into the room and grabs a pillow from the bed. From there, Lucas sets to work turning the small sofa into something more comfortable for sleeping.

He does that, changes into some sweatpants (and after a small amount of mental debate leaves his undershirt on though he would usually sleep without it) and is just about to consider settling in when Riley comes out of the bathroom.

She’s got light purple short set pajamas on and her hair in a side-swept braid across her shoulder and Lucas feels his mouth go dry. Then she looks at what he’s doing and crinkles her nose in a confused frown and he nearly falls back onto the seat.

He is in so much trouble.

“Why does it look like you’re planning on sleeping on the sofa?” She asks.

She’s just a client. Part of a business transaction, nothing more. Don’t go falling for something you can’t have, Lucas. It’ll only be you that gets hurt.

After giving himself the mental pep talk, Lucas coughs once into his hand and answers, feeling slightly re-secured in the nature of their relationship. “I thought you might be more comfortable if you had the bed to yourself.”

“Oh.” The syllable falls from her mouth and she glances at the floor. “Won’t you be uncomfortable? It’s just that...you’re so tall and that couch is pretty short, and I wouldn’t feel right about that. If we’re gonna do this, I should be the one on the couch.”

There are many different parts of him that won’t stand for that. “What? No. Riley, that’s ridiculous. This is your trip, your family, you’re the one who needs to get the best night’s sleep possible and you’re the one in charge, so you need to take the bed.”

“If I’m the one in charge, then I can insist that you take the bed.” Riley argues. “I’m already making you put up with my family for a week, I’m not gonna make you put up with back pain from a poor sleeping surface on top of that.”

“You’re not making me do anything, you’re paying me.” Lucas counters. He nearly frowns when he sees something flash in Riley’s eyes but continues his piece of the debate. “And I’ve told you before, that as long as it’s not illegal I’ll do pretty much anything for a client.”

Riley squares her shoulders and crosses her arms over her chest. “Then what if I said I wanted to share the bed with you?”

“Then we’d share the bed, but I don’t think that’s something that’s really--,”

“I want to share the bed.” Riley nearly stammers when she makes the assertion but she makes it all the same.

“Riley…”

“I want to share the bed.” She repeats, a little firmer this time. “We’re both adults. I’ve shared a bed before and I’m sure you have too. You said nothing would ever happen without my permission and I trust you. There’s no reason we both can’t be comfortable tonight.”

He sighs, mentally adding ‘stubborn’ to the list of traits he can confirm about her. “I can agree with all of that, but I just don’t agree that you’ll be comfortable. You’re still adjusting to holding my hand.”

“And if everyone’s really going to believe that we’re together then I have to be more comfortable with touching you. All of you.” She blushes and turns away in a rush to continue talking, pulling back the sheets. “Consider sharing a bed immersion therapy. It’ll be fine.”

Lucas kind of doubts that, but there’s only so many ways he can make the argument. Riley doesn’t appear ready to back down, and they need to get some sleep to face the day tomorrow; in many ways, it could end up worse than today was, given how the dinner had ended. If she’s gonna insist on sharing the bed, he figures he either has to do it, or go for a walk, come back when she’s asleep and take the couch anyways. And quite frankly, he’s tired enough that he doesn’t want to go for a walk. “All right. We’ll share the bed.”

As they both get into the bed, Riley’s bravado fades a little bit and they share several glances where her nerves are more evident, and Lucas thinks about offering the couch one last time but she doesn’t say anything and before he can, she turns the light out.

Comfortable where he is (he really has been able to sleep pretty much anywhere) Lucas closes his eyes, but he doesn’t get anywhere near falling asleep. For the next several minutes Riley is finding a position staying there for a little bit and then shifting, and it’s all too much movement within their shared space for him to relax and fall asleep.

Finally, she lies flat on her back and sighs. “Lucas?” She whispers.

Figuring this is the moment where she gives up and asks him to move, Lucas starts to sit up. “Yeah?”

“I was...it was nice out on the deck when we were talking. Could you…?”

Oh. Lucas lowers himself back down onto the bed, and takes a moment to think. “You know how I told your dad I’m putting myself through vet school? That was true. I’m gonna be a veterinarian someday.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. One day when I was in the sixth grade I was home alone after school and I went to the barn to hang out with the horses, and one of my favorites, Sofia, she started foaling…”

#rucas #rucas fanfic #riley matthews #lucas friar #gmw #fanfiction #au #fic: Cold Cape Cod Clams

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