#And then the thing that REALLY got me was when Forever talked to Chayanne and Tallulah privately

[royalarchivist]

It's been six months since Forever called Phil "Philza senpai" and got a (virtual) kiss.

[ramons-elevator]

*SLAMS HANDS ON DESK*

FUCKING PHILS POV

Everything about his POV was bone chilling holy shit. Also fucking shoutout to the admins for picking Chayanne and Tallulah bc that was a really smart move.

For some context for those who arent Philza watchers:

Tallulah and Chayanne obey Phil. Yes they can be divas sometimes and be dumb and silly, but they arent like their siblings like Dapper and Richas who will just be dramatic and do dumb and dangerous stuff when their parents dont feel 100% okay with it. They will throw a fit but still be respectful of Phil’s word.

Phil said multiple times to them, especially Tallulah, to not go to the dinner no matter what. That as soon as it hits 2pm PST, they get tucked into bed and they can wake up after if they want. Chay and Lullah both agreed bc they both fear dying. Tallulah wants to see her dad and Chayanne knows how hard his dad works to make sure they are safe.

Let me fucking tell you how creepy it was seeing Tallulah walk into the dinner.

Phil immediately questioned her and was like “what the fuck you doing? We both agreed you would stay in bed.” and when ‘Tallulah’ just stared at him and shook her maracas, you could feel the air still.

Personally, it felt like a bucket of ice water got dumped on me. Phil literally froze. Because thats not fucking Tallulah. Tallulah is calculated, gentle, and slow moving. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner was shaking her maracas without a care in the world, running around. Also Tallulah will talk to Phil and they check in on each other. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner didnt put down a sign once.

Then as Phil was realizing that Tallulah wasn’t Tallulah, then ‘Chayanne’ comes in. At this point Phil realized that both ‘Tallulah’ and ‘Chayanne’ dont have cracks. Phil straight up looks at ‘Chayanne’ and says “You are fake, you arent my son.” Also same thing with Tallulah, Chayanne and Phil check in with each other. They are a well oiled machine. Phil knows Chayanne like the back of his hand and vise versa.

To be fair, Chayanne isnt an egg of many words. He likes action and just nods/shakes of his head when talking. If need be he will place a sign down, but he doesnt talk as much as Tallulah. So it isnt hard to impersonate him.

But the second, ‘Chayanne’ started punching Phil was again bone chilling. Chayanne rarely hits Phil, maybe once or twice from the top of my head. Again, Chay and Lulah are very respectful of Phil. If they need his attention, they do other ways. They dont hit.

And thats when Phil let Fit know that something was wrong. Those werent his kids. That they are fakes. Around that time, Phil runs home and sees that his actual kids are sleeping. He takes a photo, runs back, and fucking shows ‘Chayanne’. Phil lets the fakes know that he knows and he doesnt give a shit.

At some point, Phil and Fit talk again and ‘Chayanne’ runs up and tries to take the photo from Phil. Phil basically said fuck off and went back to his seat.

The part I find so fucking eerie was that Fit and ‘Chayanne’ had a lil talk. ‘Chayanne’ put down a sign that said something along the lines of “My dad doesnt love me anymore”.

That sign literally made me start to freak out because thats the fucking last thing the real Chayanne thinks. The real Chayanne knows that his dad loves him to death. That Phil would burn this server to the ground if anything bad happened to Chayanne. Chayanne knows that Phil does everything in his power to keep his son alive. He knows how much Phil worries about him and Tallulah (both the characters and the admins).

Going back to what I said at the start, the admins were so fucking smart for picking Chayanne and Tallulah to be the ‘Code eggs’.

People outside of Phil, Fit, Bad, and maybe Forever/Cellbit dont really spend time with Chayanne and Tallulah. Yes, other people do care after them and know them, but they really dont know their mannerisms and quirks. They dont know that Tallulah only shakes her Maracas when she is very excited or have something to say. They dont know that, while Chayanne can be hyper, he usually is very obedient and stays close to Tallulah when he can.

So putting them in a party where the attention isnt on them 100% time is so smart. They can run around and people dont think about it. They just see two eggs running around and having fun. They dont know how wrong it is to see them like that.

Then when the ‘Code eggs’ made themselves known, Phil got kicked. Again very smart from the admins because no one wanted to kill ‘Chayanne’ and ‘Tallulah’ even though they were obviously Codes. Even Fit, who Phil told over and over again that those arent his kids, hit the Codes once or twice but stopped because he didnt wanna take that risk. No one wanted to take the chance of hurting an egg. It gave the ‘Code eggs’ time to kill Charlie and try to kill others.

But the second Phil joins back, he is screaming that those arent his kids and to kill them. That they were impostors. Even then, they let Phil kill the Code eggs.

Then when Code Tallulah died, everyone stepped back and let Phil 1v1 Code Chayanne.

Im so impressed with the admins and the people who played the fake Chayanne and Tallulah. They did such a good job of putting a spear of ice through my heart. 100/10 Bravo

[littleseasalt]

I've been thinking about why q!philza seems to be able to understand and read q!forever and the situations about him for a while now, and now I'm finally able to type out this full ramble so bear with me.

First I wanna say this post is in no way saying that Philza is the only person that understands and knows Forever, there are multiple characters that understand and know him, but I wanna focus specifically on Philza because he might as well be the most curious one to analyze: Other characters that understand Forever are generally his close friends, whom he spends a lot of time with. Meanwhile, Philza and Forever, thanks to the ccs timezones, don't get to hang out quite as much. They are friends, yes, but we don't often see them interacting like philza and the morning crew do, or forever with Cellbit, bbh and baghera, you know? Like, in character, most characters probably don't even understand how their bond actually plays off and how much they trust each other, etc etc.

So, why is it that Philza can understand Forever and the situations around Forever very well? He doesn't always gets it perfectly, obviously, but he always gets at least some parts right. What is it that makes Philza comprehend him?

And the more I think about it, the more I realize that this might be because Philza, out of all the characters, might be the character who has one of the closest audience perspective on Forever.

Now I know that sounds insane but PLEASE, hear me out. Of course, he doesn't have as much knowledge of Forever as the audience, especially cause he doesn't stream everyday and timezones and stuff so he does misses on a lot, but the thing is that Philza was the only character who was there for every single thing that is crucial to understand Forever.

How many people in character knows how much of an impact Tallulah's death left on Forever? I genuinely think Philza is the only one- they thought together that day and he was there to see how down Forever got after she died. On the same day, he also saw the sparks of what would become the ninho project later- him, Forever and Chayanne talked about egg protection rules, such as the safe room, and thought about ways they could use those rules to the maximum. Then there was Bobby's death, which lead Forever to pick up what he talked about the day of Tallulah's death and dedicate himself to this big project to protect all the eggs. He saw Forever's dedication to this project, dropping everything he was doing just to grantee the eggs safety. He sees how much Tallulah's and Bobby's death impacted Forever. He was also there when the whole Quackity taking Richas away and Cellbit traitor thing happened and he was there to cheer Forever up. These three things are *crucial* to understand Forever's character. And Philza night as well be the only one who was there to witness how all these situations actually impacted Forever- again, this isn't to say other characters don't know, understand or comprehend Forever, because other characters do, but Philza specifically stands out to me because he really was there for the initial things that ended up guiding Forever as a character.

[stardust-does-things]

QSMP

I'm so upset that none of my friends are into the qsmp. Like, what do you mean you don't care about gay minecraft roleplay???? How could you not be completely invested in a 36 year old man's fake platonic husband and their two egg children in a minecraft server??

The worst part is they won't even let me mention them. I can't make any damn references to anyone without getting confused glares. Like, sorry you refuse to watch every vod from every creator on the server and don't understand the lore.

It's so cool because of the amount of people on the server, like there are SO many perspectives to see things from and so many different story lines to get invested in. Personally, my favorite storyline was Ph1lzA and the Enderking thing. I've always loved the concept of a character being corrupted or possessed and forcing them to hurt their loved ones(don't question me). Tallulah and Chayanne's admins did SO good. So did Phil, he sounded like a whole different person. And Phil was the best person to do this to. He's practically everyone's dad on the server, so seeing such a caring and fun guy to get aggressive and threaten his own children was scary and a great arc for him to experience.

I also absolutely LOVE the ships. Like you can't TELL me that you don't absolutely love Roier and Cellbit's relationship. Pac and Fit? OH MY GOOOOOD. I love the fanart and fanfics of them 😭 (I ship the characters in the actual server, not the content creators). I love Deathduo. Missa x Ph1lzA forever. They make such a good duo with how they interact around each other and the eggs. Roier and Cellbit have such a cute dynamic, I loved that one time Cellbit was running away and trying to blow himself up, and Roier went, "No, you can't kill yourself! You're too sexy!" They are so silly together, and I just think they're so cute.

Also the fandom is absolutely beautiful. I love all the fanart and memes, the fanfics and animatics. OH MY GODS. I really wish I had the confidence to make fanart or fanfics, I'm too nervous that I'll get info wrong or have a bad headcannon lol. I adore looking at the way people draw the eggs. My favorite designs are when they're bipedal dragons or like they're half hatched and their legs are sticking out of the shell 😭 its so cute!!! I still don't mind when they're just drawn like kids but with dragon features.

I loved Tallulah and her story, including Wilbur. I don't like Wilbur for what he did (even if it might be fake I genuinely don't know anymore) but I like him as a character in the qsmp. I love all the clips of Wilbur and Tallulah. Like when Lullah brought a gorilla into the garden and she was just so happy but Wilbur was absolutely terrified was so funny. The way he basically gentle parented her was adorable, like he didn't know how to raise a kid and just wanted her to be happy. (Wilbur is a horrible person, if the allegations are true, and I don't support him. I just like his character in the story but still understand why some people wouldn't like his character)

The humor is probably the best part. There are so many quotable things. One thing that I specifically remember was when Phil went to wake up one of the eggs (when they were all in hospital beds or smt IDK-) with Pac and someone else, Phil got downed by a warden and Pac went up to him and said, "Philza. I am here." in an overly manly voice, or something like that. Also I love just randomly saying quotes and pretending like everyone understands and thinks I'm cool. "we are all going to die. the sun is a false god but a true threat." -Gegg "IN THIS WORLD THERE ARE 2 GENDERS, PAIN AND SUFFERING" -Dapper "Geez abuelito I didn't know you were into drama omg slay" -Tallulah "heaven is homophobic motherfucker son of a bitch" -Roier

Anyways, I need more QSMP obsessed friends to talk to <3

(part 2 coming soon <3)

[daisyychainssj]

I know the whole Richas and Tallulah conflict happened hours ago and it reached a resolution and stuff but I'm just now catching up with it so I'm gonna write out my feelings about it because I think the whole thing and the way everyone is interpreting it differently is really interesting. I'm probably going to end up saying things that people said like hours ago so sorry if it's a bit repetitive to read!

!THIS IS ALL ABOUT THE CHARACTERS NOT THE CCS!

Richas POV - Okay so firstly, Richas' pov is probably the most complicated because he (obviously) has a much more complex relationship and understanding of the paintings. Not only do they cause him to be distressed because of how they're created but seeing it up on Philza's wall has just shown him that his pai Cellbit betrayed his trust. He didn't get rid of the paintings and instead has been just handing them out behind his back and I can't imagine how gut wrenching that must've been. Tallulah get's defensive about the painting and so she becomes the target of all of his hurt, frustration and fear. He is so worked up over this (understandably) and is getting increasingly frustrated because nobody is listening to him. He didn't agree to the "not be siblings anymore" ultimatum because he truly felt that way, I think he was just blinded by pure desperation. This poor kid NEEDS to be given the opportunity to sit down with someone and open up about this whole Romero Richas situation and he needs to be listened to and his fears taken seriously.

Tallulah POV - Now onto Tallulah's pov. For Tallulah this painting is a cute art piece of her papa phil and her brother Chayanne and suddenly her other brother is demanding that he take it back. Yes it's his painting but also she's a kid, in her eyes this painting was given to them and it's theirs now why would she give it back just so it can be destroyed? Also, Tallulah is the sweet egg! the kind egg! oh she's just so lovely and that's all there is to her!!!!! (sense my sarcasm here) sometimes when that is the way that someone presents themselves it's because they're scared that if they aren't that way they won't be liked/loved and people will leave if they're not prefect. This girl has abandonment issues on top of abandonment issues and Richas agreed to not be her sibling anymore over a painting. So this impacted her HARD. (we ofc know Richas didn't mean it but her character didn't) Tallulah acts out and (from her pov) stands her ground for once and now her brother doesn't want to be her brother anymore. I also think her throwing a tantrum and being a bratty made some of the audience even more shocked and dare I say frustrated at Tallulah behaving like this during this situation because that's not how they're used to her being. She was being stubborn and giving these intense ultimatums but she can be like this I think people just don't see it often because she only really lets her guards down in that way infront of Phil and Chayanne.

So now you have two extremely worked up kids who won't really listen to each other because their emotions are so heightened and that's to be expected! Children can not and should not be expected to regulate their emotions in the same way adults can.

Forever POV - His entire pov of the situation is very interesting to me. I see a lot of people criticising the way he handled this and to a certain extent I do agree. However, I think something that is being overlooked is that Forever perhaps wanting to make sure Tallulah was okay is because that is not his child. He only got permission literally yesterday to look after her after being previously denied. With Richas he can sit with him for HOURS afterwards if needed to try and talk through things. He has to drop Tallulah home in like an hour. It's very obvious to everyone on the island how close she is with Phil, she will tell him everything that happened during her time with the other parents. It makes sense, to me, for Forever to want to try and smooth the situation out as fast as he can and make everything okay. Do I think that makes the way he acted completely fine. No. but I don't think it makes zero sense for him to have acted that way. Also, him being Richas' pai means he's seen Richas have tantrums and be dramatic and bratty, he's never ever seen Tallulah do that so yeah he's going to panic and be like "oh shit I need to calm her down/make sure she's okay because this is unusual". I really do wish he had taken Richas' feelings and concerns more more seriously and hadn't just left him for a bit hopefully in the future he makes sure that he does that. It's a learning curve and he's learning to parent as he goes! He crash landed on an island and then got a child dropped into his lap to take care of so he's kinda just learning on the job.

BBH POV - I don't really have much to say here, I think bad handled the situation well given what he canonically knows about the Romero Richas situation (which is basically nothing) He encouraged Tallulah to talk things through with Richas and kept explaining how important their bond is and idk I just think BBH did a really good job.

Overall, I LOVE that the eggs are getting storylines with each other and are learning and growing. I'm so glad that Richas and Tallulah made up, they both need a warm hug and some hot chocolate or something after that whole ordeal. Little kids feeling big emotions for the first time is tough! but they did great <3

(I apologise if I missed anything important that happened between Richas and Forever when they were alone, I don't speak Portuguese but I tried my best based on the bits and pieces that the wonderful Portuguese speakers on here have translated!)

Anyway that's my long ass essay done! <3

[cosmic-d1ce]

please do a song analysis for fml please im so interested 🙏🙏🙏

Okay Christmas Kids FML we go this is long

So first, actual song is about a real couple. It's about a man that kept his own wife hostage, I believe he went so far as to have barbed wire around their home to keep her from leaving. It's very interesting

Right, so, we start with the first few lines, "Ronnette, my dear, don't ever disappear. Do what you want as long as you stay here" and it's pretty obvious what it's saying. As long as you stay, I'm happy. And that's a big part of how fml!Forever manipulates Phil, he relies on him for happiness and stability and maybe if Phil just listens, Forever won't be so unstable and erratic and self-destructive.

"I need you now, I love you so much, more than you could know" More of the manipulation, guilting Phil into staying by convincing him that he's needed and loved, because this is how Forever shows love. It's fucked up and weird and Phil hates it but Forever needs it, he needs him. It works so well because Phil always just wants to be needed and wanted.

Then, possibly my favourite line in the song, "The Christmas kids were nothing but a gift" and this is referring to the eggs. Richas specifically. How Forever uses Richas to make Phil want to stay. He takes advantage of his parental instincts and how much he misses Chayanne to keep Phil here. He wouldn't leave Richas, would he? Just like he left Chayanne? He can't. He wouldn't.

Second favourite line, two best lines back to back, "And love is a tower where all of us can live" The prison is a place they can be together and be happy. Fml!Forever genuinely believes this is good. He believes this is love, Phil just doesn't understand it yet and all he's trying to do is make him understand. Understand how much he has to be loved for someone to do all this just for him.

And then the chorus,

"You'll change your name, or change your mind, And leave this fucked up place behind. But I'll know, I'll know" talking about Phil leaving, taunting him because no matter what he does, he will find him. He will get him back. There is no where he can go, nothing he can do that will make Forever stop. And Quesadilla Island is only so big. And they can't leave. Forever knows where he'll go, what he'll do, because he's been watching Phil for so long. He can predict pretty much every move Phil makes.

"I'll know" repeats a lot.

"Appearing unsightly, with devils inside me" When Forever, for a moment, sees what he's doing for what it is. This moment of clarity doesn't last long, and the song continues quickly.

"If you ever try to leave me, I'll find you, Ronnie" repeats 4 times. Forever threatening Phil, letting him know that he really can't leave. Even if he somehow finds his way out of the cell, Forever will find him and bring him back. Always. Not only that, but the threat of what Forever would do in response to this. He'll find him... and then what? Take him back and make sure he won't do it again.

The second verse comes from Phil's perspective but the first line is a bit confusing,

"I'm leaving, Phil, I'm leaving now. I'm going to escape and you won't know how, Or where to find me when I'm gone" Phil, in the start of his imprisonment, tried to find any opportunity to escape. He tried everything. Killing Forever, killing himself, running for the door when Forever wasn't looking, running the moment they were outside. He did everything and he tried so hard and the whole time he promised himself he would get out. He'd find a way and Forever wouldn't know about it. Fatal flaw: Forever had every possible escape route noted and mapped already.

The next line, "I'll drink myself to death inside this prison cell, this prison cell" can refer to two things. The general need and want to die so he can leave, or, the time Charlie, Mariana and Roier got him drunk. They thought he'd tell them something, but he didn't. He just panicked and cried and the whole time he felt like he was dying.

"So, get me out of here" repeats a few times, this doesn't need explaination I think.

Then, the chorus repeats.

The chorus now, though, can be taken differently.

"You'll change your name, or change your mind. And leave this fucked up place behind" Forever can do whatever he wants, change everything about himself, run away, find a way off the island but,

"But I'll know, I'll know" Phil knows what he's done. And everyone else does now too. Forever can try to absolve himself of any guilt he's capable of feeling, but Phil will never forget. As long as Phil exists, the guilt will linger. If he feels guilty. He doubts it.

And it repeats and song over :3

[thecoddaughter]

TLT: The Musical (QSMP Edition)

So I was driving two weeks ago and listening to the album, thinking of the eggs. Then this week I found an animatic that I link later that finally made me make this post.

ALBUM BREAKDOWN BELOW THE BREAK <3

Prologue - All the eggs about Mama Dragon 

The Day I Got Expelled - Dapper

“It mostly gets you killed in very nasty ways,” this kid has a lot of close calls and 2 nightmares. 

Strong - BadBoyHalo & Dapper

I don’t want to just call Dapper Percy but then I relistened to this song. It is Skeppy-core. “Blue food isn't normal, blue food is strange and that's why it's my favorite. I never want to change. To make it boring orange or green. Why be blah? When there's aquamarine?”

The Minotaur/The Weirdest Dream - Chayanne’s Nightmare vibes…

Another Terrible Day - Teacher Quackity

“So don't expect me to be happy to see you. Of course, being alive is temporary”  Selina: Forever Katie: Tallulah 

Their Sign -

Percy: Tallulah - “The guy didn't need to be "Dad of the Year" but it's clear he could've shown us a sign” Chiron: BadBoyHalo - Vague yet philosophical is his whole shtick  Luke: Chayanne - oldest sibling core, “When parents are distant or seem non-existent; Hang on, 'cause you're gonna be fine.” Put You In Your Place -  Clarisse: Chayanne, server’s known protector (dad Philza) Annabeth: Pomme, servers most underestimated warrior (dads Etoiles & BadBoyHalo)

Campfire Song - 

Luke: Chayanne, eldest egg - “I'd wait by the phone, but the phone never rings” Percy: Pomme, youngest egg - “I hope he shows even a trace 'cause I got some choice words to throw in his face!” Annabeth: Leo - “She's sworn off gluten and she's sworn off guys… my dad works all day so I left Virginia and I ran away” Katie: Dapper - “She gets excited when it starts to rain but planting and planting and planting's a pain.” (I know he likes the farm, shhhhh) Grover: Tallulah - “He went for a hike to explore new frontiers and no one has seen him for thousands of years” Chiron: JuanaFlippa (ghost) - “My father is Kronos… Remember my lecture… He ate his children” Selina: Richarylson - “The goddess of love, my mom's Aphrodite. She tries to be cool but mainly she's flighty.”

The Oracle - Angel and Foolish

“You shall find what was stolen and see it restored… You shall be betrayed by one who calls you friend… And you shall fail to save what matters most in the end”

Good Kid - Richarylson

This poor kid is cursed with disappearing parents who feels its somehow his fault.  “Gabe was a world-class jerk. Dad was never there. The only family that really mattered? Well, she vanished into the air and now I finally find a haven. Someplace safe, where I can stay 'till it's "Pack your bags, Percy! Now go, go away!"

Killer Quest -

Percy: Richarylson - “I'm leaving now, I better pack; Hades took my mom, I'm taking her back” Grover: Dapper - “You're my best friend, dude, so don't get mad but I suspect you'll need protecting when things get bad” Annabeth: Pomme - “Five long years stuck at camp underneath Athena's locked down clamp, been waiting for my chance to prove I'm champ!”

Lost! - (go watch the amazing animatic to this song by MeapleTea that I talked about yesterday)

Percy: Tallulah Annabeth: Chayanne Grover: Ramon? (idk, i was trying to think about who they hang out with the most and i’ve seen a few clips of Phil and Fit recently, the wiki about eggs is outdated and i’m not up to date yet)

My Grand Plan - Pomme

“​​I've always been a tough girl. Always been the one not to run from a fight. Always been a tough girl 'cause most girls never win if they're polite” “Someone will notice me”

Drive - Bobby’s Dungeon :(

Jaiden: “Yo, guys, are you aware we keep surviving every creepy crazy thing” Weather changes: “As you can see, Bob, we've got thunder and flooding and hurricane-level winds. We urge all citizens to stay off the road…” Is Ares Cucurucho??

Weirdest Dream (reprise) - Dapper’s Nightmare vibes…

Tree On The Hill - BadBoyHalo (Alternatively Slime about Tilin)

If Pomme ever asked him about JuannaFlippa. He wanted to take her away from harm so badly.  “There's a tree on the hill, up on Half-Blood Hill, that watches over us… Silent and still” “And there on the hill, up on Half-Blood Hill. A cold wind blew, dark and chill. For nothing would slake its wrathful will, we had to make a stand. And maybe if I'd been a little bit braver! Maybe if I'd stayed behind to fight! But "maybe" doesn't let me go back and save her! "Maybe" doesn't make it alright!” “And it's there reminding me of all I failed to be the tree on the hill”

D.O.A - Federation 

Reviving eggs: “From heroes to half-bloods, with their pitiful tears thinkin' that they'll save a loved one from below” About working for Fed: “Down here you're D.O.A. and you're here to stay. Yeah, you're stuck forever. Never get away. No hope of survival.” To the Order: “You ain't ever gonna save what matters. You ain't gonna protect your friends. You ain't ever gonna be remembered.”

Son of Poseidon - Leo

IDK Foolish is part shark… Also gives triplet vibes, “We'll take him down, we work well in three.” 

Last Day of Summer - 

Maxo: “What do you do when the quest has ended? What do you do when the battle's won? So many questions left unanswered. So many things still left undone.” BadBoyHalo: “Do I stay because it's safer? Back to the home I left behind? I could stay and train for a piece of the action but what about peace of mind?” Baghera: “Ugh! What's my deal? Why do I feel there's something left I still need to find?” Pac & Mike: “I thought when I finished my quest, everything would make sense. But it doesn't. It's the last day of summer, but I don't feel like anything's over.” Cellbit: “I get it. My quest was supposed to be the biggest thing in my life. I came back changed. But the rest of camp was exactly the same.” Foolish: “They won't bother to show their face. It's time to make the world our own. Time someone put them in their place.” Forever: “Ares thought we were starting a war between the gods, but it was bigger than that. It's about wiping them out - and taking our turn.” Jaiden: “I've been here since I was a kid. I did everything they ever asked, yeah I did and for what? So I'll do anything.I don't care if I hurt anyone. It doesn't pay to be a good kid.” Etoiles: “The gods were never on our side, so I think it's time we watch them fall and soon you'll see what I did. Soon they'll be no gods at all!”

Bring on the Monsters - Etoiles, Baghera, & Pomme (and the other eggs)

[theredcuyo]

I just need to vent a bit-

So, its been a year and so now, isn't it?

It's curious to me how much Techno affected me even tho I wasnt one of his biggest fans at that time, and yet, I went thru some really, really hard times over this, and in some ways, I still am, up until recently I didn't feel the strength to watch his videos, up until recently even if I watched them I couldn't help but smile in a bittersweet way

Not too long ago I was finally able to laugh, to enjoy them again, to not think about how he's not here anymore while hearing his voice, and instead, have fun with what he left for us, and yeah, that's what everyone is been saying to do, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who struggled with actually doing it, because it IS hard, it's hard to not start to have fun and immediately remember "... He won't be doing this anymore now, huh?" and get sad all over again, even if we know he won't want us to still be crying

I got over it a week or so ago, I finally can watch the great potato war without sobbing for twenty minutes after watching it, and even if the grief won't go yet, I feel like im moving on, never leaving it all behind, but carrying the moments that made it hurt so much in first place, needless to say the happiest ones, in my heart, and overall, I'm full on energy, I've been inspired by him, by his all, like everyone, to do something, to give a meaning to what I do now, to be as strong as him-

And yet... The reason I write this is because of the grief left in me, I can't deny that whenever I go watch the qsmp streams a part of me can't help but wonder "wouldn't this have been so cool if Techno was here?, if he could've been here?"

I can't help but imagine him making fun of the eggs for practically being orphans, just to be forced to take care of one, can't help but imagine him immediately throwing one off of the wall, or maybe training Chayanne, and probably, growing to love Tallulah in a "I've had this child for five minutes, but in a anything happens to her I'll kill everyone in this server" kind of way

How he would tell Greek mythology stories to the eggs, but be the one person extremely against babysitting just to end up doing it a lot because of the insane amount of time he spends playing

Can't help but imagine how he would absolutely attempt presidential assassination against all the candidates and be completely against the federation without a doubt, and how he would've entered that dungeon left for them and absolutely destroyed it

Can't help but imagine Techno doing to forever the same thing he did whenever a baby zombie was near Philza

Can't help but wish the people who didn't get to know him outside of stories actually met him, and him talking to them with his bare knowledge of Spanish, and them reacting to the man himself talking about "blowing up a country" and "farming potatoes for +six months" or how "he once conquered the world" just to have them not believing it until Phil backed up the stories

Can't help but imagine a world where Tallulah didn't have to make an altar for him, and then i get back to reality to realize that... That's not the world where I live in, I live in the world where it's been more than a year since all of this possibilities became impossible and I feel genuinely hurt again, maybe more so over the thought of how much life he had ahead of himself, one that hurts me even more because he's the same age as my older brother

I like to wonder off in my mind sometimes, and imagine just for a bit of escapism, that he'd be giving Wilbur validation in his concerts, or that he would've bullied the life out of Dream when he did his face reveal, and also bullied Skeppy when he met up with bbh, or that he would've been in first line for Tommy's show

Technodad once mentioned on Reddit that Techno had been thinking of writing a story, and that too, would have been awesome to see, as much as all the plans he had and didn't get to do that I and all of his fans keep dreaming over

At the end, I think that the grief left in me, is over how much more time he should've had, over the future that we will never see

I'm sorry for this, I really just needed to vent, I don't want to sound disrespectful or anything really, just some thoughts I had inside of me and needed to get out, I'm sorry if it sounded weird or bad-

[fruit-sauce]

i need to make art very soon whilst my brain is going, so many thoughts,, I will tag you when I do, I am loving your ideas!

YES ok so my Roier is. huge.

he’s got a fairly tall human half, but his spider-lower half in MASSIVE, Roier’s shed is probably the most terrifying thing ever. Cellbit starts worrying about him once he starts acting weird, only to come home to him, half peeled, with Jaiden as they’re trying to get him unstuck as quickly and carefully as possible

Leo is very spoiled, but also very smart, especially when it comes to sea life. I wanna make my Leo design very “I go to swim meets every weekend and stay up reading ocean life encyclopedias.” I’ve been tossing around ideas of hybrid Vegetta, I, again, don’t know much about him, but in a lot of things I’ve seen and read, he often gets referred to as a wizard or some type of magic user? I’m assuming that’s a reference to another server, but, hybrid wise, I’m thinking something really sleek (cat, fox, reptile) or something with a cool shape- like a lion! He does like his own space and is quite territorial, so I’ve been leaning towards that (and also that one clip of Foolish barking at Vegetta and Vegetta meowing back)

I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY ETOILES GOLDEN APPLE HEADCANON, he deserves more attention! I think it’d be funny if, when venturing with Pomme, she’s all walking in a straight path while he’s jumping around from high trees to the bushes and stuff, keeping a lookout for her (and any cool dungeons)

My BBH design is already very tall, so him trying to shield people from attacks or the sun or rain, or simply picking them up, sounds super funny. He would use his tail like those ropes that little kids hold to stay together in a line, that’s adorable aaaaa

the images you added are so cute! Its giving me so many ideas,,, Philza holding Chayanne and Tallulah but all you can see is their heads popping up from his feathers, Baghera covering Pomme and Dapper from the rain,,,

Forever has such puppy dog eyes, he’ll kneel down and tilt his ears down, maximum efficiency. Him wearing a cone of shame is amazing, full grown man can’t stop messing with his paper cuts lmaooo

Exploding slime! That actually works well with my “green with red tips” for Mike.... Slimes are so clingy! Slime and Mike totally just.. melt onto people sometimes, especially Slime, he does it on accident most of the time tho, Mike is more clean (can’t get goop in the machinery!) while Slime is more silly and relaxed, his inventory is literally hammerspace, he reaches behind himself and pulls out an entire sword, a handful of avocado toast, several flowers, etc

Mariana being one of the few humans is very interesting, especially when he’s paired with Slime, a goopy, gunky, clingy guy. I feel like he has something, maybe he’s cursed or his hybrid parts are very minimal, definitely something I wanna think about more...

I love having non-human headcanons for the qsmp members, especially for silly dumb reasons

I’m just saying, the image I just got of Roier trying to do a courtship dance for Cellbit and Cellbit not knowing wtf he’s doing bc they’re totally different animals is pretty funny

Or, I’ve had this idea for a while now, all the ones with wings gently tapping on the eggs or even each other as a sign of greeting.

Example: Bad goes to see Philza and they stand side by side and lightly touch their wings together, like a handshake almost! This could be done with tails too, that’s be cute,,,

Lmao Foolish’s love language being just straight up biting, Baghera and Quackity going into water yet somehow come out fully dry, AUGH THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEAAAAA

Or all the hybrids going up to people and softly head-butting them for attention, and then the eggs pick up on it and now they’ve started gently bumping into people to get their attention ahhh,,,, this is adorable,,,

[letterstothelosers]

First part/ start of thread (in order for this to not be a post you have to scroll forever to get through/past)

Okay..I’m taking a page from you book and doing a list because…they are easier.

1. My anger.

I haven’t felt angry, like really angry, until Stan got hurt. And considering how bad my bipolar was and how I dealt with the meds and stuff…it’s better. But, I still need to work on some stuff. That’s what boxing is for and it’s helped me out so much this past month or so. And..I’m proud of myself. You also once said that maybe you brought anger out in me and…to a point, that could be true. I think you bring my emotions out more than anyone, like, you make them stronger. Which, in terms of love and affection and happiness is amazing. But then when we’d fight or argue my anger and sadness would sky rocket because I’ve never felt like I could actually lose someone until…us. It terrified me, that something I couldn’t control could ruin a relationship I care so deeply about. Ya know?

2. My really dumb impulsive decisions.

This is a big one, mostly because it reflects on how much of an idiot I am. I took LSD by myself which was…the stupidest thing I could have done looking back. And I shouldn’t have. It cost me a lot more than I thought and I have dealt with it everyday. I scared you and you had every right to leave me to deal with it by myself. I deserved that. I think if you tried to help I wouldn’t have learnt my lesson. Yes, it was terrifying and…one of the worst nights of my life but, I grew from it. I know never to do dumb ass shit like that again. Ever. I also think, with the drinking thing, that in my head it’s like ‘the right way to deal with things’ and that was installed by my father. I don’t depend on it, fuck no, however I have grown up around someone who did. I was able to stay away from it for a week and a bit and I’m also proud of myself for that. But I know when I drink I say dumb things. The ‘New Years Eve Target Incident’ for example. I will never do anything like that to you ever again. I swear. I know things that I say when I’m drunk are stupid and..I want that to stop. I think I’m better at holding my tongue more and just…keeping quiet instead of blurting shit out. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s a work in progress.

3. My jealousy.

This is something I don’t talk about very often, with…well, anyone. I don’t like being jealous, I’ve never thought it was an attractive thing for people to have. But people get it. It’s human nature. I’ll be honest and say that for a long time, I was insanely jealous of Peter. To the point where I didn’t want to get to know him or talk to him or anything. I thought…I thought he was replacing me. Which is so stupid to even think of now, considering how amazing he has been and how lovely he has been to me. But the jealousy that stops. That has stopped. It was a big part of my mind for a long time but I refuse to let something so petty get in the way of my healing. And yours, too.

4. The poly situation.

It’s very obvious, as many anons have pointed out, that I am attracted to a lot of people. I hooked up with Jack, and Chayann, before I decided that both of them were much better off as friends, because I wanted to explore. I wanted to be with a girl and explore my bisexuality and I did and it’s amazing! But, that never clouded my feelings for you or that I know you are the one for me. Also…I’ve come to really like Hannah. She knows I’m bisexual..and poly…and in love with you. And she’s cool with it, 100%. Thank god. I don’t know what will happen when we get back together but…I’d like to continue having dates with her, as you do with Peter. I can see myself dating her, but..obviously you’re gay and girls aren’t your thing so…we reach a wall. But, I guess we can talk about that.

I..don’t know what else to list right now until you bring something up so…your go.

- Richie

Okay, first I will reply to your points, before saying my own piece. To keep it all need and in order:

1)

- a) I understand what you are saying, but you got angry before that, too. And often. I don’t say that to be mean, just as a fact. Maybe you felt the angriest with that, but it was not the time you showed the most anger outwardly.

- b) The boxing helps, and I see it helping, but it cannot be your only solution. I really hope you are talking to Simon about various methods you can use together.

- c) I said that... in a way that maybe wasn’t taken the correct way. And that is on me for how I may have explained it. For a while, it felt like you only ever got truly angry with me; that it was only taken out on me. And it felt unfair and like I had deserved it every single time. I know we’ve both mostly grown past this, but maybe it is also still a bit true?

- d) Often, the things you say while angry hurt a lot. I know they aren’t things you would normally say, but it still is heavy and painful. Getting told I leave when all I’ve ever tried to do is be there for people, as one example. I just.. you don’t feel like yourself when you get angry. I’m glad it’s getting better, truly.

- e) Nothing is ruined. Things are growing and changing and healing, but not ruined.

2)

- a) As I’ve stated before, my issues weren’t with the drug itself. My issue was with the fact that you ignored a shitton of people telling you not to do it. You ignored me tell you no. I told you I was uncomfortable. I told you that it would be unfair to do that in such an irresponsible way so close to what happened with Stan. I told you that at the times pills, in general, were making me feel weird and triggered memories I did not want to revisit. I told you no and you didn’t listen. I told you no so many times, even with reasons, and you did not listen to any of them.

And the way you talk about it, you talk like it was somehow something I should have helped with. Something I walked away from. It wasn’t. It was something you did. Even couples aren't supposed to be each other’s keepers.Couples aren’t there to always rescue each other, especially when I was already completely falling apart and you knew that. That night you didn’t do something dumb. You did something painful and insensitive and dangerous. That night was terrible. And painful, and I will admit that I’m still not past it. It still bothers me, maybe more often than it should.

- b) You do drink alone a lot. It worries me. If you were drinking with friends or at a party or in social settings with other people I wouldn’t worry. But you often don’t. You usually drink alone and you usually end up feeling worse when you do and sometimes you do or say things I know that sober you would hate. I’m not saying you shouldn’t drink. I just think that you should be careful because you did stop for a week but the first time drinking after that you couldn’t even walk from the kitchen to the bed... I just worry, sometimes. About a lot of things.

- c) ..... New Year’s and Target. That was... a hard one. Ignoring safe words is never okay. I’m not sure if I can really say more on this right now. I’m sorry.

3)  Peter is not replacing anyone. People are not interchangeable. And I’ve said it before but I will again: Peter and I are not dating and we are not together. We are friends who have gone a total of three dates. He’s nice. I like him. I am glad that you like him.

4) A lot of this is future talk. Which I still think we should put on hold until we are talking it all out. But I did hear everything you said.

Now, my turn at the list:

1) Sex.

I know that me not being able to have sex has been hard on you. And I’m working on it. I guess part of me was hoping Jack or Chayann or some other person could help you, but it seems that is not the case. I’m not sure how long it will take for me to be okay with sex, or if I will ever be. I know... I know you say that you are okay with that but I know how you feel about sex. I know how much you need it for your own healing and anger control and a host of other things. I need you to not say you are okay with it all if you aren’t.

2) Silence and Space

I know when how I cope isn’t the healthiest. I’m working on it, but sometimes things still get to be too much. Sometimes I need to be alone. Sometimes my voice stops working. And that is not a reflection on you. I’m sorry if me needing space has ever felt like me not wanting to be around you.

3) Guilt and such

Sometimes I struggle with how to deal with feelings I feel guilty for feeling. The newest thing being my birthday. I know you didn’t have any say. And I know that it is wrong of me to hold any of it against you.. but it all hurt so fucking much. I had confessed the hardest thing I ever had to say to you. And two days later, on a day that was meant to be happy and special and mine, you weren’t here and it felt like you stole part of my day. It felt like you abandoned me. And then in a cruel twist, you came back early but I had other plans. Plans I asked others not to make for my actual birthday because I was planning on you and the losers. You were literally only gone on my birthday.. and it hurt like hell. It still hurts a bit. And.... there are things sometimes I feel things I shouldn’t about. And I’m working on it.

I.... am sure there is more for both of us, but that is mine for now. Your turn.

[art-from-the-juice-box]

i forgot to tag the actual relevant art tags im so fucking stupid i need to go to bed

getting my computer out to copy paste my tag bullshit in reblogs so i can actually tag it properly 😅 (original tags under the cut) (warning for long and rambley and probably incomprehensible idk)

#hopefully it’s okay to tag you 😬👍#but idk i finally had the brainpower to start it and was like holy shit#start and finish#idk one of the things about qsmp when it was still going on and i was still paying attention that made me so :(((( was how little support#that q!slime had#like he kinda sorta had philza in a wow you should prolly not do that m8 but i’m not gonna stop you kinda way#(if i remember correctly(and only from charlie’s streams pov so could be different in memory and in phil’s pov))#and then he had quackity as a support system like not a great one but i’d say they were friends#and then quackity got kidnapped lmao#and then he had q!wilbur for a week#who super didn’t like gegg but DID like charlie and that’s something#so he had like two (2) people (until baghera and him clicked)#like idk i feel like mf needed so much help and he never got it (fair) (he also didn’t log in much and is jokey guy lmao so)#but like idk i remember really liking his interactions w etoiles cause etoiles is so fucking cool ??? holy shit ???? i miss seeing people#liveblogging him on the dash#and i really loved their dynamic but idk i guess i don’t ship people a lot unless they’re big ships im not used to rare pairs#but holy fuck the dynamic i love them#and please god help that slimey freak nobody else is going to do it and you’re stubborn enough to do it yourself#NEED to draw more qsmp members i didn’t realize how few id drawn till my other dump of drawings#like i’ve drawn bolas#+ bbh fit pac tubbo(and fred) quackity multiple times qwilbur forever has exactly one (1) tiny doodle#maxo i have one doodle but its the back of his head lmao#i keep trying to list bolas members again forgetting that i blanket covered them all w saying bolas#for eggs i’ve drawn dapper as an egg#chayanne and tallulah as humanized/dragon hybrid deal and then that’s it#i got fixated on genloss after that and got distracted#and then for purgatory the eggs weren’t around so i wasn’t doodling them then either#OH IVE DRAWN FLIPPA AND TÍLIN#like to the point where my phone knew to add the accent i guess#NOOOOO IM OUT OF TAGS PLEASE I DONT TALK TO ANYONE THIS IS ALL I HAVE NOOOOOOOMY TAGS MY TAGS

ANYWAY HERES STARCICLE

it’s not really explicitly shippy but that’s what i was thinking about while i did it lmao so the energy is there

the flat color one i might do more w later idk

but i had a starcicle fic* by @mad-c1oud bookmarked since before the server imploded cause i saw a mutual recommend it and i finally sat down and read it like a week ago and omfg i miss qsmp and id never drawn etoiles before (haven’t drawn many members tbh) and i had to rectify that immediately

*link below the cut :) ⬇️

>:]

[arinninjagosleftovers]

okay get ready for a messy recap with possible spelling mistakes i dont really remember what happened last week except for like.. the weekend??

BUT Phil stayed up until like 3am because he infodumped on cellbit about like eggs gone and all the images and then when he went to eepy times he found coords in his basement from chayanne to pumpkin patch and all that i think i told you about what happened to the eggies?

BAGI ASKED TINA ON A DATE AND SHE SAID YES THEYRE SUPPOSED TO GO ON ONE TODAY BUT NOT SURE IF THATS HAPPENING

Forever got dragged to freezer prison by feds and then cucurucho told him to go into the NETHER and when he got there he met walter bob (fed worker important to pac e mike) who was acting a bit odd and then he got killed by a nether mob and got a cutscene with black background and red text saying YOU SHOULDNT BE HERE MR PRESIDENT

okay weekend stuff

yeah i did OKAY but i didnt tell you about the fact that they found leos picture!!! yippee!!

fred (tubbos boyfriend friend penpal situationship) got kidnapped by quackity and quackity then went to talk to tubbo because he believes tubbo is some kind of fed memeber traitor thing and told tubbo he will never see fred again! which led to tubbos stream today where he went kinda uhhh not insane thats not a good word but a bit unhinged? he said he was gonna destroy everything quackity has ever touched and placed by himself not using any tnt or fire or anything like that and said he still absolutely hates the federation guts but he also thinks quackity is doing something just as bad as them and he WILL find fred

also saturday cellbit got dragged around by a guard that he (accidentally) killed and got a feather thing invivtation that he took hours to solve which was an invitation to a presentation

now sunday cellbit got a little more fucked up because he found bagis is his SISTER and that freaked him out and he was like "no. this cant be true. youve never been there for me." something like that it was like midnight and he also told foolish and bad before he managed to talk to bagi (his twin) and he kinda relapsed into his hunger games days and he talked to bad after talking to bagi and dudes fucked up then he talked to this fed guy and given a mission and it was like "only bring a super small group of people" because he was told to infiltrate this super important meeting which leads to today where he got ANOTHER book that said "fuck that, bring everyone!" (TERRIBLE idea) and then they got there and cucurucho told the federation workers (and the islanders) that they have no clue where the eggs are, and they also talked about how they sent forever into the nether and now hes MISSING, now theyre planning on sending someone else into the nether where they believe they will find clues on the eggs

now, the big announcement was about MINIMES!!! which is like a worse version of the eggs and theyre like actually ai that they can command and train and then make more and they were supposed to be for the workers, but then the islanders stole them and the duck appeared a bit glitchy and weird and was like "woah guys youre welcome for the minimes!! hope you like them take care and dont kill them like last time...." insert montage of the eggs dying or being near death which is sooo fucked up???

i think thats the like.. most important stuff???? at least the stuff i watched and kept track of

OH YEAH AYPIERRE WAS PUT IN PRISON AFTER YELLING AT CUCURHCUO ABOUT LIKE.. BEING ON THE ISLAND BEFORE

@soullesserror my friend I am gonna need a full debrief on the last like week on the Qsmp. Because I’ve been busy and everyone (Charlie and Wilbur) went live and I sadly didn’t have the attention span to watch anything today. But only if you willing. If you willing I would love to know