#And then she asked me if I know what ‘asexual’ means because my sister ‘refused’ to explain it to her

[canichangemyblogname]

Do y’all know anyone who doesn’t actually know how to have a conversation, all they know is how to interrupt or derail a conversation? Like they keep talking over you to tell you their opinion on something (often unrelated), even though the conversation doesn’t call for an opinion. There was no, “What do y’all think,” but they still gotta interrupt, speak very loudly over you and tell you some very wrong opinion. Or you’ll be talking and then they just start up a different topic. And when you call them out on that the response is, “I’m not interested in that.”

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

For someone who's autistic and poorly socialized, it's surprisingly not often something happens to me socially that I just do not fucking understand or feel like I would have to make wild assumptions to wrap my head around. Normally when I am confused it has slightly more to do with being on the asexual side of demi and not understanding that people flirt sometimes.

So truly baffling interactions with family are rare. Usually I understand what's going on socially from an objective standpoint, even if I can't groc why they are treating me that way and can't seem to realize the absurdity of it, etc...

But the scenario is as follows:

Background:

I have had more than one stalker by the age of 18. One of which is banned from multiple public places because his MO was to hang out in public placed you would be known to frequent, like a mall, catch someone alone and beat the ever-loving shit out of them, usually for being gay or trans. We are talking multiple 'peace bonds' against this person by the time he was 18-20 himself. He also has a habit of cornering younger women and pressuring them for sex when they are someplace isolated and around a general tendency to make threatening comments. He started dating me when I was 14 and in the years since I broke up with him and left town I have become increasingly openly gay and trans, and he has done a lot of asking about WHERE I went off to.

I am not unaware that him specifically asides, people can use recognizing me in shared public spaces as a way to target me without knowing my exact address, the the rule has been that anyone who knows me isn't allowed to tell anyone else even what city I live in. I take other precautions like not having myself or my home in photos that haven't had the metadata scrubbed, like using a vpn obsessively and not taking photos outside with potentially recognizable landmarks or landscapes, etc... But very generally the main rule everyone else has to follow is just not fucking allude to where I live or where I will be visiting ahead of time because someone who used to know me might figure it out and if he can figure out even what mall to wait at, he might hurt me, or someone else might use the same MO.

That fact that multiple other exs since have taken up some stalkery-ass behaviour is kind of just terrible icing on the issue. The fact that I voice strong opinions online and might become a somewhat noted author at some point if I get my way is kind of a side note, but also relevant.

The problem so far:

My sister has fucking habitually refused to stop mentioning where I live or where she assumes I live or where I will be visiting for the holidays. She makes allusions to it or mentions she will visit my mother and I at the same time when I actually lived close to her and etc...

Neither of them would take this threat seriously. The fact that my sister is a compulsive liar who will just invent information and insist on it to try to get her way should be beside the point, but instead it means my mother believed her account of what this guy is capable of or interested in more than my own, and -for whatever reason- despite trusting my judgement on most things when it's convenient to her, will not trust my judgement that my city of residence being public knowledge is actually dangerous to me.

My sister would not stop mentioning where I live, accurate or not, so the rule became not to tell her where I live. Period. So my mother started playing this game of letting her guess and assume where I had moved to and simply not correcting her when she got it right.

My sister also has a habit of being very verbally abusive to me and just yelling at me the entire time I am trying to have a conversation with her, so at some point I cut her off for a couple years, and then told her the rules were that she could talk to me on the condition she stop calling me names. And that she was not allowed to know where I lived.

During the time we weren't speaking my mother kept saying shit like "So what? I'm not ALLOWED to have both my *daughters* in my life >:(" and generally guilt-tripping me about not speaking to my sister, and still basically ignoring the rule about not telling her where I live.

And my sister may have eventually stopped even vaguely alluding to having contact with me, but mostly after she stopped having any contact with me.

The current problem:

My mother will start to agree with me that I am being reasonable and that she's plenty capable of doing what I am asking if she finds out I am going to move, and still refuse to move in with her, and right after I move until she gets my address again, and then she just cycles back to the same bullshit, including trying to talk me into living with her so I can take care of her all the time and so I have no choice about her or my sister knowing where I live. Always under the guise of saving costs.

So I find out my mother has been -in effect- continuously confirming for my sister where I live, no matter how many times I have reminded her that the general city is as important a secret as my exact address. She was all "Well obviously she knows you live in [redacted]!", when there's no way to know that without her losing a game of 21 questions or telling her, and when I got upset and tried to explain the FUCK AGAIN why it has to be the city too she cycled right back to "Oh get over it! >:(" and "can't you just live in isolation alone for ever and never make an opinion know online so no one has any reason to target you so that I can just keep doing what I want without you bitching!?!"

And I just... After the realization that she was always going to cycle back to this once she personally had gotten my address out of me, and that it was going to make it unsafe for me to live anywhere forever, most of all in the cities I loved the most, my second pick, my third and so on... I just... I finally just hung up on her.

And I got the expected slew of unacceptable texts, suicide threats, guilt tripping, emotional manipulation...

But the thing about your parents trying to use guilt and shame and emotional manipulation to control you since you were a literal toddler, is that the "grey rock" response isn't an act, It's genuine, it isn't just an automatic way to cope, or pretending not to care so they don't feel like their shitty behaviour is being rewarded, you genuinely stop caring, lose interest, and emotionally shut down about the issue. She flicked the switch in my brain where I go from hyper-empathy towards the well meaning, to absolutely no empathy at all for people who are intentionally trying to take advantage or cause harm, and I am not in control of that. So she can throw tantrums all she fucking wants and there is literally no going back. Sorry if you want to know why I am like this look at the people who fucked to make me and then screwed with my head for 16 years and called it parenting!

My sister in the meantime had started tentatively texting and calling me again after years of being allowed to but simply opting not to, probably out of fear she would fuck it up. And we were getting along! She wasn't being mean and we were good!

But the moment I cut off my mother and dropped to 2 texts a year for birthday and xmas, and any necessary legal shit for paperwork, my sister stops talking to me.

No response to happy birthday or merry x-mas [which I don't even celebrate but whatever]. Nothing. Dead air. One text where she tried to defend that mom never technically told her where I lived. And then silence.

And two things stand out to me:

I get the sense that this is about her feelings towards me because I specified multiple times this was nothing to do with her at this point, that the rules for her hadn't changed, and that now mom was just on new boundaries because she couldn't fucking be trusted to respect mine

I get the nagging sense that despite that mom guilt tripped the shit out of me for not talking to my sister, she is not, in fact, bitching at my sister to text me back. I get the sense that instead she is trying to commiserate with her about how unreasonable and cold-hearted I am, and perhaps even trying to convince her to cut me out to teach me some kind of lesson.

But these are wild guesses because my sister has not communicated fuck all to me except to simply stop talking/interacting. I actually have very little idea if any of my suspicions as to why actually hold any water.

This is not an AITA post because victims -or anyone- deserve to set boundaries about their personal information and have them fucking respected regardless of how rational you think they are being. I don't think it's unreasonable that if shutting up about my location is just not physically or mentally realistic for them that they shouldn't get to know where I have moved to. They don't get to demand to have that information and also demand to do whatever they want with it even if it makes me unsafe.

I am just genuinely a little lost as to why cutting my mom off means my sister has decided she doesn't want to speak to me, or if she thinks this somehow means I don't want to speak to her.

That's it though. That's the reason I don't speak to my sister either since my mom "fucked up", I didn't cut them both off as some kind of unit or packaged deal or something [lumping someone in thoughtlessly with my sister by association is their job]. She -again- stopped talking to me the moment there were new boundaries involved. And to be honest, I actually do not know why this time. It's as inscrutable to me as whatever the real reasons are my father never bothers talking to me.

Anyway if my mother actually wanted both her kids in her life she could have stopped perpetuating the reason for contention between us, she could have respected my boundaries herself and she could respect my fucking gender. She could have actually bothered to be on her best behaviour for my sake instead of only pretending to respect my boundaries when other people were watching, or if she figured I wouldn't KNOW [and therefor would have no idea I was in danger].

And if I the fuck find out she's been trying to pit my sister against me now [we did not need help struggling to get along bitch]...

[pruesgaultier]

BLACKHILL BAND AU: that’s the beauty of a secret (you know you’re supposed to keep it)

PART ONE

E! News: It’s no secret that Lesbian Fury and Russian Roulette are dominating the charts right now and currently fighting for the number one spot. Here’s everything we know about the two bands.

Lesbian Fury composed of Maria Hill, Maria Rambeau and Carol Danvers are signed to SHIELD Entertainment. The 3 women are very open in their sexualities as lesbians and many fans have spoken about how seeing the 3 in mainstream media has helped them be comfortable in themselves.

Carol Danvers (aka Captain Carol) and Maria Rambeau (aka Phonton Maria) have been in a relationship for 10 years. The two women — who were friends long before they were together —have been married for 7 years. The couple is often seen with their daughter Monica Rambeau-Danvers. Carol recently admitted in an interview that Still Into You was written as an anniversary present for her wife.

“It was a spur of the moment song. I had just been thinking of how we were nearing our 10 year anniversary and Maria never fails to give me butterflies, even now. So, I went to Maria [Hill] who helped me finish writing and producing.”

Speaking of Maria Hill, the lead singer, she told Vogue she is married to a mystery woman. Maria often speaks of her wife in interviews so this isn’t anything new; however she said the songs Strange Love and Trouble were written about her wife. We all hope one day we will see the woman who managed to capture the singers heart.

“Strange Love was written about my wife . There was a party we were at and people were wondering if we had hooked up in the bathroom and I don’t mean to be crass, but we totally did. So whoever bet on it, because I know they did, they always do, you’re gonna get your money. During this time, people were also constantly talking about my love life and calling my wife strange and weird and I was sick of it because it’s none of their business and she’s perfect how she is. Thus, Strange Love was created.”

Russian Roulette composed of sisters Natasha Romanoff and Yelena Belova, and Sokovian native Wanda Maximoff are signed to Avengers Inc. These 3 queer women (Natasha is a lesbian, Wanda is pansexual, and Yelena is an asexual lesbian) recently opened up in a Vanity Fair interview about how they became comfortable in their identities and fans loved it.

In this interview, fans found out more about Yelena and Wanda’s relationship. The two have been in a loving relationship for 5 years and recently got engaged. Yelena admitted that the song Everything I Wanted was especially written for Wanda as an engagement gift.

“I had this recurring this dream — it was a nightmare really— that Wanda would one day leave me. Her leaving was a thought that was always in the back of my head, especially after I came out as asexual. However, the reality was completely different. Wanda was so accepting of it and even did research to get a better understanding of what asexuality was and how to navigate our relationship. I just wanted to show her my love and appreciation toward her, so I put it in a song.”

Onto the redhead Lead Singer Natasha (or Natalia as Yelena calls her). Natasha admitted that she’s been married for since 2013 to a mystery woman. When asked about her wife, Natasha just said her wife loves her very much and she’s always happy around her. She even opened up about Cinnamon Girl, a song Natasha previously refused to open up about in many interviews.

“Cinnamon Girl is actually a song my wife and I wrote together. We had been together about 5 months and I was still healing from a very bad relationship that I had 2 years prior. At the time, she didn’t know many details of that relationship, just how it affected me, but she was so patient and loving and it was new to me. I didn’t know how to express my feelings, so I wrote them in a song which she heard me playing. I opened up to her that night and a few days later, she helped me finish it.”

Fans of LF and RR have suspected that Maria [Hill] and Natasha are each other’s secret wives because of the secrecy of their relationships. However, the two women have never even interacted online, so we may never know if they’re together or not.

————————————————————————

Lesbian Fury Tracklist: Strange Love; Halsey The Shining; The Neighborhood Still Into You; Paramore Trouble; Twin Heat Waves; Glass Animals Make Up Your Mind; Florence + Machine Haunting; Halsey Don’t Blame Me; Taylor Swift Sweater Weather; The Neighborhood

Russian Roulette Tracklist: Coming Down; Halsey Sober II (Melodrama); Lorde Everything I Wanted; Billie Eilish Cinnamon Girl; Lana Del Rey Flaming Hot Cheetos; Clairo Love in the Dark; Adele Sorry; Halsey Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince; Taylor Swift Supercut; Lorde ————————————————————————

Very excited for this series, mainly because it is apart of my blackhill bingo, but also, this idea is so fun. It’s going to be a social media au but also have little stories. Wanda x Yelena is a ship I really enjoy, therefore they’ll be together. If you have anything to say about that, well don’t! cause this is my page and I can write whatever I want. That being said, I really hope you guys have fun with this <3

This will have its own tag; TTBOAS so it’s easier for you guys to find it.

[theepitomeofamess]

hey y'all, i'm working on this project i'm really excited about and i wanted to share some of it.

it's basically just a retelling of Ares mythology (i know that this probably sounds a lot like knock off madeline miller, but just hear me out) focusing on the parts that don't paint him like an angry meathead -- the version of his myth where he's raised by Priapus and taught to dance long before fighting, how he is one of the few male gods to care for his children and respect women, the story of his daughter Alcippe (which, if you don't know it, trigger warning for sexual assault and murder if you look it up), and the idea that his anger stems from depression caused by being hated by his supposed father and ostracized by any god who wanted to stay on Zeus' good side (hello projecting :^D).

Anyway, i wanna share some ideas i have about Ares as a character (in no way trying to be disrespectful to the deity, my apologies if it comes off that way). I've got a long list of ideas under the cut, I'd love to get some feedback (@witch19, you know I'd love your opinion on all this)

so a big concept i want to work with is tattoos. from what i understand, tattoos were a sign of punishment in ancient greece, used to mark slaves and criminals so they could be identified or continually punished. there's a story (link here) of athenians tattooing athena's owl on ancient samians after a defeat, ares decided to take on the same punishment as the men he had helped in the battle. as he grows into himself and his confidence, the tattoo grows with him from athena's pygmy owl to an eagle owl, which became one of his sacred animals in some versions of his mythology. he started getting even more as he started viewing them as a sign of strength rather than punishment, and especially when he learned of emperors tattooing gladiators, who he often helped and identified with

the owl is his first tattoo, but his favorite is a honeycomb over his heart. there are a lot of bees on the comb, with aphrodite being the queen directly over his heart. there's a bee for each of his children, and a drone with a broken wing for Hephaestus (Aphrodite actually gets a matching queen bee on the back of her hand so when she puts her hand over his heart, the bee is still there)

maybe another tattoo is a peacock feather for his mother? maybe it's covering a Lichtenberg figure he got from one of zeus' fits of rage?? maybe idk???

speaking of scars, he gains a scar for every one that's gained by a soldier. it doesn't matter what side the soldier is on, it doesn't matter how minor the wound is, he bleeds with every soldier in every fight he's involved in, feels their pain. armor does nothing to stop it -- it never even gets scuffed.

because it never gets hit and therefore looks brand new, ares doesn't actually like wearing his armor. it gives the impression that he's never been in a fight. he'd rather just wear his tunic.

he's actually much more of a romantic person than a sexual one. he's not asexual (bisexual, actually), he's just a big softy and craves a softer, more genuine connection. that's why he doesn't take as many lovers, why he doesn't have casual sex, and why he takes his time romancing aphrodite. he really enjoys the soft, quiet intimacy.

the first time he met aphrodite, he asked her to dance. no one was dancing except servant girls/nymphs, and they were not on the same page at first. aphrodite thought "dancing" was an innuendo (like what zeus and poseidon have done before), and ares wasn't catching on to the fact that she thought he meant sex. poor boy just wanted to dance, and it took some talking in circles, but he did get his dance. aphrodite loved how fun and innocent it was.

dancing is an outlet for him. he loves it. he spent his whole childhood with priapus dancing, and still enjoys it to no end. this influences his build (where a lot of the gods -- zeus, poseidon, etc. -- are more bulky and lumbering, ares is very lean, limber, and light on his feet)

he keeps a garden. it was part of being raised by priapus in the mortal world -- they grew their own food, and it's a hobby that followed ares into adulthood. besides, growing his own food means that, while he doesn't get as many offerings, he still gets the good stuff. the garden has a beehive that aphrodite loves helping with. all of his children are spoiled with mortal food before they are ever old enough or well known enough to get an offering from the mortal world

he refuses the idea that zeus is his father. he believes the version of the story that he was conceived by hera alone through pure spite and rage -- this is the version that athena tells him, and he tends to believe athena before anyone else.

speaking of, he actually gets along with a lot of the gods. he and athena, though constantly pitted against each other, have a pretty good relationship and she is often a comfort for him. they will often sit together in no man's land after a battle, and she will often comfort him if it was a particularly bloody one. at the end of the day, in her mind, she's his big sister. she actually used to (against zeus' wishes) go visit ares at priapus' home and read him stories.

apollo actually really enjoys hanging out with him -- ares dances to apollo's music and apollo is the one that gives ares his tattoos, a form of art that apollo doesn't get to practice otherwise.

he sees hades a lot more than a lot of people, as he often helps thanatos in escorting killed battalions to the underworld, spending the entire time ensuring them that even if they did not achieve victory, they brought honor to their homes and families. hades doesn't have favorite nephews/neices, but given how ares has been ostracized in a way that hades can find familiar, he empathizes with him quite a bit.

he and hephaestus actually would have been very close if they were allowed to have a childhood together and didn't have mutual jealousy, and actually have some really sweet moments. ares trusts hephaestus wholly with the wellbeing of aphrodite and his children, knowing that he will take care of them in his stead if he needs to.

still working out the kinks on this idea, but the dryad Harmonia is born from the tree that grows from ares' tears for Alcippe. she offers to help him create an entire society of daughters for him, ones that live away from the threat of men. daughters that know well how to protect themselves from those who threaten and attack them. (like i said, i'm still working on this idea, i'm not even sure if the amazons will be included, but i like thinking about the different ways that this could be interpreted/used)

maybe in that same vein of harmonia and the tree, ares crafts eros' bow himself (maybe with some help from hephaestus and his experienced craftsmanship?) from a branch of harmonia's tree? maybe he strings it with his own heartstring, left dangling loose, irreparable after the heartbreak of Alcippe?

okay so clearly i have a lot of ideas regarding this project. any and all writers, mythology lovers, narrative flippers, please let me know of any further interest or ideas about this!

[kiriluvbot]

NO ONE ASKED BUT IM HERE TO SUPPLY ANYWAY!

sero hanta headcanons for the soul

- asexual, pan-romantic!

- uses they/he pronouns (didn’t know they could have different pronouns until he met tokoyami, and they spent their entire first year having a crisis over it)

- i know it’s old and overused but this kid is a hufflepuff, through and through

- CHILD OF APHRODITE. i take no criticism.

- a heartthrob among his entire grade, not just class A, but B as well, and the general course, and the business course,, AND the support course. everyone loves sero hanta.

- a natural charmer but is literally not aware that they make everyone within a 400 meter radius of them swoon

- until kaminari tells him in their second year. homie. youre fucking hot. and mina says, use it to your advantage. SO HE DOES.

- third year sero hanta is a force to be reckoned with, let me tell you. using their charm along with their natural ability to just. Befriend anyone (including a brick WALL tbh) to get his way. they get their way, they Know Everything. everyone knows his name by the time he graduates.

- The Older Sibling friend. not quite the mom friend or even the dad friend, but the older sibling. he’s a constant source of comfort and dependability among his class, but theyre also an agent of chaos that likes to cause problems On Purpose just to see what’ll happen. they never get caught being the instigator tho. no one can ever catch him.

- likes to watch aforementioned chaos from the sidelines. a mediator and an excellent negotiator. keeps his friends (cough, bakugo) from murdering each other or other people (cough, monoma)

- i like to think he’s the eldest child with two or three younger sisters and maybe a baby brother. their parents divorced right before sero started high school, and he and his siblings live with their mom. she’s a real lovely lady.

- since he’s the eldest, he kinda knows how to take care of people. sick people, sad people, hungry people. they can read and understand people really well if they really matter to him.

- most of the time there’s just wii music in their head tho

- they weren’t super great at prioritizing themselves/taking care of themselves when he first moved in to the dorms, but with time and help from his friends, they keep getting better at it

- sero gets his looks from his dad and his attitude from his mother. again, i imagine she’s a real lovely lady.

- their love language is physical touch! with so many younger siblings and his natural Eldest Sibling Vibe, it’s only natural for him to be super cuddly and affectionate!

- while it may not be their love language, sero also probably really likes spending quality time with his friends. they like going out, they like being loud and having a blast, but the kid also wouldn’t mind sitting in his room with his friends in silence while everyone did their own individual thing.

- the kind of person that sleeps with one pillow only and one blanket only

- probably runs warm, kicks off the blanket in the summer time. either sleeps on his back stretched out like a starfish or curled into themselves like a baby. no in between.

- has a pair of underwear they call their “lucky underwear” and it’s just a pair with spider-man’s face as the pattern.

- the kid does not have regular chairs in his dorm. it’s bean bags or the floor, man.

- they also have a hammock . i’ve seen this repeating trope in every single fic i’ve ever read

- keeps a stash of snacks in his room! but it’s a trade system. kaminari gets m&ms for cheek kisses, kirishima gets beef jerky for his most rib crushing hug, and todoroki gets gummy worms if he shares his manga.

- has led lights that are connected to his speaker and changes color every time a song changes

- has only three playlists. only three.

- they’re titled, respectively: “u yearning bastard,,” “monch monch”, “for pissing bkg off”

- he still listens to the jonas brothers, lots of big time rush, but also fleetwood mac and abba. frank ocean, lorde,,,, but also. they know every word to both mama mia soundtracks.

- absolutely adores horror + romance movies and not much else

- he tries getting into star wars for kirishima’s sake but he literally cannot keep up with the plot for shit.

- can quote the entirety of the notebook with mina (it infuriates bakugo to no end when those two ask to watch it for the fifth time in a week)

- has never tried an energy drink in their life, absolutely refuses to because caffeine makes him Shake and he hates the feeling

- drinks a lot of tea tho! with momo and todoroki!

- favorite snack is oranges. this kid always has oranges.

- aside from satou and bakugo, sero is probably one of the best cooks in their class

- resident pretty boy. did i mention everyone loves them? seriously. he even has the ever so stoic shouto todoroki pining after him.

- had a huge growth spurt the summer after second year began. it pissed off all their friends because he finally passed 6’ while the others were still stuck at 5’9 or below.

- by graduation, sero reached 6’3, and bakugo was still mad, because bakugo never passed 5’10.

- really grew into himself by the end of high school, finally learning how they wanted to express themselves with his clothing style, hair and *clenches fist* piercings

- started painting his nails the summer before their third year and hasnt stopped

- glorious, curly mullet. bejeweled hair pins. jean jackets and platform docs. piercings all the way up his ears. a nose ring and a smiley. (if you don’t know what a smiley is, i beg you to search it up. it’s the cutest fucking thing i’ve ever seen in my life and i want one so bad)

- ochaco is the one who cuts sero’s hair in third year.

- he got most of his piercings alongside bakugo or kaminari, but when they went to get the nose ring, they’d gone with iida and midoriya. and when he got the smiley, he went with todoroki, who squeezed his hand when the needle went through, even if todoroki wasn’t the one getting pierced.

- one time he and denki shaved their legs and arms and Everything to see if it would make them “more aerodynamic” ( “haha dont u mean /sero/dynamic?” “shut up”)

- strangely flexible. everywhere. it makes shouji shiver and jirou gag. it makes todoroki stare with wide, disbelieving eyes.

- really bad handwriting. like. what the fuck.

- that doesn’t stop them from writing cards for each of his friends for their birthdays, for christmas. it doesn’t stop them from writing letters to todoroki (even if he ended up shredding them and throwing them away after they were finished so no one would ever find them. he wanted to ask bakugo to incinerate them, just to be safe, but they didn’t want bakugo, or anyone else, that he had written love letters to shouto todoroki.)

(....not until after they confessed and finally started dating in their third year.)

- finger guns. unironically.

- is a surprisingly good dancer and a passable singer!!!!!!!!

- sings in the shower. also dances in the shower, but one time they fell and hit the wall connecting his and todoroki’s room, and todoroki thought he might’ve died. came to his door and didn’t bother knocking to check and see if they were alright. sero didn’t dance in the shower for a long time after that.

- his favorite color is yellow, but they also really, really like red.

- doesn’t have a fucking phone case on their phone.

- earbuds falling apart but he just keeps putting more tape over them because they really don’t wanna buy new ones (kirishima bought him a pair for christmas because he didn’t want sero to get electrocuted from broken earbuds. sero ensured him he would likely not get electrocuted just from some earbuds, but took the gift anyway)

- smell checks their clothes like a HEATHEN

- is in love with shouto todoroki.

that’s all :) sero hanta is my number one best boy and i love them dearly.

[wlwdarlingcharming]

Hii do you have any bios for your eah oc's?? I'm so interested to know more about them!!!

yes my dear <33 these are very messy and i tried to keep some outline but oh boy did it go downhill after godiva.

elias wykkyd, son of the wicked witch of the west and the good witch of the south: he/him/they/them. bisexual. wants to protect the family secret (their mothers were not supposed to get together and if grimm found out, he would lose his shit) but his sister’s outbursts make it very hard. he’s very stressed all the time and would benefit greatly from a nap. they like to hangout with raven queen and thinks she’s pretty chill. he loves the other oz kids, but sometimes they are too much for them. he really, really doesn’t want to fight his sister or try to kill rowan. they don’t know that his destiny is to be the next good witch of the south. rebel.

godiva southgood, child of the wicked witch of the west and the good witch of the south: she/her/fae/faer. lesbian. very crazy. loyal to faer brother, but to no one else. has a “it’s me or them” mentality. believes she’s the hero and everyone against her is a villain. has too much power and probably (definitely) doesn’t use it for good. wishes her brother would understand what fae’s going through instead of blaming fae for everything. has a crush on farrah goodfairy. fae doesn’t know that her destiny is to be the next wicked witch of the west. royal.

rowan gale, son of dorothy: he/him. ace & gay. he’s passionate about photography and is on the bookball team. he never knew his mom, because he was taken away from her as a baby (👀). besides the ozians, he’s very close with alistair wonderland and would go far as to say that’s his best friend because he understands how hard it is to be a leading man. rowan is very scared for his destiny, because he doesn’t want to fight elias (godiva) and almost die. rowan is very sure of himself and has a god complex mixed with deep insecurity. people look up to him which defintely fuels his ego, but it makes him feel more insecure himself because “what if i just disappoint everyone more?”. he also feels like a disappointment to his mom but aggressively covers that up with false confidence. he gets bored easily and looks uninterested a lot. he doesn’t mean to, but school just can’t capture his attention. his destiny is to be the next dorothy gale. roybel.

valora de lioncourt, child of the cowardly lion: she/her/they/them. bi disaster. local furry. GORGEOUS. hangs out with cerise, ramona and rosabella. will do anything that anyone asks of them. gets into many hijinks with the other oz kids. plays for the lacrowns team and is surprisingly good. everyone always assumes she’s really shy and scared all the time (which in their opinion gets really annoying), but she’s very confident in herself. their destiny is to be the next cowardly lion. royal.

tinnafy manns, daughter of the tin man: she/her. panromantic asexual. total party girl. doesn’t sleep, ever. gets called a robot a lot and it hurts her feelings. hangs out with briar, melody and siobhan. close with her dad, but he doesn’t approve of her party lifestyle. rebel.

felix crowfield, son of the scarecrow: he/him. pansexual. coolest guy ever. literally so chill. how does he do it? it’s because he has dealt with godiva and elias’s screaming matches for years and has learned to tune them out. he loves creating costumes, as well as acting, and is apart of the ever after high players. doesn’t want to be the next scarecrow and would much rather make costumes thank you very much. his destiny is to be the next scarecrow. rebel.

lilith whiteford, daughter of the white queen and the white knight: she/her. ace lesbian. badass knight princess. has a cold exterior, but once you get through that, she is one of the most kind and caring people. loves her brother and her parents. loyal to a fault. wanted to be the next white knight of wonderland, but later decides she wants to date the future white knight of wonderland (one darling charming). was taught by her parents to never speak unless spoken to, so that’s how she talks to others. people think she’s just a scary knight princess, but she’s really not. secretly a huge nerd. older twin. royal.

lysander whiteford, son of the white queen and the white knight: he/him (ftm). gay. sad boy. sad, rich boy vibes. makes everyone think he believes he’s above them, but he is so insecure about everything. he wants to be the next white queen (king) more than anything. doesn’t like his mother or his father, but loves his twin lilly. he pretends to be a pompous jerk to everyone, and it pains him to act that way, but it’s the only way he knows how to talk to others. younger twin. royal.

coraline sirenowitch, child of the sea witch: she/her/they/them. lesbian. egirl energy. looks mean, is actually very nice. very, very powerful. besties with faybelle, actively tries to avoid meeshell. hates forks with a burning passion. (coraline: they’re like tRiDeNtS, fAyBelLe) likes to make their own jewelry. vegan. their destiny is to be the next sea witch. rebel.

eira nordskov, daughter of the snow fairy: she/her (mtf). bisexual. oh BOY she is my BABY. her story has developed wildly over the past year. she’s very shy, has limited snow powers and loves ballet and ice skating. friends with justine and duchess. she loves sugar plums (much to siobhan’s dislike). gets very angry really quickly, which causes some mild changes in weather. hate hate HATES her roommate, crystal winter and they have the biggest rivalry. has the biggest crush on nathaniel nutcracker (who i have also adopted from the books). her destiny is to be the next clara. royal?

siobhan plumfairy, daughter of the sugar plum fairy: she/her/they/them/he/him/xe/xem. the coolest out of the nutcracker kids. hangs out with briar, melody and tinnafy a lot. basically only talks to nath, cordelia and eira because they’re all childhood friends. IS the life of the party. wants to be anything other than the sugar plum fairy. has a good control on xer magic, but uses it to make decorations, clothes and lights for briar & mel’s parties. very insecure about their wings and doesn’t like to talk about her parents. uses his “cool girl” connections to get himself things. rebel.

cordelia mouse-king, daughter of the mouse king: she/her. very smart when it comes to sciences. likes to make potions and other concoctions in chemythstry and prides herself on getting good grades. likes to talk to cupid, because cupid’s old school is near where her cousin mouscedes lives. also friends with ashlynn and dexter. very short and small, but can be very scary. has a bad relationship with her dad, and usually spends break with her cousin or siobhan. super awkward around nathaniel and doesn’t like when they all hangout. rebel.

nathaniel nutcracker, son of the nutcracker: he/him. disaster bi. LOVES DANCING. absolutely loves ballet and literally any type of dance. good friends with justine. mostly hangs out with the other nutcracker kids. very uppity and preppy. scared of cordelia’s dad and refuses to hangout with cordelia outside of school, which makes group hangouts really awkward. royal.

jocelyn “jj” hook, daughter of captain hook and the big bad wolf: she/her. pirate lesbian. mostly hangs out with ramona, cerise and winnie. (as well as the hypothetical ever after high fight club) thinks of little red as her mom. refuses to talk to jamie (her mom). has a pirate ship. rebel.

winona “winnie” darling, daughter of wendy darling: she/her. bisexual. badass pirate queen. in love with jj and would fight anyone for her. hypothetical head of ever after high fight club. short queen. very shy, but once you get to know her you won’t be able to get her to shut up. rebel.

[flightfoot]

Analyzing Reyna’s romance (or rather, lack thereof) arc and her feelings towards it throughout the series

Recently, Rick published a tweet about Reyna’s orientation, stating “Personally, I see her as romantic asexual and have written her arc with that in mind. (hence the prophecy in HoO) It’s been a struggle for her to figure that out, as she explains in Tyrant’s Tomb. But as always, interpret the text as you wish.”

After reading Tyrant’s Tomb, I figured she was somewhere around ace or aro, so it was cool to see it confirmed that he wrote her with that in mind! Especially since I’m ace myself, and we don’t get a ton of representation. It was just really neat.

In light of that, I wanted to lay out and analyze her arc as it relates to her orientation, to who she’s attracted (or moreso, not attracted) to, starting from her first appearance and continuing through to Tyrant’s Tomb.

Starting all the way from “Son of Neptune”, there’s hints and conversations about Reyna’s love life woven in, with Percy noticing how Reyna reacts to Jason being mentioned.

Reyna grimaced. Percy got the feeling this guy Jason might’ve been more to her than just a colleague. (SON 41)

 Percy doesn’t know much of anything about Jason or Reyna or the culture in Camp Jupiter, so he doesn’t have much of a bias towards thinking they’re a couple because of those factors. For Percy to still pick up on Reyna being especially close to Jason is a pretty good indicator that that wasn’t just other people reading into it, seeing what they expect to see from Reyna - something which DOES happen a lot, and that Reyna goes into in Tyrant’s Tomb.

Jason… Percy couldn’t go very far in this camp without hearing that name.

“The way you talk about him…” Percy said. “Were you two a couple?”

Reyna’s eyes bored into him – like the eyes of a hungry wolf. Percy had seen enough hungry wolves to know.

“We might have been,” Reyna said, “given time. Praetors work closely together. It’s common for them to become romantically involved. But Jason was only praetor for a few months before he disappeared. Ever since then, Octavian has been pestering me, agitating for new elections. I’ve resisted. I’ve resisted. I need a new partner in power – but I prefer someone like Jason. A warrior, not a schemer.”

She waited. Percy realized she was sending him a silent invitation.

His mouth went dry. “Oh… you mean… oh.”

“I believe the gods sent you to help me,” Reyna said. “I don’t understand where you come from, any more than I understood it four years ago. But I think your arrival is some form of repayment. You destroyed my home once. Now you’ve been sent to save my home. I don’t hold a grudge against you for the past, Percy. My sister hates you still, it’s true, but Fate brought me here to Camp Jupiter. I’ve done well. All I ask is that you work with me for the future. I intend to save this camp. (SON 181)

 Initially when she’s introduced, and in the early books especially, Reyna gives off this extremely dangerous vibe, with Percy especially being nervous about her. Her initial proposition here seems very opportunistic at first, with the emphasis being on the power that comes from being her partner first and foremost, and any more romantic (or otherwise) partnership being implied as an add-on. It isn’t really clear whether she has any actual feelings for him or not.

“The point is, Percy, you are the real power on this quest. You are a seasoned veteran. I’ve seen what you can do. A son of Neptune wouldn’t be my first choice, but if you return successfully from this mission, the legion might be saved. The praetorship will be yours for the taking. Together, you and I could expand the power of Rome. We could raise an army and find the Doors of Death, crush Gaea’s forces once and for all. You would find me a very helpful… friend.”

She said that word like it could have several meanings, and he could pick which one.

Percy’s feet started tapping on the floor, anxious to run. “Reyna… I’m honored, and all. Seriously. But I’ve got a girlfriend. And I don’t want power, or a praetorship.”

Percy was afraid he’d made her mad. Instead she just raised her eyebrows.

“A man who turns down power?” she said. “That’s not very Roman of you. Just think about it. In four days, I have to make a choice. If we are to fight off an invasion, we must have two strong praetors. I’d prefer you, but if you fail on your quest, or don’t come back, or refuse my offer… Well, I’ll work with Octavian. I mean to save this camp, Percy Jackson. Things are worse than you realize.” (SON 182-183)

 Reyna’s giving off a “together we can rule” kind of vibe, though for benevolent purposes. And the emphasis on him not being her first choice necessarily but preferring him to other options, along with the casual way she talks about him possibly failing his quest or not making it back compounds the perception that this isn’t really about Percy personally, and not about any attraction she may or may not have towards him, but just what he can offer as far as strengthening the camp goes.

He could tell the audience was over. Reyna was having trouble holding herself together, keeping up the image of the confident commander. She needed some time by herself.

But at the door of the principia, Percy couldn’t resist turning. “How did we destroy your home – that spa where you lived?”

The metal greyhounds growled. Reyna snapped her fingers to silence them.

“You destroyed the power of our mistress,” she said. “You freed some prisoners who took revenge on all of us who lived on the island. My sister and I… well, we survived. It was difficult. But in the long run, I think we are better off away from that place.”

“Still, I’m sorry,” Percy said. “If I hurt you, I’m sorry.”

Reyna gazed at him for a long time, as if trying to translate his words. “An apology? Not very Roman at all, Percy Jackson. You’d make an interesting praetor. I hope you’ll think about my offer.” (SON 184-185)

 The bit about Reyna having trouble holding herself together and keeping up this image shows a crack in her earlier portrayal, that maybe she isn’t quite as... impassive I think? As she appears while making her ‘offer’ to Percy. It does make me wonder though, how much of this portrayal of her during this scene was a deliberately planned part of her character arc since the beginning, and how much was Rick writing this in the early stages and slowly figuring out her character along the way. In later scenes, especially in later books, it seemed like less of a purely pragmatic offer, and more of one with at least some twinges of actual desire behind it, albeit only twinges (not like she knows Percy that well anyway).

She glanced up at the warship. Her expression turned a little wistful. “You say Jason is aboard… I hope that’s true. I’ve missed him.” (SON 512)

 Even here, though, at the end of SON, the stalwart commander image she tries to project softens a little, and her closeness with Jason, her desire to see him again, is emphasized. Platonic or romantic, she definitely cares for him.

“Enough,” Reyna snapped. “Annabeth is what she says. She’s here in peace. Besides…” She gave Annabeth a look of grudging respect. “Percy has spoken highly of you.”

The undertones in Reyna’s voice took Annabeth a moment to decipher. Percy looked down, suddenly interested in his cheeseburger.

Annabeth’s face felt hot. Oh gods… Reyna had tried to make a move on Percy. That explained the tinge of bitterness, maybe even envy in her words. Percy had turned her down for Annabeth. (MOA 24)

 Here’s where there starts being some pretty strong implications that Reyna did actually care about Percy more personally, her romantic offer was for more than just convenience sake. Especially with the ‘maybe even envy’ part. The bitterness could just as easily be from just the rejection, but the envy implies she actively wants what Annabeth has.

“Uh, Reyna,” Jason said. “if you don’t mind, I’d like to show Piper around before the senate meeting. She’s never seen New Rome.”

Reyna’s expression hardened.

Annabeth wondered how Jason could be so dense. Was it possible he really didn’t understand how much Reyna liked him? It was obvious enough to Annabeth. Asking to show his new girlfriend around Reyna’s city was rubbing salt in a wound.

“Of course,” Reyna said coldly.

Percy took Annabeth’s hand. “Yeah, me too, I’d like to show Annabeth-“

“No,” Reyna snapped.

Percy knit his eyebrows. “Sorry?”

“I’d like a few words with Annabeth,” Reyna said. “Alone. If you don’t mind, my fellow praetor.”

Her tone made it clear she wasn’t really asking permission.

The chill spread down Annabeth’s back. She wondered what Reyna was up to. Maybe the praetor didn’t like the idea of two guys who had rejected her giving their girlfriends tours of her city. Or maybe there was something she wanted to say in private. Either way, Annabeth was reluctant to be alone and unarmed with the Roman leader. (MOA 32)

 Reyna did have some things she wanted to go over with Annabeth privately, but with the emphasis on Annabeth being able to tell how much Reyna likes Jason, her reacting coldly to him asking to take Piper around the city, along with the way she snapped at Percy for asking to take Annabeth around instead of stating her refusal more calmly, her reactions strongly suggest that she IS hurting from seeing both Percy and Jason with their girlfriends, that she does have feelings for them somewhat, and is trying to suppress it.

“Long story,” Reyna said. “But I remember you well. You were brave. I’d never seen anyone refuse Circe’s hospitality, much less outwit her. It’s no wonder Percy cares for you.”

Her voice was wistful. Annabeth thought it might be safer not to respond. (MOA 37-38)

 I didn’t pull quotations emphasizing this specifically, but Reyna’s loneliness and the strain she’s under as a commander, especially having been the lone praetor for so long, is putting her under a lot of stress. I think at least part of the reason for her hints of envy towards Annabeth and coldness about Jason having a girlfriend, is derived from her not really having had the sort of support that Percy and Jason currently have, that intimacy, that ability to drop the walls and image she’s built up in order to lead and to protect herself.

“I wanted to hear it from you,” Reyna said.

Annabeth turned. “Hear what from me?”

“The truth,” Reyna said. “Convince me I’m not making a mistake by trusting you. Tell me about yourself. Tell me about Camp Half-Blood. Your friend Piper has sorcery in her words. I spent enough time with Circe to know charmspeak when I hear it. I can’t trust what she says. And Jason… well, he has changed. He seems distant, no longer quite Roman.”

The hurt in her voice was as sharp as broken glass. Annabeth wondered if she had sounded that way, all the months she’d been searching for Percy. At least she’d found her boyfriend. Reyna had no one. She was responsible for running an entire camp all by herself. Annabeth could sense that Reyna wanted Jason to love her. But he had disappeared, only to come back with a new girlfriend. Meanwhile, Percy had risen to praetor, but he had rebuffed Reyna too. Now Annabeth had come to take him away. Reyna would be left alone again, shouldering a job meant for two people.

When Annabeth had arrived at Camp Jupiter, she’d been prepared to negotiate with Reyna or even fight her if needed. She hadn’t been prepared to feel sorry for her.

She kept that feeling hidden. Reyna didn’t strike her as someone who would appreciate pity. (MOA 38-39)

 The loneliness is really apparent here, and very explicit. I don’t think it’s even really about ‘romantic love’, as far as the whole thing with Jason goes, exactly, but... being that high level of priority. Having someone there for you closely. I think she at least thinks that a romantic relationship with Jason, or even Percy, may provide that. And that’s something most people need, regardless of orientation. 

“You see?” Reyna said bitterly. “The spear is thrown. Our people are at war.”

“Not if I succeed,” Annabeth said.

Reyna’s expression looked the same as it had at Camp Jupiter when she realized Jason had found another girl. The praetor was too alone, too bitter and betrayed to believe anything could go right for her ever again. Annabeth waited for her to attack. (MOA 253)

 Between this sudden attack out of nowhere, Jason disappearing and returning with having bonded with these new people, especially Piper, and having ‘changed’ as she said, no longer having anyone around she’s close to... well. She’s just managing as best she can.

In the center of the line stood Reyna, her metal dogs Aurum and Argentum at her side. Upon seeing her, Jason felt an incredible pang of guilt. He’d let her believe they had a future together. He had never been in love with her, and he hadn’t led her on exactly… but he also hadn’t shut her down.

He’d disappeared, leaving her to run the camp on her own. (Okay, that hadn’t exactly been Jason’s idea, but still…) Then he had returned to Camp Jupiter with his new girlfriend Piper and a whole bunch of Greek friends in a warship. They’d fired on the Forum and run away, leaving Reyna with a war on her hands. (HOH 247)

 I couldn’t find much about Reyna’s relationships with others in HOH since she’s barely in the book. From the looks of things, he’d at least believed that Reyna wanted to be with him actively long-term, something which jives pretty well with previous passages concerning Reyna’s relationship with Jason. Makes me curious how exactly they interacted in the past, what went down between them.

Also more emphasis on Reyna being stressed and on her own. That seems to be pretty heavily associated with anything talking about her love life.

So far in the ancient lands, she’d only seen one place on her wish list: Diocletian’s Palace in Split, and even that visit had hardly gone the way she’d imagined. Reyna used to dream about going there with Jason to admire their favorite emperor’s home. She pictured romantic walks with him through the old city, sunset picnics on the parapets. (BOO 75)

 And then comes Blood of Olympus, where we actually get to see Reyna’s perspective, her thoughts, instead of having to infer them from other characters’ perceptions of her. The daydreaming about going on trips with him and explicitly ‘romantic’ walks and picnics seems like she genuinely desired that to some extent. Though I do notice those are pretty cliche desires, so that may also feed into the part of her arc with feeling pressured to perform a certain way, to ‘be’ a certain way, and believing that this is how to find happiness.

She found Thalia’s eyes distracting: electric blue, intense, and alert, so much like Jason’s. (BOO 221)

 Just wanted to note this bit, since she’s paying special attention to Thalia here, especially her eyes. Though I’m iffy about this representing attraction to Reyna, since Thalia’s eyes are often commented on (at least in their heads) and a major factor in paying attention to them seems to have to do with them being like Jason’s, which could account for the focus.

The giant’s eyes clicked and dilated. Red laser dots floated across Reyna’s breastplate. “Ah, the young praetor. I admit, I’ve been curious. Before I slay you, perhaps you’ll enlighten me. Why would a child of Rome go to such lengths to help the Greeks? You have forfeited your rank, abandoned your legion, made yourself an outlaw – and for what? Jason Grace scorned you. Percy Jackson refused you. Haven’t you been… what’s the word… dumped enough?”

Reyna’s ears buzzed. She recalled Aphrodite’s warning, two years ago in Charleston: You will not find love where you wish or where you hope. No demigod shall heal your heart.

She forced herself to meet the giant’s gaze. “I don’t define myself by the boys who may or may not like me.” (BOO 238)

 It just occurred to me that I really have no clue how Orion knows about Reyna’s love life. Like I know Python can provide some intel, but was that detail REALLY that important? 

Anyway, this statement by Reyna, “I don’t define myself by the boys who may or may not like me.”, is an important step in how she relates to romance in general, and in her portrayal in the series, particularly in the Tyrant’s Tomb. Before this a lot of emphasis was placed on her being rejected by Percy and Jason, and of at least somewhat wanting to be with them in some capacity, or at least believing that she did. After this she seems more at peace with herself and less focused on past or present pursuit of relationships for herself.

“Once in Charleston, Venus told me something. She said: You will not find love where you wish or where you hope. No demigod shall heal your heart. I- I have struggled with that for…” Her words broke. (BOO 492)

 Near the end of BOO, she finally talks to someone about this. A lot of people know, but... well, with the emphasis on how alone she is, how she has to keep up appearances, it doesn’t seem like she’s really gotten a chance to break down and talk to someone. I’m glad she got to do it with Piper. And this proclamation, this prophecy, the seeming hopelessness of it that appears to re-emphasize her being alone, along with implying that she’s broken in some way with the reference to her needing to be ‘healed’... I can only imagine how it would torment her.

Reyna rolled her eyes. “If I had a denarius for every time I got that question… Aside from the fact that Thalia is in the Hunters, and thus sworn to celibacy… why does a strong friendship always have to progress to romance? Thalia’s an excellent friend. Why would I risk messing that up?” (TTT 228)

 By TTT she’s had a lot more time to come to terms with her thoughts and feelings about relationships and romance, plus she’s not alone anymore, though the situation is still dire and stressful. While during HOO her being without support and having to manage everything by herself was interwoven with the narrative about her feelings towards Jason and Percy and her lack of romantic relationships, that’s not present here. In fact, it’s the opposite, with her having a strong friendship and having no desire to turn it into something romantic. It seems like those concepts became unbundled, with her having strong support and friendship unrelated to any romance.

Reyna broke a dry branch off a shrub and flicked it into the underbrush. “I went on that quest with Jason, what, two years ago? Venus took one look at me and decided… I don’t know. I was broken. I needed romantic healing. Whatever. I wasn’t back at camp a full day before the whispering started. Nobody would admit that they knew, but they knew. The looks I got: Oh, poor Reyna. The innocent suggestions I got about who I should date.”

She didn’t sound angry. It was more like weighed down and weary. I remembered Frank Zhang’s concern about how long Reyna had shouldered the burdens of leadership, how he wished he could do more to relieve her. Apparently, a lot of legionnaires wanted to help Reyna. Not all of that had been welcome or useful.

“The thing is,” she continued, “I’m not broken.”

“Of course not.” (TTT 233)

 This conception about “being broken” is something aces tend to end up feeling, at least without knowing more about asexuality. I didn’t get it as much since I wasn’t surrounded with as much emphasis on dating and sex as a lot of other people are, so I started figuring out maybe I was different from most other people only awhile after having run across the term; I just figured it was normal to have this attraction thing start up sometime later, like late teens or so, and that I didn’t exactly know what people were talking about anyway so maybe I just didn’t recognize it. By the time I figured out that I probably wasn’t going to develop this “sexual attraction” thing anytime soon I already knew about different sexualities and was able to research the topic to see what best description best fit my own experience. So I’m glad Rick touched on Reyna’s discomfort here. With some of the earlier passages I think she may have come to view herself the same way other people were viewing her, as needing a romantic partner to help her, but now she’s realized that was never really necessary for her; she doesn’t need that in her life.

After this, the whole scene with Lester awkwardly asking Reyna out occurs, and she figures out how ridiculous all this stress over who she should be with is, that it’s not something she needs to force herself to do, to dedicate all this time and energy too.

“My whole life, I’ve been living with other people’s expectations of what I’m supposed to be. Be this. Be that. You know?”

[…]

“But the whole time I’ve been a leader here,” she forged on, “I was looking for a partner. Praetors often partner up. In power. But also romantically, I mean. I thought Jason. Then for a hot minute, Percy Jackson. Gods help me, I even considered Octavian.” She shuddered. “Everybody was always trying to ship me with somebody. Thalia. Jason. Gwen. Even Frank. Oh, you’d be perfect together! That’s who you need! But I was never really sure if I wanted that, or if I just felt like I was supposed to want it. People, well-meaning, would be like, Oh, you poor thing. You deserve somebody in your life. Date him. Date her. Date whoever. Find your soulmate.”

She looked to me to see if I was following. Her words came out hot and fast, as if she’d been holding them in for a long time. “And that meeting with Venus. That really messed me up. No demigod will heal your heart. What was that supposed to mean? Then finally, you came along.”

“Do we have to review that part again? I am quite embarrassed enough.”

“But you showed me. When you proposed dating…”

She took a deep breath, her body shaking with silent giggles. “Oh, gods. I saw how ridiculous I’d been. How ridiculous the whole situation was. That’s what healed my heart – being able to laugh at myself again, at my stupid ideas about destiny. That allowed me to break free – just like Frank broke free of his firewood. I don’t need another person to heal my heart. I don’t need a partner… at least, not until and unless I’m ready on my own terms. I don’t need to be force-shipped with anyone or wear anyone else’s label. For the first time in a long time, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. So thank you.” (TTT 405-406)

I understand her confusion here about whether she herself wanted to be with someone, or whether she felt like she should enough that she forced some facsimile of those feelings onto herself. I suspect that there were at least twinges of genuine romantic feelings concerning Jason at least -  a lot of the focus around romance is in regards to him, and some of her reactions regarding him appeared to be more instinctual to me, like her reaction to him suggesting showing Piper around the city. Now how strong those feelings really were and whether they’d sync up well with a romantic relationship, I’m not sure. Just because you can imagine a relationship being one way, actually experiencing it you may find it’s not for you, that conceptually it’s appealing but not when actually trying to have one.

She doesn’t seem entirely sure of her own feelings as far as dating someone goes either, but she’s letting go of the idea, of the feeling that she needs to figure it out now. She can just... be. 

When I was first trying to figure out what the heck my orientation was, I fretted about it for a bit, trying to analyze my own feelings and compulsions. I thought demisexual or asexual, and as for my romantic orientation... bi perhaps?

Eventually I just... stopped worrying over it. At least all that much. Pretty sure I’m ace, but romantic orientation I’m still unsure of, though I’m currently leaning aro. And even in my twenties, I’m not totally clear on it. And I don’t have to be. Neither does Reyna. If she ends up with feelings for someone, of whatever gender, that’s fine. If she doesn’t, that’s fine too. Maybe she’ll end up changing what she thinks of herself, what she believes her orientation is as she has more experiences. Or maybe she won’t. It’s good either way.

Joining the Hunters decoupled the themes of loneliness, of isolation from HOO with the idea of romantic relationships even more thoroughly. She has that sort of camaraderie with them. She doesn’t need to be strong for them, to be the high leader. She has that support, along with not needing to be responsible for so many people’s welfare and morale anymore, all without any romantic pressure. She can just chill. There’s a reason she regards it as a vacation. And seriously, good for her!

Side note: based on the focus Reyna has on male characters as possibly being viable partners while not seeming to consider any female characters in the same light, even listing Jason, Percy, and Octavian (though I kinda doubt that was romantic) as ones she considered, but listing Thalia, Jason, Gwen, and Frank as people she was shipped with, I suspect that she’s hetero-leaning. It’s hardly conclusive evidence though, headcanon what you like.

[winteriron-trash]

Some Thoughts On Aphobia

As a disclaimer, this entire post obviously comes from an allosexual queer and these experiences are only second-hand from my view of all of this. This blog is usually a fandom blog, but I felt like talking about this because it’s personal to me, and I think that with the exclusionism of aros and aces rampant in the LGBTQ+ community, I could shed some light on some things with this personal story.

So, I have three sisters. My oldest sister is as hetero as they come (but, a huge ally ofc) but my other older sister is bisexual and I am queer/sapphic. My little sister, well, I’ve personally had theories of her being AroAce for awhile, but I didn’t want to push labels onto her or tell her how to feel. In the end, no matter her sexuality, it’s no one’s place to make assumptions. It doesn’t affect me, as long as she’s happy. 

Recently though, my little sister kept asking me more and more questions about asexuality and aromanticism. She asked about the definitions, the flag colours, all of it. And more recently, she admitted to me that she thought she was AroAce.  I gave her my full support and I was proud of her and all that. I’m a protective big sister, what can I say. (and as an aside, I am aware of the statistical unlikelihood that 3 out of the 4 of my sisters are LGBTQ+ and we all find it hilarious tbh)

Now, here’s the thing. My entire family, though this story will particularly be about my mom, knows I’m queer. They know my older sister is bi. We’ve received nothing but support and acceptance. We went to Pride this year, they helped me get into an LGBTQ+ support group, all of the things. 

So imagine my surprise when my little sister comes out to my parents and my mom immediately shuts her down. She says my sister is too young and immature to make that decision, -mind you, I was 14 when I came out, she’s 16- she said my sister hasn’t found the right person and just doesn’t socialise with people enough to know, and best of all, my mother said that my little sister will get married someday and give her grandchildren.

Now, children having to give their parents grandchildren is a rant on its’ own, but we don’t need to get into it because it’s ridiculous to think that my mother, with four children, the oldest of whom is ENGAGED and has picked out names with her fiance for kids, won’t get grandchildren. But all that aside. 

But aphobia isn’t real, right? To reiterate, my mother supports me to death. But when my little sister comes out as AroAce, suddenly it’s an entirely different matter. I even pointed out the hypocrisy of it to my mother, because it would’ve been horrible of her to say to me I’ll get married to a man someday so she shouldn’t say it to my sister. Do you know what my mom’s response was?

“I just want her to be happy.”

Because that’s the thing with aphobia. We exist in a society where happiness is derived from being in a relationship. We talk about soulmates and other halves and the people that complete us. It’s a different brand of homophobia but derived from the same ideas. Rather than it being that marriage can only be between a man and a woman, it’s that marriage between two people is required for happiness. Sex is required for love, and romantic love is required for a happy life.

To be clear, I don’t hate my mom for this, and I do think she’ll come around. I understand it’s a lot to process, but that’s because we refuse to normalise it. There are LGBTQ+ people who won’t even accept Aros and Aces into the community and act like aphobia isn’t real or that it doesn’t hurt people. They act like I didn’t have to go from comforting my baby sister to screaming at my mother for making my sister come to me, devastated. And trust me when I say my sister was lucky. I know there are Aces and Aros who’ve had it so much worse.

I took my sister to my LGBTQ+ support group. It was nice and we both enjoyed ourselves. When we got back home the first thing she said to me was “You know, it was really nice to tell people I was AroAce and not have to explain what it means.”

My point in all of this to point out that aphobia is very real, and that Aros and Aces need to be accepted into the community. It’s the same thing, the same struggle. People like my sister deserve to feel at home somewhere, and they deserve to have the rest of the community rallying behind them and giving them the platform to help explain to cishets their sexuality so that my sister and others can be left the fuck alone. She doesn’t need sex or an “other half” to be a normal, happy person. No one does. 

So TLDR: if you say Aros and Aces aren’t a part of this community, you will die by my queer sword.  And obviously, my views and opinions on all of this are very limited, as I’m not Aro/Ace. So if any Aros and/or Aces want to add on with their personal experience/opinions. I’d love to hear them and I’ll read them all.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

📂 hmmm let's see... how about Toph?

aw Toph Beifong, how I love you,

Okay. So. First:

Obviously, Toph can tell when people are lying, but much like how the gaang always forgets that she’s blind, they forget that she’s a living lie detector. After the war ends, the kiddos are all obviously traumatized and always ask each other how they’re doing and they usually always say “fine” and Toph can feel that they’re lying but she just... doesn’t do anything. Sometimes it’s obvious a person is lying, but sometimes they can really pull it off and Toph is the only one who knows. She just lets them be, though, because she would want to be left alone too. In her mind, if it was a big enough deal, they wouldn’t say that they’re fine (also because that’s the reasoning she gives herself to not talk about her problems). She doesn’t want to push them.

Eventually, and let’s use Aang here because poor kid suffers so much trauma and no one really talks about that much (myself included, I need to pay more attention to Aang), Aang’s mental health really starts declining and everyone is really worried but Toph always lets it go because she doesn’t want to push him or stress him out. One time, it’s so bad that they ask Toph to out Aang for lying and she just shrugs and says “he wasn’t lying” even though he definitely was.

After a week or two like this, Aang kind of just breaks down and Toph instantly feels guilty because deep down she feels like she could have prevented it, but she didn’t. It’s one of those times when she learns that letting people believe a lie, no matter how good intentions are, is worse and more hurtful than telling the truth.

It kind of starts making her more honest than before. She began by calling everyone out on every little lie until she realized it would probably be better to talk to people in private and I just... mmm... I feel like Toph wields so much power after the war because everyone will always say “I’m fine” and she knows, she knows, they’re lying.

And now for an angsty Toph-related headcanon because I said so:)

Toph’s parents. Mmmm. I have not read the comics and also I heard they were... iffy... so we’re disregarding comics here. Toph’s parents kind of suck. Like, once she talks to them after the war, they treat her like a helpless child again and not the LITERAL HERO she is. She doesn’t live with them, but she wants a relationship with them, even though she physically cannot make her say it out loud. So, eventually she blows up at them and Earthbends and her parents are like “okay, if you’re not a child, then start acting like an adult” and COMPLETELY misread the intention behind what Toph was saying. Ontop of that, they constantly complain about everything to her. Like trivial things. They complain about trivial things to a traumatized child (not to mention they did like nothing during the war smh, they just sat there and were rich). Like, they complain about each other to Toph say all of these things that she never wanted to hear ever and that no parents should actually burden their child with. Eventually she just... stops.

She just never answers letters, never returns to the city, much less the house. And it just... it kills her because she wanted to fix their relationship. She wanted to try and be a family again and she tried. She tried so hard but her parents never pit any effort in.

It was actually Zuko (or Azula...) who kind of made her realize. Like, I’m just gonna say: Sokka and Katara HATE Toph’s parents, like, with a burning passion. Toph offhandedly mentioned some of the terrible things her mom said about her dad and vice versa to the gaang and Katara was about to go give them the biggest lecture they had ever received. Katara lowkey got all mother hen (but sometimes Suki would have to drag her back and be like “you’re smothering her” so Toph wouldn’t feel like Katara was acting like her parents) (and again, Toph would never say it outloud, but she could never think of Katara in that way ever. She’s SUCH a better person than her parents could ever be) and would try and... not be the mother Toph never got to have, but give her the support she never had.

Anyways, Zuko or Azula talk to Toph and are like “take it from one abused child to another, your parents are abusing you” which just confirms the suspicions she had deep down but refused to believe. She was just filled with so much rage because it’s not fair and she was trying so hard but her parents really don’t care about her in the way that they should of and she gave them so many chances to be better but they never took it.

okay so, sadness over, let’s make Toph happy:)

Toph is asexual (and maybe aromantic, unsure as of right now) because I said so:))

Toph takes great pleasure in going to The Jasmine Dragon and just... listening to make sure no one is ever rude to Iroh or any of the other employees ever. If they are, she causes trouble so they can feel ashamed for being mean to people in food service.

no you know what? Am I going too overboard? Yes. Do I care? No. One friendship Toph headcanon for everyone in the gaang.

Aang: Toph and Aang both help remind the other that they’re children because they both forget sometimes. Toph is great at taking Aang away from work and making him take breaks and spend time for himself rather than others. Aang is great at giving Toph the “having friends as a child” experience she never had. He teaches her games he learned from all four nations as a child and sometimes they do really ‘childish’ things like playing bending tag or even like regular tag with each other just because it’s nice.

Katara: oooh the Toph and Katara friendship is one of my favorites in the show. The two are both ridiculously competitive. Like. Out of everyone in the gaang, they are the most competitive (let’s be real, Sokka is too petty and WE NEED TO FOLLOW THE GAMES RULES to be competitive and Zuko just gets angry and rage quits). But eventually, they learn that they’re stronger when they work together and make a competitive truce. So whenever people need to team up for games, they immediately go to each other and they destroy everyone.

Sokka: Sokka and Toph ahhhhh I love them so much. Sokka adopted Toph as his daughter-sister, as in he can’t choose whether he wants to replace her dad and be her dad or be the protective but not overly protective older brother she never had, so he calls himself “father-brother” and everyone hates it, but Sokka was never good at naming things. Also, one time they were really bored, so they decided to try and invent a language that is never spoken, but can be interpreted through Earthbending. Like, different methods of bending meant different things and stuff. It worked... kind of? Sokka likes learning and Toph likes kicking dirt and making people confused about what they were doing. They both have short attention spans, though, so they didn’t get far. They each still remember s=certain things and still talk through it (since Sokka is not an Earthbender, he taps his foot on the ground or kicks dirt a certain way. It’s kind of like morse code, bit different because only Toph can feel the taps).

Suki: Suki Suki Suki I love you! Suki is Toph’s go-to for fake relationships. Like. These two have been in a fake relationship with each other too many times to count. Toph’s parents invite her to a formal event but she needs to bring a date (and also she doesn’t want to go but she wants to repair the relationship)? Suki is her date. Suki needs to attend a royal event because she’s the highest Fire Nation palace guard (because I said so)? Toph comes as her date. A random person is hitting on either of them and they don’t know how to respond without unnecessary violence? Find the other and kiss their face.

Zuko: Zuko and Toph, what a pair. They both find beauty in nature (in different ways, obviously), so they’re walking buddies. They’ve gone on hikes together, like week-long hikes together. They’ll walk around the palace together... sometimes they’ll just sit together in silence because they don’t always need words to be friends.

Azula: (because yes, I am including the three girls): y’all. These two together can scare the entire world. Not just because they are actually insanely powerful, but because they make the most horrific self-deprecating jokes known to man and say it with intense seriousness that everyone has been genuinely worried at some point before they caught on (if it’s serious, they say it as a joke). One time, they both made these depressing jokes at lunch and Aang choked on his food. He didn’t die, but like. He was so unprepared that he choked. What I’m saying is, these two have a really weird relationship that takes place entirely through insults at each other, theirself, and everyone they love.

Ty Lee: Toph was actually scared of Ty Lee at first because of her chi blocking abilities. Not like terrified-scared, but like if you even take one more step towards me I will smash you with a boulder no matter your intentions-scared. Also, Ty Lee was so perky and kind of loud and Toph found that suspicious at first. It wasn’t like an Aang perky or loud, it was like... well, Toph couldn’t explain it (as in, I, op, cannot explain it), but it was a bit overwhelming? And then one time Ty Lee just. randomly visited her at her parents’ house even though they “weren’t friends” and Toph was just ????? but let her come in for dinner anyway because she kind of wanted to see how her parents would react to this peppy girl. Her parents ended up making a kind of snide remark at Toph’s expense during dinner (which was the usual but Toph didn’t realize it was a b u s e) and Ty Lee went off. That’s when Toph knew there were reasons to be terrified of this girl, but she would never be on the receiving end of her fury unless she really deserved it. They have very different family situations, but take pleasure in actually talking about it to each other. Because Ty Lee is a very open person and Toph is not. Toph thinks it’s nice to just let Ty Lee ramble on (kind of like Mai) and Ty Lee thinks Toph gives really good advice and has good insights (plus strives to help her feel more comfortable with her feelings). They become spontaneous buddies and randomly show up at each other’s houses when they’re living at home and it’s just nice.

Mai: last but never least, Mai and Toph! These two. feel for each other. so much. Rich kids, only children, parents who ignore them, ahhhhh, do you smell that? The repression of feelings:) Sometimes, they prefer to just be around each other because everyone else can kind of be overwhelming. They can communicate through few words and they both like throwing things, so they like sparring together a lot, It gives them a chance to throw things with another person who likes throwing things. For them, sparring is like this connection and it’s own method of loving each other (as friends do) and it’s just really nice for both of them.

Okay. I am done. Thank you, Grace, for fueling me.

I love Toph and I don’t give her enough attention.

[gryfon-spanish-werewolf]

Uuh dunno if you would like this prompt : Anna and Elsa as a mythical creatures.

Would love too see what you will write them as ^^

@like-redhead-probably I sat thinking about this ask for a long time, because while I IMMEDIATELY thought of one for Elsa, Anna’s absolutely eluded me. And I know you were probably looking for a story, but I am unable to stop myself from first EXPLAINING my choices xD

I was already thinking about the myth of the Hulder (or huldra if we’re speaking of the creature in general instead of the specific Norwegian myth) for other story-related reasons, and as I did more research, I felt like the Hulder REALLY shared similarities with Elsa.

Generally speaking the huldra is a Scandinavian myth of a pale skinned, blonde or brown haired, attractive young woman who lives in the wilderness, often luring men away with song or dance to be killed or misled, stuck wandering forever. Sometimes she’s connected strongly to water, and instead of making men lost, she drowns them. Sometimes she is described as similar to an elf or fey-like creature, with characteristics related to other Huldufolk (we’ll get to them later) such as living in a parallel world, or a world Underground, and therefore preferring caves or appearing and disappearing suddenly. Sometimes she is depicted as having a hollow back, or a cow’s tail, which she hides out of embarrassment or to conceal her true identity. Which… how cute is that?

Before the 11th century, the myths were focussed more around the Huldufolk, which literally means “Hidden Folk”. There are lots of stories as to why and how the Huldufolk came to exist, but for the purpose of Elsa I think it most appropriate to look at the Christianization of the myths. Why?:

Frozen and Frozen 2 are modern movies made by an American company and Christianity is nigh untanglable with American culture, they take place in ~1840s Norway, F1 has a dedicated place of Christian congregation depicted in said movie, an official royal crowning overseen by a Christian faith leader, and the adaptation of Frozen generally comes from author Hans Christian Anderson and therefore should take his life and society into account, etc.

The Christianized myth says that one day Eve was washing her children (presumably after Cain, Abel, and Seth) in the river, when she heard God approaching. Ashamed that He would see her kids unclean, she hid the half she wasn’t done bathing, and when God asked, “Where are the other children?” Eve claimed that she had all of them present, indicating the clean ones. This gave God pause, but in the end He said, “Then let all that is Hidden, remain Hidden.” The children that Eve lied about became the Huldufolk, unable to live among humans. These people would eventually become characterized as dwarves, elves, fairies, etc., as time and interpretations rolled on, the huldra being just one of many mythical “species”.

So. Who is Elsa? She’s a:

fictional, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned young woman who led thousands of men wlw to wander helplessly into the dark caves and wildlands of social media with a power ballad and a jaw-dropping transformation sequence

Okay I’m joking… mostly…

In fact my interest in choosing the Hulder for Elsa lies purely outside of any romantic or sexual appeal, especially since Elsa as a character exhibits next to 0 romantic or sexual interest across two whole movies and an additional two shorts. Indeed, there’s a reason people headcanon her as either asexual, aromantic, or both! No, the reasons I chose the Hulder are:

Elsa’s name

Her upbringing

Her duty as queen, and

Her general behavior, specifically in regards to Frozen 1, as Frozen 2 Elsa is, at times, an almost completely different character

Elsa’s name was chosen very specifically by the filmmakers because it means “God is my Oath”. Oaths are binding, heavy, and invoke the maker’s or subject’s actions and personhood in the future. In Elsa’s case specifically, it invokes divine witness: perfect for a queen, someone born to rule. A promise to be fair, to uphold, to protect, to lead, to be a dignified and honorable face for the country. And Elsa was so ready to be that… except for the powers of course. Or at least, when they became something other than a magical gift of wonder and joy. When they became dangerous. Then there comes another oath, spoken to powerful creatures of magic, the Trolls, and born from parental fear: “She can learn to control it.”

Binding, heavy, invoking of Elsa’s future. As she grows, Elsa becomes closed off, quiet, hiding in her own home. She still takes her duties seriously, but now that she has been Other’d, taught to hide herself and her curse, she is just as much shadow as person. To young Anna, Elsa must have been almost ghostlike, disappearing right when Anna thought she’d cornered her, only to reappear sometime later down the hall, out of arm’s reach.

God promised Adam and Eve that their children would inherit the earth, even after leaving the Garden of Eden. Then suddenly that changed, due to Eve’s fear and shame of her unwashed children, and some would now inherit Underground, or somewhere else entirely. The lost children of Eve had become Other’d, needing to hide, disappear, and resort to inhuman tactics just to exist. Maybe they’re jealous, maybe they're just tricksters. But it’s not their fault. And it wasn’t Elsa’s either. Another reason they are similar.

Now, it��s not all doom and gloom for the Hulder, or for Elsa. While the Hulder is generally known for her more chaotic and negative attributes - just like our favorite snow queen, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. There are a few myths that say burning a charcoal fire -instead of a coal or gas one- is most pleasing to the Hulder, that she’ll even watch over it during the night, and wake the sleepers in case something happens. If a traveler leaves supplies behind with a note or offering for the Hulder, they will travel safely. In fact, some people leave caches for her, as though to cater to specific requests. Coming across the Hulder by chance can have a multitude of outcomes, but if an astute observer spots her cow tail and mentions it, she may become shy and run away. Don’t mention the empty back though, that’s almost certain death.

Basically my point is… trade out the word “traveler” for the name “Anna” and we can draw all the similarities we want. Anna did all of those things, in a way. Anna gave Elsa a little gift of their favorite snowman every Christmas. Anna knocked on Elsa’s door and spoke to her, treated her kindly despite the distance between them, literal and metaphorical. It’s not hard to imagine that Anna left little notes around the castle, hoping Elsa would find them, read them, and know that Anna still loved her, still missed her. And, well, hopefully Anna wasn’t setting any fires and falling asleep next to them - but Anna always kept a light on for Elsa, in her heart. And it flickered and wavered sometimes, but it was a strong fire most days. And we know Elsa was always drawn to it, drawn to Anna because she loved her right back. Loved her first, even. And because it was a warmth that pleased Elsa, she tended it, quietly, carefully, warmly. Like putting a blanket over an Anna that had fallen asleep in the painting room, refusing that slice of chocolate cake so Anna could have two desserts, and listening, for hours and hours, days and days, for the sound of Anna’s glorious bonfire-like soul outside her bedroom door. Even when her secret was revealed, Elsa believed that the best way to protect Anna’s life, her flame, was to distance herself, running to a secret, special place all her own - much like the Hulder might run away back to the Underground.

And this last part’s just me, but I’d like to think that if the Hulder was treated kindly, respected, and given dignity, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if someone came across her accidentally. That instead of being instantly drowned, or the Hulder becoming sheepish and attempting to run, it would feel recognized. It could be called by name. And instead of feeling the need to hide it’s Otherness, it could be treated as part of it, and cared for just the same. I don’t even need to be subtle here: Anna called Elsa by Name, really saw her, and reframed her darkness into light. Anna hasn’t fought God yet, but she did walk through hell and back for a sister that everyone else saw as a threat, monster, and sorcerer. A category 9 Other. Too bad for them, Anna’s got a Category 10 heart.

Speaking of. We finally got to Anna.

Anna was difficult to pin down because to me, Anna is so very, very human. That’s what makes her special! Yes, yes, you could throw any mythical creature at Anna and the fun part would be trying to make it work within her personality and characterization BUT since the question was Anna AS a mythical creature, that changes the game! The word ‘creature’ itself tends to conjure something distinctly INhuman. So I…. tried, and cheated maybe a little. Because I picked for Anna the Norse Valkyrie.

Most people know what Valkyries are so this one takes significantly less explaining. Valkyries are women that are warriors, shieldmaidens, and the hands of Odin, and they choose who lives and who dies during battle. Their chosen dead ride with them to Valhalla, while those they choose to live are usually granted honors in life. There are the darker sides of Valkyries that paint them as blood hungry maidens waiting on the sidelines before a war, singing the names of who will die with glee… but generally speaking the version of Valkyries that most people know and admire today are accurate! And thank goodness because attempting to depict Anna the other way would probably give me an ulcer.

Anna, much like the Valkyries, is a woman of valor and strength, who is perceptive, guides others, sees into people’s hearts and reveals their goodness. Valkyries are also warriors of prowess themselves, and Anna in Frozen 2 with that ice sword? We all know she was ready to use that for real. She also exemplifies traits that Valkyries both look for and have! Bravery in the face of danger: hello Marshmallow, Elsa’s own blizzard, Hans’ lethal sword strike, LIVING MOUNTAINS, and a damn collapsing.... dam. She also defends those who cannot do it themselves: saying publicly that, “My sister is not a monster… she was scared, she didn’t mean any of this,” even if that cast suspicion or doubt on herself, and the crown, as a whole. Anna knew and believed in Elsa, despite all the years and heartbreak and anger. Despite the impossible magic that literally just happened before her very eyes. Belief in character, despite appearances. And once they were reunited, Anna made every effort to stay by Elsa’s side because she STILL had that faith in her. Anna’s name means “Grace” or “of Grace”, and damn if she didn’t extend that to the person others found most unworthy, even to Elsa herself. Valkyries see what others don’t, and their decisions are final.

[Deep breath] SO! You asked for Anna and Elsa as mythical creatures. You got… a small academic paper, by social media standards xD. I intend to write a little piece about a Valkyrie who encounters the Hulder on the edges of a battlefield and… realizes she never made a choice about this particular woman. And wonders why she can’t ;). BUT I didn’t wanna leave you hanging any longer. Hope you like my choices!

Oh also, nobody asked, but Kristoff is a werebear. No research required

[iamallybee]

Because peeps on my dash are hooked on the Deltadi ship and have got me hooked too, here's a basic outline of how Delta Dawn and Dickory got together in the Gumdrop AU! It also calls back to my other Trolls headcanon posts so you might wanna read those before this one. Putting under the cut because this is looooong!

All his life, Dickory had been told that one day he’ll meet that special someone, he’ll experience certain feelings, of love and intimacy. But Dickory just...never felt it. He felt love for his family but romance? Sexual feelings? It never came to him. During his teenage years, he did feel like he was broken. He felt pressured to start his first relationship, telling himself feelings would come. It...did not end well. In fact, you could say it made him feel more broken than ever.

But then the avalanche happened. Due to the mass loss of yodellers, many of the young adults were pressured to marry and have children quickly to increase numbers and save their culture. In fact, it became a new tradition for yodellers to marry as soon as they turned 18. The only one to refuse this was an 18-year-old Dickory. He may have been shunned a little for his decision (which made him feel worse about his lack of sexuality) but he honestly didn’t have time to think about that anymore. His was still a kid who parents literally just died with a baby brother left behind to take care of. He had no time for marriage, he’d say to the other yodellers. His brother needed him and that is totally the only reason why he couldn’t marry. Throughout his life, Dickory would continue to feel stress and sadness, not knowing about being ace/aro and still believing there was something wrong with him. But at least he has Hickory and his new bounty hunting job to distract him.

Anyway, TWT happened and as soon as Delta found out that Hickory was really two trolls disguised as one country troll imposing on her beloved town, she had them arrested and put on community service for a unspecified amount of time. So she and Dickory did not have the best start in the slightest.

Hickory was soon made to do a report on Pop Trolls and left for Pop Village (and thus beginning his own romance with Poppy and Branch but that’s another story). Dickory was made to stay and do humiliating duties (like clean up after the livestock) while enduring the mockery of the locals and the ridiculously high heat. The only good/kind of less worse thing he saw in this was the fact that Delta’s niece, Clampers, was strangely drawn to him. She would nag and ask him questions about why he has two legs, what are those stumpy things on your hooves and can I bite them? Annoyed initially, he soon warmed up to her as she reminded him of Hickory when he was a child. Their friendship reached a point where they even started playing together. Delta witnessed this one day and maybe, just maybe, her heart may have melted. But only a little.

One day, after a restless sleep, Dickory decided to take a walk about town in the early hours of the morning. His was surprised when his keen ears picked up on a faint, mournful song from the cemetery. He found Delta singing with tears in her eyes to the grave of her sister. After awkward small talk, they both open up about the loved ones they've lost and how it changed them. They found their experiences to be remarkably similar (Delta lost her sister in a mining accident and was left to raise her daughter) and from that point on, they began to grow closer.

Over the next several weeks, Dickory began to actually care about the Lonesome Flats community and his service became a lot more voluntary and a lot less punishing. He would help the elderly, fix up anything that needed fixing, even learned how to herd up the livestock (although his first attempt was a complete hilarious disaster that Growley Pete just loves to tease him about). The locals soon began to think of him as one of their own and gained their respect, in turn gaining Delta's trust.

Delta and Dickory's friendship grew in that time too. In the beginning, she would order him to do certain task or else she would make him do something much more humiliating which used to tick him off. Now, she would ask him or else she would 'threaten' him to make him clean out Growley Pete's hooves, which he would respond with a sarcastic comment with a smile. They were pretty much very buddy-buddy. But the locals weren't blind to the underlying romantic tension between them.

Delta absolutely knew she was having romantic feelings for Dickory but she was at first hesitant. Country trolls are the type to take romance on head first and confidently but she was afraid of scaring him off so decided to bide her time for the right moment. Not exactly made easy when her parents totally shipped them and would try everything in their power to embarrass Delta enough into confessing.

Dickory, on the other hand, didn't know what to feel. Sure, he liked Delta now but she was just a good friend to have a drink and a laugh with, throw sarcastic comments at, arm wrestle with, share personal and past trauma history with, stare at and wish to touch her stupid big beautiful hair, want to hold close to-uh oh!

Suddenly it was like he was a teenager again but this time it was different. He liked her but it can't be THAT kind of love. It didn't exist for him, remember? He couldn't feel that love for anyone because he never did and it would never happen. She's a friend you care a lot about and that's it. Besides, even if there were feelings (which there weren't), it would be best if nothing happened because come on, she would never want someone who didn't like...well, y'know.

Basically, Dickory's in denial pretty hard.

Anyhow, the country trolls have a pretty big shindig one evening where there's plenty of dancing, laughing, drinking and fun. Both Delta and Dickory were having a great time but just as buddies, right? 

However, at one point in the early hours of the morning, they found themselves alone together and Delta, in a drunken stupor with all logic thrown out the window, confesses and boldly kisses Dickory. And then she passed out.

In the days following, things were very awkward. Delta remembered the kiss and was horribly embarrassed for being so careless. She decided it was best if they actually sat down and talked about it like adults. Only problem? Dickory was now deliberately avoiding Delta. He didn't want to ruin the friendship they already had but he also didn't want to have the conversation he knew was inevitably coming.

Finally, a frustrated Delta decided to f this and confront Dickory head on. A huge argument blew up between them (which temporarily cleared out the town) which culminated to Delta demanding to know why he doesn't want to be with her and Dickory yells back 'BECAUSE I'M BROKEN, DAMMIT!'

Silence.

After the shock, the pair of them calm down enough for Delta to gently encourage him to explain further. Dickory shakily and tearfully admits his unresolved negative feelings about his asexuality, the yodellers pressure on him to marry, how much its affected him and how wrong he's truly felt all these years and yet he somehow has feelings for Delta that he doesn't understand and how he can't be the man she wants him to be or give her what she would ultimately want.

Shocked, Delta tells him that she's sorry she ever made him feel this way but she only wants Dickory to be himself and if being himself means that he can't give her certain things then that's okay because she loves him just as he is.

But Dickory, still confused, emotional and a stubborn old goat, decides this is the best time to run off and return home.

Heartbroken, Delta writes to Hickory that his community service is up and he is free to return to his home. She tries her best to continue her duties as mayor but everyone can tell she greatly misses Dickory.

When the brothers reunite back to their homes, they also try to move on as normal but both of them have a lot to think about in terms of the things they went through recently (again, Hickory had his own romantic shenanigans going on as well). One night, the two of them talk about what they went up to in the past weeks and realise that the other has experienced love and are too stubborn to admit it. They even have a big sibling argument about it. I mean whose dumb enough to not look past their own insecurities and see that they are loved and they love them back and they shouldn't let the past hold them down in finding happiness and - oh, I see what's happening here!

Anyway, its agreed upon that Hickory and Dickory should return to Lonesome Flats and Pop Village to confess their feelings to their respective loved ones and not see each other until they do or someone's ass is getting beat (y'know, normal sibling pact stuff).

So

In true spaghetti western style, Dickory returns to Lonesome Flats. He stares Delta down from one side of town to the other, locals watching with baited breath. He yells to Delta for the whole town to hear, that he was an idiot for running away and that he wasn't sure how they were going to figure things out in the future. But he's here now, he's not running away anymore and he loves her too.

Delta, without saying a word, storms up to Dickory, picks up up from under the arms and gives him a great, big, long overdue smooch to the cheers of the townsfolk and the cries of 'FINALLY' from her parents and niece (meanwhile, Growley Pete starts collecting bets).

Anyhow, Dickory moves to Lonesome Flats, eventually marries Delta, adopts Clampers as his niece, is fully content with being demiromtic/asexual, yada yada, happy ending, mwah! (I am a master of storytelling)

[no-longer-an-alley-cat]

A myth (or collection of myths) for a goddess of a particular pantheon heavily inspired by @thestalkerbunny’s “Grandmother Beetroot” comic.

Tabha is the goddess of familial ties and volcanoes. Within the pantheon she is associated more with the sun god, which means that she does not abide outright lies and does not kill.

Also worth noting: Rozia is the goddess of privacy, medicine, and magic, and the River Zed is domain of Zayla, an aromantic, asexual goddess whose preisthood serves a legitimate way for people to escape the obligations of marriage in this setting. ‘Jadda’ is an anglicisation of the Modern Standard Arabic for grandmother.

Jadda Tabha

Jadda Tabha lives high up on the slopes of the mountain, growing her crops in the rich volcanic soil. She does not live alone; the hunting cats and soaring eagles keep her company and she keeps many hives. When people ask her about what sort of company such wild companions can provide, she laughs and tells them that the creatures help her keep an eye on things. She never specifies what things.

Jadda Tabha has a mane of grey hair that glimmers with gold when the sun hits it. It frames her face like an old lion’s mane, making her stone-grey eyes seem fiercer and her olive-brown skin more weathered. This is merely an appearance, however, she is always pleasantly warm whatever the weather and gives the best hugs. 

Like many old people, Jadda Tabha moves slowly. She makes her way down the mountainside at the same steady pace in torrential rain as she does in the blistering sun. Travellers who have accompanied her up or down say that the paths she knows are less steep than the ones they can find on their own. Children who take it into their heads to attempt to climb to the peak are guided back down in less time than it takes to organise a search party with their scrapes tended to and their fears soothed by a piece of honey candy.

If you make the journey up to Jadda Tabha’s hut, you can hear the magma inside the mountain bubbling away in the crater further up the track and it sounds almost like a huge cauldron. She smiles when people tell her this and says that she has no need for a cauldron that big, she is only cooking for herself. Much of the food she grows she gives to the village people — she says she plants so much to give the bees something to do.

It is easy to talk to Jadda Tabha. She is a solid presence.

Dependable.

Once she overheard a young man boasting that he would marry only the ugliest eligible person because they were sure to be grateful and not ask him to do work around the house. Jadda Tabha gave him a cream to rub on his face before bed that would surely make even the prettiest person grateful to marry him.

He did so but noticed no change, so he when he next saw Jadda Tabha in town, he accosted her. “The cream did not work,” he told her. “I haven’t received any proposals since I used it.”

“Ah,” she said in her slow and steady way, “what did you do in the waking hours before you used the cream?” The man spluttered that he didn’t see how it mattered, but under her inexorable stare he admitted that he had spent the days lying around his parents’ house and drinking with his friends. Jadda Tabha clucked her tongue. “The cream requires the sweat of a day’s labour to work,” she explained. “Do you have a patch of land to clear, perhaps?”

“Why?” the young man demanded, brash like young men often are. “What sort of medicine are you giving me that requires me to help it?”

“Would you rather I give you someone else’s sweat to rub on your face?” Jadda Tabha asked, and the man admitted that he would not. 

And so he went to work, tilling the plot of land his ageing parents struggled with and applying the cream to his face each night. Each day he needed to do slightly more work to work up a sweat, and before the tub was half done he was tending to the farm all by himself and attracting many admiring glances from those that valued a committed partner who knew how to moisturise. 

One time a pair of feuding siblings came to her, a frosty silence hanging between the two broken only by pointed remarks made to a third party. It was difficult to tease out the reasons for the broken relationship, but Jadda Tabha was patient and while the siblings broke their silence to scream at each other she pieced together that a new baby sister was at the centre of the current storm. The elder sibling, having moved out before the arrival of the sister, accused the younger of trying to keep her away from the baby while the younger accused her sibling of trying to ‘steal’ her little sister from her.

“A baby is not a toy,” Jadda Tabha said, easily making her voice heard over the warring siblings. “Just because she can’t talk yet doesn’t mean that she’s an object to be stolen.”

“Yes, Jadda Tabha,” the siblings chorused, showing that they had been taught their manners, at least. But Jadda Tabha discerned that these were just words, and the sentiments here would not be so easily changed.

“Perhaps there is a way to test which of you is best equipped to play with this child,” she said carefully. “There are a few kittens I have been nursing after their mother tragically died. You will each take one and look after it for three nights; when you return them they will tell me which of you did the better job.”

The siblings agreed eagerly, enthusiasm waning slightly when Jadda Tabha presented them with a pair of fuzzy cheetah cubs rather than the housecats they had expected. After listening intently to Jadda Tabha’s instructions, they took the cubs home, each determined to procure the very best toys for the small creatures.

They spent their respective evenings keeping the cubs entertained with feathers and balls, but when night fell, they did not grow less active. They squeaked constantly and wriggled out of blankets, no matter how cosily they were arranged. They refused to eat, seeming to prefer instead to stand at the window and cry piteously at the moon. For such small creatures, they seemed capable of shockingly piercing cries. Finally, the younger sibling bundled her cub up and rushed to her other sibling, finding her in a similar sleepless predicament. 

No sooner had she entered the home of her eldest sibling than the cheetah cub had wriggled itself free, flung itself on the other, and soon the pair of them lay in a purring heap. The eldest sibling silently made up a bed for her younger sibling and the two of them went to sleep as quietly as possible.

The very next day, they returned the cubs to Jadda Tabha.

“We see what you were teaching us,” the elder sibling said respectfully. “When we force each other away, we bring suffering.”

“And that something small and cute can be insufferable,” the younger added.

“I’m glad to see you are such fast learners,” Jadda Tabha said, lifting a cub into her lap. “Though I half hoped I could spend another two nights without little claws tearing up my floors.”

The siblings accepted the compliment and beat a hasty retreat before Jadda Tabha could think of more lessons that could be learnt by fostering cheetah cubs.

Once a young woman climbed the mountain to knock on Jadda Tabha’s door. She accepted the cup of honeyed tea that she was offered, but almost before the proper observances had been made she requested a healing balm. Her excuses about being clumsy and prone to accidents shattered on Jadda Tabha’s stony stare and before she knew it she was detailing her husband’s rages, how he told neighbours that she was crazy and made her half believe it herself, how he never hit her where it showed. Jadda Tabha clucked her tongue. 

“Ah, child,” she said, “this is more hurt than one of my balms can heal. Why don’t you head east, where a temple of Rozia sits on the banks of the River Zed? They will be able to help you more there.”

“Oh, but my husband!” the woman cried. “He will be angry that I’ve been away as long as I already have been.”

“Don’t fret, child,” Jadda Tabha said, getting to her feet in her slow and steady way. “I will explain to your husband.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” the woman said. But Jadda Tabha would hear none of it, providing her with provisions and sending her on her way before she made her own journey to the village. The young woman and her abuser lived on the outskirts of the village, so it was not as long a walk as it might have been. Jadda Tabha did not hurry, however, and arrived just as night began to fall.

As soon as the man heard footsteps on the porch he started shouting, only to stop and stare in disbelief when the door opened to reveal Jadda Tabha. “Where is my wife!” he demanded, scowling.

“Away,” Jadda Tabha said calmly. “I’ve come to tell you that she will not return for some time. Possibly ever.”

“Where did she go? What did she say to you? The dumb bitch is always lying,” the man sneered. 

“I know a lie when I’m told it,” Jadda Tabha said, her grey eyes sharpening to something more like steel. “You should worry less about what she has told me and more about what you are telling me now.”

“Insolent old woman!” the man proclaimed and he moved to hit her, as he had learned that this was a way to escape truths that he’d rather not hear. This is not true.

And, particularly in the case of Jadda Tabha, a mistake.

The man screamed as his hand broke across the old woman’s cheek. “You would be better off beating the mountain,” Jadda Tabha said as the moon rose in the east and the air rang with the cries of night hunters. She sighed, looking down at him as he sat crying in his own doorstep. “Ah, what am I to do with you, child? The priests of the sun would have you do penance, the priests of the moon would have you hunted. Either way, you would end up dead.”

“Mercy,” the man begged and Jadda Tabha raised an eyebrow.

“You ask for mercy? You, who hurt those you think can’t or won’t hurt you back? Who spread lies to hide your misdeeds? You ask me for mercy? Very well.” Jadda Tabha stepped back, holding the man in place with her steely gaze. “Perhaps you will be redeemed, after all. But if you harm another living being, it will be the end of you.”

And with that, Jadda Tabha turned him into a bee; another worker for her hives.

It is said that if a person is being abused by their family or lover and can not make the trek up to Jadda Tabha’s hut, it is enough to tell the bees. Even if uttering the words is too much, it can be worthwhile setting up a hive. The bees are eager to earn Jadda Tabha’s forgiveness. They help her keep an eye on things.

[cyans-imaginarium]

Long rant, because I can’t keep all these things inside anymore.

my mother, upon learning I am asexual:

“You can’t be asexual, sex is a need like hunger and thirst”

“I do not understand asexuality, therefore it cannot exist”

“You are just afraid of sex”

“Maybe you’ve been a victim of sexual abuse?”

“Maybe some psychiatrist can fix it?”

“Don’t rule out sex like that, noone’s going to approach you and you’ll never have a normal relationship” (well, isn’t that the whole POINT)

“When you have some good cock you’ll forget all the asexuality nonsense” (she legitimately said that. EW.)

“Being a whore would have been better”

“But when will you get a real boyfriend?”

“How do you know you don’t like sex if you’ve never had it before?” (well, you can’t force an allergic person to eat a handful of peanuts just to see if they’re still allergic to them.)

“You’re secretly gay”

“Since you aren’t having sex, it cannot be love; it’s just friendship” (...and of course you know what I feel towards my S.O better than I do, and you have the right to judge whether i love him or not)

“But so many people would love to bang you” (EW, are you my pimp?)

my mother, upon learning I am agender/transmasculine and dating another trans man:

“You are a lesbian and you’re just afraid to tell me” (judging from everything below, even if I were, would anyone wonder WHY I’d be afraid to tell her)

“I’ll be ridiculed by the whole neighborhood if anyone learns that, you’ll ruin my life, I’ll commit suicide because of you.” (writer’s note: she wouldn’t. She just said it to try and manipulate me into... not being trans? Also, given the fact that I have struggled with suicidal ideation for years and tried end my life a couple times, her using suicide as a means of manipulation is not only useless -since i can see through it as clear as day-, it’s also disrespectful to my struggles and the pettiest thing to do all around. Even if she des mean it, though, as you’ll see later on, that would actually be the BEST outcome for me)

“I’m ashamed of you”

“I don’t want to have two perverts in my house, what if someone sees them holding hands? What if she (meaning me) starts introducing herself and the other one (because clearly my boyfriend doesn’t deserve to be called by his name) by male names? We will be ruined.”

“You have disgraced and betrayed all the values I’ve ever tried to teach you” (writer’s note: homophobia/transphobia/acephobia aside, she’s also a hardcore nationalist and racist; and tried to pass her ideas down to us for years.)

“A family found their son dead out of a window recently and they didn’t even go to recognize the body; later they refused to even provide him a proper burial. Good for them. He was probably a fag and committed suicide. That’s what I am going do to you. I’ll disown you and later when they find you dead from some drug overdose on a park bench I won’t even bury you.”

“You don’t have a mother anymore, you never had one”

“I’ve given up everything for you and that’s how you repay me” (as if i’m doing something just to piss her off”

The rest of the times when she’s not in a mood to cuss, she behaves as if nothing of this has ever happened, as if I’m not ace/trans/agender and as if I do not have the right to be angry and never want to see her again. To the outside world she treats me as if i’m the model offspring, as if she’s proud of everything I’ve ever done and as if she’s entitled to take credit for all my accomplishments.  If she’s angry she’ll just find a way to present herself as the victim of whatever situation and me as the ungrateful son of a bitch who never appreciates all she’s done for me.

...And all this when I am supposed to have absolute concentration and clarity of mind in order to write my thesis.

By the way, she DOES believe she’s the perfect mother, who has never done anything wrong in our upbringing. How both me and my twin sister ended up with clinical depression, anorexia and suicidal ideation is beyond her. How my sister got caught perpetually in abusive relationships because she was perpetually abused at home both physically, verbally and psychologically is beyond her; even worse, she blames her for being “too stupid and weak to allow to be treated like that”. She never admits to beating us both, and when we bring it up she adamantly persists that “we are both making it up” and that “it wasn’t so bad, since she didn’t break our bones and we didn’t end up in the hospital”. On top of all that, she blocked us from the outside world and asking for help, by constantly saying that “we shouldn’t trust anyone else”,  “all else will try to manipulate and harm us” and “she’s doing all this for our own good, because noone else knows or wants what’s best for us other than her”. Quite ironic, since noone has ever damaged and betrayed me worse than her -and I’ve been bullied during all my school years. If I’d have to trade the whole class beating me up with never having her for a mother, I’d do it. GLADLY. 

This post could go on and on and on, if I were to sum up all the things she has done but never admitted, under the pretext that “her intentions were good”. But I think it’s pretty safe to say that she’s the worst person I’ve ever had the misfortune of knowing. If I ever tell her that, she’ll tell me “it’s all in my head”, “i’m making it up” and “i think of it like that because I’m sick”. Well, it’s depression I have, not paranoid schizophrenia to make things up. I’m a fucking psychologist myself. I would know. Besides, how much of a coincidence would it be that both me and my sister are making up the same things?

 I don’t know what else to say or do with her, I’m in the dark about how I should deal with a person like that and how I am supposed to tell her to go to hell and stay out of my life, since she has destroyed whatever she has touched already. 

[meteor752]

Obi-Wan’s padawan that I accidentally created and ended up liking (This title is terrible)

My friend, Vera, who cosplayed as Ahsoka during Halloween, found out I had this blog and checked it out. Her favorite post out of them was about Obi-Wan’s Padawan loving Maul, and she asked me to make them a character.

So yeah, we sat down together with Kim, who played Obi-Wan, and started talking about directions to take this character. If you don’t like it, then good for you.

Oh, and I realized that we never came up with a name or gender, so I’m making it a She because I wrote out their whole “Family Tree”, and there’s a lot of males, and her name’s gonna be Vera cuz this was her idea

So yeah, Vera River was born somewhere on Wecacoe by an unknown mother. This unknown bitch of a mother sold her quickly, as she wanted nothing to do with poor Vera, so Vera grew up being sold left and right to different slave owners.

Growing up like this, Vera became a very quiet and scared little girl, because if she talked then it was chains. She hated being in chains, and even later in her life, she refuses to wear things like bracelets as it reminds her of it.

This continued until she was five years old, where there was some mission to Wecacoe by two Jedi and she was accidentally stumbled upon and brought to the Jedi temple. And as you might have guessed, the two who stumbled upon her was a 12 year old Anakin and a 28 year old Obi-Wan Kenobi. Because of the fact that she was saved by the two, she started to idolize them like you wouldn’t believe and made sure to keep up on what was going on in the two’s life.

Vera was put in a clan like every Jedi youngling, and in her case the cobra clan (Again, how do they name these?? We just made this name up). Because of the first five years of her life, it did make her a bit insecure and jumpy, which was easy to pick on by her clanmates.

The cobra clan consists of a Pau’an male named Timoa, a Devoranian male named Kaltin, a Kel dor female named Tiivia, a Mon Calamari named Meeka and a female Chiss named Amore. Vera did not get along with either Timoa, Kaltin nor Amore, but Tiivia and Meeka were nice.

Vera herself is from an unknown species (Don’t try to look it up, my friends and I made it up), that is sort of near-human. Her skin is chalk white, french braided hair is ebony black and eyes mud brown with a single peck of Amber. She looks relatively human, the only really abnormal thing is that her arms are a little extra long, and sharp fangs instead of teeth.

The thing is, she has a “Beast” form. When she feels threatened or scared, her outward appearance completely changes.

Her limbs grow longer, her back curves so she has to walk on four legs and her jaw can unhinge when she snarls, hisses or roars. Her mouth is unable to form real words, so instead she sends them telepathically into whoever she is talking to’s brain. The top of her head is formed into a sort of tentacle mass, and two extra arms come out of her back. The worst thing though if you ask her, the worst thing is the eyes. Upon the tentacles, there are almost two dozen covering them, and multiple appear and disappear on her body all the time. It is creepy and confusing on so many levels.

Vera is extremely shamed of the beast, and no one in the Jedi council knows of it except for Master Fisto.

During her clan’s first swim class when she was around nine, Timoa pushed her into the water and the beast emerged, as Vera is deeply terrified of water. Master Fisto comforted her, the sweetheart he is, and promised to keep it a secret. He also made the rest of her clan, who were terrified, keep the same promise. After that day, she had gained a lot more respect from her clan, and she overcame her fear of water.

During her gathering, after having to climb up a wall she could only do as the beast, she instead of founding one crystal, found two. Confused as ever, she climbed back down with the two crystals tightly in her grasp and made it out of the cave, first in her clan as well.

Back on the ship while looking at lightsaber types, she stumbles upon something called a Light Whip and falls in love. So yeah, this sweetie now has two blue light whips, good luck defeating her.

But like, a week or two after Ahsoka, aka the clone wars movie and stuff, Obi-Wan once again requested a Padawan, and after seven years Vera once again met her hero.

And she was his Padawan. Great, time to panic.

Over the course of seven years at the temple, she had done her fair share of research on Master Kenobi and holy kriff this guy can’t catch a break, can he. 

So she decided to put up a bubbly, happy exited facade so he won’t have to deal with the mess of a being she is. 

The two of them actually ended up getting along quite well, despite Vera putting him on a pedestal all the time. They joked and sassed out each other, but they also fought together perfectly. 

Vera and ‘Soka got along as well, with both being new Padawans and not too large of an age difference. They became like sisters, and more than once referred to each other as such.

Ani on the other hand...they didn’t exactly hate each other, they just..did not...get along. Vera still admired him greatly, he did help with her rescue as a five year old after all.

During a mission where just the two of them ended up stuck in a ship in the middle of space for a couple of hours, Vera tried an Ice Breaker to get to know each other better.

They ended up really getting to know each other though, as they both vented about their past and feelings -Ani about his jealousy for Vera being a better Padawan than he could ever be and his anger for the Jedi council, and Vera about bottling up her feelings- and then cried. After that they had a better connection and became sort of slave buds. They never called themselves that though, cuz that is weird.

Oh, remember this? Yeah, if Vera was present she would have been discussing that with them, as she is easily distracted.

 After that though, she started pondering about their actual lineage and how wide it goes, so yeah she started her research, and after a couple of months she had mapped out everything and was on multiple masters radar.

The only people she Officially showed were Master Kenobi, Ani and ‘Soka, but she did slip from time to time and just accidentally showed someone to prove a point. 

After ‘Soka by mistake called Ani dad (A headcanon of mine, you can’t tell me it didn’t happen at least thrice) she did another family tree, but this time of how she viewed her family, and since both the 501st and 212th are apart of it she had to get to know the name of every clone trooper in both battalions that have ever lived. 

It. was. torture. But worth it!

This one was more personal though, and only a few people knew about it. And anytime Ani and Master Kenobi had a “moment”, she may or may not have squealed a bit because the tree ‘Soka! The tree!

This also created the inside joke of Master Kenobi and Vera from time to time calling each other “Dad” and “Daughter”, mostly to tease Ani and ‘Soka, but also because they had made a bond over their time together.

Even though she viewed both Master Kenobi and Ani as her father figures, Vera still really liked Satine and just thinks that she and Master Kenobi should hook up already.

She’s also one of the very few people that are unaware of Senator Amidala and Ani’s marriage, but she still thinks they would be a cute couple.

Ummmmm, what do we more have...she’s Aromantic Asexual! She just doesn’t see Romantic Love as necessary to her, and Sex will forever be destroyed for her thanks to her history as a slave, cough cough.

Her diet mainly consists of bugs when she’s unable to go hunting. This grosses Master Kenobi out like you wouldn’t believe, cuz great now there’s two of them. Ani and ‘Soka approves.

When she is on a forest planet though, then she gladly sneaks away to go hunting. It’s not that she’s not allowed, persay, it’s just that most of the time parts of The Beast is shown.

If she sees that it is safe enough, she sometimes lets the beast out for a run, mostly because if she doesn’t and keeps it hidden for too long she becomes aggressive, and she fears that it might appear out of nowhere.

I realized after this was finished that fuuuuck, this means I have to add what Vera was doing during every episode both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka is in fucking kill meeee. So yeah, this is not discussed with either Kim nor Vera, this is only me. Surprise Mother Fuckers.

And I won’t explain every arc, as most times she was just standing around or fighting.

During Mortis she was unconscious. I rewatched the episodes for this, and realized that there is no way to add her without changing major plot points. So yeah, after Ahsoka and Kenobi fall asleep in that cave and have their visions, she does too but doesn’t wake up until they’ve left Mortis. I will explain why later

Slaves of Zygerria she just takes Rex’s place basically, since she’s an ex-slave and doesn’t want to be put back into that. This backfires however as they are put into the slave camp, and suffer terrible nightmares after it for months. Lot of cuddles with Ahsoka if ya know what I mean

During the Citadel Arc, she actually follows orders and stays behind, Ahsoka!

She goes into depression during the Hardeen ordeal and didn’t leave her quarters. No one blamed her for that.

Alright let’s address the elephant in the room here.

She found out at an early age about Maul killing Master Kenobi’s master, and at first she was as shocked and terrified as most younglings were, because A Sith?! We thought those were dead!!

But then she was actually showed a picture of Maul, and holy shit this guy looked cool!!

Like, she has seen Zabraks before, obviously, but damn! The way his dark tattoos looked against his red skin, the glowing eyes, the tattoos just !! Wow!!

It got even worse when she first found out about his red double-bladed lightsaber, that made him look even cooler!

More than once after Vera became Master Kenobi’s Padawan did she ask about the Sith, as vaguely as she could, but her master didn’t really like talking about it and she accepted that.

When she found out that he was alive though...holy shit...

‘Soka could literally not make her stop talking about it, and Vera waited not so patiently day after day until finally, finally, her master told her that they were dealing with a “Maul Issue”.

Callback to this, she freaked out, Maul and Savage were confused as hell and Master Kenobi was just. what. the fuck. why. is this. happening to me.

On their way back to the temple, bloody and bruised, more Master Kenobi then Vera as Savage had a very hard time fighting her, he asked what the kriff that was.

So yeah, Vera started rambling about how fucking awesome she thought Maul was, the same with his brother who she found out existed two hours earlier, and that she really wanted a double bladed saber and Master Kenobi just being like this is really not what I meant, stop idolizing them.

She acts similar around Mr. Ohnaka, who finds great joy in the little Kenobi and gladly answered all of her questions about being a Pirate when they meet.

Now, Vera isn’t all happy feeling of course. Just like everyone else, she suffers negative feelings as well, and in her case they are quite...extra.

She has a bad habit of tapping into the dark side of the force, sometimes out of anger, sometimes fear, and sometimes just because it’s the easiest way. If you are able to kill someone by force choking them to end the mission, why shouldn’t you? It doesn’t make you a bad person, right?

Well, it did however turn on her after she turned fourteen, two years after she was assigned to Master Kenobi, and just a few months before the Jedi Purge (Also before ‘Soka’s trial)

A small stealth mission, Master Kenobi and Ani with their two Padawans and a handful of clones, was surprised by a full on assault. The four of them nearly got killed that day.

But a wall inside Vera broke, and every ounce of the Dark Side of the force inside of her was set free, which meant that parts of The Beast were shown.

Vera herself lifted off the ground, together with every droid in front of her, and then they all were crushed at once.

When Vera’s feet were back on the ground once again, and she looked back at the three near unconscious bodies, it was instead of her two mud brown eyes six pitch black one, two on her cheekbones and two on her forehead.

She smiled back at them, showing off her fanged teeth, but she was met with faces of horror. That was when the true realization of what she had done hit her, and The four extra eyes melted back into her skin. Horrifying sight, truly.

She was silent on the way back to the Jedi temple, ‘Soka trying to ask her what happened, but she simply just shook her head.

It was the same in front of the council, she refused to speak so Master Kenobi had to explain what happened. Master Fisto also ended up telling them about the beast, reluctantly, and only after gaining a silent nod from her.

She was expelled that day.

Left silently, didn’t speak to her master, brother Padawan nor sister.

(Alright, I want y’all to take the next thing with a grain of salt. Vera, Kim and I had fun with the idea, and it was mostly a joke, but I’m going to share it anyways. Oh and also, I would recommend reading this beforehand, as use that headcanon, thanks!)

Barely a week or two after she left for Wecacoe trying to find anything about what the kriff she was, she started to feel a presence. It was weak and vague, but one thing was sure.

It was dark.

So Vera sat down in meditation position in front of a candle, as she had always found that that helped, and started to meditate in the dark side of the force.

Barely an hour into doing this it was there once again, more evident this time. When she opened her now six eyes, she locked eyes with a barely solid being, whose eyes shone with gleam and amusement. A being she had only briefly seen before it had knocked her unconscious for who knows how long a year prior in Mortis.

The Son

As any sane person she stood up and ignited her whips, asking how and why he was there.

So he explained who she was.

A fucking force wielder, created fourteen years ago in an attempt to create a being as powerful as him to balance how to ever growing light side of the force. His daughter.

After a lot of convincing and ifs and buts, Vera actually agreed to follow to Mortis as the embodiment of the Darkside, just so she can balance everything out. 

(Personal headcanon of mine, the moment a force wielder dies another one is created, if one doesn’t already exist that is. So yeah, she also agrees to find her one year old cousin and brings him there no she did not kidnap him hush).

The Jedi council notices the small shift in the force, and Kenobi, Skywalker, and Tano eventually figures out Mortis, and thanks to the fact that Anakin is a Force Wielder himself (I will never stop believing that), they manage.

The three of them expect to find the Son, or something like him in the Cathedral.

Instead, they find Vera on the floor meditating, her eyes dark and ominous and red markings over her white skin.

They questioned it, obviously, and she explained who and what she was. They didn’t believe her, why would they, and thought that the Son had just manipulated her. This angered her a little as the son, her father, had passed away just a few days earlier. A force manifestation doesn’t make it for that long without a body, and he had fulfilled his purpose by bringing her there.

She offered them to stay, and if they would declined she didn’t want them returning. They refused, and Vera snapped, attacking.

She nearly killed Ahsoka. She stood above her, her whips way to close to the Togrutas throat, eyes once again pitch black and fangs glimmering in the small light that was let in.

Anakin saved her life by slicing up Vera’s mouth, completely destroying parts of her lips. Everything stopped inside of Vera for a second as she was thrown back, blood pouring down her face. A force wielder could not die unless it was of the dagger, but physical damage could be caused to them.

The rage flooded inside her veins, and when she looked up back at her former master, brother padawan and sister, her eyes were neither black nor brown. They were red, and had no sign of her usual kind and happy nature left in them.

Vera lifted the three of the ground, and as angry tears streamed down her face she yelled at them to never return or she would end their life immediately, and then forced them out of Mortis. That was the last time she saw any of them.

She spent most of her days taking care of her cousin, Tartur, or meditating the pain away. Crying became a part of her routine. At first, she constantly checked Kenobi, Skywalker and Tano’s force presence, but stopped after just a few weeks as it hurt too much.

The purge almost gave her a heart attack, as it was so much pain and death at once. All the deaths mixed together made that she couldn’t clearly tell who died when, but when it was finally over she simply assumed that everyone was gone, including her former master and her sister. 

Skywalkers fall was understandable, she’d felt his possessive nature when she was still a Padawan, but she was still angered.

Tartur grew up hearing stories of the galaxy, the Jedi and the force. Vera taught him everything she knew about using the force and trained him in hand to hand combat and with a pole resembling a lightsaber. She never picked up her light whips after the day she nearly killed her sister.

Despite being the woman that raised him, and his family, and being the embodiment of light, Tartur grew up hating his cousin because she could leave, he couldn’t.

By Anakin, the child of the force, using the dark side, Tartur had to stay on Mortis to keep the balance and push light side into the force at all times.

Vera on the other hand could leave, or for a few days at least, but she chose not to unless it was for a supply run (This girl loves her son good hot chocolate), otherwise she stayed at all times.

When Maul died, she felt it which was a surprise to her for two reasons.

One, he survived for that long? Told you he was awesome!

And two, she hadn’t felt any deaths since the purge.

Obi-Wan was next, which nearly tore her open. His death actually made her leave Mortis just to find out what happened, and that was when she met a sunny force sensitive young boy named Skywalker. Wait a minute-!

Ahsoka’s death was the last one, years later. At this point she had nearly gotten used to it, and she was able to accept it.

It was also during this time that Tartur and her started to avoid each other for long periods of time. They kept to their side of the planet for sometimes weeks, sometimes longer. Once they went for two years.

After maybe a millions years of living on this planet, sulking for the most part, Vera decided to take initiative and actually see the galaxy, find out what happened to the places she used to love so much.

And the galaxy sure was...different. When she walked around, a cloak covering her dark Jedi looking robes and red eyes scanning the area, she noticed multiple untrained force sensitive beings.

During some quick research in a library, she learned that the Jedi were seen as myths and legends nowadays, and that very few people believed in their existence.

So she took some more initiative and managed to charm her way into talking in front of a couruscant school, her old masters teachings always comes to use, and before she knew it she stood on a stage in front of hundreds of wondering and confused eyes.

So she started simply, asking how many knew what a Jedi were, of which maybe a fourth of the school raised their hand, something that made her incredibly sad. When she asked how many believed in the Jedi, nearly everyone lowered their hand, except for a small Zabrak boy, maybe thirteen or fourteen years old.

The Zabrak boy got a few laughs from the audience, but Vera simply smiled kindly and asked for his name, which was Revar.

And then she explained the force, the Jedi, the Sith, tales of the old republic she’d heard as a child, the clone war, the empire the first order everything. Everything to these children, and no one said a word as she spoke, just stared at her in awe.

When she was finally done and her mouth was dry and she craved hot chocolate, an even younger Twi’lek girl raised her hand and asked what the Jedi were like.

After she answered that question, more hands flew into the air.

So she kept returning to that school, once every three months, to tell stories and answer questions. Some kids did a little research on their own and asked questions about specific Jedi, and she gladly told them of what she knew.

Around ten kids on the school were force sensitive, including Revar, and there were even some that were related to the Jedi of her time. This she never told them while on stage though, and instead in private. She taught these ten a few tricks to conceal their force abilities, but also how to do simple Jedi mind tricks or moving small objects.

More schools requested her, and after around three years with these kids she moved on to a different one. Eventually she stood on stage in front of entire planets, and from time to time even got help by Tartur.

Planets started to hail the Jedi more and more, and small monuments were built in their honor. Temples were created and some requested Vera to teach them, something she accepted.

Soon the Jedi were back, but in a different way than before. Instead of mainly using the light side, or mainly the dark side, it was a mix of both as that is what Vera are.

Vera and Tartur made sure this lasted for billions of years, teaching new younglings and making sure the older spread what they had learnt. Of course they had to regularly return to Mortis, but when they could they were traveling the galaxy.

Aeons after her birth, Vera finally passed away peacefully, her cousins promising to take care of the child that would be created when she was gone.

He didn’t cry, he’d seen this coming for days and he knew that his time weren’t that far away either.

Vera reunited with her family finally in the force, and she watched as what she had created continued to live on long after she was gone.

•

•

This took time! Like, really long time! Me, Vera and Kim talked for hours about this, and had to stop to rewatch the Mortis Arc in the middle of it. I actually like where we took this, and it was fun to do.

But for real, this took weeks, so be grateful

[slowlyshytheorist]

I wanna tell my story

This is gonna be a long post and I don’t know who will read this and maybe those of you who do will already know most of it, but for the first time i will tell the whole story in one stretch.

My name is Alex. My name has always been Alex, but i didn’t figure that out till about 6 months ago. To tell this right i gotta go back a little further than that though. I have a friend who just finished her bachelor i psychology and every time I have told her about my family and how i was treated growing up she’d say that it’s a wonder i don’t have a mental illness. The first times I laughed with her at it, but eventually there was this little voice that kept saying “but maybe i do”. A little over a year ago i started noticing it. The symptoms. I was struggling with making it through my every day life. Struggling to get out of bed, to cook, to eat, it was all just too much. But due to the bagage from my childhood, i just kept it to myself and pretended that nothing was wrong. In the middle of this dark period where i could barely survive i did something. I was drinking one night and ended up sleeping with some random dude at my dorm. I barely remember, all i know is that the next day i felt horrible. I thought back to a question that my friend once asked me, about my sexuality, and i found myself googling “How to know if you are asexual”. It took me about a day to build up the courage to text my friend and tell her what had happened. I felt wrong for days after. Not because I’m ace, but because I’m sex negative and I had violated my own boundaries.  A few months passed and i accepted it, I even learned to be proud of my sexuality. It was harder to admit that i’m aromantic as well, because it felt like that was the same as giving up on the notion that i would ever have a SO. I do want that some day, and i know now that i can find that person, my person, as i like to refer to them. I came out to my family and they took it... not bad, but not what i had expected either. My sister’s reaction was the worst. At first she laughed as if it was ridiculous. I tried to explain that i was serious but she kept laughing. It wasn’t until her husband, who was there too, told her that it was real, that she stopped laughing and started listening to me. I thought that was the end of it, but one day she made a homophobic comment and i called her out on it. Her “defense” was that anyone who is not straight is a biological mistake. That there is nothing wrong with it, but that it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a mistake, a flaw in our DNA. She still believes this. The rest of my family just didn’t care. not in a “we don’t care what your sexuality is, we love you anyway” way, more in a “we don’t care about what happens in your life” way. Still it was better that my sister, i suppose.  Through all this, my depression was still undiagnosed, but raging and incapacitating me on a daily basis. Luckily i had found a support system. I found a server of likeminded people. They were becoming my family, since my “real” family had let me down. It wasn’t long till the next big life altering revelation hit me. I’m not cis. And the feeling i have had my entire life relating to my name, has a name. It’s called dysphoria and it explains so much. My server family helped me find my real name, Alex. Well technically Alexandria, but most days are Alex days. It wasn’t long after this that i hit rock bottom, i snapped at the people i care about and acted like a huge jerk because i was miserable. I decided to get help. I got diagnosed with depression and I started treatment almost immediately.  A few months passed where i went by Alex online, but not irl. I felt more and more dysphoric about being deadnamed, so i decided to tell my family that i was changing my name. I kept my gender to myself because i doubt that would be received better than my sexuality was. I got one response, my mom saying that it would be hard. That is all, the rest ignored me. A few more weeks and i got confirmation, my name had officially been changed and i had a full day of euphoria. Which is saying a lot considering i still had a depression. A couple of days later i went to visit my family a weekend for my little brother’s birthday. I made it through a day and a half of being deadnamed and being ignored when i corrected them. My sister would send me annoyed looks though, but that was the most reaction i got until she snapped. She told me straight up that she would never be calling me Alex and that she was furious with me for doing this without consulting with them first. She told me that I was being rude and inconsiderate and forcing this upon them. I was expecting a confrontation, but not one this bad. Even so, I had my reaction ready. I got up and calmly said “Fine, then i will be leaving now” My mom tried to stop me, but she took my sisters side and after some yelling and some tears i ended up storming out of there. i spent the 15 minute walk to the busstop sobbing uncontrollably. I sent a text to my brother, apologising for leaving before his birthday party, but promising to make it up, then i called my dad’s girlfriend, who does accept my name change, and told her what happened. Then i called my friend and told her too, i was crying most of the way to the train station, but by the time i got home (3 hours later) i was out of tears.  I since talked to my mom about it all. She will try to accommodate my name change, but she still hasn’t admitted that she was in the wrong. I fear that our relationship won’t ever be the same. My sister refuses to acknowledge my existence and hasn’t said a word to me in 4 months.  That brings us to the present. My medication is working and i am getting through my depression much better now. I am surrounding myself with people who respect me enough to actually call me my name and letting the rest be. I am learning to stand up for myself. The next step for me is something i have been planning since before my name was officially changed. I am gonna have a funeral for my deadname, i’m gonna bury all my old id cards and some other stuff i have with that name on it. It started as a goof, but I don’t have any more reason to postpone it and suddenly I am anxious about it. I realise that it has come to mean so much more to me and even thinking about it makes me tear up. I can’t put words on my feelings, but my friend did quite a good job guessing: “I am thinking it is because it is all of it at once. It is a farewell to, but also a reminder that, you have been living as something other than yourself for more than 20 years, and the box you have been put in always. It is a manifestation of your entire process where you have figured out who you are. It is a symbol of your entire battle to be allowed to be you and to get others to respect the human you actually are. It is the relief over having figured out why your deadname has always felt weird. It is the joy of actually being named something that feels right and feels like you. It is the symbol of so many fundamental things by you that is finally being allowed to live in the world, and that is a big package of emotions in one action”

So this is my story. I have been through some things. I know many have it worse, but that doesn’t mean my experience wasn’t bad. It doesn’t mean i don’t get to tell my story. I am going to start planning the funeral and i will mark that day in my calendar, like i marked the day i officially became Alex. I will use these two dates as reminders of what i went through. Every year i plan to take a moment and think about where i have been, but more importantly, where i wanna go. I don’t think i will ever come out as nb to my family, but i won’t hide it either. those who see it, may see it, i’m not gonna hide who I am anymore. I am not going back to suppressing myself for anyone. I am going to learn to just be me. 

[jellydishes]

so i saw this post recently about what sort of gods characters from critical role would be, and i couldn’t resist turning that around for dragon age two

Hawke’s worshippers have schismed again and again and again, to the point that no one can even agree on their diety’s gender, let alone temperament. when you strip away the disagreements and the endless discord, however, you get to the heart of this polarizing deity: hawke is a deity for the lost, in all their forms. those who have lost homes and lovers and parents and siblings, as much as for those who have lost their way. those who are afraid and uncertain and don’t want to -can’t be- strong all the time. hawke is rarely depicted as a person, far more often with symbols - an interwoven, stark heraldry. a length of cloth, tattered and red as blood. a messy smear of blood, replicated by their worshippers across the nose. hawke is strength and protection when you have no one else. hawke is a hand, offered when you can’t stand up on your own. how many times can one person do this? “at least once more,” says a whisper in your ear

Bethany is a goddess that is hard for many to understand. those people only hear her hymns devoted to hope and kindness and think she is but one more goddess of the hearth and home, easily dismissed. they would be wrong. bethany is worshipped by warriors just as often as she is the abused and forgotten. because beneath the smiles and open hands she is often depicted with, is a core built of heat and determination and a relentless desire to protect what is yours. one does not cancel out the other. bethany’s worshippers know that she is not asking them to forgive and forget, she is asking them to keep going when all you want to do is to give up. put one foot in front of the other and nurture that last bit of hope you have for one more day

Carver is, like his twin, a difficult god for many to parse, easily dismissed as a war god, a god worshipped by those who refuse to follow society’s rules. and they would be missing the truth of him. carver is a god those who want -need- to pave their own path. he is worshipped by transgender people, by those who have no family by choice or by fate and who create their own future. by those who refuse to be defined by someone else. the angry, but also the joyful. offerings to carver are a coin from your first wages at a job no one trusted you to get, let alone keep. a moment from your gender euphoria. a messy drawing by the child you never expected to have. carver is trust in yourself, when no one else has it for you

Aveline is primarily a goddess worshipped by guards and soldiers, but a not insignificant amount of prayers are offered to her by orphans and widows. it is Known that aveline lost and lost and lost in the days before her ascension. she can be a distant god, hard to understand or even love, but she is a constant. when the world was forged, aveline was there, and so shall she remain. aveline is strength and self-reliance and memories held close to your chest because it is no one’s to take before you are ready. images of aveline are often left clasped between the hands of the dead, so that they would always have someone’s hand in theirs

Varric’s stories often depict him as smiling and confident, a twinkle in his eyes and a crossbow bolt between his fingers. he is a god of artists and storytellers, but more than that, varric is a god of memory. it is Known that in life, varric committed his loves into words so that they would last, would live even when he knew they wouldn’t. he is also turned to when loved ones struggle with pain and addiction and alcoholism or any one of a number of coping mechanisms that once helped but now only hurt and hurt and hurt them and others - he does not judge them or you, and instead is a steady, comforting presence when you feel most alone in a cold world which seems to have left you behind. varric is a god for those who turn their pain on its head, who transform it into light and color and laughter. varric is smiles, and the spaces between them

Fenris was initially worshipped as a god of war, but over time that shifted so that now he is known as a god of death and rebirth. the death he represents is often not a physical one, so much as a moment of growth. of deliberately choosing to release the grip your past has upon your present. even if it is hard, and you cannot let it go without leaving claw marks where you wish to hold and remember and understand. because by lingering in a place where discomfort has become comfortable, you cannot grow. your past will remain a part of you, as scars do, but you can turn your eyes to look ahead to the rebirth awaiting you. a spiritual rebirth, of a private meaning. his followers are as much the abused and the enslaved and the survivors as they are the grieving, and all are welcome

Anders is infamously known as a polarizing god, one most well known for the wars his followers seem to end up embroiled in, in one way or another. but that is a very simplistic view of him and those who follow him, and a narrow-minded one. anders was initially worshipped as a nurturing god devoted to healing and sacrifice, but over time the sacrificial part of his domain expanded to be that most focused on. this sacrifice is often interpreted by those who misunderstand him by pointing to deaths and discord caused in his name and cite him as a reason to bear down on his worshippers - those who worship him, however, almost to a person, cite that sacrifice as a personal one. of giving up personal comfort and safety and happiness for the greater good. of painting yourself as the monster so that those you wish to protect from harm will be spared. those who remain from his earliest days of worship still remember his symbols of a scarf and a cat and small, patched pillow, symbols of warmth given and warmth treasured in dark times

Merrill is, first and foremost, a goddess for those who refuse to give in to the darkness of time and assimilation. worshipped primarily by those from cultures who have been attacked from all sides in all the ways a culture can while still surviving. merrill is a proud goddess, an angry goddess, but neither of those are negatives. she is also a joyful one, rejoicing with her worshippers when they rediscover a piece of their culture, or simply celebrating in it. when you wear jewelry or clothing from your culture or take pride in your lineage or make your foodstuffs, you are singing with her. merrill is a refusal to turn away from the hard task of keeping what is yours when beset on all sides, she is keeping your head high and eyes bright, your soul shining because doing otherwise is no alternative at all

Isabela began her life as a goddess as one devoted purely to the sea, but as many of her fellows did, her domain shifted to that of a protector of women. transgender woman and neurodivergent women and disabled women and women of color and abused women all raise their hands to her, and she gives hers back. isabela is cold fury at those who dare bring harm to or degrade her sisters just as she is a warm pair of arms to hold you up when you are alone in a cold world. she understands what it is to have your choices taken from you, and what it is to hide the vulnerability in your heart when that is the only means available to you to protect yourself. isabela is the soft, warm voice beside you whispering to allow yourself to trust when it can be the most terrifying thing in the world. isabela is the hand guiding your fist to the sky when you see your sisters trodden upon. “not today,” comes isabela's rising call. “not anymore.”

Sebastian is a god with two faces. in one of his forms, he is a god of love and pleasure, of taking joy in the present because the future is not certain and certainly not a promise, a god for those who are afraid and find comfort in the warmth of others. this side of sebastian does not judge those who take pleasure in the flesh or in modifying their bodies or in turning away from the roles expected of you, because he knows what it is to refuse a call. sebastian in this face is independence and planting your feet upon the ground. “this is me,” sebastian tells the world before you. “the words i choose define me, not yours.”

Sebastian's other face is a god of change. he often has feasts devoted to him at the turning of the seasons (especially autumn), but he is just as easily found in choosing to live by a self-ordained set of rules when your old way of life no longer satisfies. a god who, when faced with loss, redefined what loss means as well as what remains. when faced with restrictions and pain imposed by others, his worshippers find meaning in what remains. asexuals and the chase also turn to him, knowing the choices he himself made in his mortal life, and he welcomes them. sebastian is a god of dichotomies, but those stark differences do not mean that either side of him does not have meaning - on the contrary, both sides are made that much more meaningful by the contrast and how they inform the other. this side of sebastian is also about defining yourself. “you make take my home and my family and everything i thought was true about myself,” sebastian tells all those arrayed before you, “but you cannot take away the heart of me. that determination that drives me forward. i was here before you, and i will be here after you are gone.”

Tallis is a goddess of extremes, just as known for laughter with a smile that is all teeth as she is wandering hands that reach for your belt or your throat instead of your hip. she is all anger and stubbornness and a refusal to give into the dark. a goddess for those who look upon the sand presented to them by the world and score, not a line, but a canyon deep within it. cross this line at your peril, tallis tells your enemies. you may have come for people that are not mine, who may not ever know my name or even be grateful, but that doesn't matter. “not one step more,” she roars into the wind, her hand beside yours, just waiting for you to clasp it. she is the hard choice made because it must be, because no one else will