#And the way it makes people disregard other folks for things they can't help

[bloodanna]

Also idk how it is over in those states, but I grew up in rural Wisconsin.

In the tiny town that my parents still live in there is one dentist nearby and he knows that most people living there are not rich people, so rather then suggest expensive fixes for anything beyond common cavities: his go-to is to just pull the tooth.

Only people not missing at least one tooth in that town is the, like, four families that own everything.

And I doubt SHEETZ is providing dental insurance.

I have a lot of words, many of them profane.

One of the things that makes me the MOST angry about the way teeth are treated in the US is the extremely open way that we discriminate against people with “bad” teeth. This is a perfect example. This lady lost her teeth to domestic violence and found herself the victim of a ridiculously discriminating “smile policy.” Sheetz is actively discriminating in hiring based on peoples’ looks. There is plenty of talk (and plenty of peer-reviewed research) about how “bad teeth” can lead to discrimination in the US, and this is a perfect example of how our feelings about teeth can ruin lives.

According to Business Insider, the employee handbook says “applicants with obvious missing, broken, or badly discolored teeth (unrelated to a disability) are not qualified for employment with Sheetz.”

First off, what the fuck does that even mean? Who is defining disability here, and who at Sheetz is qualified to diagnose an applicant’s dental issues?

Second, and I think this is way worse, is that this policy is directly hurting people where Sheetz is located. According to their website, Sheetz is located in Ohio, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Virginia, West Virginia, and Maryland. That’s a lot of Appalachia and Rust Belt areas. Even if everybody in these states could afford comprehensive dental care, there are not enough dentists in these areas to serve people. PA, OH, and NC in particular have massive dental HSPAs (health professional shortage areas), and in WV and VA, you have people relying on Remote Area Medical clinics that are sporadically scheduled and often have massive wait times, simply because the people living in these areas are so removed from towns that can actually support a dentist. Imagine taking off of work for three days to camp out in a sports arena parking lot just for a chance at seeing a dentist and you’ll see what some of these people are up against.

Make no mistake: This policy is a way for Sheetz to discriminate against poor people, a lot of whom are the very clientele they’re serving. IMHO, that’s total bullsheetz.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Just realised that JK was in NY up until a day before the trip, which means he wasn’t in Korea and was busy with a schedule whilst Tae decided to self insert himself, just imagine that and not being able to stop him.

You made me go and look it up. Yes, Jungkook had that performance at Global Citizen Festival. He arrived back in Seoul on the 25th and left for Jeju on the 26th, which was the first day of the trip. And if the entire story about the schedule gc and feeling left out is true, it means Jungkook might have found out about the changes in his trip right before his flight or during it.

I can't help but think how that news was received. He was done with work for just a bit because a few days later 3D was about to be released. But they managed to squeeze a few days to be together for the show on Jeju and then everything changed.

But, judging by their bigger luggage and what Jungkook said about visiting his parents for Chuseok, it's possible jikook traveled to Busan afterwards.

And if those rumors and sightings of jikook in August in Jeju are true, then they at least had the chance to be there together. The hijacking only happened when the cameras were rolling.

There's one thing that I want to say here as well. I don't understand how it's possible for stans to use whatever logic they want and disregard common sense and what is a common response to a situation, just because they were taught to "love" some kpop idols. But it goes to show how the BH/BTS brainwash works on army. Because it is a normal and common reaction in real life to at least get annoyed if someone, be it a friend or family member, would suddenly say they felt left out and invited themselves to a trip that had been arranged and planned accordingly in a way that was also on point thematically with the AYS concept. It would suck and we would complain and swear here and there and depending on the relationship we have, we would accept the situation or say no to that person.

But in fandom spaces (I include here army, solo fans, akgaes, shippers, etc), all of a sudden, that is not only allowed to be said/commented on/criticized, and there's a huge backlash, with arguments that mostly boil down to: "vminkook love each other, you all have lost the plot, touch some grass". Because the act of looking at these people as regular folks just like us, who can be assholes (just like us), who can ruin the vibe (just like us), who can make passive aggresive comments (just like us), is something completely absurd.

And lastly, if someone talks about being left out and has to insist on being included, it means he wasn't wanted there in the first place. Having some self respect and self awareness does wonders though!

[warabidakihime]

Resilience in the Rain

Characters: ADA!Dazai x Reader Synopsis: Amidst the downpour of life's trials, they found solace in each other's embrace within the quiet halls of the deserted Agency office. Alone, their love became a shelter in the storm, nurturing their resilience and kindling a flame of hope that could withstand any tempest. Trigger/Content Warning: This story contains themes of emotional distress, self-hatred, guilt, vulnerability, suicidal tendencies, self-harm, and suicide. It explores complex emotions and may depict scenes that involve these sensitive topics. If you or someone you know is struggling with these issues, please reach out to a mental health professional or helpline. A/N: I wanted to take a moment to chat with you about this fanfic. As someone who struggles with mental health, I've got a personal connection to the topic, and I really want to explore it in my own way. Mental health is important, and I want to raise awareness and offer some comfort to anyone who's going through a tough time.

Now, I gotta be real with you. This story touches on some heavy stuff. We're talking about emotions running wild, self-hatred, guilt, and all that messy stuff. It even dives into subjects like suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and suicide. But listen, I'm not here to glamorize or make light of these things. Instead, I wanna shed light on the struggles people face and emphasize the importance of seeking help and understanding.

While you're reading, please take care of yourself. If anything gets too overwhelming, reach out to a mental health pro or helpline. Remember, you're not alone, and there are folks out there who care and wanna help.

Thanks for joining me on this journey. Let's spread some awareness, empathy, and support for mental health, one chapter at a time!

P.S this wasn't proof read, so i'm sorry for any inconsistency. i was making this in the office lol.

-

The rain poured relentlessly, drenching the streets of Yokohama as the Armed Detective Agency headquarters stood steadfast amidst the downpour. After a particularly grueling mission, you couldn't contain your concerns and frustrations any longer. You found Dazai nursing his wounds in a dimly lit corner of the headquarters, a faint smile dancing on his lips. Meanwhile Kunikida and the others have already returned to their respectful dorms.

You approached him, your voice laced with worry. "Osamu, until when are you going to keep this up?"

Dazai glanced up, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "Ah, my dear Y/N, are you worried about me? How sweet. But rest assured, I'm always one step away from the edge, and yet, I remain standing."

Dazai, with his usual nonchalant demeanor, brushed off your very valid concerns with another dark joke, but this time, it only fueled the fire within you. Your frustration reached its boiling point, and your voice rose, shaking with sheer frustration.

"Osamu!" you shouted, your voice echoing through the room. "Enough with the jokes and deflections! This isn't a game! Do you even realize how much your self-destruction tears me apart? How useless it makes me feel that I can't do anything to help you, despite giving my all?"

Dazai's mask faltered, revealing a flicker of vulnerability as your words struck home. But before he could respond, you continued, your voice filled with raw emotion.

"I love you, damn it! I love you more than anything, and yet you push me away with your reckless behavior. How can you disregard your own life, knowing that I'm right here, willing to stand by your side? It hurts, Osamu, to see you care so little about yourself, even when you have someone who would give anything to keep you safe!"

Your voice wavered, tears streaming down your face as you poured out your heart. The room grew heavy with silence as the weight of your words hung in the air. The truth had been laid bare, leaving Dazai with no choice but to confront the pain he had inflicted.

Dazai's eyes widened, his carefree facade crumbling further. He reached out, but the words escaped him, his throat tight with remorse. The realization of the magnitude of his actions crashed over him like a tidal wave, shattering the walls he had built.

"I... I didn't..." Dazai stammered, his voice barely a whisper.

But you weren't done yet. You took a step closer, your voice filled with a mix of anguish and determination.

"I can't watch you destroy yourself anymore, Osamu," you said, your voice firm. "I can't keep picking up the pieces of your shattered soul, only for you to throw them aside again. You need to make a choice, for your own sake and your sake only. Don’t you think it’s time to break this vicious cycle?"

Dazai's eyes glistened with unshed tears, his mask finally crumbling completely.

Venom started to bubble in his throat, causing him to hesitate before opening his mouth. Regret, self-hatred, helplessness, and guilt devoured him as he gazed at you through seemingly indifferent eyes that now glistened with unshed tears. The weight of your words, the pain etched on your face, and the love that had long been overshadowed by darkness crashed over him, leaving him vulnerable and broken. 

In that moment, the walls he had built around his heart crumbled, and the armor he wore so proudly shattered, exposing the rawness of his emotions to the one person who had managed to touch his soul. You watched him, your heart aching but also hopeful. This was the moment of reckoning, the catalyst for change. You reached out, your hand hovering over his trembling shoulder, a silent offer of support.

"Osamu, my love," you said, your voice soft yet resolute. "You and I both know this can't go on. Sooner or later, we have to move forward. I'm not rushing you to heal, but I am urging you to start. Not just for me, but most especially for yourself."

The room fell into a heavy silence as Dazai wrestled with his emotions. Tears welled up in his eyes, the weight of his actions crashing down upon him. He sank to his knees, his trembling hands covering his face, trying to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to consume him.

In that vulnerable moment, you approached him, your heart breaking for the man you loved. You knelt down beside him, your hand gently resting on his shoulder. Dazai looked up, his tear-streaked face revealing the pain he had long kept hidden.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," he choked out, his voice raw and filled with regret. "I didn't realize how much my actions were hurting you. I never intended to make you feel useless or unimportant."

You swallowed the lump in your throat, your own tears mingling with the raindrops falling outside. "Osamu, it's not about being useless. It's about sharing the burden and supporting each other through the darkest moments. I can't fix you, but I can be there for you. But you have to let me in."

Dazai clutched at your hand, his grip desperate yet filled with hope. "Y/N, I know where you're coming from; it's just that I've been a coward, avoiding the truth about myself and my emotions. I've been a bigger idiot for finding comfort in stagnation. But I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to face my fears, confront my flaws, and become the best version of myself."

The weight of his words hung in the air, a fragile promise of a brighter future. You both knew that healing wouldn't happen overnight and that the journey ahead would be filled with challenges and setbacks. But as you looked into Dazai's eyes, you saw a newfound determination, a flicker of the man he could and can become.

The rain had finally ceased, leaving behind a tranquil atmosphere in the aftermath of the storm. The Armed Detective Agency headquarters, once filled with tension, now carried a sense of calmness. You and Dazai found yourselves seeking serendipity in each other's presence, finding comfort in the quiet moments shared between the two of you.

As the last rays of moonlight filtered through the window, casting a gentle glow across the room, you approached Dazai. Your eyes met, and a silent understanding passed between them. Without a word, you reached out and cupped his face tenderly, your thumb caressing his cheeks.

With a tender smile, you closed the distance between you, your lips meeting in a gentle yet passionate kiss. It started as a simple connection, a way to affirm your love and draw strength from one another, as well as a promise that you would never, ever leave his side. As the kiss deepened, fueled by the pent-up emotions and desire, it threatened to escalate into something more fervent.

Yet, in that moment of intense connection, you pulled away, your breath mingling with Dazai's. You gazed into each other's eyes, your chests rising and falling in synchrony. You continue to graze your fingertips on Dazai's cheek, tracing the lines of his face as if committing every detail to memory.

He leaned into the touch, a soft sigh escaping his lips. The weariness of the day, both physically and emotionally, weighed heavily on you both. The two of you had weathered the storm together and fought your battles, and now it was time to find solace in each other's arms.

His eyes searched yours, his gaze filled with a mixture of love, possessiveness, and a tinge of insecurity. His emotions, usually hidden behind a facade of nonchalance, were now laid bare before you.

"I love you, Y/N," Dazai whispered, his voice tinged with a hint of desperation. "More than anything in this world, I can't bear the thought of losing you."

His words, filled with a newfound intensity, sent shivers down your spine. His usual cool and collected aura had transformed into a mix of passion and a touch of distress.

But instead of being scared or overwhelmed, you welcomed and embraced his heightened emotions. You understood that Dazai's love for you was profound, a force that consumed him and left him vulnerable. And you were more than ready to reciprocate, to ease his worries and soothe his restless soul.

"Osamu," you whispered, "I'm here, right here with you. I'm not going anywhere."

His grip on you tightened ever so slightly, as if afraid that you might disappear if he let go. You leaned in, your lips grazing his ear as you whispered, "You are the only one for me, Osamu. No matter what happens, I'll always be by your side."

As your words sank in, Dazai's tense posture began to relax. He realized that his fears and insecurities were unwarranted and that you were steadfast in your love for him. With a mix of relief and renewed determination, he kissed you once more, his lips conveying a mixture of passion and adoration.

The world around you faded away, leaving only the two of you immersed in a bubble of love and trust. The room seemed to melt into a blur of colors as your bodies swayed with an unspoken rhythm, your connection deepening with every touch and caress.

As the kiss finally broke, you both were left breathless, your foreheads still pressed together. Dazai looked into your eyes, a mixture of vulnerability and adoration shining through his gaze.

"I don’t deserve you; you’re way too precious for someone like me, but thank you for loving me despite my flaws and for seeing the best in me. I promise to cherish you, protect you, and be the best version of myself for you," he murmured, his voice filled with reverence and devotion.

As tears welled up in your eyes, you were overcome by the profoundness of his words and the genuine emotion in his voice. "Deserve is such a powerful word, Osamu. There are countless individuals who are just as imperfect as we are, yet that doesn't automatically make us inherently wicked, right? I love every aspect of you, the parts you deem as flaws and virtues alike," you declared, your voice brimming with unwavering love.

Your words hung in the air, wrapping around them like a promise. In that intimate moment, both of you found strength, renewal, and a shared understanding. You knew the path ahead wouldn't be easy, but together, you were ready to face the challenges and forge a future built on love, trust, and healing.

With a smile, Dazai leaned in once again, capturing your lips in a gentle yet passionate kiss. It was a celebration of your love and an affirmation of the bond you had forged through the trials you faced.

And in that transformative moment, Dazai Osamu felt the weight of his burdens lift, liberated from the shackles that had bound him for so long. And it was all thanks to you.

-

After an eventful day at the ADA office, you and Dazai finally retreated to the comfort of your apartment, seeking peace and quiet. The chilly evening air prompted you to opt for a heartwarming hotpot dinner, a perfect choice to warm your souls.

As you set the table with an array of fresh ingredients and fragrant broths, Dazai made a sly gesture, revealing a hidden stash of sake. Your eyebrows shot up in a mixture of surprise and amusement, realizing the ungodly amount of alcohol he had squirreled away. With a deadpan expression, you couldn't help but playfully scold him for his excess.

You knew that part of Dazai's healing journey involved acknowledging and breaking free from his unhealthy habits, and excessive drinking was one of them. With genuine concern, you made it clear to him that going forward, he needed to be mindful of his alcohol intake. Dazai's playful pout surfaced, but beneath it, he understood and appreciated your intentions. He promised to be more mindful of his health, realizing the importance of taking care of himself.

As the evening unfolded, the apartment filled with a harmonious symphony of laughter and lighthearted banter. You and Dazai reveled in each other's company, sharing inside jokes and good-natured jabs. The stresses of the day melted away, replaced by a sense of comfort and contentment.

With every hearty slurp of hotpot and every sip of sake, the bond between you grew stronger. The shared meal became a symbol of nourishment not only for the body but also for the soul. As the day drew to a close, you found solace in the simple pleasures of being together, basking in the warmth of laughter and the undeniable connection that bound you.

[halikyon]

Smash or Pass: Ryune Avereth

Tagged by: @vasheden

Tagging: anyone since it seems like this has permeated my Tumblr sphere pretty much completely

Basic Info:

Height: 5'3"

Age: 30

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Pan

Pros:

Always looking to help out. She isn't one to be drawn into the Bystander Effect. Willing to make sure a job is done right, even if she has to redo it all herself.

She knows her way around the crafting world. If you need it, she can make it. If she can't, she'll find someone she can. She also is a prolific resource gatherer and, while not an avid fisher, she knows her way around a rod.

She has no care about wealth or position. As someone who only recently had much gil to her name, she really doesn't care for those who flaunt it around. If you have that much, why not use it to help folks who actually need it?

Very touchy-feely and cuddly. She thrives on physical affection and loves when she can spend time with someone in person. Friends will suddenly find her head in their lap as she looks up at them mid-coversation, lounging across where she had been sitting.

Loves animals, especially birds. She even has a sparrow that follows her around named after her dead brother, Vic.

She has a tendency to adopt both people and animals into her circle. She even has Statice as part of her family group now, which does entail a few shenanigans here and there.

Cons:

Is bad a putting the needs of others before her own. She has often exhausted herself in the effort to help others, forgoing even basic needs.

She has no filter and no self-boundaries. You will know things you didn't wish to and there isn't much you can do to prepare for it.

Her mental state isn't as stable as it once was. Zenos did quite a number on her and as a result she has PTSD. Most days are uneventful, but occasionally her thoughts go sour and it takes some doing to pull her back out of it. Herbal remedies have helped, but they only lessen the intensity, not the frequency of events.

She will often adopt the stance of 'I'll do it myself.' when things need doing, disregarding that others are both capable and wanting to participate in whatever activity is going on. She can be stopped, but that is her default.

She was wanted by the Brass Blades for a while, but a name and hair change threw them off before she ever became an adventurer.

Other Facts:

She is in a romantic relationship with M'naago, but is open to more physical ones. Her time earning gil with the U helped her to delete the stigma that came with sexual activity, and she will engage with anyone she finds she trusts enough or who is willing to pay enough (with some exceptions). M'naago is fine with this as long as there aren't suddenly a bunch of little Miqo'te to take care of.

To deal with the above point, she has knowledge of a tea that acts as many things, including a contraceptive, that the U use themselves for all kinds of purposes.

She loves spicy meals a lot, and can put away a great deal of food, especially after intense physical activity.

She is the unofficial head of the new Fists of Rhalgr, and seeks to rebuild the order as an organization of trusted individuals with the capacity to solve problems themselves. Its not unlike some versions of the Jedi Order, but with primarily the martial arts of the Monk. She wants the people of Gyr Abania and surrounding areas to see them as a good thing when they come through, and to have earned enough trust with those people that they are able to come forward with their problems rather than having anything build up into larger ones that will be harder to deal with later.

She has a lot of 'street smarts' but is only semi-literate, as she never received a formal education. She can typically work out what something says through context clues and earnest questions. Her writing is also not great, but its legible. Do not ask her to do math past the most basic of multiplication. She likes to learn, and has taken up an interest in founding formal schools in Gyr Abania now that things have settled down.

She is a switch and wants her partner(s) to primarily enjoy themselves. If someone expresses interest in her, she isn't afraid to bluntly tell them Yes or No, though it has historically done more to accidentally chase people off than anything else.

She is quite forward in most social aspects, and isn't afraid to make the first move. Her stance and intentions will be known quickly to any involved.

Will fight anyone and anything, though she would prefer at least an attempt to talk first.

She would have chosen smash on almost every one of these so far.

Is not immune to tassels.

So, what'll it be...

[re-dracula]

I was listening to another podcast at some point a while back where they had an interview with you guys to advertize re: dracula coming out. And you guys said some stuff about Lucy that hit a weird nerve with me as a history buff.

So the VA described her as polyamorous, and it triggered some conversation about how her character gets pretty maligned for it. And that last part is an adaptation issue not present in the original text.

See, victorian era courtship did not come with a presumption of exclusivity the way modern dating does. You were not off the market until you were formally engaged to be married. So the general gist of it for upper and middle class folks (like the Dracula characters most likely are) is that there is this thing called the social season. And during the season there would be all kinds of parties and events where you would meet people. And the general structure was that if you went to a dance, you should dance with a lot of different people. Get a sense of the eligible bachelors/bachelorettes. And if you were a young man, you would be expected to go and visit each of the young women you danced with that night at some point during the week after. If you hit it off, you would then start courting (visiting back and forth attending other events together etc). But, as I said above, it wasn't exclusive. So a man would court a few women, and a woman would be pretty disappointed to only be courted by one man. As the season went on couples would get engaged (anding any other ongoing courtships).

So Lucy's situation, in its original context, goes something like this: Lucy is pretty and charming. A perfect victorian maid. She has many suitors. Three of them decide she's the perfect women for them. They each want to pop the question but they are good gentlemen so they agree to all ask her the same day so she can choose between them on her own terms. She is thrilled because of course she is. Any woman in her position would be! But! Before she can make her choice Dracula comes to steal her away. She gets terribly sick and dies. But then she is not dead after all. She came back all wrong and corrupted. Even such a bright, innocent, young woman as Lucy is not immune! It's tragic what she becomes.

By the time early film adaptations roll around though, courtship was mostly replaced by dating especially in America where it hadn't been so institutionalized. And now there is an assumption of exclusivity. Those poor men being strung along by that harlot Lucy when in the end there can be only one husband. No wonder she fell victim to Dracula's charms! And like, that was the exact opposite of the point in the books. But the culture was too different by that point to read the same way. So Hollywood made Lucy an example instead of a victim.

But yeah. I heard the polyamorous comment, and had a weird mix of "yay poly representation! That rarely happens," and "put that woman back in context, or so help me!" So when I saw you guys had a blog, I had to send a little mini rant. Feel free to disregard.

Thanks for the historical context! It is hard with historical texts to keep from bringing your modern ideas to our interpretations, but as an almost completely queer crew, it was hard to ignore the subtext in:

LUCY: Why can't they let a girl marry three men, or as many as want her, and save all this trouble? But this is heresy, and I must not say it.

That’s what we’re talking about, we’re talking about subtext in a very sexy very queer-coded book. I believe the VA you’re talking about is Beth Eyre? As a professor, she knows this too and is playing with it in her performance. And she does brilliantly.

We’re not changing the text, as we’ve said before, we’re just having fun with what’s already there.

We’ll talk some more about this in our bonus eps, which I’m very excited about.

[yokelfelonking]

We look on with horror - and rightly so - at the Canadian medical system's callous disregard for human life by basically offering euthanasia as an answer for everything.

The thing I don't think a lot of people realize is that, due to the upcoming demographic collapse, pretty soon this is probably going to be worldwide, and that this is almost inevitable.

The entire first world has an aging population without the birth numbers to replace it. That means that, in the not-too-distant future, there are going to be a lot more old people with failing health than there's going to be qualified caretakers for them.

I mean, that's already the case now. I had a job working in a nursing home / physical rehab facility for about six months (which was all I cared to do there), and it was me and two CNAs to 35 patients. And that's standard. There's plenty of places where the staffing ratios are even worse.

And the care in some of these places is atrocious. You'll hear horror stories about the state they find some people in in nursing homes, with no one having come to check on them for days as they lay helpless in bed, in their own piss and shit, bedsores down to the bone.

And that's with "professional" "medical" "care". Families aren't necessarily better; it's a lot harder to take care of a helpless adult than it is an infant, and despite attempts by family to take care of them, folks still wind up with bedsores and infections and all sorts of problems that do them in.

And if you've got no one then you're really fucked; or maybe less so, depending on how you look at it, because you might die quicker alone.

And it's not just nursing homes. People in need of more acute care are going to have less and less necessary time and attention spent on them as there's more and more of them and fewer and fewer people to care for them. Right now ICUs typically have a 1-to-1 or 1-to-2 ratio of nurses to patients. What happens when it becomes 1-to-6? What happens when the person in the ICU who needs to be tended to for 15 - 20 minutes of every hour is being looked after by someone who's got to split their time between 6 other patients? That person can't spend a third of an hour of individual care on six people at once; it's not physically possible.

"So just hire more help!" You understand that hiring doctors and nurses and other skilled medical staff isn't like hiring more people to stock the shelves at Target or work the register at Burger King, right? You need people with education and training and the ability to actually pass that education and training and the mindset that goes along with caring for people. And the more acute the care, the sharper that person has to be.

And my point is, even if it was that way, there's still going to be more old people in need of care than there's going to be people to care for them.

What's the staffing ratio going to be for nursing homes in 2050? One nurse to 80 patients? One to 100? Acute care units with one nurse to 20 patients - patients who are laid up in bed and can't get up and can't go to the bathroom and can't clean themselves and can't get their own food or water? Are we going to have ICUs with 1 nurse to 10 patients? At that point those won't be care facilities, they'll be warehouses for the dying.

And this is where euthanasia will be given as an answer. "We can't care for all of these people, who are simply dying slow deaths. The best we can do is make it quick and painless."

And it is a slippery slope. We can see it happening in Canada right now, how more and more people are being offered assisted suicide as the answer for what would be otherwise difficult or inconvenient medical issues.

My prediction is that by the year 2050 euthanasia will be a standard medical "treatment" for the elderly and anyone with chronic conditions.

And I legit don't have a good answer about that.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

get to know me tag from @heffer-wen this is a good one!

tagging: @perfectpiety @echthr0s @colorsofmyseason @kvaradonaa @protect-daniel-james @thundercrack @arsenalgbt @steeple-sinderby-wanderers @lamperry4ever (this is all optional of course!!!)

1. Do you make your bed?

I only properly make my bed when I change my sheets, but I can't stand to have the bed looking janky when i come home, so I wrestle with my thicc blanket until it's decently even and neat on the bed, and if the pillows have gone wild I'll straighten them out a little. if any of my over 9000 stuffed animals are on the floor I'll pick them up of course.

2. Favourite number?

24! my birthday, and a nice solid good number, can fit lots of other numbers into it. 17 has been an Important number for my bff and me, and I have a religion based fondness for 18...but 24 it is.

3. What's your job?

my job is very cool and specific and I love it, but it's not one I would ever want to mix with my online persona for various reasons. in fact I've always worked in an "industry" that I think should never mix with my nsfw ways on here. always happy to talk about it in private!

4. If you could go back to school would you?

oh hale to the FUCK no. I hate school. I haven't liked school since I graduated high school. my brain can't be made to think like that and do so much work to other people's specifications--and then there's sitting in class and having to listen to other people talk, I couldn't give less of a shit if I tried! I'm a voracious self directed learner--I want to learn something new like, every second--but this doesn't translate well into a school setting.

unfortunately--a job I think would be really cool to have, I'd have to get a master's and certification, and while I think I'd be great at the job, I'd be right shit at the kind of work the degree requires you to do to pass. (I could easily do the job with good mentoring and maybe like...one course, but that's how so many things are.) Maybe if I marry rich I'd go back! Frank lampard step the fuck up!

5. Can you parallel park?

I could do it just to pass my driver's test and have done it like. twice since. I'm terrible 😭 I have visual-spatial-perceptual whatever deficits and just can't do it. I also have a spot missing from my peripheral vision on my left side so parking on that side is even more confusing. my sister however is great at those things and yet she also can barely parallel park, you should see the two of us try to do it together, it's a full on yakety sax comedy. the WORST is here in the city, people stop on the street and give you unsolicited advice while you park and this gives me so much anxiety that I can't even remember what to do.

6. Do you think aliens are real?

not really? I suppose there's sentient life somewhere but is it likely to be humanoid? I'm terrified of space (I'm one of those would rather go to the bottom of the ocean than outer space freaks) so I try not to think about it

7. Can you drive a manual car?

what to heck,,,,,,,,,,,,of course I can't 🇺🇸 shamed by having to pay more to rent an automatic when I've driven in Europe

8. Guilty pleasure?

disregarding my dietary restrictions? I also have the bad habit of reading what scents my hot favs wear and then buying cheap samples. today one arrived that I forgot I'd ordered so now my wrists smell like chanel allure. I'm indifferent? it smells like Ladies' Perfume

what else...idk, I'm not too guilty about my pleasures really

9. Tattoos?

none--I have a couple of ideas, but have never been tempted to actually do it?

10. Favourite colour?

black and pink!

11. Favourite type of music?

I like things that are loud and repetitive and insistent. sometimes screechy. I like listening to other languages. my favorite instrument is the bagpipes (how do I say that in a grammatically correct way ffs) if that helps! will always go for: good rap/hip hop, 80s thrash metal, eastern european/balkan folk music, techno (the darker and more berghainy the better), other weird electronica, the beatles, most things that came out of the 80s

12. Do you like puzzles?

the kind with pieces? those are fun, I just don't have any room to spread one out. other kinds, like logic and shit, absolutely not, my brain doesn't work like that at all

13. Any phobias?

insects, and the main one: food contamination, but not the kind you're thinking--I definitely am more anxious than the average person about the food I eat being contaminated, but what the phobia actually is is more like...places where food shouldn't be being contaminated by bits of food...It's very specific and I've always had it but it's getting worse as I get older. like, imagine if you go into a restaurant and there's a couple of crumbs on the chair, or like, a bit of dirt on the underside of the waiter's tray. you'll just brush them off, right? or like, just not care about the bottom of a tray? I feel sick to my stomach and my heart is racing a bit just imagining this. what a privilege!

I'm also fucking terrified of being alone in elevators, but I'm not sure if that counts as a phobia? (I'm afraid of getting stuck in one by myself--as long as there's another person in there I don't care lol)

14. Favourite childhood sport?

swimming was my only one--I begged for lessons, started young, and was pretty good, did a swim team and everything. otherwise I am horrible at sports--I can't run (never could), and have no hand-eye coordination (did some occupational therapy at age 18 but it was Too Late), and again, those visual perceptual spatial issues! I wasn't terrible at floor hockey and volleyball in gym class I guess. footy was my worst 😭 in 8 years of gym I scored one goal--an own goal

15. Do you talk to yourself?

Not really.

16. What movies do you adore?

hmmm...I am not a huge movies person, but here's a list:

mulholland drive

mary poppins

the producers (mostel/wilder, 1967)

willy wonka & the chocolate factory (gene wilder version ONLY)

little miss sunshine

moulin rouge

cabaret

my cousin vinny

run lola run

y tu mamá también

the sound of music

chicago

kill bill vol. 1

cidade de deus

diarios de motocicleta

buena vista social club (not without its problematic side, but the musicians/music is so joyous)

the wedding singer

anklaget/the accused (weird danish movie that I don't think anyone i know has heard of?)

le dîner de cons

kamchatka

imagine me and you

ghostbusters 2016 (i will DIE on this hill)

brokeback mountain

team america: world police

rear window

amadeus

the crow

the incredibles

spaceballs

a shot in the dark

airplane!

romeo + juliet

school of rock

american psycho

uncut gems

rebecca

dial m for murder

17. Tea or coffee?

coffee! please. tea makes me feel a bit sick

18. First thing you wanted to be growing up?

I wanted to be an opera singer and a "lady mover" (we moved twice in the span of like, 2 and a half years when I was little)

[skaruresonic]

"Shadow isn't always an aggro douchebag, look at all these times where he was slightly chill for three seconds in a row! Sure there are just as many if not more examples of Shadow being a raging knob, but I personally do not like those instances and therefore I am going to say they were bad writing and ignore them in favor of the reading of his character that personally appeals to me more!"

What is it about Shadow that makes people be trippin so much? lol

How hard is it for people to just wrap their heads around the idea that Shadows chemistry is different with everybody? He has a MUTUAL competitive relationship with Sonic BECAUSE they have just as much in common as they have differences. Rouge is probably the most trustworthy person in Shadows life currently but it's more like they're co-workers than friends. Amy seems to be able to tug on his heartstrings and get him to do whatever she wants with her earnest personality even while he acts all tsundere about it. Ect.

The way Shadow is isn't mutually exclusive, but folks seem to want to just disregard interactions they don't like because they're different from interactions he has at other times under different circumstances. If your view of Shadow requires trimming fat and going "yeah well that time he was being 'OOC' so I just ignore it" then maybe your view of Shadow isn't accurate.

>>me @ me: the damage is done. you've said your piece. do not drop the Even Spicier Take(tm)

>>me: instructions unclear, failed step one

Tbh, I didn't want to say this because quite frankly, I didn't know how to word it in a way that wouldn't come across as though I was passing judgment since that's not my intention. But… ever since Shadow dropped that "go help your teammates" line in Sonic Forces Overclocked, this general notion has percolated in the back of my mind...

...Well. I think this idea of Shadow as modern fandom conceives him is... made up. And that's the lightest way I can put it.

Over time, I've come to suspect that fandom's constructed this mental image of Shadow as a noble protector archetype, soft-spoken and who always strives to fulfill his duty, and they've become quite attached to it to the point of rejecting other aspects of his character… like the pettiness and the bullheadedness.

It's possible the reason for the backlash against Sega's current portrayal is because the image doesn't match reality. His canonical pettiness chafes against the grain of who he "should" be. I'm not sure how well I'm explaining myself, but I hope the sentiment is received in the spirit in which it's intended.

That's not to say the archetype or the better parts of his personality are necessarily wrong in every circumstance (mandatory disclaimer that I am speaking in generalities and am not personally knocking your fic), but rather, insisting that noble side is all he is and lumping the less palatable traits under that umbrella paints an incomplete picture of his character. Although nobility and pragmatism do inform important parts of his character, they aren't his only traits.

It's like if people took umbrage with Sonic saying "I have no master except the wind that blows free." What, precisely, is there to take umbrage with? If part of the character's personality rubs you the wrong way, that doesn't necessarily have to indicate OOCness, especially when the character is supposed to be an anti-hero.

I have no legit idea what folks even mean by "Vegeta!Shadow" anymore because, for one thing, never watched DBZ, and for another, he gets slapped with the label regardless of his behavior. I can't isolate the offending variable because there doesn't seem to be one, aside from "Sega sucks." Forces!Shadow is relatively chill but still Vegeta!Shadow because Reasons. Flynn fucks up issue 19 so therefore his portrayal is evidence that Sega wants Vegeta!Shadow, because that's how logic works I guess. Shadow goes on vtube and his rivalry with Sonic gets acknowledged? Vegeta!Shadow. Like, is there no sense of scale or degree with which people apply the label? These are three different portrayals. I don't understand.

Obviously I don't want to be all "you must have a high IQ to understand Shadu Le Hedgehog(tm)" because that's very not much the message I want to convey. Lol and lmao I would be so far up my own ass if I did.

But it is interesting how discussing him specifically results in particular problems of communication. The issues with discussing Shadow appear to be that A.) folks tend to think your personal opinions and gripes are indicative of those of all Shadow fans AKA the SA2 fan problem, and B.) you're always going to miss some nuance that someone else is going to point out, and sometimes you have to decide to take the L for the sake of conserving energy.

I've written about his character at length, sometimes embarrassingly so (he rotates in my brain like a TV dinner. hehe Shadow go brrrr). And I think anyone who follows me at this point knows my attitude on Shadow is always changing in subtle ways, because there are as many ways of looking at him as there are facets of his character.

On the other hand… I get that people flanderize him, and his multiplicity can be difficult to capture in the limited space a post can permit. But also, there are times where I'm tired and can't English(tm) and I just don't feel like including footnotes every time I'm like "hehe Shadow's kind of an asshole <3," you know what I mean? It should go without saying that Shadow's character allows enough berth that "hehe Shadow's kind of an asshole <3" does not inherently preclude those moments where he's not-an-asshole. Or less-of-an-asshole. Whichever. You know what I mean.

Despite being frustrated with fanon, I'm not trying to pass indictment and say This Is How Shadow Ought To Be Characterized Forever. Rather, I'm just expressing frustration at how fandom continuously refuses to accept the most baseline traits, like (checks notes) "annoyed by Sonic sometimes."

Like it or not, he does have some rough edges. It wouldn't be fair to sand down the bad boy side of Sonic, and indeed some subsects of fandom complain about its erasure. So why is it okay to do to Shadow?

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

I honestly can't believe the people who think Jonsa will be canon in the books when Jonrya is right there. At least Jonerys *kinda* makes sense, butJon mentally compares Arya's body to Ygrittes when they're having sex. That literally happens. Explain that away.

(So help me, if you guys use this one as an excuse to reopen the pro-shipping debate...)

Before I go any further, I will address the elephant in the room. The only one The Golden Company ferried over. I am aware that in the original outline, Martin planned to put Jon and Arya together. So it's easier to see this as leftover remnants of that could-have-been romance. Problem is, that outline also had Tyrion crushing on Arya. It had Sansa pregnant with Joffrey's child, it had Cat getting killed by The Others. See what I mean? It's not the released series, and it's certainly different enough for me to pretty much disregard what it offers.

One quick correction, if you don't mind my doing so. Technically, Jon mentally compares Ygritte's body to Arya's when he's picturing her naked, but not actually when they're doing the deed. I...realize that hardly sounds any better, but the actual lines, about how underneath her furs, she could be "as skinny as Arya" just seems innocent enough for me to take it as innocent.

Another important note. While I'm not condemning the idea of shipping half siblings (or...cousins? R + L = J isn't confirmed in the books, but even if it's true, they were raised as siblings...y'know what, it doesn't matter.) since this is ASOIAF after all, what I will condemn is shipping Jon and Arya as anything other than a "distant future" idea because...there's a considerable age-gap and while it's not quite as pronounced in the books, the character are also younger. I believe Arya is nine in AGOT, which is the last time Jon would have seen her? So uh, no. He better not be thinking about her that way.

Really, I think there's a much more logical (and non-sexual) explanation for what happened here.

Jon doesn't compare Ygritte to Arya because he has a thing for Arya. He compares them because he has literally no other frame of reference for women. No, seriously, think about it. The only women/girls that he's ever interacted with are Cat, Sansa, and Arya. Cat despised him and iced him out. Sansa was rude to him (as she was to basically everyone) and mocked him for being a bastard. Arya, on the other hand, was Jon's best friend. She was also the only girl, (again, he knew all of three, growing up) who defied gender norms, meaning that she was not just the only girl, but only person in general that Jon knew who acted like one of The Free Folk.

When Jon leaves Winterfell, he goes straight to the Night's Watch, which is exclusively men. He doesn't encounter a woman again until Ygritte. Want to know why he compares Ygritte to Arya? This is why. She reminds him of his sister, which one can take as a sign of shipping, but it could easily be platonic as well. I feel like it would have been stranger for him not to compare them. Ygritte is literally the second girl in Jon's life that he feels anything positive for, and she's also Jon's first exposure to the Free Folk, who embody a lot of qualities as a whole that Arya also has.

Ultimately, Jon loves his family, the North, and the Free Folk, and that's all interconnected. I don't think it really has much to do with shipping.

[edens-pen]

Hi! I just wanted to pop in and say that you're SO right about the lurking thing. Like yeah, you can lurk. But don't be surprised when your 'favourite content creators' leave/lose motivation because you refuse to reblog/leave feedback. Intrinsic motivation only lasts so long.

The way people are getting mad at fandom creators for asking for reblogs and comments is so??? Incomprehensible? Why can't we ask for something that'll help us with reach and motivation? Why are we suddenly ungrateful for asking for the one/two things that'll help us continue? Why are we suddenly seen as content creating machines?

I'm personally fine with lurkers because I get it! Some of them are shy. But that's only because often you can tell whether they support you/they just want you to write shit for them. I'm okay with lurker blogs just liking my posts because my requirements are low about things, but even then there's a huge difference in how I react about a like (from a typical lurker) vs a reblog!

It's wild. The argument that is that lurkers are embarrassed? Embarrassed enough to have a completely blank blog? Lol. Why? Why would you be embarrassed of something you love? In fact, if you're so embarrassed, then why consume it at all? Why treat the work of others as something to be embarrassed about? It's insulting. If you're embarrassed then create a secondary blog and reblog! Make a new account and go nuts on it! It's tumblr. You're anonymous. There are so many ways to go about it (drop a comment!!! send in an ask!!!) and... people choose none of it.

That's not supporting your favourite artists/writers/editors/gif makers etc etc etc!

Honestly what's more maddening is the fact that some of these 'lurker' blogs follow TONS of people but when you check their profile they have 1) no reblogged posts (okay! fine!) but 2) NO LIKES imo that's so fucking insulting. You follow creators and don't reblog? Fine. I get it. You actively follow creators, read, look, react, but don't even like? Then why are you here...? The whole reason I even started using tumblr in the first place was for the ability to reblog and put my thoughts in the tags!

Fandoms need lurkers? Okay! Sure! I guess I see the point. But your fandom won't exist if creators are driven off by these lurkers, will it?

Sorry! This got long, but it's just so maddening to see people try and stir shit up making fandom creators look like we're being unreasonable for asking for one thing. Thank you for making that post

literally this!! artists on tumblr are literally asking for the bare minimum, which a blank reblog, and people are up in arms about it. (little rant about yesterday below)

and what's been itching my eyelids is that folks will reblog that post about being a lurker, and then not reblog any of the work they like. the work that people do for FREE on this website is so amazing, and it's not entitled to know that you're good at something and ask the people who consume it to share it.

the OP on that post thinks their "lol i'm an artist" is some sort of like "in your face" moment and it's not. why would you not support other artist's requests, especially when it's one so many of us share? like congrats you're in the 1% who don't rely on commission or shares...yay?

and the thing that really pissed me off about it is when i made a good point, they disregarded it entirely "i don't wanna fight :(( peace + love + happiness". like get your mf dog off my reblog bitch i don't fuckin' care, OP tried to make it seem like i'm being provoking for disagreeing with their terrible opinion.

the main point being is that without reblogs (even our self-reblogs) our work will sit in one place on the dash forever. and if i don't scroll down far enough, sometimes i don't even see work by people i follow. we need reblogs.

(lmfao and the whole thing about being embarrassed is so annoying sometimes. like did i ask you to read in front of your church?? did i say send it to your mom?? or did i say reblog it.)

[writing-good-vibes]

we are what we are when in danger

i just finished 3 from hell and felt compelled by a higher power. read on to watch me purposely disregard foxy in order to write emotional sibling stuff. WARNING for death but is anyone surprised? this features otis driftwood, death follows him like a bad smell.

It really was just the two of them. They were the future.

Sure, other people came and went. Fucked them over or sold them out or dropped fucking dead. People came and went, but they were forever.

Otis and Baby until the end.

He's thankful, he supposes. Foxy really pulled through for him when he really thought it might be the end of the line for him.

Still, three's company and all that. He had to go.

His last bullet for his last brother.

He ought to feel bad, but when did Otis Driftwood ever feel things like 'bad' or 'guilty'. No, no, he did what he had to do and that's just how the world keeps on turning.

Like he told Baby: it's just the two of them.

He wonders if he should tell Baby about this, how he cut Foxy's string of fate himself. He wouldn't. He would. He'd decide on the way.

He finds his clothes under the bed and pulls them on, buckling his belt and holster and salvaging a gun and ammo from the prone corpse of a Black Satan. Satan, he could laugh.

Spying through the windows he assess the situation. Only 6 guys left that he could count. Then he spies Baby, tied haphazardly to the fountain in the centre of town.

That asshole is parading around in his fancy fucking suit like it gives him some virtue, some divine fucking purpose, Satanic or otherwise. No, no, Otis thinks again, no this asshole wouldn't know Satan if he came knocking on his front door, which he very well could.

He makes his way downstairs, close to the walls and ducking under windows. A voice spilling in, loud and grating in the empty square. Come out or he'll shoot.

Baby could take it.

He won't let her. He was always getting in the way of her fun. Especially when she won't shut the fuck up.

They manage, like they always do. Sure, help that is freely given won't be turned down, but they can't be expected to save every wannabe-misfit-toy-motherfucker they come across.

No, no, Otis thinks, no one has been able to keep up with them. Not back then, when they rode into town and folk looked down their noses at the pig-farmers. Even in a hick town, the Fireflys were too backwater. Not now, with a cartel on their backs and ten years -- wasted years -- to make up for.

No, Otis thinks. No one has ever been able to keep up with him like Baby does.

[belastein-blog]

Hello! I'm Bela (sometimes Belavula or Revenstein) and I role-play online and write twilight fanfiction.

I'm still new to writing fanfiction and you can probably tell if you read Black Hole Sun, my first attempt at branching out from the original author's work (as respectfully to the original as possible).

But in Carnival of Rust I was ready to make big changes to the original and folks have really liked it so far. It's my goal to write my own stories someday and I hope I keep learning and growing.

However, I say this to the endless void of the internet, I feel like I need constructive criticism. Every budding writer needs it and though it's hard to hear sometimes, it's necessary for growth. But, I can't tell you how irksome it is that people are angry with my work because I captured the original Edward's personality *well*.

People hate Edward, and I honestly don't blame them, but even with him being a toxic person how many of us had a toxic person that we fell in love with and either we realized it and broke up with them, or they understood what they've been doing wrong and work to change themselves into a better person. I feel like folks see the original toxic Edward traits in my female Edythe for instance and disregard the possibility that I have a goal to correct that and actually have characters take accountability for their behavior and have growth. Like, one of the things I hated from the original series was how Jacob had no chance to grow the hell up. He just bonded with Renesme and it's like everything was sunshine and rainbows, so to speak. He was forgiven, everything 'made sense' (uh, no. Lol) and he didn't have to face accountability for what he did to Bella. Not really, not enough to provoke change and growth.

The real human experience that we, as readers, genuinely need. At least, in my opinion.

I guess, for me, having been on both sides of the coin, I'm most grateful to the times I lost my husband or lost friendships because that (with other things obviously) helped me to understand how my teenage self was toxic and (heavily repressed) and I was lucky to break out of that. Even slowly, it's progress. To be better than I used to be. If I could do it, why not Edward/Edythe? Why can't they be given the chance to become a better person?

If they have the chance and don't, then good riddance. But read the whole story before making an assumption that a character will always stay that person. I don't care if Edward being able to grow as a person breaks 'vampire canon' it's necessary.

But then, a lot of things are changing. Hopefully for the better. It's just taking time for me to stand on my own legs. Sometimes growing them grows me into someone better along the way.

I also ramble. I'll try not to do it too much. Lol.

[privnotese]

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[fandomsandfeminism]

Don't fucking call me dearie.

You've chosen some emotionally charged language here, and I get it- it's an emotional subject for you.

But both "murder" and "child" carry heavy connotations here that are *debatable* at best.

Child- I won't argue deeply. An embryo has vastly significant differences to an infant, but if you want to pretend like they are indistinguishable, fine. It does make analogy tricky, but fine.

Murder- this I object to. Allow me to explain.

Abortion does kill the embryo. That's a fact. But murder implies that this is an unjustified killing. In fact, abortion is far closer to using lethal force in self defense.

Ah! Self defense, you balk. How can you ACCUSE the BABY of needing to be defended against!? Well, here is where calling an embryo a child makes things funky, right? Because an embryo, by necessity, is *inside* of another person's body. It is, be definition, feeding off the other person's body, their nutrients, taking calcium from their bones. None of this is malicious or even intentional- an embryo can't have malice or intent. But you have insisted on acting like it's indistinguishable from a child, so here we are.

If another person is trying to access or IS accessing my BODY and I am not consenting to that- if I am not willing to have this happen- I am entitled to using force in self defense of my own body. Even potentially lethal force.

That's true if the other person is 1 day old or 70 years old. That's true if they are trying to access my body because they want to rape me or steal my kidney. That's true regardless of whether they need my body to stay alive or if this is just for fun. Access to my body is *fucking sacred* and I get final say, regardless.

Oh, but the baby didn't do anything wrong, YOU had sex, I can just hear you typing away. And fucking stop. Because this isn't about ~punishment~ because the embryo is a criminal- it's about protecting my body from bring used by another person without my consent. The intent of the embryo doesnt change the material situation. And having sex doesn't strip me of that right.

You CONSENTED to the risk of pregnancy- yeah and the risk of pregnancy isn't the same thing as 40 weeks of being pregnant. Fucking incredible, isn't it? That there are many ways to respond to risk and forced pregnancy isnt the only one? (And let's not forget the folks who DIDNT chose to have sex, yeah?)

Look, I'm so tired of having to explain this to people, but this "it's BABY MURDER" Rhetoric is so fucking niave. It completely disregards the reasons and situations which cause people to sometimes chose abortion. It completely ignores the way in which abortion is harm reduction- people aren't getting abortions because their life is great and everything is coming up roses. Abortion is generally a response to people ALREADY being in some kind of bad situation, and a forced pregnancy will make that situation worse. This kind of rhetoric completely ignores the biological reality of pregnancy and the risks involved, the way in which the ability to become pregnant makes us vulnerable to abuse and exploitation, and the basic humanity and right to dignity under the law that people who can become pregnant deserve.

Blah blah blah it's murder, shut the fuck up. There are so many things we as a society can do to help people NOT be in the rough situations which can lead to abortion being their choice, WITHOUT thing that choice away from people. Universal health care, subsidized prenatal care, stronger protections for survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault, better access to contraceptives- do that. Focus on helping the people who are already here instead of forcing those people to suffer for the benefit of people who might be born in the future.

#blocked

What a lot of people get wrong about the abortion debate is this- they want to argue "abortion is good/bad/ok but in whatever circumstances/etc".

But that isn't the question at all. The question is "is this the government's business?" And "are strangers entitled to make this choice for you?" "Legally, who gets final say on your pregnancy/medical choices?"

And regardless of how you feel about abortion, I can't imagine anyone wanting their govenor/senator/president getting to decide that.

[tamespace]

My Real Beef with Minimalism: I Can't Really Afford It

I few weeks ago, I watched the documentary on Netflix called Minimalism. I held off on watching it for a while because I've felt ambivalent about the minimalist lifestyle trend for a few years now. 

That might be strange to people since I am a personal organizer and people embracing minimalism would make my job easier and perhaps obsolete. I'm ok with both of options, which I realize the latter is an unusual standpoint to have on one's job, but more on that later.

What bothers me about minimalism? I didn't know for a long time, though I thought about it often, turning the idea over and over in my head. Wondering why it simply never sat right with me.

I've written about lifestyle minimalism here, here and here, but in previous posts I've just dealt with it in an affable, informative way. 

Then a random conspiring of posts on Twitter yesterday helped dislodge the cause of my discomfort with minimalism. 

I saw this Reductress Post:

I had a blog post on Minimalism from 2013, just when Reductress was founded, going something like this:

Minimalist Lifestyle Trend 

The popular Minimalists, Becker and Nicodemus, were on NPR a few years ago. I was loading the dishwasher while listening and towards the end of their talk they agreed to take listener calls. The calls were, without exception, from women asking about how to clear out the clutter in kids rooms. 

The allure of capsule wardrobes, Japanese organizers and other modern notions seems irresistible in a culture that has a billion dollar  storage industry. We have a real appetite for buying things and now a matching appetite for storing. 

I have watched the growing movement of minimalism ( aka downsizing, down shifting, simplicity, simple living) throughout the world. In architecture, design, futuristic movies and idealized in thousands of photographs on shelter sites. 

The pull, for me, is strong. I love it but I do not think it is the answer for many. In fact minimalism has a following largely in the upper percentage of earners, such that it seems only the wealthy can truly achieve it. 

It is difficult to achieve because our society is set up to be grand consumers but we have also inherited a rightful guilt about throwing things away from our parents and grandparents.

Then during my writing group last Wednesday, I read a draft from my book, Tame Space, on Minimalism and the the Simple Living Movement (you'd be right to think they were the same, but they are only similar, for reasons explained in my book). One writing pal said she agreed, that living minimalist seemed to have an elite quality to it that many who struggle with paying rent could probably not appreciate. Another writing pal said they didn't think it was elitist but that it pointed to a need for an individual to find a set point for themselves, and that for some the set point was minimalist and others maximalist. I agreed with both ideas, though more strongly that it feels elitist but didn't know how to explain it in the moment.

Then I happened to stumble upon Kristin Wong's post on the movie Minimalism on Netflix and this from her site:

While I relate to minimalism on an aesthetic level (and even on a Buddhist level to some extent), something about the trend toward minimalism is unsettling. It seems problematic, at least in the current state of our economy, to push the virtue of minimalism in terms of wealth. Despite being overshadowed by more pressing headlines, income inequality hasn’t gotten any better. The average income of the top 10% of Americans is upwards of $200k and the top 1% earn over six million a year. But the vast majority–90% of people–make an average of $33,000 a year.

And there it is. $33,000 a year for the majority of people. I had a quiet aha moment. Sometimes, living with less isn't a clarion call to the good life. Sometimes, it's just less stuff because we have less money. 

Can you imagine for a moment, living paycheck to paycheck for most of your life and worrying about paying for new shoes for your kid and living on a daily diet of painkillers because you can't afford to see the dentist because your car needs repairs asap - imagine that and hearing about two single guys who were making six figure salaries and walking away from it because they realized they'd rather be fiction writers and live with less stuff? 

If you can't imagine, read Linda Turado's Hand to Mouth. She wrote an essay on Gawker on being poor and a defense of some of the things that poor folks find they are judged for in the media and in politics. The essay was so popular Penguin asked her to write a book. It reminded me a bit of Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich (Hand to Mouth by Paul Auster is also good too but labeled fiction) both should be required reading for everyone but definitely for the upper crust who would then tout minimalism less as a great achievement and more as the antidote to their particular kind of moneyed malaise.

In Linda Turado's world, I'd be pretty bitter for a moment about the Minimalist trend (can I have the houseful of nice stuff that you just gave away?) before I had to get back to worrying about how to get new shoes for my kid. Of course, I don't dislike the Minimalists, I'm happy for anyone courageous enough to walk away from financial security to find true bliss and to make a living sharing their method. I like many of their posts on simple living and letting go of things, like this and this.  I reserve my bitterness for many other things life has presented. Like aging, or the current political climate, or people who don't pick up their dog's poop. Bitterness is the contrasting flavor to my sweet optimism that doing what I love - helping people - will someday pay off. Pay off enough to cover basic needs and save for retirement, of course. It currently doesn't.

I do find their repeated message of minimalism as THE answer to be grating as I struggle to live in NYC. It's expensive to live here, but I can't think of leaving, I love it here. I'm proud of my work here. My husband can make his living only here as a publicist for theater and dance. But I know financially I wouldn't cut it in NYC with two kids if something happened to my partner. He's got the health insurance benefits and a living wage. 

I, too, am living the dream of pursuing meaningful work. But if I decide to live minimalist and get rid of excess to barest extreme, I may not have the old macbook that I could upgrade if my current laptop broke or was stolen. I live mostly by my work principles - don't keep what you don't use - but sometimes you have to, you want to, because you are afraid of not being able to buy another. I am afraid to be minimalist because I live largely hand to mouth.

In case it doesn't seem apparent, the seeming luxury of my career choice was driven by sheer necessity: big time gap in my resume meant I could not find work in marketing after 8 years of staying at home with the kids. Also, marketing changed immensely from 2003 to 2013. I no longer had a professional network to help onramp into the working world. Frustrated and clinically depressed, I founded Tame Space in late 2011 after realizing I needed to instantly create a business that spoke to my best skills (organizing and working with people one on one), gave me a flexible schedule to spend time with my kids and allowed me some creative outlet (this blog).

I share the gist of my personal financial situation because that's the reason I've never been able to jump on the Minimalism bandwagon. My finances are too minimalist to play fast and loose with the idea of having very little in my home. If I ever have the luxury, like some of my clients, to unload bags of designer clothes to my housekeeper and design my own minimalist apartment in Brooklyn and have loads of money socked away for retirement and the kids' college tuition, maybe I could stand to let go of everything. Or maybe not, since the feeling of scarcity is sometimes a specter that lives only in your mind and disregards how much money you actually have in your bank account.

I think of my parents and many of my clients and how the feeling of scarcity (whether it's true or not in their situation) is enough to trigger holding tendencies. I say holding because they are not hoarding and forgetting about things in the dark corners of a Collyer brothers home, but are waiting for some feared future time when they may need this extra set of shoes or the old laptop or those glass mason jars or the french yogurt maker.

I hope that one day I can feel unfettered by fear of not being able to buy something I once had and discarded. Until then, I can only see lifestyle minimalism as a delightful path to fulfilled living for the segment of the population who could easily replace anything they once thought they could live without.

In a perfect world, a person considering Minimalism might give their entire household of things to a family who had just left temporary homeless shelter and needed good quality household items and clothes. And hopefully, they'd never need to look back.