#And that +2 has now devolved into a sex scene

[amethystina]

I just want everyone to know that writing sex scenes is the bane of my existence and I regret every single life choice that has led me to this moment

And, before you ask: No, it's not Who Holds the Devil.

But is it Yo Han and Ga On?

Yes, yes it is.

And I cannot BELIEVE how kinky and oblivious Ga On manages to be, both at the same time. He'll definitely be the death of me (and Yo Han) before this is over.

Just...

ლ(ಥ益ಥლ)

[hazelfoureyes]

A Doe in Fall (part 7)

⟢HumanAlastor x FemaleBurlesquerReader - A Doe in Fall

Part 1 - Pretty in Red smut💦 Part 2 - Liar smut💦 Part 3 - A Tragedy smut💦 Part 4 - Enough Part 5 - Too Much Part 6 - Learning smut💦 Part 7 - Recognition smut💦 Part 8 - Trust sexual 🥵 Part 9 - Shiny Things Part 10 - Good Deeds Part 11 - Caught Part 12 - Eddie Part 13 - The Release Part 14 - Someone like her smutty💦

Part 7 Recognition

It was time to start again. Alastor couldn't forget what his mother had wanted, even if she didn't ask it of him directly. And while he finds his comfort again in killing, Detective Brady finds a lead.

「Warnings/Promises: Human Alastor x Fem Burlesquer reader, smut, reader's thighs as ear muffs, referencing cruel racists in the early 20th century south, reference to marital violence, pussy eaten, p in v sex, no creampie BOO, bad dancing, Alastor's southern accent, Alastor's mother, gossip, murder, greed , two idiots pretending they aren't madly in love, poor family planning, lots of 1920's slang with notes for your ease」

I think I fixed the broken tag list!

....it's been over a month. Here's nearly 9000 words of our favorite idiots. I feel weird labeling this smut now as...we are...kinda past the smut point and just making sweet sweet love. lol ugh gross. thank you to everyone whose offered help, donated, and shared the word about my mom! It’s been an immense help and has made her a little emotional (in a good way) <Florida stole my moms teeth— explanation and donation link> unrelated, anyone want some RadioDust?

Minors…. Minors. My inbox counts as interacting when you’re literally in there requesting smut. I know your bio has no age but baby honey darling I can tell by your writing. 🔞 Do Not Interact 🏠🚗

A development he knew was coming even if no one else believed him. A drug addict with debts to the local crime syndicates disappearing was neither suspicious nor a mystery. Everyone was confident it was obvious Tommy was at the bottom of Lake Pontchartrain or halfway to California.

But not to him, not for Detective Brady. He had been on the beat for the better part of a year, convinced there was a connection between some of the disappearances in town.

No one wanted to hear it though, most people didn’t even care the people were missing. Only the occasional wife, concerned how she would keep a roof over her head and food in her kid’s bellies with the man of the house gone. But other than that, no tears or chest beating for the missing men and women.

Which made him confident there were countless more unreported cases. Just because no one missed them, a crime is a crime.

But, no bodies, no blood, no crime scenes… he looked like he had lost the fucking plot to his colleagues.

The city didn’t want the bad press, not to mention the fact there was no actual crime to be reported. Someone up and left down? Okay, he was a wife beater? Probably left with his mistress. The cruel den mother of the home for unwanted kids? Her assistant takes the lead and she moves onto a new town to menace. Probably running from the people angry with her.

But he finally had something. Tommy was pimping out dancers, and even laid hands on one. Surely there was a man looking for revenge for that. Can’t knock around a man’s woman and have it go unanswered.

So he tried again to find the woman whose only name he knew was a moniker. Autumn Hind.

Every time Brady came to the theater, another excuse. You left early. You were on the roof smoking—- oh, you slipped out the back. Weekends were your off days, so that was useless.

“You’re obsessed.” Detective Freeman threw an eraser he’d picked off his pencil at Brady. He had seen the man devolve slowly over the past couple months.

“Thanks.” Brady was staring at his notes.

“Not a compliment, Kenny. Shit happens, people leave town. You’re acting like a handful of no shows are some conspiracy.” Freeman came to stand behind Brady, leaning over to read his notes, “How can you even read that chicken scratch?”

He clapped the notebook shut, “Every report was a person less than liked. What are the chances they all leave town in the middle of the night, last seen in the same general area?”

Freeman patted his shoulder, “Did you just ask me why a bunch of assholes,” he stood up and made a show of stretching out tired muscles, “who liked illegal hooch* and jazz with plenty of enemies disappeared?” (*booze)

Brady slapped his desk, “There! You said it! They had enemies. But what— what if they had one enemy in common. A bar manager or — or a,” he was still looking for that link.

“Kenny, the boogeyman isn’t roaming New Orleans killing people. If the higher ups don’t care, if the families don’t care, it doesn’t matter. Let it go.”

The sleep deprived detective sunk into his wooden chair, swiveling side to side anxiously, “Tommy’s mother cares.”

“Yeah well mom’s are famously bad judges of character.” Slipping on his jacket, he shot a worried look to his partner, “Ya gonna go home? Janet’s probably a mess. You’ve been keeping late hours.”

“Nah not yet. I gotta get to the theater before this dame goes ghost on me again.”

“Yikes, still? You’ve been chasing her for a while.” He was making a slow inching walk to the door.

“It’d be easier if I had some support. I gotta do this on my own time.” A deep sigh, well past the point of hiding his frustration with his colleagues and bosses. Freeman looked over the wrinkled shirt and wilted tie, evidence of a man losing his grip.

“Welp, good luck buddy. Hope you get to the bottom of whatever this is.” He gestured at the messy desk and disheveled man, “See ya tomorrow.”

Brady waved without looking up. His eyes were staring into the black leather of his notepad. Tommy was the only recent assumed victim with any real suspicion. The woman whose husband disappeared after going to see a show? Only enemy to him was her, and she wasn’t strong enough to take him down. Deadend.

Most recent, nice young man from up north. Went out for a good time, hoping to catch a little lady for some stress relief, according to his coworkers. Never showed up at work the next day. No one had a bad word to say about the man. Making him an outlier, but still. He was young, strong, soft spoken. Not an enemy in sight but no family to worry, either. Deadend.

But Tommy. Someone cared he was gone. He was in the jazz game, the drug dens, the illegal drink business, and had a heavy hand. He was the perfect bad man, right?

He looked across his desk. Bad men. The occasional unsavory woman. Maybe it was just their time. They pissed off the wrong people.

Or the wrong person.

Someone who worked downtown, someone into dance and drink, someone with nights free to do his work. Maybe a hired gun? No, some of these people didn’t have the money for that.

Plus, one person and so many missing? That would be unheard of, it’d be some kind of record for Louisiana.

A record Brady could claim.

When he entered the theater James, the manager who replaced Tommy, noticeably rolled his eyes, getting in front of the man. “It’s real bad for business to have a cop in here all the damn time. Come on, if you’re not here for a raid then could you be a little less obvious.”

Brady looked past him, “What do you mean?”

“You’re— what is it? What can I do for you?”

“Here again for Miss Autumn. Care to give her real name yet?”

“No can do. Ain’t my business to tell. She’s finished her set, asked to head home early.” Brady turned and kicked a chair over, a large man approaching behind the manager before seeing the hip badge and backing up. “Nah we’re not doing that. We’ve told her you’ve come by but she’s a busy lady. Several gigs here and there. Enough, you’re harassing the dancers now.”

With a snap, Brady had his finger in the manager’s face, “Whatcha gonna do? Call the cops?”

“She. Isn’t. Here. What the fuck do you want? For me to tie her up and bring her to your station?”

That’d be ideal.

A month, nearly. Coming once or twice a week to try and speak to you but every time he missed you. He was going to snap if he heard one more time you were gone. Maybe everyone was in on it. Maybe you werenin the back right now laughing at him.

Brady scanned the room, “Where’s she live?”

“How the fuck would I know— please, leave.” James gestured to the doors.

He lifted his badge up, waving it at the patrons seated closest to him, “Yall know it’s still illegal to partake-,”

“Jesus! Enough!” The manager pushed him back, flashing an apologetic smile to the guests, “She moonlights Sundays at The Dime near the park on 5th, singing for a friend. That’s all I got about her life off stage. Will you fucking go?”

The detective perked up, “See, was that so hard?”

Finally, he could feel his fingers grasp the shifting shadow that was his only lead.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“I never said sorry.”

You turned your head, not expecting him to say something serious. Waiting, he didn’t add explanation. Sorry? What had he done… ran out of milk? Forgot to bring in the towels before it rained last week? A quick search of your memory yielded nothing.

“For what?”

He was staring off in front of him. “For putting you in danger before. In the park. I am sincerely sorry.”

You’d somehow almost forgotten. It’d been weeks. Every bad feeling that night had brought you had been carried away by good morning kisses and gentle words before sleep. Nearly every night was spent in his bed, Alastor dropping you off at your apartment when he went downtown for work. The incident in the park was a different lifetime already.

Had he really put you in danger? Or had you rushed into the danger of his hobby to feel closer to him?

“I put myself in that situation. You didn't throw me at that guy. I don’t do a damn thing I don’t want to do. You should have learned that by now.”

Tough act for a woman who jumped up to pour some man’s coffee.

You shook your head, you had to stop equating doting on Alastor as a show of weakness. It wasn’t. Even if admitting that meant admitting you were wrong.

But he had put you in danger’s way, he knew it. “No, you wouldn’t have ever been in that situation if it wasn’t for me.”

Your laughter bounced off the car windows, “Alastor, you met me getting choked to death by a strange man. People will always make dangerous situations for women to be in. Don’t act like you’re special.” A sly smile to ease his anxious heart. “I’d rather be in danger for you than just because I’m a woman. If it’s gonna happen anyway, might as well be worth something.”

His hand slipped onto your thigh, expression softening before his own smile grew again, “Don’t lie to my face so easily. I am very special, we can all agree.”

You looked around, the two of you alone in his car on a side street, “All? You know the trunk is still empty, right?”

“Oh, is that so? You’re quite dangerous yourself, I nearly forgot why we were here.” He patted his pockets to make sure he had what he needed. “When I give you a wave, back up to me, okay? Don’t leave the car. Just drive off if-,”

You kissed his cheek, “Shut it. Not a chance. Go give em hell, baby.”

Alastor crumpled against his steering wheel momentarily, your words cutting his heart open in a most wonderful way. He could never have predicted getting kisses before beginning his dark work. What had he done to deserve this? Perhaps proof someone in hell was in full support of his actions. Straightening his back and checking his hair and glasses in the mirror, he flashed you a smile before slipping out of the car.

When Alastor said he was ready to begin killing again, you were a mix of excited and scared. Excited for normalcy to return but scared of the dangers presented there in. You’d been dodging the blue eyed detective for a while already, and moving forward meant possibly making mistakes he could grab a hold of. Not mentioning the risk of someone hurting Alastor again…but for your part in everything, you and Alastor found a compromise.

A deal had been made. You’d stay in the car and bring it to him when he was done. He had asked you flee if something went wrong but you both knew that wasn’t going to happen. Crawling into the driver’s seat, you tried to remember what he had taught you. How to get it started up, how to make it go backwards. How to make it go, in general. You’d never driven a car. Well, not until Alastor insisted on teaching you. Driving up and down the long stretch of road he lived on, Alastor white knuckling the door handle as you jerked the car forward with every failed shift. You had started on his land, but he feared for his home's safety with you behind the wheel.

Your hands slipped down the steeling wheel, big and round. Your mother would’ve had a hoot had she seen you in the driver’s seat. Clearing your throat, you leaned into the back of the car and double checked the canvas was properly secured.

Another man tonight. The few times you’d both gone out for leisure, having preferred to spend time alone at home, Alastor had gotten gossip that piqued his interest.

You remembered the way the woman’s hand touched his arm when she leaned in. “You didn’t hear it from me but it’s best to avoid French Study on Thursdays. Real piece of work slipping something in drinks and robbing people.” He reported what she had said back to you. It’d panicked you, realizing you were closer to being on Alastor’s list than you’d realized.

“No, the issue isn’t the stealin’. It’s what he does with the people with,” he had been delicate as he said it, taking another long sip of whiskey, “other things of value. And the fact this man has no need to steal. It’s ridiculous! His family has been land ownin’ and well off for generations.” Alastor was always impassioned when discussing the things he hated, even when slipping into drunkenness. His accent came through when he had too much to drink, his real accent. The accent his mother had. “You robbed men for power balance, for their assumptions you were easy to manipulate to begin with. He? Uh, Him? He’s just a piece of shit. He thinks he’s better than everyone else. And no one would report him ‘cause his family name.”

His drink spilled a little, when you had offered to clean it he just slipped the button up off. He lost his usual classy air as the bottle emptied. Which you actually liked.

The benefits of drinking on his back porch was no need to worry about decorum. Music was softly spilling from the open window behind you, Alastor’s prized record cabinet spinning the newest presses.

“It’s like there’s a little bug under my skin,” he wiggled his fingers over his sternum, “It’s gonna dig into my bones if I don’t cut it out.”

Despite your own drunkenness, you nodded and followed along, “So, ya gonna kill ‘em?”

Alastor pouted, making you snort, “I don’t want to think about that right now.” He enunciated every word clearly in his practiced and professional voice.

You’d ended the evening playfully arguing the merits of prohibition on the jazz scene and watching Alastor dance around the wrap around porch. But the conversation hadn’t ended for him.

Little hints he was still focused on it popped up over the following week. Alastor randomly asking you how it felt to be drugged, did you wake up in pain? Embarrassed? Scared? You caught him staring at the greenhouse from the window one morning, lost in thought. Before he had finally said he wanted to go out again, you understanding what that meant, you’d seen him turning a dinner knife over and over in his hand impatiently.

And now here you were. In the car beside a park late Thursday, Alastor having done some scouting while you’d finished up early at the theater.

It took hours. Which was good, it meant Alastor wasn’t rushing. He liked the stalking aspect of killing, of watching someone from across a room knowing exactly how their night would end. And as that man whose name would soon be buried with him alternated smiling and barking orders at staff, Alastor felt his stomach flutter. Like watching a slab of meat slowly turn over the fire. The crueler he was, the worse he acted, the more Alastor found his fingers tapping on the bar with anticipation. Perfect. Damn yourself more. No fake smiles or double faces, no, people like him didn’t even try to play the game others were forced into. Born with money and land already theirs, they didn’t even know the rules.

But Alastor did. Alastor mastered them at the tender age of 14. When he realized his father’s features were a shield. His mother’s lessons on manners and charm his weapons. The first time he was in mixed company, when someone leaned in and whispered a cruel “prank” he had planned for a young dark skinned woman on the other side of the room, he understood. They pulled back and smiled at him, and he managed to muster one of his own. Just smile, they’d take it to mean whatever they wanted it to mean because they thought he was of the same mindset. They assumed it. Like so many other things people would assume about him as he grew.

When he told his mother the story after getting home, she shook her head. When he had asked her what he should have done, she set down her book.

“Well, I’d love to say you should have stood up for her. But I’d also like to have my son above ground.”

He asked her why she couldn’t have both.

“Sweetheart, we don’t usually get the choice to do either, let alone both.”

He offered a solution, after a moment of thinking, “I shoulda buried him first then.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if that was how the world worked?” She returned to her book, “If God just struck em down dead as soon as they hurt people. Better yet, before.”

It would be nice. It was nice. Because Alastor couldn’t wait for God to make the world his mother mentioned. He grinned ear to ear, gloves a second skin, as the man crawled backwards in the grass like an animal cornered. His heart was pounding in his ears. Where to cut first? The gut, his family fat and soft from the money they made off the labor of others? The pale neck of a man who never spent a day outside, instead indoors drugging strangers for sport? The chest covered in a fine cotton shirt he didn’t appreciate?

He wished he had many arms, as many as he could imagine, to slash and tear in tandem.

“What do you want? Money?” the animal asked him.

Alastor shook his head no. No, he didn’t want money.

“Do you know who I am?”

Alastor nodded. “That is precisely why I am here.”

Would he beg? Cry? Bargain? Experience told him it’d be the latter.

“Alright well, if you know who I am you know you’re making a mistake. Here.” The man opened his wallet and pulled out a few greenbacks, holding them out for Alastor. Alastor’s smile softened slightly, remembering tossing you a wallet once before.

He reached down with his left hand to take the money, but instead grabbed the man’s wrist. Swiftly, quicker than the man could process, he took the knife tucked into his belt behind his vest and stabbed the man in the stomach.

Staring into his eyes, he could see his own image looking back at him. Smiling.

Alastor grabbed your face with both wrists, hands bloody and one still holding the knife, and kissed you when he’d flagged you down.

“Is this for bringing the car around without running you over?” Your eyes glanced at the knife beside your head. He apologized, tossing it into the trunk.

“No, just happy to see you.” A mischievous grin that made your knees weak, his body shimmied closer until he was pressed against you, stealing another kiss. His arms stretched out to keep from bloodying you. Your fingers slid up his cheeks to return the kiss. “Thank you, dear.”

When you returned home, to his home, that is, you took to task bringing in the laundry he’d left on the line and putting away the things still on the counters from breakfast. You couldn’t resist going to the second floor room and looking down into the greenhouse. You couldn’t see perfectly well, but you could see nonetheless. Alastor didn’t want you in the greenhouse yet when he was working. He said it was the ugliest parts, the kind that would sure give you nightmares or rob you of your appetite.

Considerate. But, it only made you more curious. Would you be sick if you saw? Would you never eat meat again?

What would you do if you didn’t have any reaction at all?

You watched Alastor leave the greenhouse and lock the door behind him, so you hopped down the stairs to meet him in the hall beside the kitchen.

He’d been sweating, shirt open to reveal a thin white undershirt, and under his arm was a canvas roll. He lifted it up, “Tools. Rinsed them off but I’d like to dry them under the electric lights.” You grabbed the aprons from the wall hooks, Alastor letting you slip it over his head and tie it for him. “Why so tight?”

“I like the way it makes your waist look.” You’d seen him wear it when making biscuits. It made his shape so clear. It reminded you of watching water drip down his sides and roll off his hips in the shower.

He beamed, “I’m listening. What exactly do you like about my waist?” Sharp brows raised as that friendly tongue peeked out at you.

“Hush.” You cooed.

You stood on the long side of the table, him at the short, and took turns wiping the tools dry and checking the other’s work.

As he grabbed each one he would tell you what he used it for. Holding up the garden shears and explaining the point along the blade that had the strongest force. The advantage of curved pruning blades when used on a human body. His eyes were gleaming as he spoke, looking so lovingly at each item like it was a loyal pet.

He finally noticed you were grinning and chuckling softly, so he dropped his smile for dramatic effect, “What? What’s so funny?”

Shaking your head, you set down the next item for him to inspect, “Nothing. You’re just so cute when you’re talking about your passions. Your face lights up from the inside out.”

His breath hitched, smile actually lost as he processed every syllable. Your turn now to notice him staring as you looked up from your work. You recognized that look though, the wide eyes and serious lips. The air of the kitchen felt like the atmosphere before a thunderstorm rolled in.

Alastor set the tools back onto the canvas one by one and carried them to the counter. Before returning he picked up a small knife and set it near the edge of the table.

“Come here.” He nodded his head to space in front of him. The way he said it, that tone, made your heart begin to skip beats.

You slid between him and the table, Alastor lifting you up with a startling ease and setting you onto cool wood. Kicking your legs a little, you set nervous hands onto your lap. You wanted to touch him. To pull him by the apron straps into you.

“How do you always say the right things?” He closed the distance between you, one hand on your neck while his mouth came to your ear. “The things I didn’t know I wanted to hear?”

Swimming. Your mind was swimming. “Why is your idea of right the same as my idea of the truth?” You could feel the grin. Sighing into your ear, down your neck, his hands grabbed your hips and pulled you off the table enough to press your core into his clothed erection. Even through his pants and the apron, you could feel him clearly. When did he get so hard? You always wondered in those moments if it was the topic of discussion. Or the knives. Or your need. Biting your lip wasn’t a thought out action, but Alastor loved to see it. Rolling his hips into you in response.

“Wanna go upstairs?” you asked.

He shook his head, slipping off his glasses.

“Oh no, don’t even wanna see me?” You teased, but firm hands held you tighter to him in response.

“I won’t be letting you get far enough away from me for that to be a problem.”

When he leaned down and his lips so very gently pressed into yours, you could feel it. That missing something from before. It was in the air, it was rolling off of his body and dampening your senses. A desire, a drive that you felt that first time you had sex with him in that apartment above the theater. A motivation that was lacking last time in his bed.

His eyes were staring down into yours, waiting for your response. Eagerly you replied by chasing his mouth with yours. A chain of kisses as you tried to ever remember enjoying kissing another person as much as him.

Not a single soul. Why did it feel like this was all you ever needed? Eyes closed and lips on lips, hands in his hair, it felt like you’d been holding your breath all of your life. His body on yours was a gasp of air.

For Alastor, he couldn’t even think of breathing when around you. Let alone when your mouth was on him. Every time you touched him all he could think about was the word ‘affection’.

So when your tongue swiped up his lips, he moaned as he opened for you. Not because he was new to kissing someone with so much lust. He’d grown accustomed to the things you did to him. No, because you were a fever that had taken hold of him and your kiss the medicine that soothed his delirium.

He wondered, was that why people called it ‘love sick’?

“You really like me, don’t you?” He asked, nose sliding up your jaw.

An opportunity presented to you. A chance to spill over the edges.

You pushed it away, legs wrapping around his waist and pulling him closer.

“Something like that, yeah.”

His hands pressed flat against the table to balance the deep roll of his hips against you. One of your own fell behind you to keep from falling backwards, the other flung over his shoulder. When you moaned into his cheek he captured the sound with his mouth and slipped his tongue back into you.

You liked him. He’d known people to love and not like their partner an ounce, but the way you appreciated his quirks made his heart sing in its brittle cage. You never ceased to see him. The issue with always putting on a show is people tend to be disappointed when the actors become human again. But you never met his persona. He was knife wielding, bloodlusting Alastor from the first word. So when he was himself, you recognized him clearly. Because he was all you ever knew.

And you liked him

You appreciated him.

He dared to think maybe he could inspire more from you. A thought that made him twitch below the belt.

Closer. He needed you closer. He needed you so near to him that he’d never forget the feeling of being wanted. It’d be imprinted on his chest and his arms and his lips.

Impatient hands slipping up your sides, along your neck, down your chest. His greedy mouth suddenly understanding the same greed he once marveled at in your own kisses. Hot tongue sliding over yours, delving deeper into you with every return.

When his hands seemed to come to an agreement, they yanked you forward again. You’d fall off ass-first if he pulled you any further.

You watched with only slight horror has he grabbed the small knife and hiked up your dress in tandem. A gulp, worried the other shoe had finally dropped on a too-good situation.

“Are you particularly attached to these panties?” His eyes were looking up and over his glasses.

“No?” Did you really need panties, you wondered. Ever? Girdles we’re falling out of fashion perhaps you’d all be naked again soon enough. Maybe you two could start another Eden. A pomegranate’s juice the new red staining his skin.

Not even a tremble, his hands lifted each side and sliced them free.

“Oh?” You didn’t have a real question in mind when he tucked the panties into his back pocket. Just a need to express you saw it and didn’t understand it.

Alastor took your hand and pressed it against his hardened length, eyes locked onto yours with a sharpness to them. But when your hand took hold of him and squeezed, everything softened in his features. Funny how where one area grew stiff another melted.

He rolled his eyes closed as you finally undid his belt and pants. A struggle you didn’t see, Alastor trying to keep from pouncing on you like a horny virgin. He didn’t want to rut into you, he didn’t need the pleasure. He needed something he couldn’t see or explain. He just knew you held it behind your teeth.

When your skin pressed into his and you both moaned together he was sure you were the same. One person, split into insufficient parts. Finally lined up flush in place.

When you circled your hips against his aching cock, he wondered what you were chasing after. Was it the pleasure? He’d give it to you in spades.

He was on his knees with his face between your legs before you could close your thighs in surprise.

You needed both hands now to keep from falling back onto the table. “Alastor,” a whine.

He knew better than to talk with his mouth full, so he let two fingers work their way into you with shallow thrusts. Easing you open for him.

“Yes?” His eyes didn’t leave his fingers, glistening under the kitchen light. You hadn't thought much ahead past his name, once his fingers were in you and curling up to find your spongy and soft bundle of nerves your mind had gone empty.

“We can just fuck, if you’re horny.” You watched him watching himself.

“Where’s the fun in that?” His mouth returned to your mound, broad tongue forming a point and finding your clit.

A lazy moving tongue would be frustrating if not for his fingers punishing your g-spot. Consistency was key, and his hand was focused and skilled.

Suddenly you remembered the piano in the sitting room. That’s where you knew that movement from. That clearly practiced muscle memory.

Alastor felt confident everywhere but rarely did he feel comfortable. When your thighs came together and squeezed him at the ears, he felt positively cozy. Would you be so kind as to be his ear muffs come winter? He’d have to remember to ask when his mouth was free. How many cold nights he could now rest assured he would have warmth just a little dive of his head away.

Lowering his mouth, nose buried in your muff, he wriggled his tongue in with his fingers. Not enough, rarely was anything enough any more. He stilled his hand and prodded at your sensitive walls with that intrusive tongue, relishing the little movements you made in response. Taking his digits out entirely, he buried his wet muscle as deeply as he could reach.

The huffs of exhales you were making triggered a moan from him that you felt through your skin. His enjoyment was tripling your pleasure.

Goosebumps ran up your arms at the combine sensations of his moaning and prodding.

When his lips and tongue returned to their uneven teasing of your clit, three fingers now swiping past your inner spot with every thrust, your hands came to his head. Fingers slipping through his hair and gripping every time your body shook. Encouragement, the more you tugged the surer he was he was doing the right things.

And oh, he was. You said the right things but Alastor always seemed to act on them. Your senses lodged themselves between the even stroking of your g-spot and the unpredictable movements of his tongue. One kept the pressure rising as your orgasm climbed, the other pushed you along jolt by jolt.

Curious thing. That night in the park he didn’t have much reaction to your enjoyment, but he found himself not fully softening in his lap as he continued. Normally, unless still physically stimulated or the rare time you stirred something in him, he wasn’t very… battle ready.

But the feeling of you pulling him in by the head, fingers in his hair and thighs at his cheeks; this was different than the others. He was sure now it wasn’t just physical pleasure you wanted. His pride said it was more.

Dozens of times before— he truly was a rake in some aspects, though admittedly it was all in the pursuit of avoiding “sex”, as defined by most, not chasing it — he helped a date find release with his tongue. But it never did anything for him. They moaned and said his name and screamed. Which was lovely. Who doesn’t enjoy recognition?

When you said his name, it was heavier. It was material, it had mass and as its gravity began its pull he found his mind circling that sound. He was pleasing his darling, not placating. And it made him react in that unusually crass way.

He felt like an apex predator when killing, tearing open animals made for him to hunt. But you made him feel baser. Prey in your gentle bite.

As your orgasm mounted, you began tugging at his hair to pull him off. You didn’t need him to stop, but everything was suddenly too sensitive. It was alarming to feel your body rocking from overstimulation. A strident cry filled the kitchen as your back arched off the table. He didn’t let up, despite how much you thrashed under his mouth. Rolling pleasure, muscles electrified and shaking beyond your control.

You patted his head harshly, “Good, I’m good. Alas—tor! Fuck!”

Ah, he loved when you swore. It punctuated your otherwise preternatural aura with a touch of humanity.

He stood and leaned over your now reclining body. Your pussy still clenching and legs shaking as he admired his work. You admired his shape in his apron, his broad shoulders and sharp eyes. Caught between your legs like a lion in a mouse trap; he acted like he had no way free of you. His grin widened and he made a display out of licking each finger clean. Eyes never leaving yours.

You knew many men to squawk at going down on a woman. To balk at wearing an apron. To grimace at the suggestion of cooking a meal while their lady took a nice bath or enjoyed a coffee. Alastor seemed to not think twice about any of it. How nice it would be. To have a partner beside you, to not be the woman in the often referenced “behind every great man is a great woman.”

“Alastor, I want you.” You pulled him down by the neck and stole a kiss. When he began to stroke himself fully back to life you pressed that hand to his chest. “Not like that. Though I’m not declining the offer.”

His eyes saw something in yours. “Sweetheart, you have me. There is no part of me that isn’t possessed by you. I know we keep things relatively… tightlipped for safety but I’m your fella and you’re my gal.” His nose touched yours. “But if you want more, I’ll become more. I’ll break myself apart and make myself better.”

Your heart sank. Sitting up to command a little authority, a feat given you were sitting panty-less on a kitchen table, “Don’t you dare. I’ll always meet you where you are, got it? Don’t go… groping around in the darkness for me; trying to find what I need. I’ll always come to you. Because you’re more than enough as you are.”

A little cough to clear his tightening throat, “I’ve not had a day of darkness since you arrived.” A kiss to your forehead before a soft thumbpad wiped at the corner of your eye. “Did I make you sad?”

You wanted to say it. But not now, not like this. You didn’t want Alastor to connect love and sex. To think one was necessary for the other.

While you were coming to learn how lovely it was to pair the two together, it was a fact they were wholly independent things. And you couldn’t allow him to think they were a set.

“You’ve made me too happy. It’s absolutely terrifying.”

But Alastor had found your expressions of acceptance always tumbled the circle of Love to overlap with that of Sex. It was only in that mixed space did he find desire in pleasure.

A wicked smirk, “Let me pile on my affections and drown out your fears.” His hips rolled into you again, a surprising eagerness returned to his lap. “Can I continue?”

With a nod and a smile, “But not another word of change, buster.” You leaned back on your hand for support. Alastor was happy to return to your heat, lining up and sinking into you. An embrace like no other, one he found particularly earnest when with you.

Close. Finally. You began where he ended, a natural extension of who he was and who he could be. The things he could have. A relieved sigh he didn’t try to hide before he began moving, a moment when his tension could melt. You were both an unseasonably warm autumn day and the cool comforting shade of an unfamiliar tree. Both the heat and the relief.

He watched your body rock against the table, even fully dressed you managed to look more scandalous than any show he’d seen downtown. He was grateful he didn’t seek this comfort often in others, the way his mind melted made him feel vulnerable. He couldn’t think straight. And then you began to make those lovely little groans, high pitched and needy, and he was sure his soul was errant.

As his thrusts deepened, cock no longer kissing your cervix but ramming into you with good intentions, you dropped back as you lost the battle against his hips.

Alastor’s arms slid up our waist and pulled your arms towards him, “Too far, I can’t see your face.”

Your arms were slung over his shoulders as your back curved for him, “You don’t need to see my face.”

“Tsk, wrong.”

Your new favorite place was right in front of him, wherever his line of sight was you wanted to be in it. Nose to nose, heads tilting to recapture soft lips and softer moans.

Until the softness left, Alastor’s skin slapping against yours as he dragged those lovely sounds from you. He watched your eyes roll closed, mouth open as you moaned with the safety of the seclusion of a country home. A thought bubbled up, inspired by you.

“I want the neighbors to hear you.” That smile half cocked across his upsettingly handsome face. His hand slipped between you both to repeat the motions he learned before. Hard and fast, no choice but to raise your voice.

Your head fell back, clit still sensitive, “You don’t have neighbors!” A new moan hitting the walls.

“I do— just a few miles down the road, dear.” His mouth latched onto your neck but he didn’t suck like he wanted, he couldn’t bite. Your skin was your job, your body not his to mark. Suddenly he remembered, “Do you still have that make up? For your bruises?”

You couldn’t understand why he would bring that up while balls deep in you but you nodded.

“Would it work on your neck?” He nipped lightly.

It clicked, “Absolutely.”

You felt like a teenager again. When his tongue swiped over your soft flesh before he began to suck on the skin there you could feel the heat rising off your chest. You could feel him everywhere, and with the knowledge he wanted to hear you, you tossed your shame out of the kitchen window and relaxed into the pleasure.

As he moved up your neck he left little marks behind. There was no sense left you didn’t occupy. He could smell the soap and sweat of your skin, taste your cunt still on his tongue, your sights and sounds a decadence he couldn’t get used to. And the feeling of you… velvety walls, a feeling finer than silk as he slipped in and out of you. So incredibly hot on his most sensitive areas, pulling him back in with admirable strength.

He felt his orgasm ratcheting up but tried to hold back. He wanted more time to experience your ecstasy, to wallow in your openness. Even pressed skin to skin now wouldn’t satisfy that deep desire for this unique level of intimacy. So he wanted to enjoy it for as long as he had it.

But, he knew he should prepare. “I don’t want to dirty your dress.” A lust heavy voice penetrating the nap of your neck. He’d made a risky release before at your urging, something he often thought about when work got quiet. But he knew he needed to think clearer now.

“Then don’t.” A terrible reply but you wanted all of him, every drop of his hunger for you. “Keep the mess in me.”

“My dear,” he slowed his hips, autopilot keeping them moving at all, “I don’t think now is the time for,” you tightened around him to trip him up, which worked spectacularly. Alastor had take several seconds before continuing, “talks on family planning.”

A pang of nausea and fear, small and sharp in your abdomen. It wasn’t that you weren’t aware of biology, just that Alastor brought out your baser animal instincts, too. And before, when he came buried as deeply as he could reach, it felt like you’d actually completed some ritual. Bears hibernated, birds migrated, Alastor came in you.

You’d never let a man do that before Alastor. “I just want to… accept everything you are willing to give me.”

He bit his bottom lip to redirect some attention away from his now throbbing member, “And when you’re sure on me, I’ll always provide.”

A pout that he kissed, you accepted the terms. An argument could be made you were already very sure, but you were well aware how naive that sounded when you’d known each other for so little time. Had a coworker told you she’d met a guy and within three months was ready for… the consequences, you’d have laughed and asked if she was drunk or just stupid.

Alastor wanted to provide. But he knew you’d be the one with the raw end of the deal, he couldn’t risk coercing a decision in the heat of the moment. If your mind was half was addled as his with pleasure then you were in no state for big decisions.

Life changing decisions.

Decisions that filled empty homes.

Fuck, why wasn’t he a less considerate man?

When his kiss deepened, so did his ministrations. He was fully sheathed and so unwilling to draw back more than a couple inches you wondered if he had changed his mind. It felt like a man not wanting to stray too far from home. One hand on the small of your back, his other other on the back of your neck. When he pulled out he pressed his tongue further, only stopping the kiss when he came onto the little space of table between your thighs. Soft and swollen lips parted as his breaths ran ragged. A smile spread across your face as you watched his eyes open, witnessing a pleasured blow out of his pupils.

When he grabbed a kitchen towel and cleaned the table, you chuckled at his grimace. “See? My way is cleaner.”

He didn’t reply at first, taking the cloth and hovering over the sink before tossing it into his trash. “Only in the short term. We can finish up tomorrow with the tools?”

Your legs kicked again, not ready to slide off, “Mm, it’ll be easier in the daylight.”

“Instead,” he zipped his pants but removed the belt and set it on the counter, “Let’s get zozzled* and sway around the sitting room? Crash where we land.” (*drunk)

“I’ll pour if you get the music on.”

He turned to leave but paused, “No, I’ll handle the drinks. You always have too heavy of a hand.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining last time…”

“I’m not sure I remembered I was at home and not at a drum* last time…,” He uncorked the label-less whiskey, grabbing two glasses with one hand. “Didn’t wanna insult the pretty waitress.” (*speakeasy)

Fair. You weren’t much for drinking and always underestimated the strength of illegal hooch. Some were weak and some could kill you. But fancy Alastor had connections with the kind of people no one dared to risk harm to, so he always had the most trustworthy goods.

Good music, great whiskey, and even better company. You thanked him for being safe while working, he praised your ability to learn new skills so quickly. After a few drinks he pushed the coffee table against the wall and you drunkenly swayed around the room to something playing smooth and low. As much as you enjoyed your conversations, having your head tucked under his chin as neither of you said a word somehow filled in the little cracks of your heart more so than any talk. For him too. No tension after sex, no stress of how long he’d get to breathe before the next instance of prodding to do it again. He could smile and close his eyes and feel the room swing and sway in total safety.

A safety neither of you knew was being threatened from afar.

When you woke, Alastor was gone. A note on the table letting you know he’d run out to grab some things for breakfast. Telling you to relax and recover.

You put the furniture back, bringing the glasses to the kitchen and his belt to the bedroom.

Coffee and a slow perusal of his home. Intimate details you tried to not stare at when he was there. The rare photo of his mother, a woman you didn’t speak about, a conversation you didn’t need to have, but someone you knew existed fondly still in his life. A silent thank you to her.

No photos of a man to give thanks to you so you turned to the little curios and mementos. 

Little seashells and sand dollars, a small gator’s skull. Books, about anatomy and history. Novels about crime and love and mystery. Ticket stubs for films he’d seen. Little bits of his mother scattered in. A woman’s necklace. A chatelaine* with all of the accessories and tools. (*wikipedia page)

When you felt you’d spied enough, you crawled into his side of the bed and inhaled as deeply as you could. His pillow smelled like him. You let yourself sleep off the hangover surrounded by pieces of Alastor.

Pieces you couldn’t contain. Pieces left around town as a dick* hunted for his personal monster. (*a detective, but also, a dick, fuck this dude?)

Beth, or Betty as you called her, the friend you often sang for, was cleaning up from the previous night when Brady walked in. She tried to tell him they were closed, but he took a seat at the counter anyway.

“I’m looking for a singer named Autumn. She been around lately?”

She paused, knowing the name was tied to your work. This man didn’t know you. “Whose asking?”

“The city of New Orleans”, he set his badge on the counter top.

“Is she in some kinda trouble?”

“She the kinda dame to get into trouble?”

Beth laughed, “She doesn’t try to but men, liquor, and jazz tend to make it happen. She’s okay, right?”

He took a deep sigh, trying to blink away the exhaustion and remember he needed to be someone strangers trusted. Being honest hadn’t been working and being rough barely got him a lead. “Well I was hoping you’d know. Found out someone roughed her up a bit ago and just wanting to make sure she’s okay. But I don’t have her legal name, no address, nothing to track her down.”

Shaking her head, she leaned onto the counter, “What? Some egg* forget it’s just a show?” Brady shrugged. “I can’t say. She hasn’t been by in a couple weeks.” (*man)

He asked why. Feeling the deadend approaching.

“She was just doing me a favor. Once she got a guy she didn’t have much time.”

Fighting the urge to slam his fists against the wood and sling his notebook across the bar, Brady took slow breaths. Jaw clenched as he grabbed his pencil, “That is wonderful news. Hopefully a fit guy who can… keep her safe.”

Beth laughed a little, “I don’t know about that. He’s kind of a daisy*, but real kind.” (*a non-masculine man)

“Could I get a name? Or her address? Wanna follow up. See for myself that she’s doing well.”

She tapped the bar with two fingers and winked, “Ah no can do. Flatfoot* or not, I don’t tell men where to find sleeping ladies. But her fella is in radio though. I recognized his voice right away. Popular too, really ritzy air about him.” (*cop, detective)

As he left, he slapped the notebook against his palm over and over. When he stopped to take a second to congratulate himself something caught his eye. Across the street was a park he knew well. Following the block and turning, he could see the white and green awning of the cafe he’d seen you at before.

Had he been there? He hadn’t questioned why you were alone on such a nice day. But maybe you weren’t. Maybe you’d been playing him from the start.

Enough games.

When you took the stage that evening, a Friday show with a promising crowd, you felt like solid gold. Alastor would be there to pick you up in a few hours, you had every need met. And now you had the adoration of strangers to pump up your chest.

Until you passed your come-hither eyes over the crowd and a striking ocean blue pair knocked the wind out of you.

James was standing behind Brady, mouthing an apology. You missed a beat in your routine but forced your smile back. It took a second, to slide back into the actress you were when away from Alastor. Every time it got harder and harder to fall back into that role but you managed. His eyes never left your face, and you thanked God your heaving chest could be seen as fatigue and not the sheer panic that had taken ahold of your body.

When you were on the other side of the curtain you considered rushing out the side door, into the alley and down the street. But you couldn’t. You’d successfully brushed him off for so long but now that he had seen you, had made it clear he was there for you, you couldn’t flee. Innocent people don’t hide from cops.

Feet dragging, you saw some of the dancers standing around the dressing room door. “He’s out of his gourd if he thinks I’m changing with him in there.” One said loud enough to ensure Brady heard. When you entered the room he was sitting at your make up table, legs spread and your shoes in his hands.

“There she is!” standing, he extended the shoes to you, “Don’t stare like a deer in the lights. I’m sure you knew I was coming. Slip these on, we’re going for a ride.” He gave them a shake, “You can call your mac* from the station and let him know you’ll be late.” (*man)

˖  ݁𖥔.Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult.𖥔 ݁ ˖

@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei ,  @moonmark98 , @hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain , @harley2223-blog  , @poinappel l , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima a , @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby , @dontfuckbutimfab , @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12 , @star-kujo-platinum @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @rubyninja1 , @simphornies

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[khryptid]

I feel like the hot take I had while brushing my teeth is gonna get some hate but,,,

I’m not the biggest fan of Ryan Reynolds Deadpool. He’s not bad, he’s got the crass innuendos and the quippy comebacks down pat, but he doesn’t come off as kind to me.

And I know you’re prolly thinking, “He’s Deadpool. He’s not meant to be kind; he’s meant to kick ass and take names.”

But that’s the thing, for all the nonsensical violence, Deadpool has a moral code. And it may not be the strictest, but it’s there. From Reynolds’ Deadpool’s uncaring prison interactions with Rusty to his giddy enjoyment of making his friends/acquaintances uncomfortable when he’s regrowing his bottom half (and tricking Blind Al into touching him there🤮), it all feels like I’m watching a 1-dimensional caricature where the crudity was preserved at the sake of the compassion.

Reynolds’s Deadpool does not give me the vibe that he could step away from the crude humor to have a serious moment. Like I can’t imagine him helping a lost and crying kid to calm down and then find their parent. Even now, I’m working through possible scenarios in my head and they all devolve into “oh ice cream would make you feel better (insert innuendo about banana splits) or “maybe if you can’t keep track of your kid you shouldn’t be a parent (cue trauma flashback only for the next scene to show the kid (now orphan) covered in blood and viscera). 

Or, he would keep pushing a joke to make someone uncomfortable. And I get sometimes it’s for the sake of pushing the boundaries of bigotry which is funny and should totally be done (Deadpool morals - it’s acceptable and expected to make rude/hateful people get a taste of their own medicine) but I don’t feel he could back off when it comes to other people. In fact, I think he’d become even more persistent. Like imagine he’s hanging with the X-men and one of them asks him to stop it with the crude jokes because it makes them uncomfortable (for any number of reasons - ace (sex repulsed or other), trauma, or it just makes them uncomfortable -they shouldn’t be required to provide a reason) and instead of backing off, he ramps it up. “Are you sure you don’t want to do a weapons check before I visit the mansion because my pistol is always loaded.”

Maybe I’m wrong, it’s hard to introduce and grow a character with a full range of nuance in 2 movies, and the only Deadpool comic I’ve read is the Spiderman crossover, but still, my perception of Deadpool is that he’s more than just crude and violent, he can step away from what’s expected of him to be compassionate, to be genuinely kind.

[lyraminerva]

This is a scene I wrote out years ago for a fic and just rediscovered. I’m turning it into a oneshot but this is what I found:

They’re hanging out in the UA dorms, Todoroki isn’t there because he’s visiting his mom. Todoroki has been really protective of Midoriya lately so the squads saw this as the perfect opportunity to see why the class cinnamon roll has been more cinnamon and less roll as of late.

Uraraka: What’s wrong Deku, you’ve been a bit irritable lately? Did something happen?

Izuku: No! I’m perfectly fine! Everything is fine! Ok?!

Kaminari: I think you just proved her point there man.

Kirishima: yeah, what’s up with you lately midobro?

Deku: I said it’s fine, can’t you just drop it already?

Iida: Midoriya, we’re worried about you and your well-being. If something is bothering you, you should tell us. We might be able to help.

Deku: Trust me, you won’t. This isn’t something that can just be fixed.

Shinso: So you admit there’s something wrong?

Deku: Wow you really aren’t going to let this go are you? Fine, you caught me, I’m mad at all might. There! Happy now?

Bakugou: What?Why! He’s been your idol since you were 2!

Deku: You know what? *inhaling sharply then releasing with a frustrated sigh, mumbling the rest of his response * Nevermind, it’s nothing. I’m just being petty over something that’s none of my business to begin with.

Tsu: If it’s bothering you then it’s not nothing, Midoriya. You know you can tell us anything right? We won’t judge. *kero*

Sero: yeah man! If it’s making you this mad it’s clearly not “nothing”

Deku: You really want to know what happened?! Fine! All Might’s fucking my Mom! He’s dating my fucking Mom! *Midoriya starts to dissolve into a fit of angry tears*

Everyone: trying not to laugh

Todoroki comes back from his weekly meeting with his mom to find deku bawling in the living room with a pissed looking Iida scolding Kaminari and Sero for breaking. Uraraka and Tsu are trying their best to comfort deku while Mina is busy choking on her water after doing the spit take to end all spit takes. Kirishima is busy trying to keep Bakugou from killing All Might. Katsuki is screaming “THAT BASTARD!ILL KILL HIM! HES GONNA PAY FOR WHAT HES DONE!HES DEAD,HEAR ME?DEAD!” Then devolving into growls and screams. Todoroki isn’t one to show a lot of emotion but he’s pissed.

Once everything has calmed down…

With the baku squad without Bakugou.

Jirou: does anyone know why Midoriya is so on edge lately? He snapped his pencil earlier today when All Might came in for heroics…

Kaminari: Oh, yeah. It’s because All might us Detroit smashing his Mom.

Kirishima and Sero both die of laughter. Jirou looks at Kaminari disgusted, which, fair enough, who would actually want to know about their teacher’s sex life.

Kirishima pulls himself together: not cool bro, you can’t just say stuff like that

Kaminari: But it’s true!

Sero: yeah, I mean, he told us himself.

Kirishima: still, it’s not our place to joke about it

Kaminari: maybe not, but that doesn’t change the fact that All Might is Full Cowling Fucking Mido’s Mom.

Jirou laughs at that one.

Jirou: shut up *can’t stop laughing*

[nicflurrymachinebroke]

BETWEEN WORLDS

Dirty, nasty, day-drinking, pill-stealing, stimulant-chewing greasy dirty scumbag trucker Cage flipflopping between unkempt graying organic trucker beard & perfectly lined up, manicured Nicolas Cage Just For Men™️ Hollywood beard BACK & FORTH IN THE SAME SCENE EVEN (did y'all have to do reshoots the week of Cannes or something??? Is this man's schedule REALLY that packed?????) while being TORMENTED (TORTURED!!! AGONIOUS TORTURE!!!) by the specter of his dead wife (+ child), the ghost of whom has taken up residence in the barely-legal body of the-woman-he-"saved"-from-being-strangled-in-the-opening-(who-he's-now-shacking-up-with)'s daughter. Who was in a coma after a motorcycle accident! Which is why her mom was getting strangled in a truck stop bathroom in the first place! BUT THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.

I would suck the tattoos clean off that man. Clean him off like a WHITEBOARD.

He's fucking the mom, he's fucking the daughter (who's actually his dead wife!), he's smoking pot & sleeping on their couch & trying to have his cake + eat it too & pilfering prescription medication & being unkempt & middle-aged & scumbag-destructive in a way that's so realistic (and over-the-top, yes; it's Nicolas Cage) I was just in awe of it. Everything about this movie is just so real (the set dressing, hair/makeup IGNORE THE BEARD, character design/wardrobe [his especially; aside from one ABSOLUTELY TRAGIC low-budget iron-on tshirt {WITH A GATOR ON IT!!! which fits the character if even if the execution screams Temu} his clothes all make sense for the person his character wants to present himself as--hyperrealistic Midlife Crisis edgy rocker guy-core, take it from someone with an unfortunate history of being down bad for guys like that--& they're lived-in in a way that makes me wonder if he brought a lot of his own wardrobe a la Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski], dialogue, even the lighting) (PARTICULARLY the lighting) it outshines the goofiness of the premise. Yeah, it obviously still has Hollywood stink on it (what I would not give to have his old teeth back 😔) but so much of the heart is so raw & earnest I almost don't even want to tell anyone about this movie lest they somehow take it from me by watching it but also at the same time I want to tell the whole world cuz it's such a triumph. It occupies that perfect space between improbability/fantasy & reality most of my fics do, so I am absolutely RABID about it (cuz fic writers are nothing if not getting high on our own supply). It genuinely has some of the most realistic sex scenes I've ever seen in a film (MAYBE I'M JUST WATCHING THE WRONG MOVIES?? IDK, LMAO) & they're so visceral it borders on hard to watch, because of how voyeuristic it is. Idk. Maybe other people wouldn't have that view on it if they've never hooked up with a paunchy middle-aged alcoholic with a wallet chain & a blue-collar job he sucks at on a couch in a house that's both too small & too big at the same time---IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY ON A WEEKDAY NO LESS---but if they do I don't want to know them.

Then much like Lost Boys 2: The Tribe (another one of my Top 10 of all time), the last 30-ish minutes of this movie devolve into an Easter Egg hunt for diehard Cageiacs: his jackets, his shoes, reading his IRL poetry book/memoir thing while doing the nasty; culminating in a ~peak Cage Rage~ meltdown when it all goes off the rails where he's having a full-fledged menty b talking to the air (while everyone else has a Mexican standoff directly over his head) & crawling around on the floor in leather pants--sobbing--clutching a jack-in-the-box before he self-immolates, like. Literally self-immolates, I'm not even being metaphoric. He's also self-immolating (Cage Style™️) but no, the lighting himself on fire with the power of bad CGI (while he stands there Emoting; looking appropriately Tortured not because he's on fire but because he's a man that's so full of feelings) definitely happens. It is, in a word, a perfect film. He chokes the mom in a hospital stairwell! It is so deeply erotic I was squirming!! THE WHOLE MOVIE IS SO HORNED UP & FOR WHAT REASON. I don't know, I don't care, I adore it. HE GETS HOSED DOWN WITH A GARDEN HOSE WET TSHIRT STYLE BY THE-DAUGHTER-WHO-HIS-DEAD-WIFE'S-POSSESSING!!! IN SLOW-MO!!!!! WHILE MARILYN MANSON'S COVER OF "I PUT A SPELL ON YOU" (THE FIRST NON-AMBIENT MUSIC IN THE MOVIE!!!!! 2/3 OF THE WAY IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) PLAYS AT JET TAKEOFF VOLUMES.

I don't know who made this movie, but they are a genius & for as allegedly tired of playing scumbags as Nicolas Cage is, he looks like he's having the time of his life cutting loose.

It's a window into another world---one where anyone could have a crack at this deeply broken man who's still sparking with raw magnetism & amphetamine-dipped in line cook rizz & basically alternating between hanging himself & humping the furniture, waiting for ANYONE to come along & say "I could fix him"---and it is perfect.

Top 10 of all time, because my taste is bad & I know it. Top 5 Cages for sure. God bless him.

BUDDY YOU WANTED SEX SCENES?? WE GOT SEX SCENES!!

[only-lonely-lovers]

08.05.2022

tags: intercrural, rough sex

notes: there's a bit of a silly prelude, then devolves into a more severe AmaTsuka scene. this is PART 1, the rest continues in PART 2.

Bird is あ / Avvy is つ

つ：my little background visual in my brain is. amane fucking tsukasa's thighs. i wasn't even trying to… imagine this. i was just incidentally mentioning it as a concept while trying to make my point earlier…. but since then its been like. oh… wait…. i… didn't think about this…. yet…..

あ：……… the. how serendipitous. this is literally where i've been at today What positions………

つ：falling asleep I'm like ah….. [envisions it]…… hmmnrnr tsukasa on his back w legs up…. playfully. escalating to sortof pushing knees to his chest and fucking downwards…..

あ：what the hell literally this is the same as my mental image… I doodled tsukasa in kimono only the other day and i was like mrahhg………..

つ：starting with the distance of legs up…. sortof kept at bay… held by, calf, or ankle, or something… maybe a hand lower to stabilize. but eventually wanting to rut harder… and if its against his chest, cock can also contact like, stomach area… as well it would then mean he will come right against his kimono front…. which is such a visual. only when tsukasa unfolds like a chair will it be like…. ah came all over, his stomach+thighs. arugurghg

well. I'm glad I cursed us both. in my attempting to vent about things. I remembered thigh fuck exists.

あ：[my brain steaming like fish since remembering it as an option]

つ：its a good way to feel like…. someone is just being used.

あ：I still be thinking about this drawing

It's one of those. like. urghhhh. I'm thinking about ittttt

つ：temptressssssss you create a situation where nene and tsukasa could both be on back legs up thighs exposed to torment amane💢

あ：make a guy SO angry like ough. fuhrhgjkflds dh!! F!!!!!!!!!!

つ：tsukasa is like hey nene do this with me watch like this

あ：this will be fun. tehe ❤️

つ：amane: ohhhh i'm so mad. about you tsukasa… i'm going to fuck my girlfriend and NOT you so i wont be so mad i'll just-- i'll just come so much from her, PUSSY, thank you [spongebob voice] I don't need otherwise

あ：THESE ARE NOT THE SAME THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but like the humor that amane cannot fathom in fucking nene soooo hard in situations like this like make her pussy bleed To her its just like jesus

つ：ah no. the. it like bleeds into her. its like she absorbs the tsukasa fuck spiritually she has to take both. i'm sorry girl. he really should space these things out. tsukasa simply eats the energy from the air like a filter feeder. absorbs the excess stink

あ：[grabs her throat as a result of this all] moouuu yamete kudasai. PLEASE JUST HAVE SEX WITH YOUR BROTHER AS WELL like the sex is good my love but doesnt it seem like …. you could just have sex with both of us

つ：as a result of this you've harmed nene enough she can't fuck you for days after. tore something

now what. we'll. just play. cards. [everyone just sitting around for 3 days playing cards]

あ：i think sometimes its like, nene has a bruised and sore throat and torn pussy and is limping [cards shuffling in the silence] again aoi is like: honey. get help

つ：like hanako-kun i can't go home like this multiple days in a row…. we have to take a break….! ok…. for real

あ：I can't risk my parents seeing this… UNDERSTAND!! the idea of tsukasa just kind of silent through this all like not even saying anything. but like :)

つ：cards is fun (: wouhhh i won!

あ：n_n

つ：nene can't sit right. hisses if her ass contacts the floor.

あ：stuck like this all day

i was just staring at this animation earlier. but delighting in nene being trapped with this

つ：a useful visual

____________________

あ：sometimes i think about hanako hunting down tsukasa in the middle of the night in the school like a serial killer

つ：kl;jfkdl;gfl

あ：idk how else to describe it

つ：i will find you cursor. and i will eat you

あ：but yeah i think of hanako sometimes having to like. hunt down tsukasa. this thing where, like, by tsukasa respecting your space and not. being around you 24/7. means you do have to like go find him. our joudais bumping into each other or something

つ：ah its so funny for tsukasa to have laid bait out days ago…..

あ：

and then when i do i look like this

つ：what i'm gonna do to you i don't want nene around to see.

あ：mm…. yeah. she shouldnt see or hear this one

つ：thats when you know its gonna be (?) good (?)

あ：there are some things even tsukasa doesnt know❤️ anything could happen

つ：he just starts something. you never know. I'm sure sometimes it fizzles off. there is a more subdued version of this all where hanako really just nurses his ego for days and cuddles nene excessively and is sad he hurt her. and then there's versions its like 💢 why'd you…. why

wincing to see nene wince…. frustrated with. himself. remembering his own being rough with her… maybe taking a day to apologize to her… just. sorry….. I don't want to treat you like that…………………………..I'll work on it…. she's very pitying of him.

but what he means by work on it is like. fine. I'll release the demon, away from her, … sometimes. … I can't let it build up to this… level…..

あ：I think sometimes it can genuinely feel… mmm triggery, trigger-lite, stomach twisting in having let feelings reach such a state. Truly at war with own sadist brain, I think it feels so good in the moment that it's difficult to observe the aftermath, again that feeling of 'what's wrong with me…' my delicate, alive, human girlfriend, why am I not more careful with her and mindful of her whole life. She's not like us crazy supernaturals rghhh… like I could for real damage her spine or something if I was careless. stupid. [bonk]

Some days, feeling like, "it's happening again." i'm watching everything line-up for it to happen again. Oh but in that case I think it's even more like… [wants to shake tsukasa like a ragdoll] hey. fucking…. watch it

つ：it is painful to reflect on enjoying and indulging self…. you look back on it and. you ARE. being selfish. Nene is foolish and patient…. too much so. you can't let her get away with putting herself in this position all the time…..

I think she DOES enjoy getting to 'access' that intensity, feeling like it's not 'exclusive'….. but she's also simply a human girl. its relieving it isn't only 'for tsukasa'…. b. but. my bones

あ：the price to pay is her bone health

つ：i always think of amane as refusing to do anything solo with tsukasa…. for a long time. like it's dangerous…. unwilling to be, alone with tsukasa, basically. it feels taboo as it is, in canon. its why i'm so curious about the liminal space of tsukasa poofing nene away and being there for even just a minute….

it feels like. he can't stick around. you know. as it is…. even in the threeway, I imagine the 'norm' is that tsukasa can show up during school hours, while nene is there, play around, and disappear when she does, leaving hanako alone. we aren't roommates. i go to my room❤️

seeking him out like a serial killer feels like hmmmmmmmmmm…..? a new event…. [feels like a kid in trouble…. 💔]

あ：Exactly, yeah, as I see it, Tsukasa is like <3 I will be in my roost… In most circumstance, i even imagine the very inception of it all has to be that Nene herself pursued drawing out Tsukasa and was the catalyst for more -- on his own, he's very good boy, stays in hiding in the broadcast room. Shh…..

In a way I think it would be a hack for Nene specifically to want to see Tsukasa, who himself would see no reason to deny her that. She's like his tether to this situation, Nene wants me here and Amane allows me here. hehueue

I do think it's like highly forbidden to be alone together, especially after school hours, even. like, platonically. which is why I really enjoy the vibes, whether it's them on the roof talking quietly or something like. Hanako menacingly drifting down the halls

It's… a Hanako submitting that he is about to do something crazy and he is walking towards something bad. Losing my mind doing something bad to myself etc

つ：a scant platonic moment on a roof, or something, extremely rare events… tsukasa would possibly observe amane wandering the halls at a distance. heke….? ooohh what's he looking fooooor….? [for a while a looney tunes bit]

[amane rummaging floating about looking around corners and tsukasa a few paces behind him around other corners like o.o] wow, he's really adament…! must be important

あ：He has this serious air about him…..

つ：I can't sit anywhere, he'll totally run into me and get mad. if i were stationary he would have run into me naturally… is he not realizing that?

あ：Supernatural loose in the school…?

つ：IS there something… i should look for something too ig maybe a thing…. a bugge

あ：[gets horny thinking about amane pausing and just saying, aloud: tsukasa.]

つ：yyheeaaaahhh i also. thought of th. the moment he even under his breath…. is like… uugh… sigh… tsukasa…… its like ‼️

あ：bring him to me.

つ：IT WAS ME????????????⁉️ why does he want to find me? naruhodo…. except not at all!

あ：the tsukasa with 0 memories

つ：well that explains why this is a never-ending goosechase. is it really for me, though…..❔ whai…. hmm… i guess i should let him find me…. maybe….. ……………………………………………………………… maybe i should wait to hear him say it again👉👈 just one more time…!

あ：this is what it feels like to be like . ugh. beckons my brother to rape him

つ：ah. he

gets gooooosebumps hearing Amane call his name a little louder… ah but it clearly comes out of him like pulling teeth… amane thinking, you better… show up…. before i lose all interest. ugh. i'm second-guessing, you know….

あ：Longer, more drawn out sigh. hands hooked behind back, working wrist

Like… come on. It can't be that I sank this low AND I'm going to get rejected. Get cold feet. I won't look at you for a month straight if you do this to me. I'll create a salt circle around the bathroom.

[thinking all of this…. tightens jaw.] [growls.] Tsuu. Kasa. [muttering] last chance.

つ：ah poor Tsukasa… would-- feel like-- he can't-- actually jump out at amane, or something, that would ruin this, he'll get mad.. reduced a bit to 4 year old brain. a little panicked like ahouuh wait how do i do it [executive dysfunction] h-how do i let him find me but not surprise him… UHM…-- I KNOW--- [PRETENDS TO FALL OVER IN THE DISTANCE AND CLATTERS DESKS ALL AROUND]

its so like if i run and tackle him he wont like that, and, he may stop looking soon, but i cant go and put myself into his line of sight,,, i need him to find me organically,, i need to pretend ive been, busy, ouuauahhh

funny to put amane in a situation anyway to have to like RUN TOWARDS jump out of bed.

あ：Yes fhdhgh… the funny thing is, for all of Tsukasa's overthinking, i don't think. Amane is thinking about it at all, it's like, [sees the flourish of hakama] [blood in the water style] [i fucking come at you]

(~link to PART 2 down here for convenience~)

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Thoughts on SherLiam and Touch: Part 2

(Part 1)

By the point we’re at in the New York arc (chapter 71, as of writing this) Sherlock and Liam are still not touching (except, again, the possibility of feet touching beneath the table.) 

It’s almost weird, realizing that Sherlock wasn’t holding Liam’s hands in his on the rooftop. It feels like it would have been natural, there. Not that the scene suffers at all for him not doing so; it’s still beautiful. 

(Note that as I talk about touch here, unless I specifically say so, I’m not talking about sexual or inherently romantic touch. Just touch. Bumping arms, a hug, a pat on the back or the shoulders.) 

Now the thing about Sherlock is that he’s often selfish and immature, but has a definite sweetness to him. And Liam brings that out in him in spades. Sure they’re playful and flirty and competitive, but there’s such tenderness between them. To me the turning point is the way Sherlock starts looking at Liam in chapter 31: I think that’s where he begins, subconsiously or not, to realize that Liam is in pain. 

Sherlock does not generally alter his behaviour for the comfort of anyone else. It’s foundational to his personality, that he not change to fit what others want or expect. And Liam’s recognition of that is an enormous part of what makes Sherlock fall in love with like him so quickly. But that’s all the more reason why Liam is someone he will allow himself to change for, in some ways. 

So here’s my headcanon for where they’re at in the NY backstory as of Chapter 71. Sherlock wants to touch Liam, but he’s trying to actually curb his own impulses in favour of doing what Liam needs, and in a slightly flawed attempt at following the Golden Rule, as it were, he’s going: “I don’t like it when people get all sappy and touchy with me. So I won’t do that to Liam.” Liam wants to touch Sherlock, but he’s not accustomed to initiating touch with others, and he doesn’t know if it would be welcome. 

So how does the impasse break? I have two ideas: 

1. A scenario like what I wrote in Home (sorry not sorry for self-promo) but without devolving into Obligatory Fanfic Makeouts. One has a moment where he thinks the other is dead or seriously injured, and in the relief of realizing that’s not the case, he just grabs the other into a big ol’ hug. OR the one who was possibily dead/injured initiates the hug to reassure the other one. 

2. One of them has a full-scale breakdown into tears. Not Liam’s pretty rooftop crying, but like actual messy ugly sobbing. Either Liam cracks over his whole mess of guilt and missing his family all tangled in with newfound hope and love; OR, (and I’m leaning this way because by this point Sherlock deserves to have a little meltdown, as a treat) Sherlock breaks. Maybe he gets home and Liam isn’t there and all the latent fear and grief of the months Liam was unconscious bubbles to the surface, because he lived every day wondering if that was the day he’d get to the hospital and a nurse would greet him with bad news; that Liam didn’t have the will to live, that he slipped away in the night. And now Liam’s just gone, and who knows if he’s gone and jumped off a building or if he just wasn’t interested in sticking around. And when Liam comes home he finds Sherlock just crying on the floor, and a whole lot of hugging and apologizing and reassuring ensues.

Regardless, I do think they got past the touch barrier sometime between those early days in New York and the dinner party. And yes, I headcanon them as an allo gay couple who are married in every way aside from legal, with a healthy sex life that’s fun and active but far from the most important aspect of their relationship. But sticking more with what canon is likely to actually tell us: 

They both, somewhat awkwardly but sweetly, initiate touch with their older brothers when they return. Growth! 

The extra art always shows them touching more than they actually do within the story, but these Extremely Married pictures are both with the eyepatch and longer hair combo post-timeskip. 

Anyway, as per use...yoozh?...ushe?...whatever, I once again don’t really have a thesis statement or a point I’m getting at, except that they’re not touching yet, and I think they will be, and I’m curious to see how that comes about (and again, I don’t mean that in a sexual way. Just physical closeness with someone one is close to.) Also I’m just impressed how much the series has been able to build the sense of intimacy and deep connection between them without them needing to touch.

[roobgumball95]

hey, can you recommend me your fave skts fics? preferably the ones that you feel the characterization is flawless like wow this author GETS THEM. thank you!!

of course i can!!! you came to the exact right place sweetheart <3

i’ll just give you my top ten….. for now….

INFO: all fics linked have been personally read and approved by me, and are completed works. i wouldn’t do yall like that. they are in no particular order (#9 is my personal favorite)

10: Tale as old as time by lettersinpetals (14k)

don’t think there are any sexy scenes, but there are vaguely triggering mentions of OCD symptoms so if those are going to bother or if you’re a hypochondriac, maybe not the best fic to read!!!! characterization is on point for sure. PLOT: essentially it’s the story of two messes falling in love and figuring out how to make room for each other

9: Mechanical Hearts by buttonstuck (112k)

ummmm yes there is like one sexy time and it is Weird As Fuck because robot sex but don’t let that turn you off, it’s a beautiful piece with an introspective thought process on the humanization of artificial intelligence….. and of course the classic sakuatsu dynamic. WARNING: a certain amount of gore is involved, personally i did not find it too triggering, but one person does get shot (twice?) and i think someone gets killed. it’s been a while. PLOT: android sakusa on the run. atsumu the guy in the way. what could go wrong?

8: more cock, fewer roaches. please. by Gray_Herring (30k)

despite the title, there are only REFERENCED sexy times. i don’t think there are any triggering moments except for one minor freak out of sakusa’s. the freak out is due to a fear of bugs, though, not any disturbing psychotic breakdown. loved the development of this one! PLOT: sakusa is getting his house fumigated for bugs. atsumu has a spare room. you can see where this is going

7: i look for you when i’m lost (so i don’t go insane) by martialartist816 (37k)

I KNOW you’ve been waiting for the smut-heavy fics, so here you fucking go. several sexy scenes! like, if you read this you’re going to get sexy scenes! it’s an intrinsic part of the fic! also possibly triggering mentions of the pandemic/quarantine. possibly dubious consent in the first sexy time, but i didn’t find it troubling and it was immediately cleared up in the next chapter. PLOT: sakusa is rooming with atsumu when MSBY is quarantining together, and proceeds to have a sexuality crisis. as he does

6: again, like this by noodletastic (55k)

again, this is rather smut-heavy. but it’s also very sweet, especially their progression from fwb to lovers (which is my favorite trope of all time). no trigger warnings from me! PLOT: sakusa and atsumu hookup after nationals don’t go like they planned. and it keeps happening.

5: Clean™️ by Kiyoomi by sifuhotman (3k)

no sexy times, no trigger warnings! PLOT: sakusa got sponsored by Mr Clean, and suddenly he’s giving atsumu all sorts of merch. stupidity follows.

4: just as much by Sapphirine (16k)

no sexy times, no trigger warnings, just gay crises! PLOT: atsumu doesn’t love anything more than volleyball (right?)

3: Clipped to You by littleboat (8k)

no sexy times, no trigger warnings, just jealous atsumu!!!! PLOT: natsu gives sakusa some hair clips for his bangs…. it all devolves from there.

2: Under Pressure by ghostystarr (8k)

no sexy times, no trigger warnings, just MSBY crack!!!! PLOT: bokuto and hinata teach sakusa how to flirt with atsumu. it goes about as well as you can imagine.

1: i’m begging for you to take my hand by comfortcharacters (3k)

no sexy times, no trigger warnings!!!! PLOT: atsumu doesn’t know why he loves sakusa’s attention (spoiler alert: theyre fucking idiots)

Whew, that’s all for now! remember to always get in my inbox if you want more recs/more specific recs!!!

[ssa-sugar-tits]

queen of hearts // chapter two

summary: y/n y/l/n was crushed when she found out about maeve donovan. heartbroken, she left her entire life behind. what happens when she becomes the most prolific serial killer the bau has ever seen?

prologue + series masterlist & taglist

content warnings: mentions of violence, minor angst

a/n: reader is literally a psychotic murderer. this is purely a work of fiction and if you or someone you know is experiencing homicidal urges, seek professional help immediately.

-

You take the bus to the second hotel room you booked and fall onto the bed. Pulling your hair into a loose ponytail, you glance into your purse and think back to what you did.

You are not a monster. It's not like anyone's going to miss them. You're not a monster.

You're lying to yourself. Aren't you?

You turn on the TV to snap out of the vicious self loathing over what you did. The news is talking about you.

Go fucking figure.

"The Queen of Hearts strikes again at the Fairfield Inn, claiming her 104th victim. Here we have Agent Jareau from the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit with a profile her team has worked up."

Son of a bitch. The BAU's been called in?

You worked for the damn FBI and you know everything about how they'll try to catch you. How the hell did they even connect the kills? Vigorous work to stay out of their jurisdiction all gone to shit.

"We believe our killer is a woman in her mid 20s to early 30s. She is attractive and manipulative, able to lure married men away for sex and then kill them. This woman does not hold a day to day job as she travels nationwide and occasionally outside of the country. She most likely had an unfaithful significant other about 2 years ago, when the first kill happened. Probably a male with brown hair as those are the only victims she has sexual relations with. We believe she's devolving into a type of thrill killer but is more of an 'Angel of Mercy.' Due to new evidence, we believe this woman sees herself as doing 'the right thing' by killing infidels and exacting her revenge. A trace of blood, A positive, was recovered at the crime scene but as of right now, it isn't enough to match or aid our investigation. If you have any information, please call the number on your screen and do not under any circumstances approach her. Thank you."

You'd forgotten how good they were at their jobs. The man who caused all of your suffering, your pain is working your case. You know you overcompensated with... well murder. But who cares anymore? Any sanity you had, you left behind with him and your relationship. Time to pack up and get the hell out. Nowhere can really be home for you. As you pick up your go-bag and prepare to check out of the hotel, you can't help but wonder if Spencer has started to put the pieces together.

-

SPENCER'S POV - 3 DAYS LATER

-

I rub my eyes and look down at the files. There's no way. Y/N may have been hurt and everyday I regretted that but there is no way she threw away 9 years of work in the bureau and all her values to start killing. At that, 104 people in brutal, horribly violent ways. The thought shouldn't even be crossing my mind. But she fits every parameter of our profile and I've been thinking about it since the day Garcia presented the case to us. 35.7% of the population has A positive blood type and so does Y/N.

"Spence you okay?"

I don't look up at JJ.

"Yeah I'm fine."

I lie.

"You're lying."

The blonde insists. Typical.

"No I'm not."

Another lie.

"Sorry boy wonder, but you have a tell. Now what is it?"

I don't know if I can say it out loud.

"Spence?" she asks me, in her motherly tone. I hate when she does that.

I sigh and spit the sour words out.

"Y/N. She fits the profile."

It somehow sounds even crazier out loud.

"Reid, that's not funny. What's really going on?"

"I'm serious JJ."

She looks at me, glossed mouth agape for a second. I knew I shouldn't have said anything.

"Y/N is gone."

Don't do that JJ. Don't brush me off.

"I know that."

I don't mean to sound angry.

"She just isn't capable of this! We've known her for years, how can you even consider this?"

Is that her only point in Y/N's defense? That we know her? Every killer was known by someone.

"JJ none of us know where she went. And I don't think any of us thought she could just leave everything behind, no looking back. Clearly we don't know her as well as we thought did."

She sighs softly and meets my gaze.

"When she left, I was... confused. And just fucking sad if we're being honest. But Y/N is not a killer Reid." We don't know that. "And anyways we profiled that our unsub was cheated on."

My chest clenches and I have to fight back feeble tears as I look up to her.

"Jennifer..."

She looks like she's about to remark once again but she closes her mouth and realization washes over her face.

"You were involved with Maeve longer than you said, weren't you?"

I gulp tightly. I don't want to cry. I try hard not. But I start to and JJ puts an arm around me. She holds me in comfort, like the sisterly friend she's always been to me. I know a few people walk past and see me but I can't focus on that right now. I can only focus on how even if Y/N is a cold-blooded killer, I still want her. I still love her. My voice comes out as barely a whisper, I'm not sure JJ can even hear me.

"I've never believed in fate or soulmates. It isn't scientifically possible. But I always hoped that by some miracle she'd come back to me. Somehow f-forgive me. And now I'm scared that she's doing this. No I know she's doing it... I have this feeling and I-I can't think, I can't..."

"Calm down, deep breaths ok? Everyone fucks up sometimes Spence and if she really is doing this, she made her own decision."

"But I never wanted this to happen."

I didn't.

"I know you didn't. She was hurt, something like that makes a woman feel not good enough, it makes a woman fixate. But get this into your head, ok? Her decisions are not your fault."

I nod and she stands up.

"Where are you going?"

Please not where I assume she's going.

"We need to tell the team Spence."

Shit.

"No! If we... If we tell them they'll know a-and..." I stammer, cheeks flushing and I stop myself from saying the rest.

If she goes away for this I can never be with her.

"I'm sorry Spencer but you know we still have to tell them... Are you coming or not?"

I hesitantly stand up and keep my head down. I finally have to tell the team what I did. And what the love of my life is doing.

-

[niishiki]

Umbrella Academy S02

I binged the show in two days with my family, and here are the problems I have with it:

1: Lila/Diego - That’s a hard NO for me. This relationship is comparable with Leonard/Vanya in S01 because Lila was send to infiltrate the academy, she was send to manipulate Diego because he was ‘the weakest link’. She played with his feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. He craves companionship and love and she pretended to give him that for her own gain. Then, when her cover was blown, she drugged him, kidnapped him and forced him to join the commission against his will and with no regard for his wishes or his family. She didn’t care about him. If the dynamics were swapped, people would be outraged. She makes fun of Diego and belittles him numerous times. That’s not cute. It’s never cute but we tend to gloss over it when it comes from a woman about a man. She even makes fun of his ‘daddy issues’ which lie in a deep-rooted trauma and is nothing to make fun of. We see Diego devolve into that scared little boy in a matter of seconds when Reginald berates him. Lila is toxic and should’ve written out of the show by the end.

2: Klaus - Where to start? I was hyped when I saw the opening sequence. Then they nerfed the shit out of his powers for absolutely no reason. They gave his power to allow ghosts to possess him to Ben. Klaus is a bumbling fool in Season 02 and had NO impact on the story at all. They downplayed his PTSD and his other issues. They never brought up his fears and that he was never able to control his powers completely ever again. The fact that there is no regard for bodily consent when it comes to Klaus is just awful. It’s played up for laughs. 

3: Klaus & Dave - I am glad they remembered that Dave was a thing. The actor was way too young looking though. It made Klaus appear creepy around him - thus solidifying the gay man being a creep around younger boys stereotype. His looks didn’t help much in that regard either, in my opinion. 

4. Klaus & Diego - One of the best relationships in Season 01 and completely forgotten about in Season 02. Diego just doesn’t care AT ALL about Klaus. He makes fun of him. When Klaus acts up at the dinner table, he is not concerned at all. 

5: Klaus & Ben - Their relationship was just awful this season and there is no proper reasoning for it. Ben has seen Klaus at his lowest, he’s been with him for 13 years at the end of S1. I think he knows Klaus better now and the way he talks to him and treats him is just plain wrong. Not to mention that Ben gives a crap about Klaus’ consent. When Klaus wants him out of his body, he ignores it. He wanted to have sex with a girl while in Klaus’ body. One of the rules Klaus’ set was ‘not to look at his dong’ and that was one of the first things Ben did. I could laugh about that, if it was the only thing that happened that’s just not right. 

6: Luther - He was reduced to big guy with funny facial expressions. Although I see the comedic effect on him eating a lot and looking like a lost puppy. And that’s really a minor nitpick anyway because he had great scenes too.

7: Diego - He was reduced to dumb macho caveman. 

8: Five - He knows his time travel shit. It was beyond stupid to want to meet Reginald. He should have known that. This was the point where the timeline was destroyed and where the Sparrow Academy was born and Five should have known better.

I could go on and on but I guess you get the gist. Overall I really liked the season even though it dragged on for too long in certain aspects. Those are the things I am really upset about. But enough negativity! Here are the things I DID like:  

1: Luther & Diego - I enjoyed them working together and being like ‘fuck numbers we’re Team Zero’

2: Luther & Vanya - He recognized his mistakes of Season 01 and even before that and tried to be understanding, kind, and caring

3: Luther & Klaus - Very minor detail in the last episode but he actually protected Klaus and I like that a lot.

4: Diego & Vanya - Diego is not an asshole to her this season which I like. 

5: Vanya & Allison - Do I really need to say more?

6: Allison & Klaus - Their reunion was perfection. Also I loved how she understands his pain and instead of berating him, she lets him experience that pain in a safe environment WITH her.

7: Allison, Vanya & Klaus - That salon scene - even though it had NO value to the plot, it was a nice thing for the most part

8: Klaus & Vanya - Klaus calling Vanya ‘Vanny’ and kissing her hello. Also Klaus being the first in her car and talking to her.

9: Diego - I loved how soft he was this season. Even though for some reason his softness didn’t extend to Klaus whereas he was the only sibling he showed affection for in Season 01.

10: Diego & Ben - Overall I liked that they got to hug - but I don’t like the comments Diego made about Klaus in that scene

11: Five & Five - That was just a blast

12: Hazel - Though short-lived (no pun intended) Hazel was there to help

13: Herb - No furhter explanatio needed. Viva la Resistance

14: Vanya/Sissy - That was cute. I didn’t care much about that plotline but it was very cute and I liked it for the most part

15: Diego & Klaus - Very minor detail but how Diego touched Klaus’ face when they reunited. I wished they hugged properly, though. Also Klaus saying that Diego looked like Antonio Banderas and Diego thanking him and meaning it. 

[brittledame]

Pairing: Semi Eita x Reader

Warnings: Explicit, A/B/O-verse, Knotting, Creampie, Biting, Marking, Scenting, Blow jobs, locker room sex

Word Count: 7k

Summary: Semi's temper got the best of him during practice when Shirabu almost accidentally serves a ball straight into their manager. Both you and the team are worried about the older setter, but don't know what's going on with him. Unknowingly, you stumble upon Semi after his shower whilst doing chores in the empty change rooms. Semi shows you exactly what has been driving him crazy the past week. Unknowingly, you stumble upon Semi after his shower whilst doing chores in the empty change rooms. Semi shows you exactly what has been driving him crazy the past week.

Series: Part 1 of 2 (Part 2 here)

Now, you were not known for being over-dramatic, nor were you known for over exaggerating things. So, when you say aloud, “Semi has been very moody lately…” The team were beyond the point of pulling hair out in pure frustration over said male.

Safe to say, Eita is known to be a little hot headed, but when it came to anything involving Shirabu, he seemed to devolve into the human equivalent of a hair-pin trigger. Prior to whatever had triggered Eita’s down-right nasty attitude, any off-hand comments from the younger setter would at most elicit a scowl and a quick-fire jab in return.

Now though? You watched in abject horror as the situation unraveled faster than a poorly tied rope. Just as the coach had stepped out to get more paperwork for you to look over and discuss the advancements the boys have made over the past week, a ball ricocheted over in your direction, close enough for you to feel a breeze caress your cheeks.

“What in the ever-loving fuck Shirabu? I know that you have more control over your piss-poor serves than that!” Semi seethed as he marched over towards the partially stunned brunette.

Shirabu’s usually placid façade quickly evaporated into thin air as the distance between them rapidly shortened, instead it was replaced with a scowl that even had Goshiki widen his eyes and beat a hasty retreat.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Shirabu sarcastically replies, “I’ve just been a little distracted that someone has been riding my ass for the past week, so I’m sorry that I’m not performing at my best.”

Before Semi could place his hands on the shorter male, Reon and Tendou intercepted him. The latter male chucked a gangly arm across the seething setter’s shoulders, much to Semi’s evident annoyance. Reon placed a calming hand on Shirabu’s shoulder and you were relieved to see the second year’s shoulders relax slightly at the comforting touch.

“Now, now! I hardly think throwing hands with a second year is going to help whatever is going with you Eita,” Tendou wagged his finger in the air as he continued chiding Semi. “You’ll scare off poor ol’ Manager-chan if you keep up your snarling.”

You tensed up at the mention of your role. You hadn’t moved a muscle since the ball came flying your way, which honestly is a normal hazard of being manager to a power-house team. If you couldn’t handle a misfired ball here-and-there then how could you honestly function working with the rambunctious volleyball team?

You slide your eyes over to Semi, only to find he was already staring at you with dark eyes. A spark shoots down your spine, making your fingertips tingle at the sensation. You quickly break eye contact and look over to the left where Shirabu was standing quietly sulking.

“It’s fine Shirabu, it didn’t hit me, and besides,” you grin at him, “even if it did hit me, it would never trump that one time Ushijima spiked one straight into my face.”

Chuckles broke out across the group of boys, thankfully shattering the tense atmosphere. Forever missing the point, Ushijima bows and gives another apology to you while you wave him off and laugh at his serious expression. Meanwhile, Tendou steered Semi off to the side, well away from the boys now playfully teasing the ever stoic Wakatoshi.

“Honestly though dude, you’ve been stinking up the place lately. Are you really alright? And don’t brush me off again.” Tendou’s light tone turned serious, revealing to Semi just how badly his badly managed temper has effected those around him.  “Is this an alpha issue or…?”

Semi rubbed at his eyes and sighed heavily .

“I’m-I’m dealing with it. I’m sorry that I’ve been a bit aggressive lately,” he said tiredly. Maybe his rut was coming a week sooner than he had anticipated, he’s never felt so on edge, especially when you were in the vicinity.

A sharp whistle cut through the air, causing a few of the younger years to wince, with the third years sighed at the loss of their short break. Practice goes back into full swing, the scene quickly forgotten as Washijou barks out commands and demands laps as retribution when they fail to satisfy him. You yourself couldn’t ruminate any longer on Semi’s apparent bad temper lately as you rush to fill in the sheets Washijou handed you and keep up with the team’s moves.

All too soon, practice was called to an end. A few whoops from the more energetic boys sounded at the whistle, but it seemed like most of the boys were exhausted from this particular practice session. The heavy mix of sweat and pheromones was enough to make you wrinkle your nose. Even after all these years you’d think that you would get used to the smell of a couple dozen alphas and betas and the occasional omega stinking up the enclosed area.

As per usual, all the members gathered around the coaches and waited for the hazing critiques coach Washijou was sure to dish out. It seemed that poor Goshiki suffered the brunt of the harsh comments, looking for all the world like he was trying not to cry. Reon and Yamagata moved closer to the first year and gave a few encouraging pats on the back, once Washijou had moved onto his next victim. Shirabu shook his head at the scene. Guiltily, you kind of understood the sentiment.

One had to be able weather all sorts of scathing critiques and comments to last long on this team. There’s a reason most omega’s don’t stay long on the team, most pushed to tears and dropping off the team before they could make a whole term. You were the longest standing omega team member and that was purely driven by spite to prove to Washijou that you weren’t a “waste of space” as he once so kindly called you.

Sliding your eyes over to Semi, you were shocked to find the dark-tipped ash blonde male already staring at you with burning eyes. Locking eyes for all of a second, he quickly looked down at the floor, tightly clutching at his towel. He was still wiping the sweat off of his brow, chest heaving as he tries to draw cool air into his tired lungs. Trying to be subtle, you scent the air, trying to locate Semi’s unique musk under the many layers of scents in the gym, but like always you couldn’t push past the reek of teenager’s sweat.

After the short intermission, he really threw himself into his serves and sets. The force he hit every ball caused a knot of something to settle in your abdomen. You couldn’t help but wonder what it’d feel like if he’d used that same force on your –

“ – and that’s all for today. I expect you all to improve on those points within the next week or you will be riding pine for however long I desire. Understand?” You gulped as you were ripped out of your dirty thoughts for a guy that wouldn’t even give you a second glance.

A resounding “Yes!” signaled the end of another day’s worth of work. Everyone started filing off towards the showers, hoping to get one of the few stalls that had decent water pressure. Thankfully, hot water was a non-issue with the mountain-load of funding appointed to the high-ranking team, otherwise it’d be a blood bath.

Steeling your nerves, you sought Semi out. You spot him standing near the entrance of the hallway leading to the locker rooms, talking animatedly to a smiling Reon. You really didn’t want to interrupt the conversation between the two alphas but you needed to talk to Semi about his attitude problem. Anymore days like today and you’re not sure if Washijou will hesitate to chuck Semi to the curb, irregardless of the power the setter brought to the court.

Thankfully you didn’t have to awkwardly catch Semi’s attention. You caught Reon’s eye and gave him an awkward wave, he nodded at you and said his goodbye to the bewildered setter. You always did love Reon’s fatherly nature, you’d have to treat him to his favourite meal of mackerel cooked in miso as a thank you sometime soon.

Semi froze when he met your eyes and you tried to not show any hesitance as you addressed him.

“Hey, I just wanted to ask about what’s up with you lately. I know it’s not exactly easy to talk about that kind of stuff to the team but…” Semi watches as you nervously tug at a piece of your hair. “You can talk to me if you want, I’d be more than happy to at least listen to anything that’s been on your mind lately.”

Semi bit his lip, eyes cast off to the side in (what you hope is) contemplation. His eyebrows furrow as you notice him scent the air, obviously displeased with what he smells, as his entire face tightens.

“I’m fine. Thanks for the offer though.” He says in clipped tones, turning away from you.

Panicking, you grab his wrist to stop him. This turned out to be the worst possible choice, as Semi’s entire body freezes. You hold your breath, not wanting to fuck up this situation more so than you already have. A short eternity passes before he brusquely shakes off your loosened grip and stalks off towards the lockers, not breathing another word to you.

Hurt, you twist your hands together. Wow, you managed to piss off one of the hottest guys in your year in less than a minute, that has to be new record. Shit, maybe he was disgusted that an unmated omega near her heat touched him? No, that wasn’t likely. Semi wasn’t one of those uptight pretentious alphas that dominated Shiratorizawa's halls, in fact he was quite sociable and friendly when he was off the court.

On the court he had a one-track mind and an itch to show the team that just because he was benched doesn’t mean he had nothing to bring to the table. It was something you greatly admired about the male, asides from his jaw-dropping physique that you had the pleasure of viewing a handful of times during the hottest days in the summer.

Still spiraling into your self-made pit of despair, you listlessly set off to complete the rest of the chores assigned to you before it got too late. You usually were the last to leave for the night, so you had the keys for lock up jingling noisily in your pocket as you drop off your annotated charts and completed stats to coach Washijou’s office. On the way back, you drop by the laundry room and sort out some of the player bibs and towels needing to be washed from the ones needing to be folded up for use the next day.

Usually you can find some enjoyment in these menial tasks, as it allows you to ruminate in your thoughts or hum a new song that’s stuck in your head, but today you finish your chores in silence. You fail to not over-analyse Semi’s new apparent distaste for your presence this past week. He was usually more than amicable towards you, popping up to offer a helping hand at random times, and offering to help carry some heavy course material when he spots you struggling in the hallways.

Sighing, you set down the last folded towel on top of the pile needing to be delivered to the locker room. You have no idea what’s gotten into him recently, but it has nothing to do with anything alpha-related, as you’ve spent many times together in the days leading up to his rut and he’s never been this adverse to your touch before.

Physically shaking the thought from your head, you straighten yourself up and check the time. Great, it was late enough that none of the boys should still be in the locker room, so you could deliver the pile of towels, go back to your dorm and sulk for the rest of the night.

The hallways were empty and silent now that the boys were more than likely filed up for dinner. Cautious, you give a precautionary knock just in case someone was loitering around instead of rushing out like the others. At the lack of response, you swing open the door and begin to place the towels around the room and sort the dirty laundry into the right washing bins.

Lost in the monotony of your everyday motions, you missed the padding footfalls leaving the showers. Eita stood there in shock when he saw your figure bent over the washing bins, left to the lockers. He cursed his luck (his misfortune, he corrects) of having the one person in the school that Eita couldn't bare to lose control around alone with him. Already he could feel his tenuous grasp on his self-restraint slipping as he observes your clueless form sort out laundry.

Sniffing at the air, Eita could scent nothing but you in the air now that there was no one else around and he could feel his dick twitch at the thought. For fuck’s sake he already went above and beyond to avoid you today and the team after that disastrous practice. He even stayed behind to rub a quick one out in the empty showers, thinking about your soft skin against his.

As Eita stood behind you, lost in his turbulent thoughts, you stand up and turn around, meeting the half-naked setter's eyes. He looks just as shocked as you, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted, failing to say anything.

You can’t help your eyes as they take in his almost nude form, feeling almost envious at the white fluffy towel hiding his modesty from your view. Water droplets fall from his partially dried, tousled hair onto his pectorals and trace translucent trails down his tight abdomen and disappearing into the towel. Your mouth dries at the sight Semi makes before you, a casual sort of attractiveness that models strive to perfect.

Amused, Eita watches you rake your eyes over his form. He’s humble enough to know he looks pretty damn good for an eighteen year old, but he still preens under your appreciative look. Licking your lips unconsciously, you once again meet his eyes, fire clashing with fire.

'Oh god, keep it in your pants!' You admonished yourself. 'The poor guy is just trying to get dressed and here you are eye fucking him, for shame!'

Blushing heavily, you turn your gaze downwards. Eita gnaws at the inside of his cheeks at the sight of your embarrassed form. If this goes down the same track Eita’s illicit thoughts had journeyed down not that long ago, Eita is going to make an embarrassment of himself.

Throwing all caution to the wind, Eita mumbles a rough “fuck it” as he marches towards your prone form. Refusing to look up at him, you petulantly turn your head away from him. Semi huffs at the act and instead draws your head up with a crooked finger under your chin. You forgot how to breathe for a moment as you met his heated gaze. God, that look alone was enough to make you shiver and feel slick start gathering in your panties.

Eita chuckled at the wide-eyed expression on your face. “Don’t look so surprised. You’re the one person who could make me lose my mind like this, and you’re all alone with me at the worst possible moment.”

It’s at that moment that you’re hit with a wall of pure alpha scent, unsullied by any of the other’s pheromones or sweat. The smell of coconut body wash mixed with his natural musk, along with sharp undertones of bergamot, overwhelmed your senses. You whimpered at connotation of such a scent, Semi was interested in you – very interested.

‘Maybe he’s close to a rut, that’s why he’s acting like this. Of course he’d be like this around an unmated omega.’ The thought was sobering and practically kills your mood.

Drawing away from the stunning male, you shake your head. “No, you’re close to a rut, that's why you're acting like this. You just want an omega to warm your bed. Any omega will do.”

You had too much self-respect to waste any time or emotion trying to play into your number one fantasy of Semi actually reciprocating your feelings and wanting to fuck you, only to find out he was just looking to get his dick wet for the night.

“That’s not true and you know it,” Semi spits out between clenched teeth, drawing you back into him. “I’ve wanted to be with you romantically since first year. You’d have to have been blind to miss it.”

Offended, you rear up and scowl at him. “I’m not getting into bed with you because your horny mouth spits out some flattery. I know for a fact you don’t see me in that way, the past few days is proof of that!”

“Have you listened to a single word I’ve said? I've been dealing with so much sexual frustration lately because all I can think about is all the different positions I could fuck you in and mark up that soft skin of yours.” A flush of heat rolls through your body at his words.

“Lately, I’ve felt so out of control around you. I really don’t want to fuck up and lose our friendship.” He finishes, whispering the words into your hair.

Okay, so Semi has also been struggling with the same feelings you’ve been fighting back with a stick since first year, that's relieving. It’s sweet that Semi regarded your friendship so highly that he wouldn’t risk a potential mishap like this to fuck it up. The thought warms you in a way different to before.

“We’re such idiots,” you huff, burying your face into his chest. “I’ve liked you for awhile now as well. I just thought you'd always regard me in a platonic way. Kind of funny now that I think about it.” You slowly inhale, drawing in his soothing scent, as Semi wrapped his arms around you.

“Satori once commented that if there was anymore sexual tension between us, he expected us to spontaneously start fucking on the floor like animals.” Semi chuckled, tightening his grip minutely.

You hum thoughtfully. “Nah, I always imagined our first time either in one of our dorms or against the lockers.”

Looking up, you had the pleasure of watching a delicious-looking blush coat Semi’s cheeks at your teasing tone. Bring his hand up, he cups your cheeks and swipes his thumb gently under your eye, while the other draws circles over your hip. You tip your head back and relish in the feeling of his soft touches.

“Oh, really now?” He lowly teased back. “Why don’t we try it then?”

Semi releases your cheek, winds his arms around your waist and picks you up, walking you towards the very same lockers that had a starring role in your midnight fantasies. You have no idea who initiated the kiss, but your lips collided together just before your back was pressed against the cold metal.

You didn’t feel fireworks going off in the background, nor little birds start singing at your first kiss, but good god, did he make you feel light as a feather and make your heart all fluttery. Without thinking, you hook your legs around his torso and wind your fingers through his still-damp hair.

His lips were surprisingly soft and so very plush, you could easily get addicted to kissing Semi. You waited until the last possible second before you drew back for breath, panting against his lips for a moment, before diving right back in.

Out of nowhere, Semi roughly nips at your bottom lip and you gasp in response. He doesn't hesitate as he slides his tongue between the seam of your pink lips and entangle your tongues together. Moaning, you draw your trimmed nails down his naked back, blindly taking in each ridge and ripple of muscle of his toned physique. Semi's body trembles at the sensation.

This time Semi was the one to pull back with a gasp, burying his head in the crook of your neck, panting heavily.

“Do that again and I’ll really lose it.” His growl shot straight down to your core. You decide to tempt fate and really push Semi’s buttons, excited to see how far he’ll take it. You grind down onto his growing erection, while simultaneously raking your nails down his back hard enough to leave pink trails of irritated skin.

Semi almost immediately bucked up into up and moaned aloud. That moan alone was enough for slick to start pouring out of you, not to mention the dark look the alpha gives you.

“I warned you.” He says lowly, tone heavy with a dark promise.

Without letting you catch your breath, he dives back down to your mouth, kissing and nipping you with fervour that left you dizzy. Without thinking, you grind onto him, your core clenching on nothing as it grinds against Semi’s rigid length.

You couldn’t wait to see Semi’s cock, you had your guesses on what it might look like, maybe it was average size with above average girth, or maybe it was a little on the longer side, enough so that it could reach depths unexplored by your wondering fingers.

Well you always were the one to take advantage of any situation you were placed in and this one was no different to any other. Disconnecting your lips, a thin string of saliva connects the two of you snaps as you draw away and unhook your legs from around his back. Gliding out of his grasp, you slide your back down the lockers.

“Whoa, what are you doi-?” Grabbing his hips, you swing him so that his back was flat against the lockers and swiftly removed the infernal piece of fabric. The sight before you was drool-worthy, a cause to rub your thighs together to try and relieve the itch to just grab his dick and just cram it up inside of you – prep be damned. Instead, you just gawk at his dick, watching it twitch up against his stomach as Semi gives you a curious look.

It was of average thickness, but the length? That was well above average. The sight of a throbbing vein on along the right side of his cock caught your attention and god would that feel absolutely heavenly inside of you. If you were on the fence before, you now decided not to leave this room until you get the dicking down you deserve from putting up with his hormonal bullshit for the past week.

Licking your lips, you make eye contact with Semi as you grasp his dick and place the tip at the seam of your mouth. You absolutely adore the passionate heat in his gaze, giving him a slight smirk as you deliver a few small kitten licks to his tip.

“Stop playing around, gorgeous. I know exactly how skilled that tongue is.” Shivering at the demand, you close your eyes as you slowly make your way down his shaft. While you don’t regret showing the boys your odd talent of tying cherry stems with just your tongue, it seems to have come back to bite you in ass.

Unsurprisingly, you’re not able to fit the entirety of his cock in your mouth before you draw back for a moment before starting a faster pace. It only took a few tries before you could fit his entire length in your mouth, moaning when you feel it hit your oesophagus. You were eternally grateful for your lack of gag reflex, you would hate to ruin this life changing moment by chucking up on the poor guy.

Remembering the vein, you seek it out with your tongue and rub against it, appreciating the fact that you could literally feel how fast Semi’s heart was beating.

Groaning, he threaded a calloused hand through your loose locks and gave an occasional tug whenever you did something exceptional. You increase the sucking pressure and encouraged Semi to thrust up into you mouth by pressing his hips towards you. Receiving the message loud and clear, Semi set up his own fast pace, rolling his hips back and forth, almost overwhelming you.

Wanting to get back some control, you gently scrape your teeth down his shaft as he pulls out. Semi’s body immediately started trembling as he groaned aloud. Pulling at your hair, he tries to suppress the orgasm building quickly up in his abdomen. He would rather die than have a premature orgasm, he’s waited so long to have you like this, and he’ll be damned if your sinfully skilled tongue pushes him of the edge a lot sooner than he’d like.

Pulling your mouth off his slick dick by your hair, you whine at the loss, while he pants slightly. “I am not cumming in that pretty mouth of yours before I get to fuck you properly.”

Not even a moment later, Semi had you by the waist and splayed out on the – thankfully – cushioned bench. He stands there for a moment, committing to memory the sight of your pink cheeks, spit-slick chin and heaving chest.

“It’s not really fair that I’m naked and here you are all modest.” Bending over you, Semi tugs at your shirt. “Be a good girl and take this off for me?”

Your mind filled with static at his words, a wave of heat burning through you at the nickname the alpha gave you. Without thinking, you quickly strip out of your managerial clothes, not even trying to be sexy as you rush to slip off the maroon polo shirt and black shorts. Once you reach your undergarments, you pause, looking up at the alpha.

‘Thank god I wore a matching set today.’ You belatedly think. A quick glance at your plain black cotton bra and panties, with a tasteful amount of lace covering the fabric and peeking over the side. You judge it adequate enough for tonight. Not that you left your room this morning thinking anyone was going to see them, but still grateful for the choice, nonetheless.

He grins at the slight sign of submission, his inner alpha pleased at the silent question. Semi’s eyes swept over your nearly bare form, teeth buried in his lip as he takes in smooth skin that seems to go on endlessly, eyes pausing over the strips of black fabric covering your modesty.

Sitting on the bench, he gestured you over to him, watching intensely as you move towards him and throw a leg over his lap to straddle his thick thighs. He runs his fingertips from your throat, through the valley of your breasts, and stopped them just at the edge of your panties, fiddling with the lace there.

“Do you have anything on tomorrow?” He asks mildly, catching you off guard. You gave him a confused look and shake your head. Tomorrow was Saturday, the one day that was safe from coach Washijou’s back-breaking fitness regime, and no one had anything school-related to do tomorrow either.

Pleased Semi ducks down and hums in your ear. “Then I don’t suppose you’d mind if I mark you up a bit, right?” You felt your breath rush out of your lungs, failing to return.

“Go ahead.” You said breathlessly. You could feel the alpha chuckle from where he was pressed up against you.

“Good.”

You grasp at his biceps as he starts to suck a mark just under your ear, pausing to inspect it before giving a pleased hum and moving to suck another one along the column of your unblemished neck. He pays special attention to the major scent gland based just a few centimetres down from your ear. Sharp canines scrape across the sensitive skin and the feeling leaves your knees weak and slick start accumulating in your panties.

He buries his nose in the spot, taking in the rich scent of dark cherries and sugared plums. Single-minded, he noses the delicate area until it was swollen and imbued with his own scent. A rumble tears through his chest at the pleasing smell of your intermingled scents, part of him being simultaneously calmed yet exhilarated.

“Fuck you smell so damn good.” He breaths. You groan as he continues to brush up against the sensitive skin.

At your noise, he leaves the abused gland, clearly feeling accomplished. Semi thought if any more blood rushed down to his erection he’d pass out, but the sight of the marks he made littering your neck, looking like a beautiful abstract painting of purple lilacs, he could feel his blood begin to boil.

Making his way southwards, Semi continues to leave physical reminders of his love in ardent lavender and rose-pink marks. Slowly, he tilts you back until your back once again meets the cold bench, causing you to shiver. It definitely wasn’t from the scandalous sight of Semi situated between your legs; lips tantalizingly close – but not close enough – to your clothed core. No sir.

An immoral part of you wants to watch as Semi, hopefully, goes down on you, so you prop yourself up on your elbows. On a second thought, you also remove your bra, thankfully getting it off without any major mishaps, flinging it off to the side. Looking down at him, you wriggle your eyebrows out him.

“Like what you see?”

“Yeah, more than you could ever know.” He grins up at you, a devious glint in his eye. “So let me show you how much I appreciate you.”

Obviously fed up with waiting around, Eita goes straight for gold. His thick tongue licks a hot stripe over your clothed core, tasting the slick-soaked material. You gasp, grabbing for his head, threading your fingers through his soft ash-coloured hair. After a few long strokes, he eventually bores of that and hooks his thumbs into the elastic band of your panties and slowly drags them down your legs.

You wordlessly keen as Semi’s hands come back and dig into the fleshy part of your thighs, separating them to bare your naked core to him. Breath hastening as he views your glistening hole, you feel some slick trickle out at thought of what was about to go down – quite literally.

His eyes flash up towards yours as he slowly descends upon you, not breaking eye contact as you finally feel his tongue against your bare folds.

Back arched, you clutch his hair harder as you tilt your hips to match his movements, encouraging his tongue to reach deeper. Unlike you, he doesn’t hesitate to jump straight in, tongue breaching your hole with such ease, you’d think he’s done it a hundred times.

Wet, sloppy sounds fill the air as he starts to vehemently eat you out, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you feel the warm muscle dip in and out, and best of all, curl inside of you.

Eita savours the flavour of your arousal, a greedy part of him wanting more and more until he’s had his fill of you. With the faces you’re making, he knew that day would never come around, he’s already addicted to the feeling and taste of you.

Hands tightening their grip on fleshy part of your thighs, keeping your thighs apart to prevent them from crushing Semi’s head, you knew there's going be bruises there tomorrow. He chuckles when you moan at one particular tongue flick. The vibrations of him causes another moan to rip through you.

Long, calloused fingers soon join the fray, Semi apparently tiring of using just his tongue. Although you’re pretty sure his tongue alone would bring you to orgasm, but oh well, he can save that move for a rainy day.

Semi was a very skilled setter and musician, long and pretty fingers pair with amazing hand-eye coordination help with that, but this? His fingers felt phenomenal as callouses created the perfect amount of friction rubbing against your walls.

It wasn’t long between the synchronous actions between his skilled fingers and tongue that you felt your orgasm building up, hot and tingling. The thumb rubbing at your clitoris left you seeing literal stars, as you fail to keep your breathing under control.

Eita noted your arching back and trembling thighs and concluded that your orgasm was close. He paused his actions for a short second as he weighed his options. He could either continue and let you orgasm then fuck your brains out, or he could stop and watch you orgasm for the first time when he’s buried in you.

He resumed his movements for all of a second before your sharp shout of his name tore him from his thoughts. It seems that you spared him from making that hard decision, he mused.

To you, the orgasm seemingly came out of nowhere. It crested and washed throughout your entire body, filling it with an electrical zapping sensation, leaving your ears ringing. Mind filled with static, you could vaguely feel your body slip back onto the bench as your arms gave out on you.

Eita watched with glee as you came on his tongue and fingers, covering them with your juices. He removed his tongue and thickly swallowed at the sight of you splayed out in front of him with a blissed-out expression on your flushed face. It was so dirty, but so fucking hot. Eita knew the sight before him will help him through many a lonely night when he makes good use of his right hand.

When you come back to your senses, you have the pleasure of seeing Semi’s slick-slick face. He must not have been bothered enough to clean it off. Arms flexing, he props himself onto his elbows, lips only a breath away from yours.

Mouths meeting, you taste each other’s essence on your tongues. You never thought the taste of yourself on his tongue would be so hot, but you’re glad to be proven wrong in such a manner.

Legs parted around his body, Semi’s hand grabs your right leg and wraps it around his hips, not breaking the kiss. Tongues clashing, you grind up into him, relishing the feeling of his stiff dick pressing hard against where you wanted him the most.

Just half an hour ago you were stressing about Semi despising you and now here you were, spreading your legs like a seasoned whore for said male.

Smirking, his hips pin yours to the bench, his hard dick resting teasingly between your slick folds. Breaking the kiss, he smirks down at you, eyes filled with the promise of wrecking you. You could feel hot anticipation lick down your spine and coil tightly in your abdomen despite cumming only moments ago.

“Are you sure about this? I’m scared that once I start I won’t be able to stop myself.” He admits.

Reaching up, you brush the hair out of his face and tuck it behind his ear.

“I’ve been thinking about this moment for the past two years, I don’t think I could wait another second.”

You tense slightly as you feel his tip nudge at your entrance, forcibly trying to relax your muscles before he entered, otherwise the experience wouldn’t be enjoyable if you were too tight to enter.

Your teeth dig into your cheek as he slowly, but surely, enters you. Semi has to pause half-way through to gather his wits, with clenched teeth he reigns in his thoughts of just thrusting all the way home and ripping everything from you, tooth and nail.

A short eternity later, he’s finally seated fully inside of you. Testing yourself, you flutter your walls around the foreign body and feel warmth bubble up in your chest at the way Semi groans deeply in your ear.

“You feel so fucking good, you know that?” He slowly rolls his hips up into you, hoping you’ll give him the go ahead. Moaning at the sensation of his throbbing member buried deep inside of you, you quickly get used the feeling and start unthinkingly grinding up into him, giving him the nonverbal signal to start.

It’s only then that Eita starts fucking you exactly how you always imagined he’d take a lover, with ardent intensity and a single-minded determination to get you off before he finishes. The thought of what sweet expression you’ll have when you take his knot comes unbidden, making his dick twitch inside of you.

He hastens his pace, mouth latching on to the side of you neck once again, biting hard enough to make you gasp and tighten around him, setting him off and causing him bite down even harder. You could’ve sworn he drew blood, but honestly didn’t have the higher brain function to worry much about how you would go about trying to hide his marks for the next two weeks.

Digging your nails into Semi’s shoulder, you throw your head back in ecstasy as he miraculously hits your G-spot three times in a row. Toes-curling, you felt your orgasm swelling up within you, molten and mind-frazzling.

“Don’t – fuck – Don’t stop. Right there!” You gasp into the cool night air, hoping that his dick will go back to abusing the bundle of nerves.

Like a piston, he rapidly thrust his hips back and forth, watching as his dick gets swallowed up by your greedy wet hole. Slick pours out of you and drips onto his dick, smearing onto his sharp hip bones and the backs of your thighs every time he slams up into you.

“You feel so good, I want to stay buried in you forever. You’d let me do that, wouldn’t you baby?” He pants into the crook of your neck, hot breath washing over sensitive skin.

Groaning at the words, you clench around his length, nails digging into his shoulders as his pace starts to speed up again.

“You’d be so good for me; I mean look at you now. You look so pretty taking my cock like this, and your not even in a heat.”

You swear you could feel your soul ascend to the next dimension as he blows your mind – and back – out with his heaven-sent dick.  Pulling him down you repay him in kind by biting and sucking a few marks of your own into his neck, the purples and pinks looking so pretty on his sun-tanned skin.

“I haven’t even started my rut yet, but you’re here you are about to get my knot. Look at what you’ve done to me, baby girl.” He groans, swapping out hard and fast thrust for long and deep ones.

Sure enough, you could feel the base of his dick swell with a pre-rut knot. Well damn. While it wasn’t unusual for that to happen out of a rut, it was uncommon enough for it to swell as large when not in a rut, so you grind even harder on him, hoping for it to catch.

Semi reaches down, blindly searching for your clit and rubbing it fervently once he located it, causing you to tighten considerably around him. Eita hisses at the vice-like grip you have on him, speeding up the short strokes of his thumb, hoping to push you over the edge before his already roiling orgasm crashes down on him.

His rutting hips don’t falter when the hot ball of liquid arousal exploded inside you. Another orgasm rushed through you, this time stealing your breath and causing you to see stars behind your eyelids, with your extremities going numb from the overwhelming sensation.

You come with his name on your lips, your walls constricting around his dick, slick gushing out around his dick, causing his hips to stutter as he hurriedly thrust back up into you with enough force for his knot to finally catch on your hole, swelling to lock the two of you together.

Eita comes with a feral shout, arms locking as he unloads inside of you, the residual fluttering of your walls from your orgasm milking his knot for all it had. He groaned at his prolonged orgasm, having never ejaculated for so long, he slumps his tired body over your prone body, nose buried in your soft hair.

Coming down from your high, you start blinking the dark spots out of your vision. The heavy weight of Semi resting on your chest becoming more apparent, as does the knot still inside of you, weakly pulsing out some more cum.

You shiver at the feeling of being so full. Fuck, you really could get used to this, knot pushed deep inside you, Semi snuggled up into you, skin flushed from exertion and painted in perspiration.

Waiting for the knot to go down, you brush a hand through his hair, while Semi draws spirals onto your bare shoulder.

“You’re so lucky I’m on the pill or we would have a huge issue on our hands.” You tug at his hair, admonishing him for his reckless actions. You had a plan after high school and it certainly didn’t involve a baby. While Semi has swept in and ruined most of those plans in one fell swoop, you refuse to let him saddle the both of you with that extra responsibility.

He props himself up and gives you the cutest little pout you’ve ever seen, looking very out of place on the usually severe-looking face.

“I knew you were on the pill. You were complaining the other month that it was making you gain weight ‘like super crazy easy’ if I remember right.” He teases, poking at your puffed-out cheeks.

“Well it’s fucking true! Why don’t you try taking some hormone drugs and see what it does to your metabolism.” You huff, ignoring his chuckling at your petulant tone. “Besides, that doesn’t really excuse the fact that we did it raw straight off the bat.”

Eita purses his lips. “True. I’m sorry, I could’ve taken the extra second to get a condom out of my bag.”

You pause, taking in his words. “It’s fine, that’s kinda on both of us. Also, why the hell are you carrying a condom around in your bag like it’s a pack of tissues?” He laughs at you, not even bothering to answer the question, much to your dismay.

The scent of a sated alpha flooded the room, pleasing a deep and primal part of you, leading you to give a pleased hum, changing the subject.

“Oh god, it stinks in here. We’re gonna have to open the windows to let some of it out.” You groan, throwing an arm across your eyes. The last thing you wanted to think about after coming twice in less than an hour was cleaning up the evidence of your tryst, so that the team didn’t find out.

Eita’s deep laughter fills the room, chasing away any insecurities you had about any regrets he may have had about tonight. Smiling, you wrap your arms around his snatched waist and lean up to scent him, rubbing your nose back and forth until your scent had taken root.

Satisfied, you leant back and admired your handy work. His scent gland was swollen and tinged pink, and most importantly, he smelt of you.

Eita’s eyes glint with humour as he closely regards your happy, sated expression.

“Probably not the right time to say this, but I really do love you, you know?” You could feel your heart flip within your chest, squeezing painfully at his soft, smitten tone.

“You’re right, probably not the best time to say it for the first time with your cum inside me, but I love you too, you idiot.” Blushing, Semi looks down at the mess  between where your bodies met. Judging his knot was finished, he carefully pulled out. You shiver at the sensation of his cum slowly drizzling out of you, feeling weirdly empty now that he’s not inside you.

Getting up, he rushes over to the pile of clean towels you brought in, came back and started gently cleaning the both of you up.

After trading a couple dozen stolen kisses between cleaning up the bodily fluids off of the bench and yourselves, laughing at Semi’s comment of never being able to look at that bench ever again without getting a boner. You have never so light and elated in your life.

Notes: I was originally planning on Semi dragging reader to his room and having his wicked wicked way with her for the whole weekend, to ride out his rut but then I thought that you can never go wrong with good ol' locker room sex. Critiques, comments and notes are always appreciated!!

[coppercookie]

A thousand and one nights (1969)

It's only fitting that the first animated movie for adults came out in 1969. This is the first in a experimental trilogy by Tezuka called Animerama with each being intended for a mature audience. Aldin runs off with a sex worker called Mirium. The chief of police's son; who paid for the Mirium is enraged that Aladdin ran off with her so he sends Badli (wow I wonder if he's the antagonist) to get her back at any cost. Once she is captured Badli manipulates her to stay with her. 8 months later Mirium dies giving birth to Aldin's child; Jaris so Babli adopts her. Meanwhile Aldin comes across the 40 thieves and plans to steal their gold until Ali Baba's daughter Mardia catches him. Once they realise they both have a serious grudge against Badli they begin to work together. After that it just devolves into sexy lady Island time for the next 10 minutes or so. After a timeskip Jaris now a teenager is in love with Aslam, a shepherd instead of a concubine of the sultan like Babli wants her to. Aldin is back in the movie now having changed his name to Sinbad and plans to become the sultan of Baghdad and marry Yaris who he doesn't know is his daughter through a tournament.

As you can tell the plot is pretty scattershot even though I cut out things that didn't have much bearing on the story like the weird teletubby-like imps that turn into animals, the torture scene in prison and the pirate adventure. There's a decent story that could be salvaged if it was more focused and trimmed all the fat. Mardia is by far the most interesting character but she is barely utilised, what Badly did to her to make her so vengeful is awful (it was r@pe btw, thank god it wasn't explicit) and I feel like she should of had way more agency instead of being on screen, what 15 minutes total?

The art direction while cheap is very appealing. There's a lot of experimentation in this like using live action water and monochromatic palettes in certain scenes. It gets more abstract and artsy during the erotica bits. I appreciate them trying out new ideas but it's charm isn't enough for the 2 hours and 10 minutes of runtime to keep you engaged.

It's nice to see experimentation and a studio trying to break out of the 'animation is only for kids' stigma but it is just too long and all over over the place for me to recommend it. Oldboy (2003) has a few similar plot points and is done really well. If you're looking for psychedelic animation go for the yellow submarine or the adventures of price achmed if you are interested in a 1001 Arabian nights adaptation.

The list

[popculturebuffet]

Wonder Woman 1984 Review “The Monkey’s Paw Wish of Superhero Movies”

Before we dig in,  I just want to properly frame how much of a fucking disapointment this film was to me. It was thanks to the first film that I became the massive Wonder Woman fan I am today. Thanks to that movie and it’s accompanying sale, as Comixology likes to put sales on to tie into things as you’d expect, I tried Greg Rucka’s run on the title.. and quickly bought the second volume and will buy the third which didn’t exist yet at some point, as it’s easily one of my faviorite comics of all time, one i’ll undoubtly cover, and one that throughly sold me on the amazon princess, and throughly defined what she is to me: a compasionate warrior. Someone who WILL fight, who will take on the bad guys without hesitation, and who WILL kill if she has to.. but also someone whose compationate. Who will genuinely try to reform foes, who only kills as a last resort and not as a first option like some adaptations and the new 52 seem to think. She’s someone who in said run went out of her way to help her old friend and currently brainwashed foe Vanessa Kapetlis get cured of being the silver swan. She’s someone whose wholhe purpose for writing a book wasn’t money but simply to spread her people and her gods teachings. Someone whose , kind, noble, badass, smart and easily every bit the pure soul superman is. The run sold me on the character throughly and made me a fan to this day, one currently pouring thorugh both Rucka’s second run, and George Perez’ equally good run and one who hopes the upcoming dc relaunch means she’ll stop swapping writers every few months and get the run she deserves.  I just wanted to sell how much I treasured the character now thanks to the first movie and thus how hyped beyond hype I was for this movie. It had a great cast, a great setting, cool trailers.. sure they didn’t show off the plot but it had to be good right? This couldn’t be say.. a giant, overly long mess of tangled plots, padding, terrible pacing, unfortunate implications and pedro pascal devouring the scenery in a manner galactus would be proud of right? 

Well that’s what we got. After a year of hoping it’d come out some way this year, after having it delayed and after a year where MANY projects I loved were necessarily delayed due to covid... I got what I wanted. I got the movie i’d been hoping to see for months and months and months... and just like the wishes in the movie itself... it went horribly, horribly wrong. What I expected was something great as the other recent DC Movies.. what I got was a huge disapointing mess capping off a huge disapointing mess of a year. So while i’m a bit late due to contracting Covid and all the “FUN” that comes with that, I still felt like tearing into this film to figure out why I didn’t like it, what good parts it did have, and what the hell went wrong here. Spoilers and full review after the cut. 

The Plot:  Unlike my usual summaries I do, i’m keeping this one short and susicnt for those who haven’t seen the film: After a cold open flashback to diana’s childhood that was an omen of the boring padding to come, we get our main plot: It’s 1984 and Diana is acting in semi secret and helping out where she can. After some artifact thefts she takes a job at a museum and meets meek nerdy nerdy and office punching bag Barbra Minerva. The two strike up a kind of friendship, with Barbra wishing she could be as cool as diana especially after Diana saves her from being assaulted by a creepy random asshole. 

Diana hasn’t moved on from Steve Trevor’s death in the previous film, and thus when encountering a mysterious stone wishes for him to come back. Barbra likewise wishes fto be just like diana. Meanwhile Maxwell Lord, a conman who has sold a bunch of bogus oil plots, plots to steal the stone himself and does so by seducing Barbra, and instead of wishing for more wishes, wishes to GRANT THEM instead, thus overnight making his buisness a sucess and using the inevitible monkey’s paw consequences of said wishes to benifit himself.  Meanwhile Diana is reunited with Steve who for some reason has hyjacked someone elses body, and even has sex with Diana in it which is all kinds of creepy and wrong that we’ll get into soon enough. Meanwhile everyone now notices Barbara.. and she’s also gaining Diana’s powers but slowly loosing her empathy.  Diana eventually finds out with Barba’s help that the stone is dangerous and it’s wishes backfire horribly, while Max continues to gain power with his as Diana chases after him, slowly loosing her own power as her consequence for the wish. You know instead of the fact her lover took someone elses body and life and they have to live with that. Eventually Max gets the power of a soverign nation and the satilte codes off the president, and plans to broadcast himslef the the world to offset his own wish consequence, his body slowly failing, by taking other people’s health.  Steve urges Diana to renounce her wish and give him up to get her power back, she reluctnantly and painfully does so, and then goes after Max. Barbra however has sided with max and has him give her even more power turning her into a cat person as you’d expect. Wonder woman and the now fully cat Cheetah battle, it’s really cool looking, but Diana barely wins. We do get a decent climax with Diana not fighting max, not that she can with how powerful she’s become, but using the lasso of truth to get him to see the damage he’s done, give up and go back to his son. The world is saved Diana is moving on and also Linda Carter is there for some reason. 

So now you have  general idea of what happens, I can dig into the films faults, and it’s one or two strengths, one at a time, ONE AT A TIME. First off the film’s biggest issue by far and one that wouldn’t come through in the recap Padding and Pacing: THIS FILM DID NOT NEED TO BE 2 hrs 41 min

I said it once before but it bears repeating now:

THIS FILM DID NOT NEED TO BE 2 HOURS AND 41 MINUTES LONG

I am a firm belivier a film should be as long or short as it needs to be. If it’s under the standard 90 minutes, that’s cool, if it’s say three hours like avengers endgame that’s cool too. After the theater it’s easy enough to watch it in chunks, and sometimes a film just NEEDS that space and scope. 

This film.. did not need that. This is not the cumilation of 10 years of storytelling, as slapdashidly planned as it was till phase 3, this is a film that feels painfully long to watch due to how padded it is. You could’ve cut those 40 mintues from this film EASILY and while you wouldn’t of had a good film, sadly, you would’ve had a way more enjoyable cheesy superhero movie. I”m tackling this one first because it just.. oozes all over the film. For every great and memorable bit in the movie and every questionable one we’ll get to, for every gloriously so bad it’s good moment... there’s about 10 minutes of scene that did not need to be there. It slows down the film to a crawl and given the original had pitch perfect pacing I do not get how Patty Jenkins screwed this up. 

I do think Patty Jenkins is a good director. I did like the first movie, I do think a lions share of the credit goes to her writing and direction for that one. And a LOT of the sequences in this film are utterly goregously shot and fun to watch. I also, even if I don’t like this film, am extastic she forced the stuido to pay her more money to work on the film, as she deserves as much as any male director, it’s bullshit they tried to short change her, and again she was the reason the first film was so good. She deserved equal fucking pay for making Warner money hand over fist. 

But I also say this because i’m disapointed in HER. She CAN do better, she already did the first time and the only real down spot, the spotty cgi climax, was not her fault. And hell here she did get the climax she wanted, and wrote one hell of one. I”ll go into it more later but the finale of this movie from the pitch perfect fight with cheetah, dodgy face work nonwithstanding, to the final speech to the world is just gorgeous to watch. Even in this mess of a film there are some really good really tightly shot sequences that i’ll get to.. but their broken up by padding and padding nad more padding. This film is bloated, it needed to be edited down but she clearly REFUSED TO, gunshy after the whole Ares thing last time... and thus shot herself in the foot repeadtly. I sitll have some hope for the next movie and Rogue Squadron, but Jenkins rightfully lost any blind faith I had in her this film would be good just as the directors of it chapter 2 lost it by.. making a terrible sequel to a great movie. Given this happened in the span of a year you’d THINK i’d of prepared myself for that.. but no. Sadly.. no. 

But back to the point of this section: the film is just really padded. A lot of it is just scenes going on longer than they need to but there are some specific bits, some recurring others all in one go, that just really get tedious and pad things out. Let’s rattle em off shall we? The Opening: Now the opening is gorgeously shot, and it is nice to see Thymesicra again.. but the sequence is twiece as long as it needed to be, often just devolves into frantic shots of running.. and really dosen’t need to be here. I love Thymesicra, I love Hipolita, I love this damn beautiful island.. but we did not need it for this one. I THOUGHT it was there because the climax would be Max and Barbra invading the island or something.. but no. It has nothing to do with the main plot other than selling the film’s message “Nothing good comes from lies and shortcuts” which is a good message.. but the film already conveys that well. For all it’s flaws it well conveys the fact that the easy way to get what you want ALWAYS comes with a cost. That you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need. So we didn’t need 10 minutes of amazons running around just to make a point that the film already makes and it wreaks of Warner wanting to put the amazons in the film because “that’s what people expect.” 

Steve Trevor Dinking Around for 20 Minutes: I will admit as dumb as it was.. I really loved the Steve Trevor 80′s fashion show. Oh it was dumb.. beyond belieif.. but it’s REALLY hard to hate a good 5 minutes of chris pine putting on stupid 80′s outfits. I do think like a lot of this film it was longer than it needed to be and it defintely needed a good catchy 80′s tune alongside it, just go full bollocks if your doing this, but otherwise it’s just hard not to joy, even if in a so bad it’s good kind of way, this kind of lunacy in a major stuido film

That goodwill died quckily as the next 15 goddamn minutes, 5 for the fashion show which while i liked it did not need to be in the film as long as it was, were just steve getting used to the new world of the 80′s. While I like the idea of Steve now in Diana’s roll as stranger in a strange land, instead of using it cleverly or having him ruminate over all his friends being dead Captain America style or .. a billion other things we could’ve used this time for if you really needed it, we instead just get Steve and Diana farting around for 20 minutes and Chris Pine making stupid faces. Chris Pine deserved better than this. He seems to be a steerling person in his personal life and I seriously doubt he’s done any movie bad enough to have earned this.. I mean he did do Star Trek: Into Darkness but NONE of those films problems were his fault. It’s just really, REALLY terrible, and even more boring in padded in places than this film but without the good bits or the haminess of pedro pascal to make it even remotely watchable. Point is i’m doing a blind look, and this is blind I just came up with tihs bit while I was writing and have not looked at chris pine’s filmography before, to see if there’s anything really bad enough to justify him being put through this buffonery. 

Turns out .. yeah yeah he did. Two films in fact are just bad enough that he did in fact sign on to something bad enough to justify this. There were one or two other contenders but Princess Diaries 2 was earlier in his career, Into The Woods much like Into Darkness was not his fault and honestly if I were offered a part in a glitzy hollywood adaptation of a beloved musical i’d sign on too without heistation, and while Wrinke in Time is kind of a mess, Chris Pine is easily one of the best parts of it.  No the two films that make him DESERVE the goofy terrible fish out of water stuff are this means war, a film I saw throughly savaged by Matthew “Film Brain” Buck, which is about two douchey cia agents competing over a woman without thinking that MAYBE the choice is hers, and also setting up CONSTNAT SURVILENCE over her and basically stalking her to sabatoge each others dates. And while I did mention that review, because it did give context.. even from the trailer I could tell this was sexist, bro douchey, and stupid and wanted no part of it. So yeah signing on this this, post star trek’s success where he had his pick of projects and was at the hight of his fame.. is inexcusable.  The other is just... the kind of embarassing dtv film a person does before they get famous but is so horrendously premised that I still can’t give it to him. Like I get needing work, I do comissions 10 for movies now and 5 for tv show episodes and issues of comics if you were curious, so I understand that.. but even at his most desperate... why would you possibly take... this?

.. wait is that Stephen Tobowsky in the credits? Good god his career is depressing some time.. but at least unlike chris I GET him being in this as he needs money and despite his long and storied career, has to take what he can get. Wheras Chris was a promsing young star who while needing a break, CAN’T of thought this would be remotely sucessful and can’t of paid that well. But since the poster might not convey the premise.. the premise is Chris is a Blind Man looking for love set up on BLIND DATES. 

It sounds like a fucking Adam Sandler film premise. I’m honestly suprised he hasn’t remade this film with himself, david spade, or rob schinder, whose apparently on good terms with him again, god help us all. And DON’T. TELL. HIM. He still hasn’t made that worst film imaginable he promised for getting Snubbed for Uncut Gems. Yes I know, Hubie Halloween came out but that was in production long before the promise and not that bad. Not great, pretty average, but not terrible. Point is do not tempt Adam Sandler to remake this film. He still owes us the worst film he can muster INTENTIONALLY, as Pixels, Rediculous Six, That’s My Boy? That was all him trying to make  GOOD movie. Be afraid be VERY afraid. The other point is this premise is just really bad, REALLY offensive to blind people to make being blind into a stupid punchline, and I.. will probably watch this at some point because i’m bafflingly curious about this terrible terrible thing Chris Pine probably wanted us all to forget about, but will now never have that luxury as long as I live. The Fireworks Scene: This one is just..really dumb. Like really dumb. Every bit of this scene was dumb and we could’ve just.. had them get on a plane to egypt like normal people or steal a jet off screen. So to get to Egypt, Diana and Steve steal a jet which Steve can somehow fly despite decades of progress in how planes work at this point and him not knowing what radar is. He also gets shot ot at because Diana FORGOT, somehow, that radar exists and didn’t tell him. They also steal a jet instead of just taking an airliner or her calling in a favor since while it’s been a good few decades and Etta is sadly long dead, the candy family probably knows and loves her well enough and probably still has some military personal who could pull some strings and bring a jet over from london. It’s a stretch.. but not much more than “let’s steal a plane and hope we don’t die. “

Why this is in the padding section is because we then get a way too long bit of the two flying through a field of fireworks.. which also apparently existed LONG before steve was even born, so I donn’t quite get why he’s so shocked. And while i’ts not a bad CONCEPT for a scene the fact the two are being persued by the military for stealing a jet AND have to get to egypt so urgently they had to steal the jet in the first place lest Max do something horrible, which he ends up doing anyway... to take 10 minutes to gaze at the pretty fireworks. It’s just.. a waste of time in a movie that wasted already too much time. 

Some of the barbra scenes: We’ll dive more into Barbra in a bit, and this is easily the least offesnive on this list, but a lot of the scnees of her discovering her new power could’ve been compressed. There are seperate scenes of her discovering she dosen’t need glasses anymore and picking up a ton of weight at the gym, while in 80′s workout clothes because of course she is. Both of those could’ve been one, either having her pick up something heavy like nothing casually or just having her glasses fall and break at the gym, have some cute guy help her up to help sell the wish making her feel noticed, and realize she don’t need em. It’s minor in comparison, but a good chunk of her plot badly needed to be streamlined. 

And those are just the main offenders. The film’s pacing in general is just attrocious. It takes half an hour for the plot to move along most of the time.. there’ ssome good character stufff but they could’ve better weaved it into the plot and in some Barbra scenes and most of Max’s they DID. It’s just for the most part there’s a lot of repttition of stuff we already knew and figured out and it takes forever for the plot to move to the next phase until the last half hour. And by then my niece was already in the kitchen playing with her new slime having enitrely checked out, my mom was asleep and my brother just wanted this film over already and both of us were only hanging in out of obligation. This film blows most of what little potetial it has taking too damn long to get to the point. As I said it’s fine for a film to be long.. but while Endgame had laggy sections and some of it’s own problems.. it USED the huge runtime effectivey, using the first hour to both show our heroes had truly lost, then to set up the post-time skip world and just what had become of our heroes and their arcs for the movies. The second hour is mostly the time heist, a fun tour through the mcu’s history that also helps progress arcs and the final act is basically one MASSIVE glorious battle featuring every single hero who hadn’t suffered a non-snap related death in one of the best big action scnenes i’ve ever seen. It was well crafted and it’s slower moments were for character stuff and not because they felt the film needed to feel as long as the rest of the year had felt.  But while it was the film’s main flaw and the main reason i’ts bad instead of mediocre..there’s one other massive flaw that utterly sinks the damn film and robs of it of a lot of it’s emotional weight The Character Assassination of Diana Prince:

Now we get to the part that really pisses me off one that was already kinda bad while watching but just got worse the more I thought about it: Diana’s Charcterization here. Despite being flawless in the first film.. here it’s just bad. It’s bad and it should feel bad. I can’t fathom how Jenkins lost touch so badly with the character, and I don’t think the Co-Writer Remotley helped.  The Co-Writer for this film was Geoff Johns, a dc wunderkind whose reinvented the flash, green lantern, the justice society of america and aquaman, all brilliantly. The last one was even largely the basis for his damn fun movie. I have a lot of respect for the man... but like a lot of creators he’s not immune to screwing up and has made a LOT of mistakes, the biggest being forcing Cyborg away from the titans and into the justice league not for diversity’s sake like he probably claims.. but really because he didn’t want to use John Stewart instead of Hal Jordan, who he has an odd obession with i’ve never gotten, something the incoming writer of Green Lantern, Geoffry Throne, turns out to have complained about for years, as well as apparnetly giving out about Jordan SO MANY TIMES, that an entire artcle was made revealing this... and I’m perfectly fine with that as it should be clear I don’t like Hal Jordan all that much and while he’s been in some good runs, the other earth lanterns are FAR more intersting than him and far more unique. Thankfully the new series seems to be focusing on multiple of them and while hal seems to be getting some focus, Simon and Jessica are the main stars of modern day. So hell yeah to that. Let’s get back to the actual point. 

The point being that one of his weaknesses as a writer.. is he really dosen’t get Wonder Woman. He just dosen’t. During Justice League he wrote her as a violent warrior and during Infinite Crisis, as expertly pointed out by LInkara during his review of it a few years back, he had her “not understand what being human is” .. despite this being at the SAME TIME as that Greg Rucka run I mentioned, meaning at the time of Inifnite Crisis, she had her own embassy for her people set up, had written a book, and had just spent a good chunk of that run trying to free an old friend who’d been brainwashed into a psychotic killing machine from her mechanical inhancments killing her and driving her insane. She willingly blinded herself with fucking snake venom to save the world from Medusa’s gaze and avenge a child THEN went on a long and arduous quest for the gods simiply to ressurect said child, with no intent of getting her sight back and only getting it back because Athena willingly gave hers up for being so noble. She is someone who is compatsionate, empathetic and noble. Not a kill happy warrior who loves fighting and blood. She fights because she has to, she does not hesitate and she does kill when needed.. but she is not some weird enigma to humanity. She’s throughly human despite being made of clay and not raised among regular humans. She’s a person, and Geoff just dosen’t get that. He get Superman, the flash, batman, other heroes just fine. He redefined aquaman well like I said. But for some damn reason he just dosen’t get Diana and can’t get a good grasp on her and while a good choice of co writer for practically any other dc movie and a good choice to right the ship for the dceu, he was the second possible worst choice to handle this character and likely is at least partially responsible for her character taking such a nosedive. By the way just in case you think better of him for only being second worst.. this is the worst. 

Yes that actually happened.. thankfully not in the main canon and likely because Frank Miller really REALLY needs to get some help. 

Point is he was a bad choice and while I still give Patty Jenkins some discredit for helping with this, I do feel Geoff easily could’ve agreed with or came up with some of the worse ideas here without really thinking them through because this simply isn’t a character he cares about what happens to her or knows that well.  Things START fine: in present day we get a pretty fun action sequence in a mall with what my brother called Dollar Store Micheal Keaton.. but because Max was already perfectly cast, there wasn’t room for this screen legend. Plus he was probably busy shooting Morbius for.. whatever his role is there. I hope it’s the vulture. My point is DSMK is delightfully hammy and weird and helps kick up an already fun mall sequence.. while I was apparnetly the ONLY one who enjoyed this cheesy but awesome sequence in my family aside from my niece, she hadn’t rightfully checked out at this point, I still love it. It does bring up the slight problem of Diana being active years before... but given The Suicide Squad with it’s vast colorful cast of supervillians and the fact the freaking Justice Society are getting introdcued and given their gimmick even if WWII isn’t involed this time they had to have been active for some time before they presumibly vanished. My point is the whole Zack Snyder thing of “Metahumans are new and you should fear them” has been quitely retconned out and this will all likely be explained with the whole flashpoint thing... (Shudders).. not the retcon the DCEU needs a good coat of paint and unlike the XCU I dont think their going to waste a second chance, I just want a flash film that’s actually about barry and not another adaptation of a storyline few people liked ot start with. Point is that’s not really a huge issue and I prefer DIana being active than the implication she did nothing and her doing small bits of heroisim, like saving a woman from getting hit by a car or resucing pets and bigger ones like the mall just .. fell like Diana. It’s all downhill from there though. For starters there’s Barbra. It starts well: Diana is the only person to not only notice Barbra but treat her nice, and the two strike up a friendship.. which I honeslty wish was more as there was a lot of potetial there and both have great chemistry, not to mention showing Diana’s bisexuality on screen would be a really damn good move forward for representation, but that’s more on me and given how homophobic big companies can be, i’m unsuprised Warner wouldn’t let Patty take that route. 

Point is it starts well enough.. but instead of the two actually having a deep freindship and possible relationship that is heartbreaking when it’s broken.. Diana just sort of forgets about her except when she needs her for the plot, and thus what should’ve been an emotionally breaking subplot leading to an utterly heartbreaking fight at the climax.. was just Diana being a dick, taking advantage of someone, and then getting a bit self righteous when the person you basically abandoned and didn’t notice made a wish till it was too late wants to keep the one thing that’s ever made her feel special. 

It dosen’t help the comics did this whole thing better and is likely where Jenkins got the inspiration: During Rebirth Barbara Minvera was converted from a vicious ruthless bitch and a half, if still a brilliant character, to a tragic figure: one who while a bit cold and standofish, was genuinely diana’s friend, tricked into thinking she was abandoned, then became the bride of a horrifying god who punsiheed her for the “crime”.. of not being a virgin. While removing the whole cat god thing is understandable.. they removed pretty much everything that made that intresting and Rucka worked hard to make for a cliche “Nerd becomes evil” plot that’s been done a milion times nad makes dsiana look horrible.  But while this is bad.. it PALES in comparisoin to the elephant in the room here. 

No no elephant sweetie not wild pig. No.. it’s once Diana makes her wish on the magical wishing stone form the trickster god.. and brings steve back. See her bringing him back only for her to have to give him up to save the world.. that’s not bad. It’s a great way to bring chris pine back, ratchet up tension and ultimately give her proper closure for steve so she can move on.  The problem.. is HOW steve comes back and how the movie handles that. Steve comes back.. by possesing some random guy. That itself is not a bad idea, as while it’s weird, A) I’m a weirdo and proud of it so i’mf ine with weird and B) it gives us a price to the wish like the other wishes: steve comes back.. but he has to take someone else’s life to do so. Diana has to sacrifice an innocent man she dosen’t know anything about in order to get her happy ending. That could’ve lead to some great drama, with Diana realizing how wrong this is and forcing herself to give him up with Steve’s blessing, as Steve would likewise not feel right about this. He could’ve had family or a girlfriend or something that were jeaporadzied if Diana kept Steve.  The problem.. is they handled it horribly. really horribly. Diana and Steve.. almost NEVER mention the fact that he’s basically taken a life. They don’t ask if the guy is dead, they don’t ask who he was and they don’t try to find a way to get him a new body or a dying one or some other ghost can’t do it style shenanigan. And the fact i’m comparing this subplot to ghost can’t do it should tell you this is very bad. And it gets worse as the two have sex.. and whiel I dind’t think about it while watching the movie... afterwords? Yeah.. that’s.. that’s rape. The guy didn’t consent to letting them use his body. Now granted if Steve could leave the body at willand the guy was like “Sure why not” then that’d be fine.. but he has no way of consenting. Sure STEVE did.. but this ain’t his property. This isn’t his body to decide who he fucks. It’s random guy whose body he stole. Hell they didn’t even stop to consider if this guy might be gay which given Diana is bisexual makes no goddamn sense. So that’s another possible layer of wrong on this sundae of what the actual hell. I mean.. how do you bungle writing so bad your main character ends up as a rapist? That’s a special kind of incompetence in 2020 I tell you. 

It just turns Diana from a kind noble woman who looks out for everyone.. into a creepy asshole who willingly sacrifices some guy she dosen’t know, something a well written Diana would NEVER do, to get what she wants. This is not diana prince. This is “out of the way sperm bank” levels of charactera assasination” and the fact steve has to talk her into letting him go just makes it worst. Diana here is selifhs, unsympathetic and terrible and it brings the whole film down despite Gal Godot’s best efforts to try and make this work. She fails.. but it’s not on her as an actress, she’s terrific, but on the writing for Diana being so bad. She just comes off as selfish and irredemible and i’ts horrifying to see. As one last note Steve is reduced to more of a cutout this time, so any possible emotinal weight not already destroyed by the rape is entirley missing. Just good god they did Diana dirty for this one. And it dosen’t help her villians.. are done much better. Speaking of..

Barbra: A Mixed Cat Out of a Mixed Bag As the title should make clear Barbra is kind of a mixed bag. On the one hand.. Kristin Wiig is fantastic. Like holy crap I had some small doubts about her being cast in the role but she nailed both the sweet put upon nerd at the start and the ruthless individual desperate to stay special at the end really well and the reason her scenes aren’t as draggy despite a lot being padding are Wiig just really sells the transformation, going from being giddy at a sudden influx of attention to feeling powerful.. to feeling dangerous and being deseprate to do whatever it takes to hold onto her power and being furious when she looses it.  The problem is.. it’s all in the acting. Writing wise the story is horribly cliche. It’s why her having feelings for Diana was a suggestion that popped into my head: that’s actually intresting. A put upon nerd who envy’s a hero but ends up instead resenting them and wanting to kill them isn’t new. Amazing Spider-Man 2, which I thankfully haven’t seen but has that plot, Incredibles, and the one that the movie steals from the most.. Batman Returns. While wanting to kill the hero wasn’t part of that one, the whole “blonde whose still attractive even before the makeover has some supernatural thing happen to her and turns into an extrovert with a cat motif who is determined to take what she wants despite the cost.” While i’ts not 1 for 1, mostly becasue Catwoman actually had a romantic relationship with the hero, it’s REALLY hard to ignore just how much it seems to curb from Returns. And I haven’t even seen the movie the whole way through, just about half, really need to, not the point. Point is, it just feels like a rehash of a better done version of the plot.  And the sad part is the comics GAVE Patty and Geoff two much better versions that could’ve followed the same path. Pre-Rebirth/Flashpoint, she was a ruthless woman from the getgo and simply could’ve been that, being friends with Diana.. but being too selfish and envious to truly let her in and thus relishing in her new power and showing off who she really was. The other, and better option for the narrative is the previously mentioned rebirth one: A sarcastic and hard but likeable woman who has had to scrape and claw to do what she loves, which is archelogy, despite her father being vastly against it because he’s a dick. Someone who through tragic misunderstanding becomes a tragic monster. That latter version would’ve fit in perfectly, having her like diana and just want to be her.. but a combination of her own inseucrites and the stone strip away her empathy and increase her jealousy and Diana neglecting her could’ve been a concious choice: Diana being too busy with steve and stopping max to see what was happening and thus be heartbroken to fight her true friend. Instead we just get.. catwoman but less good. Wiig tries her best and often succeeds but even she can’t really fix this.  It also dosen’t help that selfishness aside.. Barbra is far more sympathetic. She’s contantly put upon and ignored by her cowowkres nad even her boss, who oftne forgets she works there, and finally meets someone who seems to care.. onlyf or that person to ignore her and go off and have adventures and really horribly implicated sex. So she wishes to be like this person, to be confident and loved and able to walk in heels and strong and gets it and slowly looses who she was to it. Hell the moment where she apparently CROSSES THE LINE by possibly killing some guy.. is entirely ruined by picking the wrong target. Instead of it being her boss or one of her co workers who mockeda nd humilated her.. i’ts the same guy who tried to assault her out for revenge. She’s beating up.. a bad person. She’s doing what Diana would do in a good way..

Sure she does take a turn for the evil, after hearing about the wishing stone destroying civilizations.. she sides with max.. but she’s still more sympathetic. Her resintment of Diana which should just be the meta commentary Jenkins intended on relationships between women where it becomes competitive due to societal bullshit, instead comes off justifed. Diana abandoned her, Diana is also being selfish with her wish, diana raped a man, Diana wants Max to stop.. but has to be TALKED into letting her wish go. While Diana is trying to save the world you can’t fault Barbra for not trusting her. For someone who preaches honesty, all Diana is to Barbra is a liar. While she does side with Max who earlier manipualted her by seducing her and stealing the stone... she KNOWS he’s not a great person, and this time instead of being the used, she’s the user. She knows he can make her even STRONGER, knows he can let her keep being who she wants to be if not BETTER, and knows he needs someone on his side.. and knows he won’t screw her over with her wish since he needs Diana off his back to become powerful enough to face her. Barbra comes off as cunning, manipulative and way more likeable than the hero, instead of the tragic villian she was inteded as. If nothing else, if she shows up in the sequel I will watch it even after this one was pretty damn bad and hopefully sh’ell be better written next time to match Wiig’s hard work. Now.. i’ve saved the best for last as while i’ve compalined a lot.. there is ONE aspect of the film that is genuinely good and while I get not everyone liked it.. Is urea s hell did

Maxwell Lord: Perdo Pascal Saves this film by eating the set whole like galactus. 

Maxwell Lord.. is the best part of this movie. Easily. Unlike the other main characters, he’s written well, acted well if hammy as all hell, and is true to the comics. Part of this I freely admit is that when I heard Max was a villian here I expected none of his JLI version to survivie. I should explain.. in the comics Max is defined by two diffrent phases of how he was written; The first was in Giffen and Demattis run on justice league, which was more of an action comedy with emphasis on the comedy> There was still serious stuff and villians to face, it’s just our heroes were a bunch of likeable misfits and b-list heroes doing their best while cracking jokes and disfunctionally clashing with one another. It’s good stuff.  Max was the heart of that: a selfish manipulative buisness man who grew to like the league and rebelled against the robot intellegence that got him that far, earning him a fair spot on the team. Sure he was a sleazy, shady 80′s buisness man, but he has a good heart underneath the opprotunsitic nature. 

Come the run up to infinite crisis despite being a metahuman, he started irationally hating metahumans, claimed to have always hated them, and set up a vast conspriacty to kill em all. He also hyjacked superman, which lead to Wonder Woman being forced to snap his neck and being booed for it by superman despite the fact you know.. she was trying to stop him from killing batman and had no other cohice. The rest of the world got the clip out of context.. but even then she’d already killed months ago for the medusa thing I mentioned before, and despite Medusa only speeking ancient greek, the world, which tihs was broadcast too hence the danger of medusa killing trillions of viewers watching at home, they got the context that Wonder Woman was the good guy and was killing for good reason. It was just.. kind of stupid even if Rucka did his best with it is what i’m saying. 

Point is there were two maxes: the sleazy and manipulative but well meaning buisness man and semi-con man and the manipulative but well intentioned master mind. So the movie.. combined both beautifully. He’s a manipulator as always, having set up a ponzi scheme and getitng called out on it by what turned out to be Simon Stagg.. who for some reason is the virtious if assholish buisness man here despite in the comcis being an utterly corrupt asshole constnatly ttrying to prevent his daughter from marrying this guy

This is Metamorpho, the element man, archelogist Rex Mason who thanks to the orb of Ra turned into this guy, an embodiment of the elments who can transmute his body into anything on the perodic table. Why HE hasn’t been in a movie yet his nemisis now has been is beyond me and there are better dc businessmen to have used. 

Point is this Max is shady, ambitious and sleazy.. and badly failing his scheme falling around him. But his reason for wanting to be a rich, powerful man after growing up a poor immigrant.. is utterly symapthetic. He has a son in this adaptation and wants to make him proud. I’ts CLEARLY not his only motivation, he also just wants to be proud and the finale reveals hsi father was abusive, and his classmmates alienated him for being an immigrant. He has a chip on his shoulder due to having a rough life and just wanting his moment in the sun. It makes Max relatable: His actions are NOT okay but we get why he merges with the wishing stone: because this is his shot. And most of the people he fucks over with his wishes.. are bad people. he cons some good people sure but Stagg is an asshole and the prince he cons wants to kick foreigners out of his homeland. Max, like Barbra, while not a GOOD person still is more likeable than diana.  He just.. feels like Max. He’s what Max could’ve been if he gave into the power instead of fighting against it. If he'd teamed up with the alien robot thing to take over the world instead of resiting it. So while he’s a bad guy like he’s been sadly turned into in the comics.. he feels like a CONVINCING version of Max as a bad guy. Like he genuinely turned evil of his own will and his own ambition. 

It also helps he’s written compitently. Unlike Diana, whose entirely miswritten to a point NO amount of good acting and no amount of Gal Godot’s talents could save, and Barbra, whose great but only because her character had too little to be great but just enough to give Kristin Wiig room to work with Gal simply did not have. Seriously I feel terrible for Gal Godot, she’s a genuinely talented actress and a genuinely kind and great person whose a LOT like Diana herself when written properly.  But Pedro Pascal? Since his character isn’t too badly written, and he has room to work.. he’s allowed to just be awesome. Since I haven’t watched the Mandolorian yet, I know, I KNOW, trust me.. I KNOWWW. But since I hadn’t this was my first proper exposure to Pedro Pascal..and his talent speaks for himself. In a weak movie, he is the shining star.  He’s also hammy as shit, but it WORKS because the film is redicouls. The Wishin Rock plot line and Max merging with it.. it’s bonkers. But he has just the right mix of bonkers hammy acting that’s fun to watch, and actual character work in the ham. He’s eating the scenery hand over fist, utterly devouring it.. but it fits the character as while Max was more of a subtle ham, a guy who just radiated smug and who more got into histornics when things went tits up like the time Blue Beetle and Booster Gold took the JLU’s funds to build an island resort on an island that turned out to be sentient and didn’t like that much and yes, all of that happened and it was as funny as it sounds. Point is being a showman whose always on, always talking and always got a plan.. that’s Maxwell Fucking Lord, and Pascal’s over the top acting fits that kind of character like a glove. 

It also fits the film well: the film comes off more like a 2000′s superhero film, one that takes itself super seriously.. but is really, REALLY goofy in places. It honest to god feels like one of the Sam rami spider-man films, ones I REALLY need to revisit and the results of that you’ll likely see, but without the self awarness rami had.. for the first two I mean by the third with the whole saturday night fever sequence, he’d really lost it. Love the guy though, still need to watch Army of Darkness and yes you may boo me.  Point is the film is bonkers and cheesy and dosne’t realize it but Pascal does so he just.. has fun with it. His haminess when asking someone for a wish, his great ways of reversing those wishes so he benifits from the consequences, taking them off the board while furthring his own goals. Max is just.. awesome, and so is pascal. He got a life long fan in me from this performance. And of all people he took his inspriation from Nick Cage which is a perfect fit as Cage is fucking great at acting absolutely batshit while still acting his ass off. Pascal really deserves full credit for this film for more than just being lovingly over the top. He’s genuinely good.

And that shines through greatly in the climax. First off the final fight between Cheetah and Wonder Woman is awesome.. just one of the best superhero fights i’ve seen on film and i’ve seen some whoppers. Great back and forth, great coreography and brutal intensitiy the whole way through with Diana being forced to possibly kill Barbra despite not wanting to hurt her. Just a hell of one. But the real centerpice is the wish vortex. Pascal just drops all pretense and goes ultra instinct ham, just letting it all hang out as he ascneds to god hood... but how he’s beaten.. is easily the most brilliant part of the film and one of the few times Gal Godot genuinely gets to show off her talent in this one: Wonder Woman defeats the bad guy not with brute force, not that she can, or some cool fight.. though we did get the cool fight too so that’s nice.. she simply uses her head and her heart. She uses her head by taking advantage of the fact max is broadcasting to the world, as villians tend to, and giving his bogus offers to whoevers listneting. So Diana counters this.. by simply speakking from the heart, enrouging those watching not to give in and to renounce the wish.. so the consequences can be renounced too. Even if it’s hard, even if it costs you.. what your doing will cost others so much more. And she finsihses this by using the Lasso of Truth on max, making him tear down his delusions about himself and see that his actions, which have caused world war III by the way as he maniupated the president.. who for some reason was not Regan. While Regan was a bastard.. that’s exactly the reason I wanted hi mthere as this film would’ve been better had one of the parts of the climax been Diana fighting a 50 foot tall rouge ronald regan. Admit it you’d see that in theaters if it was safe to go. 

POint is max sees he’s only HURTING his son, that this is for HIM not for his boy.. and that if he dosen’t let this power go, if he dosen’t just accept a peaceful life and let the world spin the way it’s supposed to and not emplode jus tso he can be a god... his son will be gone. So he gives it up and goes back to his boy in a touching moment. Though for some reason his son somehow got from Max’s office to the middle of a fucking highway. How is he not dead? I dunno we’re almost done here. Point is max is easily the highlight of the film and the reason it’s not ALL horrible along with Barbra.  Final Thoughts: Wonder Woman 1984.. is a disapointment. What I thought would be an easy film of the year contender.. instead ended up being an ungodly mess with unfortunate implications, a messy slapped together plot and WAYYYYY too much filler. As I said it had it’ sbright spots especially max and barbra.. but hte ultimate product is WAYYYY less than Patty Jenkins is capable of and since a third film is apparently inevitible, I can only hope next time she learns from this and does better. Also get Pedro Pascal his own Justice League international series as Max’s grandson or something YESTERDAY. Seriously even people who didn’t like this film would love it and it’s not like he can’t do this between seasons of Mando. He did We Can Be Heroes for god’s sake.. which was somehow a better film than this one. I guess 2020 had to disapoint me one last time huh? Well we’re in a new year now... and hopefully the Suicide Squad won’t also be a huge diapointment. If you enjoyed this lnog rant on a movie from a week or two ago, follow me for more. I’m currently doing retrospectives on the life and times of scrooge mcduck, scott pilgrim, grant morrisons new x-men, and i’m soon going to finish up a Darkwing Duck one focusing on Just us Justice ducks. And once they come back this year I plan on reguarlly covering Ducktales, Loud House, Owl House, Amphibia, and Final Space. So keep an eye out for that and until then, Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye. 

[promptmaker]

Sinfully Nalu Prompt suggestions.

Here are suggestions for the Sinfully NaLu event prompts! If you want to use one, let me know and I can cross it out if you want. If none of these work for you but you still want an idea for the prompt, let me know and I can try to help!

1. Biting/Fangs/Teeth:  Now that Natsu and Lucy are together, Natsu has taken a liking to “marking” Lucy by leaving bite marks all over her. Though she enjoys it, it is a source of constant teasing from the other FT ladies whenever they bathe together. So she devises a way to get back at Natsu and leave some marks of her own. With research help from Levy, Lucy finds a spell that temporarily gives her fangs like Natsu. Next time they are alone together, they take great pleasure in marking each other up.

2. Biting/Fangs/Teeth: While fixing Natsu’s favorite spicy meal, Lucy spills some on herself after he sneaks up on her. Before she can get mad, Natsu is already licking the mess off of her. Liking the taste, he decides to make a meal out of Lucy instead.

3. Public Sex:  (Post Series) Fairy Tail is participating in the Grand Magic games yet again and are doing well. Natsu and Lucy are participating this year and after a few successful wins, they decide to celebrate in the team locker room.

4. Public Sex: During a stay at a fancy onsen,Lucy and Natsu indulge in a night of drinking at the bar after a dip in the hotspring. Unsurprisingly, Lucy becomes a bit tipsy and starts becoming extra  flirty and handsy with Natsu.  So he decides to end their night of drinking early and take Lucy back to their room to give her what she wants. Or he tries too but the place is big and gets lost. Lucy loses her patience and kisses Natsu against a wall and says she can’t wait anymore and they could go at it right then and there if they need to. Natsu is surprised but thrilled at her suggestion. Since it's late and the hallway is deserted, they go for it and Natsu takes her against the wall there.

5. Public Sex: Natsu and Lucy sneak off during a break at one of her book signings to have some fun at the back of the book store.

6. Public Sex: After starting the latest bar fight at the guild, Natsu is tasked with cleaning the FT pool as punishment. He manages to drag Lucy along to help him. But they can only see each other scantily clad and working up a sweat for so long before they go at it right in the pool.

7. Public Sex: (Modern AU)  Natsu and Lucy are enjoying a comic convention that they go to every year. Dressed up in cosplay the two wander the main hall and get quite a bit of attention due to their sexy cosplay. When Lucy gets a little too much attention, Natsu drags her off the main floor and finds a quiet place for a quickie.

8. Public Sex: When Lucy tells Natsu he can pick their next date location she knew she was asking for trouble and he confirms her fears by taking her to a nude beach. When she realizes he picked the location specifically to fluster her she decides two can play at that game and the two tease each other the entire time they are there. They of course get carried away and sneak somewhere hidden to go at it before they get caught.   Afterward Lucy realizes that she really had fun there and is open to returning.  Also works under the Secret prompt.  (Old Prompt)

9. Dirty Talk/Texting  Natsu and Lucy have been together for a couple of months now and can’t keep their hands off each other. It gets so bad that Lucy’s friends need to drag her away for some girl time at a spa/onsen. NaLu secretly keeps in touch via text and face time throughout Lucy’s trip but things escalate when a drunken and flirty Lucy starts sending Natsu risque pics and texts throughout her time there.   Their escapades end with a video chat session that turns steamy.  (Old Prompt)

10. Dirty talk/Sexting: After nearly destroying half a town during a mission, Natsu is brought before the magic council for the standard lecture. During which he mostly ignores them and texts Lucy under the table. To tease her, he makes the topic dirty and about the things they’ll do together when he gets home. But she takes him by surprise by making the conversation even dirtier and soon Natsu has another problem under the table.

11. Dirty Talk/Sexting:  Lucy and Natsu want to spice things up their sex life and they think adding dirty talk will help. They both do their own research on what they think sexy dirty talk will sound like (Lucy from the library/Levy, Natsu from the older FT guys). After their research they get together to put it to the test with… interesting results.

12. Dirty Talk/Sexting: Lucy is away on a week long photo shoot while Natsu is at home recovering from an injury. When he complains to her that he is bored, she decides to start sending him pictures of her in various sexy outfits she is wearing for the shoot. The messages between them become sexier and devolve into Natsu telling her what he wants to do to her and Lucy sending even more sexy/nude pics to instigate him (Optional: Lucy has a lady friend help her take the pics.)

13. Wedding night/Wedding:  Natsu and Lucy’s dream wedding is not going as expected. Natsu sees Lucy too early, the half the guests are delayed by a storm, there are issues with the food ect. So Natsu and Lucy find an empty room at the venue (or wherever the wedding takes place) and have a quiet moment together and are just glad they have each other. The tender moment quickly turns mischievous when one of them suggests a quickie to take the edge off. They are of course accidentally caught on camera by the wedding photographer.

14. Wedding Night/Wedding: NaLu have just gotten married and have just arrived at their hotel room to “celebrate”. Throughout the day, Natsu has been teasing Lucy that she looked great in her dress but he was going to burn it off her once they are alone and to his surprise she does encourage him to burn it off. Revealing that there was a spell on the dress that burned it off without hurting her and that she was wearing flame themed lingerie underneath. Now the fun can really begin.  (Lucy can switch out her actual wedding dress with this one before the scene takes place. I doubt she would burn the real thing.)

15. Snowed in/Trapped: Natsu and Lucy are stuck at home after several days of heavy snow. With Natsu crawling up the wall from boredom, Lucy makes a suggestion. With the help of Virgo and Natsu’s magic, they use the excess snow to create an impromptu hot spring in their backyard. As a challenge from Natsu, they two streak nude across the rest of the snow in their yard to get to the spring. An extra excuse to cuddle for warmth once they get there. Which of course leads to other things.

16. Snowed In/Trapped: A huge snow storm has blocked all the roads and has made a mess on the Dragneel household, so Natsu and Lucy spend their morning clearing the surrounding snow. Natsu of course starts a snowball fight that ends with him putting snow down Lucy’s shirt and her using Aquarius in retaliation. Now both thoroughly soaked, the two head inside, strip down, and must think of some creative ways to “warm up”.

17. Marking/Mating/Ritual:  An attempt to get Natsu’s DS mating cycle under control backfires when the spell that is supposed to calm him down, just gives his mating urges to Lucy instead. Now he must tend to her every need for 72 hours until the spell passes.

18. Marking/Mating/Ritual: After Lucy and Natsu get married, they are offered a rare honor by the Celestial Spirit King to perform a special mating ritual in the Celestial World. During this ritual their souls temporarily merge and it's supposed to be a deep bonding experience. Other future benefits is that they can share magic when they need to and can sense where the other is any time. They are given their own special villa to stay at where they can perform the ritual and not have to worry about their energy draining or losing time while in the Celestial World.

19. Starting a Family:  (Edolas)  Lucy Ashley is pregnant with her and Natsu Doragion’s first child and her sex drive is through the roof. So before he goes on his next solo mission, she is sure to get as much out of him as she can. He is more than happy (and a bit scared) to help.

20. Starting a Family: Natsu and Lucy have been in a friends with benefits relationship for quite some time, too afraid of ruining their friendship if they were to take things further. But when Natsu gets Lucy pregnant, they must figure out what their new relationship is going to be and how they are going to start a family together.

21. Massage/Masseuse: (Modern AU): Lucy has been visiting a massage parlor frequently lately (either for stress relief or for Physical Therapy). But mostly she goes there to flirt with her favorite masseuse, Natsu. He likes to flirt back too but attempts to be professional about it. Until eventually the sexual tension between them snaps and they go at it then and there.   (Roles can be flipped)

22. Massage/Masseuse: When Natsu takes a bad hit during a mission, he needs healing ointment rubbed onto his body regularly for a week. His girlfriend Lucy is happy to help him with this and they both indulge in a Nurse/Patient role-play they’ve been wanting to try.

23. Massage/Masseuse (Minor Hero’s/Edens Zero crossover): Lucy and Natsu are visiting the Edens Zero crew on their ship. When the crew becomes preoccupied with something, they encourage Natsu and Lucy to indulge in the bath and massage room. Which they gladly do. After their bath the two head to the massage room where Natsu plans on giving Lucy the rub down of her life!

24. Magic: (Whip) Lucy has gotten a new electrical whip. When Natsu puts them in the red again for being too destructive on a mission, she decides he needs to be punished. So next time they are intimate, she introduces the whip in the bedroom (Natsu is into this. She uses it to tie him up, lightly shock/stimulate him, and spanking (or whatever the writer wants.)

25. Magic: (X-Ray Glasses) Lucy gives Natsu magic glasses before a mission, telling him it's important that he wears them and it will help find what they are looking for.  What he doesn’t know is that they are actually Magic X-Ray Glasses. As revenge for an earlier prank done on her, Lucy enchants them to only work on her so Natsu can see through her clothes throughout the mission. But he can’t do anything about it with their teammates there (glasses could also be magically stuck to his face for a while), so he has to suffer his mate intentionally teasing him throughout the day until they finally get some alone time at an inn, where he pounces her and they both get some much needed release.

26. Magic: (Pleasure) NaLu are exposed to a “Pleasure” spell from a dark mage during a mission. They are forced to leave the dark mage in the care of their teammates as they scurry off to find a secluded area where they can work off the spell.   (Pleasure spell like Laracade’s, that sends a person into a heightened pleasured state until they reach completion with someone.)  (Old Prompt)

27. Magic: (Clones)  When Lucy makes the mistake of asking Cana what to get Natsu for his birthday, Cana crudely reveals that she has a new multiply card that can multiply anyone she touches with it and she convinces Lucy it would be a great bedroom surprise for Natsu. (Can also be given to Natsu)   (Old Prompt)

28. Magic: (Transform)  NaLu are at home practicing transformation magic for a mission. Once they get the hang of it they start having some fun with it. But once one (or both) of them find a transformation that the other finds too desirable for the other to ignore, the real fun can begin. (Bunny or Cat girl Lucy? Dragon Lord Natsu?  Whatever the writer wants!)  (Old Prompt)

29. Magic: (Invisibility) Natsu convinces Lucy to use a leftover invisibility potion to help him with some pranks at the guild. They quickly realize what other sexual mischief they can get up to at the guild now that  they won’t get caught.

30. Magic: (Unison Raid) While Natsu and Lucy are having an intense intimate moment, they activate a unison raid by accident. But instead of causing destruction, it amplifies everything they are feeling together.

[hellsbellschime]

i follow you cuz of GOT but i always see you talking about klaus mikaelson who is that?

Ohhh boy, little Klausy boo boo. Let me tell you a story about a fairy tale that turned into a nightmare. 

So once upon a time I was a wee young lass who loved The Vampire Diaries quite a bit. But then this fellow named Klaus Mikaelson was introduced at the end of season 2 and I was a smitten kitten. He was a vampire, he was a werewolf, he was a maniac, he was everything a girl could ever want from a psycho villain. As his character arc continued to blaze across the sky like a shooting star leaving a trail of blood and champagne in his wake, my obsession only grew. I knew that I couldn’t contain my love for Klaus within my own frail body, my thoughts and passion were so great that I needed to find a brethren to share it with. And after searching the highest mountains and deepest valleys, I finally found a fandom on tumblr where I could shriek and cry and act the fool like the rabid fangirl I was. 

Klaus was on the show from season 2 to season 4, and he was a goddamn masterpiece. He was so great that by the time his arc had concluded in season 4, it was because he was getting his own whole ass spinoff show, along with the rest of his siblings, who made up the Original vampires (that’s right, he wasn’t just a werewolf and vampire, he was one of the first vampires ever created). I felt that I had already ascended to fangirl heaven just by virtue of discovering Klaus in the first place, but now the knowledge that I was going to get an hour of my favorite character every single week basically shot me straight into hyperspace. I could not fathom what kind of Gandhi ass motherfucker I had been in a past life to deserve such a gift in this one. Oh, but wait, shocking twist!

Towards the end of season 4, Klaus randomly had sex with an irrelevant guest character who was going to be on the spinoff series. It was confusing, it was weird, but what could possibly go wrong. Well anon, a fucking lot. 

So he got his bone on with this random werewolf lass, and then the backdoor pilot came. And lo and behold, this literal dead man had gotten said werewolf lass pregnant. Which was weird. Even weirder than the sex part. It was extremely weird. I wish I could take you back in time to see tumblr liveblogs of this so you could understand just quite how weird it was. 

But was I disheartened like many of my other fandom compatriots?! NAY. Because despite this very abrupt fishtail into crazytown, the creator of my favorite character’s spinoff would not shut the fuck up about the fact that this spinoff was going to be like a vampire version of Game of Thrones. Which, EVEN BETTER. IT’S MY FAVORITE CHARACTER AND MY FAVORITE SHOW COMBINED INTO ONE. 

So the show began and I fully prepared myself to freebase fangirl heroin every single week, because instead of having to sit around during every TVD episode waiting for Klaus to show up, he’d be in nearly every goddamn scene. But... impending fatherhood had changed him. Changed him quite drastically. To be honest, my badass, maniacal, charming, downright fucking evil beauty of a beast sort of transformed into a weepy, weak willed simp the minute the pregnancy test turned blue. The pregnancy was really the focal point of the show, and Klaus was the person who sat there and cried over it every single episode. 

BUT DID I GIVE UP HOPE?! ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. BECAUSE IT’S VAMPIRE GAME OF THRONES. IT’S KLAUS’ SHOW. IT’S THE DREAM OF DREAMS AND IT ONLY DIES IF YOU LET IT. 

So, because I’m a Game of Thrones super fan and a Klaus super fan I just know that this is all some insane ruse and everything is going to come crashing down sooner or later, and Klaus is going to come back and be bigger and badder than ever. So I spend a whole season watching the show, being the butt of the joke of my fandom because the show is fucking god awful and Klaus has completely and utterly transformed into the kind of character that you’d see on The Eric Andre Show if he was trying to do a parody of Twilight. 

And while I’m expecting this weird pregnancy plot to come to it’s conclusion soon enough, it does not. It actually lasts the entire season. Including the backdoor pilot, it lasts more than a year of real time. BUT DID I LOSE MY FAITH. NO. 

So I kept pressing on in a show that was a shitshow and in a fandom that devolved into a war zone over this nonsense, because I knew this was vampire Game of Thrones. Shit was about to get real any minute now. And do you want to know what happened dear anon? Shit did not get real. 

Klaus’ werewolf lass had his baby and he cried like a baby and he named that baby Hope, and in that moment my friend, something broke in me that could never be repaired. It was the moment that I realized that daddy did not just go out for cigarettes. Old Yeller did not go out and live out the rest of his days on a beautiful farm. That single word, hope, so ironically knocked the wind out of the last card holding up the fragile house of cards that was my psyche. Klaus Mikaelson was never, ever coming back, and I, the fool, the simp, the most ferocious devotee, was a mere fangirl phantom, a revenant devotee to a god that had been slaughtered ages ago and I was the lone clown left worshiping it. 

The destruction of Klaus was so great, so heartbreaking, so incomprehensible in it’s Eldritch horror beauty and terror, that even narrative collapses of GoT season 8 proportions were like the soft ripples after being hit by a tsunami. To look upon the flawlessness and hideousness of Klaus Mikaelson is to look into the void and see only your own face staring back at you. To love Klaus Mikaelson is to know that god exists, and know that he has not chosen you. That is who Klaus Mikaelson is, my dear anon.

[bellamymfblake]

Okay I’m finally watching 714:

- Clarke crying looks fake and forced do you think Eliza did shitty acting to spite the shitty plot lmao

-Octavia would’ve punched Clarke in the throat but okay. I love that Clarke kind of flinched when Octavia stepped closer to her.

-why does Echo say “we lost him a long time ago” when it was like 3 days ago?

-oh but that Bellamy’s favorite girls hug just made me cry

-I can’t believe everyones just like “yeah alright”

-I looked down to eat my food and missed Bob’s name being ripped off the credits lmao

-uhh Clarke destroying the helmet is out of character.

-IM ANNOYED. CLARKE HAS BEEN DEVOLVING FOR A WHOLE SEASON AND THERES ONLY 2 EPISODES AFTER THIS TO FINISH THE STORY IN A GOOD/RESOLVING LIGHT

-why the FUCK is sheidheda on my screen right now.

-cadogan can just go

-there’s literally 2 episodes left and we’re...we’re like still at the beginning of the story line lmao

-cardigan and shady had steamy gay sex before this scene I don’t care for your opinions.

-aww fuck I forgot I was doing this lmao I’m on the scene with madi and clarke

-love madi scolding clarke but also their relationship isn’t been highlighted in like 2 seasons sooo I didn’t feel much

-I love that now Bellamy’s dead they’re saying his name every 3 seconds but for the entire first half of the season they forgot he exists

-a Lincoln mention?? I live for a Lincoln mention

-I just drank some NyQuil so idk about watching 715 tonight

-ugh I love Indra and Octavia. Always have loved their relationship. Their connection is amazing.

-I live for Octavia facing her demons but I thought facing demons was last season.

-you’re my seda 🥺😍😍😍 love me some Gaia and Indra scenes

-not a speck of dust in this bunker they left for 300 years or whatever

-have Gabriel and madi ever even interacted

-okay the Jordan and hope scene was cute I guess. Kinda forced but okay.

-how can they not tell sheidheda is 4 inches away from their faces

-omg I forgot to even talk about the Miller and Jackson scene lmaooo FINALLLYYYYYY some mackson lovinnnn I’ve been waiting all season for my fave gays to see each other again. And talking about daddy Miller, brooo stoppp my fucking heart

-I can’t believe she told Niylah about her real name lol

-honestly I love Niylah but I’m wondering what they’re trying to make me feel for her?

-aww I really do love Murphy and who he has become ❤️

-I don’t know what the writers thought I would feel hit they couldn’t have thought I would feel good watching this season lol

-my best friend hasn’t watched this season at all yet and I just keep telling her she’s gonna hate it

-uhh literally what is this Hope and Jordan scene lmao

-Gabriel playing the piano is just what I needed—oh wow he got stabbed in the same second I was writing this point.

-Again—I don’t really know what the writers were trying to convey to me in that scene.

-JR Bourne is an AMAZING actor. He played Russel soooooo well, but idk about him playing sheidheda.

-cadogan: takes a pill to dip out.

Sheidheda: can I have one of those pills?

Cadogan: ahh actually you’re gonna have to Stab yourself :/

-Gabriel dying is like...so poetic. The whole team having a pow wow while he’s dying? Not so cute.

-can’t believe the character that gave me life died alone without his own greeting and Gabriel got it lol I love me some Gabriel tho. Just another moc down.

-it’s been such a short amount of time that Raven is still chillin with the same black eye she got in episode 703

-EMORI NOOOOOOOOOOOOO