#And other stuff obviously but the most arguments are around those three

[rae-writes]

Firstly, big fan of your poly mc x obey me brothers stuff. Secondly, I'm a bit curious about the dynamics between the brothers and mc (cough three-ways cough). Obviously Beel and Belphie wouldn't mind working together, but do you have any headcanons regarding the other brothers sharing?

threesome parings lets gooo! // nsfw, poly!mc (duh) // dateables and sides next maybe?? ;)

Obvious parings

Beel + Belphie; this one is the most obvious, but it works so well (Belphie likes to say they're the best tag-team). It can leave you reeling because you don't always know what's going on when they communicate with just their eyes. The favorite positions in this team are probably: you sitting on one's face while sucking the other off; riding one while the other fucks you from behind; spooning with one in front of you and one behind you

"Such a fuck-ing slut for us, huh? Our pretty little slut."

"o-oh..yeah, move your hips like that again, please..g'na c-cum-!"

"Please go faster, Mc..uh-huh, like that..a-ah! Yesyesyes, cumming! 'm cumming, oh fuck!"

"Your mouth is always so good...here, do Belphie next. Wanna prep you with my tongue."

"Mmm...slow down over there, Beel. We said we'd go slow...'s still early..'m tired." "Sorry, Belphie, but they feel so good..just listen to them. They need us." "..fine...we're going back to sleep after, though."

Lucifer + Satan; yes. These two. Their synchronized energy is almost on par with the twins (even if it's like a subtle competition the whole time) and they do everything so smoothly and seductively it makes you hot and bothered at a rate that should be illegal. The favorite positions for this team are probably: bent over something, one pounding you from the back while you suck off the other; being held up while they fuck you standing, one in front and one behind

"Come on, you can suck my cock better than that. Don't tell me he's made you dumb already?"

"No, no, no, moan my name. Yeah, that's it baby, let me hear you. Louder."

"I'm cumming- don't fucking move. I don't care if he's close, I'm filling you up first."

"You look so pretty, Mc...so. fucking. gorgeous. Doing so good for us, always do so good."

"Hold it. Yes, you can, and you will." "Don't be so mean to them, Lucifer. I think they've well earned the right to cum, don't you? I wanna feel it. Let them cum." "No. If you keep mouthing off, I'll take them away and you can finish yourself off. They hold it until I say so."

Mammon + Asmo; PARTY DUO! They're so wild and filthy and it's so fun to have both at the same time. Tag teaming you is one of the times they can bounce their energies off each other without arguments. The favorite positions of this team (though they're down to try any positions) are probably: riding one while the other fucks you from behind; train style- fucking one [w/strap or dick] while the other fucks you; both squeezing themselves between your legs to give you oral

"Harder! Yeah, yeah, yeah- like that! Come on, Mammon, fuck them faster, I need them to give me more!"

"Ahh, fuck...you're so fuckin' good t'me, baby. Look so good, you're so damn perfect- look at me, look at me, baby...fuuuckkk.."

"Come on, hon! Spread those legs a biiit wider...don't be shy~ show us your pretty self..gotta give us room to work our magic!♡"

"Rock them hips over me, baby, yeahh..make me feel so fucking good. Takin both of us so well."

"Ooh, turn them around this way!" "No way! They faced you the last time, I wanna look at them this time." "That's so not fair- oh! Aw, just listen to that little whine...you need us that badly, Mc?" "Course they do, you kept us waitin so damn long. Don't worry, baby, we gotcha."

Not-so-common pairings

Asmo + Belphie; little odd pairing here, but Asmo cancels out Belphie's sloth (and even gets him riled up in a way only Azzy can) so once you experience it, it's like the shock of temperature play. The favorite positions of this team are probably: riding Belphie while Azzy fucks you from behind; sitting on Bel's face while sucking Asmo off; getting fucked by one, head hanging off the side of the bed, while the other fucks your throat

"I knew I made the right idea picking this set out for you! You look absolutely gorgeous, Mc! Put on a little show for us?"

"Mmmnn...move faster..yeah, come on..ugh- please? Please, for me...y-yeah! Like that.."

"The way you move your tongue like that has me spinning, darling! A-ah..ah, ah-! I'm gonna cum!"

"No, no, no, look at me. At me, Mc, not at Asmo. I wanna see your face when you cum on my cock- take that pretty mouth of yours off his dick and scream my name."

"Come on, Belphie! You gotta get motivated! Just look at them, laying there so pretty for us!" "I can make them feel good without acting like you, you know." "Not unless you want me to steal them away~ Ooh, there's that competitive look in your eye!"

Lucifer + Levi; not necessarily an ‘odd’ pair, but definitely one we don’t see often. With the elder commanding the room and the younger so willing to follow along, it makes for a smooth combination (and an easy dynamic to settle into). The favorite positions for this team are probably: sucking off one while the other fucks you from behind; bending Levi over and fucking him while Luci bends you over the other and fucks you from behind; sitting on Levi’s face while sucking Lucifer off

"Ah, ah, ah. If I can hear you forming words, it means you're not sucking his cock properly. Doesn't Levi deserve some pleasure, too, hm? Go on, choke on it."

""Nghh! You f-fuck me s'good! Hnn...h-huh? Y-yes...yes, y'r fucking me dumb already- 'm your good boy t-though, please keep going!"

"So willing and obedient...you don't know what you really even do to me, do you?"

"Mmph...love the way you taste..ride my tongue faster."

"You can fuck them harder can't you? If their mouth isn't being forced onto my cock, it means you're slacking again." "S-s-sorry...they just- ah!- f-feel so good...my legs are..are already shaking." "Already? Well, if you aren't going to do it properly, let's just switch positions."

Mammon + Beel; again, not ‘odd’, but more so an overlooked- giving based- combo. They’re pretty much all about you, so it can be a bit overwhelming sometimes (but in the best way). The favorite positions for this team are probably: sitting on one’s face and giving head to the other; laying on your sides, each fucking you from the front and back; riding one while the other feels you up and plays with you

"Aw, why're ya cryin', baby? Yeah? Feels good? Sweet little thing...how bout we make ya feel even better?"

"No, no- don't run away, Mc..not done yet..you can take us both at the same time, know you can."

"Y'look s'good ridin' him like that. Can't wait for my turn, fuck, do you feel what you do to me? C'mon, baby, feel it...s'all for you."

"Make him cum again..I don't wanna stop tasting you yet."

"Beel! C'mon! I wanna taste 'em too! Stop hogging!" "But their taste.." "I know- but look at 'em. They're dying to taste you, too. So give me a turn, yeah? Let 'em get their fill." "Okay...just for you, Mc.."

Levi + Belphie; this one…is interesting. It’s easy to run things because of their natures, but this is the unofficial ‘drastic switch’ team— you never really know what you’re getting with them. The favorite positions for them are probably: giving both a handjob while they pleasure you; riding one and making out with the other; getting fucked from behind and fucking the other

"D-don't stop- hnn..! O-oh, u-uh-huh, make me cum again, don't care if 'm sensitive, wanna cum again for you!"

"Noo! Come back...mmph..mm...don't stop kissing me. Don't care- I'll move your hips for you, don't worry about Levi, just focus on me."

"You look so. fucking. good. bent over for me. Shh, don't listen to Belphie's bitching, he's getting fucked every time I slam my cock into you, so focus on me."

"Pull my hair. Yeah, like that- mm! Let me fuck you harder..please? He won't care, he can take it, I need to fuck you harder, Mc, please!"

"Quit hogging them! It's not fair!" "Is that all you ever say? It's not my fault you don't ask them to give you what you need. I do. So I'm going first." "H-hmph! Mc, Belphie's being mea- oh..oh your hand feels good..yeah stroke me like t-that.."

Other good mentions

Lucifer + Mammon; these two can communicate with just their eyes as well as the twins can, okay, they absolutely have your head spinning— and usually, the eldest is in charge of the whole thing but sometimes his favoritism shows and he lets Mammon take over. The favorite positions in this team are probably: each fucking you standing, from front and back; sucking one off while the other guides the pace; rough makeout session to see who gets to be in charge (and sometimes it’s you)

"It's been awhile, hasn't it, Mc? I can tell by the way you're already drooling for us...all dumb and pretty. All ours."

"Doin' such a good job, baby...uh-huh, bob your head a liiittle faster, like..this. Use your tongue too...hear the way he's moanin' for ya?"

"Don't make fun of me...is it so wrong that I want to feel your touch, too? I love the rake of your nails across my skin..indulge me, won't you?"

"I don't even care if 'm not in charge this time- just don't stop kissing me..haven't felt your lips on mine all day, please, fuck, don't ever stop kissing me."

"Well? What are you going to do now that you're in control this time, Mammon?" "Heh..overstimulate him, Mc. 'n don't stop until he's shooting blanks." "...what? Mc, don't you d-ah! Gr..damnit...fuck, it feels good.."

Mammon + Levi; they might act like it’s a big competition sometimes, but all they really care about is making you feel good, and when their energies are in sync, it’s crazy. The favorite positions of this team are probably: riding one while the other fucks you from behind; getting fucked while fucking the other, spreading your legs wide open so they can both give you oral

"Don't be such a fuckin' sore loser, Levi. Just put your mouth on 'em and shut up..we don't getta talk till their legs are shakin."

"C-can't handle when you s-stare at me like that..m-makes me feel all hot a-and bothered..especially w-when he keeps fucking you e-even closer."

"Can take it- promise I can take it! Don't stop fucking me, need it s'bad!"

"Hah! Look at him! He's practcially in tears from just one orgasm..h-huh? W-w-what are you doing- no, d-don't! You're..going too fast..a-ahhh..c-cumming! N-no..'m not crying..'m not!"

"What'd you say?!" "You heard me! You're not that dumb, are you?" "You little- Mc? Oh, no, we're sorry baby...no, no, we didn't mean to forget you, we'll make it up. Here..put that tail of yours to good use, Levi." "Yeah..okay..we're sorry, Mc. That feel good?"

Satan + Asmo; this pairing can be so softly sweet and so passionately intense, it should come with a whiplash warning (but are you really complaining?). The favorite positions for this pair are probably: laying down while one fucks you from each side, getting fucked while making out with the other, mutual masturbation and getting edged while edging them

"Ah, ah, ah...not yet, love, don't cum yet. It'll feel better if we wait, yeah? Hold it for me...just a little longer."

"You look so sexy, all disheveled like this! Gets me all hot and bothered every time! Hehe! ♡"

"Arch your back for me- just like that. Makes it go even deeper, doesn't it? Just. like. this. Ohh, fuck, make that sound for me again- 'm gonna cum."

"Stroke me faster, baby, please! Uh-huh, uh-huh...mm! Cumming! Yes, yes, yes!"

"Calm down, Asmo. Mc's had a tiring day..let's take it slow and make them feel better, hm?" "Ooh, you're absolutely right! We'll take care of you, hon, you won't even have to lift a finger!" "Relax, love...we've got you."

[blockgamepirate]

This is my petty complaint time, this video annoys me SO MUCH and even more so what annoys me is that the latest comment on it is this:

HE TAUGHT YOU SO MUCH BULLSHIT, PLEASE NO, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM

And yes, I've been thinking about this stream for nearly three years now, I've been meaning to go through it to critique Wilbur's arguments, I just never got around to it

Wilbur: "Tubbo, you've created an anti-state capitalist dystopia"

So all Tubbo had explained so far was that his town had a big company that owned two other big companies. Nothing about the government or anything. It's true that one company owning all the major businesses is pretty dystopian, sure, but I have no idea where Wilbur got the "anti-state" thing from, usually capitalist companies are fine with the existence of states, states do a lot of dirty work for the capitalists

Spoiler alert: Tubbo's city turns out to be pretty much a city state so Wilbur is just wrong anyway, not that he ever acknowledges it even when it does come up

Also it's not like corporate acquisitions are completely unheard of in the UK, as far as I know. Admittedly the UK is also arguably a capitalist dystopia but you know what I mean, the concept shouldn't be all that shocking to Wilbur

He's being so dramatic and trying to make it sound like he's caught Tubbo in a mistake or something. He also keeps asking questions and then not letting Tubbo answer properly before taking like one word Tubbo says and running with it

But this is the one that I find the most obnoxious:

T: "I did some research into like economics and stuff and I discovered this thing called UBI, have you heard of it?"

W: "What's it stand for?"

T: "Universal Basic Income"

W: "Yeah, I know about that"

He clearly does not know what UBI is.

It becomes very apparent very quickly:

W: "So you've got universal basic income but then also the rich exist still?"

T: "Yeah! Yeah they do."

W: "How does that come about then,"

T: "So in my mind--"

W: "is this universal basic income different for different people?"

T: "No, no, the universal basic income is better for everyone, just the people who have--"

W: "In order for there to be a 1% that means someone's earning more,"

T: "Yes, someone is earning more"

W: "but that means the universal basic income isn't universal!"

T: "No no no, not everyone's getting paid the same but everyone gets the same to begin with, okay? But then you can build on top of it."

W: "Oh no, you've got a-- Tubbo, you've got a fucking social point system!"

T: "Have I made a social point system??"

W: "Tubbo, you've made China!"

None of what Wilbur says makes ANY sense here. The only explanation I can think of is that he didn't know what UBI was, made an assumption that it just meant "everybody gets paid the same amount of money" or something like that and then just spoke fast enough that Tubbo couldn't correct him

Tubbo is correct here, Tubbo knows what he's talking about, but he can't out-speak Wilbur who is just throwing so much bullshit out of his mouth that there's no time to even respond

So, UBI means that everyone in the society gets a regular payment of a specific amount of money that's the same for everyone regardless of their life situation (and generally a requirement would be that it has to be enough to live on, altho people do like to water this down a lot...) This would be completely irrelevant to your wages or salary or capital gains. You can choose to either live on the UBI or you can just do the regular capitalist things to earn extra money on top of the UBI

Obviously I'm not one of those people who think that UBI would solve all of world's problems, I mean I am an anarchist and all (and not an ancap either), but it's literally just a very streamlined welfare system. That's all. It would probably be a lot better than the current models we have but it's not fundamentally different. There's nothing particularly weird about it, the point is just to make sure that everyone has enough money to live on, in every other regard it's just normal capitalism

Wilbur completely misunderstands the whole thing (because, again, he does not know what UBI is so he's just trying to imagine what it might mean based on what Tubbo is saying) and jumps immediately to something he apparently has heard of, which is the Chinese social credit system, which has nothing to do with UBI. In fact I'm pretty sure it also doesn't actually have anything to do with income either, or at least not directly, so I don't think Wilbur knows what the social credit system is either

He's literally just talking in buzzwords

Like if you actually wanted to make a leftist critique of Tubbo's city, you could, don't get me wrong. But instead Wilbur keeps insisting that he's made a social point system despite Tubbo trying to explain why it's not that at all

Wilbur just keeps yelling over Tubbo until his own chat turns against him and finally Tubbo himself also kinda gives up

And from there Tubbo also kinda just starts playing into the bit and just lets Wilbur direct the whole conversation, the rest of it is just them getting more and more into the roleplay. Wilbur keeps talking about the state pension plan, even though Tubbo already tried to explain that it's part of the UBI (this actually is how UBI is supposed to work, it does indeed streamline most of the welfare spending! Obviously you can still raise questions about that (I can think of a few at least) but Wilbur didn't let Tubbo explain so I have no idea what Tubbo actually had in mind)

I could try to go through all of what Wilbur says here but it's just too much, so maybe some other time. Although to be honest there are so many other streams that I probably should talk about instead that some fans unfortunately took a bit too seriously because they assumed Wilbur knew what he was talking about

My point here is mainly that just because someone sounds really confident and knows a bunch of buzzwords doesn't mean they know what they're talking about.

[riding-the-sunset-bird]

A character reference based on all four Steps of Our Life! It's only "sort of" a height reference as well since obviously they're not 100% accurate (the devs don't have specific heights for everyone to my knowledge).

I did dig into the code to try and get characters at their "normal" heights but there are other matters at play too (example: Nicolas is obviously "taller" than he should be because he needs to be pushed upwards to be visible enough above the game's text box; likewise with other very short characters).

Still, this should serve as either a nice reference guide for every character or a "height reference" in the sense of getting an idea of which characters are shorter/taller than others.

I'm also going to detail some extra notes below the break, including posts from GB Patch's Tumblr that reference any defined heights (with Cove being the obvious one) or general height things, as well as some more stuff about the MC's height in comparison to the three love interests depending on what you pick.

Cove's height is listed on GB Patch's FAQ as 4' 1" in Step 1 (also stated as "mostly average, perhaps a bit on the short side"), 5' 4" in Step 2 (in-game this is defined as "very tall" on the MC's potential height spectrum, as that is the only option considered on par with Cove's height), 6' 0" in Step 3, and 6' 4" in Step 4. A fun fact is that Cove's final height was originally 6' 3" (191cm) instead.

Derek in Step 2 is under five feet tall (this post also lists Cove as "around 5 and a half feet tall" which you could take as either close enough to 5' 4" as stated above or a potential original height he had that got changed). In-game, he's "short" but not "very short", as having your MC be "very short" will prompt narration telling you that you're shorter than Derek, whereas "short" only has you relate to him in smolness generally.

Step 4 Derek is "mostly average." He wouldn't be considered tall nor would he be considered short. His youngest brother Nicolas will "probably end up as a similar height to him" once he's more grown up.

Step 4 Baxter is "taller than average, but not especially tall."

I've been informed that, on the Our Life Patreon Discord, Step 4 Derek's height is listed as 5' 9" (175cm) whereas Step 4 Baxter's is listed as 5' 11" (180cm), so those are their defined heights. Before that, both of their heights had jumped around somewhat. A post from 2019 said that Derek was 5' 11", but a post from June 2021 said that Baxter was 5' 11" and Derek was 5' 9" (so consistent with the Discord). Then there's also another post from July 2021 (you'll have to scroll down for this one) that listed Baxter at around 5' 10" while Derek was 5' 8"/5' 9". If you're insane enough to try and use the character reference too, then Baxter would actually be around 6'1" at minimum since he's taller than Step 3 Cove (though you could also make the same argument that this means the mom trio of Pamela, Noelani, and Kyra must be decently tall as well since they're so close to Cove on the character reference).

I don't have any experience with GB Patch's other game, XOXO Droplets, so I don't know what ages the characters are in it, but since both Shiloh and Jeremy are characters seen visibly in Our Life, I thought I'd also mention that they're listed as 5' 10" and 5' 5" (or 5' 5 1/2") respectively in XOXO Droplets. Jeremy also apparently grows to 5' 8" in his 20s and he's 22 in the Our Life Cove Wedding DLC (I don't think this is spoken of in the game specifically but he's labeled as 22 in the code).

As for the MC and how their height plays into things, "tall" and "very tall" as well as "short" and "very short" tend to be considered the same for the most part in the game's code. It's not that there isn't a difference at all (I would say it's still notable), it's just that sometimes the game may be more vague about height differences. My post about Errands references this where you don't need more athletic points due to being "very short" instead of "short" to give Cove a piggyback ride.

A guesstimate I'd make is that about 5% of the time, the game will take note of whether you're "very tall" instead of "tall" or "very short" instead of "short." Otherwise, you're either "generally tall," "average," or "generally short." There are also other instances (usually with Cove) where the game might just check if you're either generally tall (around Cove's height) or not generally tall (i.e: definitely shorter than him).

This is actually relevant to the heights because, following all above information, one would assume that Step 4 Derek is average, Step 4 Baxter is tall, and Step 4 Cove is very tall going off the MC's potential "height spectrum" of very short, short, average, tall, and very tall, but it's not entirely the case.

A "tall" MC (generally tall) will look "down" at Step 4 Baxter just as he will look "up" at them or they'll look directly at each other if the MC is "average," same as Step 3 Baxter, but--

when the game has any instance of differentiating between "tall" and "very tall" (they never do this for Step 3 Baxter so the base assumption would have to be that he's just average height), things change.

During Baxter's apology in the wedding of his Step 4, Baxter dips his chin to look at the MC if they're "short"/"very short," levels his chin to look at the MC if they're "average"/"tall," and then lifts his chin to look at the MC if they're "very tall." A generally tall MC still has to lean down to kiss him if they choose to do so though.

Also, during the intimacy scene with Baxter (either in his office or his living room), if the MC is "very short," "short," or "average," it states that Baxter is taller than them. If they're "very tall," then Baxter is shorter than them, but a "tall" MC is "almost the exact same height" as him.

This is all a really long-winded way of saying that GB Patch referring to Step 4 Baxter being "taller than average but not especially tall" might mean that he's some infuriating middle ground between average and tall where he's not quite one but not quite the other either (which honestly is very Baxter of him so I can't even be mad).

[lucabyte]

i'm so curious about your character gender reads now tho 👀👀

(You enter the kitchen and see me, eating shredded cheese out of the fridge by the handful)

(I turn around to face you.)

Hi. Do you want me to sell you on amab NB Siffrin? I'm going to try and sell you on amab NB Siffrin. And maybe even a little bit of tranfem siffrin and/or loop. as a treat. just for you.

So, (I put the cheese back in the fridge.)

This read of mine comes from a number of things, a lot of them to do with the game's themes, and to do with Siffrin being a narrative foil to the other characters. And Vaugarde as a whole.

(READMORE WARNING: THIS IS LIKE 6K WORDS LONG. YOU ALL SHOULD KNOW BY NOW I DON'T MAKE POSTS WITHOUT UNCONSCIOUNABLE AMOUNTS OF EVIDENCE AND EXPLANATION. IF ANYTHING I'M BEING RESTRAINED HERE. THUMBS UP.)

(Pre-readmore note: this is in response to me having given an analysis of how I personally percieve Sifloop in relation to asexuality and shipping. Which you can look at here. (x))

It is however, not what my like, no-holds-barred no-rules just-for-me headcanon for Siffrin would be. (which is intersex 'head empty no thoughts' siffrin, for the record). This is instead my close-reading-of-the-text-and-themes interpretation of Siffrin. This is why I'm gonna be saying Read and not Headcanon, to distinguish the two. (Anything I consider a little bit too much of a stretch vis a vis interpretive hard reads I will call a headcanon. But those are for the last bit of this post.)

Unlike *gestures at mass media* All That… ISAT is already packed to the gills with queer rep, to the point where I feel no need to grasp at straws and make overextended reaches into obviously unintended subtext. Like with, y'know, most media. Since here, the subtext isn't unintended. Like this isn't a Transfem Metal Sonic or Aroace Ash Ketchum situation where I know none of the evidence is on purpose and I'm just having fun making a conspiracy theory pinboard out of it. This is like… There's intentionality there. And I want to engage with it on its level, see what the text itself suggests. It's my personal preferred method of expressing deep respect to a text. (Not that it has to be anyone else's, obviously. This is just my way of showing I love a work.)

So yeah, I am, in general, very interested in hearing hard-fought arguments when it comes to interpreting texts. I'm glad ISAT has a lot to pick at here, and so, I will. (and since not a lot of texts ever have anywhere near this kind of depth in this arena, i don't wanna squander it… i'll try and keep my own biases as in check as i can, and already have done by hashing quite a bit of this interpretation out with two people of very different gender identities to mine. To put it mildly, binary-aligned or transfem I am very squarely Not.)

(Now that the cheese bag has been removed from the equation, I drop this framing device, sit you down at the table and begin to dredge up evidence from below it.)

Okay, so. What are my like… Core reasonings here? I think I can split it into three categories. Broadly, with an amount of overlap, so bear with me…

SIFFRIN AS A FOIL AND CONTRAST TO MIRABELLE, ISABEAU AND THE CHANGE RELIGION AS A WHOLE.

SIFFRIN'S HABITS OF CLINGING TO 'KNOWN QUANTITIES', SCAPEGOATS, AND THEMES OF RACIAL IDENTITY INTERSECTING WITH GENDER IDENTITY.

SIFFRIN, LOOP, DE-PERSONING, DEHUMANISING, APATHY AND SURVIVAL.

Okay so up top I'm going to split my argument for Siffrin's gender identity Present and Future here. This means, for now, I'm arguing for AMAB NB Siffrin alone. The transfem stuff is for later (and more for loop, in my mind, too).

I have a few direct observations of the text here that set things up. Here are the things in-game that make me assume that Siffrin, as of the start of the game, has not yet undergone any radical change to their identity in their life. Not on purpose, at least. These are ordered in a messy but logical flow, so uh, try and keep up. I'll synthesise at the end. I Prommy.

SIFFRIN AS A FOIL AND CONTRAST TO MIRABELLE, ISABEAU AND THE CHANGE RELIGION AS A WHOLE.

CHANGE & THE UNIVERSE: PERCEIVED OPPOSITES

When interacting with most objects in the Changing Room in the house, they express a genuine curiosity toward body craft. It seems they are legitimately unfamiliar with it on a deeper level than having simply heard of it.

Despite this curiosity (explicitly stating they've previously wondered about it), they dismiss it as too much work early on in the game. These points combined seem to suggest to me that they have never previously sought out any kind of real change to their appearance or identity. Either for gender reasons, or other body dysmorphia reasons. (Which, despite the dismissal, they do refer to their body as a 'meat prison', which is not particularly positive) However...

This changes in Act 3. In acts 3 and 4 they flatly state: "You're thinking about crafting your body. You seem to have all the time in the world now." While still never spoken aloud, their declining mental state corrosponds with a worn-down, almost nihilistic reckoning with the feelings they masked with the 'meat prison' joke in act 2.

[Image: Interactions with the change craft textbook in acts 2 and 3/4.]

In talking to Mirabelle, they are very self assured that one can stay the same/be comfortable with their born identity. They also seem a little unsettled by the change religion's flippancy in general, which makes sense, as they have been clinging to the famliar (even when painful) to cope with other traumas. (More on this later, section 2)

The Universe Faith appears to heavily disincentivise Wanting for oneself and other expressions of Free Will due to safeguarding against Wish craft. This seems to have impacted Siffrin's mental state majorly, even if they do not recognise it. The followers of the faith are (if Siffrin is to be believed) incentivised to 'go with the flow' and take paths of least resistance, and those that DO make big decisions will tend to justify things as being The Universe's Will. (See: The King's entire Modus Operandi, and the way Loop (and Siffrin) do the same rote actions, constructing worldviews (the play analogy, the Universe's Will) and justify that as what the Universe Would Want (despite a total lack of evidence to prove as such)) As such, it seems as if a follower of this faith as neurotic as Siffrin would be unlikely to act upon any Wants to Change Themselves without a lot of turmoil and backwards-justification. (Of note, Loop's forcible change coinciding with a dropping of pronoun. But that is again for later, section 3) As of the start of the game, they do not appear to have broached this kind of turmoil directly.

[Image: Act 5 interaction with the star journal, emphasis on it being a cautionary tale against reckless usage of wish craft, instilled so deeply to be a children's bedtime story]

Siffrin, in act 5, grows frustrated with both The Universe and The Change God, feeling abandoned by the former. They struggle with simultaneously anthropomorphising the Universe as a cruel onlooker, while also seemingly acknowledging them as a cold, almost scientific fact of nature. This would heavily imply that the 'blame' put upon the Universe by Siffrin in these moments is known to them, at least a little, to be potentially meaningless. It seems that somewhere in Siffrin's belief system is something, be it the core or merely a creeping worry, that the Universe is not a thinking, feeling, thing. And thus that their invocations of "The Universe's Will" are merely rationalisations of random chance and consequence. This is in DIRECT contrast to the Change God, proven to be an emotive sapient entity, who merely refuses to offer a helping hand. (Similar sentiments are, too, spoken by the Change God itself.)

[Images: Interacting with the window in the observatory in act 5, text from the change god meeting]

So. These are the bulk of my observations when it comes to how Siffrin is positioned in contrast to the Change Belief. It would seem to be that Siffrin, inkeeping with their role as an outsider, is a complete fish out of water in Vaugarde's change-centric world. This makes sense! It makes them a compelling foil to the Vaugardians in our cast, and allows the Vaugardians to challenge Siffrin's worldviews merely by existing. It also, more importantly, makes Siffrin an interesting lens through which to inspect our two most Change-driven characters. Mirabelle and Isabeau.

MIRABELLE.

Mirabelle and Siffrin's differing faiths are put on display the most frequently. Interactions like the circle key and the party's disbelief of Siffrin's facts about the stars make this clear. These interactions other Siffrin from the group further, and are another avenue through which Siffrin can ignore their own needs, not communicating with the party and allowing them to dismiss things he deems important.

Obviously, the friendquest is primarily about Mirabelle's struggle with her aromanticism and asexuality. But there's an implicit undercurrent of gender there too. Mirabelle has never made a big change, not like Isabeau. She has never 'changed completely', by her words. And Siffrin distinctly finds this an odd thing to be worried by. Whatever culture he carries has no pressure to explore these avenues, it seems. Siffrin is able to help her by sharing their honest opinions, that he's never felt the need to change these things, and he's happy (allegedly). Why should she?

[Image: Mirabelle's friendquest text] Siffrin is not thinking particularly hard when he first does the friendquests, they are just being themselves. By positioning Siffrin as this unchanged yet confident object, they are in the perfect position to help Mirabelle by being in her almost exact position, both sexuality and transgender status (albeit, with the caveats of potential alloromanticism, and a they pronoun), that they become her ideal foil. (And in fact, the subtle differences between their positions in canon add to this, showing a display of Perceived Genuine Truth, rather than simple in-group camaraderie)

Whereas…

ISABEAU.

When Mal du pays speaks as Isabeau, it says the following;

"I don't want to know someone who won't even try to change, who luxuriates in things staying the exact same like you do."

I don't want to know someone - Shame of being known, that's Isabeau's insecurity. Reflected back at Siffrin, who has become the worst thing imaginable to each of their friends, in Siffrin's own mind. He absorbs their insecurities like a sponge and incorporates them into himself. Empathy turned ill.

Who luxuriates in things staying the exact same - Now THAT'S interesting. This is not Isabeau's insecurity, it's Siffrin's own. But also, it appears as if, Siffrin, whom to Mirabelle was unflappable in that not changing was alright, has internalised some of her worry. That it is MDP's Isabeau saying this, though, shows this is about Personal Change, perhaps even Specifically Gender and Self Image, rather than Mirabelle's spiritual side.

Isabeau and his distinct change in personality and gender, to become someone who he actually likes… Diametric to Siffrin, who has been stagnant for a long time, presumably as far as they can remember. It would seem to imply they have no recourse against this argument. Siffin becomes, in his mind, the opposite to Isabeau, a man he deeply admires the bravery of when told the story of his Change. These are Siffrin's words against themselves, that they consider themselves to have never even 'tried' whatever it is they think Change to be.

So. These are my main points vis a vis: Siffrin as a foil. This reading would posit that Siffrin's He/They status is, well, almost accidental? Which I would imagine befitting of them. They are, at the start of the game, still the mysterious rogue who never elaborates upon anything. They aren't going to be correcting a they/them from a teammate who is likely far more cautious about assumptions.

Notably, Mirabelle excludes Siffrin from the label "man" in the bathroom monologues… But as does Siffrin when in the prologue poem room. Though one needs remember, Siffrin only expresses these thoughts internally.

[Image: Bathroom conversation featuring Isabeau identified as the party's singular man]

[Image: Prologue!Siffrin expressing that they are not a man in very certain terms.]

While I do wonder what Mirabelle's knowledge (or lack thereof, potentially! Did Siffrin actually divulge this to her, once? Or is she making assumptions again?) is here, this is pretty clear evidence that Siffrin doesn't see themselves As A Man. (that, and Adrienne's word of god "fella" comments). I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this… but.

The thesis here is, that Siffrin may want to explore their gender further; doesn't feel connected to Masculinity, and yet, keeps that He pronoun around? Well, the Universe does not, in Siffrin's mind, really allow for personal wants and desires. If their friends start they/themming them, then cool. They like it, but never requested it, so it's the Universe's will. But, asking? Making decisions and requests and rocking the boat? That seems to scare Siffrin a lot. It seems to scare them so much it causes a lot of, if not all of, the conflict in the game. I feel like it's a fair deduction that this aversion to humour their own desires pervades a lot of their existence.

Plus, I think there's meat there. By only allowing Siffrin to reckon with any potential desires to change only after growing closer with the family, you get to explore things like "How does Mirabelle feel that even the person who said she didn't have to change is changing." and the slightly less potentially harrowing (OR MORE, IF YOU WANT IT TO BE? IDK. I'M NOT YOUR BOSS.) "Isa's continued changing allows Siffrin a space to explore it, maybe even just by proxy, or maybe by joining them."

But mostly, this section is about how Siffrin not having Changed Yet makes them delightfully strong narratively; allowing them to relate to Mirabelle, and get cold feet when comparing themselves to Isabeau. I love this as a narrative strengthener. It's very rare in media that we get to explore a nonbinary character's thoughts and insecurities on whether or not they're "doing enough" to be nonbinary. Even less so Aligned nonbinary people. And reading that alignment and insecurity through the lens of a nonbinary person not fully disconnected from their assigned gender at birth? It's a very compelling exploration of a very common and raw and yet underdiscussed feeling, much like the rest of ISAT. I think this is an extremely potent element should it be read this way, and is only strengthened when taking Siffrin's other themes into account.

Speaking of which.

2. SIFFRIN'S HABITS OF CLINGING TO 'KNOWN QUANTITIES', SCAPEGOATS, AND THEMES OF RACIAL IDENTITY INTERSECTING WITH GENDER IDENTITY.

HOLDING ON TO WHAT YOU KNOW. (OR KNOW THAT YOU DO NOT.)

I explained above many of my thoughts on the Universe Faith, and trying to keep these two sections separate was difficult, but needed to be done for the sake of clarity. But this section and the above are deeply intertwined.

Siffrin… Holds on to the things they know. They do not know much. But man do they fucking hold. And yet, paradoxically, they are also avoidant about it.

It is made clear in the text, to the point where I really don't feel the need to rehash it here, that Siffrin's disconnection from their homeland is incredibly painful, but that they consider that culture utterly and irreplaceably important to them. They cannot face it, it is too painful. They cannot let it go, it is too important.

Knowing what we know of the Island's irl inspirations (though, word of god, the exact location is not supposed to matter, one can infer it from the text (and I did! within reasonable proximity!)), Siffrin is of an indigenous peoples of some description, more than likely. And at the very least, Siffrin carries with them inherent biases and ignorances that show that Vaugarde's conceptions of things don't quite mesh with their own. Bowing to the Vaugardian way of things could very easily be seen as assimilation, in this way.*

And identity? Gender? Presentation? Role? All of that has a cultural element. There's no telling what specifics Siffrin has lost in that arena, and that's the problem. Neither do they. How paralysing, the feeling, to know that should you change yourself you risk unknowingly erasing another piece of home? I wouldn't blame them for locking it off. Keeping their old clothes, keeping what little they can remember of themselves… It doesn't seem to me a conducive or safe mental space to get experimental.

And the Universe makes for a perfect scapegoat. As referenced in the section above, a lot can be justified should you call it "The Universe's Will", because who's there to call you on it? Hardly anyone. Your divine right to Freeze A Place In Time; Your Deserved Punishment for Wanting to be Loved: All of it the Universe-- If you want it to be. And thusly, if the Universe wanted you to be a certain way, wouldn't you already be? Wouldn't it make you so? (Wouldn't it take away your body, that which makes you human? If that is what it thought of you?) So best to put it out of your mind. Wouldn't want to accidentally wish anything.

But as the game itself puts it, personified by The King, you cannot stay mired like this forever. As Loop themselves puts it, they can "get so fixated, sometimes." At some point they need to allow themselves to grow in whatever direction they need, because in the end, they need to live their life. They don't need to abandon their country, their culture, but they can't let it restrain them either.

(* MASSIVE CAVEAT: im white as fuck boyyy. i cant say shit. im like technically Of The Land im like 90% pictish or something ridiculous like that so my particular line has never moved anywhere but. this is notttt something i have input or insight on. this is all gleaned from reading and listening to indiginous perspectives from wherever they may be. i am simply trying to infer from what the game gives us without inserting my own feelings on the matter.)

3. SIFFRIN, LOOP, DE-PERSONING, DEHUMANISING, APATHY AND SURVIVAL.

Alright, here's some less heady and purely-thematic points to round things out. And where we'll also address the fucked up star being in the room; Loop.

My last couple of reading points are the most potentially-transfem to me. Or at least the ones that really hammer home, to me, a seeming lack of want to be masculine-aligned.

ANOTHER NOTE ON THE 'NOT A GUY' THING.

Obviously, there is the aforementioned "Not a man/not that you're a boy" thing. This is rather straightforward, but also still pretty ambiguous. You can be masc-aligned and still Not A Guy. But it does seem to be of note that being a guy very much does not seem to be a goal of Siffrin's. I would posit this in direct contrast to… Isabeau.

But not Isabeau's masculinity. I would instead hold it up against Isa's femininity.

ISAT, as a text, has its characters have genuinely different levels of security in their gender identity, and Isabeau, despite still having insecurities, seems super chill on the gender angle specifically! Their internal strife comes not from their 'not feeling like a man enough' or 'hating being a woman', but instead from their self perception as a friendless nerd! Something that seems to be only tangentially related to Isa's gender, really?

The big dumb bruiser thing is certainly aided by being a dude, but Isa still seems completely comfortable referring to themselves with feminine language, calling himself a "mother hen" (prologue) and having "the heart of a fair maiden" (cookie snack time). (However, they also take being excluded from Mira's girly book club as a surprised compliment, implying they weren't expected to be excluded, and find it affirming.) And even further so, Isa states they want to continue changing further and exploring their identity more, being rather blatant that they might lean back into femininity (and more importantly, let themselves be outwardly smart again), since they're starting to feel hurt by everyone assuming they ARE genuinely stupid.

[Image: Prologue Isa calling himself a mother hen]

And man, this is such a breath of fresh air vis a vis representation. I don't think I really need to explain that. A character who's gender identity is driven by chasing euphoria, even if it started out by trying to drive out misery. Isabeau's character is so damn good. But this essay isn't about him, so get back in the crate, boy.

... So here we have Isa, who is genuinely comfortable reclaiming things about their birth gender, and Mirabelle who loves her traditionally feminine traits to the point where she feels a little guilty that she isn't rejecting them to foster change. And then we have Siffrin… who seems to reject masculine language…? Hrm… (… And then we have The King. A Masculine Title. Someone who Siffrin increasingly sees themselves in and deeply, deeply dislikes this.)

APATHY AND SURVIVAL

It should be clear by now that I see Siffrin's core character as being driven by avoidance and survival. This seems to lead to a lot of apathy, brushing off emotions that are too intense or events and occurences that are too painful. (See: just absolutely everything with Bonnie)

It's all Siffrin really seems to be able to do to Survive. They've travelled, seemingly alone, for what would be around a decade by what the game says about the island's disappearance. They've lived alone on the road as a traveller in a country that so openly welcomes strangers that THE KING and his whole motives can happen. Siffrin is avoidant and refuses to acknowledge problems or strive for help and comfort.

So. That line about the dress. Let's unpack the line(s) about the dress.

THE DRESS LINE, AND THE WAY IT CHANGES BETWEEN PROLOGUE, ACT 2, AND ACT 3.

Good god where to start with this. Full disclosure, the first draft here was way more vague in how I approached this line because I remembered it (and another line, I'll get to it.) way more tame, but going and getting the screenshots..... Siffrin. Buddy. We gotta unpack this.

In act 2, we have "You haven't worn a dress in forever!". This is a neutral, if seemingly a little joyous statement. All we really glean from this is the information that Siffrin at some point, wore 'a' dress. No real inferences there. (Maybe you could say that the singular as opposed to plural makes it more likely that they borrowed/only owned One Dress rather than owned several? But that's a massive stretch...)

Then, act 3/4 shuffles this off into a more general "You wonder if you'll ever wear different clothes again." Which is a more despairing and distant statement. Considering Siffrin seems to travel with only the items they can carry, and owns sleep clothes... It's unclear how many changes of clothing they have. The party seems to consider the cloak a pretty permanent fixture, anyhow. But this line doesn't really say much aside from 'oh god i'm losing myself to the time loop malaise'

NOW THE PROLOGUE. Prologue Sif, buddy, pal, Loop, if I'm allowed to call you that....

Thousands of loops in. We are wistful for specifically dresses. You've forgotten almost everything. You dream about someday seeing the sun again. To be anywhere but here. You want to wear a dress again.

I. Kind of do not know what to do here but point at it. Like I said, my first draft had me half-remembering the progression of this line and as such I was far more vague on what I thought it could imply. Instead this is just straight up yearning.

To, try and segue back to what I had initially written, we'll pick up here...

Siffrin expresses a want to wear other clothes, explore changing their body... But instead, they wear a ratty old form-covering cloak that keeps them warm and safe and is a last reminder of home. They are shapeless, formless, hiding their face under the brim of a wide hat. They do not voice their desire to wear a dress aloud. They once again, keep a desire to themselves, because they do not allow themselves to want publicly. Apathy is safer. Apathy and quiet means you do not risk retribution or hurt.

While I do not think the above is exclusively a transfeminine feeling, it really, really reads like one when taken part and parcel with assuming Siffrin has denied themselves prior exploration.

... And here I have to break my first draft again. I was being, once again, restrained in my reading when writing this. Because I had convinced myself I had maybe straight up imagined one of the lines I was basing my reads on, because I couldn't find it. Because it was a line that read so strikingly desolate to me that my brain had slotted it in during Act Five, meaning when I went looking for it neither me nor my friends could find it.

It's in acts 3 and 4. It's a line I already brought up.

"You're thinking about crafting your body. You seem to have all the time in the world now."

good fucking christ. sorry to break the academic tone but Jimminy Fucking Willikers, Siffrin. What's with that bit. The resignation and despair and guilty comfort we know the timeloop brings them, bleeding into the gender.

This. *taps my finger harshly on my desk* THIS, this feels transfem. this feels so wildly transfem to me. The knowledge that they've never changed before this line lends. The admission that they've been holding back because it's 'too much work'. I spent a lot of time during the game relating Siffrin not to myself but to my friends.

If I'm honest, really, truly, I'm not all too often in Siffrin's shoes. I'm the stable one, of my group. I'm the rock people ground themselves on. And I see so much hesitance, all the time. Denial of joy because what if it's taken away, again? Or futilely out of reach? It hurts more to try, and to fail, than to never try at all.

I wanted to shake Siffrin by the shoulders this whole game. Grit teeth beg them to accept help because for fuck's sake people are clearly offering it get it through your skull--

*coughs* Ah. Ahem. Right. The uh, academic tone.

Right. What I mean to say is, this read as transfem to me because of the way it relates to real-world experiences of denial. And this combo of the Dress line, and the progression of the Meat Prison line, the constant evidence of never having strived for what they want, and that insistance that you're not a man, seem to dislike being percieved as a man, but not being able to shed the outward signifiers?

Individually, yes, these points can be read in different ways. The total opposite ways, even, I'm sure! But as a gestalt it feels really, really transfem. Even if yeah, sure Vaugarde is a magical setting where being transgender is accepted, and this hesitance, specifically, around gender, might not 'make sense' in 'the lore'...

Diegesis isn't everything. Sometimes something that reflects a real-world feeling is important, even if it doesn't 'mesh' with 'the lore' of the world.

TANGENT: DIEGESIS AND READING INTO NON-REAL-WORLD-SETTINGS.

This is a Watsonian vs Doylist spectre that's been haunting this whole argument. In-universe (Watsonian), Vaugarde has seemingly no discrimination between genders, sexualities, and a lackadaisical approach to most things in the arena. Reading our own patriarchal/heterosexual/amanonormative/perisexist society unto it does not make sense, not in this context.

In the real world, however (Doylist), ISAT is a text made in our prejudiced society. A text that is distinctly flavoured by those bigotries which it is kicking back against. Because of this, it is not the whole story to simply read the text while discarding our real-world-informed inferences. Isabeau is a big example of this. While perfectly accepted in Vaugarde, he is very obviously a revolutionary character in our real-world space! He has so much to say, specifically BECAUSE things about him that are not readily accepted here, are accepted there! Same with Mira's struggles, and yes, Siffrin's too.

ISAT was written with the knowledge of how it would play against our real world in mind, we know this, clearly, from many an interview. This is most present in how it engages with asexuality and aromanticism (and immigrant identity), but make no mistake, it influences the Whole Text.

Ergo, just because I view certain writing choices here in the context of Our Real World Perspectives On Gender and not Vaugarde's In-Universe Perspectives, it does not make them an invalid read. They are simply a Doylist read.

There's been an admittedly loosey-goosey lack of delineation here between things I'm reading with either lens, because for the most part all of these points have been a vague synthesis of both that I can't quite decouple. Unprofessional, I know, but I'll admit to not having written my thoughts down like this in a good long while. Usually I just hash this out verbally over discord voice to a small number of weirdo literature and classics student friends who are willing to humour me. I'm an arts student too, but animation hardly required I actually write an essay to a literature degree's standard. Lol.

DE-PERSONING. AND LOOP. OH JESUS . LOOP .

Siffrin de-persons themselves a lot. I say de-person rather than dehumanise because, well, there's a subtle difference there. Siffrin doesn't see themselves as vermin or an animal or an object, but they do seem to see themselves as lesser, not requiring the respect they grant others. They aren't, you know, a 'real person'.

People get to have things like thoughts and wants and identities. Siffrin is, at best, Just Siffrin. They have what they have and they don't ask for more and they don't (CAN'T) feel too strongly on what they do have!

When Loop at first offers their pronouns they offer the Royal 'We'. This is at least a little bit, a joke. A nudge toward their true identity, a potential dig at themselves for becoming so understanding of The King. Mostly though, a joke on the first thing…. and a sign that they do not see themselves as a separate entity to the Siffrin stood before them.

When Siffrin rejects this, they settle for they/them. Loop drops the he/him, presumably partially to cover their tracks, but… They just showed their hand with the 'Royal We', and if you wanted to go even further with this, there's no way for us to know whether Loop is treating this pronoun as singular or not. They presumably are, but it is still a potentially plural pronoun.

Loop… Clearly does not see themselves as a person. It's, I would say, a completely reasonable assumption that the form they have taken reflects implicit feelings toward themselves as less than a person, an actor, a monster, a tool, a means to an end. They are rendered inhuman by The Universe, frivolous distractions removed. No mouth, inventory and clothes confiscated, nothing between the legs. Formed roughly in the shape of a person to allow them to do their only job: Help.

Loop's body does not make logical sense, given their continued ability to sleep, dream and their continued habit of deep breaths to self-soothe. It would seem to me, it was made in the image it was, with only the tools it needed to Help Siffrin. Why obfuscate their identity? Because giving the game away too early would likely make them lose hope. Why so deeply, thoroughly star themed? An instant signal, that even if a stranger, they are an ally. They are home.

[Image: Loop saying that they take naps and dream, and evidence of Loop habitually attempting to breathe in the twohats lose-to-loop ending]

And they… Degender themselves. No longer with any bodily signifiers of masculinity, and cruelly disallowed the ability to hide themselves beneath fabric, they are null. The spoiler Q&A (paratext, as it were) states that:

Q. Is Loop: 1. Actually comfortable with both he and they, but only gave the one pronoun to emphasize the distance? 2. Only using they/them because a large life event led to a shift in identity/ how they’d like to be perceived? or 3. time lops stole he from they they :( A. Mostly that first one. But all three of those reasons have a bit of truth to them.

While the 'mostly the first one' comment does imply that Loop would not baulk at being he/him'd (similar to how Siffrin does not), the other reasons, especially the second, having 'a bit of truth' does lend credence to this reading. That Loop's self-perception has shifted, and what I posit, is that this shift is in tandem with a disconnection with humanity. Due, presumably, to the dehumanising experience of the timeloop.

Loop has no biology to speak of, and yet they remain blind in one eye. I take this as an implication that they considered this so core to themselves, to who they could remember being, that it stayed. Even if they had forgotten their own face, trapped in a part of the house with no mirrors, they knew they couldn't see. They kept this, and yet seemingly they, or The Universe, or both of them in tandem, discarded all else.

This isn't like…. Healthy behaviour. That is for certain. But it is interesting that Siffrin and Loop seem to hold on to their masculinity by a thread, and that Loop, when actually given the excuse to make a choice, chooses the Neutral Option. Siffrin might de-person themselves, but Loop, Loop is absolutely dehumanising themselves. From Loop's own mouth (or lack thereof) do they call themselves a Corpse. That's… pretty damn bad.

TANGENT 2: POTENTIAL IMPLICATIONS OF THE JAPANESE TRANSLATION.

Did somebody say 'distance'? Yeah turns out that has some more potential evidence. In the form of First Person Pronouns. See, English, with its third person only pronouns relies on others to gender you. Japanese, you get to gender yourself. And Siffrin specifically has an interesting discrepancy in the way he refers to himself.

(DISCLAIMER: I . DO NOT KNOW MUCH ABOUT JAPANESE. THIS IS SECOND-HAND KNOWLEDGE. SOURCED FROM THIS TUMBLR POST AND OTHER QUICK SKIMS OF WIKIPEDIA)

Loop and Siffrin use the same, very neutral "mostly male but could go either way" pronoun of 僕 boku. Safe, soft friendly pronoun. Used by people on the younger side of adulthood, not so impolite that you can't use it in a formal setting. Such a neutral all-rounder that female singers in japan tend to use boku in their songs to relate to the audience with quiet confidence.

And in their internal monologue? Siffrin uses a completely different pronoun. In his head, for himself, he uses 自分 jibun. Now, this may be an artefact of the monologue's english second-person "You", since jibun can also be used to mean a very neutral "self". A "myself/herself/himself" type 'self'. But when used as a first person pronoun, it has a connotation of being… distant, introspective. Which is… a fascinating implication, if that was the intent.

But I don't know anything about japanese so ! If I'm off the mark, discard this!

LOOP, PART 2: MAYBE NOT A GREAT STATE TO BE IN.

While Siffrin I can comfortably argue that they can like, keep their current gender presentation, whatever you may perceive it to be, once the game is over, Loop, I cannot.

Siffrin's potential issues with their identity are ones that honestly feel like they would best be explored with gentle refinement and searching. They don't need to violently seperate themselves from what they are now, far from it, in fact. They need to learn to grow comfortable in their own skin, and with the people they love. To become open and trusting, with an open mind to where it may lead.

Loop has already lost this battle. They don't get to refine anymore, just pick up the pieces. While I don't necessarily think radical change is Good for Loop, I think they may Need It. For them, resting will probably become stagnation (see: napping all day under the tree, resigned, really, to the idea they're stuck there forever.), they need a shake-up in order to re-find their feet. Even if they end up right back where they started, they still need to do the actual painful process of soul-searching first.

Problem is, they're still rather avoidant. So it basically becomes a question of getting them into a situation where this exploration is forced upon them. At which point, that's a whole new plotline. This becomes fanfiction. Hence, why while I think Transfem-Egg Loop is a Valid Read when extrapolated from Siffrin… I must concede any actual adventures into them acting upon that as headcanon territory. I just do not know how you would get them there without making a whole new Thing, at which point it stops being Just A Read of the text haha. It doesn't help that Loop and Siffrin (grudgekeepers supreme) both have reason to spite the Change God after who was phone.

As for whether this egg-read reflects directly back on to Siffrin? Maybe! They are the same person. But I think that, especially with Vaugarde's lax views, and their actual differences (Loop's general worse mania // Siffrin's incentive to stay a reminder to themselves and Loop of their country) means they could easily go two different routes, along the road to becoming their own distinct individuals. (And in all honesty, growing into their differences is probably the more healthy option in the long run if you're keeping Loop around? But again, we are going so far into the future here this is no longer a read. And I am not here to dispense baseless headcanons without massive disclaimer, so…)

Tl;Dr:

Siffrin's Survival-Apathy and hesitance to change feels really thematic to their being 'what's left' of their homeland

They seem unsettled by the flippancy of the Change Religion at times, clinging to the familiar to cope with the trauma of displacement.

Mal du pays speaks of them that they have not 'tried' to change, showing an insecurity there, even outside of the literal stagnance of the loops.

They are self assured to Mira that one does not have to change, in a very genuinely personal impulsive statement.

They and others exclude themselves from being "A Man", but Siffrin keeps desires to explore their expression to themselves.

The Universe belief, seemingly in Siffrin's view of it, disincentivises Free Will and Wants very heavily. It is not hard to assume they extend this to all elements of their life.

They have self-admittedly never pursued tangible change, likely due to this aversion to choice. Despite this, they express interest in changing, seeming nonplussed with their body, and house at least some desire for more traditionally feminine expression.

Oh Good God. Loop Sure Does Not Treat Themselves Like A Person. Why Does That Come With A Pronoun Change? What Does That Mean?

But most of all:

It makes them such a fascinating foil and lens to Change and characters who believe in it! It makes them eerily similar to The King! It opens up such fascinating debate between characters like themselves and Mirabelle, Isabeau and Loop, on whether or not they want to change in future, or if it truly is okay to never radically change yourself! What genuinely fertile ground for dialogues. And man if I'm not heavily drawn towards dialogues.

(End of essay! Congratulations for making it the whole way! 🎉 I hope this nightmarish deep dive helps with understanding some of the ways I've been writing Siffrin and Loop too. Since while I've not ever focused on the gender side of it (and probably won't in comic form) this does pervade my view of the two, since it would be impossible for it to Not. As you can see, I do think it is pretty relevant to both their themes.)

(Now for some bonus material)

ADDENDUMS:

PERSONAL BIAS NOTE:

Not included in this analysis since this is more a Pet Theme of my own (usually kept quarantined to the realms of my OCs), but something else I see in Siffrin is a reflection of the Dude Issue(tm) of patriarchal irl society disincentivisng Dudes(tm) from ever fucking introspecting ever.

I'm curious about nonbinary/trans characters who have no idea they’re nonbinary/trans because they’ve been disincentivised from thinking/doubting their identity due to societal power structures or simply tradition. I dig around the themes of “a lot of guys are trapped in a societal prison without ever knowing and it makes them miserable but they can’t escape because they don’t even see the cage” like, a lot, in my personal work. It intrigues me. So bleh, cards on the table there. That mode of interacting with nb/trans characters is one I'm inclined to.

This kinda goes hand in hand with the watsonian vs doylist situation i took an aside to mention. But it is so far along the doylist side that I didn't want to include it, since it is a little too assumptive of the text for my comfort. I don't think the game necessarily has much commentary on this specific Societal Bind. But if it does, then hey, there's my thoughts on it.

STRAY SIDE NOTES AND HEADCANONS ABOUT OTHER CHARACTERS (AS A TREAT FOR GETTING THIS FAR):

MID-GAME OBSERVATION ABOUT BONNIE AND ODILE THAT I NEVER WENT BACK TO VERIFY:

I got the impression that Bonnie heavily favours they/them pronouns for Siffrin, and Odile he/him, as a bit of presumed character voice. I don't know that I am right, literally at all, in that observation, because it very well could've been confirmation bias.

BUT! It did give me the impression that one of the things Bonnie was idolising about Siffrin was a degree of "wow!! older person with my gender!! wow!!", which is just like, cute. I like it even if I don't have any solid evidence.

ODILE, WHAT'S HER DEAL?:

Oh she stays just as mysterious as she intends to be, huh? Even with her comments in the Changing Room alluding to knowing things about underground changing operations, you can't draw much of a conclusion about her. I appreciate verily that she's word-of-god unlabelled and also poly. That shit's great. Woman who has stopped drawing lines or caring what she's up against. Nice characterisation flavour I think.

Anyway, I do think that transfem Odile is a really, really nice take. I have no evidence in either direction for her in either direction, and her being a woman of any description makes her relationship with her absent mother something interesting to chew on, but the idea that she pursued womanhood intentionally lends an interesting texture. I've not much to say, but it's a thread to pull on. Makes you wonder what other female role models she had in her life instead. Anyway she's mysterious as fuck I can't extrapolate Jack nor Squat. Shrug! I'm also made curious by the idea of her potentially moving away from womanhood as she feels the weight of her history lifted. This goes either way, really. Diagnosis: mysterious.

HEADCANON NOTE: INTERSEX SIFFRIN

I don't have any in-text support for this so this entire thing is an unbased headcanon to me. but i DO like it because 1. fun and 2. potential for more thematic exploration

haha gotcha its fuckin themes again. its always themes with me.

But yeah. Not much to say here besides drawing a parallel (that I believe I've seen drawn elsewhere in the fandom already?) between ISAT's comments on how a society that values change would view Aroace identities, and how Mira feels about not wanting to change with the real world experiences of Intersex people having alteration and conformity forced upon them, saying the Change Belief would likely be just as bad for them as it is for aroace people.

So, adding it to Siffrin's situation further drags them into the opposition-to-change foil role. Which like I said, think has a lot to explore.

HEADCANON NOTE: A POTENTIAL METHOD FOR GETTING LOOP OUT OF THEIR GOD DAMNED COMFORT ZONE

I think utilising Loop's contrarianism is an effective and funny way to get them to explore their gender. I personally think running with them trying to hide their identity from the party is a hilarious way to do it. Having them try to position themselves in direct opposition to Siffrin to "throw the party off their trail" (not that i think they really need to?), going full feminine-revealing-clothing because it's NOT what a Siffrin would do and accidentally growing accustomed to it. Funny to me. Especially when the party eventually do find out who they are and go . "????? what was the girl stuff about ??? is that something you wanna do now ???".

[Isabeau] "Ohhhh it was a bit! Haha you really are Sif, still a jokester!" [Loop] "HAHA YEAH . JOKES. LOVE THOSE. LOVE TO MAKE JOKES!" [Isabeau] "Yep! Anyway. Tell me if you need anything!"

Bonus bonus:

[Siffrin] "Okay, so, if you're a girl. Does this reflect on like… me?" [Loop] "No doubles. Get your own gender, parasite~!"

[decentishoutsidersthoughts]

hi!! do you have any favorite hcs for each of the gang members?

I have a few headcannons! If anyone wants to hear more about these I’d love to elaborate!

TW for child abuse in Steve and Johnny’s parts, and thoughts of suicide in Johnny’s first headcannon

ℙ𝕠𝕟𝕪𝕓𝕠𝕪 ℂ𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕚𝕤

My guy is honestly lacking in friends at school. Most of the gang either dropped out a long time ago or are in a completely different grade. He gets along with people on the track team and stuff but most of them kinda just see him as ‘cool enough’ and not really a friend

One time one of the guys from the team held a party and nobody told him about it. When he found out he tried to act like it didn’t matter to him but it still stung. He didn’t even want to go, it was just the idea that nobody bothered to invite him

He’d be that one kid in college that didn’t have a lot of freedom during high school and just goes absolutely crazy. It takes him a semester to learn how to use his free will responsibly. I actually have a lot of Ponyboy college headcanons if anyone would be interested in those.

When he learns to drive he’s actually a pretty good driver, and people trust him to take them places. The only problem is that he seems to be a magnet for terrible drivers. Like he gets on the road and suddenly nobody around him remembers wtf a turn signal is.

He definitely curses out people when he’s driving. Darry has straight up given up on trying to correct his language behind the wheel

𝕊𝕠𝕕𝕒𝕡𝕠𝕡 ℂ𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕚𝕤

I’ve mentioned this one before, but he cannot STAND people being angry with him. Like he will just agree with whatever the gang asks to keep peace. It’s a lot of the reason why he hates being pulled into arguments, because he can’t avoid upsetting someone.

Sometimes when Darry and Ponyboy are going at it he’ll just straight up leave without being noticed. He honestly started pushing how much he could get away with it until he eventually did get caught after he was still gone at 4am. Darry felt too guilty to even be able to lecture him.

Because of his aversion to conflict him and Darry hardly ever argue, but when they do it’s UGLY. It’s like a whole world war breaking out in the living room. It’ll almost always end with Soda sobbing and Darry usually just has to like, leave for a while. One time they didn’t talk for three days. People don’t even try to get between them because it always makes things worse. In the end they always manage to talk it out though, sometimes it just takes a while.

Less angsty one, Soda makes people go on walks with him in the middle of the night. Usually it’s Steve, but he’ll take Ponyboy if there’s no school the next day. One time he even made Dally come with him by threatening to go by himself if he didn’t come lol. As much as everyone complains about it, they never tell him no.

In school he had detention like every single day. All his teachers absolutely despised him and he would’ve had to redo his junior year if he hadn’t dropped out.

𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕣𝕪 ℂ𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕚𝕤

During high school he’d get really pissed when his Soc friends beat up Greasers. He actually got a couple of them to stop completely, but others just learned to do it without getting caught. They all knew better than to mess with the gang, though,

Speaking of high school, he just straight up wasn’t welcome into most of his friend’s homes. Only Paul’s parents actually liked him, and only like two other people’s parents even pretended to like him.

Darry waited until after his parents funeral to cry so that his brother wouldn’t see him. The priest came and sat with him for a little bit while he just sobbed hysterically.

Sometimes he sits by their graves and asks for advice. He doesn’t get any, obviously, but he always leaves with his mind a little more clear than it was before.

���𝕠𝕙𝕟𝕟𝕪 ℂ𝕒𝕕��

When the Socs jumped him, he honestly thought he was going to die. That scared him, but that scared him even more was the fact that he wasn’t that upset about it. It wasn’t until the gang showed up that he realized how much he really didn’t want to die now, but in the moment it almost felt like a nice release.

For a couple weeks after the Curtis parents died, he’d come over every day and just do chores and cook. He didn’t feel like it was a lot, but to Darry who had to do a million things at once while barely being able to get out of bed it meant so much.

Sometimes he’ll sit by the train tracks, and whenever a train rolls by he’ll think about jumping on it and just running away from everything. But he can’t stand the idea of leaving Ponyboy and Dally, so he doesn’t.

Him and Steve don’t talk much, but they have the common ground of coming from shitty home lives. Sometimes they’ll just come to eachother to get an injury taken care of or just to breathe for a minute, and then they’ll just never mention it again.

𝔻𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕒𝕤 𝕎𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕟

Tulsa was supposed to just be a temporary stop for him until he met Johnny. Then he decided staying a few weeks wouldn’t hurt. Sometimes he still tells himself he’ll leave eventually, but he knows that’ll never happen.

Before the Curtis parents died part of him looked up to Darry and the way he took care of the gang. That went away after the Curtis parents died and everything started falling apart, but for a while he saw Darry as what he used to want to be.

Him and Tim Shepard have an unspoken agreement that one can piss the other off when they want a fight. At this point it’s basically a challenge to see who can make the other angrier. Dallas won when sold Angela drugs for a party.

Two-Bit, Steve, and Soda will constantly be dragging him to incredibly sketchy parties. They claim it’s for protection but really they just wanna hang out and they know he can’t say no if he’s worried about them getting murdered in a back alley.

𝕋𝕨𝕠-𝔹𝕚𝕥 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕨𝕤

He met Darry when they were in elementary school, and they’re best friends. He’s also been a designated babysitter for as long as he could remember. Him and Darry don’t hang out a ton anymore, but they’re still the first person eachother go to when they need help.

Idk if yall have seen that video where they’re making a drink without knowing what everyone else put into it, and everyone is putting in mixers cause they don’t trust Ali. And then at the end Ali shows up and pours in like half a bottle of ever clear. Ali is Two-Bit.

Him and his sister are insanely close. They’re constantly having tea parties and gossip sessions. He made Soda teach him how to do hair just so that he could do hers.

𝕊𝕥𝕖𝕧𝕖 ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕝𝕖

One of the most loyal motherfuckers you’ll ever meet. He doesn’t actually like a lot of people, but he will literally kill for the people he does.

Evie isn’t allowed in the Curtis house anymore, not because they don’t like her, but everyone just got sick of watching Steve and her make out. She’s unofficially banned from the DX for the same reason. (Something Steve found very unfair because Soda and Sandy were just as bad the second Darry was gone)

His dad used to be really violent when he was younger, but as he got older he also got stronger and his dad got weaker. Things aren’t bad anymore because his dad knows that if Steve gets scared enough then he WILL kill him.

Absolutely loves speeding down the road in the middle of the night. He’ll drag Soda and Evie on VERY illegal joy rides. Tbh even when he’s not breaking road laws for fun he still drives like an absolute maniac. 

[trans-luis-serra-navarro]

I remember there was a headcanon about Luis attending a school that had secret connections with Umbrella. Now I can't help but think if Leon and Luis have a kid, they would do extensive background checks on schools their kid would attend, because they'll want to make sure none of those schools were associated with Umbrella/have ties to corrupt companies/organizations.

Thank you so much for sending in an ask!!!!!!! But yesyesyesyesyes I know the headcannon you’re talking about!!!!!! From memory I think either @geddy-leesbian or @hamartia-grander made some pretty extensive posts going into this idea??? Either way its really fascinating to think about!!!!

For those of you who don’t know, the headcannon/theory basically revolves around the fact that Luis was able to graduate school seemingly pretty quickly/was considered a ‘child prodigy’, and that in-universe theres a few characters who attended schools created specifically by Umbrella to essentially indoctrinate them; one of the most notable being the Umbrella Executive Training School that William and Wesker attended.

Umbrella has a few random facilities like this (like the Rockford Prison) And considering the fact that Europe seemed to be a relatively big hub for Umbrella, it DEFINITELY wouldn’t be much of a stretch to say that they’d have a similar school with the intent of training/indoctrinating ‘child prodigies’ to work for them in the future, and it’d be even less pf a stretch to assume that Luis, who came from a VERY sheltered religious background, would be a very easy subject to pick (cuz! yippee!! capitalist grooming am i right or am i right!!) It’d also absolutely lend a hand to why Luis grabbed as many items as he could and just BOOKED IT immediately after finding out what their plans for Nemesis REALLY were (I could talk about that part of his life/that realisation for HOURS oh my GOD)

EDIT I FORGOT TO ADD: Umbrella on some level does work quite like a cult. I’ll link a post that does a MUCH better job explaining it than I could in the replies of this post, but creating facilities for the sole purpose of indoctrinating already vulnerable young people into being on board with your project and isolating them from friends and family is like. Cult behaviour 101 BFNEHENDJDJ which is VERY painful to think about how Luis got roped into cults THREE times. Valdelobos before Saddler showed up wasn’t EXPLICITLY a cult, but considering it was isolated from modern society and heavily Catholic theres a strong argument to be made- then of course theres Umbrella- then of course he was blackmailed into working with Los Illuminados. I’ll make a post going deeper into that SOMEDAY, but like,,,, just the tragedy of his life being one big cycle he cant break is just. So devastating man are you KIDDING ME

I’m not like. SUUUUUPER knowledgeable on super obscure lore stuff like locations/facilities etc, so if you have a question about that specifically @highball66 would probably be a better person to ask!!!!

But again we know like. NOTHING about the inbetween time between Luis running away from Valdelobos as a child and him popping up as one of Umbrella’s top scientists other than the fact that he was a child prodigy and he excelled in college- hell even the dates/ages get kinda wonky at times BHFNEHENEUDNSIS but also this is Resident Evil where things get wonky a lot of the time so!!! Eh!!!!!!!

I have my own personal theory on what he did during that time inbetween I would be SO MORE THAN HAPPY to ramble about HDNEHENDJDN

BUT TO THE POINT OF YOUR QUESTION!!! YES!!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!! Plus just in general with Leon having a lot more enemies than friends, doing background checks on teachers or whatever would probably seem like paranoia to an outsider but to them?????? Nah you can NEVER be safe. Plus Leon’s like, a government agent- he obviously doesn’t have a TON of autonomy but I can imagine he at least has SOME power to dig up information on people. AND, the both of them literally went through hell and back to save Ashley, who was kidnapped right under the presidents nose- So like!! Hell yeah they’d be paranoid abt where their kids going man!!!!!!!! Rightfully so I think!!!

[atopvisenyashill]

I think a couple of the reasons we didn't see Helaena's birth is that a) it's not plot relevant. All other births either introduce a new status quo or major plot point (i.e Rhaenyra giving birth to Joffrey, as opposed to Jace - that way we can time jump and have all three kids already born but the notion of them being illegitimate is still introduced) or they end in death (Laena, Aemma, Baelon, Visenya).

And then another reason could simply be the optics of having Emily act out a birth scene. Ironic, given all the birth scenes are horrific, but this is a character introduced when she was 14. I don't think she could be more than 16 or 17 when she had Helaena. I can see why they shied away from it, or why it may never have even been a consideration to show it.

Well my argument here is that this whole show is about child birth and the way it affects The Family Unit and if we are establishing rival Family Units, we must include the basis of how the family unit is established, which is childbirth (in the context of feudal systems anyway). This show has a long, drawn out birthing scene with a lot of commentary over how dangerous and violent labor is and how dangerously violent our society treats new mothers with the birth scenes of Aemma, Laena, and Rhaenyra’s two (2) scenes, and these mark the beginning, middle, and end of the season, so it is an odd, frustrating exclusion to not at least attempt to include Alicent starting her labor and to straight up never see Helaena even pregnant at all. And when I said “have the plot happen while Rhaenyra is pregnant” you can easily do that with Alicent imo - if Helaena isn’t relevant enough (though I would argue Alicent birthing a Valyrian daughter is in fact VERY relevant to the status quo, it’s why Helaena is married off at only 13), we can easily futz with the timeline to include Aemond or Daeron’s birth around Rhaenyra’s wedding.

As for the second one……..okay idk how to phrase this without sounding like a sociopath here but if they were worried about “how are audiences going to react to Emily Carrey who is only 17/18 having a baby” my response is git gud ryan!!!!! they’re clearly trying to explore a concept they completely axed in the original, which is Structural Patriarchy And The Pedophilic Sexualization Of Young Girls in hotd, which was why they a) casted milly who was like 20 and has a baby face and b) aged down and casted Emily, who was roughly the same age as Alicent after the first time jump. And if you’re going to explore those themes, you have to EXPLORE those themes and that includes how (in show) Alicent and Helaena are not even of age by THEIR standards when they marry and give birth the first time, and Rhaenyra is massively sexualized and groomed by most of the men around her from the age of like 12 until she’s married at 17. This is the exact same violence that is enacted against Aemma being enacted on Alicent, and I think a more direct parallel of “yes Viserys forcing Alicent to have his kid at 15 is as god awful as Viserys cutting Aemma open” you NEED to have Alicent give birth with the younger actor and make the audience SQUIRM with discomfort, the same way they do when they have baby Laena parrot that stuff about giving Viserys strong sons, and Rhaenys say explicitly that she hates what’s happening.

I get the issue surrounding “emily was very young on set” but a) that’s why this whole series should have been animated and b) you can do this without even showing Alicent too much. One point of criticism I tend to have for another Historical Fantasy Show (Outlander, no one laugh at me, it’s a good fucking show and Catriona has been ROBBED of recognition for it) is how often they just throw in graphic ass rape scenes where I don’t feel it’s necessary but a point i give them credit is that when they got pushback about how often we are seeing People Straight Up Raped On Screen they got creative with how they filmed those scenes.

(spoilers obviously) but for the rape scene involving Brianna, where she enters a room attempting to get her ring back, and is raped as “payment” for it by Bonnett, the camera has Bonnett close the door so all we see is the people outside listening to Brianna scream. Some of them look uncomfortable. Some of them look at the door but do nothing. One woman trips over Bonnett’s boots outside the door and fixes them. The door opens and you just see Brianna in shock, getting her things, and leaving, but you otherwise see Nothing. The scene after that involves Claire being kidnapped from her home and gang raped over the span of a day or two, before being rescued by her family. Every time the rape starts up again, Claire enters a fantasy in her mind. She’s in the present day (in canon she lives in 1700s America, but she came from the 60s) and the family she’s made in the past are at a celebration with her, dressed in the present day. Characters that have died are there and happy. Her adopted son sits next to her biological daughter. The scene shifts and Claire is in her 1700s clothes in her 1960s house with Jamie, her husband, and she’s crying and he cups her cheek and whispers “it’s just the two of us now.” The rape scene ends. Later, as she’s struggling to deal with it, we see the bruises on her body because she is naked in bed with Jamie, wanting to be intimate but scared of sex, and he cradles her and says “you’re a strong thing” as the camera lets us see the damage done to her.

So, you can have it there without us seeing it. You can have Alicent be afraid as her contractions start. Viserys somewhere else not giving a shit. Rhaenyra outside the room wanting to comfort Alicent but not enough to swallow her pride. Otto more worried about the baby and quipping to Rhaenyra than he is about Alicent. Alicent laying in bed, upset, shaking, unable to hold her baby just yet. There’s a lot of freedom to get creative when you’re working with a visual medium!

[sugarepoxy]

hey sorry if this is weird but this is @chip-and-the-bastards (it's a sideblog so I can't ask with it) and since we're up against each other for the jrwi au showdown I wanted to ask about Blood in the Deadwood‼️ it seems like a cool au but tumblr search function isn't showing me if you have anything for it on this blog! So here take this as an opportunity to ramble about it and also maybe give some propaganda!

anyway feel free to ignore if you don't wanna aha :]

Oh HELLL YEAHHHHHH!!!!!

well first of all @tobeywobey was also very involved in making it so make sure you also give them creds ! ! He worked on a LOT of the lore so i really wanna give them proper creds lol. Also the search didnt work because both toby and I haven't post much of anything publicly about it LMAO

BASICALLY its the prime defenders characters but in a kind of Galloway/Deadwood hybrid place if that makes sense. Each character fills the role of another character(s) in blood in the bayou (for example cantrip basically plays the role of Becky in this au.) its pretty cannon compliant to the events of blood in the bayou, except for a few changes, like things happening for different reasons and events being changed. Also there is no superpowers in this au :)

the thing Toby and I changed most was probably the events leading up to the main three going back to deadwood. In this AU Dakota is the one that knows Ashe the best, Will and Vynce are less acquainted with her. This is because she fills the role of Rachel so we wanted it to closer match the relationship that Kian and Rolan had with her when they were younger. so basically Dakota introduces Ashe to the other two a couple years before the events of this AU take place in deadwood, and they all eventually leave for w own reasons. Will dies like in PD canon, is resurrected as a bug sorta like how Rolan is, except he knows that he's a bug and keeps it secret. Ashe goes missing suddenly and Mark immediately starts investigating. The boys talk to mark about any leads or information, and it all leads to Deadwood. Also somewhere along there Williams "parents" die. Some more noatable things that happen in these few years is that vynce and cantrip have a relationship thats more like a situationship, and the three of them start a dnd campaign but never finish it.

They all go to Deadwood Because of Ashe's disappearance but vynce and will also have other reasons. Vynce really wants to finish this fuckin dnd campaign, and will felt the most obligated to go because he's part of the hive (and also his parents funeral was happening there anyways.) Will is also the one that is the most hesitant to go in the first place.

Then the BITB cannon stuff happens! They greet Doug (who plays the role of rat in this AU,) go to quickstop, see The Horrors, all that stuff. They obviously react in different ways and do different things than the BITB pcs, but it all still leads to them going to points of interest and having the big events happen to them the same. One notable change is that Will sees doug in the alley, pasteified, but is really curious about what actually happened to him instead of being horrified of the human sludge (Will is so fucking insane in this au.) Another is that will convinces Dakota that they need to leave (like how kian does) but while they are driving away will and dakota get into an argument wich leads to dakota grabbing the wheel from him and they end up swerving into the membrane wall.

Unfortunately thats where we stopped writing stuff down lmao so for the propaganda section of this ramble i will be taking from the character info toby wrote

-PROPAGANDA TIME-

Vyncent is a huge fantasy nerd and he has those hot topic elf ear cuffs. Half of his character motivation is wanting to finish that godamn dnd game!!!

William wisp is 10x more insane

wiwi carries a shotgun around locked and loaded from the very beginning

vynce gets some cool buggy limbs :)

Ashe is trans mtf and in the notes we referred to getting bugged as "contracting malaria" so we called her "our malaria girlfriend" and now in my head ashe will always be my favorite malaria girlfriend ❤️

Mark kind of plays the role of John Rand and he is also in love with that stupid caveman show

Mark and tide have a perry and doofenshmirtz dynamic. They both have radically different theories on what is happening to the town and argue constantly, but when they aren't being crazy people they get along

Tide fills the role of Mr. Dickman and he has a secret bunker chalk full of beef stroganoff. He also has a huge fucking blackboard where he writes all his theories (he just has "MALARIA" written down in all caps)

Tide has a little bit of a crazy old guy reputation in town

Cantrip gets fucking shot by William because of a one sided rivalry wiwi has had since middle school

LE FROG IS OFFICER DUDES‼️‼️

This concludes the ramblings, i wish everyone happy voting and good luck in the au torment!!! :D

[pearlzier]

since we're sharing stories, this isn't multiple. this is one fat ass story.

for context, let's call the girls involved t, b, j and d. t is one of those mean girls who was in those huge ass friend groups that every school had that would like smoke and drink and stuff. b was a friend of mine, j was a part of t's friend group and her best friend and d was a stuckup little bitch that no one likes. d's mother was one of the more important lawyers in the city. keep that in mind, it's relevant.

now b and d were best friends. would literally do everything together. and that of course involved sharing secrets! but when the eighth grade came along, b joined t's friend group after some petty argument she had with d. b was also kind of a bitch so she spilled all of d's secrets, one of which was the fact that d was gossiping to everyone about j. keep in mind j was one of those girls that. started fights for whatever reason AND SHE WAS DATING D'S CRUSH THAT ALSO GOT FOUND OUT THROUGH B.

so one lunch break, we were all hanging around in our classroom when suddenly j came to the door and started looking for d even coming in (which was a strict nono in our middle school, no entering other classrooms) meanwhile d was hiding in the bathroom waiting for lunch break to end. but j found her and it was whole ass thing like. teachers had to separate them because it was a full on fight. tearing literal clumps of hair out. d left crying and we all RAN because we knew her mom would have killed us because of course she was already called.

the next day the schools guidance counselor calls our whole class to explain the situation and we were all like shit we don't know we weren't there because. no one liked d and we didn't wanna be snitches. and the guidance counselor actually liked our class so she let us off the hook BUT D'S MOM DIDN'T. we had art fourth period and we were making some clay statue thing when her mom bursts right in (teacher was sleeping or smth miss girl was high on headache pills)

we were all like. shaking in our boots because we were like thirteen we didn't know what was going on. and she starts screaming that she's gonna put us, eighth graders, in PRISON for not protecting her baby girl. our homeroom teacher was called and the mom took the principal to court. which she obviously lost.

cue three months later we were celebrating the end of eighth grade when d comes in with her mom AND HER DAD AND HER GRANDMA and they start taking like pictures of us and the teacher asked what they were doing and her mom said these pictures will be going on the newspaper! and ofc we all called home and our parents were there in a split second and called the cops for idk what the charge is called but like. taking video without consent or smth.

police arrived. at our school. dragged this mother off of school grounds, deleted all her photos and videos of us and then she threatened to press charges on the police. she only didn't get arrested because the police here are. corrupt and take bribes.

all four girls are still attending school and 3/4 are in my class. that was the most traumatic experience ive ever had.

OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK ???? OH SHES INSANE THATS. IM SO SORRY WHAT THE HELL

[chamerionwrites]

i genuinely did not intend for my previous ask to come off as accusatory. i have ASD and have problems conveying and interpreting tone, so if it seemed like i was trying to paint you as something you’re not then i sincerely apologize. you are, however, correct in pointing out that there’s a lot frustration tied to the topic for me, as i’ve time and time again seen people use innocuous-sounding statements about the importance of not being judgmental wrt:kinks as a fig leaf for their habitual pushing of survivors’ boundaries on topics like rape and things like “consent play,” “raceplay,” “ageplay,” etc. as a survivor myself i find much of this stuff extremely triggering, and i’m tired of seeing people whose blogs are plastered with things like simulated SA and CSAM take advantage of others’ good faith when they say things like “don’t judge people for taboo kinks,” knowing that most will assume they mean stuff like vore or inflation or whatever. i’m trying to imply that you are one of those people, but i don’t think people realize how generally positive statements like “don’t judge others’ kinks” can be co-opted by those with harmful intentions.

So first I want to say that it's understandable for these subjects to be emotionally taxing (and yeah, triggering), and also that it's kind of a lot to deal with in the space of a Tumblr post. I'm going to try to be both careful and somewhat concise - and sometimes those things can be read as condescending and curt. I appreciate your clarification, I'm trying to answer sincerely, and it is not my intention to come across as either of those things.

Also, we live in the worst timeline where when people say "CSA" they can mean anything on the gamut from horrible crimes such as actual children being assaulted, to ~horrible crimes~ such as having sex ed books in the library or, you know, gay people existing in public. I'm going to assume that you are neither asking me about irl child abuse nor about some cute picture book where two ladies hold hands. My impression from everything you've said here and in the other ask is that your frustrations are centered around people having kinks or sexual fantasies that have something to do with pain/violence/consent/age/etc, and also artistic depictions of sexual violence and/or of underaged characters in sexual situations (again, I'm not certain how broadly you define this; I've seen people object vehemently to coming of age novels that include teenagers having sex, or to eroticized fan art of grown-up versions of young characters). If that general outline of your concerns is off-base somehow, I apologize for misunderstanding.

With those caveats out of the way, there are basically three points I want to touch on:

Point #1 is that all kinds of good/true/useful statements can be and often are co-opted by people with harmful ideas and/or intentions, and that this is not a reflection on the validity of the original statement. It's unsettlingly common for people to advance violently racist arguments about population control on the basis that climate change is happening. This doesn't mean that climate change isn't happening, or that anybody who says "climate change is happening" is responsible for every conceivable way that someone could twist that statement for their own ends. Russian war propaganda (and I am singling out Russia because it's a very current example, but arguments in this vein are a staple of war propaganda generally) says that because neo-nazis exist and are bad (true!), invading Ukraine is good (no). Obviously I'm sketching very quick and broad outlines here because neither of those topics is what we're actually discussing, but I think you can see the point I'm making. It's totally understandable to be frustrated when people twist good arguments for bad ends, but that's not a reason to reject those arguments out of hand.

Point #2 is that "triggering" is a morally neutral descriptor. A lot of people - for fairly obvious and sympathetic reasons - find this hard to swallow. But if you reflect on specific scenarios it comes into focus pretty quickly; someone who was badly bitten by a neighbor's pet may find dogs triggering, but this doesn't make you a bad person for posting pictures of your puppy. A lot of people are triggered by really mundane and innocuous things that - at least to a casual observer - have no clear connection to the trauma itself. Plenty of people are triggered by stuff that's not just innocuous but generally agreed upon to be nice: birthdays, a kiss on the forehead, the smell of a certain food cooking. That's just how trauma works. We put trigger warnings on things so that people can make informed decisions about whether to avoid them or to brace themselves, not to mark those things as inherently immoral and tainted.

What I'm driving at here is that people can have every valid reason for being upset by something without it automatically following that the thing which upset them shouldn't exist. It is 100% understandable for survivors (or anyone else for that matter) to be disturbed by a rape scene in a film/show/book/whatever. That doesn't mean that it's morally wrong to write a rape scene; art is a means of discussing the human experience, some people writing those scenes have experienced rape, and all of us live with rape culture and have thoughts and emotions and experiences pertaining to it. That also doesn't mean that tasteless or exploitative or just plain bad art does not exist, or cannot be criticized as such. It means these things have to be judged on a case by case basis - how art handles sensitive subjects, not just the fact that it chooses to explore them - and that sometimes people are going to disagree about those judgments. That in itself can be scary and upsetting to come to terms with, and I get it. It's comforting to have hard and fast rules. It is so much easier to just say "nobody should ever write a rape scene" and be done with it. But imo that would hurt at least as many people as it helped - and most likely far more. If anything is shaming and silencing and soul-crushing to trauma survivors, in my experience, it is the insistence that to speak openly about violence is itself a form of violence.

Crucially, none of that means that you can't have boundaries. Anyone who insists on pushing those boundaries is absolutely and unequivocally in the wrong. At the same time, it's important to recognize that a boundary is a fence that you place around yourself, not a cage that you can order everybody else to stay inside. You're well within your rights to (eg) not read or discuss Lolita, but you can't ban other people from reading Lolita or discussing it in a public space like Tumblr.

Finally, Point #3: you are far from alone in being (at best) grossed out by certain kinks. You are not wrong that people can be pressured and coerced into things that they don't really want to do (which is equally true of the most vanilla of vanilla sex; in fact, if I had to guess, I'd wager that far more people have been pressured into sex acts that are commonly viewed as '''normal,''' specifically because they're viewed as normal - and thus mandatory, or at least weird to quibble about). And you are also not wrong that we live in a society. Of course kink does not exist in a vacuum. In the aforementioned rape culture, for example, it would be genuinely astonishing if a lot of people DIDN'T ever get their wires crossed between fear-arousal and sex-arousal and then fantasize about coercive or violent scenarios. To use a less loaded example, I think if you took a poll you could probably find a good number of people who at a formative age watched some film or other in which a sweaty handsome action hero got tied to a chair, and found that it Awakened Something in them. For that matter I don't even think something as simple as the number of people who get completely undone about boobs (as opposed to some other body part or erogenous zone) is entirely uninfluenced by the way women's bodies - and sexuality in general - are represented in pop culture.

And with all that said...human brains are individualized and complex and frequently pretty strange. Of course kink is influenced by the society we live in...but how exactly that influence plays out, how logical or 1:1 it is, is also individualized and complex and often strange. The primal monkeybrain is sometimes MUCH better at distinguishing different intensities of sensation/emotion than distinguishing different types of sensation/emotion (people cry when they're sad but also when they're furious, or frightened, or delighted, or deeply moved - or sometimes after really good sex, for that matter). Libido often operates very much in the realm of metaphor. Plenty of people do not literally want to fuck monsters, but are really into the rush of danger or the recognition of self in the other or just the idea of desire existing outside the limits of what is '''supposed''' to be desirable. Plenty of people do not literally want to be eaten, but really like the idea of being consumed.

All of which is to say that the reason people are reluctant to be judgmental about kink isn't that it's some magical zone where the rules of critical thinking don't apply. It's that you can't critically evaluate something when you're missing a ton of context, if you haven't been invited into somebody's bedroom you often are missing a ton of context on the whys and hows of what they're into, and there's no way you can demand someone explain all the fine details of their sex life to you without being the bad guy (that's, y'know, sexual harassment). I think it'd be pretty naive to say that nobody has ever kinked on something for cruel or dehumanizing reasons. I also think that cruelty and dehumanization are bad independent of how they're expressed. Abuse is wrong whether the perpetrator is as vanilla as a bottle of extract or the kinkiest person on the planet.

Does that make sense? What I'm saying is that all the potential ins and out of individual human sexuality between enthusiastically consenting adults are way above my pay grade, and what matters is that someone treats their partners (and also people they aren't sleeping with) respectfully and kindly. I don't think there's a world where somebody is into something specifically as a tool to mistreat people that doesn't lead to anyone being mistreated. And I think that sort of thing - actions, end results - is what's most feasible to judge if you don't want to be in the business of prosecuting thoughtcrimes.

Which I recognize is probably not the answer you were after, and like I said I think it's fully understandable to wish for a much more clean-cut and comforting answer when grappling with pretty fraught subjects. But I do think that even if you disagree with EVERYTHING else that I've said here, the basic stance that you're asking me about remains true: normal ≠ moral. Weirdness ≠ violence. Even in your ask above, you've drawn a distinction between non-normative behavior that you see as basically harmless and non-normative behavior that you see as harmful. Which says that we're in agreement that the fundamental question is whether someone's behavior is harmful, not whether someone's behavior is transgressive of social norms.

[thehomelybrewster]

Racial Ability Scores - Why even the physical ones are bad actually

Disclaimer: While in the headline and certain sections of the text I will use the term "race" and certain derivative words, I will mostly use the term "species" going forward, since that could be the term One D&D will use in the future.

So I was inspired by a video of D&D "hot takes" to write this, because one take presented in that video was that racial ability score bonuses represent reality, especially when looking at physical strength. The argument itself listed the tired example of orcs of course always being stronger than e.g. halflings, but let's examine this a bit further.

First of I'm not going to argue that mental ability score increases tied to species are a good idea. No species is wiser than others, or more charismatic, or whatever. Saying that a species should have a higher mental ability score than others by default is basically just phrenology. Mental capacity is predominantly based on nurture, with genetics playing only a marginal role. By creating a fictional system in which several species have predetermined differences in their baseline intelligence/wisdom/charisma can easily lead to that game mechanic reinforcing beliefs that similar things exist among human ethnic groups. End of story, there are many people smarter than me who have written or said more on this subject.

But the physical argument is also bad actually. For one excercise is a thing that exists, and while yes, certain physical characteristics which are based on genetics do allow for certain people to excel more in certain sports, applying that on a species-wide scale also can reinforce certain notions people have in real life about certain ethnic groups. This applies to all three physical ability scores.

While strength is the obvious one, making presumptions about dexterity and constitution is also bad, especially since the former is the most versatile physical ability score and is connected to two skills, sleight of hand and stealth, that have largely negative connotations.

However, in 5e's current state, there are no playable species that have negative modifiers anymore. Kobolds used to have a -2 in Strength, while orcs used to have a -2 to Intelligence. Otherwise, unless I am forgetting something, only NPC species listed in the DMG ever featured negative ability score modifiers and those basically were always intended as templates to build NPCs around anyway. Otherwise it was always clear that playable species seem to have at most bonuses in a stat. Elves and halflings were more dextrous, dwarves had high constitution, that sort of stuff. And honestly, while I get the argument that e.g. all goliaths should be stronger than gnomes... The game already has mechanics in place which give a more nuanced version of this.

The answer to that is size category and everything that entails! Size impacts the space you occupy, of course, but it also affects your carrying capacity, who you can grapple or shove, and what sorts of weapon you can use.

Grapples and shoves are limited to creatures at most one size category larger than yourself, so small species such as goblins can't grapple creatures larger than medium, aka most playable species. Meanwhile a human can wrestle larger foes, including stuff like horses. Given that one presumes that weight scales according to size, that makes sense and gives a certain degree of basic strength. Now the success chance is then based on the athletics skill, but already knowing that, rules as written, even a 20 strength gnome fighter with proficiency in athletics can't shove a horse says a lot. Mostly about the length of the limbs of the player character but still.

Carrying capacity and weapon usage are more clear-cut. Small and medium-sized creatures can carry a maximum of fifteen-times their strength score. Larger creatures can carry double that, tiny creatures half of that. Now obviously that system is very simple and designed to make players of smaller species not feel like they can carry far less than their medium-sized party members...

But there is a species feature that directly impacts this feature and creates a gradation: Powerful Build. Seen with half-orcs, goliaths, and a few others, it states that you count as one size larger in terms of calculating carrying capacity! Now to a certain extent this exists to also make species that border on being large-sized actually medium-sized while still conveying their actual size, but it also creates a three-tier system! Small creatures, if shrunk down one category, are now tiny and thus are easier to overencumber. Regular mediums can only carry more if enlarged one more size, while power build mediums are already at their peak performance and even if made tiny through intense magical effort they'd still have the carrying capacity of a small/medium creature!

The third aspect is weapon size. Small (and tiny) creatures already can't effectively use weapons that have the heavy property, like the maul, because they have disadvantage on the attacks with those weapons. Now weapons in 5e are presumed to be made for medium-sized creatures, but using the logic of the "Base the Damage on the Weapon" section in the DMG (p.277), if you create a monster using weapons, you increase the number of damage dice by one for each size category based on the original weapon. So a quarterstaff made to be used by a huge creature would deal 3d6/3d8 damage instead of the usual 1d6/1d8. Meanwhile most tiny weapons only deal a singular point of damage, as is evident with the sprite monster whose bow and sword only deal 1 damage each.

Now that means that if the players find a weapon made for a large creature, like an ogre, then I as the DM would probably rule that it is unusable for the small PCs, would only be usable with disadvantage for medium-sized PCs (and be unable to use it if it normally would have the heavy property), and PCs with powerful build could use it normally thanks to that species feature, though they'd be affected by the heavy property if the weapon has it normally. So that ogre's 2d6/2d8 quarterstaff would be a great price for any goliath or orc PC... Unless that poor bugger were dexterity-based!

All three of these aspects are based on mass and size but present different levels of potential and vulnerability. Still, given how versatile and powerful ability scores are in D&D, I'm glad that goblins and kobolds and the like don't have to work harder to hit hard in 5e than half-orcs or dragonborn have to, partially also because just because someone has longer arms or can carry heavier boxes doesn't translate to that person punching better (to me strength as an abiltiy score also always implies knowing how to use it better!). That's also why the many intelligence-based skills are necessary, because otherwise the net cast by these six numbers would be too widely cast if you don't try to add some nuance to that.

Anyway, the TL;DR is that the size category feature and the Powerful Build species feature are more than enough to replace physical ability score modifiers for species since just because someone the size of an adult can carry heavier boxes than someone the size of a kid, that doesn't mean they can always punch harder.

[mythica0]

Easter is coming up so I thought I would post this thing about my belief system from my notes! It’s just copy/pasted lol. But ask any questions you have and I will be happy to answer!

Holiday beings and what they really do

Obviously with my system of belief I believe in things like the tooth fairy, Easter bunny, Santa, etc etc. but yet there is some evidence that suggests they *couldnt* exist in the way most people think, so what is actually the case?

Well, for starters, let me mention the points I will be talking about of how they couldn’t exist normally.

1: Why don’t poor kids/kids in bad situations receive as good of stuff/anything at all of the parents aren’t in control?

2: Why don’t the parents receive anything themselves?

3: why can’t the parents see/feel what their kids are receiving?

4: why do these beings only affect the countries that celebrate their holidays? (EX: Jewish households aren’t visited by Santa)

5: why are there sighting videos for everyone to see? Are they all fake?

Now, let’s begin! First, a few things that apply to all of the above arguments. Starting with reiterating the fact that the spirit realm relies on belief entirely, and cannot affect those that do not believe

Also, remember that children have better connection to the spirit realm, and the lines between it and the human realm are blurred for them

Onto each Individual point! Number one! Why Poorer kids never receive more expensive gifts. This is because their parents don’t usually believe, so the younger kids ask for less expensive stuff because the parents tell them too. Also, as the gifts/goodies provided are only spiritual in nature, the gifts that the parents and other kids can see are all the ones that the parents purchase. But the young kid might be having fun with a more expensive gift in the spirit realm! As to why kids in bad situations(like abuse, bad orphanages, etc) don’t receive things is because they are never allowed to make their presence known to the beings, such as sending letters or etc. possibly never being told about the beings at all, and hence not believing in them.

Number two! This one’s pretty simple, parents don’t receive anything because they don’t believe! When I’m older, as I believe, I will receive things. Although I won’t be able to showcase them and will only be able to see them whilst in the spirit realm. (And yes, I know that with my belief and access to the spirit realm I could give myself whatever I want automatically but where’s the fun in that? Let these guys do their ever-diminishing jobs)

Number three! Why don’t parents all believe if their kids are getting stuff they didn’t give them? It’s because they don’t believe! So the presents that are coming from the spirit realm they can’t see/interact with!—It’s kind of like a cycle, a kid is told these beings aren’t real, stop believing, stop being afflicted, then pass on that non-belief to their kids once they reach a certain age. And any adult who does believe quickly stops believing once they reach adulthood because that line is no longer blurred, and they can’t see/interact with anything they would get while they believed.

Number four! Why only houses that practice any given holiday get things! These beings only visit houses that believe! Once again, as they cannot affect things that don’t believe. And most kids and adults never even learn about the beings from other holidays to their full extent, not allowing even a sliver of window.

Number five! The reason everyone can see things like sighting videos is because cameras can innately pick up things from the spirit realm, as they can’t believe or not believe. So while some of these are likely fake, some are certainly real! And this doesn’t affect much in the ways of belief as people who don’t believe will write off everything they see as bs and people who do believe will not. (Sometimes around any given holiday I like to look up sighting videos and test if they’re real or fake based on circumstance, quality, what I know about the beings, and general feel/context! You can try this too!)

Now of course there are other things about these beings other than just how they could exist, so here’s a few other points I will now address(more to be added):

1: what happens to these beings if there are contradictory beliefs about them?

2: if they want to be believed, why does the “you can’t see them/try to spot them or they won’t come” rule exist for nearly all of them?

3: where did these beings come from if no one believed in them until they showed up?

Point one! When there are contradictory beliefs for these beings, what happens? (Because they are effected by belief about them) there are a few different things that can happen based on circumstances. They can either |A) Choose which one they use. |B) default to the original idea(See: point three) |C) alternate between the options depending on who they are around

Point two! The “you can’t see them” rule is a bit complicated. For first things, it’s not entirely true at all. Sightings occur all the time and the creatures don’t lose their magic/not visit. However: underneath certain conditions, the rule does apply. EX: staying up late to catch one might make it so they panic and don’t show. This is because of kids see them but parents don’t, it can cause issues. As well as, considering the belief that seeing them will harm them, it can affect them in that way. So, for this one, it really depends.

Point three! These beings start as a thought or concept, either made-up for fun or otherwise. They then form as an imagination thing in the spirit realm, which causes people to see them and start believing. Then the legends grow and adapt. There are some other possibilities, such as the spirit realm didn’t start by relying on belief and grew that way over time, so these beings just existed. It could also come from the original people/creatures the beings are based on, which then people started believing in other ways of it, making them show up in the spirit realm long after the original “true story” has died. All of these are possibilities that may differ between beings even.

So this is just a little explanation of some things! Any questions? Ask me and I will do my best to answer them! Also remember that all of this is just my belief system and not objective fact in any way shape or form. :D I may/may not go more in-depth with each individual being around their holiday.

[personasintro]

bad word | kth drabble

⇢ 𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; one of the kids in your class curses and you make it your responsibility to break it to her dad, luckily you know him better than your co-workers

⇢ 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff, smut, dilf!taehyung

⇢ 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: protected sex, explicit language, age gap; taehyung is 35 and reader is 28 (although their age is not mentioned in the story, just the age difference of 7 years), mentions of smut, slight biting

⇢ 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 6.4k+

𝒂/𝒏: commissioned anonymously! this was supposed to be 4k but here we go again, another proof that it's a challenge for me to write something short haha

𝒎.𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | ☕️ | © 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐 (𝒏𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒅)

“You're doing amazing, Jihoon.” you praise the little boy, patting the top of his head as you glance at his coloring book. The coloring is a little bit off, actually a lot, but you can't really tell him that, can you? He seems to be encouraged by your praise, your heart beaming when he looks up at you and gives you a grin, his two front teeth missing.

You praise other kids at the table, somehow content how silent the room is. Well, apart from the occasional squeals, laughs and toys crashing down the floor every few seconds, but that's just something you got used to very quickly. Now it's just a noise you can listen to without having the need to go somewhere quiet. However, headaches make an occasional appearance once you get back home, the place empty from all the kids noises and their presence. You can't say you hate it though, you actually miss them a lot.

You wouldn't do this job if you didn't like kids. And these particular amazing and cute kids that you get to see five days a week somehow sneaked their way into your heart, so you easily have grown attached to them. You could not see them for one week and feel like they’ve grown too quickly. Not for nothing people say you can see the real time passing by on kids. It's true.

Making your way back to the teachers table, you reach for your bottle of water as you join your co-workers, having a heated conversation while kids have their own play-time without you interfering.

“No, no, no. Mr. Kim has to be the first. Hands down.” Sara says, shaking her head while your other co-worker Katana just chuckles mumbling something along the lines “You've got a point”.

“What are you guys talking about?” you ask them, opening the bottle while taking a few gulps.

“Just ranking the hottest daddies. Kim, Ivy's father is definitely and successfully holding the first place.” Sara waves her hand as if she's talking about weather and not about one of the kids' fathers that is in this very same room.

You choke up, a few droplets of water spilling down your chin as you quickly wipe it with the back of your hand. Katana and Sara burst into laughter, enjoying your sudden and shocked reaction while you glare at them.

“Y/N agrees for sure.” Katana smirks, causing you to frown at her.

“Don't you guys have something else to do?” you mutter, closing the bottle as you feel your heart racing, eyes silently searching for Ivy who's playing with one of the dolls putting them into a kids stroller.

Your heart softens at the sight, her pigtails still successfully holding, the ones you made her once she woke up from her nap time. She always asks you to do them, she can be very persistent when she wants to.

“Loosen up, Y/N. It's not like you don't think Mr. Kim is the perfect dilf out of all daddies here.”

Your head snaps towards Sara, eyes bulge out as you feel your whole face flash while your co-workers laugh at your reaction once again. Your heart beats harshly against your ribcage, feeling their eyes on you as you straighten yourself and clear your throat. Just as you're about to say something, Katana cuts you off before you even have a chance, her eyebrows lifted confidently. Maybe you should be happy they're continuing with the conversation rather than laughing at your reaction and finding you being more frustrated and red with each passing minute.

“He has someone. He clearly isn't with Ivy's mother,”

That's true. Ivy's mother is coming to pick her every second week and it's quite known they're not together. It's not like Ivy's father hides it and besides, Ivy's mother likes to show her frustration towards her ex-husband at every occasion and she definitely doesn't mind if she's doing it in front of her kid's teachers or in the kindergarten her kid is going into. This is definitely not the place to voice out her annoyance towards her kid's father, especially not in front of her even though it seems Ivy has her own little bubble and luckily, doesn't put too much attention to whatever her mother has to say whenever she comes to pick her up, trying to discreetly speak not so fondly about her ex-husband. However, you know better.

Her ex-husband is a very friendly and polite man, loving his daughter like no one else. It warms everyone's heart whenever he comes to pick her up, not because he's handsome or a perfect dilf as your co-workers named him (which to be honest you don't know how to feel about it). Maybe that's why she seems so envious of him because he has a perfect relationship with their daughter. Well, at least that could be one of the other reasons for sure.

However, as soon as those words leave Katana's mouth you feel yourself getting tense all over again as you stare at her with a neutral look. Sara frowns, seeing displeased by the new information and how Katana sounds so sure of herself.

“How do you know that? Has he told you anything?”

Would it be too awkward if you just stepped away from this conversation? Why out of all time, one of the kids can't do something that would require your whole attention and presence? Just like on purpose, there's a complete calm yet cheerful atmosphere in the classroom.

“No,” Katana snickers, “But a man like him has to have someone. I mean, take one look at him. He can't be single.”

You shake your head at her statement, even though partly you'd agree if you didn't know any better. Sara sighs, mumbling a few words of how unfortunate it is that every hot man is either married or dating someone. Not going to lie, you're not blind and it's hard to resist Taehyung's charms. That's what his name is. Kim Taehyung. It sounds nice even in your head. But not even once you were thirsting about him so publicly, especially not in a classroom full of kids even though they can't hear the conversation that's been clearly going on way before you made your way here.

Luckily, someone up there has listened to your silent pleas when two of the kids start to bicker, your clue to turn around and leave from the conversation as you assure Sara and Katana you got it. By the time you kindly explain to the kids bickering isn't nice and give them the pep-talk, Sara and Katana have separated and are playing with other kids.

Later in the day when a few of the kids have already gone home and got picked up by their parents, you're closing the classroom's door while bidding goodbye to one of the kids and their mom. You're opening your mouth, ready to talk to Sara (since Katana already went home because there's no need for the three of you to be here when most of the kids went already home) but before you can, the usual chirpy and soft voice calls out something you'd never expect you'd hear again.

“Fuck!”

You and Sara stare with wide eyes at each other before you glance at the four year old Ivy, her brows furrowed as one of the toys she was trying to reach fell down on the floor with a loud bang. She seems completely oblivious that whatever she said is bad, her small and neaty hands picking up the toy as she glares at the poor plastic pink car for dolls.

“I got it.” You mouth to Sara, seeing her finger pointing between her and you, her silent way of asking who's going to deal with it.

“Ivy, honey,” you call out to the little girl, her round eyes glancing at you as she sits on the wooden stool taking the car with her as she sets it onto the table where her dolls are sitting.

Should you tell her something? She seems oblivious to the curse word that so freely let out her small mouth. Reminding her and trying to explain to her that she shouldn't be talking like that would just put more attention to it. However, this is not the first time you've heard this word because the same thing happened yesterday. You've no idea where she heard it from, well the most likely option is that she heard it at home. But you also know her father is very serious about language around kids, especially around his own kid to be precise. You mean… stuff like that can happen to anyone. People often curse before they realize they did it, it happened to you a lot – not in front of kids or in your job though.

Did he and his ex-wife maybe get into an argument? Maybe one of them cursed and Ivy obviously heard it.

“What did you say just a moment ago?” you ask her, letting her think about it. Okay, if she doesn't remember you'll let it go and act as if it didn't happen. But if she--

“Fuck,” she shrugs innocently, your eyes widening once more as you look around to see if any of the kids heard her. Luckily, they haven't.

Sara stands nearby, not really hearing your conversation but she definitely heard the word “fuck” coming out of Ivy with no problem. She stares at you, somehow looking both worried and amused at the same time as you take a deep breath.

Oh, fuck. She's not even your kid and you feel your palms getting sweaty. You don't want to cross any lines or interfere with the way she is being raised, you know not many parents appreciate when one of the teachers gets involved. However, it's your job to explain to her certain things when it directly happens in the kindergarten and in front of other kids. The last thing you need is one of the kids to hear her and repeat it after her.

“Ivy, you can't say that word. It's naughty and nice kids don't talk like that,” you start, seeing her tilting her head slightly at you as she thinks about your words for a moment. “I thought you're a nice kid.” you tell her softly, purposely saying it knowing she's always determined to prove that she's nice whenever her dad comes to pick her up and mentions ice-cream. Or even if he asks one of you, the teachers, if she was nice. Ivy is usually the first one to respond which always makes everyone laugh.

She's a good kid. Polite one too. She treats other kids nicely and always shares her toys. So naturally, you're even more surprised to hear her saying such a word that definitely shouldn't belong to the dictionary of a four year old.

“I am!” she insists, frowning as she pouts slightly.

“Well, nice and good kids don't talk like that. It's very naughty.”

“Sorry.” she mumbles apologetically, looking down at her lap.

“I don't want to hear you saying that again, okay? You're a very cute and pretty lady.” you tell her, trying to lighten her sour mood as you tap her cute round nose.

She giggles, nodding as you chuckle at her. “Okay.” she tells you softly once she calms down.

Half an hour later, close to the closing time, Sara informs you Ivy's mother is coming to pick her up as she just parked her car. It doesn't faze you, it's pretty usual for her to come pick up her daughter at this hour. However, even though she's not very nice towards her ex-husband, having bitter remarks which are usually muttered underneath her breath but you – or Sara and Katana – always hear them. She's not trying to mask it that much, even though she thinks she's being sleek with the whole act “I hate my ex-husband”. But she's not a bad mom. She comes this late because she owns a boutique but whenever she sees her daughter, an almost identical copy of her father, she always has a warm smile on her lips. She's nice towards teachers (which obviously includes you as well) and you've never really had any trouble with her.

That can't be said about Ivy's father though.

You know your daily task is to fill up parents about their kids' day and how they behaved, but before Sara can make her way towards the door and open it, you catch her wrist and glance at her nervously.

“Don't say anything about what Ivy said today, please.”

Sara looks a little taken aback by your request, not hiding a mere confusion and probably wonders why are you even asking this of her. It's pretty usual you'd tell whichever of the parents would pick up the kid, the truth. The last time Ivy said clear and soundable “fuck”, you brushed it off after talking to the girls. But now that has happened a second time, you'd usually just have to say it to the parent.

“Are you sure? She should probably know about this.” Sara says, voice quiet and confused.

“Yeah, she should. But she'll just blame Ivy's father for it and the poor kid already listens to that every time she finds something against him. I think her dad will explain this stuff to her better, Ivy listens to him more. We can tell him next week when it's his turn to pick her up.”

Sara is not surprised to hear your reason, she can easily tell the difference of the two parents as well. She's very attentive and knows, even though Ivy loves both her parents, she's way more cheerful when her dad comes to pick her up and he's actually the one that is more strict. Ivy is just a kid and even though she has a good heart and is raised well, she has her own tantrums sometimes. You, Sara and Katana were witnesses to him putting her back in her place whenever she threw a tantrum in the dressing room with his deep and stern voice.

“Okay, I think you're right.” she nods, agreeing with you but before she can say something else, Ivy's mother opens the door and greets you before she calls out to Ivy.

The little girl runs to her and hugs her long legs before she lets go and goes back into the room, cleaning up the toys she played with just a few seconds ago and putting them back to their place. It makes your heart bloom with softness and warmness and when you look at her mother, you see the same look in her eyes as she waits for her daughter, taking her small hand into hers when she finally makes it back to her mother.

The apartment smells delicious when you enter the spacious entryway, a silent curse leaving your mouth as soon as you take off your shoes and step onto a wooden toy that makes your foot ache. Putting away your thin jacket onto the rack, you make your way through the house, following the little rumble sounds and amazing smell of food that makes your mouth water.

You smile as soon as you see him, standing with his back while stirring something on the pot. You make your way towards him, hugging him from the back as he slightly jumps from the sudden touch but smiles once he looks down and sees it's you.

“Hey, love.”

Heart warming at the pet name, you let out a soft “hi” before he turns around and kisses you on the lips, cupping your cheeks for a moment.

“Ivy?” he asks in assurance, causing you to chuckle as you lean against the kitchen counter, seeing him still wearing one of his work attires, a light blue button-up and black slacks.

He must've come home and straight went to prepare dinner for the two of you.

“Hyerim picked her up.” you answer, seeing him nod even though he already knows the answer to that. He's just in his dad's protective and caring mode, he needs assurement.

“Good, how was your day?”

So you chat, watching him cook as he refuses your help whenever you offer yourself. Once the food is ready, you move to the dining room with a few crayons still sitting on top of the table messily as he apologizes and quickly puts them away.

“Sorry, didn't have enough time to make this place clean.” he apologizes, but it only makes you chuckle because he's acting as if you're not spending your free time here every second week.

Throughout the dinner, you talk and eat in a peaceful silence – something you've grown used to as well. Sometimes you wonder how it'd feel like with Ivy's presence here, considering it feels like she is here but in reality she isn't. Her drawings are attached to the fridge and around the house, clearly making her dad a proud one. And her toys are almost everywhere, even though they're neatly placed in the living room.

It makes you miss her, knowing she is probably having a great time with her mom because apparently, she never complains and always talks fondly whenever she comes back home. It only makes you think of what happened today, wondering if by now the little girl didn't listen to you and already said “fuck” again, this time in front of her mother.

“Taehyung?” you ask softly, putting down your fork as you glance at your boyfriend who's just putting a bite into his mouth as he hums in response, eyes set upon you.

“Did you and Hyerim fight by any chance recently?” you ask him, seeing his brows furrowing, the same way like Ivy did today.

“No,” he answers, looking a little puzzled as he thinks it through for a second before answering more confidently. “No, I told you we haven't fought in months. I think she prefers talking behind my back and in front of Ivy's teachers.” he jokes a little, the corner of his lips curving to a slight smirk.

It makes you chuckle and look down at your plate, obviously knowing you're the reason why he knows all of this in the first place. As much as Sara and Katana daydream about him, they wouldn't go as far as telling him such an uncomfortable and private thing, even if it includes him as well. It's impolite.

Perks of him being your boyfriend, so you can tell him anything you want.

You nod along his words, reaching for the glass of wine as you take a decent sip before he keeps his eyes on you, a silent curiosity and interest crossing his face. “Is there a reason why you're asking? Has she said something about me again?”

“Ah, no. She was actually very polite this time...” you trail off, avoiding his eyes for a moment and you've no idea why.

Maybe it's the way he's staring at you with his dark eyes across the table, or the fact that he looks so hot and stern all of a sudden while he analyzes the way you're acting. Obviously, a few months of dating him, he already knows when there's something you're not telling him.

“Come on, love. Tell me, I'm not gonna bite. At least not now.” he smirks, laughing when you exclaim his name and start laughing too, momentarily hiding your face with your hands as you feel the heat rushing to your face.

“Alright,” you breathe out once you calm down, looking him in the eyes. “Ivy said 'fuck' today.”

Taehyung's brows shoot up in surprise, opening his mouth slightly. “She said what?”

“Fuck,” you tell him, even though you know he heard you the first time. “One of the toys fell when she was trying to grab it. I talked to her but obviously, I thought you should know. I didn't say anything to Hyerim, we both know why…” you tell him and he nods, understanding that Hyerim might've overreacted and just put more blame on him than it's necessarily.

“I don't understand… I don't curse in front of her, neither does Hyerim. We're both very careful about that.”

“You never know, it might've slipped. It doesn't really matter who's to blame for this, but she can't speak like that. Thank god none of the kids heard her. This is actually the second time she said it, the first time she said it was a few days ago.”

“What? Why didn't you tell me?” he asks, surprised, not sounding accusingly at all.

“I wanted to tell you in private and since you had Ivy last week, there was no time. I wasn't about to discuss it in a dressing room where other parents were.” you explain.

Taehyung nods understandably, giving you a slight smile in appreciation before he looks a little disappointed by the news as he sighs. “I'll talk to her when she comes back from Hyerim. Where could she possibly hear it from? I don't understand…”

You shrug, not sure what to answer as he thinks about it for a moment, deciding that he has no answer for that and just lets it go for tonight. Shaking his head, he continues eating while you do the same, a casual talk filling the dining room once again while throwing knowing and flirtatious glances at each other.

You often think about what you did in your past life to deserve such a man in your life, to have that privilege of snatching not just one of the hottest men in the world but also the kindest and most attentive boyfriend. It was one year ago when you started working at the kindergarten where you're working till this day. You had been working there barely for a week when a new three year old started attending kindergarten for the first time. You can still remember the way Ivy's big eyes were full of curiosity and fear at the same time, her both hands clutching her father's big one. He stayed for a few minutes, lingering close to the wall as he watched his daughter playing with toys and drawing him a picture. Despite his fond eyes that were filled with nothing but love, you could see him looking worried just as equal as Ivy when the door of the classroom full of other kids opened.

The only difference is, that he waited until his daughter wasn't watching him and was too occupied while drawing him a picture of butterflies, house and other random things that the three year old could think of.

And despite you working there barely a week, you already encountered similar situations with other parents as well. You're not going to lie, he did look slightly intimidating from the moment you first saw him. It's not like he was expressionless or coldly looked around himself, he was quite the opposite. One of the kids brought him a toy and he crouched down to the kid, ruffled his black hair and thanked him with a cute boxy smile which later on, you found Ivy has a very similar smile.

So you approached him, listened to him as he explained that he's probably overreacting but ever since she was born, he was with her most of the time and now is the time for her to come here, so he can work and she can finally attend kindergarten like every other kid. Ever since then, you both chatted a lot whenever he came to pick her up. Nothing too serious and you never crossed any boundaries, especially when he informed you Ivy's mother will pick her up every second week. Later on, when he came to pick up Ivy one day, you assumed they're married but busy to come together to pick her up. You assumed they just came to an arrangement to take turns.

You were surprised – okay, maybe even pleased – to hear that they've been divorced and separated for a year already. You kept your reaction low, just nodding in understatement. You remember the way he subtly smirked at you when you shyly looked away.

Somehow over the months, you both became close – friends maybe. He'd always talk to you about his day while waiting for Ivy to tie her shoes because “she's a big girl and she can do it alone”. Ivy's words, not her father's. He went along with it, taking that time to lean against the kids lockers while chatting to you whenever you had the time.

Until one day he finally grew some balls – Taehyung's words again – and finally asked you out. And the rest is a history, bringing you back to present time as you've been dating for five months now.

Taehyung's broad shoulders and the way he's eye-fucking you is definitely worth of not thinking about history, but get ready for present. He cockily smirks at you, standing above you while you're sprawled on his bed completely naked while he takes the last article of his clothes which happens to be boxers.

Oh, you're definitely lucky.

If only Sara and Katana could see you right now, they'd never believe you've been dating this man the whole time they kept talking about him, or more like thirsting over him. He's more than that though.

There are many things you appreciate about Taehyung, being mature is one of them. Him being older than you, seven years difference to be exact, makes him more mature than any of the boys you were dating previously. There weren't that many but even if there were, you know no one could compete with Taehyung.

Even your friendly and blunt co-workers can't keep their eyes off him whenever it's his turn of the custody. Even when it's not, they talk about him on a daily basis. And apparently giving him a nickname that has been sticking to him for a few months now.

Taehyung is in the middle of rolling a condom down his length when you giggle amusingly as your eyes scrunch. He chuckles, even though he glances at you in confusion wondering why the hell you're giggling all of a sudden.

“What?” he asks, breathing out a chuckle as he glances down at his length and gives himself a few testing tugs. As much as he wants three more kids (apparently – it's something he spilled when you had a date night at his house while drinking lots of wine), you still have a long way to go until you go that route.

“You know that Sara and Katana call you dilf?” you giggle, covering your mouth with your palm while Taehyung's eyebrows shoot up in shock.

For the first time since he has slowly led you to his bedroom and pleasured you with his mouth until you were begging for him to stop and let you breathe for a second, he looks quite shocked and taken aback. It's only now that you see the back of his neck flash as he sheepishly rubs it with his hand.

He's no stranger to the names of your co-workers, he hears about them all the time. However, it's the first time you revealed the nickname they gave him, even though he knows they're thirsting over him. Something you spilled that time on your date night.

But Taehyung is not caught off guard for too long, hovering over you for a second as he pulls you closer to the edge of bed, hands on your ass as he lifts it up. His length pokes you right into your clit causing you to stop giggling as you moan.

“Dilf, is it?” he hums, causing you to nod while silent pleas of him filling you up resounds from your mouth. In times like these, you can barely function and control yourself at the same time.

Taehyung listens to you, guiding his thick length into your wet and tight hole as he enters you with a slow yet shallow thrust. You groan, mouth opening and eyes shutting, falling apart from the single feeling of him stretching you out. You missed him. It's been something over a week since you got to have some alone time with him, which includes a lot of sex of course.

“Do they know this dilf gets to fuck you?” he hums against your neck, causing you to realize he's hovering over you once again as he gently bites into the crook of your neck, slowly thrusting in and out.

“Ah, fuck,” you moan out once he pulls back, grabbing you by your thighs as he hoasts your lower body up to his liking. It's just a matter of seconds before he starts fucking you just like he promised a few minutes ago when you entered his bedroom.

His thick length brushes your wet and tight walls, hitting all the right places as you can't keep your moans silent. Taehyung's eyes are focused on your breasts that bounce with each thrust he makes, eyes glancing down at your stomach to see it bulging thanks to his length inside you.

“Shit, love. You're killing me.” he groans, the sight being one of his weaknesses as it ushers him to pound into you even more.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Tae…” you whimper, feeling yourself getting close as his nails dig into the meat of your thighs. But the pain is nothing but pleasing and arousing you even more.

Soon enough, you're falling apart and cumming around his thick length that makes him groan, making it harder for him to move inside you. But somehow he does, pounding into you and following you a minute later while he spills into the condom.

Both breathing heavy, you're not surprised when Taehyung falls down on you as you hug him closer while he peppers your neck and chest with kisses. He slowly slips out of you, groaning at the feeling as he forces himself to stand up and dispose of the condom. He tells you he'll be right back, bringing one of his shirts that he without a doubt found in the bathroom. He cleans you up, tossing it down the floor you scoot further to the bed, finally laying down onto his soft pillows. He cuddles to you, tossing a duvet over your naked and warm buddies as he nuzzles to your neck.

“I want to tell Ivy,” he suddenly mumbles, his hands slowly rubbing your stomach under the duvet. “About us, about you.”

That makes you surprised, your heart skipping a beat and causing you to feel excited.

Ivy doesn't know that you're dating her father. It's something you respected from the moment you felt things between you and Taehyung aren't just about the casual talks between a parent and a teacher. From Taehyung's positions, it definitely makes sense that he didn't want to break it to his daughter that he's dating one of her teachers. You both wanted to make sure you're very serious about each other before he breaks the news to her. It makes sense. You're her teacher and even though it won't affect your work or can get you into trouble, you didn't want to be introduced to her as her dad's girlfriend just yet. No one knows about your relationship, that's one of the reasons.

Ivy is a sweet kid but she's still a kid and she would obviously spill the news. You both can't expect the four year old will keep your relationship a secret before you decide to just announce it to the world. You don't know how Hyerim, Taehyung's ex, will react to the news. Even though you don't care that much about her because she has nothing to do with Taehyung, not anymore – she's still Ivy's mother and probably won't have a pleasant reaction.

There are a lot of things you and Taehyung had to think through before you came to the conclusion that this is nice and you want to be in each other's life like this. Your parents know about Taehyung, and so does his parents know about you. But telling Ivy means that you'll be openly dating and it no longer will be a secret, in other words it’s a bigger step than telling your or Taehyung’s parents. This means Sara and Katana will find out eventually too, however you're not worried about that.

They might feel embarrassed that they've been thirsting about your boyfriend this whole time, but it'll be finally your time to laugh at them and see them frustrated.

Taehyung isn't scared of Ivy's reaction, the reason he didn't tell her about the two of you isn't about that. She loves you. Apparently, she talks about you at home too and according to Taehyung, you're her favorite teacher. Teachers shouldn't have a favorite kid but they always do. Your favorite kid is Ivy. Not because you're dating her dad, she's been your favorite from the moment Taehyung went to work and left her there for the first time alone. She came up to you and clutched to your hand, talking to you sweetly as she drew you a picture. The first one she drew in a class was already took by Taehyung as she made sure she gave it to him before he had to depart.

“Are you sure?” you ask, not hiding the smile in your voice that makes Taehyung smile as he kisses your collarbone.

“I've been sure for quite some time,” he tells you softly, “I don't want to hide anymore. She loves you, I love you and I want to spend my time with both of you. I want you to be here when she's home too, I want my both girls here.”

Your heart softens, heart blooming with love and warmness as your fingers play with Taehyung's dark wavy hair.

“I'd be more than happy about that,” you confess, “I feel like it's the right time too.”

Taehyung agrees, lifting his head off your body as he looks at you and purses his lips, silently asking for a kiss. You chuckle, finding him cute and different than from the man that pounded you into his mattress just a moment ago. You kiss him, letting your mouths mold together for a few minutes until you're forced to pull apart to properly breathe.

“I know where Ivy heard the bad word.”

The bad word. That makes you chuckle as you turn to him with an interest in your eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he nods, smirking a little. “From you.”

You open your mouth. “Excuse me? I don't curse in front of her.”

“Uhm, it might not have been completely in front of her, but you know when you curse the most.”

“No, tell me.” you tell him, narrowing your eyes at him.

“When we have sex.” he smirks, causing your mouth to open.

“But--Ivy--”

“You remember the last time when we had sex? I called you over after we both couldn't sleep, Ivy was in her room sleeping back then,” Taehyung starts, causing your heart to stop for a moment as a horrific expression makes a way to your face.

Like Taehyung said, it was one of the nights when you texted and couldn't sleep, the texts becoming slightly explicit and needy which caused Taehyung to call you over. It was the first and only time you sneaked to his house while Ivy was in it too, supposedly soundlessly sleeping in her room while her father fucked you in his own. He assured you she's sleeping and you had to sneak away the next morning before she woke up, like a damn teenager.

You both acted like teenagers that night to be fair. The whole sneaking thing had its own spice though.

“Apparently, the little lovebug was awake or we must've woke her up.” Taehyung says, laughing as he seems amused by the whole situation.

“But--how do you know? Maybe she heard it somewhere else, this doesn't mean anything.” you tell him, not believing your own words too.

Taehyung raises his brow at you, “Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he starts mimics you from that night when he took you from behind, your face heating up right away as you slap him in the chest. “You know how I know that?” he asks, voice amused and cocky which makes you roll your eyes.

“Spill it out.” you tell him, ready to hide behind the duvet but he gently takes it away from you and keeps his hold onto it.

“She asked me the next morning who was at our house. Apparently, she heard some noises.”

Okay, now you certainly look mortified. Taehyung laughs, enjoying the way you squeal in embarrassment.

“And you're telling me that just now?” you exclaim, repeating his words from earlier as he laughs with eyes scrunched shut.

“Well, telling you over a text or in a kindergarten with a bunch of parents and kids around wasn't the best option. I forgot to tell you, to be honest.”

“Oh my god,” you groan, rubbing your forehead in embarrassment. “What did you tell her?”

“That she must've had a bad dream.” Taehyung chuckles causing you to laugh.

“And she believed that?”

“Does it matter?”

No, it doesn't.

Taehyung suddenly cuddles you again, leg slouched over your own as his mouth is on your collarbone against, slowly making his way down to your breast as he starts sucking your nipple. You gasp, looking down at him as he keeps his attention to your nipple before he looks up with a smirk.

“Look at you, teaching my kid a bad word and you haven't even been introduced as my girlfriend.”

“It wasn't on purpose.” you gasp, whimpering when he gently bites onto your breast, chuckling lowly.

“I know,” he adds, assuring you that he's not mad or putting a blame on you. It was your both's fault. If you just waited and weren't horny like teenagers, this wouldn't have happened.

He lets go of your nipple with a loud plop, staring you in the eyes while his hands move down your stomach. You already know where this is heading, soon feeling him between your legs. But before he fully touches you where you're aching for him the most, he licks his lips and bites into them before a loving gaze makes its way to his eyes.

“Good thing I love you.”

[esther-dot]

How do you think j0nry@ stans got the idea that j0nry@ would end up canon? I cant seem to rap my head around the concept because at least jonrice has some “stuff” to point to their ship but j0nry@ has very little stuff that makes any sense besides the theories from self insert ar/ya stans

I’ll tell you about what I’ve seen, but I think you’ll regret asking 😂

For starters, they have the original outline. I know we all laugh because the story has changed so much, but I actually have some sympathy for this because I think the fact that Martin apparently always intended for Bran to end up king is really interesting. Obviously the context/meaning of it changed, but I’m not sure why fans act like the details being different means there isn’t anything to be gleaned from the outline. Also, I do think it matters that Martin liked the idea of a Jon x Stark girl romance because a) it means everyone arguing he’d never consider Jon/“sister” pairing can be ignored. The idea was very much in his head at one point! b) it means he thought fauxcest was commercially viable. Anyway, at one point he did say Jon would have a romance with Arya.

From the most reasonable to the most disturbing reason…swords are common phallic imagery. Can I stop there? No? Jon gives Arya a sword in AGOT. Jonry@s have metas about how that means they will eventually have sex.

Actually, maybe this is more disturbing. The argument that they will fall in love is supported with quotes about their existing love, as in, they think their sibling bond is foreshadowing for romantic love. That’s why they harp on how rarely Jon and Sansa think of each other and talk about how Jon doesn’t love Sansa—because the absence of the sibling love (in their minds) sinks romantic Jonsa which is funny because that’s what a lot of us look at and think is what would make it possible. Anyway, that means that a common thing to do is to think of this moment--

Arya ran to him for a last hug. "Put down the sword first," Jon warned her, laughing. She set it aside almost shyly and showered him with kisses. (AGOT, Jon II)

--as a shipping moment. They use it in their metas/shippy fanart.

The other thing I’ve seen them point to are the comparisons of Ygritte to Arya:

Ygritte watched and said nothing. She was older than he'd thought at first, Jon realized; maybe as old as twenty, but short for her age, bandy-legged, with a round face, small hands, and a pug nose. Her shaggy mop of red hair stuck out in all directions. She looked plump as she crouched there, but most of that was layers of fur and wool and leather. Underneath all that she could be as skinny as Arya. (ACOK, Jon VI)

and

Ygritte trotted beside Jon as he slowed his garron to a walk. She claimed to be three years older than him, though she stood half a foot shorter; however old she might be, the girl was a tough little thing. Stonesnake had called her a "spearwife" when they'd captured her in the Skirling Pass. She wasn't wed and her weapon of choice was a short curved bow of horn and weirwood, but "spearwife" fit her all the same. She reminded him a little of his sister Arya, though Arya was younger and probably skinnier. It was hard to tell how plump or thin Ygritte might be, with all the furs and skins she wore. (ASOS, Jon II)

Look, you asked, and I did warn you. They take those passages and say, (I’ve seen this multiple times by different Jonry@s), “Why are you thinking about Arya naked, Jon?” You brought this on yourself anon. You have to live with that.

So, to them there is the author’s intent in the original outline followed by a promise in the first book of the two later having a romantic relationship, the “erotic subtext” continued with the comparisons to Ygritte which all culminates with this:

Jon flexed the fingers of his sword hand. The Night's Watch takes no part. He closed his fist and opened it again. What you propose is nothing less than treason. He thought of Robb, with snowflakes melting in his hair. Kill the boy and let the man be born. He thought of Bran, clambering up a tower wall, agile as a monkey. Of Rickon's breathless laughter. Of Sansa, brushing out Lady's coat and singing to herself. You know nothing, Jon Snow. He thought of Arya, her hair as tangled as a bird's nest. I made him a warm cloak from the skins of the six whores who came with him to Winterfell … I want my bride back … I want my bride back … I want my bride back …(ADWD, Jon XIII)

To them, Jon is talking about Arya being his bride. A lot of these fans think Arya will be QitN, so it’s possible they have a theory about Jon marrying her to unite his claim with a Stark post parentage reveal, just as Jonsas argue? I really don’t know because they tend to hate Sansa so I’ve blocked a lot of them. But, that's the proof/argument I saw before I filtered the tag.

I responded to an ask from a Jonry@ once here, and explained why I didn’t think it was happening.

[xx-narcissa]

Tony and Bruce being Kamala’s Dads

warnings: none

a/n: i haven’t done a hc in a while so here we are. also this isn’t an x reader, and also this isn’t tony x bruce but if you wanna see it that way then be my guest

masterlist

i just think kamala’s interactions with tony and bruce are so adorable and whenever kamala is with the avengers they treat her like the daughter they never had

just thinking about it makes me happy because i just think the three of them are the cutest little family ever

of course kamala has her own family, but she still loves this one just as much

bruce and tony argue, that’s not a secret. they’ll argue over anything. now one thing they’ve added to that is kamala. it seems like they can’t go over a week without arguing over her.

tony has the ‘fun parent’ approach while bruce is a little more strict. bruce will scold kamala if she puts off her chores or work meanwhile tony is taking her on joyrides around the city when she has multiple other things to be doing

“the girl’s 16, tony! she already has a lot on her plate trying to be undetected in school, being an avenger, and having a social life. you can’t just try and take up all her time, it’s selfish.”

“it isn’t selfish if she’s having fun too. my bad for actually trying to help her not have the most boring life ever like you mr. i have a permanent stick up my ass.”

then kamala comes into the room, excited to show bruce she got an A on the chemistry homework he helped her with. she sees them glaring at each other and clears her throat to alert them of her presence. “i hope i’m not interrupting anything super important.”

bruce sighed and moved his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. “no, nothing too important. just tony being an immature asshole as usual.” “oh, get over yourself nerd!”

but then they’d end up bonding over whatever kamala had to show them and they’d forget the argument until they eventually got into another one.

when it came to training, she always went to tony first. mainly because it was easier to train with iron man than hulk. and because tony wouldn’t hold back on telling her where she needed to improve

but when it came to most other things, bruce was her guy. he’d be more level headed and give her a logical answer to whatever problem needed solving, and most times his advice helped. if it didn’t she’d go to tony instead.

obviously she didn’t only talk to those two, but they were the ones who usually made time for her, and were just easy to get along with.

but after them it was probably natasha. kamala just thought she was the coolest and therefore loved hanging out with her even if it was only for a few minutes.

natasha was usually busy doing stuff and tended to not have much time for the younger girl. she chalked it up to not liking kids but everyone could tell that she had a soft spot for kamala and actually felt bad whenever she had to reject her requests to hang out.

and while kamala had a lot of respect towards steve, she didn’t hang out with him as much because she found his personality quite formal and even a little intimidating

then there was thor, she loved him. he was funny and cool, but was also busy a lot. even still, he’d always try to make time to talk with her, because he enjoyed having someone who didn’t mind listening to his stories about asgard and whatever else he wanted to talk about.

tony loved taking kamala on missions because it was a learning experience as well as a bonding experience. and despite being young she was still pretty strong and helpful. but he’d feel life absolute shit every time she got hurt, even if it was just a little scratch and she could heal herself

and bruce loved having her help him out in the lab, even if all she did was hold things and make jokes, he still loved her company

“woah, mr. stark! did you see that?” kamala said after destroying an AIM synthoid. “that was totally a one-hit kill!” she ran up to tony as he finished off another one. “i know, i saw! you’ll have to teach me that move.”

and i just feel like kamala would try to teach them pakistani recipes she learned from her ammi, even though she’d mess up and forget the ingredients sometimes. even still, it’d be a fun experience and almost always end in a flour fight between the three of them.

sometimes when there isn’t anything to do because the others are away on missions, the three of them will just chill in kamala’s room and she’ll show them ideas she’s been working on to try and get their opinions, or she’ll just talk to them about how much she misses being able to hang out with bruno and nakia but can’t considering aim knows who she is and she doesn’t want to put them in danger

then they’d comfort her about it and end up eating ice cream and watching sitcoms until she’d fall asleep

this is kinda short but i just think it’s a very adorable concept 👏👏👏

[octerminal]

Avoiding the ME1 LI Romances

...And also what to do if you’ve already triggered them.

This is a post I’ve been wanting to remake forever, and with the remaster around the corner I thought now was a good time to finally get on it.

A few things first: I say “avoiding the ME1 LI romances”, but in reality this is mostly going to be about Kaidan and Ashley. While there are a few ways around Liara’s romance I’ve discovered, I have never been able to find a simple way to avoid triggering it. (I’ll get to that later.)

This post will be split into three sections: Kaidan, Ashley, and Liara. Kaidan and Ashley’s sections specifically will go over how to avoid triggering their romances entirely, and then the dialogue choices you need to take if you want to end the romance if it’s already been triggered. I have also included a few bonus things for the both of them, such as avoiding the flirting during the scenic view cutscene in the Citadel Wards. For Kaidan specifically, I have also included content about his mechanics in ME3.

Please note that most of these have been accomplished on console. I have gotten several PC users who do attest that, at the very least, Kaidan’s portion works for them. But on the off-chance that platform influences other parts of Kaidan’s, or Ashley and Liara’s, I thought it was worth mentioning. It should also be said that, obviously, these are all using the original games as a basis, though I am not expecting MELE to change any of this.

I will also be using both my Kaidan transcript and Ashley transcript as reference for their dialogue. I recommend following along there if you find Tumblr’s formatting confusing.

Final note before we begin: this post is not an open invitation to hate on any of these characters. ME1 is turning 14 this year and ME3 recently turned 9. Anything you have to say about these characters and their romance mechanics has already been beaten to death, brought back to life, and beaten to death again. No one wants to hear it, least of all me. Please keep your comments to yourself and be civil.

KAIDAN

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

Kaidan’s romance can be triggered after the first main mission has been completed. For many players, I imagine this is Therum, but it really doesn’t matter which mission it is.

Kaidan will prompt the conversation, as he will for every other post-main mission conversation so long as his romance remains active. This conversation will be about his time at Brain Camp. You can read the conversation in his transcript if you find it easier to follow along, though I have done my best to format this post as cleanly as possible.

KAIDAN: Commander, do you have a minute?

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It makes no difference yet.)

KAIDAN: Off the record, I think there’s something wrong here. This Saren is looking for records on some kind of galactic extinction, but we can’t get backup from the Council? Sorry, Commander. There’s writing on the wall here, but someone isn’t reading it.

SHEPARD: (Again, you may choose whatever dialogue option you want. It still makes no difference yet.)

>FIRST CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

KAIDAN: I hear ya. It - It just seems like a group that’s been around as long as the Council should see this coming. It’s funny. We finally get out here and the final frontier was already settled. And the residents don’t even seem impressed by the view...or the dangers.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Zip it, Lieutenant.): I’m sure your letters home are very poignant. Just keep this kind of sentimentality out of the CIC.

KAIDAN: Yes, ma’am. Sorry to have wasted your time. I’m right about the mission, though. I know it. (The conversation will end here and his romance will not trigger.)

>SECOND CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

SHEPARD (Paragon - Cute way to look at it./Neutral - An old-fashioned view.): Well, well. You’re a romantic. Did you sign on “for the dream,” Alenko? Secure man’s future in space?

KAIDAN: Heh, yeah, I read a lot of those books when I was a kid. Where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves. Or, you know. For justice. Maybe I was a romantic in the beginning. But I thought about it after Brain Camp - ah, sorry, “Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training.” I’m not looking for “the dream.” I just want to do some good. See what’s out here. Sorry if I got too informal. Protocol wasn’t a big focus back in BAaT.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Just be ready.): I trust you won’t have any questions when whatever’s coming hits the fan?

KAIDAN: None. I’m not questioning the mission. I’m just concerned. Sorry to have wasted your time, ma’am. It won’t happen again. (The conversation will end here and his romance will not trigger.)

The final chance to cut off Kaidan’s romance before it triggers happens after Shepard asks him about Brain Camp. This opens up a lot of investigation options and you may exhaust all of them. If you want to avoid hearing Kaidan imply that he thinks your Shepard is attractive, avoid the “Time to talk, then./Time to “get physical,” then.” investigation options. Once Kaidan is done speaking about Brain Camp, you will get one final chance to avoid his romance.

>THIRD CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

KAIDAN: Anyway. This was supposed to be a casual debrief, not a bull session about stuff that happened years ago.

SHEPARD (Renegade - You’re right.): I pretty much gave up waiting for the good part.

KAIDAN: Bad habit, ma’am. I do tend to run off at the mouth. I will work on it for my next review. Sorry to have wasted your time, ma’am. It won’t happen again. (The conversation ends and his romance does not trigger.)

You will notice all of these are renegade options. There is literally no way around this if you want to avoid triggering Kaidan’s romance. You don’t get any renegade points from them, and Kaidan does not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an easy way to tell if Kaidan’s romance remains active. Conversations between him and Shepard will end like this:

SHEPARD: We’ll talk later, Kaidan.

KAIDAN: I’d like that.

“I’VE ALREADY TRIGGERED IT, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?”

The good news is that getting out of the romance is fairly simple. The game gives you a lot of opportunities before it triggers the love triangle with Liara (assuming her romance has also been triggered, anyway).

If Kaidan’s romance was triggered, you will have an opportunity at the beginning of his second and third post-main mission talks. These are a bit more complex to transcribe, so I really recommend just reading them in my transcription if you need the exact dialogue options to understand.

But the gist: You can’t go wrong with choosing the renegade dialogue options. This is always the dialogue option that will end his romance. You are almost never going to end his romance with a paragon or neutral dialogue option. He will always prompt this conversation by wondering if he’s gotten his signals mixed up, if there’s someone else you’d rather spend time with, if he’s being too casual, etc. Once he does this, just shoot him down with a renegade dialogue option.

Again: you get no renegade points from this. He will not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an example. This one occurs in his second post-main mission talk if Liara’s romance hasn’t been triggered:

KAIDAN: I’m just saying...try to leave yourself a way out. I’ve seen what cutting corners can do and I’d hate to have that happen to you, Shepard. Commander.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I don’t need approval.): I’m your commanding officer, Alenko. Are you questioning the way I handle things?

KAIDAN: No, Commander. Just concerned about the reception of the brass if things go sour. I apologize for bringing it up. I know we’re getting the job done.

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever response you like; they all lead to the romance ending.)

If you have repeatedly not broken off the romance with Kaidan after a certain point and Liara’s romance is also active, it will trigger the love triangle scene. This is one of the last points you have to break off Kaidan’s romance, but it will lock you into Liara’s romance instead. If you are wanting a no-romance run, I recommend choosing one of the other options instead.

There is also a separate way to end the romance outside these three opportunities. In the third post-main mission talk, you must pick the dialogue option that triggers the argument that can “renegade” Kaidan’s opinion on the Council. You must not choose the charm or intimidate option here, and you must then pick the renegade dialogue options. The conversation should go like this:

KAIDAN: So yeah, I hated that turian. But he wasn’t “a turian” to me. He was Vyrnnus.

SHEPARD (Renegade - All turians are the same.): You can’t deny the turians are imperialists. And the asari, the salarians - they’re manipulators.

KAIDAN: Shepard, I outgrew the blame game years ago. If the Alliance is missing its chance, it’s because of men like Udina. Not the rest of the galaxy holding it back.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I’m not so sure.): When anyone out here listens to us, the Council starts up with their treaties and heel-dragging. We can only rely on ourselves.

KAIDAN: We’re not doing the galaxy any favors if we try to force our way into a seat at the grown-up table. They aren’t - malicious. They’re just slow to change. My story doesn’t get any better if Vyrnnus is a good guy.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Whose side are you on?): I don’t need you kissing the Council’s asses, too.

KAIDAN: Look, Shepard. You’re in command, and we’ll all follow your lead. But don’t ream me out for having an opinion. I thought we respected each other more than that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I can’t respect this.): I can’t believe you’d side with aliens over your own kind. I think we’re done here.

KAIDAN: Yeah, I think we are. It’s--It’s too bad we...It’s just too bad, Commander.

This argument will end his romance. He will also not be renegaded. This is obviously a much more convoluted way to end his romance, but I’m throwing the option out there because it’s 1) hilarious, and 2) way more dramatic, if you want to roleplay ending the romance for whatever reason.

MISCELLANEOUS

Depending on the dialogue options you take for the scenic view on the Citadel, Kaidan will always flirt with you. This does not lock you into, or even trigger, his romance. It is entirely possible to not have him flirt with you at all in this scene, and still initiate the romance later. But if you do not want him to flirt with you, simply do this:

[image ID: ME1’s subtitles showing Ashley saying “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.” with the dialogue wheel below it giving the following dialogue choices, starting from the top: “What’s not to like?”, “Let’s move out.”, and “That’s enough, you two.” end ID]

When you get to this part of the scenic view cutscene, choose any dialogue option but the top “What’s not to like?” one.

Also, even if you’ve already avoided or shut down Kaidan’s romance, Liara will still ask if there’s something between the two of you if her romance is active. Tell her that there isn’t (because there isn’t). Her saying this does not re-trigger Kaidan’s romance.

Congratulations, you have now survived ME1’s romance mechanics. Enjoy experiencing unromanced Kaidan for the rest of the game.

ME3 BONUS: “OKAY, WHAT ABOUT HIM FLIRTING WITH ME IN THE HOSPITAL THOUGH?”

I have tested both of these personally multiple times and they have always worked for me, but again: see my warning about different platforms at the beginning of this post. If it doesn’t work for you, please let me know.

If you have not romanced Kaidan previously: don’t buy him the alcohol as a present. That’s it.

If you have romanced Kaidan previously: on Mars, tell him your relationship is over. It is a renegade dialogue option, but it is necessary to avoid the flirtation in the hospital. This route also means that you can buy him the alcohol and he will still not flirt with you.

Please note that going renegade on Mars does not lock you out of his romance. It merely prevents him from assuming you’re interested during your hospital visit.

ME3 BONUS: “OKAY, WHAT ABOUT HIS APOLLO’S PROPOSITION THOUGH?”

This only happens if you have not locked in your romance with your preferred love interest first. For Garrus, this is the bottle shooting date. For Tali and Traynor, it’s inviting her up to your cabin. For Liara and Miranda, it’s her Presidium date. So on and so forth.

This means there is no way around it if you romanced Jacob or Thane and do not want to pursue a different romance after them. If you do get this scene: again, just turn him down. It is never brought up again. He does not act like he’s in love with you going forth. You will get his unromanced date in the Citadel DLC, as well as his unromanced London goodbye.

ASHLEY

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

Ashley’s romance can be triggered after the first main mission has been completed. For many players, I imagine this is Therum, but it really doesn’t matter which mission it is.

Ashley will prompt the conversation, as she will for every other post-main mission conversation so long as her romance remains active. This conversation will be about her concerns about the aliens aboard the Normandy.

Note: Ashley has one less opportunity to avoid triggering her romance in the first post-main mission talk compared to Kaidan. You may also read the conversation in her transcript if you find it easier to follow along, though I have done my best to format this post as cleanly as possible.

ASHLEY: Commander. You have a minute to talk?

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It makes no difference yet.)

ASHLEY: I know things are different aboard the Normandy, but - I'm concerned about the aliens. Vakarian and Wrex. With all due respect, Commander, should they have full access to the ship?

SHEPARD: (Again, you can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It still makes no difference yet.)

>FIRST CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

ASHLEY: This is the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy. I don't think we should give them free reign to poke around the vital systems. Engines. Sensors. Weapons.

SHEPARD (Side - You're out of line!): That's enough, Chief. You always second-guess your superiors?

ASHLEY: Sir! No, sir! I'm sorry. I was out of line. I'll get back to my duties, Commander. (The conversation will end and her romance will not trigger.)

If you do not pick the above option, Ashley will elaborate her stance further until you get to the dialogue wheel with the second (and final) chance to avoid her romance.

>SECOND CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

ASHLEY: My family's defended the Alliance since it was founded. My father, my grandfather, my great-grandmother - they all picked up a rifle and swore the Oath of Service. I guess we just tend to think of Earth's interests as our own.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Just shut up.): I expect you to keep your family politics to yourself, Chief. The mission will be difficult enough without you picking fights with aliens.

ASHLEY: Aye, aye, Commander. (The conversation will end and her romance will not trigger.)

Note: You can still pick the investigation dialogue options that discusses her service and family history. You just have to pick the renegade dialogue option outlined above afterward, instead of any other option.

Like with Kaidan, you do not get any renegade points for picking this option and Ashley does not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an easy way to tell if Ashley’s romance remains active. Conversations between her and Shepard will end with the following:

SHEPARD: We'll talk later, Williams.

ASHLEY: Looking forward to it, sir.

“I’VE ALREADY TRIGGERED IT, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?”

Admittedly, you have fewer easy opportunities to end Ashley’s romance than you do Kaidan’s, and most of the early game ones require Liara’s romance also being active. You are still offered multiple different opportunities out before the game ends, however.

If Ashley and Liara’s romances are both triggered, you will have an opportunity at the beginning of Ashley’s second and third post-main mission talks to end the romance. The gist is the same as Kaidan’s: You can’t go wrong with choosing the renegade dialogue options. This is always the dialogue option that will end her romance. You are almost never going to end her romance with a paragon or neutral dialogue option. She will always prompt this conversation by bringing up your relationship with Liara. Once she does this, just shoot her down.

Again: you get no renegade points from this. She will not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

In both the second and third post-main mission talks, the conversation will go something like:

ASHLEY: Surprised to see you here, sir. Thought you’d be chatting up what’s-her-name. T’Soni.

SHEPARD: (Pick the neutral or renegade dialogue option here; they both lead to the same dialogue branch.)

ASHLEY: Scuttlebutt says you’ve got a bit of a thing for her. I could understand why. The crew’s off-limits, with the regs against fraternization. And at least she looks like a woman.

SHEPARD: (Pick the neutral or renegade dialogue option here. They both end the romance.)

One of the easier exceptions to this that doesn't require Liara’s romance being active is in the second post-main mission talk when Ashley gets Sarah’s vid-mail. It will go like this:

SARAH: - Oh, before I go. You said you’re serving with Commander Shepard now? We saw him on the news here. He’s cute! Later, sis.

ASHLEY: Tell me you didn’t hear that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - That’s unprofessional.): I don’t need to tell you it’s inappropriate to gossip about how “cute” your commanding officer is.

ASHLEY: No, sir. You don’t. Sorry about that. It won’t happen again. (Conversation and romance ends.)

Please note, however, that this will lock you out of the remainder of the conversation and you will not learn about Ashley’s family.

If you have repeatedly not broken off the romance with Ashley after a certain point and Liara’s romance is also active, it will trigger the love triangle scene. This is one of the last points you have to break off Ashley’s romance, but it will lock you into Liara’s romance instead. If you are wanting a no-romance run, I recommend choosing one of the other options instead.

There is also a separate way to end the romance outside these three opportunities. In the third post-main mission talk, you must pick the dialogue option that triggers the argument that can “paragon” Ashley’s opinion on the Council. You must not choose the charm or intimidate option here, and you must then pick the renegade dialogue options. The conversation should go something like this:

ASHLEY: But hey, once we save the galaxy, maybe the Alliance will get its act together. Start acting like an actual government.

SHEPARD (Paragon - The Alliance is all right.): The Alliance isn’t perfect, but it does well enough.

ASHLEY: Have to disagree with you there, skipper. Giving aliens the run of our most advanced ship? Kowtowing to the Council?

SHEPARD (Paragon - It’s not like that.): The Alliance should be able to stand on is own. We can’t. Yet. Why not learn from the races that have been standing for the last thousand years?

ASHLEY: How can you say that, given everything we’ve seen out here? They’re already acting like Saren is our problem. Already siccing us on the bear. The Council races will always think of themselves first. It’s - human nature. We can’t afford to trust them. Not if the survival of humanity is on the line.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I’ve heard enough.): Whatever feelings I might have for you, we have to work with the Council. I can’t let you second-guess our superiors.

ASHLEY: Shepard, I’m a soldier. You’re my commander. If you give me an order, I’ll follow it. I don’t expect you to treat me differently from anyone else under your command. And if you have been - quit it. I thought you knew me better than that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Do I?): Seems like every time we run up against aliens, you whip out the “Earth first” card. I can’t have my authority undermined.

ASHLEY: I never intended to “undermine” you, Shepard. I believe in you. I wish you’d believe in anyone but yourself. With your permission, sir, I’ll return to my duties.

This argument will end her romance. She will also not be paragoned. This is obviously a much more convoluted way to end her romance, but I’m throwing the option out there because it’s 1) hilarious (that final line, oof), and 2) way more dramatic, if you want to roleplay ending the romance for whatever reason.

MISCELLANEOUS

Like with Kaidan, depending on the dialogue options you take for the scenic view on the Citadel, Ashley will always flirt with you. This does not lock you into, or even trigger, her romance. It is entirely possible to not have her flirt with you at all in this scene, and still initiate the romance later. But if you do not want her to flirt with you, simply do this:

[image ID: ME1’s subtitles showing Ashley saying “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.” with the dialogue wheel below it giving the following dialogue choices, starting from the top: “What’s not to like?”, “Let’s move out.”, and “That’s enough, you two.” end ID]

When you get to this part of the scenic view cutscene, choose any dialogue option but the top “What’s not to like?” one.

Also like with Kaidan, even if you’ve already avoided or shut down Ashley’s romance, Liara will still ask if there’s something between the two of you if her romance is active. Tell her that there isn’t (because there isn’t). Her saying this does not re-trigger Ashley’s romance.

Congratulations, you have now survived ME1’s romance mechanics. Enjoy experiencing unromanced Ashley for the rest of the game.

LIARA

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I have found no easy way around Liara’s romance. If anyone else has, I genuinely mean it when I say I would absolutely be open to you telling me, because I would love to know.

The only way to avoid triggering Liara’s romance that I have found are the following:

Simply not talking to her for most of the game (not ideal)

Completing Therum only after you’ve done at least two main missions (also not ideal since it will require Noveria being completed without her)

Completing Therum only after all the other main missions have been completed (again not ideal, though every player should at least do this once if only for the unique content you get from it)

Okay, so what if you want to complete Therum first but still avoid Liara’s romance? I have found one way to accomplish this, but it requires you to be in a romance with Kaidan (or presumably Ashley, but I have only tested this with Kaidan).

After you recruit Liara, you may check up on her in the med-bay but do not initiate conversation after that. If she prompts you by saying, “I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander,” do not pick the yellowed dialogue option:

[image ID: ME1′s subtitles showing Liara saying, “I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander.” with the dialogue wheel showing the following options: “Investigate”, a yellowed option above “Investigate” labeled “I’d like to talk about you.”, and “Goodbye.” end ID.]

After you complete another main mission, you can check back in with Liara and speak to her normally. This conversation should be the one you’d normally get after Therum, where you learn about why she likes archaeology and how she finds Shepard fascinating.

After you complete another main mission, you must talk to Kaidan or Ashley first. To clarify: at this point you should be at the post-third main mission mark. For Kaidan, you will be getting the “Vyrnnus and Rahna” talk that you can read in his transcript; for Ashley, you will be getting the “Williams Curse” talk that you can read in her transcript.

After you speak with Kaidan or Ashley, you may speak with Liara as normal. This conversation should be picking up on where you left off last time. Liara will talk about how she’s looked into Shepard’s history and Shepard can press her for why she’s so interested in them. Liara should then say something like the following lines:

LIARA: I admit, your connection to the Protheans had something to do with my initial interest. But it has grown beyond that. My interest in you, however, is strictly professional. I want to make that clear. It is obvious you and Lt. Alenko already have some type of relationship. I would not want to come between you.

Her romance will not trigger for the rest of the game.

Please note: Again, I have only tested this with Kaidan. But it should, in theory, work the exact same for Ashley considering many of hers and Kaidan’s other romance mechanics are identical.

“THAT’S NICE, BUT HOW DO I END HER ROMANCE IF IT’S ALREADY TRIGGERED?”

You will follow the same steps as in Kaidan and Ashley’s portions. When she prompts you with whether or not there’s anything between the two of you, you must turn her down. You can never go wrong with the renegade dialogue options here. Again: you get no renegade points for it, and Liara treats you no differently going forth.

She will also usually bring up Kaidan or Ashley depending on what Shepard you are playing, and mention that it seems like there’s something between the two of you even when you do not have their romance active. If you aren’t romancing the VS, just tell her that she’s got it wrong, because...she does. It does not re-trigger either of their romances.

YES I AM ALMOST DONE TALKING

The game really does give you ample opportunities to avoid or end the romances (which is only fair considering how easy they are to trip), so hopefully I have outlined at least one you are comfortable taking.

There are other ways to end both Kaidan and Ashley’s romance that I did not mention (such as during the locker scene, or if you try to un-paragon/renegade) - the point of no return you mainly have to worry about is en route to Ilos. I imagine most players will have their romances sorted out by then, though, so I’m not sure it’s worth mentioning unless you’re wanting to do it purely for roleplay reasons. (In which case: you may read those in their respective transcripts if you’re curious.)

I cannot say I have tested every single romance cut-off, but I have tested most of the important ones players are most likely to take. I am assuming the romances are cut off based on the fact Shepard and the VS’ farewells will change depending on their romanced status (as I outlined in their respective sections), which I do feel is a safe bet. But if you try one of these and find that it did not end the romance: I’m sorry, and please do let me know (and also what platform you play on).

If you read all of this: thank you for your time, and I hope you find this guide useful!