#And my dad - the main parent that raised me - was in the fucking military. He wasn't some guy that was never busy.

[diabolocracy]

Anything new about Bill S 210?

From what the Parliament site says, it hasn't been touched since June. But between now and sometime next year there's probably going to be an election so that can change at any time, especially if they begin to rush things.

[wordstome]

i’m here to encourage you to please elaborate on singledad!könig

also, do any of their kids have any scuffles with each other? how do the parents and children deal with it?

This ask was sent 10 minutes after the dream daddy post went up. Anon, I adore you.

I was going to put single dad König in this same post, but then it started to go on and on, and I want to take my time with the second half of your ask as well, so all my König thoughts will go in a separate post. Thank you for enabling me :3

(also this is the post I lost 3 paragraphs worth of writing on. It was literally all of Price and Ghost's sections, so forgive me if they're not up to par).

Price: With three kids, there are bound to be spats. Brianna taking something of Alice's without asking, Clara ruining one of the older girls' possessions, etc. etc. People see Price with all girls and remark how peaceful his house must be, but Price (and anybody who has a sister) knows that is NOT true. The Price home is chaos interrupted by periods of peace. Luckily, their dad is a literal military captain, so he's able to whip them into shape. All manner of crying, yelling, and shrieking can be silenced with one singular "GIRLS!" from the man himself. Then after that comes the soothing and the stern talking-tos.

Ghost: I think Simon was great with kids pre-Roba, he had Tommy and then his nephew Joseph. But post-Roba and his work in the special forces, he's much more rough around the edges. Like I said in the main post, Caden is a pretty quiet kid, so I can't see him starting or getting into any trouble. But he is still a 10 year old, so I can see him throwing a fit when he's frustrated or uncomfortable. If this happens in public, Simon will pull him aside and talk to him quite sternly, especially if Caden is making a ruckus as an emotional outlet. In private, he gives Caden space to let it all out, and then talks to him afterwards. However, if Caden can articulate what's upsetting him, he's very gentle and understanding. One way or another, I can see Simon getting help with his PTSD, so he uses a lot of techniques that his therapist taught him with Caden.

Soap: I imagine Elodie as about 6-7 years older than Thomas, who is a literal baby, so I can't see that they get into any fights. Mostly Elodie getting cranky about Thomas getting all the attention, at which point Johnny has to reassure his daughter and give her some love as well. When they're older, Elodie is a classic older sister who fucks with her little brother. She's never truly malicious, but there are definitely times when Johnny's standing in front of them sighing and pinching his nose because Elodie's played a nasty prank on her brother. Johnny's a very picks-his-misbehaving-kid-up-like-a-doll-and-gives-them-a-noogie kind of parent. He's never raised his voice at his kids, but instead has an "if what I think is happening is happening, it better not be" tone that instantly strikes fear into his kids' hearts. I can hear it in my head. I know you guys can hear it in your head too. 'Nuff said.

Gaz: It's hard to say what it's like when Kyle's kids fight: I can see Violet being the sort of girl who is quite close with her younger brother, so I can't really imagine a lot of scenarios in which they would fight. But Elliott is a younger brother and Violet is a growing teenage girl, so there have probably been a few times when Violet got mad at Elliott and screamed at him or said something that she regretted. Kyle and Emily will both scold the kids when they step out of line, and they both do their part when it comes to discipline. Kyle in particular is a very "I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed" sort of parent. He expects a lot of Violet, but sometimes that pressure can get to her.

König: This man is overwhelmingly soft for his daughter. The calmest, most gentle giant. I think out of all the dads he's most susceptible to spoiling her, which obviously could become a problem. He's incredibly lucky though, because Ava is an angel. She is spoiled, being an only child on her daddy's colonel salary, but she gives more "kind rich girl" vibes than "inconsiderate little brat". I'm going to elaborate more on this in the upcoming König post, but he's got this deep sadness to him because he lost his wife. Ava is a pretty perceptive child, so she doesn't act out unless she's having a really hard time, in which case König is nothing but soothing and reassuring.

Horangi: If Ryujin (Hong-jin's daughter) has beef with you, he's kicking your ass right alongside her. When she was young, she was fully capable of both starting and finishing fights, and Hong-jin was an incorrigible enabler who was more likely to double over laughing than scold his daughter. Her mother usually had to be the disciplinarian. Hong-jin and Ryujin have a complicated relationship, but in adulthood, they're pretty even keel, and have grown even closer since the death of Ryujin's mom.

Keegan: Jason and Cecelia have been through a lot together, so they don't really fight. When they do though, it's nasty, and Keegan serves as more of a go-between than a disciplinarian role. Both of them will seek advice from him, but he understands that they know each other better than he does. Not for lack of trying, of course, but it's inevitable with older adoptions. His role comes from having more life experience, and he's got a kind of impenetrable chill that makes everybody a lot calmer.

[lovely-vermin]

Welcome home cast with a single parent reader

A/N:My mother was a single mother and so I wanted to do this in dedication to her! Also this can be seen as platonic or romantic! Reader is GN but their baby is a boy named Harvey whose 3 years old. Also if I forget any tags tell me so! Also my oc Matteo is in this! Maybe Out of character but also Teenage mutant ninja turtle is told.

A/N 2:It’s mostly with Harvey because Harvey is based off of me a bit and I was an adventurous and chaotic yet well behave kid so I’d make friends fast. Also VERY LONG and cussing but never from you,Harvey or the characters also I didn’t do Poppy as I just can’t really figure out how to write her

Wally darling

•Wally finds your son adorable! Harvey and Home are best friends who are best friends! (Other then he and Julie of course) Wally is willing to help around as he sees your the only parent

•Everyone who was raised here (I’m guessing Wally was as it’s not stated or if it was I haven’t read it) they all know the way around. Wally who was raised here gives you tips and tricks around this place and also areas where Harvey might get.

•If your busy then he’ll offer to watch over him. Harvey is a well behave kid but has ADHD so often he’ll start rambling with Wally. Wally just smiled and nods even if he doesn’t understand what Harvey says.

• “O-oh and Mikey is my favorite! He always says ‘CAWBONGA!’ Then attacks with his brothers” “oh wow! How about you tell me more?” He doesn’t know what the fuck Teenage mutan ninja turtles but loves to listen to it!

•Wally loves to draw with Harvey and you. Harvey draws eyes mostly but there never realistic as he kinda hates drawing them.

•In all Harvey loves your son and also is willing to baby sit!

Eddie Dear

•He finds Harvey very adorable. Also you get more mail then anyone as because your a single parent from people.

•Eddie makes Harvey the Honorary mailman. He probably tells you before hand so that you don’t get uncomfortable or worried. Harvey is very helpful and mimics a military walk to only tumble a bit the giggle

•He isn’t a babysitter as he only has the weekend off (then you take over bc you two have turns) and he uses that time for self care. He doesn’t mind playing with the kid if he has free time or if he chooses to on the weekends.

•Harvey made his own hat that sorta looks likes Eddies but instead it has a lot of patches but Eddie finds it adorable.

• “Look It’s Frank! You wanna give him the mail buddy?” “Mhm! I got this!” “Alrighty! Here’s the mail and remember to make yourself known” “Okie dokie!” Harvey then skipped to Frank’s house. “FRANKIE! YOU GOTS MAIL!” “AHH! Oh my goodness! You scared me Harvey but thank you buddy” “Yous is welcome!” Harvey left giggling as he was happy. Eddie was smiling the whole time

•He’s sorta a dad figure to Harvey and Harvey has called him dad on many occasions but Eddie doesn’t mind as he finds it cute.

Frank

•Frank is actually the main babysitter because Harvey has nicknamed him ‘Uncie Frank!’ Or ‘Frankie!’ But also he’s the one whose most likely to make Harvey actually have nap time and get his energy out.

•Frank is willing to help take over if he sees your overwhelmed because on some weeks you work with Howdy and on some weekends you work with the mail office! You are on and off between weeks and weekends

•Frank tells him all about butterflies making Harvey come over often just to hear more. Harvey usually sits down,looks up with him with a curious puppy face as he listens.

• “Uncie Frankie,what dat?” “That is…not a butterfly but it’s a moth but what type?” Soon you came behind them to pick up Harvey. “Oh an oleander hawk moth! Beauty ain’t it?” “DADDY/MOMMY!” Frank jumped a bit the sighed in relief. “Ah Y/N,also it is beautiful” picking up Harvey as you placed him on your hip you took a picture of the hawk moth with the camera around your neck. “I did a whole essay on that when I was in school!”

Julie Joyful

•Julie loves both you and Harvey! She’s often at your house to spend time with you or Harvey or both! She’s basically become your second child and Harvey’s sister.

•She actually lets you take naps as she plays with Harvey. She’s worried as you overwork and overwhelm yourself. She makes sure Harvey lets you rest so they’ll play outside for your nap.

•Julie is the second babysitter if Frank can’t babysit. Harvey and Julie get each other’s energy out fast with the many games they play! Mostly play pretend or hopscotch or their playing games they made up together

•Knocking on your door Julie smiled as she swayed side to side. You opened the door yawing as Harvey was on the ground pretending to be a worm. “Julie,hey guessing you wanna play with Harvs?” “Mhm! You can take a nap Y/N! I’ll take good care of him!” “Thank you,been on chaotic week” Soon you face planted into the couch immediately falling asleep. “Hey Harvey wanna go play hopscotch?” “Yes peas!” Harvey got up running towards Julie as they went outside to give you peace.

•Julie sometimes has sleepovers because she loves the way you make her feel oh so safe! Plus more time with her favorite buddy! She’s now the sister figure of Harvey

Howdy

•Howdy meet him because Harvey secretly helped him with his job. He didn’t notice until all the cans he needed to be put up were gone to only see a three your old put them away how he likes it. “Heya kid,where’s your guardian” “Mommy/daddy is with Uncie Wally! Said I can get candy but wanna help you because you look like Mommy/daddy when they work a LOT!” Howdy chuckled at Harvey’s comment. Ended up letting the kid take it for free for being so helpful

•When he met you he saw Harvey again but how he kept begging to push the cart which you allowed with your help as he is so tiny! He loved your personality and now sees why Harvey said that the first time they met.

•The others often come in talking but you and Harvey always come up. He does make conversation with you both becoming friends with you two fast as Harvey gifts him drawings or old action figures he no longer plays with but wants Howdy to have!

•He can’t babysit as he’s very busy but that’s not needed when Harvey will just sit by his counter rambling about things and playing with the toys he brought or his fingers. Finds it adorable to only realize Harvey has a habit of wondering away

•May or may not offer to make him a balloon for you to tie around his wrist…your still considering it

Sally Starlet

•Adores Harvey as he always makes it to her shows with you but she doesn’t get mad when you fall asleep,she knows it’s very difficult as a single parent so she’ll make sure to let you sleep during her plays.

•Harvey sometimes joins her plays but when he does their usually easy plays as he’s only three years old. She is amazed how a three year old can make outfits (He learnt from his GamGam aka Grandma because she knit and sew a lot!)

• “Okay Harvey what’s your lines?” Sally was smiling as she was bending down to Harvey’s height. Harvey thought for a while. “It’s ‘I shall slay da monster!’ Right?” “Yeah good job buddy!” She gave him double high-fives making him giggle

•Will hold your son under her arm while she carefully speed walks as Harvey pretends to be an airplane. She can be a babysitter but it depends if she’s got plans or shows

Barnaby

•He fucking loves the kid! Is like Harvey’s best friend as he’ll just pick up the kid and run around making Harvey laugh.

•When he met you he knew immediately that he’ll start to take the kid just so you can rest because of how energetic and adventurous Harvey is. Will also let you sleep on him as well as Harvey because he’s super sort(his fur helps)

• “Harvey! Wanna play hide and seek?” “YES PEAS!” “Okay! I’ll hide!” “Otay! I count to…20!” Harvey turned around shutting and covering his eyes while Barnaby went to hide. When you went to pick up Harvey you were met with your son hiding on top of a tree while Barnaby looked for him. You took a picture before calling for Harvey. They played again tomorrow.

•He’s Harvey’s big brother figure.

Matteo Beloved

•He and Harvey are twins. Will take Harvey to his radio station just so they can spend time together as Harvey loves him and Matto sees him as his little brother.

•He was raised by a single mother so he knows how tricky it will be for you. Always comes over and cooks for you so you can rest for a while will also become Harvey’s teacher as he was in the past. Honestly the neighbors just assume he lives with you now instead of his radio station but he still lives there

• “Heya chiquito!” “UNCIE MATTIE!” Matteo was smiling as he crouched for the boy to hug him. “Oh super big strong hug!” “Hehe! I super strong!” “Yeah you are! Wanna help me with today’s broadcast?” “Mhm!” You smiled as Matto put him on his shoulder as the two chaotic boys laughed on their way to the station.

•He and Harvey both ramble about their hyper fixation,ends up with them falling asleep. You gave him a copy of your key as he basically lives with you. You came home one late night to see Harvey sleeping on the boogie man’s chest with the TV playing Teenage mutan ninja turtles which you of coursed took a picture of!

Over all the whole neighborhood loves you and your son making them all be a big old family with you

[atalante241]

My squishy brain has come to a conclusion

The fact of HOW Bruce Wayne/Batman perceives his relationships to all the Bat-kids puts the way he acts into a multitude of very different lights in different works, for example

If he thinks of the whole Batclan as a military battalion of sorts then bunch of the stuff he does makes a lot more sense, you know?

But if he thinks of them as family, it raises a lot of questions

But this also raises the point of, if he DOES think of them as a form of militia in his war/crusade, how does the batclan think of him

Bc all the “main” batkids (I think?) have thought of him as some kind of father at some point in their lives

And if they have/do think of him as a form of parental figure, this puts forward really different expectations of how they should treat each other.

Bc Bruce would be here thinking: “Nightwing can’t do patrol tonight, his arm is compromised. It could affect him in the middle of a potential blah blah blah”

While Dick would be here thinking something like: “Bruce is making me stay back bc he cares abt my well-being”

Idfk, my brain is doing the fucking tango at this point

This is a brain worm born from sleep deprivation, don’t take this seriously, I have no clue what I’m talking abt

Omg, I just realized, my brain made a great angst AU. Look at it at work even thought I don’t use it well. This is some grade A AU angst shit

Something like “ur a shit dad!” Being screamed and Bruce being like “I’m not ur dad?? I’m ur commanding office or something idfk?” And the yeller is like “what” and everybody else in the room is also like “wait, what the fuck.” And Bruce is just like “u guys think of me as a dad???” And literally every person in the room is like “we weren’t supposed to??”

I want it to be extremely clear this isn’t a canon character analysis in any form, it’s more like an angsty AU idea

[riastarthe]

hællo i am going to talk about my new story (comic) a little bit here because i'm getting really into it and keeping it all to myself as someone who loves to yak is making me cwazy

so it's 198X-199X. our main character is jack kaychak, american citizen because his parents are but has never lived there, he's been living in the Autonomous Mountain Republic of Hyrcania with his adopted dad upon whom he was foisted after his mom (who had only wandered in after a devastating accident) found a way back home. it ended up being a good situation for her— he remains a secret, he is an excuse to maintain presence in the region, she doesn't have to fully raise him, and just visits annually (more, when he's younger) to bring him out into the wilderness on little excursions testing his abilities like teaching him how to build and fire guns and lauding the american hamburger she brought all the way from Dulles airport.

so anyway later in the story i'm picturing her, Dr. Christine (Crístíona) "Chris" Larkin, dio posing at jack to intimidate him, completely black rage manic screaming with pride about her work including her hand in the ongoing collapse of the USSR. which among more intimately direct consequences of her actions has Also directly and negatively impacted the life of her kid's adopted family, something that isn't even a selfish personal thought for her at that level, let alone a larger-scale one. she views the world from a zoomed-out vantage point, pushing little markers around on a war map. not in an evil villain way but the way some people with some jobs get to float thru their mundane acts of violence because they never have to see the full effect, it's just hypothetical and far away and if they don't have to be in the shit then why would they?

very funny because that's exactly where her former colleague, one Dr. Rallis, wants to be— a less intimate type of war, less personally destroying, less lives lost wantonly (he thinks)— and the exact opposite place he has been.

since she's irish-american, she's obviously the reactionary atheist warhawk daughter of catholic connolly marxists... and now, she's climbed the military ladder to a high status by doing clandestine """human research""" for the empire. love to see a gael gal gain upward mobility. thas representation luv xx!

but along the way she lost funding and volunteers, so she had to become a carrier of her own wee experiment and now we have this fucked up baby who's too hard to kill :'( and she has become.... attached, in a way. but not enough to be normal.

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Finale Review: The Last Adventure! or So Long and Thanks for All The Ducks

Hello all you happy people. The day we’ve all simultaneously waited for and dreaded is here. The grand finale to a five year journey.. and for me an almost one year journey of covering season 3 as it came out. It was thanks to this show i’ve been able to make money doing what I love. Without it I never would’ve found my patreon Kev, and I never woul’dve had the solid focus to keep going as long as I have. And I never would’ve had all you lovely people reading my work. Thank you for that. I hope you’ll stick around even though the series is gone, I love you all. But as the sun sets on this series I have one last episode of the season, and the series to cover. I won’t be doing it in my usual recap style due to it’s sheer length and scope, but I promise you if you join me under the cut I will break down eveyrthing I can about this final adventure, it’s huge, awe inspiring twists.. and it’s heartwarming conclusion. It’s everything you could want from a finale short of a Grandma Duck Cameo, and i���ts under the cut with full spoilers. Seriously if you do not want any spoilers TURN BACK NOW. I’m opening with probably the biggest spoiler of the finale. 

I Think She’s A Clone Now You were warned. So.. Webby is Scrooge’s Clone, made by FOWL as part of a decades long scheme to find the papyrus of binding, and raised by Beakly to keep this precious child out of their sinister clutches. I have hundreds of reaction images, several for what the fuck.. none of them seem sufficient.. ALL OF THEM together like some megazord of what the fuck are not sufficient for how much this reveal caught me off guard. It caught ALL of us off guard. I’m sure even those who called it still were suprised that’s the direction it took. I think we all expected her parents died by FOWL, or her parents were FOWl with Pepper being one of them, or anything else. So naturally it took around 14 drafts, and me going the fuck to sleep as I had stayed up to watch the finale and thought I could just smoothly transition into writing the review despite there being a LOTTTTT to unpack.

Even after the recharge though this took a bit of doing... so now i’ve done it... what’d I think? Whelp....

I liked it. I like it the more I think about it. Even the problems I had with it just kinda melted away as I thought about it. I understand if you do not. This twist will not be for everyone, it changes Webby’s character and story entirely, ruins tons of fan theories, and in general is batshit even for a series that in the same finale, turned Manny into a shout out to Gargoyles, complete with Keith “My Body is Ready” David. This series is genuinely batshit and loves it, but this is a LOT to ask dramatically, a lot to rewrite expectation wise and a lot to thinka bout. There’s a reason besides sleep deprevation it took me a whlie to fully grasp how I felt. So if you don’t like it fine, but i’m going to make my best case. 

Starting with something that made me realize I fully like it: It dosen’t invalidate Webby’s charcter. The one little problem I had left was “Well dosen’t Webby having the McDuck bloodline mean she couldn’t be specail if she wasn’t a McDuck? That sure the rest of the cast are specail but you can’t be really important without it?” Honestly.. no. Webby is who she is not because she’s a McDuck.. but because she’s Webby. She got her martial arts and mystery solving skills through Beakly and being raised. She had intate talent sure.. but as we’ve seen with the boys through the whole series, talent has to be honed. Skill has to be earned and learned.  Webby worked hard to research other civilizations, worked hard to hone herself into a deadly fighting machine with her mother’s help, worked hard to be every bit as cool as her idol who turned out to be her biological dad. She earned her badassery, her wisdom and her courage SQUARE. 

And more than that she’s her own person. Her adoptive parent and biological parent are both paranoiacs afraid of betryal, unwilling to trust, and slow to let anyone in. By all accounts Webby should be the same.. but she’s not. Oh sure she has some paranoia and is willing to slit some throats, she was raised by the world’s best spy and is the daughter of the world’s greatest hero, that was never going to be gone entirely. But at her core she just wants to trust people. She just wants to love them and be loved. And.. that’s why her family loves her. Because she’s the kindest, the warmest and the best of them. They love her because she’s Webby and that’s she’s family, they could care less who she’s related to. All it really changes is how Scrooge acts around her and that gives us fans tons to work with. 

It’s also expertly revealed, which helped ease us into it. Webby is just as shocked and confused as we are and is seriously hurt, which makes her vulnerable to the villains. Kate Miccui deserves a goddamn award for voice acting and if their isn’t an award show for that their should be. While she’s been fantastic with Webby all series long this is her finest performance, going from Webby’s usual self, to all the hurt she goes through.. to her quitter moments at the end, calling Scrooge dad and giving out a little noise that makes it clear as Beakly tries to leave, that no.. she’ still her family.. she’s still her mom and she’s not going anywhere. 

As for the concept being a bit ridiculous yes it is.. but so is this universe. This universe is entirely insane in the best fucking way possible: I mean.. look at this final group shot. 

We have an old man whose somehow still alive simply because he was too busy to die, an inventor whose cloned himself multiple times so clones are fesable and is probably a clone himself given how the last finale went, an awkward armored superhero and his biotech filled girlfriend, a small boy robot weapon of discretion who put his head on his brother’s body, a no longer headless manhorse former harbinger of the apocalypse with the silky voice of keith david as one big homage to gargoyles, a lesbian living shadow and her sister, a superhero who based himself on a fictional character and his boyfriend/sidekick who by all accounts should be dead by now, a lesbian military superheroine from the moon, STORKULES COCKBLOCKER OUT OF MYTH, his moong goddes sister, two adopted family stunt pilots, a bunch of super intelligent mice, an odd duck whose kinda sorta dating a giant shrimp, his cousin with super luck powers, my globetrotting boys, an immortal treasure hunter and in the family proper: a former spy turned adopted mom of a clone, a woman who lived on the moon for a good decade, a man who once trapped everyone in what would essentially be the plot of the mcu’s second best work by pure accident, a blue boy whose piloted a plain, captained pirates, and has his own talk show, a green boy whose ran a multi-trillion dollar company, nearly destroyed all of time and space and is under investigation for fraud, and a red boy who has a hulk-esque rage filled embodiment of all his suppressed emotions, whose fondest wish was tall legs, and who can easily take out a giant magica supermachine with some fancy wiring. So the richest duck in the world having a clone daughter, while divisvie and what not.. is far more plausable than we give it credit for. As are her new sisters who Id in’t forget but are part of the whole twist. 

So yeah, I like the twist and my nitpick is more that despite having a full season to set it up.. they saved it for the last episode. Instead of BUILDING on Webby’s desire to know more about her family and having the twins show up earlier.. it’s all shove into the finale. It’s a well done shoving but there’s so much that could be explored with Webby being Scrooge’s daughter, so much that futzes with the regular family dynamics and we don't’ get any of it. Sure it was probably saved for a possible season 4 but they treated this season as the last. Manny being an apocalyptic man horse voiced by the uber sexy keith david, and no I will not stop bringing that up even outside of it’s own section and why yes it is getting it’s own section, is the kind of revelation you can leave for one last episode. “One of the main cast is a clone” really isn’t and that’s disapointing. 

Especially since thinking back to life and times.. Webby IS a lot like Scrooge was before circumstance hardened him. She’s tough, resourceful.. but also has a peppy spirit to her. It adds interesting shades to her character, where she zigs where Scrooge zags, how much of it is her upbringing with Granny versus his with his parents, how much did Beakley play into it. There’s A lot to dig into and given I have most of the series left to review, I will get to dig into it, and there’s a lot to be explored in fanfic so if I wasn’t already planning a massive one before I sure as fuck am now. So it’s not a bad twist nor bad we get to write the future.. but I do wish the crew THEMSELVES had done more with it. Still my bar for “not fucking up the entire show” is pretty low after Star Vs ended with her committing implied genocide to stop a genocide and How I Met Your Mother ended “But the real journey was in how much I want to bang, bang bangity bang I said a bang bang bangity bang your aunt robin now your mother conveniently died”. I can handle “This twist is kind of weird but also really intresting.” If the twist isn’t for you, as I said i get it. This is my opinion. Now for the thing I won’t shut up about. 

I LIVE AGAIN:

Look i’ve made no secret how thirsty I am for Keith David nor how much of a national treasure I rightly believe him to be. He’s one of my faviorite voice actors, with a mind boggling number of awesome rolls, mostly recently as a fowl mouthed coffe cup encouraging a teacher to sabotage his rival teachers breaks on close enough. Even if I didn’t like Gargoyles, which I do, i’d have an entire section talking about that Manny reveal. 

Manny was already objectively one of the best parts of the show, a hilariously weird addition that was also relatable as he just wanted to fit in. I did not know you could make him better. Then they gave him Keith David’s voice and revealed he’s one of the four horseman of the apocalypse, but doesn’t want to end the world he just wants to be a normal dude, AND turned him into a shout out to the last part of the disney afternoon they hadn’t touched, my favorite part of it and a show i’ve been sitting on watching in full for far too long. Motherfucking Gargoyles. 

But given how unique it was for the Disney Afternoon and how much Disney had no desire to ever reference or use the franchise, still no fucking clue as to why they are sitting on money here, I expected it to be sadly but understandably left out. Instead they made Manny into an expy for them, gave him the voice of their leader Goliath, the voice of an angel, and had him say “I LIVE AGAIN” complete with the utterly transcendent theme song. Seriously give it a listen. 

So yeah I couldn’t not mark out at this. Amazing fucking stuff and almost as unexpected as the clone thing and easily my second faviorite part of the fiinale only NARROWLY topped by the curtain call. Which we’ll get to. Keith David took his time getting to this series but they saved the best guest voice for last. Utter tremendous. 

Huey Season?: I”ll save more of this for my breakdown as the season as a whole but yeah while the finale as a whole was good.. I do feel Huey got short changed. He got PLENTY of development this season, and some REALLY good scenes with Bradford.. but ultimately he got overshadowed by the Webby thing. it just never quite felt like Huey got a real resolution to his character arc the way his brothers did. He still got some REALLY good moments, his “Just cough up the information Bentina!” was one of his finest and Danny Pudi did his best. The BUILDUP was good but hte payoff was non existant and easily the weakest part of an otherwise triumphant finale. I feel the final plot was ultimately just a bit too jam packed to really have Huey feel vital to it the way Dewey was to the Della arc and Louie was to his own arc. Both tgot big emotional payoffs in his finale but the most I could gather here was he accepted adventure? I guess. It just really feels off, like I missed the payoff to everything when it’s probably just nonexistent and that bothers me a lot. In a finale that was almost all hit.. this was easily the biggest misstep. I don’t have as much to say here on it.. but that’s because it’s really that simple: they gave Huey’s arc a ton of build up in this last episode and some of his others, really made him into Bradford’s good counterpart.. then just sorta.. forgot it because “oh shit Webby’s scrooge’s daughter kinda need to pull focus here”. Had they given this arc at least one more episode, we might of had time for it. Granted i’m not sure how much they could get away with but we clearly needed at least one more episode and what they chose to jettision, the climax to Huey’s story.. was way more important than they clearly thought and i’m heavily disappointed. 

Bradford’s Big Hole Speaking of payoffs the missing mysteries payoff.. is a mixed bag. I expected all of them to combine some how into some elaborate plan I just wasn’t seeing. In hindsight it does make sense that wasn’t it: Bradford hates overcomplicated schemes, so his would be incredibly simple and require as few moving parts as possible. It still dosen’t stop the fact that the big plan to cap off the entire series built over a season... was to build a giant stygian hole of non existence to throw people into. 

Yes really. Instead of using the Payprus to write them out of existance, if carefully worded or try doing it all at once or anything practical.. Bradford just plans to shove everything he dosen’t want in the world anymore into a hole.  Look i’ts not like it ruins the episode, there’s still tons of tension from him holding Scrooge’s loved ones over his hole and threating to throw them into it’s gaping void. And it’s foiled by a 12 year old just.. shutting it off. Like I get him leaving an off switch on, that’s just common sense.. but why wouldn’t he have a remote or something to turn it back on? one with a password or something to lock it. There’s something inherently underwhelming about as series ending plan that can be summed up “hope no one shuts my unguarded hole. “

The finale does make for it by using the missing mysteries all in VERY clever ways. In fact every episode in the season had some sort of payoff here. It’s what makes up for how baffling the main plan is: every other thing, from the missing mysteries to the guest stars has lead up to this one moment, this one final adventure. Which leads me too

An Hurricane of Payoffs:

So from the top Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchucks!: Isabella Finch herself ends up being VITAL to the story and to Bradford’s backstory, as does Junior Woodchucking as a whole. Quack Pack!: Gene is the fuel for Blot’s glove.. though he also fucks off right afterwords.. never to be seen again or help out at any point...

Double-O-Duck in You Only Crash Twice!: This was the most unexpected and elevated the episode in hindsight for me as what seemed like a waste of time.. wound up setting up the first part of the finale, and the final battle with Steelbeak, and in clever ways with Steelbeak using the intelliray on himself, Launchpad muttering the map in his sleep via his smart self and Dewey remembering the base layout. 

The Lost Harp of Mervana: Used as a lie detector for that heartbreaking interrogation scene. 

Louie’s Eleven: Introduced Daisy setting up Donald’s plot which i’ll get to. 

Astro BOYD: My baby boy comes back for this episode! He also gets one of the best lines of it “I’m a Head!”. That is the most ralph wiggum the boy has ever been. I’m so proud. 

Rumble For Ragnarok: Okay I was wrong nothing from this one comes back. Still a great episode. Same with the trickening. Both are VERY stellar episodes though, so I give it a pass. You can’t give a nod to EVERYTHING. 

The Phantom and the Sorceress: The Blot and Super Sayian God Super Sayian Lena, as well as Lena’s character development from said episode.  They Put a Moonlander on the Earth!: Launchpad helping Penny realize her purpose.  Forbidden Fountain: Jeeves is un-babied as a trap Let’s Get Dangerous!: Drake and Gosalyn Return, and Solageo’s Circut ends up being vital to the climax.. in the strangest and funnest way to say possible but still. It counts.  Escape from the Impossibin: Beakley’s near breakdown at the idea FOWL has come back. It was already heartbreaking and the first adventure had made it even more so.. but now it’s out and out DEVISTATING. The one thing after her daughter is not only back.. but SHE’S the reason he’s in Scrooge’s life and home and her giving up SHUSH has now left her wide open. 

The Split Sword: Probably the best out of all of these as it ends up directly playing into the climax in an awesome way i’m saving for Bradfords New Gods: Storkules shows up. Okay so that every episode claim bit me on the ass. Also when did these two meet? I mean probably at end of spear of selene but the more important question is WHY DID YOU ROB  ME OF THESE TWO MEETING AT ANY POINT IN THE SERIES. 

The First Adventure: Naturally the Payprus comes back as Does herons needling bradford to stop denying what he is. 

Fight For Castle McDuck: Suprisingly the blessed bagpipes ended up being VITALLY important. And giving us sexiest man alive infinity years running Keith David for an episode.  Last Christmas; Santa Cameo

Beaks in the Shell: Gandra being taken and the Lost Library being setup for this episode. 

Lost Cargo: The Stone of What Was. And Credit where its due what FELT like simply a filler episode with a tantengal connectoin.. ended up probably being one of the most important episodes. Fair play. 

Life and Crimes: Magica turning Bradford into a non sentient bird, like what happened to her brother.... proving once again this episode really REALLY needed as subplot attached to lead into the finale or something. 

Bonus Round: Pilot payoffs by the pound. Seriously Scrooge and Donald’s last lines to each other, the badass return of “I’m a Pilot”, more on that in a minute, and even other smaller call backs like “Keep Getting Up” and webby sucessfully getting some juice to Louie’s pride. All top notch stuff and it really makes the finale FEEL like one with all this coming back full circle. So i’ve hinted at it enough, let’s bring on the bad guy. 

The First Woodchuck

We’ve had some mixed payoffs so let’s get to one that’s just out and out excellent. Bradford Buzzard.. is the best villian the show ever had. Now I will give the caveat that my favorite forever and always will be

You know it, I know it. But Bradford is the best genuine threat of the series, with Marc Evan Jackson perfectly balancing his menace and genuine evil.. with his steadfast believe that he isn’t evil, and his calm, controlled business demeanor. It’s one of the best performances of the show and he deserves all the credit for it and after seeing him in supporting roles for his career, even if his role as Kevin on Brooklyn Nine-Nine is fucking awesome and I’m sad that show is ending, it’s nice to see him step into a big meaty role as the big bad and utterly nail it. 

And the finale.. pays eveyrthing off with him, apart from the plan itself perfectly. Starting off him being revealed as Isabella Finch’s grandson... was  a stroke of genius. I didn’t expect her to come back in play but it gives perfect reason both why he knew about the mysteries.. and why he’s like this. 

Like Scrooge did with his nephews, niece and daughter, Isabella dragged Bradford all around the world seeing the unseen, thinking it was fun. The problem was... Bradford HATED it. He hated every minute of it, like as one post pointed out Rusty Venture from the Venture bros, and felt he should be in school. He wanted a normal life and a normal world and not.. this waking nightmare. So to him, fixing the world, stopping this sort of thing is the only way and that doing so is a good thing. His problem is how he adapted to it.

We see that best in his mirror images, the people he’s in direct contrast with and the show knows it. Starting off with the one he’s not like at all is Scrooge. Part of what makes Bradford perfect is he’s Scrooge’s evil opposiite. The Luthor to His Superman, The Joker to his Batman, the Green Goblin to his Spider-Man, the Iron Monger to his Iron Man, the Sinestro to his Green Lantern. Both come from a long line of adventure but while Scrooge embraces that and loves it, Bradford hates it and wants to destroy it. One is energetic and always ready, the other’s calm, calculated. And one sees what he is.. and the other dosen’t. Simple as that.

But his other mirror’s are more like him, moving onto Huey. Their both woodchucks, both prefer caution and planning, and both want to make some sense of a nonsensical world. Both want to feel safe when they constnatly don’t. One’s prone to panic attack the other’s calm. But what makes Huey the better man... is that he accepts the world is the way he is. It goes all the way back to terror of the terrafirmains. While he was all for adventure he started his doubting things, not beliving things were real.. because the reality that there are some things you just can’t prepare for, just can’t know, and you can’t be always ready.. it shattered him. He nearly let himself die rather than live knowing what’s out there. Webby pulled him out of that, literally and figuratively.. and he never went back. Sure he still tries to have an order to things, still breaks when his structure’s broken.. but it’s gone from a paranoid fear of the unknown and weird to embracing it. To relishing in finding unsolved mysteries and new clues to unlock, to finding new things to explore. He went from seeing this chaotic world as something to run from, to embracing and studying it. To loving it the way it is the way his family loves him for who he is. Bradford.. denies reality belongs the way it is and wants to force it into what HIS idea of it is Superboy Prime Style. The world isn’t waht he thought it should be so he’ll MAKE it that way. Huey grew as a person.. while his arc didn’t have a full payoff.. it still pays off here by showing what he COULD’VE been. had he let his earlier fear and his always present neurosis drive him like Bradford has. Let his big brain make him think he knows what’s better for EVERYONE instead of using it to genuinely help people. Bradford lacks the boys heart and empathy and that’s why he fell. Huey had his family backing him, his best friends coming to get him, and his brothers ultimately rescue him. Bradford.. threw his only true ally down a styigan murder hole. 

Finally.. we have the one that’s not brought up directly.. but is very much there. Donald. While the two don’t interact hardly at all... it’s VERY fitting that Donald is the one Bradford picks to threaten Scrooge with. Like Bradford... Donald grew to hate adventure, he wanted to get as far away from it as possible and took it from his boys for as long as he could. Granted that was in part Bradford’s fault, and that was an INCREDIBLY clever twist: it dosen’t make him entirley responsible or anything that robs the moment of it’s imapct, Della still chose to take it out by herself, she still lied to Donald and she still got lost all by her own decision and impuslviness. But it fits perfectly into it: Bradford’s horrifying smile when Scrooge gets taken away from saving her is even WORSE now with full context, and it still fits that knowing about the project.. he’d want to set it up to screw up Scrooge’s life. I don’t think he sabotaged the rocket or anything, too obvious and something Della would’ve mentioned by now.. but he knew it was unfinished. 

Back to the parallel the diffrence is once again.. change. Donald let go of his hate of scrooge and his past and realized it wasn’t all bad. He let himself grow as a person after a decade of bitterness and anger. But most tellingly and poignantly is Quack Pack... both had a chance to make a world that was safe, normal and what they always wanted. Both out of terror of the danger of this world.  Thing is.. Donald’s was noble. He feared for his kids, his sister, his uncle.. loosing one again and any of them at all. He wanted a normal life to be safe, to hide from that.. but it’s not what THEY wanted or who they are. He accepted that’s not how the world works and how it does.. is still pretty great. And his growth shows: he’s ending the series planning to go off with his girlfriend globetrotting, KNOWING things might not be safe, but diving into adventure, having accepted it as part of him. He even finds some new family and takes in two girls who badly needed a home. He learned to accept things how they are... and Bradford refuses, not beliving in this world as it is and vowing to force it into the way he wants it to be. 

And it’s that inherent selfishness.. that makes Bradford the Cartoon Supervillian he desperatley claims he isn’t. Bradford dosen’t care how many lives it takes, how much worse it makes the world, or how many people he has to stab in the back... the world WILL be “normal”. Bradford cares for no one and nothing except his own ambition. He kills Heron despite her loyality, and his own clones who loyally served him.. simply because their chaos too. No one or nothing else matters, not how they feel, not their right to exist.. only HIS vision. If he wanted to keep the world safe he’d be more of a hero, if still throughly a bastard... but he dosen’t. He wants to make it “normal”. He wants the world the way he thinks it shoudl be and damn anyone else and perfectly represents all the old assholes like him today who refuse to accept something diffrent or against the norm because “that’s how it’s always been”.  Like those real world assholes.. Bradford is wrong. The Duckverse is beauitful how it is in it’s chaos and risk and love. And he just can’t see it because it’s not what he WANTS to see. 

And that’s why I also love the Sword giving him big, black and red classic villianous monster, slowly mutating him as he fights the duck family. Because that’s his inner strength: he may deny he’s a villian but he’s forcing his will on others, refuses to see the world as it is for selfish reasons, and is willing to kill his own friends and allies if it means getting it. He’s the bad guy. And while he denies it to those around him... it’s clear from the fact the sword is working for him that he KNOWS IT, he knows he’s a villian and this is just what he wants but is so up his own ass he can’t SAY it or admit it. And in the end he’s fully beaten by the fact that his forcing his will on everything’s what’s unnatural: While his plan was ingenious, have scrooge sign a contract agreeing never to adventure again, since he’s right Scrooge would solve nonexistance it’s the same reason “launch hulk into space” only resulted in a smarter, more skilled hulk coming back with a space army to get revenge. He just didn’t bank on the inherent rediclousness of the unvierse: family really is the greatest adventure of all.. and the papyrus accepted it. It was the one thing he coudln’t palnf or because he can’t see the woirld how it is.. and that’s why he lost. He was so confident how he saw the world and how he worked was the only way... another way beat him. 

His fate.. was also awesome and endleslly apporirate. Being mocked by the other villians who while less capable aside from Magica, at least admit what they are and what their doing.. and turned into a Vulture for Magica, left to be a mindless lackey in tons of chaotic schemes for the rest of his life. It couldn’t of happened to a nicer jackass. Okay three more sections to go. Let’s go.

Come Sail Away, Come Sail Away, Come Sail Away With Daissssyyyy

Donald’s leaving for a long, romantic adventure with Daisy is the perfect capper to Doanld’s character. Donald started the series hating adventure: blaming it for della being gone, his rough times during it, and wanted to escape it in the boat and keep from loosing his kids to it. He felt like a looser for not having reached his dreams or properly provided for his nephews, when really he did his best and still raised three wonderful kids. A bit overproective, god yes.. but despite his grief and anger he still got through ten years with them on his own merits, hard work and determination. 

As the series went he reconclied with his past, realized Scrooge lost something too and that blaming him soley when it was Della’s choice was just taking his anger out on the one person he had left to take it out on instead of embracing his only family left, accepted Storkules as his friend (JUST his friend), accepted adventure through quack pack realizing that while it may be weird, dangerous and sometimes stressful for him... it’s what his family love doing and they should be who they are instead of who he wants them to be, and finally.. accepted himself by finding Daisy, someone who loves him for who he is, and literally and metaphorically understands him and turned right back around from dumping him to save him from a giant monster she roared at. He’s finally at peace. 

And that’s why leaving. Not forever, He , Daisy, and his girls will be back in a few months or even a month. It’s very clear this is a vacation.. but it’s one  he’s earned.  He’ll always love his boys, his surrogate daughter/cousin, his sister, and his best buddy launchpad. But it’s okay for him to want to form his OWN family, to spend time with his future wife and show her the world. To make his own story for once instead of sharing it. To find his voice. 

I also find it very poetic that a story that started with Donald raising his nephews like their dad.. ends with him adopting two more children. Two kids whose lives had been misrable: rapidly aged in tubes, deemed failures, constantly bellittled by the closest things they have for parents, so desperate for answers they’d kidnap their own sister and betray her trust and do things they know are wrong, And all this.. for nothing as their  Dad kills their mom, bad as she was, and plans to kill them. And Donald’s first thought when given the chance to have a kid free time to himself, with no guilt having earned it? To take these girls in, start his own family, if Daisy’s cool with it mind he thankfully clearly called to talk this over first, and give them their own. Because that’s who Donald is, a good man whose finally earned his happy ending and the life he always wanted.. and accepted who he always was. An adventuerer, a loving fiance.. and  dad. 

The Real Hero: One last one before the bonus round and a quick one. The Launchpad Scene.. was one of the shows best. His arc in this episode of thinking he’s not a hero.. made sense. He’s been plenty heroic.. but his boyfriend is a martial arts and gymnastics savant and one of his three best friends has a giant suit of armor and is a genius. But the payoff made even more: He may not be the strongest, the most skilled or the smartest.. but he has the heart of a hero. He’s always been the kindest, most trusting, most friendly one of the main family, a guy who never gives up, even when he should, never surrenders and loves everybody. And that’s why he’s inspired so many people: Fenton to not give up after his firing and keep going, leading to his path as Gizmoduck. When Drake was lost, his fllm gone and his mentor seemingly dead (In fact skulking around the sewers like an evil ninja turtle), and his future unclear... TOLD HIM he could be Darkwing, that he could become the hero they both ihdolized and the inspiration to kids he wanted to be by his own bootstraps, and he gave Gosalyn faith in darkwing and hope at at time she had none. He also gave those mice their freedom. Not as poignant but you try creating the rescue rangers and see how far you get. I’ve lost a lot of chipmunks and mice that way. 

Launchpad’s last stand makes up for his lack of being in the season during the final  half. Launchpad realizing that despite his quirks he’s just as noble, valuable and wonderful as his families, both of them. And that he is a pilot. Sure he gets the gizmoduck armor.. but the armor isn’t what makes hi ma hero... i’ts being launchpad that makes him a hero. Loving adopted dad, wonderful partner, best friend... and a pilot

Bonus Round:

Okay this is just stray stuff from throughout the episode I didn’t have several paragraphs worth of material on before we get to the final thoughts. But it had so much good I can’t not talk about it. So...

Gyro calling Little Bulb BOYD’s brother. My heart wept. So sweet. As was him fixing his son at the end. BOYD has the two loving families he deserves.. and the brother he deserves.. and the brother he dosen’t deserve who will probably also is skulking around the sewers like an nafarious ninja turtle as the series ends. 

Gosalyn fixing up Darkwing’s outfit for him. Awwww. Adopt that child you coward. Also if they don’t base the reboot on frank’s work here, I will riot. 

“Just cough up the information Bentina!” that was just pure comedy gold especially the sheer fear radiating off him. Also right. 

Manny’s “I can explain” and , once he has silky smooth keith david voice going “Come on man I just want to live my life.” That man is a legend. 

Dewey and Louie just not talking the “you kids stay behind shit” pointing out both their stake in this and how they’ll just go anyway and him proudly accepting it. Given the kids turned the tied of things a lot, good call. 

Dewey and Don Karnage singing their own background music as they air joust. Hell yes. 

Pepper got a promotion! Goodf or her... it’s meaningless now but hey she has a partner in both senses. 

Speaking of pepper she had the best line of the episode “He’s a grown man who has the strength of a baby!”. Only Amy Sedaris could’ve given that delivery just the perfect way she did. 

The Funzo’s opening sequence was dynamite, from how well set up it was as an infilfration, to Webby having learned how to scam free drinks (Louie was so proud), to Lena cheating for her sister at DDR, to Scrooge paying full price.. it was wonderful> The payoff was also great as rather than be mad her special day was used as part of an elabroate spy operation.. she’s giddy. Because of course she is. Two specitic  bits that get their own items

The Cabs came back one last time! It dosen’t effect my now finished retrospective, but after spending all that time with them it was nice to see them for what will probably be the last time for some time. 

The whole scene where Della finds out about the trip. Just all of it. Her casually and accidentally choking daisy TWICE, Fethry, who sadly did not get an episode this season, being the one to blab about it and only realizing it .. after repeating that they told him not to, and Gladstone who not only was casually winning at Skeeball while his cousins both got pissed at it, relateable as hell, but then awkwardly escorting his baby cousin out of the situation. 

“Satstically with Hubert gone one of us should be pancking but WHO I ASK YOU WHO?” As if I needed more evidence they were perfect for each other. 

Lena just.. slumping over after Dewey finally has her drop the cloak. Comedy gold. BOYD scanning her later likewise so. 

The second best line and line read of the episode goes to Louie/Bobby Monihan. “That is not comforting, I do not want to die”. He couldn’t of summed up Louie in one line any better. 

Ludvwig was a national treasure.  Not only did I squeel internally when it turned out he was alive but the explination for it was hilarious as it was batshit, and him just causally revealing Webby’s origin was fucking amazing “Ill give you all a moment ot process” The acomplanying “bless me bagpipes” was also amazing. 

I do wish we found out where FOWL went but it was probably to leave the remains all free to come back as villians of the week. Frank outright said they had a tailspin sequel episode ready to go.

The Webby and June fight was a masterpiece and I REALLY need to do a top 12 fights list someday. 

Lena connecting with the new twins , having pretty much the same background of being created by a villian for shitty reasons. 

“one is silver and the other is “ “Flintheart glomgold!” they should consider a teamup. What’s a little brainwashing between friends?

“We’re sisters’. No you and violet are sisters, Webby is your girlfriend your both just in denial. I only say this because Webby also thinks Della and Penny are just friends and I feel she simply dosen’t know what being gay is or again is in denial. They’ll get there. Plus it feels like Lena just didn’t want to loose her and would say anything which is valid. 

Curtain Call and Final Thoughts:

The Curtain Call was the perfect way to end a spectacular finale. Each bit of it’s a masterpiece, and every character gets one last awesome, heartfelt and hilarous goodbye with the camera and ending how it should: on our five most important characters, in a circle, together, smiling, freefaling into the next adventure. I”d have it no other way and any other series finale credits and last moments will now pale in comparison. 

So the finale as a whole is messy, some bits aren’t resolved as good as they could’ve been, Huey go the shaft, and it REALLY needed another episode leading into it to help take the pressure off. While it needed 90 minutes for the plot it had to tell, it needed more to build up to that and while the season was tight with episodes they BADLY needed one more they didn’t get or even a subplto to help take the load off this episode. 

But even with that... it was an utterly awesome finale on par with other recent standouts like “Let’s Fight to the End”/ “Thank you For Watching the Show” (Both feel like finales to me but in diffrent ways), “The Future” and the whole arc leading up to it, both parts of “Heart” and “Nice While It Lasted” . It was heartstopping, heartrending and heartfelt and ended the show as it should be: with over the top insanity, big reveals, a hell of a final battle.. and a focus on family. It’s not the perfect finale, and I defintely need more ducktales.. but it’s still a classic one and one of the series finest hours.. literally in this case. 

I.. am going to miss this series. I went into it before but it’s thanks to this series I make a living. If you’d like to contribute to that, I have a patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, my next stretch goal is a darkwing duck epsiode a month so  kick in a buck won’t you? and take comissions so if theres an episode from the first two seasons that’s not part of the season 1 arc (I’m almost done there) or Lena’s story (already being paid for that) feel free to shoot me a line to comissoin it for five bucks an episode. 

But more than that it was an excellent well crafted show that took a franchise I love and updated it for a new generation. My nieces love it, I love it, and I will always love it for that. Young or old, this show as phenominal, it was stupdendous.. it was a duckblur. It will remain in my heart for probaly the rest of my life among such shows as Steven Universe, Parks and Recreation, The Venture Bros, Letterkenny, DBZ Abriged, and so many more that have touched my life. It was simply the best. And i’m going to miss it. Thank you for reading this, i’ll see you at another rainbow, if not one quite like this.

Next on this Blog: Duck week continues after this review took two days to complete. Sorry about that. Our heroes head to castle McDuck and Dewey is forced to face the consequences of his actions, while Scrooge yells at his dad , his dad yells at him and his mom is the most precious thing tha’ts ever lived. Also Launchpad in Donald Cosplay. And it won’t stop there as till saturday the rest of the week is all dedicated to Ducktales as I finish up the Della and Lena arcs for season 1 and get started on Lena’s last three episodes. So if you liked some ducktales, stick around. And once again.. thank you. 

[danurso]

That's pretty D.U.M.B

Part 0 - Part 1 - Part 2

After the explosion occurred, the room was filled with a light blue mist.

Ruby: *cough* *cough* what was that!?

Yang: i can't see anything! Can someone open *cough* *cough* the window!? 

Pyrrha: found it! *open window allowing the smoke to leave the classroom.

Jaune: what the hell was that?

Oobleck: no idea mr.arc *looking around the room, which is still intact, just filled with smoke* but apparently the explosion didn't damaged anything.

Weiss: *gets up, massaging her head* oww, tell that to my head. I said this was stupid, and apparently it didn't give any results.

Jaune: what the hell are you already whining about princess?

RWBY/Pyrrha: *freezes*

Ruby: jaune?

Jaune: *leaving the smoke, with a different armor on and a scar on his left eye* what do you want now reddish? I'm not in the mood to- *freezes and looks at weiss, walking her way and holding her face*

Weiss: *blushes* w-what are you-

Jaune: *with a shocked expression* what happened to your eye? What is this scar?

Weiss: *breaks free* what? Shouldn't we be asking you this? besides, don't ever touch me without my permission again!

Jaune: *confused* . . .what bite your rich ass today princess? *looks back at oobleck with a scowl* was it you with your crazy inventions again?

Oobleck: *confused* mr.arc? Is this really you?

Jaune: and who else could i be? Did you broke your glasses or all that coffee finally fucked up your brain?

Ruby: jaune. . .what happened to you?

Jaune: the hell are you talking about reddi-

Jaune: *normal jaune, leaving the smoke massaging his head* oww, was that thing supposed to throw me away like that?

Weiss: *leaving the smoke too, this weiss however doesn't have a scar and her ponytail isn't to the side like usual* *whining* oww, my head hurts.

RWBY/Pyrrha: *speechless*

Oobleck: IT WORKED!!!

Jaune: what work- *stops, staring at the other version of himself and to weiss before looking at the weiss on his side* w-wait, what? Why is there other me here!?

Alternative Weiss: *looking between the jaunes* *gasp* jaune! There's two of you!

(A)Jaune: *with crossed arms* don't tell me princess, i'm not fucking blind.

(A)Weiss: *taking a closer look at jaune, with a large smile and stars in her eyes* he's just like you! Just scraggly and without the scar!

(A)Jaune: i can see that.

(A)Weiss: *bolts to her normal version* look! This me has a scar just like yours! I look kinda cool with it.

(A)Jaune: two princesses, this probably the worst day of my life.

(A)Weiss: or the best one, imagine having two me's around.

(A)Jaune: *deadpans* it would be twice as annoying.

(A)Weiss: yeah, but you would get twice the affection. *gives him a sweet smile*

(A)Jaune: . . . *looks away with a pink on his cheeks* shut up, will you?

(A)Weiss: *grinning happily*

Yang: . . .okay, that's kinda disturbing. Why is that ice queen so nice and that vomit boy so mean?

Oobleck: it's simple miss xiao long, these versions of mister arc and miss schnee are from a world different from ours, and if you think about the infinite possibilities of the multiverse, there are probably many other versions of them besides those.

Jaune: w-wait, so he's me from another universe?

Oobleck: Precisely! The D.U.M.B worked perfectly! And thanks to it we can meet these alternative versions of you two.

(A)Jaune: what the hell are you talking about? And what is going on?

Oobleck: *ahem* i'm sorry for disturbing you two with this experiment, but this place is a dimension different from your original one.

(A)Jaune: . . .*raises eyebrow* did someone put vodka on your coffee or have you always been crazy like that?

Oobleck: i can assure you mister arc that i'm very sober and sane. *points at D.U.M.B* you see this device here? It's a dimensional and universal magical bridge, but you can call it D.U.M.B to shorten.

(A)Weiss: *snort* dumb.

(A)Jaune: *rolls his eyes* it had to be.

Oobleck: this is the device that allowed us to bring you two to our universe.

(A)Jaune: so let me get this straight, you used this weird machine to bring us here, a world different from ours.

(A)Weiss: that's so cool! it's just like that show rick and morty!

Weiss: what?

(A)Weiss: you don't have rick and morty here?

Ruby: we do! And it's such a cool show!

(A)Weiss: i know! It's one of my favorites!

(A)Weiss/Ruby: *start blabbering*

Weiss: this is. . .very disturbing.

Yang: i don't know, i kinda like nice weiss, she's just like you but probably doesn't have a log stuck up on her ass.

Weiss: who are you calling stuck up you idiot!?

(A)Jaune: i don't know which one is worse, the one who keeps shrieking all the time or the one who has way too much energy. *sighs, looking back to oobleck* when are we going back to our world?

Oobleck: you'll be back in a few moments mr. Arc, D.U.M.B has a time limit of half an hour. Meanwhile, i just wanted to know if you and ms.schnee could answer a few questions before going back to your world?

(A)Jaune: not interested.

(A)Weiss: sure thing!

Oobleck: Stupendous! So, i wanted to know if there's a glaring difference from your world compared to this one?

(A)Weiss: *looking around* hmm. . .no, everything looks the same.

Oobleck: *writing on a notebook* i see.

(A)Weiss: *looks to the group and raises an eyebrow* why is blake wearing a bow though?

Blake: *flinches and starts sweating*

Yang: she always wears that bow, even to sleep. Why? Your blake doesn't use a bow?

(A)Weiss: wait, so they don't know about. . .

Blake: *shakes head*

(A)Weiss: o-oh, *sheepishly* sorry.

Yang: wait, do you know something we don't?

(A)Weiss: err. . .no, nothing! Blake will tell everyone when she's ready.

Yang: what is she hiding? *looks at blake* now i'm curious.

Blake: n-nothing.

(A)Weiss: blake is really quiet here.

(A)Jaune: she's always been quiet.

(A)Weiss: i know, she just looks more quiet then our blake.

Ruby: so your blake is different too?

(A)Weiss: not really, she's just a bit more. . . 'Open' about herself. Everyone looks the same aside from her, well, except me and jaune of course.

Ruby: but why are you two so different? Why are you so nice compared to our weiss?

Weiss: hey! I am nice!

Yang: *cough, cough* like a punch in the gut *cough, cough*

(A)Weiss: well. . .i don't really know, i just try to be myself, that's what my dad always told me.

Weiss: wait, your dad told you to be yourself?

(A)Weiss: *smiling* yup!

Weiss: and not to be something you don't want to be?

(A)Weiss: what? No! daddy would never do that, he hates people who control their children for their own benefit.

Weiss: *shocked* . . .is your father really jacques schnee?

(A)Weiss: that's his name.

Weiss: . . .can you tell me more about your- our family?

(A)Weiss: sure! My mom is always helping my dad with his business at the emprise, my older sister winter is one of the biggest designers of atlas, my little brother whitley is studying most of the time to be a good business man like dad but he always takes some time to have fun with us, and even helps me by playing piano in my concerts, and dad is the head of the SDC, the biggest and most controversial emprise in remnant.

Weiss: controversial?

(A)Weiss: unfortunately, yes. People in atlas are selfish and try to maintain a certain 'status-quo', humans rule and faunus suffer, but my dad's emprise treats everyone the same and helps faunus that suffer to rise and have a good life, but unfortunately for us, the rest of atlas doesn't share his vision and treats him and my family terribly, this lack of respect with my family's name is one of the main reasons why i decided to be a huntress.

Blake: *eyes wide* w-wait, so in your world, jacques schnee isn't a racist?

(A)Weiss: what!? No! My father dreams with the peace between humans and faunus, he even made an alliance with the leader of the white fang, ghira bell- i mean, with their leader ghira to help them on their movement for equality, my father is their biggest supporter. Why are you asking that? Isn't dad like this here?

Weiss: no, our dad here unfortunately isn't so noble. He only cares for profits and hates faunus, probably just as much as he hates his family.

(A)Weiss: wait, what?

Weiss: he forced me to do everything he wanted ever since i was young, even used my voice to profit. My mom is a drunkard who never leaves her room, whitley is dad's puppet and is becoming just as rotten as he is and winter is a specialist at atlas military.

(A)Weiss: w-what!? dad can't be bad like that, i-it doesn't make sense.

Weiss: he is, i guess that's why you and me are so different, you had an way easier life.

(A)Weiss: wow, this sounds so sad. . .wait, does that means your version of jaune had an easier life too?

Everyone: *looks at jaune*

Jaune: err. . .yeah, i mean, my life was pretty easy if you don't count the annoying sisters and how my parents didn't wanted me to be a huntsman.

(A)Jaune: *raises eyebrow* your parents didn't wanted you to be a huntsman?

Jaune: not really, i tried to convince dad to train me when i was younger but he never let me, so i just had a normal life until my seventeen years.

(A)Jaune: lucky you, looks like you at least had a happy life.

Jaune: so. . .what happened in my life that made my like this?

(A)Jaune: i don't wanna talk about it.

Jaune: but-

(A)Jaune: *glaring at him* no buts, just zip it.

Jaune: *terrified* o-okay.

(A)Jaune: . . . *looks to the side* what do you want?

(A)Weiss: *holding his hand* come on, tell him.

(A)Jaune: i don't want to.

(A)Weiss: come on, pleeease.

(A)Jaune: i said no already.

(A)Weiss: *hugs his arm* pleeease. . .for me? *gives him a puppy look*

(A)Jaune:  . . . *sigh* i fucking hate you princess.

(A)Weiss: *with a victorious smile* no, you love me.

(A)Jaune: keep dreaming. well. . .where do i start, my mom died when i was five because of a disease and since then my asshole sperm-donor raised me, he trained me to be a champion and forced me into several tournaments to make me stronger, he locked me away from my sisters so i wouldn't have any distractions during my training, said training that pushed me to my absolute agonizing limits. When i was fourteen i had enough and fought him off, but he defeated me and gave me this scar as a reminder of how weak i am compared to him, then when i turned seventeen i joined beacon where i became partners with an annoying ball of unlimited joy.

(A)Weiss: that's me!

Yang: wow. . .that's really dark.

Jaune: is dad really that bad in your world? He was always so soft with everyone that is kind of hard imagining him like that.

(A)Jaune: take a wild guess dumbass. *points at the scar in his eye* what kind of good father would do this to his kid?

Jaune: yeah. . .guess you got a point.

Pyrrha: wait, did you say that weiss was your partner at beacon?

(A)Jaune: unfortunately, yes. This idiot who never even trained before and didn't even had aura had the great idea to buy some transcripts and join beacon, i didn't wanted her as my partner but since she was aimlessly flying into her death during initiation, i had to save her ass and become her partner.

Weiss: . . .by any chance, am i retarded on your dimension?

(A)Weiss: HEY!

(A)Jaune: probably. What kind of sane person would be stupid enough to do that?

Pyrrha: this story sounds. . .very familiar.

Jaune: *sheepishly* i-it does.

(A)Jaune: who did i got partnered with here?

Jaune: pyrrha.

(A)Jaune: lucky you, different from princess here, pyrrha knows her limits.

(A)Weiss: you talk like me being your partner is the worst thing in the world.

(A)Jaune: because it is. you're reckless, annoying, stupid, ignorant, selfish, suicidal and-

(A)Weiss: and you still love me regardless.

(A)Jaune: . . . *looks away* i don't know what you're talking about.

(A)Weiss: yes you do, im talking about this. *tiptoes and kisses his cheek*

(A)Jaune: *recoils and blushes* what the hell are you doing!?

(A)Weiss: i'm giving you a kiss. Why? you wanted it to be on the lips?

(A)Jaune: like hell i would want that, princess.

(A)Weiss: hmm. . .

(A)Jaune: what are you doing?

(A)Weiss: *tiptoeing, reaching out her lips for him* waiting for you to kiss me.

(A)Jaune: i don't want to kiss you.

(A)Weiss: hmm. . .

(A)Jaune: stop it already dumbass, you're just embarrassing yourself.

(A)Weiss: hmm. . .

(A)Jaune: *looks back to her*

(A)Weiss: *still waiting for him*

(A)Jaune: *pink* . . .i fucking hate you. *leans down and kisses her.*

(A)Weiss: *returning the kiss*

(A)Jaune: *wraps hands on her waist and pulls her closer*

(A)Weiss: *deepening the kiss*

Yang: well. . .that's a scene i never thought i would see.

Ruby/Blake: *nods*

Pyrrha: *nods as well but with an way more forced and scary smile*

Jaune: *blushing*

Weiss: *red and mortified* w-what are you two doing!?

(A)Weiss: *giggles* sorry, sometimes we get lost in the mood.

(A)Jaune: 'we'? You're the one always dragging me into this stuff.

(A)Weiss: i'm not the one who drags you away after a hard day just so we can make out on a empty classroom.

(A)Jaune: *red* can't you just stay shut for five seconds princess!?

(A)Weiss: *smiling brightly* nope.

Yang: wait, wait, wait, are you two like, dating?

(A)Jaune/(A)Weiss: no/yes.

Weiss: h-how is that possible!? What do you even see on this idiot!?

(A)Jaune: *glaring at her* i made my mind, you're the one i hate the most.

(A)Weiss: what's there not to see on him? I mean, yeah, he is always being mean to other peoples but thats cause he had a rough life, the real jaune buried under all that anger is really kind and sweet. He was the first person that believed that i could be a huntress, he teached me how to fight and picked me up whenever i thought about giving up. *hugs his arm* he was the first guy that loved me for who i am and that's why i love him so much. *looks at him* Right?

(A)Jaune: *looks away, face totally red* speak for yourself, i don't know what you're talking about.

Weiss: i can't believe you. . .how did that even happened!?

(A)Weiss: you mean how we got together? Well it was during the ball at beacon, neptune invited me to go but i refused.

Weiss: YOU WHAT!?

(A)Weiss: i refused. *pink* i was hoping that a certain someone would invite me.

(A)Jaune: hmph.

(A)Weiss: but well, things didn't went like i wanted and i went to the ball alone. I stayed there for some time but gave up and went to the rooftop to take a breather, that's where i found jaune.

(A)Jaune: yeah, i was enjoying the peace and the silence until you showed up.

(A)Weiss: *chuckles* He was being grumpy because he heard neptune inviting me and thought i had accepted.

(A)Jaune: i wasn't being grumpy because he invited you, i just hate that guy's guts.

(A)Weiss: we cleared some things up and i invited him to dance a bit, we danced on our own for some time and talked a bit, he complimented me for the first time ever since i met him and even admitted that i was someone important in his life *with a wide smile and rosy cheeks* i was so happy that i gave him my first kiss without even thinking about it.

Yang: aww, that's so cute.

(A)Jaune/Weiss: *red* SHUT IT!

Weiss: that's enough, we don't wanna hear anything else about this!

Yang: speak for yourself ice queen, keep going nice queen!

(A)Weiss: well. . .i was a bit scared at first but when he kissed me back i got a lot calmer,  we kept kissing for some time and things got. . .a bit out of control.

Blake: *very interested* what do you mean with 'out of control?'

(A)Weiss: *red* err. . .well, w-we got a bit carried away and kept kissing until we were back to our room, and when we got there we did. . .*ten times redder* couple stuff.

Weiss: wait, so you just went and slept with him like that!?

(A)Weiss: yeah. *sheepishly* i know someone's first time should be something we think about carefully, but on that day all i could think of was how happy i was that jaune was my first. *hugs his arm* and until this day, i never once regretted that decision. *smiles at him*

(A)Jaune: *red* t-that's enough! *turns to oobleck* how the hell do we go back to our world!?

Oobleck: all you need to do is place your hands on the D.U.M.B or wait for the thirty minute mark. But before you leave, i still have some que-

(A)Jaune: fuck your questions, we're leaving princess.

(A)Weiss: sure. Just give me a moment. *goes to weiss* can i talk to you for a second?

Weiss: what do you want to talk about!?

(A)Weiss: wait. *holds her and drags her to the farthest corner, away from the group*

Weiss: what do you want?

(A)Weiss: i just needed to know, are you and jaune dating?

Weiss: W-what!? No! And we never will!

(A)Weiss: i see, i think i understand now.

Weiss: good thing that you understand, now please leave.

(A)Weiss: you like him.

Weiss: *blushes* i don't like him! I hate him!

(A)Weiss: *chuckles* you're just like jaune when i first met him. He was closed, distant and very cold with everyone, and he said he hated me all the time, but that was just him trying to keep his guard up, trying to protect his damaged heart from even more damage.

Weiss: what are you talking about?

(A)Weiss: what i'm talking is that just like my jaune, you're putting up barriers and keeping people away to avoid getting hurt, but maybe you don't need these barriers to be up all the time, maybe all you need is to let in someone who can help you heal.

Weiss: let me guess, someone like arc.

(A)Weiss: maybe. I'm dating jaune for awhile now and despite he still being much like his older self, i can't see myself being more happy with anyone else that isn't him. I know i might be biased but seeing that the only difference between us is that our roles were inverted, i think you wouldn't regret being with someone like jaune. Just think about it, didn't you ever noticed anything that jaune may have done just to see you happy?

Weiss: well. . . *gets a small flashback about the ball and neptune telling her everything jaune said*

(A)Weiss: sooo?

Weiss: i-i don't know, nothing comes to my mind. And look, i don't care what your reasoning is, i am not going to date arc.

(A)Weiss: well, i can't force you to do anything really, but if you can, just give him a chance *with a sincere smile* i know you won't regret.

Weiss: *sighs, rubbing her temples* if i tell you i'll think about it, will you go away?

(A)Weiss: sure thing!

Weiss: then i'll think about it, just please leave me alone.

(A)Weiss: okay, see'ya then me! *goes back to the group, joining jaune and hugging his chest* missed me?

(A)Jaune: no.

(A)Weiss: i missed you too my archangel.

(A)Jaune: *pink* didn't i told you to stop using this stupid nickname?

(A)Weiss: *chuckles* oops, sorry.

(A)Jaune: *sigh* let's just leave for god's sake. *places hand on the D.U.M.B*

(A)Weiss: *also places her hand on the D.U.M.B*

They both slowly start to get surrounded by a light blue aura, just like when jaune and weiss first used it.

(A)Weiss: bye everyone, It was really nice to meet you.

Yang: same, it was really good to see how weiss would be if she wasn't always on her period.

Weiss: YANG!!!

(A)Weiss: and weiss!

Weiss: *looks back at her* what?

(A)Weiss: just one chance, i promise you won't regret.

Weiss: i already said i'll think about it, i'm not going to make any promises.

(A)Weiss: that's already good enough, bye me!

Weiss: goodbye.

(A)Jaune/(A)Weiss: *vanishes*

Blake: well. . .that was something.

Jaune: i-it really was.

Ruby: weiss?

Weiss: yes?

Ruby: what did you and the other you talked about?

Weiss: well. . . *glances at jaune for a moment before looking away slightly* i-it was nothing okay? just something stupid.

Ruby: oh, okay.

Pyrrha: so, what do we do now professor?

Oobleck: we continue with the experiment of course! Meeting these alternative versions of mr.arc and ms.schnee was interesting but there are a lot of questions that need answers!

Weiss: i-i'm not going to use that machine again!

Oobleck: you wouldn't be able to use it even if you wanted ms.schnee. The D.U.M.B can't be used by the same person twice in a row, that rule goes for everyone except mr.arc of course!

Jaune: okay, but why does this machine needs me so much to work? You said i'm some kind of axis but why-

Oobleck: I DON'T KNOW AND AT THE MOMENT I DON'T CARE MR.ARC!!! RIGHT NOW THERE'S ONLY ONE QUESTION YOU SHOULD BE ASKING!!!

Jaune: a-and it is?

Oobleck: *grins and looks at the girls* which one of you is going next!?

[loveafterthefact]

Love After the Fact Chapter 67: Home

Keith returns to his first home, and brings Lance to meet his father. But first, a tiny bit of fluff to soften(?) the blow

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode includes the themes of loss and grief, which be distressing to some readers. Please take care of yourselves <3<3<3

First  Previous  Next

Keith’s home is simple, four domes, one visibly newer than the others, and one with a new roof. The stove and fireplace have also been redone quite recently. There's also a little garden plot now, overgrown with unkempt flowering plants, lovely in its little patch of wilderness.

“Ah, Mom added a washroom. Thank fuck. Lake’s cold as shit for a bath… It was nice of her to fix the place up. I’d always assumed I’d come back out here when I finished my service.”

“I never really thought about your aspirations had you stayed,” Lance ponders.

“Mnh. Nothing special. Do my time in the military, maybe find a mate, come back here for a while, then travel the stars. Try to find Earth, where my name comes from. But I’m doing something different, and that’s okay.”

“Is it?”

“Being mated to you, raising our kits, and looking after the Altean Empire? It’s not what I imagined, but I like it well enough. I’m happy.” And, because Lance doesn’t quite look convinced, “Really, Lance. Our life together makes me happy. Come on. I’ll show you around. We’ll unpack, and then we can swim in the lake, and you can see the waterfall.”

Lance watches Keith carefully, unsure of how he’ll react now that he’s home. They carry their things inside, watching the breeze roll red earth over the red stone floor. The main room is simple: a small fireplace with a narrow chimney, a knotted rug, a pair of chairs, a stool. Draped over the newer-looking of the two chairs -the other looks rather weathered- is a thin, threadbare cloth blanket, sun-bleached red. Keith smiles, picking it up.

“This was my blanket when I was kit. I couldn’t sleep without it. I left it here when I went with Shiro. I thought it might get taken away… I wonder if we could use it for something.”

“What, like for a baby?” At Keith’s nod, Lance continues. “It looks pretty thin, but maybe Pidge could do something with it. They act callous about it, but they actually really like kids, and not as science experiments. Not exclusively, anyway. It’s cute that you’re thinking about that stuff already.”

“It’s not like we’ll have a lot of time to devote to that stuff once we get home. We’ve delegated pretty much all of our duties for now, but that won’t last long. I have to think about while I have time.”

“Well don’t think about it alone. I’m right here. I already told you: I’m not going to be like the ol’ sperm donor back home.”

“Ugh.” Keith rolls his eyes, turning to open the cellar by the table. “I don’t want to look, think, or hear about your sperm donor ever again. He will never be left alone with our kits.”

“Good idea. Given the chance, he’ll gift them weapons and tell them they’ll take a life before they’re twenty.” Lance sighs. “You are going to let him see our kits, right?”

“Of course! He’s their grandfather! If he wants to see them, and can behave himself, then I want him to. Under supervision. My mother on the other hand…” Keith frowns, stands, brushes earth from his clothes.

“What?”

“Nevermind. Just more family drama. We have enough already.” Keith huffs. “Come on. I want to go swimming.”

“Can’t say no to that!” Lance chirps, skipping after his spouse. He doesn’t believe it’s ‘just family drama’ at all, but he’ll let Keith tell him in his own time. Just like he'll let the young man stall doing what he actually wants to do.

So instead of pressing his stressed spouse, Lance serves to distract him, swimming with him, basking in the waning sun, shoving his head under the water, getting into splash fights, and not acting at all like the prince he is. Which is fine, because they’re alone, and this is a very short respite before their lives get even more complicated. Taking time to 'mess around' in a small alcove behind a waterfall doesn’t hurt either.

Later, settling back against the rock face to watch Keith float in lazy circles, he finds himself wishing, for the very first time in his life, that he weren’t who he is, and for only the millionth time that he could make every last one of Keith’s days exactly like this one.

Keith swam up to the ledge Lance was sitting on, fitting in between his legs. “You okay?”

“Mhm. Just watching.”

“Ah. See anything you like?” Keith rests his cheek against the inside of Lance’s leg.

“Many things… You’re being very cute.”

“Still riding the high of being mated to you. It’ll wear off in a few quintants.” Keith kisses the bare skin at the inside of his thigh, smirking when Lance jolts.

“Just in time for your season. Brat.”

“Yeah. I can’t seem to catch a break, can I?”

“You know we can change that if you want. And I’ll make it as easy for you as I can.” Lance’s stomach growls audibly, making Keith laugh, nuzzling against Lance’s leg, more sweet than sexy. They’ve been apart, physically, most of the day. He could probably do with some physical affection. The platonic kind.

Lance has caught on to just how important that contact is to Galra. When not working or in uniform, they’re a comparatively clingy species.

“Hungry?” Keith teases when Lance’s stomach growls again.

“I’ve been hungry since before we even got here!” Lance laughs, brushing dripping clumps of hair out of Keith’s face.

“You could have said something. We could have eaten already.”

“Yeah, well. I had better things to do. Like watching my husband have some fun for once.”

“Oh, come on, I have lots of-” Keith frowns. “You never call me your husband. Not unless you have to.”

“Yes, well.” Lance gazes at his husband, eyes soft. “It never really felt like you were. And you think gendering everything is stupid, so…”

“It’s fine.” Keith swims around, hauling himself up to sit beside his mate, cuddling up against his side, tail serving as an extra limb to hold him close. “I mean, if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather call you my mate than anything else. That’s what actually means something to me. That's the word I choose for my life partner. And you should call me whatever means something to you. Whatever that is. Even if that’s just ‘my contracted roommate’.”

Lance laughs. “That’s… incredibly sweet. Sweeter than I expected, honestly.”

“What were you expecting?”

“I’m not sure. Perhaps a lecture on the arbitrary constructs of sex and gender?”

“Tempting.” Keith laces their hands together, nuzzling against his pointed ear. He takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly. “But I have something I need to do. I've stalled long enough. Will you come with me?”

“Of course.” If Keith doesn't want to go alone, Lance won't allow him to.

After grabbing a small bag from the den, Keith leads him through the last varga of light before sunset, weaving through trees like he still knows every root beneath his bare feet. BleepBloop eventually finds and joins them on their walk, presumably well-rested after sleeping the entire way there. The small primate remains mostly in the trees, leaping through the branches above, chittering and screeching at Keith to join him.

“We used to use the trees when we were out here,” Keith explains. “It tended to be safer than the ground. And most Alteans don’t tend to look up.”

“They really don’t. To be fair, it's unusual for fully-grown Galra to be hiding in trees. They don't exactly blend in.” The two laugh.

It fades quickly, when they stop at the edge of a ravine, Keith looking down. Without a word, t he Galra begins slipping down the side of the ravine, toward the water at the bottom. He moves with sure, practiced grace, aided further by familiarity with his surroundings, hyper aware of any changes. Lance is not so fortunate, slipping and sliding down the narrow ledges.

At one point, he loses his balance, falling back with a gasp. Fortunately, Keith manages to grab his arm, keeping him from falling to creek twenty dashes below. “You alright?”

“Fine. Just… struggling.” Lance does his best time hide how shaken he is. He can't imagine tiny, undersized Little Keith making this descent.

“Watch my feet. Put yours exactly where I put mine.”

With Keith moving slower, he’s more able to move safely down the side of the ravine. “This is much better. Thank you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t think about it before.” Keith settles his feet into the sandy bottom. “I’ll help you back up… We should have done this earlier. It’ll be dark pretty soon.”

“You weren't ready, earlier. Don't worry. I can make light for us if need be.”

Keith’s not really listening, Lance can tell. Tail swaying, ears pricked, the Galra stares at a pile of rocks, roughly the length of a grown, male Galra, and about two dashes high.

“Is that-”

“Yeah. I was only six, so I couldn’t exactly move him. The rocks kept scavengers off of him. It’s how we’d protect kills if we weren’t ready to clean them.” Keith wades through the shallow creek, ears drooped. “Some of his smaller bones have probably washed away. The rest will too, sooner or later.”

“I’m sorry, beloved.”

“It’s fine. He’d be okay with that. My dad… He loved it out here, feeling like a part of something natural, something alive and thriving, all while minding its own business. This is where he belonged. Becoming a part of it is what he would have wanted anyway. It was me that wasn’t ready.”

Lance has never really thought before about life without his parents. Sure, he’s never had his mother, but he’s grown up with two fathers. Even before Alfor officially remarried when Lance was seven, Coran was his parent. Lance has only ever called him ‘daddy’, and later ‘dad’.

Thinking about it now, Lance can’t imagine losing either of them. Sure, he doesn’t typically get along with Alfor, but Alfor is his father, and the king. He’s an extremely important figure in Lance’s life. And Coran…

Coran, with his permissive attitude and his terrible advice and weird anecdotes and random facts and always being there to soften the blow when Lance screws up- Losing either of them would be devastating. It’s a terrible thing to think about, and it’s Keith’s reality.

So when Keith says he wasn’t ready to let go, Lance says, “I wouldn’t be, either. I don’t know that I ever could be.”

But he'd be ready to be Akira in a heartbeat.

Keith doesn’t respond, very quiet as he finds a bit of dry sand. He pulls a clay bowl, the inside caked in ash, from his bag, pours in the rest of the bag’s contents. A feather. A few different stones. A glass bottle filled with several layers of different colored sediments, which he opens and pours into the bowl. Herbs. Another, smaller bottle of a fragrant oil, which is also poured out.

From his belt, Keith removes a pair of stones, striking them together until he creates a spark. Sitting cross-legged in the wet sand, Keith stares at the low-burning flames. He only has until the flames die before Akira's spirit is finally sent on. Krolia got to convene, and now it's his turn. After this, the gods will take his father away, and nothing but bones will be left.

It's part of the reason he was stalling. This is a final goodbye, and that's always a hard thing.

“Hi, Dad. I kept my promise. I’ve come home…” Keith sighs, looking up at the sky as his eyes immediately start to sting. Lance sits right behind him, rests his cheek on Keith’s shoulder. “But, uh… It’s not really home anymore. I’ve been gone a long time, and- I think it’s okay, don’t you? It’s okay for this to be my sometimes home instead Home home, right? I mean- Fuck, I’m bad at this.”

Lance’s arm curls around his waist from behind, gentle and comforting, just enough for him to know he’s there. “Just talk, beloved. That’s all you have to do.”

“What I’m saying is… You did it. You protected me, and- I survived, because of you. And now, I get to live.” Keith rubs tears into his fur, sniffling. He still really, really misses his dad. Every day, he feels that empty space where Akira used to be. “I have a new home, and a good mate, and we’ll have kits, and a good life, and I hate that you had to die to give me that -

"And it's fine. Everything will be fine. I'll rule Altea with Lance, and help Lotor honor your wishes for Daibazaal, and I'll be a good uncle for his kits, and I'll be a good father, and I'll help keep the peace and you don't have to worry, okay? I'll be just fine. Better than fine, even.

“And that's fine. Really! I just- I just wish you were here. More than anything, I wish you were still here. I miss you so much..." Keith practically falls against Lance, still heartborken. "There are so many things I'll never get to see. I'll never get to see you and Mom together. I'll never get to see you with Lance, or our kits. I'll never get to see you proud of me, and everything that I'm working for. And I know that you are, but I’ll never get to hear you say it and it sucks.”

Keith takes a deep breath. The offering flame is already fading, and with it, his time to convene. “I’m sorry you died, but I’m glad that I’m still here, and I’m grateful to you for that.” The last of the flames gutter out. “I love you and I miss you, Dad. And I’ll see you again. I'll tell you everything you missed.”

They’re left in the dark, Lance wrapping around him, holding him tight.

“Do you- Was it good enough?” Keith croaks, rubbing at his eyes.

“It was perfect, baby. It’s not a speech. It sounded just like you, and that’s good.”

“He was my whole world,” Keith whispers, clutching BleepBloop as the concerned primate climbs into his lap. “And then he was gone.”

“I know, beloved. I know.” Lance rocks them gently. “Are you ready to go back?”

“Can we- Can we stay here for a little bit? Please?”

“However long you want.”

Lance lifts his hands, forming a few tiny werelights to hover above them, pale, gentle light to keep the dark at bay. It’s a good change from being trapped alone in the dark, just Keith and BleepBloop. Now, there’s him, his mate, his pet, and the imprint of his father’s life and legacy. Beyond this little circle, there’s friends and family. A purpose. A home. A future.

A good life, all because of the thing that he lost.

That one, precious, irreplaceable thing.

[raccoon-wizard]

Two and Half Assholes

An entire one person (shout out to @jumpfiend) expressed their wish for me to write an angry essay about the long dead show Two and Half Men (2003-2015) and all the problems it has. Allow me to start by saying that I am by no means a professional critic and I have never really written an in-depth review of anything. But I have a lot of feelings that I need to get out about this shitshow, otherwise my head is gonna explode next time my father insists on watching it.

Just a warning, this is a very long post.

What is Two and Half Men about?

If I tried to write my own summary here, I would probably end up tearing it to shreds already. Instead, I’m going to borrow the annotation from IMDB.com: “A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beachfront house.”

That doesn’t really say much, does it now. Luckily, the same site also provides us with a wide range of plot (hahahah “plot”) summaries written by users. This one tells us a little more: “The Harper brothers Charlie and Alan are almost opposites but form a great team. They have little in common except their dislike for their mundane, maternally cold and domineering mother, Evelyn. Alan, a compulsively neat chiropractor and control-freak, is thrown out by his manipulative wife Judith who nevertheless gets him to pay for everything and do most jobs in the house. Charlie is a freelance jingle composer and irresistible Casanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon. Charlie "temporarily" allows Alan and his son Jake, a food-obsessed, lazy kid who shuttles between his parents, to move in with them after Alan's separation/divorce. The sitcom revolves around their conflicting lifestyles, raising Jake (who has the efficient, caring dad while having a ball with his fun-loving sugar uncle who teaches him boyish things), and bantering with Evelyn and various other friends and family. Other fairly regular characters include Charlie's cleaning lady Berta and his rich, self-confessed stalker neighbor Rose who often sneaks in to spy on Charlie.”

Now that’s much better. It gives us quite a decent picture of the show’s ensemble. At least for the starter episodes, this is pretty much what it is. But as the show progresses, we see that the characters have a little bit more depth to them. But not that much. 

Let’s start with Charlie Harper, the “freelance jingle composer and irresistible Casanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon” portrayed by Charlie Sheen. (Is that man still a thing?) I think we can get a lot by taking apart this brief description of him. Freelance jingle composer pretty much means that he has a grand piano in his house and we can occasionally see him playing it while trying to put together words for a commercial for some random product. And that’s it. He has a few other musician friends who are just as big of assholes as he is, but we’ll get to that later. Other than that, we don’t really see him working at all. I think there is one episode about him writing kids’ songs because his girlfriend’s kid likes them. And one about him getting an award?? I don’t know man. The second part of that statement is a much more prominent “personality” trait of Charlie’s. In nearly every episode, we see him “dating” (meaning shagging and then dumping) another woman. I have mentioned in my initial post that this show is misogynistic. Don’t worry, I will also get into that later. For now I’m going to say that Charlie treats all these women absolutely disgustingly and we’re supposed to laugh at that. On the rare occasions we see him in a long term relationship (which happens twice I think? I’m not sure now), we get the stereotypical ball and chain bullshit. The woman takes all his freedom and tries to make him better. While I hate that trope with burning passion, I have to admit that in this case, she does have a solid point. Charlie is a pathetic excuse of a man who has to count on his good looks (questionable) and his riches. By the way, where did he even get them? Does composing jingles really make that much money? Is he that good of a gambler? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen another episode addressing the fact that the answer to both of these questions is no. Where the hell did this luxurious beach-house come from??? So many questions about a show that deserves so little.

Surprisingly, Charlie is the better one out of the two brothers. At the start, we really do feel sorry for Alan. His wife (who is a HORRIBLE person by the way) kicks him out and manipulates him into still paying for everything and doing many things for her around the house. Who wouldn’t feel bad for someone like this? He moves in with Charlie “for the time being”. Soon, we realise that he is not leaving the house anytime soon. He becomes a disgusting leech, a truly pathetic excuse of a man. And he doesn’t even bother hiding it. I’m not sure if we’re supposed to feel sorry for him or laugh at him, but either case doesn’t really work if you spend at least ten seconds thinking about it. How are we supposed to sympathise with a man that lives off of others and barely lifts a finger to change it? The worst part is, the show presents it as something completely normal. We don’t really see Alan’s actions turning against him, do we? Most of the time, whatever shit he does, works just fine for him. 

Another prominent character is Alan’s son, Jake, who grows up throughout the series. A fat little boy, not exactly bright. A spoiled brat (if it’s the fault of Alan or Judith is questionable) that has everything handed to him, as Charlie points out in one episode. It’s another bad personality trait that we’re supposed to find funny. And at first, we kind of do. But once again, as the show progresses, it gets worse. Jake becomes the oldest kid in his class because he fails so many times. He only gets to start middle school because “he’s too big for the desks in his class now”. A bit of a watered down Dudley Dursley now that I think about it. It feels that the older Jake gets, the dumber he is. He eventually joins the military because he is too daft to realise. (If I remember correctly, that was done only so Jake’s actor could leave the show because he pretty much realised how bad it was.)

The main reason why I hate this show so much, however, is its way of handling female characters. There’s a few prominent ones - the aforementioned Judith, Alan’s ex wife, a cold hearted manipulative bitch, that also follows the trope of “I’m breaking up with you because I’m a lesbian” for a while, but then it’s never addressed again, not even once. Then we have Alan and Charlie’s mother, Evelyn, also a cold hearted bitch lacking any motherly instincts whatsoever that the men blame for how they turned out. Honestly, I can kind of see it. There’s Rose, Charlie’s neighbour whom he had slept with once and who’s been obsessed with him ever since, following him pretty much wherever he goes and inappropriately visiting him, usually in order to chase any woman that gets close to him away. We have Berta, Charlie’s housekeeper that I would like to believe is there to show the differences between different classes, as she has a large family to take care of, fending of her daughters’ admirers and dealing with drug and alcohol issues. But at this point we all know she’s only there so we can laugh at her struggles and the witty remarks she likes to make. 

A special category of women in this show are the lovers and girlfriends. All of them end up either leaving the men for someone better (good for them tbh), or getting left by them. But remember, we’re supposed to always be siding with the men. The women are there for us to laugh at and hate. Rose the stalker? The only reason Charlie never gets rid of her is so we can laugh as she appears unexpected on his balcony over and over again. Are her apparent mental health issues ever addressed? Maybe once, but as a joke. You know, the classic ha ha ha ha look an insane person that’s hilarious. Judith the ex wife and her flock of weird friends (that Charlie converts)? Look, evil wives hating men, ha ha ha ha. Better run away from there, men, or they’ll eat you alive! Ha ha ha ha. Judith wanting support from friends and claiming she deserves to be happy is played off as something we scoff at. Chelsea, Charlie’s girlfriend and fiancée? The ball and chain thing, similarly to Judith, but not nearly as manipulative - this one we can see really means well and wants to help Charlie, but he’s a Man™ and cannot handle that, despite claiming to love her very dearly. Lindsay, Alan’s on again, off again girlfriend? Oof. Where to even start with that one. As most of the characters (save for maybe Judith), she starts off decent, despite her inexplicable desire for Alan. (Seriously though what in the world is up with that.) Also, now that I mentioned Alan’s weird sex appeal (not to me but to the female characters of the show, ew), what the hell was up with Judith wanting to suddenly fuck him again and HIM ENDING UP BEING THE FATHER OF HER DAUGHTER???? Was that the point when the writers just said “you know what, fuck this” or?

Some additional things the men on the show did to women:

Infidelity. Aka “ha ha ha many women want man what a lucky bastard he gets to fuck many women ha ha ha oh no he’s been caught ha ha ha funny”.

Infidelity with their friends/family members. I’m pretty sure this happened multiple times. One of the male protagonists gets a girlfriend. Girlfriend has an attractive daughter. Man sleeps with daughter. Girlfriend is mad. Man claims that it is actually a compliment to her because the daughter is just a younger version of her. Man gets upset when girlfriend disagrees. Poor man, girlfriend mean :(((

Another thing I would like to point out is the show’s dumbass approach to sexuality and gender. It’s the age old, straight men bullshit that lesbians = hot, gay men = ew. We see that throughout the whole thing a bunch of times. Alan ends up marrying Walden (whom I will talk about as well) so they can scam an adoption agency. That’s just wrong, man. That’s awful. And regarding gender, the way this shitshow handles trans people is disgusting. I can currently only think of one instance of this, but I have a feeling it happened multiple times, but with Charlie and Alan. They meet a woman, flirt, sleep together, all fun and games. But for some god forsaken reason, after all is done, the woman decides to be like “yeah by the way I used to be a dude” and?? Why?? First of, why would any trans person want to tell anyone their deadname and other things after successfully transitioning? I’m a cis woman, but this really makes no sense to me. Please correct me if I’m wrong on this one, but if you’ve spent years trying to pass as whatever gender you identify with, transitioned, you wouldn’t exactly go around sleeping with people and afterwards telling them about it, would you? And second of all, the entire reason why these characters appear are so we can be like “eww he slept with someone who used to have a penis eww” and laugh as they have a small crisis because of it. Just. Why?? I am aware that this is a thing other shows do/have done as well, but it really bothers me. And even when the guy decides to roll with it, all we get are those jokes that the woman is “more manly” than him. I remember vividly Alan hooking up with a trans lady and briefly dating her, only so we can see her pick a fight with a man, pay for their food and shit and Alan being flustered because he feels like less of a man. Again, please correct me if I’m wrong since my knowledge of gender is limited, but I’m about 97 % sure this is not how it works.

One would have thought that most of this would end after Charlie’s death. His place is taken by Walden Schmidt, portrayed by the angel that is Ashton Kutcher, a “billionaire internet entrepreneur who has recently been divorced and is now suicidal” (wiki). Before I dig in to how it actually got worse, let’s talk about Walden for a while. He really is a nice change. Walden is a genuinely good character, we see him working super hard and treating women well and just being great. I actually like him. The problem the show has when it comes to him is treating his suicidal-ness as just another little joke. Ha ha ha man wants to die man weak. Funny. But as we get over this part (rather quickly tbh), things involving Walden get actually good (besides the part where he sleeps with Alan’s mother). We do see some annoyingly familiar divorce related things, but in contrast to Alan, we see Walden actually get back on his own two feet. 

Alan will forever be my biggest issue with this show. I don’t know if he gets worse or if it’s just the contrast with Walden that makes it seem that way, but he becomes a bigger and bigger parasite, exploiting Walden’s kindness, becoming a lover to his, at that point, former girlfriend Lindsay and somehow exploiting her current boyfriend? He just goes haywire is what I’m trying to say.

I’m not saying that people like that don’t exist. We see it every day, the rich playboys, the pathetic incels. They are everywhere and we totally should talk about them. But not like this. We shouldn’t feel like we should sympathise with them, we shouldn’t hate those that try to criticise them, or those who want to get rid of them. We shouldn’t laugh when they hurt people around them. Men shouldn’t want to relate to them. Characters like this should be presented as something we should avoid becoming.

“What’s your problem? It’s just something I watch to unwind,” my father scoffs at me as I complain about yet another evening we all have to spend listening to the nonsense Two and Half Men brings us. Yea, maybe for you. Maybe you know better than to treat people around you, especially women, like they’re just something you can play around with and then throw into the sewers. Maybe you give everyone equal respect. (No he doesn’t, by the way.) But you know, with the way this TV channel plays this show over and over and over and over again (five episodes a day, every day, and the second they get to the end, they just start over), there’s probably a number of young people who don’t realise how wrong it is and take what’s said there as something to live by. Maybe they’ll think that it’s okay to use people to their advantage. Maybe they’ll think like a rich entitled middle aged straight white man. That’s my problem. Even though the show ended five years ago, it still lives on our televisions and it still gives us wrong examples on how to live our lives. That’s why I hate the show. Not just the awful writing and “plot” holes. It’s the way it treats people and presents it as something that’s totally fine. 

[goliath-de-senfina-sango]

Local Teens Break Into Highschool and Fight Slime Monster, Self Esteem Issues Galore, Worried Parents Scold Stubborn Hacker, Strange Tech Geek Has Epiphany

Flying with their hoverboards to the school was both insanely fun and much easier than Danny expected - once Sam and Tucker were drilled on how to fly them properly.   They landed on the roof, Danny slid them all into that space between spaces where the real was illusion and the unseeable was reality and they sank down into the school easily.  Slowing their descent with a tug on the dark strings of gravity, Danny dropped everyone back into their natural solid state and waited for Sam and Tucker to take a deep breath. "I'm wondering if I even need to breathe cause I didn't have a problem with air passing through my whole body instead of in and out of my lungs."

"Speculation later," Sam said with a hand over Danny's mouth.  "Let's go, alright? We need to find the security office, which should be this way."  The goth lead the group and Tucker pulled out the USB with the data they needed on it.

"Why do you know where that is, Sam?"

"C'mon, Tucker, you do after school stuff in theater, you know how boring it is to wait for clubs to start.  I just wandered around a bunch cause it's healthier than idling with some game."

"So you walked while playing a game?"

"Oh shut up," Sam rolled her eyes, nudging Tucker with her elbow.   Once they got to the security room door, Sam reached for her pocket before pausing and turning to Danny.   "I brought my lock pick for nothing when you can just walk us through the door."

"Why do you know how to pick locks?"  Danny examined the door and pressed his hand on it.  He could see the strings that wove together to make it, vibrations slow compared to the ones in the air.  Curious, Danny plucked one of the threads and watched as the door became as solid as air. Tucker and Sam walked right through but Danny could see the door settle back into its proper state after just a moment. Danny slid into that breathless darkness beyond the door entirely and walked into the room, dropping into corporeality's warmth to see Tucker's PDA jacked into the main computer and pulling up the details on the Fenton tech installed.

Tucker's foot was tapping as he examined the layout of the security system and frowned.  His fingers flew over the keyboard and the deeper he delved the less he liked. "Alright good news: I can get it done.  Bad news: gotta shut down the entire system for a whole five minutes to do it, and that's a pretty long time for it to be down in case something attacks us now."

"What are the odds of something attacking us right now, Tucker?"  The geek arched a disbelieving eye brow at Sam, who shrugged with a sigh.  "Point taken. How about this? I stay here with you and Danny patrols the halls for a ghost attacking?  He can sense them, so it shouldn't be a problem."

"Great as a point as that is, if I just close my eyes I can look around for a ghost right from here.  Do it Tuck, I'll know if anything comes for us." Tucker nodded and got to work on his update of the system, inserting the USB after a frustrating fumble with it.  Danny closed his eyes and looked around with more than his limited human senses. Electrical currents ran all over the school to keep the Air Conditioning running right, or as right as a high school could get it, and the power stored in the lasers hidden all over the school lit up like tiny lamps in the shadows surrounding them.  But then the computer went dark and Danny felt a tug in the back of his head, pulling him toward an empty spot in the world.

There, off to the side, Danny could see a gap, a void where the snapping threads of electricity and heat should've been.  He let that tingling emptiness build up in his center and spread outward, until it blanketed every atom of his being and the faint and distant chorus of Starsong echoed in the back of his mind.   "We've got company. I'll go and chat, see if we can get through a ghost encounter without fighting first."

"First time for everything Danny," Sam encouraged - or at least he thought she was trying to encourage him - and Danny followed a current he guided to the source of that blank spot, where light and heat and power collapsed inward.  When he got closer, Danny saw what looked to be an office and a few framed pictures of depressed teens with an overly perky ginger woman. He didn't have time to linger on that, though, because a green blob with arms and bright red eyes was staring at him.   Danny waved with a smile.

"Hi there."  The creature turned to stare at Danny and for a long moment, nothing happened.   Then a maw of razor sharp teeth was bared his way and a guttural, bestial snarl hit his ears and Danny had to move as fast as he could.  A clawed hand slashed at his side and Danny sucked in a hissed cry as the jumpsuit gave and his nicked skin was exposed. "Well fuck you too then."

Raising the wrist ray Danny caught the thing in the shoulder with a shot before it rolled out of the way and punched him in the gut, waves of pain spreading out as the fucking stretchy arm pulled back.   Grabbing onto that rubbery green goo, Danny jabbed at the creature's center when he was yanked close enough. Unfortunately it opened up a hole in itself and Danny's fist sailed through that hole harmlessly.  His arm was trapped in goop and the blob roared in his face, encompassing Danny's body and lunging into a wall, slamming Danny against it and ringing his head like a gong.

While Danny tried to get his bearings within the slime monster he felt it turn and something inside of him rang out in horror.   He looked, past the monster and walls, and saw it looking in Sam and Tucker's direction. A bubbling fury boiled in Danny's chest when the blob started moving toward them, and the ghost boy reached inside of himself past the shows and whispering dark void, reaching for the light that filled the shadows and pulled it into himself and let it build and build up until every inch of his body shone like a star.  Bright green and silver light poured out of Danny from every molecule of his body, sending the goo monster in every direction to splatter on the floor, walls, and ceiling.

Danny hovered there for a moment, taking deep superfluous breaths and pulling the strands of crackling pale light to his fingertips.  Silver gave way to green and shined through his glove and Danny stared at it in awe. "Holy shit!" A fist collided with his face, knocking Danny into a chair.   He groaned and raised a hand, cold light gathering until it burned brighter than a torch and flew from his palm to turn a chunk of the monster's arm into green vapor.  "Back the fuck off flubber, I'm packing heat!"

Blank red eyes narrowed at him and Danny rose to his feet with his fists in front of his face, glowing green with wisps of white at the edges like smoke.   The monster snarled at him, countless predatory roars and howls layered upon each other in a headache-inducing din before flinging itself back through the wall behind it and quickly leaving Danny's sight.  Danny moved to chase after the thing and found that his body didn’t agree with that idea. “Fuck.” Great, ok, pain.  No more talking, though the world shall mourn my silence.  Danny flew slowly back to his friends, on the alert for the blob of ectoplasm, and flopped onto Sam’s back when he got into the security room.   Sam started and aimed her wrist ray at him before seeing that it was just him.

“Gods, I hate you sometimes.  Are you ok? You would’ve laughed by now if you were.”  Sam looked down and watched Danny’s hands moving, and frowned.  “A blob did this to you?” It was a smart blob.  “That says something about you, genius boy.”  Dig the knife in why don’t you?  “Left it at home.  Tucker, how’s the program going?”

“One full minute left.”  Tucker spun around in his chair, Wrist Ray™ whirring up and ready to fire.  “So a sentient blob monster was hangin out in an office at school. Wonderful.  What next, Cthulu decides to take a nap in Lake Eyre and we have to go and deal with him?”

Don’t tempt fate, Tucker, Danny signed.  We might actually have to deal with that after what we’ve done to those ectopi.

“That is both an exciting and depressing thought.  How are we gonna deal with Cthulu?” To answer Sam’s question, Danny stood up and pulled a bit of heat and light to his hand, and it glowed brighter and brighter until a ball of ectoplasm burned in the palm of his gloved hand.  “I’m not trying to be as blind as Tucker, Danny, please put that away. Thank you. That as fucking awesome! What, you can shoot plasma out of your hands now?”

There is a tiny portal to the Ethereal Realm in the center of my ghost, where my consciousness is stored, and I can pull extra ectoplasm out of it to burn and attack with apparently.  Danny tilted his head and added, I think that’s how our more effective weapons work.  Dad only made so many rifles so far.

“You know what?  Good. I’m glad he didn’t make too many of those,” Sam said with a shudder.  “Imagine him selling that technology to the military so that they’d be armed against ghosts.  I don’t wanna know what would happen if we had that kind of power enmass.”

Before uncomfortable truths about their home could be brought up further, the computer screens all lit up and Tucker spun around to check on them.  “Looks like everything is set up, and Danny can come back to school. Makes it a lot less lonely for us.” Tucker stood up and stretched. “The robotics club just can’t keep up with me sometimes.”

Awesome.  Can we go now?  I think I can fix myself up back at home, I have a first aid kit in my workshop.

“Wait, you have your own workshop?”  Tucker lunged at Danny, who hissed and slipped around his fingers to hover out of reach.  “Sorry. But for real, you have a workshop? Since when? Why have I not known about this?”  Danny shook his head and chuckled, then clutched as his chest in throbbing pain. I better not have to take off my binder for this, or I’m gonna shake the thermos when I catch that thing.  Reaching up to touch the ceiling, Danny grabbed onto the thread of energy running through the concrete and tried to pull it into him.  The line of electricity snapped at his fingers and zapped him to the floor, bringing a keening whine from his throat as the pain radiated all over his body and the hand that had reached out looked to be glitching out, morphing into a dark swirling mass of cold.

Past the ringing in his head and blood - ectoplasm? - rushing through his ears, Danny could feel himself being lifted up and carried out of the room.  He did his best to make that easier, unweaving the shadowy tendrils of gravity pulling on his body, and soon it was just Tucker’s familiar and warm hands holding him up like a balloon.  While Sam was working on the lock between barely opened doors so they could get out the old fashioned way, Danny pulled those lingering shadows back together until they were his hand again.  But then his other hand glitched and he groaned in frustration. Looking all around, Danny sucked in a sharp breath and reached down to tap Tucker’s Wrist Ray™, which had the other boy whirling around with it aimed.

Tucker fired off a ray at the ghost, who snarled at him for burning off an arm, and swiped out a claw at Tucker.  Danny pulled on the power inside of him and pushed it out of his still stable hand, building a wall of green around them that the claw smashed into, shattering it and causing Danny’s legs to dissolve.  Tucker fired off another shot that pushed the blob back and shouted. “¡Tíranos hasta el techo!” Danny sucked in a sharp breath and concentrated. His lower half was dissolved into a nebulous cloud of shadows beneath him but he had both hands, and now he was grabbing up Sam and Tucker in his arms and pulling them through the door and up.  He dropped back into solid space and saw Tucker and Sam calling their boards to them, and when he felt Tucker solidly on stable ground, Danny’s vision went dark, and the last thing he saw was the light of his transformation and Tucker’s chest in his face.

Unraveled and broken down and broken free into yet another star among the endless diamond sky. He can see it, the threads connecting every constellation. Chamaeleon calls to him, and he can see the kaleidoscope of flames weaving between the stars, crackling and vibrating in harmony to sing the most beauteous song. Just beyond it, he faintly sees the tangle of verdant greens that wove themselves with shadows into his friend. And she was not beyond the stars but before them, before him, and she was calling out to him and that was right, he was needed on the ground. He can reach out and dance among the stars another time, he knows they will be there for him, as they have always been there for him. It takes an eon, but mere seconds too, for Danny to remember how he is supposed to fit into the small confines of his body. He holds up his hand, turns it this way and that. Is this his? How has he ever considered himself something so… so small, so simple and well-defined?

“Danny? Danny, can you hear me?” He turned to Sam’s voice and reached a hand out, gently gripping her shoulder and nodding with a small smile. “Thank gods! Danny, are you ok? Can you speak?”

Danny tugged gently on that care concern help love that came through his bond to Sam and guided it to his jaw and chin. Letting out a sigh and snapping back to reality he nodded again. “Fornax, Sam that hurt. What happened? I passed out after Tucker got his board under him.”

“That blob thing attacked us while I was picking the lock, and Tucker got you to pull us out so we could get to our boards. Once you blacked out - bleeding, by the way, your head had been busted open - Tucker and I shot the thing until it left. When we got here, I started working on you while Tucker worked up a convincing lie to tell your parents.” She pointed at the door. “He’s right outside, but that’s as close as he can get without having a breakdown.” Danny nodded and slowly got to his feet. “You know that’s a dumb idea, right?”

“Isn’t that like, my middle name?” Danny chuckled. “I need to make sure Tucker is alright. And uh, Sam? Where’s my-” Sam handed over his binder and Danny smiled, slipping it into that in-between space and letting it solidify around him.  

“Thankfully you don’t have a broken rib or that might just make it worse.” That was true. Danny easily could’ve been making his wounds worse with the constricting force on his ribs. Glancing down at himself, Danny tried to look just sideways of the world like he did when looking for ghosts, but when he did all he saw was his phantom jumpsuit. Huffing a breath he shook his head. 

“I don’t feel like my chest is hurting much so I should be good.” Danny walked out of the door and saw Tucker sitting next to it. "Tucker, bro, thanks for saving my ass back there. Heard you did a great job flying, keeping me on the board And shooting the evil blob monster."

Tucker snorted, setting down his PDA. "That's cause I'm TF for Too Fine at a lot of things.  Coulda done better by programming a remote activation for the security and lighting the thing up with it though."

"Surf lessons and videogames can't help you prophesy the future, Tuck." Tucker scoffed, shaking his head.

"No, my inherent genius does that. Calculating the odds."

Danny cocked a brow at him, unseen since Tucker was staring at a wall. "Oh, a gambler I see. Did the loot crates get to you? Do you need an intervention? Is it like the coffee thing?" Danny put his hand on Tucker’s shoulder, gently squeezing as he spoke.

Tucker finally looked at Danny, expression and tone flat. “You literally learned how to make the highest caffeine content cold brew coffee possible and drink it daily, there is no room for argument there Danny."

"I remember you helping him, Tucker." Sam sat next to the geek and nudged his arm

“Your point is?"

"You might be addicted to gambling and caffeine but we definitely can help Tuck." Danny and Tucker laughed, Sam and Danny wrapping their arms around Tucker’s shoulders in a group hug that was only somewhat awkward.

"Seriously though, Tucker, you did perfectly fine. I dunno how you manage to do all of what you do."

"It's how I'm gonna kick your ass in videogames one day."

Danny smirked. “I'll record it."

"I will destroy you, both of you know that." Sam turned her head up, looking all the world like the quern of destruction they knew she could be.

“We will conquer! Right, Tuck?"

"Yeah!" The boys pumped their fists in the air and all three of them broke down into a fit of laughter. They disentangled and got up, Danny wincing at the aches exasperated by sitting like that.

“Alright guys, let’s head to sleep and then like, tell Danny’s parents we beat Skulker and that’s why he’s all roughed up?” Everyone agreed with Sam’s idea - they usually did - and headed up to Danny’s room to pass out for several hours.

Shadows illuminated from within by starlight collected over countless eons swirl like smoke around him, letting him see the stars themselves weave together into beautiful shapes and beings just on the edge of imaginable. He can feel it, past the cold shadows in his mind, the fire in his soul that he can pull out, weave it with his shadows to make something new if only he knew how. If only he dipped his brush into that well of fire and plasma and life within him and painted the empty air with it. He can, he just needs to move his fingers, the small heavy things they are.

“Danny, honey! Breakfast is ready!” Danny felt himself groan at the sound of his mother’s voice and buried his head further into someone’s arm. The air shifted, the door open, and Mom gasped. “Danny! Oh Danny, what happened?” Right, he’d forgotten he had a few bruises left by that blob. It’s too early to remember things though. The concern worry fear pinging in his head was enough to drag Danny to full consciousness and address the mounting panic his mother was diving into. 

“Good news is: I can go to school again. Bad news is: I can go to school again.” Danny propped his elbow on Sam’s side as his friends got up. “But uh, we turned the ghost to goop. I’m mostly fine. Only sting a little.” Danny groaned as he was shoved by Sam into Tucker who fell off the bed with his hand clasped around Danny’s shoulder. “What’s for breakfast?”

It turned out they were having waffles, eggs, and fruit salad for breakfast. Danny ate like there was no tomorrow, Tucker doing much the same while Sam went at s civilized pace. Must be years of being in a ‘proper’ home. Cutting out Danny’s powers they regaled how they beat Skulker and Danny held up the thermos full of ectoplasm they removed from the zoo. “So we’re safe now.”

“I expect you to contact me and your father next time you do something so dangerous, young man!” Danny could see the blue bleeding through the yellow in her aura and nodded dutifully. Mom relaxed into her seat and sighed. “I’m proud of you for taking down your first ghost though!”

“Thanks, Mom. He was a pain in the Apus.” A spark of yellow that had him grinning. “It’s a constellation o-”

“Trust me, Danny, I know.” Mom kissed his head and Danny rambled away about the constellation anyway. “I’ll let the principal know that the ghost is dealt with. You three eat up and do whatever it is you kids do after fighting an evil monster.” Mom walked away and Danny looked over at his friends.

“What do we do once we beat a bad guy?” Other than worry about the next one. I’m almost starting to think Agatha is a rarity. “Cause I kinda wanna try beating Sam in something.”

“You poor naive boy, you think you can actually win.” Sam shook her head and patted Danny on his shoulder. “One day you’ll learn.”

“That day is not today!” Tucker shouted around his eggs. “To victory!”

“I’m painting something on the loser’s back, just so you know.” Danny waved his fork menacingly. “If you squirm from being tickled by the brush then I will have to start over.” The three of them laughed, finished up their breakfasts, and headed to the living room to start up a star finder videogame for Tucker to try and beat Sam in. Tucker lost and Danny tortured him with the cool ticklish strokes of his paintbrush while he put down a painting of a toucan on his side.

“As fun as kicking your butt has been, I think I’m gonna take off,” Sam said as she collected her helmet and new magnetized boots. They did just as much damage as her old combat boots, but these let her stick to her hoverboard. “And I swear if you make that a pun, Danny Fenton-”

“Take off into the sky and make sure not to crash land!” Danny was knocked back by his jacket being thrown at his face and Tucker wheezed out a laugh next to him. The door closed and Danny pounced, pinning Tucker to the floor. “And so the jester took down the friar, twas hardly a fight.”

Tucker pushed Danny up and off of him, rolling over to sit on his friend and crossing his arms. “I am triumphant and rose to the position of king! As such, I’m gonna see if I can crack that idiot’s code. Mind if I use your little workshop?”

“As long as you don’t try to leave through the portal to the moon, it’s perfectly cool dude. Best of luck with the metal head.” Danny squirmed free and headed up the stairs. “I just realized I can paint over those glow in the dark stickers on my ceiling now!”

Tucker shook his head and headed upstairs as well. He grabbed his stuff, got on his board, and flew home with a quick text to his parents to explain that he’d been at Danny’s house again. Tucker shook his head and headed upstairs as well. He grabbed his stuff, got on his board, and flew home with a quick text to his parents to explain that he’d been at Danny’s house again.  Once Tucker reached his house, touching down in his backyard and pulling the hoverboard into the garage to idle, he headed upstairs immediately to grab Skulker's head. When he got to the ladder that leads up to his trapdoor, Tucker was met with his parents and upset faces. "Uh, hi?"

"Young man, why were you out all night without telling us first?  That dangerous... ghost thing is still out there, hunting you and your friends.  Your leg has only barely gotten any better!" Wow, Tucker definitely needed that reminder of the dull throbbing ache that the Advil was masking just well enough for him to ignore on the way here.  Moms were the best at unwanted reminders, Tucker was beginning to think. "You could have gotten hurt!"

"Well, would it make you feel better to know that I am 100% sure that Skulker isn't a problem anymore?"

"If you could give us proof of that, maybe."  Dad frowned. "That doesn't excuse not telling us that you were staying the night with Danny.  We were worried sick."

"If you let me up into my room I can show you that proof."  They conceded and let Tucker climb his ladder, following up immediately after.  "I've spent like half my nights at Danny's place anyway." Tucker rushed over to his closet and pulled the helmet to Skulker's suit out of the pile of clothes he'd been hiding it under.

"That's no excuse young ma- Tucker what in god's name is that?"  I've never seen Dad so close to cussing in front of me before.  This is a true milestone.

"Tucker Malik Foley is that the head of the robot ghost that shot at the targets in the backyard?"  His mom didn't sound very thrilled, and Tucker could admit that he should've seen that coming but he needed the head anyways.

"I told you that the Fentons have great hologram technology and you saw that I have Sharon back, right?  See, the hoverboard, some holograms and the kind of backdoor that opens up when you put someone else's things into your own stuff lead to us taking Skulker down.  He's back on the other side where he belongs. And I thought 'hey, I could shut it down and eject him through my PDA, what can I figure out with my laptop' and I can see that you're not happy with the idea, which makes sense, but if I can figure out how Skulker's armor works then not only could I make something insanely effective at deterring ghosts from attacking us, but I'd also be able to make something that I can sell!  And just imagine what kind of things we can get if I made money off of this." His parents had one of those silent conversations people had with looks and Tucker scrambled for something to add, something that would stop them from taking this away from him when he was on the edge of a breakthrough. "I'm close to breaking down all the firewalls, I know I am. I made an entire cybersecurity system for Dad's job, I think I can manage to crack a firewall."

"And how," Dad asked, "are we to know that you're doing this safely?  You might trigger some sort of self destruct in the thing if you do this."  Mom gave Dad a look, and Tucker almost snorted. "What? Angela this is like we stepped into a sci-fi world and I have no clue what to expect, so why wouldn't an evil ghost have a self destruct inside the robot suit it was possessing?"

"Valid enough concern, Dad, but I already disabled that and I uh, I'll do it at Fentonworks.  They have all kinds of stuff for volatile experiments there. If something is about to blow, I'll get behind a blast shield and be as safe as possible."  Another long moment of silent deliberation and his Mom sighed.

"Alright, we'll allow it.  But if you at all get hurt then all of the suit that I know you're trying to hide from us is going to the dump, you understand me mr.?"  Tucker put the head on his bed, launched himself at his parents, and hugged them both tight. "This doesn't excuse you getting into a fight with a ghost young man."  They were both hugging back, so Tucker laughed it off.  That was a discussion for later.

Before his parents could make it a discussion for then and there, Tucker grabbed the head, slid down his ladder, and got to his board as quickly as he could.  Taking to the skies, Tucker zoomed straight for Danny's workshop building instead of going through the Fenton's house. Opening the door, he rode the board in and blinked a couple of times as he looked around, getting a better chance to take it all in.  "So this is where he does all of that art.  It looks like Dr. Fenton put every painting or doodle Danny's ever done on the walls in here."  There were very few empty spaces on the walls of the very first room, easels and framed paintings and even first-grade doodles that Tucker recognized were hung all around the room.  Dismounting the board, Tucker headed down the stairs and plopped himself in Danny's wheely chair, spinning around a couple of times before setting down Skulker's head and opening a drawer.  "Danny and I are gonna discuss him moving my stuff when I leave it here."

With Skulker’s helmet on the table and connected to his laptop, the room was full of the hum and buzz of electricity, the clacking of his fingers on the keys and Tucker lost track of time.  Sure, he’d managed to shut it down and open up the thing to force Skulker out of the chest but those were the easiest things for him to access even with a backdoor. “There’s no way someone like Skulker could’ve made something with this much protection. I usually have something like this dealt within two days tops.” He hit enter once more, running his firewall crack and leaned back. “There’s gotta be something useful in all of this.”

Ding! Humming, whirring, buzzing, the head came to life with emerald flame and something clicked. Tucker saw the programs pop up on his screen, the programs, the blueprints, and weapon schematics, and the code sang to him, how to do what Skulker did with just a bit of energized ectoplasm!  Music filled his ears, his soul, his fingers. His human mouth could not sing the melodies, but metal could and metal would. 

"The world is just vibrating strings, you just gotta know how to play the universe's song."  Tucker took special note of one piece in particular. “Intangibility modulater huh? Thank you Hunter Grovsner, you’re so pathetically weak of a ghost your suit has to compensate.  Now then,” Tucker thinks, thinks of all the things he could do with something like that, thinks of how to best make it convenient, and he starts designing, letting the music of the universe guide him, “let’s get to work.”

[one-of-us-must-be-crazy]

👀 spare a WIP for a weary traveller

This isn’t going to happen for a LONG TIME but spoilers, eventually in Lucky Star, Christopher gets a little more human, and finds a hobby that he rather likes.

“You’re reading one of his?”

“What?” Ripley bent the mass market completely in half, setting it upside down on the coffee table. Samuels winced.

“That author,” he specified. 

“Oh, yeah. I’ve read the whole series so far,”

“I didn’t think high-fantasy interested you much.”

“Not usually, but I’m over the shoot-outs, military lit, and what generally passes for fantasy anymore. Retro science fiction only goes so far too,” she shrugged. “But I kind of like this guy, he’s got a…I don’t know, his perspective is weird. I like it. Except that thing in this one, where they brought in the wyvren hatchery, the way they move…Reminds me too much of shit.”

“I like what he did with them though; dragons are far too beloved of a feature to demonize at this point, especially by a newer voice.”

“You read them?” Amanda perked up.

“…Technically.”

“What did you think?”

“I want to know what you thought—“

“Nope, you first.”

“I think they could have been better,” he began. “Too many instances where you can tell the author is merely reciting a scene instead of creating one. I think several conversations between the knights and their lords are taken from his own experiences,” there’s more he could pick apart, so much more, but Amanda looks crestfallen as it is, and he’s a little confused by it.

“Yeah but I don’t think he was wearing armor, or talking about a surge of monsters in real life.”

“Well, you never know,” he said with a slight grin. 

“What do you mean?”

“You know that I’ve met many, many people through the company. I could have possibly seen him one day,”

“There’s no fucking way that you’ve met McClaren,” Amanda crossed her arms.

“Why not?”

“He lives in Scotland, for one; two, he’s probably ancient, so what would he be doing in the HR office of Weyland-Yutani, on Luna?”

“I don’t know, but I am familiar with him.”

“You’re lying,” she didn’t bother biting back her smile—she never bothered to around him.

“I’m not lying, and I’ll prove it to you,” she didn’t ask him to elaborate further, and he vanished for a short moment to his office, returning with a hardcover of the second novel.

“So you own a hardcover?”

“Open it,” he said, handing it to her. Amanda raised her eyebrow at him, flicking through the pages, before falling back on something strange on the title page that she missed in her copy of the book.

“holy shit. He signed it for you? The guy never does signings!”

“How do you know he doesn’t?”

“I looked him up once...read a lot about him. I thought you’d like the series, and I was going to try to find a boxed set of it for a gift for you, and see if I could get it signed. But then I found out that a) he doesn’t fucking sign anything ever, b) no one knows what he even looks like, and c) there’s another book left."

“There’s at least one, but knowing him he’ll probably drag it out for another two. He isn’t exactly...aware of human time and space.”

“Wait...Are you still in contact at all?”

“Yes but you can’t talk to him. I’m afraid to lose you to him,”

“Shut up,”

“I am though; he’s no older than I am. And is…apparently, your type.”

“I have at least three types.”

“He’s…much like me.”

“Then I’d rather keep you, not the updated-famous-writer-you. But I just want to ask him-- I’m mad about the alchemist—how could she not know what she was doing? If the king was using her work to help breed the wyverns, she had to know something, she couldn’t be that blind.”

“Perhaps she thought her work would help someone she loved.”

“That’s a whole other thing, that weird statue-hexed-to-life thing by some fuck up of hers? It doesn’t have a soul or a thought of it’s own and it’s...It’s creepy. She never even questioned it. And as far as her research for the wyvren hatchery—how would she think that the king gave a fuck about her science project sex toy—“

“That is awfully cruel, she really thinks that given enough power he might be able to live outside of her study, to be a person.”

“She fucked him though. Without knowing that he can’t say no to her. It was skeevy.”

“We were sleeping together nearly a month before you realized that—at the time—I couldn’t tell you no—“

“Again different story—“

“—is it? And why do you like the character so much if everything she does bothers you that much?”

“…She’s on her own. She came from nothing and now works under the king, not at the big castle of course, but still.”

“I don’t think she thought she was helping the king’s project; or that he was trying to breed monsters in the first place. Her father died in a dead-end battle for him, but…it happens all the time. Accidents. Mishaps. She doesn’t know—“ “Wait, did her dad die at one of the dens?! Oh my god it’s too long until the next one. And shit, if--” Amanda stops herself. Samuels isn’t going to call the guy up just becuase she wants spoilers, but--, well. Actually, that’s the exact kind of thing that Samuels would do.

“She does find out; and her ‘sex toy’ finds the record of her father’s death.”

“How do you—do you have an advanced copy?” he leaves the room again, and she half expects another treasure, an early release with a note in the front, maybe? Instead, he returns with the notebook she had bought him for Christmas. 

“I’m…getting to the point where it’s beyond something that I can…bend out of my own experiences. I don’t want to lean too heavily on folklore but for now it’s the best I can do to avoid just copying out Beowulf.”

“…….You wrote a fanfiction?”

“Amanda, I wrote the whole series.” His partner is silent, and he’s wondering if she hasn’t already guessed it in the past, but she’s clearly in shock. “The author’s first two initials are ‘C. S.’ and that didn’t—“

“I thought it was a Narnia reference!”

“How didn’t you figure out you’re a main character—“

“……I’m the creepy alchemist?! And--she’s like…minor royalty. And pretty.”

“I think you are,” there’s a moment when it clicks in, the secondary character, her hair color, her attitude, her lover, her missing parent, her drive, her lover’s tender affection towards—and it clicked. And other scenes clicked too.

“You wrote and published a sex scene about us?”

“….I’m sorry? It was a fade-to-black though, nothing happened on the page. In the moment it felt like that’s...where they wanted to go.”

“When were you going to tell me about this? Not--not the alchemist but all of it, how did you even keep this a secret???”

“I started…writing memories. Then I could change them. Slightly, and eventually I could reset them entirely and even add and take things and…I figured out how to make things up. As for how I kept it a secret, well, I don’t require a fraction of the rest that you do, and while I do enjoy relaxing with you, I like feeling as if I’m accomplishing something.”

“Look at you figuring out how to be creative,” she did look proud of him, and she was, even if it would take a while to fully comprehend it.

“I’d appreciate it...if no one else found out.”

“People love you—“

“They love a thing that I made.”

“And you by extension—“

“I’d lose my royalties, copyrights, and probably my waking job too if I was exposed on a large scale.”

“You’re being dramatic—royalties?”

“…I…I’ve been saving them.”

“For what? I mean you make a decent check at the meteo center, and the flat’s paid off so what—“

“If you ever want to try--the genetics laboratory on Titan.. We’ll need tickets, lodging for multiple months. Supplies. Medical—it’s…not—don’t think that you have to make your mind up if you aren’t ready--only if you did I thought having the funds ready would...”

“I’m the one that brought it up, but I think…Another day we’ll talk about it but—spoil it for me,” she changed the subject. “Tell me what’s going to happen.”

“You can read it.”

“…You did’t write another sex scene did you?”

“….Yes but not for publication. There’s one that I was going to include but—it was too tasteless, it didn’t suit the rest of the story, and I thought it unnecessary. They arrive back at the main group the following afternoon, walking closer, touching more. Readers will know something happened.”

“But you did write it.”

“…I did. I also wrote another six hundred pages of plot and character development aside from it.”

“I want to read it,”

“Read the actual story first—please I don’t know what I’m doing with it, and it’s overdue to the editor—“

“I’m sure it’s perfect—“ she remembers the dedications at the opening of each book perfection’s closest being, love of my eternity. “The dedications… I’m…I’m the woman they’re all for. All those thank you’s and acknowledgements and—“

“There’s no one else,” he means it in honesty and love. Of course there’s no one else. So few friends and so few confidants. If there were more, she’d still be the one they’re dedicated to, but as it stands, there is quite literally no one else. 

“Could you read it to me? The whole thing. I want to hear it, if it’s so important to you.”

“That’s a lot of –“

“Just a little! Each night a chapter or two. I want to hear it from you, how it was meant to be heard.”

AAAAAND that’s all you get. This is a stand alone bit inside of my “bad AU ideas” file that often ends up getting chopped up for later chapters of LS. This is likely to happen but the thing with Titan isn’t (a genetics lab, the sense being that they’d eventually have a kid/science project of their own). Maybe a one-shot becuase Samuels fretting over an infant is ridiculously cute but it’s not gonna fit the final version of them in Lucky Star.

[purplesurveys]

699

Before

When were you born? April 21st, 22 years ago.

Where were you raised? By who? For the first couple years of my life I lived with my dad’s family in Manila, but that didn’t last long because Manila is just so fucking filthy so we moved to my mom’s family in the city I currently live in. Until I was 10ish I was raised by extended family because my parents were still working hard. By the time they were able to climb enough rungs on their ladder they bought a house and they started looking after me and my siblings directly.

Do you have any siblings? How old are they? Yeah, Nina is 19 and my brother is 16.

What were your first words? No clue, I don’t think my parents got to take note of it.

What are your most vivid memories of your childhood? Playing outside, shifting through the three big kids’ channels to watch Drake and Josh, SpongeBob, Pokemon, and Mr. Bean every night, and babysitting my younger cousins. I also still remember the alcoholism issues but I try not to focus on that side.

What were some of your favorite things when you were young? The first thing I was crazy about was Bratz. It was the cool thing to like those days so I had Bratz shirts, lunchbox, pencil case, backpack, boots, etc. The prizes and giveaways for my 7th birthday were mostly Bratz stuff. When I got a bit older I started liking Disney stars (because Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers, High School Musical, and Camp Rock lol), Pokemon, and WWE.

Do you have a lot of photos of yourself from before? Yeah, quite. My dad had a digital camera and a camcorder so he made great use of both.

Do you ever want to go back in time? Only when I find myself strugging in the present. I don’t actively yearn to have my childhood back, because I know it had some miserable parts too.

Or would you rather forget those days? Like I said, there are bits I would rather forget entirely.

Who was your kindegarden teacher? I had three kindergarten years but my very first teacher was named Kathy.

What did you grow up listening to? I didn’t have much of a taste as a kid. The first band I liked was Paramore and the rest is history.

What games did you play in the past? On my phone I had Snake and Space Impact. On my dad’s old laptop I had Insaniquairum, Cake Mania, Diner Dash, a brick breaker game I forgot the name of and a military-ish game I also forgot the name of.

What was the best birthday party you ever had? My parents threw me a grand party for my 7th birthday and it remains one of my favorites.

How about the best vacation? I have different reasons for my different favorites... Palawan’s scenery was breathtaking, our accommodations in Boracay are still unrivaled 11 years later, Batanes’ views were simply something else, Sagada was life-changing, the amount of history preserved in Bataan and Vigan is beautiful, Singapore was a nice glimpse to the modern world LMAO, Bali was super exotic and fun, and my East Asian cruise will always remind me of gaining my independence.

Who was your first crush? Andi.

Who was your first love [if you had one]? Gabie.

When you look back on yourself in the past, do you ever want to laugh? Always. That’s why I don’t look back lol. It’s embarrassing.

What was the best thing about being really young? The fact that my biggest worry was making sure I finished playing outside at the right time so that I can also still catch my favorite shows in the evening.

After

How old are you now? I’m 21, turning 22 in a little over two weeks. I know I’m getting older because the ages are starting to get more and more insignificant D: Who are your closest friends? Gab and Angela. Do you have any nicknames? Just one main nickname. I’m called Byn at home and by relatives. What do you enjoy doing? It depends on my mood. These days I like watching videos, doing a looooot of surveys, and catching up on reading on stuff that I couldn’t read up on because I was too focused on acads while I still had school. But on a normal day I like eating out and spending time with my friends and doing new things together with them. Where do you enjoy going? Coffee shops, chill bars, bazaars, food hubs, my org’s common area. Are you dating anyone? Who? Yeah.

Describe that person? Pretty pissed with them rn so I have no nice words to say, bye.

When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? Maybe 7 or 8 times out of 10, sure. If you COULD change anything about what you see about yourself, it'd be... My teeth. Name 5 of your personality traits:  1. I’ll be shy with new people at first and whether I warm up quickly to them or not will always be unpredictable; 2. Trust is very important to me and I can easily cut ties with people if I feel like they broke mine; 3. I’m patient in most contexts but can be prrrretty short-tempered in some, i.e. if I have to deal with shitty co-workers or if I’m driving, lmao. 4. I’m scared to do most things on my own and I like having at least one friend with me all the time. 5. I’m quite sensitive and have to work on having thicker skin. What are some of your prized possessions? My dog.

Do you care what others think of you? Some people. I try not to care, but sometimes Personality Trait #5 will rear its ugly head haha.

What's important to you? A lot of things? This is a very vague question. Feeding my dog everyday is important lol but so are people’s political stances because it tells me what they think of the rights of those less fortunate than them.

How likable do you think you are? I honestly don’t think I am at first. I’m pretty aloof and simply quiet at first, but I don’t do it on purpose. I’ve also been told I’m a little formal and intimidating when meeting me for the first time, so I try to do my part in changing that impression and being friendly.

Do you ever have days where you feel useless? Of course.

Do you ever have days where you're very happy with yourself? Yes.

What are you best at? Getting in tune with people’s emotions, reading body language, that kind of stuff. Sometimes I wonder if I’m good only because I’m overwhelmingly anxious and have an uncontrollable need to please people, but I guess as long as I keep making people happy it shouldn’t matter lol.

What do you wish you were better at? Being more assertive.

Do you have any goals you want to accomplish? Yeah sure. I have more traditional goals like having kids but I also have goals for myself, like going to Wrestlemania 50 in 2034.

What song most accurately describes you/your life? I can’t think of any right now but if there is a song talking about having nothing to do during a lockdown in the middle of a pandemic outbreak, that song is it.

Do you regret anything at the moment? Right now, no.

Do you have any secrets you never intend to tell? I don’t think so, there’s at least one person who knows any one of my secrets.

Who do you think you take after the most? I have a fair share of qualities from each of my parents. My temper and attention to detail/neatness/organization are from my mom, and my shyness and the fact that I’m really good at giving gifts are all my dad.

How about the person you resemble the most? My mom. But I’m also told I have days where I look more like my dad.

Do you belong to any cliques/cultures? (preps, jocks, punks, goths, etc) Those days ended in high school.

Are you accepting of people that aren't like you/your own crowd? Yeah, as long as they aren’t being disruptive, bullies, or plain assholes.

What memory would you like to disappear from your mind forever? My grandpa’s one drunken night that went too far. I’ve already talked about it in a past survey and I don’t plan on mentioning it again for a long time.

If you were someone else, would you be friends with the person you are now? Yeah but I’d be pretty intimidated by her lol.

You could never imagine yourself without: My dog.

Do you consider yourself a smart person? Sure.

Can you be very deep sometimes? I can be, but I’m still a bit selective about what I go deep on. I hate talking about philosophy and morality, for one.

What color would you use to describe your personality? Probably like a mellow shade of olive.

Have you ever been "confused" about yourself? Yeah. I’ve been mostly confused about my sexuality until Dan Howell made a video validating me and everyone else who didn’t want to label themselves and it was okay if they just identified as a formless blob. Since then I don’t let the confusion eat me up anymore.

What friend in your life has been the greatest influence to you? Gabie.

What celebrity do you idolize? I hate that word but I admire Beyoncé a lot.

What's your favorite famous saying? Can’t seem to think of any right now. I don’t really rely on quotes.

[snkpolls]

SnK Chapter 111 Poll Results

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,677 Responses

While still a highly rated chapter, satisfaction was down slightly over last month (4.33 for 111; 4.49 for 110). Many people expressed surprise that Isayama was able to pull off such an emotional chapter despite the predictable setup. Now that the Braus dinner has reached its conclusion, most are eager to get back to the main cast.

I loved the mood whiplash Isayama was doing. A happy moment already ruined by a tragic one that escalated higher. The main course was supposed to be delicious, but everything the Blouses and the SC tasted was treason and deception. Pure evil.

Glad to see further development for the characters of Falco & Gabi as well as the beginnings of preparation for war against Marley. (Albeit very slight) Hopefully in the next chapter we will get to see what the warriors & Marley have been up to while this revolution has been happening.

Good chapter, nice way to start a volume

I get why this chapter needed to happen, but I feel there were ways to advance these plot threads without killing the momentum we had last chapter.

I'm glad the Blouses are teaching Gabi that war is bad. Now let's get back to the damn war! Also, is Historia ok?! She wasn't looking good last we saw her, and now the Yaegerists are targeting her, and I'm worried.

not enough floch and no funeral/memorial for zackly and shitmachine, disappointed :'( good chapter though

I would like to file a petition for Isayama to stop repeatedly stabbing the already open wound he caused in to my chest pls?

  WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF THE CHAPTER? 1,678 Responses

With so many options it was difficult to choose but “Wine Mystery Revealed” edged out “All of the Above” with almost 20% of respondents. “Mr. Braus’ speech” and “Mikasa, savior of children” also had strong showings.

I honestly wanted to choose more than one which was Mikasa protecting Gabi, Mr Braus's speech and Gabi asking if they didn't hate her but I can't pick more because of the question type so ;-;

Favorite moment? Nicolo christening the Falbi ship. Yeah.

Mikasa saving Gabi was an incredible scene!

The way Nicolo insulted Jean to protect him was so cute, but if I were Jean I'd feel offended too lol.

Jean's new hair is awesome :D

OMG MIKASA IS PERFECT. MARRY ME!

Sasha eating pizza was sooo cute and i don't know if my heart can take it anymore because all this cuteness turns into angst because of what happened to her :(

  PAPA BRAUS, BEST DAD IN SNK, OR BEST DAD OF ALL TIME? 1,673 Responses

On a scale of 1 out of 10, Mr. Braus scores an 8.6. Although we haven’t asked you guys to rate other dads in the SnK universe, we’re confident he takes the number one spot of best father, and probably best parent as well.

Mr. Braus is the best parent in this entire universe (not that the bar was set very high, but still). I nearly cried during his speech.

Mr Braus showing this act of compassion - an act of letting go of revenge to stop the cycle of hatred and oppression is probably the most valuable experience Gabi could've learnt from (more valuable than any words spoken to her).

Step aside Eren, papa and mama Braus are the real Humanity's Last Hope! Their kindness and empathy are the only things that can stop the cycle of violence that this series is depicting on the most intimate and personal level. My appreciation for Sasha as well has grown exponentially through Nicolo, Kaya and the Braus parents.

Mr. Braus is like the only person in all that fucked up world that actually understands the root of the problem. Keeping people "into the forest" in a perpetual fight for survival between "preys and predators". I do believe that his words are everything we need to understand the moral of the story and may be hinting to what Eren and Zeke are trying to achieve (though from extremely different mindsets).

Sasha's dad's speech is so touching. Almost gave me hope that the series will end in a good way--people will find a way to deal with this unforgiving forest that is our world.

With all the allusions to World War II and the Holocaust, Mr. Braus' speech might have been the single most realistic depiction of the entire series. There are echoes of Oskar Schindler here. This is the same compassion that some Germans showed when hiding Jews in their basements, barns, etc. and saved lives. I was absolutely floored by this chapter, especially because my grandparents were Holocaust survivors themselves.

  AFTER SEEING GABI'S EMOTIONAL RESPONSE TO THE BRAUS FAMILY'S GRIEF, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HER? 1,668 Responses

Believe it or not, but compared to previous polls it seems more and more people are warming up to Gabi (or at least don’t hate her as much as they used to). 46.4% are glad she finally got some character development. Nearly 30% of the fandom are starting to like her or have always loved her. However, 17.9% of all respondents would rather not deal with Gabi at all.

Between warming up and loving her

Always loved her. Just keep loving her more and more. It was NEVER her fault.

Doesn’t put me up nor down

Feed her to titan falco

Finally some character development, but I still don't like her. She just grates on my nerves.

Gabi's scenes this chapter gives me hope for the story's message. Gabi's heartfelt question juxtaposed with Kaya's instant reversal was the most powerful scene in the recent chapters.

Great character development, but sorry she'll remain the one whom I hated.

I can't decide I just need a bit more time

I have always felt the hatred towards Gabi was unjustified so i'm glad that people are starting to like her character more

In that "Do you really not hate me?" there is everything Gabi is and represents as a character. Can't wait to see how she will further develop now.

This shows that regardless of the environment she has been raised in, Gabi is still just a confused child and a human being with feelings. I approve.

My hopes for her are very very low, but it's nice finally seeing a human and not radical, violent, aggressive reaction for once. hopefully she'll start seeing walldians as repressed ppl like the ghetto dudes

  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE TERM  “YEAGERIST”? 1,676 Responses

The fan translation gave us “The Jaeger Faction” which over half of respondents preferred over Kodansha’s official translation of “Yeagerists.” 14% like the term, while 10% are not fans of it.

"Yeagerist" sounds like a name of some crazy group of fan girls. I prefer "Jaeger Faction" - sounds more serious.

I hope to become a member. better because it could mean both yeagers, not just eren

Could've come up with something better.  

I like the name, and hereby identify as a Yeagerist.

The abs empire

It's more respectful than "Idiots" I guess

Silly as fuck and hilarious. Jaeger Faction is superior.

I chuckled. It’s fine.

I like the term! It sounds perfect for an extremist faction!

The name doesn't matter. It just had to be called a sect, so it's fine.

  DO YOU THINK ANY OF THE SOLDIERS AWARE OF ZEKE’S AND/OR HISTORIA’S LOCATION COULD BE A “YEAGERIST?” 1,672 Responses

63% of respondents suspect that at least one of the 30+ soldiers aware of Zeke and/or Historia’s location are loyal to the Yeager brothers. 28% aren’t sure, and a small percentage are certain that these soldiers are all to be trusted.

  LET’S TALK ABOUT COMMANDER PIXIS SURRENDERING TO EREN. WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING DO YOU MOST AGREE WITH? 1,672 Responses

Very few of us took Pixis’ word at face value. 47.3% believe he was at least partially putting on a show. 41.6% have no idea, but trust him regardless.

I don't know how this negotiation is going to work but I'm glad someone finally has some plan which doesn't involve fighting or doing nothing. I think he's a wise man and he knows what he's doing. I'm going he's in charge now.

Pixis is smart and has a strategy that aims to save lives. Momentary surrender is a necessary step to take back control of the situation as a whole. That's called leadership.

Loved it, he’s playing chess. Sacrificing his bishop for another move

Why has Pixis become my hero these past two chapters? He is smart and brave enough to not only recognise the military's mistakes, but also humble and determined enough to take corrective steps to bring the lost sheep back into the flock for the higher, long-term good. I love how there's one adult in the room who is above petty bickering and suspicion at a critical moment like this. Pixis is an Erwin-level class act and I'm so grateful we still have a character like that in the series ;--; (RIP Erwin)

He trusts Hange enough to let her lead the secret mission of screwing the Jaegers' plans, and he will do something important in the right moment. Of course, he can't say it directly because there are still traitors that want to put bombs here and there.

Pixis has no idea what he's doing, dawg, he just wants to get vored by a pretty lady and this is harshing his buzz

HE'S A YEAGERIST...

  WHO MASTERMINDED THE SPIKED WINE PLOT? 1,657 Responses

At 71.8%, the overwhelming consensus is that Zeke masterminded the spiked wine. 9.4% gave Yelena the credit, and 8% attributed it to the Yaegerists.

Onyankopon seemed real suspicious with Nicolo this chap…

Zeke masterminded it, but he's too slippery to ever take responsibility for it. Yelena would probably go to the ends of the earth to claim it was her plan.

Both Jaegerists and Volunteers

Probably Gordon Ramsey, who's mad that his potential customer Sasha was ripped away from him.

I think it was Zeke's plan but Eren doesn't know about it, or the bomb. I think Zeke has more interests than meets the eye and will betray Eren.

  DO YOU THINK EREN IS AWARE OF THE SPIKED WINE? 1,667 Responses

With a relatively close split, nearly 40% believe that Eren isn’t aware of the spiked wine. 32% don’t want to say either way, and 27% are certain he’s in on it.

I think Eren has been shown too evil to be true, i really think that in reality he has a plan that for some reason he couldn't share with his friends, and he is trying to save as many people as possible.

EXPLAIN WHAT EREN'S UP TO ALREADY

I never trusted Zeke for one second and I’m glad ta starting to pay off. I do still believe Eren isn’t really working with Zeke as closely as Military believes.He doesn’t want any of his loved ones to turn into Titans and I’m certain the hidden spinal fluid is Zeke’s intent because I believe nothing the disciples are doing is without his knowledge.

  WHY DO YOU THINK THE WINE WAS SPIKED WITH ZEKE’S SPINAL FLUID? 1,648 Responses

58% of respondents believe that the wine is spiked as an insurance for Zeke in case Paradis turns on him. 18% believe it’s a way to hold leverage over Eren specifically, and 14% feel that the intent is to have pure titans available in case Paradis is attacked.

A way to easily get rid of pesky opposition

I’m not quite sure but none of these strike me as correct.

There are so many possibilities here: i mostly believe it’s some kind of insurance in case eren or paradis go against him, but there’s also the possibility that zeke was never actually on the eldian’s side in the first place

He will use it when he wants to eliminate Paradise if Eren refuses his true plan

Bargaining tool to gain control over everyone, like a threat/hostage

I'm hesitating between it being a conspiracy, and Zeke trying to do a coup d'état, by replacing all the higher up by people he somewhat trusts

I’m not so sure it’s just insurance... I think zeke might just be straight up planning on turning the higher ups into titans either way. I think he ultimately is not allied with Paradis and wants to be able to overthrow their military command structure at the drop of a hat.

It's Zeke's trump card and bargaining chip all rolled into one

Since they only used the wine on the military police members, it could be a protection toward Historia

I knew Zeke was going to stab them in the back, I was just wrong about how.

  WHO DO YOU THINK DRANK THE SPIKED WINE? 1,655 Responses

36.3% believe the wine was limited to high ranking MPs. 63.7% of us worry that the wine has reached beyond that narrow scope.

A FUCKTON OF PEOPLE

Anyone in the high ranks of each branch, and possibly the entire MP (since their overall living environment is much fancier than the other two branches, they probably were also served by Marleyans)

I think just the MPs, but dear god I hope Nile didn't drink it. He was the only one from his training days' friends group that made it it out of the depressive cycle of violence and managed to have a family. He deserves better. Marie deserves better.

Wouldn't be surprised if Jean starts racing for the alcohol rack again after this chapter. Everyone is mentally and emotionally exhausted already and the storm hasn't even began. Time to get some wine fellas.

PLEASE NOT HANGE AND DOUBLE PLEASE NOT FALCO

  WHAT IS YOUR THEORY REGARDING FALCO’S FUTURE? 1,654 Responses

Nearly ⅔ of all respondents think Reiner will pass on the Armored Titan to Falco. Another 11.5% think he will turn into a mindless titan, and not gain any shifter powers. The least popular choice was Porco or Pieck giving their powers to Falco. We also received quite a few write-ins:

He is going to die at the venerable age of 128 surrounded by friends and family

He will become the next Beast Titan

He won't transform at all and continue living the source of all pureness (fingers-crossed)

he will become flying titan

I love the fact that Falco in a way has already managed to fulfill his mission. He wanted to save Gabi from the horrors of becoming a Titan - and he just did that. By pushing her out of the way of the wine, he shortened his own lifespan, but managed to save her from dying a potentially early death.

He's going to have to save Gabi at least 2 or 3 more times.

It's going to be tragic and I'm very sad already!! He'll either end up as mindless titan killing people or he'll inherit Reiner's titan, meaning he'll be the one who kills him and inherit his memories. And of course his life will be shortened!! Either way I hate it!! He doesn't deserve any of that!!

SAVE BEST BOY

  WHY DID NICOLO CONFESS AT THE END? 1,664 Responses

With a fairly even 3 way split, slightly more people felt that Nicolo confessed because of his friendship with the SL. Following that at 26.6% and 26.4%, Nicolo may have confessed because he was already caught red-handed, and that Mr. Braus’ speech moved him to come clean.

!All of the above!

He knew that it was almost time for Zeke’s plan to go in full swing, so he told them after it became too late.

Honestly, for me it's a toss. He was very emotional in this entire chapter, and he let it get the better of him. Why he confessed is beyond me. Maybe it has something to do with him wanting to seek vengeance against the Yeagers and Marley for both indirectly contributing to Sasha's death?

He felt guilty because Falco is innocent and he regrets that he took the hit and had wine in his mouth as a result (but he doesn't regret attacking Gabi)

It was probably quite a big burden of knowledge to carry. I imagine it was all those things at once.

He broke down under the enormous emotional pressure, as simple as that.

He participated in serving the spiked wine, maybe willingly at first. But at some point, maybe because of his relationship with sasha, he become uncomfortable and was compelled by the volunteers to continue against his will. After his arc, he know he's going to be arrested, and just confesses to unburden himself.

He felt guilty about using the spinal fluid on Falco at all - he was trying to use a normal wine bottle

  HOW DO YOU VIEW NICOLO AND SASHA'S RELATIONSHIP? 1,666 Responses

Wow. Two thirds of the fandom believe Nicolo and Sasha were a couple. 23.3% believe it was a one-sided love affair, or as one comment put it, “Friendzone with food benefits. ”

I HOPE they were dating but the chapter made it to where there’s not really solid evidence that they were…

Nicolo loved Sasha in the conventional way. Sasha loved Nicolo the only way she could, alimentarily.

I'm a huge Springles shipper, so I'm kinda of sad about the whole thing with Nikolo, to be honest. Springles is really what helped me through a lot of dark times, so the fact that Nikolo and Sasha may have been dating really kind of hurts XD

The way Nicolo confessed his feelings toward Sasha in front of everyone especially Sasha's parents made me emotional.

I want to care about her “relationship” with Nikolo because I like the Romeo and Juliet setup but it also got zero development so.......how am I supposed to believe Nikolo was THAT upset about her when I never really saw them together in the first place?

If it turns out they really were together, I won't have a problem with it. But until Isayama confirms it in a more direct manner, I don't buy any notion of romantic relationship in Attack On Titan, especially with someone like Sasha, who seems to only be interested in food.

Sasha was a food-digger

  SOME HAVE SUGGESTED THAT ONYANKOPON IS NOT TO BE TRUSTED AND WAS PERHAPS SENDING A MESSAGE TO NICOLO. WHAT DO YOU THINK? WHOSE SIDE IS ONYANKOPON ON? 1,653 Responses

Nearly half of us are in the dark about where Onyankopon’s loyalty stands, though 31% think that his allegiance lies with his own faction of volunteers.

¡Que lástima! As much as I like him I no longer trust him because of the wine reveal. Compared to everyone else, the look on his face makes me believe he knew exactly what was going on.

Eren, Zeke, Yelena, Floch... Literally everyone is a double agent. Can't we have a single person who is not a traitor?

He's not with Marley and not with Yelena, but does this mean we can 100% trust him i'm not sure

He's in relationship with Kiyomi. Not his fault Kiyomi's hot.

Liar liar paths on fire

I don't believe that he's totally innocent, totally 100% devoted to Paradis and Eldians. But I do believe that Yelena's acting separately from him.

I think Onyankopon probably knows more than he's letting on which is disappointing because I'd like at least one fucking person to not be shady as fuck. It's overkill.

If best boi onyankopon betrays hange I’m rioting

WILD CARD BITCHES!!

  KIYOMI WAS PROMINENTLY FEATURED DURING THE WAR COUNCIL. WHAT BEST MATCHES YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT HER BEING THERE? 1,641 Responses

35.8% of responders think the military knows something is shady about Kiyomi and are trying to set her up, followed by 31.7% think the military made a mistake allowing her to hear their argument. Only 10.2% believe Kiyomi is actually being sincere about her plans and Mikasa.

Her motive is clearly not pure but I think she is (for now) on the right side. At the moment it's a game of maneuver between her, Mikasa, and Paradis.

She's aware of Zeke's spinal fluid plan, as it's extra insurance to insure her access to resources.

Paradisian incompetence continues on full display. To let an outsider in on the unfolding crisis situtation is amateur hour to say the least.

Kiyomi wants to screw everyone over for their money and resources and she's pressing the flesh aggressively

Kiyomi had something to do with Zackley's assassination...

Kiyomi is no threat to Paradis as long as their relationship benefits her and Azumabito. I can see she that if she perceives instability and civil war she will cut her losses and side with Marley / the world. Also Hizuru does not seem to condone what the Azumabito clan is doing. If the pressure is great enough from multiplicative forces, she will budge. I can also see her running back to Marley, figuratively and/or literally, and be basically disposed of as an example or due to sheer brutality. It's an archetype I feel Isayama would use - it's consistent with this arc's themes of political intrigue and moral ambiguity. Yams will definitely still make it his own in some way if this does happen though.

She's a shady Bitch and I wouldn't trust her with my car insurance let alone anything to do with this series.

WILD CARD BITCHES!!

  WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON NICOLO’S ATTACK ON GABI AND FALCO? 1,664 Responses

With ⅔ of all votes, most people could understand Nicolo’s anger, but do not condone his actions. A good chunk (28.2%) of people would have rather he’d hit Gabi with the wine bottle instead of Falco. A mere 3% want to see him swinging from a tree for what he did.

It was good but felt a bit forced. Kaya’s reaction was strange and Nicolo was genuinely unhinged. It’s alright to an extent as people tend to do absurd things in terrible situations.

Falco in his hero complex brought himself to trouble. I understand Nikolo.

Gabi is very bratty, stubborn, close minded and rude - she definitely doesn't deserve all love and protection. I was happy to see Nicolo kicking her ass.

I understood and I actually did not care if Gaby dies. I would be glad actually, It would be sad for Falco though.

I can maybe understand the bottle and punch but him treating a 12 year old like a sacrificial lamb was insanity.

It doesnt sit well with me at all tbh but i dont hate him

Nicolo comes from a place where it’s heavily socialised that Eldians are sub human. So while I disagree completely with him hurting children, I can see how he did it so easily.

Nicolo's actions were horrible, yet very human. It's clear he felt something towards Sasha, and he doesn't view Gabi or Falco as children in this scenario--he sees them as soldiers(or warriors), which is why he had no hesitation attacking a child.

  HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT MIKASA’S DISPLAY OF COMPASSION? 1,661 Responses

Nearly half of respondents were just pleased to see Mikasa get attention on anything that doesn’t involve Eren. 28% were simply just excited. A few agreed it was a good show of Mikasa having room in her heart to spare and a few wished she wouldn’t have interfered.

A great example that she cares for others and hates to see death especially from children. She does not want to let them have the same future as herself.

Loving Mikasa in this arc, it really feels like she's matured in those 4 years.

Extremely important. She's stopping Kaya from "stepping into the forest".

Honestly the most powerful scene in the chapter, along with Papa Braus putting down the knife.

I don't know how to feel. She didn't have the right.

Considering none of Sasha's friends attacked Gabi or Falco on the airship and Mikasa's always been like this I don't see what the big deal is. It could've easily be anyone else imo but I guess it's nice she's getting to do something other than wanting to get to Eren asap. I just wish she was given more to do when I still cared about her. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I never really liked Mikasa, but I adored this scene. It shows a part of her that we don't often get to see so plainly in my opinion. She prevented a very bad situation from unfurling by being a bit more merciful, even if only for Kaya's sake.

Mikasa used to be one of my favorites. Not anymore. Not after this.

it's nice i decided to not take a drink each time mikasa shows concern for someone other than eren and ppl react by saying "finally! she shows concern for someone other than eren!" i'd be a chronic alcoholic by then.

We don't all have a Mikasa to craddle us in her strong arms so i hope Gabi appreciates this eventually. She seems shook already.

  HAS THERE BEEN TOO MUCH ATTENTION ON SASHA’S DEATH? 1,657 Responses

Maybe it’s fate that this pie chart looks like a peace sign since fandom discussion on this topic is surprisingly civil. Very few people resent the attention Sasha has gotten. Only 11.9% are unhappy with it.

I appreciate how Sasha’s death this way is much more impactful than if she died how Isayama had originally planned.

I think there’s so much emphasis on Sasha’s death because 1. she made it so far with the group that they never thought they could lose her and 2. It’s peaceful enough on Paradis that they finally have time to mourn their dead (when before they had to figure out how to get back wall Maria and take out the titans).

I understand why people are frustrated that so much time has been spent on Sasha after her death, but I think there's a difference between spending time on her to mourn her death versus spending time on her death to advance the plot—revealing the wine scheme, yikes Falco+titan juice, Gabi's struggle with her indoctrination, discovering that even an integrated Marleyan like Nicolo isn't actually on Paradis's side. I think no other death in the series had as much potential to move the plot because because before now, the enemy was almost always a titan. A death at the hands of a human—moreover, a pseudo-protagonist and a child—in international warfare has a lot more to unpack in terms of what-happens-next than a death from a monstrous natural disaster.

  WILL KODANSHA EVER RELEASE A CHAPTER WITHOUT TYPOS? 1,646 Responses

We were so close to having “No but in red” end with 66.6% of the votes earlier last week! Nonetheless, we are all in agreement that Kodansha’s translations will never improve. Not even for the tankobon.

ChildEREN Of The Sun... maybe Kodansha are sending us a message

  WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,665 Responses

With over 50% of the votes each, most of the fandom want so see the Yaegerbros reunite and catch a glimpse of the queen. In third place are the warriors (including their disguises, hopefully). Next on the list is a flashback to Eren’s time in Marley, while more Gabi and Falco ended in fifth place. Only 3 out of 10 people want to watch Monsterbowl.

Abs of anyone but Jeagers.

All of the above, and a pizza too, thanks.

What happened the to EMA conversation?

Historia's baby goes fetus deletus

Hange NOT turning into a titan.

This chapter has made me eager to see how Falco and Gabi would interact with the Warriors now that they are wiser. Also Zeke's plot has really thickened. Also, really appreciate the use of Sasha's death as more than just a GoT-esque stunt.

ANNIEEEEE

Eren and his horde. Zeke and Levi. The Warrior infiltration. Revelations on any other plots/schemes/conspiracies taking place on the island. Historia and her role in all of this. The arc is just beginning, but it's building up to something big. I can't wait for all this to finally blow up! Soon!

How widely the spiked wine was disseminated and drunk.

Floch, naked, in a stream with Eren, also naked, washing his back.

WHERE  DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,600 Responses

Tumblr? Are you ok? We had more Facebook entries than yours.

  ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

Attack on Titan universe is 100% worth living in now that we know it has pizza.

Best birthday gift my dream comes true so many feels EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK

Best boy Jean looked so hurt when Nikolo used a racial slur against him (to save him - you could tell Nikolo didn’t want to call him that) : (

Clean af. And it didn’t  even touch the more exciting plot lines: Yeager bros, Annie, Warriors, Historia.

FALCO PLEASE BE OKAY MY BABY

Gabi's actions are revealed, Nicola's actions are revealed, Zeke's potential plans are revealed, Pixis' possible plan is revealed, the Volunteers' plans are slowly unravelling, now we just need to move onto Zeke, Eren, Levi, and Reiner.

Haven't enjoyed a chapter this much in months.

I think this is the first time in more than a year and a half that people are gonna understand what I've been saying about Gabi all along. If people don't change their opinions on her from this chapter they just have their hate blinders on.

Honestly I think it was pretty boring compared to the past like 10 chapters, but also because the bar has been set really high. I'm expecting each chapter to be amazing, when in reality, I should be looking at the overarching story. That's what's amazing.

I thought I would hate this chapter as much as the one where pregnant Historia was revealed but I hate it a little less because Gabi is getting the character arc she deserves. I'm super worried for Falco BBY tho. And Nicolo is a dick.

I thought it was really great in displaying the manga's most important message: Stopping the cycle of hatred. Mr. Braus had all the reason to direct his hatred towards Gabi, but realised the world is cruel. It's eat or be eaten, just like in the forest. Gabi was a victim of propaganda and was indoctrinated into her beliefs.

I was initially disappointed this chapter didn't stick/continue with the chaos of last chapter, but was surprised at how much I enjoyed it.

It was a great chapter! However, if it had at least one panel of Eren, it would have been even better. I cannot wait for more!

Last Christmas chapter was crazy, here's hoping the next one will be as well! As for this chapter, I enjoyed it as usual but was a little frustrated that we still didn't get more information about Historia. I mean, her last real apperance was back in July! I really hope we'll get to see her before the new year but I've got a feeling we may not. Also Annie. Please let 2019 be our lucky year, she's been gone long enough…

NicoSasha is so cute...!!! I'm glad to finally see the most anticipated scene. Mr. Braus's speech was really emotional. Never felt so much better after reading a chapter. But felt bad for Falco. He doesn't deserve this.

Not a huge fan of how melodramatic the nicolo part was (I understand why he snapped, but no mater how angry/upset he was would someone in that situation jump straight to murder? Really?) but overall I enjoyed the chapter. Now I’m just eager to see what happens when eren shows up to the zevi picnic!

oh Nic, the things you do for love. Sasha -saved- 2 people now, Kaya from the 2m titan and Nicole from the hatred the war caused. I really, really miss her

Really really emotional and fantastic chapter..... I'm sort of sad at the discourse that this has sparked in the fandom, but that's nothing new honestly. If anything, it's a sign of fantastic writing that everyone always has such strong opinions in any direction. At this point I would be concerned if a chapter DIDN'T spark such strong opinons and controversy. I am moved by the amount of human compasion showed in every single corner of every single faction, and shocked by how attached I am to every sect. I'm nervous for the future but ready to start seeing some outcomes.

The character development in this series is absolutely incredible. Its way beyond the simple gorey/edgy battle shonen reputation that it received way back from season 1. The themes, the characters, the plot, the attention to detail have evolved so much that this series truly is one of my favorites of all time. Its reached the complexity and "realness" of Monster for me. This was one of the best chapters to date, I loved it!!

Yeah, I loved Sasha but I'm salty she gets so much focus after her death considering she wasn't that important in the overall story. Meanwhile Erwin got nothing despite the fact 90% of the events of the story would have happened very differently or not at all if he hadn't been there (no Levi in the SC, Eren  shipped off to the MP, no Uprising... etc.). I get she's the catalyst to Gabi's characater development but... wait, why does Gabi gets more screen time than most MCs in this story anyway? That's how many chapters with the main focus on her? Is she a MC now? Isayama changes MCs like he changes his undies I swear.

Nicolo was tempting the Braus family with a violent solution that promised quick satisfaction, while Kaya just lost her cool long enough to go with what had been offered to her on a silver platter. However, in return, the sight of the Braus parents and Kaya's raw sadness in the aftermath of the confrontation and what he almost made Kaya do returned Nicolo back to his own senses as well. They are all such wholesome characters despite the moments of weakness.

Gabi’s character arc seems very predictable, which is not a bad thing really, but i kinda want it to be done so that the story moved on to more interesting things and characters

I want to know what the warriors are doing. No one strong enough is watching over Annie right now so Pieck, Reiner and Porko might try to get her back in the next chapter.

I would have killed for just one panel of Historia or Eren.

Isayama handled the gabi-sasha-nicolo plot line well.

More questions , less answers ... every time Isayama does his thing.

[themyskira]

The Life of Captain Marvel - issue #3

Previously: Carol has spent the last nine months listening to early-2000s emo music while watching herself cry in the mirror, basically.

She let her brother get in a car accident, then made his brain injury all about her.

She found out something private about her parents’ relationship problems, and made that all about her as well.

She discovered an alien device among her father’s possessions, but she couldn't find a way to wring family drama out of that one, so she ignored it.

Now the alien device has enabled a Kree cyborg assassin to track her and her mother down, and it almost (but not quite) forces the two of them to have an actual conversation.

This is the issue where things really kick into high bullshit.

(No talk of family violence in this one, thankfully, but love interest Louis goes into some creepy, coercive Nice Guy territory.)

Dishwasher continues to be the shittiest stealth assassination unit ever.  Having already conspicuously crash-landed, murdered two people and caused a gigantic explosion on a major highway, it has stolen a boat (so probs another murder in there as well) and is drawing further attention to itself by speeding so erratically around Harspwell Sound that it almost capsizes a smaller vessel.

But who could possibly see past this cunning disguise?

Carol, meanwhile, is apparently psychic. She thinks to herself,

I can’t get away from the feeling that something is wrong. I woke up in a panic this morning, reeling. For a split second, I couldn’t remember… What had happened? What terrible thing? Why was I spinning?

Because you’re trying to wake up from this nightmare of a comic?

She decides to let off some steam by running, which is apparently something that has always helped her clear her head.

This leads into a flashback of a SUPERNATURALLY FAST YOUNG CAROL OUTRUNNING A GODDAMNED TRUCK.

fuckin WHAT.

We will later find out that Carol, being half-Kree, was always naturally faster and stronger than the average human (though it wasn’t until the Psyche-Magnitron ‘jumpstarted’ her Kree powers that she got the full superpowered package).

That’s what we’re told. Except Margaret Stohl and flashback artist Marguerite Sauvage go so hilariously over-the-top in their portrayal of Carol as a child, so what we end up seeing is a newborn infant with such an iron grip that she causes her father GENUINE PAIN, and a fourteen-year-old girl who can OUTRUN MOTOR VEHICLES.

And yet, supposedly neither she nor anybody else around her twirled that there was anything out-of-the-ordinary about her??

In the present, Carol is snapped out of her reverie to discover that she is jogging mid-air.

Louis: Whatcha up to? Get it? Up to? Carol: Um… Calm down. Get it? Down?

So, we’ve all seen some version of this trope, right? The stressed-out super-person goes to the gym to take out some of their tension on a punching bag, only to unintentionally lash out with their full power and send the bag flying clean across the room, something like that.

What weirds me out about this iteration is that— jogging does not logically bleed into flying. They’re different forms of movement, presumably requiring the exertion of different muscles and associated with different physical sensations. It’s not so much ‘super-person unthinkingly hits the punching bag so hard they pulverise it’ as it is ‘super-person unthinkingly turns their punch into a cartwheel mid-swing’.

Carol and Louis talk. He suggests that “Maybe it’s time ta drop the Mystery of the Old Lettahs, Nancy Drew”.

WHAT MYSTERY. THERE IS NO MYSTERY.

I mean, no, it turns out there is a mystery because the letters were really written to Carol’s mother, who is a secret alien, but CAROL has no reason to know any of this as yet. As far as she’s concerned, the extent of the mystery was ‘ohshit dad had an affair? does mom know?? how will I tell her?? should I tell her??’ And then her mum was like, ‘yep I knew, ‘scool’. MYSTERY SOLVED. THE END.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, this family has a bucketload of issues to work through, but those letters don’t particularly factor into any of them.

Carol wonders what else she didn’t notice about her family.

“Were we normal, Louis? Did I even seem normal? Or… yanno… was there something funky about me too?”

You mean aside from the fact that you could run faster than a speeding pickup truck?

But of course this is Louis’s cue to confess that he’s had a crush on her since he first laid eyes on her… which he does by faintly negging her, because Louis is a turd.

“All those brains and you never figured that one out? You were the only thing I noticed, most days. … You’d hafta be stupid dense to miss that.”

Louis takes Carol’s hand and moves in for the kiss, just as Carol begins to hear a small but insistent beeping that sounds like a distress beacon. Louis handles it SUPER WELL.

Bear in mind, this scene is presented as humorous and cute.

[Louis goes in for the kiss] Carol: Wait— do you hear that? Louis: Shh. I’ve been picturing this since I was 14…

So straight away, Louis is viewing and treating Carol like an object — not an equal partner in this scene but a vehicle for his sexual fantasies. Carol is not enthusiastically consenting. She’s asking him to wait. She’s visibly distracted and concerned. His response is ‘shut up, you’re spoiling my boner’.

Carol: [leaning back from the kiss] …is that a car alarm? Some kinda distress beacon? Am I just freaking out because my childhood friend is, like, millimetres from planting one on me?? Louis: …but with less talking…

We are just going to zoom on past this atrocious dialogue because we do not have the time.

The important thing is, Carol is visibly uncomfortable and Louis does not care. Carol is making it clear that (a) she’s distracted and not in the moment, (b) she’s concerned someone might be in trouble and she may need to get her superhero on and (c) she’s panicking a little at the prospect of kissing Louis. This is the point where any decent person would back off and ask if she’s okay, if she wants this, if she wants to slow down, if she needs to go do the superhero thing.

Louis, who let me remind you is supposed to be a likeable love interest, again tells her to shut up with an aside that she’s less talkative in his sex fantasies.

Carol: [pulling right back in concern as the beeping grows more urgent] Hold that thought. Definitely not a car alarm. Louis: [visibly irritated now] …way less talking.

AND LOUIS TELLS HER TO SHUT UP AGAIN.

Carol: [flying into action] Something’s happening…! Louis: [kicking a stone sullenly] I know, I’m the guy tryna make it happen…! [sighs loudly]

Louis is a classic fucking Nice Guy.

He thinks that because of their recently-rekindled childhood friendship, because he’s listened to her troubles and offered a shoulder to cry on, because he’s finally managed to engineer this romantic moment alone — he’s therefore entitled to Carol’s love. So when Carol keeps pulling away from his increasingly pushy advances, she’s the one being unfair — he’s trying so hard to “make it happen” and she’s not giving him anything in return!

The fact that he’s whining about Carol not reciprocating literally as she leaps into superhero mode and flies to investigate a potential threat makes this particularly laughable, but there are no circumstances in which this behaviour is okay.

In every panel, Carol is sending clear signals that she wants to stop or slow down, and Louis responds by trying to pressure her into doing what he wants — first by shushing her, then by belittling her for talking too much, and finally by sulking and blaming her.

AGAIN. THIS IS THE MAIN ROMANTIC INTEREST IN THIS BOOK. CAROL IS SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM. WE ARE SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM.

WHAT THE F U C K

Carol traces the sound to the family home and realises that it’s coming from the garage. When she gets there, Marie — apparently the only other person who can hear the beeping, is in a frantic state. She’s found the source — the obviously extraterrestrial device Carol found, inadvertently activated and promptly forgot about back in issue 1 — and she’s super worked up about it.

“It shouldn’t be here! […] It wasn’t his. I don’t even know why he kept it… this piece of junk…”

Okay so first of all, you do know why he kept it, that is a lie. Next issue we’ll find out that the device is a beacon through which the Kree military could track and communicate with operatives like Mari-Ell/Marie. When Marie decided to desert the Kree military and commit to raising a family with Joe on Earth, she gave him the beacon as a gesture and they switched it off together.

Obviously he was going to keep it. He wouldn’t have been capable of destroying it and it’s clearly not something you can throw in the bin. Marie could have destroyed it and ensured that it could never be inadvertently switched on — say, by her dumbass daughter — and used to track them both down, but I guess incompetence runs in the family.

Carol asks who the obvious alien technology belonged to if it didn’t belong to Joe, and Marie screeches that “IT BELONGED TO HER!”

Of course, she needs to say that — she has to keep up the pretence that this is all about an imaginary mistress and not about her and Carol being aliens — because Stohl doesn’t want to give away the game yet. But the question is, why would she at this point?

Marie is a deserter and a fugitive from the Kree military. She knows that, were the Kree ever to track her down, she would be summarily executed for treason. She has just discovered that her beacon — the one surefire way the Kree have of locating her — has been activated and is now beeping insistently. Knowing how the military operates, she should know that the Vacuum Kleaner is on its way to kill her and her family, and that it almost certainly has a bead on her location.

(Seems pretty incompetent on the Kree’s part to have an alarm installed in the beacon to let the deserter know an assassin is coming, but as we’ve seen The Mopman Prophecies is a pretty terrible assassin.)

Priority one should be deactivating and/or destroying the beacon.  Priority two should be getting her family secure and preparing Carol in particular for what’s about to go down. Because as deeply selfish as Marie has been to keep lying to her daughter for all these years, surely Marie is more invested in saving her children’s lives than she is in preserving this fiction she’s created.

Well… maybe not. Jury’s still out.

Because rather than doing any of those things, Marie seemingly doesn’t know what to do except freak out and continue to lie when questioned about the beacon.

Carol isn’t much better. She couldn’t see the beacon for the OBVIOUS ALIEN DEVICE that it is before, and even now as it’s beeping at a volume/frequency that is near-deafening to her and her mother and yet completely inaudible to everybody else in town, she still thinks it’s nothing more than a busted old TV remote.

No, the extent of Carol’s deductive reasoning is, ‘THING MAKE MOM SAD. THING BAD. THING GO AWAY NOW.’

Carol: [snatching the beacon] Here— Let’s just get rid of it! [hurls it into the bay several kilometres away]

So this is the point where Marie comes clean, right? She knows it’s only a matter of time before the Kree Khambermaid shows up at their door. She knows that even as they stand here, her children’s lives are in danger. She has to say something, if only to get them somewhere safe.

NOPE. SHE JUST FUCKS RIGHT OFF TO SULK AND TAKE HER FRUSTRATION OUT ON THE DISHES.

JJ asks what upset Marie, and Carol is a shitty liar.

“…nothing. Some broken remote I found in a box of old… um… just some stuff in your closet.”

Again, ZERO curiosity about this ultra-suspicious beeping that only she and her mother could hear.

JJ reveals that he knew about the letters, which kind of stands to reason — the box was in his wardrobe, and it was stored in a very visible, easily accessible spot. (Carol, of course, is taken completely by surprise.)

He adds that, after reading them, he recalled kind of a weird childhood memory.

It was during the summer; the three kids were spending the day on the boat with their uncle while their mother was out of town. They stopped briefly at shore to pick up some more bait, only to see their father canoodling with a mysterious blonde.

Steven: Hey— is that Pops?! What’s he doin’ all the way up there…? JJ: And who’s he doin’ it to?! Steven: Uh… I’ll tell ya when you’re my age. Beans, don’t look! Carol: Huh? [Joe and Marie start to levitate off the ground]

Things that are stupid about this:

Marie is a deserter from the Kree military. If the Kree Empire were alerted to her presence on Earth, they would send somebody to kill her and take her daughter away. Donning fancy alien clothes and flaunting her superpowers in full view of the harbour is idiotically reckless and endangers her entire family.

AN ALIEN HAS JUST LIFTED UP THEIR FATHER AND LEVITATED WITH HIM AND ALL THE KIDS CAN FOCUS ON IS THE FACT THAT THEY’RE KISSING AT THE SAME TIME.

AND LIKE. NOBODY EVER DISCUSSED THIS. JUST LIKE NOBODY EVER DISCUSSED THE FACT THAT THEIR SISTER COULD OUTRUN A FREIGHT TRAIN WITHOUT BREAKING A SWEAT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS FAMILY.

oh and can we talk about the fact that Carol saw this. Carol, who dreams of visiting the stars. CAROL, whose childhood bedroom is wallpapered with NASA and Star Wars posters. C A R O L, who has craved flight since before she could walk.

CAROL SUSAN JANE DANVERS SAW A MYSTERIOUS ALIEN WOMAN FLYING WITH HER DAD AND THEN IMMEDIATELY FORGOT ABOUT IT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

Also, though it’s less important, the dialogue has gone askew here. Steven’s “I’ll tell ya when you’re my age” is clearly meant to brush off a question about the canoodling. But it was Steven who asked about the canoodling — the question from JJ that he’s responding to is ‘who’s the lady?’, which of course neither of the brothers knows.

So the exchange should either read,

JJ: Hey— is that Pops?! What’s he doin’ all the way up there…? And what’s she doin’ to him?! Steven: Uh… I’ll tell ya when you’re my age.

Or,

Steven: Hey— is that Pops?! Who’s the lady? JJ: And what’s she doin’ to him?! Steven: Uh… I’ll tell ya when you’re my age.

But also, it shouldn’t be either of those things, because what they really ought to be talking about is OMFG THOSE PEOPLE ARE FLYING.

“And I was right there? I— I really must have buried that memory.”

Really? We’re gonna do suppressed memories, now? That’s where you wanna go with this?

I mean, it’s possible it could have slipped her mind somewhere in between the two complete memory wipes she’s suffered over the course of her superhero career, but short of that, there is no earthly reason why Carol would not recall seeing an actual alien hovering in front of her face.

Carol goes to talk to Marie about the histrionics in the garage and they take a walk down to the pier together.

Carol: So… what was that device in Pops’ stuff? I tried to open it but couldn’t make heads or tails of the thing. Marie: Carol, it’s not just… that thing you found. It’s time I told you the truth… though I promised your father I never would.

Really, Carol? That’s the question you want to ask? Not ‘why was Dad canoodling with aliens?’ Not ‘why did Dad have an extraterrestrial device among his possessions?’ Not ‘how come you and I are the only ones who heard that thing?’

So, a few things happen at this point.

Having decided that with lives on the line, she can no longer avoid telling Carol the truth, Marie… continues to avoid telling the truth, procrastinating by talking vaguely around her relationship with Joe and her decision to keep the family together. Can’t take it too quickly, or she might actually reveal something of value before the Janitor arrives to kill them all.

But Room Service is taking its time, and Marie is running out of steam. If something doesn’t happen soon, she and her daughter might be forced to have a necessary and productive conversation!

It’s all on Carol now. Only she can save us from a devastating outbreak of basic competence!

Marie: Carol? Carol: [wheeze] I can’t— [wheeze] Marie: What is it? Are you okay? Carol: [swoons] Marie: Carol! Carol: [HYPERVENTILATES HER WAY FACE FIRST INTO A GODDAMN LAKE]

Okay, but who in the hell read this script and saw this artwork and didn’t think that everybody involved with this comic was about to make massive fools of themselves?

Wait, never mind, I just googled it, and the editor on this book is the same person who edited America. That... absolutely checks out.

There’s a page of Carol sinking dramatically through the water, unable to get her body to move, before Marie dives to her rescue. They both collapse on the dock, exhausted, just in time for the beeping to begin again.

In town, all hell is breaking loose. Turns out Carol’s ‘out of sight, out of mind’ approach to the Kree beacon? Not a great plan. After being flung into the bay, the device wound up being scooped up in a fishing net and brought right back into town, which is where Tide Pod’s drone has located it. The drones are now exploding everything in sight.

Louis tries to slow it down by hurling some sick burns: “Hey you! Sir Splodesalot! … Hey! Baby Death Star Head!”

Carol arrives on the scene and asks if anybody is hurt, and Louis immediately starts whining that she didn’t show up sooner.

Carol: Louis! Everyone okay?! Louis: What’s the use of this place being the “summer home to a super hero” if you’re not gonna come when we’re being [attacked?]

He’s skating very close to having an actual point, because this entire situation is Marie and Carol’s fault. However, this is also the dude who, mere hours ago, lost his shit when Carol prioritised saving lives over a make-out session. You don’t get to demand she ignore a distress call one minute and then complain that she didn’t respond fast enough the next.

Also, you’re the ones who slapped Captain Marvel’s brand on your town and your donuts, not her. You fuckers are lucky the Avengers haven’t come after you for trademark infringement.

A cloud of drones descends on Main Street. They immediately go for Carol, so she takes to the sky with the plan of luring them away and exploding them high above the town.

But first, a quick detour to needlessly endanger her family and tackle her mother to the ground.

After destroying the drones, Carol returns in time for Clorox to arrive and—

what the hell man, why did you decide to nude up for this?!

And finally, the reveal we’ve all been dreading.

Marie/Mari-Ell: …she’s here for me. Carol: Ma?!?!

(Small detail, but dudes, let your letterer do their job. They’re not just your friggin typist. You want to emphasise Carol’s shocked exclamation, the letterer can do that by playing with fonts, sizing, colour and speech bubbles. You don’t need to vomit out interrobangs like a seven-year-old who’s just discovered punctuation.)

anyway yes this book is a nightmare.

[dracusfyre]

Square R3: A Cinderella Story

Rating: M

Warnings: None

Relationship: Tony/Bucky

Tags: Modern Cinderella story; based on the tween movie; not the fairy tale

Summary: Tony Stark comes home from his parents' funeral to find out that both he and Stark Industries were on the brink of bankruptcy. After months of slaving away trying to save his family's company, he decides to let himself have one night of fun at a masked ball to benefit military veterans. 

Bucky Barnes doesn't know much about the sexy stranger from the masked ball, except that his name is Tony and he has an ass that makes him want to get on his knees and give thanks. When he ends up with the man's cell phone at the end of the night, he hopes that this will give him a chance to learn more.

Link to AO3

@tonystarkbingo​  I finally have BINGOOOOOOO!  All of the R column, whoo!

Chapter 1: Clock Strikes Midnight

       Tony groaned and rubbed his eyes, leaning back against the couch which, like the floor and the coffee table and almost every other available source, was covered with papers from his parents’ estate.  This particular stack was Howard’s R&D pipeline, a bunch of designs that were fascinating, brilliant, and entirely impractical.

       “This is just like those goddamn flying cars,” Tony said aloud to the room.  “Flashy but ultimately a waste of money.  Goddammit, Dad, what in the hell were you thinking?”  He stared at one of the missile designs that would have been groundbreaking if the necessary propulsion, you know, existed.  Flipping through the paperwork, he saw that somehow Stark Industries had spent 25 million dollars developing a missile that couldn’t fly.  He put that in the “what the fuck” pile, which was already way higher than it should be, and dug out the next folder.  This one, excitingly, turned out to be pages and pages of coordinates that had been crossed through; when Tony looked them up on his laptop, they were all locations in the Arctic Circle.  Stuffed in with them were yellowing receipts from a charter boat company in Newfoundland, Canada, spaced out over years.  Tony sighed and set that one in the trash pile. “You and your stupid quests,” he muttered, and picked up the next file.  Tax receipts from 1976, it looked like.

       Joy.

       “Hello?” Tony jerked awake, dislodging a stack of papers from his lap, as a voice called out from the front door.  “I knocked, but…”

       Tony scrubbed a hand over his face and went to the door.  “Can I help you?” He asked when he saw the intruder, a tall, willowy woman in a stylish but off the rack suit, red hair up in a chignon.

       “Mr. Stark?” She asked, and when Tony nodded she held out her hand. “I’m Virginia Potts, from Stark Industries.  I was sent here to help you sort out your parent’s estate.” When Tony shook her hand, she squeezed it lightly with a soft look in her eyes before letting it go.  “I’m sorry for your loss,” and when she said it Tony’s throat got tight from the sincerity and sympathy in her tone.

       He just nodded and avoided her eyes as he gestured for her to come inside. “So what, are you the CFO?” he asked, clearing his throat.

       “Um, no,” she said, tucking a few stray strands of hair behind her ear.  She came to a sudden stop when she saw the chaos in Tony’s living room.  “But I do work for him.”

       “So, a vice president or something?”  Tony started gathering up papers from the arm chair to make a place for her to sit.

       “No.”

       He stilled and glanced up at her.  “Then what in the hell was your job?”

       “I’m an auditor.  Was an auditor,” she amended. “Now I’m your personal assistant.” She forced a bright smile as she glanced around the room.  “Where should we start?”

       “Well, aren’t you peppy,” Tony said sourly as he headed to the well-stocked liquor cabinet, which had been the only saving grace of the whole situation.  “You know you got sent here as a punishment, right?  This isn’t a promotion.  You’re going to die here with me, buried under decades of paperwork.”

       “I’m sure that’s an exaggeration,” she said.  “This doesn’t look so bad.  Now that there’s two of us…” she faltered in the face of Tony’s flat stare.

       “Follow me,” he said, grabbing his glass of whiskey.  Ms. Potts followed him through the echoing halls of the mansion to the garage, and when he turned on the lights she gasped.  There were boxes stacked as high as her head all along the wall of the garage and between the flashy, expensive cars.  There was no way to get to the far end of the room without literally crawling on top of the cars.  “Research notes, correspondence, tax documents and other financial instruments…all from the past three decades of my parents’ life.  Stark Industries is drowning in debt,” he said honestly, “and so am I.  I need to go through this and find out where all of our money went and if there’s anything left so that I don’t have to declare bankruptcy.”

       “Oh my God,” she said faintly.

       “Yeah.”

       They contemplated the overwhelming pile of boxes in silence for a while before Ms. Potts raised her chin and said, “Then I guess we better get started.”

                                                             ***

       Three months later, Tony made the mistake of telling Obie that they were almost done going through the boxes in the garage. He smiled and congratulated them, and then a week later a box truck was beeping loudly as it backed up into the garage.

       “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Pepper said as she watched the delivery men carrying more boxes of paperwork, stacking them chest high in the garage.

       “I hate my life,” Tony said, already heading for the liquor cabinet.

                                                            ***

       Tony rubbed his eyes, which felt like they were going cross-eyed from reading so many bullshit financial projections. “I gotta get out of this goddamn house,” Tony said, tossing the file on the stack for the burn pile, which was already big enough to probably require a permit from the fire marshal.

       “Are you sure?” Pepper said doubtfully.  She lowered the lid of her laptop so she could see Tony.   “It doesn’t really seem like this is the time for partying.  The investors need –“

       “The investors need to mind their own goddamn business for just one night.” Tony rolled his shoulders and massaged the back of his neck, trying to get his headache to ease off.  “I haven’t had a day – or night – off since Mom and Dad died.  I think I’ve earned at least a few hours with people who aren’t associated with Stark Industries.”

       “Sure, I guess so.” Pepper put down her pen and stretched.  “So where are you going to go?”

       Tony got up and dug through the junk drawer in the kitchen, where he’d put all the invitations to parties and fundraisers and galas that kept streaming in even though he’d yet to attend any of them.   He had no money to spend on new clothes and too much pride to go out and listen to people gossip about why he was wearing something from last year’s designer.   He tossed out all of the ones that were expired but lingered over one of three invitations for this evening.  “How about this?” he suggested, handing her a glossy stock card.

       “Fundraiser costume ball,” Pepper read.  “Proceeds to benefit disabled military veterans.”

       “I could wear a mask,” Tony pointed out. “The gossip rags and therefore the investors would never know I was there.”

       “That’s true.  But tickets are $500 a person,” she said, showing him the fine print at the bottom of the invite, “and you need a costume.”

       “But they take donations for the charity auction in lieu of cash,” Tony called out over his shoulder, already heading for his parents’ rooms, which he still hadn’t gotten around to boxing up yet.  “I can give them one of Dad’s watches or Mom’s antiques or something.  As for a costume, let me introduce you to my attic…”

       “I may have made a terrible mistake,” Tony said faintly when they walked into the main hall where everyone was gathered, mingling and eating the hors d’oeuvres.  Pepper coughed trying to cover her laugh, because she knew exactly what he meant.  Half of the people were wearing a variety of cute or sexy or revealing clothing, but the other half were wearing uniforms, a dignified smattering of dress blues and whites.

       Tony had always had a weakness for a person in a uniform.

       “You can have your fun tonight, Tony – I mean, not too much fun,” she said. “I think the last thing you need right now is to try to juggle a relationship along with everything else.”

       “I know, I know.” Tony adjusted his Venetian mask, one of many from his mother’s collection, and took a deep breath.  “I’ll behave.  Just a few drinks, a little chit chat with a handsome military guy, and I’ll go home and get back to the grindstone in the morning.”

       “Good plan.” Pepper was also wearing a mask, along with a beaded and embroidered gown, both stolen from his Mom’s closet.   Tony was wearing the deep burgundy and black tuxedo he’d worn to his prom, which Pepper had assured him still looked great, especially with the simple black-and-white mask he’d found.  “You have until midnight, remember? That’s what we agreed.”

       “Yes, Mom. I mean, ma’am,” Tony said, smiling at the glare he got from Pepper. He gestured with his phone.  “I set an alarm to remind me in case I start having too much fun.”

       “And if you have a hangover in the morning, I’m not going to have any mercy on you,” she warned.

       Tony turned to face her, taking her hands and kissing the back of them.  “Don’t worry about me.  You’re supposed to be having a good time too, you know.”

       Pepper took a deep breath and smoothed the look of worry from her face, replacing it with a smile.  “You’re right. I will.”

       “Too many handsome men and beautiful ladies here to be so stressed.”

       “Exactly.” Pepper’s eyes flickered over his shoulder and when she looked back at Tony, her smile widened.  “One of them already noticed you.”

       “Yeah?” Tony smothered the urge to look over his shoulder.  “Who?”

       “Dark hair, blue eyes, lips that look like sin and one of those dimples in his chin but in a cute way.  Army uniform with one sleeve pinned, has been staring at your butt since we came in.” She straightened his tie and picked a piece of lint off his lapel. “By the bar. Go get ‘em, tiger.”

       “You’re the best.” He grinned and kissed her on her cheek.  As he turned towards the bar he saw the man Pepper had been talking about, leaning against the bar and watching him with unabashed interest.

       Pepper was right.  The man’s mouth really did look like sin, especially as he bit his lip and looked away when he realized he’d been caught staring.  So Tony did a little staring of his own, taking in the shoulders that filled out the blue dress jacket and the long, long legs, made longer by the stripe on the side of his pants.  As Pepper mentioned, the left sleeve was pinned up close to the shoulder, but the man’s right hand was cradling a glass of champagne, looking strong and capable against the delicate glass stem.  

       He only had a few hours until midnight, so he was going to be damned if he was going to waste time being coy. He made his way to the bar, not even being shy as he pushed his way close to the guy, who was still trying to pretend that he hadn’t been staring. “Hello, Sergeant Sexy,” Tony said, praying he read the man’s rank correctly. “Is this spot taken?”

       The man’s eyes lit up when he saw Tony.  This close, Tony could tell that Pepper had been wrong about his eyes, which were a beautiful gray instead of blue.  “Hello, Mysterious and Handsome,” the man returned, moving over to give Tony a little more room. “Sergeant James Barnes, at your service.  Can I buy you a drink?”

       Tony struggled not to smile.  “Isn’t it an open bar?” He pointed out.

       “Yeah, but I’ll pay the tip,” Sergeant Sexy said generously.

       Tony couldn’t help himself. “Just the tip?”

       “No, I’ll put in however much you want,” he promised, lips twitching as he set his glass down to reach for his wallet.  “I’ll give you everything I’ve got.”

       “And how much is that?”

       “More than enough,” he said as he gave Tony a broad wink.  “At least, I’ve never had any complaints.”

       “Good to know.” Tony stuck out his hand.  “I’m Tony, and I’ll take a glass of champagne, if it’s any good.”

       “Well, it’s no Dom Perignon but it didn’t come out of a box,” the man said, shaking his hand.  His palms were warm and slightly rough, grip firm.  It felt good enough in Tony’s own hand that he was reluctant to let go.  “And my friends call me Bucky.”

       “Pleasure to meet you, Bucky.”  Tony accepted his drink from the bartender, thanking her with a smile, and watched as Bucky tucked a five into the tip box.  “So what do you do?” Tony asked, moving out of the way of the next person in line.

       “I’m a professional baseball player,” Bucky said with a straight face.  Tony stared at him blankly, trying to imagine how one would swing a bat one handed, before he noticed the glint in Bucky’s eye.

       “Interesting,” Tony said, taking a sip of champagne.  “So are you a pitcher or catcher?”

       That made Bucky choke on his drink and it was a few moments before he could laugh without coughing.  “Smooth,” he finally managed.

       “I’m surprised you don’t get that all the time.”

       “Well last time I said massage therapist-”

       “Because you don’t have any problems getting people to get naked and lay down for you?” Tony said without missing a beat.

       “-and before that it was HVAC technician.”

       Tony nodded wisely.  “I can believe that you would like helping people out once you get them all hot and bothered.”

       “That’s a good one,” Bucky said in admiration.  “I didn’t think anyone could make air conditioning sexy, but you managed.”

       “Are you kidding? Air conditioning is sexy all by itself.  What’s better than getting all hot and sweaty and the stretching out across the bed naked to cool off?”

       “Hot showers,” Bucky returned immediately.  “Swimming pools.”

       “When you’re right, you’re right,” Tony allowed.  “Next time your job could be pool boy.”

       Bucky gestured to his mostly missing left arm.  “Unfortunately, I don’t think I’d look good enough in a swimsuit to qualify for that.”

       Tony raised his eyebrow and his gaze raked Bucky from head to toe.  Then, keeping his eyes steady on Bucky’s, he threw his napkin over Bucky’s shoulder.  Bucky rolled his eyes but obediently bent over to pick it up, letting Tony get a good look of his ass in his dress pants.  “Oh I doubt that,” Tony said in a low voice when Bucky straightened and handed him back his napkin, “but if you’d feel self-conscious about it, I would build a pool in my back yard and keep you all to myself.”

        “A kept man, huh,” Bucky said, and was he blushing? “Flattering.  I’ll keep it in mind. So what do you do?”

       Tony grimaced, playful mood deflating a little, and took a sip of his drink.  “I work too much for a bunch of ungrateful assholes. I mean, I own my own company, but the shareholders are real bastards.”

       "I know what you mean.  Well, not about shareholders, but working for assholes." Bucky held out his hand and said, "Wanna complain all about it while we dance?"

       "Oh, boy, would I." Tony set his drink down on a small table tucked between a pillar and a ficus tree so he could put his hand in Bucky's.  To his surprise, Bucky paused for a moment, listening to the beat of the music, and then whisked Tony onto the dance floor, seamlessly stepping into the slow waltz that the orchestra was playing.  "Oh, is this how it is?" Tony asked, eyebrows raised.

       "Yep," Bucky said with a smile. It took Tony a moment to kick his instinct to lead and instead follow Bucky's guidance as he wove them around the other dancers.  As they danced, Tony was level with Bucky's mouth and could see the slight darkening of Bucky's five o'clock shadow along his jaw; he wanted to press his lips to it, feel the slight stubble against his skin, but instead he dragged his gaze up to look over Bucky's shoulder when he realized he'd been staring.  He swallowed thickly, suddenly aware of how long it'd been since he'd been this close to someone.

       "I hope this doesn't come out insulting, but you seem really young to have shareholders," Bucky commented, breaking Tony's thoughts.  He raised his hand to guide Tony into a spin before bring him back in close.  "Are you one of those young prodigy types?"

      "It's my Dad's company," Tony said, lengthening his stride to match Bucky's as he maneuvered them around another couple.   "He died recently, and I, uh, found out he wasn't as good a businessman as I'd always thought, so." He shrugged, trying to choke down the bitterness that welled up at the thought.  After his parents’ funeral, when the hammer had dropped that Stark Industries was struggling on the brink of bankruptcy, Tony’s own plans - his whole life really - had gone up in smoke.  "I spend almost all of my time these days trying to clean up his mess."

       “Sorry to hear that,” Bucky said sympathetically.  The waltz ended and turned into something slower, so Bucky moved them to the edge of the dance floor and put his hand on Tony's waist, letting their waltz turn into more of a sway.  Tony went with it, looping his hands around the back of Bucky's neck, fingers brushing the short hairs there.  Bucky's woodsy cologne made him want to lean in closer. “So you’re, what, a princess locked away in a tower, slaving away under your cruel stepmother? And tonight you ran away to the ball?”

        “I think you’re mixing your fairy tales up a bit, but pretty much,” Tony said ruefully.  Bucky's fingers were moving in small circles on his waist, and it was incredibly distracting in the best way.  Tony retaliated by raking his fingernails down the nape of Bucky's neck, relishing Bucky's sharp inhale and the way his eyes grew darker as they met Tony's.  

       “Well, obviously I’m no expert, but in most fairy tales I think there’s a curse that can only be lifted by a kiss from a handsome prince,” Bucky said, voice rough.

       “Oh yeah?” Tony had to bite his lip to keep from smiling.  “I have been feeling rather cursed lately.”

       Bucky's eyes fell to Tony's mouth and he licked his lips. “I’d be glad to offer my services, if you think it will help.”

       “Very generous of you. It can’t hurt to try, right?”

       “My thoughts exactly.”

       Tony glanced around the room, which had, if possible, gotten even more crowded.  “So are you going to invite me somewhere a little more private?”

       Bucky pulled away and laced his fingers in Tony’s. “I know just the place.”

       “I hope it’s a coat closet,” Tony said as he followed Bucky through the crowd.  “I’ve always wanted to make out in a coat closet.”

       “Yeah, but people always get walked in on.  Where I have in mind is better.”  It only took two turns before the muted rumbled of the crowded ballroom faded away, but the hallways weren’t quite deserted.  They walked for a few more minutes before Bucky finally stopped.

       “A bathroom?” Tony said incredulously, seeing the discrete sign on the door.

       “You have to check out this bathroom,” Bucky promised as he opened the door.  Sure enough, as he hustled Tony inside Tony had to admit that it was a good spot.  This was one of those restrooms that for some reason had a sitting room attached, with a fancy oriental carpet on the marble tile floor and couches that looked more fancy than comfortable.  The stalls and sinks could barely be seen through a curtain on the other side of the room.

       Tony turned around and laughed when he saw Bucky moving one of the couches in front of the door.  “I like the way you think,” he said as he helped pull it into place so they couldn’t be interrupted.

       “I like you,” Bucky said simply, sitting down and patting the space beside him.  “Join me?”

       Tony smiled.  “I’ve got a better seat in mind,” he murmured, and climbed into Bucky’s lap, kneeling over him.  “Is this okay?”

       “More than,” he murmured, making a noise deep in his chest as Tony settled his weight on Bucky’s thighs.  “Am I going to get to see your face?” He asked, cupping Tony’s jaw with his hand and tracing Tony’s cheek at the edge of the mask with his thumb.

       Tony hmmmed thoughtfully and started to loosen his tie.  “You know, I’m really enjoying this mysterious stranger vibe I’ve got going on,” he said, when what he really meant was I like not being Tony Stark for a while and I don’t want to ruin it. He held up his tie and said, “Do you mind?”

       Bucky shrugged.  “If it would make you feel more comfortable,” he said, fingers moving to trace the outline of Tony’s lips.  “But, um, I gotta ask – this isn’t because you’re married or anything, right?”

       “No, nothing like that, I promise,” Tony said, turning his head slightly to kiss Bucky’s fingers.  “I’m just not ready to have the fairy tale be over yet.”  At Bucky’s slight nod he draped the tie over Bucky’s eyes, tying it behind his head.  When he was sure that Bucky couldn’t see, he untied his mask and set it on the couch.  Bucky’s hand had drifted down to Tony’s chest, palm flat over his sternum; Tony wanted to lean into the warm weight of it, greedy for more.

       He framed Bucky’s face in his hands and leaned down to brush his lips over Bucky’s, feeling Bucky’s soft sigh wash over his skin at the light contact.  Bucky let his head fall back against the couch, seemingly content to let Tony set the pace.  His hand smoothed over Tony’s ribs to his back, stroking up and down Tony’s spine as he pressed light kisses to Bucky’s mouth.

       “It’s been so long since I’ve had something like this,” Bucky said softly, breath feathering against Tony's cheek.

       “Me, too.”  Tony suddenly wished he could see Bucky’s eyes, tempted to take the risk that Bucky would recognize him just for the chance to feel the sense of connection.  “It’s like I’ve been drowning for months and this is my first breath of air.”  

       “I haven’t been with anyone since I lost my arm,” Bucky confessed.  “Guys on the dating scene don’t seem to be thrilled about going out with a disabled veteran. And the ones that are…” Bucky shrugged.  “They’re all weird about it.”

       Tony snorted and kissed the corner of Bucky’s mouth. “The world is full of idiots and cowards.  They must not have ever spoken to you.”

       “No, that part was all you.” Bucky turned his head, chasing Tony’s mouth. “You’re easy to talk to, you make me feel charming.”

       “Well, you’re my Prince Charming,” Tony said, and slanted his lips over Bucky’s. When Tony’s tongue came out to trace over the softness of Bucky’s lower lip, Bucky groaned and opened his mouth, chasing Tony’s tongue with his own.  His hand tightened on Tony’s back, pulling him closer, making Tony moan when he realized Bucky was hard.  He rocked against him, chasing the intoxicating pressure as Bucky’s tongue curled against his own, tasting faintly of champagne.

       “Jesus,” Bucky said with a gasp, fingers curling to rake down Tony’s back. He huffed out a laugh.  “I want to touch you all over but I only have one goddamn hand,” he complained.

       Tony put his hand over Bucky’s and moved it down to cup his ass.  “You can start here, if you want,” he said with a smile.  “Since you were staring at it earlier.”

       “I couldn’t help myself.” Bucky squeezed the rounded muscle under his hand. “Rarely have I seen a more perfect ass. These thighs, too.”

       Tony’s laugh at that was a little breathless, because Bucky had moved his hand around to Tony’s hip, thumb stroking the inside of his thigh and making his blood sing. “Not fair,” he said, acutely aware of the place where Bucky kept idly stroking, teasingly close to where Tony’s erection was pressing against the front of his pants. He tugged at the thick fabric of Bucky’s dress jacket. “You might as well be wearing body armor.”

       “Not everywhere,” Bucky said with a sly grin, pulling Tony down as he thrust his hips up.  Tony bit back a gasp as the sensation of Bucky’s hardness against his own made his head spin. He felt his eyelids slide lower, getting drunk on the sensation as he rocked against Bucky. He pressed kisses to Bucky’s cheek, along the edge of the makeshift blindfold, before he found Bucky’s lips again.  Bucky made a sound deep in his chest and his hand came up to cradle Tony’s head, fingers burying themselves in his thick hair, and held him still while he ravaged his mouth. For long minutes Tony's world narrowed to the warm glide of their lips and tongues, Bucky's hand on his body and the feel of his short, silky hair against his fingers, the tempting muscles and hardness between Tony's thighs.

       Then a shrill beeping split the soft silence, making both of them jump.

       “Goddammit,” Tony cursed against Bucky’s mouth, pulling away to find his phone.

       “What’s that for?” Bucky said as soon as the alarm was silenced.  Tony fumbled for his mask, sliding it on so that he could uncover Bucky’s eyes.

       “I gotta go,” Tony said regretfully as he stood, trying to fix his clothes so he didn’t look too disheveled from Bucky's wandering hand.  “I promised a friend we would leave at midnight.”

       “I’m sorry to hear that.”  Bucky got to his feet as well and tilted Tony’s chin up one more time to press a lingering kiss on his lips.  “Am I going to see you again? So to speak?”

       Tony paused, torn.  Pepper had been absolutely right when she said he didn’t have the time or resources for a relationship right now, but Bucky was hot and sweet and funny and looking at him with so much hope in those beautiful gray eyes.

       “I can’t make any promises,” he said finally.  “But I do want to, so I’ll try, ok?”

       “I understand,” Bucky said with a sad smile. He dug out a  from his pocket, jotted down his cell phone number, and tucked it into Tony’s jacket.  “My number is on there if you want it.”

       Bucky watched Tony hustle out the door, tie still askew, and went to the mirrors to make sure his uniform was still regulation and his medals were straight.  As he pushed the couch back to where it belonged, he felt his foot hit something on the floor.

       “Uh oh,” he said, picking up Tony’s phone. Guess I’ll be seeing you again after all, he thought, feeling a bit guilty about how happy the prospect made him.

[dofuuu]

Yay!!! You're finally doing one of these ask things :D Here you go my fren: ⛵️ 🙅 👾 🃏 😕 🔍 Indulge me with your fandom goodness~~♡

aaaaaaa!!! thank you!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!

⛵️ Fave pirate ship? (like boat ship)

the thousand sunny is such a cool ship because the straw hats have a talented one-of-a-kind shipwright!!! thanks to extremely powerful cannons that propel air, the sunny can be shot up into the air, and it houses a small row-boat, a mini-submarine, and the lion figurehead can shoot out a cool laser!! there are other features that i can’t recall atm, but the thousand sunny is such a magnificent ship!!! :’D

🙅Least favourite Straw Hat?

i love all the straw hats !! but i preface this by saying that i don’t dislike him, but i do dislike one aspect of sanji. he acts like a pervert sometimes, and that can be kind of annoying to watch… but then again, he’s never one to lay a finger on or threaten a woman.

he’s characterized as a chivalrous man, but sometimes he sees some boobies and goes absolutely fuckin nuts (but again, still, he wouldn’t dare cause any harm or ever touch a woman in an inappropriate sense)

sanji’s character has a lot of depth though and there’s really so much more to him than what i’ve mentioned here !!! i like him, however; i will admit that he wouldn’t be in my personal top 10 one piece characters list

 👾Fave villain?

katakuri!! i really loved him in one of the most recent arcs: he’s the second son of an emperor, and his whole entire family– as well as the people who are governed under his mother’s rule– views him as “the perfect man”. he is very strong, trained himself so well that he can sense incoming dangers well in advance, he doesn’t need to eat, and he never lets his guard down and so, he does not lay down at all… or so they think.

although it might seem like it, in actuality, he is not the man people portray him as. there is a tiny flaw that would be enough to denounce him, to elicit scornful remarks from the same people that would readily bow at his feet, and that would be the appearance of his jaw (which he tries to hide with a scruffy scarf-like covering). as well, he never dares to eat anything in front of other people for the fear that even his family would hate him, even going so far as to kill anyone that accidentally sees his jaw. holding a person up to such a high, god-like pedestal can be so damaging, which is why he is a very relatable villain. 

he is also not a heartless fighter– when he fought and was subsequently defeated by luffy, there was honour in the battle. at one point, he was assisted by one of his sisters, but he found the idea of cheating in a battle disgusting and refused to accept her help, despite being evenly matched and already bruised and battered while fighting luffy at the time.

at his very core, katakuri is a very decent man; he cares for and does his best to protect his siblings, but he was forced into this absurd title of being “perfect”. let the man lay down, eat donuts, and enjoy his life like he wants to ffs!!!

🃏 Who has the Best Hat? (the true question)

this is so hard!!! i was torn between ace’s (symbolism), law’s (tbh… character bias) and luffy’s but i’ll have to go with luffy’s !!! so, Best Hat is luffy’s Straw Hat!!! :D

luffy’s hat didn’t start off as just being his: this hat once belonged to no other than the “pirate king” himself!! a man named shanks came into possession of this hat – that was at one point in time, donned by the most notorious pirate to sail the seas– who then gave the hat to luffy!! 

as a side note, shanks is like luffy’s father; although not tied by blood, he was a man that he looked up and greatly aspired to be while being friendly and joking around with him (i wouldn’t be surprised if shanks made dad jokes at one point haha)

how cool is it to wear the priceless hat of the pirate king himself while also on a mission to become the next pirate king?!?!?! ‘cause i think that that’s fucking amazing!!! >:O

😕Scariest character?

big mom a.k.a charlotte linlin is so scary. holy shit man

she is katakuri’s mother and linlin can decimate entire countries with the massive power and strength she possesses at her disposal. she has a power that can bring inanimate objects to life– like a tree, or a wooden door- making the territory that she has control over a creepy place where even the flowers would sing and eerie tune happily over your dying body, were you to be trapped there as an unwelcome guest. 

linlin is largely motivated by her hunger cravings, which can have fatal effects on her own cities!! she’ll massacre innocent populations and her own children if it means that she will be given the sweet dessert that she wishes to taste for the moment. there is not a hint of regret at her actions in the aftermath, either.

her childhood is the most fucked up thing, let me tell you!! she was abandoned by her parents for her unruly behaviour, and the damage she caused from her large size and physical strength (in the one piece world, people can be so huge or so small– just as a child, linlin was the size of both her normal-sized fully grown adult parents).

she was soon taken in by a lady that she would soon call “mother carmel”. mother carmel also fostered many other children under her care, and everything was going well at the time: mother carmel treated the children nicely, and they were one large family. however, linlin’s inability to suppress her own strength and hunger cravings were still prevalent at this time as well. hell, even at such a young age, she was rampaging through a village on the island they were all on.

on linlin’s 6th birthday, mother carmel and the rest of her new-found family held a birthday feast for linlin !! but that was the biggest mistake that mother carmel could have made.

in her moments of overwhelming bliss and euphoria, linlin devoured not only the delicious sweets, but her mother and friends as well, despite their agonizing screams of panic and confusion– begging her to stop, but their cries did not reach her ears.

after the horrifying and gruesome scene, and after linlin came to her senses, she did not even suspect a single thing to be wrong or out-of-place, other than the fact that no one was with her celebrating her birthday anymore. she cried out for her family, but not one responded. they were gone. did they abandon her like her original parents? where did they go? why did they leave?

she loved them all dearly– especially mother carmel, even after their sudden disappearance. she loved her so much that decades later in the future, the most valuable thing that this now-emperor treasures is a simple photo of her.

if that story wasn’t messed up enough, let me tell you a little more. mother carmel was not just a kind old lady with the aim to provide the children she adopted with a happy future. no, she was actually a child trafficker. her main mission at the time was to raise and sell linlin to the world government military so that they can use her as a weapon, to further gov’t power. far less people would be inclined to opposed gov’t orders if threatened by this monster that could easily decimate an entire population. the world gov’t has seriously corrupt bastards running it if they would be willing to buy children……….. away from the public eye, of course.

years upon years later after linlin’s 6th birthday, she still doesn’t know that the person she adored the most in her life was a woman that just wanted to sell her.

or that she ate her, for that matter.

so yeah!! linlin’s scary because she causes so much destruction and grief and  she was never taught right from wrong or how to control herself, and so, she ends up being a whirlwind of chaos (with a super fucked up past)

🔍 What do you think the One Piece is?

ohhh that’s a super hard question ;^; i’m not the best person to ask for this since i lack creativity, but we will most certainly learn about the world history once the straw hats discover the one piece !!! there is a period in time that is titled “the void century” wherein no surviving history book contains any details about these years. the world gov’t hides any information regarding this century, but no one knows– save for a select few if i recall correctly– what happened. it will involve the clan of D (families that were given a middle initial of D for a mysterious reason), but how ?? so many questions and i can’t even fathom the answers @__@