#And it makes me yuck myself lmao

[rosielav]

Wishing desperately I could be normal about people I enjoy

[theloveinc]

the ideas i'm having right now vs. my ability to express them and myself

[sublimecatgalaxy]

JJ Maybank smut with best friends to lovers? Maybe they get super high and they get into mischief?

UM YES LMAO

"You ever think about banging John B or Pope?" JJ's question makes me choke, the smoke in my lungs quickly expelled- wasted- in an attempt to snap my head to look at JJ, who has a shit eating grin on his face.

"JJ, what?" I squeak, watching him shrug simply as he rests against the back of the drivers seat in the van. I look around, searching for any sign of our friends but there's no movement in John B's shack, just dead silence.

"I'm just asking a question!" JJ whisper yells, holding his hands up in surrender as he blows weed into the air between us. My cheeks warm, hands reaching up to scratch at the back of my neck and I see that JJ's eyes bloodshot and his pupils are blown.

"It's a stupid question." I mutter, taking a hit from my own joint, falling back onto the floor with a groan. JJ watches me with a teasing look as I stretch out on the floor of the van, his eyes flicking down to where my shirt rides up.

"Seriously? You've got no imagination." He chastises with a click of his tongue, head shaking disappointedly at me.

"Shut up!" Smacking him upside the head, he screeches, rolling away from me with a loud laugh. "I have an imagination, they just don't occupy it."

"Lame." He snorts.

"Why lame? Do you think about Kie in that way? Sarah?" I dig but he just pauses, eyes flickering up to the ceiling as he thinks.

"Well-" He laughs, running his fingers through his unruly hair. "I've known Kie since the start of puberty so that's a given."

"You've known me since puberty." His eyes widen briefly at my implication, throat clearing loudly as he sits up abruptly.

"Yeah? And?" He squeaks. "Are you asking me if I've had indecent thoughts about you? Gasp!" He asks and I immediately shake my head, trying to recover from the obvious grave I've dug myself but when a smile cracks across his face, I know he's just messing with me. Thank god. "You act like such a prude sometimes." He shakes his head, peeking past me and up at the Chateau.

"I'm not a prude." I huff, brows furrowed as JJ moves to lay down beside me, nimble fingers holding a joint to my lips. I take his invitation without hesitation, lips wrapping around the tip.

"You lost your virginity to a band geek." He snorts as I take a deep breath, holding it for a moment before blowing it directly into his eyes, his blue orbs snapping shut as curses fly from his lips.

"He was kind of cute." I defend but I know I'm lying through my teeth, remembering the scrawny boy from junior year. He was nice enough and he was very excited to be given an opportunity to even touch a girl, let alone have sex with one.

But yeah, he could've been better looking and he could've lasted a bit longer.

"Uh, no. He wasn't- I'm cute, he's like totally fugly, dude." JJ laughs, forcing the 'cutest' smile he can muster. Reaching out, I pinch his cheeks with a giggle.

"Fine, he wasn't the cutest but..." I trail off, toying with the strings of JJ's hoodie that I wear, tying them and untying them. JJ's brows furrow as he rolls onto his side, propping his head up with the palm of his hand.

"But?"

"I don't know, he was a good kisser. Gentle." I huff, head drooping to the side so I can look up at JJ who just scoffs with a cringed smile.

"Ugh yuck- gentle, how absolutely boring." I know that he means that and that he's not just teasing me- he's always been pretty adamant that 'vanilla sex invites nothing but divorce' or so he claims. He took shots and Pope and Kie when they first got together, urging them to spice up their bedroom life and he did the same to John B and Sarah but there was no helping those two.

"Okay, well at least I'm not a man-whore." He gasps at my attempted insult, feigning offense as he falls onto his back, gripping his chest.

"Ouch! Man-whore- no. I like to call myself femininely inclined." He boasts proudly, sending me a wink that makes my stomach flip.

"More like horizontally reclined."

"And vertically." He whoops, reaching behind to pat himself on the back. A few beats go by, JJ biting at his lip as he looks over at me, looking as if he wants to ask me something. Before I can tell him to spit it out, he speaks. "So you've only had sex with that one guy?"

"Sex- yeah, just the one guy." I nod sternly, biting back a smirk. "I've done other things." I offer vaguely, watching a shocked expression pass across his handsome face, his cheeks blushing gently at the thought.

"Really? I'm your best friend- you gotta indulge me here." He implores breathlessly, scooting ever so close to me.

"You don't tell me all about your sex-capades. How is this fair?"

"What do you wanna know? I'm an open book, cupcake." I grin, clasping my fists under my chin as I look at him, eyes flickering back and forth between his deep blue hues.

"I don't know, uh, ever gone down on a girl?" I ask the first question that pops into my head but it makes him freeze, giddy, proud smile fading as his head drops to rest against the carpet.

"Fuck." He mutters into the carpet.

"What?" I ask, pulling my knees to my chest, facing him.

"No." He sighs, head tilting so his cheek presses into the floor, squished cheeks forcing his lips into a cute pout. His cheeks are red and there's a boyish smile on his lips and for a second, I wonder if he's actually embarrassed. Or flustered?

"You haven't?" His head shakes, pout only deepening as his eyes shut.

"No, but it's like a fucking dream of mine." His voice is deeper than it was moments ago- gravely and tense too- and it causes a shiver to shoot down my spine.

"Seriously?" I ask, breathless and flustered at the thought of him imagining pleasing a girl and having it be on the top of his bucket list. Most guys, I can assume, would rather have something way filthier done to them, but the thought of JJ wanting to do nothing but give is mind blowing.

"Yeah, yeah- I get it. Girls hate going down on a guy but, I don't know dude." He cuts himself off with a groan, running a hand down his face as he returns to staring at the ceiling, biting at his lip. "Has a guy ever gone down on you?" He asks but looks shocked that the words actually leave his lips, blue eyes widening briefly.

"Yeah but it was really fucking bad." I giggle, breaking some of the tension in the small space, an intrigued grin spreading across JJ's lips.

"Why?"

"Didn't know where the clit was- wasn't even in the right place." He bursts out laughing almost immediately, kicking his legs and clapping his hands like a child. I've never told him this before, mostly because I didn't want him to make fun of me but it almost seems like he's making fun with me.

"Guys act like it's hard to miss." JJ snorts and shakes his head in deep disapproval. "Not that hard- and that's coming from a guy who failed human anatomy."

"Cuz guys don't actually take the time to look. Like a simple google search could show you the whole entire pathway of female anatomy. They either think the clit is a magic button or they don't care." I whine, rubbing my hands down my face in frustration just at the memory. "You guys are so easy- you cum and it's not that big of an achievement on our part." I chuckle and I watch JJ groan and adjust himself, rolling back onto his stomach.

"Jesus." He whispers, squeezing his eyes shut tightly and I begin to pick up on what's going on.

"What?" I ask through a prolonged sigh, biting nervously at my lip as JJ reaches down to actually adjust himself. "JJ! Seriously, are you hard?" I giggle, sitting up, spine straight as a board as he whines and hides his face in his hands.

"Please don't make fun of me, I'll cum." His words make me laugh even harder, my chest aching from the giggles that don't seem to stop and he reaches out to smack my bare thigh.

"You started this!" I point at him with an incredulous look, lighting another blunt and holding it to my lips. I take an extra strong hit, closing my eyes to try to wash out all of the inappropriate thoughts filling my mind but they don't seem to go anywhere.

"I need more weed, please and thank you." JJ tries to reach out to take the joint from me but I hold it away from him with raised, teasing brows.

"Nope, it's mine now." I shrug, taking another hit.

"You like to see me suffer? You masochist." He tuts, biceps straining as he lifts himself up onto his arms beside me, head just inches away from my thighs.

"You've got no clue." The words leave me faster than I can control and I almost immediately slap a hand over my mouth.

"I..." He trails off, silencing consuming the empty space around us. I can hear my heartbeat rumbling in my ears and I suddenly feel so exposed under JJ's heated gaze. "This is getting weird." He mutters, throat dry and words come out more ragged than he intended and he clears his throat awkwardly.

"Yeah, weird." I mutter but before I can add anything more, he interrupts my thought process with a shocking question.

"Can I go down on you-"

"JJ!"

"What?!" "It would be a mutual experience." He promises but I pause, jaw slacking and lips parting as words completely and utterly escape me. There's no thoughts in my head, no words on the tip of my tongue, just JJ and the stupid image he's put in my head of him between my thighs.

"I just- wouldn't that be weird?" I ask, actually considering it for a moment, wondering if I could finally have the opportunity to learn why and how JJ gets so many women to get into bed with him.

"Not for me." He shakes his head viciously, chin tilting upwards so he can give me the cutest pair of pleading puppy eyes, lip pouting out as I shove him. "Dude, you're stupid hot."

"No I'm not." I scoff.

"Uh huh, you are." He promises, hand slipping under my thigh so can he lower himself beneath it, slipping effortlessly between my thighs as he rests my leg across his shoulder. I flush at the new position, completely and utterly at his mercy as I swallow roughly, watching him rest his cheek against my bare skin. "C'mon, when was the last time you actually came like really came where you didn't have to do it yourself."

"Never." I respond immediately, throwing caution out the window.

"Fuck, you're killing me here." He whines, tongue slipping out to wet his lips, the eager look in his eyes only growing. "C'mon, let me make you cum- please let me make you cum." All of the air pulls from my lungs, the dumb look on my face only worsening as I try to process his words in real time but I feel like I'm so far away from here.

Maybe it's the weed or maybe it's the way JJ's fingers are inching towards the waistband of my spandex shorts, toying with the edge of it.

"I'll do anything- you want music, I can do that- weed, fuck where's the weed-" He's suddenly scrambling around, knocking things over as he looks for the blunt that I discarded and he doesn't let up until he hears me call out his name. "Show me." He whispers, pressing a shameless kiss to my thigh, a small breathy sigh escaping me at the gentle feeling. "Please."

"You're my best friend, JJ." My words have no weight to them as he motions towards my pants and I give him a firm nod, allowing him to start to pull them down, kissing newly exposed skin with every inch revealed.

"So, let your best friend show you how good he is with his tongue, huh?" I moan freely, reaching up to shove my hands in my face as he discards my shorts but he doesn't look just yet, not daring to break eye contact with me. "Just- here, give me your hand." I do what he says and he helps me slip my fingers into his unruly hair, urging me to give it a simple tug. "Better?" He asks, tugging me further down onto the floor by my hips as he nestles between my legs.

"This is so awkward." I mutter, not bothering to let go of his hair while his lips skim against the sensitive skin of my navel, teasing me with every breath he breathes.

"Just relax. Not like I'm gonna judge you or anything." He promises and I finally look down at him and the look in his eyes is all it takes for me to relax into him a bit, seeing the devotion and the adoration lining his blue eyes.

"You're the king of judgment." I giggle breathlessly.

"Just close your eyes or something." He reaches up to run his fingers teasingly across my face, pulling a snort from me. "Also, maybe be quiet since they're sleeping like twenty feet away." He clicks his tongue towards the house and I nod, legs shaking beside his head as he urges me to bend my knees.

"This is so fucked up." I mutter.

"Are you gonna talk through this whole thing-"

"Do something and maybe I'll shut my mouth." He chuckles against my hip, nipping it playfully as I squeal, giving his hair a firm tug as he moans.

"Yes ma'am." He takes a tentative deep breath before giving in, tongue flattening against my slit as a trying taste, a quiet hum escaping him and he chuckles. "Mmm, you taste salty." He coos, dragging the tip of his pointed tongue up the length of my core just before circling around my clit and I tug on his hair.

"Please don't make me self conscious right now." I chuckle, whole body flushing and trembling under his touch. He wraps his arms firmly around my thighs, holding me to him so he can dive right back in, lapping like he's been deprived of touching me- tasting me.

"Not trying to, I didn't say it was a bad thing." He mutters before freeing one of his hands from holding me, slipping his fingers into his mouth before skimming them along my entrance, watching my every move and motion for any sort of disapproval. When I give him no sign, he slowly slips his fingers into me, moaning loudly as my spine arches up into him. My hand flies from his hair to the ground, fisting the carpet as I use my other hand to muffle my squeals. "Fuck, you are all I'm gonna be craving from now on. Fuck weed, fuck beer." He sounds so sure as he watches his fingers disappear and reappear, carefully curling upwards in a skillful maneuver and I feel it, the uptick of pleasure, the electricity shooting down my legs.

"JJ-"

"What is my form of dirty talk not working for you, sweetheart?" He teases, tongue flattening and moving in quick motions- side to side- against my clit and my head thumps against the floor, hair probably all over the place by now.

"No it is, and I'll cum too quick if you keep talking." I giggle breathlessly, again reaching down to thread my fingers through his hair to ground myself.

"Shut it, you love to hear me talk."

"I do." I admit bashfully, wanting nothing but to let him keep talking but another part of me wants to just shrivel up and die out of embarrassment, wondering how we're going to come back from this- how are we supposed to talk this out? Tell our friends?

"Do you realize how long I've wanted this? Fucking years." JJ's confession eases some of the questions I have running through my head and I don't feel like my heart aches as much as it did before,

"JJ, I-"

"Yeah? You wanted me too?" He asks, hiking my legs further up onto his shoulder as his fingers pick up pace, thrusting in and out of me at an unholy speed, his brows furrowed in concentration.

"Yes, want you so bad." I squirm under his grasp, core tightening around him with ever thrust and it almost makes me want to scream how his fingers just aren't enough.

I want more.

"You've got me. I'm trapped between your thighs, no better position for a man to be in to care for his woman." He grins, sucking my clit between his lips and my jaw drops in a silent moan, lips trembling in pleasure and I feel a lawyer of sweat drench me.

"Your woman?" I ask, propping myself up onto my elbows to look down at him, gasping violently as I chase my high but there's apart of me that can't move on from what he said. His woman?

"Yeah, mine." He growls, blue hues glancing up at me and the look in his eyes is enough to make me cum; pupils blown to high hell and he's looking at me like a predator gazes at a prey.

"Fuck, all yours- I'm gonna cum." Before I can though, he slips his fingers from me, pulling back with a wicked grin and I whine loudly, feeling tears prick at the corner of my eyes.

"Not yet."

"Why?" I whimper and I know I sound pathetic and I wouldn't deny it but I can't find a fuck to give right now as he so close to me but choosing to be so far.

"Cuz I like to make you squirm. This is payback for making fun of my hard-on." He winks, not breaking eye contact as he licks at my clit, not taking his time, not waiting but going full force into trying to make me cum and make me cum hard.

"Wasn't making fun of you. I liked it." I admit, running my hands down my face as I suck in a breath of air. "I want you so bad, JJ." The tears in my eyes finally crack, rolling down my cheeks and he's quick to bat them away from his free hand, other hand brushing across my clit in wide swoops.

"Yeah?"

"I'm cumming- shit." It hits me like a ton of bricks, my body tensing and then trembling against him and I writhe around in his grasp, trying to wiggle away from him but he doesn't let me, just lowers his tongue to my core and tastes me once more.

"Fu-uck." JJ moans, reaching down between him and the floor to adjust himself, palming himself too not so subtly. "Holy fuck, Y/n." He mutters, resting his chin against my thigh as I chuckle, biting my lip and throwing an arm over my eyes.

"Now I'm embarrassed." I mutter and JJ's on it in a minute, handing me his sweatshirt so I can slip it on over my naked body.

"Here- goddamnit." He huffs, running a hand through his hair as he gazes at me, pussy drunk and stoned. I hug myself in his sweatshirt with a coy smile, biting at the corner of my lip before surging forward, pressing my lips to his. "Woah." He mutters into the kiss, hand hesitantly reaching up to cup my cheek.

"All yours, yeah?" I ask, lingering near his lips as I press another few pecks to his lips and he chuckles under his breath.

"All mine."

[banamine-bananime]

one thing that always perplexes me is how often i see takes on tucker where the work positions him as a great dad*, fluent in sangheili language and culture, and most of all, a great diplomat.

i'm not here to yuck anyone's yum and i, too, am absolutely transfixed and enraptured by this man's oscillation between "my one purpose in life is to constantly test the human limits of Annoyingness" and "sudden, shocking extreme competence with no warning" like a little Newton's cradle. like, i just spent 7000 words indulging myself in thinking about a version of tucker that listens a lot more to the "do whatever you gotta to protect the people you love and do what you think is right regardless of what people think" cartoon angel on his shoulder and less to the "that sounds hard i just wanna mouth off, jerk off, fuck off, and negg church" devil. i cannot throw stones and clearly i think that's a fun and valid interpretation of how his character could evolve. but evolve is the keyword there and it baffles me when this gets treated as the fact of how he immediately snapped into being as soon as he had junior, you know?

like. obviously tucker ended up doing some massively impressive shit as an ambassador in sandtrap. but that's because he wasn't being an ambassador, he was being The Final Girl in il/ct's slasher flick. getting trapped in a beseiged temple is, traghilariously, the best thing that could have happened for him in terms of being good at that job. if tucker were a pathfinder character he would have 18s in "dealing with your life suddenly being taken over by ancient alien religion bullshit", "surviving crazy shit through sheer spite and the adrenaline rush of pissing off whatever asshole has made it their life's mission to kill you this time", and "being the only person who knows what fucked up shit is going on while the rest of the bgc ignore you". he would have a 2 in "saying things that make people want to kill you LESS". de-escalation is not in this man's skillset. he cannot even handle being normal about human women. appreciating the intricacies of sangheili culture and politics, human culture and politics, and sangheili-human relations?

Tucker: People learn English all the time, it aren't that hard.

Church: Maybe you should try learning his language.

Tucker: Fuck that, we got here first, and that makes this a colony. Those're the rules, dude. Earth colony, Earth language.

Church: Tucker there's thousands of languages spoken on Earth.

Tucker: Hyeah, but only one that kicks ass. And that's the one we're teaching. English 101, remedial kick-ass.

i know this is pre-junior and doubtlessly, he is more interested in this stuff after junior (because junior's life does depend on sangheili politics and human-alien relations) and MUST be less dense about it after HAVING to do it as a job. like by osmosis at the very least something must have permeated his brain. but the gap between this^ and "knowledgeable enough to be an asset in this career, one people need at least one relevant degree for" is, uh, bigger than a few months between leaving blood gulch and being sent out to the field

sometimes i think about what a fucking trip it would be to be on the UNSC diplomatic team with tucker LMAO can you imagine how unpopular he must have been. a bunch of polisci and IR nerds like fists clenched shaking like leaves trying to restrain the urge to give this guy a swirlie because he cannot stop sounding like a fucking family guy episode while you're trying to, like, convince the warrior queen of some isolated Sangheili heretical sect to ally with the Swords of Sangheilios and the species they've been dead set on annihlating for decades. and also you know he's only an ambassador as like the weirdest most fucked up variation of a nepo baby. nepo forced interspecies religious incubator. the token chestburster virgin mary hire. the simultaneous Hatred for this guy making your job hell, the impotent rage of knowing that it is, actually, important that he be there for Symbolic reasons, and feeling sympathetic to him. you know part of why he's Like This is literally just because he's 20 and should be at the club but has had the year from hell and didn't ask for this. it's easy to forget that because he doesn't complain about any of the actually bad things that happened and just rolls with whatever crazy shit comes his way. complaining is reserved for being an annoying little bitch about petty shit.

ANYWAYS i'm not saying stop having fun with very competent versions of tucker. we're all just here to have fun. i just like what a weird combo of competent and disaster he is, as i interpret him, and i, personally, am incapable of interpreting him as being actually very good at his job as ambassador

*the only two options are not "bad dad" and "great dad". having an alien parasite non-consensually implanted in you by a manipulative fraudster to force his own involvement in a prophecy - oh and also their species is trying to exterminate yours - and going, "well, this baby didn't choose this, they're just a baby, and you know what? my baby. i love this baby unreservedly and unconditionally, fuck you." shows a capacity for love and forgiveness that's frankly fucking insane, both in the good-impressive way and the what-is-going-on-in-your-brain-and-how-did-this-kind-of-decision-making-not-get-you-killed-yet way. and tucker very clearly loves junior a lot and does his best - which, i want to reiterate, is absolutely wild considering the circumstances - but he wasn't ready for a kid, is bad at accepting responsibility especially for others, and the way that Things Never Stop Happening in his life mean he is really not very present. and it's not JUST because of things happening outside of his control - there were periods after season 8 and after season 13 he probably could have permanently reunited with junior and didn't.

[da-pretty-bunbun-pupper]

KINK JAR EXPLANATIONS HEHE :33

spanking; yes but rarely ever harsh, spit; YES AWA AWA EVERYWHERE PLS, slapping; yes but again depends on how harsh, ownership; i luvv being sumones pet bf n i like the idea of having a pet bf but i rlly couldnt do that full time lol, breeding; only in the sense of animal play, rope bunny; i luvv ropes n chains n bondage BUT i hateeee the idea of my legs being tied to sumthn past my knee point my only exception would be like rlly interesting bondage or shibari, wax play; luv but im also a pussy when it comes to pain lol, affectionate cruelty; LITERALLY YES its prolly the main way i dom and i cant make relationships if i cant be a lil mean to u lol i feel like this also ties in w faux sympathy which is my favvvv both to give n receive, orgasm denial/control/chastity; i could only do that to a sub or if i rlly rlyy trusted my dom, edging; im new to it but it seems fun :3, ordered to masturbate; LOVE i luv luv luv it in any way ever (tho public play fantasies r great but rarely ever sumthn id consider doing), punishment; it depends i do like harsh punishments occasionally but still it depends on the dom, funishment; yes pls always <3, manhandling; YES PLS i always want sumones hands all over me n i can neverrrr take my hands off u if i like u, pain; once again luv but im a pussy lol, bondage; yes pls always, knifeplay; i am obsessed w the idea of doing it to a (masc) sub but id rlly have to trust my dom if i was receiving, brat; im more of a tease rlly and as a 4'11 person it can be a bit hard to brat tame but i still luvvvv it, obedience; im naturally pretty obedient n i luvv seing how happy it makes my dom n i think easy going obedient subs r jus sooo cute!, humilation; this one depends but still yummy, degradation; YES as long as everyone is comfortable i luvvvvvvvvvv degradation but i think theres always stuff that should be off the table but like i said i literally cant have a relationship w u if a bit of meanness isnt involved, exhibitionism; rlly depends only public exhibitionism in fantasy never irl, somno; literally soo yummy but it makes me uncomfy if the sub isnt like explicitly told after lol even if its already been a conversation still not my thing lol, body worship; i dont like using the word 'worship' in my kink stuff since i am religious but i will always luvvvvv adoring my partners body i cant even help myself n im kinda opening up to a partner doing it for me, rough sex; depends on the kind of rough but yum lol, being babied; OFCCCC i literally cant function w/o being babied n i cant have a sub if i cant baby them ive tried n i got pissed lmao, roleplay; mhm mhm ofc :3, dd/lg; for me its dd/lb but still one of my all time fav kinks, cnc; yes but only in certain ways like 'oh well maybe i did want this' is yucky to me, intox; YES PLS, switch; hehehh :33

cumslut; YES PLS lemme make u cum multiple times a day have it be our only lube put it in all my food n drinks make it my new skincare routine awa awa, outdoor play; i luv the idea of backyard stuff or on hikes or sumthn but like i said not much public play lol, rules; depends but i do always like having ground rules like if u have certain chores for me or dos n donts as a lil etc etc, im new to primal stuff, never preggo stuff ever yuck, marks n bruises; YES i luvv bruises n burns on me and i luvvv cvt marks and burns on my subs, nipple play im still new to n im still getting comfy w my chest, impact play; yes but again im a wuss for pain lol, home videos; I thinkk this means ur own personal porn u made?? Lol but I’m always down for any sort of filming, oral fixation; ABSOLUTELY it’s one of my biggest issues n stims n I can actually get upset if I don’t have sumthn to entertain my mouth w lol, corruption; it depends I think I’m more of a “bending/turning into the sub ur don wants u to be” rather than “lets make it worse” idk, free use; YES but it depends on the situation bc im free use as in “whenever u want wherever u want” and not “whoever wants to use me” lol sounds adorable to watch on a sub tho, authority figure; depends rlly like teacher? Yes! Boss? Probably? Religious figure? Absolutely not!, age gaps r yummyyyyy but I think it would feel uncomfy to have a big age gap w a sub (like more than 5-8 years), no breastfeeding yuck yuck yuck, i luvvv gags, petplay; SOOO OBVI N ALWAYS A NEED, praise; i luv luv luvvv it and i cant even express how much i luv giving it, face sitting/fucking; as a virgin i cant comment on it much ig but it sounds hot lol, clothes i like but dont have a specific thing for, still new to rimming n stuff, anal; yum yum yum >//< feels sooo good, watersports/piss; YES DUH but i think id feel awkward doing it to sumone else lol but i would rlly like to see a sub chug my piss at sum point lol, threesums/foursums/more numbers lol i luvvvvv im obssessedddddd the best the best, monsters; YES i luv water monsters (but not tentacles) and land monsters n demons/shadows, feet is a massive no, size difference; as a small sub i luvv but as a dom idc lol, overstim; YES i actually dont considerate cumming unless i overstim lol, caging/confinement; im still new to that but it sounds cute! n ofc i luv pet cages too lol even tho thats prolly not what theyre talking abt

anyways enjoy my yap shesh! bye bye ! :3

and heres the empty version too

[sparkbugs]

My liveblog reaction post for JRWI Riptide 114! :3 SPOILERS AHEAD if that wasn’t obvious.

I completely forgot. About the bastion/stronghold. IF THEY LEAVE THE SHIP THEY LOSE THE TELEPORTER.

Haha! Ha. Wowie this is extremely stressful to start a session Jesus Christ. Pls get good perception AGGG. The laughter but it’s so stress LMAOOO AAAA

If anyone dies this episode! Haha.

How is this all 10 mins into the episode it’s just a terrible chase scene I am so. Aughhh

THANK GOD TBEY GOT TO THE DOCKS. BUT IS THE SHIP OKAY. if the ship fucking denigrates they lose their teleporter man they need that to get home if anything haha! Aggghghsh

The fucking. Fish shoes. Also PORTABLE HOLE LMAOOO

Gryffon :( my boy protect the ship my guy ily

Godddd because of the title I’m so fucking sure there’s stuff about Jay’s family here. I’m so sure there’s lots of things here but it’s so not safe.

Darkness lets gooo… oh.. that audio… ohhhhggg ahhdnjs oh goddddd

“Hello..?” *unimaginable horror response in a roar*

HOW HAS IT ONLY BEEN 25 MINS THERE ARE UNIMAGINABLE HORRORS THIS IS TERRIFYING

Portable holeeeee that’s a smart play, but that’s terrifying to think bout the helmet

“GUYS YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS” “what is it gill?” “Stairs!” “… that’s a ladder gill-“ I love them so much

More unimaginable horror sounds! Oh boy! This is. It’s been 30 fucking minutes.

Oh yucky.. skin… Jesus.. oh noooogghdjhdns

ITS GONE?!?!? WHERE THE FUCK DID IT GO.

THIS IS NOT THE FUCKING TIME TO BE ARGUINGGGG AAAAGGGG

I hate this so fucking much actually

The bit shoes.. Charlie please

We have made it 40 mins in let’s goooo haha. Ha!

A GLHYPHHJDHHSHS JAY NO WHAT HEY. FIREEE????? 37 POINTS HOLYYYY FUCKKKKK

HAHSJFHSJAIDJSUHWKS CREATURES THEYRE HERE AND THEYRE ANGRY

Haha it’s all fine now. Also the fucking bones aren’t real??? What. HAHAHAHAJGSIW UH OH BIZLY PLEASSEE

LMAOOO HAHAGGGSHDA THE PARANOIA IS SO FUCKING REAL

HAHSHSHSHA THE FUCKING MICROCHIPS IN THE WATER NOO STOP FUCKIN WITH GILL LMAO

Almost an hour in!! Woooooo! No ones dead thank fucking god

Thank god Chip please make sure no one dies thank u skelly man <3

Floor threeeee baybeee surely nothing happens here. :)

There’s someone waiting for themmmmm hahaha

“Jay can you do me a flavor right now?”

AHAHSHSHSHA WHATTTT WDYMMMM EVERYTHING GULLIOKFNXUSHSO GILLION NOOOOOO WHAT THE FUCKSHAIABA also the last quote being Gillion’s last words man. Yikes

Where is my boy where is my boy where is my boy. IS THAT HIS FUCKING SKIN

ITS HIS FUCKING SKINH IM SO MOT OKAY WHWRE IS MY BOY WHEFE IS HE. GIVE HIM BACK THEY JUST GOT HIM VACK

Haha. I’m fine :) I’m gonna ignore that for now haha cause why. Would that be an issue :)

I’m so worried about him actually. Bring him back

THEY WERE FUCKING EXPERIMENTING ON THE ICHOR. I KNEW IT BUT GOD THE CONFIRMATION IS. UGHHHGHDJSK yea this is such a navy thing to do. Yuck

Oh my god they didn’t see what skin the trition in the ground was. What if that was Edyn. Oh I’m so unwell.

GODDD THEYRE USING THE LEVIATHAN AND THE FUCKING ICHOR AS A SUPER WEAPON. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE NAVY.

NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH THE EPISODE YET WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK

Chip is so me I would totally. Grab bone pieces. EWWWW WHY MORE SKIN GROSS HOW MANY PEOPLE DID THEY FUCKING KILL

DEATHWARD SAVED THIS MAN PLEASE STAY MY GUY I LOVE YOU. this man is being crucified.. oh my god,,

Holy shit.. Kuba kenta :o is that u bitch

ITS HIMMMM HOLYYYY SHITTYTTT HAHSHSHSHAHA he’s such a bastard but also such a good villain… godddddd he’s just a fluffy guy :3

Mmmmmm machineeeeee

Giving me The Core from Amphibia vibes. This is fucking TERRIFYING. I MEAN I WAS RIGHT HERE CAUSE GILLION WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. PLEASE. GILLION WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. WHY DID YOU SIT IN THE CHAIR

WHWIDUDISHWJDJEIEJAIWHDIRJE GILLION. WHAT THE FUCK. Oh

Oh my god. 0 initiative. Oh my god Gillion please

“I would like to touch myself… and say- there’s more wait” PLEASEEE CHARLIEEE LMAOOOO

AWAAA RUN GILLION RUNNNNNN

“Oh my god, Gillion’s not fast.” HES RUNNING FOR HIS LIFE RIGHT NOW SO MAYBE HE IS??

It’s totally him right. YEA it’s Gilly :) why hasn’t he told them about Kuba Kenta.

Aughhhhghhfjskb CONDI?!??? LMAOOOO

Why. Are you. I. I despise them so much.

FIREWALL AUGHHGH NOT AGAIN

“CHEEBO” the rest of chips skin is fucking burnt off Jesus Christ

.. oh fuck. There’s more people going in????? It better not be the rest of the crew. INVISIBLITY WENT DOWN IGHDHDHSJS

Bones… gill I’m so sorry man :(

CHIP STOP BEING LIKE THAT YOU LOVE THEM. You love them. They you��re besties.

NATURAL 1 BUT IGS A FUCKING 23 WHAT THE HELLLLLL

Aughhhhhhhh paijnnnm pleaseeee surely nothing goes wrong mannnn what the hell

… conch shell time haha uh oh surelyyyy this will be fine

Jay my beloved <3 you got this girl

AAAA Grandma Ferin… SHES FUCKING CRAZY HOLY SHIT. Vault… time.. oh no. Woahhhh wonder. If that’s the true prophecy in there

CONDI DEAFENED AUGSJHSJGA WHATTT NO BRING HIM BACK OH FUCK

Haha they’re trapping themselves in this room. Uh oh.

OH. GILLION. OH NO. OH NOOO WHAT. HELLO. HEY. Uh oh. Hey. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKK WHAT IS GOING ON

WHERE IS MY FISH MAN WHERE IS HE WHERE IS HE

THE HORRORS ARE THERE THE HORRORS. THATS WBY HE DIDNT TELL ABLUT KUBA KENTA OH MY GOD

…

The sword. Thank god.

PELASEEEE DONT LET ANY OF TJEM DIE OM GONIFNIBSJA GILLIONS GOING GO SAVE HIS FRIEND HES FOINF AS FAST AS HE VAN

JAY PLEASE GO HELP PLEASE FUCKKKK ING HELL

Ichor creature. Godddddd

I don’t even have words this is just combat that’s terrible and I hate it

Aughhdhxhsishdjsn man. People have been so right about how this episode is Bad bad. Like. Wow.

2 and half hours in. Pain and suffering. Please don’t let Chip die again. Charlie did really fucking good playing his doppelgänger without breaking that’s insane.

Gillion’s yelling at each other would be so much funnier if it wasn’t. A life or death situation

CHARLIE SALUTING IM SO UPSET PLEASSESS LET THEM LIVE

YEAHAHAHAHDHDHS GET HIS ASS JAY

HAHA HEY.

HOW ARE THEY TYING IM GONNA CRYYYY

HE WCJDJDSHS HE DID IT HE FUCKING DID IT OM GONAN THROW UP OHHHHGG MU GOD

GILLIONS STUFF FUCKKKKING WAITAAGGG

HAHAHDHSGWGE KUBA KENTA MENTION.

Oh. He’s. Opening. Kubas cage. Gillion. Hey.

Haha they have to go back UP?!? Well. Riptide pirates, it was nice knowing you.

Chip. Can’t be healed I am so upset. Also I feel like the creatures are just going to escape. And Kuba Kenta is going to be Right There.

Dopplegilly you bitch ass mother fucker give my boy back his stuff

WHDIXHSIDHS THEY PUT HIM IN THE HOLE??? Well. I mean. Go off

I hope they don’t fucking fall into the lava. Like seriously after all that.

Well. Gillion. Please let this man get his stuff. WALL OF WATER THANK GODDDD

How is there a half hour left.

HE HAS MISTY STEP. CHARLIE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

I am so. AUEGUESHS THE LIFE DEBT OF DOPPELGILLY GOINF BACK INTK THE HOLE PLEASE LMAOOOO WHAT IS THIS

Please get out of here please just get the ship off the island oh my god

So much murderrr please go n get them and get out im so ahdichdiebz

oh . The fucking. Turrets. LMFAO COUNTER SPELL THE FUCKING ASS TURRETS JDDIDBKS

THE FUCKCONF DECK IM GONNA LOSE IT PLEASE. DONT LET HIM DO THAT PLEASE

WHY NOT JUST FUCKING THROW THE DECK OF CARDS UP. WHY. I’m gonna.

THE IDIOT CARD. OH MY GODDD HAHAHDJDHAUA 3 INTELLIGENCE IM SOGONGNDHSBA

THE VOID. LMAOOOO HES FUCKING GONE THANK GOD. Anyways the TURRETS.

THEY FUCKING DID IT LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO

Well. That was. An episode. Well. I can see why everyone was freaking out about it LMAO THEYRE ALIVE THOUGH LETS GOOOO RIPTIDE PIRATES

[eddiediaaz]

The 911 fandom hate attacking Buck and Eddie fans for shipping Tommy and Buck too has destroyed me enjoying peoples edits I haven't been in the tags forever and blogs I follow getting crap for it on my dash and having to explain themselves which just isn't right hasn't anybody ever shipped someone with more than one person before? I thought it was a pretty common thing no? :'(

honestly this whole thing is so ridiculous to me. the 911 fandom is....very puritan. let's just say that. i don't want to get thrown rocks so it's all i'm gonna say lol, but yeah i'm not even surprised that this is happening right now (it tracks, for this fandom). multishipping is fun! and if that's not someone's thing, then it's fine too! it's really not that hard to be respectful and to agree to disagree. shipping and fandom should be fun, i don't understand why people get so angry about characters kissing or not kissing. like it's actually insane to me! it's fucking tumblr lmao!! i can't believe people send anon hate over that. and the bucktommy fans that shit on people who are not into multishipping (but are being respectful about it) are just as bad. don't yuck on someone's yum, etc etc.

anon, what i would suggest is to steer clear of the general tags, they are often filled with rancid takes anyway (sorry but not sorry...), and unfollow people/block tags if you must. i myself blacklist #911 discourse, #911 spec and tags related to that cause i'm just not interested (except from a small handful of people). i only venture in the edit tags sometimes (like #911edit, #buddieedit, etc), never into general tags. this is a huge fandom and it has even more people now that buck is canonically bisexual, so now more than ever it's important to make your dash a safe space. don't be afraid to unfollow, block, blacklist! these assholes shouldn't keep you from enjoying the stuff you wanna enjoy <3

[ryverbind]

Faceless Fixation {Sal Fisher}: Strawberry Lipgloss [8]

"Okay," I tell dad through my sleepy eyes and groggy voice. "I have to make this believable." Dad nods ferociously, eyebrows drawn together curiously. 

"So, excuse me for a moment," I say, holding up a finger and clearing my throat. Then, I scream a good, long, loud, unnecessary scream.

Dad flinches and I can't help but smile when he glares at me, clicking his tongue and undoubtedly disapproving of my unsavory tactics.

I finish my scream and cough a bit. That should be enough, seeing as I've managed to kickstart a scratchy throat.

I fish my phone out of my carry on bag and dial my boss's number. He ends up scowling at my excuse, but I think my coughing and hoarse voice passed his bullshit test. I promised him I'd be heading to the doctor while taking my day off.

My bags were packed and ready to go right before I headed to bed last night. I only left out a change of clothes and my toothbrush and toothpaste for the morning before packing them too. 

I packed my mask as well. I wouldn't be meeting The Faces without it, after all.

A nervous smile pulls at my lips as I think of the intricate purple mask hiding safely in my luggage. I'll be putting it to good use for the first time ever tonight and the reminder sends a rejuvenating pulse through my body.

I'm going to be boarding my flight in about two hours and I'm so excited that I physically and mentally cannot stay still. I'm fantasizing about our meeting, wondering how it'll go.

Larry would probably notice me first and know that I was there. He would jump around like a lunatic and hug me, then try to pick me up with his little lanky self. I'm genuinely looking forward to finally being able to see his long, luscious hair that he's been growing since he was a teenager. 

I haven't seen a photo of Larry since he was eighteen-- he's nearly twenty three now, so I'm sure his hair is incredibly long. He better not have cut it.

Sal will, hopefully, not associate me with a certain Lexi. But would he be kind to me? Would he recognize my voice?

I don't know what to expect of Todd, seeing as he's such a formal guy, but I know Ash is going to know me just by stance alone.

I can't wait to embrace my best friend, feel her warmth and the rush of emotions that'll come with finally being reunited.

I carry these thoughts with me as I tell my dad goodbye, giving him a tight hug and promising to stay safe. I ponder a bit more as I pass through security. I giggle and smile to myself while waiting outside my gate, and I pull out my phone to text Ash just because I can't keep all this excitement to myself as I settle into my seat towards the back of the plane.

All this excitement made the time pass ridiculously fast.

My veins are filled with never-ending adrenaline. My sleep-deprived brain is running on straight expectations and hope. My heart is pumping out optimism and begging for a break, but my mind doesn't let up. We're going to hold onto these positive emotions until we have to go home.

Me hiya ashy!! how's vegas? :P

Ashers &lt;3 Hi baby!!!! Vegas is awesome so far. We're up at the crack ass of dawn  (Larry and Sal hate it but Todd and  I are troopers) for a meeting with some other popular streamers out  here. I think it's some kind of  breakfast meet and greet thing??? Idk. But how are you!!

Me well, not suffering like you guys lmao. just getting ready for an 8 o'clock  shift. the usual.

Ashers &lt;3 Yuck :( make sure you punch your boss for me. He's the whole reason I won't be seeing you!!!

Me no issue there. i've been waiting to lay a good one on him for ages. you're just giving me a good excuse to actually go through with it :3

Ashers &lt;3 That is my job as your bad influence ;)

Me prayer hands to that, babe. wouldn't be where i am today without miss ash's guidance <333

Yes, I know, I should just tell Ash that I'm literally about to take off on a flight headed straight to Las Vegas, but the prospect of surprising her-- seeing the elation and shock on her face-- I can't pass that up. This'll be worth it.

"Would you like something to drink before we take off, ma'am?" 

My head flies up and I meet a flight attendant's smiling gaze. Her lips are a fiery red, her hair meticulously and beautifully fixed into blonde waves flowing down her back.

I gape at her beauty for a moment before smiling politely. "Um, would you happen to have coffee? Or tea?" I ask after a moment, wincing at my own awkward question. I just really need some kind of caffeine. 

"We have both!" she chirps, her sweet voice reminding me of Ash's. I can't help but smile wider at the connection. "Which would you prefer?"

"Coffee, if possible," I say, squeezing my phone a little tighter in my hands.

"Great! Creamer and sugar as well?" 

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you!" I tell her, to which she nods then walks over to the seat in front of me to ask the people ahead the same thing.

I glance down at my phone again just as our pilot announces that we'll be taking off within a few moments. That means I won't be able to talk to Ash for a bit.

Ashers &lt;3 Aww, you're too sweet, my little love. I'll always be here to catch you when you fall :D

Me i would hope so!! i have to go though, so i'll text you in a bit when i get a break, kay?

Ashers &lt;3 Sure thing, sweetness!  Se latrevo <3333

Me ermmmmm i love you too??? if that's what that means?

Ashers &lt;3 It's Greek for "I adore you!!!" 

Me cute <333 se latrevo too (LMAO)

I close my phone with a smile as the wheels of the plane start moving, only gaining speed as we practically fly down the runway. Exhilaration takes over my entire body as I look away from the woman beside me and stare at the fast moving objects outside of the little window.

The plane lifts from the ground and my stomach practically jumps in my body, all my limbs tensing up as I cling to the tray in front of me. That's it, I'm officially unable to go back on my last-minute plans.

It feels a bit refreshing knowing that I have no other option now. For the longest time (all night and all morning), I didn't think I'd actually be able to do it, but here I am. And I'm so proud of myself for this.

With my head held high as my coffee gets placed down beside me, I look around the inside of the airplane, glancing away from people who suddenly meet my gaze. I'm not embarrassed though, I'm on top of the world right now. There isn't a single thing that could turn my mindset around. 

I'm going to finally fucking see my friends!

My eyes travel along the various rows of seats that I can physically see (which isn't all that much) and I'm momentarily blessed by the sight of a little fur baby passing by my row.

I perk up a bit more instantly, smiling as the woman sitting beside me spews out an audible, "Oh my goodness! Look at that baby!"

I watch the exchange between the woman and pet owner, noting the yellow lab who sits right on top of its owners feet, tongue hanging out of its mouth like it doesn't have a care in the world. The little vest around it's body catches my eye and I find myself respecting the lady beside me for not reaching out to pet the sweet baby. It's a medical service dog.

"What's their name?" The woman beside me asks, smiling down at the dog who pants heavily.

"Her name is Yeager," The owner says proudly, giving their dog a little head pat. "She's a cardiac alert dog, so thank you for letting her do her job."

"Oh, no need, honey!" The woman says politely before smiling at little (well, rather large actually) Yeager again. "What a hard-working little thing! She's such a good girl."

Watching the exchange suddenly turns into a horror movie for me, actually, it's a bit more like a nightmare in which I can't wake from. You know, when you're being chased but you physically can't move. That's exactly how I feel-- the freeing feeling of taking flight is replaced by the very obvious realization that I can no longer escape the personal hell that I've stuck myself in.

Fuck. Oh no.

I've really made a terrible mistake. Why couldn't my father have let me cry for a few days?

Is there any possible way for me to get off this plane? I don't care if I lose my life. It's better than landing in Vegas within the next hour. 

We're already over three thousand and something feet in the air and probably traveling over a hundred mph, but maybe I can just... you know... pop open the emergency hatch and launch myself out of it. At least everyone would be able to talk about how I went sky-diving at my funeral. 

The woman and the owner of Yeager continue to chat for a bit while I try to contain my flaming cheeks and wide eyes, pushing down the memory that holds me in a vice grip-- it's like I'm bound in chains, forced to listen to everything all over again.

How could I have forgotten? And worse, why did this woman calling a dog a good girl resurface the fucking memory? I'm losing it. It's official.

I was so preoccupied with not being able to go to Las Vegas that I forgot why I really shouldn't fucking go. And now it's too late.

I completely ignored the lingering memory of one of the most exhilarating nights of my life. 

Yea, I'm an idiot. An unremarkable one, mind you, who was, again, reminded of Sal and I's salacious act simply because a woman uttered the words "good" and "girl" to a dog. The dog isn't my issue because she is, in fact, a good girl. I'm just shocked that I've traveled this low on the pyramid of idiocy and lunacy. 

Sigmund Freud really would have loved me.

I finally decide to just duck my head down and let it rest on my tray, nearly knocking over my fresh, scalding hot coffee. My eyes are still wide as I cross my arms around my head, my cheeks still burning with the rage of 25,000 babies being denied titties. I mean, what better way to explain how betrayed I feel? And not to mention, I'm the damn betrayer. I've betrayed myself. Larry would be proud of that statement, at least.

Sally and I haven't talked about what happened-- nor do I want to talk about what happened (it's unavoidable). We haven't even spoken since he left me hanging like a little bitch when Larry jumped into the voice chat and scared the orgasm out of me. 

Somewhere, somehow, my unconscious brain decided it would be a fantastic idea to have the conversation with Sally in person. Now, I'm forced to do just that. Fucking hell. 

I gulp down my overwhelming feelings. There's no going back now, unfortunately. I'll just have to devise a plan that keeps Sally Face's mouth shut until we're alone (which I pray never happens) or until I'm back home, safe and sound. 

Actually, this might be good for me. Sally, despite his shitty vendetta against me, is actually pretty shy and quiet in person. I doubt he'd be brave enough to say anything out loud, so maybe this will prolong the time I have before having to talk to him about our weird phone sex thing that happened the other night.

I mentally pat myself on the back. Maybe I'm not all that dumb. I, miraculously, have some kind of intellectual influence deep down for me to be this smart about avoiding an unwanted talk with my enemy. Perfect.

Doesn't change the fact that Sally is dangerously hot though, by the way.

Either way, I have to look Sally in the eye later knowing that I heard him beating the crap out of his dick to the thought of me. I'll never forget it, and part of me doesn't want to. It was really good.

And I'll also have to look him in the eye knowing that I completely submitted to him and tried to defy him in the end. And he'll know that too.

The thought makes me shiver and I feel like I might vomit for a moment. Whether I have to talk to Sally or not about what we did, I absolutely have to be near him tonight even if I don't want to. I can't escape his presence any longer.

If I think about my future dilemmas any more, I actually will jump out of this plane and risk everyone else inside of it the second I open this emergency hatch. Which, by the way, said emergency hatch is perfectly placed beside me like it was planned out beforehand that I'd sit in a place where I could make a quick getaway. That's it, death by sky-diving is my destiny.

Fuck this-- not like I can actually go back to twenty minutes ago and step off this plane. My fate is sealed and so is my fucking seat belt.

I huff out a quiet, pitiful sigh and close my eyes, wiggling in my seat to get into a better position. My coffee will go cold, but it's better than stressing over the near future knowing I had no time to prepare. Not to mention, any announcement from the pilot would probably stress me out and make me think I'll die. So a nap will do better than my anxiety will for the next hour.

And my nap turns out to be atrocious. I'm trapped in a cage, Sal's tattooed arms chaining me in. It's almost morbid-- especially since I still took the time to trace every inch of what I could remember about the intricate designs on his skin. I am a mess even when asleep and the messy part of my brain follows me into the waking world when a gentle shake startles me from my stupid ass dream.

I throw my head up, eyes wide as I turn to the woman beside me. She has a gentle smile on her lightly worn features, a couple grey hairs peaking through the dark strands that hang over her shoulder. She has a bag in her hand as she stands and people rush past her.

We've landed.

I take a deep, sleepy breath and smile at the woman. "Thank you," I mumble the raspy words, stretching quickly before standing up. "Didn't realize I slept so long."

"That's alright, sweetie," the woman says comfortingly. At least she's nice-- though, I'd gathered that much from the way she spoke to Yeager earlier. "Just wanted to make sure you got off the flight." She gives me a little nod then turns, walking off of the plane.

I deflate in my seat and watch a wave of jet-lagged people pass through the aisle in front of me, waiting for the crowd to clear up before I start gathering my things. I'm in no rush now, remembering that I'll be seeing Sally Face come nightfall.

But I'll also be seeing Ash, Larry, and Todd...

I lift myself from my seat with a grunt and push past a few people to quickly grab my bag from the compartment above my row of seats. 

After getting off the plane, waiting for my second bag isn't too rough. It takes a good ten minutes for it to finally pop up on a conveyer belt, but I take off to a Starbucks next to the bag pick-up area to grab breakfast, which consists of a bagel, a cake pop, and a peppermint mocha frappuccino because it's my favorite bitch coffee ever.

I travel through the airport, one bag on my shoulder (which holds my breakfast) as I drag my suitcase behind me and glance around with my green straw in my mouth, constantly sipping on my cold coffee that is ten times better than whatever I ordered on the plane, clearly, since I ended up throwing it away anyway.

People whiz past me, disappearing up escalators or squeezing through packed doorways. I don't wish to be anywhere near it, I mean, who would? That's an anxious nightmare, but I know I'll have to subject myself to that torture eventually. I might as well just get it over with now so I can hail a taxi and get to my hotel. Then, I can hide for the rest of the day until tonight.

I push past a few people as I make my way to the doors leading out of the airport. I wish I could get a good look at my surroundings because the airport is ginormous, but I'm too focused on getting out of dodge. I have so many things I want to look forward to and want to avoid all at the same time, but I can't do that until I finally have time to relax in my hotel room.

I manage to panic enough to the point where I disregard anyone ahead of me in line and just grab a taxi toward the back, more than ready to get to my hotel and crash for the next few hours. I don't even want to think about how excited I am to see Larry, Ash, and Todd because the fear of seeing Sally just completely ruins it.

So I get dropped off at a plain Hilton a couple blocks away from the strip at about twelve in the afternoon, check into my room, and drag the remainder of my dignity as well as my heavy bags up a few stories before finally just crashing onto my bed.

I want to cry because I'm starting to wonder if this was a bad idea, but I am in Las Vegas. Dad paid for me to come visit my friends, so I have to do it. I'm sure it'll work out anyway. I doubt it'll turn out too bad, my head is just messing with me like it always does.

But right now, things just suck. The only good thing about my trip at this exact moment is that my bed is insanely comfortable. That's a pretty awesome outcome seeing as I just want to sleep to ignore all of my worries.

My day seems to fly by as though it's been sped up. My plane ride was made quick due to me being so much of a mess, and now my day is gone since I somehow wake up at about six in the evening.

I'm too distressed to put an actual meal in my stomach, so my dinner consists of complimentary cookies that got dropped onto my tray in the airplane. I can't stomach anything more than that. And for the rest of the time, I watch a few reruns of The Office, tucked into the sheets of my bed with the comforter pulled up to my chin.

At some point, I lift my phone that's been laying face down on my bed to see a missed call from Ash, a few texts in the Discord chat, and then I notice that it's fucking 8:30 pm.

On a normal day, I'd use my lateness as an excuse to just not go altogether, but I didn't waste dad's money and I didn't come all the way here to not see my friends.

I can call, well, talk to Ash later. She'll be seeing me soon anyway.

So, I jump out of bed with a frustrated curse slipping past my lips and run into the bathroom beside my bed. It's a small room, not like I need anything big. I'm just one person.

I'll have to be... fashionably late, I suppose. No issues there. I'm sure many people are going to show up late. It's not like it'll end thirty minutes after it begins, right?

I take a quick shower, blow dry my hair, and put on some eyeliner and mascara. I'm not trying to make a statement. If anything, I'm trying to fly under the radar. Hopefully the little bit of makeup conceals me from being recognized. The last thing I want is for Larry or Todd to recognize me as y/n.

After my face and hair are done, I throw on fishnets and tuck a Fall Out Boy shirt into a black skirt that rests on my hips, then I throw on my worn black and white, hightop vans.

It's nothing special. My boi Kieran said to wear whatever, so I am. At least the fishnets add a little fun to the look.

My last little addition is the mask I bought just a few days ago. It feels as though it weighs hundreds of pounds in my two small hands. But not in a bad way-- I just cherish it so much that the weight of its unspoken value almost seems to double as I simply gaze upon it.

With a breath, I situate it onto my face, tucking the straps under my hair.

I pack a few bills into the back of my phone case and check my bank account, making sure I have a bit of money there too in case I need it. Then I finally run out of my room and out of the hotel in general, hailing a taxi who takes me through the city, adding another thirty minutes to my trip because of traffic.

Despite my poor punctuality, I can't help but feel mesmerized by all the tall, lit up buildings swarmed with people. And once the MGM Grand comes into view, I feel nervous with all the people hanging around the entrance like a pond of alligators waiting to feast upon my bones. It's a scary feeling, but hopefully I can squeeze past everyone and find where I need to go.

My taxi stops in the middle of people, right in front of the door. It's worst case scenario-- I have to step out in the middle of a raving crowd. I don't want that, but what else can I do?

I scramble out of the car, swinging around in a panic when the taxi screeches off behind me. I stare at the spot that repopulates with people instantly, all chatting and looking up at the giant, towering building in front of us.

It's hypnotizing, beautiful. I feel dizzy just by staring up at the roof that covers the driveway before I look over to the doors that almost seem to glow. But unfortunately, the moment doesn't last long because I can't see much through the ridiculous amount of bodies in my way.

Las Vegas sucks while I have my feet on the ground. There are way too many people which makes the views hard to enjoy, especially as I find myself fighting through everyone in my way who just wants casino's.

I eventually stagger through the doorway, trying to hold myself back from running over to a desk with a few workers hanging around. Damn, I really want to go back to my hotel. I've had enough of being around people today.

My stomach feels queazy and my limbs tremble a bit as I take quick steps, my presence easily gaining the attention of a lady working behind the counter.

She smiles politely at me, but a curious, almost wary look crosses her gaze as she watches me walk up. She's probably confused by the mask, but I don't have the time or the desire to explain why I'm wearing it.

"Um, hi," I murmur, smiling carefully. "I'm trying to, uh, get to the roof. For the party." The words are almost too quiet, so I force myself to speak louder despite the tremor tainting my voice. 

"Oh," the woman says sweetly, still eyeing me carefully. "I need to see your invite, then." She's kind, but something about her forced expression tells me she fucking hates her job.

I pull my phone from the waistband of my skirt and open up my email to get to the invite before passing the device to her. I watch as her eyes scan over my phone and she purses her lips before handing it back to me. 

She looks down, grabbing a clipboard. "Name?" she asks.

Yikes. I mean, it wouldn't be my actual name right? Kieran doesn't know me-- he only knows Vi.

"Um, VioletViolence," I whisper, cracking my knuckles and trying to keep my feet still. I don't need to scuff up this nice floor.

The woman's eyes narrow as she drags her eyes over the paper, flipping it to another sheet before her eyes widen a bit, "Aha!" she exclaims, like she's proud of herself. "Here you are. I'll give you a passcode for the top floor, you have to put it in as soon as you get into the elevator. After that, you're good to go!"

She cheered up a lot. I guess it helped to find out that I'm not some random crazy person.

"Oh, okay. Thanks," I smile cautiously.

Turns out, the passcode to the roof is 1989, just like the Taylor Swift album. That'll be easy to remember.

I punch the code into the elevator nervously, watching as a little green light envelops the button for the roof. Then, I travel slowly upwards for what feels like five full minutes until the doors finally open up to a party that practically smacks me in the face.

I look through the crowd, my heart beating wildly while a mix of electronic and rock music pulses in the air around me. People take up almost every inch of space on this rooftop. At some point, I note the LED lighted (and probably heated) pool crowded with randoms.

My eyes wander every which way in awe. I've never been to Vegas in my life, but the view is so much more than I expected now that I'm able to actually get a good look at it. Everything is exceptionally tall, super modernized and lavish, and lit up with a plethora of colored lights. Actually, I can see The Venetian from here.

I make my way to the edge of the rooftop, squeezing past people to get a good glimpse of the lights, buildings and moving life below me. 

This moment feels so surreal. I'm surrounded by people I don't know, just like I have been all damn day, looking for my four-- three-- friends who aren't even expecting me. Right here, in this moment, I'm alone in one of America's busiest and most well-know cities.

I have so many fucking options. Hell, if I really wanted to, I could jump from this roof to the balcony below and get cheered on. Everything-- anything-- goes in Las Vegas.

The area is fun, but the situation is dangerous. I'm feeling risky. It's a stark contrast to how nervous I was moments ago, but seeing all of Las Vegas from up here has brought me back to life in a way.

To my left is a pool side bar, though, which will ultimately help me in the long run. If I want to pursue my risky thoughts that I'm too afraid to act on when sober, then alcohol is a good start.

I push through bodies again, holding onto one half of my mask in fear. I think I'd call it quits on life if I get pushed around so much that it falls off. Genuinely, I'd just pack up and leave.

Out of everything though, that's my only true fear at the moment, even with the lingering reminder that I'll have to find The Faces soon. I have, well, used to have horrible social anxiety, and yet here I am in one of the most social situations I've even laid my eyes on in years.

Here, I actually have to converse with people unlike whenever I was in the airport and getting into this casino/hotel--whatever it is. This right here is something to feel good about.

I'm proud of myself.

I weave past another person and slap a hand onto the bar counter, hanging on for dear life when a few people shove past me and nearly take me with them. Wincing, I make awkward eye contact with the bartender who just stares at me. 

Yea, asshole. Could have helped.

"Whatcha got?" The bartender asks, filling up multiple glasses. I know he's busy. There are people in every free spot around the bar. What a fucking party, right?

"Um, can I get a screwdriver, I guess?" I yell to him, trying to make sure he can hear me over the music. 

He nods once, grabbing another glass. "$15."

My eyes practically shoot out of my head and I feel like I'll choke on the way I'm being strangled with my pretty much empty bank account. "Is that a joke?" I cough out, watching as he fills the glass up with the equivalent to three shots.

The bartender shoots me a frustrated look that immediately tells me he isn't kidding.

He puts a splash of orange juice into what I would consider straight fucking alcohol then scoots it over to me.

I wince, giving my glass a little twirl in hopes to give myself some clarity and not straight vodka towards the bottom of the glass. Then, I pull a $20 from the back of my phone case and pass it to him. "Keep the change," I murmur, plucking a straw from a styrofoam cup then returning to my task of attempting to find The Faces.

Honestly, finding the group in a sea of people like this is probably impossible. There are just so many bodies and not enough consideration for the poor souls (me) trying to find their way around. 

I can just barely make out an unoccupied stage. There's a microphone set up on it and speakers towards the back. It's right on the edge of the large rooftop, so maybe I'll be able to find some space there and catch a breath before I keep looking.

And of course, I could make this easier for myself and just call Ash. I could make this entire search simpler for everyone by letting her know that I have shown up. Who wouldn't do that?

But I'm scared. I love Ash more than anything and she's my best friend, but I also haven't seen her, Larry, or Todd in over ten years. The thought of physically reconnecting after so long worries me. Talking online is easy compared to actually being there, in person, flesh and all, for the thought process of every single question and answer. What if we all are too awkward and don't know how to physically speak to each other?

It's an anxious worry that makes me shiver as I break through the end of the thick crowd.

Suddenly though, I don't have any time left to worry again like I've been doing all day.

I should have known that Sally Face would be as close as he could possibly be to music. Thus, there he is, standing in front of the stage with his back leaned against the edge. And where he goes, the rest of the group goes.

All the air leaves my lungs all at once. My feet are cemented to the ground and my free hand bunches into the fabric of my black skirt.

They stand in a row-- Sally, Ash, Larry, then Todd.

Sally Face is the shortest one in the group. I never would have suspected it just by meeting him once. I mean, he isn't exactly short. I'd say he must be between five foot eight and five foot ten. That's a decent height. But Ash is a head taller than him-- that alone shocks me into stillness. And Larry is even taller than Ash. Then Todd is about Ash's height.

As always, Sally looks delectable. Just looking at him once fills me with memories of his sultry, dirty words and the feeling of his skin beneath my fingertips. What a dangerously frustrating man.

He's wearing a tan, almost sandy colored, Memphis May Fire shirt paired with black jeans and classic vans. The neutral colors clash wildly against the bright, slap-you-in-the-face color of his hair alongside his expressionless prosthetic, but I'm into it. He looks so fucking good and I can see the tattoos on his arms so well.

How I ache to run my hands over every inch of ink covering his skin. To see him flinch beneath my touch again. To read his story depicted in images that stain his body. It's a deep yearning that fills me with a feeling akin to rage-- it's just as euphoric, adrenaline-inducing, and deteriorating as rage is to me. 

My eyes rake over him inch by inch, dragging up and down slowly until I've memorized each curve, crevice, freckle, scar, and every other little thing easy to miss regarding his physical body.

I wish I could see more of him. I want nothing more than to peel that prosthetic off of his face and get a look at the beauty he hides so desperately. I just know deep in my soul that he's pretty. There's no way a handsome asshole like him wouldn't have a pretty face.

His electric blue eyes rake across the area in front of him, but he thankfully never looks at me. It gives me an open opportunity to ogle him from afar. 

I trail my eyes from his bruised fingertips, all over his ink-stained forearms while I meticulously map out each twist and turn of the veins that lead up to his lightly bulging biceps. Then, I follow the curves of his lightly scarred neck. 

Somehow, the in-person image of his pretty throat is better than the photo Larry sent me. That shattered sword tattoo glints under the lights, a result of the thin sheen of sweat on his skin. It brings out the barely noticeable differences in the color of his skin-- his scars. They're lining the underside of his jaw and just a bit on the left side of his neck. I wish I could bite into his skin.

His messy hair and fringe cover the top and sides of his prosthetic, but I'm still able to get a good look at the dips and curves of every inch of it. I'm even able to see the top corner of his prosthetic that's pink instead of white. I wonder why that is.

But even if they aren't real, I can't help but stare at his prosthetic lips. Someday, I'll get to feel his real lips behind the barrier between me and his face.

I try to shake off the simp side of my brain, shocked at my own thoughts. Why am I so eager just over one look at him? Am I that bad off right now? This is an issue.

Sally Face is dangerous.

He has this confident, god-like aura about him that drips with the equivalent to gold-- if there was a color to describe the way he acts, it would be gold. It's in his stance, in his sharp and hypnotizing gaze, in the way he curls his fingers towards himself in a gesture as Ash watches him-- they're likely talking. 

Sally face is tantalizing in every aspect of who he is. Personality, looks, vibes. I want my fingers in his cerulean hair so I can ruffle up the soft looking, layered waves. I want to drag my fingertips down the few scars littering his neck. I want to shatter that sword on his throat a little more, see how much deeper he can break. I want his pale skin between my teeth, and I want his gaze on me. 

But these are silly thoughts. I can't embrace or act on them. Especially not right now.

I turn my gaze to Ash, the reincarnated Aphrodite dripping in modern eloquence. When imagining the most beautiful woman to walk the earth, I'd think of her over and over again. I feel that anyone else would, too. 

Ash's hair has grown since her major cut about a year ago, it's just hanging over her shoulders, brushing her upper back. It's the color of silky chocolate, flowing smoothly and elegantly as though she'd spent hours preparing it. And hell, maybe she did spend a while fixing it up. But the point is that she makes effort look effortless. 

The model-like air about her is swathed in a kind-hearted and welcoming feeling that comes just from seeing her do something as simple as smile. Ash is completely one of a kind, an alien in a realm where beauty is misguided and thought to be something else entirely. She's too breathtaking to be walking within ten feet of me. She's too good for this universe she's been sent to.

Ash is wearing a maroon colored dress that hugs her curves in every perfect place possible. There's a slit going up the right side of the dress-- her thigh squeezes against the fabric, more than likely attracting every person's attention within a three-mile radius. She's simply and utterly a sight to behold.

Not like she needs makeup, but even the little bit that she's wearing on her celestially stunning face compliments her dress, her personality, and her overall aura perfectly. Just a little bit of a dark brown shade on her eyelids, accentuating the glowing color of her viridian irises as she, oh shit, makes eye contact with me. But it's only for a moment before she... looks away again? 

Anyway, her pearly white teeth are on display when Sally nudges her, pointing off into another direction. Each of her features lifts with the action and makes her look even more otherworldly. She's something else entirely.

I continue dragging my eyes along the entire group, passing my gaze over Larry now who absolutely blows my mind. In fact, I can't quite believe that it's the same scrawny, metal-loving, long-haired, emo teenager I last saw a photo of just two years ago. 

Larry is ripped in every meaning and centimeter of the word. He used to be an awkward, lanky guy-- but now, his biceps seem like they're hardly able to fit into his plain black t-shirt, even his chest is squeezing against the fabric. Veins protrude over the inside of his forearms-- a tidbit I notice when he gestures over to Ash to mention something. 

Small tattoos litter various areas of his tanned arms, little crosses or x's, I even see a My Chemical Romance and Sanity's Fall tattoo on him. The ink is a beautiful complement to his honey-colored skin. He's incredibly handsome, I'll give him that. Even in just a plain shirt, black jeans, and red converse-- he's killing the look and making it something unique to him. Actually, I'll bet he wore that shirt because it looks best on him. 

I trail my eyes up his sculpted neck and to his striking, chiseled face that seems to have matured quite a bit in the past couple years. His eyes are a mesmerizing and dominant shape that beautifully accompanies his dark brown eyes that seem to mimic the shade of black coffee with just a splash of creamer. His angular cheekbones and jawline make him seem like a fully functioning Roman sculpture come to life. And more than anything, I'm so excited to see that the cute gap between his front teeth is still present when he flashes a hypnotizing smile to his left while running a tattooed hand through his hair.

Larry's septum is pierced, a new addition to his look that I didn't hear of. While a minimal difference, it gives him a boost in the 'attractive guy' department. He looks so different, but so familiar. All in all, he looks just as lickable as Sal does, only he's one of my best friends and I absolutely refuse to pursue anything that could break the bond I have with him.

I finally turn to Todd, a fleshed out man who's incredibly elegant in his own right. He's drool-worthy in a contrasting way compared to the rest of the group-- he's the embodiment of an academia professor and he's absolutely killing the look.

Todd's face is cherubic, angelic even but still handsome in a way that seems to make him shine in the dark of the night. The curves of his face are visible, but not sharp and cut-throat like Larry's features are, for example. Little light freckles paint the bridge of his nose and the apples of his cheeks, bringing out the inebriating color of his nearly colorless, inky eyes. Thin lips and a light brush of facial hair on his chin really brings his pretty features together to make him look even more attractive, especially under the moonlight and LEDs. 

His curly, red hair is styled in a side part, a singular curl hanging over his forehead in a way that fills me with an urge to push the hair into place with the rest. And perhaps he styled his hair like that on purpose, to make everyone yearn to touch him. 

He's dressed in black trousers that are perfectly ironed, a white, button-up dress shirt, and a dark grey blazer that could almost be considered some type of trench coat if not for the style. Then, a pair of shiny black dress shoes.

Todd pulls off the look wonderfully, and never in my life did I imagine I would ever see him sporting dark colors, but the neutral and darker shades look amazing on him. Compared to the monotonous, bright-colored boy I knew as a child, Todd has matured into what he was always meant to be. And fuck, Neil is a lucky guy.

All of my friends are so hot that they are too hot for me. How could I possibly walk up to the equivalent to famous paintings and sculptures? I mean, they're so perfect that I feel as though I need to do a double-take because I can't wrap my head around the fact that they're real. How can anyone be so absolutely gorgeous? Not to mention, four of them standing side-by-side in the same exact place at the same time. And the slim chances that they all became best friends just tops it off and I feel burning jealousy over the thought of it.

I'm not jealous over their friendship or their looks, just that they seem so happy. Joy and true contentment is a feeling I've chased all my life, but never quite gotten close enough to grasp. To know that my full potential with happiness is out of reach, but they're bathing in the feeling... it makes me feel even farther from getting to embrace positivity.

But maybe this is a sign. Maybe they are my opportunity to drown in the throes of joy. Maybe they're meant to be my happiness-- my contentment personified, depicted in the form of actual physical, human beings.

Could be. I've never looked for parts of myself in others because I've always felt that my own emotions are something I have to achieve on my own.

Maybe I've been looking at everything all wrong. Maybe... maybe my morals are outlandish and out of place to the point that I've been depriving myself of real chances to feel something.

I know this-- I literally see an open opportunity to pursue one of my biggest dreams right in front of me, and yet I'm still unable to move my feet. I can't make myself finally meet what I've always wanted.

I can't even tell my friends hello.

This is pissing me off. Why can't I fucking move? I flew out last minute and have spent hours waiting alone to surprise my friends, but I'm too cowardly to actually spend time with them? Absolutely pathetic. I'm disappointed in myself and I'm tired of feeling that way.

I pat a hand around the top of my drink until I grab onto my straw. I pull it into my mouth and gulp down liquid fire as I let my eyes continue wandering over The Faces repeatedly. Yea, I probably look like a creep but I won't be able to walk up to them unless I have something to boost my confidence. As far as I'm concerned, alcohol is the only confidence I have. And if I look away from the group, I could lose them. I don't want to trek through this minefield to find them again.

It takes me a moment to trick myself into thinking that the alcohol will take effect immediately, but my legs finally move. I feel like I'm floating-- and way too fast at that-- as I grow closer and closer to the group, looking to Ash like a lifeline. 

Out of everyone here, I'm closest with her and I'm begging, praying with just my eyes that she looks over and recognizes me and helps me grow accustomed to finally being around again.

More importantly, I hope no one is awkward with me. I think I'll just turn around and catch a plane back home if shit flops.

I get close enough to the point that Ash turns to me with a mix of curiosity and concern dancing in her eyes. I feel self-conscious beneath her gaze, but the look in her eyes slowly turns into something interesting and I find myself shrinking a bit as I stop my pursuit just two feet away from her.

My vans scuff the ground when I stop and I tilt my head up to look into her enthralling green eyes. My heart pounds wildly against my ribcage and my palms grow clammy all the while Ash simply grins down at me. Her irises twinkle, an intrigued look passing through her gaze.

"Hi," her soft, melodic voice purrs. "Nice to meet you."

Oh.

I'm thrown off by the fact that she can't recognize me, but when the mask is taken into account as well as the fact that she hasn't seen a photo of me since I was sixteen, it's understandable.

Not only that, I'm preoccupied on the thought that it seems she may be trying to flirt with me.

"Hi," I greet back, fighting off any possible signs of nervousness. I'll murder my anxiety if I can't play off my fear right now. One thing's for sure though, I don't have to worry about any awkwardness. "We've met before," I add in, giggling a bit.

I shock myself when the sound comes out a bit seductive. I don't mean to flirt back-- but what's the problem with that? Ash is my best friend for one, we flirt all the time, but she's also fucking stunning. I see no problems.

Ash tilts her head, scrunching her eyebrows as she flashes her perfect smile at me. Her eyes trail over my body and I instantly feel myself stiffen, heat washing over my cheeks. Her reaction to me is real-- this isn't us acting friendly because we know each other. This is Ash rizzing up a stranger.

"Really? I think I'd remember you if we've already met," she says with a soft laugh, chewing on her bottom lip as our eyes meet again. "When did you see me?"

I suck in a breath, trying to calm my fluttering heart and hot cheeks. "Instead of telling you," I say randomly without any thought, "How about we play a game? The group of you can try and guess who I am." Smiling, I glance over at Larry who's smirking down at me, his sharp eyebrows and deep gaze forcing that blush back to my cheeks.

Todd watches me, expressionless with his hands in the pockets of his neat pants. He doesn't move an inch. 

And I don't dare look at Sally who's been quiet too.

Ash narrows her eyes, pinching her lips together to contain a smile. She glances to Sally then over to Larry and Todd before focusing on me again. "Okay," she hums. "I love games."

I flinch back when she gravitates a bit closer to me, her gaze flickering over my mask then to my lips. Is this the same Ash who screamed in excitement over everything when I was younger? And scarier, I find my heart racing because her interest in me is exciting.

Two can play at this dangerous game.

I take another leisure sip of my drink, bringing it to my mouth with shaky hands as I turn my gaze to Ash's glossy lips. 

Her top lip is a bit bigger than her bottom lip. She has a soft cupid's bow accentuated by highlighter that was purposefully and meticulously placed there. Her lips look soft, plush. Maybe it's just the glitter or the way the lights reflect off her lipgloss. Either way, I'm sure she'd be fun to kiss.

What the fuck am I doing?

Ash leaves my field of vision almost immediately. I look up, noting that she's sat on the edge of the stage with a smirk on her hypnotizing lips like she knows she has me wrapped around her finger.

"So, Mystery Girl," she says, a seductive lilt to her sing-song voice. "Can you give me a little hint to start?"

I glance over, making eye contact with a concerned Sally Face. One of his elbows is propped on the stage behind him and the other is languidly resting on Ash's thigh. 

He watches me carefully, no doubt sizing me up. I've noticed that he finds threats to his group then carefully assesses them. The fact that I'm saying I know Ash probably raised alarm bells in his head.

I look over to Larry next, watching as he raises his eyebrows and turns his back to me, leaning his elbows on the stage as he watches Ash's side profile. He has a really nice, strong back, by the way. Also, I'd love to braid his hair one day.

Todd stays in his same position, he even rolls his eyes when Ash tilts her head at me, waiting for me to give her an answer.

But what kind of hint could I give her? Almost anything I'd say would make her figure me out immediately. I'm really having to think hard about this because everything that comes to mind is something she knows.

I'll have to be careful about this. I have to give her a hint of a hint. Something she may have a memory about, but doesn't know for sure.

I bring my straw to my lips, sipping until I get closer to the bottom. Straight fucking vodka. Damn that bartender.

"Sorry, I'm thinking of a hint. I don't want to give myself away," I muse, throwing a wink at Ash. She immediately grins. "That would take the fun out of the game, wouldn't it?"

Ash giggles cutely as Larry turns around again, watching me with narrowed eyes and a ghost of a smile on his lips. What is that hunk of hotness thinking? I already know what's going through Sal's head-- but is Larry on his level?

"You're right. Take your time," Ash says in her soft, lulling voice.

I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, still thinking as hard as I can. I'm coming up with blanks. I need to pull a rabbit out of a hat, but I'm going to have to stall until I get there.

"Want to hug me and see if it feels familiar?" I ask, narrowing my eyes and opening my arms. My hand tightens around my drink as it slowly slides through my fingers.

Ash's eyes widen slightly and she stands again, her feet tapping the ground once she slides off the stage. She looks off to the side and purses her lips, taking just a step toward me. "Can I kiss you instead and see if that feels familiar?"

My breath catches in my throat and the drink in my hand feels even more slippery as I try to jump over this shock hurdle. I need to get myself together and answer her instead of actually going with this insane proposition she's dropped on me like a weight. 

"We aren't familiar in that way, darling," I giggle lightly, letting my arms fall to my side.

Ash shrugs, a guilty grin pulling at her lips. "And? We can just do it anyway."

A deep, amused cackle makes me look past Ash and to Larry who has a hand over his mouth. "Sorry, couldn't hold back the laughs," he snickers. His sharp eyebrows arch further as he raises them at me. "You're in danger, MG."

"That's comforting," I say, laughing at Larry's failed attempt to hide his reaction to me and Ash's flirting. He's an evil little thing and clearly he chases a tense situation to get some laughs. "Maybe Ash is the one in danger."

My eyes cut over to Ash as she takes another step toward me. "Please let me find out if I'm in danger, I promise you won't regret it." She bends her knees just a bit for a moment, clasping her hands together with a mind-swaying look in her eyes. She's begging without words.

I glance at Sally quickly. He's still quiet, but he looks like he's on guard and intrigued at the same time.

Fuck, how do I get out of this. Todd's even standing up straight, watching us with a disgruntled look and curiosity in his eyes. They're expecting me to give in and I'm not entirely sure if I want to say no in the first place. Which is bad. 

I don't have any feelings other than platonic love for Ash, but I've missed her so much that I genuinely would love to kiss her senseless. It's like reconnecting with the other half of my heart for the first time in years-- which, honestly, that's exactly what this is.

"Do you care who I am, Ash?" I ask, tilting my head questioningly. If we're going to kiss, I want to make sure she isn't going to lose her entire head once she finds out who I am. 

"Yes, I want to know who you are. In regards to a kiss, I don't care who you are. When I find out, I'll probably be happy we kissed." She sends me a sweet little smile then licks her bottom lip.

"Okay. Then my only condition is that we are only friends and you have to remember that. Nothing will come of our kiss." I dip my head down a bit, trying to show that I'm being serious.

"If nothing will come of our kiss, then why are we going to do it?" She asks, starting to take quick steps toward me.

I take one step back, just to slow her down until we can finish this conversation. "We're going to do it because you're beautiful and I've missed you so much that I wouldn't be happy with anything less than a kiss."

Ash huffs out a laugh, growing close enough to take my hands into hers and yank me toward her. She towers over me and I have to tilt my head up to get a good view of her. "You must know me well then," she purrs, her expression filled with curiosity and eagerness. She's reckless. It's fun. "Are you ready?"

"I... think so?" I murmur, quickly licking my lips. Ash's cool hand trails up my arm and then to the base of my neck, pulling me closer to her. 

"If you don't want to, say no," Ash says honestly, leaning down so that we're face-to-face. She looks into my eyes, trying to tell me that it's okay to say no. She won't go through with this if I don't want to.

"I-- I want to, I'm just nervous--"

"Don't be nervous. It'll be quick." Ash's serious expression washes away as she glances at my lips then back to my eyes again, pretty smile enveloping her lips again. 

I nod, my heart thumping wildly against my chest as she leans forward. I grab onto Ash's wrist as her other hand gently brushes over my cheek.

And then her lips are on mine. She's still for a moment and so am I, just squeezing my eyes shut as I try to adjust to the feeling of her lips.

They're softer than I expected them to be, but sticky. And for that reason, I grip onto her wrist tighter because it feels like she's stuck to me and I'm not upset about it.

Ash takes my squeeze as a sign, tilting her head a bit. The movement causes her lips to slide perfectly against mine and butterflies flutter to life in my stomach. 

I kiss her back, enjoying the way Ash's lips mold to mine so deliciously. The feeling is addictive and if it weren't for her sudden intake of breath, I'd probably pull her even closer. But her reaction reminds me that we're in public and that this is just a little test.

Ash pulls away just as quickly as she kissed me. She was right-- it was quick. And I actually thoroughly enjoyed it.

My eyes flutter open and I look up. Ash's hands are still on either side of my face, but she watches me with a tilted head and narrowed eyes-- like she's trying to figure me out. Like... the kiss actually gave her a clue, which would make no sense.

Then, she leans forward and slams her lips on mine for just a second. I shake my head once she pulls away and look up at her with a puzzled expression that I just can't control. What the fuck.

"Is your name Victoria?" Ash turns her head to the side, eyes wide and brows furrowed like even she's confused.

I choke on air over the near accuracy. What the fuck kind of succubus is Ash? How on earth did a kiss give her the first two letters of my nickname? Is this some joke? Does she already know?

"No, my name isn't Victoria," I force out through coughs, wheezing as I blink through my tears.

Ash lets me go, putting a hand on her hip and another on her chin like a real Sherlock Holmes.

I glance over at the boys quickly. Larry has wide eyes and a shit-eating grin on his face. Sally's looking away from us with his hands resting between his legs. He isn't slick. Todd is just shaking his head.

Men.

"Well, who the hell are you?" Ash murmurs to herself. 

An audible, obnoxious sigh pulls my attention away from the viridian-eyed beauty again and I look over to Sally who hops off the stage and turns away from us quickly. "I'll be back," he murmurs with shaky breaths. "I'm going get a drink."

Larry snorts. "You lying bastard," he says, patting Sal's back. "You're just as gozzled as me right now."

Sally groans, walking away from Larry without a word. And Larry turns toward him, raising his arms. "What!?" he yells a bit louder as Sally disappears through the crowd. "I'm not wrong!"

"You kiss just like Victoria did," Ash suddenly says, pointing an accusing finger at me. She's gone from playful to serious in just a matter of minutes.

A laugh falls from my lips and my tense stance slackens a bit. "Oh, thank God." I twirl my drink again and shake my head. "I thought you just manifested that name from a kiss. I was freaked."

"Were you?" Ash narrows her eyes and takes a step toward me again. I find that deja vu feeling tickling the back of my brain. 

I swallow thickly, never answering as I look over to Larry with pleading eyes. He only shakes his head, flicking me off with a devious and beaming smile. No fucking help.

"So, was I close with the name then? Because why else would you be nervous." Ash pries, chewing on the inside of her cheek in thought. "Actually, what are you doing here? Why wouldn't you just tell us who you are? Are you someone that we don't like?"

My mouth gapes open like a fish, opening and closing while I fight for an answer. My mouth feels dry and my hands are clammy again. "N-No. You guys like me. You've never had any issues with me, well, Sally doesn't like me but other than that we've all gotten along very well. Incredibly well, in fact!" I hold my hands out in front of me just as Ash stops walking toward me. "You guys love me, well, I hope. Actually, I don't really know. Maybe you all hate my guts, I wouldn't be able to tell."

Ash looks confused, like she's trying to grasp onto what I just spewed at her. My answer didn't convince her, it just fucking confuzzled her.

"I can't believe it." I turn my head when Todd talks for the first time. He doesn't have that borderline angry look on his face anymore. In fact, his eyes are a bit wide and he isn't frowning. I'd say this is his excited face. "You're Vi."

I don't know what to say as my mouth falls open again. I just stare at Todd and that seems to confirm it for him, so I shut my mouth and swallow through the dryness on my tongue. My throat burns and it feels like my heart's dropped out of my ass. I expected everyone to be stuck for hours, not for fucking Todd to sniff me out in just five minutes.

Larry suddenly scrambles into a standing position, his expression the first one I've seen tonight that isn't smiling. His lips are parted and his eyebrows are bunched together like someone just told him Dolly Parton died.

I pull my eyes away from the two men and look up at Ash, noting her slackened expression. Then, suddenly, she's become the same person I see on videos and talk to over the phone. The same best friend that I joke and bicker with. 

In her soft, surprised, high-pitched voice, Ash asks, "Is that really you, Vi?"

There are tears on her waterline, but then there's hope in her eyes. Hope in the way she takes a stumbled step toward me with her hands clutched to her chest like she doesn't know what to do with them.

And I can't tell her I'm not Vi. She looks so torn up in the best way and it would tear me up too if I wasn't honest with her.

"Yea," I rasp out. "It's me, Ash."

Ash turns into a blur as I'm lifted from my feet with immense screams of joy filling my ears. Ash throws me around like a dog's chew toy and bellows so many indecipherable things that I'm taken aback for a moment, but overall relishing in the joy that seeps from her and into me.

"You told me you weren't fucking coming, Vi, what the fuck!? And it's been like ten years! Where the fuck? How-- What-- Where did you come from? How did you get here!?" Ash shrieks into my ear, a sob or two getting twisted into her words.

I chew on my lips, finally wrapping my arms around Ash's neck as she continues to throw me around like I weigh nothing. Hell, she has some upper body strength.

Tears start to sting my eyes as all of my senses are filled. I can smell Ash's coconut scented shampoo, I can taste her strawberry lipgloss mixed with my tears, I can hear her screams mixed with the music around us, I can feel each strand of soft hair and her heart beating wildly against my chest, and I can see Larry and Todd's excited and shocked expression every time Ash swings me toward them again.

"I know. But it doesn't matter because I made it here," I laugh through trembling lips. I sniff when the sound of my own voice hits my ears. Fuck, just hearing that I'm hardly holding it together makes me want to break.

"You're so fucking right. Oh my gosh," Ash cries, finally dropping me to my feet but never unwrapping her arms from my waist.

She squeezes me tightly, then abruptly pulls away, holding me at arms length with mascara bleeding down her red cheeks. "Holy fuck, Vi. You let me kiss you!?" She looks absolutely bamboozled, like she truly can't wrap her head around the fact that our lips touched.

"Uh," I spit out, still reeling from being twirled around like a bug stuck on a carousel. "Yea. We kissed. I told you my conditions. What, do you regret it now?" I narrow my eyes playfully.

Ash slaps a hand to her chest like she's appalled. "What? Hell no, I could never regret it! I just can't believe we fucking kissed!?"

"I can't believe you guys kissed and haven't fucking included me yet. Your turn is over, Ash!" Arms wrap around my middle and I find myself being throw around like a test dummy yet again. This time, the perpetrator is Larry. "I can't fucking believe you're here!" he bellows.

"This entire night is full of you guys being non-believers!" I yell once my feet touch the ground again. Larry spins me around to face him and I feel like I'm going to cry again just over the big smile of excitement on his face. "You guys better start believing because I'm here in the flesh."

Larry bends over to reach me, wrapping me up in a big, strong hug. And, oh yea, I take the opportunity to drag my hands up his muscular arms as I hug him back.

"Stop feeling me up, Vi. Your kiss with Ash was hot enough," Larry laughs into my hair, giving me a squeeze.

I can't help but laugh and quickly wrap my arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop myself. I never imagined you'd be so jacked."

"Ha, yea, I honestly didn't see it in my future either, but here we are," he murmurs before pulling away. He looks down at me, tears fucking brimming his eyes too. "Fuck, dude. I might cry. You're such an awesome chick," he says breathily, pretending to wipe tears from his cheeks.

I pinch my lips together and give him my best unimpressed look. "Come on, we're supposed to be strong. No more crying," I tell him.

"Maybe the tears will go away if I get a kiss too.." Larry rolls his eyes very obnoxiously. His gaze cuts to me then he immediately looks away again, being as playful as always.

I sigh, grabbing onto his cheeks. "Come here, jackass," I say, growing excited as I pull him close to me.

Larry murmurs out a "fuck yea" before I quickly press my lips to his. It's a little kiss, shorter than me and Ash's but I was just as eager to do it since I haven't seen him in so long.

When I pull away, Larry scrunches his face up and splutters, wiping at his mouth. "Dammit, Ash," he says, fake gagging. "Why'd you have to kiss Vi first with that stupid lipgloss? That shit is disgusting."

"Hey!" Ash scoffs, walking toward us. "Don't hate on my very expensive, very amazing lipgloss! And besides, Vi seemed to like it well enough."

I scoot my way out of their argument and tiptoe my way to Todd who greets me with a soft smile. I smile back at him and he opens his arms to me immediately. 

My insides jump around in excitement as I jump into Todd's hug, scrunching the fabric of his blazer in my hands. "It's so nice to see you, Todd," I murmur into his shoulder. He smells like cedar trees. 

"It's nice to see you, too, Vi. Sorry I figured you out so quickly," he laughs softly, giving me a squeeze before separating from our embrace. He puts his hands into his pockets then switches his weight to his other foot. 

"It's no issue," I say, waving him off. "I'm really happy actually. I wouldn't have been able to say it myself."

He scoffs lightly, patting my shoulder. "Clearly. Grow a backbone, huh?"

I can't help but giggle as I pat his elbow in return. Todd watches me with a soft look, like he's genuinely happy to see me and that thought feels me with even more joy. Everyone's happy to see me.

Well... almost everyone.

"Vi, what the fuck are we going to do about Sal?" Ash suddenly hisses worriedly, her hands clamping onto my shoulders as she shoves her face next to mine from behind. "He's going to be so pissed!"

"It's alright," I breathe, squeezing my eyes shut as I remember that I still have some true bullshit to handle. "I'm cool," I settle on then turn my head, looking Ash in her pretty green eyes. "I've got this."

________________

A/N::::::: holy shit HI WE'RE DOING CRAZY STUFF

this was supposed to be two chapters. Yep. Somehow, these 11,347 words got fused into one even though they were meant to be separate. I couldn't leave you guys hanging again though, so here we are &lt;3

thank you so much for the continued support. I love you all so much! have a wonderful day/evening/night. tons of kisses!! <333

P.S. I AM EXHAUSTED I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS CHAPTER FOR TWO FUCKING WEEKS

[toxicanonymity]

Do you ever struggle with feelings of discouragement or inadequacy if your fics don’t do as well as you had hoped?

I’m struggling with that myself. I try not to get so hung up on it but it’s very hard, especially when something I’m so proud of doesn’t do as well as my other works.

I don’t even feel motivated to write bc I don’t wanna set myself up for disappointment

Discouragement, sure, I think that's natural sometimes. But I really don't feel like stats have anything to do with adequacy. Baring my soul, yuck. But fuck it we ball. Sorry it's a long answer.

I don't think I've ever answered a serious ask aside from the time i created Dr. rock which hardly counts but I've seen a lot of people struggling with this lately and hope this might be idk comforting to a person or two without leading to debate/discourse.

You mentioned something you're proud of isn't doing as well as your other works, and I can see how that would be disappointing. For laughs, I'll compare 2 of mine. These fics are impossible to compare (as are most, I think) but I def understand the urge to measure yourself against what you see as the potential. Aches: <1k popular trope I banged out in no time, wasn't sure about it, literally thought "people don't have to like it" before I hit post. >4 notes per word. Left in Lincoln: >22k posted so far, challenging, writing it for months. Has possibly driven me crazy bc I had this passing thought the other day and not about TLOU. (I didn't feel like re-reading it all): "I should just rewatch the movie. . .wait." 🤡 The whole Lincoln series combined has fewer notes than Aches lmao. But it's far more rewarding in getting to see it come to life, quality of engagement, and stretching myself 😏. It's not for everyone, for various reasons. Surely would have better stats without the twist I went with. But at what cost??

-------

Often, if people don't read or like something, it's a reflection of their own interests, limitations, and assumptions. And the right "fit."

I don't rly read much in general, but specifically, I rarely read long stuff (if I do I prob scan a lot tbh). I normally only want, if any, just enough plot/premise to build sexual tension. I don't read fluff or angst. I don't have the attention span / commitment to get invested in original characters. I tend to avoid stuff similar to what I'm working on. I make assumptions - If there's no word count, maybe it's too long. I know a lot of the fics I skip for these reasons must be fantastic. Assumptions I experience - I've seen very popular fics in the wild that strike me as dark, creepy, or pervy but aren't tagged that way. So some things that are tagged dark, etc., including plenty of mine, might not be dark in the way people assume based on their own ideas, or based on what others do tag. Also some people think I only write dark when sometimes it's just horny (see master list).

I've sometimes found myself thinking "It sucks more people don't read this bc i bet they would enjoy it" (not just my own fics). It might sound egotistical but I think it's often true.

------

Of course I want engagement because that means more people reading something which can mean more interaction, discussion, learning what you liked, what you think, etc. that's what I love.

But notes aren't rly near the top of what I care about, even though it does feel great to get them and I truly appreciate every single one.

Night walks doesn't get nearly as many notes as some of my other stuff, especially these days, but it's fun to write and I like to feed his feral fans who only get more into him with time. Same with raider: among those who do read and engage, I sense rising enthusiasm, thirst, and rate of falling in love with him (my bad). That's all worth more than 1000 likes to me. I have a good time writing these guys, so I write them more than other ones that get way more notes 🤷. I'm not saying notes don't matter at all, I know they affect exposure and engagement. But if just did what gets notes, I don't think I'd have such high quality engagement bc I'd just bang out more stuff with the most popular tropes instead of our fave Joels and those destined to become our faves bc they offer something special.

My outlook was the same before I had so many followers btw. Rock Bottom (22k) was what I felt like writing, still more ambitious than anything I've done in the Halloween fandom. I was disappointed it got way less attention than my one shots, but I know it's a banger, just certainly not for everyone lol.

-

I'm sorry for what you're experiencing and feeling, but I think it's very common and hope you can reframe it to not feel inadequate. I especially hope it doesn't discourage you from writing. ❤️

[numbknee]

i relate to that bottom/top kyman post so much dude lol. everyone's allowed to have their opinions or whatever but wow i am not a fan of most people's depiction of it. like most sub kyle art just screams fetish-y to me instead of actually being in character - there's no way in hell kyle would let cartman do most of the things he makes him do LMAO

Thanks man 🙏 I totally agree, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks this. I don't mean to "yuck someone's yum" because tbf people can do what they want with their own art (including fetish stuff), and I'm not gonna tell anyone to stop making art that makes them happy just because it's not to my personal taste. But it's just SO pervasive that it's got me second-guessing myself like "have I been wrong about this the whole time??"

Another thing that really bothers me about these depictions of submissive Kyle is that a lot of them come across as inherently antisemitic, though tbf I don't think ppl do on purpose. There's a great masterpost about this by @urspopinionsareshit (who's not a kyman shipper). She's gotten beef from the larger fandom in the past for calling out antisemitic portrayals of Kyle, especially in ships like style or kyman, but imo the hate she gets is completely unwarranted because... she's right!! So often you see Kyle in fanworks depicted as weak, submissive, unathletic, sickly, timid, inexperienced, etc. which just screams "stereotypical Jew", but all of these traits are unequivocally not in his character. Kyle is Jewish, but he is also strong, aggressive, sporty, argumentative, and intelligent. Again, I think most ppl don't do this stereotyping on purpose, but it's a really insidious phenomenon that you see everywhere in this fandom.

Ultimately it's all subjective interpretation and maybe I'm just kind of bitter that my own preferences/interpretations are harder to find in the fandom 🤷‍♀️🫠 but wcyd. I'm not gonna go around policing the kind of art ppl want to make. However, and this was mentioned in the replies of my prev post, I would still appreciate if more of it was at least tagged, esp anything with specific fetishes, so I could set up filters for it on twitter or AO3 and curate the fandom space to my own preferences better.

[housewarningparty]

Character ask game Rachel Amber?

General opinion/How much I care about them: BACHEL BAMBER MY ORIGINAL CHARACTER OC. Okay obviously not really but part of me will always think of her that way a bit - Kae and I DID start intensely working on Rachel fic before BTS was even announced. And I still think we did a better job writing her. Anyway obviously yeah I love her I find her so compelling. Being charming and beloved is such a part of who she is, but she's also got this darker side, this bottomless pit in her that always wants more more more and doesn't know how to fully let herself connect with someone that loves her because to do so would require her to compromise something else she wants. It's such a compelling central struggle, I love teasing it out. 8 years on and I'm still not normal about Rachel Amber

A ship I love: AMBERPRICEFIELD PEAK!!!!! I love the yearning and tragedy of Amberprice, the way they're slightly toxic. I think Amberfield is really sweet too. But put all that together and you've got a real meal.

A non-romantic relationship that I love: idk. Always liked writing the Joyce/Rachel relationship in HTLH. And I love Rachel/Dana friendship. Bicons tbh. Of course there's also Rachel/Victoria which (in my head) is a deeply one-sided looney Tunes ass relationship where Victoria is horny and scheming and filled with hate and Rachel just is like. "Victoria? Lmao ew"

The NOTP: I find Rachel/Frank compelling on a character level but I think he's an interesting mistake for her to make not a relationship I want to see progress. Jefferson/Rachel is, of course, the ultimate NOTP. Ditto to Nathan. Yuck.

My biggest headcanon about them: tons just tons but I love longboard Rachel Amber the most

An idea for a fanfiction I would like to write/read about them: (if I have none in my WIPs I'll make one up on the spot!) Lmao. I mean. I still wish we could finish HTLH someday - I dumped all my fave HCs into it, every time I find myself trying to come up with another Amberpricefield fic idea I realize I'm just doing HTLH again. Alas.

Something that makes me think of them: (a song, a character in another fandom, an animal, anything) me and Kae do have extensive Rachel Amber playlists but #1 Rachel Amber anthem of all time for me is "L.A. Looks" by HEALTH. absolute banger

Character Asks

[dillweedshole]

A really fucking big post entirely about Karrie and (most of) my history with her

i feel like i've rarely touched my ocs in ages so here's one about my favourite. this one's got a hell of a developmental story.

(it's big enough to warrant a Read More lmao)

This is Karrie. You've probably seen her, you may or may not like her, i don't care, i like her. The big fucking thing behind her is also her, that's her Monarch form.

So how shocked would you be if I told you this is how she started?:

Yuck. Gross. This was EARLY 2021 I absolutely COULD do better than that. Let's not talk about the MSPaint Line Tool lineart and instead talk about how she acted. She was a woman. No, there really isn't that much more, I went back and read through my first canned series and I shit you not she really is just super fucking boring.

V2 was still bog-standard basic ol' Karrie. Just, y'know, now the art is a little better. She's still the same fucking woman but now she's just not.. Yuck, y'know?

Now, one day for Lex I made him an alternate 'Twisted' form. I decided "well, damn, i'm bored" and made one up for Karrie. I had plans for lore revolving around Lex's form but Karrie's was to be completely non-canon.

See? Even in late 2021 I was bad at listening to myself.

This is Twisted Karrie. Believe it or not, I don't know how she would act. This and one other drawing are the only ones with this exact design.

The plans were still in effect, I was not going to give her any canonicity whatsoever, this was just me dicking around. .. And then my friend Numi drew this;

(image link: https://www.deviantart.com/cuteario-numi/art/Creepy-twisted-Karrie-888840902)

And then something clicked. Obviously she's a better artist than me, let's not call an orange an apple, that shit slaps does it not??

So i decided to do something to the design because i didn't know where to go with the original one, and i took a couple bits and pieces from what she made here.

Twisted 2.0. Give her arms more beef, puff out that dress, elongate the hair, make her eyes big gaping holes, and make her mouth all melty and tear-y.

Honestly, this was good enough for me at the time. just enough cool but not too much that it became stupid to draw.

Not many more changes happened to Karrie after twisted for a while, she was just gonna be normal woman with dark secret!!

(i also redid the one drawing numi did with the new look.)

And then one day, i just decided to add a single little point of lore, that her Base form should look like the Twisted form is kinda leaking into it, and drew her with that in mind.

We can now see current Karrie peeking out.

This set a spark something fucking FIERCE after that one tidbit she's never been the same.

I spent a good like two months refining the design, she had a small phase where she looked like she had absolutely zero fucking self control.

This was also when I introduced an bigger lore tidbit: Her trainer dies. That's the smoking gun for her going Twisted/Monarch.

You can clearly see that I struck fucking GOLD with the story details, eventually I just decided to calm her down a bunch and now we're about where we are now.

At least for Base Karrie. Let's go back to Twisted for a second.

For a little while she was a little stagnant. I didn't change a whole lot for a while.

Then not long after I finally made Base Karrie good, I decided "how about her Twisted form look like her Base a little more."

I think this was around when I changed "Twisted" to "Feral." That name change also changed her behavior a LOT. She went from "Scared, Defensive Demon" to "Malicious, Cunty Demon" and that's about where Feral should've been.

The only big visual change was really in the hair. She stayed like this for a couple months.

I was drawing for Powerless and i think at some point i decided "Well. That dress fucking sucks. Let's change it."

For a while this was still Feral, but this is basically Monarch as we know it now.

And uh, That's about it. You can definitely SEE my art getting better throughout each design, too.

She's gone from "Woman Side Character" to "Bad Bitch Main Character" especially considering lore.

I can definitely try doing one for Lex, he's had a relatively decent history too, but Karrie's had the most remarkable mixup of any of my characters (asides from her trainer dying lmao gotem ez).

[miqojak]

Combo of short answer to what is Jak's identity?

and

Is her environment supportive about her identity? How does this impact her?

Pride OC Asks

A tough one! I spent a long time looking for the right term(s) for her, actually (which was great for educating myself on other identities OOC!). She was quite sex-repulsed, and didn't/doesn't like to be touched (except by one specific person, and that's after a lot of effort on his part to make her feel safe). I kept hovering around the pseudo-ace spectrum... but her repulsion was out of trauma, not a genuine lack of desire? Though she remains kind of put off by the idea that so many people can and do just have sex with almost anyone - it's mind-boggling to her... people will be at their literal most vulnerable around a stranger just to... mate??

It's so hard to put any one specific term on it, though - she approached relationships through the lens she grew up with, in a tribe, so traditional marriage is confounding, and she sort of sees polyamory as the default (for herself, at least - though she is in a monogamous relationship at present bc her partner is not poly).

As for the types of people she can be attracted to? Gender isn't a big deal - she's just never met a female/non-male OC who could meet her high standards for what she seeks in a lover! But that leaves me holding a handful of terms like Sapiosexual, Demisexual, Bisexual, and potentially Grey Romantic. (The things that would be 'romantic' to her aren't often things others would find romantic, and traditional romantic gestures are... well, kind of gross and performative to her - based in societal expectations and not actual, genuine affection - like giving flowers/chocolates, etc). She's attracted to someone who can challenge her - but also someone who won't judge the broken person she is, so much as always help her to reach for higher heights, and constant self-betterment. Intelligence is important... but so is understanding her, and how her mind works - she's very different from normal people, and knows it - and what's the point of letting someone in, if they just judge and criticize who you are? She would almost prefer that her partner have achieved more than her, as well - maybe even be stronger/smarter, the better to challenge her - and not necessarily book smart, so much as clever in the ways of the world, in practical/useful ways. (Plus there's her god complex that says she will not be with someone not 'worthy' of her/beneath her... this could encompass a lot of things, lmao! But getting to be intimate with her is a gift! Not just anyone gets that.) Honestly pansexual may even be better than bi as a term? I inevitably use them interchangeably for myself, lol. Gender is irrelevant - if you're a simpleton and a fool (or an optimist /cough), she wants none of it.

As for her environment? There's no homophobia on Hydaelyn! Be queer as fuck!! Hooray!! Other than that, her polyamory has been the sticking point for the men who have been in her life - in the end I think they just hated the other guys she was with, and then one of them cheated on her and tried to claim he was suddenly poly (yuck), and in the end the last lover left was the fellow she would do anything not to lose, and was absolutely fine with him wanting her not to be in other relationships... all it took was a simple conversation to express that he didn't like it! Amazing what trouble you can save by talking to your partner about what bothers you, and talking through it before hurt happens!

I don't think she would ever feel ashamed of these facets of herself though - the ways in which she hates herself and feels monstrous at least have nothing to do with her sexuality/gender identity. But if you tried to talk gender identity with her, she'd mostly be confused about it all... just tell her your pronouns, so she can insult you properly... she doesn't need to understand why they're different: she detests all people equally!

[monstrouslyobsessed]

just answering some asks real quick, no writing today but i am working on some n'sfw art of my fave lesbian beastfolk characters. hoping to finish and share that one (but sadly censored) tonight!

cw: mentions of a certain horror hentai, beastfolks

thank you for the quick reply! I am super psyched about the possibility of a book of beast au, like holy moly I'd read it/buy it! And no worries on me selling the fan idea or claiming your idea, its more like me doing fanfiction of my fav author work as fan love ;3 —anonymous

dawwwwwww thank you!! <3 you're a sweetheart!!! do whatever you want! i'm super down to see your (and literally anyone else's) takes on my au~ we need more furry beastman x human tbh.

still a slim possibility tho! it'd be more of a compilation book more than anything as it'd be easier for me to do than to do chapter by chapter thing (and honestly, i wouldn't know who to focus on! i accidentally made the au too vast, rip). the only thing that would kinda suck is having to come up with the identity of mc's in each story, since it's super nice not having to think too much about who the mc is when i write reader x monster. i don't think reader x stories would sell well, though, and especially not the dead dove kind.

but that's alright, it just means i can write the mc's being in the minority if and when i wanted to c: disabled mc's are not something you'd see represented often being one myself and i'd so much love to contribute somehow.

Have you seen puss in boots? —anonymous

i dont...watch many movies lmao but im guessing this is about death the wolf? my friends were all over him! even the ones who aren't into yandere/dd stuffs.

i'll have to see if i can find that film on netflix or prime then and make some time for it

Omg, I didn’t listen to you and I read that hentai fully out of curiosity and wow that’s fucked (and scary) —anonymous

oh nonnie NOOOOOOO-

you poor soul D: it IS a horror hentai though, i should've specified in the initial post (sorry!), but fuck some of them are...

yeah, half of it is extremely fucked indeed. ymmv, but outside the ones involving...minors (shudders), the cow head and the monkey on train are just...no, with the former especially being the worst one and probably the most fucked up of them all. the tall lady and the scarecrows/women in the field would've been...passable to good if they hadn't involved minors, simply because i liked the initial premises. :\ the snake-god would've been a 10/10 for me if the mc is older and less...bratty, but as it is, 8/10 and all of the points i gave were because of the monster's gorgeous unique take on lamia/naga design (that monster lady is a chef's kiss and makes my gay ass heart happy) and her tragic backstory.

idk about the 6-armed snake-god one specifically, but i've heard/read that all the others were based on the Japanese lores. the cow one was supposedly already super gross in the first place though the artist could've just...not do that one and the rest, yeah.

i was able to deal with the statue ones and the worm god fine because...at least they all looked like adults who fell into bad situations they couldn't get out of. the monster on the road is...well, it'd be better if it didn't look like an old man :\ rest i just straight up skimmed through with my eyes half shut and completely skipping the cow head one first few pages in.

…sufficient to say, i only read monster / horror hentai's based on friends' recs than looking for them myself these days. way too many involving minors, which is…unfortunate. yucks.

i'm very, very sorry i led you down there and endured all of that, nonnie dear. D:> i'll go back and edit that post to warn others.

[six-of-ravens]

okay, fuck it. not going to the work teambuilding thing. going to shift yesterday's events to today and say "sorry the dealership says they need to keep my car until 4:30 instead of 2:30 whoopsies"

i really just don't wanna do VR or have to deal with work stuff (bad enough that I keep impulsively checking the skype chat lmao). also I just know they're going to make me play the gory zombie game and I really. do not want to play the gory zombie game. zombies are very much not my thing. like, one of my least favourite horror tropes. they yuck me out SO bad.

sooooooo gonna stay home and have a nice day to myself and make pumpkin ravioli and watch the Blair Witch Project bc while zombies are Out, creepy witch legends are In.

[homenecromancer]

ive found myself backed in to making a venmo account* after avoiding it for like a decade, and my fucking god this website is ugly lmao. i forget the name for this particular kind of dreadful corporate art (corporate Memphis?) but yuck

i honestly spend most of my internet time on about five websites, all of which are fairly simple in design or very seldom receive minor updates. so whenever i wander onto websites with this kind of 2020s design language it sincerely is a kind of culture shock for me lmao. the hell is this noodly-armed bullshit

*it was this or, like, mail a physical check to another state