#And in the sequel the way you fight Wheatley
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a robot shibari'd with its own wires. you agree, yes? reblog
#Portal#Like it's barely even a metaphor#She's tied up and hanging from the ceiling#And can't do anything until you remove the key bit that's keeping her controlled#And in the sequel the way you fight Wheatley#Is by going up and down and around him#Layering more locks to his body
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Played Portal revolution
6.5/10
It was good cooking, but should've stayed in the Pan for a little longer and had a little too much salt.
Spoilers below
The Good Parts:
Stirling and Emilia are very funny. I liked their dialogues and interactions, as well as their designs.
Stirling felt very much like Wheatley, Virgil, and Nigel, while also being demonstrably different and personable.
Emilia was unique and I enjoyed hearing about her backstory, as well as the fact she's very human, which makes sense.
I like the the Player Character's design.
The first Dual Portal device looks really cool, the exposed wires, the cracked glass, the scaffolding beneath the cover being exposed are all very good. The Jiggle Physics on the loose prong at the front was a nice touch.
The Second was a nice Red color, and the new portal colors were cool. It looked nice as well.
Being able to be outside was a nice change of pace, you know, being able to see that sun and the sky.
The Added mechanics of the Breaker Switches was really cool, and it made sense - the Aerial Faith Plates and such turning off when there was no power was interesting.
The Linked Weighted Pivot Cubes were also very cool, and was a very much appreciated new mechanic.
Bringing the Pipes in as part of it was fun. I always liked their designs.
The Bad parts
We spent too little time with Stirling and Emilia, the amount of time we spent with the one-portal device felt excessive (I Audibly said "No Shit" when Stirling made the Quip about finally finding the Dual portal device) and I think having us change between the Red and Broken ones wasn't necessary - it was neat, but I feel like we should've had just one, because then it would've been our only constant ally when we would be separated from the Cores, as well as making the use of the portal Guns seem less special, given we find just a random working one.
What is Stirling plan? Bring Glados Back, and try to mitigate the damage she does to Aperture and the Humans and Cores inside of it? Glados started this (well Cave did, but semantics) She was killing Test subjects, and the one that survived had to kill her to survive. Maybe he's just scared of seeing his home fall apart so he takes his anger out on Chell, even though He's working to save it and put a killer on the throne.
The mechanics I mentioned above (Breaker Switch, linked Cubes, Pipes) were severely under utilized, especially when in the boss fight, it would've been so cool to have to use them to take out turrets and launch blocks and turn of certain sections of the Spire to traverse!
Some of the writing felt off? Like, Stirling presents the dangers of everything with way too much forwardness. he should've said something more like "Yeah try not to stand under that too long, You'll just make a Mess. I mean, who would guess skin would stick to panels so hard after sloughs off from that stuff."
Emilia is too smart for how human she is, which does break the immersion a little bit, and she doesn't freak out nearly enough for what happened to her. I think her voice is too clear as well, and should've had a filter on it.
Also there was a fair bit of Map Geometry that hindered movement an awful lot, getting stuck on random unseen objects and not being able to jump properly.
And the ending is Disappointing. In Portal you get out, and are dragged back in. in Portal 2 you get out. In PS: Mel, you get out, with Virgil is genuinely sad you have to leave. Nigel's a little bitch and kills you even if you extinguish the fire.
no matter what you do in Revolution, the Spire Blows, you're critically injured and on the moon. Presumably you do survive given you see stuff happening and Hear the record Emilia left, so either there's a sequel in the works, or it's just disappointing.
So I suppose I should give it the benefit of the doubt since you get dragged back in in Portal, but that was changed after Portal 2 came out I'm pretty sure.
TL;DR
There's a lot of little things I like, a few big things I thought were interesting.
There's some stuff I would've loved to see more of, some questions unanswered as of writing this.
There are a few things I disliked, but none of it ruined the game. I had fun, and will likely play again.
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Actually, more info about the development of the game’s ending:
"A particular point of struggle was the game's ending. They knew from the first game that it was important that the final challenge not be the most difficult of the game, but rather focus on story. But early versions were terrible, and it was getting dangerously late in production when they still had no idea how to end it. Flopsweat soaked meetings, Wolpaw explained, had the writing team failing to get anywhere with a finish that was good enough. One version saw an incredibly anticlimactic finale, fighting the corrupted Wheatley, in which turning the machine off involved uttering the word "Yes". Chell was to speak! Just one word, but a word that would end everything. "And it sucked," said Wolpaw. But then, strangely enough, it was some goof endings that saved them.
Playtesting the first game had revealed that there were some players willing to die in the game's false ending. As they descended toward the fire pit they accepted their fate, and were perfectly happy to let the game end there, before the final third's dramatic escape sequence. Which inspired the team to put in opportunities like this into the sequel. A number of points where the game could just end if the player let it, even only minutes in. There would be a song for each, appropriate to the nature of the death, and frankly that sounds brilliant. And one of these planned endings was to have you be abandoned on the moon.
A scene was going to have a crack in the ceiling, through which the moon was visible. A player adventurous enough to try firing a portal that way would find themselves transported into the vacuum and asphixiate, after which a song about how sad it was to die on the moon would play. And it was this that they finally realized was a big enough, and funny enough idea to put on the end."
— “The Portal 2 That Could Have Been” an article from Rockpapershotgun
Anyway, the point is that the devs weren’t very focused in making Wheatley’s character motivations consistent with his established cowardly and vulnerable personality and Stephen Merchant ended up doing a lot of the legwork when it came to giving Wheatley the emotional depth that he had during the boss battle:
"We certainly let him chew on the material, and develop it. If there was a way that his character would say it differently, we definitely gave him the freedom to explore. One of the most surprising things is that there’s a bit of range to Stephen Merchant that I don’t want to spoil. But he’s more than just funny at times, and it was a real eye-opener to me that he had this much range."
- Jay Pinkerton
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Coming Attractions August 2023
As usual, we present monthly previews of new movies being released. These are the movies that will be hitting your local cinemas (and streaming services) this month:
August 4th
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (August 2nd) - Based on a screenplay co-written by Seth Rogen comes a new animated film about everyone’s favorite team of reptiles.
Meg 2: The Trench - Jason Statham returns to fight Megaldons in this sequel to 2018′s The Meg. Ben Wheatley (High-Rise) directs this for some reason.
Shortcomings - Randall Park directed this comedy-drama based on a graphic novel of the same name. Adrian Tomine, who wrote and drew the comic, returns to pen the adaptation’s screenplay.
August 11th
The Last Voyage of the Demeter - Based on the chapter “The Captain’s Log” from the 1897 Bram Stoker novel Dracula comes this new supernatural horror film. I love the premise here, why adapt Dracula a hundredth time when you can just do a single chapter justice>
Heart of Stone - Gal Gadot stars in this upcoming spy action thriller for Netflix. If you haven’t guessed yet, Gadot plays a woman named Stone on the hunt for something called “The Heart.” Or is it the other way around, I can’t remember.
August 18th
Blue Beetle - Jamie Reyes jumps off the page and onto the big screen in this superhero adaptation starring Xolo Maridueña.
Strays - Will Ferrell and Jamie Foxx lend their voices to dogs in this new R-rated comedy
August 25th
Gran Turismo - Neill Blomkamp directs this biographical sports drama about a Gran Turismo video game player who made the leap to becoming a real race car driver.
Now for a quick look ahead to September, my top picks for next month are A Haunting in Venice, Flora and Son, and Dumb Money.
-MB-
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Okay so I've spent the last three days almost exclusively playing portal 1 and 2, and I've so many thoughts.
First off, portal 2 is literally a perfect sequel. Expands on the first game not only in terms of game play, but also lore. There's a huge amount more game to play, and a far stronger element of exploration to the game, which adds to the out of the box thinking the game loves to promote. Portal 1, while I love it, really just sets up the basic idea of how to use portals and boxes, it's portal 2 that truly goes ham, not only expanding on these two basic elements, but also inventing more complex materials to work with.
Portal 1 also has very scarce lore; Rattmans caves, Glados having killed everyone else in the facility, and the sentience of the turrets/companion cube being the main few points. In comparison, portal 2 is chock full of a story that is paced beautifully.
Second, the theme of loneliness in the story is so heart wrenching when you think abt it for more than a second. Portal 1 is lonely in the sense that (as far as you know), you are completely alone in a testing facility because of a recently gone-rogue AI. (Yes ik Rattman is in fact alive throughout the first game but there's no way for the player to know this given that he never physically appears. It's only through the comics that we learn abt him properly).
But portal 2 drives the loneliness factor to the Max. Not only are you still trapped in the place you fought so hard to escape, you are now in a future you don't recognise. You're fighting to escape more on principle than anything else by now, because what is there to escape to? The outside world isn't your home anymore, nowhere is. The closest thing you have left is a testing facility in which you will certainly be killed if you stay too long.
You have no one truly on your side, ever. Wheatley is the closest the game ever comes to giving you an actual companion, and he immediately betrays you the first chance he gets. You're forced to work alongside your worst enemy, knowing she will probably destroy you immediately upon victory over Wheatley. Even when she doesn't, you only survive because of her mercy, she could easily have killed you a thousand times over, as the final few scenes of the game prove.
And then there's Cave and Caroline. A lonely man who's dying voice has been left to play through the abandoned salt mines turned testing facility. His original work lies discarded, centuries of science rest destroyed in layers all the way up to the surface.
Caroline is held in your hand most of the way through the salt mines, though neither you or her have any way of realising this until halfway through. Caroline, one of the few humans Cave loved, has become inhuman in his death, through his orders. Caroline doesn't even remember herself, let alone the man who preserved some level of her essence.
One thing I think portal 1 does better is the way in which the structure of the testing chambers emphasise your loneliness. The windows through which you are so clearly meant to be observed, the abandoned mad man's dens hidden in the walls. The absence of people is felt to keenly
Third, the expansion of the relationship between Chell and Glados in portal 2 is so profound. Portal 1 establishes that Glados hates your guts, but she's clearly intrigued by you in a way she just cannot let go of. So many of her decisions are irrational regarding you. Yes, it is built into Glados to want to test, but portal 2 proves that she can build robots capable of doing so, and was in the process of doing just that even in portal 1. Keeping you around to test on is inviting problems to her doorstep, and she does it anyways. And even after you attempt to kill her, her final act before collapsing herself is to preserve you in a cryo chamber rather than destroy you.
And portal 2 makes it even more clear that Glados is drawn to Chell in a way she cannot help or deny. She keeps Chell around to test on even after she's proved herself to be a borderline unstoppable nuisance, she attempts to spend her precious few facilities to talk to you while in potato form, and again, she doesn't kill you at the end, but let's you go.
Her insults in this game have a clearly fond edge to them, and her greeting of you when you both meet again is so full of emotion.
Fourth, the continued theme of AI intelligence is so fascinating. The oracle turret, the defective turrets, Wheatley, and all the funky weird little cores at the end are such fascinating additions to the game. The first portal introduced the concept of the turrets (and potentially companion cubes) being sentient, but didn't do much with it apart from making the turrets creepy (and also hauntingly sad) with their limited dialogue. But portal 2 opens up so many new pathways by making exceptions to this in the previously mentioned defective and oracle turrets. Even Wheatley is a fascinating addition, he's so full of personality in a way that is diametrically opposed to Glados.
Fifth, the continued presence of Rattman and his obsession with Chell is so haunting, especially if, like me, you only read the comics after playing both games. I thought this man was still alive until fairly recently when first playing the game, and some of the artwork by him at the start of the game does seem to imply this.
Just. Ugh. Portal strings together the bare bones of narratives so perfectly. The history of every character is so long and completely not fleshed out, all we ever see is the briefest glance of any of them. We see the most of Chell and Glados, but even then it's clear we're meeting them after a long life filled with god knows what. Perfect
Anyways. No one's gonna read this, let alone see it, but I needed to get this out and document it somewhere so here I am
#portal#portal 2#chell#glados#wheatley#this barely even males sense but whatever#sometimes you need to go on an incomprehensible rant abt video games to feel normal again <3
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hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?
Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao
I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!
Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?
Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!
Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:
Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...
Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.
I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩
Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:
Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)
Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.
I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.
My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.
Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.
I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action
Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.
As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao
Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)
Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)
Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle
George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic
Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again
The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier
Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:
Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop
NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:
Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick
Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.
Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen
This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick
A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley
I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand
Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos
Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:
“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”
So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years
Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich
Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful
Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes
THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.
Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin
The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.
Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee
I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is
God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee
The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!
Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma
I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.
Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly
EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.
Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi
I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.
The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh
This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!
Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller
I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is
Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau
I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.
Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.
I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.
Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬
#long post#films#this is like bill hader being asked to pick his fave comedies and he gives a 4 page list#he has such good taste though ahhahbfhfhfhh lemme talk with him nonstop about movies while i ride him. thank you
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Nightmares
Pairing: ChellDOS Word Count: 2,086 One-shot with plans for a continuation.
[Read on AO3 if you prefer]
“Chell has always struggled with sleep. The only times she gets any, it's plagued with nightmares. But now she's stuck thousands of meters below the Aperture she once knew with no adrenal vapor to keep her conscious.”
-- My first time writing a finished fic for Portal. Hopefully everything was in character. Not much romance in this one but it’s baby steps to a future one, hence why I’m planning on making a sequel. --
Sleep was a strange thing for Chell. She rarely slept if ever in the past due to the adrenal vapor GLaDOS pumped into the chambers. But now Chell was stuck thousands of meters below the enrichment center that had once held her captive. And now GLaDOS had no control over anything. The once ruler of Aperture was now confined to a potato, and had been carried off by a bird right as Chell woke from unconsciousness.
The fall had taken a lot out of Chell, even knocking her out, but she still found herself fit enough after waking to move. She didn’t have a dream, and assumed she had only been out a short while. But still, she felt unease from being out. The only other times in recent memory that she had gone unconscious had been against her will, and she had once vivid nightmares during them that had luckily faded over time. Those nightmares, however, made her hesitant to sleep.
Chell felt her muscles scream with ache as she travelled through the wreckage she had been plunged into. But her body wasn’t all against her. Being knocked out from the fall had given her enough rest to stay awake and move through her surroundings. To analyze them. And the test subject did not trust whatever may lie down here. Whatever she was walking into felt more dangerous than the facility above, which was saying a lot.
And Chell’s fears were confirmed when she had stumbled into an area with an automated message from someone named Cave Johnson, the old CEO of Aperture, and small inserts from his assistant, Caroline. She was still in Aperture, and she would still be testing. Fighting back any distress this reveal could cause, Chell continued on, blocking out the messages to focus on escape. She placed portals on a mix of instinct and knowledge to get herself through. If this was the bottom, the tests could bring her back up. Up to freedom. For once, the tests wouldn’t be a trap, but a means of escape.
Chell could feel her energy had already been drained as she made her way to the first elevator. In the back of her mind, part of her was screaming to sleep. But the fear of nightmares and whatever may lay down here kept her from giving in. And testing with the addition of repulsion gel kept her mind awake with the new stimuli. She had gotten through each sphere with ease, and felt relieved to find out she only had to deal with three of them. At this rate, it wouldn’t take long to get back to the surface. And if Chell was lucky, Wheatley would’ve left the adrenal vapor on, eliminating the need to sleep. All she needed to do was to carry on and navigate the strange ruins of old Aperture.
But she wasn’t nearly as lucky as she had thought. Making her way to the beginning of the next set of spheres, she could feel the effects of sleep deprivation weighing her down. If she hadn’t been moving still, trying to keep up speed, she would’ve slipped into slumber the moment she walked in and saw the catwalk to the next elevator had been destroyed. For once, Chell let her calm facade down and scrunched her face in displeasure, groaning inwardly. ’Of course it wouldn’t be easy, nothing’s ever easy in Aperture.’
Just as she was about to give in to the need of sleep, she noticed on top of the building she had just searched was a control room. With any luck, it would contain a way to get over to the elevator. The test subject made her way to the opening, placing portals that would fling her there with just enough momentum. It seemed lit up, giving Chell hope there would be a button or lever of some sorts inside. But as she walked in, she heard an uncomfortably familiar voice which woke her with anxiety.
“Oh. Hi.” GLaDOS.
Chell scowled inwardly as she noticed the AI, now confined to a potato battery which was currently being feasted upon by a bird.
“Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?” Chell just watched with unwavering neutrality. She wouldn’t even give the machine the satisfaction of her disgust. But below that, Chell couldn’t deny she felt a little sorry for GLaDOS. And each ‘ow’ the once powerful being let out made her feel more and more sympathy.
“No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.” GLaDOS sounded desperate, but Chell just stood there, arms crossed and watching the potato, not letting any sympathy she was starting to feel show. Maybe this could teach the once powerful being some humility.
“Please get it off me. It's eating me.” Chell could hear the fear in GLaDOS’s voice, and it made her crack. Some of Chell’s sympathy seeped into her expression as she walked into the room, shooing off the black bird that had been pecking at the potato.
“Oh! Thanks.” Chell started to give a half hidden smile, accepting GLaDOS’s thanks. But before she could do so fully, the area around them shook. An explosion sounded in the distance.
“Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.” Chell nodded lightly, letting GLaDOS know she was listening. “I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse. So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.”
GLaDOS began to drone on, trying to convince Chell to pick her up, but it wasn’t needed. Without paying attention to the machine’s words, the woman picked the potato up and stuck it onto the end of the portal device.
“OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter?” Chell just glanced at the potato, making her way back to the remaining portion of catwalk. “Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-” GLaDOS’s voice distorted, before she shut down. ‘Good, some more silence before being thrown back into hell.’ Chell thought to herself. Reuniting with GLaDOS had given her a small burst of energy, but Chell could feel it draining fast. It hadn’t been enough and Chell found her mind fogging. She needed something to pay attention to or she would pass out and harm herself in the process. Chell stumbled, almost close to falling off the catwalk too early, when she heard GLaDOS return.
“Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?” Chell’s thoughts returned to the present as her eyes opened more and landed on GLaDOS. “That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles.” Chell nodded to herself, keeping awake long enough to fling herself onto the bit of remaining catwalk in front of the elevator.
“If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going-” GLaDOS’s voice cut again, right as Chell was entering the lift to the next sphere. Once the sphere plunged into the darkness, Chell sat down and gave into the fatigue. She shut her eyes and rested the best she could during the brief ascent, but never truly slipped into unconsciousness. The woman let herself rest even after the elevator came to a stop, but jumped at the sound of talking.
“Did anything happen while I was out?” Chell glanced at where she had left the portal gun on the floor of the elevator, GLaDOS was positioned so she could see the test subject.
“Are you okay?” Her words made Chell shiver. GLaDOS sounded genuinely concerned, which threw the already exhausted woman off. “Look, we don’t have much time. If you’re not going to voice what’s wrong let’s please get moving.” Chell nodded and picked up the portal gun, making her way to the next test.
As the pair moved through the test, GLaDOS had an odd reaction to Cave Johnson’s messages. She spoke one of Caroline’s interjections perfectly in time with the long-gone woman and had even knocked herself out from how worked up she had gotten herself.
Chell, however, tried to pay no mind to this and get out of the test as fast as she could. She could already feel herself beginning to pass out, her movements had slowed and she nearly plunged herself into the abyss of sludge that flooded the bottom of the testing sphere. Chell took a second to get her bearings and flung herself forward with some cleverly placed gel and portals to press a button, opening the exit.
“Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.” Chell blinked her agreement, and walked slowly on the catwalk, her body shaking with each step.
“Do you have any clue on h-” Chell didn’t hear anything else GLaDOS said as she slipped to the floor of the catwalk, half out of it. Her mind fogged and she couldn’t sense anything for a few moments. ‘Am I finally dying? Is this it?’ Chell pondered inwardly as she felt herself slipping in and out of consciousness. She eventually found herself blacking out fully, only to be reawoken a couple of moments later.
“Chell..? Chell?” The woman let out a gasp of fear at hearing her name being said. Nobody had done so in many, many years. And it was GLaDOS who was saying it, the one being she never would have imagined saying her name. Especially not with such fear. At the time, Chell chalked it up to GLaDOS fearing she would never make it back up, back to her body, and she was half true. But there was another factor to the fear, one Chell would not find out for a while, and one that GLaDOS would never fully voice.
“Oh thank god you’re alive. If you’re exhausted or injured we can’t safely continue, you know. I understand you’re mute but you should voice that somehow.” Chell gave a weak smile to the potato and shrugged gingerly. Her whole body was sore and what little energy she had gained from passing out was fading fast.
“Seriously. You should rest. There has to be an open office somewhere here, slip into it and just lie down for a few.” Chell gave GLaDOS a slow blink and got up carefully. Thankfully, the AI had been right and Chell could see an opening to an office from where she had laid. With two portals, she found herself in a decently sized room. Enough uncluttered and sturdy floorspace to take a comfortable nap. Chell walked around the room, looking for where she felt it best to rest, fighting back any rising fear she felt at the mere idea of sleeping.
“Those people, in the portrait.” Chell turned around to face a huge painting. It featured Cave Johnson and a woman Chell assumed to be Caroline. “They look so familiar…” And it all clicked for Chell. GLaDOS had yet to realize why the people were familiar, but Chell understood. And for the first time, she gave GLaDOS a brief look of pure sympathy.
Chell chose her resting spot to be under the painting. She laid on her side, back to the wall, and held the portal gun close to her, it positioned intentionally so GLaDOS lay close to her cheek. As Chell submitted herself to sleep, she felt an intense fear. She didn’t want to have nightmares, but she had no choice. If she wanted to live, she would have to take this moment to rest.
Chell could feel the world around her fading as she slipped into unconsciousness. But despite it all, there was one thing she could hear clearly. A voice that was barely a whisper.
“Goodnight, Chell.”
And for the first time in too long, Chell had no nightmare.
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Wheatley Reviews: Doom Eternal
finished doom eternal a couple days ago so now it’s time for the review!
Doom Eternal is a by-the-books sequel, and I mean that in a sense that almost no game developers read this book anymore.
Doom Eternal improves upon the mechanics introduced in Doom 2016, fixes a lot of issues people had with Doom 2016, and adds more things to make the game more fun than Doom 2016.
You’re given several new movement options that completely change the way you play the game and go about it’s combat, as well as opens up a ton of new possibilities for puzzles and secrets.
In Doom 2016, you could double-jump and mantle. In Doom Eternal, you can double-jump, mantle, dash, grapple, and swing. The combat arenas are so much fun to traverse, you’ll almost always be in the air as you dance around, avoiding attacks, setting up kills, grabbing pickups, and more.
And that’s not even talking about your slew of new combat options: your frag grenade and freeze grenade, your blood punch, your flame belch, your chainsaw, and of course the crucible.
All of this ties in to a game that’s all about in-the-moment decision making that’s fast, fluid, and fun. You use your chainsaw to get ammo back, you glory kill staggered demons to get health back, and you shoot or kill demons ignited with your flame belch to get armor back. You use the crucible to instantly kill up to 1 demon per charge of the crucible for a max of 3. With several combinations to keep yourself afloat, high-level gameplay is an absolute clusterfuck to watch, let alone to play (this is a good thing because it looks sick as fuck).
Doom Eternal also brings back it’s collectibles, of which there’s the addition of classic Cheat Codes to unlock which aren’t openly present in a lot of games nowadays, that actually don’t halt progression, so you can use them to freely explore levels and collect hidden progression items without worrying about wasting resources. Additionally, there’s a ton of progression items and things to spend several different points on to upgrade your suit, your health, armor, and ammo capacities, your abilities, and your weapon mods, as well as unlocking new, awesome looking costumes for your slayer such as the classic Doom Marine outfit. A fully-upgraded Slayer is a force to be reckoned with, and tests your skills to manage all your abilities and use your weapon mods to beat down demons.
A welcome reintroduction is a system of extra lives, in which the player can die while consuming a life, and continue the fight with a couple seconds of invulnerability. As the difficulty gets higher, these become more and more precious, especially in Doom Eternal’s classic “extra-lives” mode, where losing all your lives means game over.
Another welcome improvement/addition from Doom 2016 is the addition of enemy weakpoints, which opens up several strategies for taking out the gun(s) on an arachnotron or revenant so it has to get up close, or taking the guns out on a mancubus so it has to use its weaker ones. This ends up having the in-the-moment decision making feeling very tactile, and can make just about anyone with decent aim feel like a badass. Enemies are fun and interesting to fight, and managing each one (given they all have their special quirks about how they work in combat) feels so satisfying to those that can handle the hordes. The way the game introduces new enemies feels like a smooth transition as you fight them alone, before they’re incorporated among the slew of demons you face in every arena. This is especially apparent with the Marauder enemy, a mid-game enemy that feels like a mini-boss, but is then incorporated into regular arenas alongside several other types of demons, taking control of the fight’s pacing with how he blasts you with his shotgun up close, but fires energy projectiles from his axe at a distance, while only opening up for a counter-attack after he drops his shield to take a swing at you, telegraphed by the distinctive sound and his glowing eyes. And that’s just what one special enemy does for the game’s combat among all the others and their mechanics.
Overall, Doom Eternal is a beautifully written love letter to classic gaming, and is expertly woven in how all its mechanics tie together to make the experience an absolute frenzy of fun. I actually can’t say I especially disliked anything about this game, it’s just that good.
Doom Eternal gets a 10/10 from me!
This has actually been the best game I’ve played that’s come out this year, and is without-a-doubt my personal game of the year with how much fun I had with it. If you like classic doom, or love Doom 2016, you’ll want to marry Doom Eternal, just as it marries everything it brings to the table in terms of its gameplay into the most fun and rewarding thing to play to date.
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The Best Horror Movies to Stream
https://ift.tt/36P7Are
Updated for October 2020
The world of streaming horror movies can be an overwhelming place.
Let’s say you’ve got your Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu and HBO Max subscriptions all set and ready. Now you want to get terrified with the best horror movies you can find in time for Halloween. But there are so many options! What’s a horror addict to do?
Here you’ll find the master list. That’s right, we’ve hand-selected only the absolute best and most terrifying horror movies available on all the major streaming services and combined them here for your streaming (or screaming) pleasure.
Be sure to let us know if you make it through all 31!
Apostle
Available on: Netflix
Apostle comes from acclaimed The Raid director Gareth Evans and it’s his take on the horror genre. Spoiler alert: it’s a good one.
Dan Stevens stars as Thomas Richardson, a British man in the early 1900s who must rescue his sister, Jennifer, from the clutches of a murderous cult. Thomas successfully infiltrates the cult led by the charismatic Malcom Howe (Michael Sheen) and begins to ingratiate himself with the strange folks obsessed with bloodletting. Thomas soon comes to find that the object of the cult’s religious fervor may be more real than he’d prefer.
Apostle is a wild, atmospheric, and very gory good time.
The Blackcoat’s Daughter
Available on: Netflix
Some kids dream about being left overnight or even a week at certain locations to play, like say a mall or a Chuck E. Cheese. One place that no one wants to be left alone in, however, is a Catholic boarding school.
That’s the situation that Rose (Lucy Boynton) and Kat (Kiernan Shipka) find themselves in in the atmospheric and creepy The Blackcoat’s Daughter. When Rose and Kat’s parents are unable to pick them up for winter break, the two are forced to spend the week at their dingy Catholic boarding school. If that weren’t bad enough, Rose fears that she may be pregnant…oh, and the nuns might all be Satanists.
Read more
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A24 Horror Movies Ranked From Worst to Best
By David Crow and 3 others
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Katharine Isabelle on How Ginger Snaps Explored the Horror of Womanhood
By Rosie Fletcher
The Blackcoat’s Daughter is an excellent debut directorial outing from Oz Perkins and another step on the right horror path for scream queens Shipka and Emma Roberts.
The Cabin in the Woods
Available on: Amazon Prime
A remote cabin in the woods is one of the most frequently occurring settings in all of horror. What better location for teenagers to be tormented by monsters, demons, or murderous hillbillies? Writer/Director Joss Whedon takes that tried and true setting and uses it as a jumping off points for one of the most successful metatextual horror movies in recent memory.
Like you would expect, The Cabin in the Woods features five college friends (all representing certain youthful archetypes, of course) renting a….well, a cabin in the woods. Soon things begin to go awry in a very traditional horror movie way. But then The Cabin in the Woods begins doling out some of the many tricks it has up its sleeve. This is a fascinating, very funny, and yet still creepy breakdown of horror tropes that any horror fan can enjoy.
The Changeling (1980)
Available on: Shudder
A classic haunted house ghost story that frequently makes horror best of lists The Changeling sees a bereaved composer move into a creepy mansion that’s been vacant for 12 years. Vacant that is, except for the spirit of a little boy who met an untimely death…
An unravelling mystery with a sense of intrigue and pathos that draws you into the narrative, all the way to the sad and disturbing final act revelation.
City of the Living Dead
Available on: Amazon Prime
Italian horror director Lucio Fulci kicked off his famous “Gates of Hell” trilogy with this gruesome, crude but surreal 1980 gorefest, in which a reporter (Christopher George) and a psychic (Catriona MacColl) struggle to stop those gates from opening and letting a horde of hungry undead into the world.
Read more
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The Horror Movies That May Owe Their Existence To H.P. Lovecraft
By Don Kaye
Movies
How Relic Explores our Most Primal Fears
By Rosie Fletcher
Fulci loosely based the movie on the works of H.P. Lovecraft, vying for the latter’s brooding atmosphere while indulging in his own trademark splatter. The results are somewhat slapdash but a must-see for Italian horror fans. Followed by the much better The Beyond (1980) and House by the Cemetery (1981).
The Dead Zone
Available on: Amazon Prime
The Dead Zone strangely remains both one of Stephen King’s more underrated movie adaptations as well as one of director David Cronenberg’s more unsung efforts. Yet it ends up being among the best from both author and auteur, while also providing star Christopher Walken with one of his most moving, complex performances to date.
Read more
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Upcoming Stephen King Movies and TV Shows in Development
By Matthew Byrd and 6 others
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Jason Blum Promises “Faithful” New Adaptation Of Stephen King’s Firestarter
By Don Kaye
Walken’s Johnny Smith awakens from a coma to find out he’s lost five years of his life but gained a frightening talent to touch people and see both their deepest secrets and their future. Whether to use that power to impact the world around him is the choice he must face in this bittersweet, eerie and heartfelt film, which found Cronenberg moving away from his trademark body horror for the first time.
Doctor Sleep
Available on: HBO Max
Let’s be up front about this: Doctor Sleep is not The Shining. For some that fact will make this sequel’s existence unforgivable. Yet there is a stoic beauty and creepy despair just waiting to be experienced by those willing to accept Doctor Sleep on its own terms.
Directed by one of the genre’s modern masters, Mike Flanagan, the movie had the unenviable task of combining one of King’s most disappointing texts with the opposing sensibilities of Stanley Kubrick’s singular The Shining adaptation.
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Doctor Sleep: Inside the New Overlook Hotel
By John Saavedra
Movies
Doctor Sleep Ending Explained
By John Saavedra
And yet, the result is an effective thriller about lifelong regrets and trauma personified by the ghostly specters of the Overlook Hotel. But they’re far from the only horrors here. Rebecca Ferguson is absolutely chilling as the smiling villain Rose the Hat, and the scene where she and other literal energy vampires descend upon young Jacob Tremblay is the stuff of nightmares. Genuinely, it’s a scene you won’t forget, for better or worse….
The Evil Dead
Available on: Netflix
1981’s The Evil Dead is nothing less than one of the biggest success stories in horror movie history.
Written and directed on a shoestring budget by Sam Raimi, The Evil Dead uses traditional horror tropes to its great advantage, creating a scary, funny, and almost inconceivably bloody story about five college students who encounter a spot of bother in a cabin in the middle of the woods. That spot of bother includes the unwitting release of a legion of demons upon the world.
Read more
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Evil Dead Movies: The Most Soul Sucking Moments
By David Crow
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Living with the Cult Legacy of Evil Dead
By Hannah Bonner
The Evil Dead rightfully made stars of its creator and lead Bruce Campbell. It was also the jumping off point for a successful franchise that includes two sequels, a remake, a TV show, and more.
A Field in England
Available on: Amazon Prime
2013’s A Field in England presents compelling evidence that more horror movies should be shot in black and white.
Directed by British director Ben Wheatley, A Field in England is a kaleidoscope of trippy, cerebral horror. The film takes place in 1648, during the English Civil War. A group of soldiers is taken in by a kindly man, who is soon revealed to be an alchemist. The alchemist takes the soldiers to a vast field of mushrooms where they are subjected to a series of mind-altering, nightmarish visions.
A Field in England is aggressively weird, creative, and best of all clocks in at exactly 90 minutes.
Fright Night
Available on: Amazon Prime
Screenwriter-turned-director Tom Holland lets a jaded, smarmy vampire named Jerry Dandridge loose in suburbia and watches the blood spurt in this beloved ‘80s horror staple.
Chris Sarandon brings a nice combination of amusement and menace to the role of the bloodsucker, while Planet of the Apes veteran Roddy McDowall is endearing as a washed-up horror host recruited into a real-life horror show. Much of Fright Night is teen-oriented and somewhat dated, but it still works as a sort of precursor to later post-modern horror gems like Scream.
Green Room
Available on: Netflix
Green Room is a shockingly conventional horror movie despite not having all of the elements we traditionally associate with them. There are no monsters or the supernatural in Green Room.
Instead all monsters are replaced by vengeful neo-Nazis and the haunted house is replaced by a skinhead punk music club in the middle of nowhere in the Oregon woods. The band The Aint Rights, led by bassist Pat (Anton Yelchin) are locked in the green room of club after witnessing a murder and must fight their way out.
Hellraiser (1987)
Available on: Shudder
Directed by Clive Barker based on his novella The Hellbound Heart, Hellraiser is an infernal body horror featuring S&M demons who’ve found a way out of a dark dimension and want to take you back there.
Read more
Movies
Michael Myers vs Pinhead: The Hellraiser/Halloween Crossover That Never Was
By Jack Beresford
Movies
Ranking the Hellraiser Movies
By Jamie Andrew
This is the movie which introduced chief Cenobite Pinhead (played by Doug Bradley) – who would return for seven more Hellraiser sequels. But the first is of course, remains the edgiest and the best. Hellbound: Hellraiser II is also available.
Hereditary
Available on: Amazon Prime
Between Hereditary and The Haunting of Hill House 2018 was a great year for turning familial trauma into horror.
Written and directed by Ari Aster, Hereditary follows the Graham family as they deal with the death of their secretive grandmother. As Annie Graham (Toni Collette) comes to terms with the loss, she begins to realize that she may have inherited a mental illness from her late mother…or something worse.
Read more
Movies
Hereditary: The Real Story of King Paimon
By Tony Sokol
Movies
Hereditary Ending Explained
By David Crow
Hereditary is terrifying because it asks a deceptively simple but truly creepy question: what do we really inherit from our family?
The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
Available on: Shudder
Wes Craven’s 1977 cult classic sees an extended family become stranded in the desert when their trailer breaks down and they start to get picked off by cannibals living in the hills. It’s brutally violent but it also has things to say about the nature of violence, as the seemingly civilized Carter family turn feral. The film was remade in 2006 but the original is still the best.
Horror of Dracula
Available on: HBO Max
Replacing Bela Lugosi as Dracula was not easily done in 1958. It’s still not easily done now. Which makes the fact that Christopher Lee turned Bram Stoker’s vampire into his own screen legend in Horror of Dracula all the more remarkable. Filmed in vivid color by director Terence Fisher, Horror of Dracula brought gushing bright red to the movie vampire, which up until then had been mostly relegated to black and white shadows.
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Movies
Bram Stoker’s Dracula and the Seduction of Old School Movie Magic
By David Crow
TV
BBC/Netflix Dracula’s Behind-the-Scenes Set Secrets
By Louisa Mellor
With its penchant for gore and heaving bosoms, Horror of Dracula set the template for what became Hammer Film Productions’ singular brand of horror iconography, but it’s also done rather tastefully the first time out here, not least of all because of Lee bring this aggressively cold-blooded version of Stoker’s monster to life. It’s all business with this guy.
Conversely, Abraham Van Helsing was never more dashing than when played by Peter Cushing in this movie. The film turned both into genre stars, and paved the way for a career of doing this dance time and again.
The House of the Devil
Available on: Amazon Prime
Indie horror auteur Ti West’s low-budget creepfest is a homage to 1980s horror yet plays it straight; he sets out to make a movie with the feel of genre films from that era without making self-aware in-jokes and references — and he mostly succeeds.
But The House of the Devil is also the definition of a “slow burn”: very little happens for much of the first hour (save a jolt here and there) and then the third act explodes into a paroxysm of murder, gore and Satanic horror. That makes the film feel a little off-balance, although in the end it all becomes quite unnerving.
House on Haunted Hill
Available on: Amazon Prime
What would you do for $10,000? How about surviving a night in a mansion haunted by murder victims and owned by a psychotic millionaire? Seems like a party trick until people actually start dying.
Vincent Price is the master and mastermind of a house that suddenly makes everyone homicidal—but the real pièce de résistance is what dances out of a vat of flesh-eating acid.
Some vintage horror never dies, and this 1959 classic is immortal.
Hush
Available on: Netflix
In his follow-up to the cult classic Oculus, Mike Flanagan makes one of the cleverer horror movies on this list. Hush is a thrilling game of cat-and-mouse with the typical nightmare of a home invasion occurring, yet it also turns conventions of that familiar terror on its head. For instance, the savvy angle about this movie is Kate Siegel (who co-wrote the movie with Flanagan) plays Maddie, a deaf and mute woman living in the woods alone. Like Audrey Hepburn’s blind woman from the progenitor of home invasion stories, Wait Until Dark (1967), Maddie is completely isolated when she is marked for death by a menacing monster in human flesh.
Further, like the masked villains of so many more generic home invasion movies (we’re looking square at you, Strangers), John Gallagher Jr.’s “Man” wears a mask as he sneaks into her house. However, the functions of this story are laid bare since we actually keep an eye on what the “Man” is doing at all times, and how he is getting or not getting into the house in any given scene. He is not aided by filmmakers who’ve given him faux-supernatural and omnipotent abilities like other versions of these stories, and he’s not an “Other;” he is a man who does take his mask off, and his lust for murder is not so much fetishized as shown for the repulsive behavior that it is. And still, Maddie proves to be both resourceful and painfully ill-equipped to take him on in this tense battle of wills.
The Invitation
Available on: Netflix
Seeing your ex is always uncomfortable, but imagine if your ex-wife invited you to a dinner party with her new husband? That is just about the least creepy thing in this new, taut thriller nestled in the Hollywood Hills. Indeed, in The Invitation Logan Marshall-Green’s Will is invited by his estranged wife (Tammy Blanchard) for dinner with her new hubby David (Michael Huisman of Game of Thrones). David apparently wanted to extend the bread-breaking offer personally since he has something he wants to invite both Will and all his other guests into joining. And it isn’t a game of Scrabble…
Intense, strange, and not what you expect, this is one of the more inventive thrillers of 2016.
Midsommar
Available on: Amazon Prime
It’s hard to categorize Midsommar, Ari Aster’s follow-up to his absolutely terrifying horror debut, Hereditary. Part straight up horror, part The Wicker Man, and part anthropological study, Midsommar seems to occupy many genres all at once. Aster himself called it a “break up” movie. But whatever genre Midsommar is, it is a brilliant, and at times deeply disturbing film.
Florence Pugh stars as Dani, a young woman trying to heal in the wake of an enormous tragedy. Dani follows her boyfriend, Christian, and his annoying friends to an important midsummer festival deep in the heart of Sweden. Christian and company are there partly to get high and have fun and also partly to study the unique, isolated culture for their respective theses. To say that they get more than they bargained for is an understatement. But Dani may just end up getting exactly what she needs.
Night of the Living Dead
Available on: Amazon Prime, HBO Max
George A. Romero’s 1968 zombie classic The Night of the Living Dead messed up the minds of late ’60s moviegoers as much as it messed with every horror movie that followed. Shot on gritty black and white stock, the film captures the desperate urgency of a documentary shot at the end of the world. It is a tale of survival, an allegory for the Vietnam War and racism and suspenseful as hell freezing over.
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TV
The Walking Dead vs. Real-Life Survivalists: How to Prep for The Zombie Apocalypse
By Ron Hogan
Movies
Night of the Living Dead: The Many Sequels, Remakes, and Spinoffs
By Alex Carter
Night of the Living Dead set a new standard for gore, even though you could tell some of the bones the zombies were munching came from a local butcher shop. But what grabs at you are the unexpected shocks. Long before The Walking Dead, Romero caught the terror that could erupt from any character, at any time.
They’re coming to get you. There’s one of them now!
Nosferatu
Available on: Amazon Prime
Nothing beats a classic, and that’s exactly what Nosferatu is. As the unofficial 1922 adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, this German Expressionist masterpiece was almost lost to the ages when the filmmakers lost a copyright lawsuit with Stoker’s widow (who had a point). As a result, most copies were destroyed…but a precious few survived
This definitive horror movie from F.W. Murnau might be a silent picture, but it’s a haunting one where vampirism is used as a metaphor for plague and the Black Death sweeping across Europe. When Count Orlock comes to Berlin, he brings rivers of rats with him and the most repellent visage ever presented by a cinematic bloodsucker.
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TV
13 Essential Dracula Performances in Movies and TV
By Tony Sokol
Culture
The Bleeding Heart of Dracula
By David Crow
The sexy vampires would come later, starting with 1931’s more polished vision of Count Dracula as legendarily played by Bela Lugosi, but Max Schreck is buried under gobs of makeup in Nosferatu making him resemble an emaciated cadaver. Murnau plays with shadow and light to create an intoxicating environment of fever dream repressions. But he also creates the most haunting cinematic image of a vampire yet put on screen.
Pet Sematary (2019)
Available on: Amazon, Hulu
After the classic Stephen King novel of the same name and Mary Lambert’s 1989 movie, what could there possibly be left to say about Pet Sematary? Quite a lot actually! Directors Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer breathe new life into this old tale…not unlike a certain “sematary” itself.
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Movies
Pet Sematary Ending Explained
By John Saavedra
Movies
On the Set with Pet Sematary’s Producer
By Nick Morgulis
Jason Clarke stars as Louis Creed, an ER doctor from Boston who moves his family to rural Ludlow, Maine to live a quieter life. Shortly into their stay, Louis and his wife Rachel (Amy Semeitz) experience an unthinkable tragedy. That’s ok though as neighbor Jud Crandall (John Lithgow) knows a very peculiar place that can help.
Phantasm
Available on: Amazon Prime
Director and writer Don Coscarelli has said that this 1979 cult classic was inspired by a recurring dream — and we believe him, since Phantasm has the surreal, not-quite-there feel of an inescapable nightmare from start to finish.
With its bizarre plot about a funeral parlor acting as a front to send undead slave labor to another dimension, the iconic image of the Tall Man, killer dwarves and those deadly silver spheres, Phantasm was and is like no other movie of its era.
Poltergeist
Available on: Netflix
Before there was Insidious, The Conjuring, or a myriad of other “suburban family vs. haunted house” movies, there was Poltergeist. Taking ghost stories out of the Gothic setting of ancient castles or decrepit mansions and hotels, Poltergeist moved the spirits into the middle class American heartland of the 1980s. With a smart screenplay by no less than Steven Spielberg (and, according to some, his ghost direction), Poltergeist finds the Freeling family privy to a disquieting fact about their new home: It’s built on top of a cemetery!
You probably know the story, and if you don’t you can guess it after decades of copycats that followed, but this special effects-laden spectacle still holds up, especially as a thriller that can be enjoyed by the whole family. Fair warning though, if your kids have a tree outside their window or a clown doll under their bed, we don’t take responsibility for the years of therapy bills this may inflict!
Ready or Not
Available on: HBO Max
The surprise horror joy of 2019, Ready or Not was a wicked breath of fresh air from the creative team Radio Silence. With a star-making lead turn by Samara Weaving, the movie is essentially a reworking of The Most Dangerous Game where a bride is being hunted by her groom’s entire wedding party on the night of their nuptials.
It’s a nutty premise that has a delicious (and broad) satirical subtext about the indulgences and eccentricities of the rich, as the would-be extended family of Grace (Weaving) is only pursuing her because they’re convinced a grandfather made a deal with the Devil for their wealth–and to keep it they must step on those beneath them every generation. Well step, shoot, stab, and ritualistically sacrifice in this cruelest game of hide and seek ever. Come for the gonzo high-concept and stay for the supremely satisfying ending.
Sweetheart
Available on: Netflix
Don’t let the name fool you, Sweetheart is very much a horror movie. What kind of horror movie, you ask? Well, after a boat sinks during a storm, young Jennifer Remming (Kiersey Clemons) is the only survivor. She washes ashore a small island and gets to work burying her friends, creating shelter, and foraging for food. You know: deserted island stuff.
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Dog Soldiers: The Wild History of the Most Action Packed Werewolf Movie Ever Made
By Mike Cecchini
Movies
The WNUF Halloween Special: The Making of the Most Fun Found Footage Horror Movie Ever
By Gavin Jasper
Soon, however, Jenn will come to find that the island is not as deserted as she previously thought. There’s something out there – something big, dangerous, and hungry. Sweetheart is like Castaway meets Predator and it’s another indie horror hit for Blumhouse.
The Tenant
Available on: Amazon Prime
Roman Polanski, in addition to being a creep and outright sex criminal, has a grand fascination with apartments, directing an unofficial “Apartment Trilogy” with Repulsion, Rosemary’s Baby, and The Tenant. And it’s not hard to see why. There is something a little strange about dozens if not hundreds of relative strangers all calling the same place “home.”
1976’s The Tenant is the culmination of Polanski’s obsession with communal living and in some ways is the creepiest. Polanski stars as Trelkovsky, a paranoid young file clerk who is on the verge of succumbing to the constant dread he feels. Things are exacerbated when Trelkovsky moves into a Parisian apartment and discovers the previous occupant killed herself. What follows is a tense and trippy exploration of fear itself.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Available on: Shudder
You’ve probably seen this one already, but this founding father of the slasher genre is a bit of a fairy tale when glimpsed at the right light. Some dumb kids wander into the wilderness, far away from the safety of civilization, on a trip to their grandparents’ home.
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Movies
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: How Low-budget Filmmaking Created a Classic
By Ryan Lambie
Movies
The Real Texas Chainsaw Massacre: How Ed Gein Inspired Classic Horror Movies
By Tony Sokol
But instead of reaching their destination, they wind up on the dinner table for the “Other,” who in this case is a redneck family of cannibals with a crossdressing serial killer who’s weapon of choice has an electric motor that makes a sweet hum as its blades tear into your flesh. When viewed like that, it might be worth seeing all over again, eh?
Under the Shadow
Available on: Netflix
This recent 2016 effort could not possibly be more timely as it sympathizes, and terrorizes, an Iranian single mother and child in 1980s Tehran. Like a draconian travel ban, Shideh (Narges Rashidi) and her son Dorsa (Avin Manshadi) are malevolently targeted by a force of supreme evil.
This occurs after Dorsa’s father, a doctor, is called away to serve the Iranian army in post-revolution and war-torn Iran. In his absence evil seeps in… as does a quality horror movie with heightened emotional weight.
Underworld
Available on: Netflix
No one is going to mistake Underworld for high art. That obvious fact makes the lofty pretensions of these movies all the more endearing. With a cast of high-minded British theatrical actors, many trained in the Royal Shakespeare Company, at least the early movies in this Gothic horror/action mash-up series were overflowing with histrionic self-importance and grandiosity.
Take the first and best in the series. In the margins you have Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen portraying the patriarchs of warring factions of vampires and werewolves, and a love story caught between their violence that’s shamelessly modeled on Romeo and Juliet. It’s ridiculous, especially with Scott Speedman playing one party. But when the other is the oft-underrated Kate Beckinsale it doesn’t matter.
The movie’s bombast becomes its first virtue, and Len Wiseman’s penchant for glossy slick visuals, which would look at home in the sexiest Eurotrash graphic novel at the bookstore, is its other. Combined they make this a guilty good time. Though we recommend not venturing past the second or third movie.
Us
Available on: HBO Max
Jordan Peele’s debut feature Get Out was a near instant horror classic so anticipation was high for his follow-up. Thanks to an excellent script, Peele’s deep appreciation of pop culture, and some stellar performances, Us more than lives up to the hype.
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Movies
Us: How Jeremiah 11:11 Fits in Jordan Peele Movie
By Rosie Fletcher
Movies
Us: Jordan Peele’s References and Influences
By David Crow
Us tells the story of the Wilson family from Santa Cruz. After a seemingly normal trip to a summer home and the beach, Adelaide (Lupita Nyong’o), Gabe (Winston Duke) and their two kids are confronted by their own doppelgangers, are weird, barely verbal, and wearing red. That’s just the beginning of the horror at play for the Wilsons and the world. Fittingly, Us feels like a feature length Twilight Zone concept done right.
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Armie's interview that will set the tongues wagging
Can't believe they're not sharing pictures of Armie splayed across the bed! 😞
When I walk into Armie Hammer’s suite at New York’s Crosby Hotel, Hammer is splayed across the be. It’s the middle of the day on a Saturday, and Hammer is still fully dressed in a maroon sweater, black jeans, and sneakers. “I’m not going to be laying down here during the interview, I promise,” he says. “This is going to be like therapy — I’m going to lay down on the couch.” In one fluid motion, the six-foot-five actor peels himself off the bed and relocates to the couch, kicks up his feet, and smiles. “Can we talk about my deepest fears?” he deadpans.
We’re in his suite to talk about something similarly daunting: Hammer’s new movie, Hotel Mumbai, in which he plays a tourist on holiday in Mumbai with his wife (Nazanin Boniadi) and baby when a series of terrorist attacks begin to unfold across the city. Directed by Anthony Maras, the film is based on the real 2008 Mumbai terror attacks, and though many of the characters (including Hammer’s) are composites (rather than based on real victims), the film is a bleak, difficult watch. It’s also something of a departure for Hammer, who’s beloved in the public imagination for cavorting sexily through Italy with Timothée Chalamet.
So perhaps it’s appropriate that we’re talking about Hotel Mumbai in patient-therapist format. We also delve into some less-bleak subject matters: the status of Call Me by Your Name’s much-anticipated sequel, whether Hammer is going to play the Invisible Man or Batman, and why he’s suddenly gone quiet on social media.
Hotel Mumbai is a very dark, very violent film. Why take it?
The script was incredible. Brutal. It was just dripping with humanity. And I saw a few of Anthony’s short films, and he made a short film called The Palace that was so fucking intense that I literally had to pause it at one point and stand up and pace around the room. And be like, “What is he doing? Why is he doing this to me? This is a personal attack! I’m being attacked by this man and this direction!” And I thought, If he can do this in a short …
How were you able to get in and out of this really dark place on set?
I had no choice, really. You’re being pursued by men with guns, screaming at you in a language you don’t understand, running through smoke-filled corridors. It felt really firsthand. And also, it was a very serious set. And not just because the subject matter is so intense, but because we all couldn’t help but just feel and be reminded that people had really gone through this. And they didn’t have the luxury of yelling “Cut!” when things got too intense for them. It was really somber, and the way we dealt with that was to celebrate each other’s presence at night. We’d go to dinner and just sit and have meals and talk and just laugh and joke and have wine, and really try to enjoy life, knowing that these people didn’t have that opportunity. We were filming in a situation where the idea of life felt really fleeting, so we tried to make the best of it at night.
Was your family on set?
Elizabeth [Chambers, Hammer’s wife] was there. Harper [Hammer’s daughter] was there. Not on set on set, because there was a lot of gunfire and blood. Elizabeth was like, “Aah, I don’t want to do this.” And Harper is so young, I don’t want to subject her to that.
You’re subjected to some serious violence in this movie. Was it particularly upsetting for Elizabeth or your family to see you in this one?
The overall violence was more upsetting than [mine] specifically. Just feeling like you were in a first-person terror attack was really jarring. So it was about the bigger issue more than me — that this shit happens, and that fucking sucks. It just happened again [in New Zealand]. How about we just stop fucking shooting each other? Antiquated, extremist ideas. Xenophobic philosophies. Extremism, indoctrination. Enough. It’s so dumb.
You’ve been pretty politically outspoken on Instagram and Twitter, but lately you’ve gone quiet. What’s that about?
Healthy emotional boundaries.
When did you put those up?
Not soon enough. [Laughs.] It was fun for a while, the whole social media thing — “I can say whatever I want,” “Ooh, that got me in trouble,” “Oh, I can say this,” “Ooh, that got me in trouble, too.” It’s a dangerous dance partner. You might have a moment of fun dancing, and then it’s gonna stomp on your feet. I’m just like, I’m getting too old for this shit. I’m done.
Was there a specific moment where you were like, “I’m done”?
No, it was kind of gradual. It was a generalized thing, built up of specific moments.
Like when you were fighting with Jeffrey Dean Morgan?
Yeah. Part of me was like, “Oh, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, really, lashing out here? Methinks thou doth protest too much, my man! Do you feel guilty about posting a picture of you and Stan Lee after he died?” [Laughs.]
I heard a rumor someone lost a hand while filming Hotel Mumbai
No, the director lost a thumb! He stuck it into a fan by accident. In India, they don’t have the same safety precautions; they don’t have OSHA. He tried to move a fan that didn’t have a grate over it. His thumb went into it and it just went [makes the noise of a thumb being cut off by a fan]. It shot blood everywhere. And Dev [Patel] ended up finding the thumb on the floor; they ran on foot to a hospital. Tried to reattach it, and they couldn’t.
He has no thumb?
He’s got, like, half a thumb.
How long did it take to start filming again?
He was out for three days in the hospital, and finished directing the movie from a hospital gurney on set.
Holy shit, really?
Yeah, it was hilarious. This was toward the end of the movie.
I have to ask about the Call Me by Your Name sequel. It’s in my contract.
Is it really?
No, but we do care so much. So what’s the latest?
Timmy’s out! I’m not sure why. Timmy said the only way he’d do it is if they paid him $15 million. [Laughs.] No, the truth is, there have been really loose conversations about it, but at the end of the day — I’m sort of coming around to the idea that the first one was so special for everyone who made it, and so many people who watched it felt like it really touched them, or spoke to them. And it felt like a really perfect storm of so many things, that if we do make a second one, I think we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. I don’t know that anything will match up to the first, you know?
The experience of filming it, or the movie itself?
Both.
Do Timmy and Luca feel that way, too?
I don’t know. I haven’t had that conversation with them explicitly. But I mean, look. If we end up with an incredible script, and Timmy’s in, and Luca’s in, I’d be an asshole to say no. But at the same time, I’m like, That was such a special thing, why don’t we just leave that alone?
That’s new, though, because you’ve said for a while now that you guys were saying it was definitely happening. What shifted for you?
I’m not sure that it was ever really definitely going to happen. People just seemed so excited about it that we were like, “Oh, yeah, fuck it! We’ll do it, sure!” [Turns to publicist.] Was it ever really like, real real
Publicist: I think it’s not real until it is.
Hammer: It’s not real until it is. And I won’t do it for less than, uh, $10 million! [Laughs loudly.]
So there’s no script or concrete plans.
No. I was talking to Luca, and he was like, “I think it might be fun to do this, or it might be fun to do this!” And I was like, “Those all sound like great ideas!” But that’s as real as it is right now. And I was joking about $10 million. I want $12 million.
Okay, I’ll make sure to write that down.
$12.5 million actually. Let’s go $12.5 million. Plus 10 percent commission for my agent. [Laughs.]
When was the last time you talked to Timmy and Luca?
Timmy and I texted yesterday. Luca, I talked to him the day of the Indie Spirit Awards.
The last time you spoke to Vulture, you did this great profile with Kyle Buchanan. And you spoke about how, in certain ways, you had fallen in love with Luca on set. When he read that profile, what was his response to it?
It didn’t really come up. But it was the thing we both felt. It’s not like he read it and was surprised. He was like, Aw, nice of you to say. I feel the same way. It’s a really intense process to make a movie in a foreign country. And when you do it with people you really resonate with, it forms a special bond.
I’m really excited about your upcoming remake of Rebecca. How are you going to make your version of Maxim de Winter different, Armie Hammer–ish?
Well, he’s going to look like me. It’s funny because we’re still really getting into it. There’s a new draft of the script coming up soon, and Ben [Wheatley] is such an amazing director and so collaborative that I feel like we’re going to come up with something really interesting and different than the Laurence Olivier version. With that being said, we haven’t started getting into it yet. It’s a couple months out; we’re filming this summer.
And what about these Invisible Man rumors?
I recently read those myself! What is the Invisible Man?
It’s part of Universal’s Dark Universe.
What is the Dark Universe?
They tried to build a franchise around their classic monsters, like Frankenstein.
Okay. I don’t know what that is. I’m not against it! So it’s a peripheral universe?
They had these big plans to create a universe, and it failed, and there are rumors they’re trying to restart it again … with you.
Shows you how much they’ve talked to me about it. I haven’t heard anything about it from anyone who makes actual decisions. I read about it online: “Armie Hammer might play the Invisible Man.” I was like, “Okay! Do I have to be in it?”
That’s true, because you’re invisible.
I know, that’s the thing! Voice-over job? That would be so easy. I would do that in a second.
You could literally phone it in.
I would literally phone it in!
Do you have a Google alert for yourself?
No, no, no. That’s part of the healthy emotional boundaries. I feel like a lot of the things on the internet, like Twitter, are largely populated by the people that go on Yelp and write one-star reviews just to be like, “Fuck that place!” I don’t want to take the brunt of that. I used to. Full disclosure, I used to have a Google alert for myself, and search myself on Twitter. It never gave me anything other than anxiety, so I was like, “Maybe it’s best to just not do this.” If you don’t Google yourself, and you don’t know about something, it doesn’t exist at all.
Though you did know about the Invisible Man.
I did. Because I get asked about that, and also about Batman: “Are you gonna do Batman?” I’m like, “No …” They’re like, “Are you gonna do the Invisible Man?” And I’m like, “Who is making these calls?! No!”
Which man will you be, Armie?
The bat or the invisible? But, no, neither.
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a tag game for gaymers noice!!! thanks for tagging me @mpregnate!
Favorite game from the last 5 years? hoooghgh i cannae just choose one! i love pokemon moon, undertale, night in the woods, stardew valley and overwatch, they’re all [chef’s kiss]
Most nostalgic game? pokemon gens 1 and 2. i’ve played them through hundreds of times and yet i always have pangs of nostalgic memories!
Game that deserves a sequel? dunno, i am generally wary of sequels and worry they won’t live up to the previous game. the exception being for long-running franchises that already have multiple games anyways
Game that deserves a remaster? if you asked me half a year ago i woulda said PS1 gen of spyro games, but those are being made now!
Favorite game series? GEE I WONDER WHAT IT COULD POSSIBLY BE! it’s pokemon, of course it is ;O
Favorite genre? idk. there isn’t a common link for the games i like, except that they fit specific niches rather than a genre!
Least favorite genre? military shooters are a genre i will never, EVER like, however.
Favorite song from a game? it’s a three-way tie between “National Park” from pokemon g/s/c, “There She Is” from portal 2, and every song from undertale is a banger so i’m just gonna go with “Metal Crusher”
Favorite character from a game? mae borowski is painfully relatable!
Favorite ship from a game? ALPHYNE!!!
Favorite voice actor from a game? i don’t know of game voice actors much :( reinhardt’s voice actor seems very nice though!
Favorite cutscene? wheatley’s heel turn
Favorite boss? GLaDOS ;)
First console? handheld: original gameboy, home console: sega mega drive
Current consoles? a gaming pc, 3ds, DS i, gameboy colour + SP, gamecube, n64, nes, sega mega drive, ps1 (literally the only recent console i own is my 3DS, the gamecube is the most recent home console i own jghfsjkblg i’ve kept all my old consoles over the years!)
Console you want? huurghghgh if the main series pokemon game looks good, i might have to save up for a switch!
Place from a game you want to visit? the alola region of pokemon looks so beautiful!
Ridiculous crossover that would never happen but would be super fun? overwatch pokemon AU, but then pokemon AUs work with almost every other franchise out there!
Book that would make a good game? i barely read in general, let alone fiction haha ;; though i think a hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy game could be fun, depending on how it’s structured!
Show/movie that would make a good game? listen. i’m a predictable bastard. a welcome to night vale rpg could be SO fuckin fun if done right!
Games you want to play? the stanley parable is next on my list once i’m finished with okami!
Have you ever gotten 100% completion in a game? yup!
Have you cried over a game? i ugly cry at undertale every single time. i just need to think about the last fight on pacifist run or hear certain songs from the OST and i just tear up :’)
What power-up or ability would you want in real life? i want frisk’s good-willed DETERMINATION!!!
uuuhhh idk who to tag! @hushpupper @whokilledcecilpalmer @goldenslaughterer @deerfolx @pomegranateoctopus @squawks @ghostcrebs @puffbadgersandbees uuhhh idk i’m worried i’ll miss out on folk so if we’re mutuals and you wanna do this, you can say i tagged you in!!!
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AU Thursday: Wonderland Fuzz -- Casting Call! Part 2
Sequel to the original Casting Call! Had a chance to watch the movie again over Thanksgiving (it is awesome please go watch it) and have a think on the characters I couldn't include before because I wasn't sure about who they should be. Here's the rest of this potential AU cast list! Again, under a read-more because I’m talking spoilers.
Sandford Police Service
The Caterpillar (C. T. Pillar) as Bob Walker -- This is one where I'm fitting two people together based mainly on age -- Bob Walker is the oldest member of the Sanford Service, and Caterpillar is portrayed as an older "wise man" in the games. Bob is the least-seen member of the service (he doesn't even participate much in the main climax), and the main joke about his character is that he's incomprehensible until you get used to his accent (there's a great gag in the film where he has to translate for someone whose accent is even THICKER, and Danny translates for him to Nick). Caterpillar's more cryptic bullshit statements, particularly as the Oracle in the first game, I guess match him up decently with that.
Neighborhood Watch Alliance
Elder (Theodor) Gutknecht as Prof. Tom Weaver -- Oh, this one hurt to do a bit, as I like Elder Gutknecht, and I don't particularly like to put him on the side of evil. But, again, the fact that both characters are on the older side matches up, they're both kindly grandpa-types (at least when you first meet them), and Gutknecht stresses the importance of abiding by the rules during the climax of Corpse Bride (not letting the dead go after Barkis until after he's drunk the poison). And he's also okay with people getting "what they deserve," given he's only too happy to let the dead at Barkis once the rules aren't in the way, so. . . All those ravens he has in his tower remind me of all the cameras Weaver has access to as well (perhaps I can blame at least two fanfic authors in the CB section having him use them to gather intel on/for the main characters). And. . .well, Weaver is the only member of the NWA to explicitly die in the end. (Yes, the guy taken out by bear trap to the head AND the guy who impales himself on the replica church tower BOTH LIVE.)
Dr. Harry Wilson as Dr. Hatcher -- No, I'm not doing the long version of his name, screw that. Anyway, this is kind of a "they're both doctors, even if they're not the same kind, so. . ." And it's easy enough to interpret Wilson as a bad guy, given he is a Victorian-era psychiatrist. He'd fit decently into Hatcher's role of unofficial coroner and mild ass. He may be better than Dr. Bumby, but Alice probably wouldn't object to him suffering a few nonlethal injuries.
The Duchess (Amanda Duchess) as Amanda Paver -- one of the more minor NWA members, I decided a character who is known for moralizing in her appearance in the books would do for the headmistress of the local primary school. (Though we never see Amanda at her job, admittedly.) Also, an opening boss I still sometimes have trouble with in AMA seems a decent match for one of only two NWA members to actually HIT Nicholas in the ending firefight. (And besides, the image of her pedaling down the street on a bicycle, guns blazing, is just amusing.)
Pris Witless as Annette Roper -- Another fairly minor role, I figure running a small shop isn't beyond Witless's talents. At the very least, it means Alice keeps giving her money. :p And I enjoy the idea of her being dragged away from sniping at Alice by Charlie and his gang of hoodies.
(James) Mayhew and Hildegarde (Mayhew) as James Reaper and Mum Reaper -- more minor roles in the NWA, Reaper and his mother are basically there to pay off a joke about everyone and their mum packing in the country, and to be the first NWA members taken out by Nicholas when he comes back for the climax. I've got nowhere better to stick Mayhew and Hildegarde -- and the idea of Alice racing at Hildegarde and kicking her in the face before she can reload a shotgun amuses me.
Humpty Dumpty (Humphrey Dumpty) as Mr. Treacher -- An extremely minor NWA member, Treacher's only purpose is to wander around in a suspiciously thick coat for a while, and then reveal a big old gun under said coat for the major firefight. He doesn't even have any lines. Using Humpty, who has little more than a cameo appearance in AMA to point out the loose brick that leads to the Blunderbuss, seems like just the ticket.
The Jabberwock (Lewis Dragon) as Lurch (Michael Armstrong) -- Okay, this one feels like a pretty big mismatch -- Lurch is a mentally disabled man who we only ever see saying "Yaaarp," while the Jabberwock is a boss who knows how to make words hurt as much as his fire breath. But they're both tough as nails, and take multiple attempts to defeat (the Jabberwock has two boss battles, Nick has to take down Michael twice), so for a lack of better options. . .
Tweedle-Dee & Tweedle-Dum (Dennis and Columbus Tweedle) as Skinner's Butcher Brothers -- A minor role, but it calls for a pair of men who look both dangerous and a bit thick, and the Tweedles fit it perfectly. And their neverending supply of cutlery in the final supermarket raid does sort of mirror the neverending supply of little Tweedles they produce in their boss fight in AMA.
Murder Victims
Wilton Radcliffe as George Merchant -- this one's based off the fact that overly-fancy houses are a thing with both of them -- Radcliffe with his townhouse stuffed floor to ceiling with Asian artifacts, Merchant with his out-of-place mansion. Martin Blower was the solicitor in the original movie, but I think I could move it to Radcliffe without a problem (it's a minor detail in what you THINK is the motive behind the murders). Also, there's an interesting bit of irony in the man who thinks Alice had something more to do with the fire in A:MR getting reduced to a fiery crisp in the AU.
The Gnome Elder (George Elder) as Arthur Webley -- the guy who Bob Walker up there had to translate for. He has a stash of illegal weaponry in his barn, the confiscation which provides Nick with the firepower he needs in the end to go up against the NWA. He ends up killed off-screen, although I'm not sure if it's because of his gun stash or because he was cutting Reaper's hedges. Either way, he's such a small role that I feel justified shoving the Gnome Elder in his position based on the fact the Gnome Elder has the right look. And does spew a fair amount of cryptic bullshit, so I guess he is a good fit as the guy Caterpillar has to translate for. . .
The White Rabbit (Robin White) as Peter Cocker -- a shoplifter who leads Nick on a hell of a chase through Sandford -- sounds appropriate for a character built around speed and being chased! Peter also ends up dead for his crime off-screen -- again, appropriate for a character whose major role in both Alice games is to get offed.
Other
Peter Ian Staker and his Swan as themselves -- what do I mean by this? Well, Peter is a gag role built around the fact that Nick mistakes him calling about his swan for a prank call (P. I. Staker = piss-taker). I'd throw someone like the Mock Turtle into this role, but Peter happens to be played by none other than Stephen Merchant.
AKA in this AU, Peter forgives Alice for thinking he was a prank caller and tells her that's why everyone calls him Wheatley. I can't bring myself to recast him, is what I'm saying. XD
As for the swan? . . .It's a swan. What do you want.
#wonderland fuzz#casting call#okay okay if I was really committed to the last ones#I'd make them the Mock Turtle and Gryphon#but really I can't pass up the Wheatley cameo XD#man these were hard#you'll see that I did a lot on 'well I've got to have SOMEONE in that role and this person KIND of fits'#and I am amazed that I could NOT find a space for either the Cheshire Cat or Bonejangles!#arguably the two most well-known characters after the mains in their respective franchises#If I ever actually do this as a fanfic they'll have cameos at the end as new recruits to the service#please enjoy the fruits of my labor#this took a LOT of hard pondering#queued
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Best Video Games (Unedited)
By Angelina Gonzalez, Age 12, MS 319. Grade 7
1. Telltale’s The Walking Dead-The Final Season (August 14th 2018)
Telltale’s The Walking Dead was first released in April 24th 2012. It gained popular over the last 5 years. The whole point of the game is to make the choices in this video game and what happens next. And this is your own story. You are the main character and this means that you can do whatever you want and you get to pick whatever you want to pick. There are also little fight scenes in between the story. This video game is episodic adventure game.
Now, a number of Telltale’s The Walking Dead games have been released over the 5 years, and now, it’s coming to an end. Now for those who have played throughout the games, all the stories have been focused on a little girl named Clementine, who grows up and now is a teenager, maybe possibly an adult! But now, this story revolves around Clementine and a little boy named AJ. Now, Clementine and AJ are alone and they are trying to survive in this zombie apocalypse by themselves. Now, this is one of the best video games because, for one, it creates suspense for what is going to happen in the story. Not to mention the cliffhangers in this video game when you finish an episode and you have to wait for the next episode to release. But also because of we never know what’s going to happen to Clementine and AJ after this final season. Also, because of its lovely graphics, we see Telltale’s graphic from before when it released its first The Walking Dead episode, to now in 2018. I really like this game because I can’t wait to see what happens with Clementine and AJ in this season!
2. Resident Evil 2- (January 21st 1998) (January 25th 2019)
Okay, Resident Evil, in my opinion, is one of the scariest games I have ever witnessed. My uncle, for one, is actually playing Resident Evil 2, and to be honest, those monsters are something else in that game. Resident Evil 2 was released January 21st 1998, but it was remastered 21 years later. On January 25th 2019, it was remastered and it’s great! Resident Evil 2 is based on a survival horror game.
Resident Evil 2 starts with police officer Leon S. Kennedy and a college student Claire Redfield. The both of them need to escape Racoon City from a zombie apocalypse. Now, the 1998 version is REALLY different from the 2019 version. I mean, it is remastered and all, but the graphics, compared to both versions of the game, are really good. It has changed after 21 years of creating this game. And throughout the Resident Evil games, things have changed. It really is cool to be playing the same game, but it has changed a lot. I mean, the graphics are awesome, and they added some things into the new Resident Evil 2 that they didn’t add from the 1998 version. For instance, you can play as Flan, a dessert which contains a sweet filling, as a character in the 2019 version. I have never seen something where we can play as a dessert and other numerous foods in a video game which as a survival horror game. It really is fun. And also, the monsters in Resident Evil 2 are really great. They are truly scary, including the zombies. They are truly something else. In other words, the remastered version of Resident Evil 2 has really improved from its original stage.
3. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (December 7th 2018)
Who waited for the next Smash Bros game to come out? *raises hand* Super Smash Bros Ultimate was released on December 7th 2018 and many people rushed to GameStop to obtain this game. It was really popular, considering that everyone was going to be back in Super Smash. Some of which include Snake, a character who wasn’t included in the pervious Smash Bros game. But now, he’s back! Super Smash Bros Ultimate is a crossover fighting game.
Now, everybody loves Super Smash Bros Ultimate! A crossover fighting game with everybody and you fight everyone, now that’s a game that you can enjoy! Now, the whole purpose of Super Smash is that you get to fight people! Now, I know what you’re thinking, that’s nothing! Well, it isn’t. To many people that have purchased the game, Super Smash Bros is an amazing game! All the characters, and the characters who have come back to Smash, not to mention most of their smashes are awesome!
4. Red Dead Redemption 2 (October 26th, 2018)
8 years ago, the first Red Dead Redemption game was released on May 18th, 2010. Then, 8 years later, the prequel, known as Red Dead Redemption 2 was released on October 26th, 2018. The second game takes place in 5 states. New Hanover, Ambarino, Lemoyne, New Austin and West Elizabeth. And the years it takes place is 1899 through 1907. The game’s genre is a Western action-adventure.
From the very beginning, Red Dead Redemption is set in the year 1911, when the whole game reflects on John Marston, who’s a former outlaw. In case you don’t know, an outlaw is someone who has broken a law. Anyway, John Marston’s wife and son are taken hostage by the government for ransom for his services as a hired gun. John Marston, takes it upon himself and brings three members of his former gang to bring justice. Now, Red Dead Redemption 2 is set in the years 1899 through 1907. It starts off with another outlaw named Arthur Morgan, and follows along with the main protagonist from the first game, John Marston. Red Dead Redemption 2’s plot follows Arthur Morgan, who he’s a member of the Van der Linde gang. He’s dealing with decline of the Wild West while trying to survive against government forces, rival gangs, and other enemies along the way.
Now I don’t know about you, but Red Dead Redemption was a game I was hoping they would make another game. Whether it was a prequel or a sequel, I wanted them to make another game. I really like the setting and the plot is something that I admire in the game as well. And the fact that they made another game, AND to add, it’s a prequel, we get to see more deeper about the Wild West before, and hopefully the members of the Marston family.
5. Portal: (October 10th, 2007) Portal 2: (April 18th, 2011)
The Portal series, I love. I remember playing the second game of Portal. Never really played the first game, so I was confused, honestly. But anyway, the Portal series doesn’t have an exact date but apparently, it takes place in 2010. The setting of the game is at a private laboratory called Aperture Science. The Portal series is a puzzle-platform video game.
The plot of the Portal series starts off with a woman named Chell. Chell is a test subject for the Aperture Science Labs. Chell is instructed with an artificial intelligence named GLaDOS, who hands her a handheld portal device. This gives Chell the ability to get items from places she can’t reach, and she can solve puzzles this way. GLaDOS, in the end, promises Chell a piece of cake when she’s completed all the puzzles in the game. But this all refers to the phrase “The cake is a lie.” And GLaDOS tries to kill Chell. But in an attempt to, Chell uses the portal gun and fights GLaDOS. In the end, Chell is dragged back into Aperture Science, and is put to rest in there. Now, Portal has ended.
Now, let’s fast forward to Portal 2. Chell awakens from her deep sleep by another robot from the facility named Wheatley. There, Chell obtains her old portal device from the first game, and from there, Chell and Wheatley are on their way through the labs once again. Wheatley wants to become one with the facility, like GLaDOS was, but it all fails when GLaDOS awakens from her deep sleep and crushes Wheatley, when the two of you are caught trying to sneak past her. Later, it is revealed that Wheatley isn’t dead. For some reason… Later, while retrieving Wheatley, Chell runs into GLaDOS, again, and then Wheatley tells Chell to plug him into the spot GLaDOS once was, which is where if anyone is linked up there, they have all power to the facility. Then, Chell is instructed to press a button, which GLaDOS is beaten and Wheatley is now in control of the whole facility. GLaDOS becomes a potato and she’s through down underground of the laboratory and so is Chell. The reason? Well, let’s say Wheatley betrayed you and he brought you along with GLaDOS down underground. Now, cutting this short, Chell is forced to find her way out of the underground with GLaDOS, using substances to help Chell jump higher, run faster, and etc. Later, Chell is with GLaDOS dealing with puzzles once they found their way upstairs. And they need to defeat Wheatley before it’s too late. Now, Wheatley is defeated by being sent to the Moon, and GLaDOS is in control of the facility once again. Now, everything is back to normal, GLaDOS wants nothing to do with Chell anymore and she sends her back above and out of Aperture Science, where this is the end of the game.
Now, I love Portal and it’s a nice puzzle game. I love the plot towards the first game and the second game. It’s something great! I absolutely love the graphics And the fact that apparently, Portal and Portal 2 take place within another game called Half Life really concerns me. It’s something that really fascinates me! I love this game and it resembles my childhood!
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The complaint from Half-Life fans with regards to Portal 2 was that many of them believe the tone of Portal to just be too far removed from the tone of Half-Life. Portal 2, unless you spend a lot of time thinking about what everything that’s happening means (which people who aren’t interested in Portal longer than the time it takes to play it aren’t going to do), is irreverent, goofy, and chaotic. A common complaint I saw was that it just wasn’t as serious as Half-Life, given there was a joke once every two minutes. Couple that with the fact that one of the writers included Erik Wolpaw and Russell is just Wheatley but smart and with a different accent... Half-Life fans weren’t too happy to hear the Portal 2 writers were on Alyx even though Marc Laidlaw himself said Portal 2 was one of the best pieces of sci-fi writing and having a fresh perspective on it was a good idea. A lot of people also regarded Kelly Bailey’s Half-Life OST as iconic and, of course, disliked the electronic bent of Mike Morasky’s Portal 2 OST and decided in advance it was neither going to measure up nor fit. I don’t recall the details but there was also a rumoured email about some newer employees disrespecting Marc Laidlaw which the older fans also took offense to
Because Valve doesn’t make things for the fans. Valve makes things for Valve. Going back to the fanfic example, it’s like accidentally writing the best story in your fandom and then leaving it on a cliffhanger. You promise a sequel and you promise that the sequel will be every bit as good as the original, but because you write by the seat of your pants you honestly have no idea. You wrote the original story on adrenalin and insomnia. And the years go by and you promise the sequel and you show everyone your killer first chapter... but you don’t have anything else. You keep watching everyone read your fic which is now number one on every list of fics everyone needs to read and it keeps sitting there at number one and people keep drawing fanart and writing fics in your verse and people are writing piles and piles of headcanons about it and saying it’s one of the greatest fics of all time and asking ‘where is the sequel???’ and you don’t want to have to say you gave up on it so... you give them a prequel and hope that’s enough to give you enough time to figure out what the hell your sequel is even going to be.
The HL3 fanfic (as he called it) had one big problem, as I remember: the resistance loses. Marc Laidlaw said there was literally no way the Combine would ever lose. There was just no way. They’d conquered tougher planets, they had an endless slave army, they had wildly advanced technology. The story would end with the Combine victorious. Unless you’re a god-tier writer, that’s very hard to pull off and especially in a video game where you’re asking the player to continue on with a fight they’re destined to lose. Half-Life wrote itself into a corner and that corner got smaller with every consecutive year of hype. I think at this point, to live up to expectations, Half-Life 3 would have to be the greatest game ever made. That’s a very lofty and difficult to attain title, so it’s no wonder that Valve, who makes their games on based on whim and how excited they are for something at the time, is intimidated by the legend of a game they haven’t even made
Wait are there people who were genuinely upset/didn't like the ending of Half Life Alyx?? That surprises me honestly, I thought it was really good and I enjoyed it.
#so says Indy#Half-Life#I will fully admit I do not remember the details of the HL3 synopsis because I hated it#the premise was something like 'the Borealis just spontaneously teleports wherever it wants and also it time travels'#I was like 'okay that sounds like a cop-out' and immediately forgot all about it
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