#And if you have a child think about how much risk you’re exposing your child to. They don’t choose & their wellbeing matters.

[rad4learning]

I’m going to spell this out for everyone:

I have been - I think - pretty clear on my stance that I think normalisation has a relatively small role in perpetuating masculine/feminine performance. I think radblr culture has a tendency to promote the requirements of feminism as inaction moreso than action and I think that’s not very helpful.

So yeah, if I had to make the call, I’m going to consider the woman who shows up to fight for retirement contributions to be included in maternity leave while wearing makeup and having a boyfriend a net positive contribution to feminism.

This doesn’t mean I think that femininity performance is generally a good idea. I think things like wearing makeup, shaving etc. generally have a low return on investment. I think they generally soothe some self-consciousness at cost of your time, money and learning to be comfortable without them. Let alone potential health impacts etc.

I also think that if you’re a woman who particularly cares about what “radblr thinks” or your discord group then the high risk & low likelihood of lasting reward characteristic of male partnering is heightened. If you aren’t confident to back yourself with these women & do your own decision making what are the chances you’ll be with a male partner? The risks from not backing yourself and being willing to leave are much higher with him too.

If you’re pretty caught up in how others perceive you and your actions then it might be especially beneficial to learn to be ok with a higher chance of people judging your looks. It could be especially helpful to learn that it often isn’t that big a deal as you think. To learn to say “this is the choice I have made for myself. Your opinion is irrelevant.”

I’m in team we all make our own risk assessments. I’m not going to say you’re morally bad if you choose a higher risk option where the costs are primarily born by yourself. It doesn’t mean I’ll think it’s the best choice available but I’ll recognise that it’s your choice to make. (and I don’t really know you or your context so…. why care about my/others’ opinion that much??)

I think the end goal is a society where women don’t get sexist punishment for anything - including avoidable bad choices. Obviously we are not in that society yet. Obviously it is prudent to act based on the current landscape. I recommend acting based on a combination of realism and your ideals.

Where’s the balance? Figure it out for yourself. There is no one answer.

[2-dsimp]

Who would baby trap mc? Asking for science.

🤓

『Featuring Babytrapping with the Hitman Team』

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Cw: 🔞NSFW MDNI! Fem reader! Baby trapping,

——;——;————;———-

Would Babytrap you intentionally

——;——;————;———-

Bjorn the Strategist: As the strategist of the team it’d only be fitting for him to intentionally plan. On knocking you up to make sure you’ll forever be inclined to stay with him. But only after doing some intensive research about child rearing and pregnancy. So he’s able to provide you with everything you may need and ensure that both you and his child are safe and sound.

Yujin the hacker: he’d be upfront with you on his plans of knocking you up. With a childish grin on his face, the hacker will straight up tell you that he’s going to get you pregnant. So that he can finally get a tasteful of your breast milk. His openness would dupe you into thinking he was joking since Yujin’s always been a prankster at times. So really you can’t blame him if he did exceed in doing exactly as he told. since he made sure to give you a prior notice ahead of time.

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Would Babytrap you unintentionally

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Ossian the sniper: don’t get me wrong he loves you dearly. So much in fact that in his sleep. He’ll go as far as to make sure you feel how deep his love for you goes until you’re filled up like a cream puff. The funny part is that when you’re holding up a positive pregnancy test in Ossian’s face he’d think he was dreaming. And would promptly wish aloud that he’d never wake up. Since the dream of having a family with you would make him feel as if he’s floating on cloud nine.

Vincent the Enforcer: would be so wrapped up in how good you felt going in raw. That he’d completely forget to pull out, and would mutter apologies underneath his breath. Whilst continuing to bust his thick spurts of jizz inside your squelching cunt. Saying how he can’t help himself and promising with butterfly kisses. Against your neck that he’d be a good daddy and take care of both you and the baby.

Danny the boss: this otaku cannot cope with how turned on you make him feel on a daily basis. He’d be so desperate to have more of you, to get balls deep inside. That place he calls heaven in between those thighs of yours. To the point of where his fat tip would break through the condom and make him nut prematurely inside you. From instantly being exposed to your depths. After Seeing the positive pregnancy test, Danny would faint like a damsel in distress. Due to an extensive nosebleed at the mere vision he had of you having baby bump. His baby bump

——;——;————;———-

Wouldn’t try to Baby trap you.

——;——;————;———-

Moros the Torturer: would never try to baby trap his sunshine. He’d want to make sure of having kids is what you’d so desire. So if you want kids you’ll have to reassure Moros constantly that you’d want to have a family with him. Since he’d hate to do anything that would cause you any kind of harm or discomfort. He knows that pregnancy can affect you long term and is well versed in the risks. So he’d never put your wellbeing in jeopardy despite how he truly yearns for a big family.

Koji the medic: is meticulous when it comes to sex, he’ll make sure that no happy accidents. will happen under his watch since he doesn’t particularly like to idea of having kids. Nor does he plan to entertain the idea of losing his dearest nurse to birthing a parasite. If push comes to shove he’ll definitely choose to toss the whole kid away than to ever risk lose his darling.

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Actually in love with the Bayverse kiddo stories you’ve done they’re so cute!! I honestly can’t pick which one is my favourite but I think it’s a tie between the stories of Raph and Donnie catching their kids sneaking out of the lair/in the lab without permission - idk they’re just really cute to read I love them both so much!! 

If you’re still taking ideas for family centred Bayverse stuff, if you’re comfortable with it how do you think the turtles would react to knowing their s/o is pregnant?? With how the turtles are mutant and their s/o would be human, would any of the turtles even think it was possible to produce healthy offspring?? Who would be very taken aback/take a while to come to terms with the situation verses who would adjust fairly quickly??

The Turtles Reactions To You Being Pregnant (Fluff)

Children Series

Bayverse!Turtles x reader

A/N: I hope this is what you were looking for. It might not be exactly as you described, but I hope you’ll enjoy it none the less💚

Warnings: Implied connulingus, talk of infertility.

Leonardo:

When you first learned of your pregnancy, you were in absolute shock. Maybe even horrified. Here you had married a mutant turtle, never taking the time to care much for protection, as neither of you thought anything would come of it. You and Leo had hoped. Even talked about it, allowing each other to dream about it for a moment. Children. Actually having children together. A dream that neither of you ever really believed would become true. But then, when you suddenly started noticing a few symptoms, you couldn’t stop yourself from taking a test. And then another because you didn’t believe the first result. And then one more. And another. You broke down, both out of happiness, fear and shock. But that would be nothing compared to when you told your husband about it.

At first Leo refused to believe what you told him. He almost got mad at you, thinking that you were playing some cruel joke on him. No way you dared making fun of something you both had fantasized about for so long, slowly coming to terms with the fact that it would never happen. But as you stood before him, teary eyed, holding up not just one but several positive tests, Leo could no longer deny what was true.

Leo felt every emotion within a few seconds. Overjoyed excitement and shock. So much, that for the first time in Leo’s well controlled life, he lost all emotional control. He cried, laughed, yelled, sang and at one point even did a little dance as he hurried out to the living area, in order to tell his family.

But then the fear and worry came crashing. Never had a human and a mutant turtle reproduce together. There was no way of knowing if the child would be born healthy. Or if it even was safe for you to carry a hybrid within you.

That unlocked a whole new side of Leo. A nervous rack that started fearing the worst, holding your hand tight and almost hugging himself, as the two of you awaited the test results from the various checks Donatello had made on you.

The wait for answers almost made Leo sick. He was fidgety, never leaving your side, fearing what would happen if he did. He laid awake most nights, holding you and your still unchanged stomach close. It got so bad that Donnie started worrying more about his brother’s wellbeing instead of yours, taking time out of your daily checks to check Leo’s vitals.

Finally came the day of answers. Nothing was out of the ordinary - well, other than the hybrid child inside of you. But there was no evidence that your health was at risk, or that the child was in any arms way. Donnie even found evidence that suggested that the mugaten you would have been exposed to through Leo, might even make the process smoother.

And with that Leo could finally breathe a sigh of relief, finally letting himself relax, feeling his much needed sleep rush over him, dreaming of the day you and Leo would be holding your first child out of many.

Raphael:

The revelation that a human could in fact get impregnated by a mutant turtle, was a game changer for you and Raph. You could still remember the exact moment you and Raph looked at each other, realizing what this could mean for the two of you.

Yet, children had never really been something you and Raph had talked about. But the moment Leo and his partner started getting ready for their first child, it was as if your thoughts started spinning. Well, Raph’s more than yours. Of course, Raph had felt the need for mating during mating season, along with the thought of offsprings, but it never went much further than that. Until now.

Raph started finding himself daydreaming about you, him and any future children quite often. You and him, mixed together in a cute little bundle of pure happiness.

The final trigger was when Raph’s nephew was born, and Raph could finally see how a reality like this might be better than his daydreams. And that was when Raph finally decided to tell you that he wanted a child, and just how long he had been thinking about it.

And much to you and Raph’s excitement, it didn’t take long before the bees and the flowers did their thing, and you got pregnant with you and Raph’s first child. And when you told Raph about it, his reaction showed just how badly he wanted this. Letting out a victory roar, Raph pulled you in for a tight hug, lifting you off the ground and showering your face with kisses, before throwing you over his shoulder, so he could bring you with the good news to the others.

During the majority of your pregnancy, Raph was cool. Even before you got pregnant, it wasn’t strange for him to smack your ass whenever he walked past you, but now he took it to a whole other level. It was pretty much impossible for you to walk around the lair, without Raph making some sort of spicy remark about your current situation, and how feasting it was for his eyes. Who would have thought that your husband would have a thing for your body parts growing due to child baring?

But the closer and closer you got to your due date, the more nervous Raph seemed to get. Any sound, any movement, and Raph was ready at your side, thinking that it was your signal that it was time.

But the day you finally went into labor, Raph was an absolute wreck, almost needing more care than you did, with you and the others reminding him to breathe while you pushed your first born out.

Nonetheless, the moment your daughter was born, and Raph realized everything was okay, he seemed to get some color back in his face.

Donatello:

You had for a long time wanted children. You had talked about it a long time before anybody even knew it would be possible, often letting Donnie know your thoughts on the topic. But Donnie, not so much. He had never really spent much time thinking about it, outside of his mating season. When he wasn’t in the middle of the most animalistic of his urges, the mere thought of having to take care of a child of his own, made him feel somewhat strange.

But then, seeing two of his brothers and their partners becoming parents, along with helping them through the process, made Donnie’s mind race. First it was an innocent small thought. A child. Then it turned into more. You and him with a child. But not just any child. Your child. His child. And then, before Donnie knew it, the baby fever had started taking over.

You noticed it before Donnie, seeing how he acted around his nephew and niece. It was like he had done a 180, from never really engaging in your conversations about children, but just letting you talk on your own, to actively helping out his brothers. He even started asking them questions about parenting. And at that point, pretty much everybody knew what was going on inside Donnie’s head, and there was no way he could hide it anymore. He wanted a child.

Donnie went into this, a little more well thought out than his brothers had. Taking account of your cyclus, along with his mating season, and all of the other factors he could find, Donnie found the perfect time for you and him to try to have a child. But all of that planning flew out the window the moment his mating season hit, and you found yourself pregnant within a short time.

Donnie was pretty level headed throughout the whole thing. He had wanted this. He had planned for this. Of course he was a little nervous. Who wouldn’t be? But he had to keep calm, for you and for the kid.

But then your water broke, causing Donnie to fly into an almost full blown panic, forgetting everything he had planned. It took a slap from Raph and a few good words from Leo, along with some encouragement from Mikey to get him back on track.

And back on track Donnie got. He guided you through, almost with more ease than he had with his brothers’ partners. For a moment he just switched off all emotions and focused on the task before him.

But as soon as your son was born, and was laying safely in your arms, Donnie broke under all of his suppressed emotions, letting out a few happy sobs as the two of you watched the little guy before you.

Michelangelo:

If there was one that wanted children, it was Mikey. He had been talking about it, long before his oldest brother and spouse figured out it was possible. So can you imagine his excitement, not just for his brother’s good news, but when he realized the two of you could actually make a family together? He was over the moon, talking about having a child as if he was asking if he could get a puppy.

But the world didn’t seem to think too fondly of you and Mikey’s wish to have children too. Days turned into weeks, and nothing happened. Then days turned to months, and you were still not showing any signs, all while Raph’s partner was heavily pregnant with their child. Months suddenly turned into years, and now Donnie was a father as well. Though you both were happy for them all, it was almost disheartening.

For a time you worried it might have been because of you. The fear that you might have been infertile creeping up in your head, until you finally asked Donnie to check you out. You even went to a human doctor to get checked. But both said the same thing - there was nothing wrong with you.

This left you and Mikey with one last option - maybe it was because of him. It had been known that human males were experiencing a lowering of sperm counts, along with a lower quality of said sperm, so who were to say it couldn’t happen for a mutant turtle as well?

And so, Mikey went to work immediately, trying to figure out what he could do. The conclusion from Donnie came much earlier than the two of you had expected, but his results were not surprising - a better diet, more training, no more alcohol on the weekends until you had a baby in you, less stressing video games and more vitamins.

Mikey took it all with no complaints. If he wanted a child he would have to work for it, and so he did. Even if he at times wanted to fall over when he couldn’t eat his favorite foods, play his favorite video games, or just do what he normally did as a creature of habit. But he wanted that child, so he could not just give up like that! No! And so he kept going.

And after a few weeks of non stop trying, you and Mikey finally saw the fruit of his labor, when your daily morning test out in the bathroom finally showed positive, altering the rest of the lair with your high pitch scream as you ran to Mikey, happy tears in your eyes as you showed him what the two of you had been waiting for, for so long.

Mikey was overjoyed, screaming louder than any of his brothers had done. Finally! After so long, he was finally going to become a father. He had worked so hard, but never once did he or you give up. And therefore, Mikey rightfully decided to celebrate the good news, with the first junk food he had gotten in a long while.

From that night, all up until you gave birth, Mikey slept, hugging your stomach, happy that it was finally happening for the two of you.

[dxstopiaa]

Sinful Syllables

Synopsis: Name-spelling never exposed your lover’s dirty secrets like this before. [18+ drabbles]

Characters: Thoma, Ayato, Childe and Dottore x Fem! Reader! <3

Warnings: Pure NSFW content, interact at your own risk. [Content: Oral giving and receiving, Impact Play, Exhibitionism, Humiliation.] [ exposed myself with dottore’s part (>////<) ? ]

Previous <- Current -> Next

Thoma

Toys

“Ah—Dear! Please, Stop!” His muffled whines were whispered into your ear. Poor Thoma, he tried so hard to resist whatever scandalous plans you had, just for you, yet you’re pushing him to his limit. That vibrating cock ring you had begged him to try— the housekeeper was doing his best to not cum in his boxers, it would be more to add to his already busy schedule. You chuckled lightly as he almost collapsed onto you, opting to guide him to the bedroom to give him his long awaited reward.

Humiliation

He knew you still had some decency not to take the teasing too far in-front of the Kamisato clan, but that doesn’t mean you never done so. You think it’s adorable when he stifles a moan beside you when sitting together, rubbing your hand over his clothed erection. The worst part is that the other maids gave him a questionable look. Embarrassment glowed on his cheeks, covering his face from shame. He couldn’t believe how he had let you reduce him to such a state, maybe it’s that gorgeous grin on your lips—the ones he wanted to kiss so badly.

Oral

He’s inexperienced with giving oral— it’s messy and experimental but it never fails to have you cumming over his tongue from every sloppy kiss to your clit. You’re latching onto his golden hair, tugging on it with every wave of euphoria which hit you, pulling his face flush in-between your thighs. He’s treated you so well, this gesture should be reciprocated too, no? You’d trail your lips over his tip, sucking and licking the sensitive slit of his. Thoma whines and groans whilst you begin to deepthroat his cock, relishing in the feeling of your warm mouth.

Moaning

Thoma makes the prettiest noises— drag your tongue over his nipples and he’ll be whining and whimpering, run sloppy kisses over the tip of his dick and you’ll have a moaning mess of a man beneath you. Each touch of yours flowed pleasurably through his body like water and electricity, he’s always very sensitive. Don’t forget the pleads and broken begs he stutters out when you edge him for the first time, increasing in volume and desperation as minutes passed. “Ah..! Continue, i beg of you!”

Authority

While he is a switch, he’s more on the submissive side. Why you ask? He’s always so busy with his duties he longs for the scenario where he can just let go of himself for once. Your boyfriend is extremely tired once he comes back to you after a day’s work, so much so that he allows you to do whatever you want to him. Ride him? Sure, Thoma adores the way your body slides up and down his cock, evidently with his breathy moans. Just want to cuddle and cockwarm him? That’s completely fine too, he’ll fall asleep with you closer than ever. Some occasions he’ll be dominant with you if you’ve been teasing him for so long, but he always eventually ends up following your every command.

Ayato

Authority

Most definitely dominant, the commissioner prefers to be in control as he knows exactly how to make the both of you feel good. No doubt about it, he finds it endearing how you want to try and top him, but one way or another you’ll be beneath him, punished for trying to tease too much. Whether you want Ayato to be soft or rough, he’ll cater to your desires, just leave it all to him. He will send tides of delight wherever you wish so, on your delicate pussy or your pretty breasts.

Yearning

He tries ever so hard to concentrate on the documents on the table in-front of him, but the longer he stares, the more that unholy image of your unclothed body on the very same desk reappears. His dick throbbed against the tight constraints of his suit trousers, making it even more of a challenge to focus. The friction of his hand trailing up his cock reminded him of your ass grinding against his thigh whilst he’s working— it almost compelled him to invite you to his office himself. Only a few more minutes and he’ll have his way with you.

Addiction

He’s addicted to your soft pants whenever he’s pumping in and out of you—such beautiful noises from his beloved, but ever sinful. It’s futile really, you’re begging to the Celestia above that he’ll let you have your release, you should be praying to him instead. No issue though, Ayato can just fuck you harder and rougher until you realise your mistake and begin to sing melodic pleads to your fiancé instead. He deserves your attention, he supposes.

Threesome

“Relax, princess.” He coos, sending your discomfort upon feeling a second dick resting against your ass. Ayato had proposed the concept of his hydro silhouette mere minutes ago, but the idea hadn’t processed through yet from how hard he was fucking you, reducing your mind to a numb, stimulated mess. The unusual yet not unpleasant sensation of the sly mimic sliding his cock between your soft thighs before thrusting into pace beside your fiancé left you desperate for more and more. A mix of hydro and cum leaked down your legs and poured out from your cunt when they both finished inside you, the silhouette disappeared after Ayato dismissed it, he’d rather put his strength into caring for your exhausted body.

Orgasm

He knows you’re close, he can feel your wet pussy clenching him so tightly. Your moans grew in volume, as did your back arch into Ayato’s bare chest. Does he let you finish, or should be edge you till he’s the one cunning first? Both offers are so, so tempting that the Yashiro commissioner can’t make his mind up. If he’s feeling generous enough that day, he would ask you which you’d prefer. If he’s in a teasing mood, he’ll do the exact opposite of what you ask him, adoring those groans of frustration from your pouty lips. Perhaps you should ask nicely.

Childe

Cum

If there was one place Tartaglia loved to cum, it would be inside of you. Your pussy clenching around his cock in a desirous objective to keep his hot load within you. It was difficult for your boyfriend not to get hard again from how eager you were to please him. His cum is definitely thick and there’s a substantial amount of it—yet it doesn’t take long at all for him to spill all of it wherever he wants. Whether it’s all over his hands whilst showering, thinking of your ass bouncing against his hips or over your breasts, he can’t go a day or two without relieving himself.

Hypersexual

Sex was on his mind constantly, his mind often wanders to your body whilst he’s in important meetings or simply when you’re sleeping beside him. It pains him to have to conceal his hardness; it was something the immature man was yet to learn. Of course, he’d always ask you if you’re comfortable with his high-maintenance libido, just for you he’d be willing to learn self control. Don’t leave him waiting for too long though, or the next time he’ll be pumping into you for hours.

Impregnation

Everyone knows how fond Childe is of familial bonds— he adores the day he’ll be able to greet his children when he arrives from work, dedicating as much time as he can to being a good father. So expect to be held into a mating press with his dick, for once, slowly and carefully moving along your walls, ensuring he hits your cervix so he can fill it with as much of his seed as possible. He lusts over your soft moans, it tells the young harbinger exactly how contented you feel and how deep he’s reaching. Bonus for your husband if you beg him for his cum, he’ll have you in all possible positions to ensure all his sperm can reach your womb.

Lingerie

It’s not a new discovery that Tartaglia has the overflowing income he can spend without any worry. Why not buy you something to pamper yourself with whilst he’s here? Red’s his favourite colour to see, it looks so gorgeous on you. Lace, silk and frills are no exception to these garments, they’ll always be personalised to match you to so that he gets hard just thinking about it. He absolutely adores you teasing him by sitting on his lap or bending over in that skimpy short robe to reveal your delicate panties. So much so that he’ll just move them to the side when he fucks you.

Dacryphillia

Glossy, tear-ridden eyes greet his lusty ones as you try your best to keep it hidden. Cute, but it doesn’t work. Tartaglia will keep thrusting deeper and deeper until the droplets of salty water descend your flushed cheeks. Your pants and cries of it all being too much go unheard—no, ignored even, your boyfriend is too busy overstimulating you. “Awe, it’s alright, princess, at least you know how good i make you feel…mhm?”

Energy

A well-fought harbinger, determined in battle, you can’t expect him to be any less energetic in bed, can’t you? Childe can run on pure lust alone, he disregards any tiredness with the motive of chasing out every last orgasm you have for him. Most nights, expect around three, lengthy rounds—if you’ve managed to work him up or fill him with jealousy, oh no. Be prepared to be bred and fucked until you’re rendered half-unconscious from the pleasure. “Exhausted already, love? Ah, that won’t do, you’ve got more stamina than that, i know you do.”

Dottore

Diversiform

It was all just too much — your pretty mouth stretched open to accommodate for your husband’s cock whilst your delicate hands smoothed over his clones’ either side of you, their grunts drowning out your own cries of ecstasy. Not to mention the lookalike who was pounding deep inside of you, fucking you roughly with each chasmic thrust. Dottore cackled, chanting a compound of praise and coos. He should suggest his lewd ideas more often, he suggests. “Hah, love…just like that, my wife.”

Oral

Your lips were coated in his cum and saliva— Dottore would pull you up by your collar to taste himself from your sore lips, moaning loudly when you’d try to grind against him whilst you temporarily sat on his lap. It was an endless cycle of trying to fit his length into your warm mouth, tears rolling down your cheeks whilst gagging as he had thrusted too far down your throat. Your knees would be scarlet and bruised afterwards— but he knew you liked it rough anyways.

Toys

As, perhaps, the most skilled ‘engineer’ within Teyvat, the proposal of toys had been brought up countless times. Though of course, not without some modifications. Dottore often sat a few feet away, stroking his calloused hand over his dick whilst you pleasured yourself with his inventions. A phallic-shaped piece ravaging your walls, the automatic movement proving too rapid for your limits. Tears collected in the corner of your eyes, hiccuping whilst begging your beloved to fill you up instead. He merely huffed, accelerating the speed once more.

Tentacles

It wasn’t uncustomary for the harbinger to introduce all sorts of new fantasies, but upon witnessing you indulging in such filthy… aquatic novels, he had decided to treat you a little. Hence why you were strewn across his bed, tendrils from who knows where filling you up, the slimy appendages slithering over your clit and pumping against your already full cervix whilst you writhed and moaned, clasping onto Dottore’s hand as he relished in the obscene sounds. You were abandoned in the realm of overstimulation, barely able to slur some muffled pleads from your lips whilst the array of suction cups continued to suck on your sensitive nipples.

Objection

Tears threatened to spill from your glossy eyes when your beloved pulled out right before you reached your climax. He loved watching you force yourself back against his cock, your soft thighs hitting his own in desperation. So cute, maybe he should just let you have your release. On second thought, he recalls your bratty behaviour earlier and the doctor decides your punishment hasn’t finished just yet.

Restraints

Your husband ponders that you look beautiful like this— thick leather straps pulling and coercing your plush thighs open, swerving around your breasts and ass, squeezing them ever so slightly. The mere appearance of the constraints pulling you into submission has him painfully hard whilst he imagines everything he could do to you right now.

Embarrassment

“Look at you, already making a mess of yourself…” The doctor frowned, fucking the disobedience from your body mercilessly whilst he ignored your mewls of humiliation. He just loved seeing your strained expression, retaining as much dignity as you could when you’re literally being stared at by a trio of flustered, lusty fatui agents. The harbinger continued to cackle spontaneously at you, who trying ever so hard not to disappoint her dear husband. Dottore continued to pinch and suck your sensitive nipples whilst he rammed into you over and over again, so much so that you no longer cared who was observing.

[ghostofhyuck]

Gang AU Series 4

Mafia’s son! Lee Donghyuck x Politician’s daughter! Reader

Summary: “It’s you and me against the world.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

You were six when you first met Lee Donghyuck at a private dinner party. 

Your father was a successful congressman in your district. He’s powerful, charismatic, and favoured by the public. You grew up knowing the two sides of your father. One is the congressman, and the other one is the shady businessman.

That’s where you met Donghyuck. He was the son of your father’s most trusted man in the underground scene. They are highly influential, but make it illegal. You knew that because your father backs up their business, and in exchange, is their security to your father, both in the legal and illegal perspectives. 

“You can call me Hyuck!” he introduced, you only stared at him. 

“Dear, it’s rude to only stare at people,” your father laughed. Your mother is somewhere, entertaining other visitors, and as much as you want to cling to your father the whole night, Donghyuck has other plans. 

“Yn,” you said quietly. 

“Son how about you bring yn to the playground, I’m sure you two will love it.” Donghyuck’s father said, your ears catch the attention of the word, ‘playground’, and before Donghyuck can ask you, you have already stood up from your seat, ready to enjoy the playground. 

You ran your way towards the backyard of the Lee’s mansion. A full set playground was placed on the grass field, and you immediately raced towards the swing, sitting there idly. 

“Do you want me to push you?” you turned around to see Donghyuck walking towards you. 

“Please?” 

That night brought you two closer. You two talked about childish things, like what you two want when you two grow up, or what you two think about each other’s parents. You told him about your vacations outside the country while he shared his life in Jeju. 

Little you two know that both fathers are watching you two from the glass door of the mansion. 

“Do you think they’ll be friends when they grow up?” Mr. Lee asked. 

Your father only chuckled, “Wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up together too.” 

You and Donghyuck grew up together. You witnessed him grow from that small, annoying child to a young, fine man. While he saw how that crybaby became a rebellious daughter of the congressman. You two were each other’s ride or die. Trouble is stuck with both of you, causing headaches from both families.

And to make it worse, you two fall in love with each other. A thing that was as easy as walking in the park. You two were madly in love with each other, that no one opposed it. Ever since you two were kids, the hints of you two marrying each other has always been on the tongues of your parents whenever you two are together. Back when you two were kids, you two would react as if it was the most disgusting thing in the world. But as you two grow older, you two realise that you are made for each other. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Donghyuck asked. 

“I just have a bad feeling about this dinner party my family needs to attend,” you confessed. Years passed and your father is still a powerful man in the government. He is now running as a senator, and as his position becomes higher, so are the risks of him being exposed to being inclined with the underground scene. 

But remembering that you’re dating the son of the Lee family, you tried to brush it off. You know that there’s no way Donghyuck will betray you. 

You watched as Donghyuck fixed his position, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer to him. 

“Then why don’t you just ditch it and sleep here with me?” he suggested, making you laugh. 

“I can’t, it’s important for dad’s election, he said that we’ll be meeting a powerful businessman,” you told him. 

“As powerful as my dad?” 

“I guess, in a legal way,” you teased. 

“You wouldn’t leave me for a cleaner guy won’t you?” he asked. 

You broke from his arms, sitting up and looking at him with a confused look. “Hyuck, you know that I wouldn't do that to you.”

But your lover only smiled, “I'm just teasing you, come here.”

His lips were about to crash onto yours when a knock on the door separated you too. The door opened, revealing the head of the Lee family. 

“Yn, your father’s looking for you now,” Mr. Lee said. 

“Oh right,” you muttered. You left the bed, grabbed your things, and before you exit, you waved goodbye to Donghyuck and his father. Your boyfriend mouthed “Good luck!” to you while Mr. Lee could only offer you a nod. As you left, Donghyuck was confused on why his father’s still in front of his doorway. 

“Son, we need to talk.” 

-

Your father didn’t mention to you that the dinner party was a private event. 

A small family entered your house. You were wearing a simple dress and wore light makeup since you’re just there for formality. Your father seems to be excited about the dinner, welcoming the man with a hug and a firm handshake. You heard your mother exhaling loudly, that’s when you become confused as you look at her eyes and she seems weary about the situation. 

“Dear, let me introduce you the Na family,” 

You only smiled as you greeted them. 

“This is my daughter yn,” your father introduced. You gave them another smile and even bowed. 

“Oh she’s lovely! Don’t you think Jaemin?” the older woman complimented. 

You glanced at the boy who’s probably the same-age as yours. He smiles, and offers his hands. You only accepted it, and to your surprise, he kissed it. 

“It’s nice to meet you yn,” he said, giving you his bright smile once again. 

Your heart started to beat fast, that you could only give him a nod as you let go from his touch. Your father excused that maybe you were just flustered about the action, offering them to continue the conversation. 

You felt tense during dinner. Something about the family felt like a bad idea. Your parents kept the conversation alive, and all you can hear is about politics and business, perhaps it’s another campaign support for the upcoming election.

You also found it weird, how the mother tried to swoon you at how handsome and good Jaemin is with everything. As if she’s trying to sell her son to you. It was a good thing your mother dived into the conversation, trying to save you from the awkward atmosphere. 

“I assume that you have a boyfriend,” Jaemin said, approaching you who’s standing outside all alone. After dinner, you decided to get some fresh air. You feel like there’s something weird about the occasion. It wasn’t the usual campaign party that your father would hold. Usually it’ll be filled with a lot of people. But this private dinner party that involved only one family was sketchy.

“I do, we’ve been together for four years,” you said proudly, thinking about Donghyuck. “And he has been my best friend since we were kids.”

Jaemin only pursed his lips, bitterly smiling. “Damn, it must’ve hurt then.”

You creased your forehead, “What do you mean?”

Jaemin turns around and looks at the glass window. There, you can see your parents laughing together with his parents. 

“Didn’t they tell you? This is our first meet-up before we get engaged officially.” 

You fell deaf from your surroundings. You only looked at Jaemin, and the only thing that he can offer is a bitter smile. You couldn’t say anything to him, and as you stood there frozen, only one person came into your mind. 

Donghyuck. 

No. You don’t like the idea. You hated the idea. You wanted to be with Donghyuck. You love him, and you want to spend the rest of your life with him. This is stupid. All those years of hinting of marrying him suddenly switched? What happened? You can feel a headache coming all of the sudden. 

“Excuse me,” you said, leaving Jaemin alone there. 

You enter the house and while your parents called your attention, you ignored them, storming to your room and closing it with a loud thud. 

You paced back and forth, not noticing that your parents entered your room. 

“Yn, is there something —”

“Tell me that it’s not true!” you shouted. 

Both of your parents looked at each other, before your father looked at you with an apologetic look. “Dear, I am sorry —”

“No! You will not have me married off to someone I don’t even know!”

“Yn, please just listen to us,” your mother pleaded. 

“We officially cut ties with the Lee family,” your father announced. “It’s for your own good.”

“For my own good? All I know is that you don’t want to be ruined for the upcoming election!”

“I did what I needed to do! You should start thinking that your foolish love can bring you in danger,” your father lectured. “They are dangerous people yn.”

You only stared at your father. Tears forming from your eyes. “No, I will never let you use me for your political gain. Never again, not when you did it back when I was a kid. I will never marry Jaemin.” 

The room became quiet. You can see the anger from your father’s eyes, and the worried look from your mother. As you had a staring contest with your father, he could only give up. He knows that it is hard for you to process everything. You’ll take things slowly, and soon, you’ll come to understand why he did it. 

“Give it time to think,” your father said quietly, and in a second, he leaves along with your mother.

As soon as you heard the doors close. You grabbed your phone, teary-eyed as you searched for Donghyuck’s number. 

“Hey! How’s the dinner party —”

That’s when you started to cry. You poured your heart out to your boyfriend who didn’t do anything but comfort you. Donghyuck listened to you attentively, waiting for your signal for him to speak, let alone say anything. You couldn’t even look at yourself in the mirror anymore, all you know is that you’re ruined with your creased dress and distraught makeup. 

“So, what now?” Donghyuck asked after a few minutes. 

“Hyuck, I love you,” you said. “I love you so so fucking much that I wanted to be with you. This is so fucking stupid, I was fine with marrying you. I wanted to grow old with you. You’re the only one that I want.”

“I love you too,” Donghyuck quickly answered. “But your parents —-”

“Fuck them Hyuck, I had enough with them,” you said with a serious tone. You looked at your door, and the vicinity of your room, until a certain object caught your eyes. 

“Donghyuck, let’s run away.” you suggested. 

There was a moment of silence. “Are you serious?”

“Hyuck listen please,” you mumbled. “It’ll come to a point that my parents will force us to break up and I would rather die than to be separated from you. I just…I just want to be free from my parents Hyuck.” 

“Yn, you’re fucking crazy,” your boyfriend said. “My father already told me about it. Your father cut our connections with him, saying that it’s time for a change and he doesn’t want to be involved with our business anymore.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck said. “It’s not your fault, and I’m with you in this one.”

You were relieved to hear those words. It was another chance for you. Another life waiting for you and it’s with the love of your life. Far from the politics and your controlling parents. It’s what you’ve been looking for. 

“Meet me at the yacht port at two am tonight, just pack light okay?” 

You made sure to follow Donghyuck’s instructions. You managed to sneak out of your place without being caught by your parents. The night was dark and empty and yet, you couldn’t help but feel excited. The feeling of eloping with Donghyuck excites you. You couldn’t wait for what the future holds for you. 

As you reached the port, you became nervous. You looked at your watch and it was ten minutes past two am, you scanned the place. It was empty and quiet. The only thing you can hear is the waves crashing against the huge dock. 

“Yn,” you turned around and to your relief, it was your lover. You ran towards him and crashed him with a hug. 

“Hyuck, what’s the plan —-”

You stopped your tracks, hands caressing his face, your eyes wandered to his, but it seems like he wasn’t gazing at you. His eyes were cold and dead, as if you were a stranger. That’s when you realized what it meant.

“Please, don’t do this to me,” you stuttered, but he only looked away, even tapping your hands away from him. You tried to hold onto him but Donghyuck took a step back, you reached out for him but it’s obvious that he doesn’t want you to be near him. 

“I’m sorry yn,” Donghyuck said, his tone bearing coldness. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Hyuck please, not you too,” you pleaded. Tears are falling from your eyes. You couldn’t help but let out a huge cry as your knees began to wobble in shock. Dropping to the concrete ground.

You couldn’t believe it. It hurts when your parents betrayed you, but it killed you when it came from the person who you loved wholeheartedly. The person you gave all of you that you’re sure that there’s nothing left with you. It hurts that he even led you on, gave you hope that he was willing to throw away everything just to be with you. 

“It’s just not meant to be yn,” he said one last time, and you can hear his footsteps fading, leaving you there alone.

[longhardtransitionreturns]

Author's note: This is a fictional story about a graphic medical birth in which the pregnant woman is presumed to be in a vegetative state but feels every moment of her agonizing birth.

Tara Strahan, then 22, was seven months pregnant with her first child when she and her husband, Brian, were involved in a horrific car crash during a winter storm. Brian died at the scene; Tara was rushed to the hospital where doctors eventually declared her to be in a ‘vegetative state’ as a result of massive head injuries.

Two days later, Tara regained consciousness but quickly realized she couldn’t move or speak. 

“When I woke up, I immediately wanted to know if the baby and my husband were ok. Then I realized I had a tube down my throat, and I couldn’t move at all, even a finger.” 

Tara had become the victim of a rare condition called ‘locked-in syndrome,’ meaning she had full cognitive and physical awareness, but complete paralysis off all voluntary muscles. She was able to feel pain and understand conversations, but unable to let anyone know of her plight. 

“I realized pretty quickly something horrible had happened to Brian. Otherwise, he would have been there. Instead, it was just an endless parade of doctors, and all of them had already given up on me. All the conversations were about how long they needed to keep the baby inside me, and how they would get it out.” 

Tara’s doctors eventually concluded that the risks of anesthesia were too high to perform a c-section. Instead, they decided to induce her labor, and allow her to deliver the baby naturally. 

Tara, who’d told friends that her greatest fear about giving birth was the pain she’d feel before the epidural took effect, had almost two months with nothing to do but think about labor and delivery with no drugs, unable to move or scream or even regulate her own breathing.

“I was scared to death. It was pretty much all I could think about, and hearing people talking about it all the time made it even worse. There were a group of interns, every day during rounds, who’d joke about whether the labor pains would bring me out of my coma. But the worst was when one asked the head obstetrician if I’d be able to push. He said no, not in the usual way, but the force of the contractions would expel the baby from my body. I kept replaying that sentence in my head, wondering how long it would take.”

Because she was unable to tell doctors if she was having contractions, she was monitored closely throughout the rest of her pregnancy. She knew there wasn’t a set date for her to be induced; instead, the procedure would be performed when she started showing effacement or dilation. 

“There was this one nurse who’d talk to me while she cleaned me. She said, ‘today we’re going to induce your labor and you’re going to have your baby, but you’re so lucky, you won’t feel a thing.’ I wanted to scream so bad, let her know that, no, I was going to feel everything.” 

Three years later, Tara still has panic attacks when she remembers what happened that day. (Editor’s note: what follows is a graphic description of traumatic natural birth, and graphic medical procedures. Reader discretion is advised.) 

“There was an air of excitement, and there were about 15 obstetricians from around the country who’d come to watch. They’d given me muscle relaxants so they could spread my legs, because my muscles had started to atrophy. They strapped me into the stirrups right at the start, and my gown was pulled up to just under my boobs. I felt so exposed, but the crowd of people didn’t even shut up when my doctor reached up inside me and stripped my membranes. I remember thinking how humiliating this was gonna be, which I don’t think I’d considered before.” 

Doctors used pitocin to induce Tara’s labor. Unlike the slow build of natural labor, pitocin often induces strong contractions right away. 

“I could see the clock on the wall. About thirty minutes had passed between the shot of Pitocin and when I had the first contraction. It felt like a vice had been wrapped around my uterus. Had I been able to speak, I’d have been yelling from that very first one.” 

Tara endured ten hours of hard labor, with the contractions getting increasingly stronger. While she suffered, doctors and nurses made small talk about their weekend plans. As the labor went on, some started to complain about how long it was taking. 

“I was in agony. I’d never imagined anything could hurt that bad. I wanted to pant, like I’d seen in Lamaze videos, but the ventilator was controlling my breathing. I couldn’t move at all, and being strapped into the stirrups for my entire labor was torture. My hips hurt so bad, especially as the baby moved down farther and the pressure increased.

There was one doctor who kept talking about his dinner reservations. On and on about wishing I’d hurry up and pop it out. He actually walked over and tweaked my nipple, and made a joke about that speeding up labor. Not only did I feel violated, it set off a horrible contraction, like the worst one yet. I got no comfort, no words of support. I was going through the worst thing I’d ever experienced, and it was like no one even considered I could be suffering.”

As Tara went into transition -- the most difficult, painful part of labor -- she says she heard some of the female medical professionals in the room joking about how much pain she’d be in, if she weren’t in a coma.

“There was this machine, they could tell when I was having contractions. They’d started coming one right after another, lasting almost a minute. It felt like I was being stepped on by an elephant. My back hurt, my cunny and arse were starting to feel like they’d explode. One of the women in the room said, “Whew, we know she’s really in a coma, she’d be screaming her head off if she could feel this.” 

Tara was in transition for over an hour before she finally felt the overwhelming urge to push.

“It was the strangest sensation, I’m not ever sure I can describe it. I needed to push so bad, it physically hurt not to push. But I couldn’t. None of those muscles would obey my commands. And then it was like the doctor said, the contractions got even stronger to push the baby out. I could feel him moving down but it was so, so slow.”

Tara watched the clock on the wall for five hours as she endured the excruciating pain of her baby making its way down into her birth canal.

“I wanted to die. I thought it was never going to end. I was praying for a c-section. I knew they probably wouldn’t give me anything for the pain, but I figured I’d have a heart attack when they sliced into me and that would be better than the agony I was feeling.” 

Tara eventually started having chest pains, and the monitors on her and the baby started to alarm. 

“I remember my chest started hurting after the baby had been stuck just behind my entrance for about two hours. I was so hopeful that they’d finally noticed something was wrong with me, that I was dying in pain.”

In fact, the doctors still didn’t know Tara was in distress, but her baby’s vital signs indicated he was. 

“The air changed in the room. All the laughing and joking stopped. One guy started pressing his whole body weight down on my uterus while I was in the middle of a really bad contraction. It hurt so bad, I actually thought it ripped.

He did that for a while, and then I heard them call for the forceps. I was so afraid, my chest was aching, and my cunny was on fire. I just wanted it to be over. I couldn’t see anything over my big belly, so it was a complete surprise when they jammed the first one up there. It felt like the metal was cutting into my pelvic walls. By the time they got the second one in, I was having a horrible contraction, and it felt like my entire stomach had ruptured.

One of the things I remember so clearly was that they cut the episiotomies, on the top and near the bottom, while I was at the peak of a contraction. I was suffering so much, I don’t know why that stuck out to me, but I remember thinking, ‘those bastards just cut me during a contraction.’

Citing pending legal action, Tara’s doctors won’t confirm how long it took to pull the baby out. Tara says it was at least fifteen minutes.

“They kept tugging and tugging and it really felt like my insides were breaking. My cunny was a mess, and they were pulling so hard I kept getting slammed back down on the metal table.”

Tara suffered a separated pelvis in the attempt to get the head out; it’s the moment she calls the “worst pain anyone could ever suffer.” 

“I couldn’t really even think after my pelvis separated. It was all pain, and I didn’t think it would ever end. I know it took a while to get the shoulders out, because the doctor kept putting his hand inside me, trying to dislodge them.” 

Tara says she lay there, splayed and bleeding from her ravaged genitals, for forty minutes while they worked on the baby. She says she was worried for her child in an abstract way, but was hurting so bad she couldn’t focus on anything other than her gaping sex. 

Tara says she passed out when a doctor pulled her leg back to stick his hand inside her, jarring her broken pelvis in the process. She woke with a pelvic fixator, 40 stitches in her genitals, and absolutely no pain medication.

[yourheart-inmyhands]

Just had a thought a continue of my archon ask

How about there reaction to reader accidentally killing there attacker

-🌮annon

You can ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable

i didn't really go into detail about the whole murder part, more so the aftermath so no worries :D i hope you enjoy

Warning: this post contains yandere-themes, including mentions of murder, delusional behaviors, implied being held against will, psychological bullying, and other potential topics. Please read at your own risk!

Yandere!Venti would use this to his advantage, helping you dispose of the body and discard all the evidence. This is how he keeps you tied to him, by saying he’ll expose your secret to everyone with no shame. 

He didn’t care how you felt about him, now there was really no leaving him. He had helped you get rid of a body after you accidentally murdered someone, there’s no coming back after that. You can’t even blame him for it because he made sure he that he left no traces behind, but your dna was under the nails of the attacker, your fingerprints were on the murder weapon that he conveniently forgot to burn, and you were the last one seen with the deceased. If anything, the second you act out of line he’s threatening to expose you to everyone. He’d never actually do it, but he’s very good at making you think he will.

Yandere!Zhongli would simply sigh in frustration. Of course he’s more than willing to help cover up your crime, after all he doesn’t wish to see his beloved rotting away in a cell. He never lets you live it down though, using the haunting memory of it to constantly beat you down mentally.

“Don’t go acting all innocent now, you’ve already killed a man, breaking a vase should feel like nothing to you. You’re a murderer after all.” Zhongli’s smile was pleasant and gentle looking, but his tone was anything but. He stood over you as you knelt on the floor, weeping over his reaction to you breaking a prized vase of his. Of course he had expected you to accidentally break it at some point, having replaced all his original artworks with replicas, but he had still found joy in bringing up your haunting little secret every chance he got.

Yandere!Raiden would do nothing personally. She’d instruct some of her faithful servants to handle it, keeping you locked inside Tenshukaku with her for a while. She doesn’t bring it up, but you can tell with the way she looks at you, that she’s upset with you.

Another silent meal, another long hour spent awkwardly eating your food as she sat across the table from you staring you down unblinkingly. It wasn’t that she stared at you, it was something you had actually grown rather used to, but the way she stared at you. Like a mother catching their child sneaking desserts before dinner or a father catching his son playing with his tools. That look of sheer disapproval. You didn’t know how much longer you could stand it.

Yandere!Furina is conflicted. On one hand, she doesn’t want her citizens to think she favors you above justice, but on the other, she knows you’ll be deemed guilty and locked up and she simply can’t bear to be without you. So she calls for a private hearing and keeps the case under tight surveillance. Of course, the family of the victim has no idea that the whole trial is fake, has no idea that the way you cry as you're dragged out of the courtroom to an awaiting prison is all an act, one very carefully constructed by Furina and her closest confidant, Neuvillette. 

Furina feigns heartbreak as she watches you get hauled out of the courtroom. She’s decided to overrule your sentencing and punish you herself in your shared home. In the basement of the lavish manor she had a special cell prepared for you, where you would fulfill your shortened sentence. This is so that you understand the severity of your crimes without her having to give up her time with you. Furina doesn’t think you deserve to spend any time behind bars, considering it was an accident, but she’s the Archon of Justice and the family of the deceased demanded something be done.

[jakeowen]

pls talk about homeschooling (genuinely interested)

so ok here’s the thing. i was a montessori kid who went on to receive a private progressive education through college. i think progressive education is wonderful and important. my dad was a montessori teacher and i spent four years working in education access inside an under-resourced high school (including pandemic years). the reason i mention this is that i do believe that mainstream education (both public and private schools) is failing kids and ultimately society. i have a lot of sympathy for parents who want a higher-caliber education for their kids and don’t know where to get it besides at home. one of my best friends was homeschooled because his parents (both professors) couldn’t find a school they were comfortable sending him to, and he turned out very intelligent and perfectly ok, if weird. i’ve also seen other positive examples of homeschooling, including a homeschool program at a nature preserve i worked at and homeschool that incorporates the occasional class at a local high school or community college or what have you. all this to say, i don’t think all motives for homeschooling are evil and i don’t think every single child who’s been homeschooled has been mistreated or denied positive social opportunities or whatever. however, all that said, even the best, highest-quality homeschooling should not be fucking legal.

after i was done working at a school, i went on to work at an organization serving unhoused youth and also teens in dcf custody, so i’ve seen a lot of shit, way more than enough to make me firmly believe that children are a uniquely vulnerable and marginalized population who are at high risk for exploitation. and the vast vast majority of exploitation and abuse happens inside the home. frankly you only need to meet one kid whose “homeschooling” was religious indoctrination designed to teach them to submit to their father raping them every night to be ready to burn the entire practice down. children are safest when they are part of the community, when they have access to multiple and varied points of view and responsible, caring adults representing those points of view. no child should ever be wholly at the mercy of their parents or any other single entity. it is simply not safe, and even if it were, it’s not healthy for a child’s cognitive development to only be exposed to one ideology, no matter how much or how little i agree with the particular ideology. part of healthy growth and development is the ability to integrate or discern different perspectives—it’s how you develop a bullshit detector, it’s how you learn to form your own opinions, and if you don’t build that skill in youth you are more susceptible to exploitation and indoctrination as an adult.

not all homeschool parents are fundamentalists who limit the perspectives their children can be exposed to. but the practice of homeschooling allows for this. the practice of homeschooling allows for abusive parents to lock their kids in cages and starve them and get away with it because there’s nobody to notice. any practice that provides a safe cover for the worst kind of abuse and exploitation is not a practice worth keeping, even if it does have the potential to work out well for a few kids.

the good news is that we actually already invented a way for children to get educated: it’s called school, and it exists free of charge in every community in the country. if you’re worried about the quality of your kids’ education, you can get involved! you can run for school board or join the pta/pto. you can also seek out or provide educational enrichment opportunities for your child that incorporate whatever you think they’re not getting at school. sunday school is a classic example of religious education supplementing school. my parents discussed current events with me, asked my opinion on things, shared theirs, and honestly answered my questions about other approaches/beliefs, and i learned a lot from that. even better than laying out enrichment opportunities for your kid, ask what THEY want to learn or feel like they’re not getting at school, and honor their autonomy by finding that for them or helping them find it. education does not begin and end at school, but it does not and cannot begin and end with parents either.

[gallus-rising]

ok i watched Skinamarink and i know ppl a lot smarter than me are talking about it and dissecting it but personally i think the movie is about how sometimes you are a small child who wakes up in the middle of the night and needs to pee

what i mean by that is sometimes you wake up and it is very late, probably the latest ever, like a special time slot was carved out just for you. you need to pee, you are completely alone, and your options are as follows

try to go back to sleep. you already know this one won’t work, as your bladder is what woke you up in the first place. maybe you will be able to go back to sleep, but then you risk peeing in your sleep. you’re not going to do that because only babies pee the bed and you are at least 7 which is Not a baby age

simply stay up all night. this one’s not gonna work either because, once again, it’s the latest it’s ever been. who knows how long you’ll be sitting there in your dark room, under your increasingly hot sheets. this means you’re forced to take action and go with the final option which is

get out of bed and walk to the bathroom down the hall

your room is dark and quiet, the hall will be dark and quiet, and the bathroom will be even darker are quieter, so you must muster up the courage and maybe bring something along for protection

the hallway is perhaps a little brighter than your room actually. there’s a nightlight plugged in just in case anyone needs to pee in the middle of the night. still, you’re completely and totally exposed out here. you take your steps slowly and carefully to avoid all the spots where the floor creaks

the bathroom is as dark as a cave, but the light switch is right there so problem solved. except not really because after you finish peeing you realize another problem, a much larger problem. you have to flush the toilet

by this point you know an infinite number of monsters, ghosts, aliens, robbers, and/or demons have their ear out for you, and that the blanket or doll or WWE wrestler action figure you brought along for protection isn’t gonna cut it

you decide to leave the toilet un-flushed. you’ll just have to go to the bathroom first thing in the morning and flush it then before anyone notices. if that falls you can always blame a sibling, maybe one of the pets

so you wash your hands, careful not to look in the mirror, lest you see someone standing behind you, then hold your breath and turn off the light

and as your eyes readjust to the darkness, as you steady yourself to make the quiet sprint back to your bed, you notice something

the hallway nightlight is off

[allfortzu]

can we get closer? (let's get closer)

-- jihyo / tzuyu. 4.4k, smut ; tattoos // MEN DNI.

jihyo promises she doesn't bite – unless tzuyu asks.

tzuyu tries not to look. 

she tries not to get distracted by edges of faded black beneath sleeves, tries not to attempt glimpses of carefully lined maroon under cut hems. 

tries not to think about where the ink leads, and whatever else. 

but when she tries not to, her mind wanders terribly far. 

and when jihyo lifts her arms just so, cropped tee hiking up to reveal a taste of everything she hasn’t seen – tzuyu can only tilt her head subconsciously, curiosity piqued. can only start to wonder where the black ends again, where the red starts. wonder how it looks as a whole. 

unfortunately for her, jihyo is perceptive – and bold. 

she picks up on tzuyu's less-than-conspicuous glances, an amused smile playing at her lips. her head angles sideways playfully, imitating tzuyu. “checking me out?”

tzuyu jolts back at jihyo’s attention, the remark feeling simultaneously pointed but cocky all the same. moments like these, she wishes chaeyoung hadn't left them alone without a buffer. there’s a certain awkwardness that’s compounded when two people only start making the move to become closer friends after having known each other for months. 

nonetheless, tzuyu straightens her head swiftly, denying without a second thought. “what? no.” 

jihyo’s smile widens into a grin.

"just kidding," she reassures warmly. “but you’re a horrible liar, you know?” 

“i– “ tzuyu stammers, gaping a little at jihyo’s jab. the instinctual need to defend herself surfaces, and she huffs. “i wasn’t checking you out, just curious.” – which, in hindsight, doesn’t seem much better than owning it, but the words come out of her mouth before she can think about it. 

jihyo laughs at that, a soft giggle that comes out in broken waves.

“sorry, sorry,” she apologises, but it’s said the same way someone consoling a child would, so tzuyu’s features remain resolutely stoic in protest.

still, jihyo hefts herself up from the ground and joins her on the couch, as if she hadn't just made fun of tzuyu, and the leather sinks gently beneath her as it compresses. she plops down with a casualness that feels oddly familiar, and some of tzuyu's prior defensiveness simmers away. 

“curious about what?” jihyo asks, bumping her shoulder against tzuyu’s. 

tzuyu mulls over the question for a second, weighs in the risk of stepping out of her comfort zone to admit it. she could shut this down if she wanted to, could shift away from jihyo, and she knows jihyo would stop pushing if she did. 

she chances a glance, hesitant.

jihyo’s expression is bright, eager anticipation palpable.

“hm?” she hums, catching tzuyu’s eyes, encouraging. 

tzuyu decides she’s worth it, if only for that pretty smile and the friendship between them they high time tried to pursue. 

“i was looking at your tattoos?” she concedes, but it comes out as a question – not too imposing or assumptious, in case it’s not what jihyo expects. 

jihyo doesn’t seem to mind at all. 

“oh!” she beams, looking down at her exposed abdomen like she hadn’t noticed it was exposed.

“you could’ve just asked if you wanted to see, tzuyu,” she laughs. “i don’t bite.”

“well, i’m not versed in tattoo etiquette, okay?” tzuyu pouts.

the tension in her shoulders falls, dissipating into a comforting friendliness brought about by jihyo’s tongue-in-cheek jibes that she can’t help responding in kind.

“and you definitely look like you bite.” 

“i do not,” jihyo gasps, feigning offence. though, as if she wants to tease as much as be teased, she tacks on at the end, “unless you want me to.” 

tzuyu rolls her eyes, the intimidation she’d felt from jihyo before now long chipped away. “don’t even try.” 

“ouch, i thought that was pretty smooth?” jihyo juts her bottom lip out. 

“i was asking about your tattoos, not your… kinks.” tzuyu scowls in exasperation, narrowing her eyes for show.

“chivalry is so dead,” jihyo huffs. she crosses her arms ludicrously, head tucked into her chest. “you don’t even care about my interests anymore.” 

the dramatique of it all makes tzuyu choke back a laugh. the ease in which jihyo so comfortably picks apart tzuyu's stoic, deadpan demeanour is somehow exactly the type of ease tzuyu likes – effortless. 

“i care about your tattoos,” tzuyu offers, but it's really just to rub it in. 

“ever the heartbreaker, tzuyu,” jihyo sighs, and it rolls off her tongue naturally, like this isn't the first time they've been alone together this long, like this isn't the first time they've bantered. 

like jihyo's known tzuyu forever. and she has, in some ways, but never without someone else between them, never like this until now. 

“are you planning to get one?” she asks. 

she reaches out to take one of tzuyu’s hand in hers, careful but curious, looking over tzuyu’s uninked skin. 

tzuyu is more distracted by something else. 

she’s zeroed in on the red peeking from under the sleeve that has ridden up jihyo’s arm. 

“you have really good skin,” jihyo comments, fills the silence as tzuyu thinks of an answer. 

tzuyu has never been particularly interested in getting tattoos, nor has she ever had much inclination to. if anything, the pain that comes with leaves little to be desired, or maybe the idea of permanency scares her – too much of a commitment, one way or the other – but she’s certainly interested in jihyo’s, who seemingly notices she’s drifted off. she nudges tzuyu's jaw lightly with a finger. tilts her chin upwards.

tzuyu's eyes snap back. "sorry." 

jihyo smiles reassuringly. she changes the topic; it’s okay if tzuyu doesn’t know. “wanna see my tattoos?” 

“really?” tzuyu perks up. this was the main reason she was so intrigued after all. “i don’t want to impose.” 

“why else did i get a tattoo if not to show it off, right?” jihyo says, and she tugs on tzuyu’s hand gently, knowing tzuyu would need urging. 

tzuyu leans in with the motion, and jihyo lifts the hem of her shirt just slightly enough to show what tzuyu wants to see.

it’s all wisps of red and black winding below the underside of jihyo’s chest, brushstroke licks of flame that tzuyu wonders how she could ever miss. elegant in their form, but the subtle crimson bring out the natural warmth of jihyo's skin; a conscious choice, of course, in the palette itself. 

tzuyu thinks they fit jihyo perfectly. 

“i have these here, and then my back,” jihyo explains, eager to share. 

she pulls her shirt off her shoulders, and it would make sense if tzuyu had thought about it more, but right now she doesn't expect it.

she jolts back in surprise, heart in her throat. 

“oh, you– “ you don’t have to, is what she means to say.

she scrambles to stop jihyo, but the moment jihyo turns around, and tzuyu sees the ink on her back, she forgets. 

it’s breathtaking. 

it's red and blacks again, cohesive, flowing down the dip of jihyo’s spine, spreading over her shoulder blades like mist. they fade off in the edges, gentle strokes harshened by deep maroon, covering the expanse from the base of her neck to her rib cage. 

“oh,” tzuyu whispers, voice softer, like jihyo’s delicate tattoos simply warranted something quieter, or perhaps it's just plain awe. 

tzuyu reaches out to touch; a curious moth to a flame, almost without thought. traces her fingers over the lines. 

she doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t think anything can encapsulate her feelings, but she tries.

“it’s beautiful," she says, even if the words fall short of everything it really is; tzuyu hopes jihyo knows. 

"isn't it?" jihyo chuckles, a disbelieved sound, as if experiencing the novelty of her tattoo all over again. 

goosebumps rise in the wake of tzuyu's touch, but her chest swells with pride and something close to adoration for the girl so innocently intrigued. maybe she should show off more. 

"give me your hand, tzu." 

tzuyu doesn't know what she's planning, but she listens anyway. 

her gaze follows as jihyo grabs a pen before settling back in front of her. she takes the hand tzuyu had so obediently given, clicks the pen once, and tzuyu shivers at the cold ink head gliding over her skin. 

she tries to see what jihyo's drawing, but it's hard to tell when she's on the other side. jihyo's strokes are gentle, purposeful, she knows exactly what she wants on tzuyu. 

tzuyu can feel it when jihyo writes her own name – 

J I H Y O. 

jihyo hovers over it for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to add something else. 

it's oddly intimate, tzuyu thinks, watching jihyo work on her.

it's oddly intimate being so close, jihyo's tongue between her teeth, topless, and tzuyu feels her stomach curl. 

jihyo decides she's finished then.

she lets go of tzuyu's hand, prompting tzuyu to look with an upward nod. 

tzuyu retracts her hand, turns the back of her palm towards herself. 

it's a smaller version of jihyo's tattoos, altered in some parts to flow with the veins on tzuyu's hand, over the rise of her knuckles.

personalised. 

and then there's jihyo's name, a mark under her own work, and tzuyu doesn't know why she starts getting giddy.

"how is it?" jihyo asks. 

tzuyu muses over the temporary tattoo jihyo's given her.

"i like it," she decides, smiling. "did you design yours too?" 

"yeah," jihyo takes tzuyu's hand once again and holds it by her ribcage for a side-by-side comparison. she grins at the similarity. "now we're matching." 

tzuyu can't help but grin along, the fact of matching with someone itself is sweet. "i don't know why we weren't friendlier sooner."

"i think you were afraid of me biting?" jihyo teases.

she brings tzuyu's hand close to her mouth in turn, a threat tzuyu hopes isn't as empty as it seems. maybe she's a little curious now. 

"don't you dare," tzuyu narrows her eyes still, challenging. 

"and if i do?" jihyo opens her mouth wider, teeth peeking.

she makes a show of biting down just before she touches skin, then laughs when she feels tzuyu tensing up.

"don't worry, i'll only bite if you ask." 

tzuyu rolls her eyes, slightly infuriated. "be honest, you wouldn't do it even if i asked. scaredy cat." 

jihyo gasps. "i so would." 

tzuyu leans in, and she doesn't know what it is that comes over her, but she does know riling jihyo up is fun if only to see her reactions. 

she pushes her hand against jihyo's cheek, taunting. "you wouldn't dare." 

jihyo purses her lips, and tzuyu can see the cogs turning in her head for a comeback, only to find none. 

she's about to console jihyo, more to rub in her assumed victory than anything, but then jihyo’s grip around her hand tightens. 

and jihyo tugs hard. 

tzuyu falls forward with a yelp. all the air leaves her lungs.

she holds herself up on the cushion behind jihyo in a panic, avoids pressing against jihyo completely. her breath is still, frozen. 

“i’d dare, but would you?” jihyo says, voice low, breath hot. her boldness back. 

tzuyu is suddenly acutely aware of jihyo’s warmth, of jihyo’s proximity.

she tries not to stare into jihyo’s eyes. 

this isn’t… this isn’t what she meant. was it?

“i… “ she murmurs, but her mind is blank. 

“tell me to bite you,” jihyo teases, but there's something else in the edge of her words that isn't just playfulness. there's something else in the way her gaze falls on tzuyu's lips, fleeting but unavoidable. 

tzuyu exhales shakily. it's hard to think when jihyo's so close.

what does it mean now, then, if jihyo's asked. what does she mean by that. what does tzuyu want now. 

it's hard to think– it's hard to think when jihyo's half naked under her, but she knows she wants something that involves jihyo. 

"okay," tzuyu whispers, and if not for their stillness, she barely would've heard herself say it. 

jihyo lets the answer simmer in silence for a bit. 

for too long, in tzuyu's mind. 

she has a chance to second guess, one chance too many. it's not a good feeling and she doesn't want to feel it anymore. it's even harder when jihyo can see her so closely now – 

but then suddenly she doesn't have to, because suddenly jihyo lunges forward, and suddenly jihyo's kissing her –

she's kissing jihyo. 

and it's good. 

it's a good feeling. it suffocates her and makes her breathe again and jihyo's lips are soft and harsh and messy but knowing and good. 

and she bites on tzuyu's lips like she said she would, teeth actually on skin this time, knocking against tzuyu's own. it's hurried like she'd been thinking about it all day, thinking about biting tzuyu's lips even though she'd denied it in the first place, but she likes it now so she keeps biting until iron skates over tzuyu's tongue, until there's a hint of pain where jihyo's teeth press in. 

"unnie," tzuyu mutters, breathless, because it's unfamiliar and she doesn't know if she should like it. 

jihyo hears her, and she pulls back. "tell me when to stop," she says. it's as much for tzuyu as it is for her, but isn't this how it always goes; flame burning moth the moment they touch. 

tzuyu nods and then jihyo is back on her again, just as quickly. she pushes into tzuyu, heightens herself with an arm sinking into the cushion, deepening the kiss. 

she tugs and pulls and she can't get enough already; she's had a small taste of tzuyu and she's a little insatiable, maybe. 

the couch is terribly uncomfortable and too small for what jihyo wants to do, frustratingly so. tzuyu's knee press up her core in a mess of tangled limbs, and it's not that she doesn't like it, but jihyo's not quite done with tzuyu yet to get herself off, so in a bout of adrenaline, she picks tzuyu up with her arms under tzuyu's thighs. tzuyu shrieks in a panic, her haze breaking momentarily. 

it's awkward because tzuyu's much taller than jihyo, so she resorts to wrapping her arms tightly around jihyo's neck for some security. 

the edges of jihyo's shoulders jut out as she flexes, and tzuyu realises jihyo has two more tattoos on her clavicle, all the more defined now. it certainly does wonders to distract her. 

then, jihyo finally sets her down, settling on the dining room table. tzuyu would argue this is less comfortable than the couch, all hard wood and no cushion, but then jihyo slots herself between tzuyu's legs, lips finding her neck, and suddenly she no longer minds. 

jihyo noses the underside of her jaw, coaxing her to tilt her head upward so more kisses can be peppered there, and tzuyu feels teeth again. she suspects jihyo has a penchant for biting, and true to her thinking, jihyo nibbles at her skin, sucking lightly right after. 

all tzuyu can do – wants to do – is squirm and expose her neck even more, the buzz that flows down after addicting. 

jihyo pulls back just as the pain numbs, and tzuyu catches her licking her lips, eyeing the reddening mark on tzuyu's neck. 

jihyo definitely has a penchant for biting. 

"so you do bite," tzuyu muses. 

jihyo smirks, the jab not as incriminating now that she's gotten what she wanted. she laces her fingers with tzuyu's, tucking herself between tzuyu's legs while she pulls tzuyu's body close. "when i want to."

she tugs on tzuyu's arms until they're on her waist, holding them there. "you can touch, you know?" 

i don't bite, tzuyu can almost hear jihyo saying at the end, but the point has gotten through enough and she's much too distracted by something else to follow up. 

jihyo's bare skin is warm to the touch, nerve wracking; tzuyu heeds her advice, holding her breath as she carefully slides her hands upwards to jihyo's ribs, halting where her tattoos start.

"i really like your tattoos," she whispers. 

"mhm," jihyo smiles, proud of tzuyu's initiation. "i like you," she says, before her lips are on tzuyu's again and tzuyu can't even reply because all she's doing now is choking her whimpers back.

jihyo kisses down to the base of her neck this time, right at the edge of tzuyu's collarbone. she does the same thing over – sucking, biting, licking – painful, but less so now that tzuyu has experienced it, and there's such a pleasant electricity that follows, making her stomach curl deliciously. she thinks she might just start developing a liking to these marks, hands trailing up jihyo's back, mewling softly when jihyo's tongue runs over a particularly sensitive spot. 

"unnie," tzuyu breathes out, the only word she can muster among infinite pleas she has for jihyo. 

jihyo responds with a hmm, a low hum that seeps into tzuyu's veins and runs down her spine from where jihyo is, and it's not until tzuyu's shoulders tense that jihyo lets go. 

the edge of jihyo's lips tug up slyly. "something you want?" 

"you know," tzuyu says. she knows jihyo knows. 

and jihyo does know, but – "ask, baby" because who is she if not a commitment to her stunt– "you just need to tell me." 

tzuyu frowns, and she tries to minimise her pouting as best she can. she stares jihyo down, hoping jihyo would simply give in, but jihyo is hard headed, and tzuyu really has little choice. 

tzuyu bites her lip, mumbling out reluctantly, "touch..." 

jihyo's smug look is infuriating. "where?" 

"you–," tzuyu purses her lips.

inhales, exhales.

"down there." 

"and?" 

oh, what tzuyu would do to wipe that stupid smirk off jihyo's face. 

she grabs jihyo's arm, pulls her in harshly, and jihyo lets out a cut off yelp. tzuyu ignores it, intent on pressing jihyo's fingers into the button of her jeans.

"and fuck me." 

some bravado drains from jihyo's face. she loses her words for a moment, doesn't even dare gulp down the drool accumulating in her mouth. 

she makes quick work of tzuyu's jeans immediately, muttering a "yes ma'am" in between because jesus fuck. 

she fumbles to push the article open, then decides she'll take with exactly what she has right now, dipping her fingers in with a sudden fervour to just give tzuyu everything she wants. 

tzuyu grips jihyo's shoulders, nails digging deeper into jihyo's back when jihyo rubs over her centre, the slick sound stark in the quiet of their heavy breathing. 

"you're so– wet," jihyo grunts, tzuyu's jeans making it hard to manoeuvre, but she's far from complaining. "all over my fingers, tzu– god."

tzuyu makes a soft, high pitched sound, head hung and legs curled around jihyo from the instinctual need to close them. 

"i'll take care of you," jihyo coos, her other hand slipping under tzuyu's shirt, thumb stroking her waist. "don't worry." 

she continues running her fingers between tzuyu's folds through the fabric just to work her up more, and tzuyu jolts slightly, cries caught in her throat. 

"you're really fucking cute, tzuyu." 

she nuzzles into tzuyu's neck, the cute aggression kicking in, and she can't help but want to leave another mark. 

her teeth prob gently, finding a spot she hasn't marked before biting down again. it elicits a familiar whine from tzuyu's throat, a broken and staggered sound, choked up in a cry that heightens when jihyo's fingers dip under. she sinks two fingers into tzuyu's heat, thumb on her clit, and tzuyu fucking drips. 

"jihyo unnie," she moans, for no other reason than the want to say jihyo's name. 

her nails rake over jihyo's back, harder than she means to, but with jihyo's fingers pressing against her tight walls, pulling out and back in slowly; with jihyo's thumb following the motion over her sensitive nub, attentive snd meticulous and maddening; with jihyo letting go of her neck after leaving another mark, murmuring sweet nothings she's too dazed to hear – 

she wants jihyo to feel it the same way she feels it, wants to leave her mark on jihyo too, even if it's temporary, she wants the feeling to be as permanent as jihyo's tattoos.

and if jihyo does feel it, the only tells tzuyu catches are the faster, harsher thrusts, and the hand clutching her waist, pushing through with gritted teeth. 

"fuck, tzuyu," jihyo hisses, bottom lip between her teeth. her wrist aches from the angle but the warmth around her fingers feels too good to let up. "that's– fuck, you're so tight."

tzuyu digs her nails even deeper, the pleasure unbearable without an outlet. "please, harder," she sobs, thighs clasping around jihyo's hips, stomach taut. "gonna come." 

jihyo listens– anything tzuyu asks for.

she buries her fingers deeper, fucking into tzuyu so roughly the table starts shaking, and the lewd squelch that follows every pump is downright sinful. a few tight circles over her clit has tzuyu whimpering, the loudest one yet, and jihyo thinks it might be her favourite sound in the world– before it breaks into a cry, tzuyu whining, "jihyonnie–!" 

– and now that's her favourite sound in the world. 

"come for me," jihyo coaxes, voice liquid in tzuyu's ears.

tzuyu barely needs probing, spilling into jihyo's fingers almost immediately, cum pooling over her jeans and the table in a filthy mess of slick.  she claws at jihyo's back as jihyo fucks her through her orgasm, making her stutter and tremble wildly. there's a steady hand on her waist, jihyo wanting to drag her high out. 

"good girl," jihyo dotes, tzuyu's release pleasantly warm in her hands. "taking me so well." 

tzuyu keens at the praise, senses attuned to nothing but the rasp of jihyo's voice and all the words coming out her mouth. soon enough, she's spent to the point of barely being able to clutch onto jihyo's shoulders, sweaty and heaving. jihyo slows her pace when tzuyu's shaking calms, guiding her down. 

"s– stop," tzuyu mumbles, pushing at jihyo weakly. 

in turn, jihyo pulls her fingers out slowly, finally letting tzuyu catch her breath. 

though, watching jihyo lick her fingers off tzuyu's slick arouses tzuyu all over again, and she bites her lip, a quiet request.

jihyo doesn't miss the pleading look in her eyes. 

"open your mouth," she says, her other hand on tzuyu’s jaw. 

tzuyu obeys, parting her lips slightly, and jihyo pushes her cum-coated fingers into her mouth. she moans when jihyo presses down on her tongue, insistent, and tzuyu can hear jihyo’s breathing stutter when she starts sucking, running her tongue between jihyo’s fingers. 

jihyo drags her fingers out, wet with spit, and tzuyu almost mewls at the loss– but then jihyo tugs her in by the chin and kisses her hard, and all her sounds soften into a pleased hum. jihyo doesn’t bite this time, simply enjoys the kiss as it is. 

tzuyu feels bad for having to cut it short. 

“i need to pee,” she whispers sheepishly. 

jihyo is stunned for a moment, and then quickly endeared. 

she doesn't put up a fight, barely teases tzuyu for it like tzuyu would expect.

she gives tzuyu another peck, surprisingly sweet, a chuckle playing at the edges. “go.” 

tzuyu’s knees are still wobbly, but she hurries anyway, trudging to the bathroom quickly.

yet, all she does after she shuts the bathroom door is just stand there, staring into the white tiles. suddenly allowed to actually think about it all.

she lets it simmer for a bit, etches the memory of jihyo’s tattoos in her mind– red, black, flowy. curving into her sides and inching down her clavicle. her back, the dip of her spine, over her shoulder blades, a growing flame.

gentle fingers on her jaw that tzuyu can feel even now; urging, coaxing. the hand on her waist, in her, careful and slow but good. even though they'd never talked this much before, somehow jihyo knew what she liked.

tzuyu catches sight of herself in the mirror. 

there’s a trail of red scattered down her neck, her collarbone; marks of tattoos in itself. 

jihyo’s marks. 

tzuyu buries her face in her hands, cheeks hot. tries not to look.

–

by the time tzuyu returns, the table has been cleaned, moved back to its original position. tzuyu pretends her stomach doesn’t flutter at the thought. 

jihyo is in the living room, back towards her, fresh red lines running through her tattoos.

tzuyu did that.

tzuyu winces. “sorry about the… scratches.”

jihyo turns at the sound of her voice. 

“oh,” she chuckles, waving tzuyu’s worries away. 

she makes her way to tzuyu, tilting her face this way and there, looking at the marks she’d left. “it’s okay. i’ll get you back next time, hm?”

tzuyu’s face flushes, jihyo’s touch burning quickly. “next time?” 

“mhm,” jihyo confirms, tucking her fingers into the belt loops of tzuyu’s jeans. “or now, if you want.” 

she noses at tzuyu’s jaw again, as she did countless times before, wanting another mark of hers on tzuyu’s skin. it's like they've always been here, like they've always been kissing each other and all of this.

maybe she does like biting; maybe when it comes to tzuyu. 

 

“just ask.”

tzuyu thinks she might like it too; maybe when it comes to jihyo.

yeah idk why this is 4k and idk whats going on in this either <3 i rewrote this like 3 times and all of them have wildly different beginnings and endings! one of them even ends with jihyo just going home after giving tzuyu absolutely nothing bc i love slowburn <3 but i thought we deserved some smut after waiting this long so!! now you get to have some of the most mid smut ever happy jihyo debut!!!

thank you so much for reading!! interactions are always appreciated, genuinely <3

MEN DNI.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

Hi there! New follower here, and can I just say I LOVE how you write König? Like seriously, thank you SOOOOO much for not writing him like a soulless monster or something like I normally see when I look in the tags (I kid you not, I saw someone ask for a r@pist König fanfic not too long ago and it put me off him for a short while). Sure you write him crazy but you don't go that far. Thank you for that.

That being said, how would your interpretation of König handle a reader who has a history like that? Like maybe they were abused in that way as a child or a teen? They're in therapy of course and handle the trauma as best they can but they have that sort of fear of intimacy still, if that makes sense? Maybe they're still battling guilt/self blame, and feel like he could do better with someone who isn't "damaged goods" or something?

Sorry if it's bothersome but I'm very curious! Thank you, and I really hope you have a wonderful day! 💙🌹

Hey dear anon, welcome and thank you so much! 🩷💕

I can understand wanting to read dubcon and noncon at times, it’s all good and hey, to each their own! I can also understand the need to steer clear from these kind of fics (please, always take care of yourself and don’t expose yourself to content you don't vibe with 🩷) and I’m so glad to hear you like the way I write for König. I definitely love monsters with souls! Perhaps it tells something that everytime I *really try* to write a dark fic, I usually get comments like “weee so fluffy and cute!” :D Like did we win…?

As to your question on how would König handle reader with background of abuse:

König is not the most nurturing, tactful man but upon hearing about your past, he’d get super caring and tender. He has this fantasy of being a saving/conquering hero so, yeah, you just became his damsel in distress. To him, you're both a strong survivor and a fragile victim, so you gain something of a saint status in his eyes.

And he would never ever think you’re damaged goods, no. To him, you’re the purest of angels whose soul and body has been ravaged. For this alone, he’ll go to war for you, against the whole world if need be.

Violence is his way to deal with life’s big problems, so he’d want to hunt down and kill the perpetrator if they’re still alive, no question about it. He’d be willing to commit a good old murder and risk going to prison because he couldn’t stand it that this human filth is walking around unpunished. That’s his first way of dealing with this thing: eliminate the threat, then come and comfort you.

So… If you don’t want him to do that (either because you don’t agree with him about the measure of punishment, or because you’re afraid he’ll get caught/will face a prison senctence because of it), you’d have to get super crafty with trying to conceal who this person is because König is going to find out who they are whether you want it or not. He’d have such a hard time respecting your boundaries in this because someone has to avenge you. He has contacts and he can and will use them to get to this fucker and end their life.

Homicide aside, he’ll get overprotective of you. Has to have you in his line of sight at all times to make sure you’re safe and happy and ok.

Sex might be a challenge because König has a high sex drive. He adores you and would want nothing more than to be with you – preferably inside you – 24/7. This is how he worships you, shows love & intimacy and releases both of your stress. If sex is off the table sometimes, König would try to show his love for you in other ways such as cuddling you like crazy or accompanying you to the shower etc.

Any issues with intimacy would trigger his anxiety and fear of abandonment, and he’d get even more obsessive and clingy. Not in a whiny, co-dependent way, but in a “Everything alright, Schatz?” repeated 5 times a day type of way. König would nod and look like he understands completely when you tell him that you have these issues, but then proceeds to cuddle and smother you later anyway :/

Somehow thinks it’s his dick that might be a threat so he would try and not to flail it around you unless you specifically ask for it. Respects your boundaries on not having intercourse, but the other stuff, like squishing you against his chest every now and then or trying to please you with his hands or mouth are harder to negotiate.

Because he would try his all to give you mindblowing sex. He wants go give you good experiences, and gets a high out of making you cum multiple times. To him it’s like a hot bath, a three course meal and a year in therapy combined, to watch how you come undone. He's unusually gentle with his aftercare, and drowns you in praise when he holds you close.

Perhaps it’s a bit sick, but the fact that you both have suffered in your own ways makes you his one true love, sort of like a fated companion. In his mind, you’re soulmates who’ve gone through hell. He's also vehement in his belief that only he can love you whole again, only he can treat you right.

So the question then becomes, how do you survive an adoring, obsessive giant who’s made it his life’s purpose to make you happy? ❤️

[heyiwrotesomethings]

a part 2 of Absolutely Not! thanks

Absolutely Not! Prt II

Shinobu Kochou x She/Her Demon Reader

A/N: Prt1 Really didn’t know what to do for another part so just a little catnip cop out. Hope you still enjoy it! Word Count: 1,436

Uzui couldn’t believe what buzzkills the other Hashiras were.

“Come on, it’ll be funny! Don’t you wanna see what’ll happen?”

It’s inappropriate, it’s in bad taste, that’s dumb, not worth my time, I’m an unflashy unfun loser blah blah blah. Not even Rengoku would join in, although that should not have been that surprising.

Well, Uzui would have fun on his own then. He wasn’t sure if it would work… but he was down for a little experiment. Kochou couldn’t be mad at him for a little joke if it was for science, right?

He smirked at the small potted plant in his hands. All he had to do was sneak this to the cat demon and watch the chaos unfold. How could no one else be curious if catnip would be effective on a cat demon?

Uzui silently navigated the halls, snooping around for the demon. The demonic presence she had was weak, so it was difficult to pinpoint exactly where she was. But he could feel that he was getting closer. He smiled, got ready to put on the charm, and turned the corner, running right into… Shinobu.

“Uzui-san,” she blinked, mildly surprised, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, Kochou, hey!” He kind of wanted to avoid her if he could help it, but given that she kind of had a demonic aura about her at the moment, he never stood a chance, “Do you know that you’re giving off a demonic energy? Kinda weird.”

Shinobu sighed, “No, I didn’t know that, but given how many head bumps (Y/n) insists on giving me, I am not surprised. Now why are you here? You look perfectly healthy.”

“What? Can’t a Hashira pay a fellow Hashira a visit?”

“They can, but you never visit me unless you need something. What do you have behind your back?”

“Oh, what? This?” Uzui presented the plant as if it was the most unassuming thing in the world, “My wives picked it out. Just a little thank you for when you took care of Hinatsuru when she was sick. I told ‘em I thought it was kinda unflashy but they thought the little purple flowers were cute so, here you go! Put it somewhere everyone can enjoy, yeah?” He put the pot into Shinobu’s hands.

“Uzui-san,” Shinobu twirled the potted plant in her hands, “do you think I’m an idiot?”

“Huh?”

“I know what you’re doing. This is nepetalactone, catnip.“ Shinobu was still all smiles, but an unmistakable shadow seemed to fall over her eyes. “Just what were you hoping to accomplish here?”

“H-hey— I didn’t know!” Uzui waved in hands defensively, “Like I said, my wives—“

“Your wives had already gifted me a lovely fruit basket a few days ago.”

“Well would you look at the time! I better go home, nice talking with you, Kochou!” And in a puff of smoke he was gone, leaving Shinobu alone with the catnip.

“He is much too old to be acting like such a child.” Shinobu shook her head in disbelief.

She looked back down at the plant and sighed. Now what was she going to do with this? Tea might be good, but she really didn’t want to risk exposing (Y/n) to the catnip in any form… no matter how curious she was about how she would react.

“To the woods with you then.” She decided, making her way through the mansion to the nearest door to the outside. As long as she didn’t run into (Y/n) along the way, all would be fi—

“Get out of Shinobu-sama’s house!” (Y/n) hissed as she skidded around the corner.

“Ah!” Shinobu hopped from one foot to the other as a chipmunk scurried between her legs and zoomed down the hall.

Having not seen Shinobu, (Y/n) ran into her before she could stop herself and they both fell to the ground. The pot upturned in the fall, covering them both in plant debris and soil.

“Oh no, Shinobu-sama, are you okay? I’m sorry! Someone left a door open somewhere and a chipmunk got in, but don’t worry I’ll… I’ll… oh, what is this?” She asked almost sluggishly rolling a leaf between her fingers. Shinobu snatched her wrist to make her stop.

“(Y/n), we must wash this off immediately, do you understand? Oof!”

(Y/n) face planted into Shinobu’s chest and the loudest purr Shinobu had ever heard from the demon began to rumble through her.

“(Y/n), are you okay? We should really get up.”

Slowly, (Y/n) rose her head and all Shinobu could see was a black abyss, her irises had been completely swallowed up by her pupils, something Shinobu had never seen to this severity. Sometimes when (Y/n) saw a bird through the window or she got the zoomies, her pupils would round out, but never to this extent.

“(Y/n)?” Shinobu tested again.

(Y/n) didn’t answer her, but her purring did get louder. She flopped back down and began rolling around nuzzling Shinobu every other roll across her body, further smushing the catnip as well.

Shinobu wanted to be serious, they were in the middle of the hall and covered in dirt, but she couldn’t help but chuckle as the cuddle attack persisted, (Y/n) leapt on top of her and attached to her back when she tried to get up.

Suddenly (Y/n) stiffened, alerting Shinobu to look ahead down the hall. The chipmunk was back.

“Kekekekeke!” (Y/n) clicked, bracing herself against Shinobu’s back in a hunting stance.

“Don’t you dare use me as a starting block. If you are going to act more cat than demon, then you had better shift before you cause any real damage.” Shinobu warned.

But (Y/n) wasn’t in a very rational state of mind to heed that warning. She sprung off of Shinobu’s back and chased after the chipmunk on all fours, slipping and tumbling multiple times because of the restrictiveness of her kimono.

“Oh no,” Shinobu got to her feet as well, mentally apologizing to whoever would have to clean the mess on her behalf, “(Y/n), come back! You better not eat it!”

With how hepped up she was in catnip, Shinobu was worried she’d hurt herself or someone else on accident so she couldn’t leave her alone. She ran after (Y/n) and it was thankfully not to hard to catch up to her. With her terrible coordination at the moment, she kept banging into walls and slipping on the floor. Shinobu tackled her and pinned her to the ground, trying to block the fleeing chipmunk from (Y/n)’s view. She really hoped someone else would take care of the little pest.

(Y/n) struggled and wiggled against Shinobu for a moment, but another hit of that sweet, sweet catnip had her docile as a lamb again before long and the purring started up again.

“There we go… just relax.” Shinobu lightly scratched behind (Y/n)’s ears, a known favorite spot, she smiled when (Y/n) snuggled into her hand and closed her eyes.

Then the cat demon began to shrink, but having seen the process on multiple occasions, Shinobu didn’t flinch. With an amused breath, she untangled the cat from the bundle of clothes and neatly folded said clothes before setting the cat on top of the pile and taking the whole thing in her arms.

“Let’s get you to bed so you’ll have a safe place to rest while this wears off.”

Shinobu placed (Y/n) on the bed and then got to work, placing all the contaminated clothes into the wash and putting on something fresh. She laid out a new kimono for (Y/n) as well to wear once she awoke. Then she took a moment to watch her sleep, all curled up in a ball.

Part of Shinobu really wanted to go to Uzui’s house and put laxatives in his afternoon tea, but in the other hand, a dusting of blush highlighted Shinobu’s cheeks, the over-excited cuddling had been rather sweet, pleasant even. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad to grow a little catnip in the herb garden from now on. In smaller doses she could probably get the cuddly ratio she would like best.

Of course (Y/n) was rather cuddly normally, but Shinobu had felt a little jealous since Mitsuri came to visit a few days ago. Mitsuri was a cat whisperer and that extended to cat demons as well apparently. Shinobu would have liked more reassurance that (Y/n) liked her more, but of course she was too stubborn to tell the demon as much. The next time Mitsuri came to visit, Shinobu would have a secret weapon up her sleeve to keep the cuddles to herself.

[jacevelaryonswife]

How do they behave when they are drunk? | Modern Headcanons

∴pairing: Aegon Targaryen | Aemond Targaryen | Jacaerys Velaryon

∴warnings: alcohol consumption, don’t read if you’re underage or that it’s a sensitive topic for you.

who missed the modern headcanons? cause I do!

Unfortunately, alcohol entered Aegon's life early. He knew it wasn't healthy or correct, but fuck it, he loved it when everything got slow and funny.

He obviously started tasting his friends' cheap beer, then stealing some expensive bottles of Whisky from his father without him noticing.

Obviously he had no distinction as to what to drink and accepted from the most slutty beers to a good Jack Daniels.

He also imposed no limits on himself and his only mission was to escape from sobriety — and if you think there is a lack of filters on Aegon it’s because you have never seen him drunk, the man is totally chaotic.

He speaks loudly, touches people excessively, is mortally funny and absurdly honest. Aegon is a threshold between the joy of the party and the most annoying person possible and he loves how chaotic it can be.

You will definitely love being held and guided home by your friends and having this time of attention for yourself, in addition to encouraging them to drink as much as he does.

Aegon is the guy who would bet how much you can drink against him and never expect him to lose, the son of a bitch is an alcohol consumption machine.

He is extremely sly and in need of attention when he has a hangover, almost like a child begging for a lap.

Little Jace only started to consume alcohol after entering college. He was never much of a drinker, especially for witnessing certain situations that his family members caused under the alcoholic effect.

But things were happening and when he realized he had a glass of cheap beer in his hand and it was fucking disgusting, but he didn't give up, at least once he needed to feel what it was like to get really drunk and opted for stronger options.

Oh boy, he was never so happy until that moment.

Jace is very cheerful and smiling when alcohol takes effect, literally a golden retrivier distributing hugs and nods to anyone and he LOVES the feeling of drunkenness, he gets extremely light and relaxed.

Usually he tended to control himself to not get past the point, he didn't want to cause a scene or put himself at risk, but once specifically he didn't care about it and accepted all the shots his friends gave him...

It was complete chaos and he had to come back loaded after vomiting on the floor of the bar (and locking himself in the bathroom and hugging the owner of the establishment).

He promised himself that he wouldn’t exceed the limit again, mainly because of the annoying nausea and tiredness of the next day.

He would definitely be lying on the bed or on the couch all day until his energies came back.

Being a selective person in his tastes it’s quite easy to catalog what Aemond drinks routinely, such as wine, cognac and bourbon, especially a good wine to relax and I add sparkling wines in celebrations. Beer was never an option, he hated that shit.

Still, he didn’t use to go past the point and rarely tended to get drunk, especially in public or in front of his family, just taking advantage of the threshold between sobriety and the beginning of the alcoholic effect.

However, there were moments when he gave himself to alcohol and it’s varied forms, such as tequila shots and cheaper vodkas.

But perhaps to his discouragement, Aemond was a silent and almost grumpy drunk, even more brutally sincere than in his sober state and much more carefree about swearing. In fact, he is almost a machine for swearing when he is drunk, especially if provoked.

He is also more self-confident in exposing his achievements and intelligence, a little arrogant too and considerably more seductive than usual.

In addition, Aemond is zero willing to receive help when he hears that he is too drunk to go alone somewhere — when someone suggests guiding him out of the bar he simply ignores and ends up tipping on the door and stumbling on a chair, and he mortally hates that someone holds him as an incapable.

If you find him grumpy while he's drunk, don't want to see him with a hangover, I swear, he gets impossible.

———————————————

taglists

general: @chompchompluke @fan-goddess @kravitzwhore @partypoison00

aegon: @lovelykhaleesiii @f4ll-for-you

ewanverse: @aemonds-fire @partypoison00 @schniiipsel @fan-goddess

aemond: @aemondsblog

jace: @howyouloveyourdragon

[xanadontit]

Dear Care and Feeding.

My husband and I have a delightful, inquisitive 4-year-old daughter, “Bree,” who has a nut allergy. We have been able to manage this fairly well, but the problem is my in-laws. They were careless about nuts to the point that we had to stop coming over to their place. My father-in-law keeps a bowl of peanuts or trail mix on the end table next to the couch, and never remembered to remove them before we arrived for a visit. Even worse, my mother-in-law believes Bree’s allergy is something she will outgrow over time and even thinks she can be “cured” if she is exposed to nuts in small doses, because she read about people overcoming allergies through exposure therapy on the internet. After Bree nearly ate some peanut butter M&M’s my FIL forgot to put away on our last visit to my in-laws’ place I put my foot down. I said until they were willing to take my daughter’s safety more seriously, we would not be coming over to their house. My husband grumbled that he thought I was overreacting, but went along with it. My in-laws were very chilly for a couple of weeks, but eventually agreed to the new arrangement.

I thought we had resolved the problem, but I was wrong. When my in-laws visited our home last month, I left Bree watching TV with her grandmother while I went to check the mail. I came back to find my MIL in a panic, my FIL on the phone with 911, and Bree on the floor nearly purple and gasping …

I realized she was having an allergic reaction and immediately gave her a shot with the EpiPen I carry with me at all times. Within several heart-stopping minutes Bree was breathing better. The EMTs came and took her to the hospital in an ambulance while we followed behind.

While we were waiting for the doctors to update us at the hospital, my MIL told me she had given Bree a small piece of a Snickers bar. She said she thought Bree could overcome her nut allergy if she ate a little each day. My husband had to practically hold me back. I shouted at her that she had nearly killed my daughter and as far as I was concerned, we were done with both her and my FIL. My MIL huffed that she was only trying to make it so Bree could have a normal life and stalked out of the hospital with her husband on her heels.

It’s been over a month now, and my husband has been trying to facilitate a reconciliation between us. He acknowledges that what his mother did was wrong and dangerous, but still tries to defend her by saying “that’s how she is,” and pointing out that she never intended to harm Bree. I have told him that I will never be able to trust his parents around our daughter again. His mother hasn’t even so much as apologized. He thinks I am being too harsh and am taking this too far. Please tell me I’m not.

—Am I Nuts?

Dear Nuts,

No, you are neither being too harsh nor taking this too far. You made it abundantly clear to your in-laws what the rules were regarding your daughter and her allergies. Because they read too much online baloney and like to imagine they know better than anyone else, they broke them on purpose, put her life at risk, and don’t even seem to feel that bad about it. They suck! You are right and he is wrong. I hope this makes you feel better.

But it does you no good to feel better now and still have your husband claiming you’re overreacting, even in the aftermath of your child nearly dropping dead. It does you no good to be the lone voice in the wilderness. You need him on your side.

It’s possible that he finds your daughter’s nut allergy so frightening—and it is frightening!—that he’s desperate to grasp at any straw that suggests she might “get over it.” Combine that with an unwillingness to confront his parents, and you might have a dad who’s feeling just torn enough not to know how to handle this mess. Sit down with your husband and explain exactly how you feel about what his parents did, and how you feel about how he is not supporting you—or, honestly, even protecting his own daughter. Feel free to wave a printout of this advice column to help make your case.

Maybe, down the line, you’ll decide together to reintroduce his parents into their granddaughter’s life. (I know it feels like you never will want to, but there are such wonderful rewards for a child in having a relationship with even totally objectionable grandparents.) If so, there will be conditions, and whatever those conditions are, he’d better be on board for conveying them, in no uncertain terms, to his amateur-immunologist parents—and making clear to them that there will be no divergence from those rules.

******************

I'm sorry but what the FUCK is Dan Kois' problem? The dad/husband fucking sucks which tracks because he comes from fucking sucky stock and I'm failing to understand what "wonderful rewards" await this poor child from "having a relationship with even totally objectionable grandparents" unless he means "heavenly rewards" because they seem intent on killing their granddaughter.

Can you imagine being this kid?

"Hey, Mom, why did you let Grandma and Grandpa around me? They were constantly feeding me peanuts and I ended up in the hospital every Christmas."

"Oh, a complete moron advice columnist said it would be good for you. Somehow. Hey, you were great at calling 911 and not all kids can say that!"

ETA: And what's with all the sympathizing with the dad because he's just so sad his kid has an allergy and doesn't know what to do?! You don't let the kid eat peanuts/peanut products and you keep the kid away from people who purposely do that. He doesn't need to get an MD and cure food allergies for all of mankind. Christ.

Would love to hear @sequinedably's thoughts on this one.

[angstyandromanticwriting]

Molly O’Shea X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute and Fluffy Imagine Prompt

• WIP!

• Based around events of Red Dead Redemption 2 game (Starting officially in Colter, Grizzly Mountains, but this might change - introduction is in Blackwater)

• There will be more!

!TW: Implied suffering from depression + Separation Anxiety + Anxiety, having to endure/hide from homophobia, jealousy, involuntary drug use, implied sexual occurrences, swearing, smoking, violence, self put-down(s) + elements of self doubt, mention of previously being kidnapped + abused, mention of child abandonment, weaponry, animal attack, injury detail, blood, implied suffering from PTSD, Hunting/Animal death + skinning, suicidal consideration(s)+ intent(ions) + attempt(s), presence of alcohol + implied substance abuse - if I’ve missed any, let me know ❤️!

You and Molly O’Shea had always been best friends - even verging on being something more sometimes, but eventually the time came when she’d visited you at Old Trail Rise near Lemoyne to tell you that she’d officially got together with a man named Dutch Van Der Linde, leaving you feeling unexpectedly as well as excruciatingly empty inside; you never thought that you’d lose her to someone else, though she’d suggested that maybe it would be better that either you or her, or the both of you find male partners to avoid suspicion regarding your and her sexuality - it wasn’t widely acceptable, and often punishable by death, to be attracted to the same sex, and she wanted to protect you from being hung, somehow, to the best of her ability, no matter what that might mean for you both, but she was determined to not let this new development stop you both from seeing one another in secret.

As soon as she’d suggested you join the gang with her help, you couldn’t say no, though it was painful to think about how you’d be having to see her and Dutch together, and you didn’t like being reminded of how you wouldn’t be able to spend as much time together, after you’d been able to before she’d met him, the leader of the gang. It seemed to be going okay, at first; nobody suspected you, and that remained to be the case now, but sometimes seeing her and Dutch together proved to be enough to be excruciating for you to the point that you couldn’t help, but allow your jealousy to take over, resulting in a fight taking place between you and her regarding the situation. However, it wasn’t often long after that fight before you began to break down following your and her brief avoidance of one another, crying within your tent whilst she cradled you close to her after secretly drugging Dutch to make him sleep more deeply, allowing her to tend to you without risk of him catching you both somehow. As you were terrified of losing her, you often showered her with apologies and shaky sweet nothings whilst you buried your face into her right shoulder, and silently begged her for forgiveness that she had already given you several times over before you even had to ask her, and try to prove yourself to her again as you wanted her to feel how special she was, and wanted her to know that you valued everything about her, and knew you always would, no matter what the future might hold for you both.

“I - I know you’re doing it to protect us,” you reassured her in a shaky voice close to a whisper, and Molly would nod slowly whilst she stroked your hair using her right hand, a pained expression on her face whilst she began to regret getting with Dutch the way she had, but she tried to tell herself that she was doing the right thing for the both of you, knowing that as long as she was with him, nobody would ever suspect you both, therefore deeming you safe from the possibility of having a noose around your neck as a result of having your sexualities exposed. “A-And I know I should never have reacted like that, I-.. I’m so sorry, Mol, I really am, I-”

“No, Y/n,” she interjected gently, before affectionately connecting her forehead to your’s, silencing you whilst you subconsciously admired her, and couldn’t help, but smile softly whilst your eyes locked with her stunning icy blue ones in the best way possible, “don’t apologise; I know this is hard - t-that it’s hard for you to see me and Dutch together, but - you know I love you, don’t ya? And that will never change, I promise; it will always only ever be you for me, no matter what, just promise me you’ll never forget that, will ya?”

You would pretend to think about it for a moment, prompting her to pout a little, and you to grin, before you giggled quietly, and would lean forward to delicately connect your lips to her own, prompting her and your heart to skip a beat whilst they raced together blissfully.

“I’ll never forget that you love me, I promise; how could I ever forget anything that the beautiful Molly O’Shea tells me?” You replied, prompting her to appear flustered for a moment whilst blood rushed up to her cheeks, but she would try and hide it by smirking over at you, and silently thanking how dark it currently was within the tent she’d had set up for you.

“Oh stop it, you,” she responded exasperatedly, before leaning in to initiate a slightly deeper kiss whilst you both would cling to one another again, and whilst she had control she would manage to trap you beneath her - it was time for your and her next round of the ‘try to be quiet’ game, and you both loved it.

🜸🜚🜸

The next time you both met up secretly together was up in the Grizzly Mountains in Colter after you and the gang had had to flee from Blackwater following the failed robbery that had taken place there due to Dutch’s developing ability of putting together poor plans that seemed to get you and the others nowhere good for very long. As you still weren’t exactly used to being around the others, you agreed to sleep in the stable with your and the others’ horses, Murphy - your Friesian - constantly whinnying you a greeting whenever you entered through the double doors, often anxiously awaiting Molly O’Shea though she’d agreed to meet you during the early hours of the morning, or slightly before depending on whether Dutch was still out searching for food, John, and Micah with Arthur.

“Do - Do you really think she’s gonna turn up, Mur?” You mused quietly whilst you gently pat your companion’s neck whilst she snorted, and flicked her mane impatiently; she, too, seemed to grow a little agitated sometimes when Molly wasn’t around as you both often used to be together a lot more before she’d joined the gang, and partnered up with Dutch. “Sometimes I just get scared that maybe she’s bored of me,” you admitted dejectedly, as well as a little guiltily as you felt bad for thinking such things after all she’d promised you in the past regarding her feelings for you, “I - I mean-.. what if-.. shit.” You then lifted your right hand up to quickly wipe your eyes as small tears had managed to invade them, before you giggled feebly, evidently embarrassed at yourself for being so weak whenever you were thinking, or talking about Molly. “I ain’t sure why I’m crying, I just-..” You murmured, whilst Murphy innocently nibbled at the material of your waistcoat. “Sometimes I think she deserves better than me, I guess,” you concluded, “a-anyway - I shouldn’t be wasting your time with my problems, should I? Sorry, girl - how are you, today?” Murphy then whinnied, and nuzzled at your nose, prompting you to start giggling again whilst you wrapped your arms around her neck, and affectionately connected your forehead to her snout. “I’m glad,” you replied, “I don’t know what I’d do without you, you know that, right?” Murphy then snorted, prompting you to grin sheepishly in response to her action, before you sighed heavily, and begrudgingly let go of her to lean against her stall door, and take out a golden pocket watch you’d recently managed to steal from some random guy who’d threatened Molly on your and her way to the gang’s camp when it was back in Blackwater, after you’d agreed to join it to maintain your and her relationship somehow without being caught by the others. Of course you’d offered for her to have it, but she insisted that you keep it as you’d done the honours of saving her life, and you didn’t want to upset her like you knew you would if you turned it down, and recalled - with a soft smile playing on your lips - how you’d gently kissed her on her lips, left cheek, and even her nose to give her something back, as well as to make her giggle as you loved to hear her laughing; seeing her happy made you happier than you’d ever been before, as you’d always only ever wanted to do all you could to make her happy, and to show her that you valued her more than anything you ever had before you’d first met, and fallen deeply as well as helplessly in love with her.

“I guess there’s still time, right-?” You inquired, as if Murphy could answer you, before you winced, and would shrug, before slipping the pocket watch back into the compartment you’d drawn it out from, and would smile over at her, whilst trying to think of things you could do to distract yourself as well as your impatient friend who was now stamping her front right hoof, and snorting at you whenever you looked over at her; you loved her occasional random changes of demeanour, and couldn’t fathom how you’d got so lucky as to find her the day you had, before you’d stolen her from Emerald Ranch as you’d always struggled with acquiring much money for anything, or any horses currently on offer to you, and naturally you’d never been good with taming wild horses, either, never finding the right one you could feel an immediate connection to, until you’d found and stolen Murphy. “I might go and have a smoke outside for a bit, s-see if she turns up,” you decided, and Murphy would flutter her lips again, before you briefly scratched at her right ear gently, and would open the stable door to go outside, and take out your pack of Premium Cigarettes whilst snow continued to pour around you, settling upon the shoulders of your coat, as well as on each of the surfaces of your hat that it could land on, and stick to successfully.

Whilst you were distracted trying to light the cigarette with matches that seemed to keep failing you due to the strong wind, Molly was timidly walking up to you, wondering why her heart was beating so fast and overwhelmingly after her gaze had blissfully fallen upon you adorably failing to light the cigarette you were currently holding in your right hand, prompting her to grin whilst she tried to fight back a laugh, evidently finding what you were doing to be amusing, and you couldn’t blame her; you knew this probably looked funny, whilst you found it frustrating that the wind was strong enough to stop you from being able to light several matchsticks; you’d have to buy some more soon, once the gang moved somewhere closer to a town consisting of a general store.

“D’you need some help with that, Miss L/n?” She offered, and you would falter upon hearing her voice, even almost dropping your cigarette only to have her manage to catch it for you, before she gently placed it within the palm of your right hand, and would affectionately hold it in her own left one whilst she smiled lovingly over at you, prompting your heart to skip a beat, before it began to race overwhelmingly alongside her’s whilst you stammered a little barely audibly, finding you couldn’t even think whilst you admired her, and revelled in being so close to her again. “Here,” she took out another of your matchsticks, before shielding the wind with her right hand to light it, but you found you no longer wanted the cigarette now that she was here with you again.

“Screw the cigarette,” you mustered, your voice briefly trembling, and Molly would smirk over at you, before dropping the matchstick, and stamping it out though it was already being extinguished by the snow, but she knew that - by doing it anyway - she would have more of an effect on you, and she was right, “y-you’re one hell of a woman, Miss O’Shea.” You then carefully, as well as hastily, guided her into the stable, knowing that it was too risky for you to kiss her outside where you both could easily be caught by one of the other gang members, unable to fight back your feelings for her anymore.

🜚

“I - I was scared that maybe - maybe you wouldn’t come; that Dutch and Arthur had got back already, o-or - or you just - I don’t know,” you admitted timidly, your voice close to a whisper whilst you were both cuddled up together again, the blanket you were using covering, and shielding your and her naked bodies from the cold of the snow storm outside, “I thought that you’d get bored of me, by now, I guess.”

Molly would appear taken aback by your thought; she never thought you’d think something like that, even after all she’d promised you, and it pained her slightly to think that you still doubted her feelings for you, even after all you had both already been through together ever since you were both a little shorter, as well as younger.

“Do you not remember me, Y/n-? Have I ever broken any of the promises I made ya?” She inquired, and you would frown, before shaking your head hastily whilst you appeared guilty again, wishing you’d not brought it up in the first place as you hated upsetting her like you could see you had. “So why would I, if I was bored of ya?” She pried, and you would wince, before bowing your head a little to try and hide that you were trying not to cry, knowing that it would only hurt her more to see you like this, though you couldn’t imagine why.

“I - I don’t know, I just-.. Mol, you-.. you’re everything better than me-”

“Hey,” she interjected before you could go on putting yourself down, “don’t - don’t ever say something like that, because it’s far from true; Y/n, you - you’re perfect, and I love you, just the way that you are - nothing could ever change my feelings for you, because you’re always gonna be the most perfect woman I’ve ever met, no matter what, so don’t you ever go and think that you’re not good enough for me, or I’ll have to punish you somehow, you got that?”

You would raise your eyebrows, intrigued by what she planned on doing to you if you put yourself down again whilst you grinned back at her, and would inch closer to her a little to close the gaps between you both completely; you hated having gaps of any kind between you both, always longing to feel the warmth of her own body against your’s as you felt empty whenever you both were away from one another, not making physical contact of any kind, somehow, just like she found she couldn’t bear being away from you, too, for the same reason.

“You’d punish me, Miss O’Shea?” You mused, and she would try her best not to appear flustered whilst she smirked back at you, and nodded whilst she affectionately connected her forehead to your’s again. “I’d like to know how, just - just so I’m prepared for whatever you might have in store for me,” you claimed, and she would pretend to think about it for a moment, prompting you to pout a little, until you tensed up, and shuddered a little whilst you felt her right hand painfully slowly trailing down your chest, and stomach, as if she truly were preparing to give you a demonstration of what she had been planning on doing as a makeshift ‘punishment’ for you doubting yourself, and therefore her feelings for you, but it was then that you both would falter upon hearing the sound of galloping hooves approaching - Dutch and Arthur must have just got back from their brief quest.

Your smile would then drop, and heart would sink alongside it whilst you and Molly locked eyes sadly for a moment; you’d have to part from one another now, for the night, and god knows how long you’d have to wait before she could return to you safely as she often had to wait to make sure sometimes that the drug she’d snuck him had efficiently knocked Dutch out before she could return to your side during all the nights she had done so before just to spend more time with you, though you again couldn’t imagine why she’d bother, even after what she’d previously told you; when you were low like you were, now, upon realising she’d have to leave your side again, it was easier for you to begin subconsciously doubting yourself, and therefore your worthiness to be loved by her, but you tried to hide it from her better this time, not wanting her to feel bad for leaving when she had to, as you didn’t want her to be hung, or harassed if ever she was caught with you like this somehow; you couldn’t imagine your life without her in it, and knew you’d have to die alongside her if you ever somehow lost her.

“I guess I should-..” She began, before gesticulating to the door, and you would nod gravely whilst you smiled faintly over at her, and would stare ahead of you through darker eyes whilst Molly sat up, began to collect up her clothes, and then to redress herself. “Hey,” she continued gently upon noticing the pained expression on your face, and you would wince, before glancing up at her again, and smiling shyly over at her whilst she crouched down in front of you, and would gently place her right hand on your left cheek, prompting your heart to skip a beat, and eyes to glint a little again whilst you couldn’t help, but admire her, and revel in how close you both were again, “I’ll be back tomorrow night, I promise - you’ll be okay, won’t ya?”

“O-Of course I will, as long as I’m thinking of you,” you answered, prompting her to smile softly whilst she nodded her head a little, before she leaned forward to delicately connect her lips to your’s, “see you tomorrow, my beloved Miss O’Shea.”

“See you tomorrow, my beloved Y/n L/n,” she returned, before begrudgingly getting up after she’d pressed an even gentler kiss to your forehead, and dragging herself out of the stable to greet Dutch and Arthur, as well as Micah who they had sadly returned with, whilst you curled up upon the blanket, and would stare ahead of you at one of the empty stable stalls, trying your best to fight back the tears that were currently clouding your vision whilst you tried to stay calm by filling your mind with thoughts of her, and the future you wished you could have with her.

🜸🜚🜸

The next day was unbearable; seeing Molly and Dutch together was unbearable - you couldn’t stand it; couldn’t stand him, and the possibility of you still losing her after all you’d both done together, before this moment in time. You were stood uncomfortably leaning against the stable door whilst you watched them talking to Arthur, before he walked off to join Javier on his quest to locate, save, and return John to camp, leaving them together as he turned to face her, and she would then wrap her arms around him whilst he returned the embrace, prompting your heart to sink a little whilst your eyes would even darken.

“She doesn’t love you,” you uttered down at the ground, subconsciously kicking at the snow with your right foot whilst you tried to remind yourself of your and her secret meeting yesterday.

“Miss L/n!” Susan Grimshaw called, and you would grunt, before begrudgingly turning to face her whilst she stormed up to you, ready to scold you for the lack of work you were doing for the camp.

“Yes, Miss Grimshaw?” You replied, as if you didn’t know what the purpose of her interruption was, when you’d been scolded by her before whilst the gang were residing within their camp back in Blackwater before the failed robbery there had taken place, driving you as well as them up here.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you doing any work-”

“Is surveying not work?” You interjected, and Susan would appear taken aback by your interruption. “I’m keeping us safe by watching over the camp-”

“You’re doing nothing for us,” she contradicted, “now I suggest you start doing something, or I’ll start readying my gun to give us all one less mouth to feed, because that’s what I do to the people I don’t trust here, got that?”

“Loud and clear,” you responded begrudgingly, and wondered why you could feel someone watching you, but you wouldn’t dare look up at where you’d last been watching Molly and Dutch together, “I’ll go out hunting, or something-”

“No need for that,” another voice interrupted, and you couldn’t help, but scowl subconsciously down at your feet upon recognising the voice to belong to Dutch Van Der Linde, “don’t worry, Miss L/n, you can stay here; Miss O’Shea’s kindly told me about all you went through with the Skinner Brother gang before we found you, and I want you to take it easy with Mrs Adler, okay?”

“Sure,” you murmured, whilst you wondered what Molly was doing; you couldn’t sense that she was nearby like you usually could whenever she was close to you, but you could still feel that someone was watching you, flustering you a little, but at the same time you couldn’t help, but feel safe within the gaze of your surveyor, suggesting to you that Molly was still where she was, before; still watching you longingly, and wishing she could be more open with you, somehow, despite being with Dutch, and being a woman like yourself, “thanks.”

“No problem,” he returned, before returning his attention to Susan, “now, Miss Grimshaw - walk and talk with me for a little while whilst Arthur and Javier are out looking for John.”

Dutch then began to guide her away whilst you began to feel empty, cold, and alone again, and of course you could hear - before they’d turned a corner, Miss Grimshaw complaining about you, but you were used to how it felt to be hated by now, as everyone before you’d met Molly had made you feel like shit, starting with your parents who had abandoned you for a reason unbeknownst you - you assumed maybe they just didn’t want you; maybe you weren’t good enough for them, when - little did you know - they’d let you go to protect you, knowing that in a few days time they’d probably be killed by a debt collector as a result of not being able to make enough money to repay their loan in the form of a successful harvest, and they didn’t want you to suffer alongside them for their actions, so they left you to begin a new life for yourself, instead of having your’s taken away alongside their own.

“I see the snow storm’s still going strong.” You would falter upon hearing Molly’s voice, before glancing up at her without hesitation, your eyes glinting a little after your tears had been shocked out of your eyes in response to her sudden appearance a few paces away from you; she’d never cease to amaze you somehow.

“Too much for us to keep on moving, right?” You guessed, and she would smile sadly, before nodding gravely whilst she bowed her head a little, finding herself nervous to make eye contact with you after she’d told Dutch about what had happened to you not too long ago now, regarding how the Skinner Brothers - a notorious gang residing back in Blackwater - had one day captured you, and abused you until Molly had managed to find you alongside Arthur Morgan who had ended up introducing her to Dutch and the rest of the gang, resulting in her deciding to become Dutch’s partner, as well as to join the gang to ensure extra safety for you as well as herself.

“With any luck, it’ll get better soon, right?” She replied, and you would nod timidly in agreement with her, before quickly wiping your eyes clear of any remaining tears, and smiling softly up at her whilst she nervously rubbed her right arm using her left hand, wishing things weren’t so awkward outside of your and her secret meet-ups; she hated that you both had to try and hide your feelings for one another in front of the others, but knew that there was nothing that could be done to change that now, if you both wanted to try and protect one another from being strung up with a noose around each of your necks for being two women in love with one another. “W-Well, I - I should go back inside, I guess-”

“N-No-!” You blurted out feebly, and she would stop in her tracks, a pained expression on her face whilst she glanced back at you, faltering when she noticed the fresh tear stains on your cheeks; she’d not noticed them, before, prompting her heart to sink whilst she wondered why you’d recently been crying, but before the question could slip from her lips, you would continue, your voice trembling a little whilst you did. “Mol, don’t - don’t go, please,” you begged, and she would frown whilst she began to feel guilty, wishing she could do more for you somehow to try and make you happy again; to try and stay with you for longer without causing any suspicion like she feared she might by staying here with you after she’d claimed before to certain members of the gang that Dutch was all the company she needed, just another of her attempts to try and avoid rousing suspicion regarding your and her true sexualities, as well as forbidden feelings for one another. “Just - Just stay for a little while longer,” you requested, “I - I miss talking to you the way we used to-”

“Y/n, you - you know we can’t,” she reminded you dejectedly, and you would fall quiet, a pained expression on your face, only making her feel worse as she hated seeing you upset like she could tell you currently were, “if the others see us-”

“We’re only talking, Molly,” you reminded her, “h-how is that - how is talking wrong? Mol, please-”

“Just wait until later, Y/n; I’m not risking you getting hurt, or even killed for being seen with me,” she insisted, but you would hastily shake your head, not hesitating to follow her closely as you couldn’t bear to be away from her like you had been for a little while, now, since she’d left the stable last night.

“What happened to us, Molly?” You questioned weakly, and she would appear taken aback by the question, before turning to face you sharply, prompting you to falter before you could bump into her, afraid of possibly hurting her by doing so; you’d never be able to forgive yourself if you ever let something like that happen somehow, so of course you stopped in your tracks as quickly as you had.

“Why? Do you seriously think there’s something wrong with the way we are, now? Y/n, I told you-”

“N-No, I know, I - I just-.. It’s nothing-.. I’m sorry, Mol, I - I should go and check on Murphy,” you decided, not wanting to burden her anymore than you could tell you already had, “I’ll - I’ll see you later, right?”

Molly then shook her head hastily, not wanting to leave things between you both there like that until you got to meet later; she couldn’t bear to think of how painful it would be waiting until nightfall, and constantly thinking about how you might be breaking down in the stable in secret whilst she tried to hold herself together as much as she possibly could around Dutch whenever he was with her, and she couldn’t go and see you no matter how much she always wanted to, so she vowed to try and fix things before you could both part again, warily looking around to make sure the others were still inside, and both Dutch and Susan still out of sight, before she began to rush after you before you could disappear back into the stable.

“Y/n, wait-!” She called, and you would falter, before timidly turning to face her, and smiling softly to show her that you were listening, prompting her to smile shyly back at you whilst her heart raced alongside your’s again blissfully. “J-Just take my hand, and let me promise you something, before you go back inside,” she requested, and you would appear surprised, as well as elated whilst you couldn’t help, but beam over at her, before you - without hesitation - allowed the fingers of your right hand to intertwine with the fingers of her left one in the best way possible whilst you admired one another for a moment, until she had managed to recover herself after she’d found herself so easily forgetting how to breathe, being so close to you like she currently was, an effect you’d both always seemed to had on her ever since you were shorter than you were, now.

“You make me too many promises,” you mused, and she would scoff, before shaking her head, and smiling lovingly over at you whilst she wished she could hold you close to her, and connect her forehead to your’s; she hated having gaps like this between you both, but she knew that - in a more open area like the one you were both currently in together, you could easily get caught, and harassed, and she couldn’t let that happen to you, knowing she’d never be able to forgive herself if she did, and she feared what might happen if she ended up losing you somehow, knowing that she most likely wouldn’t be able to go on living in the pain she didn’t doubt she’d be in.

Even just the thought of losing you was enough to prompt her heart to begin aching excruciatingly, but she would try and hide it from you to the best of her ability as she hated upsetting you like she knew she would if you saw that she was upset.

“What are you talking about? I don’t make ya nearly enough promises; you deserve a lot more-”

“Then you deserve double what you think I’m supposed to have,” you stated, surprising her as she made to protest, but before she could you both would falter upon hearing voices approaching - Dutch and Susan must be on their way around the area again, though you couldn’t imagine why they’d be having a conversation so long, especially when you thought it may be about how much you were sure Miss Grimshaw must hate you ever since Molly had brought you to their camp back in Blackwater. “Mol-”

“I love you,” she concluded gently, before leaning forward to kiss your right cheek, prompting your heart to skip a beat, “and I always will, I promise.”

“I - I love you, too,” you returned, and she couldn’t help, but beam over at you whilst she began to feel warm and fuzzy inside alongside you, “a-and I always will, n-no matter what - you’re my everything, Miss O’Shea.”

“I’m glad,” she replied in a voice close to a whisper, before she begrudgingly let go of your hand, and would smile sadly over at you whilst she waved, before beginning to drag herself back toward the main shack in which she, Dutch, Arthur, and Hosea were currently staying, before you both could be caught together, and suspected, harassed, or even reported, and hung, like she didn’t doubt you could be though neither of you knew how the others might react to your and her true sexualities, but you guessed you’d never find out, with her officially being Dutch’s partner, and not your’s.

Once she’d disappeared from sight, you began to feel empty again, prompting your heart to sink whilst you wondered why your now empty hand was stinging a little; it missed her’s excruciatingly, prompting you to sigh heavily, before you dragged yourself back into the stable, and tended to Murphy to distract yourself whilst you awaited nightfall; your and her next secret meeting, with a hopeful as well as heavy heart - all you wanted was to be free with her, but it seemed as if you’d both never be able to be free together, now, no matter how much you longed to be.

|

However, it soon got to be so late to the point that you decided she probably wasn’t coming, prompting your heart to sink a little, but you couldn’t blame her; you probably wouldn’t turn up either if you were in her position, meeting up with the nobody you believed to be yourself.

“She isn’t gonna come this late, Mur,” you murmured, before entering her stall, and carefully repositioning her reins to begin leading her toward the stable door. Once you’d got her outside, and closed the door, you would carefully climb up onto her saddle, and pat her neck gently using your right hand. “Take me back to Old Trail Rise, girl,” you continued half-heartedly, “it’s a bit of a trek, but-.. it’ll be worth it seeing it again - besides, I’m - I’m a little homesick, and-.. Molly’s probably caught up with Dutch, right?” Murphy then whinnied, before stamping her front right hoof impatiently as she wanted to get on the journey, or go back inside, prompting you to smile feebly; she always knew how to cheer you up when you felt low, like you did, now, wondering when, or even if things would go back to normal for you and Molly, but you doubted it would ever happen now, no matter how much you wished it would, after all you and her had already been through together. “That’s my girl,” you concluded, before you eased her into a steady gallop, and would brandish one of your shotguns just in case any wolves decided to try and make you their early morning snack.

On your way out of the camp, you failed to notice Molly looking out of the window in secret whilst Dutch was telling her about his most recent plan; she’d tried to drug him, and failed miserably, and upon noticing you she would falter, a pained expression on her face whilst she subconsciously shook her head a little, and wondered anxiously where you might be going so late, especially down the mountain where wolves would most likely try and hunt you, whilst it pained her heart to think that you were upset by her not showing up when she usually tended to before.

“Excuse me, Dutch,” she mustered a little shakily, before rushing out of the room, and Dutch would shrug, before diverting his attention onto his pipe, as well as one of the books he liked to read. As she was the only one without a horse, she knew she’d have to try and find someone else to help her get you back for fear of you getting hurt if she didn’t do so, and fast. Upon noticing that Arthur was still not within the building, though she’d heard he and Javier returning with John, she would rush outside, and desperately look around for him, or one of the others who might be willing to go out looking for you with her, as she was getting a bad feeling already - something must already be wrong, or would soon go wrong. “S-Someone, anyone - I need your help-”

“What’s goin’ on, Miss O’Shea?” She would express relief upon hearing Arthur’s voice, before looking toward him; he’d just come out of the larger building housing the other gang members, as well as John, now that he had been brought back after being attacked by wolves.

“A-Arthur, oh thank god,” she responded, “it - it’s Y/n.” Arthur would raise his eyebrows, before tilting his head partially whilst he wondered why she would be asking for his help, rather than Dutch’s, as she seemed to be warily looking back toward the shack she’d recently rushed out of, as if he didn’t know about her worries regarding your safety. “She’s in trouble, o-or soon will be if we don’t go out and get her-”

“We-?” He interjected, but Molly wouldn’t respond, rushing him over to his Amber Champagne Missouri Fox Trotter before he could protest, or even open his mouth to reply to her; she was desperate to find you, and make sure that you were okay, before she could lose you somehow, though she didn’t know yet that you were in trouble, but the bad feeling within her chest and stomach told her that if she and Arthur didn’t locate you soon, she would never see you again, and she was right.

🜸

It had happened so fast. Murphy had reared up in response to the close howling of a pack of wolves, and as you were in shock your grip on her reins managed to loosen just enough for you to fall off of her, and have your back hit the snow, leaving you feeling faint and numb whilst the wolves began to surround you after she had bolted. Whilst you lay there, you found yourself beginning to feel lost, and as if you no longer knew who you were, until you remembered Molly, and couldn’t help, but smile softly in response to the thought of her; you couldn’t give in, not yet, so of course you reached for your gun - you couldn’t be taken down without a fight if you wanted to see her again, so of course - for her, as well as Murphy - you had to try.

🜸

“I still think we should tell Dutch about this-”

“I don’t,” she replied without hesitation, whilst trying not to appear nervous or guilty in front of him, though he was already growing suspicious of your and her relationship, like he had been finding himself doing for a little while now, even before you and them had to flee up the Grizzly Mountains to reach Colter, and efficiently avoid the law as well as bounty hunters back in Blackwater after the failed robbery had taken place. “It’s nothing he needs to know about; there’s things he doesn’t tell me - he’s never told me anything about what happened back in Blackwater, so why should I tell him about this?” She inquired, and Arthur would wince, before nodding gravely; she had made a good point. “Look - w-will ya just-”

She would then fall quiet upon hearing someone crying out in agony, and they sounded very much like you, prompting her heart to sink, before it began to pound overwhelmingly whilst Arthur would sigh heavily, guessing he’d have to soon brawl with another pack of wolves despite already doing so to save, and bring John back to the new camp.

“I guess that means the wolves are out again-”

“Go!” She cried, desperate to get to you before the wolves could take you away from her, prompting Arthur to grunt, before he pressed his horse to carefully trot on closer to the point that they could hear you firing your gun, prompting Molly to express relief - at least you had something to defend yourself whilst they were on their way to save you.

“I’m gonna have to get off here, alright? You stay on the horse-”

“But-”

“No buts, Miss O’Shea,” he interjected hastily, knowing that he needed to work fast if they wanted you to come out of this alive, “just stay here, and I’ll call you when I’ve dealt with what she hasn’t shot yet.”

Molly would hesitate, before nodding gravely, though she’d rather help him save you as she couldn’t bear to stay whilst she anxiously listened to the new gunshots sounding out, wondering excruciatingly if she’d ever see you again following this moment in time, until Arthur had finally called for her to come down, and her gaze had finally fallen upon you again, despite the current bloody state that you were in.

🜸

As soon as you noticed Molly with your right eye that hadn’t been scratched, you couldn’t help, but smile softly, until you remembered the state your face must be in after one of the wolves had managed to achieve a strike at you, and would wince, hastily bowing your head a little though she’d already seen what had been done to you, prompting her heart to sink a little, and her eyes to darken slightly; she wished she’d got to you sooner, before the wolves could hurt you like she could see they had.

“M-Miss O’Shea,” you managed, and upon hearing your voice she would be dragged out of her thoughts, her heart skipping a beat, before she rushed up to you, and crouched down beside you, “t-this is a - a pleasant-” Before you could even finish your sentence, her arms were around you, prompting you to falter, before you subconsciously melted into her embrace, and wouldn’t hesitate to return it, beginning to feel guilty for making to leave the way you had, only to have her see you in a state like this, prompting your heart to sink whilst you drew in a shaky breath, before resting your head upon her right shoulder whilst your heart ached alongside her own excruciatingly.

“I’ll go and find your horse, Miss L/n; y’all look like you need some time alone,” he stated, and Molly would then appear fearful whilst she looked back at him, and he would shake his head to try and reassure her; he knew that it was hard for people in your and her position, and didn’t want to get involved to a point that might mean you both would end up suffering for something that shouldn’t qualify as being punishable, “don’t worry - this ain’t my business, anyway - I’ll be right back.”

He then rushed off to try and find Murphy before she could get any further down the mountain, and once he had gone, Molly would carefully connect her forehead to your’s whilst she tried not to break down alongside you, lifting her right hand up to your left cheek so she could gently cover the scar the wolf had recently given you in an attempt to stop it from bleeding anymore than it already was now into her palm.

“Y-Y/n, I - I’m so-”

“Don’t apologise,” you interjected gently; you could tell that this was what she was about to do, and didn’t want her to feel as if she had to, and she would falter, a pained expression on her face whilst she gravely shook her head, “I - I’m the idiot who decided to come out here in the first place, right? This ain’t in any way your fault, Mol-”

“It is my fault, Y/n,” she contradicted, wishing you’d stop lying to her though you’d never believe otherwise; you decided to go down the mountain, and therefore allowed the wolves to get to you, “if I’d come out to the stable to tell you that Dutch was still awake, you’d-”

“You know me, Miss O’Shea,” you remarked a little more playfully; you hated seeing her upset, and wished now that you’d tried to stay, or had at least been more careful to try and hide yourself from her view before you had begun to make your way down the mountain, “even if you had, I still would have done it - you know that, right?”

She would nod gravely again, knowing that you most likely would as you’d often tended to be quite reckless like that even before the Skinner Brothers had captured, and abused you for a little while.

“You’re right,” she agreed, “I do know you, and I know when I’ve hurt you, too-”

“You’ve never hurt me,” you contradicted, “it’s like I said before - I was an idiot, l-like I usually am, who decided it would be a good idea to try and travel back down the mountain alone, and that’s all there is to it, I promise.”

“So I didn’t hurt you-? By - By not showing up earlier?” She inquired, and you would shake your head, before smiling reassuringly up at her for a moment, until you felt as if you should lower your head again, though her right hand was currently still concealing your new scar.

“I probably look like a mess right now, don’t I? O-Or, at least, even more of one-”

“You could never look like a mess, Y/n,” she contradicted, not wanting you to think that way about yourself as she wanted you to feel valued, like she believed you deserved to be, and wished you could see yourself the way that she saw you: you would always be perfect in her eyes, no matter what, or how many scars anything might give you in the future, like this new one you’d been gifted so kindly by one of the wolves that had ambushed you and Murphy, “hey - look at me; you don’t have to hide anything from me - you know that, right?”

“Of course I know that,” you reassured her, and she would express relief, glad, before she smiled warmly over at you, and would then carefully move her right hand away as she’d not felt anymore blood escaping from the scratch in a little while, “I just - can’t believe you still want me e-even after-.. after the wolves; t-this scratch is probably gonna make for a bad scar-”

“As if I’d never fall in love with a beautifully scarred woman,” she remarked, “come here, you.” She then wrapped her arms around you again, before she delicately connected her lips to your own, and you would then instantly melt into the kiss whilst you smiled softly against her lips, and would subconsciously return the embrace again.

“I - I missed you,” you mustered in a voice close to a whisper, prompting her heart to skip a beat, before she smirked over at you, prompting blood to begin rushing to your cheeks, suggesting to her that she’d already managed to fluster you so unbelievably easily, an effect she’d always seemed to have on you ever since you were both shorter than you are, now.

“I missed you, too,” she returned, whilst you both admired one another for a moment, and you couldn’t help, but forget to breathe whilst your gaze locked with her’s again after it had briefly drifted down to her lips again, “but don’t worry - I’m gonna make it up to ya, I promise; Dutch said he’s gonna be going out with Micah, Bill, and Arthur tomorrow to find the O’Driscolls - apparently there are still some around here somewhere, so we’ll be able to spend more time together whilst he’s out with them - How does that sound?”

“Like music to my ears,” you answered seductively, and she would grin again, before initiating a slightly deeper, but still gentle kiss, and you wouldn’t hesitate to melt into it again whilst you found yourself wondering why she’d decided to come out looking for you; you’d never had anyone care for you as much as she always had, and you still found you weren’t used to it, but loved how it felt to be valued nonetheless whilst you hoped you were making her feel the same way as showering her with your love for her had been all that you’d ever wanted to do, and still was; undoubtedly always would be, no matter what the future might have in store for you both. “E-Everything you tell me is like that,” you added once the kiss had sadly ended, “I - I know I told you this earlier, but - I love you, Molly O’Shea.”

She couldn’t help, but smile warmly over at you whilst her eyes began to glint in the best way possible, prompting your heart to skip a beat - how could one person be so amazing in everything she does, says, and is?

“I - I love you, too, Y/n L/n,” she expressed, her voice briefly trembling, before she buried her face into the crook of your neck whilst you tried to provide comfort to her by gently stroking her hair using your right hand, even finding tears beginning to cloud your own vision, alongside her’s; you never thought something could feel so perfect before, like this moment did, until you both could hear that footsteps, as well as hooves, were approaching nearby, prompting your heart, as well as her own, to sink; you both hated being away from one another, but if you wanted to protect each other you knew you’d have to pull away from one another, and that was what you - begrudgingly, as well as gravely - did, just in time for Arthur to appear leading Murphy toward you both.

“I finally caught her for you, Miss L/n,” he began, and you would manage a weak smile of thanks over at him, before nodding your head, and pushing yourself to sit up a little more, “she almost got all the way down there, but - she ain’t quick enough to escape the likes of me, you see.”

“You wish she weren’t,” you contradicted, and Arthur would scoff, before shaking his head, “thanks, anyway; I’d never have been able to get her back if you didn’t go after her, so-..”

“Don’t mention it,” he replied, “anyway - we best get back, before Dutch starts to worry - right, Miss O’Shea?”

Molly would then falter, before nodding gravely whilst she subconsciously grimaced down at the ground, whilst you would tense up a little, your heart easily beginning to ache a little again, but you would try and - in an attempt to try and hide that the reminder of their relationship was painful - remind yourself of what she’d recently told you about how you both would be able to spend more time together tomorrow whilst he was out with Micah, Arthur, and Bill, finally.

“You’re right, we - we should,” she agreed dejectedly, before smiling sadly over at you, and you would try your best to reflect her smile, but she could see through it, and it was excruciating to see that you were in pain again, despite your and her previously shared moment, “come on, you - you need some rest after the wolves got to ya, and we’ll talk in the morning, I promise.”

She would then carefully help you off of the ground, before leading you over slowly to Murphy, and then climbing up onto the saddle after she’d made sure that you were stable behind her whilst she guided your arms around her waist, and couldn’t help, but smile softly upon feeling you resting your head upon her left shoulder.

“I can’t wait,” you managed, your voice barely audible, only prompting her smile to grow a little more subconsciously.

“You ready, or-?” She inquired, not wanting to begin moving Murphy until she knew that you were okay with her doing so, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable, or to put you through anymore pain than you had already been through today.

“I was born ready, a-as long as you’re by my side, Mol,” you answered truthfully, and she would appear surprised, as well as flattered, before she eased Murphy into a steady canter to catch up with Arthur on his Amber Champagne Missouri Fox Trotter, and would secretly hold your left hand within her own, prompting you to smile subconsciously again whilst you began to feel warm and fuzzy as if you’d not been in pain a brief moment ago now that you both were making blissful physical contact again.

“I’m glad,” she replied, before gently squeezing your hand, and revelling in the moment alongside you whilst she wondered what tomorrow might have in store for you both, even dreaming about it, until the morning finally came, and she could be reunited with you again.

🜸🜚🜸

As soon as Dutch had gone out with Micah, Arthur, and Bill to locate the near O’Driscolls, Molly would hastily walk over to the stable to try and avoid being noticed, and therefore suspected by anyone of doing something questionable that might prompt someone to follow her, knowing that it might not end well for either of you if she did. As soon as she’d reached the stable doors, she would falter upon hearing that Murphy was distressed, whinnying and neighing as if something was wrong, prompting her to appear fearful whilst she began to think that maybe something had happened to you, resulting in her heart feeling as if it were dropping, before she rushed inside.

Once she’d opened the door, she could hear that you were crying quietly and whimpering, whilst you appeared to still be asleep; you must have been having a nightmare for a little while, now, and Murphy was worried about you, sensing your distress. She then hastily closed it, before rushing up to you, and crouching down beside you to delicately cradle your trembling body close to her in an attempt to try and provide comfort to you whilst you cried into her left shoulder, and struggled a little within her embrace, not fully conscious though you’d begun to stir once she’d wrapped her arms around you.

“L-Let her go, please!” You cried feebly, your voice weak, and barely audible, and she would frown, a pained expression on her face whilst she began to wonder if your nightmare was about her, somehow. “I need her-!” You pleaded, desperate to save her as if you were still stuck within the nightmare, afraid that maybe the Skinner Brothers truly had got to her the way that they had managed to capture you before.

“Hey, it - it’s okay, Y/n,” she cooed gently whilst she used her right hand to stroke your hair, prompting you to jump a little, evidently startled, and still in shock after the nightmare had taken place, “I’m - I’m here, now-”

You then would glance up at her whilst tears streamed down your cheeks, some even escaping from your wounded left eye, before your right eye widened a little, and you would shake your head hastily, before sitting up, and holding her at arm’s length as if you still weren’t fully conscious yet; still believed yourself to be in the same situation that you were before with her being threatened by a few members of the Skinner Brother gang whilst you were being held back, and helplessly made to watch whilst she had been crying for you to help her, though she’d successfully woken you up a brief moment ago.

“You - You can’t be here, Mol, they - they’re gonna hurt you, they - they-” You then couldn’t help, but break down, unable to fight back your emotions anymore whilst a strained sob escaped your lips, before you buried your face into the crook of her neck, and sobbed uncontrollably into it whilst you clung to her as if your life depended on her being there with you.

Molly then wrapped her arms around you again whilst she found herself trying to fight back tears alongside you; she hated seeing you like this, and wished she could do more for you, somehow; wished she could rid you of the trauma that you were facing as a result of how the Skinner Brothers had abused you, before she and Arthur had managed to locate, and save you from them.

“They can’t do anything to us, here, I promise,” she cooed, “we’re safe, now, and you’re never gonna lose me, no matter what; I love you, Y/n L/n.”

A pained expression would then cross your face, before you bowed your head a little, prompting her to frown, and her heart to sink again whilst she wondered why you seemed so down all of a sudden.

“You shouldn’t,” you murmured dejectedly, “Molly, I-.. people say I’m heartless; I heard Susan say it yesterday, too, a-and I’m starting to think they’re right; t-the Skinner Brothers, they - they were holding me, and I couldn’t move; couldn’t - couldn’t get to you-”

“Heartless?” Molly scoffed, before shaking her head, and lifting her left hand up to your right cheek to avoid hurting you by touching the bandages you now had covering the scratch one of the wolves had given you yesterday; Arthur had insisted he patch you up before Dutch could get involved within the situation to protect you both, no matter how much Molly insisted that she help alongside him, wanting to make sure that you were okay, and that your wound doesn’t end up getting infected somehow. “Y/n, you - you’re far from being heartless; your heart’s a lot bigger than you think it is,” she contradicted, “hey - don’t - don’t listen to what Miss Grimshaw says right now; she’s just - not used to you being here with us, yet, but she’ll warm up to you, I promise, I know she will. I mean - I warmed up to ya the day I first met ya, remember? And even if you were heartless, which is something you never will be, I will always love ya, Y/n, always, no matter what the future holds in store for us.”

You would appear surprised, before glancing up at her whilst more tears managed to escape your eyes whilst you wondered again what you’d done to deserve someone as perfect as her, sniffling quietly whilst you locked eyes with her in the best way possible, and tried to swallow the lump forming in your throat.

“I - I will always love you, too, Molly O’Shea,” you mustered up shakily, before you leaned forward to delicately connect your lips to her own, prompting her to instantly melt into the kiss whilst she smiled softly against your lips, and revelled in how her tears must be mixing with your own as some of her’s had managed to escape though she’d been trying to stay strong for you, not wanting to upset you any further than you already were.

“Hey, a-as long as you’re up for it, would - would you maybe wanna-?” She suggested timidly, and you would smirk upon noticing that she’d begun to blush. “I just-.. you know,” she continued, her voice close to a whisper, and you couldn’t help, but grin sheepishly over at her, before you inched even closer to her to flusher her even more, your lips now dangerously close to brushing against her’s again.

“I’ll think about it,” you stated, after you’d teased her by briefly brushing your lips against her own, as if you were about to accept her suggestion, before you got up off of the ground, and she would sport a dazed expression on her face, pouting over at you, and of course you couldn’t resist her puppy eyes, immediately giving in without any struggle as you giggled softly, prompting her heart to skip a beat, before you crouched down in front of her again. “You know I can’t resist you, Mol - of course I’m up for playing with you; I - I’m up for anything as long as it’s with you, Miss O’Shea,” you admitted, before you leaned forward to kiss her again, elating her as she wrapped her arms around your waist to stabilise you once the kiss began to deepen, before she carefully eased you down onto the sheet you’d been sleeping on ever since you, her, and the others had finally arrived here, and though you both hoped that it could always be blissful like this between you, you knew that you’d never be able to hide the pain that you felt whenever you saw her and Dutch together, and this was why you both ended up fighting again during the early hours of the morning, before she’d stormed out of the stable, and you began to feel empty again.

🜸🜚🜸

You seemed to cry endlessly that night, to the point that you were surprised as you never thought you’d had so many tears within you before; never thought you could cry as much as you had, leaving your eyes more sore than they had ever been. You couldn’t believe you’d let your jealousy take over you the way it had, and you hated yourself for it, especially whenever you remembered the hurt look on Molly’s face after you’d told her to just go and stay with Dutch, even going so far as to claim that you’d never loved her, anyway, in your moment of disorientation and pain, prompting her to scowl, before she slapped you, returned your remark, and then stormed out of the stable whilst you appeared crestfallen, though you knew you deserved what she’d said and done after you’d started the fight.

You didn’t dare even open your mouth to speak to anyone the next day, though some of the other women within the gang seemed more worried about you than usual; you didn’t doubt that they’d been talking about you, and even Susan seemed to be laying off of you - could you really be looking so miserable? Though you’d been trying hard to hide it through feeble, forced, and the faintest smiles you had ever been able to muster up before. It was harder than usual to muster up the two words ‘I’m fine’ whenever someone greeted you, and decided they should check up on you, and you couldn’t believe you’d not broken down yet, until you noticed Molly and Dutch together again, prompting you to feel numb, and your heart to ache excruciatingly. You even had to fight back a strained sob, hastily lowering your gaze to avoid eye contact with either of them, especially Molly; you knew you’d break down then and there if your gaze locked with her’s, but then again you found you couldn’t help, but glance up at her upon hearing her voice, prompting your heart to skip a beat beneath the pain it was currently putting you through, and had put you through the whole of the rest of the early hours of the morning the previous night.

“We’re gonna be hitting the train the O’Driscolls were targeting tomorrow,” Dutch informed, and Molly would force a disappointed expression onto her face, prompting you to frown upon noticing it, before you shuffled uncomfortably in place, “don’t worry, my lady, we won’t be out for too long, I promise.”

“You better not be,” she corroborated, “otherwise I’ll be lonely, without ya - I love you, Dutch, and you promised me we’d spend more time together, remember that?”

“I did, didn’t I?” He replied, before grinning over at her, and wrapping his arms around her waist whilst you watched longingly, appearing crestfallen again; you never thought anything could be so painful, before, but here you were, feeling as if you’d lost everything within you; as if everything you had left was collapsing around you, leaving you with nothing, but your now broken heart as a result of you feeling as if you’d now truly lost her following the events of the previous night. “Well, as soon as we get more money, and get away from here, we’ll be able to spend more time together, I promise,” he claimed, and Molly would force a smile over at him, before she leaned forward to kiss him, prompting you to falter, before you allowed your gaze to drop instantly alongside what remained of your shattered heart, “now - I’ve gotta talk to Micah about something, but I’ll be back soon, alright?” He then let go of her, before hastily walking off to go and discuss his plans with Micah, whilst Molly would briefly look over at you, just in time to meet your gaze for a moment, and you would silently beg her to give you another chance, scared of what your life might be like if she weren’t in it, by your side, and though she hesitated, a pained expression on her face, it wasn’t long before she dragged herself away, and disappeared back into the large shack she was staying in with Dutch, Arthur, and Hosea, prompting the last remaining hopes you had been holding to leave you instantly, alongside a couple more tears that had managed to escape your eyes, stinging your left eye that had been wounded the day before, but the tear didn’t cause you as much pain as your heart was, and had been ever since the fight had occurred.

You, then - feeling heavier than you ever had before - would shake your head gravely, before you bowed it for a moment to try and hide that you were starting to cry again, and would hastily disappear back into the stable to retrieve Murphy; you didn’t feel there was anymore point you going on without Molly, so you planned to do the world a favour, as well as her and Murphy, by trying to put a stop to your entire existence.

🜚

Once Arthur had arrived back with Charles from hunting for Pearson, and had skinned the deer he had managed to catch alongside his companion, he would be surprised to be approached by Mary-Beth as soon as he’d left Pearson to the stew he was preparing for the group.

“H-Hey, Arthur, could you do me and Tilly a favour?” She requested, and Arthur would try not to appear disgruntled by this request, being tired after he’d gone out hunting and only returned a brief moment ago.

“Sure,” he answered begrudgingly, before forcing a smile to avoid making her feel bad for asking anything of him after what he’d already done today, “what do you need?”

“Well - it’s Y/n,” she answered, and Arthur would raise his eyebrows, before grunting, and looking away from her; he couldn’t believe he had to help you again after you’d already got attacked by wolves the day before.

“It’s always Y/n,” he remarked, and Mary-Beth would wince upon remembering that he’d had to help you yesterday after being woken up by him returning you and Molly to camp, before he began to bandage up part of your face, covering the deep scratch you’d received from one of the wolves that had ambushed you. She would nod gravely, before smiling apologetically over at him whilst he sighed heavily, and would recompose himself, before deciding to give in; if you or one of the others needed help - if they weren’t Micah - he was (still begrudgingly at times) happy to oblige, therefore today wasn’t any different, so of course he decided he’d help Mary-Beth and Tilly with whatever it was regarding you, despite his helping you the day before. “Go on; what’s gone wrong with her now?” He inquired, and Mary-Beth would appear relieved; she’d been worried for a moment that maybe Arthur would refuse to help her find you for fear of what you planned to do after the way she’d noticed that you had been acting today, before you’d rode off with Murphy again back down the mountain, despite you previously being ambushed down there by the wolves yesterday.

“We’re worried about her - you see, she ain’t been right all day,” she explained, and Arthur would scoff.

“Sometimes it seems like she ain’t ever right,” he commented, “I mean - why the hell would she ride off the way she did yesterday after John was attacked by wolves nearby, too?”

“I - I ain’t sure, but-.. if you could go out looking for her - I think I saw her ridin’ out on Murphy again the same way she went last time - we’d be extremely grateful, of course; we just wanna know that she’s okay,” she continued, and Arthur would hum gravely in response to her request, before nodding, and trying not to sigh again; he couldn’t believe all that he was having to do for you recently, including not telling Dutch about his suspicions regarding you and Molly’s close relationship.

“In that case, I’ll try my best to find her for you,” he decided, and Mary-Beth would smile her thanks back at him, glad, before she nodded, and made to share the news with Tilly.

“Thanks, Arthur,” she replied, and he would nod, before lifting his left hand up a little briefly in response to her, “oh, and - we ain’t sure why, but - Molly also seems to be acting strange, too, but - we’re gonna talk to her, so don’t worry about that; just letting you know.”

“Sure, Mary-Beth,” he responded, and she would nod again, before smiling faintly, and then disappearing back into the blackboard shack; the largest compared to the others housing the rest of the gang excluding Micah, Bill, and Lenny. Arthur would then grunt again, before shaking his head, allowing his displeasure regarding the situation to show now that Mary-Beth couldn’t see his true feelings regarding his unexpected new task, but he’d accepted her request, and knew now that he had to fulfil it somehow, so he would push himself to walk toward his Amber Champagne Missouri Fox-Trotter, before he climbed up onto her saddle, and would pat her neck using his right hand, before easing her into a steady canter toward the slope you’d gone down with Murphy.

🜸

Once you felt you’d got far enough down the mountain, you would dismount Murphy, prompting her to snort, and impatiently stamp her front right hoof whilst she wondered why you both had stopped moving so soon.

“Sorry, girl,” you mustered up feebly, a pained expression on your face whilst tears began to cloud your vision, “I-.. I just-.. without Molly-.. you understand, right?” You then wrapped your arms around her neck, whilst you sniffled quietly, and would try and fight back a strained sob whilst you found yourself on the verge of breaking down again. “I’m so sorry,” you whispered shakily, “I love you so much; w-we’ve been through hell together, haven’t we? I’ve put you through so much - so much crap that-.. that it’s unreal, haven’t I?” Murphy then whinnied, before she began to nuzzle at your hair again. “It wouldn’t be right for me to put you through more, ‘s-specially when - when I’m hollow inside, right?” You then made to take off Murphy’s saddle, and bridle, before you dropped them onto the ground, and would take a step back, further confusing your friend, who anxiously shuffled on the spot, and snorted again whilst she distractedly dug at the snow with her right hoof. “Maybe we’ll see each other again in another lifetime, but-.. I don’t wanna restrict you, o-or risk you getting hurt anymore, so-”

“What the hell are you doin’, Y/n?” You would wince upon hearing Arthur’s voice, before gently slapping Murphy’s behind to try and get her to flee, even crying ‘go’, but he would then manage to catch her with his lasso before she could run off, and you could lose her.

“No-!” You cried, a pained expression on your face, before you took out your Volcanic Pistol, and aimed it up at Arthur, surprising him as he shook his head hastily, and raised his free left hand in surrender to try and get you to calm down.

“Alright, take it easy,” he replied cautiously, “put the gun down-”

“N-Not until you let her go,” you interjected hastily, your voice briefly trembling whilst you did, and he would sigh heavily again, before nodding slowly, and attaching the end of his lasso to his horse’s saddle so he could dismount his Missouri Fox Trotter, and then act as if he would release her whilst she appeared spooked, and neighed despairingly as well as in an agitated manner in response to the situation at hand.

“The things I’ve gotta do for crazy people like you,” he uttered, and you would grimace, before clicking the safety off of your gun, prompting him to wince, but he would manage to remain appearing unperturbed by the situation, despite how you could easily take his life in this moment if he made another wrong move. “Lettin’ her go now, alright?” He claimed, but before releasing Murphy from the lasso, he would secretly try and calm her down to get her to stay in place, allowing him to then hastily draw his own pistol from its sheath to shoot the gun out of your right hand, before he then caught you within the lasso, enabling him to hogtie you whilst you struggled desperately to escape, before even breaking down after your plan had evidently failed; you didn’t want to have to live with the pain of being away from Molly anymore, but now it seemed like you would have to, after he’d somehow managed to find you though he’d still been out with Charles by the time you’d decided to leave again, this time hoping that you’d finally be able to rid the others and Molly of the burden you believed your existence to be. “Jesus, you really ain’t right in the head today,” he remarked whilst crouching to your left side, and you would scoff, before shaking your head gravely, “what happened?”

“Nothing,” you uttered, “it’s - it’s none of your business; I - I ain’t ever been right in the head; there’s been no change.”

“I highly doubt that,” he replied, “anyway, you’re right, it ain’t my business, but - people are worried about you, Y/n. What were you gonna do, anyway? Why were you taking all of Murphy’s tack off, like you were gonna let her go completely, or somethin’?”

“I - I don’t need her anymore, and she doesn’t need me, anymore,” you uttered, “I was gonna-.. it’s not important, I just-.. Molly.”

“You weren’t gonna come back, were you?” He guessed, but you found you couldn’t even respond, or nod, feeling much too weak to do anything, and much too numb; the pain was overwhelming to the point that even the smallest movements seemed to pain you. “Mary-Beth told me Molly’s also been actin’ strange today,” he stated, and you would frown, before shaking your head gravely.

“She-.. She seemed happy, w-with Dutch, before I left,” you recalled whilst your shattered heart began to ache again, prompting him to tilt his head partially, “why - why would she-.. why would she care if I-?”

“Look, I don’t know what’s goin’ on between you two, but - whatever it is,” he began again gently, “y’all are gonna be just fine; you’ll work it out, I’m sure you will, come on - we gotta get you back, before you freeze, and Murphy bolts.” You would nod gravely, appearing crestfallen whilst you stared ahead of you, your vision clouding over with tears again; you couldn’t believe you’d failed again to rid Molly and the others of your burdening existence, but you were determined to keep trying, believing that they’d all be better off without you, especially Molly and Murphy. “Oh, and - before I forget,” he continued, before confiscating your guns to try and weaken the possibility of you trying to take your life, prompting you to grunt, “sorry, but I don’t think you can be trusted with your guns right now - anyway.” He then would cut you free, before he helped you up off of the ground, and you would lean heavily against the boulder whilst he put the tack back on Murphy. “C’mon, let’s go,” he encouraged, and you would begrudgingly nod gravely, before making to get back up onto Murphy, but he would direct you away from her before you could. “You ain’t ridin’ back on Murphy - not in a state like this,” he stated, and you would roll your eyes, before climbing up onto his Missouri Fox Trotter, “good.” He then climbed up onto the saddle, before whistling for Murphy to follow behind you both. “You ready?” He inquired, and you would force a nod again, before managing a faint smile, and then bowing your head again.

“Sure, I guess,” you answered, and he would nod in response, before easing his companion into a canter again, whilst you stared down at your hands, and cursed yourself for your failure the whole way, whilst you dreaded the pain you knew you were going to be in upon arriving back into the camp, but you knew you’d never be the same again anyway, not without Molly, so you guessed you’d just have to live with it, until you could finally take your life without intervention from Arthur, or one of the others, no matter how long it might take; you’d do anything to try and make Molly and Murphy happy, and if suicide was the only way, you’d do it for them without the slightest hesitation.

🜚

“Hey,” Arthur spoke up again once you’d both arrived back at camp, and you would hesitantly stop walking, and look back at him after you’d dismounted his Missouri Fox Trotter, “take it easy, alright? You’ve been through a lot recently - I’ll go and tell Molly and the others that you’re okay-”

“Wait-!” You cried feebly, your voice close to a whisper, and he would halt his horse before it could continue any further, nodding to show that he was listening to you, and you would then appear dejected for a moment, feeling guilty, though you doubted Molly could be worried about you after you’d disappeared. “Don’t-.. Don’t tell Molly; I-.. I’m scared of-.. of what she might think,” you admitted timidly, and Arthur would nod gravely, before smiling sympathetically over at you, though he knew he should tell her for both your and her sakes, and therefore intended to do so try and protect you both somehow, to avoid either of you trying to take your lives again to the best of his ability.

“Sure - just rest up, okay?” He replied, and you would nod your thanks, before mustering up the two words, and then leading Murphy into the stable, whilst he would then hitch up his horse, before making toward the main shack that he assumed Molly was still currently within, but he would be surprised to walk into her and Dutch’s room to find her crying whilst Mary-Beth and Tilly were trying to provide comfort to her. He would then awkwardly clear his throat, before stepping a little further into the room. “Ladies,” he began, “Miss O’Shea - you alright?”

“O-Of course I am,” she claimed whilst she tried to recompose herself, hastily wiping her eyes, before she allowed herself to look up at him, but he could see that she’d been upset for a while, now, and had previously heard that she was crying in a strained manner as if she was trying not to break down completely in front of the others for fear of what they might think; how they might suspect you and her as a result of her change in demeanour following your and her fight, whilst you, too, were appearing to be in pain despite trying not to show that you were, “why - why wouldn’t I be?”

“You ain’t okay,” he contradicted, and she would groan, before bowing her head, a pained expression on her face whilst she anxiously fidgeted with her hands, and he would then return his attention to Tilly and Mary-Beth who were rubbing Molly’s back. “Sorry, ladies, could I maybe talk to Miss O’Shea alone?” He requested, and they would share a look for a moment, appearing worried, before Mary-Beth looked up at him, and would voice her concerns as she feared that maybe something bad had happened to you due to the way he’d requested to talk privately with Molly, as if he were about to deliver her bad news regarding you after he’d gone out looking for you, and had recently - currently unbeknownst to them - brought you back, before this moment in time.

“Arthur, you - you did find Y/n, didn’t you?” She inquired, and he would realise, before nodding hastily to reassure them that you hadn’t got yourself killed this time, barely, but he now knew you would have if he’d not got to you in time.

“I found her, barely,” he answered, “but if I’d not got to her in time we’d have lost her.” Molly would then falter, glancing up at him with a hurt look on her face whilst she wondered what had happened to you; why you’d even decided to run off again in the first place, and he would then sigh upon noticing the look on her face. “That’s partly why I wanna talk to you alone for a minute, Miss O’Shea - would that be alright?” He asked, and she would appear nervous for a moment, before nodding gravely, and bowing her head again whilst she wondered what you might be doing, now; wondered if you were okay where you were, and if you’d still be upset with her if she came to check on you tomorrow whilst Dutch, Arthur, Bill, and Micah were out robbing the train the O’Driscolls had been targeting before Dutch had previously raided them. “Ladies?” He continued awkwardly, but they would understand, and nod hastily, before getting up to leave.

“Sorry, Arthur - we’ll get out of your way, now,” Tilly reassured him, before she and Mary-Beth left the room, and Arthur would then warily look outside, before closing the door, and leaning a little heavily against it whilst Molly continued to fidget with her hands warily, evidently anxious about what he might ask her, or be about to tell her regarding you briefly running off again earlier after you’d seen her and Dutch together, and she’d refused to give you a second chance, afraid of what might happen if she did, though she longed for things to return back to the way they were between you both; she missed you dearly, like you missed her more than you could ever miss anything else, excluding Murphy.

“So - what did ya wanna talk about, o-or ask me?” Molly began timidly, her voice briefly trembling whilst she bit down on her tongue a little to try and stop her voice from shaking anymore than it already was, and he would frown, before tilting his head partially; he couldn’t tell if she’d begun to cry again, but he’d certainly never seen her like this before.

Little did he know, she was trying not to break down again, but she was on the verge of failing miserably, and knew she might not be able to hold back her emotions again soon, especially when she knew that he wanted to discuss you, as well as her, and your secret relationship with one another.

“I’ll start things off easy,” he remarked, and she would nod again slowly whilst she tried to recompose herself, fighting back her tears to the best of her ability whilst she tried to stay focused so she could answer his incoming question, and do so whilst trying to protect you as well as herself from being hung, or harassed for your and her true hidden sexualities, and love for one another, “what happened between you and Y/n, earlier?”

She would try and appear puzzled whilst she tried to think up a response, rubbing her right arm with her left hand whilst she did subconsciously, and he then knew to expect a lie from her, at first.

“W-What are you talking about? Nothing happened between me and Y/n earlier,” she claimed, and he would raise his eyebrows, before grunting, and lowering his gaze a little; he’d have to get straight to the point if he wanted real answers from her, that much he could guess at this point, “we - we’re fine; h-happy, the way we are, not that it’s any of your business - you said as much, remember?”

“I did, but it is my business, now,” he contradicted, “it becomes my business when one of my companions tries to take their life, so-”

“T-Take their life? As in - As in suicide? Arthur, what - what are you-? But-” Her voice then failed her, and he would wince, realising she must think that maybe he’d lied to the others; that maybe you’d taken your life earlier, and she would never see you again, prompting her to shake her head hastily whilst tears began to stream down her cheek; she never thought that maybe she’d lose you like that, and the pain linked to the possibility of her never seeing you again was more excruciating than she had ever thought it could be. “No,” she whispered shakily, “A-Arthur, no, you - you said - you said Y/n was-”

“She’s fine, now,” he reassured hastily, “sorry, Miss O’Shea, I didn’t mean to suggest that she’d actually managed to-.. y’know.”

Molly then would allow a strained sob to escape her lips whilst her expression softened, and he would smile apologetically over at her, before awkwardly shuffling on the spot, and looking anywhere, but at her, until she spoke up again.

“I don’t know what I’d do without her, Arthur,” she admitted dejectedly, and he would nod gravely; he’d had similar fears after he and Mary had had to part ways, but his picture of her allowed him to feel as if he and her were still close together, though he’d never admit it to anyone, not even Dutch, Hosea, or Lenny. “Everything’s been-.. miserable,” she added, and he would nod again to show that he understood how she felt right now after whatever might have happened between you both to prompt you to try your hand at suicide, and she to seem like a shell of herself, as Mary-Beth previously suggested, and he now could see her to be, “w-wait, so, she-.. she tried to-.. b-because of me? I - I’m such an idiot, I-”

“Hey,” he interjected, “don’t start on yourself like that; you ain’t an idiot, and you didn’t know she’d try and do that after whatever it was that happened between you two.”

“Me and Y/n, we - we fought yesterday, and things haven’t been the same since,” she explained, and he would realise, “I-.. I never meant to hurt her like that, I swear; I - I just thought-.. I don’t know what I thought, now, I just miss her so much; I-.. I love her, Arthur.”

“I thought as much,” he replied, “but it ain’t of any concern to me, just - make sure you’re always keeping a low profile with Dutch, alright? I know it’s hard for you right now, but I don’t see any problem with it; you and Y/n are still my acquaintances, and somethin’ as stupid as love and relationships ain’t gonna change my mind about that.”

“Thank you, Arthur, that - that means a lot,” she responded, before managing a faint smile up at him, but it would soon fade shortly after she’d lowered her gaze again back down to her slightly shaky hands as a result of her shock over her mind being invaded by the possibility of her losing you, somehow, whilst her heart even seemed to still be aching despite her relief as a result of being reassured by Arthur that you were okay; that she had not lost you, though she’d feared that maybe she had as a result of his previous phrasing. Also, she couldn’t ignore the ache in her heart as a result of you not being there with her; that things hadn’t been resolved after the way they’d ended yesterday, and it was painful to remember the hurt look on your face that she’d noticed earlier once you’d both locked eyes for a moment after she’d briefly spoken to Dutch before he had rushed off to talk to Micah about his next plan regarding the gang’s future, and she hoped that maybe tomorrow - whilst Dutch and some of the others were out robbing the train the O’Driscolls had been targeting - she would be able to fix things with you, somehow; remind you of her never-ending feelings for you, as she knew she’d always love you, no matter what the future might hold for you both, she just wished you could remember whenever she reminded you of them.

“I can see this is still hurting you,” he observed, and Molly would frown, before nodding gravely; she didn’t dare respond verbally for fear of breaking down in front of him as she could tell that she was on the verge of doing so as a result of the overwhelming feelings that she was currently experiencing, “you should talk to Y/n; she misses you, I can tell she does, and the fact that she-.. y’know-.. went to such an extent as to-.. look, I ain’t good at these things, but - y’all are great together, and I don’t think you should let each other go, despite your situation, so - talk to her, as soon as you can, alright?”

“I’ll try, but - what if she doesn’t even wanna see me after earlier?” She inquired, and Arthur scoffed, before shaking his head.

“She wants to see you, Miss O’Shea, I can tell, though I ain’t one of those therapists, or some magical person who can read minds,” he insisted, “so don’t be scared, because the moment she notices you, she’ll be happy again, I know she will. Good luck, and don’t forget what I said about Dutch, and keeping a low profile.”

“Thanks again, Mr. Morgan,” she replied, and he would nod his head in response, humming quietly, before he left the room, and began to prepare himself for bed after the long day he’d had, whilst Molly - with newfound determination - would begin mixing the drug she had been using recently to get Dutch to sleep deeper, hoping that she’d be able to see you tonight, and therefore fix things before she could truly lose you.

🜚

Once Dutch had finally got to sleep, Molly wouldn’t hesitate to get up out of bed, before she quietly as well as hastily walked out of the shack, faltering upon noticing the stable a few paces away from her, prompting her to draw in a shaky breath, before she smiled softly, and would push herself to continue walking toward the building, hoping that tonight would be the night that you both could go back to being happy together again. It was when she heard crying behind the stable doors that she faltered, a pained expression on her face whilst she lingered by the door, before she opened it, and would frown when she noticed you curled up upon your blanket, crying into your right arm whilst you tried not to sob uncontrollably, until you heard the door open, and would allow a strained sob to escape your lips; you’d evidently been startled by Molly’s sudden appearance, until your gaze fell upon her, and you would forget how to breathe for a moment.

You would then pull yourself up off of the ground, leaning heavily against the stable door for a moment; you’d evidently been drinking for a little while, prompting her heart to sink even further; she couldn’t believe she’d driven you to try and take your life, and now to start drinking again after you’d both fought, and she had disappeared back into the shack after talking to Dutch.

“M-Molly-?” You strained out weakly, your voice barely audible, and she would falter upon hearing it, before allowing a faint sob to escape her, and then rushing up to you to embrace you, and you wouldn’t hesitate to cling to her whilst you both broke down within one another’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably whilst you revelled in the moment, clinging to each other as if your lives depended on holding each other the way that you were, now. “I - I’m so sorry,” you whispered shakily whilst you buried your face into the crook of her neck, and she would hastily shake her head, not wanting you to feel as if you had to apologise for the fight as she felt as if she were responsible for allowing it to go on the way it did, “I - I love you so much, Mol, I-.. I need you; I can’t do this without you - I - I still find myself falling asleep with you on my mind, a-and it - it hurts; hurts so much - p-please, don’t - don’t leave me; I have nothing without you; I am nothing without you, Miss O’Shea-”

“That’s not true, Y/n,” she contradicted, “you’re everything with, or without, me; you don’t need me to be everything - you know that, don’t ya?”

“No, I - I don’t,” you answered, “b-but that doesn’t matter, now, a-all that matters is that I love you, Molly, just-.. promise me something.”

“Anything,” she replied, “I - I’d do anything for you, Y/n - what do you want me to promise ya?”

“Promise - Promise me that - that you’ll-.. you’ll stay, just for tonight, if - if you don’t wanna see me again after today; I’d understand if you didn’t, I just - I don’t know-.. I don’t know what to do, or - or even think anymore-”

“Hey,” she cooed gently, before lifting her left hand up to your right cheek gently, prompting you to fall quiet, and instantly melt into her touch whilst you locked eyes with her blissfully, and couldn’t help, but admire her whilst more small tears began to cloud your vision; you couldn’t believe you’d fought with her again, and hated yourself for it - how could you fight with someone so perfect, and risk losing them; risk losing the only person who’d ever made you feel happier than you had ever been before? How could you hurt her the way you could tell you had? Her eyes were a little red, like your’s, excluding your wounded left eye which you could barely open after it had been scratched by one of the wolves that had recently ambushed you. “Why would you think that I wouldn’t wanna see you again after today?” She inquired, and you would frown, before bowing your head a little, and then begrudgingly escaping her embrace carefully without hurting her so you could walk up to Murphy, and pat at her neck using your right hand gently whilst she watched you, a pained expression on her face; to lose physical contact with you made her feel empty, and numb, whilst she longed to feel your arms around her again after you’d both not been able to embrace one another for a little while, now.

“T-The fight,” you began again faintly, and she would realise, before nodding gravely, and glancing down at the ground whilst you cursed yourself again for starting it the way you had; cursed yourself for allowing your jealousy to take over the way it had after you’d seen her and Dutch together again. “I thought-.. I thought you’d hate me, after-..” You admitted, and she would hastily shake her head, before closing the gap between you both again, wrapping her arms around your waist blissfully whilst she rested her head upon your right shoulder, and you would appear surprised, but you wouldn’t hesitate to melt into her embrace subconsciously, smiling softly whilst you rested the back of your head against her left shoulder.

“Y/n, you - you know I could never hate ya,” she cooed, “I love ya, and that’s never gonna change, I promise.”

You would then carefully turn around within her arms, before you smirked over at her, and would wrap your arms around her waist whilst you affectionately connected your forehead to her own blissfully, prompting her heart to skip a beat whilst she admired you again, and easily grew to be quite flustered whilst her cheeks began to warm up as a result of how close you both currently were together.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t fall in love with someone like me,” you reminded her, and she would wince, before shaking her head hastily, and then teasing you by brushing her lips against your own for a moment, prompting your heart to skip a beat alongside her’s whilst it began to race a little overwhelmingly in the best way possible.

“You know I didn’t mean that,” she replied, and you would raise your eyebrows whilst she pouted a little in response to your reaction, prompting you to giggle whilst you subconsciously raised your right hand up to her left cheek so you could feel her soft skin again, and even connect some of her freckles together using your thumb without even needing to look at them; you just knew where they were, now, though you liked to look at her freckles whenever you woke up before her, finding them, as well as her entire being, to be adorable. “How could I not fall in love with someone as beautiful as my beloved Y/n L/n?” She remarked, flustering you even further as you made to protest, believing yourself to be the opposite of what she saw you to be, but before you could even open your mouth to do so, she would delicately connect her lips to your own, before she then picked you up off of the ground, prompting you to giggle whilst she carried you over to your sheet and blanket, smiling lovingly down at you when she wasn’t kissing you, until she reached the sheet, and could carefully lower you down onto it, intending to make yesterday night, and today up to you to the best of her ability.

🜸🜚🜸

As soon as Dutch had left the next morning with Arthur, Micah, Bill, and Lenny to rob the train the O’Driscolls had previously been targeting, Molly would sneak out to find you, surprised, as well as elated to see you waiting outside for her timidly whilst you were anxiously fidgeting with your hands, evidently nervous to see her though she couldn’t imagine why; you - unbeknownst to her - were always afraid of disappointing her, somehow, knowing that you could never truly be good enough for her, no matter how much you longed to be exactly that for her, or maybe even more; she deserved someone who could be perfect for her, and no matter how much she tried to deny it, you knew that that wasn’t what you were, and most likely could never be what you were for her.

She then would falter in place when she noticed Mary-Beth walking up to check on you, surprised by the pang of jealousy she then experienced, but she would quickly lower her gaze, and act as if she were interested in one of the patterns on the dress you’d bought for her recently as a gift for her birthday, until you were alone again, and would make to distract yourself by cleaning the saddle you’d hung up upon one of the hitching posts outside to the left side of the barn’s entrance. Following her noticing that you were now stood with your back to her, Molly would smirk, before making to approach you again, and once she’d got close enough to do so, she would warily look around to check that the surroundings were clear, before she wrapped her arms around your waist, prompting you to jump a little, before your heart skipped a beat, and began to race again.

“Do you, or did you, now, miss me, Miss L/n?” She inquired, prompting you to grin whilst you subconsciously melted into her embrace, allowing your head to rest blissfully upon her left shoulder.

“You know very well that I did, Miss O’Shea,” you answered, before smirking up at her, and she would beam back down at you, before she then leaned down to delicately press her lips to your neck, prompting you to shudder a little, as well as to giggle softly in response to feeling her soft lips against it; her kisses were so light, but they still made you burst out so easily into fits of uncontrollable giggles. “Did you miss me?” You asked when you had managed to briefly recompose yourself, and she would then appear taken aback by the question, before opening her mouth to answer it, only to be interrupted by the sound of a door opening nearby, startling her, but to appease her you would then manage to ease her around the corner to keep her and you hidden whilst you gently pinned her to the wall, flustering her, as well as yourself whilst you both occasionally locked eyes longingly, but you knew that if either of you gave in to your feelings, and made any kind of noise whilst whoever had just come outside was talking to a companion, and could easily catch you both together - something you both feared regarding one another’s safety - as you knew that they could easily harass you if they found out about your and her secret relationship; you could easily lose one another if anyone else found out about you and her, and believed yourselves lucky to be supported by Arthur, somehow, though you’d previously believed he might not support you like you hoped he would the first time he revealed his suspicions regarding your and her seemingly ‘too close to be just best friends’ relationship.

“I heard from Miss Grimshaw that we might be moving down the mountain soon,” a familiar voice you could only assume belonging to Mary-Beth would sound out more clearly, and you would appear surprised, as well as a little disappointed; you’d been getting used to sneaking around with Molly here, and feared what changes a new camp might bring for you both, but you would try and hide this from her, hiding your face from her to the best of your ability whilst you seemed to begin blushing a little more profusely upon being reminded of the position you were both in, with no gaps left between you both in the best way possible. “To some clearing called Horseshoe Overlook,” she added, “hopefully you, John, and Jack settle down more there - do you think you will?”

“I mean I hope so, but - I don’t know what to do about John; he just ain’t interested in spending time with Jack,” you then realised that Mary-Beth must be talking to Abigail regarding John’s awkward and distant relationship with his - though possibly not biological son - Jack, after he’d briefly run off following Abigail’s giving birth to Jack. “I guess this is just-.. the way things are between them now,” she concluded dejectedly, “I’m glad to get out of this snow, anyway; it ain’t warm enough here, and I’m sick of bein’ cooped up within that shack all day.”

“I hear ya,” Mary-Beth corroborated, “it’s horrible; always too crowded, and it ain’t gonna be doin’ Mrs Adler any good to be stuck in there, either - some fresh air would do her some good; it would do all of us good.”

“I sure hope so,” Abigail expressed, and you would then express relief upon hearing another door shut - which one you couldn’t be sure, but your guess was that they’d gone into the smaller shack whilst Bill, Micah, and Lenny were out to continue their private conversation without any interruption by the other companions who hadn’t accompanied Dutch and the others to rob the O’Driscoll’s previously targeted train.

You then - begrudgingly - made to move away, but she would hastily shake her head, before wrapping her arms around your waist to keep you in place, surprising you, but you wouldn’t protest against her action, instead smirking over at her whilst you tilted your head partially, and wore a knowing expression on your face.

“D-Don’t move, yet,” she requested exasperatedly, and you would nod, before smiling lovingly over at her, and affectionately connecting your forehead to her own, prompting her heart to begin pounding whilst you both revelled in the blissful moment; revelled in being so close again whilst both of you began to feel warm and fuzzy all over again, your eyes glinting whenever they locked with her’s in the best way possible.

“You’re strong - you know that, don’t you?” You remarked, and she would appear taken aback, as well as flattered and further flustered by your compliment due to the unexpectedness of it.

“I’m not strong, you’re just weak, Miss L/n,” she teased, prompting you to pout over at her in response to her reaction, and she would have to try her best not to giggle, and give into your now one puppy eye due to your inability to properly open your left one after one of the ambushing wolves had scratched you across that side of the face, getting your eye alongside your cheek. “I also noticed you jumped earlier when I hugged you,” she reminded you, and you would wince, evidently embarrassed, before lowering your gaze hastily whilst she smirked over at you again, “are you afraid of me? Of your best friend in the entire world, Molly O’Shea?”

“Never,” you answered, before leaning forward to delicately connect your lips to her’s, and she would instantly melt into the kiss, smiling against your lips.

Once the kiss had sadly ended, you both would sport flustered as well as dazed expressions on your faces whilst you smiled lovingly, and admired one another, she lifting her left hand up to your right cheek, and you lifting your right hand up to her left one, whilst your free arms remained around one another to keep each other close, and to banish any of the remaining gaps that had been left between you.

“Good, because if you were, I’d have to punish ya, wouldn’t I?” She teased, and you would raise your eyebrows, before smirking over at her again, and then tilting your head partially whilst you inched even closer to her, somehow flustering her even more whilst she began to find it harder to breathe, but in a comforting way that made her feel as if she shouldn’t panic whilst she focused on you, and only you, her eyes glinting in the best way possible alongside your own.

“Is that a threat, Miss O’Shea?” You inquired, and she would grin mischievously, before pretending to think about your question for a moment as she knew what you were planning on doing, and she wanted to fluster you even more by making you wait for it for a brief moment, prompting you to pout again, and she to giggle whilst she lovingly booped the tip of your nose with her own to get you to start smiling again; she already missed your smile, though she found you to be adorable whenever you began to pout like you had a brief moment ago.

“Why? Do you want it to be?” She questioned, and you would vaguely shrug, before grinning up at her whilst you wrapped your arms around her waist again, prompting her heart to skip a beat whilst she subconsciously glanced down at your lips for a moment; they were so close again, and all she could think about was kissing you again.

“No, but - whatever you’re doing is working,” you remarked suggestively, “I’m terrified of you right now, and am even more scared of what you might do to me, now that you know that.”

“Really? ‘Cause I think you know what I’m gonna do, Miss L/n,” she replied, and you would feign knowledge regarding what the next moment might bring whilst you shook your head, and would try and appear puzzled, “you’re gonna hate it.”

“Why do I doubt that?” You responded, between the brief and blissful kisses that you both were currently sharing.

“I don’t know,” she answered, “maybe you will, maybe you won’t - let’s find out, shall we?”

“I’d like that,” you corroborated, and she would then beam over at you, glad, before she led you slowly- after checking around the corner to make sure that there were no other outside wanderers around - around the same aforementioned corner, and then disappeared hastily back into the stable with you, passionately kissing you briefly, before she closed the door behind her to give you both a little more privacy, until Dutch and the others had sadly returned, meaning you both had to part temporarily, until the early hours of the morning had finally come around again.

|

Once he’d returned, Dutch had confirmed his plans to begin moving down the mountain, instructing everyone to begin packing ready for their move the next day. You recalled how you and Molly briefly shared a worried glance; you weren’t sure how easy it would be to sneak around, now that you were going to be residing in some other place, but you knew you should try and provide comfort to her, so you would smile softly in her direction, prompting her heart to skip a beat, before she smiled timidly back at you, and would warily look over at Dutch to make sure that he’d not noticed, but he was already too immersed in his brief speech about resilience, and freedom, to pick up on your and her connection.

A few hours after that moment, Molly was making her way toward the stable, until she faltered upon hearing two voices within it, one belonging to Mary-Beth, and the other you. Her heart would then sink, before she bowed her head a little, though she wasn’t sure why she was jealous, and anxious regarding how you and Mary-Beth had been talking a lot recently, but before she could even begin to argue with herself over whether she should return to the shack in which she’d left Dutch deeply sleeping again, the stable door would begin to open, panicking her as she rushed over to the same wall she’d been hiding behind with you earlier.

Being here again seemed to prompt her to smile softly whilst she recalled the way in which you’d gently pinned her to the wall to avoid being seen by Mary-Beth and Abigail, and the way you had so delicately kissed her as if you viewed her to be a tender flower you were terrified of crushing, somehow, making her feel content again, as well as a little guilty for assuming that maybe you’d do something behind her back like cheat on her with Mary-Beth, as if she’d not briefly been in pain before following her hearing Mary-Beth’s voice alongside your own within the stable.

Once she’d heard the door to the shack in which she resided alongside most of the other gang members open, she would peek her head around the corner to make sure that she had gone, before she warily snuck around to the stable door, and would then timidly knock upon it, not wanting to surprise you by entering without making you aware of her presence. As soon as you opened the door, you couldn’t help, but beam over at her, evidently elated to see her again though you’d both already seen one another a few hours ago, now.

“M-Miss O’Shea-”

“Can I come in?” She requested, and you would falter, before nodding hastily, and stepping aside to allow her to enter the stable, before you closed the door whilst your heart seemed to sink a little, though you weren’t sure why; you had been taken aback by her reaction, and were evidently worried that maybe she was upset with you, for a reason unbeknownst to you, leaving you terrified that maybe you might lose her again, somehow, and this thought would prompt your heart to begin racing overwhelmingly, as well as excruciatingly whilst you warily watched her seeming to look around subconsciously as if she were searching for something incriminating, though you couldn’t imagine why; Mary-Beth had only come in to check on you after you’d disappeared with the intention of trying to take your life a couple of days ago, now, wanting to make sure that you were okay, now, especially due to how you were often alone within the stable - well, they (excluding Arthur) were being made to believe that you were, a lot of the time, when - whenever Molly was available - sometimes you weren’t, obviously unbeknownst to them.

“Hey,” you cooed, and she would then wince, before timidly looking over at you, “are - are you okay? You seem-”

“What, Y/n?” She interjected, unable to stop herself, and you would fall quiet, a pained expression on your face whilst you wondered what had happened to upset her the way it had, even cursing yourself quietly for whatever it was that you had done, prompting your heart to ache again whilst you puzzled quietly over whether you might have said something earlier that she might have disagreed with, and it frightened you even more to think that maybe something you’d done had hurt her, somehow, even prompting small tears to cloud your vision as you knew you’d never be able to forgive yourself if you ever ended up hurting her; you’d only ever wanted to make her happy; to make her feel special, and valued, the way she was, and had always; would always deserve to be treated, her new demeanour prompting you to begin doubting excruciatingly your ability to try and do such things for her, the way you had feared you couldn’t before, following the first ever time that you’d both shared a blissful kiss. “What do I seem like to you, right now? ‘Cause I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me; it’s you,” she continued, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did, and you would frown, a crestfallen expression on your face, before you bowed your head dejectedly; nothing had ever hurt so excruciatingly before, but you weren’t surprised by her revelation, due to how you’d often viewed yourself to be nothing, compared to her, and always feared that maybe you could never he good enough for her, “what’s going on between you and Mary-Beth? Tell me, and I might change my mind, but if you don’t tell me-.. well - you - you already know what’ll happen, don’t ya?”

You would then glance up at her, appearing taken aback by her question, before you hastily shook your head, and would timidly step closer to her, only prompting her to step back reluctantly, prompting your heart to sink again, before you faltered, and found your heart aching again excruciatingly within your chest.

“Mol, what - what are you talking about? What’s Mary-Beth got to do with anything?” You questioned, and she would frown when she noticed that you’d begun to cry, prompting her own heart to sink again alongside your own as she hated seeing you upset like you were, now, wishing she’d never brought her suspicions up as she knew that you’d never intentionally hurt her by doing something like that to her.

“I saw, and heard her in here, Y/n,” she clarified, “and I saw her talking to you earlier - why are you two so close, now, huh? What has she got that I haven’t? Am I not good enough for ya, or something? Not enough for ya-? What even am I to ya, Miss L/n? Because I’m not sure anymore.”

“Molly, you - you’re everything to me,” you expressed shakily, and she would falter, a pained expression on her face whilst it softened, and she began to feel guilty all over again for even thinking that you’d cheat on her like she’d feared you had, a brief moment ago, “Mary-Beth’s just a friend, I promise; I love you, Miss O’Shea-”

“Yeah, but - we used to be friends to be just friends, too,” she reminded you, and you couldn’t help, but smile softly over at her, before you timidly rubbed your right arm using your left hand, prompting her to tilt her head partially whilst she wondered for a moment what you might be thinking about; what you might be about to say, even feeling her heart beginning to race overwhelmingly as she could tell by the look on your face that you were about to say something that might end up easily flustering her somehow.

“Sure, we used to merely be friends, before, but,” you began again, before you inched closer to her again, and this time she found she couldn’t move away; couldn’t help, but admire you, and allow you to draw closer, after you’d both been separated for a little while ever since Dutch had returned from the train robbery he’d planned, “Mol, you - you’re so much more to me than that, now, and nobody could ever be as special to me the way that you are; you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Molly O’Shea, a-and I - I’m never gonna stop trying to prove that to you, u-until you - you decide you don’t want me anymore-”

“Hey,” she interjected gently, before wrapping her arms around your waist, and you wouldn’t hesitate to melt into her embrace whilst you returned the hug, and would subconsciously connect your forehead to her own whilst you admired her, and couldn’t help, but smile lovingly over at her, “there will never be a day that I wake up, and decide that I don’t want you anymore, I promise; I love you, too, Y/n, and that’s never gonna change, n-no matter what, you know that, right?”

“O-Of course I do,” you reassured her, and she would express relief, before smiling warmly back at you, glad, “it’s like I told you before; I remember everything that - that my beautiful beloved tells me, a-and I always will, just - promise me that you know - that you know I could never hurt you like that; I’d - I’d never be able to forgive myself; w-would never be able to even - even go on living if I-.. Molly-..”

A strained sob then slipped from your lips, and she would frown upon hearing it, before shaking her head, and then lifting her left hand up to your right cheek to try and provide comfort to you, prompting you to instantly melt into her touch whilst more tears began to stream down your cheeks again; it was painful to even think about waking up, and realising that she was no longer beside you, and you couldn’t let it happen - just couldn’t; you couldn’t lose her again, so you were determined not to, for as long as she still decided that she somehow wanted you, despite all that you had both already been through together over the years.

“Don’t cry, Y/n,” she cooed whilst she held you close to her, and you would cling to her whilst she rubbed your back soothingly with her right hand; she wished she could do more for you, “you’d never hurt me; I know you wouldn’t, so don’t ever worry about something like that, because I trust you, and I know everything about ya; I love you, Miss L/n.”

You couldn’t help, but smile softly whilst you buried your face into the crook of her neck, and she would smile lovingly alongside you whilst she lifted her right hand a little to blissfully entangle her fingers within your hair.

“I - I’m glad, because - I love you, too, Miss O’Shea,” you returned, your voice briefly trembling whilst you continued to try and recompose yourself after you’d broken down a brief moment ago, “I always have, a-and I always will, I promise; I - I swear it on my own life-”

“None of that,” she whined, before holding you at arms length, surprising you as you began to feel empty upon the loss of warmth you had experienced being so close to her previously, and it would even prompt your heart to sink to have gaps between you both again, but the pain would instantly fade away when your eyes locked with her’s in the best way possible, prompting your heart to skip a beat, and you to smile faintly whilst you admired her blissfully, “I don’t wanna lose ya, Y/n-”

“You won’t lose me, I promise,” you reassured hastily, not wanting her to think that she would, especially depending on your feelings, “because - the only thing I’m certain of now is the fact that I love you; t-the fact that I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, and maybe even whatever comes after that if - if we can still be together, but if we can’t, I’d reject whatever afterlife I’m given, because I only wanna be with you, Mol, and that’s never gonna change, n-no matter what the future holds for us.”

Molly then found she couldn’t hold it back anymore as she began to cry quietly, prompting your heart to sink, and expression to soften whilst you shook your head, and would try and provide comfort to her by affectionately connecting your forehead to her own, before you lifted your right hand up to her left cheek to delicately brush away her tears, and smile lovingly over at her whilst she clung to you, and gradually begun to recompose herself.

“W-What did I do to deserve you, Y/n?” She inquired, her voice close to a shaky whisper, and you would appear taken aback by her question.

“I should be the one asking what I did to deserve someone as perfect as you,” you answered, and she would frown, before hastily shaking her head whilst she wondered why you kept putting yourself down, wishing again that she could do more to show you how perfect you were, and always would be, in her eyes, scar and all. “Molly, you - you’re everything, and I’m-”

“Perfect,” she interjected, prompting you to falter, and fall quiet whilst you locked eyes with her in the best way possible, “t-the most beautiful, caring, funny, talented, and bravest woman I’ve ever met, and that’s never gonna change; I will never stop trying to prove that that is what you are to me, Y/n; you’re everything to me, and do ya remember what I told you before - a few days ago - about what I’d have to do to you if you ever started believing that you’re not good enough for me again?”

You then couldn’t help, but grin toothily over at her whilst you recalled the very day she was referring to, prompting your heart to skip a beat whilst you recalled the way she’d run her hand down your chest, and stomach, before you were both interrupted by Dutch, Arthur, and Micah’s return to the camp after they’d gone out looking for a food source, John, and had had to take on a few O’Driscolls that had settled down in the nearby area, prompting you both to have to briefly part ways for the night the way you had, just to avoid them suspecting either of you, therefore protecting one another from possibly being harassed for your homosexuality, as well as the possibility of either of you having to come face to face with the noose.

“I might remember - if you remind me, maybe, of what it is that you’re planning on doing to me for my crime,” you bargained, and she would smirk, before raising her eyebrows a little, and easing your body even closer to her own to close the gaps between you both, as well as fluster you whilst you timidly glanced up at her, blood rushing to your cheeks instantly in response to her action.

“I’d love to, Miss L/n,” she replied, before leaning closer to you so her lips could be dangerously close to brushing against your own, prompting you to have to fight back a whimper whilst you silently begged her to kiss you, desperate to feel her lips against your own again though you’d both recently kissed a little earlier in the day whilst Dutch and a few of the others had been out robbing the O’Driscolls previously targeted train. “With pleasure,” she added, before she finally connected her lips to your’s delicately, and you would instantly melt into the kiss, before she picked you up off of the ground, prompting you to giggle, and cling to her shoulders whilst she carried you over to your sheet, kissing you again a little more passionately once she’d recovered from her own giggling fit, before she lowered you carefully down onto it, and would then clumsily straddle you, prompting you both to laugh again as you knew you must look funny the way you were currently positioned, before she’d stabilised herself, and would then continue to kiss you deeply, as well as still gently, until she finally felt confident enough to make the first move.

🜸🜚🜸

Originally, you’d both travelled down alongside the others to Horseshoe Overlook with hopeful hearts; you thought maybe it would remain to be easy for you both to continue sneaking around together, but it seemed to be slightly harder now, and a tad bit more risky; you’d have to travel a little further away just to go on meeting one another the way you would up in the mountains. The clearing, and higher rate of civilisation around it, only posed more risk of you both being caught together, somehow, and therefore the risk of you being hung for being two women romantically involved, something you thought that maybe they’d never agree with, no matter how many years might pass; how many you and Molly might see through together without being excruciatingly parted from one another.

The thought of losing her again would prompt you to tense up, and wince whilst your heart began to ache overwhelmingly; you were terrified to think of a world in which you’d never be able to hear her voice again; couldn’t even fathom what it would be like to never even hold her, or have your gaze blissfully fall upon her, but the universe seemed to also be against you both being together, as things soon seemed to go wrong again, and so painfully quickly that you feared you might never be able to truly recover from the upcoming events. They started with you witnessing Molly and Dutch kissing, though you knew it was meant to be something you’d got used to already, with them officially being together, now, and you just her supposed beloved side piece, no matter how much she might insist that Dutch was the one who was the side piece in the matter; you’d never be able to believe otherwise, not anymore; you’d stopped believing ever since you’d joined the gang after being encouraged to by her, and sometimes you wished that you’d never made such a fateful decision, especially after days like today.

You were leaning against Murphy’s hitching post, when you timidly looked over at Dutch’s and Molly’s tent; you’d heard Molly’s voice, and as usual it prompted your heart to skip a beat, and you to smile softly whilst you subconsciously admired her upon noticing that she’d left the tent to strike up a conversation with Dutch. As this was more of an open area, she guessed she should do so to avoid suspicion being struck up again like it had regarding Arthur, and his now awareness of your and her situation, but she’d never thought that she would have to do so quite as often as she was having to, with Dutch being around camp more, now.

Knowing that you were watching, she was trying to be careful, afraid of hurting you again, but he had been the one to begin flirting with her the way he had, only making things harder for her to control as she knew that him flirting with her meant that she should return the favour, in the eyes of the others, and that was when he turned to face her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and then leaned forward to connect his lips to her’s, and of course she couldn’t pull away, reminding herself of what might happen to you if you both were exposed for being the way that you always had, and always would be, so she fought back the urge to escape his embrace, instead returning it, and pretending to melt into the kiss, but it looked real enough to you.

As soon as they’d kissed, you began to feel numb again, your heart sinking, and aching excruciatingly whilst you faltered in place, and would find yourself feeling lost again, though you knew that - with them being together - they would eventually kiss again, with or without you there to witness it happening. Once it had ended, you would hastily bow your head, not wanting her to look over - though you doubted why she’d even bother doing so - and see that you were trying not to cry, not wanting to hurt her by having her see that you were in pain as a result of what had just taken place between she and him.

“You alright there, Y/n?” You would wince, before hastily wiping your invading tears away before Arthur could notice your change in demeanour, and question it again, despite his knowing about you and Molly, now.

“Sure,” you claimed, avoiding eye contact with him to the best of your ability whilst you also occasionally bowed your head whenever you felt more small tears beginning to cloud your vision, having to bite down on your tongue slightly to try and avoid having your voice tremble no matter how much it seemed to long to whilst you were verging on breaking down again, “why - why wouldn’t I be?”

“You look lonely over here, that’s all,” he explained, and you would scoff, before turning to face Murphy, prompting her to whinny gently whilst you pat at her neck using your right hand, and scratched at her ear as you knew she liked you to do so, especially whenever she was bored, and having to be tied to this post whenever you both weren’t riding out of the camp quietly with Molly, often only just managing to get passed whoever was on duty guarding the camp each time.

“Well I’m not - I have Murphy, don’t I?” You reminded him, and he would appear embarrassed for a moment, glad that you weren’t currently facing him, before he cleared his throat awkwardly in response to your contradiction.

“Still; you could surely do with getting some more fresh air with the others, couldn’t you?” He pried, and you would roll your eyes, before turning to face him again whilst you crossed your arms impatiently, and would appear skeptical of what he might be getting at.

“What do you want from me, Arthur?” You questioned, and he would wince; he could tell you weren’t in a great mood, and knew then that you’d probably refuse his upcoming suggestion, though he’d been hoping that maybe he’d be able to keep you distracted for a while as he could easily infer that you had been struggling a lot more recently due to you often noticing Molly and Dutch together, more than you had up in the Grizzly Mountains. He also knew that getting you out of camp for a little while would further protect you from Susan; she’d still been bugging you recently again for not doing much around camp away from where Dutch might be able to see her doing so as she knew that either he or Molly would try and dissuade her from you if they caught her having a go at you again.

“Nothin’,” he answered simply, “I just thought maybe you’d wanna join me, Uncle, and some of the others on a trip up to Valentine, a town near here; it could do you some good bein’ out for a little while, don’t you think?”

You would scoff, before shaking your head gravely; nothing, but Molly, could restore you whenever you found yourself in pain, like you were, now, as a result of you being an unlucky nothing witness to her and Dutch’s previous kiss.

“Maybe some other time, but-.. I can’t, today,” you uttered, and he would nod gravely; he’d been expecting an answer like that from you, and he would sigh heavily after you’d turned away from him again to distract yourself with Murphy to the best of your ability.

“Look, Y/n, you - you know Molly loves you, don’t you?” He began again, and you would falter upon hearing the question, before you warily looked back at him.

“How did you-”

“It was obvious, really,” he remarked, and you would frown, before nodding gravely whilst you lowered your gaze again, and wondered again why the smallest of things kept hurting you the way that they were, recently, “I didn’t need Molly to tell me the night you disappeared again.”

“Wait, she - she told you?” You mused, and he would nod, before shrugging; he didn’t think it to be a big deal, especially when he wasn’t the harassing kind of type when it came down to situations like these.

“Sure, she told me,” he repeated, “why? It ain’t a problem; you know I ain’t one of those people who’d think bad things about people like you and Molly - I don’t see anything wrong with it; love’s just some stupid thing you get sidetracked by, anyway, so why should it concern me enough to make me want to make anyone suffer anymore than they’re already being made to?”

“Love only makes you suffer when the person you’re in love with makes you feel like you mean nothing to them,” you murmured dejectedly, and he would nod gravely, before looking away from you for a moment as if what you’d said had reminded him of his own experience with Mary, prompting you to wince, before you hastily shook your head, “sorry, Arthur, I didn’t mean-”

“I know what you meant, Y/n,” he reassured, before smiling faintly over at you, “but you know it ain’t like that, don’t you? Molly could never intentionally hurt you like that-”

“Y/n-?” You would falter, a pained expression on your face following you hearing her voice again, and he would fall quiet, before awkwardly smiling over at her, and tipping his hat a little to greet her.

“Miss O’Shea,” you managed, your voice close to a whisper, and she would frown, wondering why you were trying to hide your face from her.

“I’ll leave y’all to it; Uncle’s probably getting impatient to get movin’, so - I’ll see you both in a bit and check on you, alright?” He concluded, before rushing off back to the wagon before Uncle could give him an earful, keeping him and the ladies (Karen, Mary-Beth, and Tilly) waiting for him to join them.

“Y-Y/n, I-”

“I think I’m gonna try out hunting,” you decided, and she would falter, a pained expression on her face whilst she watched you unhitching Murphy, your hands shaking a little whilst you did, prompting her heart to sink, before she gently held your hands within her own in an attempt to try and provide comfort to you, and you would appear a little more relaxed, your hands instantly ceasing to shake as soon as they were immersed within her warmth.

“Talk to me,” she cooed, her voice briefly trembling, and you would frown, before glancing up at her whilst she silently begged you to stay, “Y/n-”

“T-There’s nothing to talk about,” you interjected in a strained manner, before forcing yourself to remove your hands from her own, prompting her to appear crestfallen upon losing physical contact with you so soon, “I - I’ll be back later, okay?”

“But-”

“Just - go back to Dutch before he starts thinking I mean anything more to you,” you uttered, before climbing up onto Murphy’s saddle, and she would shake her head hastily, desperate to try and stop you from leaving like this as she could tell, now, that you must have seen them kissing earlier.

“Y-Y/n, no, please,” she begged feebly, “stay, I - I love you, I-”

“I don’t need you to lie to me anymore,” you interjected, “Mol, n-nobody’s ever wanted me; my parents didn’t even want me; I guess I should have realised that this was all just too good to be true, right?”

“No, Y/n, that - that’s not-”

“Have a nice life, Mol,” you strained out, before you eased Murphy into a gallop before she could try and stop you; you didn’t want to break down in front of her again, knowing you’d hurt her even more if you did, and you knew that you’d never be able to forgive yourself by doing so, though you already knew you’d forever hate yourself for reacting the way you had, especially after you’d begun to come to your senses after a little while, but of course you always seemed to do so when it was far too late to take back what had already been said and done.

🜚

Once you’d got back to the camp, you were greeted by Arthur and Susan rushing up to you, whilst Dutch hesitated, before following behind them, Molly warily watching, and seeming to examine you from afar with a pained expression on her face to make sure that you were okay; make sure that you hadn’t returned wounded, but as soon as you locked eyes with her, she would falter, appearing to be stuck in place for a moment whilst she admired you, before she forced herself to bow her head, and would disappear back into the tent as she didn’t want to break down in front of you and the others, especially when she could tell that she was verging on doing so.

As soon as she’d disappeared, your heart would sink, whilst small tears began to cloud your vision again; you couldn’t believe you’d messed up with her all over again. You then bowed your head whilst you bit down on your bottom lip in an attempt to try and stop it from shaking, somehow; you couldn’t stand being so far away from her, and knowing that you’d left things the way you had, leaving you feeling numb inside, and as if you’d lost everything now that you knew she’d probably never forgive you for the way you’d treated her earlier, prompting you to curse yourself internally, not even jumping when Susan raised a shotgun to you, whilst Arthur and Dutch shouted for her to lower it.

“Where’d you go without telling anyone, huh?” She questioned, before having Arthur grab hold of the gun, and would pry it from Susan before she could shoot you down off of Murphy for leaving so unexpectedly earlier the way you had.

“Lay off her, would you?” Arthur commanded, and Susan would appear shocked, scowling over at him whilst she shook her head subconsciously.

“Sometimes I can’t quite believe you, Mr. Morgan,” she retorted, before storming off to go and find someone else she could pick on.

“What the hell were you thinking, Y/n?” He questioned gruffly, and you would simply shrug, before bowing your head a little whilst you stared down at the reins of Murphy’s bridle, before you glanced over at the wild flowers in your right hand that you had picked for Molly, hoping she’d accept them for your previous behaviour earlier, though you doubted that she would, now, prompting you to frown, whilst your heart began to ache overwhelmingly; you’d never do anything right, of that fact you were certain, now.

“I - I don’t know what to think, anymore,” you admitted weakly, your voice briefly trembling whilst you did, before you scoffed, and silently cursed yourself again for being so weak, hastily lifting your free left hand up to try and rid yourself of the tears that had managed to escape your eyes again, “I never did-”

“There she is!” Dutch greeted once he’d reached you both, and you would tense up, before silently grimacing down at your hands again; you knew you couldn’t openly oppose him for fear of what might happen to you and Molly if you tried, no matter how much you longed to let him know exactly what you thought of him. “Where’ve you been, Miss L/n? We’ve all been worried sick about you; Miss O’Shea’s not even said a word to me ever since you left,” he stated, and you would falter, appearing surprised, as well as a little hopeful whilst you looked over at him, “do you need us to get you anything, or are you okay, now?”

“I’m fine, now; I’ll live,” you managed, before dismounting Murphy, and leading her over to the hitching post whilst Dutch and Arthur curiously watched you, before Dutch began again.

“That’s good to hear - well, welcome back anyway, and make sure next time that you let one of us know where it is that you’re going, alright?” He advised, and you would nod begrudgingly whilst you leaned heavily against the hitching post, before he walked back to his and Molly’s tent to share the good news that you’d returned with Molly as he hadn’t noticed her peeking out of the tent a brief moment ago following your sudden as well as a tad unexpected return, and therefore assumed that she didn’t yet know about it, when she did already know, unbeknownst to him, and would express relief again following his informing her of your return, and upon him asking her if she’d like to see you, she would falter, and hastily try and come up with an excuse, eventually coming to the conclusion that she was currently not feeling well, and was afraid of making you feel the same way, and surprisingly he seemed to believe her, relieving her even more as she’d feared that maybe he would begin suspecting you both for the way in which she seemed to be trying to distance herself from you after what had taken place earlier, no matter how much it pained her excruciatingly to leave gaps between you both again.

“You can be a real idiot sometimes, you know that?” Arthur remarked, and you would grunt, before hitching Murphy up again so you could begin to brush her to try and hide from him the pain you were currently in, though he could already tell that there was something wrong, and had guessed that something had happened between you and Molly after he’d heard from her that you had run off on Murphy. “Me and Charles, we went out lookin’ for you,” he stated, and you would wince, before reluctantly putting the brush away, and then turning to face him whilst you subconsciously tried to hide the wild flowers that you had picked for Molly.

“Yeah, well, it’s not like you had to; I only went out hunting,” you retorted, and he would raise his eyebrows, before tilting his head partially after he’d looked over at Murphy to find no animal corpses stashed upon it; you hadn’t even caught any smaller animals that you could stash within your satchel, or hang upon the side of her saddle.

“It don’t even look like you tried to catch anything,” he remarked, and you would then tense up, before lowering your gaze hastily, “what are you hiding in your right hand, Y/n? Did you catch a damn rodent, or somethin’?”

“It’s none of your business, so why should I show you?” You questioned him, and he would grimace, before making to step closer to you, and you would appear startled; he still had your gun, so you couldn’t keep him back without it, and this would prompt you to hastily reveal the flowers you’d picked, and he would appear surprised.

“Ah, I see; you went out hunting for flowers, and not animals,” he stated, and you would - appearing embarrassed - then bow your head partially again as you had tried to hunt something like they would, but of course you had to go and miserably fail, proving yourself to be what you believed yourself to be: a nothing coward who couldn’t even provide for the gang you live within, as well as Molly who you always seemed to mess up with ever since she officially got together with Dutch.

“I-.. I wanted to make it up to Molly, somehow,” you admitted dejectedly, “but-.. I don’t think she wants anything to do with me anymore, s-so-.. I guess.. if anyone wants them-”

“What? You’re just giving up?” He interjected, and you would frown, before nodding gravely, and awkwardly shuffling on the spot. “You really are pathetic, if you think that what you both have between you ain’t something you should try and hold onto,” he remarked, and you would bow your head again whilst you shrugged, feeling emptier and more lost than you had ever felt before now that it had begun to feel as if you truly were losing her, this time.

“She’s probably better off without someone like me, anyway,” you mused, before glancing down at the flowers again, “you - you should have seen the look on her face; she hates me-”

“She doesn’t hate you, Y/n,” he contradicted, “she could never hate you; she loves you - she’s just upset, after earlier; she told me what happened - maybe you both should try and talk later; try and fix things before it’s too late for you to.”

You would think about it for a moment, before you nodded slowly, evidently nervous; you were terrified of what she might think of you, now, and were fearful of how she might react to your presence after you’d reacted the way you had to her and Dutch kissing earlier.

“I - I guess I could try,” you decided, and Arthur would nod, glad that you were doing the right thing, “thank you, Arthur.”

“Don’t mention it,” he replied, before making to walk away, “see you around, and keep out of trouble, okay?”

“Sure,” you responded begrudgingly, before you warily looked toward Molly and Dutch’s tent again, and would draw in a shaky breath, before you slowly began to walk toward it, Murphy grazing whilst you did, recovering from the previous ride you’d both recently returned from. Once you got close enough to do so, you would set down the flowers you’d picked for her to the left side of the tent, before you lingered for a moment, a pained expression on your face; you were desperate to see her again; desperate to hear her voice again, and that was when you could hear that they were laughing within the tent, prompting your heart to sink, before you nodded gravely, not sure what else you had been expecting to hear whilst you dragged yourself away, making to return to Murphy, until Karen, Mary-Beth, and Uncle stopped you.

“You ain’t gonna be over there with the horses all night, are you?” Karen began, and you would wince, before hesitantly turning to face her; she was sitting with Mary-Beth and Uncle by a lit campfire; it had been growing to be quite dark for a little while, now, even before you had returned from your unexpected outing.

“I don’t know; it doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me,” you answered, and she would scoff, before getting up, prompting you to tense up whilst she walked up to you, “w-why’re you asking, anyway?”

“Because you look lonely, and I think you could do with a drink,” she answered, “could you?”

You would think about it for a moment, before you warily looked toward both Mary-Beth and Uncle who were also encouraging you to join them, whilst Uncle held up a spare bottle of beer for you.

“I-.. I guess it couldn’t hurt,” you decided, before forcing a smile over at Karen, who would beam victoriously, glad that she’d managed to convince you to join them as Mary-Beth had recently confessed to her that she’d begun to develop feelings for you, prompting her to begin trying to put together a plan to get you both together, somehow, as she was unaware of your and Molly’s secret relationship, or what used to be her and your secret relationship, now that you’d messed everything up with her again.

“Damn right it won’t,” she agreed whilst she led you over to the campfire, “come on; we’ve got a few beers left with each of our names on ‘em, and I got a feeling they ain’t gonna be waiting much longer, especially not with Uncle around.”

|

It didn’t take you too long to get drunker than you should be, after you’d recently made a vow to never drink as much as you used to, and you now wished you’d never allowed the beer, as well as your soft conscience to encourage you to join them the way it had, but you couldn’t take back your choice, now.

“Who wants to play a fun game?” Karen suggested, her voice a little slurred; she was evidently drunk alongside you, and Uncle who was already half asleep.

“I’m up for it,” Mary-Beth chimed, before she timidly looked over at you, “Y/n? W-Would you maybe join us, or-?”

“I don’t know,” you answered, before warily looking around as you could feel that someone was watching you, though you weren’t sure why, and were a little more disorientated than usual, “it’s getting late-”

Karen scoffed, before shaking her head, and taking out another bottle of beer.

“It ain’t late enough,” she contradicted, “come on, Y/n, don’t be a party-pooper, and join us - here, maybe you need one more of these?”

She would then offer you the beer, and you would hesitate, a pained expression on your face whilst you thought back to Molly, prompting your heart to begin aching again, to the point that the pain was excruciating enough for you to shrug, before nodding, and accepting the beer bottle from her; it was the only way to numb yourself right now, though it never seemed to rid you of the pain that you were currently experiencing. Only Molly could rid you of the pain, but you doubted now that she’d ever wanna talk to you again after what you’d said and done earlier, leaving you feeling emptier than you ever had before, so why shouldn’t you have another beer, and hope that maybe it would kill you sooner rather than later? There was no point in you living anymore, now that you’d ruined everything with Molly again.

“Sure, why - why not?” You replied, prompting Karen to cheer, before she took out another bottle for herself, and would begin thinking up some bets she could make that would be entertaining.

“Okay, so,” she began, “I’m gonna make a bet that might surprise you guys, but you have to do it, otherwise I’m gonna have to go around and call you chickens for the rest of the night, and probably for the whole day tomorrow, so - if you value your honour, you’ll do as I say, how does that sound?”

Mary-Beth would appear wary for a moment, before she glanced over at you, wanting to do whatever you were planning on doing.

“It doesn’t sound bad to me at all,” you remarked, “I mean - I have nothing left to lose, anyway, so-..”

“Good,” Karen chimed in response, before she looked over at Mary-Beth who would then smile timidly back at her, “are you up for it too, Mary-Beth? Or are you scared of what little old me might come up with?”

“I’m up for anything, a-as long as Y/n is involved,” she stated, and you would appear surprised, before looking over at her skeptically, and she would then wince, before adding hastily: “I’d rather not participate alone, so-.. y’know. A-Anyway, what’s the bet?”

“Okay, so: I bet you both couldn’t kiss without never wanting to talk to each other again after you do - prove me wrong,” she revealed, and you would tense up, a pained expression on your face, before you bowed your head a little whilst Mary-Beth would appear flustered for a moment, stammering quietly, before she glanced timidly over at you.

“Y-Y/n?” She cooed gently, and you would wince, before glancing up at her after you’d quickly wiped away the tears that had managed to cloud your vision again; this felt wrong, so wrong, and you were terrified of what Molly might think if she saw you and Mary-Beth together, until you reminded yourself of how you’d witnessed earlier her kissing Dutch, prompting your heart to sink, and you to have to try and fight back a grimace. “Are you okay-? L-Look, if you, - if you don’t wanna do it-”

“Don’t try and dissuade her, Mary-Beth, she’s gotta do it - like I said earlier, your reputations are on the line if you don’t do what I say,” Karen reminded you both, and you would force yourself to nod, before you got up, and then crouched down before Mary-Beth whilst you reluctantly lifted your right hand up to her left cheek whilst she would begin to blush faintly, finding she couldn’t breathe for a moment whilst she admired you, and wondered if you could hear her heart pounding overwhelmingly within her chest.

“I - I ain’t scared of anything anymore,” you claimed, though there was still something you were terrified of, and that was the possibility that you might never win Molly back, now that you’d messed things up with her again due to your stupid bouts of jealousy despite you knowing that she was just doing all that she was doing with Dutch to protect you both from being harassed, or even hung; painfully being torn away from each other, somehow, one way or another, just because of your true sexualities, and the homophobic views often shared at the time. “Do you want me to do this, or-?” You inquired, not wanting to kiss her without her permission, and Mary-Beth would find herself stammering a little, her voice barely audible, before she nodded hastily, and you would manage a faint smile, before hesitantly leaning even closer to her, until you could delicately connect your lips to her own, prompting her heart to skip a beat, before she melted into the kiss, and you would have to try and stop yourself from pulling away no matter how wrong it felt to be kissing her the way you were, now, instead of Molly, prompting guilt to flood your already broken heart, but you would try and hide it from them to the best of your ability, worried about what they, especially Mary-Beth, might think if she noticed the crestfallen expression that wanted to cross your face whilst you felt as if you’d betrayed Molly, no matter how small and light the kiss had been.

“T-That was-” Mary-Beth began quietly, before she would falter upon hearing Molly’s voice nearby, and that was when she noticed that Molly was storming up to the campfire, a hurt look on her face, worrying her as she wondered why Molly might be mad at you both for kissing the way you had as she was still unaware of your and her secret relationship, like all the other members of the gang, except Arthur, of course.

“Get away from her, or I swear I’ll-”

“Woah, Molly, take it easy,” Arthur interjected whilst he rushed up to her, and managed to hold her back before she could get any closer to you and Mary-Beth.

“Let me go, Arthur,” she demanded, but he wouldn’t let go, knowing that he had to try and get her to calm down, somehow, before she could lash out at either you or her.

“I think you should get some sleep, Miss O’Shea; it’s been a long day,” he advised, before looking over at you, evidently disappointed to see that you’d let yourself go so easily, allowing yourself to kiss Mary-Beth despite your commitments to Molly, though you didn’t think she’d care like she evidently did, after you’d seen and her Dutch kissing earlier, “and you - you better sleep off the alcohol, before you get into any more trouble, alright?”

He then made to lead Molly back toward her and Dutch’s tent whilst Dutch - already asleep - was unconscious within it; she’d used the drug on him again as she’d been planning on trying to fix things between you both somehow, especially when she’d noticed the flowers that you had left for her, until she had caught you and Mary-Beth kissing, prompting her to begin feeling empty the way you had earlier, whilst it felt as if things had begun to collapse within her excruciatingly; she never thought you’d do something like that to her, and wished now that she’d never begun to trust you so heavily; wished she had never fallen in love with you the way she had, just to find herself in excruciating pain following your kissing Mary-Beth as if she didn’t mean anything to you anymore just because of what had occurred between you both earlier.

“I hate you, Y/n!” She cried shakily, whilst Arthur dragged her back toward her and Dutch’s tent. “I will never forgive you for this, never!” She added, before they both disappeared into the tent, and you began to feel lost again whilst your heart ached excruciatingly alongside her own; she’d never said such things to you before, but you couldn’t blame her - how could you, after you’d allowed yourself to kiss Mary-Beth following your reminding yourself of how you’d had to witness Molly and Dutch kissing a few hours ago, now.

Mary-Beth then began to appear worried all of a sudden; her eyes wide, and glistening a little whilst she looked over at you, not sure what to think, now, following Molly’s suspicious reaction to your and her kiss.

“Y-Y/n, what - what was she talking about? Why would she react like that?” She questioned, and you would frown, before glancing up at her again with a guilty expression on your face, prompting her to falter, before she shook her head, and would then get up off of the ground to storm off back to her shelter; she couldn’t believe she’d never thought about why you and Molly seemed so close, before, and cursed herself for being so oblivious, resulting in her heart beginning to ache the way that it overwhelmingly was as a result of you basically lying to her the way that you had, making her think that maybe she’d have a chance with you, though you were already sneaking around - or had been, now - with Molly.

“Wait a minute - Y/n, are - are you-? Have you and Molly been-?” Karen questioned, evidently surprised as she hadn’t been expecting this from you, and it wasn’t because of your sexuality at all, but more because of how it was something she’d never picked up on before; she had never suspected that you and Molly were any closer than you made out to be, especially due to how Molly had been making out to be smitten with Dutch ever since they’d got together, even before she had brought you to them, and they had welcomed you into the gang.

“Not anymore,” you murmured dejectedly, and she would frown, feeling bad for bringing it up, before she winced, and remembered what Mary-Beth had recently told her, worrying her as she got up off of the ground.

“I - I better check on Mary-Beth,” she mused, and you would nod gravely, before bowing your head a little, “you should have told us before, you know that, right? She loves you; she told me, and you had to go and act like you ain’t already with someone-”

“That’s because I don’t even know what me and Molly are, anymore,” you interjected feebly, “you heard her, Karen, she hates me-”

“Yeah, well, maybe she should - see you around, maybe,” she interrupted, and you would nod gravely, before bowing your head again once she’d walked off, leaving you alone with a now snoring Uncle; she was right, you knew that, now, and hoped that - now Molly seemed to truly not want you anymore - you would stop being a burden on her, but despite you sporting this assumption, you would be surprised to find her - the next night - catching you before you could fall again following her catching you trying to take your life again after you’d drunk more than you should, leaving you feeling empty, and as if you had nothing left within you, not without Molly by your side, driving you to feel as if you should try and end everything again, for the sake of Molly, Murphy, and the others, and you would have done it this time, if you didn’t feel her arms around you when you did.

~-~

The next night, whilst everyone seemed to be busy scolding or praising Arthur for his involvement within the fight that Bill started up in Valentine, you would sneak out again to pick more wild flowers for Molly, though you doubted she’d accept them, this time, but you still wanted to leave them for her as a parting gift before you could try and take your life again. You even tied a note to them, and whilst you had been writing it, you couldn’t help, but allow small tears to leak from your eyes, and it wasn’t long before your shattered heart had begun to ache excruciatingly again.

Once you’d finished tying the flowers and note together, you warily walked up to her and Dutch’s tent, before you laid them down the same place you had last time, trying to ignore the fact that you could hear them both laughing again, but you were glad - at least - that you thought she was happy, before you lingered for a moment, a pained expression on your face; you just wished you could see her again; wished you could pour all that now remained of your heart out to her, but it was too late, now, and you guessed you just had to try and accept that as you began to drag yourself away from the tent whilst tears began to stream down your cheeks endlessly again.

“Hey.” You would falter upon hearing Arthur’s voice, before you winced, and looked back at him whilst you pat Murphy’s neck gently. “Are you off flower-hunting again? It’s probably for the best if you are, seeing as you’ve already had a few drinks recently,” he recommended, and you would frown, before nodding gravely, and pulling yourself up onto Murphy’s saddle.

“Sure, Arthur,” you replied, and he would appear concerned for you, as well as skeptical as he could tell that you were still struggling, and wondered if he should maybe try and stop you from leaving, not trusting you to keep yourself safe in the state that you currently were in.

“Maybe I should come with you, make sure that you’re alright, before you come back wounded, or somethin’-”

“I’m fine out on my own,” you interjected, “but thanks, I appreciate it.”

You then encouraged Murphy to begin trotting away from him before he could further question you, or try and follow you; you couldn’t let your plan fail, this time, wanting to keep both Molly and Murphy happy - something you thought you knew they would be, without you, until she’d found the flowers you’d left her, and had been notified of your leaving by Arthur, panicking her as she hated to think of how you could easily get hurt, or try and hurt yourself whenever you were travelling outside of the camp alone, and as soon as she read the note that you had left with the flowers, it began to grow clear to her what you were planning on doing, and she couldn’t let it happen; she couldn’t lose you again.

🜚

Though Dutch had seemed skeptical at first regarding Molly wanting to go out and find you with Arthur, he knew how close you both were (well, he thought he did), so he begrudgingly decided to let her go with him, not wanting to fight with her regarding the matter, allowing her to rush after him once she’d recovered the flowers and note again away from his prying gaze, but it didn’t take them both too long to realise that they’d need more help, if they wanted to find you before it was too late for them to do so, as you were already halfway across the nearest train-track, not too far from Valentine, walking slowly over it whilst you waited for a train to come, or to reach the middle, determined that today would be the day that your plan finally worked, whether you needed a train to hit you, or not.

It was when you’d finally got half way that someone had shouted out something inaudible, prompting you to falter, before you looked back in the direction you’d just come from to find two familiar figures dismounting an also familiar looking horse, prompting you to curse quietly, before you warily inched closer to the edge of the track, staring down at the water below whilst tears began to cloud your vision again, and your legs began to shake a little beneath you; you were terrified, but you knew that this was something you had to do, so you inched even closer, preparing yourself to jump, until someone had managed to wrap their arms around your waist tightly, prompting you to cry out ‘no’ shakily whilst tears streamed down your cheeks again, and you would struggle against your restricter.

“I’m not letting you do this, Y/n,” Molly mustered up in a strained manner, her voice briefly trembling whilst her eyes glistened alongside your own, and a pained expression would cross her face; she couldn’t believe you’d tried to take your life again like that, after everything you’d both already been through together recently, “I’m not losing you again-”

“Molly-?” You whispered feebly, and she would falter upon hearing your voice, her heart skipping a beat whilst she eased you away from the edge of the train-track. “W-What are you-”

“No,” she interjected sharply, before turning you to face her whilst Arthur rushed up to you both after he’d taken a little longer to get off of his Missouri Fox Trotter than Molly had as he’d been surprised to see her jump off so quickly, as well as a little frustrated due to the way in which she’d not listened to his instruction, detailing that she should stay behind to keep safe, just in case a train decided to make an unexpected appearance. “You don’t get to ask me anything, Y/n - not until you answer my questions, you got that?” She questioned, and you would frown, before nodding hastily; you certainly owed her that much, and more, after all that had happened between you both recently. “Good,” she replied, “because you’ve still got some explaining to do-”

You both would then be interrupted by what sounded like the blaring of a train whistle, prompting you to tense up, before you warily looked toward where the noise had come from to find a fast approaching locomotive a few strides away from you both.

“Get off the tracks!” Arthur yelled, but you felt you couldn’t move for a moment, terrified, prompting Molly to falter, before she looked back at you to find that you weren’t following her, panicking her as she looked over at the train, before looking back at you, her eyes wide and full of her fear during this moment in time; she couldn’t let you get hit by it, and so she rushed back over to you, prompting Arthur to curse, before he made to try and get you both off of the tracks himself.

“Y/n, look at me,” she cooed shakily, whilst affectionately connecting her forehead to your own, prompting your heart to begin racing overwhelmingly whilst your breathing pattern seemed to grow staggered and uneven, as if you were on the verge of having a panic attack, “look at me! We have to move - you said you’d do anything for me in your note, so do this for me, please - I - I need you, I - I love ya, I-”

Reality then seemed to hit you like a ton of bricks, springing you into action as you managed to rush her off of the track, and protectively cover her whilst you both held onto one another tightly, shaking within each other’s arms whilst the train zoomed past you both.

“Damn it!” You both heard Arthur shout, before he managed to jump to the side alongside you both before the train could hit him, following his notice that you both were now no longer on the tracks the way you had been, a brief moment ago.

Once the train had gone, you both would appear to relax after a brief moment of remaining to cling to one another the way that you currently were, foreheads still connected, and fingers still clinging tightly onto each other’s clothing as if you were terrified of what might happen if you let go of one another too soon, after you’d tried to take your life again. As soon as she felt able, she would shove you away from her, prompting you to falter, a pained expression on your face whilst you watched her walking over to Arthur.

“M-Molly, wait, I-”

“Save it for when we get back,” she instructed sharply, and you would hastily shake your head, rushing after her as you wanted to try and fix things between you both after she’d - just through holding you the way she had, and through cooing sweet nothings to you to try and encourage you to move over to the side with her before the train could hit you both - reminded you of all that you still had to live for, though you’d previously thought that maybe - as she seemed to no longer want you, before - you’d already lost such will following you witnessing her and Dutch kissing, and then hearing her claim that she hated you after you had kissed Mary-Beth.

“Mol, wait, please-!” You begged, desperate, before catching her right arm within your right hand, prompting her to then turn to face you, before she freed her arm from your grasp, and would then use her left hand to slap your right cheek, not wanting to slap your left cheek as it was still healing; your scar had already begun to form, except it was still quite red, and your left eyelid was still often having to be heavy - you’d even heard talk that maybe Pearson was gonna craft an eyepatch for you, just to make it more comfortable for you, as it was overwhelming and painful for you to sometimes have the sun hit your left eye, despite it often now seeing things to be blurry, and quite dark, ever since you’d been wounded by one of the wolves that had ambushed you back in the Grizzly Mountains. You would wince, before lifting your left hand up to your right cheek, whilst she tried not to feel bad for what she’d just done, bowing her head a little whilst you cursed yourself again quietly for what you’d done yesterday to cause such a rift between you both. “I-.. I deserved that, I know, I’m so sorry, Molly, I - I love you so much, a-and I swear I - I hated every moment of what happened yesterday-”

“It didn’t look like you hated it,” she contradicted dejectedly, and you would frown, before hastily shaking your head - of course you’d hated it; it had felt so wrong, and whilst it was happening your heart was aching excruciatingly, and you couldn’t stop thinking about her - only her, and that’s why it hurt so much, and felt as wrong as it had - you were meant to be kissing her, you knew that now, even after you’d seen her kissing Dutch the same day.

“M-Molly, please-.. I-.. I can’t live without you, I just can’t, I-..” You admitted feebly, and she would hesitantly glance up at you again, a pained expression on her face whilst she wondered why she’d not tried harder to stop you, before you could gallop off on Murphy after you’d witnessed her and Dutch kiss the way you had yesterday; she doubted this would have ever even happened if she had, as she would have been able to try and remind you of her feelings for you before you could go and assume that you meant nothing to her the way you had.

“Yeah, well, maybe you should have thought about that,” she retorted, and you would fall quiet, a crestfallen expression crossing your face, before you bowed your head partially, and would nod gravely; you guessed that meant she really did not want you anymore, prompting your heart to sink again whilst you began to feel empty all over again, and she would then begin to feel guilty for reacting the way she had; she hated seeing you like this, and couldn’t allow you to go on suffering much longer, especially after you’d tried to take your life for her again, and had gone to the effort of finding more wild flowers for her the way you had earlier, before you had ‘snuck’ off again to try and rid her and Murphy of what you believed to be your burden of an existence. “But,” she began again gently, her expression softening, prompting your heart to skip a beat, before you looked up at her again hastily, your eyes glinting whilst your heart began to race again, pounding overwhelmingly against your ribcage whilst you awaited what she might next be about to tell you, “maybe I could think about forgiving you, if you answer a question for me.”

You didn’t even need to think about your answer to that suggestion, hastily nodding whilst you stammered a little, before blurting out shakily the word ‘anything’.

“M-Mol, I’d - I’d answer anything you asked me,” you added, before timidly inching closer to her, and she would have to try and fight back a soft smile whilst her eyes locked blissfully with your own, “I’d do anything for you; e-everything in my note was true - I love you, Miss O’Shea, and I always will, I promise, n-no matter what; my heart would never stop calling your name, even if you decide after today that you don’t want anything more to do with me, it will always only ever be you that I see whenever I close my eyes.”

She then found she couldn’t hold it back anymore as a strained sob escaped her lips, before she threw her arms around you, and you wouldn’t hesitate to return the embrace whilst you smiled lovingly, and would bury your face into the crook of her neck, sniffling quietly whilst you, too, fought back tears again alongside her; you never thought anyone could ever make you feel this way, before, but here you were - Molly was your Achilles heel, and you knew that if you ever lost her, that would forever be the end of you; you couldn’t live within a world in which she wasn’t by your side, and you knew you’d never even try, if you did, somehow, but you would force the thought from your mind, reminding yourself of how she was here with you, now, and you hoped that that would never change, until she decided she no longer wanted you, like you assumed she would after a little while; you’d never be good enough for her, and knew you could never truly keep her happy, so of course you doubted she’d wanna spend the rest of her life by your side, until she held you at arm’s length, and would blissfully connect her forehead to your’s again.

You both couldn’t help, but lock eyes blissfully for a moment, prompting you to forget how to breathe whilst you admired her, and couldn’t help, but smile shyly over at her whilst you lifted your right hand up to her left cheek timidly, connecting a couple or so of her freckles together subconsciously using your thumb gently, whilst she tilted her head partially, melting into your touch a little whilst she wondered why her heart was racing so fast so soon after she had initiated the embrace.

“You almost getting yourself killed,” she began again, her voice close to a whisper, and you would frown, your heart sinking a little again whilst you nodded gravely to show her that you were listening to her, “was that part of the bet that you mentioned in the note?”

“Of course not,” you answered hastily, not wanting her to think that, “Molly, I-.. I only did it, or tried to, b-because I-.. when you’re not with me, there-.. there’s nothing left for me to live for-”

“You know that’s not true, Y/n,” she contradicted, and you couldn’t help, but smile softly over at her, before you lifted your hand a little to tangle your fingers within her soft hair.

“I know,” you replied, “you tell me that all the time, but - you’re never gonna be able to convince me otherwise, Miss O’Shea, you know that, don’t you?”

“Knowing you,” she mused, “yes, I do know that, sadly, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna give up; I’ll always try and put you back together again, and I’m never going to stop, Miss L/n; I’ll fight for you until the very end, and maybe even after that, I just-.. hope we’ll see each other again, even after-.. after we-.. you know.”

“I hope so, too,” you corroborated, “but - Molly, I - I promise you - no matter what happens, wherever we might end up, and if we aren’t put there together - I will never stop looking for you, ever, because it’s you who I wanna spend eternity with, and I could never want that with anyone else, because you are my soulmate, Miss O’Shea - you always have been, and you always will be, no matter what the future might hold for us, I will always return to you, and you only.”

This only seemed to prompt her to begin to cry quietly again whilst she wrapped her arms around your waist, and would subconsciously play with your hair using her right hand like you briefly had with her’s, before this blissful moment in time.

“I love you so much, Y/n,” she whispered shakily, before she leaned forward to delicately connect her lips to your’s, and you wouldn’t hesitate to melt into the kiss whilst you clung to her as if your life depended on her being here with you, holding you the way she was, now, “just promise me something.”

“Anything,” you replied exasperatedly, “I - I wanna make you happy, Molly.”

“Promise me you - you won’t drink too much of that stuff anymore; I’m scared of what it’ll do to ya,” she admitted, her voice briefly trembling, and you would nod hastily, determined to stop for her, if it meant that you wouldn’t end up losing her again, and meant that you’d never hurt her again the way you could tell you had recently, something you still hadn’t forgiven yourself for, and knew you never would; never could, as all you wanted to do was shower her with your love, and make her happy to the best of your ability despite your fears regarding your worthiness of someone perfect, like her, “I can’t lose ya, Y/n, I - I just can’t, I-”

You would shake your head hastily again, before you leaned forward again to gently connect your lips to her own, silencing her, and leaving her with a dazed expression on her face whilst she smiled softly against your lips, and wondered if you could tell that she had so easily begun to blush as a result of your gentle touches, and soft kisses.

“You’re never gonna lose me, Mol; I’m gonna try and stop drinking for you, I promise, b-because I value my love for you and Murphy more than I could ever value anything else,” you reassured her, and she would then appear puzzled, realising she’d not seen Murphy yet, on her and Arthur’s way here, worrying her as she knew it would hurt you to lose Murphy, especially now that you’d come to your senses again following your being blissfully reunited with Molly. You would then appear concerned, wondering why her demeanour had changed so suddenly, worrying you as you wondered if something you had said had upset her, when you could not be more wrong. “Molly-? What - What’s wrong? Did - Did I say something-? I’m so sorry, I - I didn’t mean to upset you - what did I do? Tell me what I did, and I promise I’ll try and fix it, I swear; I love you-”

“No, Y/n, it - it’s not you, I just realised something,” she reassured you hastily, not wanting you to think that you’d done something to upset her; she didn’t want you to panic over possibly losing her again like you had thought you had, before she’d saved you a few moments ago, and confessed to still being in love with you despite all that had happened between you both recently, “it’s Murphy - where is she?”

|

You all then regrouped, and met up with Charles who they had recruited to help them find you, with you riding on the back of Charles’ horse, and Molly riding on the back of Arthur’s, but despite your searching, you ended up having to return to camp with no Murphy, and a newfound heavy heart; you couldn’t believe you’d messed up so badly, letting her run off the way you could tell she must have, considering she was no longer where you had left her, before.

“We’re gonna find her, Y/n,” Arthur stated, after Molly had helped you off of his horse, but you found you couldn’t even respond to him, scoffing, before you dragged yourself away from him, and Molly would smile apologetically back at him, before she rushed off after you, worried about you.

“Y/n, wait-”

“I - I’m fine, okay?” You interjected feebly, and she would falter, a pained expression on her face, before she nodded gravely.

“I know, I just - I was wondering if maybe you’d want me to stay with ya, tonight - I’m sure Dutch wouldn’t mind, i-if I tell him about - you know - what happened today?” She suggested, and you would appear surprised; you didn’t think she’d want to stay with you under the shelter you often slept within, and of course you couldn’t say ‘no’, managing a feeble smile, before you nodded timidly, and would shyly then avert your gaze whilst blood began to rush to your cheeks; she always knew how to make you feel okay again, as if you’d not previously been in pain, before, though you’d never stop blaming yourself for Murphy’s disappearance; you couldn’t, as you’d been the one to leave her where she was, being in the drunk state that you had previously been in at the time.

“I don’t deserve you, Molly,” you mused, and she would frown, a pained expression on her face, before she wrapped her arms around you, and would try and provide comfort to you by rubbing your back using her right hand, and you wouldn’t hesitate to melt into her embrace whilst you clung to her, and couldn’t hold it back anymore as you began to cry quietly again, strained sobs escaping your lips, sounding out muffled against her neck, prompting her heart to ache excruciatingly, before she delicately kissed your forehead, prompting your heart to skip a beat, before you lifted your right hand up to the back of her head to tangle your fingers within her hair again.

“What are you talking about? You more than deserve me, Miss L/n,” she contradicted gently, and you would try not to protest, knowing that by doing so you would upset her, so instead you stayed quiet for a moment whilst you tried to recompose yourself, knowing you should try and stay strong for her, somehow, “come - I’m gonna talk to Dutch, and then we’ll go and cuddle up together, alright?”

“Mol, w-wait,” you strained out, and she would fall quiet, before turning to face you again, and nodding whilst she smiled encouragingly over at you to show you that she was listening to you, “you - you know I love you, right?”

“Of course I do,” she reassured you, before intertwining the fingers of her left hand blissfully with the fingers of your right hand, prompting you to smile lovingly over at her whilst you revelled in how it felt to have your fingers intertwined with her own again, “why?”

“I - I don’t know, I just - I guess I just wanted to make sure that you knew,” you explained, “y-you do so much for me, a-and I want you to - to always know that - that I appreciate everything that you do for me, a-and always will, no matter what, I promise; you’re everything to me, Molly O’Shea.”

She then couldn’t help, but smile warmly over at you whilst her eyes began to glint again in the best way possible, before she held your free hand within her’s, and would blissfully lock eyes with you, prompting you to forget how to breathe so easily whilst you both admired one another for a moment, amazed by each other, and how you seemed to have done something to be worthy of one another despite the fact that you often doubted your aforementioned worthiness to receive love from someone as perfect as you both saw each other, and had always; would always see each other to be, no matter what the future might have in store for you.

“I’m glad,” she replied, “because you are everything to me, too, Miss L/n - now, what do you say? Do ya wanna cuddle up with me under the shelter, or go somewhere a little more private?”

|

That same night, you found yourself having a nightmare about her, before you woke up crying quietly within her arms, and clinging to her whilst you buried your face into the crook of her neck, until you began to feel guilty, knowing that you might wake her up soon if you stayed there with her in a state like this, prompting you to carefully remove yourself from her embrace, before you got up off of the ground, and would drag yourself hastily toward one of the boxes of beer; you needed something to try and stabilise yourself, wanting to hide your pain from her to the best of your ability, and that’s why you managed to drink a full bottle of beer, before Molly had begun to stir.

🜸

As soon as she had begun to wake up with a now empty space beside her, Sadie still lying down a couple or so paces away as you had been sharing the shelter with her recently; you’d given up the tent that Molly had got Dutch to arrange for you back in Blackwater, knowing it would be unfair for you to go on using it whilst the others - excluding John and of course Molly, and Dutch - were using shelters like the one you had previously been under, she would yawn, and stretch, before using her right hand to feel if you were still there beside her.

Once she had felt that you were gone from her side, she would begin to panic, hastily sitting up whilst she looked around, before getting up whilst she tried to recompose herself; the pounding of her heart, and staggered breathing pattern, leaving her feeling disorientated whilst she felt lost and empty with every passing moment she found you no longer within her arms.

“A-Are you looking for Y/n?” Mary-Beth asked, and Molly would falter upon hearing her voice, before she looked over in her direction; she was stood a couple or so paces away from her, and must have been awake for a while as she looked exhausted, as if she had been having no luck sleeping under the shelter that she had been within, next to the one you and Molly had been previously sleeping in, before you’d woken up from the nightmare, and had quietly rushed off to get yourself an alcoholic beverage.

“W-Why? Did you see where she went?” She inquired, her eyes then widening a little whilst she appeared hopeful, and tried to stop her voice from trembling the way it briefly had, and Mary-Beth would then nod hastily, before smiling reassuringly over at her.

“She went that way,” she answered, before gesticulating in the direction that she’d seen you go in using her left hand, and Molly would muster up an exasperated ‘thank you’, before she made to rush off after you, until Mary-Beth spoke up again. “Molly, wait,” she began once more feebly, as well as timidly, and Molly would then falter, before she half-turned to face her again, appearing nervous about what Mary-Beth might be about to tell her, or ask her, after you and she had recently kissed to save your honours following Karen’s bet for you to do so, and remain to be able to talk to each other after you had done so. “I’m-.. I’m sorry,” she expressed, and Molly would frown, before nodding gravely whilst she bowed her head a little in response to her, “the kiss meant nothing, I swear, it was just-”

“A bet,” Molly finished for her, and Mary-Beth would appear surprised; she didn’t realise that you’d already told her about the bet, before she nodded again, and smiled reassuringly over at her, “I know it was, now, but - I appreciate it, Miss Gaskill - thank you.”

“N-No problem,” Mary-Beth returned, “so - we’re still friends, aren’t we? Y-You wouldn’t mind if we were?”

“Of course I don’t mind,” she reassured her, and Mary-Beth would express relief, before she beamed over at Molly, glad that she hadn’t lost you both, though it still pained her to be reminded that she could never have with you what you shared with Molly, “I was overreacting, anyway, I - I see that now; I should have given you and Y/n time to explain, and I’m - I’m sorry - really, I am.”

“No, it - it’s okay,” Mary-Beth hastily reassured, “I’m just - glad we’re back to normal, now - a-anyway, I - I’ll let you get on; I can see you’re worried about Y/n, a-and I don’t wanna hold you up - see you around?”

“Sure - See you tomorrow; I’ll go and see what Y/n’s got herself into, now,” Molly returned, before she managed a faint smile back at Mary-Beth, and would then continue in the direction she had been previously guided toward, desperate to find you, and make sure that you were okay, especially after Murphy’s disappearance, and your trying to take your life again, only stopping once she had noticed you sunk heavily against the alcohol box you’d recently taken a spare bottle of beer out of. The sight of you in the state that you were currently in would prompt her so easily to falter, a pained expression on her face whilst her heart began to ache excruciatingly again; she couldn’t believe you’d already broken your promise regarding you not drinking as much anymore, and though it pained her to think that maybe she didn’t mean enough to you to get you to stop, she couldn’t leave you like this, hastily rushing up to you, before she crouched down in front of you, and subconsciously examined you to make sure that you were okay. “Y-Y/n-?” She strained out, her voice briefly trembling whilst she held you at arm’s length. “Say something, Y/n, please,” she begged, “I - I need to know that you’re okay, just - just say something for me-”

“I - I thought-..” You mustered up in a voice close to a shaky whisper, and she would frown, before trying to provide comfort and encouragement to you by cradling your trembling body close to her own, and you wouldn’t hesitate to cling to her whilst you affectionately connected your forehead to her own, and would revel in being within her arms again whilst you admired her blissfully for a moment, before you managed to recompose yourself, and continue. “I thought I lost you, Miss O’Shea,” you managed, and she would appear taken aback, wondering why you’d think something like that, until she guessed that maybe you’d had a nightmare, prompting her heart to sink, and she to feel a little guilty upon realising that that must be the reason why you’d had another beer, as if you believed it would help you deal with the pain, somehow.

“Why would you think something like that? Did ya have another nightmare?” She questioned gently whilst she stroked your hair using her right hand, and you would frown, before nodding gravely whilst you bowed your head a little. “Do ya wanna talk about it, or-?” She inquired, and you would wince, before hastily shaking your head; you didn’t want to have to relive the events of it; didn’t want to have to recall how you’d seen her get shot down, before you ran up to her, and desperately tried to wake her up, only to excruciatingly receive no response from her.

“I’m scared, Molly,” you admitted shakily, and she would frown, before nodding gravely whilst she lifted her left hand up to your right cheek, prompting your heart to skip a beat whilst you melted into her touch, and began to feel warm and fuzzy all of a sudden, as if you’d not been in pain before.

“There’s nothing for you to be scared of, I promise,” she cooed, “you’re safe, Y/n; we both are, as long as we stay here together with the others-”

“No,” you whined, and she would fall quiet, surprised by your reaction, “Molly, I - we can’t stay here-”

“Why not? Y/n, this is where we belong, now,” she reminded you, “and the law can’t get to us as long as we stick together; a-as long as we follow Dutch, no matter how much it hurts us both to have to live the way that we are.”

“T-That’s not the point, Mol,” you contradicted exasperatedly, desperate to try and get her to return to Old Trail Rise with you after the nightmare you’d experienced a brief moment ago, “if we stay here, we’re only gonna lose each other again; someone’s gonna separate us, a-and I don’t know how, but - but I can feel it; we have to go back; Molly, if - if I lose you-”

“You aren’t gonna lose me, Y/n,” she insisted, “look, you’re - you’re tired, and it’s probably the alcohol talking through ya, at this point; you need to sleep this off-”

“But-”

“Come on - let’s get ya back to bed, shall we?” She continued, before she carefully helped you off of the ground, but before she could, you would manage to step back before she could guide you back toward the shelter, prompting her to falter, before she glanced back at you, a pained expression on her face whilst she wondered why you were so certain that something bad like that would happen after you’d already recently got drunk, and now had already had another beer after you’d awoken from the nightmare you’d had to endure not too long ago, now.

“Molly, please, you - you have to listen to me; I can’t lose you-”

“I don’t have to listen to you,” she interjected, “especially not when you’re like this; you promised me that you’d stop drinking, Y/n, o-or that you’d only stick to one or two drinks, and I wouldn’t mind if the empty bottle down there was the only one you had today, but it wasn’t, was it? You had more earlier, too, didn’t ya?”

You would then falter, realising, a pained expression on your face whilst you subconsciously shook your head; you couldn’t believe you’d already messed up again, prompting your heart to sink, and grow heavy whilst you bowed your head slightly, wondering why she was still here with you; why she’d not rejected you earlier like you believed now - especially - she should have, instead of continuing to waste her time on you, and being burdened by you like you could tell that she was, though she’d never dare admit it, or even think as much as she knew it would hurt you, as well as herself, to ever think something like that about you, also finding herself worrying occasionally that maybe she was a burden on you, sometimes, though you could also never think something like that about her, either; she would forever remain to be perfect in your eyes, like how she knew that you would always be perfect within her own, no matter what the future might have in store for you both.

“Mol, I-.. I’m so-”

“It’s fine, Y/n,” she claimed, whilst you grimaced, and shook your head faintly; it wasn’t fine, you knew that, and you’d never stop hating and cursing yourself for being the way that you were, especially whenever you ended up hurting the way you could tell you had recently as a result of your jealousies and anxieties which you believed to be nothing, but petty, whenever you experienced them, “I value your happiness over mine, anyway, so it’s a good thing I at least kept, and am still keeping all my promises, right?”

“I - I’ll be better for you, I swear, I - I love you, Molly, I - I can change for you,” you expressed, certain that you could, and she would appear surprised, evidently not expecting you to be so willing to try and change for her, “p-please just - just stay with me, and I swear I’ll - I’ll make things right again, b-because I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you; I need you, Miss O’Shea, m-more than I could ever need, or desire anything else, just please don’t-..” Your voice would then fail you as a strained sob managed to escape your lips, prompting Molly’s heart to sink whilst she timidly inched closer to you, her expression softening, and eyes glinting a little upon hearing you pour your heart out to her the way you just had to the best of your ability. “Don’t give up on me yet,” you managed, your voice trembling briefly whilst your now glistening eyes blissfully locked with her’s in the best way possible, “h-hold onto me, and tell me you love me, only if I’m still what you want, b-but - i-if you don’t want me anymore-”

Molly then found she couldn’t hold herself back anymore as she wrapped her arms around your waist, before she delicately connected her lips to your’s, silencing you instantly whilst you melted into the kiss, and couldn’t help, but smile against her lips blissfully; nothing had ever felt so perfect before, and you still couldn’t believe how every kiss you both shared seemed to always be just as perfect, or even more perfect and magical than the first you’d both ever administered to one another.

“I’ll always want you, Miss L/n,” she cooed gently, her voice close to a whisper, whilst she affectionately connected her forehead to your own, and would lift her left hand up to your right cheek, prompting you to smile lovingly over at her whilst you melted into her touch again, feeling warm and fuzzy, and as if you might soon begin to blush profusely if you both stayed like this for much longer, though the likely possibility of the moment ending soon prompted your heart to sink whenever you were reminded of how you both would never be able to stay like this no matter how much you longed to, “and nothing could ever change the way I feel for you, n-not even the world somehow ending could stop me from loving ya, but - Y/n, I - I don’t want you to change the way that you are, I just-.. I’m worried about ya; if you keep on drinking the way that you are, now-”

“I - I know, Mol,” you admitted apologetically, “but - I’m gonna try harder, this time, I swear, I - it’s just-..”

She would then smile sadly back at you, before she nodded gravely, and would lean forward to delicately press a kiss to your forehead, whilst you couldn’t help, but wonder, again, what it was that you had done to deserve someone as perfect, caring, and understanding as her.

“I know it’s hard, Y/n,” she corroborated, “but - I don’t want you to feel as if you have to rush yourself into anything, s-so don’t worry about ever losing me, b-because I’m gonna wait for ya; I’ll always wait for ya, because I love ya, a-and it could only ever be you for me, a-and even if we do somehow get separated somehow - which we won’t - I’ll never stop waiting for ya, no matter what.”

You would then smile softly over at her, before you delicately connected your lips to her own whilst you both held one another close, and would melt into each other’s embraces once more.

“I love you so much,” you whispered a little shakily whilst you tried to fight back the tears that were clouding your vision, and she would couldn’t help, but smile warmly over at you, before she used the thumb of her right hand to delicately brush away the small tears that had already managed to escape your eyes.

“I love you, too, my beloved Y/n L/n,” she returned gently to fluster you, prompting your heart to skip a beat again whilst it raced overwhelmingly in the best way possible alongside her own, “now - d’you think you could try and get some more sleep for me, or w-would you maybe be up to doing something else?”

You would raise your eyebrows a little, before smirking, and tilting your head partially whilst you wondered what else she might have in mind.

“That depends,” you answered, “what do you feel like doing?”

It was then Molly’s turn to appear flustered as she tried to recompose herself; she could tell that you already knew what she might wanna do with you due to you both finding it harder to sneak around together recently, the way you could a little easier back in the gang’s old camp up in the Grizzly Mountains, Colter. You would grin over at her upon noticing that she’d already begun to blush a little faintly, despite her trying to hide it by looking anywhere, but directly at you for a moment, until she felt able to answer your question without stammering.

“I’m up for anything, as long as it’s with you,” she admitted, and that was all the convincing you needed to make up your mind.

“I’m glad,” you remarked suggestively, before intertwining blissfully the fingers of your right hand with the fingers of her left one, “b-because I’m up for anything as long as I get to do it with you, too, s-so - would - would you maybe like to - like to go on a little walk with me down to our spot on the other side of the river?”

She would then beam back at you, before nodding timidly whilst she eagerly anticipated what you both might do together, before the sun could come back up, and temporarily separate you both again.

“I think I’d like that,” she answered, and you would appear elated, as well as relieved as you had been worried that maybe she would reject your suggestion, before you leaned forward to gently kiss her left cheek, flustering her even more whilst you began to walk slowly with her toward the secret way in which you both often used to sneak out of the camp unnoticed by those who sometimes guarded the outside of it from lawmen, or any potential other gangs (specifically the O’Driscolls), until you both then could blissfully race each other down to the river, before Molly managed to catch you, and then playfully lower you down onto the ground so she could pin you down beneath her, allowing her to tease you at first by tickling you though she’d made it seem as if she had been going to do something else, before she began to passionately, as well as still gently kiss you a brief moment after you’d both blissfully locked eyes following your surrendering to her tickling, and giving up of your win of the race you’d both made up on the way down here, deeming this moment to be the beginning of your and her next secret heated session, until the sun had sadly begun to rise whilst you both had been cuddling up together following your and her bouts of fooling around until you were both tired, and sore, but you were determined to keep trying to meet up like this somehow, no matter what tomorrow might have in store for you.

🜸🜚🜸

As usual, whilst Arthur, Bill, and Kieran were out hunting Colm O’Driscoll - assuming he was at Six Point Cabin up in Cumberland Forest - Dutch was still in camp, meaning you and Molly had to wait until later to meet up again, knowing that you’d only create more suspicion if you hung around one another for too long; you both found it too hard to not kiss each other, and that was particularly dangerous, if you wanted to keep one another safe from being possibly harassed by the other members of the gang who hadn’t already put two-and-two together regarding your and her relationship, or maybe even hung if one of them went so far as to turn you into the law due to your (widely opposed at the time) sexualities.

So far, you were managing to avoid the tempting box of beers as well as whiskey, wanting to stay true to the promise you’d made Molly to the best of your ability, for fear of upsetting her, and losing her again, if you lost control of yourself, and messed everything up like you had been recently, until yesterday’s blissful as well as fateful events. However, seeing the hitching post that Murphy usually was tied to unoccupied only made things harder for you to bear, prompting you to wish that you could seek comfort from Molly, knowing that she would be able to temporarily rid you of the pain caused by your animal companion’s absence, until Arthur and Charles hopefully managed to find her eventually, somehow.

Your heart then sank a little; it wasn’t guaranteed that you’d get Murphy back, so you’d have to replace the word ‘until’ with an ‘if’, only leaving you feeling even emptier, and more lost than you had ever felt before whilst you were heavily leaning against the post, and trying to ease the painful sensation with thoughts of Molly, and your and her secret session last night, prompting your heart to skip a beat, and you to smile softly subconsciously - how would you ever get by without her?

“Rough night, huh?” You would falter, and tense up, upon hearing Mary-Beth’s voice, prompting you to wince, before you awkwardly smiled up at her thinly.

“How’d you know?” You inquired, and she would raise her eyebrows, before gesticulating to your slightly messier than usual hair, prompting you to appear embarrassed, before you tried to make it appear neater than it previously was.

“Thought you’d wanna know,” she remarked, and you would nod, before mustering up your thanks, and awkwardly shuffling on the spot whilst you warily looked around, and would express relief following your notice that Molly wasn’t watching; she was most likely either inside the tent, or around the back of it, “so - y-you and Molly-..”

She began again timidly, prompting you to nod again whilst you lit a cigarette, and would lean against the hitching post again, wondering why you could feel Murphy nuzzling at the back of your head, and right shoulder though she wasn’t there behind you, anymore.

“Y-Yeah,” you corroborated, “me and Molly.”

Mary-Beth would then avert her gaze for a moment whilst she found herself having to try and fight back a sad smile, taking a brief moment to recompose herself, before she glanced back at you when she felt able to do so.

“How long have you both been together? O-Or - I don’t know - been seeing each other?” She inquired, and you would think about it for a moment; it had been at least a few years, now, surely, which still surprised you sometimes as you often found yourself believing that you and Molly had already known each other for an entire blissful lifetime.

“A - A few years, I guess,” you answered, “w-why?”

“Sorry, I-.. I was just curious,” she explained, and you would realise, before nodding to show that you understood whilst you took another drag of your cigarette, avoiding eye contact with her to the best of your ability. Mary-Beth would then sigh heavily, before she timidly stepped closer to you, prompting you to tense up again, before you looked toward Dutch and Molly’s tent, but luckily she still wasn’t there watching you both; you couldn’t risk hurting her again, as you knew you’d never be able to forgive yourself if you upset her like you had with Mary-Beth last time, as well as knew that you’d never be able to get by without her if you lost her again due to her suspecting there being anything more going on between you and her, when an assumption like that could not be more wrong than it already was. “Please tell me it ain’t gonna be like this between us all the time, now,” she requested, and you would frown, evidently beginning to feel guilty for the way in which you had been acting with her following your and her having to kiss due to Karen’s bet ordering you both to do so, “I - I can’t lose you as a friend, Y/n, you-..” She would then draw in a barely audible shaky breath, before she stepped back again, and would shake her head gravely; she doubted things would ever go back to the way that they were, now, no matter how much she wished they could, missing all the conversations you both used to have back in Blackwater, as well as in the Grizzly Mountains. “Forget it - I-.. I’ll see you around; h-have a nice rest of the day,” she concluded, before making to walk away, but you would hastily shake your head, before you spoke up, and would timidly step closer to her, not wanting her to leave thinking that things would never go back to the way that they were before, between you both.

“Mary-Beth, wait,” you mustered, and she would then appear surprised, before looking back at you, and smiling shyly over at you whilst she nodded to show you that she was listening to you, “l-look, I-.. I’m sorry, for-.. for what happened yesterday, I-.. I should have told you about me and Molly, I know, but-”

“No, Y/n, it - it’s okay,” she reassured hastily, not wanting you to feel as if you had to apologise to her for the previous day’s occurrences, though you’d never stop blaming yourself for it, knowing you could have stopped it from happening by refusing to partake within Karen’s game, “I should be apologising to you-”

“That’s not true,” you contradicted, “I could have stopped it from happening, b-but I didn’t-”

“Y/n-”

“You’re never gonna convince me otherwise, Mary-Beth, so maybe you should give up,” you advised, and she would fall quiet, prompting you to feel guilty again; you’d not intended to snap at her like that, “I-.. I’m so sorry, I - I didn’t mean to - to snap at you like that, I swear, I just-”

“No - Don’t apologise, it’s okay,” she interjected gently, “Y/n, you - you have the right to snap at me, or anyone else, I mean; I’d be upset if my horse went missing, too, and you have to see Molly and Dutch together all the time, I mean-.. You’re taking on a lot right now, so if you ever wanna talk about anything-..” She would then gently as well as comfortingly lift her right hand up to your left shoulder, prompting you to tense up again, before you faltered upon noticing that Molly was now stood in front of the tent, Dutch talking to her about god knows what, and she was looking directly at you both, until she noticed you looking at her, prompting her to hastily look away, before she forced a smile over at Dutch as if she had been listening to him the whole time, instead of looking over at you. “You know where I am,” she concluded, before she removed her hand from your shoulder, smiled warmly over at you, and then waved after you’d absentmindedly replied ‘thank you’ in response to her, prompting her to then push herself to walk away from you though she had been enjoying your company.

You would then sigh heavily, before you leaned against the hitching post again, and would then take one more drag of your cigarette, before you stamped it out, and began to wait for an opportunity to talk to Molly, wanting to make sure that she was okay, after you’d noticed her watching you and Mary-Beth talking, and as soon as one was presented to you, when she actually made a move herself, passing by you, and gesticulating for you to join her, of course you had to follow her, and you were - as always - immensely glad that you did, after you so willingly had.

🜚

As soon as you noticed her waiting for you by one of the trees surrounding you both, you would meander around them to sneak up on her, before you quietly approached her once you had successfully got behind her without being noticed by her, wrapping your arms around her waist once you’d got close enough, prompting her to jump, before she subconsciously melted into your embrace following her feeling you delicately pressing your lips blissfully to the right side of her neck; she’d recognise the feel and shape of your lips anywhere.

“I was worried you wouldn’t come,” she admitted timidly, and you would frown, before glancing up at her whilst she rested her head upon your left shoulder in the best way possible, allowing you to rest your chin upon the top of her head whilst a soft smile began to play on your lips again, “I just-.. wanted to check on ya, I guess; I miss ya, Y/n.”

“I miss you, too,” you returned, “I-.. I always miss you, Molly, but I know that’s not the only reason why you wanted to see me.”

She would then tense up in response to your assumption, a pained expression on her face, before she bowed her head a little to try and hide her face from you, not wanting you to see that you were right; that she had been made a little jealous by seeing you and Mary-Beth talking the way you were, whilst she had been talking to Dutch, and felt as if she then couldn’t approach you and check up on you for fear of someone trying to hurt you both if they suspected either of you of being homosexuals, and had disagreeable views that led to them harassing you, or turning you into the law to be hung, the way that you could be if you both weren’t careful.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she contradicted, and wondered if she should move away from you, but she found she couldn’t, feeling much too comfortable, warm, and safe within your embrace to move.

“I saw you, Mol,” you began a little playfully, “whilst me and Mary-Beth were talking; you were watching-”

Molly would scoff, as if she was still trying to deny it, whilst you grinned over at her, and would raise your eyebrows a little, evidently amused, as well as flattered as you never thought someone could be made jealous by you talking to one of your other friends.

“You’re crazy if you really think I was watching ya - why would I be bothered by you and Miss Gaskill talking, anyway? She’s - She’s just a friend,” she reminded herself subconsciously, and you would nod in agreement with her, before you affectionately connected your forehead to her own whilst you smiled lovingly over at her, and would lift your right hand up to her left cheek, prompting her to melt into your touch whilst you both locked eyes blissfully for a moment, until you spoke up to tease her about it again, finding her reactions adorable, prompting you to want to fluster her even more somehow, until you knew you should stop.

“It’s killing you, isn’t it? Seeing us still talking?” You remarked, whilst your eyes glinted mischievously, prompting her to grunt, before she pushed herself to escape from your embrace, prompting your heart to sink a little in response to her action, and your loss of physical contact with her.

“I don’t know why you’d think so,” she uttered, “o-or why you might even care if it was ‘killing’ me-”

You would appear perplexed by her response after you’d dropped your teasing her, before you timidly inched closer to her whilst she was now turned away from you again, her head bowed a little, prompting you to feel guilty for your earlier behaviour with her; you’d not intended to upset her - of course you hadn’t; you’d just wanted to try and fluster her again, and make her smile her usual magical and adorable smiles that you often saw before, and valued more than you could ever value the stars in the sky; everything about her seemed to shine brighter than they ever could, anyway, prompting your heart to skip a beat whilst blood seemed to begin to rush to your cheeks. Shit - you’d not intended to fluster yourself so easily just by thinking about her, and all the moments she’d ever smiled over at you the way she often did blissfully.

“What are you talking about? Of course I’d care, Molly,” you expressed once you’d managed to recompose yourself, prompting her to hesitantly glance back at you, her eyes glinting a little once they’d locked with your’s again in the best way possible, only making your heart begin to pound more overwhelmingly than it had been, before, “I love you, and I don’t want you to feel as if there’s anything you have to get jealous about, o-or worry about, because it could only ever be you for me - you’re my soulmate, and I knew that the very day my gaze was blessed enough to be greeted by your presence.” Molly wanted to admit to the same feeling regarding you, but she found she couldn’t, the words stuck in her throat whilst tears began to cloud her vision again, and a lump began to form within her throat alongside the trapped words she wished she could share, whilst her face began to heat up a little the way it tended to whenever she found herself on the verge of breaking down during moments like these that she shared with you, and hoped to only ever share with you, and never anyone else, no matter what the future might have in store for you both. “Miss O’Shea,” you began again a little exasperatedly, your voice close to a whisper, before you held both of her hands in your’s, whilst she tried to fight back her tears to the best of her ability, “you know you can trust me, right? T-That - no matter what the universe tries to do to separate us, you will never lose me?”

She would then appear crestfallen, before bowing her head a little again after she’d hastily averted her gaze once her tears had been shocked out of her eyes following her realisation that nothing was stopping her from possibly losing you, somehow, though she had used to believe that maybe you both would always be safe together when you were both younger, and secretly smitten with each other at the time, though neither of you had ever thought that maybe the ties between you was the love that seemed to hold you both together, until your feelings for one another grew stronger as you matured more alongside each other.

“H-How can you be so sure that we’ll always be together? Y/n, we-.. we aren’t even allowed to be anything more than friends-”

“I’m sure because I will always fight for you, Molly,” you explained, your voice briefly trembling a little whilst you did, prompting her expression to soften, before she looked up at you again, and allowed her gaze to lock with your’s, “always; I love you, and I need by you by my side, you - you’re everything to me, and I could only ever want to spend my life tending to you; your needs, always, over mine, because I can’t lose you, Mol, I just can’t-!” To provide comfort to you to, as she could see that you needed it, she would soothe you by holding both of your hands in her’s, before she affectionately connected her forehead to your own whilst small tears continuously seemed to roll down her cheeks. “I love you, Miss O’Shea,” you repeated in a voice close to a shaky whisper whilst you, too, were verging on breaking down alongside her, “and that’s why I know that - as long as I’m with you - there will never be anything left in the world to part us, until you decide that - like you should - you deserve better than me, because you do-”

“No, Y/n, I don’t,” she contradicted, wishing you’d stop putting yourself down like that as she hated to see you upset like she could tell that you were, lifting her left hand up to your right cheek to brush away one of the tears that had managed to escape your eyes, “no one could ever be better for me, than you; I could never love anyone else as much as I love ya - you know that, don’t ya? I need you here with me, and only you, to make me happy, and because you’re set on only entertaining my needs, I’m gonna make sure I’m forever only set on your’s - race me down to the riverbank? Dutch won’t find out, I promise.”

You forgot how hard it was to fight back a smirk whilst you pretended to think about it for a moment, prompting her to pout whilst you giggled softly, and wrapped blissfully your arms around her waist whilst you couldn’t help, but wonder again, what exactly it was that you had done to deserve someone so perfect, compared to the nothing you had always, and would always view yourself to be.

“I don’t know,” you claimed playfully whilst you grinned sheepishly over at her, prompting her to raise her eyebrows whilst a mischievous glint seemed to form within the most beautiful eyes you had ever been so blessed to meet, and occasionally wake up to, “I’m tired of running - maybe you’ll have to carry me, then, if you want to play around with me again?”

Molly then couldn’t help, but grin whilst she shrugged, before making to pick you up, prompting you to squeak, and giggle uncontrollably again whilst you clung to her shoulders blissfully, and revelled within the moment, being so close to her again like you were, now, in the best way possible.

“Carrying you down there it is,” she remarked, and you would then timidly lean up closer to her to delicately connect your lips to her’s, prompting her heart to skip a beat, before she subconsciously began to smile against your lips, begrudgingly ending the kiss before it could grow to be too heated for you both to make it down to the riverbank, like you usually did, knowing that you had lesser chance of being caught down there than anywhere closer, or further away from the camp. “Miss L/n,” she began again playfully, prompting you to smirk up at her again whilst your eyes glinted alongside her own, “you’re desperate, today; do you think you’ll be able to make it down to the riverbank, or not?”

“As much as I’d love to stay and fool around with you here,” you began sadly, “I think we’d be better off by the water, so I’ll try my best to behave for you, but I can’t make any promises to not lose control of myself along the way.”

“Good,” she replied suggestively, “I’m glad, because I can’t make you any promises to not lose control of myself either.”

You then affectionately connected your forehead to her own again, whilst you tried to fight back the urge you were experiencing to passionately kiss her, your lips dangerously close to her own whilst you both admired one another like you couldn’t help, but always do whenever you were close to one another like you were, now.

“Then maybe we shouldn’t hold back so soon,” you decided, whilst trying to convince yourself that you both would be hidden well enough on the ground; that you were far away enough from the camp perhaps already though not as far as you usually were, by the riverbank, “m-maybe we’ll just lose, anyway, on the way down, in a more - open space.”

Molly would hesitate, evidently nervous whilst she thought about your suggestion for a moment, before she grinned over at you sheepishly.

“You’re right; maybe we should stay here,” she agreed, and you would express relief, appearing elated, before a dazed expression crossed your face whilst she teased you by brushing her lips against your own, “you’re full of nothing, but good ideas - aren’t ya, Miss L/n?”

“Yeah, well, you’re full of the best ones,” you returned, your voice close to a whisper whilst it trembled briefly following Molly’s lowering you back down, before she gently pinned you slightly to the tree behind you, “you’ve always been full of the best ideas, Molly O’Shea.” She then smirked over at you, flattered, before she slowly lowered your trousers and pants, and would then lower herself before you, before the fun began, and ended again with the setting of the sun, when you both knew that you had to return to the camp, no matter how much you longed to remain alone together, until you both could see one another again the following day, still hopeful that maybe one day would bring you both the freedom together that you felt you deserved, but there were still times that you excruciatingly doubted that things would ever get better for you both, no matter how blissful they seemed to be during moments like these.

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed it! ❤️

[best-underrated-anime]

Best Underrated Anime Group C Round 1: #C4 vs #C5

#C4: Lesbians with swords

The world is beset by monsters called the Aradama, who can only be cleansed by sword-wielding shrine maidens called the Toji. A young girl named Eto Kanami is studying to become a Toji at one of the main schools. But soon, something—or someone—might catch her eye. The decisions she makes thrusts her into a world of deception, betrayal, and a sinister force that’s been hiding in the shadows for decades…

#C5: A bunch of teenagers are forced to share pain

Katsuhira Agata is a quiet and reserved teenage boy whose sense of pain has all but vanished. His friend, Chidori Takashiro, can only faintly remember the days before Katsuhira had undergone this profound change. Now, his muffled and complacent demeanor make Katsuhira a constant target for bullies, who exploit him for egregious sums of money. But their fists only just manage to make him blink, as even emotions are far from his grasp.

However, one day Katsuhira, Chidori, and four other teenagers are abducted and forced to join the Kizuna System as official "Kiznaivers." Those taking part are connected through pain: if one member is injured, the others will feel an equal amount of agony. These individuals must become the lab rats and scapegoats of an incomplete system designed with world peace in mind. With their fates literally intertwined, the Kiznaivers must expose their true selves to each other, or risk failing much more than just the Kizuna System.

Titles, propagandas, trailers, and poll under the cut!

#C4: Katana Maidens: Toji no Miko

[Admin: Video is from the Crunchyroll Collection YT channel, and they've blocked it in my country. I couldn't find an alternative, so I just downloaded the Crunchyroll one via VPN and reuploaded it here to make sure that everybody can see it.]

Propaganda:

The depth of this show was seriously mindblowing to me. For much of the series it was just a fun romp, with some pretty interesting twists and turns along the way. But as these characters develop, as the plot gets moving, it all comes together in the end. I have not seen a more concentrated concoction of doomed tragic yuri in my life.

Trigger Warnings: Child Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Self-Harm

#C5: Kiznaiver

Propaganda:

Kiznaiver is an extremely underrated work of Studio Trigger’s and is definitely one of their bests. Not just for the animation, but for the impactful story as well. The characters just feel so real, and this show just makes you think about human connection and how much we might care for each other if we shared our pain. Although it can get a little confusing at the end, the sheer raw emotion is what makes up for everything. Every single one of the characters gets developed in ways that made me smile like an idiot.

Very good but severely underrated anime! Would recommend! :)

Trigger Warnings: Emotional Abuse, Fatphobia, Disordered Eating, Implied Sexual Assault (maybe).

The fact that Yuuta is formerly fat is constantly mocked throughout the series, which leaves a bit of a sour taste in my mouth as a fat person watching the show personally. Yuuta, to maintain his thinness, engages in disordered eating by simply eating a small cube of food every day. Said character is also the subject of an attempted sexual assault by a female character, but I don’t remember correctly if that actually happened or if I just got triggered by the way the scene was portrayed.

If you’re reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.