#And even though I’m not American I do believe that Christmas season doesn’t start until after American thanksgiving

[aroacespacerock]

Fuck it spooky season is a mindset. Happy Halloween everyone, enjoy your spooky movies and pumpkin flavored everything for as long as you want

[cauldronofmorning]

Okay so.... I've encountered your tags about "the talking scene between trapper and hawk in dr pierce and dr hyde the stuttering the grabbing the not blinking how another of hawk's coping methods has bitten the dust#trapper being soft parental but annoyed and how he needs to check out while hawkeye needs to save the entire world"... if you have time, Go off! I would love that 2000 word essay and your opinions.

It’s a bit of a mess and would probably get a C- if I handed it in, but! Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde and how it shows the difference between Hawkeye’s and Trapper’s coping methods.

Context! Alan Alda wrote the episode, mental health is important to him (not to psychoanalyze an actor, but he had depression before the show and his mom was schizophrenic) and there’s a quote on how Hawkeye didn’t actually change much in the eleven years, just had his coping methods beaten down.

So throughout season one, Hawkeye and Trapper have mostly been ignoring the trauma of a war. Hawkeye naturally ended a movie with a speech about propaganda (Yankee Doodle Doctor) and Tommy tells them (Sometimes You Hear The Bullet) about a kid who should have been the blonde hero in a war movie actually dying and not hearing a bullet, forcing them to actually quietly think about it. But for the most part, they can distract themselves with booze, pranks and women, and Hawkeye can still draw a straight line between his tenuous sanity pre-war and the place he’s in.

There’s also two important episodes in season two before Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde, that make the war more personal for both of them. The first is Radar’s Report, where a scared prisoner contaminates Trapper’s patient by knocking the blood over. Trapper’s sulkier throughout the episode, obsessed with how it could have been okay if it weren’t for that incident, and less indulging of Hawkeye’s girl of the week problem. His patient doesn’t make it, and he makes a beeline to the POW’s tent, maybe would have killed him if Hawkeye hadn’t bought him back to reality. “That’s not what we’re about.”

The second is For The Good Of The Outfit. This one has a village bombed by American military and Hawkeye/Trapper run afoul of previously decent sounding generals trying to shut them up from talking about it, including passive aggressive threats to send them to the front, and specifically to Hawkeye, intercepting letters to his dad. It’s okay by the end of the episode, but he’s still livid when he finds this out.

In comes Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde. The episode starts with Hawkeye already slightly dissociated from a long shift, thinking it hasn’t ended, and Trapper having to gently take him by the arm and guiding him out of the OR, telling him he was taking the chest cases “like he was their only hope”. Hawkeye wanting to save everyone keeps popping up throughout the episode; here, when he’s stumbling into Henry and his ego filtered through deprivation making him think he’s the only one who can do chest cases, the scene I’m getting to, and the end where Trapper and Henry sum him up.

As much as Trapper is “let’s get drunk to deal, okay?” kind of comfort in comparison to BJ who can actually talk about emotions, if not necessarily knowing the best way to deal with them (Hawkeye has a type and it’s repressed blondes), he’s soft with Hawkeye – gentle touches, firmly telling him to go to sleep, indulging that chopper noise is just thunder – until he figures the best way to get his friend to rest is to sedate him behind his back.

The thing with Trapper is that while he might be a bad husband, cheating on his wife with no shame (but he keeps bringing up that Hawkeye is more perverted so that might make it easier for him to deal with, see the couple of times he glares at Hawk for flirting with Henry/a male patient, Divided We Stand, The Trial Of Henry Blake, Check Up, Life With Father, Adam’s Ribs), he’s a good father who ran into a minefield for Kim and tried to go AWOL for Cathy and Becky. That’s not to say he always treats Hawkeye like a child, that would be weird considering how much flirting they do, but when the other man is manic or badly affected, Trapper’s first instinct is to be parental.

After Hawkeye in his doubletalky way admits to Radar he’s compulsive and psychotic (sidenote:  his symptoms of strong emotions, not being able to think clearly and too many spirals to name actually bear that diagnosis out, instead of just using the word when one thinks another is behaving badly), he wanders around the camp like a ghost, making notes about corpsmen with guns and nurses checking patients in post-op.

As Hawkeye often does, whenever he finds something out, or thinks he has in this instance, he has to tell his live-in boyfriend of the season immediately, and if he can’t sleep then neither can anyone else. He sits on Trapper’s bed, extremely close and not blinking, and jostles him awake. Already Trapper’s slightly panicky, as no matter what he says about being the mellow one, any time there’s shouting or loud noise in the swamp, he always wakes up with a start. Even when he sees it’s Hawkeye it takes him a few seconds to process and get back into his role.

Hawkeye’s very sad and very quiet. For the past seven minutes, even though he’s dissociated, exhausted and not doing well, he’s still trying to do his normal thing of turning his anger sideways and being snarky or being a clown bottom for the gaggle of nurses. Going back to one of Trapper’s good qualities is that he’s a decent parent, Hawkeye can regress emotionally into being like a ten year old (incidentally, the age when he had the most trauma pre-Korea, with Billy, his mom dying, guilt over not wanting dad to remarry and at some point losing his virginity), both for funny like in Picture This and for sadness.

So he’s finally noticed that he’s in a war zone and he’s too tired to make jokes about it or distract himself from it. Trapper already sounds frustrated but still listens, telling him to go bed before he drives himself crazy. There’s been a few takes that Trapper would get sick of later Hawkeye, and given how much they really can’t talk to each other that often, even just a mention of Hawkeye’s will when he has to go to the front makes Trapper shut down and Hawkeye cover with a joke, that’s probably true. They’re both messes, but for now Trapper can give Hawkeye someone to lean on.

“If I thought I could stop it just by going to sleep, don’t you think I would try?” Hawkeye does a twitch of the head, still unblinking, and that’s just really asking Trapper to understand and take him seriously. Also the wording, he’s not saying he can stop thinking about it just by going to sleep, or stop feeling anything just by closing his eyes, although both of those are implied. He makes it very clear later on (Letters, Preventive Medicine, Blood Brothers) that he feels like he’s as bad as the war – god and martyr complex combined – and if he can’t fight against/blame everything on that then it’s time for some self loathing.

Trapper does actually pay attention and gives him some advice. Definitely not great advice, but advice nonetheless, to close his eyes when things get unbearable, and to keep checking out when it keeps happening. This can’t work for Hawkeye, who’s had a guilt complex ever since he was a child, but it’s how Trapper copes. The next episode when Kim’s mother turns up for the boy, after a time of being actually open, he goes right to dismissive snark. Plus in season three’s Mad Dogs and Servicemen, another one on how differently Trapper and Hawkeye deal with things, he shrugs that he pretends he’s not there all day along.

Hawkeye’s stuttering a bit at this point. Words are important to him, it’s why you should probably leave him a note even if you’re a man who 1) wants to forget about Korea as soon as he arrives in Boston but won’t 2) wants desperately to believe he’s straight but isn’t 3) cares through physical touch and can’t think of what to say for seventy two hours. Wordplay is important to him too, and he admits to Sidney in the finale that his brain thinks too fast. Obviously exhaustion is going to put his brain and mouth out of sync, and considering how he sounds like he’s going to cry in the mess tent when he can’t even get words out to Frank Burns, it makes him all that more helpless.

“Somebody, and it wasn’t you or me, started this war.” It’s the “whoever the them, we were always us” of it all. It’ll be more important in the third season, and what happens in Welcome To Korea, but Hawkeye has taken it for granted that he and Trapper will stay co-dependent no matter what happens or who they come up against or how their time is running out. Much how he probably didn’t tell Trapper about the abandonment trauma he’s suffered before, Trapper always reassures him to come back soon, or no charge for leaning on him, or it isn’t a Christmas goodbye, and doesn’t want to share real feelings.

Beyond that scene, with Hawkeye dragging himself off to be a hero, assume that everyone who tries to take care of him really just wants to sleep with him, and cry while singing, Trapper tries to sedate him while he’s not looking. He’s tried being parental, he’s tried the repression advice, it’s time to be passive aggressive for Hawkeye’s own good. Or what he thinks is Hawkeye’s own good. It’s not especially great on Trapper’s part, but a similar thing happens reversed in Mail Call, where a drunk Trapper tries to go AWOL and as soon as he’s distracted laughing at Frank, Hawkeye locks his bag away so Trapper won’t be tempted again. Both of them are repressed messes who can’t really talk to each other.

When that sedation attempt ends up in Frank falling over, Trapper goes to Henry to be the worried macho boyfriend. Like with the only comedic dancing allowed and not the time in Officers Only when a genuine offer gets turned down, being protective over Hawkeye where he can hear can only happen when it’s for fun/likely no real danger.

At the end, Trapper and Henry sit by Hawkeye’s bed when he’s finally asleep and talk about him. Kindly, but they know he’s unstable with a hero complex. Like Mulcahy said in season eleven, the camp has a lot of experience with not dealing with reality, and even Trapper says in Iron Guts Kelly that one man’s reality is another man’s fantasy. Nobody has the capability to talk about this yet, and Sidney and Hawkeye only really become friends in O.R. Hawkeye will wake up and he and Trapper will pretend this never happened.

When Adam’s Ribs comes around, and Hawkeye has a manic episode over needing to eat something that isn’t liver or fish, Trapper and Henry are again the ones looking after him, comparing him to their kids and Trapper in the background both snarking over Hawkeye’s slippage in sanity and looking out for him. It’s not as quite high stakes as Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde, but they’re still worried about him.

To end this out, Trapper and Hawkeye and mental health is a fun thing to look at. Neither of them are particularly emotionally intelligent yet, Hawkeye just kind of a self absorbed mess and Trapper finding it easier to be a reassuring rock and keep his own struggling to himself, and they keep things from each other while also taking past each other, but they comfort each other with jokes and distractions that only they can understand. The repressed clowns are trying, even if it does all end with a borrowed kiss and only just barely missing each other.

[birdhaslostit]

🎁🎄❄️What the Lupin Gang would do for Christmas!❄️🎄🎁

Helloooooooo Lupin fans! You may or may not remember me as that one chick who made that Halloween headcanon post a few months back, as well as the Jigen’s bangs post. I’m back with a Christmas post!!!

Please note: Personally, I really only celebrate Christmas in a non-Jesus-y way. (Which is how I’m also writing this post, because let’s be honest, do you really think Lupin is going to confession and shit? Absolutely not.) It’s purely out of habit because I was raised Catholic, but I practice witchcraft now. My family doesn’t know that though. Because of this, I considered also making posts for other winter holidays, so I could include Lupin fans that don’t celebrate Christmas. But I didn’t want to accidentally mess it up, or write something inaccurate about a holiday that I don’t celebrate. It felt disingenuous to make a Hanukkah post because I’m not Jewish and it doesn’t seem like my place, and I didn’t want to do a Yule one either, because no two people celebrate it the same way. So, I strongly encourage others to add their respective winter festivities to this post if they want to! We’re all about inclusivity here.

Without further ado:

🎁LUPIN:

I don’t feel like it needs saying, but this man goes bonkers for Christmas.

He flip-flops his choice of red or green jacket by the year. But it always comes with an equally garish Christmas-themed tie, just to make explicitly clear that this is The Christmas Jacket for the year, as opposed to the standard red/green jacket.

The hideout(s) are always decorated to the GILLS inside. It’s an odd mix of older classy decorations he’s inherited from his family, and absolutely horrendously tacky ones he’s bought himself. 

Picture real branch garlands, wrapped tastefully around gilded candelabras that have been passed down through several generations. And then one of those singing, dancing stuffed animals from Walmart that plays “Jingle Bell Rock” when you squeeze its paw, right next to it.

Christmas-themed heists? You know it, baby. But he won’t steal anything on Christmas Eve or Christmas. It just isn’t in the spirit of the season, in his opinion. But he’ll leave a little something-something with his calling cards during the rest of December. A candy cane, a sprig of mistletoe, a bough of holly, etc.

Lupin despises eggnog. He loves any other Christmas drink, just not eggnog. He’s too grossed out by the idea of drinking eggs with alcohol- some things just shouldn’t be mixed.

Will not allow anyone to mention the truth about Santa Claus in his presence. Yeah, he knows, but that’s not the point. It just feels like bad luck to say it out loud. The harder Jigen tries to debate with him that Santa isn’t real, the harder he digs in his heels that “of course he is you absolute Scrooge, how dare you! If you don’t believe, you don’t receive.”

Favorite Christmas Songs: Anything peppy! 

Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney

Step Into Christmas by Elton John

Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

We Need a Little Christmas by Percy Faith and his Orchestra

A Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives

All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey

Santa Claus’ Party by Les Baxter

Favorite Christmas Drinks: Literally anything except eggnog.

Favorite Christmas Foods: Anything obscenely sugary. Especially gingerbread men and other decorated pastries.

Favorite Christmas Activities: Loves to ice skate and make gingerbread houses! But his houses usually look fairly pathetic, no matter how hard he tries.

Favorite Christmas Movie(s): 

The Grinch (Jim Carrey version)

Home Alone

Scrooged

Christmas Gifts: The king of gag gifts, but he also gives surprisingly thoughtful presents too. He’s the kind of guy that would get a person something they mentioned once offhandedly that they really liked, and he’d go back and get it for them.

🎅JIGEN:

Lupin always wants to decorate the hideout(s) the second Halloween ends, but it never happens. With Jigen being the only American in the gang, he always puts a stop to it in order to preserve the quickly-disappearing border between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

What can I say, dude loves his Thanksgiving excuse to eat like shit and do nothing for a day. Even if it is a fucked-up holiday, historically speaking.

But once the Thanksgiving meal is over, he gives Lupin the okay to go crazy. He’s pretty stoked about Christmas too, but too full of turkey to contribute, so he just watches Lupin hang up Christmas lights everywhere while he lays on the couch and digests.

Jigen likes Christmas a lot, but like, in a normal person kind of way. Nowhere near Lupin’s insane level. He’s surprisingly open about his enthusiasm too. The average person would think he doesn’t really care about Christmas much (or anything else really), but to the gang, Christmastime is the most openly excited they’ve ever seen him.

One year’s Christmas-themed heist involved Jigen dressing up as a mall Santa as a part of the plan. The gang powdered his beard, gave him a pillow for his stomach, and sent him on his way. Everything went surprisingly smoothly, and he actually did pretty well with the kids. At first they were a little intimidated, and Jigen was kind of nervous- but he gave them all candy canes and they changed their minds pretty quickly.

Jigen enjoyed it a lot, actually... to the point that he may have potentially started volunteering to be the local mall Santa. Every year during December, he leaves for a day or two on “business.” Nobody in the gang can prove it though, and trust me, they’ve tried.

Favorite Christmas Songs: The classics and the chill ones, with a few rock ones thrown in for a little kick.

Mele Kalikimaka by Bing Crosby

Sleigh Bells by Gene Autry

(There’s No Place Like) Home For The Holidays by Perry Como

Jingle Bells by Frank Sinatra

Caroling, Caroling by Nat King Cole

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow by Dean Martin

Silver Bells by Dean Martin

Happy Holiday by Bing Crosby

Run Rudolph Run by Chuck Berry

Merry Christmas Baby by Bruce Springsteen (Sang this once after too much eggnog and will never live it down)

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen by the Barenaked Ladies (He’s not into all the Jesus-y stuff, but it’s pretty catchy.)

Favorite Christmas Drinks: Jigen is ALL. ABOUT. THAT. NOG. He’ll make his cup a little stronger than everyone else’s.

Favorite Christmas Foods: He really likes candy canes, especially the mini ones. He’ll keep a few in his pocket with his cigs, and switch between them depending on his mood. Out of habit, it’ll usually dangle out of his mouth like a cigarette would.

Favorite Christmas Activities: Watching Christmas movies and laughing at Lupin’s shitty gingerbread houses.

Favorite Christmas Movies: 

Anything that’s on at the moment, really. He likes to lounge by the TV, and he’s not picky. 

He has a soft spot for A Charlie Brown Christmas though.

A Christmas Story, solely because of the BB gun.

Scrooged, because Bill Murray’s hilarious.

Christmas Gifts: Something practical and useful that the person never realized they needed until they opened the box.

☃️GOEMON:

Goemon wasn’t originally a huge fan of Christmas. Shocking, I know.

He now enjoys some aspects of it, and tolerates others. He likes the idea of giving heartfelt gifts and spending time with loved ones as a tradition, but dislikes the cheesy commercial aspect of Christmas.

He already enjoys the snow and walking through the forest, so the gang usually commissions him to pick a tree for them and cut it down with Zantetsuken. (If they’re somewhere where that’s an option.)

Unbeknownst to the rest of the gang, he will always replant the tree he cut down, and he will wrap something cozy around the bottom of the sapling to keep it safe. Yes, this was directly inspired by A Charlie Brown Christmas. No, he will not admit to this.

Favorite Christmas Songs: The instrumentals, and a few he’d rather die than admit to liking.

The Nutcracker March from The Nutcracker

Waltz of the Flowers from The Nutcracker

Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy from The Nutcracker

Christmas Time Is Here (Instrumental) by the Vince Guaraldi Trio

Greensleeves by the Vince Guaraldi Trio

Last Christmas by Wham! (He likes the storyline and the romantic aspect of it.)

Do They Know It’s Christmas? by Band Aid (He likes that it was for a good cause, even if it has its flaws.)

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) by John Lennon and Yoko Ono (Again, flawed, but he enjoys the intended message of peace. Also, represents Japan on the side with Yoko Ono.)

White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes

Favorite Christmas Drinks: Surprisingly fond of hot cocoa. Heavy on the whipped cream and marshmallows. 

Favorite Christmas Foods: Doesn’t really like eating gingerbread men, but enjoys decorating them. They’re always pristine, like something you’d get in a bakery.

Favorite Christmas Activities: See above. Also enjoys going out in the snow, and making ice sculptures with Zantetsuken.

Favorite Christmas Movies: Refuses to admit he likes any of these.

Any of the classic Rankin Bass claymation specials.

Any other animated ones for kids. Has a soft spot for A Charlie Brown Christmas and The Polar Express.

A few of those cheesy Hallmark ones.

Christmas Gifts: Something small and sentimental he saw while walking by a store that reminded him of the person he’s giving it to. Nothing extravagant, but thoughtful nonetheless.

⛸FUJIKO:

Fujiko decorates the tree. Period. Lupin cannot be trusted to do this on his own. Goemon picks the tree, Lupin and Jigen put it in the stand, and from there, it’s all Fujiko. The ornaments, lights, and tree skirt are all perfectly color/theme coordinated, and arranged like a pristine store display. 

She also has a few ornaments that she bought for each specific member of the gang. Lupin’s is a monkey (he was not pleased, but he’s whipped for her, so he let her keep it). Jigen’s is a carved wooden pistol. Goemon’s is porcelain, with hand-painted sakura blossoms on it. She bought one for Zenigata too as a joke one year- a tiny bowl of ramen noodles.

Her ornament? The star on top of the tree, because she’s the star of the show, baby. It’s actually a snowflake, made of the finest crystal she could steal.

Favorite Christmas Songs: Pop music and Motown’s finest.

Underneath The Tree by Kelly Clarkson

All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey

Santa Tell Me by Ariana Grande

This Christmas by Donny Hathaway

What Christmas Means To Me by Stevie Wonder

Sleigh Ride by The Ronettes 

Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Darlene Love

A Marshmallow World by Darlene Love

I Like A Sleighride (Jingle Bells) by Peggy Lee

Favorite Christmas Drinks: Hot chocolate and mulled wine.

Favorite Christmas Foods: Loves baking and eating gingerbread men. She lets Goemon decorate them with her. Hers have lots of candy and sprinkles on them, while his are just icing.

Favorite Christmas Activities: Along with baking, ice skating! She’s the best at it out of the whole group. None of the guys are particularly good at it, but she makes them go with her at least once regardless.

Favorite Christmas Movies:

Hallmark ones, solely to make fun of them.

Babes In Toyland, but only the 1986 one, because it has Keanu Reeves in it, and “I don’t care if I’m your girlfriend, Lupin. In this house, we support Keanu Reeves.”

Christmas Gifts: Something expensive/extravagant that will make the person think of her every time they use it.

🎄ZENIGATA:

Zenigata is the second biggest Christmas enthusiast, just behind Lupin.

He doesn’t get to settle down and decorate anything really, since he’s always running after the gang, but he does lots of other little things to celebrate instead. Like getting hot chocolate instead of coffee, tuning the squad car radio to the Christmas station, getting an air freshener that smells like gingerbread, and wearing a festive scarf and gloves with his trench coat to keep out the cold.

In years past, Zenigata still had to work on Christmas Eve/Christmas, even if Lupin wasn’t out stealing anything. Lupin found out and thought that was a little harsh of ICPO, so he came up with a plan. 

Each year he sends a calling card to the station with the conditions that only Zenigata can come to investigate. Zenigata does some research, shows up to the location on Christmas Eve, and every year, nothing’s there except for a neatly wrapped present from Lupin. 

Zenigata keeps the present as “evidence,” goes back to the station, and they give him Christmas off to go investigate on his own, in case Lupin tries anything else. Lupin never does, but the station doesn’t know that. Bada bing, bada boom, Lupin just got Zenigata a vacation.

Zenigata never catches on, bless his heart.

Favorite Christmas Songs: Ones he can sing/hum along to in the squad car.

The Man With All The Toys by The Beach Boys

Celebrate Me Home by Kenny Loggins

Feliz Navidad by José Feliciano (Does Zenigata understand Spanish? Absolutely not. Does he get the point and think it’s festive? Darn right.)

A Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer by Dean Martin

Winter Wonderland by the Eurythmics

Silver Bells by Dean Martin

Happy Holiday/The Holiday Season by Andy Williams

Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town by Gene Autry

December by Earth, Wind, and Fire (Let him have this okay, it’s a good song and he gets made fun of for liking it by the rest of ICPO)

Skating by the Vince Guaraldi Trio

Favorite Christmas Drinks: Hot cocoa and eggnog, but not strong eggnog like Jigen’s.

Favorite Christmas Foods: Anything, really. It’s something besides cup noodles, so he’s grateful. Lupin’s gift always includes lots of various Christmas goodies because of this.

Favorite Christmas Activities: Zenigata enjoys the snow in theory, but doesn’t handle the cold well. So he likes to watch the snow from his window while he listens to Christmas music in his squad car and sips his hot cocoa.

Favorite Christmas Movies: He doesn’t really have a lot of time to sit down a watch a movie, with how hard he works. But he remembers a few from when he was younger, and he really likes those. His favorite is Frosty the Snowman.

Christmas Gifts: Something inexpensive because ICPO vastly underpays this poor man, and he’s always embarrassed because of that, but it’s always something super sweet and heartfelt.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! And for those who don’t celebrate it, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! <3

[bolintheturtleduck]

Song Ranking

So I did that song ranking thing and it took HOURS. literal HOURS. Don’t ever do it, I won’t even link it. I hated doing it. But here is my list. And dare I say my Top 130 is immaculate hjgkhg

Some of this is not really accurate though. Could be me or the generator. Like ‘Cold Hearted’ being 500 something???? Not in my house. 

Also don’t go looking for christmas songs. They are all somewhere down there lmao

Anyways! Let’s go!

1 Nasty / Rhythm Nation

1 Rumour Has It / Someone Like You

3 Be Okay

4 Love You Like A Love Song

4 Seasons Of Love

6 Mustang Sally

7 So Emotional

8 Tightrope

9 Barely Breathing

10 Cough Syrup

11 Shake It Out

11 The Boy Is Mine

13 Back To Black

14 Valerie

15 Paradise By The Dashboard Light

16 River Deep, Mountain High

17 Problem

18 Faithfully

19 Gloria

20 I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You

21 How Will I Know

22 We Are Young

23 How To Be A Heartbreaker

24 Hand In My Pocket / I Feel The Earth Move

25 If I Die Young

26 I Feel Pretty / Unpretty

27 Bust Your Windows

28 Candyman

29 American Boy

30 I Can't Go For That (No Can Do) / You Make My Dreams

31 If I Can't Have You

32 It's All Coming Back To Me Now

33 Crazy / U Drive Me Crazy

34 ABC

35 Bad Romance

36 It's Too Late

37 Hungry Like The Wolf / Rio

38 I Wish

39 Need You Now

40 Landslide

41 Start Me Up / Livin' On A Prayer

42 Thriller / Heads Will Roll

43 What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)

44 There Are Worse Things I Could Do

45 Losing My Religion

46 The Edge Of Glory

47 Teenage Dream (Acoustic Version)

48 Make You Feel My Love

49 My Prerogative

50 Singing In The Rain / Umbrella

51 Songbird

52 Spotlight

53 Mine

54 Take Me Or Leave Me

55 Take Me To Church

56 No Surrender

57 Never Say Never

58 Constant Craving

59 Brave

60 Born This Way

61 Pumpin' Blood

62 Blame It (On The Alcohol)

63 Glad You Came

64 Give Your Heart A Break

65 It's All Over

66 It's Not Right, But It's Okay

67 Everybody Talks

68 Here Comes The Sun

69 Into The Groove

70 In Your Eyes

71 I Don't Want To Know

72 I Lived

73 I Kissed A Girl

74 Halo / Walking On Sunshine

75 You Can't Stop The Beat

76 She's Not There

77 Nutbush City Limits

78 True Colors

79 Can't Fight This Feeling

80 Breakaway

81 Dancing Queen

82 Don't Stop Me Now

83 And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going

84 Empire State Of Mind

85 Doo Wop (That Thing)

86 Arthur's Theme

87 Happy Days Are Here Again / Get Happy

88 Toxic

89 This Is The New Year

90 Last Name

91 3

92 A Change Would Do You Good

93 Got To Get You Into My Life

94 Tongue Tied

95 Smooth Criminal

96 Papa Don't Preach

97 Animal

97 Another One Bites The Dust

99 Don't Speak

100 Don't You Want Me

101 A Hard Day's Night

102 Some Nights

103 Somebody That I Used To Know

104 Superstition

105 Survivor / I Will Survive

106 My Life Would Suck Without You

107 The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

108 Misery

109 My Love Is Your Love

110 Somewhere Only We Know

111 Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

112 Me Against The Music

113 I Follow Rivers

114 Mean

115 Here's To Us

116 Stronger

117 Summer Nights

118 Make No Mistake, She's Mine

119 Love Song

120 Waiting For A Girl Like You

121 We Got The Beat

122 We Found Love

123 We've Got Tonite

124 Love Shack

125 The Scientist

126 Love Is A Battlefield

127 Run Joey Run

128 Wings

129 When I Get You Alone

130 Uptown Girl

131 Roots Before Branches

132 I'm The Only One

132 I've Gotta Be Me

134 Hopelessly Devoted To You

135 Hit Me With Your Best Shot / One Way Or Another

136 Dinosaur

137 Dog Days Are Over

138 Hung Up

139 Everytime

140 Go Your Own Way

141 Every Breath You Take

142 Fire And Rain

143 Fighter

144 Not While I'm Around

145 Not The Boy Next Door

146 Fly / I Believe I Can Fly

147 Girl On Fire

148 Oops!... I Did It Again

149 Stop! In The Name Of Love / Free Your Mind

150 Stereo Hearts

151 Bills, Bills, Bills

152 Somebody Loves You

153 Hold It Against Me

154 Turning Tables

155 Wide Awake

156 You May Be Right

157 Cell Block Tango

158 A Boy Like That

159 All Out Of Love

160 Alfie

161 Jessie's Girl

162 I'm A Slave 4 U

163 I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

164 I'll Stand By You (Amber)

165 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

166 Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself)

167 Lovefool

168 Just Can't Get Enough

169 Just Give Me A Reason

170 Keep Holding On

171 Like A Virgin

172 New York State Of Mind

173 My Dark Side

174 More Than A Feeling

174 My Cup

176 I Want To Hold Your Hand

177 I Want To Break Free

178 I Want To Know What Love Is

179 I Want You Back

180 Teenage Dream

181 Take My Breath Away

182 America

183 Glory Days

184 I Say A Little Prayer

184 I Wanna Sex You Up

186 I Will Always Love You

187 A Thousand Years

188 Like A Prayer

189 Don't Rain On My Parade

190 Disco Inferno

191 Don't Stop Believin' (Regionals)

192 Dream On

193 Get It Right

194 Gold Digger

195 Telephone

196 Without You

197 You're The One That I Want

198 Tell Him

199 Let Me Love You

200 Good Vibrations

200 Raise Your Glass

202 Run The World (Girls)

203 Gimme More

204 Hey Jude

204 How Deep Is Your Love

206 Higher Ground

207 Vogue

208 Something's Coming

209 Footloose

210 Forget You

211 Gives You Hell

212 Everybody Wants To Rule The World

213 Far From Over

214 Fat Bottomed Girls

215 Hair / Crazy In Love

216 Hall Of Fame

216 Hello

216 Hello, I Love You

216 Somebody To Love

216 Time Warp

216 To Love You More

222 Last Friday Night

223 Hate On Me

224 Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'

225 Locked Out Of Heaven

226 Rose's Turn

227 Everybody Hurts

227 Express Yourself

227 Loser

227 Shout It Out Loud

231 Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours

232 Pompeii

233 Party All The Time

234 Our Day Will Come

235 Perfect

236 Old Time Rock & Roll / Danger Zone

237 Greased Lightning

237 Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

237 Live While We're Young

240 Firework

240 Love Child

242 Fire

243 You're All I Need To Get By

244 The Scientist (Acapella)

245 Afternoon Delight

246 Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)

247 Listen To Your Heart

248 Tik Tok

249 You Keep Me Hangin' On

250 The Rose

251 You Can't Always Get What You

Want

252 Let's Have A Kiki

252 Listen

254 Pretending

255 More Than A Woman

256 More Than Words

257 Hot For Teacher

257 No One Is Alone

257 Not The End

257 Nowadays / Hot Honey Rag 257 O Christmas Tree

257 One Hand, One Heart

257 One

257 Only Child

257 Proud Mary

266 Heroes

267 Hey Ya!

268 Getting Married Today

268 Happy

270 Hell To The No

271 Night Fever

271 Sgt. Pepper's Lonley Hearts Club

Band

273 The Music Of The Night

273 The Only Exception 273 The Rain In Spain 273 The Safety Dance 273 Thousand Miles 278 Billionaire

278 God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 278 The Happening

278 The Lady Is A Tramp

282 Borderline / Open Your Heart 282 Born To Hand Jive

284 Control

284 The Longest Time

286 Give Up The Funk

287 Chasing Pavements

288 Man In The Mirror

288 Say

288 Sexy And I Know It 288 Shout

292 Marry The Night

293 Mamma Mia

294 Loser Like Me

295 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 1)

296 Colorblind

297 Diva

297 Don't Cry For Me Argentina

299 Don't Dream It's Over

300 Let It Be

301 Don't Stop

302 Highway To Hell

302 Hold On

302 Holding Out For A Hero 302 We Will Rock You

302 What I Did For Love

302 What It Feels Like For A Girl

308 Take On Me

309 For Once In My Life

309 Good Riddance (Time Of Your

Life)

309 Hello Goodbye

309 Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love

309 Home

309 Homeward Bound / Home 309 Honesty

309 Human Nature

317 Drive My Car

317 For Good

317 I'll Remember

320 I'll Stand By You (Cory)

321 On My Own

321 Taking Chances

321 The Bitch Is Back / Dress You Up 321 Werewolves Of London

325 My Man

326 My Life

327 My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)

327 Never Going Back Again 327 No Scrubs

330 Creep

331 Come What May

332 Never Can Say Goodbye

333 Who Are You Now?

334 You Give Love A Bad Name

335 Womanizer

336 Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

337 Come See About Me

337 P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) 337 People

337 Popular

337 River

337 Roar

337 Rolling In The Deep 337 Santa Baby

345 Boogie Shoes

346 At Last

347 I'm The Greatest Star

348 Jar Of Hearts

349 It's Time

350 It's My Life / Confessions Part II

351 It's Not Unusual

352 I'm So Excited

352 I'm Still Here

354 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 5) 354 Don't You (Forget About Me) 354 Dreams

354 Unchained Melody

354 Uptown Funk

359 Bohemian Rhapsody

359 Don't Stop Believin' (Rachel) 359 Lucky

362 Don't Stand So Close To Me /

Young Girl

363 Bridge Over Troubled Water

363 Bust A Move

365 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee

366 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee

(Reprise)

367 Longest Time

368 Applause

369 All Of Me

370 Any Way You Want It

370 Anything Could Happen

372 Red Solo Cup

372 Rock Lobster

372 Rockin' Around The Christmas

Tree 372 Rockstar

376 Saving All My Love For You

377 (I've Had) The Time Of My Life

377 Piano Man 377 Poison 377 Poker Face

381 A House Is Not A Home

382 4 Minutes

383 Black Or White

384 Blackbird

385 All By Myself

385 Smile

385 You Make Me Feel So Young

388 Wrecking Ball

389 (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural

Woman

389 (You're) Having My Baby

391 Superman

392 Ain't No Way

392 Stayin' Alive

394 Still Got Tonight

394 The Most Wonderful Day Of The

Year

394 The Way You Look Tonight / You're Never Fully Dressed Without A

Smile 394 This Time

394 Whatever Happened To Saturday Night?

399 They Long To Be Close To You

400 All About That Bass 400 Sing!

400 So Far Away

400 Some People

404 Addicted To Love

404 Moves Like Jagger / Jumpin' Jack Flash

404 Sing

404 Someday We'll Be Together 404 Somethin' Stupid

404 Something

404 Somewhere

404 Stand

412 Scream

413 Rather Be

414 Next To Me

414 No Air

414 Papa Can You Hear Me? 414 Physical

414 Piece Of My Heart

414 Pinball Wizard

414 Pony

414 Rehab

422 La Isla Bonita

422 Lean On Me

422 Let's Wait Awhile

422 Little Drummer Boy

422 Little Girls

427 Light Up The World

428 Science Fiction Double Feature

428 Silent Night 428 Silly Love Songs

431 Le Jazz Hot

432 Out Here On My Own

432 Pure Imagination

434 School's Out

435 Hey, Soul Sister

435 I Kissed A Girl (Season Six) 435 Sway

438 I Believe In A Thing Called Love

439 I Have Nothing

440 I Am Changing

441 I Saw Her Standing There

441 I Was Here

441 I Won't Give Up

441 I'll Be Home For Christmas 441 I'll Never Fall In Love Again 446 Funny Girl

446 I Look To You

446 I Only Have Eyes For You 446 I Still Believe / Super Bass 446 Story Of My Life

451 I Love New York / New York, New

York

452 What Makes You Beautiful

453 What The World Needs Now

454 An Innocent Man

454 Bad

454 Because You Loved Me

454 Bein' Green

454 ByeByeBye/IWantItThatWay 454 IfIWereABoy

454 Take A Bow

454 Take Me Home Tonight

462 Barracuda

463 Beauty School Drop Out

464 Chandelier

465 Baby It's You

466 It Must Have Been Love

467 At The Ballet

468 Baby One More Time

469 Beautiful

469 Being Alive

469 We Built This City

472 Being Good Isn't Good Enough 472 I Just Can't Stop Loving You 472 I Love It

472 Isn't She Lovely

476 All That Jazz

476 Blurred Lines

476 Bootylicious

476 Extraordinary Merry Christmas 476 Father Figure

476 Fight For Your Right (To Party)

476 Flashdance... What A Feeling

483 I Don't Know How To Love Him

484 Fix You

484 I Could Have Danced All Night 486 Push It

486 Rainbow Connection 486 Rise

489 Promises, Promises

490 Oh Chanukah

490 Ohio

490 One Love (People Get Ready) 490 Only The Good Die Young 494 Baby

494 Dancing With Myself

494 Defying Gravity

497 Baby, It's Cold Outside

498 Cherish / Cherish

498 Christmas Wrapping 498 Closer

498 Downtown

498 Endless Love

498 Forever Young

498 Friday I'm In Love 498 Friday

498 Gangnam Style

498 Get Back

498 Safety Dance

509 Cold Hearted

510 Clarity

511 Centerfold / Hot In Herre

511 Just The Way You Are 513 Jumpin', Jumpin'

513 Kiss

515 Juke Box Hero

515 L-O-V-E

517 Jolene

518 Jump

518 La Cucaracha

520 Dream A Little Dream

521 A Little Less Conversation

521 Beth

521 Bitch

521 Don't Sleep In The Subway 521 Girls Just Want To Have Fun 521 Have Yourself A Merry Little

Christmas 521 Help!

521 I Dreamed A Dream 521 I'm His Child

521 I'm Still Standing 521 Ice Ice Baby

521 Imagine

521 In My Life

521 It's A Man's Man's Man's World 521 Lose My Breath

521 Memory

521 Outcast

521 Over The Rainbow

521 Same Love

521 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town 521 Teach Your Children

521 Tell Me Something Good

521 The Final Countdown

521 Uptight (Everything's Alright) 545 Big Ass Heart

545 I Love L.A.

545 I Melt With You

548 Big Girls Don't Cry

548 Mary's Boy Child

548 O Holy Night

548 On Our Way

548 One Bourbon, One Scotch, One

Beer

548 One Less Bell To Answer

554 Maybe This Time 554 My Favourite Things 554 My Sharona

557 Marry You

558 Cool

559 Cool Kids

560 Celebrity Skin

560 Cheek To Cheek

560 Dance The Night Away

560 Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend / Material Girl

560 Don't Go Breaking My Heart 560 Don't Wanna Lose You

560 Feliz Navidad

560 Here Comes Santa Claus 560 I Know What Boys Like

560 I Know Where I've Been 560 Trouty Mouth

571 Total Eclipse Of The Heart

572 Don't Make Me Over

573 Call Me Maybe

574 We Are The Champions

575 Time After Time

576 Bring Him Home

576 Broadway Baby 576 Buenos Aires 576 Burning Up 576 Yesterday

581 Boys / Boyfriend

582 Mercy

582 You Get What You Give

582 You Have More Friends Than You

Know

582 You Learn / You've Got A Friend

582 You Should Be Dancing

582 You're All The World To Me 582 You're My Best Friend

582 You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' 590 Break Free

590 Jingle Bell Rock 590 Jingle Bells

590 Joy To The World 590 One Of Us

590 Tonight

590 You're The Top

590 You've Got To Hide Your Love

Away

590 Your Song

599 To Sir, With Love

600 Torn

601 Wake Me Up

601 Wannabe

601 Wedding Bell Blues

604 Touch A Touch A Touch A Touch Me

604 UpUpUp

606 All Or Nothing

606 Alone

606 Cry

606 Leaving On A Jet Plane

606 Let It Go

606 Mickey

606 Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) 606 Mr. Roboto / Counting Stars 606 Try A Little Tenderness

606 U Can't Touch This

606 Uninvited

606 Vacation

606 Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' 606 What Kind Of Fool

606 Whistle

606 Will You Love Me Tomorrow /

Head Over Feet 606 Wishin' And Hoping

606 YouAndI/YouAndI

624 Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

624 Do You Hear What I Hear? 624 Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh

Yeah)

624 Lucky Star

624 Merry Christmas Darling 629 Damn It, Janet

629 Danny's Song

629 Daydream Believer

629 Deck The Rooftop

629 Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead 634 All I Want For Christmas Is You 634 Angels We Have Heard On High 634 Anything Goes / Anything You Can

Do

634 As If We Never Said Goodbye

634 As Long As You're There 634 Bamboleo / Hero

634 Bella Notte

634 Copacabana

634 Do They Know It's Christmas? 634 Last Christmas

634 Let It Snow

634 We Need A Little Christmas

634 Welcome Christmas

634 Whenever I Call You Friend

634 Whip It

634 You Are The Sunshine Of My Life

650 All You Need Is Love

651 Americano / Dance Again

652 Crush

653 Big Spender

653 Make 'Em Laugh

653 White Christmas

653 Yeah!

657 (Charlie Chaplin song)

657 (originally by Michael Bublé) 657 Away In A Manger

657 Baby Got Back

657 Christmas Eve With You 657 Come Sail Away

657 You Are Woman, I Am Man 657 You Spin Me Round (Like A

Record)

665 You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch

666 Starlight Express

666 The Trolley Song

666 The Winner Takes It All

666 There's A Light (Over At The

Frankenstein Place) 670 Take Care Of Yourself

671 Sweet Caroline

672 Ben

672 Best Day Of My Life 672 Blue Christmas

672 Candles

676 Starships

676 Suddenly Seymour 676 Sweet Transvestite

679 Thong Song

680 The Fox (What Does The Fox

Say?)

680 The Living Years

682 The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)

682 The First Noël

[giornocentric]

Bucci gang’s Christmas

It’s that time of year again and I’m feeling especially Christmas-y right now, even though it’s still November.

I’m the type of person to get really happy around this time of year and I’m definitely the first to set up and decorate the tree (I’m the person people make those memes about). I love my family (half are Christian and half are Jewish) and the gifts and the food and music and just everything, and I can’t help but want to spend it with my favorite people on Earth!! (yes I know they’re fictional characters, Karen)

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦•······················•✦•

Bruno Bucciarati

He’s not the biggest on Christmas but would love to celebrate it with the gang or his s/o if he had one at the time. Christmas is celebrated much differently in Italy so he would laugh at your more Western expectation of Christmas and would insist it’s better this way, less commercial and more centered around the Catholic/Christian importance of the day.

This is not to say Bruno is Catholic or Christian but I believe he would feel more comfortable and happier without the CRAZINESS of Western/American Christmases and would just enjoy spending time with you and his teammates/friends, along with maybe a small tree and an occasional Christmas song.

When he received a small gift his eyes widened, “Wait what’s this for?” He would be so shocked, he had never gotten a gift on Christmas, he didn’t even realize that it was something people actually did, he thought it was only in movies. Once his s/o explained what a Christmas gift was, he would open it hesitantly and smile in awe then return the favor with a kiss. “Sorry I didn’t get you anything, Tesoro.”

He would be the one to make Christmas dinner for you and the gang, more than likely, antipasti and pasta with a walnut cream sauce and Panettone (Christmas cake) that he’d ask if you wanted to help him bake, which would probably end up with both of you covered in batter and icing.

Giorno Giovanna

Christmas? is that a fruit? He has never celebrated or even thought about celebrating it, but his s/o wants to and Bruno does too? He will, but what exactly does that entail? Does he dress up like Saint Nicholas? He‘s never actually had a family to celebrate with so you have a LOT of explaining to do and then he’s SO EXCITED and wants to do EVERYTHING and now it’s time to make up for lost time.

Once he understands, he’s a little extreme, he’s already made a gingerbread house, cut down a real tree and decorated it, bought everyone TEN gifts and has an ugly sweater on, waiting for you to see and be impressed and well... you are. He’s admittedly looking for praise so you have to let him see just how much you appreciate it, maybe with a little kiss or a gift of your own.

Be prepared for an absolute marathon of Christmas movies, possibly accompanied by a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows or a cup of eggnog with extra cinnamon and a side of gingerbread cookies. So many gingerbread cookies. But you snuggle together away from the cold so that makes up for it, most of the time you both stop watching the movie and it’s just the two of you making out or staring at each other, longingly.

Once the entire house smells like Yankee Candles and you can barely breathe over the cinnamon and peppermint, it’s time to tell that poor boy he needs to stop. But before you can, you walk right under the dreaded mistletoe (trap) that he’s put up pretty much everywhere and he’s coming up to you and shutting you right up. He kisses you and with a cheeky grin and says “What was that about taking away Christmas away? You don’t like it, dolcezza?”

Leone Abbacchio

Two words. Seasonal Depression. Abbacchio is a bit of a grinch when it comes to Christmas. Truthfully, he doesn’t want to hate it, but his depression is bad during this time so if he goes to the Christmas get-together with you and the gang, he will most likely be drinking an ungodly amount of alcohol. His s/o might be able to calm him down and reassure him enough to attend but he will misserable no matter what, he’ll stay for the gifts and food though, regardless of how much he wants to leave.

Once he’s drunk and people are opening presents is when his emotions overwhelm him and he breaks into tears at the smallest things (Narancia received a CD from him that he already owned and Abbacchio felt guilty not knowing Narancia well enough to know which albums he already had.) His s/o is one of the only people who can calm him down in that moment, laying his head in your lap as you play with his hair and hum softly.

Now he goes through the second stage of grief, thrashing out the tree and throwing gifts and screaming about how much he loves you and Christmas and that delicious food and alcohol. He’s a mess, and before he gets any more drunk and destroys anything else, you have to drag him home and force him to lay down and sleep it off.

But Abbacchio wants to give you his gift, and before you can protest, he’s already on you, kissing you everywhere and mumbling incoherently about how much you mean to him and how good you are to him, but soon he breaks into tears once more as he convinces himself that he doesn’t deserve you. “I’m so stupid! I ruined everything! You probably don’t even love me anymore, and I don’t blame you for it.”

You just have to reassure him a little more until he finally passes out from the alcohol.

Pannacotta Fugo

Has mixed feelings about Christmas, he used to love it as a kid but now the memories are a little tainted by thoughts of his mom and dad and he thinks about being abandoned by them and it makes him angry, sad, and scared. But if he had an s/o, he would agree to celebrating it with them, they could make new memories that would help the bad ones fade away.

Fugo might ask for specific things to make him feel more comfortable and safe. Opening presents might bring on a little fear/bad thoughts, as well as the board games and card games, so you should be prepared to comfort him in any and every way possible. In my opinion, he’d love for you to hold him tightly and feed him your food as he complains about the music being too loud or the house being too cold, to which he’d snuggle closer to you.

When the group sees the two of you, and a totally different side of Fugo, some of them stare, some of them make snarky comments and laugh, and Narancia sighs before getting pissed at the ones who laughed. Fugo, doesn’t care much in that moment, of course he’s gritting his teeth and his nails are digging into his skin but he loves you far too much and feels too comfortable to mess with them.

Once he’s completely comfortable, you both go for a walk in the snow (much to Fugo’s dismay) talking about the meaning of Christmas to you and him. When Fugo’s disposition gets a little worse from talking about his past, you get down on one knee and create a little snowball. Holding it out, you tell him you’ve fallen for him much like this snow or that you love him snow much and ask him if you could have the honor of him being your boyfriend. He laughs at first at the cheesy/cringey puns then his eyes widen and he’s in so much disbelief that someone like you could love him. He bends down to meet your face, tilts your head up slightly and kisses you.

“I guess that’s a yes?” Now Christmas is going to have a totally different meaning for him.

Narancia Ghirga

“Where’s my gift?” “Is that mine?” “When can we open presents?” “What did you get me?” He knows everything about American Christmases and will run around the room, take a bite of food, get up, run around again, sit by the tree, open a gift, yell what he thinks it is then tears it open and repeats until all his gifts are opened.

When it’s someone else’s turn, he will look to his s/o and sigh. He might ask you to play a game with him while he waits, or sneak him some cake. Narancia is the type to constantly engage in the festivities and gets easily bored. If he gets you a gift it’s most likely something small and inexpensive because the boy is poor, but you will continue to Cherish it for many years to come.

Once the Christmas music is blaring and everyone has opened presents, Narancia is dancing like a maniac and pulling you on the floor to join. He’s not the greatest at slow dancing, but he’s probably better than most of the gang as he’s been to school dances before joining Passione. He doesn’t speak much in the moment but his hands are on your shoulders and you’re swaying un-gracefully until you both trip and fall on each other. “Are you alright, Mi Amore?” he asks quietly before building up the courage to kiss you.

Eventually you’re both off of the floor and Narancia is back to his enthusiastic, happy-go-lucky self, and is bragging about getting to kiss you and yelling about great you are. Get ready for a night of him being an absolute show off in front of his teammates and be prepared to drag him back home.

Guido Mista

I think Mista would treat this day the most seriously out of the group, only because I headcanon him as Catholic/Christian or religious in some way. He would probably enjoy taking his s/o with him to San Gregorio Armeno and San Gregorio Armeno Church in Napoli, also known as Christmas Alley to see the Prespes (Nativity scene of Jesus’ birth) and overall would be very happy about Christmas and the joy it brings him.

Mista would also absolutely adore going to classical music concerts and Christmas concerts. It would remind him of a time when he was a carefree child and would bring him so much joy. Of course he would drag you around with him and UGH he would just have the realest smile on his face, so content, thankful, and happy.

Soon he would realize he was late for the Christmas party but he’d walk extra slow so he could enjoy his time with you just a little longer. He would also be the type to start a random snow ball fight, like you’re just walking in front of him and suddenly a snow ball hits you with the help of Number 5 and Oh, it’s on. The battle goes on for a while until you’re both tired and in a little pain so Mista kisses your cheek then offers a piggyback ride, even if you’re too heavy, he’s ready to pick you up and carry you all the way to the house.

Once you both get there, you crash on the couch, eat some food and then open the leftover presents. You reach for the same gift and his hand is on top of yours. You can’t help but lean in and place a kiss on his lips and he kisses back, it’s a true Christmas miracle.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦•······················•✦•

I’m SO sorry I kinda got lazy/lost inspiration with Mista’s but please accept this trash 🗑 :)

[mosylufanfic]

Five Times They Got Caught Off-Guard (and one time they decided to settle the question)

Hail, @youareiron-andyouarestrong, I am your Secret Santa! Merry Christmas and here's your present! The prompt “WHO KEEPS HANGING MISTLETOE EVERYWHERE WE ARE” just made me giggle, so I wrote a goofy, fluffy, slightly pratfall-y 5 Times fic. I didn't use all your ideas for majors, but I definitely enjoyed hearing them. You said smut was okay, and while this is still T, it’s pushing the upper edge by the end. I hope you enjoy it, and that you have an amazing remainder of the Christmas season!

Five Times They Got Caught Off-Guard (and one time they decided to settle the question)

Cassian was stripping meat from bone with unsettling efficiency when Jyn walked in the kitchen. 

"I can't believe you want more of that dusty jerky," she said, hoisting herself up to sit on the counter. "I've still got strings in my teeth." She picked her teeth with her fingernail to demonstrate.

"I'm making soup," he said, tossing a leg bone onto a plate and a few scraps of overcooked, dried-out turkey meat into a bowl. "Might as well get some good out of this bird."

"Ah," she said, reaching down for a carrot stick from the veggie platter that Han Solo, that cheap motherfucker, had contributed to their dinner. "Good idea. Do Americans really eat one of those awful things every year?"

"I think it's usually a little tastier." He shrugged, as unfamiliar with American Thanksgiving as she was.

A big noisy holiday dinner had been Bodhi's idea. Most of them in the elderly, rambling house just off campus were too poor to make it home over the break, and about half of them were international students anyway.

Add in some of the strays that Bodhi seemed to pick up like a magnet picking up leftover paper clips, and there had been enough people, and enough dishes, to make up for the dreadful main event. Jyn rubbed her belly and wondered if there was any of Bodhi's veggie curry left. Or the elote Cassian had made. Or the chocolate silk pie that their landlords Chirrut and Baze had brought. Her mouth watered.

A yell exploded from the living room. They both paused in what they were doing and exchanged eyerolls. They'd been booed down for attempting to veto the American football game on the telly.

"Call that football," Jyn said, and bit the carrot stick in half.

"Que chafa," Cassian said, shaking his head.

She laughed. "Man United is playing, too. Night game. Probably almost done."

"Since when do you root for them?"

"Watch your mouth, asshole, I'm rooting for whoever's playing them."

He smiled to himself, looking over at her. Suddenly his smile faded.

"What?" she said. "What are you staring at?"

"How long has that been there?"

"What?" She grabbed a spoon out of the drawer and tried to use it as a mirror. "I got something in my teeth?" Fucking turkey. She'd taken a slice for politeness, even though it had required a gulp of water after every bite.

"No," he said patiently, "look up."

She craned her neck and squinted at the ceiling, almost directly above her. "That's mistletoe."

"Yes, I thought so too."

She lowered her gaze and met Cassian's, feeling her cheeks heat. "I didn't put it up."

He looked away, back at the bird he was still stripping down. "Neither did I."

Her lips tingled. She bit them, and made herself stop. "Someone getting ahead of themselves with Christmas decorations," she said airily, hopping off the counter and sliding past him.

He lifted his head. "Where are you going?"

"I - " She shrugged. "Dunno, my room or something."

He reached over and pulled a giant knife out of the knife block. "Here. Make yourself useful and chop some veggies for the soup."

"You're actually going to let me help in your kitchen?"

"It can't be insulted any worse than it was today," he said. "Leia Organa will be running the world one day, but she won't be feeding it."

"It was supposed to be her brother," she pointed out, taking the knife. "Just, his flight got cancelled and she insisted on doing it in his place. Why'd you let her?"

"Because I've never cooked a twenty-pound turkey before and I foolishly thought she had. Celery and carrots," he instructed, passing her the veggie platter. "Leave the tomato and broccoli."

"You still would have been salty if Luke had been cooking the bird," she observed, following orders. 

"Yes, but we probably would have been able to eat it."

Jyn chopped up the veggies at his direction. When she was done, she leaned against the counter to watch as he performed culinary alchemy, combining seemingly random herbs and spices with the veggies and the remains of the turkey carcass. 

"There," he said, covering it with water and setting the timer on his precious slow cooker. "Let it cook overnight and I'll add noodles in the morning."

She almost moaned. Turkey noodle soup while it was cold and rainy out sounded perfect. "Save some for me."

"Cooks' portion," he said and gave her a rare smile. "You make a good assistant."

"Great," she said. "A fallback in case the cybersecurity market goes to shit before I finish my thesis."

They washed the dishes they'd used, leaving them in the drying rack as the dishwasher chugged away at the dishes from dinner. It was comfortable and companionable and if Jyn thought of the mistletoe dangling above their heads about once a minute or so, she felt sure that Cassian didn't notice.

He nudged her as he was wiping his hands dry. "Want to come hang out in my room? Avoid the fake football?"

She felt the blush start somewhere in her stomach. She crossed her arms, smirking at him. "You hit on all your kitchen assistants?"

Behind his beard, his cheeks darkened. "What? I - no - I - "

Oh. Damn. Well. Fuck, this was awkward.

"I meant to watch the Cruz Azul game on my tablet," he said. "It'll be in Spanish."

She swallowed and attempted a joke. "What's the odds somebody's gonna trip over nothing, roll around like his femur is shattered, and get up five seconds later to jog off the pitch?"

"High," he said, sounding like their housemate Kay, who was going for his PhD in statistics. "Very high."

"Well, that's more like it. Yeah, all right."

--

Cassian rubbed his temples. He had a bitter headache and had just sent out a piteous text to the house group chat, begging for someone, anyone, to bring him a coffee. 

He focused on the essay in front of him. "Alicia, I'd like to see you expand more on this point. You gloss over it somewhat. Professor Draven graded you down for that on your last essay, remember?"

The undergrad he was working with shook her mass of blond ringlets back over her shoulders and scooted her chair closer to his. Why, he couldn't imagine, because his office wasn't much bigger than a closet. "What do you suggest?" she asked.

Even though Alicia was in another section of Professor Draven's 202 class and thus had a different TA, she always came to see Cassian for help with her assignments. A lot of international students in the poli-sci department tended to find him, because of the number of languages he spoke. Alicia had been the most regular this semester, dropping by before every test and essay. Her heavy body spray, some kind of vanilla musk, filled his tiny office and intensified his headache.

He made some suggestions and she noted them down. "So what are your plans for Christmas?" she asked. 

"Oh, I can't really afford to go back to Mexico for the holiday, so I'm staying here." He scanned along. "Now this conclusion is rather good, but it will only be strengthened if you expand on your earlier point."

"So you won't see your family? That's so sad, Cassi!" She put her hand on his arm. "My roommate and I are having a party after finals, before I leave for Berlin. Would you like to come?"

"Um," he said. "I - maybe we should get back to the essay."

A knock at the door interrupted him, and he looked up. Jyn leaned in. "Got a coffee," she said. "Want it?"

"Yes, please," Cassian said, reaching his hand out to take it. He took a sip. Three sugars, no cream, perfect. He smiled at her. "Do I owe you?"

"Your first-born, as agreed."

"Will you take a rain check?"

"No," she said, poker-faced, "I demand a baby right now. Make sure it's a nice plump one."

He chuckled and took another drink. His headache was already receding.

Alicia was studying them both, narrow-eyed. "Is that your girlfriend, Cassi?" she asked in German.

But it was Jyn who answered, in the same language. "Nope," she said, leaning against the doorjamb and slurping from her own takeout cup. Tea, probably, strong and sweet and milky. She was very English in that way. "Just his housemate and caffeine delivery person."

Alicia studied her for another moment, then shrugged and smiled. "Nice to meet you." She turned her back and said, "Can you tell me more about the parts in the middle that needed work?"

"Actually," Cassian said, handing her essay back, "I think we were about done."

"Oh - but -"

"I have to prepare for class," he said firmly. "Just work on those sections and it'll be an excellent final project."

"I still wanted to ask you - "

Even more firmly, he added, "I hope you have a good trip back to Berlin."

Alicia bit her heavily-glossed lip. "I'd still love to see you at my party. Here's my address."  She scribbled on a piece of paper from her notebook and handed it to him. "Lots of fun, I promise!"

Cassian waited until she was gone to drop it in his trash can. 

"Frequent flier?" Jyn asked, taking the seat she'd left behind.

Cassian shrugged, leaning over to crack the window. The air that rushed in was bitter-cold, but clean and fresh, chasing vanilla musk out. "She always wants a lot of help, but never really needs it. Her work is very good as is. I think she just wants reassurance." He opened a drawer and found a pack of crackers, offering her one.

Jyn took it and crunched in. "Or she's pursuing you."

He almost choked on his own cracker. "She's - I'm sorry?"

"She wants in your pants real bad."

"I'm sure she doesn't."

"I'm sure she does."

"She's just a very conscientious student, always works hard on her essays, arrives early for  . . . office hours . . . " He trailed off. "Oh."

Jyn chortled into her tea. "Wake up and smell the perfume, Cassi."

He made a face. "Don't."

"Why not? Don't you like it?"

"No, but I've given up trying to correct her." He looked at his trash can, the party invitation taking on a whole different cast. "Hell."

"Not into it? She's pretty cute."

"No," he said. "And annoyed you had to tell me. I thought she just really liked international relations."

She patted his arm. "She probably does, but she's thinking of a whole different kind of relations." She looked up and froze. "And she's very determined about it, too."

"What now?" he said rather wearily.

She pointed and he looked up to see a sprig of mistletoe hanging from his ceiling. He squinted. "How did that get there?"

"Was she early today?"

"Yes, but how would she get it up there?"

"Was your desk rearranged?"

Now that he thought of it, his keyboard was a little off-center, as if it had been moved and then moved back, maybe when a certain blonde German undergrad had climbed up on his desk to hang mistletoe from his ceiling.

Jyn laughed out loud. "For a journalist, Cassian, you're not very observant, are you?"

"I blame the headache," he said, reaching up for the mistletoe. It eluded the very tips of his fingers.

"I got it," she said, stepping up onto her chair and then nudging the keyboard aside so she could climb on the desk. 

"Jyn - !"

"I'm fine, I've got it," she repeated, stretching up for the mistletoe. She had to go up on her toes to get at where Alicia had taped it to the ceiling, and yank hard. "What did she use?" she grunted, "superglue?" She yanked again, and the sprig came free, knocking her off-balance. She took a step into thin air.

Cassian grabbed her waist. "Steady!"

She teetered, folded over, grabbed his shoulders, and they both froze. She shifted carefully, getting both feet firmly back onto the desk. 

"M'alright," she said.

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

He became aware that his arms were wrapped around her hips and his face was practically buried in her - ah. 

And he'd knocked both their chairs aside when he'd grabbed for her. They were just far enough away that he couldn't hook one with his foot and drag it over, not with their combined balances so tricky.

"I'm going to bring you down," he said. "All right?"

"Uh-huh."

He shifted his grip, stepped back, and for a moment her whole soft, curving weight slid down his front. Her boots hit the industrial carpet with a thump, and they both let go very fast.

"Thanks," she mumbled, her face pink. She snatched up her tea, which had miraculously survived the shenanigans, and backed through the door. "I'm just - I - see you at home, yeah?"

"No problem," he said, watching her go.

--

Jyn walked in, went directly to the couch, and faceplanted. 

Some time later, she heard the door open and Cassian's footsteps on the creaky old wood floors. "Jyn?"

"Ungh."

"Are you alive?"

"No."

He sounded amused. "What killed you?"

"An all-nighter," she groaned into the cushions. "A bitch of a project. Bugs. Bugs everywhere. It's raining and I forgot my umbrella so I'm cold and wet, and I didn't eat lunch, and I may have to do my project over again because like I said, it was a bitch."

"Anything else?"

She considered. "My foot hurts."

"Well," he said. "I guess I'll just leave your deceased corpse there to rot. It'll be very smelly." He walked out again, creak-creak-creak.

"Nice," she mumbled into the cushions. "Spending too much time around Kay, that's what he's doing."

She considered getting up. Changing out of her wet clothes. Heating up some soup. She groaned again, and downgraded her expectations to getting her wet socks off.

She'd just chucked them to the floor - splat - and was attempting to burrow her chilled feet into the divide between cushions when the floors creaked again. Something thick and warm settled over her. She grunted and turned her head, rubbing her fingers against the fuzziness of the blanket. "What - "

"Just in case you might be revived," Cassian said, crouching by her head. 

She smiled at hm, pulling her feet in under the blanket. They began to sting and prickle with warmth. "It is the season of miracles and all that."

His hair fell damp and soft over his forehead, and his shoulders were rain-spattered, so he must have come in just after her. He could have changed clothes or gotten his own food, but he'd elected to get her a blanket instead.

She wanted to reach out and brush her fingers over his beard. Would it be scratchy or soft? She wanted to run her hand down his throat and feel the motion of his Adam's apple as he swallowed hard. 

His eyes flicked up and he frowned. 

She pulled her hand to her chest, afraid she might have already been reaching out to touch him. “What?”

He pointed, and she twisted her head on the cushion to see a sprig of mistletoe hanging from the reading lamp parked almost directly above their two heads.

“What - “ she said, looking back at him.

They both realized at the same time how close their faces were, and he lurched back, almost butt-planting before staggering to his feet. “Anyway,” he said. “I’ll leave you to warm up.”

“Thanks for the blanket,” she said. “You want it back?”

He shrugged, backing away. “I have more.”

When he was gone, she pulled it over her head with a groan. 

--

Cassian was grading papers from his section when Jyn found him in the library. "Just who I was looking for," she said, plopping down.

"Have a seat," he said absently, opening up the next essay that had been electronically turned in at the last possible second. 

"Have you thought about Christmas presents yet?"

Who could think of presents when he had forty-two essays to wade through and an analysis of the effects of European colonialism on Egyptian foreign policy due in three days? But he set his stylus down and said, "No, why?"

"Because I found the perfect thing for Bodes." She called up a website on her tablet and passed it over. "Look at it. No really. Look. Couldn't you imagine Bodhi's face when he unwraps that?"

Cassian studied the bomber jacket on Jyn's screen. Buttery chocolate-colored leather with a shearling collar, warm and thick and stylish. "He would love it. But the price - "

"I know, I know. That's why I'm showing you."

"Even half the cost is a lot," he said gently. "My budget is candy canes this year and even then it'll be the cheap ones."

"I can math," she said. "And you don't have to give me anything. Look, the more of us get on board, the smaller the individual cost will be. If I blackmail Leia and sweet-talk Han and you appeal to Kay's sense of logic - oh, hey, have you got anything on Han? Because I'm not so sure about my sweet-talking skills."

"You have this all planned out, don't you?"

"Bodes has had a shit year," she said. "We can't send him back to London to see his mum and sisters, but we can give him something."

He bumped his stylus against his lower lip. “Chewie will be in no problem, so ask him first and he'll make Han do it. And go by the Philosophy department to talk to Chirrut and Baze. They're both teaching this afternoon."

She grinned at him. "Right, I'll just have to catch Chirrut after his capstone seminar but before Baze gets out of his 101."

"Good thinking." Baze was always grumpy after a section of his Intro course, mumbling under his breath about pampered babies who wouldn't know Aristotelian ethics if it bit them on the ass. "Just don't let them pay for the whole thing. I want in. And I'll see who else I can round up."

"You're the best," she said. 

Two boys walked up, holding hands. "Hi, uh - "

Jyn leaned back in her chair. "Can we help you?"

"Are you guys using this table?"

"Uh, pretty obviously yeah."

"It's just that we kind of wanted to sit here."

"There's like a thousand other tables on this floor alone."

Although, Cassian reflected, none of the others were tucked away in a sunny corner behind bookshelves, private and quiet.

"I know, but - " The shorter guy blushed. "This one has the mistletoe on the window."

They both looked up. Cassian swore under his breath.

Jyn got up so fast she almost knocked her chair over. "All yours, lads," she said. 

--

When Jyn told her about the mistletoe issue, Leia was supremely unsympathetic. "So? You happen to see some Christmas decorations sometimes, and sometimes you happen to be with Cassian when you do. It's December and we live in a society that pushes a yearly orgy of consumerism with the promise that - "

"Blah blah late stage capitalism, yes, I know, but," Jyn said. "It's getting out of hand."

Leia looked skeptical. 

“I swear to you," Jyn said darkly, "that if Cassian comes along, a piece of mistletoe will materialize over our heads within twenty seconds."

"Confirmation bias," Leia said. 

"Is not!"

"Is," Leia said. "Mistletoe as a decoration is ridiculously common. Look, there’s some above the door right there.” Leia gestured at the door of the Echo Base Coffee Roastery. “And no Cassian.”

“Give it time,” Jyn said. 

Leia rolled her eyes. “It's not that the two of you are making it manifest, It's just that you're hyper-aware of it when you're with him." She smirked at her. "And why is that?"

"Because it's haunting us," Jyn growled.

"Because you want to kiss him so bad you're drooling," Leia said and bit into her scone. 

“So what if I am,” Jyn said, and slouched in her chair.

Leia stopped mid-chew. “Wow,” she said. “You really want to if you’re not denying it. So why haven't you just laid one on him?”

“He’s so calm,” she said. “I don’t know what he wants. He’s impossible to read. What if I slap lips on him and he screams and runs?”

Leia arched a brow. “Unlikely.”

Jyn pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look, I know what to do.”

“Slap lips on him, as you so romantically put it?”

“Nope. Avoid him until Boxing Day. You Americans rip everything down at 11:30 pm Christmas Day, and it’s like the holiday never existed. No mistletoe, no problem.”

“Yes,” Leia grinned, “but then it’s all Valentine's Day, all the time.”

Jyn’s face worked and then she huffed. “I’ll see you later.”

“You know I’m riiiiight,” Leia sang into her coffee cup, and Jyn made an obscene gesture. She stomped toward the door. Before she could grab the handle, it opened to reveal Cassian, Kay on his heels. 

He stopped.

She stopped. 

As if they’d practiced it, they both looked up at the mistletoe at the same time.

“Right,” Jyn said, pink-faced. “See you later then. Bye.” She nodded at their other housemate. “Kay.”

“Jyn,” Kay said, and stepped around her and Cassian both, announcing, “I advise you to get out of the way and permit the door to close. The wind is very cutting today."

“Right,” Cassian said. For a moment, he and Jyn performed a sort of awkward, shuffling dance as they both tried to pass through in opposite directions. Finally, Jyn was out, Cassian was in, and the door was closed.

Through the window to the left of the door, Jyn caught Leia’s eye. She pointed upward and mouthed I told you! Didn’t I tell you?! She was gesticulating so wildly she almost ran into a pole, and Leia made a dismayed sound.

Cassian looked at her. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” she said, watching Jyn scramble out of sight. “Just got some coffee down the wrong pipe.”

He looked doubtful, but turned back to Kay. “This is exactly what I was talking about. Now do you believe me?”

“Confirmation bias,” Kay said, surveying the offerings in the pastry case.

Leia smirked into her coffee again.

--

Jyn turned in her last final on the Thursday before Christmas, and slept like the dead for fourteen hours. 

She wasn't the only one. The house was full of post-finals zombies. When she shuffled out of her attic room and down the stairs in sock feet and ragged sweatpants, she found Chewie, eyes hidden behind his mop of hair, wandering around the second-floor hallway with a toothbrush in his mouth. "Done with the bathroom?" she asked.

He grunted, went back and spit out his toothbrush, came out, and grunted again. Interpreting that to mean all yours, she crawled into the shower and cranked it as hot as it would go. She counted herself lucky that she'd remembered to peel off her sweatpants first.

She felt more human by the time she snapped the water off and climbed out. The sweatpants went back on, but she promised herself that she'd trade them for clean clothes up in her room. Rambling out of the bathroom, rubbing a towel over her hair, she almost crashed directly into Cassian. "Uh," she said. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Hi." Shit, she'd said that already. She slouched against the doorjamb, hoping she looked incredibly casual and not like she was feeling self-conscious about being caught by him in her rattiest clothing. "How's the grading?"

"Turned in," he said. "You? How did your final project turn out?"

"All in. It's probably shit, but it's in."

"I'm sure it's not," he said.

She shrugged. "How's everyone else holding up? Does Bodhi still gibber when you say the words high pressure system to him?" Their friend's aeronautical meteorology class had kicked his ass. 

"He's downgraded to whimpers."

Somewhere off in the distance, the doorbell rang, with the four-note sequence of the Addams Family theme. (Chirrut thought it was funny.)

Jyn ignored it. Someone downstairs would get it and she didn't feel like moving. "Well, that's progress. We should go out tonight or something."

"Us?"

She choked. "Uh, yeah, all of us here in the house. Big, uh, big housemate post-finals party. Alcohol and cake and - " Debauchery, she almost said, and changed it to - "Frivolity."

"Maybe pizza to soak up the booze and sugar," he said.

"Right, yeah, that sounds good." She grinned. "The Mill?"

"That's a good choice. Han's so lazy he refuses to decorate for Christmas, so - "

"No mistletoe," she said brightly, and just like that it was all awkward between them.

She thought of Leia's skepticism that she'd be able to bury all this after Christmas. Especially with Valentine's Day coming up. 

He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck and averted his eyes. "Jyn, I - " He choked on the rest of his sentence, staring at a spot just over her head.

With a certain feeling of inevitability, she followed his gaze to see a sprig of mistletoe, hanging from the light fixture.

She dropped her eyes again and met his.

He said, "I still don't know who's putting those up."

"Me neither."

"At least in here," he added. 

"Right. Yeah. The Roastery and the library were probably . . . some poor worker who's getting paid minimum wage to climb on a ladder and - " She felt herself rambling and hiked up her chin. "Look, it's five days until Christmas. We don't know why these are suddenly turning up around us but it's just making it weirder and weirder, so I say we settle the question."

"The . . . question," he said carefully.

"Yeah. Let's just kiss and get it over with."

". . . That question."

The doorbell rang again, more insistently. Neither of them moved. 

She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. "Well?"

He swallowed. She followed the motion of his Adam's apple down his throat and felt herself break out in a sweat, heat thrumming at all her pulse points. She wasn't sure when she'd decided she wanted to lick his neck, but she did, she did. Maybe some heretofore unsuspected infection of vampirism.

"Maybe we should," he said in a low rumble.

She unfolded her arms and rested her hands high up on his chest. Damn, he was tall. She tilted her head back to meet Cassian's eyes, sticking her chin out in a dare. Go on, then.

Downstairs, a babble of voices broke out. They could have been in the next zip code for all Jyn cared. 

He put his hands to her waist, warm through her worn-thin Gerrera's Gym t-shirt, and leaned down. She shut her eyes just before his mouth brushed hers.

Dry, warm. Fleeting. Tendrils of agreeable heat began to curl through her belly.

Then he was gone.

She swallowed and opened her eyes again, feeling the tendrils of heat curl themselves into nothing.

Her body hummed with tension and dissatisfaction. Was that it? Was that little taste all she was getting?

Even though the light fixture and its stupid, stupid mistletoe was right above their heads, she couldn't read his expression.

She dropped her hands. "Okay. That's done, th-" 

The last word was cut off by his mouth covering hers again. Her back hit the wall so hard the light fixture rattled. She ignored it, too busy winding her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him, kissing back hungrily.

This, now. This.

If the first kiss had been a taste, this was a five-course banquet. They devoured each other, tongues and teeth and lips and hands. His hands slid south of her waist, clamping on her ass and hauling her into the arc of his body. She whimpered and hooked one leg over his hip. He pressed her harder into the wall and licked into her mouth.

She gasped aloud when he left her mouth and started kissing her neck. Somehow, both her legs were locked around his hips, and his hands - Jesus, he had good hands. She felt like a volcano, all liquid heat inside and liable to go off at the slightest provocation.

"That's more like it," she said, and nipped at his ear.

"I've been wanting to do that since September," he said against her neck.

"So why didn't - ohhh," she groaned as his teeth scraped her skin.

"I'm usually very good at reading people. But I find you impossible to predict."

She grabbed his head in her hands and stared into his eyes. "Take me back to your room and fuck my brains out," she said. "How's that for a read?"

He rocked against her and demonstrated he had no problem with her proposed course of action. "Your room would be better."

"Yours is closer."

He kissed her hard. "I'm next to Kay."

"So," she mumbled into his mouth. 

"He's asleep."

"So?"

"I don't intend to be quiet."

Oh. Oh damn. There went her last brain cell. "Right," she gasped. "My room it is."

--

Over at the Mill some hours later, Leia watched them snuggle in a booth with a little smirk. 

She'd been keeping an eye on that, texting her brother with regular updates. Luke always liked hearing the gossip from her house, especially any news of a certain British-Pakistani aeronautics major. She'd always thought Cassian and Jyn had a certain similarity, under their wildly differing outer presentation. And of course they'd been thirsting for each other practically since they'd met. They made a cute couple.

The smirk turned into a blush when they started kissing and groping each other again. Okay, whenever they got over that in public, they would be a cute couple.

She turned toward the bar and the giant bowl of eggnog that Han Solo had rustled up. Call him what you like - and she did - he could pull a party together.

Bodhi was already there, pouring himself some. "Want one?"

"Absolutely," she said, leaning up next to him. "So - the mistletoe."

He ducked his head and made a sort of grunt.

"You were the one putting it all up in the house, right?" She'd noticed Bodhi decorating for the holiday as early as Thanksgiving morning. 

"Yep," he said on a sigh, passing her a full glass.

She chortled and took a sip that threatened to curl her eyebrows. It was very strong. She blinked and shook her head. When her tongue had regained feeling, she pursued her line of questioning. "What, did you just get tired of watching them orbit around each other for the past few months?"

"Actually . . ." He looked down into his own glass. "It wasn't for them."

She sputtered out her next sip of eggnog. "Say again?"

He sighed. "I had a whole plan. Remember how Luke was supposed to come for Thanksgiving?"

"And his flight got cancelled, yeah."

"And then he was supposed to crash on our couch over break?"

"And then his advisor asked him to stay to work on some 'special project'?" She made a face. She wouldn't be forgiving Professor Yoda anytime soon for attempting to deprive her of her twin. "But - "

"Well, I figured if there was all this mistletoe up, it would be sort . . . of . . . romantic," he mumbled.

Her hand stopped. "Bodhi," she said, slowly and clearly. "How long have you been crushing on my brother?"

"Look, I wasn't trying to be creepy - "

"Of course you weren't," she said. "Just - how long?"

He shook his head. "It's dumb, it doesn't matter."

A voice from behind him said, "I'm interested."

Bodhi whipped around to see Luke standing behind him, face bright and hopeful. "What - you - when?"

"A few hours ago," Luke said. "I drove overnight. I was taking a nap in her room until just now." He toasted Leia with his beer. "She left me a text to come on over."

Bodhi was still goggling at him, the tips of his ears going brick-red. "But I thought - " 

"I excused myself from the project. Professor Yoda's not too happy, but I don't care. So, uh, what was my sister saying? About you and mistletoe, and me?"

They wandered off, eyes only for each other, hands bumping. No need for mistletoe. 

Leia laughed to herself and drank more eggnog.

"Hey, princess, look what I found!" Han leaned over the bar and dangled a sprig of mistletoe over their heads. "Pucker up."

She tossed her eggnog in his face and marched off, refusing to reflect on the not-small part of her that had been intrigued. It would take more than mistletoe to get her to lock lips with Han Solo.

FINIS

[fandomoblivion]

Ella Enchanted (prologue)

Fandom: Stranger Things season 3

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader 

Summary: (Y/N), also known as Nine, was a girl being experimented on all her life by the Hawkins Lab, conditioned into following every command her brain heard. She managed to escape the lab, with the help of her little sister Eleven, and was taken in by Hopper. Now, it’s a year later, and the three of them are a happy family. She just got her first job, where she works alongside Steve “The Hair” Harrington… who her father doesn’t much like.

Warnings: Swearing, violence

Word Count: 1,356

Notes: This is the “Lot of Livin’ To Do” redo! Even if you read that prologue, please read this one as well, since I nearly doubled it in length! 

“I thought you forgot about me!” You sobbed, your face pale.

He held your head up, his eyes wild. “Never, Kiddo. Believe me, I would never.”

You clenched your hand around your open wound on your stomach, crying both tears of pain and happiness that you had been found.

“Shit, we gotta go, like, now.” He said, covering one of his own hands around your wound, trying to apply pressure and stop the never-ending bleeding while trying not to hurt you still.

“What?!” You cried, your breaths heavy. “N-No! They- Them! They’re still out there! And- and, and I wanna...” You dissolved into heavy sobs in his shoulder, and he held you tight against him, knowing that, in this second, he could protect you.

“Ssh... Kid, listen. El got them. They’re dead. But I promised her that when I found you, I’d take you straight to her for help. And... and I’ve found you.”

He hoisted you to your feet, and you almost collapsed instantly. “Shit.” He mumbled a quick, “C’mon, Kid. Up we go,” while picking you up in his arms. 

“Thank you Hopper.” You whispered. 

He huffed. “Don’t mention it.”

“Can you… tell me a story?” You asked, your head spinning from the amount of blood that had escaped. 

He sighed. “Once upon a time, there was a guy. And a girl.” At this point he was more carrying you than helping you walk. “They went to high school together. They used to meet under the bleachers, in the stairwell, wherever they could.” Your breaths were sharp and ragged. “They smoked together. And one day… Joyce-” 

He looked down, and your eyes were closed. “Fuck. Kid!” He said, shaking you in his arms. When you stirred, but didn’t wake or open your eyes, he broke into a sprint down the hall.

“Someone! Anyone! Help!” He yelled.

Mike and Lucas skidded down the hall. “Hopper!” Lucas yelled. They ran to each other, and the two young boys quickly spun around to match the direction that Hopper was running in with you. 

“We need to find someone.” Hopper said, his breathing ragged.

Mike cursed. “Mrs. Byers is down the hall, but she still hasn’t found anyone.”

“El!” Lucas yelled. The young girl turning the corner.

“Stop!” She yelled, halting all of you in an intersection of corridors. “Put her down.” she said, pointing at your body.

Hopper set you down on the cold linoleum floor. He watched as your chest rose and fell shallowly, one arm loosely draped over your own face.

The crimson stain of your shirt was growing ever larger, and it almost made Hopper’s stomach queasy.

Eleven closed her eyes and gripped one of your hands in her own.

“Mike, take off her shirt.” She said, turning her head toward Mike, but keeping her eyes closed.

Mike’s face turned bright red. Lucas awkwardly coughed and looked away as Mike lifted your shirt, revealing the most horrible gash in your skin that Hopper had ever seen. And he was in the police force.

He watched quietly as Eleven kept your hand in one of hers, and placed her other hand lightly on the injury. And although you weren’t conscious, your body contracted in pain when El’s small fingers touched it.

There were footsteps down the hall as Joyce came from one hallway, followed by Nancy and Jonathan. 

Everyone now was gathered around you and Eleven as the cut noticeably faded. The blood that had escaped your body already had stayed, though, keeping your skin shiny and your shirt damp. She moved her hand from your injury to putting two fingers on your forehead.

The absence of El’s hand showed your stomach had completely healed. Hopper, at the sight of this, let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

El’s hand started shaking, and it stopped as your eyes flew open.

“Fuck.” You mumbled, your wild eyes looking around at everyone. You reached your hands out, silently asking someone to help you sit up a little. Dustin and Lucas rushed forward, helping you lean up against a nearby wall. 

Your body shook with sobs. El sat down next to you and silently rested her head on your shoulder. You took your hand in hers. You looked down at her, smiling through the tears coursing down your cheeks. “Thank you, Eleven.”

“Son of a bitch, I know who you are!“

“Dustin, language.” Joyce mumbled, making everyone laugh through their blurred eyes.

“Sorry! It’s… it’s just… I didn’t know there were more.”

“Of course there are. She’s number eleven, you dumbass. That means there’s at least ten more.” Mike said, hitting Dustin upside his head. 

Hopper and El helped you to your feet. “I’ll take her home with me so El can watch over her. I’m sure she’ll be happy to have her sister back.” He looked to Eleven, who smiled in agreement. 

Joyce smiled and nodded. “I think that’s a great idea, Jim.” 

Hopper huffed and nodded, and he and Eleven helped walk you down the hall, towards the exit. 

You looked down at your wrist at the small “9” imprinted into your skin. You were scared beyond your wits, but insanely excited to see real sunlight for the first time. You were going to be a normal seventeen year-old. 

-----

Since you had left the lab, you been living with Hopper and Eleven. He had a nice home, a little cabin deep in the woods. You had agreed with both of them that until you all knew it was safe, you and El were not to leave the house without Hopper. 

Which meant you almost never left the house.

From one prison to another. 

You and El shared a room, but she soon grew restless. Soon enough, she was requesting your help every night to check up on Mike and his friends to see how they were doing. Now, you didn’t know these kids. They had only seen you once, when you were being rescued from Hawkins Lab, and since then Hopper had disallowed any contact with them. 

When El ran away, and Hopper had to leave to help Ms. Byers and her son again, you wanted nothing more than to leave too. You had the chance, too! No one was home, and you could set out to have your own adventure, and come back before Hopper even knew. 

Unfortunately, Hopper had told you the four words you wished he hadn’t. 

“Don’t leave the cabin.” 

So you couldn’t. 

See, Eleven was tortured into having telekinetic powers. You had heard whispers through the lab of another kid being “conditioned” into being able to create illusions in the eyes of others. Your brain was altered to obey every command it heard. Yup, you were a regular ole Ella Enchanted. 

So you didn’t leave the cabin. Yup, you were stuck there, bored out of your mind. You cleaned up the glass that had gotten everywhere from El’s little outburst. You rearranged all the furniture. The tv was broken, so you couldn’t even watch the news… you were cut off, isolated once again.

And then, Hopper came back. They tried to act as though they had never left. Hopper fixed the television, repaired the windows, and for Christmas, he adopted the two of you. Turns out, Eleven found out who you two really were, outside of the lab. Her name was Jane, and yours (Y/N). 

She still went by El though.

You helped her get ready for the Snow Ball, which you begged Hopper to let you go to, until you found out it was for middle schoolers. You asked him what middle school was, and he explained the American public school system. 

You hated it.

He also told you you’d have to jump in, head-first into your senior year of high school. You didn’t understand why, you had an education back at the Lab, but Hopper insisted. He forged school records, showing fake grades for fake courses so you could still graduate with everyone else. He wanted you to live like a normal seventeen year-old, even if it was just for one year. 

Which meant you needed to enjoy your summer before high school.

---

TAGLIST (bold means tumblr wont let me tag)

@a-hopeless-and-imaginative-girl . @alina-margaret . @anamcg317 . @annaewww . @blackandwhiteimagines . @bubblegumcat229 . @bucky-newtlock . @canny1902 .  @christinawxxx . @cosmickha0s . @creativedogs . @darkcrystal-wolf . @editsbyjenny . @eyeballtoes . @fandomsstolemylife00 . @fanatic-anne . @fredweasleysupportgroup . @ginger-swag-rapunzel . @golddvstwoman . @gracelynns . @grippleback-galaxy . @gruffle1 . @hananabee . @heavenlyholland . @hellhoundschewtoy . @in-my-dreams-2000 . @mackycat11 . @megsell99 . @metuel18 . @morganmindflayer . @notvvarriors . @opalrustad . @potterhead-witch . @queen1054 . @sheridans-dynamos . @thecaptainsgingersnap . @thegloryofliterature . @thoughstofaredhead . @ucantknowmeyet . @wastelandkitties . @whataloadofmalarkey​

[mariephillipswriter]

Square Eyes

Do they still say that if you watch too much television you'll get square eyes? Or is that an expression that went out of fashion when kids started spending all their time in front of the internet? Putting aside the obvious riposte (televisions aren't square, they're rectangular) I can report that I have been doing extensive research in this area and have come to the scientific conclusion: no, you won't. I have been watching so much television. SO MUCH TELEVISION. I never believed that I could watch such an immense quantity of television. On the whole I don't watch it during the day except for sometimes when I am having my breakfast and also when having my lunch, but in the evenings, when I have finished pretending to work, I might start watching television at about 6pm, or 5pm, or 4pm on a bad day, and keep going until, say, 11pm or midnight. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE. HOW CAN A PERSON LIVE THIS WAY. Well it's easy enough, it turns out, if you're under lockdown in London in December and it's dark from 4pm and raining most of the time and you have the emotional resources of a gnat and reading is too demanding and talking on the phone is too exhausting and the light in the living room is not good enough for doing a puzzle in evening hours and you quit social media a month or so ago because it was driving you out of your mind with anxiety. I don't watch six or seven or eight hours of television every night. Don't be ridiculous. Some nights I only watch about three hours of television because I have a Zoom call or I'm cooking dinner or I've got stuck into a good cryptic crossword, maybe the Saturday Times Jumbo one because the Guardian ones are too gimmicky, or at last I've found a book gripping yet easy enough that I can't put it down (thank you Robert Galbraith, thank you Marian Keyes), but I would say that three hours is the minimum and my god that is a LOT. EVERY DAY. THREE HOURS. MINIMUM. But you don't need to me to explain that to you because you are all watching three four five six seven hours of television every day and when you are not watching television you are phoning your friends and first of all talking about the specific way that your own personal lockdown is terrible but then eventually saying 'what are you watching on television' because what else is there even to talk about? At the start of lockdown there was quite a small pool of television that everyone was watching (that thing about the Tiger King, which I didn't watch because by the time I got back from my early lockdown in Costa Rica you'd all seen it, and Normal People which I didn't watch because I was too embarassed to sit through all the sex scenes with my flatmates, and I May Destroy You, which I didn't watch because about five minutes of it was enough to send me into a massive panic spiral, but I hear was very good), but once we had all (other than me) got through that and Covid dragged on for months, our conversations began taking on the tenor of Vikings crowding around one another as a boat returns from a foray, WHAT IS OUT THERE, WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT THERE, IS THERE SOMETHING OUT THERE THAT I MIGHT DESIRE? And the Viking says yes, there is this thing called Schitts Creek but you really have to push on through the first season because I promise you it gets better and better and you will start to love that obnoxious family. And then we all watched Schitts Creek. (Including me, it's wonderful, you have to push on through the first series you will start to love that obnoxious family, Dan Levy is a divinity in human form and if you want more of him you could do worse than checking out the lesbian Christmas-themed romcom Happiest Season, which you can rent from Amazon Prime.) And now we are beyond even that and all our lives resonate with the screeching sound of a televisual barrel being scraped and now this is when things get really interesting (or put another way, VERY VERY BORING) because everyone has fractured and we are all watching different kinds of random stuff found in the dusty corners and unloved algorithms of our streaming services. There's the friend who has got into watching obscure French crime series on Netflix (The Chalet! La Mante!) and the friend who is watching every episode of Poirot on Britbox (thirteen series, 70 episodes) (though that pales in comparison with the friend who did a total rewatch of Friends from beginning to end (236 episodes) and finished it ages ago and is starving for more) and the friend who calls me up seemingly every week with a new old show nobody else has ever heard of (such as the early 1990s Nigel Havers and Warren Clarke comedy spy drama Sleepers, which he is watching old-school-style on DVD, and which apparently is like The Americans only with Nigel Havers and funny, and also, you should watch The Americans.) When I look back on the amount of television I have watched this year it defies comprehension. There were the things I would have watched anyway like the whole of Strictly Come Dancing and His Dark Materials, and the things that took me by surprise, like the stealthily hilarious Danny Dyer gameshow The Wall that was on straight after Strictly and drove me into a total obsession with the way that Danny Dyer says "Drop 'Em" (he's talking about the balls that are dropped down the wall, it's hard to explain, you can find it on iPlayer, but meanwhile if you only click on one link in this whole newsletter PLEASE click on that one), there were the things that were created especially to get me through lockdown (the wonderful David Tennant and Michael Sheen Zoom comedy Staged, which is not only extremely funny but allows you to see inside David Tennant's house which I'm not sure I am technically allowed to watch because of the restraining order? Anyway, new series coming on Monday, fellow DT fans) and the familiar things I watched to soothe me when it all got too much (Doctor Who, starting before Tennant even gets in on the action, right at the begining of the New Who seasons with Christopher Eccleston, because armchair space travel is the only kind of travel we are going to be getting for a while) and the exciting things I watched when I could no longer bear the tedious repetition of every identical day (Line of Duty, in which the famous-for-the-far-inferior Bodyguard writer Jed Mercurio delivers ludicrously compelling twisty-turny stories about police corruption that cannot be predicted for even a nanosecond) and the things that I watched just because I loved them (Fosse/Verdon, the Bob Fosse and Gwen Verdon bio-series starring the breathtakingly charismatic Sam Rockwell and Michelle Williams, which is one of the best-made pieces of television I've ever seen, Love Life, the Anna Kendrick romantic comedy series which was surprisingly touching and truthful about the relationships that make up a life and which didn't make me want to open a vein as a single person the way that many looking-for-love shows do, and Better Things, a sort-of-comedy sort-of-drama written, directed by and starring Pamela Adlon, which began as a collaboration with Louis CK and initially reflected the sensibility of his show Louie, but became far more experimental and interesting once, after CK's disgrace, Adlon took over completely - the fourth series is maybe the closest thing I've seen on TV to a representation of the rhythms of real life, with long scenes of Adlon just cooking a meal on her own, or contemplating the rain, of having arguments with her children that explode from nowhere and end just as suddenly with tears or laughter or nothing at all.) And this entire paragraph is just things that I have watched on the BBC. Not even everything that I have watched on the BBC. The BBC is INCREDIBLE and my license fee has been serious value for money, before you even count all that time spent watching the news [Munch Scream emoji]. But overall, it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of television that I have watched this year. Though while we're here, have you noticed that sometimes it's more relaxing to watch something bad than something good? Have you noticed that a vapid, cliched show like Virgin River (heartbroken city nurse with a secret moves to small town and falls in love with battle-wounded bartender with a secret), a show that makes This Is Us look like Succession, has the same effect on your brain that taking off your work shoes and putting on your slippers has for your feet? You can rest now, it says, there is nothing more for you to do. Have you noticed how easy it is to chug down, say, four episodes in a row of Designated Survivor - a show designed by a committee charged with taking elements of The West Wing, Homeland and 24, and making something similar but, crucially, much more ridiculous - without your mind even noticing that anything has happened at all? And if you're really ready for something utterly idiotic, might I suggest The Bold Type, in which three twentysomething girls in bonkers designer outfits "work" at an aspirationally "feminist" glossy magazine, and by "work" I mean constantly leave the office in the middle of the day to take care of personal business, and by "feminist" I mean "empowering women by for example having them post selfies of themselves looking perfect but without makeup on social media", a feminism so very feminist that they called the magazine's parent company Steinem in the first series and then had to change it to Safford, I can only presume because Gloria Steinem threatened to sue them. A couple of episodes of that is the televisual equivalent of having a nice relaxing full frontal lobotomy. Don't get me wrong: I love these shows. I owe them more gratitude than I can say. I would be unable to survive without them. I've managed to watch five hours of television just since starting this post24 hours ago (three episodes of Doctor Who, half a really cheap and very bad Sky Arts documentary about the musical Hamilton, and a travelogue in which Torvill and Dean go in search of a frozen lake in Alaska on which to dance Bolero but can't find one for almost the entire show because of global warming, which made me simultaneously and conflictingly want to give up air travel, fly to Alaska immediately, become obsessed with Torvill and Dean AND wonder how they managed to skate together all these decades without killing each other especially Torvill but also especially Dean). Five hours of TV, sounds like a lot, but with eight hours of sleep, that still left me eleven hours to fill in this boring boring boring boring BORING BORING BORING boring boring BORING boring BORING BORING lockdown. I think I am being incredibly restrained, all things considered. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some time to kill, having finished writing this post, and with at least five hours to fill before bed. I wonder what's on TV?

***

Want this in your inbox? Subscribe at https://tinyletter.com/mariephillips/

[aroworlds]

Fiction: The Pride Conspiracy, Part One

December isn't the best time of year for a trans aromantic like Rowan Ross, although—unlike his relatives—his co-workers probably won't give him gift cards to women's clothing shops. How does he explain to cis people that while golf balls don't trigger his dysphoria, he wants to be seen as more than a masculine stereotype? Nonetheless, he thinks he has this teeth-gritted endurance thing figured out: cissexism means he needn't fear his relatives asking him about dating, and he has the perfect idea for Melanie in the office gift exchange. He can survive gifts and kin, right? Isn't playing along with expectation better than enduring unexpected consequences?

Rowan, however, isn't the only aromantic in the office planning to surprise a co-worker.

To survive the onslaught of ribbon and cellophane, Rowan's going to have to get comfortable with embracing the unknown.

Contains: A trans allo-frayro trying to grit his teeth through the holidays, scheming aro co-workers, a whole lot of cross-stitch, another moment of aromantic discovery, and many, many mugs.

Content Advisory: A story that focuses on some of the ways Western gift-giving culture enables cissexism and a rigid gender binary, taking place in the context of commercialised, secular-but-with-very-Christian-underpinnings Christmas. Please expect many references to said holiday in an office where Damien hasn't figured out how to run a gift exchange without subjecting everyone to Santa, along with characters who have work to do in recognising that not everybody celebrates Christmas.

There are no depictions or mentions of sexual attraction beyond the words "allosexual" and "bisexual" and a passing reference to allo-aro antagonism, but there are non-detailed references to Rowan's previous experiences with and attitudes towards romance and romantic attraction as a frayromantic. Please also expect casual references to amatonormativity and other shapes of cissexism.

Length: 4, 914 words (part one of two).

Note: You'll need to have read The Vampire Conundrum for many references to make sense.

Rowan should be assumed an Australian character in an Australian city. Our Christmas, therefore, involves hot weather, short sleeves, barbecues and confusion at certain holiday traditions common in the Northern Hemisphere. 

They’re aromantic. How isn’t he obligated to help decorate her desk in as many pride-related ways as possible? 

“It’s Secret Santa slash December Holiday Gift Exchange!” Damien emerges from the meeting room, shaking a paper-scrap-filled jar with the gleeful attitude of a toddler attacking a pile of presents. In order to give the occasion suitable gravitas, he draped a rope of red tinsel over his shoulders, the fronds glittering in the flicker-prone lighting. “Come gather!”

Rowan looks up from his computer, biting back a groan. This isn’t a surprise, given that Shelby answered his interview questions about “workplace culture” with descriptions of their celebrating capitalist-infused Christian holidays, and the office more than lives up to that promise. A tree sits on the front counter, its branches crammed with baubles. Tinsel hangs on everything from which tinsel can be hung and rests in snake-like coils over the computer towers, screens, desk partitions and the large corkboard. Ribbon-wrapped pencils topped with felt trees, stars and stockings flowered, overnight, from everyone’s pen mugs; Melanie gave Rowan three of them for his frayro mug. Every desk features a red bowl of tree-shaped marshmallows, candy canes or that weird Christmas lolly mix common in dollar shops.

Only the lack of music renders bearable this explosion of festivity. Damien said he drew that line last year after Melanie and Shelby alternated between Michael Bublé and Josh Groban’s Christmas CDs.

Rowan doesn’t want to think about that sublime horror.

Christmas to him means slipping a few TSO tracks into his melodic metal playlists and gritting his teeth until the new year.

“O come all ye faithful,” Melanie sings, spinning her chair around. Every day this week she’s donned a different Christmas-themed T-shirt; today’s features a screen-printed Rudolph head with an apple-sized nose made from red minky fleece. Rowan doesn’t understand the American “ugly Christmas jumper” thing—why?—but Melanie appears to be replicating the trend via short sleeves and jersey knits.

Damien jerks his elbow at the largest whiteboard, half filled with the Banned Holiday Decorations List—items including “music, carols, hymns and singing”, “all types of fake snow” and “Cadbury Crème Eggs”. “Didn’t we talk about carols?”

Rowan doesn’t want to be accused of being a dreadful, fun-loathing millennial about which too many articles have been written on dislike of office gift exchanges … but he doesn’t know how not to be one, either. Why do people like this? Buying presents for people who aren’t strangers but aren’t friends, hoping that his attempt isn’t too generic only to open something tailored to feminine cliché ... followed by the apologetic explanation or justification that Rowan isn’t easy to shop for.

Can’t he save himself fifteen bucks and skip the disaster?

He’s never understood how he presents a difficulty that isn’t cissexism and a lack of imagination: buy him good thread, expensive coffee, dress socks, a nice mug, food storage containers or fancy kitchenware. He’ll even take a cheap box of chocolates, since his housemates will eat anything should they believe it food. Just get him something that isn’t a floral-patterned bath set followed by the hand-wringing apology that the giver just doesn’t know what to get someone as confusing as Rowan!

Why don’t they ask him what he wants?

He’s over spending money and time on gift exchanges only to receive cissexism, dysphoria or stereotype wrapped in paper and tied with a bow.

Rowan draws a breath and slips his fingers under his thighs. He should have sent Damien an email when Melanie started decorating, but Rowan was thinking about pushing their print date back two weeks and not thinking about Mum’s out-of-nowhere request that Rowan attend the family Christmas. “Uh … Damien? Can I … quick word?”

Why did he get himself a new psychologist? One who says terrible words like assertiveness?

“Give us a minute.” Tinsel rustling, Damien crouches beside Rowan’s chair. “Will here do?”

If everyone overhears, Rowan can pretend he’s talking to one person while knowing they all benefit from his explanation. Besides, going into the meeting room makes this a thing. “Yeah. Um. I … I don’t usually get the right presents from people in gift exchanges. By which I mean ... presents that aren’t a reminder that they think me female, and if they give me enough nail polish and heart-shaped jewellery and glittery handbags, I’ll admit it. I don’t want that? Really don’t want that?”

Why do his parents want to play at being a happy family? Does Mum want to show off to Uncle Keith and his new wife? Have they forgotten how badly last Christmas went? Or is this just more cissexist assumption that Rowan will discard his masculinity when needed? If they behave as though Rowan should fit their expectations, will he—eventually—surrender to them?

I’m not being difficult because I want my masculinity and transness respected. I’m not...

Melanie leans over to poke Shelby’s shoulder, her bright red lips forming a ring.

Damien blinks, hesitating as if he doesn’t know how best to respond. “That ... sounds like my niece’s favourite birthday. Although she took the bag, put one of my sister’s dumbbells inside and swung it at the boy over the road who wouldn't stop calling her pretty. And then made an army of neighbourhood girls wielding heavy unicorn bags.” He shakes his head. “I mean that … you obviously aren’t a certain kind of eight-year-old or into glitter, so...”

If only Rowan had the nerve to do that to Aunt Laura! “I bet he never did that again.”

“No. I’ll make sure … that the person who has you gets you something appropriate.”

Inappropriately-feminine gifts aren’t his only difficulty. Rowan doesn’t how to voice something so complex (to cis, gender-conforming people) about gender and gift-giving without sounding like he’s complaining for the sake of complaining—the demanding, difficult trans man of his parents’ accusations. Most often he endures a cis female celebrity’s latest perfume, but well-intended “accepting” people give him an Old Spice gift set—acknowledging his masculinity at the cost of his personality. How do cis people not chafe at gift-giving traditions that assume people can be reduced down to one of two categories with narrow behaviours and interests ascribed to each?

It’s easier to draw the line at gifts that only avoid being the embodiment of the giver’s cissexism and donate everything else, as much as Rowan yearns for one year with a good present he doesn’t buy himself.

Will cis people ever understand that being trans means holding back on responding to cis nonsense?

“Thanks. Yeah, thanks.”

“Secret Santa slash December Holiday Gift Exchange rules!” Damien straightens, shaking the jar; paper rattles against glass. “Twenty-dollar limit, keep it fun, don’t give anything inappropriate for a professional environment. I want to be eating mince pies, not taking people into the meeting room for discussions on adulthood. We exchange on the last day, December 20.” He reaches into the jar, the neck a tight fit for his hands, and tweezers out a folded piece of paper before handing it to Rowan.

Damien shakes the jar again before offering another slip to Melanie and then Shelby.

Don’t people draw names themselves from the bowl or jar? Nobody else seems concerned by this lapse—Melanie starts laughing when she sees her name—so Rowan shrugs and opens his, deciding it must be normal enough.

The Aro Gods must be inclined to a little seasonal kindness, for he sees “Melanie” written in Damien’s handwriting.

No need to struggle through generic alternatives like food or wine; pride pins will make her happy enough. A pen? A mini aro flag? Choosing may be Rowan’s worst problem, but he can get her a few things and give her whatever’s over the limit after the exchange.

They’re aromantic. How isn’t he obligated to help decorate her desk in as many pride-related ways as possible?

“Rowan!” Melanie bustles over; he quickly slides his paper up his sleeve. She makes metallic jangling noises—words like “ringing” or “pealing” don’t apply—as she moves, thanks to a gold chain bracelet decorated with small bells at each link. Matching earrings dangle from her ears, clinking out of tune with the ones at her wrist. “Can I ask you something?”

He nods, hoping she’ll let pass unremarked his description of holiday cissexism.

“Where did you buy your flag patches? I want one. Well, maybe more than one, because there’s the aro flag, and the ace flag, and maybe one of the aro-ace flags, but I haven’t decided which one I like best since there’s several that are nice, and...”

Once-in-a-lifetime inspiration hits Rowan with finger-twitching force. “I don’t know,” he lies once Melanie runs out of steam. “Uh … a friend gave them to me and ... I don’t know where they bought them. Online, probably?” He swallows and tries for distraction, gambling his poor ability for falsehood against Melanie’s likely ignorance. “Maybe look on Etsy? I’d look on Etsy.”

“Etsy? What’s that?”

“Handcraft eBay,” he says in relief, thinking through his thread stash. “Where people sell handmade things. I don’t know when I’m seeing my friend next, but I can ask...?”

He’ll need purples, greens, greys, black, white—oh, and blues! A little orange, a little yellow. Has he enough fabric? What about time? Should he do the main ones first and then others as he can squeeze them in?

On the way home tonight, he’ll start by stopping at his local sewing store.

***

Rowan hits “send” on an email to Damien, ignoring Mum’s latest text, as Shelby bounds up to his desk. Like Melanie, she’s added Christmas T-shirts to her daily ensemble; unlike Melanie, Shelby’s T-shirts appear to come from a department store’s children’s section. Today’s shirt shows a cute-but-scientifically-inaccurate dinosaur in a Santa hat holding a red box. Also unlike Melanie, Shelby hasn’t added earrings, pins, necklaces, bangles or socks in honour of the season. “Yeah?”

Damien added “battery and USB-powered light-up objects” to the List after an office vote provoked by a flashing necklace that resembled miniature string lights.

Shelby whispers, meaning that she speaks in a raspier tone with volume enough that her standing on the other side of a crowded football oval needn’t impede one’s hearing. In fairness, Rowan has heard her speak over a hundred gossiping Year 7 students until they surrendered to the stubbornness of an older woman who doesn’t go to bed caring what they think of her. “Can you go through all the … the identities? Can you show them to me and tell me what colours go with them? Do they all have their own colours?”

Rowan can only sit and gape.

“Please? I need someone to go through them all.”

He lunges for his half-filled mug, hoping his perpetual need for coffee conceals his surprise. “You mean pride flags? Queer pride flags?”

“Please.” Shelby nods, grips his arm and gives a meant-as-comforting nutcracker-like squeeze before lowering her hand to fidget with her phone—a device likely dug up with the fossils from the dinosaur on her shirt. It doesn’t have a cover; he guesses she covered the back with multiple layers of washi tape coated in (yellowing) clear nail polish. He doesn’t ask why. “Maybe you can start with the ones you use, and that one Melanie has, and then tell me the other ones? There aren’t that many, are there?”

Rowan, lukewarm coffee in his mouth and heading down his gullet, chokes.

Several moments of spluttering and coughing, aided by Shelby’s enthusiastic back-pounding, pass before he can answer. “Uh … there’s lots, actually. Lots.” He considers explaining about Tumblr before deciding on the appropriate answer: a thousand kinds of nope. “Do you want gender ones, or sexuality ones, or aromantic ones, or...?”

Shelby’s blank, brow-creased expression shows that, if she read Rowan’s leaflet, his emails and the hand-outs provided by Damien’s trainers, the knowledge hasn’t stuck with her.

(They weren’t better than Rowan’s own and only mentioned aromanticism as a way of being asexual.)

“The ones you and Melanie use...?” She lowers her voice to a point where someone may, in theory, be unable to hear her from the other side of the room. “I want to get Melanie a little extra … something, this year. With a flag, maybe?” She jerks her elbow in the direction of Melanie’s mug, currently filled with something smelling of camomile and dish-water. “But I should know more about the other ones, too. Like yours. Can you show them all to me?”

There’s no way in this tinselled hell that Melanie can’t hear Shelby, yet Melanie appears engrossed in deleting emails.

Last week, Rowan said “aromantic” once to their newest volunteer in a conversation about the pride flags on their website. Seconds later, Melanie materialised from the hallway, passed over one of Rowan’s leaflets and introduced herself as aro-ace before giving a five-point rundown on ways to avoid casual amatonormativity—not that she’s yet comfortable saying the word—in the workplace. There’s no way she’s contemplating the mysteries of her trash folder while Rowan talks to Shelby about aromantic pride flags! Breathing “aro” aloud is now akin to summoning a demon—one revelling in the discovery of the identity that makes belated sense of her life.

“You want me to show you aromantic flags?” Rowan asks to clarify, baffled.

Shelby beams at him. “Yes, please.”

Melanie, frowning, deletes an email.

Did Damien have a word with her? Did the volunteer complain?

Rowan can’t say that he wants to play tour guide through the world of queer vexillology, but Shelby has gone five weeks without saying the phrase “you trans people” and two months without reassuring Rowan on the subject of pronoun-correction. He also knows Melanie and Shelby are friends outside of work, bonding over stage shows and music. If Shelby wants to support Melanie in her aromanticism, how can Rowan refuse?

While Rowan sat there planning the politest way to navigate the glaring error in the trainers’ leaflets, Melanie stood up, exclaimed that aromanticism isn’t the same thing as asexuality and demanded that they do some reading before engaging in “obvious aro denial”. He owes her. She scares him a little, but he owes her.

(Should Rowan master the ability to handle conversations and presentations, he may consider becoming a sensitivity trainer. That two-day workshop, while decent enough on gender and sexuality, left him again concluding that most queer alloros have no idea how to reference and include aromanticism in their conversations about queerness.)

Another Mum-authored text flashes up on his phone, displaying the words “Christmas”, “clothing” and “appropriately”.

No, no and hell no.

“Yeah, okay.” He bends down to grab his satchel, tucked against the left-hand side of his desk. A decent collection of patches and badges now covers the front flap, including his cursed-but-memorable “aro” patch. “That’s the trans pride flag, with the blue, pink and white, and beside it is the bisexual flag. The flag with the greens and black is the aromantic flag, and the allo-aro flag has the greens and gold. It’s pretty much the same as the aro flag, except with yellow and gold instead of grey and black.” He points at each patch as he moves through his explanation. “Allo—allosexual—aromantics are aros who experience sexual attraction.”

He’ll stick to simple definitions with Shelby, even if they lack ideal expansiveness.

Shelby nods, smiling.

“For me, it means I’m aromantic and bisexual. Aro-aces, like Melanie, are aromantic and asexual, meaning she doesn’t experience sexual attraction.” He almost asks her if she remembers what “aromanticism” means before realising that he’ll sound like a condescending primary-school teacher. “This flag with the blues, white and grey is the frayromantic flag, which designates the specific way I’m aro. The flag on Melanie’s mug—”

Shelby leans against his desk, her grey braid trailing over one arm. “So you have an aromantic flag and an allosexual aromantic flag? A special aromantic flag?”

Are they heading towards the sort of conversation that involves anger over “making up” identities outside the speaker’s reckoning of acceptable? Or does she mean “distinct”? “Ah … kind of? The green and black flag represents all aros—Melanie and me. The green and gold one’s just for me, and I don’t use her blue and orange one.”

For the first time in living memory, Melanie pays Rowan and Shelby no attention.

“I see! You want to reflect different types of aro.” Shelby almost says the word without unusual stress; Rowan considers applauding her but decides he won’t risk undermining his point on avoiding excessive overreaction to queer terminology. “Do you ever put the flags together? Like if you want to be both things at once?”

When isn’t he the state of multiple identities at once? Rowan decides she means “represent” instead of “be” and nods. “Yeah? Some people put a heart with the stripes of the aro flag in the middle of the trans or bi flags, but I don’t like that because using a heart to represent us all is a bit … eh. You know, heart, love, love hearts? Lots of people don’t care, though. I’ve also seen folks split them in an image, or have the stripes fade into each other. Like trans stripes fading into aro stripes.”

“And you like that better?” Shelby blinks, her blunt nails tracing the edge of the case. “Would Melanie like that? The aromantic flag fading into another one?”

There’s no way Melanie didn’t hear that—and no reason for her to say silent! Last month she told Rowan and Shelby to get mint chocolate cake for her birthday after walking in on them debating sponge versus cheesecake in the meeting room!

(Sponge, in Rowan’s opinion, is the classic cake format.)

“Yeah. It shows my identities together without using symbolism I find awkward.” Rowan lowers his voice, leaning closer to Shelby. “Melanie will probably go for the aromantic flag fading into or combined with the asexual flag, if you’re doing something with two flags. I don’t think she’d be into hearts, but a split image or fading? That’d work.”

Shelby straightens, beaming, and gives Rowan another firm arm-squeeze. “That’s great! Thank you so much for helping, Rowan!”

“Don’t you want to know more about aro-ace flags...?”

“No, that’s great!” Shelby, heading towards her own desk, no longer attempts to speak at anything not normal volume. “Aromantic into asexual! I’ll remember that!”

As Shelby turns, he catches a glimpse of the cracked screen on her phone—or, more specifically, the movement of her hand as she presses stop on her recording app.

Is that legal? It surely isn’t normal? Or is she an auditory learner, meaning she’ll learn best by playing the recording over … but in that case, why not say so? He could have directed her to YouTube videos and podcasts! Perhaps, though, she only shows her ignorance in digital etiquette, in the same way Rowan took Melanie aside to explain that the use of caps lock for the body of a promotional email violates good manners as much as—more than!—she thinks signing a form in red ballpoint? Should he complain about something suggestive of her willingness to understand him?

Rowan stares, shrugs and shakes his head as a third text pops up.

Sometimes it’s easier to just not ask.

Too bad that can’t apply as easily to family.

***

Rowan stands, yawns and stretches. His lunch half-hour beckons: sunshine spent with food, cross-stitch and a flock of pigeons tame enough to perch on the far end of his bench. Since today involved apologetic emails followed by a contrite phone call to his goddess amongst printers, time free of people feels like looming perfection. Just him, the pigeons, a sewing needle and the homemade pasty he hid from Matt inside a bag of frozen peas.

Any day in which he gets to enjoy his own cooking can’t be too terrible.

Perhaps he should do as his psychologist says: put a chest freezer in his bedroom and a lock on his door.

“Rowan!” Damien, his hair tousled enough to make Rowan think of a woolly mammoth in a sharp suit, carries a plate of something smelling like honey and chicken into the office. “While Melanie’s out, can you show me your mug shop? You said there’s a lot of aro-ace flags, right? Or would she want one like yours, the green one? I don’t get her something like your blue and green shield one, though?” He shrugs and sets the plate down on Rowan’s desk. “My wife’s friends with her sister and we got invited out, but there’s another swap. I don’t want to get her the wrong thing. Do you mind?”

At least Damien does the sensible thing of asking while Melanie’s out on lunch. Maybe this won’t take too long: Damien’s a terrible photographer with unreasonable expectations of Photoshop, but he does know how to buy things online.

“Yeah. Hold on.” Rowan opens up his browser just as his phone beeps. Nope, ignoring that. “I’ll show you what mugs I think she’d want.”

He hadn’t realised how many people here are friends with Melanie outside of work. It must be nice to have a regular social life that isn’t “being at work” and “sighing at housemates”, but there’s advantages in possessing the short holiday shopping list of family, a work gift exchange and a couple of friends. Besides, does anyone want one’s co-workers to know what happens at an outside party?

“Don’t ignore your phone because of me.”

“It’s Dad.” Since Rowan can’t find a pithy or amusing way to explain that Dad’s text message will be a guilt-trip ordering Rowan to come to Christmas for the sake of the family’s happiness followed by a second guilt-trip explaining how much his refusal to confirm has upset Mum, he just shakes his head.

You talked about this with the psychologist. Guilt. Trip.

He made an appointment for the second week of January; he should have made one in December as well.

“That bad?”

He can’t remember the specifics of his rant that day atop the desk, but he must have suggested at an interesting relationship with his parents. “Yeah.”

Did they forget telling Rowan that if he doesn’t like how they treat him, he can leave? They told Rowan that he isn’t welcome while he remains intolerant of them—while I expect them to treat me as I deserve. He left. Now they want him back to smile for the family photos?

What’s worse? Enduring a day of misgendering, deadnaming and cissexism, which shouldn’t result in unknown voyages of horror if he bites his tongue? Or avoiding short-term discomfort while gaining the long-term torment of the family’s schooling Rowan in appropriate Ross respect for blood and holidays? What chance is there of avoiding harassment if he doesn’t go?

Maybe he can leave off shaving for a week before Christmas and turn up with his new, albeit patchy, facial hair while wearing an op-shop debutante gown, so he “dresses appropriately” and “doesn’t confuse the relatives” as requested.

How many truckloads of Valium will he need for that?

“Rowan? Are you okay?” Damien, now sitting on an office chair, peers at him as though waiting for Rowan to do anything more than stare at the computer screen.

“Ugh. Sorry. Just thinking.” Rowan sighs and types in the shop’s name, bringing up their website, and then opens a second tab to another archiving different pride flags.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Damien asks in that gruffly-gentle voice, one that makes Rowan want to smash his fist through a window.

“Yeah, no.” Rowan draws a breath and points at the screen with a hand a too trembly for his liking. “So you’re going to want to know what flags represent what, because there’s a drop-down menu where you can choose from different flags...”

It’s easier to talk, easier to run through all the different flags in a depth of explanation Damien doesn’t request, easier to think about something that isn’t family—a subject with complexity enough to distract but without provocation enough to distress.

He doesn’t know if Damien asks questions from curiosity or kindness, but Rowan’s pasty becomes pastry crumbs scattered over his desk and keyboard; Damien’s chicken, half-eaten, sits cooling on its plate.

“So cupioromantic is the one where you want the relationship but you don’t feel romance?” Damien frowns and runs both oversized hands through his hair, now resembling a befuddled bear emerging after a long hibernation. “Why have a word for that? I mean, everyone feels like it isn’t one of those movies and dates anyway, so why specify that?”

“Where you don’t feel romantic attraction but desire a romantic relationship,” Rowan says, telling himself that Damien unknowingly regurgitates the tired “demiromanticism is normal” argument. Isn’t this better than looking at the fifth text message? “Some people need it to be a word. Movies aren’t that divorced from reality. They’re … too easy, too glossy, too perfect, too unrealistic, but...”

He sighs. Not dating brings many benefits, but Rowan has to admit that he misses the fun of falling in love, even if trouble always follows. Misses the fun of dreaming, hoping and fantasising; misses the bright, happy glow of being caught up in someone else. At risk of being considered a bad aro, he likes that glorious limerence pushing him to navigate people despite his gibbering anxiety! In some ways, knowing he’s capable of falling in love over and over feels heady and powerful; amatonormativity more than the nature of Rowan’s frayromanticism bestows difficulty on its aftermath.

I want to fall in love with you ... and after getting to know you, do it again with someone else, all the best bits of romance’s beginning on eternal repeat.

Instead, he avoids dating and the inevitable development of his partner’s hurt, surrendering to a world where his shape of attraction isn’t acceptable or reasonable. Albeit with a trace of bitterness that frayromanticism will be easier to navigate should Rowan not be an anxiety-plagued, bisexual trans man!

Of course, discarding romance makes pursuing his shape of sexual attraction unacceptable and unreasonable...

“How are they real? Nobody just sees someone and falls in love like that—”

“Dude, dude, I’ve fallen in love like that.” Rowan shakes his head and launches into the speech that’s the spiritual duty of any card-carrying aromantic: “Do you fall in love after you get to know someone? After they love you back? Do you know what ‘fall in love’ means to you? Because it’s easy to name all sorts of feelings ‘love’ and think they’re romantic when the world says you have to be alloromantic. It’s even easier to not be romantically attracted and not know! Have you thought about it?”

Damien, his eyes so wide that he reminds Rowan of a zebrafish with a brown wig, shakes his head.

“I swear, alloros like romance movies because while they’re a … a simplified, idealistic version of romance, they’re close enough to what people feel—or think they’re supposed to feel—that they … ring, resonate. They wouldn’t do that if it were complete invention. Just like science fiction isn’t real but talks enough about human experiences to have meaning to human audiences. Unreal, in so many ways, but just real enough. So—”

Damien holds up both hands, palms facing Rowan. “Stop. Stop.”

Now the anxious part of Rowan’s brain realises he’s lecturing at his supervisor in a way no need to avoid thinking of his family justifies; he gulps, fingers trembling. While the office code of conduct doesn’t specify things like unwanted speeches questioning another person’s belief in their romantic attraction, he doubts this acceptable behaviour. “I … shit. I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I just...”

Will he ever stop causing a mess at work?

“You’re talking so fast,” Damien says, slow and careful in the way of a man talking to a panicked horse, “that I can’t keep up.” He sighs and runs one hand through his hair. “This isn’t something I thought we’d be talking about! I just wanted to check that everything was right...” He shakes his head, but he doesn’t sound annoyed or outraged. Just bewildered. “Okay. Right. What about all those sorts of things that we think are love? What do you mean by that?”

At some point during the resulting afternoon, Rowan sends an email thanking his printer for her willingness to amend the job queue, ignores his brother’s entry in the competition to provoke the most seasonally-appropriate guilt, and scribbles a note to ask the higher-ups if they’ll spring for a basket of expensive coffee and chocolates sent to said printer.

Damien nods several times, takes dot points on a flyer print-out and the back of the report draft for last week’s holiday event, asks more questions and promises that he’ll remind the higher-ups of their involvement in submitting January’s flyers two weeks late. After eating the rest of his re-heated honey chicken at Rowan’s desk and narrating the story of how his future wife followed him from pub to pub during a crawl for his brother’s buck’s night, Damien concludes that he only experiences attraction for someone after they express attraction for him.

Melanie, having rested her arms on the back of Damien’s chair to overhear the last half of the conversation, gives him a smothering hug and welcomes him to “the quiver” before cackling at Damien’s blank look.

Find a recipro mug, Rowan later scribbles on the bottom of his to-do-list.

At least that job doesn’t involve relatives.

[scmyr]

luka sabbat. cis male. he/him. ／  samyr delcine just pulled up james joint by rihanna  — that song is so them ! you know, for a(n) twenty-four (24) year old retired actor / singer and rapper, i’ve heard they’re really -temperamental, but that they make up for it by being so +creative. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say smoke filled recording studios, messy handwriting, tattoos. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! ( LJ, 20, est, they/them )

career claim: roddy ricch, dababy, the weeknd

hey y’all! guess who’s back at it again with a new muse? it’s LJ, @kcia​‘s mun, and this is my second baby, samyr. i’ve actually had this idea in mind for a while, and i’m finally bringing him into fruition. if you’d like to plot with him, just drop a like on this post! 

basics.

NAME: samyr delcine. PRONOUNS: he/him AGE: twenty-four. BIRTH DATE: july 16th, 1995. BIRTH PLACE: port-au-prince, haiti. HOMETOWN: compton, california. CURRENT RESIDENCE: los angeles, california. NATIONALITY: haitian-american. ETHNICITY: afro-haitian, unidentified white side. RELIGION: non practicing christian. OCCUPATION: singer, rapper, songwriter, producer, retired actor. LANGUAGES: haitian-creole (native), haitian-french (native), english (fluent). SEXUAL ORIENTATION: confused. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: confused.

visual.

FACECLAIM: luka sabbat. EYE COLOR: dark brown. HAIR COLOR: dark brown. HEIGHT: 6 feet, 1 inch. WEIGHT: 149 pounds. TATTOOS: here, here, here. PIERCINGS: ears. NOTABLE TRAITS: lips, height, hair.

background.

he was born in port-au-prince, haiti to a single mother. he never met his father because his father was someone that his mother hooked up with while she was studying in the states. it was her last year in college and she didn’t know she was pregnant until she was about three months along. she took a year off and went back home so she could have him. she considered putting him up for adoption, but as soon as he was born and she looked into his eyes, she “fell in love with him and couldn’t part from him”, or that’s what she always tells samyr. 

when he was six years old and his mother was twenty-seven, she decided to go back to school and get her degree. she spent the first six years of his life working two full time jobs and a part time job just so she could provide for him and save money at the same time. after she saved enough money, she packed up their things and moved them to america, california to be exact, so she could graduate and get a better paying job. she finished up her criminal justice degree and got a job working as a law clerk while she put herself through law school. she finally graduated, passed the bar exam, and now she’s a highly sought after criminal attorney in the states. 

his childhood was a hard, yet happy time for him. hard because he and his mother lived in california while his mother worked for a very low salary. it was difficult for them to make ends meet, especially when she was still in school. even though she eventually became an extremely wealthy lawyer (she started making money around the time samyr was fifteen, but by then he was already making money from his show), things were hard at first. he was still a happy kid though. his mother gave him a lot of love, and he had friends and a cute puppy named chichi (she’s still alive, with her old ass ;-;) 

samyr’s first taste of the spot light was at a young age. he did a little bit of modeling for stores and brands, but didn’t really get his big break until he was 12 and landed one of the lead roles of a children’s sitcom. he loved acting when he first started doing it, and worked hard for the several seasons that he was apart of the show before it ended. he was nineteen when the show ended. he did cameos on other shows, and acted in a few movies during the course of the show too. 

he’s a very passionate and dedicated person, but once he’s finished with something and wipes his hands clean of it, he’s finished indefinitely. he felt as though after several years of acting on one show and doing other acting jobs, that he was ready to bring to a close the chapter of acting in his life. he enjoyed it, still does, but he wanted to pour all of his time and effort into the next aspect of his life - music.

he had actually started getting into music around the middle of his show’s run. he had been in the industry for a while and started making friends with musicians who had introduced him to the art of music. he quickly fell in love with it, not just singing and rapping, but the technical aspects of the music industry as well - producing, sound mixing, composition, e.t.c. 

he released his first music project while he was still acting. it was in 2011, and it was a mixtape that he dropped out of the blue. people didn’t know who it was at first because he just dropped it on soundcloud and his account wasn’t under his own name. but some fans ended up doing some digging and made the connection.

after that, he would occasionally drop music projects here and there (i’ll eventually make a little timeline of his music releases, more so for my own means of keeping track, but to also give you guys an idea of what he’s released so far!) 

now he focuses primarily on music. overall, his sound and lyrics are explicit, but there are still two sides to him - the ‘hard’ side (dababy, roddy ricch) and his softer side (the weeknd). he likes having that kind of duality, because it gives him the freedom to explore himself as a musician. 

personality

he’s a very hard worker, and extremely prideful. he doesn’t like accepting help from others, especially if he thinks they’re pitying him. he and his mother used to get a lot of “offers” of help, which were honestly just people feeling sorry for them, which he absolutely hated. he doesn’t even like asking for help when he knows he needs it. if you ever catch him asking for help, you best believe it’s because it’s his very last resort. 

if samyr’s face and name weren’t connected to his music, no one would even think that he was the one rapping and singing on his tracks. a lot of his music has explicit sexual innuendos and undertones, and holds a little aggression from time to time. it’s a complete contrast to samyr’s lowkey personality. what most people don’t know is that writing music is his outlet. he doesn’t get frustrated or angry (most of the time) because when he feels those things, he channels it into his writing. 

that being said, he does have a little bit of a temper. it’s something that his mother says he gets from his grandfather, a man he had never met because he passed away before his birth. he has a high tolerance for things, but if he’s pushed over the edge, he gets black out angry. he hates that though, which is why he stays ‘medicated’ most of the time (lmao he stays high) 

he’s so deep in the closet that he’s finding christimas presents. he knows that there’s nothing wrong with being gay, he’s an avid supporter of the lgbtq+ on social media platforms and such, but it’s just something that he struggles to accept about himself. his mother is very open minded, but he has a lot of family members who aren’t, and he doesn’t want them to disown him. 

kinda gets angry/upset if his own sexuality is brought up? maybe not really angry or upset, but just really defensive? again, finding christmas presents lol

very particular with and protective of his hair lol has definitely smacked a few people’s hands for trying to touch it

wanted connections

girl(s) that he’s dated in the past to as a way to somehow force himself to be straight. most of them ended due to him not being able to fully invest himself emotionally. we can discuss if they’re on good/bad terms! 

a few best friends, he definitely needs those 

if anyone has a muse that has songs with a male rapper featured, samyr’s your guy

the first guy he’s ever kissed 

relatives on his father’s side (he just recently started searching for his father, so it’d be interesting if he had cousins or half siblings around!)

someone that he confides in about his sexuality 

a guy who helps him explore his sexuality 

pr relationship(s) 

pr friendship(s) 

media fueled rivalry 

enemies

frenemies 

celebrity friends that are always seen out together (events, award shows, sports games, out shopping, e.t.c) 

literally anything?? i’m open to anything and everything!

[phoenix43song]

My Reviews and Thoughts on Little Women and the Many Adaptations

To start off I have been reading the Little Women series since I was 8 I think, and I’ve been watching the 1994 version since I was 6. It wasn’t until recently that I finally watched the 1949 and the modern 2018 adaptations ( I watched the  BBC/PBS mini series last year, and I do re-watch it every now and then). I still have to watch the 1933 version, which I plan to do when I find the time. I have also been re-reading the books because I am excited for Greta Gerwig’s adaptation even though I am not a fan of some of the stuff she’s been saying about a couple of the characters (but some of my fears have been relieved! Yeah!). In this long post I will post my thoughts on the novel(s) themselves, Louisa, and the adaptations that I have seen. 

I will start with the one I am very familiar with: the 1994 version! I have loved this movie since the first time I watched it. It’s a tradition to watch it multiple of times around the Christmas season with my mom, and every now and then I will watch it whenever I feel like it. Since I graduated as a theatre and film student watching films and analyzing characters, their world, decisions, the themes and motifs have been really eye opening. I’ve been devouring books since I was a kid, trying to write my own novels, and I’ve made a couple of short films. When it comes to adapting a screenplay from a book there are a lot of decisions to be made: what to keep, what to cut, what to condense, does the order of things need to be changed, and what original creative content can we put in? 1994 is a really, really good adaptation of the novel, with some minor flaws, a questionable original content decision, and how the screenwriter and director put Louisa into Jo. The cinematography and music is gorgeous, the house looks lived in, and the whole atmosphere screams late American 19h century. 

The acting, for the most part, is right on character and Winona did such a great job as Jo! Trini did wonderful a Meg and I liked how we got more of Meg because she’s important too. Claire Danes was a fabulous Beth (though she looks older than 14; I always thought she was 16 or 17...), while Kirsten did a fun, spoiled Amy...but she did ham it up a bit too much at times. Samantha...I did not like one bit as older Amy. Laurie was great in the first 2/3 of the movie but once he hit Europe I didn’t like how they [tried] to develop his character. His romance with Amy fell flat, which I was sad to see. Gabriel was a really good Fritz...I just didn’t like how they made them date while Jo was in New York. I understand it because the proposal at the end of the movie makes it really romantic, but the whole purpose of Jo/Fritz and Jo falling in love was that she was blind to it: she falling in love with a man. They start off as boarding house neighbors, then student/teacher, which quickly turns into friendship of equals, and it’s not until Jo is at home missing Fritz that she begins to realize her feelings. And when Fritz comes to court Jo she blushes! Despite this I’m a sucker for romance and still love Jo/Fritz despite my feelings on the adaptation choices. Marmee and Aunt March were on point and I loved how the actresses were their characters. 

Now moving onto the 2017 mini series. I like this adaptation, and have watched it a few times, but there are things that just bug me and drive me crazy, and moments that I love. This is the only adaptation that does not have have Jo’s plays or the Pickwick society. I hate this and it was a poor adaptation choice in my opinion. This series really should have been at least 6 episodes and not the measly 3 that it was. Despite this the series did include moments from the book that either haven’t been adapted before, or it was just mentioned. I love how we see Beth get the courage to go to Mr. Lawerence to play the piano and their relationship. They really should have gotten a young Amy and an older looking Beth: the girls look the same age from episode 1 to 3, which especially doesn’t work for Amy. Maya did a good Jo and it’s actually impressive for her first screen role, but she did lack some of Jo’s qualities (she is way better as Robin in Stranger Things). Emily did a good job as Marmee. Anne was another really great Beth, and I have to say her freckles seem to give the character substance. Kate’s Amy was good but like Elizabeth Taylor in the 1949 version, she was not believable as young Amy. (I’ve heard Florence Pugh is amazing and a scene stealer but even if she can act like young Amy (and based on the clips she can), her womanly body will not let her be believable).

I like how Beth’s kittens made a lot of screen time (I love kittens!) and how they did the Hummel’s house: it was just like how the book described it. All of those little children did a great job at looking hungry, cold, and scared. Makes me wonder about Mrs. Hummel’s husband (I need to find that part and re-read it). I loved how the included Camp Laurie, Cousin Flo, and Laurie trying to kiss Jo. The wedding between Meg and John Brooke was sweet, esp Aunt March giving her the pearls. I crack each time I see Aunt March’s parrot (was that in the book? Man I haven’t gotten far into my re-reading of the whole book; it’s been awhile), and how we got to see how close Jo and Beth are. They tried their best in portraying Amy/Laurie, and Mark Stanley as Fritz: he was Fritz from the book! (He looks a lot younger without that bushy beard though; that’s the one thing about Fritz I can’t stand haha). It’s too bad that Jo/Fritz was so rushed in episode 3: their relationship and Fritz was barely developed. (Though they did include a lot from the book like the Weekly Volcano and Jo’s poem that brought Fritz to her). Laurie in general was not Laurie; maybe in the Laurie who wants to play all the time but that’s it. Not Laurie. 

Now onto the 1949 version. I fell in love with this adaptation, flaws and all. It was very charming, had some great acting, however a lot happened off screen, some characters/moments were rushed, and I can’t believe June was 31 years old! And that Elizabeth Taylor was pregnant. It doesn’t bother me that they made Beth the youngest because Margaret did such a fabulous job as Beth. I loved all other scenes, her relationship with Jo and Mr. Lawerence in particular. This is the only version I’ve seen where the sisters buy Marmee gifts with their 1 dollar bill, and I liked how it was  a surprise and quite moment. The actress who played Marmee was amazing and Aunt March cracked me up. I didn’t care for Laurie in this version either. And like I said with the 2017 mini series: they really needed to have an actress play young Amy. Elizabeth did a really good job, don’t get me wrong, but she definitely seemed way older. The hot Italian actor as Fritz was sure an interesting choice. I wish they would’ve just made Fritz Italian and just changed his name slightly (I believe Greta made Fritz French in her version since Louis Garrel is French), and I also wish he could’ve been in the movie more! Since he was close in age to June I just wanted to see them on screen more. Yes he doesn’t look one bit like Fritz in the book, and call me shallow, but I honestly don’t care in this version. Back then - and sadly to this day - Hollywood cares about looks. That’s why I love Mark Stanly as Fritz in the 2017 because he physically is Fritz. But still...anyways I am going slightly off topic. 

So. The 2018 modern adaptation. This should have either been a Hallmark movie or a Netflix movie. This movie should have never been released theatrically and that’s why it bombed horrible. I mean it bombed horribly in a lot of aspects and areas, but it does have some great scenes! It’s all in the detail. They have their castle’s in the sky for one. All of Jo’s plays and the Pickwick society and how it changed to be of a platoon. I just love the attic scenes in this movie. I also love how Jo is writing fantasy stories and a fantasy novel and it’s sad that she can’t be taken seriously because there are great fantasy novelists! Tolkien, JK Rowling, G RR Martin for example. That really bothered me. I do like how Fritz is an actual professor at a university and becomes Jo’s editor and mentor, how that develops into friendship, but to me the romance aspect of their relationship falls flat somewhat. I like how they had a younger Amy and an older Amy, but I honestly got confused at first because there were younger versions of all the sisters (and it’s unbelievable that three of them would look the same with the 13 year gap). This version did a flashback style so it will be interesting to see how Greta did hers. The editing for this movie was all over the place and chaotic. I didn’t like Lucas as Laurie one bit, I get how they would go to parties but I hated those scenes (it was a good wake up call for Meg though). Beth fell short in this movie and so did Amy to an extent. You don’t really get to know John Brooke, or even their Marmee all that much. And really, Marmee? In a modern adaptation they should’ve just stuck with Mom. I did like how Jo buzzed her hair off in support of Beth (there is a good graphic novel that came out recently that’s set in the modern world and there are few similar choices. There’s also a book called Meg and Jo - Amy and Beth will come out later next year - that makes some interesting choices to say the least when adapting the novel into modern times. Anyways...), and how they had their father over seas in the army. I honestly need to watch this movie again to really critique it, but I honestly think it could’ve been a great movie...the script needed more rewrites, it needed a director who knew what they were doing, a better editor, and honestly some better actors. The potential was there, it has it moments, but it fell. 

To conclude this rather blog like post (and kudos to all who have read the whole thing) I will take just a little bit on my views on Louisa herself and Greta’s version. Louisa didn’t want to write a book for children, and when she did she wrote a semi-autobiographical novel that she leaves on a cliff hanger. In my mind she meant to continue the story, but she wanted to see what the reader’s thought. She did put the story out of her mind for awhile, until the book had to go into reprints and she got hounded with fan mail and fans in general. Yes she didn’t want Jo to marry because she herself never did (from what I’ve read she did have one sided crushes and probably a few second romances that didn’t last long, but she also never saw herself as desirable; she comes across to be as maybe being aromatic asexual, demisexual, or bi). She was a bit of Germanophile, along with Europe in general, and that’s why from the first few pages of LW there’s German everywhere. Which this means that Friedrich Bhaer was probably planned in one way or another. Louisa never wanted Jo to be with Laurie because they were close like siblings and loved each other that way. Laurie thought himself in love with Jo, but Jo does bring up good points: they would quarrel and end up being unhappy because he honestly didn’t like her scribbling. Amy makes Laurie grow up and those two match each other perfectly. Fritz is a perfect match for Jo because he treats her like an equal, he helps with her writing, and she gets to be apart of a society she loves. 

I have been relieved from my fears (for the most part) about how Fritz will be portrayed and the Jo/Fritz romance. We do meet him right away since we start in the present before going back and forth between past and present until the timelines match up. Greta is the only person to adapt the New Year’s Dance, which I am really excited to see. I haven’t been told if Fritz’s nephews are mentioned or seen. I know he gives her advice, but not if he teaches her his language (which I assume to be French in this version), that they do get into a fight, and that he comes to court her at her house. I was worried the umbrella proposal scene was going to be changed, but I’ve been told it’s in and it’s romantic. And then there’s Amy/Laurie! I am so glad that this relationship seems to be fully developed. I can’t wait to see everyone as their character and how Greta did the back and forth. 

I am worried though about a few things: how if one isn’t familiar with the story they get confused at first with the back and forth, some of the costume choices, the acting in certain scenes, some scenes or moment being cut or condensed for time because this is a movie not a mini series, and I just wish that Fritz - Louis - could’ve been in the trailers more with more promotion. I understand why...at least Louis understands his character. Greta mentioned something that Fritz basically had to be a prize to be won and oh boy: no one is a prize to be won. And putting a lot of Louisa into Jo...I’m worried about that. Sure the 1994 version had  a Louisa quote that Jo’s says about voting, but this seems like it might be too hammered in. I guess once I see the film I will finally know (and write my review and thoughts), because I can read all the critic reviews, interviews, Q and A’s I want but it’s up to me on whether or not I’ll like it or love, and I sure hope I’ll love it. 

The is the end. Thanks for reading. Let me know your thoughts. 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever done a craft that you found on Pinterest? I did dabble with some water painting a few years ago during Christmastime, actually. I made a few different Christmas poster things inspired by ones I saw on there. Like, they had different Christmasy quotes or song lyrics and some had pictures of Christmas trees or something. Do you get scrapbooking layout ideas from anywhere? I don’t do scrapbooking. What do you do to wipe off the dust from ordinary life? I’m always cleaning under the keys on my laptop. Are you content with mystery, or do you wish you knew everything? Uhh. I wouldn’t want to know everything. I like continuing to learn and discover new things. There’s also things I never want to know. I also like mystery in the sense of surprises. Like, I hate spoilers and I don’t want to know what any presents are before I open them.  What do you do when someone irritates you on Facebook? If I see an annoying or stupid post I just keep scrolling.

Do you think your hair looks better natural or dyed? I think it looks much better dyed red.  Do your parents disrespect you? My parents are respectful, pretty chill people. I mean, we get in disagreements and bicker sometimes, who doesn’t, but I wouldn’t say they disrespect me. Have you found that love covers over a multitude of sins? I mean, you can love someone but that doesn’t excuse their toxic, bad behaviors. It doesn’t mean people can treat you or others cruelly just because you love them. What was the last Grand Opening you went to? Hm. I don’t know if I’ve ever been to a grand opening. Not that I can think of at the moment. Do you have anything coming up tomorrow? Nope. What’s one thing that makes your stomach hurt? I’m lactose intolerant, so having dairy will definitely do that. Otherwise, I just have stomach issues and get stomachaches and pains for whatever reason. Ever had a living nightmare? These past few years in particular. Do you have a lot of haters? Ha. I’m so irrelevant. I’m sure I’m not even on anyone’s radar for them to feel that strongly about me. Outside of my family, I feel people are indifferent to me. I don’t make a big impression. 

Do you think successful people always come with a pack of haters? Yes. There are people who can’t stand to see successful, happy people. They want to try and tear them down. There’s also just a lot of trolls who think it’s fun to hate on people. Do you have supernatural abilities? Uh, no. Do you kick yourself when you make mistakes? Do you say, “I wish I would have” a lot? All the damn time. There’s so much I wish I did and didn’t do and I’m always kicking myself so to speak for it.  Are you doing the most you can with your life? Not even. I’ve completely let these past few years pass me by as I just waste away.  Do you let people walk on you? I’ve had it happen in the past. Are you ok? I always just wanna start belting out to MCR when a question like this comes up. Do you have a friend you miss right now? Former friend, yeah. Do you ever write snail mail to your friends? I don’t have any friends anymore, but nah dude. I’ll send you a text or hit you up on social media if I need to reach you, ha. Do you make your life look better than it is on Facebook? I guess in a way because I don’t post personal shit. I used to post like sad quotes and lyrics and images back in the day, but I stopped doing that years ago. I very rarely post anything anymore and when I do, it’s something funny or #relatable that I saw and shared to my timeline. Or a check-in to somewhere if I think it’s of interest. Mostly; though, I’m just on there scrolling through my feed and “liking” things here and there. Do you feel God’s presence regularly? Yes. Do you experience chronic pain? Yes. Do you believe God loves you and is rooting for you? I know He does. Have you ever dreamt that you were falling? Ugh, yes. Worst feeling. I hate that feeling of jolting awake.  What would your dream career be? I have no idea. Are you a daydreamer? ”You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.” Do you daydream so much that you wonder if there’s anyone who doesn’t? Uhh, I wouldn’t say that. My daydreaming is more me zoning out and dwelling  about things from the past, thinking about current things, or imagining up scenarios.  Do you ever just sit and daydream for awhile? My mind just wanders off like that. Is the snow falling where you are right now? It doesn’t snow here. :( What is your favorite part of nature? The beach, particularly the ocean. Though, we all know I’m not about getting into the ocean. That deep water and the creatures that dwell down there aren’t for me. Just thinking about that... :O I do love looking out at the ocean and just watch/listen to the waves crash in and out. It’s very, very calming. I let my thoughts get swept away with the waves. I also love the cool, ocean air and smell. Do you wish you could be a world traveler? Yes. Do you wish you could live in another city for a year? Ooh. That would be nice. I actually want to move to another city permanently. What city would you like to visit? There’s countless places I want to visit. What has been your favorite city that you’ve visited? Various ones in California.  If you had kids, would you take them to Disney World? Pfft, I’d go now if I could. I don’t need kids for that, ha. I’m the big kid. I love Disneyland, so I’m sure I’d love Disney World as well. Have you ever stood in line to get a Disney character’s autograph? Yeah. As a kid and as an adult, haha. My favorite was a few years ago when we got pictures with Chewbacca and Darth Vader.  Do you own a birthday crown? No. How long does it usually take your hair to dry? Do you dry it naturally or blow-dry it? I just let it air dry. It takes forever, though. Do you straighten your hair? Not anymore. I used to. Do you sleep with a teddy bear? I have a few stuffed animals on my bed that always just sit on my bed. Would you consider yourself a free spirit? No. Do you need to clean out your closet? I actually just did that a couple weekends ago. Do you watch YouTube videos regularly? Yep, everyday.  What’s your favorite coffee shop? Starbucks. Is your Pinterest page cluttered? I have a few pinned things, but I don’t use Pinterest much for that. I use it to find and save photos for my phone background, typically. Do you want to start a collection? I have a few collections. Are you a role model? Would you consider yourself a good example? No. Are you a leader or a follower? I feel like I’m just sitting on the sidelines watching the crowd go by.  Who’s your favorite person? Not a person, but my doggo. (: Who have been your favorite American Idol contestants? I liked a few from the first few seasons like Adam Lambert, David Archuleta, Tim Urban, and of course, Kelly Clarkson. Did you used to name your Barbies? Yep. What unnatural hair color looks best on you? I love dyeing my hair red. Is your life boring? ”I need another story, something to get off my chest. My life is kind of boring, need something that I can confess.” Do you usually feel better around people or alone? Depends. I like spending time with my family, but I also need my alone time. Is there a broken relationship in your life that you want to fix? Oh, like the friendships I ruined a few years ago because I’m a shitty person? I wouldn’t even know where to begin at this point. Like...what could I even say. I know they’re hurt and probably hate me, and I don’t blame them at all. They deserved more than I what I gave them. The more time goes by, the worse it is. I still don’t feel like I’m in the right headspace to try and fix things. Like...I don’t think things would change and we’d end up in the same spot because I’m still a mess. And I feel horrible for feeling this way, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to. :X I wish I went about things differently, most definitely, but having some people out of my life now is the worst thing.... Do you ever think about Heaven? Yes. Are you ready for Heaven yet? I pray it’s not my time, yet.  Are you afraid of where you’re going to go? I pray I go to heaven when it is my time. Do you have a tree outside your window? Yes. Do you feel better now than you did last night? I feel the same, really. Is your sleep schedule messed up? Ohhhh yeah. It has been for years. It switches up, though. Still all bad, but different. Like, currently my bedtime is like 5, sometimes 6, in the morning and I sleep until 1. Does your body have any problems with it? It has a lot wrong with it. Are you doing ok spiritually? I’m working on strengthening my relationship with God. Have you taken any huge risks lately? No. Silence or songs? I don’t like complete silence ever. I need something, whether it be the TV, YouTube, or music. I sleep with the TV on for that reason (and for some light because I can’t have it completely dark either). Tea or coffee? Coffeeeee. Books or movies? I enjoy both. Do you ever watch your favorite movies from when you were a kid? Disney movies are timeless. ^If you were going to do that, what would you watch? Something Disney. Do you ignore rude people or do you call them out? I’ll talk shit about them to myself or someone I’m close with like my mom, ha. I don’t confront people. Well, unless it’s someone I’m close to who says or does something rude. Do you have trouble staying organized? With my life, yes. It’s showing externally now; though, too. My room has gotten cluttery and I hate it. It never used to be that way.  What has been your most favorite adventure? All the trips I’ve taken. What has been your greatest mistake? I’ve made a long list of ‘em. Are you happy with your life right now? No. Do you take anything to make your feel better? ”I take prescriptions to make me feel a-okay I know it’s all in my head.” Sorry, ya’ll know I’m always breaking out into song. Anyway, I currently don’t take any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety pills. Are your parents still together? Yes. What color socks do you have on? White. Are you under a blanket right now? I have one wrapped around me. Are you hopeful? :/

[theeeveetamer]

I'm pretty sure my computer would burn and die if I tried to play the Sims 4 but tell me anyway which packs are the best to buy!

Sims 4 is actually easier to run than Sims 3! Especially if you only have a few packs and no mods installed! They designed it for longevity, and it initially came out in 2014. There’s even a laptop mode designed specifically for people with lower end systems.

And, fun fact, you can try it for free! Origin allows a free trial for the Sims 4, so if you’re worried it won’t run or you’re worried you won’t like it you can always download the trial and test it out! That’s actually how I got into the game.

Though I will note before getting started: Some of the newer packs require a 64 bit operating system or a Metal-supported Mac system. Anything released after October 2019 cannot be played on a 32 bit/non-metal system.

Though at the moment that basically just excludes you from the University pack.

Also note! Different people like different stuff out of their Sims game, so if it sounds interesting don’t worry if I don’t rate it highly. I tend to play with a more realistic slant, and for items I tend to like more modern aesthetics when it comes to clothes and items. With that in mind, let’s get to the list! I’ve divided them up by pack type (Expansion, Game, or Stuff).

Expansion Packs:

1) Seasons: Must Have

I will always, always, always shill for the seasons EP of any Sims game. Frankly, I am of the opinion that it should just be base game, but whatever. It adds dynamic weather and, well, seasons which are two things that will affect your game no matter how you choose to play.

Sims 4 is rather unique from previous sim games in that it adds a calendar system and holidays. Not only can you celebrate holidays, you can actually create your own and freely edit or move them around! I’m not kidding, you can get pretty wacky. Like, worshiping garden gnomes and punching each other in the face wacky. Or you can be a loser like me, make every single Three Houses character, and make them all have a lovely Christmas together because they deserve it :x

2) City Living: Good to Have

This one is down to personal taste. I love the city aesthetic, and the apartments are pretty fun to play around with. City Living also adds some interesting festival activities and four unique city districts. Another boon, if this is something you’re interested in, is cultural diversity! Sims 4 has been making a concentrated effort to include more diversity in their games, and a lot of outfits and objects in this pack reflect that!

All of the festivals and events will still occur regardless of if you live in the city or not, so you don’t have to miss out on all of the features even if you don’t choose to use the apartments 100% of the time. Though the bulk of the new game-play really is in the city neighborhood.

3) Discover University: Good to Have (Note: This is one of those 64 bit packs)

I admittedly haven’t played around with this one extensively since it just came out, but I think it’s great fun! I put Sim Sylvain, Sim Felix, Sim Dimitri, and Sim Dedue through college and it was a struggle (in the best of ways). Dorm life, subsisting exclusively on Ramen, and staying up until 2 am working on that term paper that’s due tomorrow... What’s not to love? I’m always a big fan of University packs because, again, I like to play pretty realistically. With mods I managed to get them into a collective $80,000 of college debt and can you tell that I’m an American yet? 

Plus, this one added the teaching, law, and engineering professions to the game and I will never not enjoy making Dimitri a psychology professor for the irony.

University isn’t really necessary to your sims’ lives, but it certainly does help them out along the way. You can choose to ignore it if you want to, but I don’t really see myself doing that when I play, which means this pack will get a lot of use from me personally.

4) Cats and Dogs: Good to Have

If you’re really into the whole rustic aesthetic then this is definitely the pack for you. The town they added is very cute and one of my more well used towns (currently the residence of all of my Blue Lions Sims). If you want your Felix sim to have 6 cats then this is also the pack for you, because you can’t have pets otherwise.

You can also create your own veterinary clinic, which is a feature I’ve barely touched but I’m sure someone will get a kick out of! It’s similar to running a business or owning a restaurant from some similar packs.

God, and you can do some crazy fuckin things to these pets. You can basically cross breed to your heart’s content, so you can get some weird ass combinations. There’s also a paint tool, so you can have dogs with rainbow fur and cats with green paws. Oh and you can have pet foxes and raccoons, but they basically function as dogs and cats respectively.

All in all a fun pack, even if I don’t use all of its content 100% of the time.

5) Get to Work: It’s Alright

Here’s where I start getting a little lukewarm. Get to Work added three active careers (Doctor, Scientist, and Detective) as well as the ability to own and run your own retail store. And these features are fun! ... If you use them.

With the way the Sims 4 is built, having a Sim in an active career and a Sim family with more than one or two sims can be difficult to manage. You can only load one lot at a time, so if you follow your sim to work then you can’t play your sims at home and vice versa, you have to load through every time you switch. There are no “home businesses” either, so your sim either has to live “off lot” and travel (aka you have to sit through a loading screen) tp the retail store every time you do business, or you build a living space on the retail lot and try to wrangle the game into working. This means you have to manually bring your sims “home” to the store every day, and it causes some issues.

Personally, I don’t like being minorly inconvenienced, so after the novelty wore off I barely touched these features again. Most of the CAS and Build/Buy items are career or retail focused too, so I can’t say it has any must have items. I’m putting it at #5 though because I know many people love these features and happily play around the limitations.

6) Get Famous: It’s Alright

I’ll admit, I had a lot of fun with this pack when it first came out! It adds a lot of really cool stuff, like the reputation system, fame, and what is essentially a YouTuber career. There’s also another one of those active careers (actor/actress) if that’s your thing.

Fame also works in a very interesting way in this pack, too. There are “perks” and “quirks”, so your sim can have their own celebrity brand and hordes of followers, but have extremely volatile emotions or a fear of being touched. Kind of an interesting reward/drawback system that hasn’t been present in previous sim games.

Personally though, this pack doesn’t have much longevity to me. Just like Get to Work it was fun for a little while, but I don’t particularly like playing “famous” sims so many of the pack’s features go unused. The town, Del Sol Valley, is pretty underwhelming with only a handful of lots, and kind of a sunny desert-y aesthetic. Which doesn’t pair well if you like the rain and snow from Seasons like I do.

7) Island Living: It’s Alright

This pack is great if you love island-aesthetic items and clothes, tropical islands, and/or mermaids. Personally? I love all three of those things. I’ve been using quite a few of the outfits and objects and roleplaying them as “Duscur themed” for my Dimidue family. I mean, we have no idea what Duscur actually looked like, but the items are distinct enough from most of the typical items in the game that it kind of works?

Anyways, the reason this is so low is because there’s just not much to do in this pack. Mermaids and swimming and that’s basically it. There’s only one new career (conservationist) and three part time careers (diving, fishing, and life-guarding, which I kind of thought were going to be full time careers when I bought the damn thing...)

I’ll talk about this later, but the mermaids are by far the least interesting altered life state/occult in the game. Vampires (and I believe witches) have skill trees of powers and drawbacks, similar to those celebrity perks and quirks I talked about before. Mermaids have nothing like that, so they get boring to play with rather quickly. Watching their tail flop out while they’re in the bath is kinda fun though NGL.

The town is really cool though. I love basically all the pre-built lots and I love the items, but again if you like snow this probably isn’t a world you’re going to be using much. That, and to use many of the new features (like boats and ocean swimming and building houses out over the water) you must be in this world.

8) Get Together: Skippable

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seriously used any of the features from this pack aside from the town. The build/buy is a lot of Tudor style stuff, which I don’t tend to use, and a lot of the clothing is weirdly ugly clubbing clothes.

The clubs are really the big feature of this pack. Similarly to the holidays from Seasons, you can create clubs of sims that will get together and do activities. Basically any action in the game can have a club associated with it (from cleaning to “woohoo”) and you can have club perks that make your club more powerful, and sometimes infamous!

My main issue: If you aren’t actively using this feature it doesn’t really do anything. It just kind of exists as an extra sim panel in the bottom right corner of your screen. And I didn’t use it. Like, at all. That said, I know a lot of people find it very fun! I’m just not sure it’s worth spending $20-$40 of your money on.

Game Packs

I’ll just say right off the bat, I’m not going to talk about Realm of Magic. It adds wizards and wacky magical hijinks, but I bought it at the same time as University and I haven’t gotten around to playing it much yet. I will say, they added a ton of really cool objects and outfits! Especially the rugs. God, the rugs are to die for.

1) Parenthood: Must Have

Two words: Teen Angst. This pack fleshes out a lot of the younger life states. It adds teaching moments, punishments, “character value” traits such as polite or irresponsible, curfews, volunteering, sibling rivalries, mood swings, phases, etc. You want your kid to come home dressed like a bear randomly one day? This is for you.

I admit, I find a lot of the younger life stages in this game boring to play without this pack. I don’t think I could ever go back to vanilla sims after having used it, I find it that essential to my play style. Keep in mind though, this pack will only give you good mileage if you play families with sims of all ages.

2) Dine Out: Good to Have

You can own and operate a restaurant, which functions similarly to the retail stores and vet clinics I mentioned before. However, if you don’t want to own one then you can still plop them down in your town and your sims can travel there for dinners and such.

It’s really good for role playing dates and family nights out and such, but if that’s not your thing and you don’t care about owning one then this is not the pack for you.

3) Vampires: Fun, if You’re Into It

I actually played around with Vampires a lot when the pack first came out, which was honestly just a result of my life circumstance at the time (I was taking a literature course about vampires so I had vamps on the brain).

The vampire skills and vampire banes are pretty fun to mess with, and you can create a lot of pretty unique bloodsuckers. I had a Leo and Takumi sim, and the former was extremely weak to the sun and the latter could walk around in it no problem. Made for some fun role playing.

My two criticisms:

Vampires live forever, which means you’ll eventually get bored of playing the same sims.

Vampires don’t really sleep. They only sleep to recover their vampiric energy, which is only expended through the use of powers. It does not deteriorate naturally, so your vampire could be awake 24/7 for several sim days. Thing is, that just leaves you with too much time to do stuff. They’ll max their skills pretty quickly and then what do you do? Nothing.

Oh, and if you’re in to gothic-style stuff this is a must have for you.

4 & 5) Jungle Adventure and Outdoor Retreat: They’re Alright

I’m putting these in the same slot because they basically serve the same function: Vacations. One involves diving into ruins and hacking your way through jungles, the other is camping, but they’re both basically sim-vacations.

This is another one of those pack types where either you use it or you don’t, and if you don’t it doesn’t really do anything for you. Most of the game packs are like that, actually. Personally, I don’t take my sims on sim vacations very often so I mostly keep these packs around for the items.

Though I will say Outdoor Retreat added a ton of plaid so if that’s your aesthetic then go for it.

6) Spa Day: Skippable

This one basically just allows you to place and build “spa lots” in the world. It added the wellness skill, which ties into the meditation and yoga activities. There’s also saunas and massage tables, but I have rarely if ever placed them in a home lot for personal use.

Another use it or don’t kind of thing. I don’t even have a spa lot placed on my current world, so that just goes to show you how much I use this pack.

Some of the items are cool. Unless you really like those I’d say pass.

7) Strangerville: Honestly It Just Doesn’t Make That Much Sense As a Sims Pack?

Strangerville basically added a story and quest line to the game. I hear it’s pretty fun, but I don’t really play Sims for stories and quests, I play it as a sandbox game. So although I have the pack I’ve never actually played the “story” of it. It’s really not the best Game Pack to get as an entry to the series since it’s such a departure from the typical sims experience.

The town is alright, but again another desert so forget it if you like rain and snow. Unless you really really want the military career or you like the outfits and objects then I wouldn’t personally recommend. Especially for newer players to the series.

Stuff Packs

Honestly there are waaaaaay too many of these for me to rank and I wouldn’t really describe any of them as “must haves”, so instead I’m just going to put down my five favorites. But it’s really up to you to look at the items and decide if it’s worth your $10. Each pack adds a new “game-play” feature, though they’re very small and can be lived without pretty easily.

1) Laundry Day Stuff

This entire pack was actually voted on and “created” by Sims players so that’s a huge plus! More rustic-style items, and the game-play feature here is, obviously, laundry. Since I like playing more realistically, adding another chore was actually worth the money for me lmao. Plus all of the clothes are cute and comfy looking!

The Sims Team also has an amazing sense of humor and named an entire set of the items “Wicker Whims” after the WickedWhims sex mod for the game. Which, honestly? When a dev interacts with players like that it’s always really endearing to me.

2) Movie Hangout Stuff

The aesthetic of this pack is Boho-chic for some reason, so if you like that this pack delivers! The new game-play feature is popcorn and watching movies which can be fun for roleplaying families.

3) Kids Room Stuff

Another one that’s only useful if you play families, but it did add a cute little trading card game for kids. They can collect cards and battle them, similar to Pokemon. Unfortunately, adults can’t play, but I’m sure there’s a mod out there for that somewhere. A lot of the items look really good too, and I use them all semi-frequently. Kids tend to get the short end of the stick when new packs come out, so getting a bunch of hair, outfits, and items for them fills a good niche.

4) Perfect Patio Stuff

Lots of outdoorsy type items, as the name implies. Wicker chairs and outdoor counter tops and the like. This bad boy also brought the return of hot tubs (which probably has the cutest woohoo animation in the game, just saying).

5) Moschino Stuff

The items have a mostly modern, sleek aesthetic, and it adds the freelance photographer career to the game (which is currently what Sim Sylvain is employed as). I basically recommend it on those merits, because the clothes it added are godawful ugly and I’m otherwise not a huge fan of brand-sponsored packs. They’re nothing really new for The Sims, but luxury brands with hideous overpriced clothes aren’t really my thing.

Some Other General Advice for Starting Out

I covered some of this stuff further up but I’ll repeat in case people just skimmed this really long post.

I will warn everyone stay away from “My First Pet Stuff”! You are basically required to own Cats and Dogs to make use of a good chunk of its items, so you might just be wasting your money.

You can get a trial of the game for free if you just want to test it out to see if you’ll like it or if your computer will run it.

Never buy a pack at full price. I’m not kidding when I say they have sales for this game every couple of months. Even if there isn’t a sale there is a bundle option, which is significantly cheaper than buying individual packs! Discover University was $40 at full price. I purchased a bundle with Discover University, Realm of Magic, and Moschino Stuff for $50. Had I bought them separately it would have ran me $70.

In fact sometimes they give the base game out for free! I know they did a promotion like this this past summer. Sims really makes their money from Expansion Packs, so one of their marketing strategies is to give the base game out for free to entice you to play. Even if it’s not free, it’s always steeply discounted during sales. I believe you can get it for $6 right now. I have 1000+ hours in this game, so six dollars is pretty cheap for that much entertainment.

You can see every single item and outfit in a pack before you buy it. So if you’re not sure if it’s for you, just look! The items are listed right there on the Origin store page.

Mods are amazing. Custom content is amazing. If anyone is curious I can create a list of the mods I use/Custom Content I use for my various Fire Emblem sims.

[matteredloyaltyaa]

really LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES.

repost , don’t reblog ! tag 10 ! good luck !

TAGGED. I stole it. TAGGING. Go for it. lol

FULL NAME : Arthur M/organ NICKNAME : A handful. English, Cowboy/Cowpoke, Black Lung, etc. Common aliases are Tacitus Kilgore and Arthur Callahan. AGE : 36. BIRTHDAY : January 25th, 1836. ETHNIC GROUP : Caucasian. NATIONALITY : American. LANGUAGE / S : English, primarily. Knew a handful of Welsh thanks to his father, but it’s faded with disuse.  SEXUAL ORIENTATION : Bisexual, somewhat closeted.  ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : Biromantic, somewhat closeted. RELATIONSHIP STATUS : Verse dependent, single-ship with @notanoutlaw in most. CLASS : Lower/working HOME TOWN / AREA : Arthur just mentions he was born “up north”, I headcanon around the Oregon area, possibly California due to his mother’s favorite flower, but it’s uncertain. Though, the place he laments the most about is New Austin, or “out west”.   CURRENT HOME : Transitory, he moves with the gang.  PROFESSION : Outlaw, occasional bounty hunter.

PHYSICAL. HAIR : Light brown, dark blonde in some lights. EYES : Unique eye colour, blue-grey-sorta hazel.  NOSE : Average, dimpled. Scarred from fighting and getting it broken a couple times.  FACE : Somewhat sharp features in the brow and cheekbones, square jaw.  LIPS : Full, can be dry/chapped.  COMPLEXION : Somewhat clear? Hard to tell. Dry, dirt spattered sometimes.  BLEMISHES : Uncertain. SCARS : A handful. Most notable are the one he has on his chin that is most visible with shorter facial hair, one across his nose, and the one left on his shoulder by the O’Driscolls in chapter 3.  TATTOOS : N/A HEIGHT : 6′0, possibly 6′1 WEIGHT : Uncertain, fluctuates.  BUILD : Stocky, broad shouldered and he can be fairly intimidating, especially when his weight is about average or above.  FEATURES : Look above? ALLERGIES : N/A USUAL HAIR STYLE : Right parted, about 3-5 in length. Though, for people who don’t know the system--fairly short, tufts out around his ears and may reach the back of his neck before he cuts it again. USUAL FACE LOOK : Expression wise, his kind of got a resting irritated face, sometimes bored. Rarely clean shaven unless he has to be, usually keeps a fair amount of stubble.  USUAL CLOTHING : I change him too much to say. Tends to keep his heavy navy blue winter jacket, jeans/ranch pants, some sort of button up shirt, and sometimes his tan leather jacket. Tends to keep his hat, however, unless he needs to go without. 

PSYCHOLOGY. FEAR / S : Arthur has a mild one of change. He’s adaptable but he’s very sentimental and nostalgic, he will miss “old ways” and previous places. There’s also losing his usefulness, disappointing those who depend on him (much as he will get defensive when it happens). Post-Guarma, he does develop a fear of drowning. It won’t keep him from swimming, but getting swept or held underwater may cause some panic. Post-game au, he does fear about getting sick again and actively avoids doctors.  ASPIRATION / S : Uncertain, just wants to get out of the mess he’s in and eventually just wants a calm existence somewhere. However, once he’s diagnosed with TB, his main goal is getting those who want/will listen to him out of the gang as it starts to fall down. POSITIVE TRAITS : Caring, compassionate (to people he knows, might not be clear on first impression), intelligent (much as he may say the opposite and isn’t exactly book smart), observational, brave, humorous (in certain situations and may be a cover sometimes), friendly (somewhat, changes as he ages), artistic, creative, loyal, etc. NEGATIVE TRAITS : Violent, murderer (doesn’t do it without reason but he knows he’s killed more than he certainly should), defensive, (passive) aggressive, sarcastic, depressive, self-deprecating, selfish, rude (sometimes intentional, sometimes not), conflicted, stubborn, reckless (sometimes, has mellowed out with age but it’s still there), self destructive (sometimes), money-driven (not always a flaw but he’s easily swayed by money). MBTI : ISFJ-T - Turbulent Defender  ZODIAC : Aquarius  TEMPERAMENT : Phlegmatic-Melancholic ANIMALS : I’m not going to take the quiz because the game is very heavy handed with the whitetail buck motif for high honor Arthur. lol VICE HABIT / S : Smoking, drinking, etc. FAITH : Non-religious. GHOSTS ? : Generally, the existence of ghosts isn’t something he completely writes off after he’s witnessed the few in the game, but he’s also hard pressed to admit to believing in them outright. AFTERLIFE ? : Not in any sort of defined sense. He’ll often say he doesn’t believe in one or it won’t be a nice one for him if there is, but he finds himself nervous about the subject once he gets sick.  REINCARNATION ? : He doesn’t know enough about it. ALIENS ? : Not really? Doesn’t really know he’s looking at a UFO when he sees it. POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : Don’t start. ECONOMIC PREFERENCE : Uncertain. SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION : Uncertain. EDUCATION LEVEL : Does not have a formal education on even the basic levels (primary, high school, etc), however Hosea and Dutch have taught him to read and write and he’s learned a handful of things when it comes to survival and his lifestyle. However, he’s not exactly book smart or the “book learnin’ type”. 

FAMILY. FATHER : Lyle M/organ, deceased. MOTHER : Beatrice M/organ, deceased. SIBLINGS : No blood related, but considers John as one along with a couple other members of camp. EXTENDED FAMILY : He has a few uncles, aunts, and cousins, but he’s not in touch. Issac, his son, and his mother, Eliza, who are both deceased. Mary L/inton/Gillis, ex-fiance. (Cain Kennedy, lover - @notanoutlaw) NAME MEANING / S : Arthur - English, “noble, courageous”, Morgan - (and I’m going against what’s been said in fandom) - Celtic/Welsh surname, comes from Old Welsh name Morcant - “mor” as “sea” and “cant” as “circle”.    HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : Uncertain in the game, but it’s been pointed out about King Arthur and also Morgan le Fay, which highlights his struggle with good vs evil themes in his character. 

FAVOURITES. BOOK : Uncertain, mostly non-fiction. MOVIE : -- 5 SONGS : -- DEITY : Doesn’t know enough to give a favorite. HOLIDAY : Christmas, in a way. Not quite for the religious context, but he enjoys the hunting and cooking the gang does to celebrate, singing and talking over fires. He remembers it vividly when he was younger, so it’s stuck with him. MONTH : April-May. SEASON : late spring, early summer. PLACE : He likes most places in wilderness, give him something with a view and he’s good. WEATHER : Sunny, average weather. Not too hot, not too cold. SOUND : Rain, birds, etc. SCENT / S : Again, rain, campfires, etc. TASTE / S : Prefers savory over sweet.   FEEL / S : Weightlessness in his limbs once he’s able to sit/lay down after a long day, fingers in his hair, etc. ANIMAL / S : Horses, dogs, cats, animals. NUMBER : He hasn’t given it much thought. COLOUR : Blues, greens, deeper colours.

EXTRA. TALENTS : Sharpshooting, Arthur’s got impeccable aim and speed when using guns, there’s also his drawing, he’s getting fairly good at tracking, etc. BAD AT : Admitting to mistakes, expressing himself emotionally, adhering to rules, anything overly scientific, etc. TURN ONS : Sense of humor, confidence or self-assurance, kindness and/or compassion, dark hair, etc. TURN OFFS : Hypocrisy (much as he suffers from that himself), cockiness (has a limit before confidence becomes a turn off), excessive or needless cruelty, etc. HOBBIES : Drawing, writing in his journal, hunting, wandering around/sight seeing, etc. TROPES : Anti-Hero/Anti-Villain,The Atoner, The Big Guy, Jerk with a Heart of Gold, Obfuscating Stupidity, etc. AESTHETIC TAGS : Horses, old west, deserts, nature, gun slinging, writing, drawing, photography, etc. 

FC INFO. MAIN FC / S : R/oger Clark, mainly in game icons so I haven’t found a need for one. ALT FC / S : -- OLDER FC / S : -- YOUNGER FC / S : -- VOICE CLAIM / S : R/oger Clark GENDERBENT FC / S :

MUN QUESTIONS. Q1 : if you could write your character your way in their own movie , what would it be called , what style would it be filmed in , and what would it be about ? A1 : I actually REALLY enjoy the game’s story line, much as I feel the redemption through death is overplayed and not as deep as people make it out to be. I’d find a way to subvert that or some alternative, but idk. I like the game’s story. lol

Q2 : what would their soundtrack / score sound like ? A2 : Western-y. IDK? The game’s soundtrack is actually really good too so.  Q3 : why did you start writing this character ? A3 : I love his development and progression as a character, and even with the trailers where he seemed no more than an angry outlaw there was a part of me that was still “hmm” about writing him. Ultimately, he’s grown to mean a lot to me and I really enjoy writing for him on this blog.  Q4 : what first attracted you to this character ? A4: As mentioned above, Arthur probably has one of the best character progressions I’ve seen in a while imo. Even in the beginning, I went in under the impression that I’d be playing as this outlaw so the violence and gruffness wasn’t too much of a surprise, much as I wasn’t too attached until later chapters in the game because of this. However, as I spent more time playing as him and reading his journal, seeing how he interacts with strangers and people he loves, he has some depth to him and some deep rooted flaws and insecurities that are played very well in the game. He’s probably one of the few character deaths I’ve cried over. lol Q5 : describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 : I have to be truthful, Arthur’s an asshole. lol I didn’t like and still don’t like him from Colter into Horseshoe in behavior and personality, much as it’s lessened from my first play of the game because I know what happens to him and how he grows. However, while he’s not blind to himself and how he acts, he doesn’t think for himself really. Even if he hates debt collecting, he does it for the gang and even tells Strauss he does it for pleasure at a point (sarcastic or not, considering they are talking about Thomas, a man trying to raise money for charity while suffering poverty himself on top of having TB), he does whatever Dutch tells him, among many other things. It’s not until later in the game that the theme of grasping redemption comes into play, and he starts to act and think for himself a little more once things start to spiral. As much as I love him with all my heart, Arthur’s got some deep flaws that are hard to ignore.   Q6 : what do you have in common with your muse ? A6 : HHHhh. I’d say we suffer from similar self-esteem issues, not just in body image but morality of character (much as his are way more complicated than mine jaksfha), we also have a similar sense of humor...Yeah, idk. I’m attached to him as a character and I can relate to him in certain ways, but it’s hard to pinpoint.  Q7 : how does your muse feel about you ? A7 : Idk, he’s pixels? Though, for the sake of a fun answer, I genuinely don’t know? We can be fairly similar in mannerisms and thought process (at points), but I have no idea if we’d actually get along if by some universe rip we were able to meet.  Q8 : what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ? A8: I don’t want to get specific, I interact with a lot of interesting characters. Anybody who’s put me out of a comfort zone or forced me to look at Arthur in the different way has definitely stood out. Q9 : what gives you inspiration to write your muse ? A9 : The game itself is a good source, I enjoy putting up lets plays of it in the background sometimes if I’m struggling or just need something that isn’t music. I get more muse putting together blog playlists than playing them, but there’s that, too. Also generally plotting or talking about him can pull some to the forefront. Q10 : how long did this take you to complete ? A10 : An hour or so, I think?

[agirlinjapan]

Red Data Girl: My Wish on the Night of the Shooting Stars (Week 24)

Red Data Girl: My Wish on the Night of the Shooting Stars By Noriko Ogiwara A Translation

Miss the last piece? Read it here!

Check out the RDG Translation twitter!

Help me pay for my next translation project on Ko-fi.

Nine more days left of school! I repeat, nine more days left of school! How great is that? I’m looking forward to summer vacation. I’ll be doing a lot of little travel between family obligations, some trips with friends, and a little working holiday I’m planning for myself. Mostly though, I’m planning to take some much needed downtime for myself the attention this translation deserves!

Red Data Girl: My Wish on the Night of the Shooting Stars By Noriko Ogiwara Chapter 3: Winter Solstice Part 3 (2 of 2)

At four o’clock, the auditorium opened and students started gathering inside.  

When Izumiko looked around at the people arriving, she saw that plenty of students were wearing normal clothing, but many others had come dressed in costumes as well. From what she could see through her mask, there were even some students dressed in full out cosplay. As a result, the student government members did not stick out very much at all. It looked like many of the foreign students had gotten a taste for traditional Japanese clothing during the festival, because an unusual amount of them had even arrived in kimonos.

The whole event hadn’t turned out very much like a Christmas party, but Hoshino had said from the start that he hadn’t been aiming for a religious feel. They had even gone out of their way not to use any ornaments on the Christmas tree that would be construed as Christian symbols. With that said, they had used plenty of tinsel, ribbon, glass balls, and blinking strings of lights, and the auditorium was admittedly decorated in red and green.

As plenty of teachers were also in attendance, there were far more adults scattered around the room than Izumiko had thought there would be. Unsurprisingly, none of the teachers were dressed in costumes, but they were wearing cone shaped party hats happily enough. There were other teachers standing around the tables at the edge of the room where sandwiches, cookies, and drinks had been set up.

…This really does feel like a party…

At the start of the event before everyone had arrived, Izumiko had felt like she had been looking in at the big room and its decorations from some outside place, but now she couldn’t help but feel drawn in by the festivities. The white-haired Santa Claus was, of course, a huge hit, and Izumiko, in her matching reindeer costume, walked around with him. Santa had candy in his bag and he handed it out to the people around them as they went, making him even more popular.

Practically all the people who came to see Santa also wanted to shake Izumiko’s hand once they saw her in her costume, not that they knew who she was. For some time, she, the reindeer, became a one stop handshake station.

Eventually, volunteers stepped up onto the stage to sing a song or perform a short skit, and most of the crowd was drawn in that direction. Only then did Izumiko realize just how tired she had become. The festivities hadn’t livened her mood as much as she had thought they would.

What’s wrong? I’m here at this great party, aren’t I? Is this because the barrier’s not up today?...

A strange, uncanny feeling that she hadn’t felt in a while returned. There were shikigami mixed in with the students in the hall. That was most likely why she was feeling so off.

Now that I think about it, I have been acting pretty carefree about everything lately…  

Not far away, Manatsu, who was dressed in a wolf costume not unlike Izumiko’s reindeer, had taken off his wolf head and was playfully putting it on different students. Izumiko had no intentions of doing the same thing.

After the chairman had made his opening speech on the stage, he had disappeared into the crowd of students and now was out of sight. It was the same with the parents who had run the bazaar during the festival. She could not spot even one of them through the wide mouth of the reindeer.

“Let’s take a break, Miss Reindeer,” Claus said unexpectedly.

When she turned her head in his direction, she saw that the Santa bag he was holding was more or less empty.

“Let’s go into the side room and have some juice and sandwiches. They say you can’t work on an empty stomach, and besides, we’re guests at this party, too.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Izumiko was relieved to know that they were in agreement. Her throat was painfully dry. Seeing as she couldn’t use her hands very well in the costume’s gloves, Claus picked up some food for her, and the two of them slowly made their way to the side of the auditorium.

No one would be able to see them in the side room. When they got to there, Izumiko took off the reindeer head. Only then did she realize how difficult it had been to breath inside of it. That was part of the reason she hadn’t been able to relax so far during the party.

Claus, having taken off his own white beard, looked over at her.

“Oh! Your color’s not good,” he said, sounding a little surprised. “Are you feeling sick, Izumiko?”

“No. I’m just not used to the costume. That’s all. I’ll be fine after our break,” she answered quickly. She pulled off the costume’s gloves and undid the fastener at her back so that she could pull the fuzzy fabric down around her waist. This immediately made her feel much better. She accepted a cup of orange juice gratefully.

Claus placed a red and white napkin on his costumed lap and enthusiastically began eating a sandwich. He seemed to have had enough of the party for the time being while working as Santa, and did not mind at all that they were eating outside of the main hall.

Izumiko considered how Claus was helping her out by coming out here so that she didn’t eat alone. It was something a good-natured Santa would do.

She took the seat next to Claus and decided that she would ask him somewhat of a personal question. She had never had a chance to talk with him one on one before.

“Hey, does it bother you at all when Takayanagi chants Bible verses? Isn’t that upsetting to you as a Christian?”

Claus blinked his dark blue eyes and stopped eating for a moment to think about this. Then he opened his mouth and said, “Hmm…. It doesn’t bother me. There’s power in the words of the Bible and that’s what’s important. I see it as something Takayanagi and I can agree on. There are people who grew up in the same culture as me, but there are even more who grew up in cultures different from mine. It is possible to become friends with anyone.”

“You can forgive people for using your magic even though they don’t believe in Christianity?” Izumiko asked.

His response was unexpected.

“Honestly, there are more things I cannot forgive fellow Christians of. Germany has a past full of it. The Catholics and Protestants have come together in hate many times and have killed many people.”

“That is true…”

“Theology isn’t tolerant at all. I think there are definitely people who hear one thing and immediately say it’s wrong. Before I say something is wrong though, I want to learn more about it,” Claus said, smiling at Izumiko. “You’re the same, aren’t you, Izumiko? If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have come here. I’d like to be a priest, but I don’t know if I’ll really be able to do that.”

His unconcerned way of speaking was strange to Izumiko. She let out a quiet laugh.

“I can tell that you have a big heart, Claus. That’s why you were able to take on the job of American Santa so well.”      

“I don’t think I really could have refused. Even though the feel and the look of Christmas is different from country to country, I think it brings people from all over the world together. Today is the shortest day of the year, and with the shadows coming down on us, it’s a reason for people to come together and celebrate.”

“This is a winter solstice party?”

“Germany’s at a higher latitude than Japan, so the days are much shorter in the winter there,” Claus said thoughtfully. “It has a feeling of being wrapped in darkness. During this season, we light candles on a specific day to invite the light back in. Supernatural forces can wander around in the shadows, so we do this to chase those forces away and light a figurative flame in our souls. Christmas decorations sparkle in the lights that are lit, which is why we put them up.”

***

Talking about Christmas lightened Izumiko’s mood. Between that and the sandwich and cookies she ate, Izumiko felt like she could keep wearing the reindeer costume until the end of the party.

I just have to bear with it a little longer. I need to stay hidden today…

When she slid back into the upper half of the costume and went back into the auditorium, Hoshino was up on stage with the microphone, inviting people to join him for a game. Okouchi was spinning a bingo cage with intensity. Seeing as there were prizes to win, most of the party goers’ attention had moved to that area of the room.

“Do you want to play bingo? We’re guests here too, after all.”

“Yeah. You’re right…” Izumiko agreed, but her costume’s gloves blocked the numbers on her playing card. She made herself busy looking around the room instead.

She watched patiently from her place at the edge of the crowd. As she looked, she spotted Takayanagi’s tall hat appear as he stood up in the middle of a group of his followers. There were a number of girls in the group, but there also seemed to be a good amount of boys as well. The group didn’t seem to be up to any trouble though, so that was fine.

As Izumiko looked around the crowd further, she saw that Mayura and Honoka had already found the chairman as they had promised they would. It was about time for Mayura to change into her princess costume, but maybe unwilling to cut the conversation short, she was still in her handkerchief and apron.

The chairman smiled through the whole conversation. He was middle aged and sturdily built although not very large. He did not act all important despite his job title. From his soft outer appearance, he didn’t look like the sort of person who would scheme either, but Izumiko knew better than that.

Mayura, Honoka, and the chairman may have been deep in conversation about something, but of course, Izumiko wasn’t close enough to hear what was being said, so she turned the reindeer head to look somewhere else. Miyuki wasn’t part of the discussion with the chairman…

After a bit of searching, she found Miyuki in his ascetic monk outfit. He was with Angelica, a little removed from the rest of the crowd.

Angelica’s costume was just as outlandish as Izumiko had thought it would be. Her skirt was umbrella wide and looked something like what might be worn on stage at a ballet except that it was part of a party dress covered in lace and ribbon that a little girl would wear. Her hair was up in pigtails decorated with more ribbons. While students were whispering “magical girl?” back and forth to each other about the costume, that was definitely not what she was wearing.

Up until now, Izumiko had never seen Miyuki have a one on one conversation with Angelica. Here they were though, wrapped up in their own discussion to a point where no other student tried to break in. Just then, Angelica’s face broke into a bright smile and she happily beckoned someone over. A foreign man in began to approach the two. It was probably Pierre, Angelica’s father.    

What am I doing here?... Izumiko thought suddenly.

Out of nowhere, it felt like it was even harder to breath in the mask than it had been before.

I’m hiding in people’s shadows, disguising myself like this, and just staring out at a party through a peephole. There’s no reason for me to be here…

She recalled what Takayanagi had said. He had wanted to understand why she was going this far to hide from the public eye. If she wanted a reason why the goddess shouldn’t become the World Heritage Candidate, she had one. Izumiko desperately wanted to live a normal life and for that very reason, she needed to ask the others for their support in making that happen. However, she hadn’t realized that as she had been bumbling along.

Watching Miyuki’s lively back and forth with people like Angelica and Pierre made Izumiko think that what he had said about being fine with the news about Kaori had only been words. But she was also pretty sure that had been obvious from the start.

Of course he’d care. It’s his mom…

Sooner or later Miyuki would travel overseas now that he knew where she was. Izumiko was already sure of that much as well. Whether it would be because of who he was or what he was capable of, it was something he would have to do. It wasn’t just his mother who had gone abroad. His father, Yukimasa, was the sort of person who wandered as well.

Miyuki will have a future that’ll take him far away. I’m different… I’ll be hidden by other people my whole life and so there’s no place for me to go. Even if I could hide myself away and put off what’ll eventually happen, there’s no place that Miyuki and I could go together…  

Becoming aware of the darkness in the costume’s mask, she began to feel like she was the only one wrapped in shadows. That seemed fitting for her. When it came down to it, she was really the one who was carrying around all the darkness with her.    

Without me even realizing it, everyone’s bound me to their own plans... It’s just like what Takayanagi was trying to say. He was right about everything. About Miyuki, too.

Her panic was rising, but at least she knew it was creeping up on her. She wanted to scream for no reason. Just as she realized exactly what was going on, all the lights in the auditorium; strings of Christmas lights, everything, went out.

Keep reading!

[elizabethrobertajones]

14x09 watching notes

jingle bells, bobo smells,  It is no fun, for us to wait All christmas in hiatus

-

Berens... please...... I beg you........... don't kill the sweet precious moonchild that is Garth. Please. The joke is "how are you still alive!?" and it would be a disrespect to Bobby's memory, and he represents a stable post-hunting endgame that was a beacon in season 9. In this essay I will

-

They used Dean's dead-voice "we're the guys that scare them" speech about hunting monsters in 13x05 to open. I wonder if Yockey wrote that thinking it might be the logical open to 13x23 and instead they used "this is boring, got any music?" also from one of his episodes.

[i guess! meme]

-

The recap left us hanging about if Jack was alive or not for the Kaia recap which turns out to be rude even though I know that he's fine ("fine") now because I am so emotionally affected by this dumb lump of nougat that not seeing an instant "he's okay haha tricked you!" legit raised my stress levels a notch.

-

Maybe because it's 4am and I was demolishing a slab of toast before the December chill in my room got it first, but I don't think there was any particular art or storytelling to the recap worth mentioning or musing on, and this came across almost more like the recap AFTER the break because getting back to plot stuff like seeing Mikey things again... The 13x05 lines make me wary on Dean's emotional behalf but obviously these are for very different reasons so the only real thing that might come up is that Cas is hiding his deal from Dean and Dean sounded so dead in the feels because Cas was dead. Obviously the real stress right now is what's up with Dean re: obvious nerve-wracking things like the djinn bouncing off his head or his swooshy vision, things we've been collecting up to ask more pointed questions about when Michael's in the room.

-

Americans: "that's downtown Vancouver!/an actual American city!/the ACTUAL American city in the caption!" me: "hurrrr skyline"

-

How much budget for Christmas music

I hate this episode already

-

Okay the blood and screaming is improving things.

-

Listen, werewolves always have so much fun these days. We had the knock knock one in 13x09, the Kardashian ones in 13x23, and now we have wereSanta here, who just spotted the mistletoe. D'aaaw.

-

These halo-shaped lights in this apartment Michael picked sure are gonna come in handy if the director knows what they're doing.

-

GARF. Please say you're here undercover.

-

OH SHIT. Michael KNOWS. Being in Dean's head does that to you. All his peeps get embedded in your brain. Please tell me some 2 way vessel/angel nonsense happens and you can't bring yourself to harm him.

-

GARTH HAS A LITTLE GIRL NOOOOOOOOOOOO

She adores Mr Fizzles. Garth spends hours with them hanging out together.

-

I don't believe him though. I mean. He's just telling Michael what he wants to hear, right?

-

Having a little girl is such a way to die, though. I mean. Can we just... not do that?

-

Let Garth Go Home For Christmas

-

Those halos sure aren't landing over Michael's head no matter how many of them there are

-

Jack: eating gross cereal made of cookies at midnight in the dark

Me: I love and support you and have done the same

Cas: *SQUINT*

-

Dadstiel is the best

-

Sam being the "it will rot your teeth" dad is also the best. I love the Dad Heirarchy being established here. Sam is still Dad no.1 and the one who lays down the rules and gets disobeyed about midnight cereal, full on domestic dad-ing. Cas is the dad who hears you munching from across the entire Bunker and sighs and gets out of Dean's bed where they've been watching movies together (I extrapolate from missing data) and comes to investigate but ends up in the Secret Midnight Cookie Cereal Pact instead.

-

If Garth dies he may bequeath Mr Fizzles to Sam to help parent Jack, who is now keeping secrets about midnight cereal consumption and needs an expert lie-detector to help him parent.

-

Okay, so, in season 9 after Dean took the Mark of Cain he was up all night eating cornflakes and not sleeping. The corn was symbolic to Cain. Jack goes through all he did and has cookie cereal which is just his sweet tooth. But he had foreign grace implanted in him, and also is tapping a lil bit of his soul to be alive, meaning he's in a weird power situation and we don't know what's up with him at all. TFW are very much like "upright and not coughing blood is good enough for us", especially when with magic involved it's not like they might have an actual science explanation ever come their way.

Jack sitting in the dark is obviously symbolic of hiding things, his cookie cereal is disapproved of and a guilty secret from Sam in the first place, he's consuming something - willingly - that's bad for him and will rot him right after the sweet sweet probably not Gabriel grace he ingested 2 episodes ago, and added all up makes a secret - and he and Cas of course share Cas's deal secret so it's not like Cas can go stomping around complaining to the other dads what he found Jack doing without Jack being like yeah well guess what CAS did.

It's sure a fun way to parallel the beginning of Dean's dark dark arc and Jack's sugary sweet dark arc.

-

Dean: kid if you are going to sit in the kitchen at weird hours and eat cereal, at least self-flagellate a little *slams the box of cornflakes down in front of him.*

-

Jack also is wearing a lot of red lately.

-

Though his new jacket is santa-coloured not like... Mark of Cain doom blood death coloured like demon!Dean's infamous red shirt.

-

He's currently wearing Cas-coloured shoes and sitting in Dean's spot from 9x13 aka the iconic cornflakes scene in question.

-

"If you can't sleep, that's understandable, given recent events." "You mean dying and coming back to life."

Cas has been around the humans too long. He talks in euphemisms and gets called out by his too-literal son.

The tables turn.

-

Oh Jack... so full of worries about Heaven and if his mom is safe, and making Cas confront that nothing is perfect, even Heaven, and have to say it out loud because he can't lie to Jack and sugarcoat this.

Reminds me of 13x06 where he had to tell Jack that yeah sorry not all angels are perfect either. Sweet lil foetus!Jack sure picked the correct angel to be his guardian.

-

Naomi is "complicated"

Cas. Hon. *hands him a blanket and a bowl of cereal*

-

OH MY GOD Jack calling him out on why can't Sam and Dean know about the deal.

Having Jack around is so much a breath of fresh air that Cas is starting to regret ever kidnapping him in 12x19.

-

"They CAN I just don't WANT them to know" CAS. You've been forced to Verbalise A Thing Using The Correct Language. I am giving you an entire gold star. TWO GOLD STARS. I'm drawing a smilie face on them.

-

Jack is upset that Cas made the deal for him: "they don't need that burden. you don't need that burden" "of course I do. You did that, for ME" - the ole season 2 Dean thing, where it took until 2x08 to know for sure what John did and it basically killed Dean 3 times over and he was a Mess. Not knowing but not having all the answers and being worried/suspicious about what's up with the neat circumstances of being alive again is hooorrible. And this is calling out the whole Winchester cycle of sacrifice (conveniently now with us knowing that John will be dropping by for an episode to really hammer the point home) by addressing how Jack now has to carry the burden of knowing that Cas did that for him.

Cas is like, "Yeah don't worry I haven't been happy in all of Creation." Jack looks earnestly at him. "I'm sorry."

Cas diverts to eating the gross cereal, which he apparently also secretly indulges in, or else, as Mittens pointed out to me, Dean does too and either way Cas is being gross and adorable and hanging out with his kid and this is horrible I hate it oh god it's more sickly sweet than the cereal they're eating.

-

Garth hiding in the kitchen to panic and phone mom to get him from the party.

-

"THIS ISN'T YOUR MOM, GARTH, THIS IS AN ARCHANGEL"

-

And he's just learned to say "balls" appropriately too.

-

Sam immediately gets The Guilts because he's  being leaderly and losing Garth would be his first major blow as a leader oh god oh god no oh Sammy oh GARTH I can't handle this.

Berens sure is invested in the leader!Sam stuff and telling this story long before anyone else was and had his minion Glynn tease us with Maggie earlier in the season D:

-

I'm calling mom to get me from the party

-

"It's Ketch" Sam raises his eyebrows like "I forgot he was in this season"

Does that mean Ketch skyped Cas first

that's hilarious all by itself

-

He has tea because of course he does

-

Oh my god he's skyping with Jack. Are they buds? HAS HE ADOPTED JACK?

Honestly of all the characters in the entire show he's probably resisted longest so far when it comes to adopting Jack if they ever met even briefly in Apocalypse World.

This is how you can tell he's the worst :P Rowena "I will never love again" MacLeod took all of 20 seconds to adopt Jack.

-

He's been in England for like a week and his accent is 100x more hammy. "ExPRopriATE"

He's rolling his Rs. I mean. Is that even in our accent? Not in mine.

-

Jack watching attentively while he tells his story with no judgement forthcoming, just pure interest in what Ketch says... good thing Ketch is too self-centred on his tale of derring-do or he might find Jack's sweet interest flattering and begin wondering if he has it in himself to be fatherly.

-

I'm suddenly legitimately interested in the unstoppable force of Jack's adoptability vs the immovable object of Ketch's ego.

-

He posted it. Around Christmas. Look I'm friends with a postie and she's hucking around a bag as big as herself.

-

Maybe he put a ribbon on it.

-

From BUDAPEST. Paying extra really is gonna speed THAT up

-

"Where is our weapon?" "It's been sitting in Guam for a week. I don't understand. Why is it in Guam?"

-

TFW all react with snark, side-eyes or despair at Ketch, and 2.0 doesn't even get a reaction because I don't think Jack understands how dumbass Ketch is because he's too smol to have fought the mail :P

-

"We appreciate the effort" "DO WE?"

Cas is staring into the void, meanwhile. Internally, "Well at least I can be sure I'm not going to worry about allowing myself to be happy any time THIS month"

-

Oh, sweet! The laptop is set up right next to Britain on the map table :')

-

Hey if they have to brave the post office to get the egg, they can find out Harper is still stalking Jack :D

-

Cas can't even work out which direction to start rolling his eyes, gives up and walks off. Dean gestures the screen, look what you made him do! You asshole!

-

"Only thing that can take him down now is the full Ichabod" "?" *gestures decapitation* "oh."

Poor Garth. Werewolves really are the worst. I can see why you were so upset about being turned.

-

Remember when Sam described him as an "ichabod crane alike" or something, I think in 9x12 when asking at the hospital about him? Maybe? I swear to god that might be a less subtle hint Garth is going to die than Charlie's "merry christmas"

-

Garth honey nooo

-

I'm pretty sure we saw Michael mind-controlling the werewolf in the cold open which means we're in for SOME sort of drama next

-

Oh good Cas is back, I guess he went to scream outside.

"Oh it would have made it if it wasn't closed for the holidays" Sam is being so withering I hope Ketch can feel it from Budapest.

-

Garth you are going to get in so much trouble and I'm so scared for you and your family at Christmas

-

At least in this scene Dean n Cas are playing footsie under the table if nothing else.

-

With Michael holed up in a towerblock for Christmas I am so worried that I should have watched Die Hard before getting here.

-

D'aw Dean teams himself up with Cas without even hesitating.

-

Holy shit they used a season 1 clip of the Impala driving past a field of cows.

"Hi we shot this for 1x06 it's practically an easter egg now"

-

God, it's the promo scene and we're 16 minutes in.

Not over Cas being like "you're happy" because he can't be happy but he's seeing Dean being, you know, cheerful. It's worrying because it's so close to endgame... if they kill Michael, Dean can be happy. And if Dean can be happy...

bye bye Cas

-

It's so easy with Dean looking away for Cas's silence to be "lol never" instead of "I ought to tell you the string that is attached"

-

*quietly climbs into the garbage pile as I think about how neither can be happy while the other is as a literal plot mechanism*

-

Them leaving the door open seems so significant I thought we were going to see Bad!Kaia comically hiding behind it

-

Awwwwww Jack wants to break into his first building with lock picks!!

I can't believe they're doing this in broad daylight.

I can't believe there was a Gish item to go to a post office after hours dressed as Santa's elves and that's what Jack is doing with that coat

-

"Who taught you to pick a lock?" "I did. And the internet"

Sam's "that's my boy" face.

-

"I wanted to stay useful"

that was your cue to tell Jack he's useful regardless

On the other hand he got the door opened and smiled up at Sam so I guess he gets the validation that way instead.

-

"HAPPY Holidays" Jack is SO PLEASED the box is saying something nice.

-

BOOM you have witnessed, once again, Sam being knocked out.

Wow, no. His skull is getting thicker, he manages to cling on long enough to watch his boy being abducted.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, SAM.

-

Awww Michael came to oversee it. HAPPY HOLIDAYS, Michael!

-

Sam is way too concussed to deal with this. Or drive.

-

Michael has a really similar coat to what he had in the AU but for a fancy rich lady instead of a badass hot cowboy which really begs the question of why he dressed SO SO OTT for Dean, even given his fashionista tastes for the other 2 vessels we've seen.

-

I am sad we don't have the other Michael vessel just because he's off making out with Constantine on Legends of Tomorrow (meta textuality of THAT to be unpacked by fandom at length :P), but she's an absolutely uncanny female double for him with the coat and the ominous camera angles and her general scary vibe.

-

"You're going to kill me anyway" *MOOSE CHARGE*

I stan one concussed boy

-

Blorp

No fancy weapons for you guys, use your heads.

Not Sam's head, he's just taken his 3rd hit in a minute.

-

Garth gets caught snitching though I suspect Michael knew he was listening in and sent Dean to get attacked by Bad!Kaia anyways.

There's chess being played here.

-

Er, and you're the pawns.

I think Dean is the other player and everyone ELSE is a pawn in Michael's reckoning.

-

"WHY ARE YOU HERE? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Kaia, they just shouted like 20 minutes of the plot so far at each other, you know as much as we do at this point.

-

I love Kaia's fighting stance but oh my GOD Dean walking up to the spear and having it put against his heart. He knows it's a power move but it's also a gentle one, and he's waved enough guns in her face and our Kaia's face... This is one of those moves you use both on frightened animals and also to show you are a good unarmed nice guy and it's an attempt to re-negotiate after all he's done to Kaias over time >.>

-

"if you're not going to give it to me, kill me" Dean says, at the end of his big emotional appeal to Family And Saving People as his divine guiding forces in the universe by which he sets his moral compass and acts as the best version of himself in the defence of.

Cas behind him like "I hope this works because I love this dumbass and if you ACTUALLY kill him I'm contractually obligated to murder you so like, pls don't escalate this"

-

"How do I know if you're telling the truth" well he's not so jot that down.

Cas like "can you please stop talking, Dean, I am not agreeing with any of your policies here" because not only did he drag Jack into it, he made a promise that Jack's completely unable to uphold since he, you know, doesn't have the power to get Kaia home any more.

Poor Bad!Kaia though. Spent her life running from monsters too. She and our Kaia have the same trama, but she's so hardened by it :(

-

"If you don't bring this back to me I will find you and kill you"

Yikes, magic weapons are having a bad run in these parts, I think Dean's pretty much a gonner :P

-

I love that the Wayward Sisters music plays around Kaia but it makes me so so so so sad

-

"So, what, is he playing us?" he's playing YOU Dean. Your move!

-

"Don't you go in there alone." "I know, drive fast"

Aka concussed bab is gonna go in there alone if you don't hurry.

-

I have literally no comprehension about the driving times involved in this episode because I don't know US geography like that, but it's Berens not Dabb but he's mentioned specific locations so he better have looked these all up on google maps because this is one heck of a fact checkable episode with 4 distinct known and named locations and you all driving to and fro.

-

I love Michael's new apartment. It has a dark Heaven aesthetic vibe which is perf.

Jack's here and he's immediately deposited under the halo lights.

I can not WAIT for a Jack vs Michael scene.

*chin hands*

-

"Why didn't you kill me?" *eyebrow raise*

Poor nougat is being made to feel useless again :( This is Michael grinding his heel into Jack while he has him on the floor, kneeling in supplication under those halo lights.

-

Michael is into villain monologuing. A terrible, terrible habit.

"Death from above," Michael says, the first time he's had halos over his head.

His concept of soul ownership intrigues me because he would get all the humans who died in an attack on this city in his original world. In this he's turning them into monsters but with his grace, so they belong to him. That means that somehow or other he's probably overriding not just their nature to be controllable by him, which overrides in turn Eve's control over all monsters. She totes isn't dead BTW she's just in Purgatory. I'm like 100% sure of it :P Anyway I do wonder if Michael's control over the monsters extends so far as accidentally granting them passage to Heaven by claiming them and overriding Eve's control. Who knows. The thought wandered by and really tickled me.

Because it's a long game with the real value in people for beings of this level just being in their value as collectibles after death, and season 5 was all about our Michael getting all the souls by killing all the humans and storing them away in Heaven and that was his Paradise he was fighting for. And if he's converting entire cities to monsterhood in order to gain control over the territory in a quiet no mess way, then his control and command of them is passed on through the bite thanks to whatever he did to them. At the very least he's managed to make himself into their new Alpha.

I mean unless this is a phase one and he's sacrificing getting the souls of these lot in exchange for a lot more souls down the line.

-

LOL Michael pulls "I'm your only kin" and Jack's like, uh, REAL Michael is in the cage, POSER.

-

I love how Jack's got the such simplistic child language of "I hate you" which comes out so honestly and fiercely. Jack's 1 layer personality is reaaally deep even if it is mostly 1 layer. A very very thick slab of nougat. Full of goodness. It's EXCELLENT character writing to balance a character like this. He has a good understanding of the world by now, evidenced by very clearly being able to distinguish AU!Michael from his living kin of our Michael in the cage, and yet at the same time his emotional range is still 100% whatever he feels about a thing and so for Michael it's hate. Because when kids get upset they can yell "I hate you I hate you!" in a tantrum, and Jack's personality is that but moderated and adult and reasonable, and that... What a good approach to writing a character. Om nom nom.

-

This vessel is definitely way more expressive than the previous two Michaels, which is something I've noticed in a looot of the vessel gender swaps, which really makes me go sociological on why gesturing and fiddling and so on is so much a part of presence for a female character on screen, while male characters are allowed to stand still and just kind of radiate presence. I mean, she HAS presence, but she's been moving her hands a lot and it's the main detail which makes her not match up as neatly. Jensen threw his whole personality into not moving Michael's arms, to follow on from Christian's portrayal.

I think Raphael's second vessel was menacingly still. That actress did a great job. That slow head turn after they hurl an angel blade at her in 6x22... Nice.

Lisa Berry strikes a nice balance at huge presence and only necessary gestures, and Julian Richings was always fiddling with junk food as Death despite his cosmic presence.

Meg was all in the voice and eyebrows, both actresses.

-

Why am I musing on this? Because it's 7am and I'm having a wave of immense sleepiness and I think I need tea to keep on watching but it's cold so I'd rather stay bundled in blankets >.>

... I have now turned on the heating and got tea and done some stretches to try and ward off the cold-blooded lizard stupor I was sliding into. Brrr. We get Christmas break on episodes because it's so hard to watch in the cold.

-

"Our relation is more a matter of scale, power." Ooohohohooo but you just said you weren't killing Jack because he was powerless.

I mean I'm crowing at Michael for maybe revealing a flaw in his monologue to me but at the same time that's terrifying for what he plans for Jack because that presumably involves powering back up but under HIS control. Nephew theft.

-

I say smugly having posted Jack being kidnapped by Michael in Andrea's Diner for his power/money last week so that I can just ride this one out with a "in before this plotline" raised eyebrow.

I mean I was using a hybrid season 8/14 set up with Naomi still being Michael's flunky but the important thing is that he was trapped in an office in a towerblock which may or may not now be exactly this one since I have eyes on it and Michael was gonna do whatever it took to get Jack's share of the company until Cas marched in and saved the boy.

-

Yeah my diner AU has corporate drama, deal with it.

-

NOW we're getting to the epic speeches. The time that makes mountains. Epic. And Michael is like hey you and me are the only ones left... And as your power returns and grows, we'll only become more alike. Cut to Jack being HORRIFIED by the concept of becoming anything like his AUncle and losing his human compassion and turning into this evil being that cheerfully talks about how not only to level cities but to improve on the concept.

Finally, we hit the epic tragedy level of Jack's story he's been hiding from in other genres from disney to rom coms to cute twee Christmas movies and even a detour into 1800s consumptive child drama to avoid it. But Hamlet's procrastination has to be challenged occasionally, and so they're face to face and Michael is taunting Jack with how he might be cute as a nougaty 2 year old but oh dear the terrible 2s are nothing to the terrible 2 billionties.  

-

I think this room even has Heaven's furniture, as a riff on it. What's one world to another? One Heaven from another, as Michael says. Find a head office, treat it like a place of power and intimidation and it becomes one.

-

All Jack says is "Sam, Dean and Castiel. They'll come for me." Because he doesn't know much but in his 2 years he HAS learned who fights for him and considers him family, and who he will really set his morality by.

-

Of course if Cas ever allows himself to be happy, then ALL of Jack's family has an expiration date and no one can follow him through those eons to stop him straying.

-

Also: now eternity has a sense of horror to it. The reminder that immortality is awful and this is what it does to ancient eldritch beings. And as a result, that finite humanity may be better when it doesn't come at the cost of erosion of self.

To thine own self be true, to quote a terribly mis-used part of Hamlet and yeah yeah I studied it I know Polonius said that and it's meant to be a ridiculed line. But it's still emotionally relevant >.>

Jack's fierce sense of self and family is his only weapon here. Michael can't cast doubt on that. Maybe fear for the future, but in the immediate presence, Jack has a ROCK.

-

That red coat also makes him very distinctively the only real colour in the room.

Michael is wearing dark blue for the red vs blue coding, but it's dark enough to not stand out in the decor.

TFW are all wearing brown and tan.

-

I'm actually quite fond of this stupid jock werewolf.

Awkward silences with jingle bells in the background... why are they making werewolves inherently comical in Dabb era, I don't know. But I LOVE it.

-

RIP the sexy werewolf.

Dumb jock werewolf has already run off, which MAY be a reminder to panic about all the monsters in position, or he might get stopped on the way by TFW in a strategic position...

-

RIP other sexy werewolf.

Both, sadly, as hot as they were, die with amusing riffs of jingle bells to accompany their decapitations. No dignity in death for these fuckers.

-

Sam may or may not be doing a Red Meat by taking them on alone but he sure is in a better position with only a mild concussion leftover from the earlier attack rather than, you know, a barely-treated gut shot.

-

Man I hope Cas healed up the residual damage of that before the end of season 11.

-

Sam is indeed alone as he promised not to be while 100% intending to rush right in, which means that dumb jock werewolf did indeed run off into the city, which means that with 10 minutes left a whoops we let Kansas City turn into monsters cliffhanger might be a lark.

-

Merry Christmas everyone but Kansas City.

-

I mean Sam doesn't need to rush on the Jack rescue, Michael literally has eons of AUncle-nephew bonding planned.

-

The fact Alex has visible chicken pox scars on his forehead amuses me so much. While Jack fast-track grew in 12x23 he randomly inflicted the pox on himself as part of the childhood experience. Like, oh, I better get all my immunity from mom so when my 3 dads collectively fail to get me vaccinated at least I've got that. *boop* chicken pox scars appear.

-

S'gonna be Garth on the other side of that door

-

OH NO IT IS

-

Oh no Sam, it's a trap, he's gonna eat you. Oh no oh no you can't cut Garth's head off. He's a Beloved Sweetie Pie.

-

If this ends with watching Mr Fizzles get a hunter funeral I am sending Bobo a mountain of coal for Christmas.

-

Love that universal trope of the werewolf ducking away for an embarrassing uncontrolled transformation that looks somewhere between puking and period cramps. Moonsickness.

-

Michael is the moon controlling it in this case.

Cosmic bodies.

-

Don't touch him, Jack!!

-

Transformations with glowy eyes suck :<

-

This is just CRUEL to make Garth be like "I'm sorryyyyy" as he charges at Sam.

-

LOL THIS IS A CRYPT SCENE. He's in Garth's head!

"You don't have to do this!" "You can fight this, Garth!"

-

Me, staring at my mess of red string connecting crypt scenes: How did I get to Garth wolfing out while shouting apologies at Sam and Sam begging him to stop when this all started with Dean n Cas fighting over a lump of rock 6 seasons ago

-

Oh thank god they ended it with Sam vulcan neck pinching Garth to sleep after Jack took a rolling tackle at him and Garth ends up still controlled and shoved in the back of the car for later problems.

We'll file this under the failures section between bros and move on though I won't deny Berens had me in a cold sweat that I was going to have to throw years of work out because Sam would grab Mr Fizzles out of Garth's pocket and soothe him back to himself :P

-

Mr Fizzles x Garth as the Destiel parallel of the year

-

"Thanks for waiting for us," Dean says, angrily gesturing the alive and rescued Jack while uselessly holding the spear.

-

It's okay baby there's 7 minutes left and Cas still doesn't have fake blood all over him.

I think Mikey might come back around to gloat. He strikes me as the supervillain type to do that.

-

They figure out the last few chess moves that Michael made while sitting on the trunk that Garth is locked in. Rough.

In the background, Cas strides over to the brooding Jack.

Boop.

-

"I wouldn't bet against us."

In Which Dean Nearly Decapitates His Brother

-

Rousing family speech about no odds or element of surprise or fear from Michael, and they go dramatically walking off towards the elevator with blaring Christmas music.

I hate this

-

Everyone has a weapon except Jack, who just has a series of incomprehensible troubled looks every time anything happens.

The Boy Is Concerned. But is it about what's going on around him, or inner turmoil disrupting his nougaty centre?

He looks placid again during the dramatic walk, while everyone else has their hero faces, he's surrounded by his dads so he can just be like :3 and enjoy the adventure.

-

Michael is bored and pacing because they took too long having broments downstairs and walking slowly towards the elevator and he wants to do this great dramatic turn when they arrive but the elevator is craaaaaaawling up the building.

Fine, what if I'm not by the window but sitting down with my back to them.

Is Michael NERVOUS?

Big talk about being a zillion years old and then getting impatient.

-

What did Michael just see? Because he lit up his eyes and got a lot more confident...

"There... he... is" he smirks.

Me when Cas

-

Cas doesn't usually nearly get a killing blow on me, though. Nice move, bud.

-

HEY, RUDE. DOn'T HURT HIM

-

I know he just tried to stab you but I'm allowed to yell that. Also stabbing archangels doesn't tend to work on them but whatever :P

-

Come on Dean, GET HIM. He hurt the bae! And Sam and Jack now! But nowhere near as dramatically!

-

Ironically if Michael had just had any patience he wouldn't have fallen for being baited into coming to see Cas snooping around his front desk.

-

OH NOICE THIS IS THE SAME FIGHT WITH MICHAEL AND DARK KAIA BUT DEAN AND MICHAEL

-

Ow, Dean not doing so well after all.

-

Is that Sam or Jack inching a hand towards the spear. If Sam stabs Michael then it's a thanks in return for stabbing Lucifer. If Jack does... Badass, kid needs a big kill.

On the other hand, we're so near cliffhanger time territory that.. well.

-

Nope, Sam just did the slide a weapon back to Dean thing and Dean got in a hit on Michael in their duel.

-

Same arm he got stabbed on.

-

"trust me, that's gonna leave a scar"

Jack I hope you are paying attention to Dad no.3's use of one-liners because he is a master.

When he isn't, like, "you're the shortbus, shortbus."

-

UHOH Michael is standing with aaaaaall the haloes reflected behind him in the window and Dean is having Suspicious Killing Hesitation

aaaand there's the whooshy vision wow what a surprise

-

I KNEW IT WAS COMING AS SOON AS MICHAEL'S SHOULDERS WENT ALL CONFIDENT AND HE STARTED STARING AND I'M STILL UPSET.

I mean I knew it was coming as soon as Dean stumbled in like ??? I'm not Michael???

But in the short term, argh.

-

WHAT IS THIS BAR

-

It has a moose head, Jo's shooting game from the Roadhouse, and the old jukebox from 4x01's diner where Sam and Ruby hung out.

-

Aside from anything else this is a horrible ploy by Michael to get the spear.

-

WHEN DID MICHAEL BARTEND.

I am so intrigued.

-

But yeah, checkmate, Dean Winchester. Snapped your magic spear and melted to magic egg. What next?

-

Oh good and now he has the halos behind his head :< :< :< :<

Wanek I am so angry. You get coal too.

-

LOL Michael giving them a lesson on maaaaaaaybe asking important questions about things instead of just leaving them as soon as a character appears to be functioning on the surface, I type with this paused with Jack in the corner of my screen as a fortuitous example

-

Michael gloating about breaking Dean is the worst Christmas cliffhanger.  I hate you Bobo.

-

You aren't seriously going to end the season on a snap and make us make Michael is Thanos jokes all hiatus? I mean he already fucked up one planet, decimating it in the name of a better world. Please. Don't do this, Bobo.

-

He did it.

-

Reminds me of the end of 3x10 as well, with demon!Dean lurking under Dean, waiting until before the credits to snap his fingers from within Dean's subconscious to remind us he was lurking and waiting.

-

Aw man this sucks.

Now Jack has to murder Dean after all.