#And a third Like you can do whatever you want It's not really a huge deal. But it is probably personally beneficial to think more abt

[shift-shaping]

post-halamshiral and everyone is so annoying

solas: despite my countless lines indicating the contrary, i actually think modern elves are dumb and i don't count myself among them. also you should stroke my ego for this, vhenan. <3

morrigan: i know more about your people than you, because the dalish are dumb and limit themselves to what they can learn about the ancient elves. you have no option to refute me on this.

sera: i think briala is fucking stupid and is literally no different from any of the other options for orlais. you can either be extremely mean to me about this or offer effectively no counterargument.

like man this sucks i wish merrill was here

[ranvwoop]

I've seen a few things primarily citing alloros people as the reason for like. romantic / sibling dichotomy but i am going to be honest. being aro does not absolve you of benefitting from thinking more critically about your own amatonormativity and prioritization of the nuclear family

[ms-demeanor]

Hello,Do you have any tips for recovering from internet brain rot? It's like my patience has dried up and if there's a huge amount of text (even about topics I'm very interested in) that I have to read, I get annoyed and just don't interact with the material at all.

I have multiple tips!

TL;DR (Because of course I generated a wall of text): Take a break from the internet, create a schedule for getting yourself used to reading longer texts, take breaks while reading, and perhaps reconsider how you interact with The Internet and the world in general.

Here are the basic "to reduce the brain rot just don't interact" tips:

Take a break. Give yourself time off from The Internet (for these purposes The Internet is the social media industrial complex; clickbait news, recommended videos, social media sites, etc. You don't have to totally check out of email or your local news site, just get away from the huge time sucks). I'd say to take at least one day a week where you're online for less than an hour a day, and to maybe work up to doing a week-long break from whatever the main agents of rot are.

Once you've identified the main agents of rot, give yourself a time limit or set up rules for yourself. I don't let myself look at social media in bed, for instance; no staying up late on my phone, no scrolling before I get up and start my day. I don't give myself a strict time limit anymore, but for a while there I was very firm about "you only get to go online 4 hours a day" with myself.

Don't comment (or at least only share the things you really want to share). If you feel the need to argue, or if you feel pressured into sharing something, don't. Step back, maybe even open the post in a new tab or send it to yourself, and come back later. If you've been thinking about it and have decided it IS something you care enough to talk about, share it. If you look at the tab and feel stressed out or still feel reactive, close the tab and walk away.

Go out and interact with the real world in a non-work capacity for a few hours a week; take walks or go shopping or go out and take pictures of insects. Touch grass so that The Internet is not the only thing you're doing with your downtime.

Here are the "work on reading longer texts specifically" tips:

Set a reading goal for yourself. Maybe you want to read one New Yorker article a week, maybe you want to read all the way through news articles, maybe you want to read novels like you used to in high school. Figure out what your actual goal is and articulate that goal to yourself.

Set up a practice schedule and gradually increase the amount of time you're reading. Don't go from short tumblr posts to a novella, go from short tumblr posts to slightly longer news articles, then to slightly longer essays, then to a novella. You can do this in literal paragraphs if you want to - maybe your goal for your first day is to read five paragraphs in a row, and the second day is seven, and the third day is ten, etc, until you are comfortably reading for longer amounts of time without counting paragraphs. (Try this with books from gutenberg.org; read a classic you haven't read a few paragraphs at a time and if you find yourself going over your paragraph count, let yourself run with it. If you finish a book, good for you, find another one and start again.)

Set up a maintenance schedule. If your goal is to read longer news pieces, try to read a longer piece every week and try to read to the end of every news article you open. If your goal is to read novels or longer nonfiction, try to read a book a month (maybe setting aside dedicated time each week to read, maybe Thursday evenings are book time now). If you find yourself falling back into old habits, take a break from The Internet and do some more rigorous practice for a while.

If you find yourself getting frustrated while you are reading you can also take a break! Read until you get frustrated and then *instead of switching to a different page or closing the article* close your eyes or look out the window or away from the screen for thirty seconds (count 'em! count out the time in your head) and then continue reading. You can also take a longer pause and sit and think about why you're getting frustrated. Is it the subject matter? Is it just looking at this text for longer than a couple minutes (if you are experiencing FOMO because you're reading for another few minutes instead of scrolling, the harder tips at the bottom are going to be important to you)? Are you comfortable? Are you reading this text to procrastinate from something and the procrastination is making you nervous? Are you trying to read to the bottom of your dash and reading a long post is taking up more time than you want while scrolling? Are you bored? Genuinely and very seriously: are your eyes straining and does your head hurt (if this is the case when is the last time you had your eyes checked or your glasses prescription updated)?

Here are the much harder "examine yourself and reassess your reactions to things" tips:

Work on re-training your attention span.

Identify something that you enjoy and find deeply engaging, and schedule some dedicated time for that thing. Set a literal timer (it can be a short amount of time at first) and sit down and do the thing without switching to a different website or opening up an app on your phone. This can be re-reading or watching a couple episodes of a show you like or listening to your favorite album while you sit down and draw. What's important is to spend a longer time focusing on doing something you DO like before attempting to spend a longer time focusing on something you DON'T like.

When you're starting on things you DON'T like, start with things you mildly don't like, or that feel tedious but aren't actually unpleasant. One way I do this is by transcribing poetry; I look up poems that I connect to and I transcribe them into a notebook that I have for that purpose. I enjoy having the finished product, but I don't enjoy the process, so it takes some effort to stick with it. Maybe there is a boring book you have been trying to get through, maybe you need to detail your car, maybe you've been trying to take up embroidery - these are good things to make yourself pay attention to (having music or a podcast on can help, but avoid watching videos or opening social apps)

When you're okay at that kind of thing (doing something not actively unpleasant) work on your attention span for things you ACTIVELY don't like. I don't think you should be a masochist about this, but you should work on being okay with doing unpleasant things for a sustained period of time. All of us have to do unpleasant stuff sometimes, and it's better to be able to pay attention to it for an hour at a time than it is to put it off forever.

This leads into the next Big Tip which is:

Work on being less reactive

Find something that you dislike; I'm going to use conservative talk radio as my example.

Expose yourself to the disliked thing for short periods of time (under ten minutes, maybe under five minutes).

Work on moderating your emotions during the time spent exposed to the disliked thing. If it makes you angry, work on intellectualizing the anger without becoming agitated by it. If it makes you sad, work on accepting that sadness without letting it drag down your mood. This isn't precisely about becoming numb to stimuli, but it is about being more in control of how your emotional reactions impact you.

Analyze the disliked thing. Why does it make you angry? Is that on purpose by the creator of the thing? Would it make someone else angry in the same way? How would you explain the anger to a neutral third party?

Consider responding instead of reacting. Let's say you're seeing a lot of very sad and upsetting things online and it's making you sad and upsetting you. You re-share these things because you don't feel like there's anything else you can do or you get angry when you see people sharing incorrect information, perhaps you argue with people about this. Now try looking at the upsetting things through the lens of point number four. This has upset you; how has it upset you? And once you've thought about how it upset you and have articulated that to yourself, find out what you can DO. I cannot make conservative talk radio go off the air, but I can support the groups harmed by conservative talk radio; thus there is no point in me getting upset and angry about conservative talk radio when I could be helping the people they target instead.

And that gets us to the last big tip which is:

Ask yourself if you are spending your time in a way that is enjoyable and edifying.

We all have limited time in our days and limited time in our lives. If you are finding yourself frequently frustrated online, it's a good time to consider whether you want to be spending so much time online.

If you feel like The Internet has become a rat race in which you can't read more than a few paragraphs without getting frustrated, there's a good chance that not only are you spending too much time on The Internet, but you're also spending it on doing things that you don't particularly like.

A realization like yours, Anon, that you are getting frustrated with any longer texts, can actually be really helpful because it provides a good opportunity to look at what you're engaging with and consider the questions:

Is this something I enjoy?

Do I feel good when I do this thing?

And that's a great way to figure out how to get rid of things that are leading to your background frustration. Maybe that looks like paring down the list of blogs you follow, maybe that looks like unsubscribing from some youtubers and podcasts, maybe that looks like uninstalling apps, maybe that looks like blocking a whole bunch of people and terms on your socials.

I don't think that everything we do has to help us grow as a person or expand our consciousness or anything like that, but I do think it's important to prioritize doing things that you like and doing things that you feel good about.

Like, I'm not doing something *wrong* if I spend an afternoon on Youtube watching drama channels every once in a while, but if I come out of a few afternoons of watching youtube drama channels feeling restless and anxious and like I wasted my time - even if I enjoyed myself while I was watching - it's probably a good idea for me to take a break from drama channels and see if there's something I can do instead that will make me feel better.

ALSO, A NOTE:

You are an animal that requires significant enrichment in your enclosure.

Think about tigers. Tigers in captivity are going to be excited to get high-value treats for any reason. They will eat and enjoy the treats. But if a tiger in captivity is only given the treats and never given any other form of activity to engage with, it is not going to be a happy tiger. If you start putting their treats in a pumpkin or a puzzle feeder or giving them toys to play with, that is going to be a much happier tiger.

Please give your brain things to play with that are more than just treats (though it does need some treats!). Make yourself a happy tiger. Your brain need a puzzle feeder, not a treat button.

[so-much-for-the-seashells]

Mornings with BF!Dean Winchester Headcanons

✨ Dean Winchester x GN!Reader ✨

*sighs in still doesn’t know what “skibidi” means* Minors do ¡NOT! interact with this post. Thanks.

A/N: hope these are still fun to read! Icons are by me! All interaction-especially commentary- are super appreciated!! Enjoy!

Content Warnings: it gets a little steamy in here- very much 18+, one use of French (yes that’s warning), Dean being Dean

( ˘ ³˘)♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

-so first off, dean like pretty much doesn’t sleep

-like he’ll get six hours and feel like he overslept

-so he’ll either fall asleep with you and wake up far to early, or stay up so he can wake up at a normal time

-although sometimes his sleep deprivation catches up with him and he’ll sleep for like 10 hours and he’ll let you baby him and just be a sleepy little (big) guy for a couple days

-but thats a little rarer. He doesn’t mind laying around though, he’d watch paint dry so long as it was next to you

-now, boo bear gets morning wood. A lot. He’ll never wake you up over it- he wants you to get the sleep you need- but it’s a very common occurrence.

-even if you are awake at similar times, he never expects you to take care of it and is usually already half to the bathroom

-but that simply won’t do, and you’ll grab his arm and tell him you wanna take care of it, and who is he to say no??

-and so he’ll gently tease the blankets off of you and climb over you, those huge arms on either side of your head

-if you’re wearing clothes he’ll be kissing sweetly everywhere he exposes new skin

-and then he’ll just gently thrust into you, far enough that you’re full and then a little bit more, teasing your sweetest spot

-usually sex with him is rough (but good, too good), but instead of vying for or denying orgasms, in the mornings he just slowly coaxes one out of you

-he likes to see you babble, taking you apart until you’re a gooey precious mess

-his low voice morphs into a molasses-sweet drawl, praise dripping from those plush pink lips. He’ll kiss you everywhere, smiling down at you and wondering how and why he got so lucky

-and eventually he’ll get a release out of you and one for him, making his second favorite type of pie

-and he’ll roll over, snuggling you close, kissing you on the forehead

-and it’s all just so soft

-eventually you’ll both get up and shower, and sometimes he’ll coax a second (and maybe third) petit mort out of you :)

-he’s super clingy in the mornings so if it’s a slow morning where you two can share a shower he’s going to insist on washing your hair and massaging your tenseness away, and you’ll do the same because how could you not take opportunity to touch those freckled shoulders???

-you really only get out once the water gets cold or if Sam starts banging on the door

-the mornings where you also get time for breakfast are a real treat, cause in addition to being a sex god Dean is a god in the kitchen

-he’ll make you literally whatever you want, and his breakfast specialty is cinnamon rolls. Not the kind from the can (though those are still perfect) but literally from scratch, icing and all

-if you cook with him, he’s all over you. Pressed up against your ass as you chop whatever needs chopped, holding you close and pressing playful kisses everywhere. He’ll guide your hands sometimes, just so he can hold them. He loves to dance with you in the kitchen as well.

-he takes so much pride in your validation of his cooking so always tell him that he did a good job

-I mean seriously. Every “that’s so yummy!!” gets you the biggest, most radiant, sweetest smile from him.

-we’re talking eyes sparkling like a Disney princess

-he’s a bit of a slut for praise (in many aspects of his life, he can’t help it, the little sweet pea)

-and uh, if your expressions of enjoyment come across in any sexual way (ie moaning because of how good it is) there’s a good chance that he’ll takeopportunity to eat you out. Keep that in mind.

-but usually mornings that can be at home are just soft, snuggly, comfortable occurrences

-and then after you eat you’ll sit and snuggle on the couch with one of his many blankets, watch a show or something because for once you don’t have any where to be

-he’ll either hold you close or just straight up put you on his lap, not wanting to waste a second

-and on those mornings, neither of you would have it any other way

That’s it for now! Feel free to use my ask box if you have ideas for headcanons or one shots!

Xx

[envy-of-the-apple]

yan gojo falling for the mom of his friend while the milf thinks he’s in love with her daughter 😋😋😋

STOPPP THATS SO MESSSY I LOVE ITTTT

your daughter was always on the quiet side. smart. extremely smart. but didnt really have that many friends. and you were really worried when she went off to college.

in her fourth year, however, she comes back home with a huge grin on her face. shes so giggly and when you prod her for it she shyly gives out that she's met a boy and theyre doing a project together.

youre so excited for her and when she asks if he can come over to work on the project, you eagerly agree.

You greet Gojo Satoru as warmly as you can. You tell him your house is his, he can stay as long as he wants, does he want snacks? you're just so so excited for your daughter! youd do anything to make a good first impression.

unfortunately, it was too good of a first impression.

gojo never really had a mom, or any parental figure growing up. He was given whatever he wanted. when he got to college, he was just your regular spoiled rich kid.

when hes paired up with the quiet girl, its clear she has a crush on him. he plans on using that so he won't have work on the project.

but when he meets you, his world gets turned upside down. hes never had someone treat him so warmly. ask him if he'd like anything to eat. the first time at your house is the first time he's eaten homemade food that is made with care instead of the cold cullinary discipline he's used to eating.

it doesn't help that your sultry soft voice is so sweet in his ear and your body makes mini gojo wanna expand your domain. It doesn't help that there's clearly no hubby in the picture.

Gojo wants you, but for the first time in his life, he can't just have what he wants.

He knows it's wrong to pine after you. It's so complicated and fucked up.

He starts dating your daughter, mostly to try to get over you. You two are pretty similiar. But her lips remind him of yours. And then hes thinking of you again.

he cant help it. one day, he gets drunk, drives to your place and confesses his love.

Appalled, you reject him, obviously. Heartbroken, he breaks up with your daughter. They were just days away from graduating anyway. She has a job lined up across the country. They never have to see eachother again.

and now, you have no excuses (his logic; not the milfs)

he saunters into your place like he owns it. You tell him to leave. He tells you that he'll tell everyone that a 40-something woman came onto him. That shuts you up.

He thinks that after having you for just one night will be enough. It isn't. after your third night together he tells you he'd make a great step dad.

[pretty-little-mind33]

Dave Lizewski x fem!reader

Summary: Being partners with Kick-Ass is far more intimidating when you have a huge crush on him, especially when he won't stop talking about his crush.

Prompt: hurt and comfort - "I'm so sick of pretending like everything is okay."

here you go, my darling @lavieenvalentina! ily! seeing you in my notifs always makes me so happy!

DAVE LIZEWSKI MASTERLIST

BLURB MASTERLIST

The night is humid and hot and nothing seems to be going your way. 

First, your costume had shrunk in the laundry making the middle feel three sizes too small. Second, it had been drizzling outside and now your hair is frizzy, and third—your partner, Kick-Ass, has been going on and on about this girl Katie from his high school. 

You know Katie. You've deduced you go to the same school. She's all sugary sweet on the outside, but she's been casually teasing you since middle school, which is something you can't exactly tell him considering your identity must remain a secret. 

It doesn't help that you don't know who Kick-Ass is either. Hell, he could be one of the stupid popular jocks for all you know and then you'd so feel silly.

"And her hair is so silky and smooth, I wonder how she—" Kick-Ass continues as you walk, grinning like an idiot. You don't know how much longer you can take this agony, but you try and listen to him anyway.

"You okay?" he asks after more rambling because he can now sense you aren't listening. 

You pause, stopping at a crossroads and then you turn to him. "I should go home, there isn't any crime happening," you say, needing some time alone and away from him. 

"Did I say something wrong?" he asks, his voice low and hoarse. It's the tone that makes your cheeks feel warm and your heart flutters uncontrollably. Behind his mask, his bright blue eyes shine and he's looking at you like some poor puppy who can't understand why his owner won't give him a bone. 

"Don't look at me like that," you say, taking his arm and pulling him into a small alley. 

"Like what?" he sounds genuinely confused as he leans against the brick wall. 

"Like a damn wounded puppy!" you exclaim, throwing up your arms in exasperation, "As if I've kicked you or something stupid. Why do you always have to act like the one who's hurt when all you do is hurt me?!"

The words tumble from your lips.

"I hurt you?" he whispers, his concerned expression obvious even with almost his entire face covered. "How? I thought we were friends. You're the best damn friend I've ever had."

"You don't know me," you interrupt him and fiddle with the latex of your glove, "not really." 

"Well, I could know you," Kick-Ass says, sounding very determined. "You're the one who doesn't want to know me. I've told you a thousand times you can trust me. I've even told you my name."

Your eyes widen at this revelation. "What? When?"

"The first week we met, you never told me yours but whatever," he shakes his head and then outstretches his hand, "Here, I don't mind. I trust you. My name is Dave," he says casually.

You suddenly click all the pieces in your head and your smile drops.

"Dave Lizewski?" you whisper, suddenly recognizing his voice. Of course, how could you not have recognized him? You sit next to Dave in Pre-Calculus every single day. Dave hangs around with Katie all the time. You look him up and down.

His eyebrows crease. "How did you know that?" he asks suspiciously.

You think, screw this, and untie your mask from behind your head, letting it drop into your hands. You look up, almost afraid of his reaction.

Dave's eyes widen and he stutters out your name, the syllables stuck in his throat as he processes that it's you.

He didn't consider you a friend at school, but you always helped him in Pre-Calculus when you could so he liked you. Plus, you're gorgeous and he can't deny that before Katie Deauxma, he'd thought of you in inappropriate ways—sometimes he still does.

His cheeks burn bright red. 

"It's you," is all he can muster.

You shrug and look away from him. "This is so stupid," you say and then turn to him again, "We're so stupid for not knowing. I mean, we talk all the time."

Dave pulls off his mask. Luckily no one is walking around this dinghy alley to see you both. Your breath catches in your throat at seeing Dave, his hair messy and stuck to his skin, his glasses abandoned and dressed in his Kick-Ass suit. 

You start to laugh. You aren't laughing at him but at this absurd situation. 

Dave doesn't take it like that and he scrunches up his nose. "Are you laughing at me?"

You shake your head and look at him seriously. "No, I'm laughing because if I had known waking up today that the boy I have a crush on was none other than Dave Lizewski from Pre-Calculus—I think I would have pinched myself."

Your words sink and Dave's eyes widen until he looks almost scared. "What?"

"You know Katie thinks you're gay. That's the only reason she's your friend," you interrupt. You feel the need to tell him, like jealousy and pure venom is slipping from your mouth. Is it mean? A little, but you think it's time someone should burst his bubble.

Dave frowns, your previous statement slipping his mind momentarily. "I know that," he tells you, defensive. 

"Then why on earth do you have to go on and on about her all the time?"

"Sorry, I didn't realize I was inconveniencing you, Y/n," he snaps without hesitation, crossing his arms.

"Well, you are," you snap back, glaring at him and looking at him like this, knowing who he is, makes this a thousand times harder.

If Kick-Ass did turn out to be a stupid, meat-head, jock then this would be so much easier. Only he isn't. He's Dave Lizewski  and Dave is sweet and he's funny and he's brave and—

"I'm so sick of pretending like everything is okay," you blurt out and bury your face in your hands. 

Dave is quiet for a moment until he walks closer and pulls your hands down so he can look at you. "Okay, listen, can we please rewind for a second?" he asks, "y-you said you have a crush on me."

You shake your head and warmth spreads across your cheeks. 

"You did," Dave insists. 

"Doesn't matter, it's stupid."

"It does matter," he says and his hands cup your cheeks, hair falling and tickling his wrists as his mask hangs from his hand. "It matters because you're lovely and kind and I really like you." 

"Not the way I like you," you counter, "you like Katie Deauxma." 

Dave winces and he can't argue. His feelings don't just magically disappear, although he can admit that for some reason—after seeing you in this light—something inside him shifted. Something he can't explain right now.

"Y/n, you don't know me either," he tells you honestly, "you may know Kick-Ass a little, and you may like him, but you don't like Dave."

Not yet, you want to finish but you don't. You keep your mouth shut. He has a point.

"Just don't talk about her anymore, will you?"

Dave smiles a little, nodding his head. "Okay. Promise," he looks into your eyes, his gaze flickering to your lips. 

He has a really strong feeling he won't need to talk about Katie anymore. 

tags: @earth-elemental18

[patchiko]

Arkham Knight Relationship HCS !! <3

( light nsfw, mostly SFW tho!! )

literally my wife ( i made this pic idc abt creds i just wanna talk abt it)

SFW !! <3

dying on this hill when i say basically any red hood would be soo yummy with a civilian or just someone who is extremely balanced.

im a red hood needs more fucking normalcy in his life TRUTHER.

relationship starts off slow, romantic and platonic, you need to be patient with him long enough for him to get over his mental dilemmas to feel ANY-TYPE of way towards you.

more then like 6 months lets be real yall

his way of bonding is quality time. ill die on this hill, especially at the start of the relationship. Nothing huge maybe just spending a couple extra minutes around you before leaving.

next is probably gift giving, esp with early relations, probably just gonna order you food or put fifty bucks on your countertop. you dont even notice until you realize you find a fifty around the last place he was standing. expect deliveries from R.H whenever he feels bad for something.

doesn't like being around for too long, feels like he's messing up something. ruining your day by keeping you up late (he was there for fifteen minutes), ruining your mood, (there was an awkward silence for like 30 seconds.)

not a overly conscious thought process though, he feels physically he isn’t supposed to be there. for whatever subconscious thing he picked up on, a awkward silence, or hes been there 15 minutes too long or something

well sometimes he'll mentally beat himself up.

he spirals a lot, needs someone to pull him out of that.

i think when he needs to be grounded, its not just comfort its making him feel alive in the present moment. he's never gonna truly forget about his traumas but maybe for just an hour or two; running around an arcade, walking around the city. just making him feel normal, yeah you BAGGED his ass quick.

he needs someone patient, really patient, someone whos very attentive and empathetic. (but not a complete push- over def needs someone to set him in line still)

i think if you move to quickly, he'll get super snappy and ghosting you,, ong put ur hands on him too early and he's left hooking you.

yeah you're waking up and the first thing your hearing is "Its been 12 years..."

second thing you hear is "you've been in a coma for.. 12 years."

third thing you're hearing is, " we think a bus hit you...”

obviously not touchy, even when he is settling down. hes just not sure how to .. or where to .. or why he wants too.

please his mental gymnastics get so crazy, just sit down with him and put on some silly ass movie so he stops

when he’s settled he cant pry himself off you though.

a lot of his expressions can definitely be told by his body language, naturally hes tense but theres certain habits he has when he's maybe thinking too much, or fustrated/irritated.

but he does all of the same for you, comfort, love, as much as he can he tries

Very attentive, has a mental list of 'shit you do when somethings wrong' or 'shit you like.'

doesn't consciously make any of these mental list, he just knows.

"didnt they say they liked this?" He pauses "shit ill just leave it at their window."

so he's like canonically smart as shit.

you have too much work from your boss or professor? hand it over its done in less then two hours.

literally buys you groceries and pays your bills (fucking lover boy.)

arkham knight finally figuring out how to ask for a hug (hes been dead silent for 5 minutes) (link) <— insta reel

HES A CHEM/HISTORY NERD FOR SURE

NSFW !! <3

probably- A FUCKING VIRGIN !! HES A NERD !! GETS AWKARD AS SHIT. WITH RAGING COMMITMENT AND TRUST ISSUES !! (will still die4you tho)

AGAIN, not in a "my soft squishe potato always been scared of sex" way but in a ‘oh my god hes so unsocialized’ way.

yall ever see a big ass dog just..standing.. literally him (hes dissociating)

genuinely dont believe that when he was arkham/training to be, he was sexually or romantically involved with anyone. the last thing that was on his mind was actually pursuing a sexual or romantic relationship.

along with his trauma, he just wasn’t comfortable with any of that.

ghosted so many people..

couldn’t flirt for more then five minutes, just stopped feeling it or got uncomfortable .

I AM ANTI ARKHAM KNIGHT BEING A SEX GOD

not that he’s horribly awkward, but he’s noticeably a bit more quiet for first times.

ofc this man has watched porn n’ shit but hes smart enough to know thats not what its really like.

he’ll still figure it, what makes you tic, what you love, what makes you most comfortable.

kinda shitty at dirty talk, just makes him buffer.

he gets better at it tho, too damn good

gets so snarky and confident about it too uuhgrr

late relationships hes smirking and chatting your ears off cause you know hes gettin you turnt.

he has a love-hate relationship with his scars. 95% they remind him of his past, but 5% hes alright with them because they’ve shown what hes been through.

deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down, he knows hes fine as fuck. TRUST YALL.

again, super observant and attentive. really pays attention to what you enjoy.

I genuinely don’t believe hes into super hardcore/painful kinks or anything.

Sex for him is definitely a way of showing his trust and intimacy with someone!! Let him show you how much he loves you and how much he wants to make you feel good! Do the same to him !!

mmm tell him how good hes doing and hes a absolute mess!!

praise him! PRAISE HIM *im yelling from the hospital bed im strapped down on*

wouldn’t let you ride for awhile, but once he’s comfortable with it ,, he’s actually obsessed.

cant see him bottoming , just wouldn’t be comfortable with it

my brain is getting messy so im stopping here! feedback and comments would be cool if you wanna drop some!

[brucewaynehater101]

It really gets me so mad that in Batman: The Animated series when all Joker Junior happens they let Tim go. Just like that. WTF???

That's your boy Bruce, the one you drive in your limo, the one that gets an allowance, the one that impersonates you so good because he's your son. And the minute he goes through the worst experience of his life you just let him go.

Like, I get my boy Tim, him been there just reminds him of his trauma, and if being away helps him, then go away, no one's gonna judge you.

BUT 40 YEARS OF SILENCE

Like. Man. Wtf.

And I get the series has other problems (Bruce and Babs together- yuck )

But Tim, hurt Tim forced to go through it alone.

It hurts me so much, it haunts me.

Fuck. I need to watch that series. I was a wee bit scared cause I thought, at first, that Tim got stuck as Joker. I couldn't handle that, tbh. I heard he doesn't, though, so I'm down to try.

However, that's so fucking tragic. Just Tim handling that trauma alone when Bruce is aware of it. I've seen some cool AUs where Bruce and the others aren't aware, but somehow it's worse where Bruce just ignored Tim (or that it happened to him).

40 is fucking bonkers though.

I kind of want an AU where Tim reaches the 10 year anniversary of the JJ incident. The only person who knows is Bruce (maybe Alfred if you want to make him guilty/bad). The age Tim is can vary (from like 19-24), but it'd be hella cool to see the fallout of everyone else learning that Bruce has been a dick to Tim for that. This would be cool if Tim was RR at this point.

Counter AU:

JJ happens when Tim is Robin, and Bruce fires Tim "for his own safety" or whatever. No one else, not even Barbara, knows about this incident. All they know is that there *was* a third Robin, but now there's not.

Other people rein Bruce in until Damian comes along. Maybe Cass helps or something (for plot purposes, Steph isn't Robin. She does get vigilante-adopted by Oracle, though, and joins the Birds of Prey).

Either way, Tim is no longer Robin and basically ignored by Bruce due to Bruce's guilt/fear (not an excuse. Bruce is a huge colossal asshole for that. This is just his reasoning).

The only people who know who the third Robin was are Bruce, Babs, Dick, Alfred, Leslie, Jason, and Talia (technically Ra's too). No one but Jason and Talia know that Jason knows who the third Robin was.

Bruce, once again, is the only one who knows about JJ and why Tim stopped being Robin (maybe Alfred too, but fun drama if Alfred finds out what Bruce did to Tim).

Anyways, Jason never attacks Tim because Tim wasn't Robin by that point. Damian doesn't either. They don't have favorable opinions of Tim, but he's not really important to them in the grand scheme of things.

Dick and Babs initially kept in contact with Tim, but they slowly stopped checking up with him due to the shitshow of their lives (like Jason coming back).

Tim moves out of Gotham for a few years. He was never adopted at this point and keeps up the fake uncle thing. He's pissed at Bruce for firing him (that man can not tell Tim to stop being a vigilante. That's so fucking hypocritical and that man isn't Tim's father), but he can't do anything about it. Bruce can't stop him from being a vigilante if he isn't in Gotham, though [Tim also gets the opportunity to heal while he's not in the same shadow of Gotham].

While Tim isn't Robin, he does maintain some communication with YJ. It's more distant, but they still go on missions together (as long as word won't get back to Batman). Tim is also more of a traveling vigilante who steals money from Lex or other billionaires to fund Tim's night job (he, begrudgingly, doesn't attempt to steal from Bruce. Babs would catch him). Tim also pockets some of the cash from crimes (particularly if the cops are corrupt and the money wouldn't go towards good causes regardless). Maybe Tim remotely manages DI as well, maybe not.

Anyways, years later, the batfam is slowly starting to heal. Jason is starting to forgive Bruce. The old man is putting in the effort to heal their relationship. Damian is healing and bonding with all of the family members in his own way. Dick has a much better relationship with Bruce, and Steph feels accepted by them.

Then Bruce "dies."

Tim stumbles upon proof of Bruce through his travels. He doesn't trust the Bats (especially after at least a year of no contact with them), so he tries to tell them about his proof as a not well-known vigilante. Red Hood has worked with him when The Outlaws crossed paths with him, but they aren't at the stage where RH trusts him. Tim doesn't trust RH due to a conversation or two about the man's hatred of the third Robin.

The Bats, drowning in their grief, push Tim away and deny him.

It stings, but Tim convinces himself to just shrug. What would he expect from the Bats anyways?

Tim goes through the effort of bringing Bruce back by himself. He then tries to dip immediately afterwards. He wants nothing to do with the Bats.

The Bats become curious about why a vigilante who seems to dislike would risk and sacrifice so much to bring back Bruce. They, like the nosy shits they are, try to investigate, charm, and stalk Tim.

Tim wants nothing to do with those fuckers. He wants to be left alone, fucking hell.

This dissolves into Tim trying to stay the fuck away from the Waynes as they chase him. He also can't help the fact that he cares about them, even if they piss him off.

More secrets unravel. Tim, wanting them to just go the fuck away, admits he knew the third Robin and that's why he doesn't like them.

Tim has changed a ton (personality and looks [he's taller and changes his appearance with makeup/wings]) so they don't immediately think of him as the third Robin. Tim also maintains a spotless civilian cover.

This cues the other Bats starting to question each other and Bruce what the fuck happened to the third Robin to make someone else hold a grudge against them.

I got so distracted. Oh well. Imma have to watch that series to feel the pain you're chatting about ^^ I wanna immerse myself in it, lmao

[rustingcat]

“So… how's the risotto?” Lena asked from behind her glass of overly expensive red wine. The quiet between them felt palpable despite the hums of conversation of the restaurant around them.

“Eh, good. Good.” Kara nodded with half a smile as she shoved another spoonful in her mouth to prove her point.

It was far from convincing, and Lena knew it wasn't about the food. “Alright, why does it feel…”

“Weird?” Kara finished her sentence with a small chuckle as she swallowed her bite.

“Yeah.” Lena smiled. At least it wasn't just her that felt that way. “It wasn't like that last time.” She signed and put down her glass.

“To be fair, last time we didn’t realise it was a date,” Kara pointed out.

“Is this what we should do then? Pretend like it's not a date?” Lena asked with a hint of worry in her voice. They only just made the big step. She didn't want things to return to the way they were.

“I don't know, I kinda like holding your hand.” Kara gave Lena’s hand a small squeeze while flashing her a warm smile.

“To be fair we did that before we decided to give this whole dating thing a try.” Lena visibly relaxed, giving kara a small smile in return.

“I also don't want to stop telling you how smart and beautiful you are.” Kara continued, basking in the rosy colour that appeared on Lena’s cheeks.

“Well, you did that before too, if I remember correctly.” Lena bit her lip in an attempt to suppress her growing smile. It was amazing how fast Kara can make her relax.

“Your memory is as amazing as you are, so I doubt it could betray you now.”

“Kara Davners, are you flirting with me?” Lena raised a sharp eyebrow as she took a sip of her wine.

“Should I stop?”

“Don't you dare.”

The silence that followed wasn't awkward anymore, it was warm and calming with the joy of something new.

“Then are you from tennessee? Cause you're the only ten I see.” Kara finished with a wink and an over confident smirk.

“Oh dear lord! No.”

“You don't like that one? I have more.”

Lena chuckled. God, she loved that woman. “Just eat your risotto, darling.”

Hand in hand, Lena and Kara exited the restaurant into the cool evening breeze of the city. Kara didn’t even ask before wrapping her blazer around Lena’s shoulder who smiled gratefully in response.

“Such a gentlewoman,” Lena remarked.

“I try,” Kara shrugged and captured Lena’s hand once more with her own.

“Well, this is me.” Lena bit her lip as the couple made it to her building’s entrance.

“Shall I walk you to your door?”

“If you insist.”

“I am a gentlewoman after all.”

They greeted Bill the doorman on their way up who wished them a nice evening with a smile.

They stopped again once they reached Lena’s door.

“So, a date or not a date?” Lena asked with a small smirk.

“Date, definitely a date.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I really want to kiss you right now.”

Lena answered by cupping Kara’s face and connecting their lips. It was wild to her how much she craved it already. They only kissed once before, and it was already one of her favourite things in this world. Their tongues connected and Lena let out a small whimper as heat consumed her entire body in seconds.

“Would you like to come in?” Lena asked breathlessly while Kara moved l to kiss her neck.

“I thought it was a third date kind of thing?” Kara smirked, whispering her words into her ear.

“Would coffee and whatever in my fridge work for a third date then?” Lena bit her lip while eyeing Kara’s swallowed kissable lips.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think it would.” Kara barely nodded before crashing their lips back together.

They stumbled into Lena’s apartment deeply consumed by one another.

They never got to make that coffee.

Well, not until the morning after.

You can also find this on AO3

Huge thanks to @sssammich for pushing me out of my comfort zone to come up with this ficlet! Thank you for your help, darling♥️

[storiesforallfandoms]

oblivious ~ eddie munson;stranger things

word count: 3103

request?: no

description: in which he has a huge crush on the scoops ahoy girl, but she's too oblivious to notice

pairing: eddie munson x female!reader

warnings: swearing, use of y/n

masterlist (one, two, three)

The first time Eddie came into Scoops Ahoy, he was on a date.

He had been so excited for this date. It had taken him forever to work up the courage to ask the girl, a sweet girl in his grade named Noel. When she said yes, he felt like he could fly. He had planned out the perfect date: ice cream, a movie, and then maybe dinner if they were feeling up for it. If not, a drive in his van to stargaze before he brought her home.

It was all perfect, and it was already going well even though it had only just started.

And then, as he walked into Scoops with his arm around Noel's shoulder, his eyes landed on the girl at the counter, and he found himself breathless.

He hadn't seen her before. He thought he was about to run into Robin Buckley, who he knew had a part time gig at this place and who liked Eddie enough that she might've slipped him a free sundae with two spoons for him and his date. Instead, there was the most beautiful girl Eddie had ever seen standing at the cash, looking down at the book she had opened on the counter. When she heard them walking up, she looked up and smiled, and Eddie felt like she was the only woman in the entire world.

Not exactly the best thing to be thinking when you're on a date with someone else, he thought to himself.

"Ahoy, you two!" she said, marking her book and setting it aside. "What can I get you two?"

Eddie opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. Noel looked up at him, and he quickly plastered a smile on his face so she didn't see his obvious attraction to this girl. He looked back down at her and said, "Whatever you want."

She ordered a large sized sundae and asked for two spoons for them to share. The cashier took their payment and got to work scooping the ice cream into a sundae glass. Noel was chattering away to Eddie, but he had a hard time focusing. He tried to keep eye contact with Noel, but he kept glancing up at the worker. She wasn't looking at the two of them, but he wished she would. He wanted her to see him, to maybe have a flicker of the same thoughts he was having about her.

When she passed him their ice cream, she smiled and said, "Enjoy."

"Thank you," Eddie said, pausing to glance at her name tag. "(Y/N)."

~~~~~~

The second time Eddie went to Scoops Ahoy, he was alone.

It was a week later, and he had been thinking about (Y/N) the entire time. He couldn't get her out of his mind. It was summer time, so there was no way for him to try and see her at school. His only hope was to go into Scoops and hope she was working.

Lucky for him, she was.

She was leaning against the counter, reading another book. The place was surprisingly not busy for an ice cream store during the summer, but Eddie was going to use that to his advantage while he could.

"Still not through that book?" he asked, playfully. "You must be a slow reader."

She looked up at the sound of his voice and smiled. "Oh hey, I remember you."

"I would hope so. I like to make a lasting impression."

She chuckled and marked her book. "For your information, this is a new book. Actually, the third new book since you were here last week. I finished that one the day you were here."

Eddie whistled. "That's impressive."

"There's not much else to do during the slow periods. They schedule two of us on at a time and usually by, like, 3pm it dies off here. Everyone is either going home for the day or getting dinner, or going to a movie. Which reminds me, where's your girlfriend?"

Was she asking because she was genuinely curious, or was she trying to figure out whether or not Eddie was single?

"Not girlfriend," he responded. "Just one date, and not a good one at that."

"Oh, that sucks. What happened?"

"I took her to a movie and she really did not like it. She was almost insulted that I took her to it as a first date."

"Which movie? There's plenty of good rom-coms out, and most of them are really good from what I've heard."

"I'm not really a rom-com type of guy, so I took her to see that movie Aliens."

(Y/N) started laughing. "That's a horror movie! You took a girl to see a horror movie on your first date?"

Eddie put his hands up in mock surrender. "Hey! I just said I'm not a rom-com guy! I didn't think that would be a bad choice. Wait, how do you know it's a horror movie? Have you seen it?"

She nodded. "I'm really into sci-fi stuff. I went to see it the weekend it came out."

I'm in love.

They continued to talk for a while until a customer finally came in. Eddie stepped aside so that (Y/N) could do her job. Robin emerged from the back room just as (Y/N) started to get the kid's ice cream and told her she could go on her break. Eddie itched to ask her if she wanted to get lunch together, but he didn't want to seem too eager or obvious.

(Y/N) looked over at him. "I'd ask if you wanted to grab something to eat, but I brought lunch today and I'm not one to waste food."

His heart fluttered. She would've asked. Maybe I'm not too eager.

"That's okay. I wouldn't want you to waste whatever you brought either. Maybe if I'm ever in the area again."

She was smiling again. "Yeah! That'd be cool. You should stop by whenever you're in the mall. It's super boring here when the crowd dies down, and Robin is only good for conversation for so long."

"Hey!" Robin said, throwing a used sample stick at (Y/N).

(Y/N) screeched and moved out of the way. The two were laughing as (Y/N) walked to the back room for her break. Eddie stood for a moment longer, watching her go, before he reluctantly decided to leave the shop. He would've stayed all day if he could, just to talk to (Y/N). But he definitely did not want to give her stalker vibes. Maybe he'd come back tomorrow, or give it a few days. But he would definitely be back.

~~~~~~

Later that evening, while Robin and (Y/N) were doing their closing duties, Robin said, "I didn't know you knew Eddie Munson."

(Y/N) looked at her in confusion. Robin raised an eyebrow. "Long, brown hair? Ripped jeans? Band shirt? Was here talking to you earlier?"

"Oh!" (Y/N) said, the lightbulb of recognition finally lighting up in her head. "That's his name? He hasn't told me yet."

"So you don't know him then."

(Y/N) shrugged. "He came in last week on a date, then came in again today. We were talking for a bit. He seems nice."

"Wait, wait, he was here on a date? Does his girlfriend know he's coming in and flirting up a storm with the Scoops Ahoy girl? You don't want some crazy coming in here ready to scratch your eyes out because she thinks you're trying to steal her boyfriend."

(Y/N) laughed. "You're funny, Robin. He wasn't flirting with me. He was just talking. And he doesn't have a girlfriend. The date went poorly he said."

Robin gave (Y/N) a look. She was surprised to see that (Y/N) wasn't blushing or flustered talking about Eddie. She seemed to genuinely think Eddie was just being friendly while he was there. Had she really been that oblivious to not realize Eddie was smitten with her? He hadn't bought any ice cream while he was there, and left right after (Y/N) went on her break. Was she not connecting the dots?

After a moment, Robin realized that (Y/N) really hadn't.

The next morning, Steve had come in for his shift to find Robin erasing the "You Suck/You Rule" board she had made to keep a tally of all the times he had struck out with girls.

"Finally giving up on your bullying?" he asked her.

"No," Robin said. "I'm starting over with a new target."

At the top of the board, Robin wrote (Y/N)'s name.

~~~~~~

The third time Eddie went to Scoops Ahoy, (Y/N) hadn't been working. He had to order ice cream that he didn't even want as to not seem so obvious that he was only there to see her.

The fourth time Eddie went to Scoops Ahoy, (Y/N) was there. It was the next day, which he felt silly about but he had been sad he didn't get to see her the day before, and didn't want to wait more time before trying to see her again.

Luckily, (Y/N) was working with Steve and not Robin, which was who had been in the day before when he walked in.

This time, (Y/N) told Eddie she hadn't brought a lunch in hopes of seeing him, and they decided to get food from the food court together. They spent the entire half hour getting to know one another. When Eddie told (Y/N) about Hellfire, she seemed genuinely interested, despite not knowing anything about Dungeons and Dragons.

"Do you have sessions over the summer?" she asked.

"Sometimes. I try to give the kids a break from getting absolutely demolished by my sadist campaigns, but they often ask me to hold a session every now and then."

"Maybe I could come by sometime to watch. I would be absolutely garbage to play, I know nothing about the game and I'd definitely hold your team or whatever back, but I'd love to see you in full Dungeon Master mode. You seem to be really passionate about it."

Normally, spectators were absolutely not allowed. New people weren't even allowed to join the campaign unless Eddie approved of them, and Eddie approved of very few people for his DND campaigns.

But he definitely approved of (Y/N). Even if she just wanted to come and spend the entire time not paying any attention to what was going on, he would let her. Just to have her involved with his world.

"I think that could be allowed," he said, trying to remain nonchalant.

"You're too kind, Dungeon Master."

She said it in a teasing way, but Eddie found himself liking the nickname coming from her mouth a little too much.

When it was nearing the end of her break, Eddie walked (Y/N) back to Scoops. Steve was on the cash with a line up almost to the door.

"Shit, I should go help him," (Y/N) said. "Thanks for having lunch with me today. Don't forget to let me know about your next campaign."

"Wouldn't dream of it, sweetheart."

(Y/N) paused at the name. "I like that. Keep calling me that."

Eddie smiled. "Will do."

He watched her rush into work before reluctantly leaving again. Mentally, he celebrated the small wins that he was seeming to have with (Y/N).

Meanwhile, (Y/N) was quick to help Steve fulfil the orders of the sudden crowd they had. Once they were most ways through and no one else was coming in, Steve asked, "How was your lunch date with Eddie?"

(Y/N) gave him a look. "It wasn't a date, Steve. It was just two friends getting lunch."

Steve paused to look at her. The realization that she was being serious hit him as hard as it had hit Robin days before.

When he was able to step away from the counter for a moment, he added a tick to the "You Suck" side of the board.

~~~~~~

The tallies on the "You Suck" side started to add up. Robin and Steve were almost impressed with how quickly (Y/N) was catching up to Steve's score in just a few weeks. They couldn't believe that she was so oblivious to the way Eddie felt about her. They couldn't tell if she didn't feel the same way, or if she just really could not see that Eddie was head over heels for her.

They started spending time together outside of the Starcourt Mall. The next time Eddie had come in while she was working, they exchanged phone numbers and started meeting up when (Y/N) was off. Usually they would go out somewhere or he would go to her place, too embarrassed to have her see the trailer that he lived in. But when she finally asked him at one point about where he lived and he confessed to her that he lived in the trailer park with his uncle, she insisted she wanted to see his place and meet Wayne. She didn't judge him in the slightest as she walked into the tiny, messy trailer, and when she left that night Wayne told him, "I like her. Don't fuck it up, boy."

But it was hard to fuck something up that wasn't really happening. Eddie didn't want to outright say anything to (Y/N) about how he felt in case she didn't feel the same way, but it was hard to gauge how she felt. She was so kind to him. She wanted to know more about him and never judged him for anything that he said or did. She even took interest in the things he liked, like DND and metal music, even when she said it wasn't something she liked. But, on the other hand, there was no clues from her that she liked him any more than a friend. Eddie didn't want to overthink things with her, but he felt like he was getting such whiplash from going back and forth on whether or not she liked him.

One night, when he knew she wasn't working, Eddie came to her house. He knocked at her door, like a gentleman, and smiled when she answered it.

"Hey Eds!" she said. "What's up?"

"I'm taking you on an adventure, sweetheart," he said.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "An adventure, you say?"

"Nothing special, but there's this place I wanted to show you. I promise I'm not taking you to my serial killer spot, though."

She laughed. "Damn, that's too bad. A serial killer spot sounds fun."

(Y/N) called over her shoulder to her parents that she was going out with Eddie before following him to his van.

The ride wasn't terribly long, but once they went off road onto a dirt path it got very bumpy. (Y/N) held onto the door and laughed with every jostle of the van. They came to a clearing in a field that Eddie had found some time ago. He parked the van and turned to look at (Y/N).

"Are you sure this isn't a serial killer spot?" she asked.

He chuckled and nodded towards the back of the van before getting out. (Y/N) turned to see that Eddie had thrown some blankets and pillows into the back of his van. When he opened the back doors, (Y/N) noticed that, this far away from town and with the lights of Eddie's van off, the stars were perfectly clear in the sky.

"Whoa," she marveled.

"Beautiful, huh?" Eddie asked. "I come out here whenever I wanna be alone and have a smoke without Wayne getting on my case about it. I thought...well, I wanted to share it with you."

Eddie climbed into the back of the van and gestured for (Y/N) to follow. She climbed between the seats and sat next to Eddie. He arranged the blankets and pillows around them so that they had some cushioning underneath them. (Y/N) leaned into Eddie, watching the sky with wide eyes. She didn't notice that he was looking at her, a small smile on his face.

"I don't think I've ever really looked at the stars like this," she admitted. "I feel like it's one of those things you take for granted. You don't really focus on how beautiful the sky can be."

"I didn't used to either, but after I found this place I started coming out to appreciate them more."

She turned her head to look at him. "Would you bring me out here to see them more often?"

"If you want me to." She nodded her head vigorously. Eddie chuckled. "Okay, then I'll keep bringing you out then."

And then, in that moment, with her looking at him and the beautiful night sky as a backdrop, Eddie took his chance. He leaned forward and kissed (Y/N). His hand came up to gently cup her cheek at the same time her hand moved to the back of his neck. Her response was a shock to both of them, but Eddie wasn't about to cut this moment short.

(Y/N) ended up pulling away first. She rested her forehead against his and looked into his big, brown eyes.

"Sorry," he said, softly.

She giggled. "Why?"

"I don't know. I feel like maybe I should've asked before I kissed you."

"I liked the spontaneity of it."

"Well, in that case."

(Y/N) giggled again as Eddie leaned in to kiss her again. They ended up tumbling back onto the blankets underneath them, but didn't break the kiss as they went.

"Wait," (Y/N) said. "Wait, you actually did like me this entire time?"

"You didn't know?" She shook her head. "Oh my God. All this time, I just thought you didn't like me back."

"I just thought we were friends!"

"Well, we were, but I had a crush on you!"

She put her hands over her face. "Oh my, God! I'm an idiot!"

Eddie chuckled and lowered her hands from her face. "You're not an idiot. Maybe just a little oblivious, but in the cutest way possible."

"I didn't know oblivious could be cute."

"Everything you do is cute."

His words made (Y/N) want to float into the air, all the way to cloud nine. She cupped his face and started kissing him again. They couldn't get enough of kissing one another.

The next time (Y/N) went to Scoops, Robin finally got to add a tally to the "You Rule" side of the board.

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Hazbin Hotel x reader cooking headcanons

Summary: HH character headcanons with their s/o and cooking. I hope you enjoy!

Includes:

Angel Dust

Alastor

Vox

Sir Pentious

Angel Dust

Cooking with Angel mostly consists of you cooking and him lying dramatically on the table, most probably making suggestive comments, something along the lines of:

"Why not just skip dinner and all these formalities and go straight to the bedroom?"

or

"Wouldn't you rather have me for dinner?"

That is, until the stove catches on fire and he has to leap over the table in an attempt to save your meal. Usually he succeeds, he is a great cook after all. You always marvel how he can turn a what seemed like a lost cause into a delicious meal.

This is not saying that you're a bad cook, it's just, it's kind of hard to concentrate when your boyfriend keeps making suggestive comments every 5 seconds... He knows that and does so on purpose, he is an annoying little shit like that.

What would you guys be cooking?

Pasta. You'll be making pasta or ravioli or any Italian dish for that matter. He LOOOOOVES Italian food, it reminds him of the past, when he was still alive, of his sister... It holds great sentimental value for him, so if he were to come home after a very rough day in the studio and see Italian food you made for him, boy would melt (please cook for him, he needs the mood boost)

As for baking, you make cupcakes and cookies. Angel usually decorates them, with pink liqueur and sprinkles. He makes some of them look like spiders and hearts - he's amazing with decorations. When he knows you're not looking, he'll make one that looks like a dick..... You know, just to get a rise out of you.

Alastor

Jambalaya. You're definitely eating jambalaya. That's his favourite dish and you bet he'll be cooking it any chance he gets.

"What do you want for dinner, dear?" Alastor calls from the kitchen

"I don't know, whatever you want" you reply.

"Jambalaya it is, then" he says cheerily as you realise your mistake and prepare to eat it for the third time this week.

Alastor definitely teaches you his mother's recipes. This is a deeply personal thing to him and a huge part of opening up and starting to trust you.

He gets really giddy and His heart absolutely melts when you cook for him from the family cookbook. Loves coming home after a hard day to have a warm dinner by a familial recipe made for him.

Great cook. If you don't know how to cook, he'd be happy to do majority of cooking in your household (Though you might have to bribe him with kisses to not use human meat).

Unfailingly offers you human flesh/ raw meat whenever he's eating it. You might see it as gross, he sees it as him being a gentleman.

Vox

Insists on following the recipe to the letter. All hell breaks lose, when there's a typo:

"Add 1500 grams of flour.... That can't be right" you read

"Come on, sweetheart, if the recipe says so, this must be the right way"

"it must've been a typo or-"

"Nah they wouldn't make such a big mistake, relax, I've got it figured out. Now help me heave the bag into the bowl"

"No! Wait don't add it all-" you try to stop him, a fruitless attempt to salvage your meal.

The flour spills out.

When you eat your stone hard cookies, Vox might admit that maybe you were right:

"i think ... Maybe it was a typo actually"

"Ya think?" Would be your aggravated reply.

You end up eating at some fancy restaurant (He made the reservations even before you attempted your cooking experiment. He remembers how may previous attempts had turned out an has a fair estimation of both of yours cooking skills)

Sir pentious

You don't just cook food. You make complicated constructions out of it. It's a form of art. You always feel sorry to eat it at the end.

For one reason or another, your kitchen is stacked with overcomplicated machines. They are proud creations off your partner and are mostly designed to aid in cooking, in the most silly way (think- overcomplicated pan that flips the pancakes themselves).

Mostly. Apparently, Sir Pentious deemed it crucial to add murderous features to those machines and other kitchen utensils in your possession (think- the aforementioned pan can procure a mass destruction laser on demand).

Sometimes you would have competitions: who can make teh most complicated, aesthetically looking meal in record time. The results vary:

Sometimes you end up with a delicious two-course + desert meal, that took hours of preparation and you had a ton of fun.

And other times you end up with chaos and half burned food, that took 10 minutes to prepare. Because:

"You looked like you were nearly done, I had to rush!"

"You rushing made me rush!"

"I only rushed because you rushed!"

Both the times you end up with a completely demolished kitchen. Its a miracle neither of you lost any limbs!

But at the end of the day, you have a nice, fairly edible meal, with your partner and joke about how the preparation went. Praising each other saves:

"That was amazing, really. The way you simultaneously finished the sauce while being at the stove and cutting the tomatoes!"

and laughing at the fails:

"I cant believe it took you 30 minutes to prepare the sauce... You kept adding Sault, and then deciding that it was too salty so you had to add the other ingredients to balance it out!" You'd giggle remembering it

"But it hasss to be perfect" Pentious would hiss out.

"It was perfect" you'd reply with a smile "Everything was amazing, love"

A/n: This is the end, hopefully you enjoyed it!

[melodic-haze]

I just want to bend Navia over and fuck her with my strap ^_^ her thighs are so tempting I can’t do this I need this woman right now

(also, can I be 🐿️ anon?)

☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Navia x dom!fem!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Strap-on use

☆ — NOTES: I shit you not I remember only logging in to get Navia and then stopped playing again when I got her. ALSO YES YOU CAN BE 🐿 ANON MY FIRST ONE HIIIII 🥰🥰🥰🥰 SORRY I'M GOING FOR SHORTER SHIT RN 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I NEED HER RIGHT THIS SECOND TOO OUGHHH I'm gonna indulge with you anon good god

The. The gap where. Her thighs are visible ughghhghg save me SAVE MEEEEE

You sit down together and you squeeze that part of Navia's thighs and she sits up in alert brfore fully debating on whether to keepy your hand there or to swat it away. It usually stays though 🤷‍♀️

Using her like some kinda fleshlight would be so fun lol

Bend her over and fuck her reaaaaally nice and hard 🫶🫶 have her absolutely SOBBING telling you to slow down but you don't bc really lol why would you??? Especially not when she grinds herself on your strap whenever you stop

DUDE fold her in half so that she can't move, or like hold her thighs down as you absolutely RAIL her to oblivion oh my god

Can I just say the ripple effect would go crazy though. LOL yes ugghhgh watch her thighs and her ass move and jiggle every time you bottom out inside of her

You felt her quaking from underneath you as Navia came for.. maybe the third or the fourth time so far. Her loud moans echoed through the room like a pleasant chime as your hips moved to carry her through her high, your eyes still utterly transfixed at the way her thighs ripple whenever your hips slam into yours.

When you think your lover's orgasm had mostly receded, you give her thigh a soft smack before squeezing it, the former action earning what sounded to be a cross between a yelp and another moan from her. She doesn't seem mad at the sudden impact though—in fact, she seems delighted in the way that she gives you a tired grin as she combs her blonde hair out of the way of her sapphire blue eyes.

Instead of continuing again, you decided to take a little break for a short while, though you don't really make the move to pull out. Instead, you keep the strap inside of her as you reach for the cup of water prepared on the nightstand with your other hand.

You lightly tapped your lover's beautiful thighs to gain her attention, "Can you drink on your own or do you want me to pass it to you?"

"Mmm... Think I can drink it on my own for now, thank you." She slowly sat up and took the glass, carefully making sure that you don't slip out from the movement, "I don't know how stable my motor skills will be when you continue with doing that, though."

"Oh? Not if, when?" You raised an eyebrow jokingly as she basically gulped down her drink, "You expected more from me? What if I wanted to stop here?"

She puts the glass back down once she's finished before leaning on her palms behind her, "Then we'll stop. But I really doubt you want to, considering this--" she nods her head down at the toy, "--is still inside of me."

"That your detective skills at work right now?"

"No, just that I know you intimately enough to know you haven't had enough of me."

"I mean, you're right." You buck your hips to make a point and she lets out a gasp, biting her lip as she drops to lean on her elbows instead, "I definitely could never have enough of you."

She gives you an impish smirk, "Then take all of me, ma douce."

Really, the most polite answer would be to do so.

I reckon she's a chronic biter yk. Like hold her close to you as you piston her and she'll bite whatever part of you she can

Don't just bend her over too guys make her ride you 🫶🫶🫶☺️☺️ she happily will!!!! Wielding a huge axe like that has GOT to do shit for your legs too not just your arms so she has the STAMINA go bounce on your cock like her life depends on it, giving you the fill view of you cunt practically consuming you whole like a woman starved. Oh my god I'm having such a fixation with them now that you've said it sorry LOL UM anyway yeah grab onto her thighs, dictate her pace or else she'll do what she wants and chase her release before you actually want her to :((((

Bonus points I think she'd be a size queen too :3 the bigger the better❗️❗️❗️ She swears she can handle it when she first asks you to use one that's Big but then you're in bed with her rn and she sobs out like "it's too much" or "I feel so full" but like just tell her to take it cuz realistically she put this on herself 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

When you're all done, have her clean you off ☺️☺️☺️☺️ she'll take it aaaaaallllllll the way down to the base without any complaints. Even if it's too big, she'll try her very best❗️❗️❗️ And after that, perhaps you could have her service you in return when you take the strap off :3333 it's only fair, and she wouldn't want to leave you unsatisfied after all you've done for her 🤷‍♀️

[vigilantethot]

random headcanons about being Miguel O’hara’s housewife <3

Pairing: Miguel O’hara x fem! Reader

this is mostly SFW

Disclaimer: This is my first fanfic I’ve written in yearsss so pls be easy on me haha. Also the reader is black coded. 

It’s no secret that Miguel works too much. He is under tremendous stress all the time, so it makes total sense that he needs his home to be a safe space, and a calm sanctuary. 

Its also no secret that Miguel is a control freak. He has a schedule that he MUST abide by or he’ll go crazy.

As his wife, you have a HUGE part in his routine.

Miguel takes pride in providing for his loved ones, and early into the relationship he told you he wanted you to have to worry about nothing, to just do whatever your heart desires whether its art, reading, or just laying in bed all day. 

When you first got engaged to Miguel, it was super hard to get used to his schedule, it seemed like he was never home, and you often found yourself feeling useless and insignificant to him. 

Upon communicating this with Miguel after he was late for dinner the third time that week, he instantly made changes to accommodate you into his life. You were his life after all. 

He quickly made sure to start including you in his day, even if he’s at work. The last thing Miguel wants is for you to feel useless, and he would do anything to make you happy. 

Treating you like a princess makes him so happy. Everything you want, you get. Miguel has more than enough resources to cater to your every whim.

Found a new hobby that you’re going to spend hundreds of dollars on only to get bored of it and keep the supplies in your hobby room to collect dust? Sure, go ahead and get everything you need, he just wants you to find your passion!

Now lets get back to the routine: 

You two always started your days in bed, limbs tangled, your head on his chest, his hands rubbing your back.  

After a quick cuddle session, and maybe a little more than that, you two make your way to the kitchen, where you brew coffee, make his breakfast, and discuss your plans for the day. 

Miguel never leaves for work without kissing you at least three times, he says its to “clear his head.”

Miguel likes to keep tabs on you all day. He is a very possessive and overprotective man, and he will go to great lengths to ensure your safety. 

He's constantly texting, asking what you’re doing and how you’re doing. Always asking if you ate (if you didn’t you would be in BIG trouble, it seriously pisses him off when he thinks you’re not taking care of yourself.)

He also has a few cameras in your house, for “safety”. Mainly its just to watch you throughout the day to admire you/check in on you. 

He also always has your location, just in case. 

Miguel calls to check in at least twice a day. Hearing your voice and hearing you talk about the fun things you’ve done calms him, and reminds him why he works so hard. 

You really don’t mind how overbearing Miguel can be, he makes you feel loved and safe. 

Miguel loves to hear about your excursions throughout the day. You just got your hair done? be prepared to send him 100 pictures, and he will save every single one. 

Seriously, his camera roll is just you. 

You went shopping? He wants you to model everything you got, even if its just a bonnet. 

He loves anything you do to your hair, whether its a sew-in, braids, or just cutting it all the way off. He’s so lovesick he would still look at you with heart eyes if you had a bowl cut.

Before he met you, Miguel would never leave his work under any circumstance. But on the days where you go to the salon and look so pretty, he couldn’t resist taking a long break just to see you in person. Of course your fresh hairstyle would be tousled and unkempt by the time he’s done showing his appreciation for your beauty. 

When Miguel gets home, his full attention is on you. 

He loves to come home to you, with your apron on, music playing and the wonderful smell of whatever you made him for dinner. 

After showering and putting on cozy clothes, you two enjoy dinner and just talk about anything and everything. His eyes full of love and adoration as you tell a funny story about something that happened to you that day. 

He always helps clean up after dinner, often splashing you with water of putting soap bubbles on your nose while washing dishes. He can only show this side of himself with you, and that’s why his love for you grows more and more each passing moment. 

After dinner, you two normally unwind on your huge, comfy couch that he custom ordered just to be able to accommodate the both of you. 

You two spend the evening cuddling and watching TV, with him pressing lingering kisses on your neck until he takes you into his huge arms and takes you to bed, where the night can continue ;)

A/N: feedback? requests? message me :)

[heartfullofleeches]

You know what i would like to see a goldfish reader cause i mean goldfish can be really tiny and can get fairly big, maybe reader is from a pet store and gets bought for a young rich yandere and gets absolutely pampered and gets huge, clifford the big red dog style

"Sorry, I can't make it this year."

"Mom won't drive me out that far....."

"Maybe next time?"

"Next year."

Next year... Next year.. They'll be forty by the time that rolls around. It's always the same. People stick around for the lavish parties and taste of the high life, but the second they want to downgrade for something small with close friends and family everyone's suddenly too busy to come see them. The presents have always been shit too. Flashy jewelry or clothing from brands they couldn't care less about. Whatever happened to giving kids toy trains and dolls? They're sick of it. Sick of everything. Why can't anything turn out right-

Auryn hurls their phone at the door, anger fleeting as it smashes into a million pieces. Mommy and daddy will just buy them a new one, and while it won't do a scratch they love the idea of burning a hole in their pockets. Wasting all the money they gave them instead of time. The door creaks open once the coast is clear and in peaks a frightened maid. Her eyes fall to her arms, soothing whatever she held with a soft hush. They return to her master, waiting for their answer.

"Come in."

The maid opens the door completely and steps inside. In her hands was a glass bowl. "From your parents."

Auryn drums their leg against the frame of their bed, wondering why their arms were still empty. "Well?"

The maid shoves the bowl into their chest as passive she could, prioritizing the creature within over her annoyance. They look into the glass. Floating at the bottom; staring right back at them, was a little goldfish. Poor thing had been startled awake by the loud thud and trying to squeeze its tail into the castle it had already outgrown. It still couldn't have been any bigger than their hand. Beyond its human features, there was nothing special about it. A fish.

A fucking fish. Out of all the things they could've sent. The maid could sense their rage flaring. "Please give it a chance. Your brother couldn't keep it, and he knew you'd be the next best owner."

Their nails scrap the glass. That only makes it worse. Their family dumping their trash on them was a new low. What were they going to do with this thing? They should put it out of its misery. Abandoned, weak, unable to feign for itself.... just like them.

Auryn looks at the goldfish again. They stick a finger in its tank, swishing it around as the guppy takes interest. It swims up to them and puts its mouth around the digit, nibbling at the skin. They smile a bit, pulling their finger away which in turn causes the fish to dart away. Their brows furrow in worry.

"... I'm..sorry for scaring you. You're just like me aren't you? Alone. Afraid. I'll take care of you. I promise. Why don't we start off by getting you a new tank?"

.

.

.

"Noooooo"

You shake in their arms as the divers attempt to fit their measuring tools around your tail, successfully knocking two of them away and sending the third packing. Auryn strokes your tears into your scaly flesh, fighting a laugh as the hired help resurfaces.

"I don't want to get measured!"

"Shhhh. It's okay. If even one scale is missing off that gorgeous tail I'll cut their oxygen and add a few bricks to their suits."

You still aren't convinced. Auryn melts at the way you curl against their chest. The first time they held you like this you were about the size of a puppy. Now, your tail alone was bigger as their entire torso and your arms were tree trunks compared to theirs. They had done exactly as they said. After you came into their life no one else mattered. They got you a nice large tank to start off with, fed you a healthy diet with plenty of treats since your speak lessons were going so well, and spoke with you for hours. You were already half their size by the end of the year. They used to take you on walks in your little bowl, then they had to buy a wagon to carry you around, and now you lived in a glorified swimming pool no one else had access to besides care beyond their capabilities. Having you turned them into a more compassionate, but closed off person, and got them through the worse in life. They were successful in nearly every endeavor and it was all for you.

Auryn gets close to your ear as their voice rises in pitch. "But if you reaaaally don't want to - I'll have to find some other guppy to give all the brine shrimp I have in the house to."

Your tail cracks against the pool's wall, ripping the water's surface with tidal category waves and pushing the workers back down under. "I'll be good! I will- please!"

"Haha - ok, ok." They give a thumbs up to the divers as they climb in the pool. You work with them this time, channeling your fright as their tools stretch and stick around you into the grip you hold on Auryn's arm - careful not to apply too much. They grit through the pain and as one of the divers comes up again they take the measuring tape still held by the rest and lines it up to your head.

"4 meters!"

Auryn exclaims in glee and grabs you by the cheeks, cooing and kissing your nose as they laugh. "Look at you! A whole nother meter in just one year. Keep this up and we'll have to buy an island."

A servant knocks on the sliding glass door. Auryn excuse themselves with one final kiss to your wet lips as they hop out of your tank. They hand them a phone.

"It's your parents. They are in town with your brother and would like to take you out for your birthday this evening."

Auryn gets real close to the receiver as they speak. "Eat shit and die. Stay the hell away from us."

[nonranghaes]

heads up: food (cookies, pretzel bites, mentions of a chinese food plate to be split by two idiots in love)

"okay, okay, okay, i'm like... i'm like... i'm upstairs. i can see, like, that place with the really good cookies."

sometimes you wonder how this happens. then again, if someone asked you how you lost your boyfriend, you'd probably hit back with "i forgot to cherish him" before doing exactly what you're doing now: listening to mark try to list out the stores he can see. this mall is absurdly huge and you're just trying to find an actual map to the place first. it should not be this hard to find your boyfriend... but alas. life goes on.

"mark. sweetie. baby. pookie. i need names."

"you know the place! i can't--i can't see the name from all the way over here!"

you don't question why he doesn't point out literally any shop closer to him. you just go with it. "then go toward it?"

"but, like.. what if you come up here and i miss you?" he giggles a moment later. "alright, alright, alright--i'm goin'. it's the place on the third floor, though." he pauses. "oh my god. babe, do you want cookies? i'll go grab us some cookies while i'm up here. none for chenle and renjun because they ditched us."

you look at the cup of pretzel bites you've been carrying around with the intent of sharing them with mark. "... yeah, get us the cookies." you finally find one of those boards with the map on it, and start looking for cookie places. sure enough, there's only one on the third floor. and it's only a bit of a walk.

"you good?" he asks after a second.

"i'll be there in a minute," you say. "get me chocolate chip."

you can practically hear his smile through the phone. "whatever you want, baby. see you in a minute."

[slayingfiction]

How I push through writing when I don't feel like writing.

Here are some of the techniques that I use to help me write more often or more consistantly when my laziness/depression/anxiety starts to take over.

I watch TV. I don't do it with the purpose of zoning out though. I watch something popular and well-liked such as the LOR or Harry Potter to get new ideas on how I can develop my story and apply their in-depth world-building ideas to help develop mine. Without plagarizing of course!!!!

Zoning out and daydreaming. As I have mentionned before, daydreaming is a huge part of my story outlining and world-building process. I'll stand in the shower, or take a walk and think about how my charcaters would act/react/behave in situations, mundane or not. Doing this gives me a better sense of my characters, and sometimes gives me ideas for scenes I use later on.

Work on writing related projects. These work well at keeping me distracted while still being productive on my writing goals. Example, I have one story I am working now, I made a new language (alphabet and numbers included) to include as a cool and fun component for the book. So, at times when I don't wan't to write, I continue creating the dictionary (very fun, 8/10 would recommend). Also, for the same book, my characters don't work off the Georigian calendar and 24 hour clock, so I've been working at creating a new calendar (harder than it seems, 2.5/10 dont recommend). These are side projects that help my story, without having to write.

Reading. You saw this one coming, I know. Reading is great, especially when you're editing, your writing style will unconsciously change to be more similar the author you were just reading. Also, most importantly, I'll be reading and think, "this story is really good, but you know what story I like even better? Mine." then change to writing.

This one is my biggest life saver!! I learnt about a year ago that sometimes I'll get bored of writing a story, and have difficulty keeping on track. That's why I finished my first book in 2016 and just started editing the first draft last week. The solution for me was to work on multiple projects at once, because it was much harder to be bored of multiple stories. I stick to 2, but will sometimes add a third. This is easy for me, because I have a list of over a dozen series I want to write. Don't abandon one project for another, use them as a distraction/ motivation for each other, so you're always furthering at least one project. I've never heard someone say, "oh no, i accidentally worked on this other writing project for three months instead of the other writing project I was doing. Dammit." No, we're just happy we have written something. Be sure to have well outlined story lines before starting, don't just start writing randomly or you'll reach a point where you don't know where to go from there.

Author/ writer projects. Maybe this is building a following, or community to share your projects and engage with. Tumblr, Insta, Reddit, whatever it is. My hope this year is to start up my website to offer publishing services (editing, graphic design, short writing courses) and build a following as a writer. (See what I did there? Never a bad time to self-promote ;) ) Having your own projects like this will help you in the future when you're going to try to publish and sell your books!

Talk with friends and a writing community. Never underestimate the passion that will burn inside you when talking about your story, or when others are talking about theirs. Surrounding yourself with a positive writing community can be the best thing for you as a writer.

Write or read (your story) every day. I'm not going to be one of those people that say you need to write 1000 words a day, that's a lot. But maybe try for 100? That could maybe only take 5 minutes, and at the end of the year that's still over 36 thousand words of a novel. Or just read your story, and I've always found it helped me get in the creative mood.

Make a playlist of songs that remind you of your characters, your story, or just puts you in the mood to write. Then play it ONLY when you're having trouble writing. Playing it while writing will not help, you'll get annoyed with the songs.

Just really can't do it today? That's okay, take a break. You deserve it. There's always tomorrow.

Does anyone else have ways they push themselves to keep writing? Let us know in the comments!

Happy Writing!