#And I remember when I bought this set debating with myself if it was too similar to ones I already had

[gobs-o-dice]

Dice Set #284: Grey-Orange Will-o-the-Wisp (GOWOW)

[sommerbueckers]

𝐋𝐨����𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬¹

___________________________________________________________

PAIGE WAS SITTING patiently in the living room of her hotel as she waited for KK and Ice to get ready. Their plane to New York City had landed last night and they had yet to stock up with snacks for the week. Ice was only going to ensure that Paige and KK bought something other than junk, she knew how slow they'd in practice after living off nothing but Tollhouse cookies and Pepsi for seven days.

"Y'all ready?" the blonde asked, shutting off her phone and slipping it into the pockets of her shorts.

"Been that, jus' waiting for Ice slow ass," KK responded, shooting the taller girl a side eye.

"Okay," Ice chimed in, "I don't wanna go either, everybody else is making me."

"Everybody except the two other people going," KK scrunched her nose up, playfully judging her.

Ice held her hand up in front of KK, moving to grab the keys off of the counter. Paige followed suit as they headed out the door and toward the elevator. She scrolled idly on her phone until a picture of the New York Liberty team popped up, triggering a question in her mind.

"Yo what time does the game start tomorrow?" she furrowed her eyebrows, looking between her two friends.

KK shrugged while Ice pulled out her phone.

"Seven."

"So are we eating before or after? 'Cus everything goin' be closed if we try to go after," KK said.

Snorting, the blonde turned to her, "Is food the only thing you think about?"

KK glared at her, not bothering to respond.

"Not to insert myself, but this grocery trip was literally your idea Paige," Ice said.

"So we was supposed to starve all week?" Paige asked, raising an eyebrow, and when neither of them responded she continued, "That's what I thought."

___________________________________________________________

"--No i'm telling you, we're gonna need more than one family bag of Doritos."

KK stared blankly up at Paige, the single bag of chips being crushed in her grip.

"You don't think this bag will last?" she frowned.

"Dude," Paige said, "there's seven of us here, no the bag isn't gonna last KK." Paige took it upon herself to grab a couple more bags off the shelf before tossing them into the cart.

"We need milk, and probably some break-away cookies, breakfast stuff too," Ice mentioned as she looked up from her phone.

"I can get those," Paige offered.

"I certainly wasn't getting 'em," Ice frowned with a laugh.

Paige, mocking the girl's laughter, set off toward the dairy aisle in search of the items Ice had named. She saw the milk first, pausing while she debated on whether to get the full cart or the half cart. They'd be here for a week, and if she got three half cartons then they could distribute them amongst the rooms. A full carton would have to be shared...That would be a lot of back and forth.

As she began to grab the cartons off the shelf, a soft voice called out to her from a few feet away. When she turned, her eyes landed on the one person from high school she hadn't forgotten about after graduation -- that hadn't been on the basketball team of course.

Myla Mintz.

Paige remembered her like it was yesterday; the curve of the dimples in her cheeks, the faint smile lines around her mouth, the deep brown of her doe eyes as she took in her surroundings. It was almost as if no time had passed, and if it hadn't been for her outfit showing off the way her body had developed, Paige would've been convinced that none did.

"Myla," she smiled, surprise written on her face.

"Oh my gosh it's been so long, how are you?" Myla asked, the same amount of surprise plastered across her beautiful face as well.

"I -- I'm great, how're you?"

Myla laughed, it was familiar to Paige, yet so foreign at the same time.

"I'm doing really good," she nodded.

"That's good, yeah. Damn, it's been four years," Paige scoffed in disbelief, taking a step closer to the girl, the milk cartons sitting forgotten in their original place.

Myla mirrored her actions, the pair now close enough that only they could hear their conversation.

"I know right! I mean it definitely doesn't feel like it, feels like yesterday we were just sitting in Physics talking about--" she struggled to find the words, a blush creeping onto her face from the embarrassment of not being able to recall any of their conversations. "Talking about whatever."

"Yeah, yeah," the blonde smiled as she remembered, "man I don't think i've ever been less focused during a class."

"I don't know how we even passed finals."

"Screw finals, midterms!" Paige laughed loudly.

Myla ran a hand through her hair, her usual natural curls had been curled and styled with an iron, now appearing longer as they hung down her back. A few chunks in the front had been cut into curtain bangs, falling perfectly back into place when her hand returned to her side. Paige watched as the shorter girl straightened out her skirt, her gaze falling to the perfect swell of her hips as it curved in to become her stomach. Has her shape always been that perfect?

When Myla looked back up, Paige took note of the smoothness of her lips. It was hard to tell if the pink tint they held was natural or if it was a lipstick, but regardless, Paige had decided that she loved it.

Myla's mascara coated lashes batted up at the blonde, quietly waiting for her response to a question that had completely went over her head.

"Paige?" she called out.

"Yeah?"

"I asked what you were in town for," Myla smiled.

A nervous laugh escaped Paige and she briefly shook her head, "Sorry. I'm here for a week with some of my teammates."

"Oh nice. Is it for basketball or..." her voice trailed off.

"Nah, just pleasure."

Myla nodded again, anxiously biting her lip whilst she slowly built up the courage to ask her real question.

Paige hadn't even noticed her slight hesitation, but then again she had never been that observant. If she was, she would've caught on to the crush that Myla had developed on her during their junior year of high school. A crush that, let anyone other than Myla tell it, never really went away.

"Well y'know i'd love to catch up, if you're not too busy..." Myla finally breathed out, the grip she had on her basket beginning to slip from how sweaty her palms had become.

Paige, excited about the offer, immediately nodded her head, "That sounds great actually, when were you thinkin'?"

"I'm not really sure, I have some things lined up this week. If you give me your number though i'm sure we can work something out."

"Okay."

After the pair exchanged numbers and said their 'goodbyes,' they each went their separate ways. Paige proceeded to grab the things that Ice had requested before making her way back to her friends. It took her a minute to find them, their place having changed from the snack aisle over to the wide selection of alcohol. When they spotted her, KK removed her phone from her ear and Ice dramatically threw her hands up.

"We've been calling you," she said frustratedly.

"Yeah, we thought somebody snatched you," KK said, mimicking a grabbing motion with her arms.

"Relax," Paige laughed, "I was talkin' to somebody."

"A fan?" Ice asked.

"No, somebody I know from high school."

"Hm, well we gotta get back if we wanna make our dinner reservations tonight." Ice took the things from Paige's hands and put them in the car, positioning herself behind it to push. "Let's go."

___________________________________________________________

Paige sat in the living room with her warmed up leftovers sitting in her lap. The movie the girls had been watching had been paused after they learned of Paige's plans to meet with Myla, all of them bombarding her with questions about who she was and how they knew each other. Silently chewing on a few fries, her attention was grasped by Aubrey as the girl threw her another question.

"So you had one class with this girl for one year and now y'all are going out for lunch?"

"Yeah," Paige nodded. She noticed the expressions her friends held, faces of uncertainty and disapproval. "What? We became good friends that year." It hadn't entirely been a lie, Paige and Myla did indeed become friends during their shared time in that class. Only that was all there was. Their entire friendship had been kept between the walls of that freezing Physics classroom, neither one of them even sparing each other a second glance outside of that. Paige could tell you every single thing that Myla had done over the weekend from the months of August to May. But if you asked her where the girl had sat for lunch during those same months, she would've stared at you, stuck.

"Good friends doing what -- cutting open animals and bonding over their intestines?" Kayla joked.

"First off, that's Biology," Paige said, "and second, the way we became friends isn't even weird. Y'all just hatin.'"

"We're not hating Paige," Azzi said, "we're just trying to make sure you're not being lured out to some remote location where none of us can find you."

"No seriously, do you know who you are? I was on Ebay the other day and I found a fake chunk of your hair for sale," Aubrey told her, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Aubrey please," Azzi frowned.

"Im for real! It was in a signed ziplock bag 'n' everything," she continued.

Jana, rolling her eyes, finally chimed in the conversation. "How about we just do a deep dive on this girl and settle this?" she suggested.

Azzi nodded with a smile, pulling out her phone and opening Instagram.

"Good luck with that, she doesn't have social media," Paige said smugly, leaning back in her seat.

"No social media?" KK frowned, sharing a look with Ice, "Oh she definitely a weirdo."

Kayla scoffed, "Tell that to her 3 million followers."

It came as a shock to the girls that Paige hadn't gotten whiplash from how fast she turned her head. Her face contorted in a mixture of confusion and intrigue.

"Lemme see that," she demanded.

Azzi was unresponsive as she scrolled through the girl's Instagram, her eyes widening a little more with every picture she clicked on.

"Azzi," Paige spat out.

Kayla snatched the phone from Azzi's hand, earning a pout from her as she threw the phone over to Paige. Swiftly catching it, her face began to somewhat mimic Azzi's. Her friends crowded around her as they all looked through Myla's account. Pictures of her in revealing bikinis as she posed in the sand or by the pool, reels of her in undergarments parading around with girls who wore similar things, and the rest were her dressed up in fancy outfits at various premieres.

Who the fuck is this and what did she do with the real Myla Mintz?

The Myla that Paige remembered hadn't even had a social media platform, and now here she was with 3 million followers on Instagram. High school Myla hated going to the pool because the thought of being in a swimsuit in front of a bunch of strangers freaked her out. She hated her stretch marks, she hated how her thighs rubbed together when she walked, how she constantly felt the need to keep her arms away from her body because otherwise it 'made her feel fat.'

Paige had never understood Myla's desire to keep her body hidden, if she had been blessed with a body like that in high school she would've walked around showing it off. But Myla wanted to hide it. Now, looking at the new image that the Mintz girl had created for herself, it was obvious to Paige that a lot about her had changed.

"She's a model," Jana said, pointing out the tagged page in her bio, "IMG models."

"Damn, she a real model. None of that fake ig shit," Aubrey spoke, her voice slightly airy from seeing the photos.

"You sure you went to school with her, Paige?" Kayla joked, using her pointer finger to tap the blonde.

Paige couldn't answer, she could hardly even hear the question as her focus remained solely on the picture that was displayed on her screen. It was a casually taken photo of Myla on the beach. Her curls were completely soaked, fingers scrunching them at the top of her head. Her red bikini top had a zipper in the middle, one that was partially unzipped to reveal her cleavage. The matching bottoms that did very little to cover what she had clung tightly to her perfect skin.

She was smiling happily with her eyes closed, pearly teeth on full show. Everything about the picture was perfect, from the rawness of her smile to the carefreeness of her energy. Paige couldn't think of a single thing in the world that could've made the post better, that was until she read the caption typed below. It made her eyebrows raise, her lips part, her heart stop for a period of time that would concern medical specialist.

'Happy Pride from your fav;)'

___________________________________________________________

A/N: so obviously this is in third person and i didn't really like that so im planning to change it going forward

BUT NEW SERIESSSSS, im hype soooo i hope yall are too

[ihavewritersblockbutinreallife]

Fun fact: When I was little my parents bought a four disc set of the original TMNT Movies, the three of those, and then the 2007 TMNT. And for SOME REASON, little nine year old me was scarred for life after watching 2007. Keep in mind I had no knowledge whatsoever of the ninja turtles, I just thought the movies looked cool.

But 2007 shook me to the core, probably because Leo and Raph fought almost the whole time and Leo almost died, and my tiny brain didn't understand plot development and the whole "SUFFER FOR THE STORYLINE" concept.

And for years I just completely forgot about it.

Until my friend got me into TMNT like, six months ago, thank you @theressomanyfandomsineedtojoin

And ever since I joined the fandom there was this nagging thought in the back of my brain like "hey there's something you're repressing you should figure it out" and I'm like yeah that's about as helpful as any website telling you your password OR username is incorrect but won't tell you which one.

Then I finally remembered that 2007 TMNT terrified me and talked myself into watching it again.

Y'all if you haven't seen it, DO IT IT'S SO GOOD It's literally on my list of favorite movies now.

Anyway, after that whole mess, have some 2007 TMNT quotes as a reward for making it this far lol.

“Did you turn the computer on? Have you plugged it in. Yeah. That would help…”

“No, I’m not playing hard to get! I’m telling you sir, it’s not that kind of phone line!”

“No, I’m not your enemy, I’m just Donnie, you’re friendly IT tech support, here to help you 24 hours a day sir- I’m sorry! Ma’am. Heh.”

“Why couldn’t you send him away for training?”

“Well guys, if you ask me, I’d say this has Winter’s name written all over it.” “How do you figure that?” “Because, THIS has Winter’s name, written all over it.”

“I’m not dreamin, am I?!” “No, Mikey, you’re not dreaming.” “Oh, good. I have nightmares about birthday parties.”

“Donnie, you’re so smart. Why don’t we have jetpacks?” “Yeah, that’s good, Mikey, I don’t even trust you with a drivers license.”

“Well, good news is there’s a bunch of Foot ninjas getting the snot kicked out of them.”

“YEah, the turtles are back, dudes! I’d give us a ten for style, an eight for skill, and, uh, two, for stealth.”

“Dudes, did anyone get the license plate of the thing that hit us last night?”

“Yeah, it looked like your mom, dude!” “Uh, that would make her your mom too, dufus.” … “Yeah, whatever.”

“So it’s like Haleys Comet, but monsters come out.” “Uh, yes, I guess so!” “Heh. I’m smart.” *crashes*

“And that would be the swirling vortex to another world, i assume.” “Cool! I want one.”

“Winters.” “Looks more like Fall. Heh. Get it?” “Mikey, remember our talk.”

“I’m never usually that happy to be in pain.” “He’s happy because he’s mortal again, Mikey.”

“Yeah, I do nothing. You’re right. You got me all figured out.”

“I’m very disappointed in you, knucklehead! Guess night school’s in session!”

“That was too easy! *crash* … Like I said, too easy!”

“Hey, Casey! Meet me on the roof!” “Raph? What is it?” “The roof. You know what a roof is, dontcha?”

“Oh look at you, you’re so cute! Come here, Imma drop kick you to hurty town!”

“You’re gonna need these if you’re gonna lead us out of here.” “We’re gonna need you too.”

“Typical. We do all the work, he gets all the thanks.”

“Ah, I love bein a turtle.”

“Look, Raph, if you’ve got something you wanna get off your shell, now’s the time. But I’m not gonna sit here and debate Splinter’s direct orders with you!”

“Come to daddy.” *literally has like eight sharp objects now"

“What is it with ninjas and smoke pellets?”

“What’s going on Raph?” “Did I mention that we ran into a monster last night?” “No, you kind of FAILED to tell me about THAT one, buddy!”

“And now we got walking statues? You got a plan for those?!” “Hey, those are a first for me too.”

“And I thought Girl Scouts were pushy!”

“Cody is going to break up with Donna. I just know it.” “We interrupt the Gilmore Girls for this special news report. Monsters loose in the city? Strange reports are coming in tonight about a construction site incident that sounds like something out of science fiction.” “BOYS!”

“Raphael. You always bear the world problems on your shoulders. It is an admirable quality when you are a protector of others. But you must realize that while, at times, you may not be my favorite STUDENT, that does not mean that you are my least favorite SON. You are strong, passionate, and loyal to a fault. These are the merits of a great leader as well. But only when tempered with compassion and humility.”

“Sensei! You alright?” “Hehe. We must do this more often!” *whack* “I still got it!”

“Hey, look guys, I grabbed a toaster!” -Tommy

“I love your work ethic, Tommy, you’re an inspiration to us all.” -Gang leader

“Looks like you got a sidekick.” “Yeah, right. You’re the sidekick.”

[dvar-trek]

Happy WiP Wednesday on a Thursday

don't even worry about it! we're good!!

in this edition: injury update, travel update, and new projects 💖

as you may remember, i did hurt myself for realsies knitting in the round on too-small DPNs, and have had to take it really REALLY slow since then, including many days off. i went to the doctor, because things have not been improving (like i had to reconcile the petty cash at work before i left, and gripping the bills to count them was legitimately difficult 🙃), and she said we better test me for rheumatoid arthritis because i am getting to be that age! so we will see what happens. as my friend karla says, i am already a walking inflammation, so. i would prefer to not have more. but also i'm pretty sure i don't have it, because that would involve me having something diagnosable.

anyway in the meantime i'm taking lots of breaks, soaking my hands in warm water, and doing lots of stretches. i started two different projects in the round on circular needles, but that's been extremely slow going. since i'm the world's slowest knitter, i don't do big projects. but that means i'm working pretty small diameters, and the needles are too long to work comfortably, and it puts strain on my grip. not sure how to describe it properly. even when working with a properly sized cable, it ends up feeling stretched too tight, especially when purling—somewhat like this (pic from sheepandstitch dot com):

also, on one of them, the yarn is SO slippery and SO prone to splitting and also i made SUCH a dumb mistake that i frogged the whole thing. but let's not worry about that.

IN THE MEANTIME, i am in the great american middle west for like a week and a half to take care of my brother. it turns out my dad lives in one of the "cool" neighborhoods of the city (aka the school district is not very good, so everyone else moving in is young gay couples). his neighbor who is a trump supporter is moving out, because the neighborhood is getting too "woke" for her (aka people have put up pride flags and BLM signs).

here's the project i brought with me for my downtime (not that i'm going to have any):

and here's the ravelry link. i'm using Lang Regina yarn on US 5 square needles (bought one set of these square needles in a relatively small size to see if they help me at all—stay tuned).

this ended up being the perfect project for me right now! it's worked flat, so i'm not dealing with the wrist strain of circs as discussed above. it's tiny (i'm doing 37 st across) and a suuuuuper simple lace pattern that works up quick, so even i (the world's slowest knitter, as previously stated) feel like i'm making progress after only a few minutes. the pattern is a 4-row repeat that's easy to memorize, and after you've done about 3 repeats, it is immediately obvious where in the pattern you are just by lookin, which makes it perfect for travel, as you can pick it up and put it down at a moment's notice. i've also been experimenting with frequent swapping between english style and continental style, so that i'm not straining one set of muscles the entire time, and this pattern turns out to be great for that. the right side has all the increases and decreases, all of which are worked knit-wise, which i'm finding easier to do english-style. and the wrong side has all the quick switches between knit and purl (eg k3, p1, k1, p2, etc), which is much faster to work continental-style.

i think it's pretty likely that i'll end up with second-mitt syndrome, but hopefully it'll be a quick enough knit that i can power through.

also working on:

-remembering how to drive (i will GET there please do not honk at me for the next two days THANKS) -cooking every day (😭) since my brother can't really cook much -the to-do list my dad left me, which is. extensive. and includes things like "plant half of the potatoes in the dish on the counter and save the other half until i get back because there's debate about the best time to plant in this area so i want to test it out. make sure you pick the sproutiest ones to plant and leave the others so they have time to get sprouty before we plant them." -my actual job (a little)

since i'm not home and my dad "has too much going on already" to have a pet, you don't get a bonus pic this week ✌

[p1nksphynx]

The Unlove Story of a Misfit and a Monster Chpt. 1

The clouds swirled around me in the sky, lazily. The distant sound of a PE class was distorting and vibrating in my ears.  Grass was itchy, my brain alerted me, the faint burning of it brushing against my exposed skin told me I would be red and unhappy later.  A breathy laugh tumbled out of my chest as a cloud above me changed into another funny shape.  My brain seemed to be floating in my own head, bobbing and dipping beneath the surface of whatever chemical cocktail I had chosen this time.  Not that I really paid much attention anymore. 

I was more concerned with the effect at this point.  Something to slow down my mind and give me a sense of euphoria.  If you can't make your own serotonin, I thought, store bought was fine.  Though, my musing was cut short when a shadow overtook the slow moving entertainment above me.  "Gonzalez, we can't keep doing this." Ms. Hayes was rather resigned, based on her voice, which drew out a dazed giggle from me as I offered a smile that was too large. 

"I'll be in detention, don't you worry." My voice was tight from restraint, laughter held tightly in my chest threading to burst.

Laugh lines and crow's feet, she smiled a lot and meant it, how nice.  She must be a naturally happy person.  Though, she certainly wasn't smiling now. "That's what I'm worried about.  Look, I got a favor to ask you later.  Maybe we can strike a deal." She sighed and left, the bell followed. 

There was an internal debate about even bothering with my next class, but then I remembered it was lunch.  Which was as good a reason as any to get up. 

The world began to feel real again a few hours later, when I walked into detention.  My body ached and the branding of grass left on my skin was driving me slightly crazy.  The flickering LED tiles above me hummed far too loudly, and I found myself fighting off a twitch.  Ms. Hayes was flipping through a manila folder, her face staying securely on her head and not sliding or warping like it did when I was typically under the influence. 

Her eyes met mine and a shadow crossed them for a second, but I was too sluggish to remember what I saw.  "No detention today.  I need a favor from you, and I'll count it as you doing your time." Her mouth was set into a hard line.  On the one hand, hell yes no detention, on the other hand, no air-conditioned place to recover from my trip.

"And the favor?" My voice didn't even sound like my voice at this point, gross.  Her hand held out the folder she was just looking at. 

"Just drop this off at the address on the folder.  Ryan Ishida hasn't been to class in a while, and he should at least have the material if he decides to show up." Her voice carried the same resigned sound as when she found me in the field today. 

She definitely did too much as a homeroom teacher, like hunting me down and sending me to drop this crap off for a no show.  I at least made it to campus before I fucked off.  Though internally I was jealous.  My mom made me go through the theater of getting to school.  I would have preferred just staying home like this Ishida kid. 

"Fine." I muttered as I turned to stalk off.  My next mood swing was dangling over the conversation like a blade. 

"Maya!" My name was said as a warning from her. 

My face warmed, she didn't sound mad.  I was definitely ignoring the fact she was cutting me way too much slack.  I looked over my shoulder. "Thanks... Ms. Hayes." I got a smile back for my troubles, but I stalked off anyway.  The familiar buildings of the campus loomed overhead as I left, passing through the gates felt as though I were entering the real world once again.

Uniforms, just like mine, swam about.  Faces shadowed in my vision, my skin crawled as my mind imagined a sea of eyes locked on me.  Fuck, I needed out of here fast.  How long could it even take to find this place?

The sun was starting to dip, casting the sky in a pinkish-orange hue.  The sound of my, unnecessarily expensive, uniform loafers sounded grating to the ear.  "ARGH FUCK!" My head dipped back as I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes.  "Why the hell do these buildings all look the same?  I've been out here forever!” 

The manila folder crinkled slightly in my tight grip as I pulled it from my book bag roughly.  The numbers stared back at me mockingly, they didn't match any of the surrounding ones.  Fuck, I was nowhere near Ryan's house.  Why the hell did Ms. Hayes send me, of all people, after the no-show? 

Eventually I gave up, and began wandering aimlessly.  Ms. Hayes would just have to find some other lackey to do her dirty work.  Why would I give a shit if some ghost does his homework or not?  "Are you from school?" A man's voice, it froze me in place as I slowly turned my head. 

He was a young man, probably in his mid-twenties, a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips as he stood in front of a house.  He had a broom clutched lightly in one hand, an apron hanging off him, being taken by the breeze caught my attention, as did the bandana tied on his head.  This man looked like a housewife.  My face felt too warm, and I gripped the folder in my hand tighter.  "Yeah..." I sounded more tense than I intended.  I felt caught somehow. 

The man cocked his head to the side, ever so slightly, as he seemed to study me.  My shoulders drew up to my ears, a tightness drawing up my body like a bow string.  "Ryan's inside, but I doubt he'd want to see you.  Just wait a second." He said as he turned to enter the home.  I crossed the gate into the walkway, and my memory filled in the blanks. 

By some luck, or lack thereof, I had landed right in front of the Ishida home. 

That however was my last concern as the front door slammed open, and I suddenly felt myself being hoisted up by the collar of my uniform.  I was by no means easy to lift.

My feet could no longer feel the reassuring stability of concrete and I felt my voice be left on the ground as though it fell from my pocket.  My hand closed over his, my hair falling about my face.  What was this?  Who was this?

"I'm not fucking going!  If I see you around here again, I'll kick your-" Ryan's face went from enraged to shocked as I looked down at him.  He didn't seem to be expecting me to be on the other end of his grip.  Whatever words I might have said had been lost forever once he hoisted me into the air. 

Again, before I had a chance to react, I came crashing into the concrete walkway.  Pain bloomed in my tailbone, and I was looking up into the eyes I had just a second ago looked down into.  "Jeez, what's your problem?" I gasped out, my hand pressing into my skirt to apply pressure to my butt.  A poor attempt at soothing myself.

Ryan's face went red, his hands twitching as he held them up.  Pink lips sputtered and spit, trying to get some words out.  Ryan's eyes were dark, almost black, widened with what looked like fear, briefly.  "I'm not going back, so you can fuck off!" He shouted, his voice raised an octave as he turned and pushed past the first man into the house.  I looked up at the male wife from my spot on the floor, confusion pouring off my body.

After seeing Ryan, the similarities between the two were more apparent.  Same dark eyes, similar angular features. The unnamed man offered me a hand and a weak smile.  "Sorry about Ryan, I didn't think he'd run down here.  I'm Lee, his older brother.  Do you want to come inside?  That looked like it hurt." He seemed apologetic and embarrassed enough that I couldn't do much but nod and let him help me up.

I didn't even bother looking around.  My ass was still sore from being dropped, but at least their couch was better than concrete.  The earthen cup in my hand was warm, and the smell of tea was soothing, even if I hadn't taken a sip yet.  Fresh, and light.  "Thanks…for the tea." I pushed the words out of my mouth, and immediately regretted it.  I sounded meek as hell.  It was just so hard when people were nice.  It felt like I had to be nice back.

Lee hadn't looked up from the folder yet, which looked trashed now.  How embarrassing, Ms. Hayes asked me to do something so simple, and I did it as sloppy as possible.  Crap, why did I even care?  I only did it to get out of detention.

"You're welcome.  So you came here in place of Lydia?"  His eyes met mine again as he spoke, and I felt the need to look elsewhere.

"So that's her name?  Yeah, she asked me for a favor.  Don't know why she couldn't do it herself." My words were almost squashed by the way I pursed my lips as I spoke.  My hands tightened around the cup in my grip.  Lee chuckled, and I pressed the rim to my lips and gulped down the hot tea without thinking, only wanting to wash down the feeling of being put on the spot.  However, I was scalded.  I pulled away from the cup, my poor, burned mouth falling open to bring in cool air.

It was only a second before I attempted to look normal once more.  "Because last time she was here, she asked Ryan to come back to school.  You can probably guess how that went, based on your experience with him." Lee didn't stop smiling, even as he spoke those words.  There were no creases around his eyes, meaning it was a mask of politeness.

"Yeah, I could see why she might be reluctant to return."

Lee didn't really respond.  I decided that was enough for me. The cup made a soft knock on the coffee table, I stood to my full height and let my hands slide over my uniform.  I felt uncharacteristically self-conscious of my appearance.  "Well, thanks for the tea.  I'll be heading out now." Why did I even bother with the goodbye?  Lee had a look on his face, like he was going to say something to me.  The anticipation was enough to drive me out of the house faster.

My loafers tapped on the concrete as I walked off with purpose.  I'd rather do detention a thousand times over than ever go through something like that again.  Ryan could just come to school and get his homework.  Being babied by Ms. Hayes and his male-wife-brother weren't doing the kid any favors.

There wasn't much concern at the time for exactly where I was heading, I just knew I had to get away from anything Ishida before I tore my skin off.  

"Sorry about earlier, I thought you were…someone else." Said a voice, right next to my ear.  My body was suddenly two feet away from where I last remembered, a shrill screech tore its way from my chest as I had apparently leapt away from Ryan.  He looked at me like he couldn't fathom why I was scared.

The memory of being hoisted into the air, and then looking up into his fearful red face flashed over my eyes.  "When the hell did you get there?" I was still shrill, my heart beating so fast.  I had been sober for way too long at this point, that much was obvious.

"Not long.  My brother said I should walk you home…" He answered so casually, his hands linked together behind his head.  His hair was dark, and shaggy.  It fell into his eyes and he didn't bother to sweep it out.  Nothing he said made sense, but he spoke with a confidence that made it seem like it was supposed to.  Maybe to him, it did.

"No need." My pace increased as I walked ahead.  I needed to get home, get that floaty feeling and leave my body behind.

"So, you dropped off my schoolwork.  Kinda like how friends do in the shows, huh?"  Ryan was matching my pace with no sweat.  I debated bursting into a full sprint.

"Yeah, whatever."  I muttered as I tried walking as fast I could manage without jogging off.  No doubt he'd just follow me, but maybe he'd get the hint first.

"Oh, so…we're like friends, yeah?" He sounded too cheerful.  My feet refused to move as I was caught off guard by his shy smile.  This was the same guy who lifted me with one arm, right?

"No." I didn't have time for this.

Ryan's smile faltered for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing as if he were genuinely perplexed by my response. But then, as if a switch flipped, his expression changed back to that easy going demeanor. "Ah, got it. Just checking," he said, as if my outright rejection was nothing more than a passing comment.

I didn't bother to respond, quickening my pace once more, hoping to put some distance between us. However, it seemed Ryan was determined to keep up, his footsteps falling in line with mine with an annoying consistency.

"So, what's your name?" he asked, as if we were engaging in some friendly banter rather than me desperately trying to escape his presence.

I sighed inwardly, feeling a headache starting to throb behind my temples. "Maya," I muttered, not bothering to look at him.

"Maya, huh? Cool name," he remarked, sounding genuinely interested.

I gritted my teeth, frustration bubbling up inside me. Why wouldn't he just leave me alone? "Look, Ryan, I know what your brother said, but I don't need an escort.  I can make my way home, just fine. Alone."

To my surprise, Ryan stopped walking, his expression turning serious. "Hey, wait a minute. I thought maybe we could be friends or something.  It's not every day someone tries to help me out, you know?"

I paused, turning to face him with a skeptical gaze. "Help you out? I dropped off your homework because Ms. Hayes practically begged me to. It's not like I did it out of the goodness of my heart," I replied, my tone sharp.

Ryan scratched the back of his head, a sheepish grin spreading across his face. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But still, I appreciate it."

"Sure, I'm a fucking saint." The words were spat under my breath.

"Great! So, uh, can I walk you home then?" Ryan asked, his hopeful expression was painfully earnest.

I hesitated, he had followed me this far already.  He didn't seem all that dangerous now, despite our earlier encounter.  A sigh of defeat rolled from my lips. "Sure, why not," I finally relented, knowing that I wouldn't have to deal with him again after this.

Ryan's face lit up with excitement, and we fell into step together, the awkward tension from earlier settling over us. As we walked, he said nothing, as though not expecting to have gotten this far.

Occasionally we passed others, his behavior changing from dopey freak, to overbearing guard dog as he glared at passing strangers.  He had slowly gotten closer to me, so much so that there were maybe a few inches between us as we walked.  Ryan's chin hovered over my head as he scanned around us.  I knew I wasn't tall, but this guy easily towered over me.

"Hey, chill out.  You're scaring people." I ordered firmly, grabbing the back of his hood to pull him away from the passerby he was glaring daggers at.  Ryan seemed to freeze before turning back to me and flashing a toothy grin.

"What are you talking about?  I'm just looking out for my friend!" His canines were more pronounced than a person's normally were.  He gave off the vibe of an untrained dog, barking and growling at the mailman but wagging his tail at his master.

"Just quit glaring at everyone, you're slowing us down." The stretch of my shoulders was not very comfortable as they slumped forward.  “And we're not fucking friends.” My protest sounded weak to my own ears.  He smiled, he could be so bright one moment and then have his face darkening the next.  This guy was a mystery, no wait, he was a headache.

It seemed this walk would stretch out forever, but at least Ryan had calmed down some.

The evening began to slip into night as the sunset turned the sky lavender, and the streetlights came on.  We finally came to my apartment building, and I could see the light was on in my unit.  My mother was home, great.  My head was tilted up, and a shiver rolled through me, probably from the night air.  "You're cold." Ryan murmured as he placed his hoodie over my shoulders.  I jumped, staring back at him as his eyebrows met on his forehead.

"No!" I yelped, before wincing at the sound of my own voice.  My hands gripped at his hoodie before shoving it back into his hands. "I mean… I'm fine," I didn't even bother with eye contact.  He needed to be gone.  "Besides, I'm already home, so you can head back."

Ryan tried a friendly goodbye, but I had already walked off.  All I wanted was for this day to be over.  Things would be normal again tomorrow, and I was definitely never doing anything for Ms. Hayes again, that snake.  She knew Ryan was a crazy weirdo, and she still sent me.

"Babosa, gorda, you're late!" My mother called from the kitchen, as I walked into the apartment.  The air was thick with chili peppers, mom's salsa was as dangerous as it was delicious, and I began coughing immediately.  “I had to pick up the twins and Jessica from Doña Jaquis today, I told you this morning they needed to be picked up when you get home!”

My mother poked her head out from the kitchen and shot me a sharp glare, my own coffee dark eyes starting into hers.  A matching set.  I was, in fact, later than usual, but only because I was sent on that dumb fucking errand for my teacher.  There would be an interrogation from my mother for sure, but I would cross that bridge when I got there.

"Ack!  You trying to kill me, Ma?" I wheezed as I tried to shuffle to my room.  My mom shouted a few more things to me, but I hardly caught them as I closed the door behind me.

My body landed on my bed with a harsh thud, pressing all the air out of my lungs.  The rattling of my things followed as my hand blindly pulled open the drawer on my nightstand, searching for sweet relief.  There was a tremor, barely there, in my fingers as they closed around the cool surface of my vape.  My thumb clicked that sweet little button twice, and I lifted my head as I felt it warm in my hand.

My lips closed around the tip, molding around the tapered ceramic opening like it was a lifeline.  Sweet, earthy vapor filled my mouth and lungs, I felt that tight coil of tension in my body unravel slightly.  I had been without for too long.  The world spun as I rolled onto my back, hooded eyes watching the vapor climb into the air and disappear

"Fuck I needed that." I sighed into the empty room, taking in the lighter-than-air sensation that flooded me not long after.  There was chaos outside my door, the sound of my siblings running and yelling throughout the apartment.  Typical for us.  I just needed a few minutes to get right, be me again.

"Mimis, ama said you need to set the table!" My sister, Jessica, shouted as she ran into my room, uninvited.  A pillow I had launched smacked her dead on the face as I sat up in bed.  Her dark braids looked like Medusa snakes, and it was obvious she had been wrestling with the boys again.  The pillow fell to the ground, revealing her smudged and angry face.  For being only nine, she was practically a bar brawler.

"Kika, I told you not to just walk in!" My growl was hardly threatening, my buzz had settled in, and I really didn't have it in me to be mad.  Kika threw the pillow back at me, her flat little nose wrinkled in anger.  Her rounded cheeks bunched up, and she drew in her shoulders.  I hopped off my bed and shoved her out of the room before she could attack me.

Her little fists pounded in my door for a little while before I heard her stomp off.  I took a quick moment to get changed out of my uniform and head to the kitchen to do what I was tasked.  The boys, Josesito and Nacho, wove around me as they chased each other, and I of course expressed my disapproval of their games.  Not that they cared or listened.

My mom said nothing to me as I entered the kitchen, opting for the silent treatment for my lateness at the moment.  The lines on her face only appeared when she was mad.  Her skin was hardly wrinkled, pulled taut by the same weight that I also carried on my body.  Though I was a shade darker than her light olive tone, we did look a lot alike.  Too much, in my opinion.

Her eyes landed on as I retrieved the dishes, her hands busied with cooking.  I could tell, by the way they lingered on my curly hair, she was thinking of telling me to brush it.  No doubt there was still grass in it from earlier today.  I could admit, this time, it was a mess.  Normally, however, she just demanded I brush it because she didn't seem to understand my hair type, since hers was straight as a pin.

Kika and I were in a constant battle with our curly tresses, which made me remind myself to fix her braids later.

"Food time!" I shouted as I made sure there were enough plates.  The small army of my siblings rushed in, Kika, the twins, and the oldest, Armando, though we just called him Tantan.  Everyone took their seat, the younger ones chattered amongst themselves, while both Tantan and I communicated with each other silently.

The look on his face told me he probably wanted to take a walk, code for us going to buy more recreational fun.  Mom hadn't said a word to me all through dinner.  Bite after bite, the food just disappeared in me.  My appetite didn't seem to be satiated, and every flavor was intense.  The distance between the fork and my mouth seemed to stretch and shrink.

"Dinner's been great, ama.  But I'm stuffed, me and Mimis should go walk it off." My head darted up from my meal, surprised that the dinner was ending already.  Time seemed to slip by, unnoticed.

"Mimis is staying here.  I have to talk to her." My mother's voice was calm…a bad omen.  Her eyes were locked on to me as she spoke to my brother, and a chill ran down my spine.

"Come on, ama.  It's just a walk, besides, you said Mimis was putting on weight.  Esta gorda, let her walk." Tantan shot me a smirk, and I was still struggling to catch up.

The younger siblings, the thirteen-year-old twins vs the nine-year-old brawler, broke out into a fight over some nonsense that had my mother looking tired.  She said nothing more to us, just giving a frustrated and dismissive wave.  Tantan needed nothing more as he dragged me from the apartment into the cold night air.

"You didn't have to call me fat." I grumbled as I leaned into his shoulder as we walked, my footsteps feeling like I were moving in twos like some stop-motion puppet.  Tantan gave a half-hearted shove, trying to keep me from putting my weight on him, but it was easy to see he didn't mean it.

"Don't be fat then, Mimis." He grunted, giving another and less effective shove.  My head wobbled as we walked, eyes feeling as though they were spinning.  The air was chilled, and I hadn't realized until I gave a shiver.  "Don't be dumb, either."

My world went dark temporarily, my brother shoved his sweater over my head, I hadn't realized what was going on just yet and fought against him.  "Dude, what the hell?" I yelped, my arms flailing and eliciting a curse from Tantan when they struck anything solid.

"Pendeja!" Tantan's face was twisted in irritation while my head popped through the neck hole.  My thick hair was tangled from my struggle, and I tried to rake my fingers through the mess as I shrugged into the sweater completely.  A firm smack landed to the back of my head, courtesy of Tantan, and we started moving again.

The neighborhood grew darker and deeper, as we wandered from the streetlights.  Streetlights became farther apart, the kind of place that had people on edge if they were from around the area.  Soon, tents made their presence known on the sidewalk, and I kept my eyes forward.  Tantan walked closer to me, his eyes scanning the dark streets, and yet he still remained relaxed.  “Almost there right?” I sighed, playing with the too-long sleeves of his sweater, pulling up where the elastic on the bottom became tight on my hips. “We’re literally right here, Mimis, impatient as fuck.” Tantan grabbed a hold of my arm and dragged me to the apartment complex, a chorus of dogs began barking from inside their respective homes, sensing that visitors were near.  When we finally got to the door, the faded numbers printed on it became the perfect target for my brother to beat his fist against, trying to get the attention of the person we came to see.  “Pulga, open up.”

The door slid open, with Pulga on the other end, more my brother’s friend than mine, but the man who usually provided us with what we needed.  “Bout time, you said you’d be here by eight.” Pulga grunted, causing Tantan to smile at him with that fake ass charm no one else seemed to see through but me.

“My bad man, Mimis,” Tantan’s eyes shot to me as he threw me under the bus, easily, “got us held up.”  I opened my mouth to defend myself before deciding it wasn’t worth it.  I didn’t give a fuck about what Pulga though about me anyway.

“Me vale madre, just come in.” Pulga opened the door completely, and we shuffled in, Tantan with confidence and me with reluctance.  We tossed ourselves on the couch, the plastic squeaking beneath the throw blankets tossed on top.  The smell of cologne and cleaning products caused my eyes to water slightly as Pulga walked into his kitchen, only to return with two sodas in one hand and a box tucked under his arm.  He pulled a chair to sit near Tantan and that's when the difference between them became most obvious.  Where my brother was broad, with a rounded face and features similar to my own, Pulga was slim with a straight nose that reminded me of the portraits of generic Native American braves that decorated the apartment, courtesy of Pulga’s grandmother.  The slick black braid that ran over Pulga’s shoulder contrasted with the curly hair that bounced just below Tantan’s chin, no one could ever mistake them for family. “Just an eighth, not trying to stock up.” Tantan muttered as the earthy smell of weed filled the room as Pulga opened a jar he got from the box.  A small scale followed, and I eyed the process from the corner of my eye.  I preferred it when Pulga had carts for my vape, easier to bring with me around town, but Tantan was old school. The glass bottle in my hands had gone slightly warm as I held on to it.  Absently, Tantan grabbed it from me and proceeded to open it with the ring on his index finger, how he did that I had no idea.  My hands clasped onto my soda again as my brother shoved it back into my palms, and I muttered a thanks that sounded anything but grateful.  This whole thing felt like it was taking forever, and the burn of the carbonation against my lips didn’t distract me enough. It seemed that thought alone had managed to speed things up, and Tantan handed Pulga a bunch of folded bills in return for the bag of greenery.  I followed behind my brother at a slower pace, watching as he walked out of the door first.

“Mimis, I got more by the way.” Pulga’s voice was hushed, as he pushed a smaller bag into my hands, my thumb pressed against the dried mushrooms housed in the plastic.  “You still owe me for the last one.” his eyes were intense, and I felt my shoulders draw up.  My hand dug into my pockets, handing him a wad of crumpled up bills. “Dude, Tantan’s like right outside.  I would have come later, just-, here.” It wasn’t everything, I hadn’t expected him to confront me right away.  It wasn’t like I was dodging him, it was just that a lot had been going on lately… well, a lot of nothing, really.  Pulga’s stare softened, counting the bills easily. “You’re lucky I don’t tell him what you're doing, just relieved you’re not going to some stranger.” He muttered, I rolled my eyes as I made my way to his apartment door. “No one’s stranger than you, Pulga.” It was all I gave as a goodbye, meeting up with Tantan as he looked at me questioningly but said nothing.  That was rare for him.  He loved opening his big mouth.

We made our way back in easy silence, going our separate ways at the door of the apartment.  I still wasn’t used to watching him walk away.  Ama lets him come back, because it's easier than apologizing, but both are too stubborn for Tantan to ever move back. There was no fear on my part about my mother’s ominous threats of needing to talk to from earlier, her snores practically reverberated throughout the house when we came home, so I was scott free for now.  

My bed was welcoming and warm, I took another few puffs on my vape to help me get some sleep, but that was interrupted with Kika storming in at some point, braids even more undone since the last time I saw her, no doubt the work of another tussle with the twins.  “Jessica, c’mere.” I ordered sitting up as she stomped her way over to me, plopping herself between my thigh roughly.  We said little more as I undid and redid her braids, another oddity, seeing as she was prone to whining about her braids being too tight or me pulling her hair when I definitely wasn’t.  Perhaps it was the fact I called her Jessica, that had her so quiet, it was rare I used her given name, so she must have sensed I wasn't really in the mood to talk or play around much. A pang of guilt twisted in my gut, despite the age difference, Kika and I were close. The only girls in the family had to stick together. "There you go Kika, try not to get in too many fights. Mom's pissed enough with me as it is, don't get her on your case too."

“She was really mad when you and Tantan left.  She says you two are exactly the same.” Her voice was soft, almost sullen.  “What if you get kicked out too?” My muscles tensed, so that’s what she was thinking about?  I wanted to reassure her, but the words couldn’t form.  “Well, then, I’ll just have to take you with me.” My voice was as normal as I could make it.  Kika’s newly done braids whipped around, and I dodged them easily.

“You will?” Her eyes were wide, hopeful even.  My fingers mushed into her face as I pushed it away from me.

“Yeah, and the twins too.  We’ll all get a house together.”

[cinnbar-bun]

how do you deal with loneliness 🥲 i’ve lost a lot of my friends or become distant w a lot of ppl esp because i don’t have an online presence any longer and it’s been difficult accepting that my past online friends have moved on, and i’ve also recently left school as well so i’ve fallen out of contact w a lot of people 🥲

It is very difficult, I won’t deny that. I mostly did that work during the pandemic but what I can recommend is taking it easy on yourself. Every day is a new day, and you shouldn’t judge or give up on yourself so easily. Hell, even now, sometimes I can get overcome with loneliness despite having friends.

Get involved with what you like and try new things. Focus on rediscovering who you personally are and what you like. When you’re alone, guess what, you get to do whatever you want! I often went to the mall and would just wander into every store, for example. It’s silly but I found out I loved Vera Bradley (and got one of their cute travel sets). I then went to a sushi restaurant and ordered some new rolls I hadn’t before.

Another day I went to the museum and looked at the collection of violins and chairs they had and debated if I would like those kinds of chairs in my house. I then went to a cafe and ordered a creme brûlée they had because I love creme brûlée but no one else does.

Another day I went to an art fair a city holds annually. I didn’t care too much for the abstract art, but there was this one artist who did glow in the dark scenery. Another artist was blind but would paint mini animals. A woman drew lots of birds (and I even bought some postcards of them because I loved them so much).

Life is really good, even if you explore it by yourself. Actually taking part in your life and the world around you seriously can help you deal with your loneliness and make you understand yourself more. Go see a movie by yourself, go take a walk around the shops around you, maybe volunteer, perhaps even just go and try a new recipe that interested you. Go look up or research something that you’ve been wanting to, go collect something that makes you happy, go to your local library or shops. Practice meditation or write something you want.

After a while, I stopped feeling lonely or like I “needed” someone with me at all times, because I realized, no, I’m actually a pretty cool person and I can do fun things by myself! And that in turn made my friends want to hang out more with me and also made me get more friends- because now I wasn’t clingy or desperate for someone, but I was comfortable with being alone and was comfortable with myself.

Just remember to take it easy. Appreciate life, especially the little things- you are awesome and you CAN do this! And it’s not bad to feel lonely or sad either, we all feel that, and that doesn’t mean you failed. It just means you’re working hard, and that’s a good thing. Best wishes for you, darling 💖

[chickkenoyevsky]

Doodles and words.

I have been staring at my laptop for two hours. My friends were texting me. I could see them floating on my notifications but I didn't want to answer them for now. What if I disappear for a while and make myself erase the memories I don't want to remember anymore.

Sometimes I feel sad for the people who left. I wonder what would have happened if I tried to do things a bit differently. But wouldn't that be a drift from my sense of being. If I could just nod and act I agree, would that be any different? What I chose to be quiet was to stand up for the people who never took my sides when I needed someone to do the same for me. I could have stayed muted. But wouldn't that weighted on my mind one by one to make myself breathless.

I don't like noises. I made an empty plane inside my head. People though tend to disagree and say I am a chaotic mess. They love to debate for sure. I could be an easy scapegoat or someone who would never learn. However, it's a topic for another discussion.

As I said, I have been staring at my laptop for a while. I wanted to write some words to let people know I achieved something after a very long time. I thought it would make me happy but why do I feel so empty. I tried to put my thoughts into words but it looks so pretentious. 'Hard work, sleepless nights'- I find them cheesy. Isn't it always the survival of the fittest. Either you survive or you get perished.

I thought things would go pretty differently. It's not like I was expecting something. People are ambitious but we still cherish hugs, letters, and photo frames with friends. All smiling. I don't expect too much. I am happy with some words of affirmation.

I am leaving my home country. I am 24. I know I have a world to see. My best friend once showed me a movie. I loved it when they said, "The world is bigger than we know." It's scary. It's sad. It's awesome. It's adventurous. I wish I could let my best friend know that I am leaving. But, hey, something life makes you dirty. And she is no longer in contact with me. I guess, you outgrow people. But wouldn't that be great if they would bade me a goodbye rather than knowing from a random source that we are not living in the same continent anymore. It's a hard rule of life- you must outgrow people. And move on. I hope I really move on. I would fold the papers and keep them well hidden in a closet.

You lose friends when you change, you lose friends when your values aren't aligned, you lose friends when they find out you like someone from the same sex or maybe you lose friends when you come out as trans. You might even lose friends when you don't believe in God. You don't believe in angels. You lose friends when you protect them and take all the blame. You lose friends when you really get close to them and feel yourself suffocating. It's what codependency does to you.

Then you don't feel like watching the same show, you used to talk with them about it. You don't listen to the same songs because they used to love it. It's not like you are repulsed. It becomes your effort to move on and find something new that no longer reminds you of them. Then, you find songs, new bands, new movies, new anime, and they don't know you anymore.

You become a new person. You either fall in love with solitude or you make new friends. You learn to set your boundaries better. You know when to protect them. When to walk away. You make a new world. You grow with the plants you bought. Then, one day you might see them in a strange place and walk past them. Quietly.

[day-poems]

4/4

I am getting back into the swing

of processing my India photos.

For days there I was just too sick.

And I am realizing I took a lot more

photos than I remember taking.

Part of it has to do with maybe

bringing the wrong computing device.

For years there I was essentially

a one computer guy (always discounting

my phone)…with my iPad Pro being

my do-it-all machine. Basically if

I could not do on my iPad it did

not get done. But then, after my

December trip to Costa Rica and

seeing what some of the others

were doing with lightroom on a

laptop, I broke down and bought

a MacAir. Entry level, latest cpu.

And while I did not end up settling

on lightroom (too expensive and

no better than the alternatives),

I did find the richer feature set

and better tools of the Mac version

of Pixelmator (Pixelmator Pro) to

be quite addictive. I know I can make

a better finished image from the

same file on the MacAir now…and

I had a big debate with myself

on which to bring to India. In the

end I decided the iPad was more

compact and that I only needed

to process a few photos for daily

posting while traveling…so the

MacAir stayed home. Which meant,

of course, that that is just what I did.

I only processed a few photos each

day, knowing that I would go back

over even those on the MacAir with

Pixelmator Pro when I got home.

Which means that there are thousands

of photos from India on my iCloud

account now that I have barely looked at,

many of which, honestly, I do not

remember taking. Opening Photos is

like a new adventure every day.

At the same time I feel totally out

of sync with myself. Did the same

person who is discovering and processing

these new photos daily actually take them?

Or did someone else go to India in my

place and take all these photos? Yeah.

Not quite that bad, but I do feel a bit

disassociated. Still I am going to try

to just enjoy it…to let the processing

be a whole new adventure. I mean

what else can I do? It is way to late

to ask for my money back.

[ratwife77]

Part 2 same warnings

…

 Eventually, I came out of my thoughts, and the gang was splitting. Two-Bit was probably off to get drunk and play pool or something with who knows who. Steve was looking for anything to do but go home, because his old man would kick him out or yell or ignore him. I understood him, and I called a goodbye to both him and Two-Bit. I debated going to the lot to sleep or crashing with Dally, and I decided on the lot. I dug Dally, but I wouldn’t want to bother him none. I hurried off before Pony could invite me or something. I didn’t want to be someone that anyone else had to take care of. The next day, I met Dal and Pone under a blinking street light, barely aglow anymore. It reminded me of myself in a way that disturbed me, in a way that I didn’t want to think of. Its blinking could stop any moment, and so could mine. What if I just quit? Shaking my head, I tried to get rid of the thought. I set my mind on Dally and Pony, ready to go to the drive-in or anything, as long as my mind would just shut up. Sometimes, I wished I had an off switch and could make my mind go blank. It would’ve been helpful then, I think. Kicking a rock, I buried all my thoughts and focused on that instead. The way it sounded when it hit the ground and fell into a gutter. Anyway. The corner of Pickett and Sutton was average, but I remember how Dally looked. His eyes were harsh, as if to cut the world around him. His hair was white-blond, but it was darker at the roots. It fell over his eyes in wisps, and it ran down to his neck, a bit of a mess. He never bothered with grease, and he had told me that he didn’t like the feel. Blowing smoke into the night, he seemed like he was distracted, but I doubted it. He had a dangerous look about him. Pony’s were memorable too- green like life. He was in his own world, not grounded, but if anyone was alive, he was. He wasn’t innocent, sure, but he was good on a level that was surprising. He had so much going against him, but he had his brothers and he was doin’ pretty well. He looked a lot like his brothers. They were all handsome in a way that was unique to them. In a minute or two, we walked into the shopping center, going to the drugstore inside to goof around. We had bought Cokes for the three of us, and we messed with the waitress, blowing straws at her. Maybe we had been looking too closely at things lying around, but whatever it was, the manager told us to beat it, wise enough to know where that was headed. Dal had gotten somethin’, though, hiding it under his jacket easily, with an experience that most either feared or respected.

Outsiders from Johnny’s perspective

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55868605

usual Outsiders warnings. Suicidal ideation (will get kind of detailed in later chapters), violence, etc

please give me criticism, but main thing is just that you enjoy, I hope whoever’s reading likes this

That day, I had probably been off on my own, at the lot or something. Soon enough, things got crazy, as Ponyboy had been jumped. He was taken care of and all, but Darry told him off. I didn’t want what happened to me to happen to him, but I wish he didn’t have to watch out. Tulsa, and who knows where else- people like us, greasers, we’re targeted. It bummed Pony out, and me too, but it hurt him the most. He couldn’t get over it, and sometimes I felt like it was childish, saying the world wasn’t fair, but I knew it wasn’t right. It had messed with all of us, and I wondered if it’d ever end. Answering my own question, I knew it wouldn’t, but all we could do was try to do what we could with what we had. Ultimately, we’d always be cut down. I found my feet moving without thought, keeping up with the others till we got to the Curtises. Quickly, the tension in the otherwise warm home grew thick enough to be cut with a knife as Darry, Soda, and Pone began to argue. All I could do was stay quiet, there. Any interference made things worse, added fuel to the fire. Changing the subject, Dal piped up easily, “Speakin’ of movies,” he yawned, then continued after flicking his cigarette, “I’m walking over to the Nightly Double tomorrow night. Anybody want to come and hunt some action?” Steve replied with something about him and Soda going to a game, and I looked between Steve and Pony as the tension rose again. Sometimes, Steve saw Pone as a tag along. Pony, obviously, wasn’t always like that, so he took offense to Steve’s nasty look. I think Steve was jealous of Pony getting Soda’s attention, but Pone had a skewed view of himself. He took it personally, ‘cause he didn’t seem to think people liked him. Feeling like that- I understood him, and I stuck by his side. Suddenly, Darry interjected with something about work. I felt awful for him, having a lot on his shoulders, and the responsibility crushed a lot of opportunities for him. Pony couldn’t quite see it for what it was, so they tended to argue. I just hoped that they would figure things out, because I knew that they both cared about each other. Interrupting my thoughts, Pony answered for the both of us about going with Dally. I was glad for that, because I hadn’t been paying attention, and I didn’t really feel like talkin’. Darry said he could go, and I wasn’t surprised, ‘cause he wasn’t the most strict on him going out. He may’ve had him on a tight leash as far as school and all, but he meant well. I didn’t ever try to convince Pone, because I knew they’d have to work it out themselves, and he wouldn’t take me seriously. Dally updated us all on Sylvia, and they had broken up again. She had two-timed him. Honestly, I wished Dally could find someone who really loved him. But it ain’t like any good girls would give us a chance. Sylvia had even tried hittin’ on me once, but Steve chased her off. Dally deserved better than whatever he had made up in his head about it all. He was gallant, and all he could think of himself was that he was a hood. Well, he was good, and he could be better, but I knew he never would. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s one of the best people I’ve ever met, but he’d just accepted that for himself. Tryin’ to convince him otherwise would be like trying to control the sea; it simply didn’t do any good, ineffective. I think we could all be that way sometimes, but Dal would get what he wanted till the end. I swallowed hard. At least he had that. All I was, all the worth I brought.. they all thought of me as a pet, at best. I was someone to be protected, and I didn’t feel sixteen. I’d never have thought that I’d make it even that far, and sometimes I wished I hadn’t. In my messy thoughts, I couldn’t make sense of what was reasonable or not. I wanted to clear my head, smoke.

Tumblr is being stupid and not saving so this is part one part two will be in the reblogs

[gabriel-d-artemius]

Mistakes I’ve made with hanfu

So, I haven’t posted anything about hanfu before but I wanted to because I’ve come to a couple of realizations in the process of the last few months.

As context I’d like to mention that I’m a nonbinary person and I’ve always felt so alien in clothes of any kind. Going into any store was a chore for me because I spent hours just debating with myself whether to take this or that before I even realized I was NB. The fight afterwards was real. Everything was so gendered. I spent some years just choosing any kind of simple masculine clothes that would conceal my curves and just not loving clothes in general. But some time ago I decided to make a purge in my closet and get rid of everything I bought to hide myself and start wearing what I really want to wear even if I have to wear a binder (I got one now which, wow). But I still had some misgivings. And in the midst of this self-realization hanfu appeared. Like a ray of sunshine shining upon my poor self.

I’d always loved fantasy clothes because they experimented with more than daily wear will ever give you but you know, FANTASY, so it’s not like I could wear them. I play MMOs and some are chinese and furthermore had hanfu in them, but because I was playing games I didn’t associate the clothes in there with something real I could wear. I did save this image from one of them, Justice Online; and tons of screenshots of the webcomic Fox Spirit is the Best Actor, in which the protagonist wears tons of modified hanfu because he comes from the past.

I also had a fascination for kimono but only from afar, because they’re too rigid for me, it’s just variations of the same thing all the time. I do like haoris though, and I have a couple I LOVE. But you can’t make a full wardrobe only with haori. Then I realized every image I’d been saving for MONTHS was hanfu. Everything was hanfu! And it made me feel SO good about how I could represent myself and my body. This article in New Hanfu encapsulates my feelings very well: https://www.newhanfu.com/28151.html

After that came the research, the buying of a couple of things and the dispair at the prices of them. I bought a couple of things off Aliexpress, which I do not recommend, basically because the prices are crazy expensive (at least for the clothes that don’t come in packs, because I tend to only like one thing out of a set and etc), and also because I am not completely sure of where they come from (have they been bought and resold? Am I paying the original maker?). I got an under shirt in white, a shan and a modified cross collar shirt, as a base and to take patterns off them. But there was so little I liked and even less that was sold separately and at a good price AND in organic fabric, because lately I’ve had a gripe about it, that I decided to start making my own. I looked for pattern books but I’m broke so I decided to make the executive decision to just try to download the ones I saw in NewHanfu and try to size them to my size. Long story short: it didn’t work very well, nothing sized up like it should and I got SO confused by the process. But I managed to make two things with fabric I had saved for years because I knew I wanted to make something with them but didn’t know what.

First I tried to make a banbi similar to this one I don’t even remember where I found:

I had this beautiful fabric made out of shantung or wild silk that I got for cheap some years ago because the store got it from another one that closed. And first mistake is that I didn’t have enough fabric. Always buy at least two metres of fabric for hanfu! (This is for me as well as for whoever might be reading this). I had to go buy more and obviously they didn’t have it BUT I got lucky and they had the same kind of fabric but with the fibres switched around. If you know how shantung works it may have two colors woven together so that when the light hits it and the fabric shifts the color changes too. I had one with a red base and yellow overthread and they had one the other way around. So I got it and decided to do a two color banbi. My second mistake might be considered not looking for a real pattern and making my own off of another but the real one was underestimating the rigidity of the fabric. It... doesn’t fall. By now I’ve resigned myself to just wear this at special occasions. Shantung is ALSO difficult to work with because any hole you make in it you’re gonna see FOREVER. So it’s not very forgiving for first timers. Lucky me. It did end up coming together but I had to alter it (meaning I made it and had to take it apart because I made it too big and also the side seams were A MESS). (It’s still a mess inside, no one look!). I do plan to adorn it with some kind of embroidery (hides the mistakes AND looks pretty: genius) but for now it’s finished. Here is a picture of it (do forgive the trousers, I do not have a lower garment for it):

(Also, if any of you know about hanfu garment construction and see something blatantly wrong or have ideas on how to improve it or style it better, plase do hit me up).

The second thing I made was even more fraught with mistakes. I tried to make a ru as a jacket with some jeansy cotton fabric I had from years ago which was AGAIN too little (again, always buy at least 2 metres!!!). Luckily they did have some more for me and I actually ended up getting everything they had left. Which was, uh, not great for my anxiety because I couldn’t buy more in case I fucked up. Again the pattern was adapted from NewHanfu and here the mistakes were MORE evident. The process was much easier but the end result worse. It looked great, don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t wide enough for my body. Or so I thought. So I had to alter it (aka take it apart) and add some extra pieces under the armpits (this was SUCH a mess). And when I thought I was finished I tried it on and realized the REAL PROBLEM was that It didn’t have enough width for the neck. And that was the point at which I decided to buy a pattern book for hanfu (https://www.amazon.es/Hanfu-Pattern-Making-metric-English-ebook/dp/B086Q2G5CN/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=hanfu+pattern&qid=1649097916&sprefix=hanfu+pat%2Caps%2C117&sr=8-2). I wanted the modernized hanfu version but only this one is in ebook so oh well. But now I know the damn ratio of the collar of a coat/jacket, which is (if I’m not mistaken) 1/2 of your neck + 4. Which is 6 whole centimetres more than the collar of my jacket. Which means I still have to take it apart AGAIN. But it did come out cute. Maybe I’ll add the extra centimetres and find out I no longer need the extra pieces on the sides, who knows. Moral of the story: do take measurements of your own body as you make a pattern, not like me. I did not. And ended up regretting it. Also DO NOT simply resize patterns like I did. Do compare the measurements you end up with with your own body. But here you have some photos of it (again, do excuse my jeans):

I am now in the process of taking this apart and also of waiting for real physical patterns I ordered from taobao through an intermediary (also a BEAUTIFUL shan in cotton, the only thing I found in an organic material I liked) while I bemoan the lack of songku everywhere. Seriously, the skirts where the only thing I didn’t like about hanfu and I was so sad there were no pants and then I found out Song style pants existed and fell in love and no one has any! I mean, there are a couple in taobao and I suppose I did find a pair in Aliexpress (do not recommend to order rn, they’re having tons of problems with shipping and I myself am waiting for three packages that are surely lost) but none at all were in organic fabrics so I just decided to make my own. So I will probably be able to make them several months from now when my patterns arrive, because there’s another covid outbreak where my intermedary lives. Joy.

If you do want patterns for hanfu though, the ones I bought look to be very high quality and they have a TON of them (there were THREE pants patterns, I’m SO stoked). So here you have the shop: https://shop117231714.world.taobao.com/?spm=2013.1.1000126.3.3e1a66e8Ooe5gP

[missmonsters2]

today I feel awful... idk my insecurities are taking over me and I just want to curl into a ball and cry. maybe it's my hormones maybe the fact that I weighted myself and found out I gained weight (I can't fit into my jeans 😭) and the fact that I saw my sister in a tight skin dress looking perfect while I'm in my pj's just destroyed my confidence. I need something angsty to read to make me forget about my sad, miserable lffe right now. would you be down in writing sth angsty with nat maybe? you don't have to though. it's fine either way. I really appreciate all of your work and I keep reading on repeat whenever I'm feeling down. makes me cheer up. thank you, van ❤️

It's like we're the same person because I also went to visit my sister recently and my sister has gotten her life together and is living her best hot girl bod while I...let's not go there.

I just want you to know that you're hot as fuck and a body is just a body that we can change with time and effort. We're lit rally in this together. This time next year, we will be rocking the body that makes up happy and we'll be healthy!!! 💘💘

But I will still give you nat angst...but with a happy ending bc I said you deserve a HEA!!

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The Withers of Springtime Bloom

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spring is a time of blooming and when things come back to life. You can't help but notice things that may be causing your relationship with Natasha to wither.

Warnings: self-esteem issues, insecurities about body, relationship with working out and food, seasonal depression. angst with HEA.

Count: 2.1k~

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You're not sure when things changed.

Things change so slowly after all.

Without you noticing, things change and change and change until one day, you do notice.

You notice that Natasha has become quieter, somber.

You notice the lack of date nights and affectionate touches.

You notice that you've let yourself go a little.

You're standing in front of the mirror, staring at your body with a frown. You've gained weight since dating Natasha, but relationship weight gain was normal, wasn't it?

But you remember how Natasha was just as fit as she was before she met you. Sure, she was a superhero, and you were a regular civilian; there was no reason for you to train long hours as Natasha did.

Still...

You turn to the side and peer at yourself in the mirror again.

You can't help but wonder...were you becoming less attractive to her?

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It had been the beginning of fall when you met Natasha. You loved the season of change and when things turned into warm colors before withering away for winter to come.

Natasha had come like a blessing, and in the winter, she was just warm as the colors of fall. Instead of withering away, she bloomed and invested that warmth in your relationship with her.

Despite always being an early riser to work out, weekends were the days she stayed in bed with you just a little longer. There had been so many breakfasts, lunch, and dinner dates. You found yourself moving things around or neglecting to work around her busy schedule.

Perhaps that was when things began to change. Eating out so often and forgoing working out to spend time with Natasha was what led to this.

Spring has arrived, and things are coming back to life. Yet somehow, your relationship with Natasha was withering away.

"Hey," you greet her as you come home, shopping bags in hand. You bought some more clothes when things felt like they didn't fit comfortably anymore. The experience had been upsetting for you, and you didn't end up buying too much, telling yourself you didn't want to spend too much when you were going to lose the weight.

Natasha was working in her office, peering down over reports, and barely acknowledged you other than with a hum.

"Long day?" You ask her as you put your things away and walk over to her.

"Yeah," Natasha sighed. "Trying to get these reports done since Maria needs them tomorrow."

That had been Natasha's excuse for spending long hours in her office every night for the last two weeks.

You place your hand on Natasha's shoulder with a reassuring squeeze, but she leans to the side as if to readjust herself, but still away from your touch.

The sting immediately comes, but you try to push it down, so it doesn't hurt as bad.

"Right," you say hoarsely, but Natasha stares on at the reports. "I'm just going to get ready for bed. It's been a long day and all. Let me know if you need anything."

Natasha gives you a nod as you leave the room. You feel awkward as you lie in the bed you share with her. You wonder if you're taking up too much space.

There's a pang of something as you try to curl yourself to be smaller and only distantly realizing you've skipped dinner before you fall asleep.

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You fall back onto the mat, chest heaving and your lungs burning.

It's been a while since you've worked out, and now you're definitely paying for it with how unfit you are.

The gym is moderately empty with the hour it is. You hate going to a public gym because it always feels like someone is staring, but it's better for strangers to stare than working out at the Compound for people you know to stare at you.

The rational part of you knows that you should just talk to Natasha, but the emotional side of you whispers that you won't like what Natasha has to say, that she might even end it before you've had a chance to change yourself.

When weeks pass, and you weigh yourself again, you almost start crying because you've only lost a couple of pounds.

It's normal, you know it is. You're losing weight at a normal rate, but it's not enough. You know fast weight loss wouldn't make sense for your body but you also feel you don't have half a year to go back to your normal weight.

You sit on the bathroom floor for hours, debating what to do when you hear a quiet knock.

"Sweetheart, are you in there?" Natasha's muffled voice comes through.

You wipe at your eyes furiously as you stand up.

"Y-Yeah," you answer back. "I'm just in the tub soaking."

There's a moment of silence through the door before Natasha answers back, "Alright. Enjoy yourself. Did you want me to order anything specific for dinner?"

"No, it's okay," you tell her. "You order anything you want. I already ate on my way home." You think about the chicken salad you've been eating for the past two weeks and almost sigh.

Natasha answered that she just came back to see if you've eaten, but she actually had to head back to the Compound. You were Natasha shuffling around before leaving through the front door, and you let out the breath you were holding.

You actually take a long, hot shower before putting on sweats and a big hoodie.

The truth was, you were hungry. The chicken salad was okay on the way home, but it had been a couple of hours since.

You knew starving yourself wasn't the answer, so you went into the kitchen to see if you could find something healthy to hold you over until you could go to bed.

But you can't find anything in the fridge except for Natasha's leftovers from whatever she ordered the day before. You can't find anything except frozen pizzas and microwavable foods.

You check the calories on the back and let out a frustrated sigh. Checking your watch, you realize it's too late in the evening to go grocery shopping because, by the time you get there, stores will have closed.

You slump down on the floor, leaning against the cabinets as you let out a pathetic whimper while your eyes became hot with tears.

You miss Natasha. You want Natasha holding you and telling you it would be okay. But you couldn't have that until you were back to what you were when you met her.

The front door suddenly opens.

"Have you seen my—sweetheart?" Natasha started to call before she noticed you sitting on the floor. "What's wrong?"

You use your sleeve to wipe at your eyes as you sit up straight.

"Nothing," you sniffle before you start to stand. "I just stubbed my toe against the edge of the kitchen island. What were you looking for? USB? You left it next to the bedside."

Natasha stares at your back, hair still wet as she takes in your attire.

"It's a little hot to be wearing a hoodie and sweats, isn't it?" Natasha asks softly. "Doesn't seem like you turned on the aircon in here."

You keep walking, but Natasha starts to follow you.

"'m cold," you say quietly so she can't hear the tremble in your voice.

"Are you feeling sick?" Natasha asks with concern as you sit down on the couch, turning on the TV. You pull the blanket over you as if to make your point.

"No," you tell her because you don't want her to worry. "Just cold after a bath."

Natasha sets her things down before she takes a seat next to you. Even in the low lighting, she can see your eyes rimmed red and dampness of them.

You're refusing to look at her as you have your knees drawn up to your chest and stare stubbornly at the TV screen.

Then she hears it.

Your stomach grumbles.

"Are you hungry, sweetheart?" Natasha asks softly again. "We can just order food and stay in tonight."

Your cheeks grow hot. "Don't you have to be at the Compound?"

You don't mean to snap at her, but you can't help but feel embarrassed.

Natasha remains quiet for a moment, quickly thinking over the last few weeks before she feels guilt trickle in.

She doesn't remember the last time she ate with you—doesn't remember the last time she saw you eat.

"Sweetheart," she calls you gently again, and you bristle at the tone. "Is there something wrong?"

The fragile dam you've built to keep the weeks of compiling emotions at bay breaks, and you're hurtling down the stream over the waterfall.

"Are you not in love with me anymore?" You choke out as you begin to cry.

You can't even register to feel horrified at your breakdown because you just need to know.

"I know...I know my body has changed since we first met and I've gained weight but I really am trying to lose it. I just—I feel like you're avoiding me. At first, I thought things at work have been really stressful for you, and I wanted to give you space but you're gone all the time. You're gone even when you're here."

Natasha can barely understand anything you've said after hearing you say the first part. Her breath hitches painfully in the back of her throat, and she legitimately feels appalled at herself.

She starts to say something, but you keep going.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make this about me because if you're going through something then I want to support and be there for you. But I can't help but feel like you're grossed out by me. I mean—I feel grossed out when I look at myself. I feel like I'm taking up so much space—"

Natasha cuts you off abruptly, pulling off the blanket as she pulls at you until you're in her lap.

"Nat—"

"You're not gross and this is not about the weight you have or have not gained. You hear me?" Natasha says forcefully as she holds you close to her, hand over your thigh to keep you against her.

"God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if I've been making you feel like you're not attractive me," Natasha's eyes well up as your tears wet her shoulder. "You're literally still the most gorgeous person I've ever met and you're always going to be that to me."

Natasha's hand at your waist dips underneath your hoodie, her fingers trailing up your back as she sighs at your warmth. "I should've told you, but the springtime is just really hard for me. It's odd because it's a time for things to come back to life but some of the worst things have happened to me during the spring and things blooming makes me think about things that aren't coming back. I think it's also just a little bit of seasonal depression too. I'm just the rare percentage that gets it in the spring."

The explanation makes your body sag with relief because while you feel so horrible that there is a reason Natasha doesn't like spring, she's not falling out of love with you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I was hurting you," Natasha apologizes again. "I didn't mean to be so distant but I didn't want to bring your mood down as well, which is why I've been working so much to keep busy."

"It's okay," you muttered as your turn your head, forehead pressed against her neck. "I'm sorry spring is depressing for you."

Natasha merely hushes you as she kisses the side of your head.

You begin to feel awkward, thinking about how you must be heavy on her and try to move, but Natasha doesn't let you.

"Sweetheart, I don't know how to convince you that you're perfect to me," Natasha says so seriously as she forces you to look at her. "If you want to lose weight because that is what you want, then I support you. But I need you to understand that I love you no matter what. I don't care either way because you're so fucking lovely to me always. Do you understand?"

Timidly, you reply, "Okay. Thank you."

Natasha presses her lips against yours in a long kiss before she pulls back.

"Now, I'm going to ask again. Are you hungry? We can order in and watch that new show on Netflix I heard was pretty good from Wanda."

You feel lighter. You think you might still want to work out because that would make you happy, but you don't feel the rush like you did just a couple of hours ago.

"Yeah," you say shyly. "But maybe something not so heavy?"

Natasha nods as she presses another kiss into your cheek as she helps you settle onto the couch right beside her to grab her phone.

"Anything to make you bloom."

[babymetaldoll]

Stargazing (Spencer Reid/Reader)

Requested: No, but I needed some hardcore fluff

Summary: The team is “forced” to go camping, and Spencer finally decides to make “his move” on Reader.

Pairing: Spencer Reid/ Reader

Category: Hardcore fluff

Warnings: Zero

Word count: 3,2K

Masterlist

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-

It was the first time the BAU didn't argue Strauss's decision. She had walked into the conference room and explained to the team that the FBI had decided each department had to do a workshop related to teamwork and trust.

- "You will spend this weekend camping together. You will be part of a Team-Building Training Workshop"- Strauss wasn't excited about the idea of her best team wasting a whole weekend. But she was glad her department didn't have to do the activity. She hated camping.

- "Are you telling me we have to spend our weekend in sleeping bags, singing kumbaya?"- Rossi raised an eyebrow and looked at Erin, and she didn't move a muscle- "I'm out."

- "David, I'm not asking you if you want to do it. The whole team has to be part of this activity, that includes you."

- "Come on, Rossi,"- Prentiss smiled and tried to cheer him up- "It will be a nice change from catching serial killers for a weekend.

- "Really, Emily?"- Rossi crossed his arms on his chest and looked at Reid- "Hey, kid. How many dead bodies are found each year in the woods in the country?"

- "Over 2.543 last year,"- Spencer answered. And didn't stop talking, of course- "We can not be sure they were all serial killer related cases. The most common ways to die in the woods are drowning, car accident, and suicide."

- "Suicide it is."- David whispered. He knew it was going to be a long weekend.

Even when he wasn't a person who loved camping and outdoor activities, Spencer was excited to spend the weekend with the team, especially with (Y/N). His teammate, best friend, and secret crush. Ok, it wasn't really a secret.

Of course, everybody knew about Spencer's feelings. He never successfully hid them from the team. You didn't need to be a profiler to notice each time (Y/N) walked into a room, Reid's eyes would follow her, and his cheeks blushed. When they sat together in the jet, Spencer would always be too self-aware of his own movements. He would try not to move, especially when she had fallen asleep, resting her head on his shoulder. And when they were working on a case together, he would always cover her on the field, and he would make sure she was safe, even when the unsub was already caught.

He loved her. Even a blind man could see. Except for (Y/N), of course. Because according to her own words: "There's no way Spencer Reid is in love with me. He would never look at me that way. He is perfect, and I'm a mess. He deserves the perfect genius girl."

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- "Ok, Romeo, this weekend is the perfect opportunity for you to make your move"- Derek and Reid were alone in the SUV on their way to the retreat.

- "Sure. Because there's no better time to make a fool out of myself than in front of all my friends in the middle of nowhere."

- "What's with the attitude, pretty Ricky? Relax"- Morgan frowned and put on some music, singing along for a moment. Reid looked at him and raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh.

- "Ok man, picture this: you, your pretty lady, in the middle of the night, gazing at the stars together, alone in the middle of the forest. The full moon is the only light."

- "Who are you? since when are you a romance expert?"

- "Hey! I can be romantic!"

- "I've seen you get girls only by raising an eyebrow"- Reid argued, and he was right. It had happened once, but that was another completely different story.

- "What I'm trying to tell you is that you have the perfect chance to tell her how you feel during this trip"- Spencer was about to start debating that idea when Derek continued.

- "And stop saying she has no feeling for you!"

Reid bit his tongue and looked at the road. Neither of them said a word for the next couple of minutes. Until Spencer whispered

- "But she doesn't"

- "She does!!"- Derek nearly yelled

- "Why are you so sure?!"

- "Because she told Penelope she is in love with you!!"

The silence in the car was as intense as the red in Spencer's cheeks. Derek knew he shouldn't have said that, but he was tired of seeing his best friend's sad eyes each time he stared at (Y/N). Someone had to do something, and he knew neither of them would make the first move.

- "Are you sure?"- Reid's mouth was hanging open- "I mean, maybe she was joking."

- "No, she was honest. So please, this weekend, make your freaking move."

-

How could Spencer ever make his move? He had no idea. He didn't even have a "move"! But something inside of him felt a little more confident now.

That didn't show on the outside at all, 'cos during the whole day, he was more clumsy than ever. He dropped his coffee. He failed the first two attempts to set up his tent and nearly fell carrying logs for the fire.

He wanted to dig a hole and hid.

But (Y/N) didn't notice any of that. Not because she didn't pay attention, but because she was oblivious to any of those things. She just couldn't stop staring: He was wearing jeans. Spencer Walter Reid was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. (Y/N) thought she was going to have a heart attack when he got out of the car.

Sure, yes, she had seen him outside work in a more casual outfit, but nothing prepared her for Spencer's camping clothing. It suited him too well for his own good.

- "Hello? Anybody there?"- Prentiss waved at (Y/N). She and JJ stood in front of her, trying to catch her attention.

- "Jesus! you look like a schoolgirl today!"- JJ teased her, laughing- "Can you be more obvious?"

- "What are you talking about?"- (Y/N) tried to look all innocent and continued setting the logs for the campfire.

- "If Spencer wasn't so clueless about your feelings, I swear you two would be already married,"- Emily joked and helped (Y/N) with the logs. The young SSA just shook her head and tried to keep her eyes from Reid for as long as she could. She successfully did it for five minutes. That day's record.

- "(Y/N), hey"- he stood by her side, and she quickly stood up.

- "Hey, how are you doing?"

- "Good... you?"- she just nodded and smiled. She really was acting like a schoolgirl in front of Spencer- "Great... hey, I thought maybe tonight you would like to do some stargazing with me..."- Emily and JJ heard him and nearly squealed. They tried to look away, but it was impossible. They needed to know what was happening. Where was García? she was going to be so mad she missed that.

- "Yeah! I'm sure tonight we can see way more stars than on your building's roof like last time."

(Y/N) answered, smiling, thinking there was nothing more romantic than being underneath a starry sky, listening to Spencer talking about constellations.

- "Ok, kids,"- Rossi's voice stepping out of his huge camper interrupted them and forced everybody to turn around- "Let's do this trust thing we are forced to do before it's lunchtime. Maybe we can manage to go home early."

-

Of course, they weren't. The whole team had to work as a unit to fulfill a series of activities an expert team the FBI had hired forced them to do. Aaron thought it was unnecessary, considering they worked on the field together, and they trusted each other with their lives all the time. But he was also sure his team needed a break, and everybody could use some fresh air.

- "Great work, team"- Hotch hugged everybody and smiled when the whole activity was done- "I think we've earned a nice dinner."

- "Please don't tell me we have to hunt our food"- Penelope wide opened her eyes suddenly and looked at Hotch- "I can eat blueberries."

- "Don't worry, kids"- Rossi shook his head and pointed to his camper- "Anyone in the mood for a nice steak?"

- "I bought marshmallows for the campfire later,"- (Y/N) said and smiled- "You are never too old for some s'more."

- "Scary stories by the fire eating s'mores? I'm ten years old again"- JJ looked excited- "I need to do this with Henry."

- "Just don't tell him your "I'm scared of the woods because I found the camp director dead" story." - Derek said, smiling.

- "You freaked out!"- JJ chuckled, remembering how she had scared her friends a few years earlier while working on a case in the woods.

- "I need to hear that story!"- Emily said- "I bet it's no better than mine, I'm sure."

- "Battle of horror stories?"- (Y/N) smiled evilly- "You two have nothing on me."

-

The evening was fun and a little terrifying. Garcia was holding Derek's arm so tight it was starting to feel numb. Rossi and Hotch had told a couple of stories that left the team completely frightened, to be fair. Especially Spencer. He had forgotten an essential part of his plan: nights in the woods are dark as pitch. And he was afraid of the dark. How would he successfully take (Y/N) to a nice spot, sit down and stare at the stars with her if he was too scared to move from the fire?

(Y/N) looked at Reid and sighed. Maybe he had regretted it. Of course, he hasn't forgotten his invitation, 'cos Spencer remembered everything. Still, he hadn't made any move or sign to go stargazing. Being alone with him in the dark was scary but in the right way. Maybe she could finally tell him how she felt. No, no way. That wasn't going to happen.

- "Ok, so... it's late, and we are out of wine"- Rossi stood up and looked at the team- "I am ready to go to my comfy bed"- the rest of the team groaned. They were going to spend the night in a tent, probably freezing, while Rossi was going to be in his warm camper.

- "I'm going to sleep too, we have trekking in the morning, and it's going to be a long walk. I suggest you all go to bed early."- Hotch stood up and waved at the team, to then walk to his tent."

- "Sweet chocolate thunder, is there room in your tent for me?"- Penelope asked, and he chuckled immediately

- "Are you still scared of the stories? they are just made up things people create to terrify us."

- "I know. But I'm also scared of bears, psycho killers, and slender man"- Morgan looked at her, raising an eyebrow. She wasn't joking.

- "Bring your sleeping bag."

- "You are my hero. I love you."

Prentiss and JJ went to bed soon after, leaving the two love birds alone.

- "Stargazing?"- Reid whispered, and (Y/N) nodded- "We should find a darker stop... or we can stay here by the fire if you like."

- "Are we going to get a nice view here?"- (Y/N) looked at the stars and tried to see anything.

- "No, it has to be darker,"- Spencer whispered, taking a look around- "There was a nice spot by the cliff, that way."

- "I don't think walking to a cliff in the middle of the night is a good idea"- (Y/N) smiled, and Reid shook his head

- "You are right..."

- "But we can walk carefully and carry a flashlight,"- she added and smiled, looking at him. His brown curls moved with the wind, and his chocolate eyes were brighter than the sparks of fire next to them.

- "That sounds good."

Spencer stood still for a second. He had a blanket in one hand and a bag of marshmallows in the other. (Y/N) put on her scarf and jacket and stared at him.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah."

He wasn't. He was trying to calm himself down, thinking that walking in the middle of the dark was worthy because it meant spending time alone with (Y/N).

He kept telling himself he didn't have to worry because nothing was going to happen. He wished he had his gun with him in case of any danger, though. Maybe that could make him feel better.

- "You can't kill darkness, stupid"- he whispered to himself and sighed. (Y/N) walked a step closer and took the marshmallow bag. Then, she held his hand.

- "Let's go?"

That was all Spencer needed. He was ready.

- "Did you know astronomy is the oldest of the sciences?- Reid whispered as they walked hand in hand to a nice clear spot - "Ancient astronomers were able to differentiate between stars and planets, as stars remain relatively fixed over the centuries while planets will move an appreciable amount during a comparatively short time."

- "And when did you start learning about the stars?"- Spencer loved that. How each time he started rambling, she wouldn't get annoyed like the rest of the people he knew. Instead, she would always ask him something related to the subject. And it was usually something personal. She wanted to learn more about him and how he had ended up being such an amazing human being.

- "When I was four, mom started taking me regularly to the library. That was when I started to learn more about science. I could pick ten books each time we were there, and I decided I wanted to know everything I could about everything I loved."

Spencer confessed and smiled, looking at her. His heart was warm with their conversations. He was never comfortable talking about his personal life, especially about his childhood. But with (Y/N), it all came naturally.

- "How often did she take you?"

- "Every other day"- she chuckled and remembered the pictures Diana had shown her of Spencer when he was a little kid last time they visited her. He was adorable, with his glasses and his messy hair. It was impossible not to imagine having a family with him.

- "This is it... this is a good spot."- Spencer said and stopped walking. He moved a log and tapped on it, smiling at (Y/N). She sat with him, and he wrapped them together with the blanket.

- "So, what am I staring at?"- (Y/N) asked and kept her eyes on the starry sky. It seemed she had never seen so many stars. And they even looked closer. Spencer looked at her, and his heart skipped a beat. He was about to start a lecture on astronomy, but instead, he decided to do "his move." Or the move he could think of. He didn't really know if it was a move, but he was going to give it a shot anyway.

- "Most stargazers learn about constellations looking for different noticeable patterns across the sky"- he made a pause clearing his throat. That was it. He was going to do it.

- "That's how it all started,"- he continued- "Some of these noticeable patterns up there are still the same ones our ancestors noticed while sitting around a campfire telling stories like we did today."

- "Telling stories about the stars sounds a lot less creepy, though" - (Y/N) whispered, and the two of them smiled- "Wanna tell me a story about these stars?"

There was no way Spencer could say not to her puppy eyes.

- "Ok... let's see..."- Reid sighed and thought for a moment, looking at the constellations above them- "Do you see those stars over there that look like a cute bunny?"

- "Which ones?"- Spencer pointed at the sky, and (Y/N) nodded- "I see them"

- "Well, you'll see, there was a comet in love with the bunny, but it could only look at her from a safe distance."- Spencer finally confessed. (Y/N) held her breath for a second and tried not to get her hopes high.

- "Why?"

- "Well, the comet was afraid he wasn't good enough for the bunny"- Spencer was whispering, and his soft voice sent shivers to (Y/N)'s body- "So he stared at his favorite constellation every day and only imagined what it would feel like to hold her in his arms."

- "And the bunny never saw the comet?"- (Y/N) asked softly, while very, very slowly, she moved her hand and reached Spencer's.

- "The bunny thought the comet just wanted to be her friend because he was scared to tell her how he felt,"

(Y/N) kept thinking there was no way on earth Spencer was telling her how he felt about her with that adorable story. Was he? Really? 'cos it was too romantic, and if he wasn't and she was wrong... it would be heartbreaking. But, there was only one way to find out.

- "I think the bunny felt the same, but she thought she wasn't good enough for the comet"- Spencer's heart raced at those words, and he turned to look at (Y/N). She blushed and stared at him with a shy smile.

- "Why would the bunny ever think that?"

- "The comet is too brilliant and too amazing to settle for a simple constellation when he could have the sun."

(Y/N) was embarrassed to confess those feelings, but it was now or never.

- "But the bunny is the sun in the comet's life."- Spencer whispered and caressed her cheek with his thumb carefully.

- "Really?"- her voice was so soft, it melted Spencer completely. He couldn't answer. All he could do was to lean in slowly and kissed her as gently as he could, enjoying the sensation of her lips against his. He cupped her face with both hands and moved a little closer.

It was the sweetest kiss he had ever given. It wasn't just because (Y/N)'s lips tasted like marshmallow, but because it was filled with pure love. He could feel it, even when he still couldn't believe it. She loved him. She really did.

(Y/N) was sure that wasn't really happening. She had probably fallen down the cliff earlier and was now unconscious or dead, living a fantasy. There was no way Spencer Reid was kissing her.

When they slowly moved and looked at each other, neither of them knew what to say. So (Y/N) did what she always dreamed of doing and leaned in and kissed him again. Spencer didn't hesitate and wrapped his arms around her waist, moving her closer to him. Her hands played shyly with some of the curls of his hair, and they simply kissed for what seemed to be forever, even when it wasn't enough time for them. Spencer felt he could kiss her his whole life, and he still wouldn't get enough of her.

- "So..."- (Y/N) whispered after some minutes and looked at Spencer, blushing- "Do you think the comet and the bunny could... maybe try to be more than friends?"

He smiled and kissed her again, rubbing her lips carefully with his; (Y/N) sighed into the kiss.

- "The comet is willing to do anything the bunny asks him because he just wants to make her happy all day, every day."

(Y/N) couldn't speak. She could only kiss him again and again.

- "Bunny just wants her comet to be happy too."

- "Then would Bunny be the comet's girlfriend?"- she giggled and nodded- "Good, because I don't think I could ever live without your kisses ever again, Bunny."

- "Neither do I, Comet"

And after that, stargazing was forgotten. There were enough stars in their kisses to keep the two of them lost in their own new universe. 

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Day 13: Drunk

Draco Malfoy was very, very drunk.

It was his twenty-eighth birthday and Harry had watched as his boyfriend consumed far more alcohol than was advisable. But Draco was happy drunk, so Harry let it be, trying to remember if they had any hangover potions at home because he was definitely going to need one in the morning.

Harry for his part had a glass of fire whiskey upon their arrival and then switched over to soda. The last thing they needed was for both of them to be so pissed that they couldn't make it home.

He watched with no small amount of amusement as Draco retold a story to his friends, making over-the-top gestures, and adding in character voices. Godric, he was adorable.

Harry was utterly besotted.

When he noticed that most of the drinks at the table were empty Harry stood up and headed over to the bar, profoundly glad that Angie remembered all of the drink orders since Harry didn't have the first clue what most of the former Slytherins ordered.

As he was standing there waiting, he felt Draco's presence next to him and turned his head to look at the other man, smiling in spite of himself at Draco's flushed cheeks and open smile.

"It's my birthday, you know," the other man informed him.

(Read more below the cut)

Harry rested his elbow on the bar and turned to him, "I had no idea," he deadpanned.

Draco pouted at him, "Aren't you going to buy me a drink?"

"Of course I am," Harry replied with a laugh. "You and all of your friends."

"My friends, too?" his lower lip protruded, "but then it might as well be their birthday."

"That is why," Harry replied as Angie set the drinks on the bar in front of them, "I bought you two, and I asked for a fabulous twisty straw."

Draco's eyes lit up, "Thank you!" he enthused as he took the drink from the counter. "But I feel it's only fair to let you know that I am taken."

"Sorry?" Harry asked as he tipped Angie and levitated the drinks.

"You bought me a drink, which was very kind of you," Draco said, batting his eyelashes at Harry, "But I already have a boyfriend."

Harry was too confused by that statement to get any words to come out before Draco had flounced back off to slide in next to Pansy.

Shaking his head he made his way over and distributed the drinks, he then got waylaid in a conversation with Blaise Zabini as the other man asked him "theoretical" questions about potions ingredients purchased off the black market and what the law says about such things.

Eventually, Pansy called him over as Draco was in a heated debate with what appeared to be a jumper draped over the back of a chair. "Alright, you," Harry said, carefully drawing him up from the chair. "Let's get you home."

"You know where I live?" Draco asked.

Harry laughed, "I do."

Draco stared at him contemplatively, "Alright, but you can't stay."

Shaking his head, Harry waved at all of the people surrounding them as they headed out of the bar to apparate. When they arrived at home, Draco stepped away from him, paused for a moment looking like he was going to throw up, then visibly contained himself.

Harry would have been very impressed if the next words out of Draco's mouth hadn't been, "Thank you for your assistance. You may go now."

"Babe, what?" Harry asked, taking a step toward him.

Draco put a hand on his chest, "You've been very kind but as I said, I'm dating someone."

"Ah," Harry replied cocking his head at him, "Who?"

"Harry Potter," he said proudly, "And I would never cheat on him."

"Good to know," Harry said, "But that's me. And I have some really, truly lovely plans for you tonight involving my tongue."

Draco stared off into space for a moment and Harry knew he was putting that overactive imagination to good use. "No," he said after a moment. "No, I love him. I can't."

"You love me?" Harry asked, feeling like his heart was about to beat out of his body.

"No," Draco replied, rolling his eyes. "I love my boyfriend. Harry Potter. Don't tell him, though." Then he looked confused for a moment, "Do you know him?" he asked. Without waiting, he continued, "He's bloody gorgeous," he added with a sigh, turning and wandering toward their bedroom. "And it's not an act, you know," he continued, "He really is as good as they want you to think."

Harry shook his head at his drunken ramblings and followed along behind the other man.

"But he's also," he hummed as though searching for the right word, "absolutely gloriously filthy. His tongue," he added with a little moan, "the things he can do with it."

"Oh?" Harry asked.

Draco nodded, "and his," he paused and cleared his throat meaningfully, "you know what. Sublime."

He bit his lip to keep from laughing. "Draco?"

"Hmm?" the other man asked as he collapsed onto their bed.

"I am Harry," he said softly, "and you should really get undressed before you go to bed. You hate sleeping in your clothes."

"You're just trying to get me naked!" Draco accused. "And I am telling you that it will not work. And if Harry finds out you tried to take advantage of me, he'll arrest you."

Harry sighed, giving up. There was no sense in arguing with him once he got his mind made up. "If I leave will you get undressed?" Harry asked.

"Mmm," Draco hummed.

"Seriously," Harry said, "You hate sleeping in your clothes."

"Mmhmm."

Harry sighed and gave it up as a lost cause, "Sleep well. Happy birthday."

Draco let out an inelegant snore and Harry cast a nox over the room. He grabbed a pillow and a blanket and went to sleep, comforting himself with the knowledge that he could always put his plans to good use in the morning. They'd celebrate Draco's birthday all weekend anyway.

--------------

The next morning, Harry was woken up by his boyfriend crawling onto the sofa with him. "Hey," he murmured, smiling and pulling Draco into his arms.

"Why are you sleeping on the sofa?" Draco asked through a yawn. "I felt like shit when I woke up, did I smell? You could have just told me to shower."

"Yeah, you were not having any of that."

"You could have at least taken my trousers off, they're dreadfully uncomfortable," Draco complained as he snuggled in closer to Harry, threading his fingers through Harry's curls.

"I tried," Harry laughed, "You told me that your boyfriend would arrest me if I laid a finger on you."

"But you are my boyfriend," Draco said, obviously confused.

"Yes, that was my point exactly. But you thought I was a stranger who was trying to get into your pants."

Draco pulled back, "Stop taking the piss."

"I swear to Merlin," Harry said as he pulled Draco closer and stroked his hands under his shirt over his soft, warm skin. "It was very sweet, you were very faithful. Although you did tell a person you thought was a stranger about the size of my penis."

The other man groaned, "What else did I do to embarrass myself?" he asked, burying his face in Harry's neck.

"Nothing," Harry whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of Draco's head. "I love you, too, you know."

Draco jerked up at that pronouncement and would have tumbled off of the sofa if Harry hadn't caught him. "What did you just say to me?"

"That I love you, too," he said with his brow furrowed.

"You weren't supposed to know that!" Draco said, jumping up off the sofa.

Harry sat up and grabbed his glasses off the coffee table so he could see properly, "So you're okay with a random stranger knowing but not me?"

"You know what? Yes," he said. "Yes. Because I don't have to worry about a random stranger thinking that I said it too soon, or that I fell too fast, or that I'm just trying to manipulate you, or-"

"Draco, stop it," Harry said, standing up and tugging him into his arms, "I don't think any of those things! I just told you that I loved you too."

"Well, I don't want to have forced your hand," Draco said stubbornly, "I don't want you to grow to resent me later."

Harry shook his head and pressed a kiss to his nose, "I love you, Draco Malfoy, and I was planning to tell you this weekend anyway."

"You were?"

"I was," Harry affirmed, "Now will you please let me hold you?"

"You really were?" Draco asked, stroking his hands over Harry's forearms and allowing him to draw him a bit closer.

"I really was," he repeated. "Because I really love you."

Draco gave him a shy, little smile, "I love you, too."

He kissed him lightly, "Good, now that we've got that sorted, I do believe that it's still your birthday weekend and I was deprived of the opportunity to use my," he broke off, tapping his chin and pretending he was trying to remember, "what was it you called it? my gloriously filthy tongue."

The other man seemed to consider this for a moment, then he shrugged, "I'm not even embarrassed about that," he replied. "That's true."

Harry laughed and hoisted the other man up into his arms, wrapping Draco's legs around his waist as he kissed him. He carried the other man back into the bedroom and tossed him onto the bed, very in love, and very excited to use his gloriously filthy tongue.

Day 12: Adrenaline | Day 14: Louder, So Everyone Can Hear

[make-me-imagine]

Coffee Confessions

Scenario Game Prompts: August 18, M: Peter Parker brings you coffee because he is in love with has a crush on you. (Changed it to fit better with the tone of the story) Requested by: @leniram1890 - tag doesn't work

Pairing: Peter Parker x Gen!Neutral Reader

Triggers: None

Words: 1.8k

General Taglist: @criminaly-supernatural, @caswinchester2000 Marvel Taglist: @aquariuslavenderhoney, @trashywritestrash, @groovyfluxie, @marvelouslyme96, @supersourlemon13, @mochamoff, @simsiddy

*Peter is aged up to 18+; reader and Pete are in college together and also work with Avengers.

**Fluff, cute blushy Pete, etc.

***My motivations lacking a bit, so I can't tell if this is good or not.

--

It started as a simple action, a nice gesture Peter thought would make you smile. When he found out you transferred to the same campus as him, he was excited about the possibility of seeing you more often.

And when you ended up in a class together? Oh boy, he was ecstatic.

On the first day of class he knew you'd be a bit nervous, being on a new campus and all, which was perfectly common. So, when he bought himself a coffee, he thought why not buy you one too?

When you saw him approaching with two coffees and he reached out to offer one, your eyes lit up, as a bright smile graced your face, and he felt as though he might stumble over his feet.

You took the coffee from him gratefully. Your fingers brushed his as you took it, something Peter would look back on more times than he would like to admit.

"Thank you so much Peter, I was in such a hurry to get here on time I didn't even make myself any coffee." Taking a sip, you seemed instantly more relaxed.

As you smiled at Peter again he decided that he wanted to make you smile as much as he could, because it had to be one of the most mesmerizing thing he'd ever seen.

- - - - -

Peter watched you for a moment, your face screwed up in concentration as you read over your notes for the umpteenth time that night. You tapped the end of your pen rhythmically on the table.

He debated interrupting you at all, not wanting you to lose your concentration. The finals were coming up and he knew how important they were.

Before he could decide whether to interrupt or not, you looked up, having finally noticed him standing there. Peter froze for a second at the realization you caught him watching you. Would you be creeped out? Would you want him to leave? Should he leave?

"Please tell me one of those is for me." You said as you looked at his hands.

"What?" He asked confused before looking down, seeing the two coffees he was still holding in his palms "Oh, yeah! Of course!" He said before walking into the study room and handing you one "I wasn't sure if you'd want me to interrupt." He added on a bit embarrassed as he sat down.

You let out a small amused chuckle before taking a long sip of the coffee. Meeting his eyes you smiled "I need a break anyways. Thanks Pete, you always seem to know exactly when I need coffee."

Pete let out a soft chuckle "Maybe it's a newfound power. Coffee-sense." He internally cringed at he poor attempt at a joke. But you smiled, amusement playing on your face as you set the coffee down.

"Well I certainly know I appreciate it." You smiled before grabbing your text book. You spun it around to face Peter and scooted your chair closer to him.

He watched you in nervous confusion as you did so. You pointed at a section of the book "This is what we learned the day I wasn't in class a few weeks ago, do you remember it?"

Peter shook away his nervousness and looked down at the text nodding his head "Oh yeah, I do. Uhh-" as he leaned over, trying not to focus on ow close you were he began to explain what you missed.

- - - - -

Peter looked through the various flavors of creamer in the cupboard "Why are there so many?" He whispered to himself, gazing at the near ten different flavors.

"Because everyone prefers a different kind."

Peter jumped at the voice as he turned around, seeing Pepper walking through the room. "Oh, hi Pepper I didn't know you were here."

"Yeah I needed to grab some paperwork that Tony forgot to bring back with him." She said with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Did Mr. Stark leave already?" He asked.

"Yes. Most of the others have as well." She replied as she came over to Peter, seeing two mugs laid out in front of him. A small smile formed on her face. "Y/n still asleep?"

Peter looked down at the mugs and then up at Pepper. "Uh, yeah, well. Uh, yeah." He fumbled and Pepper smiled at him. Reaching past him into the cupboard, she pushed away two bottles of creamer before pulling out one towards the back. She handed it to Peter "This is Y/n's favorite." She said with a quick wink before turning and walking away.

Peter read the flavor of the creamer before he smiled, quickly looking up as Pepper left "Thank you!" He yelled after her before turning back and beginning to make two cups of coffee.

Just as he finished, he heard light padded footsteps coming from the hall. Looking up, he smiled fondly as you entered. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes you looked around before your eyes landed on Peter.

"Oh good your still here, I thought I was alone." You chuckled as you walked over to him.

"Yeah I guess most everyone went home already."

You nodded "I wanted to thank Mr Stark for letting us stay here since we got back so late." You said in reference to the brief mission you had all gone on. You didn't get back until near 2am.

"You can tell him later. Here-" He said as he slid the coffee towards you "I just finished making it."

Your eyes seemed to light up a bit as you picked up the coffee, making butterflies flutter through his stomach "Thanks Pete." You said with a smile before taking a drink. "Oh-" You began "You used my favorite creamer, how'd you know? There are like ten up there." You said with amusement.

"Oh, well, I just...lucky guess, I guess." He excused, silently thanking Pepper.

You smiled at him gratefully before taking another drink, Peter watched you fondly, admiring the contentedness that you adorned. And if he had not stopped his tongue from running rogue, would have said it out loud.

- - - - -

It was easy to tell Peter had been up all night running around the city. Not only had you suspected it last night as you heard various sirens flying through the streets. But Peter was late, and when you called to check in on him, his voice was groggy as he spoke.

You were heading to a new exhibit at a museum that interested you both. You got tickets for the opening day which was open for a select number of people, and you invited Peter. You felt a bit guilty about dragging him along with you to the exhibit if he hadn't slept, so you suggested a rain check, but Peter insisted on coming.

Thinking you could at least return a favor he has paid to you multiple times over the years you knew him, you bought him coffee. Extra shot of espresso, just in case.

As you stood outside the museum gates, you thought back on all the times Peter brought you coffee. Early mornings before class, stressful study sessions, plus that one time you took a benadryl before class and forgot how powerful they were.

You found your cheeks heating up as you remembered. He always seemed nervous when he would bring you coffee. You never understood why, until right now, as you were holding the two cups in your hands.

It had been not that long after you met Peter that you began to develop a crush, so every time he brought you coffee, you fell a little deeper. And you allowed yourself to imagine that he did it because he felt the same. Though you'd often chastise yourself for being silly. Peter was a generous and kind soul and would and did surely do the same for others.

Hearing your name called from behind you, you broke from your thoughts. Turning around, you saw Peter jogging towards you. You immediately noticed his messy hair, and tired eyes. As he slowed down as he approached you, he smiled at you "Made it!" He breathed out with a chuckle.

Glancing at the large clock outside the museum you nodded your head "Two minutes till opening." You smiled, before reaching out your hand, offering the coffee to Peter "For you."

Peter looked down at the coffee in your hand and felt a blush rise to his cheeks. He hoped his face was already a little read from running and you wouldn't notice the change. "Thanks." He said gratefully as he took the coffee from you "I really do need this." He said with a short laugh before taking a long sip, hoping it would work fast. He really wanted to enjoy today with you. He smiled at you "It feels a bit weird not being the one with the coffee."

You giggled lightly "Well I thought I'd finally return the favor." You swayed on your feet a bit as you debated asking, but as he took another sip, you decided you might as well. "I've always wanted to ask, why did you started bringing me coffee anyways?"

Peter seemed to freeze for a second as he had the cup to his mouth. Taking away he opened his mouth but did not speak. Closing it and opening it again he seemed a bit nervous "Uhh, I don't know really. It just...well. The first time I did it, it was just a nice thing to do. But, I liked how you reacted...I guess, how you smiled at me." Peter seemed to get more nervous with each word as he stared down at the coffee cup "So I wanted to do it more often, and it, sort of became a habit."

Because he was staring down nervously at his coffee, he missed the large grin that spread across your face as you seemed to finally find the answer you had been hoping for. Taking a step closer, you pressed a quick yet firm kiss to Peter's cheek.

Peter's head shot up after you did this and his ears began to burn as he processed what you had just done. He met your eyes and finally saw the bright smile on your face. "You're cute." You said with an amused yet kind tone. As a smile appeared on his face, you turned to be at his side and looped you arm through his. "Come on, museums open. We wouldn't want to be late to our first date would we?"

Peter felt his heart palpitate as you said this, staring at the side of your face as you began to walk towards the museum "D-date?" He stuttered out.

You looked over at him with a smile, trying to hide your own nervous and heavy beating heart "Do you not want it to be?"

Peter quickly nodded his head up and down "No, no, a date is fine, a date is great actually." He fumbled out, and as you giggled while smiling at him, his own smile widened.

Walking up the steps and into the museum, Peter could not stop smiling as he realized he no longer needed to hide his feelings for you in a cup of coffee.

xx End xx

Hope you liked it! If you did please consider reblogging, that would be fantastic!! <3

I have taglists for any character/fandom; so if you want to be added let me know~

[radellama]

Resi Reviews pt2

Continuing with last year’s resi post, I’m gonna be talking about these games babeyyyy! I didn’t get to play much (and honestly I inhaled so much last year that even I’m surprised looking back…god I love this series) Like last time, I’m gonna get into it and although I’ll try not to spoil too much, expect some mild spoilers. Let's go!

Code Veronica X

This game is goofy and charming and I had such a great time with it. I found it at a decent price online for ps2 and bought it, and man this makes me want to get the older games on ps1 so baddd. There was just something about playing it with the controller and hearing my lil old ps2 whirring as I played that really immersed me; as much as I love emulation, there definitely is a ‘click’ when you play older games on older consoles. That said, lets get into it.

I hear a lot of debate about whether this was meant to be the ‘actual’ re3 or not, and there’s plenty for and against, but in my heart I’m taking this as the continuation to re2 lol. You follow Claire as she continues her investigations into where her brother disappeared to, when she’s caught and sent to an umbrella facility on Rockfort Island. All hell breaks loose as the virus spreads across the island, and Claire has to make her way out before it’s too late. Along the way, she meets a nasaly Canadian teen named Steve, whom she bumps into a couple of times before they decide to team up and get off the island together. They eventually end up in Antarctica, and if you couldn’t tell just by the locations alone, this game is a lil whacky. The main antagonists are the Ashford twins, and they’re a little strange, though enjoyable. I found myself laughing at the sheer absurdity of some of the cutscenes, and spoiler alert, you come across Wesker!!! I was so so so excited, he’s blonde, he’s skinny, he’s rich, and he’s a little bit of a bitch. (Honestly, that goes for the Ashfords as well :P)

While the plot is anywhere but down to earth, it was fun to follow and still felt like a resi game. While Steve was silly, I didn’t find him all that annoying, so a particular scene that happens near the end of the game regarding him succeeded in making me quite emotional. It was awesome to see the Redfield siblings together again, the set designs were honestly pretty rad and the music is very memorable.

I noticed a few things during my playthrough that were pretty cool. As this is an older resi game, it has all those door loading screens. They’re really slow and I got a bit impatient at times, but when you were heading in the right direction and it was ramping up to something like a boss fight getting triggered in the next room, the controller would rumble as though it were Claire’s heartbeat. This really excited me and added some more tension, and as it was only on occasion it was pretty fun! Another thing is that because these environments are 3D and not prerendered, there is motion in the (not so) static cam!! I know it's really simple but with subtle and smooth tilts and pans across some of the larger spaces, it made the areas feel so dynamic. It also reduced the need for so many camera angles as it could just move slightly to show more, so I never really found myself getting disoriented. Admittedly, it did take me a while to get used to the tank controls, as the only games that still have them are re0/re1make, and they’ve been refined, but once I figured out how to use my weapons properly, tank controls were pretty fun tbh. It makes me curious to play the ogs, and I’m definitely keen to try figure out a way to play them next year!

One thing I noticed that wasn’t as positive though, as this is an older game there are some spots where you can soft lock yourself in a corner or fuck yourself over with tedious insta kills. I remember the boss fight on the plane, I somehow fucked myself over entirely on that and was lucky to be able to brute force my way through it. There were some sections near the end that had me redoing the same sequence of events over and over because of an insta kill up ahead that was difficult to navigate. The worst of them all for me was the fact that Chris and Claire share item boxes - this makes sense and is pretty neat on it’s own, but this means if I wanted Chris to use a particular weapon or he was holding onto some healing that I really needed, I couldn’t access them unless I was willing to put them in the box and finish his sections without them if I wanted Claire to have them. There were some sections that I utterly fucked myself over with, and I because there’s no indicators of when the swaps are about to happen, how the hell was I supposed to know lol?? It’s obviously not that big a deal, as I did manage to finish it, but hmmm reeks of the bad side of this side of gaming…

Overall, despite some things that didn’t age well, in both story and gameplay, I had so much fucking fun with this and am looking forward to my inevitable replay. I know that I’ll beat my ridiculous time that was 50+ hours cause I forgot to turn my playstation off and left it running overnight a couple of times lmao

Lachrymal / I Love You https://youtu.be/8Yo1DAxPflo / https://youtu.be/nsrOHuGUipU

A Moment of Relief https://youtu.be/mxq5ymqPAsQ

Suspended Doll https://youtu.be/0CFBV424a7A

~~

Re6

Wow, what a mess of a game… I’m sure anyone who knows of this game knows about the messy development schedule and how it kinda messed up everything (there's a good youtube video on it actually https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_uV6vCrBNY ) so I’ll spare that speil and just say: oh my god why do we need this many cooks.

This game is different to previous ones, in that there are campaign modes that have different but interwoven stories. The plot takes place over the span of about six months, though not every campaign takes up the whole six. The first one is of Leon and Helena, this is the closest to resi formula (think re4/5) - the second is Chris and Piers, which felt more like cod than resi - the third was Jake and Sherry, this one was surprisingly nice, kind of like a mix between the vibes in Leon and Chris’ campaigns - and the last one is Ada’s campaign, which aims to tie up all the loose ends. What loose ends, I honestly couldn’t tell you, because the plot was so strange and convoluted that I could barely follow, even after playing through every campaign myself and watching a few lore recaps. It's that bad. (I just watched another two lore recaps for this review just to make sure and man, I still don’t know what’s going on…)

In all honesty, this game is my least favorite so far. The soundtrack isn’t all that memorable, I found the gameplay to be ass and I didn’t know what was going on even as I was playing. Things just happened, and it often felt like plot points were competing with themselves on what could be more shocking instead of figuring out if anything made sense first. It’s clear that some hubris and the assumption that the name ‘resident evil’ would make it sell well, which sucks.

As I mentioned in my re5 review, 5 took so long for me to get into it, the start dragged on and it was only when the stupid plot stuff was stripped away and my main man Wesker started to reveal his plan for TOTAL GLOBAL SATURATION that I was really getting into it. Here for re6, I don’t think I even really had a moment where I could get behind anything. And I was trying, ok? I wanted to follow along and see whats going on, but everything was so ass that the most fun I had was making Leon trip over dead bodies and making everyone either do the tit-punch-of-life or a really homoerotic giving-of-the-tic-tac when I had dangerously low health. This review is going to be so long and vague cause that’s how the game felt, but to try stick to some kind of structure, I think I’ll just try to quickly recap each campaign and chuck out a few points I liked, and bitch about the things I couldn’t stand.

To start with, Leon and Helena’s campaign. This one tried to follow the more familiar resi formulas, with game pieces feeling similar to the Raccoon City outbreak and the whole gameplay path of ‘battle bioweapons, then they get increasingly more dangerous as you get deeper into it. Literally, cause you’re going underground into the pits of bioweapon hell.’ The familiarity of it was nice… I guess. I can’t commit to saying that it was nice, because honestly it was all stuff I’ve seen before, and it was done better in the other games! I did enjoy seeing Leon in his prime dilf-age, looking tired and miserable in his early middle-age, and I like that even though he’s clearly so jaded, there’s little flashes of that rookie cop who just wants to help despite it all. Helena was… fine. I just felt weird that she’s not familiar at all and it took way too long to figure out who she was and how she related to Leon. There’s a cathedral that you go to near the start of their campaign, and although the puzzles were a bit of a slog, I enjoyed the slower pace and having to work through it to open a secret underground. Leon’s campaign had some of the best music as well, two of the three song recs I’m doing are from his lol. This was probably the most straightforward of all the campaigns plot-wise, but it was still confusing, despite having it’s moments. I honestly think the most fun I had with this campaign was finding out Leon can trip over stuff and figuring out how to roll around on the floor. (I took a screenshot of his ass while he was crawling and then he looked back into the camera and now thats my playstation home screen :P) Overall…. Decent, but nothing original was good and nothing familiar was fun unfortunately.

The next campaign is Chris and Piers’. I have quite a few problems with this one tbh, mainly cause they did Chris so dirty. I don’t know what it is with resi developers absolutely fucking him over in some way but bruh. I think I understand him more intimately than you developers ever could and I am deeply upset at the blatant shoving aside of his trauma and ptsd when it could’ve been a really interesting development through the campaign and for his character. While I just complained about Helena being a new character and finding it hard to relate to her and all, Piers was a little easier for me. And no, its not purely cause he’s a cutie and I like his scarf thingy, it’s more because we got to see him in flashbacks and stuff working with Chris so we see HOW their relationship worked in more context than we got with Helena. Piers was good to have as a companion character, (I actually played him instead of Chris lmao) but my one major gripe with him was… why on earth did you pressure Chris into going back into the field when you can see he’s clearly in need of a real holiday where he’s not an alcoholic amnesiac. HE NEEDED HELP! WHY ARE YOU PUSHING HIM TO REMEMBER IN THE MOST TRAUMATIC WAY POSSIBLE???? Because their plot was sorta simple and most of their gameplay felt like a cod rip-off, I was kinda bored for most the playthrough. This campaign reminded me why I never really played gun games growing up lol. However.. To end this chunk on a better note, the final boss looked cool af even though it was weird, and the um. Very spoliery plot point regarding Piers in the boss fight was fun, it was just a shame that all these kinds of fights (where you’re fighting a giant creature of some kind) really dragged out. And iirc correctly I think that I had a similar situation to the Wesker fight in re5 where the finishing blow is one you have to initiate with a qte so I kept fighting way longer than I had to cause I was trying to deliver the final blow myself… I might be wrong on that but. Hmmmm

The Jake and Sherry plot was interesting. It had a lot of silly stuff going on, and a lot of the pacing was janky or dragged out, but I enjoyed them. I was so enamoured seeing Sherry all grown up, and that she still loves Leon and Claire for helping her out of RC, she’s just such a cutie! While she feels like a retread of Leon’s naive-rookie routine, she has enough of her own uniqueness that I genuinely enjoyed her for most of this. Jake on the other hand, while I didn’t hate him, it did take a while for me to come around. In all honesty, I think it was just hard for me to imagine him being Wesker’s illegitimate son… I for one love to sexualise Wesker cause I think it is the ultimate form of entertainment, however I cannot fathom him canonically doing acts that result in a child……. Sir he is like a ken doll down there his only attraction is to power, he gives the same lack of sex vibes that light yagami does. Regardless, Jake has some serious daddy issues, and although I actually really liked the scenes where he and Sherry got to talk a bit, especially as they meet up after being experimented on, it felt weird and sudden that Jake had such strong and swaying feelings about Wesker. It felt artificial, like it’s only written that way to make more drama or something, not to actually develop Jake as a character. By the end, I’m glad to see how far Jake did come as a character, both from going through all this hell and finding out so much about his father and the bioweapon world, and from working with Sherry and learning about how much hell she’s been through as well. In this aspect, I think the Jake/Sherry campaign was my favourite, as the plot felt the nicest and this was The Unique Story for this game; not Leon’s way too familiar and contrived plot, and not Chris’ shooty gun one. If this campaign was fleshed out better, and had competent writers, I feel it would’ve been nice to focus on these guys for the plot of the game, and have the rest of the campaigns be delegated into quick side stories or bonus things like the Ada campaigns in re4.

Then there’s Ada… I really liked just playing single player as a single person again, this forced two player means that you have shitty ai partners if you have no friends (like me :c). Honestly, I found these guys worse than Sheva in re5 - I don't know how that happens, but Ada being alone was a fresh breath. Up till this point, there were so many plot points that didn’t make sense and hadn’t been fully resolved yet, and I was hoping that Ada’s campaign would clear things up, but it didn’t really. I don’t know if it was a net zero on things cleared up or if I had more questions than answers after completing. I don’t have much more to add that I haven’t already said so. Lol Ada’s a cutie.

Overall, this game was so clunky, and I don’t just mean plot wise. The UI was fucking awful and it changed slightly with every campaign. A strange scrabble wheel to select weapons is not helpful, and coloured lights that don’t fucking mean anything to me is annoying as hell. I know I can’t compare it to the more modern games like re2make where I just loved the ui, but bro this was abysmal. There was also no map, you just click a button and it points to where you’re supposed to go, and to me it made the already linear and railroaded maps feel moreso. This game just sucks lol, I might play it again just to play the other characters in each campaign, but its not really worth it. I can tell you a massive part I won’t look forward to in replays is all the shitty qte, they’re ugly af and feel like massive fuck-you’s to the pacing and intensity of the gameplay. Re4 got it right and made them enhance the experience (although they didn’t need to be there, they were a nice addition imo) re5’s were… less good, but they tried I guess, and here in re6… god I hate them so much.

Oh and one last thing, one of the best parts of resi games is finding lore files across the environment and reading it IN THAT ENVIRONMENT. That doesn’t happen here. Instead there are these annoying blue medallions that you have to destroy and that unlocks lore files in an arcade cabinet screen outside of the game. Its shit. Re5 did this a bit, but it had a blend of some in game files and then BSAA documents to read from the menu outside the game. Why would they just get rid of everything and have all the lore files in a menu outside the game!! They’re not even interesting to read, and half the charm is coming across them in context! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Mercenaries Results Screen https://youtu.be/OR36QJnCS5E

Back for More https://youtu.be/mZ2SsWKls0A

Through the Fatal Gas https://youtu.be/9FiV9JF69Tw

~~

RE7

This game is the soft reboot the series desperately needed. This was the game that originally piqued my interest in the series due to it being VR compatible. No, I did not play in VR, but I had a lot of fun regardless. I think I’d like to try playing it in VR and see how it changes the experience, as I noticed that the fov was really narrow and everything felt right on top of my nose and way too close in a not so fun way. This honestly gave me a bit of trouble with navigating the space, as it affected my in-game spatial awareness - though I’m also not willing to hold that against this game, as I haven’t really played many first person games like this, at least not recently. Overall though, once I kind of got a feel for it all, I had a pretty good time.

Being first person, the player is meant to assume a more projective role onto our protag, Ethan Winters. He’s simple, he’s boring, he has some of the worst one liners in response to the shit that goes on around him - I LOVE IT. I have a few things to say about the whole Ethan thing, but I think I’ll save it for the re8 chunk. The game’s premise is that you’ve lost your wife, Mia, and haven’t heard from her until just recently, where she gives her location. Ethan rushes over to Dulvey, Louisiana, where he comes across the Baker estate, and encounters all the mouldy horrors that await him. You have to make your way through the Baker family, while the estranged daughter Zoe tries to help you through the trials on the property until you can finally escape.

All in all, I liked this one and it was the scariest by far. I got pretty spooked on my fist few playthroughs of re1/2make, but here in 7 there were times where I ended up pacing around the room before I realised it and had to play in much smaller chunks than I usually do. I ended up watching a playthrough alongside my own, not to spoil myself but just to see that someone else made it through in a similar way that I did lmao. Just mad props all round for bringing horror back, and realising that the true horror was Americans all along.

While the Baker family as bosses were fairly unique, and the plotline with Eveline was interesting for the most part, the enemy designs were really bland tbh. The first couple of times you see a moulded, its gross as fuck and a good spook, but then as you get further into the game and keep seeing the same moulded enemies, it really wears thin. It felt like there were only two or three variants on the mould design, with only a couple of other little unique things to fight - that gets really really boring really really quickly. I thought we had all learnt by now that the more you see the mysterious scary monster, the less scary and more goofy it gets…

There also wasn’t that many puzzles tbh, but after how abysmal 6 was I was so happy to see anything that vaguely resembled a puzzle in this game lol. Instead, my main gripe is with Mia, and the weird shit that happens at the end. It’s hard to talk about without completely spoiling the game, but there was a lot that just didn’t gel with me, and seemed to follow the classic ‘everything unravels into madness’ towards the end.’ Despite that, I enjoyed it a lot, and even though there are other resi games I’d rather replay more than this one, I think I’ll enjoy coming back to it on occasion.

I also gotta squeeze in a quick appreciation for the tapes, I thought they were so clever and a great way to add tension in a unique manner. Great reboot and I highly recommend playing or watching a playthrough if this game catches your fancy, I don’t think you’ll be too disappointed.

Saferoom https://youtu.be/lvsxfgABQss

Main Menu https://youtu.be/I9T-1VMzcNI

Go Tell Aunt Rhody https://youtu.be/IHwnNbJkXNw

~~

RE8

Whew, what a game. I was excited for this one to come out, and it was super fun to play it while it was fairly new. I say fairly, cause although I wanted very much to play it as soon as I got home from the shops, I unfortunately am an adult with things that take up my time so I couldn’t neglect all responsibility and play immediately. The three times I’ve played this already have more than made up for that. I had so much fucking fun with this game, that even though I have very real grievances with it, I’m willing to look past them a litlle cause I just had that good a time with it. I even streamed a playthrough on twitch, which was super fun, and I’m interested in replaying a few other resi games while I’m still in my uni holidays too.

You reprise your role of Ethan Winters, with significantly more spunk. Ethan’s been relocated to Europe now that he’s been reunited with his wife, and they had little baby Rosemary. The game starts up with their domestic stuff as you do the night routine and put Rose to bed, but just when you’re about to sit down to eat, Mia gets shot. A full on raid of the house as Chris Redfielf himself refuses to communicate and takes away Ethan’s baby right in front of him. The van he was placed in was destroyed, leaving him abandoned in the middle of a Winter-y nowhere, and he comes across the village. It’s here that you learn that Mother Miranda and the four lords have stolen your baby, and it’s up to you to get her back. Like!? That’s fucking awesome!

I mentioned something I wanted to talk about in regards to Ethan in the re7 section, and that would be the whole ‘projection onto protagonist.’ I know that it was a huge thing back in the 90s/00s, but I don’t think you can really get away with those kinds of games unless you have a custom character (even then, I’d still argue that). In RPGs with silent protags, even someone like Link from LoZ, they’re silent and were intended for the player to project onto them so that they feel part of the world and journey. I don’t think that can really happen though, as even silent protags can have quite strong personalities, which can break that ‘immersion.’ Ethan was intended to have this level of projection, however his personality in 7 was so boring and strange that pretty much everyone felt taken out of it. Also, if you want us as players to project onto him, why is he saying one-liners? Shouldn’t we have the option to choose what one liners we say, if we are truly meant to be ‘the protag?’ I think that the developers took that kind of criticism that was floating around from 7 and really fleshed out Ethan more in 8, and I appreciate that so much. Cause the fact is, I’m not Ethan Winters, but I sure as hell wanna make sure he gets his baby back. I appreciated that he felt much more like a person, and it honestly made some of his weird comebacks and dialogue feel better because they weren’t trying to go ‘oh but its you lol.’ The one thing that does bother me about Ethan here though, is the fucking lengths they go to to hide his face. I get it, he’s not supposed to be the star, but HE IS. Having distractingly obvious things such as drapes over mirrors, mirrors that are plain dirty or blacked out ect was silly in all the environments. I’d be willing to roll my eyes and get over it if we could’ve seen his face in the final cutscene, as the impact would’ve hit so much better if we could’ve seen his expression at the end of the game. Fuck man, I love this boring little dude, and these small and weird choices make it a massive roadblock for people to like him, which is clearly the opposite of what the devs were intending.

Back to the meat of the game - the four lords were all unique, both in their ‘realms’ and final battles, though it was clear that some were given way more attention than others. Lady D is obviously the fan favourite, her castle is super reminiscent of the spencer mansion from re1, and it was so fun exploring through it. I know I’m almost infamous for how cranky I get with modern stuff sometimes, and it feels like sometimes I’m the only one with these ‘outdated’ opinions, but this game got so much right. The attention to detail was so apparent in the castle, though I will say I loved stock sound effect #3 for the breaking vase sound.

Donna Beneviento is the next lord, and her house was really nice tbh, though I think it would’ve had a greater impact if she was at least swapped with Morau, as her schtick was that you were stripped of all your weapons and had to make it out alive. That kind of thing was effective, but not utilised well as it was so early in the game. If you’re going to strip me of my weapons and make me feel vulnerable, do it when I’ve gotten so reliant on them that it gives me a hard slap to the face to have them removed. However, I liked this, despite how short it was. It was fun playing hide and seek with da baby, and I liked the psychological attacks, I just wish she was given more… I feel she really fell flat and I flew through her section, especially after how grand Lady D’s place was, which was unfortunate. I would’ve liked to know more and spend more time with Beneviento, but alas…

Next is Morau, and he was just gross tbh lol. He was kinda sad and pathetic, which could elicit sympathy in some, but I was a bit more ehhh on this part. I remember exploring the village and having fun going ‘this feels like re4!’ but when I got to Morau’s boss fight I remember turning to my roommate and going ‘eugh, this feels like re6.” It was still unique and interesting, and ultimately it was more enjoyable than actual re6 boss arenas, so whatever.

The last lord, and my personal favourite, is Hiesenburg. He and Lady D had such a raw charisma that was so enthralling to watch, the actors did such an amazing job bringing these guys to life. Heisenburg’s battle theme was also one of my favourites, however his battle was one of my least favourites (can’t decide if I like it more or less than the Morau one…) I was saving my magnum ammo just for you ya manwhore, why did you have to turn into the kaiju mecha thing… Based on his powers with metal telekinesis, I thought I was going to have to get creative, but nah. Launch shit at his face with a scrappy handmade tank lol. At least the music was super banging. His factory was interesting, however it didn’t really feel like a resi location at times. There were some parts that felt like the science facility in 4 and the caves in 5, and while I enjoyed it immensely, it did feel just a little adjacent.

All in all, I loved going through the village, and all of the lords on the whole were super fun. I’ve had so much fun replaying that even though the story kinda falls flat for me, its a rare case of me enjoying it anyway. My gripes lay mainly with the main villain and Chris. Chris was done dirty yet again, and I’d like to formally request that capcom put him on the shelf or something until they figure out what they’d actually like to do with him before they destroy him even more. If looking like the saddest not-my-roderick in re7 wasn't enough, although he’s a smoking dilf here, he is so piss poor at communicating and makes some of the worst decisions ever that it frustrates me to no end. He really expected Ethan to just butt out of all of this, when from his pov this whole mess started with Chris raiding the house, murdering his wife in front of him and stealing his baby. There’s even a lore file (fuck yeah lore file!) that states that Ethan’s gone through military training at Chris’ request - how the fuck do you have this man who survived the Baker incident on his own with only the inherent gun knowledge that all Americans have, and whom you’ve now put through training, to just sit aside and be a civilian. He’s not a fucking civvy, he’s more tied up in this than you want to think, Chris, and it’d actually work more in your favour to let him fucking help and just support him. This is why Piers should’ve picked Chris up and sent him straight to rehab so he can work through his mental health and sober up. With the way things were going with the main antagonist, Mother Miranda, I thought that they were going to reveal that she has shapeshifted into being Chris to frighten and confuse Ethan.

Lets talk about Miranda, actually. She has the power to change her form, and she rules over this village like a religious figure, and her motivation is based on almost a century-long grief. It’s simple enough, but I felt that honestly it was a bit too simple in a plain way, especially compared with the kinds of backstories the four lords had. I liked Ethan standing up to her to fight for his baby back, and her many forms in the final fight were grotesque and fucking beautiful, but she felt like such a weak antagonist imo.

The worst offence for me though, is the way they tried to tie it all into the greater resi lore. There are lore files at the end that link her with the Eveline stuff from re7, that's fine and dandy, and I expected it would be closely linked with 7 since it shares protags. But there is this one file that completely retcons her into being the reason why umbrella exists. IT PISSES ME OFF SO FUCKING MUCH. I know this is just a video game and I shouldn’t care this much, but I do. It's bad, if you’re going to retcon it and make it that sloppy and ‘oh actually, she’s the reason lol’ then. Can you at least make her fucking origin story and motive stronger?

Sighhh…. I think I need to replay if I want to get any deeper into it cause it has been a few months now since I’ve played, but there are really big gripes I have with this game that pain me. Putting them aside though, this has been one of my favourite installments in the series. The fov and feeling like things were on the tip of my nose I brought up in 7 didn’t feel like that here, I don’t know if thats due to 7 being VR compatible and just meant to be played inside the helmet, or if they fixed up those kinds of things and really refined it here. Either way, I enjoy it, and my last pissy moment will be to say that the map was a bit eughhh, if you zoomed in or out too far it changed what kinds of thing you could see on the map, and it was really fucking annoying. I liked the whole hand drawn map aesthetic, but after being spoilt with how lovely the map was in re2r… bruh moment. One thing I really did love tho was that Ethan keep a dairy and draws little pictures for it and I think that’s awesome.

Highly, highly recommend playing, even if you haven’t played much resi before this, as its such a genuinely fun experience all around despite little things, and when you feel like you’ve got a grip over all the controls, boy does it feel good to play.

Yearning for Dark Shadows https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpp_1J2jyjs

The Final Movement (Hiesy battle fuck yeah!) https://youtu.be/c7opH26BQio

Soundtrack Trailer https://youtu.be/bDVcgOaVyqw

~~

To close - I really love this series, and clearly have some strong opinions on them. I've really enjoyed playing this year, even though there were some parts that were slogs. I've almost completed my collection, only the two revelation games left :'( I will be sad to have played through my collection, and looking forward to playing more of the older games in some form or other. I have also been considering doing reviews of the movies, as I am a film student and all, and I've already seen most of them. I'll see if I can polish off the rest of them for next year, but for now, thanks for reading and look forward to more ramblings in the next instalment :P

[ray-ray-writings]

Faking Happy-Platonic!Awesamdude

#105 from this prompt list! Check out my masterlist here!

This is a platonic!awesamdude x gn!reader in the dreamsmp! Reader is also Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy’s sibling, although that isn’t really hit on a lot. 

Trigger Warnings: Depressive behavior such as overeating, overeating unhealthy foods.

The bottle Y/N has been filling with their emotions finally tips over and overflows. 

Y/N’s POV

I let out a sniff as I wiped at my nose. I don’t know what is wrong with me recently. It just felt like everything had gone to shit. Tommy had been exiled. Techno moved super far away. Wilbur is dead and Ghostbur remembers basically nothing. And worst of allI haven’t been able to see my best friend for a long time. Sam had been my best friend for as long as I can remember. 

We met when I was attempting to add some flare to my house with redstone and nothing I was doing was working. I asked around and many pointed me in the direction of Sam. He helped me out a lot, and by that I mean he did it all. Finishing the project did not stop him from coming over almost everyday and from then on one was rarely seen without the other. 

But a few days after Tommy’s exile, Dream came to Sam with a stack of diamond blocks. Dream asked Sam to build him a prison. But not just any type of prison. An inescapable prison. One where if someone were to be put in there, they wouldn’t be able to escape. It took days of planning but Sam finally got the blue prints and then he went to work. 

Every once in a while I would pop by and visit him. He would show me what he was doing and tell me all about it. But the more I visited, the shorter the tours and explanations got until finally all I got was a simple wave. I haven’t been back to the construction site since that day. 

My chest felt so heavy. I missed my best friend with everything I had. But I couldn’t let others see that. Anytime I went out. I plastered a fake smile on my face. I gave everyone cheerful smiles and waves as I passed through. I made time to stop and chat with Tubbo, Quackity, Fundy, and Ranboo. Always being sure to fake laugh at their jokes and waving off their worries and concerns. I would pop into Niki’s bakery, buying all the sweets that I could so I could binge eat them when I’m feeling lonely. Niki would always give me a supportive smile whenever I bought my weight in sweets but would never question me, something I would forever be grateful for. Life had just not been kind to me. 

A knock on my front door startled me out of my crying pity party. I quickly rubbed the tears from my eyes and took some deep breaths, trying to calm myself enough so that it looked like I hadn’t been crying my eyes out. The knock sounded once more, this time more demanding. “Coming!” I managed to croak out. I stood from my couch and quickly made my way to the door. With my hand on the handle I took one more deep breath before plastering the biggest smile I could muster on my face. I swung the door open and gasped in surprise. 

“Sam! What are you doing here?!” I exclaimed in surprise. Sam querked an eyebrow at the question, “What do you mean? Do I have to have a reason to come and see my best friend?” The tall man questioned. “No, no, no!” I rushed, moving out of the doorway to let him in, “It’s just I thought you were too busy with the prison to come visit me” I admitted, tucking hair behind my ear. Sam’s face slightly fell at my confession. He cleared his throat as he entered my home, “I’m never too busy to see you.” He stated walking further into my home. I let out a tiny scoff as I shut the door. “We both know that’s not true.” I muttered under my breath. 

I found Sam in my kitchen, staring at the slight mess of baked goods. “So, how’ve you been?” Sam questioned, brushing a cupcake wrapper out of his way. “Oh, I’ve been good… Yeah good.” I lied through my teeth. “How have you been?” Sam silently stared at me. “Y/N?” He asked, not answering my question. “Yeah?” I responded, not looking at him. “Are you lying to me?” Damn it. Sam had always been able to tell when I wasn’t telling him the truth. I was hoping that maybe that being away from him for so long, his ability would lessen. 

“What? No! Why would you think that?!” I claimed incredulously, slightly glancing at him, hoping to throw him off. “You are! You are lying to me! You haven’t been good have you?” He pressed harder. I swallowed harshly, my mouth felt dry. “I’m not lying. I’ve been good! I’m happy! See!” I exclaimed, looking at him and giving him a big fake grin, “Now tell me how you’ve been, how’s the prison going?” I questioned, trying desperately to get the topic off of me. “Prison’s fine. Now tell me how you’ve really been. Why haven’t you been happy?” I couldn’t help but scoff and roll my eyes, “Sam, I told you I’m fine! I’m happy. I’ve been happy. Now will you please just lay off and leave me alone about it?” I snapped harshly, maybe too harshly. 

Sam’s eyes widened at my tone. His face screamed hurt which made my stomach twist in guilt. “Sam,” I began gently, trying to move forward but he recoiled. “You know what? I’ve got to go,” He stated plainly. Sam moved out of my kitchen and back toward the front door. “Sam!” I pleaded, trying to get him to stay for a moment. He wasn’t listening. “I’ve got to go back to work at the prison. Dream needs it done soon.” He claimed, throwing open my front door and taking a few steps out. I followed him and was met with cold water hitting my face. It was raining… perfect. “Sam, please listen to me. Let me explain,” I begged the man I called my best friend. Sam pulled out his enchanted trident from his inventory. I knew he was about to fly away. “You know Y/N,” Sam stated, pausing after taking his trident out, “You’re my best friend. I want nothing more in this world for you to be happy. “I hope one day you’re as happy as you’re pretending to be.” “Sam” I choked out, silently praying that he would turn around and hear me out. My prayers weren’t answered. “Goodbye Y/N” And with a flash of lighting, he was gone. 

My legs gave out from beneath me. For once, I allowed myself to break down outside the comfort of my home. I sat there outside of my front door, sobbing in the rain. I didn’t care who saw me at this point. I had lost my best friend. “Y/N?” I heard a sweet voice call. I didn’t register them in front of me. They helped me stand up and go back inside of my house. They closed the door and helped me sit down on the floor in front of my door. I don’t know how long I sobbed in their chest. But they held me and stroked my hair. 

When the tears vacated my eyes, I was able to see that the sweet voice had belonged to none other than Niki. When our eyes met, she gave me a soft smile. “I knew something was going on with you, but I never wanted to over step. You want to talk about it?” She questioned softly. I mentally debated with myself before deciding that yes, I did want to talk about it. And so I told Niki everything. She patiently listened and nodded along to show she was listening and interested. And when I was done, she sat for a moment to digest everything. 

“You need to talk to him,” She declared after a moment, “He’s your best friend and he deserves to know how you feel. Especially if you’re feeling like this.” I let out a sigh and nodded. “You’re right. But after today, I’m not sure he would want to see me.” “Your best friend as much as he is yours. I’m sure he would love to see you.” Silence settled between us for a brief moment. “Okay,” I claimed slowly standing up. “I’m going to go see him… and I’m going to take a pumpkin pie.” Niki let out a giggle as she stood up as well. “Oh I’m sure he’ll love that.” We both laughed at that. Sam had always been a sucker for Niki’s pumpkin pie. 

I thanked Niki profusely for helping me and listening to me. She assured me that it was no problem and then she left. I quickly packed for the small journey to the prison, making sure not to forget the pie and then I set out. It didn’t take me too long to get there, the many times I had made this trek before really came in handy. The walk was now basically muscle memory, I could do it with my eyes closed. Which was good considering my eyes were really puffy from crying. 

I let out a deep breath as the prison came into view. I noticed that the outside was a lot more finished than when I was here last, but I could tell there was still work to be done. I quickly made my way to the entrance and stopped in the doorway. My eyes scanned around and didn’t see him. My shoulders deflated in defeat, maybe he already left for the day and I missed him. 

“Y/N?” A voice called from behind me causing me to jump. I whipped around and came face to face with the man I was looking for. “Hey,” I greeted sheepishly, taking a small step forward. “What are you doing here?” He questioned, a stony expression set on his face. “I… Uhh. I came to apologize and explain.” I confessed. His hard expression fell from his face. “Go on…” I took a deep breath before nodding. And so I let everything spill out of me. I told him all about how I felt like I had lost all of my brothers. I literally lost Wilbur and the other two are so far away, I might as well have lost them too. On top of that, I told him how not seeing him had affected me and my mental health. How I had been faking being happy because I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone. I admitted to him my unhealthy habits of buying as much as I could from Niki’s and then binge eating instead of facing my feelings. And finally I told him that seeing him today and him calling me out just caused everything to break in me. 

“I am really really sorry for what I said to you Sam. I didn’t mean it. I don’t want you to lay off. I don’t want you to leave me alone. I always want you to bother me and check up on me and talk to me. You’re my best friend and I love you.” I finished, a single tear falling down my cheek. Sam didn’t hesitate, he rushed forward and wrapped me up in his arms and held me close to his chest. He brought his head down and rested his chin on the top of my head as we hugged. “Thank you for apologizing,” He murmured, “I love you too. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize you were hurting sooner. I promise that I will bother you everyday if need be. I never want you feeling like that again.” “I’ll hold you to that promise. If it means I get to go back to seeing you everyday, count me in.” I stated with a grin, tilting my head to look into his eyes. I felt Sam’s chest rumble as he chuckled at my statement but said nothing else.

After a few more moments of hugging, I suddenly remembered my surprise for him. “Oh!” I gasped, unwrapping myself from my best friend’s hold, “I brought you something!” I carefully pulled the pie out of my backpack and presented it to Sam. “Tada!” I exclaimed, extending the pie to my bestie. Sam let out a gasp as he accepted the gift. “A Pumpkin pie? From Niki’s?? Oh you’re actually the best!” Sam exclaimed, grabbing the spoon I had brought him as well and immediately began digging in. I let out a laugh as he shoved the pumpkin dessert in his mouth. “What?” He questioned, his mouth full. I shook my head as I giggled, “Nothing. Nothing at all.” 

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