#And I really really wanna help to take some of their burden off but yea I think we need some help

[queersolarpunk]

aanyone got some advice for how to save a house from damage from cold rooms?

Soo, I live in a house with my sister and her husband in Germany (it's their house) and we haven't had consistent heating for weeks now. By now, I think it's been two weeks without any heating. So far we were lucky and the temperatures stayed very high for this time of year and we're going to the gym for warm showers (I got so sick of cold showers, they suck and the water feels seriously icy).

Anyway now we got to the situation that the heating likely can't be repaired (even though we paid so much already to try and get it fixed) getting a new one will take at least a month, likely longer. Temperatures are gone drop next week. All three of us work a lot so we haven't had the time to do the research we should've done but I just realised the risks there are for the house apart from our discomfort (which I would've been fine with). But I read that with low temps inside below 15°C there's a risk of condensation and mold and of course with lower temperatures where the water can freeze the pipes can get fucked. We're probably gonna get an electric heater for at least one room, but there's barely used (not fully renovated) rooms. We're gonna be so insanely broke if we put heaters in every room (and we're gone need that money to get the new heating installed).

Anyway, I just had the hope with the type of people around on Tumblr (weirdly specific interests etc) anyone might have some advice/ reblog with the tags to bring it to the people that might have advice

[mccnstruck]

hHHII i saw ur latest fic and I LVOE IT RBROROOR

could u do akito x f!reader wheheere the reader has a rivalry relationship w akkto (SHH I LOVE ENEMKES TO LOVERS) and normally readers like happy but one day reader is sorta sad,(mommy issjes💀) and akito notices, she trjes to cover up saykg shss okay, but eventually around at the end kf school akito was walking and noticed reader by themselves, and went up to them, just to see their eyes red and puffy, and thejr hands were shaky, then akito asks what’s wrong and again reader says it’s nothing and does a excuse, akito was buying it and gently held their hands to try to stop it from shaking, and reader gets flustred sorta saying shes fine and to let go, akito then says he’ll let go after reader tells their problems, and reader kept denying cause they dont wanna be a burden, andddd you can decide what happens next😭

IM SORRY IF THSI IS TOO MCUH

characters: akito x gn!reader

tags: mentions of derealization, mommy issues, akitos really blunt idfk, profanities, hurt/comfort, not proofread, ooc, not proofread, long fic

a/n: HI !!!! just a few things i wanted to say:

- as soon as i saw mommy issues i RANNNNN with this request. sorry. it might be a lil specific. but. yea 😋.

- sorry but i dont take f!reader !! gives me dysphoria, so it got switched to gn!reader sorry <\3

- i went really deep into this request and may or may not have done a whole akito characterization just to find how he comforts people. so yea

thank you for requesting i hope u enjoy !!!!

Akito sighed while walking through the corridors.

The scent of spring's arrival was felt throughout the school. People sat outside in their free period, windows were open, and the wind breezed through Akito's ginger hair, giving a playful ruffle before escaping through the window to torment another student.

It was a shame Akito didn't spend it with anyone. Toya was busy helping the library, Akito was hiding from An monitering the hallways, and Mizuki was not in school today, or any day for that matter. Talking to the crazy duo in school was absolutely a no-go, and to be fair he didn't feel like talking to any of his classmates.

Welp, he would just have to enjoy the nice weather by himself, he thought.

As if a coincidence, he saw a familiar figure sitting outside a classroom, scribbling notes down. He was too far away to examine the features of the figure, but the aggressiveness of the pen hitting the notebook sent a uneasy feeling in Akito's chest.

He walked closer, to find you, eyes glaring the paper down as if it wronged you. As if it hurt you.

As if the red error marks glared at you, reminding you of the disappointment you would have to face back home.

Akito walked towards you and grinned, unknowing of your situation as of current.

"Hey, [Name]. Preparing for the test?"

You look up and forced the corners of your mouth to turn upward, your eyes contradicting your smile.

"Hey Akito! What's up with you?"

Now that was odd, Akito furrowing his eyebrows with suspicion.

No cheeky remark back, the excessive kindness you were showing him... hell, your eyes looked dull! The shine of the morning sun seemed as if it was absorbed in a black hole of misery, even though the sun shone through the school windows.

Akito glanced at you and your notebook. Now that he had a better view, he noticed the sloppy handwriting and highlighted words that shouldn't have been highlighted. On the middle of the pages, he saw blurred pencil marks as tear marks stained your paper.

"Hey,  you seem a 'lil.. off today, everything alright?"

"Yep! Why'd you ask?"

Akito stayed silent, hoping for some truth to come out of your mouth, but alas, he came to no avail.

"No reason. I'ma head out now..."

"Take care!"

Akito nodded his head in acknowledgement and walked away from you, who began to immediately scribble down notes again. Akito took one glance at you, the side of you he had never seen, before turning and going down the stairs. He gave himself a mental note to check up on you by the end of the school day before finally heading to his next class.

But when the final bell did ring and the teacher sighed in relief, Akito walked to what he assumed to be your final class... to not seeing you in the class. He checked the classroom where he saw you last, he checked the courtyard and the commons, he checked the rooftop... but no sight of you anywhere.

He groaned in frustration, and walked down the rooftop stairs. Checking the corridors one last time, he finally decided to give up and walk back down.

I'll just see them tomorrow, they'll probably be somewhat normal by then.

Walking down the stairs in disappointment, he decided to take a shortcut Rui mentioned in passing to exit out from the side of the school. If he just made a left here, and walk down these stairs...

He wouldn't find the exit, but he would've found a pretty familiar backpack. Next to the backpack was a familiar person, in fact, someone he had been meaning to see.

But walking down the stairs, even as his steps echoed through the staircase, you didn't move at all, refusing to look at who was coming down.

He sat on the stairs next to you, and let out a small "hey", hoping for a moment you were alright. He was utterly wrong.

When you raised your head from your hands, Akito's eyes widen at the tear stains down your face. Your hands were shaking, your eyes looked like you've been crying for hours, and with every feature of your shrouded by misery, you could only respond with a "hey."

"[Name]. What happened?"

You try to laugh it off, but it came out weak and desperate for help.

"I'm fine Akito, there's no reason to get so worried."

"You're in the middle of the stairs, looking like you've been crying for hours, your notes from earlier had tear stains when I saw you, and you're telling me there's no need to worry?"

He gently grabbed your shaking hands before you could wipe off your tears and held them in his own. With your hands in his, you were forced to acknowledge his olive green eyes and his stern expression watching you.

"I'm not leaving you here to feel like crap by yourself. We're rivals, but I'm not an asshole either."

"Akito.... it's the end of the day, don't you have to get home anyways...?"

"Don't want to. Rather go to sleep with no worries."

"At least you can let go of my hands."

"I'm not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong. It's bad to bury your feelings, y'know."

You felt warmth in your chest, whether it was his hands holding yours, the close proximity between you both, or the much needed reassurance you got. You tried pulling your hands away slowly, but he only tightened his grip on yours, rubbing his thumb on your skin.

"Akito... I'm gonna bother you."

"If you're worried about bothering me, good. Bother me as much as you like. You can repay me with a trip to the coffee shop I like, if you really feel bad."

A silence, as Akito watched your face in concentration.

"Could I take you to the cafe right now? It could distract me, and I wanna repay you back now."

"Sure, I'm a little hungry anyways. You might want to wash your face, then we'll head out."

You slung your backpack over with one arm and stood up after Akito. He walked down the stairs, but there was one problem.

"Are you gonna let go of my hand?"

"Nope. Can't have you running off."

You grumbled under your breath a string of curses, saying how "unnecessary he was".

Although you were far from ok, Akito grinned at your remarks, relishing in your usual mood coming back.

You guys walked out of the staircase doors and you got to finally wash your face and fix your appearance, before leaving the school.

The walk to the cafe contained the usual bickering, but you noticed how softer he was with his words. You silently appreciated his comfort, before finally heading in the building.

The bell rings in announcement to your arrival, and the cashier up from greets you with a smile.

"Welcome in!"

You give a small smile to the cashier and Akito does as well. You both look at the menu, discussing the new flavors added, before Akito puts his order in, looking at you. You point to what you want, and Akito adds your order.

The clicks of the cashier added to the coffee roasting and the warm pancakes, while the gentle laughter you heard from the couple next to the door brought you to look around. The lights were dimmed, and plants grew on almost every wall in the cafe. It was slow, not many people were here, yet the scene you were in felt... nice. And with Akito next to you, you almost could..be ok. You realized you would be ok. One coffee date at a time.

Wait. Coffee date?

Your face grew hot at your own thoughts, and you turn away from Akito to pretend looking at anywhere else but him.

Jeez, [Name], get yourself together.

You took a deep breath, and looked back at the counter where the cashier quickly wrote something down.

"Sorry for the delay you two! Your total is 3970 yen."

Akito began to open his backpack, but you were faster, sliding the money towards the cashier. She began to laugh at Akito's surprise, and started to exchange cash for change.

Akito looked back at you and gave a look, his eyes screaming "you-should've-let-me-pay".

The cashier gave you your change and began to work on the order, while you both headed to a seat next to a window. Setting your backpacks down, Akito finally spoke up.

"I was already getting money out, you should've let me paid."

"Well," you grinned, "I had my money out first, slow poke."

"I...slow poke?! When was the last time you did anything in PE??"

"Oi, shut it!"

The rest of your time spent together was well spent bickering and laughing to each other's jokes. Your both grabbed your respective orders, and with the food just melting in your mouth and Akito's company, time passed by like a breeze.

You both snickered at a memory that occured one of your shared classes with him, your laugh getting louder with every second. You clamped your mouth with your hands, but your laughter still seeped through your fingers.

Laughter finally quieting down and the remaining food packed away, you both settled into a comfortable silence. The ambience of people chatting and spoons clicking soon embaced both of you like a blanket, almost comforting.

"Are you ready to go home yet?" Akito asked.

Ah. You knew this moment could only last for so long, yet... you still clinged onto this experience, knowing it was going to escape your grasp and turn into a memory.

Your mind felt as if your body wasn't at the coffee shop, and this was somehow a dream. No matter how much you distract yourself from it, you were always going to be home. home. home? was it even a home? would mother look at you and welcome you h ome? or would her dissatisfaction ooze through the "welcome h om e"  rug in the front? when did your home turn into a house, when did you started calling mom mother? when did-

"[Name]?"

"Ah! Sorry Akito, um.. could we stay for a few more minutes?"

He nods in agreement and the silence wrapped you both once again.

"I don't know what you've been dealing with, but... I get not wanting to go home."

"...Really?"

"Yea, plenty of times." He leaned his head on the back of the seat. "My dad, sometimes his words were a bit too much to handle. Sometimes, during days that were hard, his words were too little to matter."

He continued with a serious, more quieter tone. "Truthfully, I just had to keep moving. If i waited for his words of encouragement, I would've waited for too long to pursue my passions. I don't know about you, but time moves too fast to sit and wait for people to agree with you."

You gently nodded your head in understanding, yet...

"How would I explain that to my mom?"

"Hm?"

"Like... she's never happy. Always on me about something. And when I do reach her expectations, she discards everything I do and always needs to say how there's someone better. Someone worth enough for her satisfaction."

Akito sighed in a shared understanding of your situation. Yet, his first words in response contain of, "What are you trying to achieve?"

Your furrow your eyebrows. "Huh?"

"Is your hours of studying and notebooks full of material just for pleasing your mom?"

"I..."

What were you doing this for? Your mom, your future? What were you spending all this time for?

"I'm not trying to give you an identity crisis, or make you decide your future right now. But just... think about that. People are going to be better. That's just something in life. Hell, you could be the worst at something even with all your hard work. You could be the worst at singing. You could be so far away from reaching your goals. Even with hard work, people with talent will still be better than you."

Realizing what he was getting at, you sadly mumbled, "Akito..."

"But if you're gonna be the worst at something, if you're gonna let your mom's words get to you... all that hours of work is gone if you just sit there and let it go to waste."

Akito looked over to you, watching your eyes focus on the table as if something clicked in your head. He softly smiled.

"I've seen your hours of studying. Yea, I'm better at sports, but no way I can compare to your notes. I might have to start commissioning you to do my work for me."

You laughed at his compliment towards you. "Oh, give up on our rivalry?"

"Not in a million years. That is, if you don't ever stop trying. Never stop trying, [Name]."

You looked at the table to hide the tears building in your eyes, but Akito inevitably saw and snickered. "Getting emotional over the truth?"

"Shut it, Akito! That was... actually really good advice. You should be like, an motivational speaker."

"Nope, I think I would insult half of the audience."

"Actually, nevermind. You would yell at the audience."

Laughter rang through one last time, before you both were left smiling.

"Are you ready to go home yet?" Akito asked.

"...Yea. I am."

Making sure you got everything, you both headed to the doors and immediately felt the spring breeze blow through each other's hair.

"I... thank you Akito. For everything today."

Akito stuffed his hands in his pockets and grinned. "Thank you for the food."

You reached your hand out as if to greet him.

Akito grinned and took out one of his hands from his pockets, and shook your hand. "I'll see you around, [Name]."

You waved and finally headed to your respective directions. The memories now ran though your head, but one in particular stuck out.

"Not in a million years. That is, if you don't ever stop trying. Never stop trying, [Name]."

You smiled.

You wouldn't ever stop trying. Thank you, Akito.

-

When you head back to school the next day, it was all normal. You greeted your friends, and were headed to your first class.

When walking through the halls, you and Akito made eye contact. He bowed his head in respect, and you followed. Smiling you waved at each other before being swept away by the bustling crowds.

The breeze blew through the corridors of the school, wild and free. Whistling a tune, the wind breezed through your hair before escaping through the window to torment another student, and to wish Kamiyama Highschool another day of spring.

reposting or plagiarizing of my works is not allowed under any circumstances.

[sarahrogersevans]

You Can Be Whoever You Wanna Be Now- protective!Bucky Barnes shy!xreader fan fic

Summary: Bucky saved Y/N (an old friend) from Hydra with some help from Steve Rogers & Bucky comforts her and lets her know everything will be alright

Warnings: angsty, fluff, mentions of hydra mind control, soft protective Bucky, mentions of feeling scared ends happy, let me know if I miss anything

~Bucky’s POV~

Ever since I got out of Hydra’s control and joined the Avengers it’s been great helping people. My friend Steve and I just got back from fighting Hydra again. I found out a few days earlier that my old friend Y/N got taken by hydra and I had asked Steve to go with me to save her and we brought her back to my apartment. Steve helped me get Y/N settled on my couch by getting out some extra blankets for her while I got her a pillow. I got her settled and said “hey, how are you holding up doll? Everything is ok now you’re safe ok? We’re at my apartment it’s safe.” I got a brief smile from her and a nod which I took as a good sign..

Steve signaled me to have me talk to him so I stood up and looked back at Y/N and said “be right back Y/N, want anything to eat or some water?” She looked at me while rubbing her arms and said “may I um.. have some water please?” I smiled and said “yea of course doll, be right back with a bottle of water. I went to go talk to Steve in the kitchen and I said “hey Steve thanks for helping me get Y/N settled I appreciate it man.” Steve nodded and said “no problem Buck, we should really talk to Tony about your friend there see if we can get her help.” I looked at Y/N laying on the couch and said “I know Steve but I wanna have her relax here for a few days plus I know she trusts me, give me a few days with her ok?” Steve said “alright Bucky, I’m gonna give everyone an update, let me know if you need anything ok?” Steve patted me on the back and after he left I handed Y/N her water gently and sat across from her and said “how are you feeling doll? Do you remember anything about your life? If you don’t even worry doll there’s no pressure to talk about anything I promise.”

~Y/N’s POV~

I looked around the room and thought about what Bucky said but I honestly didn’t remember much of anything but I knew as soon as I saw Bucky’s face I remembered him. I started to get sleepy and decided to lay down and Bucky came over to cover me with a blanket and went to turn the light off and said “get some rest doll.” I panicked not wanting to be alone and quickly sat up and said “hey Bucky?..” he turned around said “yea Y/N? You ok??” I looked around nervously and said “would you maybe.. stay here with me for a bit?” Bucky smiled and walked back over and said “of course I’ll stay, here scoot over a bit.” I moved to make room for him and Bucky laid down beside me after I got comfortable. I looked at Bucky and said “thank you again for saving my life, I owe you” He smiled and said “you’re welcome doll and hey no you don’t owe me anything I’m just glad you’re safe now that’s what matters and I want you to know you can stay here with me as long as you want ok? There’s no rush for anything to happen, I got you now.” Something told me to hug him so I moved closer and wrapped my arms around his body and I said “thank so much Bucky, I don’t wanna be a burden to you.. I don’t know what I wanna be or who to be anymore.” Bucky looked at me and said “don’t you worry Y/N I can help you if you want but you aren’t a burden I understand what you’re going through I had no idea what I was gonna do once I was no longer under Hydra’s control, but my friends Sam and Steve helped me become an avenger and I didn’t feel alone anymore, you aren’t alone either sweetheart, you’ll figure out what makes you happy. What you want is up to you you can be whoever you want and I know that sounds overwhelming but I’ll be right here and we can take it one day at a time bur for now I think we should rest.”

I smiled at Bucky feeling cared for which I hadn’t felt that in so long but it felt so nice, I started to feel sleepy and I closed my eyes and felt Bucky pull me in close and he said “sleep well Y/N, I’m here.”

~Bucky’s POV~

I watched Y/N sleep for a few hours and it made me smile how peaceful she looked and Steve wanted me to still be careful around her but I knew she wasn’t a threat, as soon as Y/N saw me I knew she knew me and she was no longer under Hydra’s mind control, I love that she felt safe with me. I care about Y/N so much and I didn’t wanna lose her again and I know Steve wanted Tony to have a look at her but shes already been through enough I didn’t want that to trigger her.

I didn’t notice that I had fallen asleep until I opened my eyes when I heard Y/N say “Bucky?.. “ I heard her say my name again after that and I sat up after rubbing my eyes while yawning and said “hey you, are you alright Y/N?” She nodded and said “yea, morning sleepy head. I thought about what your friend Steve said and what you said about umm the avengers are what they’re called right?” I smiled and said “yea that’s right doll what about them? Do you think you wanna be a part of the team? They could use a person like you with your skills but it’s only if you’re ok with doing that.” She nodded and said “yea, I’d like to go talk to your friend but could he meet us here first? I don’t know if I wanna go out yet..” I felt so proud of Y/N and I understood why she would’t wanna go anywhere yet, I got my phone out and said “Y/N I’m so proud of you and yea I’ll text him to see when he’d be able to come by ok? How are you feeling though? Do you remember anything today? And remember it’s ok either way if you do or don’t.” I saw she tried to think but she shook her head no looking down and it broke my heart seeing her sad. I rubbed her back and said “hey it’s alright doll, how about you and I eat something and we can relax and just hangout hmm?” She smiled and said “yea, I’d like that thank you Bucky.” I blushed and said “doll no need to thank me I’d do anything for you. I’ll go make us some breakfast, would you be ok with pancakes?” She nodded and said “I would like that, I am a bit hungry.” I felt so happy I had Y/N back, I loved having her stay with me she always made my life so much better and I always felt protective of her and I couldn’t wait to see what would she would do with her life knowing I’d be there to help her.

Hey lovelies!! Ok so I’m excited to finally be able to post this fic 😊 idk if it’s my best 🥺😅 but hope you all enjoy 🤍🤍xx

Taglist:

@lokiandbuckysdoll

@jessybarnes

@sunshine-on-my-mind

@nana1000night

@writersblog20

@delicatecoffeepeanut

@anotherfuckingmarvelfanaccount

@precious1610

@chrisevansdaughter

@marvelstarker-mha98

@vrittivsanghavi

If I forget to tag anyone please let me know xx

[pupstim]

HRM I've been thinkin on it a lot on like Bad wondering what the right thing to do as a parent and I've not looked more into what other people but wanna just throw my 2 cents in. It'll be under the cut because it is a little bit heavy

Hrm this is just me thinking aloud and I might be getting jus a little bit personal but what really struck me was Bad asking what the right thing to do is. It's a moral conundrum and one I've had to scrabble with myself. What's the right action to take like with helping someone or figuring out how best to help them.. talking with my therapist though she's never said what the right thing to do is and when I asked her she said because really people are like so complex and multifaceted that the right thing to do with one person isn't the right thing to do with another. So there isn't really a right thing to do. Instead just the best thing to do and that's completely up to you.

That being said though I do think the best thing for Bad to do with Dapper is to talk to him about it. I know most of Chat wants Bad to respect Dapper's privacy but... I dunno... It just feels like all of Dapper's actions are a cry for help. Dapper knows he can talk to his dad about this but Dapper also has Bad's trust in coming to him, and Dapper is really worried about the wrong word getting out. Bad has Chat and it kind of seems like Dapper knows the Federation somehow is able to know whats going on with Bad when Bad's live. HRM This is hard for me to articulate.

I think Dapper is feeling like he HAS to keep this a secret to prevent the Federation or someone else getting this information about this potion. He's worried the info will leak out and obviously the less people know the better. Plus it sounds like in his own way he's trying to protect Bad and Pomme (and the thoughts of maybe he is being coerced by the federation) So anyway I think he's feeling like he has to keep this a secret but he doesn't want to. He wants Badboy to find out about this and ask him, He wants Bad to dig deeper and find out more and help him. To me all of Dapper's actions, at least from an RP perspective is a call for help. Which is devastating.

Just... He kept the book Bad read in the beginning for so long, adding more and more onto it and just putting off burning the book. It became he's going to burn this book after a few pages, after 10 pages, after 20 pages, after he finds a way to give it a proper farewell just... He put up these super secret documents right where Badboy is in his own room, he changed the shed so much that Bad couldn't have helped notice, he left the clipboard and blueprints where anyone could see it, he's come to talk to Badboy about this like 3 or so times I think.

And yea I know from a meta perspective most likely this is just Dapper's Admin trying to lay out some clues for Bad to investigate but purely from an RP perspective its just... This really feels like Dapper trying in some way subconsciously asking Bad for help. He feels like he has to carry this burden all on his own, he's always held as the most responsible one, the one that has a plan, the one that has the most resources and is considered a genius and one that OTHER PEOPLE always go to. He doesn't feel like he has the luxury of asking someone for help, maybe even especially because Bad is becoming unglued after the election but he's also just a lil kid. He's like 3 months old and still a kid and a baby but he HAS to do this even though he doesn't want too. Even though he desperately wants his Dad to come in and help him. Just... yea...

tl;dr I think Bad should ask Dapper about it because Dapper is asking for help in just about all ways except outright and he clearly needs it.

[atticsandwitch]

Obey me characters with an MC who does reckless things because they're afraid of being a burden.

Self indulgent, comfort, angst Less headcannons, more drabbles.

First, in a group chat without MC: House of Lamentation (7) Satan: I just found MC in the kitchen, trying to open a can with a chef knife. Mammon: WHAT Mammon: Why would they wanna do something like that?? Asmo: (Wide eyed emoji) Belphie: Yea, that's stupid even for Mammon Mammon: HEY! Satan: They couldn't find the can opener, and they said they didn't want to bother anyone. Levi: That's actually kind of cute. Levi: It's just like the main character of this anime I just started watching who acts really tough and independent, but deep down is afraid to ask for help and just wants to be loved! Satan: That's not all Lucifer: it's not? Satan: Solomon saw MC yesterday climbing the bookshelves in the RAD library. Satan: Apparently they'd reached the sixth shelf before he could levitate them and the book they needed back to the ground. Beel: Are all humans like this? Lucifer: No. It seems we've found a particularly troublesome one. Levi: Actually I saw them do something similar earlier this week. Asmo: Oh no. Asmo: I bet Mammon's having a heart attack rn Mammon: (sweaty nervous emoji) Levi: They were standing on the counter trying to reach something on the top of the cabinets waaaay in the back. Belphie: That's not that bad Levi: They were also standing on an upside down pot because they were still too short. Levi: and they were wearing heels. Lucifer: Everyone, make sure to keep an eye on MC as often as possible

Lucifer

Sighs out loud reading the group chat

"And here I thought I would just have to protect MC from demon attacks"

He decides to have a talk with you once he gets a little time, and not just about safety. He has a whole lecture planned out about climbing the book cases at RAD.

Unfortunately he's swamped with paperwork and bills to go through, so he doesn't have the chance to talk to you right away.

The next day, however, you're all invited to the Demon Lord's Castle for another overnight retreat, or event of some sort.

Everyone is having fun and causing a ruckus, as usual, and at some point during the evening the group loses you.

You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, but the palace is so huge you get lost even with directions. At a certain point you know you can find your way back and ask for help, but you can't bring yourself to, and decide to press on to try to find it yourself.

Eventually you find yourself standing in front of an ornate mirror with no reflection. You stop and ponder it for a moment, and as you're about to step away you hear a whisper. You can't make out what it says, but it compels you to step closer. In a corner of the reflected room you notice what looks like a puppet made of bone, with blackened eyes.

"~MC~..." An ethereal whisper, "...c...l...oser..." and in a blink of your eye it's closer to you, and you've stepped closer without realizing it.

Your heart is racing, but you can't stop yourself from reaching out to the mirror. Is it really a mirror...? Another blink and the bone puppet is closer. It tilts it's head at you, and outstretches an arm.

You try to pull back, but realize you can't, you're now mirroring the actions of the puppet as it steps closer, and closer.

Suddenly your vision goes black and you're pulled backwards by the waist, away from the mirror.

After a moment, Lucifer removes his gloved hand from over your eyes, and spins you to face him. He looks worried, frightened almost, but soon regains his composure.

"I thought you were going to the bathroom, MC" He says

It takes you a second to form words again, "I... I was.... I got lost" You had to really think hard about it for a moment.

Lucifer sighs, "You know the castle can be dangerous. If you weren't sure where to go, why not ask someone to show you?"

You were feeling particularly vulnerable after what had just happened, and so decided to be deeply honest, "I'm afraid of being a burden..." you mumble.

He's surprised by the admission, but pulls you close.

"Of all the burdens I've had to shoulder in this life, I promise that you are not one of them, MC" He whispers into your hair as he kisses the top of your head.

Mammon

Immediately goes to find you after he finishes reading the group chat.

He finds you doing something dangerous with a knife again, and grabs your wrist to stop you.

"Oi, human!" He only calls you that when he's angry, which is rare, "What do ya think yer doin'?"

"I'm just-" he cuts you off

"I don' wanna hear it!"

"Then why did you ask?" you're stare at him. Mammon's face reddens and he realizes he's still holding your wrist, so he gently takes the knife out of your hand and sets it down.

"I mean- What's goin' on with ya lately? Everyone says yer doin' a buncha dangerous stuff!" He put his hands on his hips and only resumes eye contact as he finishes his sentence.

"What do you-?"

"Like climbin' bookshelves, and whatever this is-!" He gestures to the knife and you look away. You're silent for a while; too long for Mammon to take, "C'mon, MC, talk to me" His voice finally softens, arms dropping to his sides. You finally meet his eyes, and the look of concern on his face is heartbreaking.

"I like doing things myself..." you can tell he's not buying it, "I... I just don't want to be a burden..." You admit quietly, voice wavering somewhat.

His eyes go wide, "...MC..." he says softly. Mammon pulls you in for a tight hug, one arm wrapping around your shoulders, and the other hand resting on the back of your head, and holds you like he'd do anything in the world to protect you, which he would.

"Listen up, 'cuz Mammon's gonna give you some free advice" you hear a sniffle, and realize he's crying.

His human was hurting like this, and he never even noticed. What kinda demon am I? He thought, but he knew this wasn't about him right now, so he held you tighter.

"You will never be a burden to me...Ya got that?"

Leviathan

Thinks its pretty adorable that you actually seem to be a little tsundere.

Because of this, and his social anxiety, he doesn't confront you about it right away. Not until the jellyfish incident anyway.

One night you're hanging out with Levi in his room, when you notice that one of his jelly fish decorations had fallen to the ground. So, you decide to string it back up for him.

You looked around, Levi absorbed in his game, and tried to judge the distance between the edge of the bed-tub and the ceiling. That should do it! you think, and climb the edge of the bed-tub. The edge was difficult to balance on, but you knew you'd be careful, and you could almost reach.

Levi turned around just in time to see you, arms stretched too far over your head and on your tip toes on the edge of the tub, and watched as you lose balance completely. He saw it, you were going to fall backwards toward the other side of the tub and crack your head!

Now, he may not be as fast as Mammon, but he is still a demon after all, and just as you felt the jolt of the fall as your foot slipped, you felt arms around your middle, pulling you forcefully forward.

Leviathan had jumped to your rescue, unconsciously changing into his demon form, discarding his controller unceremoniously to the floor, and in his panic underestimated his own strength.

The two of you ended up both landing on the floor, you on top of a very red Leviathan.

"Wh-wh-what were you doing normie?! You were about to fall and crack your skull on the tub!"

You guiltily hold up the jellyfish, "I was just trying to fix it"

"Well get a ladder next time!" It's taking everything in Levi to ignore the position your both in, because its' just like that time in- nevermind, this is more important.

"All you had to do was say something! I was sitting right there!" He still hasn't let you go. He sees the look on your face change into something he can't quite get a read on, but whatever it is, is also full of sadness. "You could have died just then, MC. Why wouldn't you just ask for some help?" His voice is softer, "I was right there" and softer still, almost desperate.

"I..." He could tell whatever you were about to say was difficult for you, "I'm just so afraid of being a burden"

He's heartbroken, "You're my best friend, my player two, my Henry th-the- the person I love" He goes red again and quickly continues as if to bury the words beneath more words, "You're a lot of things, MC, but you're not a burden"

Asmodeous

Worrying is bad for the skin. Worrying is bad for the skin. Worrying is bad for the skin. But he can't help it.

One night you get home particularly late, and none of the brothers have seen you. They were about to send out a search party when you finally came home.

When he finds out you walked home alone again, and were so late because you got lost, that's when he finally decides to confront you.

"You walked home alone again? And took WHICH street?! MC don't you know how dangerous it is for a human in the Devildom, especially one with no real magical powers? Not to mention in that area!"

How were you supposed to know? You were lost. He knows these things, but doesn't give you a chance to point them out.

"Beel saw you leave right after classes. If you were so lost why didn't you call one of us?" he asks. The worry and exasperation is plain in his voice.

"I..." you start, "I didn't want to bother anyone that's all" but he can tell there's more to it than that.

"Why are you so worried about bothering us? Don't you know we care about you?" He asks, concern slowly turning to sadness.

"I just don't want to be a burden..."

His eyes go wider than before, which you didn't think was possible. "What in the three realms would give you the idea that you're a burden? MC, you're so precious to me, and if anything were to ever happen, I-"

He begins welling up with tears and pulls you into a tight hug.

"MC, I was worried sick. We all were. Please... Come to me when you need help... I love you"

Satan

He walked in and found you trying to use a chef knife to open a can, brought you the can opener, and ultimately left; not entirely sure what to make of the situation yet.

The next time he saw you, you were climbing on top of an unsteady looking stack of books to reach something in the House's library.

Were those one of his stacks? Had you stacked them yourself? It didn't matter. What mattered was that the books all began slipping out from under you.

He rushed over, and caught you with ease as you fell, but your momentum ended up knocking you both to the ground.

He sighs, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Sorry, " you let out an embarrassed laugh, "Are you okay?"

"Yea, and you?" he asks. You nod, and he helps you up. To his confusion you immediately begin stacking the books back up.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asks, suspicious. It looks like you're about to try to climb the stack again.

"There's a book I need" He was right.

This must be how Lucifer feels. He sighs again, and grabs your hand to stop you.

"You can't keep doing stuff like this, MC. It's dangerous" He looks serious, but his cheeks are a little pink, "I'm worried about you. Why won't you ask for help?"

"I..." You start, but hesitate, averting your eyes.

"Tell me the truth, MC" Satan almost pleads, a sad look in his eyes.

"I don't want to be a burden... that's all..." You say, so quietly it's almost a sigh.

Suddenly it all made sense; the way you tried to hide when you were upset, how you always carried just a little too much, the way you always offered to help, even if there was little work to do... Why hadn't he put the pieces together before now?

"Then, I need you to do something for me" He says, after thinking a moment. He steps closer, "I need you to start asking for help,"

He pulls you close, and hugs you tightly, "I know it'll be difficult, but that's why I'll always be there for you"

He pulls away slightly, still holding you, to look into your eyes. His face is very red now, "I'll do whatever it takes to show you that you're not a burden," Kindness and determination burn in his eyes as he leans in for a kiss.

Beelzebub

He was walking down the hall when he spots you down at the other end near an open window.

The wind blew something out of your hand, so you leaned out the window to try to grab it. This is when Beel got worried, his instincts kicked in and he picked up his pace.

Your homework got caught by the wind, but stopped by some of the vines clinging to the House of Lamentation, so you leaned out the window but it was just out of reach. You knew you could get it if you could reach just a little further, so you lean out a little more... Just a little more...

Unfortunately that's when you lost balance, and felt yourself tip forward. You'd be out the window in no time flat, and then you'd be flattened on the ground.

Thankfully Beel was able to grab you by the waist and hoist you back inside to safety.

You thank him, and explain the situation but he still looks confused.

"Why wouldn't you just come get one of us? We could've easily gotten it down for you" he asks.

"I thought I'd be able to reach" you try, with an embarrassed and unconvincing smile.

"Tell me the truth, MC. Why are you so afraid to ask for help?"

"I don't want to be a burden..." You say softly, sadness written plainly on your face and in your voice.

"Oh" You look up and the sad, sympathetic look Beel gives you makes you want to cry. "I know the feeling"

"You do?" You ask, tears beginning to spill over

"You think I don't know how many problems my stomach causes for everyone?" He gives you a slightly more serious look, "But that doesn't matter" And now a reassuring, although still slightly sad smile, "Because the people who love and care about you will never think of you as a burden. And trust me, MC, there are plenty of people who love and care about you"

"Like who?" You didn't want to ask, part of your brain knew the answer, but you just had to silence those negative voices.

Beel blushed, "Like me" he says, then silently wipes the tears from your face and pulls you into the softest, safest hug you've ever felt.

Belphegor

He wasn't worried at all initially. Sure humans are fragile compared to demons, but they're not that fragile. Plus you've survived this long on your own and now you've got demons, angels, a prince, and a sorcerer all looking out for you. Not to mention the way brothers' tend to exaggerate.

He was laying outside under a large tree, intending to try out a new nap spot, when he saw you leaning out of the window.

He smiled and was about to wave when he realized something was wrong. You were leaning too far out of the window. You were going to-

He jolted upright like he'd been hit by lightning as he watched you lose your balance

He already knew there was no way he'd be able to make it to you in time, even with demonic speed.

Thankfully Beel was there. Belphie let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding when he saw Beel pull you back inside and got up to go make sure you're alright.

He realizes his brothers were right to be worried, and he's angry about it.

You're on your way back to your room by the time he catches up with you, but he can see that your eyes are red from crying, and his anger evaporates. He asks you what's wrong, and you explain everything.

Why you almost fell out the window, your conversation with Beel, and how you're afraid of being a burden.

"Well, Beel's right, you could never be a burden to any of us" He says, so don't even worry about it" he says, giving you an easy smile, despite how sad he felt for his human.

"That's... Easier said than done..." You reply, unconvinced.

"That's why I'll always be by your side, MC. I won't even give you the chance to worry about it!"

He pulls you into a hug and strokes your hair, starting the waterworks all over again. He'll hold you until you've calmed down again, and then pull you up to the attic where you two can make a pillow fort and nap.

He'll probably also start a tickle fight just to hear you laugh again.

Btw, who made you feel this way, MC, he just wants to murder torture talk.

Diavolo

Lucifer has shared his concerns, as he often does, so Diavolo is aware of your reckless nature. He finds it somewhat amusing, but mostly concerning.

It's during one of the events that he finally witnesses it for himself.

He always found it sweet how you tried to help everyone, and you were doing it again. You were running around helping all of the brothers with everything. He doesn't know how those seven managed without you before you came to the Devildom, and the way they rely on you is more than a little amusing.

This time you were helping Asmo with decorations, but he seemed to have disappeared somewhere, no doubt to fix his makeup, or to take a break to avoid sweating too much.

When Diavolo walked in his eyes went wide. You were using progressively taller stacks of chairs to climb the tallest stack in the room in order to hang decorations on the ceiling, and your arms were so full of supplies that there was no way you could balance properly on the already unsteady stacks.

He'd already made it to the base of the stacks when the one you were on started to wobble.

"MC!" he called out in a panic, but this seemed to startle you, and the jolt caused you, the stack of chairs, and all your decorations to come crashing down.

Diavolo caught you effortlessly, and shielded you from any flying chairs in the process.

"Mc, are you okay?" He asks, eyes still wide, "what in the Devildom were you thinking?"

"Sorry, I was just trying to help" you say

He feels anger towards the brothers creeping in the back of his mind. That they would leave you alone, with so much work, and still none of them are to be found after such a loud crash; it's unacceptable. But he pushes those thoughts back for now.

"That was dangerous, even for a demon. You could have been seriously injured just now," The look of concern on his face tugs at your heart.

"Sorry" you mumble again, "You can put me down, now... I should start cleaning up"

"Forgive me for being selfish," He smiles a little, "But I don't think I want to put you down just yet. The clean up can wait"

Your face reddens. You're not sure what to say to that, but you can't deny that it feels good to be held like this in his strong arms.

He looks briefly around at the mess of scattered chairs and decorations that you had intended to hang and clean up by yourself, "Tell me, MC," He looks back to you, "You seem to have a hard time asking for help, why is that?"

You're surprised by the directness of the question, and look away. He notices, and feels a bit guilty, but knows that if things continue the way they are, you will definitely get hurt one day.

"I guess it's because... I'm afraid of being a burden" you answer honestly. You feel that you owe him that much.

"I see..." He hums, then smiles happily, "Then perhaps I should carry you around until you admit that you are not a burden!"

"WHAT?" the look on your face makes him laugh heartily.

"Just kidding!" He chuckles, "...Maybe"

"Diavolo that's- I-"

"You are extraordinary, MC," There's a serious look on his face now, "In fact I could describe you in a million different ways, but the word 'burden' would never be among them"

He begins walking out of the room, still carrying you in his arms.

"What are you doing? What about the decorations?"

"I think I'd like to keep you to myself for the day, if that's alright with you, my dear" Diavolo smiles down at you.

As you two walk down the hall, away from the ballroom you hear the brothers' voices as they enter, "Whoa? What the heck happened in here?" Mammon exclaims.

Barbatos

He had invited you for tea, and you offered to help Barbatos make and serve it.

You try to carry too much, and in your rush drop the entire tray, shattering the beautiful tea set and all of the plates of desserts.

"I'm so sorry!" You immediately bend down and begin tying to pick up the pieces, "I'll replace it-" You stop as you realize that you're not sure you could even afford to replace a royal tea set.

"Allow me to help" Barbatos says, bending down.

"No, no, it's fine! I can get it!" You look up and give him an unconvincing smile, and while you're not paying attention to what you're doing, you slice your hand open on one of the sharp pieces of porcelain.

Barbatos pulls a roll of gauze and bandages out of one of his pockets, "Let's get this taken care of, shall we?" he says, but you're still picking up pieces with your other hand.

"I can do it, I just-..."

"It's only a tea set," As Barbatos stills your frantic hands, he notices your tears.

"I'm sorry," You finally say after a long moment of silence, during which he begins bandaging your injured hand, "I tried to help, but I was still only a burden after all..." Barbatos is surprised by this admission, to say the least.

"You should know that It makes me very happy to be able help and take care of people. I especially enjoy the way your face lights up with a tinge of surprise whenever I do something for you that you are not expecting..." He pauses in thought, and looks as though he's realized something that makes him sad, but whatever it is, he keeps it to himself. He finishes bandaging your hand, and places his on the side of your face.

"MC, It is a pleasure, and genuinely brings me joy to be able to do things for you. Please allow me to help you more often."

He takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and dries your tears.

He leads you to sit in a comfortable chair, "Please, rest until you feel better, and allow me to take complete care of you today"

He makes some tea and food for you both to share and makes sure you don't have to lift a finger for the rest of the day, leaving the broken tea set completely forgotten on the floor in the other room for the time being.

He always has kind words for you whenever you see each other, and while he enjoys your help in the kitchen, he always makes sure not to let you do too much, and he never lets you clean up.

He takes extra care of you from now on, and Diavolo finds it absolutely adorable, though he may be a tiny bit jealous.

Solomon

You might've actually given this man a heart attack.

He would've thought it was funny if it hadn't looked like the bookshelf was about to come crashing down on top of you.

"Don't worry! I'm used to climbing things; I'm careful!" You try to convince him, "That does not, in fact, make me feel any better, MC"

He dedicates time to teaching you a levitation spell or two, depending on your magical abilities, so you don't have to climb things any more.

As he's teaching you he decides to ask you about the book shelf incident.

"Something's been on my mind lately" He says, turning to you as you practice. You ask him what it is as you turn your attention to his face and notice that he looks troubled. "The other day, in the library. You knew I was there, sitting nearby... Why didn't you just ask for my help?"

"Oh, I just thought I could get the book myself" That wasn't the answer he was looking for, so he presses on.

"But surely it would've been easier to use a ladder, then. wouldn't it?"

"Well... I- uh- wasn't sure where they were" you sounded a little embarrassed, and turned your attention back to the spell.

Solomon looks a little saddened, "Hmm..." he pauses. You didn't want his help and you didn't even want to ask him a simple question? "MC, is there a reason you didn't want to ask me for help?" Watching you, he saw that the question gave you pause.

"I... have a hard time asking for help sometimes..." You admit, hoping that's the end of it. But of course, it isn't.

"Oh?" he gently prompts you to explain.

He can tell that you're only pretending to pay attention to the spell now, to avoid eye contact, "I've just always been afraid of being a burden"

His face grows sadder for a moment, but you continue to avoid his gaze. He folds his arms, and moves a closed fist to his chin in thought.

"I think that sometimes, not asking for help can be more of a burden" he says, finally catching your attention. You look up questioningly and he continues in a gentle voice, "Think about it, you're placing too much of the burden on yourself, which is making everyone around you worry. And besides that, what if you get hurt? Then you'll need more help from others than you would have in the first place"

It's your turn to look troubled. You hadn't realized that you were worrying everyone, or that you were causing them trouble.

He lets you think for a moment, before placing a comforting hand on your back.

"MC, it's okay to rely on others. People like it when you ask for help. It makes them feel special to you" He says, and when you look up he's giving you one of the kindest smiles you've ever seen on this shady magic boomer's face.

He hopes you catch his little hint, I want to feel special to you, MC

"Thank you, Solomon. I'd never thought of it that way" you smile back, "I'll try to ask for your help more often"

"I'll look forward to it!" He says with an even brighter smile.

Simeon

He noticed just in time; you had decided to walk home alone again and two suspicious looking demons were about to corner you down an alley.

You were scared, you think they had been following you for at least a couple blocks, and now you had nowhere to go. You were at a dead end.

"You two want to leave." A familiar voice, "NOW." Simeon was smiling, but he looked so intimidating in the shadow of the alley, and something ominous was also radiating off of him. Was he angry?

"C'mon it's not worth it" one of the demons said, "Killjoy" said the other. Simeon watches them leave with an intimidating expression before finally approaching you.

"MC, are you alright?" He asks, features now full of concern.

"Yea! Thanks for that, I was starting to get a little worried"

The concern on his face grows, didn't you know how much danger you'd been in just then? "Those two had been following you for a while... Why didn't you call out for help? Or call someone on your D.D.D?"

"Well... I- I just thought maybe they were walking in the same direction, so I wasn't sure..." You sounded nervous.

How could you be unsure? Simeon had never seen a more suspicious looking pair of demons in his life, and if you'd heard what they were saying they wanted to do to you, you'd understand why he was angry. He sighs.

He notices you're shaking, ever so slightly. Maybe you had overheard... You seemed to be more shaken than you were trying to let on.

In the silence he realizes that this part of town wouldn't be part of your normal route back to the House of Lamentation, "Were you lost?" You nod. "Why not ask for directions?" He asks

"Everyone was so busy when I left RAD... I didn't want to bother them. They're always taking care of me as it is... I just thought..."

So that's why you were walking home alone

"I'll walk you back then" he offers you his hand, and you want to take it, but to his surprise you can't bring yourself to.

"That's alright! You've already done so much for me. I'm sure I can find my way home now!" You try to force a smile, but Simeon can see right through you.

"MC... What's really going on?" His face is serious again but his voice is kind as he steps closer and rests a hand on your shaking arm.

You can't hold back tears any more, "I... Just don't... want to be a burden... to anyone" The quiet words break Simeon's heart.

Who could've made you feel this way?

He draws you into a strong, gentle hug, cradling the back of your head to hold you closer and stroke your hair.

"Don't ever think like that, MC" He breathes into your ear, "You are so loved"

Luke

You're going to give this smoll baby angel a heart attack, and there's not much he can even do to about it.

You were carrying too much, like you always do, and Luke noticed almost too late.

You were heading straight for the stairs, and your books and supplies were stacked too high for you to see!

"MC, LOOK OUT!" he shouts.

You stop just as your foot passes the threshold of the first stair and you feel the drop.

You drop everything you're carrying, but thanks to Luke's warning you stopped your own momentum before you could tumble down the stairs with everything else.

Relief floods through Luke as you stare at the mess, shaken and disheartened by the prospect of the clean up.

He runs to you, demanding to know that you're okay.

Of course he helps you clean up and carries as much as he can for you.

He's always offering to carry things for you now, even if all you have is a book or two.

He keeps a nervous eye on you from now on too.

Give this poor baby angel a hug.

[drabbles-mc]

Take Care Of It

Kozik x F!Reader

Request by Anon: Kozik x f!reader with a similar scenario to the Juice and spider incident? One that sparks a relationship. (Referencing This Juice fic)

Warnings: language, mentions of spiders, nudity

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: I’m blown away by how much people have loved the “spider in the shower” scenario. These have been so fun to write! xo

Join my group-chat here: (X) ​

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You stopped by T-M after your run, hoping that they would have finished working on your car by now. However, as you slowed down to a walk as you entered the compound, you instantly saw that your car was still on the lift. You let out a sigh as you slid your headphones down so they rested around your neck.

“Still not done, huh?” you asked as you walked over to Juice, who was digging through the tool chest for something that he clearly couldn’t find.

He looked up at you, shaking his head, “Sorry. Should be done soon.”

You shrugged, knowing that complaining about it wasn’t going to change the situation, “No worries,” you paused, looking around the lot, “Kozik around?”

Juice nodded towards the clubhouse, “Rolled in a few minutes ago.”

“Great. Thank you,” you glanced over at your car, “Give me a shout when it’s done?”

“You got it.”

You flashed him a smile before turning and walking towards the clubhouse. When you walked inside it was fairly quiet, just a few of the guys hanging around with a few women who didn’t look like they had even left the night before. None of them were the person you were looking for, though.

“Half-Sack,” you called to get his attention as he wiped down the bar, “You seen Kozik?”

He gestured towards the back hall, “Dorms.”

Without another word you made your way to the back hall. You heard him shuffling around inside his dorm and you gently knocked on the door. Immediately he called for you to come in and you pushed the door open.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed and he looked up at you with a smile when he realized that it was you who had just walked in. His smile made your heart speed up inside your chest and you tried not to let it show.

There was a special kind of comfort between the two of you. Ever since he had come back from Tacoma, the two of you had been close. You considered him to be your closest friend in the club these days—he was the easiest and most fun to be around. He made you feel safe. Too many times you found yourself letting your thoughts get away from you and you had to rein them back in. You were never quite sure about how he really felt about you. He was kind, and flirtatious, but that was as far as it went. He had never tried to take things any farther and you respected that, but it didn’t stop you from still wanting a little bit more.

Despite the fact that you’d had feelings for him for a while, you were able to stay close friends with him without letting your emotions muddy the waters. The two of you spent a lot of time together, both with and without the club present. On more than one occasion you had let yourself into his dorm after a particularly rough day, just needing someone to sit and talk with until you felt alright again. He never made you feel like a burden about it, and he never mentioned it to the other guys, either, knowing that they wouldn’t leave you alone about it if he did.

But every time that you walked into his room, whether it was first thing in the morning, or incredibly late at night, he always had the same smile on his face whenever he saw that it was you. It was what made you comfortable enough to keep coming back.

“Hey, you alright?” he stood up off the bed and walked over to you.

You nodded, “All good. Just figured I��d pop in and say hi. They’re not done with my car yet.”

“Seriously?”

You chuckled, “Seriously. Maybe you should get out there and tell them to get their shit together.”

He laughed, shaking his head, “Yea, that’ll go over real well.”

He stepped in for a hug but you held your hand up to stop him, “I’m disgusting. Just did five miles. Was hoping they’d be done with my car so I could just go right home and shower but now I just gotta wait and be gross,” you laughed and shook your head.

“Just use my shower,” he gestured towards his bathroom.

You shook your head, “No, that’s alright. They should be done soon.”

“C’mon, it’s fine. You got some shit here anyway. And besides,” he nudged your shoulder, “I don’t wanna hang out with you if you’re gross.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes, “None of you boys should be criticizing anyone. But fine. Thank you.”

He grabbed a towel from his closet and tossed it to you, making you laugh as it landed on your back while you grabbed your spare set of sweatpants and one of his shirts. You reached over your shoulder to ball the towel up in your arms with the rest of the clothes. You turned back around and saw Kozik standing there, watching you from the doorway with a small hint of a smile on his face.

“Yea?” you asked, eyebrows raised.

“What?”

You shrugged, “Just looked like you wanted to say something, that’s all.”

“Oh, uh, no,” he shook his head, “Just, there’s not a ton of hot water. So. Try not to take too long.”

You nodded, “Got it.”

You walked into the bathroom and lightly shut the door behind you. You blindly reached and turned the shower on before peeling the sweaty clothes off of your body and letting them drop to the floor. You reached your hand in to make sure that the water temperature was alright, and when it was you immediately stepped into the shower, letting the water wash over you. It flowed through your hair and down your back as you kept your eyes closed, facing the showerhead. For a moment you thought to yourself that it didn’t seem fair that Kozik had a showerhead with better water pressure in his tiny little clubhouse dorm than you had back at your apartment.

You turned around and opened your eyes to see what he had for soap or bodywash. However, when you leaned to reach for a bottle, a spider came creeping over the top of it. You screamed as you immediately jumped back out of the shower and booked it out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. It was a small miracle that you didn’t slip on the tile and crack your head open.

Kozik came bursting back into the room when he had heard you scream. His eyes continued to grow wider as he took in the sight of you. He had no idea what was wrong, though, and that was the only thing that stopped his eyes from lingering.

“What the hell is going on?” he quickly walked into the bathroom and grabbed the towel and draped it around your shoulders.

“I went to grab your bodywash and there was a fucking spider on the bottle!”

The tension instantly melted out of his body when he realized what had freaked you out so much, “A…spider? This,” he gestured to your body, “is over a spider?”

You shoved him, “Don’t be a dick!”

He laughed, “Sorry, sorry. I just, I didn’t think that spiders would bother you considering everything else you’ve gotten dragged into around here.”

You shook your head, “I don’t like them, I don’t trust them, I don’t want them anywhere near me.”

“Want me to go kill it so you can finish your shower?” he offered.

“You can kill it, but my shower is finished either way,” you shuddered, “I’m not going back in there.”

He chuckled and gave you a hug, “I’ll be right back.”

He walked into the bathroom and the first thing he did was shut the water off, something you hadn’t thought to do in the midst of freaking out. He pulled the curtain to the side and within moments you could hear him taking care of the issue. He flushed the spider down the drain before gathering up your clothes and bringing them back out to you. You had effectively wrapped the towel around yourself, no longer wearing it like a cloak. Heat was rising in your face as you took the small pile of clothes from him. Now that your initial wave of fear had subsided, you realized what position you had left yourself in with Kozik.

“Sorry about that,” you said with a nervous laugh.

“No need to be sorry,” he chuckled, “Sorry you didn’t get to finish your shower.”

There were a few beats of silence as the two of you stood there in front of each other. There were so many things that you wanted to say to him. You’d spent so much time trying to stifle your feelings and thoughts but with the way that he was looking at you, it was hard to have any self-control. His eyes traveled up and down your body and you could see it on his face that he was trying to fight the urge to say something.

“What’re you thinking?” you chanced asking him, hoping that he would say something so that you wouldn’t have to.

“You’re beautiful,” his voice had a touch of laughter to it, “I mean, you are all the time. But. Right now, something about—”

“Me being scared out of my mind?” you offered up with a laugh.

He smiled, shaking his head as he stepped in closer to you, “Maybe that’s what it is,” he reached forward and gently cupped your face in his hand. You felt your face get hot as you leaned into his touch. He traced his thumb along your cheekbone, “I’d gladly kiss you if it helped you be less scared,” he chuckled, but you could see it in his eyes that his words weren’t empty.

Your ears were burning as you smiled at him, “I mean, spiders are pretty terrifying. But you’re welcome to give it a shot.”

He laughed as he leaned in to kiss you, the clothes instantly falling from your hands. When his lips met yours the only thing you could think about was how you couldn’t believe that the two of you hadn’t done this sooner. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you tight against him so that your chest pressed flush against his, the two of your bodies meshing together perfectly. You cupped his face in both your hands, desperate to keep his lips on yours for as long as possible. You could feel him smiling into your kiss and you had no choice but to return the gesture, both of you feeling how this was long overdue.

You finally pulled away, letting both of you catch your breath. Kozik didn’t let your body separate from his, though, as his arms remained snug around your waist.

You laughed, “You know what this means?”

“What?” he beamed at you.

“You’re on spider-killing duty for the foreseeable future.”

He laughed as he pulled you tighter to him, your head resting against his chest as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head, “That’s a small price to pay.”

[orphaned-kiirokero]

Outro: Love is Not Over (5)

Pairing: Daycare Teacher! Hoseok x Single Mom! Reader.

Genre: Single Parent! AU, Teacher! AU, Hybrid! AU, Fluff, Angst, Adorable Kids,

Warnings: Oh boy, self doubt, A LOT of it. angsty, momma y/n isn’t doing too good, mentions of anxiety, allusions to worthlessness, just a lot of bad intrusive thoughts that are very degrading (and not in the smexy way)

Word Count: 1.1k

Note: I have a website that calculates my word count for stories, but it also tells me the most used word. 1.4% of this chapter is the word “Yunho” lol

Summary: Years after a relationship goes south. You are the single mother of a beautiful 6-year-old golden retriever hybrid who you named Yunho. He is the light of your life. Yunho is everything to you, and you’d do anything for him. But you’re a human. Yunho doesn’t care, he will tell you he doesn’t. “You’re still my Eomma. No matter what.” He says. But you can’t help but feel like you will never be enough for him. You can’t be the mother he deserves. You can’t show him the ropes of being a hybrid, and you can’t teach him things the other moms can. But you try. You try your damn hardest. So, when a handsome German Shepard hybrid comes into your life, helping you and guiding Yunho in a way you can’t, you can’t help the cozy home he sets up in your heart.

Chapter Guide:

Previous / Next (Coming Soon)

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      Being an adult was exhausting. Especially the part where you pretend that you're listening when the bank teller states you should’ve cashed in your paycheck 2 days ago to get a lesser fee. Thanks Pat, I’ll think of that next time I’m working my ass off and talking care of a six-year-old, lovely advice, you are so helpful. 

     But it was enough to distract me from the underlying inferiority I felt every time I saw a dog hybrid in passing, even if it was just for a bit. I understood that the trend today was short fur and undercuts, but what if their fur was short for a bigger reason? Was it just their style or was it practical? Is long fur bad for your health? 

      These questions never left my head as I got some time to myself. I was on my way to pick up Yunho from his little daycare adventure. Hyejin texted me occasionally throughout the day, giving me updates about how Yunho was doing. Every picture she sent had a smiling golden retriever boy who looked more than okay, perfectly happy and healthy. 

      However, it pained me that seeing him sport his long fur stirred up insecurity in me. It was like a taunt. Words playing in the back of my head, telling me I was an incapable mother, that Yunho deserved better, that when he grows up and sees these pictures, he’ll resent you. 

      Like the laughter of a jester, I was calling myself stupid, unworthy. Every single thing I’ve done imperfectly played in my head like a twisted movie from hell. Look, look, look. Look how incapable you are. Look how badly you're raising your son. Look at your failures. 

      Even if I turned on the radio, I could still hear my subconscious toying with me. Like a fly in a tarantula’s nest. Why has one person's observation affected me so much? A couple words and my resolve suddenly came crashing down? Maybe it was the one spark that needed to set off the explosion. All the TNT, lined up from previous nights consumed by irrational thoughts, now finally igniting. “You’re failing”

Rationally, I knew that wasn’t the case. 

But it’s never that easy, is it? 

“Eomma!”

“Hi, bub!” I giggled. 

      Yunho ran into my arms, tackling me onto the hard, concrete sidewalk. But I didn’t mind. Yunho squeezes me tight, scenting me with upmost enthusiasm, his tail whipping around rapidly. “I missed you,” Yunho sighed, fisting his hands into my shirt. “I missed you too baby,” I whispered, holding him just a tad bit closer, and I meant it. 

No matter how bad I felt, I’d always be okay with him around. 

      “Did you have fun?” I asked. He nodded frantically, face painted with excitement. “Yes! I got to play with legos!” He raised his arms up, expressing just how much he loved playing with the legos. “You did? That’s awesome!” I gasped, kissing my son on the forehead. 

      I stood back up on my feet, taking Yunho in my arms to carry him back to the daycare. I still had to thank Hyejin, and no doubt was she still in the office, giving me a moment with Yunho. but to my surprise, it wasn’t Hyejin that let Yunho bolt out the door and tackle me to the ground. It was Hoseok. 

      He gave me a shy wave and smile as Yunho and I entered the front office. I gave him a genuine one back. I may be fighting with myself in my head, but it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know, so why be cold? “Hello Hoseok,” I said, and Yunho also gives him an excited wave.

     “Hello Y/n, how was your day?” He asked, but his words were still tight, still cautious. “It was okay... Thank you for watching over Yunho for me, you and Hyejin both.” Hoseok seemed to light up a bit at my words as his smile grew wider. “It’s nothing really, Yunho is an amazing kid,” I felt my heart swell at those words, Yunho was definitely an amazing kid. I must’ve done something right. Right?

      “Yeah, he is,” I teased the boy who blushed and hid his face in the crook of my neck. I cooed at his cuteness before Hoseok spoke up again. “I-I’m sorry for earlier, I really didn’t mean to upset you.” He curved into himself a bit. 

      His apology was sincere, I knew that. From what Hyejin had told me and from what I observed, Hoseok was a good guy. He didn’t know the impact his words had, besides; it was my problem anyway. Why burden someone else?

    “I’d like to take you for a coffee sometime, as an apology” Hoseok added on after I didn’t say anything for a minute or two. I chuckled, “That sounds nice, but you don’t have to. It’s okay, really,” but Hoseok shook his head, insisting that this was the way to apologize for something that obviously struck a deep nerve. 

“Alright, I give in. Do you have a date in mind?” I asked.

“Ah... I didn’t get that far... Here, I’ll give you my number so I can text you!” Hoseok exclaimed, having an eureka moment. 

“Smooth, Hoseok, very smooth.” I giggled. 

      “Wha? Oh no! I didn’t- I mean...” Hoseok stuttered on, a flush of pink on his face. “I’m joking,” I smiled. Hoseok sighed in relief, chuckling to himself. “Here you go,” Hoseok handed me his phone, and I entered my number in his contacts with one hand, expertly. People don’t mention that one of the mom powers is being able to do things one handed. 

      “I’ll text you as soon as I can,” Hoseok promised. “I’ll be waiting,” I said, forgetting all about my worries and fears for a moment. The air felt calm, my brain relaxed, it was easier to breathe. I was thankful for that, even if the moment was short. 

      Yunho looked out the car window at the trees that lined the road. He was swinging his feet back and forth. The ears on the top of his head twitched a bit every time a new song started on the radio. The sun hit his face like a Picasso painting that screamed innocence. A portrait that slipped off the canvas, given to me, even if I wasn’t deserving of such beauty. 

      “Hey bub?” I called, glancing in the rear-view mirror to look at my son. “Yea?” He answered back, looking towards me even if he couldn’t look at my face. “Are your ears and tail okay?”

“Yep!”

“Your fur doesn’t bother you?”

“Nope!”

“Are you sure? We can cut it if it’s bothering you,”

“I don’t wanna cut it!” 

      Yunho doesn’t lie. He can’t. He always gives himself away by either avoiding my gaze or mumbling to himself. But he was confident in those words. That helped. “Okay bub, I love you.”

“I love you too Eomma,”

[toastwithjelly]

FEEL SOMETHING

(A Sanders sides Angst one-shot fic)

Part 1

4,391 words

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️

Razor blades

Self harm

Gore

Numbness

Logan angst

Confrontation on self harm suspicions

Summary:

Logan is tired of being the cold, emotionless robot that everyone perceives him as. He’s repressed his emotions to such a great extent that he genuinely doesn’t feel anything major anymore. He does have his nightly break-downs sometimes, but he needs more than that.

However, this is where roads begin to cross. Logan feels that it would be nice and beneficial to experience strong emotions, but he doesn’t know if this feeling is stronger than his fear of expressing such things. Being viewed as a joke and not being taken seriously is his worst nightmare. Because of this, the logical side just keeps up his stone cold front to avoid being weak.

This dilemma Logan had found himself in really frustrated him. No matter how hard he tried to think of a solution, nothing ever satisfied both ends of the spectrum. The best he had come up with was to keep up the front when he was with the others and then let himself break down at night when no one was around, and even that didn’t help him nearly as much as he wished. This eventually led him to looking for answers online. One search led to another, and Logan has figured out something that might help him. It’s a bit risky, and he’ll have to hide it from the others, but he knows how to be safe with it, so he’ll give it a shot just to feel something.

•———————————————————————-•

Part 1

6:34pm

 Logan was sitting at the dinner table with his three friends as they ate their meal. Nothing unusual about the evening, they had their casual little chats and the occasional playful banter from Roman and Virgil, with Patton butting in every so often. Logan kept his focus all on the plate of food in front of him. The paternal figure had worked hard to make this, he wasn’t going to let it get cold. Plus even if he wanted to join the conversation, he wouldn’t even know what to say. Sure he was the logical side and he had a heap of facts to spit but when it comes to the jovial friendly conversations the others usually shared. He truly couldn’t find the words to contribute something meaningful into the atmosphere, so other than correcting a false statement, he kept silent.

“Now Virgil, I’m just saying that a kid would be much more excited to watch a movie like Alice in wonderland and we all know it!” Roman exclaimed to the emo sitting across the table from him. It’s not at all surprising that the current conversation taking place was one about Disney. Especially when it was Virgil and Roman who were the ones bickering. “I mean all the bright colors and such a classic story is bound to win a kid over!”

“Uhuh sure, like kids would want to watch a film about a bunch of mentally ill people on an acid trip. Plus, the queen of hearts is scary for them,” Virgil retorts, glaring at Roman before taking a bite of his food. “The princess and the frog is clearly a superior movie. It’s about an independent hard working woman who doesn’t need a man to help her achieve her goals, like are you kidding me? And she helps him out, that is a nice change for once.”

“Yea I cannot argue with that, we stan Tiana,” Roman admits, leaning back in his chair. Logan was about to question the prince about the term he just used, but decided against it, keeping quiet.

“But the shadow man is scary!” Roman continues.

“Uh, no. ’I’ve got friends on the other side’ is such a bop. But I am one of the friends on the other side,” Virgil pulls his signature 2000’s MySpace emo face. ‘Bop’. Logan remembers what that meant. He had to ask Roman about it later to make a vocabulary card.

“Oh my god can you get any edgier?” Roman asks the snickering Virgil across the table as he rolls his eyes and goes back to his food. The only thing Logan could think of at this time is how useless that conversation was. Their frivolous arguments had no solid points or evidence to back up their argument if they were trying to persuade the other. He chose not to say anything so as to not further encourage them. Instead he had just yet again kept quiet and his focus was on finishing his food so he could retire to his room.

“So Logan, are you almost finished with your work?” Logan’s head snapped up when the mention of his name came from Patton. ‘Work.. it was always work.’

“No, Patton. There are still a few tasks to be completed that need to be completed tonight,” Logan states, adding on that last bit so hopefully he isn’t bugged with having a ‘family night’ as Patton and the others like to call it. Which, it doesn’t make any sense considering the fact that none of us are actually related.

“Well, once you are done with that, do you wanna come watch a movie with us!?” The parental side excitedly asks. Logan internally cringed at Patton’s use of grammar, but more at his failed attempts at getting out of this without having to ask. It’s not that Logan didn’t like the others, it’s just that tonight specifically he wanted to be left alone. Sometimes spending time with them is considered a good thing to him because he knows that he needs to take breaks from his work sometimes and Patton gives him an excuse to do so. Also, knowing that Patton wants him there helps him feel less like a robot, but that feeling quickly returns when they don’t even care to ask him his opinions for the movie choice.

“Oh.. that’s ok! There’s always next time, right?” Patton sounded a little disappointed, but supportive nonetheless. “Well I wish you good luck with that, Logan!”

“Thank you, Patton,” Logan finishes the conversation while turning his attention back towards his almost empty plate.

The rest of the dinner went by as normal. They all took their dishes to the sink and Patton offered to help Roman complete the dishes and Virgil retired to his room for the night. Logan says his goodnights and follows suit to his own room.

After entering, Logan lightly shut his door and pressed his back against the cool wood. The lights were still off, so he sat in the inky black dark atmosphere staring at the ceiling in order to prevent the dark curtain draped over the contents of his room from playing tricks on his eyes. He didn’t bother finding the light switch; he felt it was unnecessary. It would only illuminate everything that reminded him of everything that burdens him. He hates not knowing.

The logical side leaned his head back against the door and squeezed his eyes shut, the blankness of the dark and the silence began to be too much for him; it made him feel too alone. With no senses available, you are left with nothing but your own thoughts to drown in. Nothing to do but to fall down that hole of endless thinking. Logan’s head swarmed with every emotion he was feeling at once. Every fact he wished wasn’t true danced behind his eyes and pounded on his skull demanding his attention.

Logan couldn’t help but let the tears run down his cheeks. They started rolling faster and he held his hand over his mouth, choking back a sob. He hated doing this, but he had to if he wanted to remain sane. He just felt so vulnerable and embarrassed. Logan felt his legs begin to shake so he slid down the door to sit on the floor. God he hopes no one comes to his room.

The logical side stayed on the floor like that for a while. He didn’t know how long, but he was surprised when he looked at his phone to find he had been there for almost thirty minutes. Once the crying had for the most part stopped and Logan realized that it didn’t really help at all, he decided to get up from his spot on the floor and turn on some lights. He had reached for the plug connected to fairy lights strung around his room and plugged it into the electrical socket, illuminating the whole space with a soft Caramel colored glow. The lights were a gift from Patton last Christmas, the parental figure had gotten some for everyone in the house. At first the logical side thought they were childish and impractical due to him already having a light in his room, but Patton persisted so he put them up and once he saw how they casted a honey coating to all the contents of his bedroom and how the atmosphere instantly shifted from sharp to calming and gentle, he decided that they weren’t that bad.

After his eyes had adjusted to the light, Logan walked into the bathroom that he has in his room and shut the door after turning on the light. The sudden contrast of the soft light of his room to the harsh light of the bathroom only worsened his growing headache so the first thing he did was retrieve the Ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet and swallow two. After that he took his glasses off and placed them on the side of the sink before proceeding to wash his face of tears with warm water from the faucet. After he patted his face dry with a towel, he took a minute to just look into the mirror. He took notice of his cold, dead eyes that were a navy blue, but despite being such a bright color, his eyes looked more dull and grey. ‘No wonder the others think I’m a metaphorical robot.” He thinks to himself. He decides not to stay there any longer or else Remus might hear him drowning in his thoughts and show up so he grabbed his glasses and started back towards his room.

Logan didn’t know what to do now. He’s already cried a bunch but that didn’t help. He just sat on the edge of his bed trying to figure things out. The laptop sitting closed and still in his desk caught his eye. ‘There may be an article on the internet explaining my situation.’ The logical side thought to himself before he got up and made his way towards his desk, pulling out the chair and sitting down. While he opened the device up and typed in his password, he thought about what he was going to type into the search bar. While the Google page displayed on his screen awaiting his questions, Logan’s fingers moved to type in the first one that came to mind; ‘How to feel when you are numb?’

Once he pressed enter, he proceeded to scroll for what he was looking for. He passed a bunch of articles about physical health and stuff like that. ‘Perhaps I worded it incorrectly?’ He thought to himself before seeing something that could potentially be what he was looking for. It was a link to a twitter post. It was titled ‘I don’t feel anything. I do this to feel something,’ and Logan thought that would suffice nicely to his needs. Though, the side wasn’t prepared for what he was going to see when he clicked it. Blood. Lots of blood. Cuts all up and down the poster’s forearm that could be recognized as dermis and epidermis level cuts. And finally, a bloodied double edge razor blade sitting calmly in a warm crimson pool on the counter top.

Logan gasped upon the image displayed in front of him. It wasn’t too intense but seeing a part of the human body all cut up didn’t make him feel too comfortable, but he was slightly intrigued. He was kind of confused why the gorey photo was related to what he was looking for so he decided to look into it further; only because the text part of the post seemed to relate a little to his state of mind.

The logical side scrolled down past a few more photos of the same cuts just at different angles. He kept observing the images while trying to think of where to go from here until he decided to use the tags the original poster had provided with the text to research further. He viewed 10 or so hashtags of random things to figure out what the point of this was. Some of them just confused the side, but one of the words he recognized from an article he read a few months ago when Roman fell into a deep depression and he tried to gather as much information as he could to help him because the others were worried and terrified for him. However, he never had to use much information because they had luckily gotten him out of that mental health decline before anything terrible happened. Well, at least to his knowledge. The tag in question reads as ‘self harm’. Now Logan felt a little stupid because he knew what this was before, but a little clarification never hurt anyone.

He had to admit, he was a little taken aback by the fact that what he was experiencing was linked and related to self harm but he decided to explore more under that subject to further understand it. When he clicked on the tag, he was exposed to pages and pages of self harm. He stopped at one particularly disturbing one. It was a video of a girl with a straight razor that resembled that of what a barber would use. In the video, she had pressed as hard as she could and with one clean swipe, the fat inside her arm was exposed. By this point, Logan was feeling a little sick to his stomach on account of what was displayed in front of him. The video however kept going. The girl dabbed the open wound with a white towel, so the amount of blood that was being soaked up was very visible. The girl picked the weapon up again and placed it in the center of the cut and proceeded to apply pressure while she dragged the blade along her arm at a painfully slow speed. When the pool of blood was soaked up, fascia was exposed and Logan really wanted to look away but he couldn’t. He vaguely understood the premise behind self harming, but witnessing it to this extent kind of confused and scared him.

Luckily the video stopped there and Logan closed it out and continued to scroll through the page. He did not find much there other than the pictures and videos of people cutting themselves and he was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable, almost like what he felt when he was under the effects of Virgil’s room; and for that reason he decided to close out this tab and search elsewhere. The logical side really didn’t know why he was so intrigued to this certain coping mechanism. He knew it was very unhealthy, but he couldn’t let it go.

After a few google searches about the topic of self harm and a few articles later, Logan found one specific body of text that piqued his interest. It was basically describing the effects self harming has on the brain and why so many people do it and says it helps. He read through it and the information he gathered was rather interesting to him. Basically, the context of the article was explaining the science behind why self harming was addictive and why some people do it in the first place.

‘So, cutting myself will release neurochemicals in my brain that mimics that of dopamine? Fascinating..’ Logan thinks to himself. The side takes a minute to think it through. Was he actually considering this? I mean, there is scientific evidence that proves that doing this will help him. Logan ponders a bit on that last point, basically pushing him to do it. He just resorts to searching for reasons not to go through with it at this point. Only two reasons came to his mind when he tried to think up reasons to push the thoughts out of his head. The first was the safety aspect of it. Of course when you are cutting yourself there are things that can go wrong; however Logan felt confident enough that he knew how to do this safely. He knew where the vital points were on the human body so he knew where it was safe to cut as well as how deep to go. He also knew how to properly dress the wounds and how to take care of them so they didn’t get infected so the logical side could figuratively throw that worry out the window.

The only factor that was left in play affecting Logan’s decision in going through with this is the guilt he would have to face if the others found out. With Patton having gone through a situation similar to this when Roman was having severe mental health issues and when Virgil ducked out, Logan would figuratively (and almost literally) have the blood on his hands just adding it to the list. He knows that Patton always tries his hardest to do things that make everyone as happy as they can be, and oh the lengths he would go to do that. Let’s just say that the parental side has had many sleepless nights on account of helping someone else. But surely if Patton had ever found out about all the things Logan hasn’t told him, it would make him feel like he hasn’t been enough for people even more than he already does, even and who knows what could happen to him when that happens and he lives knowing that three of his friends have been struggling.

Logan had to ponder on this one for a minute. But with him being logic and all, he brought up the point that the way Patton was thinking about things is untrue and if he had to, Logan with a little of Virgil’s help could sit down with him and possibly explain things in order to pull him from that mindset.

He quietly hummed to himself, feeling accomplished at finding a solution. This satisfied feeling quickly deteriorated as confusion began to spill. Why was he feeling this way about something so grim? Why was he so compelled to stand up to get that spare razor that lay waiting in the bathroom cupboard? He thought it was even irrational to consider doing such things but it just felt like something that could actually help him, and he needed it.

He didn’t know what made him do it, but something in him made him push himself out of his desk chair to shut his laptop without powering it off and making his way to the bathroom. Once inside, he quietly closed the bathroom door. He opened the door of the shadow box, but for some reason it felt super slow like in a dramatic movie. He didn’t know why his hands were shaky when he spotted the razor and went to gently pick it up.

Just then as he examined the weapon in his grip, he felt the adrenaline pumping. It all just set in. Oh my god he was actually going to do this. He was just moments away from his destination. He gulped down a nervous lump in his throat as he examined the perfectly new blade for any rust. The side didn’t understand why he was so nervous; he knew how to do this safely so why was he so scared? Maybe he’s afraid of the pain

Logan however quickly dismissed this thought so that it doesn’t chase him out of a decision. I mean he would only seem MORE weak if he pulled such a pansy move. It shouldn’t be too bad.

He started by washing the blade and his forearm with warm water just as a precaution. He shakily held the blade horizontally over his wrist. Deep breath in and-

Slice

He ran the blade across his skin and then exhaled the breath he was holding. He sort of relaxed when he realized that it wasn’t that bad and that he was ok. Still, he checked the damage. It was a cut on the epidermis layer of the skin so nothing bad. Even so, he watches the blood bead along the clean line in fascination. It started to drip a little but that was caught with the towel that Logan pulled off the towel rack. He gently pressed the cloth to the cut and when he pulled it back, he closely watched as blood refilled the small wound. He was satisfied with his work and for some reason, he couldn’t stop looking at it. He wanted more.

So that’s what he did; the side made a few more clean lines parallel to the first one he made. He would stop to just watch the blood, then soak it up before watching how it refills again. Logan found himself admiring his arm from all angles, wearing these cuts like some sort of sick and twisted accessory. Logan continued to leave a few more little cuts, holding his arm over the sink to not make so much mess with blood (and to not ruin his favorite button up shirt).

The logical side went for one more and pressed a bit harder this time. When he swiped the blade, white was exposed before blood started to seep out from the edges of this deeper and wider cut. Actually being able to see the inside of his arm like that kind of scared him. He recognized this as the dermis level of skin. It made him a bit uneasy how he could turn his arm sideways and see the cut gape a bit, but he couldn’t stop looking at it. He thought if Remus was here, he would have said it looked like a mouth.

After that tiny scare of going deeper, he decided he was done with this for the night, afraid of going farther than he already has. As he started cleaning the blood from his arm and his sink, he was thinking over his success rates with this exercise. He had come to the conclusion that this had done what he wanted it to for him. He smiled to himself as he looked at the fresh cuts. The smaller and thin ones have already dried and scabbed over, but the deeper one he had just done was still filling with blood after each time he soaked it up, but it was slowing down. He doesn't know if he smiled because the treatment worked or if he was just proud of what he had done, but to him it just matters that he got a smile out of it. Once all the blood was cleaned up, he opened the shadow box again to retrieve the bandages. Carefully, he wrapped his arm in a secure bandage and put the rest away. The pressure of the cloth being wrapped tightly around his arm felt oddly nice and contrasted with the burning sensation on his skin from the contact.

The side stops moving and stands perfectly still when he feels a presence in his room. His heart dropped out of fear in realizing that this is the worst time to be here for obvious reasons. He slowly reaches for the doorknob of the bathroom and turns it, trying to prepare himself for whatever is about to happen. When the door was opened, it revealed Remus sitting on Logan’s bed just looking around.

“R-Remus, what are you doing here?” His voice was shakier than he wanted it to be. He wasn’t sure if the cause was from what he just did in the bathroom or the fear he had from another side possibly knowing.

Remus’s gaze shifted towards the nerd and the bandage on his arm. “Well, as I am Thomas’s own intrusive thot,” he stopped for a second to giggle at his play on words, “I can sense unwanted thoughts from any other part of Thomas,” he got up from his spot on Logan’s bed to walk towards him.

“I was picking up something from you, not like the normal. I had some suspicions and came to investigate but it seems as if I was right,”

“I.. I’m not sure I know what you are referring to,” he lied. Logan thought it was eerie to hear Remus talk in this more serious manner.

“Yea, no we both know that is a big lie,” Remus slightly smirked at Logan for the fact that he was right and gestured to Logan’s bandaged arm. Logan just avoided the other side’s eyes and held his arm behind his back. This and Logan’s uncomfortable silence confirmed it to Remus and he was no longer smiling, he had a look of empathy and slight hurt on his face. He was also sort of mad at the others because he feels and sees what Logan goes through with them and he thinks he can understand why Logan would resort to self harm.

“Logan, do you need to talk about it?” He asked. Logan has talked to Remus about his situation before, but he didn’t want to talk about this. He just brushed past Remus to go lay his pajamas out on the bed to get changed for the night. “No, I do not wish to speak of this and I ask you to kindly not mention this to anyone else, but thank you for your concern,” he never turned around to look at the other once. Remus just stood there with a slight frown. He then got an idea on what to do and he sunk out without saying anything else.

Logan could feel when the intrusive side left the room and released the breath he was holding in relief. He felt guilt wash over him in the moment. He really disliked lying to one of his closest friends but it was for the best. It was way too early for him to be able to tell anybody- scratch that. He didn’t want to tell anyone at all. He just hoped that Remus would listen and not tell anybody. The logical side thought of what he would do if that were to happen as he changed his clothes to something more comfortable.

He stopped before getting into bed to ponder if he should leave his fairy lights on while he slept. They were left on as he climbed under the cover to keep the atmosphere soft.

The logical side found himself holding his bandaged arm up above his face to admire it. He didn’t know what it was, but knowing what he'd done gave him tiny butterflies of adrenaline in his stomach which led him to a small smile. Logan was never an artist of any medium, but those crimson lines that stain his forearm felt like an art piece to him. It made him feel accomplished and.. happy. And with that, the side brought his arm back under the covers and closed his eyes to be consumed by sleep with a smile on his face.

•———————————————————————-•

Hope you enjoyed this first part :)

Yea a little background, sanders sides is such a comfort series for me, so I started writing this back when I was struggling a lot and I decided to keep writing this now so I hope you enjoy this bucket of angst haha

Part 2 will be linked here when it is up!

[thewhizzyhead]

Hey, your misfits musical thing sounded super super interesting! Any other details about it that you're willing to share? Minor plot points? Gay Relationship stuff? :0

oh boy this is gonna be long *cracks knuckles* here we go

SO FUN BACKSTORY BEFORE I GET TO THE PLOT PARTS TJXJJS: my sunday school has a tradition of um holding productions of christmas musicals every december. My teachers would find american christian christmas kiddy musicals productions on youtube and then basically um translate all the dialogue to Filipino (the songs stay in English) and have us um reenact the whole thing and ngl it was a lot of fun! I even acted as some of the main roles there when I was like 10-13 so um I can kinda say that I have some experience with musical theatre YAYYY (jk jk that doesn't really count djsff).

When I was around 12-13 years old, I became obsessed with A Very Potter Musical and wondered what it would be like to make AVPM but Christmas so that my church could perform it (very silly idea but shh i was 12 and I was obsessed) and then over time a plot that Was Definitely Not Harry Potter started to form and them um here we are fjsjd so thank you Starkid for making me go down this hellhole

Oki backstory over, now here comes the very long part:

(Also um warning this musical concept involves a lot of religion talk since majority of the thingy is me criticizing a lot of the hypocrisies in religious institutions here based on my experience so um yea proceed with caution if ur sensitive to religion-related stuff)

p.s. ari i am so so sorry but this is so fucking long and definitely more than what you asked for so um yea goodluck fjxjsjf

SO BASICALLY Misfits is about 5 "narrators" - these guys serve as the "floor directors" of the show and um yea they make sure that the plot actuall happens and everything goes exactly according to the script given by the church higher ups or "producers" - who have to bring 3 teens branded by their church as "Misfits" back to Bethlehem 1 CE in order to "teach them a lesson about God" aka convert them to Christianity thus removing the "Misfits" branding. (Also they can only go back once they successfully arrive at the manger because um that's how the producers want it to be tjxjs)

I have to emphasize that although this tackles a lot of stuff related to Christianity and religion as a whole, this really isn't a Christian Musical and that this very morally questionable mission (through the power of Stage Magic and Super Powers, the Narrators essentially bring the Misfits back to the past against their will for the sake of completing their mission) goes horribly, horribly wrong very very quickly.

Throughout the course of the musical, the 5 Narrators struggle to stick to the given script and get their mission done as the 3 Misfits prove to not only be very freaking stubborn but also quite insightful as well as they bring up really good points in regards to religious hypocrisies and socially questionable, prejudiced and backward views commonly held by most religious institutions here i.e gender roles, homophobia, the demonization of science and technology at times, elitism and classism, etc etc (i can only speak in behalf of the Philippines so um yea Philippines). Overall, this is kinda a case study on as to how religion can influence and shape people's mindsets for either the better or the worse and how it is often used by the authorities to simultaneously give hope to the people (especially those of the poorer sectors wherein because of how hopeless the present seems here because a very flawed system kept in place by the exploitative privilged here, they choose to just trust in God instead and also hope that the afterlife is much much better than this shit) while also keeping them in line and like preventing them from rioting. (Church and politics undeniably go hand in hand here even though we have legislations enforcing the separation of the church and state and um yEA THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN VERY PROMINENT THROUGHOUT PHILIPPINE HISTORY AND WE CAN ALL THANK THE SPANIARDS but um anyways that'll be a rant for another day)

On a more personal and emotional aspect, this thingy also tackles a lot of stuff I find rather common among kids my age, especially those who had a very Christian upbringing (aka 99.9% of the philippine population tjxbdbf). There's a lot of questioning involved in regards to one's faith, sexuality, perspective and purpose in life and all that fun stuff and how oftentimes said questioning is discouraged due to the church (and ph society overall) wanting us to just like um sTICK TO THE STATUS QUOoOoO and just comply with what is seen as appropriate and godly cause anything out of the ordinary is ngl treated like it's heresy. (YES THERE WILL BE A LOT OF SELF PROJECTION HERE)

One final and important thing to note is that the show is essentially a musical-inside-a-musical in a way fjsjf I originally designed this thing to be like um produce-able on my church's stage (because they were supposed to help me produce the first version of misfits which um yea that's def not gonna happen now tjxjdv) which um kinda looks like the OG Spring Awakening Stage (and yes Misfits is very much inspired by Spring Awakening God I love that show) which is why the show is kinda stylized like a concert with handheld mics and all wherein um the 5 narrators are aware that they are putting on a show to the point of even directly addressing the audience a lot while the 3 Misfits (except for 1 which i'll get to in a bit) aren't aware that they are in a show. The three do eventually find that out and that's when all hell breaks loose to the point that the "producers" (represented by Hades-ish voices) have to intervene by literally changing and manipulating the show's setting and plot to make sure that their script gets followed and that's when the characters really try to break the show to get out of it bUT THE POINT I WANNA MAKE HERE IS THXJD keeping in mind that I had initially planned for Misfits to be produced by my church prior to the many drastic changes, the show the narrators were putting on (aka the musical-inside-the-musical) was made with the intention to pander to a Very Religious Audience. Successfully convincing people to convert to Christianity, especially those of the youth, is what many religious audiences want to see and that is exactly what the "producers" have written for the 5 "narrators and floor directors" to enact. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian and preaching the Gospel and bringing in new believers isn't essentially a bad thing; if they want to believe in the religion then woo good for them! But, such preaching becomes detrimental when you take away one's agency and basically force them into Christianity by means of guilt tripping and manipulation which is sadly very much a reality here (again, a rant for another day) and a representation of such is shown here in the show where um the 3 Misfits were basically forced into this show that 5 Narrators are putting on and, through the influence of the 5 Narrators, the 3 Misfits have to decide to become "good Christian youths" for the show to conclude because that's show the "producers" have written. So when the 3 Misfits stubborness goes to the point that even the 5 Narrators start questioning the morals of their mission, that's when the show starts to go off-script and that's when the production starts to like umm "break" and whenever that happens, the "producers" start speaking to the Narrators, reminding them that they have an audience that they need to please and a message that they need to convey.

So while the Misfits (2 of them, at least, cause um the third one has um yea i'll get to him in a bit) mainly focus on figuring out what in the everliving fuck is going on (while also dealing with their um unfortunate circumstances, childhood trauma, a shit ton of guilt and the concept of salvation and self-forgiveness), the Narrators are tasked with the burden of carrying the show and making sure that the audience finds it appealing while trying to convince themselves that what the church wants them to do is "right" and what the Misfits keep telling them is "wrong" ala um Holier-Than-Thou mindset. Once they eventually start becoming more willing to see the true nature of both the Misfits and the Producers despite the fear of disappointing everyone who's watching, that's when the Narrators and Misfits all start breaking the show by going off-script and completely destroying the plot and production that the Producers have made for the audience - thus making a statement of refusing to comply with a flawed system for the sake of audience approval while also making the first step to fixing that system for the good of all.

Also fun fact: Although it'll make my job a lot harder because I am more fluent in English than in Filipino, i wanna write the thingy in both English and Filipino fjxjdf the dialogue can be Taglish but um the songs that are "part of the script" aka what the Producers want the characters to sing are in English while the songs that aren't part of the script are in Filipino; songs that are both in Filipino and in English are um i guess indicative of the struggle to follow the script while also trying to do what you believe is right (an example of a song with that style is Interpretasyon - which means Interpretation and um Ezekiel (one of the Misfits) sings in Filipino while Joshua (leader of the narrators) sings in English and um just imagine Wallflower cuz IT IS VERY MUCH LIKE WALLFLOWER GJDJNF) and um yea i kinda imagine it to be some sort of rock-pop musical concert thingy so um woo thank you pma for once again influencing my work

SO ANYWAYS UM THAT WAS LONG SO LET'S GO TO THE GAY SHIT

Okay so far 4/8 of the characters here have queerness directly related to their individual plotlines here but um yea honestly i'm tempted to make all of them queer CAUSE IT'S FUN oki so um anyways on to the character dynamics (I won't be able to include more in depth descriptions because im hungry and GOD THIS IS LONG so um yea)

June & Anna (Narrator 2) - oki so June here is one of the Misfits and she's from the poorer sectors (i'm still working on her backstory to make it more believable but um yea) and she isn't able to go to school due to having to prioritize providing for her family first. Due to a very unfortunate childhood event (one that involves Zack, another Misfit), she had to grow up fast and now appears to have a rather jaded view of the world. Anna, one of the Narrators, is the very opposite of that - she's privileged and wealthy-as-fuck and seems to be very optimisitc and friendly. However, ever since she has been blackmailed by her own churchmates for merely questioning her sexuality (true story), she became a more reserved and emotionally closed person despite her very friendly and cheerful demeanor. So when she finds out that June's music carries a lot of beautiful insight and hope in spite of her unfortunate circumstances (the two girls bond over music btw that's how Anna got June to trust in her), she becomes confused because how can June, a girl who has nothing, not even faith, still have hope that she'll be able to find some semblance of happiness while Anna, who has everything, has such a downtrodded view of the world? So um basically their dynamic will also consist of Anna checking her privilege, June explaining how good people turn against the world when the world turns against them (YES A LOT OF TALK ABOUT POVERTY AND HOW THAT IS A RESULT OF CAPITALISTIC EXPLOITATION) (yes June will talk about that a lot), and um what it means to hope with or without faith and what it means to trust another and oneself again. Oh and also lots of philosophy talk and emotional expression through music wie

Zack and Mikael (Narrator 3) - Zack, another Misfit, is a childhood friend of June and a younger stepbrother of Ezekiel (the third Misfit). After Zack and June lost contact after the 'unfortunate childhood event' (i am not sure on what exactly it'll be but in the earlier drafts a fire burned both of their homes and killed both of their dads and rn I have a song concept describing that called "Umaapoy" which means "Burns" but i dunno i'm still working on it), he became best friends with Mikael and um yea said best-friendship was Definitely Not Platonic. After a picture of them kissing was sent to not only the school principal but to basically everyone in the school, both of their parents were called to the principal's office which led to both of the boys moving to different schools to um mitigate the damage i guess gjdjd while Zack's mom eventually learned to accept her son's sexuality, Mikael um wasn't so lucky - I'd say he went through um a lot of religious intervention almost akin to conversion therapy which then um yea has caused him a lot of internalized homophobia and um yea Mikael and Zack haven't been able to talk or even chat in about 3-4 years so imagine Mikael's surprise when he found out that his mission involved Zack - who does not and cannot recognize Mikael because welp not part of the script. Zack, a bit braver now, takes a liking to Mikael and wants to at least be friends with him partly because he somehow finds him really familiar while um Mikael tries to maintain a strictly professional demeanor out of fear that Zack will recognize him and out of fear that he'll fall in love with Zack again. Their dynamic will also include um learning to trust one another and oneself again (like June & Anna's dynamic), to learn how to be brave and be sure in one's beliefs (Mikael um doesn't really speak up that much out of fear while Zack is not only outspoken, but is also an activist - this is another one of the many reasons why Zack is branded as a "Misfit" aside from the fact that he's gay and um yea Ezekiel spends almost 2 minutes berating Joshua for this out of pure anger and disgust), and what it means to reconnect with the past and to forgive oneself (although that is much more expounded upon with June & Zack's dynamic).

Ezekiel and Joshua (Narrator 1) - SAY HI TO THE RILEY AND CAIRO DYNAMIC WOOOOOOO but yea ari dude your analysis on Riley and Cairo (and Kate) being the Main MAIN characters and everything about cheerwives gave me a lot of think about and SO I PUT IT IN HERE WOOOOOO so basically um Ezekiel is the older stepbrother of Zack and the first of the 3 Misfits to figure out that they are in a show. He figures this out because he recognizes Joshua aka the leader of the Narrators aka his former churchmate and ex-bestfriend. He also realizes that they are in a show because he recognizes their tricks which he knew about because he had participated in these missions before as one of the Narrators (Joshua and Ezekiel are older than the rest of the cast and the other narrators don't know that Ezekiel was once a Narrator as well). Due to an Unfortunate Incident (that i'm still working on) 3 years prior to the events in the show, Ezekiel cut off all ties to the church but he is still viewed as this "perfect role model golden boy" which is why the 4 Narrators were shocked to find out that Ezekiel was part of their mission. Joshua, knowing that the real reason to his sudden involvement is due to "producers" somehow finding out their secret about the Unfortunate Incident, lied and told the others that he was just included to make converting his brother a lot easier, which they believed. Out of all the narrators, Joshua is the one who tries his best to stick to the script the most because he knows that if he doesn't, the true nature of that Unfortunate Incident will not only be revealed to his companions but to everyone else watching. Meanwhile Ezekiel, who doesn't know that him being involved in this mission is some sort of um penance for his involvement in that Unfortunate Incident, tries his hardest to sabotage he show by being the most outspoken when pointing out a lot of hypocrisies within religious institutions and in ph society in general (he refuses to tell the other two that they are in a show though because if that happens, he knows the Narrators, Joshua especially will um get very heavily scolded by the producers and despite everything, he still cares for Joshua a lot). I'd say that these two are the ones that push the plot the most - one wants to push the show accordingly to plan in order to please the audience and the producers and in order to not let his and Ezekiel's secret go out while the other wants to push the show off-script in retaliation against the producers (and yes the Unfortunate Incident involved the time travelling thingy which is why he really wants to sabotage this). In fact, these two have 2 duets that are basically them trying to convince the other to go along with their plan ("Interpretasyon" which means Interpretation and "Sikreto" which means secret). This dynamic involves um yea trying to convince the other to switch sides gjxjd and um reconciliation, responsibility out of guilt, and what it means to forgive oneself (forgiveness is a common theme here) and to start to heal from trauma and to not deny the existence of said trauma any longer.

NOW ORIGINALLY I REALLY DID NOT INTEND THE JOSHUA AND EZEKIEL DYNAMIC TO BE GAY BUUTT WHEN I WAS THINKING OF THE LYRICS, I REALIZED THAT OUT OF CONTEXT, IT SOUNDED VERY GAY SO UM HERE'S AN EXCERPT OF SIKRETO (still not finished writing the thingy)

Joshua: (singing to Ezekiel) (this is also the first time Joshua sings a Filipino solo so this is him breaking the script for the first time) (also um yea the translations aren't direct translations cause I wanted to make them rhyme fnxnf) (So to those who know filipino i am terribly sorry cause yup this isnt an accurate translation fjfjd)

Ang natitirang alaala ay aking binura (I have scrubbed away all the memories that may have still remained)

‘di ko na sila kilala (I don't know them anymore)

Kinalimutan na kita (I have forgotten about your name)

Ngunit ang bigat ng pagsisisi ang aking dinadala (But the weight of regret, I carry all the same)

Ang sakit sa balikat, lagi kong dinarama (I constantly feel the sting of my shoulders' pain)

Pero masasabi ko pa rin na sinusubukan kong itama (But at least I can say, I tried to right-)

Ang aking mga pagkakamali (all that's wrong)

Ikaw, saan ka pumunta? (What about you? Where in the world have you gone?)

Tumakbo ka lang at iniwan mo ako (You ran, you just ran, and left me behind)

Sa pagbubuhat ng kasalanan at sikreto (In carrying the sins and secrets, and you paid me no mind)

Pero pinapanatili ko paring malinis ang ating munting kwento (But I stillade sure I kept our little story clean)

Patuloy na sinisigurong ‘di nila malalaman ang totoo (I kept on making sure the truth would never be seen)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam na natin ang kwentong kailangang itago (We know the story that we need to hide)

Itong munting sikreto ay kailangan burahin (This little secret that has to be erased)

Ating pagkakamali, patuloy na bubuhatin (We will have to always carry, our sins and our mistakes)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam natin ang katotohanan ng nakaraan (We very well know the truth of the past)

Ito'y nakabakas sa isipan, ‘di natin malilimutan (We'll never forget what will remain ingrained in our minds)

At sa Diyos na lang natin mahahanap ang kapatawaran (And from only God could we find forgiveness for what we left behind)

Habang buhay bubuhatin ng konsensiya (Forever will our consciences bear the weight and carry

ang ating pagkakasala, ang kwento't sikreto nating dalawa (our sins kept in secrecy, the story of you and me)

Pero ngayon, ‘di ko alam paano pero nalaman nila (But now, I don't know how, but somehow they know)

At ngayon, dinedemanda na nila ang penitensya (And now, penitence is what they demand)

Kaya ngayon, naghihingi ako ng pasensiya (So now, patience and forgiveness is what I ask)

Sa iyo at sa kanila (From you and from them)

Sa aking gagawin at mga nagawa (for what I'll do and I've done)

Baka nga (Perhaps)

Tama nga mga sinabi mo (What you've said all this time is right)

Na ‘di tayo ang tanging may sala rito (That we aren't the ones only at fault here)

Pero ‘di ko matatakasan ang aking naging tungkulin (But I can't really escape my little role here, because)

Sana ‘di mo nakalimutan: lahat sila nakatingin (God I hope you haven't forgotten: they're all looking at us)

Lagi silang nakatingin (Always looking at us)

Kahit ano man ang iyong gawin (No matter what we do)

Tayo'y mananatili sa entablado (On the stage we shall stay)

At lahat sila nakatingi- (And the stares still won't go awa-) (He then realizes that he's on stage and Should Not Be Having A Breakdown In Front Of The Audience Because Duh and Because That's Not Part Of The Script)

SO UM YEA IN RETROSPECT SOME OF THOSE LYRICS COULD ALSO REFER TO SOME SECRET NOT-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP THAT THE AUDIENCE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT YET (because the Secret doesn't get revealed til much later) WHEN IN ACTUALITY IT'S ABOUT THE TRUTH BEHIND WHAT HAPPENED 3 YEARS PRIOR TO THE EVENTS IN THE SHIW AND NOT GONNA LIE,,, THEM BEING IN A NOT-SO-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP KINDA ALSO WORKS SO I'M CONSIDERING MAKING THEM HAVE SOME ROMANTIC HISTORY TOO JDHXBSJF

Oki that's all for today hdhdh there are two more characters (narrators 4 and 5) but i'm still working on them and i kinda wanna make the both of them not cis cause WHY NOT also i have been typing this for like 6 hours now and i'm tired and hungry so tjjxjs anyways if you read to the end, I'm sending you carbonara-

[bittywitches]

I’m obsessed with the college roommates concept— maybe you’re feelings lonely and kinda sad abt ur love life one night and Grayson offers to take you on a date just for fun as friends but then ~feelings~ happen ☺️

Umm do you mean that one episode in season 8 of friends where Joey takes out pregnant Rachel and gets his crush on her??? Bc yes :))

It’s probably just been one of those weeks, you know? An assload of assignments, tests and exams every other day, most of which you’d completely bombed and were feeling shitty about. You hadn’t had more than 5 hours of sleep a day in like a month, you’d been living off of microwavables and instant noodles, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a sip of water since all your energy has been from coffee. And the kids in all your group projects this semester? Idiots. Selfish pricks. Every single one of them.

So it was needless to say that you were just in one of those moods. It was a Friday night, so things had slowed down enough, finally, but it also finally gave you some time to let yourself think, and god it was not great when you had to think.

It had started as just one of those basic thoughts; “What am doing? Where is this going?” which lead to “Why am I even in college in the first place?” Ending with “Oh my god I’m wasting my life and I’m gonna be alone forever”.

By the time Grayson had made it home that night, you were huddled up in the living room sofa under a blanket, your laptop open in your lap and snacks all over the table a couch while “Isn’t she lovely” by Stevie Wonder played on your phone as you tried your best not to burst into tears at the thought of never finding a boyfriend.

“Whoa, I don’t remember getting my invite to this slumber party.” He laughed, kicking his shoes off and throwing his bag onto the single sofa next to yours.

You slumped your shoulders. “It’s not a slumber party, it’s a pity party.”

“Oh?” He sat himself down on the sofa. “Who for?”

“Me, who else?” You wallowed, stuffing some more popcorn into your mouth.

“Why, did you get marks back?” He asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, a bit concerned at the volume of popcorn you were putting into your mouth with each bite.

“No, but what’s the point? I already know I’m doing bad.” You slumped backwards into the couch, just wishing you could be swallowed by the pillows and cushions.

“Hey,” He placed a hand on your knee, looking at you seriously now. He knew you. Your general melt downs he was used to, but this was different. He could tell something was wrong. “You okay?”

You sighed, grabbing your phone off the counter and pausing the song so you could think straight. “You don’t wanna hear about it.”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

You sighed, slipping your legs out from under you and dangling them off the couch. “Okay, um..” Grayson’s hand had fallen away, and you suddenly felt like rubbing the spot on your leg where it had been. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just been so busy lately, and it’s just gotten me thinking about my life in general. And how I haven’t gone out on a date in like…” You had to stop and think, and started laughing after a few seconds. “In so long I can’t even remember. Wow, god.” You sunk back into the couch. “I miss dating.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you. “Yea?”

“Yeah, you know,” You waved your hands around vaguely. “The whole excitement of it. Getting to dress up and look all nice. Feeling all pretty.” He tilted his head at you, and you shook your head and laughed. “But you know, not that I need the reminder. I’m obviously hot as fuck.” You gestured to yourself, highlighting your nest of hair and your stained sweatshirt. You waited for him to laugh, but he just continued to look at you with that weirdly deep expression.

“What?”

“How about I take you on a date?”

You blinked at him, then started to chuckle, confused. “Huh?”

“You know, as friends. But I’ll give you like, the whole experience.”

You almost spit at that. “The ‘whole experience’?”

He rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. We’ll get all dressed up, go out to a nice place for dinner or something.”

You sat up now, your eyes narrowed at him. “Why?”

“Why not? It’s a friday. If you have stuff to do you can always do it later.”

“You know where that mindset gets me, Dolan.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun.” He smiled. “Plus, you deserve a fun night.”

You scoffed. “Yea, but not with a boyfriend or anything. With my roommate.”

“You think you could do better?”

“Incredibly.”

“God just shut up and go change.”

You laughed. “I— You know what? What the heck.” You got up, and he did with you. “Ah, okay!” You gave him a quick squeeze before running to your room, and his eyes followed after you, a gentle smile on his lips.

…

He’d done the whole shebang. He got dressed in a nice dress shirt and clean black jeans, something you’d actually never seen him wear before. He’d somehow gotten you a bouquet of flowers, which, you weren’t even sure where or how he’d gotten them, because you couldn’t have taken more than twenty minutes to get ready. Nonetheless, he truly was the gentleman you had never expected. This was Grayson, the guy you watched old disney movies with and cried with during finals. He was the one you’d eat whole pints of ice cream with and play The Last of Us with and helped you master. He certainly wasn’t the one who was supposed to be complimenting you on your dress and taking you out to nice dinners. But here he was, doing just that.

He’d parked his car and was now escorting you inside this tiny but upscale italian restaurant, simple but elegant. As you entered through the glass door, the dazzling chandelier above the waiting area along with the gorgeous red sconces blew you away.

“Grayson how did you get a place like this on such short notice?” You whispered to him, gripping his arm, a bit intimidated by all the fancy folk waiting inside.

“I know some people.” He responded, a small smile on his lips.

You slapped his arm. “As if, you don’t even know the name of the Starbucks barista on campus.”

He rolled his eyes. “Can’t you let me be cool?” You stared at him waiting for the response, and he sighed. “This place is fairly new. Not that many people know about it yet, so it’s pretty easy to get a reservation.”

“How’d you know about it then?”

“Found it when I was looking for a place to take Sarah to.”

“Oh my god that girl from your Kinesiology class?” You looked at him with wide eyes and a grin on your face. “No way! I didn’t think you’d grow the balls to ask her out.”

“Hey,” He said, but you laughed. “Well, I haven’t exactly asked her yet. I was just checking it out.”

“Well either way, she’s going to love this place, it’s so extravagant.” You made it to the front and Grayson informed the woman standing there of his reservation. She escorted you both inside and brought you to a table next to one of the windows. She’d dropped off two glasses of water and menus for you both to look at in the meantime. You peaked at the one in front of you, and your eyes grew again.

“Gray, did you happen to look at the prices before coming here?”

“Don’t worry, I’m buying.” He flipped through his casually, as if he wasn’t exasperated at the large numbers printed on the cards.

“Are you serious? What are you, made of money?”

“Hey, I promised you a fun night, right? I can make a few sacrifices.”

A young man came up to your table, and you both gave him your order. You ended up choosing the cheapest thing on the menu, because a) you didn’t want to be too much of a burden on Grayson, but also b) you barely knew what any of it was anyways. He left, you both chatted for a bit, and he returned with your meals, both of them being some sort of pasta that you were a bit embarrassed about not knowing the differences between.

Grayson didn’t really know that much either, to be quite honest, but for some reason he felt the need to impress you with this place. And he was pretty giddy about the fact that it was working.

But throughout this, you had kept staring at him, frankly a bit shocked at the whole situation you both were in. You had to shake your head to get your thoughts straight, but ended up giggling. “So, you always this sweet with the girls you take out on dates?”

He bit his cheek, but decided to play along, lowering his fork and leaning in towards you to hear you over the chatter in the restaurant. “Why, you interested?”

“No, just curious what it is that Grayson Dolan pulls to get a girl.” You crossed your arms on the table, on elbow propped up with your chin resting on your hand. “Tell me, you have any moves?”

He laughed. “What, that I just use with every girl?”

“Don’t act so modest. There’s gotta be something. What gets them drooling?” You asked a playful smile on your lips.

He rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his food. “Okay fine, um.” He cleared his throat. “It usually starts out the same, I ask them about themself. Where they’re from, what they do— like, okay. What do you like to do in your spare time?”

You snorted. “Are we doing this? Are we playing this out?”

“Yesss, go with it.”

You laughed. “Okay, uh well. I like to paint sometimes.”

“Yea? What kind of stuff?”

“Well I used to do more traditional stuff, my parents were really into those pretty realism paintings. I’d do flowers and fruits and whatever, but every since, I guess junior year of high school, I’ve been doing more pop art pieces? And a lot more self-indulgent stuff. And I…” You trailed off, realizing you were rambling, but also realizing that Grayson had his soft eyes fixed on yours.

“What?”

His eyes widened a little, as if you’d shook him out of a daze, and he chuckled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just, uh... “ He smiled. “Your eyes are really pretty.”

Your face flushed a little bit, and you looked away from him, taking a sip of water to use it as your excuse. “Ah, thank you.”

He shook his head. “Anyways, so do you still do pop art now? Or has it changed since you’ve started college?”

You blinked at him, then covered your mouth as you opened it in slight shock. “Wow, that was really good.”

He laughed. “Yea?”

“The eye thing was good on it’s own but to know you were actually listening to me? I’m impressed.” You nodded in approval.

He tilted his head, chuckling. “Thank you, thank you.” He took another bite of food before continuing. “So what about you? You have any moves?”

You snorted again. “Gray, I barely go out on enough dates in the first place, much less enough to establish any moves.”

“Why are you always so modest? You can tell me you know.”

You laughed. “Yeah duh I know, but I’m genuinely serious this time. I don’t get asked out all that often.” You shrugged. “It’s why I get excited when I do get to go on dates. It’s fun.”

Grayson was the one who couldn’t help but stare now. He blinked at you, unable to really comprehend what you were saying to him. How could people not want to ask you out? You were incredible. Looking at you now, your hair up in a dainty bun, a few curls falling down the sides of your face; your pretty off the shoulder dress that matched your deep magenta-maroon lipstick. And he wasn’t lying about your eyes, they really were so pretty. They sparkled, even more so when you were laughing. Which was usually accompanied by your scrunched up nose, making you look like a cute little bunny. He smiled at the thought, as he loved seeing that expression on your face.

“Huh.” he said out loud then, not realizing when it was he had starting noticing your small actions like that so much.

“What?” You asked, looking up at him, and suddenly, seeing those same eyes he always saw staring at him, he felt almost light headed. His face felt warm, seeing you look at him like that. He was almost afraid that you could see what he was thinking. But why would that be a problem unless…

Grayson slowly widened his eyes. Did he seriously have feelings for Y/N?

“Nothing, sorry.” He said with a smile, looking back down at his food. Sure, he’d always thought you were amazing. You were gorgeous, sure, and you made him laugh. And yea he loved hanging out with you, watching movies and playing video games, and he adored being your roommate, having late night conversations and spending all your free time together…

He wanted to mentally smack himself in the face. Shit, he had feelings for you.

This was going to be a long night.

[butchford]

Prompt: AruYuki reincarnated lovers

Yuki’s cursed to forget. Aru’s cursed to remember. You know that old saying that your birthmarks are where you got killed in another life? A thick line across their throat, a splotch over a major artery in their leg, a jagged marking over their heart. They remember all the times they’ve more than willingly thrown themself in harms way should it spell their beloved Yuki’s survival if only for another hour. To begin with it’s not so much a “love at first sight” thing given that Aru doesn’t jump to conclusions as it is a “oh I know you I know you so so well and yet..” exchanged in an alleyway as they help Yuki to his feet. And the thing is Aru doesn’t believe in soulmates but god the second they let Yuki into their thoughts they know that there’s just Something with him. And the fact that Yuki takes them to get coffee afterwards in thanks for helping his lameass out and allows Aru’s lingering glances and more than intentional brush of their fingers against his doesn’t help with the vague sense of “oh who am I kidding you mean the world to me someway somehow; you’re… you’re….” And Yuki goes to brush some of their hair out of their eyes so he has at least somewhat of an idea of what’s running through their thoughts and the brief contact initiated on Yuki’s end makes it all click together. A flash of a gunshot to the heart a dagger to the throat a knife to the thigh. Yuki watching in horror. It all clicks together. And Aru decides to say nothing about it, just tilt their head stir their matcha with its straw and let a halfhearted smile play across their lips. Aru’s more than content to leave Yuki out of the loop so long as it means he doesn’t have to deal with their stupid little ideas as to why they’re absolutely drawn to Yuki and Yuki seems more or less of the same. Ideas they’re certain have more than some truth to them. And of course Aru’s more than willing to admit the fact that they’re already more than partial to Yuki on their own accord, a genuine smile tugging at the corners of their lips as Yuki complains “are you trying to seduce me or something” at the sight of them anxiously chewing on their lips. “Glad to know what stress does to me makes me irresistible” they remark whilst still mulling over their little realization and turning Yuki’s face bright red without much effort. And of course they bicker and hit it off pretty well with Aru insisting on walking Yuki home if not solely to patronize him and of course they somehow end up swapping numbers and of course in about a month they end up being boygirlfriends to Hinata’s surprise but neither Mao nor Yuno’s, who she owes a $20 bill to each. And to Aru it’s more than welcome and ideal and god a downright a blessing but the more they hold Yuki’s hand the more Yuki sweeps them off of their feet and into his arms to bother them in a charming manner the more the two of them end up falling asleep together watching shitty tv shows the more the entire ordeal feels like deja vu to Aru. The more they remember. It all comes to a head when Yuki kisses Aru for the first time and slowly pulls away in tears but with a weak attempt at a smile as well. “We’ve done this before” “Mhm” “In another life” “Yup” “And you..” “Oh yea a thousand times over I..” “Figures your dramatic ass would be the one of us to kick the bucket so many times in so many theatrical ways” “Says Mr ‘oh fuck just figured out what my boygirlfriend has known since day one and now I’m in literal tears’“ “DAY ONE???” “I am rather perceptive” “And you didn’t think--” “No I did think and I settled on not burdening you with that baggage. Nobody wants to hear they’ve watched their, dare I say, beloved die before their eyes a thousand times over. The truth is everything but, Yuki, do you really wanna dwell so long on the fact we’ve done this dance amongst the stars for an eternity and will continue doing so forever more?” “Well when you phrase it like that I do kinda wanna drown in that sentiment” “Of fucking course you do,” Aru sighs, and with that they cup Yuki’s cheek and pull him into a kiss they’re certain they’ve done a thousand times before and will do a thousand times again without so much as considering growing sick of it. And Yuki laces his fingers around the back of Aru’s neck and remarks “You sure have a way with words when you’re not putting my brain through a blender with whatever comes out of your mouth” and Aru scoffs and has to physically restrain themself from full out laughing as they manage to snicker out “Oh so ‘gayboy summer’ is a confusing statement compared to ‘yea we’ve literally lived this a thousand times over in each other’s embrace and I pieced it together the same day I let you into my life, likely thanks to the fact that I’ve literally died for you time and time again?’“ “Yea you get it.” “And you’re going to ignore the fact that I have a history of dy--” “Yea. I’ll make this time around different.” and Aru sits for a solid thirty seconds on this heartfelt statement and decides to go with their instinctual response of “You prommy?” and Yuki says “god fine I’LL kill you then” as he wraps them in his embrace.

[synmorite]

Behind These Eyes- Chapter 2

Summary: The boys make you feel welcome in the bunker.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2955

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, mentions of depression, language, fluff

A/N: This is still a work in process, but if you have any constructive suggestions, please let me know! If there’s things that should be included in the warnings or the tags, feel free to send me a message.

*****************

After you finished cleaning yourself off, you tugged on the Led Zeppelin shirt and sweatpants that Dean left for you. Even though the pants were a bit too big, there was a drawstring that you used to tighten them so they wouldn’t fall down. You walked over to the mirror and wiped the steam off of it. You finger combed your hair and realized it was longer than when you last saw yourself in a mirror. You studied your appearance in the mirror. You looked the same, but ...not. Your skin had a healthy glow when before it was pallid with dark circles under your eyes. You looked down at your arms and while you still had scars up and down them, they didn’t bother you like they used to. You’d been surprised when you noticed them in the shower since you had gotten used to your arms being smooth again. You recognized yourself in the mirror, but realized that you looked happy and healthy. You hadn’t seen this girl in a long time before you had said yes to Arti. Smiling at your reflection, you exited the bathroom. You wandered down the hall a little bit before smelling something delicious that had your mouth watering. You followed your nose down the hall and back through the library and map room into a kitchen. Dean was humming and putting the finishing touches on a couple of burgers. He looked up and grinned brightly at you when you stepped down into the kitchen. 

“Thought you might be hungry too so I made some burgers.”

“They smell amazing, Dean. I literally just followed my nose into here. This place is a crazy maze!”

He laughed deeply and you couldn’t help but smile at him. “You have a beautiful laugh too, Dean.”

He blushed deeply again. Your grin widened.

“It is just so easy to make you blush!” 

“What? No it isn’t!” He said, defensively while continuing to blush. 

“Oh yeah? You wanna look in a mirror, handsome?” 

He looked startled at the compliment and you laughed. “Shut up and eat your burger!” He said, setting it down on the table along with a beer. You settled down at the table across from him and picked up the burger. You took a big bite and couldn’t stop the moan that escaped at the flavors that assaulted your mouth. 

“This tastes awesome! This is the best burger I’ve had in the last five years!” Dean snorted at your lame joke. “You made this?”

He nodded. “Just call me the Meat Man!” 

You choked and had to take a gulp of beer to clear your throat. Luckily, choking hid the blush that had erupted over your face at Dean’s comment.

“To quote a great man: ‘That word. I do not think it means what you think it means.’” You said once you could speak.

Dean looked slightly offended. “Don’t quote my man Inigo to me. I love meat!”

You couldn’t help the smirk and cocked eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

He caught your meaning and blushed again. “Shut up.”

You laughed and continued eating your burger in silence. 

You liked this hunter. You’d developed a crush from the stories that Arti had shared, but with meeting him you got to see this whole other side that wasn’t public knowledge. He was cute and a little nerdy. He was much more good looking that you had anticipated, and much sweeter. You could tell that he loved taking care of people by how he was taking care of you despite not really knowing you. He deserved so much better than everything that’s happened to him.

After Dean finished his burger, he watched you quietly for a few minutes. 

“What?” You asked, before taking another large bite of the burger.

“Why’d you say yes? To Arti? Cass told us that he’s a good guy, a good angel. I just don’t get why someone like you would agree to be an angel’s vessel.”

You looked up and met his green eyes before setting the last couple of bites of your burger down. Slowly, you moved your arms out in front of you so he could see the scars. His eyes widened a little at the amount and size of some of them.

“Five years ago, I was in a really bad place. Had been for a while. I’d tried everything, but nothing was helping my depression. After years of hospital visits and attempts to help, my friends and family left one by one. I’d barely been holding on and probably wasn’t far off from another suicide attempt when Arti found me. It took a month for him to convince me. I thought he was just a delusion at first. But he promised me peace. He promised that I would never be alone. He promised to help me. And he did. He gave me peace. I didn’t have any stress or expectations weighing on me. I just got to see the beauty in the world and appreciate it for what it is. Do you know what it is that Arti does?”

Dean shook his head. 

“He heals grief. He helps people move forward and on from their pain. He is a good angel.” You looked down at your empty plate. “I know that most angels are assholes. But not Arti. He only wants to help.”

Dean reached across and took your hand in his. His thumb rubbed softly over your skin, soothing you. Although, you didn’t feel that gnawing emptiness that you used to when thinking or talking about your depression, but his touch still comforted you. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He said softly. 

You smiled. “Don’t be. Really, I’m alright now.”

Just then, you heard light footsteps enter the kitchen behind you. Dean let go of your hand and you turned around to see Castiel.

“Hey Cass, what’s up?” Dean asked. Castiel’s eyes were on the spot where Dean had been holding your hand.

“May I speak to Y/N for a moment?”

“Uh, sure.” You said, puzzled. You followed Castiel from the kitchen over to the library.

“I’d like to check on Artiya’il if you don’t mind.”

“No, not at all.”

Castiel reached two fingers up and touched your forehead. You felt a gentle warmth in your center before it receded and Castiel removed his fingers.

“How is he?” You anxiously asked.

“He’s weak. They drained him almost completely of his grace. He will need time to replenish.”

“How long?”

“It is hard to say. A month or two perhaps before he can reclaim control.”

“Oh.”

“Y/N, you will need to be careful. Artiya’il does not have the power to protect you. You should stay here and under the protection of the Winchesters.” He hesitated a moment before glancing towards the kitchen. “But also, please remember that it is temporary.” He walked away with those cryptic words. Before you had a chance to try and figure out what Castiel meant, you heard Dean behind you.

“What’d he say?”

You sighed. “That Arti’s grace was depleted and it could be a couple of months before he re-emerges and takes control.”

You saw something flash across his face before he settled on an indifferent look. You swore it looked like relief or excitement.

“I’m gonna need more clothes. And underwear…” You said, cocking your head at Dean.

His eyes sparkled at you and he smirked. “You could just go naked, sweetheart.”

You burst out laughing. “You first, smartass.”

He grinned. “Not sure you could handle it. I can take you out tomorrow if you want. Need to do a supply run anyway.”

“Awesome, thanks.” You yawned then and were startled to realize that you were exhausted.

“You should head to bed. Been a long day.” Dean said. He reached forward and laid his hand lightly on your lower back as he guided you back to your room. You curled up under the blankets and sighed softly at the softness. Dean shut your light off for you and as he shut the door, you heard him whisper, “Good night, princess.” Then you let sleep overtake you.

*

You slept peacefully and woke feeling well-rested. According to the clock, it was six in the morning. Still early. Stretching, you laid in the bed trying to think of what to do next. You had a couple months before Arti could come back. Castiel suggested you stay here, but you didn’t want to be a burden. You hated being a burden. That’s what you’d been to your family. You shot up in bed. Your family. You’d vanished without a trace five years ago. What did they think happened to you?

Throwing off the covers, you climbed out of bed and cracked open the door. You leaned out and glanced at Dean’s door. It was shut. You didn’t want to wake him up to ask to borrow a computer. You looked between your room and his door, debating on just waiting for him to wake up, but then you smelled coffee. The other brother, Sam, must be up. You hadn’t spoken to him much on the car ride to the bunker, but he seemed nice enough. You quietly shut your door and padded down the hall towards the library and kitchen. 

You could hear some movement coming from the kitchen so you hesitantly entered it and spotted Sam sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and a newspaper. He looked up when you came down the steps and smiled brightly.

“Hey Y/N! How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty good.” 

“Want some coffee?”

You nodded eagerly. He smiled at you again and got up to pour you a cup. 

You sat down at the table, and Sam set a cup down in front of you.

“Sugar? Milk?”

“Nah, I like it black.” 

Sam chuckled. “Dean does too.”

You smiled, thinking of Dean. “When does he get up?”

“It varies. Sometimes he’s up around now, but after a hunt he catches up on missed sleep a little. I’m not sure when he crashed.”

You sipped your coffee and Sam slid the paper over to you. 

“I like going out for a run in the morning so I’ll be out for an hour. You need anything?”

“Uh, yeah. Do you have a computer I could use? I’d like to check in on my family…” You trailed off.

“Yea, no problem. I’ll go grab my laptop from my room.” Sam got up and placed his empty cup in the sink before leaving the kitchen. 

You pulled the paper in front of you and glanced at the headlines. It didn’t look like much changed in the world. Still misery, death, and corruption. You sighed, knowing that while you had been at peace, the world would never find it.

Sam returned and set his laptop in front of you.

“The password to get in is getoffmycomputerdean. All lowercase.”

You burst out laughing. Sam grinned.

“Surprisingly, he hasn’t guessed it yet. Don’t tell him.”

“Oh, don’t worry. My lips are sealed.”

“Good. Alright, I’ll be back in about an hour.”

“Kay. Thanks Sam.”

Sam turned around and you heard his heavy footsteps before the bunker door thudded shut. You finished your coffee and carried Sam’s laptop into the library. You settled into a chair and opened his laptop. Giggling, you typed the password in and pulled up a google search page. Debating with yourself, you couldn’t decide between googling yourself or googling your family. Finally, you settled on yourself. You typed your name and your home city in and then eyed the results. Top results were an obituary and a link to a newspaper from 2010.

You clicked on the obituary first. It was definitely for you. 

Y/N Y/L/N- Y/N passed away presumably around April 23rd, 2009. Y/N suffered from mental illness much of her life before disappearing last year without any warnings to her family and friends. She is survived by her parents and a younger sister. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the family’s Go Fund Me page to support them in their time of grief.

You scoffed. The date was off by two weeks. You said ‘yes’ to Arti on April 7th. You had figured that you would have been declared dead by now, but you thought they would have gotten your disappearance date more correct.

Moving on to the newspaper, you realized it was just the requirement to declare you dead legally. Just a couple of sentences about what you looked like, when you disappeared, and to contact the police with any information about your disappearance before you were legally declared dead. 

Next, you went onto Facebook. Luckily, you still remembered your password. You scrolled through your own page and saw the only recent comments on your page were random people from high school and some former jobs wishing you happy birthday. Even after your supposed death. You searched through your short friends list until you found your sister. You scrolled through her page and saw that she’d been in a relationship with a guy for the last four years. All of her pictures were of her and this guy. You kept scrolling through all of the inane content she posted until you finally reached a post that mentioned you. 

It’s finally done! The judge approved the declaration of Y/N’s death this morning.

That was two days before when the obituary was posted. You scrolled through the comments on the post and saw some people ask what happened. Your sister answered very simply. We’re pretty sure she killed herself. She had a long history of mental illness.

You kept scrolling and found another post that mentioned you a few months before that.

For those of you who know my sister, Y/N, can you let me know if you’ve seen her? Parents got a collection notice in the mail for her and we can’t get a hold of her to pass it along.

That was it. Those were the only posts about you. And from what you could tell, your family didn’t realize you were missing for nine months. 

You leaned back in the chair and frowned at the computer. You knew you’d been a burden to them, but wasn’t quite expecting so much indifference to your supposed death.

You were so stuck in your thoughts, that you didn’t hear Dean approach you from behind.

“Hey, you okay?” Dean said, touching your shoulder gently. You jumped at the contact.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He pulled the chair out next to you and glanced at the computer screen. “Looking yourself up? What’d you find?”

“My family didn’t realize I was missing for months.” You murmured.

He studied your face carefully before reaching up and wiping away a tear that managed to escape your eye. 

“Hey,” he said softly. “A wise man once told me that family don’t end in blood. Arti is your family now. I can be your family. Sam and Cass can be your family. We can be the family that you choose you have.” He grasped your hand in his and rubbed his thumb across the back of it.

Your eyes raised and met his gorgeous green ones. You could see in them the sincerity. He was offering you a place with his family. To be a part of it. And you knew in your heart that all of them would make you feel welcome. Hell, they already had. From Dean cooking you dinner last night to Sam loaning you his computer. They really wouldn’t hesitate to bring you in and make you part of their little family. This could be home. 

You nodded. A wide grin spread across Dean’s face and you leaned forward and hugged him hard. After just a second’s hesitation, Dean wrapped his arms around you too. You gave another squeeze before pulling away. Dean’s hands reluctantly pulled away from your back, but he left one on your waist. The warmth of his palm through the shirt caused goosebumps to raise across your skin.

Dean glanced at the computer again and his eyes widened. 

“Wait, that’s Sam’s computer! You know his password?!?!” He reached a hand towards it and you quickly smacked his hand away.

“Dean, no!” 

He reached for the computer again. “Dean, yes!” You tried to smack his hand away again, but he squeezed your side with the hand that was still resting there. You squeaked. He stopped and looked at you in surprise before a grin spread across his perfect pink lips.

“Oh, no. No, don’t you dare, you fucker!” He quickly reached for you instead of the computer and then started to tickle your sides. 

Tears ran down face as you giggled and snorted and tried to twist away from his hands. You heard the bunker door slam shut.

“Sam! Save me, Sam! He’s tickling me!’ Dean stopped and you gasped for breath. You looked over at Sam and saw he was grinning.

“Yea, I don’t think I want to get involved.” 

“Hey, I gave myself up in defense of your computer!” Dean looked at the computer again which was now closed. 

“Hey now! When did you shut it?” He said indignantly.

“You were too busy torturing me to notice, handsome.” You grinned. 

“Well if it was to protect my computer and password… Dean’s also very ticklish.” Sam said.

Dean gasped next to you. “Traitor!” 

You turned back around to smirk at Dean, but were met with an empty chair. You could hear his footsteps retreating down the hall.

“Hey! Get back here and take your tickling like a man!” You shouted after him.

“Nope!” He laughed and you ran after him. 

Go to Chapter 3 >>>

[thatsaweirdwaytospellundead]

To TAURUS: Citron /1

Summary: For Citron’s birthday celebration Spring Troupe goes to karaoke together and Citron makes a wish. However it seems like Citron’s wish does not turn out as he expected...

Izumi  

Oh, it’s almost Citron’s birthday. Did you guys decide on what you’re gonna do?

Tsuzuru  

Yes’su.

Citron  

We’re gonna go do karaoke!

Tsuzuru  

*sigh* We said we could go anywhere, but he seemed insistent on karaoke.

Well it’s Citron’s birthday after all, and we did agree we would go wherever he wants.

Citron 

I’ve been wanting to go back to karaoke with the rest of spring troupe for a while now.

Izumi  

I am sure you guys will still have a great time at karaoke in your own party room.

Citron  

I want you to come along too!

Izumi  

But you said you wanted to go with Spring Troupe and I am not in Spring Troupe..

(Citron literally just contradicted what he just said two seconds ago, is this right?)

Are you sure I won’t be intruding?

Citron  

No way!

Tsuzuru  

If the birthday boy invited you then of course it’s fine.

Izumi  

Alrighty then I’ll tag along.

Citron  

I’m really looking forward to karaoke! SO EGGCITING YEAH!

Izumi  

(Huh, Itaru just messaged me on LIME.)

Itaru  

I got something to ask you, please come to my room.

Izumi  

(Something to ask me..?)

Izumi  

Hey Itaru, you here?

Itaru  

Hey director, thanks for coming.

Sakuya  

Sorry for the message so late at night.

Izumi 

It’s alright.. Hey, what are you all doing here at this hour?

Tsuzuru  

We’ve been thinking about giving Citron a little surprise for his birthday.

Izumi  

Ohhh, I think Citron will love that.

Masumi  

And we wanted to ask if you could help us.

Izumi  

You want me to help?!

Chikage  

Citron is rather perceptive so we thought having more people involved in the surprise would increase our chances of success since the burden wouldn’t only be on one person.

Izumi  

I see. So that’s what this is all about.. I will do whatever I can to help!

Sakuya  

That’s great! Thank you so much!

Itaru  

Alrighty then, so this is the signal. Counting on you, director.

Izumi  

I-I’ll do my best!

Tsuzuru  

We’ll do our best to distract him so don’t worry too much.

Masumi  

We won’t be exposed, I’ll give you the remote in time.

Izumi  

(I’m nervous about pulling this off..)

Citron  

I am so excited to sing Karaoke with you guys! Let’s sing our hearts out until we lose our voices!

Sakuya  

EHH!? No no, let’s not lose our voices!

Chikage  

Yes, let’s not strain our voices too much.

Izumi  

(Ahh.. Almost time for the surprise to start, I’m super nervous..)

Tsuzuru  

How about we order our food first?

Citron  

I want try Russian Roulette Takoyaki!

Itaru  

I’ll take some pizza.

Tsuzuru  

Why do I suddenly feel a wave of deja vu..

Izumi  

Russian Roulette Takoyaki.. Uhh yea I really don’t want to be the unlucky one who gets the ball filled with wasabi.

Masumi  

Let’s try and find the wasabi one first and Chikage can eat it.

Chikage  

Bring it.

Itaru  

That’s Mr. Supa Hot Fire for you.

Citron  

Noooo noo, that defeats the purpose of Russian Roulette Takoyaki!

Tsuzuru  

.. Alright, placed the order.

Sakuya  

Please pick a song, Citron!

Citron  

Okay! I wanna sing this one first!

♪~ ♪~

Izumi  

(This is a Zahran song. It sounds so lovely with a hint of mystery.)

Sakuya  

Wow Citron, you sound like a pro!

Staff  

Excuse me, thank you for waiting here is your food.

Citron  

Oh! The Russian Roulette Takoyaki is here!

Tsuzuru  

And the rest of our food and drinks too.

Sakuya  

But wait, Citron! How can we tell which drinks are whose?

Citron  

Oh, is it Sakuya quiz time!? This one here um.. I don’t remember who ordered it!

Itaru  

I am the only one who got cola so I don’t remember what anyone else got.. Feels bad man.

Citron  

Just kidding!

Izumi  

..

Tsuzuru  

So the plan is going to be like this..

Chikage  

First, Citron and Sakuya are going to chat a little whilst I take the remote and change the channel.

Masumi  

Next, I will stealthily take the remote from Chikage and pass it to the director.

Sakuya  

And when Itaru gives the signal, you will press the play button.

Izumi  

(It’s gonna start soon..)

Chikage  

..

Masumi.

Masumi  

Roger that.

Director.

Izumi  

Y-Yeah.

Itaru  

Alrighty, let’s cheers!

Izumi  

(That’s the signal!)

Citron  

!

To be continued... Read part 2 here!

[suchdan-veryphil]

You Need To Back Up-Domestic!Kylo Ren Imagine

Me: Why is my fic not getting any notes? 

Also me: *Didn’t upload, just saved as a draft*

Request: 

Anonymous said: “Wouldn’t you like to know” was pure perfection and the way you wrote kylo *chef kisses* I need more dramatic puppy ren please I’m begging you 🥺 can I request kylo x reader bickering throughout the day? If that makes sense? Like couples squabbling?

Word Count: 1,539

Trigger Warnings: Swearing possibly? Sexual innuendos. 

A/N: First of all, thank you for your chef kisses. That’s the best compliment I have ever gotten on a piece of my writing bhahah. Here you go, anon. I hope you like reading it as much as I liked writing it. I wish I could write this forever. I had more things in mind for them to squabble over. I might make a babble out of it.

-------

I woke up knowing that he was home for the day. It was a nice change for once, having him there. 

We made breakfast together, took a shower together, had a clean laundry fight, and eventually started a movie. I set it up as he made the snacks. I laughed while I watched the large man carry in two bowls of popcorn, multiple bags of chips, and a bag of loose sweets into the living room. 

“Bring anything for me?” I teased, pausing the movie so that he wouldn’t miss anything. 

“Nope, and I am not sharing,” he went along with the joke as he placed the snacks on the table and gently pulled me into his side to cuddle comfortably as we took a moment to get comfortable. Once settled, I turned the movie on and rested my head against his chest. 

“Can I see the remote?” Kylo reached his arm over in the direction of the remote control in a failed attempt to grab it. I leaned over and held it up for him to take before he paused the movie and turned the subtitles off. 

“Woah, what are you doing?” 

“Turning off the subtitles. I can’t concentrate on the movie,” 

“I like the subtitles, they help me understand the content better,” 

“You can’t hear it?” 

“That’s not what I said,” I reached for the remote and grunted as he stretched his arm up so that I couldn’t reach it. 

“If you can’t hear, we’ll turn it up,” Kylo turned the TV up and pressed play. 

“No, now it’s too loud!” 

“You really need the subtitles?” 

“Yes! How do you not know this already?” I spun my body in a way that allowed me to grab the remote and turn the TV down. 

“We never really have time to watch movies together, I guess. Fine, turn them on,” 

His voice never raised, his tone remained clear and concise, and he didn’t say anything in a way that made me feel badly. 

“Thank you,” I turned the subtitles back on and got comfortable once more to watch the movie. 

Kylo ran his hands through my hair and I rubbed mindless circles on his stomach. We didn’t get days like this very often, in fact, the last time he and I had a day to do nothing was before he killed Snoke. 

His hands continued to run though my hair and I could feel the heaviness of my eyelids getting stronger. Before I knew it, I woke up tucked into the blanket on the couch with Kylo watching a new movie, sans subtitles. 

I stretched a little bit and looked up to him. “Hey, sorry I fell asleep..” I yawned and stood up to see all of the wrappers from the candies and the crumbs from the snacks. I laughed a little and grabbed them by the handful. 

“You’re a mess,” I teased as I walked into the kitchen to empty the contents of my hands. 

“I was going to clean those up, I didn’t want to wake you-” 

“No it’s fine. I was up.” 

“You didn’t have to do that.” 

“I was joking when I called you a mess, I’m sorry if you took it personally,” I turned to look at him and tilted my head a little. 

“No, I don’t take it personally I just - I don’t want you to think that you have to clean up after me,” 

“Kylo, my sweet sweet Supreme Leader, I’ve been picking up after you for two years.” I smiled a little, but he didn’t find it very funny. He looked away before turning off the TV and sitting back on the couch. 

“I’m not that big of a burden-” I cut him off before his temper rose and he began to jump to extreme conclusions. 

“You are not a burden, I was just joking, I’m sorry if it was insensitive.” I walked back over to behind the couch where he was sitting and rubbed his shoulders a bit before kissing the top of his head. 

“It’s fine, let’s just drop it.” He put his hand over mine and looked up so that we were looking at one another. 

“What do you wanna do? It’s your first time having a day off in, goodness I don’t know how long,” 

Kylo shrugged his shoulders. “I just wanna stay in, even the thought of going out right now is making my head hurt.” 

I smirked a little and nodded, knowing that he would never voluntarily go out into public only to be surrounded by people. Kylo’s patience was thinner than anyone’s I’d ever met. To test it was to set yourself up for a long night. 

“I like the sound of that.” 

“Why don’t we get some organizing done? I honestly think I’ll lose my mind if I just sit here all day and do nothing,” Kylo stood up slowly and picked up some of his snacks and drinks to bring to the kitchen. I shrugged and looked around the home. It looked pretty organized to me, but who was I to oppose to the idea of mindless housework with my favorite being in the galaxy? 

We started in the bedroom. We cleaned up after our clean laundry fight from that morning, organized our closet, changed our sheets, and went through our clothes that we haven’t worn in months. It didn’t take long before moved into the bathroom and then the kitchen. I sat on the ground while I browsed through the contents of our pantry. 

“When is the last time we went through this stuff?” Kylo asked as he went through the fridge and freezer. 

“The last time I went to the market...” I paused a moment and looked at the pantry’s contents and started to group them into different categories of foods. Cans of vegetables, chips, granola, pasta, cans of sauce, and things along those lines. 

“When was that?” His voice was a little sharp, poking me in the side slightly. 

“Like, last week. Why what’s wrong?” 

“Half of these things are about to expire, Y/N.” He was placing frozen foods on the counter top, not even looking at me. 

“Okay? That’s why we cook them before they expire,” 

“We surely can’t cook all of this before the end of this week.” 

“End of this week? What gave you that idea?” I put down the can of beans as I stood up and walked over to inspect the unworthy food items on the counter. 

“That’s when you’ll be shopping next, no?” 

“Yes, but we can still cook these things before they go bad, Kylo. Why are you putting these on the counter? They’re fine. They haven’t even been opened yet.” I grabbed the bags of frozen fruit we used for breakfasts and desserts. 

“We can’t use them, we have to throw them away.” 

“That isn’t how that works, oh my Force.” I gathered the bags on the counter and went to place them in the freezer. 

“What- stop that. What are you doing?” 

“I’m putting them back! They will go bad if we let them thaw out,” I shoved the items back on the shelf as I squeezed myself between Kylo and the fridge. 

“Y/N, I love you but you need to back up.” Kylo took them back out of the freezer, ticking me off a little bit. “Are you seriously getting upset?” 

I locked my jaw to contain myself before I shook my head. “No...” I lied. 

“I sense it. You’re getting angry. I just want us to have fresh food, Y/N.” 

I took a deep breath and sighed. “I know that, but there’s no need to throw out food that is frozen and is absolutely fine to consume.

We faced each other, each of us holding up our frozen food item. The staring contest lasted all of a minute before I watched him slowly put the food back in the freezer. 

“Thank you.” I set the contents of my hand onto the counter beside the rest of the poor unwanted food before I walked over to the pantry again and finished up my project. I soon heard the freezer door shut and Kylo speak. 

“I’m done organizing.” 

I took a look around the pantry and moved a few things around before replying, “Me too.” 

“No, I mean forever,” Kylo then sat in his usual spot at the dinner table. 

I closed the door to the pantry and turned to face him. “Forever?” 

He replied with a nod, not looking at me. I held in my giggle as I walked over to him and sat on his lap, wrapping my arms around him. 

“Well, we got through three rooms...” I paused as I rested my head on his shoulder. 

“Yea.. but we can never do that ever again,” 

I looked up at him and smirked, “well, not together at least.” 

The chuckle that escaped him let me know that he was over any kind of tension there may have been over the frozen fruit. 

“I can think of something else that we can do together,” he said softly, somehow not losing any depth to his voice, as he kissed the side of my face. 

“Lead the way, Supreme Leader...” 

[bigcat-hanson]

Down In Flames [Part Two] | Arin Hanson X Reader

After your apartment complex burned down, you had nowhere to go, but you would never put that burden onto anyone, especially not your friends. How long can you hide it?

Word count: 1,313

     “Hey, (Y/N), you up for lunch?”

     The voice behind you snapped you out of your thoughts, causing you to jump a bit out of your seat. You turned around to see who had posed the question to you, only to be greeted by Arin’s concerned expression.

     “You ok?”

     “Uh, yea, sorry. I, um, I was just zoning out a bit,” you lied, desperately hoping he wouldn’t suspect anything further than that. 

     “Sounds about right. So, do you wanna go to lunch? Jory and I were thinking of grabbing some sushi.” Thank god, he didn’t seem to notice. It took just about every ounce of energy you had to contain the newfound urge to cry until you passed out.

     “Sure, yea. Let me just, um, let me just grab my stuff real quick, just a sec,” you stuttered out, quickly shutting off your computer screen and fishing your wallet and car keys out of the drawer of your desk before following Arin out to the parking lot, where Jory had been waiting for the both of you in his car. You were willing to take any distraction that came your way, and getting lunch seemed like a pretty good one.

     Then Jory drove past the apartments.

     He slowed a bit as you went by, but somehow everything seemed to go much slower than they already were. Every detail of the scene hit you like a truck. The swarms of aid cars, news vans, fire trucks, and police cars surrounding the building, or at least what was left of it. Even though the flames were out, smoke still poured out from the charred remains of what you once called your home. There was no going back there. You swallowed hard, trying to keep your composure.

     “Holy Jesus fuck, what happened there?” Arin exclaimed, leaning towards the scene as you passed. 

     “It’s all over the news, man. They think someone burned it down on purpose. I think like, 6 or 7 people were killed, too. It’s messed up,” Jory replied. The lump in your throat felt like it grew bigger and bigger the more you were faced with your inevitable future. 

     “God, that sucks ass. Hopefully the rest of them’ll be able to find places to stay.” Arin’s comment just about broke you. Had you not been sitting in the back seat, they both would’ve caught the few tears that managed to escape your eyes. You wiped them away as quickly as possible in a desperate attempt to mask your emotions.

     The sushi place that Jory chose was almost packed, with one table clearly open. As the boys decided amongst themselves whether they wanted to sit down or take out, you tried to focus your attention on the menu. As you scanned over every item listed, you realized that none of it sounded appealing. You were almost nauseated by the thought of eating just about anything right now. 

     The more you stared at the board, the less sounds you registered around you. Everything became muffled, as if you were staring at the rest of the world from the inside of a glass jar. You saw flames in the chalk writing, smelled the smoke as if you were standing right in the middle of it. The sound of the sirens rang through your ears and-

     Jory clapped his hand on your shoulder, shaking you a bit. For a split second, you had completely forgotten where you were.

“Are you ok? You look really distracted.”

     “Uh, yea. Yea, I’m fine. I just remembered the last time I had sushi wasn’t exactly a fun experience.”

     “Oh, crap. I remember that. This probably wasn’t the best idea for lunch then.”

     “No, you’re fine. I’ll just, um, I’ll just get something else later. No big deal.”

     “Alright. We’ll stop wherever on the way out of here so you can grab something that doesn’t make you sick.” Was that even possible?

~~~~~~

     Time seemed to have no meaning anymore. It had somehow been both the shortest and longest four days of your life. Everything blended together in a haze of exhaustion, anxiety, and the back pain that came from sleeping in your car. Nobody knew that at this point, you were technically homeless, and you weren’t about to let it slip to any of them. Finding a new place to live was hard enough without people constantly interrupting your work to ask questions.

     The soft light of your computer screen reflected off of your dull eyes as you fought to keep awake long enough to finish editing the last sixty seconds of the video you were working on. Your arms and eyelids felt heavier and heavier as the seconds ticked by. The most excruciating minute of your life was finally over after what felt like half an hour. 

     “Ready to head out?” Arin stood next to your desk, jacket slung over his shoulder. Fuck. The promise you had made him earlier that morning completely slipped your mind. His car battery had died before he came into work, and when Vernon said that he could only bring him to work and not take him home at the end of the day, you blindly offered to help. Pre-coffee decisions weren’t exactly your strong suit.

     “Yea, uh… let me just save this, then we can head out.” The closer you got to your car, you realized just how compromising the inside probably looked. Given it was after dark, you were banking on him not being able to see the makeshift bed in your back seat.

     “Thanks for driving me, by the way. First thing tomorrow, I’m getting a new battery,” Arin stated. You looked at him and gave him a half smile before walking around to the driver’s side door, mentally crossing your fingers.

     “Okay, where to?” You clicked your seatbelt and started the engine as Arin rattled off his address. Thankfully, you had a pretty good idea of where he lived. You didn’t want to use up any more of your phone’s battery power than you needed to. 

     The ride was filled with conversation, mostly about the most ridiculous food combinations that both of you had ever heard of. It was nice to get completely lost in a conversation with someone, even if the topic was a little ridiculous. 

     “And here we are,” Arin announced as you pulled into his driveway. Your foot pressed down on the brakes, and the car was put in park to let him get out and say his goodbyes for the night. “I’ll probably be in late tomorrow because of the whole battery thing, so let Tucker know I’m sorry if I delay any recordings or anything.”

     “Will do. Good luck with that. Anyways, um, goodnight, Arin.”

     “See you tomorrow, (Y/N). Get home safe, ok?” With those words, he smiled, shut the car door, and disappeared into his house.

     Maybe it was the thought of having to sleep in your cold car another night, or the fact that he said ‘home’, as if you had one anymore, but the wall that you forced yourself to build finally came crashing down. The second he was out of sight, all of your emotions hit you at once, and you started crying. Waves of tears poured down your face and into your hands and lap. Sobs  overcame you. You couldn’t breathe. Every bad feeling that you were trying to avoid was suddenly engulfing you in misery. You couldn’t drive like this. All you could do now was take a few minutes to let it out, and hope that you would calm down enough to drive away soon.

     It took several minutes of attempting about a thousand different breathing techniques before you could even remotely see anything clearly. Shaky hands reached up and wiped the tears out of your eyes, and you attempted to get your bearings. There was a knock at your window.

     Shit. 

[seulbby]

nothing hurts more

——————————————————————————

warnings - angst, unrequited love, sweating

pairings - steve rogers x reader, bucky barnes x reader (platonic) steve rogers x natasha romanoff

a/n - idk why but i love angst lol.

“i’m going to tell him” you’ve had feelings for america’s golden boy for months now and also happen to be your bestfriend. bucky kept telling you to just say something because he swears steve feels the same way.

“finally!! you actually taking my advice.” he was more than estatic which was weird because this is your love life? but whatever. as you were walking up to go to steve your feelings you over hear a conversation that maybe you didn’t want to over hear.

•••

“i know she has feelings for me tony, but i’m with natasha and y/n isn’t my type at all.” it hurt. that’s a pain you never thought you’d feel. but you can’t show your emotions right now in the open. so you walk in like nothing happened. what are you supposed to say to that.

“oh hey y/n. when did you walk in?” now he’s trying to save his own ass. how nice. but just the sound of his voice makes you wanna break down and cry.

“just walked in captain.” to keep your composer you just grab a water bottle and walk out. you can’t stand the thought of being in here any longer.

“oh well do you wanna hangout and watch a move for old time sake?” he says with that goofy grin he always does when he wants something. you really want to say yes, but you can’t. you just need to go in your room and cry and cry until you can’t because this is the most broken you’ve ever felt.

“not right now cap. i’m pretty tired so goodnight.” you pains your to say it but you can’t hang around him anymore. you just can’t. it would take to much out of you just to make him happy and you can’t do it anymore.

“oh. well goodnight maybe we can hangout tomorrow” probably not you thought. probably never again.

with that you just nod and walk out. you legs don’t move quick enough to get out of that environment. once you get back to your room you can’t open the door fast enough. as soon as your in you slide down the door and cry. cry until your heart is repaired. cry until you can’t anymore.

after of what felt like hours of crying you hear a knock.

“hey y/n. it’s bucky. are you okay in there? i hear crying.” you stand up and wipe your eyes and open the door.

“hey buck” as soon has he looks at you his heart breaks. he’s never seen you so distraught. he’s never seen you cry at all actually. your usually not a crier. but tonight is the exception.

“omg what happened?”

“he’s with natasha” you said with a shrug. there’s not much else to say.

“i am so sorry y/n. i had no idea. if i did i wouldn’t have pushed you” he brings you into a hug. and that’s the last straw and the dam breaks. you cry and cry some more and your sobbing and doing those weird hiccup things you do when you cry to hard.

•••

it’s been a couple days since that whole fiasco and the only thing you got out of this is unrequited love is a bitch. it’s a whole bitch and a half. this pain in your chest is unlike any other. it isn’t like the tile you got shot during a mission. it isn’t like the time you got hit by one of sams wings.

you haven’t talked to steve since that night. it hurt you to much so you asked friday to keep you updated on his whereabouts so you didn’t run into him. youuu go to the gym late at night so you wouldn’t see him. the only good thing that you got out of this is you got closer to bucky. bucky has always been a good friend but now you could safely say he is probably your bestfriend. after wanda. she’d get mad if she heard you say that.

bucky has been there thought out the days of your broken heart. it’s been great having him there for you. but the one time he can’t be you see steve since that night.

as you walked into the kitchen you see him making cereal. you shocked. you asked friday if he was out here and she said no. that little weasel.

“hey y/n. where have you been? i haven’t seen you in a couple days.” what’s are you supposed to say to that? well i have kinda been ignoring you for the last couple days because you broke my heart unintentionally.

“haven’t been feeling well so i’ve stuck to my room to avoid getting anyone else sick.” you lied. straight through your teeth.

“well that’s funny cause i saw bucky go in there quite a few times. so” fuck. fuck. fuck. how the fuck do you get out of this.

“oh well he was just bringing me medicine and stuff. it’s not a big deal” another lie. you just can’t stop the lies from coming. you hate confrontation. so you just try to avoid it as soon as possible.

“oh well why didn’t you ask me? i could’ve helped you and brought you medicine that’s what best friends are for” bestfriends. the word made you wince.

“well he offered and i didn’t want to be a burden so. but i’m gonna go. see ya”

“y/b wait-“ before he could finish it you were already halfway down the hallway. this was no way to heal a broken heart.

•••

the next time you saw him was a couple days later and he was knocking on your door.

“y/n. open the door. i know your in there”

“just a minute.” you didn’t have anything on besides bucky’s t-shirt and panties. you were in your room after all. after finding a pair of sweat pants you open the door.

“hey steve what’s up?”

“well i was hoping we could watch a movie or something since we haven’t hung out in a while..” what the fuck. you thought. you can’t do this. you haven’t even stopped crying yourself to sleep at night. you can’t handle this.

“actually i was about to go to bed and i’m still a little sick wouldn’t want you to get sick”

“cut the bullshit y/n. you know i can’t get sick. why have you been avoiding me?”

“i haven’t been. i told you i was sick. i haven’t been up to hangout with anyone.”

“that’s bullshit because bucky has been in here every night hanging out with you. so what’s your deal?”

“nothing steve! mind your own fucking business.”

“i can’t when soemthing it going on with my bestfriend so please tell me so i can fix it.” running thing is, this was soemthing he couldn’t fix.

“you can’t fix it! so please get the fuck out and leave me alone!!” you were yelling at this point. how come he couldn’t take a hint and leave you alone? this was all to much. next thing you know he’s bathing in your room and closing the door.

“tell me what going on with you! because we used to hangout all the tome every day! and now you can’t even look at me?” of course you can’t. because you love him and he loves someone else.

“because i love you. and u love someone else. so please give me a couple weeks to get over it before we start hanging out again. because i can’t heal my broken heart when your always around. so please can you get the fuck out now?!” you were out of breathe at this point from your monologue. but yet he’s still standing there.

“you don’t thing i’ve known? i see the way you look at me but i choose to ignore it because your my bestfriend besides bucky and i love nat. so why can’t we go back to normal now?” he was seriously pissing you off. why can’t he accept you decision to wait a couple weeks and heal yourself?

“no. i said get the fuck out now. because i can’t deal with this. and if you don’t get out of my room we’re not friends anymore.” this whole situation was exhausting to say the least.

“okay whatever” and with that he left. fianlly you thought. he can’t just expect you to heal over night. like what kind of person does that.

•••

it’s been a couple months and you haven’t talked to steve since that night. you’d gotten over the whole thing fairly. a little bit of you is still heartbroken he didn’t feel the same way. but what can you do.

you’ve been on a couple dates with someone special. actually someone really special. and ou there he was.

“hey bucky” yes bucky was your new someone special. after he helped you get over steve. you realized you had feelings for him.

“hey baby, how’s it going” you both decided not to tell the team yet. and since there was no one around you guys could act like you did in private.

“good good. how do u feel about having a movie night tonight?” you asked as you walked up to him for a kiss.

“what the fucK?!”oh shit. you both just got caught. you whip your head to see who that came from. and guess who it was. mr. captain america himself. “shit” you whispered.

“hey steve. how’s it going?” bucky tried playing it cool. steve really shouldn’t be so mad. he chose someone else when you had feelings for him so.

“what’s going on in here? you going through the whole team?” you couldn’t believe what just came out of his mouth. at this moment you decide to channel your inner merideth grey.

“what did u just say to me?” shut was going down. other member of the team heard and were gathering in at this point.

“this is unforgivable. you going after my bestfriend.”

“i don’t remember asking you to forgive me.” this was getting real heated real quick.

“what? you gonna go to wilson now? or maybe stark i heard he sleeps around” a gasp eluded everyone.

“you don’t get to call me a whore. when i met you i thought i had found the person i was going to spend the rest of my life with. i was done. so all the boys and the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? because i was done. you didn’t love me. you chose natasha. i’m all glued back together now. i make no apologies for how i chose to repair what you broke. you don’t get to call me a whore” and with that you left. you left steve dumbfounded and embarrassed and standing there. you left the rest of the team shocked and surprised at your outburst. you’d never been that blunt before to anyone.

bucky follow you after you left.

“hey, you okay baby?” he was always so sweet to you.

“yea i’m okay. it feels good to get that off of my chest.” you laughed. it did actually feel like you got a weight lifted of your shoulders.

you finally felt happy. with bucky and with everything. so you were good.