#kozik x you

[bullet-prooflove]

Reverence - Herman Kozik x Reader (NSFW)

Tagging: @crazy4chickennuggets @kmc1989 @oureternalbond  @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @words-and-seeds @danzer8705 @crimeshowjunkie @yourwinchesterbros @mysoulisasunflower @vannabanana1995 @redpoodlern @theplacewhereallthedemonsgo @trublu2u @thanossexual @keyweegirlie @wakeama @adaydreamaway08 @multiflixshelves

Playing The Odds - Kozik plays the odds when it comes to asking you out

Night Terrors - Kozik learns why you can't sleep.

Hold My Girl - Kozik makes a detour whilst on a run.

Run Away - Kozik brings up running away together.

Bad Days - Kozik gets a call during a run that changes his day.

One Year - Kozik gets a tattoo to celebrate one year.

Family - Kozik learns what family really means to his chapter.

It has been a long time since Kozik has touched you like this, since he’s undressed you, taken you to bed. His large palms roam over your curves, thumbs ghosting over your nipples before his mouth follows suit. You moan as his tongue trails over the peak, your fingers tangling in his hair.

“I missed this.” He murmurs, directing his attention to your other breast. His fingertips trail along the scar, the one from the surgery that saved your life. “Missed touching my beautiful girl like this.”

You can tell he means it. The chemotherapy may have ravaged your body but when Herman Kozik looks at you, it’s with reverence. It makes you feel like you’re the most gorgeous girl in the world.

His teeth graze over your nipple and it sends a rush of ecstasy right through your veins that you haven’t felt since this whole nightmare started. His palm sweeps lower over the curve of your hip, his thumb hooking the waistband of your panties before he draws them down your thighs.

You’re wet for him already; he can feel the dampness on your underwear as he bundles them in his fist and throws them over his shoulder.

He’s teasing with his kisses, each one sending a thrill through your body as he explores lower. It’s different with you now, he gets that. You aren’t as secure as you once were but you’re still the girl he fell in love with, the one he’d give his life for any day of the week.

It’s been an age since he tasted you, since he’s been able to bury his face between your legs the way you like. He drinks in the sight of you, laid out amongst the sheets, skin flushed, so desperate, so needy and all for him.

His breath ghosts over your clit, the warmth of it setting your nerve endings ablaze. His tongue traces over you, circling that sensitive nub. You make the sweetest little sound, your fingers curling in his hair, gripping it as you arch up into him. He can’t get enough of you. His tongue dips lower, licking over your opening before he fucks you, nice and slow. You taste divine, like candied honey in his mouth. 

Your breath catches, and he knows that he has you right where he wants you. When you come, he moans into your pretty pussy because he loves giving you pleasure, and it’s been such a long time since you’ve received it. He leaves you wrecked amongst the sheets; kissing his way back up to your mouth. His body blankets yours, the heat rolling over your sensitive flesh as he brushes away the tears on your cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper with a shaky laugh. “It’s just feels so good after so long.”

“I know.” He says quietly as he looks into your eyes. “Trust me baby, I know.”

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[drabbles-mc]

Reminders

Herman Kozik x GN!Reader

Warnings: 18+, light angst if you squint but it's mostly fluff

With the help of This Prompt List by @creativepromptsforwriting and my trusty Wheel of Names with every character I’ve ever written for, I’m aiming to write a fic in 500 words or less every day of March. We’ll see how far we get!

Prompt: lake

Word Count: 200

A/N: I've missed this dude i can't lie 🥰

Kozik never talked to you much about his life back in Tacoma. You never pushed him about it, either, figuring there was a reason he kept most of it to himself. Whatever his life was back then, it had landed him in an MC, and it had also been a life that made him up and move to Charming.

You were helping him through the daunting task of unpacking his boxes into the new house. You’d stumbled across one that had photos in it, some framed, some not. One of them was clearly him as a child, standing on the dock at a lake holding up a fish in his hand.

He saw the smile on your face and walked over to see what it was you were looking at. When he saw the photo, he allowed himself a smile too. It wasn’t all bad, even if a good portion of it had been, but it was nice to have some reminders.

“You were so cute,” you said with a grin.

“Hey,” he pretended to offended, “I still am.”

You tilted your head back as you laughed before leaning over and kissing him lightly on the lips. “Yes you are.”

[ravennaortiz]

The guys reactions to accidently hurting you- SONS Version

Chibs- "You broke my toes" you stated as the nurse wheeled you out of x-ray. "All of them. Our wedding is tomorrow Filip you continued in a monotone voice. Chibs cringed as he took in what you were saying. "I'm sorry kitten. I only meant to surprise you with my dance moves....I should have taken my boots off" he apologized as he knelt next to you and kissed your hand.

Halfsack- He has apologized a half dozen times as he presses the bag of frozen peas to your left cheek. He had only wanted to show you some self defense techniques like you had asked. He had not expected you to step forward when he swung at you while he was explaining how to duck. The sound of his fist hitting your soft skin almost made him vomit as the scene replayed for him. "I took that hit well I think" you murmured as you wiped away the last remaining tears making him snort. "You did cry less than most of people I hit" he joked as he kissed your forehead.

Happy- "So sorry baby girl" murmured Happy as he fed you ice cream in bed. "Its okay. Was an accident" you replied as you offered him a sincere smile. Your tough biker had taken your injury harder than you. The ribbing from the rets of the club had not helped either. "Should have explained the kickback better. Hell should not have let you try that gun. No need. Just thought you looked hot with it in your hands" ranted Happy before you cut him off with a kiss.

Jax- The silence as you made your way slowly through the clubhouse is honestly loud. Rolling your eyes you see Jax sitting at the head of the table alone. "I am going to start therapy and anger management classes" he stated when he saw you leaning against the door frame. "Yeah, good call. I know you were going for Happy. Weak as tables fault for collapsing under all our weight" you tried to joke. "Good news nothing broken on me at least. Bad news you fucked my crow tattoo up"

Juice-What was suppose to be tipsy, sexy time turned into tipsy where is our medical supplies quickly. He is beside himself as he holds gauze to your ass cheek. Your attempts at humor were not helping the guilt train he had himself on. "Baby, I'm good its not even bleeding" you laugh as you try and turn over on his lap but he keeps you firmly face down. Sighing you stop trying to move. "Juice it was a belt buckle. Not like you stabbed me or meant to do it. Can we please get back to what we were doing?" you pleaded as he mumbled sorry again.

Kozik- Sitting by your bedside he is somber. He cant help but replay the crash over and over again. Trying to decide what he could have done different. What if he hadn't grabbed your arm? Would you have been fine or would you have sailed over the side of the cliff? Was he going to fast? Should he have expected the drunk driver to be coming at you guys around the blind curve? "I'm sorry" he murmurs again as he kisses your hand. The doctors said you will be fine but he's not sure if he will.

Opie- He is beside himself, after the loss of Donna he cant believe he has love. He cant even bring himself to get on the ambulance and his phone call to Jax has the whole club screeching to a stop in front your house. "I killed her" he sobs as Jax kneels next to him. "She asked me to buy a step stool and I was like I'm a step stool. Lifted her up and lost my grip and she hit her head. Before Jax can say anything a paramedic is hovering. "Sir, your wife is demanding you get in the ambulance. She said and I quote stop acting like a blubbering mess or she will give you a reason to act like this."

Ratboy-He cant believe how dumb he was. Has suggested you break up with him a couple times as he carries you down the mountain the two of you had been hiking. You can walk and are fine. Its bruised and scraped knees not broken bones you had told him. "I'm sorry for proposing to you" he blurts out once you guys are at the car. "I mean I love you and want you forever but like for how I did it" he adds as you glare up at him.

Tig- "Well we all learned something today. There is a reason you use certain candles for wax play. Don't go cheap or you end up in the ER" stated Tig with a chuckle as he helped you onto your bed. Careful not to brush the burns on your back and hips. A low growl and the middle finger is all you offered your old man. Tig swallowed hard and sighed. "One day we will look back on tonight and laugh" he tried again as he squeezed one of your butt cheeks playfully. "Go away" you demanded.

Return to Headcanon Masterlist

[roadtogracelandx45]

New York State of Mind |1| Suits x Sons crossover

I am so nervous about posting this after some reviews that I got about Ryder. But here we go;

crossposted on ao3 and wattpad.

Introduction 

Tacoma Washington 

For the first time in over 4 years Ryder Teller was able to travel for work without having a Sons' sitter go with her and she was thrilled, everywhere she went after she graduated law school and was in Tacoma, she had a Son with her. She went to Chino to see her brother or to see her sister-in-law and the kids, a Son went with her. She went into the office, a Son went with her.

A lot of the time it was Kozik or Happy but they were both unable to leave the state due to their parole status and Ryder was thankful for that, she needed to be a different Ryder, one that didn't bend to the will of her old man and as much as Jax wanted to override her going out there he couldn't, she had made a valid point, he was able to do what he wanted and could come and go as he pleased, but she couldn't? She had been faithful to him since they got together.

That double standard should never be around, but she lived in a very black-and-white man's world and what they said went and it was exhausting. She was exhausted and she just didn't know that until Jessica Pearce asked for her to come out and work with them.

"You know Jax is furious right?" Kozik commented from where he was sitting on the chair in front of Ryder's vanity, "That you are going, and you aren't listening to him." Ryder paused as she was folding up the shirt to put in her suitcase.

"I don't think that I should have to listen to him Koz, "She started, "I am not putting my career on hold again to appease him. If he and Clay want me to help the club out I have to make friends at other law firms in other states. What would happen if you guys went on the run and got in trouble? I have my law license in California, Washington, and New York. I can't do it anymore." She shoved her hands through her hair and fought back tears.

Kozik knew that she was right and that she had more hurt than joy since she became Jax's old lady. He remembered holding her as she cried her eyes out when she found that she had miscarried a baby when she first moved to Tacoma after Jax cheated on her again with Tara. This wasn't the Ryder that he knew when she was younger, this was a broken Ryder. A completely broken Ryder.

"Shouldn’t I be able to be happy to Koz? He is making himself happy.  I don't know if I can keep doing this every single time. " She pointed a trembling finger to the blackberry sitting on top of the folding clothes. It had gone off several times while they were talking and they both assumed that it was Jax trying to get into contact with her

 and talk her out of going to New York again. He had done everything short of showing up at the house and handcuffing himself to her. And being on probation he was unable to go with her to New York for the three months she had been loaned out to them. And it was driving him crazy.

"You are right." He started as he held up his hands not wanting to set her off. 

"I know I am god damn right Herman. I get that I was born into this lifestyle and it's a man's world. But I should never ever be subjected to live like this." She reached across the bed, yanking the phone off of her belongings, and pressed the green answer button, "WHAT do you want!" she snarled, causing the biker to lean back in his chair in surprise. In all the years that he had known the younger Winston sibling, she had never reacted like that before.

To anyone. 

Not even Tara Knowles who justifiably earned every single ounce of hatred that Ryder held towards her.  There was so much hate, so much bitterness. No amount of sweet-talking or promises on the Mother Charter's vice president's part was going to do anything to make her forgive him. 

And honestly, he didn't deserve it. It had finally happened. She had enough and was tired of being broken 

"Look, I am probably gonna catch hell for this but, Jax is coming up tonight after church to talk to you about staying." He started once she was off of the phone, the angry tears coming down her cheeks, "If I were you, I would get on an earlier flight."

Ryder abandoned all packing and picked up her phone and pressed a few buttons and put her phone to her ear. "Hey, Donna, It's Ryder Teller, is there a way you can get me on an earlier flight out? My brother told me not to come down today to see him and the sooner I get out of Washington the better." She was silent for several long minutes before speaking again, "Yes, I can be ready in 30 minutes to go." Donna Paulson, Harvey Specter's assistant, had already been told to get a private plane and driver set up for Ryder Teller. Jessica Pearson and her other partners wanted Ryder Teller to be a part of their firm.

"Thank you, Donna." She hung up the phone and looked at the blonde biker, "Thank you Koz, I know you aren't supposed to tell me stuff like this." He waved it away, "Finish packing what you absolutely need, and then go shopping for the rest when you get there." She wiped her cheek off again and started putting the rest of the clothes that she brought out of her closet into the suitcase.

"What are you going to tell Jax when he shows up?" She asked as Kozik carried her suitcase and carry on to the awaiting black car a while later. "Don't worry about it, Ry. I will handle it." He returned, "Just do stuff for yourself this time around, make yourself happy, that's

 all I can ask for."

"I can do that.' She returned, "Don't know what it looks like but I will find out." His mouth quirked into a smirk, he wanted to tell her to do what Jax did to her and sleep with someone else but he knew that Ryder wouldn't do it. But maybe she would surprise him. She always seemed to.

[midnight-serendipity]

Better than the Fantasy: Chapter Three

 Pairing: Jax Teller x Female OC (AU - Older Man, Younger Woman, College Girl, Secret Identity)

Rating M: (Sexual Content, Violence, Swearing, Mentions of Drugs, Mentions of Alcoholism, Mentions of Marital Issues)

Synopsis: Freshly exonerated and newly-minted president, Jax feels out of touch with everything around him, and somewhere amid the hullaballoos, he lands himself in an online site, enticed with the company of a masked stranger, who unknowingly had closer ties to the club than both of them could have ever guessed.

Word count: 7.7k

Chapter 3: Lace and String

Observant blue eyes rounded the table, taking in the set of somber faces surrounding it. Gone was the jubilant air that swirled around the clubhouse three nights ago. In its stead was a heavier, despondent mood. The club president didn’t need a mirror; he knew he reflected his brothers’ expressions. He sighed, just before his blues passed a not-so-new addition to the table. There, sandwiched between Happy and Juice, and looking a helluva lot like he’s just brought home the gold was Kip. Yeah, Jax heard he got patched while some of them were in Stockton.

That’s some good news for a change. 

He didn’t know how many church meetings the kid had already been to. Judging by the all-too-pleased smile that certainly looked out of place, Jax guessed not much. Stifling a laugh, he moved on with his scrutiny.

Despite the Antarctic treatment from his girlfriend, Jax slept like a baby Friday night. Thanks to Gemma’s pep talk. Feeling like they were all in need of a much-deserved rest, the prez decided to push church further. Not that he reaped any wins from his own good deed. With Tara very much hung-up on her ice throne the whole weekend, Jax decided to shift his sights back to the club. With each new day, the gears of his brain drove themselves to exhaustion as he struggled to weave the threads of his thoughts into something bigger – clearer. And as each day ended, it took with it a little of the bravado he earned Friday night. So much that when he woke up this morning, that air of confidence swirling within his veins was flatter than a popped balloon.

Fuckin’ hell. What do I bring to the table?

And that was when his hopes started spiraling downhill. Down to the cold tiles of his bathroom. Because what kind of president held his very first church with no agenda?

Jax Fuckin’ Teller it seemed.

Although it wasn’t because he didn’t know what he wanted for the club – that was actually the easiest, simplest part. Going back two years ago, it was still clear as day how he had first brought in talks about the club getting out of guns. Not everyone was swayed with the notion. But their then-VP was confident that eventually, he could get the whole table to his side.

That, however, was before the whole of Charming PD swarmed into their clubhouse like bees to honey and had the half of them cuffed. Now, still reeling with the aftermath, Jax was clueless as a newborn bub. Not only did his plans crash and burn to the ground faster than a Boeing gone defunct, but all avenues in his pocket were already as outdated as Unser.

Then, there was the Cartel and he knew a simple sorry ese wasn’t going to cut it with them.

But even if he didn’t know where to begin this time around and even if his ideas kept going in circles, he owed it to everyone in this room to try. Again, his eyes surveyed the room, this time meeting each of his brothers’ gazes. One by one they tipped their chins in silence. In trust. In blind faith.

And that was the fuel to his fire.

He let out an exhale and straightened in his chair, placing his palms on the table. “First thing I wanna say is congratulations to our brother Half-Sack for gettin’ the patch.”

The entire room erupted in cheers. Tig, Chibs, Kozik, Happy and Juice drummed their right hands on the table, while Bobby just reached over and clapped Kip on the back.

“You’re lucky I wasn’t here, you sorry sack o’shit. I woulda voted no.”

Opie’s shoulders shook as he chuckled, while Jax shook his head in amusement at Tig’s declaration. Ever the sport, Kip just waved him off with his hand.

“A’ight, calm down you animals.” Jax called out. “Now each of us here are all aware of what happened the past two years. We’ve all taken hits, all because of the man who used to sit in this chair.”

And just like that the momentary uplift was sucked out of the room. Inevitably, Jax’s gaze was drawn straight forward. He watched as a dark look shadowed Piney’s face and gave him a nod. Everyone knew he and Gemma swallowed the most bitter pill than the rest of them.

“But I want to thank you all, especially – Opie, Chibs, Happy, Piney and Kozik, for lookin’ after the club.” Another round of cheers echoed. “Before some of us went to Stockton, I told the club we should move outta guns. I still feel the same way and after everything that’s happened, I know this is the best time for SAMCRO to finally act on it. The money is great. But givin’ it a closer look, we barely earn anythin’ and with the cartel loomin’, the threat to us is greater than ever. I want us out of guns and if it was up to me SAMCRO woulda been out of it way before.” He paused, meeting each and every single pair of orbs. He caught Bobby’s smirk of smug approval, Piney’s tip of head and the proud tilt of Opie’s mouth.

“But I am not and will never be Clay. Even if I feel this is what’s best for the club, I will never take your right to vote. If you ask me right now how I’m planning to do that, I’m gonna be honest with ya – I don’t have a fucking clue yet. But just because nuthin’s set in stone yet doesn’t mean it’s not gonna happen. Because I really believe we can move past that. But only…only if you all want that as well.” Jax paused just to let all of that sink in. Seeing some gestures that he was sure were sloping towards the affirmative, he took a little breath then went on.

“We can vote on that later on. Now for the cartel,” Jax shifted, right elbow on the arm of his chair and tipped his chin to the left before resting it on his thumb and forefinger. “Bring us up to speed, VP.”

After taking a drag from his stick, Opie motioned for the lone ashtray from his father who was nearest to it and snuffed the light out. “With half of SAMCRO in Stockton, we were forced to honor the cartel’s demands and hauled their cargo. We always made sure we were in twos. Safer that way. None of us liked it, but –”

“Best way to keep the blood out of Charming.”

Opie nodded an agreement to Bobby.

“With only four of us to mule, they okay’d to just half of what Clay had agreed to.”

“How gracious of ‘em,” Tig muttered sarcastically, drawing grins and chuckles of the same nature from ‘round the table.

“But none us ‘ere privy to that agreement.” Chibs aired what was floating on everyone’s mind.

“Oh, they know that brother, they just don’t give a shit.” Opie huffed.

“Because that’s the point, son. None of us are supposed to know.” Piney pointed out.

“Yeah, we know, Pop.” Opie shifted, turning his attention to the head of the table. “Torres ‘n Parada came by last week, knew you were gettin’ out.

Lighting up his own cigarette, Jax stiffened and his brows furrowed. This was news to him. He puffed, letting the smoke billow out of his mouth. “TM?”

It was Happy who answered. “Cara Cara.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah. Spooked Lyla and the girls.” Opie shook his head. Displeasure was evident on his face as he recalled witnessing a smug Parada with an arm around his uncomfortable old lady.

“What they say?”

“They wanna talk to you, go back to the original arrangements.”

“They know this is just a temporary thing for us.” Bobby retorted with a slanted brow.

“That’s why they want to speak with the prez, convince him of a more permanent setting.” Opie answered.

“’S not gonna happen.” Jax spoke with finality and an air of authority that could only come from the holder of the gavel. An action that didn’t go unnoticed by the oldest member of the club. Piney smirked in approval.

Jax rubbed his free hand down his face and took a long pull from his stick. His eyes landed at the middle of their table. They remained silent, giving him a needed moment to gather his thoughts. Then with another breath, he focused on his best friend.

“They finally say who helped Clay mule? The load they want, ain’t no way Clay was movin’ alone.”

“Nah.”

“Our guess is Cacuzza. He’s always wanted to venture on narcotics,” Chibs piped in.

“He answered any of our calls?” At the shake of heads, Jax felt a crippling hit. But he shook the tendrils of disappointment that started to weave in his chest. He needed to unravel the truth first before drawing up conclusions. “How ‘bout the Mayans? Heard anythin’ ‘bout them?”

“They’re in Lodi mostly. They’re wantin’ to branch out.”

Jax released a breath of smoke. “Still? So they haven’t yet?”

Opie smirked. “Darby bailed.”

“Alvarez is damn pissed.” Kozik chuckled, contagious to most of them.

Brows deeply furrowed, Jax shifted in his chair, surprised by this turn of events. Around two months ago, word through the grapevine was Darby had partnered with the Mayans. It stirred things up and caused quite the unrest, particularly with the Chinese and the Niners.

In his mind, this latest move didn’t make sense. Even before his latest imprisonment, he recalled how keen Darby was to associate himself with someone or someones who had quite the pull and weight on the streets. Particularly any that could match SAMCRO in either brains or brawn. The way Darby saw it, this was the guaranteed opening for his inky tentacles to coil inside Charming. This reasoning was what led Jax to anticipate the Mayans with no mistake.

So why the hell would Darby turn? Unless…

“Lemme guess, the supplier Darby was supposed to hook ‘em up with was a flake.”

“Aye.”

Jax tilted his head to his SAA. In the dimly lit room, Jax’s eyes glinted and even if he tried, he couldn’t refrain from smirking. A silver lining, if anything. “Good thing we know of a reliable pipeline.”

Chibs stiffened beside him. “Jackie, d’you think that’s a good idea? Mayans have beef with us –”

“Alvarez and Clay had beef. Not the Sons and the Mayans. I think it’s time we reach out to Alvarez, let him know there’s a new regime now.”

“D’you think they’ll meet with us?” Juice asked.

Jax breathed another drag from his stick. “We could always ask Nero to set up the meet.”

“And if he doesn’t agree?”

By the smirk on Tig’s lips, Jax could tell he already knew the answer to his own question. “Then we rope in Gemma.”

“Good luck sayin’ no to the artillery.” Another round of chuckles filled the room at Opie’s statement.

“We could get a feel on where the Mayans land on all these first, then we make the call to the Kings.” Collective nods were directed his way.

“Now before we get to the vote. I need you all to understand, if we do decide to move away from guns, we’re sayin’ goodbye to the club’s bread n’ butter for the past decades and our finances will probably hurt from that. I need you to take that in before we vote. But first, speakin’ of finances, heard our resident weirdo wants to share sumthin’ with the club.” Jax tipped his chin to Kip. Kip stood up and stepped out without question, he was after all, the first one Chucky approached.

Tig rubbed a hand down his face. “Maybe he’s goin’ to tell us he’s part leprechaun.”

Opie brought it to his ear – Chucky wanted to speak to the Club about finances, when he was asked about it however, he said he wanted to wait for the prez and the rest of the club. Jax admittedly had a slew of names reserved for Chucky. But Jax did admire him for his respect for him and the club. The door swung open again, as Kip swept in, followed by Chucky, each of them hauling massive duffle bags.

Jax killed his smoke and looked around. He was met with equally stunned faces. 

Opie stood up, towering over everyone. “What the hell – ”

Zip.

“There are still two bags in my dorm. But each has fifty grand in them, so that’s two hundred in all.”

They were all on their feet even before Chucky finished his explanation. All of them staring at the open bag, with wide disbelieving eyes. Because just as he said, the bag was overflowing with stacks of hundred-dollar bills.

“Jesus, all real,” Bobby passed the wad of cash he fished and inspected. Jax took it with no hesitation and examined it the way Bobby had, Chibs and Tig both curiously looking over his shoulders.

“Yes, it is,” Jax confirmed, awed, passing it to Ope.

“I think you’re wrong, Tig. Chucky’s not part leprechaun. He is THE leprechaun you sonuvabitch! C’mere!” Kozik exclaimed, pulling Chucky into a one-armed hug.

“Hey! Don’t maul him yet. We’re gonna need some answers first.” Jax called out. Kozik immediately let go of Chucky.

“A’ight,” palms on the table, Jax leaned in and eyed Chucky, looking every bit the investigator. “As pleased as I am with cash suddenly sproutin’ in the clubhouse, I need to know where this,” he tilted his head, “came from. And no, I am not buyin’ the leprechaun shit.”

Chucky very visibly gulped and Jax hoped it’s only because of him and the three Reaper kuttes standing closest to their president while they all stared him down, and not because of something else.

“Well, you remember the night Clay left?”

Unintentionally, Jax’s nostrils flared. Of course, he remembered. That was the night leading to the day of their arrest. The night Clay almost, almost got Gemma killed with his bare hands.

“Of course,” Jax replied with venom in his voice. He didn’t mean to. But he understood perfectly why Chucky recoiled a bit at that.

“Hey, don’t worry,” Juice suddenly materialized beside Chucky and drew an arm around him. “We won’t beat you up unless we have to,” Juice grinned.

“That’s…reassuring.”

“What about that night Chucky?” Opie stepped in. He knew he needed to take the reins. Leaving it to Jax might send Chucky straight to a coronary before they could get anything sensible out of him.

“I was in Gemma’s office, finishing an errand for her. I just shut the lights off when I saw her SUV coming back. I assumed it was her, but when I saw Clay got out, I hid. Something didn’t feel right. He went to the garage, came back out with two bags and went inside again for the other two. He just finished loading everything when Gemma arrived.”

Jax straightened up, arms crossed and teeth clenched. He knew what part was coming. He’s heard it many times. Didn’t make it any easier.

They were all supposed to be out for a gun delivery. Clay, claiming his hands made it difficult to ride, said he couldn’t make the four-hour travel. No alarm bells were triggered as he stayed back, they knew his hands had been acting up as of late and Jax easily stepped in as acting president. The cortisone was barely doing anything anymore – at least that was what he said. Unknown to them, he set out for a meet of his own. Borrowed Gemma’s SUV, on the ruse of dropping by Unser’s office.

It took them a couple of days after that to get the truth ironed out. But Gemma was ahead of them. Although her theory was off some points, still she figured out something was amiss before anyone else did. Turned out, he had been borrowing her vehicles quite some time already and her assumption was a mistress. She placed a tracker in all her wheels, and that night, Gemma thought was the perfect timing to confront him, with the sons out and Piney helping Lyla watch over the kids – no blood will be shed.

“They were busy fighting and the trunk was still open, so I took a peek in the bags. With all of you away, I knew it wasn’t club business. And when I found out it was real money, I moved fast, grabbed them and emptied them in the garage.”

“And Clay didn’t notice that the load was much lighter?” Piney asked, unconvinced.

“He didn’t check it again. And…it actually might have been a little heavier. I replaced it with some tools and bike parts –”

“The missing supplies!” Kip exclaimed.

Jax pictured it. He remembered Sack going on about some supplies TM ordered a week prior to that, that had suddenly vanished into thin air. But with Gemma unconscious in the hospital bed and Clay suspiciously MIA – that had been the least of his worries, even more so when David Hale dropped by with his minions, a warrant on hand.

“And Clay never saw you?” Opie pushed, still quite unsold on the idea.

“Well, he was,” his eyes darted to Jax quickly then back to Opie, “busy.”

Jax snarled, making Chucky flinch. “You mean to tell me, that not only did you have this cash lyin’ ‘round for two years, but you also let Clay pound my mom’s face as distraction?”

“Look, Jax, what was I supposed to do? I can’t throw a punch like you guys. If I interfered, I would have been worse off than Gemma. I just thought I could retaliate in a more effective way. Y’know absolute advantage.”

Put like that, Jax did see from his perspective. While not stock thin as Rat, Clay would have definitely snapped him like a toothpick. Besides, what best way to hurt Clay the most than to take what he worked hard for, right under his very nose. He just wished he witnessed Clay’s face when the rug under his feet was pulled.

“Does make sense,” Bobby echoed Jax’s thoughts, then added, “but why are you only telling us now?”

“I did want to tell the club the next day. But – ” Chucky tipped his head side-to-side, reminding Jax of an upside-down pendulum.

“Yeah we get it – ” Jax replied

Chucky nodded, “Then when you guys got framed, I guessed that was cartel money. So, I hid it and decided to show it at a safer time.

“Where yeh hide it?”

“Ah, I may have asked Unser to hold on to it. Said it was a Club favor.”

Again, Jax’s eyebrows jumped. There were whistles – Juice, Opie and Chibs, while Tig slowly shook his head in time with his hands clapping. Chucky smiled and gave out a breath of relief. He knew he was off the hook.

“Chucky, you are turnin’ me on right now.”

This time, it was Chucky’s eyebrows that went through the roof. “I don’t accept that.” He said with a shake of his head.

“Oi, don’t scare ‘im off.”

“What?” Tig asked Chibs with his palms open. “It’s not like I’m not gonna use some lube and I’mma make sure he gets off too.”

Chucky cringed “I still don’t accept that”.

Tig opened his mouth but Jax cut him off easily, with a finger pointed his way. “Knock it off Tiggy. Go rub one out and stop traumatizin’ people.”

“As for you,” Jax went to Chucky and laid his hands on his shoulders. He tipped his chin, “Go tell my mom we’re givin’ you a raise.”

When her eyes crossed while going over one line of the purchase order she was currently reviewing, Gemma knew it was time to call it a day. She dropped the document on her desk, pursing her lips. Despite TM being open all days of the week, Gemma still found truth to Monday being the shittiest.

Gemma removed her glasses and massaged her eyes with the heel of her palms. Fuckin’ piece of shit lighting.

Well, totally her fault for putting it off. Definitely need to have it replaced. She stood up and stretched. Her back echoed with a series of cracks. And this shit of a chair too.

“Dammit is everythin’ here a piece of crap?” Gemma turned around, taking each item in inventory. It had been a while since she put in more than her usual work hours, and definitely more than a while since she observed every little thing in this room. Her musings were disrupted by a loud, unmistakable roar of a Harley Davidson speeding towards the garage. Curious, she turned and opened the door of the office.

The biker still had his back to her while he parked and killed the engine. But he didn’t need to turn around in order for Gemma to know who it was. The blonde streaks peeking underneath the helmet was more than enough of an indicator. Propping her hip against the doorframe, Gemma glanced at her watch.

7:09 PM

Luann was seriously late. But that wasn’t important. No. Right now, what’s essential for her was to figure out what her son was doing back at TM. Jax and the rest of SAMCRO parted ways for the day just around four o’clock this afternoon and with all of them still occupied with their personal shit, she knew his return wasn’t club related. Plus – Gemma’s eyes narrowed into slits – that backpack, that wasn’t there when he left, triggered the alarms in her head. When he finally unfastened his helmet and turned around, spotting her for the first time since his arrival, Jax very visibly groaned, strengthening her theory further. 

Well, glad to see you too shithead.

She tipped her head to the office and turned on her heel.

Jax had to do a double take of the lot. But no, he wasn’t going mental – Gemma’s SUV was indeed nowhere to be found. So why the hell was his mother still here?

Once again, Jax could only groan. After his row with Tara, he didn’t have enough energy to deal with the Russian Roulette incarnate. But he’ll be damned much more if he didn’t follow her. Stepping foot into the small confinement, Jax felt he was heading to his execution as he was met with Gemma leaning onto the table, her arms crossed, and face seemingly carved in stone.

“Where’s your truck?”

“I had Rat and Kip take it home. Luann’s gonna pick me up for dinner.” She tipped her chin, “my assistant manager came in here, sayin’ we’re givin’ him a raise.”

“Yeah,” Jax answered, “fifteen percent seems fair. We can cut five each from TM, Diosa and Cara Cara. Whaddaya think?”

“He’s employed by TM only. He just likes to loiter.” Gemma pointed out.

“So? C’mon, Ma, work your magic. I’m sure it’s just like launderin’,” Jax asked, irritated.

Gemma sighed. Before he pitched the idea to the table, she was the first one he told that he wanted the club out of guns. It made sense. But with this kind of thinking, Gemma wondered how fast these dickheads would make a legit business go belly-up. It seemed she needed to sit them all down for a talk of some sort.

Businesses tend to do that shit.

Jax nodded dropping his pack on the ratty couch. He felt his mom’s eyes on him as he sat down. He propped his elbows on his knees, hands clasping together as he looked up and met Gemma’s stare. She raised an eyebrow.

“Are you gonna tell me, or are you gonna make me ask?”

Jax rubbed his hands over his face then sighed, resuming his previous position. This was the part of the conversation he knew he won’t be able to tiptoe his way around. “Just need to put some distance between me and Tara.”

Gemma huffed, raising both her hands in disbelief, before landing on her hips. She straightened, stepping away from the table, she strutted towards him and left only a few inches in between, forcing Jax to lean back and raise his head.

“Look, Ma, s’not a big deal.”

And maybe those were the wrong words to say as Gemma’s eyes sharpened, and if there was truth to the phrase if looks could kill, they’ll be holding his funeral tomorrow.

“Not a big deal my ass, Jackson!” Gemma exclaimed, completely rebutting his attempts at defusing. “Before you went inside, I watched this happen almost every day. That was two years ago. Are you tellin’ me that’s how it’s gonna be again? –”

“ – ”

“ – ‘Coz if you think that’s in any way normal, I’m tellin’ you it’s not, and it ain’t acceptable either. You haven’t even been back for a week!” Gemma finished in one breath, ignoring his mouth that slid open during her tirade.

“You done? Can I say somethin’?” Jax demanded more than asked, not bothering to mask his annoyance.

It was times like this that had him wondering if his mom was truly one and the same person, because he was having one helluva difficult time believing this tyrant was also the same person who comforted him in the rooftop just a few nights ago. It made him remember a way, way younger version of him asking if his mom’s ability to do a three-sixty in a drop of a hat was normal. The ear-pinch that followed convinced him to never ask that again – at least when she was in hearing range.

“Look, Ma, I know it’s not normal, alright? Why d’you think I choose to stay in my dorm?”

Gemma’s arms crossed, frosty gaze still focused on him. “You tell me, sweetheart. ‘Coz last I checked, I paid half of that house as a gift to you and not to Tara!”

“So what am I s’pposed to do?” Jax asked, arms wide open. “‘Coz I don’t think havin’ her sleep in the clubhouse is the right thing to do here.”

“Then have her check in at a hotel – Jesus Christ, why is this our problem?” Gemma threw her hands up looking way beyond exasperated.

“Because she’s still my girlfriend!” Jax bellowed.

Gemma stilled for a moment and raised an eyebrow. All of a sudden a smile that looked nothing short of triumphant slowly spread on her face, hands on her hips once more “Well, I don’t care sweetheart. In my book you pay for it, it’s yours. S’your right to stay in there and not hers.”

Jax sighed, running a hand through his hair. Gemma was only saying these because she never approved of Tara. If it was any other given day, she and Luann will be preaching how they should be treating their women with more respect. But whatever. The beginning of a throbbing in his temples was a telltale sign of an unforgiving headache if this dragged any longer. He had to switch gears.

He stood up, reaching for Gemma’s shoulders. “Look, Ma, I know you’re only lookin’ out for me, and I really appreciate it. But it’s not helpin’, so why don’t you just let me handle my shit with Tara, a’ight?”

The icy chill that resurfaced on her orbs made it known to him that he should have worded it out much carefully and differently. Shit.

“ – ”

“Knock knock, doll you ready to – Oh, hey Jax,” Luann’s smile dimmed as her eyes slid between the mother-son duo. “Is everythin’ alright? Sorry, am I –”

“Everything’s fine, sweetheart,” Gemma answered, smoothly stepping out of Jax’s hold, taking the time to put a smile on her face as she flipped her bangs with the tips of her fingers.

Jax could only follow her lead, mourning the lost chance of redeeming himself. He’ll try to find it later, preferably with no bystander. No undeserving soul needed to be within Gemma’s sights when on a warpath. He finally turned to Luann, taking her in.

She was wearing fitted jeans and tucked into it was a white – or maybe silver – button down made from a shimmery, silky material. The top few buttons undone. She had a blazer on top of it, and finished the look with a pair of ankle boots. He heard about it from his mom. Apparently, the porn director had been making a fuss about her wardrobe recently, saying she needed to upgrade – whatever the hell that meant – it now that Cara Cara was said to be rising up the ranks in the industry.

But if this was upgrading, Jax had to admit it was doing her wonders.

“Hey, Lu,” Jax motioned to the newcomer with his left hand. Luann took the invitation with gusto, fitting into his side easily as he wrapped an arm around her.

“You look great,” Gemma said.

“Thanks,” Luann smiled.

“Amelia?”

Instantly Luann’s face brightened as she nodded. Jax frowned in curiosity, juggling his memory for an Amelia.

“Who’s Amelia?” he asked in surrender when he didn’t find any.

“Oh, she’s my niece. She’s good with clothes.” She explained with delight.

Jax removed his hold on Luann, crossing both arms on his chest instead as he took a step back, content to be a fly on the wall as the two women talked. With the way her eyes lit up as she proudly talked more about her niece helping with – again – the upgrading of her closet to an interested Gemma, Jax guessed this Amelia was something special to Luann.

“She’s got great taste,” Gemma hummed.

“That she does. Otto’s loving the recent changes with my outfits as well.”

“Oh right, you had your conjugal –”

Jax snorted, and maybe he should have held it in. Because in his opinion once a month was still too few a chance to get laid. Well, not that he was getting much action aside from his own hand lately. But…

Best to leave that detail unannounced.

“What?” Luann asked puzzled.

Jax shook his head. “That’s why you look fresh. You got fertilized.”

Luann’s eyes rounded. “Oh, you are such a prick,” she threw a punch out. But Jax was already anticipating it, moving on reflex he just easily sidestepped and moved out of harm’s way.

“Tell me about it. He seems to be havin’ a field day.” Gemma sassed.

“Oh, c’mon Ma –”

“Hey, Gemma –”

Jesus, was this let’s interrupt Jax day? 

They all looked to the direction of the voice, finding Chucky peeking from the door leading to the garage.

“Yeah?”

“Sorry, I know we’re closed but it’s important,” he said, looking every bit as apologetic as he sounded. “Phone. Wilkins. Subaru.”

“Of course, he calls right now after I waited the whole day,” Gemma fell into step and moved to the side.

“Oh, you can transfer it here Jax and I will just –”

“Nah, it’s okay. You two just keep chattin’ I’ll take it here”

Luann turned around after Gemma disappeared. “What’s that about?”

“Nuthin’”

Luann looked at him pointedly. “Really?”

“Just you know, Gemma bein’ Gemma.”

“Hmm. How’re things at home?”

He should’ve known it was pointless to try to keep Luann at arm’s length. At certain times, the woman was just as bad as his mother when prying. Although a milder version. Thankfully.

“Tense.”

“I guess that’s what you were arguing about?”

“Yeah”

She drew an arm around him and rubbed his back. The same way his mother would. “What’s wrong sweetie?”

He shrugged. “I guess we’re just not seein’ eye to eye lately.”

Luann nodded in understanding. “Y’know, your mother doesn’t like being ignored.”

Jax snorted. “Tell me sumthin’ I don’t know.”

Luann just smiled again and shook her head. “Well, you better get ahead of that ‘coz I’m afraid that’s gonna bite you in the ass sooner than later. But what I’m sayin’ is, maybe your mom has been makin’ a point ‘bout you and Tara, but you haven’t been listening to her. I mean when was the last time you referred to Tara as your old lady?”

Jax stiffened, surprise evident on his features.

It was one of the things that often knocked on his conscience, and honestly still quite a mystery when in particular it happened. But every time he tried, the image of Lyla and Tara tending to a wounded Tig would flit in his mind. Tara with the eyes and hands of a surgeon, was methodical and precise in her approach. He remembered watching from the sides as she worked, impressed. After all if it weren’t for her skill and knowledge, they would’ve certainly needed to rush Tig to the ER. Lyla was her second pair of hands, working under her lead and supervision. She didn’t have the same expertise under her belt, but she certainly made up in instinct, and each of her movement didn’t escape Jax’s eyes – each smile, each word and each pass of her fingers coated with abundant care, grace and empathy.

He looked to Opie then, correctly predicting the proud look he had while observing his wife. Well shit, who wouldn’t be? Then his gaze drifted to his own girl. Maybe if Tara could learn to at least respect the life, she’ll be good enough to be an old lady too.

Immediately, the guilt was like a viper that slithered up his spine – swift and unrelenting.

The life they led was hard, and Jax was only on the cusp of sixteen when he discovered that while the Reaper kuttes took the frontline, much of the heavy lifting were quietly – and often unnoticed – supported by their women. Their unsung heroes. With that thought in mind, he knew it was unfair and unreasonable to ask Tara to fall in love with the kutte on the snap of a finger. But even so, that wasn’t the last time the comparisons between her and Lyla reared its ugly head. Yet he made sure he never shared it with anyone. Not even Opie and especially not Gemma – Oh shit.

Because she’s still my girlfriend.

Talk about a major slip up. To his mother most of all. Jax cringed, “You heard that?”

Luann’s brows pinched, drawing back a little. “Heard what?”

“A while ago, ain’t that what this is about?” Jax asked, now looking equally as lost as Luann.

Luann’s brows jumped to her forehead. “Oh – Christ, no. I didn’t hear anythin’ you and your mom were discussin’ a while ago. Believe me. But t’was easy to tell you two were buttin’ heads again. I guessed it’s ‘bout Tara so I just put my two cents in.” She said with a shrug.

If the open mouth was enough indication, Jax was clearly floored. So Luann took that as her cue to keep quiet, unknown to her the gesture was deeply appreciated. Because right that very moment, Jax felt as stupefied as he looked.

That his and Tara’s relationship status was an open book, was an understatement – and their readers were the whole of SAMCRO and everyone closely affiliated to it. If anyone asked, they could give a rundown of his relationship better than Jax ever could. Because what he was once so sure of, now felt like a thousand-piece puzzle, with some pieces missing. Yet in spite of this – all the noises, the questions and the doubts – he made sure to never share those and just keep them deep within his kutte.

So how, how was it that something he guarded so closely, escape him so casually, and without his knowledge?

“Oh hun,” Luann cooed, resuming the comforting rub she had on his back as she spotted the troubled look shadowing his face, “don’t beat yourself up over it. S’just my opinion and I certainly can’t speak for Tara, but maybe she’s –”

“PMSing.”

Before they knew it, Gemma was in front of them again, focused once more on the papers strewn on the top of her desk and completely oblivious to the disapproving scowl on Luann’s face and Jax’s head tilted to the side, frowning in curiosity. He’s pretty sure he’s heard that term somewhere before.

“What’s PMSing?”

Gemma’s hand froze before looking up. It was brief, but Luann saw it. And maybe Jax didn’t recognize it or maybe he wasn’t as much of an afficionado in decoding all things Gemma as she was. The comment was just offhanded – maybe even meant as a joke – but in just the flash of a second, she was confident a golden egg hatched in Gemma’s mind.

“It’s a condition common to women, comes out when we’re stressed and even hurtin’ over somethin’. You should talk to her ‘bout it. It’ll help.”

To his credit, Jax looked skeptical. But Luann could tell he knew he was in a catch 22. Because who in the club could ever classify as a decent source of PMS information?

“Right,” Jax gave a nod.

“Anyway, we’re ‘bout to head out. You want me to get you anythin’?” Gemma asked, picking up her purse and walked over to him and Luann.

“Nah. You two drive safe, alright?” Jax said, reaching out to give a kiss to his mom’s and Luann’s cheeks.

The two women walked to Luann’s car and just as the blonde, biker president was out of earshot, Luann rounded on Gemma.

“PMS really?”

“What?”

“You know what type of conversation usually occurs when you ask a raging girlfriend that. Besides I thought you agreed not to interfere in their relationship anymore.”

Gemma tsked, heading for the passenger side “’M not interferin’. I think it would do him some good actually. It’s time he learned somethin’ ‘bout the female body aside from fucking it.”

Luann shook her head, sighing as she trailed behind her shit stirring friend. Maybe there was a point to be made in that. But…

Oh well, can’t say I didn’t warn Jax.

When was the last time you referred to Tara as your old lady?

Jesus Christ! Jax sat up, running a hand down his face. 

Upon arriving at his dorm, he removed his kutte and laid down right away. But how the hell was he supposed to sleep when his mind refused to cooperate?

It didn’t help that his gut churned every single time Luann’s question resurfaced. Jax needed to sleep, otherwise he’d be a fucking zombie. He needed something to calm him down. Something mindless. A distraction.

He got up and walked out of his dorm, stalking towards their lone IT person. He was still perched on the barstool, just as he was when Jax saw him earlier.

“Hey, Juice.”

Juice looked away from the screen “Hey Jax, what’s up?”

Jax tipped his chin towards the laptop “You done soon?”

“Nah, Nero asked me to change some stuff on his site. Need sumthin’?”

“Can’t sleep thought I’d check Netflix.”

“Grab the one Chucky’s usin’. He’s still in the garage. Laptop’s in the kitchen.”

“Thanks,” Jax nodded.

“Everythin’ alright, bro?”

Jax was just about to turn around when Juice spoke. “Yeah, everything’s good.”

None of his brothers were stupid, and Juice was definitely no exception. Jax could see the doubt in his face. That he remained silent was appreciated by the club president. Juice just nodded so Jax went on to the kitchen, grabbed the laptop sitting idly on top of the table and went back to his dorm, keen to start with – hopefully – the peaceful part of his night. It didn’t take him long to fire up the beast as it was just in sleep, landing him straight to a paused video.

Curious, Jax hit play. Wonder what this weirdo’s into?

“Oh, Chucky!” A girl moaned.

Jax’s eyebrows jumped to his forehead. What the hell?

She was on a bed, only in her bra, the sheets giving a thin layer of privacy as it covered her from navel to toes. But no rocket science needed, her hand moving beneath the blanket was very straightforward.

“Jax!”

Jax turned to his door, a panting Chucky obviously in a hurry to reach him.

Jax stood up, running a hand down his face. “You let anyone see your girlfriend like this?” He scowled. Jax knew he didn’t have much leg to stand on here. It wasn’t like he was gunning for boyfriend of the year award but having your girl as a free-for-all was just a different kind of low.

“Oh, Sophie’s not my girl. I’m just a fan – subscriber.”

Having paced away from the direction of his bed, Jax paused mid-step and turned. “What?”

Chucky, collecting the laptop, halted and grinned “OnlyFans. C’mon I’ll show you.”

He seriously had no idea how he got strong-armed into this. All he wanted was a movie. And at one point, everything coming out of Chucky’s mouth was pure gibberish as he schooled him into this OnlyFans thing. His ears only perked up when Chucky started listing down the costs.

“I really think you should try it. C’mon what do you have to lose?”

His brows went to his hairline. “What do I have to lose? Whaddaya think, jackass? My money.”

Immediately Chucky recoiled like a puppy kicked in the gut. Jax’s guilt from earlier resurfaced tenfold, because really? Was this how he was gonna treat the man who went out on a limb for the club?

He sighed and waved a hand. “’M sorry Chucky, it’s just been a long ass day. And I think you’re right, I do need to try this.”

Chucky’s smile returned, megawatt. Jax hoped he wasn’t going to regret this.

“Alright, so first we need to set you up with an account. What username do you want?” Chucky tipped his head. “You can get creative, people often tend to be discreet.”

Well, I wonder why. He could only guess how it would go if Tara found out about this. Tara. Is this alright? Joining this site?

No matter the circumstances, they were still together, and Jax may admittedly have a colorful background, but cheater was one thing he didn’t want to add to that list. He rubbed a hand down his face.

“And if you’re worried about Tara, you can just stay away from the sex workers.”

Jax’s head swiveled to his left, a slow grin spreading on his face. The insightful bastard. “Yeah? So what kind d’you suggest I subscribe to?”

Chucky shrugged. “Influencers, bakers, whatever.”

In other words, things that Jax gave zero fucks about. Yeah, if this was ever unearthed, he could use those as excuses until he was blue in the face. Thing is, he wouldn’t fool even himself into believing it.

Jax almost groaned at the expectant look on Chucky’s face.

“How ‘bout you what’s your username?” He asked, stirring himself away from thoughts of his own grave. He could just give it three days then get outta there.

“Chucky,” Chucky answered.

Again, his eyebrows jumped. There was no telling if Chucky was kidding. Idiot only ever has one expression. “That’s you bein’ discreet?”

“Well, how many Chucky’s you know?”

“Fair enough. But ain’t no way I’m usin’ my own name.”

“Fair enough,” Chucky parroted, drawing an amused chuckle from the SAMCRO president. “How about Mr. Mayhem?”

Jax’s smile slid off his face. “You do know what Mr. Mayhem stands for right?”

Chucky winced. “Sorry, I thought it’d be cool. How about Reaper?”

“Basically, the same thing.”

“Right, how about – I got it!” Chucky’s fingers swept all over the keys, confident he’d thought of something Jax would like. To Chucky’s credit, as he showed the screen to a curious Jax, the blonde biker just gave a nod, impressed.

“Heh, I like it.”

It seemed fairly easy a while ago. Now left to his own devices, Jax was lost navigating this labyrinth of a site. Each damn button looked the same. And what was up with that long ass terms and conditions?

Do people really read that shit?

Jax was just about to give up when a video slid on the top of his screen. Sumthin’ like new videos? New suggestions? Both? Jax tried to recall what Chucky called them. But whatever, his attention was now drawn to the thumbprint.

It was a woman, wearing a sexy piece of lingerie. She was suspended, mid-air, hanging only by a pole, and Jax had absolutely no clue how she got there or how she managed to stay there. It looked like she was sitting, gripping the metal rod only by her thighs.

Strong thighs, he couldn’t help but notice. Her back was to the camera, with one hand idly on her hip, while the other was on the back of her blonde head, hair thrown over her left shoulder. Her head was angled slightly to the side, eyes peeking over her right shoulder, and with a smile for an invitation. She had a mask on, all lace and string. If somebody asked him right at that moment how she looked, he’d say – like a secret you want to unravel.

Unable to tear his eyes off, he clicked it. The video zoomed to the four corners of his screen and Jax’s heart hammered in anticipation. The video was dimly lit, but not of poor quality. The outline of her lithe body was still very visible. This time, as she waited for her cue, she was stood at the floor, then the chords of a familiar song, the inspiration behind her moniker were struck. Not the original, but still a tasteful choice.

She started to move and when her pace and the tempo picked up, it was like she wasn’t even dancing. It looked like she was flowing. And flying and floating – from one movement to the other, as smooth as a breeze, drifting from the floor and all over the pole in the sexiest pair of strappy heels he’s ever seen – that he wondered if there was someone behind holding her by the strings.

The way she moved – hypnotic. Magnetic. Alluring.

So when the prompt for a subscription came up, halting the current video, it was a no-brainer.

“The demarcation between different levels within the fashion market is becoming ever complicated and –”

Buzz.

Drawing a small line on the sentence, Amelia paused and welcomed the much-needed break from her reading. She adjusted her glasses and tapped her phone to life.

Meet your new fan…

Her eyebrows lifted along with the corners of her mouth.

MrPresident. Heh, that’s cute.

A/N: And I’ve been hit with another delay. But here’s chapter three with Amelia and Jax finally (unknowingly) meeting. 

I did as much research as I could for OnlyFans. But I’m not a creator nor a subscriber for the site. I tried to make it as authentic as possible, but if anyone reading this who has been on the site find anything inaccurate, I apologize and I hope it won’t be too much of a bother. 

To anyone who’s read and liked, thank you. Please leave a comment and/or reblog. 

If you want to be added to my taglist, let me know or click here.

Thank you to @lovebarefootblonde for beta-reading for me and for being an awesome friend! 😘 To anyone new to Tumblr and are looking for Jax Teller AUs, go check out her works! 

Taglist: @fullwattpadmusictree

[bookclub4m]

Episode 192 - Non-Fiction Graphic Novels & Comics

This episode we’re discussing the format of Non-Fiction Graphic Novels & Comics! We talk about what we even mean when we say “non-fiction,” comics vs. graphic novels, art vs. writing, memoirs vs. other stuff, and more. Plus: It’s been over 365 days since our last gorilla attack!

You can download the podcast directly, find it on Libsyn, or get it through Apple Podcasts or your favourite podcast delivery system.

In this episode

Anna Ferri | Meghan Whyte | Matthew Murray | Jam Edwards

Join our Discord Server!

Things We Read (or tried to…)

Moi aussi je voulais l'emporter by Julie Delporte

This Woman's Work by Julie Delporte, translated by Helge Dascher and Aleshia Jensen

Sông by Hài-Anh and Pauline Guitton

Kimiko Does Cancer by Kimiko Tobimatsu and Keet Geniza

Why I Adopted by Husband by Yuta Yagi

The Art and Life of Hilma af Klint by Ylva Hillström, translated by Karin Eklund

Go to Sleep (I Miss You): Cartoons from the Fog of New Parenthood by Lucy Knisley

Nuking Alaska: Notes of an Atomic Fugitive by Peter Dunlap-Shohl

My Brain is Different: Stories of ADHD and Other Developmental Disorders by Monzusu, translated by Ben Trethewey

The Comic Book Guide to Growing Food: Step-by-Step Vegetable Gardening for Everyone by Joseph Tychonievich and Liz Kozik

Other Media We Mentioned

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel

Fun Home (musical) (Wikipedia)

Maus by Art Spiegelman

Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi, translated by Mattias Ripa

Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands by Kate Beaton

Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud

The Essential Dykes To Watch Out For by Alison Bechdel

Displacement by Lucy Knisley

Pedro and Me: Friendship, Loss, and What I Learned and Judd Winick

Melody: Story of a Nude Dancer by Sylvie Rancourt, translated by Helge Dascher

Kid Gloves by Lucy Knisley

The Mental Load by Emma

The Secret to Superhuman Strength by Alison Bechdel

What Is Obscenity?: The Story of a Good for Nothing Artist and Her Pussy by Rokudenashiko

Homestar Runner

Button Pusher by Tyler Page

Last of the Sandwalkers by Jay Hosler

Clan Apis by Jay Hosler

Ping-pong by Zviane

Dumb: Living Without a Voice by Georgia Webber

When David Lost His Voice by Judith Vanistendael

Blankets by Craig Thompson

Smile by Raina Telegmeier

Dog Man by Dav Pilkey

Sensible Footwear: A Girl's Guide by Kate Charlesworth

Links, Articles, and Things

Harvey Pekar (Wikipedia)

Joe Sacco (Wikipedia)

Japanese adult adoption (Wikipedia)

In the name of the queer: Sailor Moon's LGBTQ legacy

The Spectre of Orientalism in Craig Thompson’s Habibi

Cultural Appropriation in Craig Thompson’s Graphic Novel Habibi

35 Non-fiction Graphic Novels by BIPOC Authors

Every month Book Club for Masochists: A Readers’ Advisory Podcasts chooses a genre at random and we read and discuss books from that genre. We also put together book lists for each episode/genre that feature works by BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, & People of Colour) authors. All of the lists can be found here.

This Place: 150 Years Retold

Zodiac: A Graphic Memoir by Ai Weiwei with Elettra Stamboulis & Gianluca Costantini

Nat Turner by Kyle Baker

The Talk by Darrin Bell

The Best We Could Do by Thi Bui

I’m a Wild Seed by Sharon Lee De la Cruz

Messy Roots: A Graphic Memoir of a Wuhanese American by Laura Gao

Stamped from the Beginning: A Graphic History of Racist Ideas in America by Joel Christian Gill and Ibram X. Kendi

Wake: The Hidden History of Women-Led Slave Revolts by Rebecca Hall and Hugo Martinez

The 500 Years of Resistance Comic Book by Gord Hill

Good Talk: A Memoir in Conversations by Mira Jacob

The American Dream? A Journey on Route 66 Discovering Dinosaur Statues, Muffler Man, and the Perfect Breakfast Burrito: a Graphic Memoir by Shing Yin Khor

Banned Book Club by Kim Hyun Sook, Ryan Estrada, and Ko Hyung-Ju

In Limbo by Deb J.J. Lee

This Country: Searching for Home in (Very) Rural America by Navied Mahdavian

Mexikid: A Graphic Memoir by Pedro Martín

Monstrous: A Transracial Adoption Story by Sarah Myer

Steady Rollin': Preacher Kid, Black Punk and Pedaling Papa by Fred Noland

Citizen 13660 by Mine Okubo

Your Black Friend and Other Strangers by Ben Passmore

Kwändǖr by Cole Pauls

Worm: A Cuban American Odyssey by Edel Rodriguez

Power Born of Dreams: My Story is Palestine by Mohammad Sabaaneh

A First Time for Everything by Dan Santat

Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood by Marjane Satrapi

Grandmothers, Our Grandmothers: Remembering the "Comfort Women" of World War II by Han Seong-Won

Death Threat by Vivek Shraya and Ness Lee

Palimpsest: Documents From A Korean Adoption by Lisa Wool-Rim Sjöblom

Big Black: Stand at Attica by Frank "Big Black" Smith, Jared Reinmuth, and Améziane

Victory. Stand!: Raising My Fist for Justice by Tommie Smith, Dawud Anyabwile, and Derrick Barnes

The High Desert by James Spooner

They Called Us Enemy by George Takei, Justin Eisinger, Steven Scott, and Harmony Becker

Feelings by Manjit Thapp

The Black Panther Party: A Graphic Novel History by David F. Walker and Marcus Kwame Anderson

Now Let Me Fly: A Portrait of Eugene Bullard by Ronald Wimberly and Braham Revel

Bonus list: 21 Non-Fiction Manga

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[fictionalboyfriends]

Easy, Killer (NSFW) Happy X OC

Imagine being friends with a croweater and going to a club party with her. She points out that one of the members is eye-fucking you the entire night.

Words: 3,357

Rating: M for mature / NSFW (smut... like, a lot)

Pairing: Happy X Fem!OC (Morgan)

"Man, you are one lucky little bitch." Skylar remarked with a smirk and a swig of beer, chuckling when Morgan's head snapped in her direction as she adjusted her breasts. "What are you talking about?" She went to take a sip of her own beer as she turned her attention to her skirt, hiking it up farther and making Morgan roll her eyes internally at her.

She'd known her since middle school and shared an apartment together in Charming when college didn't work out for either of them. Of course, most of Skylar's nights she was at the Son's clubhouse; letting whatever horny puppy she found guide her into their room. If Morgan remembered correctly, the mutt's name was Kozik this month.

Back when Skylar first started becoming a croweater she had no idea what she was getting herself into, being involved with her. With Charming being such a small town, she'd of course heard of them through the sex-demonized-lenses of the locals. But it quickly became apparent that Morgan wouldn't be dragged into anything, so long as she kept her nose clean and her legs closed.

The whole thing didn't really bother her; so long as she was able to pay rent and financially support herself. Who cared if she had a hobby? She wasn't stupid; she always kept condoms on her, took birth control, and got checked for STD's and STI's constantly.

Skylar moved her eyes from Morgan, to the corner of the bar; signaling for her to glance over. With a tired sigh, she looked over, searching for what she had picked out so expertly in the crowd of people around them. Her eyes landed on the table full of bikers, her gaze stopping on a bald man with a toothpick between his teeth. He rolled it across his tongue as his eyes worked their way along her body shamelessly; stopping momentarily to appreciate the low neckline of the shirt she had borrowed from Skylar... rather, the shirt she had forced her to wear, specifically because it was two sizes too small and 'make your breasts look amazing'.

"That's one Daddy I haven't been able to bag." She smirked, impressed that he was even looking at her the way he was, given his history of staying away from most croweaters. Morgan sniggered, looking to the table as she felt her face warm up.

"Fix your top, let the girls out! If I can't get him, you sure as hell should try!" She encouraged, pushing her chest out in example and moving to do it herself when she didn't listen to her. "Okay, okay!" she chuckled, slapping her hands away from her breasts as she moved the neckline farther down, revealing the lace edging of the bra underneath.

She glanced over to him again, looking at him through her fake eyelashes as she arched her back slightly inward, feeling the shirt ride up her waist and settle just below her rib cage. His face was unchanging; his jaw set harshly as he rolled the toothpick again, his head moving to one side as his eyes pierced through her, slowly appreciating her adjustments.

"That hot piece of ass, is Happy." Sky informed with a lustful sigh, tilting her head slightly towards Morgan as she snorted, the name snapping her back to her friend.

"Happy?" She asked, turning to her with a smirk and stifling a chuckle. She cocked a brow to her, her lips curling before she continued. "Look, I don't ask any questions outside the realm of 'Where do you want me to bend over?' okay? Yes. His name is Happy. Happy Lowman." She snapped back in a stern tone, softening again as she said his name. Morgan chuckled at the name, not expecting something so lighthearted for someone like him.

"Of course, most of the people who knew him during his nomad days just refer to him as the 'Tacoma Killer'." She added with an unimportant wave of her hand, throwing back the last of her beer. Morgan stole a quick glance towards him, thinking that suited him more as she realized he hadn't moved an inch.

"I bet he's into some really kinky shit. I could totally picture him marking me and choking me while he pounds into me. Betcha he knows a thing or two about ropes and cuffs." She held her tongue between her teeth, looking over at him and laughing as her friend slapped her arm, not being able to hold in her laughter. "Oh my god. Sky, stop!" Morgan chuckled, her stomach going slightly warm as she felt the alcohol move right through her. Skylar looked to the corner of the bar again, this time grinning when she looked back at her.

"He still looking?" Morgan asked, not wanting to follow her line of sight, but feeling his gaze on her as she looked again. "Dude. He's practically fucking you right on this table with his eyes... You think he'll gag you?" She answered, humping the air and covering her mouth as she moaned exaggeratedly. Morgan slapped her arm in response, unable to answer her as she laughed and realized how quickly her three drinks had passed through her.

"Oh god... I need to take a piss... watch my beer." She chuckled, standing and heading towards the bathroom, weaving around the intertwined bodies in the bar, and trying to ignore the sex around her.

Morgan opened the door to go back to Skylar, throwing the paper towel into the garbage and not paying attention as she walked out, smacking straight into a wall... a wall... covered in... leather...?

"Shit, sorry. Wasn't paying attention." She apologized, recognizing the patches on the chest of his kutte, and glancing up to see which member she had tried walking through.

His dark eyes stared back down at her as his hand came to his lips to remove the toothpick. Her breath caught in her throat as she recognized him, his eyes tracing the curves of her body hungrily; like he was in the corner of the bar. He pushed the door behind her open, standing to the side to let her go. She was about to, when a thought crossed her mind.

W.W.S.D? : What would Skylar do?

Morgan took a step back into the bathroom, a mischievous smile playing with her lips as he cocked a brow. Her stomach set ablaze as she realized what she had initiated: public sex with a murderer. He took a step towards her. She took half a step back, minimizing the space between them as he closed the door behind him. The metallic click of the lock sent a tingling sensation through her as she wondered what her lust had dragged her into.

"Think you can do half as much as your eyes promise?" She teased uneasily, putting a shaky hand on her hip as he brought a hand to the opposite side of her waist. Her hands moved to his chest as he closed the gap between them, his free hand delicately holding her chin with his thumb and index finger. He leaned in slowly, very close, until he was about to touch her lips.

"Only if you're willing, Mami."

Her neck stretched towards him, pressing her chest into his as her arms snaked around his neck. She was surprised at how gentle he was as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to him until she was pressed against him fully. He kissed her bottom lip, the bridge of his nose grazing hers as he lightly nibbled, one of his hands snaking under her shirt and tracing circles into her stomach.

She gasped lightly as one of his hands squeezed her ass, pushing her hips into his. He took the opportunity to slide his tongue into her mouth, groaning softly into it as she moved against him again. He gripped her breast over the thin padding of her bra as he moved down her, his free arm scooping her up and pressing her back against the door as her legs wrapped around him. Her arms tightened around him as she let out a small yelp at his sudden action.

"Easy, Killer." She murmured without thinking, quickly shutting her mouth when she realized what she had said. Her face flushed, afraid of how he'd react. She heard a chuckle at her neck, his teeth lightly nipping at the sensitive area as he sucked on it, instantly relaxing her. His arm pulled her hips closer to his as he ground them into her, his other hand wedging under her bra to tease her breast. Her hand went to the back of his head as he bit her neck a little harder, growling softly as she gasped. She moaned as she tilted her head back into the door.

Apparently satisfied with her response, he trailed his tongue down her chest, his hand snaking out of her bra and moving to push her shirt up. He moved his hands to hook behind her knees as she took the fabric into her hands, pulling it over her head and throwing it behind him as he latched his mouth onto her again.

He held her tight against him as he moved her away from the door, placing her delicately onto the counter of the sink before allowing his hands to roam her body. His teeth tugged at the sensitive area on her throat as her hands trailed down his chest and slipped her fingers under his shirt, tracing the muscles on his lower stomach. He pushed on the small of her back, moving her closer to him and unhooking her bra with his free hand. His lips traced a line up her neck, stopping to ghost her jaw as he growled into her ear in approval when she stroked him through his jeans. His fingers quickly undid the button and zipper of her pants before he set his hands on the counter on either side of her thighs. Her bra slipped from her shoulders as she waited.

"Bend over." His voice was deep and gravely, sending shivers up her spine as his teeth raked roughly along her bottom lip. She slipped off the edge of the counter obediently without a word; their lips nearly touching, they were so close.

She turned slowly, resting her elbows on the counter and quickly glancing into the mirror in front of her. He looked down at her ass hungrily, his hands moving along it and hooking his fingers into the waistband of her jeans to pull them down. A hand went between her thighs, lightly pushing them apart as the other traveled up her torso.

He planted a kiss between her shoulders as he traced a soft line along the length of her panties, his other hand taking her breast and rolling the flesh. Her eyes fluttered shut at the sensation, a hum escaping her lips as his fingers pinched her nipple. The hand at her panties disappeared momentarily, and she was about to open her eyes to find where it had gone; when it slapped her ass, making an audible smack and leaving a sweet sting.

She let out a small yelp, making him chuckle as he slapped it again. This time he squeezed and held it for a moment before sliding his hand up her thigh. He kissed the back of her neck as he traced her slit over her panties, making her breathe a bit heavier now as he rested his chin on her shoulder, looking at her in the mirror. He pressed his hips against her as he turned to whisper in her ear, his fingers slipping under the thin fabric, and pushing into her folds.

"Nice an' wet for me already?" A deep, rumbly chuckle. "Good girl."

Morgan whimpered as he pulled her nipple harshly, his other hand moving one of its fingers to tease her entrance. A small gasp left her as he wiggled it inside her, his thumb lightly brushing her clit as she moaned. "Happy..." She breathed, closing her eyes as he moved it back and forth. He growled behind her.

"That's not what you call me, Mami..." He whispered huskily, suddenly curling his finger up and ripping a moan from her. She bit her lip as she opened her eyes again, looking at him in the mirror. He was still turned towards her, hunched over her as his teeth teased her right shoulder, his hips pressed against her left thigh.

"What do I call you?" She murmured, his thumb diving deeper into her to better stimulate her clit, forcing her eyes shut again as she sucked in a quick breath. She felt him smirk against her as he nuzzled into her neck. "You got it right the first time..." He glanced at her again, watching her reaction as he squeezed her breast and pushed in another finger. "Killer..!" She moaned as his fingers curled and wiggled, her head hanging and pulling close to her chest as she shuddered.

"Good girl..." He praised again, easing up and slowing his pace as he pumped his fingers inside her. She whimpered lightly as her breathing settled, shifting slightly to try and rub her ass against his crotch. She heared a deep chuckle close to her neck as his lips ran up it to whisper in her ear.

"You want this cock, baby girl?" He hummed, grinding it into her and letting her feel how hard he was. She hummed back before responding, looking at him in the mirror. "Please, Killer..." She gasped, moving against him again as he thrust his fingers into her harshly with a smirk.

"I can't hear you, girl." He teased as he gripped her breast, making her stand up and lean into his chest. One of her hands went to the back of his neck as his thumb circled her clit.

"I want your cock, Killer..! Please!" She moaned, her head tilting back and resting on his shoulder as he grinned at her reflection. Morgan's eyes closed as she whimpered at the loss of his hands, but they quickly shot open when she heard the ripping of fabric.

Her panties were in shreds by the time she looked behind her, the small pieces of them balled up into his hands. She leaned towards the sink now as he threw them to the ground, his hands going to his jeans as she shook her ass a little for him. He gave it a smack as his fly came down, a smirk spreading across his lips as she bit her bottom lip and shook it again, teasing him as he slipped a condom on. He gripped her hip with one hand, pushing her knees apart with one of his as he rubbed himself along her slit.

Her eyes fluttered as he pushed inside her, gripping the edges of the counter as she let out a breathy moan. She pushed him into her even more as she arched into him. He grunted above her as his hands gripped her a bit harder, reminding her who was in control as he thrust into her. Her head hung close to her chest as he pounded into her; his pace slow, but his thrusts powerful. It knocked the breath from her every time he slammed into her. She moaned as she rocked with him, wishing he would at the very least do something with one of his hands as her skin ached to be touched.

Her head jerked up as he gripped her throat, pulling her up and forcing her to straighten her back a little. He bent close to her, his pace quickening as his mouth went to her neck. "Killer..!" She groaned as he sucked and bit just below her ear, his grip on her throat tightening just enough to pull her attention to him. His hand at her hip moved up her stomach to grip her breast, rolling her nipple as he growled into her ear.

She shivered at his touch as she heard him groan, leaning his head on her shoulder as his thrusts grew erratic. His hand slid from her breast, and up to her mouth. She sucked on his fingers happily, moaning as he jerked back lightly on her throat before sliding his hand down her body. Her hips jerked as his fingers quickly found her clit, circling it quickly as he pounded his cock deeper into her. The hand at her throat left then, quickly appearing at her thigh as it held it up onto the counter, opening her legs farther and allowing him easy access to her sweet spot.

"Killer, I-" She groaned as she felt her thighs tighten, the heat in her stomach building as he bit harshly into her neck. He sucked lightly on the area before groaning back to her. "Come for me, baby girl."

He swore under his breath as she tightened around him, moaning loudly as her hips bucked in his hands. He buried his face into her neck as she cried his name, one of her hands shooting to the back of his head as he groaned into her. Her chest heaved as he thrust into her a few more times, going deep and slow as he did so, making her jerk and hold into him tighter every time.

"Good girl..." He breathed, chuckling tiredly as he rested his head against Morgan's, catching his breath as he slid out of her. He held her steady as he set her leg down, supporting her as her legs had gone weak. After allowing some time for the feeling to return to her legs, he zipped up his jeans and turned towards the door.

Morgan smiled to herself, closing her eyes and running a hand through her dark hair as she shook her head at her current situation. She jumped a little as she felt his hands at her ankles, not expecting him to still be there. She glanced down at him, wondering if he wasn't done with her and asking herself if she was ready for him if that were the case.

His eyes stayed on her panties in his hands as he helped her into what was left of them, pulling them up her thighs and lightly grazing his fingers back down them as he went to get her jeans from the other side of the room.

She picked up her bra as he turned the fabric right side out. She hopped up onto the sink counter, and looped her arms through her bra as he lined her legs up with her jeans.

"You're not what I expected, Killer." She commented light heartedly, smirking at him as she hooked her bra. His eyes quickly flicked up to her before focusing back to the fabric in his hands, a small smile on his lips as he pulled her jeans up. She slid off the counter so he could fully pull them onto her, her breath catching as he kissed her stomach lightly, setting a trail of soft kisses up between her breasts and along her throat as his fingers worked her zipper and button. She was nearly out of breath as his lips ghosted hers, one of her hands lightly touching his stomach as her neck stretched towards him. His hands rested on her hips as he placed the most delicate kiss she'd ever experienced against her lips.

"See ya around, Mami." He chuckled as she moved towards him before sticking his tongue in her mouth, his lips pushing against hers harshly before pulling back. He turned to smile at her before unlocking the bathroom door and slipping back out into the bar.

Skylar practically squealed with delight as she saw Morgan exit the same bathroom shortly after Happy. The only time she stopped begging her to tell her what happened was when Kozik approached her with a hungry smile.

She couldn't help but notice how Happy was still eye-fucking her from across the room; only this time he did it with a smirk on his lips, almost daring her to do the same.

[gatergirl79]

Saw this on @lemotmo blog and wanted to give it a go. Thank you for making this an open challenge! 

1-How many works do you have on ao3?

82 across multiple fandoms. 

2-What’s your total Ao3 word count?

Incredibly I’ve written 2,162,389 words (god knows how many I’ve written if I counted my old fanfiction dot net stories)

3-What fandoms do you write for?

The ones I have the most works for are…

Supernatural (Destiel, Sabriel, Moosley, Becky/Sam, Balthazar/Jo, Cas/Mick)

Teen Wolf (Sterek, Pydia and Chris/Peter)

Hawaii Five-0 (McDanno)

BBC Sherlock (Johnlock)

Kingsman (Hartwin)

Whitechapel (Jo/Emmerson)

Sons of Anarchy (Tig/Kozik)

Lewis (Lewis/Hathaway)

Torchwood/Doctor Who (Ten/Rose, Janto)

But I have written shorter fics for other fandoms: Cabin Pressure, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, You Me Her, Suits, Game of Thrones, Merlin, Neighbours

4-Top 5 fics by kudos?

Something More Than Human - Teen Wolf: Sterek [1,417]

Samhain: The Scent of Moonlight - Teen Wolf: Sterek [1,349]

What’s Best For Everyone, Isn’t What’s Easy - Teen Wolf: Sterek [807]

Oh, But That One Night - Hawaii Five-0: McDanno [800]

The Internship: Sterek Style - Teen Wolf: Sterek [760]

5-Do you respond to comments?

I try to. Even if it's just a thank you.

6-What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Honestly, I think it might be The Painter, which is kind of a dark gothic fic based on the Chris de Burgh song of the same name.

7-What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I can’t even begin to answer that as almost all my fics have happy endings, but I like the endings of 

Sherlock Holmes and the Mystery Ex [BBC Sherlock - Johnlock]

The Way Old Friends Do [Kingsman x Mamma Mia - Hartwin]

8-Do you get hate on your fics?

Uh... I get people complaining about my grammar and spelling, (not as much anymore thankfully) and I did have some write me angry about how I'd written Scott in a Teen Wolf fic,

9-Do you write smut?

Now I do. It took a while for me to get comfortable with it, but now…definitely. Though it is usually in the confines of a fluffy/angst fic

10-Craziest crossover?

I struggled to think of one at first, because my crossover aren’t that crazy, but then I remembered I wrote a fic while on holiday with my family that is…yeah, definitely the craziest one I’ve written. (and probably the worst too)

August: When You’re On The Beach You Steal The Show [BBC Sherlock x Butlins Skyline Gang. Johnlock]

11-Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. 

12-Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes 

At His Side [Supernatural - Becky/Sam]  in Italian

13-Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14-All time favorite ship?

I don't really have a single favourite ship, because each ship means something different to me. I mean, there's Garashir, who I was shipping before I even knew what shipping was. There's Destiel who introduced me to fandom and fanfiction. Johnlock had me exploring my sexuality and questioning what I thought I knew about myself. while simultaneously leaving me with show-runner trust issue. And Sterek is my comfort ship.

15-What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

God, I have so many WIPs that will likely never get finished. But one that frustrates me is a Marvey fic I have been writing and rewriting since season 3 that I know deep down will never see the light of day.

16-What are your writing strengths?

Honestly, I have no idea. You'd have to ask my readers. Uh....people have complimented my characterisation, so I guess that's a strength, and I think my dialogue is alright.

17-What are your writing weaknesses?

That one is easy, grammar and spelling. I shave always struggled since school where I had to have special help, but I guess either I wasn't paying attention or it just didn't take, because a lot of the grammar rules just aren't in my head. So I tend to get comments complaining about my grammar. Which can be annoying because all they say is its bad but don't tell me how. If I got it wrong the first time, what makes you think I can fix it.

18-Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Uh, I mean personally I'm fine with it - Unless its a whole paragraph of text. I just copy/paste it into google translate if need be. If its a fantasy language, then I'm screwed.

19-First fandom you wrote in?

Angel but it was on a floppy disk so is unlikely to ever see the light of day.

20-Favorite fic you’ve written?

I have two

You Belong to Me [Supernatural - Sabriel] Because I love to go back and read it.

The Way Old Friends Do [Kingsman x Mamma Mia- Hartwin] because I had so much fun writing it and really missed it when I was done.

Tagging: I'm not tagging anyone in particular. Anyone who sees this, feel free to do it for yourself. Tag me so that I can read it

[bullet-prooflove]

Hold My Girl: Herman Kozik x Reader

It’s on a run to Tuscon that Kozik breaks away from the group and diverts to a small neighbourhood on the outskirts of the Sonora. It’s a quiet street, too quaint for the likes of him with his leather kutte, and a bike that crashes through the tranquillity.

The house he pulls up in front of is one he knows well; you’ve changed the colour of the door. It’s a soothing sage instead of the vivid red it was before he left. It fits better with the white exterior of the small dwelling. The honeysuckle is still there on the right side of the doorframe, the scent fills him with a sense of home as he stands on the doorstep and raps his knuckles on the door. He had a key once, but he lost it somewhere back in Charming. He can hear music on the opposite side of the door, something low and acoustic, he knows it helps you to concentrate when you sit at the kitchen table working on lesson plans. 

The sound of it makes his heart ache because it reminds him of the things he’s missed since he’s been away. He remembers mornings in the kitchen, watching you over a sunshine yellow mug as you emerge from the bedroom in his t-shirt and nothing else. He remembers how the last time ended with him making love to you on the coffee table, his hands in your hair as you kissed him. It’s moments like that that make him forget anything else. It’s just you and him, and nothing else exists.

When the door swings open it feels like he can’t breathe because you’re standing there and he’s forgotten how beautiful you actually are. His memories, the ones he’s carried for the past few months don’t do you justice. His gaze falls to the necklace that hangs around your throat, a tiny silver moon, it’s nothing really but it’s everything at the same time. He knows what it means, your still his, you still carry a part of him with you, the same way he does with that tattoo above his heart.

He opens his mouth to speak but you’re already in motion. He laughs as he wraps his arms around your form, clasping you close. It’s perfect, the way you fit against him, like the two of you were made for one another.

“I can’t stay long,” he whispers into your hair. “I just wanted to come by and hold my girl.”

Love Kozik? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[drabbles-mc]

Untouchable

Herman Kozik x OC Tawnie Trager

For @narcosfandomdiscord Book of Just Chaos: untouchable

Warnings: 18+, language, violence, blood/injury, hurt/comfort, takes place during s2

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: this pair of crazy kids is BACK! i haven't written for them in so long and I've honestly missed them so so much. this is a switch-up from the usual fun vibes that i usually write for these two, and i lowkey wanna write another part for this, but i'm not gonna make promises i can't keep lmao. hope y'all enjoy!

Tawnie had always been a bit of a magnet for trouble. Whether she was out there actively looking for it or not, it always seemed to find her regardless. She never seemed bothered by it—all part of being a Trager, was what she would always chalk it up to. There was no way that someone could be raised and live under the same roof as Tig and not have a habit of landing themselves in hot water.

For years, she was ducking in and out of scrapes. When she was a teenager, just being young and reckless with her friends, the fallout of it was always manageable. But she wasn’t a teenager anymore, and the stakes these days were much higher than they’d ever been. Getting mixed up in the wrong things now no longer just meant that someone would have to post bail and get stared down by Deputy Hale.

In Tawnie’s defense, she hadn’t been the one who started it this time. All she had been trying to do was go to the liquor store and grab a few bottles of things to bring to the clubhouse for the party later. It should’ve been a trip that took all of five minutes, maybe closer to ten if she got distracted looking at all of the labels in some of the aisles. Regardless, it shouldn’t have been a situation that ended with anyone getting hurt.

The shop’s plastic shopping basket was hanging in the crook of her arm, a couple bottles of the vodka brand that she liked laying on the bottom of it. She understood why they bought the cheaper stuff for the clubhouse, because it wasn’t as though the guys ever paid attention or gave a shit anyway. That didn’t mean that she wanted to feel like she was drinking lighter fluid, though.

She was reaching to grab a whiskey bottle off the top shelf when she heard a man’s voice behind her. He wasn’t loud, and with the way that he’d said, “Hey,” she didn’t even think that he was talking to her.

When he said, “Hey,” again, she could tell that he was standing right behind her. “I was talking to you.”

Tawnie wrapped her fingers tightly around the neck of the whiskey bottle she had been trying to grab. Pulling it down off the shelf, it dangled by her side as she turned around to face whoever it was that was trying to talk to her.

She had turned around with her usual air of confidence, and it didn’t falter as much as maybe it should have when she had to crane her head back slightly to look up at who was speaking to her. Seemingly unperturbed, she cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t work here—I can’t help you.”

The man looked her up and down, and Tawnie wasn’t sure if he was sizing her up or trying to figure out what he was supposed to say to her at that point. Whatever his motives were, Tawnie had to assume that he wasn’t trying to figure out a pickup line to use on her.

“You’re Trager’s kid.”

Her grip tightened a little more on the bottle. Narrowing her eyes slightly, she replied, “Let’s say I am—who the fuck are you?”

She didn’t recognize him, and he wasn’t wearing a kutte or anything else that would place him with an MC. Him knowing the connection between her and Tig, however, was enough of a red flag for her to know that whatever this man wanted, it probably wasn’t really about her at all.

“Big talk for someone who doesn’t know who they’re talking to.”

“If I don’t know who you are, then I have no reason to talk small.”

Tawnie had spent enough of her life putting on acts depending on who she was in a room with, so keeping a look of indifference on her face while her heart was hammering inside her chest was nothing new. The man was larger than her, and she had to assume that his jacket pulling tightly in certain points along his shoulders and arms wasn’t because he purposely bought it a few sizes too small. But they were also still on SAMCRO turf, and they were standing in the middle of a liquor store, so she had a little faith that if nothing else, those two things would still work in her favor.

She didn’t turn her back on him as she went to side-step and get around him. Even so, she wasn’t able to get very far. The second that she wasn’t pinned between him and the rack of bottles behind her anymore, he reached out and snatched her by the arm closest to him, the one holding the basket.

He let out a low laugh as he shook his head. “Oh no,” he tugged her back towards him, “you’re not going any—”

Whatever line of threats he was planning on saying to her never made it past the base of his throat as she swung her other hand with everything that she had, the whiskey bottle colliding with the side of his head. She heard him grunt in pain, and she saw thew way that the bottle started to show some minor cracks along the side of it, but even so it didn’t force him to release the grip that he had on her arm. She felt the way that his fingertips dug into her even more, blunt nails starting to break the skin, and with a yell that was a little louder now, she swung the bottle at him again one more time.

This time when it hit the side of the man’s head, the bottle fully shattered. Glass shards went everywhere, the neck of the bottle breaking and slicing into Tawnie’s palm. Between the liquor and the broken glass pieces that were digging into the side of his head, the man released her with a string of curses. Without a single moment of hesitation, Tawnie dropped the basket to the floor and sprinted towards the front of the store. Before she even got to the end of the aisle, the owner who had been at the register appeared to try and see what was going on. He held his hands out like he was asking her to stop and talk to him, but rather than abiding by that, Tawnie shoved right past him, leaving blood from her palm smeared across his shirt in the process.

“Tawnie!” the shop owner called after her. His shouting didn’t even cause a falter in her steps. She sprinted out the front door, the bells chiming on it giving a strange air of whimsy to her departure of such a horrid scene.

She didn’t even feel herself digging her car keys out of her jeans pocket as she ran down the block to get to her car. Quickly unlocking the door, she flung herself inside the car. Jamming the key into the ignition, she tried not to think about the way that she was leaving bloodstains on everything that she was touching. She pressed her foot down hard on the gas pedal, speeding down the street.

The road took her right past the liquor store again, and she could see the store owner yelling at the man who had just tried to attack her. She didn’t take her foot off the gas, but she still tried to get another look at the mystery man’s face as she sped by, his facial features not streaked with whiskey and blood. He looked like he could’ve been anyone, no tattoos or scars to speak of. She went to tighten her grip on the steering wheel from nerves and was instantly greeted with a sharp jolt of pain across her palm that shot right up to her shoulder.

Eyes still on the road, she leaned and felt around on the passenger seat for the burner phone that the club had given her. She always felt a little idiotic having a second phone, especially when she communicated with several of the club members on her regular one, but times like this seemed like the perfect reason to use up some of the minutes that were on there.

Up until the point when she was about to hit the call button, she’d had every intention of calling her father. She knew that it was something that he needed to know about, and it was something that he would probably be the one who handled it in the end. But right before she hit the button with the tiny green phone etched into it, she stopped herself and started over again.

Picking the second person on speed dial instead, she pressed the phone to her ear. With each ring that she had to wait through, her hands trembled more and more. With her holding her hand up, the blood from her palm was starting to trickle down her wrist and the rest of her arm, and it felt like a burning sensation even though she knew that wasn’t what was happening to her.

Right when she thought she was about to burst into tears or steer her car clean off the street into a random storefront, she heard the click of someone answering on the other end of the line.

“Hey, T,” Kozik’s voice came in calm and smooth.

“H-hey,” the short word still managed to get stuck in her throat on the way out.

There was a pause, and when he spoke up again his tone had shifted. “What’s wrong? Where are you?”

“I’m on my way to your place. You’re home, right?” she felt the way that her bottom lip was starting to quiver and tried to ignore it, tried to keep the last few shreds of composure that were keeping her together.

There was rustling on the other end of the line as he said, “I will be in ten.”

The feeling in her chest was as close as she could get to relief in the given circumstances. “Okay.”

“I love you.” Even with all of the uncertainty surrounding whatever the situation was, there was no waver of questioning in his voice when he said that.

Tawnie let out a short breath, one that she had been holding without meaning to. “I love you too.”

She hung up without any more of a goodbye than that. Snapping the phone shut, it dropped into her lap as her hand began trembling violently. The adrenaline of the situation could only blind her for so long, and the ache of pain was getting worse as the minutes ticked by. This wasn’t the usual type of trouble that she had to call anyone about. This trouble, this danger, felt too real and far too close to home.

Any other day, she would’ve been worried about how Kozik managed to get there not even a minute after she did, his bike skidding to a stop in the driveway. He practically threw his helmet once he took it off. Before Tawnie could blink, he was on the driver’s side of the car and opening the door for her.

He was halfway through asking her if she was alright when he saw the blood all over her. His eyes popped open wide, and he was fighting the urge to just climb into the car with her to check her over. The sight of her like that raised a million questions that he desperately wanted immediate answers to, but he stopped himself.

“C’mon,” he said instead, leaning in to loop his arm underneath hers and across her back, “let’s get—”

She flinched away from his touch, not quite ready for the sensation of someone else touching her. It was impossible to miss the pained look on his face, but she didn’t have it in her to apologize. Even on her best days, sorry was not a word that came easy to her. Right now, though, an apology was the last thing that Kozik was looking to get from her.

He stepped to the side and allowed her to get out of the car on her own. “Let’s get inside.”

He walked behind her as they made their way up the short driveway that landed them just off to the side of his house. His neighbors had learned quickly that even if they wanted to be nosey, it was better for them if they weren’t. Still, he walked behind Tawnie and checked their surroundings, also looking to see if anyone had followed her to his house that he needed to worry about.

Reaching around her, he unlocked the front door and pushed it open for her. She silently walked inside, wishing that she felt a little more at ease now that she was with him and safe inside his house, but she couldn’t manage it. It was the first time in a long time that Kozik had ever seen her so quiet.

With her good hand tightly gripping the wrist of her injured one, Tawnie made her way through the house to the bathroom. Kozik followed her, wanting so badly to reach out and try to comfort her with a hand on her shoulder or the small of her back but knowing that it wouldn’t be any help to her in that moment.

She was about to crouch down to open the cabinets under the sink. “Is it—”

“Sit,” he said, motioning to the toilet that had the lid down. “I got it.”

Tawnie nodded, doing as he instructed. Kozik tried not to think about how tight her grip was on her own wrist, or the look that she currently had in her eyes that he didn’t know how to piece apart. He busied himself with turning the sink on so that the water could start to run warm while he got the first aid kit out. Grabbing a clean washcloth from the drawer, he got it damp with warm water and held it out to her in an offer, thinking that she might want to wipe off her arm and what she could of her hand herself if she didn’t want him touching him.

“Thanks,” she said, nearly mumbling as she started to scrub at the blood that was quickly drying on her skin.

He nodded and got into a kneeling position in front of her as he waited for her to finish. She tossed the bloody rag into the sink. She looked at her own hand for a moment, taking in the damage that was done in earnest for the first time since it’d happened.

“Fuck,” she said, her voice steadier and clearer than it had been before.

With the first aid kit open on the floor beside him, Kozik held his hand out in a wordless question to allow him to see what the damage was and what he could do to help. Tawnie hesitated until she looked him in the eyes and remembered where she was and who she was with. Then it came easy, offering her hand out to him to inspect. His touch was gentle despite the callouses on his palm and fingers.

“Jesus,” he said, trying to hide the reaction under his breath but failing.

Tawnie let out a weary chuckle. “Promising.”

It got Kozik to crack a smile, hearing the sarcasm come back into her voice like that even if it was just for a moment. The relief that it brought him was momentary as well as he got back to looking at the state of her hand. The cut was deep—deep enough to need stitches. And while he could do a lot to help take care of her, that was one thing that was outside of his area of expertise.

Looking up at her from where he was kneeling, he gave a small shake of his head. “This is deep, T.”

She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to be saying to that. “Okay?”

“You’re gonna need stitches and I,” he chuckled weakly, “I can’t do that. I can call—”

“I don’t wanna see anyone right now,” she stopped him before he could get to the end of his thought.

As much as he didn’t want to argue with her in the state that she was in, he also didn’t want things to get worse for her because she didn’t want to get her injuries taken care of. “You gotta get this looked at by a doctor.”

“Am I gonna bleed out before tomorrow?”

“No, but—”

“Then just wrap me up for now and tomorrow I’ll give The Good Doctor a call, alright?”

She phrased it like a question, but Kozik knew her well enough to know that there was only one answer that she’d accept. With a sigh and a nod, he started rooting around the kit he had for disinfectant and the waterproof bandages that he could wrap her hand up with.

He waited until he was about to start really cleaning out her wound before he asked her any questions. “So do I get to know what happened?”

Tawnie shook her head, not in a denial of an answer, but as though now as she was thinking back on it, it seemed so ridiculous. “Some guy came at me when I was at the liquor store today.”

“What guy?”

She shrugged, instantly followed a wince as he flushed out the cut on her hand. She tried to pull away from the pain but Kozik tightened his hold on her so that she couldn’t. It was going to feel way worse before it started to feel any better—they both knew that.

“Some random guy,” she finally said, gritted out through the pain. “Knew Tig’s my dad.”

Kozik raised his eyebrows. “What’d he look like?”

Tawnie was fighting the urge to clench her hand into a fist. “Big fuckin’ dude. Took two hits to the head with a whiskey bottle before he let me go.”

He nodded knowingly. “That explains the hand.”

She shrugged. “I was working with what I had.”

“Did he say anything to you?”

Tawnie shook his head, watching him as he placed a few gauze pads on her palm before getting the roller bandage ready. “Not really. He asked me about being Tig’s kid, then he tried to grab me up. I hit him before I got around to asking for his agenda.” She hissed quietly as she felt the bandage putting pressure on her injured hand. “He wasn’t wearing any kind of kutte. I couldn’t see any tattoos but he had long sleeves on so who fuckin’ knows.”

“I’m sorry you’re getting caught up in all this, T.”

That time when she tried to pull her hand away, it wasn’t because of the physical pain. It got Kozik to look up at her. “What’s all this? Something going on with the club?”

He shrugged to try and make it seem casual, but the slightly panicked look on his face let her know that he definitely just said more than he was meant to. “Not…I mean…it’s the club. There’s always something going on.”

She scoffed. “Is this something the type of something that has random men coming after me in the middle of a store?”

“I—”

“Who the fuck are you guys getting into it with now?”

“Who were we getting into it with last time you asked?” He saw the look on her face and immediately backpedaled. “Sorry.” Clearing his throat, he continued, “You remember those guys who came by the clubhouse and were giving Clay a hard time about the guns?”

Her face contorted in confusion. “Them? Still?”

Kozik shrugged, like he didn’t get it either. “I know.”

“What the hell does any of that have to do with me, though? I don’t help you guys sell your fucking guns.”

He nodded. “And we are all safer for it.” He taped the roller bandage in place and sat back on his heels. Letting his expression grow serious once more, he said, “I got a feeling they’re going after people who are close to the club.” He rested his hand on her knee. “You do match that description.”

“That’s such bullshit.”

He wasn’t going to try and disagree with her, especially since he knew as much as anyone that she was right. “I know. But that’s…that’s how they operate. No one’s untouchable.”

She let out a sigh, and Kozik watched in real time as the exhaustion started to set in as the last of the adrenaline ebbed out of her. “I hate it.”

“Me too, T.” He rubbed his thumb back and forth on her knee. “You wanna shower? I’ll grab you some clean clothes?”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

Moving his hand from her knee to the sink counter, he used it to balance while he rose back up to his feet. “You call your dad yet?”

She groaned as she stood up as well. “No.”

He chuckled at her reaction. “Want me to call him?”

She chuckled. “You wanna throw yourself in front of that moving bus?”

Leaning in, he kissed her on the temple. “I’ve been run over by that bus before. I’ll be fine.”

“He’s gonna come over, you know,” she called after him as he walked towards the bathroom door.

“Wash the blood off yourself, then.”

She chuckled and shook her head as she watched him go. He was about to pull the door shut behind him when she grabbed his attention one more time. “Hey, Koz?”

He paused, leaning back so that he could see her. “Yeah?”

She gave a small nod. “Thank you.”

He smiled, that soft, boyish charm shining through despite how the day had been going so far. “I always got you, T.”

(Divider by @saradika-graphics 💕)

SOA Taglist: @garbinge @espieviolet99 @littlekittymeow @i-just-read-stuff @justreblogginfics

@withmyteeth @paintballkid711 @jitterbugs927 @fanfic-n-tabulous @winchestershiresauce

@darqchilddaydreamz @choochoo284 @artemiseamoon @proceduralpassion @nessamc (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

[ravennaortiz]

Story 7 Kozik/Tig

Summary: Summary: Part of the Three: The Magic Number Series. Reader/OC x 2 of the Sons/Mayans. Purely smut with occasional plot/humor. 18+

"Careful. I'm not a doll" you reprimanded as you were manhandled between the two bikers. You should have known they would turn this into a competition.

Tig laughed. "Good or I wouldn't be able to perform"

Kozik snorted as he yanked your jeans down. "Can't perform regardless if ya ask me".

Tig pulled his mouth from your neck making you sigh to look at Kozik. "My dick is rated E for everyone. Let me know if you want a go".

"Alright" replied Kozik with a shrug and a smirk.

Several minutes later you found your self pinned beneath both men on the bed. Every hard snap of Tigs hips sending Kozik deeper into you making you clench tightly around him as you screamed through your release.. "Fuck" hissed Kozik as he came collapsing on top of you as Tig grunted and stilled holding the others mans hips as he came as well.

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[theblotsays]

Dazed and Confused Screen Print by Ryan Besch x Mondo

Mondo has released this alternate movie poster for Dazed and Confused by artist Ryan Besch. It’s future frosh vs. Ben Affleck’s O’Bannion as Besch pays tribute to Richard Linklater’s stoner classic, Dazed and Confused. Dazed and Confused by Ryan Besch is a 24”x36” hand numbered screen print. Limited to 165 pieces, this movie poster is available now at MondoShop.com for $80. “Growing up, one of the things that I used to look forward to the most was the sun going down on a Friday night. School was finally over for the week, and the sun setting was the start of whatever adventures were going to happen that weekend. That feeling is one of the things that I latched onto the most with Dazed and Confused (and other coming of age movies like American Graffiti) when I saw it as a freshman in ‘94. It’s one night, one 24hr window into the lives of these characters and that’s it. Because of that, I wanted to set the poster just as the sun is going down ... the party’s been cancelled and all of the characters are on the prowl for whatever’s next. That's what I think of when I think of that film and being that age. You could end up at a punk show in another city or strike out completely and just mindlessly drive around for the night. Who knows? That was best. And even though it’s a small nod, I'm excited that we were able to work in an homage to Kozik’s iconic Dazed poster, which is still one of my all time favorites.” – Ryan Besch http://dlvr.it/T81vVg

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

we hate the same people for the same reasons, which is awesome, but also you're not quite understanding me.

it is designed. by the process of interaction. the exact same way that human systems develop over time, put in place by whoever happened to be there and whatever happened to work. westerners have a concept of "design" that is, like our entire culture, rooted in individualism. when you remove the concept of individualism, what does 'design' look like? a collaborative process in which things are added by newcomers over time as needed. that's nature. a process of accumulation designed by free interaction between living organisms, frequently mutualistic interaction. not intelligent design, with one mastermind making all the decisions as the western world imagines happens with God and kings.

this, to me, is spiritual. the necessity we hold to each other. the bug dies and the plant learns to eat its corpse, keeping the special rocks and chemicals arranged eons ago by the mushrooms in constant circulation. the trees, knowing they're stronger with each other, pass storm warnings and nutrients via fungal messenger to keep their young healthy and the forest strong [x]. trees still produce fruit 'designed' for mammoths to eat as a seed-spreading strategy and have not yet 'realized' that they're extinct, resulting in shrinking habitats as their fruit drops dead on their trunks, moving nowhere ( via the trees that miss the mammoths). in this, 'nature'--the vast system of interactions that surrounds us-- does have an intention: to continue interaction. the sociality that bred, the mutualism that opened up to us, the reality of communication and exchange, these things are holy to me. it is also science. ecology.

the role that humans can take in these systems when we understand and respect them is also spiritual to me. Here are some excerpts from Liz Ann Kozik's excellent Re-Peopleing Prarie that discusses some of the fundamental differences i'm trying describe here. [tumblr post] [esty link.]*

The PawPaw has an entire case study in the full text, but this is a plant with delicious fruit that 'naturally' produces a very small amount of it. this fruit is beneficial to more than just humans, being an amazing source of energy and nutrients for deer, raccoons, opossums, insects, birds, scavengers, decomposers, etc etc etc. more fruit is generally good for an ecosystem. human interaction with this plant increases the plant's health and produces more fruit for all beings in the ecosystem. human cultivation of pawpaw was made illegal as a part of the Native American genocide carried out by the US government (people starve when you make it illegal for them to grow their food.) this is driving PawPaw extinction, and the plant is currently endangered despite its deliciousness and the human desire to plant it everywhere and care for it.

when you divorce your concept of design from an individualistic framework that inevitably overemphasizes the influence of one member of a system, the system itself becomes beautiful. the constant push and pull which co-creates our lives, designed through our interactions.

humans didn't become the "dominant species" on earth through processes of domination and destruction but through our incredible ability to form mutualistic relationships with other organisms. domesticating plants was mutualistic--we cared for the plants with the biggest fruits and kept them alive, until they developed over time into staple crops that grow huge portions of what we need the most. domesticating wolves was not a process of domination or theft--you cannot trap a wild wolf in your house and expect it to go well. we formed mutualistic social bonds with wolves and they chose to stick around. same thing with pigs and chickens and sheep. we cared for them, developed bonds of trust and safety, and they chose to stick around. accumulated interaction becomes habit becomes collaborative design. the breath and heartbeat of the world

Atheist don't bug me. What bugs me are the type of atheists who will point blank talk about nature being 'designed' and natural phenomenon having a 'purpose' my dear you opted out of having a designer. You chose anarchy and good for you but then be realistic and recognize that nature is also anarchy. Evolution is a stupidass process where whatever genetic damage happens to produce the most reproductively successful creature gets passed on. There is no fairness. There are no noble animals, in fact most animals are cunts and proud to be such. Nobody in this universe cares if you are healthy in old age as long as you pop out a few offspring your genes and all its shittiness will remain. This is the universe you chose to live in now go forth and enjoy the chaos

[crimsonheart01]

#42 with Kozik I’m pregnant

42. “I’m pregnant”

NOTE: Prompts are now closed. Thank you to everyone who sent in their requests

You twirled the test between your fingers. This was wholly unexpected. You never thought kids were in the cards for you. It wasn’t that you didn’t want them, it was more a situation of you having never thought about having them. It wasn’t something you dwelled on. Not like other women. You knew that you loved babysitting Abel, and you didn’t mind all the prying questions you got from other Old Ladies. You always laughed them off, not thinking about it any further. You were in entirely foreign territory. This was a topic neither you nor Kozik had ever brought up. You had no idea how he felt about kids in general, not to mention having one of his own. 

You sighed and picked up the whole trash can. Going around the side of the house you dumped it’s contents into the main garbage bin and then tossed the positive test in with it. Bringing the bathroom trash back inside, you decided to keep the news to yourself for the time being. You’d call and make an appointment at the hospital. There was a chance that it was a false positive. You didn’t want to incite any panic before you were 100% sure. 

By the end of the week, you’d gone for the blood test and been booked for your first ultrasound. You weren’t sure how it happened, but Tara managed to find out about your news and was excited for you. She probably made the assumption when she saw you booking the ultrasound and when you didn’t deny it she had her answer. You immediately made her promise to keep it quiet. At least until you told Kozik. You didn’t want anyone else knowing before him. 

You’d been carrying the news around all alone and still weren’t sure how to bring it up with Koz. There was still so much going on around here, and you didn’t want to complicate matters. There was also the underlying matter of jail time. The boys were getting out in a few months and you saw the stress of Jax being inside and how it was effecting Tara and her pregnancy. It shone a light on a very strong possibility for what your future could look like. 

You were puttering around the kitchen, trying to keep yourself busy and not stuck in your head. Kozik was in the living room with the TV on and every time you approached the room, your heart dropped into your stomach and you backed away again. You’d never been this nervous about anything before in your life. Closing your eyes and inhaling you decided to push through the anxiety. Rip off the band aid as it were. 

“Koz?” You called as you walked into the living room. 

“Hmmm?” He answered, extending his arm for you to snuggle against him. 

You sighed, thankful that he was as clueless as he was at the moment. You sank into the couch and laid your head on his shoulder. He tightened his hold and squeezed your upper arm. You stared at the TV for a moment before blurting out the news. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

Kozik’s body tensed but he didn’t move. You waited for some other kind of response but when nothing came, you sat up. His arm dropped to his side and you found him in a catatonic state. He was frozen in shock and staring off in the distance. You rounded the couch and sat down on the coffee table, blocking his view of the TV. HIs eyes remained distant. 

“Kozik?” You tried to get his attention but he stayed still. 

You gave it one last try and shouted, “Herman!” 

Nothing. Shit. Your nerves shot through you and you felt horrible. This wasn’t the reaction you were hoping for. You reached for you phone and pulled it out. You keyed in Tara’s number and prayed she’d answer. On the second ring she picked up and you shivered. 

“Tara,” You whispered, “I think I broke him.” 

Tara chuckled a bit and then asked you a few questions. For the entire conversation Kozik didn’t move. You were beginning to worry that he was going to need to go to the hospital. That all his organs were shutting down. Tara gave you a bit of advice that you hoped would worked. You thanked her and hung up. You placed your phone on the table beside you and reached for Kozik’s hands. 

You squeezed his hands between yours and murmured, “You’re going to be a dad.” 

You waited a moment and that seemed to get through to him. He blinked a few times before switching his gaze to yours. 

He swallowed and in a quiet voice, repeated, “I’m going to be a dad?”

You nodded, tears starting to well in your eyes. Kozik noticed the panic in your eyes and he jumped up and gathered you into his arms. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and apologized. 

“I’m gonna be a dad!” He shouted again, excited. 

You sighed in relief and he cupped your face and planted a passionate kiss to your mouth. You laughed when he pulled away. 

“My first ultrasound is on Wednesday.” You mentioned. “You can come with me, if you want.”

His smile lit up the room, “Of course!” 

[queencfwolves-archive]

tag dump 2/?

x. us against the world. pastrepentance

x. if dads had been flowers ; i would’ve picked you. haloaflame

x. i don’t want to do this without my brother. unholymayhem

x. you are not an anchor to hold me down; nor the sail to take me there; you are the guiding light whose love shows me the way. kinghailed

x. he set fire to the world around him ; but never let a flame touch me. belfastbutcher

x. the bubbles to my blossom. starsdisappeared

x. the buttercup to my blossom. emperatrizmaya

x. this is my family ;  i found it all on my own. it's little ; and broken ; but still good. samcro & co

x. it takes a real princess to disrespect a king. gavelcorrupted

x. when my world came crushing down time after time ; you were there to pick up a mess you didn’t make. asesinodedios

c. forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain ; even after three times he betrays me. juan carlos ortiz

c. respect any man who can heal a heart he didn’t break ; and raise a daughter he didn’t make. tig trager

c. he is my brother ; it doesn’t matter that we are not related by blood. happy lowman

c. when brother and sister stand shoulder to shoulder ; who stands a chance against us. jax teller

c. she was sent to me when i needed her the most ; an actual angel to save me from myself. lyla winston

c. god gave me you as my cousin because he knew the world would not be able to handle us as sisters. tessa alvarez

c. he’s the type of man you want to go to war beside; not against. herman kozik