#And I like clear spaces
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What an awful curse to be a person who theoretically loves maximalism but hates seeing stuff that has been stored outside cupboards, hates dusting, is terrified of somehow decorating The Wrong Way and being laughed at, is extremely clumsy, and has no real motivation to purchase nicknacks
#I know we often talk about the opposite problem (chaotic maximalists) but I'd say with the exception of books I'm a reluctant minimalist#Oh the life I could have if I weren't an absolute mess and therefore react badly to having more than four objects in a room to take care of#I just look at other people's pictures of cluttered cosy rooms and sigh#I love it in other people's homes and spaces but the minute I try to be decorative in my own I shrink back like a snail#I will sit comfortably in my very boring white empty walls and perish for lack of imagination and colour#But it's stressful if there are small things to get broken or need dusted all the time#And I like clear spaces#My brother keeps coming in like 'Oh your house isn't so bad you could just decorate a bit more'#I want to#But I also believe that will spell disaster and possibly some stubbed toes#I see cool little ornaments and pictures and stuff and think 'Oh yeah maybe some other time though'#And end up living in what I would in any other case describe as bland white wall grey carpet hell#I have become the Man#I feel so horrid and vanilla and BORING#What is the POINT of being an annoying opinionated aggressively passionate about niche things little horror#If that doesn't at least translate einto some interesting decor#Turns out I'm a big old suburban coward#It's so sterile in here#Earth & Stone
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does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.
#also if it wasnt clear this isnt ‘its bad its lazy’ there is a level of like#completion consistancy i am thinking for with this#personally i really do not enjoy the like. vintage chic long red nails fur coats noir esque aesthetic HOWEVER 💥💥💥#i can recognize that it is put together it is Intentional#i feel like a lot of people are going to say minimalism on this so LET ME SAY 🫰☝️ i recognize that minimalism is Considered an aesthetic#but i *PERSONALLY* do not consider it an aesthetic i consider it the void of one#it is a lapse in aesthetic or personality in the same way a silence in a song is still technically a ‘beat’ but no music is played#however the importance of Space or Breath in design is more akin to a purposeful silence in music#because that silence matters in the same way rhythm and breath in design do#so i guess minimalism is more comparable to like. white noise. the sound of a fan#very little effort and there is a comfort in it i suppose but its not. A Design. okay#TO ME 🤫#if minimalism has one hater its me if minimalism has no haters im dead
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Obligatory tableau-ish TLT art post. Temptation of Eve perhaps?
Closeup:
#art#the locked tomb#tlt#ianthe tridentarius#harrowhark nonagesimus#i wanted to try out a new brush I made if it wasn't obvious by all the space and clouds#only really like harrow in this and the sword lol#harryanthe#harrianthe#this is post-dinner scene if that wasnt clear
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opla inspired!
#one piece#opla#opfanart#nami#monkey d. luffy#roronoa zoro#as the central guys in this little collage... and in the la! i said some of my thoughts in the previous op art tags#the la was suuuper fun and silly... i have my reservations about it but i like that it exists and its clear the crew behind it had#a lot of fun building the world + dynamic between the crew alongside koby. also iv never seen so much one piece in my space!!! im happy#this alongside the new op & ed of recent one piece anime & the manga picking up hype with luffy eughgsnkd (explodes)#anyway the mihawk appearance in opla was crazy. so was the bogard focus - he had more screentime in opla than all of the original animanga#every time he showed up i thought of the man in the yellow hat...#ruporas art
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i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
#hobbies#writeblr#what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog#although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person#i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally#writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like#it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing.#which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like#i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me#bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely.#it HAS to be a job. it must#also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself#to make it RIGHT#and im like ... idk i only have an hour#so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing
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i am in love with your sollux i think
sollux love party :]
if you’re interested heres some of my personal fondness thoughts on him.. big warning for the mega long read ahead aye
as we alr know sollux's rejection of participation somewhat mirrors dave's rejection of heroism, but even without getting cooked to completion i still find sollux's character v compelling beyond the fourth wall
as someone who doesnt get a pinch of that Protagonist Sparkle to begin with, he can openly say he wants to leave anytime…. and unlike dave, he actually Can leave the scene anytime. but he can never be truly Free from the story via permanent character death like the other trolls.
his irrelevancy is indeed relevant - he’s there so u can point him out.
while his image is intended to be a relic of past internet subculture, his role is not only about hehehaha being a Chad or a 2000s cyberforum 2²chan haxxor ragequit gamebro.
his continued existence also happens to add a Bit to the overarching themes of homestuck! a Bit that gives him longer-lasting thematic relevance compared to the trolls who could’ve had more character potential but didnt get to survive beyond the main story.
the Bit in question:
his defiance contributes to the illusion of agency (treating characters = people with autonomy). he’s “aware” of it, and that recognition is worth noting enough to forcibly keep him alive as both reward and punishment.
considering how his personality & classpect is designed its definitely a very haha thing for hussie to do LOL. he’s made to be op asf so he's resigned to doing dirty work, gradually deteriorating along the way but never truly dying. as fans have mentioned before, him openly rejecting involvement after a while of grim tolerance is like if the sim u were controlling suddenly stopped, looked up and gave u the finger while u were step six into the walkthrough for Every Possible Sim Death Animation.
but since he’s just a sim… the more he hates it, the more you keep him around. if ur sim started complaining abt your whimsical household storyline you’d definitely keep that little fuck.
but yeah i like that sollux is just idling. the significance of his presence being that one dude who's always reliably Somewhere, root core Unchanged, no individual ambitions (possibly due to fear of consequence?), and design-wise: a staple representative product of his time.
compared to dirk's character, who has aged phenomenally well into the present (themes of control + AR + artificial intelligence, clearer exploration around navigating relationships/sexuality, infinite possibilities of self-splinterhood and trait inheritance), sollux's potential is really... contained. bitter. defeatist. limiting and frustrating in the way old tech is.
the world continues moving on to shinier, brighter, more advanced automated things - minimalist and metaverse or whatever but sollux is still here 🧍♂️ going woohoo redblue 3d. (tho personally i imagine his vibe similar to what the kids call cassette futurism on pinterest mixed w more grimy grunge insectoid influences eheh)
conceptually-speaking,
at the foundation of it all, the rapid pace of modern development was built off the understanding of ppl like sollux in the past, who were There actively at work while the dough was still beginning to rise
thats one of the cool things abt the idea of trolls preceding humans! the idea that trolls like sollux excelled back when lots of basic shit still needed to be discovered, building structures like networks and codes from scratch, and humans will eventually inherit and reinvent that knowledge in ways that become so optimized it makes the old manual effort seem archaic, slow, and labour-intensive.
but despite information/resources/shortcuts being more accessible now, much of the new highly-anticipated stuff released on trend still end up unfinished, inefficient, or expiring quickly due to cutting corners under severe capitalistic pressures
meanwhile, some of the old stuff frm past generations of thorough, exploratory and perfectionistic development still remains working, complete, and ever so sturdy.
those things continue to exist, just outside our periphery with either:
zero purpose left for modern needs (outdated/obsolete)
or
far too important to replace or destroy, bcs of its surprisingly essential and circumstantial usefulness in one niche specific area.
which are honestly? both points that sum up sollux pree well.
dramatic ending sorry. anw are u still on the fence or are u Sick abt him like me </3
#ask#anon#sollux captor#homestuck#hs2 spoilers#2023#vioart#hs2 sollux explaining girls and bitches to john: 🗣️🗣️🗣️#mr foods‚ setting up the visuals: LMAO ok pause. cool story bro theyre all gone its just u n ur sandwich bro.#now that i think abt it sol's kind of a toaster? awkwardly takes up countertop space#lacks the versatility and sociability of an air fryer/pressure cooker. unwashed and littered w crumbs!#but sometimes the clear‚ frank simplicity of the toaster is a temporary lifesaver for ppl who struggle w low appetite / decision fatigue#or ppl who just have a habit of eating toast for breakfast LOL#and eh ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ even if u dont feel like toasting today thats ok he's still gonna be sitting there 👍👍#a funnyman..... i curse him in my pan but root for him in my biscuit 🫶
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saying this as respectfully as possible but. Do not put fandom content creators on a pedestal. We are also just fans contributing to a community just as you are. We have boundary on our own work and that’s it. What I say is not and should not be considered sth the whole fandom should listen to. I’m just a normal ass person ranting about things on my blog. If it does not have a fandom tag for others to engage in, do not make it out to be me trying to start fights or addressing the whole community. Because it’s not.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again, my art, my lore talk, is biased. I’ve never tried to hide that I view Marika a certain way and will always develop my theory following that base assumption.
Aside from translation stuffs and pointing out in-game items, everything else I say you can look at it, agree or disagree, and move on to form your own opinions. Just because I draw stuffs doesn’t mean you get to saddle me with responsibilities about managing fandom expectations. What the hell? I’m a fan artist, I’m the last person who you should look at for “leaderism” (?) WHAT?
I can and will be a hater in my own space, like I know sometimes other artists will just post their stuffs and not engage too heavily with fandom, and for a while I did try to do that here (because I’m already a dramatic ass on twitter), that’s just not me though.
You will get art and you will get my opinions as well.
#asking ppl to [celebrate different takes] is... WHAT?#different takes as in well I think she likes apples and you think she likes grapes. yeah that’s some fun discussion to be have#but different takes as in the fundamental of a character’s drive and personality??? NO#let’s put that down very clear here#I can still read fics where Marika is cold and calculate and manipulative as long as I can see there’re layers to it and the author#set it up in a way that I can see they got her backstory and build those layers based on that#and then there are ppl who literally only portray her as omg evil girlboss 101 let’s blame everything on this cardboard character#then I click back.#and there r ppl who might not vibe with how i portray her and they can ignore me. THAT'S OK TOO. we r in our own space.#it’s as simple as that!#ever since the dlc is out i literally could see the amount of ppl blocking me go up and im just “ok” because i do go around muting ppl too.#that's normal fandom space managing experience. pls do that#lore discussion is for ppl to engage in so u say ur piece i say mine and we can continue or not depending on situation#but FANWORK? leave each other alone or be a hater in ur own space ok?#personal#also where are these ppl who have been defending Marika at... because if u exclude me#and some others i can count on one hand. where are these ppl?#ppl saying headass stuffs about the HS aren't even Marika fans or engage too much in fandom to begin with#meanwhile u can't even find one youtube lore essay that says anything good about her#ppl are even trying to give Messmer's mother position to GEQ for no goddamn reason#like where is this overwhelming support for Marika at cuz as the active Marika stan around im not seeing it
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Intergalactic Bound!
“Through the dark of the night, I know we will be alright. There’s a universe of positivity beyond the sky!” -Hatsune Miku
Close up of Sonic’s face!
+ A comparison to (almost) one year ago :>
#universal gravitation au#Miku reference? In my sonic au? It’s more likely than you’d think#I was literally stricken with this image clear as day of super sonic in his ugau space suit and had to draw it lol#My art#digital art#digital painting#finished pieces#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sth#sonic fanart#sonic the hedgehog fanart#sonic the hedgehog au#sonic au#space au#outer space#sonadow#sonadow au#super sonic#super sonic fanart#sonic x shadow generations#sonic au art#Sonic fandom#au#sth au#anthro#hatsune miku
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Kingdom Hearts 2 - Space Paranoids
#kingdom hearts 2#kh2#sora#space paranoids#my gif#i've always liked this minigame#even just the intro looks so cool i love the camera angles#had this footage sitting in my folder for too long time to clear up some space
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(wip) totk rewritten botw2 edition
rough ideas for the reworked healing system- bottles+potions are back and must be used in real time, cooked meals are not storable but better than potions, different types of portable pots?
wasnt sure if the portable pot should have different effects or just have designs you can change, but decided to add a few different types for roughly different types of players without too many options that could overwhelm but still add some variety to any gameplay AND a more meaningful reward for bigger quests!
-my goal with this is avoid the pausing to spam apples into links mouth to heal problem, to readd some difficulty with more limited healing in general (bottles must be found or gained as a reward, usage in battle like in skyward sword via wheel menu and then used in real time) and adding more variety via the design of the pots, a neat new item since they are portable (set up a campfire, then option is added to add the pot for cooking), and make cooking a lil more interesting besides it spamming your inventory even more with healing stuff AND add some meaning to bottles and potions again bc imo they were one of the most useless things you could get when playing botw/totk- which is why cooked meals are not storable but with better effects, think of it like a bit more customizable and zeldafied elden ring mechanic with the usual heals and the one time physic buff
so if you got into a bossfight and lost it, you could set up a cooking spot before the arena to give yourself a temporary buff via a meal and restock your potions for in battle healing and/or effects depending on how many bottles you have, if you have trouble dealing damage for example you can use the firey pot to add some extra attack dmg (and yes it stacks if you do attack effect in the firey pot it adds extra attack damage, maybe even with a hidden bonus)
(got similar planned for the parasail .. like dif types with dif effects like faster gliding speed but more stamina usage- one used like koga does in aoc that lets you glide fully soundlessly ...)
(legend of zelda)
(also no NPC will give you a shitty cooked thing as a 'reward' anymore, if anything its a bottle that you can use like in the old games ..)
#ganondoodles#zelda#art#wip#ganondoodles rewrites totk#botw2#botw2 edition#....this took me way longer to draw than id like to admit#but couldnt focus enough to get it all done with typed text instead of my shitty handwriting#and yes that is a botw sonau pot#and yes they are a reference to the triforce#the menu needs alot of work but uuuh out of drawing juice already i guess#idk about you but i hated getting cooked stuff from npcs bc it would just spam my inventory and be useless#like wow thanks i really needed some riceballs with a 30 seconds lighting defense up bonus yyaaaaay#and having to clear up space to accept it??? waste your good stuff?? argh#also totk just added more useless bonus effects#like the damage up when hot or cold is so?????? to me#all it does is spam my inventory more#both in meals and in armor#THAT YOU CANT STORE ANYWHERE#i was fine with botws menu but i hate totks so much more#and no thats not just bc i hate totk#i hated the menu before knew i hated the game in general lol#anyway#good night
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Portrait of a vampire
Photo of a werewolf (who doesn't trust cameras)
As a treat I like to paint my characters realistically from time to time... so I can see them...
Webcomic
#to be clear I do NOT think my art is like photorealistic#it's just extremely funny to read his expression as like. apprehension towards the camera#please imagine with me. play in this space with me#I know canonically he has been on camera but we're playing pretend...#anyways they are both extremely good looking I love them both so dearly........#time and time again#ttawebcomic#adam and steve#adam#steve#portrait#illustration#digital illustration#I figured out what was bothering me about adam's portrait#so now that I fixed it I'll go ahead and post them together#I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO SAY in my captions sorry#I also dont know what to tag things as...#but I DO know how to talk about all kinds of shit in the tags!!!#so I do that!#wahoo yippee#also it is SO hard to make them match in more detailed styles#cause steve comes with way more detail (scars hair rougher skin more angles) than adam does...#so he always looks more detailed. ANNOYING!!!!!!#oh I just remembered something else I want to draw. I will write it down now so I dont forget
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Sometimes I think about the fact Eddie is technically the first person we see in Bucks bedroom and it makes me feel a little feral.
Today is one of those days!!!
#like I know we see Ali up there when they’re looking around the loft with the realtor#but it’s not actually bucks loft at that point in time#Eddie getting buck out of bed pre tsunami is the first time we see the space occupied#and I look back now and think how insane that fact is#like - that feels like a clear signal from the show about their intentions at the start of season 3#espeically with the black and white of Buck and Eddie’s costumes as well#it’s like they wanted to spell it out in black and white the direction they were going#even if it’s ended up taking them longer than anticipated to get there#it’s also one of the reasons I am more attached to the loft as a buddie roommates situation than Eddie’s house#but that’s a different conversation!#so yeah the show is insane and the loft is importsnt and bucks bedroom especially so#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 abc#buddie
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alien stimboard with periwinkle/purple and yellow stars for anon!!
💟 ⭐ 💟 / 🟣 👾 🟣 / 💟 ⭐ 💟
#i hope you like it!! this was harddd for me so. let me know and as always i'll fix it!!#purple#yellow#gold#white#periwinkle#blue#clear slime#float slime#lava lamp#galaxy#cosmos#stars#glitter#purple stim#alien#aliens#aliencore#bath bombs#slime#hands#visual#space#spacecore#space stim#poking#stimboard#requests
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I come on this platform mostly to just have silly fun, but seeing queer, and especially trans infighting on my dash is so frustrating.
Friendly reminder that if you don't support all queer identities you can fuck off. Building a community requires supporting eachother, but don't think I will keep people in my community who care only about kicking down others, that's crab bucket behaviour.
Support transmascs. support transfems. support intersex people. support non-binary identities. support trans men. support trans women. support bi people. support pan people. Support Ace people. Support Aro people. support lesbians. support gay men. Especially fucking support black queer people. Especially fucking support indigenous queer people. Especially fucking support asian queer people. Especially fucking support SWANA queer people. Especially fucking support Jewish queer people. And any intersections of the above, and likely the many I've missed.
No one else's identity is lesser just because it is different,
#Kind of a vent post#probably shouldn't post like this tbh#cuz it might invite bad faith actors tbh#But I'm so damn tired about people pretending transandrophobia doesn't exist#speaking as a transfem myself#I don't care about what the specific term is or how “clunky” it sounds#Transmascs have a right to discuss their own oppression#just as us Transfems do#And a proper queer community sees us support eachother#Transfems that do not make space for transmascs in their life are not my allies#Same goes for any other queer identity#Some INDIVIDUALS are truly shitty and are not part of my community true#but we don't abandon those in our community for speaking up for themselves#Transandrophobia#transmisoginy#To be clear I am upset with people bashing transmascs and blocking those on sight#transmascs venting/talking about their oppression or the harrassment they face are not doing anything wrong#Wether they receive said harrassment from transfems or not. does not matter#Also anyone trying to argue “those don't count as queer though” about any group of queer people is a ghoul and not an ally
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My jewish community, friends, rabbi, and educators: We are very invested in helping you be jewish. Do you want to help read the haftarah? Here's a chanukiah! You can have it!! Borrow these books! Here's some books! You need more books... Come to pesach! Come to the chanukah party! When are your classes done? We need a minyan for once!
Me and my 50000 IQ: What if I am Secretly Appropriating judaism? What if I am doing a Cultural Appropriation........
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#there comes a point where your concerns about if you are an Appropriative Cultural Appropriator hinders your jewish journey#i think a comforting thing is knowing that my incessant fear about this is confirmation that i love judaism#i love it with my heart and soul and (i feel) i'd be a less realized person without it#and i think people who genuinely engage in cultural appropriation just Do Not Care about the cultures they appropriate from#they don't love the culture enough to respect it and that is a big reason that it even IS appropriation#especially when jewish people are INVITING you to do things... it's not appropriation#i dunno last night i was feeling very anxious about lighting the chanukiah candles because i'm alone#but i've also lit shabbos candles. and it's just like... why would i choose not to engage in this when one day i will have to?#this time next year i will have to light candles. as a jew. and if i have no clue how to do it myself then i'll just avoid it#plus... i love my chanukiah and i want to use it. it is currently decorating my room because i love it#i hope they'll let me take pictures of all the chanukiah that'll be at the party#i'm sure they will because they're very open and they are very accommodating. in fact i'm bringing my clarinet too#i haven't touched that thing in well over four years 😭#but jewish music without a clarinet is like a body with no soul. it's impossible. it is not what g-d wants i think.#i just hope my ability to play by ear hasn't been affected by my lack of playing. i don't have perfect pitch tbc#but i fully believe you can know your instrument so well that you develop an ear for perfect pitch#in fact... i refused to memorize my marching band music because i DID develop that 'perfect pitch' ear. that's my dirty secret#i didn't practice in part because i can't have a space where noone could hear me practice and it's embarrassing and private to me#literally EVERY jew in my life has been almost TOO ecstatic about my jewish journey. i'm very thankful for it#i guess i just didn't think i deserved to have people as happy about me being in judaism as i am#so to be clear this is my brain being rude and dumb. this anxiety has NEVER been reinforced by anyone but myself#so i take full responsibility for it. but i think that anxiety is something many/most converts/jews-in-progress feel
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In my opinion
There is no denying that House loves Cuddy. It's obvious, everybody knows it, there's no debate. Cuddy also loves House, again, obvious, no debate. But the way that Cuddy loves House is not the same as the way that Wilson does.
Cuddy acknowledges Houses issues, and she loves him in spite of them. She sees the worst parts of him, the "undesirable" parts of House, and she chooses to look beyond them. She sees the man that he is aside from those things, and she makes the conscious choice to coexist with those parts of him in exchange for being together with the parts that she loves. An example would be House's jealousy. She acknowledges that he can be extremely jealous, and she agrees to look past it because he's also very loving and protective. That's why when House continues to make mistakes, she becomes more and more disappointed. Because she sees a man who she believes could do better, falling back into his "old ways." She will try to convince herself that it's not a surprise when he does "bad" things, and she tries to convince herself that she doesn't need him to change, but the truth is that she does. Cuddy is a mother. She is a very mature, professional woman, and she wants to settle down. House, as he exists in the show, would not be able to live up to par with those expectations. I'm not saying he couldn't be a great dad to Rachel, or that he wouldn't love Cuddy, but he would realistically would not be able to act the way she needs and deserves for the rest of their lives. And when he does inevitably do something destructive, she will struggle to deal with it. Because she sees House as someone split down two sides, the "good" side, and the "bad" side, and she will expect him to focus on the "good" side, so when House does something wrong, it will feel like a personal attack, because she will see it as him not fighting hard enough to not give in to his "bad" side for her. And that's not to say anything bad about Cuddy, because the fact that she needs somebody who is the type of person that House just can not realistically be is neither of their faults. But I believe that House fully understands all of this. He is crumbling under the pressure of living up to Cuddy's expectations. He is constantly trying to fight his "bad" side so that he can be what she needs. But in reality, he is not two separate parts. There is no "good" and "bad" House. They are one in the same. With her, he has to fight to be what she needs. He has to fight to change. So when stressful things happen, his fight or flight response kicks in, and he runs. Because he's scared. He's scared that he is going to do something that will disappoint her. He is scared he won't live up to her expectations. With Cuddy, he has to sacrifice parts of himself to attempt to be who she needs. And it's just not sustainable. You can't live like that forever. All the good becomes overshadowed by constant anxiety and stress. It leads to House's mental health plummeting because he starts to hate himself for not being able to get rid of that "bad side." And so when Cuddy needs him during stressful times, he can't bring himself to be there for her fully, because he is so focused on the "good" side of him coming out, that he starts to lose himself.
With Wilson, however, it is basically the exact opposite. Wilson doesn't see two different sides of House. He sees one person who is incredibly multifaceted. He recognizes those "undesirable" parts of House, and he loves them just the same as he loves the "good" parts. Because he sees no divide. When House does things that are hurtful, he still calls him out, but he doesn't see it as a personal failure. He sees it as just a part of House. Like yeah, he'll insult your fatal illness, but he'll shoot some random guy with a spud gun for insulting you. Where as Cuddy would see those as two separate, distinct sides, Wilson sees those as a conjoined whole. He doesn't love House in spite of his issues. He loves House because of his issues. Because House's struggles are a part of what makes House who he is. So Wilson can fight with him and be mad at him and hurt him, but he doesn't expect House to throw away or "overcome" parts of himself. He would love for House to give up drugs, but he doesn't expect House to give up his addictive tendencies. There's a balance, and it's all an equal part of House. And so because of this, when House and Wilson are put in stressful situations, House doesn't feel like he has to run. He feels safe. Because he knows even if he says something wrong, and even if he upsets Wilson, Wilson is not going to leave him. Wilson does not have these high expectations for him that he feels like he is being forced to fill. And so he can focus on genuinely being in the moment and being there for Wilson because he is not fighting with himself, and he is not scared. He has trust in Wilson and enough trust in their relationship to know that they will work things out. I think the fact that they have very similar issues also helps a lot. He can be mean to Wilson and lash out, and Wilson will recognize that House is doing that because he is scared and because he loves him. In return, Wilson can also insult House and make fun of him because he's just as destructive. They meet each other on the same level because they are equals. House does not feel like Cuddy's equal. He feels like she is better than him, and he can't be himself with her. Him and Wilson know each other as well as they know themselves, and they're not constantly making the other feel like there are high expectations they have to fight to reach in order to love each other or be "worthy" of each other. They're just House and Wilson.
But I have no idea what I'm talking about, so take this with a grain of salt.
#(Yes Wilson does temporarily leave House but that's besides the point you get the jist)#I hope this makes sense because it took me forever to write it because my brain was struggling to put it into words#I feel like I've made similar posts before but whatever#Also I know people get pissed about the wall of text being to big and not having enough spaces in between paragraphs#but rip i guess because im not fixing it#house md#house#greg house#james wilson#gregory house#hilson#hate crimes md#hatecrimes md#housemd#wilson#favs#favourite#clearing out my drafts#house/wilson
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