#And I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

"Buck's still baking."

There's a long pause following these words, though they've been uttered in such an alarming way. Apart from that, Tommy can't make sense of it.

"He's ... baking?"

"Yeah, well, you know," Howie stretches each word, he's chewing on them.

"I sure don't," says Tommy.

"Wait, has nobody told you?"

Disbelief is dripping from Howie's voice now, and Tommy can only bite his lips to not remind him of the obvious: no, nobody has told Tommy anything about Buck in the past months, and he's not dared to ask. That's the uncomfortable truth, and since he doesn't really know where his and Howie's friendship is to place right now, he doesn't say it. He doesn't need to, because Howie is quick to talk on.

"He's been baking since you two broke up," he explains, as if that would explain anything. "Breads and cakes and pies and whatever, he's just not stopping. At first, he said it distracted him from calling you, but now I'm not so sure."

Oh, thinks Tommy. His mind doesn't stop there, he did want to call me? Why didn't he? Why did he need distraction? What does it all mean? It's an endless cycle of why's, and his stomach kind of hurts about all the missed opportunities. His own fingers have typed messages, almost on their own, so many times. He's deleted them all.

"And now," Howie continues, "now Eddie's gone, and he said Buck came by to say goodbye and he brought him some cookies. He's made cookies for Eddie, so he's still baking, and Tommy, we can't take it anymore."

"You can't take it anymore?"

He's thinking about the constant ache, that Evan-shaped gap in his heart and mind and how it never went away, never got any smaller. Weeks turned into months, but the pain persisted, like caries eating away at teeth, gnawing away more and more of the enamel because it wants to get to the core. And the core, well. The core is his feelings, Tommy knows that. He's just not sure what Howie understands of all this. Why he would care.

"No. Our fridge is packed, the cupboards are loaded, Tommy, he doesn't stop baking, and we're paying for it! He's at our door all the time, not only at ours, he's been baking for Hen and Bobby and the whole dispatch and ... everybody, really. But it still doesn't stop. There's tons of baked goods!"

"You... you called me because you're sick of cake?" Tommy asks, he can't believe it.

"The cake is a lie!" Howie almost screams now, close to hysterical. "Why are you two not talking? You need to talk."

He calms down a bit, takes a deep breath before adding, "It's not the cake, Tommy. It's ... he's sad. He's unhappy. He's not well."

"I can't fix him," Tommy snaps.

"You're sure about that?"

Yeah, Tommy, are you?

"Look, Howie, I don't really know what you expect me to do."

"Talk to him," he replies, as if it were really that simple.

But isn't it?

"You're guilt-tripping me because I'm the one who left," Tommy says.

What he thinks, however, is that it's been months, how can Evan still be unhappy? How can he still be sad? The answer is obvious.

"Yeah, does it work?" Howie replies. "Because we don't know what else to do, Tommy. At least talk to him. I know you want to."

That's bold.

"Why would you say that?"

There's a typical Howie-laughter, a low chuckle close to a crack.

"I got friends at your station," he claims, which is probably not true, but Howie is a prankster. Howie knows how to pry into secrets. "So I know," he continues, "that you pounce on every hour of overtime. You've slept in the hangar. You're not dating anyone. You're on some strange diet that is apparently so time-consuming that you haven't had an after-work beer since you broke up. Shall I go on?"

Tommy curses at the satisfaction in Howie's voice, but what can he say? All of that is true (and some is a lie, and Howie knows it).

"All of this means ..."

Don't say it, thinks Tommy.

"... Buck's still got a chance."

That's not quite the right conclusion, because he never not had a chance. This is Tommy thinking he didn't have another, that he didn't deserve it.

"Please," Howie pleads, "we don't need more breads and cakes. And Buck deserves to be happy again. You know he was happy with you, right?"

This is not Tommy's fault. And it is Tommy's fault. And maybe, maybe it's just a big misunderstanding. Something adults can work on, even if they - he - said some hurtful things.

"You think he would bake me some cookies?" he asks, and he's not even joking.

[revelboo]

omg, your stories are so good!! Really love that you write for characters I don't usually get to see, like waspinator, the insecticons, etc. Plus you also got me interested in Sunstorm, Which is surprising cause I didn't used to give him a second thought, before. Now I'm curious about where that story is going. Can't wait to see what you do in the future!

You guys have challenged me to write for a lot of characters I’d never written before and I love it

Where I Belong Pt 12

Bluestreak x Reader

• Waking up tangled in someone else, it takes a moment to remember that Blue had never mass shifted back after telling you all of it. He’d just wrapped himself around you, grieving until he’d finally gone into recharge still clinging to you like you’re his security blanket. Now his face is jammed against your neck, one of the points of his chevron digging uncomfortably into your cheek and his knee is between your thighs, arms wrapped around you. And he’s still out, you can feel him venting against you and you don’t have the heart to wake him. Tipping your head back to try and avoid getting poked by his chevron, you listen to the hum of his internal systems.

• There’s a soft hand on his helm, arms holding him and he curls tighter against that warmth and safety. Slowly coming out of recharge without that hum of terror chasing him into alertness. Without the nightmares. “Blue, honey, I can’t breathe,” you say and he’s fully online. Head lifting, he realizes he’s wrapped around you and he awkwardly scoots back. Forcing himself to stop smothering you and to put some distance between you both when he just wants to bury his face back against you. Feel those soft hands on him telling him that he’s okay. Reassuring him. “Sleep okay?” You ask him, somehow not annoyed with him when you should be. Have every right to be.

• “Sorry. I guess I got a little clingy there.” He can’t even look you in the eye right now, too embarrassed about needing someone to hold him. Like there’s something wrong with him for it. And you wiggle closer, resting your cheek on his chassis. See his arm lift, hand hovering but not touching and you grab his wrist and firmly drag his arm down to drape over you. “You don’t have to,” he murmurs, voice small. Like he thinks he’s bothering you and it makes you more determined to stay right where you are.

• “What am I doing? You’re warm and it’s freezing in here,” you reply, relaxing against him with a yawn. Pretending that you’re not trying to comfort him, trying to help. Servos hesitantly playing with your hair, he forces himself to relax. Willing to play along if he can feel your heart beating against him, grounding him in the reality that he’s not alone anymore. Doesn’t expect you to stay. No one ever does, but wants to hang on to this feeling until you get tired with him. Until he becomes too much of a burden.

• “Thank you,” he whispers and that almost breaks your heart. Like the fact that anyone might just actually want to reach out to him, to stay beside him is unthinkable to him. Makes you want to hunt down whoever put that thought into his head and beat some sense into them. Because this sweet bot is beginning to mean the world to you and you’re determined to protect him at any cost.

Previous

[hyuny-bunny]

seasons // series

part vii

summary: Minho is determined to be the one to win your heart.

warnings: sweat (?), panic attack symptoms (hyperventilating)

part vi • masterlist

"Hey, look at me," Jisung says as he grabs your face. You were beginning to hyperventilate after seeing the look on Minho's face.

"Jisung I-"

"Stop, just breathe, okay, close your eyes," He held your face as you focused on every breath count.

Why did the idea of these two crossing paths make you so anxious and uncomfortable? Minho had been around your ex's before, even going as far as trying to befriend them for your sake. So, why was this any different? After your heart rate began to level, Jisung pulled you into a hug rubbing your back soothingly as he called someone. It was only a few moments after, you picked up you head to see the puppy faced boy who was the 2nd person closest to you.

Seungmin took the seat on your on the side of you before ruffling your hair.

"What's wrong?" He asked sympathetically. Even his voice was enough to ground you in something.

You gave him the run down of saturday morning's argument with Minho, then going out and meeting Hyunjin, going home with Hyunjin, to now sitting outside the dance studio where the two have crossed paths.

Seungmin doesn't shame you or even scold you but he does lightly bump his fist to your head making you let out a strained laugh.

"Why are you so worried about this? Is Hyunjin a bad guy?"

"No... he's actually a really sweet guy, even for an alpha.."

"Okay, and how is this situation any different then when you were dating someone else?"

You stop for a moment thinking with pursed lips.

"I guess it's... not? I just... you didn't see the look on Minho's face, he looked like I had just murdered his cat."

"That's a bit extreme," Seungmin says with a chuckle as he fixes a strand of hair from your face. "Either way, who you sleep with or don't sleep, whether he knows or doesn't, is your choice and only you for you to judge. If you say he's a good guy, then trust yourself."

He was right. Why should you be so afraid of what Minho thought? As much as you valued his opinion as a friend, it was just as much you're right to sleep with whoever and whenever as you were single, not tied down to anyone. You lay your head on Seungmins shoulder for a moment.

"I should've told you everything yesterday but I knew you were busy with-"

"I am never too busy for you, okay? Call, text, send Jisung to my door with a message from you- actually don't do that I don't want him at my place," Seungmin says as his face scrunches in disgust at Jisung who sits next to you about to protest.

The two banter back and forth for a moment making you laugh, feeling lighter about everything. They keep you company until the others emerge from their dance class.

-

Jeongin yapped Hyunjin's ear off in those 10 minutes they had for a break as Felix shielded his face in hands. He could feel Minhos eyes throwing daggers at Hyunjin's head.

Hyunjin had learned in those 10 minutes that Minho and you had been friends since childhood, with Minho having had a crush on you long before you presented as an omega and him as an alpha. He couldn't help but wonder why the two of you didn't ever get together. As far as he could tell, the two of you seemed a likely match. While he did know Minho well enough to pass judgement, it was clear the Alpha had an affinity for taking care of the people around him, even if it was as simple as helping someone get a dance move down correctly or making sure no one was too worn down.

Even the bite in the way he joked was so similar to you, it was playful and harmless but could be taken very different if aimed at the right person. There was no denying how good looking he was either. From his build and stature despite not being very tall, there was an energy about him that asserted that dominance intentional or not.

Hyunjin had decided it was best to not let Minho on any further information about the nature of your relationship. If Minho wanted to know anything then he would have to ask you.

The class continued on for another hour, if Minho went back to his cool and collect facade for the remainder of class. Felix watched every movement for Minho waiting for the moment he snapped but he never did. Once the class was over, students trickled out slowly until it was just Jeongin, Hyunjin, Minho and Felix.

As much as it hurt Minho to do this, he couldn't deny the talent that Hyunjin had. The two exchanged numbers so they could work on a possible separate choreography to film. Hyunjin kept his cool so long as Minho did. As the four of them began to make their way to the door, Minho's stomach turned at the idea of facing you.

When he saw you sitting on that bench beside Jisung and Seungmin, it seemed to all melt away. You held out an electrolyte bottle to Minho who gleefully took it. Hyunjin trotted behind him with a smile on his face.

"I'd hug you but I'm soaked in sweat," Hyunjin said as he stood in front of you.

"Oh it's fine don't worry about it! So, uh, I'm guessing I don't have to introduce you two to each other?" You ask looking between Minho and Hyunjin.

"We're pretty well acquainted now," Minho says a bit stiff but Hyunjin just laughs. You attempt to change the topic.

"How come you didn't tell me you were a dance major?" You asked nervously looking between Minho and him.

"You never asked," Hyunjin shrugs as he drinks his water, "I'm not a dance major though."

Minho, Felix and Jeongin cock their head in confusion. He laughs at their reactions before speaking again, "I'm an illustratrative art major, painting is more my forte but dancing is my outlet."

Felix chimes in, "Was that tattoo your design then?"

"What tattoo?" You ask confused but Hyunjin just lets out a soft laugh as he nods to answer Felix's question.

Hyunjin puts his bag down to peel his shirt up revealing the rose tattoo the starts between his shoulder blades and trails down further beneath the fabric in vines and thorns. Unconsciously you reach out to touch it which makes Hyunjin shiver and takes everything in Minho to not rip your hand away.

"I didn't see this before," You murmur in awe of the space it takes up on his back.

"Kinda hard to with when you were preoccupied with other things," Hyunjin says with a wolfish grin as he pulls his shirt back on as he watches the flush creep onto your cheeks and watching you awkwardly laugh.

Minho clears his throat grabbing your wrist abruptly, "We should get going, have somewhere to be in a few but we'll see you guys on wednesday."

"Minho, we don't have anything-"

"Yes, we do, remember." He says through clenched teeth before continuing to drag you away from the group.

"Still on for Friday?" Hyunjin's calls out as he watches the Alphas drag you away.

"Yes!" You shout from over your shoulder as Minho throws his arm around your shoulder to keep you from looking back.

Hyunjin watches feeling satisfied by successfully getting under Minho's skin. He bids his goodbye to the others but before he does Felix runs up to him asking to exchange numbers, you know, incase co-captain things come up. Hyunjin is more than happy to exchange numbers with the pretty blonde omega as he bids goodbye for the last time.

-

"This is the urgent business you were talking about?" You ask sarcastically as you sit in the quiet boba shop booth with Minho across from you.

It was your normal hangout spot but it was also ritual for the two of you to come here every 1st day back of the new semester. It was a cat themed boba shop and it was truthfully one of Minho's favorite places to be, especially with you.

"Yes, they close at 8pm, I didn't want us to miss our chance... how were your classes today?" He asks looking up at you attempting to change the topic from his insistent ways of getting you as far away from Hyunjin as possible.

"Good, my professors are pretty nice. I'm writing my first novel this semester too."

"Will you read it to me when you're ready?" He asks.

"Of course, who else will I read it to?" He internally responds with a scowl at the thoughts of you reading it to Hyunjin.

The two of sit in a comfortable silence listening to the sounds of the people chattering around you.

"What are you doing with Hyunjin on Friday?" Minho is the first to speak up. Likely plotting how to disrupt those plans.

"Not too sure yet... How did you like him?" diverting the question back to Minho.

"Seems nice." He says shortly, unable to meet your gaze. He wouldn't admit that despite his flirty advances towards you, he liked him enough to consider him someone worth getting to know. You hum in acknowledgment. "The lunch you made me was good, thank you."

"You're welcome, nothing compares to your cooking but I try," You say as you stretch up in your seat feeling the exhaustion of the day wearing on you. Minho takes the signal and grabs both your belongings ready to head out.

The warm feeling that spread through your chest as you can't help feeling thankful how easy Minho picks up on your body language, almost better than you can. The drive to your apartment is quiet as the two of you talk about the coming day of other classes tomorrow.

"Oh that reminds me, Saturday night, are you free?" You perk up in your seat.

"I should be, something you want to do?"

"I promised Seungmin that we'd go to his nerdy film marathon, please come with me?" You ask jutting out your bottom lip, while giving him your best puppy eyes.

"Mmmmm what's in it for me?" Minho would say yes regardless but he wanted to see what you would say.

"I'll make your favorite cookies but... i'll make them into little cats." You say with a straight face.

"Deal." He mimics your face until he sees that smile on your face making his heart do a flip.

"Perfect, I'll see you tomorrow," You say quickly climb out of his car before he got a chance to say anything else.

He watches as walk off into your building waving back at him, meeting Hyunjin was like setting a fire under him. He was more determined than ever to get you to see him as someone who could be there for, love you, to be your mate. He would stop at nothing now to be the one that puts that smile on your face.

[lyinginbedmon]

Story time!

About a decade ago I sat down and tried to figure out what it meant that I was attracted to a trans dude friend of mine. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that attraction to him (and a host of other... "sample data") indicated I wasn't straight. Which meant something I'd blithely taken as writ for twenty years wasn't what I thought it was, so maybe there were other things I just hadn't put enough thought into?

As I began interrogating my gender identity, I didn't initially have much of a sense of "bad" feeling, as one might call dysphoria. So instead I focused on different adjustments and tweaks I could experiment with that made me feel "good" instead, sort of a pursuit of euphoria. The more I understood what I liked, the more keenly I began to understand what I didn't, which is to say I'd been ignoring dysphoria for decades just unthinkingly assuming it was the normal background noise of human life.

Anyways, I eventually came to the definition of "gender non-conforming" at one point or another, and hung on to that label for a fair while.

Then I got invited to a trans femme discord community, which I delighted in because I didn't get much interaction with other gender-diverse people at the time, but it was also nerve wracking.

Namely, because I didn't identify as trans femme, or nonbinary, or anything that the server seemed intent on hosting. I felt out of place, like an intruder, and I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable by being where I shouldn't be.

Long story short this anxiety got passed along to one of the server admins, who responded with what should probably have been a lot more obvious to me than it was at the time:

"Cis people generally don't pursue HRT"

so… how do you know if you’re really trans? i dunno if i am and if it’s true then im really scared to make the switch.

Psst, if your questioning if you're really trans you probably are trans. Explore gender non conformity, dress as opposite sex, do gender affirming stuff, see how it makes you feel.

[frillydolle]

hiiii !!! so i dont know if it was u who wrote an arthur x reader fic where reader wears their fathers glasses to read? im pretty sure it wasnt, but i thought of it as a good idea. so, what im asking is, would u be comfortable writing something with reader wearing glasses but instead of not seeing things near they don't see things far away. so they're going through life blurry and arthur notices because they keep bumping into things bc they have no sense of depth without their glasses. offers to make them an appointment for eye doctor and helps them choose the glasses and everything ? thought it would be cute (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

arthur morgan x blind female reader

꒰ 𝝑𓏲 ꒱ wearing my glasses right now as i write this :)

“sweetheart, 'm right here— no, 'm here—... y'alrigh'?”

“... i think so.”

that was probably the fourth time u have walked into something? no one else wasn't really sure why, but only because u didn't tell anyone. it was like a secret of urs that u have kept for a long while.

arthur was really the only man who knew u struggled with ur eyesight for as long as u can remember. shooting was a huge problem that u avoid as much as u could despite living in an outlaw gang, arthur would do best his best to help u, but it never went well. u couldn't even hit a bottle!

shooting was definitely not in ur skills. no matter the number of times that arthur willing helps u shoot a gun or help u aim better, nothing worked. u always still managed to shoot a tree or shoot at.. basically nothing, u always missed the three empty bottles he placed for u to gun at.

“mr morgan, i can't— i can't see that bottle, 's too far.”

“want me to bring it closer?”

of course he did. undeniably, he's always had a soft spot for you, but it's not like he'd admit anyone else in camp or you, especially. he treated u like a fragile girl, which u weren't too far from. having bad eyesight did make u feel more vulnerable and fragile, and arthur knew this. makes him just a little protective with you as he's often seen with his fingers intertwined with urs or his arm rests around ur waist. it gave yoy sense of safety and.. comfort.

sometimes the silly man might forget just how blind you really are:( he'd never mean to! he'd just be so so focused on something and he'd bring you with him and it just slips his mind simply!

“arthur, wait—!” you'd say as u try to catch up to his pace, ur hands slightly out just in case u fall. “oh, 'm sorry, sweetheart. 'm right 'ere.”

but now, he decided to help you, proper this time. the two of u are on his horse whike trotting away, your hands around his torso tightly incase you fall or anything like such. you had no idea where he was taking you though, his words being “'s a secret, but nothin' too big, y'know?” nonetheless, you were just glad that he out if camp, noticing how stressed he would be until his blue-green eyes would set on you:(

“... saint denis? what do you have planned, arthur?” you say with a small giggle, looking at him while he's looking straight onto the road in front of him. “jus' a nice day out. you 'n' me.” he replied. huh. a nice day out. just a day out. but days were him were never often that simple, usually ended with someone recognising from blackwater or another robbery, or you talking him out of beating a man for making you uncomfortable. you thanked him regardless, making sure you're safe and well.

then he hitches off his hourse, you follow suit...the doctor's office? what was he doing here? i mean, he's fine, right? you're fine too except your eyesight, of course. wait, was he—

“c'mon, darlin'. yer fine, i promise ya.” he says as he sticks his arm to you, waiting for you to hold his arm before walking into the building. he knew you were slightly anxious about it, but he was willing to help you in any way he could.

a man like him... blood on his hands, lives taken because of him, rough and callous from hard work, a man like him with all bite and bark like a violent dog. that man bring a sweet girl like you to the doctor's office to get you sorted out with a new pair of glasses. ♡

[timkontheunsure]

Ozzie's not perfect but that so good 😊

Intersectionality of classism, racism and ableism

Ozzie's a pretty lovable carebear of a sin, it's honestly great seeing the nuisance this guy gets in the writing. I love seeing a nice bloke who is a little bit classist, racist and ableist; because these are traits anyone can have.

Like how Stolas' and Millie's are there for character development, so is Ozzie's. 🙂

And none of these things feel like they'll be unsormaounable for Fizz and Ozzie.

Classism

Alot of foke have asked if Fizz gets to be mad that Ozzie didn't try very hard to save his best friend. And well yer he probably will be mad in s3.

He begged his partner to keep his best friend safe, he gets to be mad. Doesn't matter if Ozzie thought he had a good reason to not do so, like keep his head down to try to keep Fizz safe; Fizz can be mad for not being listened to.

But that's not the only thing Ozzie got coming due, and means we'll get some really interesting stuff.

Ok you know how Stolas is only just started to understand how his being born in a position of privilege has affected his a Blitz's relationship? And that alot of the things he did wrong weren't out malice, but from unthinking ignorant?

Well Fizz & Ozzie's power dinamic is worse, because he's 1 of the 7 actually responsible for settling up a lot of that cast system...

And while Stolas got a bit of a mixed bag with his privilege. Never having to think about money, and given housing for himself and his kid. But also getting almost no choice in his life, and being forced into an abusive marriage.

Ozzie by contrast has it all good. His big day to day headaches being his own safety record on vibes. And his own reputation making him want to try to keep a loving relationship on the down low. (His own fault).

His basis maybe unthinking, but he's not actually ignorant of the way hell works for imps.

They've been dealing the extremely class divided by pretending it doesn't exist; leaving any fallout for Fizz to deal with alone.

Like how till recently him and Fizz were in the closet. Something Ozzie felt so uncomfortable about, he outed another royal/imp couple to shove under the bus to help them hide better. His wanting them safe isn't from a bad place, but his actions aren't clean.

Fizz was happy attacking Blitz, someone he believes hurt him out of spite. But Ozzie's the one who physically drags Stolas in, mocks him for slumming with an imp, then take the piss for lossing his wife and kid.

It really isn't a compliment when someone says "You sold your life for a thrust" and to "Pretend you don't see that crust", and equates their downfall to dating an imp. That's mockery.

I'm glad Blitz got to push back a little with when it's proven Fizzmodeus have a romantic relationship. Cus yep they are massive fucking hypocrites.

Even with harassing Moxxie for singing a love song to Millie, it's not Ozzie that takes the heat. It's Fizz.

Ozzie's need to hid them, is directly the reason to tell Moxxie off for the love song, because he's pretending love and lust can't coexist. And Millie wouldn't bonk Fizz over the head he'd if they didn't interrupt her husbands song.

The need to hid, to keep Ozzie's reputation, stops Oz from being aloud to be visibly too pissed at M&M.

Ok that the lightest fallout that Fizz takes from them not dealing with the power imbalance. But cus of staying closeted Fizz gets kidnapped, and nearly killed to keep 'their' secret.

Then attacked by stalkers cus Ozzie can't be seen caring about him;

(Making every other year of the clown pageant something Fizz must face solo).

All for Ozzie to out them both without checking Fizz ok with it first. Stopping Mammon blackmailing him, like Crim did.

So a good action, but it's acting unilaterally for both sides of the couple without any planning ahead. (Ozzie's is the biggest himmo).

Telling everyone he loves Fizz comes from a good place, but it's stepping on a boundary without checking it. When any possible backlash will likely to fall again on Fizz, not Ozzie.

But it's not the only boundary of Fizz's Ozzie's over stepping for a while.

Racism

Ozzie a pretty risk adverse guy, but also doesn't have a cool head in crisis.

This makes him less likely to stand up for what's right, untill he's back into a corner. (Making some of the stuff he do to get out of a bad situation abit of a shit show).

Ozzie's of a both chicken, and also a little bit of a cock lol. (Viv did well with making him a cockerel).

He doesn't yet want to stick his neck out for people he really should be. But is happy to tag in when Bee says Blitz is a good guy. Even though he owns Blitz for saving Fizz twice, and Stolas stopping him himmoing into getting Fizz killed.

In comparison Bee and Tex's relationship isn't a secret. All the Sins know, and basically every hellhound knows. Both their communities know they are in a stable loving relationship.

She stands up for her man to Mammon. And even non verbally tells Ozzie to back off, that it's her fight.

She doesn't need it to be a life or death situation to tell people to feck off if they don't like it.

Bee is willing to give Blitz a chance, and speaks up for him first. Ozzie's more of a tagalog. He does speak up for Blitz, a guy he has much more reason to want to help; but only after Bee.

And then doesn't do more even though IMP are legally under his jurisdiction. And his partner begs him to. (There's a good chance Ozzie could have told Satan to back off, and it'd have worked. But Ozzie isn't a planner in a fast situation).

Even though he knows that Blitz will die at the hands of a corrupt racist political system without someone stepping in.

Ozzie even has the neve to look a bit put out when Blitz calls him and the other Sins on their shit. "All I was trying to do was raise above this stupid fucking place YOU ALL FORCED US INTO!"

Doesn't Blitz know he's one of the 'good ones'?

But Oz is just not a strong person yet, and honestly think this might be something he eventually gels with Stolas over. Learning to be less passive.

But with them out Ozzie is able to tell Ma to do one for being rude about Fizz. Yay! 😁 He's becoming more free in what he can do. Love that characters development.

Ableism

And while taking about Stolas we can highlight the last character flaw Ozzie has, that's not immediate obviously.

Ok I actually think making the loving, and supportive partner to the physical disabled guy just a bit ableist too is A+ writing. 🙂

Ozzie has a pretty big problem with Stolas. (I'm going to need a thesaurus for all the ways Ozzie is a mardy over Stolas being autistic).

He gets arsy when Stolas doesn't take the chair he draw out.

Gets pissed when he's get a real answer to if he's "Still gettin' yo' kink on with that feisty imp?" Not treated as the verbal wallpaper it was. And treating Blitz like all he can be is a race kink.

Assumes the worse intentions of Stolas by suggested he's after date rape drugs. (Going chalk this up as ableist thing too, as assuming the worst in autistic people cus they're weird is really common).

Is creped out by Stolas stimming, and angry at Stolas being excited to help with his special interest.

Is annoyed that Stolas stops him signing a contract to have Fizz decapitated. (Ozzie's just really isn't a planner. No wonder Fizz does all that for him day to day. 🙂 They work well together).

Then sets Stolas on fire for making him a speedy viable contract, because the lawyer is slow.

And after Fizz is safe and sound at home, Ozzie complains that he got stuck all day with Stolas, and bragged how refused to help Blitz... (He's being unthinkingly ungrateful here, because he's used to getting things as he's top of the heap).

Some neurotypicallys really do just hate you on sight for missing social cues, and Ozzie is being that guy.

He can't even hide how much he dislikes Stolas while Stolas busy doing the thing Fizz asked him to do.

(Ozzie, you contempt is showing again bud).

This is all ableism, because the underlying message 'Why don't you just get it, and read my mind for me?! Why do I have to make allowances for your disability, and communicate what I want clearly. It's your fault I'm mildly inconvenients'.

Ok getting back to Fizz, because how he treats Stolas, leads into his attitude around Fizz's care.

Ozzie does a common mistake that all carers will do at somepoint. He reduces the ability of the disabled person to be autonomous. And he does this primarily for safety; but it's also out of a paternalistic view that he knows best.

(He's older, has more experience, more powerful; surely he can't get this wrong right?)

When Fizz has a knock to his confidence about being out and about by himself, Fizz is being hyperbolic about hating going outside. And Ozzie over corrects tells him he never had to do that again.

And Fizz's face drops.

It's infantilizing him, by removing some of his choices. He does this again when he goes behind Fizz's back to ask Blitz to bodyguard him.

Things can be done for a place of love, and still be removing someone's autonomy. Yes without Blitz there Fizz wouldn't have had the strength to tell Mammon to fuck off, but thinks can be both good and bad.

(Honestly I could probably have written 'things can be both good and bad' with pics of Ozzie doing shit, and call it a day 4 drafts ago)....

This has happened with me and every disabled person I know. Fizz needs to talk with Ozzie and redraw boundaries. They'll have to do this after each situation comes up.

Like Ozzie really wasn't happy with Fizz going out alone at the start of Opps. But they compromised on having his phone on him, and a driver giving him a lift.

With Fizz is no longer working for Mammon, and that their relationship is public arguably there's less immediate danger now.

But it's the intersectionality that's making it hard for Fizz to start that conversation. He's not just a imp dating a royal, he's a disabled imp who's prosthetics are gifted and maintained by Oz, dating a Sin who was instrumental in putting his whole race near the bottom of the ladder....

Fizz is likely going to need Blitz and Stolas' input to feel comfortable redrawing those tightening boundaries.

It's the reason he feels like he does have to apologise for getting hurt and kidnapped.

(Ozzie did great reminding Fizz he doesn't have to apologise here).

Alright cards on the table when I've had to tell my SO/carer to back off, it's always started by talking to a friend outside our dinamic. And that healthy. You get a different view, your able to sanity check what you want Vs what practical. And it gives you backup.

Making a conversation more likely to be constructive not destructive.

Because this is only insurmountable if they don't try and climb it together.

[erinwantstowrite]

I want your opinion, so I have a tiktok account where I frequently make videos about LoF and other marvel/dc related content (@tonystarkstwin) and I recently made a video saying jaytim was weird, basically it was a parody of the sound from frozen “i mean it’s crazy, what! we finish each others… sandwiches! …the fuck” and i made it like “i mean it’s crazy we both ship tim with a noncannon ship, yeah! jason, the fuck?” watch the video idk if that makes sense 😭

anyway i have gotten a few comments saying that i “need to respect fandom spaces” and if don’t like something, i shouldn’t make post about it

which i would agree with if i was hating on an individual creator, or a specific fic, or a ship that ya know, wasn’t insect?? but i wasn’t doing that

but also i wanted your opinion because you have talked about batcest and fandom spaces before and i want to know if i was in the wrong for just making a silly video…

i saw that post!! i completely agree with you. and those comments can go to hell <3

in all seriousness, you did nothing wrong. you have every right to talk about your opinion on something. you didn't call out anyone specific, you just said your opinion. you weren't calling for censorship, you were calling out how insane that is. you can go and say over and over again how disgusting, vile, disturbing, nasty, and downright horrific shipping an incest ship is, and how people who do ship it are unwelcome on your page because they are illiterate fucks with no prospects in life that will never know the love of another human being without perverting that relationship, and who will die lonely deaths, rotting in their casket and stinking that up as much as they stink up their everyday lives.

they have the right to block you and continue being delusional shit stains (and i'm talking the kind of people who, if they were rats, would carry the plague). and YOU have every right to make them uncomfortable with being in YOUR space. they obviously have no concept of boundaries or human interaction, so don't worry if they miss the message as much as they miss the meaning of a platonic or familial bond, they'll probably be so incensed that you dared to have a brain in your skull that wasn't made of styrofoam that they'll comment on your page. they'll show you who they are and you can block them.

remember folks: you have every right to speak your opinion as long as you are not harassing anyone individually or asking for censorship of a platform (because censorship will eventually lead to harming us, too). and if they're so mad about that, they can block you, just like they seem to block out the little voice in their heads that tells them they know what they're doing is weird, which causes them to lash out at other people instead of taking accountability and going to therapy.

no, you do not have to make space for pedophiles or incestuous, nauseating freaks.

we are representing ourselves and our fandom spaces every time we make a post, comment, etc. which is why it's important that we make it known that THIS is not their space, and they do not represent us.

if we made way every time people like this told us to, so that WE didn't make THEM uncomfortable, then we wouldn't be here at all. personally, i don't give a flying fuck if i make them uncomfortable or sad or angry. the argument "it's just fictional characters" doesn't work for me, because the media we consume reflects our reality

[flesh-of-a-hare]

poppy playtime oc/self insert bc i have no self control and i draw to anti-cope (oc info n shit below the cut)

their name is Baseball and they r a silk moth version of a discontinued line of smiling critters that were going to be based off of bugs. they were a little older/more mature than the average kid who got taken and read the most stories out of all the other kids so they r safe haven's designated storyteller. on good days they reenact the stories they can remember or make new ones up, on bad days they use their claws to climb up the walls to hide out in a corner of the ceiling so they don't spread their bad mood to the others. the one person they have any amount of respect for/listen to is Doey and the two make an effort to cheer one another up when they notice the other is in a bad mood.

the face they have here is actually a mask, bc when they were being made they came out scarier than intended- too scary for a kids toy, so they were fitted with a mask/ balaclava so they wouldn't scare the others. their name comes from the stitching on the mask looking, y'know. like a baseball.

they r covered in fluff so the sweater it looks like they r wearing is just fur lmao. they are soft and fluffy and make for good hugs and are more emotionally mature than most of the other kids in safe haven, so they are also the designated hugger whenever one of them needs to cry/be held (especially if Doey isn't around)

on especially bad days, they will randomly decide to venture out of safe haven to wander/find supplies. Doey hates it when they do this bc they never tell anyone when they're leaving and even though they are one of the more nimble/sneaky members of haven, they have gotten themselves in bad spots more than once. they don't talk about why they do these random 'supply runs'. the truth is uncomfortable, and neither wants to acknowledge what the other knows they r thinking. Doey does get mad and will give them a lecture if they do something especially stupid but he knows they hate it when he gets loud so most times he just gives them a lot of angry looks until they apologize

they do not like Poppy and will actively make fun of her in childish ways whenever they hear her talking lmao. they don't trust the Player and will spend any time around them just. staring at them in silence. its mostly awkward but also slightly terrifying. they hate the doctor more than they are scared of him, and spend a lot of time thinking about all the things they would do to pay him back for all the harm he's done. when he is gone, they feel strangely sad about it. they almost miss him, maybe only because it was easier when they had someone to hate and blame for everything. they curl up in a corner of what's left of safe haven and try to daydream their way out of the real world.

[anxiousapplepie]

hmmm. went back to look at isat-in-rk-colors post, and noticed something- they didnt have their hats :0 but it makes a bit more sense the more rk lore we get, so..

since hair color is so important in rose society, what do the roses think about hats or hair coverings? more specifically, those who wear one most or all of the time? is it just kinda.. unfathomable to want to obstruct others' view of your hair? i kinda assume so, and i also kinda assume that dragons do not have the same view on hats as roses due to all being Green. and ik we've seen lapis with her hood up a couple times but she's human and does not accurately reflect rose-society-typical standards, nor does she care XD

(ps; rk!siffrin is multicolored black and white possibly even pulling a jim and faking being only one at the start of the journey- probably black- but this is just my hc, which is so funny to me. do all of his stats just end up average since white and black roses are good at entirely separate things-)

If anyone (especially a Rose) tries covering their head or hiding their hair, it's seen as deeply suspicious. Most will ignore you on principle (as the Roses value secrecy and will do anything to make sure confidence isn't broken, even for strangers if the right signs are being broadcasted) but it will make everyone extremely uncomfortable if a Rose hides their hair with clothing. And shaving your hair completely is something INCREDIBLY taboo. Dragons don't care if you wear a hat or a hood. As long as you're not hiding your raw strength or on purposefully making yourself look weaker they won't give you a second glance. (Hahahaaaa let's just say RK!Siffrin doesn't use hairdye. Or didn't at first. *coughs in Bug* Siffrin's stat's are very average, but it's not a stable average >:3)

(You can thank their twin for that!)

[teruwasright]

Sighh wondering if any of my moots would wanna be friends maybe??

Or anyone really I don't mind-

Yall probably already know I really like Teru so maybe some other interests of mine??

I like hsr, gi, infinity nikki, hxh, I've been watching spyxfamily as well- hi3, idv to name a few- i also do art and doll repaints and ofc my biggest interest is tbhk but I have some others- you can call me cherry or Liz (or continue calling me "teruwasright" I don't mind anything) and I'm 18 (just in case some are uncomfortable talking to someone older) and I like pink...?????(my fav color is red tho-)

Idk I wanna make friends and maybe some of my moots would be interested?

I promise I'm very chill and I really just want more people to talk to about Teru (or anything really) so I wanna try putting myself out there more-

[unluckywisher]

If this is totally outside your realm of comfort to write then that's cool but I figured there's no harm in shooting my shot. Your small chested reader with Caleb piece was delightful, and I was wondering 👉👈Might you consider writing a little something about a trans reader who's dealing with chest dysphoria?

While this isn't my field of expertise, I would love for my fics to comfort all kinds of people so I shall try my best!!! <3 🫡 Constructive criticism is appreciated since this is my first time writing this kind of stuff!! :D

Caleb was the first person you told about your transition, both because you consider him your closest friend, and because you knew he would support you. And he does!

At first he didn't know much about what he should do or how he should act, but being the resourceful man he is, he immediately looked into it so he could be as supportive as possible and anticipate any needs you might have.

Of course one of the first things he learnt about was how you could feel uncomfortable and insecure of your own body. Not on his watch.

Prepare to receive lots of binders in different styles because he just has to make sure you're comfortable and you look how you want to look. All the while saying and reassuring that you don't need these to be a man, you already are, but he figured you would appreciate them.

He would show you his favorite clothing stores and encourage any and all styles you might want to try, trying to be objective with you so you'd know he means it if he says that you look how a guy would look, without being condescending.

If you keep tugging at your shirt or wearing baggy clothes because you're not comfortable with your body yet, he will just. Take your hand and make you feel how big his chest is. He'll joke about how he might need to wear a binder too by your standards.

He'll invite you to go exercising with him and encourage you to wear tighter sports clothes, biggest hype man there ever was.

"You keep complainin' about your chest but I only see it getting flatter and mine getting bigger. I think I'm absorbing your energy and getting more powerful." And such memery aplenty.

Insists that the human body isn't even that representative of anyone. He uses Viper as an example. Then he uses his arm as an example. Then he worries a lot that you'll take it as an idea and go to Professor Lucius to get your body modified.

No even a question but he would pay for any surgery you'd want to have, if you want to have it, and get actually good doctors.

[killerzys]

Should probably post this on my venting account..oh well

[DO NOT ATTACK ANYONE THAT WAS MENTIONED]

Tw mentioning of cutting, say kill yourself, and F1zzyst4r

Please don't center me around this drama I'm not the one who needs the support Wenni is they have been a victim of F1zzyst4r for a year now I just want to simply explain.. how this has affected me.. but please show some support to Wenni and not me

More in the undercut

So there has been a lot on my mind been gone a few days so it feels a little bit more clearer

I do not want to meet the situation about me since I'm not the one who's being harassed Wenni has and I don't want to make the situation about me even though I am also being affected by it. Just not the way Wenni has been, that's why I have been scared to talk about how I'm feeling about Skittles.. and everything but uhh just because I don't want to make it about me I'm not the let's say main victim.. yes I have been harassed I don't know if was one of skittle's friends that told me this in my ask box but someone recently told me to kill myself and it threw me off

And for a while I felt forced to be friends with him (Skittles) I texted him before I blocked him that hey I felt forced to be your friend and it's making me uncomfortable.. I didn't say this part but the tracing also made me uncomfortable.. especially when it was clear that you copied someone else's design and is tracing someone else's art without credit or say oh yeah I make expired by this person inspiration, and now don't come attack me and say oh there's a few times that you didn't credit someone but as soon as someone say hey by the way maybe credit the person that gives you inspiration you @ them and I have I go back and edit pic or post and @ the person there is just sometimes where I get so excited that I forget but Skittles even after being called out and you're saying hey dude by the way maybe just give credit to the person that you take inspiration from Skittles is like erm actually they're tracing me!!

That's my point of view of how I see it and those other parts but I don't want to make this really long and boring to read

But I just mainly wanted to say how I've been infected by everything, after becoming friends with Skittles I thought they were kind and sweet they were to me but that's before I knew the full drama I did follow wenni on Pinterest for a while and seen little glimpse here and there last time I seen before I became friends with Skittles is that Wenni and Skittles were on good terms.. so I thought it was all right to be his friend, this whole friendship started because I made my old reference sheet of nighty, based off of on of wenni's old ref.. Skittles was like hey by the way maybe not copy me and I simply told them that I took inspiration from someone else that I didn't even know they were on the board, we became friends on Tumblr and talked, then I started getting targeted not targeted that's not the right word to say involved in drama that simply I was just watching from behind.. never had any attention to get involved with any of the drama but with my luck I somehow got into it because I was friends with Skittles.. I'm no longer friends with him and I feel free I feel safer now but I keep seeing the excuse of like his friends in my inbox "he made art for you and everything, he thought you guys were friends" just because you simply made art for me doesn't really mean anything I'm sorry? Like I make art for a lot of people doesn't mean I'm their friend I just think whatever OC or design I did was really neat and I wanted to draw it myself.. in the friend part I did see each other as friends but we never really communicated like we were friends.. we would talk to each other about the drama and I remember at some point I said whoever is tracing needs to own up to it now so this drama could be over and no one can get hurt or go through more mental health problems... But it seems that he didn't take that advice but oh well but other than talking about the drama and stuff we vented it to each other, there were a few funny moments but it's wasn't really friends? It was like that one buddy you see crossing the hall and you talk for a minute before going back to your class and then you don't see them for the rest of the year that's how it felt and before everything that happened I will admit I had a tad of a crush on Skittles but over time it started affecting me not in the greatest way... And I just lost all feelings when I got with my partner... And then at some point he would call me dear or something ? And sweetheart saying I'm sorry I think someone hacked my account acting all flirty with me which made me uncomfortable...

But besides that uhh he has now decided to text my mutuals or get his friends to do it I believe he's doing it because they are all anonymous and him or he got his friend to send something one of my mutuals inbox say hi by the way uhh river faked being friends with Skittles like a few times something something quite frankly I don't think you should be mutuals with them no more

Ok ok Skittles I see I see going to my mutuals telling them, that they should stop being friends with me because I stopped being friends with you because you're traced someone's art and copied many people's designs and when I tell you that I felt forced to be your friend and felt so uncomfortable and I unfollowed you which is a valid reason saying that I was uncomfortable and blocking you you're going to resort to going to my mutuals and basically harass them saying you should stop being friends with River, river is a bad friend you shouldn't be friends with them

Okay buddy like what? I've been trying to stay serious but the more I text this sentence the more I'm getting mad and the more I'm realizing the red flags that I should have realized from before... Honestly Skittles I hope you get help I hope you get therapy or something I'm not going to wish upon your death because honestly that's against what I believe which is nothing but like I don't believe in telling people they should kill themselves just because of certain actions I feel like they should get help now let's say if you were a pedophile now I would say kill yourself but does drama could have been resolved a long time ago if you just figured out your own art style who you are and stop copying someone to the point of copying that Wenni saying you have anger issues and trust issues ?

Wet Skittles I do wish that you get some therapy help mental help hell go to a mental asylum I don't care get help...

Now onto more stuff that like other things I've been thinking about

So basically going to my friends and harassing them

Having people go in my inbox harassing me saying like why did you stop being friends with Skittle kill yourself

It feels like you're using the fact that I used to have a crush on you against me and saying that we were friends because sometimes we made art for each other?

That's really it? Uh yeah I don't know this entire situation has just had me stressed about everything.. to the point where I'm having a hard time even drawing.. communicating with people talking and everything...it's really unbearable.. a few days ago I lost my streak .. because of this. The stress got so much that I took it out on myself I was almost 2-3 month clean..

[fearoftheminotaur]

How not to take accountability

Lately this callout for genderqueerdykes aka equinox has been going around. tl;dr, a blatant terf sent a rambling ask about how trans women are privileged for their genitals, and equinox responded with a rant about toxic masculinity and the kinks held by an ex who accused it of SA.

I don't know the scope of how influential this user is, or how much its follower base is going to be affected by this mask-off moment, but the short-term reaction from equinox has been to bury the post under new content, delete the original, and say that it was wrong and want to grow from its mistake.

The lack of any overt response, clarity on its point of view both before and after the negative reception to the post, or even acknowledgment of the rhetoric in the original ask, makes me think that it has no actual intention of taking real accountability, and that it wants as many people as possible to come away from that post agreeing with it. Just my opinion. But I want to highlight this part specifically, as just in-general useless garbage for anyone's circumstances.

"being informed that what I said hurt people was all I needed... so I stopped it"

That is not how this works! Sometimes saying something that is true and useful involves hurting the feelings of people who are upholding injustices. Sometimes it even involves hurting the feelings of well-intentioned people who did nothing wrong, because you can be emotionally invested in a wrong idea!

It said, about this terf in its inbox, "they are genuinely right and it doesn't matter how much it bothers you", and "these are hard pills to swallow". It knows that hurting someone is not a good enough reason to take something back; the reason you should take something like this back is it is misinformation and libel. Yes, when you make post you regret, it is completely fair to apologize for the harm that it caused. The stereotypes that you amplified, the trust that you broke, even the ways it went against your intentions are an understandable topic. But saying that you wanted to 'stop' (no idea what it even means by it stopped - because it deleted the post, thanked the people criticizing it, and gave a non-apology?), because you hurt people; that's just not a good enough reason, especially when it knew people were going to get hurt by the post before it even made it.

This is not responsible; it's only a step above "I'm sorry that you felt that way" because at least genderqueerdykes acknowledges its agency in causing harm. But by not acknowledging that its post was not just hurtful, but harmful, transmisogynistic, and wrong - and not being able to articulate an actual argument for that (which hey, if anyone reading this wants some of my thoughts on why the original post was wrong, or even just my thoughts on one specific point of it, the ask box and dms are open), means that:

anyone who saw the original post and advocated for it, agreed with it, or was influenced by it, has no real reason to move the other way. Even if they see the "retraction", it will come off that equinox had to take its post down because the "woke tgirl mob" complained too much, and not that there was actual merit to disavowing it.

I think if you asked most of the people in genderqueerdykes' posting circle, they'd say that uncomfortable conversations are needed, so this "I don't want to offend anyone" behavior just comes off as dodging an argument that it can't win, because it's only sorry that it got caught.

Maybe I'm overthinking this, maybe there's some context where ostensibly molding your online presence to whatever won't be hurtful to your followers is the best thing you can do as a public figure, or even in your interpersonal life. But I'd need a real good argument to the effect that a) this can actually address or stop the harm, and b) the intentions here are in any way coherent.

[shatcey]

༺ ƇꓴƬƸ ƓⱤꓴ𐒄ꝒƳ Ƈ𐤠Ƭ༻

Part 1 ~~~ Part2 ~~~ Part3

It was unexpected. I didn't plan on writing this, but the scene popped into my head so well that I decided to write it. It's just jokes and teasing. I'm not particularly happy with the voices of the characters. But… this is the best I could do in such a short period of time. I hope the next part will sound much better. Kate/Alfons/Victor. Around 1300 words.

ALFONS!!!

I stand in the parlor and think about what else I can do if he doesn't show up. I really need his advice. More than anyone else. But lately he's been playing hide and seek with me more often. And I'm definitely losing.

It all started a few days ago when Ally unexpectedly dropped that Victor's birthday is nearby. He didn't mean anything by it… just some random thought of his. But I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. Victor has done so much for me and the whole Crown, and I really want to give him the best gift. But… what can I give him that he can't get on his own? What makes him happy at all?

I thought about it over and over again and realized that I needed help. So… I decided to ask Ally. But… he suddenly disappeared. He likes to play this game from time to time. But it's usually not that hard to find. It feels like he's deliberately hiding from me. Odd…

The voice of my beloved brings me back to the real world.

Could you stop doing that?

I turned to him and was surprised to see that he was extremely serious. Not typical at all.

What?

Shouting my name throughout the castle.

I blink in surprise.

Why? It's more effective than running around looking for you.

Are you so sure I'll come to you next time?

I don’t know. But you did it… several times already…

He took a deep breath and sank into the nearest chair. I moved closer to him.

I need your help with…

No!

Hey! I haven't even finished.

No, I'm not going to help you find a present for Victor.

How does he know? I wasn't talking in my sleep, was I?

Why not?

You really don't understand?

What?

With an exaggerated sigh, he got up, went to the bar and poured two glasses of alcohol, muttering to himself.

How did I manage to get stuck with you of all people?

I showed the wonders of acute hearing.

You are lucky.

He turned to me with two glasses in his hands and, meeting my gaze, raised an eyebrow.

Not a hint of sarcasm.

Why should it be sarcasm?

He smirked and held out his hand with the glass in a silent offer. I take it without any questions.

Don't you think we should discuss something that's going to happen… before Victor's birthday?

Hah?

Alfons sits down in a chair and pats his knee in an inviting gesture. I completely ignore this and take another chair.

Really? How could the woman forgotten about Valentine's Day?

Oh, right… I've never had anyone I could be with…

Well, I have now! So… do you have any plans?

In fact, I do.

Aaaaaah…. Then there's nothing to discuss.

Back to Vivi!

You don't know when to stop, do you?

You knew that from the beginning.

Unbelievable…

Ally shook his head exaggeratedly. Oh, my drama queen! I took this as a sign to continue.

I've been thinking about it for a long time… and I couldn't think of anything special. So I need your very versatile brain.

Excuse me?

It was a compliment.

Alfons opened his mouth to say something...

I was thinking about how busy he is.…

Well… he's the queen's aid. Of course he's busy. I don't envy him.

So… maybe we could ask the Queen to give him a day off?

Blank expression.

Really?

Well… a day off is a good start, isn't it? He'll be happy.

He takes a sip and looks at me with a strange mixture of pity and adoration.

Do you really think you can meet the queen on a whim? And besides… I highly doubt she'll grant your wish…

Oh…

He's right. It's not that simple. I should have thought of this much earlier. Even if I ask William for help.… No, I will never ask him. I still feel uncomfortable around him… Those eyes… no! Don't think about the eyes!!!

Oh, my cute Alfons and my cute Robin. Have you discussed me?

I jump at the sound of such a familiar voice, as if my thoughts about him summoned this very person. I scream reflexively:

NO!

Alfons snorted and took a long drink from his glass.

I came to my senses, cleared my throat and answered calmly.

We discussed… I almost said St. Patrick's Day... no, it's too early for that... Valentine's day.

Awww… I love St. Patrick's Day!

So am I! It's so bright and fun.

Victor and I smile happily at each other.

You haven't forgotten that I'm standing next to you, have you?

I turn my gaze to my lover and smile reassuringly.

Of course not, Ally. How could I?

I definitely forgot. How could I forget? His eyes are to blame… they seem to hypnotize, attract all my attention. I can't help myself. Victor looks at Alfons and smiles to himself, as if made up with something.

Valentine's Day, you say… Could you include me in your plans?

Victor smiles radiantly, as if it's perfectly normal to interfere with dates. I don't remember him ever being that… tactless.

Absolutely not. It's a lovers day.

I don't think it's a good idea either… but if we spent some time together, maybe it would give me some clues.…

But that would be so lovely… We could bake something together and…

No, really…. you two are something else!

Well, thank you.

Awww, it’s so sweet of you to say…

…Unbelievable…

He put the empty glass on the table and leaned back in his chair, as if saying that he was not going to continue this conversation.

So… What plans do you have in mind?

I don't know. Ally didn't tell me about them…

But my words made him change his mind. With a note irritation in his voice, he said

Are you seriously considering including him to our Valentine's date?

Aaaaa…

Why? No, really... I don't understand how… What have I done in my life to deserve you?

You’re so sweet…

 It wasn't a…

Awwww… I can endlessly look at these chirping lovebirds.

We answered at the same time.

He's not a bird. He's a cat!

She's not a bird. She's a cat!

Pause. Alfons and I look at each other.

I'm not a cat!

You most definitely are.

Of course you are, my dear.

I look from one smiling face to the other and growl angrily.

You've got to be kidding!

Such an adorable grumpy cat… I really like ruffling your fur.

Victor reached out to tousle my hair, but Ally stopped him in his tracks.

Vivi!

And when she looks so angry… this is a sign that you need to tease her even more.

Alfons!

Not Ally?

No. Alfons.

Oh… she IS angry.

So cute…

Alfons tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. His touch was no lighter than a feather, but it didn't have the usual effect on me.

How peculiar. You look like you're about to start biting.

You understand cats so well…

Oh, now you admit it?

I'm not a cat! Damn you!

Why are they doing this to me? I'm not a cat. Nothing alike!

I hate! Both of you!

I turn around and run away from these terrible men

As soon as she was out of earshot, Victor's ever present smile disappeared. His eyes are darkening, as if the last specks of light have been absorbed into them, and even his face looks sharper than usual. Alfons smirk at this metamorphosis.

So… what did she suggest?

Nothing. She has no idea, so she asked me.

Victor smiles tenderly and adds barely audibly

...Cute...

Don't you think you could help her?

Why? I'm a real villain…

Besides...

You don't want her to become even more interested in me, do you?

Alfons didn't answer deep in thought.

These two will be the death of mine. In a more sense than one.

Part 1 ~~~ Part2 ~~~ Part3

dividers by thecutestgrotto

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🔝 𝕊𝕋𝔸ℝ𝕋 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼 🔝

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[zepskies]

Ooh I'm excited to get into more Shaw drama! (I still need to read those books. 🤔)

Ahh so him wanting to solve his father's murder is what drove him to distance himself from his wife and kids, in order to help him reconcile with Colter. It does make sense, even if it is heartbreaking.

“What about your mother?” Russell let out an exhaustive sigh that was half amused. “Geez, you haven’t changed a bit. You still ask the most uncomfortable questions possible.”

lmfao she really does! I was literally just wondering about how he views his mom in all of this. She literally let Colter believe Russell had something to do with Ashton's fall, and then basically told him to get gone. What kind of mother does that? She seems very suss in all of this.

“Ha-ha, funny. Fuck you,” you huffed and tossed Russ the walkie-talkie. He caught it with one hand. His boyish grin widened as he pushed the button. “You know, Drone-5, you could’ve told me you were actually working this thing.”

LMAO. I don't know who Manny is, but I already love him! 😂 And I'm even more intrigued by the hints of Russell Family Trauma mixed in with the family mystery, piecing together the puzzle of his mom along with his father's killer...

“It’s lasagna,” Russell said simply, grabbed a fork from the drawer, and dove right in.

Very on brand that Russ shares a Dean-level love of food. 😆

“Listen, things were obviously a little complicated between me and her the last few years,” Russell (under)stated. “But I’ve brought you here for a reason, okay? Figured it’s time you meet your sister-in-law.”

LOL God, Russell isn't good at this, is he? It's tough to say which one of the Shaw boys got more childhood related trauma affecting their ability to communicate, let alone be emotionally available. 😭

Russell inhaled deeply, nodding. “I knew she was pregnant. When she told me back then, I-…” He paused, licking his lips. It wasn’t something he had ever talked about with anyone before – not even you. “Well, shortly after that, I had a breakdown and I-… I almost hurt her.” He choked on the words, fighting the sting in his eyes.

Oh my God, Russ... I wasn't expecting you to take it there, but it's an understandable consequence of his PSTD, especially for him as a soldier. It also explains why she picked up Lewis and left him to pull himself together.

“No, I told you. I don’t,” Russell repeated, and while he didn’t know everything, he omitted that he knew something.

Ooh again with those lies of omission...

“Well, you were a kid,” Russell said and hoped it would curb the blow slightly, although he knew better than that. “He always took something as far back as I can remember. She used to prepare his pills every evening after you and Dory went to bed. But when we moved to the cabin, he started refusing to take them. Said they made him ‘not clear-headed enough.’ Kinda ironic,” he shared and snorted. “When it got too bad, though, she’d still crush ‘em into his food.”

Dear Lord, their mother is more and more suss to me. How she could ever justify making her eldest son be a scapegoat is beyond me. 🥲

But I'm glad Colter and Russell are getting just as much of an honest heart-to-heart as Russ and the reader did. 💜 Now I can't wait to see what you did with the finale of this series!

The Exit Strategy – Part 4

Summary: Russell is ready to hang it all up and retire, open up a brewery, and enjoy the rest of his civilian life. However, there’s one important thing missing before he can take the big plunge. Luckily, he knows just the right person to help him find it.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader

Warnings: 18+, language, fluff, some angst & feels, family secrets, spy stuff, a bit of spiciness

Word Count: 6.5k

A/N: Welcome back, friends! We're diving a bit into Shaw family secrets this week – fully Wayne's version, though. While I did read the books, there's no major spoilers**, so don't you worry. I just played with an idea here 🤓 I also won't be fully diving into the Shaw family life, but some things are heavily hinted to be... fishy here 👀 Enjoy & let me know what you think! 🤍

**There's a small part where Russell tells Colter about their parents. It's mentioned in the books that their mother was a psychiatrist. I took that and ran with it 🤷‍♀️

Main Masterlist || Series Masterlist || Tag List

Part 4: This Is Not an Exit

“You’ve been walking down memory lane a lot tonight,” you teased with a nudge of his ribs, still tightly cuddled in his warm embrace in the freezing basement.

“Haven’t you?”

“No, I have,” you admitted with a melancholic sigh. “Maybe we should stop dwelling on the past so much. Think more about the future…”

Russell scoffed a small chuckle. “Dory said something similar not that long ago. Actually the reason why I came here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he sighed, his fingers absently drawing circles on your arm. “I think it’s time we retire, sweetheart. I mean, after everything we’ve been through, I think we deserve to, right? You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning, and I’m surprised we’re even still here, considering how many war zones we’ve been in.”

“Well, you know what they say – beware the old soldier because he’s old for a reason,” you said with a smile.

“Yeah, think I might be getting a little too old…” Russell chucked lightly, running a hand through his long hair. “So? What d’you think? One last hurrah, and then we hang this up? I was thinking maybe we could open up a brewery, you know? A family place. Bet the kids would love it.”

“Sounds nice,” you said with a yearning smile. You wanted all of that and more. “I’d love to retire with you.”

“But?”

You laughed slightly at his anticipating look. “But I don’t think you can yet.”

His eyebrows drew together till they met above the bridge of his freckled nose. “What d’you mean? I just told you I’m ready.”

“You say you are, but you aren’t,” you replied like the annoying Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. “Have you solved the murder yet?”

Russell licked his lips, which was his telltale sign that you caught him there. After all, you knew him better than anyone in this world – knowing when he needed to be pushed and shoved was part of it.

“No, but I don’t need to anymore. Look, the only reason I wanted to solve it was because I thought I had to prove my innocence to Colter. And well, turns out I didn’t. He believed me anyways, so…”

“That wasn’t the only reason,” you reminded him with a scrutinizing look.

“Maybe, but like I said – Dory thinks we should keep all this bullshit in the past, and after the last three years, I’m starting to agree with her,” Russell said, dragging a hand over his face.

“Look, if that’s what you want–”

“It’s what I want,” he assured you and placed a hand on your thigh, gently squeezing it. “Having my little brother and sister back is enough. I don’t need more. Nothing good ever comes from being greedy.”

You nodded in understanding, clearing your throat. “Still, in the name of our deal to always be honest, I kinda have to confess something.”

Rising from your seat, you dusted off your awful, flowery skirt and wandered to the wall safe once more, retrieving a thick folder from it. You took your place next to Russell again, his questioning eyes meeting yours as you handed him your research.

“When you didn’t come back after a year or so, I started looking into it as well. Might have done a full deep-dive,” you admitted with a bite of your lip.

Russell shot you a chiding look, shaking his head, but most of all, he was worried. “I told you to leave it alone. You don’t know what sorta people we’re dealing with here, but we do know they’re dangerous.”

“I know. I just wanted to help. Figured I could speed it along. I do have more access than you,” you countered softly. “I’m sorry, okay? But I was careful. I promise.”

“Good,” he said and looked at you, interlacing your fingers with his. “‘Cause the last thing I want is losing you over this bullshit, too.”

Nodding, you squeezed his hand in reassurance. “There’s something you should know, though.” He raised his brow anew – you’d always been full of surprises. Life certainly had never been boring. “Someone accessed the files after me.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know. Definitely had a higher clearance than me, though,” you replied.

Russell threw his arms up, and you could see he was getting more upset again. “See? This is what I’m talking about! The whole point of us separating was to keep you and the kids away from it. Otherwise, we could’ve just stayed together, and I could’ve joined Horizon anyways.”

“I know that, too,” you said remorsefully. “But don’t worry. I wasn’t followed, and no one ever came after me. I made sure of it. It’s been two years now. They probably figured it was nothing after I didn’t reach out to you straight away.”

“Still… I don’t want you involved, alright?”

“What about Colter? Doesn’t he want to know? He doesn’t strike me as someone who just lets things go,” you noted observantly.

Russell clicked his tongue – a sign of defeat. “He isn’t, but he’s not gonna find anything either. I mean, the only reason I know is because you were so relentless and kept digging.”

“You haven’t told him what we found out?”

Russell licked his lips and admitted quietly, “No. I don’t think it does anyone any good to keep looking into this.”

Leaning forward and hugging your knees, your head bobbed pensively. “I thought you guys talked about what happened?”

“We did. Kinda… It’s complicated,” he stated, swallowing. “Dory was easy, you know? I guess she never really believed it… But it took a while till Colter even picked up the phone, let alone answered a goddamn text message. Had to get a little annoying.”

You smirked. “Well, you’re good at that. That’s how you won me over.”

“By being persistent?”

“Exactly. Like a tardigrade.” You grinned. “I mean, you kind of are doing it now again, too.”

He chuckled quietly. “Yeah, guess so.”

“Is that why you haven’t told him about me and the kids? Because you’re not sure about him yet?”

“Partially, yeah,” he admitted. “I guess I wanted to protect you. And maybe myself a little, too… Not sure I’m ready for those two worlds to meet yet, you know? I mean, you and the kids are the best things that ever happened to me, and when I look at Colter or Dory, I’m sometimes reminded of the worst things in my life.”

“What about your mother?”

Russell let out an exhaustive sigh that was half amused. “Geez, you haven’t changed a bit. You still ask the most uncomfortable questions possible.”

You laughed a little. “Gathering intelligence in uncomfortable ways is kind of my job, Shaw.”

“Yup, and no one’s better at it than you, sweetheart,” Russell quipped.

“So I’m guessing it’s a no on Mommie Dearest?”

Russell licked his lips, shaking his head. “I don’t wanna see her. Mostly because I don’t even know what to fucking say anymore,” he said. “I don’t want her to meet the kids either.”

“It’s okay,” you assured him and took his hand in yours. “It’s your choice, Russ. We go at your pace, alright?”

“Thank you.” Russell brought your intertwined hands to his lips, kissing the back of your hand before he looked at you deeply, a smile dancing across his plump lips. “I love you.”

You mirrored his smile, your heart fluttering like a wild butterfly in your chest. “I love you, too.”

“I’ll tell them – Dory and Colter. I want this to work,” he promised. “Just… after we finish this. I want him to have a clear head. I prefer not to get him killed, you know?”

“I get it. I thought the same thing when I first met you, too,” you joked, patting his chest. “But you brought him into this. It’s kinda on you.”

Russell scratched his bearded chin. “Yeah, but I didn’t exactly know what I’d bring him into.”

“Didn’t you, though?”

Amused, Russell bobbed his head. “Yeah, maybe I did,” he acknowledged. “You know, when Manny called me–”

Your eyes widened. “Manny called you?”

Russell blinked at you, brow creased in confusion. “Yeah, why?”

“That motherfucker…”

Furiously, you stomped to the desk and grabbed the radio. “Drone-5. This is Queen Bee-1. Report to Hive.”

The static of the radio cracked almost instantly, as if the idiot had been waiting all night for this call. “Yo, Queen Bee-1. How’s my boy?” Manny’s laugh echoed through the basement.

Russell’s glowing cheeks reached his eyes when he heard his friend’s voice. He’d known the guy almost as long as Doug.

“You’re the one who fucking told him?!” you yelled into the radio, almost crushing the device in your hand.

“To be fair, I told him not to engage with tango,” Manny sheepishly replied.

“Ha-ha, funny. Fuck you,” you huffed and tossed Russ the walkie-talkie. He caught it with one hand.

His boyish grin widened as he pushed the button. “You know, Drone-5, you could’ve told me you were actually working this thing.”

“Aw, you know I can’t do that. But I guess congrats on crashing another operation. You’re Worker Bee-3 now. Old habits die hard, huh?” Manny chuckled.

“Yeah, I guess…” Russell replied with a lighthearted chuckle, but his teeth tugged pensively at his lips.

“Great to have you back, brother. Hope this works out for you. See you on the other side, man. Oh, and could you move like three feet to the left and turn the washer off? We can barely hear and see you guys, and Drone-2 just ran out to grab popco–”

“No, absolutely not. Out,” you snapped as you grabbed the radio from Russ. He laughed as you put it furiously back on the desk. You knew what you had signed up for, but you still deserved some privacy. Annoyed, you took off your cross necklace – another bug – and settled down beside him again.

“What did he say when he called you?”

“Nothing much, really. Just told me your coordinates and that you like to pick up your mail at three o’clock at the local post office,” Russell replied.

You shook your head, smiling. “Well, he always loved you, so…” You started to chew on your lower lip, the anxiety in your belly returning. For the sake of your mind and heart, you had to make sure Russell was fully back, and this wasn’t just a fluke. “You know, I worry sometimes that if you don’t face this thing with your family, you’ll always feel this way. I mean, after Lewis was born–”

“I know.” Russell nodded, swallowing thickly. He saw the worry shimmering in your eyes, and it cracked his heart a little. “I know I kinda lost it there. Took me by surprise, too. Trust me. Figured I had dealt with all that shit already, you know? But I guess seeing you with him and feeling all that love myself, I just-… I don’t know. I don’t know how she could do it… Ashton was one thing, but she just stood by. And I don’t even know what the hell she was up to while he took us out into those woods…” He shook his head as if to rattle the answer out of his brain. “And then when we found out you were pregnant again… I mean, I’d barely held it together with Lewis. Everything just became a blur. I couldn’t think straight anymore, and I worried all the time I’d be like them…”

“I tried to help,” you said softly.

“I know you did. Guess this was just something I had to figure out on my own,” he replied with a beat shrug.

“How’s your vision now? Still blurry?”

“Clearer than ever.” A smile flickered alive on his lips, green eyes boring into yours as he leaned in and kissed you slowly like he meant every word. Blowing a raspberry, he then turned his attention to the file in his lap. “So, what am I gonna find in there?”

“Honestly, nothing we haven’t already puzzled together,” you replied, teeth gnawing on your bottom lip. “But I found a couple of names associated with your parents. Thought maybe you could look at them and see if you recognize the person you saw in the woods.”

“I already know where this is going…”

“Russ, please, just–”

Russell interrupted you, placing a soothing palm on your thigh that curbed your enthusiasm. “I’ll think about it, alright?”

Satisfied, you raised two placating hands. “All I was asking…”

“How was the lasagna?”

After four hours in the basement, you and Russell quietly treaded up the stairs a few minutes after midnight, finding Colter in the kitchen, eating leftovers out of the ceramic form in the warm glow of the stove light. Tom, on the other hand, had passed out on the couch, only the blue flickers of the TV and the soft noises of a peaceful nature documentary filling the silence of the dark living room.

“Excellent,” Colter stated, swallowing down a mouthful of lasagna before speaking. “I told Tom he should be a chef in a restaurant or something.”

Russell’s brow knitted in doubt. “Really? Lemme try.”

“You just ate two entire bags of junk. You can’t still be hungry,” you argued with a giggle, shaking your head.

“It’s lasagna,” Russell said simply, grabbed a fork from the drawer, and dove right in.

That man would eat anything. You’d seen him do it, too. He didn’t even go hungry when he was lost in a desert.

“Wow, that is good,” Russell announced his judgement with a full mouth. “Maybe we should hire Tom for the brewery, huh?”

“I’m guessing this means you two talked?” Colter asked with a carefully arched brow.

“Hmm. I don’t know,” Russell mused in jest. “What d’you say, sweetheart? You taking me back?”

You rolled your eyes at his antics. “Guess I have to. God knows returning you is impossible.”

Russell laughed and slung an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. He kissed your temple.

But then you noticed Colter’s smile falter, his brows creasing in question. “Is your hair different?”

“Shit!”

Wide-eyed, you bolted back down the creaking stairs to the basement, hearing Russell’s laughter fill the kitchen.

“Was she wearing a wig? And her eyes too, right?” Puzzled, Colter tried to piece it all together. He had already figured by your extensive vocabulary of swear words that you might be a better match for his older brother than he had initially surmised.

“Yup, all fake, man,” Russell confirmed and smirked. “Still think she’s not my type yet?”

“No, I can see it now,” Colter admitted, chuckling. “So, you guys are good?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Russell nodded and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, swallowing.

Colter’s smile widened, filling the older Shaw’s stomach with more guilt. “That’s great. Happy for you, man. Guess that means you’re retiring now, huh?”

Russell scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, we’ll see. Always depends on what the wife decides, you know?”

Yup, he sprinkled that important bit of information into a joke. Then, he watched his little brother take a stumped step back, brow furrowing and unfurrowing and then furrowing again.

“Wha-, wife?”

Russell produced a popping sound with his lips like the noise of a bottle when the cork was pulled. Welp, this bottle was surely open now.

“Yup, got married in Thailand in 2011,” he added another helpful tidbit of information, but Colter’s jaw dislodged all the same.

“Alright, got this all figured out,” you said, sauntering back into the kitchen with a pastel pink towel wrapped around your head and a matching bathrobe. You’d just grabbed them from the dryer, the fluffy material still cozily warm. It was the best option, considering you didn’t want to mess around with your wig as well after popping the lenses back in had already cost you most of your patience. In your little bubble of bliss, you hadn’t instantly noticed the brothers staring at you. But once you did, your brows morphed into a frown. “What’s going on?”

“You two are married?” Colter asked, a pointed finger flicking from Russell to you.

You threw your arms up, looking at your husband. “I was gone for five minutes! What happened to telling him after the operation?”

Russell offered you a sheepish shrug. “Well, this old soldier’s getting weak too, apparently.”

“He said it like a joke…” Colter mumbled, still in the middle of processing this new revelation. His older, estranged-but-now-less-strange brother had a wife. A family. Friends. And he knew none of it. What else was there? Kids?

“Yeah, he does that...” You shot your husband a scolding sideways look. “Should I leave you two alone for this?” you then offered, hoping the answer was a goddamn yes.

“Why would you? You’re family, right?” Colter retorted with a dry smile and a sharp look.

You pursed your lips. While you could see some similarities between the brothers, you took note of one big difference: Russell wasn’t as sarcastic and sharp-tongued. Probably because Russell had always been more concerned with what he should, would, or could share with people in an overthinking loop, while his younger brother seemed obviously free of that burden.

“Don’t take it out on her,” Russell stepped in gently, which really was a warning. “She didn’t know about any of this. Kinda pushed her into it.”

“Seems to be your style,” Colter scoffed.

“Can’t work for the CIA without going through a baptism of fire, little brother,” Russell said simply, giving an unapologetic shrug of his shoulders.

“Why would you not tell me?” Colter stared at him, his look a mix of reproach and agitation.

“Look, you weren’t exactly welcoming during our first meeting,” Russell argued with a bit of bark in his deep voice, although confrontation was probably not the best approach. But why should he always have to take the blame for everything? He’d already done that for more than two decades.

“That was months ago,” Colter countered, scowling. “I’d like to think I’ve come around since then… Coulda told me after we saved Doug.”

Russell let out a small sigh of defeat, rolling his eyes back slightly. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “No, yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, man, alright?” he apologized earnestly.

With a questioning brow, you carefully nudged your husband’s arm. “What happened to Doug? Is he alright?”

“Yeah, uh, he went to work for Horizon with me. I’ll tell you later, okay?” Russell replied, his voice a lot quieter as if sharing a secret, and if Horizon was involved he probably was.

“Is Tracy okay?”

“She’s fine. Little shook up. You should probably give her a call. Smooth things out,” Russell told you.

Tracy thought you worked in marketing at some company for the government. Whenever you, Russell, and Doug were stuck on a mission, the boys made you call her to “smooth things out” – aka reassuring her everything was certainly fine with her husband and he wasn't in any danger at all. They’d once made you call her from a Black Hawk. The noise had been fun to explain away – you’d told her you were picking up a client from a helicopter pad.

Colter chewed on the insides of his cheeks. “So she knows Doug, too?”

Russell nodded. “Yeah, me and Doug were mostly Delta, but SAD liked to borrow us from time to time. We ran in her team for quite a while. She was actually the one who recruited me.”

At his little wink your way, you smiled. He’d come along way from the sweet boy you had once teased like a special-forces-trained kindergartner.

“Listen, things were obviously a little complicated between me and her the last few years,” Russell (under)stated. “But I’ve brought you here for a reason, okay? Figured it’s time you meet your sister-in-law.”

Eyes drifting from you to Russell, Colter pursed his lips – a tell he shared with his brother.

“Are you mad? I can’t tell.” Frowning, Russell tilted his head.

“No,” you absentmindedly replied for Colter, who gave you a curious look but steered his attention back to Russell.

“No,” the younger Shaw repeated your assumption. “I mean, not more than I was before, you know?”

Russell’s creases only deepened. “No, I don’t know.”

“He means he’s indifferent about knowing or not knowing we’re married because he’s already pissed about not knowing about my existence in general,” you explained.

“Ah. Your nerd is showing, sweetheart,” Russell teased you with a smile that made your heart melt.

“Dory would like her,” Colter commented like the thought had just popped into his head – something else he didn’t share with his brother.

You’d always wondered about the youngest Shaw of the three. Russell could never tell you much about Dory. His memory had been one of a smart and feisty nine-year-old, not a young woman and physics professor.

Thumbing at you, Russell cocked a brow at his brother. “Is she right, though?”

“Spot on, actually.” Colter’s tongue poked his cheek, his gaze flickering with a hint of astonishment and new-found respect for you. “And I guess I’m not really mad either way. Just… surprising, you know? I should’ve asked. That’s on me.”

Russell seemed more than a little baffled to hear this, considering he had to pause to find an appropriate response. “No, uh, we’re good. I could’ve just told you, anyways.”

“Yeah, no, that’s alright.” Colter swallowed, sending his older brother a smile of forgiveness. “Honestly, I was glad to hear you weren’t alone all this time, so…”

Russell’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he pushed down the lump in his throat. With a nod, he averted his green eyes to the kitchen floor. “Thanks, man. Appreciate it.”

“Aw, aren’t you guys adorable,” you teased.

Colter wanted to retort something dry-witted, but Russell held up a warning finger. “Ah – wait for it… Trust me. She’s not done.”

“You girls need tissues or a tampon, maybe?”

“Oh, Dory would definitely like her,” Colter repeated his earlier statement with an amused grin.

Russell, on the other hand, shot you a pointed look, but that had barely ever stopped you before. “Okay, you can lay down. You don’t have to give him the initiation. No hazing my little brother,” he ordered you sternly, and you stifled a snort. “And no one better kidnaps him tonight and puts a bag over his head, alright? I don’t wanna pick him up beaten and bloody from some warehouse tomorrow morning.”

“Hm, what?” Colter’s brow furrowed. For the first time, you could see slight panic spread in his pupils.

Who was hazing who now?

You rolled your eyes in feigned annoyance. “Fine, we’ll leave him alone,” you acted your capitulation.

The younger Shaw blinked at you. “Thank you?”

“Should we at least tell him about the other thing while we’re at it?” you asked Russell with a suggestive look.

Thoughtfully, he paused for a beat, then clicked his tongue. “No, I got it from here. It’s getting late. We’ve been here long enough,” he decided. “This is less becoming a friendly ‘welcome-to -the-neighborhood’ dinner and more starting to look like an orgy to the neighbors. Especially since you’ve put on the robe.”

“It just came from the dryer. Look, it’s so soft and warm,” you argued, pouting, your palms caressing the fluffy material on your arms.

“Uh-huh.”

The little bob of his Adam’s apple made you grin slyly. The way his jaw ticked and his pupils widened with a primal hunger, you could tell he wanted to tear that robe right off of you. The thought caused a shudder to run down your spine.

“What, uh, other thing do you have to tell me?” Colter asked and smiled expectantly, tapping his fingers on the the counter.

Russell, however, grabbed his arm and dragged his curious little brother toward the exit. “I’ll tell you in the car,” he said and thumbed to the front door behind his shoulder. “Wait outside. Gimme five minutes, alright?”

Wordlessly, Colter nodded without argument, gave you a quick goodbye-wave of his hand, and strolled leisurely back to his car as if he knew exactly what his older brother intended to do.

As expected, Russell impatiently conquered your lips, roughly pressing you against the foyer’s wall, your arms draping around his neck.

“What’s the bedroom situation in this place?” he asked between kisses.

“First floor, west side, third window from the right. I’ll leave it unlatched,” you replied, smiling against his lips. “Tom’s always sleeping on the couch. Part of our cover is going to marriage counseling with Pastor Jeff, which happens to work out great for us.”

You exhaled a shuddered breath when one of his hands wandered past the robe and splayed warm against your ribcage, just underneath your breast. His thumb fought an itch to get closer.

“Wouldn’t do that, baby,” you murmured into his ear with an amused smirk. “That boner’s not gonna go away in five minutes.”

“Mmm, I know,” he groaned and dropped his head between your boobs, lips pressing a chaste kiss to your collarbone. If he continued on with this, your arousal would surely streak down your bare thighs soon. Luckily, he had mercy on the both of you. “I’ll talk to him and then come back, okay?”

You nodded with a smile. He kissed your lips, then your forehead, and then disappeared through the door with the same cometary velocity he had entered your vision.

And all you could do was hope you’d see him one more time in your life.

“So?”

4.3 seconds after Colter killed the engine of his pickup in a spot a block away to the west side of your house – as per Russell’s very specific instruction – he stared scrutinizingly at his older brother.

Impatience was also a family trait – one even their father had despised.

“Look, uhm, there’s no easy way to break the news…”

“Is this about you having two kids?”

When Russell’s eyes met Colter’s, he didn’t recognize any anger, hurt or resentment in them – just pure slyness. At least that was good news. His little brother was just going to be annoying about this whole thing.

“Yeah, remember those five minutes you left me alone in the car? I called Bobby. Had him check some things out for me. Wasn’t easy to find. I’ll give you that…”

As expected, Colter was going to be a smartass about it. He figured it out on his own. He won the game.

“Hmm.” Russell pursed his lips, nodding. “You do know the CIA is on your guy’s ass now, right? Shouldn’t have done it in their perimeter, man. Manny’s probably all over this by now…”

Then his brow knit as if the thought of his old friend had provoked an idea, his head tilting with narrowed eyes at the air vents on the dashboard. How long had that car been parked outside and out of sight again?

Like a game of Operation, Russell then used thumb and pointer finger as his tweezers to retrieve a tiny bug – the spy kind.

“Gotcha,” Russell muttered, smirking. He then held the bug close to the speakers of the radio before turning up the volume to its highest setting – only for a second. He switched the radio off, rolled down the window, and threw the unwanted listening device onto the pavement. “That should teach ‘em a lesson…”

Colter cocked an incredulous brow at his brother. “They bugged my car?”

“Oh, trust me, they bug anything they can get their greedy little hands on,” Russell retorted. “Would probably check for a tracker underneath, too.”

“Great, thanks,” Colter huffed wryly.

“Hey, you wanted in. That’s what they do,” Russell reminded him, shrugging, but there was a smile of amusement on his lips.

Colter only bobbed his head. “So, you and her? You guys are good now? Just like that? Seemed… easy. Sorta…”

Russell chuckled lightly, brushing a hand through his beard. He knew his relationship with you was unconventional, but it had always worked for you and him.

“Me and Y/N have a deal, you know? It’s not all black and white. I mean, we became aware a long time ago that the two of us operate in a lot of gray zones. But, uh, we always know we can rely on each other, you know? Doesn’t matter if we’ve been separated by time or space,” Russell explained to the best of his abilities.

“So what happened?” Colter prompted with the same amount of confusion. “Why did you guys split up? I saw on the birth certificate your daughter was only two years old. I mean, did you-… did you even know?”

Russell inhaled deeply, nodding. “I knew she was pregnant. When she told me back then, I-…” He paused, licking his lips. It wasn’t something he had ever talked about with anyone before – not even you. “Well, shortly after that, I had a breakdown and I-… I almost hurt her.” He choked on the words, fighting the sting in his eyes.

He’d tried so hard to forget, wasn’t even sure he had ever really apologized for it to you because he so badly didn’t want it to exist that he’d tried to wish it out of literal existence, and hence, never really blamed you for leaving like you did. He understood. In fact, he had even wished you’d leave. He had convinced himself you’d be better off without him – something he still believed to be true – but he also knew he wasn’t better off without you.

He’d been lost and alone. And maybe, he was being selfish by crashing back into your life now. Or Dory’s. And Colter’s.

“I mean, nothing ever really bad happened. It’s just-… That night I came scarily close,” Russell confessed, swallowing thickly. He still hated himself for that night and everything that followed. “It’s like a switch flipped, you know? I couldn’t do anything against it… And Lewis saw parts of it, and I was already impatient with him and short with her the weeks before, so I just left that night and disappeared for two months. Volunteered for some mission. Figured it was best for everybody.”

It’s better off if he never comes back…

Russell licked his chapped lips. The next part was the hardest.

“When I got back, she told me she got a job offer in another country, and that she would be taking it and taking Lewis with her. She wanted me to use the time to… I don’t know… solve this, I guess.” He let out a humorless scoff at the painful memory.

Russell hadn’t seen it at first, maybe because he hadn’t wanted to, his anger and pain blurring the truth. After his son had been born, Russell knew you could see him struggling, so you started digging deeper into his family and what really happened. And when you’d found something – Horizon – you’d told him you could infiltrate. Naturally, Russell had passed a hard no – it had been a five-hour long fight, but he'd emerged victoriously by the end. So, you’d told him he should do it, but he didn’t want to leave you, and he didn’t want to endanger and jeopardize his family.

He’d told he was fine, but he wasn’t. It kept gnawing on him – and gnawing and gnawing and gnawing… till you eventually pulled the plug and ended his suffering.

“I was exhausted, so I told her we’d talk about it in the morning. When I woke up, they were gone. Didn’t even notice she’d already packed.”

Colter was silent for a beat. “Was it PTSD or something?”

“Or somethin’,” replied Russell.

“But you’re good now?” Colter checked with a warily raised brow.

“Guess so…”

Truthfully, Russell didn’t know if he was or wasn’t. He’d tried hard to figure out what it was exactly that had set him off that night and fix it, but he didn’t know if that feeling would ever disappear for good. He just knew he had never felt that way again since then. But could he guarantee it would never come back?

He didn’t know.

“Look, all I know is, seeing you and Dory again helped, so…” Russell twitched his shoulders and sighed. He didn’t know what else to say, how to explain it better, but Colter seemed to understand anyway, reading between the lines.

Russell worried he’d be like their father.

“I think I get it.” The younger Shaw nodded and licked his lips. “You know, you’re not crazy like Dad was, Russ. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re crazy in your own way, but I wouldn’t worry about the other stuff.”

“Well, thanks,” Russell said, not convinced but appreciative of the vote of confidence. “Makes at least one of us…”

“I-, uh, I noticed their names,” Colter then said and clarified, “Lewis and Amelia. Like explorers. Like us.”

“Ah.” Russell smacked his lips and brushed it off, “Wasn’t really my idea. I told Y/N that story once. Guess she took a liking to it..”

“Are you, you know, gonna tell Mom?”

Russell was almost surprised by the question. The brothers had barely talked about their mother since they’d reconnected. Considering Colter had never brought her up again after their first meeting, Russell figured there was a reason for that – and he thought he probably knew the reason, too.

Russell scoffed a chuckle and looked at his little brother with an almost incredulous look. “I think you can guess the answer to that one,” he replied and figured it said enough. “Did you tell her I came back?”

Colter pursed his lips, and Russell took it as a sign of admission. So his mother knew. Great…

“Sorta,” Colter admitted hesitantly.

“What d’she say?” Russell almost smiled out of amusement. He already knew the answer, but his brother still seemed reluctant. “C’mon, you can tell me. I’m not gonna be butthurt after twenty years…”

“She told me to ignore you,” Colter finally confessed, but the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. They had ever since his mother said them, but even more so now that he knew his brother – and parts of the truth.

“Hmm,” Russell hummed with tight lips and ground his jaw.

Granted, the confession stung more than Russell would ever be willing to admit. The tiny, naive part inside of him had constructed a hopeless fantasy of his mother having a sudden change of heart over the last two decades and happily welcoming her firstborn back. Apparently, not a thing had changed, though, and he cursed himself for feeling disheartened.

“But I actually haven’t talked to her in a while now,” Colter added with a small shrug, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

“Huh, really?”

“Yeah, uh, and when I did, I didn’t exactly tell her I didn’t take her advice, you know? So…”

“Why not?” Russell’s brow furrowed a little more as he analyzed each word, simultaneously realizing why he had been so reluctant to share his life with Colter before – his subconscious had been afraid his alienated little brother would report back to the mothership.

Colter’s lips pursed. “Because I disagree.”

“Ah.”

Colter chewed on his lower lip. “Look, I know you and Dory wanna keep all of this in the past and play family – and trust me, I want that too,” he assured, but his heart was beating fast in his chest. “But I need to know, man. I need to know why she lied about this for twenty years and, you know, did all of this,” he insisted, and yet, Russell could tell he wasn’t done. He might have broken the dam. “She did it to you. I mean, aren’t you mad?”

“Of course I’m mad,” the older Shaw admitted, but there was no fire behind his words.

“Then why are you so calm?”

Amused, Russell chuckled, shrugging. “Probably ‘cause I’ve been dealing with this a lot longer than you, little brother.”

“So, what are we gonna do now?”

“We ain’t gonna do anything,” Russell clarified, his voice stern. He’d die to protect his family, you and the kids, and do anything in his power to keep you out of it, but Colter was a grown-up – a free agent. If he didn’t want to listen, Russell couldn’t force him. “Look, you wanna find out, you go find out. And if you do find something and need help, you call. But I can’t be involved in this,” he explained, his firm expression morphing into something more vulnerable and sincere. “And frankly, I don’t care that much. You, me, Dory, Y/N, the kids – that’s all that matters, trust me. You’re not gonna feel better or more… whole after finding those answers.”

“How do you know? Do you know what really happened?” Colter instantly asked, and Russell knew in that moment, it’d be hopeless. His brother wouldn’t stop till he found it – forever restless.

“No, I told you. I don’t,” Russell repeated, and while he didn’t know everything, he omitted that he knew something.

“What about Y/N?”

Russell froze at the bare mention of your name, his protective instincts kicking in. “Leave her out of this,” he all but snarled.

But Colter didn’t think about stopping. “Did you ever ask her? I mean, she’s CIA. She could probably find out something, right?”

“Yeah, I asked her once, alright? Was a long time ago,” Russell admitted, sighing. The intended lie would stick better if there was some truth to it – you had taught him that.

“C’mon, Russ… And?” Colter impatiently threw his arms up, brow raising higher and higher as he waited for an answer.

“She never found anything,” Russell said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

This time, it wasn’t just an omission. It was a blatant lie.

“I think whatever Dad was involved in – or both of ‘em – was just some activist shit. I don’t think the government cares.” Lie. “We both know he had a mental thing. Paranoid, probably schizophrenic… I mean, Mom used to pump him full of meds sometimes when he got too out of hand.” Truth. He then stole a glance at his little brother and saw the confusion shimmering on his face. Russell scoffed. “You didn’t know that, did you?”

Quietly, Colter shook his head.

“Well, you were a kid,” Russell said and hoped it would curb the blow slightly, although he knew better than that. “He always took something as far back as I can remember. She used to prepare his pills every evening after you and Dory went to bed. But when we moved to the cabin, he started refusing to take them. Said they made him ‘not clear-headed enough.’ Kinda ironic,” he shared and snorted. “When it got too bad, though, she’d still crush ‘em into his food.”

Colter took everything in with a nod but didn’t say anything more.

“You good over there?” Russell checked after a full minute had passed.

“Yeah,” Colter said and even tried to form a reassuring smile before the attempt failed. Instead, he swallowed. “Just a lot, you know? I didn’t know. I mean, I had some idea, but not-… not that.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Russell said, his voice almost a whisper in the silence of the night. “Like I said, you were a kid…”

When Russell finally left the car to sneak back to you, his shoulders felt a little lighter and his heart a little calmer. He might just float through that unlatched window tonight.

The bad news was, though, he might not be able to retire just yet.

Part 5: This Is a Start

Honestly, I should've called this chapter "Heart-to-Heart Part II" 😂 I'll see you for the finale next week, but as you know, it's not the end for them – only just the beginning 😉

☕️ Ko-Fi 🩵 Tag List

TAGS:

Forevers: @alwaystiredandconfused @xlynnbbyx @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @blackcherrywhiskey

@deansbbyx @foxyjwls007 @ladysparkles78 @roseblue373 @zepskies

@agalliasi @yvonneeeee @hobby27 @iamsapphine @globetrotter28

@mxltifxnd0m @lacilou @feyresqueen @suckitands33 @onlyangel-444

@syrma-sensei @perpetualabsurdity @deans-baby-momma @yoobusgoobus @jessjad

@hunter-or-the-hunted @k-slla @just-levyy @mrsjenniferwinchester @illicithallways

@muhahaha303 @ultimatecin73 @nancymcl @leigh70 @brightlilith

@nesnejwritings @samslvrgirl @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @fromcaintodean @barewithme02

@thebiggerbear @star-yawnznn @thej2report

Series: @deansimpalababy @koalamama @inknopewetrust @never-here1992

[dont-hug-me-im-hyperfixating]

im having unneeded anxeity (heart rate is like 118 bpm my chest hurts-) so fuck all of you im yapping about my aus

OKAY I CAN EXPLAIN THIS ONE I SWEAR

yes it is nexus/Sun and Dark sun/Sun

Butbutbut Nexus and Sun aren't siblings in this au!

This is my Come as you Are au! (Au name a wip lmao). In this au Sun agreed to join Sol (dark sun) on one condition: that he didn't betray Nexus and kept him safe, and that Sun got to be with him again. Sol agreed, so now Sol, Sun, and Nexus just kind of live together

They, Sun and Nexus, got to reset their relationship just as friends, since Nexus isn't Moon. And it... grew to become more.

And its a teensy bit of Dark sun "subtly" competing for Sun's affection with Nexus, while Sun is just like "I have two hands" (but Sol doesn't want to share with a moon, but begrudgingly does as Nexus shows him more and more that he isn't a moon)

Edit: okay, uh- its like 2 days later and this has been sitting in my drafts. Im feeling a lot better but yall still have to hear about my aus

(I literally have no other drawings of these two help-)

Uh- Nexus gets redeemed and him and Moon move in together. They're science buddies and Nexus starts to get a crush on Moon and stuff happens and they experiment with each other. Idk I just really like the ship. Also Moon threatens Monty and they stop being friends!!!! And the family just kind of hates Monty, including Earth. Idk I just like them its neat

Okay thats it for now imma reblog this and add more aus. I'll probably add all my aus here eventually