#Although I can’t say I am popular or have much of a social life haha

[kuunibal]

The way u write.. Is like a popular/socially well-smart dude. She probably thinks you're after others, not her. U know girls can also think he's way utta my league? I mean.. Obviously unless you've confessed to her. Idk I'm just assuming.. Maybe I'm being too specific.

I'm just trying to think now w/her being good in this story, not an ungrateful dreamy oblivious girl. Cuz your page & the convos u have w anons, sorta portray her like that & YOU being the perfect-good lover.. I mean come on u know, u sorta look like a victim of one-sided love here [not saying u r portraying this purposely, it just comes off like tht] + mostly, u do try your best to tell both sides of the story n how she isn't actually 'bad' (ungrateful) but still since your whole page is from your pov.. We're not witnessing HER as a protagonist so we're automatically bound to judge her thru all of YOUR opinions of her. I mean���here ppl r gonna sympathise w u obv but for once I'm trying to sympathise with her, so being open to the fact that we still only know.. What he thinks of what she thinks.. Not what she actually thinks!

Is she more of the well-maintained-organised-smartish types or messydumb-pyjamas-snort in the nose types? [sry this was too long reply as per ur convenience]

-🌬️

Ah, I see you are new to this page. The situation is a lot more messy, but yes, I have confessed to my darling multiple times, and although she certainly is dreamy, I don't believe her to be ungrateful or oblivious. Like most people, I think she is a good person who sometimes does hurtful things without really meaning to. You are right about perspective and opinion being skewed though, and I respect your sympathy and objectivity.

From the outside, she seems like a messy and impulsive party girl. But she is actually a lot more organised and knowledgeable about the things she is passionate about and artistically inclined rather than academic in the traditional sense (especially because the American school system is shit).

[foryoumyheroes]

Stan Twitter

[Midoriya + Todoroki + Bakugou + Kaminari] and their secret stan accounts.

A/N:  Gender neutral reader and [H/N] stands for [Hero Name].  Aged-up AU and everyone is already a Pro-Hero. Kinda SMAU? 

Disclaimer: I recently became aware that the word “simp” has been appropriated from AAVE. As someone who is not from the black community, I genuinely apologize and I don’t have an excuse for my ignorance. I am removing it from these hcs! I consider myself an ally (but I clearly have a lot of work to do) and it is my own fault for not educating myself, which I hope to do more of in the future.

I also have to give credit where credit’s due I love @myherowritings​ ‘s SMAUs and was inspired to write this from their works so please check them out if you’re reading this!  

Izuku Midoriya: 

Goes the whole mile. Has a [Name] stan account with 10k followers. Interacts with other [H/N] stans regularly. Retweets edits and compilations. Makes his own fancams and edits. 

Vote [H/N] for the top ten  @[H/N]might345  I am so lucky to be able to get the entire @official[Hero Name] x @Super_Groupies collaboration collection!! It sold out within minutes! 💨💨 It was kinda stressful haha. 😅 Thanks again to everyone who supported our favorite Hero! http://bit.ly/G4peUrTd36A

Vote [H/N] for the top ten @[H/N]might345 Thank you to tik tok user @rainbowinureye for giving me permission to post their playdate edit of [H/N]! It’s so well done and the cuts and the scenes line up perfectly 😊 http://m.tiktok.com/WrqKOXWpYbU  

Vote [H/N] for the top ten  @[H/N]might345 I made another [H/N] edit to the song “This is Love” by Illene Woods slowed and pitched version 😊💕💕 Please tell me what you think and how I can improve! http://bit.ly/dK9-c7QOcWg 

Of course it’s edited perfectly with all of the clips synced up perfectly?? It’s a byproduct from his All Might days. He’s still sure to respond to every person who gives him constructive criticism on how to improve his edits. 

Unintentionally becomes a meme?? Becomes known as the fanboy to end all fanboys. Like this guy is EVERYWHERE. He’s in the comments of every [H/N] funny moments and [H/N] battles but every fight is poorly edited to the sound of vines and every official interview posted by official YT channels. 

Stream Fine Line  @randomaccount360 The wildest thing about Twitter is that one [H/N] stan account that comes running whenever you mention their name. 

Vote [H/N] for the top ten @[H/N]might345 replying to @randomaccount360  hahaha! I am here! 😁

High-key people think that he’s one of those stalkerish fans?? Like he’ll post pictures of you eating at super close angles that no other news site has and it isn’t like a pic a fan has asked for either... it’s like a candid photo of you shoveling back food 

But you guys are legitimately dating?? He lives with you?? It’s just so embarrassing to know that he runs this popular stan account of you that you rarely bring it up asdfg ;; You ;; politely look away.  

Vote [H/N] for the top ten @[H/N]might345 Isn’t @official[Hero Name] the cutest? Here’s them eating the souffle pancakes at Flipper's! It was super good! http://bit.ly/fQE__7riZko

Mashomallow @mashomallowfood  replying to @[H/N]might345 OP how do you know what the pancakes taste like 

Pinky step on me @Minastannn replying to @mashomallowfood  OP pls respond it’s a legit question 

thehighground @ayeyeye  replying to @[H/N]might345  @official[Hero Name] if you are in danger please wink twice  

OHH if you get hate?? He will respectfully put that person in their place in the most eloquent way possible. Five pages, doubled-spaced, MLA format, works cited page. 

[H/N] > Deku >:(  @[H/N]might345  It has recently come to my attention that people online have been saying that Deku is a better hero than [H/N] and I am here to say that is not the case. Not only is pitting two heroes against each other extremely toxic but [H/N] has shown time and time again that they are the more successful Hero. [1/24] 

Show this thread 

He exposes himself by being tagged in those “Get to know them better” trends and it wasn’t like he was ever hiding the fact that he ran the stan account so he has no problem doing it. He’s so casual with posting a selfie of himself and saying his name and likes and dislikes but the people who tagged him just thought that he was just a regular fan?? Not Pro-Hero Deku?? 

#WTFDeku is trending for a whole day in Japan. 

It answers a lot of questions but opens up more. 

Everyone legit thought that @[H/N]might345 was just a rich kid with a lot of free time this whole time. But no?? It was Number One Hero Deku?? Does he make the edits when he’s fighting villains or something asdfg 

It makes him so happy though!! You guys would be chilling and his phone dings from notifications and he’s turning to you so happily like, “Look, [Name]! Another popular fan account retweeted my compilation of you! I can’t believe they noticed me!” Asdf i love this boy. 

Shoto Todoroki: 

LOOK even before you two debuted as Pro-Heroes he was your number one stan buying all the merch, watching all of the interviews. 

Interacts with other fans occasionally. 5K followers. Verified by Twitter for some reason. Has a generic name like @[Name]snumberone and thinks that it’s polite to always end his posts with a simple :) 

He’s told you about his side account before, but you know that he has one dedicated to Endeavor hate, so you always think that he’s referring to that one. 

Horny on main for some reason?? People think that he’s socially inept and doesn’t really understand a lot of jargon or slang, but thanks to Kaminari and all of the other stans he’s studied up because he thinks that’s how you’re supposed to talk on the internet. 

Like someone will post a pic of you holding something between your thighs like a water bottle or your phone or wallet while you tie your hair up or sign something for a fan and he’ll be like “goD i wish that was me.” 

it’s photosynthesUS @queenking[H/N]  Can you believe that there are people out there that don’t think about [H/N]’s thighs at least once a day?? coughcough anyWAY on an unrelated topic here’s several pictures of those beautiful legs http://bit.ly/pH6KeOjpKeI

[H/N]’s biggest fan @[Name]snumberone replying to @queenking[H/N]  I can die happy if those legs suffocated me 

[H/n]’s biggest fan  @[Name]snumberone  Another fan messaged me saying that they liked my account :) thank you. I love [H/N] more than anything. 

[H/N]’s biggest fan  @[Name]snumberone Someone messaged me this from a site called Archive of Our Own? They said since I like [H/N] so much I would like this. It’s pretty enjoyable :) although kind of OOC? (is that right?) 

[H/N]’s biggest fan @[Name]snumberone I thought I would try my own hand at [H/N] fanfiction since it was so fun to read I binged the entire tag last night :) But please be warned that it’s not for underage readers. 

Would try to fight the haters in the most passive-aggressive and aggressive-aggressive way possible. He had no problem with trying to square up against the chief of police and he’s incredibly stubborn. He immediately responds to their post and tries to shut it down as quick as possible and sometimes it’s ;; kinda hurtful 

One time a hater account was spreading negative things about you and after Shoto came on the scene they quickly ended their thread with a “Of course [H/N]’s white knight came to save the day again 🙄🙄”

Within the next hour he changed his bio to “[H/N]’s white knight” 

Doesn’t get that trend where after someone posts something thirsty about someone else another user will reply by thanking them for something random? 

[H/N]’s biggest fan @[Name]snumberone Has anyone seen [H/N]’s arms after their most recent fight with a villain? They can break my back like a glowstick :) and stick their tongue down my throat ig 

Stradandelous @pikadeegeek  replying to @[Name]snumberone  Thank you for paying for my anger management classes :))))

[H/N]’s biggest fan @[Name]snumberone replying to @pikadeegeek  Oh, do you have me confused for someone else? I know that @realbakusatsuou needs anger management lessons 

He gets exposed after someone posts a picture of you and him smiling at each other cutely and someone responds with “🥺🥺 get someone who looks at you the way Shoto looks at [Name] and soba. It must be nice to kiss one of the cutest Heroes of the century” 

[H/N]’s biggest fan @[Name]snumberone  replying to @bossbiccc Thank you but soba will always be number two to [Name] :) and it was nice. 

Everyone then collectively LoSeS their minds and connects the dots like hUH?? You included!! You aren’t spared from this shit!! You spend your whole day with your jaw dropped to the goddamned grOUND as you scroll through his side account. Did he try all of that before or AFTER writing his fanfiction?? 

Endeavor gets news of it and learns just how horny his youngest son is and nearly goes into cardiac arrest. 

He just slurps his soba when everyone under the sun confronts him about it and he’s just like “what about it?” 

Katsuki Bakugou: 

About 600 followers. Doesn’t interact with anyone other than retweeting posts and liking them. Rarely comments. Never answers DM’s. Only follows one person and that’s @official[Hero Name].

You don’t know about it. No one knows about it. If he had it his way, no one will ever know about it.  

Occasionally he posts, but it’s mostly him flaunting the fact that he got limited edition or super expensive [H/N] merch that gets sold out in seconds and he’s super fucking smug. 

my hero [Name] @[H/N][Name] check out my limited edition [H/N] figurine. their costume is covered in real strakowski crystals. they did a good job with the face too.

Whatcanisayyyy his parents are designers. He has a taste for the finer things in life. 

He’s not much of a texter in general? So he doesn’t go off on lengthy arguments with people who post hate like the other two. Surprisingly mature when he does this. He reports or blocks them, but he’s always proud to know that these lowlife people can’t bring up a good argument because he always finds holes in their points. (They also don’t have the whole story. Which is? He loves you.) 

NEVER retweets or likes content that involves you and another Hero being shipped together. Purely Ground Zero x [Hero Name] only. Who gives a damn that Creati x [Hero Name] got the most votes from the Official [H/N] Fan Club?? Bakugou ,,, does not see it. 

Kinda boring really ;; he only has that many followers because he only retweets the BEST [Name] content and he’s fucking proud of it. 

He gets exposed when you and he get dragged to a club with Bakusquad one day. You’re on the dance floor with Mina and Sero and he’s just reclining in the booth retweeting paparazzi pictures of you that night and Kaminari manages to sneak up behind him and takes a picture of him without him noticing. People ofc zoom into his phone screen and find out that hE FUCKING HAS A WHOLE STAN ACCOUNT DEDICATED TO YOU?? When y’all are dating?! He’s retweeting photos of you in your outfit that night when he was right there?? He sometimes uncharacteristically comments 🥺 or 😍 or “my love”??? 

The goddamned UWUs that are passed around that night!!

The unsuppressed anger 😨😨

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway @realbakusatsuou YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!! IT WAS SAID THAT YOU WOULD DESTROY THEM NOT JOIN THEM!! 

Red Riot @theofficialredriot replying to @NOTjammingway The PLOT TWIST OF THE CENTURY! NOT EVEN THE SHARINGAN COULD’VE PREDICTED THIS

Cellophane @Serophanetape  replying to @theofficialredriot  No wonder he’s changed since our school days... 😔😔 as his bros we should’ve seen it... the good in him...the c o n f l i c t 

Pro Hero Ground Zero @realbakusatsuou  replying to @NOTjammingway  Shut. The fuck. UP!!! 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway  ASDFGHJKLHELPMEEEEE http://bit.ly/DVtNve4qySA

Show this thread 

woah pass that  @hellofolksclapclap Transcription of @NOTjammingway’s post that was taken from his IG live for anyone that needs it 😊

[Chargebolt]: [to Red Riot] and anyway, I there I was barbecue sauce— [two knocks appear on his door]. Huh?  [Red Riot]: [walking to the door] were you expecting anyone?  [Chargebolt]: No—? [Door slams open loudly. It falls to the ground off its hinges.] [AHHHHASDGHSPE?] [T/N: how did he manage to keysmash in real life?] Bakugouuuu! [Screams impressively high pitched.]  [Ground Zero]: I’m going to fucking kill you!  [Red Riot]: Bakugou, no! Stop! What would [Name] think?! [Ground Zero]: [Name] can’t fucking look at me without laughing anymore!  [A whole bunch of voices interlap and more screaming ensues.] [A faint ‘wheee’ is heard.]  [END.] 

Eventually he just fucking owns it and is like yEAH!! I HAVE A [NAME] STAN ACCOUNT WHAT OF IT?? 

hero for all  @official[Hero Name] Love you too, @[H/N][Name] <3 <3

Pro Hero Ground Zero @realbakusatsuou  replying to @official[Hero Name] ...You’re lucky I didn’t deactivate the whole fucking account. 

He still retweets things to this day, but now he’s getting more bold. 

Denki Kaminari: 

Unlike the others his official twitter IS his [Name] stan page. 

He’s going back and forth from posting about his battles, his promotional content, and then splits them all with retweets that are like “I’ve NEVER wanted to hold a hand so bad before in my life. I SWEAR!” 

IMAGINE if he did have a stan account though. He would be going back and forth between his official and stan account and like fake beefing with each other. 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway  [Name] just defeated 28 villains today!!! FUCK👏ING👏TWENTY EIGHT👏 The talent in this household... the sexiness... 😳😳

i sent you my love pls respond @[H/N]steponme replying to @NOTjammingway Dude I’m going to steal your lover 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway  replying to @[H/N]steponme  You wouldn’t dare 😤 😤😡

i sent you my love pls respond @[H/N]steponme replying to @NOTjammingway   If that’s your lover why are they buying MY animal crossing turnips? 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway replying to @[H/N]steponme @official[Hero Name]... say it isn’t so... 

hero for all @official[Hero Name]  replying to @NOTjammingway  What the FUCK is going on 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway  Replying to @[H/N]steponme They’re in your acnh island but they’re replying to MY tweets we are not the same 

Since he’s a Pro-Hero and therefore a public figure, sometimes he gets flagged by karens on the internet for saying stuff like “pls sit on my face [Name]” on his official twitter and he always replies to comments that are like “Think about the children!” with “This AINT about them!!”  

If his S/O is getting hate he’ll reply to them such as

dog mom coffee lover @lilyjargon920 I’m sorry I can’t help it, [H/N] is so ugly ESPECIALLY after a fight 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway replying to @lilyjargon920 That’s a strange way to say that you’ve never gotten anyone hot and bothered 

Flip-flops between being super horny and “Can i hold your hand ;;; PLEASE” 

Whenever he takes mirror selfies in his bedroom his bed is like ;; half [H/N] plushies 

Because he’s not hiding anything he’s able to interact with your page freely and most of the time his retweets get more likes than your tweet because he’s just randomly thirsty without it having anything to do with your og tweet. 

He tries tik tok trends on you and reposts it on his twitter as well. He tried the “getting naked in front of partner” challenge while you were in the middle of working at your desk at home and you just looked at him like “Put some clothes on HOE” while laughing and getting back to work. 

He posts Boyfriend ASMR POVs but most of them are like self-indulgent fanfiction and he’s talking to “[Name]” instead of making it open to everyone. 

Everyone in Class 1-A clowns him so hard for this. 

Present Mic plays one of them during his radio one day as a request from a listener and he had to leave the room but since he’s so loud his laughter was basically the only thing people hear. 

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 17 - Sharp selling masks on thier own website.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru starting this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san! (*looks intentionally at J*)

J:Yep

K:Tasai san! (*looks intentionally at T*)

T: *nods*

J: Get it right this time, haha.

K: *laughs* Its started to go funny when I say it carelessly.

J: Well, you kinda zone out a bit, don't you, when you're wearing a mask.

T: Yeah.

K: Its slightly difficult to concentrate.

J: It is difficult.

K: ...with your awareness.

J: If we go on like this into the rainy season, it will feel pretty tough to keep wearing a mask.

T: Yeah.

K: Yeah, but there are those things that you can wrap round your face and neck. I've heard those feel a bit cooler.

J: Yeah, I do think wearing a mask in the rainy season will be tough. At the moment, what I am not sure about is whether or not, and to what extent masks are effective. There are different opinions everywhere you look. In the end, you don't know who to believe. Im at the point of thinking I should wear one to avoid any risk just in case, even if its a small risk.

K: Yeah, and what about your eyes?

J: Yeh, your eyes.

Kami: Yes, yes, yes, yes. 

K: Like, Trump wasn't wearing a mask, but he was covering his eyes, right?

J: Yeah, yeah. Oh! Kami? Are you coming in at this point?

Kami: Yes, yes.

J: Okay, go ahead.

Kami: Um, as for masks, when they were tested on mice, apparently they were effective. They had one side infected with corona next to one side that wasn't, and when they added a mask barrier inbewteen the cages, the infection rate reduced a lot.

T: Ehh?

J: Yeah, I've read about that too.

K: It seems like its better to just wear one.

T: Well, this is the news from Tokyo Sports today, but the home appliance company Sharp are making masks, and selling them at 2980yen for 50, with a delivery fee of 660yen. They are limited to one box per person, and you have to register as a member. So with even Sharp making masks, its like..won't Japan end up with a mask surpluss?

K: You see them a lot don't you? Well, you don't know where they come from though.

J: Well, Sharp is a home appliance maker that has been operating for many decades, but this year has apparently been their best year for sales and profits. They've made the leap over to masks as thier big money maker, instead the of home appliances, which they've sold up to now. Thats how much everyone has ???*1

T: Going from making home appliances to making masks is pretty impressive, right?

J: Yeah.Thats the great thing about Japanese technology. I think people are very reassured to see 'Made in Japan', they prefer Japanese made ones over foreign made ones, especially in terms of hygiene. But it must have been tough for them with their web server going down.

T: Yeah

J: I tried to have a look at thier site, but in the end I couldn't connect to it once ...

T: Were you thinking of buying some?

J: Yeh, I was! But while Im doing this, you can still see masks on sale all over town recently.

T: There are real estate agencies selling masks..

J: Yes, thats it! Even a tapioca drink stand was selling masks.

K: Yeah, but a friend of mine has been selling them too ...they come via a route, you can purchase them directly from the factory in China or somewhere, and then disperse them to people here, so you don't really know where they've been.*2

J: Right? They really are being sold by all sorts of people in all sorts of places. Its incredible.

T: Its a mask bubble.

J: Also, a lot of people are wearing hand made masks, or brand name masks...

K: Washable ones?

J: Yeah, washable ones.

K: Well, its not like they don't work.

J: Yeah.

T: Masks can be fashionable. Do you remember that chain, Dom Dom Burger?

J, K: Oh, nostalgic!

T: Dom Dom Burger have been selling masks with 'Dom Dom' on the side.

K: Thats cute.

T: They've also been really popular. They are cute.

K: That elephant logo?

J, T: Yeah, yeah.

K: I kinda want one of those.

J: Yeah, I want one!

T: So in this way, masks are no longer staying the usually white, but are turning into fashionable items.

J: Well, I usually like Yohji (Yamamoto), and Yohji is also putting out masks, black or white leather.

T: Yohji is doing a white mask?

J: A white one and a black one. Some people are saying this type of thing is cool, or this is want they want.. I want to buy one of his masks, but I can't. Leather is expensive.

K: There are a lot of overseas artists making them too, aren't there?

J: Is there a particular one you like?

K: Well, no, I just thought theres loads of places doing like a design or print on masks at the moment.

J: Will you make a mask with your characters (Krim and Zon)?

T: Ah, that would be good.

K: I wonder if they would sell?

J: Yeah, I think they would.

K: *laughs*

T: Should we (Tokyo Sports) make them?

K: *laughs*

J: Could Tokyo Sports make them?

T:???*3

K: We could have a little Tokyo Sports logo on the side.

J: It would look so fake!

K: *laughs a lot*

J: Like a counterfeit.

T:???*4

J: But that does happen, in this case.

K: I think it would be good. There is that monthly magazine 'Mu' isn't there? You see their logo on tshirts a lot. Tokyo Sports could do that type of thing.

T: Oh, right, yeah. But we did actually make a parker once.

K: Ehh, I want it!

T: And a kind of Idol person really wore it to lives and stuff, and it became a desirable item. Everyone was like, 'Eh?! A Tokyo Sports parker?!'

K: Its good, right?

J: It is good. If you wear something with 'Tokyo Sports' on it, it shows a kind of intelligence.

T: Really?! Im so happy *laughs*

J: It shows you've read around a bit. Its good. Although its a bit strange to say it. Its a bit different from something with an 'Asahi Shimbun' or 'Yomiuri Shinbun' logo. Its 'Tokyo Sports'!

T: Should we put our name on Dir's goods next time?*5 *everyone laughs*

J: Yes, start there.

K: It would be recognized, right?

J: Yeh, everyone would be like, 'Ah, its Tasai san!'. They might buy it. But, conversely, if Kaoru was to make masks, would Tokyo Sports be interested?

T: Of course.

K: But would those characters mean anything to the readers of Tokyo Sports?

T: We could put UFO on the side.

J: Ahh, UFO right?

K: ???*6

J: Well, it sounds strange, but just like how people send out a message with the print on their tshirt, you could do that with masks. For example, how you are feeling today or something...if you have a picture of beer on your mask, people might think, 'ah, that person wants to drink beer'.

T: Thats a good idea.

J: You could show if you are feeling good or bad, like include a message. You could send a message with your mask, send a message without talking.

T: Well, that type of think is developing, isn't it? That kind of fashion style.

K: Yeah, despite not being disposable, you can change your look everyday. Like, you could wear this one on Monday, or pair one with your glasses, or whatever you have that you want to wear.

J: Match it with your feelings, right?

K: ..with everything. 

J: But up to now you see them in white, black and kind of bluey colours, and maybe pink..with womens' masks. But what about more different..

K: More colourful ones?

J: Yeah, deep purple or such..

T: Deep purple?

J: The colours, or the design, like the shape can be..

K: Like this pattern? *gestures to his shirts*

J: Yes, like check or patterned...if they come like this, it will be more exciting to wear a mask. Aren't you looking forward to that a bit?

T: Well, yeah. I think white looks kinda bleak.

J: It does, yeah. You could also put stickers on your mask. It might be a bit difficult to stick them on if it gets fluffy though

K: You could put studs in it.

T: Ah, cool!

J: Should we put studs in?

K: Wasn't Yohji selling one like that?

J: Yeh, that was kind of printed on to it, but it looked like studs.

T: Its good putting different things on masks, right?

J: Well, if masks really are effective, we have to wear them.

K: Right.

J: I'd like some which are more creative. If there is scientific progress, you could have ones that open up when you try to eat.

T: Ah, that would be cool!

K: I think I've seen that kind of video! He looks like he's wearing a mask, but then it opens up when he eats.

J: How does it?

K: It just opens when he opened his mouth.

J: Really?

T: I see.

J: Ehh, there are lots of ways...Well, I don't know if I would wear it, but what about a mask you can kiss with..?

K: A mask you can kiss with? ...What are you talking about? *laughs*

J: Im sorry, at 52 years old, I've gone funny...

K: But, actually, it a good feeling to see normal life returning a little, some stores opening up again, isnt it? Starbucks, for example.

J: Yes, yes.

K: If it spreads more, we'll be in trouble though..

T: But there was that Spanish flu wasn' there?

J: Yeah, 100 years ago.

T: While it was spreading, they didn't know why, but they eventually realised it was spreading where people were gathered together, so maybe corona might be the same, and it might just return to normal after two or three years, I wonder?

K: It will.

J: Yes, we won't be social distancing forever.

Kami: I have something to say. Um, Didn't Dir en grey sell masks before?

K: We made them before, yeh.

Kami: So you sold them, and you also have a song called, 'Mask', right?

K: You know a lot, don't you?

Kami: Have you thought of using that?

T: I see.

Kami: I thought, since everyone needs masks, and you have a song called 'Mask', you could do something.

T: Kami has come in straight talking.

Kami: Thats right.

J: What do you think, Leader?

Kami: Yeh, if you did that..

K: I havn't really thought about it.

J: Hahaha.

K: I havn't thought about it at all.

T: Haha.

Kami: Its a laymans idea. You have a song called 'Mask', so do a mask campaign. But I wasn't sure whether it would fit with Dir en grey's image. But that was a shocking answer.

T: Hahaha.

J: Yeah, I saw Kaoru's expression and he really did answer honestly. But conversely, how about Kami's idea? You might want to try if you think about it a bit more?

K: Ahh, it didn't really resonate with me..

*Everyone laughs*.

K: Well, anyway, see you next week. Thank you very much.

J: Thank you

K: Please subscribe.

*1, 3, 4, 6 Couldn't make it out.

*2, 5 I think this is what he meant.

[megumis-lashes]

Love Bites!

Vampire! Han Jisung x Reader Part 3 (Final part)

**Contains**: mentions of blood/blood drinking, parental abuse, bullying, fighting, slight swearing, emotional abuse, friends to lovers, werewolf Hyunjin, western high school standards, female reader

Flashback =

> Hello

Jisung’s POV

As much as I was overjoyed at how similar name and I were, I was struggling to hold back my anger. I had already been skeptical on what name had been up to throughout the time she stayed at my place, but hearing about the torture she went through the past few weeks was the breaking straw for me. I was furious. Thankfully I was able to have a solid conversation with her in which I rarely had to lie. Well I wasn’t really lying, more just describing my life while keeping it pretty vague. Yes, I am under a lot of pressure from my parents but it’s for slightly different reasons. I’m the next successor in one of the oldest and most powerful bloodlines in all history. A vampiric blood line. These blood lines are thousands of years older than any human bloodline. My family in particular was responsible for keeping balance among the ‘supernatural communities’. My position was so important that if were to fail in some way, a war between supernaturals and eventually humans could break out. It’s not an understatement to say I’m under a lot of pressure.

After watching a movie with name, she fell asleep on the couch. I carried her to her room and as promised, I finished her homework for her. The last thing I had to do for her was save her record. Before I went to sleep that night I made a small plan as to how I would deal with the bullies.

The next day name and I walked to school together. It was strange to say the least. I hadn’t walked with anyone before so I was worried it would be awkward. Thankfully it wasn’t. She seemed to be an extremely good mood but I could tell she was still a bit anxious about her grades.

“Look name, I promised to take care of it ok! You don’t need to worry! Your grades will be back to perfect by the end of the day!” I comforted her as I threw my arm over her shoulder.

“Alright if you say so.” She chuckled. “I’m really in debt to you aren’t I. You’ve helped me so much I have no idea how to pay you back!” She chided as she rubbed her neck bashfully.

“Name! I’ve told you not to worry about it! The only thing you need to do to pay me back is be my friend!” I exclaimed as we neared the school gates. Her cheeks warmed a bit and she adverted her eye contact from mine. If I had the capability to blush, I’d probably be blushing as well. We arrived at the school gates.

“Ha if you say so! Do you want me to meet you here after school?” She questioned.

“No, no I have something to do after school and I’m not sure how long it will take. Meet me at home?” I would convince the bullies to leave her alone after school but I didn’t want name to know.

“Ok if you say so!” She chided as she started walking through the gates.

“Here I’ll walk you to class!”

“But what about them-“

“Don’t worry about it! They’re just jealous! Try your best to ignore them and if it’s really bothering you I’ll talk to them about it!”

“Alright.”

Name was talking about the jealous stares and whispers that would fill the hallways each time someone ‘popular’ came around. I knew it bothered her as on the first day she was incredibly anxious. I learned to just drown out the noise.

After classes were ended I began to walk back to my locker. I quickly packed my bag and began searching the halls. I needed to find those girls and have a little chat with them. I couldn’t let them continue to hurt people out of jealousy. It was pathetic. I found them huddled around their ‘leader’s’ locker, chatting about the day. I tapped the leader on her shoulder, effectively causing her to jerk around facing me.

“Hi your Mia right?” I questioned keeping my ignorant act up.

“Yes. Did you need something?” She giggled. She was clearly enthused that I wanted to talk to her. He shrill giggles were painful to my sensitive hearing.

“Yes. Would you and your friends mind talking outside? I have some questions to ask you.” I tried to act as nonchalantly as possible.

“Sure!” Well that was easier than I thought. I guess they really are blinded by ‘love’. I led the girls outside to a small clearing in the back of the school. I knew that no one would interrupt us there. Once I was sure they were there to listen, I broke my ignorant act and glared at them with an icy stare. They were still trying to keep their ‘nice girl’ act.

“You wouldn’t happen to be those girl who have been bothering name right?” I questioned, a sly smile on my face.

“Oh whatever it’s not like anyone cares about her. We were just putting her back in her place. She can’t always be at the top of the school.” Their ‘leader’ Mia snapped. It didn’t take much for her to get angry. Her ‘nice girl’ act was quickly left behind.

“Are you serious? Do you know how hard she worked to get where she was? Huh? You don’t know even half of the hardships she’s had to face!” I shouted. I was furious.

“Oh? And what do you care? What is she your girlfriend or something? Don’t make me laugh!” She broke out into a small fit of laughter.

“And what if she was huh? What would you do about it? Oh that’s right I know! You’d blackmail her into staying away from her friends and threaten to ruin everything she’s built for herself!” I countered.

“No way she told you? Haha! You think your little speech will change my mind? I can just as easily ruin you!” She continued to chuckle as she wiped small tears of laughter from her eyes.

“Not on my watch.” I mumbled, blinking my eyes more heavily than normal.

As I blinked them open, the girls gasped in shock. My eyes were a blazing red, my pupils shrunken into the slits of a predator. As I opened him mouth to speak, the girls could see the slight glint of the light on my fangs. I made sure to put on a show for them.

“Has anyone ever taught you that actions have consequences?” I growled. As I shifted slightly forward, the girls cowered back in fear. “What are you!” The girls screamed.

“I’m your worst nightmare.” I smirked. This was kind of fun.

The two girls scrambled away in fear, leaving their ‘leader’ to fend for herself. She shouted back in retaliation, furious that her disciples valued themselves more than her.

“I’m willing to make a compromise with you. None of us have to get hurt.” I mumbled as I leaned against the wall.

“W-what is it?” She asked as she shivered.

“If you promise to leave name alone and never bother her again, then I won’t feel the need to hurt you or your friends.” I scoffed.

“Fine. Just don’t touch me you monster!” I cringed at the name. It brought back bad memories.

“Oh and you are to never mention what you saw here today. You tell no one what you’ve seen me look like. Make sure your little friends don’t start spreading rumors either.” I sighed. The last thing I needed were more conspiracy theories about me.

“Whatever. You win. Just don’t hurt me.” She mumbled as she began to collect herself and run away. I sighed. This week was really difficult.

Name’s POV

Time passed fast. Jisung and I grew closer over the weeks I stayed at his house. We bonded over what I thought were completely negative topics to me. It’s strange how friendship works. At the same time I finally started talking to Hyunjin again. I explained the situation to him and he was furious but then saddened by the fact I didn’t trust him enough to tell him anything about my family. He offered to let me stay at his house out of kindness and competition, as he an Jisung seemed to have some form of dislike for each other. I brushed it off as some childish, competitive thing but some of their interactions were a bit strange. Despite them agreeing to act civil around each other when in front of me, I could still see the icy stares they gave each other when they thought I wasn’t looking.

Compared to my previously hectic life, everything seemed to be a lot less stressful now. It was fall, nearing Halloween, and school was nearing fall testing. Jisung had dealt with my bullies in some magical way. I didn’t see them at all and they never bothered me again. The only reminder of their existence was a small note left in my locker. I found it a few days after Jisung had told them off. It was a short note written on a cute pastel card. The girl’s name was Aimee. In the letter she expressed how sorry she was for not helping me out. She explained how the other two girls had persuaded her to be ‘friends’ with them, although they didn’t treat her that way. She was their little errand girl whom they had also blackmailed in the past. The note was sweet so I thanked her for it and asked if she wanted to be friends. She accepted and we often studied together. The only thing that was seeming out of place in this situation was her handwriting on the note. It was messy and looked rushed, almost as if she was writing quickly out of fear. When I asked Aimee about it she said she was simply late for class and was rushing. Maybe I was just looking to far into it? I would’ve dismissed it entirely if it weren’t for Jisung’s description of what happened.

> “Hey Jisung? I mumbled.

> “Hmm?” He hummed as he glanced my way. It was the day after he had ‘taken care of’ my bullies and I was curious.

> “How did you take care of the bullies? It’s been a full 24 hours and I haven’t even caught a glimpse of one of them.”

> “Oh I just uh... scared them a bit a guess.” He chuckled.

> “Huh? Wait you didn’t blackmail them back did you? Jisung!” I shouted as I leaned forward from my spot on the couch.

> “No haha.. I wouldn’t call it black mail. Think of it as a negotiation of sorts. I’m just so good at my social skills I managed to convince them to leave you alone!” He chided.

> “You think I believe that? Hah just say you blackmailed them I won’t tell! Plus what could you have even said? I mean what’s worse than being kicked out of school?” I questioned.

> “Come on Name I told you I didn’t blackmail them! Just forget about it. It doesn’t matter how it happened just be happy they left you alone.”

> Sensing the slight irritation in his voice I decided to leave it alone.

This whole interaction seemed strange to me. Why wouldn’t he feel comfortable telling me what happened? He couldn’t have done something wrong could he? As much as I wanted an answer, I dismissed it as unimportant. The only issue was Jisung began to act very odd. As it neared the end of the month, I saw him less and less. Whenever I questioned him about it, he simply said he was busy with extra school work and errands. I sure as hell didn’t believe him now. Despite his family’s problems, they were never super focused on Jisung’s grades. He wasn’t a bad student but he definitely didn’t care enough about school to voluntarily spend extra time doing work.

It was a cool Friday in late October. Tomorrow was Halloween. Jisung and I had agreed to watch horror movies tomorrow in Halloween spirit. Despite the recent positive events in my life, I was still on edge. Something was out of place. Jisung had been spending less time at home and his excuses became more and more suspicious. I wanted to dismiss the whole idea but it was still nagging at the back of my mind. It was nearing 9:30 PM. Jisung had told me he was going out with friends today and would be home a bit later than normal. I wondered how long he would be out for.

Bored out of my mind I knew I had to do something. I was beginning to feel anxious and I needed to shake off the feeling. I decided to go for a small walk to get hot chocolate from the small shop in town. I quickly grabbed an oversized hoodie, that just so happened to belong to Jisung, and threw on some boots. I grabbed some cash from my wallet and began to walk to the shop. As much as I hoped the cool air would calm me, walking in the night seemed to give the opposite effect than I wished for. It was pitch black, the only light source being the glowing full moon. For some reason the streets that were typically bustling with some amount of people at all times were empty. No was was around. It was quiet, almost too quiet. Suddenly I heard a ‘howl’ from behind me. The loud noise cut through the silence like butter. I shivered, picking up my pace. I could hear growling from behind me as I walked. I was terrified. My quick pace quickly morphed into a sprint as I dashed across the street to the shop doors. I was almost there. Despite the hot breath I could feel at my ankles, I dared not to look back. I didn’t have anything with me to defend myself this time. Upon reaching the shop doors I slammed inside, shocking the few people at the store.

“Is something wrong miss?” The store clerk questioned my dramatic entry. I knew no one would believe my wild animal story so I quickly made up an excuse.

“Ahh I’m sorry! You see I’m in track and cross country and I like to time myself on how long it takes me to run to certain places! Don’t mind me!” I awkwardly rubbed my neck as I slipped into the store. I quickly put together a small hot chocolate and payed for it. I wanted to get home as soon as possible. As I left the store in a light jog, I decided to take a different way home.

My breathing was cut off short as I was slammed into an alley wall. I had been stupid enough to take a back way through an alley. No one would hear me if I called for help. The thing that had slammed me into the wall was what I assumed to be the same animal that had chased me. It was a jet black creature, its features resembling those of a wolf. It was growing and snarling above me. I was wondering as to why it didn’t kill me yet. Surely it was capable of such an act.

“Hyunjin, come on. You know I never agreed to baby sit you all day, but I don’t think your parents would appreciate it if you murdered some girl in an ally way.” I knew that voice. It was Jisung. And he mentioned Hyunjin? What would they be doing over here? My thoughts were cut short when a person, who I could only assume was Jisung, walked towards the creature in front of me. He seemingly ‘chopped’ the creatures neck, effectively knocking the creature to the ground. As the creature fell to the ground, I was met with the face of the boy I had spent my time with lately, Han Jisung.

The usually hyper boy looked like completely different now. He wore a black sweatshirt and jeans along with black combat boots. His appearance was rather disheveled. The most disturbing features of all were how inhuman he looked. He had piercing red eyes, his pupils shrunken to the slits of a predator. He had blood all over his face, more specifically trailing from the corner of his mouth. His sweatshirt was torn in multiple places, the one that stood out the most were the long claw shaped tears. Through the holes I could see his skin glimmer with blood. He had been wounded somehow.

“N-name?” He stuttered. “What are you doing out here at night?” I shivered. I had no idea how to react to the images in front of me. I was shocked to say the least.

“I c-could ask you the same thing J-jisung! What are you doing?” I questioned. I had never been more confused and concerned.

“Uuhhh..” He scratched his neck nervously. “It’s hard to explain. But it’s not as bad as it looks ok! I’ll explain when we get home....but first....” he mumbled avoiding eye contact.

“Huh?” I was still extremely confused. I didn’t want to just jump to conclusions but he didn’t exactly look innocent. Seeing the confusion etched on my face, Jisung sighed and pointed to the ground. I glanced down and nearly collapsed out of shock. On the ground was Hwang Hyunjin. He looked almost five times as disheveled as Jisung. He was clad in black as well. His shirt was in shreds leaving him practically shirtless. The most shocking detail was his wolf like featured. He had patches of pitch black fur scattered across his skin paired with black ears and tail. From what I could tell he also had fangs. He was sound asleep on the ground.

“Could you help me carry him home? He won’t wake up for at least 24 hours and I could really use your help.” Jisung pleaded. I stumbled back into the wall, almost tripping over my own feet. Then I started chuckling which eventually built into a full blown laughing fit.

“Ji-Jisung! Haha! This is the most elaborate prank I’ve ever seen! It’s hilarious honestly! You just wanted to scare me for Halloween huh! But I’m curious as to how you did it! Hyunjin’s costume looked so realistic!” I squeezed out between laughs. When I looked up I saw Jisung. He had the most dead pan expression on his face.

“Name, we’re not joking or pranking you for that matter.” He stated. I shuffled, my laughter trailing into silence.

“Huh? You’re kidding me.” I didn’t want to believe it.

“Look name, I really don’t want to explain everything in a dark alleyway. If you can help me bring Hyunjin home I promise I’ll explain everything thoroughly.” He began reaching for Hyunjin’s body.

“Please name.” He pleaded, making eye contact for the first time that night. His eyes were still a fiery red.

“Alright, but you sure as hell better explain everything.” I mumbled as I threw Hyunjin’s right arm over my shoulder.

Carrying Hyunjin home was just as difficult as Jisung said. He was taller than both of us and didn’t exactly weigh nothing. It took a solid half an hour to carry him to Jisung’s house. We brought him to another guest room and closed the door. Out of exhaustion, we both collapsed on his sofa.

“Ok Han, explain.” I stated as I made eye contact with him. He was still covered in blood and his hoodie was still iin shreds.

“Actually let me fix your wounds first.” I quickly went to grab a first aid kit and a wet towel. I handed him the towel and told him to wash his face.

“Lift up your sweatshirt I’ll clean your stomach wounds.” I bashfully looked away.

“No don’t worry about those. They’ll heal on their own.” He waved his hands in front of him.

“Jisung those wounds are deep. If I don’t clean them they’ll get infected.” I pushed up his sweatshirt myself, blushing at the contact, and washed his wounds with the towel.

“Name I’m serious you don’t need to do anything! Give them a minute and they’ll be gone!” He pleaded.

“I told you these wounds are deep! You could die if they get infected!” He shook his head and nodded towards the wounds. I went to continue checking them to see something surprising. The wounds were gone. The only sign that they were there at all were the slight scars that remained.

“See I told you not to worry. I don’t die that easily.” He murmured. “The scarring should go away in a couple hours.” I blinked in shock. I sat back on the couch.

“Somehow you now have even more to explain.” I stated, rolling my eyes.

“Alright I’ll explain. But you have to promise me you won’t laugh.” He crossed his arms.

“Fine.” I was ready to hear his explanation.

“Alright so I’ll start from the beginning. I’m not human. I’m what you humans would call a ‘vampire’ as dumb as it must sound.” He sighed and rubbed his neck. “I drink blood for survival but not from humans, from animals. I honestly don’t like it but I would die if I didn’t. I’m the next successor of my family’s blood line, I wasn’t lying when I said that. My parents have always been ‘peace keepers’ of sorts. I have to be strong enough to take the position. It’s a lot of pressure.” He paused to massage his temples. This was clearly difficult for him to explain. “About what you saw today, it’s a full moon. Most ‘supernaturals’ like me are at full strength on full moons as cliche as it sounds. Most typically hunt on those days. For my physical features of course you’ve seen my eyes and healing abilities but I also have fangs of course.” He opened his mouth to show me.

“What about Hyunjin? Is he a werewolf or something?” I chuckled. I was more amused than scared at this point.

“Actually you’re correct! He’s a werewolf, in a similar position to me. He’s the next alpha of his pack. The only issue is he’s terrible at controlling his wolf, especially on full moon days. I’m typically assigned to watch over him on those days, despite the feud between vampires and werewolves.” He explained.

“Wow.” I was at a loss of words. Despite all this I still wasn’t scared. I knew neither of them would try to harm me, at least not out of free will. I was just shocked as all.

“Look name I’m really sorry for keeping this all from you! It’s hard to explain and I understand if you don’t want to be friends-“ I quickly cut him off by pressing my lips to his. A quick peck was enough to make him stop talking.

“Jisung!” I giggled. “You don’t how to worry about it I understand! I know neither of you would harm me and I can see that this is a difficult topic to explain! I’m here for you just like you are there for me!” I smiled. I was happy he trusted me enough to explain this. He blinked in shock. Still processing that I had just kissed him. He quickly broke from his trance and rubbed his neck bashfully.

“Wow I didn’t expect you to take it that well. I honestly thought you would hate me.” He chuckled

“Come on I could never hate you! I do like you after all!” I’m not sure how this conversation ended with a confession, but for some reason I was feeling confident.

“Really? You can like me even while knowing what I really am?” He questioned in disbelief.

“Yep! You’re still Jisung aren’t you?” I giggled.

“Well in that case I like you too!” This time he kissed me effectively stopping me from laughing.

For the rest of that night we watched Halloween theme movies, some of which Jisung ruined by claiming they were all false. Everything seemed fine until we finished the second movie. It was really late now and I was close to passing out. Jisung got up and began to put his shoes and coat on.

“Jisung where are you going it’s really late?” I questioned, rubbing my eyes to stay awake.

“Well you see I was watching Hyunjin the whole time and didn’t have much time to hunt. I’m really hungry.” He confessed while scratching his neck, I nervous habit he would constantly lean into.

“This late though? It’s not safe!” I began to walk to him.

“Name you know I can hold my own ground. I’ll be quick I promise!” He waved his hands in front of him.

“Why don’t you just eat here?” I questioned.

“From where-“ I cut him off.

“From me! I promised to help you! You can drink from me!” I proclaimed. The look on his face said other wise.

“No no absolutely not happening! I never drink from people! I don’t want to hurt you!” He frantically dismissed my idea.

“I know you won’t hurt me! Plus I can always tap you if it becomes to much! Pleassseee! I promise I’ll be ok!” I really wanted him to stay here. Despite his strength, walking outside in the middle of the night wasn’t exactly safe.

“Alright but just this one time! And only a little!” He still didn’t look very convinced. We walked to his sofa and sat down.

“Alright so how does this work?” I asked tilting my head in confusion.

“So I’ll just bite your neck. It will be slightly painful at first but it’ll fade. I’ll be quick I promise. Are you sure you want to do this?” He questioned out of concern.

“I’m sure! I’ll be fine ‘Sung you don’t need to worry!”

He gulped and gently turned my head, giving him greater access to my neck. He brought his face to the area. I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain. He bit down. As he described there was a slight prick of pain but it quickly dissipated. It evolved into a feeling of numbness. It felt kind of nice. We sat there for a few minutes until Jisung pulled away.

“Are you alright?” He questioned, staring into my eyes.

“I’m fine.” I smiled. “I am really tired though.” I yawned. He nodded. He stood up and grabbed a cup of water and a bandaid. As I was drinking the water he placed the bandaid over my small wound. He kissed my forehead and led me to bed.

“Let’s go to sleep.” He smiled.

We both climbed into his bed. I pecked his lips one last time before closing my eyes and snuggling up to him.

“Hey Jisung?” I mumbled.

“Yeah?”

“I think I love you.”

“I think I love you as well”

I smiled and I drifted to sleep. Today had been an even full day.

Also happy belated Halloween :) 🎃

[helluvalatte]

a screenplay i wrote for drama class

!! DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION !!

this was very fun for me to do, i pray i get a good grade on this

---

Honeyed Incense - A Romance by @helluvalatte

Characters

Saffron White - A reserved and rather standoffish girl who gets flustered easily. People don’t know much about her due to her quiet personality and sarcastic demeanor, but she can be a ball of sunshine, radiant and joyful, if you get to know her. She serves as the voice of reason for her best friend, Karma, but definitely quite impulsive in some situations.

Victoria “Tori” Murphy - A nonchalant and chill girl with a hobby for drawing anybody interesting she sees, mostly the people in her class. Doesn’t seem too noticeable, but isn’t plain in the slightest and is one of the first people who is known to be bisexual by most of the school. Never really reacts much to situations and doesn’t talk to a lot of people.

Karma King - A laid-back and funny person with a knack for teasing their friends and making people all around them laugh. Loves their boyfriend Indigo and their best friend Saffron to death and is incredibly overprotective of both of them, as well as helping them with social advice. Always playing pranks on people, and is very rarely the voice of reason.

[Scene I, a homeroom class, with Saffron at the door, scanning the class while taking a deep breath and appearing as though she’s looking for an empty seat despite only a few people being present.]

SAFFRON, THINKING: Ah yes, my very last year of sitting in a class that reeks of souls slowly withering. I can identify each of them now. (She glances to individual seats, remembering the types of people that have sat at those exact spots for the past three years.) There’s the future gas station attendants, the two-faced rich kids, the emotionally stunted loners, the anime-obsessed dorks...and then there’s her seat.

(The view pans to a girl sitting by the window, chewing on her pen as she stares down at her worn notebook, filled with drawings. Her eyes shine modestly as the sunlight filters from the window, and Saffron can’t help but let out a soft sigh. The girl appears lost in thought, completely ignoring the chatter around her.)

SAFFRON, THINKING: Victoria Murphy, mysterious enigma of Room 168, and, contrary to popular belief, the cutest girl in our grade. At least...according to me. Who can blame me? I’ve been head over heels for her since day one, of course I’d think she’s pretty. But, haha, does she think the same? Absolutely not.

(She walks to her desk and places her bag next to her seat. If she glances left, she can get a perfect view of Victoria. However, her daydreaming is interrupted when someone sits down next to her.)

KARMA: Saffy, my dear chaotic gay! How was your summer?

SAFFRON: You spent it with me, Karma. I think you’d know.

KARMA: Ah, details, details! Anyway, anything interesting you wanna tell your good friend Karma before class begins?

SAFFRON: (Glances briefly to Victoria, but quickly plays it off as getting her notebook) Uh...no, sorry.

KARMA: You wound me, thinking you can fool me so easily! We’ve been friends since grade school, Saffy; I know exactly when you lie and what you lie about. And don’t think I didn’t catch you drooling over Murphy just now; that’s what this is about, isn’t it?

SAFFRON: (Claps her hand over Karma’s mouth quickly before glancing nervously to an oblivious Victoria) Dude, shut up! She could hear you!

KARMA: (Laughs and pulls her hand off) She’s got headphones on, little miss paranoid. Just work up the guts and tell her! What’s the worst that could happen?

SAFFRON: Let’s see. She could reject me, laugh about it with all her friends, never speak to me again, hate me for the rest of her life, possibly file a restraining order against me-

KARMA: Okay, okay, geez! I didn’t mean for you to actually answer that.

SAFFRON: Then don’t ask.

KARMA: You wound me deeply, Saffy. Hey, is Murphy over there looking at you?

(Saffron makes a confused hum and flicks her eyes over to Victoria, who is indeed looking their way, chin planted on her hand as she gazes at the two with an unreadable expression, ignoring the other students filing in. Saffron quickly glances away as soon as their eyes locked, Victoria doing the same.)

SAFFRON, UNDER HER BREATH: Holy crap.

KARMA, UNDER THEIR BREATH: I know. Victoria Murphy, the one you’ve been crushing on since grade school, was staring at you! At least, I think.

SAFFRON: There’s no way. She was probably looking at you. Heaven knows you’re attractive; literally half of our class has had a crush on you before.

KARMA: Aw, you flatter me, Saph. Yes, although I am roguishly attractive and people just cannot resist my charm, I am inclined to believe that it was you that our dear Victoria was so intently focused on. Besides, I have a boyfriend, I’m not up for grabs.

SAFFRON: (Rolls her eyes) As if. Still have no clue how Indie deals with you.

KARMA: Excuse me? This body is flawless. Everyone wants a piece of me. I’ve even got the creepy fan letters to prove it-

(They suddenly stop, eyes widening with a mix of emotions in their eyes, ranging from surprise to maniacal glee. Saffron turns around to see what they were staring at and her eyes widen as she sees Victoria standing before them, playing with the hem of her skirt as she fidgets nervously. Saffron feels Karma insistently nudge her leg with their foot under the table as a sign to greet her.)

SAFFRON: Hey, um...can I help you?

VICTORIA: Yeah. I noticed you, uh- you saw me looking at you? Earlier? And I was kinda wondering…

SAFFRON: Yeah?

VICTORIA: Why were you, uh...why were you looking back at me?

SAFFRON: Um- I- excuse me? (Blinks, a bit flustered)

VICTORIA: (Rubs the back of her neck and glances away briefly) I mean, I didn’t mind it, I wasn’t uncomfortable, I’m just...curious, I guess. I did see you looking at me, and I would’ve understood why, but you didn’t know I was looking at you before, I think. Sorry about that, by the way. So...why?

(Saffron hesitates, trying to string together words that’ll form a sentence that won’t creep Victoria out. Karma watches, trying to avert their gaze to not come off as rude.)

SAFFRON: I just...okay, can we talk about this somewhere else, please? I don’t...I don’t think a classroom full of, uh- full of kids would be the best place to talk about this.

VICTORIA: Yeah, okay. Meet me outside the school, near the oak trees, after classes?

(Saffron can only nod as Victoria tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and flashes a soft smile before returning to her desk and continuing her doodles, plugging in her earphones and letting the sunlight bathe her face again. Saffron stares, dumbfounded, before burying her face in her sleeves and trying to muffle her little screech.)

SAFFRON: Oh my god, she smiled at me. Karm, I think I’ve ascended to the astral realm. I’m dreaming. This is what heaven feels like. I’m one with the iconic gays.

KARMA: Yeah, I can see that. What are you gonna say to her?

SAFFRON: You know what? I’m gonna confess. (Sits up with a determined look on her face) I’m gonna tell her that I like her.

KARMA: Dude...you’re joking. Right?

SAFFRON: Look in my eyes and tell me that again.

KARMA: I- geez, okay then. So what are you gonna say?

SAFFRON: I’ll be direct, tell her straight up that I like her. That’ll make it obvious, right?

KARMA: You go, girlie. Tell me how it goes, alright?

SAFFRON: Yeah. I just...hope I don’t regret this.

KARMA: You won’t, if the way she’s making those big heart eyes at you is anything to go by.

SAFFRON: Shut your mouth.

[Scene II, underneath a tall oak tree outside of the school. Victoria is waiting patiently, watching clouds bump into each other against the bright blue sky until she sees Saffron running up the small hill to the peak, under the oak tree.]

SAFFRON: (Slowing down to a walking pace, playing with her sleeves) Hey. Uh...did I keep you waiting long?

VICTORIA: (Smiles softly) No, you’re fine. I just got here a few minutes ago.

SAFFRON: Okay- that’s, uh- that’s good.

VICTORIA: (Giggles softly) Are you always this nervous?

(She laughs a little bit, and Saffron finds her laugh very pretty, but can’t help but deflate at the fact that Victoria is seemingly laughing at her. Victoria, noticing this, ceases her laughter and is quick to apologize.)

VICTORIA: (Clears her throat) I, uh- sorry. Your nervousness is just kinda cute.

SAFFRON: (Blushes a pale pink) I- uh- thank you?

VICTORIA: Anytime. So...care to answer my question from before? (Plays with her hair a bit as she waits)

SAFFRON: I- uh- shoot, um…

VICTORIA: (Smiles encouragingly) It’s okay, take as much time as you need. I’m in no rush and I don’t imagine you are either.

SAFFRON: Okay, um...shoot, this is really hard for me to do…

VICTORIA: (Takes Saffron’s hand comfortingly, squeezing it) It’s alright. Think of me as a friend you can trust. You can tell me.

SAFFRON: (Looks away, tearing up a bit) See, that’s the thing-!

VICTORIA: (Confused) What is?

SAFFRON: Look, I just- ugh...just listen, okay? Because this isn’t easy for me to do.

(She looks down to hide her forming tears at the thought that Victoria will reject her harshly, albeit thinking that she probably deserves it. Victoria watches her carefully, not saying anything.)

SAFFRON: Look, I...I’ve known you for a while, watched you since nearly grade school. I know we haven’t talked much, but…

VICTORIA: But…?

SAFFRON: I just...just listen, okay? Because I’m only going to say this once!

(Victoria nods, and Saffron takes a deep breath before gently pulling her hands away from Victoria’s and clenching her fists.)

SAFFRON: I...I like you. I really do. As in, like-like you. As in...I want to watch the stars with you and hold your hand and kiss your knuckles while telling you how much I love you, that kind of like.

(Victoria doesn’t say a word, and the nervousness of the moment sends Saffron into a ramble.)

SAFFRON: I’ve always admired you. You’re always so reserved, I can never read you, and that’s what draws you to me. You always smell like this kind of...this kind of...honeyed incense? It’s nice and smoky and sweet and I love it but I always felt scared that I’d come off as creepy if I just...y’know, admired your scent in front of you? And I know your eyes are that smoky dull kind of color, but when the sunlight hits them, they just become so...so bright and sparkly and full of life, and I can’t help but fall for you. And I know you probably don’t like me back, and that’s okay! We just met, so it’s normal. I mean, I shouldn’t even assume anything, I just-

(She’s cut off when her right hand is taken into Victoria’s left, the latter’s other hand going to cup Saffron’s cheek. Victoria’s right hand is cold, and Saffron wonders why the other is warm.)

VICTORIA: I’m going to say this, and I will repeat it as many times as you want me to. I’ve always liked you, always watched you from a distance. You were always so sweet to those you liked, and yet you were so closed in; I wanted to get to know you better, wanted to talk to you a bit, but every time I mustered the courage to come up to you and start a conversation, my heart would wobble and I’d choke on my words.

(Saffron is lost for words, stammering and failing to form a coherent sentence. Victoria offers a soft yet awkward smile that just makes Saffron’s heart melt.)

VICTORIA: (Glances away nervously, biting her lip) But...even after all of this, I still don’t know you that well, so maybe we could get to know each other before we let our feelings turn into...a relationship?

SAFFRON: (Nods understandingly despite being shaken up) I..I understand.

(Victoria opens her mouth to say something, but snaps it shut, pursing her lips anxiously. Saffron’s head tilts curiously.)

SAFFRON: Did you want to say something?

VICTORIA: Uhm...I…

SAFFRON: You can tell me, I promise.

VICTORIA: Okay, I’m going to do something crazy. Close your eyes. Do you trust me?

SAFFRON: (Eyebrows furrow, but soon relax as she nods) Always and forever. (Closes her eyes slowly)

VICTORIA, UNDER HER BREATH: (Takes a deep breath) Okay, you can do this, Tori. You got this. No going back now.

(Victoria bites her lip before moving her hand to the back of Saffron’s neck and pulling her in, leaning in just enough to place a chaste kiss on the corner of Saffron’s lips. Saffron’s eyes fly open as soon as the kiss is placed on her skin, and Victoria pulls away quickly.)

VICTORIA: I- I’m sorry, was that too forward-? I- I just- uhm-

(Saffron lets out a light laugh, causing Victoria to look at her with a mix of confusion and hurt until she’s pulled close and kissed gently, on the lips, properly this time. She hesitates for a moment before kissing back lightly, and it lasts for a few more heartbeats before they pull away slowly, staring into each other’s eyes, starstruck.)

SAFFRON: That...that just happened.

VICTORIA: Yeah, it did.

SAFFRON: I just kissed Victoria Murphy.

VICTORIA: Yeah you did.

SAFFRON: Oh my god, I just gave Victoria Murphy a kiss.

VICTORIA: Yes you did, dearie. Y’know, I wouldn’t mind more.

SAFFRON: Wh- (Realizes what Victoria said, flushing a pale pink) Oh wow, okay, that was super forward and cute and I was not ready for that-

VICTORIA: (Giggles as her alarm rings) Hn? Oh… (Trails off sadly as she notices what’s on her phone screen) I have art class in a few minutes. Maybe we could...I don’t know, get coffee sometime? We can get to know each other there, yeah?

SAFFRON: Y- yeah. Sounds...sounds good.

VICTORIA: (Pulls a sticky note and a pen from her bag, scribbling something down and handing the paper to Saffron) Here’s my number. Text me, yeah?

SAFFRON: Yeah, o- okay.

VICTORIA: Good. (Leans in and pecks Saffron’s cheek) See you later then. And call me Tori. (Winks and turns around, heading down the hill and to the school parking lot)

(Saffron stares after her until her figure is barely distinguishable, holding the paper close to her chest. After Victoria is out of sight, she sighs dreamily, a tiny smile crossing her features. She glances down to the paper in her hands, a soft breeze fluttering across the terrain and tangling itself in her hair. She smiles and looks up at the sky, heart fluttering.)

SAFFRON: See you later then, Tori.

-fin-

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

Fic author ask meme

haha so @veliseraptor​ tagged me literally months ago, as in so long ago I have no idea when it actually was, and I didn’t get all my answers typed up until...now. actually a lot of them were typed up a few months ago and then I finally finished this yesterday on the plane home. no, I don’t know why either

Author Name: 100indecisions on AO3

Fandoms You Write For: it's pretty much all Loki at the moment and has been for the last several years. I've written for other fandoms in the past and I have others on my WIP list, but yeah, it's like 95% Loki.

Where You Post: everything is on AO3, and I do mean "everything" because I get obsessive about that sort of thing. I do still have an FFN account under ladymoriel and most of my fics are reposted there, although none of my most recent fics are because I haven't gotten around to digging up cover images for them. also FFN sucks but I crave attention/validation and there are still some people who only use FFN, so I'll get around to it at some point.

Most Popular One-Shot: for some reason “the state of my head” has 1,157 kudos on AO3, so I guess it would be that one.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: technically “the adventures of tiny Loki and Thor (and friends),” because it’s a multi-chapter fic (boy is it ever) and it has 1,020 kudos, but if we’re talking actual planned fic it would be “the kindness of strangers” at 623.

Favorite Story You Wrote: man, I don’t know. I’m partial to “I am a time bomb ticking away the hours to blow your world apart” because I like my headcanon and I think I structured it well, and “all this that is more than a wish is a memory” gets points for being the longest thing I’ve actually finished. but honestly I don’t know that I have a single favorite.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: haha well I'm sure there's been more than one, but if we're talking about the fic I was most nervous to post, I think that honor would go to my Grandthorki fic "I will kiss you till your breath is found," which is the most explicit AND most fucked-up fic I've written so far. I was nervous about...so many things with that one.

How Do You Pick Your Titles: probably 99% of them are song lyrics. sometimes I'll start with a specific song that's relevant to the fic itself in some way, but I also have a whole list of song lyrics that sound like good titles to me whether the rest of the song has anything to do with the subject of the fic. often I'll come up with a good lyric early in the process, just like "oh yeah I've had this hanging around in my list for ages and it works here"; otherwise, once I've finished or nearly finished a fic (or much earlier, actually, if I'm obsessing over an aspect of writing it that is...not actually writing, which happens a lot), if I still don't have a title I read through my whole list and make a much shorter list of titles that seem to fit this fic. if nothing from there seems just right, I’ll go hunting through my iTunes library and then Google for semi-relevant song lyrics. on occasion, though, the title comes first or otherwise shapes the direction of the fic, like with "I will kiss you till your breath is found"--I had a vague idea of what I might want to do, but it was very vague and I hadn't committed to it, and then I just happened to listen to some Sufjan Stevens and went "heyyyyy I know exactly what to do and it's terrible and I'm gonna do it, I have a title now, I have to do it"

Do You Outline: it depends on the fic. for long ones, at a minimum I'll write a bulleted list of plot points I need to hit, which often ends up being basically two or three pages of a zero draft that I then struggle to turn into actual prose...and then I often re-do the outline at least once or twice as I go along so I can compress it into something more useful that fits on one page and I can cross stuff out as I go. (if a list can’t fit on one page/view, there’s basically no way I can hold all of it in my head at once.) I often end up with shorter lists of scenes I still need to write and specific things to hit during revisions, too. for short fics it's not really necessary, although I often do still write up something similar if I've let it drag out over way too much time and I can't keep straight what I wanted to do with it. (don't be me.)

How Many of Your Stories are complete: welllll, as a rule I don't post WIPs because I know myself well enough to know that that way lies several different kinds of madness, so in general, my only completed fics are what's up on AO3, and everything there is complete. in practice that's not 100% true because I'm very bad at deadlines and I have a few different fics where I couldn't finish in time and I either posted the first chunk of the fic that still functioned as a self-contained story even if it wasn't the full story I'd planned to write, with the intention of properly finishing it later, or I did the same thing but worse because the part I posted was...not really a complete story. in my defense I've only done the latter a couple times, and in the case of "going down to nowhere" I really thought I'd be posting the rest soon because it was all written, it was just extremely rough, and for various reasons I still haven't gotten around to revising and posting the remaining 80% of the fic. (as far as the opposite issue goes, I have 0 finished fics that I haven't posted anywhere, because I'm too obsessive about being complete to do anything else. I think I do have one old, extremely short, very bad Lost fic on FFN that I never reposted to AO3 because I decided it sucked...and if we're being completely technical about it, I have some stories I wrote as a little kid that are technically fanfic because they featured licensed characters, but nobody wants to see those. all the other old stuff I haven't posted, including at least two Neopets fics, never got finished and that's the only reason I never posted them anywhere.)  

In-Progress: uhhhh. well, this made me realize my posted WIP list is out of date, not because I've finished anything on it but because I have MULTIPLE short fics that were supposed to be QUICK so I figured I didn't need to bother putting them on the list and then they weren't quick because I am so fucking bad at 1) sitting down and actually writing and 2) finishing anything. But yeah, basically what’s on there.

Coming Soon: fuck, I don’t know. Half the fics on my WIPs list are ones I thought I could crank out in one or two sittings, AND YET. But I’d like to finish the rest of my Whumptober fic soon, because that one really should be pretty easy...and I’d also like to finish the short little Endgame fix-it I thought of on my way out of the theater, where 2012!Loki hops universes and revives IW!Loki...and then there’s the even older IW/Endgame fix-it that’s basically just “everything is fine because I say so, let’s have a little recovery”, especially because I’m like 90% sure that one’s almost done but probably some of it needs typing up and then it all needs stitching together...oh, and finally getting around to finishing typing one of two notebooks reminded me that the other theoretically short fix-it where the Guardians pick up both Thor and Loki is also nearly done, I just need to finish typing it. so...one of those, probably.

Do You Accept Prompts: in theory, although I...don't think I get prompts often enough to know one way or another? plus my brain is The Worst, so my general reaction to actually getting a prompt is basically "that's interesting but I have never had an idea in my life, ever, and apparently I'm not starting now", with an added element of social anxiety or something because it's Somebody Else's Idea and that puts a mental block on my ability to develop it as my own idea. so...anyone's welcome to send me prompts, with the understanding that I might well never do anything with it and if I do, it might take literal years.

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: I also don’t know. I mean, in recently typing up some older stuff (like the one where the Grandmaster decides publicly executing Loki sounds like a fun idea, from which I posted a couple excerpts recently) I got excited about those again, which is a good reminder of why I want to stay on top of my typing, but I don’t know if I’m more excited for one specific fic than others.

Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer These Questions: I have no idea who might have answered this months ago so I’ll just say that if you read this post and you want to answer these questions, please consider yourself tagged. yes, that means you.

[purplesurveys]

474

Tumblr makes the spacing kinda weird by the end, idk why but I hope it gets better for everyone else who wants to take this haha.

ONE - HI THERE! It’s an intro!

What do most people call you? Robyn. In what month is your birthday? April. What country were you born in? The beautiful but politically miserable Philippines. Do you have siblings? How many, if you do? I do; I have two. I’m the eldest, but they aren’t that far off from me. Who do you live with? I’m still studying so I’m living with family for now – mom and dad, a sister and a brother, and a dog. I really want to move out in the next couple of years though.

Are you in a relationship? Yes. Do you go to school? As I said, yes. I’m in university but I’m supposed to graduate next year. What mood are you in right now? Well, I wrapped up my internship last week and my entire weekend was booked with stuff I did, so now I’m just super glad to be home and bum around after all that hectic-ness. I just had 8 hours of sleep and am feeling pretty well-rested right now. What does your shirt look like? I’m wearing a big-ass gray Knicks sweater that’s like 3 sizes bigger for me. What’s your zodiac sign? Taurus.

TWO - Your Appearance

If you could have plastic surgery on any one body part, what would it be?Boobs. They’re so abnormally small that I’m tired of having to waste what would have been completely bomb outfits just because of my chest.

Are you satisfied with your hair? It could have less baby hair, honestly. But I’m fine with it for the most part.

Do you have a hitchhikers or a straight thumb? It’s a straight thumb. My left pinky is quite crooked though.

What colour are your eyes? Dark brown.

Do you have any tan lines? No, I haven’t gone to the beach in a while.

How old do people usually think you are? I just asked this question to Gabie last week and she said that I look 15.

What about your appearance do you get complimented on the most? Face and my overall figure.

Are you comfortable with your weight? Sure, but it’s always worrisome when I get to the lower 90s.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos? Where? Yeah, just the basic earlobes piercings that my parents got for me when I was a couple of months old.

How tall are you? I am 5′1″ and a half. I’m shorter than 5′2″, that’s for sure.

THREE - True or False

I love winter. Neither true or false as I have never experienced snow. I think I’d love it though.

I have eaten meat in the past five days. True. Filipinos eat meat a lot.

I have painted a room in a house. False. My mom is so controlling over adult things like that so she hired people to do it to all our rooms.

I can whistle. True. I learned pretty early.

My keyboard is black. True-ish? The buttons are black, but the spaces between them are silver.

I have never bought something off an infomercial. True. My mom would be so furious because it would be her money anyway.

I own a snuggie / would like to own a snuggie. False.

I bite my pens / pencils. False. I do bite my straws though.

I wear glasses / contacts. True.

My nails are painted right now. False.

FOUR - Childhood Memories!

What was your all time favourite movie as a kid? THE GAME PLAN, without a shadow of a doubt. Watched that shit everyday through third and fourth grade. My runner-up would be High School Musical.

Do you still have your first pair of shoes somewhere? Doubt it. My mom isn’t big on memories like me.

Did you have anything you always dragged around the house, like a blanket?Nope. I did use my parents’ blanket as a cape some days, and other days it would be a gown train and I’d pretend I was the Queen, but I wouldn’t drag it because it would get dirty.

What toy did you play with the most? I was always into grownup stuff so I always got kitchen appliances, dollhouses, etc. I once had toys that mimicked a pizza restaurant and it had a pizza roller and it was super fun for me haha. Once I got a pretend cash register though it was game over for all these bitches.

Did you ever bring your favourite toys in the bathtub? We didn’t have a bathtub, but yeah we would bring in our toys when we would shower.

Did you used to take baths with siblings/cousins? ^ Ooh, barely missed it. Yes, we did.

Are you still friends with your best friends from long ago? A handful are still my best friends. I keep in touch with most of my batchmates from my high school because we’re all close and we’re family and there was generally very little drama – and if there was, it was easy to let go.

Do your parents ever tell you stories about how cute/silly you were? They have several stories, but I was mostly a quiet kid who didn’t like getting in trouble.

Did you go to the park often? What was a typical outfit for the 5-year-old you?Blouses with a girly pattern, denim jeans, and Nike rubber shoes. The top always has to be tucked in.

FIVE - FAVOURITES

Actor/Actress: Kate Winslet

Singer/Band/Both: Beyonce / Paramore

Chocolate: Reese’s

Toothpaste: ??? Whatever we have at home I guess?

Picture of yourself: Nah man, not doing that here.

Pair of sunglasses: I don’t have a favorite.

Vegetable: Broccoli!

Sandwich: Monte Cristo

Aspect of nature: Waterfalls

Word to say: “Literally”

SIX - Love Life ;)

Who was the first person to ever ask you out? No one’s ever asked me out before. Although I think that dude from one of my classes in sophomore year intended to…but I dunno. We were paired up together for this class and he wanted to spend time with me in a coffee shop after our work was done; I didn’t feel comfortable just being by myself so I told him in advance that I was gonna be bringing Gabie…never heard from him ever again :/

What does your ideal date consist of? Dinner somewhere nice (Italian or Japanese) should be enough for me.

What’s one thing your partner must be able to accept about you? I get sad and I’ll need loooooooong stretches of time alone some days.

Does your ideal person have any special talents? She can paint and draw. She doesn’t really share these with other people but she does with me.

Do your parents like the person you’re with? (Or the last person) My parents liked Mike and were convinced something was happening between us lmao. They don’t know about my relationship with Gabie yet.

Do you like pet names? Yes when it’s just the two of us. Publicly, I control myself, cos I know it annoys me when other people are too showy/vocal. Like I don’t call Gab pet names when we’re out with friends; and when we’re out at the mall or whatever, I’m not very physical other than holding her hand.

What is your age range? Same age. I can’t imagine dating someone younger or older, but then again this is because I haven’t had any other experience.

What is one attribute that your ideal partner must have? Sincerity.

When was the last time someone seriously said “I love you.” to you? This morning.

Have you ever been in more than one relationship at a time? No.

SEVEN - The wonderful world of the Internet!

What is your most used website? Probably Twitter. It’s the first thing I check everyday.

Do you play any online games? Other than playing on Y8 when I was younger, no.

Which chat program do you use most often? Messenger.

Facebook vs Myspace- which is better? I haven’t used Myspace in a hot minute, so I’ll go with Facebook.

Is there someone you met online that you’d like to meet in person? Yes, I’m still waiting to meet Aliyah. Girl is in BGC every single day but I can’t seem to grab lunch or dinner with her!

Have you ever sold something on Ebay or Craigslist? No.

Have you ever gone on Chatroulette? Or Omegle video? Yeah, when I was like 12 and curious about the Internet haha.

Are there any videos of yourself on Youtube? I don’t think so.

Mac or PC? Mac.

Have you ever Googled your name? I’ve Googled my username before, but not my name.

EIGHT - This or That?

Twilight or Harry Potter?

French fries or potato wedges?

Liquid ortape white out?

Digital or film camera?

Nail clippersor nail scissors?

Rock, paper, or scissors?

Beard or mustache?

Knee high or ankle socks?

Hockey or basketball?

Mr Clean or sponge and ‘the other leading cleaning product’?

NINE - Be cool, stay in school!

What subject are/were you best at? It’s always history, or social studies in general.

How old will you be when you graduate high school / how old were you? I was 18 when I graduated.

Isn’t there that point in the year when you stop caring so much? Yep, it’s usually when you’re a senior.

Do/did you have any really cool teachers? In UP? Absolutely. There’s a lot of shitty profs, but the cool ones are way too hardcore.

Who is/was your most strict teacher? Sir Ruel in my old school. Old man was and is such a fucking loser. Once had a comment about my breasts and I never forgot about it. Also kicked me and a bunch of other kids out of his class in fifth grade because we didn’t have crayons. He actually got booted by the school for a year because a parent complained about him, but he came back after.

Where do/did you sit at lunch? In high school, the cafeteria was too crowded so my friend group would hang out in our classroom, since most of us were classmates. Right now, lunch just depends on my schedule and where I happen to be by noon.

What do/did you do at recess? Catch up on homework I skipped the night before.

There’s always that one kid who no one really knows, right? LOL, yes.

Is/was your cafeterias food actually any good? It used to be good. Then they kind of hired this company to start making the meals starting junior year and the food was never as good again.

Do/did you have a stereotypical school, with all those cliques and such? You can say that. We had popular party kids, smart but still cool kids, soccer players, the basketball players who all turned out gay, kids who kinda just hovered in the middle, and those who were kinda brushed to the side were the theatre and anime kids.

TEN - Randomly Platypus.

Do you like your toothbrush really wet when you’re brushing your teeth? Not really wet. I just make sure I’ve put it under the running water before applying the toothpaste.

What song are you currently obsessed with? Not into anything at the moment.

What was the stupidest dare you’ve ever done? I hate dares, so I don’t do them haha.

Do you enjoy playing with tape? No?

What’s one word/phrase you say too much? LITERALLY. Which is a problem because most of the time, the things I associate the word with aren’t literal.

When was the last time you went trick-or-treating? 2017.

What did you last use a knife for? Haha, my orgmates were cooking up lunch and I volunteered to chop up the onions. Fun fact: First time to use a knife, ever.

When you open a pack of gum, why is everyone your best friend? Because gum is always a good idea.

What has been on your mind way too much? Completing my requirements for internship so I can submit them as early as possible.

Did you actually enjoy my survey? Sure. Categories are always fun.

[lunebinnie]

(1/11)Oh my gosh yesss I'm glad that you like long messages too because I talk way too much 😂 (And yeah about my friend and just hanging out w/ her more that's exactly what I was thinking 😂) It's actually kind of funny bc just yesterday I was hanging out at her house and her younger brother needed to go to Walmart and I was like 'I've been meaning to go to Walmart, I'll take you' and ofc since I have a bluetooth radio adapter the whole drive I had my Spotify going with some quality k-bops, lol

2)And as we were driving I noticed him kind of jamming and I was like 'Oh my god Mickey do you actually like this???' And he was Like 'yeah, these are some good bops 👍' I was shooketh. I had to go home before I had the chance to show him any music videos but he says he's open to watching some with me next time I see him. One way or another I'm going to turn someone in my social circle into a kpop fan you mark my words ☝ and then maybe we can team up and try to work on his sister some more 😂

3)I only started first getting into kpop last June so I'm still very new, but it's definitely super frustrating how so many ppl act like it's an inherently bad or cringey genre of music just bc it's kpop! The stigma is ridiculous! I also started out with BTS (lol) and since they're pretty popular in the US at least I was able to be like 'See, this isn't just a niche thing, lots of people know abt and like this group' but of course my dad still says 'Just cause it's popular doesn't make it good'

4)And I'm like? You're a band teacher, you of all people should understand that music doesn't have to be in your native language (or even have lyrics) in order for you to enjoy it, but go off I guess... It's the same with one of my college friends. They make fun of me for liking kpop but this is coming from some who still treats March 22nd (the day My Chemical Romance broke up) as a day of mourning. Like, no tea no shade no pink lemonade, MCR was a good band nothing wrong with liking them.

5)But like if you're 22 and you still haven't grown out of your emo phase do you really have room to pick on other people for their music taste?  🤷 Anyway that's the person who follows my main that I didn't want to know I had a kpop sb. I think I made it around July. Tbh it was pretty dead for most of 2018. But like I said I've started using it way more since I recently revealed that it exists, lol. Especially since that good good Astro cb 👏💗😩 But honestly Astro is such a blessing

6)Idk how I lived so long w/o them. When I first got into kpop I was planning on just sticking to BTS since the reaction to me being into kpop was so volatile. I was like 'I'm only into one group, ppl already are negative about me liking kpop so I'm just gonna stick to this and not become a full on multifandom fan' and then in Nov I accidentally let myself fall in love with Monsta X and that plan was foiled. And realizing I wasn't gonna be able to stick to just one anymore opened the floodgates

7)And I was like okay in that case, let's just start getting into *all groups* Lol. My story of getting into Astro was actually bc of my best friend's roommate (can you tell I have like one friend and my whole social circle kinda revolves around her? Lol) so this roommate when she heard me being sad about having no kpop friends was like 'oh hey, I'm kinda into kpop' and it turns out she didn't like very many groups and was one of the ppl who blah blah BTS is overrated, which ya know isn't ideal8)But I was just really desperate to have someone to talk about kpop with. And Astro was her favorite so I was like, okay I'll get into them so that I have something to talk about with her! So I started watching some videos and I fell in love with them pretty much instantly! And I was real excited bc #1 now I can talk about kpop with someone! And #2 this group is actually amazing? Bonus! ... And then they got in a big fight about their living conditions and the roommate ended up moving out RIP

9)So that didn't work out, lol (Your story about finding them during that internship sounds amazing though! Haha) But yeah, so this is my first cb too! And although I love them w/ my whole heart and would have loved to have them in my life even sooner what an amazing cb to be your first! The concept was wonderful, the album was excellent, the visuals were to *die* for. They worked so hard and I'm so proud of them and I'm so happy we got to see their work come to fruition and get them a win 🤧🤧

10)The dance practices though? You're so right omg 💗 Me and my Rocky bias *fully* understand 😂 All of them are such good dancers?? I never fail to be impressed. Of course you know who I always end up watching tho 👀 lol (̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶R̶o̶c̶k̶y̶'̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶o̶t̶w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶.̶.̶.̶)̶ ̶ I also love how at the end they always pause all dramatic for a minute and then start screaming 😂

11)It's like? Amazing talent *and* dorky personalities? What more could you ask for? Lol. In regard to your last question though Unfortunately I also won't be able to see them 😔 I live in the smack middle of the US and since they're only going to coasts all of the venues are way too far away to get to. Esp since it's the school year and I can't skip class to drive cross country for a concert much as I'd like to (Holy lord I talked over twice as much?? Why am I like this?) Talk again soon! -ASA

Okay SO I’m very sorry I haven’t had the time to answer everything until now bc I’ve been busy studying for midterms and also I was a lil trashy today since my uni closed bc of freezing rain so I slept in but I’m glad that FINALLY everything got sent like damn tumblr you really don’t want us making friends huh. 

Yessssss I love the feeling of seeing someone else also get into the same interests! I’ve been pretty lucky in the sense that I grew up around mostly other asian americans, so kpop was never something that was considered super “weird,” like some people were into it and some weren’t but even if you weren’t you still would’ve been familiar with the more popular groups from when you were younger. Even now, I have a bunch of friends also into kpop (one of them is even my roommate) so tbh I was definitely the one in my friend group late to the party aha. Even my university hosts kpop nights at our bar and I’m pretty sure we have a kpop dance team as well? So tbh if I met someone new there’s probably like a 50% chance they’re into kpop or at least listen casually. 

Tbh I used to be a little bit judgy too but moreso because of the obscene amount of money I’ve seen some of my friends spend (no joke one of my friends has spent probably like $500+ on Loona stuff in the past month and a half and another friend bought like 5 copies of the same album for herself like damn idk how do you have that much money).

I also really don’t like it when people bash other people’s music tastes, since I feel like it’s something so personal? Idk but for a long time I used to be really self conscious about sharing my music with other people and even now I feel like that sometimes. For me after getting into BTS I kind of expected to get really into other groups since I was in Korea anyway and I was already listening to a lot of other artists casually. For me it started with NU’EST (fell for them immediately at the same concert that I saw Astro at) and then after was Astro, and then I just started slowly getting into other groups after that (even though I haven’t totally been able to get into Got7′s music they’re SO funny and I just kinda fell for their personalities  you know). 

I honestly think that they did such a wonderful job with this comeback too! I like seeing their concept evolve and mature but they’re not straying too far from their original cute concept so I feel like it’s a nice middle ground that’s very unique to them, you feel? Also I feel like the visuals especially and the execution of the whole plant concept was just done so well?? Even my friend who’s not in kpop was like “k idk who they are but that was the prettiest music video I’ve ever seen”. What are your favourite eras and songs? For me I’d have to say either the Spring Up or Baby era BUT right now my favourite song is probably Again/Should’ve Held On though tbh my mood and my tastes change like every few weeks loool. 

I have no idea why I tend to be most attracted to the dances rather than vocals or rap (maybe has to do with the fact that it’s something I’ve always wished I could do but have always been bad at lmao). But Astro’s stood out to me for the exact same reason! I just thought it was so funny seeing them all break character at the end because you really get to see how hard their choreos are and you get a glimpse of their personalities like damn, how can you not stan these dummies?

That’s really unfortunate that you won’t get to see them either :/ They’re also coming to the closest city to me but it’s on a Tuesday, but I *hypothetically* looked up flight prices and tried to see if I could get away with just missing a day of classes if I flew back in the middle of the night since I have some friends who did the same thing and drove down to Buffalo but I seem to have underestimated the size of New York State LMAO. But apparently my university’s too far from the airport so it’s “not realistic” (and also I’m hella broke from travelling to Taiwan and Japan while I was in Korea but that’s a minor issue ig). I hope we do both get a chance to see them live though! Who knows, after the success of this comeback I’m expecting a lot more cbs and world tours out of them ;)

[system-architect]

i can’t rememb if i already sent an ask but if not could u mayhaps do peej

u did send an ask which i will get to in a second but i am gonna happily do pj anyway!!

Personal

1)      Age? he’s 24 and a big shit who’s weirdly conscious about being 24 despite the fact that thats sTILL YOUNG so he lies and tells people he’s 21

2)      Gender? trans gay trans gay trans gay. he’s a very GnC trans guy who hasn’t transitioned too much bc he likes how he is

3)      Romantic/Sexual Orientation? gay... he’s a big gay. loves men

4)      Height? he’s 2′10″ aka min height haha pj small

5)      Race? asura and like metaphorically a fckn demon

6)      What do they look like? (i.e, hair color, eye color, etc). like a bush baby.......... uhhh he’s a very small lithe asura with wild ass fckn scene tier spiked up hair and his eyes are Indeed freakishly huge and he’s got sort of piebald esque markings and he’s also got spots of black pigment on his tongue and gums like some dogs do! i’m just gonna link art again

7)      Any disabilities? tbh he might have occasional breathing issues from his eye size and the constant vaping. also.. Some Stuff Happens During PoF but its not anything conventional that you might be expecting...

8)      Is there a meaning to their name? nope OOPS that one asura name generator spat it out at me actually! it stuck and i thought it was a weirdly funny name for an asura while also sounding p decent

9)      What makes them, them? he’s this image:

10)   What do they want to be when they grow up/what do they want to do with their lives? tbh his life is very stagnated atm and he’s not sure what he wants. to keep surviving, he guesses

Family

11)   Do they have parents? What are they like and how do they act with their child(ren)? he’s an orphan! his parents are unknown... he was raised in an orphanage by this very prim and proper asuran lady who was very secretly kind of a party gal on the side

12)   Do they have siblings? How do they interact with them? again, orphan, so family questions are hard to answer cus he doesn’t know anything about em

13)   Extended family? Do they see them often?

14)   Do they like where they live? (Is it a safe place?) he has A Flat up inbetween arkentia valley and magus valley in rata sum (i pretend there’s more out there than there actually is jhkfgd) which is also near where the glitch is located! it is fairly safe and he is quite fond of it, although he’s at the club most of the time

15)   Where do they live? Are they wealthy? Poor? Middle-Class? i just kinda answered this but he has Money honestly....... running a luxury nightclub that’s a front for your shady information trading business will do that for ya huh

16)   Do they have a lot of expectations/pressure on them from family to do great? the orphanage owner wanted all her little adoptee children to be Starlets and tried to teach them proper etiquette and get them into refined fields........... pj is successful but in the most opposite way from this possible

17)   Do they have pets? nope and thats probably for the better

18)   Who do they look up to the most/are the closest to in their family?

19)   This there anything special about their family?

20)   Do they wish they lived in a different family/household? he’s constantly torn about like... the concept of having blood relatives out there [hopefully]........ he’s not sure if he wants to know about them or not, if he would’ve rather been raised by them or not. it’s alluring but scary

Friends

21)   Best Friend(s)? his best friend is Kinda his ‘secretary’, kessa, who is a whispers agent plant in his club that helps him run the place in exchange for siphoning information from it. PJ is aware she’s whispers and kessa is aware he’s aware she’s whispers and they have a tentative and tense but friendly??? bond. it’s like, thin ice all the time but they’re also quite close. both her and pj are savvy and sort of take turns greasing the wheels of their various dealings; i think kessa is a bit bolder and craftier than pj and more organized oops. as far as kessa as a person, she’s a tall butch with cherry red dyed hair and she goes by the nickname ‘lucky’ due to the shamrock shaped marking over her right eye. she prefers masc looking clothing and she has a suave flirty personality with a quick wit and a snarky teasing sense of humor

22)   Who was their first friend? hgjkfdgh he’s never had many friends unfortunately. he tends to drive people away...

23)   What is their friend group like? a lot of people hang around him for general exterior motives like money and status.. not many people genuinely like him

24)   Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them? like everyone................... ‘i need you but i dont like you’ etc

25)   Do they consider any of their friends to be like siblings?

26)   Have they ever hurt a friend or lost one? definitely a lot. he’s a very abrasive person who can get fussy and picky and two-faced

27)   Do they have a crush on any of their friends? alas yeah half of pjs ‘friends’ are people he wants to smooch but its in a very vapid fashion.... even w/ deeper crushes pj isnt gonna be gettin any genuine love

28)   Do they share classes with good friends?

29)   Whom do they go to the most when they need a shoulder to cry on? he might drunk cry to viel or kessa and i dont think either would know what to do about it

30)   What would this person do without their friends in their lives? despite having shallow ‘friendships’ a lot of his self esteem revolves around popularity and being well-liked so he’d be... super crushed

School

31)   What grade are they in? If they aren’t in school, how come? he got like 30% of the way thru statics courses for political science and dropped out because he hated school... he was naturally savvy and talented with debate and an excellent candidate for a worthless weasel-y politician who can screw anyone over within a sentence but he just hated the whole school system and didn’t fit with it and getting into arcane politics wasn’t something he really enjoyed, it was all super backstabby but simultaneously Goody Two Shoes and he haaated it

32)   Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one? he probably butted heads with all of them and hated being told what to do

33)   Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot? definitely goofed off and didn’t care. he was good at stuff when he was asked to actually do stuff so why bother paying attention to boring stuff he already knows?

34)   Are/Where they a good student grade wise? stellar marks on very specific fields and tests and debates where the school system actually lined up with his talents but terrible marks otherwise

35)   Do/Did they need extra help? he was probably arbitrarily assigned a tutor due to his low marks but was uninterested in actually being helped and was a catty piece of shit the whole time

36)   What is/was their school like?

37)   Do/Did they have bullies in school? he’s a terrible worthless rat trash man and there was probably gossip that flew around about him but he loved hunting it down and intimidating the daylights out of the people who started it. even as a child he was a notorious drama monger and tattletale so it’s kinda in his nature. pj is a literally terrible person i’m so sorry to anyone who likes him for w/e reason

38)   Have they ever gotten into a fight at school? probably not many physical ones altho he’s def been punched a few times. most of his fights were probably weird high strung drama that contained a lot of passive aggression and counter-gossip and maybe some good ol fashioned blackmail

39)   Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school? hard to categorize bc he’s a walking embarrassment

40)   How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back? he dropped out and has literally 0% intentions of going back ever. and not as a char development thing either-- he’s never going to want to go back even if he improves as a person. it’s not his thing

Other

41)   Are they dating anyone? Do they want to date? Are the married? Divorced? pj pretends he’s shallow and only wants A Good Time but a bit more under the surface he’s absolutely desperate for more genuine bonds and wants Love And Affection and pretends ppl love him when they’re makin out idk. he’s a sad sad man

42)   What is their favorite hobby? Do they keep it a secret? he’s a boring egg who should probably pick up a hobby

43)   If they could have one thing in life, what would it be? what he’ll say he wants is like, more money/successful business but what he Needs is a kick in the ass to work on improving himself and to earn some friends who genuinely like him and to find a Meaning for himself

44)   Do they work? If so, what is it? If not, are they looking for one or even want one? shady information traderrrr he deals in secrets and identities of the asuran underworld

45)   Do they use social media? probably uses asuran instagram and snapchat

46)   Have they ever been in the hospital? probably for some very dumb injuries tbh

47)   Do they believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see? again weird Q in context of gw2 but superstitions... he’ll claim he’s logical but he’s prone to suggestion wrt this stuff and a huge chicken

48)   What do they do when they get angry, stressed, or upset? cry on bathroom floor with bottle of wine

49)   Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey? i think he avoids thinking about this too in depth bc he knows he’s a bad person haha..... he’s a bit messed up atm because this doesn’t motivate him to improve despite knowing it. he’s just kinda... yeah im awful so what if you cant take the heat then get out of the kitchen

50)   Does this OC have any part of you in them? (I.e, personality traits, similar background, etc) yeah he’s a bit representative of the time period of my life where i was overfocused on Being Hurt and wallowed a lot in my trauma and i felt i was justified in being a pretty nasty person for whatever plethora of reasons, but i was stagnating and it was all hurting me really badly even if i wasn’t ready to accept that it was hurting me. i felt a huge sense of impending doom and not knowing what to do with my life or if i’d ever get better...

[anonymoustalks]

We thought we were defeating political islam, but after 10 years of the current regime, it's now clear that Islamist have won the social engineering game

(6-18-20) You both like history.

Stranger: Hi

You: hi

You: I should really remove this tag

Stranger: ha ha

Stranger: why

You: idk I'm not very knowledgeable about history

You: what do you like about history?

Stranger: well, we have internet for it

Stranger: war and it's impact on building new civilization

You: I feel like many people on this tag are fond of military history

Stranger: Military history can be boring

You: I'm not very interested in military history

Stranger: me neither, but middle edge politics are good to start with

You: middle age?

Stranger: Religion and politics especially

Stranger: yap

You: mhm

You: I like thinking about what life was like

You: idk what it was like to be a peasant

Stranger: or middle eastern librarian or greek philosopher's assistant

You: mhm right

Stranger: looks like I had longest chat for today

You: I feel like we don't learn enough about the middle east in school

Stranger: school curriculum is biased these days

You: mhm biased towards?

You: like in our school we learned all about the greeks and romans and stuff

You: athens democracy

Stranger: biased towards the dominant followers of religion in that that country

You: mhm

You: I think it's important to study the history of people you're very different from

Stranger: Athens democracy is a safe topic, that's why it is so popular in curriculum.

You: yup

Stranger: Agreed

Stranger: I am not sure where you are from, but I am from a muslim majority country.

You: ohh I'm from the US

You: which country?

Stranger: Muslims are almost sidelined by the Islamists

Stranger: tragedy

You: can you explain the difference for me?

Stranger: give 30 sec

You: this is a really pleasant surprise because I'm used to lots of people from north america at this time on omegle ^^

Stranger: I am from Bangladesh

You: cool

Stranger: Capital Dhaka

You: that's cool

Stranger: was studying the influence of Political Islam in different centuries

Stranger: controversial subject for westerners

Stranger: but not for me

Stranger: it's more of a risky one

You: mhm I think it's important to study

Stranger: being a Muslim in a growing sentimental Islamist dominant society is no longer easy

Stranger: world has changed :(

You: I'm not sure if I"m understanding why it's hard to be muslim in an islamist society?

Stranger: Open discussion about religion, god, science, philosophy was quite prevalent in middle age middle east

You: right

You: golden age

Stranger: but now it's safe to avoid it

Stranger: even within your friend circle

Stranger: looks like I am typing most of the time

You: hm?

You: I'm really interested in hearing what you have to say

You: in your country, is there only one branch of islam that is in power?

You: or are there multiple branches that are tolerated?

You: like in the US, we have catholics, protestants, methodists... a lot of branches of christianity

Stranger: We are democratic country of around 180 million population, led by a female Muslim Prime Minister

Stranger: But after her death, Islamist will reign. Mostly .... :(

You: ohh I see

Stranger: Sunnis are majority here

Stranger: which state are you from?

You: one of the New England ones ^^

You: so right now Bangladesh doesn't have political islam?

You: but you think it it will once the next party takes power?

Stranger: BD has political islam, it just subsided for a while

You: I see

You: what do you think of political islam?

You: like why is it good or bad?

Stranger: but they are active in social engineering

You: mhm

Stranger: Any religion practiced for sake of political dominance, it evil

Stranger: period

Stranger: *is evil

You: oh wow that's a strong opinion ^^

Stranger: We thought we were defeating political islam, but after 10 years of the current regime, it's now clear that Islamist have won the social engineering game

You: mhm what kind of social engineering did they do?

Stranger: just google Turkey before/after Erdogan

Stranger: same thing happened here

You: ah okay

Stranger: So, I believe you would find my stance a bit aggressive, being from one of those New England states

You: hm?

Stranger: I probably branded Islamophobe, if I were in one of those states.

You: ahh

You: I don't think you are an islamophobe

Stranger: definitely I am not, as you already know that I am a Muslim myself

You: I think most americans are broadly supportive of secularism

You: right it's hard for me to imagine any american calling you an islamophobe haha

You: since you are muslim

You: I was just surprised that you called it "evil" since the language sounds very strong

Stranger: you should call it what it is

Stranger: no sugarcoating, when comes to the practice of religious supremacy

You: mhm is that what happens in a religious state?

You: I'm just curious because israel is kind of a religious state? (are they?)

Stranger: it's happening

You: ^^ I'm just trying to understand

Stranger: Israel is progressive, but they are also hurting themselves a bit since the rise of Likud

Stranger: their religious schools and leaders are not dominant.

You: ahh okay

You: thanks for explaining

You: are religious schools bad?

Stranger: not always

Stranger: but in current world, it's definitely not contributing towards peace and progress

Stranger: at least Islamic schools

You: mhm and you are progressive, it sounds like

Stranger: I am disappointed, that people in my country have learned nothing from what happened in Afghanistan, or what's happening in Pakistan everyday.

You: mhm

You: (what happened in Afghanistan?)

Stranger: we all know

You: taliban?

Stranger: Hmm . . .

Stranger: your election is near

You: mh eventually

Stranger: how much influence does religion have in 2020

Stranger: ?

You: (sorry, many of us americans are fairly ignorant about international politics)

You: mhm, maybe a little less than 2016 I think

You: 2016 was a big year because there were many vacant supreme court seats

You: and religious conservatives wanted to appointed justices who were sympathetic to religious values

You: I think trump is more closely aligned with nationalism than religion

You: although the republican party has always been the side for religious conservatives

Stranger: Yes, Trump is definitely not into religion, but need to acknowledge for sake his supporters in Midwest and other red states

You: yup

You: I think economy, coronavirus, and race will play the biggest role n 2020

Stranger: political move, same things happen

Stranger: Bangladesh is in a very interesting position the geopolitical situation in southeast asia

You: because?

Stranger: bordered by India (2nd biggest economy by 2050), nearby China (biggest economy), and US interest to establish military base at Bay of Bengal (since 90s)

You: oh I didn't know the US wanted to establish a military base

Stranger: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_Garcia

Stranger: lots of Southeast Asian leaders were eliminated to establish one here

Stranger: *alleged

You: oh interesting

Stranger: 20th Century history can be harmful for your sould

Stranger: *soul

You: aww :c

Stranger: International politics is not a gentleman's game anymore

Stranger: before 20th century few good instances were there

You: mhm

Stranger: are you still student?

You: yup!

You: you?

Stranger: I am back in academia again

Stranger: after a while

Stranger: are you in School or University?

You: university

You: "again"?

Stranger: Yes had Engineering, then job then again doing my MSc. Probably higher degrees abroad in next, hopefully

You: oh wow that's a lot of degrees

You: what is it like living in a muslim majority country?

Stranger: in our country, we can't even speak arabic, let alone understand it

Stranger: but political islam and intolerance is growing

You: um... are they adding arabic to your school curriculum?

Stranger: We had one arabic in our school

Stranger: but if you want learn it well, then you need to go to madrasa

Stranger: it's a religious school

You: right

Stranger: not so many tolerant/rationale people come out of this system

You: yeah...

Stranger: we are not the traditional muslim majority country even though it's almost 90% muslim (150 million)

Stranger: you need to go to middle east to experience it

You: mhm are you similar to indonesia?

Stranger: Islamization has taken over traditional culture

Stranger: but it's still quite cosmopolitan in big cities

You: mhm, so islamization is more in rural areas?

Stranger: mostly

Stranger: just study about the Saudi software and it's influence in Indonesia in recent years

Stranger: you will understand how it works

You: ah I don't know anything about it

You: saudi software or anything

Stranger: Saudi software has great influence in Muslim countries. Local culture cannot compete with their budget.

You: oh I didn't know

Stranger: with few billions they can transform society thousand miles away

Stranger: and if US want for their own political gain, then the process become much faster

You: mhm...

Stranger: are you science or humanities?

You: science

You: biology

You: although I also like the humanities

Stranger: but not good for career

Stranger: :(

You: haha ^^ did you want to do humanities?

Stranger: I was good at painting/drawing, but never went to fine arts; you know why.

You: mhm right

Stranger: Wish we could discuss much about the the middle age history

Stranger: but chat is not good for long discussion

You: mhm fair enough

Stranger: just trying the omegle for the first time, didn't expect to get such long conversation.

You: oh really?

You: um, yeah I think this is unusual

You: there are also many mean people here

You: and horny people

Stranger: it has always been like this

Stranger: I was feeling nostalgic about the good old yahoo chatroom

Stranger: so a friend told me to try Omegle

You: oh wow, I never used that

Stranger: they were great when I started using internet on slow broadband

Stranger: mean people were there too

You: mhm

Stranger: but some focused chatroom was also created

You: which chatrooms did you like?

Stranger: movies, football, book discussion

Stranger: it was back in 2004-2008

You: mhm a while ago

Stranger: I think you were much younger back then

Stranger: ha ha

You: how are you?

You: *how old

Stranger: I am in my early 30s

You: ahh cool

You: I'm 26

Stranger: so do you like sports?

You: mhm, not very much

You: I'm a little boring haha

Stranger: it's okay

Stranger: have you ever been to Asia?

You: yup, I have!

You: I'm Chinese American actually

Stranger: are you born in China then moved to USA?

You: nope, born in the US

You: my parents immigrated here for graduate school

Stranger: I see

Stranger: It's 9:45AM here

You: mhm I guess you have to go?

Stranger: what time at your place?

You: nearly midnight

Stranger: I think it's about time to sleep. I haven't slept last night. was doing some work.

You: ohhh

You: go to bed!

You: that's so late!

You: it was nice talking to you

Stranger: Yeah . . . .

Stranger: Yes it was good

You: I thought you just woke up

Stranger: we all in lockdown and it's weekend here

Stranger: Friday, Saturday our weekend

You: ahh

You: I didn't even know that

Stranger: So watched Netflix all night

You: haha

Stranger: It's good to chat with you

Stranger: well the best with your studies

You: yup, you too

You: good luck!

Stranger: you too . . . . :)

You have disconnected.

[gawaine]

by popular demand: welcome to the saga of Fuckboy Supreme

*sigh* aka i’m dumb, what’s new

i’m going to try and keep this short bc ffs

Fuckboy Supreme (FS for short). Mr Popular of my cohort. hangs out at the back w/ the rest of the rugby boys. blonde, blue eyed... not my type.

i’d identified him as the FS of the year early on and Blonde Pop and I established that he, and my other friend Steffan, were probably the two best looking single guys in our course (not saying much). I heard that he was from money and was clearly trying to hide it (E much?) and I saw a lot of similarities. he was interesting to watch every now and then but I didn’t think we’d ever really cross paths.

except one day, we end up thrown together in clin. skills, alongside his best friend + housemate (Human Shield, for future reference. he becomes important later) and we kind of chat and lo and behold, he’s actually a pretty chill guy? nice enough to talk to. to the point where I tell my friends this (we all sit together down at the front) and I shock both FS and HS when I see them around and say hi (after HS and I spend a hospital shift together on NICU). more importantly, in that clin. skills session, me and HS are meant to “watch [FS] closely” to give feedback and I notice that this dude’s legs are absolutely insane, sculpted out of effing marble, and that same day, he’s happy to whip off his shirt (we’re doing resp. exams) and keep it off as he talks to someone. and I see he has a scar on his shoulder and ofc bc ME I’m like “omg sO PRETTY AND CLEAN” and he lets me basically play around with his weird af shoulder (old injury, post-surgery) as he chats to one of our tutors and I’m chatting to another tutor about the scarring. and he smells clean and he’s not super sculpted, as one would expect, but he’s lean in a natural, soft kinda way and i’m like okay, cool. and we chat a little and he’s nice about me not having a science background and w/e.

weeks go by, we say hi every now and then. then I slowly become obsessed with his legs.

it’s a slow process but the boy keeps walking into lectures, right by my seat to get to his, and he wears shorts and seriously... l e g s. but I’m wary of this so I’m happy to objectify him and for a time it works; idgaf if he notices (he doesn’t) and my friends find it hilarious, but I tell them I’m not interested in anything above the neck (or really, anything that isn’t thighs down) bc happy to stare and not know a thing about his personality thank you very much.

... I go out of my way to stand by that. and then, in a particularly shitty lecture one day, as I’m contemplating trying a psych shift, I realise the only person I know of who’s done what I’m interested in is... FS.

I decide fuck it, I’ll just message and ask - no being polite or friendly, straight to the point bc it’s work and I’m not there to open a door (even though, and I tell the girls this, by opening up messaging I feel like I am). this causes a non-stop 45min FB chat - I mean non-stop - and he’s hilarious. super hilarious. he’s also flirting w/ me and whilst I know this is all bc he’s FS (and I tell him so - he finds it v. funny), it’s a fun convo and it’s harmless and I reckon he’s just playing up bc we’re both bored.

... things escalate quickly.

we message back and forth a lot - he’s very quick and sharp, so he keeps up w/ me easily, but I’m treating him as I would anyone else. this lasts a while, but he keeps flirting and I keep telling him he’s a moron and eventually say if he keeps it up I’m just going to treat him like a psych experiment.

... I assume him continuing means he knows i’m being serious.

he becomes my psych experiment. lots of things being studied, including E and stuff from my dissertation etc etc and although at this point I know we’re embroiled in a weird power struggle, I stop giving a fucks because hey, he’s an experiment to me and i’m an unofficial therapist for him, right? win win. i don’t NEED to give a fuck about how it comes across.

2 weeks later, i’m sitting in the library while he’s at home, and we end up arguing over FB. he starts off polite but it quickly becomes i’m being intrusive, messaging him a lot, etc; why can’t I treat him like Aussie Essex (Blonde Pop’s housemate and my friend, as well as FS’) aka a normal friend and I’m like “lol but we’re not friends”, which we’ve both acknowledged before, but my stance is: I know things about him bc I asked specific things bc psychoanalysis. He doesn’t know anything about me. Friendship is mutual, that isn’t. basically I’m like “look, i’m sorry, have a nice life” in nicer words (bc I’m lost bc in my mind - I TOLD him he was a psych experiment??) and he’s all “what so you’re going to ignore me forever now haha” in not so many words and I’m like ???, but when he doesn’t respond, i’m like cool, we’re dead to each other, fine.

the girls notice how fucking ICE COLD we are w/ each other when we’re in the common room, though we wouldn’t normally talk, and Trout (not indicative of her face; a girl we both know, a member of the School - aka the group of girls who worship FS and his friends in my year, they have literally sat at FS’ feet before - who at this point, has been watching me and FS for a while) gets smug. bear in mind, after that first FB chat, I was throwing an event as co-president of the trauma society and was making the rounds around the common room to see who was coming and, after some initial back and forth, I commanded FS to come and he was like “fuck OKAY. okay? shit yes, okay” (he didn’t come and was meant to help me get numbers, but he fucked that too. idk if it was deliberate. it was a success anyway tho so w/e) and Trout was all ?!?!?! because she watches FS like a hawk and so he and I talking clearly confused her

but then a few days later he sees me sitting alone in lectures where I don’t usually sit and he’s like “morning Hannah” and, too shocked to do anything else, I auto-reply “morning [FS]” and just like that we’re okay again?

after the fight, I message him once - a silly message in a lecture by a 1st world Barbie - to test his reaction to the lecture more than anything else, but he doesn’t reply, which I suspected, but after that... no FB. I refuse to break that rule.

BUT I do grab him a couple of times when he walks by my seat in the break; I apologise face-to-face after he says hi and he apologises for the misunderstanding regarding the argument (he may have said hi after that?? idk) and he basically demands we’re friends and I’m like yeah whatever sure pal

but then he walks in one day wearing a beanie just like E’s and I. i just. it becomes a thing. i have a really cute bobble hat I wear every day bc our lecture theatre is colder than the Arctic fucking circle and so as I joke about him competing, I’m really freaking out bc that’s when I realise just how MUCH he reminds me of E. this hat becomes a Thing. I grab it one time and threaten to keep it hostage with Blonde Pop in front of all of his friends and they look at me like I’m insane, confused, lost at how I, a Front Row Person, dares to challenge FS. I’m literally in high school again.

aware of that, I die it down... and long story short, somehow, FS starts saying hi more and more in the morning and we have these mini chats (once the hat thing dies down), but it’s really tiny.

then I fuck up my wrist.

it pisses me off bc he’s clearly curious but doesn’t ask and I’m like “further proof we’re not friends” to myself but by this point, so much little shit has happened that all of my friends know what’s going on (lbr they did anyway) and his School are aware of me too - but OH - so there was this med school ball thing and we both went and that’s when I got more E vibes and I was like “fuck this” bc the more I avoided it the more it was happening and he was avoiding me and so AFTER that I was like “fuck this” and planned on ignoring him but that just... didn’t happen (I’m omitting so much of the finer details).

so yeah, he’s annoying me about my wrist bc he’s eavesdropping when I talk to my friend about it, but... nothing? so I’m like w/e fuck this dude and by this point, as an accidental by product of me being pissed with him at the ball (and myself), I’m dealing with some other male Situations and it’s pissing me off 

bUT then exam week arrives and we have a really lovely chat before anatomy and he’s being all sweet and friendly and the School is confused and HS is confused (HS is perpetually confused when it comes to me and FS, which is odd, bc otherwise we’re pretty chill w/ each other) but at this point something doesn’t feel right bc I’m good w/ body language, right? communication, esp non-verbal, is my thing. and he’s being weird.

then I come home for the weekend to get my wrist seen to and Blonde Pop goes out with everyone else to celebrate exams being over (I leave with 2 of my other friends right after) and FS sees Blonde Pop, who he’s spoken to bc of me enough times now, and he asks where I am - and that’s weird bc we NEVER have spoken in a social setting so I’m like??

we get back; he stops before lectures and comments on my temporary cast (fracture clinic appointment tomorrow guys, prayer circle) and says something like “oh, well it’s good it’s completely immobilised” (30mins later i realise why this bothered me; he’s quoted me directly from when he was eavesdropping on me and my friend discussing the injury accidentally, and I’m like aHA I KNEW IT) and I make a flippant comment about yeah, but it’s not great for getting dressed in the morning and he’s like “oh, I’ll help you get dressed” and I look at him like wtf bc lol he’s such a moron but also ??? but then he sees Kelly and bolts, though he was laughing too and trying to justify that comment (badly) and for perspective, I tell Kelly and she immediately picks up my phone to see it and I’m like no, this just happened in person and she’s like what the actual fUCK bc that is not the level FS and I are in person so it’s not just me ok

and then later I see him sitting with Aussie Essex and when I go to speak to AE he’s like “hi??” and me, not hearing him but seeing him watching me, am all flippantly like “oh hey” and carry on but it throws me tf off bc we’ve had our one convo of the day inside the lecture theatre and this is getting weird and i’m immediately like ?? did he sit with Aussie Essex knowing I’d say hi? wtf?

then it’s the end of term pub quiz collecting money for charity (I’m using so much ‘then’, it’s disgusting and u can see i’m not in writer mode) and my gut tells me to avoid FS bc he’s leaving after lectures the next day but everyone is like wtf no come, it’ll be chill, so I do, and it’s fine, and he’s there and right in my line of vision but i’m like w/e w/e and we kinda say hi but it’s in passing and at this point, I’m on good terms with like... the majority of the guys in his little gang (he lives with 4 of them, so I’m polite to all of them on some level) and so when HS is introducing me to his gf, it’s fine... until he’s like “oh btw I forgot to tell you - this is [FS’] girl”

??????????????????

things escalate quickly. first FS sends me hearts, I flip him off, then he starts talking and I can’t hear so I go over and that’s when I get fucking ambushed by his housemate, who I only have spoken to once or so but know his gf but will hereby be known as Buttface... about how they’ve all (FS’ friends) given every girl on each row a percentage of how much they think that girl fancies FS. I’ve scored one of the highest - 73%, alongside another girl with a slight reputation (no judgement) who has been all over FS the majority of the night so far.

the more I defend myself, the more Buttface claims that’s proof of it being true (as a lit grad, do you know how much that logic offends me???) and FS only repeats that he wasn’t a part of the convo, it was only about him so not to blame him. but he listens smugly. things escalate. i’m ashamed to admit i’m so thrown off that i am not my best and as things continue to escalate, i feel too blindsided to do what I want to (though I do half-slap FS once bc I can’t fully slap him in a room full of our course w/o Drama, and though I go to spill a drink on him twice, everyone stops me) and it’s a mess and once it’s over, i’m raging and have to leave. a lot of people stay out though, so half of the lecture is too hungover the next day... so I don’t see FS and that week, we broke off for Xmas break. but before i left, I nudged HS and was like “wtf so you and your house talk about me a lot...” (literally aLL OF FS’ housemates are familiar w/ the topic) and HS is like “nah, I reckon he fancies YOU” and I know HS is a shit stirrer so it pisses me off more

Blonde Pop is raging for me. Broski is like “meh, men”, though Percival takes offence at the shitty logic; but Deej and Cap (who I travelled with) are like lol what this is a victory. in the power struggle, you’re winning. he doesn’t think we know about all of this; but you’re clearly important enough for all of his housemates to know your name. Lulu and Dragon Jock see me the next day; I make Lulu give me a hug bc I’m like “am I giving off hoe vibes??” and Lulu, who is soft and smiley and a cinnamon roll, is all “nO IT’S LAD CULTURE AND IT’S RUBBISH” and it’s very cute and defensive of me and Dragon Jock is just like “lol i’ll hit ‘em”. which is nice.

general consensus is to ignore the fuck outta him come going back in 2 weeks but?? idk if I can? it’s not that simple bc we have the rest of the course together and I know that he’ll act like everything’s fine and if i say why i’m pissed, Buttface will use that as ‘proof’ (rather than me being horrified at their audacity, I mean CHRIST ON A STICK) and if I don’t, it’s still proof... Broski says this won’t go away anytime soon bc of that reason but that isn’t satisfactory either

and like i clearly try to blend into the bg to avoid drama and now i’m like? why bother?? when we all went for takeout in our last night in Swans before heading home, Cap was like “i find it hilarious how you have so much drama around you” and when I was all “i sit in my room and watch Netflix tho??”, he was like “... that’s why it’s hilarious” and tbh yes, but not in a funny way, in more of a dAMN IT way

fuck blending? it makes no difference? hence me accepting my femininity, bc... screw everyone else, I’ll do what the fuck I want 

but yeah. that’s the latest.

also, in slapping him, i felt his stubble and that was not the one.

berate me freely, go forth...

[steamishot]

28

I wrote the following draft on Friday, but I need to start off by saying that LA is mourning right now. It was an especially eerie day yesterday. I’m not much of a sports fan, but I grew up watching the Lakers during Kobe’s era. My dad’s best friend was a huge Lakers fan, and he got my dad into it, and my dad got our family into it. My dad would place bets at the local Cambodian noodle shop during basketball season and it was always a fun time following along. In a sense, I and many LA natives grew up with Kobe. Kobe has such a huge impact on our city (at the very least). I remember going to those Vietnamese barber shops in Chinatown, and seeing little Asian boys get their hair cut. “How do you want your cut?” the barber would ask? “Like Kobe” the kids would answer.

I heard the news after going to a yoga session at the park. My friend Steph, who also attended the yoga session with me, texted me a little right after I got home with the news. I was with my brother and SIL at the time, and we were stunned (not my SIL, she didn’t know who Kobe was), waiting for the news to unravel. My dad got home five minutes later, and I thought we would be the one to tell him the news. However, his friend Andy already texted him about it. We spent the rest of that morning waiting for more updates, learning about Kobe’s life, sitting around in shock. Til now, I still feel quite sad about the tragedy. But the best we can do is thank his contribution; legends never die.

--

Turned 28 last week and feel old-ish haha. Recap of the last few weeks

Sis in law threw a surprise bday party for my brother’s 30th at their apartment. Some drama has been going on between them and my parents, and a lot of it can be attributed to generational differences. My SIL is young, and in biological terms, her brain isn’t fully developed yet. She had that rich girl growing up in Cambodia lifestyle, and was pretty financially comfortable, although sheltered, when she was living in SF. My brother is kinda her bitch now, and he backs her on everything. SIL has pretty expensive taste, has a financial safety net from her parents, talks ambitiously, but we haven’t seen her progress much yet. Like Katy Perry’s song “You change your mind like a girl changes clothes” – that’s descriptive of her/my brothers plans. At one point, they decided to take over her uncles business in SF. She “moved” up there, then like two weeks later, told my brother to fly up there and help her move back down. It even gave me a headache.

Celebrated Mike’s 30th bday with a bunch of people in DTF. It was a bunch of fun and the food was surprisingly good. Mike made a little speech, saying he loves everyone who was at the table. We joked about how popular he is.

Went hiking with my aunt, sis in law, the kids, and friends.

Had a birthday dinner at pasta sisters with my immediate family (including bro and sis in law). My sis in law is a generous person, and also quite materialistic. She’s fancy for her age. This is advantageous because she got me a pair of lululemon pants as a birthday gift. I rarely receive expensive presents, so I felt pretty happy about it. I’ve also been wanting a nice expensive pair of yoga pants but thought it may be too frivolous. After trying it on, I understood what the type was about. In the back of my mind, I remembered in an episode of the patriot act, Hasan mentioned that a bunch of oil is used to make synthetics, the type of material used in lulus. Update: I wore it for the first time over the weekend to a yoga class, and it felt very comfortable, although the difference is not significant enough where I would buy my own.

My coworker decorated my office space and went out of her way to get me a specific cake from Glendale. I was never really that close or comfortable with this coworker, although we are the closest in age (3 years older than me). I felt that our lifestyles didn’t really align and that we didn’t have much in common. She was on the drill team in high school, very pretty and put together, fit body, into going to festivals/partying and drinking, not very academically inclined. Our conversations barely made it past surface level topics. However, I was really touched that she went all the way to Glendale to get a cake for me, just because she knew I liked this cake specifically and that I don’t really like sweets. For everyone’s birthdays, we normally just pick something up from Ralphs across the street. After this incident, I felt myself opening my heart to her more, and made an effort to connect with her. I find that it’s easier to connect once you actively choose to “like” a person, thus, to throw away judgment and allow human to human bonding.

Went to NOLA with G, S, and L. When people ask how my trip went, I would say, “it’s really different out there.” And it really is to me. I’m not at all familiar with that area of the country. I think the charm of NOLA lies in anachronism, and on the dysfunctionality of the city. People like the freedom of the city, the friendliness of the town, and how everyone can seemingly enjoy their lives despite any hardships that come their way. Some people on the internet refer to NOLA as Neverland, or an adult Disneyland. From what I’ve read, people there are very laid-back, prioritize fun, and it might be a frustrating place if you’re a go-getter. It seems like a good place for extroverts. I, personally, think one visit is enough. I think if you don’t gamble, drink, or party, the things you can do there are limited.

Besides that, I found the topic of voodoo interesting, although I felt like the voodoo shops we visited were largely touristy- it was hard to get an authentic feel of the locals/community’s beliefs and practices of voodoo. Luckily, one of my coworkers’ family is from Louisiana, and my student worker is from Belize. The day I returned from my trip, I got to chat with them a little and learn about their culture/religion. My coworker mentioned that her grandmother would always keep her hair in a jar and burn it every so often, to prevent anyone from getting her hair strands and practicing voodoo on her. She personally flushes her hair down the toilet. My student worker talked about their need to sweep their house every day from preventing dust buildup (I believe to keep spirits away).

Celebrated CNY with family.

Matt started on his first nights rotation last Wednesday night. It was a difficult transition because he had to work from 6am until noon or so for his day shift, then be on a 12 hour night shift that same night. He had a terrible first couple days adjusting, but now is better. It just sucks that we are now on completely different time zones. I’m unable to chat with him after work because he’s on shift. He goes home and falls asleep around 6am PST, during the time that I’m still asleep. I asked him to send me a card for my birthday. Although I received it days late, I was still grateful for his gift. He wrote me a very sweet message that filled up the card. Good news is, there will be 4 interns on the rotation that he will be on when I’m in town in February. That means that he’ll have less patients, be less exhausted, and have more time for me!

I watched Awkwafina’s Nora from Queens pilot over the weekend. In the show, she plays a “loser” 27 year old who can’t hold down a job and smokes weed every day, and still lives at home with her dad and grandma. The show is supposed to be representative of her life (before her fame). I couldn’t help but feel like I’m getting too old to still be living at home, and although I’ll need to spend money on rent when I move out, it’ll be a valuable investment.

Lastly, this past year seems to be the year of friendship confrontations for me. Growing up, I was very loner-ish and introverted. The hardest thing for me to do was socialize and “be normal”. I found it difficult to relate to people and to build connections with them. When I did start making friends, I was so behind on social skills that I had difficulty deepening friendships. One thing I am grateful for in my last relationship, is that it taught me how to handle conflict with someone else. Before that, I was never confrontational to anyone outside of my family. As I’m growing up, “finding myself” more, and developing my values and what I stand for/look for in companionship, I become stronger as an individual. I’m proud that I can be more honest with my friends, and be more verbal if someone/something bothers me. I look back on a few friendships that dissipated, and it’s usually due to something petty or fixable, if both parties let their ego down and communicated. But oh well, not all friendships/relationships are worth being salvaged. 

[sa21-group2-canoodles-blog]

shooting for the moon.

By Jake Advincula

Masculinity is a topic difficult for me to broach, since it’s such a big part of who I am and seeps its way into many aspects of my identity. I suppose I’ll start with basketball.

It’s the year 2006, and an eight-year old Jake Advincula steps onto the Loyola Heights basketball court, nervous and awkward. He’s clutching a special basketball that’s brightly-colored and smaller than the ones all the other boys are using (who, for the record, are almost all taller, thinner and more athletic).

But wait! Jake tries his best to shoot, and… he misses! Such a disgrace to his parents, who paid a lot of money for that clinic! One of the worst plays of the season, folks. Stay tuned for a message from our sponsors.

This is what it felt like for me as a kid. I was always pressuring myself to be masculine, as part of my being competitive and a perfectionist. Not having realized my sexual orientation yet at that point, I presumed myself to be a “normal” straight boy who was just effeminate and ineffectual at sports - I was therefore, a failure in my own eyes.

My parents love me very much and I love them very much as well. They supported me, and wanted what was best for me by putting me into the normal male activities for boys my age. But sometimes, as a kid, I resented them for “forcing” me to do these things: for some reason, I couldn’t seem to bring myself to fit in, no matter how hard I tried. I was fundamentally different, and according to my stratified worldview, this meant I was either better than everyone or worse than everyone, and I couldn’t afford to be the latter. This was overwhelming pressure for any child, and yet it didn’t come from my parents - at least, not directly - it came from myself. In a way, I was my own oppressor, my worst bully and my biggest critic. I was so hard on myself, I’d bring myself to tears almost every session of that particular basketball clinic (among others I attended).

Things were worse at school, once the summer ended. Some of my more masculine batchmates, being the basketball lovers they were, indulged in the perks of masculinity, such as confidence and a sense of intrinsic superiority. Of course, this was all in my head - even now, I can’t be all too sure of my own perspective of events due to them being so heavily skewed by my emotions.

Getting back to my batchmates, the better at basketball they were, the more confident and masculine they became. This annoyed me - they derived esteem from the one thing I wasn’t good at. Being an overachiever as a child, it caused me great anguish to not be good at the one thing that seemed to matter to practically all my peers. At school as well, I experienced pressure to conform and be masculine, and kind of internalized this pressure. I apply this pressure even up to now, so it’s quite therapeutic to look back and everything and write this all down.

To cope with all this, I decided to be good at everything my oh-so-macho batchmates weren’t. I put my energies into academics, which benefitted me - I got approval from my parents, and had a temporary sense of accomplishment at doing something my batchmates couldn’t. This compensation for my insecurity probably contributed to my academic drive right now, and while it’s still beneficial (I’m currently writing this wide awake at 3 in the morning) it can also hurt me in the long run. By turning everything into a competition, I was prevented from forming healthy male friendships with my batchmates, who probably weren’t malicious since the beginning, and so I’m not socially healthy in that respect. I still have this subconscious resentment of masculine guys (albeit tempered by attraction to them, haha) because I, on some level, feel that they’re naturally able to do something I can’t, which is fit into a heteronormative society.

I suppose that, despite my apparent confidence as an openly LGBT person, there are still things I have yet to accept about myself. Sure, I like making jokes about my sexuality and how it makes me fabulous, but there still exists within me a deep-seated insecurity regarding my masculinity. Going back to basketball, I resented that everyone seemed to be naturally good at something I had to struggle and work hard to be good at. Basketball was, for me, an impossible task.

Of course, this perspective was all wrong. Basketball is supposed to be fun, casual, and a way to connect with other men - sort of like masculinity. To cope with my insecurity, I outright rejected the notion of masculinity once I realized I wasn’t heterosexual - society’s rule of “you have to be straight” didn’t apply to me, so why did the others have to?

Again, this was another wall I put up to protect my fragile ego. Just recently I’ve decided to rediscover masculinity on my own terms. I genuinely want to make meaningful male friendships, and learn basketball as something fun instead of an obligation. I want to choose to be masculine, not be forced to be so. Hopefully, this is the right step to take in terms of my personal development.

I suppose I’ll have to inject some academic analysis into this somehow. Basketball in the Philippines plays into Bordieu’s concept of habitus - a shared disposition or action that is widespread amongst a population. For men in the Philippines, playing basketball is our habitus - even given the rise in popularity of soccer a few years ago, basketball continues to be the most popular sport in the Philippines (I mean, just look at the ticket lines whenever there’s an ADMU-DLSU game in UAAP). I’m running out of words, so I suppose I’ll wrap this up with some key realizations:

I don’t necessarily have to be masculine, regardless of my sexuality

Despite this, I can still choose to be masculine on my own terms

I shouldn’t give into the pressures of society

There’s a lot more I could say about masculinity, but I suppose that’s for another time - my relationship with my more masculine family members, namely my dad, my grandfather and my cousin - are all colored by my insecurities. Although I suppose everything in my life is colored by my insecurities right now as well, which is all the more reason why I have to make efforts to surpass them.

Sources:

Swartz, D. (2002). The Sociology of Habit: The Perspective of Pierre Bourdieu. The Occupational Therapy Journal of Research. 61-69

[hetmusic]

Interview | Weirdo | HumanHuman

When Going Solo first added the name WEIRDO to HumanHuman three months ago, with the teasing comment “we got a hint here… music coming soon”, it’s safe to say we were nothing short of intrigued. The anticipation paid off when the anonymous artist released debut track “Butter” - an upbeat euro-pop single built on imaginative instrumentation and seriously catchy lyrics. Within a few days of WEIRDO’s musical premiere, this faceless act was labelled as a Promising Artist by our community of tastemakers.

Over the past few months, a few choice pieces of information have come to light. WEIRDO is the solo project of a British artist who has relocated to the creative hub of Berlin from Brighton, and excitingly there’s an EP on the way. However, the rest of the mystery remains in tact… at least for now. With a new track on our hands, the delightfully honest and danceable “Armanio”, we want to find out more about the musician behind the moniker, what inspires his songs, and how we can all embrace life’s weirdness.

Let’s start with a rather obvious question, why the name WEIRDO?

Haha, this old chestnut. Well, I think I’ve began to embrace my craziness and stop trying to label my issues negatively. Weird people rock. I’d hate to be a conveyor belt child doing manufactured things… and trust me, there are plenty of them! I think after a while of fighting that I should be "normal and controlled", it’s now time for me to accept and understand myself a little more, both personally and musically. I am a flipping WEIRDO, there’s no doubt about it and the best thing is that accepting it excels my creativity.

“I am a flipping WEIRDO, there’s no doubt about it and the best thing is that accepting it excels my creativity.”

Your identity is currently hidden, much to the outcry of the blogosphere, but why do you think artists follow the anonymous route?

I think it depends maybe… the reason I am anonymous is because I’m a part of a reasonably popular “buzz band” and I don’t want people to draw lines between the two. There is nothing worst than that! The issue in this music industry is people don’t give second chances and people always relate someone to something. If Corey Taylor from Slipknot did a minimal tech album now, people would laugh, make fun, put down or insult his creativity - why? because he wore a mask for a few years in his most-popular venture. Then you get people like James Bay whose first shot at a career very luckily paid off and people will never judge him as it’s his debut project, and he most likely will never change his brand. It’s so superficial this industry, and so anonymity is simply so that people understand the musical vision I have, before they go ahead, judge and give me a 0.4 /10 on Pitchfork or something...

I guess the online world plays a huge part in the mystery, how else do you think digitalisation is affecting the music industry?

The online world plays a huge part for sure. I can use emoticons to talk to someone and imitate happiness, sadness, anger or confusion… and that’s just a small fucking yellow image I add within my text conversations I’m having on a daily basis with anyone, everyone. The psychology of modern vocabulary and the use of emoticons is proof that you can hide or butter up (see what I did there!) anything. So online, you can create a fantasy world that people might indulge in, or show interest in. That really scares and inspires me simultaneously, and I think the digitalisation is actually improving yet sometimes creating a false identity for the music industry and it’s ever-growing young creatives. I just hope in the future, behaviour specialists or psychologists don’t actually take over the industry because they are smart and know how to win over modern society by creating false illusions using manipulative strategies. That’s basically the way news and media in the 21st century is heading already!

“It’s an intelligent pop affair, made of multicolor shades ranging from sticky vocals to euphoric synths, passing through live drums and finely adorned by swirling kalimba scales.”— Going Solo on “Butter”

Moving on to your music and especially debut track “Butter”. It’s a super catchy single, throwing out a xylophone melody, a German vocal sample and (what I’m guessing is) a recorder riff. Was this level of playfulness your initial intention?

Haha a recorder riff?! Where’s that? I will actually make sure there’s a recorder in one of the next songs on the second EP - that’s a promise from me to you. I think there’s irony and sarcasm in some of my lyrics and productions. With Butter, which I initially wrote in 2010 after a horrific break-up, the original demo was quite dark and edgy. I think as I’ve moved on and my life has changed, it’s become more of an uplifting song; a tale of how I once loved but now don’t with said person. I think that’s where the playful elements come from - the joy of being free and confident in myself again.

“I think that’s where the playful elements come from - the joy of being free and confident in myself again.”

“Butter” also has a rather unique refrain - “like butter melting through my fingers all you do is dirty my clothes” - what inspired that lyric?

At the time, it was anger and disappointment. It’s a rather cool attempt at making a statement, and I like creating unusual metaphors within my work. I think everyone can relate to an ex, or a friend, or a family member who just seems to get in the way, stop you from growing, control you or upset you. I like to try and relate to people with lyrics.

I loved the original video based around a Snapchat story and text messages. Was that simply a fun concept or is there an additional commentary on mobile phone culture and modern relationships?

There is definitely a suggestion to the social media culture and modern relationships and the irony of them. I’m a hopeless old-fashion romantic; I want to go for dinner and talk about music and wine, dream of waking up in the Bahamas and imagine a day I would begin to go to dance classes or something very new to me. I want to see the world through my eyes, not society’s eyes, and definitely not through the lens of my mobile phone camera. I can’t really stand social media because it’s taken away my privacy in all honesty, and that’s something we lack in today’s world, but also it’s helped share and expand my music and audience, so who am I to complain? I do daydream of going off grid and never talking to anyone again unless in person - that’s a healthy and satisfying thought for me.

In a previous interview with BEAT Magazine, you mentioned that you once lived in Brighton, a place well-known for self-expression. Did your time there have an influence on your music?

My time there definitely taught me that not everything you think is perfect, is perfect. It’s a wonderful city but musically, holds restraints. Rock cultured (thanks to the mods and rockers thing in the 60/70s), a student town and very small. Being there at that time helped my musical journey for sure - it started it. I’m happy I had the chance to work with and meet who I met there, but I’m glad that I moved on. It’s the same as London for me, a lovely place but it had it’s place in my life and after growing out of it quickly, I had to move on.

If you could live and create music anywhere in the world, where would that be?

Man! I want to see the whole world. If I could do one album per continent, that would be amazing. I think I’d definitely find opposing ideas from living in different places with adverse social rules to what I know as a Westernised working class fella. Let’s go to Tokyo next and after that, lock myself on a small island in Indonesia. I’ll try the US at some point but worried I’ll get fat very easily (I love food!) Visiting Africa would be really rewarding for me too, I’m sure!

What else has been instrumental in your creative process?

The standard thing: seeing other people succeed when you feel you deserve it more, watching people fail you and hurt you, other people’s situations you can relate to because of prior experiences and emotions. Also, the coming of age thing. I’m now mid-twenties and the feeling of realising who you are in such a large, selfish world can help you repair yourself, focus in on yourself and the ones around you that you care about most, and really getting creative with those discoveries.

We were very recently treated to a second single “Armanio”, crammed with one-liners and a repeated suggestion that the addressee should ditch her boyfriend. Why do not-so-great relationships stand at the centre of your songs?

I’ve had plenty of them. I have Borderline Personality Disorder (adds to the weirdness!) and I have a self-destructive tendency and waves of recklessness from time to time. I’ve got a heart but I can be trouble too, although I’ve learnt to grow and be in control of the bad traits now! I’ve been in a pretty content place for a few years, I’m starting to analyse others more and writing about their coming of age, mistakes and things I can see I used to do myself. It’s a beautiful thing to see people that are going through the same things as you. It’s helps deflate your ego and come back down to earth.

As with the last release, “Armanio” is tagged as pop, although some would suggest there’s plenty of other elements in there. What are your thoughts on genre labels?

Pop stands for “popular music” and if you asked me what genre I believe my music is, I’d title it Pop, more so because I dream of it being popular - who doesn’t?! I want everyone to know my story. I’m a human after all! We all want to be successful on our pursuit for happiness. I think you could tag the music as homemade, as it pretty much is. Indie, for sure, I’m independent right now but again, that title I don’t really enjoy too much. If I get a life changing opportunity and the label in question isn’t an “indie” label, then I’ll be told that I’m a fraud or fake for not sticking with my preconceived idea of being an “indie” band. If I turn down something, I could miss my chance to actually travel the world! I’m just gonna go with my heart: can’t have the media singing my own song “Armanio” at me!

“Up-beat, joyful pop that aims for the fun instead of the glitter and glamour of glossy pop.”— Disco Naivete on “Armanio”

Does the multi-coloured artwork have any relation to your sound?

Not at all, but once I entered the music industry and realised how it actually works beyond your fabricated fantasies of champagne, cocaine and happiness, I began to wear dark colours. The colourful thing shows I’ve got a playful side and now that I’m older, I want to show it off, feel happy and seem happy, and do things differently around here. It’s easy to be sad, feel sorry for yourself and write a ballad - that’s secondhand nature to me - but writing upbeat songs is much more challenging to me. I bloody enjoy it right now!

Can we expect some more visuals in the future?

For sure. I’m collaborating with some directors in the US, and some other guys too and videos are on their way for future tracks.

How about new music? Can you give us a clue as to what the next WEIRDO song will sound like?

Once again, the sound will alter, change, grow and surprise. If it didn’t, it wouldn’t be weird enough to comprehend my creative process. Every song will tie together because it’s my vocals, or I’ll use the same “sound palette” as before, but it will grow. It’s all based around how I envision it live, which will be the strong point of this whole thing. The band, the live experience, the fun I can take in the tour bus with me. That’s all I’m looking forward to right now - my future holiday on the road, sleepless nights and so many different lights.

https://humanhuman.com/articles/interview-weirdo

[tekka-dan]

Me, me, me. I wanna know 17, 24, 36 aaaaand 110 pelase.

17. Name/author of the last book you read cover to cover. Do you recommend it?The book: Crash and BurnAuthor: Michael HassanI recommend this book for anyone struggling internally with how friendships manifest, maintain and fall apart. Although that isn't a huge theme of the story, I read this during a period of time in high school where all of my friends left my side. And I couldn't cope with them being going, but that isn't how this book caught my interest.For summarization: The story is centered around the main character whose name is Steven but he goes by Crash (his last name that his friend/foe gave him) who is dealing with his parents divorce. He meets this kid named David (burn) who attempted to literally burn down the school when they were in elementary, for some reason however Burn was willing to spare Crash's life and throughout the story you pick up little traits as to..why.Burn is a bully but more than anything he's misunderstood and insecure. Crash is the only person next to Crash's sister who sees Burn as a person, not a nuisance. Which is vital because even when Burn does some horrifically screwed shit, Crash is never phased. My favorite chapter that speaks volumes for me is when they are playing poker, and Crash was winning like crazy and Burn was getting pissed as hell. The game was taking place after the tragic event 9/11 in which Burn lost someone close to him and he had also just been dumped by someone. For some reason Crash's dad tells him to hang out with Burn for healing purposes, and while Crash doesn't really seem to mind Burn is pissed that he's forced to be around Crash and tries to be an asshole but when he once again realizes Crash isn't phased, he gives up and eventually stops trying to piss him off and just..relaxes. During the game, Crash isn't even trying to win. What's pissing Burn off is that everyone else has some kind of trait they do that basically gives away they have some good cards, however Burn can't read Crash's expression, he has a literal poker face. Crash realizing that Burn is beginning to lose his patience with losing, decides that he doesn't care to actually win. But then there's inner dialogue that really hit home for me. When he looked into Burn's eyes Crash saw all of the pain Burn was in. Years of turmoil, of ridicule, animosity and loneliness. In that one page of inner monologue of Crash taking that split second glimpse into Burn's eyes, he realized that winning this game meant everything to Burn. This wasn't even about his ego, this was something Crash realized in that very moment Burn needed. To win, for once to just win. So Crash folded his cards, automatic win going to Burn. As Burn celebrated, he asked to see Crash's cards to which Crash realized if Burn saw he folded with a royal flush then it would entirely ruin everything, Burn would know he gave up and it would make him feel inferior. So Crash pretended to get upset and he flipped the table over before Burn could reach for his cards and the chapter ended with Crash storming out (happily) to which Burn whispered to another guy "what a sore loser."To this day that chapter makes me want to cry. Because in that moment someone whose never been phased by this guy before realized just by looking at him that more than anything he just needed..to feel like he did something right for once. Crash and Burn is a very emotional read. I finished that book of 573 pages in four days. 24. Favorite Disney Princess?I do not think she is a traditional disney princess. I think for years now people have petitioned to include her in the line up, however she's overlooked. But low and behold--Anastasia. Not only was she attractive to me, she was quite literally plain perfect. Her demeanor was never uptight or snobby. Throughout the whole movie you don't get the vibe of "I'm royal and important" she spoke her mind, she expressed sorrow and she wasn't love struck over a boy (until the end but it was magical honestly) like Anastasia set the bar line for a princess not needing a man or to be royal. I have that movie on VHS and every year during the holidays I would sit in my moms room and rewatch it over and over for days, especially during christmas break. 36. Are you fluent in more than one language?Thanks to Manga, I am able to translate/understand Japanese. Speaking, that is another story because I don't know pronunciations very well. But I've studied manga for years, I read hard copies. I would consider myself fluent in being able to read it. I have a few more years before I am comfortable carrying on conversations, however haha.110. Favorite literary character?I don't know if I have just one favorite, I do love several. I would have to say my favorite of all of them though would have to be Karl from this book called Dying to Know You written by Aidan Chambers.I love Karl because he is merely a masterpiece.(There just isn't a way I can speak about either of my favorite books without delving into the story itself because they excite me so much)Summarization: Its about Karl wanting to impress a girl whose name I remember being uniquely strange, and to get her attention he meets her favorite author who Karl talks into writing letters for him so he can give them to the girl and say that he wrote them, reason being is because the girl was a literary genius and Karl was a dyslexic socially awkward kid. The story is unique because it actually is told in the narrative of the author that Karl soon befriends and we learn so much about Karl through such significant interactions. It's important to know we learn that Karl's mother is a struggling, emotional single parent. Karl being avoidant, he doesn't go to her with anything and the narrator learns that Karl harbors intense hatred towards his father leaving them. The distance he places between him and his mother is what entails her to become entirely over bearing to the point where Karl no longer associates with her by not opening up. The readers are made to believe Karl is internalizing his dissatisfaction of being rejected by his crush, but as the narrator hangs around Karl more we realize Karl is internally struggling with acceptance. Karl is also autistic. His mother knows he does "little things" to occupy his time but what she neglects in learning about him is that the "little things" he does is how he privately copes. Which basically he builds things, out of scrap metal. When Karl disappears during a part of the story and the narrator finds him, they have a significant conversation that almost has no dialogue, however the two become so inadvertently close that he's able to understand Karl on a deeper level. Karl's mother sees him on the surface, in pain and in denial. While the narrator sees in on inside, struggling and furious. The scene that makes me want to cry to this day is where Karl is building something in the basement of garage of the house and the narrator is there, by chance and when Karl tries to explain to his mother what..it is he's building, he sees something they do not. And it angers him to tears that what he considers a masterpiece, his mother cannot understand what it is or what he sees. This causes Karl to lash out and he loses it, he goes into a spiral of how he doesn't understand why the world has to be black and white and his mother explains that it's not human nature to see gray upon first appearance and Karl cannot understand this. He isn't a child and she isn't treating him as one but the narrator finally understands something critical..Karl's mother never tried to understand the pain Karl had and she never bothered to help with us coping mechanism. Instead of getting involved and asking him about his projects, she completely rejects them when she can't understand them, causing Karl to stay encased in this realm he's mentally created where he keeps people away on purpose. During the important scene of the two of them sharing no dialogue, Karl is repetitively stacking rocks near and ocean and he does this for a literal twenty eight hours until he finally says "It just hurts." but what made me want to cry was that the narrator knew this even without Karl having to say anything. The bond those two shared became so incredibly deep that it really makes me emotional to this day. I also read this during an emotional time period for myself, so this story was my saving grace.He's my favorite literary character (I know he isn't like popular..like many stories but I think he should be)Thanks lovely for the wonderful ask, I seriously enjoyed answering this.

[arielmagicesi]

Hi, sorry. So I am new to the st/efvater world, and I've only read one of her books (raven boys), and like I see you posting stuff about her a lot, but only like little bits and pieces, and I feel like I'm missing something and don't understand what's going on cause I'm not really in the fandom; I've just read one book, and don't really know anything about her. I'm sorry, this is rambling mess, but if you could enlighten me a little bit I would appreciate it.

OK I took a while to respond and I’m gonna try to be objective and polite but there isn’t a whole lot of objective politeness in this soul of mine, but I will try.

Maggie St/efvater (I only spell it that way so it doesn’t show up in her tag and annoy people, I’ll just call her Maggie for the rest of this post) is this fairly popular YA author, and she wrote the Wolves of Mercy Falls series, the Scorpio Races, and the Raven Cycle. Her writing is very good (I have some bones to pick about it as a writer but mostly it’s pretty good) and the Raven Cycle in particular has gained a big fandom because it’s an excellent series. I guess you would know cause you’ve read TRB- the concept is unique, it has cool magic stuff, there’s fascinating character concepts, and the teenagers do a lot of realistic teenager stuff like being annoying and cursing and either doing their homework or not, etc. And if I haven’t made it abundantly clear with my posts, a lot of us in the fandom fell in love with the main characters for many reasons, but especially because they represent parts of ourselves that aren’t often represented. Abuse victims who don’t react in a Good Abuse Victim way, poor teenagers who scrape and claw to get out of their shitty towns, mentally ill kids who have ugly unpleasant symptoms, girls who are feminists but whose feminism is a little messy because they grow up in a terrible small town, etc.

Unfortunately, the development of the Raven Cycle fandom online, like the development of ANY goddamn fandom on the accursed Internet, led to some gross pockets of fandom. In the second book, an abusive character called Ka/vinsky shows up, and some heavy subtext suggests that he’s gay and into one of the main characters, Ronan. He’s absolutely awful and monstrous to Ronan and the others, but you know how fandom is, they started shipping it and being like “Ka/vinsky’s just a misunderstood cinnamon roll uwu” and generally being the worst about it. Additionally, some parts of fandom started hating on the two lower-class characters, Adam and Blue, for not always being sweet and nice about the class privilege of all their wealthy friends, and for reacting "badly” to literal abuse and sexism.  so the fandom is a mess, yeah

In the second and third books, also, (spoiler alert I guess? I mean if you follow my blog you can’t avoid knowing this haha) it’s suggested and then made all but direct canon, that Ronan is gay and has a crush on Adam. So, like, everyone shipped it because they’re a great ship and it was pretty obvious it was gonna be made canon in book four.

But Maggie interacts a lot with the fandom online, and obviously the clashing of fandom issues like this with any author would lead to some mess, but the way she treated it was....... terrible. She would make jokes about Ronan being Gansey’s “dog” and things like that. She milked the whole “writing a gay character” thing for all it was worth, and would never really say “hey, Adam and Ronan are a romantic thing” but would hint at it constantly, which, if you don’t know, is agonizing to watch when you’re desperate for any representation of your identity. She eventually said “I realize you guys are used to being baited, so don’t worry, the ‘other kiss’ will be between the people you hope it’ll be between” or something like that. And she would talk about Ronan being gay, but never address whether Adam was bi, and god forbid those words were used in the books. In the fourth book, although they do actually kiss and presumably get together, they don’t talk about it, and they never use the words “gay” or “bisexual.” Her excuse was that she’s writing for a world without labels. Leaving aside that that’s bullshit and a straight* woman doesn’t get to say that when we are out here in a homophobic world and saying our labels out loud is a sign of pride, she actually didn’t write a world without labels. The aforementioned Ka/vinsky is constantly using homophobic slurs to describe Ronan, boys at the private school make homophobic jokes, Adam’s dad makes lowkey homophobic remarks, etc. So labels are OK if they’re nasty and negative and used against you, but you’re never allowed to say who you are out loud.

When she gets called out on this whole mess- or a number of other things**- her response is to block people, tell people “if you are hostile one more time you’ll be blocked,” to reply to private posts by teenagers, to sic her army of clueless fans on young LGBT mentally ill readers, to claim that she’s being bullied and attacked, to make vague posts talking about “callout culture” and how it’s mature to avoid “discourse,” etc. I talked a while back about how I’ve made several fully thought-out posts critiquing her, but when I sent her a polite ask about her next book, she replied linking me to one of my own joke posts about “hating” her, making it clear that she apparently has me down on some sort of list of haters or something. And at least she responded privately, so that her other fans didn’t attack me, which has happened to other younger fans before.

She claims to be an ally, but she only really wants the ally points. She’ll talk your ear off about how brave she is for “writing an on-page queer relationship” as a straight woman, but when actual queer teenagers critique her for the way she writes it, she throws a fit and absolutely refuses to listen. She doesn’t want to do the work.

Additionally, she is writing a follow-up series called “the dreamer trilogy” which she drops constant hints about on her social media. It will center on Ronan (naturally, because she’s admitted Ronan is her self-insert and has butchered his character development for the sake of giving him a life identical to hers and fulfilling her fantasies of driving fast cars 24/7 and being an asshole with no consequences) and she’s making it increasingly obvious that none of the other characters we all fell in love with will feature at all. And basically any plotllines we enjoyed, she scraps (often out of spite?), and any plotlines we hate, she makes sure to write tons about (I’m talking about the magical artifact community. No one cares. We started reading for the house of psychics and Glendower and Gwenllian, not the fucking Greenmantles and their haunted doll babies or whatever).

The fandom obviously responded with like “ooh! more Pynch!” because like, fandoms like ships, but ALSO BECAUSE some of us are goddamn LGBT teenagers who are starving for representation and we want to see that “on page queer relationship” she brags about. And yet, at every opportunity, she makes remarks like, “This won’t be a romance. It won’t be the cuddle trilogy. It won’t have relationship drama, that doesn’t interest me. It won’t be fanservice. It won’t be lovey dovey, it won’t be cute, etc.” No, I don’t want fanservice or drama or the cuddle trilogy. But given her history, when Maggie says shit like that, I get worried, as someone who’s been baited a thousand times before. Doesn’t anyone see how awful it is to dangle representation like this? To say “ooh, look, someone who has the same identity as you? Juuuust kidding I’m not writing about it?” She can’t just say what we want to hear, which is “Adam will be there. I’ll say the word gay. I’ll say the word bisexual. Their relationship will be treated as real as Blue and Gansey’s or as any other relationship I write. Not the main focus of the plot, but THERE.” Because she’s not GOING to do any of those things, because writing actual gay relationships makes her uncomfortable. But she can’t say that or she’ll lose her sales.

And when she says all this bullshit about “I won’t write a romance” she gets so much FUCKING praise from her straight readers who think she’s the sun and fucking stars because their shit brand of feminism thinks all romances are equal and romance is insipid drivel and that a feminist book, apparently, is one token white girl who has a pink switchblade being sort-of in the background of a bunch of rich boys fucking around. I’m not saying I didn’t like that very book and that I don’t love that girl and her switchblade, but Maggie has to actually LEARN and IMPROVE and not go backwards. If she wants all this credit for gay representation, she has to actually write gay representation. And if not, I’m not congratulating her for “not writing relationship drama!!!!” because all that says to me is “yuck, I’m not writing gay stuff.” She says “relationship drama doesn’t interest me” and yet she wrote pages upon pages of Blue’s mother making out with a hit man. Relationship drama sure does seem to interest her. This isn’t her taking a Stand against romance, it’s her finding a way to make homophobia seem cool and progressive.

So yeah. That’s why she pisses me off.

*I know I know, “she’s never said her sexuality! How can you call her straight?” On the off chance she’s bisexual (she’s married to a man with kids), that doesn’t excuse her homophobic bullshit. She’s acting like an asshole straight person so yeah I’m gonna call her straight.

**Here are some other problems she’s been called out for and her bullshit reactions:

-Blue is basically the only female character and has no female friends or anything. Maggie says “well none of them had friends!” OK so why isn’t there another girl in the group? Why is her family the only other women who have page time besides villains and other relatives of main characters?

-Gansey gives Adam a lot of grief for not being fond of Gansey’s wealth, but Adam never makes Gansey apologize for blaming Adam for the abuse he endured? Maggie doesn’t have a comment on this, I don’t think.

-In book four, Ronan and Adam make racist jokes at the expense of the One (1) character of color, Henry Cheng. Maggie didn’t address this outright because “spoilers” but made a post about it saying that it wasn’t meant to be a racist joke, it was a throwback to some random joke from book one, and any good reader would know that.

-Blue isn’t a very intersectional feminist, which is fine, but it’s never really addressed, apparently because “all the characters are damn fools!” Who never get any character development except for Adam whose development essentially consists of “I stopped being prejudiced against the rich!” (and lots of other personal things but still)

Yeah, that’s about all I can think of. This didn’t end up being very neutral but I have class in 10 minutes and yeah this is hella long I just wanted to get it all out. I hope I don’t get shit for this, but you know what, anons? Go ahead, send me stuff saying I’m a nasty bitch and should stay away from fandom for criticizing poor Maggie. I don’t even care.

OH AND THEBROKENBREAKINGSEAS: THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUESTION. I know I answered in a horrifically mean tone but that ISN’T directed towards you, you were just asking! Don’t take my words at face value, I’m super biased. If you’re interested, you can go read Maggie’s blog and Twitter account, or other fans’ essays on this, etc. I’m glad you asked! And thanks for still following me after all this stuff haha. I’m normally... nicer? I think? Thanks again.