#Also one time I had a killer migraine fit. Also came back holding hands

[hajihiko]

Coming back⏳

[yandere-for-you]

HOLY SHIT!!, sorry but I’m happy to finally have this done!

This takes place pre canon atlest a year or so

I tried to make this as gender neutral as possible but the reader is called mom in this and there is mention of pregnancy and brainwashing with medicine

I own none of these ppl.

————————————————————

It started with headaches.

It was unusually bright today in the sector, in the apartment, that your small family lived in and you were sitting on the couch, watch your four year old son, Lea, playing with his toys on the floor. When suddenly you were hit with this awful headache, it was more migraine then headache actually but still you felt terrible. You placed a hand over your eyes.

"Mama?" Opening one eye, you saw your kid looking up at you worried. You loved your son, even if the time you were pregnant with him was fuzzy; one minute you had shown Reno the test, the next you were in the hospital, nine months later, tired and high on pain killers, with your husband by your side who had your new born in his arms. Reno had told you it was a healthy little boy and let you name him. You decided on Lea, which for some reason, to you, it just fit in your hazy mind.

Picking him up, you sat him on your lap, he snuggled against you, "Just a headache, little firebug."

You knew you made a mistake in telling him when his eyes widened and he tried hopping up.

"Gotta tell dad!"

You stopped him, patted his head, "No, no, no, it's just a headache. No need to worry your dad about this."

"But-"

You gently shook your head, laying down and pulling your son with you, "Let's just rest and it'll go away.", he wiggled around to get comfortable before finally settling down. You'd only closed your eyes for a second, just for a second.

Then before you knew it, you had woken up in your bed and the only soft light from the lamp your bed-side table illuminated the room enough to for you to see. Sitting up, you saw the sun had set and it was nighttime. As you got out of bed, you saw you were dressed in an over sized button up. Reno must have changed you out of your day clothes. It was nighttime so he must be home, but he wasn't in bed.

You walked out of bedroom and into the living room, where you say your husband was sitting on the couch, dressed in a plain black shirt and pj pants with another lamp on and the tv running with some seemly boring show, "Hey, Babydoll, you're up.", you made an agreeing noise as you sat on the couch then curled up against him and he placed an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer.

"How was work?"

He hummed, "Same old, same old.", you wouldn't really know, Reno never really told you in detail what he did for work, all he told you was that he worked in an office and sometimes had boring days.

"Rude?"

"He's fine, says hi.", you felt bad not being able to see your husband's partner a lot, giving that he was also his best friend and Lea's godfather.

"Did you eat? Sorry I fell asleep before you got home."

Reno chuckled, kissing you on the forehead, "Yeah, me and Rude picked up something, fed Lea, he's asleep in his room. There's something for in the fridge for-", you didn't wait for him to finish has you jumped over the couch and over to the kitchen. You flipped him off when you heard him laugh at you as you pulled out the take out box.

After heating up a plate, you curled back up against him, having changed the channel to something more else, "Sooo, a little munchkin told me you were having headaches?", you nearly choked on your food then after drinking some water to get the food down, you looked at him in embarrassment for being caught keeping something from him. He ran a hand through the your hair, "Could have called and told me. Have you been taking your meds?"

You picked at your food, "I just didn't want to bother you, you're busy with work and yes, I have everyday, like I'm suppose too."

He hummed, "Should we go to the doctors'? They could take a look, make sure nothin' wrong with your meds.", you froze at what he said, you really, really, didn't want to go to the doctors'. You hated them and their hospital/offices, they felt cold and unfriendly, even if they tried to plastered on a friendly smile whenever one of the significant others of Reno's friends or you were around. You gave birth to your son in one of the rooms of the hospital and as soon as the drugs wore off, you wanted to leave, immediately, which caused them to drug you up even more, so you wouldn't hurt yourself or them.

"Please, Reno, it was just a headache and I'm fine now. I really don't wanna go back there.", you place the plate on the coffee table, not really feeling hungry anymore.

"Hey, hey, it was just a suggestion. I know how much you hate it there.", he picked up the plate as he got up from the couch. You watched as he placed the food back in the box and then back in the fridge. Your husband walked back over and kneeled down in front of you, "Let's go to bed, Babydoll."

"No doctor?"

He chuckled, "Nah, no doctor, just tell me if you have anymore problems. Now, come one, bed time.", you agreed and both of you quickly brushed your teeth and went to bed.

Then you were seeing and remembering weird things.

You were at home, cleaning up the apartment and watching Lea and his friend, Isa, who was dropped off by his mother, Li Mei, the wife of your husband's boss, Tseng. Li Mei was a beautiful woman from Wutei, with two different colored eyes, one a deep pretty brown and a beep blue, light blue hair that matched her son's and flawless skin. Honestly, sometime you were kinda jealous of her flawless looks, you only had a son and she had two kids, and yet, she looked like she wasn't stressed as hell with raising them. Xion was their other child, a daughter, with hair like her father but with her mother's soft face and blue eyes.

You froze, seeing something strange appeared in your reflection of the window you were cleaning. Leaning closer, you wondered if you had always had that strange bright green ring around the pupils of your eyes, "Mama!", you filched away from the window and looked down to see the boys standing to the side of you. Lea holding up your phone.

"Yes, you two?"

"Dad's calling! Also we're hungry, food please!"

Sighing through your nose, you smiled and grabbed your phone from him, "Okay, let me talk to your dad then I'll make something for lunch. Go on, go play.", you bend down and kissed him on the head and messed up Isa's hair, which made him pout and then follow a giggling Lea back to the living room to play. You answered the call and placed it to your ear, "Hello, sweetie. Why are you calling, you don't usually call when your at work unless somethings up."

"Aahhh, Caught me, Baby doll. But I just got the feeling I needed to-", you flinched away from the phone as a yelp came from it.

You place it back against your ear, "Um...What..what was that?"

"Some one hit their toe on their desk or something I think, don't worry about it, Gorgeous. So, how's you and the munchkin doing?"

Rolling your eyes, you answered him, "We're doing fine, Li Mei dropped off Isa because she had to take Xion to a check up.", you made your way to the kitchen and started pulling things out, looking for something to feed the kids, "And I'm just trying to find or make some lunch for the kids.",

"Great, anymore headaches?"

"No, I'm haven't had any in a week.", in truth you had been having them, one almost everyday for the week since they started but you really didn't want to worry your husband, you decided on making a sandwich, "How do you feel about curry tonight for dinner?"

"If it's the spicy kind you make, hell yeah!", you smiled at the enthusiasm he showed about your cooking, you weren't the best but he thought whatever you made was.

"Of course, but I need to to pick up some stuff from the store before you get home."

"Got it, send me a list, Baby doll.", as you were saying your I love yous and before you hung up, you thought you heard another scream, this time for help. Looking down at your black screen, and saw that the green ring, you thought saw a moment ago, was gone. You shrugged as you placed your phone on the counter then picked up the plates, filled with the kids' lunch.

The next time something happened was when you were getting up in the morning. Your son had jumped on you both as you slept, yelling about how it's the weekend and dad has the day off and, "Get up, get up, get uuuuup!!",

You groaned, rolling over to Reno with your eyes still closed you told him, "Your son's awake."

"Before 8 am, and coffee, he's your son.", then you smirked when you heard him grunt as Lea landed on him, "Alright, Alright, Munchkin, I'm up.", cracking open an eye, you giggled when you saw the claw marks you left on his back last night, good thing he put pants on afterward. You stopped when Reno side eyed you, and smirked. Squeaking, you hid under the blankets, listening to him chuckle as he picked up his son and walked out of the room, telling you he would get breakfast started.

You tossed the blanket off as soon as they were gone then sat up and stretched. Getting up, you walked over to the bathroom and turned on the lights only to nearly trip backwards at what you saw in the mirror. In the mirror was you but you looked strange in the reflection there were bruises and cuts on your body and your face had a bleeding cut on your cheek, you looked like you had gotten into a fight and a pretty bad one, "Baby Doll?", blinking, you saw your normal everyday self reflecting back at you and the only bruises you had were on your neck and peeking on from your shirt collar. You turned to see Reno looking at you with narrowed eyes, worriedly.

You rubbed your eyes, "Yeah, yeah before you ask I'm okay. Do you need to use the bathroom or anything?"

He hummed, "Naah, used the other one, was worried about ya. You take your pills?"

You huffed, "Not yet, was about too.", you waved him away, "Now shoo, you tomcat. I need to use the bathroom, myself.", He grinned then kissed you on the lips as he rubbed your back and left, telling you he'd had the coffee ready in a bit.

After using the bathroom, you held your pill bottle in your hands, staring at it. It was a plain orange bottle with a white lid, a normal bottle, all considering but it had no label. You didn't even pick up your own medicine, even ever you were running low, you would tell Reno or Rude and they would get them for you. Dropping one in your palm, you stared closely at the white and green capsule, wondering if you were ever going to stop taking these, probably never with the way your husband was. The last time you suggested maybe weening you off of them, Reno had gone still and quiet, narrowed his eyes at you then got really close to your face, so close you could see the very light freckles doting across his nose and cheeks. He smirked at you, but you knew in your gut it wasn't very kind, he told you that he could take you to the doctors and see what they said, then two weeks had pass and before you knew it, you had gotten pregnant with Lea and it was really never brought up again. Maybe...maybe, just this once you could stop taking them and make him see you were just fine without them. You watched as the little capsule made its way down the toilet, hoping this wouldn't come back to bite you in the ass.

It came to bite you in the ass and bite you hard at lest two or so weeks later. You were home alone, with Reno at work and Li Mei being so kinda to watch over Lea with you just wanting to get some stuff done and some alone time to yourself, you busied yourself with doing the normal chores around the house. You were sitting on the couch, folding laundry when out of no where a terrible pain ran through your head, it felt a lot worst then the first headache. You let out a cry of pain as you bent over, holding your head. Flashes of memories went through your head, some you hoped weren't real.

When it was finally over, you looked up and glanced around wide eyed at the apartment, "W..where am I? What happened? Wait...", you pinch the bridge of your nose, blinking away the rest of the pain then you remembered what happened and who you really were.

You were...are(?) a part of Avalanche, a rebel group that fought against ShinRa and its Turks...wait, Turks! Standing up, you looked around, again and saw a photo frame. You snatched it up and saw you holding a little red headed boy, no, that was your son, Lea and standing next to you both, with his arms loosely around you both, was...fucking Reno Sinclair, second in command of the Turks and a really, really, really, dangerous man. You remembered, now, how you had fought him a hand full of times and only barely gotten away with a only a few bruises and maybe a broken finger or two.

So, why were you here?

Glancing down at your hand, you nearly screamed when you saw a deep red and sliver wedding band on your ring finger. You looked closer at the photo then tossed it away from you when you saw a matching ring on Reno's hand. You felt nausea roll around in your stomach, were...were you married to a Turk? How were you married to a Turk?! How long had this been going on and why can't you-Gasping, you ran into the main bedroom bathroom, you ripped open the medicine cabinet, then grabbed the blank pill bottle. These...these things that he was making you take had...brainwashed you into marrying and having a kid with him. You looked at the date written on the bottle with marker and dropped it in shock when you saw it was five years.

Five years of brainwashing and being in a relationship with this man. Did your friends at Avalanche think you were dead?

Oh, God you had to get out of here!

You changed into a pair of torn looking jeans, comfortable and easy to move in, an over sized hoodie from the closet and a pair of boots that were a size to big, then you packed a small bag with what you needed, just enough to get to sector seven, check on everyone and then find a way out of Midgar, maybe go to Wutai, you had a friend there, or Icicle Area, or..or...anywhere but here. You pulled off the ring and placed it beside the picture frame, taking one more glance at it, you felt shame and guilt waste over you as you looked at your son, you felt bad for leaving him behind but being on the run with a four year wasn't safe for either of you. You know Li Mei, the poor woman was probably also brainwashed, will take care of him. You pulled the hoodie over your face then walk down the hallway, you left through the window, and down the fire escape, making sure no one saw you.

Li Mei had an awful feeling something was wrong when her friend, (Name), didn't come pick up Lea from her apartment on the time they said they would, then she got even more worried when an hour passed and still no (Name). They were never late picking up their son, really they were never late for anything. Making sure the kids were still playing and ignorant to her worry, she grabbed her phone and quickly dialed her friend's husband, "Li Mei, what's up? Like, I don't mind ya calling but if something's wrong you should really tel-"

She didn't let him finished as she blurted out, "(Name) hasn't come to pick up Lea at the time they said, it's been an hour, Reno, and I'm worried.", there was silence for a moment.

"Ya sure? Maybe they're just-"

"Reno, you and I both know (Name) hates being late for anything and if they were, they would call and tell us.", Li Mei bit at her knuckles, an awful habit she had picked up from childhood when nervous that her husband, Tseng, was trying to get her to stop.

"....Fuck..Fuck, I'll right, I'll tell Tseng what's going on, you make sure for the time to keep the kids from figuring out what's going on."

"Of course, please, find them, Reno.", they hung up and she glanced from her phone to the mini red head, hoping the boy didn't find out something happened to his other parent. But, Lea was a very smart and observant child and she he would find out what was going on soon.

Reno and Rude walked into the red head's apartment and immediately their senses were on edge, something was wrong, "Baby Doll?", bright blue eyes narrowed as they glanced around then down the hallway. He turned to his partner, "Check the kitchen, I'll get the living room.", Rude went to the kitchen and he walked into and around the living room. Reno saw the half done laundry on and around the couch, but nothing else seemed out of place, until he saw something sparkle beside the picture of his family. Picking it up, he nearly had a heart attack when he saw it was (Name)'s wedding band, "Fuck..Rude!", he ran into the kitchen, and showed Rude the ring.

"Shit..this is a problem."

"No shit!", he placed the ring in his pocket then ran down the hall to their room, "(Name)?!", he looked in the closet, in the bathroom, even under the bed. As he went to check his son's room, Rude walked into the bathroom and saw the pill bottle. Picking it up, he walked back out and met his partner in the hallway.

"Reno, have they been taking their medication?"

The red head run a hand through the his already messy hair, "uh, yeah, I've been making su-", his eyes widened when he remember what happened a few months ago, "FUCK! I should have taken them to the ShinRa doctors as soon as Lea told me they were having headaches.", headaches were the first sign that the medication was beginning to stop working, then seeing or remembering things, and last it was having the urge to stopping taking the pills altogether and then remembering everything.

Reno looked at his partner, "Call Tseng, tell him we have a Code: Runaway. I gotta go see Lea, make sure he's okay."

"Got it, partner.", Rude pulled out his phone and dialed up his boss as Reno went to Li Mei's place.

They wouldn't catch you for half a year.

[cirrius-akiyo]

UNPACK THE BAGGAGE

-Parallel to Hold On (Let's Go Home) [Buck's POV]-

Buck has been feeling a bit under the weather for quite some time now. It has started with small throbbing headaches, which he quickly dismiss as fatigue or stress. Then come the sudden spells of dizziness that had caused dark spots to dance behind his eyes. To which he blames his lack of sleep.

He has not bother to tell his husband nor to consult Chimney or Hen because of the gap between the episodes of dizziness or getting light-headed were quite big. It's not like he has a constant throbbing pain to the point he's unable to function, so he doesn't really dwell on that matter.

Then one night came the nose bleeds after he had finished putting Chris to bed. Eddie was still on a shift after switching with Gary in order for one of them to be able to attend the parents-teachers meeting and Eddie had insisted to go this time. Remembering that one time Bobby got it too after the radioactive exposure scare, Buck shoves down his panic and worries into the imaginary bin. At least this time he is sure that he was not exposed to any killer rays.

After cleaning himself, he prepares to go to bed and slipped under the cover. His hand wanders towards the cold empty space beside him. Being by himself in the silence of the night, it is easy for his mind to shift to the last scene of the previous night.

They both had gone to bed angry. In all honesty, Buck doesn't really remember why they were fighting but he knows it was about something trivial. Something mundane on house chores, but he was tired and he snapped at Eddie.

The next morning he has said his apologies and Eddie had kissed him goodbye before leaving for work.

"I'm in my bed

And you're not here

And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands

Forget what I said

It's not what I meant

And I can't take it back

I can't unpack the baggage you left"

///

It is the night of the parents-teachers meeting and Eddie has left a while ago after finishing his 12 hours shift, leaving Buck to complete the rest of his 24 hours. Chris doesn't need to attend the meeting so he's at Abuela's, most likely in food coma now.

Once in a while, the unwelcome ache come back niggling at the base of his skull but Buck doesn't let them bothers him. He has learnt to live with them for a while. He really doesn't want any unwanted attention on him and be the man that has too many baggages, the firehouse doesn't need to divert their attention to a firefighter who simply has recurring headaches.

What is he really looking forward to right now is to go back home and cuddle with his husband, preferably while hearing the praises the teachers must have showers their son with.

Thinking about his family somehow able to chase the pain away to the point it is unnoticeable.

He simply smiles to the thought of his little family and his smile just get wider when Hen throws him a knowing look.

Their relationship is not without hiccup, but they've got through it all together. They both believe in healthy communication and no-sad-no-bad-secret-rule. Little did he know his belief is about to be tested.

"What am I now?

What am I now?

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'"

///

"I kissed Ana."

Not the three words Eddie usually says to him before bed.

At Eddie's thundering confession, Buck can feel his heart break, but he also literally can hear his mind cracked. Like his whole body is about to pop out of his skin.

Buck tries to find the logical reasoning for this confession and alcohol is usually to be blamed.

Eddie then has refuted on the possibility of getting drunk during a parent-teacher meeting and Buck doesn't know what to do about that. Did Eddie kissed Ana because Buck snapped at him the night before? Did he fucked up so bad? Did he do anything that has pushed Eddie away? His brain immediately went into overdrive and so he froze eventhough he can hear the strings of apologies that fell out if Eddie's mouth.

Then come the tears.

"What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'"

///

That night Eddie had held him while whispering strings of apologies into his ears, swaddles him with comforting words. But despite the lightness of Eddie's words towards him, Buck feels like the weight of the world is crushing him down. He feels like the exhaustion and the fatigues of the past few weeks are squeezing him dry. He's frustrated and tired and the tears doesn't seem stop any time soon. After baring his soul out, he finally succumbs to sleep, seeking momentarily solitude from bitter reality.

His sleep was not a peaceful one. Once in a while he'll wake up to either nightmare or sudden panic washed over him. He had thought of leaving to sleep in Chris' bedroom, but Eddie has keep him tight in his embrace. Dull ache keep pulsating in his head and so he nuzzles himself deeper into Eddie's hold. His husband's smell always able to keep him grounded and for a moment he believes in his wishful thinking that everything will work out later.

"You said you cared

And you missed me, too

And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you

And the coffee's out

At the Beachwood Café

And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say"

///

Buck woke up that morning to warm kisses peppered on his neck and jaw. He still feel sluggish and not well rested but to see Eddie's warm brown eyes full of guilt and sadness just tug his heart in the wrong way. It is easier for him to remain angry at his husband but with their history, he knows anger doesn't do any good to either of them. So he reciprocate when Eddie's lips touch his, welcoming the warm feeling while trying to shove the thought that this lips had been on another woman last night.

Initially he was hopeful for a busy day that will give enough distraction to him, but now he is thankful for the minor calls that came in as his head is literally pounding him to the ground.

They had start their morning routine as per usual but Buck had noticed how Eddie has been working hard to give him more attention and care. Not that Buck is complaining but with Eddie plastered to his side, it is getting harder to hide the needling pain of the headaches from his husband.

They were doing the inventory when a sharp pain blossom in his head that caused him to falter in his step. Worry immediately etched on Eddie's face as his husband massage the stiff muscle between his neck and shoulder.

"Are you okay, Evan?" Eddie asked.

Buck really hates to cause unnecessary worry to Eddie and so he grit his teeth trying to ignore the pain. "I will be." Buck replied with the most steady voice he could muster.

But Buck did not get better. Every passing moment is an agony but he wills himself to keep going, effectively trying to avoid to be in close vicinity with Chim or Hen.

But then he found himself halfway into the toilet bowl vomiting the little food that he just ate with Eddie a constant present on his side providing silent support.

He feels awful. The pain. The nausea. The heartbreak. The frustration. The exhaustion.

Is he being exhausting right now?

Will Eddie ran away to kiss Ana again now that his mouth full of stomach acid. He's not actually kissable right now.

Buck chases the dark thoughts away while trying to stand up with Eddie's help. Buck's mind is really jumbled up at the moment so sue him if he thinks Eddie is going to leave him alone in his misery.

"Maybe it's migraine." Buck suggested to Eddie who is still actively acting as his support pillar. With all the symptoms he's experiencing, the possibility fits, but then as fast as he heard Eddie humming in agreement, he feels like the single string holding him splintered and sudden blackness consumed him.

"What am I now?

What am I now?

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'"

///

All Buck is able to feel right now is fatigue. Extreme fatigue. He can hear white noises all around him but he can't really help himself to care. He feels the fog of unconsciousness slowly dragging him under but as soon as he let the darkness embraces him, stabbing pain prevented him from giving into total sleep.

He feels like he's trapped in between worlds and he hates the idea and the feeling of it. Buck wanted to stay in the world that have Eddie and Chris in it but right now he's encapsulated in a world clustered with pain and agony. Colours keep bursting behind his closed eyelids as waves of nausea hitting him.

He can't help but to let his mind runs the image of Ana substituting Buck in their house. Ana kissing Eddie goodbye. Ana making pancakes with chocolate chips for Chris. Ana on Buck's side of the bed. Ana celebrating Christmas and Halloween with the 118. Ana attending the parent-teacher meeting with Eddie. Ana putting Chris to bed. Maybe later on Ana will give Eddie another child. Maybe a girl so they'll have a pair. Buck had thought of adopting another baby with Eddie but they haven't really discuss it seriously, and now Buck is about to lose his chance.

Pictures of Eddie and Chris with Ana and their faceless child slowly taking over the house, replacing any trace of Buck in it.

Where will Buck be? Who will Buck be?

"And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again"

///

After feeling like eternity, the line of consciousness finally tugging him awake. Buck can feel a presence beside him, but he's in so much pain that tears are slipping free from the corner of his eyes.

He can feel the warm hands holding his left but he can't make out the owner but the feeling is like coming home.

But later the pain become unbearable to the point that he regrets of being awake.

The hands that are holding him suddenly gone and so as his consciousness. Buck knows no more as he slipped back into a nightmare addled sleep.

"What am I now?

What am I now?

What if you're someone I just want around?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'"

///

Clarity comes to him in stages. At one point he can hear a voice saying his name and Buck simply hums in response. That is his name, right?

Later he can hear Eddie's voice calling him, and he smiles to the thought that his husband is still beside him. At least he's not a lost cause.

When the numbness slowly fades, he can feel familiar calloused hand stroking his jaw and he leans his face into the warm palm silently pleading: please bring him home.

"What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin' again

I'm fallin'"

(Falling - Harry Styles)

Eddie’s POV is here: https://cirrius-akiyo.tumblr.com/post/621917028804165632/hold-on-lets-go-home-i-kissed-ana-eddie 

[cynicalrainbows]

Eve’s Curse

Second attempt at writing fluff for @six-gifts-exchanges for @saria-malinas!

Not at all meant as anything other than friendship (because in my own head, Cathy and Kitty have a very adorable, very pure best-friendship thing going on, which very possibly could involve friendship bracelets and- in the fullness of time- a very very Vanilla sort of Burn Book) but you can read it as mild Parrward if you want to, I suppose.

TW: Periods.

She’s halfway to the stairs, empty coffee cup in hand, when she catches the sound of muffled sobbing coming from the bathroom.

She hesitates on the top step- pretend not to have heard and give whoever it is a chance to pull themselves together and pretend All Is Well or interrupt and potentially risk getting herself mixed up in something she isn’t able to handle?

She’s the first to admit it- she’s not the best at giving comfort out of the six of them, no one would ever mistake her for the Mum-Friend.

She’s too awkward, too hesitant.

No, that title- rightfully- belongs to Jane, who not only has apparently found a way to bend the laws of physics in order to fit everything that anyone might conceivably need into her smallish handbag (Cathy has seen her pull out tissues AND aspirin AND water AND plasters AND gum AND a hairbrush AND tampons AND tweezers AND anti-hayfever medication out of her bag at a moments notice, and the mystery is further compounded by the fact that none of the other queens ever have caught Jane actually replenishing her bountiful supplies.)

In addition to being Keeper Of All Things, Jane also seems to have an almost spooky sixth-sense for knowing when she is needed, often just….appearing at the bedroom door of whichever queen is struggling, armed with chocolate and tea and sympathy, whether the issue is a persistent migraine (Aragon), a hangover (Anna) or social-media induced blues (Anne, who isn’t allowed to read their youtube comments anymore).

Jane though is out. Aragon too- who, in Jane’s absence, can usually be relied on to step in with advice and cups of green tea- is not around. 

Come to think of it, Anna did say something about going to the gym over breakfast…. 

That left Anne- who Cathy knows generally prefers to hide her tears behind thumpingly-loud music and/or a shower running on full rather than behind a simple door….and Kitty.

Oh god.

Reluctantly, Cathy finds herself retracing her steps until she’s right in front of the door.

Of course she can’t go back downstairs if it’s Kitty. Not that she’s even fully sure she believes in hell anymore (something she has neglected to mention to Catalina and fully plans to emphatically deny if her godmother ever catches wind of it) but she’s absolutely certain that wilfully leaving Kitty alone and in distress is the sort of thing that would be sure to forever condemn you to the darkest, deepest, scariest level of it.

(Also, the other queens would kill her if they found out: Jane might be first but Anna, she knows, wouldn't be far behind.)

She raises her hand to knock and then pulls it back.

Just do it. 

She can’t.

And it’s not that she doesn’t want to help Kitty, it’s not that she doesn’t care- she’s just scared to death.

She knows, after all, how much the youngest queen has been through- out of all of them, only she and Anna were actually there to hear, first-hand, the gossip that set half of London into a flurry of excitement as the other half bit their lips to keep from commenting: the King’s pretty new wife, the ex maid-in-waiting. 

Just like that Bullen girl, some said- some doubtfully, others gleefully. 

Young though, isn’t she? It was said with a smirk at first, with barely concealed concern later.

She looks like a child beside him-

They say he can’t keep his hands off her-

They say she’s looking ever so pale-

They say the King is angry-

They say she’s been meeting secretly with one of the King's men-

They say she’ll be sent to a nunnery-

They say she was pre-contracted-

And then, suddenly: She’s dead. Beheaded.

And that time, it was not gossip or open to speculation but sad, bleak, unalterable fact.

And still the rumours kept spreading: 

They say she cried as she was being led to the scaffold- and They say she begged the King to spare her family- and, more and more often now, so young, so very young.

It makes Cathy afraid to even talk to the girl- she only has to look at her to feel the crushing weight of years of guilt, and even as she reminds herself that she really had no more choice in the marriage than Kitty did herself, it doesn’t help much. She after all survived. That makes a difference.

It’s why she shies away not just from Kitty but from all of them- Anna, she’s sure, must secretly blame her for Kitty’s fate, and if she does, wouldn’t Anne feel the same? Jane, she’s sure, must also find herself looking askance at the woman who came directly after to marry the man who had her now-surrogate-daughter was killed. Even Catalina, who she feels closest to, probably finds it a bit odd that her own goddaughter went on to marry her husband.

The thoughts keep her a little isolated, a little lonely. It’s not awful or anything, just a bit solitary from time to time.

It’s ok though. Last to marry a notorious wife-killer, she’s used to people being uncomfortable around her.

True, Kitty doesn’t seem to hold anything against her.

She’s a little hesitant, a little shy- it took her days to talk around any of them in anything louder than a whisper, over a week before she was able to speak without being spoken to- but she still offers shy smiles across the stage when Cathy catches her eye mid-rehearsal. 

She remembers that she likes her coffee with cinnamon instead of sugar, and when it’s Cathy’s turn to wash up, sometimes she’ll look up and find she has a pink-haired shadow, drying the cups and plates and putting them away.

If anything, this makes it worse, the fact that she is confronted every day with this sweet, kind girl and forced to remember the awful things that were done to her.

It’s why she’s stuck outside the bathroom door, not even able to knock- what if she tries to help Kitty and she gets it wrong? What if she somehow makes things worse?

She isn’t sure she’d be able to live with herself.

Then Kitty gives a particularly sad sounding whimper and she realises that she definitely won’t be able to live with herself if she doesn’t do something.

‘Kitty?’

The whimpering chokes off and is replaced by silence.

‘Kitty, are you alright?’

Stupid question Cathy. As if crying in the bathroom has ever been considered a sign of ‘being alright’.

‘I’m- fine.’

Her voice is wavery. Cathy is at a bit of a loss.

‘Can I come in?’

‘No!’ Kitty’s voice is panicked and then hesitant. ‘I mean- yes of course, just…. I mean, not right now...please?’

‘Um….ok’ She feels out of her depth already- she doesn’t know whether to insist or to leave Kitty be like she’s requested. 

She tries another tack.

‘Can I get you anything? You don’t have to let me in but if you need anything I could….bring it to you.’ Even her own words sound insubstantial as she trails off- what exactly could Kitty need that she could bring? A book about surviving one's own beheading? 

‘N- no. It’s ok. You don’t have to. I didn’t want to bother anyone else-’

‘Are you sure?’ She really really wishes they could be having this conversation face to face and feels a sudden pang of sympathy for Catalina for all the times that she’s surrendered to her own demons and made the woman carry out a mostly-one-sided conversation with a locked door. ‘Honestly, Kitty I just want to help. It’s not a bother at all- I’ll get you anything you need-’

She’s surprised when it actually elicits a response- there’s a scuffle, the door opens a tiny bit and a tear-stained Kitty appears in the crack.

‘Do you-’ She twists her fingers anxiously. ‘Do you…..know how to get blood out of stuff?’

There’s a second where she’s confused by the question, before her mind clears and she realises that by stuff, Kitty probably means clothes. 

‘....yes’ She’s trying not to panic- is she hurt? Is something very wrong? Why oh why did Jane and Aragon both have to go out at the same time?- and then she sees Kitty wince and press her hands to her abdomen and her shoulders sink in relief.

‘Oh.’

Kitty doesn’t look anywhere near as relieved- a tear slides down her cheek and Cathy feels her heart squeeze. The poor thing looks so young-

‘Hey-’ She steps forward and gently opens the door wider so that she can wrap an arm around the girls shoulders. She’s practically holding her breath as she does- what if Kitty pushes her away, what if she slams the door on her- but she lets her. Cathy could swear she actually leans into her touch a tiny bit. 

‘It’s ok, I know how much they can hurt but it’ll be over soon- I’ll get you a hot water bottle and some painkillers, that’ll help-’

She’s mentally rejoicing over the fact that the gathering of these items is a physical action she can actually do when Kitty’s voice breaks.

‘- I don’t know what I did wrong-’

‘Sorry?’

‘I must have done something and I just-’

‘You haven’t done anything wrong.’ God knows Kitty wouldn’t be the only one to misjudge monthly timings in a way that resulted in unexpected laundry. ‘Sometimes it just takes you by surprise and-’

‘But I was so careful!’ It’s almost a wail and it takes Cathy aback. ‘I didn’t do anything this time round, I was so, so careful… I don’t want it all to happen again Cathy!’

‘Hold on-’ Clearly she has missed a couple of jumps in logic here- she steers Kitty back inside the bathroom, sits her down on the edge of the bathtub and kneels down in front of her while Kitty sniffles. ‘What do you mean by not doing anything? It’s just your period, you can’t control it-’

‘I must have done something to make it come-’ Kitty looks at her with red-rimmed eyes. ‘I know that it was my fault before, I know I shouldn’t have let him….touch me but he was so angry, Cathy! He said he’d be ill if i didn’t, he said I led him on-’ she starts to cry, quietly, hunching forward. ‘And then it came- when my step grandmother saw the blood...she said it showed I was a woman, that I must have been doing things I shouldn’t- I wasn’t a girl anymore- Cathy, I haven’t done anything this time, I swear it, I just….don’t know how it happened-’

Cathy’s mind is reeling and for a moment, all she can do is reach out mutely and pull the weeping girl into her arms. She isn’t quite sure what to say, how to begin- anger and indignation and sadness all battle in her mind- and she’s sure there’s a right thing to say, if only she can think of it.

‘Oh Kitty-’

‘I know- oh Cathy, please don’t tell the others, I don’t want them to know I-’ Her face contorts with a sob. ‘Please don’t tell Jane-’

There’s so much Cathy wants to say- wise, sensible, non-judgemental things, the sort of things that Jane or Catalina would say, but instead what comes out is: ‘Your grandmother told you it was your fault? What an absolute bitch!’

‘Step grandmother-’ Kitty flinches a bit in her arms at her vehemence and Cathy has to reign herself in, gently rubbing small circles over Kitty’s shoulders until she relaxes again.

‘Sorry, just…’ She’s fumbling for the words that will make everything better, when really what she wants to do is scoop this poor girl up into her arms and keep her safe from all of the terrible lies people are clearly so intent on telling her. ‘Kitty, you know you didn’t do anything wrong, right? You didn’t make anything happen?’

Stupid, stupid. Of course, she knows, if Kitty knew that, they wouldn’t be having this conversation.

‘What do you mean? Of course I did. I mean, I know he shouldn’t have either but something had to have triggered it so-’

‘No!’ Cathy finds she’s actually raising her voice a bit. ‘You didn’t do anything, you-’ She forces her voice soft and instinctively takes Kitty’s hands in her own. ‘Kitty, getting your period is nothing to do with what you’ve done or said or- or anything.’

‘But-’

‘Listen to me. It’s nothing to do with anything. Back then- you would have gotten it anyway. And now- honestly, I’m surprised it didn’t come sooner but sometimes stress can-’ She’s getting off topic. ‘Just….it’s nothing to do with doing anything wrong. It’s just biology.’

‘It’s Eve’s curse though, it’s a punishment-?’ She says it as if it’s fact but there’s the hint of a question in it, a tiny spark of raw, naked hope in Kitty’s woebegone face that’s breaking Cathy’s heart.

‘No, Kitty. It’s just how the woman’s body works- trust me, I’ve researched all of it. People today- they know about these things, they know SO much more than we did back then, they know things we didn’t even think to question…’ Whoops. Off topic again. 

Hold back the rant Cathy, the poor girl can hear your thoughts on all this at another point. Ideally one where she isn’t in tears and bleeding.

Kitty’s looking at her, half hopeful, half unsure and she realises she’s going to need to explain things a bit better.

‘Ok. What did your step grandmother tell you when you were younger?’

‘That it meant I was becoming a woman- I was opening myself up to Eve’s sin.’

Cathy grits her teeth. ‘What else?’

‘That I could have babies now. And that I’d brought it on myself so I wasn't to go whining about the place looking for sympathy because the pain was punishment.’

She’s never in her life wanted to throttle an old woman more.

‘So- she was sort of right…. Not about the pain bit. Look, you know when women get pregnant, the baby grows in the womb?’

Kitty nods.

Every month, the womb readies itself for a baby. When there isn’t a baby, it sort of….clears itself and begins again. That’s why it hurts- your womb, your uterus is sort of ripping everything out. That’s why you bleed. Not because it’s a punishment.’

‘But….if I did something to trigger it-’

‘Kitty.’ Cathy looks at her unblinkingly, trying to put as much gravity behind her words as she can, praying they’ll sink in. ‘Listen. There is no one single thing you could have done or not done that would have made the slightest bit of difference, ok? Not a thing. It’s the same for all of us- you can ask any of us, it’s always the same. Nothing to do with you. You haven’t done anything wrong now and you didn’t do anything wrong then, ok?’

She watches until Kitty gives a tremulous nod of assent.

‘Good.’

There’s a moment of silence, and then Kitty wearily brushes at her still-teary eyes and sniffles. ‘I feel really stupid. You must think I’m an idiot-’ 

‘No! It’s not your fault!’ Cathy can’t bear the idea that Kitty is blaming herself again- the poor girl sounds so sad and broken down. ‘How were you meant to know different? I wasn’t telling you to make you feel silly, you know that right? Just...I didn’t want you to feel guilty for something that wasn’t your fault. You don’t deserve that.’

Please, please know I didn’t mean it badly-

Kitty sighs and nods resignedly. She looks suddenly very tired. ‘- thanks.’

‘You’re welcome. Now-’ It occurs to her that while the emotional side of things might be mostly-sorted for now, there’s still some things to take care of. ‘Here’s what we’ll do-’

It’s a shock to hear herself taking charge in such a way- she sounds like Jane, talking one or another of them through a crisis, all soothing and in control. Not her own awkward self at all. ‘I’m going to run you a hot bath- it’ll help with the cramps- and I’ll sort out your clothes and get you some pads-’

‘I don’t have any-’

‘Oh there’s always some in the bathroom cabinet.’ She rummages into its innermost recesses til she finds what she’s looking for. ‘We’ll get you some of your own too, of course. But you can always borrow from any of us in future, if you run out, ok?’

‘....ok.’

She stands Kitty up and starts turning on the taps. ‘Leave your clothes outside the bathroom door, and I’ll bring you some new stuff-’

‘You don’t have to wash my clothes-’ 

Kitty looks absolutely mortified and Cathy wonders why for a second- of course she’s not going to judge her- before remembering how she herself had  fiercely resisted Catalina taking care of her when she’d come down with flu, how Anne had limped miserably on a sprained ankle for a whole rehearsal before admitting it to anyone. It’s not just Kitty- they’re all getting used to being vulnerable with one another.

‘I absolutely don’t mind-’ Then she stops herself. The last thing Kitty needs is another person ignoring what she wants. ‘-but if you’d rather, I could wait and show you how to do it yourself?’

Kitty nods acquiescence, smiling shyly, and Cathy smiles back. She feels a flicker of pride- she might not have reacted exactly as Jane would have (she’s sure Jane’s method wouldn’t have involved calling anyone a bitch)...but she’s managed to make Kitty smile. 

That’s enough for now.

‘Then that’s what we’ll do.’

*

Kitty’s flushed from the heat of the bath when she joins Cathy downstairs, clutching a small bundle, and her eyes are still a bit swollen but she looks more like herself.

She takes the painkillers that Cathy’s laid out for her gratefully, and listens attentively as Cathy explains the science behind cold rather than hot water and how long to let things soak before they can go into the machine.

When she’s finished putting the stained clothes to soak, they both stand awkwardly for a second. Cathy wonders if it’s her cue to leave- should she leave Kitty alone now? Has she had enough of her? Will they both disappear to separate rooms and go back to smiling rather than talking?

The thought makes her feel oddly lonely.

Kitty breaks the silence first.

‘So...I’ve probably taken up enough of your day now-’ She keeps her eyes on her bare feet and so Cathy finds herself looking at the floor too- the pink polish that Cathy remembers Anne applying the week before on the white living room rug has chipped a bit and it’s suddenly much, much more important than looking at Kitty’s face.

‘No-’

‘You’ve probably got things you wanted to do-’

‘Well-’ She’s about to agree and back off like she usually does, letting Kitty be free of her like she probably hopes she will…. But then, she decides to be brave. There’s a chance, after all, that Kitty is only saying that to give Cathy herself an out- She can almost hear Catalina’s voice in her head: You have to give people a chance, mija.

 ‘I was going to watch tv for a bit…’

Kitty bites her lip. ‘Oh- well, have fun-’

She can’t believe Kitty’s actually making her say it- she wants to complain that it isn’t fair. You can’t have two socially awkward people in one conversation- nothing gets done!

Still- it occurs to her that she’s actually been dealing rather well with things up until now, evidence being that Kitty’s no longer crying and doesn’t seem to be in pain anymore (although she supposes that’s more to the credit of the painkillers than to her). 

Still- the point is, she’s done ok. Maybe she can carry on doing ok?

She takes a quick breath, already steeling herself for Kitty to turn her down. 

What if she doesn’t actually want to, what if she feels like she has to say yes out of pity?

‘Do you want to watch with me?’

Kitty hesitates.

‘It’s ok if you don’t want to-’

For a second, she can almost hear Kitty doing the same internal pep talk Cathy has just given herself- and then she smiles widely.

‘I’d like to, if you’re sure you don’t mind?’

‘Of course not!’

They’re settling themselves onto the living room sofa (for once, being able to do so without having to negotiate for space with at least two other people as is usually the case) when Kitty’s hand finds Cathy’s and squeezes it.

‘Thank you. For being so nice.’

It’s not exactly poetry, but Cathy can’t stop herself from smiling.

‘Thank you….for letting me help.’

Kitty smiles awkwardly and Cathy grabs the remote from the floor. ‘So. What do you feel like watching?’

*

They flick through a few channels until Kitty squeaks in excitement at a show which apparently involves cross women choosing wedding dresses.

(Cathy privately thinks this sounds like a stupid idea of a program but decides she’ll go along with it. For Kitty’s sake.)

*

(An hour later, she realises how hubristically, foolishly wrong she was ever to doubt the genius of such a show and makes a mental note to ask why no one told her that it existed before.)

Beside her, Kitty laughs at her interest and then winces again.

‘You like it! You- ow Ow!’ 

‘Oh you poor thing- is it bad?’

Kitty whimpers, clutching at the hem of Cathy’s flannel shirt in one hand. ‘I thought it had stopped- the cramps, I mean-’

Cathy shakes her head ruefully. ‘They do trick you like that… it’s a bit too soon for you to take anything else but I have an idea-’

‘Like what?’

She smiles. ‘Wait and see.’

*

She’s not sure if it’s the hot water bottle or the mug of hot chocolate, topped with a small mountain of whipped cream and studded with chocolate drops, that makes the difference, but after a couple of minutes, Kitty relaxes again and unfolds from the curled up position she’d assumed. 

Somehow, her head has ended up in Cathy’s lap, but she doesn’t move. 

And Cathy, playing with the bright pink tips of her ponytail, finds she doesn’t mind either (she wonders if one can get the same endorphins from stroking Kitty’s hair as one does from stroking an actual cat.)

‘Better?’

‘Mm-hmm.’

‘Good.’

‘Cathy?’

‘Yes?’

Kitty twists around and sits up a bit.

‘You know….if you ever need anything…?’

‘Yes?’

‘.....you know, you can come to me….right? I’d help, if I could.’

She actually thinks Kitty means it.

‘I know.’ 

She resumes her petting of Kitty’s hair, who lays her head back down and sighs contentedly.

‘Cathy?’

‘Hmm?’

‘This is really nice.’

‘.....it is.’ It is. It really, really is.

‘Can we...maybe do this again some time? If- if you wanted to?’

Her heart leaps but she keeps it under wraps.

‘Sure Kitty.’

(Still, she can’t stop herself smiling.)

[hartigays]

your harringrove fics give me life. i love them. can you write with 56 for harringrove from the prompt list?

56. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were trying to flirt by giving me books.”

billy really, really, really hates the way hospitals smell. with a burning passion.

it’s a hearty blend of antiseptic, stale air, and burnt coffee. he’d thought that he’d be used to it by now, but. no such luck. the stench still makes his nose wrinkle every day upon waking up.

he’s been confined to this room for nearly two months. it’s not always bad, billy supposes. primarily due to the utter defeat that has settled itself in his bones.

people actually come and visit him. people like max, or joyce byers, or el, the quiet, perceptive girl who saved his life, or. or.

steve harrington.

that’s the one that surprised billy the most, in the beginning. hawkins high school’s former king came by the first time with max. he was quiet, subdued. his face holding more scars than billy remembered him having.

in the beginning, steve stayed quiet. then, he progressed to asking soft, careful questions, like how are you doing and are they treating you well here and do you need me to bring you anything? it made absolutely no sense to billy. still doesn’t.

he’s not exactly deserving of kindness from anyone, especially not the guy he beat the shit out of in a blind rage.

but billy is tired. he’s fucking tired and that thing snuffed out any fire he had left. any fire he could’ve used to snap at steve that he’s not an invalid and can take care of himself, or yell at max that he doesn’t need her pity, or blow up at el and finally tell her that he didn’t deserve saving.

so. billy sits in this bed. he lets joyce bring him all kinds of surprises, from candy, to car magazines, to even a pack of cigarettes that he’d begged for only a little. he lets max and el braid his hair and trim up the beard he hasn’t been able to shave. he even lets them give him manicures sometimes.

he lets steve bring him the comfort of his presence. and the books.

for some reason, steve began bringing him books midway through his hospital stay. at first, billy just tossed them onto the chair next to his bed without a word. steve never mentioned it, even after the pile grew into a miniature mountain.

billy refused them at first just to be mean. the only act of rebellion he could feasibly manage. but once he grew bored enough to crack one open, he found that reading had somehow become very difficult.

he just. struggled. the words ran together, too small and sentences too complex to dissect and he kept forgetting what so many words meant. his attempt resulted in a pretty killer migraine.

the doctors say it’ll get easier with time, but. he’d suffered from lack of oxygen to the brain. only for a short time, a matter of seconds at best, but it happened. they said it’d make things hard for a while. and they were right.

reading is now an arduous process. billy also finds that more often than not he struggles to find his words. and sometimes, when he’s speaking, he’ll stumble over a word, then immediately forget it after, effectively cutting himself off in the middle of his sentence.

it’s frustrating. but again, billy is tired. it’s just another thing to add to the shit pile that is his life.

max, or el, or joyce, or the doctors, or someone informed steve that billy can’t read anymore. they must have, because steve had walked in one day, sat down and picked up a book, and just started reading to him.

billy wanted to protest. but he finds steve’s voice oddly soothing. and he’s tired. so. he let it happen. he let it happen every visit after that, too.

it’s been a strange and exhausting few weeks.

“the doctors say you can start physical therapy soon.”

max is currently trimming up his beard again, her blue eyes focused in on her work with a burning intensity.

“they told me this...this...m-m...” billy trips over the word, sighing heavily.

“this morning? good,” max finishes for him without missing a beat. “you should be excited. you can finally start moving around again without the chair.”

“do me a favor and burn it,” billy tells her. max gives him a small smile.

the wheelchair has been the bane of his existence. he’d never considered how hard it’d be to not have the ability to move around on his own. another tally in his mistake column. he’s found that he has a rather long list of them.

“i think the hospital might frown upon that.”

billy glances over at the door. steve is lingering in the doorway, watching max work with a soft smile on his face. it makes billy’s heart kick, just a little.

another mistake to add to the list. falling for steve harrington and his fluffy hair and big brown doe-eyes has to be just about the dumbest thing billy has ever done in his entire life.

“fuck ‘em,” billy says, flipping off the ceiling with both hands. “‘s my chair now. i do what i w...want.”

max finishes her final touch-ups to his beard, then stands. “i’m gonna go get some lunch. i’ll come back later. if you want me to.”

billy just nods. max squeezes his hand, the way she always does before she leaves, and hikes her bag over her shoulder. she disappears out the door a moment later, and steve takes her place in the chair by the bed.

“how’re you feeling?” steve asks, same way he always does.

“like a million bucks.” billy gives him a smile that’s all teeth. some things never change.

steve just gives him a soft smile back. “i brought some new books. i wasn’t sure if you were into, um. romance novels? so i brought a mix.”

his face is bright red, and billy is pretty sure it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen. there are very few things billy finds cute, mind you. steve harrington just happens to be one of the few.

“if i didn’t know you better, i’d say you’re trying to f...f...fuck,” billy groans, and steve raises his brows.

“that i’m trying to what?”

“that’s not - i didn’t mean that. let me...start over,” billy grouches, frustrated and tomato-red in the face. again. “if i didn’t know you better, i’d say you’re trying to f...flirt by bringing me books.”

“hm, nah. you were right the first time. i’m just trying to fuck.” steve practically shakes with the force of his laughter. he sobers when he sees billy’s expression. “shit, i’m sorry. it was - that was just a joke. i wasn’t trying to -”

“so you wouldn’t fuck a guy in a wh...wheel...wheelchair? that’s low, harrington. tsk, tsk,” billy tells him, keeping his face perfectly neutral.

the only thing he loves more than seeing steve smile is watching him squirm.

“no! of course not - i mean, i would. of course i would. there’s nothing wrong with the wheelchair, don’t ever think that, i just meant, like. that’s not what i’d want to do first, i’d want to take you out to...” steve trails off, his brows furrowing at the sight of billy’s barely contained laughter. “oh. you’re kidding.”

“i’m kidding,” billy says through a snort. he sobers after a moment, considering steve’s words. “but are you?”

steve is quiet for a moment. he’s looking at his hands and billy is pretty sure he has his answer and god, this sucks, and then, “no. i’m not.”

billy’s whole world tilts. steve harrington wants to fuck him. steve harrington wants him. steve harrington brings billy books every day and reads to him and makes him laugh and takes him on trips in the chair around the parking lot because he likes him.

he realizes, very quickly, that he has no fucking idea what to do with that.

his feelings for men have been something billy has bottled up and stuffed way deep down inside. because i’m not a faggot is what his mind is telling him. it sounds a lot like neil.

but he almost died. he did die, for a few brief seconds. his heart stopped. his brain stopped getting oxygen. and neil, upon hearing about billy’s heroic involvement in taking down a secret base of russian spies, hasn’t stepped foot in this hospital since.

billy is eighteen. he can leave hawkins, can leave neil behind. he can hold steve’s hand if he wants to. he almost died and he’s tired and he can’t find that anger that fueled the way he’d lived his life in the past. things are different now.

he’s different now.

so. he chews on his lip for a moment, debating. then reaches out a hand to steve, still looking down at his blankets.

a moment later, steve’s hand finds his. billy doesn’t say anything for a long moment - just smiles.

and then, “knew you couldn’t...you couldn’t...r-resist this charm, pretty boy.”

steve snorts, and billy looks up to see him rolling his eyes, a little more than endearingly. he meets billy’s a moment later. inches forward just a little. just a little more, more, more, until he’s close enough to brush his lips across billy’s.

it’s just a gentle press of lips, lingering for just a moment before pulling back. but it’s enough to have billy’s heart singing in his chest. steve’s lips are soft, and warm, and they fit with billy’s just right.

steve smiles, soft as hell, and tucks some of billy’s curls behind his ear. “do you want me to come to your first session? the physical therapy, i mean?”

billy considers this for a moment. he’d been dead-set on doing this alone. steve must know this instinctively, given that he’s bothering to ask. but it’d be nice to have him there, with words of encouragement when billy needs them and supportive silence when he doesn’t.

“yeah. yeah, i do,” billy tells him, voice quiet. steve nods, still smiling. “can you, um. can you just...just...read? yeah, can you read me one of your shitty books? for right now?”

“hey, my taste in books is impeccable,” steve says, turning up his nose with a sniff. then he cracks a grin, squeezing billy’s hand. “yeah, i can. action first, or romance?”

“romance me, princess.”

steve kisses his palm, leaning down to grab a book from the stack on the floor.

“you got it, billy.”

send me a number + a pairing!

[mysticalcrusadementality]

Scars Along My Heart (A Frisk, Gaster and Sans Love Triangle)

 Damn… That was faster than I thought; I actually didn’t expect anyone to give this post any mind. But the people have spoken so… On with the show!

Also since Tumblr won’t let me italicize or bold texts anymore this key will help you keep track of who is saying/thinking what.

Frisk: (F)

The voice (better know as Chara): (V)

Gaster: (G)

Anything without “” is the characters thoughts

Anything inside {} is said in sign language

~}{~

Frisk waved good-bye to Undyne as she dashed away, most likely heading back to Snowdin while Alphys and Papyrus trained. She chuckled at the thought; if she was honest it seemed like a pretty good fit to have the proud skeleton be her mentor. Being around someone so upbeat and hopeful even in the face of adversity was just the thing for such a shy little introvert like the royal scientist. The content smile on her face soon fell away though as she turned to face the road ahead, dread oozing and spilling over her soul like toxic sludge at the thought of facing Asgore. Again. Mechanically her feet brought her forward, each step dragging across the damp ground as the apprehension seemed to physically weigh her down the closer she got to the castle. It wasn’t even facing off against the king that made her feel this way, it was facing HIM and she’d have to be a real moron to think he wouldn’t have something else planned for her after she’d finished this little side quest he’d sent her on. God just thinking about going through all of that a second time made her feel exhausted. Physically, mentally, spiritually… Exhausted. Unconsciously her arms rose up to wrap themselves around her torso, her grip on her forearms tight as she hugged herself to have even the smallest form of comfort. Even if it was only from herself… (V) You know it doesn’t have to be this way. It whispered in the same way a snake would try to entice its next victim. (F) Oh god not you again. She thought back with a groan. (V) Oh you better believe it doll face. It giggled mockingly. The voice was back, the same voice that had been following her since the beginning of her journey in this strange subterranean world. At first the human hadn’t thought much of it, after all if she had landed in a hole inhabited by anthropomorphic goats with fire magic, little voices in her head that occasionally gave helpful advice was probably the most normal thing to happen in this particular situation. It was weird, but it was nice to have some company. That is until their suggestions started to take on a, darker tone. After exiting the Ruins and making their way to the inviting warmth that was Snowdin Town, the young woman had encountered several formidable enemies. Those battles had been difficult, testing her endurance and ability to think on her feet. More than once had her impatience and recklessness caused her to meet her end, it was only her strange ability to turn back the clock that allowed her to be where she was now. Each time it happened it felt like waking up from a bad dream, an experience she hated no matter how many times it happened. Despite this the girl still tried to end these battles peacefully, Toriel had showed her the kindness they were capable of and in turn she wished to return it and show monsters that she was not here to hurt them. Her companion on the other hand had seen things differently, growing more and more frustrated with each defeat. Insisting that taking a more aggressive approach was the best course of action and that a hardy swing of the toy knife she’d picked up would have been enough to scare her opponents away, or better yet getting rid of them altogether. It was then the human decided that she didn’t like this voice anymore. The monsters had hurt her yes, but unlike Flowey they were never malicious. They’d talked about taking her soul to the king and how it was the last one they needed to finally be free. At the time Frisk hadn’t fully understood what that meant, but she was smart enough to conclude that the monsters were being “trapped” by something and they believed that she had what they needed to escape. They weren’t evil, just desperate. And that was enough to solidify her decision to keep showing them kindness, she couldn’t truly die anyway so she might as well put this “gift” to good use and see if she could help. At that the voice grew distant and cold, leaving her to fend for herself until she ended up in another taxing battle that had her struggling to stay alive. When this happened they always sounded delighted, as if they enjoyed her pain while they tried to persuade her into indulging in some “well deserved payback” as they put it. But she refused. She was not a killer and they did not deserve to die for wanting to be free. Reading the prophecy in Waterfall the first time had left her with a number of emotions to shift through; anger at the humans of the past for their actions came the quickest. Sadness soon followed at the realization of what they had done to monster kind set in and last was a peculiar happiness that she had followed her instincts and continued to spare those that tried to fight her. (F) What do you want? As if I didn’t know already. Rolling her eyes at her luck. (V) Oh, someone’s feeling snarky at the moment. The monsters giving you trouble? Are you finally beginning to see things my way? It honestly disgusted Frisk to notice how they didn’t even try to hide that sick, sadistic glee in their words. (F) Fat-chance Casper, now piss off! She shouted back. The sparks of anger igniting the fire in her soul and prompted her to release the hold on her upper arms, now swinging them as her stride grew longer, faster and with purpose. (V) Come now gumdrop you know as well as I do that this goody two-shoes act has only gotten you killed a dozen times over and steady migraine. If I were in charge we would have been at Asgore’s doorstep a long time ago. (F) Well then it’s a good thing your not then isn’t it? The human hissed back. (V) Such an idiotic, pathetic little thing you are. Too weak and stupid to comprehend that— Okay now that got the young woman’s attention, this pain in the ass poltergeist never passed up the opportunity to insult her and they never cut themselves off in the middle of one either. Halting her advance Frisk scoped out the immediate area, whatever had the voice on edge she needed to keep an eye out for it. At the moment the girl found herself in a deserted hallway, seeing nothing other than the same deep blue stone that made up this portion of the Underground. (F) Okay either the threat is invisible or this is your new way of fucking with me, she told them as she continued to search. (V) Get out of here. NOW. The demand was loud, reverberating in her mind and disorienting her to the point where she almost lost her footing. Shouting in pain she clutched at her head, screwing her eyes shut before taking a few deep breaths to help ride out the intense throbbing between her eyes. “I don’t understand what are you so…” Frisk trailed off. With her eyelids open just a crack she could see something shimmering on the on wall to her left. “What is—” (V) STAY AWAY FROM THAT! They screamed at her. “FUCKING HELL! Again!” The sheer force enough this time that she indeed fell to her knees in front of the shimmer. “Quit doing that!” Blood racing through her veins she waited until her pulse was calm before she rose to her feet. Blinking she looked for the shimmer, but was surprised to see that it had vanished. “What? But it was just here” gasped Frisk. (V) Well it’s not here any more. Let’s go. (F) I don’t think so. Narrowing her gaze in defiance the young woman scanned the wall for the telltale glimmer from before. (V) No I forbid it! The voice practically growled with anger. (F) Yeah well you can take your forbid and shove it up your—there! Quickly Frisk rushed forward to where she saw the shift in the light, keeping both eyes squinted to insure that the thing she now recognized as a grey door remain in her sights. (V) YOU IDIOT I SWEAR IF YOU OPEN THAT DOOR I’LL TEAR APART YOUR MIND UNTIL YOU DON’T HAVE EVEN A SHRED OF SANITY LEFT! This was practically a banshee’s screech within the confines of Frisk’s mind, one that should have left her a crumpled mess on the dirt floor had her determination to see what was in this new room not been so high. Whatever was in there scared no, terrified the voice and that meant one of two things. It was either an object, maybe an ally that could possibly help her get rid of them or it was a horrible monstrosity that would kill her and be able to make the death a permanent one. There was no way of knowing what the outcome would be, but anything was better then going on as she was. So with as much determination as she could the human grabbed the knob and twisted it open before propelling herself forward. She stumbled, nearly falling to the ground again but was able to catch herself at the last second. She prepared for the onslaught of the voice’s tirade but in the back of her head she could only hear a faint buzzing each time they tried to speak. (F) Okay not sure what this place is, but I like it already, she mused taking in the light grey walls of the short hall she was in that lead to an equally small grey room. Then she spotted something strange, at the center of the grey room was a large mound of what could only be described as ink. And it was moving. (F) Who or what is that? The buzzing grew louder but she ignored it in favor of slowly making her way to the black mass, she stopped two feet away from it in case it decided to get violent and in a gentle voice she called to it. “Hey, excuse me who are you?” The black mass seemed to jump, not expecting someone to speak to it. As swiftly as its liquid form could manage it turned to face the human, revealing a white skull-like face that was cracked in two places. The first extended from its left eye to the corner of its open mouth, while the other stretch upwards from its half closed right eye to the back of its head. When it saw her Frisk could have sworn it let out a strangled gasp as it stared at her in shocked. Then the strangest of sounds like the kind a computer would make came tumbling out of its mouth, while two boney hands moved in tune with the sounds. “I’m sorry I don’t understand,” she told him sadly. Frantically they moved their hands faster, the noises they were making almost desperate as they tried to get her to understand. “I’m sorry, I really am but I can’t understand what you’re saying.” It was heartbreaking to see their face fall at her confession; they looked so hopeless and miserable. They stopped making the noises yet their hands continued to move, though now at a slower, more easy to follow pace. “Weird it’s almost like you’re… speaking in hands,” her realization ending in a whisper as she stared at the mysterious monster’s perpetually moving fingers. Let’s see if I still remember how to do this. Kneeling down before them Frisk slowly began to sign out letters. (F) {Hello my name is Frisk. Who are you?} When the monster caught sight of her message they froze, even their busy hands stilling at their surprise. After what felt like an eternity they responded in a similar fashion. (G) {Hello Frisk my name is Wing Dings Gaster.} The buzzing was getting worse now but that didn’t matter, they could communicate, she could talk to Gaster! Now she just had to find out what he was doing here. Giving him a warm smile she continued with her questions. (F) {Can you tell me what this place is? I’ve never seen it before.} (G) {It is part of a place known only as the void. A sort of parallel dimension that shadows this world.} (F) Well damn this is some real life science fiction now. The shock must have shown on her as Gaster’s cracked mouth rose into an amused smile. (F) {How did you get here?} And just like that the smile slipped away to be replaced by a troubled frown. (G) {A lab experiment gone wrong, it brought me here with no way to escape.} (F) {What about the door? Can’t you just go through?} (G) {Even if I did I no longer fully exist in their world. No one can see or hear me. Except you.} (F) {Is there anything I—} Frisk didn’t get to finish that question as the horrible buzzing struck her again, only this time she could hear the voice. (V) I WARNED YOU. The human screamed in pain, grabbing her head as wave after wave of agony came crashing down upon her. Somewhere among the torrent of suffering she registered the feeling of hands carefully clasping her shoulders. Forcing her hazel orbs to open she looked into the dark sockets of Gaster, his white pupils flying over her features as he tried to find what was causing her such distress. In numb awe she watched as he called her soul forward, the typically bright red heart now dim as another heart, this one tattered and as black as tar attempted to snuff out her lights. At the sight Gaster seemed to go through a thousand different emotions at once until his features settled into a look she knew all too well. The look of determination. Nodding to himself the strange goopy skeleton man summoned his own soul, the brilliance of the inverted heart shining proudly in its dull surroundings. Then without warning he sent it forward, crashing into Frisk like two colliding atoms and the room erupted into a blinding white light.

This literally took me all half of yesterday and all of today to finish. Also despite being a frans shipper and the nature of this situation I’m gunna put who Frisk actually ends up with up to you guys. I kinda wanna see if you guys will pick Gatser or not and I can maybe treat this like a reverse effect when people write soriel but still have Frisk wanting to be with him. I love Sans but some times that mother fucker needs a taste of his own medicine >:D Let me know what you guys think.