#Also my comm is open now but have other things to do so wont be fast | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

indigo · 1 year ago

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i'm still thinking about this and talking about it so you know what now that we've covered Automattic's dumbass fixation on user growth when tumblr already had a reasonably steady if stagnant userbase let's do a port-mortem on how bizarre their attempts to monetize tumblr have been.

advertising - tumblr had advertising before Automattic but ads on tumblr were always, and still remain, a joke. tumblr obviously collects user data and does a relatively okay job interpreting it based on my tumblr fyp but the overall lack of targeted advertising on tumblr is confusing. i'm not mad that they're not selling my data, but it is strange that the advertising is still so bad if the goal is to make tumblr profitable or at least cost neutral for Automattic.

post+ - ok idea but rolled out strangely. the problem is what does paying to view someone's blog get me that i don't already get for free? it's a niche that is already filled by substack and patreon. this might have gone over better if they used users who post stuff like tutorials for the rollout instead of random popular users.

tumblr live - selling tokens or whatever that people can gift streamers is a worthwhile monetization strategy but tumblr live is just such an incongruous feature that its hard to imagine any significant portion of the userbase regularly buying gifts for streamers

post tips - this is definitely a nice idea but also runs into the problem of what am i getting here that i'm not getting for free. at least if i tip a streamer i know they'll get the tip and say "thank you prism you're the best" and feed my parasocial relationship but i have no idea if that'll happen here. it's just not a steady source of monetization.

blaze - i think this is one of the better monetization strategies but ultimately blazing a post has little utility if you don't get anything out of having a post go viral on tumblr.

ad-free viewing - i think this is probably the best monetization strategy they've enacted, but unfortunately it is limited by the ubiquity of adblocking on desktop. however for users on mobile (especially on iphone) it is a steady source of income as a renewing subscription so this is good.

blog badges & irl tumblr merch - badges are cute and people obviously like them. merch as well holds an obviously appeal for some demographics. however, here's the problem: how many people are going to buy more than 1? probably not enough to make up for the people who wont buy anything.

if there's any other monetization strategies they tried then obviously they flopped so hard i forgot they existed. so.

what confuses me most is the monetization strategies Automattic DIDN'T do. Automattic talks about tumblr as the home for creatives online so why not pursue monetization strategies that directly benefit those users while tumblr takes a cut?

for instance, why not allow tumblr users to set up in-app shops? Automattic already has an e-commerce service for the Wordpress side of their business. there are a lot of artists here with big followings and this would allow them to convert that directly into sales instead of trying to get people to click the link to their etsy store or personal website. take a cut like any other e-commerce service or marketplace and that's a sustainable source of revenue. tiktok is doing exactly this with tiktok shop and based on the packages my roommate keeps getting its working. so why not here?

or why not make it simpler to commission artists through tumblr? i think the open for commission badges are a good start but the problem with getting comms on tumblr is you need to get a following or get lucky with having your posts stumbled upon in the tags. build a directory with the users who have the comms badge on their blogs and make it filterable so people can search through fandom, price ranges, compositions the artists does, etc. take a finders fee if the artist gets a comm through the directory.

(i think the last thing that gets to me about this missed opportunity to invest in actually viable monetization strategies for tumblr is that it would've made post+ actually fucking useful)

i just. i don't get it. we live in a society capitalism blah blah blah for tumblr to justify its existence it must make money. but why have they gone the stupidest possible route to make money and thus doomed themselves to failure.?

The thing that frustrates me about the news of Tumblr losing staff and likely becoming largely unsupported is they probably over-invested in Tumblr in the first place. The goal was to have more users and do better financially than Tumblr ever did before. I think probably anyone could tell you that that was never going to happen.

Automattic can't do anything about the fact that Tumblr has existed for 15 years and that it burnt a LOT of its cultural goodwill with the blanket NSFW ban. (I'm glad some steps towards allowing some NSFW content have been put in place. I also know that just "letting porn back on Tumblr" was never a feasible option.) Gaining more new users than ever before was never a viable goal, they were doomed to fail as soon as they made that the goal.

So with that as the goal, we end up with some of the most frustrating, and probably expensive, things that Automattic has done:

whatever amount they're spending on Tumblr Live, which brought in a tiny userbase that doesn't use the core service and otherwise just pisses the core userbase off

the desktop redesign, which promptly got users passing around tampermonkey scripts to banish it

creating an algorithmic tumblr fyp page when the thing basically every tumblr user will tell you they love about tumblr is the chronological dashboard

I kind of wish they had focused on the little things more. Like everyone loves polls. The ability to view tags on reblogs without using xkit is awesome.

I wish they had focused more on developing optimizations to the core experience like this and thinking about ways to become financially stable. But that's not the goal under capitalism, is it? The goal has to be perpetual growth even when anyone could tell you its impossible.

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kat-trickz · 4 years ago

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#my mom is refusing to cover the cost of the art supplies i need for class bc i wont edit a picture for her😬#and like i only have scholarship money but i was trying to save it for a year and a half from now after i get my associate's #and its not like i really have a way to make money rn? i cant exactly open commissions bc i have a very small online pressence #comm sheets also take quite a bit of time to put together ugh #i mean like i probably could but idk if anyone would be interested anyway 😔#its also way too hard for me to get an in person job bc i cant drive and live in the middle of nowhere so online work is all i can do #idk i should look for job listings tbh #i just dont know how bc NOBODY TEACHES U THIS STUFF #even in the 'job readiness' portion of my hs' digital art program they only taught us abt interviews and resumes 🙃#but i have a ton of experience and id be great for tshirt design and instagram photo editing and just art things and graphic design things #i just dont know how to job search :/#vent #dont rb #anyway if u read all of these and have some sort of advice PLEASE lmk #how do i look for jobs online #bc ik how to do like all the other things except that

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sealmunch · 2 years ago

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So, i should talk about this here as well. An announcement of sorts + a health update.

The TLDR is basically comms in the future are going to be expensive, this is due to the realization I have been taking too many commissions a month and mot even being close to making enough to cover my part in rent for our house. Not only that, but its starting to effect my health SEVERELY. My arms and hands have really started to hurt, I’ve always been careful about not injuring my hands so its really scary. My sleep has also been god awful because of the work I’m taking on so I have to make a bunch of really big changes for the better to make sure i dont ruin my body permanently within a few years

First off commissions are going to be more expensive and openings are going to be a lot less. I’ll figure out the exact prices later on but i wont be open for a while anyways. I’ve had a lot of friends and artist peers tell me how much I’m underpricing myself a lot as well. This way with only taking a small handful, I’ll be able to spend a lot more time on each commission as well, so much better quality art pieces.

Now the thing I really want to focus on is my subscribestar. I want to work on more personal art, more fanart and such than pumping out comms. It’s a lot more relaxing for me to work on and doesn’t damage me as much. My substar is only 5 dollars a month, no other tiers rn, and you get access to everything! WIPs/sketches, early access to pieces, you can vote/suggest 4 things I should draw. Sometimes i’ll even take ppls ocs. I already have a good chunk of art up on there I’ve been posting my first month of working on it. This does NOT mean all my art is exclusive I will post fulls a couple days to a week later always.

Thank you so much to everyone who has been supporting me thus far, going forward I am very much going to be focusing on my subscription content. I hope you all understand this is much better for my overall health so I don’t end up not being able to do art in a year or two 🙏

(also to everyone who does have a commission slot currently from me do not worry, i’m still working on everyones comms 🖤)

#its like a half money half health situation #if just a small chunk of followers subbed i’d be able to be affording rent every month just on it alone #i hate to sound like an ad but it is my job

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rolaplayor101 · 3 years ago

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So, been awhile since we had a Update

I haven't done a blog update since, like, 2019. I did an unofficial one last year after inktober but no one saw it I think. It didn't get any notes, so i assume no one read it. In it I talked about how I wasn't getting any engagements with my posts and that inktober that year had sucked. I also said I was thinking about quitting posting all the time or at all, but that I'd prob drop in occasionally to post random stuff or art.

If you hadn't noticed, a couple of things have happened these last few weeks, digitally.

Medibang paint, the app I'd been using this entire time to draw, started making people pay to use the app and it's inbuilt cloud system. It has locked peoples artwork so that they can't access them or download them without payment.

Tumblr got rid of group chats, which i used all the time to promote my content and talk with other creators and self shippers.

As well as a lot of personal stuff that has been going on all around me for months. So, long story short, I don't have any permanent way to create good digital art, and the services i was using to promote my art is now gone. I can't do art commissions anymore, or make any new personal art.

All of this to say that i have just enough art stored up to make it through daily drawtober postings and some change, and then after that I wont have any art to post anymore, and I probably wont be making anymore either. Most likely.

I'm not motivated, i have no resources that work for me, and it wasn't working out in the first place. I'll post old art over again if i see that it didn't do well the first time and i still like it, but if you've seen it then whatever, and if you haven't then reblog it! I don't know what to tell you. It wont matter anyways since I don't have art comms open anymore. 🤔

The good news is that I can focus on writing fanfiction! And i can set up fanfiction comms to replace the art comms I wasn't getting! I'll still post text posts and dialogues. I'll comment on stuff, post memes and things. I wont be gone, unless i get bored of it, i just wont have any more art for you...😩

So, on the last days of this September 2021, I'll reblog all the old artwork i posted that i think is still good, then I'll post everyday for inktober until I run out of art to post, which is queued perfectly for the 31st, and then No Content November will just be all the stuff i didn't reblog in October, mixed with some aspec thoughts, dialogue chats, memes, I dunno, whatever I feel like at the moment. Thatll probably go on til December, and by January, if i have everything i needed to say out and in the air, I'll probably just leave. Indefinitely?? An indefinite hiatus??? A temporary hiatus?? Popping in every once in awhile??? Who knows 😶😶😶

So yeah, that was the September 2021 update. Prob the last one I'll ever do on here. Anyway, sorry for all the new people who for some reason followed me these last few weeks. Only a few of you have ever interacted, so thanks for those that did! The rest of you though... I wonder if you're bots 👀👀👀 if so, you're Real good at cloaking. Also. Thanks to the people who I could count on to reblog my art! You know who you are 💋 i luv you. Bless you.

Anyway, bye!

#followers

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thechildofstark · 4 years ago

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Fuck John Walker (and also some other stuff): A Response To Episode Four

WARNING: some bad language, death mentions, violence mentions, blood mentions, racism, spoilers for for ep 4 of tfatws

DISCLAMER: I have some Opinions about various characters. These do not extend to the actors, who I’m sure are lovely and should be treated with the dignity, privacy and respect that they deserve.

“Fuck John Walker” was originally meant to be the subtitle. I decided on it when he screwed up the op for Sam. It got ungraded during the final scene, because nothing else could possibly compare as a necessary title to this post.

Essentially, some (out of order) thoughts on episode 4:

~*Sam and Bucky, working together*~ (pretend this is a musical jingle)

The contrasting ways that they interacted with the displaced

While the incredibly valid argument can be made that Sam is the least privileged of the group (I’ve made it) it is obvious that he has had the most structured civilian life: approaching the people he comes across openly. Yes, he is polite and calm, but the closest thing to this he has personally come across in the past (that we know of) would be the war vets he worked with and the critical difference is that they wanted to be there. From what I remember of Sam’s groups they didn’t seem to be a sort of mandatory requirement: you came because you chose to. Or at least, you came prepared for the situation. Here, Sam is an outsider and an unwelcome threat. These people are not going to open up to him.

Bucky is quieter, but still quite straight forward in the way he presents himself. I think he may show a little more care for the environment he is in than Sam but that isn’t saying much. Yes, he has experienced much worse things than Sam but we still see his unfamiliarity with this sort of situation paired with some less than stellar social skills really not working in his favor.

Look, I love both these 2 to death. But this is not what they know.

Zemo on the other hand quite likely lived in a place similar to this after his family was murdered. He shows an understanding of how this sort of situation would work, going to children who:

a) wont necessarily peg him as an outsider

b) are bribable

also I think he was genuinely super glad to give those kids that candy and money. He would have been such a good dad. now I have Zemo feels. somebody help me.

The inclusion of the Dora Milaje was incredibly awesome, and not just because I simp for powerful women. Narratively, this was the perfect place for them to join the party and assert their right to apprehend Zemo.

Bucky speaking Xhosa (i think it was?) is very cool

I would like to take this moment to formally state that Caption John Walker is a motherfucking asshole.

It was also really nice to see Sam’s therapist skills, that worked against him earlier really help him here.

I liked seeing that more human side of Karli, and having her interact with the “enemy” and have serious conversation about what everyone is doing.

Until Captain Insecurity has to destroy the op because he doesn’t trust the people he chose to work with, no one has comms or anything I guess?

Also Walker deferring to Bucky for team decisions over Sam, talking over Sam and acting like he knows better than Sam?

I smell racism in this Chili’s tonight

It was also really interesting to get a more in-depth look at how Zemo views supersoldiers. Nearly all the ones that he has either heard of or interacted with (destroyed) had either volunteered for the serum or were so brainwashed that it didn’t make a difference. These people are a dangerous enemy to be eliminated, alongside people like Dr. Nagel. His entire worldview is focused on their destruction that the idea that one of them could be a normal person is impossible to him. The only exceptions acknowledged are Steve (paragon of saintly virtue) and Bucky.

And the fact that after his family died and his country devastated he would most likely have fixated on both the Avengers and the “concept” of a superhuman being as something to blame for his loss. His refusal to concede his position to Sam isn’t just arrogance, although that seems to be a part of it, but the fact that he has spent so much time and energy in destroying both the Winter Soldier program and most likely other similar operations, along with the Avengers that this hatred and belief in the danger has most likely become one of his core beliefs. To change this would be to question his vendetta against the Avengers, to question his actions against the Winter Soldier program which he knows was a horrible thing, and to question why he has spent the past seven years in maximum security prison. This isn’t something he is ready to do yet.

The fact that Bucky is a noted exception is something that stands out to me. Zemo knows that Bucky is a good person, regardless of the serum.

Bucky is also the only main character (that I can think of) that was injected with the serum against his will. The fact that he didn’t seek it out could quite likely be part of the reason that Zemo doesn’t look down on him for it - it is framed that the sort of person that seeks out that sort of strength/power would be a “supremacist”, someone who would use their abilities to harm and subjugate others.

And while we are at the apartment may I say how funny it is to see Zemo just. Literally being Sam and Bucky’s sugar daddy. He transports them and houses them and makes them fancy tea. It’s possible he’s providing them with clothes. Either way, love it. Cannot wait for the boys to work it out.

Sam and Lemar’s responses to being offered the serum are an interesting juxtaposition to how they view the concept of supersoldiers. They have both experienced hardship and survived war but Sam is the one that has gone up against Gods and monsters and he wants none of that, thank you.

And Lemar is so comfortable with saying yes because it isn’t actually being offered to him. Walker expresses some hesitation in their discussion because for him, it isn’t hypothetical. This is something real that can and will effect him for the rest of his life and he wants to make the “right decision”.

The return of Erskine’s belief that the serum not only effect the physical but the mental, emotional and (possibly?) spiritual. This isn’t something that’s really been touched on outside of The First Avenger and I liked that it turned up here. But the fact that it was the reason Walker felt comfortable taking the serum? Eww

The Dora Milaje kicking names and taking ass is super awesome. They are so incredibly skilled and have such amazing teamwork and are also super beautiful I love them

Sam and Bucky just. Watching. Enjoying the show. Absolute kings.

Zemo being the sneaky little sneak that he is :)

One one hand, Bucky losing his arm in the fight was very awesome. One the other hand, he has a long history of complicated bodily autonomy in relation to that arm so........ Neutral opinion it is then

Karli, honey, I really want to like you but can you please keep the mans family out of it. Okay?

And another thing that this show made me think about: kids left to fend for themselves after the Blip (uuuurrrggh it hate calling it that. stupid canonical name). I think it’s good that at least some people took it on themselves to take these children in, to give them good lives and families.

The way that Sam has incorporated his wings into his combat style is very cool

Okie dokie can’t avoid it forever lets get this over with.

LEMAR MY BEAUTIFUL SON NOOOO

those fuckers (the writers i mean)

Side note: did they really have to make the first main character death of the series a Black “sidekick” character? No. No they did not.

Side side note: I understand that this is a perfectly valid way (ew) to “advance the plot” but I can and will be annoyed about it

And now we really get into the shit. But...........................

As much as I absolutely unequivocally hate John Walker I actually like the thematic parallels of how they did this. All throughout The First Avenger Steve is adamant on how he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, he just wants to stand up to the bullies. It’s only after Bucky dies that he says he wants to kill all the Nazis and really get into the horror of it all. The fact that John, who has absolutely been on the edge for the entire episode if not longer, only loses it after Lemar dies?

Because Lemar is arguably meant to be that stand-in for Bucky in the eyes of the public, and they are obviously close friends..........

Just -

I feel I may have accidentally been slightly nicer than I planned to Walker in this post. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

But C****** J*** W****** is NOT Captain America. Up until now I’ve been calling him “Fake Cap” in my head and to my family, but he doesn’t even deserve that honor.

And the blood on the Shield. Dear god that was horrible.

And the fact that, as it was pointed out in this very episode, this man fully represents everything that is Captain America, to the world. He isn’t only tarnishing his own legacy, he is also destroying Steve’s. And to some extent, Bucky’s. The whole reason that Bucky Barnes is considered a “Superhero” is because, at least in America he is known as “Cap’s Best Friend”. He was marketed that way for over half a century, and after the whole “Winter Solder” thing, goodwill or no, brainwashing or no, this could end very ugly for him. Not to mention that Steve Rogers is most likely to be forgotten to history in favor of this freak.

And on that note, where the fuck is Steve? This is set only 6 months after Endgame, if he had died we would know. So what the hell is he doing? Because I know he got perpetual brainrot going back in time to be str8 and boring but dear god if the show tries to tell me that he’s just chilling in some senior’s center in Alaska I will actually call bullshit. Steve Rogers would never. Okay this is a whole separate post on my thought on Steve. Watch this space I guess.

And while we’re all here, Bucky Barnes needs a goddamn boyfriend. I’ve done some thinking, and here is a compiled shortlist:

Sam

Zemo

De-aged Steve (he would be higher but I’m still mad at him for the whole “vanishing without a word to relive Jim Crow and the Lavender Scare. :/ )

IN THAT ORDER.

That’s all folks.

Feel free to send me asks if you want clarification or extra details on anything.

And finally -

the thing we all came to see:

FUCK

JOHN

WALKER

fin

#john walker #steve rogers #captain america #sam wilson #bucky barnes #helmut zemo #zemo #tfatws #the falcon and the winter solider spoilers #karli morgenthau #dora milaje #tw blood #tw violence #tw death #cw racism #thats all folks

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zeldasayer · 5 years ago

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Loving Din XI - Afterlife

Pairing: Mandalorian/Din Djarin x Reader

Summary: Your relationship with Din is hanging on by a thread but you can’t let this exquisite love just go to waste.

Warnings: ANGST. Language, confessions of hopelessness, mom & dad please don’t fight.

gif by @djjarindin

“After this, can it last another night? After all the bad advice that had nothing at all to do with life, I’ve gotta know -

Can we work it out?”

“How long has it been?”

“Since?” You ask the hologram of your therapist, Nora, in the living room, as you sit cross legged on the couch in a red sundress. You know what she’s asking but you need to hear her to say it. In case it hasn’t been true.

“Since Din moved out.” She clarifies.

“Just over five months.” You nod slowly, looking down to focus on your fidgeting fingers.

“Do you miss him?” The hologram asks.

“Only when I’m awake.” You smile meekly, your eyes still down. “Or when I’m asleep. Or eating. Or playing with Baby in the ocean.”

“Have you told him this?” She asks slowly.

“No.” You answer flatly.

“Why not?”

“I guess,” You sigh, finally looking up. “It ended so badly. I guess I’m scared he won’t feel the same.”

“Do you believe that to be true?”

“No, but I also never believed we’d be a part at all.”

“Obviously I cannot get into any details of our sessions, but Din is making the same progress as you and Baby.” Nora was your father’s trusted therapist and he was so graciously arranging for you and Din to see her separately and teaching Din tools in how to help Baby trust him again.

You smile, meaning it whole heartedly, and you look back down from the truth of your words. “I’m so glad. Even if we don’t work out, I’m happy he’s finally opening up to someone. He deserves the weight of his past lifted from him”

It got worse before it got better.

Your emptiness melted into rage as you realized you were truly alone. The man who you stood by and filled with hope while he found his place in the galaxy was nowhere to be found now that you’ve lost your way in it. Gone was the man who so softly declared you as the most exquisite woman to ever walk the planet, the most beautiful moon he’s ever known, who found strength in your decision to be delicate despite everything that happened to you and you hadn’t the slightest clue where he went. Din went quiet again. He became calculated, like he thought through every word he said before he said it, every movement before it was made - not to protect you but because he was tired of fighting. Like you, he retreated inward and only came out to help with Baby despite his frustrations. You were two children of existing, not living and you somehow wound up back there again.

You hoped every day that Din would see himself in you, that he’d realize this is what you had to do with him at the beginning, but the moment never came. You would’ve died to help Din find his identity beyond the mask, and now he sleeps with his back to you.

Some nights you wanted to reach out and touch him, trace your fingers along his back, just for the reminder that he is real. Maybe he’d wake and pull you close to him so you could trace your fingers along his chest and match your breathing to his and everything would feel like it used to. But something always held you back.

Din Djarin wasn’t a man who could handle losing control. What made it twice as hard was that he brought it on himself, and in the process crushed the one precious flower he swore he’d never hurt. How could he? The one human being who knew everything about him and didn’t even blink at what he was ashamed of. Who ran her fingers through his hair and told him she would keep him safe when he thought he’d be haunted for the rest of his life.

“We can only haunt ourselves.” You cooed to him before kissing his nose and he carried that sentiment with him everywhere. He believed it until now, for he cannot get the look in your eyes when you told him you were ready to become the ocean out of his mind. It’s burned into his brain and he knows he’s being haunted because he can’t make himself speak.

Din Djarin was the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy but he is too weak to tell the absolute love of his life that he is just as scared as her. That he is haunted every waking moment by how he destroyed their sanctuary, altering their lives forever. He wants to tell you that he sees you and that he’s sorry, that he wants to take the pain away and if he could, he’d feel it for you, but he doesn’t know how. Every familiar feeling of being touch starved, alone in the galaxy returns to him at once and he indulges in them in silence. Din never knew what he did to deserve you and just like he feared, it imploded. You were too good, too beautiful, delicate, loving, patient, ethereal and he ruined you with his dirty hands.

Most nights Din would sit up in the cockpit of the Razor Crest before returning to the bungalow so mad because you lied. We are haunted by more than just ourselves, we are haunted by the memories of the ones we love the most. Din smashed his fist into the dashboard. Once. Twice. Until something sparked because the memories won’t stop playing over in his head. You, smiling in his lap shortly after you met, pressing every button in the ship that would light up. Him snorting with laughter as he pulled you against him.

“You’re just like the kid!” He said into your neck and you giggled holding onto his arms.

“Teach me how to fly this thing, rocket man.” You beamed.

Your faces were younger then but you loved each other with such an unspeakable passion that you believed even then that it could never die. So how could he ever forgive himself for turning that dreamy look in your eye to stone? The same look that made him less afraid and so achingly happy to be alive. Especially when he has resorted to silence in a feeble effort to not make everything worse, for he sees himself in you. And all he wants to do is hold you by the shoulders and say “You are so much like me, I’m sorry.” But that wouldn’t help anyone.

One evening when Din hadn’t return from his classes on time, you left Baby with a bowl of soup on the couch and snuck into your bedroom. Your heart raced as you sat on the ground, connecting the comm to your father.

“Hi d-ad.” Your voice cracked when you saw him.

“What’s wrong, my star?” He noticed right away.

“I don’t feel so good.” You said through ragged breath, bringing your hand to your eyes.

“Are you sick?”

“A little.” You said with a sniff, removing your hand and looking down. “I have all this pain. It’s crushing me, dad.”

Stark sits up and his eyes search you in worry, “Are you safe, my star?”

“Yes, dad. I’m safe.”

“Are you dreaming of the ocean again?”

“Yeah.” You said as tears stream down your face, as it can be so hard to be seen. “I feel like I’m suffocating. Like I’m not going to make it.”

“Where is Din?” he asked.

“Um.” Your lip trembles and now it feels like you may really be dying, “I don’t know if we’re going to make it either.”

Stark sighs. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You shrug. “I don’t know who he is anymore. But I guess I don’t know who I am either. It’s like I miss him, but he’s always right there, like he’s part of what’s hurting me.”

Your father nods. “What can I do to help?”

“Do you still have Nora’s information?”

“Yes.”

“Well,” you sniff, wiping your hand down your face. “Nothing is ever going to change if I keep running in circles, right?”

You look down as your eyes immediately well with tears again.

“I’m proud of you, my star. I promise, this is the hardest part. You can only go up from here.”

You nodded, starting to cry again.

“Madden & I shall leave at once. We will help you with Baby and I’ll set up a meeting between you and Nora. You are the brightest star in the sky and you will shine again, my child.”

“Thanks dad.” You cried. “Just not yet, okay? I haven’t even told Din yet.”

“Told him what?” He asked.

“That I need to do this on my own.”

Din did not take it lightly.

“What the hell does that mean?” He demanded and your attention turned to Baby who’s ears rose at his fathers angered voice.

“He’s going to throw you across the room again.” You said through your teeth.

“Right. Of course.” Din said, rubbing his eyes. “Should we go outside?”

“Fine.” You sighed. Din always took you outside when he was ready to fight. Baby couldn’t hear you over the crashing waves.

You followed him out the back door and he turns around as soon as it closed with you both on the other side, “You know this is so typical you.”

“What?” Your eyes widened.

“You’re always so fucking lonely yet you push everyone away.”

You laughed, “Oh that’s so rich coming from you, Din.”

“Is it?!” He nodded.

“Mr. I Don’t Need Anyone Until I’m About To Lose Fucking! Everything!” You seethed as your voice already felt hoarse.

“OH!” Din exclaims, “I’m going to lose everything huh?”

“If you don’t let me take care of myself, yes. LOOK AT ME.” You cry. “I’M A FUCKING GHOST. AND SO ARE YOU.”

“AT LEAST I WONT FUCKING WALK OUT ON YOU.”

“I’m not walking out on you!” You screeched, in a tone of your own voice you didn’t recognize. “What are you not understanding? Din, my head feels like it’s going to explode and you won’t help me so I need to do this myself.”

“Sorry I can’t help, we do have a son to raise.”

“What the fuck? Who are you?” You asked in disgust as you crossed your arms and walked past him.

You walked only a few steps until you decided to say exactly how you felt.

“Do you know what you were like when I found you?” You spat.

“I found you.” Din said lowly.

“It doesn’t matter. Loving you was like loving a brick wall. It was so hard, Din. But I did it. I helped you raise your son and I held your hand while you figured out who the hell you were. And I did it all without you telling me what you needed, and I figured it out because I loved you. I would have done anything for you. Now I’m standing here screaming to you what I need and you won’t fucking help me.”

“What do you want from me?!” Din asked, his arms out in defeat.

“Have you been listening to me?! Get out of my face and get out of my fucking house!” You screamed.

“Your house?!”

“You are not doing this shit with me right now. You have a ship and I make more credits on one goddamn painting than you do in months.” You scoffed.

“You haven’t painted anything good enough to sell in half a year!”

“Because you’re killing me, Din!” You cried back immediately. Slapping your hand across your mouth from the truth of the words you let escape. Your other hand comes up to cradle the first and they’re both shaking.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. “This isn’t us.”

Din shakes his head slowly.

“Please Din, If you love me, you’ll let me do this.”

It was hard at first. Din and you agreed to four days at a time with Baby, Din living in Razor Crest on the other side of town. The first night you spent alone, you slept on the floor of Baby’s room. It was as far as you could crawl to when you told Din to “Just leave, he’s not going to stop.” and closed the door on him and your son who was crying for you.

It hurt to wake up to the quiet, to eat alone, paint alone. Your first session with Nora was even more of a disaster and you started to wonder if you made the right decision. The only thing you took away from it was her saying, “It hurts to become.” And this is what you chose to believe in, that this pain and uncertainty would be worth it. That when the rain washed you and Din clean, you’d know.

It hurt when Din wouldnt even look at you, how he didn’t even say a word when he first dropped off Baby. How you slid down the door and cried with Baby in your arms as he tried to heal something that he couldn’t.

But time keeps passing wether you’re ready or not and one day you just stop hurting. You don’t know why, or when the exact moment hits until you look up and you realize you’re breathing. You’re breathing and you’re sleeping through the night and it’s something to celebrate like a new born baby. You’re breathing and sleeping and eating properly. You can taste everything, your tea and pomegranates. Dark chocolate and crusty sourdough bread. You open up to Nora, finally and she takes you all the way back to your childhood. You’ve made your first friends as an adult and you realize how important that is, other women who live close by on the island and they are so wonderful. You’re painting, you’re painting incredible work and you’ve rearranged the whole house so it’s yours. Baby sleeps on his own and he’s happy, you’re in a routine and when Din comes to pick him up it doesn’t destroy you. Suddenly, you have a new normal. You are truly alright and you are so proud of yourself but something is missing. You still want to share every moment of your new normal with Din. Though you can get lost in your mind and it can scream so loud, there is stillness inside of you, every sunset you’ve ever seen and you were born to be a lover, and there is still only one person for you.

Later in the afternoon, long after your session with Nora, when you open the door for Din who’s back again to drop Baby off, you notice instantly that he has a beard. It’s patchy and it makes you smile, it looks soft and it’s greying at the sides and it makes you want to blurt out that you miss him. But you ask Baby how his day was instead.

“Wanna show mom what you learned?” Din asks his little green boy as he puts him in your arms, “Okay.”

Din makes a few small movements with his hands, and Baby copies them, slower and loose before looking up at you with a smile.

“It means ‘I love you.’” He mumbles, looking down.

You blink up at him and it feels like you must have forgotten how to breathe. It’s been so long since you heard those words pass through Din’s lips and it feels like the very first time.

“Do you want to come in?” You ask, your voice almost a whisper.

He looks a little puzzled and you continue, “I made dinner.”

Din’s mouth presses into a line, like he’s trying to suppress a smile. “Yeah. I would.”

“I like this.” You say, brushing the back of your finger along his jaw, letting him pass through the doorway, “You’re greying.”

“You just noticed now?”

“Yeah.” You sigh, “I guess so.”

Din sits across from you at the table you dragged out on to the beach a few months earlier and it feels like just how you always wanted life on the island to be. Baby in your lap, cackling into his dinner as the ocean crashes softly into the shore. Din smiling between bites of food and the sun reflecting off his skin makes him look so beautiful. You feel the breeze against your face and you want to live in this moment forever. Passing Baby between the two of you to take turns feeding him, the comfort in realizing you are both still exactly the same yet lighter. It’s like the afterlife between the bad and the inevitable try for resolution when you can just be alright. When everything is finally still and there is sweetness in the familiar small talk and how Din wears his t-shirt and thick black framed eyeglasses, the soft curls of his hair, and the exquisite angle of his nose. It’s like he’s coming back into focus again for the first time in months and you look down from how it overwhelms you.

As always, Baby falls asleep in Din’s lap before you’re finished and when you return to the beach from putting him to bed, Din tells you he should probably get going. He stands and your heart stops.

“Are you going because you want to or because you think you have to?”

“I don’t want to.” He shakes his head.

“Then don’t go.” You say out of breath.

Din sits back down without breaking his eye contact with you and you follow suit. You search his face for a moment unable to hold back.

“Din, I’m sorry.”

“No.” Din shakes his head but you continue.

“We were obviously never destined to be ordinary people and though I truly feel that this time a part was necessary, it just made me realize I don’t want to have these extraordinary problems with anyone else.”

“Please don’t be sorry.” Din shakes his head, closing his eyes. “I said I would be the ground beneath your feet and I wasn’t there for you.”

You smile meekly, “I miss you, Din. It’s always going to be you.”

“I miss you too.” He pauses. “I feel like I’ve learnt so much lately, and I have something to say to you. Is that okay?”

“Of course.” You breathe.

“Okay.” He nods. “I spent my whole life thinking that I was doing all that I could, that I’d never love my own face let alone love someone else. Then I met you and you brought me to life. You brought me to life, Y/N. I had seen the whole galaxy but now I was finally living in it because I was seeing it through your eyes. It was like I had everything. But I got too selfish with you. I thought since you were my home I could take you anywhere and we’d be okay, forgetting that your home is consistency and trust.”

“It’s okay, Din.” You sigh.

“No it’s not.” He shakes his head. “All you ever did was love me exactly how I needed it, like you just knew. And I ruined our home because all I needed was you.”

You look down, at a loss for words.

“You shouldn’t be sorry because I should be begging for your forgiveness. You loved me despite everything and I was too ashamed to say I was so scared of what I had done. I can’t lose you, Y/N. The sun does not rise and set for you because you are the sun. You are the sun. You are the moon. You are every star in the sky. You are everything. Please forgive me for what I’ve done.”

You look up at him, through the blurry vision of tear-filled eyes. “I forgive you, Din.”

“Thank you.” He chokes into the top of your hand, as he’s taken it to press his lips against. “Thank you, my sweet girl.”

You smile through your tears and you come around to his side of the table and Din pulls you into his lap.

“I love you so much.” He says into your neck as he holds you against him tightly, adjusting his arms to get you closer.

“I love you, too.” You run your hand through his hair, like you’ve wanted to for so long and Din lifts his face with your touch.

You see him. The face that looked so familiar even when you first saw it. The skin so breathtaking it makes you cry. The mouth you could watch speak into eternity with a voice that can move mountains. The nose that looks like it was carved from marble by an angel’s delicate hands. And the eyes. The eyes so full of love and loss they could stop any war, so deep and dark you could swim in them forever.

You hold his face in your hands and you are so full of joy because you can finally see him.

“There you are.” You whisper before pressing your lips to his, melting in the familiarity of his moustache brushing your skin.

Tags: @otherthingsinhead @aeryntheofficial @maryan028 @readsalot73 @osric-the-l3m0n-l0v3-demon @capsironunderoos @antclottz @intense-sneezing @igotmadskills @applesislife @marrvelle-fics @killtherandomness @holyground1996 @taoiichii @kyoko-yuuki @bookwormmarvel @xplrreylo @the-resident-demon @sad-anxious-girl @jaegers-and-kaijus @drinkfantasy @forbidden-darkness @hyveee @fangirlfreakingout @petalduck @fahhhhq @thatonebishsstuff @midnightsinger @jenniferdaniels12 @hiscyarika @tryn25 @raveviolet @watsonwise @aproperthottie @lettonystarkbehappydamnit @hyunjins-wife @lilwickedred @yellowbubblewrap @pascalisthepunkest @kate013 @french-lace-lavender

It’s all fluff and beauty from here on out. 4 more parts to go.

Love, Zelda

#the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian #the mandalorian angst #the mandalorian fluff #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the mandalorian x reader #baby yoda #star wars fluff #star wars #star wars fanfiction #din djarin x reader #din djarin #loving din

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orthodoxydaily · 4 years ago

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Saints&Reading: Sun., Dec. 20, 2020

Commemorated on December 7_ by the new calendar

Saint Ambrose, Bishop of Mediolanum ( Milan)_397

Saint Ambrose, Bishop of Mediolanum (Milan), was born in the year 340 into the family of the Roman governor of Gaul (now France). Even in the saint's childhood there appeared presentiments of his great future. Thus, one time bees covered the face of the sleeping infant and they flew away after leaving honey on his tongue. After the death of the father of the family, Ambrose journeyed off to Rome, where the future saint and his brother Satyrus received a most excellent, for their time, law education. About the year 370, upon completion of his course of study, Ambrose was appointed to the official position of governor (consular prefect) of districts of Liguria and AEmilia, though he continued to live at Mediolanum (now Milan). In the year 374 the bishop of Mediolanum, Auxentius, died. This entailed complications between the Orthodox and the Arians, since each side wanted to have its own bishop. Ambrose, as the chief city official, set off to the church for presiding over the agenda. When he turned from speaking to the crowd, suddenly some child cried out: "Ambrose – bishop!" The people took up this chant. Ambrose, who at this time was still in the rank of the catechumens, considered himself unworthy, and began to refuse. He attempted falsely to disparage himself, and moreover tried to flee from Mediolanum. The matter went ultimately before the emperor Valentinian the Elder (364-375), whose orders Ambrose dared not disobey. He accepted holy Baptism from an Orthodox priest and, – having in a mere seven days passed through all the ranks of the Church clergy, on 7 December 374 he was ordained to the dignity of bishop of Mediolanum and at once he dispersed all his possessions, money and property for the embellishment of churches, the upkeep of orphans and the poor, and he turned himself towards a strict ascetic life.

Ambrose combined strict temperance, intense vigilance and work within the fulfilling of his duties as pastor. Saint Ambrose, defending the unity of the Church, energetically opposed the spread of heresy. Thus, in the year 379 he traveled off to set up an Orthodox bishop at Sirmium, and in 385-386 he refused to hand over the basilica of Mediolanum to the Arians. The preaching of Saint Ambrose in defense of Orthodoxy was deeply influential. Another noted father of the Western Church, Blessed Augustine (Comm. 15 June), gave witness to this, having in the year 387 accepted holy Baptism by the grace of the preaching of the bishop of Mediolanum. Saint Ambrose also actively participated in civil matters. Thus, the emperor Gracian (375-383), having received from him the "Exposition of the Orthodox Faith" (De Fide), removed – by decree of the saint – the altar of Victory from the halls of the Senate at Rome, on which oaths were wont to be taken. Displaying a pastoral boldness, Saint Ambrose placed a severe penance on the emperor Theodosius I (379-395) for a massacre of innocent inhabitants of the city of Soluneia (Thessalonika). For him there was no difference between emperor and common person: having then released Theodosius from the penance, the saint would not permit the emperor to commune at the altar, but compelled him to stand together with all the flock. Fame about Bishop Ambrose and his actions attracted to him many followers from other lands. From faraway Persia came to him students of sagacity, wanting to discern the Truth. Fritigelda, queen of the military Germanic tribe of the Markomanni, which often had attacked Mediolanum, asked the saint to instruct her in the Christian faith. The saint in his letter to her persuasively stated the dogmas of the Church. And having become a believer, the queen converted her own husband to Christianity and persuaded him to seal a treaty of peace with the Roman empire. The saint combined strictness with an uncommon kindliness. Granted a gift of wonderworking, he healed many from sickness. One time at Florence, staying at the house of Decentus, he resurrected a dead boy. The repose of Saint Ambrose, who expired to God on the night of Holy Pascha, was accompanied by many miracles, – and he even appeared in a vision to the children being baptised this night. The saint was buried in the Ambrosian basilica in Mediolanum, beneathe the altar, between the Martyrs Protasius and Gervasius. A zealous preacher and valiant defender of the Christian faith, Saint Ambrose received particular reknown as a Church writer. In dogmatic compositions he set forth the Orthodox teaching about the Holy Trinity, the Sacraments and Repentance: "Five Books about the Faith" ("De Fide"); "Explication of the Symbol of the Faith" ("Explanatio Symboli"); "About the Incarnation" ("De Incarnationis"); "Three Books about the Holy Spirit" ("De Spiritu Sancto"); "About the Sacraments" ("De Sacramento"); "Two Books about Repentance" ("De Paenitentia"). In writings about Christian morality, he explained the excellence of Christian moral teaching compared to pagan moral teaching. A well-known work of Saint Ambrose, "About the Duties of Clergy-Servers" ("De Officiis Ministrorum") evidences a deep awareness by him of pastoral duty; in it is contained not only the command for proper knowledge of Church-services, but the proper knowledge also of moral precepts, for those that serve in the Church. Saint Ambrose was also a reformer of Church-singing. He introduced into the western Church antiphonal singing (along the Eastern or Syrian form), which became known as "Ambrosian Chant"; and he composed 12 hymns, which were used during his lifetime. His solemn thanksgiving hymn, – "Thou, O God, we praise" (Te Deum), composed in the year 386, entered into the Divine-services of the Orthodox Church.

The Monk Nilus of Stolbny Island (1554)

Commemorated also May 27

The Monk Nilus of Stolbny was born into a peasant family in a small village of the Novgorod diocese. In the year 1505 he took monastic vows at the monastery of the Monk Savva of Krypetsk near Pskov. After 10 years in ascetic life at the monastery he set out to the River Sereml', on the side of the city of Ostashkova; here for 13 years he led a strict ascetic life in incessant struggle against the snares of the devil, who took on the appearance of apparitions – reptiles and wild beasts. Many of the inhabitants of the surrounding area started coming to the monk for instruction, but this became burdensome for him and he prayed God to point out to him a place for deeds of quietude. One time after long prayer he heard a voice: "Nil! Go to Lake Seliger. There upon the island of Stolobensk thou canst be saved!" From people that came to him the Monk Nil learned the whereabouts of the island; when he arrived there, he was astonished at its beauty. In the midst of the lake – the island was covered over by dense forest; on it the monk found a small hill and dug out a cave, and after a certain while he built himself an hut, in which he lived for 26 years. Exploits of strict fasting and quietude [ie. hesychia] he accompanied with another and unique effort – he never lay down to sleep, but permitted himself only a light nap, leaning on a prop set into the wall of the cell. The pious life of the monk many a time roused the envy of the enemy of mankind, which evidenced itself through the spiteful action of the local inhabitants. One time someone set fire to the woods on the island where stood the hut of the monk, but the flames upon reaching the hill in miraculous manner went out. Another time robbers forced themselves into the hut. The monk said to them: "All my treasure is in the corner of the cell". In this corner stood an icon of the Mother of God, but the robbers began to search there for money and became blinded. Then with tears of repentance they begged the monk for forgiveness.

Many other miracles done by the monk are known of. He was wont to quietly refuse an offering if the conscience of the one offering it to him was impure, or if they were in bodily impurity. In an awareness of his end, the Monk Nil prepared for himself a grave. And at the time of his death they came to him on the island an hegumen from one of the nearby monasteries and communed him with the Holy Mysteries. Before the departure of the hegumen, the Monk Nil for a last time made prayer and censed round the holy icons and the cell, and gave up to the Lord his immortal soul on 7 December 1554. The glorification of his holy relics (now venerated at the Znamenie Icon of the Mother of God church in the city of Ostashkova) was done in the year 1667, with feastdays established both on the day of his death and on 27 May.

Luke 24:36-53

36 Now as they said these things, Jesus Himself stood in the midst of them, and said to them, "Peace to you." 37 But they were terrified and frightened, and supposed they had seen a spirit. 38 And He said to them, "Why are you troubled? And why do doubts arise in your hearts? 39 Behold My hands and My feet, that it is I Myself. Handle Me and see, for a spirit does not have flesh and bones as you see I have. 40 When He had said this, He showed them His hands and His feet. 41 But while they still did not believe for joy, and marveled, He said to them, "Have you any food here?" 42 So they gave Him a piece of a broiled fish and some honeycomb. 43 And He took it and ate in their presence. 44 Then He said to them, "These are the words which I spoke to you while I was still with you, that all things must be fulfilled which were written in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms concerning Me." 45 And He opened their understanding, that they might comprehend the Scriptures. 46 Then He said to them, "Thus it is written, and thus it was necessary for the Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead the third day, 47and that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in His name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. 48 And you are witnesses of these things. 49 Behold, I send the Promise of My Father upon you; but tarry in the city of Jerusalem until you are endued with power from on high. 50 And He led them out as far as Bethany, and He lifted up His hands and blessed them. 51 Now it came to pass, while He blessed them, that He was parted from them and carried up into heaven. 52 And they worshiped Him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy,53 and were continually in the temple praising and blessing God. Amen.

Colossians 1:12-18

12 giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. 13 He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, 14 in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins. 15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. 17 And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. 18 And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead,

#orthodoxy #ortodoxchristianity #ancientchristianity #originofchristianity #spirituality #holyscriptures #gospel #sacredtexts #wisdom

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bluebirdwrites · 5 years ago

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falcon; dg

> story of her i*

warnings; language? i think that’s it. fem!reader too, if that's a warning

authors note; had to rewrite this after tumblr glitched out lol, hopefully you enjoy (; btw, check my prompt lists, and maybe send some requests if you’d be so kind haha <3 — birdie

Life was a knife’s edge. A precarious tittering balancing act of ‘will we, wont we’ for the little people that could. Life was invigorating and maddening all in one. Your life was sprawling. Distant memories from a past life like a constant pull on your brain, whilst others consumed you wholly and solely until you knew of nothing else but flight.

Life and Flight were much the same in the sense of the feeling of exhilaration whilst there were no barriers, no social constructs. Nothing and everything all at once. It anchored you to consciousness and it anchored you to awareness. But flight was, after all, finite.

The incessance of nagging however, seemed to be beyond the comprehension of infinite, in your household anyway. With or without your agreement it only seemed to get worse with every new person, death, close call or injury. As the oldest it was your job to worry about everyone, sometimes it just didn't occur to you how much that they worried in return.

“Falcon, do you have eyes on the shipment?” She took a deep breath, sucking the air between clenched teeth.

“Affirmative Agent A,” she shifted from foot to foot, readying herself “Ill see you on the other side. Before you even say it, yes I know my chances. I know this is fuckin’ suicidal, but it needs to be done. Don’t tell anyone until I give the signal. Please. I’d like to keep the injuries to just me on this one. Falcon out.”

A reluctant confirmation was heard before the commlink was muted.

She was a wild thing, she knew that. She was overprotective too, that she would also gladly admit. With reluctance, she would also admit that she was reckless at times. Stubborn and self-sacrificing. She was an angry creature too. It constantly licked at her conscience, it powered her wilful and it made her strong.

She shimmied through the hole that she’d created in the top of the shipping container, landing silently on the shoulders of a guard below. He struggled for a minute before he dropped to the ground, unconscious.

“Hell, maybe take me out for dinner first before putting your head between my thighs, it would have worked better,” she rolled her eyes, sucking in her cheeks. Now that one was knocked out she’d have to work quickly. She had her work cut out for her.

She soon found herself surrounded by swarms of thugs with knives, fists, guns and tasers; anything that they could get their hands on really. She considered calling her family, she really did. But where was the fun in that.

She took them down in droves, but they kept on coming. For every one she knocked down, two more seemed to come in their place. By the time she called for backup, she had a gash down her side that was bleeding pretty heavy, and she had many more holes in her skin that weren’t supposed to be there.

“I wonder if he’ll try and ground me this time,” she kicked a thugs gun away and slammed him into a wall. “What the fuck possesses me to be such a basket case?”

When her side decided that it would make her dizzy, she retreated to the high ground. Pulling out her comm and pressing the button three times, she wrapped her side and prepared to jump back into the fray.

After another ten minutes there were around five thugs left, they managed to finally incapacitate her. Two guys held her up whilst the other three questioned her.

“You look pretty bloodied up there sweetheart. I hear you’re quite the looker, shame we had to mess up that pretty face of yours.” The thug stuck his finger into her wounded side.

“Wow, nice to know I have your approval,” she spat in the thugs face, smirking as blood and spit splattered on his cheeks and dripped down her chin. “Do your worst buddy, I’m a big girl I can take it.”

One minute, she was getting kicked on the ground, the next she was seeing flashes of bats, birds and gunslingers. The last guy to go down went down with a thud, hitting the ground probably harder than he should have. It hurt to breathe but she couldn't let them see how hurt she really was, although the gash in her side said otherwise.

Forcing herself upwards she looked toward the bat with a wince. She was in so much trouble.

“Good job guys,” She took a deep breath holding her side. “You really helped me out there. Now, if it’s no trouble, I’m just going to head back to my apartment. Okay? Okay.”

She was immediately stopped by a flash of green grabbing her arm as she attempted to stand. With a glare identical to his fathers, Damien tugged her arm over his shoulder immediately tugging her to stand.

“Grayson, I am aware that you have a death wish, but this is not the time. You are coming back to the cave, stop being idiotic.” He motioned to Jason and Dick to take his place whilst himself and Tim dealt with the clean-up job. Jason sauntered over, slinging her arm over his shoulder whilst Dick jerkily did the same on the other side.

They were both worried, how she hadn't bled out and died they were shocked. But neither questioned it as they hurried to get their sister safely back to the cave, alive preferably.

Now that she was back at the cave she let Alfred take care of her whilst Dick hovered. The gash in her side required many stitches, so did the two bullet holes. She was off duty for a few months, and everyone knew she would only keep going this way.

“Don’t glare at me Richard. And before you start getting all mushy on me, go upstairs and distract Jason before he comes down here to frog march me,” she scowled meaningfully puffing our a breath of air. “I love you too and I’m just wound up, I’ll be up soon okay?”

He nodded and began walking upstairs, knowing he and their brothers would tag team her later. That- and Tim was waiting to speak to her, so he’d leave them alone sibling to sibling. And they’d have their own conversation when they’d both calmed later.

“You keep making us think that we’ll lose you. God, you’re reckless,” he tugged at the roots of his hair before marching towards her and squeezing her tight. “Please don’t be so reckless, we kind of need you. All of us.”

“Sure thing Timmy,” she pulled back from the hug when he was ready. “It’s weird seeing you all so worried about me. Go on upstairs, I’ll be up soon. Do me a favour and tell Dick not to worry so much either, I get the whole ‘you’re my only biological family left’ thing, but it gets smothering.”

After a reluctant nod he too left to wait for her upstairs. She ran her hand through her hair before squinting in the darkness. She frowned, before letting out a low chuckle.

“Come out Bruce,” she licked her lips, cracked and itchy. “I know you, always hiding in the shadows. Pessimistic shit you are.”

He emerged from the darkness with a grimace, words burning on the tip of his tongue. He paused, staring at her for a moment. He looked older, seemingly having aged years in a few hours. He walked closer, sinking down close beside her, uncharacteristically open.

“You could have died,” he stared at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder in a rare moment of fatherly affection. “Tell me one thing, why didn't you call for back-up?”

“Because,” she said leaning her head on his shoulder, and listening to Jason scream he was coming down to her. “I don't want he others to get hurt. God knows you’re worse than I am Dad. I do it because in my own way, I’m keeping you safe by putting myself through hell. If that's all you wanted to know, can you help me upstairs before Jason comes down to carry me up?”

They made their was upstairs, towards the rest of the family. She was the anchor, but like all anchors, she still needed a ship to guide her.

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go-hux-yourself · 5 years ago

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Holdout

Request fill for @thethespacecoyote: Hux trying and failing to keep his pregnancy secret from SL kylo because he thinks he wont want it but when kylo does find out, he's SOFT. YES this is right up my alley let’s do it!

Also on my ao3 here :) My masterlist archive of bullshit i write can be found linked at the top of the blog or here.

He’d thought he could hide it.

A tall order when dealing with a mind-reader, but Hux was certain Kylo would have neither the inclination nor the interest in the rearing of children, so the alpha was left in the dark about the pregnancy.

It would be a while more before the omega’s lithe stature gave away his secret. A while more for Hux to figure out how to hide it from a Supreme Leader that sometimes shared his bed, but had no greater urge in life than that which to hunt down every last faction the Resistance still had left.

Kylo had let it consume him, as if there were something he needed to prove, and his sole focus had kept him from Hux’s bed for weeks now. The First Order had been keeping very busy indeed; little time for attention on personal matters.

Hux hadn’t even noticed his heat was two week’s past, so embroiled in the detailed movements of the Supreme Leader and their various military incursions was he. Intelligence was coming in from various posts in the galaxy, and Kylo left Hux to delegate as he personally searched after leads. It was an exhausting amount of work, and one that prioritized sleep well over any ideas so strenuous as sex.

One exhausted moment of introspection about how he was sure to stress himself right into heat he was so tired, and Hux realized with dread that he was actually overdue for his own.

One panicked visit with a medical droid whose memory he wiped immediately after, and Hux was blankly faced with the fact that he was just over two months pregnant with the Supreme Leader’s pup.

It was far from an ideal situation.

Unbonded. The solidity of his relationship with Ren tumultuous at most. They got along best between the sheets, though professionally they still butted heads a great deal.

It was clear that his priorities and that of the new Supreme Leader went in opposite directions towards the same goal of conquest. They both wanted the old galactic systems of rule to die. Peace from war. Order. Crime punished, and people efficiently managed into a working system of governance.

Ren thought the destruction of the order of the Jedi would secure that end, and meanwhile Hux sent battalions of stormtroopers after Resistance hideouts to strike hard and fast with confirmed intelligence. But Ren was clear that he wanted every lead chased, every whisper checked out, and it spread their resources far too thin, their net cast just a bit wider than Hux would say was effective. Much of the crew had pulled extended shifts in order to deal with the heavier workload and sifting through gathered intel, and Hux was no exception.

His own duties as General kept him far too busy to add an infant to the mix. The idea of sending his own progeny away from him into the First Order nurseries, and subsequently into his Stormtrooper program, would never be an option. He’d never much entertained the idea of having children but already he was fiercely possessive about the pup inside him. His father might not have wanted him, but he desperately wanted his own.

Hux liked kids. They were moldable, adaptable, and the idea of being the father he never had-- to love, to cuddle, to teach his own child to carve out their destiny- plucked at some sore spot inside of him that would do anything to keep it.

When weighing the possible outcomes of telling Kylo, his mind easily imagined the worst scenarios, hard-based on their once-violent professional relationship. Even in the better-case scenarios, he couldn’t imagine a Kylo that would choose fatherhood over being Supreme Leader; to prioritize time for a pup over waging war. And with his hang-ups over family-- ignoring Hux’s own for the moment- his concerns weren’t just over Kylo’s indifference; he was worried the alpha would actively not want it.

Even now with their sometimes-heated arguments, he wasn’t necessarily afraid of the other man. Kylo had promised to never use the force against him in such a manner again, and while Hux did believe him, the cynical, protective part of himself still decided it wasn’t worth risking the not-yet-visible bump on his middle.

He could take being thrown about by the Force-- the terror didn’t do him any physical harm like the hard edges of console once had- but if Ren were to be particularly upset upon Hux’s insistence on keeping it-- in wanting some say in choosing just who would be siring any heirs to his reign- it wouldn’t take much to make the omega miscarry.

So Hux kept quiet, abandoning any ideas of letting the alpha know, and trying to formulate some plan to keep it from the other man’s notice before and after it was born. He had a lot to prepare, and many plans to make.

He didn’t mention it when Ren returned from some trek through an icy moon, warming himself around Hux for the first time in weeks with kisses and touches he’d sorely missed. And when Ren left on some mission again without even bothering to inform him, he felt vindicated in his choice to not inform the alpha in fair play.

Hux began his plan of discouraging their trysts when his belly began to show obvious signs of the pup there, pleading exhaustion to their workload that he followed up with a jab about how surely their Supreme Leader couldn’t spare the time to fuck him when he didn’t even have enough time to inform the fleet when and where he took off to at a whim. It only helped matters that, in terms of security, Hux’s jab was in-line with current Order protocol for high-ranking officers. As Supreme Leader, that made him the rule, rather than the exception.

It played well right into Kylo’s own petty sense of spite, and he’d declared that two could play at this game; if the man thought he could dictate when they’d fuck, then Kylo could wait until Hux became so frustated for his knot that he’d be begging his way back into the alpha’s bed.

That had been about three months prior, and the past three weeks Hux had been growing considerably concerned that his greatcoat could no longer hide the prominent bulge of his pup beneath his modified uniform. Holo-calls instead of in-person meetings, and general avoidance of one-another was the only thing standing between Hux and Kylo finding out his secret. But he knew that the further along the pup got, the more difficult his plan would be.

Thankfully, one could always count on Kylo being far more petty than he. The alpha avoided direct-contact with him (even if he made allusions to innuendo in order to frustrate Hux on their private calls), but by some mercy of the galaxy, Hux’s secret was still unknown by the Supreme Leader.

He knew his scent must be unmistakable now, and he was fairly certain that the inquisitive little looks he saw Mitaka give him were informed of the fact that their commander was pregnant. It was a credit to his crew that they largely pretended otherwise. Hux did the same, continuing in his duties no matter how his feet hurt or his back ached, trying in vain to keep to his usual routine and workload when his body was busy growing a little person.

If Hux’s crew didn’t know he was pregnant before, then when he’d collapsed from exhaustion on the bridge, they certainly did after.

Waking up on his back minutes later with Mitaka and petty officer Thanisson leaned over him was as disorienting as it was embarrassing, and Hux tried to right himself before the worried voice of his lieutenant gave him pause.

“Sir! General, please, we’ve called for a hover-stretcher--” Mitaka’s concerned voice informed, the other omega’s hands palm-up as if to deter him from getting to his feet. It was clear he wanted to touch Hux to keep him down, but also wouldn’t dare to do so without permission.

Thanisson got to his feet, informing those alerted that Hux had regained consciousness. Mitaka kept his place at Hux’s side.

“Hover-stretcher?” Hux repeated, cheeks growing a bit red as it sank in that not for the first time in his career, he was laid out flat on the bridge of his own star ship. His eyes darted around, passing over Thanisson’s face as the beta was speaking to presumed medical officers on comm. Mitaka’s gaze settled on Hux’s belly more than once, and Hux realized the telling-bump in his uniform was clearly visible in the way his greatcoat had fallen open on his figure. The stretch of modified, regulation pregnancy-attire over his belly was informing of its own, but splayed out on the flat of his back, it became wildly apparent that he wasn’t just pregnant, but heavily pregnant. Hux could curse Ren’s imposingly large stature later for what was surely going to be a pup that would take after its sire’s height, but for now, he focused on keeping his breathing even and deep even as his heart rate sped up. This wasn’t knowledge he could easily take back.

It was telling in the way that the other officers on-deck kept their attentions on their stations and not on the general lying prone on the floor. His secret was thoroughly exposed, even if the crew willfully ignored the spectacle as Mitaka personally fussed. He didn’t know if the crew were doing it for his benefit or his dignity, but the shock of their general effectively passing-out on-duty would have been cause for the exact opposite of focus on their jobs. That they weren’t gawking told him plenty.

The thought made Hux flush deeper.

“You collapsed, sir,” Mitaka informed in a gentle, respectful tone. “Until the medical team gets here...” his eyes darted to Hux’s belly in concerned meaning as he trailed off, still not touching the other man but gesturing for him to remain where he was.

Hux realized with gratitude that Mitaka was trying even now to be discreet, but as it was abundantly clear that the entire bridge now knew that someone had bred their general, not mentioning his belly for what it was was a practice in well-meaning futility. “I’m fine, Lieutenant.”

“But sir, your--”

He wanted to snap at the other man for defying him, but it was clear in the way Mitaka’s eyes continued to bounce back to his belly that the other omega was just worried about his pup. Maybe it was hormones, or just stress, but Hux appreciated the concern deeply. He bitterly thought it was nice that someone else cared about the pup, let alone knew of its existence, and also thought that that person should be Kylo.

The alpha was still hell-bent on waging his one-man wars on minor Resistance outposts than sharing Hux’s bed, though.

He reminded himself he’d chosen this, and that he’d have to step up his plans perhaps a bit sooner.

“Nothing feels wrong,” Hux informed as he managed himself to his knees, eyes scanning defensively over the crew as he possessively touched over his belly with both hands. Thanisson politely looked away; Mitaka awaited instructions. “Help me to my feet, Lieutenant.”

Mitaka stood, uncertain about how or where to touch the general, but Hux just extended a gloved hand to the other man, more than capable of still hauling himself around, albeit a bit cumbered. He pulled himself to his feet with Mitaka’s forearm.

“...Sir?”

Hux felt nauseous, a little dizzy, but the adrenaline of that slight humiliation would be plenty to get him back to his quarters and between sheets that had lost Ren’s scent some time ago. He gave the other omega a look before gratefully removing his gloved hand from the man’s arm. “I shall retire to my quarters for the remainder of the shift. You may send a medical droid there. I leave the bridge to you.”

A look passed between Thanisson and Mitaka, but neither pressed the general on an escort. Their concern was palpable, but the last thing Hux wanted was an audience as he effectively retreated from the bridge. He wouldn’t faint twice if he had any say in the matter, and it was with that focus that his feet brought him without incident to his door, and he deposited himself in bed.

The medical unit that entered his quarters gave him a vitamin-drip and beeped out that he was anemic and overworked, but that his pup was okay. Nothing he frankly didn’t already know or suspect. He’d limited his own caf intake significantly since finding out about the pup, and he hadn’t used a stim in ages. The strain of working without stimulants had simply caught up with him.

It didn’t help that even with all his plans in motion, his hormones craved the alpha that had put him in this state; even as he was sure that Kylo wouldn’t be interested in it. Rather traipse across the galaxy in search of sith relics after snuffing out Resistance cells than spend his time chasing after Hux. Far too busy to indulge in a pregnant omega who was supposed to be his second-in-command with his first priority to the fleet.

He wrapped his arms over his belly reassuringly. He didn’t need Kylo. He didn’t want him. He could manage this all on his own. He could prove he could still keep the Order running as he always had, pregnant belly or no.

Hux considered wiping this incident-- and the record of the pregnancy- from his medical file once the droid was done with him, but considered it an act in futility. Too many eyes had seen what he’d been hiding, reinforcing what they must’ve suspected for months now. Whether it got around the ship or not could be deterred with the threat of reconditioning. Kylo never checked medical records anyway, and the pup would be here in a few short months besides.

He complied with the droid’s orders for rest, but his sleep was plagued with dreams of an uncertain future for his pup; a future both with and without Kylo in it.

Hux tossed in his sleep, waking from nightmares only to hunker down into the pillows defiantly. He placed a warm palm over his belly as if to soothe the pup from his own dreams.

It would be okay. It would all be okay.

Second chapter will be found on the ao3 post for this fic :)

kofi | ao3

#kylux fanfic #kylux #omegaverse #armitage hux #kylo ren #omega hux #alpha kylo ren #fanfic #my fic #all tags detailed on the ao3 post :)#mpreg #im still taking kylux and gingerpilot prompts btw :)#trying to get some short stuff done for funsies :D

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hereidinathoreauwrites · 5 years ago

Text

Fixing TRoS

I have thoughts about the Rise of Skywalker. So here’s my wish fulfillment re-write of the final film that fixes a few glaring problems/omissions I saw in the story.

This is all my opinion, so please keep the discourse civil!

Basic Rules for this re-write: must keep all characters and locations from original story, all deaths remain as they were in original.

First things first; two quick prop fixes:

Rey’s Staff - there is no reason for her to keep it as is for this movie. She doesn’t use it a lot and most of the time, she’s just passing it around so it survives the film until she can turn it into her new saber. So a quick fix - it now cuts in half like Dark Rey’s saber so she can more easily strap it across her back and carry it through the events of the film.

The Dagger - again, no reason for this to be what it is. When Rey used it to “read” the Death Star wreckage, I rolled my eyes. How would one even make something like that?

So instead of a dagger that points the way, the dagger will be eliminated and the wayfinder will be split into pieces. The crew will be on the hunt for these pieces.

Also: It’s a holocron. Call it a f*cking holocron. I will call it a holocron.

The plot:

Keep the opening the same, Palpatine is fine as a villain and the set design of Exegol is great. Kylo finds the first holocron and flies to Exegol. After a display of Palpatine’s power, he pledges loyalty to the emperor. Palpatine demands that Rey be delivered to him for unknown reasons. The spy recon scene and lightspeed skipping scenes are also fine, they can stay as is.

Rey’s training is fine but she should not be using Luke’s saber. Instead, Leia has given her a training saber that Rey breaks during the training. She tosses it on a garbage heap and takes up another one from a long line.

When Kylo Ren reaches out to her with Vader’s mask, she sees visions of herself as a Sith standing over the bodies of everyone she loves. This begins her journey.

More infighting should be apparent in the First Order, particularly among the leaders. They should appear to be crumbling from within, especially with regard to the Hux-Ren-Pryde dynamic. Ren is obsessed with finding Rey because he still believes they can defeat Palpatine together. Hux is discontent with Pryde’s newfound authority in the order and the two spar during the meeting. After hearing about the Final Order and discovering the existence of another holocron, the gang sets out, taking R2 with them, as he has an old star-map from Luke that may or may not contain the location of the holocron. As a parting gift, Leia gives Rey her old saber before she leaves saying that she’s ready for it. She also tells Rey not to be afraid of who she is.

On the desert planet Pasaana, where R2′s map indicates the holocron might be, all the events from the movie can remain (except the dagger is now half a holocron in pieces). Poe’s leadership during the speeder chase lands them in the sand, shaking his confidence. Everyone thinks that the pieces are just junk but Rey still pockets them, something in them calling softly to her. After realizing the holocron is incomplete, the gang realizes that the other pieces of the holocron must be on another of R2′s planets. Rey still heals the snake underground and Chewie is still taken with the pieces of the holocron in tow.

Rey and Ren stand off with the ship and Rey, in a moment of desperation and fury, shoots lightning from her hands, destroying the ship.

Distraught and believing that she killed Chewie, Rey and the others escape. Rey experiences a moment of deep unrest, since her powers have never been so destructive before.

Sometime in the escape, R2′s memory has been corrupted so they need to head to Kijimi to get the rest of the map and find the other half of the holocron. Poe claims to have contacts there who will help them.

On Kijimi, they meet Kaeden Larte, a former Rebel medical professional and her sister Miara, a former Rebel pilot. The sisters provide a safe space for them, especially after Kaeden sees Rey’s saber. While Miara and Babu Frik work on R2, Miara discusses with Poe the importance of leadership and stepping up, referencing her time as a Rebel Captain. “They win by making you think you’re alone.” Kaeden talks to Rey about the role of a Jedi and the option to step outside the Jedi way, revealing that she once knew another force-user who was outside of the Jedi. Rey is desperate to know more but Finn interrupts them, telling them that R2 is ready.

R2 must now have his memory wiped in order to retrieve the location of the holocron. The little droid agrees, conveying his final words through Rey and the little cone-headed droid they have adopted. Before Babu shuts R2 down, we see him pass something to BB-8. R2′s memory is erased but he projects a course to the Endor system and the location of the final pieces of the holocron.

Zorii Bliss, a former smuggler turned pilot for the sisters, offers the gang an escape just as the Knights arrive. But Rey senses that Chewie is still alive and insists that they get to the ship. Zorii agrees to get them there but insists that she cannot stay to get them off. She doesn’t like combat and doesn’t want any part of the war. Finn tries to convince her but she wont have it.

The gang arrive and split up to rescue Chewie and play out the other events on the ship. The only changes here are regarding Hux and the confrontation between Rey and Ren.

Hux plays a larger role in Chewie’s rescue, actively helping them dodge patrols and escape, even prepping the Falcon and releasing Chewie before they can get there. His reasons remain as in the original film. R2 assists with security bypasses, gleefully unaware that he has done this so many times before. Poe, Finn and Chewie get on the Falcon and load up the droids.

Meanwhile, Ren tells Rey who she is during their Forcetime call between Kijimi and the ship:

Rey is a Vergence. Not a Palpatine.

She’s a nobody who happened to have been conceived by the force, just like Anakin. Imagine the rift that would have caused between her parents? Or the pressure it would have put on a single (slave) mother? She was unwanted and abandoned, confirming Rey’s worst fear: no one truly knows who she is and there is no one to guide her. Vergences are powerful and unpredictable. After all, the last one was Darth Vader.

Sensing her unease, Ren tells her only Palpatine can help her understand who she is. Rey and the gang barely escape as Ren realizes where she is. Battered and with Rey badly torn about her uncertain power and the pull to find answers with the emperor, they go to the Endor system, crashing to the surface. Sensing the holocron, Rey thinks she can find it in the Death Star wreckage. All the stuff with First Order defects is fine, including Finn’s discovery of other Force-sensitive beings. Here, Finn begins to recognize his own leadership potential, as the defects all turn to him for a plan when Ren arrives and Rey and Poe are both otherwise occupied. They keep Ren from approaching the wreckage but only temporarily. When Ren chases after Rey, Finn and Jannah pursue. Inside the Death Star, Rey finds all the pieces and uses the Force to reconstruct it. Just as the completed holocron touches her hand, her visions come to life. Rey’s clone overpowers her with the dark side and she feels the temptation to reach into the darkness for strength. It is only Ren’s appearance that breaks the illusion.

Rey flips out on Kylo when he crushes the holocron; fighting him with saber and lightning etc. Her power and emotions are running rampant and she nearly kills him. It’s only Leia that brings her back to the light (NOTE: I would have loved for Leia to have played a bigger role in the story, especially the ending but I’m still in awe of just how much we got considering Carrie’s passing. RIP Carrie.). Rey still stabs/heals Ben but instead of the hand thing, she says she only wanted him to chose his path, instead of the one his family lineage set him on. She takes his ship and runs. Ben still has a memory of Han but Han’s dialogue is all same from TFA scene. And instead of throwing his saber away, he rips the crystal from it and shoves the pieces into his pocket with the remains of the crushed holocron. The emperor orders Kijimi to be destroyed by a ship. In the chaos, Miara and Zorii escape, Kaeden remains behind to unjam their ship, to her sister’s horror. As the blast closes in, Kaeden closes her eyes and whispers her final words: “I’m coming, Ashoka...” (alternatively: “I’m coming, love.” but this way, Ashoka at least gets name-dropped in the movie.) Having found the holocron onboard Ren’s ship, Rey retreats to Ahch-To, crashing horribly in her distress at losing Leia. Here, she encounters Luke once more as a ghost. After recounting her powers and her pull towards the darkness for answers, Luke reminds Rey that there’s darkness in everyone and what matters is doing what is right as often as you can. And no matter how far gone you are, you can always choose to come back. He tells her about the previous Vergence: his father.

Taking Luke’s resurrected ship, Rey leads the fleet to Exegol.

Back at the Rebel base, the survivors are coping with Leia’s loss and the absence of Poe and Finn. Having been working behind the scenes until now, Rose steps up, re-working the comm systems until they can connect with the Falcon on Endor and deliver the news of Leia’s passing.

After an appropriate time for mourning, Rose inspires Finn and Poe to keep fighting even if the odds are against them. Poe recalls Miara’s words, agreeing to be acting general. Finn laments that Rey is gone and they dont know where to go. BB-8 pulls out a small drive that R2 gave him and Jannah says it’s a memory disc. With the cone-headed droid’s approval, they take a vital part from his head and insert the chip into R2. The droid’s memory is restored and he gleefully tells them that he is picking up a new signal.

At this point, Rose reveals that a new signal has appeared on their end as well, coming from Red 5. The fleet rallies, Poe and Finn giving orders from Endor. Jannah and the other defectors pledge to accompany them, vowing to destroy the First Order once and for all. With Rose and Commander Larma leading the deployment, the Rebellion rendezvous with the Falcon near Endor. Here, Lando and Chewie take over the Falcon (Lando fixing it in about 3 seconds), Poe’s X-Wing and the other transport having been brought to them on a larger ship. With everyone in place, they all jet off to the fight.

While the fleet is in route, Rose finally connects up a broadcast system to the whole galaxy. All across the worlds from all the movies, we see an image of Leia Organa, making one final desperate call to the galaxy to rise up (a la “help me Obi-Wan...”). Across worlds, we see people, even that little boy from The Last Jedi, slowly standing up to fight. Across the galaxy, stormtroopers are beat back, some voluntarily throwing down their weapons. Ships begin to take off, blasting through First Order blockades and patrols, rallying to fly to Exegol. From an undisclosed location, Zurii and Miara join the fight.

Much of the battle of Exegol remains the same, with the main difference being in Rey and Ben’s arc.

Upon finding the emperor, Rey learns that he originally planned to use Vader as a vessel for himself but Vader’s defeat on Mustafar made it impossible. He then reveals that after his resurrection, he influenced the Force to create her: another Vergence, this time, one who would be perfect for him. She will become the vessel for all the Sith and rebuild the Sith society on Exegol.

Seeing her friends dying in the aerial attack, Rey embraces her potential for evil. She kills Palpatine and absorbs the entire dark side. At the same time, she already contains all the Jedi and must reconcile these two opposing forces within herself. Voices of the Jedi and the Sith collide in her head, her power spinning out of control around her. Rocks fly, lightning flashes. While this is going on, sky battle continues, with Finn, etc. attacking the command ship. Ben arrives and, in a moment of desperation against the Knights, reassembles his saber using the pieces of the holocron. When he ignites it, it blazes a brilliant white.

Sensing Ben, Rey finds something to ground her as the powers fight within her. Through their bond, Ben steadies her because he too knows the pull; he’s been fighting it all his life. With Rey settled, having defeated the Emperor’s influence, the Guards descend on Ben and Rey. In an echo of the throne room scene from TLJ, they fight side-by-side against the guards. The ghosts of all the Jedi appear with them and guide them through the fight with their knowledge and encouragement. Both are injured critically during the battle, Rey fatally since she is already so drained from her ordeal overcoming Palpatine. Ben knows he only has enough strength to save one of them, he chooses to save Rey. The woman who showed him all was not lost. That even he could chose to return to the light.

With a touch, all of his life force goes into Rey. He collapses. With his dying breath, he thanks her.

Rey closes his eyes and kisses him on the forehead before he fades into the Force. She takes his new saber and Leia’s from the temple.

After celebrating their victory, the Resistance gathers for a proper funeral for Leia, her body fading into the Force as Maz offers up a eulogy. Poe and Finn share a moment that may be simple camaraderie but may be the hint of something more. Off to the side, Rey ignites Ben’s clothes with a spark of lightning and watches somberly as they burn.

As the last remaining Force-user, Rey names herself the Skywalker. The line between the light and dark. The Balance. In the final scene, she buries Leia’s weapon and the pieces of Luke’s alongside the general’s grave. She reveals that she has constructed her own saber: a double-bladed sword made from Ben’s blade and her staff.

She turns and we see Finn, Jannah, and the remainder of the defectors standing watching her. As one, they all bow to her, revealing training sabers on their hips.

“Padawans.” Rey says. She lifts a rock with the Force. “It’s time to begin your training.”

“Yes, Master Skywalker.”

#star wars the rise of skywalker #fan rewrite #please keep the discourse civil #this is only my wish-fulfillment opinion

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chubbyooo · 5 years ago

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Old Wounds part 2 - A Blurred Lines Spinoff

My writing brain is going crazy right now so here we go with the second part of the spinoff after this things will be back tied up. This will also be the first time I’ve told a story from an existing characters perspective so hope it’s ok

Lana tries her best to run the alliance exasperated with the advisors who are seemingly absent and hears a voice she hasn’t heard in a long time

5-7 years later…

Lana shut off the holo with a audible sigh, she put her hands on her forehead slumping in her chair

From the corner the protocol droid D3-EZ coked its head “is everything ok miss Beniko?” she looked to the droid grumpily

Lana shook her head “no Ezzy I just need a minute” Ezzy nodded staying still, Lana sighed protocal droids never got the message “that means leave Ez” Ezzy nodded leaving the room without a word.

Lana dragged her fingers down her face this was not what she needed right now, Zakuul were finally leaving the alliance saying they could ‘make it on their own’ they had been threatening to do it for months but she thought they were bluffing. It wasn’t that she was afraid they could ‘make it on their own’ they were bound to come crawling back but the alliance couldn’t afford with this war on the horizon and the alliances place in the galaxy being questioned. She clenched her fists against the desk it certainly didn’t help that the alliances two other advisors had decided to disappear now out of nowhere. She had hoped the commander would be much help but Kyradia was clearly ‘affected’ by whatever falling out she had with Kavaraa and was choosing to just sign whatever Lana put in front of her. Lana had never wanted to be in charge of the alliance but she had to do her best for the galaxy she just wished everyone else would do the same. She held her fingers on the bridge of her nose she couldn’t remember the last time she got a break and Kavaraa and Theron go off on a surprise ‘honeymoon’ sure that’s fair. Just because she was alone she didn’t get a chance to take holidays? She didn’t blame Theron though he was following her for love Lana could understand that but did all this have to happen right now it’s like the universe was cruelly mocking her.

She looked through documents for a couple minutes before she saw a holocall from Theron Shan flashing on her display. Speak of the devil she answered the holocall as Theron flashed in to view looking stressed, that certainly made two of them.

Lana folder her arms “Theron, good to hear from you is this ‘honeymoon’ nearly over I can’t handle everyones paperwork you know” Lana could hear what sounded like distant discussion with a signature excitable tone familiar to her as the Jedi Basen’thor

Theron looked away “uh well not exactly we found a kid” Lana frowned a kid? so what

she was not in the mood for excuses “and is this kid stopping you from coming back?” Theron coughed awkwardly as Lana bore down on him

Theron mumbled “he found some sort of map it leads to knowledge or some force stuff and now Kavaraa wants to find it” Lana let out a long sigh of course knowing Kavaraa they were probably already on their way

Lana frowned at Theron “you know I can’t just run this all by myself” Theron nodded clearly understanding

Theron tugged at his collar “yeah I know Lana but this could give us information to stop powerful people like maybe Malgus” Lana had to admit he had a point but he wasn’t getting out of this so easy

Lana leant forward messing with the console “ok but this is no longer a vacation for you so here’s the deal you help me with running the alliance like normal and I wont rat you out to your wife about calling me with updates sound fair” yes it was technically blackmail but she was running an alliance and Theron would have done the same to her

Theron squirmed “well you’ve got me in quite the box here Beniko fine I guess this i what I get for being friends with a sith” Lana raised her eyebrow well that helped a little with the workload “so what’s been going on with the alliance then so I’m up to date”

Lana held her forehead remembering the situation “bad news Zakuul finally went ‘independent’ today” Theron grimaced messing with a datapad

“why they don’t have the infrastructure the planet’s gonna fall apart” Lana was fully aware those people had never know a hard day in their life before the eternal empire was brought down so now they blamed the alliance how do you break down that kind of ego?

Lana sighed “believe me Theron I know but you know how people can be” Theron nodded

Theron rubbed his forehead “how long till they come crawling back” Lana had done a rough calculation and explained it to them but they were vigilant her scientific data was somehow incorrect

Lana shrugged “the bottom line is too long we could really have used Zakuul even without the fleet” Lana’s mind drifted to Koth and the gravestone she wondered if they would be in a different situation without his interference with it.

Theron sighed “of course they had to do this right now when everything is so fractured” Lana nodded the alliance should be better than squabbling but clearly some people didn’t feel the same way

Lana frowned “well that’s not exactly our fault is it Theron” Theron reluctantly nodded “we have to end this argument between them Theron it’s petty and it seems like most of the ill will is on your wifes end.” Lana knew the fight was coming but she hoped it wouldn’t do this she hoped it’d clear the air so they could move on but clearly she had overestimated the two of them.

Theron grimaced “I’ll try my best Lana but you gotta admit she has good reason to be mad” Lana nodded Jedi were always like this stubborn and set in their ways well except a few.

Lana sighed “I’m not asking for a miracle Theron but just try to point her in the right direction” she ended the call and leant back. Theron would help with paperwork that was something one less thing on the incredibly long list of things she had to do, she wasn’t very confident Theron would change Kavaraa’s mind she was stubborn and Theron was in love with her. He’d probably follow her into anything she kinda got it she had been in love before but that was a long time ago, she’d never admitted it to him either so no point getting into it.

But that was 5 years ago this was now she had work to do, she heard the comm suddenly breaking her out of her daydream as the robotic voice of Ezzy came through “Miss Nadia Grell to see you Miss Beniko” Nadia? Kavaraa’s old apprentice? what did she want?

Lana responded “send her in Ezzy” she sighed an advisors job was never finished. Nadia walked into the room shuffling to the chair awkwardly

she looked away “um hello miss Beniko I uh just came to uh tell you about a distress call from the uh Basen’thors temple” wow she was nervous she shouldn’t be that was a perfectly fair thing to tell her.

Lana nodded “thanks for bringing this to my attention Nadia I’ll have someone investigate right away” she had a great idea for who perfect way to get Kyradia feeling nostalgic

Nadia cleared her throat “I actually wanted to ask for permission to go myself actually” Lana smiled that was sweet but she had a feeling Nadia and Kyradia would not get on well

Lana shook her head “no don’t worry about it I’ll make sure to get some experienced people to deal with it, don’t want to drag you away from your work” Nadia nodded seemingly understanding Lana believed she worked in the archives.

Nadia smiled “well uh thanks for the help and I’ll uh be going” Lana nodded as Nadia left. She took a second staring at the door ok no one else to talk to? good she could take a second. After a few minutes she got up she had to tell Kyradia about the mission to Yavin.

later…

Lana entered her quarters tired after a long day, the commander had taken the mission and was on her way to Yavin IV meaning she was officially the only one left. This was gonna be a grueling couple of weeks, she opened up the fridge she still had some leftovers good she really had no time to cook today. She got herself a cup of tea and sat down on her couch, she sighed another day another problem at least she had a little time to rest. She flicked through the news and was unsurprised to see an article about Zakuul apparently they were having longer and longer power cuts since departing from the alliance and now the support was entirely gone, part of the city was blacked out for a full minute. Lana chuckled big surprise there, she sipped her tea in the silent quarters she certainly had made them her own but it still felt kinda empty it certainly was more homely than her old acolytes chambers. Between then and now she hadn’t really had any other solid homes, could be worse though she didn’t live in a ship once the leftovers were finished she used the force to pull a holobook out of her tiny bookshelf. She liked books a little escapism was always good this one was about a tribe completely unaware of the galaxy around them, she imagined that could be quite nice certainly a lot less stressful the struggles were all quite simple but still felt real and there was a lot less politics. She continued to read until her eyes fluttered closed falling asleep curled up on the couch but then sometime later she was awoken suddenly.

“LANA!” a voice wrung out in her head the voice was deep and basey but she recognised it in a second

She looked around the room “D-Dzûsa??” she could see no sign of him the man she hadn’t seen in over seven years.

The voice, his voice spoke in her head “I d-don’t h-have long come to Zakuul I’m u-und…” the voice trailed off she sat up flustered

Lana tried her best to respond “Dzûsa where are you?” she shouted into the chamber but there was no response. Lana took a deep breath was she crazy? she couldn’t have heard that right? but it was definitely him the man she hadn’t spoken too since Sullust. ‘Come to Zakuul’ was he there? how could he be they had scoured that planet for prisons they would’ve found him she certainly thought she would’ve sensed him. She had only given up hope on him once Valkorion was defeated, in every prison they went to she searched and searched but to no avail, she had tried and tried to sense him but it was like he was somehow gone. What should she do she couldn’t just leave the alliance but he was well he could be alive and he may be what the alliance needs right now hero of Tython and all that. She sighed she had to try even if it lead nowhere she could put the issue to bed for good, she quickly put on her sith robes and headed out the door.

later…

Lana brought her ship down into the Zakuul spaceport as she dialed up Senya Tirall on her holocommunicator, a tired looking Senya appeared within a minute

Senya frowned “yes Lana was this so pressing it couldn’t wait till the morning” Lana wasn’t usually the one to do crazy things it felt very strange to be the one leaving without a word

Lana tried her best to smile “uh well yes I’m not on Odessen I’m uh looking into something on Zakuul so I would very much appreciate it if you could look after the alliance” Senya gave her a curious look

she chuckled “you’ve been spending too much time with Theron and Kavaraa, why me?” Lana chuckled understanding the irony of the situation

Lana grinned “well you raised the Tiralls this’ll be a piece of cake by comparison” Senya laughed

Senya nodded “very well I can look after things” she turned off the holo phew someone she trusted was in charge, at first she thought Hylo could handle it then she realised how terrible it would be to leave the underworld in control of the alliance.

She left her ship in a hurry making her way out the spaceport and towards the spire as she walked she could she the lights flicker on and off this power situation was bad. However at the spire she saw Indo Zal waiting there with a few guards

he proceeded to shuffle up to her awkwardly “um Miss Beniko as I told you before Zakuul is now independent and you wont convince us otherwise” Lana stood still her eyes narrowing at Indo

Lana kept the scowl as Indo squirmed “don’t worry Indo I’m not here for Zakuul don’t think yourself so important to me that I’d come here myself” Indo seemed to stifle his anger aware of Lana’s power good “I just need to get into the spire I think I have missed something” she walked up to Indo standing over him “are you going to stop me?” Indo shook his head

he gestured to the lift “r-right this way miss Beniko” Lana made her way into the lift closing it before Indo could join her, she didn’t hate him but she did hate the ego of the people in charge of this planet acting like they ruled the galaxy.

The lift slowly rose up the spire soon arriving at the seat of the eternal throne, Lana made her way out the whole room was dusty it had been abandoned after everything that happened. Once the most powerful place in the galaxy now just a dusty old relic, she chuckled kinda like Valkorion. She remembered the fight for the throne protecting Kyradia from Skytroopers while Kavaraa battled the old emperors wrath they fought as one back then what had changed. That’s not what she was here for though she got a datapad out hoping to slice into the blueprints of the spires she must have missed something. She had just got them up when the room suddenly went dark, she watched as the lights on Zakuul began to flicker out nearly the whole city went out this time. She couldn’t help but smile maybe her calculations had been wrong they were in dire straights.

She stared at the datapad trying to find some inconstancy “Lana you made it” she heard the voice again she looked around as the power turned back on

Lana tried to see if Dzûsa here but she’d be able to see the huge form on the pureblood “Dzûsa are you there?” she waited but there was no response damn it she nearly had him. He was here though two times was a coincidence three times was evidence, she turned back to her data pad as the power dipped again.

she noted the points she had already checked “I’m here, I’m below” Lana heard his voice again below below where? she frowned he had spoken to her during the power cuts he had to that was no coincidence and he was below. She looked at all the power plants they had cleared she chuckled remembering Koth’s insane idea to save the power station during the rescue of Kyradia. But that wasn’t the only power they had right, she followed the power lines down there were a few transformers relatively near to the core for geothermal power. Lana frowned that would be crazy there was hardly any way to get there, but one was below the spire maybe the lift had some secret function?.

Lana went back over to the lift there had to be something she could do, she began trying her best to slice into the console by the force she wished Theron was here he’d have it open in seconds. After a few minutes the lift had locked her out, she lashed out at the wall in anger creating a small dent, huh maybe she didn’t need to slice it this was dangerous but definitely achievable. She closed her eyes reaching out with the force, she channeled all her anger for Zakuul, for Valkorion for everything that lead her to have to do this and began pulling the lift down with the force. The lift shot down reaching the bottom of the spire within minutes but now what if she went deeper, if there was nothing it’d just break the lift a bit. She pushed down and to her surprise it kept going a burst of anger flowed out making the lift descend even faster slamming down against the bottom of the shaft with a bang. Lana staggered forward feeling the force of what she had just done, so much for subtlety as she forced the doors open she sensed Dzûsa’s presence it was here nearby.

She could hear the sounds of magma close by they must be really far down, Lana crept out making her way through the chamber until she came to a large door that slid open as she got near.

She held herself steady against the wall listening in to two voices “I’m sorry sir I’m trying everything but we don’t have the network to support the power surges anymore” well that at least explained the blackouts

A deep terse voice responded “I don’t care about keeping Zakuul powered Valkorion has stated that this is more important so do as I say” the voice sounded familiar from where she had no idea

the other voice responded “that’s the problem I don’t have the power to do that anymore are you sure we should still be doing this we haven’t got an update from up top in over a year” well she knew why that was did they seriously still think Valkorion was in control

The deep voice sneered back “I said DO IT so DO IT got it” Lana crept into the room her eyes widening as she did, the room was an open walkway magma was flowing behind glass and in the middle of the room shackled to what looked like a four pronged transformer was Dzûsa. His hair was greying with a few white streaks he looked so much older and weaker, Lana saw him turn to him with a very slight smile. She felt a tear well up in her eye she couldn’t believe he was here after she had given up on him used as a god damn power source for Valkorion. She felt her sadness wash away replaced with a white hot rage, she turned to the console where the figures were arguing and her rage only deepened as she saw the face of Dûshto Zâtan shouting at a human male.

Within seconds she pulled in into her grip her hands tight around his neck his eyes widened as he noticed her face “remember me bitch” Dûshto’s face was wracked with shock as he tried to escape the grip. Lana felt every bit of the pain she’d felt over the last 5 years come back as she chocked Dûshto this man had kept Dzûsa prisoner after the Eternal empire was defeated and why for some sick vengeance.

https://open.spotify.com/track/1fl5TvpPkPjx8zo45HY0UQ?si=iXzAJ4IeQomp5RoIi-Pftg

Dûshto’s face crept into an eerie smile as he grabbed a knife stabbing her in the side “yes Blondie it’ll be a shame to have come all this way to fail how disappointing” Lana dropped Dûshto holding her side. She gritted her teeth fighting through the pain as they both ignited their lightsabers, she lunged forward with three slashes that caused Dûshto to stumble back as he parried each strike.

His unnatural grin only increased “you’ve waited all this time why not be with your precious Dzûsa” Lana felt herself thrown towards the transformer as she crashed against one of the prongs she felt the current flow through her causing her to writhe in pain. She felt her rage explode but knew she had to channel it she focussed on the electricity beginning to gain control over it as it flowed through her arms. She dropped to the ground to see Dûshto looking at her wide eyed she clicked her neck letting out a volley of crackling energy that surrounded him. He shrieked out in pain as she threw him against the glass wall, a small crack appeared in the wall as she slammed him against the wall again and again, she could feel the electricity waining as the glass broke with her next hit. Magma flowed in to the room leeching out to that side of the chamber stopping just before the console, Dûshto narrowly managed to avoid it with a roll landing across the room from her. Lana threw her saber at Dûshto as he sprinted towards her, once he was close Lana jumped over him pulling her saber back into her hand she landed behind Dûshto and went to slice at his back.

She made a laceration along his back as he cried out in pain turning around with a snarl “ok then Blondie let’s get serious” she could see him reach out with the force pulling another of the transformer prongs out of the ground then throwing at her. She wasn’t going to dodge though she could do this she reached out with the force her rage taking control of the prong throwing it back around towards him. To her disappointment he dodged as the thing speared into the glass crackling with electricity while the magma melted the metal, Dûshto looked from her to Dzûsa and then smiled he pulled the other two prongs out of the ceiling throwing them to the side.

Dzûsa began to fall towards the magma but Lana quickly reached out with the force trying to pull him away but Dûshto also had his grip on Dzûsa holding him in place, he chuckled “not so tough now Blondie your powers or my brother you choose” Lana did her best to hold Dzûsa steady but she couldn’t do it forever she could see the magma getting closer and closer. Dûshto swiped at her clumsily as she parried equally clumsily this was completely throwing off both their abilities with the force.

Lana’s eyes widened she knew what to do she smiled at Dûshto “who said anything about the force” with that she jumped into the air bringing her leg round for a vicious roundhouse kick against Dûshto’s face, he was caught completely oof guard and staggered back as Lana kicked him again he fell back into the magma with a cry. Lana felt Dûshto’s concentration on holding Dzûsa up falter and she quickly focussed her attention on catching Dzûsa holding him up just before he hit the magma. She lifted him across as she could hear Dûshto’s cries of pain from behind her, Dzûsa landed on the ground breathing heavily Lana immediately rushed to his side to see if he was ok.

She was suddenly pulled into a big hug as Dzûsa pulled her off the ground swinging her around “hahahaha I knew you’d understand” his deep voice boomed well he may look older but he still had the same energy that was good.

Her set her down immediately taking a tired knee Lana held his hand “are you ok?” seemed like a silly question he certainly didn’t look ok but she had to ask

Dzûsa smiled warmly “I’m fine that was just kinda taxing probably shouldn’t have done it” Lana had missed that smile she pulled him into a long hug “absolutely worth it”

She felt her rage melt away as tears entered her eyes “I’ve missed you so much” she felt Dzûsa move his arm in force like motion what was he doing

Dzûsa laughed “why we never even went on a date” Lana glowered at him

Lana lightly punched his arm “we both know it was more than that even if I was too embarrassed to admit it” Dzûsa smiled nodding. Lana noticed the screams had stopped she turned around to see Dûshto not burning in the magma but unconscious on the walkway burnes covered his back and lower half. She turned back to Dzûsa “you’re still letting him live” she was ready to kill him five times over how was Dzûsa ok with this.

Dzûsa nodded “I know but I’ve had a lot of time to think, that man is not my brother not anymore but if I am every to see my brother again he needs to find it himself, there is no part of me that wants vengeance on anyone not anymore” Lana leant in and kissed him, he was just the same just as kinda hearted it had been years of torture and he was still that sweet big oaf.

Lana pulled away “I’ve missed that, come on let’s get out of here” Dzûsa nodded as Lana helped him to the elevator. Lana remembered oh no would the lift still work? she pressed on the console and to her relief it whirred to life and slowly began to rise up.

Lana turned to Dzûsa “sooooo this lift is gonna take a while” Dzûsa turned to Lana colour seemed to be returning to his face as he began to be able to stand by himself

Dzûsa frowned “here right now?” Lana nodded kissing him maybe Theron wasn’t so wrong about that romance thing

later…

Lana made sure her robes were all in order as the lift finally opened, it was much slower without her force power but she hadn’t minded that. She could see Indo still waiting there looking surprised to see two figures exit the lift, she noticed the power begin to dim and go completely out now well that was awfully unfortunate at least the lift had still worked.

Lana raised her eyebrow at Indo “my my Zakuul certainly seems to be prospering without the alliance” she pushed past Indo back towards her ship

Indo stuttered “um Miss Beniko if we could just talk for a sec-” Lana was not gonna deal with this right now

Lana smiled “if you want to discuss alliance matters you know how to contact me Indo but I doubt you would want to after leaving” with that she lead Dzûsa back to her ship where they quickly took off leaving Zakuul to its problems.

After she put the ship into Hyperspace she made sure Dzûsa got some tea and a blanket, she sat down next to him. Lana shuffled awkwardly “so I don’t know how to ask this but uh what happened to you?” Dzûsa sipped his tea quietly

he cleared his throat “when I last saw you I got a lead saying a clue to Vitiates whereabouts was on Nathema and uh the clue was from my sister” Lana nodded ok that at least explained why his crew didn’t know where he was “Naturally I barrelled off into danger without a second thought and once I arrived I found the uh testing facility for Vaylin I think your familiar with her” Lana nodded “and Vaylin to put it simply completely outclassed me I quickly lost and Vaylin would have murdered me if Valkorion hadn’t stepped in” Lana nodded remembering her own encounters with Vaylin she wasn’t too surprised “instead Valkorion decided the ultimate revenge would be to make me power the very city he controlled, some kind of cruel irony” Valkorion, of course killing his enemies would never be enough “he constructed what you and Dûshto destroyed to torture my every moment and sap me of my force energy making sure I’d never be able to escape” Lana nodded she felt bad for acting like her last five years were bad by comparison they were great “and that power was turned into electricity somehow, about a few months in I got a new supervisor Dûshto I think Valkorion thought it was a cruel joke, apparently he had surrendered just to get a chance of finding me. Dûshto then made it his mission to make my life non stop pain. As I’m sure you guessed he kept me there even after the empire fell I think he would have done it forever just to satisfy his need for revenge” Lana could see the hurt in his face Dzûsa clearly still cared for Dûshto she had no idea why though.

Lana gasped “I couldn’t sense you because of the force draining right, I’m so sorry Dzûsa especially about your brotherI wish I could have done more” Dzûsa smiled back at her as he gulped down his tea

he wiped his chin “it’s ok it actually has helped me gain perspective I don’t want forgiveness anymore I’m happy just to live” Lana nodded not totally understanding but happy he wouldn’t go running off on an adventure “and I hope I can still fit into yours you seemed like you wanted that in the elevator I guess we can finally have that date” Lana chuckled of course he’d say that

Lana walked over to him giving him a long passionate kiss “of course you do Dzûsa you are exactly what I need right now it’s a date” Dzûsa smiled she really had missed that smile it seemed like she was wrong about the next few weeks they’d be the best in years…

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