#Also if you're unfamiliar with some of the terms that just shows you that I'm not okay

[riaki]

i literally cant stop thinkin’ about highschoolbully!gojo who used to be your ride or die ‘til he started getting attention from those popular jock type guys who are always assholes to everyone. and him being.. well, him means he preens under attention no matter who it’s from, so naturally he started to gravitate towards that group and their little troop of cheerleading fangirls. and then he started distancing from you and without either of you really realizing it, you’ve slipped between the other’s fingers. but the way he acts towards you makes you think he let you fall without moving a muscle to slow you down.

soon enough, a year swings by and by the end of it he’s gone from your life, save as just another face in the gaggle of boys who make crude jokes and laugh at smart kids and pop milk cartoons during lunch just for the hell of it. but you’re minding your own business, ‘cause you’re mature enough to realize that people come and go, no matter how close you might’ve been and you think it’s unfortunate that so many memories could be thrown aside in a blink of an eye, but it makes a lot of sense when you walk past satoru and his friends bullying some random kid. you don’t know him, but you’ve heard enough to realize it’s his girlfriend satoru’s flirting with while his ‘gang’ kick at the kid. and it’s sickening, but you don’t say anything when you walk by.

and when you don’t ever see the kid afterward and catch the dark eyebags under his girlfriend’s eyes, you come to the cruel realization that satoru isn’t the boy who’d bandage the scrape on your knee you got from tripping in the playground or buy you a soda because he’s noticed your sweat when you were walking home and you don’t have any money left on you.

it’s a glass half empty, half full type of situation. on the one hand, you don’t have him anymore. on the other hand, you don’t have him anymore. that is, you lost your best friend, but you’ve also lost someone who has the potential to absolutely ruin your life. and you don’t know whether to be glad or not, so you just mind your own business even if it hurts a little when he ignores you, stops tossing paper at your head in class (unless it’s to embarrass you) and stops walking you to and from school.

but the cherry on top of the shit cake is that he doesn't get it. so when he approaches you in the library one day after satiating the need to tear pages from books and make them into paper airplanes to throw at people, he doesn't seem to understand why you try to ignore him, or put off his attempts to hold a convo. but the worst part is that he's just sleazy and clueless about it. it's like he took an eraser and wiped every single year of your friendship off the chalkboard with one fell swipe, and you wish he'd done that too to the less-than-appropriate messages he and his friends had written towards one of your classmates.

he doesn't understand why you're hesitant to talk, and that's what makes it the worst. he always thinks he's in the right, and he keeps setting you off and it sucks that he knows exactly what sets you off. "i'm an asshole? what're you talking about? really, you're in over your head. you never change." he laughs, and you ignore him, and he gets bored, and he's about to leave when he spots your wallet open next to your book, on the table. there's a polaroid peeking out, and he recognizes the tufts of white hair to be him. but there's a weird feeling in his chest, and he thinks he gets it from you, so he leaves because he thinks you're weird.

and it goes on; you practically become a nobody in satoru's eyes, because of that weird, weird feeling you give him. it's unfamiliar and he's never gotten it before and he doesn't like it. but it's unavoidable when your professor pairs you two for the end-of-term project. and of course, you're ready to do all the work, because that's how it always was between you when you were kids. but sometimes he'd surprise you by helping, and he'd show you that he was actually intelligent just to earn your praise because he liked it. but he ignored you, and you did everything, and it would've been okay if not for his friends egging him on to present your entire project when the day came and leave you with no content for a grade.

that's the first time it hits him: does he really want to do that? but it's not like it'll be the first time; you've always taken the hits for him, because you're naturally smart and you'll pick yourself back up in no time, and you get why he does it, so it'll be okay. so he agrees, and he enjoys the time he gets to spend with you through it, but the nagging weird feeling that blooms in his chest like a pesky weed only grows stronger. that's all his feelings ever seem to do around you.

but before you know it, presentation day swings around. you had coffee this morning (on his card), and you're ready enough to shoot him a small smile that sends his heart a-flutter. so you go up, feeling up to the task and ready until— he starts talking, and talking, and talking, and people don't think that he's taking your words out of your mouth because he's intelligent when he wants to make you praise him and you don't get the chance to get a word in and you notice the guys are laughing and hitting each other's shoulders to themselves in the upper rows and before you know it it's over. people are clapping but moreso they're looking at you and they're whispering— but it's terribly loud and they don't bother to hide it. they call you things that shouldn't bother you but they do anyway, because it's satoru's fault, and you're such a fool for thinking you could have it your way again.

so you leave class early, excusing yourself and ignoring the way your professor gives you a distasteful look and scribbles something next to your name. you're out the door in a second, neglecting your bags and satoru's a little lost because— didn't he just do good? people were clapping, and laughing with him and not at him, but it's attention either way so he doesn't mind. so why do you? why did you look at him like he stabbed you in the back? and his friends are calling his name, and he wishes he could chase after you and do something but he doesn't.

and it's a little sickening what they do next; one of their girls grabbed your bags and tossed it to them, and they've started rifling through it as if they own it, tearing up your shit and dumping everything onto the ground and he's kind of just... glued to the chair by his feelings. his heart feels like it's been patched together and the weird fuzzy feeling he had in his chest that's been cultivating has extinguished to be replaced with something he realizes he's only ever felt when it comes to you— guilt.

he's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't realize his friend is silently offering him something— nudging his side to get his attention. he takes it without really realizing he moved his hand, and his silent friend with the gauges in his ears and the dark hair gets up and leaves without another word. when satoru looks down, he realizes he's been given your wallet. "the reward for betraying your baby," they call it. like all you're worth is the money in your account.

he's a little curious. that's how he's always been; asking you questions, rummaging through your stuff, laughing sheepishly and shaking it off when you caught him red-handed. so he opens it up, ignoring your sad little cards and the funny look on your license. he's looking for something, subconsciously; but he doesn't find it. there's no white tuft of hair to suggest his presence in your life; just empty black leather. nothing else.

and he doesn't see you after. or the following day. or the following weeks; weeks that turn into months that turn into the end of school and he's graduating but you're not by his side. and neither are his so called 'friends'; the only thing he has to their name is your own ruined friendship. it's a shame; he feels alone. very alone. no fuzzy weird feeling, not even that thing people call guilt. no attention to chase, and connections are ever harder to make. it shouldn'tve mattered that much, right? it was just a presentation. why wouldn't you just come back to him like you always did? were you not still friends...?

but the blood is still on his hands, and he doesn't manage to ever wash it off. guilt has a way of festering; of weighing on the heart 'till there's nothing left to feel or think but unfortunate circumstance and what could've been done differently. it just sucks that he never tried hard enough to keep you from slipping between his grasp. and now, he doesn't even have a polaroid to your friendship's name.

pt.2

[haikavehs-audhd]

Love and Deepspace Headcanons

Tags: sfw/13+ only (i can't write anything suggestive/smutty for my life), implied autistic/ADHD MC based off my experience, genderneutral/transmasc!MC because i'm a guy and all of you can fight me, some age regressor!MC x Caregiver!Sylus in his part (it is NOT a kink, do not associate it with that.), most of it is silly stuff about the LI and/or the relationship with MC because i'm mentally ill and like coming up with scenarios, some are self indulgement lol

A/N: Also want to clarify a few things: 1) I'm a Rafayel, Sylus, and Caleb main and unfamiliar with the depths of Xavier and Zayne's personalities, so apologies if they're OOC, 2) I Do Not Have both Full Sets if Xavier's Lightseeker* or Lumiere Myths, both Full Sets Zayne's Foreseer* and Master of Fate Myths, Sylus' Abyss Sovereign Myth, or Caleb's Farspace Colonal Myth as of writing this, so anything that references them is due to spoilers I found on Twitter from other players doing in depth stuff, and 3) I. Am not a writer, I am an artist, so this might suck

*I have One Lightseeker and One Foreseer

Recommended Track for the entire thing:

🌟 Xavier 🌟

Has fairy lights and glow in the dark stars in his room/scattered around his apartment thanks to a suggestion by MCMC also has fairy lights and a string light set that has moons and stars. Xavier picked that one out

MC and Xavier made matching Build a Bears to represent each other--MC's is a Pastel Swirl Pawlette, Xavier's is a Pastel Swirl Kitty (Names are up for interpretation)

You know how it's canon that when they LIs are happy they show their Evols via Xavier glowing? What if it's just not happiness and with any extreme emotion?

Aka Xavier glows softly when he's happy, blinding when he's angry, probably super dim when he's upset/sad/hurt etc

He's probably the second warmest LI in terms of body heat cuz of the Light Evol

Give MC a weighted blanket and snuggling up to Xavier in the winter and them 2 are the happiest nappers ever

MC and him both infodump about astronomy together

MC probably taught him about astrology. He probably doesn't believe in it fully but indulges them, listening with wide intent eyes and blinking in code because he loves MC so much

"So you're upset because Mercury is in...gatorade?" "Xavier no--"

They have matching bunny onesies. Xavier's is white and blue, MC's is gray and pink

MC calls him Stardew after showing him Stardew Valley!!

They have a Meadowlands Farm and a buncha animals in, included modded ones

MC absolutely named one of their Rabbits after him

MC probably also plays Animal Crossing with him

Idk he seems like a Cozy Gamer ngl

MC tried to teach him to cook properly

It still doesn't work but. A+ for effort!

Much like his little secret blinking code, MC has a type of tapping/shape drawing code and will use their fingers to tap messages on his cheeks when they squish them!

His love language is Quality Time and Physical Touch

Tara, Andrew, and Simone tease them lightheartedly whenever they're at the Association. Jenna smiles and shakes their head

Holds hands under the desk when they're doing paperwork

Has probably watched Suzume or Your Name together!

Song(s) i associate with Xavier from my playlist: Starlight - Dreamcatcher, Fallen Star - The KingDom, Fireflies - Dreamcatcher, Moonchild - RM of BTS, Supernova - Aespa, Mikrokosmos - BTS

❄️ Zayne ❄️

That man is AUTISTIC and you can pry him out of my grasp WHEN I AM ROTTING 6 FT UNDER I WILL FIGHT ALL OF YOU

Has light sensory issues (that's why he always wears sunglasses stop making fun of him)

MC once stuck snowflake decals on his window. They have not left the window since

Zayne has one of those fat round seel pillows/plushies on his bed. MC gifted him that for Christmas when they were kids and he hasn't parted with it since

MC is kind of surprised but melted at the fact he kept it for all these years

LOVES when MC stress bakes, but also makes sure that neither of them overindulge. Health is important you know

MC's addicted to peppermints because of him. Zayne happily supplies them with the succulent mints (it helps with their anxiety and overstimulation)

I feel like Zayne would be the best at knowing ways to de-escalate a possible meltdown/anxiety attack

Especially with his Evol, he makes sure he can conjure up an ice crystal for MC to grasp so their brain focuses on the cold sensation instead of whatever caused the meltdown/anxiety attack

Speaking of his Evol, his extreme emotions are kinda. Elsa like in terms of it manifesting

Soft snowflakes falling gently around him when he's happy, harsh flurries and blizzards forming when he's angry as his neck and hands crystalize due to the curse, ice crystals forming in sharp #pikes around him, less rapid crystalization of his hands and neck forming when he's upset/sad/hurt as snow falls in wet clumps, etc

He's also the coldest LI body heat wise!!

MC clings to Zayne when the summer heat becomes too much and he's easily able to cool them down

Probably learned how to make snowcones using his Evol for them

They love it

The meal planner of the relationship!! He makes sure that they both have balanced meals and healthy foods in the kitchen

MC also sneaks in cute little love notes when they pack his lunch if they know he's gonna have a busy day!!

Things like "I love you, hope you have a good day!" "Stay warm today!" "Can't wait to see you!" Etc. Sometimes cheesy pick-up lines and poems are there

Zayne keeps all of them in a little drawer at his desk when he's doing smaller appointments/checkups/paperwork

On particularly hard days, he'll take one out, reread it, and gives the slightest hint of a smile

You know how he has dry humor? ...dad puns. That man can and will say Dad Puns

MC loves it tho

They had snowball fights w Caleb as kids

MC claimed he cheated though because of his Evol

Now that they're adults, they likely take walks through the snow and admire how sparkly it looks in the moonlight

MC absolutely sneaks an attack on him with a snowball though

It ends with them making snow angels and going home to make hot cocoa with marshmallows <3

His love languages are Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation

Nicknames from MC: Pear Bear, Sweet Tooth, Sweetums, Mr. Snowman, Doc

Songs i associate with Zayne from my playlist: In the Frozen - Dreamcatcher, Jamais Vu - BTS, Like Crazy (English Ver) by Jimin of BTS, The Apparition - Sleep Token (HEAVY on Dawnbreaker!Zayne for this one)

🐟 Rafayel 🐟

His love language is Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Physical Touch

MC made matching kandi bracelets for them!! He proudly wears his and has a fish charm, MC usually has theirs on when not on missions, in their pocket when they are, and has a seashell charm!

Gets art lessons from Rafayel and improves slowly over time

MC is probably more of a fanartist/OC artist

Absolutely made self inserts/OCs based off them and Rafayel

Rafayel absolutely adores them and makes a big deal of hanging up every piece of artwork they draw

Lots of moonlight picnics on the beach!!

Okay listen i know Moonlight Jellies are probably a Stardew Valley only thing, but imagine Rafayel plays into it and gets MC all excited about them as if they were real

MC gets very excited over the stories Rafayel tells them

Warmest LI!! His Fire Evol does wonders in the coldest of winters. He jokes it's only due to him being Lemurian though (it plays a part)

And when he feels extreme emotions? Oh watch out.

Tiny flames and sparks float around him when he's happy, burning infernos and possibly setting someone something on fire when he's angry, sizzling scorches when he's hurt or upset, etc

I also like to think he probably shot flames at the other love interests out of jealousy

Mainly Xavier or Zayne

Because i think he would know those 2 more due to stalking us (OG3 crumbs please take them)

Gets very dramatically pouty if you call him Ariel

"c'mon Rafa please sing A Whole New World for me? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻" "What? So you can tease me and call me Ariel again? No way"

Does it anyways

I'd like to think he saves his singing for very special occassions due to. Y'know. It being a way to manipulate people

And some special occassions include birthdays or when MC needs comfort after a nightmare and needs to be lulled back asleep

rises the moon by Liana Flores is probably the most common

He would sing it so softly

Ugh how much to pay the Eng VA to sing it in his voice.......i'll sell my kidney for it--

He likes listening to MC sing too btw, sometimes will join in for a duet

I think lovely by Billie Eilish ft Khalid would be a good match idk i'm mentally ill okay

MC once said Artsy Birb looks like Psyduck

And probably made him an Artsy Psyduck

That's hilarious to me idk

Nicknames to him include: Raf, Rafa, Fishie, Jellyfishie, Angelfish

MC peobably asks him to tell them stories about Lemuria to fall asleep to

He indulges every time

Is also slowly teaching them Lemurian and Sea Creature languages

Is very surprised when MC brings up a word in Lemurian he hasn't taught them

Probably tears up a little but shrugs it off with his antics

Oh and him and Sylus? Most likely to silent (but happily) cry when you walk down the isle

Very surprised if he finds out the extent of MC's "seafood" safe foods are fish sticks

"Fish sticks aren't seafood, my beloved..." "Wdym they aren't??? They're fish???"

Songs i associate with Rafayel via my playlist: Burn - The KingDom, Suzume - RADWIMPS ft Toaka, Sea - BTS, Black Swan - BTS, Can't Get You Out Of My Mind - Dreamcatcher, Bonvoyage (Farewell Ver) - Dreamcatcher

🐦‍⬛ Sylus 🐦‍⬛

Nicknames MC gave Sylus: Charizard, Toothless, Lord Faul (he did not understand that one, but lovingly and willingly heard MC out with their info dump on Dragon's Keep), My Dragon (he may have teared up a little. Just a bit), My Crow

Despite being a literal gang leader in a lawless land of sorts, he is the safest place you will ever know

Constantly fights MC on whether or not they can be spoiled

Bonus if MC argues because they have grown up pinching pennies/in rough times and hate the feeling because they feel like they owe the person now

"No Sylus, please, I can't allow you to do this--" "MC it's a $20 necklace that you've been staring at longingly for 6 months, please let me buy you it--" "NO I REFUSE TO ALLOW IT"

It was bought for them lmfao

Would absolutely....take care of any problems you face in terms of toxic friends or family members

I mean any of the LIs would but Sylus, Rafayel, and Caleb i feel would be the ones to take it to the extremes iykyk

"Kitten, is your sibling putting you down again?" "Yes, but you don't need to worry about it, I'm cutting them off--" "Are you sure you don't want me to take care of them?" "Sylus no-"

Realizes pretty quickly that MC age regresses due to repressed traumas and easily steps up to the plate of caregiver

When i say this man is the softest dragon alive to tiny space MC, i mean it

Melts when Age Regressed!MC colors in a Toothless coloring page with black and red and says it's Sylus

Caregiver!Sylus is called Papa Dragon, Sylus calls Age Regressed!MC his little one/tiny dove

Makes sure Age Regressed!MC is comfy, safe, happy, and warm and does everything to make sure they know this

If it lasts longer than a day, he makes sure to tuck them in and kiss their forehead gently

Maybe hums a song or two

Age Regressed!MC teases he's offkey the first couple times, but he's genuinely trying!!!

Always sings the lullaby Past!MC sang him, but never finishes it

Age Regressed!MC is asleep by then anyways

I'm not sure how his Evol would show in his extreme emotions. I presume energy flakes would float around him when he's happy, maybe the linkage glows brightly? I know when he's angry...ooh that shit snaps your neck quicker than you can think, upset/hurt? Questionable. Energy is strange idk--

He's a dragon. He purrs. It sounds like a demonic cat. It's soothing do not look at me like that--

He likes curing around MC and resting against their chest and purrs happily. If he had his dragon tail, it'd be wrapped around their leg softly

Sylus watches over MC at night. There's really no reason to, honestly, but because he's nocturnal and MC kinda isn't most times, he takes the time fully appreciating how at peace MC looks, seeing all the finer details of their face. How their lashes brush against their cheeks, how their hair falls in front of their face (if they have long hair, at least), how softly they breathe, etc

It's enough to make a grown dragon cry

Def often gives his chef a day off so he can cook for MC

MC always comes up and tries to jab him like his myth but he always catches them

Cue instant backhug

Very domestic husband coded oh my gods

Actually chuckled when MC brought home the Grumpy Crow plushie he won in the crane machine for them and instantly put them on the nightstand next to their side

"He needs to help Mephisto keep watch"

Speaking of Mephisto, him and MC def have a sorta sibling relationship where they wanna kill each other but also would kill someone if you fuck with the other

Luke and Kieran are def besties with MC and absolutely adore them

How could they not? They make the boss happy and he actually kinda smiles!

Luke, Kieran, and MC def have gossip time and shit talk about different celebrity/influencer news

Bonus if MC is latino/latina and calls it Chisme

Shit gets MESSY

MC insisted they all have a blanket fort movie marathon and watched all 3 Sonic Movies. Sylus enjoyed it and relates to Shadow a bit too much LMFAO

MC pranked Luke and Kieran once by putting cutesy stickers on their masks. They have spares imo, but they keep the ones with the stickers put up in special places so the stickers never get ruined when they're out working for Sylus

Once, Sylus came home to see the twins and MC in a cuddle pile with Mephisto resting on top, all sleeping peacefully. He may have snuck a photo.

Loves to put on his vinyls and slow dance with MC, it's a great bonding experience

He probably also asks MC to sing for him sometimes, like he knows they don't remember but he also Likes Their Voice So Much

Sylus' love languages are Acts of Service, Gift Giving, and Words of Affirmation

Songs i associate with Sylus via my playlist: Take Me Back to Eden - Sleep Token, Monster - Meg and Dia, Cure - AKUGETSU, Park Byeong Hoon (yes Round 6 Alien Stage Song shut up), Black Sorrow - Park Byeong Hoon, Gone - BANG&JUNG&YOO&MOON (aka B.A.P to me), 1004 (Angel) - B.A.P, Bleeders - Black Veil Brides

🍎 Caleb 🍎

Has a box full of gifts and trinkets MC has given him over the years

Probably has kept one of their old plushies that they outgrew/forgot as a reminder of MC

Also domestic husband!! Refuses to let MC do shit. MC argues playfully then gives up

They cook together, CALEB'S the one giving backhugs while MC cooks

He's also the reason they know how to cook

Secretly jealous of any and all classmates that had a crush on MC/asked them out

Used to help MC choose their outfits for different occassions

Him and MC learned the choreo for the Chopstick Brothers' Little Apple because MC said it reminded them of Caleb

They end up collapsing after and laughing

Caleb is a HUGE Mario Kart/Super Smash Bros player and gets super competitive with MC

I'm talking literal fist fights over it don't @ me

He cares for any bruises and wounds caused by it though

And kisses them better

MC is shit terrified of storms and he always is there, arms open, knowing their anxiety spikes even with the chip in his head

Has his hands over their ears to help muffle the thunder

This nerd probably got his ass handed to him in his younger years protecting MC, long before buff DAA Pilot/Colonel of Farspace, and probably worked out to help defend them better

Idk why but he feels like he'd secretly love anime/Kpop/Jpop/Romcoms

Just a fuckin nerd

Also a Girl Group stan. Likes Kara, 2NE1, Twice, T-Ara, Aespa, Le Sserafim, Illit, Itzy, etc etc you get my point

Absolutely knows about the other 4, his reactions to them are vastly diff though

Xavier and Caleb would have a jealousy off, should they somehow end up alone together. Both of them are possessive men, one would stalk the other and the other would hold his blade to his throat and tell him he does not care whether him and MC were raised together, stay the hell away. It's very tense

Zayne and Caleb obviously have known each other since childhood, but Zayne has absolutely no idea what Caleb has done nor the effects of the chip. He does notice small things, like how Caleb will glare at him while MC isn't looking, the slightly possessive arm wrap, the way Caleb leans closer when all 3 are out and about. Zayne doesn't do much though, at least not super obvious. He'll make it a slight competition, making sure MC's okay, telling Caleb it's fine because "MC is his patient, they're taken care of", making sure MC is eating well, his sentences losing the usual monotone tinge it has to show teasing, almost amusement at Caleb's antics. If Zayne knew though...oh, all hell would break loose and i'm sure we'd have a Dawnbreaker incident

Rafayel and Caleb would have the most explosive fights i think, not around MC though. Never around MC. Lots of arguing, Rafayel putting his daggers to Caleb's throat, Caleb pressing his military pistols to Rafayel's head, the both of them grinning like mad men. Viscious words being thrown around, threats being done. Words like "my beloved bride" and "I'm their protector" are used constantly. At the end of it all, they probably both pout when MC is around, leaving them confused because what the fuck just happened??? Hello???

Sylus probably doesn't give him much of any fight, just using half truths and sly, sarcastic comments to get under Caleb's skin. He knows Caleb knows that MC stayed with him in the N109 Zone, he's well aware Caleb knows of the warning he gave them about family being the biggest betrayal, and he uses it to his advantage. Caleb gets easily frustrated and pissed off, Sylus' words affecting him a lot, but he's perfected the art of hiding his emotions over the years, so the only way you know of this is the fire in Caleb's eyes

His Evol when he feels extreme emotions is also hard to pin down for how it activates. I'd like to think when he's happy, he himself floats, maybe MC if it happens to be a hug or kiss from them, not too high though. Or when he's angry, stuff gets thrown to a wall. Not sure about sadness/upset/hurt though...

His love language has all of em, but I think the main big one is Acts of Service and Quality Time

I feel like in their middle/high school days he tried to ask MC out for a school dance a la prom or smth similar and MC, not knowing much better, took it as a "my gege is gonna be my date because i have no one else, how sweet <3"

I wanna say MC probably also realized around middle/high school days that they had feelings for him, but never said anything due to fear of rejection or ruining the closeness

Likely they were both each other's firsts this lifetime. First kiss, first date, etc

Pre-Adoption!Caleb probably tried to fight the scientists and doctors that would experiment on him and kill MC over and over but he couldn't do a thing, being such a young child

Song(s) that remind me of Caleb via my Playlist: 0X1=Lovesong (I Know I Love You) - Tomorrow x Together, My Clematis - Rubyeye, C!naH, Paranoia - Kang Daniel, Sandcastle - The KingDom, Cyberpunk - Ateez, Breaking Out - Dreamcatcher, Don't Leave Me - BTS, Error - VIXX

Nicknames from MC: Applejack, Captain, Big Bro (when they were younger, used sarcastically in Present Day), CaBOOM (used very rarely and very sarcastically)

I hope you guys enjoyed it! All borders are from @thecutestgrotto :)

I probably would never do this again lmfao--this took so long and is super self indulgent i am so sorry

[imaginethezeldaverse]

The Desert's Moon (Ganondorf x Reader) (NSFW)

Welcome, welcome to the 100 follower fic I set all those polls for! You all chose and waited so patiently, so please allow me to give you the winner: a good fic with our big bad guy, Ganondorf (Tears of the Kingdom version). This will be nsfw, and just to be safe, be wary of any spoilers below the cut, okay? For this fic I'm running with an idea that was dropped in my inbox - initially I had planned to make it a simple headcanon post, but since he won, I'm writing it as a full blown fic instead. Thank you all for voting, it sincerely means a lot, I cannot believe even more of you have followed me since then. The comments and appreciation from you all truly makes my day. 🥹 As for the theme: you are inexperienced (we'll even say virginal) and Ganondorf here is going to be your first. Let's explore that together, shall we? Reader is gender neutral for all to enjoy. I sniped some fictional Gerudo language from here because I mean Ganondorf is a Gerudo man...he definitely should be able to speak the language.

Ganondorf is intimidating, this much is true. His demeanor exudes power in all things he does: fight, lead, and even fuck. He's had many a partner, his skills as a lover growing with each encounter of his past. He is not unfamiliar with experienced partners - and he will show you the patience and slowness you deserve.

The key is for you to be honest with him. Should you try to front as though you are experienced in sex, just know that he can see right through you. Ganondorf's read on body language is exceptional - so the slight shake in your body or the quiver in your voice is an immediate alert to him that you aren't what you're trying to portray yourself as. To your benefit however, he'll most likely find this cute. You attempting to be brave and take him head on is adorable, even though you have no idea what you'd be getting into (or really what would be getting into you). Being upfront however is not without its loss - you'd gain his respect and potentially a chance to call him an equal, he likes the idea of a long-term partner who can be honest with themselves as well as him.

For a man of his size and status, he's quite gentle. He offers to hold you first in your nudity, get you used to feeling his body against yours. Ganondorf will most likely seat you in his lap, with your legs splayed open over the length of his hips and thighs. Should you shy away or find yourself embarrassed by the less than polite way you're sat on him, he'll simply chuckle, reiterating that this is to acclimate you. His hands will find a place on your thighs, unmoving, but present. "Touch me anywhere you'd like," he offers, the rich amber of his eyes meeting your own. Setting the pace in your favor will help ease some of your apprehension. Your hands explore the planes of his body: his adept, powerful hands; the sizable, muscular curvatures of his forearms and biceps; over the thickened bands of his shoulders and down to the broad expanse of his chest. He's a mountainous man in size and that alone has you a tiny bit afraid, but you also can't deny that being able to trace your fingertips over the patterned tattoos that stretch across his muscles doesn't elate you.

When your hands finally cup the wide angles of his jaw, you find the pluck to once more lock eyes with the Gerudo chief. There's something unreadable swimming in them: whether it's tenderness or restraint you aren't wholly sure. His arm wraps around your lower back, bring you ever closer to him in a swift push. Your hands remain on his face, lips inching closer. Ganondorf doesn't kiss you. No, he wants you to be the one to take the honor of taking the first step. The world talks of his lust and greed for power, and make no mistake, the rumors are very much true. But this - intimacy with you - Ganondorf knows better than to rush. Taking you by force serves him little, and there is humanity in him still that bars him from wanting any harm to come to you. To feel your body yearn for him willingly only makes that much sweeter. Your breaths mingle momentarily, your heart pounding in your chest until you finally take the plunge and seal the gap. You're chaste in your kiss, timidity holding your tongue. No matter, the sensation of his thick digits roaming over the curve of your ass has you gasping enough against his mouth for him to coax you into a deeper kiss. Unbeknownst to you, your head tilts naturally, angling so that you can continue the kiss comfortably. You let go of his face, your fingers sliding into his long vermillion locks. There's a sound vibrating at the back of his throat that hits your ears so pleasantly - the simple soothing sensation of your hands in his hair delights him, so naturally he wants you to know it. The kiss builds heat, your body slowly beginning to want his hands to move beyond your backside. You lean into him, pressing your chest to his and linking your arms around his neck. The smile that curls his lips upward is something you can feel, and you almost smile back - but his hands that have now occupied a space on your hips are dragging your body over his lap. Ganondorf parts from your mouth, watching you bite your lip as he slowly grinds you over what you realize is his length beginning to grow rigid beneath you. Breaths slowly starting to come in shudders you snap your eyes shut, focusing on how his length slides teasingly over where you biologically know he's going to be soon enough.

"Do you feel me?" he purrs, dark tiger eyes trained on your flushed features, "Do you feel my want for you? My desire?" Your thighs are seeking one another to lock this feeling between them, but his hulking mass keeps them widely separated - your center at the mercy of his ministrations. Seeking purchase, your nails dig into his shoulders, earning a pleased rumble from the man. His lips find the hollow of your throat, easing pointed kisses and gentle bites to your sensitive flesh. Soft moans sound angelic to Ganondorf's ears; with ease he lifts you into his arms, your legs still very much wrapped as best as possible around his torso. Smooth, crimson silks caress your back as you're laid across the stretch of his bed. He doesn't stop kissing your body, only proceeds to move down it. Your collarbone, your nipples, the softness of your stomach: all places his lips tease and touch. He drinks your whines and whimpers in as though starving, an innate need to hear your voice call out to him ever growing. Still, he keeps slow. Rough finger pads glide down your body, stroking and fondling a pathway until he settles on his knees, with your legs splayed open by the sheer width of him. Those kisses that traveled now dot their way from your knee and inward. Your breath hitches, you know where he's going...you desperately want him there. As he reaches closer and closer, you shudder out, "P-Please...Gan..." Those initially amber slits, now ochre with hunger, slide up to see your face. Your cheeks are stained with reddish hues with your chest rising and falling faster than before.

"Is there something you need?" the timbre in his voice makes somewhere your stomach clench. How is it just his voice makes you feel this way? What kind of spell has he cast on you? Though your mind tries to wrack itself with answers, it always circles back to the lips that are nipping at your inner thighs. He places a kiss just close enough for you to feel his breath over your sex and you swallow thick with the gasp that tries to free itself.

"Your...mouth..." says you in a shaky whine, "Please..."

Like satin and fire, his chuckle is both suave but with the promise of something vile. A strong grip parts your legs further, holding you wide open. You try desperately not to look at how he drinks your nudeness in, fearing that you seeing the sheer lust flashing across his strong features will have you curl into yourself.

His mouth descends.

You gasp sharply.

Hot and wet is his tongue against your opening, circling your responsive flesh, his eyes never leaving your face. Ganondorf watches on as his silver tongue devours you, each lap and suck at you surging pleasure through your limbs. With one last scoop at your hole, he drew back. There was a question at your lips when you felt him retreat, but before you could even get a word out, you felt his finger carefully slide into you.

"A-Ah!" you mewled, then hissed. Given the size of him overall, even his fingers were substantial in filling you somewhat.

"Shhhhh," Ganondorf hushed your seizing frame. A hand came to your thigh, his thumb stroking in soothing circles the same time his opposite finger exited you, "Relax, my va'ina, you'll need to be much more open if you plan to take me." Your body shudders as you breathe, willing yourself to relax yourself in his ministrations. Having already gave you some slickness there, his finger meets less resistance than normal. His eyes roam your figure slowly, watching all of the small shivers and shakes that begin to build as his digit steadily works in and out of you. A spark of want pulses up your hips, with each coax of his finger you felt tiny rivulets of desire multiply inside you.

"Ganondorf..." came your gentle plea. This feeling was slowly starting to feel inadequate, your hips moving ever so slightly to try and chase the sensation of fullness. Chuckling at your urgency, the Gerudo chieftain withdraws his finger - adding another and sliding back into you. Eyelashes aflutter, you mewl at the sensation of being filled once more.

"There we are," he mused, smirking at the way you're snatching your bottom lip between your teeth. Gradually his fingers stretched you open, separating minutely as he fed your body each stroke. As soon as you had acclimated, you found yourself once again needing more. His hand, though making you feel good, was simply proving not to be enough. Ganondorf recognizes this as your features scrunch with some frustration. You need him, don't you? You need more than just two measly fingers to give you the passion that you seek.

"Your body seeks more than my current attentions I see," he says matter-of-factly, withdrawing his now very wet digits.

You turn your head away to blush, being read like an open book made your body burn with some embarrassment. Yet Ganondorf understood. He lifts your leg by your calf, pressing a kiss into the muscle there. "No worry, I'll give you everything you seek." He sits upright now, towering over your supine frame, a hand at each of your knees. You know what comes next, and though you tremble under him, there's a fire in those eyes of his that keeps you brave. Fingers descend upon his. He catches your gaze, doe-like and nervous, but no sign of withdrawal within them.

"You'll go slow, won't you?" you ask him, your heart mere seconds away from jumping out of your chest. There's an expectation for him to laugh at such an innocent, if not naïve question - but he surprises you when his hand takes your chin between two large fingers and keeps your eyes to his. Softness unlike you've ever seen in him stares back at you. "I wouldn't dream of bringing you harm, va'ina, you're safe with me." His words bring you comfort, allowing you shut your eyes in readied bliss. To reflect this, you spread your legs further apart, "Then I am yours, Ganondorf."

His lips find yours, hungry in its kiss. As his tongue melds against yours, he slips a hand down to grasp himself. You feel the slight shift of his body on yours, strong thighs flush to the backs of yours. He parts from the kiss, though his face remains close, "Ready?" Unable to trust your voice, you simply nod. His muscular frame surrounds your body, encasing you in his warmth. With your hands braced on his shoulders, you inhale sharply when he presses into you. Considerable length and girth stretch you far more than his fingers could even attempt. He's slow, methodical in his pace. So much so that he stops, just past the head of him, the second you tense in his arms.

"Breathe..." coaches Ganondorf, his voice showing the tiniest hint of strain. Though shaky, you try to follow his advice, and it calms your body enough for him to advance. Your mouth drops open from the pressure, hands gripping his shoulders for purchase as another inch fills you. The man above pecks loving kisses to your face as he sneaks a hand downward. He revels in the pleased gasp you let out when his fingers stroke your sex, "That's it...open up for me..." With him steadily plunging into your depths and the deliberate tease of his hand at your most sensitive area, you recognize that same spark from earlier.

Want. Need.

He slides in further still, about at halfway down the whole of him now. His hand doesn't relent on your flesh, easing over you with the intent to build the ecstasy he knows you're absentmindedly chasing. Ganondorf has every intention to bring you to rapture, but again - at your pace. There's a tremor in your thighs that shakes against his hips, he gives you more of him; but the noise you let out this time is a moan muffled only by the barrier of your bitten lip. He grins at this, supply your body with just a bit more. No reaction this time - you were getting used to him. His fingers stroke you for a few more counts, this being just enough for you to take him all the way to the hilt. You keen slightly, so impossibly full and almost dizzy from how overwhelmingly large he feels inside of you.

"Stay with me, love" he whispers, his opposite thumb stroking your cheek. The deep octave of his voice and the tender caress soothe you enough to lean into his touch. Ganondorf captures your lips once more, this kiss slower than the last. His hips remain still though his tongue ravages your mouth, and it pulls a licentious moan from you; the knowledge of him locked deep inside you as he kisses you so fervently has you yearning for what you know you want most. His mouth moves into your neck, and without hesitation your fingers bury into his fiery mane. There's a slight withdrawal of his hips, and you welcome the feeling now, the minor shift of friction feeding into a feeling at the most basic level of your instincts.

"More," your quivered voice speaks in his ear, "P-Please."

He's touched at your politeness, though it's unnecessary. You are a being to be worshipped in this regard, though you didn't realize it, you would never need to beg from him. Touching his forehead to your own, Ganondorf rumbles deep in his chest, pulling almost all of the way out of you before sliding all the way back in. "Nnngh, yes..." Ah, all he needed to hear. Adept hands place themselves at two points: a fist near your head for steadying, and a hand bracing underneath your back to keep you there. Leisurely, shallow thrusts easily evolved into deep, harder strokes. Your body would transform - blossom from tightly wound and tense to fully open and wanting.

The Gerudo male knows you're fully spellbound by your lovemaking when your nails begin to bite into the muscle of his shoulder blades - a most welcome pinch of pain. He's fully working you into you now, his hips immovable pistons to fuck you fully now. Your sweet and soft moans were climbing in crescendo, his name tumbling in slurred syllables off your honey covered tongue. Unable to stop himself now, Ganondorf growled into the junction of your neck and shoulder, pulling your body as flush to him as he could.

"Ah, ohh, mmf! Ahhhh G-Gan," you whined, clinging to him, "My body's on fire...I nghh I...!"

He feels you tightening around him, his pants are harsh as they dampen your skin, "Let it happen...let me have all of you." With only a few strokes of him you fall apart in a scream, your body winding up impossibly tight and then loosening entirely. The orgasmic pulse of your slickness around him milks him with an ungodly grip. He fucks you as fast as your body will allow, a few resounding claps against your flesh combining with the cries of your slight overstimulation that finally bring him to his own end. His strong fingers dig into you as he cums, hot and fast, in a wildly indecent roar. Your hands hold him in his place on your body, welcoming every drop of the licentious liquid that he spills inside of you. His hips begin to slow, still sliding in and out of your now sopping hole, and though you were already long finished, you moan at the sensation of his cock pulsing and feeding your body even now.

When he finally can take no more, he pulls from you entirely in a rough grunt. You feel the weeping of his seed from your entrance, but you are far too exhausted to care. Your body hums in pleasured bliss, but your limbs, so worn from a use you'd yet to experience until today, feel akin to lead. Never an issue, however, as Ganondorf carefully maneuvers you both so you can rest comfortably: with you at his side. His fingers traced the curves and lines of your body in silence, your hand and head rest at his chest.

"Gan...?" your voice barely above a whisper.

His eyes lazily move to you. Your heart flutters with candid bravery, "...I love you."

He smiles at this. Fitting words for a connection as deep as this. His hand covers your head, pressing you closer to his chest in a protective maneuver. Ganondorf is anything but vulnerable...but even a man as mighty as he isn't incapable of feeling.

"You have my heart, va'ina. You are mine as I am yours."

You hum contentedly, happy to fall asleep in the arms of the man who loved you.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapter 14

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

No Laurent. All signs of recent occupancy had been a handspan away from his own body, suggesting a night spent in close but not transgressive proximity: some kind of self-preservation had apparently prevented Damen from rolling inward during the night; from throwing his arm over Laurent’s torso and drawing them together to make the small tent seem larger than it was. As a result, Damen was in possession of all his limbs, and even had his clothing restored to him. Thank you, Laurent.

The embroidery came later, in the retelling, as the story was told again and again by the men, taking on its own character as it passed over camp. The Prince had ridden out, with only one soldier. Deep in the mountains, he had chased down the rats responsible for these killings. Had ripped them out of their hiding holes and fought them, thirty to one, at least. Had brought them back thrashed, lashed and subdued. That was their Prince for you, a twisty, vicious fiend who you should never, ever cross, unless you wanted your gullet handed to you on a platter. Why, he once rode a horse to death just to beat Torveld of Patras to the mark.

like how this ironic misunderstanding of the events is similar to how damen viewed laurent in book 1 and some of book 2. except now he gets the irony

He looked at Laurent’s tent of silks, the pennants unfurled in the breeze, their starbursts undulating. The distant voices of the men swelled briefly, then dropped away. It would not be like this. It would be a systematic campaign moving southwards towards Ios, building on the support he had from the kyroi factions. He would not be stealing out of camp at night to spin mad plans, to dress in unfamiliar clothes and forge alliances with rogue clans, or to fight alongside pony-riding warriors, capturing bandits improbably in the mountains. It would not be like this again.

:(

‘Keep the prisoners alive, keep the women on side, keep my men from the women,’ said Laurent, as though reciting from a checklist. ‘Come over here and talk geography.’ He came as he was bid, and took a seat opposite Laurent, across the map.

they’re so cute i can’t stand them. “come over here and talk geography” SHUT UP

Laurent did not tend to show any of the usual outward signs of fatigue. The control that he asserted and maintained over the troop was an extension of the control with which he ruled himself. A few tells existed. The words, perhaps.

“the words, perhaps” is such a funny line here. because like yeah no shit, but also how is damen supposed to know when laurent’s words actually reflect his true feelings?

Instinctively, Damen brought his hand up to squeeze Laurent’s shoulder gently—and then stopped. Laurent went very still, as Damen became aware of what he had just done, and that his grip was still on Laurent’s shoulder. He felt the locked muscles like hard wood beneath his hand. ‘Stiff?’ said Damen, casually. ‘A little,’ said Laurent, after a moment in which Damen’s heart knocked twice against the inside of his chest.

one thing i really appreciate about capri is the way that laurent is written, as a character with trauma/baggage who experiences intimacy in a way you wouldn’t expect from the love interest in a romance novel. he doesn’t make anything easy, for himself or for damen. his physical and mental reactions to things are very telling and consistent, and i appreciate pacat’s commitment to honoring that aspect of the character. that way it’s so much more rewarding when we finally see laurent let go of control and experience love that doesn’t hurt him.

i won’t do an official count for “laurent intimacy issues,” since it’s not nearly as clear-cut as “laurent leans,” but if there’s something that strikes this chord with me, i do want to make note of it. just… stuff that i personally appreciate, especially from a love interest in a romance novel, whose whole narrative job—one would expect—is to love the protagonist and have hot sex. but sensitive and traumatized people deserve love and intimacy, too, at their own pace and on their own terms. and laurent has a lot more going on than what damen perceives, or what the romance genre dictates. it’s nice to point out little moments where his issues affect his physical and emotional reactions, because it’s nice to know that those moments 1) exist and 2) don’t make him any less of a romantic lead.

He applied a gentle pressure with his thumbs. He said, ‘You brought me ice, last night.’ ‘This,’ said Laurent, ‘is a little more—’ It was a word of sharp points: ‘—intimate,’ he said, ‘than ice.’ ‘Too intimate?’ Damen said. Slowly, he was kneading Laurent’s shoulders. He did not usually think of himself as someone with suicidal impulses. Laurent did not relax at all, just stood unmoving. And then, at the apsis of his thumbs, a muscle shifted beneath pressure, unlocking a sequence all the way down Laurent’s back. Laurent said, unwillingly, ‘I . . . There.’ ‘Here?’ ‘Yes.’

a lot going on here! made even more complicated by damen’s pov!

damen takes physical intimacy much less seriously than laurent. prior to book 1, he has always enjoyed willing and enthusiastic partners (some of whom were conditioned into that enthusiasm, but we’ll deal with that later), and to him, sex is not a means of abuse or power. prior to book 1, intimacy was never used to disempower damen. laurent, obviously, is very different. pretty much all he knows of intimacy is abuse and disempowerment.

so, being aware of laurent’s trauma and also being fairly perceptive of the signs pointing towards it, i can see here that laurent is fighting a massive battle with himself. because, like, he does want this. but he doesn’t want to want this, because this is something he doesn’t have control over. the fact that he doesn’t throw damen off, and even explicitly asks him to massage a certain spot, is a demonstration of vulnerability that damen doesn't really understand.

which isn't bad or wrong of him, at all! if he did understand more about laurent’s trauma and responses, he’d almost certainly be less confident with initiating intimacy, which is something laurent needs from a partner. it's a lot harder when they're both completely terrified (which damen is, in a different way, but lesser so.) damen is afraid that laurent will bite his head off because he’s a bitch, not because he’s traumatized. and i think that’s a good place for them to be, at this stage of their relationship.

also, the “suicidal impulses” quip is great.

He felt Laurent subtly give himself up to his hands; yet as with a man closing his eyes on the edge of a cliff, it was an act of continuous tension, not surrender.

yeah

‘Like this?’ ‘Yes.’

“he likes that. do it harder.”

Laurent’s head had dropped forward a little. Damen had no idea what he was doing. He was distantly aware that he had had his hands on Laurent’s body once before, and couldn’t believe it, because it felt so impossible now; yet that moment felt connected to this one, even if only in contrast, his current caution against the unguarded way he had let his hands slide down over Laurent’s wet skin.

damen, meanwhile, has recently developed his own intimacy issues/trauma in book 1. these two are a mess

‘Is it so hard to relax?’ said Damen, quietly.

YEAH. IT IS.

‘You only have to walk outside to see what you’ve accomplished. Those men are yours.’ He didn’t pay attention to the signs, the slight stiffening. ‘Whatever happens tomorrow, you’ve done more than anyone could—’ ‘That’s enough,’ said Laurent, pushing himself away unexpectedly.

damen he’s not stressed bc of the war stuff, he’s stressed bc another human being is showing him physical affection and he actually wants it to be happening

When Laurent turned to face him, his eyes were dark. His lips were parted uncertainly. He had lifted his hand to his own shoulder, as though chasing a ghost touch there. He did not look exactly relaxed, but the movement did look a little easier. As if realising that, Laurent said, almost awkwardly, ‘Thank you.’ And then, in wry acknowledgement: ‘Getting tied up leaves an impression. I didn’t realise being captured was so uncomfortable.’

ohhhhh my god. oh my god. so fucking real, every line is so fucking real. the relief of no longer being touched, being back in control. the fuckin, phantom touch on the shoulder—an assessment of the massage, yes, but also… whose ghost is it? damen isn’t asking that question, but i am, and it’s sad. and then the awkward thanks, and the immediate snarky comment to follow up. it’s just so real.

‘I promise I’ll never tie you to the back of a horse,’ said Laurent. There was a pause in which Laurent’s mordant gaze was on him. ‘That’s right, I’m still captured,’ said Damen.

says the protagonist of the “captive prince” series

‘Your eyes say, “For now,”’ Laurent said. ‘Your eyes have always said, “For now.”’

ohhh this line is juicy. because like, yeah, there’s the melancholy yearning context of the last 10 or so chapters, but before? when they were enemies, when laurent was actively hurting and trying to disempower damen? even then, he never showed laurent submission. and laurent clearly noticed. they make me so crazyyyy

‘If you were a pet, I would have gifted you enough by now to buy out your contract, many times over.’

this is more a flaw in my understanding of the pet system, but is he saying that he’s done damen enough favors that if the favors were monetary he could afford to pay off his contract? that’s my best understanding of the line at this point.

‘I’d still be here,’ said Damen, ‘with you. I told you that I would see this border dispute through to its finish. Do you think I’d go back on my word?’ ‘No,’ said Laurent, almost as if he was realising it for the first time.

they drive me insane. the whole “suffering alone” theme—laurent is realizing that he hasn’t been suffering alone, lately, because damen is intentionally staying by his side. laurent may be great at strategic thinking, but he is so used to being manipulated and abused that he doesn’t even consider that someone could be genuinely devoted to him, as a person.

But I know you don’t like it. I remember how much it maddened you in the palace, to be bound and powerless. I felt yesterday how badly you wanted to hit someone.

another interesting re-contextualization of book 1! although it’s not quite an apology, bc i’m sure laurent was aware of the maddening and was probably like “good. this guy killed my brother”

Damen found he’d moved without realising it, his fingers lifting to touch the bruised edge of Laurent’s jaw. He said, ‘The man who did this to you.’ The words just came out. The warmth of skin under his fingers in that moment took all his attention, before he became aware that Laurent had jerked back and was staring at him, blue eyes huge with pupil. Damen was suddenly aware of how out of control he was—he felt—and called violently on his faculties to try to put a stop to—this. ‘I’m sorry. I . . . know better than that.’

“i know better than that” is an INSANE thing for him to say here, by the way. they’re both so compelled by each other and afraid of each other. the amount of work pacat has put into their arc/characterization so far means that scenes like these can have something going on between every single line. honestly i think there’s more going on here off the page, than there is on it

‘No. Wait. I . . . wait.’ Damen stopped, and turned. Laurent’s gaze was edged with indecipherable emotion, and his jaw was set at a new angle. The silence stretched out for such a long time that the words, when they came, were a shock. ‘What Govart said about my brother and I . . . it wasn’t true.’ ‘I never thought it was,’ said Damen, uneasily. ‘I mean that whatever . . . whatever taint exists in my family, Auguste was free of it.’ ‘Taint?’

fascinated by the possible reasons for laurent to say this, in this moment. he uses it on the page to then say that damen is a good and honorable person like auguste, so that’s the easy answer. but if he was just experiencing some ptsd flashbacks, i wonder if this is also something of a grounding statement for himself. because we know who he’s referring to, when he’s talking about bad people on his family tree. it’s almost like he’s trying to figure out how to frame this situation, more for himself than damen—laurent feels protected and cared for in this moment, and the last time he allowed himself to feel that way after auguste’s death, his uncle had taken advantage. so of course he’s picturing his uncle. but this statement, a reminder to himself that damen is more like auguste than the regent, and auguste would have never done anything with laurent in the way the regent had… augh. laurent your brain.

‘I wanted to tell you that, because you,’ said Laurent, as though he was forcing the words out, ‘You remind me of him. He was the best man I have ever known. You deserve to know that, as you deserve at least a fair . . . In Arles, I treated you with malice and cruelty. I will not insult you by attempting to atone for deeds with words, but I would not treat you that way again. I was angry. Angry, that isn’t the word.’ It was bitten off; a jagged silence followed.

this is a laurent apology! no “sorry” necessary. and he’s the closest to telling damen the truth as he’s ever been, but still he stops himself. i wonder if it’s partially out of shame, for how he treated damen. a refusal to make an excuse, because he understands the cruelty of his actions regardless. and of course he has cognitive dissonance to maintain and tactical reasons for keeping the lie going. but still, this is honest.

Then, with a return to his more usual tone, ‘And you don’t need to take watch,’ said Laurent. ‘You sleep prudently.’

of course he can’t just say, like, “sleep well” or “good night.” prudently means carefully, or in good judgment… so like, he’d wake up if something dangerous happened? laurent trusts that? i can’t tell if the statement is an observation or a command. it’s either, “[i want you to] sleep mindfully” or “you sleep mindfully [so you don’t need to stay awake on watch].” hmmm

Damen searched his face, but found nothing in it that he could read, which, he supposed, as he lifted his hands to the laces of his own jacket, was typical.

buddy there is so much subtext going on here it’s okay just get some rest

[helplessautomaton]

heey, how are you? I'm happy about the event!! I'd like to request Chuuya x f!reader (or gn reader) with the prompts 10 and 5 take care of yourself and thank you in advance <3

10 ( “i..i promise there is nothing in the candy.”) + 5 (“you're my only reason im doing this”)

hi anon! doing well, i am too, im really exciting to being doing one of these and each request makes me really happy! hopefully i didnt make him too OOC, i tried my best with chuuya

-WC 770 // valentines event open!! tws: kidnapping, drugging

Slow days always seem to bother you but it was somewhat interesting today. You didn't want to push your luck with whatever and whoever, so you just choose to relax. The Port Mafia didn't take Valentine's seriously so you continued working as usual. You took your time doing paperwork, occasionally looking back at the clock. Thinking of things to do when you go home, probably treat yourself while binge watching another boring show for fun. Could go out on your own and do your ownself café date while just walking around and buying whatever catches your tastes. While in your mind-strucken daydreams a knock sounded from your door, pounding a little harder when you didn't respond the first time.

Finally snapping back, you called in whoever was knocking at your door. The door opened delicately and your higher up, Chuuya was walking into your room. You straighten up and recollect yourself in respect. Giving a smile you greet him, while nervously waiting to see what he's here for. His eyes quickly landed on you and started walking towards your desk. He was clear on what he wanted, asking you out for the evening, you squeezed your hand as you accepted his invitation. "Be there at 5 pm."

Slow days always seem to bother you, but, at least you have something to look forward to. It was still nerve-wracking since it was Chuuya of all people. Gently tapping your desk while looking at the clock. You're on friendly terms with Chuuya, talking for long periods if youre allowed. He's considerate towards you and seemingly kinder. He is always just.. there when you're around. You let these thoughts go easily, you should be getting ready after all. Putting the paperwork you've done to the side, you get up and get ready to leave, the nervousness still not leaving you. 

You tried to look your best, shaking off some self doubt, he's gonna be fine with how you look. deciding to leave just a bit early just in case of setbacks. Finally you reach the restaurant Chuuya told you about. nodding at the waiters politely when you found out Chuuya was already there. Walking towards him, his head perked up to see you, giving a gentle but anxious smile at him. He greeted you back just as politely, the date going well and you started to notice he stared for too long. The questions always led back to you. Was anyone bothering you? Has anyone hurt you? He must've also caught on about his odd questioning and cut back on it. Something was clearly off which made you start thinking back but you tried not to worry too badly. The date came to a close, but before you could get up Chuuya gently grabbed your hand. Gifting you some chocolates, they were open slightly. "My apologies, I didn't want you to struggle with opening them."

You continued onwards, the chocolates were fancy but looked normal. You started to chew and noticed the taste but you blamed it on the unfamiliar brand. However you couldn't help but ask what was in them despite your third consumption.

"I..I promise there's nothing in the candy." You froze, there was something in the candy and you could already feel the lag in your movements. Starting to panic, you tried to get up but Chuuya was already helping you up. Started shushing you while your consciousness was rapidly dwindling. 

You woke up drowsy, seeing double while moving slowly, everything was delayed. The nausea was overwhelming so you continued to try to stay still while everything swirled around you. Calming down, you noted your surroundings, you were on a bed, everything around you looked nice and expensive. "It's a precaution but I'm still sorry it had to happen this way." 

You tried to lift up your head gently to look up at the voice that spoke up. You didn't want to yell incase of feeling worse, your glare held anger and confusion. It bothered Chuuya, but he brushed it off as shock. "Look I know this is bad but-"

You didn't let him continue as you started shooting questions at him while also not letting him continue. Obviously this pissed him off a little, "you're my only reason im doing this!, I hate seeing you getting hurt so now you belong here."

His tone was firm yet he held back from yelling, it still got you to quiet down. The hatred in your eyes was still sharp, you did start calming down then the realization dawned on you. There's a good chance you weren't gonna leave this place.

[stupidlittlespirit]

Hey, are there any Gravity Falls fics or other fandoms that you like and that motivate you to write? Actually, we can also add all literature to this question. If your writing style is this good, im sure i can blindly trust your taste in books

Thank you!

I actually don't read many fics anymore and I have to actively avoid a lot of GF fics because they're so fucking SAD, dude?! I have a difficult sibling relationship and my life has been/is very similar to Stan and Ford's (unfortunately), so it can be tough on me to read fics with that kind of content, which is really a shame because I feel like I miss out on a lot.

It's quite comical to be honest, I think it's very funny that I love this show so much because it resonates so heavily and runs so scarily adjacent to my experiences but also hate it for those same reasons.

Wonderfully ironic!

I used to read fics a LOT and I was massive into X-Men when I was younger. I would seriously say that shipping Cherik and reading the absolute all-you-can-eat BUFFET of fics for them is why I write so avidly now. There are literally tens of thousands of fics for them and I used to spend hours reading them as a kid until the early AM because so many of them are true novels in their own right. I write now because I hope I give someone else the same fun feelings I got from them and I treasure their memory. Check out stuff from ikeracity, clocks, kageillusionz, thehoyden and those kinds of guys. They were the 'high rollers' to me as a kid in terms of fic writing ability. I hope they're well, wherever they are, I owe them a lot.

Anyways, I am reading a lovely fic right now (stan x reader) called Crash into Me by dog_eyes on ao3 and it's great. I really like their Reader character and they write Stan wonderfully.

I also enjoyed Base12's Ford x reader fic, Night in the Woods. I would say it's possibly more OC x Ford but it uses 'you' so it counts. Very fun fic.

There are tons of great fics for both Ford and Stan, but I'm blanking on them totally because other than the Stan fic I haven't been reading much as I've been doing my own writing!

In terms of other literature, House of Leaves is one I always recommend. If you can stretch to the cost of it, get the 'full colour' edition. Get ready to sprain your wrists turning it around! Alex said he actually wanted TBoB to be like HoL in that sense but Disney wouldn't spring for the cost haha. Would have been cool.

I just ordered the Parabooks SCP Journals too, which I'm excited to get. They're expensive but they're SCP files with art and stuff and they look amazing. I'll post some images of them when they arrive.

I love Grady Hendrix's My Best Friend's Exorcism. I read it when I was younger and it reminds me of my best friend. It's very good (don't watch the movie, it was ass) and emotional, and it made an impression on me. His other stuff is okay but I love that one.

Would recommend the Welcome to Nightvale books. The podcasts, if you're unfamiliar with them, are truly some of the best content out there in terms of unique, creepy stories. I used to listen to them until I was on the cusp of falling asleep and would get weird dreams from them haha. They're all free on youtube I believe.

Also, the Murakami novels I've tried were good. I've only read Audition and Coin Locker Babies so far but I thought they were nice. Weird but good.

[agentcricket-art]

cricket || she/they || emilyec.art@gmail.com || ♎ sept. 24th || 21+ || 🖤🤍💜

henlo welcome to my art blog. it's also a side blog so if you get a like or a follow from @capriciousfelis that's my main. i draw a variety of stuff, but mostly i hover around dnd and anime content. if you repost my art or try to use it for some ai bullshit i am going to hunt you for sport. i try to keep a consistent queue going, so in theory if your dash isn't too active you should see about 5-7 posts from me a day. links and tags and things listed down below. thanks for stopping by 🫡

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the art shop is currently under construction but as soon as it's ready to roll, don't worry, you Will hear about it.

here are some tags i frequently use, and what they are in case you're unfamiliar with them. feel free to block any of them if they're not the vibe ✌️

anime || the generic anime tag for whenever i make anime fanart or posts. i like a lot of animes. chirp chirp || my yapping tag. if you're here just for the art block this one. critical role || i haven't drawn any fanart for this dnd show in awhile, but i did draw A lot of it so feel free to peruse the backlog. delete || this tag is for the recycled queue posts. i want the blog to be active with posts, but also i'd die if i had to crank out a piece of art every day. so i reblog my old art and then delete it every now and again so when people visit the blog it's only new and fresh stuff. dimension 20 || another dnd show that i'm rather inactive in. but again, there's some good art in that tag. dnd || the dungeons and dragons tag. all encompassing, like the anime one. it's mostly my irl campaign these days though drawtectives || the murder mystery series by the drawfee youtube crew. the 3rd season is currently airing and i highly recommend it. faq || there is currently 1 (one) post in there but it's a question a lot of folks have so ice breakers || the name of the party of my irl dnd campaign! they're idiots! jack harrison || my bunny boy bard from said irl campaign! much content in this tag lupita || my monster prom oc monster prom || the monster dating sim game by beautiful glitch. it is very good my art || the general tag for all of my art. it's all in here buddy. not art || reblogged text posts go in here if i feel they fit the vibe of an oc. block this one too if you're here strictly for art old art || art from old sideblogs or my main blog because i wanted them all in one spot and so now they're here. rotten luck || the ship name for my bunny boy bard and his love interest in the campaign. taz || again, a bit of an inactive tag, but i used to do a lot of fanart for the dnd podcast the adventure zone trigun || i will highligt this one specific anime simply because i am. Obsessed. Season two coming soon let's goooooooooo vash the stampede || the main guy from trigun. rrotating him in my mind warriors || you ever walk around a library and see a large section full of books covered in cats? that's them whimsy || my baldur's gate 3 character. i need to draw them more :pensive: wick || the love interest from the irl dnd campaign! he's cringefail but also so so tragic, the perfect combo wip || work in progress. sketches and things, you know the drill.

[entertext]

HGSN 21-1

Chapter (Japanese)

(Please hit the green thumbs up at the end of the chapter to show support)

Rough translation by me

P1

(sfx: cicada calls: kumazemi)

(sfx: cicada calls: higurashi)

P2

(txt: smaller grave marker labeled "Caw-tarou" in childish handwriting)

(txt: bread wrapper labeled "Cream pan")

Yoshiki: Sorry this is all there is

Yoshiki: As long as he's around, no one will hold a funeral for you...

P3

Yoshiki: But, if he's here, I can go without forgetting you, so I'm glad

Yoshiki: 'cause that's...what scares me...the most...

Hikaru: Whoa

Hikaru: So you were here? Brings me back...

Hikaru: We used to always play here back then right?

Hikaru: Ah, look at this

P4

(txt: "Start→" written in childish handwriting)

Hikaru: The Super Maruo stage I made. The one you played with your finger while making "pwing" noises and stuff.

Yoshiki: Yeah

Hikaru: ...

P5

Hikaru: Hey...what are the differences between me and Hikaru?

Yoshiki: You're completely different...

Yoshiki: He'd read the room more than you do, he was more mature...

Yoshiki: And he was harder to understand

Yoshiki: He was more of a rascal. He'd tell lies, and he could be pretty wily.

Yoshiki: And...

Yoshiki: he'll definitely never come back. So you're different.

Hikaru: ...

Hikaru: ...did you 'like' him?

P6

Yoshiki: ...why?

Hikaru: No...it's nothing, just...

Hikaru: 'cause

Hikaru: Before, you looked away after seeing my bare chest...

Hikaru: And like...

Hikaru: I was just wondering... why...

Yoshiki: ...I don't want to say

Hikaru: ...why?

P7

Yoshiki: ...Now, even if I look at your body, I don't feel anything in particular anymore

Yoshiki: ...And also...when it comes to these feelings

Yoshiki: I think its fine if you don't understand them

P8

Hikaru: ...what's with that?

Hikaru: ...It's true that they're...not something I have. Those feelings...

Hikaru: Compared to humans, on a fundamental level,

Hikaru: I'm totally different, I guess

Yoshiki: There are things we have that only we have

Yoshiki: Also...

Yoshiki: You don't need to turn into a human or anything

P9

Hikaru: Huh..?

Yoshiki: In fact, please don't ever become anything like a human

(sfx: grab)

Hikaru: Hey!

Hikaru: Sure...?

P10

Yoshiki: (He's a being different from us in every way)

Yoshiki: (There's no way we could come to terms with each other on every point)

Yoshiki (That said, given that he's here)

Yoshiki: (it still doesn't make it okay for him to kill people, but...)

Yoshiki: (Rather than forcing him to fit in with humans)

Yoshiki: (if there was a place where he could live as himself instead...)

P11

Yoshiki: (For that, I'd...)

Yoshiki: (give everything...)

(sfx: cicada calls: kumazemi)

(sfx: cicada calls: higurashi)

--

(sfx: marker on paper)

==

Next chapter: 2023/09/19

Twitter Extras (link):

'Hikaru's vocabulary is limited, so he'll say "like", but it differs from what humans mean by "like".

Why do dogs dig holes?

Why do cats sharpen their claws?

Just as humans can't understand these intrinsically, 'Hikaru's "like" may also not be understandable to humans.

==

T/N:

Regarding the cicada sounds in Japanese:

- Up until now, cicadas cries in HGSN have been represented with the sound "shawa shawa shawa"

- This is likely to represent the cry of the kumazemi (Cryptotympana facilis) which is very common in Western Japan and associated with summer: video sample

- In this chapter although there are still some "shawa shawa shawa" cries in the background, the largest cries are "kana kana kana" instead

- This is likely to represent the cry of the higurashi (Tanna japonensis) which is associated with late summer/autumn, and is thought to have a melancholy or lonely sound: video sample

By the way, in the final frame, we can see the word Nounuki partially obscured and the name Matsuyama, as well as an unfamiliar proper noun circled in the center. I expect next chapter to give more context and a full image for the chart in the final frame.

[ynit-a]

𝐎𝐑𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐂 𝟖 | jkk

orphic | jjk x m!oc

𝟖 | 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐎 𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑

"I see the light in you

The wind rustled through the trees on the school campus, carrying with it an air of freshness that contrasted with the uneasiness Soren felt inside. The sky was a clear blue, and the sun shone bright enough to warm the skin, but not so much as to be bothersome. Everything seemed strangely peaceful in this place, as if the chaos of curses and cursed energy he had discovered days ago did not exist here. But Soren knew better than anyone that this tranquility was only the surface.

He walked alongside Gojo, who led the way with his usual carefree attitude. He kept his hands in his pockets and hummed an unfamiliar tune, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. To Soren, this lightness was disconcerting, but also, in a way, comforting. After all, if someone as powerful as Gojo could walk around this relaxed, perhaps there was some hope for him as well, even if he wasn’t equal in terms of strength.

—So, how do you feel now that you’re standing?— Gojo suddenly asked, breaking the silence.

Soren glanced at him, thinking of all the possible answers. He could tell him that he was confused, scared, and that he felt some sort of emptiness that he couldn't explain. Or that he still wasn't sure if this was all real or some sort of strange dream. But instead, what came out was much simpler.

—A little better… I think.

Gojo smiled, as if that answer was exactly what he expected. —I'm glad to hear that! Because what I'm going to show you today is quite important. The cursed energy, your great friend… —Gojo paused dramatically, raising a hand as if he were presenting something grand—…is what will keep you alive in this world.

Soren let out a sigh, feeling a knot form in his stomach. He'd heard a bit about cursed energy the last few days thanks to the man, but the idea of ​​something so volatile and dangerous residing within him… Well, he still hadn't quite digested it. —What if… I can't control it? —he asked quietly, almost not wanting to say it out loud.

Gojo paused for a second, turning to him with a softer smile than usual. Soren noticed that, although Gojo always seemed relaxed, there were times(not many he noted) when he could feel the gravity of what he said, and this was one of those times. —Don't worry so much —Gojo said, putting a hand on his shoulder—. We all start like this, Soren

Soren raised an eyebrow, if there was something he also noticed from the man is his overconfidence—You didn't start like this, did you?— Gojo simply smiled, deciding to ignore him —The important thing is that you're here, and that you have someone who will help you learn. You're not alone in this.

Soren looked at the ground for a moment, processing those words. Gojo was right, although admitting it was difficult for him. All his life, he had been struggling alone, feeling that something dark was following him, something he never understood. Now, however, there was a chance that he could understand it, that he could control it. That idea, although terrifying, also brought with it a spark of hope.

—Well, since you have no excuses to run away, let’s get started!— Gojo suddenly exclaimed, breaking the brief moment of introspection.

Soren barely had time to process what he said before Gojo started walking again, this time leading him towards a more secluded part of the campus. It was an open clearing, surrounded by tall trees that provided shade. Gojo stopped in the middle, turning to Soren.

—What we’re going to do is simple, at least in theory,— Gojo said, with a mischievous grin. —I want you to try and feel your cursed energy. Don’t force it, just feel it.

Soren looked at him in disbelief. —Just… feel it?

Gojo nodded enthusiastically. —Exactly. Like when you know you’re going to get hungry in an hour or that someone is about to call you when they shouldn’t. It’s a sixth sense, but one you have to learn to recognize.

Soren closed his eyes, trying to do what Gojo had told him. He concentrated, breathing deeply, trying to push aside the thoughts of confusion and fear that kept crowding his mind. For a few moments, all he could feel was the pounding of his heart and the sound of his own footsteps as he moved nervously. But then, slowly, a different feeling began to form in his chest. Something warm, something that wasn’t there before, but had always been there.

—That’s it,— Gojo murmured from somewhere nearby. —Now, don’t let it go. Hold it, feel it.

Soren squeezed his eyes shut tighter, but the sheer effort made the feeling fade away like a dream upon awakening. He snapped his eyes open, panting slightly. —I couldn’t,— he admitted, frustrated.

Gojo laughed softly. —Hey, it's okay. I didn’t tell you you’d get it on the first try. The trick is not to force it. Just flow. And if all else fails, you always have the option of befriending an experienced sorcerer like me,— he said with an exaggerated bow.

Soren couldn’t help but crack a smile, albeit a small one. It was hard to stay serious when Gojo was constantly cracking jokes and downplaying everything like it was no big deal. But deep down, Soren knew that this laid-back attitude was a way to help him, to make him not feel so out of place.

—Are you always this… annoying?— Soren asked, with a sarcastic smile. Gojo let out a laugh. —Only with the ones I like. You’re lucky!

Soren shook his head. —How lucky I must be to end up with someone like you,— he said with some sarcasm, but he couldn’t help but feel a slight warmth inside him. There was something about the way Gojo handled things that made the weight of all this feel less oppressive. For the first time in a long time, he felt like maybe, just maybe, he could do something right. That he wasn't completely lost.

—You know?— Gojo said, looking at him with a more serious expression for a moment. —There's a reason I'm here, helping you. I don't butt into just anyone's life, Soren. I saw you that day, and I know you have a power within you that's worth it. You're not a lost cause, trust me. You can do this.

Gojo's words struck deep into Soren's chest. He'd spent so long feeling like a burden, a person who only caused trouble, that hearing that from someone like Gojo nearly disarmed him completely. But instead of letting the emotions overwhelm him, he took a deep breath and nodded slowly.

—Thank you,— he said, sensing the sincerity in his own words. Soren looked at Gojo, swallowing hard as he continued speaking, this time somewhat shyly. —I'm not used to… this,— his voice barely a whisper. —To have someone who believes I can do something.

Gojo smiled again, this time softer, and patted him on the back. —Don’t worry. You’re going to do amazing things, I know it.

Soren looked down at the ground, feeling that spark of hope burn a little bit stronger inside him. But along with that hope, there was also fear. He still didn’t know how to control his cursed energy, he still didn’t know if he would be able to do anything more than cause trouble. And above all, he thought about his mother. About her fragile body, about how much she had already suffered for him.

Am I going to make her proud? he thought as his mind wandered to the last image he had of her, bedridden, fighting her own curse. Or am I just going to add another worry to his life?

That doubt tormented him, but along with it, there was something else. A small spark of hope, now growing thanks to Gojo. Maybe, just maybe, he could learn to control what was inside him. And maybe, for the first time, he could do something right.

Either way, he had decided he wasn't going to give up. Not yet.

This story with more graphics is on wattpad, go check it out if you want!

Wattpad: ynit_a

BACK TO THE ACT PREV NEXT

[drivingsideways]

Year-end discussion in the Indian film space was dominated by the success of controversial film maker Sandeep Reddy Vanga's latest offering of undiluted misogyny and rage, appropriately titled "Animal"; but the best commentary I've seen on failed fatherhood and violent, toxic masculinity this year comes in a 2 minute scene in Kaathal: The Core, where a wizened old man testifies quietly in a family court that yes, he always knew that his son is gay, and still coerced him into a heterosexual marriage.

Kaathal: The Core isn't a film without flaws; one could argue that it's the quintessential film made about queer people by straight allies- actually more interested in the reaction to queerness and the adjustment to queerness by cishets, than in queer lives; that it has a one dimensional view of the reality of queer living in India. It has its moments of what I call "educational speechifying" that feel tonally at odds with the rest of it, but again, this paternalism in Indian cinema of the self-consciously "progressive" variety isn't unfamiliar.

The ending feels a little trite, and some artistic choices- an actual rainbow in the sky appears as the two lovers drive off into the sunset of their newly liberated lives-feel particularly anvil-like- much like the ending of another of director Jeo Baby's films, The Great Indian Kitchen, which was an exploration of the brutality of Indian-flavoured patriarchy. In short: a movie filled with intricately and deliberately placed subtleties that occasionally - somewhat inexplicably-loses confidence in its audience, and chooses to remedy that by being a bit over the top.

But those are minor quibbles. This movie gutted me. The story revolves around a middle-aged closeted gay man from a small close knit village community in Kerala whose life- and the lives of those around him- is thrown into disarray when his wife of twenty years files for divorce citing his gayness as the reason for the breakdown of the marriage- a step she takes just as he's nominated as his party's candidate for the local elections. With this premise, you'd be forgiven for expecting the movie to be high decibel melodrama- and possibly a tragedy- from start to finish. Instead, it deliberately chooses the quieter route, the most tender one; while not flinching away from the grim realities of widespread homophobia, it portrays both individuals and a community who , in a moment of crisis, discover that they are better than they think they are. And it does this not from a jingoistic, self-congratulatory ethno-nationalist perspective- but from a place of genuine love- as a reminder and a beacon in these dark times.

All of this is anchored in some fantastic performances- Mammootty once more showing up to remind us why he's one of the greatest living actors in the world, and Sudhi Kozhikode as Thankan in what should be a multiple-award winning performance as his long time lover. I've rarely seen an actor make so much of their limited screen time. When I say that minutes 50-52 of this film are the most devastatingly tragic-romantic moments in world cinema, you'll think I'm exaggerating and perhaps I am, but I can also guarantee that you're going to want to rewatch that sequence at least ten times and cry about two old geezers in love. Lives were changed in those moments, no lie.

My one disappointment in terms of performances is Jyothika, playing Omana, the long suffering wife. Omana is one of the stand-outs in the history of female characters in Malayalam cinema, and Jyothika is- barely adequate. When you contrast it with a similar role - say Hsieh Ying -xuan's performance as Liu San-lian in Dear Ex (2018)- the flatness is even more jarring. Still, the sheer love with which her character and her relationships, especially with her husband, are written carry the film through.

Tl;dr: watch it on Amazon Prime or at a theatre near you! You will not regret it.

[indigowriting]

5, 7, 10, and 15 for the writeblr ask? if it's not too much. (from you-are-my-neverland <3)

@you-are-my-neverland thanks for the ask star!!! putting this under the cut because it got long

5. what is your favourite book/story/poem you read this year?

oh, hands down she who became the sun by shelly parker-chan! it reinvigorated my passion for original writing, and it's just a banger all around (admittedly, i'm weak for the yuan/ming era and chinese historical fiction, but that's neither here nor there). the prose is dense and gorgeous and the themes that run throughout the novel are so well-executed. it's a heavy novel in some ways, but i would fully recommend it as long as you read a content warnings list so you know what you're getting in for.

7. what are three songs you put on your WIP-playlist this year?

i don't actually have wip playlists (i've been so so busy!!!!) but i definitely have songs that i listen to a lot while writing my wips! for birchlorn i've been listening to a lot of AlicebanD and a too sweet (hozier) fem cover by rainaeiry.

10. which character(s) turned out differently from what you had planned? how so?

oh god okay i don't want to spoil things but the pov character of birchlorn has changed SO MUCH. not in terms of goals, mind you, but there's a secret thing that her entire character is predicated on now that she absolutely was not before. it's the same story, but it's also a radically different story now, you feel me? (if you want full spoilers you can dm me and i'll tell you but i don't want to talk about it on my blog just yet)

15. time for shameless self-promotion! answer with a piece of writing you want others to see/read! (if you have nothing posted/published this year, any other year is fine too ^^)

hmmmmm i'll give an excerpt for all three of my wips!

from r&r:

When she arrives at the Peng manor, though, as the servant girl had predicted, no one is willing to let her enter. "I really only want to ask about the goat," Yu Xiyan promises, trying to ignore the heavy scent of goat stew she can smell wafting in from the kitchens. "I'm afraid that it might somehow have been taken from a friend—" The housekeeper glares at her. "How could our manor have your friend's goat?" he says. "No, no, you can't come in. The family is in mourning for Master Peng's death, the last thing they need to think about is a goat." With that, he closes the doors in her face, and Yu Xiyan is left, demoralised, standing outside.

-- the goat is important i promise :)

from birchlorn:

Then someone's rushing forward to reach out to her, calling out, "Guniang, are you alright?" and the horse's hooves are rising and it's stepping away, ears pinned back and nostrils flaring, and Bai Hua finds herself being helped up by a man in a richly-embroidered blue outfit and a fur-collared cloak. "Mm," Bai Hua murmurs, still somewhat dazed by the events of mere moments before. She blinks a couple times. "What's an immortal like guniang doing in this city?" the man asks, and reaches into his breast to pull out a handkerchief and offers it to her. It takes Bai Hua a moment to realise that he's offering it to her so she can brush away the dirt and snow in her hair and on her chest. "Perhaps this humble young master can offer his help?"

-- this has a secret meaning to it but you won't find that out until later :) or maybe never, who knows! but i know :)

from orioles:

Tally, who's moved to stand over her shoulder, says, "What sort of weird was this interference, exactly? You didn't mention." "You'll see," Bismah says, distractedly, and finally pulls the relevant frequency up. Suddenly, the terminal whirs, and the communications array's screen lights up, showing the searching symbol. Then, the readout information pops up, and, at the same moment, a breathy voice cries out, Orioles fluttering, cicada leaps! For a moment, Tally stares unblinkingly as her mind tries to parse the language—the accent is unfamiliar, and the wording is archaic, and she only recognises it because one of her mothers had had an amateur interest in the remaining scraps of the Old Texts. "Huh," she says. "I…have no idea what that means."

-- which means nothing, i'm sure! (lying)

[lochrannn]

Sending this ask to a few tua accounts!

Diegolila is probably my favorite ship in the show, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. What would you change about their relationship in season 4? Obviously they're not in the honeymoon phase anymore, and they have three kids, so I feel like naturally they would go through a rough patch. But what made me sad in season 4 was that none of it got fixed. The five/lila relationship aside, it was weird to see Lila be just completely disconnected from Diego and not come to any realizations about her relationship with him, especially because she IS a deep character and she really does love him. Plus, I don't completely agree with her being a housewife either. It hurts to see them fight and stuff because I feel like they're 2 characters who are really in sync with each other and who make each other better people, but it hurt a lot more when their arcs ended in them basically not really loving each other anymore.

TLDR how would you rewrite their relationship in season 4? Would Lila still be a housewife/Diego a delivery driver? Who would try to fix the relationship first? Why would the relationship go through the rough patch in the first place? Is it because they're both just tired of each other/suburban life/kids? Or is it something else? Would they try to fix it in the first place?

Sorry this is a really long ask, but I love all your tua takes and I feel like they ripped off Diego and Lila in the worst way this season. Would love to know your thoughts.

Sorry, this took me a while to get to but it's an interesting ask!

There is a small issue I'm having though and that's that I'm sort of answering some of that questoin in the fic I'm writing, and, while that might sound self-indulgent, I don't wanna spoil it XD

That being said, I think I can definitely think about some of the specifics you're asking about.

In terms of how, in general, could one do something with the fact that after 6 years and 3 kids with no fun up relationship in which they could have properly got to know each other ahead of time and that probably causes some issues down the road, I had actually started planning out a fic about a year ago and then never wrote it and now won't as I'm using some stuff in the fic I am writing.

My initial plan also included Lila starting to sneak and withdrawing but instead of cheating it turns out she's been drawn in by the commissoin, some alt version of the Handler who has her convinced that the Diego she's living with is not her Diego... listen, I was going to work out the time travel/time line mechanics later, basically I was trying to get to a Mr & Mrs Smith (the movie) style blow out fight that ends with them smooching.

What I'm saying is, with how volitile their relationship has always been, making them not be all functional is a logical step in the story telling, I take no issue with that. But previous precedent had always been that they care enough to try and find a messy way back to being together, that whatever else, that's more important to them, and just taking that completely away is what bugs me most.

Anyway, to your specific questions: there's a lot of people headcanoning Diego as a stay at home dad, and I guess, yeah, possible, but I think he's a bit to feral for that and on that note, so i Lila, so I would have them both have meh jobs that they hate their bosses at and part of what has caused strain on the relationship is that they are both endlessly busy and find no eral time for each other. (Which also leads to a way to resolve this issue in decent communication and them making an effort to be a couple again).

I have in the past written some fics where I immagined them as a family living the suburban life and Lila finding it...trying... but in my head, she would treat it like a mission, do both the best job she can at it, while basically trying as hard as possible to infiltrate every element of this unfamiliar world and then for some shits and giggles, sow some benign chaos.

Diego being Dad with a mustache and too much care for his van and telling people to take their shoes off in his home tracks. I have no notes. Other than the weird bits where they made him say the words claiming he resents this life but then make him good at it and seem pretty happy, I think they nailed Dad Diego. Shame they made him miserable on puprose, but I digress.

I really enjoyed the first four episodes because I was convinced Diego and Lila would both learn something and want to be together again, I don't think that is trite, I think that is how adult relationships go some times. Lila.... well....

Thanks for the ask!

I haven't been posting much about my thoughts on the season because they are quite jumbled and I'm not pushed to go back and watch it again (which is a real fucking shame, but here we are) to try and sort some details out.

What are your thoughts?

[mumpsetc]

sorry if this is random but ur one of my favorite osc creators... i want to ask how u motivated urself to finish big projects like electric remains? any advice for artists who want to pursue big projects too in the osc? thank u sm!!!!! i love daisy bell!!!!!!! :D

First Off You're Too Sweet, Tysm I Do Aopreciate Things Like This More Than I Can Say 🧡

My Two Main Pieces of Advice are That Done and Out is Better Than Perfect and Unreleased, and To Focus on Your Story First.

The OSC is an Indie Space and Therefore Has Different Standards of Visual Quality. Cut as Many Corners as You Feel Comfortable Cutting and Styalize That to Make It Feel Purposeful and Cohesive. For Example: Things Like The Collage-Gradient Style of Daisy Bell's BGs Were Done So I Could Very Quickly Make Them and Meet Deadlines. The Layman Rarely Notices These Shortcuts Anyways, and Most People Will Consider Something Visually Complete if It's Fully Coloured and Has Rough Lipsync.

The One Thing You Cannot Cut Corners On is the Story. People Will Overlook Scuffed Visuals if the Story is Compelling. If You Have Time To, Really Try and Iron Out What You Want to Say. It Doesn't Have to Be Planned Perfectly, I Think Some Flexibility is Necessary When Making a Story Because Characters Do Change In the Process of Writing, But You Need to Work With Intent and Purpose.

In Terms of Motivation, for Me Personally It's That No One Else is Gonna Make What I Want and That Leaves It Up to Me to Pick Up the Slack. It Helps Though to Try and Make the Creative Process Fun for You, I Enjoy Most Parts of Animating, Not Just the Finished Product. If You Get a Workflow That's Fun for You That'll Do So Much for Your Motivation to Create and Usually Help You Craft a Unique Visual Identity Along the Way.

Also, and This is Necessary, You Gotta Broaden Your Wheelhouse in Terms of What You See. One of the Greatest Motivators is Finding a Work of Art That Lights a Fire in You and Trying to Discern Why, and That Work of Art Can Be Found Anywhere. Just Because You're Making an Object Show Doesn't Mean You Should Only Watch Object Shows/Cartoons. I'm Always Rattling On About This Because It's Been One of the Most Valuable Things I've Done for Myself, and Because It Breaks My Heart When Talented People Stunt Themselves Creatively By Refusing to Engage With Things They Are Unfamiliar With. You Dont Have to Like Everything You See, But You Gotta Meet It Where It Is.

Good Luck on Your Future Creative Endeavors :]

[yellowocaballero]

hi! i know that i'm fated to read your every work despite not knowing the media half the time. this time i would like to finally be one step ahead. so uhh. where do i read orv? do i go for the webtoon or the novel? to clarify, i did try to search, but got confused by reddit. also i am going to watch trigun. i've been eyeing animorphs too but the 54 (?) books are making me go hmm. thank you for existing you're pretty great. you're like the spiderman of writing but instead you got asbestos rat'd.

THIS ASK IS INSANE. WE'RE REFERENCING MY LORE NOW?

But thank you, you're insane. People ask why I have stupid high standards for the fics i post on AO3 and it is because there are people like you who will just read whatever regardless of whether or not it's good. I have a responsibility.

This ask also made me wonder if I have good taste. Because every time somebody says this my first reaction is "oh god and the source materials aren't even good". I read a lot of trashy stuff (but, like, define trashy), and I consume too many bad things to be able to say I have discerning taste. If I enjoy something I almost never call it bad, because things were made to be enjoyed and I enjoyed them then they had value in at least one aspect. If you were to ask me if my favorite TV show of all time the Incredible Hulk 1974 was actually, unironically, good, then I'd break into a cold sweat. Is somebody bad because it's camp? Is something bad only if it's unintentional camp?

Regardless, I never write fic for something that isn't only like 80% good - there's a sweet spot of 'good enough for me to obsess over' and 'bad enough that I'm rewriting it in my head'. It's rare I write for anything I find completely good. Which is why I feel bad when people say that they're reading this thing I'm writing fic for jalksdf there's better things out there I SWEAR.

ORV is in the sweet spot of "this isn't high literature" and "this has given me brain worms". Definitely for sure start with the webtoon - the webnovel is clunkily translated, you don't read it for the writing at all, and it is also a literal million words. Don't read the webnovel unless you're like "I'm going insane and I need more of this". It starts off kind of slow ("This is a well executed very banal isekai") and you're like a frog in the pot of it slowly going more insane until you're a ways in and you are in a tangle of ridiculously complicated gambits and convoluted storytelling. There is literally no other way to describe it than the Homestuck of webnovels. If you're completely unfamiliar with isekai that's fine, but as a warning - ORV being your first webtoon/webnovel isekai is like your first shoujo manga being Ouran High Schol Host Club, or your first magical girl show being Madoka, or your first mecha anime to be Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's one of the best works in its genre but it's supposed to be viewed in context of the genre. Or maybe it's more like if Homura starred in Evangelion, which was Ouran. I'm just saying words.

Animorphs is kind of like Mother 3 in which everybody who has ever read/played it said that it changed them as a person, it changed their relationship with media and storytelling forever, if you read/play it you will be born again from the world's egg, etc. Works that genuinely become part of your personality. I also never recommend it to people because it is incredibly hit or miss. I remember using a spreadsheet of just "what books are skippable or not" because some of them are incredibly weird and some of them are incredibly weird in the bad way. The only Animorphs fic I've ever written is from 2019 so it's also not that great. Each book only takes an hour to read and the pdfs are free online, so it's incredibly accessible in terms of the reading experience, but it's kinda the Animorphs gestalt that changes you forever and not the individual books. I try not to recommend stuff that's like 25% bad.

Watch Trigun if you like what Trigun is - it's not going to deliver on something it's not. Also watch 98 first. Watch Stampede/read Trimax if you want more Trigun. The Trigun fic is based off Stampede but refer to my "I only write fic for smth that's 80% good and not 100% good" statement.

Also I think being bit by an asbestos rat just means that I probably have mold and drywall in my lungs, which would explain a lot about this blog. Thanks for the ask I love it.

[dangraccoon]

Hell's Comin' With Me

Request for @error6gendernotfound

The Bad Batch (post-order 66) & You

“I'm thinking bad batch angst and eventual fluff (bc I have fragile feelings) with 12 and 28 from the prompt list. One of the batch finds something out about the reader (sickness, past coming back to bite them in the ass, idk) and tries to get them to tell the rest of the batch. Tysm!! I love your writing!”

12. “Just…just don’t upset them. Not now.” 28. “Do they know?” “I don’t know how to tell them.”

Summary: It took years to push your past behind you, but when a new mission leads the Bad Batch back to your old stomping grounds, you're forced to confront your past.

Warnings: past abuse, violence, TW: religious trauma/abuse, TW: poor living conditions, revenge, canon-typical explosions, non-canon-typical murder (I believe I got the worst of it, but please, please, let me know if there's something you feel I should add!!!)

Author's Note: @error6gendernotfound, Garden, darling, thank you so so so much for requesting this! It was an incredible journey to write and I'm so glad that this was my first request! I also want to thank all of you for your continued support; it really means the world to me 💛

It had been a long time since I left “home”. The little outer rim moon I was born on was dry, dusty, and dilapidated. It took 18 standard years to get off that damn rock, and I didn’t exactly leave on good terms with the people of my settlement. 

But that didn’t matter; I was off on adventures with a ragtag crew of rogue clones that had taken me in. We all had the same goals: stay away from the empire, and eventually disappear. That was all fine and dandy, until Cid gave us a new mission. 

“You’re goin’ to Vel,” she rasped. “There’s a little village called Tirra where you’ll touch down. Pick up the goods and bring them back here.”

“V-vel?” I stammered, doing everything I could not to look as frazzled as I felt. 

“It is a moon in the outer rim; part of the Regasta system,” Tech informed, barely looking up from his data pad. “It is not the most…advanced society.”

“That’s nice, Goggles, now shut it,” Cid scowled at him. 

The rest of the briefing flew by, and I barely caught anything. We were going to Vel. And worse, we were going to Tirra. 

It had been years since I’d left, and I wanted - no, I needed to keep it that way. I just couldn’t go back. 

“Oh, I forgot,” I mumbled as the Batch and I began making our way to the Marauder. “I have another mission to take care of.” 

The squad stopped in the tracks to look at me. 

“Another mission?” Omega asked, quirking up an eyebrow. I hated that I was lying, especially to her. 

“You didn’t tell us you were taking solos from Cid again,” Echo questioned, obvious concern crossing his face. Kriff, I should’ve known they’d remember that part of my history. 

“Th-that’s because it isn’t for Cid,” I blurted out. Idiot, I thought to myself. 

Hunter stepped toward me now. “You’re going behind Cid’s back?” His voice was full of the skepticism that was shown on his face. “You’re not one to make stupid decisions like that.”

“Tough times,” I said through gritted teeth. 

“Must be,” he replied, stepping away from me, but squinting his eyes a little, the way he usually did while using his other senses. 

He could hear my heart hammering against my ribcage, I know he could. 

“Yours have a deadline?” Hunter asked after what felt like a lifetime. 

“Well, no, but I need to-”

“You need to assist this squad, like you said you would.”

I glanced around at the others, hoping for some hint of support. Most weren’t looking at me, save for Omega, who was showing her usual curious look, only now it was mixed with something unfamiliar. Her family was uncomfortable, and she was certainly picking up on it. 

I could feel the anger rising in my chest, first at the way Hunter was ordering me around, rather than just talking to me, but then it was mainly as a defense mechanism; I was scared but I couldn’t- no, I wouldn’t show that. Not to them. 

“Fine,” I spat, hating the feel of venom on my tongue as I brushed past all of them to board the ship. 

The entire journey through hyperspace would take nearly a week, and about four days in, I had hardly said a word to anyone that wasn’t Omega. I couldn’t deny her my attention; she was simply too sweet. 

“Why don’t you want to go to Vel?” she asked one day, having just entered the gunner's-nest-turned-bedroom, that she liked to let me sit in when I needed to be away from her brothers. 

I didn’t know what to say aside from the truth. Omega was fairly mature for her age, but she was naive and innocent and still a child. I couldn’t lie to her.

“Because I was born there. I was born in Tirra, on Vel.” The words felt like gravel pouring out of my mouth, rough, jagged, difficult, but once they were out, once that fact was fully revealed, I did feel lighter. 

“What?” Omega nearly shouted, causing me to wince. “That’s amazing! You’ll be able to show us around, and we can meet your family and see where you grew up!”

I shuddered at the thought, and Omega, observant to a fault, noticed. 

“Aren’t you excited to go home?” she wondered, the excited smile beginning to fade from her face. 

“I…wouldn’t exactly call it ‘home’,” I started, feeling, but not becoming fully aware of the way my fist clenched, pressing my fingernails into the meat of my palms. 

Omega didn’t respond, just scooted closer to my side. 

I took a deep breath. I’d gotten this far, I might as well tell her the rest. 

“I didn’t have the best childhood,” I explained. “My parents died not too long after I was born, so I was sent to an orphanage - um, that’s a place where they take care of all the kids who don’t have any family anymore.

“It was bad; everything was dirty, the beds, the rooms, the clothes, us. And the food was worse than ration bars, when there was any. The grown-ups in charge claimed to be righteous, holy people, but they didn’t care about us. Some kind-hearted people would give money to try and help us, but it would just go right into his pockets.

“When I was a few years older than you are now, he noticed me. He’d hold me up as this example of a disgusting sinner even though I never did anything wrong. He had this…this power over people, and even though I was just a kid, they believed him.

“18 long years of being beaten and spat upon by the people of that town. I had enough. I told that man that I was leaving and he had the town stone me and he banished me from ever returning. I went to Indus, the capital of the whole moon, because finally I was old enough to book passage off-world for myself.”

Omega was quiet for a long time after my shaky words had tapered off. Silent tears were rolling down both of our faces, something I worried Hunter could sense. 

“Do they know?” she asked, the sorrow evident in her voice. She was such an empathetic child and the weight of the guilt I felt for unloading on her like I had? It was suffocating. 

“No, Omega,” I answered. “I don’t know how to tell them.”

“But they can help,” she scowled at the floor, her belief in her brothers shining through. “They can protect you.”

I took another breath. “I know you trust your brothers, and I trust them too, but I don’t think they trust me. I don’t think they even really like me.” I left out the part of how they probably only tolerated me because of my skill set and Omega’s affection for me.

“They do like you!” Omega protested, having no intention of allowing the idea that her friend and her family weren’t friends as well. 

“Omega-”

“I’m sure they trust you. You should trust them.”

Omega left me on my own, climbing down the ladder. 

“I wish I could,” I whispered to the streaking lights of hyperspace racing past in the window. 

Day six was finally coming to an end. I needed to get off of this ship, even if that meant stepping foot in Tirra again. 

The moments before I’d left for Indus were replaying constantly in my mind. The way the townsfolk had cornered me, hurtling rocks, bricks, insults. What I’d told them, my rage taking over my brain in the moment. 

I shook my head. None of that mattered right now. There was a mission to complete. 

“Entering the atmosphere,” Tech called from the cockpit. 

I could feel my nerves rising again, and I clenched my fists, forcing myself to breathe calmly. 

We touched down without incident, kicking up a few swirls of dust. Some of the townspeople walking around looked towards us, but ultimately decided to mind their own business. 

As we all stepped off the ship, taking in our surroundings, Omega appeared beside me, pulling at my sleeve so I’d bend down towards her. 

“Did you tell them?” she whispered as softly as she could, side eyeing Hunter. 

I shook my head. Hunter was watching us, suspicion across his face. 

Omega scowled at me a little, which despite causing a bubble of guilt to rise into my chest, did little to make me want to talk to her brothers. 

“You should tell them,” she said, walking away from me to go ask Tech questions about the moon. 

“Tell us what?” Echo asked, suddenly right behind me. 

“It’s nothing,” I muttered. I started to walk away, but he grabbed my arm. 

The look on his face was heartbreaking; he was so worried about me. “Taking jobs from someone other than Cid? Keeping secrets? It’s not like you.”

Part of me felt touched. He was right, the lies I’d been telling weren’t like me. I preferred to be somewhat of an open book to those around me, especially those I trusted, like the Bad Batch. 

“I know, and I want to tell you, it’s just…really hard,” I breathed, the tiniest bit of relief dripping into my brain. At least that wasn’t another lie. 

Echo didn’t reply, but his expression of worry didn’t disappear either. 

We set out to the rendezvous point where we’d meet with Cid’s contact, walking the edge of the town. 

Wait, the edge of town?

“We have to stop,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. Four helmeted heads turned back towards me. I could see the confusion on Omega’s face, but I could practically feel it on the rest of them. 

“This is the fastest route to the rendezvous,” Tech explained, lifting his data pad to my view. 

“I know, but if we go this way then we’ll-”

I clamped my mouth shut. Damnit.

“‘We’ll’ what?” Hunter pressed. I could tell he was fed up with my antics. 

I could feel myself shaking and my heart hammering in my chest. I opened my mouth, hoping that more explanation would come tumbling out, but nothing did. 

Omega stepped towards me, taking my hand in hers. She beamed up at me, her smile supportive as she nodded. 

I took a long, deep, shaking breath in and out. “If we go this way, we’ll have to pass the preacher’s house. If he’s there, and he sees us, he will start trouble. That’s not trouble you want. If we double back and take the main road, the townsfolk will alert him to our presence if they didn’t already when we landed. We need to go up into the woods along the northern side of town. The woods are thick, but easy to navigate. It’ll take a little extra time, so we’ll have to pick up the pace.”

There were four sets of eyes on me, and even though I could only see Tech’s, I knew they all reflected the same thing; full confusion. 

They looked between me, Omega - who was smiling kindly at me, hand still in mine - and each other. 

Omega, with a slightly irritated tone I’d rarely heard from her, tugged at my hand. “We have to go quickly, right?”

I nodded.

“Lead the way,” she smiled again. A took a deep breath, eyes scanning her brothers’ helmets again, before putting on what I hoped was a determined expression, and turning to lead the group on the alternative route. 

Omega eventually let go of my hand as we walked, giving it a supportive squeeze before she did. 

As I’d told them, the woods were thick, but I knew them well. 

“You going to tell us how you know so much about this place?” Hunter asked slightly behind me.

“That is simple; this is where they were raised as a child,” Tech called from the back of the group. I froze in my tracks, the rest of the group stopping behind me.

“This is your home?” Wrecker asked, lifting his helmet to look at me. My mouth formed a tight line as I fought the tears threatening to pour down my cheeks.

“This is where they were born,” Tech corrected. “However, given the lengths they have gone to trying to avoid this very conversation, I would say their memories of living here are rather unpleasant.”

Echo stepped towards me, lifting his helmet from his head. “Is that true?” 

He placed a gentle touch on my shoulder and I was done for. A few tears slipped down my cheeks and Echo’s expression softened. 

No. No, we had a mission. I couldn’t do this right now.

I pulled away from Echo, turning my face.

“We’ll be late if we don’t get going,” I explained, beginning to continue our trek, walking briskly.

The rest of the mission blurred by without incident. Wrecker heaved the cargo container up from the ground, and Tech turned to me. “Shall we return the way we came?” 

I nodded, unable to really say anything. My nerves were still keyed up, and I had a terrible feeling in my gut. My fists clenched into tight balls as we began our walk back to the ship.

The walk back was uneventful, Tech occasionally looking over his shoulder at me to confirm that we were still on the right path.

“Stop,” Hunter ordered as the town started to come into view.

He pulled a pair of binocs out, looking over the town square we’d have to pass through.

He grunted, passing the binocs to Tech and Echo. 

“It’s a trap,” Echo concluded.

“Someone’s not happy we’re here,” Hunter agreed.

“Perhaps it is the religious figure you mentioned before,” Tech added, turning to look at me. The rest of the group’s eyes fell on me as well.

“I don’t know your history with this place, or with this preacher, but you need to tell us what we’re walking into,” Hunter said, his voice quiet. There was less bite in it than there had been before.

“He- He’s powerful. He’s got some kind of dark magic.”

“Like the Sith the Jedi would mention during the war?” Echo asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t think so. He’s never had one of those weapons they all have.”

“What’s his problem with ya anyhow? We like ya just fine,” Wrecker told me, warming my heart a little.

I never knew the answer to his question of course, not when I was kid. I could feel myself falling into my memory of that last day.

“You pathetic child,” the preacher spat. “The weight of your sins will follow you all your days, but you are no longer welcome on Vel. Leave Tirra once its people are done with you, and never return.”

That’s when the rocks began flying. Most of them missed me, or only grazed me, at least at first. But then a chunk of brick caught me straight in the gut. I tried to back away, but the alleyway they’d cornered me in had no alternative exit. I was trapped. Insults were hurled in my direction, hitting almost as hard as the rocks and trash that bruised and bloodied my skin.

I had fallen into a heap on the ground, barely able to keep myself conscious, let alone protected.

As I lay there, the people began to grow bored, only the preacher’s inner-circle lackeys remained.

I gathered my strength as they laughed, pulling myself to my knees, wiping the dirt, blood, and tears from my face. 

“You’re going straight to Hell,” said the preacher, rejoining his henchmen.

“I’ll be back,” I warned, my voice shaky. “I’ll come back one day, you’ll never see me coming. You’re gonna regret this, cause I promise you, when I come back, Hell’s coming with me.”

My attention snapped to the present as Echo called my name, his hand and scomp on my shoulders.

A firefight with the locals had broken out, and it wasn’t going well. Wrecker was hit and knocked out on the ground with Omega kneeling over him. Hunter and Tech were behind the cover of the trees, peeking out to fire back on the townsfolk. And Echo was in front of me, holding my shoulders tightly, gently shaking me back to reality.

“You need to get your head back right,” he instructed me, his words coming out more worried than upset. “You almost walked into the line of fire.”

“I- I didn’t- I wasn’t-” I stuttered.

“I know, but we need you,” Echo insisted.

I took a steading breath, wiping away the tears I hadn’t realized were flowing. “Right, right.”

“We need a diversion,” Tech called. 

“We need Wrecker to get back up,” Omega responded.

“Stop firing and stay out of sight,” I ordered over the comms. “Don’t make a sound.”

They hesitated, but ultimately did as I told them. After a few moments, the enemy blasterfire slowed, and then stopped altogether. Wrecker was slowly coming back to consciousness, much to all of our relief.

“Wreck,” I whispered. “I need you to do what you do best; we’re going to need a big boom.”

His face split into the grin of a menace and he nodded, clearly fighting the urge to shout his excitement.

“They’ll be coming up to look for our bodies any minute now; the rest of you need to sneak back to the Marauder. Split up and loop around, Wrecker will meet you there once he’s done helping me.”

“What about you?” Omega worried. 

“I’m the diversion. The townspeople might not have recognized me when we landed, but I know he will.”

“Are you sure?” Hunter asked, and despite his mask I could feel his eyes staring into mine.

“Yes. It’s going to work,” I assured him. Hunter nodded at me, and then again at the rest of the squad. I watched them disperse, as Wrecker began rigging together what he had in his kit.

The end result was a tangle of wires and explosives. “Good work, Wrecker,” I nodded to him. “Set this on the east side of the town - there should hardly be anyone there - I’ll tell you when to set it off. Now get back to the others, tell Tech to get the ship running as soon as I get into the square.”

Wrecker nodded, dashing off into the trees. I unholstered my blaster as I heard a few townies begin to make their way into the thick forest. I spared a glance around the tree I was using for cover. Just two men were stalking up towards me. 

I quickly fired off two shots, hitting each of them square in the center of their chests.

With the coast clear, I moved down the hill towards the town, pausing behind a tree just at the edge. I could hear another man - one of the preacher’s lackeys - shouting after the two who were now laying dead in the middle of the woods. 

I could see him. He was still dressed in her overly-ornate robes. He’d gained weight since I last saw him; unsurprising given how skinny the orphans likely were.

I knew I should have waited just a moment longer, but my anger, my hatred of this man was overpowering, and I ran into the middle of the square.

“They said to start the ship now,” I heard Wrecker breathlessly instruct Tech.

“Well, well, well,” the preacher said, stepping towards me. He dropped my name into the dirt beneath his feet. “I believe I told you all those years ago that you’d overstayed your welcome in this town.”

I said nothing, my jaw clenching and my grip tightening around my blaster. 

“Still a disgusting delinquent I see,” he mused, looking me over. “I’m certain you still haven’t cleansed yourself of your wickedness.”

I began slowly walking sideways towards the large tree that grew in the center of the square, the townspeople watching in repulsion.

“If you think you’re going to make it out of here alive, you’re an even bigger fool than I thought.”

I lowered my blaster, bringing one hand up to my comm device, “Now, Wrecker!” I shouted, and perfectly on cue, a giant ball of flame burst from behind me, smoke, ash, and debris flooding the streets and square. I used the distraction to climb as high as I could into that big old tree.

I felt myself losing my tight grip on my control, and suddenly it was like I was watching my actions from outside of myself.

I attached the grappling extension to my blaster, and held it up, aiming it at that damned preacher. I fired and it hit, plunging half way into his chest. I used the branches of the tree to steady myself as my grappler began to reel itself in. I wrapped the end of my extension to a sturdy branch, ensuring that the corrupt, evil man would hang before the town.

I jumped down from the tree, surveying the town. The people were at their knees, screaming, crying, begging for mercy.

“I promised I’d bring Hell with me,” I snarled. “But I’ll show you the mercy you never gave me.”

I walked towards the Marauder, not followed, simply watched. I could feel my fingernails digging into my palms but I didn’t move them, longing to feel anything but the rage that was coursing through my veins.

From the moment I boarded the ship until the jump into hyperdrive, it was deathly silent. No one uttered a single word, not even Wrecker and Omega were boasting about the successful mission.

I tucked myself away into a corner in the cargo bay. I felt hot tears streaming down my face, cutting through the dust and grime that coated my face, but I did nothing to stop them now. I let my mind wander away a little, only coming back to myself as I heard talking nearby.

“Omega, where are they?” Hunter asked, seemingly again, his voice filled with paternal scolding. 

“I don’t think they want to talk to anyone right now,” Omega replied, her voice firm. 

“We just want to help,” Echo pleaded, his voice a little louder so he knew I could hear him.

“Fine,” Omega relented. “Just…just don’t upset them. Not now.”

I expected Hunter and Echo to come across me now, but was surprised to see the whole Batch before me, waiting patiently.

“Are you okay?” Wrecker asked, his voice softer than I’d ever heard it before. He had his little tooka doll in hand, and was offering her to me.

I accepted Lula, pulling her tight against my body.

“A lot happened back there,” Echo started.

Tech continued “We will fully understand if our presence here makes you uncomfortable.”

“We’ll leave if you tell us to,” Hunter added. “But you’re part of this squad.”

“This family,” Omega corrected, scooting close to you.

“We’re here for you, if you want to talk about it,” Wrecker finished.

They all looked at me, somewhat expectantly, Omega, placing her hand on my arm.

A fresh flood began to pour from my eyes as I gasped and panted. “I-I’m so-sorry,” I managed between sobs.

Before I knew it, Wrecker scooped me up into a tight hug, Omega joining it as well, standing on a crate to reach around my shoulder. I felt her send looks towards her other brothers, who relented, coming into the group hug as well.

The warmth and pure familial love that surrounded me now was overwhelming in the best possible way. Eventually it had to come to an end, but for now, all I could do was let myself be swept up in the fraternal display of outright affection.“You do still have a family,” Omega whispered. “We’ll always be your family.”

Thanks for reading! - Dang

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[aquilamage]

Looks to the Moon is such a good character and I love them so much.

cue ten miles of rambles <3:

you're playing a game where you (the player, and the character) are thrown into a world that is unfamiliar and frightening and all the other beings are at best neutral but mostly want to make you dead. It's a lot. So to give you someone who is safe is such a relief and a comfort! It's a really good game design choice for endearing you to them instantly and also for making everything else a little more bearable.

(It makes me think of how hk did a similar thing with cornifer and quirrel being a nice reprieve from the stress of the game every time you ran across them, except instead of a random (at least the first time you play) moment you stumble on every so often Looks to the Moon is a safe base to return to. If rain world had a more easily useable (and non-limited) fast travel system I'd be playing it like my first albw playthrough where I went back to visit Ravio at the end of literally every play session)

Plus the fact that they're a loredump character is. mwah! extra nice on top of that

And then on top of the mechanical endearment her character is so good! She's your friend!!! they're so niceies!!!!! getting to see them greet me every time I show up is so!!! Like for sure some of it is the fact that you're the only one who visits and listens to them etc but everything in the way they act suggests that would be the case anyway

and their enthusiasm with the pearls and the fact that they give you the cutest little term of endearment about bringing them!!!!!

"Big Sis Moon" is soooo good and important because not only does it say that she's the kind of person you would call that affectionately but also that she had at least one person who called her that! a sibling! a loving affectionate connection!

but they're also not just nice and nothing else! I really really like the fact that they're very firm about boundaries and such while still being polite. Obv with the neurons (if you touch one they ask you to stop either verbally or with the overseer if you can't understand yet, and she then says that if you do that again she won't talk to you. I've never tested touching one again and saving but I don't doubt she would go through with it) although I don't count that as much because that's like. mega-serious situation version.

But also like with the pearls there's some instances of not wanting to read/discuss contents of one. And in one of the Sky Islands pearls they have a bit where they're just like "please be respectful when speaking of the Void Sea" and then move on. Idk it's a very nice touch.

plus of course the iconic bit from the Wall pearl where they're like "none of us miss the ancients. they were like if parasites were also annoying." It's surprising and hilarious because it's just so extremely mean in comparison to anything they've ever said before and I love that.

firstly because of an admittedly very me thing of feelin like 'the fact that she's always nice better not be a weird Gender writing thing going on.' But also like. As I said before I think it's funny when the nice character has a Very Rude Outburst moment ("we have saved your life before, you witch" anyone?).

PLUS just. The Ancients suck so much and were terrible to the Iterators and Looks to the Moon has so much shit that's happened to them. She deserves to be mean about it one time! She mentions several times about other Iterators having frustration and anger about the everything and while I can definitely believe that she's less like that I also believe that there's gotta be at least some of that there for her too! So of course it's gonna leak out at some point!

and the fact that they immediately follow it up with the 'I'm sorry, that was disrespectful' says sooo much too. Not just that they're nice and polite and trying not to break that but also like. their personal views on the Ancients which might have been a source of conflict with some of the other iterators

adn then switching to something else: the tragedy of their situation with being broken down and helpless and isolated and her relief at being helped! but also leaving me wondering if it really is a kindness when you abandon them with the ending and they're basically in the same state but with a slightly better memory of what's going on and there's nothing more you can do.

the ending line of the dialogue about the pearl in their area being, after all the background information of everything that happened with Sliver of Straw, "I make the case that maybe she should be allowed to rest in peace now." It's compassion on her end but also deeply sad to hear and like. maybe it's just me but I feel like there's something else there that either I'm not grasping or we just aren't given the full information for.

the drainage system pearl about the Ancients thinking that trying and effort was bad and the iterators being for offloading that and Looks to the Moon ending with "I know I have tried very hard." like fucking!!!!! rip out my heart and stomp on it why don't you! that would hurt less! it's but one of the many ways the ancients were messed-up with how they treated the Iterators but that specific statement is so personal!!! AUGH!

...Despite how Much I've said here I still feel like I'm forgetting something Important but of course idk what it would be. But yeah Looks to the Moon is The Character ever so cool so stunningly pretty their voice is so cute and I love her.