#Also i just have general commitment issues lolll

[daily-audi]

Day 20: long time no see?

[ghostiwrites]

Mayhaps I can get a matchup? (Love your writing and stuff btw!)

I'm a 19yo 5'2 transman, I study psychology and tattoo artistry, and my clothing/aesthetic is vampire goth/alternative with a touch of femboy. I have black and white hair (dyed) and blue/brown eyes (Heterochromia). Thicc thighs (semi muscle, mostly fat), am a bit of a push over/easily manipulated but am stubborn as an ass if I really don't want to do something. I'm a home person and I hate going out unless it's important, I'm super clingy (it's not even funny 😭), and have daddy issues and all the problems that correspond with it. I have chronic pneumonia, arthritis, and POTS. I enjoy cooking and cleaning and get super irritated if it isn't done right, though I am understanding and will teach the person how to do it properly. I have issues with empathy, in the way where I feel way too much, have some autism and ADHD are sprinkled in the Aro pie and that's basically me.

IMMEDIATELY WHEN I READ THIS MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS MICHAEL LOLLL!! Off topic I also dress vampire goth tehe!

Anyways though, so super sorry for taking foreeeever to answer this, writing block and personal life stuff was hitting me hard and just making it difficult to write anything <\3

But! As I already stated, your slasher boyfriend would be

Michael Myers <3!

So already, your familiarity with psychology and your hyper-empathy would be different to him, you’re much too kind to him for his liking. You treat him like a person- like an actual person, not like how the doctors and nurses at Smith’s Grove did, it was fake and if he was being honest, he felt more like they were talking to him as if he was a child or some sort of dog but you, you treat him like a person. He gets used to it eventually though after a while.

He’d be intrigued by your fashion as he’s not used to the idea of men/masc people dressing feminine, it’s just something he’s never really come across in his life but he absolutely would not judge you and I can imagine him bringing home accessories and such from victims that he thinks you’d enjoy <3.

Definitely someone who appreciates you being a home body, it’s nice for him to make his way into the house and find you cooking or cleaning or doing just about whatever, it doesn’t particularly matter to him but he does enjoy seeing you (also it means that you’re less likely to interact with other people! A bonus for him!)

I personally headcanon Michael as Aromantic (totally not projecting I definitely don’t do this with all my favorite characters haha lol) so the relationship wouldn’t be fueled by romance and you guys aren’t exactly dating but you are committed and care very much for each other. The relationship transcends the idea of romance and the bond you both have built is stronger than anything. You’re his and he’s yours, together both in this life and the one after it.

He’d find your clingy nature off putting at first (just because he isn’t used to it) but amusing, like I can imagine him coming home after a long night and you just run up to greet him with a hug, leading him over to the couch to have some nice cuddles after not seeing the man all day. Michael isn’t used to receiving affection like that or just used to anyone being happy when he’s there but it’s for sure something he’s grown to look forward to whenever he sees you.

He’d take care of you whenever you’re sick or in pain or just generally not feeling your best, in his own Michael way of course. Silently carrying you when you’re too tired or in too much pain to take yourself to bed, tossing an ice pack or a heating pad at you whenever your joints flare up. And since he’s constantly standing around you, holding you up whenever you get dizzy from moving too fast, he wouldn’t want you to fall over and hit your head.

He’d also be intrigued by your hair! Of course he’s seen people with dyed hair but nothing fun like black and white split dyed, he’d wonder if you just ran out of dye halfway through. Will occasionally sit in the bathroom with you if you dye it yourself and just watch you touch it up.

Now I don’t wanna say too much but Michael is the slasher for daddy issues. Just a nice tall muscular man to care for you and hold you with such gentleness that would surprise even him, surprising himself that he’s capable of being so soft with someone else (MEEEOW).

Overall! Michael would be very good to you and treat you the way you deserve <3!

Ahhh! I hope you enjoyed this and are happy with your matchup! Tehe!

-Love, America’s Cannibalistic Sweetheart ☆

[maiji]

On writing Hokushin 

(unrelated: WOW I just realized I can do headings in tumblr! WOw!!!)

I’m on a roll avoiding other work I should be doing lolll! Lately I’ve been super fortunate to have some great conversations with multiple lovely people about characterization of Hokushin. To probably no one’s surprise, I already think an embarrassingly lot about this and try to convey it in my fanworks, but I actually haven’t really sat down and articulated in depth. Shocking, I know. So here are some cleaned up/slightly more coherently organized version of thoughts!

Below the cut I basically ramble for a long time about understanding Hokushin's character with cultural/historical background and his relationship with Yusuke (and by extension Raizen). And some misc other stuff. I tried to break it out by topic, but a lot of it overlaps. One thing I don't really get into here is specific aspects of Mahayana (Zen) Buddhism, but it has an important underlying relationship with a lot of what l talk about below, and forms a significant part of Raizen and therefore Hokushin's narrative, how their characters are portrayed and framed, aaaand this is already really long. 

With all that in mind, this is one person’s interpretation! I’m no expert, I mostly just read a lot of stuff when I get obsessed with it (usually for storytelling/comics research, and then forget everything soon after lol). In any case, it'd be boring if my ideas on Hokushin were the only ones that exist, and the point of fanworks is to create for personal enjoyment/fulfillment, so please make of it what you will! All I hope is that this was at least somewhat interesting/informative and helps give people more material and more love for Hokushin =D

The loyal retainer archetype

Hokushin's character is very strongly tied to the perceived classic Japanese archetype of the loyal servant/retainer and samurai (bushi/warrior class) ideals. They come with a very distinct paradigm and set of principles. Here’s a simplified summary. 

Purpose, honour and thereby happiness comes from selfless loyalty and servitude. The fulfillment of your existence is to serve the will of your master. 

The ideal/collective whole is prioritized above an (your) individual existence. There is a greater goal that you are merely one small aspect of, and you may not even expect to understand it.

Death is not necessarily perceived as a worst-case scenario, and can be viewed as the most honourable alternative to violating your own or someone else's principles, particularly that of your master. And in some cases, it may even not be an alternative. Death is not an end, but a means to an end usually to support the beliefs held in the previous two points.

We can reference the 8 virtues of bushido - the way of the warrior, sometimes called the samurai code. Now, bear in mind nobody necessarily went around going “I’m a samurai, and this is the code I follow.” This is a list formalized in the late 19th century by writer Nitobe Inazo to explain a concept of bushido and Japanese culture for a Western audience, and then it basically got absorbed back into Japan. Thus, bushido is a pretty heavily romanticized thing, and... anyway that’s beyond the scope of this post lol. The virtues are:

Righteousness (also rendered rectitude, justice)

Courage

Benevolence/mercy

Politeness

Honesty/sincerity

Honour

Duty/Loyalty

Character/self-control

BASICALLY A HOKUSHIN RECIPE, AMIRITE?? There are also particular aesthetic sensibilities to the execution of this archetype partly based on how Japanese history and culture evolved. Bearing and sensitivity matters, more is said in what is not said, there’s stoicism and elegance and refinement and poetry etc. Mono no aware and transience of life and all that stuff.

Essentially, even if such a character disagrees fundamentally with their master's reasoning, it's not unusual for a "true" servant to still abandon their family or their lovers and follow or even precede their master to death in order to uphold their master’s principles. 

In the series, Hokushin says that he doesn't understand the king's reasons for his self-imposed abstinence, but that he still supports the king’s will. Later in the arc, he demonstrates the truth of his statement when he obviously doesn't agree with Yusuke's outrageous tactics regarding the future of their kingdom and the entire Demon World, but upholds it regardless. (As I noted in One and a Half Revolutions, the most "disobedient” Hokushin gets is when he plots strategy with the other monks for what they should do if they end up fighting each other during the tournament, and Yusuke is like YO KNOCK IT OFF NO THROWING FIGHTS. AND ESPECIALLY NOT TO MAKE ME EMPEROR. And Hokushin’s like, well you said you’re not our king anymore, so we don’t have to follow you and can do as we wish. And what we wish to do is make you Emperor. So what’s your issue. And Yusuke is like THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT)

This archetype is also NOTORIOUS for assuming a huge burden of responsibility and/or shame on behalf of their master, often in secret, for maximum service/honour value (and narrative/dramatic impact). The legendary Ako incident (the 47 ronin) is a famous historical example.

This intense commitment can be tricky to depict because you have to finely balance outward stoicism and emotional resonance, and you also want to temper things to make a character more nuanced and not just a flat stereotype - e.g., a "you say jump, I jump" personality or have readers going "omg why is this character so spineless/stupid", ridiculous levels of melodrama, etc. You still want people to be able to empathize with the character and to really feel for them when they make decisions that may otherwise seem extreme or incomprehensible. (Although in many ways there's an Eastern/Western philosophical difference in the perception and understanding of this. A simple modern example that comes to mind is in Pacific Rim, when Raleigh asks Mako why she's so obedient to Pentecost and she replies (paraphrased from memory), "It's not obedience. It's respect.")

The Hokushin decision-making flowchart

I use this very rough mental outline as a general guide if I’m struggling to decide whether or not Hokushin would do something significant. Bearing in mind interesting opportunities are usually not black and white, so “yes” and “no” below are usually more like, “yeah pretty much...” or “no, kinda not...” lol

Is it in accordance with his values? * If yes: go for it. * If no:

Is it in accordance with the will/principles of his master (Raizen, Yusuke, or whomever he’s committed to serve)? * If yes, go for it. * If no:

Does it ultimately aid the endgoals/ideals of his master? * If no: forget it. * If yes:

Can any negative consequences be minimized to affecting Hokushin only or mostly (e.g., punishment or humiliation or capture or whatever) with little to no long-term effects for his master? * If yes: DO IT!!! * If no: FIGURE SOMETHING OUT TO MAKE THIS ANSWER YES!!!!  

Situations of deceit must be handled carefully, especially as honour is a major element of this archetype. The above flowchart can sometimes help... That said, deceit can be particularly challenging to contrive within the master and servant relationship. While we don't see Raizen and Hokushin directly interacting in the series, there's extremely strong implied trust between them. We can see this from how they speak of each other to other characters, namely Yusuke. We can also extrapolate aspects of their relationship from how Yusuke and Hokushin interact, because it's repeatedly emphasized that Yusuke and Raizen are quite similar fundamentally, and Hokushin clearly assumes Yusuke will succeed Raizen.

Yusuke and Hokushin: the initial meeting

In their first meeting, Yusuke’s absolutely furious at being misled by Hokushin. The beautiful thing about the setup of this deceit is how it:

Allows us to see the values and personalities of both characters.

Enables Yusuke and Hokushin to evaluate each other.

Establishes and enhances the dynamics of their relationship.

The above lies in Yusuke’s reaction to a particular piece of information being withheld, and how Hokushin handles the situation after being called out. Remember:

Lying is generally not in line with the loyal retainer/Hokushin’s values.

Honesty and straightforwardness are also big for Yusuke.

With point 1, Hokushin deceives not by lying but by leaving out significant information: that he - and potentially by implication, some % of Raizen’s followers - still eats humans so that they don’t get weak and die. His rationale for doing so is that Yusuke, being formerly human and having lots of people close to him who are human, would have a hard time getting past that fact if he learned this on their first meeting, and would not be willing to follow them to the Demon World. Totally reasonable assumption. If Yusuke doesn’t know, he’s more likely to be receptive to joining their kingdom, which protects the interests of his king and the safety of his people. This passes our flowchart with flying colours. (I elaborate on this a bit more in A Song on All Sides.)

However, when Yusuke figures out what happened, point 2 makes this especially problematic for their relationship. We know Yusuke is all about gut feelings and first impressions, so this could’ve been an awful miscalculation on Hokushin’s part.

When I’ve talked about this scene in the past, I usually focus on how in the next few moments Hokushin’s actions allow him to pass Yusuke’s assessment of whether or not he’s trustworthy. But what’s especially great about it is that judgement is actually going both ways. Before Yusuke explains his position, Hokushin’s politeness is his professional courtesy - he’s doing his duty as Raizen’s retainer. As Yusuke speaks in both manga and anime, you can see the exact moment when Hokushin decides Yusuke is a worthy successor. When Yusuke finishes talking, Hokushin’s manner changes - I’d say subtly, but since he essentially gushes about how much Yusuke resembles Raizen for several lines that’s not really true lmao.

In any case, now that Yusuke’s been deemed worthy, Hokushin steps up immediately to rectify his mistake. And merely admitting an error and explaining himself isn’t gonna cut it in meeting Yusuke’s values - that’s just the bare minimum. A good retainer must know their master so well that they anticipate and go beyond what is merely being requested.

So when Yusuke asks for honesty, not only does Hokushin give that, he takes it one step further with his very succinct, very personal answer to Yusuke’s question of why he follows Raizen. (Paraphrased) "Because King Raizen is like you. Fighting at his side makes me happy. That's everything to me." I can't think of a more perfect reply to mollify, impress and intrigue Yusuke as quickly as that. And in both manga and anime they give Yusuke this little pause as he takes it in - the animation team makes this even more exaggerated than what Togashi did. What I also love is that the dialogue in this scene strongly implies that Hokushin knew how to respond because he knew Raizen so well.

Obviously more stuff happens in the year and a half they spend together in the Makai. Whatever happens, it's clear Yusuke comes to trust Hokushin a lot. He even tells him private, personal things of a nature we don't see him sharing with any other characters. To me, this signals that Hokushin did what a good loyal retainer does, which is to get what makes Yusuke tick and not repeat the same mistake again. (Which is why I always get annoyed at that unnecessary scene they added in the anime version of the tournament... ANYWAYS lol)

Yusuke and Hokushin: the duty of the master

Yusuke starts the series as a solitary delinquent. He despises convention and authority, and dependence on others is a pain. He generally puts on a disaffected attitude, and he often downplays serious emotions with distracting and emotionally shielding tactics like sarcasm. For a character like him, it’s pretty easy to imagine him being all “What the hell, I don’t want to be king! I don’t need a servant!! Go away”. To reject Hokushin’s presence or role totally wouldn’t be out of character. 

One of the things I love about the dynamics between Yusuke and Hokushin is that Yusuke clearly gets Hokushin's mindset, and because of it, steps up in order to be able to reciprocate the relationship. In the classic ideal, the existence of the master gives the retainer’s existence purpose. A warrior without a master is considered ronin, which is a very shameful status. The master’s duty is to be(come) worthy of the loyal retainer’s devotion and to recognize the latter’s value and loyalty, often in unspoken ways.

Yusuke doesn’t want to be king - he outright says that he doesn’t think himself smart enough to take care of everyone in his kingdom. But he accepts the responsibility of his role in his relationship with Hokushin.

Yusuke’s conversations with Hokushin tend to be discussions that are not only honest but also mature. He takes good opportunities to rely on, and to acknowledge, Hokushin as a retainer without hesitation and without pretending complaint. He actually behaves a lot like a lord in the classic relationship in terms of conveying authority, direction, and intimate concerns (in his Yusuke way lol). 

In the meeting with Yomi, Yusuke’s use of the rurimaru is shocking to Hokushin, but when you watch the way the scene is carried off, he bears himself really well in his role. He didn’t carve the rurimaru just because he couldn’t find paper for his lottery names - he specifically chose to do it to the rurimaru, and their value is clearly taken into consideration for his purpose. He also doesn’t crack jokes about having vandalized the gemstones, which, again, would not have been out of character for Yusuke. Instead, he merely presents them exactly the way they should be - as a gift - to ensure he gets Yomi’s attention about his proposal. His body language is dead serious, and he also doesn’t address Hokushin's shocked reactions through the entire scene. He only addresses Yomi. This is totally appropriate form as one ruler to another. 

And even after the kingdom is dissolved, Yusuke doesn’t abandon his people, nor shoo Hokushin off. Hokushin is nearly always at his side throughout the tournament. If we look back at the principles of the loyal retainer archetype, one of the things worse than death is to be told by their master "I don't want you for a servant. You’re a useless burden to me". Of course, another aspect of the archetype is that actions speak louder, so the worst would be actually doing things that reinforce/confirm that statement, but it would still be extremely wounding.

A very clear demonstration of the above is when the two of them arrive at the edge of Yomi's territory. The conversation is basically as follows.

Yusuke: OK thanks for guiding me here. You go home now. Dangerous I go alone you know the drill. Hokushin: No, I'm coming with you. You’re my king. It's my duty to protect you. Yusuke: *after a pause* OK fine behave yourself.

with no further argument from Yusuke. No complaints about being called king, no sarcastic remarks about having a tagalong, nothing. Which is not something we usually see or would expect from him. The emotionally downplayed way the entire conversation happens is also very typical. In light of his character and the dynamics of the master-retainer relationship, Yusuke’s behaviour is extremely thoughtful and kind. 

Yusuke and Hokushin: the duty of the servant

So Yusuke weighed Hokushin’s response and knew there there was no way Hokushin would have let him go into enemy territory alone. So? It’s not like it’s the first time he’s ever disagreed with someone over how something should be done. So what’s different about this situation, compared to how things might have gone down with any other character who is very close to/invested in Yusuke and has previously confirmed they WOULD be willing to risk death for him - Keiko or Kuwabara, for example?

The difference (aside from the fact that they’re civilians and Hokushin’s a warrior, and Hokushin’s obviously a lot stronger and more likely to survive in most situations) is that Keiko and Kuwabara are Yusuke’s friends. Or more, if you want. But even for other people close to Yusuke who ARE warriors, the biggest difference is that they are not bound in servitude to him. Again, the keyword here is duty - and that concept is huge. Yusuke’s friends want to help him. Hokushin wants to help Yusuke too, but not only that, he MUST help Yusuke. His very existence is an obligation to do so. In some cultures, especially modern ones where the emphasis is on the individual, this can be difficult to appreciate and/or seen as an illogical insanity, but it’s a matter of fact for the loyal retainer. They see themselves as an extension of the will of their master.  

Keiko and Kuwabara and any of Yusuke’s other friends mentally would have a normal person pause of “This is ridiculous, stupid Yusuke, you’re crazy!!” and still try to do self-preserving-type things in most instances. To some degree, there’s still an aspect of their decision-making that is not only about Yusuke. They still have a sense that in their relationship with him, they have roles of similar or equal value/weight.

That’s absolutely not true for the loyal retainer. The servant is not equal to the master and the servant firmly believes this because that’s what their existence is defined by. Plus those ingrained principles. For Hokushin, there’d be no normal person pause. We’d zip through that flowchart and he’d be like “You’re crazy. But you’re my king. Guess I’ll die” and like jump into an active volcano or whatever. He would be completely and unhesitatingly willing do something, whether it’s spur-of-the moment or deliberately planned, that would result in death if he thought it’d help safeguard Yusuke/achieve Yusuke’s endgoal. And obviously that's the last thing Yusuke wants.

With this character archetype, this is where a lot of stories end up going for the “and then one of them pretended to let the other person have their way before SURPRISE KNOCKING THE OTHER PERSON UNCONSCIOUS TO PROTECT THEM, and then they went on to do their selfless ‘getting killed in your place’ thing” which I’m super glad Togashi never resorts to. Since all the above builds up to a huge part of what makes the reveal of Yusuke’s gift to Yomi extra effective - Hokushin’s reactions. This is largely why the scene is so comical, because Hokushin’s manner grows more and more freaked out - and entertaining, being in direct contrast to his stoic retainer archetype. Meanwhile, as mentioned previously, Yusuke’s bearing (if not his manner of speaking...) is exactly as a lord in the midst of negotiations would be. (My favourite part is where Hokushin still tries his best to address Yusuke properly as king, before losing it when he finds out Yusuke vandalized the rurimaru. In the manga, his expressions are beyond hilarious. In the anime, his scramble to recover the appropriate body language is really cute. His constantly shifting expressions throughout the background of this entire episode are great too. I always really like the faces in the episodes directed by Enomoto Akihiro.)

Finally, food.

One more challenge with Hokushin is his diet. He needs to eat humans or will suffer from the same malnutrition that is sapping Raizen’s energy and killing him. At the same time, he’s depicted as a character of integrity and compassion, so I always feel obligated to think carefully about the topic of procuring a human for food. I take a stab at an idea in the prequel Mirror Most Dark. However, the approach isn’t very feasible for the time period of actual Yu Yu Hakusho.

From a writing perspective, the problem is one of scale. It goes beyond Hokushin as an individual to the situation of a reliable/sustainable food source in Raizen’s kingdom for the % of Raizen’s population that needs it. And whatever it is, Hokushin is likely highly involved as the main instrument of Raizen’s will. I have some ideas but haven’t really cared to flesh (haha) them out to a point that’s satisfactory to me yet, so it’s only barely touched on in One and a Half Revolutions. This is far less of an issue after the series ends, when you can easily come up with ideas on how they’re looking for or have found alternatives, but during the time period of the actual series your options are more restricted. 

I have lots more stuff around these themes and ideas planned for North Bound too I JUST NEED TO GET AROUND TO DRAWING THEM

In conclusion, thank you for reading this mess lmao.

[yaz-the-spaz]

The Super Ridiculous Twelve Playlist

so...wound up making a playlist after all because i’m ridiculous lol…the ones without explanations are ones that i felt like didn’t really need much of an explanation but they’ve all been ordered chronologically to align with the story and the progression of the plot how i see them

(fic this is in reference to can be found here and the summary post here)

[note to future readers - to be listened to ONLY after you’ve finished the whole first fic; DO NOT CLICK that read more button if you haven’t finished because spoilers lie ahead]

like toy soldiers by eminem - twelve; mostly for the chorus and also a few other lyrics (especially in the very beginning)

in case by demi lovato - liam; waiting for zayn to come back/come home (throughout the earlier chapters but also as a kid)

nightingale by demi lovato - twelve; shortly after starting to remember liam/himself/his family when he’s still feeling so fragmented and half out of it with the flashbacks and emotions and different pieces of himself

dark times by the weeknd & ed sheeran - twelve/zayn* (and also kind of danny); for all the times twelve (and later zayn) has doubted himself both in general and when it comes to Liam’s feelings for him (mostly only relevant for the first fic but can be loosely applied to parts in the sequel too), tbh this one’s mainly here just for the chorus and dark themes more so than most of the other lyrics, but just pretend when they say “back to these streets” it’s actually “back to [memories of] the bunker” lol and also that it’s “this ain’t the right time for you me to fall in love with me you”

two pieces by demi lovato - liam and twelve

hate that i love you by rihanna & ne-yo - liam and twelve

[i won’t mind by zayn - twelve and liam; needed to be included in this list for reasons but obvi not on spotify so won’t be listed in the actual playlist :(]

whatcha say by jason derulo - liam (lol)…this is literally only for the chorus, for when liam’s waiting on a response to The Note

love is on its way by the jonas brothers (aka the original jb lol) - this one’s for y’all for being so patient waiting for the ziam for 890859284235789784579345 years, a little happy interlude if you will

perfect by ed sheeran - zayn and liam

into you by ariana grande - liam and twelve; right after they first get together (“been waiting and waiting for you to make a move before i make a move” amiright lol)

bad (remix) by wale feat. rihanna - twelve; especially during their first time (“i never made love, i never did, but i sure know how to fuck”) and the times shortly after when he keeps goading liam into it lol (“i’ll be your bad girl, i’ll prove it to you”), ignore the commitment issues part though, although the issues part in general still applies obvi

hands to myself by selena gomez - twelve (mostly), could also loosely be applied to liam if you squint

everyday by ariana grande - twelve mostly, but kind of liam too

halo by beyoncé - twelve mostly, but also liam

ave maria by beyoncé - twelve and liam

i was here by beyoncé - twelve; especially around the scar exposé scene towards the end

survivors by selena gomez - twelve and a little bit liam, also danny

warrior by demi lovato - twelve; also can be seen as the main theme song of this whole fic/verse tbh

praying by kesha - twelve

1+1 by beyoncé - mostly twelve but also liam [but lollll as if twelve really doesn’t know much about guns or fighting]

be alright by ariana grande - liam and zayn, but mostly liam

fire starter by demi lovato - zayn

[bonus - me, myself, and I by beyoncé - twelve; this one’s more of a joke cause of the whole “three of me” thing lol ignore me (it’s really just here for the title/chorus)]

[double bonus - how will i know by whitney houston - twelve; a cute little 80’s bop dedication to twelve’s mini-struggle trying to figure out out if he really loved liam (we been knew the answer was yes since day one lol but he had to figure it out for himself); also my fave song by her besides i will always love you]

[triple bonus - I’m like a lawyer… by fall out boy - twelve; this one’s more because of what it’s about (child soldiers in case anyone’s not aware) than the specific lyrics but some of the lyrics i feel like are still relevant and also the video for sure]

[quadruple bonus - dangerously in love by beyoncé - liam and zayn; just because i love that song and it still applies]

[quintuple bonus - skyscraper by demi lovato - twelve; for obvious reasons]

(can y’all tell i like demi lovato, ariana grande, and beyonce lolll? but frfr though those songs and the lyrics [most of the lyrics anyway] are especially perfect for this fic, feel free to send me suggestions though if you think of any others that you think would be good/fit well too)

play them all on your own or if you want or you can listen to it ready-made here and the bonus songs here (they both should be public but lemme know if either of the links doesn’t work for whatever reason or if any of you have any problems accessing or playing either)…will probably be adding more to the bonus playlist too as i think of them or as you all suggest them

*just wanna make it clear that that wasn’t a mix up and that i’m making a distinction between what applies to twelve and what applies to zayn, especially depending on what part of the story the song aligns with