#Also have been feeling like maybe I might be nonbinary? I dunno thats. a whole different thing I need to figure out fjshdhwb

[thebuttsmcgee]

Happy Pride Month!

[system-of-a-feather]

Opions in the formation of a gender identity and why we as sythems develop so differnt ones?

[Disclaimer Riku told me to throw on here, but we are saying this out of our ass and do not have anything to back it other than what we think. We tried to look up more information on LGBT stuff and DID a while ago for therapy and couldn’t find any good conclusive research about it so to our knowledge its an under-researched aspect of DID. If there is information that contrasts what we say, please give heed to that. We couldn’t find any of it so this is just our thoughts.]

I think gender identity is kinda biologically based as a whole, so I like to think systems have a “as a whole gender identity” but I don’t really think that really matters too much other than a factor to consider into considering if they want to transition or not because I feel the identity / experience of being a gender is something more critical to themselves / disrupted developmental stages that caused shit to be isolated / trauma internalization and shit that is too hard to dismantle all together that its not worth saying “You can’t be XYZ because the system as a whole is ZYX”

Plus something Riku had brought up with the system before, but they’ve been looking at being nonbinary more and realizing just how complex and diverse the experience of gender can be and honestly, with how much of a spectrum is combined with how trauma and dissociation works to sector off parts of selves, and how the development of identity and gender and shit and coming to terms with that is a really complex thing, its only natural that someone who has dissociative barriers might get stuck in one part of the exploration or - to meet social standards better - convince / firmly identify as something other than what they are wired to be because again - gender identity is complex.

We are pretty sure as a whole we are nonbinary as fuck because like 75-85% of our system is on the nonbinary spectrum, but I 100% identify as a female and that’s still valid and Ray identifies 100% as a male and he experiences really bad dysphoria a lot.

I’m not going to say because I’m probably female because of some compartimentalization of a relationship between gender and emotions and/or how we grew up being raised female or anything that I’m not valid in considering myself female. SImilarly, Ray is male for probably a number of trauma / development reasons and he experiences dysphoria to hell and back and maybe it comes from SECRETLY being nonbinary or whatever, but really its not cool or productive to say “Oh you are SECRETLY this gender” when someone firmly feels one way because that is just kinda douchey?

So really, if you really do feel that way, it isn’t anyones place to say “You aren’t REALLY XYZ because you are a system” and thats really douchey tbh. Gender is a personal thing and I think people should keep their heads out of it.

Another thing for systems having a number of genders is also probably associated with introjects of family and media and stuff probably being part of it too.

Like, I really could list out reasons why I’m cis female when most of the system is nonbinary, but at that point does it *really matter* all the reasons if in the end of the day I feel female and feel out of place and really uncomfortable when forced into masculine environments?

Likewise, you could do that for Ray and say hes not really a trans male because hes got all these reasons and that hes secretly nonbinary, but again, does it *really matter* when in the end of the day if he was given a chance he would fully transition, use he/him, experiences severe dysphoria at being in a female body and all that? Really at what point does that matter?

I do feel the only case I might feel like it might be a problem if the body is cis, most alters are cis, and the only parts that aren’t cis are really stereotyped and stigmatized representation of the LGBT or anything, but even then, I really don’t feel it is my place to draw the line? 

Like, when it gets to the conversation of “what systems are too cis to speak”, you start drawing lines in the sand based on subjective personal opinions and at that point its probably an opinion best kept to yourself and personal circles so I’m not gonna be like “THATS BAD” unless its REALLY god damn stigmatizing to the LGBT and shit

I dunno tho, those are the opinions on that.

-Aderis (Seriously why am I cis in this system, it makes me feel out of place)

[flamewyrmz]

a late night rant from twitter im putting in one place, because its a trainwreck of several threads there. mostly copy/paste and still not proofread, but a collection of thoughts on gender, sexuality, personal identity, and love and support within the lgbtq community. i do really lay myself bare here so id like to ask that if you disagree or have criticism you do so respectfully and with that in mind, thank you <3 and if this means something to you itd mean the world to me if you shared it

dunno if ive said this here before but like. if you think you might be bi/pan but youre on the fence cos maybe youve never had a crush on a nonfictional guy or get more crushes on guys than on girls and you find yourself tied up in knots like "well im gay but im also attracted to nonbinary people unless theyre mostly woman-aligned but i dont wanna say im bi/pan because then people will think i like girls and like i like them theoretically but--" let go. just say fuck it! im bi/pan! 

try it out and if it doesnt feel right it doesnt feel right and thats fine and in the end no matter what youll have learned a little about yourself. this is actually my advice on any gender/sexuality dilemmas you might be having. go wild. try it out. see how it feels. dont feel like you have to confine yourself to something just because youve stuck with it for some amount of time. 

if youre questioning dive right into the deep end! no matter how it goes youll be a better swimmer in the end. its all not quite rigid and a little fluid anyways (for some more than others obv) so if youre unsure, man... go for it. its ok to backpedal

--

this is important advice to me because ive struggled with it multiple times in the past and this has only recently clicked and i really wish it had sooner. first it was with being... not straight in general. like i was actively dating someone of the same gender and i never considered that that meant, uh, im not straight. always "do you like boys or girl?" "uhhhhhhhhh. uh. UH" 

then with being in the range of aro/ace spect. then with being nonbinary! then with being nb but primarily male. and then goddammit im just a boy. accepting that God I Love Men And Only Men (and with it that i *wasnt* aro or ace in ANY capacity) and then, very recently (like up until a couple months ago. like im p sure this year. not 2017), going back on that and admitting i was bi. it is so so freeing to just say "fuck it" and test those waters!

hell, you find something you resonate with but looks a little silly? go for it! use those bun/buns/bunself pronouns. go with stargender! ace-flux demibiromantic? hell yeah rock that shit! it can always change and you can always decide its not right and go back! h4y dudes

--

all of that especially goes for teens who dont know what the fuck theyre doing. im only 20 yea and barely 20 at that but man i wish id heard this sooner

and please dont take that as me saying "well if youre a lesbian sexuality is fluid and maybe youre actually bi"! hell no. if youre a lesbian and you KNOW youre and lesbian and couldnt ever be anything else then rock on you funky little lesbian! but if you id as a lesbian but are teetering on something like "well im attracted to some fictional and theoretical men but not any real ones and maybe its just compulsory heterosexuality but im not sure and--" dont be afraid to try a different label. its all what feels right to you and theres absolutely no harm

--

people bash on like. """mogai genders""" and nounself pronouns and the split attraction model and all that and like. yeah! those things can hurt people! personally i struggled with the split attraction bit combined with how broadly people define the ace spectrum. it can be used to hurt. and it is used to hurt. sometimes its deliberate, sometimes its not. but the hurt is there. but its not inherently good or bad. 

and yeah, some of it sounds silly. hell, it sounds silly to me sometimes! but to some people hearing that label makes everything click into place, even if just for a little bit, and i take that very seriously. it is one of the best feelings in the world and i want as many lgbtq people (of any age) to experience it. 

for some people it feels right to zoom waaaaaaay in and section it into lots of little bits and for others its "fuck it! i dont know shit! im just queer!" and those are both equally valid (that words been thru 12 garbage disposals but i cant think of a better one) maybe you go back n forth and thats fine too! as long as youre open to it changing or being wrong it cant hurt and, like i said, its one of the best possible feelings to have it click like that

--

as an aside: being bi can *totally* mean "im attracted to men and nonbinary people are long are they arent primarily woman-aligned" or it can mean "im attracted to everyone fuck it" personally? i use bi over pan because i feel like it better encapsulates that i *do* have preferences (i say this all the time but God I Love Men) but ultimately gender doesnt really matter to me cos everyones cute and hot and generally attractive and im not leaving anyone out because im just a little more inclined to kissing boys. but thats me!

--

as Another aside: i do still to some degree identify with uhh this is gonna sound contradictory but agender boy? or more like boy agender? boygender with left none? i just dont personally feel like its worth taking the time to explain over n over. but it used to be, for me, n i dont regret that a single bit! i wouldnt regret that even if i *didnt* still feel that way in any capacity. honestly? 

i dont regret any of the ways ive identified in the past even though feeling stuck and cornered into some got a little harmful to me (and if youve gone through somethin similar and DO regret it and wish youd never heard whatever term you used thats good too. im very strongly advocating for "use whatever labels you want and if it dont fit it dont fit" here but if they did hurt you and youre still hurting about it i understand 100% just dont use it to pull others down. if it concerns you say your piece and let them decide)

--

this is personally a little hard to admit so bear with me here 

honestly? ANY sort of strong identity didnt start developing in me until i was.... 14 or so? and very slowly at that. like gender evened out around 18 and sexuality just a few months ago LMAO. but up until i was a teenager i didnt really feel much of anything re: gender or attraction (and the attraction thing is pretty normal for kids and even teens tbqh!) 

and i just.... didnt really think about it! i had This Name and apparently was a girl and i didnt really get what it was like to BE a girl but thats what people said and i didnt know there were other options so i went with it! the name didnt bother me either (except for when people made jokes about a Certain Historical Figure with the same one. just thinking about that i get tired) 

and when it came time to actually grapple with the whole concept of being *into* people i just kinda... slunk away! no joke until like 10th grade if someone started a rumor that i was dating x or y had a crush on me i would start to avoid them entirely. lost a friend in 4th grade that way but then in hs hed turned into a TOTAL DICK so no loss there. i think part of that was also people making the assumption that i was straight though? big shrug! 

i didnt even realize attraction was a thing i had until i got asked out and just kind of "oh wow??? that sounds so nice??? i feel the same??? yes??" and thats WHY i went thru varying aro/ace labels. cos it unfolded slowly (which again is totally normal if youre a teenager, so dont worry about it if youre going thru that. roll with the punches. and if youre a teen and youve got it figured out? thats totally normal too!) 

and the gender thing was similar once i learned that it was an actual possibility (especially being nb, and ESPECIALLY especially being agender) i slowly just... poked at it until i figured something out (fun fact: what set me off to finally go "fuck it im not a girl at all" was being stuck in an awful hair salon chair while my mom got a haircut that took FOREVERRRRRRRRR and i was having godawful period cramps. like i knew not being a girl wouldnt DO anything about them but i made that decision then n there n didnt look back!) 

and then i kept pokin at it and watching it like the seed id planted finally started to sprout and i realized i didnt actually know what kind of seed it WAS. i guess ive always been very nebulous in those aspects and its just now forming into something solid. like i said, its a little hard to admit and i... dont think ive actually talked about this in this depth before to, like, anyone? 

because the "oh ive always known" narrative is the only one you ever see in popular media and sometimes even from the community itself! and theres nothing wrong with having always known! but theres also nothing wrong with being like me! but i still feel a little anxious talking about it like it somehow means im a sham. 

hell, id even go so far as to say i WAS a girl as a kid! i WAS varying shades of agender and nonbinary and ???? as a teen, and i AM, like, 95% a guy right now! maybe in a few years ill be something else. none of those things contradict each other. things like that can change! its not set in stone (but like i said: for some people it is! or, like, set in slime that you left out for 5 years so now its pretty much a rock but if you really try it still squishes into something else?? none of these things invalidate the others! were all unique). 

i wouldnt say that at any point ive been cis or straight, cos even when i just went with being a girl and stuff it was always a little ??? but, yknow. even if i HAD been those things at some point it wouldnt matter to me? things just are the way they are and were the way they were

--

im making myself really vulnerable here and my thought process is a mess and i ramble and repeat myself and my memory and attention span is like 2 seconds and i dont proofread but. its important i think. i dont have a lot of followers and fewer still thatre active but... that really doesnt matter. 

maybe someone will retweet at least one of these messy, messy threads. maybe link it to a friend. maybe screenshot it and post it on tumblr [note: LMAO YEAH AND ITS YOU DUMBASS], or to keep for themself. if any of my words help anyone out even a little then it matters and honestly? then its the most important thing in the whole danged world. if even one person sees any of the things ive said tonight and it means *anything* to them, even if just "oh, im not alone in this" then ive succeeded here. 

i dont want any of us to ever feel trapped or alone because shit! lifes too fuckin short for that! its goddamn hard being anything but cisgender and straight! sometimes it sucks! like really sucks! there have been so many times ive broken down completely over being trans and felt like, for myself, its the most awful thing in the world. its why prides so important. its why community is so important. 

because even when the pressure of the world brings you down so low you think youll never escape theres something or someone there to take your hand and pull you back up, put you on your feet, and say "i know its hard. and itll get hard again. but i believe in you, and youre strong enough for this, and im here with you through every step". that goes for anyone but especially goes for us. and im not just talking about lgbtq youth here. all of us. which is *why* im laying myself completely bare here. 

most of this stuff? ive either never talked about or only vaguely mentioned. but im putting it out there. because there was a point where i needed it but didnt have it, and even if its just one person, i want to give someone this advice so at least they dont have to deal with the same stuff i did. and if youre reading this? i love you. im here for you. im my dms are always open and if for some reason they arent its almost definitely an accident and if you say something ill reopen them. 

and if youre someone who hates me? maybe even mutually? if it came down to it id let you come to me at your lowest moment, no questions asked, no judgement held, and at the end of it still be the same kind of enemies we were before and never speak again. there are some exceptions of course but honestly ill forgive a lot for someone who needs that kind of support. and if youre one of the people this applies to, i know youll probably never take me up on it. i dont expect you to. i dont expect you to even for a second be comfortable with that idea. thats fine. but if for some reason you ever need it, its there. 

i can count on one hand the ex friends that i wouldnt give that to and thats ONLY because theyve legitimately hurt me and left lasting damage (and for some of them? its mutual. and im sorry for that, regardless of how i feel about your treatment of me im truly sorry for my actions. that probably sounds fake and anyway i digress) 

and if youre a complete stranger? someone who follows me but has never interacted with anything ive posted? a mutual i havent spoken to yet? im here. and im bumbling, and awkward, and not the best at comfort but you can always come to me if you need someone. im only one man and im under a lot of stress but i swear ill do the best i can, even if its only reading and replying 3 days later and even then just listening and offer whatever gentle comfort or reassurance youll accept. 

because thats important to me. thats the impact i want to leave on this world. i dont ever want anyone to feel as small, as scared, as worthless, as alone as i have. im no fighter. im not going to lead any revolutions and hell im too anxious to even go to protests but im here for support. im here to help and heal. and thats important too

--

and if you listened to that? thank you. if you just skimmed? thank you for that too. if you shared it with someone? thank you (so much). and if you dont? thank you anyways, just for the time

just know this: i love you. i dont care who you are, if youre reading this i love you and im behind you 100%. im here if you need it. stay strong, do something that makes you smile if only for a moment. take that leap of faith. dont restrict yourself for even a second

i meant to go to bed at least two hours ago so goodnight <3 be safe, drink some water, if you have any kind of pet give it some love. take care of yourself. youre the most important person in your own world and never forget that, even if you dont think you are. even if theres something or someone you treasure above everything else. dont diminish your own worth! you are alive, and you are here, and theres nothing more important than that, really. the things you love matter more than anything else. hold them close

[nebulawriter]

Voltron Season 2

Overall, I am VERY VERY HAPPY with this and eagerly look forward to Season 3, but in the meantime, will enjoy what we have and look forward to making fanfictions with all this!

Because Voltron is so character heavy, we’ll divide this by characters and groups. 

Main Cast, from least fave in the season to most:

Hunk--I am very disappointed with the way Hunk was portrayed this season. It was my biggest issue with the season as a whole. The Hunk we got in the first season was a mechanical GENIUS, had a great sense of humor, and was a true and loyal friend who, yes, had a passion for good food. In the second season, it felt like he was reduced to food. That was his only characterization. Any time they needed a joke from hunk it was about how he was thinking of space tacos or calzones or how he farted and vomited a lot. This was most apparent #1 in episode 4, where I understand it was supposed to be a pidge-centric episode, but you can’t tell me Hunk wouldn’t be just as enthralled with the amazing machines of the Omikari (am I spelling that right? IDK) and #2 in episode 7 Space Mall, where Hunk took over as chef instead of, I dunno, FIXING THE ROBOT. Don’t tell me he couldn’t. Oh, Also, Why was he being so MEAN to Keith in The Belly of the Weblum? Like, I get his being a Galra would make him awkward, but some of his lines were...well, really mean. That’s not really Hunk’s style. 

Lance--not AS disappointed, but I feel like more could have been done with just a couple switches. Most importantly in Escape from Beta Traz, which was kinda like ‘his episode’ I felt that it was less his insecurities about himself (which were definitely there) and more about how his friends see him? What with the way he got that way when Pidge insulted him, and...I mean, I GUESS that was resolved with Shiro complimenting him, but. I was going for something deeper, I think. Some kind of raw emotion. I wanted them to make Lance cry is what I’m saying. 

Coran--is an amazing, amazing character though I wish he would get some of his own juicy screen time. But hilarious, absolutely hilarious. 

Allura--I liked the way they dealt with her coming to terms with Keith. I sorta wish Coran or Shiro called her out for it, but it made sense. I know people are going to bully her and say she was racist (I’ve already seen it) and yeah, it was wrong of her to lump Keith in with the other Galra, no question, but...her people were literally genocided. I don’t know if thats a word, but. All of them. ALL her people. And she’s still young, so she doesn’t know how to handle it all well, but she did eventually come around. So, I’m satisfied. I wish we got to see her kick some more ass on the Balmera, but what we got was acceptable. 

Pidge--I am satisfied with Pidge’s character here. They were funny, smart, got to come into their own a bit. Vines are a...weird power to have, but okay. Could be worse. And she has another hint at where her brother might be! I look forward to this. OH! and if you’ve noticed the pronoun shift I have firmly adapted to nonbinary pidge canon, primarily for the bathrooms. Like. Choosing between the two felt like a strong hint towards Pidge being unsure which gender they fit under. So, I think they might still be coming to terms with that, but. Thats where I am with that. 

Shiro--Where art thou????? But really, this was some good characterization for Shiro, between settling in as the Black Paladin, dealing with Keith, dealing with the Blade of Marmora...just in general real good. And we got to see some paladin backstory through the eyes of the black lion! I wonder if they’re ALL made of that asteroid stuff, or just Black. I think this was very important, as last season he seemed unsure if he was ‘worthy’ of Black, so to see him fight for Black was nice. 

Keith--is it any surprise Keith had my fave development this season? Mostly because he had the MOST development this season? I think it was all handled very nicely, very in character, and while on one hand I’m sad to see it may have taken time out from some other character’s development, I coulda used even more. I don’t appreciate as much the writers dangling Keith and Shiro’s backstory over our heads, but I want to know what it IS. Also, I truly believe that the stranger in the Weblum is his mother. I’ve seen theories that state it was Lotor, but I disagree. First off, I don’t think Lotor could have been missing that long, and also, why would he be wearing ORANGE armor and not the traditional red or grey? Second, I know Keith called the stranger ‘he’ but thats because the kid was raised in a patriarchal society and assumed things. Personally, the way the character was standing in certain shots felt more like a woman’s stance (thinking in terms purely of character design and animation) and so, that is my theory. Also the shack was where he lived with his dad???? I was surprised by that, I had assumed he found it after he got booted from the Garrison so he could search for Blue, but. Hmm. HMMMM.

Others:

Villains--I was glad to see a seed of tension between Haggar and Zarkon, that felt more interesting to me storywise than the both of them going “mwahahaha we will soon have them.” Also, is Zarkon fucking dead? I’ll have to rewatch. Oh yeah, and Haggar’s an Altean. Who knew? I swear, though, if those theories I saw about her being Allura’s mother are true I QUIT. Honestly, looking at the OG design for Prince Lotor, I might not be surprised if he’s the son of Zarkon and Haggar (not that I want to think about THAT relationship (shiver)). So, we’ll see, I look forward to seeing Lotor’s design+Character. 

The Blade of Marmora--I was sad about Thace and....that other guy....but not as much as I maybe should have. IDK they were an interesting plot device? Also, are there any women Galra? Like, I suspect Keith’s mom, but....you couldn’t have thrown in some lady villains or rebels or something? Please?

Omikiri: They were a fun race. I wish we got to see more of the slave who was working for the King? He seemed interesting. But otherwise, cool, helpful people are helpful. 

Slav.--Uh. Hm. I want to know who voiced him. Its just. With the accent it felt like they were trying to do a stereotype, and a fairly offensive one at that. Maybe thats just me, and actually Indian people can say that its not stereotypical to have a character with an accent, which...is true but...hmm. I felt uneasy. Its just weird with so many diverse characters in the cast that this is what they try to do. Outside the accent, though, it was funny seeing a character test Shiro’s seemingly limitless patience. 

Other others--Shay was there! didn’t expect that. Varkon the mall cop was glorious (was that Al Yankovic? I know he was supposed to be in this season and that felt like the most him character, but its hard to tell sometimes) The various Galra mini-bosses were funny in a pathetic kinda way, though I liked the Yupper. The mermaids were a thing, we didn’t get to see much of them outside brain control, but they were interesting. 

IDK what else to say...Like I said, I look forward to season 3 and also the fanworks that are created in the intervening time.