#Also bonus points if he’s older but also bonus points if he’s like. barely 30/late 20’s but just Has That Vibe

[multiversal-pudding]

Big fan of all the depictions of Mario that have him as a kindly uncle figure guy. Love that for him

[shadow-otousan]

Deciphering the years in which Shadowsan grew up in

 Alternative title: Debunking the supposed fact that Shadowsan is 40+ (I’m looking at you, cs wiki)

Since Shadowsan’s flashback in s02e03, this has been on my mind. After some intense image searching, I can finally share the fruits of my research. 

Let’s cut to the chase. 

This is Shadowsan as a child, then known as Suhara. (Also pictured are most likely his playmates.) The style of clothing they wear, which you can see mostly on the other kids, were fashionable as everyday wear for children during the 60s (and possibly earlier during the late 50s). This nostalgic blog in Japanese in which the author talks about their childhood and details the timeline of the decade, also describes the fashion worn by himself and his peers.

The caption (fortunately in English) as follows:

Children of everyday wear of 1965 is this is it !!

The boy on the far right and the two boys on the far left are wearing the style most similar to what we see in the flashback--sweaters worn over their shirts, and shorts that barely stop at the thighs or, if longer, above the knees. We can safely say that Shadowsan spent his childhood at least somewhere in the mid-60s.

Now on to the second decade and this time, we’ll be looking at Shadowsan and his brother. But first, we’ll be focusing on the most conspicuous example for what was considered the style of that decade.

This is Hideo as a young adult. Now the decade in which this took place was easier to figure. It might help that I had a 70s phase in college lol. The type of glasses he wore originated in the late 60s as a reaction to the unattractive and sometimes even downright butt-ugly spectacles of the past decades (except cat eye glasses but even that was a mixed bag). However, this style of eyewear really peaked in popularity during the 70s and it endured somewhat into the 80s.

Glasses became seen as fashionable with their large, thick, and colorful frames as seen in these ads. Tinted lenses, if we’re talking about sunglasses. Now what only stumps me is that I cannot find the exact example for Hideo’s glasses, as I see only one bridge on his frames instead of the more common two (those are the type of glasses Shadowsan buys for himself during the Fashionista Caper showing us that fashion is cyclical, but I digress). Regardless, the shapes are there.

As for his hair, you can simply find it by typing “70年代 アイドル 男性” in google image search. But for the sake of one example:

The only slight difference is that apparently, most of them parted their hair to the right instead of slightly to the left like Hideo does (and Masashi Sada as you can see above. Bonus points for being the few famous people in Japan who wears glasses so now I’m given the theory that the character designers lowkey based Hideo off of him. Highly unlikely, but it’s a nice thought. While we’re here, check out one of his songs like this one). His hairstyle also lasted until the 80s (because any start of the decade will always have holdovers from the previous one) until perms and hairspray made them even crazier. Hideo’s hairstyle can be describe as ‘feathered.’ Hideo’s clothes lack the then ubiquitous bell-bottom pants and wide lapels of the 70s though I’m chalking that up to even Hideo thinking those were silly (bell-bottoms could actually sweep up the dirt if you don’t wear platform shoes..I also tripped on them twice while walking ;w;).

Next, Shadowsan--este, Suhara as a teen.

Because he’s a rebel, it’s a given that his style does NOT reflect the popular fashion of his youth unless you’re in a gang (or trying to look like you’re a part of one). They seem to have one thing in common though: a buzzcut.

This was a photo of what seems to be gang members, taken by Katsumi Watanabe in 1972. The man on the middle right is the closest we have to Suhara’s style, befitting a misfit of Japanese society. On the contrary to medium-length feathered hair and colorful clothes, such rebels would go out of their way to stick out from the norm. Worth noting that the bosozoku fashion--in which elements of American choppers and 50s greasers are combined with Japanese elements (i.e. gakuran--high school uniform for males, hachimaki, sarashi, tokkou-fuku--”special fighting jacket”, etc.)--did not become quite popular until the 80s, so what Suhara wears is more or less a prototype of what will become the stereotypical look of Japanese delinquents (although those styles have actually coexisted too).

Now with all that out of the way. We can estimate as to how old they really are.

If Shadowsan was a 60s kid, that would place his birth years somewhere during the end of the 50s or the very beginning of the 60s, making him 50 plus or early 60s at the time of the show’s setting (2019).

Hideo, meanwhile, I’m just gonna take a wild guess and say he’s 5 to 7 years older (or even 10 considering how much older he looks compared to his brother in the current show), which would place his birth years squarely in the 50s, beggining, mid, or late. In the show’s setting, that would make him either 60 plus or pushing 70 years old. If 10, mid 70s or plus.

Until a concise number is given to us by the CS crew, I will strictly hold on to these conclusions as their more or less true ages. Of course, everyone is free to disagree because, after all, these are only theories and if they were to be debunked in the future, I won’t be surprised. Just a little heartbroken lol Because I’m not a historian of any sort nor am I Japanese, feel free to add on this or correct me on some mistakes I might have made.

And that concludes this post. Class dismissed ;P

(Last minute addendum: I would also like to point out that though it seems that most VILE operatives recruited are young as some argue that any VILE operative student had to be 20, nowhere in the show does it require only a certain group of young people can join. It might be entirely possible that as long as one is an adult (20 or older), one can join VILE. And Shadowsan, from the looks of it, seems to be in his late 30s or early 40s when he was a student going by his facial features. He just used to look really young bc Asian aging is a paradox. You can be older than you look, vice versa, and suddenly look like your age. But hey, like I said, only theories)

Ok, now I’m done~

[murasaki-murasame]

After a billion years of waiting, the 2nd anniversary digest is out, and even though it didn’t talk about quite as much stuff as I expected, the stuff it DID show off was extremely good on just about every level, and oh boy do I have some thoughts about it, lol.

I’m not even sure where to begin with this one, lmao. There’s so much stuff they talked about, and so much stuff they DIDN’T even talk about. Like how they didn’t talk about the October events and banners even though they’re teased at on the 2nd anniversary website, which I guess means we’ll have to wait longer for info on that.

we also didn’t get any info on a collab, but I assume they’re going to announce that at the start of November and have the collab itself release a few weeks later.

I’m kinda sad that they accidentally leaked out the existence of guns, but I still got to experience all the shock and surprise about it, so that was fun. I’m really surprised that they’re adding a new weapon type so late into the game. Especially since they don’t seem to be planning to retcon any old adventurers into being gun units, which means that they’re going to make up a super tiny portion of the pool. But I still really like how they work, from what we’ve seen of them.

It’s great that Joe got a new gun alt who everyone gets for free, but it really feels like they screwed him over by making him a 3-star, lol. He’s probably gonna get immediately replaced by any light gun units they introduce after this point. But it’s still nice to see him get some love. He was the perfect unit to go for to showcase the new weapon type.

All the changes to weapon and wyrmprints are extremely overwhelming, so it’ll probably be a while until I have an actual opinion on them. But thus far I think it’s fine, but we REALLY need the ability to save wyrmprint set-ups so we don’t have to spend so much time shuffling them about again and again.

It’s kinda sad that it’s such an eldwater sink if you want to equip the same print to multiple units, but it’s much cheaper to do that with event prints, so you can still fill your team out with some good prints. And on the other hand, this is actually why I’m fine with the fact that so many prints are almost identical now, since it means you have way less of a need to actually spend eldwater to get extra copies. There’s like 4+ different prints that all give 30% skill damage, so you’d never actually have a reason to bother getting extra copies of any of them, if you at least already had all these prints before this update. It does make it harder to keep track of if you end up using like 15+ different prints across a whole team, but still, the eldwater cost is more or less avoidable if you just use different prints with the same effects.

I think the weapon bonus thing is going to be the most grindy, long-term part of this update, but I’m cool with it. It gives everyone something to slowly work towards, like when you’re at the stage of leveling your dojos. The issue is that people will want to max their weapon boosts as quickly as possible, but it’s clearly not designed to be rushed like that.

It’ll all take a lot of getting used to, but I’m happy that they’ve drastically cut down on the amount of weapons in the game, and made the progression system more linear. Once everyone gets used to it and more people start playing the game after this update, it’ll become more natural.

We also got a bit of an overhaul to the textures and lighting/rendering for all the 3D models, which still feels like a really strange decision to me. It gives them a really different sort of aesthetic, and I have mixed feelings about it. I think if they made it a bit less ‘harsh’ I’d really like it, but at the moment there’s a bit too much contrast between the lighting and the shading, and the black outlining just looks a bit odd.

We also got the big adventurer balance change, and even though it’ll be a while before we’ve got all the new numbers and stuff for everyone, I already get the feeling that Vice is gonna end up way worse than he was before this. Which is sad, since outright nerfing people always sucks, but I get why they did it. It messed with the balance too much to have a 3-star be in like the top 3 for DPS units across the entire game. At the very least they gave him poison on his S1 so he can afflict that more often now, instead of it just being on his S2.

Just going by what they’ve said, and what we can see in-game, one of the really big changes seems to be how basically all of the healers except Grace now have strength buffs on their S1s, which basically all seem to be 15% for 60 seconds. Which is a really interesting way to make healers more relevant, but I like it. I think it doesn’t stack, so you won’t get as much buff uprime as with dedicated buff units, but it at least means they contribute SOMETHING to the team’s DPS.

One other notable change is how T-Hope now has a 15% strength buff on his S1, which makes it pretty much exactly the same as Patia. So that should make auto eCiella a lot faster, with how often he gets that skill off, lol. This was something I expected him to eventually get via a spiral, but in general a lot of stuff in this balance patch feels like mana spiral upgrades in all but name, which is neat.

Lots of characters also got more status punisher stuff, which should hopefully at least make more units stronger. Most of it’s all pretty self-explanatory, but it’s kinda interesting that Norwin is now a poison punisher unit. I guess it’s one way to make him somewhat relevant to the shadow meta, lol.

They also buffed the older gala units, which is great. At least this way they can put off on establishing the precedent of gala mana spirals, by just directly buffing the old ones. We’ll see how it turns out when all the exact numbers have been datamined, but it seems like they’ve addressed the main isseus with G-Mym, G-Sarisse, G-Ranzal, and G-Euden. 

I also noticed that they added defense debuffs to a fair amount of units, and made a lot of existing defense debuff moves land more often, so that’s interesting.

I’m also pretty excited to try out Pipple with this balance patch, since he now gets a 30% strength buff for himself with his S2. It at least makes it so that it’s always worth using whenever you can.

They didn’t announce anything about new endgame bosses like we expected, but it does sound like we’re still getting some eventually, and it’ll just come up later. Which is a good idea, probably, since we need some time to keep focusing on Agito stuff.

And on the note of the Agito fights, and current endgame content in general, I really like the addition of solo versions of all of them. For one thing it means a new wave of first clear bonuses, but it also means that you can pretty much entirely avoid co-op if you want to. The solo fights seem to give less rewards, but hopefully still enough that you can just stick to doing them exclusively if you want to. I haven’t tried any of it out, but it sounds like they’re all balanced around solo play, which should make it way more easier to do them than it was to try and solo fights that were designed for co-op.

It’s also kinda funny to me that even though they said we’re getting another tier of difficulty for the Agito fights, the only thing we know that we’re getting from it is fancier skins for the Agito weapons. They’ll probably still get stat boosts, but I could see them pretty much just being cosmetic upgrades.

They also upgraded the amount of weekly chests for HDTs and Agitos to five, and it sounds like we’re gonna start getting double drop events for them soon, so that’s great. In general I think this whole update will make it way easier to actually do endgame grinding, especially with the solo fights.

And then there’s the elephant in the room, which is the new battle royale mode. I haven’t tried it yet, but honestly I actually like the sound of it, lol. I absolutely never expected that they’d add something like this, especially since it’s effectively PVP, but it actually sounds perfectly fine. It’ll probably get tweaked as time goes on, but it sounds like you barely even get any extra rewards from it by winning compared to just dying immediately, and the whole mode is designed to have you start from a blank slate where you and everyone else are at the same playing field, so it’s basically entirely skill-based, and you don’t even need to be good at it to get rewards.

I wasn’t even sure how they’d handle PVP in an action RPG like this, but I think this is a good way to go about it.

We’re also getting a return of the time attack mode, which is . . . worrying, but hopefully now that people are much more familiar with both HDTs and Agitos, it’ll go by a lot more smoothly.  I’m surprised they’re even touching this concept again after how badly it was received the first time, but I’m curious to see how it goes. I know a lot of people really liked it, so hopefully it’s balanced so that you can ignore it if you want to, without feeling like you’re missing out on too much.

They also finally got around to adding sparking, which is great. I honestly wasn’t really expecting it at this point, but after the patch notes got revealed yesterday I figured this was probably gonna happen. I know some people would wish it had been introduced earlier, but I’m glad it’s finally a thing. I still don’t think it’s as much of a make or break issue for me as it is for others, but it’s still pretty much an objective bonus over the old/current system. My main concern with sparking, though, has always been that it might lead them to notably tanking the amount of summons we can do each month as F2P players, which would cancel out the good parts of sparking, but I doubt they’d do that.

Either way, it seems to work in exactly the same way as GBF, in that each summon gets you a unique bit of currency, and when you get 300 of it, you can trade it for a featured unit of your choice. But also like with GBF, your sparks reset after each banner and turn into different items that you can exchange at a store for regular in-game items, so your 300 summons all have to be on the same banner, and you can’t just accumulate a spark by summoning across several banners. Though one thing that seems to be different to GBF is that summons done with diamantum give you twice the amount of sparks, which is really interesting, since it really cuts down on the amount of money you’d need to spend to get a spark that way. It’d still be super expensive to do an entire spark just through diamantum, but 150 summons with diamantum is still way cheaper than 300, lol.

If they keep our monthly summon income about the same as it’s been thus far even after they add sparking, I think that we’d be able to do a spark every 6-8 weeks just from event and log-in bonus rewards. At the moment we get around 150-200 summons per month just from all that, so it seems like it’ll be WAY faster to save for a spark than it is in GBF [where outside of specific holiday periods that have free summon events you’re probably looking at 4+ months of saving to be able to spark].

This at least means it’ll be way easier to plan out my hoarding, since I know that as long as I have 300+ summons saved, I can at least spark a new unit I want. And there’s always the possibility of just getting them early and being able to quit while I’m ahead.

And on the note of summons, we’re also getting 330 free summons total between the anniversary and the end of October, which is absolutely insane. Sadly you can’t save up sparks across banners, so you won’t be able to do a spark JUST from that, but it’d go a long way to helping supplement a spark on a specific banner.

It looks like we’re gonna get a short pre-gala of sorts soon that’ll contain all the previous gala units, but I’m probably gonna skip that, outside of the free pulls. The only one I don’t have from that set is Gala Alex, and at this point I’d rather just chase her when she’s in a future gala remix. If it’s anything like the same type of bonus gala we got for the first anniversary, all the featured units on this banner will probably have lower than normal rates to make up for how many of them will be on the banner, so it’d just be a really low-value banner for someone like me who already has all but one of them. I’m also not even sure if I’d be able to get all the way to 300 summons that quickly.

Either way I’m more interested in saving for stuff like Halloween, Christmas, new gala dragons, and New Years.

We’re also getting Gala Zena on the anniversary itself, and I think everyone saw her coming, lol. She’s not a gun unit, though, which is actually a bit lame, even though I figured it wouldn’t happen. Her being an attack-type light staff unit is really interesting, at least if she ends up working like Heinwald, but I’m still not sure if I’d be interested in actually spending resources to try and get her.

The gala banner is also going to have the new girl from the anniversary event, and a Midgardsormr alt. Though it sounds like he’s going to be non-limited, so he’s not our wind gala dragon.

The anniversary event also sounds extremely interesting. It sounds like we’re time-traveling back 1000 years to when Ilia created her religion, and she seems to basically be a punk biker girl, which is extremely cool on so many levels. It also kinda looks like Zethia is going to be the MC of this event, and it might not even feature Euden and co, which would be a nice change of pace.

I thought Ilia might be our new welfare unit, but going by the preview image for the event it looks like it’ll be Mordecai, who looks like he’s gonna end up possessed by Morsayati or something, since he looks a lot like Morsayati’s human form we’ve seen a few times. I hope he’s a gun unit, just so we can get more of them, but we’ll see how it goes.

I’m guessing that Ilia will eventually be playable, but maybe just for the 3rd anniversary event or something.

We also got a tease at the next three main story chapters, which all look really interesting. It seems like the Archangels event is going to pretty immediately become important to the story, and now we’re heading off to North Grastaea. We’re also going to be going to the fairy kingdom eventually, which is cool, especially since the teaser for it heavily implied that Notte will become a playable character then.

Which also reminds me that we’re probably eventually going to get a gun unit from the main story, since we have all the other weapon types already, but I doubt Notte will be a gun unit, lol.

Going by the teasers, I also get the feeling that Leonidas and Chelle will be our next two gala adventurers, and at least one of them, if not both, will probably be a gun unit. I think one of the shots of Leonidas had a gun visible in it, but Chelle’s also apparently the one who introduced guns to the world, so who knows how that’ll turn out. At the very least they did say that we’re gonna start getting new gun units soon, and we might get a lot of them really quickly to help fill out the pool. Which also means that some of the new holiday units might end up using guns, so that’s also worth saving for.

I also get the feeling that we might take a break from gala dragons for a while, since we’ve basically run out of good options for them. But who knows. We still need ones for water and wind.

Hopefully with the spark system in place I’ll be able to spark on at least the Halloween and New Years banners, since those are my top two priorities, but we’ll see how it goes. It’s always scary to enter limited holiday banner hell season, but at least they introduced sparking right before it all starts. At the moment I think I’ve got like 150 summons saved up, but I’ve still got most of my reset co-op rewards to go through, and I haven’t touched the Halloween event they added to the compendium, so that’ll add a lot. I think the anniversary log-in bonus will also give us like 2k wyrmite, and if the retweet event succeeds we’ll get an extra 1.2k wyrmite. So as long as they don’t tank our monthly summon currency, I should be able to spark on Halloween if I can commit to saving for it. Which is much easier said than done, lol.

All in all I think I really love this update, but it REALLY changes the entire game, so it’s gonna take a long time to get used to. And thankfully even with the introduction of stuff like sort-of-PVP, it doesn’t look like they’re going in any sort of P2W direction with the game.

Also, there’s still the 45-minute Game Live presentation set to come later tonight, but I’m not expecting that to tell us much, since it’ll probably be targeted at new players. I’m still holding out hope for a Switch port announcement, though.

[emrose-gold]

Defending the Duke: David Bowie’s “problematic” actions debunked

You’d think that after two years people would have figured it out by now, and yet here we are. Alright let’s get started.

“David Bowie was a sexual predator.”

TW: CSA, statutory rape, rape

This claim originated from an interview with former groupie Lori Mattix of the “Baby Groupie” scene of the 1970s that was republished on The Thrillist the day after David’s death, where she claimed she lost her virginity to him in 1973 when she was 15 years old and he was 26. Additionally, she claimed that she kept seeing him over ten years, however this causes a problem with consistency because David’s personal life was scrutinized more than the average rock star (most likely because of him coming out as bisexual), and the two were never photographed together unlike Mattix’s relationships with other rock stars during the 1970s. More problems with the consistency of her claims include that in some interviews she said she lost her virginity to David and in others she said she had her first time with Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin, and certain circumstances that contradict her side of the story (or stories).

For example, in an 1985 interview with Stephen Davis, she stated that she had her first time with Jimmy Page in 1972 while the band was in California for their summer tour. She later said that she was having sex with David before Page. This provides an inconsistency because David’s Ziggy Stardust tour came to California in October 1972, months after Led Zeppelin’s summer tour. In a later interview, which was made available online in 2009, she said she was a virgin when she met Page.

In an 1986 interview with Peter Gillman, she said that while eating at the Rainbow Bar in March 1973 with her friend and fellow groupie, the late Sable Starr, David spotted her and got his bodyguard to invite her to his suite, and she accepted. She said they had sex for five or six hours and she convinced him to let Starr join them, and all fell asleep afterwards, and the two snuck out before David’s then-wife Angie would arrive. In a different interview with Paul Trynka however, she said that in October 1972 she and Starr snuck into his Beverly Hilton suite and convinced a tired David to sleep with them before they snuck out without being seen.

In the Thrillist interview, Mattix said David approached her in October 1972, but she rejected him. When he came back in March 1973, he called her and invited her to dinner. John Lennon and Yoko Ono joined them for dinner before she and David left for his Beverly Hilton suite, they and Sable Starr had a threesome, and Angie walked in on them the next morning. In addition to her earlier interviews contradicting this so-called recollection, David didn’t meet Lennon until September 1974 when they were introduced to each other by Elizabeth Taylor at one of her parties.  And David stayed at the Hyatt hotel in March 1973, not the Beverly Hilton.

In the same interview, she said she attended a recording session in 1975 when she was 17, where John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Mick Jagger, and a bunch of other artists were there, and she slept with Jagger after the session wrapped up. Another inconsistency with this is that the only time Lennon and McCartney jammed together after the Beatles broke up was the year before, in march 1974. Not only that, there is no evidence to suggest that Jagger was at that session in 1975.

Mattix’s claims were further contradicted by Pamela Des Barnes, another former groupie who was in her 20s during the 1970s (one year younger than David), in her memoir, I’m with the Band. Des Barnes was in a relationship with Jimmy Page by 1972, however she ended their relationship and moved in with Frank and Gail Zappa and worked for them as a nanny in February 1972,  because he was sleeping with Mattix and leaving Des Barnes in the dust. The breakup and move happened a month before David’s tour came to Long Beach, when Mattix claims she lost her virginity to him.

(Additionally, along with changing her story about it many times including how old she was when it happened, she said once how she met him in LA in 1973 five months beforehand, but the his tour didn’t have a stop in California at that point, and the last time he really visited LA at that point was 1972.  She said it happened at the Beverly Hilton in 1973, but the only time he is photographed there is in 1972.)

Sources: X X 

In 1987, he was falsely accused of rape by 30 year-old Wanda Nichols who claimed he exposed her to AIDS. They were both tested and both their results were negative. He was cleared of the charges. (x) (x)

Not to mention that this kind of behavior sounds completely out of his character. On one of his later tours, he threatened to fire his drummer for directing teenage girls to his hotel room (x), according to one of the commentaries of the 1986 Jim Henson film Labyrinth, a kiss scene was originally written but he refused to do it because his co-star Jennifer Connelly was 14 at the time (x), and when he was in the band Tin Machine he wrote the song “Shopping for Girls” which is about and brings awareness to child prostitution in Thailand (x).

Now with that said, this isn’t to say that the “Baby Groupie” scene never happened. Although Mattix obviously lied about him, there are perverts in the rock music industry like Kim Fowley and Gary Glitter, and the whole Baby Groupie scene and the idea of teens having sex with adults were being encouraged in the 70s, according to the June 1973 issue (pages 59–61) of Star Magazine 

and this quiz in the March 1973 issue (pages 62–63) of Star to see if you have what it takes to make an older guy like you.

They were encouraging these young girls to go out, dress up and wear makeup to make themselves look older, act older by smoking and drinking, carry fake IDs, and lie about their ages. Even though I don’t trust her word, I do feel really sorry for her for being manipulated by disgusting men and bad influences in the 70s into thinking this was okay. It’s especially horrid once you consider how rape culture was at a high point in the 70′s and how a lot of disgusting things were being romanticized and encouraged.

(The Runaways promotional poster from the 70s with bodice,  ass and crotch shots of the then teenage girls and  a then 24 year old Tony Parsons calling them nymphets and saying the “young and extremely horny teenage females was a bonus”)

(Love’s Baby Soft Perfume ad from 1975)

Disgusting. Moving on.

“David Bowie was a racist and a n@zi sympathizer.”

This claim came from Bowie’s comments in 1976 under his persona the Thin White Duke that supposedly supported fascism. However, at this time his diet consisted only of milk, red peppers and cocaine, and he really was out of his mind at that time because he was at the height of his cocaine addiction, when he was convinced Jimmy Page was trying to steal his soul, that witches were trying to steal his semen, and wanted an exorcism done on his swimming pool because he believed Satan lived in it. When he was getting clean and coming back to his senses, he became horrified and disgusted of how his image was being used by neo-nazis.  With all that crazy shit and more, do you honestly think he meant all the garbage he said? He was so out of it, he barely had any recollection of recording the album for Christ’s sake. Also, around this time he was photographed supposedly giving a n*zi salute but he was really just waving hello to his fans. He retracted and apologized for his statements in a 1977 interview for Melody Maker and later called the Duke an “ogre,” and again looked back at that period with unkind words in 1983. 

Additionally, while making his blue-eyed soul album Young Americans, he gave credit to where credit was due, saying, “It’s the squashed remains of ethnic music as it survives in the age of Muzak rock, written and sung by a white limey,” and collaborating with Ava Cherry, Luther Vandross, and Carlos Alormar to give the album an authentic soul sound. (x) (x) He also encouraged Nina Simone to continue performing, and a huge supporter of Tina Turner’s career. (x)

David wrote many songs and videos with anti-nazi and anti-racism themes. The “China Girl” video serves to parody Asian female stereotypes as well as to protest colonization by making the lyrics in the POV of a colonizer to show how fucked up the mindset is, and the video, as well as the Let’s Dance video, were made as statements against racism. The Let’s Dance video in particular was very influential in Australia. David even openly criticized MTV for not playing videos from black artists. The first Tin Machine album had a direct anti-fascism and anti-neo n*zi stance. He continued to protest racism throughout his career. 

And also marrying Iman. Yes, yes I know. It’s true that many white celebrities who enter relationships with black partners often do it either as a front or to satisfy some eldritch fetish, and usually try to start relationships with black people who are either naive or ignorant (like, “my black boyfriend said it’s okay” and shit like that). *cough cough* K*rdashians *cough cough* But here’s the thing, this is Iman Abdulmajid we’re talking about here. This is the same woman who started her own cosmetic company for women of color, protested the lack of black models on runways with Naomi Campbell and Bethann Hardison, and supports many charities and human rights causes. Just take a look at her Twitter page. She is absolutely not ignorant or naive. She and David worked on many charitable activities and events together, including her I Am African campaign.

And I know what you’re thinking, he could have used his charity support for publicity or as a front like many celebrities in the past. *cough cough Sp*cey, W*instein, H*ffman *cough cough* But when Iman was given a Voice Award at the Save The Child’s Illumination Gala in 2016, she dedicated the award to him, saying “David was also a staunch supporter of human rights and devoted an innumerable amount of time and resources, which he chose to do anonymously. [...] I share this award with him, knowing that the fire in him lit the fire in me, and vice versa. [...] Good partnerships have a habit of doing that.” 

And finally,

“David Bowie was never bisexual.”

(X)

Okay, but let’s talk serious. This claim is more specifically saying he used bisexuality as shock value and he isn’t a good icon for the LGBT community. In 1983 he called his coming out a “mistake,”said he was only experimenting, and called himself a “closet heterosexual,” in 1993. However, there are things to heavily consider. In the 1980s he was going through a depressive period in his life with alcohol problems. In addition, he felt that his sexuality overshadowed his music in America and and wanted to change his image to appeal to a more mainstream audience (to make his career survive during that time when homophobia was on the rise so he had to shield himself; may I remind you of when he was falsely accused of giving Wanda Nichols AIDS, not to mention dealing with ignorant interviewers acting so clueless over such a simple concept). In 1993, Tin Machine failed to revive his career after the critical failures of his last two solo albums of the late 1980s, of course those problems continued. And if you think I’m reaching, take a look at what he said in an interview for Blender in 2002.

You once said that saying you were bisexual was "the biggest mistake I ever made." Do you still believe that? WHOODAAMANN, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZONA

Interesting. [Long pause] I don't think it was a mistake in Europe, but it was a lot tougher in America. I had no problem with people knowing I was bisexual. But I had no inclination to hold any banners or be a representative of any group of people. I knew what I wanted to be, which was a songwriter and a performer, and I felt that [bisexuality] became my headline over here for so long. America is a very puritanical place, and I think it stood in the way of so much I wanted to do. (x) 

And it’s not like his impact on the LGBT+ community is nonexistent.

He was bi and a damned good LGBT icon.

And with that said, just because his most high-profile relationships were with women that doesn’t mean he wasn’t bi. A bi person can have a preference towards one sex or gender but that does not in any way diminish their attraction to the other sex or genders. There are plenty of examples of bisexual people who enter monogamous relationships with people of the opposite sex. That doesn’t make them any less bi.

Reflections & Conclusion

One of the biggest problems I see when the Bowie/Classic rock fandom talk about this is how they completely derail the conversation to how “feminism and sjw culture is toxic and spreads lies” and other dumb shit like that. You can’t blame an entire movement for trouble caused by a few assholes on a site like this. This is Tumblr, remember? You can’t expect people to be perfect to know everything about everyone famous. Newsflash: I’ve made mistakes too. There are many more people who make up for their mistakes than you give credit for. It should only be a real problem if they refuse to believe you or ignore you after you give them solid corrections. Chances are the people like that have generally shitty views or have something to hide (like every TERF blog on here). It also upsets me when people, who I will not name (you know who you are) defend him by slut-shaming Lori Mattix or the other groupies (I won’t say why, I hope you can figure that out for yourselves). 

So in conclusion, don’t believe everything you read, be patient with people but don’t take shit from anyone, don’t use people screwing up as an excuse to spread your own ignorance, stay away from books written about David by Lesley-Ann Jones, Dylan Jones, and “Backstage Passes” by Angie Bowie, and if you have written a callout post about David Bowie, don’t ever fucking do that shit again. Have a nice day.  

[giantpredatorymollusk]

This is a story about farming. It is quite long. I think it may be worth reading anyway, but unfortunately I have no way to prove it. I’ve also tried my best but I still don’t know if it actually makes perfect sense in every way? But it did all actually happen; so it all kind of has to make at least a little bit of sense, even if doesn’t really seem like it.

The trouble all started in 1901, when my great great grandfather emigrated to the United States from the modern-day Czech Republic and later, in 1911, bought a 90-acre farm there. Many years later, most of that farm came to belong to my grandfather, and roughly 10 years back he retired from his job selling tires at the tire store and started making the 40 mile drive north to the farm to spend his summer days there and plant a garden (in the area that wasn’t already rented out to be planted with soybeans.) Not long after that, he had enough produce to start selling stuff at a nearby farmers’ market in an upscale town, physically not far from the farm, although psychogeographically immensely distant from that chunk of desolate, isolated, fairly representative rural Ohio.

I was dragged in in the summer of 2015, from the end of June to the beginning of July, mostly pounding stakes into the ground so that the roughly 1000-1500 tomato plants that my grandfather had planted that year (with occasional help from my grandmother and uncle) could be tied up between them and the fruit wouldn’t lay on the ground and rot easily. I hated it there (in fairness, I probably would’ve hated anything that involved leaving the house during that time in my life) and when my dad got me out of it (by hiring me to help him paint a house) I quickly divested myself of the money I’d received there to wash my hands of the place and resolved never to go back. My dad was never in favor of me going to the farm, knowing as he did that the work could be dangerous (operating old, large, and unreliable tractors and backhoe with minimal training or safety precautions; running large, dangerous power saws in creative ways without the proper guards, gear, or safety precautions, mostly to put points on stakes; operating saws in an unsafe manner while standing in the raised bucket of the old and unreliable backhoe in order to trim trees; etc) and probably also suspected that I personally (especially then) was fairly vulnerable to being psychologically manipulated into performing difficult tasks that I was unhappy doing over a long period of time while being underpaid under some circumstances. Hmm.

I returned to the farm for the entirety of the summer of 2016. After barely surviving/graduating my senior year of high school that year I had given up on life and settled pretty quickly back into the routine of the daily back-and-forth farm trips. It is true that I was getting paid; it was also true that I was being challenged and learning things, mostly the basics of planting vegetables, like which plants were cold-season crops and which were warm-season and how far apart to space the transplants, and how a PTO works on a tractor; and it’s certainly a fact that on a personal level, I was still completely taken in by my grandfather’s wit and farm wisdom and overpowering managerial confidence. I made myself completely subordinate to him, and blamed myself when his ideas for what we should be doing next were completely obvious to him but rather opaque to me; I remember it frequently happening that he would tell me what to do and I would reflexively go off to do it, and then realize I was unclear on what he meant and have to timidly re-approach him for further instructions. This kind of slowed down the learning process. Much later I would also realize how superficial his constant confidence could be, and how it was often less the natural attitude of someone who knew what they were doing and more a tool he used to impress people into doing things without thinking too much about any of the potential alternatives. Also, according to my admittedly fallible memories, I was getting paid $35 per day for what were generally between 7 and 8 hour days. I was, in fact, 18 years old that year and probably could have gotten a different job that for one thing paid a better hourly wage and for another left me less reliant on the caprices of my family; but this was neither a thing that happened nor a thing that was expected from me, least of all by me. My internal world hadn’t expanded as I’d grown older; my universe of possibilities was limited to the things that were already present in my somewhat simple life. This was probably symptomatic of some larger problem or problems with the functionality of my brain at that point in my life.

One can become trapped in many different ways. You can be trapped in a specific city, or a zip code, or in a geographic region sorely lacking in cities, or one which they are considered entirely strange and outlandish things; in a job, in a career, in a lifestyle, or in a set of lifestyles considered realistic given your high school grades, ability to connect with others, and standing in society and life; in a friend group, or in an identity, or in a lack thereof, or in any number of the various rules and regulations that govern how one is allowed to interact with the rest of the human race; in a comedy, a tragedy, a pastoral narrative, or in any combination of the above kinds of story that one no longer wishes to be part of. For all I know, thanks to the stereotypical farm benefits of character building, meaningful work experiencing, and nature connecting-with, working at the farm for that year may have actually been good for me; nevertheless, I wish that it had been my last full summer there. I had showed up, learned some stuff, earned a small amount of money, and, in retrospect experienced at least the majority of what this particular 90 acre area of the planet had had to offer. Alas.

2017! This year, we had a pretty consistent schedule that I can remember clearly to this day: we left at 9:30 AM, when my grandfather would pull into my driveway and blow his horn, and got back between 7 and 8 o’clock at night. Built into that schedule is a one hour commute each way (we both lived about 40 miles away from the farm, which was actually inhabited by my uncle, who was often around and occasionally helped with the work but frequently made fairly abrasive and critical comments (if often correct) comments about it (for example, about the fact that our work day started so late in the morning)) and a daily grocery store stop for drinks for the cooler. I was the driver (once my grandfather’s problems with what I suspect is undiagnosed narcolepsy had almost killed us a couple of times) which you would think give me control over the stereo, but I quickly learned that my grandfather had pretty specific taste in music (country from the 50s and 60s) and a temperament unsuited to most podcasts. Obviously, most of that time in the daily schedule was taken up by the work day (so generally either planting tomatoes (which gets a little less rewarding after about the 500th one, which that year only put us at about a quarter of the way through the tomato plants, not counting the hundreds of eggplant, cabbage, and zucchini plants or the miscellaneous corn, squash, and beans), pounding stakes and tying string for the tomatoes, or harvesting tomatoes) which lay at the end of the lonely highway on a lonely work site at which the same 2-4 people showed up every day. (It became four people once you counted my younger brother, who came up to the farm that year until the start of marching band season got him out of it, and who fortunately made it his main job to get everyone to pack up and leave promptly at the end of the day. Once he stopped showing up, and even though I persuaded my grandfather to move the schedule up an hour so that we could get home earlier, we never left as consistently as we did when he was there; I didn’t have the stamina to find my grandfather (who didn’t carry a phone or a watch) and tell him what time it was at the end of the day every single day so that he could start to think about leaving.) I was being paid $40 a day, with a $20 bonus for market days once they started, which with our theoretically 35-hour work week ends up being about $6.29 an hour? Huh. In addition to the extra $20, the market season was nice because picking stuff is less tiring and more rewarding than planting stuff, and because I got to see way more people every day in the form of our market customers, even if I was interacting with them mainly through the intermediary of my grandfather.

Another nice thing is that this is the first year I have a decent photo album for! I started experimenting with old 35mm film cameras in late June and by early July I had my first interchangeable-lens digital camera, which I relied upon to keep my brain alive for large parts of the summer. I have… a lot of pictures from this season.

Finally, at the end of the year, I ended up in college. Any criticisms of my grandfather that I might offer up here have to be tempered by the fact that he did in fact drive me to the local (relatively) cheap higher-education dispenser and basically registered me for me (technically, I applied but there’s a 100% acceptance rate.) This was something I desperately wanted to do but was unable to make happen by myself. I won’t say that my grandfather every really understood the problems I went through while experiencing formal education, but as perhaps the member of my family least comfortable himself with the concept and culture of higher education, he was the most willing to notice and accept that I needed help getting started with it.

However, I did do quite badly that semester (I started out enrolled in 4.5 classes and ended enrolled in 2, with a C average) and going to the farm to work 4 days a week still (after morning classes and also on Saturday) did not help that except in that it provided a convenient distraction from it; an opportunity for me to distract myself from my frustrations by wearing myself out.

Why did I come back to the farm for 2018? I wasn’t happy there in 2017, I have the journal entries to prove it. Reasons: it was the path of least resistance, it was something I was more already familiar with than any other job, and my grandfather remained a very difficult person for me to say no to. (Also, he asked me (and my brother) to commit in midwinter, when it still seemed non-threatening and pretty far away.) The schedule was pretty much the same as I described for last year except that for some reason we went up 6 days a week as often as 5 (weather permitting.) My brother went up with us for the same period of time as he had previously, but was even more ornery this year than he was the last, which was an accomplishment; this didn’t stop me from being grateful for his presence. Mostly, I recruited him to work on whatever I was working on during the day, whenever I had a specific project: like building a fence around the second patch, or digging drainage ditches on the lawn, or moving the rainwater collection tank trailer to water stuff before Grandpa could realize that something that he didn’t plan for us was happening. My uncle became extremely fond of complaining that we were getting less done working on the same thing together than we might have working on different things far apart; this may have been true, but I was unwilling to test the theory.

As I implied above, I had a lot more freedom this year to pick projects that I thought needed to be done instead of following instructions all day, as long as I could seem confident about it under scrutiny later. I responded in two ways: I started wearing earbuds and listened to music and occasionally podcasts for most of the day, which was great except that it ruined earbuds and made me feel slightly spacey like I wasn’t even physically there sometimes, given that it was the main input that was actually making it to my brain, and I gave myself three new jobs. The first was to pick, display, and sell produce at a roadside stand that I set up back home (ideally without attracting too much attention from my uncle, who was doing the same thing); the second was to start picking for and selling at a new weekday farmers’ market; and the third was to fix an old dump truck that had been sitting in the back barn for the better part of the decade with a broken brake line, with the help of my dad, who came up to the farm a few days to show me what to actually do. The stand was very successful but 20% went to my mom for stocking it during the day and another 20% went to my grandfather for owning the farm; the new farmers’ market only required me to pay off my grandfather but had too many vendors for the customer base and was generally very slow; and the truck project was a huge disaster that consumed countless hours and brain cells: one brake line burst after another, we ended up having to remove and replace the two brake cylinders in each of the back wheels (which necessitated jacking the 12.5 ton vehicle up and removing both rear wheels and axles), the wiring for the lights was fucked from a previous botched repair job by a person or persons unknown, the bed needed to be attacked with the farm’s one working boom truck to get it to even move, and even after it was going up and down smoothly the hydraulic pump was occasionally leaking fluid, which I was neither qualified for or willing to try to fix; then, during the first test drive with a potential buyer, the radiator apparently exploded, and he convinced my grandfather to sell it to him for $1000, which was split between him, me, and my dad and uncle for helping (more or less.) I eventually calculated that with those three extra projects in addition to my regular salary (up $5 a day but without the weekly bonus, resulting in a net raise of $5 a week) I nearly made minimum wage working there that summer. (Hey, if Quinn is going to read this, I should probably note that minimum wage in Ohio was $8.15 an hour, at least when I wrote this, it’s up to $8.55 an hour now.)

Also, after going on three years of the whole “pull into Mitch’s driveway and blow the horn for a while” routine, the horn on my grandfather’s F-150 finally gave out and he locked the keys in my car while climbing inside of it to use its. (He did admit to this but also told me that I should never have left the keys inside of a car with “automatic locks.”) I had a much better spring semester this year, but it still wasn’t made easier by my 28 hours a week at the farm (plus the commute) right up until October 25th, when I finally quit.

Performance review:

Another part of my feelings about the farm that I have to mention is that the whole time I was there, I was pretty well aware that it was not nearly as productive as it should have been. One large part of this was just flawed soil management practices; by the time I got there, my grandfather had been planting mostly the same plants in mostly exactly the same spots for nearly 10 years, which is absolutely not how any of that is ever supposed to work. He sent soil samples away for analysis, got back reports prescribing long lists of fertilizers to be applied in massive quantities to help production, and then went back to using what he was planning on putting down anyway (mostly starting fertilizer (which we dragged around in 5 gallon buckets for the entire planting season), calcium spray to try to prevent previous years’ blossom end rot epidemics, and some poorly labeled sacks of miscellaneous stuff that he had gotten at a farm auction and that had been taking up space in a barn for years.) My grandfather’s managerial attitude was that all ideas were suspect unless they occurred to him first, which meant it sometimes required some stamina to get certain things done; he would ride up on the lawn mower and stare at you suspiciously if he wasn’t sure of exactly what you were doing.

Like this.

(Of course, the farm was not really run with the purpose of maximizing production, anyway. My grandfather kept it going year after year initially because he was retired, and wanted something to take up his time, and because he wanted to turn himself into a farmer; later, he got the idea that he was going to turn me into one.)

The other main obstacle to growth was the fact that we were surrounded by 80 acres of soybean fields that were at a slightly higher elevation than our plants, which meant that 2 inches of rainfall was more than enough to flood the place. This is not actually a good thing for any plant’s growth (except for cucumbers, and I guess sometimes zucchini.) I ended up (with my brother) digging hundreds of feet of drainage ditches in 2018 to try to combat this. Like, with a shovel. We had a trencher, but its hydraulic pump leaked fluid like a sieve, which had prevented it from being used for years, kind of like that dump truck I mentioned fixing earlier. Other broken down equipment included two boom trucks (one of which was specifically designed just to lay railroad ties), two full-size tractors (an Oliver and a Farm-All), a handful of mechanical tractor attachments that lay scattered throughout the barn-adjacent grass, a smallish red Troy-Bilt riding lawn mower, and a 1963 Buick Riviera.

On a personal level, going to the farm every day felt like dying? It was long hours of difficult, tedious, low-paid work in a desolate and isolated location. It was sort of like a sensory deprivation chamber, but for thoughts and feelings instead of for senses. On one hand, I regret every single miserable second of it, and hope to never see the place again for as long as I somehow manage to live (sadly unlikely); on the other hand, I do think it made me more appreciative of the moments when I do feel like I’m alive in the world, even when they’re not exactly easy ones. I have more enthusiasm for certain types of fear now, like driving to a strange and distant city to see a band play by myself, actually talking to the host in the AirBNB there, and descending into a strange subway system without really knowing how I’m going to get anywhere I’m trying to go from there; or signing up for classes for next semester without knowing exactly what they’ll be like, and talking to the strange person sitting next to me, or even just emailing the professor to ask for an explanation of an assignment that I don’t understand. It reminds me that I’m not as trapped anymore.

This contradicts what I want to be true, which is that the farm was just a background event in my life, instead of something that defined it for all of those years. The things that I was doing in the background of this, the story about farming, were the things I now realize were actually important to me at the time: taking those pictures, going back to school, the music I was listening to while I was out in the field, pounding in tomato stakes… I was also re-learning the piano in the evenings when I still had the energy. Unfortunately, the farm did define that part of my life to a large extent because of the way it served as an obstacle to me pursuing those things. The thing is, I wasn’t really trapped there, in any real physical or consequential sense; the farm took over my life because I was unable to recognize and act on the fact that I did have access to real sources of happiness.

Also, I guess the whole time I was technically committing tax evasion?

Anyway, whenever I see one of those posts about how nice it would be just to leave society and go live on a farm or something, this is what I’m thinking of.

[helenofsimblr]

I have a LOT of catching up to do!

I was tagged to do the 57 facts thing by @fayts4 @tabbyrhsims4simblr and @midnightdevotions I think I got everybody if not you’ll have to forgive me my shoddy memory. But I have so many blogs to catch up on I am ready to cry!

1. Simblr is a secret thing for me, only my husband knows about it. Its my own guilty pleasure.

2. I recently became a parent and I am very much planning to have at least 1 more while there is still time!

3. I have done a lot of work on some really amazing stuff, none of which I can ever talk about due to secrecy agreements. 

4. I have a PhD in mathematics, so that proves I am super boring.

5. I tried my first cigarette at age 11, but didn’t touch it again till age 26 which was when I took it up, I would smoke anything from 0 to 10 cigs a day depending on the day I had. I quit cigs this year aged 32 in January. So hopefully didn’t do myself too much damage.

6. At age 29 I started smoking cigars on special occasions those are: my birthday, Christmas, New year, Valentines, and my wedding anniversary. Being the “badass” I am, I inhale every 5th drag for a little extra kick, even though you shouldn’t do that... I have not quit the cigars!

7. I have a younger brother and an older sister, I am the middle sibling.

8. I have only ever had 3 boyfriends in my life. And 1 “fancy man.”

9. I was engaged to be married to my second boyfriend, I basically twisted his arm into it because of my condition I was afraid I’d be some old woman called Ms instead of Mrs, he did not want to be married, not to me anyway. I should have realised that back then...

10. While I was engaged to boyfriend number 2 I had an affair which lasted about 8 months, it was with a colleague at work, and it was amazing! I don’t condone cheating, not in the least, but I realise, the sensible thing to do would have been to call off the engagement. 

11. I had giganstism (Acromegaly) as a child, I am 6 foot 7 inches tall bare foot. I do not like being this tall... not one bit. There are so many health issues that come with this, that it really isn’t worth it.

12. When I stopped growing, Acromegaly causes your face and hands and feet to carry on growing... I have size 14 feet. UK size. My hands are large enough that I can grip 4 tennis balls in one hand easily. 

13. I have no tattoos. I have never ever wanted a tattoo. I don’t actually like them very much.

14. I don’t have any piercings anywhere else beside my ears. I have 2 piercings in each ear.

15. I am a huge petrol head. I love cars and I will happily have a discussion with any man about them, or woman if she is so inclined!

16. Due to the facial changes caused by Acromegaly I decided to go and get cosmetic surgery in late 2017 to change my face back to a more softer look.

17. I love Star Trek. Captain Kirk is my favourite captain, he is the best. No discussion. If it wasn’t for Kirk there would be no Picard, no Sisko, no Janeway. None of those pretenders would be here!

18. I think Quentin Tarrantino and his films are vastly overrated and often incomprehensible and worst yet, non linear. 

19. I really dislike the taste of alcohol. The only drinks I get on well with are Guiness and Gin and tonics. Most others I don’t like. I hate wine.

20. I hated that stupid Pokemon Go craze!! The amount of people who walked into me in the street... That shit was dangerous.

21. My hair used to be naturally blonde, but in recent years its started to get darker, which is why I now use colouring to keep it where it was.

22. I should wear glasses to read, but I don’t bother.

23. While preggers I had gestational diabetes. Which was not fun at all.

24. I love swimming, but I hate the sea because I am afraid of whats in it. Sharks, jellyfish, all sorts of wonderful, yet horrid creatures designed to kill and maim!

25. When I was doing my PhD, somebody on my research team literally took about 80% of my thesis content and used it in their thesis. I had  no time to appeal or go through proper channels as I already had a job lined up, and was due to have my pituitary tumor removed, therefore, my only option was to redo 80% of my thesis. 

26. I am not religious (at least not in any organised way), however, I find the theory of how the universe came into being utterly laughable. A big bang... seriously?? If before the universe, there was nothing, where did the shit that exploded come from? Its bullshit. Truth is, nobody knows for sure, but we’re so desperate to know that scientists will happily invent theories to fit what few facts they have.

27. Despite not being religious, I firmly believe in existence after death. I say existence, not life, there is a difference. I have seen what would be colloquially referred to as a “ghost” when I was 13 years old.

28. I love the old pulp sci fi, things like Lost in Space, and voyage to the bottom of the sea

29. My favourite foods are pizzas. I cannot get enough of them! In particular just bog standard pepperoni

30. I suck at sports. Any sport, and I suck at it.

31. I often worry about things so much I lose my perspective, I cannot help but worry and it usually leads to a cascade of worry and I may make poor decisions. 

32. I am part German. I can speak German, to a fashion... its not very good as I rarely use it.

33. I have regular chiropractic care and I have to say its worth every penny. I feel better physically now than I have in years! As a bonus, the IBS I suffered with, since I have been seeing my chiropractor has actually cleared up! 

34. I am currently trying to complete something on my bucket list, I am attempting to watch EVERY John Wayne film.

35. I hated Star Wars the Last Jedi. Shit film!

36. I have a cuddly toy from I was a baby which I still have! (I don’t sleep with it of course)

37. I love inappropriate/dirty jokes.

38. I am, somewhat, anti-abortion. I understand there is a time and a place for everything however, but given birth control and access to morning after pills... 

39. I am not political, I loathe politicians. None of them have a clue what it is like to be in the real world. Also... why do we have Ministers of health who have never been a nurse or doctor? And so forth... doesn’t make sense!

40. I have been married 3 years now. 

41. I cannot bend over and touch my toes.

42. I recently took a woman to court and won! After she keyed (Scratched the car with a key) my Range Rover from bumper to bumper in the supermarket. 

43. I hate shopping. I find it so tedious and inconvenient. I honestly do not understand how other females can find this a pleasurable activity!

44. I have never tried any illegal drugs in my life.

45. Apparently I was late performing all my children milestones. Walking, talking and potty training. I took months longer than my siblings did.

46. I find it really hard to go to the toilet in a public toilet. It disturbs me.

47. I hate it when people tell me “You’re late.” As though I have no concept or track of time. I usually reply with “I was quite aware before you pointed it out.” I never apologise for being late, unless I know that my being late was definitely my fault.

48. I am often amused by simblr. Especially at all these “dramas” that pop up round here. Particularly over custom content and how it should never be uploaded by anybody but the creator or changed or whatever... did I mention how somebody took 80% of my PhD thesis and used it in their work? Oh yes. Point number 25.

49. If I go for ice cream, doesn’t matter where it is, I will always go for vanilla.

50. White chocolate is my favourite chocolate of all. So sweet and creamy...

51. I am allergic to penicillin.

52. I love superhero films. Particularly the Marvel ones. I think Marvel do better films than DC but DC do better animated films / television than Marvel do.

53. I think Nolan’s batman trilogy is overrated speaking of superhero films.

54. Speaking of films, only once ever have I walked out of the cinema. I remember I went to see Mr and Mrs Smith, and half way through I walked out. Have never seen the end of that film since.

55. My favourite Junk Food is bacon double cheeseburgers! 

56. Due to having acromegaly... every year... without fail... I have to go and get a camera up my ass! Yeah its great being tall(!)

57. I HATE pears. I mean hate them! I hate the texture of them in my mouth, I hate the feel of their skin, I hate EVERYTHING about pears. Even sat here typing this I get goosebumps. If I was trapped on a desert island where all there was to eat was Pears. I would starve to death!

I tag, @themoonglitch @rebelsoulsims @igglemouse and @flowers--girl  and @sparkiemonkey and @alittledaylight do this EPIC tag. If you think you can’t. or done it, or don’t want to cool. 

[snkpolls]

SnK Chapter 100 Poll Results

The chapter 100 poll closed with 1,915 responses. When we compiled the write in comments, they filled a 65 page word document. Since we can only share a fraction of those, we are linking to the document so it can be viewed in entirety.

Thank you to everyone who participated.

  RATE THE CHAPTER 1,869 Responses

Close to 60% of the fandom gave this chapter the highest mark possible while those disapproving were negligible. Still, those selecting “5” on this highly anticipated chapter were down more than 10% from last month. 

Can I have my white-and-black morality back, Isayama? Please?

this manga has successfully crushed my moral beliefs into rubble and I don't know how to feel about it

I hadn't felt dead inside like this after reading a chapter since chapter 84.

I really like the interaction with Eren and Reiner. Reiner’s breakdown felt so real and honest and Isayama really conveyed that he was suffering .

I'm disappointed, I expected great things of this chapter. Isayama really tends to unnecessarily lenghten scenes that don't need to be. You'd think he would've learned about pacing by now. I guess the real shit will go down next chapter... hopefully.

If feels as though we're finally getting somewhere but I'm not sure I like where we're getting

It definitely lives up to the large expectations from being the 100th chapter

It is clear to me that this chapter was meant to tease us with the very beginning of the fight that is to come and it's quite sad that a part of the fandom fails to see that. We were purposefully given too few information or images to make conclusions of. Any possibility (almost everything included in this poll) seems likely at this point.

It was so close for another Marcel Flashback but mystery still endures. Dissapointent!

One hell of a milestone chapter. Isayama truly delivered.

the anime better knock this one out of the park in 2000 years lmao

January pls

  WHAT WAS THE MOST POWERFUL PART OF THE CHAPTER? 1,880 Responses

For the most powerful moment, “Eren’s titan transformation” takes a quarter of the vote, followed by “All of the above.” Reiner begging for Eren to kill him and “Attack on Willy“ round out the top four.

 "Did I say that? Please, forget I said that."

after watching the same scenarios over and over, i'd say to  finally see someone taking responsibilities of their actions: magath and will being conscious of the fact they are getting their hands dirty

Eren and his Freakish Toes

Eren's glare just before he transformed. And his flowing hair, are you sure he's not modelling for L'Oreal right now?!

For me, it was Eren's expressions throughout the chapter. Especially when he reacted to Willy's words.

Reiner. GET IT TOGETHER. Not the time, not the place, not the person you should be begging. But if you kept Falco alive and will fight for your fellow Eldians in the ghetto next chapter we're good.

ok but is there sour cream in marley?

  WHAT WAS THE MOST INTERESTING NEW INFORMATION 1,866 Responses

The walls being named for Ymir Fritz’s daughters and Willy knowingly being set up as a martyr were nearly tied for “most interesting new information”. And you people are honestly freaks because Duck Shaped Potties came in third.

  ISAYAMA DELIVERED ON THE BODY HORROR THIS CHAPTER. WHAT PART GROSSED YOU OUT THE MOST? 1,870 Responses

Carrot toes win by a landslide--and also made for the best write-in comments!

Dem Toes Be FREAKY

Don't regrow limbs anymore, please

Eren's foot regenerating is more gross than all the deaths in Attack on Titan I've ever seen. I hope he never does that again tbh.

Thank you for mentioning my "little baby carrots"

Everyone's complaining about the body horror, but I'm upset that Isayama held back on having Eren regenerate his left eyeball. Might've looked similar to Reiner when his head blew off, except with beautiful, long flowing hair.

the foot flower just (shudders).

as I try to gather my overwhelming amount of thoughts on this boy, and despite those gnarly baby toe sprouts close to ready for harvest, I will glorify those chiseled calves of a god.

THANKS MOM I CAN'T EAT BABY CARROTS EVER AGAIN

  ON A SCALE OF “YOU CAN STAY RIGHT THERE CRYING ON THE FLOOR” TO “I WILL HOLD YOU AND NEVER EVER LET YOU GO,” HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT TO HUG REINER AFTER THIS CHAPTER? 1,880 Responses

When I compare this to the chapter 93 poll where 21% had little to no sympathy for Reiner, 18% were non-committal, and the remaining 60% felt strongly about him, it appears that seven months later those numbers have remained constant. People either like Reiner or they don’t, and no amount of effort on Isayama’s (or the poll co-creator's) part is going to change that.

I would steal all the stars in the sky so that Reiner can be happy I sWeAr 

Never flipped opinion on a character faster than when we started seeing Reiner in Marley

Still finding it hard to care what happens to any of these characters.  Apart from Reiner.  He needs a hug, a strong drink and a long vacation.

I feel sorry for Reiner but I kinda got desensitized after watching him suffer so many times. He almost beats Levi in the worst life ever competition. I feel exhausted just thinking his life and suffering will continue... I can barely feel any sadness for him anymore, I think he should probably get his final rest soon.

A lot of Reiner's flaws get overlooked lately because readers pity him. His selfishness led a lot of people to their deaths and even though he regrets it now it is too late and he deserves that suffering as karma. Other characters had it much worse and they didn't deserve that suffering (ie Eren) while Reiner brought it upon himself with his own choices. He should have listened to Bertholdt and Annie and stopped the mission after Marcel's death but he even threatened them to continue multiple times.

Reiner baby deserves all the good in this world. Isayama please give the boy a little bit of peace!!

  HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU CRIED ABOUT REINER’S HORRIBLE LIFE IN THIS ARC? 1,881 Responses

While the majority have not metaphorically or otherwise shed tears for Reiner, 55.2% of the fandom have been touched by his story and for almost 30%, it’s been extreme.

I'm crying all day thinking about my sad Reiner ;-; he just want to disappear from the world. I want to hug him.

I have never loved a character quite like I love Reiner. Watching him break in front of Eren has been heart-wrenching. He wants judgement for his crimes, to help abate some of the guilt he feels so heavily… And Eren’s the only person that seems to understand him completely. I know Reiner isn’t long for this world anyway with the curse of Ymir, but I’m still holding out hope that before he dies he has a moment of peace and satisfaction.

  HAS EREN MADE YOU CRY IN THIS ARC? 1,883 Responses

We felt like it was only fair to include this even though Eren hasn’t been presented as emotionally as Reiner in this arc. As a bonus, it allowed for us to acknowledge the two groups who were most vocal in the write-ins--the 18% who find Eren hot, and the 8% who are angry with him.

Eren has never been one of my favorites, but he's been breaking my heart almost as bad as Reiner in the past few chapters. He's come so far, and not really in a good way. If he's lost all hope, the relentless freedom chaser, we're heading for a truly dark end.

I'm sick of him.  I'm sick of his anger, I'm sick of his angst, I'm sick of his selfishness, and I'm sick of watching teenagers struggle.  Please bring my adult vets back.

I never thought that Eren would ever become close to sympathetic.

I cried my heart out when he told Reiner he understood him, his development just blew me away, I am so proud of this boy I want to cry again now. Let's wait till we understand his plan to pass any judgement over what he did.

  Since this is the 100th chapter of SNK, let’s take a moment to appreciate the improvement that Isayama’s art has undergone, specifically his character art and expressions. The fandom at large has been quite vocal on the attractiveness of the characters after the timeskip ...so, in your opinion,

WHICH PICTURE OF REINER IS THE MOST HANDSOME (OR THAT YOU LIKE THE BEST)? 1,869 Responses

With so many handsome Reiners to choose from, I wish I could convey the agony my poll co-creator had in selecting these six images. The elimination process was intense and whether to include the booty pic probaby took years off her life.

As she’d predicted, Happy Daddy Reiner was declared most handsome! His full face was number two, and the last minute inclusion of the booty pic resulted in our number three.

Isayama will achieve perfection on drawing Reiner's asscrack showing through his clothes soon.

"Of course i’d pick the booty pic of Reiner. It’s not Erwin’s but with a little 👏🏼🌈Imaaaaagination👏🏼🌈 anything can be Erwin.

Roses are red, Reiner is handsome, SnK fanbase Is mostly awesome.

AND WHICH OF EREN? 1,851 Responses

There was no way Eren’s Loréal Paradis wasn’t going to win this. Eren’s soft smile after Willy’s declaration of war was second.

THAT FLOWING HAIR DAMNNNN SON

This homeless look is working for him

Eren  has beautiful hair.

The panel where Eren is about to transform and Reiner looks at Falco in fear is the most badass panel in a long time. I could FEEL the YouSeeBigGirl sires just from looking at Eren's eyed in the panel

Eren, my ovaries are ready.

Eren's always been hot, I dunno why y'all think he's only been hot now, keep up! ;)

Damn we went from him being some courageous hot piece of ass to him being an older, smarter, and even hotter piece of ass even if he might be a bit emotionless

He's definitely Hobo Daddy™

  EREN’S ATTACK ON WILLY AND HIS CONVERSATION WITH REINER HAVE THE FANDOM DIVIDED. HOW WOULD YOU RATE HIS MORALITY ON A SCALE FROM “GENOCIDAL KILLER” TO “TOTALLY JUSTIFIED” 1,881 Responses

Eren’s morality continues to be a point of contention in many discussions about the chapter, though a majority 83% find Eren’s actions morally neutral to justified. However, the write-ins in the following sections show a huge variation in opinions, with many being quite harsh on either end. Needless to say, everyone has something to say about Eren!

I don't think his actions are justified, but people calling him "genocidal killer" as he wanted to kill Falco and Reiner and all these people is quite idiot, i mean i didn't see any satisfaction on his eyes, while doing what he did. Just a " i need to do this, even if it is going to kill you"... This isn't  a intent of kill... to me is his determination to get his freedom. 

Someone, anyone, punch him for me, please.

I've seen how divided people are on Eren's behavior and his true motives, but I think we should all agree that Eren has grown out of the purely revenge-seeking hothead who constantly demonized his enemies. He now understands that they're all only human, but nonetheless he must do what needs to be done to save his people. I don't know at this point if Eren and Reiner will ever be on the same terms, but here's hoping they can all find forgiveness in the end.

Genocidal Bastard..still justified

He's a war criminal. Seriously, look it up.

Frankly, all this pearl clutching about how "evil" Eren is, is ridiculous, and just shows the willingness of certain part of the fandom to dunk on Eren at the drop of a hat. We don’t have the full contest of this scene yet, we don’t even know what Eren is trying to do, or why, we don’t even know with whom he is coordinating, but we know that he’s evil? Even when it’s been 2 chapters that Isayama is been hammering that Eren isn’t revenge obsessed anymore? But well, obviously that’s clearly Isayama’s intention, to toss out 24 vols. of character development for a cheap twist.

I think there's a reason behind what he's doing that is not even a little bit fueled by pure revenge.

I trust him. Something something greater good.

Still love him, he's my boi. Also this is a manga about war; there is no right or wrong. I think people forget that when pointing fingers at Eren for his actions. I highly doubt this was Eren's plan to begin with.

Eren did nothing wrong.

However justified Eren was or was not, innocent blood has been spilled due to his own actions, so whatever morale high ground Eren had is now gone.

He is a murder, plain and simple.

Feels like isayama's trying to make us believe that Eren is suddenly a bad guy. I ain't buying it.

I was rooting for you. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU! HOW DARE U?! T_T

I'm so disapointed in him. I am forever the believier that things can be done diplomatically and he just fucked that up and killed a bunch of people. I get why he did it, doesn't mean I'm not super disappointed.

The chapter justifies my feelings towards Eren for months now. Glad some readers are starting to see him in a more realistic, less idealized light. He had civilians killed back in Stohess, remember.

  WAS EREN BEING SINCERE WITH REINER WHEN HE SAID HE UNDERSTOOD HIM? 1,880 Responses

I do think that Eren meant the things he said in response and maybe even forgave him, but apparently regardless of his personal feelings, he's trying to do something very specific, granted the margin of whatever extra casualties there are. 

It seems like he still has this good core, but this story is highlighting that 'good' is relative. I thought he was quite sincere talking to Reiner, and Reiner's sincerity in return made me change my opinion of him (and I've hated him for ages).

It was so gratifying to see him say he understands Reiner and the other warriors finally. I've needed this understanding for so long. I'm so happy! Maybe it wasn't wholly sincere, but Eren's finally made the connection that Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie were just kids too, that they were fed information and forced into doing something they didn't necessarily want to. He finally understands how similar they all are; how screwed they all were from the start. And I'm just really happy that he's finally reached that point.

  DO YOU BELIEVE THAT EREN INTENDED FOR REINER AND FALCO TO DIE IN THE BASEMENT? 1,878 Responses

Pretty sure he's protecting Reiner and Falco. He made contact with Reiner before the transformation. I don't know why he'd shake his hand before transforming. That would make for a very odd titan transformation. Either that, or he purposely crushed him as he transformed. But I doubt it, this chapter was about Eren gauging Reiner's alignment, imo.

Eren better not have intended to kill Falco

I believe he probably used some hardening to save Falco and Reiner in the basement, or somehow made it so that Reiner was able to save Falco. I definitely believe they're alive and well. I'd like to draw attention to the last panel of the manga, where it shows Eren's titan hands LITERALLY covered in blood. Emphasized, I believe, because Isayama is a master in symbolism and meaning.

I actually really like his eerily-calm demeanour. But I'll be so upset if he killed Reiner and Falco.

I really can't wrap my head around Eren killing Falco and I don't believe he did, its so unlike him. The whole events leading up to the transformation was beyond peculiar with Reiner snatching his hand back and looking horrified at Falco just before Eren transforms. I swear for some moments I was getting Grisha vibes from Eren and his Titan form.

I really hope Reiner has protected Falco, because he has survived worse things.

My personal belief so far is that from the get go Eren intended on using his hardening abilities to shield Reiner and Falco...with the plethora of parallels to the Reiss cave already in place, I dont think its too far fetched (or Im just in denial lmao)

Well he's clearly not fucking around. FWIW, I still think he did something to prevent Reiner/Falco from being instakilled

  IS EREN WORKING WITH THE PARADISIANS OR APART FROM THEM? 1,877 Responses

Despite not seeing any other member of the Survey Corps, the vast majority of respondents still believe Eren is not working independently.

  DO YOU BELIEVE EREN’S LETTER WAS ADDRESSED TO ZEKE? 1,867 Responses

We first asked this question with chapter 98. At the time 86% believed Zeke was the recipient of Eren’s letter. That number is now down to 61%. I suspect the use of the word “comrade” has dissuaded  some people.   DO YOU BELIEVE ZEKE AND EREN ARE WORKING TOGETHER? 1,874 Responses

This question was also asked with chapter 98. the number of people who believe in an Eren/Zeke alliance have only fractionally changed.

I'm glad we finally got some clarity regarding who is on what side, even though Zeke is still  a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. I feel like Zeke is playing both sides of the fence, but also has his own little plan going and might doublecross everyone in the end.

He had inside info. Had to be Zeke

So Trapdoor-kun told Zeke to go in the front door yet here we see him still walking around the streets. Very suspicious and makes me believe the theory that he's working with Eren/Paradis Crew

Anyone considered the possibility that it might be Colt who's in touch with Eren and not Zeke? After all, he's played baseball too, and he's related to a deceased Eldian Restorationist.

  ANY OTHER THOUGHTS ON EREN THIS CHAPTER? 626 Responses

He is clearly in his grunge/alternative-rock phase and just want to show to the world that he is edgy af. We've all been there.

I try very hard not to think about Eren at all tbh.

HOT DAMN EREN. Not too sure what I love the most! His looks of his growth as a character. This new Eren is a blessing. For better of for worse, we can all agree that Eren's change is amazing. Can't wait to see more of him!

baby's all grown up and meeting DSM-5 criteria for like seven different psychiatric diagnoses

Never liked Eren. Am a fan now. Give me a problematic murder boi and I’m fucking in.

He's certainly matured, not prone to regular angry outbursts like when he was 15. Now Eren is extremely controlled, the master of making grown men cry and his angry outburst is busting through a building in Titan form!

I loved seeing how much Eren has grown up. He's a far cry from the angry young boy he was at the start of the series. But on a final note, I think this chapter may be the one that finally sold me on this arc. I'm really enjoying seeing the (sometimes vastly) different political and moral motivations for the various (new and old) characters!

Had no choice after Willy’s declaration of war.

The willingness to sacrifice the lives of innocents is nothing new for the sc (see: armin's comment during the uprising) regardless of your feelings on its morality. Eren appears to have grown enough to accept that sometimes its necessary for whatever greater plan he (and the sc?) have right now. But the idea that eren wants to kill these innocent people or is still just out for revenge goes against all the development of his perspective that we see in his conversation with Reiner (which I believe is genuine). And there's no indication that he sees all marleyans as the enemy that must be destroyed. So Eren''s actions sit right in the moral ambiguity zone that isa is so fond of, but we can't say he's just some angry murderous genocidal kid (especially since we don't know anything about Paradis's full plan)

I understand his hate towards the country that made hell of his life (and of his beloved ones' libes too), but continuing this cyrcle of violence isn't the right solution. This isn't what the Scouts had died for, so I'm really hoping he isn't working with them anymore because it'd be an insult to all their efforts.

I was hoping he wouldn't take this route, but I don't think I can blame him for choosing it.

Initially I was torn about his decision, I didn't see it coming and didn't think it matched what he had been saying the past few chapters. But, this is war, and he must protect his loved ones. So I've come around to accept it. Oh, and that panel with his hair going up before he transformed is EPIC.

Is Eren playing the game, or is he still a pawn? He still has anger issues but I hope he has just learned to use them productivity.

I will admit he has matured since we last saw him as a teenager, but I believe he has turned that rage on the outside into something awful and gut-wrenching on the inside. He manipulated Falco and basically mentally tortured Reiner. The man may have matured... But he is not sane.

I'm conflicted, I was hoping he had a more elaborate plan than "kill 'em" after his speech to Reiner.

I’m gonna be honest here and say that eren has been one of my least favorite characters since I joined this fandom. I just saw him as this annoying, stupid, revenge-fueled kid. but suddenly he’s kinda started growing on me. we’ll see where this goes...

I'm impressed with his maturity and hope we get to see more of the backstory to his growth.

I'm very disappointed. I loved Eren.

I'm yours, Eren. All yours.

I'm sad he can't grow a beard

Sad that he has to keep compromising his humanity in order to save his people but also kinda proud of how much he has grown up.

I find it sad, and yet a sign of maturity, that he carries out the Attack on Willy out of perceived need to do so rather than desire.

It wish things would've turned out different. You can tell Erem is hurting just as much as Reiner. None of them are villains in my opinion

Please after this attack let Eren cut his god damn hair I CAN'T take looking at that hobo hair anymore IT ONLY LOOKS GOOD IN CERTAIN ANGLES I WILL EVEN TAKE HIS EMO MULLET FROM CHAPTER 90 JUST GET RID OF THAT HAIR AND THAT FACIAL HAIR TOO IT DOESNT LOOK RIGHT!

Step on me, Eren? Does that count?

Eren over the past few chapters has been incredibly interesting to me. For a character I found annoying from the start, made peace with, and then utterly disliked after the serum bowl, it’s been wonderful to find something else to latch onto for his character. I love this cold fire he has. He’s become an emotionally broken man who has shaken morality, turned into something he hates. The parallels between him and Reiner are honestly genius, and I love Isayama for giving us such nuanced and complicated characters in Eren and Reiner.

We love and appreciate Eren in this house.

What an incredible progression for this young man who started out as an unbearable kid with anger-management issues. I'm loving the new Eren to be quite honest. Plus he's hot.

the old eren definitely can't come to the phone

You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villian.

  ANY BETS ON WHETHER REINER AND FALCO SURVIVED THE BLAST FROM EREN’S TRANSFORMATION? 1,875 Responses

A majority vote think that both Reiner and Falco will survive to see 101 (and god I hope we’re right).

I honestly hope Reiner protected Falco from the blast of Wren's transformation, I truly feel while deep down inside he hates himself - he couldn't stand to see another person, let alone a kid, get killed. So I hope for the best for the Warriors and the Warrior Cadets.

Honestly, I think Reiner's plot armor is too thick for him to die, not sure about Falco tho.

I really hope Eren's and Reiner's handshake was some magic bamboozle shit to protect Reiner and Falco. Please be alive boys :'(

Set-up for Reiner holding Falco's broken body next chapter.

  DO YOU THINK WILLY REALLY IS THE WARHAMMER TITAN? 1,874 Responses

I highly doubt that Willy is the Warhammer Titan tbh. It just- doesn’t seem right? The commander that was talking to Willy at the beginning of the chapter (forgot his name oops) probably is since he’s shown sympathy towards the Eldians and also laid out 99% of the strategy to Willy. So Willy may be a decoy with who truly owns the power.

Villi himself said he saw the memories of Warhammer Titan so this kinda confirms he is, but maybe he was used as a vait bc warhammer titan is too powerful to risk and he was a puppet. Who knows!

Tall Guard is Warhammer Titan

Kiyomi is the Warhammer Titan

Warhammer titan doesn't exist.

The real War Hammer Titan is the friends we made along the way

  DO YOU THINK WILLY IS DEAD? 1,872 Responses

 Willy is an interestingly captivating character. A man who is full of self hatred and doubt, who tries to make the best of his bad situation, who also ends up sacrificing his own life to be taken seriously. Wow. Not saying he's a good person, but he's mighty interesting. Or, "was". Thanks, ERIN.

Honestly, I feel angry about Willy's death. Well, not sure if he is dead but probably he is or will be. I feel he was not 100% bad person, he had a lot of feelings and emotions inside. When he was crying while saying he didn't want to die, I felt that he was telling it to Eren. Willy was one of the characters I liked and I wanted him to cooperate with SC. Seeing him killed pissed me off really a lot. Does Isayama really MUST kill all my fav characters? Maybe he feels pleasure of killing good-written chars and leaving the most plain ones and the ones I don't give a crap about.

  WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPEFUL FOR IN CHAPTER 101? 1,870 Responses

1,070 (57.2%) The Survey Corp. Finally!

1,038 (55.5%) What game is Zeke playing?

964 (51.6%) Finding out Eren’s ultimate goal

875 (46.8%) Trapdoor-kun’s identity is revealed

791 (42.3%) ANNIE

654 (35%)  LEVI

581 (31.1%) More Grim reminder

424 (22.7%) More on Lady Kyomi

348 (18.6%) More Reiner suffering

327 (17.5%) Porco and Pieck use the potty

324 (17.3%) Reiner is saved from the purgatory that is his life

309 (16.5%) Armored Titan vs Attack Titan

267 (14.3%)  Flashback of Marcel being eaten

243 (13%) Porco and Pieck are rescued

199 (10.6%) Karina dies

164 (8.8%) Willy survives

Everyone is still looking out for the survey corp to return, followed closely by working out allegiances and identities of several key players. Isayama keeps the mystery going for another chapter.

if 101 doesnt open with the grim reminder narration Im suing isayama

How will Porco and Pieck have any privacy while using the 'duck'? GUYS PLEASE, STOP WITH YOUR STUPID WAR THEORIES AND GET TO THIS IMPORTANT ISSUE

I honestly just want Ponytail Armin to happen by 105.  That is all.

I just want Reiner to have survived, he could do so much good given the chance.

Honestly I'm dissapointed that we didn't get to see the Paradis cast in this chapter.

Flashback of marcel's death  from the perspective of every atom present at the time

Kiyomi drinking wine with smirk in Cersei style watching the chaos in Liberio

Carla using the P A T H S to tell his son to fucking chill

Reiner to have some closure on Bert's death

Surprise! Ymir flashback.

  HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT TO RETURN TO THE ORIGINAL CAST ON PARADIS? 1,871 Responses

With so much Eren in this chapter, there’s still a good amount of thirst to see the Paradis cast! Of those who chose option 5, we’re down from 38.1% last month to 35.9%, but you wouldn’t be able to tell that from the amount of write-ins we received begging for certain characters to return!

I really have a problem with the ask "How baldy do you want to return to the original cast on paradis?" because i highly suspect that the original cast is in marley but also want to return to their pov so badly! What should i answer? 

Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts. Main casts.

  WHICH CHARACTERS DO YOU GENERALLY ENJOY THE MOST 1,881 Responses

  WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES 1,848 Responses

ANY OTHER CHAPTER THOUGHTS YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE? 292 Responses

*insert the most epic of Sawano tracks*

Woke AF. Adopting other shifter personality traits (scratching his ear like Zeke) possibly because PATHS?

"I will just keep moving forward until my enemies are destroyed" I dread the meaning behind this line because if "destroying his enemies" is like what happened to Willy then Eren is going down a very dangerous road.

*breaths in* *exhales* BOI

SO GLAD THAT I WON BINGO ON GRIM REMINDER 2.0. Thank you Isayama for the craziest ride to chapter 100! It's been fun, frightening, saddening and honestly, the best thing that has ever happened in my life. It's thanks to Isayama that I met so many amazing friends and experienced so many emotions that only he could ever create. I've been reading since chapter 49, and I will continue until the end.

I really miss Levi and Erwin.  Seeing them in the fake preview from the new volume brought tears to my eyes... it was so nice to see Erwin so peaceful and calm.  Part of me is glad that he's not seeing this shitshow, but I get the feeling that he would have come up with a better plan for dealing with the Tyburs than EREN SMASH! EREN ANGRY >:E

Man. Chapter 100. SnK has come a loooong way

Marley arc and especially this chapter have been a blessing so far, loving every second of it. I hope this arc will continue as is, seeing how well written it seems to be already. May the suffering of Reigner continue

If Annie dies off screen (aka gets Ymir'd) I will be indescribably upset

If Annie is now a comrade of the Paradis people after Eren successing on freeing her, I'm going to eat my pants for breakfast.

Is it me or does the Attack Titan looks a bit different (bulkier/bigger?)

Isayama and his brilliant parallels

Isayama hear my call please show me Hange Zoe I just need her back I need to see her again

Kudos to Isayama for being able to keep this story so engaging.

Magath reminds me a lot of Keith Shadis. He knows that he has sent so many people to death, regrets lots of things, and has started to think differently. He could be an interesting "boss", since some of us always expected Keith to be "bad".

Porco and Pieck are going to be in that pit long enough they're gonna need that little training potty. D:

When Eren cited Marley indoctrination following the word "but" on pg. 26, it told me unambiguously Eren admitted RBA & Warriors are more justified than he since he made a note of that difference. Funny how much of the fandom believed Marley Warriors cannot be justified, forgiven, etc., at all until Eren says 'me, too.' Then suddenly, "Eren's justified! He's just doing an job now!" sans RBA's tremendous guilt, esp. Bert & Reiner's.

IMAGINE FALCO TRYING TO WAKE UP THE IMPALED REINER THEN RUNNING OFF TO SAEV GABI THEN REINER REMENISING AND THINKING ABOUT WHAT EREN'S GONNA DO TO THE PEOPLE HE LOVES AND GOING "I'LL EXTERMINATE THEM, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM" THEN TRANSFORM THEN PUNCH EREN IN THE FACE.

Really epic okay, still left me with a bit of bitterness because it showed how Eren isn't changed in better but only believes in violence. It is madness and cruelty with no end. How sad

Reiner being the main character is the best thing in this manga. Porco migh sacrifice himself to save Reiner from Eren during their titan fight after getting more of his memories back (Eren eats Porco). Enraged, Reiner finally manages to get the advantage over Eren and eats Eren. Thus, Reiner succeeds in having 4 of the shifter powers in his control. Eventually Reiner will seek his own path separate from Paradise and the World itself.

That duck shaped potty thing, what the actual heck??? Is that what that was??? Anywho, this chapter had an interesting moment after Reiner's explanations of his actions. That alongside Willy's desire to live were the most powerful points in the chapter.... The panel where he begins to transform, he has a look of enhanced determination as opposed to desire to snap the olive branch. That in context to the whole conversation, it just makes it seem unlikely. But then, this is SNK. We'll see what happens.

The Guy with the newspaper who is he ?

The illustration in those last few pages was AMAZING. Maybe the best panels I've seen in the manga.

The way Eren listened to Willy's speech and was reconsidering his actions because of the line "I was born in this world" but then closing his eyes and accepting what he had to do after the declaration was chilling.

The whole thing got complicated all of a sudden. I still can't believe Paradis elaborated complex navigation in 3 years. We don't kniw what happened there, but no way they're on par with Marley. Who the hell is this trapdoor guy?

This chapter is THE bomb. It made me cry and smile like crazy. Isayama sure knows what he's doing. Can't wait for 101.

Even though i love the chapter, my issue is still same. Pacing is so slow! I felt this even more at the end of the chapter. Villi screaming "They're only Eldians!" to Magath was totally sick. Also Eren's crazy smile when he shaked hands with reiner..... damn it. I know reiner is fine and well, but i am scared for falco and rest.....

This chapter was amazing from a thematic and character standpoint. I hope that now that the action is beginning we'll get to see trapdoor-kun's identity and the rest of the sc soon.

This chapter was amazing. The way the chapter ended left me (once again) shaking in my seat. Isayama knows how to write his manga, kudos to him!

This chapter was the climax of Reiner and Eren's latest developments, I can tell the story is gonna kick into overdrive soon, and I can't wait.

This is a story about war, there will be lines crossed and sacrifices made. I learned not to label characters and their actions so carelessly without trying to put myself in their shoes or at least try to decipher what caused/pushed them to act as such. So to see other readers so ready to condemn Eren (and the rest of the walldians) as evil is ridiculous - especially after reading the tribulations Eren and the rest has gone through. I do not and will condone or support his actions if he does cause collateral damage, but at this point I'm just going to be on the neutral and observe how this story will unravel. With how things are going, I think...in the end, no one will get a decent happy ending here...perhaps some fool's hope.

This is a long poll

(You’re telling me!!!!)

    Since the third Bessatsu Shonen popularity poll was released along with this chapter, we thought we'd ask your opinion...

WHAT BEST MATCHES YOUR THOUGHTS ON ERWIN BEING THE WINNER? 1,786 Responses

32.3% of you are my people and an additional 42.2% are welcome to eat at my table. There was lots of love for Erwin here, but Kasch and I were both a little surprised at amount of salt. I read it. I’m not including it. (And some of ya'll trashed my guy and added your names 😱 )

Look at this smart person:

Lol i'm not trashing Erwin on fucking momtaku's poll I'm not dumb or a jackass

Thank you for not being dumb or a jackass 👍!

Happily, there were some really great, smart, funny and probably beautiful people who smell nice and have lots of friends who included comments about Erwin’s win:

Erwins a great character and a handsy boy. He totally deserves it haha xD Rip Commander Eyebrows

He deserved it and I love Levi's expression that both asks his fans why they let him down but is also so proud and happy for Erwin!

He deserves it but his massive lead over Levi is surprising. Season 2 still fresh in people's minds, I suppose.

his eyebrows should have been #1

While Erwin deserves it his top place was probably a last homage from the fans. I found it strange that the poll numbers were so low compared to the other polls tho!

I'm guessing he won because of how cool and what a great leader he was this season in the anime and also from the manga readers still being bitter and enraged by the serum bowl? Erwin is definitely in top 10 interesting characters for me.

And a few more comments worth including:

Actually, I'm not even mad, I'm amazed that 2 dead people have the first and last positions....

I loved that fans were rabid enough to vote for a dude who died last year. If nothing else, that's some mighty fine trolling.

ARE YOU GENERALLY HAPPY WITH THE TOP 10? 1,813 Responses

A poll with only 6000 votes is not considerable neither representative of the fandom reality

At least it wasn't Levi.

Hanji Zoe deserves 1st place smh

Bertholt and mikasa are tie fighters now?

I wish that Ymir or Historia at least made it into the Top 10.

ANNIE WASN'T ON THE TOP 10, WTF, THIS IS A TRAGEDY

  AND LASTLY FOR MY POLL CO-CREATOR, BECAUSE SHE WON’T LET ME OUT OF THIS LOCKED BASEMENT ROOM UNLESS I INCLUDE THIS, HOW SAD ARE YOU THAT REINER IS 9TH? 1,766 Responses

Sincerely I think Reiner deserves the first place because his character has really shown emotional depth this chapters.

I'm upset! the guy is already dead. Reiner really deserve it this time

Suffering and begging for death in the manga, 9th in the popularity poll... it's okay, I still love you, Reiner ; _ ;

If you made it to the end of this, thank you! See you next month!

[memorylang]

Identity at the End | #34 | March 2020

With this last story, I share my journey crossing the States, having arrived from Mongolia beyond a blur evacuating around COVID-19.  

With this to conclude my first nine months a Peace Corps Volunteer, I focus on identity. I share subtle moments from between hours of packing, farewells to Mongolian friends and the journey to Mongolia’s capital. I also share huge moments from my flights crossing Eurasia. By my stories’ end, you’ll know what’s next.

First, let’s pick up where we left off. 

America Alone

Moments before, I said goodbye to the last Peace Corps Volunteer I’d see for a while. That late Thursday, March 5, I just had me now. 

I stepped inside the Radisson JFK where I’d stay this night. I felt a little disappointed the receptionist said to take the 5:30 a.m. shuttle not the 6:30 (when I could’ve gotten breakfast). But I tried not to sweat it, knowing my backpack of food from Mongolia remained. 

That night, I enjoyed a refreshing shower, rested four and a half hours and reorganized my packs to get off the many clothes layers I wouldn’t wear flying to Vegas. Then I headed forth before the crack of dawn. 

Turns out my flight’s captain rode our shuttle, which felt neat. Being able to understand people’s small talk in English felt weird. Like a superpower. 

The shuttle driver had us announce our airlines, then he dropped us off accordingly. Nice guy. 

I wandered to find Delta in JFK’s big place. Bright lights contrasted outside’s darkness. American diversity caught my eye. I felt amazed, seeing so many different looking people. I felt as though in ‘another country’ in the Big Apple. Even when I lived in Nevada, visiting NYC felt like trips abroad. 

I felt surprised to see almost no one wore masks to try mitigating Coronavirus spread. I heard New York had serious cases. So, I let my guard down a little, figuring on that Friday, March 6, I’d escaped global paranoia. 

One Last Airport 

Well, at my check-in desk, the woman told me to stand against a wall when I spoke of having returned from Mongolia. She added she was joking. I didn’t like her joke. Thus, I returned to limit mentioning I was in Mongolia (which, at that time, had no COVID-19 cases). 

As I waited in lines, I checked my phone to see Peace Corps friends announcing in our group chat they were home. Others had stickier situations. My Catholic friend, for example, got stranded overnight in Berlin, since his group, scheduled to fly through Frankfurt, rescheduled. My friend sent me beautiful photos from his Berlin outing. I felt glad. 

After clearing security, I felt convenience being able to prop my foot on a bench to tie my boot. To elevate feet is a bit taboo in Mongolia. So, American culture has its conveniences.

Aboard the shuttle to my gate, I noticed the time and saw I’d reach by 6:30 a.m., not even boarding till 7:30. I could’ve had time to grab breakfast at the hotel. But, then I remembered today’s the second Friday of Lent. So, a fasting day. Perhaps God did me a favor having me miss breakfast, hehe...

American Culture 

In the West, I get few bonus points for adhering to culture norms. Especially in the States, many unremarkably expect others to know how things work. 

I felt this at a water fountain near my JFK gate. A woman stood sort of behind a man refilling his bottle, but she was a bit to the left side. So I asked her, "Are you filling up, too?" She replied yes pleasantly. So I waited to refill my bottle after her. 

Americans expect each other to wait their turns. We assume people who arrive first should go first. If we're not sure, we might ask. On the flip side, in the East, usually the most urgent people go, even if they’re not first. 

I also liked how people in Asia felt more amazed when I followed cultural norms, for they often didn’t expect foreigners to know them. I received more forgiveness, too, for my Asian faux pas, too. 

(Bonus points if you remembered I couldn’t find a drinking fountain in Amsterdam’s airport, the day before!)

Ready for Takeoff

I returned to my waiting area seat. Amusingly, I noticed my Delta flight marked, ‘DL’—It had my name on it! I shared. Peace Corps staff liked my joke. 

When my Peace Corps cohort first met last May, we’d asked each other where in the States we came from. Fast-forward nine months to a couple days ago in Mongolia’s capital for evacuation, and we’d asked the reverse: where we’d fly home. Many felt surprised I’d fly to Vegas, for they say I don’t seem I’d be from there. I usually just added it’s where my family lives. I think my Midwestern childhood shaped me enough to still consider myself more ‘from’ the Midwest. Still, Vegas is alright. 

We boarded, and I, having settled in, found myself with my last flight home. Outside, I saw personnel defrosting the wing. I remembered Ulaanbaatar the day before. This time, chemicals weren’t green, just misty. 

As our plane climbed, I paused, pondering how to mark the occasion of my Peace Corps journey’s last leg. And so, identity resurfaced as what I sought to reevaluate. Now, I take you one last time down evacuation memory lane. 

World Window—Change

Barely a week earlier than New York was Thursday, Feb. 27, and I needed a break. The night before, we Peace Corps Mongolia Volunteers learned we’d leave and had to pack up as fast as feasible. So in my apartment I pushed the night through day, finally sleeping that afternoon after receiving notice I wouldn’t leave till the coming Sunday, March 1. 

I paused later that evening, taking another break from packing. A Peace Corps cohort friend called me. We sometimes chatted on slower evenings to check in, given our shared interests in anthropology, history, religions and the like. 

Well, we wound up chatting a cathartic two hours (which wasn’t too uncommon). Since her province was near the capital, Peace Corps would collect Volunteers from her site over a day before mine. So she’d already arrive and could fill me in after I make it. I felt seeing each other again so soon since December would feel weird but cool! 

As we talked, I’d paced into my bedroom, habitually gazing out my window. 

The sun was setting. I’d only two sunsets left before leaving this city I loved. I longed to savor these moments. As the call progressed, a dark night bloomed with faraway lights seeming star-like. 

My window overlooked both a nearby hill to my ger district on the left and faraway hills of another get district toward the center. In my right periphery, I saw a smidge of downtown’s few tall apartments, beside the two-lane main road. Few cars passed afar now, for cops enforced people remain at home to mitigate Coronavirus’ spread if it reached Mongolia. 

World Window—Acceptance 

I realized while chatting with my Peace Corps friend, when I first arrived in this city, I felt lonelier. This quarantine revived my August 2019 feeling of knowing people are out there but not knowing where to see them. At that time, I didn’t know who they were or what they were like. 

So now, I realized, I’d really integrated, after all. 

Integration wasn’t how I expected—Peace Corps life rarely is.  

I worried, when Peace Corps Mongolia placed me at a site that’s known Volunteers for generations, I could have to live up to predecessors’ standards. But rather, locals seemed more interested in knowing me for me. I found adventure in uncovering past cohorts through locals’ fond memories. 

In my city, I met so many talented people with huge dreams. And they wanted me to be part of those dreams (or I already was). I hoped in the days following to fit the few goodbyes I could. 

For, I’ve loved being a Volunteer. To live as a servant feels liberating. I live to serve, and the world meets my needs. In whatever jobs I take after Peace Corps, I want to serve. 

My friend and I’d later meet again Monday afternoon, March 2, when she caught me up in the capital. We drained our bank accounts together that Wednesday. And on Thursday, March 5, we coincidentally sat i n the same row for our flights to Moscow and Berlin. 

Easier Being Me Overseas

Cultures sure reveal subjectivities. 

Before Peace Corps, many people I knew, including my parents, didn’t like much my  abnormally great willingness to let my joy be joy and show my enthusiasm as it is. Indeed, many preferred I be less ‘that.’ As I grew older, I learned to stifle these more regularly. I considered if I was blessed with great joy, then praying for temperance can help me balance it. 

To my amazement, many Mongolians found my tendencies endearing. I loved how in Mongolia, many enjoyed my idle rhythmic movements, calling them, “dancing,” versus my dad’s more patronizing label of, “swaying in the breeze.” (Even Mom once asked a doctor if I’d something wrong with me…) So Mongolians were kinder. 

On Sunday, March 1, while my Peace Corps group evacuated to the capital and our car met up with the van, I felt overjoyed seeing again Peace Corps friends. 

I know expressiveness has its time and place—I did public relations and communications. But in interpersonal life, when we’re freer to be ourselves, I try to be myself. And, while people in the West tended to view my actions as ‘childish,’ those in the East tended to view the same as ‘cute.’ Mongolians (and Chinese, too) more often enjoyed my visible and verbal elation toward our world’s wonders. I felt relieved from greater acceptance. 

But, I felt touched, too, by a Peace Corps friend who asked me to give her a moment for sorrow when she needed it. To voice our needs, I feel, is among the most powerful and difficult tasks in our lives. When she had that courage, I respected her wishes and returned to humble masking. Outside, I still felt awed to bask in snowy hills we Peace Corps Volunteers had to leave behind. 

My friend and I reconnected the next day, after getting time in the capital to understand our evacuation. She was my senior cohort friend I enjoyed dinner with Monday night, alongside the anthro. friend from my cohort. 

From Nine Months—Mongolian?

Throughout Lunar New Year’s /Tsagaan Sar/, I confused local children when they opened their family’s doors to me. Their parents would explain I'm a Peace Corps Volunteer from America who speaks English, to which the children would apologize to me thinking I was Mongolian! 

I didn’t mind. I figured this mostly came from children’s lack of meeting foreigners. 

Fast-forward a few days later, and my friends gathered in my apartment to see me off Saturday night, Feb. 29. While they relaxed in my living room thankfully enjoying my snacks, they asked what I'd do in the States and how I felt. I admitted worries that American anti-Asian sentiments grew, considering Coronavirus’ source as China. 

But my friends looked shocked and insisted, no I don't look Chinese, I just look American. 

I mentally pushed back, knowing I look to most Americans Chinese (but at least Asian). Still, I felt debating whether Americans think I look American felt trivial. I just chuckled, accepting my friends’ positive vibes. If only more Americans were as inclusive as these Mongolians...

During my sunset hike later that night, my high schooler friend added something else: 

"You look like a Mongolian person!"

Having summited and taken our selfies, I sat nonchalantly on a rock. I wore my face mask, hats and all, plus the sky-blue jacket my colleagues gifted me. My friend insisted I looked Mongolian. I had him photograph me so I could share it with the others. To my amazement, my FLEX alumnus friend agreed with the teen! I hadn’t done anything outside my norm, so I felt amused that my mannerisms made me seem Mongolian to Mongolians. 

Nine months seems enough time to be born again. 

Flying Mongolian

Aboard my MIAT Mongolian Airlines flight from Thursday, March 5, identity confusion extended. 

The experience led me to ponder, one does not often aspire to be a foreigner. People yearn to belong, to integrate. 

Here’s the first part. As the flight attendant came down the aisle, she addressed passengers in either Mongolian and English (and maybe Russian, too). But when she reached me, she spoke straight Mongolian! I felt surprised but went with it. I replied, "цай" /tsahy/ (tea), followed by "хамаагүй" /ha-mah-gwee/ (doesn't matter) when she inquired which kind. 

I felt shocked how smooth that went, too. It reminded me of flights to and from China, when attendants would sometimes address me in Chinese and I’d reply likewise. 

Still, the next few times the attendants addressed me, they continued speaking to me exclusively in Mongolian, even after they spoke English to my Caucasian Peace Corps Volunteer friend seated across my row. 

Eventually I reckoned flight staff thought I was Mongolian because I wore a face mask like Mongolian passengers. 

Before long, I felt a moment's impostor situation. Flight staff came back down the aisle to ask about drinks again, after serving meals. I'd my mask off. 

I feared, this is it. They'll see me as the foreigner I am and stop speaking to me in Mongolian. Well, I felt moved while it lasted. 

Then God surprised me! The attendant asked in Mongolian what I’d drink. She didn't quite hear me a moment, though. I flinched—I thought, oh, she can see my lips, she’ll know I’m inauthentic. 

I trooped on anyway and tried again, "ус" /ohs/ (water). She heard, provided and continued on—And that was that. 

I felt stunned. 

Ultimately, I felt so content Mongolians assumed me for Mongolian. I guess that's the ultimate step of belonging—being believed to be like anyone else. 

Never in high school would I have guessed that the civilization I loved so much might one day assume I too came from their great nation Chinggis Khaan made.

Flying Ambiguity 

I later felt disappointed when a flight attendant responded, "Water?" in response to something I asked in Mongolian. 

So I wondered what factors influenced with which language flight attendants addressed me. 

I wondered if my Asian features made me seem Mongolian. Or maybe the sky blue jacket my colleagues gifted. I suspected once I hid my mask and stowed my extra cold-weather sweater that I took on the more "foreign" look. Perhaps my mannerisms influenced, too. Maybe when I read English language books, I seemed better to speak English with. 

But I acknowledged even on Chinese airlines, attendants consistently inconsistently chose in which language to address me. So, achieving similar cultural ambiguity for seeming as Mongolian to Mongolians as I seemed Chinese to Chinese felt the best of both worlds! 

Further, as our flight was leaving Moscow for Berlin, I noticed attendants asked me in English, "Please stow your luggage under the seat," but in Mongolian said, "Please turn off your phone." 

Originally I wondered if maybe some just didn't know English? But I heard them speak it. Maybe speaking English just took more mental energy? I hypothesized at last they spoke English when they suspected I wouldn’t understand the Mongolian, otherwise addressing me in Mongolian. 

On an amusing note, I noticed on the flight, “бүсээ” /büsehh/ meant “belt,” which sounded similar to the word “бүс,” which Peace Corps Mongolia translated as “region.” I felt comforted by this simple connection I made in trying to get the language.

But my language musings fell away once we touched down in Berlin and made the many farewells. I transferred from the Mongolian airline to a Dutch one. European cultures drew my attention. Then at last I reached America. 

Discerning Aspirations

As I flew alone above the States, I felt the hollowness of having made my last goodbyes to amazing Peace Corps people. 

When I get the call back to Mongolia, I’ll go. If I can’t, I’ll find a new path. 

In the meantime, I accepted my first nine Mongolian months had passed. Moments later, I felt the vibes of my past flights from New York home to Vegas. I tended to see in-flight films back then. 

With hours left till Vegas, I relaxed, taking up my ol’ habit searching for either Chinese films or English ones subtitled in Chinese. “Frozen II” had subtitles. I’d passed it on flights before, so I decided I’d give it a try. 

Then I felt moved. Seeing Anna’s self-giving love and Elsa’s identity bound seeking their late mother, “Frozen II” catalyzed my new start in America. I actually cried from its climax. (So, see “Frozen II” ahead of the story I’ll write this May, if you fear spoilers.) I’ll return to this in time for Mother’s Day. 

The End

For now, this marks the finale to my Mongolian start as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Having returned home Friday, March 6, 2020 to an America just waking up to COVID-19, I’ve been stateside exactly eight weeks now. 

Less than 10 days after my return home, Peace Corps would make international headlines, and my life flared up that Lent. Then came Easter, life’s renewal. 

So something’s next—sweeping us through both March and April, 2020—my Easter epilogue. 

Till then, thank you for joining me. I hope you learned something from these 34 stories—They were at least entertaining, right? Well, thanks for humoring me anyway. I look forward to sharing with you how I’ve spent my American quarantine and the hope in life to come. 

Love, Daniel <3

You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

[melancholiablackbile]

A lot of questions... my my, someone's curious lol

@black-satin-dancer tagged me, cheers dude :D

Rules: answer all the questions, add one of your own and tag as many people as there are questions …pshh please, let’s keep it realistic - I don’t even know that many people irl. (also didn’t feel obligated to answer the Dragon age/Mars effect questions, because I’ve never played it)

1. coke or pepsi?

Neither. I absolutely hate fizzy sweet drinks lol. The only thing I enjoy is kombucha and I’ve had ginger ale which I can tolerate. (btw did you know there’s something called bacon soda? I just found out and I’m absolutely horrified and disgusted. pls burn this knowledge out of my brain thank)

2. disney or dreamworks?

I don’t have a preference, nor am I overly invested in any of the two, so it depends. By Disney I really like Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare before Christmas and Frankenweenie, to pick a few. As for DreamWorks, Penguins of Madagascar are THE SHIT omg 3. coffee or tea? I’m a tea person, however I enjoy coffee flavour in things

4. books or movies?

Both

5. windows or mac?

I use windows, don’t feel like I’m missing out or anything tbh

6. dc or marvel?

I’m only starting to get into comics, and I’ve probably seen more marvel films than dc ones, but I think I like dc a little more I like the older Batman films by Tim Burton.

7. xbox or playstation?

playstation. “OF COURSE we’re going to go with the ps4 - they’re blacker!” :D

8. dragon age or mass effect?

Haven’t played either, but was thinking about giving Dragon age a go

9. night owl or early riser?

aw shit dude, I don’t even know anymore. my sleeping schedule is so fucked up lately, I tend to be a night owl tho. But hey, time isn’t really anyway, so..

10. cards or chess?

both, but you can do more with cards. like chess is just one game, but there are lots of different card games. I personally identify with CAH, I think the company should hire me, because I’m a horrible person lmao

11. chocolate or vanilla?

chocolate all the way. I don’t eat it often, but when I do, I’m a snob about it - I only like the dark stuff (only vegan ofc). bonus points, if there’s dried fruit like berries in it. To sum it up (i’m taking this way too seriously and detailed lol, but I have insomnia ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) overall, chocolate flavour is better I guess, vanilla makes me vomit, it’s disgusting and I hate it. 12.vans or converse? I used to own a pair of converse, but neither are shoes I’d wear now

13. fluff or angst?

a good combination of both ehehe

14. beach or forest?

forests are awesome - they are green and smell amazing, you can spot a lot of wild animals and the atmosphere is very serene and calming. I’ll always pick forests over beaches, unless the beach is all sand or small round marble stones, the water is clear without the detached, rotting algae stuff that floats around and ew, the sun has fucked off so I don’t get sunburnt (my skin always skips the tan stage right to red and I prefer pale skin anyway) and all sweaty and shit, there are NO people beside those I’m there with and I do NOT spot any animal while in the water that’s bigger than like 5cm. Because even though I love and respect it deeply, I’m genuinely afraid of sea life, I don’t care that there are lots of totally harmless creatures. …lmao, I feel like a rich asshole saying all that - way too many demands. (sorry sea/ocean, I love you, but you freak me the fuck out)

15. dogs or cats?

I have dogs, but I love both. With dogs, the love is more likely to be returned though :D

16. clear skies or rain?

clear night skies for star gazing, rain during the day

17. cooking or eating out?

I eat mostly raw vegan nowadays, because it’s healthy I don’t have the energy to cook and can’t be arsed and I’m not too fond of eating in public so… preparing/eating food at home?

18. spicy food or mild food?

all the spices lol

19. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas?

How is this a question, have you met me? My whole existence basically revolves around celebrating Halloween like every day

20. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot?

The first one is way better imho, I’m usually a little too cold anyway (no pun intended omg) and I’m fine with that.

21. if you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Hydrokinesis (so basically I’d be a water bender ehehe) or Telepathy

22. animation or live action?

both are great (with the exception of some anime adaptations lol)

23. baths or showers?

showers don’t take too long, but baths are very nice from time to time

24. team cap or team ironman?

Team Loki, duh! No, but honestly, I’m not really invested in the whole civil war thing, but if cap is a nazi, then I’m team ironman

25. fantasy or sci-fi?

both are amazing and bring happiness into my life

26. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so, what are they?

I guess I have a lot of favourite ones, but these two came to my mind right now: “I do desire we may be strangers” (Shakespeare) it’s such a classy and eloquent way to tell someone you hate them :D “And so being young and dipped in folly, I fell in love with melancholy” (E.A. Poe) because ME tbh

27. youtube or netflix? 

Youtube, no netflix here

28. harry potter or percy jackson?

Harry Potter all the way. I’ve read the first Percy jackson pentalogy and don’t get me wrong, Greek mythology is awesome, but wizards over demigods

29. when do you feel accomplished?

Idk, when I’m able to do more than the bare minimum and when I totally Tony Stark the whole subject/study material the night before the exam. and probably smug/petty rather than accomplished - when I prove horrible people/people I don’t like wrong or do things they don’t approve of lol

30. star wars or star trek?

I have to say Star Trek but I love both

31. paperback or hardback books?

Hardback. HARDBACK!

32. horror or rom-com?

I’ve always gravitated towards horror - psychological, gothic, really bad b/c movie style, etc. - I get bored by rom-coms

33. tv shows or movies?

depends, but both. as an aspiring actor, beside theatre, I think I’d like to work on films over tv shows - if I ever get the chance to do so that is

34. favourite animal?

penguins, rats, corvids.. but like, birds in general and all animals are awesome anyway and precious and worth of life 35. favourite genre of music? alternative rock - which is a broad spectrum tho, so I guess rock sub-genres in general.. art rock, goth rock, punk rock my favourite (purely because of the name) is krautrock (aka kosmische Musik) which is the German term for space rock, but the literal translation is either herb or cabbage rock lmao :D throw in some psychedelic stuff, ambient music, experimental and classical and I’m good to go

36. least favourite book?

Madame Bovary. I think The Great Gatsby was boring too. I don’t usually read books without researching it a bit before so I can somewhat predict whether I’ll like it or not. (btw, if you’re into fantasy at all, 10/10 recommend reading the series A Raven’s Shadow by Anthony Ryan, he’s such an eloquent writer and the plot and characters are incredible! 37. favourite season? The season of Halloween - autumn all the way

38. song that’s currently stuck in your head?

Cinnamon Bone by Eliza Rickman. She has a really nice voice and combined with the melody it sounds very unique. Actually didn’t know who the singer was until a few days ago. She also performed in the weather section in a Welcome to Night Vale episode. Oh and I rewatched CATS the musical on Sunday, so like.. the whole libretto is playing in my head on loop :D I’ve pretty much known the entire thing by heart since I was like 8 lol

39. what kind of pyjamas do you wear?

Either boxer shorts or Levi Ackerman’s running titan pyjamas lmao

40. how many existential crises do you have on an average day?

I’m having an ongoing one since the age of 16 tbh

41. if you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be?

Space Oddity by David Bowie

42. favourite theme song to a TV show?

I’ve know this song before I started watching the show, but Far from Any Road from True Detective is amazing. And the opening to snk season 2 lol, it gets me all fired up and ready to salivate every time Levi appears cry probably idk :D

43. harry potter movies or books?

even though, they are problematic in some aspects, both have their charm (pun absolutely intended this time)

44. you can make your OTP become canon but you’ll forget that tumblr exists. will you do it? 

Bitch, my otp is canon. and I doubt anyone can really forget about tumblr - you can try and leave, but it will never leave you

45. do you play an instrument and if so, what is it? 

Not like professionally or since early childhood and all that, but I taught myself how to play the violin and I think I’m pretty decent. Same goes for drums. My dad and I low-key collect musical instruments, I think we have around 20+ pieces ^^

46. what is the worst way to die?

alone and helpless and in excruciating pain from whatever the cause was that didn’t kill you immediately though, so you have to suffer

47. if you could be entirely invisible for a day, what would you do? 

Be sneaky ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) lol idk, I’d do stuff anxiety and self-consciousness prevent me from in normal life. Okay, that is so pathetic, but my first thought was “I’d go swimming” … *wipes away a tear*

48. If you could have personally witnessed anything in history what would it be?

I feel like it’s kinda selfish and considering I’d choose this out of any moment in history maybe a wasted opportunity? but I would have loved to see David Bowie perform. Idk, I’m sure there’s more, but it’s 3am here..

49. If you could understand animals but you could never understand humans again, would you?

I find I often don’t understand humans anyway..

50. What is your most favourite album currently?

The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars by David Bowie is my go to favourite album, haven’t really listened to whole albums lately, just a few songs here and there 51. (my question) What is your favourite word/phrase/colloquiallism? Name one (or more) per language you speak c:

tbh, Jeremy tagged most of the people I’d tag too, so I’m just adding @the-river-dream-shore and @slecnaztemnot to this if they or anyone else feel like it ;) I’m going to sleep now hopefully~

Note: Wow, that’s a lot of reading material lol. Why did I sound so angry?? I was tired, so that took a toll on my answers, I promise I’m not that much of an asshole :D

[fluffybunnybadass]

The three TGP sisters, plus Melody (Pokeverse) and Alt-Melody. Maybe Douchebagel, too.

the prompt

Full Name:Gender and Sexuality:Pronouns:Ethnicity/Species:Birthplace and Birthdate:Guilty Pleasures:Phobias:What They Would Be Famous For:What They Would Get Arrested For:OC You Ship Them With:OC Most Likely To Murder Them:Favorite Movie/Book Genre:Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche:Talents and/or Powers:Why Someone Might Love Them:Why Someone Might Hate Them:How They Change:Why You Love Them:

Sarai Chiaki

Full Name: Sarai Lin ChiakiGender and Sexuality: Female and Demiro Pansexual. Or maybe bi, but I’m honestly not sure for her in particular.Pronouns: She/herEthnicity/Species: Human/technically half-celestial, JapaneseBirthplace and Birthdate: [sputtering noises for birthplace], I forget if I kept her berdei the same as mine considering how quickly she ran from being a self-insert like right away from point of creation. :TGuilty Pleasures: [HURR HURR] reading fluffy stuff on the occasion, thinking about dat romancePhobias: being hurt/betrayed, some heights??? I forget. I don’t think her fears came up much when I was using her. :T;What They Would Be Famous For: Last I checked, it’s underground poprock star [currently a Paramore cover band]What They Would Get Arrested For: Trespassing, tbh.OC You Ship Them With: no one atm?? i mean i’d probably ship her with her bandmates if I had to pick a ship, since her and Shroud are kind of not a thing anymore [actual reason: don’t talk to that mun anymore]OC Most Likely To Murder Them: idk Raven probably [of mine, uh. QB I guess, she’s the only one to actually commit murder out of like everyone]Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Action/comedyLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: dramas/period dramasTalents and/or Powers: uhhh does being chronically depressed count uhhh she’s kinda good at her cover band gig. She’s the only one in her family that seems to be powerless, even though her parents are a celestial/angel and a powerful mage, she has 0 abilities. She secretly blames her older sisters for taking all of them, even if that isn’t the case anymore.Why Someone Might Love Them: She was the quirky LULZ RANDOM1!! teen, also is treated poorly by her narrative tbqh...Why Someone Might Hate Them: She’s chronically depressed as of late/has become hardened as a result, like even to the point of another OC known for being a bitch coming in and being like “dude. stop being a bitch. you’re a human it’s literally against your biological inclinations to isolate yourself and be vitriolic.”How They Change: already answered above, but they go from being the low-key depressed but presenting RANDUMS LULZ!!! teen and eventually become full-blown depression because wow she has nothing to offer the world and continues to lack reasons to believe opposite.Why You Love Them: I... made... her??? like I don’t even know. Also maybe because we vibe a lot on the whole “I’m nothing special, everyone else [in my family] has something special about them” aspects of bad brain thinking.

Hamano Chiaki

Full Name: Hamano [nee Chiaki]. I forget her husband’s last name lolwoops. [alternatively, wonder if the girls all just. keep their last name and it’s only a technicality. They’re all still referred to as the Chiaki sisters, after all]Gender and Sexuality: female and I don’t know!! hetero/guy-loving?Pronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: Human/half-celestial, JapaneseBirthplace and Birthdate: [whirrrling noises] I forget her birthday i’m sure it’s on her lj/gaia.... apparently it’s 9/30? huh. I always thought she was a summer muse. ok then.Guilty Pleasures: TRASHY ROMANCE MOVIES/NOVELS, like they’re so bad but she loves all the cheesy romance stuff. and some of the trashy stuff too. Phobias: Not being able to help someone/her sisters, losing her sisters.What They Would Be Famous For: Clothes/designing/teaching design!What They Would Get Arrested For: nothing she is too good. [maybe if mind-reading is illegal]OC You Ship Them With: @whenocsareooc / @curseyoupikachu ’s  Mikhail. ..Kurogawa? or was that someone else’s last name lol.OC Most Likely To Murder Them: who would want to murder her. qb doesn’t count, she’s always dtmFavorite Movie/Book Genre: Romance/”chick flicks”Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: hypermasculine action festsTalents and/or Powers: Psychic. Telekinesis, telepathy, spirit sensing, etc etc.Why Someone Might Love Them: She’s super sweet and her love of romance stuff is p. admirable.Why Someone Might Hate Them: she’s “too girly” and “cheats by mindreading”How They Change: She was a romance tryhard and flirty with all the boys, she eventually calms down when she finally meets Mikhail [she’s always been faithful to whomever she was dating, but she rarely found someone she was attracted to like. all the time. or something.]. She also goes from being the quiet middle sheep between her older and younger sister, and more actively mediates and takes part in their lives, instead of doing whatever she felt would create the least amount of strife. She goes from being a little timid about getting in the middle of things, to stepping in when she sees/senses the need for it. Why You Love Them:  SHE’S LIKE MY BLACK SHEEP I ACCIDENTALLY NEVER DO ANYTHING WITH HER, BUT I STILL LOVE HER BECAUSE EVEN IF SHE’S LIKE ALL MY GIRLY TROPES ROLLED INTO A CHARACTER, I LOVE HOW UNABASHEDLY HAPPY SHE IS ABOUT BEING A GIRL??? LIKE. YOU GO GIRL. #INSPIRATION.

Sakamoto Chiaki

Full Name: Sakamoto Chiaki-HertzmorderGender and Sexuality: Female, greysexual? //SHRUGSPronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: human/half-celestial, JapaneseBirthplace and Birthdate: we just don’t know but it’s probably in Japan, and I thought it was later in may but maybe I was thinking of ALL THE PEOPLE I KNOW WITH MARCH/MAY BDAYS anyways it’s 5/18 apparently Guilty Pleasures: don’t tell anyone but her husband but she rly likes the soft quiet moments where she actually gets to be vulnerable/not strong, SHE WILL NOT HESITATE TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE IF YOU FIND OUT., also i’m sure there’s something else but that was the only thing to come to mind lolPhobias: Losing, getting killed, being the reason for any harm/death to come to her sisters/familyWhat They Would Be Famous For: The Potion Seller who sells you their strongest potion. am i memeing this right. also for kicking your ass with magic without breaking a sweat What They Would Get Arrested For: setting people/places on fire.OC You Ship Them With: Viktor!! :DOC Most Likely To Murder Them: lol... I’m pretty sure my friend’s OC Raven still has dibs despite them pretty much being extended family/distant relate-mates [both tough, closed off women with happier little sisters and known for being powerful as well, getting worned down by a pair of dashingly handsome vampire brothers.], but it’s more like a case of “You don’t get to die until I say you do. Only *I* am allowed to take your life.” [also a bit of pun, seeing as Raven is her realm’s goddess of death. XD]Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Nonfiction books, mostly spell/information/learning booksLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: any movies but mostly romance and action. and terribly written/”unrealistic” fantasy movies [no one is able to watch their random fantasy series around her because “THAT’S NOT HOW MAGIC WORKS WHAT THE FUCK”]Talents and/or Powers: magical AF. like. literally. High MP pool to cast those big powerful spells down a few times and blast your ass into the next 5 dimensions. Also can read tarot despite it not being a very magical thing. Why Someone Might Love Them: She’s a strong woman who don’t need no man, sarcastic af, she takes no shit.Why Someone Might Hate Them: OP af, closed off/distant even to her own siblings; kinda fucks up raising her kids/connecting with her daughter because of this.How They Change: She learns to open up more and become less imposing/threatening to her own children, especially when it shows much strain in her relationship with her own daughter. While the gap can never truly become completely filled, they have worked together on making a bridge, and as a result, she’s opened up to helping people more, whereas before it was a sort of “obligation” to the greater good. She was also mostly concerned with kicking her dad’s ass for his manipulation of his children and neglect, but while she’s nowhere near saying that she has familial love (or any kind of love for that matter) for her father, she no longer hates and despises him/just barely tolerates him.* Why You Love Them: see “reasons why someone might love them”

*bonus fact: he tries to give the Chiaki-Hertzmorder family branch gifts of goodwill, such as incredibly expensive pottery and vases and shit, and Sakamoto just lets her kids use them as target practice..... LOL. someone broke a vase? As long as it was from your grandfather it’s all good.

Melody (Pokeverse)

Full Name: Melody Ann Anson [nee Hikari]Gender and Sexuality: female, demiro (gr)ace. I think.Pronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: Human, Kanto nativeBirthplace and Birthdate: Saffron City, 11/30/90Guilty Pleasures: buhhhhhhhhh [whirrling noise] going on adventures now that she’s a responsible adulting mom. how do u go on an adventure with two toddlers and a husband that’s a Champion and y’all are pseudo-celebs/recognizeable that is hard ok.Phobias: death, somehow doing something unforgivable, losing everything.What They Would Be Famous For: being the most accomplished trainer ever woops. [okay like. being a Champion and being married to an elite four member slash Champion? and winning a few cups/tournaments here and there? like how much MORE famous/footnote in history can you get]What They Would Get Arrested For: buhbuhbuh breaking and entering in order to free some pokemon that were being illegally kept/treated improperly lolOC You Ship Them With: no one :T [i feel like there ALMOST was one at some point. but I don’t think they were within this realm/history/limitation]OC Most Likely To Murder Them: no one within realm.Favorite Movie/Book Genre: adventure/fantasy books, action/comedies moviesLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: poorly done Kiss of LifeTalents and/or Powers: she’s a really strong/awesome trainer? and she could have been a really Masterful Coordinator in her late teens/early twenties/current age if she had kept interest in them. [Unfortunately, becoming a Pokemon Master > Pokemon Coordinator]. Why Someone Might Love Them: idk she’s just p. neatWhy Someone Might Hate Them: [insert people screaming MARY SUE here despite that getting worked on]How They Change: She starts out as this kind of. Openly willful kid, with a very expressive way about what was right and well (so I guess.. that’s like. 8th grade syndrome or whatever?), but she eventually matures, and in her early twenties she’s just this. Much more calm/reserved/wise-seeming adult who seems to have their life together, though in reality she’s still just trying to figure it out, especially when the itch to adventure isn’t something you can’t just up and do anymore when you’ve got a husband, a home, children, essentially “Settled”. Why You Love Them: she my bae/first gal  

Alt-Melody

Full Name: [redacted]Gender and Sexuality: female-presenting [maybe agender] and i’m not sure if she’s just lesbian or pan.Pronouns: she/her/they/themEthnicity/Species: humanBirthplace and Birthdate: [redacted]Guilty Pleasures: watching her girlfriend/wife?? idk tbh it’s very hard when I never really got into their character much.Phobias: becoming weak, not being able to defend/protect her gf.What They Would Be Famous For: hacking i guess.What They Would Get Arrested For: hacking, lol. and illegal time/realm travelOC You Ship Them With: alt!kiraOC Most Likely To Murder Them: QB, maybe a handful of friend’s OCs.Favorite Movie/Book Genre: tech/instruciton manuals, information booksLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: literally any of them.Talents and/or Powers: I... don’t remember terribly well? I’m not sure if she also has time/realm travel abilities or if she had a device for it. She is more warrior-trained than her alt/original.Why Someone Might Love Them: idk tough quiet person made of stone who loves her frilly gf and that dynamic between the two?Why Someone Might Hate Them: she’s p. plain for an alt.How They Change: idk she marries her gf //THROWS HANDS UP IN THE AIRWhy You Love Them: i don’t have the same affection for her like I did a lot of the other characters, but she did slap some sense into her alt [literally], so bonus points for that. *thumbs up*

Douchebagel

Full Name: idk but he’s referred to in-universe as Mafia Purge and in the past as an Alpha Purge.Gender and Sexuality: he i guess, aropan? i forget. either aropan or aroace.Pronouns: he/him/it/shitballEthnicity/Species: futuristic human thing being now made of timespace ether???Birthplace and Birthdate: one of the many alternate sc5 realms/timelines that was all mafia themed, and he was one of the few to be successful/killed his timeline’s UlalaGuilty Pleasures: everything he does is a guilty pleasure.Phobias: uh. i forget if spiders was a universal alt/purge phobia or not.What They Would Be Famous For: he is literally famous within that rpverse as being the Fallen, the ex-Alpha, for being a piece of shit, and when he and QB meet in timeline, for actually being one of the few people to give QB a run for her money.What They Would Get Arrested For: [LAUGH TRACK]OC You Ship Them With: crackships alpha and qb. separately. tho man now i wonder how the fuck a poly would work with them that would be interesting/hilarious AF.OC Most Likely To Murder Them: QB, Alpha, any of the other alt Purges... they all also HAVE killed him he’s just. beyond normal lifeline/timeline cycles when he originally ascended to Alpha status.Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Crime lol. Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Where the crimelords don’t win like where’s the realism in that.Talents and/or Powers: where do i begin? Spacetime manipulation for one, manipulation of people for another, being insanely uber powerful that only other beings who have ascended to a statehood of Alpha can even come close to harming him, making even QB hesitate. I forget what else but man he’s. he’s... someone you don’t wanna mess with, like actual demigod level here.Why Someone Might Love Them: he literally is scum the only thing he has going for him is being a source of drama and being someone QB would hatefully run from/avoid conflict with.Why Someone Might Hate Them: he is a piece of shit and tortures all his alts without remorse and is essentially the one who ruined alpha’s life, PLEASE GIVE ALPHA HIS HAPPINESS AND CHEERFUL NATURE BACK KTHXHow They Change: he gets more powerful, merges with a demon, comes back as an uber demon. is still unsuccessful.Why You Love Them: LOVE HATE MAN LOVE HATE CAN YOU SEE WHY DO I REALLY NEED TO SPELL IT OUT.

[mild-lunacy]

Pynch Fics (and I)

I just want to say that I realize that sometimes I'm kind of hard on fanfic, and on fandom in general. It's always been my calling card: prioritizing canon over fanon, rejecting everything I ever loved in fandom in a heartbeat if my enjoyment of canon becomes compromised by continued participation, etc. I've been especially hard on Raven Cycle fandom-- and fanon. I guess I feel a bit bad, because there's genuinely so much to appreciate. There's a lot of wonderful fanart, a lot more great fic than you'd expect in a fandom this size, and I've even been inspired to finish writing my own for the first time in ages, 'Ice Supernova'. There's a lot to be thankful for.

I've just been thinking about what a relief and release fanfic is. It's interesting 'cause I've never felt like The Raven Cycle 'needed' fic the way something like Sherlock does. To make it even more meta, BBC Sherlock is itself fic, which goes to show you that no fic can be enough by itself. No fic can 'fix' or replace canon. There's always something. Always something missing. Every fic gives you the limited canon/characterization vision of the author: no more, no less. Often enough, you can't even guarantee that. I certainly wouldn't want people to judge my understanding and vision of the books by that little Pynch skating AU fic. Even if you *are* writing a magnum opus, a lot of times it just doesn't get finished, or gets Jossed, or you're just a different person by the end, so it doesn't feel as satisfying years later. So what I'm saying is, the redemption of fanfic is in its *multiplicity*. No fic, no adaptation, no AU has to really bear the absolute responsibility. It's the gestalt of fic, the fanon that fandom creates-- and I endlessly harp on-- that is the masterpiece.

I love fanfic. I always have, ever since I was introduced to Star Trek at age 13 through the tie-in novels. They were so good, and I loved coming back to the characters over and over, way before I ever watched the show and actually saw them on-screen. I've loved many characters almost entirely or initially because of the fics I've read about them. It's good to remember that. I'm so grateful to the wonderful authors and fellow fans that have let me inhabit a world I love for just a little bit longer. And yes, sometimes it's helped me deal with things that didn't feel like enough, that have felt disappointing. Fic is always there, trying to make things right, all the AUs and all the fix-its and missing scenes and future fics bearing that burden together. And sometimes I get frustrated 'cause I'm so sure canon got it right in the first place, but that's the price one has to pay to see the wrongs righted and the holes filled in my heart.

In The Raven Cycle, I've mostly loved canon AUs and missing scenes. It feels a little wrong to have Adam and Ronan get together earlier than in canon, but many writers made it work. I love fics that take place post-TRK (usually during the first year of college) or pre-epilogue. There's plenty of room for more details and further adventures because canon left the door so open. A lot of writers have been careful and did justice to the characters. I'm happy to share some fics that have been memorable for me, and I hope I'll add to this at some point, too.

So, in no particular order:

We'll Never Be Those Kids Again, by okaynowkiss: and the Missing Scene Award for the TRK climax goes to... This One.

Takes place in the 24 hours after Gansey dies on the side of the road at the end of The Raven King. Ronan's going through a lot and Adam wants to be there for him. Also, everything made in a dream might be in trouble.

Tears and Vines, by adamganseys: and the Missing Scene Award for TDT goes to... This One.

The turn for Monmouth is about to come up when Adam speaks again. “Do you want me to drop you at Monmouth?” There’s a note of reluctance in Adam’s voice, and that’s when he realizes how very much he wants Ronan to come to his apartment with him, how much he needs his comforting presence after what just happened. 

Ronan studies him in that intense way of his before replying, “I’d rather just chill at St. Agnes a bit, if that’s cool with you.”

(Or, my response to the prompt things you said when you were crying, where Ronan comes to Adam's apartment with him after Robert Parrish's trial)

Knights of Caledfwlch, by Incandescentflower: the One with the Fluff, and my Favorite Canon-based Plot

Adam and Ronan adjust to their new relationship and prepare for Adam to go off to college with a lot of adoring thoughts and making out. Also, some magic stuff happens. Gansey asks Adam to find out about the Knights of Caledfwlch and they run into other magic seekers. Adam and Ronan deal with the long distance thing and Adam comes to terms with his own magical abilities. This fic will cover Adam and Ronan's lives for Adam's first year at college.

The Grip of It, by Seek_The_Mist: the One that Works Out the Emotional Consequences

The quest for Glendower ends in an explosion of shattered lives, shattered dreams and shattered realities, leaving five teens in the debris with all the loose ties.

Ronan and Adam barely had something standing during the supernatural madness. It's not straightforward to figure out what they have and how they deal with it outside of it.

Intimacy is everything but trivial.

A. k. a. : Five times intimacy was an awkward and tentative thing + one time it was absolutely glorious.

How Lancelet and Guinevere Slew the Dragon, by scarlett_the_seachild: the One That Integrates Arthurian Mythos to Surprising Effect

Gansey is away in Washington, and Ronan and Adam take this as an opportunity to casually drop by on one another, hold hands, get jealous, fall out, and battle the forces of evil currently threatening Cabeswater.

Set some time post Blue Lily, Lily Blue. Beaucoup de feelings, tension: sexual and otherwise, self-gratification and miscommunication. And Arthurian mythology.

let's get together before we get much older, by raewrites: the One in Which Adam is the Pining Loser (but Ronan is still canon)

Adam doesn’t know what compels him to make an attempt at finally finding out. Does Ronan Lynch have a crush on me? (Do I have a crush on Ronan Lynch?)

Otherwise known at the one where Ronan, Blue, and Noah visit Adam and Gansey at their university for the weekend.

Inside Out, by propertyofthehalfbloodprince: the One with the Cute Coming Out Scene (but then there’s couch sex)

“Ronan-” “Adam.” Rough and rocky and soft. When Ronan said Adam he meant Adam. “How can you even-” Ronan’s palms came up to cradle his face. “Adam.”

In a Dream It Seemed So Real, by beersforqueers: the One with Kavinsky (but he doesn’t matter)

Adam didn't want to see them together, but that doesn't mean he won't have to deal with the consequences. Especially when the consequences are an angry Ronan Lynch and two teenage boys doing their best not to confront their feelings.

Kavinsky isn't helping.

Wonderterror Weekend, by nimmieamee: the One Where Ronan Has Magic Boots

Adam Parrish gets Saturday off and spends the day falling in love with Ronan Lynch.

He also spends it fighting monsters, visiting Europe, and traumatizing people. But falling in love with Ronan Lynch is the part he chooses.

Just to Be Quiet, by sksai: the One Where they’re Essentially Soul-Mates 

an AU loosely based off the concept of the book Unspoken by Sarah Rees Brennan. or, an excuse for Ronan and Adam to have a heart-wrenching psychic bond.

Steady All the Hands, by sksai: the One Where Adam’s a Hooker (and it’s the Cutest Thing Ever)

Ronan makes a series of questionable choices. Adam is just Trying His Best. There is a child - a small one. The gang's all here.

To Feel Your Heartlines, by renlybaratheon: the One where Adam’s a 30-something Woman (but it works)

People in Adam Parrish's life keep getting married all around him, and Adam is not a fan of weddings, a constant reminder of being unlucky in love and his personal decision to focus on his career. But at one wedding, Adam meets the funny and charming Ronan Lynch and starts to think maybe that decision could use some revision, and that his luck has changed.

Reunions series, by LydiaStJames: the One with the Misunderstandings

Adam patted down his body, fingers searching for clothes, but came up empty. Again. 

It really was high school all over again.

Not at All Casual series, by pendules: the One About Touching

The first time Ronan leans over and kisses him when he drops him off at St. Agnes after his late shift, Adam just stares at him wordlessly for a moment before he manages to find his voice and utter an awkward "Thanks" and fumbles to open the door and practically bolts up the stairs to his apartment. It takes a long while to school his heartbeat back to a moderately normal rate and to make his brain actually begin to absorb the line he's been reading over and over for the last fifteen minutes.

Or: Adam and Ronan slowly learn about casual affection that isn't casual at all.

Flames Burned in Our Hearts, by littlelionvanz: the One that Plays with Adam’s Virginity

When he and Ronan started, no one came out of the bushes to hand Adam a pamphlet on what it exactly meant to be in a sexual relationship with another boy. The dos-and-don’ts if you will.

Adam Parrish and the Scientific Method, by poorchoices: the One that Plays with Adam’s Quest to Lose His Virginity (both cute and realistic)

Adam explores his budding sexuality. Post-TRK.

Hold On to Me As We Go, by basicallymonsters: The One that Should Be Canon

It’s like they’re enjoying some fantastic beginners luck, but they don’t actually know how the game is played...

Revised relationships come from the settling dust of unmaking, and Ronan and Adam try to find a balance between grief and joy, love and sex, friendship and occasional hand kissing. They navigate first times and promises and a feeling like magic - even when they're forest-less and wide awake. (Pre-epilogue)

Bonus Porn:

The One Who Makes You Come Undone, by anirondack: Ronan likes Adam's hands and Adam has an idea.

Fight the Wind & Wait for You, by hewhomustnotbejames: Adam's back in town for his 21st birthday.

say my name and i'll lie in the sound, by oftirnanog: Or the first time Ronan and Adam have anal sex. That's it. It's just smut. Fluff and smut and awkward boys with awkward feelings.

[asfeedin]

Friday Finds & Reader Recommendations – 04-24-2020

Good morning and HAPPY FRIDAY!!! I hope we all have a cozy and wonderful weekend loaded in reading some seriously great books!! Speaking of which…

I’m already almost finished a book I just started a day ago and I LOVE IT!!!!! HOLY. MOLY. It’s the first part of a duet and the next one is coming out in a couple of weeks and I’m so relieved because I know the end of this one will make me crazy. LOL!!! I think I may have just found a new favorite author, and my review will be up this weekend.

In the meantime…

TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT WE FOUND FOR THE WEEKEND  !!

STILL ON ➔➔➔ TWO MONTHS FREE KINDLE UNLIMITED DEAL!!! <— If you haven’t tried it yet, now’s your chance. WE ARE LOVING IT! And it’s still going on through the end of April!

And…

So, That Got Weird by Amelia Kingston <—THE AWKWARD GIRL & THE JOCK ALERT!! Ashley loved it so much that she read it again! “…As the reigning campus sex god, he has the playboy act down pat. But underneath those six-pack abs beats a broken heart. He doesn’t trust people and he sure as hell doesn’t believe in love. The odd couple strike a deal. Four weeks of & “tutoring” for five thousand dollars…”

I reread ‘So, That Got Weird’ by Amelia Kingston and that was a fun time – it has the same vibe as Elle Kennedy or Maya Hughes’ books (which I’m a huge fan of).

Third Life by Noelle Adams <—LIVE!! AGE GAP OLDER MAN/YOUNGER WOMAN ALERT!! She only knows his first name but… “...he keeps asking me to meet him all over the world, and I keep saying yes. …I don’t know anything about him except his first name. That’s the way he likes it. He’s too old for me, and he’s hiding secrets, but I’m not going to be able to keep my heart out of it for long…“

Detained by Ainslie Paton <— MONY LOVED THIS ONE!

Mony: I finished Detained by Ainslie Paton, Aussie author. Really loved it!

First chapters – Mystery Guy & female reporter stuck in a Shanghai airport detention room – clever & hot. Characters “real”, dialogue tight – kind of book I like. Also, story unusual & set in China & AUS. Bit too long at end but I wanted to read it in one shot. Love finding books that punch their weight above their GR rating.

This was one of Ann’s “personal 5-star lose all track of time and reality books.”

Master of Salt & Bones by Keri Lake <— LIVE!!! DARK ROMANCE ALERT!!! P.S. I love this author!! “…When I was a little girl, I dreamed a handsome knight would come and rescue me from my wretched mother. He’d ride up on his white steed and break the curse I’ve been fated to carry since the day I was born. Funny how things changed over time. How the fairy tale twisted into something far more crooked, darker than I ever imagined. In reality, my knight is scarred and broken, living alone in a castle of bones that overlooks the sea. He isn’t searching for me. He never was. Lucian Blackthorne is as cursed as I am, and equally shunned by the locals…”

Killian by Ryan Michele <— LIVE!!!

Kitty Valentine Dates a Billionaire by Jillian Dodd <— LIVE!!! JILLIAN DODD ALERT!!

Falling North: A Turner Artist Rocker Novel (The Turner Artist Rocker Series Book 2) by Alyson Santos <— LIVE!!

The Devil in Apartment 13 by Tiana Laveen <— MODERN-DAY URBAN GENIE/JINN IS HER NEW NEIGHBOR… and he wants to make her his mate! “…Vivian Carver believes her name is synonymous with bad luck. She’s a bartender living smack dab in the middle of NYC and has had it up to here with entitled tourists, an annoying roommate and just barely surviving. She’s forced to move into a cheaper apartment, and with it comes a seedy landlord, drippy faucets and a peculiar stranger in apartment 13.  Shahzad has pulled all the stops to get to know Ms. Vivian Carver, someone who in no shape, form or fashion understands her full potential…”

Beauty and the Rose: a Dark Romance by Stasia Black & Lee Savino <— LIVE!! TRILOGY CONCLUSION ALERT!!

Don’t Love Me (My Secret Boyfriend Book 1) by S. Doyle <— HE TOLD HER NOT TO… “…The state took me away from my mother when was I twelve and sent me to live with an uncle, who worked on some fancy estate.  That’s when I met Ash, she was ten and the daughter of the man who owned the estate. She thought I would be her new best friend but I only wanted to be left alone. For years she was always there, always annoying me, always wanting more from me. But our roles were clear. She was the princess and I was the chauffeur’s charity case.  I told her not to fall in love with me…she didn’t listen…”

Dark Protectors Bundle: 3 Stories by Rebecca Zanetti by Rebecca Zanetti <— REBECCA ZANETTI BOOK BUNDLE BARGAIN ALERT! “…From New York Times bestselling author, Rebecca Zanetti, comes three stories in her Dark Protectors-Reese Family series… **Every 1001 Dark Nights novella is a standalone story. For new readers, it’s an introduction to an author’s world. And for fans, it’s a bonus book in the author’s series. We hope you’ll enjoy each one as much as we do.**

The Danger You Know by Lily White <— LILY WHITE’S LATEST DARK READ ALERT!! HE’S HER STALKER…“…I pursue her despite the wedding bells that rang for another, only I can see how she is drowning beneath mediocrity. How many times must I remind her? It can’t matter that I am the person who ruined her life. The man who killed her father. The constant shadow that watches her sleep. The lover who prefers dirty alleyways to freshly laundered sheets. She’s mine. Always has been…”

Michaela: Read this today and loved it! 

Michele: I LOVE Lily and Dark reads are still my favorite!!  thank you!!!

Tori: I’ve been binge-reading some Lily White lately! Omgah! Just finished The Vanity of Roses and started Wishing Well last night! I guess this one will be next. Seriously, one of my new favorite authors! ♡♡♡

The Prince and the Pawn (When Rivals Play Book 4) by B.B. Reid <— SERIES FINALE!!! BULLY BOOK ALERT! “...They were wrong for each other from the start. The jock and the nerd, what a cliché they made. He was the town prince, and she was a nobody. Tyra Bradley was invisible. That is until she told him he needed some manners, and so began their game of cat and mouse...”

Everything Girl by Emily Mayer <— MONY LOVED IT!! And was her message to the author about it (and the author replied).

Mony: Hi Emily,

Loved loved loved your book. Well written, quirky characters, and great book boyfriend…loved the Montana setting. Good job pacing the slow burn between Jack and Evelyn. A gem.

Hoping you’re thinking about writing a sequel about Ben. Fantastic character – came alive with his wit, charm and “manwhore struggles.” Just begging to be written! What do you think? Thanks!

Emily (the author): …I took a detour for book #2, but I am spending my quarantine with Ben! I couldn’t agree with you more. He definitely needed his own story. I am already a little bit in love with his story and can’t wait to share it with you!

To another reader: “still hoping for a May release date” ..

Jan: New Lucy Score coming out in a couple of days: By A Thread: A Grumpy Boss romcom. I like the grumpy boss trope.

Mony: I didn’t see that By A Thread was about a grumpy boss…one of my favourite tropes as well…

HEY SWEET TEA (The Way To A Man’s Heart Book 8) by Frankie Love <— LIVE!!

Don’t Go Stealing My Heart by Kelly Siskind <— LIVE!!

The Girl and the Stars (The Book of the Ice 1) by Mark Lawrence <— LIVE FANTASY ROMANCE ALERT!!!!! GORGEOUS COVER & TITLE!! “…To resist the cold, to endure the months of night when even the air itself begins to freeze, requires a special breed. Variation is dangerous, difference is fatal. And Yaz is not the same.   Yaz’s difference tears her from the only life she’s ever known, away from her family, from the boy she thought she would spend her days with, and has to carve out a new path for herself in a world whose existence she never suspected...”

Pretty Things by Janelle Brown <— RECENT PSYCH-THRILLER RELEASE AND GUESS WHAT????

Nay: For anyone who likes book adaptations, I just saw Maryse’s FB post about Pretty Things by Janelle Brown, and when I went to add it to my tbr on GR, I saw that one of my friends had posted that Nicole Kidman is going to produce and star in the book’s adaptation as a streaming Amazon series.

Maryse: OOOOOH YAY!!!! I love that!! Though I’m going to read it first.  Thank you for that news, Nay!

Michele: Just finished Fixed on You series…..GREAT, love, mystery, heartbreak and well the end……it was the best bargain….

Cheryl: Hudson is a hot alpha guy who says right off the bat that he is incapable of love and combined with Alayna’s obsessive “love’ disorder, you just know a train wreck is coming.

Krisztina: I just finished the Fixed trilogy by Laurelin Paige. Hudson (the whole story from his point of view). I have to say that I was reading the 2nd half of Forever With You with tears in my eyes … now I am obsessed with Hudson Pierce 

A Kiss to Tell by W. Winters <— SUPER-BARGAIN ALERT! HE WAS BAD NEWS & SHE WAS THE GIRL THAT DIDN’T BELONG… “...From the first time I saw him, Sebastian had a hard stare that pinned me in place. And years later, it hasn’t softened. We lived on the same street and went to the same school, although he was a year ahead.  Even so close, he was untouchable. He was bad news and I was the sad girl who didn’t belong. One night changed everything...”

AUDIOBOOK LVERS!

Not a member of Audible yet? Get a free 30 day audible trial (which includes 1 free audiobook + 2 audible originals)

AND! Audiobook Matchmaker!! <— Find out which of YOUR Kindle books are available as audiobooks at a BARGAIN-PRICE! This is how it works. Click on that link & Amazon will show you all of your Kindle books that are also available as an audiobook at a seriously discounted price. This way, you can switch back and forth, seamlessly between your ebooks and your audiobooks. VERY COOL!

➔➔ Audible now has an “Escape” package membership (30 day free trial) – used to be called the “Romance” package <— this one is SO cool, and worth it (unlimited listening for all of the audiobooks in the program, and there are tons – kind of like Kindle Unlimited)!!

and…

Little Secrets by Jennifer Hillier <— RECENT PSYCH-THRILLER RELEASE THAT I’m DYING TO READ!!

Shirley: I’m listening to Little Secrets. I’m at 20% and so far, so good!! I think you would really like this one Maryse!

Maryse: YESSSS!! I know I would. Totally my thing…

  The Hardest Fall by Ella Maise <— Ashley loved it so much she listened to it again!

Ashley: Okay, I re-listened to ‘The Hardest Fall’ by Ella Maise. Love it. My favorite part is where her horde of peanut butter m&m’s is discovered and her reasoning for it is one of the most relatable reasons ever.

Shooter by Dahlia West <— Ashley loved it so much she listened to it again!

And I’m also re-listening to ‘Shooter’ by Dahlia West….which makes me want to revisit ‘Preacher’ by Dahlia West.

PREORDERS (going live soon!!! )

➔➔➔  Get Maryse’s Book Blog updates delivered by email (you’ll get one daily email that will have each post from that day consolidated on it).

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Tags: 04242020, Finds, Friday, Reader, RECOMMENDATIONS

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[paulsolorzano]

11.15.18

I’ve been sticking to the ketogenic diet nicely. I believe I’m down 19 lbs today after a month or so if doing it.

I’ll have to start integrating in some exercise.

I’ve even been able to combat the munchies by making adjustments to what I eat. Mostly pistachios. But I gotta cool it on them too because I think they’re screwing with my bowels when I eat too many and get up in the morning.

—-

I stare at the Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. I get this shit every day currently. No sugar, cream only. I swirl it like wine; watch the white cream mix itself with the brown. Ice cubes clanking against each other and the plastic cup.

I consider reducing my carbon footprint. How though? I imagine getting containers with the same dimensions as my favorite foods/drinks: the coffee stuff, chipotle bowls, metal straws.

I’ll add it to the list.  

—-

Drank an assload of wine with my boy Mac from work. We are going for our level one sommelier in December. Long story short we were supposed to work a party,  but we ended up getting cut and hanging at work and drinking wine instead.

Listening to:

Bomb the music industry! - Adults!!!

Bomb the music industry! - goodbye cool world

Jeff Rosenstock - worry.

Tofubeats - first album

Flamingosis - pleasure palette

Lifted bells - minor tantrums

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

Wheat grass juice powder

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

Dunkin’ Donuts coffee

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I don’t wanna go outside because I might have a terrible day and get sent home” - Bomb the music industry!

“If I do nothing, will anything happen?” - lifted bells

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.14.18

I smoked so much out of the oil pen last night after getting out of work. From the parking garage all the way to the house. Tina was already smoking and drinking shit red wine from Walgreens. Yellowtail merlot. Tina is the lady I live with for the moment since getting back to Orlando.

—

I met with Frank yesterday. It was good. We hung at the house for a while; I spoke to his wife Jess for a while also. They have a dog named Microchip. Hes like 15 years old. Little scraggly looking thing. Hes on his way out: can’t see, can’t hear, shits himself, back legs barely work. Frank and his wife were debating on weather to put him down. He’s ok with it, Jess doesn’t want to. Time is probably going to take care of the decision for them.

So Frank and I left and went to our old Starbucks haunt up the road from him. The Starbucks right there boy the chipotle on Colonial. We chatted about music and listened to some old shit of mine: Brightline Spectrum (I was in this band with my boys Earl Hoback and Adam Heidrick. We ran through a string of bass players until we got Frank on board); also, a band called Gift to the Greedy, which we can appreciate now as older adults.

Frank and I don’t meet too often, but that is going to change. We are what I would call musical soulmates, in the sense of we probably are the most adaptable and accepting of new and different genres of any music. We’ve always been fans of the cream of the crop across all the genres.

The short stories here are:

I want to become Frank’s protege: I want to get caught up on his production techniques, and start making my own music again.

Frank wants me to become his manager of sorts. Just to facilitate shows etc; his sticking point is the marketing side of things so Im gonna come in and start attempting to handle some of that.

—

I still need to write about:

•           Time in Bradenton with Danielito and the rest of my family

•           Mother had a heart attack

•           Rachel getting a divorce

•           Back to Orlando

•           Back to STK

•           Living with Tina Watkins

•           Becoming awesome

•           Getting healthy after the summer of slop

•           Three weeks of weed and YouTube poops

Listening to:

Neon Indian - psychic chasms

Crystal Castles - III

Sir mix a lot - Swass

Sir mix a lot - Seminar

Serengeti - Kaleidoscope

Serengeti - Kenny Dennis ep

Tomggg - Art Nature

in the blue shirt - Sensation of Blueness

Lazycain - July to October

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

Wheat grass juice powder

Dunkin’ Donuts coffee

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“You once had a dream but your grandma stole it” Sir Mixalot

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.13.18

(I meant to write all this last night but smoked too much so here it is)

So we all aired our grievances ( mostly Tttt and Aaaaaaaaa) and had a drink. I had some johnnie walker black label, as I’ve been on a whiskey kick lately, mostly due to the keto diet.

So then we all leave the bar around 1:30 and head to the parking garage. Tttt has her husband on the phone who has been waiting for her, so she’s occupied, and goes her separate way as we walk to the Orange garage (Disney Springs has lots named after fruit haha orange, lime , strawberry)

Aaaaaaa and I go to her car on level one; she drives me over to where my car is on the other side of level one. We get to chatting in her car.

Mostly about her likely soon to be ex xcvbnm. I’m not saying I’m waiting to swoop in but I’m kind of waiting to swoop in.

For some reason about a week ago, I just felt compelled to walk up to her and start talking. It felt pretty natural. So I went with it and suggested we should do something in the future. And we got on the topic of her doing art etc. So she’s crafty like that also, which is a bonus because I had no idea.

Anyway, we chatted in her car for probably over an hour. Mostly her getting the bf troubles off her chest. I feel like she has no one to talk to on these matters so I just let her go off.

I know I’m treading the line of being the ‘gay friend’ shoulder to cry on. But I continue to make it know that my involvement is romantic in intention. And she’s down from what I can tell.

Her sticking point is that she has been drawn in to this narcissists web of gaslighting and the like. He breaks her down and then continually reels her back in. They’ve already broken up once and had mini break ups also.

—-

Met with Frank today.

Listening to:

Tokyo Elvis

Lifted bells

There / They’re / There

Owen

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Went a little nuts o there polyvinyl site with some sale shit

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.12.18

Continuing wine studies for the level one class / exam coming up December 7-8. I gotta lock in my spot and pay the $600. Semi pricey but def worth the investment. It’ll look good at STK and also on the resume if and when the time comes.

—-

1:30 or so am. Aaaaaaaaa, the girl from work I’ve been chatting with, we finally made it out after work for a drink. We went to raglan road, which is right next to STK. Another girl Ttttttttttt (who I also work with and, is a rat in Chinese zodiac, same as my brother)  came along as well, as she had a bad night at work behind the bar.

—-

Listening to:

Foo Fighters - there is nothing left to lose

Bit Brigade - Castlebandia

Bit Brigade - Contra

Misfits - collection

Piebald - nobody’s robot

Van Cliburn - Beethoven pathetique  

Noname- telefone

Galant - ology

Watching:

Reading:

CMS introductory wine course book pdf. This is for the sommelier level one exam

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

Wheat grass juice powder

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

DD coffee cream only

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Can’t you hear my motored heart? You’re the one who started it” - Foo Fighters

“What good is a sword, next to a shotgun?” - Galant

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.11.18

Sundays off at the abortion clinic. I drive by this thing every day; it’s right by the house. Always like one person out there with a sign.

Smoking in your vehicle

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

Sufjan Stevens - Planetarium

Tokyo Elvis - nice and pleasant

Bit brigade - Zelda

Bit brigade - Metroid

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Skipped the

Playing:

Purchases:

Basquiat art book

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.10.18

More wine studies. Gonna get Mac on board with a study session with Lionel.

Interested in a BMW 5 series on sale at a lot where Yaqeen’s boy works.  I need to get a car. This rental is costing me $800 a month.

Listening to:

Carl Cox - all roads lead to the dance floor

Nine inch nails - broken

Misfits - walk among us

Anal Trump - the first 100 songs

Anal Cunt - everyone should be killed

Grimes - art angels

Jeff Rosenstock - worry

Jeff Rosenstock - POST

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

Watching:

YouTube -

where are the best place to grow wine

Carbonic maceration

Wine on the lees

Reading:

Eating:

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

Apple cider vinegar shot

Wheat grass juice powder

Dunkin’ Donuts coffee

Chipotle bowl: no beans, no rice, double meat, sauteed onions/peppers, hot salsa, sour cream, guacamole, lettuce

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Resin bootlegs

Lyric of the day:

“Kiss me hard like a garbage movie” - Jeff Rosenstock

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.09.18

About three days ago I started talking to this girl Aaaaaaaaa from work

She started there when I was In Alaska.

So we got to chatting at work and I learned a little about her: 36 and divorced finally, 17 year old daughter, and apparently she can’t hang on to a man (according to her), and self proclaimed low self esteem. But the last three days we’ve gotten a little close at work and want to make plans.  

Shes seems cool, she has some ‘on again off again’ guy in her life but she said she hasnt heard much from him the last few weeks. Although I just hit her up now after she got out of work, and she said he may come over or something to see her.

All that bullshit aside, I think she may not be too too emotionally invested at this point, but maybe hanging on for some last scrap of whatever, hopefully closure. I mean I don’t mind seeing her while shes still invovoled with someone,  but if he continues on his trend of not showing her off publicly etc (this is according to her, which was a point of contention for her of course), the situation is gonna sort itself out.

Im going to press on either way. Not wait in the wings, but try to get her out of course. And always escalate with male/female intent. She knows im interested that way so its all good.

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - POST

Jeff Rosenstock - We cool?

NOFX - wolves in wolves clothing

NOFX - Ribbed, Live in a Dive

Ben Folds - So there

Me first and the gimme gimmes - are we not men? We are diva!

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

Wheat grass juice powder drink

Dunkin’ Donuts coffee cream no sugar

Chipotle bowl: no beans, no rice, double meat, sauteed onions/peppers, hiot salsa, sour cream, guacamole, lettuce

Pollo tropical - these mofos had no fucking curry mustard and it chaps me

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“You taught me nothing; I owe you nothing. How can I forget you when there’s nothing to forget?” - So there by Ben Folds

“You’re gonna die in someone else arms, and I have to live with that. I hope you have a good life” - Armor for Sleep

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.08.18

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Sufjan Stevens - lonely man of winter 7 inch preorder

Rozwell Kid - Precious Art (Purple/Orange Vinyl)

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - POST , worry , we cool?

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.07.18

Guy and his girlfriend came to their storage space, gave me a little acknowledgment. He had her pull him on the dolly thing, like he was surfing. I’ve done that a million times here.

Listening to:

Paul’s radio station on Apple Music

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Jermaine Rodgers Choices preorder

Beatles white album reissue preorder

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Two become one; a cacophony of a car crash” - minus the bear

“I miss you less and less every day; it’s true the whisky helps to wash you away” - Margot and the nuclear so and so’s

“Nicotine Valium Vicodin marijuana ecstasy and alcohol... ccccccccocaine!” - queens of the Stone Age

By fishbone:

“Unyielding conditioning
Tune out from all that's happening
Nobody deserves empathy
Nobody feels for me

We've all been trained by our worlds

I cannot see no one but me
No one can feel my emptiness
Everybody must fend for themselves
There is no openness

We've all been claimed by our worlds [x2]

But I have heard of ways
That say there's light beyond the darkness
And everyone can keep their children warm
And togetherness will guide us safely
Through all storms

Unyielding conditioning
Remove all trace of memory
No one needs justice anymore
No voices raised in anger

We've all been tamed by our worlds [x2]

But I have heard of ways
Where people topple all injustice
No one lives their lives on bended knees
And all bigotry is like a disease
Drowned in the sea
And all can hold their head up high!”

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.06.18

Storage space days. Food and wine studies, trimming down the shit in the space and consolidating. Attempting to keep forward momentum and grind the business as I can.  

Listening to:

Millencolin - For Monkeys

Millencolin - Pennybridge Pioneers

Deadmau5 - For lack of a better title

S/s/s (Sisyphus) - beak and claw

Watching:

Reading:

Karen MacNeil’s Wine bible

Kevin Zraly’s windows on the world wine book

Eating:

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink

Apple cider vinegar shot

Wheat grass juice powder

Dunkin’ Donuts coffee no sugar cream only

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

“Its not about the resources you have but how resourceful you are”

8 ball questions and answers

“Is Xxxxxx doing ok?”

“Outlook not so good”

Hashtags:

11.05.18

Ive been watching wine and champagne videos lately. Just been trying to step up my game at Stk. also considering going for my level 1 in sommelier. Its a huge undertaking but the benefits and the street cred would be worth it I believe.

I have to get better. At everything in life. The last couple weeks I have been stepping things up at work. Getting in that groove of talking about the gig every day.

I need to get a vehicle. Ive been renting a new car from Enterprise for $200 a week. Putting that shit on credit. Been putting a lot on credit since returning to FL. But no worries. The STK will provide. Just taking these baby steps.

—

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - Worry

Jeff Rosenstock - We Cool?

Paul Solorzano radio station

Braid - movie music vol. 1

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot, Kale/spinach/lemon juice/stevia drink, wheat grass juice powder

Coffee from dunkin donuts

Bacon

Chipotle bowl: no beans, no rice, double meat, sauteed onions/peppers, hiot salsa, sour cream, guacamole, lettuce

Playing:

havent been on FFXIV  since I got back to Orlando

Purchases:

Mineral - 25 years of mineral book/10” record with new songs

Super 7 Misfits 3.75 figs

Goodwill finds:

Star Wars power of the force, Han Solo figure, carded and sealed, Slightly damaged card slightly damaged bubble package.

Random comic book assortment, Image comics with cool covers, vintage ‘death of Superman’ era comics:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“What I don’t know Is how I could be so incredibly stupid” - Duncan Sheik

“I gotta let you know while you’re alive

Cause everybody loves you when you die”

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.03.18

I got YouTube premium there other day. Don’t know if I mentioned that.

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - Worry

Smashing pumpkins - cherub rock

Watching:

Food / wine / champagne pairing YouTube vids

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot , Kale/spinach/lemon juice/stevia drink , wheat grass juice powder

coffee from dunkin donuts

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.02.18

Working on soliciting places for the business. I think one of my niches will be wine companies because I’m on a wine kick now, and working with these places will help me on my wine studies.

Listening to:

Watching:

YouTube:

Veuve vids

champagne vids

food pairing vids

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot

Kale/spinach/lemon juice/stevia drink

Wheat grass juice powder (day one with this)

Dunkin Donuts coffee, no sugar, cream only  

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

11.01.18

Ive been trying to wake up a little earlier lately.

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

10.31.18

My first business related phone call! My boy Darren from STK became the GM over at Tasting Room Orlando.

I sent him an audit a few days ago of where they were at with their social media and what we could do immediately to get things moving, along with a few ideas for down the road shit. He's gonna bring it to the investors and get back to me. Either way I'm stoked.

—

Look up year of the comet vintage 1811

Listening to:

Benton Falls

Watching:

Social media marketing program: outsourcing

YouTube: wine studies, Santa Barbara coast

Veuve Clicquot vids

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Nothing makes me happy; I’m like a shitty child” - Jeff Rosenstock

Quote of the day:

“I know our champagne will shine above heaven” - Nicole Clicquot

“We always have to prove we deserve our name and rank” - Nicole Clicquot

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

10.30.18

More storage space cleaning

Started an Instagram for my storage space to sell shit: Instagram.com/paulsstoragespace

Listening to:

Madvillian

Fourtet

I fight dragons

J Dilla

Brandtson

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Credit buys you everything except love” - Benton Falls

“Slip like Freudian; the first and last step to play yourself like accordion” - Madvillain

Quote of the day:

“If drunk you thinks sleeping with someone is a good idea, then sober you is just you lying to yourself” - me

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

10.29.18

Had a great work night at STK. I saw a little results from my Orin Swift wine studies. Sold a bottle of Abstract to my table, and also sold one to my boy Luis’ table; the was in my neighboring section.

It’s inspiring to see some result in sales. That’s my goal lately is to get good at sales because we sell ourselves every day. So I’ve been boning up a little. I’m also considering studying for my level one sommelier. My boy Mac I work with is interested in it also.

Listening to:

Tokyo Elvis

Watching:

Judge Judy ytp my brother just sent along haha

Mentorbox: five things to do to hook prospects

Reading:

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

Healeymade quackulas

Larry David curb your enthusiasm bootleg fig from Killer Bootlegs

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

10.27.18

At chipotle. Modifying burrito bowls to conform to my ketogenic diet. I’m  down ten lbs thus far. It’s been a couple weeks soon.

Had sex with a girl last night. She likes me. I’m just emotionally not there.

Today is oct 27. A red letter day in my life. It’s chronicled right here:

http://thekittycatandtheconman.tumblr.com

My love letter of a novella written to and about Zzzzzz Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzz, also known as The First Zzzzzz.

Listening to:

Ozma

The rentals

Feadz

Mr. Oizo

Handbraekes

Roswell Kid

Antarctigo Vespucci

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot,

Kale/spinach/lemon juice/stevia drink

Chipotle bowl: double meat, sautéed onions/peppers, hot salsa, sour cream, cheese, guacamole, lettuce

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“I breathe your name, and suddenly I feel happy again” - Ozma

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

“Is Xxxxxx ok?”

“Don’t count on it”

“Should I attempt to contact her?”

“My sources say no”

It ain’t time yet.

Hashtags:

#thekittycatandtheconman

10.26.18

I saw Piebald in Tampa last night with Danielito who came up from bradenton. They played all the hits. I got the two shirts they were selling. Ah, merch. Definitely falls under the umbrella of ‘stuff lust’

I still need to write about:

•           Time in Bradenton with Danielito and the rest of my family

•           Mother had a heart attack

•           Rachel getting a divorce

•           Back to Orlando

•           Back to STK

•           Living with Tina Watkins

•           Becoming awesome

•           Getting healthy after the summer of slop

•           Three weeks of weed and YouTube poops

Listening to:

Watching:

Orin Swift wine vids on YouTube

Will wink and the chalk factory ytp

Reading:

Eating:

apple cider vinegar shot, kale/spinach drink

Scrambled eggs w/ heavy cream , sliced turkey , creamy cheese spread with chive flavor,

Playing:

Purchases:

Dr bergs wheat grass juice powder (I used to use this stuff daily before Alaska, along with the kale drink and apple cider vinegar)

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Trying to not find your plans; like combing a beach with more sand” - Fat and Skinny Asses by Piebald  

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:

#Piebald #ytp #drberg #drericberg

10.25.18

I suppose I’ll get back into the journaling now. Much has happened even since Alaska:

•           Time in Bradenton with Danielito and the rest of my family

•           Mother had a heart attack

•           Rachel getting a divorce

•           Back to Orlando

•           Back to STK

•           Living with Tina Watkins

•           Becoming awesome

•           Getting healthy after the summer of slop

Listening to:

#Sufjan

#Serengeti

#Piebald

Watching:

Reading:

Eating:

Kale/spinach drink

Eggs with heavy cream

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received:

eBay obsessions:

Lyric of the day:

“Oh life, with your colorful surprises” - Sufjan  

Quote of the day:

8 ball questions and answers

Hashtags:s