#Also anyone who was posting weird images and text (we know what im talking about) i hope you get hit by a truck

[st4rstudent]

Ok the fandom wiki is back to normal as of earlier, so if you accidentally stumble upon it, it'll be fine.

However please make sure to keep using the New and Improved Wiki, which is not only easier to navigate and is more pleasant, but also the new preferred wiki. (Not only to mention the various issues that Fandom wiki has). Bookmark it or something if you need to.

As future reference, it should be noted that vandalism on the fandom wiki will not help take the wiki down due to fandom's policy, despite previous otherwise thoughts (myself included) and the continuous vandalism only brings traction to it. As well as, mentioning the new wiki will have the possibility to demote and ban the current mods of the fandom wiki.

As silly as the entire thing was, please make sure to use the new wiki and refrain from going back to the old one. Especially since last night made the fandom wiki get a lot of traction.

As a reminder, here are some extensions you can use to help avoid using the fandom wiki: 1 (redirector) 2 (wiki.gg redirector) 3 (wiki indie buddy)

and here's the reddit post about it

[lucabyte]

any thoughts about postcanon loop and mira relationship? i dont think i saw much about it in text posts but it looks like you might have something. bats eyelashes

okay i have rambled about this in a few places in mostly privately and in the tags of my own posts and self-reblogs but. grabs your shoulders. can you fucking imagine how funny loop would be as mira's beard. hear me out.

like. i'm already here for isiloops. im also already here for miraloop and mirasif qpr. im also here for miraisa qpr. im also not a coward who thinks odile should be excluded from this but thats besides the point. what im saying is that the whole things a fucking polycule and there's yet still ways this could be made way, way funnier.

So. It's obvious that Loop's theatrics are more than a bit of a facade. (They drop them when taken off-guard or in serious moments with Siffrin, and Isabeau remarks on them seeming 'shy' at the end)

But we also know that they aren't *that* much of a facade due to their speech patterns being directly reflected in act 4-5 sif's inner monologue. It's clear that Loop's regular goofy bullshit is just the manic end of Sif's emotional state unfiltered and externalised, presumably because they went fucking insane.

So while I imagine they'd probably be slightly more toned down with the party in postcanon, I don't imagine the bonus confidence that comes with Constantly Performing like that would just like... go away? Plus, new identity means you've got no expectations to be held against so... I think it would make sense for them to keep up the theatrics, the bitchiness, the change in humour from dumb puns to sharp and cruel wit.

So the idea of them proposing to Mirabelle that they could just, *pretend* to be dating isn't out of scope, to me. In a situation where she's perhaps fretting about keeping up appearences as an ever-changing housemaiden, or has heard through the grape vine that someone is going to try and make a move on her at a formal gathering, I think Loop offering to theatrically play up being her partner 'as a joke', so that they can offer her support and comfort while still under that arm's-length plausible deniability, sidestepping the emotional vulnerability of 'feelings buddies'.

(Remember, after all, that Act 6 Mirabelle's 'no spoilers' policy means she only got Act 5 Sif's fucked up little talk? There's genuine question as to how long it could take her to unpack things again after that. She probably still feels that social pressure even in a scenario where she has something again to the regular friendquest talk again, anyway...)

It lets them be 'in on a joke' together, and also gives Loop an excuse to hold hands with their friends that doesn't require they be honest about things. ("Well there's the thing, Housemaiden! I've no mouth to kiss, so we don't even have to do gross things like that to keep up appearences!") And thus gives Loop a niche in the party to slot into that otherwise probably wouldn't be filled by anyone.

And would anybody question it? The chosen saviour of the country has a weird little ethereal freak on their arm. That sounds about right for a magical saviour, and means there's really no need for any explanation for why they seemingly only showed up after The King's defeat. They're clearly Mirabelle's spirit guide, or something.

. anyway as with all things loop feel free to place this after everyone knows who they are for this to become a "relatively normal thing that can happen",

or you can place it before everyone knows who they are for the added twist-of-the-knife that is "guilt over keeping secrets" and "a really awkward and potentially upsetting recontextualisation later on"

also in case you havent seen . images related -> (x) (x)

[vocalsynthbdays]

im sorry for posting this so late, but happy late birthday to cyber songman(vocaloid 4), Bones(alter/ego), Magpie Batty(utau), and XELTA(utau) !!!!!! [oct 31]

cyman

bones

magpie

xelta (jp design)

cyber songman (aka cyan or cyman) is an english synth developed by yamaha, and released in 2016. his vp has not been revealed, and seemingly neither has the photographer nor model of his image. cyman's v5 released on 12 jul 2018, ands called "Cyber Songman II". hes available on the mobile vocaloid editor and vocaloid neo.

Bones is an english and japanese synth, developed and voiced by Tora-Ouji/ NEUTROGIC, and released in 2016. bones is illustrated by Sleppu. bones is the second default bank for the alterego engine, replacing daisy who was the original default bank. his companion creature is called Diggard.

Magpie Batty is japanese synth created by and voiced by MAGPIE, and released in 2019. magpies imagines were also done by MAGPIE. she has 5vbs (i think).

XELTA is a english japanese synth created and voiced by Dav-P, and introduced on 10 nov 2021. xelta is illustrated by Mirek. xelta is an adult trans man. he is homosexual and demiromantic. he is 167.64cm tall. his character birthday is 31 oct. xelta is south korean. he is also a zombie. he has ptsd (post-traumatic stress disorder)

tw for discussion of bigotry, transphobia, and grooming(?) for the next part.

i was also going to post about Kei Mochizuki(utau) and Dr. Hai(utau) but i decided not to. according to the utau fandom wiki kei is referred to with a transphobic slur in her character profile. however i do not know japanese and i cannot confirm nor deny this. as such, if anyone knows more about kei or just knows japanese and would be able to clarify this i would appreciate it !! either way, as a trans person i did not want to uncritically draw attention to her because of this. if any other trans people want to have a look at her and give their thoughts on kei i would appreciate that also ! im not posting about hai because his character profile describes him as being bigoted, and i felt its a bit weird and uncomfortable to post about an oc someone decided to make bigoted. less canonical, but, on his utau wiki 2.0 page there is a poor mspaint-like drawing of hai by Lasaillax. from what ive seen there is some cross-over/ collaboration between Lasaillax and Dav-P(creator of hai) so i wanted to mention it. on this drawing is text reading "Also this person clearly knew that the victim was virtually a preteen and literally didn't know what they were doing but yet again proceeded to have sexual talks and roleplays with them as if that is socially acceptable we don't stan we we do not". hai has been alive for around 7000 years according to his character profile but looks 27yo. so again, i did not want to post about an adult character who is said to have sexual relation with minors. if this is a misunderstanding or if anyone can tell me if i am misinterpreting this or smthing i would greatly appreciate it !! also, hai was released over 6 years ago, and kei over 11 years ago, so i am not trying to cancel or call out any of the people involved. i just wanted to explain why im not posting them and ask for some further information or explanation if i can !

cyman full image

bones logo

original art by tora

magpie red and honey

magpie brain and death

magpie natural

xelta eng

[pasharuu]

i wanna create this post just so i'll have a place to refer to whenever i need to explain a thing.

first of all, all of what i'll write below is just my thoughts and it doesnt pretend to be somewhat canon. consider my words with a pinch of salt and if you wont agree with me its absolutely fine, i'll actually be glad to hear alternative opinions since i dont have anyone around who would be interested in it as much as i am.

so who is that cinnamon Arama actually.

im honestly surprised though that up until this moment, i bet, i havent ever heard anyone talking about this or imaging it. maybe i just missed these, especially since i dont see a lot of aranara content whatsoever. but im more than sure that at least a single person before me (before this moment, to be exact) spoke it, so im not owning the idea cuz its actually quite obvious.

anyway, if about cinnamon Arama, he is something-like-a-ghost figure. the logic of him existing is entirely taken from Araja, who directly said that he had grown into tree of dreams, and the thing we call Araja is most likely an avatar or something. cinnamon Arama to me is both a complex instrument for vk public ask to tell more while still using Arama as a talking head, and just a personal headcanon entity made for fun.

i refer to Arama as "cinnamon" because he looks like a cinnamon bun and because this is a classification for all the brown aranara. to me all the browns are avatars, PROBABLY besides Arakarman (its a 50/50 cuz we dont know a damn thing about him) and Aranaga, who is also POSSIBLY considered to be cinnamon, still definitely being a seed though. but the rest of the very few number of cinnamons were grown into trees, such as Araja and Aramuhukunda.

cinnamons seem only to exist inside of dream realms (like Araja said, he cant physically leave Vanarana, or Mahavanaranapna if you wish, but i'll go just Vanarana). even Aramuhukunda appears only in dreams, and his visit to Vanarana might be explained by his ability to teleport, but he is still limited just as much.

this is a debatable one, but cinnamons, and so Arama, i think may be another ley line anomaly. however, this is rather a big speculation that had no place in canon whatsoever, and since im rather leaning towards canon information to build cinnamon Arama's logic, im not taking this to consideration much. anyway, its rather about explaining how things work, so it doesnt really affect anything, either its there or not, but i want to put just a couple of words to explain why i think so. but if u dont wanna read through it, just skip this orange text.

that begins with me struggling about understanding what "Sarva" actually is. i came to a speculation about Sarva being actually either ley lines or Irminsul or whatever, since these also keep information, or memories if you wish. Sarva is something where our memories go when we die, and since leakage of memories from ley lines is a thing, i thought that these actually may be connected. "Sarva" in sanskrit has many different meanings, but the very first that will show up will most likely be "everything around", which as well may refer to ley lines cuz these are everywhere. dream realms that the tree of dreams or Vasara created might also be an anomaly due to these being actual trees, and their roots may be connected with ley lines, which results in appearing of dream realms and, of course, the avatars who are just memories, but once, uh, Urakusai? that dude from Yae's quest, said that memories and spirits are actually the same thing.

however, this theory still doesnt explain why Sarva is something the life is born from (yuh we come from there and we'll return there when the time comes), or maybe i just missed something about ley lines. plus this is quite weird of aranara to refer to ley lines as "something beautiful", but due to them cherishing the memories so much, that might make sense.

okay here i finish this scroll long explaination and return to Arama.

so if about Arama himself, he has some stuff that is unique about him. other than being limited to his dream realm (in my setting this realm is a really narrow radius around Ashvattha and, just like Vanarana, its a shadow of a real world, which means it looks exactly the same. all at this moment, when the Ashvattha is still small.). however, some of you may remember that Arama took Aramuhukunda's memories and his teleportation as well, so can he teleport too? welp, debately, but in my setting there is a thing called "that one secret mini quest from Old Vanarana" which messes everything up. in that sequence, the strange voice most likely belongs to Arama, and tells us that his memories are "jumbled up with many others" (memorized quote, but its close i swear), which has him struggle with remembering Traveler. as far as we know, aranara NEVER forget something "just because", there is ALWAYS a reason for such a thing, and in this case Arama might be expiriencing a partial memory loss probably because growing into Ashvattha, i wont be getting deep onto why exactly that happened because i dont know. anyway, i wanted to say that this memory loss messes everything up. in my setting, not only he forgot about both ararakalari (the shield one too), but he also doesnt remember human writing and barely recognizes Traveler. however, this list is not limited by these. but yuh i actually just wanted to say he cant teleport cuz he forgor.

he also seems to behave like during Aranyaka in Old Vanarana, that nerdy one. but when the strange voice speaks, he reminds me of both nerdy one and goofy one (well, normal Arama in other words), so i consider him acting like this in his cinnamon form. difference between him acting was pointed by Paimon during the quest so i think its important (well, it actually is, since his nerdy behaviour is just others' memories cuz they were def wiser than some goofy teenager)

okay, i'll put a little summary with adding a couple of minor facts that i did not mention.

cinnamon Arama is limited to move only around a small radius around Ashvattha, which also means he cant physically go outside.

however, it seems like his consciousness is able to either hear or see or use another possible sense to get an idea what is happening on the surface, but seems to still be limited to observe only over Old Vanarana.

besides his avatar looking brown (or cinnamon), he also got just a little wiltered look (in other words, you can differ the ordinary one and the cinnamon one even if i wont color them)

he has messed up memories and struggles to remember many things, but most of his memories are fine, i think. however, this means he cant normally use teleportation.

but he still owns these memories, he just has issues with remembering them. that means he still can sometimes act weirdly, such as confusing himself with those whom these memories belonged before, but just like in the past, he catches it happening quickly.

he can be summoned by the rhythm of the great dream (exactly, the one you can play near his tree and it does nothing in the game)

he can also speak for Ashvattha as he is actually it and silly Nara cant communicate with plants.

the strange voice from the hidden sequence most likely belongs to him

in case you want to check me, go check wiki dialogues or play Aranyaka a couple of times idk. none of a living person knows it in details, so i bet these will be useful IF YOURE INTERESTED. i personally took a part in at least 10 journeys throught aranyaka, each of which lasted almost 10 hours.

anyway, that is pretty much all i got to say and i also wanna sleep. i hope that was useful to those people who ask me "why brown", how dare you. i hope it wasnt too obvious though, but judging on how poorly its represented in the fandom, i think i shall speak.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, hope all is well, please call me ruby. i apologize in advance if this ask is a little hard to follow because honestly all these thoughts are a byproduct of a multitude of my anxieties. i'm really sorry for the long post. tw's; csa, cocsa, downplaying possible trauma?, hypersexuality, body image issues, low self esteem, overthinking, some anxiety about the future. i'm looking for advice and reassurance.

i'll start off by the fact that for as much as i can remember, my elder cousin starting sa'ing me from a very young age. i remember him teaching me this seemingly weird form of masturbation and as a kid, i wasn't sure what to think of it. when i was around 12-15, it escalated a bit more. touching me where he wasn't supposed to, etc. i remember waking up to him touching me. i knew that it felt wrong, but i didn't know what to think of it. i felt so confused.

he almost raped me once. at this point, i knew that i did not like what was happening, but i still feel today that some part of me feels i liked it. what other explanation could i come up with for letting him do it to me for years? from then on, i vaguely remember resisting all advances. i dreaded going to his house, dreaded him coming home, dreaded when my parents would ask me to run errands with him. i would push him away every time he tried to pull me by the hand to touch me on the stairs.

but he's my first cousin. i'm a single child. both my parents and my grandmother are very fond of him, & he's pretty much the pride of my family. nobody knows about this. i don't know if i'll ever be able to tell anyone about it. there is no evidence. all i had was an explicit text message which he deleted. the catch here is that when we'd gone on a trip together, he'd also sa'd his younger sister. i don't know if he's gone beyond that in the past few years, her and i don't talk about it nor bring it up. i'm assuming my aunt & uncle don't know about it. i often think about asking her about it, the possibility of exposing him, but it's so scary. i often overthink enough to picture a scenario where instead of helping me, the sister turns on me & all of a sudden i'll ruin my family.

i honestly think that im not traumatized at all. i probably enjoyed it, led him on until i didn't, and i'm completely fine. but i have doubts about this. i have trouble sleeping, and i'm very fucking ashamed of the fact that i'm hypersexual with myself, but in public i portray myself as someone with a sex repulsion, which although i do have to an extent, feels contradictory to me and i hate it. i'm obese & have 2 autoimmune diseases, i already hate how my body looks and my cousin has only made it worse.

my grandma's almost 78. i think, that maybe, for whatever time i have left with her, it's better that she doesn't know what her grandson did. the thought of having my family know what my cousin did & having to live with that knowledge for the rest of their lives, is something that i have mixed feelings about. i hear of so many stories where people are falsely accused of SA w/o any proof and their lives get ruined. i feel that if i ever came out about the SA, it would be a similar situation where i'd have no proof and then god knows how things would be. for all i know i'd be labelled as someone who destroyed someone's life and reputation, but in hindsight that happens with a lot of victims. i'd burden my parents & ruin their great relationship w him. i'm supposed to treasure my cousins, being a single child. but i can't. now, him and i act like it never happened. from an outsider's perspective, we get along very well. but deep down i can't care about him. even when we got the news that he was once hospitalized, i found myself thinking 'good. i hope something worse happens' & i don't know how to feel about it. i was a lonely child, and i'm only coming to realize that my parents did not have a healthy relationship like i thought they did, and there were periods where my they couldn't be the best parents to me. so i always longed for a sibling. all my cousins and friends had siblings. i'd always asked my mom for one. now i realize why i never had one, going back to my parents' relationship plus the fact that i was born premature and i'm lucky to be here today. my mom had health problems and was told that all babies she had would turn out like me and probably not survive. additionally, she didn't have the best relationship with her own brother, and didn't want me to go through the same. yet, she's told me that when she looks at all my other cousins, she'd wished she'd have given me the experience of a sibling too.

today i'm 19, i'm grateful for being a single child, and given so many opportunities that a sibling would not get. but one of my worst fears is that when my parents are gone, i'll only have myself, whereas siblings w healthy relationships ( which includes almost all my friends ) will have each other. i don't even share great relations with my own cousins, not sure if i can. my friends don't seem to understand this fear. i'm scared for the future, and so many other things. if my sheltered self will be able to survive without the coddling of my parents. if someday the truth about my cousin randomly comes out and it shatters me. im doing fine living with the experience, but i don't know how it'll affect me in the future. this just increases me thinking that i'm fine and not a 'real victim'.

again, i apologize for the long post, i tried my best to express how i felt. thank you so much for this safe space.

Hi ruby,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Please remember that you were a child so you couldn't have consented even if you say you somewhat enjoyed it. It's common for children to not fully grasp the gravity of the situation due to their cognitive development and therefore may enjoy it, however that's not an excuse for the abuse and it's something that abusers take advantage of. It's natural for things to feel good even if you do not consent to it, but your pleasure doesn't override your lack of consent.

Please know that it's up to you whether or not you tell your family what happened, and it's not your fault if it causes division in the family. Even if people don't believe you, you know what happened was true at the end of the day, so it's way different from making false accusations and tarnishing reputations - your cousin tarnished his own reputation by doing what he did to you and his sister.

If you can access or afford it, I strongly encourage you to speak to a mental health professional such as a therapist who can help you process these experiences and develop some healthy coping skills that you can take with you along your healing journey. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[rat-rosemary]

"Quackity put Dream in danger" meanwhile Dream has repeatedly made public jabs and jokes, seemingly intentionally announced USMP things very close to major QSMP events, and now talks about controversy on main when he previously only did so on private... all while Quackity has literally said and done literally nothing.

What did Dream expect to happen announcing a new server so close to his colleague's project release, or joking about kickboxing him, or posting an essay that the majority of people who see it wouldn't care enough to fully read? He knows how much the internet dogpiles him, justified or not. He had to have known this would cause problems.

I feel awful for his family and I don't want anyone to get hurt, but Dream has done nothing but make this drama worse. It could have ended ages ago. It's faded multiple times only for him to bring it back. If Quackity staying quiet puts people in danger, Dream's incitement is just as bad.

(And I agree with the no-contact anon, his constant "I love him" comments while also implying that the blame for all of this is on Quackity remind me of... bad stuff. Not saying Dream was abusive or anything, just that we don't know WHY Quackity cut him off yet and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt until he does decide to speak up)

First of all, Dream explained that it was an accident that things were so close and similar by accident. We all know Quackity doesn't tell people shit by his own admission. Im pretty sure he even said that he rarely tells anyone anything on the banter episode he was in

Dream used to talk about drama in private because on his public account his replies get flooded with gore and nsfw images.

The fact that you seem to be blaming Dream for having stalkers and having his life and his family's and friend's life's in danger is very fucking weird. Specially considering that they're doing that because of a minecraft server.

Dtkq's friendship was based on silly jabs and jokes made of each other. Do you think it's bad that half of Quackity's jokes and bits with Bad are just him cussing him out and saying that he has some type of disease or accusing him of doing something? Specifically considering Bad is a family friendly streamer?

No, you don't. Because they're friends and they're both okay with it. If something about his relationship with Dtk was bothering Quackity he should have tried communicating about it.

Also, I'm glad it looked like the hate was fading from your side, because it never did. Even I have asks from before the drama where people were hating on either Dream or on me. And I got some very light stuff, nothing close to what the rest of the fandom was dealing with. Please dont just assume that because you couldn't see it from the side that was not getting attacked it wasn't happening

Dream made a long text because it's a complicated and heavy topic and because if he leaves any room for interpretation some dumbasses try to turn it to something bad. Case and point, the dream condom joke that people tried to make drama about because it had a hole

I'm sorry you had a bad experience and that this made you get reminded of it. But this is not your relationship. Do you want me to be honest? I don't think Dream hates Quackity, but I don't think he likes him like he used to. He put that he "loves" Quackity because he respects him and because he does not want his fans to use this as an excuse to attack Quackity and his fans, like how Quackity fans took Quackity's silence for one.

And you know what? We would have a lot more context and would know Quackity's side of view if he actually said something.

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Hi! How are you doing? ^^ ☆

Just wanted to know if you could make a headcanon about how would it be like after an argument with Armin? Please

Tysm for reading me, I love your work ♡♡♡

You're so sweet and nice ♡ of course I'd love to do one and tbh we must be on the same wavelength because i was just thinking about that yesterday!!!

I really liked your idea so imma do both a scenario and a headcanon! Hope you don't mind?

After an argument with Armin

{ Armin x reader | tw: hurt/comfort, self-image issues | angst with happy ending | modern }

{ "Moonlit View" byOscar Kleineh 1846 - 1919 }

Being with Armin had its many, many perks, one being that he's really empathetic and understanding, he doesn't assume things without evidence and knows misunderstandings happen.

When facing problems or disagreements, he thinks of a solution, not argue. He rather you work together against the problem than against each other.

Whenever you were in a bad mood he'd assume the best and think of what might have caused it instead of taking it personally, he knows you still love him, he knows you're just stressed. Maybe comfort could help? Maybe a lovely cuddly evening? Or maybe you need some space?

He's just really good at reading people's emotions and handling these situations, thanks to his efforts you both successfully managed to avoid any kind of arguments or fights most couples go through.

Which is why it was a shocking surprise to everyone when Eren got a call from Armin late at night, asking if he can stay over because you two just had, what he described as, the biggest fight.

Eren almost didn't believe him at first, he thought Armin was playing a prank on him. But then he heard the quivering in his voice and the hiccup that followed. Armin was crying, things were serious.

The last thing he said to you while putting his coat on was "I'm sorry, I'm weak, you and I know that."

Him saying that, in that tone, with those tearful eyes, made you want to get up and yell at him that no he isn't. He shouldn't just say that about himself like it's a fact and not just the results of years of self-doubt.

You wanted to hug him, to pull him closer till all those awful thoughts leave his head, till he sees at himself like how you see him, incredibly brave and determined.

But you didn't, you stayed there on the couch as he put his shoes on. His eyes pleading for you to say something, anything. To tell him to stay, to come sit near you. He even looked at you one last time before opening the door.

As you stared at him in silence, the realisation that you don't even remember what you were fighting about hit you, you can't, how could you? The minute the door closed behind him is when you realised how real the situation is.

How quiet the house is.

Has it always been this cold?

And just how much worried you are about him.

It hasn't been a full minute and you're missing him already.

—

It's 4am

It's hours since he left, how much exactly? You can't even remember.

Still haven't moved from the couch, you're not sure what you're feeling, you've been going through different emotions each hour.

Guilt, sadness, regret, anger, denial, pessimism, you name it.

It doesn't matter, none of that really matters to you right now. It's Armin who you've been worried about for a while that matter.

You know for a fact Eren and Mikasa aren't the most emotionally open people, you know Armin is already struggling with letting out his emotions without feeling needless guilt or shame.

You know he needs someone right now, he needs a shoulder to cry on and a reassuring voice. You've been both these things for him since even before you got together.

Just like he has been these things for you too. You need that someone just as much now. You didn't even know it's possible to feel this lonely.

Is he also thinking about you? Is he sleeping soundly on Eren’s couch? Or is that one stain from last week's party bothering him?

...is he just as miserable as you are right now? Probably not, you think. He's far stronger than he gives himself credit for, you know that better than everyone else.

Your thought process gets interrupted by a buzz from your phone, a text. Your eyes light up, you pull the blanket you dragged from the bed tighter around you, it's Armin.

[ hey ] it said, [is it okay if i call you?]

You reply back, he starts typing again, you stare at those three dots like your life depends on them.

[Okay, give me a minute please ]

You pull the phone closer to you, it's brightness contratsing against the dark living room. Some minutes pass...nothing, you feel your heartbeat rising. Phone still clutched in your hands.

It rings, it doesn't get past the second ring before you've pressed the accept button. You can hear the wind on the other side, alongside the distant sound of passing cars. Your heart only slows down after hearing the fimilar and oh so lovely sound of soft breathing

Suddenly the world doesnt seem so dim anymore.

"Sorry, it took more time than i thought, Eren keeps his keys in really weird places...I hope i didn't make you worry"

Oh If only he knew..

Dozens of possible replies run through your mind.

I missed you, did you miss me too?

Please come back, I hate feeling this lonely.

How does it feel to take my heart and run away?

Was your voice always this captivating or am i just high on sleep-deprevation?

I miss your kisses, i wish i could feel your lips against mine. Could you kiss me through the phone?

...in the end, you settle for "It's okay" you say, "It's alright."

"That's good...hey listen." You listen, "I'm not going to skirt around the subject, i called because" he takes a deep breath, "i want to apologise for how i acted, for what i said, both to you and myself."

Hearing him admit to his faults and own up to his mistakes, fills you with courage to do the same. You apologise, you mention how you've been thinking about him, you leave out the embarrassing parts.

You tell him you love him, and miss him.

You're met with silence. So you call out his name.

"Wait..you're not mad at me?" He says.

What? Mad? You?

"No." You say. "Why would you think that?"

You hear a chuckle that evolves into a laugh, it's contagious.

"Fuck...oh god I'm...im so stupid, i left because I thought you were mad and didn't bother you more by making you look at me." Even he seems to realise just how ridiculous that concept is.

It's 5am now, you're both laughing over the phone. The world is good again.

You ask if he's mad at you.

He instantly replies with a no.

"I could never be mad at you..." he says, "I love you so much it hurts. I love you like I've never loved anyone else before that it terrfies me, I'm scared one day I'll wake up and you won't be beside me anymore, you've made me love myself in ways i never though i would, you made me believe in myself because you believed in me."

{ Headcanons }

After an argument, Armin tries giving both of you space to calm down.

It doesn't last long because he will approach you after and talk about his emotions and explains why he did the things he did. He will also apologise for the things he did wrong like yelling or saying something hurtful.

If you give him the okay, he will instantly hug you. Physical touch is a great comfort for him so don't expect him letting you go anytime soon.

He will hold your face gently, tell you how much he missed you despite it being only hours.

Doesn't even care about the argument anymore or attempt to bring it up, he just wants to make up asap.

You're both gonna have a heartfelt conversation and actually process your emotions together. As a result you two come out stronger and closer after each argument.

He doesn't hold grudges, so he won't ever act passive aggressive after an argument. if he's got a problem he will tell you.

Just 100% honestly and transparency with this golden boy.

Will want to spend more time together post argument, he will really love it if you watch something together or you let him read you something.

Give him love and affaction, he loves you deeply it's actually rare these days.

When you go to sleep on those nights, he will hold you tighter and stroke your back.

He doesn't hold grudges yet he still remembers each fight you had and instead of it being a sour memory, he thinks of it as a learning block. Just a step towards understanding each other more.

Pamper him more after an argument and he will feel so loved, hearts in his eyes as you brush his morning hair.

[peachcitt]

Hi! You've mentioned on Discord that you read a lot of books, and I was wondering if you could rec some? Either your favourites, or ones that had a big impact on you/your writing 🥺

yes!!! all my favorite books generally affect my writing style, and often after ive finished reading a really good book, i'll write something and end up emulating that book's style (either on accident or on purpose haha). sometimes on my ao3 you'll find in my author's notes me saying what book i just finished, and if you read or know those books, you'll probably see me mimicking certain aspects of style

for other reccommendations/more in depth descriptions of book plots, i also have a reading list that i posted this past winter on my writing blog that you can check out, and im planning on posting another one at the end of the summer!! (in fact ive already started the list lmao)

the list will be structured as follows: book or series name, author, and a couple reasons why i like it. in addition to this, i will put stars by author's names if i have read other books by them and greatly enjoyed them.

without further ado:

The Grishaverse by Leigh Bardugo*

this has got to be my favorite series of all time. i love bardugo's capability to write complex characters and complicated plots, and i really like the way she structures her books. the series is just so artfully done and when i finished it i was so perfectly satisfied and so perfectly sad because i mourned the fact that it was over

I am the Messenger by Markus Zusak*

literally my favorite book. this is the book i tell people is my favorite if anyone asks. i love zusak's casual humor alongside his ability to write such heartbreaking and heavy moments in just little scraps of images. it's a romantic book without being about romance - it's about love and kindness and how powerful those things can be be, and that shit gets me every time. i have reread this book so many times - yearly since i got it, i think, and i got in middle school, i think. im in college now. and every time i reread it, i get something different out of it

The Chaos Walking Trilogy by Patrick Ness*

i think about these books constantly. these were the first books i read by patrick ness, and, now that ive read some of his other books, i know in classic patrick ness fashion, these books haunt me. patrick ness has this uncanny ability to take genres you think you know and twist and warp them until you're on the edge of your seat trying to figure out what will happen next without the safety net of genre supporting the story. in addition to that, his characters are always wonderfully flawed - he puts real people into fantastical situations, and it's fascinating and always an emotional and satisfying read

The Alex Crow by Andrew Smith*

dude i think about the alex crow so much. i said i normally call i am in the messenger my favorite book, but every so often i'll say this one is because i just love it so much. the alex crow is just so bafflingly weird but the teenage boy main characters are so real and gross and hilarious. andrew smith has the amazing knack for writing weird as hell plot lines and telling stories that are about everything, all at once, while still making it about one thing. that doesn't make sense, but if you read the alex crow (or his other book i've read called Grasshopper Jungle that is actually on my summer list) then you will know what i mean. the alex crow is so many things, and i love all of them

I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson*

i used to read a lot of ya romance and, to be honest, the stuff i used to read was not all great, but this book absolutely changed the game and probably made me raise my standards exponentially. the timeline of this book is so creative, and it's done in such a way that it leaves you wondering how the timelines will reconcile. in addition to this, both romances in the book are so interesting and loveable, and the relationship between the two main characters (who are twins) is an amazing thing to see unfold. this is a peak ya romance book, and i can't recommend it enough

Holding Up the Universe by Jennifer Niven*

another ya romance, and i have to say the romance in this book is so beautifully done. generally, this is just a really sweet book that gave me butterflies, to be quite honest. i think niven has a really good knack for writing characters that are diverse and a little strange but all have their own distinct personalities that mingle really interestingly with each other.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe By Benjamin Alire Sáenz

this one is an obvious choice, and for good reason. aristotle and dante is just a classic queer novel, and it's earned its place as such. it's a poetic sort of book, and i love the voices of the characters, as well as the pictures of the world we get through ari's voice. this is a visual book written in text - i think a lot about the steady, careful romance of the book and the way sáenz makes ari an unreliable narrator by artfully excluding his feelings from scene descriptions and dialogue tags. it's such a creative and heartbreaking technique that i often find myself wanting to do

The Leviathan Trilogy by Scott Westerfeld

oooohh this trilogy changed me. for starters its such a weird, creative concept - alternate history steampunk and biopunk world war I. like doesn't that sound so interesting?? and this trilogy's main characters are so easy to love - and watching their relationship unfold and develop is so endearing. also, my copies include these wonderful illustrations (which i think might be in all copies?) that really let you put images to the weird fantastical things westerfeld included into the world.

The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton

this book was actually on my winter book list, and i read it so fast and so obsessively because i wanted so badly to know what was going to happen. the plot absolutely pulled me in, and the first line - "I forgot everything between footsteps" - stuck with me because just look at the way that's written!! it's so artful and intriguing, i was just dying to know what would happen next. the timeline is this amazing maze that as i read i couldn't help but admire how long or how much turton had to plan in order to make everything line up in just the right way. it was a fascinating book with so much to say - im really looking forward to reading it again

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern

this book was also on my winter book list, and it just absolutely enraptured me. its witty, quiet sort of voice was amazing to read, and the imagery instilled into every scene made it seem like everything was so real, just right there for me to touch or smell or taste. the plot of a secret huge magic library really roped me in, and i think this is a love story for people who read, people who love stories, people who love the magic of a library.

Meddling Kids by Edgar Cantero*

cantero's works are just so creatively written - not just by plot or character standards, but by style standards, too. meddling kids is great not just for its complex, loveable characters or for its fantastical, dark, and mysterious plot, but also for the weird and intriguing liberties cantero makes with style. in his other books, too, is the switch between snarkily written prose to stage directions to video or audio transcripts, and it makes for such a visual sort of book - i mean, i could easily see any of cantero's books being made into a film or series because all the material is right there. cantero's creativity with style is so intriguing to me, and because of him, i've become more familiar with playing around in style in an attempt to create something as interesting as his novels

and that's all i'll put down here now!

i mentioned it a little, but probably my biggest style references are leigh bardugo, markus zusak, edgar cantero, and andrew smith for various reasons that i am more than willing to talk more in depth about if anyone is wondering<3

thank you for asking im always willing to talk books :')

[puukkolesbo]

@sokkadyke u wanted to know my thoughts? i'll give u my thoughts!! (the fic is unconditionally and irrevocably - an absolutely AMAZING zukka twilight au that everyone should go read rn)

imma put down my thoughts on this post as i read the chapter. putting this under a read more bc i might get rambly

just the chapter summary has got me SO EXCITED. i am so ready for katara questioning her brother & all of the suki/yue content in this fic is just SO GOOD, ppl, SO DAMN GOOD. also skipping school is *chefs kiss* peak high school romance content and i’m desperately trying to unlock my twilight memories bc IS THIS WHERE WE GET TO SEE ZUKO GLITTER IN THE SUN??? okok on to the actual fic now

ahh, that sibling solidarity of not asking anything in front of the parent even tho u desperately want to interrogate ur sibling<3<3<3 also sokka w beautiful, beautiful awkward teen avoidance of personal questions

sokka ur little sister has A PLAN and u should probably be AFRAID. torturing ur sibling w not asking the questions u clearly want to ask and letting them sit in their own stew for days is also peak sibling interaction. the dynamic between katara and sokka in this fic is one of the many, many things that make me love this fic so much more than the og twilight

zuko getting over the avodation phase and jumping into the ‘i wan to know everything’ phase is a BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL thing. also that unnecessary touching????????? SIR, YOU ARE IN A SCHOOL. STOP MAKING UR CRUSH BLUSH. STOP BEING SUCH AN ADORABLE ASSHOLE FLIRT

i already yelled about this @ haley when they dropped this snippet as a preview in my messages bUT LET ME YELL ABOUT IT AGAIN. its just !!!!!!!!!! SO GOOD !!!!!!! i still cant believe i had forgotten about the whole ballet thing in og twilight & the mental image of bby katara and sokka doing ballet together is SO PRECIOUS i cant get over it

damn boys, get a hold on yourselves. ya gotta study. or at least sokka does. also can yall imagine sitting behind these fools in class? can you? u would be torn between wanting to smile at their cuteness and wanting to throw up bc they are TOO cute already at this point in their budding relationship. in fic form tho? i can just grin like a madman while reading

ohhhhhhhhhh yeah didnt expect that either sokka

lmao this is a mood and a half

oh sokka, you fool. if u want to avoid a topic, then u avoid it at all costs. ESPECIALLY when u want to avoid it w ur little sister. bc little sisters are RUTHLESS

alright im not gonna screencap the entire questioning convo, but DAMN DO I LOVE IT. sokka having katara brings such an interesting dynamic to this fic. in the og twilight bella didnt have to keep secrets from anyone else than her father (and lets face it, even loving parents dont know shit about their tenagers) and her friends, which she had only met recently.

sokka is in a much, much more tricky situation w a sister who cares about him and his safety and also KNOWS him. damnnn. i’m very excited to see how this whole thing plays out & at what point katara figures shit out/sokka tells her

I HAD ALSO FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE PROM. WE ARE GOING TO SEE READ ABOUT SOKKA AND ZUKO AT THE PROM. WILL THEY WEAR MATCHING TIES/BOWTIES? WILL THEIR SLOWDANCE BE ENRAGINGLY CUTE?? I BET YES TO ALL OF THE ABOVE

MY SHIT EATING GRIN MATCHES AANG’S

aang is precious and i love him & suki is an asshole and i love her even more. also yue getting to do some teasing as well, being a dumb teenager like the rest of the group.... uggh, it makes me emotional. how i wish she would’ve lived in canon so we could’ve seen suki and yue ribbing sokka in canon too

aang and katara are so cute!!! some hets do deserve rights. also sokka and katara with the sibling solidarity again is beautiful

thE SMIRK. THE POUT. THE SERIOUS LOOK. THE TOUCHING. I’M !!!!!!!!!!!

YESS i DID remember!!! glitter zuko glitter zuko!!!!!!!!!

asdfghjkl i LOVE this piece of dialogue. PEAK COMEDY

i KNOW half of the things im saying are about katara and sokka’s relationship, but i just adore realistic sibling interactions. this is some good, good content

OH MY GOD. zuko, stop. i almost choked on my ice cream when i read this, he texts even worse than my grandma and i both hate it and love it asdfghj

look at sokka being a revolutionary bi, wearing flannel ON TOP of his hoodie

for some reason this line unlocked the memory of the “spider-monkey” line from the twilight film. asdfghjk. i dont know which i want more: that this fic has it or that it doesnt

OH SHIT. for some reason i had just assumed toph was going to take the alice role, mai the rosalie and haru the jasper. and i was kinda sad that oh no there’s not going to be an emmett. but i assume jasper is the one we’re ditching? good riddance southern boy aND MORE IMPORTANTLY, DOES THIS MEAN TOPH IS EMMETT? BC IF SO, I AM SO, SO FUCKING HAPPY AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE MY DUMB ASSUMPTIONS WERE ROBBING ME OF THIS REALISATION

GLITTER ZUKO!!! *happy dance* also i’m in love w how zuko is awkward over his giller skin bc it’s weird & not w that ‘skin of a killer’ shit lmao

MY HEART IS SO SOFT FOR THESE FOOLS

sokka u smart, smart boy. i love u

*eye emoji* i have never in my life wished so hard that i could remember og twilight lines lmao. is this just a fact w no other meaning, or is zuko older than edward??

i ADORE this exchange so much i dont even have proper words for it. the wonderful + i was going to say stupid iS WHAT ROMANCE IS TO ME

i cant believe these idiots invented love

bruh. BRUHHH. BRUH. BRUH

bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i LOVE  this song

bruh,,,,

good GOD, WHAT A CHAPTER. look, i started reading this fic for the lolz and laughs - and it has those! this fic is SO MUCH FUN!!! - but it also has such beautifully stupidly cute romance now and im??? so soft and also dumbfounded. i am honestly just liking this fic very very much. also as i have said a billion times already, the sibling content is 5/5

so. thank u so much for yet another wonderful chapter, haley!! can’t wait for the next, to see those backgroud characters you’re talking about *eyes emoji* 

[dolansmith]

Thoughts on the “Trisha Drama”

I’m going to preface this with my previous thoughts of both sides. I didn’t know who Trisha was until after I found out about the vlog squad about a year ago. I didn’t mind her, i thought she brought out an interesting perspective to the group. Then I thought she was literally off her rocker. 

I loved the vlog squad bc I found them in a really difficult time in my life and they kept me from getting too deep into a depression. While I saw some of their mistakes, I saw the best in them all and hoped for change or at least some kind of accountability. 

This is gonna be really long and idk if anyone is even gonna read this/care lol but Im just so frustrated with a lot of the people that are into the vs. Like after really looking into everything that happened, I felt kind of ashamed to be backing the vs bc they’re doing some fucked up stuff tbh. 

So lets do a basic rundown of mistakes made. 

Mistakes in their public relationship:    -Trisha: made sexual jokes about jason’s friends, started arguments about her insecurities instead of starting a conversation.     -Jason: made sexual jokes about girl’s a decade younger than trisha (and 2 and a half decades younger than him), would complain about having to go do things trisha liked doing and would pout the whole time  (i.e. disneyland and a couple of the hamilton viewings), would egg on trishas insecurities, literally dumped her on a daily basis and call her crazy when she voiced said insecurities and then would basically get back together within an hour and practically give everyone whiplash, also talked about her weight and eating habits CONSTANTLY (fucking dick)    -David: inputted himself in their relationship, recorded their fights and encouraged their toxic behavior to both his friends and his audience

Mistakes in the “official” breakup:    -Trisha: talking about jason’s ex and kids, comparing david to ted bundy (a lil wild but tbh not that big of a deal bc no one actually believed thats what she meant but anyway), the brandon thing (we’ll come back to this)    -Jason: continuing to make jokes about fucking a 19/20 year old despite his gf saying she didn’t like it, not putting an end to David “pressuring him” to making said jokes, the brandon thing    -David: ignoring his “friend” when she said not to put something in his vlog, putting his image and career first

Mistakes after:    -Trisha: constantly going on rants about david and Jason.    -Jason: staying in contact with trisha secretly. (ill get back to this too)    -David: putting his image above all else. 

Now we’re going to get into some uncomfortable hot takes. I’m gonna get a whole lotta hate from stans but tbh idc anymore

The Brandon Thing (I’ve done some digging since her video exploding at Jeff): 

   -Brandon began a relationship with a high schooler. She was underage the first time they had sex. There’s receipts and timelines set up. I’d recommend Petty Paige’s Youtube video on it for specifics.     -Lot’s of vs fans say she only brought it up when her and Jason ended so that meant she didn’t really care, but I’d like to point out that she has stated (on more than one occasion) that she voiced her thoughts on this multiple times to the group in Private and no one cared. Y’all are always going on about how she should say whatever she has to say in private but when she does and is ignored, what then? Just a thought.     -Let’s also bring the rest of the vs up in this. How come none of them ever said anything? They’re the ones still out here tolerating him. Pretty hypocritical. I’m not gonna aim anything at the girls bc none of them have Brandon in their videos but the guys? Jeff, Jason, David, Todd and I think Scott too, have all had Brandon in at least one video. They’re out here talking shit about Trisha amongst each other but are friends with a predator? Lmao Okay, cool. 

Jason Keeping in Contact for months: 

   -This was dumb.     -As someone who has suffered from mental health issues and has been in a mental hospital and suffered from attachment AND abandonment issues, Trisha would’ve been better off had Jason ended things and kept them that way. Instead, he ended their public relationship and friendship. He kept her a secret from even his “friends” and then dragged on their “friendship” for months. For what? He should’ve just given her her things and closure and kept it pushing.     -On that, why did he keep her belongings for so long and refuse to give it back until she said something public about it? He ignored her calls and texts about her very expensive things for weeks. Then she made a video calling him out on it, and she got her stuff back.    -I’m seeing a pattern here, aren’t you?

The Jeff Thing (did some digging on him too...by digging i mean google):

   -This one makes my blood boil for several reasons. ESPECIALLY AFTER TODAYS VIDEO. It rlly put everything into perspective omg.     -The starbucks story that Trisha told was the same everywhere: ‘I saw Jeff at Starbucks and said hey. He ignored me and was such a pussy he left his order at the counter after having paid.’ His masculinity is SO FRAGILE that he twisted it into ‘I’m not gonna be fake with someone who fucked over my friend. Can’t fuck them up either tho lol’ and ‘i’m not gonna make shit easy on you, i’m gonna make them feel weird’. What a baby lmfao    -His assault joke rubbed me the wrong way. I know Jeff’s schtick is the whole “I was in jail for a few months and I was a drug dealer I’m big and scary” blah blah blah. Listen, I’ve met men that have been in jail longer (he was in for only 4 months he once said I think) and had worse upbringings than he did and HAD to do some of the shit Jeff was doing (which lemme remind yall, was on his own accord). The men that I know that have lived similar and worse lifestyles than Jeff, would never and I REPEAT NEVER, make a joke about assaulting a Woman over “fucking my friend over”, when the situation was what it was. Which was: an exposé, basically. That’s some petty shit, it’s for the birds. (Also, Todd and Jay’s jokes about the assault joke? Ain’t it. They were just as bad as Jeff’s original joke.)    -Do y’all know what Jeff’s been to jail for? He tried to assault someone that worked at a 7-Eleven after he and his dumbass friends were fucking around in the store and got yelled at and ended up assaulting a woman walking by.     -He also talked about her mental health issues. Maybe he wasn’t talking about her specifically, but it was REAL specific. He said that it was crazy that a “psychopath” that’s been in a mental hospital still had a platform on youtube. That they shouldn’t have one. Trisha made a really good point of, “some could say the same about your time in jail.” Because they could. And mental health can be managed. So can your outrageous anger issues, Jeff. This was really ignorant on his part.     -I also want to remind everyone about the time he said he didn’t understand how men could be sexually harassed. That all you had to do was say no.    -He says he likes to “make things awkward” and make everything a joke when really he’s just being ignorant and doesn’t want to get real hate when he gets inevitably called out

Trisha’s “Dirt”:

   -Trisha doesn’t know anything that the rest of us don’t. We’re just all IGNORING it. Why? Bc David’s charming and Todd and Jeff are pretty? Ridiculous. This is the last vlog squad post i’m going to make because I’m done. So the following is going to be a rundown on the “dirt” on them that made me come to the decision that I wouldn’t be supporting them anymore. I’ll also put my own thoughts and comments underneath in case y’all are curious. Staying silent about these situations is the same as complacency.     -Brandon Calvillo: Covered this but to reiterate, he dated a high schooler and slept with her/dated her knowing her age. He then lied about it in a video to cover his tracks.           *I am well aware that she was months from being 18. This doesn’t make it okay. What does a 26 year old have in common with a 17 year old? And just because this is the first girl we know about, doesn’t mean she’s the first at all or even the last.     -Durte Dom: He was accused of assault at vidcon.            *This hasn’t been confirmed. But it also hasn’t even been discussed. This girl is getting hate from vs stans and the vs have stayed silent. I can understand not wanting to show attention to people who make accusations for clout, but assault is serious and should at the Very Least be acknowledged privately or legally bc it could be considered slander. Don’t let your fans (or your friend’s fans) do your dirty work.      -Jeff Wittek: He has major anger issues. Makes jokes about assaulting women after actually having assaulted one in the past (accidentally but doesnt take away from what he did) and has made jokes about sexual harassment against men not being viable             *tbh he has a “pretty white boy complex”. Meaning he knows that he can say and do what he wants and most people will let it slide bc he’s a pretty white boy. No education needed.     -Jason Nash: Is friend’s with a predator, is quite possibly setting an awful example to his kids, namely his daughter.          *Listen. I’m a feminist, a woman should be able to decide what to do with her body after she turns 18. But being groomed and hit on by grown ass men when you’re barely legal, ain’t it. If you want to and feel ready, there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it BUT 9.9 times out of 10, that fucks a woman up in the future. One day, she is going to see her dad hitting on a 19/20 year old Tana and see that her dad’s  26 year old best friend dated a 17/18 year old and lied about specifics and might think that’s normal and how men should treat her. I won’t support that shit.

And as for all the other member’s of the vs, they either don’t care enough about what their friends or friends’ friends are doing, or they’re not bothering to even consider it’s happening and that isn’t cool either. 

Be better. 

As for Trisha, she’s had her own faults and fuckups, no doubt about it. I’m not a big fan of her content but i FELT for her. Her name has been dragged through the mud because of this more than anything else and it doesn’t sit right with me when her only real fuckup in THIS situation was bringing the ex and kids into it the way she did. Everything else either could have been avoided or she had a right to say to the public since they put everything about the relationship out in the open as much as she did. If Jason and David had reached out and admitted their own mistakes and asked her to stop talking about them online the way she was, she probably would’ve chilled out. What happened, what they and their fans (us) have done has been nothing short of traumatizing, no doubt. The way these 30 year old boys (Jeff, Todd, Scott and Jay) are reacting to her? They’re the real joke if we’re being honest.

Note: I’d also like to say that if you do still support them and have differing views than I do, I’ll respect you and your views no matter what. Everyones entitled to their opinion and thoughts. These are just mine. 

[canadiankazz]

The First Time - an L.A. By Night Fanfic

I received a positive response to my inquiry about people being interested in my new L.A. by Night fic, so here we go. Because I got my start on fanfiction dot net back in the day, I’m going to give my warnings thusly:

I obviously don’t lay claim to any of the characters involved. This fanfiction is part one of several, maybe as many as five parts, depending on when I run out of ideas. It is intended for a mature audience, and it is the beginning of what will end up being a pretty heavy multi-part Jasper/Annabelle story. SPOILERS for the end of campaign 1, but not for the one-shots. This is going to go off canon pretty quickly, so consider this an AU. Written before the premiere of Season 2.

Annabelle is going to try to help Jasper with his problems in finding food. He reluctantly accepts her help. They both have a better time than they thought they would.

Very, very special thanks to @cravatfiend, for their encouragement, ideas and enthusiastic reactions to reading the first drafts.You are the weird person into weird things.  I dragged you into this fandom and we are both hopelessly down the rabbit hole now, friendface. ;)

First posted Jan. 11, 2019.

Now can also be found at my Ao3.

The Entire ‘Feeds From’ Master List Can be Found Here

The First Time

When Jasper excused himself early from their coterie meeting, Annabelle was the only one who followed him. Though Victor asked if anything was wrong, Jasper brushed him off. He was fine. He didn't like Victor or Nelli involving themselves in his problems. They both said they understood him, and perhaps they did, but despite their shared experiences, it was only a surface level of understanding. Other than sharing their already mutual coterie spaces, neither of them had done anything else to help him.

Annabelle caught him just before he got to the elevator, just before he disappeared.

“Jasper, are you okay?”

There was something in her tone that made him stop, or maybe it was because she had followed him and she was the only one making an effort. Normally, he did not like being followed. That was his job, not the other way around. Tonight, however, he was feeling more vulnerable than usual. He hated it, but he knew that he had to do something about it. He glanced at her over his shoulder and put on a fake smile.

“Sure, I'm fine.”

Annabelle saw through it instantly. She thought he looked awful, like what he did before his early and frantic departure from the Highland. It wasn't his physical appearance, nothing could be done about that, but it was something in the way he moved, in his tone of voice. There was something very important bothering him. She glared at him critically. “No, you're not,” she said softly.

He sighed.

“When was the last time you ate?” Annabelle asked, zeroing in on the issue.

“I can take care of myself.”

He went to leave, to continue to brush her off, but she was not having it. She closed the distance between them and put her hand on his elbow. His muscles were tense, like a bowstring that's been pulled back. He didn't pull away from her.

“Jasper, I... I know you can take care of yourself, but one of the things that has helped people survive as long as they have is others helping them when they needed it. Please, let me help you.”

His icy, inhuman eyes met her deep, dark, emotional ones. There was a beat where he weighed his options. She was stubborn, one of the most stubborn Kindred he had ever met. She was also still kind, still had the streak of humanity that he had all but lost a long time ago.

“Alright,” he relented. “Come with me. We'll talk.”

Her eyes lit up a little with this forward progress. “Okay, where are we going?”

“We'll go... back to my home,” he said reluctantly. “It's private.” He glanced back to the board room. The others could be listening in.

“Okay,” she nodded. She trusted him, but while they were in the elevator, she sent Victor and Nelli a text to tell them she was with Jasper and they were going to talk. She felt a little guilty about doing so. It made her feel like she was going on a dangerous date and texting someone about it just in case things went south and she needed the cavalry to come in and get her, or someone to tell the cops about the last person she was with if she went missing. She pushed those thoughts out of her mind. Jasper was her friend, and she had no doubt that if he really had wanted to hurt her, he would have done it already. Jasper was invisible now in the elevator, but she knew he would have seen her text.

“I can call an Uber,” she offered. She had a mental image of Jasper sitting perfectly still and invisible in the back seat while she chatted with and distracted the driver.

“No,” came Jasper's disembodied voice in her ear. She suppressed the urge to flinch. “We'll walk. It's not that far.”

She nodded and started walking. She did her best to ignore the shivers Jasper had given her down her spine.

They left campus and headed for the L.A. River. Once they were more or less alone and definitely out of ear shot, Annabelle felt it safe to be able to talk to him out loud, but softly.

“Jasper?”

“Yes?”

His voice was coming from her left. She glanced towards him, swishing her hair out of the way, but of course, she couldn’t see anything.

“You never answered my question. When was the last time you ate?”

“I haven't really... not since Tara.”

Annabelle blinked in surprise and mild alarm. “But that was weeks ago!”

“I know.”

“But, you...” She was suddenly much more afraid. His Beast, his hunger... it must be so bad, but he was only just now starting to show any sign of it. She admired the restraint, the willpower he had been quietly using all this time.

“I ate a stray dog the other night,” he admitted, “I haven't found another solution yet, but I will. Don't worry.”

“You ate a dog?! Of course I'm going to worry, Jasper,” Annabelle snapped. “You're telling me you haven't eaten in weeks! I – argh!” She made a sound of frustration and sighed. Anger wasn't the answer. “This has gone on long enough Jasper.”

“What are you going to do? Kidnap someone for me to feed on?”

“No! God, no! I... why don't you feed on me instead?”

She had said it without really thinking. She stopped walking and got the vague feeling that he had stopped too.

“No,” she heard him say.

“Well... why not?”

“Because... I don't want to hurt you.”

She hated that she couldn't see him. “You won't hurt me.”

“I could though. If I lose control, I could kill you.”

“You won't though, Jasper. You've never done that. You're too strong to do that.”

He was quiet for several moments. She wondered briefly if he had left. She tried to keep her voice steady. “Are you still here?”

“Yeah,” he said very softly. She didn't think he had moved based on where his voice came from.

A thought surfaced in her brain. This wasn't the first time she had thought this, but it was the first time she was going to ask about it out loud.

“Has anyone ever offered themselves to you before? To be fed on, I mean.”

“Let's keep walking.”

She thought she could hear him move, but she wasn't about to let him leave without her. “Jasper-!”

“Come on,” he invited her along. He wanted to walk and talk.

She fell back into step beside him, or so she assumed.

“To answer your question, yes, I have been offered,” Jasper's voice came in hushed tones by her side. “At the Succubus Club, I could have fed and no one would have protested. I've been to other vampire social gatherings and declined to feed there. But that was the others being polite and having to obey social rules. Outside of those circumstances, no. No one has offered themselves to me before. No Kindred, and definitely no mortals.” He chuckled softly. “The little game you were playing on campus before Victor and Nelli and I found you... I can't do that. It's different for me, for Nosferatu in general. We can't...” He sighed quietly, forming his thoughts into words. “We don't tend to get very many opportunities where people are happy for us to feed upon them. Have you ever seen Nelli feed?”

“Yeah. She um... she gets people who want to sit with her and she kisses them and...” Annabelle made a face. It was kind of disgusting.

Jasper chuckled again. “Yeah. I can't feed like that. No one is ever going to want to sit in my lap with champagne.”

Annabelle tried to play it light. “Oh, I don't know... there's a lot of weird people who are into weird things out there.”

“It's nice of you to say so, but none of those people have found me yet. To be honest, I don't know what I'd do if they did.”

Annabelle smiled a little. They walked in silence for a few minutes. They were close to the river now. She found her thoughts circling back around to her biggest anxieties about choice and consent. “So... you've never gotten consent before you fed?”

“No,” he said quietly, reluctantly, truthfully. “I wish I could though. As I said, that's not an option for most of my kind. Being a Nosferatu is like... hard mode vampire. We don't get the luxury of having people want to be in our company, and most of us aren't wealthy enough to pay people to be with us. People see us and scream and run, or scream and attack, unless they have been mind controlled, but in that case, are they still giving their consent?”

She chewed that over in her mind. It had dreadful implications.

They were quiet again until they were almost at Jasper's front door. Victor had paid to get the door replaced so it would be just as secure as it had been before. It was a nice gesture, but it didn't change the fact that the location of Jasper's home was still known to them, and that he wished it wasn't so.

“My offer still stands, by the way,” Annabelle said at the door. “You can feed on me if you want to, just to get you through the night, just until you... can find another option. Please, let me help you, Jasper.”

He become visible suddenly. His hand was on the work hatch-like door and he was pulling it open. He paused and looked at her, and she was relieved to be able to see his face. He seemed deep in thought, considering his options once again. As she watched, she saw him flinch and growl to himself. She knew then that this was his version of talking to his Beast. They all did it, Annabelle knew, some more vocally than others. She waited to see what he would do, what, if anything he would say in reply.

“Okay,” Jasper said at last.

Part of her was surprised, and almost hadn't expected him to say that. “What?”

“Okay. I'll do it, but... there are conditions.” He ran his tongue over his lips. “I want you to be safe.” He glanced around suddenly, up and down the river. They were alone, but he still seemed spooked. “Let's go inside.”

She nodded and followed him. He held the door open for her, and made sure it was shut tight behind them. He led her through the twisting path down to his living area, through the secret passages. He moved with utter confidence. This was his space. She wasn't hesitant, but she had to admit she was a little nervous.

“This is the first time I've had someone in here... who I've invited,” Jasper said as they emerged into his workshop room. Annabelle saw that Tara's cage was in the corner. She swallowed.

“Why is that still there?”

“The cage? It's very difficult to take that apart. I built it to be very... durable.” he smiled to himself and Annabelle could see his fangs. He was remembering something amusing, something she probably wouldn’t find amusing at all. Her nervousness grew, and doubt bloomed inside her. She found herself involuntarily taking a step back. Jasper saw her reaction and frowned. It was his own fears and doubts coming back to the surface. He hoped that saying yes to Annabelle to let her help him wasn't a mistake.

“Are you going to use the cage again?” she asked him softly.

“I hope I won't have to, but...” he shrugged. She took his unsaid meaning. It's still there if he needs it.

He moved past the cage, towards the pivoting door that lead to his living room. He beckoned Annabelle to follow. He correctly assumed that Annabelle would be glad to be out of the cage room.

Annabelle found his living room was more or less as it was when she, Victor, Nelli and Strikes the werewolf had been through. Some of the books on the table had changed, but the furniture was still sparse. Jasper turned on the lamp and gestured to a chair, offering it to her to sit. She did so. It was fairly comfortable, but in an inexpensive way. Far from any kind of plush leather seating that Victor and Nelli couldn’t seem to do without. Annabelle found her gaze drifting back to the closed metal door on the other side of the room that lead ultimately down to the labyrinth. She swallowed, and tried not to shiver thinking of that place. She forced herself to look at his painted landscapes instead. It was beautiful and sad, to think of someone who spent so much time in the dark tunnels under a modern concrete and glass city to want to admire green, rolling hills instead. Maybe that was why he liked to live near the park as well, she thought.

Jasper sat in another chair near her. He seemed suddenly awkward, unused to pleasant company in his personal space. He pulled his hood back, exposing the black veins that crossed his bald scalp and disappeared down the back of his neck. It was his equivalent of letting his hair down, she supposed, now that they were in the comfort of his sanctum. Annabelle caught herself wondering if the whole rest of his body was darkly veined like that... and surprised herself by some small curious bit of her wanting to see his torso without the black hoodie.

“So, um...” she said, trying to break the awkward tension.

“So...” Jasper said at the same time.

They laughed. Tension broke.

“So... feeding?” Annabelle asked. She wasn't so nervous as to want to back out on her offer to help Jasper.

“Right.” Jasper licked his fangs as he collected his thoughts again. Back on track. He leaned forward so that his elbows rested on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him. “Are you're still sure you want to do this?”

“I am,” she said with a nod.

Jasper nodded back. “Okay. So, here's how I want it to go. Just... going to lay out a plan here. I'm only going to take enough from you tonight to keep me going for a little while. I don't think that this should be a reoccurring thing between the two of us.”

Annabelle nodded, agreeing and following along.

“I'm not so hungry yet that I'm about to frenzy like I did before,” Jasper continued, “but I don't want it to get to that point, and I know that you don't either, so that's why I'm agreeing to do this, just this once.”

Annabelle nodded again.

He had been looking at her, but his gaze moved down and away. “I don't think that the others need to know about this.”

“Oh, no. No, I agree.”

He looked at her again, sharply. “Ever.” There was a note of warning in his voice now. “We'll never hear the end of it if they do find out.”

“No, I totally agree. I won't tell anyone. I promise.”

Jasper nodded. “And... if you want... you can count me as owing you a favour afterwards. A boon.” He made air quotes around the word 'boon.'

Annabelle's first instinct was to deny him that. “Oh no, I'm not doing this for-”

“Actually, I insist,” Jasper cut her off. “I owe you one. This is... kind of a big deal. Kindred usually don't take feeding from other Kindred lightly.”

Annabelle nodded. “Okay,” she said softly.

Jasper nodded as well, satisfied. “Take off your jacket, please.”

“Um... okay,” Annabelle stripped off her red leather jacket and lay it over the back of her chair. She was wearing a grey T-shirt underneath with an Anime character printed on it. She was still a little nervous, but now it was a little more excited than fearful. She wondered where this excitement came from.

She could see Jasper considering her body in a way she had never seen him look at her before. His eyes drifted over her neck very, very briefly and settled on her hands. He reached one hand for hers. “May I?” His voice was soft. He was nervous too. He wasn't used to getting permission, or having it given.

“Yes,” Annabelle said, steadying her courage. She offered Jasper her hand. He took it and turned it over to expose her wrist. His fingers were long, pale and cold. He looked into her eyes, one last time, one last chance to back out, but she wasn't going to.

Jasper moved. Without letting go of her wrist and hand, he slid off his chair and down onto one knee on the floor in front of her. He was so tall, his limbs so long, that this was a more comfortable height for him to do this from without her having to move from her chair. It was a submissive gesture she wasn't expecting. He exposed his fangs, his terrifying long, gleaming, dangerous canines and with a tenderness that surprised her, sunk them into her wrist.

She gasped at the sudden pain of it and resisted the instinct to pull her hand back. His grip on her hand wasn't at all strong. He was just using one hand to lightly steady her wrist against his mouth. She could pull away at any time if she wanted to end this early.

She gasped again when the pleasure hit a half a second later. Oh, she wasn't expecting that either, not at all. A kind of ecstasy began to cloud her brain. It reminded her oddly of sexual pleasure, of her first time in bed with Elleanor or Mark, but at the same time not quite the same at all. She had a sudden sensational memory, one she had heavily suppressed until now, of an entirely different set of fangs entering her throat and the smell of well-worn black leather. She could feel her Vitae moving down her arm and into Jasper. Her Beast squirmed in her chest. She could feel something delicious and eager coiling down deep inside her lower belly. If her heart could still beat, it would have been hammering away like a rail road piston going full steam. She wondered if his heart would be doing the same if it could, and decided that yes, yes it would be.

In the haze, she managed to notice a few things about Jasper. His eyes were tightly closed while he fed from her, and his free hand, the one not holding hers to his mouth, was clenched in a tense fist. It was as if he were holding an invisible leash, and whatever was at the other end of that leash was straining against it with all its might. She could feel Jasper's lips, his tongue, his fangs and the rest of his teeth on her, violent and a little disgusting but at the same time, so, so gentle.

She realised suddenly that he was holding back with every ounce of his being. He could bite down harder, she could tell he wanted to, but he was resisting. It was intimate and much more... loving than she imagined. She concluded that none of this was how she pictured it would go. She had a sudden urge to touch him, maybe to caress his head, but her other hand was clinging tightly to the arm of the chair and by the time she wrenched her fingers free, Jasper had let her go. What had seemed to last for ten or fifteen minutes was really only a few seconds.

She felt him run his tongue one last time over the wound he had made to seal it closed and he released her arm. She withdrew it slowly back to her chest, staring at him. She was breathing hard, a left over human reaction to the extreme stimulus she just went through. She felt dizzy and light headed and she was glad they had done this with her sitting down, or she feared she may have swooned like some Victorian lady in a too-tight corset. Her hand trembled, just a little.

Jasper was perfectly motionless for a moment, still on one knee, staring up at her. She could see a faint line of red on his lower lip, which he quickly licked away. He seemed to realise the pose he was in, and lowered his other knee and leaned back so he was still on the ground, but a little further away. He didn't want to be further away from her though. He had been expecting this, and was fighting it back. Both he and his Beast wanted to be closer to her, to be consuming her still. Instead, he was giving her space to recover. He watched her, and waited.

“That was..” she panted. She took another moment to collect herself. “That was good,” she exhaled.  “I didn't know it would... feel like that.”

Jasper gave a tiny, humble shrug. “There's a reason why most vampire victims stop fighting once they're bitten.” He cocked his head a tiny bit to the side, still watching her, unblinking. “Did you never notice?” Annabelle would have found it creepy before, but now she found it oddly... adorable.

“Yeah, but... wow...”

Jasper made a small sound of amusement. He smirked a tiny bit. “You'll be dizzy, maybe weak for a little while. I tried not to take too much, but... you should probably feed tonight also, if you can.”

Annabelle nodded. “How do you feel?”

“I feel better.”

He certainly looked better, Annabelle thought. A lot better. She told him as such.

“You look better.”

“Thank you,” he said with feeling, “for letting me...” He gestured toward her.

“You're welcome.” She felt pleased inside, more than just the fading ecstasy, at having helped him. She remembered suddenly Tara saying she had felt that way too, but fought to push that out of her mind.

She must have frowned, because Jasper suddenly looked a little worried. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just... that was more... it wasn't like what I thought it would be.” Her eyes felt wet and she put a thumb to them to stop any tears before they began.

Jasper moved back onto his chair. “Well,” he said softly, putting a long, pale hand on her knee. He was suddenly more willing to touch her. She wondered if the blood had anything to do with it and knew it likely did.  She also noticed that she did not mind the touch, not in the slightest. “It's over now, Annabelle, and we don't have to ever do this again if you don't want to. Thank you again for tonight though.”

She put a hand on his. It was the one he had been sucking from such a short time ago. She smiled at him. “You're welcome,” she repeated. She hesitated, looking at their hands together. The cloud of pleasure had lifted now, but it left an invisible memory on her body and soul. She realised that she would probably not mind at all if they did this again. “Can I ask a weird question?”

Jasper chuckled. He hadn't pulled back from her touch yet and he was a little surprised at himself at that. He hadn't been quite like this with any of the other Kindred he had fed upon in the past. Maybe actually liking the person made all the difference. “Sure. Ask.”

“What do I taste like?” Annabelle asked shyly. Her nose wrinkled adorably. This was just this side of taboo, she knew, but she was so very curious.

Jasper smiled and she saw his fangs again. They were clean. She felt an odd little ache in her wrist. “Are you worried that you don't taste good?”

“No! No, I'm just... curious?”

“You taste good,” he assured her. He almost didn't want to admit it, but it was the truth.

“Better than a dog?”

He laughed out loud, fangs flashing. “Yes, Annabelle, better than a dog. Animals taste... nowhere near as good as other Kindred do.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “Feeding from you...” he shook his head. He didn't want to elaborate too much on how fucking good her Vitae had tasted, and it had been good. He couldn’t taste any of the terror he had on the others. Terror was delicious, but this was different. He didn't want to scare Annabelle and he was relieved that he hadn't, not really. She had been nervous and excited... in more ways than one.“I could taste your emotions.”

“Oh... you could?” Annabelle squeaked.

He nodded, amused by her reaction.

She put her hand to her mouth, drawing away from him for a moment. “Ah... no, that's cool,” she assured him. “I kind of enjoyed it, so...”

He was very well aware that she did. “Yeah.” He pulled his hand back.

Another little moment of awkwardness set in. “Well... what now?”

“You should probably go home,” Jasper advised. “Feed a little if you want. Don't go using any crazy powers tonight. Please understand, I'm not kicking you out, it's just...” he ran his tongue over his fangs and Annabelle was again finding herself surprised at how oddly aroused that made her feel. She tried to shake it off. It was probably just because the intimate moment they had shared was still so recent. At least, she hoped that was why. “It's just that I think you should have some 'you' time tonight,” Jasper concluded.

Annabelle nodded. “Yeah, okay. That sounds good.” She stood up slowly and yes, she was a little light headed. Jasper rose too, and put a hand on her shoulder to steady her. He held up her red jacket for her to slide her arms into, like a gentleman, and she did.

He walked her back to his front door. She didn't even look at the cage on the way past it this time. She was only watching him. At the threshold, they paused.

“See you tomorrow night?” she asked.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow night. And remember... this is just between us, right?”

“Yeah,” she agreed.

In a stupid rom-com, she realised, this would be a moment for a kiss.

Instead, she pushed the door open. Jasper lingered back in the shadows, but she could see him give her a wave when she looked back. She waved back and made sure the door was closed securely behind her.

She realised she had a text from Victor asking if all was well with her and Jasper. She bit her lower lip in a sudden urge to laugh out loud. She confirmed that she was fine, that Jasper was fine, and they'll see him tomorrow. Then she went home.

[wardog-of-the-endless]

Wardog’s Fic Masterpost

You can find nearly all fics through my AO3 account, but here’s a list of links!

MARVEL

IronStrange- Tony Stark x Stephen Strange

Wishes (Better Left Ungranted)

General-  Tony makes a few wishes, but some are better left ungranted.

‘Till Then

Mature- Stephen Strange is trying to work at Kamar-Taj when his boyfriend texts him... from his Malibu bed. Stephen opens a portal to talk to him about it and they wind up, not really talking about it. ( Tony Stark Bingo Explicit Card A4 KINK: Masturbation)

The Theory of Magic (Series)

General- A get together series in which Stephen Strange has a crush and actually makes a movie. Stories are Complete but the Series is Ongoing, available for expansion via prompts when open.

Remind Me

Study and Practice

Burden of Proof

Absence Makes the Heart

Time Heals All (Series)

General- Stephen Strange and Tony Stark are married. A little Team Cap antagonistic. Part 3 is a little Dark!IronStrange.

What the Doctor Ordered

Cloak and Dagger

Break Rules (Not Oaths)

IronPanther- Tony Stark x T’Challa

Hot Chocolate

General- (Fluff and Flirting)- So a combination of a prompt and a ship. From jacarandabanyan "Hot Chocolate" and bash-it-all's "IronPanther".

WinterHawk- James Barnes x Clint Barton

Nesting On Knives (Series)

Teen- Tumblr Prompt: 1.“Would you ever write WinterHawk?<3″ . Birthday Fic + Tumblr Prompt: All Avengers, clock, poking (+ Tony Stark) 1. Well-Armed (To Hold) 2. A Meddling Affection

WinterIron- James Barnes x Tony Stark

Children of Light

General to Teen- Slowbuild to WinterIron. Deals with the Death of JARVIS, the first activation of FRIDAY, and JARVIS’s eventual resurrection. (Note that J is the “Major Character Death” referenced.) This is angsty because I have FEELINGS about the loss of JARVIS and the fact that we never mourned him in MCU. Stories and Series ongoing.

Son of Stark

To Lose a Child

A Child’s Initiative

I Will Always Find You

General- Tony as Snow White, Bucky as Prince Charming in an AU snippet of OUAT.

Collision With a Dream

General- Bucky's walking along arguing about Russian Lit when he literally runs over his dream guy. Tasha does what she usually does, she makes it worse. That's alright, Tony's apparently the forgiving sort.

(You Wanna) Date My Dad

General- Featuring Harley Keener! "Would you ever write a fic where Bucky meets Harley?"

To Cure a Hangover (You Need Espresso and a Date)

General- Prompt: "Would you ever write: WinterIron with age difference? Like teacher!Bucky with Student!Tony? :P"

I Was Promised a Flying Car

General- Prompt: Would you ever write a fic where Tony and Bucky is bonding over being nerds/loving science? (And doing all kinds of wacky, mythbuster-esque experiments that Tony whips up any time Bucky begins a sentence with "I wonder what would happen if...?")So it's not "science" driven, but science nerd Bucky did spend his last night before deployment at the Stark Expo, staring at a flying car...

Mechanics, Millionaires, Models & More

General- Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne are friends from childhood. When Tony as a single dad catches the eye of the model James Barnes, there’s some mutual Instagram-Stalking and a lot of flirting.

Tony’s First Friend

Coping for An Age

(Walk Walk) Fashion Baby

Milkshakes and Motorcycles

Teen- Bucky, second to the Captain for the Howling Commandos, hears a scuffle around the corner and finds himself with an armful of just about the prettiest little lost lamb he's ever seen. Since Tony don't seem too keen on his now-ex, Bucky's gonna buy him a milkshake, wrap him in a leather jacket, and hopefully show him a good time.

Coffee, Curses, Kisses

General- Tony Stark drags himself out of his workshop on a regular Thursday morning. Well, mostly a regular morning. Except for Clint Barton lying on the breakfast bar in themed underwear. The theme is new, the rest is depressingly familiar. Ok, so maybe the rose petals are new too. (What the hell, Clint?) It's enough to make a billionaire grateful for the Avengers Alarm. Wait a minute, magic too? Fuck, this is just not Tony's day. (Until it really, really is.) (This is a Fill for Tony Stark Bingo 2019 S4: FIRST KISS)

Riding Roughshod

Teen- The Heroic Captain America wakes up in a world that is integrated far beyond what he would have dreamed of when he went into the ice, though he never expected to be a part of it. A pioneer of mixed-race teams back in his own day, the last thing he expects is to be called upon to do so once again, this time gathering a group of heroes from some rather unlikely places. If that weren't enough to worry about, there's a wild-card Soldier with a familiar fighting style making trouble at top-security bases all over the world... and a shiny red and gold suit that doesn't seem to answer to anyone. That's to say nothing of the kid genius that's supposedly behind it. ( This is a Fill for Tony Stark Bingo 2019 R4: Centaurs / This is a Fill for Bucky Barnes Bingo 2019 K3: Tony Stark/ Iron Man)

Love Like Knives

Mature- Winter wakes up Tony when he wants someone to play rough with.This is a Bingo Fill for Bucky Barnes Bingo 2019- U4: [Image: Winter Soldier holding a knife.]

California Dreamin’ A Beach Bums Verse

Teen- Note: A Special Collaboration Series! This is a WinterIron get together with puns, angst, fluff and more! Note that some fics may include Losers crossover characters! Also make sure to read my partner maevee’s stories!

Don’t Tell (Secrets) -Losers Crossover Fic

(Everyday Is A) Winding Road - Losers Crossover Fic

Mai Tai (Offer You A Drink) 

When You Wish Upon A Stark -Maevee

We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Bucky -Maevee!

Adorato

Teen-James Barnes, the Winter Soldier, has been out of the ice and Hydra’s hands for a month the first time he hears a familiar voice. (A SoulMate AU)

True, Strong and Brave

Teen- Bucky Barnes moves into the tower and receives help from an otherwise elusive Iron Man. But when the team gets called out and things go wrong, Steve gets a reality check as to what has been done in his name. Bucky steps up, he's one of the few who can. (Team Cap Critical; Anti-Wanda)

Tired

General- From a Prompt on Tumblr: Random Sentence- “I’ll do it for you.”

(Were) Whisperer

Mature- In a world where Aliens rain destruction from portals through space, ancient Gods arrive on beams of light, and a certain Billionaire Philanthropist darts around the world in a metal suit: there really is a very high bar for what is considered "weird". Shapeshifters hardly register, having been long known. You’re either a Human, a Were, or a Whisperer. Most people can prove whether they’re the first or the second, a few will lie about being the third. Alternately, there's Tony. Tony Stark is one of the few people pretending the first and burying the third, and he’s more or less in the clear with it until Steve Rogers catches up with the Winter Soldier, and brings him home to Avengers Tower. Tony doesn’t have to say a word, the Wolf knows differently.

An Attraction

Jurassic World AU-  Write... a crossover/au of the last non-marvel movie you saw and marvel (if ships, winteriron?). Essentially Jurassic World & Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom Snippets with WinterIron. Originally Posted on Tumblr: Expansion Pack for AO3 Rolling Out Now!

Next Year Will Be Better

General- Just a quick story for Tony’s birthday. Pre-Slash Tony Stark/James Barnes, and Tony acting as IronDad to the Spider Son and his Potato Gun Son.

Let’s Go Dancing

General- This is a Marvel Universe-Center Stage Fusion AU that no one asked for and everyone is getting anyway. Tony dances for the American Ballet Company as their featured ballerino, performing under the name Antonio Carbonell. James and Steve are two of the ABC’s newest students, and James gets a chance to meet his crush on his first day. Just his luck, Tony is even better in person. (Natalia may have been setting them up all along.) This is a Fill for Tony Stark Bingo 2019- S1: Dancing

The B Team

Teen- Pepper Potts has had a long day that isn’t over yet, as Phil Coulson has just arrived on the doorstep of Tony’s Malibu Mansion to discuss Iron Man joining a new team. In most instances, it wouldn’t be enough to let him in the door, except he’s brought James Barnes along with him. Of course, he was probably expecting that James would be helping them talk business… But all the Soldier seems to want to do is get busy. (WinterIronWeek Day1/ TSB S2: [Image: Tony Stark working on IM in Workshop]) 

Done

General- Tony has just started prep work to remove the old arm and install the new one he's built, and already James is impatient. Or maybe he just wants to needle his boyfriend a little? Tony gets pretty cute when he's annoyed. (WinterIronWeek Day 2)

A Second Take, A First Impression

General- A drunk Tony Stark meets his Soulmate at a college party, but James is a gentleman (and Rhodey is scary) so nothing can happen until they’re sober. Tony wakes up at an ungodly hour of the morning, confused at his current predicament, and meets his (very attractive, very shirtless) Soulmate all over again. (He wishes he could forget all of this.) (WinterIronWeek Day 3)

Hunting For (You)

General- The Soldier has cleared the last of his required therapies, been gifted a new arm, and turned loose. The first thing he wants is to show Tony, up close and personal. Of course, there's a certain winged pest that is going to interrupt. (WinterIronWeek Day5)

WinterWidow/RussianRoulette- James Barnes x Natasha Romanova

No Fics Currently

Stony- Steve Rogers x Tony Stark

A Guardian of Light

Teen- a.k.a. that time Steve sank the Valkyrie in the Arctic and became a spirit-walking wolf to guide Tony, at Frigga’s suggestion.

Shield Studios Ltd.

General Audiences- All the Avengers in a non-powered voice-acting AU for an animated show called "Assemble" staring their Marvel counterparts. Tony/Steve have a mutual admiration/crush but it's not actually romantic and can be read as gen.

Assemble!

Phil’s Failed Plan

You’re Welcome to Try

The Vague & The Unmistakable

General Audiences- Looking back on it, there are several things that should have tipped Steve off that today was his Birthday. (Starting with the fact that it's suddenly clear Tony engineered every one of them.)

Stucky- Steve Rogers x James Barnes

No Fics Currently

Stuckony- Steve Rogers x James Barnes x Tony Stark

On The Wing

Teen- A Wing AU for Stuckony. Stories are Complete but the Series is Ongoing, available for expansion via prompts when open.

Fluttering

Turtledove

(I’ll) Be Good

Mature- So when the tumblr prompt "Would you ever write...ABO winterironshield with alpha Tony?" meets my Kink Card S2 Square "Alpha/Beta/Omega Society" this is where we end up.

Allergic to Coddling

From the Prompt: "Would you ever write Tony Stark having an allergic reaction to something and the rest of the Avengers babying him to the point of ridiculousness because they just love him so much?" Sort of Stuckony, sort of Everyone is Poly Because Avengers? Your choice.

Poly Avengers- Everyone Loves Everyone

Everybody Loves Me

From the Prompt: "Would you ever write a TonyXEveyone fic? Not exactly everyoneXeveryone, but everyone *in love* with Tony only?" Note this is a Partial Fill which may be expanded on later. Featuring Tales of Suspense Hawkeye/Comic Clint Barton, aka deaf and a dumpster kid until the end.

Non Romantic- No Shipping

Shut UP, Bucky!

Teen-  From the hellscape of Discord Discussions I bring you: QueenWuppy: "During World War II condoms were not only distributed to male U.S. military members, but enlisted men were also subject to significant contraception propaganda in the form of films, posters, and lectures. A number of slogans were coined by the military, with one film exhorting "Don't forget — put it on before you put it in." "guys i was doing research and and steve and bucky were subjected to this". AKA Bucky makes SO MANY COMMENTS about Super Soldier Sized Protection. So many.

The Most Powerful (Pillowfight)

General-  In which Carol and Tony (aggressively) support each other and then do battle (with pillows) for their honor. Or each other's honor? It's unclear, things got out of control. (James Rhodes loves these idiots way too much.) (This is a fill for the TSB 2019 Square: T2: A BATTLE/FIGHT/CONFRONTATION)

We Can’t Plot Murder All The Time

General Audiences- From the Prompt: "Would you ever write Deadpool/Tony (IronPool? DeadMan? IronDead? Dunno their ship name :b)" AN: I don’t ship them so this is a non-romantic.

The Losers

A Touch of Grace

Gen to Teen- Cougar has a bad feeling right before the Fadhil operation, and he admonishes Jake to be careful. Jake mostly pays attention, but Cougs is pretty distracting. (Slight D/s tones and Subspace.)

If I Touch You, Will You Listen? (Cougar’s POV)

If I Listen, Will You Touch Me? (Jensen’s POV)

Tag (You’re It)

Teen-  Jake hacks a new system for the express purpose of getting the Losers prank dog tags printed and delivered. Mostly because his Unit is full of people that make bad decisions, himself included. And also? To flirt with Cougar. Jake is willing to do stupid, stupid things in order to flirt with Cougar.

You And Tequila (Make Me Crazy)

Teen (and Up)- Fortalvarez Tequila is a family business that's been in operation for a hundred and fifty years. Currently, under the management of the family matriarch Constanza, the business will soon be passed to her beloved grandson Carlos. The problem is, Constanza does not care for modern technology or the fact that all of her grandbabies (but especially her favorite) are single. Her solution is a single advertisement for a new Social Media Expert, which is about to be answered by the very handsome (and rather impulsive) Jake Jensen. 

[thedappleddragon]

ok time for 2 days worth of journaling

yesterday I discovered that if I take half of a mini bagel (because the store was out of bagel things), put on cream cheese and a slice of salami, you can make a pretty good bagel bite. I talked with my dad for a while about college things when he came home from work and brought groceries. I also made a frozen chicken Laredo pasta thing for dinner and ended up sharing it with my mom. dad and I shared ideas for what to add to it next time to make it better. I started with chopping up spinach, because I know it shrinks a bunch and is easy to hide in stuff. I want to try adding a little salt, maybe some garlic and onion, parmesan cheese, more greens, a bunch of stuff. idk. I like pretending to be a chef. but I talked with my ad about what kind of stuff I'll need for college, and how I'll probably need to buy real clothes and makeup so I dont look like a goblin who’s been existing solely in basketball shorts and pajama pants for the past year in quarantine.that;s why I made that post last night about fun girly sleepover or simple-ass makeup tutorial. I tried washing my face with an Olay soap bar, and it left my skin feeling nice but idk how good/bad it actually is for your face since its meant to be a body bar. I real online that a plain dove bar is actually pretty damn good for your face, but Olay was the only thing I had on hand. whatever. i played a bunch of stardew valley as well

I slept like shit last night, waking up at like 4 am and all mr dreams being shades of muted grey and brown and broken up into blocks, idk. I've been having weird abstract dreams and sleeping like shit for the past couple days. I think that's partially what cause my head to spin all afternoon. whenever I moved my head, it felt like my ghost was lagging behind my body if that makes sense. it sucked but got better when I moved around. I had my dad bring me water and Tylenol and then come back a second time to light my candle because he smelled like cigarettes and left the smell in my room. but I realized it was April fools day when I woke up, and contemplated how I was gonna prank my friends. I didnt come up with anything until my sister sent a picture of a crashed white Volvo, saying she failed her driving test. when my mom showed me I didnt believe her for a second, and folded over laughing when my mom was concerned about if it was real or not. I stole that joke and showed it to my 2 friend groups, with panicked misspelled texts to go with it for *authenticity* lmao. both groups fell for it at first, but band friends taking longer to catch on so I had to tell them it was a prank. my gamer friend in the other chat caught me almost IMMEDIATLY with reverse google image searching. but I laughed my ass off for a while either way. I didnt play any stardew today but I did play a little Webkinz. when my sister came back from her driving test, my dad brought home Dairy Queen blizzards and mentioned getting a nice-is dinner takeout :) unfortunately I waited forever for him to bring home food and it never happened. so my sister and I went through the mcdonalds drive through and got served by this absolutely DELIGHTFUL middle aged man who was very nice and funny and I told him she just got her license today. we went home and ate in my sisters room and watched John mulaney’s new in town. I had never actually watched the full special, but through Tumblr memes and a million animatics, I had pretty much seen everything. I had fun tho. we got regular chicken sandwiches when we porobably should have gotten the deluxe ones with lettuce and tomato and source or just gone to Wendy’s. tbh Wendy’s is SO MUCH FUCNKIN BETTER. and the mcdonalds was more expensive than I thought it would be. whatever. if we had gone to Wendy’s, sure we would have gotten better burgers, but we wouldn't have seen that deightful man. anyway earlier today I gave my cat some catnip and she was really cute about it. do cats drool more when they’re high? cuz damn it sure felt like it when she was mashing her face into my hand.  for lunch I made a different pasta thing, this time shrimp lomeign. I added spinach and broccoli, which I'm going to do for now and forever because it SLAPPED but my mom was acting like a child, saying broccoli is gross. she had me make spaghetti and proceeded to eat 3 or 4 bowls. I had a couple and went to my room. I realize that I'm typing all this shit WAYYYYY out of order, sorry to me reading back in the future or anyone who bothers to read these. tbh why would you. I hope people dont have my talk tag blocked (thanks for coming to my ted talk) and instead have 2021 daily blocked if they dont want to see these. I still make funny posts sometimes!! that’s also what I tag my art with!! but neither of those people would be able to read this anyway so I'm just preaching to the choir. anyway you’ll be happy to know that my head is no longer spinning, my teeth are nice and clean, I've got my comfy socks and pajama pants on, and I’m ready for bed. eventually. it’s not even midnight yet lmao. I guess I can mention this morning when my cat yelled at me asking to go outside, but it was literally FREEZING and im 100% sure I saw some snowflakes while I was out there for a couple minutes. she got so cold she climbed up on my lap as I was wrapped in my childhood sleeping bag I found in the laundry room. I breathed warm air on her and sat out there for another minute or so, mostly insulated by the sleeping bag, but carried her inside eventually. I didnt want to have to deal with that shit. tbh even tho I just had mcdonalds and it’s almost midnight and I've already brushed my teeth, I'm still a little bit hungry. but I dont know it’s that’s just because I'm lying down and your body takes a little while to tell you when you’re full, or if it’s because I waited for SO LONG waiting for city barbecue or bento cafe that just a burger and fries wasn't enough to cut it. well I'll just sleep it off anyway. you know what’s really cute? my cat laid on my lap and rested her chin on my hand as I typed :) I love her

[decodervon]

disregard the last post.

i made that with a lot of anger and frustration. weve talked a lot since then and I'm... not that angry anymore. I probably shouldn't even be talking with you, but i hate how much it helped.

i hate curiosity. i always scolded you and warned you about looking for things you might not want to find and i did it. i found something i didn't want to find.

i found out you were casually dating again.

and of course you are. i mean. we "broke up" in September. it's been months. theres no reason to feel shameful or bad. I cant fault you and I cant be mad at you. and I'm still mad about some stuff, but that's not one of them.

this one hurts though. i knew i would feel like this, but i hate how much my mind keeps REMINDING ME. I'll be trying to sleep and my mind is like, "u kno she seeing someone right. they prolly banging. its prolly way better then ur tired ass sex. doesnt have to say weird fetish shit." and its LIKE. OK. I GET IT. STOP. STOP REPEATING OVER AND OVER. DONT WAKE ME UP TO REMIND ME.

i heard about it after I went snooping about your party. people said their was distinct body language and he seems to have a very outgoing personality and seemed really nice. it sounds like exactly what you need and IT KILLS ME.

I HATE I went snooping. OF COURSE this is what i get. we've talked since then and i know you feel confused and scared. best thing I could actually do for you is leave you alone and let you have a real chance at it. maybe it's a rebound. but so were we. my evil, manipulative side knows that you still feel emotionally connected to me due to calling me about Vday stuff. my pragmatic side wants to sort out a deal where i exchange emotional support for physical intimacy because I know we both want those things and know the other can give them. i can listen and talk and care about your problems and you could do whatever weird, gross, aggressive sexual stuff and not judge me (I think.) but my less evil/neutral sides know that that would throw a wrench in both our things and the best thing I can do is stay away.

that being said... I dont want to. it's like doing coke or something. like yeah, it's bad. but like. if no one knows... then maybe it's not THAT bad. like it would detrimental to us if we got together and we argued and fought. that would be unhealthy. but just... secreting away and being physical and keeping it hot and fast.. ugh. I mean. its sorta like all those fantasies you helped me with. except we wouldn't be pretending.

ugh. prolly makes me a horrible person. prolly makes US. I know you kind of want to do the same thing. I tried to cool suggest it, but you're probably conflicted about it too. I want you to just... show up late one night. some random text at like... 11pm being like, "I'm outside. should I leave?" and then I mull it over and invite you in quietly. you're wearing something impossibly hot like you do. we hug and I can tell you want to feel my body because it's been so long. we go back to my room and talk awkwardly for a few minutes. we both mention how you shouldnt be here sheepishly while ignoring the fact neither of us are protesting it very hard. you slide off your coat, looking me in the eye the whole time. that longing, sad look. that look that makes it impossible not to kiss you. I pull away after a minute and say, "this is wrong. we shouldnt be doing this." and you lean in close to my ear and whisper "hes not you." and I instinctually press my body against yours. you nuzzle into my neck as you slide your hands under my shirt, around my waist and up my back. I put my hands on your waist and take a deep breath of the smell of your hair. I say, "i dont want to hurt anyone" you said "I dont care." or more likely "no one has to know"... we appreciate each others bodies like we always should have. I go over every inch of you, knowing I might not see it again. you go over those inches of me like they're an old friend you're excited to see. you say all the terrible things I want you to say and I hurt you like you liked to be hurt. we go on for an hour. i want you to stay but i cant ask. my willpower drained with my stress. you fix yourself and disappear like an uninvited vampire. i cry. a lot. i hold myself and wish it was you. the lifetime of memories creeping back onto me. I hate myself for what I've done, but desperately try and inhale your fading scent still lingering in my bed.

ugh. I'm probably gonna end up writing something hot and complete after sharing that. I hate that I want that so bad. but I shouldnt. I have more to lose in this than you do.

you would hate me if you knew what I had been up to since. one of the other reasons I cant judge you for moving on. I've talked and reached out to many people you arent a fan of. not to spite you, but because those people knew me in intimate ways I can trust. I gained insight from talking to them and meeting with them. but that's not what I'm referring to.

im... also.. casually dating someone. it's still all pretty fledgling, as I am WAY too delicate to dedicate myself to anyone. but its... it's someone you know. some things had been happening that neither of us knew about.. and I dont want to tell you because I feel like I'd be cursing you with the same curse that I have. imaging you with that person, not being able to stop... but I know the curiosity is almost as killer for you. its.. a hard thing to figure out morally. but I dont want to jeopardize it. its... it's a once in a lifetime chance. they care about me.. legitimately. and probably more than they should with how emotionally volatile I am right now. but they dont really know how.. I am. part of me is a sweet, great guy. but another part of me is the type to want to have that night I wrote about. a secret trust where we exhaust each other physical and say all the sick things we want, knowing that the other wont judge them. (hell, anything is better than arguing)

I want to be physically wanted... but I want to be wanted by you. I loved when you would love my body. cause like... in my head, when people say things about loving me, I always diffuse it "oh she just thinks she loves me like that" "oh shes convinced herself she likes that about me" "oh she thinks that's cute now, but give it time..." and its just... innate to my awful self esteem. but body stuff? making out with me? going down on me? holding, examining and loving.. parts of me? it feels so much... truer to me. like someone couldnt lie about that. I know thats... naive to think. but that's how it feels. no one who doesnt like you is gonna put their dick in their mouth. bottom line. or go along with your fantasies that you yourself think are strange to be attracted to. i wanted you to want me so bad. i wanted you to love my body and tell me youd been thinking about it. it's such a direct link to my heart.. ugh. but that.. stuff got all messed up. I think that's what made me fall in love in the first year. you cherished my body. you worshipped it. you wanted to sherk your duties to have more of it and I was totally enthralled. that first year made me stay for so long and through so much. always chasing that high. that time where my body was all you wanted and all i wanted was your heart. and it all got so... nevermind.

the person I'm dating.. we're talking it very slow. ive.. kissed her. in fact, your vday call interrupted that kiss. can you believe that timing? thanks universe. if you're trying to say we should get back together, maybe dont kill a beautiful innocent cat next time. I was mad you wanted me to support you through death.. after you abandoned me when I needed your support so bad. I'm still kinda mad. but whatever. this isnt a mad post.

i.. its. shes.. she lets me talk about you. she knows you. maybe better than I did. its hard.. shes not experienced with.. our type of relationship so much. I try not to put much on her. for the reasons of not wanting to overburden her and to keep from forming an instant bond. I know I still have these raw, visceral feelings for you and I dont want to hurt someone I care about because of them. I dont know how you know your new guy, but my guess is: not very well. maybe it's a tinder date. maybe it's a friend of a friend. but if I had to make an educated guess, it's someone far removed who is just.. treating you well. like how you want to be treated. kind of a nobody, but that's a good thing. like if things kept being nice, cool. if they didnt work, whatever. something noncommittal. something lowkey. something you didnt have to /worry/ about. which is all... smart. but I also know that if you felt like you wanted to drive that shit into a wall, you wouldnt lose a lot of sleep over it. and you considering the tryst.. well. yeah. speaks to that effect. i... I wonder if I should have even suggested its because I can't drive my thing into a wall. its... I cant. youd understand if you knew.

theres probably only one person in your mind you would legitimately fear me dating if you sat down and thought about it. someone that wasn't just someone you didnt want me dating. not like Kayla or Grace where it would just... bug you. I mean deeper. someone that you couldnt wrest me away from. someone that your charms would fall flat because of. I'm talking Caitlyn levels of dedicated affection. and as I said, I dont want to jump in. I know how easily i fall in love. I'm taking this slow. developing a foundation. trying to figure myself. wanting someone to treat me well and watch anime and cartoons with while being warm and laughing. someone to affectionately take care of me. someone who wanted to spend time with me.. someone who's house i could come over to in the daylight.. someone who's friends were excited for her and not judgemental of her..

I get why you're dating. I'm doing the same thing for the same reasons. i need this. you need this. i wanted you to treat me these ways but i couldnt keep.. telling you how to treat me after so many years. you could write a book on me. I STILL know how to take care of you and I mostly figured it out after years. I wanted to see you try and figure me out. you didnt have to be right. I just wanted you to try. I left a breadcrumb on my IG for this story, but I never know when or if you'll ever read these. I always want to hear your feelings too. I wish you wrote like this. I wish I had a direct line to your thoughts like back in the day when you wrote. it always helped. I still check your tumblr from time to time. like the idiot I am.

ugh. like the absolute idiot I am.

(ps. I watch that last video we made like every day.)

[cryogenicmango]

Coming out

Okay so recently the one thing on my mind has been my sexuality. It’s because it was such a hard thing for me to wrap my head around. Like I explained before my family is incredibly religious so coming out as bi isn’t something that I can see myself do. It’s not something that I feel capable of doing. But I need to come out to someone. I need to tell someone that I’m bi. But I just didn’t know who to tell. I can’t just text my friends at like 7pm and just go “Hey so im bi.... do we have homework?” It’s kind of the same example that I gave with my parents but really thats just not something I can do. I don’t know how they’ll react to me being open about it although I doubt they’ll take it badly. One of my friends is bi as well so I don’t really think that he’ll take it badly. I just don’t feel like telling. It’s just that it feels like I’m losing myself. I didn’t know that I was bi. For the longest time I just tought that I was plain straight. Because yeah. And the whole admitting to myself that I was bi was so extremely difficult. I talked to myself (because yes I do that) for three days before I admitted that I was bi. I know that it seems like a short amount of time. And it is. I know that there are people out there that sat on stuff like this for years and years and years before they were ready to admit it to themselves. But see I’m not them. I never thought that being LGBT+ was a bad thing. Never. So for me it’s not something that’s incredibly important. Well at least the whole being part of the community isn’t something that I thought was bad. It’s just a part of life you know. It’s normal. So being in the LGBT+ community isn’t something that I thought I needed to sit on for a long time. I just needed to admit to myself that I liked girls the same way that I liked guys. And that’s what was hard for me. I knew that it was like that. I knew it already. But I had to admit to it now. I had to say it. Even if it was just saying it out loud to myself. And I eventually did. After telling myself that I’d always been like that. After realising that I’d always been this way. 

To change a part of myself like that was hard enough but I needed to tell someone. I just did. I felt like I was losing myself. It felt as if I wasn’t me anymore. I looked at myself in the mirror and I just wondered if I fit in. Was I ready to be part of the community? I don’t know. I really don’t know. It felt as if I was looking at everything from the eyes of another person. I just couldn’t believe it. I almost didn’t want to believe it to be completely honnest. I never saw myself being part of the community. Sure I’ve always been an ally and I’ve always taken personnally any rude or insensitive comments about anyone in the community because I’m just like that but I never saw myself becoming part of it one day. It’s like I was allowing myself to look at girls the same way that I look at guys. I needed to know that I was still me. That I’m still the same person that I’ve always been. That just me being bi doesn’t change anything. I just needed to know that I wasn’t changing. I figured that I wasn’t ready to have my friends image of me change. I wasn’t ready for that and I don’t know when I’ll be ready for that. So I turned to the only person that I could talk to about this. It’s one of my friends that lives very far away from me. We used to talk a lot online and we still do just less so than before and I think I talked about him in my online friends posts. Pretty sure I talked a lot because he’s very important to me. In any case, he lives far away and in the society that I’m originally from. I had no idea how he would react. I just didn’t know. Would he care? Would he think that it’s weird? Would he think that I’ve changed? Would he still want to be friends with me? I didn’t know. So I opened up to him like I’ve done on many other occasions for other things and I told him. I wrote the message but hovered over the send button for a long time. I didn’t know if I was ready for his judgement. But I did it. And I told him. Basically I came out for the first time and it was horrible. I was so afraid of what he would say that I was shaking. I was so close to crying and I still am and I was so afraid. He didn’t care by the way. He just went “That’s awesome” and told me that almost all his friends are LGBT+. He didn’t mind it. He didn’t think it was weird. He didn’t think differently of me and that’s really what I needed. I needed to be told that this was really my life that I was living and not someone else’s. I needed to be reassured that I was still me and that nothing had changed. Because I didn’t know myself if that was the case. 

I came out for the first time in my life. I was so afraid. I was terrified. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry it all away. I didn’t know if I was still me. I didn’t know if it was still my life I was living. It felt as if someone else had taken control and was living my life. It was the most terrifiying thing that I’ve ever experienced. But I know now, after having talked to my friend and after having been reassured that I’m still the same person that I’ve always been, that I’m still me. I’m still this insanely hyper person that is incredibly stubborn, that has held grudges for 10 years, that has been dreaming of her future career for over 10 years, that loves her little sister, that can be serious at times, that is very emotional and empathic, that loves to write and to read, that is an absolute otaku, that is a fangirl through and through, that loves her friends to the end of the earth, that loves to learn, that loves to cook, that loves volleyball (even though I’m pretty mediocre at it), that spends way too much time online rather than doing homework, that is also slightly emo and that is so absolutely terrified of insects and spiders. I’m still me. After all of this, I’m still me. It still kind of feels surreal. It still kind of feels like someone else is controlling me. But that feeling is going to go away eventually. I will be able to admit to myself that it’s me that’s living this life and not someone else. I’m still the same person. I just know now that I’m also bi. I just acknowledge now that I like girls the same way I like guys. I just acknowledge a whole different part of myself. So yes I’m still me with all my flaws and all my qualities. But I’m also bi. I am everything that I’ve always been plus one.

[annieoftheshitposts]

this post used to be a link to the old canons page but i’m turning it into a text dump of the revised one for people on mobile [or who have bad wifi/computers that the fancy schmancy script on the canons page wouldn’t play well with.] theres a lot sorry not sorry. here we go.

Canon Info

 Much more is said about Annie in external sources than the game itself, here's copypastes of all I know of and go by.

From the 3rd DLC Character Voting page:

As popular figures in nationwide folktales, a children’s television adaptation of Annie and Sagan’s adventures was inevitable. The show’s success lies in its pair of live action hosts, who are as convincing as their cartoon counterparts. Though what the public learns about the real Annie might surprise them. Annie is a seasoned fighter who has been around for a long time, acquiring many skills and powers along the way. Her sword is forged from a meteorite and can channel the power of the stars in its sweeping cleaves. Her right eye bonds her to her Remote Parasite and partner, Sagan, who grants her powers of a galactic motif. While some of her abilities carry more of a sparkly magical girl motif, Annie tries to execute them with the same sternness.

From "The canon info thread" on Skullheart Encore forums:

-Annie is several-century-old. Her immortality was gained when her parents wished on the Skull Heart so that Annie would never have to experience the hardship of adulthood, thereby making her forever a child. -She has had many different weapons and abilities throughout her life. - Sagan, her remote parasite. keeps her right eye in his mouth. - She’s physically not able to swear due to her condition - She is familiar with Double due to her experience fighting Skullgirls - Annie has encountered a lot of Skullgirls and has killed a lot, but not the same a lot. She’s seen the cycle multiple times and seen how they become stronger each time and is looking for the underlying source now. - The Annie of the Stars show is very similar to the Super Mario Bros. Super Show with live action segments with cartoons and PSAs and commercials in between. - Sagan can talk. Somehow. - Annie hides her immortality by getting a new hairstyle every few years. The show tells the audience that they have simply changed the actress. Eliza also pulls a similar trick

and finally some other misc. scraps that weren't covered above:

-annie has some kind of "super" or "powered up" form, in which she seems to fuse with sagan. it can be seen on her

move concept sheet, in the end of robo-fortune's story mode, and as a very tiny feature on one of robo-fortune's merch posters, but to my knowlege it's never really been talked about.

-she's been depicted with an "incognito outfit", presumably for going out in public and not being recognized by fans.

-sagan is named after renowned astrophysicist carl sagan. this isnt really relevant to anything but it's not on the wiki so i figured i'd share :b

-and this random pic of annie in the past with a different look, plus gun and minus eyepatch, apparently official art from the "digital art compendium". i haven't seen the source for this one myself though, and count this one more as speculative canon since that ingame image up there with her eye uncovered doesn't show a scar or any kind of damage from this.

-another canon fact about annie is she is strong and brave and i love her.

Headcanon (Annie)

this is pretty disorganized bc i come up with and revise random shit on a fairly regular basis, but the very least it should be all here and up-to-date. [though on this text post version i may forget to keep it updated oops.

she can still only normally see from the one eye in her head [and likewise probably has terrible depth perception lmao], but she can “project” her vision into the one sagan has if need be, during which time both he and her main eye are blind.

even though sagan’s vision is his own and she doesn’t actively “see” through that eye most of the time, the stuff he sees still becomes part of her memory and she can recall it if need be, though it’s far less tangible and kind of a surreal experience trying to do so.

the space where her other eye was is now just...space. like empty starry void stuff. yes, TECHNICALLY, you could put stuff in it but why would you. sagan can feel when something interacts with it and it’s really just weird and uncomfortable for both of them.as sagan is the source of their powers, the strength of her abilities is slightly dependent on her distance from him. something like long sustained flight is really only capable if they’re touching, but she still has ample firepower and ability to zip around for a pretty good range otherwise.

Not interested in anime

absolutely hates being called her full name; hasn't gone by anything other than "Annie" for longer than anyone that should be alive today should know.

part of her curse of eternal youth is remembering everything up until the point it kicked in and she stopped aging [i.e. when she was Actually a kid] exactly as well as if she hadn’t aged.

from that point however, a lot of it is hazy as shit aside from more recent times [as you’d expect from someone who’s been around hundreds of years]. this one's gonna be angsty as shit when i address it and you can thank @sandstriker for that. fucker.

also hates being restrained. by the concept sheet and beo's story, her fighting style is very kinetic and relies heavily on mobility; take that away and you get one very uncomfortable and very angry starchild. [this one's 'cause of y'all with the handcuffs asks. this is part of why she's so agitated rn.]

what's in the pouch? whatever is alternatively convenient. is it snacks? is it a quick incognito disguise? is it her whole entire sword? who knows. i think it might be infinite hammerspace in there.

i haven't put much though into this side of her story yet, but i've decided part of the mythos of the "annie of the stars" character as a figure of legend is that she literally lives, among the stars.

if there's enough folktales about her to base an entire show off of, i'm willing to bet she used to be less elusive when she was just about fighting skullgirls before dedicating herself to the whole "looking for the underlying source" thing.

Headcanon (Sagan)

tl;dr: as far as things go here, he's essentially a cat and/or younger sibling.

Sagan's canon information and characterization is basically nonexistant, so i got to do pretty much whatever i wanted with him lmao.

simply put, he's a little gremlin of a partner, but he is genuinely good-natured and a happy-go-luckly little dude. mischevious, loves to get up to Shenanigans, go off and hide/disappear to fuck knows where for several hours, climb and sit on tall things[or failing that, annie's head], etc. @sawkinator has described him, regrettably accurately, as "the Token Disney Animal Sidekick". he has a lot of mannerisms like an animal, but is still very much a being of at least average human intelligence. he's also surprisingly indestructible. far from invincible of course, but in canon he's been shown to be quite stretchy and...possibly have minor shapeshifting capabilities?? he's pretty much immune to being squashed and feels very little [if any] pain from most things. really, as far as i can tell he's pretty much a weird sentient plushie. like, if it's not going to damage a plushie, it's not going to hurt him; examples being: getting knocked back really hard or falling a long way? not a problem. fire? problem.

Sagan tends to be somewhat nonverbal and generally only uses a few words or short phrase at a time when he does speak, which sounds something like the voice clip below. that being how it is, he can be kind of inscrutable and more than a bit jarring to most people--though at this point annie's been with him more than long enough to be completely desensitized to it and doesnt quite get why anyone would be perturbed. fortunately, with that familiarity also comes understanding, and she can easily "translate" and articulate more from his expressions. this understanding is a two-way street, and on its other side is sagan's sensitivity to her moods. annie's not particularly...communicative of her emotions, but sagan can always tell when she's having an off day or something's bothering her, and is far better than anyone at helping her feel better. all things said and quirky antics aside, he and annie are exceptionally close and fiercely protective of eachother the moment it comes to it. they don't make a big deal of showing it outwardly, but they know they've always got eachother's backs.

he's taken quite a liking to beowulf as well, and beo defintiely shamelessly enables sagan's shenanigans.

as i see it, annie may be the passion and power of their operation, but sagan is the heart and soul. beowulf is like....comic releif and emotional support. not entirely necessary, but certainly welcomed to have around. yeah. listen im a big sap i just want them all to be good friends ok. i love them.

also sagan does like and watch a lot of anime.

Blog Canon

miscellaneous happenings that either have continued relevance/significance, or y'all just won't let die. there's not a overarching plot to this thing at all, but geez we’ve kinda gathered some history here huh?

taught sagan to say fuck [and other swears, in her stead]. he used to have to do it on command but he's gotten really good at filling in for her.has a

stoat fursona that beo helped her make. she thinks it's neat/cute but has no real attachment to it.

attempted to sue the crystal gems for ripping off her entire shtick [it didn't go well]

beowulf also taught her how to dab.

@sparkeletran is a nuisance and must be stopped

the 70$ pile of high school musical merch. sagan and beo both wear the t-shirts sometimes. she hates it. don't let her attitude fool you though this is actually the best and most important ongoing joke in this whole damn thing.

the first handcuffs stint. they’re gone now but they had a good ~30-post run, and she did take to learning lockpicking because of it.

this.

hey. guess fucking what lads. handcuffs ROUND TWO 'cause y'all just don't fuckin' quit. the first mini story arc sorta thing, in which she visits the cirque des cartes and has an aggravting encounter with taliesin. [currently ongoing][hopefully soon ending]

[[redacted for ""spoilers""]] due to said encounter with taliesin

sparkeletran is a nuisance,

"the official annie of the stars instagram is just cat memes but with sagan" it's canon but i haven't decided whether it's something she would have had already or a recent thing. [either way, hasn't been touched on yet due to the arc taking so long]

badart annie is sorta like her own thing at this point but nothing that happens with her is canon; she p much just shows up for exceptionally dumb posts. we did give her noclip though which is terrifying. on that note i may as well include the things that are Not canon but y'all won't let me forget

beo's animated belt thing. look. it doesnt talk.

spray-on boots.

the lawnmower weapon

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh homestuck