#Also I don't think anyone noticed I wasn't really active the last few days because I still checked the activity (idk how else to say that

[the-mehlwurm]

PLEASE RECOMMEND ME MOVIES (OR SERIES, I DONT REALLY CARE) BECAUSE I WILL HAVE THE APARTMENT TO MYSELF FOR 2 DAYS SO I CAN WATCH ANYTHING I WANT IN THE LIVING ROOM. ILL BE ABLE TO WATCH TV, GET THIS, ON AN ACTUAL TV! BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO WATCH.

[balkanradfem]

As you might have figured out, I don't like buying stuff. I despise the store, the supermarket, the mall, to hell with them. I will make whatever I need from stuff I have at home, or I will find it outside, or get it from someone who doesn't need it anymore, my last ditch effort will be the second hand market.

But, it also happens that I had a need to buy.. a specific thing. And I couldn't get it from the second hand market, and I didn't know anyone who had an extra one. This of course, caused me pain and anguish, because it meant I would have to walk into a store, grab a product that wasn't strictly necessary for human survival, and then pay for it, and walk out. Like a consumer.

And it's not like my life depended on it, I just, really wanted one, okay.

I needed a silicone spatula.

One thing I hate even more than buying things, is throwing food away, and sometimes,,, I could not get the last drop of the soup from the big soup pot, I couldn't wrangle out the last few drops of salsa sauce I canned, I couldn't get every last bit of pancake mix to drip outside the bowl. That is another torment which I tried to resolve by excessive spoon scraping, shoving my tongue inside jars, trying to dilute it with water and getting it out that way. But deep inside I knew there was a better way. That this could be dealt with in an easy, efficient, satisfying way with a single valuable object. A spatula.

I didn't do it impulsively; I had gotten some excellent news and I decided, as a celebration, that I would buy myself a spatula. It would be one thing I do out of my ordinary life, because it was an extraordinary day and I had just so much happiness and courage I could just manage to buy an object.

I have examined multiple stores to see what they were offering, and in the end found the cheapest, but the most beautiful looking spatula (it had a transparent handle with little bubbles inside, so fun!) and I grabbed it in awe, thinking how it will be the most beautiful object in the kitchen. But then. My environment-loving brain warned me that I'm about to buy an object made out of silicone. And I didn't know if silicone was environmentally friendly!

So I grabbed my phone, typed in 'environmental impact of silicone production' and read articles obsessively, standing in the store in the spatula isle. I found out it is better than plastic, but not ideal; it's not actively damaging the environment, it comes from natural materials, it's very resistant to heat and unlikely to damage anyone's health, it doesn't shed microplastic, but it's energy-consuming to produce it and it doesn't degrade or compost once it's made.

It wasn't a good environmental choice for me to buy the spatula. I was staring at it longingly, thinking of all of the food I could save with it. All the jars I could scrape clean, all soup that would be eaten. And I came to the conclusion that if this is the only spatula I ever buy, if I never throw it away, if I find someone to give it to at the moment of my death, who would also use it – then it doesn't matter as much that it's non compostable. It will be a lifetime object that I will cherish. And the rush and excitement I had built up, I couldn't give it up. So filled with existential guilt and shame for single handledly ruining the environment, I purchased my 2 euro spatula.

And it was glorious. Every single day I would be filled with happiness and satisfaction from this object, which would clean bowls and jars and pots from food so efficiently I actually had less work washing them later! I was getting more food, nothing was getting thrown away, my food-efficient brain was with me; this was an excellent idea. I am powerful, I am not wasting any food anymore, I can clean my pots and bowls with ease, all of the pancake mix is out, the joy could not be greater.

And just then – my new roommate moved in. And I love my roommate, and I noticed she didn't have any dishes or cutlery, so I told her with open heart, she could use mine as much as she likes, and I'd lend her pots and pans too if she needed them. Of course I would, she's a hard-working woman from Nepal who is so kind and works so much every day.

But this lovely, wonderful, awe-inspiring woman, decided to... she decided to cook her food exclusively using the spatula. We have so many wooden spoons meant for cooking and stirring, without even looking I can tell you we have 8. An excessive amount. They are all displayed in a big jar where I keep my spoons, wooden spoons and spatula. But the woman decided, no, I will use the spatula to cook every meal. Maybe it's because it's new and shiny? Maybe it's what she uses at home? I don't know.

And after cooking, she simply discards the spatula at the bottom of the sink.. and leaves it there.

And then I come to the kitchen, and look for spatula, and realize it's dirty, and I'm unwilling to do other people's dishes because that has never gone well in the past, so I just. Leave it there. And then make pancakes and weep. Because what have I done. I don't have the heart to tell this kind, warm, hardworking woman to not use my spatula, because she has enough trouble already in life, and she must like the spatula if she uses it! I can't tell her to wash it every time immediately because I know she has to rush for work and I also fail to do my dishes consistently and just wash them on Saturdays. I would look like a hypocrite. I can't tell her I'm a weirdo obsessed with scraping food from everything I cook in because I don't want to freak her out. And ultimately, does it really matter that much? It's just a spatula. It's just a spatula.

So I am writing to merely share my pain, caused by odd tendencies, enhanced by intense struggle with consumerism, and finding out in the end, it didn't even matter. My beloved spatula is currently in the sink, drenched and sullied from not even scraping food, but from stirring it instead. I was so happy to use it for a little bit. May she rest in peace.

[tigergirltail]

TIGER HRT CHAPTER 4 - MONTH 3 - GROWING PAINS

First - Prev - Next

Everything hurts.

I started noticing it about two weeks after my first dose. It felt like a dull headache at first, but over the next month it spread to pretty much my entire body.

I had to start working from home, and eventually it got bad enough that I could only put in a few hours of work each day. My boss is a reasonable enough guy, but he wasn't going to pay a full time salary for part time hours, so I had to take a salary cut.

Luckily, my partner is around to take care of daily errands, not to mention being there to reassure and comfort me when the pain gets bad. They've been thinking about seeing if Lindwurm HRT is a thing, but they don't want to get the process started until I'm in the clear and can take care of myself again.

Gods I love them.

The reason the pain is happening, as best I can tell, is that my skeletal structure is already changing. I've gotten at least an inch taller, and my face has been reshaping into a feline muzzle. My teeth are getting sharper, and I'm developing proper fangs. I also noticed a little while ago that my fingernails and toenails had receded into their respective digits, which sucks for two reasons - I can't paint fingernails I don't have, and they are sore as HELL when I put any amount of pressure on them. I have to be REALLY careful with how I type to not inflict agony on myself. I'm also feeling my tail growing in, and even if it hurts, it's euphoric as HELL. A tail was always the part I wanted most out of this.

It's weird, the skeletal changes weren't supposed to happen this early. I've been trying to reach Dr. Erian about it, but he's constantly busy, probably because of the sudden surge of people looking for Humanity Removal Therapy.

Other than that, I've been getting areas of white and black fur coming in - mostly on my arms and legs, but a little bit on my face and ears - ears that are gradually reshaping and migrating. Nothing to report on hearing sensitivity, but I think my night vision is getting better.

I did a little bit of looking around for anyone with similar pain experiences. I got my hopes up when I found a girl, Antonina, who had a painful experience with Cat HRT, but it turns out it's because she took the rumoured Fifteen Minute version. She described the pain as "like bathing in an active volcano".

It leaves me wondering whether I would have preferred a 15-minute lava bath over a months-long full-body headache.

I ended up reaching out to her anyway, just because I wanted to know what I was in for in the endgame and feline HRT is rarer than I thought it would be. Sounds like the prey drive is the real deal - she keeps feeling the urge to bite this one girl who's on mouse HRT.

We've been spending some time comparing notes and getting to know each other. It's nice to know someone else who's going through this thing, even if our experiences aren't exactly one-to-one.

I also talked to my mother for the first time in nearly a year. I went No Contact with her a while back because she was only getting more obnoxious and combative about me being trans, but I figured changing my species is a big enough deal that I should keep her in the loop.

Besides, my savings had nearly dried up and I needed to ask her for money.

It… did not go well. She hadn't heard of therian HRT before, and once I explained it, she started panicking about how I'm "mutilating my body" with "untested treatments". I think I also heard her cry something about how her "son" is "killing himself", which is just multiple layers of insensitive.

At least she sent me some money. Hopefully it'll be enough to last until my transformation stops being agonizing and I can go back to work, and then I can go right back to pretending my family doesn't exist.

At roughly the three-month mark, I have a check-in video call with Dr. Erian. From the moment his face appears on screen, though, I can tell something is wrong. He seems… older, somehow.

"Hello, Miss Alexis.", he offers. He sounds tired. Sorrowful, even.

"Hey, doc." I have to ask about it. "Everything okay? You seem a bit tired."

"Nothing to worry about Miss Alexis, just the ordinary stresses of daily life."

Liar. I know I'm not entitled to details of your personal life, much less your professional secrets, but I know when something is eating at someone.

"…Does the word 'crossroads' mean anything to you, Miss Alexis?"

Huh? That came a bit out of left field. "I've… heard some other therian HRT patients use the term, but I don't know much of the details. Something about a point of no return?"

"Something of the sort." He lowers his head and seems to go from sorrowful to downright grim. "There will come a time, Miss Alexis, when you will have to make a very important decision in your care, and I ask that you do so with great consideration for the consequences."

I recoil a little in my seat. "Yeah… Of course I will. Any decision I make, even reaching out to you in the first place, I don't take it lightly."

"Good… That's good." His demeanor shifts back to his stoic, clinical self. I don't know what just happened, but he went somewhere for a moment there.

"Now then, I did receive your messages, I apologize for not getting back to you. You mentioned you were experiencing persistent and debilitating whole-body soreness?"

"Yeah. I can't even leave the apartment most days, it hurts so much."

"Odd… You are taking the treatment as directed, yes?"

"Of course. One tablespoon a week, just like it says on the bottle."

I see his eyes twitch behind his glasses. Did I say something wrong?

"…Teaspoon."

I cock my head to the side. "Say again?"

"You mean one TEASPOON a week, yes?"

I feel my heart sink. The dark smear on the dosage information… I could have sworn it said '1 tbsp/week'.

"…Could you hold on a second please?" I mute the mic and call out to my partner to bring the bottle of tiger HRT over. When they do, I unmute and hold it up to the webcam. I hear Dr. Erian take a sharp intake of breath as he notices the obscured instructions.

I set the bottle aside and the two of us share an awkward silence.

"So…", I begin. "…How bad is it?"

"The good news", he offers slowly, "is that you have only been taking three times the prescribed dose. An increased dose imbalances the growth rate of the different parts of your body, hence your pain and persistent weakness, but it could have been much worse."

I think back to the so-called Fifteen Minute version, and Antonina's description of it - like bathing in an active volcano.

Dr. Erian continues. "Assuming you return to a CORRECT dose, your growth rates will gradually level out over the course of the next month or so. It is my medical opinion that you should maintain a low-activity lifestyle until then, but you will eventually be able to return to your typical activity level, and you will also find that the physical effects become more… consistent."

"That's… reassuring. Thank you, doctor." I pause. Something I noticed a little while ago has been weighing on my mind. "There's one thing, though - do the treatments have… I guess you'd call them restorative or regenerative effects? I've noticed some old wounds aren't there anymore."

The doctor clicks his pen and brings up his notepad. "Interesting. Do go on, Miss Alexis."

"Well… I used to get lower back pain from a car crash injury I got a little over a year ago, but I haven't noticed it at all lately. Pretty much the only part that DOESN'T hurt… There also used to be some marks on my arm from a cat biting me when I was little." I give a slight smile. "The cat's name was Tiger, go figure."

Dr. Erian is writing the whole time I'm talking. "Yes, that is to be expected. Minor persistent injuries will fade over time as your body re-forms itself to a new baseline, even severe chronic symptoms may fade. If there are no other concerns…"

"Just one… Most of the other therian HRT patients I've talked to have gotten their meds as pills, so what's with the potion bottle?"

Dr. Erian pauses, and adjusts his glasses nervously, as if he's been caught out on something he doesn't want to admit to. "Well… advances in the field are occurring rapidly, and you are one of the more recent patients, so a more… streamlined option was available to you. I took the liberty of choosing the most compatible option based on your medical records, and that bottle is it."

"Okay… But what's IN it?"

"The active ingredients are antihominidone, which is your humanity-blocker, and a specialized formula of felistrogen, infused with white tiger genetic material. The rest of the fluid is a suspension used to dilute the effects, without which you would be looking at a short, but excruciating and potentially lethal process."

The Fifteen Minute version, I think to myself. I'm taking diluted Fifteen Minute meds. There's no WAY this isn't experimental, and I'M the experiment. I despise saying it, but maybe my mother was right to worry.

"But I'm afraid I really do have to go, Miss Alexis, my next appointment is waiting."

"G-gotcha. See ya, doctor."

---

Special thanks to @paintedbytosia for letting me write her in, and shoutout to @megamoonerjenny for coming up with 'antihominidone'

[lixenn]

OCtober 2024 day 23: community

@myrmyrtheorca one science girl coming right up! Anemone is also working hard, pipetting lots for qPCR 🫡 what a legend!

A yapping essay under the cut, I will talk science so you have been warned.

Now before I ramble about science I'm just gonna talk about the art for a bit. I did use a reference for this because I'm not insane and drawing the lineart with it was ... alright I would say. I actually looked through my own pictures and my uni website first in case I could find something as a ref but no dice so I needed to look it up anyways. I think the most difficult lineart to draw was the fucking pipettes... I need everyone to know that all the lab equipment (except maybe the blue regant holder) is a simplification of what it actually looks like because by god I could not replicate the real thing with my current skill set. I know most people will not give a fuck but I do so it needed to be said.

Otherwise colouring went okay and rendering wasn't extremely tedious. I noticed that I actually really like rendering blond hair, years ago I found this hack where you use red for the shadows and turn the opacity down and it works so well every time, I'm a bit obsessed tbh. I need to give more of my OCs blond hair lmao.

Okay enough about art let's talk science! Honestly this is really just me explaining science stuff, so feel free to skip because this can get long.

As I mentioned above I drew Anemone doing qPCR and I chose qPCR because her focus is genetic research. So basically she looks into the human genome (entire set of human genes) to see how it correlates to the Pallid Flame.

qPCR stands for quantitative polymerase chain reaction or real time polymerase chain reaction (RTpcr) and it's a valuable tool for analysing stuff down to genetic aka DNA level. You might have learnt about PCR in school but if not or if you've forgotten: PCR is the amplification of a specific gene aka you take one specific part of someone's DNA and replicate it a bunch of times. This is useful if you want to proof if a specific gene is present in the DNA you are analysing. Now qPCR also does the DNA amplification but as it already implies with the name it also counts how much the gene was amplified. You can use qPCR in many applications for example I used this method in my thesis to test if skin related genes are upregulated (higher gene expression aka genes are more activated? <- me trying to simplify genetics I'm not sure if this is the correct term of phrase) or down regulated (lower gene expression) when I put mast cells in my skin models. It gives you insight how certain factors affect cells on DNA level and since it will give you number at the end you can do statistics which is what everyone will really care about. I hope this explanation was at least somehow understandable if anyone has any questions I can talk more about this no prob 🫡

In fact I will talk more about it just... less why you do qPCR but more on how you do it. Because the thing is with this method... You need to pipette, you need to pipette A LOT. And honestly I'm really not a fan because you need to be so exact with this pipetting since each mistake you make stacks up and shows in your data at the end. It's very frustrating especially because there are a lot of steps where you can make mistakes and you need to be fully concentrated the entire time. I... I would say I'm good at my job but I really don't like this part of it because it grates on my nerves. But I think Anemone would be good at it, it's something repetitive that requires a steady hand and patience. Normally post Docs and even some PhD students let assisstants handle this job but I'd like to imagine that Anemone likes doing small things occasionally. Maybe not the entire process (there's a lot of prep work required for qPCR) but the last few steps she can take over, just for a change of pace.

[wyntereyez]

I think this is the last scream into the void before I have a post about myself. Part Five is about my siblings. Well, mostly my sister, the golden child.

I actually don't have much to say about my siblings. I love them, I sometimes want to kill them, and for the most part, we get along.

Even my half siblings, who I actually don't refer to as my half siblings but have only been doing so for the sake of making it easier to differentiate them here without using names. It wasn't always like that. I was jealous of them for getting the attention I wasn't, and I mostly ignored them, but sometime was cruel (not horribly cruel, but I wasn't nice.) Thankfully, I got over that before they were old enough to notice, and we get along really well.

I also have surprisingly few problems with my brother. You'd think my Dad's only son would get more privileges than anyone else, and sometimes it felt like it, but those privileges weren't favoritism. For example, I had my own room, and my brother and sister shared one. Eventually, my sister was moved into my room, which I hated. But I get it. Hell, I even know that it's a CPS offense to have a boy and girl sharing a room after a certain age. I wasn't happy, but I got it. And when my brother started getting the front seat of the Chevy S-10 and I was stuck in the back...well, he's 6'. He literally could not fit. Again, I get it, and the problem was eventually solved with new vehicles, but it still sucked. About the only problem I've truly had with my brother was when we had an apartment together and he had trouble taking turns doing dishes. I blame this on my Dad; my brother wasn't used to actually doing dishes because I was always doing them.

And then there's my sister.

She was four when my parents divorced. Because she'd had so little time with our mother, she seemed to adapt the easiest. Also, she was a Daddy's Girl, so she was fine because she had her favorite parent.

Unfortunately, because my Dad wanted to minimize her trauma, she was spoiled. She got the most presents, she got to do the most school activities, she didn't have to do chores until much, much later... When we had our Evil Step Monster, I think she handled it better because she didn't grow up being constantly yelled at, and wasn't afraid to be stubborn.

She never got grounded for standing up to That Woman.

And unfortunately, she still expects people to just do things for her, while not being so good about reciprocating. Things include:

One Christmas, she nagged and nagged and nagged at me to buy her a certain expensive present that she needed now, rather than wait until my next paycheck. She assured me she'd get me a present in return. She didn't.

She wouldn't let me in the bedroom when I was visiting from college. I had no bedroom in the house since they'd basically moved me out entirely when I went to stay on campus. Which meant that I was basically limited to the living room, kitchen, and bathroom during my home visits. I had no place to hide from That Woman.

When my sister got married, she called me to ask if I had money for 'the dress.' I had no clue WTF she was talking about, and when I asked, she said, "Well, you're gonna be a bridesmaid, you know." No, actually, I didn't. Because you didn't ask me.

Like my Dad, she expected me to drop everything and come watch her house and dogs whenever she and her husband went somewhere. She made it sound like she was the one doing me a favor by letting me watch Netflix. A couple of times, I was working somewhere an hour and a half drive's away. She still expected me to watch the dogs with zero compensation despite the long drive.

She completely ignores my issues. I mentioned once that was looking for a new job because I'd had an anxiety attack working retail. She immediately tried to get me to apply for a job that required me to sit at a desk and talk to people all day, a job that would cause major anxiety issues. When I told her no, she got annoyed because she was 'just trying to help.'

She's very protective of our Dad. From things she says, she seems to have this impression that I'm the spoiled one that got everything I ever wanted and whenever I asked for help, I was using him. Yeah, that's not how I remember it.

Her help is very conditional. Remember the fiasco with my brother's wedding? Where I didn't have a lot of cash, and she assured me she'd help, and even picked out a flight that fit her schedule for pick-up and drop-off. It was at an airport an hour away, rather than the much closer one I'd originally planned to fly into, and she was the only one who'd be able to get me. I doublechecked with her before buying the ticket. And then she started changing things on me, telling me she couldn't drive me to the wedding we were both going to, telling me she might not be able to drop me off at the airport, telling me that actually, no, I couldn't stay with her after all and I needed to find a hotel in three days or she definitely wouldn't pick me up and drop me off. This is why I canceled. Even my Dad was pissed at her for this.

She's also very controlling. Last year, I had been considering going to California for fun. My sister immediately said I should come visit instead. It would be cheaper! You know, spend my money to go back to the place I escaped from, where I didn't have fun. And I'd have to stay at a hotel. Preferably one with a pool, so she could bring her boys to swim! So this 'cheaper' vacation would have been me in a hotel in an area with very little to do, waiting for her to visit on her own time, probably renting a car because that would be the ONLY way to get anywhere. And even then, there's nothing in that area I haven't seen a million times, so leaving the hotel wouldn't even be worth it.

Ahem, anyway... Being far away from family is very good for me.

[queensparklekitten]

I found your web weave about last online 7 years ago and scp 1762 (And I Love It), and I noticed it said you can’t reblog unless you were from the SGE site. What is that exactly?

*looks up from my drink, in the corner of the bar*

So. You wanna know about the SGE site, huh? Well.

Once upon a time, there was an online community.

Fandom forum, though the Open Chat one (equivalent of a #general channel in a discord server) was by far the most used. You got a book you read when you were 12 that changed your life? SGE's the acronym for what was that book for me. You might've seen the movie adaptation on Netflix a couple years back. I really waited seven years for that... I'm getting off topic. Back to the website.

The userbase was in the 8-17 age range, 90% girls, many of us the kind of people who devoured books like it was nothing in our then-ongoing preteen years. The few moderators never even looked at us unless we reported a glitch, spammer, or bigot for them to deal with, so we had no adult supervision.

Open Chat was used for, among other things, the most chaotic unhinged roleplay you can imagine. We got really into it. Wild parties that lasted days, food fights that quickly escalated into the hunger games, everything to do with those living shadows, Bob the alien, the Potato Kingdom, many of us had pets or imaginary friends doing this alongside us, I'm barely scratching the surface here, if I were to try to explain it all we'd be here for weeks. Quoting the Bee Movie script or singing certain songs had a tendency to cause all hell to break loose paranormally, one time it opened a portal to the underworld. It was the most fun ever. There was a reason we'd greet newcomers with "try not to die".

Aside from the chaos, there was contests where we'd reply with images of dresses or cute animals or what else have you, lots of clubs based around various things, people would sing (post song lyrics, sometimes roleplaying whole flashy performances) and post fun questions for everyone to answer and stories and neat videos we found and really good poetry and so, so much more that we didn't archive because we just assumed it would always be there.

It's where I met a lot of my closest friends- hell, it was the only place where I regularly got invited to participate in anything. I don't think there's anyone on that site who didn't forge friendships there. It's also how I got into quite a lot of songs and books and shows, and how I learned HTML formatting. That site was my home. It was the best part of my life for years.

You know how online friends are, though. Sometimes they disappear without a trace, a warning, or an explanation. Or their parents forbid them from going on the site because they think online chat rooms are dangerous.

I joined at 12. By the time I was nearing age 15, most of my friends had disappeared without a trace, never to return. I was one of the very few users to join in 2016 who was still active. The site wasn't abandoned, there were new people everywhere, but...

I don't pretend to understand the why of it, but the magic just. Started fading, I suppose. The community was falling apart. The roleplay got more stale and repetitive and often died down before it went anywhere. It all slowly declined and decayed and became a shell of itself. A hollow mimicry of what we once had. It wasn't really fun anymore, and I found myself wondering what was left to stay for. Just got worse in this regards, up until the website's final days, even after the rest of the userbase started becoming aware of it.

Eventually one day, the Open Chat started glitching hard. It had done that before, many times, and always been fixed. That time, though, it went down for repairs and never came back up. They said they'd bring it back, and they never did. Here's the thing, though- our posts all disappeared. When other forums on that website got closed around then, we could still see the posts by going through our post histories, we just couldn't reply to them. Open Chat and every last record of what we did there just vanished entirely, like it never existed.

It never even got crawled by the Wayback Machine.

...Now that I mention it, tomorrow's actually the anniversary of when Open Chat went down... how the FUCK was that five years ago it does NOT feel like it's been anywhere near that long.

Anyways.

During this time, the very few (like, there was maybe 2 at most) moderators had begun responding to drama by banning offsite links, followed by, several months after we lost our Open Chat, banning off-topic (non-SGE-related) discussions entirely, which sparked riots and a petition and they knew what it meant to the userbase, even to newer people who'd only known the comparatively lifeless version, we told the admins as hard as we could, and they did nothing. Well, other users told them anyways. I knew the site was beyond saving and thus didn't do anything but listen to music and make "let me guess, your home?" memes.

We also lost the ability to make posts in our profiles that weren't in any forums but could be seen if you went through the user's post history.

The official end was the "revamp" of the website, that was just a shutdown. They deleted everything that was left of it and all the records of what we were, and made a completely new website that the old one's url now redirects to. Though at least this time they had the courtesy to announce it a month and a half in advance so we could load as much as we could of what remained into archive.org during those weeks. There's no forum feature on the new site, and user data wasn't transferred. I never made an account on the new site. Why would I?

You can probably guess by reading those lyrics and asofterworld screencaps that I, and at least some other users I'm still in contact with, never really got over the death of that community.

That last image in my webweave is a screenshot of the page that now comes up whenever you type in the url for a forum or an old site member's profile and hit enter.

[pudding-parade]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

Seeing @zoeoe-sims post of this reminded me that several people had tagged me with this right around the time that my cat died a few weeks ago, too. I wasn't in a place to do this then, but…better late than never? I guess?

I babbled, as usual, so I cut for your protection.

Are you named after anyone? My paternal grandmother. Which is fortunate because she's the only one of my grandparents that I liked. Also, my mother because her maiden name is one of my middle names. (I have two. Fancy!) No comment on whether or not I like my mother. LOL

When was the last time you cried? I cried unhappily a lot when my cat died recently. I still get teary-eyed when I think of her or see something that reminds me of her. But, I also cry happy tears when babies are born on my little hobby farm, and since it's that time of the year, I've been crying a lot lately. :)

Basically, I'm a tear factory. A syrupy commercial will make me cry. You should've seen me when I was pregnant. Speaking of which…

Do you have kids? I birthed three, one conceived against my will when I was 17, but raised only two of them. I probably shouldn't have raised any, frankly. I'm not a good parent, and I don't like kids until they're about 8 or 10. But, when you're caught up in a Christian cult, there's intense pressure to procreate. I fear I really messed up my son, but at least I had my daughter when I was mostly out of the cult/god-belief in general, so I feel I did better by her.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Oh, absolutely not. (Yes, that was sarcasm.)

What sports do you play/have you played? Volleyball. Preferably 2-on-2 because it's more energetic and fun. (If you've ever watched beach volleyball on the Olympics, that's what I do. Or did, when I could.) I'm tall, so I'm pretty good at it. (Not good at basketball, though, because I can't for the life of me run and bounce a ball at the same time.) But mostly I prefer solo pursuits, usually of the "extreme" variety. Free climbing was a passion of my younger years, and I also did some BASE jumping back then. (I wish wing suits had been a thing when I did it. That looks amazing.) White-water kayaking. Skiing/snowboarding. Basically, I'm pretty active when I can be. Chronic health conditions limit me now.

What’s the first thing you notice about other people? Whatever I notice. I don't know. I talk to lots of people, and in the longer term I notice whether or not they can hold a coherent conversation, whether or not they have interests beyond professional sports, tv shows/celebrities, or shoes/fashion, and whether or not they are able to use their higher brain functions. When it comes to possible romantic relationships, I'm strongly attracted to intelligence, eloquence, and unabashed nerdiness, so the ability to use one's brain and have conversations is important to me.

That said, I have to admit that the very first thing I noticed about my husband (almost 10 years ago to this day, in fact) was how nice his ass looked in tight black leather pants, so there's that, too. I like a nice ass as much as the next person. And nice tits. (It's great being pansexual.) But, if all a person has is a great ass/pair of tits, then I lose interest very quickly. Looks fade and gravity does its thing and all that.

Scary movies or happy endings? I don't watch a lot of movies because I find just sitting and watching one to be pretty boring. (Which is odd because I spent much of my adult career as a studio musician working on movie soundtracks.) I'm much better off watching TV shows, which are shorter. But, if I'm going to watch a movie at all, it's either going to be sci-fi or a comedy. Sci-fi can be creepy/scary sometimes (i.e., Alien), and comedies usually have a happy ending, so…both? I guess?

Any special talents? I have perfect pitch and am musically gifted, though my instrumental skills are far superior to my singing skills. That's about it, unless you count the fact that I can wiggle my ears to a freakish degree and independently of each other, like a cat. In fact, I have a number of atavisms like that, probably because my family on both sides is pretty damn inbred.

Where were you born? In Amish country in Indiana, USA. I haven't been back there since I was 16, though. (And since I'm 59, that was a long time ago.)

Well, OK, technically I was born in New York City because my parents were visiting my mom's parents, and I wanted out earlier than expected. (Typical of me, really.) I didn't actually live in NYC until I went to music school, however, and I was raised on a dairy farm in Indiana that my parents owned and paid Amish folks to run for them. So, I grew up hanging out with cows and Amish kids, mostly. LOL

What are your hobbies? Aside from playing video games? Too many, because I don't have time to do them all as much as I would like. Belly dancing and pole dancing. (Both are great for your core.) Composing music. The above-mentioned sports, to the extent that I can do them now. Swing dance. Embroidery/cross-stitch/hand-sewing/lace-making. Horseback riding. Painting. (Only paint-by-numbers because I don't have the time/patience to learn otherwise.) Home improvement projects. (I love me a good tiling job. Currently, I'm working with my husband on our Burmese python's future room because he's quickly growing out of the enclosure we have him in.) Reading scientific papers and popular science articles, especially about dinosaurs. Amateur astronomy. I want to get into doing some woodworking, too, though I have to get over my fear of power saws first.

Basically, my problem is that I have too many interests and not enough time.

Do you have any pets? I have a (mostly) hobby farm, so…

Four horses that are used for just casual and trail riding, so they're basically lushes who laze in the sun and drink a lot of beer, so much that a local microbrewery has their hoppy stout named after my hoppy-stout-loving, beer-snob horse.

Small(ish) herds of both llamas and alpacas. We breed alpacas for their fiber, which we sell combed but otherwise raw to people/companies who spin it to make yarn and stuff. I have fun doing artificial selection with them, breeding for color and fiber texture and stuff. We breed llamas as guard animals, which are basically guard dogs for other livestock. They're more effective against large predators like mountain lions (their natural enemy) than dogs are while requiring much less in the way of training, food, water, etc. So, I have fun with artificial selection with them, too, breeding for (bad) temperament.

A flock of chickens, which is nice because, even though I'm vegan, I'll eat their eggs because I have tons and I know these hens live a life of decadent luxury, complete with a heated coop so they are comfortable year-round. All of them are doted-on, get daily attention (they love sitting in laps) and die of old age unless a predator gets them. Honestly, they're probably my favorite of the farm animals. LOL They are so sweet and so low-maintenance.

Two beehives, though I'm not sure they count as pets. They do require maintenance, though. Them's some hard-working ladies!

Indoors, I have four dogs, three cats, two snakes, and three tarantulas. And an aquarium set-up full of dragonfly nymphs.

(And, I have employees to do most of the farm work because I can't do most of it anymore, and my husband has a real job he loves, and my kids are moved out so no more free labor. Because otherwise my life would consist of nothing but farm chores/animal care.)

How tall are you? 6'0"/183cm. Very tall for a woman, and my build is quite man-like. Being a tall woman is sometimes good and sometimes bad. Like, I can reach whatever I want to reach and be good at volleyball, but finding clothes that fit right is a nightmare. Which is why I got decent at hand-sewing, because I have to alter pretty much everything I buy that's meant for women, even stuff in "tall" sizes, and I got tired of paying to have it done. I really should just make my own clothes from scratch, but there's that time issue again. So, I make do by buying mostly men's clothes. But sometimes you just wanna be pretty, y'know? (Plus, lately, if you go to use a women's restroom while not looking sufficiently female, you'll get very suspicious looks -- and sometimes worse -- from certain idiots waiting for their wife/girlfriend/daughter to come out of the restroom. 🙄)

Fave subject in school? Erm…I didn't actually go to school much. I was enrolled in a private school, but I was traveling and performing as a pianist starting when I was 7 but especially once I was 10. So, I was mostly educated by a private tutor who traveled with me, specifically by a Catholic nun who was in her mid-60s when I was a child. She looked scary, but she was the sweetest woman who ever lived while also being fucking brilliant so it's a damned shame she went into a nunnery. I bawled like a baby at her funeral many years ago.

But ANYWAY! Believe it or not, grammar was my favorite subject. Being educated by a nun, grammar was a Big Thing, but I enjoyed diagramming sentences, which is something that I don't think is taught in schools anymore. (But it should be!) I used to do it for fun. Beyond that, I love any history that isn't US history, and science. All of it. Except physics because calculus hates me. My love of dinosaurs came from my tutor, who was also very interested in them. Which is possibly weird, for a nun, but there it is.

Dream job? Being retired. Which I am. Yay!

Eye color? It says hazel on my driver's license, and I guess that's the closest description. They're basically a muddy green with some flecks of yellow.

I'm not going to tag anyone because it's been a while, and I don't know who's done this. But, if you'd like to do it, consider yourself tagged.

[morganski-19]

15 people 15 questions

Tagged by @mentallyundone, thank you

Are you named after anyone

No, I am not. My name is one that was inspired by a fictional character and is derived off of it, but it was also just a name that both my parents loved.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Honestly, no clue. I want to say a few weeks ago, but not in a while.

3. Do you have kids?

No, I do not. I am in no place in my life where I want kids, and honestly, I don't even know if I do. I'm still young, 21, and that could change as I grow and the world changes around me. But I can honestly say that the idea of starting a family in a world that might not accept them given who they are is the most terrifying thing. I already have to deal with it, I would never want my kids to as well.

4. What sports do you/have you play/played?

I am not sporty in the slightest. But as a kid, I did play soccer and softball. I quickly realized that wasn't me and most of my afterschool activities were theater or music based groups.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

So much so that I'll try to do it in a text and hope my friends know I'm being sarcastic. Sometimes they do, sometimes I have to clarify myself. It's so bad that when I moved to college, my grandfather joked that he missed hearing my sarcastic remarks at family dinner.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

That's hard because there are so many situations of how I can meet people. But, how they treat people, how they treat me, they're vibes. As far as physical traits, the eyes because I suck at eye contact so I purposefully hold it for too long.

7. What's your eye color?

Blue, like very blue. Sometimes people try to trick me and say that there's some green in there, but I've looked, it's just blue.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. I can't stand horror movies, which is odd considering I'm a forensics major. The main difference for me is that I can see the aftermath knowing that the person involved is now either at peace or getting the help that they need, but I can never sit through watching someone go through pain. Psychological or physical.

9. Any talents.

I like to think that I can sing very well. I was in theater for many years and learned how to sing in that way, and many people have told me that I have a nice voice.

10. Where were you born?

Eastern Pennsylvania.

11. What are your hobbies?

Reading, writing, crocheting, knitting, and cross-stitching. I often joke that I hit my grandma phase before my adult phase. Also, I like knitting more than crocheting, it's better on my hands and I like the way the clothes look more.

12. Do you have any pets?

I do. I have a calico cat back home who is grateful whenever I leave for school so she gets to sleep in my bed. I sweat she gives me the stink eye whenever I come home.

13. How tall are you?

5'3". Everyone in my family is taller than me so I am the butt of many short jokes. But then I take advantage of them because I'm short and can't reach things. So a win is a win.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Any of my forensics classes. The teacher is so chill and the processes of finding and analyzing is fascinating. He also hates crime tv shows because of how wrong they are, which is funny when he gets on rants about it.

15. Dream job?

I would love to be a forensic investigator one day. Preferably in a larger city since the work would be more consistent, but anywhere really. I want to be on the field and collect the evidence. Sitting in a lab all day is not my thing.

No pressure tags: @ihavekidneys, @stoopidstrwbrry, @ellietheasexylibrarian, @berenwrites, @corrodedcoffin89, @carlprocastinator1000, @rpa-books, @olicreates, @slowandsteddie, @stevesbipanic, @ymdslf, @princessstevemunson, @alwaysfangirly, @metalfreaks86, @owlhowl-greenscreen

[quaranmine]

Hello! As a Canadian who lives near the summer wildfires, I have never directly experienced a wildfire myself, but have had to deal with the yearly smoke that covers my city for a few weeks to a few months all summer. Some years are certainly better than others (there wasn't any smoke last year whereas this year has been one of the worst), but the smoke is becoming more of a constant issue to deal with. My family used to go away on summer holidays to a particularly wildfire prone area, but we've stopped going after two years of our holiday being ruined by smoke and even a fire close to our campsite. Couldn't even go to the beach for more than an hour. A few years ago we went to a small town that had the thickest smoke I've ever seen in my life. The people standing right next to me appeared to be hazy even though they couldn't have been more than a meter away. I took a picture right off a dock where we were staying, which I'm happy to share.

An interesting trend I've noticed is that people here are becoming more apathetic to the smoke? Like a few years ago on a smoky day there would hardly be anyone outside. But right now when I go out there are tons of people exercising, walking, and socializing despite the unsafe conditions. I think people here are tired of the smoke ruining their summers and are more willing to ignore it so they can enjoy themselves. My parents say that the smoke here during the 80's wildfires was worse, but I find that hard to believe? Idk.

Anyway I've really enjoyed hearing you talk about wildfires over this past little while! Hopefully things get better here soon but I'm fully expecting that the rest of the summer will be smoky here.

thank you so much!! especially for the photos :0 that's definitely some heavy smoke. it looks just like a foggy morning, but it's more ominous when you know it's smoke instead. i'm sorry your summers and summer activites are ruined by smoke.

i think people in general are experiencing environmental fatigue--literally every day there's some new thing on the news that's actually toxic, new (bad) climate news, new natural disasters, new environmental disasters, new water quality issues, new chemical studies, etc. for many of us, it's our entire lives. people are just tired, and the apathy is part of that. it's also why there is so much environmental/climate doomerism--people just think there's no point in trying anymore. so i can absolutely see that people might not care as much about the smoke anymore. especially following the pandemic, where a lot of people feel like they were robbed of doing activities and want to power on no matter what risks still exist.

unfortunately, apathy about environmental risks do not remove them. it's something i have to think about in my job, because many people are just like. you're telling me i have to worry about something else now too??? but like....yeah, unfortunately they do, because in some cases only knowledge and education will protect people and inform them on how to act.

that's a long few paragraphs to simply say: don't let fatigue of constant fire and smoke risk cause you to stop taking precautions, because it can and will still harm you.

i really feel for all of you in canada this summer, everything i've heard has sounded awful. the fire season this year is really bad.

[ae-azile]

Gossip After Death: Chapter 12 Preview

“MOTHER.”

“HEY.”

“SORRY.”

“PAD KEE MAO.”

“PLEASE TALK TO-”

“WHAT’S UPPPPPPPPP?!?!?”

Time lets out a sob and presses his hands against his ears before sinking to the floor.

It's getting worse. He's hearing shit all the time, and now, it's more than just Porsche’s voice. Some of the voices sound familiar while others don't. Regardless, they aren't supposed to be there. No one else can hear them. Before, he could ignore it. But how can he ignore something that now rarely ever stops?

Why did this have to happen to him, especially when his friend is going through the worst shit that could ever happen to someone?

But in all honesty, this isn't the first time he has noticed things like this. It's hard to remember, but he remembers hearing shit when he was a kid. Sometimes seeing stuff too. He always got creeped out spending the night here back then. It wasn't like he didn't experience that stuff at his old house, but it was always a little worse here.

Time always chalked it up to it not being in his space. Being a kid who watched too many scary movies, the dark playing tricks on him, or being more tired than he thought he was. But maybe he has always been sick, carrying whatever gene passed down to him that is only really activating now-”

“Time?”

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Time screams, only to wince when Tay comes into view.

Fuck.

“Sorry,” he manages to say, reluctantly taking his hands off his ears, “I thought you were someone else. Is it my turn to check on Kinn?”

“...No,” Tay says, looking extremely concerned, “You just took your turn. Kinn’s up for the day, I think. When I got there, he was getting ready to go to the pool to do some laps. Khun said he would go with him.”

“Oh,” Time says, nodding, “That's good-”

“What is going on with you?”

Time isn't sure what to say. He doesn't know.

Except that he does. This was the same shit that happened to Pa before he ended up spending two weeks in a psychiatric facility.

This is the same shit that happened to him when he crashed into a cement wall on purpose and died.

Time needs to come up with an excuse for freaking out and yelling, something to explain what is going on without coming off as completely helpless. He already knows he isn't the best boyfriend. Tay has left him multiple times over the last few years because Time can’t apologize right, or because he flirted a little too much with some guy who meant nothing. Tay should know they never mean anything, but Time should also stop since he knows how much it bothers Tay.

He should stop because Tay means everything to him.

“You’ll leave me,” Time gets out. Tay says nothing for a moment before clearing his throat.

“Did you cheat again?”

Time lets out a scoff as he does his best to tune the voices out, “How is it cheating if I don't get with anyone without your permission or you joining in? I already told you I prefer it when you join. That should tell you all you need to know. Who would I even get with anyway? I have barely been away from you since before we moved in here.”

“You could have just said ‘No, I haven't. I love you’.”

Time is about to shoot back a retort only to take in the sight of Tay's teary eyes and how he isn't looking at him anymore. It makes Time feel sick.

“No, I haven't,” Time says, his voice slightly hoarse as he nervously takes Tay’s hand, “I love you.”

Tay stares down at their linked hands.

“Do you?”

Time sucks in a breath, “Yes. Fuck, Tay. You know that I love you. You're acting like I haven’t been with you for half my life and like I didn't beg you to take me back the few months you left it. I fucking love you.”

Tay closes his eyes, “Sometimes it doesn't feel like it-”

“I love you more than anything!” Time snaps, “Is that what you want to hear?! The truth? Because that's what it is! So don't fucking leave!”

“I never said I was going to leave you,” Tay says, getting that worried and slightly fed up expression again, “Would you please tell me what is going on? If it doesn't have to do with cheating, falling for someone else, or stabbing me in the back in some fucked up way, then there is literally no way that is going to happen. Is it any of those things?”

Time manages to shake his head. He does that much. But when he opens his mouth to explain in a way that underplays what is likely happening, he hears three more voices that sound like they are trying to give advice.

“YOU’RE FINE!”

“TELL HIM EVERYTHING.”

“-DEAD!”

And suddenly, he is bursting into tears. He's loud, inconsolable, and has lost any semblance of control. He hasn't cried in front of Tay in years. He got teary and emotional when he swallowed his pride and begged Tay to take him back, but the last time he truly cried had been when Ma called him about Pa. He had known he had been sick, but the meds were supposed to make him better. He acted like he was fine, then crashed his car into a wall. Time thought he could deliver the news to Tay calmly since the move still wasn't unprecedented. Maybe get a hug too. But he went into the living room of their apartment at the time, took one look at him, and bawled like a baby.

Tay still hugged him. He rushed over to do it, despite not knowing what was wrong until after Time calmed down enough to talk. Despite that happening years ago - and despite Time fucking things up between them more than once since then - he does the same thing now. He doesn't hesitate hugging Time right there on the floor, rubbing his back, and quietly pleading with him to tell him what's wrong.

It takes a while, and it goes against every hesitation he has. But eventually, he calms down. Tay takes the opportunity to wipe his face and shift them until their backs are pressed against the large window before encouraging Time to lean against him. It's only when Time is leaning down to rest his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder that he speaks.

“I’ve uh…” Time starts, feeling his face crumple slightly when Tay starts running his fingers through his hair, “I think I'm sick.”

Tay nods his head, “...Okay. I’ve been worried about that too, with how cold you’ve been feeling. I think we should go down to the infirmary. They can run some tests, keep you for observation if you need it-”

“They won't be able to do shit,” Time croaks out, “I'm not even worried about being cold. Not anymore. I…Tay, you should fucking leave. You can do better-”

“You were just begging me not to leave you ten minutes ago, even though that wasn't even a threat,” Tay says, “And what are you talking about, I can do better? That isn't something you’d say. You're too hot and conceited.”

…That was true. But not anymore.

“I'm…I’m hearing things no one else can,” Time chokes out, “Hot people don't hear voices.”

Tay keeps stroking his back as Time gathers the courage to lift his head and look at him. The silence is too heavy and thick. He needs Tay to say something. Or leave him. If Tay is going to do that, then it needs to happen now. It might fucking kill him, but he would rather be prepared for it.

“...That's ableist,” Tay says, “And not true. You're still hot, and I am sure there are other hot people who have auditory hallucinations as well.”

That's all he has to say?

“Did you hear what I just told you?” Time asks roughly, “I'm fucking hearing shit! Random words and demands all hours of the day-”

“Are the voices telling you to hurt yourself or other people?” Tay asks.

“...No.”

“Okay,” Tay says with a nod, “Would you rather walk down to the infirmary with me so you can talk to someone or have me make a few calls so that you can get an appointment to see a specialist?”

“Huh?” Time asks, squinting in confusion.

Time feels colder again when Tay stops rubbing his back, but feels a little better again when Tay wraps both arms around him.

“If they were telling you to do things that were dangerous, I would force you into the car and drive you to a hospital,” Tay says gently, “If that's something you want or need, we can leave now and I will stay with you for as long as I am allowed. But if they aren't telling you to hurt yourself or someone else, then we can see what the wait time for an outpatient evaluation would be. If it gets worse or you have trouble distinguishing what is and isn't real, I need you to tell me. That's extremely important. It wouldn't be fair to you to suffer like that. It isn't fair now-”

Tay cuts himself off with a shaky breath, then meets Time’s eyes.

“I'm sorry. I am trying to plan a bunch of options in my head and it is pouring out of my mouth. What do you want to do?”

“...I don't know.”

“Because it's up to you as long as you commit to getting treatment,” Tay says, his voice growing hoarse, “Not getting it and letting yourself feel worse isn't an option, Time. I'm serious.”

“I know,” Time says.

“And you need to tell me if you hear threats or really fucked up suggestions,” Time continues, “Or if it's making you feel helpless or hopeless. You fucking tell me.”

Time sniffles and nods his head, “Okay.”

“If the wait to see someone without a hospitalization is too long, you need to check yourself in.”

He really doesn't want to do that. At all.

“The hospital didn't help my pa,” Time says, “It…This is probably some genetic thing. It won't help me either.”

“Time, he did what he did just a few weeks after being released,” Tay says, “If the medications you get don't work, then there are other things you can try. I’ll make sure to pay close attention now that I know. If any concerning side effects pop up, I will make sure whoever your doctor ends up being knows. Okay? We’ll figure out something that helps you-”

“You aren't leaving me?”

Tay scoffs, “I already told you I wasn't.”

“That was before I told you,” Time points out.

Tay is quiet for a moment before he answers.

“Would you leave me if the situation were reversed?”

The words sound unsure, not knowing at all, and Time hates it. He hates that Tay doesn't already know the answer.

He hates himself for making Tay doubt what his answer might be.

“I would stay,” Time says, feeling his eyes get wet, “I want to be with you, even if you get sick.”

Tay sucks in a breath and pulls him in for a kiss. It's sweet, tender, and wet, but he's pretty sure Tay is crying.

In all honesty, Time is crying too.

“We’ll be okay,” Tay whispers, pressing their foreheads together before taking Time's face into his hands, “Did you sleep at all?”

“Not really,” Time says, then glances around the room, “It’s been really bad the last couple of days. I was uh…I’ve noticed things before this, but I always figured I just imagined it. But they sound like they are in the room with me. They don't stop.”

As Time’s voice cracks on the last word, Tay rubs his arms soothingly.

“You're hearing other voices now? Besides mine?”

“TELL HIM.”

“YOU’RE NOT SICK!”

“MEDS WON’T HELP YOU.”

“MAKE KEE MAO.”

“-NOT MY BODY!”

“PUNCH KORN!”

“Uh-huh,” Time says, “One of them told me to punch Korn. Is that what you meant by harmful suggestions?”

“Maybe,” Tay says, “Do you feel like punching Korn now that a voice told you to do it?”

Time shakes his head, “I would rather avoid him.”

“Same,” Tay says, “If you want to stick with me making some calls to see if we can get you evaluated in an outpatient setting, we can do that. Just…keep me updated if the suggestions get worse or are more tempting. Let's sit down on the bed. Hopefully the calls don't take long and you can get some rest-”

“I can't,” Time says, “They keep talking.”

Tay pushes a stray strand of hair back from Time’s forehead, “Can I talk to them?”

Time scoffs, “No. They're not real.”

“WE ARE TOO!”

“FUCK YOU!”

“GUYS, STOP IT-”

“WE’RE JUST AS REAL AS YOU ARE!”

“SHUT UP!” Time screams, throwing his hands over his ears again. Tay shushes him soothingly before beginning to speak.

“Hello,” Tay tries, “As you can see, Time is very overwhelmed, upset, and exhausted. He really needs to sleep and take care of himself. Can you stop talking for a while and leave us alone so that he can get some rest?”

Time doesn't expect it to work. He really doesn't. But other than a few sorrys, the voices go silent.

“They stopped,” Time says as Tay stands up to help him to his feet.

“Good,” Tay says, gently pushing Time back down onto the bed, “I’ll make some calls. See what our options are. Just relax. If they have any questions I can't answer or they need to talk to you specifically, I'll wake you up. But for now, I think you should rest.”

Time agrees to that, only to feel alone when Tay goes over to sit at the desk.

“Can you sit over here with me?”

Tay grabs the notepad and pen before doing so immediately. If he's bothered by Time resting his head on his lap rather than on a pillow, he doesn't say as much. He just runs his fingers through his hair. Despite the seriousness of the conversations Tay is having, they all turn into background noise as Time lets his eyes fall shut.

[wayward-aeon]

Hello again. This is the same anon as before.

Sorry if my last ask wasn't very specific, I'm not too good at asking others questions. But anyhoo, I'm curious about the archons. How different are they in your canon and anyone else of note you wish to talk about?

Also opinions on Teyvat's cuisine?

so...the archons are a very high-interest topic for me, to put it lightly. i rewrote this a few times because i kept rambling without really going anywhere and forgot to actually answer the question LOL, so i'm going to go for a simpler approach.

barb/atos - doesn't "differ" in my canon so much as he has a lot more depth in person that isn't easy to get across on screen. i think the game also over-exaggerates certain traits of his (such as his cheekiness, and his alcoholism). some of his dialogue is uncannily familiar. overall, 9/10.

mo/rax - a lot of my gripes with how the game portrays him are moreso localization issues. i find the original text to be more accurate to my noemata in a lot of cases. he gets bonus points, because his animations and general demeanour are just spot on. we'll say 7.5/10.

beel/zebul - i don't know. for some reason my noemata about her are lacking. the puppet, however, is frighteningly close to how i remember it. 6/10.

bu/er - i'm on and off about her. some moments are very accurate to my noemata, while others are so strange that she might as well be a different person entirely. her comic relief moments are probably the biggest offender. i recall her being exceptionally wise, but lacking the personal experience to put it to use, which is somewhat touched on in-game, but not in an overly familiar way. when she's in her element, she's nearly the splitting image of what i remember. 7/10.

as for foca/lors...i haven't even touched the game since the 4.0 update, so i don't know yet! i've been told my initial impressions are fairly accurate, though!

as a bonus, here's some stuff i wrote about the adepti in a previous draft:

i spent a lot of time in jueyun karst (which i remember being noticeably bigger than the game would have you think), so naturally, i also got pretty familiar with the locals. one thing i will say is that i suspect my canon had more living/active adepti than we'll ever see on screen, and probably plenty more that had passed on by the time of the game's events. i'm willing to bet i met a good handful of illuminated beasts during my time on teyvat that we won't ever see in game. also, all adepti who took human(oid) form most likely had more prominent non-human features in my canon (such as pointed or furred ears, claws in place of fingernails, or unusual pupils).

also, the food is probably one of the things i miss the most about teyvat!!! i took a lot of joy in trying new dishes everywhere i went, and experimenting a lot with my own cooking to create horrible (but tasty) amalgamations of various nation's unique culinary styles. some day i really want to try and recreate some of my personal favourites!!!

[punkdooley]

Periods Suck w/ Johnny Knoxville

not my gif! creds to @doctorjackass

This again is based on both a general basis as well as my own personal experiences, and if you can relate I'm so so sorry because it 100% sucks. I hope you like it!

Warning: talk of extreme blood and period cramping, physical illness.

As gn as it possibly can be! And I'm sorry it's not exactly chock-full of...probably what anyone else wants...I'll make a list to accompany it and maybe have a surprise or something to pair with it. If you have any, please give constructive criticism! Just no flat-out insults, please.

_________---------_________---------_______

"Babe, it's okay, I'm right here."

God, those words were like music to your ears.

Johnny sighed a bit as you clung onto his t-shirt, gently rubbing your back as he pressed his lips to you head. "I'm not going anywhere, sweet pea, I've been right here with you all night."

"I had a nightmare..." you mumbled into his chest, whimpering a bit as his hands against your skin made you jump.

"Honey, you're awful warm, you sure you feel okay? Y'know, besides that dream."

You shake your head, looking up with him with a face that just told him everything. "I feel like shit...I'm achy, I'm hot, my throat is sore..."

"Meaning you're sick." he sighed, covering your back with the blanket lying over the two of you. "I'll go get you a hot toddy and a hoodie."

"...and a snack..?" you let out, pouting slightly.

Chuckling as he sat up slowly, making sure you were comfortably lying your head down on the pillow, he nodded. "Yeah, I'll bring you a snack. But you have to stay. in. bed." he pointed at you sternly before turning his attention down to his house shoes.

"Fine..."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"God I fucking hate this..." you mumbled, sitting your warm, achy bottom onto the cold, hard toilet seat.

Luckily the hot toddy that Johnny made you hours before had helped your throat and fever a little bit, however the achiness in your bones and muscles were still very much present.

Unfortunately for you, Johnny had an early morning meeting so, at least for the moment, you were stuck at home alone, sick as a dog, very much not in the mood for any other bad news, physical activity and/or labor, or quite frankly, anything at all.

You sigh as you grab some toilet paper and go to clean yourself up.

When you pull your hand back to your lap to stand, you notice it. Probably the only god damned thing that could make your day any worse; blood.

"Oh, come the fuck on!" you groan, holding your face in your clean hand.

"What's wrong?" you hear outside the door, a little annoyed that now was the time Johnny had come home, yet also thankful.

"Mother Nature decided that being sick wasn't enough for me to deal with this week," you sighed, making sure you were completely clean down there before looking towards the door and calling out again. "will you grab me a pad, or a tampon or something from my drawer, I forgot to put some in here the last time I bought some..."

"You really need to be more thoughtful about doing that kind of stuff darlin'!" he called as he walked into the bedroom, the sound of the drawers in your nightstand clinking with random items as he rummaged for one of the cotton pieces of hell you'll have to deal with for the next few days.

"Yes, PJ, I'm aware, I wasn't exactly thinking 'oh, hey, I need these like right this second, I should put them all around the house in case I find myself in the middle of a period emergency.'"

"Yeesh, guess the PMS is already kicking in..." he mumbled as he opened the door, holding out one of each choice for you to choose.

Sighing heavily, you take them from him and open up the pad. "I'm sorry, alright, I just don't feel good, and this really just made me feel worse..."

Johnny shrugged, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets as he watched you. "You're good, I know you've been having a rough day. Just thought I'd be a little helpful."

"You are being helpful, this, is helpful. I didn't wanna have to walk out there and end up having to change my underwear too, luckily I caught it just in time..."

His eyebrows lifted, pulling a hand out of his pocket as to offer a suggestion. "That's good, right? That means it's not gonna be so bad this time around...right?"

"It's still too early to tell." you sighed heavily, throwing the wrapper away as you stood up and flushed the toilet. "Hopefully this time I don't have cramps that'll keep me in bed all week and a flow that'll put a shark to shame..."

"Okay, ew, TMI, sweetheart."

You snickered a bit as you turned the faucet on, ridding your hands of the red stains on your skin. "Hey, you wanna date a female, this is what you have to deal with."

"Maybe I will switch to guys..." he mumbled, shrugging to himself as he looked back up to meet your gaze in the mirror. "I brought you some soup, and I'll make another hot toddy for you so you can sleep. And, I guess I can make a trip to the store to get you some more snacks and ice cream and...whatnot."

Giving him a little pout in the mirror as you turned the water off, you turned around and wiped your hands on the hand towel hanging in front of you before going in and hugging his torso. "That would be great, PJ, thank you..."

"Of course doll," he said as he hugged you back, rubbing your back and placing a kiss on your forehead. "it's the least I can do for ya after all the shit you've had to put up with from me and the boys. "

"Yeah, you're lucky that I love you enough to put up with that crap."

"And you're lucky I'm such a charming, handsome, thoughtful partner."

[jungw8ns]

GOING TO AN ESCAPE ROOM WITH ENHYPEN !

PAIRING: boyfriend!enha x gn!reader. GENRE: established relationship, fluff, crack. WARNINGS: profanity (not that much tho), mentions of death (?). WORD COUNT: 100 - 200 each member.

HEESEUNG:

the two of you were so pumped playing an escape room together for the first time that the other people in line had to calm you guys down (which was trully embarrassing to say the least 🤐🤐)

he was looking at the ranking board filled with pictures of players that had succeeded in the shortest amount of time and he just wanted nothing more than to see both your faces on there

but anyways, we all know how competitive heeseung gets 🕴️

oh boy let me tell you, this guy WAS SPEEDRUNNING IT but not the kind you were thinking

the second the timer had started he was literally SPRINTING AROUND THE ROOM LOOKING FOR CLUES YET COMPLETELY MISSING THEM 🏃‍♂️💨💨💨

while he was busy running around, you were picking up the little details in the room and in no time managed to open a few locks

"y/n look i found– oh 😐😑😐"

HE WAS SULKING PLSSS 😭😭😭

when you noticed him standing from afar staring at you with his arms crossed, you called him to solve this one puzzle you already did

*gasps* "oh no! babe i don't understand how to do this, please help me 😔😔🤥🙏🙏"

he had to bite his lower lip to stop himself from letting out that cocky grin but it got out eventually

"oh it's so easy sweetheart, just put this here and then voila! 😉"

when the two of you escaped you suprisingly got to take a polaroid with him home after ranking 2nd in the records

heeseung was the one who held onto it tho, placing it underneath his clear phonecase for safekeeping <3

JAY:

GOD THIS DUDE

THE ESCAPE ROOM WASN'T EVEN THAT SCARY AND YET EVERYTIME YOU GUYS OPEN A LOCK OR A DOOR HIS FIGHT OR FLIGHT INSTINCTS COME UP 😭😭👊👊

"y/n stay behind me >:(("

"um, babe, you do realize that's just a door right?"

"WE'LL BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY?? THE STAFF COULD'VE PROGRAMMED IT TO GROW LEGS?? 😵🧐🧐"

you knew you shouldn't have played horror games with him a few nights ago cause he looked like he was about to lose his mind 😔

you had to shove his ass aside and move on to the next mission cause the both of you knew that he was stalling 🏌️‍♀️

jay was being extra clingy the whole time you were playing, he'd either link arms with you or hold hands (he's literally so adorable) 💞💞

BUT THEN YOU THOUGHT OF DOING A PRANK ON HIM

while you were roaming around the room trying to solve a puzzle, you saw this horse mask on a nearby table

and so you made sure jay was distracted and put on the mask

you could've NOT worn the dusty old thing but where was the fun in that?

"jay can you come here for a sec?"

you hid behind the wall beside the door frame waiting for him to come into your sight and attacked him

now, how about we guess what happens next?

a. he faints

b. he runs away

or c. he slaps you in the face and forces you to buy him food for the rest of the night

if you guessed c then YAY! YOU'RE CORRECT 🥳🎉🎉🎊

THIS HOE SLAPS YOU AS HE SHOULD

"$##/@+(+'£%(:?!!)&£**/*%@"

when he finally takes off the mask like those scenes in scooby doo he's never felt so betrayed in his life

"i- I TRUSTED YOU 😭😭😭 YOU BETTER BUY ME FOOD LATER, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, THE BETRAYAL???? LITERALLY UNPROVOKED?????"

he wouldn't stop side eyeing you until you guys finally pulled up on the mcdonalds drive thru

"hi, can i get two um– bts meals please? 😒😒 and two oreo mc flurries 🙄🙄 and also large fries 😐😐"

sane (1/3)

would be trailing behind you like a little puppy (i love him so much 😭😭😭)

he either has his arm linked with yours or held hands every five minutes

JAKE:

really focused on the puzzles he's doing but the second he hears you call out his name for help he's there beside you with the sweetest smile

but anyways, mans was POPPING OFF the entire time you were playing

he was solving problem after problem in no time (he wanted to impress you is why he activated his inner flash ⚡⚡) but he did let you play tho, the last thing he wanted to do was make you pissed at him for hogging all the games

def buried jake with compliments and forehead kisses right after ❤️__❤️

and so the two of you got out in like an hour and a few which you were very proud of

"you were so cool today babe, good job !!"

"aww thank you angel 😊😊"

sane (2/3)

SUNGHOON:

would be linking pinkies with you the whole time, only letting go whenever the both of you had to solve something that needed two or more people

there was this one game tho where he had to arm wrestle this literal hand lever to open the door to the last room (yea...don’t ask why, the staffs were pretty weird 😬😬) 

it made him enjoy the experience a bit more as it was only the two of you playing instead of getting accompanied by strangers

HGAWAHSGDHSGHDA PLSS THIS GUY

“oh this’ll be easy, y/n step aside, i’ll handle this 😏😏😏”

idk if you were supposed to think about how handsome he looked with his serious expression on and his veiny hands coming into frame or be worried for him because the lever was REAL HARD to pull that his veins looked like they were going to pop any second soon, you stepped in and helped him tho cause you were a good s/o <3

from a spectators point of view, the two of you looked like y’all were about shit your pants but the two of you eventually succeeded on beating it, immediately dragging him to the next room which had a sofa in it, laying down to catch your breaths

cliché moment ahead ⚠️⚠️

the two of you shared a few laughs before standing up on the empty space, held hands and started to jump in circles to celebrate your success 💃💃

yupp, y’all were never going back to that hellhole again

very stubborn at first, he wanted nothing to do with the game but then you held him at gunpoint by saying:

SUNOO:

"please just this once or else i'll revoke your mint choco ice cream rights 🔫🔫🔫"

"BUT IT'S SCARY IN THERE BABE :((("

"it won't be that scary sunshine, besides, i'll be ready to 🤜💥 yk?? trust me babe i would never let anyone hurt you <33"

kinda pissed since you blackmailed him into the place and also bc he wanted to play bumper cars and dance mania but he yea he caved in pretty quick 😋😋

(y/n let him play his games in peace tf >:(((( )

once you guys got in tho he realized how normal it was and that it was not terrifying at all

THE EPITOME OF CLINGY OMFG

he wouldn't stop back hugging you and you couldn't bring yourself to push him away to play the games so you just let him walk behind you with his arms on your shoulders 😩😩

(y'all were walking kinda funny but don't tell sunoo that 🤫🤫🤫)

yea the two of you ended up escaping with a whopping 2 hours and a few minutes

but it was the effort that counts so A+++++ for the both if you 😜👍👍👍

sane (3/3)

JUNGWON:

was the one who suggested going, he even searched on naver about really good escape room places to visit and was overall really looking forward it

he liked going to places and having fun with you so it wasn't a shock how his eyes were literally crescents and his dimples were so evident

yea he literally rushed the both of you to the place that you were the first in line 😵

while waiting for the staff to finish setting up he was playing with your connected hands like 🖐️✊🖐️✊ (so precious 💞💞)

"y/n why are you taking so long 😭😭 what if they close and we end up not solving a single lock, hurry up por favorrr 😩🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏"

when they finally lead you to the room he was kind of surprised that they had separated the two of you into different spaces (like the one with txt where they had the answers to the other member's puzzles yk???)

he was locked inside a telephone stand while you were handcuffed in the main room

dw the two of you reunited after a few minutes cause jungwon was rushing his lock to get to you 🤭

you both were progressing at an average pace and it made you guys a lot more closer (not that you guys weren't before but you get what i mean)

after you guys escaped the two of you went to eat curry and talked about the whole experience 😋✌️✌️✌️

this boy literally dragged you in the escape room with him

NIKI:

HE DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU TIME TO REFUSE HE JUST 😐👉🚪

"ok masterchefs, in order to test your abilities we must go through series of puzzles and make it out alive, understood?"

he tried ignoring how confused you were and went on to try and get you guys to escape

HE'S LAUGHING AT YOU FOR WHATEVER REASON AND OBV YOU LAUGH ASWELL CAUSE WHO WOULDN'T??? his laugh is so contagious pls 🤖🤖 he was so close to d wording cause he couldn't breathe from laughing too much

yea.. you guys spent so much time laughing at each other for being so dumb at this that you ended up playing 'till closing time

spoiler alert: he fails on doing anything cause the second you made eye contact with him this child collapses 😍🤩

GIRL SO EMBARRASSING 🤡🤡

THE STAFF KICKED THE BOTH OF YOU OUT AND NOW YOU GUYS WERE BANNED FROM THE PLACE ☠️☠️

"haunted house next weekend???"

"BET"

NOTE – god they were WAY funnier in my head but yeah.... i love them so much AND OMFG HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN HEESEUNG’S SELCAS LAST NIGHT???!?@??#?@?!?@ HE’S NOT REAL WTF ⁉️❓❓⁉️

also, idk why BUT EVERY TIME I SAVE A DRAFT the paragraphs get scrambled?? £!?) 6=6) 🤣😂💔💔🤣🤣😂💔 it's so annoying but anyways, ilysm pls stay safe and have a great day <33

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

The money thing (part 1/2) - Daniel Ricciardo

It's always the little things, isn't it? The smallest stupidest things make almost no difference and then make all the difference in the world. They make everything special, but they also have the power to tear everything appart.

You and Daniel fight about money for the thousand time and he's had enough of it.

Warnings: super angst, but with a happy ending :)

Guys, this turned out WAY BIGGER than I expected, so I'm just gonna do a part 2, okay? Okay, thanks for understanding!

Song that inspired me: A list by HVOB

You and Daniel had been dating for a couple months now, having met through a common friend and hitting off almost instantly. You lived in Amsterdam and he, well he lived all over the world really, but his "time off" (meaning not racing) was spent between Monaco and London (for work), and Amsterdam now too, of course.

The changes were small and subtle at the beginning, like your weekends being spent traveling to meet him wherever in the world he was and consequently spending almost all your savings on plane tickets. You never complained to him (you planned on spending the money traveling anyway, so you didn't see the point), but didn't accept when he offered to buy your tickets, either. There's been some awkwardness around the subject but it usually died on its own.

*beginning of flashback*

"You’d have gotten here in time if you'd gotten the early flight like I told you" you remembered him saying that time you got in the paddock after the qualifying session had begun and couldn’t kiss him good luck.

"Baby, I told you. It was crazy expensive! Absurd even!"

"(y/n) for god's sake! What are we saving money for? I told you, you have my credit card number, I've offered to get you one, this is ridiculous, I can't believe I literally earn millions and my girlfriend wasn't there with me because the ticket was too expensive! I'll fucking fly you private if I have to!" he was almost yelling in his driver's room. You could only stare from the corner.

He took a deep breath running his hands through his hair. "Sorry. It's just... it was crap out there. I needed you" you grimaced at his words.

"Sorry. I really am..." you tried to approach him. "I'm here now?" you touched his arm. "It can't have been that bad, you're still on the top 10 and we both know what you can do from the 8th car..." you smiled at him.

*end of flashback*

He started to spend much more of his time off with you at your place, so you decided to get a place by yourself (having a roommate was great for company and splitting the rent, but having a roommate there while you guys just wanted some much-needed privacy was not working). Then there were more traveling to meet him, furniture for the new place, clothing for all the events (GPs or not), uber rides here and there... all of that without mentioning that you weren't being able to get the freelance jobs you used to get to make some extra money, so yeah, to say things were tight was an understatement. You tried to do all your shopping alone, so he wouldn't offer and you wouldn't refuse or be awkward about it, but Daniel seem to be glued to you whenever you were in the same city (not that you’re complaining).

He started to spend much more of his time off with you at your place, so you decided to get a place by yourself (having a roommate was great for company and splitting the rent, but having a roommate there while you guys just wanted some much-needed privacy was not working). Then there were more traveling to meet him, furniture for the new place, clothing for all the events (GPs or not), uber rides here and there... all of that without mentioning that you weren't being able to get the freelance jobs you used to get to make some extra money, so yeah, to say things were tight was an understatement. You tried to do all your shopping alone, so he wouldn't offer and you wouldn't refuse or be awkward about it, but Daniel seem to be glued to you whenever you were in the same city (not that you’re complaining).

The thing is, you always had trouble dealing with money. Sure, you liked to pay for your own stuff so as to not owe anything to anyone (especially boys), but it was so much deeper than that. Ever since a kid, you hated asking for money from your parents, and sometimes even the thought of buying stuff that was a bit more expensive made you sick. You couldn't explain why, you just felt guilty having so much and knowing that most people have never even seen that amount. It's not that you didn't want to spend it and save for the sake of it, you just didn't handle the idea of money very well. Needless to say, dating a millionnaire was bound to cause trouble in the relationship for you.

You were currently at his place in Monaco. It was the summer break and you had decided to spend some days just chilling at home, just the two of you - which you were glad since going out means hair, makeup, clothes, accessories, shoes... and, let's be honest, the kind of places he usually took you is not the kind of places you just throw something together last minute (the Instagram models and other driver's girlfriends looking you up and down were enough to make you think about spending money you did not have to hire a stylist or something like that). The whole situation was really stressing you out and you knew you would have to be honest with him eventually, instead of only dodging the subject and refusing most of his offers to pay. You tried to. You kind of tried. You suggested staying at home, in bed, most of the time, and he gladly agreed, but that strategy wasn't gonna work forever. You had to be honest with him. But at the same time, you knew what he was going to say and do, and the thought of him spending money on you, even if just by handling the restaurant bill, wasn't something you were much more comfortable with. Besides, it was only a matter of time before the "gold-digger" term starts to fly around in the small world that was the F1's.

You were laying on his couch, the Olympics playing on the TV but you were too busy overthinking the money thing to pay attention. Daniel was laying with his head on your lap, absently caressing your thigh and watching the TV. His phone went off and he moved to pick it up.

"Hello?" you watched as he answered the phone. "Hey mate, how's it going? Uh nothing, we're just chilling at home. Getting some rest... Yeah, I'm getting rested, you dirty-minded son of a bitch" you rolled your eyes while he laughed out loud on the line with someone. "Yeah, I know... the 19th is it? No, it's fine. Yeah, yeah. I'll be there. Alright, mate. Thanks for calling. Have a good one! Bye!" he hanged up and leaned in to peck you on the lips.

"Good news?" you asked him.

"Not really. Just wanted to kiss you" he shrugged, smiling. You smiled back and hugged him, pulling him in for another kiss. He was always so caring with you, always finding an excuse to kiss or touch you. You knew some people didn't like it, but you loved it. Physical touch was definitely one of your love languages.

"What's happening on the 19th then?" you asked him once you guys set apart from the kiss.

"Gotta be in London. Gonna run some testings and other boring race stuff..."

"Hum..." you hummed in understanding.

"You know what would make it less boring though?" he asked and you just looked at him, you already knew what he was going to ask you and it wasn't that you didn't want to spend every minute of the day with him, but you simply couldn't afford any more traveling, especially not in such short notice. "If you came with me. Huh? What do you say? A week in the Queen's land? Then we can fly together to Spa and after the race, I can go with you to Amsterdam. The next one it's the Dutch GP anyway, I'll just get there sooner" he laughed. It was crushing you, the man of your dreams was literally beaming at making plans with you, talking about spending the next few weeks glued together and you couldn't say yes.

"Dan, I have to work" you smiled sadly.

"Can't you work from distance? Or, I don't know, I mean... I know it's tiring, but you could come to London and fly home a bit early, then just meet me in Belgium?" great, his solution includes even more flying. And the thing is, you really didn't mind the flying. You always slept during the whole thing anyway, so you never got tired and the jetlag was minimal. You could work from distance, sure. Your boss wouldn't mind, as long as you got there eventually to check in on everything. But the whole logistics were just too expensive. There was no way you could afford it.

"I... sorry, I don't think I can" you said sadly and watched as his face dropped.

"That's fine, baby. I get it. I'm asking too much, all this traveling... don't worry about it" he tried to mask his emotions but you knew better. He knew you could in fact work from distance, so he was probably thinking the reason you couldn't do it was because you didn't want to.

He got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. Meanwhile, you couldn't help but bury your face in your palms. This was so frustrating!

"You wanna go for a run or something? Maybe get something to eat?" he called from the kitchen, already moving on from the subject. You knew this whole thing was only gonna keep build up till he got tired of your excuses or you blowing up, probably the former, but you just keep going.

"Yeah, sure" you answered, getting up from the couch.

You and Daniel were both very active so going for a run, hiking, riding bikes, or whatever in the middle of the day was really routine for you. The Monaco summer weather was as beautiful as always and the sun was shining bright. You enjoyed the rest of your afternoon racing each other, kissing in the harbor, and just taking in the views, spending quality time together. Money wasn't even a thing in your bubble for a while.

"I'm getting hungry" he said on the way back home.

"Me too, and I'm super hot. I could go for a juice or something right now" you were all sweaty from the running, but you didn't care, he was too.

"You're always hot baby, I don't think juice gonna help with that" he grinned at you and you just rolled your eyes at him.

You passed by one of his favorite spots for food, nearby his place and he suggested getting some take-out, to which you agreed.

"Green juice, and a chicken wrap?" you tried to decide while the both of you waited in line.

"I'll never understand how you drink that"

"I've seen you drink that too, it's actually very refreshing"

"Because I'm forced to, I'm a high-performance athlete baby. But I'm on a break, so I'll have a coke, thank you very much" you laughed at him. He was holding your hand and tried to kiss you, wrapping his arm around you, you didn't dodge his kiss, you would never, but still laughed at the fact he wanted to kiss the sweaty mess you were right now.

"I'm gross, only you" you laughed.

"That's my baby, with no makeup she a ten" he rapped shrugging and grinning.

"Alright Lil Wayne, I know that one, don't even finish the verse" you laughed at him, making him laugh out loud, getting everyone's in the restaurant's attention.

"It's true, though"

"Sure..." You just shook your head smiling. Then you heard someone call his name.

"Hey! Daniel!" you both turned around to see Charles and Charlotte sitting in a corner, him waving at you two. You had met Charles a couple of times before but never spoke too much to him. They seemed to be leaving anyway, so they walked towards you guys, instead of towards the door.

"Hey mate, how's it going?" Daniel greeted him with a handshake. "Hey, Charlotte! You know (y/n) yet?"

"Hi! I don't think so, hi! How are you?" she greeted you smiling.

"Hi! Nice to meet you. Hi, Charles!" you said.

"Hey, (y/n). You're keeping him in line during the break? Char won't let me cheat my diet either" he laughed.

"Oh, that ship has sailed long ago! Daniel will just roll into the paddock if it's up to him" you laughed back.

"Hey! I think I've earned the right to some extra calories, we've been working out extra hard lately" Daniel said waving his eyebrows suggestively, making Charlotte giggle, Charles rolls his eyes and you go even redder than you were from the actual workout, while he just laughed out loud.

"I don't even want to know" Charles said. "Always great running into you mate" he was getting ready to say goodbye.

"Are we seeing you guys tomorrow?" Charlotte asked you.

"Tomorrow?" you asked her.

"Stefano's birthday" she said like it was obvious. Stefano Domenicali was the President and CEO of Formula 1, but you didn't know that yet - still, her tone made it seems like it was someone Daniel knew, so you just looked at him. He just rubbed his neck, looking a little embarrassed. "Oh, wait. Please tell me I didn't just said something I shouldn't" she looked at Charles.

"No, no. He invited me. Us, actually" Daniel reassured her. "I don't think we're going though, forgot to mention to you" he said looking at you.

"Uh mate, I wouldn't skip that if I were you. He didn't even invite all the drivers I heard" Charles said. "Maybe just stop by to say hello?"

"Stop by... a yacht... at the sea?" Charlotte said grinning at him. Daniel looked at you.

"You feel like going? It should be fun" he asked you.

"Sounds fancy... I mean, I don't mind if you go" you said.

"Common... I’m not going alone" he nudged you.

"I don't even have anything to wear, Dan" you told him.

"Oh! We can go shopping together!" Charlotte said and you had almost forgotten they were still there.

"Perfect!" Daniel answered for you. You could only imagine the types of stores she shopped.

"Tomorrow morning, then? Daniel can text your address to Charles for me? I'll pick you up!" she was being really nice about it.

"I thought you wanted to go today?" Charles said.

"That's when I thought I would have to go shopping with you, so I could use the extra time since you're the worst shopping partner ever!" she laughed at him.

"Burn!" Daniel laughed.

"His fashion taste is not the most reliable, let's face it" she laughed and kissed his cheek. "It's a date then (y/n)?" she looked expectantly at you. You didn't want to let her down, it was so hard to make friends with the girlfriends of other drivers, they were usually so... not nice. You could always just help her and find something to wear in your own stuff later.

"Yeah, sure! See you tomorrow, at 10?" you said simply.

"Perfect!" she beamed.

>>> end of part 1 <<<

[liannaflower]

Ask game

Thank you @butterfliesandstormclouds

Are you named after anyone?

No, but I was almost named after my great-grandma who died like two weeks before I was born, but I'm sooo glad I wasn't. (it's an uglier name than my own lol)

When was the last time you cried?

I think I shed some tears today lmao...😢

Do you have kids?

No(t yet🥰)!

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Now just a bit; it's been getting less and less. 😅

What’s the first thing people notice about you?

Uh, good question. Maybe my shyness? Clumsiness? Or my general dumb expression😂 I think it used to be my smile but I don't really do that anymore lol

What’s your eye color?

Green, blue and grey. It's the prettiest when I cry, a very nice blueish green.

Scary movies or happy endings?

Kinda both but I became waaaaaay too paranoid over the last few weeks because of watching too many true crime vids so I avoid anything scary like it's the plague.

Any special talents

None, thanks for asking😊 lol anyways I'm really good at procrastinating.🙃

Where were you born?

Oh, this is getting specific... but yeah Veszprém...🥴

What are your hobbies?

Hmmm, I like drawing/painting, both on paper/canvas and digitally. I also like writing, going on walks with my pet, cooking, baking, oh yeah READING, how could I forget. Doing self-care, pampering nights with a good series. And then there are my bit more expensive hobbies... collecting stuff like books, crystals, tarot and oracle decks. I seriously need to stop with them I don't even need that many...😂 and then maladaptive daydreaming, although it might not qualify as a hobby but as a lifestyle fml.

Do you have any pets?

Yes, a doggo, I love her the most.🧡🧡🧡

What sports do/have you played?

I'm not really a sportsy person, I used to go to the gym or do workouts at home/swimming, but nowadays my only physical activity is taking the dog for a walk.

How tall are you?

158cm😊 (I refuse to care about the US measurement system, I just don't care and I'm too tired to look it up lol)

Favorite subject in school?

History all day, every day! I also liked English, although it was kinda boring, and I loved Hungarian literature AND grammar, but sadly in hs that teacher was not a good one. :( RIP

But in uni? My fave ever course was Chapters from Social Psychology

Dream job?

Author or book cover illustrator (or doing my own cover for my book)

I won't tag anyone but @justonemorechapternicercy, sorry love, I had to 🥺

[kpop---scenarios]

Torn Apart (2 Final)

Pairing: Surprise! x Reader

Warning: Smut, Sadness, Angst Maybe? Mean People

Word Count: 5.4k

It had been weeks. 

Weeks of sobbing into your pillow, weeks of feeling like things were going to get better, until you found the most insignificant thing that belonged to Chanyeol and you broke down all over again. You missed him. You missed his touch, his warmth, his smile, the way he made you laugh when you were sad. You missed it all. You were broken, and it was all Chanyeol's fault. 

Until you scrolled through Instagram, and saw pictures of him with Maya, that bitch. You had never hated anyone in your life until you had met her. You couldn't even begin to fathom what even slightly redeeming qualities Chanyeol saw in her, but apparently there was something to that wench.

You were curled on your couch in the fetal position as you cried at the ending of Strong Girl Bong Soon. You wished you had a love like that. The way An Minhyuk loved Bong Soon was the relationship you wanted, the one you would strive for. He loved her so much and you just wanted to be loved by someone like that. 

You groan loudly as your doorbell rings, and then whoever pounds on your door. You didn't want visitors, you didn't care who it was, you wanted to hermit. 

"What?" You yelled from the other side of the door. 

"Y/N, let me in." You hear from the other side. You recognized the voice immediately. 

"Baekhyun, I look like a troll. Kindly leave." You sigh. 

"Y/N, if your trolly ass doesn't let me in, I will break down your door." He threatens, which makes you laugh for the first time in days. You both knew he would never be able to do that, and he would likely end up hurting himself. 

"Baek, you would break your leg." You say, pulling the door open. On the other side was a sympathetic Baekhyun, who had tissues, ice cream, chocolate and a bag full of movies. You smile at his kindness. "You know I have Netflix right?" 

"Shut the fuck up and move, this shit is cold." He barks, moving past you and into your kitchen. "Look, I have all the necessities. We will get you through this. Because I for one, cannot stand the sight of Mayeol and I want to gouge my eyes out, and I need someone to do it with." 

"I don't understand how that has anything to do with me." You say, grabbing two spoons.

"Sehun is gone, he's so in love with those two, hes bordering being a psychopath, Jongdae and his wife are just tolerating, Suho, Kai and Kyungsoo are avoiding them like the plague and Minseok and Lay have been MIA, so you're my last hope, Y/N." 

"I really don't want to talk about him, Baek." You admit, the hole in your heart somehow feels larger than before. 

"That's fine, I'll stop, let's start a movie." He suggests, grabbing a random one out of his bag. 

And for the next few hours, that's all you guys did. You watched movies, making comments, laughing and you genuinely had a good time with him. It had been so long since you actually felt happy and you were grateful to Baekhyun for bringing at least a little joy back into your life. 

Until he left, and you were alone again. All the feelings came rushing back, except they hurt a little less this time. You didn't miss him quite as much. 

** 

The next day, at the same time, your doorbell rang again. You open the door, your eyes puffy and bloodshot and you see Baekhyun standing there again, a new flavor of ice cream in hand, a new kind of chocolate, and a new bag of movies. This time he said nothing to you, instead pushed his way past you and through the door, setting everything down on your living room table as he popped in the movie. You smiled to yourself before turning around to join him, it felt nice to be cared about, and the fact that he was going out of his way to do this for you, and make you feel better. You truly appreciated Baekhyun. 

As he sat there and watched the movie, you watched him. The way his eyes lit up at a part of the movie he enjoyed, the face he made when he took a bite of his ice cream, the wrinkle he had in his nose when there was a cheesy scene. You never truly noticed how handsome Baekhyun was until now. His distinct jawline, his large hands, his toned body, you briefly.. very briefly began to wonder how large his..

"No Y/N, no. Do not go there with your existing bestfriend." 

You quickly shake off the thought, moving your eyes to the TV screen, trying to focus. 

"How are you feeling today?" Baekhyun asks, sliding his phone back into his pants pocket. 

"A bit better, I guess." You answer. Before Baekhyun could say anything there was another knock at the door. "That's good." He smiles, standing up. "There are some people who wanna see you." He says, opening the door. 

Minseok, Suho and Kyungsoo file through the door, looking at you with pity as they all sit, surrounding you.  

"Hiiiii." Suho pouts, protruding his bottom lip. "How are we feeling today?" 

"Um, hi." You laugh. "I'm fine." 

"Oh good, so we can go." Kyungsoo pipes up, standing up and walking towards the door. 

"Sit." Minseok sighs, pointing back at the seat. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, shuffling back to his spot and flopping down. 

"She's fine, Chanyeol is fine, so why are we here? Everyone is fine." He groans. 

"Have you seen him? Is he fine?" You hesitantly ask. You weren't even sure if you wanted to know. 

"Oh he's more than fine." Kyungsoo groans. "He and Maya are all over each other all the time. It's honestly nauseating. Like I want to be able to eat my sandwich without hearing your girlfriend moan when you kiss her." He gags. 

You bite your bottom lip as you slowly nod your head, tears welling in your eyes. These were most definitely details you did not need to hear about your ex and the girl he cheated on you with. All the men whip their heads to look at you, who now had your head hanging low as your shoulders shaked. They all look back at Kyungsoo, with only one speaking up.  

"That's it." Baekhyun growls. "Kyungsoo, get out." He spits, pointing to the door. 

"What did I do?" Kyungsoo asks, innocently. Baekhyun rolls his eyes, looking at you, softly whimpering into the sleeves of your sweater. 

"Out. Now." Baekhyun says, giving him the middle finger before flinching as Kyungsoo stands up, whispering "Don't hurt me."

"Don't listen to him." Minseok sighs. "Kyungsoo has zero social cues, he also could not read a room if his life depended on it." 

As Kyungsoo opened the door to leave, in rushed Lay, who looked at the man leaving and just nodded his head, realizing he had probably said something rude and was asked to leave. It wasn't the first time and would not be the last either. 

"Y/N." Lay breathes. "How do you feel about tall, muscular men who sing?" He asks. 

"I do enjoy them. Why?" You ask. 

"I have a friend from the hospital.. I think you two would get along really well. He's in his third year of surgery residency and is looking to date. I may have shown him your picture and he instantly said yes." He tells you. 

You look around the room, Suho and Minseok are nodding enthusiastically, while Baekhyun sits with his arms crossed against his chest, and a pouty look on his face. 

"What do you think?" You ask Baekhyun. He looks up at you, his face softening immediately. 

"I uhh, it's up to you. Yanno, if you're into muscular, tall men.." he mumbles.

"You know what? Sure, yes, I will. Chanyeol and Maya are out there living their best lives while I'm sitting here sulking, mourning a love that clearly didn't mean as much to him. So yes I will go out with him." You announce, perking up already. "When?" 

"Tonight." Lay says. "More specifically, an hour." 

"I need to get ready." You smile, jumping from your seat to rush to your room. You slowly peak your head around the corner, softly smiling at your friends. "Thank you, you guys. You've all really helped me these last weeks. I greatly appreciate you all." You finish, heading back into your room to quickly throw yourself together. 

By the time you were done, you had 15 minutes to spare, and you were damn proud of what you accomplished in the last 45 minutes. You showered and shaved to become a hairless human from the eyelashes down, you managed to get the knots out of your hair and it looked in decent shape, as well as hide the semi-permanent redness of your eyes with a lot of makeup. You almost didn't recognize yourself in the mirror when you looked. You didn't see the heartbroken girl anymore, you saw someone confident, hot and worthy of a great love. 

Stepping out into the living room you blush at all the 'oohs and ahhs' from your friends. 

Except for Baekhyun. 

When you looked at him, his eyes shined and for some reason it made your heartbeat a little faster. You watched his eyes trail up and down your body, seemingly taking in every curve, every inch of you. When he notices you staring, he clears his throat and looks away. "You look prettyish." He mumbles as he walks away, there's a knock at the door. Baekhyun is the one to answer and looks up at the tall man. 

"You must be.." he begins, moving out of the way, letting the man walk in. 

"Hi." He smiles at you. "I'm Matthew." He says, holding out his hand. 

"Hi Matthew." You grin. "Y/N." You finish, introducing yourself. 

"It's really nice to meet you. You look phenomenal." He says, holding your hand up to spin you around. You can't help but let out a loud laugh as a blush spreads across your cheeks. 

"Thank you." You whisper. "Shall we?" 

He waves to Lay and everyone else before taking your arm in his and leading you out the door. You left three excited men behind you and one who felt annoyed but didn't quite know why. 

** 

You hadn't laughed so hard until tears rolled down your cheeks and you held your stomach for a very long time. You honestly were surprised at how much you and Matthew had in common. You both enjoyed the same type of music, food, and pastimes. You had yet to meet someone who loved the same authors as you, who enjoyed doing your favorite activities and who genuinely seemed like a great person but here he was, sitting right in front of you at this nice restaurant. 

"I have to admit something." Matthew begins. Your stomach drops as you feel like he's going to tell you he's married or has a girlfriend, something that's going to make you lose trust in men, again. 

"Go on." You say, forcing a smile before taking a sip of your drink. 

"I really like you." He grins. "It's insane, I have never met someone I had so much in common with until tonight." 

"I was just thinking the same thing." You laugh, feeling relieved at his confession. You liked Matthew, he seemed as though he would be good for you and treat you right, although you thought that Chanyeol would do the same and look how that turned out. 

Beep 

Beep 

Beep 

Matthew's pager beeps incessantly. He takes it from the waistband of his pants, checking the page and stands up abruptly. "I'm so sorry." He sighs. "I have to go, there was an accident and I'm needed in the OR." He explains. 

"Go." You say, waving your hands to emphasize. 

"I had a wonderful time Y/N, and I hope I get to see you again." He grins. He places down a few hundred bills on the table before kissing your hand, and with a wink he was off and your heart was pumping fast as red spreads across your cheeks. 

Oh boy. 

Your blush is still present as you walk through the door of your apartment. You see Baekhyun sitting on your couch with his arms crossed as he watches a show, not even acknowledging your presence. 

"Why are you still here?" You ask, tossing your purse on the chair. 

"I wanna hear all about Matthew." He mimics, rolling his eyes. "How was your date?" 

"It was really nice. We have a lot in common, which is strange. He seems really nice and we get along amazingly. He was paged into surgery so it ended early." You tell him. "So cool." 

"Oh wow, surgery huh?" Baekhyun says, nodding his head. "Did I tell you I'm auditioning for a band?" He smiles. 

"Are you really?" You ask, a little shocked. 

"Maybe." He says, clearing his throat, turning back to the show. 

You sit beside him, you dress riding up just a little to expose your thigh. You're focused on the show, barely realizing that Baekhyun has now rested his hand on your bare thigh, his thumb lightly rubbing the same spot. 

Why did you feel butterflies? Why was your pussy throbbing? It's probably just friendly, there's no way Baekhyun has feelings for you. 

Right?

As the show played on, your eyes became increasingly droopy, feeling the exhaustion and excitement of today finally catching up with you. Your eyes slowly close as you lean your head back onto the couch. 

You weren't sure when it happened, but you woke up, what you're assuming is a few hours later with your head on Baekhyun's lap while he gently rubbed your head, running his fingers through your hair. Your body shivered at the gentle sensation and you closed your eyes once again, feeling safe and happy as you dozed off. 

** 

When you woke up the next morning, you were laying on the couch, alone with a blanket draped over you. Your eyes searched your apartment and there was no sign of Baekhyun.  You had no idea when he had left but a part of you felt a little hurt that he left without saying goodbye to you. You rolled yourself off the couch and shuffled into your room, changing your clothes to something more comfortable. 

When you were done you made your way to the kitchen to find food when your front door opened. In walked Baekhyun with a large bag from your favorite food place. 

"You didn't." You grin. "It's so far away." 

"I did, and it was worth it to see the look on your face." He laughs, setting the bag down on the table. 

The two of you sit down, and have breakfast together and chat. You hadn't realized that Baekhyun actually had a lot in common with you as well. You didn't know why the two of you had never talked about these things but you felt like it was a crazy coincidence that two men match with you so well. Although you knew Baekhyun's feelings were strictly platonic, there was no way that he felt anything romantically for you. 

"I gotta go to work, but we'll hang out later, if you're up for it?" He asks, throwing his garbage away. 

"Of course." You smile. You look in his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes and you just want to melt. You liked Baekhyun, alot. Maybe it was just from how good he's been treating you lately, or maybe the feelings were real, you would never know because you were going to focus on changing your feelings for Baekhyun to feelings for Matthew, someone you knew you actually had a chance with. 

** 

Later that day you were doing some work on your computer for the company you work for, luckily you're able to do your work from home, giving you plenty of time to be free during the day for activities. You're brought out of your zone by a text from Matthew, asking you if you wanted to grab a late lunch around 2pm, and immediately your mood changed, and you happily replied that you would love to. 

At 1:50pm, you sat at the restaurant, a drink in front of you while you waited for Matthew. Seeing him walk through the door, your heart did a mini dance as he smiled at you, heading towards the table you had already gotten. 

"Hey there beautiful." He grins, sitting across from you. 

"Hi." You giggle. "How has your day been?" 

"Busy and stressful, but that's all been forgotten now that I have you in front of me." He says. You smile widely, burying your head in your hands. He was so sweet, and you didn't know how to react to it. After the two of you order, you're in the middle of a conversation about a movie you had each recently watched, when out of the corner of your eye, you notice someone familiar. You look over and at a table that was too close for your liking sat Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Maya. Your attitude, demeanour and mood completely changed when you noticed them. You could feel the tears welling in your eyes as you looked away. You look at Matthew who instantly looks concerned. 

"What's wrong? Did I say something?" He asks, leaning in closely to whisper to you. 

"T-that's my ex.. and the girl he chose over me, and his best friend who I'm still friends with." You whisper, nodding your head towards them.

Matthew discreetly looks over and notices the blonde man looking in your direction, pain in his eyes from the moment he saw you. 

"Look at me." Matthew whispers. You look up at him, trying to control the tears. "That boy is an idiot for giving you up. You are one in a million. You're smart, funny, beautiful, caring and an all around amazing person to be around. Don't give them anymore of your tears, princess. They don't deserve them, and you don't deserve to cry over them." He smiles. 

You sit up, taking a deep breath, smiling at the man across from you, staring at his beautiful smile. You glance over to the table and see Chanyeol staring at you, sadness in his eyes while Maya glares at you and Baekhyun, he stares at you with what seems like a look of anger. He glares in your direction, his face like stone and you had no idea what you did to make him so mad at you. 

"Would you like to go somewhere else?" Matthew asks. 

You nod your head, knowing you didn't want to be in the same restaurant as Mayeol, it was bad enough to have to be in the same city as them. Matthew grabs the check, escorting you out, his hand hovering over your backside as you walk out, the feeling of eyes watching you burning into your back as you exit the restaurant.  You and Matthew stand outside your door, and he smiles at you. "I'm sorry about the date." He sighs. 

"It wasn't your fault. If anything I should be sorry." You say. 

"You did nothing wrong." He tells you. "I have to get back to the hospital now, but I'll call you." He says, leaning down he presses his lips to yours quickly before pulling away and saying goodbye. 

You walk into your apartment, feeling a little confused. That didn't go how you imagined it at all. As you're trying to get out of your sundress, there's a knock at the door before someone walks in. You turn around and see Baekhyun standing there, watching you. 

"You looked pretty comfortable and intimate with what's his name." He blurts out, walking towards you. He stands closely behind you, you can feel his breath on your neck as he pulls down the zipper of your dress. 

"Yeah well you looked pretty comfortable with fucking Maya and Chanyeol." You retort, trying to storm away from him. Your dress slips off your body, landing on the floor. Baekhyun follows you, reaching out to grab your wrist. He spins you around to face him. He pulls your body closer to his. 

"What do you want?" He asks. You don't answer, your lips parted as you try to form a sentence. Baekhyun's eyes drop down to your lips. He licks his lips and sighs. You can feel his breath, so close to you, almost kissing you. "What do you want from me, Y/N?" He asks. 

Your heart is practically beating out of your chest. You look into his eyes, one word on the tip of your tongue. 

You. Just say it. You want him. Tell him. 

But you say nothing. 

Baekhyun sighs. "That's what I thought." He says,  moving away from you and picking up your dress from the floor. He hands it to you, leaning in to press his lips against your temple. "Call me when you know what you want." He says, walking away from you and out the door. 

What did that mean? Did he want you like you wanted him? Why couldn't you have just told him right then and there? 

You were scared. You were scared of rejection, you were scared he didn't mean it, maybe his feelings towards you weren't real. But then again, you would never know unless you talked to him. 

Later that night you laid in your bed, thinking about Baekhyun. You couldn't sleep, so you grabbed your purse and your keys, drive aimlessly around town. A little while later, you glance at the clock that reads 2am, you park your car and you pull out your phone and call him. You felt like you were going to vomit as the phone rang. 

"Hello?" A groggy voice answered. 

"You." You whisper through the speaker. "I want you."  

"Y/N." He breathes. 

"Open the door, Baekhyun." You whisper. 

You can hear him get out of bed and stomp towards the front door. He pulls it open and there you are, your phone pressed against your ear, wearing a nightshirt and shorts. 

"I want you." You say again, pulling the phone away from your ear. 

Baekhyun pulls you inside, slamming the door behind you before pinning you against the front door. 

"Fuck it." He groans, crashing his lips against yours, pulling your body in closer to his. His hands roaming your body as he slides his tongue into your mouth. His hands move under your shirt and up your torso, cupping a bare breast. He groans into the kiss as he pinches your hard nipple, rolling it between his fingers. He presses his crotch into your leg, allowing you to feel his hard cock pushing against his boxers. 

You reach your hand down, sliding it into his waistband, grabbing his cock and slowly pumping, making his knees buckle. 

"Fuck." He murmurs, breaking the kiss. He leans his head into your neck, placing small kisses as you stroke his cock. 

Suddenly he stands up straight, pulling your hand from inside his boxers. He grabs your hand and leads you to his bedroom. 

"Take off your clothes." He growls. 

You maintain eye contact as you slip your shirt off your body, dropping it to the floor and the shimmy off your shorts, letting them pool around your ankles. You stand there naked in front of Baekhyun who takes in every curve and crevasse of your body. 

"Get on the bed." He whispers. You move to the bed, slowly climbing on and laying on your back. 

"So fucking beautiful." He moans, crawling on top of you. "I just wanna be inside you." He whispers. You nod your head, giving him all the consent he needs. 

Baekhyun spits on his hand, pumping his cock. He lifts your legs over his shoulder before lining him up with your entrance. He pushes himself into you, stretching your pussy out, making you cry out loudly. 

It had been so long for you, you forgot what it felt like to be fucked. Your hands grip the bed sheets as Baekhyun slides his cock in and out of you slowly. 

"How do you want it, baby?" He asks, moving slowly still. 

"Faster." You moan. "Fuck me Baekhyun." 

His eyes become dark after hearing your words. His hands wrap around your ankles as he starts thrusting harder into you, the sound of skin slapping fills the room.

"Oh god." You cry out, your hands cupping your breasts, pinching your nipples as he pumps his cock into you. 

Baekhyun releases one of your legs, placing his thumb between your lips to rub your clit. He rubs in circles, making you clench around him. 

"Just like that." You cry out as you buck your hips. You knew you were going to cum soon, you hadn't had an orgasm since Chanyeol left. 

"Fuck." Baekhyun groans. 

"I'm gonna cum." You scream as he fucks you harder, and continues to rub you. 

Your orgasm hits you, making you scream out in pleasure, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you tighten around Baekhyun once again. 

He groans loudly, suddenly cumming, shooting his load inside of you, breathing heavily as he works through his orgasm. 

"Holy fuck." He sighs, pulling out of you. He lays next to you, and you snuggle into him, not caring about the mess, just being completely and utterly happy in the moment.

**

"So.." Baekhyun starts off the next morning, as you lay in his bed, tangled in his sheets. You have one leg and one arm sprawled across him as you snuggle in closer to him. "What about Matthew?" He asks.  

"I called him yesterday after you left, and I told him I didn't think things were going to work out, but I would like to remain friends." You explain. 

"And he was fine with that?" He asks. 

"He asked if there was someone else." You sigh. "I told him I wasn't sure, but I hoped and he wished me luck." 

"I didn't like you seeing him." Baekhyun admits. "It hurt but I felt like I couldn't do anything." He says. 

"Why?" You ask. 

"Because.. Chanyeol is my best friend and you were his." He tells you. 

"Chanyeol made his decision, and he chose Maya. I'm free to date whoever I want, and I want you." You whisper. 

"Oh baby girl." Baekhyun growls. "You have no idea what you do to me." He whispers, rolling over on top of you, pressing his lips to yours. You wrap your arms around him, pulling him in closer to you, never having felt so wanted or loved. 

** 

It has been a few months of you and Baekhyun dating, and you've kept it under wraps for the most part, wanting to stay in your little bubble of happiness. But now your friends were getting suspicious and you felt like it was time to tell them. And what other perfect time to tell them then at a dinner party that everyone is attending. 

That night you and Baekhyun had brought a spinach and artichoke dip that you made together and it was the best thing ever. You told Jongdae and his wife the news first, and they were both extremely happy for the both of you. 

Next, Minseok, Suho, Kyungsoo, Kai and Lay were told and they were all happy for you two, except Lay who was disappointed that things didn't work with Matthew, but he was happy that you were happy. 

You all sat around the dinner table when Chanyeol, Sehun and Maya walked in. Things instantly got tense and quiet the minute they entered the room. They hadn't noticed you yet and you could feel the knots forming in your stomach. 

"Hey guys." Chanyeol smiled, looking around the room and then his eyes landed on you and his smile dropped. 

"Hi friends." Maya chirps up, not realizing you were there until Sehun pointed it out, quite loudly and rudely. 

"Why is she here?" He asks, nodding his head towards you. 

"Because she's our friend." Jongdae pipes up, glare at Sehun.

"It's just weird." Maya comments, sitting down at the table. You ball your hands into fists under the table. Baekhyun reaches under the table, grabbing your hand to calm you down, showing you he's there and has your back. 

"It's not weird, actually." Baekhyun pipes up. "What's weird is coming to a gathering when you know no one here likes you. That's weird." He says, looking at Maya. 

"Baek." Chanyeol sighs. "She's my girlfriend." He says, as if that's a good enough reason. 

"Okay." Baekhyun says. "And she's mine." He says, nodding towards you. "So tell your girl to show some respect." 

"You're what?" Chanyeol asks, staring at you and Baekhyun, not even acknowledging the fact that Maya is sitting there with her mouth open and offended. "You're dating my ex-girlfriend?" 

"I am." Baekhyun says, not caring about Chanyeol's reaction anymore. 

"You.. you can't do that." He says. 

"And why not?" Baekhyun wonders. "You left her. You chose that over this amazing woman. You have no right to be angry here. You broke her, tore her apart and I'm putting the pieces back together." 

"I don't want her here." Maya pouts. 

"And no one wants you here." You chime in. You were tired of her and she had only been here for a few minutes. 

"Chanyeol." She whines, nudging him but he's still not paying attention to her, only looking at you and Baekhyun. 

"So.. what did you guys bring?" Lay asks, nodding towards their dish.

"Buffalo chicken dip." Maya says, with a smile.

You burst out laughing, rolling your eyes. "You mean you're still making the recipe that Chanyeol and I made together?" You ask with a smile on your face. 

Maya's smile instantly drops, looking at you with disgust. "Chanyeol." She yells. 

"What?" He snaps, turning to look at her. 

"Do something." She whines. 

"You don't have to do anything, man. We're gonna go. Thanks for having us, Jongdae. It's been interesting." Baekhyun says. He looks at you and holds out his hand. "Ready?" He asks you. You smile at him, taking his hand and walking out, hand in hand with the man who made you the happiest you've been. 

** 

A few days later you're in your apartment, singing and dancing as you clean up the place. You no longer missed Chanyeol, his name no longer brought pain to your heart, seeing things that reminded you of him no longer made you cry. You had Baekhyun now, and he treated you like a queen. 

You're walking past your front door when you hear a faint knock. You open it slightly and see an exhausted looking Chanyeol standing on the other side. 

"Can we talk?" He asks. 

You didn't want to hear what he had to say, but you decided to be nice and let him in. 

"What?" You ask, sitting on your couch as he stands in front of you. 

"I fucked up." He blurts out. "I should have never chosen Maya over you. I didn't realize what I was doing at the time, Y/N, please forgive me. I miss you. I miss us. We were great together." He breathes. 

You're shocked. You had spent weeks crying over him, wishing for him to come to you and say these words to you but now it was too late. 

"You're a little too late now." You say to him.

"I know you're with Baekhyun, but I had you first." He says. 

You scoff at him. "How dare you? How could you come here months after you left me for Maya and beg for me back when I'm finally happy again? It took a long time for me to be okay. Baekhyun has been there for me, he was the one who helped put me back together. You chose Maya. You made your bed." You yell. "Get out Chanyeol." 

"Y/N please." He begs. 

"No, you need to leave. I don't want you. I don't love you anymore." You tell him.

Chanyeol walks out the door, looking back at you with tears in his eyes. You felt no remorse for him. You had felt the way he was feeling, it was his own fault and you refused to be torn apart by him  again. Chanyeol was now your past, and Baekhyun was your future and you couldn't be happier about it.