#Also I actually think I started the show in 2017? Cuz I remember there only being 2 full episodes on wco

[dbphantom]

2018??? IT'S BEEN 6 YEARS? I'VE BEEN INTO ROTTMNT LONGER THAN I'VE BEEN A GUY?

Oh, God, I'm OLD

I really miss editing 😭

[josephtrohman]

I don't know who else to express my conern to, but... it seems to me that Joe hasn't been wearing his wedding ring lately? I first noticed it in the China pics and thought maybe he just forgot it at home or something, but I did a quick look through 2ourdust pics and it seems to be missing then, too??

i was going to answer this when i saw it in my inbox yesterday but tbh i genuinely got too high last night to type coherently LMFAOOOO. BUT this is the RIGHT PLACE to express this concern because i actually am a slightly insane person who pays like TOO MUCH attention to wedding rings due to the fact that they make me Feel Ways, so i actually have a lot to say about this!!! i am the co-president of the joe trohman hands and ring committee after all (shoutout ash)…however, tldr: i would say that him not wearing his ring is not a bad sign to ME bc of the evidence on this matter. and i’m putting it under a cut cuz i kind of typed a lot here 😭

joe didnt wear his wedding ring almost at all on tourdust or eurodust either (there’s the joe coffee run picture that he’s wearing it, but i believe that was taken in la, and he lives in la, so he could have just dropped it off at home or whatever lol), but it actually goes much further back than that! iirc joe started first inconsistently wearing his wedding ring in 2017 or so, and he and his wife had a baby the next year, so it is not necessarily the sign of a split or anything that he is not wearing it :-)

there could be many many reasons that he doesn’t wear it while touring/playing. it may be the case that he doesn’t like to travel with it for fear of losing it, especially considering his ring was upgraded recently ish it seems. see the pics below, left picture=2019 or so i believe, right picture=early 2023 from the hmlag shoot. as you can see the new ring has a different design, there’s some carving or maybe there’s even like diamonds in the band idk it’s hard to see fully, but it really could be the case that it’s a much more expensive ring, thus not wanting to travel with it because of the cost to replace if he lost it

there are also other personal reasons he may choose to not wear it: it could be for fluctuating finger sizes due to medical reasons or weight changes (i am not implying it looks like he gained or lost weight lol it doesn’t seem that way, but even small weight changes that are invisible to us can impact your finger size, or a high-sodium diet can contribute the fingers swelling more, so on and so forth), it could be the case that it’s become uncomfortable to play in (as an example, there’s that one video from 2013 or so of an acoustic performance where patrick removes his wedding band because of the slide sound it’s making on the neck of the guitar, so it’s not inconceivable that a wedding ring could get in the way/be uncomfortable for playing in), or SOOO many different reasons that he stopped wearing it that we may not know about (and that’s ok!!)

during their last show (or maybe one of their last shows? i can’t remember for sure but def a december 2023 show) he brought out this lil number which appears to be a silicone ring. and he only used this for one show and hasn’t brought it back since, but it just may not have been an alternative that worked for him. i know for example my uncle had a bad allergic reaction on his hands when he tried to switch to a silicone wedding band, so maybe something similar could have happened to joe with this silicone band, or just not liking the feel of it, etc

another piece of evidence that i think should soothe you as well, he was wearing his real ring during his christmas video, even if he wasn’t wearing his ring almost at all during 2023 tour :)

as well, i’m not going to include the pics (but you can find it easily on meredith’s reel lol), but marie was at andy and meredith’s wedding too, just another lil piece of evidence that im not concerned about the state of their relationship :)

lastly, its important to know that he has marie’s initials tattooed on the inner part of his ring finger (the m is covered up by his wedding band in these pics but i can’t find others where it’s more visible lol), so even when he’s not wearing his wedding ring, it’s like she’s always with him :-) and i bet that’s part of the reason that he doesn’t seem overly concerned with finding an alternative band, because functionally the tattoo still shows his commitment to her <33

aside from all of this even, im not worried about their relationship; joe has been head over heels for her from the moment they met, so i think they will be together forever and ever 💖 (and well god forbid if they do ever split i may have to cermet soup of side bc i love them so much…yes im a crazy insane joegirl yes i like rpf BUT ALSO yes i love marie and their relationship in general WE EXIST. do they need a third or perhaps another dog i can bark etc etc)

[the-slut-verses]

sayer relisten thots, s2

this came out from 2014-2015 and it really feels like it

which is to say, reminds me of that time when wtnv was the biggest audio drama, and the gateway pod of most ppl, and u could hear a lot of its influence in other pods, and a lot of pods were recommended by comparing them to night vale, "this pod is like wtnv but x"

lol i remember getting recommended sayer and wolf 359 around that time by ppl describing them as "wtnv but in space" cuz they're both horror adjacent kinda and had an audio broadcast framing device

i dont think that's applicable to wolf, and I don't think wtnv was a direct inspiration for sayer, but there are a lot of parallels, and i think both were inspired by the twilight zones

but yeah, both of these shows have a lot of comedy segments like, the weird vaguely threatening station announcements, the recreational activities that feel like mind game traps, the absurd nonsense statements from authority figures

and also the approach to horror by taking a normal mundane thing and then making it really fucked up

the disappearing reappearing door crisis feels very wtnv to me

and also the story structure and pacing reminds me of wtnv, like how, early eps would offhandedly mention bits about the wider world, and then eps later in the season would focus directly on them

and how, the eps are generally standalone but as the season goes on, the eps start to have more direct continuity with each other and the main plot progresses

im just pointing it out cuz it makes me nostalgic for that time i was first getting into this medium

lol i first tried getting into sayer sometime in 2017, but i couldn't make it far cuz i found sayer's voice too relaxing and i kept zoning out and falling asleep. only got into it in 2020 cuz i saw good smut of it and i had became more of a monster fucker then and got more out of it

i only realize now that this season had some sort of ARG thing with the weird distorted audios in the ending of some eps, if any of y'all can explain what became of it, i'd really like to know!

on that note, there were like,,, 3 episodes that had a more obtuse style and had a subplot of a scientist and their assistant maybe?? getting into office politics drama,, i think the characters were named after patrons, like i remember a guy named caufield, i assume it's related to the ARG

i also wonder if that dirt scientist that was sabotaged and buried in his lab is related to that, sayer implies that there's a wider plot there but i couldn't tell if that ever got a follow-up

on that note, the q and a mentioned a crossover with a lovecraftian actual play pod from the same network, did that ever come up in the sayer feed? or is that the thing with the staircase of leng cult that summoned the tall man

on that note, im noticing now more that aerolith is just,,, so badly run as a company and reminds me of those tech bros that think technology can fix everything while just creating more needless problems

like, aerolith wanted better automatic doors and they ended up summoning indescribable horrors from another reality, like wow good job on that one y'all

also, assuming the one off resident characters are a representative sample size, typhon has an absurd death rate

that's just really funny to me in the wider context of the world cuz sayer keeps complaining about how expensive it is to train new recruits and ship em to typhon but when they get there, they're treated as expendable

which implies a large percentage of aerolith's budget goes to just shipping new ppl to typhon probably

i love that, when sayer has to do a human voice, it comes out sounding like dr young, and he sounds like an absolute rat of a man <3

all the sayer/young interactions are so funny with the foreknowledge of what went down in s5

idk it feels like exes that are coworkers

also i really love sayer in this cuz its delusions of being the peak of efficiency and productivity is shattered in every episode by virtue of an ep having to have at least a 20 minute run time when sayer just really needed to say 2 sentences

like that ep where it was telling a scientist that he was getting brainwiped cuz he acted like a hero and aerolith can't have that. and sayer just needed to have a 20 minute monologue about the follies of man and emotion and earth or whatever

also i love how sayer's so bitchy and defensive when ppl try to be friendly with it like

a resident could be like "hey sayer, i noticed that the board ignored your research, how do you feel about that." and sayer is all like "um actually, i'm beyond human emotions i don't get angry fuck you and fuck your species stop projecting"

[littleturtlefish]

Stuff I drew/thought of while playing Omori (Part 1) [SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE GAME!!!!]

*sees that Omori, a game I've heard of 3 years ago, came out* "oh cool. ill just watch a walkthrough video since-" *immediately gets interested 20 mins in and dusts off my old-ass laptop to play it*

When I started the game, first thought was "Is that kid wearing a skirt? Wait, is Omori even a boy??? Did I get everything wrong????" The only Omori-related stuff I saw was a 2017 trailer + a video showing the original comics with "Pure Imagination" playing in the background (this one) but even that was years ago. Also am blind and keep thinking his shorts = skirts til this day

Thought Kel and Aubrey were siblings cuz they sure acted like it lmao [idk if it's original source but this person inspired me. also holy cow i never thought about how much time these things took. 1 hour of my life spent making a shitpost]

bASIL CALLED OMORI CUTE AND I WILL KEEP REMEMBERING THAT AWWWW [before you go "wtf is that shading," lemme just say that I really like that style of shading ok give me a breaK-]

Happy Omori is cute, never saw him smile before :,D (I've seen so many ppl say it's obviously a forced smile ((and you guys are likely right lol)) but I just...can't see it???? he just looks cute to me :<)

Furious Omori is...uh...

Me, seeing that scary scene in Basil's house and Omori stabbing himself: oh right this is a horror game haha

Me, during the entire dark house section: man was this steak drugged— STOP FUCKING KNOCKING ITS SCARING ME, CALM DOWN— WAIT MARI IS THAT SCREAM GUY?!?!??!? [i put so much effort into the robe's line art yet i still chose to color it black]

Seriously, I despised the constant knocking because knocks in real life makes me flinch and want to run away. Also, after that impressingly silent and non-moving Mari jumpscare, I got chills and decided to go straight to my bed (in game). Absolutely hated the cutscene of Sunny just staring at random places in his room because I totally thought I was gonna see Hellmari again

In my sleep-deprived mind, the sounds you hear when you get a key reminded me so much of the Markiplier E meme and I couldn't wait to get an E, L, and an F just to make jokes

Me, seeing a sunflower has wilted: basil's dead isn't he. my favs always die smh

I get way too involved in RPGs and spent the entire time murdering bunnies and sprout moles (was probably worth it since I rarely died in boss fights or maybe the main bosses were just easy. i dont talk about the earth fight.)

I hate the spelling bee.

Fun fact: At this point, I lost all my save files (probably due to stupid windows computer updating) and had to restart the entire game. I was a lot less grindy this time around :,)

"Do you think you're going to be okay, OMORI?" No.

facing your fear of heights is really that easy, huh

haha, what's this big guy doing behind this tree? What does it mean by "disturb"— AAAAAAAAAAA IM NOT PREPARED HOLD O— (I ran away from this fight immediately lol)

why is the life jam guy's theme actually really good tho (question: is it possible to kill that guy? Can someone, like, give themselves the highest speed + attack possible and just absolutely destroy that being?)

[since the life jam guy has violins in his theme, sunny wouldve had no problem fighting omori if life jam guy was there. just saying. man will i look so stupid if life jam guy doesnt actually have violins in his theme]

I heard an air horn during the "torturing that scarecrow" part of the game and that gave me the personal quest of finding wherever that was used (pretty sure it's from one of Kel's skills but never tried it :p)

Space Boy's theme is 👌👌👌👌

Ah...right...back to horror...

It was at this moment that every time I sensed some of that psychological horror coming back, I would immediately turn on my lights (was playing this game at 2 AM with lights off because it's for the 🌺✨experience✨🌺 but gave up on that pretty soon lmao)

For the jump scare in this part, I legit had to look it up beforehand because I HATE jump scares that actually move + use audio and I had to know if the game had stuff like that. Honestly, I do not regret looking that up. Still was creepy but it was worth it to finally say "Press F to pay respects"

[ofaprilflowers]

- part 2: home? - 

warnings: descriptions of injuries, not too detailed.

tags: shout out to my first-ever requested tags, @sista7-7​  @softieus​ and @marrambles​ yay! Thank you for reading and sorry for the late update TT. Hope you guys enjoy :)

disclaimers: I am not a medical professional, this is all part of my imagination and totally made-up therefore is in no way accurate. If you find any part I could improve on, do tell. I would appreciate the feedback. Other than that, enjoy! <3

previous/next

It took another week for me to finally be discharged. A week of rehabilitation and physiotherapy (which Dr. Hwang said would be continued after my discharge TT). I had lost strength in my extremities and also my sense of balance. This, I found out after almost falling down right on my face when I attempted to climb out of bed for the first time. Almost, well because thankfully, he was there. 

My parents had arrived the night I woke up. My mother immediately cupping my face, tears brimming in her eyes while my father just took my hand in his and smiled every time I looked his way. 

It felt surreal, honestly. My family and I were close. But we were not exactly the type to be crying and holding each other, or professing our love for each other. We were the laugh-at-each-other’s-life-problems-cuz-I-had-it-worse-than-you type of family. Then again, for me it felt like I was waking up from a long nap, while for them, they didn’t know whether I would make it or not so, fair enough.

Turns out, the accident was pretty bad. My head had to be stitched up and so now there was a nasty gash above my left eye (it was definitely gonna scar but let’s not think about that right now). My arms where full of cuts and scrapes from the broken windshield. My legs and chest, badly bruised. Dr. Hwang said they had healed fairly well in the past two weeks, but I still cringed at how ugly they looked every time I caught a glimpse. He also mentioned that I was lucky not to have sustained any other serious injuries other than my head trauma. I was grateful of course, but losing my memory was deleterious enough. 

I woke up every morning feeling confused as to why the heck I was at a hospital and it took a few groggy minutes to remember. Sometimes it took seeing Jaehyun- either curled up asleep on the armchair or standing next to the window with a cup of coffee in hand- for me to come crashing back into reality. 

I learnt through my mother- who had attempted to fit the past 2 weeks of my unconsciousness along with the last 6 years into a 2 day crash-course- that Jaehyun was the only one who stayed at the hospital every day and night. My mother had stayed the first week, as my condition stabilised however, she opted to visiting daily. That also depended on whether my father was available to drive her 45 minutes to the hospital from home. You see, my parents were rational people, but I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of hurt. I mean I was laying unconscious on a hospital bed yet there were still other important stuff to be handled. Well, as they say, life goes on, right? Kind of made me think if I had just hallucinated the tears brimming in her eyes the other day.

While my mother would babble on about looking on the bright side and starting my life again, Jaehyun’s presence was like having a burden be lifted. I know I’ve lived most of our “acquaintence-ship” hating him, but I made a mental note to properly thank him for this in particular. On every occasion that my head felt like it was about to burst from the overwhelming information my mother was flooding me with, he’d interject, naturally bringing her focus to something other than trying to piece me back together. Often times he’d ask her to join him for a cup of coffee, or show her things he was currently working on. I’d close my eyes then and pretend to fall asleep.

“So, you’re saying, I should continue my life��‘as normal as possible’. Meaning?” We (the doctor and I) were currently in his office. By tomorrow morning I was finally leaving. Goodbye to the sanitary, boring hospital, hello to......well, life?

The doctor had explained all the procedures and follow-up appointments that were to come. Both to Jaehyun and I. Then, we talked about going home and that’s when I realised, home had changed. I don’t know how we had avoided addressing it, or maybe I was the only one in denial of it. I mean throughout the week after regaining consciousness, although Jaehyun was there, we barely talked. Mostly because I became a selective mute, and he, well I guess he was respecting my space?

Dr. Hwang had noticed the awkward silence that had passed after he mentioned about going home and quickly changed the subject, calling in a nurse to guide Jaehyun in signing my discharge papers or something. After he left, the doctor didn’t hesitate in putting on what I call his “uncle-face”.

“As normal as possible, meaning that it’s better if you return to your daily routines prior to the accident,” he explained for the nth time.

I fidgeted in my seat. “But, wouldn’t that cause me more distress? It’s a life a barely know.” “Astrid,” he began, straightening his back. “I understand how hard it my be for you to wrap you head around all this. 6 years is a lot. But it is your life. Your experiences and memories throughout that period were real, and you deserve to remember them. You need to give your life a chance.”

Well, damn. He had a point. He should’ve been a therapist instead.

“And, what if my memories don’t come back?” I prodded.

“Well then, at least maybe you’ll learn more about yourself.” Okay, then. Here we go, Astrid.

We live in a loft?!?!

Pretty sure my eyes were bulging out of my head but wow.

Eyes wandering around the space, I tried to take in everything at once. This was certainly NOT what I had expected. This can’t be real right? I must absolutely be dreaming.

“Welcome...home?” Jaehyun said.

My head snapped in his direction, mouth agape. He smiled sheepishly, his infamous dimples popping out, his hands tucked into his jean pockets, his shoulders lifted briefly. He looked like a child, shyly presenting to the world his greatest creation. I almost smiled. Almost. 

“You like it?” he asked.

I scoffed. “For real?”

My eyes turned back to the space he had referred to as home. Well, it didn’t feel like home (yet. Remember Astrid we’re giving this a chance), but yes, I absolutely love it!

I took in my surroundings again and this time, couldn’t help the smile that crept up my cheeks. 

The space was gorgeous. It was big, but not huge. It was small, but not tiny. It was spacious enough to have everything and more. There was an L-shaped sofa that could probably fit 5 or maybe even 7 people if squeezed in together. There were even 2 more smaller ones in front of it. Perfect for a small gathering. Opposite the living room was a kitchen, with a small kitchen island. God, I’ve always dreamed of having an island. There was another floor and at the stairs leading up to it were ceiling-high windows with a bumped-out seat, all set with pillows on one end and potted plants on the other. It looked like the perfect spot to read or stargaze at night. I walked into the living room, the brick walls were covered in framed movie posters and artwork, some smaller frames containing pictures which I guessed were probably a collection of memories.

I stepped closer and caught a glimpse of some familiar faces in unfamiliar settings. One photo caught my eye. It was a photo I remember, taken earlier this ye- I mean well, early 2017, right after graduation. I was sandwiched between Jungwoo and Ten, holding up a peace sign to the camera. Jaehyun on Jungwoo’s other side, hand around the latter’s shoulders. Others in the picture smiling widely, so many poses, so many expressions. Literally, it felt like yesterday. 

“You remember that?” Jaehyun probed. 

I smiled. “Yeah, just a couple weeks before Taeil’s birthday bash, right?”

Then, something flickered in my mind. Of Jaehyun, smirking at a table with his friends, of them exchanging words and laughter, of me hearing something I probably shouldn’t have. Jaehyun had many circles of friends, being the typical extroverted, super-friendly campus sweetheart. This circle was one I wasn’t quite familiar with, least to say I didn’t really like them. I felt my cheeks heat up as my blood boiled at the thought of that memory.

“You wanna see upstairs?” Jaehyun’s voice pulled me back into reality. I turned to look at him. He was standing right next to me, looking almost exactly the same as the Jaehyun I knew. The Jaehyun that I couldn’t stand being in the same room with. The Jaehyun that always had a competitive, mischievous glint in his eye. The Jaehyun that would take every chance he got to argue with everything I said. The Jaehyun that made me feel like I had to defend everything I had. 

There was a slight difference, though. The competitive, mischievous glint was somehow...softer. It made me confused, because I was angry, but looking at him now, I don’t know who to be angrier at. Me, or him?

“Ummm, I think, I just- I just wanna lie down,” I tore my eyes away from him and took a step back, putting just a little more distance between him and I.

I saw his fists clench and unclench a bit at his sides. A moment passed until he said, “Yeah. Sure,” walking back towards the doors he picked up my hospital bag and gestured towards a room behind him.

“This is actually, um, our bedroom, but don’t worry, I’ve moved most of my stuff upstairs so this space is all yours,” dropping the bags on the bed, he stepped aside to allow me in. It was a beautiful room, with slanted windows, decorated with some more plants. 

“So, feel free to look around, get used to the place and all. Oh yeah, um, this is the bathroom,” he opened a door on the left of the room, then gestured toward a closet in front of the bed, “Your pyjamas are in the top drawer and, uh, well, um, everything else is-”

“I’ll take a look,” I smiled at him briefly.

His eyes landed on mine for a moment, then quickly looked away. 

“Yeah, okay, so um, I’ll be outside, if you need anything just, um,” his hands, one scratching at the back of his neck, the other gesturing undecidedly, “yeah.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Okay,” he replied. He stood there for a second, then turned to leave the room.

“Jeahyun?”

“Hmm?” he snapped his head towards me, eyebrows lifted in question.

“Thank you,” I breathed.

I saw a bit of tension leave his body. “You don’t need to thank me, Astrid,” he replied softly. “This is- this is your home too.” With a tight-lipped smile, he closed the door behind him.

[jflove]

Taekook/Vkook: From things I gathered so far

First of all, it’s just my thinking, I could be wrong. So if im wrong, then just think of this post as a fanfic. So, I started listening/watching BTS just this week. Yeah i know, very late for the party. but i dont usually listen to K-pop, so I came across them simply because they’re everywhere recently. 

They amazed me like most of the world right now, i started to watch their interview or v-live vids just to know them better. 

Then i saw a old news about they almost break the group in 2018, i was really shocked, so i watched the 2018 festa, heard that V talked about Suga write a long massage to him and end with I love you. then Suga said he also sent to another person. 

then Jungkook raised his hand.

i found it a bit weird why he didn’t say it earlier, wait till Suga pointed out another person? But i didn’t think into it. the news commented that Suga cared for the two youngest members, and said the almost disbanded reason was pressure from the fame.

Then i came across those Taekook vids, lots of them with detail analyse, those were too many i can’t repeat. i grow up with Japan’s boy groups, those were K-pop’s beginning, so im no new to those fan service behavior. But I really feel this wasn’t the case.

The first one really bring up suspicious, is when Jimin asked if JK was happy, then JK said yes and thank fans.

I was really shocked to see that, because Jimin actually lower his voice, it doesn’t sound like a joke. 

And also JK’s answer... i have to say hes not the best improviser on cover up. He stop for a sec then said something in a weak tone....

He didn’t ask why Jimin say that or anything, like a normal person been wrongfully accused. Just really nervous laughing.

Cute, but boi.

Then theres that famous sleeping together on a boat:

And also those v-live busted:

Jungkook wasn’t wearing clothes when V came, but they exchanged some shady text before. So theory was probably V told him hes coming but didn’t say he would bring the cam, so... poor JK.

Anyway there are lots of them, so im not gonna go threw everything. Just my theory: I would guess they probably started just good friends, they both has the same weirdness, and similar age. And JK said he think V really good looking a lot from the beginning. V would pet JK like a puppy and hug him every chance he got.

Though other’s like the little bro too, but clearly they were the closest.

And most of all, V likes(or needs) to hug something to sleep, and little JK didn’t like sleep alone. So they just naturally sleep together all the time. And other hyungs were used to it. they know each other more than any other members too.

 at first I guess they started to make out around 2017, but now i think probably 14-15. I have to keep changing the timeline earlier because more i dig, more i think it happened very early. 2013 When the group started, Jungkook looked so shy and everyone teased him. V’s teasing a bit different, more intimate or inappropriate even. Like the pic above, JK often looks shy and tries to get away. There’re also a vid (I forgot where i saw it) everyone sit down talking, V held JK under his arm and grabbing his nipple, JK looked so uncomfortable and low key tried to get away.  But that dynamic soon changed, JK suddenly more confident, can tease back, and possessive of V. i think they started to make out during that time. explain why JK used to so awkward when V teased him, because he got aroused by those joking behavior and embarrassed. But after confirmed that the feeling was mature. He’s all exciting and totally in love. But I don’t think they really consider the other one as lover till 2016, could be when V left the group for the movie shooting, the separation made them realized their own feeling. if i can be a bit pervert, i would say before that could just jerking, making out, normal stuff. but 16 or 17 are the time they really doing it and become lovers.

this vid was form 03.24.2017, i saw it from other people’s great vid. pls go watch it, so informational. In this vid you can hear some kissing sound. I used to think this time was they first build up the real sexual relationship so they couldn’t control themselves. But now i think maybe because company were(are) pressing them, so its their way to get back. So as those sneaky tease, it’s their way to express their feeling under the company rules.

Maybe at first was boys fooling around, but it turn to real general love very quick. It’s not just some dazed and confused, they supported each other in a high pressure industry full with adults. Train together, work together, live together. That would definitely create a strong bond. And I believe them made each other grow a better person. V becomes more thoughtful, discovered his ability on dancing, singing, and song writing. And the very capable JK becomes more caring, confident, and found his mental support he can always rest his head when he really tired.

The another shock for me was the behind scene of Winter Bear.

first of all, JK isn’t in the credit so why was he there lol? Second, that phone lol. JK’s symbol is rabbit. so no matter who that phone is all quite suspicious.  Although there’re some camera sound, but it doesn’t looks like another person was shooting, the sound and camera shift could edit in. or just ask the camera person leave the camera after couple shoots. Anyway, i think the camera was on the bed was the tiny movement matched their move so it could be just mattress bouncing. But the important thing i want to talk about was this:

That damn boi was freaking jerking off right?! His top all opened up, his left hand was under the cover, and there were some tiny panting and chest movement... i watched like at least 20 times, its gotta be. And there’s a cut couple sec later, changed to JK singing winter bear with a smirk face.

cus he freaking knew the song is about him.  yeah. I think V made that song cuz JK. He said before that JK really hates people waking him up. so i guess kinda like a bear?

 Then there’s the walking with JK’s dog scene. Before the behind scene came out, people argued about whether JK was involved. But now, yeah, i would say he probably the person filming since he already filming V a lot on his personal account “golden closet film“... do i even need to say anything about the name?

Back on the bear. 

V only held one bear, and the finishing had two bears.

Two bears, how could that be any more obvious?? Two bears, two boys likes to sleep together. do the math.

do you even wanna talk how close he and the person filming? don’t think a professional would film like this. and the look in V’s eyes, the tiny smile on his lips... im tired to go over this, why do i even need to point out? use your eyes.

So, conclusion, I think they were in love since 2017. And the other members all know about it. There are so many slips i wouldn’t gonna talk about it. it’s already a super long post.

Next, it’s the interfering phase. 2018. 

Anyway, Korea is not a gay-friendly country. And they have mandatory military service, which V and JK haven’t done. if you’re gay in Korea military, you could face jail time. And not to mention coming out in anywhere would be hard. The company started to separate V and JK, they won’t be in the same vid, even arrange different schedule for them. If it’s a group activity, then they couldn’t stand next to each other without others cut in-between.

I imagine its not a great job for the hyngs, probably why they talked about disband. Yeah, I went back to the first question i got and finished my quest. i think i found the real reason. and it explains why-->

See when Jin said it, V was looking at another person on his right side with that intense look, tell me that's not a look you look at someone you love but couldn’t be with.

And V all broke down, finally JK couldn’t watch it anymore.

I can’t find a close up, but i remember seeing in some other vids. JK was holding his tear and put on a calm face but you can see how hard he gritted.

it’s hard to find because they all got ban by the company. maybe my post would too... i heard there was a vid on YouTube point out the same thing and got ban by bighit. so... anyway. if you think im right, you can make a copy of my post and re-post it. don’t worry about copy my words, i don’t mind. if a lot of people did the same thing, then there would be no point to ban.

IM NOT DOWN HERE!!

That’s talk about this v live: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfHecRN_dLk

if you didnt watch it, go find it on youtu. This vid are so... all over the place. I didn’t understand till some great analysis (see the link above). i couldn’t go throw all the details why how or what... if you don’t believe, why you even read till here? 

Simply says, company wanna hide that JK and V was staying in the same room, so they probably ask V to leave the room, but V came back in the middle, everyone was super awkward, so Jin and Jimin left. V looked sad and pissed. He wouldn’t leave, so company sent someone to ring the bell, and told JK to ask V to leave.

see how uncomfortable that JK had to ask V to leave. i feel so bad for them both, had to follow those company stupid rules and pretend their relationship. How would that feel when you have the love one so close to you, but you can’t touch, can’t hold each other, can’t even say how important that person meant to you.

They’re in their 20s! they should be having fun with each other, posting those sweet pics and showing off their boyfriends, having the best. Instead, they can’t even stand together in public photo shooting.

People even thought they have issue with each other, can you imagine how insult that would be? have to see your fans pairing you and your lover with other people, but couldn’t say anything.

Then, that’s talk about the new album. because i think they’re not gonna be quite for long. remember RM made a speech in UN about not just love yourself, also need to speak yourself? I think they are gonna speak, that’s why RM hinted in this interview:

yes form the same youtuber, go find the vid.  He say something big could be coming, i do think definitely could be JK and V coming out. see how serious JK’s face? this kid got frown lines in just a year! People were shock that he looks much grown up in “ON”, i just feel sorry for him. hes only 22, he shouldn’t have to grow up so much. But love would do this to you, the things you do for love age you. V seems much older too, i couldn’t imagine how much pressure hes under. 

And we have to talk about the songs.

First, Jungkook’s My time. He said the same thing about have to grow up fast. Of course industry would do that to you, but he was always quite happy till couple years ago. love do make us weak and hurt, some love just harder than the other. In his song, he said don’t know what’s his time, I think maybe he was thinking about when to come out? But eventually he definitely will, because his song was for V, the lyric mostly was easy to understand, but 

Even if it's opposite of sun One time for the present (one time) Two time for the past (two time) these three lines i think sun means V’s name? probably means even against what V wants? but the one or two im not sure, how many times he disagree with V?

And time, my time, does that mean sexuality? or just simply means he couldn’t have time with V? so many possibility...

But i really wanna talk about V’s inner child. That’s the reason why i spent 4hrs writing this long ass post with my broken english. Not even sure would any one even bother to read... Because after everything i know and believe about V and JK, when i read the lyric i see a totally different song. a heart break love song for someone he knows for so long, when they both young. (im tearing up again) OK, call me imagine things all you want, if there’s a small chance they really are lovers and this song was for JK... just pretend that and read+listen the song again.

At that time, we had it tough While looking up at those stars in the sky, too far out of reach You at that time, didn't believe in galaxies But I saw it, a silver galaxy It must have hurt, it must have been so difficult I ran towards the endless light 

The first part is the beginning of their story, they wanna be like those stars, but JK wasn’t sure about himself. V believes they can make it. so they went for it, even have to go through all those lies and suffering.

and the chorus... 

It tingles, that summer day's air The cold sounds of the grey-lit streets I draw in a breath and knock at your door We gon' change 

maybe how things happened? Not sure the summer is a  metaphor or a real time though. this change means they fell in love.

Now I wish we would smile more It will be okay, because today's me is doing fine Yesterday's you, now it's all clear I want to hug the many thorns in the budding rose The smiling kid, the child who was always laughing brightly When I see you like that, I can't help smiling

The second part is breaking my heart. I think hes telling JK not to worry about him. He doesn’t mind those thorns(all the obstacles they have to face), he want  the rose(JK or their love relationship). And the smiling kid part just makes me cry every time. The line “Yesterday’s you”, Im not sure means he can sees JK’s grown up, or... When i sense that their relationship might be the almost disband reason, i think probably one of them wanted to go against the company, open their relationship. But the other one refused. That’s why they end up still the same. I thought was V wanted to open, because he’s more don’t care about what people think kinda person.  but now i think might be JK. That’s why V was crying so hard on the stage, because hes the one hiding. He felt sorry for JK, and JK held him showed he support his decision. And if that’s true, then the whole “yesterday you” could means that V understand why JK want to go public now. Another thing why i suddenly think JK is the one wanted to come out, is the “Golden Closet Film” name. And It’s started at 2017.11.08... probably the time they talked about coming out, but decided not to, he was frustrated and felt been pressed by the company into this glamorous closet.

the chorus this time means another change, maybe they broke up, or put a hold on their relationship. but i would think... maybe when V made the song, he didn’t know what would happen. this song was what he wanted to say to JK, so he could bring this song to JK and play or sing to him. See what would he choose.

Therefore comes the next part which is dancing in my tears: 

Tonight, if I reach my hand to yours Can you hold that hand? I'll become you You just have to look at my galaxies Be showered with all those stars I'll give you my world The lights illuminating your eyes, they're the me of now You’re my boy, my boy My boy, my boy, my boy

Is V asking JK to come out with him? i couldn’t figure out every single words mean but i don’t have to, that’s something V said to JK, the meaning belongs to them, we can just shared a bit of his emotion. there are just so many love and begging, calling for the boy he deeply in love with. every single word hurt me deeply because they are so real and pure.

If someone wrote something like this song to you, you need to grab that person tight. You might never meet another person could love you more than that.

I don’t know if JK hold V’s hand, like I said in the beginning, i could be all wrong and this is just a fanfic. But it’s the ending, if you still with me. let me make a wild guess...

If they come out on one of the coming concert, that would be epic.  I worry for them of course, I wish them nothing but happiness. I truly don’t want to see this great kids suffer anymore. So maybe its a good thing if im wrong, or the storm might swallow them all. No matter what, i will keep supporting them, hope most of the army too. 

[carbootsoul]

i was tagged by @katarahairloopies!!! thank u :mwah:

name: leo! @/zeitgeistofnow on ao3, @lazypigeon & @timetohope on here, altho i’m considering uh switching back to not having an art blog :/ i have to think abt it.

fandom(s): ace attorney is my main one rn bc i’m replaying the games with a friend of mine and it’s reminding me how invested i am in the characters!! a lot of my recent fic is atla stuff, altho i’ve been distancing myself from the fandom bc i’ve kinda exhausted my interest in it. finally i’ve been reading a lot of mp100 fic but i don’t think i’ll ever write for it. i just love how dumb all the characters r (with the dubious exception of ritsu)

where you post: ao3!! tbh i always get suprised when people say they write/read fic on any other platform like i haven’t messed around w wattpad or ff.net since middle school... catch up........

most popular oneshot: going just by “one chapter” as the definition of a oneshot, the firestarters, bc it’s fluffy and modern au :) i wouldn’t necessarily call it a oneshot tho bc to me a oneshot shows like, one scene? so like by my definition and your sweet sweet sun makes me crazy (i wanna lay you down and see how you amaze me is my most popular!! (also @ kit u thought UR fic titles were unnecessarily long??? i’ve hit the ao3 LIMIT for characters in titles. it’s about the aesthetic

most popular multichapter fic: sdkjflakjlkj it’s two crowned kings; and one that stood alone, which is a w359 fic i wrote back in late 2017. it’s literally the last fic i haven’t orphaned from when i actually wrote podcast fic (i have 4 other podcast fics but they were all borne out of nostalgia and written after i stopped participating in the fandom). i rewrote all but the last chapter? the last two? about a year ago and i fucked up halfway through so like chapter 6 and 7 are repeated and there’s something missing but i’m too lazy to fix it. no one’s going to read it now anyway :) it WAS the top minlace fic for a little while tho which i take great pride in.

favorite story you’ve written so far: oh that’s a hard question akfsldkfj i honestly like most of them!! and i write a LOT so there’s a lot to choose from. tonight, we are young is def one of my favorites- it was fun to write and i got to explore the ways zuko and yue r similar, which i LOVE to do outside of a zukka/yukka view. you can lean on my arm as you break my heart  is one that i’m really proud of? the whole “cooking as an expression of bato’s love” is definitely some of my favorites. a lot of my ace attorney fics would be categoried as my favorites if i hadn’t improved, too, if that makes sense. like they’re no long my favorites because i can see where my writing is shitty and it bothers me, but if i had written them a month ago they’d be my favorite.

fic you were nervous to post: figures 1-5: killing gods def!! it’s a lot more purple-prose-y than most of my fics and it was also written before i’d kinda like emersed myself in the atla fandom so i didn’t have as good a grasp on the general understanding of zuko’s character as i do now. tbh it’s one i’m rly happy w tho!! i have a few people leave really nice comments on it and rereading them makes me really happy. also it was the start of me hating the position of fire lord and being at least passively anti-it in my fics.

how you choose your titles: they’re almost all song lyrics!! only 14 of my 50 words AREN’T song lyrics and about half of those are from before i started writing ace attorney fic lol. sometimes i go into a fic with a song in mind for the vibes and then i usually go with lyrics from that (like in ‘cuz we’re the greatest /they’ll hang us in the louvre), but otherwise i usually pick an artist i’ve been listening to and go through their songs until i find a lyric that fits. sometimes the lyric doesn’t even really fit the fic and i just chose it at random or because i searching up the word “fly” in my spotify library or whatever. honestly i like coming up with titles? i know a lot of fic writers hate it but being able to just use song lyrics is v soothing for me and while i know that most people won’t search out a song just bc it’s a fic title like.. seeing that the title of a fic is a hozier lyric does affect how i read it and i kinda like that.

do you outline? i outline my long form/multichaptered fics with varying strictness. usually anything over ~8k will have some kind of outline. sometimes i go into it with every single scene planned out, sometimes it’s just notes on the side of the google doc that say “it's about MORE family. about how it's not betraying your existing family to find more” and “scenes i want to include: [...]” and “vampires... ngl kinda hot.” i’m trying to outline super strictly less bc i’ve found it’s less fun? but i do try to keep a plot arc in mind. since most of my fics are more character-driven than plot-driven, that usually just means keeping track of what character development i want to happen or what is motiviating the characters. 

complete: um everything posted on ao3 i guess. also the MULTITUDE of orphaned fics out there asksfjldkj i always click ‘leave my pseud on’ so if u look up my username you see all of my fics and then a. lot of other ones.

in progress: - a fic titled ‘dad phoenix’ that is actually just a no DL-6 au with defense attorney miles edgeworth and single dad bartender phoenix where neither of them want to date for A While but phoenix gets wrapped up in one of miles’s cases. it’s about family. it’s about writing teenagers. it’s about the background franmaya which is ALWAYS what i’m here for in wrightworth fics - a franmaya werewolf/vampire au because i’m ~gay~ and love rivals to lovers and also franziska and maya both being angry their older brothers r dating each other. - my secret santa fic!! which i can’t talk about much but it does feature toph and zuko and also piandao and jeong jeong???? idk where they came from but they are Part Of The Fic Now also i forgot iroh existed for half the fic and wrote piandao as zuko’s father figure and now i’m in too deep. - a 5+1 bakoda fic (maybe a bato/hakoda/kay fic??? i need to decide. that’s part of why this fic is still incomplete bc i can’t decide which relationship dynamic i prefer) that’s 5 times bato said he loves hakoda and one time hakoda said it back. possibly i have already written him saying i love u back and i need to change the title a little. - retail au klapollo where klavier works at an overpriced boutique and apollo comes in to buy earrings for nahyuta’s birthday. klavier gives him a punch card (one that the store doesn’t actually offer anymore as a bid to get apollo to come back) and all of apollo’s family come in to use the punch card and also give klavier variations on the shovel talk/find out if he’s actually into apollo. - a LOT of atla fics that i don’t think i’ll ever finish :(

coming soon/not yet started:  - i want to write some blackmadhi bc they’re.. cute..... and it’s a good excuse to also write athena and i love her - my stuff for yueki week!!! i have NOT prepped enough but hopefully i’ll remember in time! i wrote the prompts in a way that kinda set up stuff i’ve already wanted to write (don’t look at me lol) so hopefully i’ll get at least two or three fics finished in time. - i want to rewrite the wrightworth fic i have about them not getting married bc it was interesting and i like what i wrote about but i think i could have written it better and made it more interesting. rewriting fics is hard tho bc i’m never sure if it makes sense to just edit in the new work or to repost it? and then if u repost it do u delete the old one? conflicting so i might just not

do you accept prompts? totally!!! a disclaimer tho i’m not super into writing atla stuff anymore (most of the atla stuff i’m still writing is  something i made a commitment to finish) so if your prompt is an atla one i probably won’t do it :/ basically anything else is fair game tho!! podcasts/aa/sa/uh i don’t remember anything else but like if you search a fandom on my blog and come up with more than two posts about it chances r i’d be happy to write fic for it!

upcoming work that you’re most excited about:��oh huh i mean probably the no dl-6 au!!! it’s the longest ace attorney fic i’ve written already and since it’s wrightworth it’ll get more attention than any franmaya fic i write. my standards r so high now tho after getting to much feedback from atla fans... love u all... obviously i have no choice but to pressure my atla mutuals into playing ace attorney. pls ask abt it bc i WIll Give You A Sales Pitch about why you’d like it in relation to atla

tagging: i’m not rly tagging anyone!!! @deadflora if you still consider urself a fic writer also consider urself tagged! also any of my other mutuals who write fic i just can’t think of anyone rn

[dayasbun]

Fame - Angus Cloud (6)

Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.

Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 {reading now}

-

“Okay! So all we’re doing today is the makeout scene, sound good?”

You and Angus nodded, both sitting on the poster bed with cameras surrounding you.

“What did I do?” He muttered to you for the tenth time that afternoon, and just like the other nine times, you didn't respond. Just hours before, Z had properly informed you of Angus’s secret girlfriend, someone he clearly had a thing with-but made sure to tell you nothing of.

THAT MORNING...

“Z!” You rushed over to her, your eyes wide as Storm came up beside you two.

“You have to film in an hour don’t you?” Zendaya questioned, quickly pulling out her phone. You nodded giving Storm a quick smile.

“Yeah, and you already know what I have to film-”

“Mmmmm right, you gotta make out with Angus, trust me we know. Everybodys talking about it, they won’t let us on set to watch y’all though, we tried.”

“I can’t stand you two,” You laughed shaking your head “Anyway, you know why I’m here. What you find out about Angus? That you texted me about last night? And make it quick, I gotta go to hair and makeup in a bit.”

“I’m debating if we should tell you before or after you film your scenes…”

“You basically already told her Ms. Blabbermouth, so just tell her the full thing.” Storm said to Z with a shrug.

“I am not a blabbermouth! I think its just right that she knows!”

“Then tell me Daya, come on!”

“Okay, okay. So my social media is set up so that when someone is following me I can see who follows them that I also follow without even clicking on- this doesn’t make sense, anyway! This girl followed me and the only person following her that I also follow was Angus. I didn’t think much of it, shes public so I wanted to check out her pictures cuz I was bored. She doesn’t have that many followers, but this girl is hot. Like I’m not even gay and she’s fine as hell, that’s why I was going through her pictures because she was just so gorg-”

“She’s pretty, I get it, can we move on?”

“Oh- Sorry. So yeah, I’m scrolling and I get to this picture of her on some man’s lap right? You cant see his face or anything, and there’s no tag. This was posted last month by the way. So there’s no tag or caption, but guess who commented?!”

“Wild guess, Angus?”

“Exactly! And guess what he said?”

“I don’t have time or patience for guessing right now-”

“He commented- and I quote, ‘Baby I miss you, sit on my lap again’ with those nasty thirst trap emojis! So I’m like wait a minute! And I’m going through her pictures now for a whole other reason. I find out they been dating since 2017 and she has a million pictures with him on her page all booed up but get a load of this- she literally never tags him. She always tags this other guy named Steve.”

You let out a huff and crossed your arms. “That’s fucked up. Real fucked up.”

“Yeah, I kn-”

“But I am not going to let it affect me today. I have to make out with him either way for our scene, so being petty isn’t necessary. I’m going to go on that damn set, and I won’t say a single word to him unless it’s on the fucking script!”

NOW...

“And...action!”

Angus let out a long sigh before jumping into the scene for the seventh time. You could tell it was bothering him why you were suddenly giving him the cold shoulder due to it affecting his performance as being Fez. You wanted to feel bad, but who just decides it’s cute to lead practical double lives? You tried to move the topic out of your mind so you wouldn't feel completely livid again and focused on the scene in front of you.

“Don’t do that girl, you got me fucked up.”

“Don’t do what? This?” You bit your lip and moved closer to him.

“You just tryna get some today ain't you?”

“I've been trying to get some since when I came back last week, Fez. But I’m glad you finally decided to notice.”

“Lemme gives you some then, come ‘ere.”

You got onto his lap wrapping your legs around his waist, just like you had the night before. You looked into his eyes and you felt your heart melt, and at this point, you didn't know if you were in character or if this was just you.

But then you remembered you were most likely the side chick.

Your facial expression hardened a bit, not enough for the cameras to pick it up, but you knew Angus noticed. Before he could ask you what was wrong or what he did for the eleventh time and ruin the scene, you pressed your lips to his and kissed him deep.

“Fuck baby...” he groaned into your mouth, his hands working their way up and under your shirt to cup your breasts. Once his large hands reached them, he gave them a nice squeeze causing your breath to hitch as you bounced a little.

Yeah, sure you were mad at him right now...but you loved that shit.

You grinned a bit wrapping your arms around his neck and pushing him down onto the bed. “You want me Fez?” You moaned out in a breathy tone, pulling your shirt over your head.

“Fuck yeah I want you girl, take this shit off for me.”

As you slowly unclipped your bra, you specifically remembered that at this point in the script he was to say ‘Jess’, not girl. But of course, the one-time {yesterday} you wanted him to say girl he had to say Jes-

Your thoughts were quickly interrupted by a sudden “Cut!” from the crew. Letting out a breath you got off of Angus’s lap and clipped your bra. “Good stuff guys, we need Daya and Hunter next so if you see ‘em remind them its time for their scenes in about thirty minutes.”

You nodded putting your shirt back on, and trying to rush off of the set before Angus could catch up to you- but you failed.

“Aye,” he said walking by you “What's good?”

You shrugged. “I don’t really know what's good.”

“Why you acting like this, all different and shit. It’s on god starting to weird me out, what's the dealio wit’ you?”

“Just fuck off.”

Angus raised a brow and stopped walking. Thinking you finally had gotten him to leave you alone, you slowly walked to your trailer but ran into Jacob on the way.

“Hey!” You said softly. You hadn't exchanged many words with him over the time you'd been filming, but every time you had, he had been sweet and polite. The run down with Jacob was that he was talented and cute...that's about all you knew.

The conversation between you and Jacob was brief but pure. He asked you some questions about filming and you told him about how much you loved his performance in the show. Soon enough he reached his trailer and you two parted ways, leaving you alone as you walked to yours.

You stayed more focused on your phone that your surroundings, leading to you not realizing that Angus wasn't far behind you. As soon as you stopped walking and leaned against the side of your trailer, you felt someone in front of you. Looking up from your phone your eyes widened, why the fuck was he still here?

“Angus what the fu-”

“So you think you can talk to me like that?”

Suddenly feeling shy, your voice and confidence lowered. “I was playing...”

“And you think you can just flirt with anybody and everybody?”

“What are you-”

“Imma tells you something, so imma need you to listen to me real clear.”

You swallowed and nodded, looking up at him.

“Ion think you know this yet so imma let you know.” He placed his thumb on your cheek. “You mine, got it? Not Jacobs, not anybody fucking elses, mine.”

You almost couldn't believe the words you were hearin-

“Uh, Y/N, you good?” Jacob asked you. Quickly snapping out of it you nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine thanks.” What a hell of an imagination you had. You took a quick glance behind you and saw no one at all. Letting out a sigh you said goodbye to Jacob and walked into your trailer. As soon as you closed the door you heard a ding that was specially set for your male costar.

Angus☁️: come to my trailer. now.

and why should i do that?

Angus☁️: now Y/N im not fuckin around

im busy

Angus☁️: busy my fucking ass im fr

alr but don't expect me to stay.

Angus☁️ read at 1:34 PM

And even though you didn't quite know what was up yet, just from the texts you could tell that Angus was not happy.

-

taglist:

@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins @patientplum @babygurlbarnes

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

THURSDAY OCTOBER 8, one of the longest running television shows of our time begins airing the final episodes of it’s final season. Guys, Supernatural is 15. FIFTEEN. It can practically drive a car now. As one friend put it, “that show had a Quinceañera.” And if you don’t know how significant that is, think of the last show you know of that made it to season 10. Take your time, I’ll wait. 

Whoever I stole this birthday invite from, they are probably older than this show.

I started watching Supernatural in 2008. I was 19, I had just begun my journey towards Over-Worked, Under-Slept Millennial, and my best friend recommended it. I can’t really remember how the conversation went, but I’m sure at some point it was “It’s scary, and it’s got these two brothers, I’ll send you a link!” cuz we were trash and we were broke and Netflix...existed? Hulu existed, but not in the way that either of those sites work now, so we watched by...ahem...other means. It is probably why my first laptop stopped working after 3 semesters of college.

And damn, I was hooked. I don’t do scary movies and honestly, I was legit creeped out by a lot of these episodes, but it had two hot dudes who took down a monster every week and then (the real kicker) had a bigger, season-long mystery they were trying to solve. And occasionally, they got punched in their big dumb beautiful faces. If I had known what a kink was at the time, I would have said that someone was reading my dream diary. 

Over the next 12 years - Let me say that again for those of you in the back - TWELVE YEARS - I had an on-again-off-again relationship with the Winchesters. It was pretty hot and heavy in the beginning. I was jumping on the back of this 67 Chevy Impala 3 years in, so I had three seasons that I bought on DVD that I binged and was caught up with season 4 by the time the midseason started to air in late January of 2009. I was introducing all my friends to Supernatural, I made several people watch the entire first disc of season 1 with me, irregardless of whether they’d asked or not. Things started to cool down towards the end of season 4 as life started picking up and I know...I caught...the tail end of season 5? I think? I distinctly remember the final scene of the final episode, but honestly, I can’t remember how much of that season I actually watched.

At that point, I considered Supernatural to be a weird pseudoaddiction. I’d be clean for a while, years even, and then Netflix caught up with consumers and I could binge whole seasons in a weekend. It’d be, oh, I could just watch an episode. Just one episode. Maybe two. And then the weekend is gone in a blaze of classic rock and rock salt and I’m left with something like but not necessarily a hangover where my feelings live. I think I did this for seasons 6 through, like, 8? Eventually, Netflix stopped putting it at the top of my dashboard and it was easier to avoid. And I said to myself, well, when they finally get to the last season, THEN I’ll go on one last run, one last big score, and watch the whole series again in one go. 

But the seasons kept coming?? And they?? Didn’t stop?? Guys, I don’t know how many of you care about this but, Friends, one of the most popular sitcoms of all time that defined an entire generation had ten seasons. TEN. Supernatural is ending with fifteen! For an industry where most shows don’t make it past a pilot, let alone a season 1, this is INSANE. 

But now it’s ending. Even though a pandemic halted production just two episodes away from the finale, Supernatural is finally outta cassette tapes. The Wayward Sons may finally (??) be laying their wearied heads to rest (?? lol, I know).  

And frankly, 2020’s been a real sh*tshow so I thought “Why not?” 

And if I’m doing this and I’m not interacting with anyone on a human level, I might as well chronicle this epic dive into a time capsule of television because frankly, what the hell else am I doing? 

Cuz that’s what this is guys. 15 years in TV time is multiple lifespans. Shows are born, grow into something Emmy-worthy, and die in less time than Supernatural has been on the air. You know what else aired their pilot episode in 2005? The American version of The Office. You know when The Office ended? 2013. 

So let’s talk about pilots because that in and of itself may be a thing of the past not too far from now. 

Guys, I love pilots. I will probably say this a lot over the next, uhhhh...many months, but I love pilots and I love season ones, especially for a sci-fi and fantasy shows because that’s where your characters are at their most vulnerable, their most unsure. The writers and producers are really digging around, trying to figure out what the groundwork for this world is and there’s something so exciting about exploring it with them, as an audience. 

Pilot’s are great, pilots on spec are even better, and that’s a lot of what the Supernatural Pilot feels like. It’s got a real indie/guerilla-style horror movie vibe, like the crew scraped together just enough cash for that one special effect scene but had to skimp out on a lot of the other production stuff, and still managed to turn something around that is totally, 100% watchable and somehow more charming than if they’d had the budget to make something really polished? Go watch Night of the Living Dead (1968) and tell me that movie would have been better if they’d had a bigger budget. You could, but I won’t agree. 

Ok so a quick break down of technical terms. A television pilot is basically the first episode of a TV show. Well, that’s not exactly true. A pilot is kind of like making a sample or a blueprint of your show that you hand over to the television networks and say, here! This is what my TV show will look like. Will you pay me money to continue making it? And the networks (think ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX and The CW - remember, this is Network, not cable) will spend January through April of every year reviewing pilots and deciding if they want to pay you money to make more episodes. Well, every year except 2020. See: sh*tshow. Sometimes the network comes to you with an idea, or maybe, you’ve pitched your script/show to some executives and they buy in for that first pilot episode to see where things will go. Neither of these scenarios are a sure thing, and pilot season is always rife with will-they-won’t-they tension. In fact, if you’re working on the show, there’s a real possibility that pilot will get re-shot after studio notes, you’ll lose your job to someone the studio liked better, and then the show still may not get picked up. A pilot shot on spec is in even more of a limbo scenario because nobody asked for this! And just to follow through on Pilot Season - after the networks decide to buy your pilot, they then air the pilot at Upfronts (usually in May) where their many ad companies decide if they will pay money to air their ads during those shows. This is where we get things like prime time and key demographics - if you thought TV was all about the art, you are very wrong. TV, like most other industries, is still a business that’s about making money. 

Back to the Supernatural pilot. Now, from my research, series creator Eric Kripke had been working on the concept for 10 years. He was big into classic rock, big into urban legends and big into cowboys and all those things get married ever so neatly in this show. A lot of his initial ideas remain unchanged, at least for the first season - he wants two brothers, traveling across the country, facing off with America’s Spookiest Myths and legends. A lot of it did change. I honestly feel like I remember reading an early draft of the pilot where Sam and Dean are cowboys? But I’m also pretty sure I’m imaging that. What I’m not imagining is this ridiculous early draft where John’s been locked in an insane asylum, dies before the first episode starts, and Sam’s been living with an aunt and uncle his whole life and knows nothing. They still use something close enough to the La Llorona legend as the catalyst for the episode, but a lot of other things are changed. This is not the Sam and Dean we come to know and love. This is also a good example of when you SHOULD listen to notes, because this draft was rewritten after executive producer McG and his Wonderland Sound and Vision production company signed on, but before they actually shot the script. 

Now from what I’ve read, the WB picked the show up for (4) episodes initially, and ultimately picked it up for a full season of (22) episodes. This was, at the time, a pretty standard season and a pretty standard way to get it. They had a better deal than The Office, anyway, which only got picked up for (6) episodes in their first season, then got picked up four episodes at a time for season 2. 

Now let’s go over that paragraph one more time and talk about what a hecking DINOSAUR this show is - 

FIRST off - Supernatural premiered on THE WB. It PREDATES The CW!!

Man guys, you remember they had a frog as a mascot? Oof, that would not work today.

Secondly, it got 22 EPISODES. We’ll get into this some more when we talk about that evil bugs filler ep, but think about how many episodes were in the last show that you binged on Netflix? 8? Maybe 10?

Welcome to the exciting world of GRAPHS brought to you buy https://www.theringer.com/tv/2017/8/4/16094348/inefficiency-week-mourning-the-lost-long-tv-season

OH! And SPEAKING of Netflix and streaming services like them, they’re kind of killing pilot season AND upfronts. They pick up shows when they want to. They “air” them when they feel like. There are no ads because you pay for that content on a monthly basis and also they don’t even have commercial breaks. I am slowly seeing the passage of time in one (1) episode of television and I think I’ve aged 100 years. 

Here is just one of MANY articles about the death of Pilot Season 

Finally, and most importantly, this show got a better deal than The Office. And that show was an NBC primetime show. 

This show was nominated for 193 awards and won 50. And it ended when my nephew was still in kindergarten. He’s gonna be in high school next year. 

So what about this Supernatural Pilot? Was it any good? Honestly, I’m gonna say yeah. This is some very solid Hero’s Journey here. I think the only weird thing about it is that Sam is our Hero, our point of contact character that gets us into this world. And I only say that because I’ll be real up front and say that I’m a Dean girl through and through. I don’t hate Sam, but because we live in a world where we have to choose, it’s Dean 4Eva. 

From that early script draft, we learn the plan was for Sam to be in the dark and essentially be our audience stand in so that Dean can explain all the backstory. I think the decision to make John Winchester raise his kids as a weird fringe paramilitary outfit and establish Sam as the brother that tried to get away is a good one. It’s a very “Arrive Late” (or if you’re fancy, in media res,) sort of attitude and it works and you’ve already started building in the Atonement with the Father. There’s still some pretty excellent exposition dialogue, but what are ya gonna do. Sam, did you really need to explain to Dean that your collective father “raised you like warriors”? Or that you “kill everything we CAN find?” It’s fine. You’re beautiful and I love you. But also, he knows all that.

You have the Call to Adventure - Dean showing up and saying “Dad hasn’t been home in a few days.” You have the refusal of the call (“He’ll sleep it off”). You have your supernatural aid (hah!) giving Sam a push out the door - that’s Dean. You have your famous line that I quoted along with the TV - Dad’s on a hunting trip. And he hasn’t been home in a few days. 

The dead mom backstory seems pretty on the nose, but the “burned on the ceiling” concept was new and unique enough that I was intrigued to find out more. Listen, I’ve already admitted I don’t watch a lot of horror so if this has been done before, don’t @ me. 

La Llorona or Woman in White or Weeping Woman was a new trope to me at the time, so it too seemed fresh. I see that myth show up in a lot more Supernatural-type shows now, but in 2008, at 19, I was like, oh this is different. Not to mention - this definitely leaned in to the horror aspect. I know I’m a baby, but it aired at 9pm, which is the more adult side of Prime Time, so the WB thought it was too spooky for kids who had early bedtimes. So there. 

I HATE when they do this cuz it freaks me out EVERY TIME and THAT’S NOT EVEN HOW THESE MIRRORS WORK??? SHE’S NOT EVEN IN THE BACK SEAT IN THIS SHOT!

And then at the END, when Sam STILL refuses the call to adventure, you have the real Crossing of the Threshold - Jess is ALSO stuck on the ceiling, dead, and on fire. Spoiler alert, but they had to fridge her early to make the rest of the season work and so it shouldn’t be a big surprise. Sam’s all in and we get 21 more episodes of him and Dean and that car. 

Is it technically fridging if she’s lit on fire?

And let’s talk about Jess for a second cuz actress Adrianne Palicki is giving a LOT more in this performance than a fridged girlfriend should be required to. She’s likeable, she’s down to earth, she’s crushing it and and all this with only, like, two scenes of dialogue. I say this even though we meet her in a slutty nurse costume - COME on WB. 

WB what the hell is this wardrobe. What the HELL is THIS. 

In fact, all of the extras in this show are crushing it? Louis is instantly likeable and he disappears after his first scene, never to grace our TV’s again. And these extras in the town in Jericho, California - I kind of love them. As CW (or I guess, WB) as Jessica is, these extras look like they found them at the local highschool and I LOVE THEM FOR IT. They probably came to set already in makeup and wardrobe! They POSSIBLY brought their own jewelry! They’re weirdos and they are GREAT. I’m pretty sure this will NEVER happen again on this show because once the $$ came in, so did the more polished-looking one-off characters.

 Lookit these magnificent goth weirdos! And great news, both these actresses have very full, non-goth careers after this. 

Also, heckin’ Joseph Welch is just crushing it. This man has NOTHING CW about him and that’s maybe why I like him so much? Everything about the scene with him and Sam is pretty heartbreaking, from his rundown car graveyard to his rundown physique with his rundown accent to the fact that we never actually see his face. Seriously, really LOOK at this scene - WHAT is going on with this cinematography? Is this a reference to something? It’s SO bleached out and SO stark and WHAT is going on???

WHAT is this lighting? And also this guy was played by Steve Railsback was on X-Files!

You can’t talk about Supernatural without talking about the chemistry between Sam and Dean and that’s probably the real hook here? I mean a) very beautiful. I will probably talk about this a lot. Let’s call it what it is here, they’re beefcakes and they’re made for me and people like me. It is weird that this show is so macho but their primary audience was mostly there for the babes. And by babes I mean Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki. And b) they REALLY sell the whole brothers thing. They’re both from Austin, TX which feels like a weird coincidence. They were both already on WB shows before this one, also a weird coincidence. And they just click. They just do. It’s impressive, and occasionally creepy when we start to get into the Wincest of it all, but lets not talk about that.

Oh, and the MUSIC! The music just makes it. If you don’t believe me, watch the Netflix version of the first season and then find yourself a DVD version. See, TV shows need to acquire a license to play popular music during the show. Nowadays, the CW actually tags their songs in the episode so you can find and presumably buy it later, but they still have to pay royalties for using those pop songs. When Netflix acquired Supernatural, they did NOT acquire the licensing to use the classic rock songs from ACDC, Metallica, etc. and so you’re left with some pretty bland and generic production music that’s something like but not necessarily Back in Black. More like, Back in...Grey? This pun didn't work how I wanted it to. 

And the show just...doesn’t work? Like, who knew BACKINBLAAAAACK! Was so instrumental to whether I thought this was quality programming or not. Side note - it ruins my favorite piece of dialogue of maybe the entire series - 

Sam: I swear, man, you gotta update your cassette tape collection.

Dean: Why?

Sam: Well, for one, they're cassette tapes.

Do the young people even know what a cassette tape is? I AM the CRYPTKEEPER.

So yeah, you got a lot of ingredients to make something pretty great. Did we know then that it would launch a juggernaut of a television program that would still be on the air in the Year of Our Reckoning, 2020? I was a big fan of Firefly, so I was 99.99% sure this show was gonna get canceled at any second. In fact, I was thrilled, in 2008, to find there were two more seasons after the one I was currently watching. Of course, season 3 aired around the time of the great Writer’s Strike of ‘07, where nothing looked good and few programs survived, but we’ll get there. 

In a final, kind of spooky, almost premonition-type decision the WB actually decided to air this pilot episode a whole week early on Yahoo!. Yeah, you remember Yahoo!, right? The search engine that briefly tried to have its own original streaming content and then we all abandoned it in favor of the monster that is Google? Yeah. This episode premiered online. I haven’t done enough research, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say this was probably one of the first ever TV shows to start on the internet? Weird to think that was a novel and innovative concept at one time. 

So this is it. This is the end of the era. Are we gonna get any more shows that last as long as this one did? Who knows. Are we as a culture gonna care at that point? I don’t know. Our TV habits have changed so much in the last few years that it’s hard to say how we’ll watch TV in the future. But credit where it’s due, boys. Nice huntin’. 

[migleefulmoments]

Crisscolfer Strategy #1

I stumbled upon this 2017 post from Abby and I was struck by the first 2 paragraphs because she lays out her strategy for finding cc proof- nothing is surprising but to see her admit the simplicity of the 3-prong approach is breathtaking. For someone who spent a lot of time claiming she knew more than she could share, it’s impossible to imagine where that type of knowledge fits into this simplistic strategy. The rest of this writing covers satangate- I did make some comments but you can skip it if you want: 

(X)Anonymous asked: I've been out of the CC game for a while since I moved but I still ship them. Basically I want to know if there's been any recent interaction between Chris and Darren cuz I can't find anything but I saw Darren's tweet about if you insult his you insult him and it really shocked me I've missed so much!

ajw720 answered: Hi anon. Darren and Chris have not publicly been seen together since the end of Glee. They both did the march in LA last week. But we’re a block or two apart. Fact is. Ours is not an easy ship to sail. To believe. You have to look at everything from the clues on social media. To the messages in chris’ books. And the ones in the lyrics of songs Darren talks about. Some clues are overt, like My Chris Col-Fur, some more subtle like a reference to Flounder a few days after the Little Mermaid. (Here she sums up her strategy and it looks as pathetic as it is. To believe in CrissColfer you have to look for clues on social media, find the messages in Chris’s books and Darren’s song lyrics-not songs he writes but songs he talks about as if he is Blaine breaking into song to express himself at Dalton.  That’s it! That is the cc recipe for finding CrissColfer clues: hyper-analyze social media, read Chris’s children’s books, and hyper-analyze song’s Darren talks about.)  

To be here and believe. You have to be smart, observant, thick skinned, resilient and patient. And you have to be willing to overlook the many lies that have been told. (Now she sets expectations- they spent years bragging about how smart and observant they are. That has stopped in the last year or so- I guess the wedding she didn’t see coming even after Darren, Mia, Chord and a bunch of StarKids all headed to NOLA and Vera Wang posted on IG about a special wedding shook her enough to stop claiming she was observant. Smart? If you spend 5-10 years believing Darren’s life as told only through gifs, screen captures, and anon stories than you are not very smart. You have to be thick-skinned because Abby loved Darren and finding Darren and Mia together was very difficult. You have to be resilient and patient because there isn’t much cc evidence to find. This was written in 2017 - two years post-Glee so she knew that very little evidence was to be had and that the days of Chris and Darren hanging out bts or at work events were long over. The last line is the most. telling “you have to be willing to overlook the many lies that have been told”. Of course, the “lies that have been told" are actually Darren’s truth.)

But honestly. There’s enough. 2 years later and the clues are plentiful. And frequent. And we have the help of Team Beard who thankfully are horrific at their job. Plus. Chris truly is the captain. He can say what he wants about fandom. But he gives to ours a lot. (This is very disingenuous- there weren’t many clues at this point. The clues were in Chris’s books and Darren’s song. Mostly they were still skating by reblogging the cc evidence collected during Glee but that was getting very tired and stale).

Satangate. Not a lot is known to be honest. It was after the DC pops concert. A young fan, said to be about 15 years old, uttered the word Satan. The sound was caught on video. The word was said. No one. No one knows who it was directed at or why she said it. After that Darren left.

Allegedly he returned shortly after. Said fuck you to the young fan. But what’s interesting. No one. Not one single person out of what I understand to be about 10 people caught it on film. So we don’t actually know, do we? Do I think Darren is innocent? Not completely. I’m guessing something occurred. But how bad it was, we have no idea. (This argument is so stupid- Darren walked back in and yelled- it probably took 10 seconds total. The 10 fans were already dispersing and didn’t expect Darren to waltz back in and yell at them. Nobody had any reason to have their phones out or to start recording and it was over in an instant. This was the first time I remember Abby needing  “photographic evidence or it didn’t happen” but only when she didn’t like the story. If it was cc-positive- it didn’t matter who or where the evidence came from). 

Subsequently there was the disrespect tweet on twitter. No doubt that was posted by Ricky or beard herself. Both of whom were present. (See-no proof required. She just knows it wasn’t Darren who posted the words on his Twitter than matched the message he gave to the small crowd of fans. She doesn’t like the Tweet and she doesn’t like Mia so that is all he proof she needs- Mia did it) 

The fall out. Darren got so much hate and for a prolonged period. It appears he called out a young fan for saying the word Satan. Do not get me wrong. No one should be calling names to someone’s face. I don’t agree with that and I think you all know my personal feelings about the people who surround Darren. That is disrespectful. But this was handled terribly and it appears that a young fan was shamed. Not just in person but on social media. By an adult.(Darren does something wrong but it’s everyone’s fault but his-this is a common theme in her writings) 

My opinion? I think a bad situation was made worse by the toxic people in Darren’s life. I think he was pressured and didn’t handle it well. I also think it was greatly exaggerated to show him in a bad light. And I think he regretted it. And Again. The tweet is separate and I’m confident they were not his words. (Besides the outrageous excuses she makes for something he did that she didn’t like, she has to add the part about how he felt. There is no way she could know how he felt. It is comments like this that should worry Abby’s sister and anyone who follows cc because of Abby) .  

The one good thing. She was banned from fan events for quite sometime. She’d didn’t go to We day in London. Nor was she present at the next 2 pops concerts. And the one in NYC included an after party with Darren and any member of the audience willing to pay the price of admission (to support the pops).

Darren isn’t always perfect. Nor would I be in his shoes. But he tries to learn and correct himself. And, I have said this multiple times, something happened to him the week he was in London. He was off the radar for a week. Officially we do not know his travel companion but can absolutely confirm she wasn’t there as she was tagged by friends in LA multiple times over the week. And well. It’s convenient that chris was completely off the radar that week. Darren came back with a renewed energy. And a renewed spirit. The NYC concert was the Darren we love.(”He tries to learn and correct himself” -again not something we know. It’s something she hopes and wants to be true but not something Darren spoke about readily. Every time Darren was not on social media he was “off the radar”. In truth, he was only off Abby’s radar. Chris is off the radar most of the time as he doesn’t publicize the events he does attend and he doesn’t do fan photos very often).  

And I have noticed a difference in the bearding since then. A Major difference. We get heavy chunks of it. But there have been some deliberate choices made and I think Darren has been protecting himself more. She’s limited when he’s working. It was very evident during hedwig when there was little interaction between the two. (In Jan 2017 she was so observant that she noticed a “difference in the bearding” yet he was engaged by Jan 2018 and married by Feb 2019).  

So I do think he learned from that event. And I do think changes were made. And I think that’s the important take away here.

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

CW: transphobia, homophobia. Also pretty long and I'm on mobile so I cant put a read more thing on it.

Ok so this is kind of a personal post so if you don't wanna hear about some of my personal drama, just scroll along. But I feel like I need to get this shit on record somewhere since I don't have the screenshots of the texts this is concerning anymore.

So a little over a year ago, I told the person who'd been my best friend, we'll call her E, since I was about 9 that I didnt want to be friends with her anymore. More on that later.

Back in senior year of high school I started thinking I might be Bi. I brought this up to E and she was super dismissive right off that bat. Saying that I wasnt, sounding like she was trying to console me. Like being Bi was this awful thing that I needed to worry about.

Well fast forward about a year and a half and I went up to my college with her so I could do new student orientation since I was starting the next semester. This is when the fact that I was Bi sort of smacked me in the face because the girl doing my orientation was super hot. I immediately knew I wouldnt be telling E that.

Fast forward to march of 2017. Its spring break. I've reconnected with my high school friends. I've never felt the need to hide my sexuality from them and they were instantly nothing but supportive of me. We never really hung out outside of school back in high school (or in elementary school either in Eric's case.) I start realizing that I've been having more fun with them then I ever did with E. And I finally had people to geek out about sciencey stuff with because E doesnt believe in science but eric LOVES science. It was nice.

Well a couple weeks after spring break me and Es mutual friend Althea asked me to drive her to the shelter so she could get her boyfriends cat fixed (it's way cheaper there then at the vet) and spent the day hanging out with her because she WAS planning to walk back there to pick up the cat afterwards and I was like "uh no. I'm not gonna make you walk across town by yourself." So I finally got to meet her boyfriend. Well that afternoon E came and picked me up to go up to the KU campus to get some more bus passes to go to our college in KC because our school was out of bus passes and didnt know when theyd get more.

Here's when I kinda started to realize I should maybe get out of this friendship. On the way to campus E starts telling me about her day at school and how "theres a girl that used to be a guy in one of my teachers other classes. It's making me uncomfortable."

Me: "that sounds like a you problem, E."

Now I knew she kind of thought that way already. She may not have said shit like that around our other friends but I had to hear it a lot. But because I'm pretty nonconfrontational and she was my only close friend outside of school and I was terrified of being alone, I usually just ignored it or politely debated her about it but generally just agreed to disagree. This was the first time I ever decided to speak up to her about it. Unfortunately I couldnt say much cuz her mom was the one driving us and i knew she agreed with everything E said.

But I'd been hanging out with althea and her boyfriend (who just so happened to be trans) all morning so suddenly having to hear E talk about how uncomfortable trans people make her got me more fired up than usual.

After this I slowly started distancing myself from her. I'd been hoping for a few years that she'd grow up and accept that not everyone is like her and try to be more open minded and accepting of people. Apparently that wasnt happening.

I stopped responding to her texts as often. I was trying to think of a way to talk to her about it but all my past friendships that fell apart, did so naturally and on a silent mutual agreement. So I was half hoping that would happen. Pretty stupid. Dont recommend. Just be straight with people.

After a few months of me only answering her texts every once in a while, she decided to start calling me multiple times a week. Often while I was at work. Sometimes from her mom and sisters phones when I wouldnt answer from her number. Idk y she thought that would work. She knows I hate talking on the phone.

I still didnt know what to say to her. I probably should've just told her I needed some space and she might've backed off for awhile so I could figure it out. But subway stressed me tf out. And i have no idea how you're supposed to end a relationship with your best friend of over 10 years.

(Also some of my other reasons for not wanting to be friends with her were specifically because of althea and I didnt want althea to get dragged into it. Unfortunately it ended up happening anyways. But basically back in highschool, if we were planning for all four of us (me, e, althea, and nikki) to get together, and nikki would have something come up, E would tell althea our get together was cancelled but would still have me come over and then made me promise not to say anything to althea about it.)

Around march or april of last year I blocked her family's numbers. This is when they started showing up at my work. The first time it happened I had a long ass line and was helping my coworker get through it before I left. Her sister came in by herself and just asked how I was doing but left pretty quick after she got her sandwich since it was busy. A couple more times they came and just parked outside like they were waiting for me to get off my shift but ended up leaving. The last time it happened E came in while I was there alone and I really didnt wanna have THAT conversation while i was at work alone and her crazy overprotective mom was out in the car waiting for her. So i made her sandwich very quickly so i could get her out as fast as I could.

I was planning on finally talking to her around the end of april but was still having trouble figuring out what to say.

Unfortunately any plan I had to let her down easy was sort of thrown out the window on may 13th of last year.

My mom texted me that morning about how she got a weird call from Es aunt. On her work phone. This is basically how that call went:

"IS THIS OLIVIAS MOM?????"

My mom, suddenly worried it's my work and something happened to me, "Yes?"

"Why isnt olivia talking to E anymore?"

"............I dont know."

So that kind of crossed a line for me. It really freaked my mom out.

I'm bad at articulating my thoughts when I'm mad or stressed out tho. So my friend Alice ended up writing out the text for me and I read through it to make sure it was ok.

Basically it said "I'm sorry but I dont think we can be friends anymore. The way you talk about the LGBT+ community makes me extremely uncomfortable, especially seeing as I am bisexual and have several friends in the community. The way you used to exclude althea from hanging out with us because you think shes annoying and then expect me to lie to her about it makes me uncomfortable. It was inappropriate to show up at my work unannounced to corner me into talking to you when I needed space. And it was even more inappropriate for your relatives to call my mom at work. I'm sorry I didnt say something sooner but I'm tired of pretending I'm ok with everything you've said over the years."

Then her mom texts me. I dont remember all of it but the gist was "you're a horrible person. E never judged you or anyone else (sure, miss "gay people are gross. I can see how conversion therapy might work." Totally isnt judging anyone and 100% cares about the lgbt+ community.) The only reason she did those things is because she was worried about you."

Then E left me a voicemail that I couldnt understand at all cuz she was crying and I felt terrible even tho everyone was telling me I shouldn't. Now I probably should've taken out the part about althea because it effectively threw my "not wanting to get althea involved" plan out the window. Honestly what really pissed me off about this next part both made me pissed at E but also at myself. E removed herself from the group chat I had with her, nikki, and althea. Blocked althea on Facebook and blocked her number. Didnt bother to explain why. I still feel terrible about this even tho althea has told me many times that it's fine and if she'd had to pick a side she wouldve picked mine. But I still felt like she at least deserved an explanation.

Alice told me to screenshot the texts. I almost didn't cuz I just wanted to forget about all this. But I did.

Anyways life moved on. Eric got a new phone and gave me his beat up galaxy s7. I stuck my s6 into a drawer and let it die and forgot about it.

Then on new years I got a call from althea. Not weird at all. She calls me every major holiday and birthday. Shes done this every year since junior year of high school.

Normal phone call at first. But then she says that her mom has been talking to E's mom. Apparently E's mom told altheas mom that I told E that althea hates her and thinks shes a terrible person and that's why E hasnt been talking to althea. Althea of course didnt believe that but wanted me know about it. This prompted me to try and charge up my old phone and get the screenshots off of it. I had it plugged in for a couple of days and it never turned back on. So that's out apparently.

That's also why I felt the need to get all of this written down. It may not be as great as having the actual screenshots but I'm bad at articulating my thoughts when confronted so I want to have something written down in case any of this comes up again.

[twilightvolt]

And so, another year has come to pass.....almost. ^  ^

Remember when i said i was branching away from Digimon back when i drew up Venom fanart? y’know, “I wanted to be more than what i used to be.” that being “a Digimon artist.”

2019 was basically just that. lots and lots and LOTS of fandom hopping.

If last year was me recovering from the pain and crippling anxiety of 2017, then this year was me finally getting up again, learning to stand up and live for myself rather than in fear of those i shouldn’t care about anymore. life still hasn’t been too kind to me even though, compared to last year, we’re in a better space. but i’ll get into more detail about that while i go through everything month by month on the clock.

Before we begin, if you’d like to see the previous years, here’s the links!

2018:https://twilightvolt.tumblr.com/post/181732950569/i-kinda-was-saving-this-for-when-i-had-the-time-to

2017:https://twilightvolt.tumblr.com/post/171806337539/a-3-month-late-art-summary-featuring-art-that-i

Might wanna grab your popcorn, my dudes. this is a long one.

January: On the Web

Coming out of 2018, things were pretty ok if i remember. i don’t remember much from this month aside from a few doodles i did like this one from when Spiderverse was the hottest thing. this was one of the last things i drew in my old style. before i decided to officially change things up in the next month.

February: Gotta Kick it Up

Pokemon Sword & Shield were announced and things were hype! oh, how things soured as the months went by. lol

But yeah, this was me taking that experimental sketchy pencil style from that Smash Bros. drawing and rolling with it all the way! it’s become my new go-to style and even though it’s still hella sketchy at times, i feel like it looks better in comparison to my old ink outlined drawings.

March: The Overdrive Dweebanoids

Oh right. my old Ben 10 phase that lasted for a millisecond in 2016 returned with a vengeance. and it was glorious. lmao

It spawned an AU that i didn’t delve into much, but if i ever get that spark for my favorite alien watch bearer, i’ll get back to it.

April: True Blue Lizard Bois

My Ben 10 streak continues and i was crankin’ out art left and right for it. i luved all the “doodle dumps” i made, but this drawing was wholesome and i picked it because of that.

To some extent, this could be a comparison between my past and my present. that being Overdrive!Ben being what, at the time, was my current obsession while Digimon!Vivi was a representation of where i used to be, back when i was starting out and entering Digimon OCTs on Deviantart.

May: Return to the Realm of Sleep ~HD ReMIX

Now THIS i feel was one of the grandest drawings i’ve done this year. hell, i even made a wallpaper out of it.

like, it was just a redraw of an old drawing from 2017. but to me, it was a way to tell me just how far i’ve come since then. and i couldn’t be happier.

This was also the month i rebooted my DA after a long time of inactivity!

....Iiiit didn’t really work much, but i’m still working on it. though i highly doubt it’s worth it considering most of the ones i used to hang with there are either people i don’t wanna associate with or people who left while i was gone. seriously, it’s a ghost town there.

June: Art Fight 2019 ~Dreams Vs. Nightmares~

Ahh, my second year of Art Fight. for this year’s event, i wanted to be a tad more grandiose. like drawing up this banner. i like being extra and stuff even if it kills my drawing hand, so yeah. lmao

...

Florida thunderstorms are friggin’ terrifying. idk HOW anyone can get used to that.

July: - BREAK DOWN -

Oookay, it was hard picking my favorite attack this year cuz i pretty much was satisfied with all of them. but i had to go with this attack because the artist i drew it for was someone i really admired for years and i’m just happy i could finally have an opportunity to draw them something. like, i luv how it came out, so yeah.

This was also the month i forced myself to finally do the thing and let go of the constant fear i felt towards certain people i used to hang with. while remembering 2017 will never NOT hurt, i can’t let that fear rule over me forever. i have to take control and not let it stop me from doing what i want. and that’s exactly what i did.

August: Ricky ~Sapphire, Emerald and AlphaSapphire

Oh yeah! after Art Fight ended, i returned to Pokemon randomly cuz i wanted to go back to my roots for a moment. revamping Ricky, formerly Ragna, and Yagami was something i’ve been meaning to do for awhile and it reignited a waning love for a series i started growing distant towards since Gen VII.

I used to really like Ricky’s old design even though i barely ever used him. but i guess this just shows how much more original i’ve gotten in terms of character design. ^  ^

September: Heartbeat Inferno

Now, i haven’t really talked much about what’s been going on life wise for most of this post, but trust me when i say irl, things weren’t really.....happening. like, it’s hard when you live (or rather, lived now) in a place with little job opportunity and you have NO experience whatsoever. the lack of progression must’ve hit something in me, so the week i drew this was me just....shifting moods, feeling everything at once. one day i’d be agitated as hell, the next i’d be so depressed i took a some odd hour nap and didn’t wanna get out of bed. like, for most of this year, i haven’t felt this stressed out and frustrated with myself. so this sudden crash was kind of....unwelcome.

But this drawing was a fresh change though, if i’m being honest. i’m not usually this uncaring about how clean the coloring job is, but i like it! i’d choose that other drawing i did for my friends’ birthdays, Skirmish at the Cable Club, but this one had a more personal drive behind it.

October: - PAPERMOON -

beastarsbeastarsbeASTARSBEASTARS--*COUGH COUGH AHEM* I MEAN....hai. :D

Continuing with my Pokemon shenanigans, i drew this big piece which was something i had in my head for years now, but never actually acted upon it cuz i always felt it was too big of an idea to work on. i’m happy i’ve managed to capture what i envisioned originally.

As for interests, i’m sure most of my current followers can deduce that i quickly shifted gears to Beastars as soon as the anime was released and so far, i regret nothing. it’s spawned a metric butt ton of new art from me and the way i see it, this phase ain’t stopping as long as this series continues. brace yourselves fam, i believe i’ve finally found the successor to my Digimon phase. lmao

Like, damn, i had a tough time choosing art for this month. i was stuck between this, - SMILE/WILD SIDE - and Slip Into Madness. so many good drawings i was satisfied with, y’know?

November: The Future is Now

I was SO planning on putting something else here, but then suddenly i just kinda had this urge to redraw that uggo gouache painting of Miyagi from highschool. and it turned out so good that i had to. like, really. lmao

As with the redraw of Dream Drop Digital’s key art, it was a reminder of how far i’ve come since then art wise. and i feel like i’ve accomplished so much this year because of it. ;w;

December: Winter Lights

And now we’re back to the present time. after over a year or so of living in Florida, we’ve moved once again back up north a bit. yet another clean slate, but things seem to be looking up despite the rather large bumps in the road the past week or so. lately i’ve been feeling that seasonal depression starting to set in, but i think i’ll be fine as long as i stay positive. cuz y’know, it’s not being happy all the time. it’s just knowing that things will get better someday.

One of the other reasons i drew this drawing was cuz i REALLY wanted to have something Beastars related on this clock. this series (and Legoshi in particular) really inspired me, so i had to leave a wedge open for my boi.

Looking back at the beginning of this decade (as 2020 would mark the next one), i realized that the 2010′s were basically me becoming more artsy. finding enjoyment for a new hobby that quickly became something i’m now more passionate about than video games which i didn’t think would EVER be the case.

Funny enough, it all started in the RP section of a little forum for an MMO called Wizard101. i was only in middle school at the time and, to tell you the truth, i had no idea i’d be going at it for this long. thought i’d just do it on the side but not really delve into the art world more.

But despite all the trips and falls, fandom drama or otherwise, i wouldn’t change anything if it meant i wouldn’t have the friends who’ve stuck by me in the aftermath of those times.

I may not be really succeeding in much, but it’s the small steps in life that matter most in the end. these past few months in particular was me getting fed up with feeling sorry for myself for not doing the things i was interested in in the past, getting over my regret and making plans for starting something new even though i know i’ll suck at first and not worrying so much about how others might perceive me.

And just like how life was changing for our resident grey wolf this first season, mine seems to be doing the same. and i believe this decade ended on a better note than i thought it would during the past couple years leading up to this.

Here’s to a new decade! ^  ^

~ For a future I want to believe in. ~

[kasey9395]

TOP 5 BTS MOMENTS : THAT MADE ME CRY

I’ve decided to start a Top 5 BTS Series because…why not. I have so many thoughts where they’re concerned so why not document it in a way. And since I’m in a very sentimental mood right now, what with having the Love Yourself/Speak Yourself Tour wrapped up last week, I’ve decided to brainstorm the top 5 moments that made me cry with these 7 beautiful humans. It’s in no particular order other than how it came to my brain. And in my attempt to make it genuine, I will limit these moments to what I’ve experienced myself since becoming ARMY in January 2017 (so their first Daesang win won’t make the cut).

1.   YOUNG FOREVER: WEMBLEY EDITION

I cried. A lot. There have definitely been moments when my eyes have sweated since becoming an ARMY but this was the first time that I was full on sobbing because of Bangtan. Young Forever has always had a special place in my heart for some reason, I always get emotional hearing the passion in their voices during that song, so when watching the 144p livestream (just another day in the life of an ARMY) and seeing the surprise BH had planned, I knew I would feel some type of way. But to see their faces go from confusion to surprise to emotional to something akin to pride/love…I don’t think any ARMY worth his or her salt could hold back tears in that moment. It just felt like such a special moment that we gave to them after having them give so much to us for so long. You could see the appreciation and love they felt. It was tangible.

2.   MAMA 2018 : ARTIST OF THE YEAR

Listen!...Everything was going great until Jung Hoseok decided to get all emotional, break down and send all of our emotions into chaos. And Hobi isn’t much of a crier usually so when he started, that was it for me. Taehyung and Jin didn’t help the situation either. And on top of all that, to learn a few minutes later that Jin had spoken about the disbandment issue…well…that was truly an emotional day for all of us. It was also kinda funny to me watching the Idols and the host afterward, trying to get back into the celebratory spirit after that Bangtan Bomb of a speech.

3.   WINGS TOUR FINALE IN SEOUL 2017

The Love Yourself Era had just kicked off and the Wings era was coming to a close. BTS’ popularity in the US was skyrocketing and I think everyone was having a hard time wrapping their minds around that unforeseen happening. It was the final day of the tour and I think a very emotional one because the Wings era was such a pivotal one for BTS’ career and artistry. So to have that end, no matter how bright the future looked, was definitely something. Hobi started their ending ments and his voice broke at the end of his speech so that kinda set me in the mood. Then JK started crying, red nose and all. And that was it for me. But Yoongi broke my heart when he started crying. Yes, these were all tears of happiness but they were flowed from memories of struggle upon struggle to get to that point. And we could all feel that.

4.   LY/SY SEOUL FINALE DAY 3

Ugh…these final concerts I tell you! Unfortunately, I couldn’t watch this one live but the clips that I did get to see later had my heart aching. Two stand out in my mind. One was Jungkook crying (the bunny struck again!) while Jimin tried consoling him (JK starting Mikrokosmos in a wobbly voice hurt my heart too). The other? Well, let’s just say that Kim Namjoon nearly got me to embarrass myself in front of my colleagues at work cuz I had to try really hard not to cry when I saw the clip of him crying. I did, though when I went home. I don’t think in all of my time knowing and watching BTS, I have ever seen Namjoon cry. He’s been on the verge many times but to see him actually cry told me just how impactful all of this has been to him. Had I been watching real time, it probably might have been a Wembley sequel for me.

5.   THE HORROR THAT WAS NOVEMBER 2018

While this might not technically be a moment per say, it does involve BTS and me crying because of it so it counts. I’m not going to go into any detail about the T-Shirt controversy because I don’t want my anger rising. I will only speak on what I felt during that time. Helpless. I remember seeing report upon report upon report from legitimate international news outlets, comments upon comments without any informative basis, and I truly felt like the world was suddenly against these boys and I could do nothing to help. On top of that, to have Jimin be the target yet again and with BTS’ first Tokyo Dome show literally days away…I cried. For Jimin, for BTS, for a fandom that had to fight the world for these 7 men. Thankfully everything was eventually settled and kudos to J-ARMY who stood strong by the boys despite everything. I don’t think I’m wrong in saying that that moment will live forever in this fandom’s memory.

So those were my top 5. I’d really love to hear what yours would be. Feel free to share!!!

[yukarisensei]

Top 10 Anime of the Decade (incl. Winter Anime 2020)

Minna-san, akemashiteomedetōgozaimasu (Happy New Year)! It’s been awhile...sorry T^T. Life has been absolutely INSANE since the last time I posted, which was...omg September. OwO I honestly did not watch a lot of anime because real life has been so crazy. BUT that doesn’t mean I didn’t watch ANY anime. 

I was originally just going to post my annual Winter Anime Season post but after watching Joey: The Anime Man’s “The ULTIMATE Top 10 Anime of the Decade List” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqY25glHPxE) I wanted to look back and reflect on some of my favorite anime of the decade and share them with you guys as well. Like Joey I will also include some honorable mentions in the list. Without further ado, here are some of my favorite anime from this decade:

2010

Durarara!!

https://myanimelist.net/anime/6746/Durarara?q=durara

This was one of the first few shows that @perfectlynorm first recommended for me to watch when he and I reconnected back in 2015. I didn’t watch this show back when it first aired, but I really wish I did. The storytelling really stood out to me and I loved how all of the characters’ stories interconnected with each other. The seasons that came out later in 2015-2016 were great as well, but this first season was by far the best. 

Honorable Mentions:

- Kaichou wa Maid-Sama! (still one of the best romance/comedy anime to this day...I NEED A SEASON 2!!!)

- Shugo Chara (technically it aired years before 2010 but it’s one of the first few shows I got into during that year)

- Kimi ni Todoke (a slow burner but it’s still one of the few romance anime I go back to from time to time)

2011

Fate/Zero

https://myanimelist.net/anime/10087/Fate_Zero?q=fate

Again, this is another show that @perfectlynorm recommended back when I really started to become the filthy weeb that I still am. This was also the first show that introduced me to the greatness of ufotable’s animation. Fate/stay night: Unlimited Blade Works was amazing, but this show really blew my mind. The animation, the story, and the characters were top tier amongst the shows I watched at the time. This is a show I could recommend to new anime fans. 

Honorable Mentions:

- Uta no Prince-sama: Maji Love 1000% (this show unlocked my love for idol anime, a very memorable part of my teenage years)

- Sekaiichi Hatsukoi (still one of the best Boys Love/Yaoi anime I’ve ever watched...still waiting for the day he officially falls in love with him ugh)

- No.6 (another @perfectlynorm​ recommendation...that ending still hurts T^T)

2012

Kuroko no Basket

https://myanimelist.net/anime/11771/Kuroko_no_Basket?q=kuroko

One of my male high school friends recommended this to me...I wonder if he new that he was cursing me at the time. This show was my introduction to the sports genre in anime. To this day, this show is still one of my favorite sports anime. Yes, looking back on it now parts of this show are extremely unrealistic and is mainly loved by fujoshis, but if I were to introduce any new anime fan to the sports genre, this would be the first show on my recommendation list. 

Honorable Mentions:

- Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic (I started this show for the voice actors, I stayed for the story and characters, 10/10 would watch again)

- Sukitte Ii na yo. (another great romance anime that really builds the relationship between the two main couple...without holding out the kiss until the last episode)

- Kamisama Hajimemashita (loved the anime and the manga...I was sad to see it end and that the anime was rushed, but it’s another romance anime I could watch again)

2013

Attack on Titan

https://myanimelist.net/anime/16498/Shingeki_no_Kyojin?q=attack%20

Oh wow, @perfectlynorm​ recommendation lol. At the time, I would not have watched this on my own free will since I was (still am) weak to blood and gore. However, when I first watched this...I pretty much binged the entire first season within a week. I still remember the thrill and heart-pounding excitement I felt from watching each episode. I still have a lot of episodes to catch up on before the FINAL season (omg) comes out next fall, but I am excited nonetheless.

Honorable Mentions:

- Free! (ugh the fujoshi bait was so real in this show, but I LOVED it)

- Kuroko no Basket 2 (I was soooo hyped when I was watching this show, even while I would wait for each new episode during my Saturday ballet classes)

- Uta no Prince-sama: Maji Love 2000% (imo, the BEST Utapri season)

2014

Free!: Eternal Summer

https://myanimelist.net/anime/22265/Free__Eternal_Summer?q=free

At this time of my life, I just graduated from high school and was about to start the next big chapter of my life: college. This show really spoke to me back then because, like the characters, I was scared and uneasy for what happens after high school. I especially related to Haru’s uncertainty for the future and unwillingness to change. But as I followed his journey throughout the season I eventually felt ready to take the next step towards my future along with him. 

Honorable Mentions:

- Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (I DIED while watching this show, it provided so many laughs that I would recommend this to anyone)

- Akatsuki no Yona (love, love, love Yona and her harem of strong ikemen...I still feel proud that @lunastories​ absolutely FELL for this show)

- Haikyuu!! (one of the best sports anime EVER...I’m so so sad it’s ending soon)

2015

Kuroko no Basket 3

https://myanimelist.net/anime/24415/Kuroko_no_Basket_3rd_Season?q=kuroko

It was very difficult to choose a favorite anime for this year, but when I thought about what show I felt the most emotions from start to finish, I picked the final season of KnB. I was reading the manga while it was still being serialized so nothing in the show came as a surprise plot-wise, but to watch this show from the very beginning to the very end made me very emotional...until Last Game became a thing (god it still hurts T^T). 

Honorable Mentions:

- Ore Monogatari! (this has to be my FAVORITE romance anime, it broke so many romance anime stereotypes and i could watch it again and again)

- Haikyuu!! 2 (it’s haikyuu, nuff said)

- One Punch Man (still haven’t watched season 2, but omg I LOVED season 1, I still remember how much my friends and I laughed for each episode)

2016

Yuri!!! on Ice

https://myanimelist.net/anime/32995/Yuri_on_Ice?q=yuri

*deep breaths* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ok. This show, as embarrassing as it is to admit, MADE 2016 for me. Like so many fujoshis and fudanshis, I ate this show up and awaited week after week for each new episode to air. I know there are so many criticisms about this show, but f**k the haters. For me, and for others, this show changed what anime could do: normalize a same sex couple without fetishizing it. 

Honorable Mentions:

- ERASED (a GREAT mystery anime, that brings a lot of feels and thrills 10/10)

- Boku no Hero Academia (omg loved it, scroll down for more of my thoughts about this show)

- Kiss Him, Not Me! (this is the anime for fujoshis, watch if you are or think you are one, trust me)

2017

Boku no Hero Academia 2

https://myanimelist.net/anime/33486/Boku_no_Hero_Academia_2nd_Season?q=boku%20no

I picked up the first season of this series before the summer 2017 anime season because of all the hype about it, and omg I was so excited for the second season. I eventually got all of my anime friends to watch it and they got so into it that we would do our first group cosplay together for the show at AX a year later. This show really made 2017 for me and I am very happy it is still so loved to this day...now I just need to start season 4 hehehe. 

Honorable Mentions:

- Hitorijime My Hero (one of my fav Boys Love/Yaoi anime cuz the main couple does not bang for every episode and actually TALK lol)

- Tsuki ga Kirei (a romance anime that i think accurately portrays an awkward, but sweet middle school romance)

- Recovery of an MMO Junkie (another fav romance anime, the main couple are absolute cinnamon rolls please please watch it)

2018

Banana Fish

https://myanimelist.net/anime/36649/Banana_Fish?q=ban

The ending of this show still breaks my heart, but this show was a huge part of 2018 for me. At first, the show’s brutal and violent themes startled me and prevented me from watching it when it first aired, but when @perfectlynorm​ convinced @passionateflame​ and I to watch this after AX 2018, I was blessed and cursed at the same time. Ash and Eiji’s strong emotional connection was what warmed and broke my heart at the same time. Rest in peace...my heart.

Honorable Mentions:

- IDOLISH7 (an idol anime that beats UtaPri to death...excited for season 2 in 2020!!!)

- Gakuen Babysitters (not only gives me endless amounts of feels and warm fuzzies, but also reminds me why i love working with kids)

- Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii (THE show for otaku)

2019

Fruits Basket

Although 2019 was probably the year I watched the least amount of anime, Fruits Basket was my favorite anime of the year. It was hard to pick my favorite and to narrow down the honorable mentions, but this anime was my most anticipated show of the year. I had high expectations going into it since the original anime was a huge part of my teen years, and I was definitely not disappointed. I’m so excited for the upcoming second season in 2020!!!

Honorable Mentions:

(Edit: ok I cheated by adding 4 but all of these shows were AWESOME!)

- Dororo (one of the great surprises of 2019, 10/10 would watch again)

- Demon Slayer (jumped on the bandwagon after AX and OMG I’m so glad I did)

- Dr. Stone (SURPRISE another @perfectlynorm​ recommendation...LOVED IT)

- Beastars (...I’m not a furry...but Legosi is best boy)

Here is what I am watching for winter 2020:

Haikyuu!!: To the Top

https://myanimelist.net/anime/38883/Haikyuu__To_the_Top

YES!!! My crow babies are back after a FOUR YEAR hiatus!!!

AND that concludes my top 10 anime of the decade list. I do not think my taste in anime has changed too much over the years, but within this past year I have come to be genuinely and pleasantly surprised over anime that I never would have picked up 10 years ago. So I guess I want to approach anime with a more open mind in 2020. 

I only plan to watch Haikyuu for this winter season because I am going to be busy with student teaching and finishing off my last semester in the teacher credential program at my school. But things might change...

Anyway, thank you so much for reading this MONSTER of a list if you made it to the end. Let me know what you guys think. What were you some of your favorite anime this decade? What was your favorite anime this year? Are you watching any anime this season? I hope 2020 starts off great for all of you! Matane!

[howareyanowpod]

The Letterkenny Leave

How Are Ya Now? Podcast Spotify Playlist - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1IDa578R0Drfh6WflJxMFU Guest Host:  Genesis Nunlee This weeks band:  Lizzie Boredom Pre-show stuff (00:00 - 09:58):

Indiegogo campaign:  https://igg.me/at/podscure/x/22323938#/

Please help us get our gear upgraded before the end of the month.

Growth:  25%

Cosplay contest:  https://howareyanowpod.com/how-are-ya-now-cosplay-contest/

New Patreon subscriber:  Shaine Wynsma https://www.patreon.com/HowAreYaNowPod

Happy Saturday Dean, And my best to your lovely wife Tiara. Congrats on all of your success! I have been listening for a couple of weeks and just finished the Season 3 wrap up. The interview with Tyler was amazing. As are you guys, not surprised it has taken off the way it has. I would love to be on the show. Watching, actually re-watching, S6 E1 right now. Which is the one I would pick, between us girls. But I am gonna takes you up on your offer of promoting something. Cuz that’s what’s I appreciates about yous. Sept 7 and 8th, I am going to be riding 200 miles in the Ride for Life Chicago. The Ride benefits TPAN, an HIV/AIDS outreach group in Chicago. It is 100 mile ride from Chicago to Sawyer, Michigan. A very Letterkenny type town in West Michigan, not sure of it population, but it has its problems. Then 100 miles back on the 8th. More information on TPAN is available at TPAN.org. This will be my 9th time doing this ride and raising funds for them. If any of the degens out there would like to donate, any amount is fine, my ride donation page link is http://support.tpan.com/goto/Shainemw. All the money goes into TPAN’s general fund. If they let me know they heard it from you, I’ll make reference to How Are Ya Now.  Over an Out, ShainePlease donate ANYTHING you can to Shaine's ride and let 'em know that you heard about it from us!!!

This is a big feminist episode!

Introductions

Facebook Group - Professor Tricia Would Literally Shit a Brick

Episode dive (09:58- 0:48:00):

Recap:   Letterkenny Talent Show

Deep dive of this episode:  The Letterkenny Leave

Thoughts/Theories/Trivia/Questions (0:48:00 - 1:07:20):

"Meaty" episode

Hockey players and Skids BOTH had A LOT of dialog

Dean's never played "Never Have I Ever"

Thoughts/Questions/Observations from our degens: Bobby from JB’s Meme’s via Twitter stated: Also. Reilly and Jonesy's blackboard. The chubby stick figure and it says "Shoresy = fat " 😂And then: This is possibly the first episode, not written by Jared and Jacob. I could be wrong.Well, I then brought in “Awesome” (our Trivia Maven) to fact check. Her response was: “the first episode of #letterkenny to be written by someone other than @jaredkeeso  and @jacobtierney79 was s03e04 Les Hiques, by @TorrensJonathan” Victoria McCabe - Facebook (New admin for FB pages/groups) Even more Wayne autism evidence. Why is Katy still annoyed at McMurray in the later episode after this (I mean granted the phrasing was awful)? Does this answer last week's had she had both question? Ever played never have I ever? If so, best or worst thing you ever revealed or had revealed? Ever done or had done any of the mentioned goodbyes? Are there any ones you can think of that they didn't mention in that? That girl doesn't need to be on drugs, prob a good idea she read and didn't take the steroids. Poor poor trusting hockey players. Valerie Lopez - Facebook Soooo, didjya ever notiiiice (I'm doing terrific there bud) that Tanis'ssssses didn't partake of the hot tub party? Why is that? Why wouldn't the McMurray's have invited her given they know that it would have made Wayne uncomfortable to have her in the hot tub with him and they thrive on that. Just my own theory that the McMurray's thrive on discomfort and would have loved watching that happen.. And 2nd point --- does anyone REALLY believe that Pastor Glen had noooos ideas whats was happenings? It was such a fun contradiction to watch play out. Additionally, Valerie is a Patreon patron and now our HIGHEST contributor on our Indiegogo campaign!As you may remember, she heads-up the Comedy Wham podcast. She has now done three separate episodes on Comedy Wham that are in reference to Letterkenny.If you go to comedywham.com and put “Letterkeny” in their search box, you’ll find four articles!  Check ‘em out! Thank you so much, Valerie!  We love you to pieces! 

Glen and Gail being both oversexualized and undersexualized at the same time.

How white is Canada?

Racism:  North vs South vs Canada

Is Wayne into horror books?

What would happen if Wayne and Dary fought?

Mrs. McMurray looked really bummed when Dan got out of the hot tub. Trivia 

R&J reference "Charlotte gains, bro" and "Serge of gains, bro".  Those are references to:  Charlotte (English-French actress and singer) and Serge Gainsbourg (father of Charlotte, French singer and songwriter ) 

Soft-pass:  Opposite of a Hard-pass.  Something that you're interested in but just can't do.

Mrs. McMurray references being in (Aca)'pulco until "fellas started getting' haved from bridges with their dinks cutt off".  This was something that actually happened down in Acapulco in 2017/18 from rival drug gangs.

All of the baseball players mentioned had careers sullied by their use of steroids

Roger Clemens

Sammy Sosa

Jose Canseco

Anabolic steroids come in the form of tablets, capsules, a solution for injection and a cream or gel to rub into the skin. Weightlifters and bodybuilders who use steroids often take doses that are up to 100 times greater than those used to treat medical conditions.

Both books mentioned in this episode are real books.

Carrie Originally published: April 5, 1974 Author: Stephen King

The Boy at the Leafs Camp  Originally published: 1963 Author: Scott Young

Fuck - Fight - FERDA! (1:07:20 - 1:28:52)

Fuck:  Dan, the McMurrays (TOGETHER ONLY), Gail, and Tanis

Fight:  The FIRST time we've had NO scraps!!!

FERDA:   Everyone else.

Farewells and Outro:  (1:28:52 - 1:36:31) Next Episode: Great Day for Thunder Bay Artist of the week:  Lizzie Boredom Location:  Dallas, TX

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lizzieboredomband/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/lizzieboredomtx

Instagram: https://instagram.com/lizzieboredom.band

Bandcamp: https://lizzieboredom.bandcamp.com/

Contact: lizzieboredombooking@gmail.com

****************** Intro: Song: Problem Album: Dead Men Can't Catcall Outro: Song: Dead Men Can't Catcall Album: Dead Men Can't Catcall ******************

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

source https://share.transistor.fm/s/705f713e

[callioope]

Questions Meme!

Hello, yes, this HAS in fact been sitting in my drafts for ages and ages. Thank you to both @crazy-fruit and @ruby-red-inky-blue for tagging me and for waiting forever for me to answer (oops)! I’m sorry I took so long, but y’all ask really good questions and I had to think about some of them!

Question Set 1

1. How are you?

Oh, I’m doing alright! Thank you for asking. The earlier part of this year was rather rough, but therapy has been helping. I’ve been rather busy these past few weeks with traveling, and my schedule going forward is rather busy, too, so while I’m excited for those things, I’m also excited for the eventual moment I can just relax.

2. What would you say are your talents?

Writing. Making fancy color-coded spreadsheets. I’ve been told that my super power is getting random (annoying) songs stuck in other people’s heads. Does that count as a talent? 

3. If you had the chance to start your life again, would you take it?

NOPE. No thanks. I like where I am at right now, and I would not want to relive my awkward years. Er, at least, my more awkward, younger years. Cuz I’m totally still awkward. Just less awkward. I hope?

4. Which language would you like to speak instantly? 

HMM. ALL OF THEM. It’s really hard to choose! 

Language fascinates me, and in another life I feel like I would have devoted a lot more time to learning more of them. Unfortunately, I really hated German class in high school because of the teacher’s tendency to put people on the spot -- I think that is sort of inherent in a language class, but I get anxiety speaking in public. 

Anyways, I suppose I’ll answer Turkish to this question, since spouse and I keep saying we’re going to try to learn Turkish via Duolingo. For the record, my HS offered six languages, which was the most I’ve ever heard of an American school offering, and I was always quite happy with my choice of German. (The others were Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, and Latin.) I do wish I had maintained my German better, and I that I had more time to learn Spanish. 

5. Where would you like to be right now?

Honestly? I’m pretty happy when I’m at home. But if I had to answer where “else” would I like to be right now, out of the whole world? Being back on safari in Botswana is a top contender, as are a variety of places in Turkey, and also Munich. 

6. What name would you give yourself?

I’ve always liked my actual name (Elizabeth). I know I go by Liz; one of my HS friends was quite stubborn and I’m a bit stuck with it now, but I don’t mind it. There are worse nicknames that come from Elizabeth. I used to go by Fiona online; I’ve always been fond of that one. 

7. What is something you’re currently learning?

OOF, what a good question. I sorta blanked on this at first, and my first thought was uhhhh learning how to cope with my OCD??? I’m doing exposure therapy right now, ish. Emphasis on the ish. Also mindfulness. Does that really even count? I started a beginner’s knitting project several months ago that I never finished, does that count? (I just need to seam it, that’s what I’m putting off. I have knit plenty of scarves; however, this is my first hat.) I’m sort of teaching myself ukulele although I haven’t really learned any new chords or songs in awhile. I would very much like to take more photography classes with a focus on wildlife photography. That involves buying a new camera and... signing up for classes. 

Question Set 2

1. What is a detail in a piece of art/a text that you like that you really admire?

This was very difficult, at first because it was like looking at a bin full of loose things and just seeing an assortment of color and being overwhelmed by it all, and then because once I did start digging around, I kept finding different ideas and it was too hard too choose.

Character-building: In the A Song of Ice and Fire series, when Arya starts working for the House of Black and White, Martin stops using the name “Arya” as she dons different identities. For example, he uses “Cat” for a bit, among other names. It shows she’s trying to be someone else, but the caveat is that there are still little mannerisms and such that show she hasn’t really left Arya behind (I think maybe she bites her lip or something? I don’t remember specific examples because it’s been over 5 years since I read these books, but I do remember really appreciating the general technique at the time). 

Music: In The Beatles’ “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” I love those repeated arpeggios, over and over, building, intensifying, as the white noise comes in and you can just feel the heaviness of desire, of want... (and then I love how it just breaks so suddenly! And I know it wouldn’t have been intended this way because that’s the end of side one, but since I listen to the whole album on spotify, then those bright chords of “Here Comes the Sun” come in and god Abbey Road is the best Beatles album)

Writing: the poetry of Florence + The Machine’s “All This and Heaven Too,” obviously, since literally the title of my blog comes from that. I’d quote that whole song honestly. There’s something that speaks to me about the incapability of language to fully encompass just... everything. I mean, love in specific here, but also just everything. Words are just these little boats we put meaning on and we hope they make it to the other side but everyone takes ‘em a little differently. 

Like, look at this: 

And the words are all escaping, and coming back all damaged And I would put them back in poetry if I only knew how 

And this: 

Words were never so useful So I was screaming out a language that I never knew existed before

Anyways, there’s also something just incredibly soothing about the music, too, and how she sings the song. There’s another line, from Sara Bareilles’ “Miss Simone” that goes “How does she know what a heart sounds like?” which pretty much sums up how I feel about “All This and Heaven Too” (and also many of Sara Bareilles’ song, especially that particular album, but I digress).

Anyways I did have some art examples, but I think I’ve rambled long enough.

2. Is there an idea that you really liked but had to discard because you couldn’t get it to work?

If I really like an idea, I don’t really “discard” it so much as put it on the shelf to attempt later. Out of recent fic ideas, I’ve really struggled with “How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days.” I first thought of this in late spring 2017, and for awhile I couldn’t stop thinking about it, but I was working on Whatever I Do at the time, and wanted to wait before starting another WIP. By the time I got to writing this, the inspiration well had sort of dried up. 

I really like the idea of a fun cat-and-mouse rom-com idea where Jyn and Cassian keep outsmarting each other, with a whole lot of competency kink, some “oh shit we actually work well together!” and maybe some battle couple. And I was really looking forward to both the moment when they both finally let their guards down around each other and the big confrontation when they actually find out each other’s identities. But it involved more mission writing than I was prepared for, and I really struggled with it. I think I need to start over but that involves a lot of working, so it’s unfortunately shelved for now, and I’m working on a “You’ve Got Mail” concept instead.

3. Is there something fandom-related you would like to be able to do (i.e. I’d like to be able to make gif sets but can’t)?

Oh, yes, absolutely! Really anything that’s not writing related, lol. Gif sets, art, etc. But most of all, I have a music video idea for the song “So Close” from Enchanted--like I have a whole story board plotted out in a google doc. But I don’t have any video editing software, don’t even know how you get the scenes for a music video, etc. I have made videos before, but not since high school, and I don’t even have the cheap, basic video editing program I used back then. Sometimes I think I should just attempt make a gif set instead, but there are so many lyrics! and scenes that go with the lyrics! that I don’t know how to consolidate it into that format anyways. 

4. What is a skill you’ve acquired through fandom work?

Hmm, this was tough. I’m going to say HTML. I’m not up-to-date on webdesign at all, but back in my early fandom days, I ran a few fansites. I still sometimes use HTML while leaving comments or to edit posts on dreamwidth or w/e. It’s super basic, but it has helped me at work at a variety of jobs. I take it for granted that people my age should know basic HTML, but a lot of them don’t, and then a lot of people I work with now are older and definitely not tech savvy. 

5. Do you think anyone can learn to create great art, or does it take talent?

Well, I’m going to cheat a little. I do think think that anyone can learn to create great art, but I also think that everyone has a talent at something, and part of learning to create great art is recognizing your skill sets and honing those. If that makes sense? I’ve sort of seen both sides to this. I’ve seen naturally talented people create great things, but I also think that they’re probably cheating themselves if they’re not learning and honing their craft and trying to get better. But I’ve also seen people who started out making things that maybe you wouldn’t call great, but they worked hard over and over again, and looking at their work now, you’d say they were talented without ever knowing the difference. Great art = talent + learning + passion. Did that even answer the question? ...moving on

6. Do you prefer AUs or in-universe? Why?

I prefer to write in-universe, for sure. I find modern AUs more challenging, mostly because--and I feel kinda bad saying this--it’s very difficult for me to tap into Jyn and Cassian’s characters without some kind of tragic background. Their experiences and how they coped with them shape their personalities, and it’s really hard to separate them from those. My WWII was easier because, hey, it’s war, not so different from in-verse. But I initially tried to write Learning Curve in a modern AU and I was just totally bored. Putting it in universe made it more interesting to me, especially having to finagle a happier plot inverse. IDK, it might even be that I generally struggle to make up any conflict in modern AUs that feels interesting.

THAT SAID, lol, I definitely read either. So it’s probably strange for me to be hung up on it because I’ve read nice fluffy modern AUs and found them perfectly engaging.

Tagging: @theputterer, @magalis, @allatariel, @mythologicalmango, @threadsketchier  MY USUAL DISCLAIMER APPLIES: no pressure if you just don’t wanna, AND if anyone sees this and was like “aw hey i wish she’d tagged ME” well guess what, I wish I did too! so go ahead and do it and let me know and then i’ll know to tag you next time, too :-) 

Questions:

When you suffer a setback or a series of setbacks when creating (writing, drawing, knitting, any kind of crafty project thing you work on... even work), what are some strategies you use to cope with that stress and move forward?

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to create/make and what did you learn from it?

What part of a bicycle would you be?

What’s a helpful writing (art/crafting/work) technique you’ve learned?

What’s a piece of art that made you see things differently?

You’re a new addition to the crayon box. What color would you be and why?

What was the last board game you played and what did you like or not like about it?

*sorry these came out rather writer heavy!