#All Roads Lead to Purgatory

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

something about qbad mentioning how much horror he put red team thru every time purgatory gets brought up... something about how proud dapper was of him.

like this is just my late-night read but- it feels like guilt qbad is trying to twist into pride. he keeps needling away at it. “i killed them all, over and over and over again.” “they were hunted by a monster.”

it’s like- reassurance. like a nail he’s trying o beat into his head. he’s had SO much trouble with legitimately hurting his friends, despite making that vow all the way back when the eggs first went missing, despite all the tree talk and the promises to save the kids no matter what. He never faltered with elq, and that protected them. He keeps faltering now. Sometimes he doesnt remember the code, or cucurucho, or skeppy. But that doesnt matter, right? Because he’ll protect the eggs. He’ll be the monster. he is the monster. he can and he will protect them even as his seams start ripping and he keeps breaking further and further apart. even at his worst, he’ll do whatever he needs to protect the eggs.

he’ll be the monster. wont he?

[shyinsunlight]

snippet from a wip / 900 words // update: posted on ao3

There’s something very unsettling about Tom Riddle. 

Cedric can’t put a finger on it. Whether it’s the way he moves, all long limbs and eerie fluidity, the dissecting gaze he follows them with, or the way he speaks, with an accent that doesn’t match his manners.

Maybe it’s how he feasts on Harry’s presence like a religious zealot, or how his eyes wander up and down on Harry’s body as if he’s seen the skin and flesh underneath.

It makes his stomach clench and his skin crawl, but there isn’t anything specific he can pinpoint, and Harry… Harry doesn’t seem to be bothered by any of it at all.

Tom pops up around the campus like a flicker of lightning and disappears just as quickly, often leaving Cedric wondering if he was actually there or if Cedric is simply going mad. But there’s no way it’s all a coincidence. No way in hell, because it happens over and over, and it feels like he and Harry are playing some fucked-up game of tag. 

First, it’s a bad film stuck on repeat: in the morning at the pool, around lunchtime in the cafeteria, in the afternoon near the Humanities building. Tom is always there like a shadow, and Harry is always blissfully oblivious to the fact that they’re being stalked. It’s undeniably stalking, even if it seems harmless on the surface.

[...]

“Talk to him, Harry. Tell him to fuck off, to leave us alone, or we'll go to the police and—”

Harry tenses at the word.

---

Almost five years of radio silence, and then this. Tell about scratching a bone-deep wound.

Harry doesn’t know if he should be pleased that he’s given space or pissed that he’s being ignored. Fond nostalgia and resentment brew a sweet poison.

This is bullshit. This cannot go on, he decides after seventeen consecutive days of Tom playing a ghost. He makes Cedric paranoid and grouchy, and Harry’s not having it. If Tom wants to talk — he bloody should — then Harry will let him. If he doesn’t want to talk, Harry will make him, because this limbo they’re in is just fucked up.

Just as fucked up as the way his pulse skyrockets when Tom turns his head to the side, letting that curly strand of hair fall over his eye. He glances at Harry as he tucks it back behind his ear, sending a tingle down Harry’s spine before nausea takes over.

Friday evening is the time. They’re in the library and it’s late. Only a few eager students linger around, but even they head to the pub when the sun sets. By the time Cedric stifles the first yawn, it’s only the three of them left. Harry and Cedric sit by the window, and Tom sits three rows away, not even pretending to read anymore. 

Cedric aggressively ignores Harry’s meaningful glances.

“Go, Ced. I’ll meet you in the dorm in half an hour, and then we can still go down to the lake if you’d like.”

“Nah, it’s too late for that. Practice tomorrow morning, remember?”

Harry nods, but he’s looking at Tom. “Yeah, sure. No lake then. I won’t be long.”

“Tell him to fuck off,” Cedric grunts. He stifles another yawn that makes Harry yawn too, then grabs his bag and leaves with a promise of getting some wine.

When the echo of the closing door dies away, Harry gets up and strides to Tom’s desk with more confidence than he actually has.

“What the hell?”

“Harry,” Tom pushes his chair back and stands up.

For once, there’s no teasing glint in his eyes, no smirk on his lips. Only a sober gravity, as if all his cards were on the table, drill out, Harry’s win being an open-shut case — except that Harry doesn’t know if he wants to win. What is winning, anyway, when both roads lead to purgatory?

“You can’t just keep following me like this and not say a word. The least you can do is fucking talk to me.”

“I find no fault in my method,” Tom takes a step closer so they stand eye to eye. Harry’s grown a few inches taller than him, but the urge to cower still springs up inside. “But since you can’t seem to resist talking to me, I suppose I can indulge you a tad.”

Attractive is a colourless word. He’s a goddamn stunner, a piece of art carved out of white flesh. He smells of soap and tea leaves and crisp autumn air, and the scent sets off an avalanche of memories. Harry mentally punches himself for remembering the taste of his tongue.

He pushes Tom against the closest bookshelf, against Beaver and Chomsky and Forsyth. He’s crushed like paper by Harry’s trained body, with the two of them pressed so tight they can hear their heartbeats echo off the spines.

“Is this the best you can do?” Tom groans with a roll of his hips, half-amused, half-serious.

“You wanna fight?”

Harry lives by many strict rules he’s set for himself. He breaks every single one of them when he kisses Tom.

Tom grabs his face and pulls him closer, a slither of tongue meeting parted lips. The grip is firm but the skin is soft, and Tom tastes like sin and sugar, deadly and divine. Harry shatters into shreds and is put back together.

“Fighting’s not on the list,” Tom gasps into his mouth, hand slipping under Harry’s shirt to palm his hipbone.

It’s a frenzy; feet drag, fingers clench and noses bump as they struggle to catch their breaths. The kiss, born out of hurt and another emotion Harry doesn’t dare to admit, translates to pure desperation.

[sugoi-writes]

Nun!Alastor x Reader - The Confessional - Part 1

It's 1 AM, and @st-alastors-confessional has me foaming at the mouth. I wrote this far-too-long drabble based off of the MOD's Nun Alastor. Please please enjoy!

Warning: Not proofread in the slightest, with implications of sacrilege and sinning behavior. You've been warned! I might do another part with more debauchery down the road hehe

The sermon was going swimmingly, all things considered. The Pastor and Priest, St. Vox, lead with a soulful, boisterous tone. Albeit, he had always led his sermons with a strong, charismatic energy. He left the congregation absolutely enraptured, waiting on hand and foot for him to speak again.... You, another sinner among the crowd, tried to absorb what you could from his ravings and ramblings.

Clearly, when you wound up in Hell... you found out the hard way that God was, indeed, real. You had long been a on-Christian, and even if you still weren't... you couldn't look the facts in the face and say they weren't true. It was a simple notion:

God was real. You were not a loyal believer. You did a bad thing or two, and now you're in a church in the heart of the Pentagram, seeking answers.

You were hoping to find a way to get into Heaven... St. Vox's approach was very traditional, almost 'Dark Ages' approach. A phrase you heard once or twice rung through your mind, clear as the morning church bells:

" When a coin in the coffer rings, a soul in purgatory springs..."... no, was it sings??? That, you werent sure... either way--

Many wealthier, gullible sinners would shove money towards the Church, desperate to buy their way out of Hell. The more meek, kind hearted sinners would often throw money to the offering plates to prevent their love ones from suffering the same fate... Whether their monetary sacrifices were successful or not... well, that's yet to be seen. And no one truly know where that money goes...

And so you searched and listened in the pews patiently, hoping that something would reveal itself to you... Would living justly get you out of here? Would denouncing sin in its entirety get you the ticket out of this hellhole? Hell, did you need to declare yourself celibate? You certainly wouldn't be opposed, after some of the shit you saw on Day One...

In all honestly, you'd be willing to throw a few dollars in the pot on the off chance your gut was wrong about St. Vox's approach. As you know, your intuition had led you astray before...

You were five Sundays deep in this contrived drivel, and yet, you still had questions... The questions that plagued your mind could only be answered by the Priest, ideally during Confessional tonight... But, as you tried your best to stay awake through another biblical tangent, you were startled by a choral uproar. The choir, made entirely of clergy, was the closest thing to Heavenly that they, or any sinner, could hear in Hell.

Honest efforts were being made to sing the hymns and profess the Gospel accurately. The pitches and incantations were perfectly admirable, even enjoyable... and surprisingly, all of this was all done in Latin. It was nearly enough to raise goosebumps across your flesh, your senses pleased by the perfect, harmonious progressions.

One among the nuns who sung, with strong, crimson features, met your gaze in the middle of the refrain. You felt the gaze burrowing into you deeper, trembling subconscious as the song made you sway along.

A pointed, yellowed smile graced your eyes as the deer demon sang along. The overall tone of the higher melodic line had felt like cashmere; it was refined and soft due to their(?) unique voice texture. It was a tone that you felt was familiar... a comforting one. You couldnt put your tongue on it, squinting slightly at the demure nun. They(?) seemed to notice your infatuation, their hands folding neatly together and clasping a fine, ornate rosary. Their hands were elegant, long and thin, reminding you of a Royal... surely, those hands were used for more than empty prayer?

You felt your mind run to impurities and sin almost instantly, panicking as you tore your sight away from the Nun. You felt your throat running dry as you shook your head in shock. You couldn't be thinking this way about a nun-- a NUN? Quite literally, a celibate being, devoted to God and His work. This felt... wrong. So wrong, even for a sinner like you.

Your legs brushed tightly against one another, hoping to stiffle the feeling that pooled in your core. You watched the way that the Nun's chest rose and fell, how the angular jaw was complimented by the small, bobbed tufts that framed it. Your eyes became lost in the visual stimuli as you pondered just how demure and sweet this Nun must have looked under the habit...

You bite the inside of your cheek as you felt the Nun's eyes still looking to you, as if they KNEW exactly what you were thinking. 'If you keep undressing me with your eyes, I might catch a cold,' your mind mimicked in their voice.

You felt indecent, completely exposed to someone who you should be regarding as an example of purity and devotion...

As the hymn finally concluded, the Priest dismissed the clergy. He was swiftly wrapping things up as the coffers and offering plates made their rounds around the room. The nuns assisted, coming row by row to collect generous donations and desperate offerings. You felt yourself stiffen as you noticed the red and black demon making their way closer to you, voice teeming with a startling sweetness.

"Blessings unto you, dear Sinner. Many thanks. ...Blessings unto you, dear. How has your mother been fairing--?"

As the velvety voice grew closer to you, you felt yourself unable to move, paralyzed with fear. What if they knew you were lusting over them so superficially? Would they be able to tell?

You nearly fell into the aisle as a sinner slammed into you from behind, thrusting money towards the chaste nun," Pl-Please!!!! Please, this is all that I have!!! Sister Alastor, Sister Alastor!!! Bless me!!! Bless me, Sister!!!"

The Demon nun took pause at your row, noticing you struggling under the weight of the sinner on top of you. Your lungs felt like they were being squeezed shut, unable to expand in their efforts. You pushed with all of your might, eyes closed as you fought back," W-Watch it, you f-- Ugh, you putrid FUCK!!! Get off me!!!"

Swiftly, Sister Alastor's hand was on the neck of the sinner, squeezing tightly as he gasped and gurgled. The nun simply smiled, head tilted," Dear sinner! Your penance is null and void if you cast discomfort and pain upon thine neighbor!" The nun's neck practically snapped at velocity they cocked their head up, looking downcast at the panicking demon. Unable to look up, you missed the smile Alastor wore, threatening to tear the demonic face of the nun in two.

"Take your vile hands and cast them into the River Styx... for your blood money is not welcome in these halls... Now leave this scared place. "

The sinner gasps, coughing and sputtering as he scrambles away, causing you to fall forward out of your pew. Just when you think you're about to eat shit: two large, taloned hands delicately hold you aloft.

"Are you unharmed, little lamb?" You blink for a moment, looking up slowly... only to find Sister Alastor's face an inch from your own. You stuttered as your hot breath fanned against his face, your legs threatening to give out under you.

"Y-Yes, Im-- I'm quite alright. Thank you, Sister..." You allow Alastor to place you back onto your feet, the hands of the docile-looking demon smoothing out your outfit and brushing off imaginary debris.

"I apologize for making you intervene. Thank you-- I would've been trampled to death, were it not for you." The deer Demon's smile could have made the devil tremble... but to you, it seemed entirely sincere," Thank me not, dear Lamb. For the Lord always calls upon his disciples to help those in need." Alastor takes a step away from you, bowing their head and giving you a polite curtsy.

"Alas, I must be away. But, should you need to seek council... the Lord always has room to hear out your wayward strifes and confessions." You reach out and almost touch the Nun's habit, sheepishly blushing when you sense the farmer's flinch.

"A-Actually... will the Priest be seeing anyone for Confession tonight? I... I have concerns. Concerns I feel like he could help me through... Im troubled, and just..." Your eyes are downcast, unable to look at the devilishly handsome demon," Im... concerned about my salvation. And need advice on how better to achieve it... or, if its really too late for me now."

You feel your heart leap into your throat as the Nun's head pulls off a complete 180° spin, the body following suit a moment after. Alastor clasps both of your hands in his own, smile wide and full of glee," But of course! Our hallowed halls could never deny such an honest soul seeking the Lord's guidance!" Alastor's head grows closer to yours, voice hushing. You're forced to lean in too, his voice hardly above a whisper.

"However, he will be unable to see anyone just yet. Return at the Witching Hour... he will have an audience with you then." Your eyes widened as you smiled back, eagerly shaking the nun's hands," O-Oh thank you-- Thank you!!! I appreciate that! I'll be back soon, then. Bless you, Sister Alastor! "

You nod and bow back to the nun, who regards you evenly but warmly, before watching you leave. You did not see the smirk that spread across Alastor's face... the glint of excitement that lights up his candy red eyes.

Oh, he knows damn well that Vox will not seek an audience with you that late in the night... who best to stand in for the Priest other than himself... the Mother Superior?

His mind festers with demented excitement as you stumbled out of the church, looking like a scared, timid doe... Oh, how he would enjoy seeing you again. He would need to prepare for your visit... after all, you would be doing your fair share of confessing AND atoning for your sins... your eyes hid nothing from him. And he was going to enjoy seeing them well up with blissful tears, a wanton expression gracing your cheeks...

The click of the nun's shoes echoed as he followed the other clergy members elegantly, his face not giving anything away. Oh Lord, how you've blessed him with a most delightful pleasure... he'd be sure to repent for his indecency later.

[whitmore]

rewatching the bolas day one purgatory vod this morning and it’s soul-crushing bc it really didn’t go downhill immediately. genuinely they had some weird kind of hope even after being killed repeatedly until both green and blue decimated half the team at the same time. the entire team made jokes and comments about how the other teams should remember day one, that they set bolas on whatever path they followed from this point forward. charlie messaging bbh “you changed my life”, foolish saying the other teams will never forget what happened today— there’s a bit of general fandom commentary about how bolas supporters (or bolas themselves) can’t let go of what happened on the first day of purgatory and it’s because day one is so narratively intertwined with what bolas becomes and how their team moved forward from that point, the base foundation of their synergy is the events of that first day. it’s an all roads lead to rome thing where it’s difficult to analyze bolas’ motives and actions without mentioning the very thing that they’re founded on, which happens to be the events of day one

[misc-obeyme]

Simeon's Invitation

I'm on a roll lately, so here's another installment of the daily chat scene series. Satan is next.

Okay, this takes place in or after OG season 4 so there are Simeon related spoilers. I think most people know what happened to him by now, but just in case, please be aware.

I love Simeon, he doesn't get enough attention, and what they did to him in season four filled me with inexplicable rage. Er that is to say it gives me a lot to work with when it comes to his relationship with MC lol.

GN!MC x Simeon

Warnings: SPOILERS for OG Season 4, but otherwise nothing because fluff is my thing.

SIMEON MC, if I recall correctly, today is your turn to collect everyone's notebooks in class. Carrying them all to the staffroom all by your lonesome can't be easy. Would you like me to help?

MC I can handle it.

SIMEON Are you sure? I'd like to help, you know. Even if it's just a little. Can I make a request as well? I'd like to walk you part of the way home. So, let's leave together once the notebooks are safely delivered to the staffroom. Promise?

Despite the fact that you had initially told Simeon you could handle bringing the notebooks to the staffroom, you let him help you out anyway. It had been clear from his message that he wanted to and really, you didn't mind the company. You could certainly do it on your own, but why not indulge him and yourself a little, too?

Now you walked down the hallway of RAD, a stack of notebooks in your arms. Simeon walked beside you with the other half of the notebooks stacked in his. You had to admit it was easier to carry them this way.

When you reached the staffroom door, Simeon expertly balanced his stack in a way that allowed him to open it without dropping everything. He did this with a school bag also slung over his shoulder and you were truly impressed.

"After you," he said.

"Thanks," you said with a little laugh, going inside the room.

Simeon set his pile down on the table, then turned to you and took your pile from your arms. He set his arms against yours in order to allow you to transfer them, standing close but not too close, a soft smile on his face. As soon as the notebooks were in his keeping, Simeon pulled away, turning to place them on the table next to the others.

Simeon turned back to you, brushing back a stray strand of his soft hair. "There," he said. "Isn't it better to have someone help out? Now I can walk you home, if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind," you said. "I promised, didn't I?"

When Simeon had texted you that single "Promise?" you had responded almost instantly with your own "Promise." Mostly because you couldn't imagine saying no to him. You didn't really want to anyway.

"Let's go then," Simeon said, leading the way out of the room and down the hall.

The day outside was calm. No stormy weather, but no sunshine, either. Just the usual Devildom darkness. But there always seemed to be a subtle glow around Simeon that followed him wherever he went, even after he was no longer technically an angel. So you didn't feel like you were in complete darkness.

You weren't sure why he wanted to walk you part of the way home. It was something the two of you had done before. At a certain point in the road, the way to Purgatory Hall split off from the way to the House of Lamentation, so that was where you always parted. It wasn't as though this walk was very far, but maybe he just wanted to be with you, even for a short time?

For a little while, you and Simeon walked together in a comfortable silence, occasionally brushing against each other as you made your way down the street.

Eventually, though, you had to ask, "So why did you want to walk me home?"

"Hmm?" Simeon looked over at you. "Oh, can't I just want to be with you?"

You bumped into him slightly. "Sure, but you made me promise and everything. So I thought there must be another reason."

Simeon's smile was as serene as it usually was, but you could see the sparkle in his eyes. "I just didn't want to miss out on an opportunity to be with you."

You gave him a suspicious look, but you didn't question him further. Instead, you began talking about recent school events. Simeon told you all about Luke's latest pastry creation. You talked a little about Lucifer doing too much paperwork again.

By the time you had reached the split in the road that meant you had to part, you hadn't even realized how long it had been that you'd been in conversation with him. You felt a little stab of disappointment at the thought of leaving him, but you knew you had to go home. And likely Simeon had things to do as well.

"Hang on, MC," Simeon said as you were about to say goodbye. "You were right. There was a reason I wanted to walk home with you today. Will you come with me just a little further?"

You threw up your hands. "I knew it. All right, lead on!"

Simeon smiled and took your hand, pulling you off the road and into a small group of trees. You were a little confused, but you let him lead the way.

When he stopped, you found yourself standing on the edge of a little pond. It was lined with brightly luminescent blooming flowers in blues, purples, and yellows. You could see the shiny silver of fish swimming just beneath the surface.

You looked around with wide eyes because the little pond was so beautiful. You turned to Simeon. "I had no idea this was back here," you said.

Simeon smiled brightly. "I thought you probably didn't," he said. "I accidentally stumbled upon it a few days ago."

You moved closer to the pond, watching as a little fish jumped out of the water for a moment.

"I also brought some snacks, if you'd like to take a break here," Simeon said.

You turned back to him. "I think I can take a break before going home."

Simeon was indeed prepared. In his bag, he had a blanket as well as a box of cookies and even a flask of iced tea. He spread the blanket on a flat area next to the pond, just at the edge of the flowers.

It was just like him to plan an impromptu picnic like this. You settled on the blanket beside him, eyes still on the pond and the softly glowing flowers.

"I'm so happy to share this moment with you, MC," Simeon said. He was about to open the box of cookies, but you reached out and took his hand.

Since he stopped wearing his angel outfit, there was no glove to separate your skin from his. You felt the softness of his touch, the slight clamminess of his hand, as though he was just a little nervous.

You leaned closer to him, letting your head rest on his shoulder. "You're such an angel. Being near you is a blessing."

Simeon's breath hitched. You knew what your words meant to him. You felt his arm wrap around your shoulder. "I'm not an angel anymore, MC."

You sat up to look into his eyes. "You are to me. I think you always will be."

A blush spread across Simeon's cheeks and there was something in his eyes that looked both moved and desperate. A mix of pleasure and pain, like you were healing him and tearing him apart all at the same time.

Simeon leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours so sweetly it almost made you want to cry. He was about to pull away, but you reached out, holding onto him to keep him close. You deepened the kiss, thrilled at the way he responded so easily, opening up for you.

Perhaps you spent a little more time on the blanket beside the pond than you had initially meant to. But everything felt brighter and better the longer you were in Simeon's arms.

others in this series:

Mammon | Barbatos | Solomon | Lucifer | Leviathan

Asmodeus | Diavolo | Beelzebub | Belphegor | Satan

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[jhondoe789]

One Bad Day

This is my first ever post on tumblr and I’m not sure if anyone will ever see it or if it’s worth reading but I had this thought and I wanted to share it with others. If anyone does read it I’d love to hear your thoughts.

In the famous comic/movie “The Killing Joke” the Joker says that it only takes one bad day to drive a person insane. As a fan of the Lackadaisy I had the realization that this can applied to all of the current and former main Lackadaisy characters (Mitzi, Mordecai, Victor, Zib, and Rocky). This collective “one bad day” was the day Atlas was murdered. This might not sound like it makes sense or could be applied to everyone but the day Atlas died started a chain of events that permanently changed all those affected by it. To best break it down I’ll go over how this “one bad day” affected each character.

MITZI

As the grieving widow Mitzi let her grief drive her to make increasingly morally questionable decisions that led to her losing Wick and Zib. Her pain led to her manipulating those around her, Wick for money, which would be discovered and ultimately lead to a break up with a woman he clearly had feelings for, and getting Rocky into getting alcohol despite the danger this puts him in. She becomes so obsessed with saving the Lackadaisy that the ounce beautiful Georgia rose was reduced to a prickly bush. When Zib offered her a way out her pain her trauma prevented her from doing so, all stemming from that one bad day.

MORDECAI

a man defined by order and precision, Mordecais meticulously constructed world fell to pieces thanks to one bad day. Atlas raised him and when he was taken away the structures that protected him collapsed. Despite his cold exterior he does hold compassion for those he cares about like Victor and Atlas. He abandoned and crippled Victor, his one and only friend after he refused to retire. Mordecai infiltrated the Marigold to find Atlas’s killer, making reckless choices, like crippling his best friend, getting sucked into a voodoo cult, kidnapping a man for information under the Savoy’s noses, and robbing the Lackadaisy, choices defined by pain, fear and desperation.

VICTOR

he never cared much for Atlas but his death made him lose his one freind who crippled him and now is forced to watch the Lackadaisy a place he helped build, rot. All while being reduced to a bartender and being further damaged by a shotgun blast to the chest, one can compare it to being trapped in purgatory all thanks to one bad day.

ZIB

Zib hated Atlas, not because of what he was but for what he did to Mitzi. Mitzi married a villain and after Atlas’s death became one. He held on to the hope that she would leave, that they could go on the road again. In the end, Zib would give up on her leaving her to pick up her pearls. After years in the Lackadaisy, Zib had been hollowed out, reduced to a drunken, tobacco stained shell of his former self, but watching Mitzi turn into the ruthless criminal she married broke him, a chain of unfortunate events stemming from one bad day.

ROCKY

Rocky is arguably the most tragic of all the characters in Lackadaisy, losing his parents at a young age, dominated by some form of mental illness that leaves him despised by most, kicked out of his Aunts house for an incident he may or may not have been responsible for, finding solid ground with the Lackadaisy only to see it all fall apart. Seeing everything burning around him he gave into his worst impulses in order to make himself useful to the Lackadaisy. His love (plutonic love) for Mitzi and his desire to be a part of the band led him to become increasingly erratic and reckless, he enlisted his cousin and Ivy into the fight, leading to Calvin becoming a killer and Ivy becoming more afraid and confused. Rocky may always have been crazy but the innocent antics of his youth were transformed into something darker and more destructive. One bad day brought the worst side of Rocky out just like the others.

CONCLUSION

“One bad day”, the Joker lost his family and was deformed by chemicals, his already poor life experiences provided a foundation for his madness. Like Joker the characters directly affected by Atlas’s death provided the final push that sent them into a spiral of despair, chaos, sadness and even madness. While none of these characters were exactly “ordinary” or good people in general, they had stable lives but when that was stripped away they were left broken and vulnerable leading them on their respective paths to damnation. Of course this is just my interpretation of these characters and I wouldn’t consider this little essay to be anything taken seriously.

thank you for anyone who took the time out of their day to read this and if you have any comments I’d love to hear them!

[sootsz]

secret life and qsmp purgatory happening at the same time is so funny how has this happened twice. apparently all roads lead to killing your closest friends in a minecraft death game while mysterious forces represented by an eye symbol watches you

[fuiabarcelos]

Sam Winchester: Fic Recs (July - 2023)

Hello! Are you all right?

I decided to make recommendations of the stories I read each month. This month I didn't read much because I traveled and was away from home for many days.

The stories that are here were not posted this month, they are my favorite stories that I read this month.

1 - Losing you (Tumblr or AO3): By @idreamofhazel  

 “Sam felt like the luckiest man alive. After months of searching, Dean finally came back from purgatory, and then just a short time later, he and Sam ran into you, a hunter who found her niche in banishing spirits. To say that you and Sam were head-over-heels in love was an understatement. So, when the Winchesters woke up one morning to find you missing, their world was shattered. Getting you back isn’t a simple search and rescue, though, and it leads them to a shocking discovery about your disappearance. But even after they find you and bring you home, there’s a possibility you may not want to stay.”

Info: Series - 11 chapters

Warnings: “angst with pockets of fluff, memory loss, forced captivity, mild injuries, suicidal thoughts/triggers (in the flavor of the season 8 arc & finale), character deaths, past child death” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.

2 - 90 days: By @winchester-fantasies

“You’ve been hit by a curse. Now you only have 90 days to live. Sam and Dean race to find a cure while secrets are revealed and feelings are discovered in the process.”

Info: Mini-series - 5 chapters

Warnings: “Mature {general warnings: smut, fluff, angst, pining, swearing} ***Detailed warnings will be listed in specific chapters.” -  Warnings and summary described by the creator.

3 -  Switching Seats: By @thinkinghardhardlythinking

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3    Part 4

“A fluffy slow burn romantic Sam Winchester story.  The Truth Will Set You Free - A classic ‘truth spell’ gone awry hits the Reader and the Winchester Brothers.”

Info: Mini-series - 4 chapters

Warnings: “Fluff with some very tame implied smut” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.

4 -  Hit The Road: By @imagines-all-day-everyday​

You and Sam are childhood friends and have to pretend to be married in a town where couples are being killed. Will you still be able to keep your passion for each other hidden?

Info: One shot - 14175 words

Warnings:  “Violence, fluff” -  Warnings described by the creator.

5 -  P.S, I... hate you?: By @imagines-all-day-everyday​

You and Sam used to fight to hide your passion for each other.

Info: One shot - 7828 words

Warnings:  “ Fluff, Swearing” -  Warnings described by the creator.

6 -  Sam if his partner has OCD: By @dragjunkie23​

Info: Headcanon

7 - Not another moment: By @percywinchester27

"No don't go. Don't leave me like everyone else."

Info: One shot - 3100 Words.

Warnings: "Angst, fluff" - Warnings and summary described by the creator.

[puppetsoftomorrow]

⭐️ the phoebmonster fanfiction masterpost ⭐️

🌟 💛 all complete, but series may be ongoing

multichapter

all these roads lead back to you - 11k

🩷 set around s3, an artefact gives sara and ava the ability to read eachothers minds and force them to stay close. it goes about as well as you'd expect

the day before you came - 13k

❤️ ava hates going home for christmas, so she hires sara to come with her to annoy her family - but will something real come of their fake relationship?

heart of gold - 13k

🧡 sara is a lighthouse keeper and ava is from another world, washed up, all alone, unable to speak and far from home

wild wild whisper - 15k

💛 ava is a lawyer, back in town after fifteen years, sara is a cowboy who never left - will their past drive them apart, or is it not to late to begin again?

for reasons wretched and divine - 20k

💚 fantasy au - ava is a princess on the run, and sara is a bandit with something to hide. loosk like its time for an adventure!!

heaven sent - 12k

🩵 a captain marvel au. sara has no memories of ava, but finds her way back to her. can it work with a lifetime of memories behind them?

flip a coin, decide your fate - 9.2k

💙 the legends all have soul coins, and astra has a hold of them, and gives them a chance to pick them up. written with ginger-canary :)

the girl in the movies - 20k

💜 highschool au - ava is the lead actress in sara's favourite tv show, and transfers to sara's school, but she's not who sara imagined at all

oneshots

the problem with portals - 1.9k

🩷 set in s4 - the five times the legends portal to fetch sara from ava's house, and what they find when they do

in another life (you would be my girl) - 3k

❤️ set after 4x08, where ava remembers the timeline in which sara was killed by the unicorn

half the world away - 3.6k

🧡 what if in 4x12, instead of sending ava to purgatory, neron gives her what she's always wanted?

if only, if only (you were mine) - 10k

💛 high school au - ava and sara are paired together to look after a robot baby for their social studies class - the trouble is, they hate eachother

for science! - 3.7k

💚 based on the brooklyn nine nine drunk scale - charlie and z1 get ava increasingly drunk to see what happens. zarlie!!

vienna waits for you - 4.2k

🩵 ava is a fire warden, alone and in 1989, and her radio connects to the waverider, with sara on the other end of the line

star child, are you out there? - 5.8k

💙 set in season 4a - ava temporaily adopts a baby who's also a magical creature. but what if it's not so temporary?

series

twelve and thirteen - a second ava becomes a part of the legends

now the day bleeds (into nightfall) - 4.7k

🖤 post 4x09 - a new clone is brought in to replace ava as director, and they get to know eachother as ava deals with her breakup with sara

you can see the difference - 6.4k

🩶 ava 13 returns to the waverider to go on holiday with the legends, and lots of introspection for ava

halley and the comet - snippets of avalance family life, with their children halley and grayson

i've been waiting for you - 3.5k

🤍 how the legends escaped from the time prison, as told in a bedtime story

now i stand here looking at the sky - 1.9k

🩶 the legends come around for dinner, as sara is carrying a pretty big secret

my love, my life - 1.2k

🖤 sara and ava's second child is born, and halley meets her brother

tumblr oneshots

these were all orginally posted to tumblr, and were then cross-posted to ao3

you've got a hold on this heart of mine - 1.5k

🩷 post 4x05 - ava comes home from thanksgiving to find sara, and domestic fluff ensues

if you could bring her back to me (or take her from my memory) - 1.1k

❤️ ava's angsty introspection, post the break up in 4x09

you're too much to forget - 0.4k

🧡a series of voicemails from sara to ava, set between the break up in 4x09 and when sara finds ava again in 4x12

no matter what, just be my girl - 1.6k

💛 what happened between sara and ava after ava gets home from purgatory

i'll trade all of my tomorrows (for one single yesterday) - 0.7k

💚 an alternative version of the break up scene in 4x09 - still angst though

got leavin' on her mind - 1.6k

🩵 sara can't brush off atropos' attack so easily - Major Angst!!

(i'm so) afraid of losing you again - 1.1k

💙 an alternative take on the opening for 6x01, written before s6 aired

i thought i'd been kissed and i thought i'd been loved (but that was before i met you) - 1k

💜 an au where sara doesn’t get kidnapped by aliens … or the one where ava gets tucked into bed

i'm just me - 1.2k

🩷 an alternative scene for sara telling ava that she's now an alien-clone. hurt / comfort

it's the happiness of having you (that makes my world a place worth living in) - 2.1k

❤️ my take on the avalance wedding! absolutly nothing like the wedding we got aha

hoping just by chance that i'll get a glimpse of you - 1k

��� written based on the 7x05 promo that something goes wrong and maybe ava gets erased for a bit when gwyn's time machine is on the fritz

heaven watches over fools like me - 0.8k

💛 ava and sara play gay chicken - originially from a tumblr prompt

the green green grass of home - 1k

💚 a potential s8 where sara and her baby escape from the time jail

[the-lost-writer]

Redemption Dark AU

(Part 3)

Blurb

Stuck in a white box purgatory after his defeat by TSC, Dark sulks. He is the greatest, strongest, and most intelligent stick in the entire universe! And he is stuck here in this… well he isn’t quite sure where but he knows it cannot contain him forever, it’s just taking longer for him to escape without his powers.

One day (if you can even call it day) a glowing orb comes to him with an offer, an offer to get him out on one condition. Dark gladly takes the offer since he will be able to outsmart this being. After all, he is the most intelligent stick in the universe.

New Life

Despite conquering many cities, Dark has never actually been in a city before, at least civilly. Even if he had the desire to, sticks would have fled at the very sight of him! But now not even one stick takes a second glance at him. The city is also too noisy, the commotion and constant hustle and bustle of sticks is a far cry to the solitude in the bay (and box most recently) that he is used to. Kids playing, adults talking, cars honking, street vendors calling out, he just hopes that the apartment has a modicum of peace. He he spots a distracted yellow stick figure talking loudly on a phone with a briefcase in hand walking his direction. Dark instinctually tries shoulder checking the absent-minded stick to get him to stop blabbering-

Aaand he’s back in the box.

“What?! COME ON! SERIOUSLY?!” Dark exclaims in frustration, suddenly becoming lightheaded. Apparently switching bodies on the fly is very disorienting.

The orb cackles with glee. “No hurting other sticks! Not at all!”

Dark grumbles and huffs, shaking his head to clear it. “You are making this unbelievably difficult you stupid…” he grumbles more before he says something else he will have to apologize for.

The orb twinkles with delight at the sticks frustration. Dark watches, seething with hatred. “What if I accidentally bump into someone and they fall? What then?” Dark challenges the self proclaimed god out of frustration.

“Oh, hmm… well I guess that’s ok.” The orb replies.

The rules can change? A brilliant plan starts forming in Darks mind. Why not just manipulate this lightbulb of a god into changing the rules enough so that he can be free? Then no one can-

“So are you gonna apologize now Dark?” The orb interrupts his train of thought.

Dark glares at the orb and let’s out the most irritated sigh he can muster. “Yeah yeah, just put me back.” He takes a deep breath, ready to fight himself to get the words out.

“Sss-sssoorr… sorry. Ok let’s go-“

And he is standing where he was before, just about to run into the distracted yellow stick. He hurriedly dances around them and avoids the collision, the stick finally noticing and dodging as well.

“Woah! Watch where you are heading buddy! Are you ok?” The stick says, concerned for the disoriented Dark. Dark just glares at him and walks away, leaving the stick mightily confused.

Phew. Now where did that orb go? After a few moments of looking around he spots the glowing ball up ahead, rounding a bend and disappearing out of view.

“WAIT! HEY WAIT UP!” Dark calls as he runs after it.

=================

After many twists and turns, the orb halts in front of a pretty average looking apartment building. It looks slightly outdated with patches of different colour bricks randomly cobbled into it as if it has been renovated many times. The alleyways has barely enough room for a dumpster considering how crowded the buildings are here. It now makes sense how the orb was able to afford a room here. Thankfully this street is much quieter than the main road he was just on, giving Dark some relief.

The orb phases through the old wooden door, leading Dark inside. Dark follows after, turning the old metal door handle and swinging the door open. He is immediately hit with a wave of musky air; this place is full of dust and mothballs. Darks face scrunches up as he waves the dust away, coughing as he steps on the old and worn carpet beneath him.

“Name?” The gruff voice of the building doorman asks from the booth beside Dark.

“Um… I’m Dark” the confused stick says.

“Dark Blue” the orb corrects him.

“Dark Blue” he echos.

“Ah, I see. New resident. Fourth floor, here are your keys, room 404. Elevator is broken” the dusky purple stick speaks roboticly, having done this several times before. Dark takes the keys with a nod, uncertain for the first time in his whole life.

He follows the orb up the stairs and to the fourth floor, almost missing his door tucked away down a hall. He struggles with unlocking the door damned old lock. He eventually forces the stubborn door open and takes in his new home…

If you can call a closet a home. There is just enough room for a small bed and a desk, and one other door for a washroom. Nothing else. It’s cramped and cheep looking, and the tacky peeling wallpaper doesn’t help with that ascetic. The room looks like something a grandma would have found fashionable 50 years ago.

Dark starts fuming again. That orb thinks it’s so funny putting THE Dark Lord into this microscopic apartment! The only good thing is the relative silence of the street! Dark will relish that fluorescent bulb’s death… as soon as he can figure out how to kill it, but that’s all in due time.

He takes a breath coughing up more dust and forces the door closed with his shoulder, locking it behind him.

“So how do yah like it? I think it’s good for the price I got it for!” Did you buy it for the price of pocket lint? Dark thinks sarcastically. “And you can pay the rent with the new job!” The orb squeaks cheerfully.

The angry stick lets out an exasperated sigh. Right, the job.

“What job is it?” Dark grumbles, no longer trusting the orbs judgment at what is ‘good’ or not.

“You’ll be working at a fast food place!”

Fast food? Not a very classy job, and definitely not fit for The Dark Lord. At least he should get some free meals, and besides how hard can cooking sloppy meals be? If some dweebs and losers can do it an ex-conquer (soon to resume) should be able to do it easily. Dark starts poking around the room as the orb talks.

“It’s a beginners level job so you aren’t making a whole lot of money, but you are making enough to save up for something that you want! Isn’t that awesome?”

Dark only nods, half listening. Then he realizes something extremely important is missing from the room. “So where is the computer?” Dark asks through gritted teeth, already knowing the answer.

“Computer? Oooh! Oh yeah, woopsie-doopsie!” Dark chokes slightly. “I forgot to say that apartments don’t come with computers, you are gonna have to buy that yourself!” The orb is obnoxiously cheerful about this. Meanwhile Dark is once again giving it a withering look. He has to figure out how to kill this orb as soon as possible, he doesn’t know how much more of this torment he can take.

“OOO OOO! What if you saved up money to buy a computer? Wouldn’t that be wonderful?” The orb trills at this idea.

“Well I guess that’s what I will have to do now thanks to you” Dark growls.

The money he could have used to start buying tools and start making more vira bots- new and improved of course- will have to go to buying a computer so Dark can start coding. He lets out another exasperated sigh before pausing. A thought drifts through his mind; Will I have to be good to get enough money to buy a computer? The thought seems practically nonsensical.

Him? Good? He wouldn’t allow it! It’s simply inconceivable that he could even conceptualize the smallest ideation of him being good! So why should he-

“-Earth to Darkie? Are you theeere?” The orb sings.

Dark snaps out of his thoughts and instinctively takes a swing at the orb for daring to use that nickname. He immediately gets sent to the box but he is too furious to care.

“NEVER CALL ME DARKIE!” He thunders.

“WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!? You keep going ON and ON about how WONDERFUL this whole situation is, how it's just oh so lovely how you've locked me in a crappy apartment too small for a rat, with a minimum wage job and NO computer. Well sparky, this might sound crazy to you, but MAYBE THAT'S NOT SO WONDERFUL AFTER ALL!! YOU MUST HAVE BEEN BLINDFOLDED SEARCHING FOR APARTMENTS BECAUSE THIS IS BY FAR THE WORST OPTION YOU COULD HAVE CHOSEN FOR THE DARK LORD!!”

Dark pants heavily after his tirade, the anger still ringing in his ears.

As his rage fades, he notices that the box is awfully quiet. There isn’t another sound at all, and that sentient lightbulb is nowhere to be seen. Did he hurt the orbs feelings? Well good, it can be as sensitive as it wants. He certainly doesn’t care.

As what feels like minutes tick by, the silence makes itself more known. Every moment that nothing happens Dark gets more and more frustrated.

*That stupid orb sure is dramatic isn’t it?* Dark thinks to himself.

“Oh I’m sorry, did I hurt your feelings?” Dark spits sarcastically, partly to fill the silence. “Would you like an apology with a side of sorry?”

The glowing orb flickers into being in front of him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you that name again. You don’t have to apologize but I thank you that you did.”

Yeah I bet you are sorry. You should’ve known better than to anger The Dark Lord. And I didn’t even apologize you dim lightbulb, I made a sarcastic remark! Does that mean I don’t have to be sincere…? Dark grins wolfishly. There isn’t many pieces to the plan yet, but it is coming together. To make sure he is understanding the orb correctly he tests his theory. “Why do you think I said sorry?”

“Because the words came out of your mouth, you said sorry” the orb sounds confused.

Perfect. He just has to say sorry, even sarcastically, and it will count.

“Alright, now take me bac-“ before he is even finished the word he is standing in the exact same place as before. Dark takes a deep breath, inhaling the dust and coughing once more.

“I’m going to have to deep clean this place” he grumbles.

“Okay! But maybe later, it’s almost time to go to work now!”

“What?! Work starts today!?” Dark isn’t ready for this! He barely explored the city and found his apartment, now he has to do his job today?

“Mhm!” The orb answers happily. “In… ten minutes! Better start walking!”

“TEN WHAT!?” Dark stumbles back and nearly trips on the corner of his bed. In a flash he grabs his key and races towards the door. He has to get there RIGHT NOW if he has any hope of being able to buy a computer. Dark starts fighting to open the door again.

“What cha doin’?” The orb floats above his head unhelpfully.

“I’m leaving to go to work right now” he growls back as the door creaks open. He kicks it closed and locks it behind himself.

“Why?”

“Because if I get lost there will be enough time for me to find my way back!” Dark shouts while racing down the stairs.

“Oooh, smart!” The orb starts leading the way out of the door and into Darks new job. As Dark races after the orb he thinks about his plan; stall long enough to get his powers back, then manipulate the orb into giving him control or (preferably) killing it. If this is what he has to do to become all-powerful again. then so be it. It is only temporary anyhow.

Besides, how hard can flipping burgers really be?

=================

Thank you all so much for your support! It’s really motivating to see how much you all like it. As a surprise, here is what Redemption Dark’s new body looks like!

Thank you to my editor and co-writer @thatonexman for helping me write these chapters! More on the way soon!

Previous | Next

[tonysolomon4jc]

Pope Francis said atheists are covered by the blood of Jesus without faith. Pope Francis said all religions lead to God and should be embraced. He said non-Christians are children of God. He said God made some people gay, & Priests can bless gay marriages. Pope Francis said Jesus' life and the cross ended in failure. Pope Francis said Jesus is not a spirit, but a glorified man. Pope Francis said it's absurd to think that anyone can have a personal direct relationship with Jesus Christ. Pope Francis said that Mary is the road we must travel to reach God. These are all lies from Satan. Pope Francis is possibly the False Prophet from the book of Revelation. If so, he will usher in the Antichrist from Revelation 13. Nobody in the Bible prayed to Mary. Purgatory is unbiblical. Watch the video Pope Francis and His Lies: False Prophet exposed on YouTube. Also watch Are Catholics Saved on the Reformed Christian Teaching channel on YouTube. Watch the Messiah 2030 YouTube channel for proof that 52 Bible prophecies point to 2030, which is also the year of the Great Reset. Friends should draw you closer to holiness and Jesus Christ. If they pull you towards sin more than holiness then you should walk away. Obey Jesus Christ over everyone. Get the gotquestions app and a Bible app that reads to you like You Version.  Put the New Testament on repeat. Get a study Bible. Preach the gospel of Jesus Christ!

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

5, 7, 12, 13, 17

ah yes the winning lottery numbers /j

5) Who's your favourite couple?

BAGI + TINA i swear to god it makes me want to bite, the way that they get reduced into just basic background tea drinking lesbians by the fandom so frequently. no! they're interesting!

They love each other to the point of invention (Tina's love for Bagi changed the whole gameplay strategy of Purgatory because she wanted to created tea for her), and neither of them tell each other their secrets, and they hide from each other, and they love each other, and Bagi doesn't want to lose people and Tina's possessive but recognizes it and tries to reel it back, and Tina hates herself and Bagi gave her a ring with I love you as you are written on it. And Tina's a demon who's guilty for falling out of her god's favor, and she calls Bagi angel.

so yeah I'm normal about them

7) Who's your favourite roleplayer?

DIFFICULT. There's so many talented people on this server, it's fucking insane. Kind of have to go with Maximus though, the guy killed off his character because it was just the in-character way for things to go. That's commitment. Also every moment he had was great- Sofia? Casualonas? The theory bros? All roads lead back to Maxo.

And I have to shoutout Baghera for the same reason- She didn't kill her character, but she didn't flee from the nuke at the end of Purgatory because she knew that her character wouldn't stop looking for her daughter, and that's cool as hell. She's immersed!

The best roleplayer whose character isn't dead is probably Bagi, and I love her, I remember seeing her act in Ordem Paranormal and thinking wow, imagine if they got her on the server, but for favorite...Tina's really grown on me. She's got that je ne sais quoi.

12) What language would you like to see next?

TAGALOG, please. I'm biased because my Filipino friends have been wishing for it, but it would also be a relatively easy transition because the language has a lot of Spanish influence

13) Who has the best lore in your opinion?

FitMC for sure. Like shoutout to BadBoyHalo, all of the Fuga crew, and whatever Antoine has going on, they're also really, really good/interesting. But I'm going with FitMC because he consistently pushes the story and the understanding of the world forward, and with really interesting presentation.

17) Who's your favourite family?

The Richarlyson parent collective. There's just so many of my favorite characters in there- We've got Cellbit, Bagi, Pac, Mike, Felps, qQuackity, Roier, Fit. Unstoppable. And there's been so much care and devotion within these character dynamics. Plus Richarlyson deserves the world

Honorable mention to Slime, ElMariana, and Juanaflippa, though. They still haunt me

[sounknownvoid]

robbed of sam's c-ptsd

So im watching this show called absentia which is quite unexpectedly good - in it the female lead is kidnapped n tortured for 6xyears and drowned and choked,beaten etc,etc - upon release, she discovers that her husband, believing her dead, has remarried and her son now thinks of someone else as mum and she still has absolutely horrendous ptsd with shakes n flashbacks that has her immobile, gasping for breath and choking and terrified and then she gets into drugs n alcohol as she tries to cope and shes so angry and jitterry etc etc, her body is scarred all over - scars that itch psycho-somatically etc too..and yet shes also shown kickun ass and takung names and being a general BAMF - theres this whole journey of her recovery in the aftermath alongside her strength and her resilience is clearly shown but in an understated manner....

And to me, thats the road not taken by supernatural about sams cage trauma and return and his subsequent ptsd in following years.... jared padalecki tried to inject some if it in his acting by doing his own research - but without the support from the writers and the story-focus itself, it didnt have the full context for non-trauma-informed viewers to grasp what they were seeing...

We were robbed of sam post cage n recovery journey and it would have made the season when lucifer is back to battle the darkness in the bunker 10xtimes more horrific and clearly shown how much strength and courage it took from sam to find himself back in the cage and tell him no to his face or depth n agony of his shame and despondency when hes resurrected by lucifer in alternate world.... thered have been so much more depth and character develooment for both sam n dean as the brother who truly sees and understamds what it is to see hell-experience from the other side - hed tortured others but what it can do to someone he loves and cares about and how to support someone like that - it could have become the trigger for him to finally share himself emotionally, truly and even understand himself and sam more - development for dean as well as the relationship - & so itd have made his subsequent offer to become the "soul-bomb' to get rid of amara that much more terrible - for hes made all these great strides and his relationship is finally sorta getting ok with sam and hes still willing to sacrifice himself - a true hero instead of just someone who'd had that label slapped on him as it felt like often...the impact of his actions would have been that much more greater - if we'd been allowed to fully see that journey .... but they didnt...we got idiotic leviathans and stupid purgatory and amelia instead and bluueegghhhhazhzgshajabzba... ill go back to my corner now, thanks for listening

[anachronistic-falsehood]

oh my god dude. sorry i'm gonna have a homestuck interlude to classpect qpac and his role in the narrative because i'm thinking about him

he's. SO Page of Hope coded. he's so page of hope fr. his class being a Page makes so much sense because throughout homestuck, every single Page are all people pleasers. they're walking doormats who rarely stand up for themselves. they feel like they can't do anything right, so they sit down and shut up half the time so they don't do anything wrong. and his aspect being Hope makes so much sense because like. Hope is about optimism and doing right for right's sake and helping those who are down. he holds optimism as his greatest shield even when things are crumbling around him. it's so important to him!!!!

but also being a Page means that he lacks his aspect in a way, and his journey will be long and arduous before he can see the fruits of his labour, and when his efforts pay off, MAN it will pay off. there are so many times when he has just seemed to have completely given up hope. he's been broken down again and again and again and you can see the peak of that during the risus pills arc, when he was so out of it he was actively suicidal. but somehow he keeps bouncing back!!! he found the cure anyway, he left it for Cellbit, the guy he's terrified of, and he saved himself and Forever. he will step between something that scares him and something he wants to protect even as he cries and shakes and sniffles the whole time.

the thing about Pages is that it takes a long time for them to reach their full potential, and there will be so many bumps in the road before he even comes close. but when a Page finds that potential, they can be one of the most helpful, powerful, and dangerous members of their session. Pac is an extremely useful member of the server, he's extremely skilled, he just doesn't see it, and he can't reach his full potential as a Page until he can recognize his own accomplishments. the only problem is that when Pages reach their full potential, they have a tendency of dying right away. when Jake faces Aranea in Game Over, when Tavros stands up to Vriska, they both die almost immediately.

Pac and Jake "yes and" everything because they don't want to be a burden, and Pac and Tavros don't know how to face the people who traumatized them. the inaction of Jake and Tavros is what ultimately leads to their deaths at the hands of the Light players who hurt and manipulated them. (coincidentally, i also see Cellbit as a Light player, a Prince or Bard of Light, but that's for another post!!!) Tavros didn't stand up to Vriska sooner, Jake couldn't say no to Aranea, and Pac folds as soon as Cellbit, one of his greatest fears, is in front of him with a knife.

Tavros and Jake forgive people who hurt them no matter what they've done. Pac has faced his own Light Player and died multiple times at his hands in both Purgatories, and now after a brief interrupted apology, they're supposedly just fine. Cellbit doesn't mean to be, but he is Pac's own personal Serket.

the difference with Pac though is that he is like if Jake or Tavros got a well-rounded continuation to their character arcs. his story isn't done!! it's still going!! he's getting there!!! he's getting more confident, he has support from the people around him, and i think eventually he can break this doomed-by-the-narrative cycle that fully fledged Pages seem to have.

[dotthings]

Many many thoughts on TW 1.12!! I loved this episode so so much.

LIMBO’S HALL OF HAPPY

This ep was a banquet of commentary on mhi and how people deal with what’s making them sad and how they deal with their mhi. Feelings of loss, fear of change, or dealing with traumatic of events. It’s understandable to want to escape and not have to think about it for a little while, but if you run too hard from facing yourself for too long your sadness, grief, pain, hurt, anger, it can lead people off the rails, isolated from loved ones, or self-destructing, they can get lost.

Let’s take a look at Dean’s narration: “Hunting’s a dishonest business. You gotta lie all the time about who you are, what you do. But the hardest lies aren’t the ones you tell other people. They’re the ones you tell yourself.”

The Dean, Sam, and Cas coding was all over this ep.

Throwing a few examples out there:

Sam hit a dog and moved in with a woman, using Amelia to escape from his grief, his guilt, his pain over losing Dean and a mental collapse so he ran from hunting, ran from even trying.

Cas, recently traumatized, who coped with binging netfix shows, was kept complacent by Lucifer during his possession in a mindspace that’s watching tv in the bunker kitchen. Cas likes watching tv, the bunker kitchen had become one of his comfort spaces.

Dean, possessed by AU Michael, kept complacent in Rocky’s Bar. Hiding in a peaceful dream. Or Dean in WIAWSNB. Or Dean’s brain inventing a lie in S8 so he wouldn’t have to face the pain of knowing Cas chose to stay behind in Purgatory.

The ep most loudly reflected that in John and the one-shot characters, all of them trying to run from their grief, anger, or fear, and Jerome Haskins, Limbo the clown, who couldn’t deal with his feelings of loss and fear when the Depression caused the carnival to collapse, so he sold his soul in an attempt to stay happy forever.

John wall-slamming a clown, “tell me where she is” had big “where’s the angel” energy. BTW.

Interesting how John realizes the way through the maze is to close his eyes, not look at illusions (the mirrors) and feel his way through in a tactile way.

The way out is to face the truth.

Mary hides from her problems in hunting, John’s using being on the road, on the run, with Mary, starts using that relationship to hide from having to think about his problems.

There’s also some things in this ep that pointedly comment on 15.20. Dean in 15.20 is trying to live his life, which is in fact what he should be doing, it’s all he can do, and that’s not the problem, but he’s also not addressing his depression and his grief. He’s trying to be content, doesn’t want to talk about his grief, he wants a hunt. He wants a piefest. And Sam mashes Dean’s face into pie.

The brother in this ep expresses his regret, “if only I’d helped him through his grief instead of taking him to that damn carnival.”

It’s not suggesting pie got Dean killed in 15.20 or casting blame on Sam, who was just trying to be supportive and tried to get Dean to talk about his grief.

It’s that the piefest and getting his face mashed into pie was not actually what Dean needed. His arc wasn’t finished when he’s impaled on that rebar.

And Cas…Cas is unavoidably important here. The lack of resolution.

And now—Dean’s restless soul, likely got caught in limbo. Angry and hurt and confused and not ready and maybe Dean’s soul, it’ll turn out, went seeking an illusion of happiness, instead of facing himself and his pain and seeing the truth, following it out of the trap.

Time traveling Dean, I think it’ll turn out, is trying to fix what limbo Dean broke. Time traveling Dean will give the letter to John which sends him to Mary which leads them to the monster club which leads to the mothership events which, messy and heartbreaking and disappointing it sometimes was, there was also joy, it’s also all the things that made Dean DEAN and Dean is good with who he is, finally, all the way. And the rebar death being recontextualized. Because it’s not “bad things happen” that’s the problem narratively there. It’s because it was inadequate, poorly executed, incomplete. 15.20 diminished Dean, it didn’t explore him, his grief, his hurt, the things he needed to say, were not addressed, he only got to speak to Sam, and his speech to Sam was self-negating. He got pie in the face, he didn’t get the arc he needed. 
The story. Isn’t. Over.

Carlos’ disdain for the carnival stood out. Carlos is someone who (like Dean) knows to live in the moment and take joy where you can, but he’s not about running away from facing himself or his problems, and something about the artifice of carnival (which is part of their actual design, part of the fun) bothers him inherently.

Lata and John’s friendship — John doesn’t push her away when she asks how he is. Maybe because it’s a less fraught relationship than John and Mary’s, or Lata’s gentle way of dealing with people.

John gets to grow in this ep, again, he acknowledges himself and what he’s been doing, that’s good. That doesn’t mean everything’s great and he can’t fall the way he does. What it means is—see my point above—that he’s not going to completely lose himself to the point where it could result in even worse outcomes. TW isn’t the “better timeline.” It’s THE timeline. That capacity for self awareness, love, and growth matters, even if it’s not enough in John’s case.

Team Free Will broke the cycle, John can’t, maybe they have more capacity for self awareness, love, and growth than John does, but that doesn’t mean John has none.

And ROWENA!!!!!!!! Who is looking for her son.

Loving the witchy speakeasy and Rowena and Ada. I need many more eps of those two. The witches in the speakeasy didn’t appreciate Ada’s brand of magic, but Rowena does, and she is dangerous for Ada, but also sincerely appreciative and interested in Ada. It’s so so interesting.

Oh Ada. Don’t do it, don’t use the soul magic.

The costume and makeup department deserve awards for this ep.

[renoxvated]

Your head will collapse, and there's nothing in it, and you'll ask yourself;

Where is my MIND?

Way out in the water, see it swimmin’.

Roy & Autonomy; an old world blue/s retrospection.

Old World Blues is both incredibly funny for Roy in a lot of ways (IE; hitting on his fucking BRAIN like a MORON) , it's also EXTREMELY HORRIFYING for him in many others (IE; realizing his brain, spine and heart are out of his body). I think there's this sort of motif on if the crimes these scientists committed on innocent people and animals should leave them with a befitting punishment. When The Courier encounters them they're a fraction of themselves, lost to time and fractured memories, to be honest they're just really pathetic and sad in a lot of ways and I think at first Roy might even feel sort of bad for them despite the situation they've put him in. Like on a base level Roy would want to kill them all right off the bat, because yeah, they've taken away his own AUTONOMY,,, but he KNOWS enough to know that he needs them long enough to get his body parts back. So he helps them to help himself and in the process, I THINK he grows to somewhat understand and feel a sort of sympathy for them all. However that all quickly goes out the window the moment he actually sees their problems are of their own making, and understands that these scientists are awful, beyond saving, DANGEROUS people that have harmed so many innocent lives. Roy's biggest things are keeping the lil' guys safe, the innocent people just trying to live their lives, it's a constant feeling he always has across the board and a core thing about him. His secondary thing of importance to him is autonomy and the freedom of choice, something I believe I've touched on with the other retrospections. Honestly I think he could possibly have gotten over having his own autonomy taken away, he wouldn't of been happy about it but it's something he's used to and this is pre Dead Money for him,,, So when he feels a sort of sick sympathy for the Think Tank, I really think MAYBE he could forgive them once he got his body parts back...but things don't pan out that way, because The Courier instead travels The Big Empty and comes to understand the absolute horrors they've inflicted on not just HIM, but...the whole Mojave.... he is supposed to be it's protector and so many problems he's tried to protect his people from,,, come from these people. Not only that but the horror of the people trapped here for CENTURIES, in a preverbal purgatory. Roy eventually comes to meet Mobius and in the end he's the only scientist The Courier spares, partially for helping him and partially because I think in the same way that Mobius couldn't bring himself to kill his friends...Roy couldn't bring himself to kill Mobius. Roy kills the rest of them because they deserved it, I think that goes without question, even if they can't recall their crimes they still don't seem to have any remorse and it's obvious that without The Courier staying to control them they're a danger to the Mojave, not even accounting for what happens if their technology gets into the wrong hands. Which speaking of that I think being a House aligned Courier, Roy would actually come back to House with the information on this place after everything is said and done. I don't think he'd think that all the technology they'd created was BAD, and if anything I think The Courier would want some good to come from it, considering how many people and animals died for it. It's funny because I think this very same HUGE find of past technology is what bolsters Roy into going to the Madre without much thought,,, all these little roads leading back to each other make for such a good story and why I personally love the DLC's sm. In the end Roy leaves The Big Empty not as emptyhanded as one might think, he leaves with a new Cyber Dog (Roxie), A Nightstalker egg from Shadis, MUGGY (Roy fuckin loves this lil' dude thinks he's so funny and makes sure Yes-Man knows that he thinks he's SO SMART LMAO, Idk why Roy always has to bully poor Yes-Man, I just think it's funny as hell tbh, maybe I'll write about it sometime in depth) comes back to the Lucky 38 with him to keep all the dishes clean because Roy is messy as hell.

He doesn't leave with ANY augmentations, mostly because he doesn't trust them but honestly because while he's there it feels like NOT choosing getting any gives him back his humanity and more importantly his autonomy again. He doesn't want to become so far removed from what makes him HUMAN that he turns out like what became of the people here. The Courier also fixes a ton of the problems installing anything that needed to be to fix things, along with finishing all the tasks before he gets his body parts back with the help of Mobius. He visits all the locations in The Big Empty, leaving it much better off and freeing the people and animals from the things that bonded them in equal trauma there. I really like to think that when he gets back home he doesn't have as much time to dwell on the horrors that happened to him there, or the horrors he witnessed of other people. It's the usual he's just SO busy he doesn't have time to sit and cry, or be angry even at that point about everything that keeps happening to him. I also like to think that eventually he works out a deal with Mr. House and The Followers of the Apocalypse to oversee The Big Empty into a place that the good karma ending describes and is a benefit to Mr. House himself as well as the Mojave and New Vegas as a whole. As much as Roy doesn't understand science, nor does he want too, because it's only ever caused him trouble he'd say-- he understands that he isn't some hyper intelligent man either and he doesn't have all the answers. While he thinks science could use more humanity, so it doesn't turn out like The Think Tank, he also knows that if you give good honest people the tools to LEARN, that maybe something better can come from something he doesn't understand. So while there would always be old world BLUES, now there was new world HOPE too. Besides if the science there EVER went unchecked again,,, well The Mojave outside of The Big Empty belonged to the Courier, and if anyone would shape it... well, the Courier had already called dibs.