#Alina is grisha and on her way to being queen and she is likely going to be making some awful mistakes

[imruination]

via @alinamal

you guys insist mal is “better” on the show

im mad that they didn’t let him be angry and traumatized

we are not the same

[maimingaffairs]

Hiiii hope ur well

would u mind doing a darkling x moon summoner fix like she’s disguised as the queens gorgeous lady in waiting but she’s really the kings personal gaurd/assassin.

and aleksander finds out about her when she saves alina from the attack on the way to the little palace.

and of course u have free rein whether u want to continue this or have a jealous trope with Alina and I won’t shy away from smut lol (I’d love a scene where the moon summoner catches the contucdor at the winter fete and helps control his mind to get answers)

thank youuuu

SWEET ANON! i want to preface this with an apology, because it took me so long to write... and it is... a very long piece of writing. i hope it meets the mark though. it might be one of my personal faves that i've written. i love u <33

AS ALWAYS, PLEASE SEND IN REQUESTS <333333

warnings: canon typical violence, some angst

word count: 10.5k

The Dark Side of The Moon (aleksander morozova x fem! moon summoner! reader)

READ PART TWO HERE

He needed you.

No, he didn’t need you, he reasoned with himself. He just… really wanted you. 

His hands were still in position, but The Cut he intended to use was long forgotten and faded. You stood behind him and he gaped at you from over his shoulder. You looked as lovely as ever, but even more so now that power was thrumming just underneath your skin, so freshly used. 

The Fjerdan that had been a part of the ambush on the road back to Os Alta, lay over Alina with a smoking, gaping hole blown through his chest. 

The girl pushed the body off of her in a panicked manner, and you dashed past the Black General and grabbed onto both of her hands to pull her to her feet gently. 

“Breathe, breathe, Sankta Alina. You are safe.” You assured her and she stared up at you with wide eyes. 

“Who are you?” She asked, almost belligerently. 

You opened your mouth to answer her question and General Kirigan let out a low hum from behind the two of you. 

“Yes, Lady y/n. Who are you, indeed?” He asked, walking towards you as if you were simply his prey. 

He couldn’t help the glee that settled in his stomach when he looked at you and Alina. His Sun Summoner had finally been found. He could have gotten by with just her. And then there you were. 

His Moon Summoner of legend. No one knew for certain if there was to be a Moon Summoner one day or if it was just tales of a desperate man, but The Black Heretic knew for certain that now he was indefinitely unstoppable. 

“Are you insane, General Kirigan?” You asked angrily and he came back to the present moment to see that you’d wrapped your arms around Alina’s shoulders and pulled her against your chest while she let out sighs of distress.

You weren’t taller than the girl, if anything you were a few inches shorter, and this was an amusing sight for him to watch. You snapped a few times in his direction and you shook your head. 

“You could’ve gotten her killed! Why didn’t you ride off alone with her?” You demanded and then you let go of the girl and rubbed your forehead, “Saints, Kirigan. She’s the Sun Summoner.”

You and him had always gotten along nicely, truth be told. You posed as the Queen’s Lady in Waiting, and whenever there were large events that the General would attend, you two often had friendly conversations. But you weren’t really just the Queen’s Lady in Waiting. And The General knew this. You served as the King’s personal assassin. 

You’d never had to do much more than keep an eye on the man, thankfully, because in instances like that, you’d have to use your power. The power you tried to keep hidden. 

When The King had heard word of the Sun Summoner being brought to the Capital, he’d sent you off to make sure that she and the General and his Grisha made it home safely. 

He was right for that evidently. 

The General didn’t seem to like your outburst and he approached the two of you and he reached up to twist a bit of your hair around his finger curiously. Silver strands glowed in the aftermath of your vicious outburst of power and he dropped the piece of your hair.  

“Were you ever going to tell anyone that you are the Moon Summoner?” He asked slowly and you felt Alina’s eyes on your face. 

You glanced up at the girl in front of you and then over your shoulder at Kirigan and you shook your head. 

“No. Because I didn’t want to just be a saint. I’m much more than that, as you can see.” You said quietly and he hummed. 

“Indeed you are, Lady y/n.” He said lowly and then he nodded to Alina, “She rides with me. Did you ride here on a horse?” He asked. 

You gave him a nod and pointed at a white horse in the distance, speckled with grey. 

“Excuse me? Can someone please explain what’s going on here?” Alina asked desperately and the two of you turned to her. 

He beat you to answer her and he held his hand out for Alina, waiting for her to tentatively grab onto it. 

“I have found my two lovely Saints now.  All is right in the world.” He said with a grin and you felt a sense of unease in your stomach upon seeing his toothy grin. 

-

The ride back to Os Alta was mostly silent. You had gone off ahead of the two on your horse, determined to get to the Capital as quickly as you could so that you could hurry yourself up to the Queen and spend the rest of the day in hiding. You knew what would happen if you ever revealed yourself. You’d be thrown to the wolves. Everyone would know your name, everyone would want to use you. From a young age, you’d learned to keep your powers a secret, and to only practice them alone. 

As soon as your horse rode up onto the gravel path in front of the Little Palace, you jumped from your still moving horse and you gathered your cloak up and quickly ran towards the Grand Palace. You stumbled inside and slammed the doors behind you, despite guards trying to filter out to get outside to meet the General and the Sun Summoner. You pushed your way through a few guards until you got to the grand staircase and bustled up the marble stairs. 

Once in the hallway, you smoothed down your riding clothes and walked quietly towards the King’s study. You tapped the door before you opened it and you stood in the doorway, peering in at the King and Prince Vasily who sat inside. You bowed your head respectfully and cleared your throat.

“Your Grace, I’ve delivered them safely. There were Fjerdans, just as you predicted, my Prince.” You reported and the two men nodded their heads. 

“Thank you, My Lady. Please. Clean yourself up and return yourself to my mother’s side at once.” Vasily ordered and you didn’t protest. 

Within the hour you’d gotten yourself thoroughly cleaned up and dressed with the help of a few servants, and you faithfully returned to your Queen’s side. 

You didn’t mind the Queen. Not at all, really. She was a bit of an airhead and as vain as can be, but you much preferred her company to her husband’s or even Vasily. You didn’t even mind Nikolai, though you hadn’t seen the boy in many, many years. 

You sat in silence next to the Queen for most of the afternoon as she had tea and read through her books, and you felt relieved to be away from the Grisha. Away from Alina Starkov. Away from General Kirigan. 

Just as the thought of all three had slipped your mind, The General begged for your attention once more and you and the Queen both turned your head to the doorway of the Library to see Kirigan standing there. He bowed his head respectfully to the queen and he bent his knee ever so slightly. 

“My Queen. May I steal your lovely Lady away for just a moment or two?” He asked, and the Queen raised an eyebrow.  

“Why? What business do you have with her?” She asked and you wanted to swear under your breath. He was going to tell her, surely. 

The reveal didn’t come, and instead, he gave a simple excuse. 

“I think Miss Starkov needs someone kind and.. well… perhaps non Grisha to speak to. This new life must be hard for her and it’s even harder when there’s only reminders trying to soothe you.” He explained calmly, but you could see the way his fingers fidgeted behind his back from how his forearms flexed underneath his kefta. 

“I suppose. Have her back by the time we finish dinner please.” She requested and the General nodded once and held his hand out for you. 

“After you, Lady y/n.” He said primly. 

You looked down at the Queen miserably and stood up. You held the skirts of your dress up off of the ground as you strode towards Kirigan, and you politely took his arm. 

He led you away from the library, and as soon as you were out of earshot of the Queen, he cleared his throat. 

“So. I believe a discussion is in order about your… abilities.” He said slowly and you shook your head. 

“No. I don’t want to talk about them. I want you to forget about them. Please. They’re mine and mine alone.” You said softly. 

Kirigan placed a hand at the small of your back and he very gently nudged you towards the doors that would take you outside to the Little Palace. 

“You are a gift to this world, y/n. Why hide it? You, Alina, and I could accomplish so much. We could tear down the fold, we could further expand it, we could bring the sun and the moon down to touch the earth. Yet you deny Ravka of these wonders. Why?” He asked and stepped outside with you. He carefully guided you down a small set of stairs and you shrugged. 

“I don’t know,” you said cautiously. Or perhaps it was fearfully. You weren’t sure. 

“Well, you’d be doing a great service to this great country by embracing who you are meant to be… what was it you called Alina? Ah yes. Sankta y/n.” He finished and you shuddered at the sound of it. 

There was power dripping from the title he gave you and you would be lying if you said it didn’t appeal to you somewhat. But you quickly shook the thought away from your head and instead decided to become fascinated with a fraying bit of lace on the bodice of your dress. 

“I don’t know, General.” You finally replied as the two of you walked into the Little Palace. 

“You’re destined for great things, my Moonbeam.” He said softly and then took one of your hands in his, stopping you in the middle of an empty hallway, “You don’t have to agree, but I would encourage you to accept your Grisha side and come here to train with Alina. We three are destined for something ethereal.” He said gently and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.  

Little butterflies erupted in your stomach and your mouth was suddenly dry. 

“I’ll think about it.” You whispered, and he brushed a thumb over your cheek as he pulled his hand away from your hair 

“Good girl. I know you’ll make the right decision.

-

Whether it was the right decision or not, you did in fact choose to join Kirigan. When you told him, he was elated. In his own way. His dark eyes gleamed proudly and he had taken you by the hand and promised you greatness, and truthfully, you believed he’d deliver. 

But training was simply kicking your ass.

You knew how to handle your powers, that wasn’t hard. But to advance them and use them in ways you’d never even imagined? That was hard. 

Typically, you’d spend most of your time around Kirigan as he insisted that he was best to train you, but sometimes you were stuck going down to the training yard or to Baghra. 

Baghra was a woman full of disdain and had a certain distaste for you, it seemed. Sometimes it was as if she was trying to scare you away from your training entirely. 

Like right now, for instance. 

You sat with your legs crossed in a shabby little wooden chair while the old woman paced the room in silence. You wanted to ask her what she was pacing for, but you didn’t want to face her wrath. So you instead watched her go back and forth, like a slow, unsteady pendulum. 

Finally her eyes met yours and she stopped moving, her thin lips becoming even thinner as she pursed them together. 

“I’m no longer sure what to do with you, admittedly.” She said, her words slow and well thought upon. 

You arched an eyebrow curiously and she only shrugged and sat across from you, folding her bony hands properly across her lap. 

“You know what you’re doing. That’s more than Alina can say. But you aren’t great. You won’t hardly be successful or powerful. Do you know why?” 

You didn’t verbally ask her to tell you why. You only leaned forward a bit and held your hands out questioningly. 

She tutted at you and then she leaned back a bit in her chair.

“You’re doing this for all the wrong reasons, so when you’re faced with the reality of the situation, you are no longer motivated to use your power accordingly. I think that would have a lot to do with The General, wouldn’t you think so?” She asked, almost accusingly. 

“The finger pointing is a bit juvenile, isn’t it, Baghra?” You asked in a flat tone, “If you have an accusation to make, best be direct.”

It was her turn to cock an eyebrow now and she let out a little scoff. 

“Alright then, little girl, let me be frank. You are doing this because of your attraction to the General. Not because you want to tear down The Fold. Alina may not be good with her power yet, but make no mistake; she wants only to liberate this country. What do you want? A moment of approval from a man? A pat on the head like a kitten?” 

You slowly rose from the chair and you towered over the woman, shaking your head, your jaw setting tersely. 

“Preposterous. You cannot possibly fathom why I am doing this.”

“Correct, girl. I cannot fathom what motivates you. I never claimed to. All I claimed to know is what you’re doing it for. Tell me this: do you believe that this will bring you the affection you crave?” 

You stared her down incredulously before you shook your head.

“This is absurd. I am leaving.” You snapped and turned sharply. 

You stormed towards the door, your fingertips vibrating just slightly, and when you looked down, silvery light made your skin light up ever so slightly. You grit your teeth and pushed open her door and walked out, making sure to slam it behind you. 

You didn’t crave his affection. You didn’t want a pat on the head.

You walked off up to the courtyard, lost in angry thought. 

Come to think of it though, The Fold had hardly crossed your mind during the weeks of training you’d been subjected to. Kirigan never spoke of it when you two were together. Most of the time you’d spent with him was just… casual conversation between two friends. Sometimes he’d give you his hand and allow you to mess around with your power with the aid of his amplification. 

But otherwise, it wasn’t much else more. 

You slowed your steps until you were stopped entirely near the doors to the Little Palace and you blinked a few times. 

There was no way that Baghra was right. But she wasn’t really wrong, either. 

Why were you doing this? 

That was the question that kept you up that night. 

-

You laid in your bed across the hall from the Queen’s room and you tossed and turned for the whole two hours you were laying down. 

Your mind raced relentlessly, replaying what Baghra had earlier said, her words echoing like church bells in your head. 

You groaned frustratedly and you pushed yourself up out of bed and reached out in the dim light of the moon to grab onto your robe that hung from one of the posts on your bed. You tossed it around your shoulders and slid your arms into the thin sleeves and tied it up tightly. You moved your hair over one shoulder and slid on a pair of flat, slipper-like shoes, and you rushed out of your bedroom. 

You’d go wake Alina. That’s what you’d do. Talk to her about this entire thing, hear what she would have to say about it. You sighed quietly and walked down through the winding halls of the Grand Palace until you reached the double doors that led out to the Little Palace. You padded out over the grounds and you glanced around cautiously, chewing on your bottom lip. 

When you finally got inside of the Little Palace, you walked determinedly down the hallway towards Alina’s room before you stopped at a crossroads. There was hardly any light in the halls at this time of the night, yet down the hallway that held Kirigan’s room, there was a sliver of light under his door. You glanced back at the hallway that would take you to Alina and you thought for a moment before you turned and walked hurriedly through a hallway. 

You didn’t even think or have half the mind to knock before you pushed open the doors to General Kirigan’s room. 

If the much taller man was surprised to see you intruding in his room, he didn’t make any indication of such a feeling. Instead, he just eyed you from his position, bent over his war table. You took a step inside his room and closed the doors behind you, letting out a long sigh. 

“Do you do this often to The Royal Family? Or are unannounced intrusions reserved for me?” He asked and then looked back down at his table. 

When you didn’t answer, he flickered his dark eyes back up to you and looked you up and down a few times, and suddenly you felt very naked underneath his gaze, despite being clothed.  

“I just… I…” you trailed off and suddenly felt very foolish to barge into his personal chambers without so much as a knock and you looked down at the ground. 

“You just what?” He demanded, but his tone wasn’t harsh. Only curious. 

“I couldn’t sleep. I don’t know. I intended on rousing Alina but I don’t know what happened. I just… found myself here.” You answered, your cheeks heating up in embarrassment. 

He continued to stare at you for a while and then he shook his head once, reaching out to beckon you forward.

“Well. Are you going to stand by the doors for the remainder of the night? Come join me over here.” He suggested and you slowly made your way across the floor to him. 

You felt a pang of nervousness in your chest. A new feeling around him. Usually you felt much more at ease around The Darkling, but now you just felt so small. 

You finally rounded the table to stand at his side, and you met his eyes which had followed you from the door to his side. 

“Would you like me to make you some tea?” He asked and reached out to twist a piece of your hair around his finger, a habit that he had made within the last few weeks. 

“No, I don’t think that would help much. But thank you.”

He looked down at you and he let out a sigh, “I am not sure why you came to me, then. I cannot lull you to sleep, my sweet moonbeam.” 

His words sent you fumbling for your own and you blinked a few times. You only shrugged in lieu of speaking and looked down at his war table. 

You watched him lift his arm out of your periphery and nearly jumped when you felt his hand gently touch the side of your face. He carefully turned your face towards his and he cradled your face against his palm. His touch was gentle, and you wondered if he’d ever been this delicate with anything in his life before. 

“Would you like that? Is that why you came to me? Did you want me to lull you to sleep? Soothe all your worries away?” He asked slowly. 

Though his words could easily have been mocking, his tone was light and kind and full of something you placed between want and concern. 

“I don’t know.” You whispered and nuzzled your cheek into the palm of his hand. 

He clicked his tongue against the top of his mouth, “That isn’t really an answer.” He commented. 

You knew it wasn’t. And you knew he was far too sharp to think otherwise. You couldn’t fool him, and you knew that. He could read you like an open book, he always could, even when you two were simple acquaintances. But you couldn’t really call yourselves acquaintances now. Could you even say friends? 

He trained you often, and much of your time was spent with the General, much more than with the Queen these days. He knew so much about you. Some from being told by you, some from guessing and confirmation from you, but mostly what he knew about you went unspoken. He knew you were lonely, he didn’t need to ask you that. He’d deduced it quickly after your time spent with him. 

You only kept your eyes on his nose and his thumb idly brushed back and forth against the side of your cheekbone, the contact making your skin tingle underneath his touch. 

You finally closed your eyes and focused on the faint sweeping noises the pad of his thumb made across your skin and a little sigh escaped your lips pleasantly. 

“What keeps you awake?” He asked very quietly, and you let out an equally quiet hum. 

“Many things. Perhaps I just don’t belong here. I lack purpose. I’m better off how I was before.”

His fingers curled around the back of your head and he pulled you a little bit closer to him. 

“You lack no such thing.” He protested. 

“Then what is my purpose? To help you tear down The Fold with Alina? To become a living Saint? I don’t want that. I don’t want to become a bedtime story. I was meant for more. I was meant for the things they leave out of bedtime stories.” You whispered and you could’ve sworn you heard his breath hitch. 

“Your purpose does not align with the Sun Summoner’s. Indeed you are correct. You were meant for more. She walks in the light. She walks with the light. You wait in the dark, you strike from the darkness where no one watches. You and I are more alike than you could ever imagine.” He said just above a whisper, but the quietness of his voice did nothing to conceal the intensity of which he spoke with. 

“I don’t know what I am.” You breathed and opened your eyes only to find his just inches away from yours. 

“You are the silver flicker of light in the dark and then you are the darkness.” He answered earnestly. 

You closed your eyes again, and as soon as you did, you were swept forward into his arms. He pulled your head against the center of his chest and wrapped his other arm around your middle. There was something oddly protective about his embrace and he ran his fingers through the hair at the back of your head. 

“Let me lull you to sleep, little one. You need a reprieve from your mind.” He insisted. 

You gave him a permissive nod against his chest and he very slowly walked you away from the table and he sunk down into an armchair. He pulled you down onto his lap and he lifted your legs up over the side of the chair. You curled your head against his chest much like a cat and you wrapped your arms loosely around his neck, your legs dangling over the side of the chair. 

You took in his scent as you buried your face against his clothes and were comforted to find that he smelled of leather and something of embers, and then something sweet yet faint that you couldn’t place. 

You opened your eyes when he grabbed one of your arms away from his neck and laid it against your chest before he reached up with the same hand and traced his fingertips against your skin, and a warm feeling washed over you. Everywhere his fingers touched, a silvery blue trail of light followed underneath your skin. 

“Sleep, little one.” He cooed and you closed your eyes again, obeying him. 

The last thing you remembered before sleep overcame you was his voice above your head, muttering what you recognized as sweet nothings in his native Ravkan tongue. 

He had indeed lulled you right to sleep. 

-

In the days after you had fallen asleep on him, The General had been very insistent that you were with him for the majority of your day. He claimed your skill set was of use to him, and truthfully, he was right. Even before you were his Moon Summoner, you were the King’s assassin, and you didn’t need your power for the things you’d accomplished there. 

Around his entourage and Corporalki, you were treated as if you were his most esteemed soldier. But behind closed doors and away from prying eyes, his intense and hard demeanor was gone and he was softer with you, kinder. He always had been kind to you, but this was different. It was a different type of kindness. 

The morning after you had fallen asleep on him, you awoke in his bed, the black sheets tucked around you with care. He hadn’t been in the bed next to you, but you hadn’t expected that of him. He was an early riser. 

You wondered if he had slept next to you at any point during the night. You couldn’t remember. In fact, you didn’t even remember him moving you to his bed. You wanted to ask him if he had, but it seemed listless. Even if he had, it hadn’t mattered. Or did it? Sharing a bed was typically something you only did with someone you trusted, and Kirigan didn’t seem like someone who’d just open his bed up to anyone. 

It was the best sleep you’d had in quite a long time, that was for certain. 

It was just past noon when you finally emerged from The Grand Palace and made your way to The Little Palace. You had pulled your hair up into an intricate braid and you fiddled with the ends of it as you walked. Once inside, you spotted Alina walking down the hall and you hurried up to her and gently grabbed her arm and gave her a little smile. 

She didn’t return the smile, instead she looked anxious and unhappy. You pulled her off to the side and stopped walking, eyeing her with concern. 

“Has something happened?” You asked and she sighed, a long sigh that had sounded like it had been pent up for a long time. 

“I’ve been informed I’m to showcase my… powers in front of everyone during The Winter Fete.” She said anxiously. 

You raised an eyebrow and then shook your head a few times, “Who told you this?” You asked, feeling a bit of frustration. If Alina was to showcase her talents, then surely you’d be asked to as well, and that was specifically not something you wanted to do. 

“Kirigan. David, too. Genya. All of them. I don’t want to be presented like a show pony.” She stated and then you sympathetically patted her arm. 

“I understand. No one does.” You agreed and she let out a short laugh and pulled her arm away from your gentle grasp. 

“Well. Why don’t you work your magic and tell Aleksander to call it off.” She suggested. 

You blinked in confusion and then you tipped your head to the side. 

“Aleksander? I’m afraid I don’t know an Aleksander.” You replied, eyes searching her face. 

“Kirigan. It’s his name. Aleksander. Did he not tell you?” She asked you as if it was one of the most common things to have known. 

“No?” 

Ouch.

In all the time you’d spent with The General getting closer to him, he’d never once told you his first name. He didn’t talk much about himself, and when he did it was vague, ambiguous. Everything about himself was left up to interpretation. 

He liked it that way, you noticed. It left more room for mystery. It kept anyone from crossing the brooding man, because simply no one knew definitely just who he was or just how ruthless or constrained he could be. 

“Oh. Well then perhaps don’t mention you heard it from me. I’ve got to get down to Baghra. Please just… do what you are able to about this situation. I am not ready to be a spectacle in front of Ravka.” She pleaded and then walked off. 

You stood against the wall for a moment, listening to her footsteps echo until they were gone entirely. An eclectic range of frustrations began to make your fingertips tingle and you pushed away from the wall. You walked with intent to The General’s room, your brow knitting together in annoyance. 

His door was the only thing that made you come to a stop and before you could decide against it, you pushed it open and stepped inside of his room. 

He didn’t have to look up to know who it was. You were the only one that dared come unannounced, after all. 

He sat at his desk on the far end of the room with a thin parchment letter in his hand and he didn’t tear his dark gaze off of the paper as he held his hand out in your direction. He outstretched his pointer and middle fingers and curled them in the air at you in a ‘come here’ motion and you did. 

You stomped petulantly towards his desk and you laid your hand down firmly on the desktop with a quiet thump. 

Now, you had his full attention. He lifted his inky eyes towards you slowly and he took in your appearance before he slowly laid the letter down. 

“You are upset.” He observed and you simply scoffed and folded your arms across your chest.

“What gave it away?” 

“Perhaps the stomping like a child. Or maybe it’s the fact that you can’t hide your emotions on your face. Do you intend on telling me why you’re cross? Or did you have another reason for this visit?” He asked and leaned backwards in his chair casually. 

“I don’t know, Aleksander. Maybe I just wanted to come in here and pout.” You snapped. 

Now it was his turn to fold his arms across his chest and he looked up at you with amusement, the same kind of amusement a parent would watch a fractious child with. 

“Ah, you’ve been speaking with Miss Starkov, it seems.” 

You stared at him in disbelief. That was it? That was all he had to say? You nearly stomped your foot down on the hard floor but refrained, not wanting his amusement to grow. 

“Why wouldn’t you have told me your name as well?” You asked, and you hadn’t realized how stupid you sounded until just now, but you had no intention of backing down at this point. 

“Would that have pleased you, lapushka?” He asked with a little grin and you snorted, turning your head away from him. 

“I don’t care. It’s your name. You do what you want with it. I just figured perhaps we were closer than that.”

“Why do you figure that? Because you fell asleep in my arms like a little kitten? Or because you woke in my bed?”

You felt your heart drop to your stomach and you turned towards him, a frown covering your lips. You didn’t answer him, you simply stared disdainfully into his caliginous eyes. His words had hit you like a slap across the face, so real that you almost wanted to hold your cheek. 

“Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t say you were unjust in feeling that way. I just asked if that was your reasoning to figure we were close.” He replied once he realized you weren’t going to speak. He clicked his tongue and rose up from his chair and stalked towards you, reaching out with a hand to grab your chin. 

“My ambiguity is one of my greatest layers of armor.” He started. 

But you cut him off. 

“Right. But you’ll tell the first pretty girl that catches your eye your name and give up that ambiguity. Very selective of you.” 

He unfurled his finger from his grip on your chin and he tapped your lips to silence you. 

“Sometimes, to soften someone to your liking, you must strip away a piece of your armor. Miss Starkov is apprehensive at best regarding her situation. You require no such softening.” He explained and you took notice of the fact that he hadn’t bothered to move his finger away from your lips. 

“You trust me, and for that I am lucky and I am grateful. I needn’t reveal bits of myself to you just to make you trust in me. You simply just do. Little Moon Saint, I don’t need to take off my armors around you. You take them off for me whenever we are alone, whether you realize it or not.”

You shook your head just slightly and gazed up at him, warmth gathering under his touch on your face. 

“I know hardly anything about you.” You whispered, “How can I be removing your armor when I know nothing about you still?”

He shushed you and he leaned closer to your face, to where you could feel the air coming softly from his nose and you closed your eyes for a brief second before opening them again. 

“Most things about me go unspoken. I like it that way. You don’t need to know my history to know me. You don’t need me to beg you to trust me. You don’t question the deaths caused by my hands, and you know very well I don’t question the lives taken by yours. I told you. We are more alike than you could ever imagine.” He explained, his voice lowering, almost in reverence now, “Everything inside of me wants for you.” 

This, you weren’t expecting. 

And if that was a surprise to hear, it was even more of a surprise to feel his lips crash down against your own. 

-

The day of The Winter Fete came quickly. Thankfully, Aleksander had shared your sentiments in not wanting to have you display your power for the party. In fact, he was quite adamant on you being a secret kept from the rest of the world away from the palaces. You were thankful for that. 

You’d practically been inseparable from him in the weeks since he’d kissed you. He’d kissed you a handful of times in the time since then, too. Somewhere in the realm of the things that went unspoken but were simply known between the two of you, it had become evident that there were strong feelings between both of you. 

You hardly shied away from those feelings. If anything you were diving headfirst into them, which it seemed he was doing the same, because he’d insisted a handful of times in the last few weeks that you stay and sleep with him in his room. 

You liked to think that you cured his loneliness in the same way he had cured yours but you hadn’t had any confirmation on your daydream. 

So, there you sat, perched upon his desk while he nimbly unboxed a long, black gown for you. He held it up for you to see and you hummed approvingly. It was black with threads of dark blue and silver embroidered onto it in swirls and star like patterns. You smiled up at him and raised an eyebrow at him. 

“What? No kefta for me? Do you think me to be delicate?” You teased and Aleksander let out a slow laugh before he laid the dress down on his bed and walked to you. He gently pulled you off of the desk and turned you around. He undid the buttons on the back of the current dress you wore and he tapped the back of your neck. 

“You are anything but delicate. Trust me. As much as I’d like to see you in a kefta, this isn’t the time for you to be revealed. You must keep up appearances, Lady y/n.” He explained and moved back only a step once your dress was undone. 

You blushed a bit and held the loose dress up to your chest, hesitating to take off your dress in front of him. 

Aleksander sensed this and he placed his hands gently on your elbows, “Would you like me to give you the room so that you can change in privacy?” He asked kindly, brushing his thumbs against your elbows. 

You shook your head. It’s not like you really minded, but you still had a set of nerves at the thought of undressing in front of the man you adored. 

You let out a very quiet, shaky breath and you let the dress fall away from your shoulders and you slowly stepped out of it, leaving you in only your underwear before him. You didn’t dare turn around, for if you did, Aleksander would’ve seen the horrific blush that covered your cheeks now. 

His hands found yours as they lay at your sides and he gently interlocked your fingers before he leaned forward and pressed a gossamer light kiss against the nape of your neck. You shivered under his lips and you could feel them curl into a smug smile against your skin. 

“I didn’t take you for the shy type, little one.” He murmured and very slowly lifted his lips away from your neck. 

You didn’t respond to him, you simply gave his hands a light squeeze, but much to your dismay, he pulled away and you heard him walk away from you. There was a swish of fabric behind you and then he was back, gently placing a hand on your waist to move you towards him a bit. He didn’t turn you around, and you were thankful for that.

Instead, he reached around you and held your dress in front of you for you to step into it. You were used to being dressed, it was common practice for you and had been for years because of your place at court. But this felt different, and though he was dressing you, you couldn’t help but feel as if Aleksander was at the core of it all, stripping you completely naked. There was a different kind of vulnerability to letting him dress you. 

You stepped into the dress and he slowly pulled it up over your hips and you slipped your arms into the sleeves and he lifted the bodice of the dress up over your shoulders completely and pulled it taut before he began to button up the long row of buttons at your back. After the last button was done up, he tied the ribbon at your waist tightly and then he encircled you in his arms from behind, tugging you backwards until you were pulled flush against his chest. 

“I wish desperately that I could parade you on my arm all night. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a color look so lovely on anyone.” He whispered, resting his chin down against your shoulder. 

You leaned the side of your head against his and you placed your hands down on top of his wrists. 

“And I wish that you could kiss me breathless in a room, far away from the party, but alas, it seems we have duties to attend to.”

“Such a shame, isn’t it?” He asked playfully and with a hint of reluctance, pulled away from you. 

You finally willed yourself to turn around and face him. 

A look of reverence crossed his face and he reached out to cup the side of your face in one hand. The look in his lightless eyes was unreadable, but you got the sense his stare was altogether pleasant. 

“Tell me something.” He murmured and reached out to brush the pad of his thumb across your bottom lip. 

“Hmm?”

“Do you trust me?” He asked, though you felt like he was asking something entirely different. The look in his eye told you that he didn’t want to know if you found him to be trustworthy. His words unspoken were louder than the ones he’d verbalized. 

No, he meant to ask ‘do you trust me with your heart?’

You searched his face for a long moment before you finally nodded once and you watched as a flicker of relief splashed across his face, and for a second, you swore his eyes sparkled with tears that had been long since blinked away. 

He leaned in to kiss your forehead once and he dropped his hand away from your face and walked to the wardrobe next to his bed. He pulled on the rest of his clothing, save for his kefta, and you sunk down on a little sofa next to his bed, pulling your legs up underneath you as you watched him. 

He adjusted the collar of his shirt and as he did, the sound of footsteps distracted you from watching the man get ready. 

“Ivan. My kefta.” He called out, but once you looked past him, you could see that Ivan was not in the room. Only Alina. 

She took his heavy kefta off of his war table and approached him with hesitancy, not saying a word. 

When he turned around, his face changed in surprise and he shook his head once. 

“You’re not Ivan.” He remarked. 

Alina looked down at the kefta in her arms and shifted a bit. 

“Sorry to disappoint.” 

“Do I sense a little disdain for my Heartrender?” Aleksander asked, clearly amused now. 

You lifted your hand up to rest against the side of the sofa and moved close to the edge, perching yourself to stand. 

“You know, once you get to know him, he’s actually quite funny.” He added and you very slowly rose to your feet, your dress swishing. 

It didn’t rouse either of their attentions. 

“I bet you find volcra hilarious.” Alina quipped, eyes transfixed intently on Aleksander. 

He gave her a smile and she nodded to the kefta in her arms. 

“May I?” She asked, unfolding the thick garment. 

“Thank you.” He replied and turned around, allowing the Sun Summoner to slide the kefta around his shoulders. 

You eyed them warily and stayed silent, your teeth searching for a bit of your cheek you could bite down on. 

“I hear you were able to focus and split light without the gloves.” He spoke, eyeing you as he got his kefta on with her help. 

“I appreciate the gesture, though.” She responded, and you pressed your lips together. 

You stepped in front of Aleksander and pulled the lapels of his kefta forward to adjust the coat, your brow furrowing only slightly. You didn’t miss the amused smile that made the corners of his lips curl upwards before he turned back towards Alina.

“Well, they were only a safeguard, really. In case of nerves.” He informed her, and you watched as the girl leaned slightly closer to Aleksander. 

Half of you had made peace with the fact that you and Aleksander didn’t make it incredibly public knowledge that you… were together? Was that even the right way to describe your situation? You didn’t know how to answer that. Yet, the other half of you, despite clarification on where you stood with him, wanted to pull him backwards and stand between the two of them. You almost gagged in spite of yourself. Or maybe it was in spite of them.

“I imagine there are few gatherings in Keramzin that involve such… spectacle.” He commented down at her and you wanted to speak up. Make them aware that you were still in the room. 

No. Don’t. You told yourself. 

“None, in fact.” Alina answered. 

She peered over his shoulder and caught your eyes. You weren’t sure of what your face looked like, but she widened her eyes and quickly moved away from him.

“But I’m actually not that nervous! I may have considered throwing myself down the stairs to get out of it once or twice.”  She left his bed chambers and much to your antipathy, he followed her. 

You stood back for a moment as they continued to chat before you gathered the skirts of your dress and walked through the doorway of his bed chambers and brushed past the two of them, squaring your shoulders as you passed by. You slipped out of the room with a sigh of annoyance and you walked down the hallway. You listened to the taps of your boots against the marble floors and you puffed out your cheeks. 

Jealousy wasn’t something that came naturally or easily to you. You’d always been sure of yourself, aware that you were likely the prettiest face in the room, confident in your abilities and powers. You were almost sick to admit that perhaps you were jealous of Alina. 

She got to be by his side tonight. She got to wear a kefta just like him. She got to be shown off to the rest of the world as Ravka’s saving grace. 

You didn’t want that for yourself. Not really. But you didn’t want it for her, either, selfishly. 

Did you even have a right to feel jealous? It’s not like Aleksander had explicitly said that you were his and he was yours. You felt fair in assuming such, but then again, you’d always been a little too sure of yourself. 

You simply shook the thought away and headed off to report to the Queen. 

-

“Oh, it’s nothing, moya tsaritsa. Only a little headache. I’ll be off to find a healer and back to the party before you know it.” 

Lie. 

You felt bad lying to the Queen as you rose from your seat next to her and scurried out of the room. You’d made yourself scarce all day, with the exception of being with the Queen, and you planned on keeping the pattern. 

You just didn’t want to watch Aleksander and Alina. 

You walked out to the courtyard and weaved around horses and guests until you were on the outskirts of the palace grounds. You were thankful that you could finally breathe without sharing the breath with someone else in your proximity. The cool evening’s air swirled around what skin of yours was exposed and it chilled your cheeks, tinting them pink. You flexed your fingers a bit and tapped imaginary points in the air at your sides, little fissures of silvery light appearing underneath your fingertips. 

You tried your best to be apathetic about everything that you’d felt during the day, and you kept walking, approaching a thick bramble of trees.

A loud scream escaped your lips when you felt a cold hand clasp around your wrist and you yanked your wrist back, stumbling backwards on the uneven path. You fell back and caught yourself on your elbows, preparing your hands to summon the moon. Your eyes settled upon a head of white hair and you furiously widened your eyes.

“Baghra!” You yelled and looked down at your dress. It was dusty from the dirt and you could feel a little tear in your sleeve, just above your elbow, “What is the meaning of this?” You asked angrily. 

You climbed to your feet and stared down at the old woman, your lips tugging downwards in a heavy frown. 

“Don’t look at me like that, girl. You need to get away from here as quickly as you can.” She stated venomously and you gaped at her. You shook your head with a dry laugh and you went to speak but she cut you off instantly. 

“You are being used, you stupid girl. Aleksander. He is using you. Just the same way he is using the sun girl. I am warning you, y/n, please. You must go. I will tell her the same thing but hear me now-“

“What are you going on about?” You asked snappily, your eyes narrowing on her. 

“You and Alina Starkov are but pawns in Aleksander’s game. He does not mean to liberate Ravka from The Fold. He does not mean to create heroes out of the three of you. Has he promised you otherwise?” 

“No. He hardly speaks of The Fold to me.” You replied defensively. Your hand formed fists at your side and you could feel your fingers begin to thrum with the electric feeling of the moon pooling within them. 

“No? Perhaps he’s just too busy distracting you with sweet words and little touches? Keeping you from your lessons, insisting you don’t need them, only to drown you with his attention. Making you feel special and perhaps even loved?”

You didn’t respond, and your silence became her indication to keep speaking. 

“Trust me, stupid girl. He’s making Alina feel the same exact way.” She finished and then she shook her head, “Do what you will, Lady y/n. You’ve always known this to be your home. I understand it must be hard to fathom leaving, but if you want to live free of chains, you’ll go. I’ve arranged safe passage out of Os Alta tonight. If you wish to join Alina, then you’ll meet her and I down the hill behind The Grand Palace. Half past midnight.” 

You stared at her in disbelief and you wanted to argue, but she had already turned and retreated back into the trees, and you swore that you watched shadows engulf her.   

-

You were only human at your very core. 

That’s what you kept telling yourself as you cried into your hands on your balcony. Only human at your very core… right?

Who knew if Baghra was right? At least about Aleksander’s intentions. This isn’t what bothered you. 

“He’s making Alina feel the same exact way.” Her words echoed in your head and only made you cry harder, and you let out a frustrated groan and you hit the side of your head with the heel of your hand, as if the impact would knock the thought right out of your mind. 

It would explain her behavior earlier that day. It would easily explain how she, too, knew his name- and before you. It explained the way she gazed up at him; dreamily, as if she’d fallen head over heels already. 

You weren’t going to leave Os Alta, that was for certain. You couldn’t. You adored your Queen and you hadn’t known a life outside of the Ravkan Capital. You’d just learn to avoid Aleksander. Perhaps that was a good thing. It would cease your distractions from the Queen and King. 

“I’ve never seen you cry before. I don’t like it.” 

You jumped at the sound of Aleksander’s voice behind you and you wrapped your arms around yourself and you shook your head. 

“Go away please.” You whispered. 

You didn’t really want him to go away. Not deep down, at least. He probably knew that, too. He knew you better than anyone.

Hands gently grabbed your arms and coaxed you away from the iron railing of your balcony and you were being turned around before you could protest it. You didn’t meet his eyes when you were moved to face him. 

“I have been made aware that Baghra sought you out. I don’t know what was said, but I’m sure I can only assume it had something to do with planting doubt in your mind based on the way she was sure you’d have run far away from here by now. But you aren’t a runner. I know that.”

His words made more tears spill over your cheeks and you still refused to look at him until he tapped underneath your chin and tilted your head backwards slightly. 

“I care not about your intentions with The Fold, Aleksander. I said I trusted you and I meant it. Perhaps that’s where I went wrong though. Because I do care that you were stringing me along at the same time as Alina. If you needed something of me, it would’ve been best to lay it out on the table. Not bury me in your sweet kisses and words until I was nothing but a mindless slave with no questions for you.” 

“Is that what you believe you are to be to me? A mindless slave?” He asked and you simply shrugged. 

You expected an angry outburst, you expected him to chastise you loudly, but it never came. Instead, he took your face in his hands and he swiped his thumbs underneath your wet eyes to rid you of the tears on your cheeks. 

“You are strong and you are intelligent. No one could make a mindless slave out of you. Not even I. My kisses and gentle words are reserved for you and you alone. Not Alina. Never Alina. You, however. Oh, how do I begin? Ever since I watched you kill that Fjerdan, I knew that I had to have you by my side. One way or another. Though, as a lover was preferable.

You are disarming in the most wonderful way, and though you may not know all of my secrets yet, you have already released them from their chambers. I’m tempted to call you a thief with the way you’ve stolen my heart away, but if I’m to be honest with you, y/n, I’d be lying if I said I didn't hand it to you willingly.” He murmured earnestly. His eyes shone with his own tears, and though they never fell, the message was still there. 

You fell forward over his chest and laid your head on the center of it and his arms weaved around you protectively. Defensively. Adoringly. 

He showered kisses atop your head and you two stood in silence for a very long time like that. 

Perhaps you’d be burned for trusting him this way. In every way. Perhaps you wouldn’t. Only time would tell. But in that moment, all that mattered was that he was there. Questions about Baghra’s words could wait. They weren’t meant to be spoken now. No words were meant to be spoken now. 

Until he did finally speak. 

“My love, I do hate to ruin such tender moments,  but I’m in desperate need of your help. There will be plenty of time for me to make up for every single tear spilled from your pretty eyes this evening, and that I promise you. However, your skill set is needed.” He said softly, his tone apologetic. 

You stayed against his chest for a while longer and then finally nodded, “Of course. Whatever you need, Aleksander.”

-

You walked hand in hand with The Darkling down the candlelit hallway, deep within the Palace, and you two were accompanied by one of his Squallers, Zoya. 

Aleksander had filled you in quickly. Alina had been kidnapped and there had been an attempt on her life. You couldn’t help but feel relieved that you hadn’t been the one on his arm all night now. They now held a man associated with the crime deep underneath the Palace, and they needed him to talk. 

That’s where you came in. 

“Has he talked?” He asked, his hand tightening around yours in a manner you could only imagine was protective.  

“A lot of lies,” Zoya answered, “Ivan’s with him.” 

You entered the room with him and Zoya and your eyes fell upon Ivan’s intimidating figure standing tall behind a small, pudgy man who was bound to a chair. 

“I’ve been swindled,” The man said simply, desperation twinging his words, “hoodwinked.”

Aleksander didn’t seem to care and he squeezed your hand once more. 

“My guards tell me that they caught you fleeing the scene of the crime.” He spoke. 

You rolled your shoulders back and stood tall, carefully releasing your hand. If you were to get answers out of this man, he had to fear you. You didn’t much command fear while clutching your General’s hand. 

“Yes. I followed them.” The man insisted. 

“Followed whom?” Aleksander prompted, lifting his head curiously. 

“They come from the other side of The Fold. From the start, they seemed, just, a bit off to me, so when they left our stage, at the fete, I followed them. To see what they were up to, and at the time that I walked into that room, they were gone and… Saints, it was… unspeakable. So I ran… I…” 

You snorted and then you stepped forward, “No, that’s not the truth.” You interjected and then looked to Ivan with a raised eyebrow. 

“He did cross The Fold with the others,��� Ivan began, “The rest were lies.” 

You gave a satisfied nod and you looked up at Aleksander who swept his hand out for you, inviting you to step closer to the man. 

The man began to insist that he wasn’t lying, but you and everyone else in that room knew, you couldn’t lie to a Heartrender. 

You stepped behind the man and you laid your hands on his temples, “Do you want to tell the truth to The General?” You asked lowly. He didn’t respond. 

“Do you know we keep records of everyone who crosses The Fold?” Aleksander began, and then rattled off the known passages for the evening. 

“You didn’t cross with them. Did you?” You asked, leaning down close to his ear. 

He shuddered but he didn’t answer. You looked up at Aleksander who nodded and you closed your eyes. Your fingertips began to glow and they grew so cold that they burned, you pressed them tightly against the man’s skin and he clenched his teeth. You eased off a bit and then cleared your throat. 

“You have another way across The Fold. What is it?” You asked slowly. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” He protested, but Ivan cut him off. 

“He does.” 

You sighed and brought forth your power again, this time a bit more and he winced sharply as the bitter cold from your fingers cut into his skin and left it frostbitten. 

“I’m an entertainer!” He exclaimed, “Oskar, Oskar Krepkov!” He shouted as you pushed more of your light forth, watching his veins turn white and stony underneath your touch, just as they’d been filled with moonstone. 

You eased off when Aleksander came towards the two of you and lifted up the man’s sleeve. 

“Well that is certainly entertaining. You are The Conductor,” he said darkly, revealing scars of tallies up his inner forearm, “Arken Visser, are you not?“ he pulled away from the man and gave you a nod again as he walked away.

“You smuggle Grisha out of my palace! You help them abandon the war effort.”

“No, I deal in-“ he was cut off by a sudden sharp pain in his head, caused by you pressing the heels of your hands to the hardened veins over his temples. You closed your eyes tightly and worked to spread the unforgiving cold of your light through his head, feeling it spread through his veins while Aleksander questioned the man about a woman named Nina. 

You zoned back in as Aleksander finished, and you opened your eyes to look up at him. 

“…might that have something to do with you, Mr. Visser?” He asked, in reference to Nina’s disappearance. 

“No.” He answered shakily, his teeth now beginning to chatter. You were lowering his body temperature by now surely, and his lips began to glaze over, tinted with blue. 

“I don’t!” He protested again, his voice shaky. Ivan confirmed this and the man let out a shaking sigh, “See?”

“May I interject?” You asked and looked up at Aleksander who nodded once. 

“By all means, Darling. Speak your mind.” He said with a little grin licking at the corners of his lips. 

“You might want to begin talking, Mr. Visser. Your heart is slowing and you are freezing from the inside out. The light of the moon is a cold one.” You whispered and you felt him stiffen under your hands. 

Aleksander had a proud smirk on his face and he glanced back down at Arken. 

“My guess, you struck a deal with these three thieves to kidnap Alina Starkov. But you have a stronger relationship with a certain West Ravkan general, who has notions of ruling his own country. So long as The Fold separates him from us- darling, I think you’re being too gentle with him,” he added for you, and then walked around the chair, brushing past you gently, “So you made another deal. You put on a disguise. And you played at being assassin.”

You took a deep breath and summoned more of your power, the beams of light from your hands beginning to sear into the skin of his temples.

“That’s right!” He cried, in obvious pain, “The prize to bring her back to Ketterdam was a million! Split four ways. But Zlatan offered me the same number… to kill her, so,” he let out another scream as you tightened your grip on his head and Aleksander’s eyes widened, “you give me half that, I’ll get revenge for you. I can get close to Zlatan!” He tried to bargain, but he didn’t have much left to bargain with. 

Aleksander looked at Ivan and Zoya pointedly and they began to walk away. 

“No.” Aleksander answered and then looked up at you, “I think I’ll handle that myself. And I think… I’ll let my lovely Moon Summoner handle you.” 

He gave you a short nod and stood with his hands behind his back and you nodded back at him. 

Arken began to scream and protest between the chattering of his teeth and you rolled your shoulders back, and just like the Fjerdan that attacked Alina, you shot a bright beam of silver light through his temples and let go, watching as his head fell back limply on his neck. 

Aleksander stepped towards you just as you stepped away from the now dead man, and he grasped your freezing wrists, pulling you to his chest.

“Promise me,” he began, leaning down close to your face, “Promise me that you’ll stand by my side forever. We will be revered, formidable. I will give you a crown, I will give you my love, I will give you whatever you ask for, if you promise me forever.” He pleaded and stared down into your eyes desperately. 

There was nothing that you wanted more in that moment and you studied his black eyes for a long time, searching for any sense of trickery within them, but all you found was the same want that you wore within your own eyes. 

Perhaps you’d be burned for trusting him this way. In every way. Perhaps you wouldn’t. Only time would tell. All you could do was accept his offer now, and give him your payment in the form of three words.  

“I promise. Forever.”

[readerinsertsaremyguiltypleasure]

Heyyy I was wondering if u could write like a moon summoner x darkling smut . She could be disguised as the queens lady in waiting when in reality she’s the kings personal bodyguard . Alexander could find out who she is when she appears to help save Alina when she’s attacked on the way to the little palace .

thank uuuu

Hi. Thanks for the prompt. I took a couple of liberties with this one, so I hope that's okay.

First of all, I went with a sun summoner reader. Whenever I read "moon summoner", I just picture the reader conjuring a mini moon and hurling it at their enemies like a Poké Ball, which I'm pretty sure is not what you had in mind. So, seeing as moonlight is just reflected sunlight anyway, sun summoner seemed the best compromise.

Secondly, I couldn't quite make the lady in waiting thing work, so I made it that she is just part of the King's Guard, but that is where she is hiding.

Everything else fits with your prompt. I think.

Anyways, I hope you like it.

_____________________________________

You had known something was going to go wrong on this trip. You had felt it as soon as the King had told you that you were to accompany General Kirigan to oversee the latest skiff’s maiden voyage. You were Grisha, yes, but you were also part of the King’s personal guard; not officially part of the second army. Guarding the General was not your job.

It wasn’t like he needed the extra help, anyway. And as far as everybody else was concerned, you were merely an Inferni. The strongest Inferni in Ravka, but an Inferni nonetheless. As far as they knew, your power was inconsequential to that of the Darkling.

They were wrong.

But that was how you liked it. If they knew the truth about you, they’d give you a responsibility that you knew you couldn’t live up to.

But knowledge of your true power or no, the King had still wanted you on this trip - just in case - and now you were in the middle of an ambush.

A scream caught your attention, and you turned to see your newest charge, Alina Starkov, being dragged into the woods by a fierce look Fjerdan. You ducked behind a tree as more bullets came your way, and then ran off after them.

It didn’t take long to find them. They were in the middle of a clearing, not far from the treeline. The Fjerdan had Alina pinned to the ground, axe above his head and ready to strike.

There was no way you could get across the clearing in time to save her. And they were too far away to pass off your powers as that of normal fire.

But you couldn’t let her die. She was like you.

She was a Sun Summoner.

Willing up as much power as you could, you brought your hands together and then sent a bolt of light across the clearing. Your aim was true, and you burnt a whole straight through the Fjerdan’s chest.

You hadn’t realised you weren’t the only one who had come to Alina’s rescue until it was too late. If you had known the Darkling was right behind you, you would have let him deal with it. The cut worked just as well with shadow as it did with light, after all.

‘You’re no Inferni,’ said General Kirigan, staring at you like you were a jewel he had long searched for.

And despite the fact that your secret was out and your life was now changed forever, you couldn’t help but preen under his gaze.

Genya had always warned you to be wary of powerful men… but you’d always had trouble listening to her advice.

----

When you got back to the Little Palace, Kirigan had passed Alina off onto Genya and had then all but dragged you to his private quarters. The echoing of the door closing behind you both made you nervous.

You tried distracting yourself by surveying the large map of Ravka on the table, but Kirigan didn’t let you remain distracted for long. ‘An interesting day,’ he said as he slowly walked towards you. ‘I started out with no Sun Summoner. Now I have two.’

The way he moved was almost predatory, and it made something inside you stir. Something you didn’t want to analyse too much.

‘Why did you hide?’ he asked.

‘I can’t tear down the Fold.’

You figured it was best to get straight to the point. You may not have been under his command, but you knew he was not one to purposefully anger.

‘I’m not powerful enough, and if I failed, I would no doubt be punished.’

Kirigan regarded you, now close enough to touch you if he so chose. ‘So, to hide, you turned your sun powers into that of just normal fire. Clever.’

He took a step back, and a moment later, the room was filled with his shadows. You couldn’t even see him anymore, though you knew he was still right in front of you.

‘Show me,’ his voice came from the darkness. A command if ever you’d heard one.

You knew it was no use defying him, so you brought your hands together and conjured the biggest ball of sunlight you could, sending it up above your head. It was enough to light the area between you and Kirigan, but nothing more.

But then he stepped forward and grabbed your wrist.

The power you felt flowing through you was like nothing you’d ever felt before, and without you even realising it, your small sun blazed into an inferno, lighting the whole room as if it were the middle of a cloudless day.

The look Kirigan gave at your display could not have been described as anything less than hungry.

‘You’re perfect,’ was all he said before his mouth was suddenly on yours, devouring you with a possessive kiss.

High on the power of his amplification and the fact that this handsome man wanted you, you returned the kiss eagerly, and you soon found yourself being lifted onto the table behind you.

The moment Kirigan’s hand left your skin, your sunlight faded, but that was okay. So had his shadows, and you could still see him quite clearly as he deftly undid your kefta.

‘To think I had you under my nose the entire time,’ he said between smaller kisses to your neck and jaw. You were sure you were going to have marks in the morning.

You didn’t care.

Once he had your kefta off, your hands scrambled at his own clothes, but he grabbed your wrists, stopping you. He didn’t say anything, but you got the point.

He was in control.

Satisfied that you were going to comply, he released your wrists and got back to undressing you. It felt like mere seconds before he had you in nothing but your underwear.

He stroked his hands over the skin of your thighs, making the power inside you ripple. If this was what just his hands on you felt like, you couldn’t wait to feel the rest of him.

‘Do you want this?’ he asked, voice little more than a growl.

You unconsciously licked your lips as you watched him slowly undo the buttons of his trousers.

‘Saints, yes,’ you breathed. In that moment, you didn’t care that your life was never going to be the same again. In fact, you revelled in it. It felt good to no longer have to hide. It felt freeing.

It also felt good to be fully appreciated. To be wanted.

Kirigan groaned and pushed the material of his trousers out of the way so he could fist himself. You eyes remained fixed on him, mesmerised by the sight.

He gave himself a few pumps before stepping forward and pulling your underwear aside with one finger. He lined himself up and then used his free hand to grab your chin, forcing you to look in his eyes.

The lust you saw in them made you whimper, as did the feel of his skin on yours.

‘You and I are going to do so much together,’ he said, and he pushed himself inside you with one solid thrust. You gasped and resisted the temptation to close your eyes in pleasure.

Kirigan’s gaze never left yours, even as his hips set a brutal pace, and his lips curled into a smile that was full of victory.

‘Now you’re mine.’

[aleksanderscult]

what I feel the thing about blade boy is many people were willing to forgive him in the first book. I was one of those people too. I thought,' oh he's probably come back from a traumatic experience, he doesn't mean what he sat, right?' Although I still thought that mal beig mad that alina was happy was suspicious.

Then too boy, the second book. People argue that 'oh he's like the same age as alina, we can't hold a teenager to impossibly high standards!' and I'm just like yeah, that's true. But Leigh just portrays this as a normal couples quarrel which ends up in a perfectly happy marriage (not a dysfunctional relationship which realistically would not work out).

oh oh and then comes his hypocrisy. Remember that scene at teh banya? Directly after he kissed zoya? Alina offers him that she will give up her power and run away with him (idk if she was serious or not) but mal says,' has it wver occurred to you that you're meant to be a queen and I'm meant to be nobody?' And then when alina snaps out of her stupor and stands her ground, saying the old alina ain't coming back, he just whines' I want her back?' WHY DOESNT HE PICK A SIDE?

And then ' has it ever occurred to you that I may not follow?' moment. See, if person A really does love person B, A will do whatever they can to make person B happy??? Is that not common sense? If you love a person and it's in both your better interest to let them go? You let them go? I mean, this dude literally said 'idgaf if you danced naked on the roof of the little palace with the darkling'and he is pulling this crap?

Anyways thanks for coming to my yapfest. All in all, I have many other points about blade boy that are just suspicious. I was honestly hopi g that alina remain teh leader of the second army and/or marry Nikolai and use her power to better ravka and the grisha. But we can't have that. Stay safe, take care of yourself!

-🎀 annon

Every time a person rants in my askbox is a blessed day for me. Because those facts are always delicious.

Leigh Bardugo tried so hard to make fans understand that Darklina is toxic but turns a blind eye where Malina is concerned.

True love is when you accept the other the way they are. You don't want to change them, you love everything about them. And here we have Mal who crawls away from Alina's Grisha side like it's a parasite or something. Like it's not her entire being and soul.

And that quote you mentioned "I don't care if you danced naked on the roof with him" is kinda rich coming from the man who was losing his shit every time Aleksander was in Alina's range.

That hypocritical jerk did much to Alina and he got away with that. He never apologized and even when he did, he phrased it in a way as if it was Alina's fault for acting that way against her.

That asshole is the most egomaniac character in the Grishaverse (yes even more than the Darkling. At least the Darkling could think about somebody else too.)

[louhilainen]

I just finished King of Scars...

...Can someone tell me, what on earth did I just read?

This book is such a mess, that I don’t even know where to start. Well, let’s start with the obvious.

Zoya.

I actually liked her in the trilogy as I’m a sucker for “the mean girl bullies FMC but then they become friends” trope, but I don’t even recognize her in KoS. Yeah, she was always full of herself, and she wasn’t sweet or anything like that, but she definitely wasn’t like this. It’s like her whole personality is to be as mean, spiteful and angry as possible. 

And boy, is she angry. She just loses her temper all the time. ALL. THE. TIME.

Nikolai actually has to warn her to keep her temper in check. Then she later attacks people and Nikolai has to order her to stop. What on earth is this ticking time bomb doing as a general? Being a high ranking officer doesn’t mean you can solve everything by violence, you also need to know when to keep your mouth shut and use only force when necessary. 

And that’s not even the worst thing. The worst is that Nikolai, who wanted nothing more than to sit on the throne and make Ravka a better place, thinks Zoya would make a great queen as she has shown great leadership (When in the hell did that happen???). 

No. Just. No. 

What on earth happened to you, Nikolai? Almost the whole book, he’s just given up and seems to wish for nothing more than to yeet the throne to Zoya. 

…I hated the three saints and how they messed up the whole magic system. Oh jolly, Juris is a Zoya-simp too. 

By God, let the Darkling already rest, Leigh Bardugo. You need to take Inej’s words and just let him go.

I don’t understand why Nikolai criticizes the Darkling for killing the Grishas who sided with him and Alina. They were on the opposite side of the war, of course he would do that. 

I don’t get how Zoya got the impression that the Darkling was manipulating her. She was probably nothing to him. 

I hated all the main characters (not including Nina). They were just soooo righteous.   

Bardugo is superb at making the reader see the world through the character’s eyes and I enjoy how easy her writing is to read, but the characters, the plot… Even though I personally didn’t enjoy SoC duology, I can say its plot, relationships, and characters were way better than this mess. It’s weird, the author can write something very good and then write whatever this is.

Just to make sure, this isn't an attack to anyone who liked the books or is a fan of Zoya or any other characters. This is just my opinion, others' are entitled to theirs.

[futurecorps3]

Hi!! Wanted to drop by and say that I love your fics and how you write! I saw that you're taking requests for nikolai and I'm so in the mood for some angst with him after watching season two. So I have this idea where the reader is taken by the darkling as leverage against nikolai (maybe she was one of his grishas before or not) and she tries to escape or something, but nikolai saves her.

Thank you in advance and hope you stay hidrated and happy! 💗

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞

Masterlist<3

Summary: Nikolai is sure he's never been this empty. Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x fem!reader Warnings: Kidnapping, blood mentions, Nikolai being sad and a bitch to everyone but it's okay bc he's going through something, kinda show!Nikolai for a tiny little second Word Count: 3.2K Requested: Yes

A/N: I added a bit of angsty spice because I'm a SLUT for that good Nikolai hurt/comfort. Sorry for the delay my love and tysm for requesting!!!<3 Hope u like it.

˚ · • . ° .

He wasn't sure how it all came to be. Moments like these made Nikolai realize he was a boy born with tragedy knitted on his skin and calamity running through his blood. His light. His queen. His love. His everything. Kirigan took everything from him.

When in war, everyone knew disastrous things could happen with every coming sunrise. In this specific war, you could wake up with the news that the fold had swallowed the nearest city to yours, or be in the city that was swallowed. Maybe grishas working with the Darkling burnt your house to the ground overnight. Maybe you didn't wake up at all.

The king was aware of the madness going on outside the spinning wheel's walls and all over the country. Kirigan and his army had the upper hand and grew bolder with time, but that wouldn't last, Nikolai was sure of it.

Until they took Y/N.

Not a single guard or grisha seemed to be aware of the enemy taking the one person most precious to the king. She vanished, and he blamed himself. If he hadn't been so stubborn and listened to her, he would've been there.

"There is no clue on where she might be" Zoya asserted, exasperated and scared for her best friend. Saints knew where she was. Tired of seeing Nikolai sitting with a heavy head and puffy eyes trying to work out a way to find his lover. "Time is a crucial matter on these things. But being out there would be a risk. For everyone here." Said Genya, who was standing next to David.

"I can't stand sitting here doing absolutely nothing when she's out there, Genya. Let me go out, it's been three days since t-they..." he couldn't say it. In the past hours, he realized acknowledging the fact Y/N was gone only made his mind run wild over the events that transpired the last time they were together.

Y/N paced back and forth in the grand hall of the royal palace, her heart racing with anger. Nikolai stood in front of her, his arms crossed over his chest, his expression cold and distant. They had been going back on forth for about an hour now, exhausted, but neither of them would give in.

"You're not even listening to me, Nikolai! This is important," Y/N said, her voice rising in frustration. "I am listening, Y/N. I just don't agree with you," Nikolai replied, his tone clipped and dismissive. He came up with a plan to ambush Kirigan, one Y/N considered being ruthless; they knew for a fact he was expanding the fold over some little farmer's village and he wanted to let him just so they could enter to fold and Alina could work her powers out.

The young king was sure that if they were quick enough, the habitants wouldn't immediately turn into Volcra. Still, it was risky and very thoughtless. If it didn't work, hundreds of people would die, which was the last thing the nation needed. Y/N shook her head, her hands balling into fists at her sides. She couldn't believe Nikolai was being so stubborn at a matter like this.

"I can't do this, Nikolai. What if it doesn't work? W-will you be able to live with that in your conscience?" Y/N said, her voice trembling with emotion. Nikolai didn't say a thing, his expression still gone. Y/N took a step back, disappointed.

He knew it was not an easy decision, and had been pondering it for a long time before voicing it to his love. Nikolai, too, battled himself in the classic dilemma he found himself in; was he willing to sacrifice hundreds of people to end a war that had started far before he was even born?

"Y/N, do you think I don't care? It's hard, but it has to be done. Everyone agrees. We'll do our best to get them out of there, but if it doesn't work, they won't die in vain. This could be our one chance to save Ravka," He said, his voice somehow hurt but firm. And with that, Y/N turned on her heel and stormed out of the grand hall, her footsteps echoing off the marble floors.

As she walked through the palace corridors, Y/N couldn't shake the feeling of anger and disappointment that lingered within her. She had always known that she and Nikolai had different opinions on certain matters, but she had never thought it would come to this.

The days preceding the supposed attack were filled with quiet meals, nights sleeping with backs facing each other, and no kisses. Alina and the other grishas knew what was off between the couple, but figured that if someone made even the slightest comment, Nikolai would decide against what needed to be done.

Last thing she said to him was an apathetic "Take care, don't be reckless". Y/N was worried for him but still angry and a bit shocked at them actually risking the lives of breathing, sentient people because of this stupid war. She knew it was a good plan, but either way, lives were to be lost. Nikolai nodded and turned around, mounted his horse and rode down along the other grisha to the border where Kirigan was.

Or was supposed to be.

They waited for hours, even remained hidden for quite some time, and there was no sign of Kirigan. Zoya insisted, against Alina's wishes, to go back to the castle, and they did. They did and Y/N was gone. Maybe the Darkling was more clever than they thought; he figured out the way to weaken the king by taking everything he held dear.

He heard from a friend over in Ketterdam not to love anything, ever. That was his trick and the one thing that kept him alive in many situations while he was working his way up in gangs and gained street credit. He understood that when some minor range inferni approached him with a pale face and trembling hands, saying they had taken the queen and had absolutely no idea when or where.

The king had been too daft, too stubborn to even see through the trap they had set up. It all clicked in that moment, really. The intel on the attack came from an unreliable source, and the former general relied on Ravka's desperation on ending this war. Aleksander knew they'd take anything they could get. He outsmarted the most cunning grishas and royal individuals, hurting the king greatly.

Y/N's absence felt like a never-ending void, and he was plagued with visions of what could be happening to her. No matter how hard he tried to strategize, Nikolai felt helpless, as he didn't know where Y/N was or what the Darkling was doing to her. He ached to embrace her once more, to whisper comforting words in her ear and tell her how much he adored her.

His Y/N was a bold one, and he figured she was putting up quite a fight. He prayed to his saints for her to hold on, to wait and endure until he found where she was. Everyone was working full time, maps scattered in tables with discarded locations, search parties in the land... Nikolai knew this was the time of his ability to find quick solutions to shine. He was going to find her and kill that bastard.

˚ · • . ° .

"Will you stop that already?" Aleksander said exasperated, dodging yet another one of Y/N's blazes being thrown his way. She didn't reply. Hair messy with her gown in shreds inside a cage, all dirty with how much she had wrestled with Kirigan's crew on the way there. Truth is, she had no idea where she was. "He, for once, is right, child. Stop it or he'll put these things on you."

Baghra, in the cage next to her, showed her the iron shackles he had placed. "You'll get sick if you can't use your powers". Y/N sighed, annoyed at everything. She was not scared, not of some coward who caged his own mother out of fear. They were close friends before all of this. With her childhood best friend and boyfriend enlisted in the army, Y/N was left alone. Being one of the most talented Grisha of her age, it was only natural for Kirigan to notice her standing out.

She, of course, knew nothing about his plans and was grateful she had someone to laugh with. "Darling-" "Do not call me that" she spat "Y/N, you know this could've been easier if you allowed it. Your problem is you're too stubborn, too prideful, and way too enthralled by your prince to see clearly." "He's your king, Kirigan. And you're a murderer." Of course, he didn't see himself as such. Everyone with half a brain could see he really thought he was doing the right thing, even when that meant slaughtering countless amounts of people.

The man inhaled sharply and turned around, a certain dramatic flare in his kefta as he did so. Y/N knew he wouldn't dare to hurt her, he needed her alive. But being locked away from everything known in enemy lands was not exactly the ideal situation for her at the moment; even if she scaped she would have nowhere to go. The last conversation she had with Nikolai had been everything but pleasant, and truth be told, she was worried he was worried.

She felt a bit remorseful, her words shot to kill when mad and her soon to be husband's indifference against the fierce words made her even madder, so seeing the situation at hand coolly was not an option when they argued. Also, she knew him well and Nikolai could be too hard on himself most of the time; the speech he was giving himself in that very moment was clear for Y/N.

He most likely was overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, and his head was filled with mean words, whispering that he had been the cause of all this, and that if he had just paid attention, she'd still be there. Of course, there was no way she could ever blame him for the kidnapping/becoming a forceful guest of some lovely little house on the hill, but he could. The demons could be very mean fuckers to the puppy king prince.

That night, Y/N fell asleep on the piles of blankets thinking of those blue eyes. Those blue eyes in the time they spent at sea together. Sunlight danced upon their iridescent sea, unveiling a symphony of hues with delicate glee. Celestial eyes, a glimpse of heaven's embrace, where mysteries and magic interlace. Where she found a place to be.

She hoped she could see them again soon.

˚ · • . ° .

Five days later, Nikolai made search parties go through the country to see if they could find something, anything, all a desperate measure he never thought would pay off. He was wrong.

"We found Kirigan" were the only words Zoya said, already in her kefta ready to head out. Those simple three words had the king sobering up, getting up from his seat as he felt the numbness of his body leave eagerly. Less than fifteen minutes after, he was outside the castle commanding very small teams of grisha with different tasks. There was no need to get there with the manpower they had a few days back in the fold's border. There was one singular purpose that day; getting Y/N out of there.

Nikolai's mind raced, strategizing and planning, his thoughts a whirlwind of possibilities and contingencies. The rhythmic sound of his heartbeat echoed in his ears, a constant reminder of the stakes at hand. Yet, amid the chaos of his emotions, a flicker of hope burned within him. It was the unwavering belief that he and Y/N shared a love strong enough to defy any darkness, a love that would guide him through the treacherous task ahead.

Alina stood at the edge of the hill, her gaze fixed on the horizon where Nikolai and his small army disappeared into the distance. A knot of admiration swelled in her chest as she watched his retreating figure, the determination evident in every stride. Beside her, Mal followed her gaze, his eyes narrowing as he took in the sight. "That man's love for Y/N is unparalleled," he remarked, his voice filled with awe. "I've never seen someone fight so fiercely for another person."

Alina nodded, a wistful smile playing on her lips. "It's true. Nikolai's devotion knows no bounds. He'd move mountains, cross oceans, and face the darkest of enemies for Y/N's sake." Mal's gaze softened as he glanced at Alina, his voice tinged with a hint of nostalgia. "Just like we would for each other." She met his gaze, a tender warmth filling her eyes. "Yes, just like us."

The wind rustled through the grass, carrying with it a sense of anticipation and hope. Alina's gaze lingered on the distant figure of Nikolai, his silhouette a testament to his unwavering resolve. "Do you remember when we first met Nikolai?" Alina asked, her voice carrying a hint of fondness. Mal chuckled softly, a reminiscent glimmer in his eyes. "How could I forget? He was all charm and wit, always scheming, but with a heart that burned fiercely for his people. And for Y/N."

"He's always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve," Alina mused. "But it's during times like these, when the stakes are high, that you truly see the depth of his love." Mal's gaze shifted back to the horizon, his voice carrying a note of admiration. "He's willing to risk everything, including his own life, for Y/N. It's a rare and beautiful thing."

Alina's voice grew quiet as she added, "We're fortunate to have witnessed such love. It's a reminder of what we fight for." Silence enveloped them as they stood together, their hearts swelling with appreciation for the love that bound them all. In the distance, the sun began its descent, casting a golden, almost hopeful hue upon the land.

˚ · • . ° .

As the sun began to set, casting a golden glow over the land, Nikolai and his small, stealthy army approached the Darkling's stronghold. Their destination was a grand, two-story manor nestled within the heart of enemy territory. The imposing structure loomed before them, its dark façade a testament to the malevolence that lay within.

Nikolai's heart pounded in his chest as they neared the manor, his thoughts consumed by the image of Y/N trapped within its walls. The manor stood as a symbol of their separation, a barrier between them that he was determined to breach. The double doors of the building loomed large, promising the secrets and dangers that lay beyond. Nikolai turned to his loyal companions, his voice steady but laced with urgency.

"We enter quietly," Nikolai whispered, his words carried on a whispering breeze. "Our goal is to locate Y/N and bring her out unseen. Remain vigilant and stay close." The members of his small army nodded, their eyes gleaming with a shared resolve. They understood the magnitude of their mission and the risks involved.

With a nod from Nikolai, they entered the manor, their footsteps silent against the marble floors of the grand foyer. The opulence of the surroundings contrasted starkly with the tension that filled the air. Paintings adorned the walls, and ornate chandeliers dangled from the ceiling, casting a dim glow that danced with the shadows.

Distant footsteps could be heard, a day over for all the grishas on Kirigan's side. No one on sight downstairs, but, ever the paranoid, Nikolai made the five soldiers who accompanied him inside stay behind. It was easier, safer, if he wen't by himself upstairs.

He ascended a grand staircase, each step careful and deliberate, his senses heightened. The second floor held a maze of hallways and rooms, potential hiding places where Y/N might be held captive. His path was shrouded in uncertainty, but Nikolai's determination remained unwavering.

As he crept along the hallway, doors lined each side, concealing the secrets within, avoiding any wandering person in the hallways. The air was thick with anticipation, the silence broken only by the soft creaking of the wooden floorboards beneath their feet.

Nikolai pressed his ear against a closed door, straining to catch any sounds that might indicate Y/N's presence. A faint, muffled whimper reached his ears, and his heart clenched. It was the sound he had been longing to hear, the confirmation that Y/N was indeed within the manor. With practiced precision, Nikolai picked the lock, his hands steady despite the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

The door swung open, revealing a dimly lit room. Y/N was there, her weary form huddled in the corner of a cage, her eyes widening with hope at the sight of Nikolai. The room itself was sparse, lacking the opulence that adorned the rest of the manor. It was a stark contrast, a symbol of the darkness that had enveloped Y/N's captivity next to a sick looking Baghra.

"Oh darling" she whispered, melting the lock that had kept her there for days. The door fell open, and as Nikolai's arms wrapped around Y/N, a surge of emotions washed over both of them. The weight of their separation, the fear and uncertainty that had gripped their hearts, all dissipated in that single embrace. Time seemed to stand still as they held each other, finding solace and strength in each other's presence.

Y/N's body melted into Nikolai's, her fingers gripping the fabric of his jacket, as if she couldn't bear to let go. She buried her face in his chest, inhaling his familiar musky scent, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against her cheek. A rush of relief flooded through her, knowing that she was finally safe in his arms.

Nikolai's hold tightened around Y/N, his voice a gentle whisper in her ear. "I thought I lost you," he confessed, his words laced with a mix of vulnerability and profound love. "But I will always find my way back to you, no matter the cost." Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes as she looked up at Nikolai, her gaze filled with gratitude and devotion. "I never doubted you," she replied, her voice filled with unwavering trust.

"We're getting you out of here," Nikolai whispered, his voice filled with determination and love. Together, they left the room, their steps light as they navigated the labyrinthine hallways of the manor. Each turn brought them closer to the freedom that awaited beyond its walls. Nikolai's small army, now positioned strategically throughout the manor, provided cover and ensured their path remained clear.

As they emerged from the grand entrance of the place, relief washed over them. The moon hung high in the night sky, casting a gentle glow over their escape. Nikolai held Y/N close, their eyes meeting in a silent understanding. The grand, two-story manor now stood as a symbol of their victory, its walls unable to contain the power of their love and determination.

In that moment, as they left the manor behind, they knew that they had conquered not just the physical barriers but also the darkness that had threatened to tear them apart. Hand in hand, they embarked on a journey towards a future where their love would be the guiding light, ready to conquer this war and build a new world belonging to the both of them.

˚ · • . ° .

Hi! Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed:) Hey, that scape seemed a bit too easy... right? 👀

Remember, the best way to support writer’s works on here is by REBLOGGING WITH TAGS. I’d very much appreciate it if you did!

Thanks again, stranger. Hope you have a nice day<3

NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO REPOST AS THEIR OWN/TRANSLATE/OR COPY MY WORK IN ANY PLATFORM OR SPACE WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT CONSENT.

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

So I finished the trilogy and woahhh it was... well it was not what I'd expected lol. My thoughts are a little messy and jumbled so I can't put them into words rn and I can't decide how to feel about alina's ending.

But yeah the whole "Like sure, he put a fucking collar on her but she’s His and it’s Not Supposed To Be Like This." pretty much explains his thought process. What was it supposed to be like in his head? Wonder what would've happened if Alina had been an obedient little pet sun summoner and done everything just the way he wanted it. Would he have grown tired of her after sometime? Or if at any point in the books alina would've reciprocated his advances how would he have reacted? Also, just what exactly does he even want? Like if he'd gotten his perfect sun queen and ruled ravka would that be enough for him? Idk he's a weird little guy and I think nothing would satisfy him. Also sorry for yapping around in your askbox lol I read these books because of your takes so I didn't know who else to share my thoughts with 😅

Re: this ask Oh yeah. Yeah... the ending is bad lol. In some ways I can understand what LB was going for? But the end result feels wildly regressive for Alina as written. It's a real shame!

FWIW she said this about it in a Q&A: "In Ruin and Rising, Alina embraces her role as a Saint when she must, faces a dictator who she knows possesses greater power than she does, learns to rely on people to help buttress her own strength, murders her best friend because she knows the sacrifice is required.

What does Alina do after she loses her power? Brings down the most powerful Grisha in the world using her intelligence, courage, and the teachings of a woman who was her mentor and friend. Secures a pardon for Genya. Determines the future of the Second Army by selecting the Triumvirate (Zoya, David, and Genya) and getting Nikolai to put them in power.

And as for ending up where she began, Alina chooses to rebuild Keramzin and make it a place of love and learning where every child can be raised to be a valued citizen of the new Ravka, and where every child has a say in his or her destiny—Grisha or not. In other words, she gives orphans and refugees, the unwanted and disadvantaged, the opportunities she never had.

For me, these are not the actions of a girl who does not know her own worth. That's how I see the story, and that's why I wrote it that way."

And like... I get it... but... that isn't the narrative framing that actually exists in the series. It's not really a story that's about her being told that her only value is in her power and therefore her having to lose her power to see her own worth being the logical conclusion? And even in a scenario like that, I think you'd need to spend longer with her having lost her power and having to adapt without it, rather than it just being the conclusion of her story. The series sets up Alina's power as something intrinsic to her that she's been suppressing to be with fucking Mal, who textually doesn't appreciate her. Her growing into herself is explicitly tied to her embracing her power-- something the Darkling tries to wrest from her. Meanwhile the story continues to build up a conflict where it becomes increasingly clear that she cannot be with Mal if she continues to have her power (because she'll be more important than him lmao) so... the conclusion is that she loses her power and settles into obscurity... and again explicitly this is the only way she can be with him? Infuriating! I think Bardugo tries to frame Alina changing her name and going to live in the countryside as like a positive exiting of the narrative, being released from the burden of it. But the way the story is built just doesn't support that! Anyway, re: the Darkling, I agree that he would never have been satisfied with any outcome. He's had centuries since the creation of the Shadow Fold to build up the idea of the Sun Summoner as the cosmic answer to every one of his problems. As someone who exists specifically to fill the gaping hole in his withered husk of a heart lmao. And those just aren't expectations that any real, living person could ever live up to. Anyway, eye personally do not think he would have grown tired of her, for the same above reasons. The accumulated obsession is just way too intense and has basically nothing to do with her. So in a way, nothing she could do would kill it. As far as reciprocation. I mean I think he would've always gone gloves off with her at some point. The plan was always to use the amplifiers to control her. Even if she hadn't run away, at some point she would have refused to help him do mass murder, and he would've treated her the same way. Frankly, her running away was such a small mutiny, that itself tells you how little he's willing to compromise or give her any space. She hadn't acted against him, she was afraid and with good reason! It would've been so easy to just... tell her that Baghra was lying lmao. Just be nice and smooth things over! But he's fucking incapable. And I think reciprocation would've gone the same way. Like, in the first book she literally offers to work with him if he doesn't kill Mal. Which... would literally just give him a hostage to hold over her head forever. Like it was a good bargain for him. But he couldn't, because he cannot bear a situation where she gets to dictate the terms at all! He'd always want to make sure he has complete and utter control. I've speculated a couple times about "And then what?" scenarios about him winning though

[stromuprisahat]

Why do Zoya stans dunk on Alina constantly when without her she'd be dead I don't understand. At least Alina wasn't handed the crown and a throne by her prince bf. It's the people who'd already declared her the Sun Queen something we can't say about Zoya who's male LI had to scheme and bribe people to declare her as their queen.

I don't see how "Nazyalensky" rule will last tbh. Alina was loved because the sun summoner had some religious significance in their world (I think it's because of the existence of fold she was seen as the savior) but Zoya's dragon avatar doesn't have any of that. Like her being a dragon just feels so random to me i really can't take it seriously. Is there any public love for her that there was with Alina? And what happened to the majority of Grisha who sided with the darkling? Where did they go? Did they just accept the monarchy? So many questions

I don't know. I've blocked so many idiots, fandom drama usually doesn't reach me.

There are several issues with both of them.

It's true I don't know, what would Zoya do, if Alina didn't appear to claim the Second Army. Until the Sun Summoner shows up, the remaining Little Palace Grisha are prisoners in their own home. The only person we know of, that was doing anything, is Sergei, who worked on paperwork and probably kept an eye on day-to-day the way his limited options let him. Zoya was bitching, but not contributing.

Her behaviour points towards being a big-mouthed follower, waiting for another powerful figure to worship. Which she does, eventually. Alina becomes the flawless Saint in her memories.

I don't remember Nikolai bribing anyone to proclaim Zoya, but then again- the whole passage was so stupid I was trying not to cry the whole time, while reading it, so I might've missed it.

Alina is more likely to keep the power she had as the Sol Koroleva, but none of it was her merit either. While there likely was some myth regarding Sun Summoners, we don't know anything about it, and in books we're told in several places the Apparat was actively spreading the myth he created about her.

Sometimes I was Sankta Alina, sometimes Alina the Just or the Bright or the Merciful. Daughter of Keramzin, they shouted, Daughter of Ravka. Daughter of the Fold. Rebe Dva Stolba, they called me, Daughter of Two Mills, after the valley that was home to the nameless settlement of my birth. I had the vaguest memory of the ruins the valley was named after, two rocky spindles by the side of a dusty road. The Apparat had been busy breaking open my past, sifting through the rubble to build the story of a Saint.

Siege and Storm- Chapter 10

What she does, is wave and smile. She sucks in leadership and doesn't become better with time. She's misguided at best, and fails even in her official main quest- the Fold isn't destroyed by her, just as it isn't destroyed well.

But hey- it's not entirely her fault. She's victim of her enviroment as much as the author's.

I can see where Alina's support comes from- there's faith to built on, probably a legend we're not aware of, whole net of priests spreading it, Alina tours the country for a while and appears with the Prince, meeting diplomats and delegates...

Zoya's following a new king around, rumoured to be his mistress. One of three Grisha he closely works with a few months after nation-wide pogroms hunting them? Young King with head full of innovations and changes (both usually distrusted, when first applied), rumored to be bastard...

Alina was considered a Saint in her own right.

Zoya's one of many Grisha first and foremost, drawing power from her connection to Nikolai. She wasn't appearing with Alina, she wasn't seen with her by considerable amount of surviving people, they weren't seen to be close in any way. Her reputation of "war hero" is built on nothing. Her close ones claim she fought alongside Alina, and there's too little people to dispute (or confirm) it.

Neither of them have any real achievements, until Zoya sells her soul body to and for a dragon nuke, that's somehow better than the Fold nuke.

Even associations with their power can't be compared and deemed of similar weight. While Sun is mostly viewed in positive light (pun absolutely intended), dragons usually have negative connotations. If you told me Zoya's worshipped in Shu Han- a country inspired by China (I guess.)-, I would believe it, but Slavic countries aren't nearly as clear-cut in their relationship to giant flying lizards (If I'm wrong about China, feel free to correct me- my knowledge of its folklore is superficial at best.). Sure, dragons might be wise and otherwordly (like snakes), but also malevolent and dangerous.

Either way, Zoya's rule has no real(istic) support, and I would love to read a good story about it's gruesome collapse.

As for Aleksander's Grisha- we weren't supposed to ask about them during TGT, so what makes you think they exist now? Unless they're here to establish the Darkling enjoyed killing little children and torturing helpless widows or whatever...

[blues-valentine]

the Alina debate going on reminds me of the Katniss debate even years later. there’s people that in this date and age think Gale was a better choice …..some people hate to see girls that went through imaginable levels of trauma find themselves a calm and quiet life with a man that brings them safety and peace.

These two cases are pretty similar and with THG renaissance on social media lately the discussions about this subject are getting wildly inaccurate and lacking media literacy.

Alina and Katniss are similar in how they were just kids that had to grow up in a mess up world and take care of themselves alone. They both were thrown into a role way bigger than them. Deemed as holy and untouchable. Prayed as the sole savior of a nation, painted as a symbol. A role they’ve never felt prepared for and during all of that trauma and grief they just hoped for some normalcy beyond that chaos. Mal and Peeta represent comfort and security for each of them but still the choice to seek that peace creates controversy. I saw this amazing post (X) about how thinking Gale and Katniss should’ve ended up together is simply incorrect and a terrible interpretation of what the books and movies are telling you and similarly goes with Alina’s ending being sadly misunderstood.

People don’t get that Gale became everything he was fighting against. The thing Katniss was trying to run from. In his search to destroy the Capitol and eradicate the games he became too blinded by hatred and started justifying all that violence with the idea of revenge. He would easily switch off his humanity to justify the means in which he achieved those goals. He would’ve never been able to provide Katniss with the peace, safety and the healing she was searching. Peeta and Katniss both understood the trauma lived in the games and ultimately wanted the same thing: peace, get a hold to their humanity, move on from the pain. I still cannot comprended how people think Peeta is “boring” because he is by far one of the most complex characters but also, doesn’t Katniss deserve a mundane or “boring” life? One that isn’t pledge by chaos and trials? One that feels like a routine in the most full-filling way? Katniss getting that plus allowing herself to have kids — because she never said she didn’t want kids, she just didn’t want them to exist in a world in which the games existed, and she fought so it won’t ever happen again. Katniss deserves to have a peaceful life instead of feeling the burden of a role she has to play.

THG is still one of the most complex trilogies I’ve ever read. Katniss and Peeta’s love story isn’t typical but it’s true in its essence. Both were thrown into circumstances that only them would be able to understand and managed to find peace within each other. Their love was born from being able to give each other mutual understanding and comfort. Katniss is able to share her real feelings with Peeta, who sees her as Katniss and not as the symbol of rebellion. That guy, a kid himself too, who’s been used as a weapon to torment Katniss would give his life for her in a heart beat. His love for her is pure.

For Alina, her powers while they made her feel powerful at times, they were also a burden. They made her feel lost, confused, scared of herself and suicidal. Alina’s powers didn’t develop normally because she wasn’t raised as a normal Grisha. There’s a reason why the amplifiers are called a fetter and a collar. They were never meant to be seem as a positive thing. Alina’s whole journey has been filled with trauma and with the imposition of a role she had to play that went against her own freedom. Her powers made her a pawn. The title of the savior, the sun summoner, the queen, the Saint; those all were titles she did not ask for and she found a tremendous burden to perform. She said it herself multiple times. She felt like a fraud and people worshipping her made her feel like she was bigger than herself. Alina would’ve never been able to achieve her peace if she still had those powers and therefore would’ve never been truly free. I’m sorry, no one will ever convince me that Alina making the choice to remove herself from a world that has brought her so much trauma in exchange for a peaceful, mundane life in which she’s able to provide orphan kids just like her the love and security she didn’t get for herself (or for Mal) is not empowering. Her choice IS empowerment.

Mal, who was also a kid himself, had to deal with trauma, with the idea of being disposable and insignificant in a world that only valued those with powers or status. He was used as a weapon against Alina so he swears himself to be a weapon for Alina, because ultimately she is the only person he’ll fight and give his life for.

A thing that it’s similar to Katniss and Alina is that people are so convinced they should’ve healed from their trauma alone to be deemed more empowering. Why should they not be in the company of someone that brings them peace? Someone that makes them feel loved and comforted? Women are allowed to have character developed while also being with a love interest. Not all women have to stick to Hollywood’s propaganda of empowerment.

If you don’t understand why Alina and Katniss endings and the fundamental nature of their choices being about healing, and for Alina about the promise that her power lies in herself, on her own value, then you simply didn’t get it.

And no one can convince me this wasn’t a good, bittersweet but fulfilling ending for Alina:

[theweeklydiscourse]

If Alina had actually passed the tests he'd given her, how do you think Aleksander would have told her the truth? When?

This is a good question! Addressing the whole truth of his identity, past and motives would have been inevitable considering his larger aspirations for him and Alina to become immortal companions, so what strategies would he employ to ensure that the big reveal goes as smoothly as possible?

First, we need to identify what exactly he’s going to tell her. I believe the whole truth is something that he’d tell her in two parts.

1. The truth about his motives with the shadow fold as well as the imminent coup d’état.

2. The truth about his immortality and him being the Black Heretic.

Both of these truths are alike in the sense that they pertain to the essence Aleksander’s character, but they differ in urgency. Informing Alina of the coup would be the most urgent given that the pressure to destroy the shadow fold increased greatly after Alina was discovered. In order for the plan to proceed, Alina should ideally know what Aleksander’s true motives are before they move forward with an enormous feat of Grisha power.

However, telling Alina the second truth would be akin to him putting his life in her hands. As such, his approach to telling her the truth would most likely require more time and caution. I can only imagine how that conversation might go for the two of them.

So what if Alina did pass the tests?

Even if she passed his tests initially, I imagine that Aleksander would still approach the issue with a high degree of caution. Their conversation on the journey to the Little Palace was a sort of placement test that let him subtly grade her, that is why I think he would conduct more tests incrementally to track her progress and milestones until she fully passed. But, if she had passed his initial test, I believe that Aleksander would have been far bolder with his hints and taken an approach that might allow Alina to draw her own conclusions.

For example, after Alina’s introduction to the King and Queen, Aleksander tests the waters by describing the King as a child. It’s an obvious slight at the King’s frivolous and incompetent ways that would’ve been understood by Alina after seeing his childish attitude firsthand. What if, instead of gasping and appearing visibly shocked, Alina responded in an affirmative manner? Perhaps agreeing with Aleksander or making a jab of her own? This might then lead into a conversation about the King’s failure as a ruler and allude to Aleksander’s future plans while also allowing Alina to ease into the subject.

We see the beginnings of an incremental approach to ease Alina into the world of Grisha. Getting her acquainted with her new home, giving her a friendly companion (Genya), and placing her among the rest of the Little Palace Grisha for daily events such as mealtimes and training. This stage is crucial to gaining Alina’s support and allegiance due to her upbringing as a non-Grisha as well as her low self esteem. Given that Alina’s introduction to the world of Grisha was both frightening and shocking, throwing her into the deep end right away would only cause her to flail and struggle, ultimately risking the entire movement in the process. So, she needs to spend a bit of time on the edge of the water, going from dipping her toes in to wading into the shallow end.

My estimate is that if all went according to plan (meaning that Baghra never meddled) then Aleksander would obtain the stag with Alina and take a number of months or even a year or two to train and acclimate to such a powerful amplifier. During this time, he would level with her about the true purpose of the fold and what her role would be in the movement for Grisha liberation.

R/relationshipadvice : How do I (500M), tell my potential girlfriend/life partner (20F) that I’m not actually 120 and that I’m actually an immortal revolutionary wizard who forever changed the geography and politics of our country?

As for the biggest truth of all, I often wonder how long it would take Aleksander to tell Alina the full truth about who he is. The idea of telling her most likely intimidates him into playing it safe and because of that I think it might take a number of years before he would be ready. However, Alina is not an idiot and has the power to observe things. The benefit of this is that it would allow her to gather information and draw her own conclusions as she gets closer to the truth. Aleksander is an understandably guarded person, but he will still leave breadcrumbs for Alina to follow and pick up on. But if I had to say, I’d think that he might wait for Alina to ask him outright (after a time) and then either bare his souls or let Alina’s questions reveal the truth throughout a long conversation.

[ask-genyasafin]

do u think zoya is too bossy? does she make a good queen for ravka?

What? Of course I don't think she's too bossy. Her job is, quite literally, to be the boss. She takes it really seriously, and I think that can only ever be a good thing, considering the number of monarchs Ravka has had who don't take ruling seriously at all. On an interpersonal level, I still disagree - Zoya has strong opinions, of course, and I really admire her for that, but she never tries to force them on us.

Zoya is a wonderful queen. She knows what the people of Ravka need, and she's willing to make sure they get it. She really and truly cares about this country and its people, particularly those who don't always get enough support or recognition - Grisha, the Suli, those in poverty, young girls and women, and so on.

I think that under her rule, Ravka is on track to become more equal than it ever has been before, which is absolutely incredible. Laws are being passed to prevent the injustices of the past from repeating themselves, and to keep our people safe in general.

(By the way, my inbox is feeling quite strange lately, between this and the question about whether I blame David for the Darkling's treatment of Alina - I'm sure you meant your question respectfully, but I don't like the idea that people are trying to get me to speak negatively about my friends. I trust the people in my life wholeheartedly, and I'm not going to badmouth them!)

[wastedwastelandme]

Amongst the MANY reasons why I want a Shadow and Bone season 3, one at the top of my list is that I am fascinated with where specifically Alina’s story could be going. (Warning for heavy book spoilers going forward)

One of the things I really liked in the books was the focus on how much Alina’s role was slowly crushing her, how aside from the simple joy she got from her power itself, her title as��“The Sun Summoner,” her status as a symbol caused her nothing but pain. There’s huge swaths of waiting in book 2 and the beginning of 3 where she has nothing to do but dread over all the implications of her role: the Darkling’s presence reminding her of all she fears she could become or even just seen as by the people of Ravka, ageless and without equal and consumed by her own power. The cult being built around her increasing her worry of what would happen if she fails (and, you know, the fear of being the focus of a cult). The increasing realization that even if she does succeed she doesn’t just get to walk away and will most likely have to marry Nikolai and become the Sun Queen to keep the peace in Ravka for the Grisha. How all of this pulls her further and further away from Mal, being seen as someone with a grand destiny either way that he can’t be a part of. Alina spends so long fearing this and even more that it feels like a trap closing around her that she escapes with Mal at the last moment by faking her death taking down the Fold. She’s able to get away from the trap of being a symbol and it’s why it’s such a victory that she and Mal get that small and simple life.

But here, because of the timeline moving and other changes, show!Alina hasn’t had the chance to dread all this, and Mal has been steadfast by her side the whole time so she hasn’t had it all been underlined by them being slowly pulled apart. She’s aware of these things in general, but she hasn’t had the chance to really focus on and fear them happening.

This is not a criticism, and is in fact the point of my fascination.

Because while book!Alina spent so much time dreading the trap she was falling into and was able to escape it, show!Alina does not realize that she’s been falling into a trap and is now ALREADY IN THE TRAP.

She’s standing beside Nikolai as the Sun Queen without the awareness that this might not be a temporary position. The world no longer has the Darkling and the Fold as a common enemy and all the attention will be on Alina as the representative of ravkan Grisha with a unique power that has already served its purpose. She’s now truly without equal, she used Merzost, and she used the Darkling’s shadow power itself. The Apparat is very much still around with his cult leader fixation on Alina. And now Mal has left her side so they can find each other on their own, and she doesn’t have him to fall back on during this at all.

And the cherry on top of all this is that show!Alina doesn’t have the way out of this that her book counterpart did. She doesn’t have the neat tidy story of “The Sun Summoner sacrificed her life to destroy the Fold” that people will accept, because the Fold’s already been destroyed and she’s still in the public eye! The only way the people will accept someone leaving their status as a Saint and a Symbol is through their martyrdom and she doesn’t have that anymore! And she still doesn’t realize any of this yet!

I really have no idea how she could get out of this neatly, and I really really need that next season to see how this goes pretty please.

[corporalicent]

when duty becames pleasure

nikolai lantsov x alina starkov

sinopsis: Nikolai Lantsov asked the Sun Summoner to be his wife, but just because that would be a great alliance for Ravka... right? (Inspired by the last scene of episode s2 e3)

rating: explicit (nikolai being a boobs man)

a/n: English isn't my first language, sorry if there's a grammatical error!

I'm so mad because netflix cancelled the show, but at least we got nikolina as endgame??

And sorry for not being here in two months but personal reasons kept me from writing.

Enjoy this one-shot!!

ao3

His words ran through Alina's mind. "Marry me", he said the day prior. "Our marriage is a great alliance to Ravka", at that moment Alina saw Nikolai's potential as King.

His words said one thing but his blue eyes said another. She knew he wanted more out of this marriage, she knew he couldn't say anything in front of Mal. And she knew she felt the same way.

"Please think about it, don't give me an answer right away", he told her. And since that moment, she was thinking about her answer. She had Mal on one side, her childhood and freedom. Her life without being a Grisha, without being the savior everyone is counting on.

And on the other side, she had Nikolai. He was her future. He was her future King. With him, she could be herself without having to compete with her past-self.

Her thoughts kept her up that night as the moonlight was the only source of light in her room. Alina turned and turned on her bed trying to find an answer or her sleep. And she found one of them.

Ravka needed a strong union, and whether she liked it or not, Nikolai became an important person for her the moment they met. They had so much in common, how they became an important figure for each other's people in one night; Alina becoming the Sun Summoner and Nikolai becoming Ravka's King after his brother's death.

With her answer on her mind, she decided to tell him tonight. It was dark, and he would probably be sleeping but she needed to tell him before would regret it.

She stood from her bed and walked towards the door. Her sleepwear wasn't exposed, thus she didn't need something to cover her up.

The hallway to Nikolai's bedroom was full of light as if he was waiting for her that night. With every step she took, her anxiety grew. Her doubts flooded her mind and in any second she was ready to get back to her room.

But her loyalty for Ravka made her go on.

His white bedroom door was in front of her, without even thinking of it, she knocked on his door hoping no one would answer. She heard noise coming from his room and it was getting closer to her.

Alina took a long breath before the door opened, she felt his annoyed face coming just because she woke him up. Instead, she met a surprised face from him as he opened the door. His blond hair was messy, confirming he was in bed. But from his face, it looked like he was sleeping at all, he was waiting for her.

Her eyes went directly to his exposed chest. Her gaze went quickly up to his face, but he noticed her eyes looking at him.

"Alina" he whispered. He didn't have to, his room was far away from everyone else's room. "What are you-" he was starting to ask her, but Alina cut him off with her voice. "I have my answer" her voice came out without any emotion.

"If your answer is as exciting as your tone, maybe I don't want to hear it," he replied jokely. A small laugh came out from Alina's mouth. "I'm just nervous," she said.

He didn't say anything again, he was anxious to know her answer. He wanted her, just her. He used Ravka as an excuse, Nikolai wanted Alina as his Queen.

"I accept, '' she quietly said, as if she was trying to hide her answer. But he heard, he heard clearly. Nikolai couldn't hide his smile, as if his plan was successful.

He gently took Alina's hand and made her come close to him, his gaze was hooked on her lips. And now he was really to taste them. He got his face close to her but before he could kiss her, Alina took a step back. "But no kissing before the wedding" she said firmly.

"Sure," he said as he closed his bedroom door leaving them alone. "As you wish, beautiful". He took Alina's hand and started to leave small kisses on it, "Is this ok?" he innocently asked.

She just nodded at him, thus he started to go up on her arm. "Is this ok?" he asked again, and received a small 'yes' with a laugh. With a smirk on his face, he continued going up to her neck.

He moved her hair before starting kissing it, but this time his kisses weren't quick and goofy but they were more slow and romantic. He took his time with every kiss and placed one in every inch of her neck. "Is this ok?" he asked again. She just nodded, but this time he didn't take that as an answer. "Use your words Alina, I know you can", he said confidently.

She finally said 'yes' with her face as red as Corporalki's keftas. He looked at her with a feeling of victory on his face, both of them knew this was the first time Alina was being touched like that.

He moved from her neck to the cleavage of her nightgown. He played with Alina's pleasure as he got closer to her breasts but stopped to get up to get neck. He loved to see how frustrated she got.

"You're so mean" she breathed out. She wanted his mouth near her breasts. He laughed at her comment, and continued with his game. But everytime he got to her cleavage, her breasts got more exposed to him. To the point where he could kiss one nipple and play with the other with his fingers.

Alina's breaths and moans filled his room as his mouth not only kissed but licked her nipple. With every sound she made, the more excited Nikolai got. He was so full of himself with her reaction, how powerful his mouth is on her body.

"Nikolai" she breathed out, "We shouldn't be doing this". He smiled at her comment. He left her nipple alone to see her face-to-face. "But we're not kissing, that was your only rule", his confident smile made Alina want to punch him and make love to him.

[heliads]

So, Before You Go Chapter Three: Forgiveness is A Difficult Fire to Burn

Hellas is gone; so too is your life as a cartographer. You and the Darkling must quell Alina Starkov’s attempt at an uprising in order to protect the Grisha of Ravka. However, your gods are not as dead as they seem, and that which you have taken for granted will soon prove to be quite unpredictable indeed.

previous / series masterlist / next

At the beginning of a new age, not the start of the world but the start of theirs, a goddess named Hera wed herself to Zeus, king of the gods. She was a proud and powerful queen, capable of everything except keeping Zeus’ focus on her. She declared herself goddess of marriage, and her husband grew famous for his exploits amongst the mortals. How ridiculous, to think that being the only creature remotely close to your lover would be enough to guarantee you their loyalty.

Even after the days fade into one another, even after swearing to Aleksander that you would not let Poseidon’s visit trouble your thoughts any longer, you cannot stop yourself from thinking of that day on the sea. By all accounts, it should be impossible. Dead gods cannot trouble the living, but yet Poseidon did just that anyway.

If Poseidon can do it, what is to stop the rest from claiming fragments of your time? There are a dozen major gods in the pantheon, plus countless minor deities and spirits. If they could rally the energy to make their voices heard from across the Styx and up to you, there is no telling how often you would be haunted, nor how long it would take until you cave to their demands and change your course.

You do not wish to change your course, however. This is your war, bloody and brilliant as it is. No one made a world that would be safe for you. Not even your mother, who fought to keep you hidden until the very day she died. You will make the world that they cannot, and it will be wonderful, and all those children who grow up magical will never fear those who do not understand them.

Alina is alive, of this you are now certain. David knew it, too, or he wouldn’t have run. They must know. Aleksander’s visions are strong enough that he is certain as well. He seems to visit her every day. Almost every time you stop by his study, his eyes are shut tight as he whispers things to her that you cannot hear.

At first, you encouraged the visions to continue. This is the best way to gather intelligence on the movement of Alina’s followers, how many they are and what strength they possess. As the days go on, however, you start to regret how cavalier you were in addressing the visions. It is not a foreign idea for any Hellenid to experience jealousy; in fact, it’s practically a treasured trait amongst its heroes and gods, but that does not mean you have to like it.

Alina, after all, is something young and new and interesting. She defied Aleksander. She wields power with a hand that grows more capable by the day. If you didn’t know better, you’d say that she reminds you of yourself.

Is that really such a terrible thing to admit? The more you think about it, the more your thoughts settle on the truth. You met Aleksander when he still had something to hide from you:  namely, the fact that he was the same Black Heretic who created the Shadow Fold. In that vein, he had an advantage over you, that of a secret well kept. Both of you were more powerful than any around you, and both of you had a type of power that no one else had ever used in recorded history. Alina summons the sun whereas you summon magic, but it is the same thing in the end.

Even Alina’s method of meeting Aleksander for the first time has much in common with yours. You’d met Aleksander when you were both trying to keep a low profile from otkazat’sya soldiers who wanted Grisha dead. Alina was nearly murdered by distrustful Fjerdans on her way to the Little Palace. In fact, foiling one of those attempts to take her life was how you ended up on Aleksander’s radar the second time around.

Aleksander is manipulating Alina at this very moment, all in the interest of regaining strength and control over Ravka. Did he manipulate you, then? Yes. The question is if he is still doing it.

You sit alone in your study, attempting to focus on reports detailing Alina’s potential location without much success. There is a dusty mirror propped up against the opposite wall, and your eyes flicker to it. You wear a different face now than you did all those years ago, Ravkan instead of Hellan, but it is still you, just as Aleksander is still himself. Can he really change all that much? Can you?

You blink and there is someone standing behind you. You flinch in your seat and whirl around to see an apparition of a woman. She is only half formed now, but growing strength by the second, still creating limbs and clothing out of a shower of golden sparks. She catches you looking and grins, the expression sharp as a blade.

“I learned that trick from my husband,” she says, “he used it to see another woman, if you’ll believe that. I gave him everything, and he still wandered every chance he got.”

A memory flits across your mind, a story your mother had shared with you when you were small. Zeus had sired the hero Perseus by visiting a woman in the form of a twist of golden light. If this woman is Zeus’ husband, then that means this is Hera. Another goddess. Another Hellenid who should be dead but isn’t.

This time, instead of bowing, you keep your eyes locked on hers. “Lady Hera. I thought I told all of you to leave me be.”

Hera spreads her arms as if expecting an embrace. “I am not here to talk you out of your conquest, child. I wish to offer advice.”

Your jaw clenches. “I don’t want it.”

Her eyes shutter, expression cold. “Of course you do. I have seen a thousand unions fail, including my own. Do you think I don’t see it? You doubt him. You tell yourself that the two of you are the only ones that matter, but you’re not the one he’s speaking to right now. That pesky Sun Saint of yours has a way of intruding.”

You scoff. “If you had one chance to come back from the dead and you used it to offer me relationship advice, I’ll offer you some advice as well. Save your strength for when it’s important.”

Hera stalks forward, slamming her hand down onto the desk in front of you. Papers scatter to the ground, which makes you lurch backwards despite your best attempts to maintain a normal demeanor. Hera is a ghost. She should not be able to impact your physical world, but the notes tumbling to the floor beg to differ.

“There is more to existence than constant war,” she says through gritted teeth, “I know my domain. I know what being alone can do to heroes. All of them had a partner, or have you forgotten their history? Sometimes a lover can save your life. Sometimes they can drive you mad, or slit your throat while you sleep. How well do you know this shadow of yours? Enough to guarantee that he will not attempt to murder you again?”

You stand in a rush. “He has changed. I have forgiven him.”

“For what crime?” Hera asks, syllables slow and precise. Her eyes glitter, and you remember why the sons of Zeus suffered so in their path to glory. Hera knows enough of torment to ruin your life, and the lives of every soul to ever cross your path again. Her reach knows no bounds. “Did he ever tell you what he wanted to do? Did you ever ask?”

“No,” you whisper. The syllable is torn from your throat, a betrayal of your vocal chords. You had not meant to answer, but her gaze was so intense that you could not help it. Hera is truth, in a way, the demand of knowledge. Although she could do nothing to stop Zeus, she watched from the shadows and exacted her revenge in a cruel and calculated manner. If she wanted you to speak, you would have no choice but to do it.

Hera inclines her head in victory. “No,” she repeats, “you did not. Think on that, little witch, before you let him lead you forward in war. Think about who he will want at his side when this is over. Kings only choose one queen.”

This time, you are left conscious as Hera disappears. You reach out a hand as if to stop her from going, but the room is empty in a second and you are left standing there alone, heart thundering in your chest. The papers are still on the ground even after she left. This is no vision, then. She was actually here.

You hear footsteps in the hall outside and moments later, Aleksander is pausing in the door, mouth already set in a smile from something that had happened already, presumably his conversation with Alina. He starts to speak, but his aura of happiness bleeds from him the moment he sees the look on your face.

“What is it?” He asks, entering your study and quickly shutting the door behind him.

You shake your head once, a violent sideways slash. “Nothing.”

Aleksander frowns. “Are you sure? You look unwell.”

“We both have secrets, then,” you pronounce as delicately as you can.

This time, he cannot brush aside your tone. “Y/N, what is the matter?”

You let him cross the room, you let him stop by your side, you allow him to take your hand and look beseechingly at you. “Did you just speak to Alina?” You ask.

He nods. “Yes, I think she’s nearby. There are things in her room with a Ravkan seal, they must have been sourced locally.”

You choke out a laugh. “You were in her private quarters.”

He has the grace to look ashamed. “I cannot pick where the vision takes me, only when I go to it. You know that.”

You cock your head to the side. “Do I know that? It is what you tell me, yes, but I have no other proof of it.”

Aleksander looks legitimately hurt. “I thought you trusted me, my love. I thought we were past this.”

“We were,” you agree, “but I’ve been thinking. You never told me why you wanted to kill me, you know. Not really. Not in a way that mattered. I was so caught up in getting you back that I didn’t look. I didn’t want to look.”

You pause expectantly, waiting for an answer. Aleksander swallows hard, glancing everywhere in the room but you. Perhaps Hera was right to raise your suspicions. Perhaps you can become just like her someday, checking the face of every woman to pass you by, unable to brush off any interaction as mere triviality. You can use your centuries to grow embittered and afraid, forsaking love for heartless strength. You could let him destroy you.

At last, he takes a deep breath, and answers you. “I was afraid. I had never felt anything half as strong as what I felt for you, and it terrified me. My mother raised me to have no weakness, to never let anyone have a hold on me. That’s how you lose, you know. You love someone and they leave you. They die or they break your heart. I knew that having you taken from me would kill me, and so I sought to remove that part of myself before it could affect me any more than it already had.”

Now that he’s started speaking, the words spill out of him, unable to be contained. You wonder how long he’s held this truth inside, how many times he has repeated it to himself, incapable of mustering up the strength to admit it all to you.

“I spoke this fear aloud once to one of my generals. It was late at night and I was afraid of losing control. That was the conversation you overheard. As I lay awake later, I realized how foolish it was to think such a thing, and I woke up determined to do right by you. That next day, though, you set out on a mission with some of the other scouts, and when they came back, they told me– they told me you were dead.”

His voice breaks off on the last sentence, choked by the memory of that torment. His expression is dark, eyes clouded with a grief that consumed him whole. “I mourned for years. I was never the same. They told me I had become a monster. I faked my death not long after that. They never trusted me again, not in that form, said I had lost my mind. I think they were right. I was nothing without you.”

Aleksander looks up at you again, and you’re shocked by the intensity of the truth written on his face. “I love you, Y/N. I always will. My Hecari. I have done things I regret, and I have been ashamed of them. So long as you are with me, though, I will not let it consume me.”

He stands before you, still as death, waiting for your judgment. You reach your arms forward and embrace him. It is something you have done a thousand times, but somehow now it is worth much more, charged with the pain and fear of centuries of misunderstandings. You cannot see Hera now, in fact you have no idea if she is even here at all, but you still send out a silent thought to her anyway:  you cannot have me yet.

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[aleksanderscult]

Part 5 of Aleksander Morozova being a jealous bitch

Honestly, now that I searched and found his jealousy moments in "Ruin and Rising", I realize how 1000× jealous he is. And that's because he doesn't only have Mal as a love rival but now he also has Prince Nikolai fucking Lantsov (aka our little pookie) to deal with as a competitor for Alina's attention (he really can't get a rest💀).

Let's get it on and witness Aleksander getting more and more feral.

(Part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4 and the bonus content btw💛)

"His Sun Summoner"

He's so possessive please--

Also the fact that Alina threw a chapel on his face and Aleksander being "I want my wife back!😩"

"I'll give you diamonds, pearls and gold, just someone bring her here".

He's soo jealous!

"You chose HiM 😒 not me.😔"

The very thought that Alina keeps going back to a otkazat'sya drives him insane and makes him do rushed decisions.

Also the vibe is so: "AFter YoU RuN FrOm Me AfTeR YoU ChOsE😠🤮

*coughs and composes himself*

So yeah anyway we could have ruled together😊"

He's so embittered with them. The fact that they are so close to her and he is not.

(Now he also calls Nikolai names LMAO)

And the fact that even though Nikolai can make Alina a Queen and a powerful one, the Darkling is still NOT satisfied with it. He wants to be the one sitting beside her. Not a royal bastard who betrayed him and now opposes him.

Also, he doesn't consider Nikolai worthy of the throne. The fact that he calls him "pup" shows that he considers him young, inexperienced and foolish (and also hints at his illegitimate birth).

He believes that Alina is above these men.

THIS MOMENT IS GOLD

Let's take it from the beginning.

He can't understand how she keeps falling for mortals (Mal and Nikolai) and he seems genuinely baffled by it. It would seem more logical if she felt attraction for him. A powerful Grisha with immortality (aka. someone like her). But no, she chooses men that are nothing. That will soon die.

As if he didn't have relationships with otkazat'sya.

The also genuine surprise when Alina tells him that he liked him at the beginning LMAO

He's like: "Me? You liked me🥺?"

And the fact that Alina keeps surprising him makes her more desirable for him. He likes it.

Yes, basically here he's like: "DO I SENSE A FONDNESS FOR HIM??"

He's so possessive. The moment a living being shows interest for Alina, it's over for that bitch. And the moment Alina shows interest for another man, it's also over for that bitch.

(Also, he just refuses to speak the names of the men that he feels jealousy for. Now Nikolai is "that Lantsov pup", "your Lantsov prince". When someone tries to be close to Alina, he writes them off lmao)

Finally, here he is testing to see if she cares about him. And the fact that he smiled while saying that line says to me that he had already decided how to punish Nikolai. But now that Alina likes Nikolai, not only is his fate irrevocably sealed but the Darkling knows that Alina will be in pain for what comes next. And he will enjoy seeing that.

He's like: "You like him? Just wait and see what I'll do to him."

Yeah okay he might try to provoke her here BUT HE WANTS TO KNOW

Yes, Nikolai has kissed Alina and the Darkling knows this but have they slept together?? Has that Lantsov prince made her his?? He doesn't know. He suspects it. And the thought alone makes him punish Nikolai in a fitting way. Turn him into a bloodthirsty monster and these two will never be together again. Perfect.

And next he pulls her heartstrings. What will happen to Mal?? Will he stay devoted to her even if Alina marries Nikolai? He tries to put doubts in her mind and break their bond.

(You bet your asses that Aleksander is also jealous of Mal's future position. He wants to be at Alina's feet too🫠).

OKAY BUT HERE I NEED MORE CLARIFICATION FROM THE AUTHOR.

Why did his fingers tightened on the edge of the table?? What was his thinking, Leigh?? Give us his POV!!

Obviously he tries not to show anything (as usual) but still his emotions get the better of him and I have two theories of why he reacted that way.

1) Because she mentioned Mal. And even the mere mention of that name makes him choke blood.

2) Because of the reminder that if he appeared as he truly was at Alina, she would turn him away. A fact which hurted him and still hurts him to know. (Kinda reminds you of that moment in "Shadow and Bone" when Alina flinched from his touch, huh?😉😏). Every time Alina avoids him, his presence, his touch, it hurts him and drives him crazy.

He wants her to want him. As he is. Without Aleksander having to wear the face of an otkazat'sya.

It might be one of these theories, both of them or none of them (although personally I would bet it's the second one)

Also, his curiosity to know if Mal is the one Alina still wants. I believe he already knows the answer deep down. But still he tests her.

The jealousy. The bitterness. The sarcasm.

Three things that he displays so openly here.

The disdain he spits on the line "Fly back home to your otkazat'sya. Hold him tight" is so prevalent you can hear it through the freaking paper.

He is furious that she rejected his advances a moment ago. Furious that she keeps doing this to him but still she doesn't do that to her tracker.

Oh no no....To her tracker she is willing and loving. To him she is not.

It gives the vibe of "You don't let me touch you or kiss you. You keep pushing me back. So go back to that mortal and hold him if he's the one you want😡"

Random but I believe him when he says that he had regretted many things he had to do in this war. He didn't take pleasure when he killed Grisha. To him they are kin. People to protect.

But back to his jealous ass, he doesn't give a fuck for what he's about to do to Nikolai. He wants to punish him and torture him for:

1) Betraying him in "Siege and Storm"

2) Taking Alina away from him

3) Kissing Alina

4) Proposing marriage to Alina

5) Being a thorn at his side while he ruled as King ('cause Nikolai put him obstacles etc.)

6) Hiding Alina from him

So. Four out of six reasons were about Alina LMAO. Jealous bitch.

Here, ladies and gentlemen, he piqued his possessive side.

He wants to cut off anything Alina knows. Anything and anyone she loves. So the only person she'll have to turn to for company, protection and love will be him. Only him and no one else.

He knows that Alina depends too much over the ones she loves. And as long as they are alive, he cannot have her completely. So what is his great plan?

KILL THEM ALL.

Yeah. Not a great plan but anyway.

That's it! This is the end of this amazing (and petty) meta of the Darkling's jealousy moments. It really took five parts of this to finish (his salty moments are innumerable). It was really fun for me and hope you liked it too!

(but I might post some bonus content from RoW👀)

If you want me to write any other meta about him, Alina or their relationship then just ask😉

[where-theres-smoak-2]

This was a small Darklina moment, but I liked when Aleks compared Alina to his shadow soldiers (Sorry, I can't spell their name) due to their mutual unpredictability, and there was a fond little smile on his face. I've always said that one of the things that Aleks found most alluring about Alina was her ability to surprise him. He's lived for centuries, so I think most people tend to bore him. Even his loyal followers probably all seem like a stagnant homogeneous group with the way they never question him or challenge him. That's great for minions, but it definitely doesn't make life interesting. Alina was the passionate and impulsive little saint that made him feel young again. Even fighting with her is thrilling for Aleks because she always gives as good as she gets.

I'm just here thinking about their first kiss and his 'not many people surprise me miss starkov' line now. But yes definitely agree with you there I do think one thing he found alluring about Alina is her ability to surprise him and that is probably really refreshing to him. I mean he has lived such a long time that he likely has alot of knowledge on human behaviour and can likely always guess what someone is going to do next because he would have picked up on certain behavioural patterns, he's probably the world's best body language expert and behaviouralist. As a result he is also always several steps ahead of everyone else around him. Also living such a long life must get boring real quick, just think of the monotony, the faces and the names all blurring together as time goes on. Plus as you said so many of the people in his life at that time were soldiers who would never question or challenge him, I do still think he cared about his grisha, particularly those who were the outcasts but I also think he didn't let himself get too attached because of how many of them would die. It was easier for him to do what he could for them but to remain distant, but that is a very lonely existence. Then comes Alina and right from the beginning she is unpredictable and unexpected. Even from her age, I don't think he was expecting the sun summoner to be an adult for one. I also don't think he expected to find her in the first army cartography unit either. But also from their first meeting she was challenging him, when he asks 'so?' her response is 'so what' before realising she was being insubordinate and adding the sir. She does it again later when presented to the queen when she says she doesn't actually speak shu. I think it was this passionate spirit and her impulse that Aleks was intrigued by and drawn to. I think he also liked her fighting spirit she wasn't meek with him, she would tell him what she was truly thinking. I think another good example is when they are in the field in 1x02 and he begins explaining how she with some training and amplification she could tear down the fold and she interrupts him with a very stern 'no'. I just loved Aleks' reaction to that because you could tell he hadn't heard that word in a while. Yet instead of being angry he seemed kind of thrilled.

You can see his initial surprise and how unexpected her answer was to him, then he gets this curious look in his eyes and this kind of thrilled smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. He clearly finds her fascinating.

I think the fact that Alina does often challenge and fight against him only reinforces in his mind that she is his equal.