#Alastor is confused

[roselemari]

It's adorable to think about Alastor's shadow having a crush on the king. Picture it awkwardly apologizing for its master's behavior, while Alastor stands there, completely baffled, asking, "What are you doing?" The shadow, in turn, gives him a look that says, "What are you doing? You're messing up my chances!"

[sassy-radio-hazbin-queen]

Angel dust and Alastor are just chilling in Husks bar.

Angel" Hey Al I've always been curious, what's your sexuality"?

Alastor ( spits out drink) " Excuse me, my WHAT NOW"?!

Angel" You know who you prefer to fuck and date".

Alastor " Uh I I don't know exactly I've never heard of such a word. I mean in my time it was man married woman and vica versa".

Angel" Yeah times have changed bud, that's called Straight. Or Heterosexual. But there's lots more".

Alastor confused. " Say what now"?

Angel nods. " Yep, there's Gay which is me or Homosexual, Bisexual, like Charlie Lesbian like Vaggie Asexual, and even Pansexual like Husk and-

Alastor interrupts" STOP HOLD IT.

Angel stops.

Alastor " ok let me see hear, We Got the Heteros, The gay ones, doesn't Gay mean happy". He blinks" Well that explains a lot about you".

Angel" Actually it's the Crack that makes me Happy, Gay just means a guy that likes other guys".

Alastor" Crack" raised eyebrow.

Angel" A conversation for later Bambi".

Alastor " Anyway , Charlie is Attracted to people that Say Bye Alot. Weird thing. Vaggie is well I thought Lesbian was a country"?

Angel burst out Laughing. " Oh my wait till Vaggie finds out 😂"

Alastor " I'm guessing Asexual means a very sexual Person. All those are weird. But. A PERSON ATRACTED TO PAN WHAT THE FUCK. HUSK BETTER STAY OUT OF MY KITCHEN"!

Husk who had been listening. " A bit too late for that boss".

Alastor stares at husk. Angel smirks. " Oh yeah we creamed the place". 😏

Alastor is horrified. " THATS IT NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN THE KITCHEN YOU FREAKS"!.

Lucifer comes in with Pancakes. " Hey who wants Pancakes"?

Alastor freaks out. " AAHHH DONT TOUCH THOSE PANCAKES"! throws the pancakes

This results in an argument between Alastor and Lucifer.

Husk" So are you going to tell him what those sexualities actually mean orrrr"?

Angel eating popcorn " And miss the latest Radioapple drama hell no".

Husk takes some popcorn " You know what your right. This is far more educational".

And so Alastor never got to find out what Sexualities actually are. But Vaggie did laugh her ass off after finding out he thought Lesbian was a country

[goldsnek]

Mixed signals! 😋

(This all started with my buddy @/K1NGKYO on X suggesting Al's first sentence and we had fun with it o´∀`o )

[nouverx]

*proceeds to drink the whole bottle*

Yeah Alastor you're gonna be loved and appreciated wether you want it or not :)

[greykolla-art]

I love friendships where you can just accidentally kiss the other person.🪻

[sunlit-mess]

greeting

[hazbingirliexoxo]

*sees Alastor and Vox arguing*

Gen!Z reader: Gurl bye, it’s giving enemies to lovers😭✋

*arguing stops*

Alastor: 😃???

Vox: ..It’s giving WHAT?!🤬

[lucdoodle]

a lil animatic about Vox and Alastor (song: "Obsessed With You" by The Orion Experience)

[ruleroftheimps]

Stupid concept, but basically, the Vees decide to make a website under a fake name that sells stuff that's 'stolen' from them for all the degenerate freaks in Hell that are obsessed with them because they are THE media personality in Hell and need for money to make up for Val's plug arrangement. Basically, they list random stuff and have people bid for them. Mostly it's just weird stuff, like Val's floof or Velvette's hair, but they also each have something unique to them. Valentino contributes... stuff (and drawings!), Velvette does clothes that's just so out of date but still looks amazing, and Vox doesn't have much. Just some old clothes and blueprints that nobody will care about, and a ratty old shark Velvette bullied him into giving her to sell when he was high because she's sick of it.

Oh, wait.

Anyways, cue Vox crying about his shark nonstop for the next few days, before everybody gets caught off guard by it selling for over a million dollars- and there's only one bidder. Vox gets even more miserable because now there's no way Velvette's ever going to apologize or feel even remotely guilty, and the other Vees are trying to find out what just happened.

Meanwhile, Alastor has a new plush friend. <3

[voodoodaaddy]

"What in blue blazes....I'm going to EAT you."

<3 The Radio Demon

"Look out Lulu! Alastor is mine! I wrote him a song~"

(lol) @voodoodaaddy

[radvelvetcakez]

Lucifer: Hi. Charlie: Hey, did you do what I said? Did you tell him? Lucifer: I did. Charlie: And what did he say? Lucifer: “Thank you.” Charlie: You’re totally welcome. What’d he say? Lucifer: He said, “Thank you.” I said “I love you” and Alastor said, “Thank you.”

[roselemari]

Enochian is the language of angels, and I think it’d be hilarious if, during an argument with Alastor, Lucifer got so mad that he switched to it mid-rant. Now, he’s just roasting Alastor in this completely incomprehensible language. Alastor stands there, baffled, along with everyone else wearing the same confused expression—except for Charlie, who’s cringing with every insult her dad hurls, fully understanding everything.

[voidyellingtime]

headcannon/projection that alastor is the same kind of asexual I am where there is virtually no romantic love but you CAN recieve “kiss the homies goodnight” status in friendship

i am not in love with you, but I will tuck you into bed and kiss your forehead and play with your hair until you fall to sleep if you are one of my Favorite Friends

this leans into the idea of misguided-onesided radiostatic, because Alastor will straighten Vox’s tie and give him a cheek kiss for good luck/the bit and Vox just shortcuts “oh fuck he’s giving more affection that he has to anyone ever, so YES this is reciprocated”

[that-hazbin]

Slightly spicy hellradio idea where Alastor finds out they're transfem.

Lilith says something around the lines of Alastor "moaning like a girl" and it becomes IMMEDIATELY apparent that Alastor very much likes that. It escalates to saying things like "good girl," "aw, she's bashful," and "she's wet for you."

At first, Lilith and Lucifer think it's just a kink thing. But then they catch Alastor admiring themself in the mirror while wearing a pretty dress they got for a scene. The tiny, shy, happy smile on Alastor's face while they shift back and forth, tugging on a strand of their hair. It's a private little moment that they probably weren't meant to see, but they did.

Lilith and Lucifer try to test the waters— they don't know if Alastor even knows what transgender means, and knowing Al, they won't have the patience to sit down and listen to a lecture about modern labels.

The Morningstars start off small. Or, at least what THEIR version of small would be. Lilith asking Alastor to shop for some dresses with her. Lucifer calling Alastor his wife— Lucifer what the fuck are you thinking that is NOT starting off small like we agreed—

Alastor eventually asks what's going on. Not that they're upset with the newest development, being treated like a lady is quite nice actually! But, well, they can't help but be a little confused as to where this came from.

Since Alastor is the one asking, it's much easier to actually explain their suspicions without Alastor immediately rejecting the modernity of the language.

Alastor didn't know she could just decide to be a woman if she wanted to. Or that it's more socially acceptable now than it would have been in the past.

She's definitely going to grow her hair out past her chin now. She don't gotta abide by male hairstyles any longer!

[nouverx]

Today I offer you Alastor with a little hat. Tomorrow? Who knows

[sunlit-mess]

im going insane