#Aileuromania vs words

[aileuromania]

The State of the Aile

I’ve been thinking of revamping my character page; GW2 characters, at least. I need to do something to encourage words again, and those characters all have these stories and inspirations that I’ve never managed to tell. So if by some miracle I manage to start posting these, I hope you’ll forgive me the spam.

I’ve been so stressed lately; there’s a lot of politics and management manipulations that have been doing my head in at work , I’m starting to feel the way I did when I left the library all those years ago. My anxiety is squeezing my head in a vice, and my sleep isn’t terrific. I’m starting to make mistakes at work as well, which sets off all kinds of downward spirals.

Also, mental note: no matter how much your brain wants to wallow in horror-y things before bed, Aile, don’t. It just raises your anxiety to the point where sleep becomes impossible. Stick with the relaxing ones instead. You know how The Magnus Archives sets you off.

[aileuromania]

I need to get back into the swing of writing again, even if it’s just twiddles. I haven’t felt inspired to actually put words together in years, and I miss it. I have so many characters, so many realms and ideas in my mind, but I haven’t had the ability to write.

I need to fix this.

[aileuromania]

I am on the verge of writing something new, but how do I make myself actually do it? It doesn’t help that it’s borne of a past friendship that ended miserably, so I’m worried about it becoming too bitter and too easily identifiable.

But damn it, I want to become the magical librarian I keep seeing in my mind instead of this useless lump.

[aileuromania]

This one is probably going to flop so hard they’ll feel the reverberations back in Melbourne, but the brief said to express yourself. So bottlebrush, blackblackblack, and a fly agaric mushroom it is. La la la la la laaaaa…

I amuse myself.

Oh, and before I forget, for the first time in a couple of years, I actually managed to squeeze out a couple of paragraphs! Ye gods and little fishies. I hope I can write more before the mood passes.

[aileuromania]

Someone recently “liked” one of my old writings, reminding me of its existence and inspiring me to read it again.

All I have to say is: how the hell did I used to write like that? These days I can barely frame a story in terms of “he said then she did then said more stuff.” When did I lose the art of writing characters’ inner lives?

[aileuromania]

I poked a bit at a BlueGrey work I’ve had sitting here for literal years tonight. Now I am reading through the old works and am drowning in feels.

[aileuromania]

Well, staring at a blank G-Drive document all night has given me a headache.

Imma goin’ ta bed.

[aileuromania]

I sat down to write some more prompts. Instead I am scrolling through Tumblr. *sigh* I am so lazy. Or, to be kinder, so easily distractable.

[aileuromania]

Would people be interested if I blathered about my original story/world here? I am looking for ways to encourage myself to pull my finger out and actually do it, and maybe making posts about it might help. If not, i can do the same on my writing blog.

[aileuromania]

Original world goals

I’ll put this behind a cut so it’s not cluttering up your dash, nor immediately visible except on mobile. Boo, mobile.

For a long time now I’ve wanted to write a subversion of the typical two-guys-and-one-girl-who-will-win-her-heart trope, where people and even readers see it as such, but it turns out to be something very different.

I’ve been trying to write a fantasy world since my mid-teens, but now my goal is more to make it more of an urban style of thing, set in the days where industrialism was in ascendance but hadn’t quite taken over everything quite yet.

I also wanted it to have a sci-fi twist to an old fantasy staple, where there are “faeries” and spirits, but aren’t quite. Or they are, but are explained as something a bit more scientific and [perhaps?] mundane. Though there’s nothing really mundane about these creatures who can make pocket universes and are non-linear in time.

These things are hopefully going to be covered in Victorian Illusions. At least, my world building so far has provided opportunities to do this.

[aileuromania]

It's strange, really, that I can only seem to make fictional and original words go after I have posted a spleen vent at my family over on my "therapy" blog. I guess yelling at them actually is good for shaking some things loose.

[aileuromania]

I s'pose I’d better go put on some pants. Words don’t happen until the writer is comfortable.

Me, just now

[aileuromania]

Today I feel like I am shoveling shit from a sitting position (thank you, Stephen King, for the delightful metaphor there), but at least I’m shoveling.

Every day I’m shovelin’...

[aileuromania]

I wrote today. I think it's crap and it's unfinished, but I wrote.

[aileuromania]

Blanque

I am sitting at my computer, staring blankly at the equally blank page. I want to keep listening to my true crime podcasts, I don’t feel like listening to music, but I also want to write and thanks to the conversation resounding in my headphones, I cannot think of words. In fact, my mind is mostly blank as well.

Words. Argh.

[aileuromania]

Also it’s very hard to write when you have a cat demanding your attention. Thank goodness I have headphones on  or else I’d be totally distracted by the constant MROWs I see him mouthing at me.