#Aileuromania gets personal

[aileuromania]

I’m trying to craft again. Whilst my sweet Lordi may be gone, Lanai has taken pride of place under the lap hoop.

[stitchnstuff]

It’s not a day-glo alien wearing funky sunglasses, but after pulling an all-nighter after having done a day of gardening (read: killing maple suckers in the front garden patch) and driving and talking to other people (I popped over to the tea house to pick up a mug the owner wanted to give me), it kind of looks like it.

I’m hoping I’ll finally be tired enough to actually sleep within an hour of putting my head on the pillow. smh

[aileuromania]

Husband has been on a major health kick of late, and has lost a pile of weight. Me, on the other hand; well, just guess which I am.

He’s both skipping and not skipping leg day. 

[catpella]

RULES: answer 30 questions and tag 10 blogs you are contractually obligated to know

Nicknames: cat, Capella, Cap, Cappie, cat no

Blood type: AB+

Height: 5'4 or 5'5 depending on if I'm slumping

Time:  2:36 PM

Fave Bending Element: Water

Birthday:  3 Feb

How many bees can you fit in you mouth:  Zero (and why is this a question?)

Music:  I've bee on The Biggest J-Pop craze lately; Ayumi Hamasaki, Utada Hikaru, Kiroro, Do As Infinity, hit me up if you're a weeb and want a random fav j-pop song in your askbox

In what year did you get your driver’s license: I don't have one because of that no-depth-perception only-half-use-of-one-eye thing. I ride the bus.

How many steak knives do you own: I don't know if we have a designated steak knives, we just have one of those blocks o knife and IDK what's in there.

What’s your favourite movie genre: sci-fi and fantasy

Why did you create your blog?: Because I noticed post LJ a lot of the fandom stuff moved to Tumblr instead of Dreamwidth (but personally I wish we'd all gone there)

On a scale of one to seventeen, how much do you love star wars?: 17! It's not my oldest or most favorite fandom but it's in my top 5.

Last thing you googled?: rootstock cider

Other blogs?: I've got a few dedicated Tumblr sideblogs for people who follow me for just 1 thing. Myst content is: @thedeepcity  SWTOR content is:  @sunfall-legacy and I should make a GW2 specific one... I’m also catpella on Dreamwidth.

AO3: Capella 

Do you get asks?: I get usually at least one per meme I reblog but I'm shit at answering all of them so I wouldn't be surprised if people stopped sending me things cause I don't fulfill them...

How did you get the idea for your URL?: so my online handle from the time I was 10 was Capella (like the star) but it was usually taken lots of places so someone was like “well you're a cat so make it cat-pella” and I was like “that's fuckin' great let's do it”

I follow: 167 tumblrs

Followers: 357 tumblrs

Fave star wars species: This is an unfair question as I love so many. I guess I'm going to say Twi'lek because I loved my Twi'lek purple staff saber lady from my 500 hours of Jedi Academy multiplayer days from HS… runner-ups were Zabrak and Togruta.

Most complicated word you can spell without having to look it up: Shit, I don't know, probably a dinosaur name. I once won the 8th grade spelling bee in my county because the prompt was “a dinosaur called the shark lizard” and it was Carcharondontosaurus  

Swords or Guns: I like the sword aesthetic

What are you wearing?: cargo pants, a fuzzy sweater. Probably changing back into Star Wars fuzzy pajamas  soon.

Fave cuddly toy: my large stuffed dolphin named Elara, twin to the giant stuffed dolphin at my mom's house which I named Rachel

How are you doing today?: Bit sore from shoveling out the drvieway.

What colour should Sabine’s hair be in the final season of Rebels?: I don't watch Rebels so I don't really have an opinion

Tea or coffee or other: I drink tea a lot more because I can drink it all of the time (black teas in the mornings for caffeine, rooibos teas in the evenings for decaf), but I do like coffee and espresso from years working in a coffee-shop job!

Are you always cold or always hot?: Always cold. Though since I've started T I've warmed up some, weirdly?

Tagging: @kotorswtor @droukhunter @karanan @kotorswtor @bitsypookums @aileuromania @krahka @bunnyiscthulhu

 (but nobody has to if they don’t want)

[starrypawz]

aileuromania replied to your post: Fun fact a lot of like ‘motivational’ and...

I read somewhere that people who have low self esteem and/or depression issues tend to not react well to positive affirmations and those cheery and trite posters. I know it was certainly true for me. I’d try the “positive affirmation in the mirror” thing and snort derisively, as of course it didn’t apply to me. I dunno, just thought I’d share that.

Yeah like I mean some work, like those 'positive animal' doodles you get on here and like 'Calming Manatee' I remember I used to quite like (But I've not seen that in forever) and some other stuff I see seems to help and some stuff I see on tumblr.

But I guess I find things more 'true' if it's 'The person who made this has probably gone through some stuff too' like I guess it's like 'Ok I am likely to believe it from this person' but yeah a lot of 'generic' affirmation/motivation stuff it's like 'huh yeah whatevs'

Like for example there's stuff from Bojack Horseman and it was like 'Ah yes this is good, yes good' probably because 'This is a cartoon but like it actually seems real'

[aileuromania]

One of my favourite residents moved into long term care today as their state is deteriorating beyond our capacity to help them. I didn’t see them go as as I wasn’t scheduled to work and didn’t want to lie to them (they hadn’t been told they were moving as they have been reacting violently recently), even if they would have forgotten quickly. But I’m going to miss them, even though they were slipping away in front of us anyway. I said my goodbyes yesterday, even if they didn’t know that.

As they always told me, “Getting old’s for the birds.” Life’s not worth living if you end up… not you anymore.

[aileuromania]

If you want us to be on call to take shifts when others call in sick, pay us like we’re on call.

They literally don’t pay me enough to answer those calls.

[aileuromania]

Bridgerton Blah Blah

The latest (half) season of Bridgerton is so relatable to me. I’ve always related to Penelope Featherington, being a fat girl wallflower never even being considered as anyone’s possible match, her merits being overlooked because of how she is perceived. It really hit close to home.

It gets a bit spoilery from here, but relatively mildly.

From her mother saying, “At least you’ll always be here to take care of me,” to Pen asking her friend for a kiss because she firmly believes she’ll die never having experiencing that… yeah. Been there, done that. It’s amazing how society tells you just how worthless you are without them even being aware of it. But you get the message, loud and clear.

I’m looking forward to the second half, and dread the drama that’s about to ensue thanks to certain past choices the characters have made.

[aileuromania]

I interrupt my planned character posts with this announcement - Fall Out Boy is coming to play a music festival not too far from me! I don’t know the price nor how I’d cope at a huge event like this, but to quote one of my favourite songs of theirs (and the song that they played as their Magic 8-Ball selection at their Toronto show), Oh hell yes!

[aileuromania]

The State of the Aile

I’ve been thinking of revamping my character page; GW2 characters, at least. I need to do something to encourage words again, and those characters all have these stories and inspirations that I’ve never managed to tell. So if by some miracle I manage to start posting these, I hope you’ll forgive me the spam.

I’ve been so stressed lately; there’s a lot of politics and management manipulations that have been doing my head in at work , I’m starting to feel the way I did when I left the library all those years ago. My anxiety is squeezing my head in a vice, and my sleep isn’t terrific. I’m starting to make mistakes at work as well, which sets off all kinds of downward spirals.

Also, mental note: no matter how much your brain wants to wallow in horror-y things before bed, Aile, don’t. It just raises your anxiety to the point where sleep becomes impossible. Stick with the relaxing ones instead. You know how The Magnus Archives sets you off.

[aileuromania]

4 days ago I decided to do a rewatch of The Expanse. I have the time as I’ve been off work on stress leave for the last month and I finally got tired of my comfort watch of Glow Up: Britain’s Next Make-Up Star on constant repeat. Except when I sleep, as I still find it oddly soothing.

Here I am 4 days later, already in season 6 and wishing there was more. I stopped reading the books at Persepolis Rising as I loathe big time jump stories - ever since the Dragonlance Chronicles did that third trilogy just to kill off their original characters, I’ve loathed them. Yes, Episodes VII, VIII, and IX unfortunately reinforced this.

But I want to know how this story ends, damn it, even if I know I’m going to bawl, or at least come out the other end feeling like a wrung out rag. After all, this series is all about sacrifice and learning the difference between what is right and what is good, right?

Why do I get the feeling I’ll come back after reading the books and facepalm mightily at that last statement?

ETA after I actually got a little sleep: a/ wow, I was rabbiting on, wasn’t I? b/ I think I posted something similar to this the last time I got to the end of The Expanse and still haven’t read the last three books, so Present Me will believe it when Future Me sees it.

[aileuromania]

I get the feeling she wants something… it’s breakfast time.

[aileuromania]

TW: animal death.

We had to have my sweet boy, Lordi, put to sleep yesterday. They’d palpated a mass in his abdomen and he was labouring to breathe. He’d stopped eating a few days ago and the weight just melted off him. It was a kindness, but ye gods it was hard to say goodbye. He was 17 and a half. He died in my arms.

I had a work shift yesterday afternoon, which I tried to call out of as I was a mess. They could only cover me for an hour. An hour. I told them not to bother and I’d come in at the regular time, but I was so resentful. I did the bare minimum, cried a lot, and clocked out exactly on time as a subtle “fuck you.” Normally I leave 10-30 minutes late as I hate leaving things undone, but fuck ‘em. You only pay me until 8, so I’m leaving at 8. My boss wasn’t even there when I got to my shift. Coward.

But my boys are back together again, one way or another. Lordi is going to be put into a silver heart pendant, like the dragonfly one I have for Tan-Tan.

I have to get ready to go to work soon, but I am a very sullen potato right now.

[aileuromania]

My work is having a Western themed dress up day. This is about as close as I can get.

[aileuromania]

27th June 2022

I don’t generally make or believe in New Years resolutions, but for this year I had two goals - to get a job, and to become a member of the local library service.

As of today, I have achieved both. I did it all by myself, too. I didn’t get husband to drive me or anything. I can now borrow things as well as buy them.

Project Peeping-Out-Of-My-Shell continues apace.

[aileuromania]

Argh! Can someone please tell my brain that we’re not stupid, we haven’t made a tonne of mistakes, and we’re not going to get fired? I’m tired of the depression and anxiety yelling at me and it’s hard to keep fighting it off.