#Ah yes. So very funny. I am having A Big Laugh. Ha ha

[moongothic]

The funny thing about crocodile being such a loner is that in nature crocodiles THRIVE when other species trust them in symbiotic relationships

[sorceresssundries]

Until We Wake

Pairing: Gale/Tav

Warnings: Talk of death, afterlife, angst.

Word Count: 1000 words

A/N - I wanted to try and write something different, and move away from my usual overly-descriptive style.

I hope you like it <3

You are dead.

It was easy in the end. Like taking off a coat you’d been wearing too long.

There’s no confusion. You know you are dead, and it’s okay…Was okay? Is okay? Time is strange here. Slippery.

You are sitting at the edge of a great lake. Well, not really sitting, not really by a lake, but that’s how it feels. There is no sunshine, but you can feel the warmth of it on your—skin? No, not skin. There isn’t any skin. There isn’t a body at all. You just… are.

It’s nice, actually.

“God?” A voice, though not a voice, fills the space around you.

“Erm, no. Sorry. There may be one around somewhere, though,” you reply.

You sense a kind of exasperation.

“No,” it says, more insistently. “Which God is yours? Who did you worship?”

“Oh!” That’s funny. If you had lungs, you would laugh. “I didn’t really worship one.”

The silence that follows is heavy.

You’ve probably given the wrong response and are now going to drift here for eternity in silence. That doesn’t seem so bad. There’s peace in it.

“But, uh, I felt close to Selûne. I knew her daughter, actually. Aylin? I saved her once—no, twice! From an eternal cycle of ritual torture and sacrifice. Twice!” You pause, waiting for the weight of your heroism to settle in. “Can you write that down? Are you writing things down? I don’t really know how this works.”

“I am not writing things down.”

“Right. Okay.”

More time passes—seconds, hours, centuries. It is hard to tell. If experience has taught you anything, it’s that you should probably be a little hesitant about listening to mysterious entities who appear in your unconsciousness. But, for whatever reason, you have no doubt that you’re safe.

“Who are you?” you ask.

“Nobody.”

“Oh.” Another eternal pause. “Sorry, I don’t know what that means. I know you don’t have a body. I don’t either. What I meant to ask is... what’s your purpose here?”

“To help”

“Ah.” You think about that. It feels distant, though, like the thought isn’t entirely yours. “Can Withers bring me back? He usually does.”

“No. Not this time.”

That’s alright, you realise. Everything ends.

“Can you tell me how you died?” the voice continues, unhurried.

If sadness existed here, you would feel it.

“I failed somebody. I couldn’t convince him he was deserving enough to live. He sacrificed himself. I stayed with him.”

“Gale Dekarios,” comes the response. Even now, even here, the sound of his name warms you.

“Yes! That’s him! Have you met him? Is he here too?”

“He is not.”

You pause, a moment of confusion or relief, it’s hard to say. Perhaps he’s with Mystra.

He had followed her order, hadn't he? He had used the orb. Perhaps he was cradled back in her starlit palm. Perhaps he was finally fulfilled.

“He’s probably with his Goddess,” you say, matter-of-factly.

“He forgot his Goddess. At the end, he thought only of you.”

Right. He had said something like that once. On a boat he had built out of hope and stardust. It felt like a lifetime ago. You wish you had said more to him—something different. You should have been more convincing, made him see he was more than magic, more than martyrdom. He was kind. Funny. So very human.

Not anymore.

“Will I see him again?”

“Maybe”

This voice that’s not a voice is not hugely helpful. It feels distant. Somehow big and small. Like many voices, or none, all at the same time.

“I let him down,” you whisper, though no sound leaves you.

“He forgives you.”

What do they know of Gale? This mysterious spectre. Maybe it’s just your own thoughts, your desperation, trying to clutch at forgiveness. Maybe death has splintered you into fragments of yourself whispering back and forth. Maybe the afterlife is nothing more than talking to yourself in the quiet, with no one left to answer. A conversation in circles, where you are both the call and the response.

“You loved him" they say. It isn't a question.

“I did. I do. I always will.”

It's lucky you don't have a heart. It would be in splinters.

“Would you like to try again?” The voice offers.

Your thoughts pause, grasping at the idea. “You mean, go back? To the start? Is that possible?”

“Sometimes. Under certain circumstances.”

A chance to try again. At what? Saving Gale? Having a better life? A better death? Eventually finding your way back to this place, with no regrets holding you back?

You would like that.

“Will I remember this?”

“No.”

“Will he?”

“No.”

You could have had this conversation hundreds of times before, or perhaps it is the first and only. It is impossible to know.

“Ok. Yes, please.”

You can feel the pieces of yourself starting to come apart, like threads of a tapestry being unspooled by the oldest and gentlest of hands.

You reach out for those delicate, golden threads on instinct, but they slip away, and it is hard to know whether you are letting go of them or they are letting go of you.

Scratch the Dog. Karlach’s laughter. Night Orchids. Sunlight on scarred skin. Homemade cookies. Gale. Magic. A kiss.

You try to hold them tighter.

“How do I know I won’t make the same mistakes all over again?” you ask.

“You don’t,” the voice that wasn’t a voice says.

A silver sword. A man with horns dancing. Pipe smoke and bear fur. Taverns and temples and soft touches. Gale.

You’re trying to hold so many of them, you have to let others go. What is your name again? How old are you? Who were your parents?

Moonlight through shadow. A boat on make-believe water. A hand in yours. A purple dagger.

“Will I still be me?” You’re no longer sure what that means.

“That depends.”

The lake that wasn’t a lake, the warmth that wasn’t the sun, all of it begins to fade. You feel yourself pulled away, or maybe pulled together. You aren’t sure which—you just know you’re going somewhere, somewhen.

The voice speaks a final time as everything ends. As everything begins.

“Who are you?”

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Home Away From Home 2

Warnings: non/dubcon, jealousy, mentions of loss, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Loki, Peter Parker (tall!reader)

Summary: You’ve been friends with the Odinsons since childhood. After years of separation, you reunite on Midgard after the destruction of Asgard, but find yourself caught between your old and new lives. 

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

“That was so cool when you threw me,” Peter nearly hops to keep up with you. He might be small but he is fast. He is big in spirit. “And then I hit that guy with the elbow drop. Just like Macho Man.” 

“Macho Man?” You repeat curiously. “He is a friend of yours?” 

“Ha, no,” he shakes his head. “He was a wrestler. Real famous.” 

“A wrestler? I wrestle too! In Asgard, we always do so after a big feast.” You explain. 

“Really? Like you have a ring?” He asks. 

“Ring?” 

“Yeah, like where would you wrestle?” 

“On the floor...” you squint at him. His hair is still tussled and he still wears his funny red suit. 

“Mm,” he hums and nods. “You wrestled Thor?" 

“Oh, many times but he is a difficult adversary.” 

“What about Loki?” He wonders. 

“Once or twice, but only when he imbibed overly much. He thinks it’s unseemly,” you say. “Though I think it is because he doesn’t like to lose.” 

“Probably,” Peter snorts. “Would you wrestle me?” 

It’s your turn to laugh, “that’s very amusing to think of but I think we are outmatched.” 

“I can hold my own. You’ve seen me fight,” he argues. 

“Yes, I have, which is why I am deferring,” you say. “I’m afraid I’m known for my brute strength rather than my speed. I couldn’t keep up with you, dor-dígull.” 

“Hm, okay, well, I guess you’ve never seen Midgardian wrestling, have you?” He asks. 

“No, I haven’t.” 

“Ooh, I can show you my favourite matches,” he chimes excitedly. “I bet they're way more flashy than your Asgardian ones.” 

“Show me?” 

“Yeah, I have the videos. You know, we have wrestling shows,” he explains. 

“Ah, yes, the living pictures. I want to see it.” You agree. 

“Awesome. How about tonight? I’ll get us snacks.” He offers. 

You stop and face him. The rest of the team goes about their business without notice. You’re happy that they don’t seem to mind you. Especially since Thor couldn’t be there. Peter helped you feel a little less out of place. 

“Tonight,” you agree with a coy look.  

You don’t know much about Midgardians but you’ve been learning and you think you know what he’s asking. You’re not appalled at the idea. You’re even a bit flattered. He might not be built like an Asgardian but he is formidable nonetheless. 

“I’ll text you,” he grins. 

“And I will try to respond to your text,” you affirm. 

“Awesome!” He exclaims then calms himself, smoothing his hair. “You know, it’ll, uh, be fun.” 

“I’m certain it will,” you nod. “I should go report back to my people.” 

“Tell Thor I said hi? Oh, and Loki too,” he says. 

“Certainly,” you agree. You leave him as he runs after the blond-haired Captain and the man with the dark mop on his head and the black metal arm.  

You can’t deny your own excitement. Since Asgard turned to cinder and you became a refugee, since even before that, you’ve not had much opportunity to indulge in anything careless. You could do with a release. 

You weave your way through the tower. It hasn’t lost its shine. Everything is sleek and refined in that Midgardian fashion. And the people in their straight-cut clothing and tall shoes are amusing. You might go and find some of those for yourself. 

As you come into the lobby, a green flicker limns the edge of your vision.

You sigh, “Loki, where’ve you been?” You ask. 

“I assure you I've been doing more important things than playing games with Midgardian pretenders,” Loki drones. 

“We did good, Loki. We helped people in a big sandy place called Ar-i-zon-a,” you pronounce it deliberately. “You needn’t be bitter.” 

“I’m not bitter. You always were so presumptuous. You act as if you know me to the bone.” 

“I admit, Loki, I don’t know you as well as I once did,” you shrug as you push through the glass doors. “I don’t think anyone does, but if you gave anyone a chance...” You suggest. “Have you talked to any of the people? The women here are rather attractive.” 

“Women?” He spits. “I will not be languishing in the arms of a mortal.” 

“Or the men? It might do you well. To release the levee,” you nudge him with your elbow. 

“I don’t need—quiet. You shouldn’t speak of such things to a prince,” he hisses. 

“No, not anymore?” You wonder. “As right as ever, my prince, I do not know you as I once did. You should find one of those things... a hobby?” 

“I read,” he sniffs. “But their literature is so simplistic.” 

“Mm, they have sport. Oh, the little spider told me they have wrestling. They have shows you could watch. Or you could join in?” 

“These flimsy men would break,” he insists. 

“There are others here. In New Asgard. You could ask them.” 

“I don’t want to wrestle. It is a drunkard’s sport.” 

“Hm, yes, you were never much on it. Well, they have living pictures,” you point to one of the big signs on the side of the building. “You like theatre.” 

He huffs again. His defiance is irritating. As if anything you say will be wrong. He does that often to his brother. Well, you are not Thor and you will not let him spoil your day. 

“I will let you figure it out upon your own, then, for surely I know not of what I speak,” you say. “I hope that do find something to keep busy tonight.” 

“Tonight? You speak as if you are going somewhere? I thought we could find some activity. You seem more acquainted with this cursed place than I.” He says. 

“I am occupied. If you do not like the living pictures, they have stages, you could get a ticket,” you suggest. “Or perhaps you could ask your brother.” 

“I’d rather a crow pluck my eyes out.” He sneers. 

I’d rather one did too, you think to yourself. You stop and face him. You show your hands helplessly. 

“Tomorrow, prince. When I can avail myself to you, we will go around the city. There is a market I wish to peruse.” 

He stares at you dully, “fine. I suppose I can wait.” 

“You never struggled to amuse yourself,” you retort. “I’ve got to get going.” 

“You do? Where?” He asks. 

“I am no longer a ward of the crown,” you say. “I needn’t say.” 

“But I am asking,” he growls. 

You laugh, “you have not changed so much as you think.” 

You grin and spin away, strutting down the sidewalk. His sigh evaporates into another green hue at your back. You’ll deal with him tomorrow, once you’ve dislodged the thorn he’s poked into your side. 

[hiyashortking]

Drunk Dialing Lucifer

Disclaimers and credit: read this post before reading any of my content, please.

Extra warning for this one: There are two suicide comments in the forms of “dark jokes” from the you/reader character. These comments are not challenged and they might hurt to read. Take care of yourselves, darlings. Suicide is not funny and if this was a full novel I would make sure to address that.

Summary: You drunk text and drunk dial Lucifer. He does the same for you later to help you cope with your embarrassment.

Text Message Exchanges

You: i want to duck you so bad, and ducking call you daddy the whole ducking time

Lucifer: Angel, are you okay? Do you need me to come get you?

You: this is not angeldust

You: duck, luci, it’s y/n

Lucifer: Yes, of course, darling. Where are you? Are you with someone? I tried calling but you’re not picking up. I’m worried.

You: im drunk

Lucifer: It appears so. Where are you?

You: i dnt know

Lucifer: Who are you with, darling?

You: vag char ad nifffff f f ty

Lucifer to Charlie: Cherub, can you check on Y/N and let me know if they’re okay?

Charlie: They’re fine. Should I take their phone?

Lucifer: No, that’s okay, sweetheart. Thank you! Have fun!

Lucifer to Vaggie: Maggie, can you check on Y/N and let me know if they’re okay?

Vaggie: Yes, Sir.

Vaggie: They are intoxicated. It appears 3 Long Island Iced Teas have been fully consumed. With their weight and height, this does not appear to be concerning, though I will prevent any further intake. They appear to be in good spirits, though unable to stand without assistance at this time. I will provide ongoing monitoring and support. Is this satisfactory?

Lucifer: 👍

Lucifer to Angel Dust: Angel Dust, can you check on Y/N and let me know if they’re okay?

Angel Dust: oh no Y/N and I are in big trouble, we need a powerful, strong, sexy man to come save us

Lucifer: Are you serious? Tell me where you are and I’ll be right there!

Angel Dust: relaxxx, daddy, all of your princesses and princes are just fine, but hmu later if you’re feeling lonely

Incoming Call from Y/N

Lucifer: Hi, sweetheart. I’ve been reassured that you are safe and well.

You: You are so pretty. Do you know that? I hope you know that.

Lucifer: Why, thank you. That is very sweet!

You: You have gorgeous eyes and I love your teeth. I bet it’s easy for you to make someone bleed; I bet you can’t even nibble on someone without piercing their skin.

Lucifer: Oh my. I should be sitting down for this.

You: I should be sitting on your face.

Lucifer: That- that can be arranged, darling. I didn’t know you felt like this about me. Or is it the alcohol talking? Shoot, should I be ending this conversation to prevent any miscommunication or possible embarrassment? What is the social protocol here? Oh- well, I guess you can’t tell me that right now-

You: Ssssshhhh

Lucifer: Oh! Of course. Yes, shushing. Shushing now.

You: You talk SO MUCH.

Lucifer: Ah, yes, sometimes I do.

You: I love listening to you talk.

Lucifer: You did just shush me, but I’ll try to believe you.

You: Oh fuck, I’m sooo sorry-

Lucifer, laughing: I’m joking, darling, it’s okay.

Lucifer: You okay? Are you still there?

You: Yeah, hold on.

You, muffled: Huh? I’m talking to Luci. I’m trying to tell him how much I want to ride his dick.

Lucifer: Oh my!

You: What do you mean am I sure? I don’t know. Are you sure? Wait-

Call Ended

Text Message Exchanges

Vaggie to Lucifer: Sir, I believe Y/N to be making poor decisions. I have confiscated their phone and will bring them home shortly.

Lucifer: You’re the best!

Vaggie: Update. Y/N has been properly hydrated and brought to their room. They have fallen asleep.

Lucifer: Thanks, Magz. Charlie home okay, too?

Vaggie: Yes, Sir. Getting ready to sleep, as well.

Lucifer: Excellent, you rock! 🔥🔥🔥

The Day After

Text Message Exchanges

Lucifer to You: Good morning, beautiful. I hope you’re feeling well. Would you like me to bring you some breakfast?

You: I’m grounded. I’m not allowed to eat or drink and I’m definitely NOT allowed to text you. I am fucking mortified. Vaggie said I had the audacity to call you? I’m so sorry, Your Majesty.

Lucifer: Oh, stop! I was wildly flattered by what you were saying, but surely you didn’t mean any of it and it was just the alcohol speaking.

You: You’re too kind. I’m a degenerate and I will punish myself accordingly.

Lucifer: Hey, now! All you said was that you wanted to duck me! I’m not even sure what that means. I am so very old, you see. 😜 For all I know, it means you’d like to hold my— hand.

You: I wish I wasn’t already dead.

Lucifer: Beautiful, please stop! I will wipe the night from my memories if that is your wish.

You: PLEASE.

Lucifer: Okay. Can we start over?

You: Yes, please.

Lucifer: I think you’re very pretty.

You: Stop!

Lucifer: And I’d very much like it if you sat on my face.

You: AAAHHHH delete my number, I’m blocking you and setting myself on fire.

Lucifer: Nononononono I’m joking, please don’t!

You: 😭 How am I ever going to be able to look you in the eye ever again? I am MOVING and changing my name.

Lucifer: Okay, okay. I have an idea.

Lucifer: I’m going to get drunk and call you tonight.

You: That … might actually help.

Lucifer: Excellent! I’ve been known to make a huge fool out of myself while intoxicated, so this should cancel out your behavior, and even earn you some credits to say plenty of lewd things to me in the future.

You: 🤦 We’ll see about that.

Later That Night

Incoming Call From Lucifer

You: Wow, you’re really doing it, huh?

Lucifer: I did not think this through.

You: What do you mean?

Lucifer: Well, now I’m drunk, and I’m alone in my room, in the hotel, very close to where your room is, and I’m having a really hard time not just walking over to you.

You: Oh yeah, and what would you do then?

Lucifer: I would ask for permission to kiss you.

You: Damn, even drunk you are polite.

Lucifer: Not polite, just bare minimum decent.

You: I’m wet.

Lucifer: What?

You: I said, I bet.

Lucifer: Hm, well, you see, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it would be like to kiss you. Your lips seem so plump and soft. You once struggled to lick something off of them at dinner and I’ve come to that image of you in my mind.

You: Oh shit!

Lucifer: Is that okay?

You: Yes. Fuck yes. Tell me more.

Lucifer: I love the way you smell and desperately want to taste you.

Lucifer: I want to taste your lips and your tongue and your face, your neck.

Lucifer: I want to feel your skin and squeeze your ass. Fuck, I can’t talk about your ass.

You: Yes, slow down. What do you want to taste after my neck?

Lucifer: Your tits. I want to see and inhale and touch and tongue and gently pinch. I want to worship your body. I want to make you come by sucking on your tits.

You shake a little as you let out a breath.

Lucifer: I want to fucking devour your thighs. They are magnificent. I want them around my head, around my waist. I want my hands and tongue all over them, every inch. I want to see your fat jiggle when I slap my cock down on them.

You, whispering: Oh for fuck’s sake …

Lucifer: Darling, I think I’m out of liquor.

You: Wha-

Lucifer: Have I done a good enough job for you tonight, or would you like me to continue? I could go down to the bar and get some more.

You: …

Lucifer: Precious, are you there?

You, clearing your throat: I-I’m here. It’s okay. I have completely different reasons now to feel embarrassed and like I can’t look you in the eye.

Lucifer: Oh no, that was not the intention.

You try to settle your breathing.

Lucifer: I’m outside your door.

You: No. No, go away.

Lucifer: My safe word is Duckling. Use it and I’ll go away.

You: …

Lucifer: Open your door, beautiful. I want you to be comfortable around me.

You: I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming.

Lucifer: You are entirely in control. Say the word, and I will go back to my room, or I’ll go downstairs for another drink. Tell me what you desire and I will make it real.

You twist the handle and pull open the door.

Call Ended

[changelingsandothernonsense]

The people need to know where Josh would and wouldn't jerk it

Hello!!! I'm dying for a Josh attitude laugh so without further ado, Joshi's Top Ten Best and Worst places to jork it in Skyrim Province. If this does well then he might write a list about Morrowind and or Cyrodiil. Under a cut for being very NSFT

The Best of the Worst!

10. Best My room at Severin Manor.

Yeah, obvious I know! But you tell me that your house isn't probably the best place to jerk it without worry... I just gotta remember to lock the damn door... or not. Fuck um... Ah...I guess this would also go for my room at the Netch. I do remember to lock that door. I have some standards!

10. Worst The Gray Quarter

Why I don't fucking want to jerk it here? One, it's fucking freezing, which is already a turn-off. Two, it's a fucking slum where the walls are made of paper and everyone in the whole district can hear you. Do you hear that Malthyr?! I can fucking hear you!!! You're not that fucking appealing! I'm soft now! 9. Best The counter top of Sadri's Used Wares

Yes I know it's fucking crass, but who're you talking to? It's fucking funny to look my now wife's ex in the eye after I've done it too an he has no fucking idea! Yeah fuck you too dude, clean-up on isle seven. I am a jealous, petty mer but I am atleast aware of it. 9. Worst Morthal

It's a vampire infected swamp! Who the fuck decided to build a town in a cold, wet marsh!? I want their number, I got words for 'em an I'm not gonna be pleasant. Like I'm minding my business in whatever excuse for an inn they have there an this chick just sits herself on my lap like I was asking for it. Corruption sees corruption you know- she knew what I was an I her. Flaccid for a good few days after that near miss so there was no opportunity to jerk off anyway. You know how fucking hard it is to get clean yourself in water taken from a swamp? Give Morthal a skip unless you're into swamp vampires. 8. Best When in Riften

Sydari drags me to Riften fairly often to check on "business". Said "business" is in a secret hidey hole in the sewer an naturally I'm not allowed down in the super secret hideout. That's fine- it's fine! Anyway I get her house to myself a lot of the time (unless her ex husband has decided to ruin my day). Honeyside has it all, a lake I can swim in, a bath, a workshop I can tinker in... Look I may have chosen specifically to come in Brand-Shei's bathrobe after he broke my nose out of spite an I don't apologise for doing it. Fucking heir to House Telvanni? Bastard wouldn't even qualify to lick the guar shit from Neloth's shoe! Um...what was I talking about? Oh right-

8. Worst The Thieve's Hidey Hole

The cistern smells exactly like you'd think it does. Think about how Riften smells like stagnant canal fish water and stale piss. Now turn that up to ten an you have the fucking Cistern! No I'm not meant to be down there an yes I did follow Sydari down there once when I was bored. The guild can have it. I'm not jerking it here. It stinks! 7. Best A Jarl's Throne

This is more a fetish of mine idk I just think it's fucking funny to break into a throne room, rub one out on the great big chair an fucking leave without anyone noticing. Ultimate power move in the face of a self-congratulatory bastard who got that seat through an accident of birth. Taking them down a peg turns me the fuck on an I'm not gonna apologise for it! No I haven't jerked off on Ulfric's throne yet but that stupid fuck in Falkreath had a fun morning! 7. Worst The sulphur flats of Eastmarch

If it's not Hircine worshiping witches with a goat head fetish then it's dragons or wolves or Stormcloaks. It smells like the ass end of Red Mountain (also not a recommended place to jerk off). Look, there was one time ol' Sanguine got in touch with me whilst I was with my girlfriend an we kinda ended up in a weird marriage pact with a hagraven. It's not sexy I can assure you. There's just a fuck tonne of beasties that could ruin your me-time. It's just not worth your time. Also there's a group of Ashlanders that follow Ulath-Pal that have set up camp there an they kinda want the head of the Urshilaku Ashkhan...and I like my neck the way it is. Having said that.

6. Best The Eldergleam Sanctuary.

But TELDRRYYNNN you whine! That's a place of worship! You complain. Hey! Hey! Who are you talking to? I do not give a fuck! Look Sydari an I camped there an we had a huge fight over me being me. I left an found me a secluded little corner by a waterfall. Had a pretty rainbow and everything. I was actually relaxed for once an things just kinda went that way. It's a nice place to get yourself off... Spriggans not withstanding. Do not tell the Dragonborn that I'm the reason for everyone in that sanctuary being chased out by angry Spriggans, kay? No I haven't learnt anything from this an I'd do it again simply because of the above-mentioned thing about how defiling a place of power getting me off.

6. Worst Candlehearth Hall

I'm not allowed in here. None of us Dunmer are allowed in here! It's in Windhelm so I'm not really inclined to stick about yeah? Like sure I could ruin something but the atmosphere here just makes me painfully soft so... I'll piss in that cunt's stew though! 5. Best Any Temple of Talos

Because of the irony. BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING IRONY! 5. Worst. Bandit Camps

The temptation's there, I get it. You've cleared out a camp full of second rate idiots and you've pilfered their treasures. You're fucking tired an maybe you found their drug stash...usually you've found their drug stash an you're all prepped to pass out after blowing your load in the chief's bed. Take a second to think because I sure as fuck didn't an now I got another scar on my ass!

That was some real post-nut clarity right there! 4. Best Markarth's Dwemer Museum

Look the whole reason Calcelmo an that fetching nephew of his even have a museum is because of my research. The guy had my favourite sword an dagger in a case which like I appreciate the Crescent was in good hands an all but like also they're mine. It's all mine...I have a possession problem I guess. No I haven't rubbed one out here yet but fuck...my mind is so fucking warped! Like I would! I want to. FUCK!

4. Worst Wolfskull Cave

A cave near Solitude, seemingly inconspicuous and you might be tempted to take some time to yourself, yeah? Guess again. First thing you're gonna notice about this cave is that it smells like rot. That's your first sign it's probably not a great place to whip your dick out. Secondly you're gonna find the place is crawling with undead and fucking necromancers! Look, I'm not the best around anything dead an walkin. I avoid burials like the plague. I'm fucking terrified of it! I spent the whole time trying not to lose my cool in there. I spent all night trying not to freak the fuck out. Last thing I was doing was playing with myself.

Oh look, top three! I'm surprised you've made it this far in my guide to jerking it across Skyrim. I guess I should throw in some special mentions, DO jerk off as close to the Thalmor Embassy as you can. It's hot to make those stiffs angry and I know they wish they could taste me. DO NOT jerk off in the Blue Palace coz you will get caught and they will put you in a dungeon. Don't go in their dungeon I'm serious! Also don't try both in one night because you're drunk and lonely. It doesn't end well. Anyway... 3. Best The beach near Nchardak

I have a small camp set up on the beach near the ruins. Spent a fuck tonne of time there when I was "working" with Neloth on the puzzle locks there. It's where I used to go when I'd had enough of Neloth's bullshit. So naturally I've found myself cranking one out after a long day of researching. There's something oddly romantic about it. The sound of the Sea of Ghosts lapping at the ash covered sand, the beauty of the aurora overhead an no one to fucking bother me! I ah...I don't like bedclothes so the solitude lets me relax and just take care of shit. 3. Worst Tel Mithryn

Do you know how unsexy a giant fucking mushroom is? Why do you think most Telvanni Wizards are older than Vivec's left nut? No one wants to fuck in mushroom stink! It's like I'm smelling dirt an that's bothering the fuck out of me as I'm tugging an it's just ruining my mood! That an I think Neloth jush knows when I'm doing it and sends his dumb fuck apprentice over to offer me Canis Root Tea.

You can see how this is a problem right? It's fucking torture! Why do you think I just set up a yurt on the beach? My poor dick hurt!

2. Best Blackreach

Yes, there's Falmer an Animunculi an wisps an all that but I think you are well aware of how much I feel at ease over things that are pretty. Blackreach has everything that makes me happy. Dwemer ruins, things for me to belt the shit out of, clean water, GLOW. You stop me from whipping it out here? 2. Worst High Hrothgar

You know, I was tossing up between this an like the top of the mountain coz both have the same problems. One, it's colder than anything I can describe. Even inside the building there's fucking frost! You can light all the fires you want and the place is still fucking freezing! I gotta wear actual underwear when I'm here on top of all the other layers I gotta wear just to not feel like I'm about to die of hypothermia! Do you know how much I hate wearing underwear? Do you know how fucking uncomfortable thermal underclothes are? Even if I wanted to rub out a quick one, an believe me I have on multiple occasions, I'd have to fish my cock out from all the layers an he's hiding something fierce! Then you've got all those stuffy old men who haven't gotten off since I was still mortal watching me like they know my dick still works. Mothballs, old man stink, cold, dark walls with ice coating the door. I mean I can and have fucked here, I'm pretty sure this is where my daughter was conceived so like that's saving it from the number one spot. It's just I'd rather be anywhere else! 1. Best Sky Haven Temple

I hate the Blades. I hate what they represent. I hate that they still think they can boss around people in the name of an Empire that died long ago. I hate how they speak to my now wife an I hate that they expect me to lead them given my old position in the organisation. One- I have never wanted anything to do with the Blades. My membership was part of my prision sentence. Two- I killed my superiour out of revenge for my Corprus infection an I have zero regrets about it. They still think I owe them something. I don't! So why is it at the top of my list? Well, I'm fucking the Dragonborn aren't I? No one's gonna kick me out without her following me. Look I knew it would end with us leaving but I just could not help myself. It's the whole throne room thing again. I legitimatly get off on this shit! An fuck me was this one of the best solo nuts of my life! I don't care if Delphine has to clean the War Room. That's my territory now! 1. Worst Apocrypha

The question of "Can you jerk off in Oblivion?" isn't one that comes up often... unless you're me of course. I've done a good ninety year stint in Revelry. It's possible if the relm's set up for pleasure. Mora's house? That guy's missing his section on erotica. Yeah I know there's something to be said for all the oily tenticles if you're into that kinda thing. I'm not. I'm really not into it. You'd think I would be, given my love of knowlage an all that but FUCK! I've never felt so sick in my life! No, I have but that's not important. Why you don't want to jerk off in Hermaeus Mora's house? Simple. It smells like fish and rotting books! I'm not a guy who'll fuck just anywhere an that also goes for fucking myself. The place is disorientatiting at the best of times, the floor moves under your feel an there's strange Daedra behind every corner. I got taken by Sydari's predecessor whom I accedently released whilst I was looking for her an yeah...kinda got stuck there for gods know how long! I was mad at the end of it, took me far too long to recover after I'd been pulled out of there. I missed my daughter's first steps, her first words. It was a fucking nightmare the likes that only the Sharmat would conceive- no, no Voryn actually tried to get me off so... Look, you don't want to even set foot in Libraryland, let alone whip your dick out and rub one out whilst you're lost there. Unless you're partual to having it morph into one of those tenticle things before your eyes. Unless you're into that kinda thing, I ain't judging.

I am judging...

Anyway that's it um...Why was I talking about this again?

[enderfenderdragon]

can you do tamaki amajiki with a breeding kink? Would also prefer some scenes of him being a switch.

yeah sure, i did make the reader female. is that okay? this is the first request i ever have had, so thank you. hope you like it! :D

also i realised i didn't really do the breeding kink, i just found it hard to write for. i'm so sorry, i know it was what you requested. but i tried to make up for it. i really am sorry. :(

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warnings!: dom!tamaki amajiki, sub!tamaki amajiki, dom!reader, sub-ish!reader, p in v, smutty (kind of), reader is a female. (sorry if you don't like that.) use of y/n. use of bunny (tamaki calls reader 'bunny') not proof read!.

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if you don't like the sound of the warnings please do not put in your opinion, please leave the comments, likes and reblogs for the people who like my posts and work.

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you moan his name and his thrusts speed up.

"am i doing good?" he asked looking into your eyes with affection and lust.

"y-yes, s-so good" you reply moaning his name once more.

you and tamaki have been at it for about an hour. him switching from being a sub to a dom then a sub again, it seems he likes to be submissive at the hands of y/n. who would of known? one of UA's big three was submissive with his partner.

you hear tamaki growl like a wolf and flips you over to your under side (belly). he starts beating his cock deep inside of your tight walls.

"a-ah!" you moan from surprise.

your moans and cries only make tamaki become even more dominate. but once he starts to get a little too ruff you tell him (more like beg him) to slow down.

"t-tamaki! t-too r-ruff!" you cry. back arching as

his eyes widen and his thrusts stop at once when he heard you cry. apologises and asking if your okay spill from his mouth.

"oh my god, y/n are you okay? i-im s-so sorry, b-baby im sorry" he quickly whispers.

he quickly and gently flips you over and cups your cheek.

"a-are you o-okay? i-im so so s-sorry. p-please f-forgive m-me." he whispers to you. resting his knees on the bed near your feet. his body stiff with anxiety.

you cup his hands on your cheeks.

"y-yes, you were g-great." you whisper back.

his whole body relaxes when you whisper this. you move one of your hands from his hand on your cheek to his cheek.

"b-but you did become a little too ruff. you have to remember, im not as strong as you tamaki" you say to him, voice stern. trying to make him realise or remember that you are indeed, smaller then him.

"i-im sorry b-bunny" he pulls you into a hug. you quickly hug him back and sigh.

"how about we just watch a movie hmm?" you say into his ear making him shiver, also making you laugh.

"d-dont laugh a-at m-me. i-it's n-not funny." he pouts.

"y-yes it is, it so is." you say back to him ruffling his hair.

you stand up and walk to your shared bathroom. you have a shower, and then tamki has a shower. while he is having his shower you get the snacks, the movie, the blankets and all the extra things you need when having a movie night with tamaki.

your sitting down thinking: 'why did tamaki growl, then flip me over. then start beating my pussy? is he okay? is he annoyed at me?'

your thoughts get interrupted when tamaki steps out of the shower, playing with his hair as a way of 'drying it' he calls it.

"hey" you hear him say.

tamaki crawls towards you on the bed, cupping you cheeks.

"w-whats on y-your mind b-bunny?" he asks tilting his head the way you always found adorable.

you sigh, looks at him through your eye lashes and takes a deep breath.

"why did you suddenly become very dominate and very ruff with me?" you ask, your voice small just above a whisper. afraid anyone would hear what you asked.

tamaki's face becomes a firing mess and he quickly covers his face with his hands.

you laugh and cup his hands, gently making him let you see his very red face you ask again. but instead of hiding his face tamaki mumbles so quiet you don't hear him.

"tamaki, hunny i didn't hear you." you say quietly back.

the next few words that escapes tamaki amajiki's mouth make your whole body stiffen and your face becomes hotter then a volcano.

"i-i was t-trying to b-breed y-you" he mumbles.

@the-little-devils-chaos

[factual-fantasy]

29 Asks! Thank you!! :}} 🏇

Ah- yeah that's just a reminder to check the FAQ before asking. :0

I put that notice there because despite having the FAQ, I still got like a dozen asks of things my FAQ already answered...

@caprico54

My Wally does not eat with his eyes, thankfully, XD that cant be good for his vision!

@soulful-rodent

I'm still trying to figure out a way around the 100 link limit.. but maybe someday I will! :0

(Referencing this post)

XDD That makes 3 of us!

@how-am-i-still-here-lmao

The Muppets don't exist in my AU <XD and unfortunately I don't know enough about the Muppets to think of the hypotheticals.. <:( sorry!...💔💔

(Julies monster form post)

If Julie ever did reveal her true form, I'm sure Barnaby would appreciate paw pads! XD Hey! He's not the only one now! :D

AAAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD Hugs are by far my favorite thing to draw, so I'm glad you like them and can feel the emotions I try to portray in them!! :DDD

AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD As for the boops.. that's a good question actually :00

I can imagine Frank, Howdy and Poppy wouldn't like a nose boop <XDD

Wally and Eddie would just be confused <XD maybe don't do it to them either..

You might get away with booping Sally once!

Barnaby and Julie would probably laugh and boop you back!

Home would just stare.. 👁️👁️

@randomgir2020 (Referencing this post)

Aw man, <XD I cant relate! I live for the cold. When I get slightly too hot? I am WAY too hot. 😭😭 But it take's a LOT of cold to make me uncomfortable :00

But hey! I guess that means you might be enjoying the summer we've had this year..? XD

(Referencing this post)

I'm thinking Wally and Frank get along swell! :) Wally is respectful and a great listener. And Frank always has something for them to talk about XD

Something I can see them doing is Wally tagging along with Frank when he goes out to study bugs. Wally makes for good conversation but is also good at staying very still and quiet when they're trying to not to scare away a butterfly.. :0

(In response to this post (?))

I didn't intend for Home to directly project nightmares into Wally's mind or anything. But I imagined his many sleepless nights and constant stress/anxiety is what creates them.. <:(

@minnesotamedic186

XD Factual or Fantasy is fine, also sorry/you're welcome!!(?) XDDDD Either way I'm glad you seem to have liked my artwork!! :}}

Evil Sylvester talks the big talk, but in reality he's such a wimp. XD If he saw an enormous Metagross- even if it was just standing there completely neutral- he'd probably run away screaming XDDD

@ninaandthegames

AAAAAA THANK YOU SO MMUCH!! :DDD And don't give up friend! You improve with every piece you make, it gets easier overtime! :)

@caronaro-flipaclip

I have it saved to my watch later list! :D I'm sure I'll get around to it eventually.. <XD

@charactersnatcher

WAHHGGG THANKYIUUUU!!!! :DDDDDD

@xxanxious-anxietyxx

Thank you!! :DD and it was rather funny XDD, although sorry.. I don't take requests! <:/ But don't worry! I'm guaranteed to draw Foxy again at some point XDDD

@neo-metalscottic (Welcome home character chart) (classic FNAF crew) (Last ask with awesome artwork! :} )

Hello hello! :DD I'm glad to hear you've been enjoying my posts recently, thank you so much!! :DDD As for your questions..

Home is interested in Sally because she's so.. strange.. She's a star.. here amongst common people? Walking and talking and dressing like them?.. how odd...

For Julie, Home looks at her and knows this isn't the real her. She is something else beneath the surface. Something much stronger and bigger than she makes herself out to be. Why is she hiding?.. hmm..

And Eddie, well. Its Eddie <XDD Human from our world an all-

As for Poppy, yes yes! Its because she's been around for so long. It used to watch her sleep through her window when she was a child. Well it did, until she made a habit of closing the curtains every night.. I can also imagine that Poppy helped paint Home and what not. Which furthered Homes interest in her :00

As for the FNAF stuff, it was mostly meant to just be a joke, yes. <XD But I did have some thought/structure behind it! :)) The other animatronics might react similarly to Foxy when they overheat. Getting ramblely and disoriented.. eventually just shutting down. But Foxy is particularly vulnerable to heat-

Foxy moves a lot more than the others do. So he's built up a lot more wear and tear than they have. This also means that even though he's missing a lot of his shell all over his body, he still overheats quite frequently..

In that scene, I imagined that Freddy and the gang had preformed a show that day. So Foxy did his friends a solid by pointing the only fan they had towards them..

Unfortunately everyone was too hot and tired to remember that duh, Foxy's internal cooling is shot :x its okay though they were reminded some minutes later when he started rambling about pickles.. <XD

@errorinside

I've always pictured Freddy having a taste for savory things rather than sweet :0 Like pizza! :}}

@i-dogtor-dawg

I've seen a lot of fanart of it! :00 Cat sluggy bois.... I like dem :)

@glitchhayden418

*snimfle... I love her so much.. 🥹💞💞

@artblock200322022

AAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DD I'm glad to hear it!! :}}}]

I can imagine that Home has been very tempted to lock Wally inside, but its trying not to spook him away-

Since Barnaby's gotten involved, he's been spending more and more nights at Barnaby's' house.. Home knows that if it comes on too strongly, Wally might just up and leave. So for now it lays low and doesn't lock him inside..

@jean-arclight (Referencing this post)

In that comic I was going to show Ingo and Emmet's first close encounter with a Tarr.. Ingo wasn't there to protect Emmet..

Emmet was fine in the end and ultimately his injuries were minor. Ingo did a great job taking charge and comforting Emmet in the aftermath. So Emmet was mostly mentally ok. But Ingo took this whole situation really hard.. thinking that Emmet almost died today. And Ingo wasn't even there.. it was awful..

Usually Ingo covers up his feelings for Emmet's sake. But this time he couldn't help but just break down in tears. Coming in after Emmet had already fallen asleep and just scoping him up in a tight hug. Emmet was tired and it wasn't great to have woken him up.. but at this point hearing Emmet's voice might have been the only thing that could soothe Ingo..

Also yeah, <XD I'm glad/sad to hear someone relates to my struggles! <XDD I got to the battle scene and lost a lotta steam. 😞 although these angsty paragraphs reminds me of why brainstormed this comic in the first place! :00 Perhaps I'll finish it someday! :}}

@i-only-created-this-to-read

ONE GRAIN OF SAND?? Man.. but I see what you mean! :0 I'll have to think about that..

That nail thing is GENIUS! :00 The first thing that came to mind though was Home poking a nail out and Wally steps on it <XD giving Barnaby a good reason to stay longer to help him out-

Or, if Barnaby stepped on it, Wally would spend a day or two at Barnaby's house to help him with chores. Since he can't walk now <XD What a backfire Home!

I can see home being able to move almost its entire body for short intervals. Kind'a like focusing and tensing your entire body all at once. But if it wants to make significant movements it can only move little bits at a time.

As for the lock, it cant meld or change the shape of the lock. But it can turn the inside of the lock so that a key wont go in. Effectively making you unable to unlock it. And yes! Home can lock all the doors and windows that are apart of it >:)

@abaroo

Well as the asker previously talked about, Home could stick nails up through the floor <XD That would leave a mark..

I was envisioning less of a child with a toy and more like... a scientist with their experiment..?

Home is very curious about Wally and is kind'a experimenting with him. Seeing how long it can stare at him before he wakes up. When he wakes up, what's the first thing he does? How will Wally react to certain creaks and groans of the floor boards?

Although it is a little closer to the child thing when it comes to Barnaby. Home doesn't like Barnaby because he's looking out for Wally prying into this situation, And he keeps offering his home as a safe heaven taking Wally away for days at a time. He's messing with its experiment....

(In response to this post)

I've considered an interaction where the two of them wind up in the same area and start to chat. They joke back and fourth and generally have a nice conversation. At this point Eddie starts to feel bad and apologizes for always avoiding small talk with Wally..

He explains that after his little freak out at the Christmas party, he's always just felt uneasy whenever he would pass by Wally's house. He then says,

"I might sound crazy here, but it always feels like I'm being watched by somethin, haha!.. <XD"

That's when Wally would pause and his tone would shift drastically. With fear in his eyes he replies,

"...You feel it too?"

This would change their dynamic entirely. They'd now see each other as a victim to the same weird anxiety. Finally someone understands what they're feeling..

The only thing keeping me from doing this though, is that if Wally knew that someone else felt that way, it would make his anxiety a lot more real. I kind'a wanna keep this whole stalking situation in Wally's head. Which is why he hasn't just up and moved in with Barnaby.

If he thinks he is the only one experiencing this "being watched" feeling.. then he'll be more likely to tell himself its not real and stay with Home.

Other than this potential interaction, I actually don't really have any current plans for them to grow closer <:( 💔

AAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD Not gonna lie I've been considering it! :00

[studio-of-woof]

Ruh roh I’m having a funny idea again.

So a friend and I were talking last night about the Roger Rabbit universe and I had Digital Circus fresh on my mind. So I kept thinking about a Digital Circus actor AU.

Glitch Productions being this big recording studio with the sets of like, Murder Drones, Digital Circus and Gaslight District (that one still being under construction).

The Digital Circus cast would be rather different off-camera, like for example maybe Caine is actually kinda socially awkward yet still a loud boi. And this is his first big major role in a project.

Caine Interview:

“How did you end up with the role, Caine?”

“Well… Goose has heard my voiceover performances before and was like “I gotta get this guy on for something!” And so when I auditioned I kinda just got hired on the spot!”

Pomni would still be a bit reserved but she has a lot of confidence for acting. My friend also mentioned how she would probably have a lot of experience under her belt and so she’d kinda help mentor some of the more newer actors, like Caine and Ragatha.

Speaking of Ragatha… my friend said this about her

“Yes, and Ragatha played her character while doing collage and did not expect the show to blow up. She got to finish her last year before filming it full time.”

So the idea of Ragatha’s role also being a first big major role came to mind. So Pomni tries to mentor her, which is kind of a funny image.

Ragatha would still be the mom friend of the group for sure, she would make sure someone’s okay after doing a risky or scary scene.

Ragatha and Pomni interview:

“Pomni’s been kinda helping me with my role, like just—“

“Slowly kind of directing you?”

“That, yeah. [laughing]”

“Of course not disregarding the actual director!”

“Yeah no the director’s great, you’re great. [laughing]”

“But like, with that scene in the hallway? Where I had to act all frazzled? That took a few takes but eventually I got it down pat. I think it would’ve taken longer if Pomni wasn’t there to kinda help me with finding the right… uh… tone I guess?”

“Yeah, tone. You did amazing by the way!”

“No you did amazing!”

Now Jax is a fun one. He’s not a complete douche off camera but he still likes play harmless pranks on set. You know those pixar bloopers? Kind of like that.

Like being in scenes where he’s not supposed to be.

[Filming the scene where Pomni tries to find Caine]

“And… action!”

[Pomni opens up one of the doors. Only to see Jax standing there.]

“Sup?”

“[Laughing] HOW DID YOU GET THERE??”

“Cut!”

I’d also picture whenever he has to be a douche in a scene he’d apologise immediately after when the cameras cut off.

[Filming]

“Ladies first! … No wait why would I say that?”

[Jax pushes Gangle over]

“… and cut! That was good!”

[Jax helping Gangle up]

“I am so sorry-“

“Did I push too hard?”

“Yeah nah you’re good.”

“Alright cool. [giggling]”

Also this it was mentioned during the more recent Hunicast that everyone gets caught off-guard whenever Michael plays Jax since Michael isn’t like Jax at all, I reckon it’d be the same in this universe.

Jax interview:

“Everyone on set has said to me at least once that I don’t act like my character at all and it catches them off guard completely. I just think that’s really funny.”

The idea of Gangle being a really good actor so much so that she puts on a voice for the character has crossed my mind. Much like her VA she’d have a more deeper voice. Yet when acting she puts on the high pitched and nasally voice. Also my friend mentioned how she would say “bro” off-set so that’s a funny thought.

[Filming]

“Bro my comedy mask!”

“Cut!”

“Ah my bad.”

Not much to really say about Kinger, but I did have the idea of him accidentally pulling a hip or something when he did the scene where he spazzes out.

[Filming]

“They’re the two most mentally stable and capable characters to be pai—“

“OWWW! OUH! OUUHH! I think I pulled something!”

“Oh shit you alright?”

“Ye-Yeah yeah I think- I think I should go sit down can we take 5?”

Zooble is just a very chill person off-set. They still maintain that “idgaf” attitude, but they’re less rude about it. Though they would still have a foul-mouth. There also was probably a few times where they got caught smoking weed or having an edible behind the studio after filming.

Zooble Interview:

“Did the Gloink Queen actually eat you on set?”

“Ha. Nah. The one you saw get swallowed was a prop replica of my head. They got it pretty accurately for the budget we had at the time.”

Zooble and Gangle are besties in character and off camera for sure, but there would also be times where Zooble hangs around Ragatha a lot, kind of just unknowingly adopting her as their on-set mother lol (I blame you @/mod-bee)

More interviews:

“Are you scared of centipedes, like actually?”

“Out of character? Oh yeah. Definitely. Too many legs. No thanks. [laughing]”

“Is it sometimes frustrating having to put yourself back together a lot?”

“Eh, sometimes. It is what it is, y’know? Plus as much as I have issues with his bod, it’s helped me gotten the role so… I can at least thank it for that.”

“What’s the worst prank Jax has pulled on set?”

“He hasn’t done anything remotely harmful, he’s too nice for that. But I’d say the time he made Zooble think they actually choked him out. He was a little too good at the bit I’d say. Zooble had words for him after that stunt. [slight chuckle]”

“The one time I regret nothing.”

“Did you end up getting hurt by that bowling ball Jax hurled at you?”

“Oh that? That was a stunt double! Thank god for stunt doubles. We actually go get drinks every now and again. It freaks out the local drunks every time.”

“A lot of people online have said you look like you suffer from scoliosis, is that true?”

“How can I suffer from scoliosis if I don’t even have a spine to begin with? [laughing]”

“Are all your more… cartoony movements CGI? Any special effects involved?”

“Well…. Don’t spread this around.. but… that’s all me. It’s a special talent I have.”

“Huh. Interesting. Does that mean you can actually fly?”

“I dunno! You tell me!”

[Caine slowly floats above his seat]

Bonus:

Whenever they’re not acting on the set of Murder Drones, Uzi, N and V help out with the more technical side of filming. Cameras, lights, and whatnot. Since they can fly they help out with filming bird’s eye view shots.

[cinnbar-bun]

um um i've never requested stuff b4 so i hope this is ok and also isn't too vague / silly of a prompt ;_;...

may i request hcs for doppio x a reader who's a total dog-dad/pet parent?

like brings their dog everywhere that's not dangerous, treats them better then they treat themselves, genuinely considers murder if someone even makes a tiny negative joke abt their dog etc 😭... (or maybe just hcs abt how doppio would feel arnd a reader who has a big dog in general:3 whatever works better for u !!!) /nf

— @child-ofdust (i hope i didnt type too much help) 🐾

A/n: YEAH OF COURSE DEAR HERE U GO!!! I changed it up a bit so it's kinda a combination of both your ideas so hope that's okay <3

Doppio w/ an S/O who has a dog

Notes: GN!Reader, Doppio so pssttt there's kinda a spoiler for Part 5 do not read if you haven't seen it, minor swearing, but pretty funny and fluffy

WC: ~.6k

Doppio hasn’t had much experience with dogs. Yes, he’s seen dogs before, occasionally pet one a few times, perhaps got unlucky to be chased by many of them. He was initially worried how your dog would react to him because he’s worried your dog will hate him and run after him. 

Your dog was actually pretty kind to him, which made him so happy and relieved. Doppio is crying tears of joy that your dog does not want to maul him like a chew toy. He shouldn’t have been that surprised, honestly, but it was still a welcome treat for Doppio. 

He sees how much you love your dog and he finds it really sweet! Doppio does like to care for smaller animals and insects, and seeing that you care for your dog makes him feel better. He feels happy knowing you treat your dog with respect and tons of love. 

He would be nervous initially to care for your dog because he doesn’t want to make you or your dog uncomfortable. He’s kind of like… ‘am I allowed to touch your dog? Can I pet them? Can I brush them?’ 

Please help him, he’s never done this before and he’s very anxious. 

Doppio is acting extra gentle with your dog because he hasn’t yet gauged what is an appropriate amount of force needing to brush or clean your dog. After you teach him and get him used to it a few times, Doppio gets the hang of it and can do it on his own. 

He’s not jealous of your dog, he’s not that kind of guy. Again, he really cares for some animals and your dog is a sweetie pie. You love your dog so much, and Doppio loves you very much, so of course he’d love your dog! 

He kinda sees your dog as like… your child? In a weird way? He’s just like yep, this is my beloved and this is our dog <3 I love my family <3 

And unlike a certain other man who shall not be named he does not abandon his family <3

He has so much fun playing with you and your dog. Especially if your dog likes to jump on him and snuggle him he loves it so much!!! Fluffy attack he’s laughing so hard until there are tears pouring down his face. 

Also, he takes his dog duties so seriously. If you ask him to walk the dog or give the dog a bath, Doppio is preparing like he’s going to war. He’s so focused and determined and nothing will stop him from caring for your dog. Absolutely nothing can break his concentration and so help him if anything dares to interrupt or prevent him from-

Torurururururu!

He’s quickly picking up a dog bone and straight up just YELLS at Diavolo. 

“What the HELL do you want? Huh? I’m walking my dog! Don’t you know how to time shit correctly? I’M BUSY!!!!” 

Doppio is so angry at Diavolo for calling him at these times, he just gets incredibly frustrated at him for interrupting his time with you and your cute dog. 

After he gets off the “phone” he needs lots of snuggles and kisses from you and your dog or else he might pop a blood vessel. 

Hilarious idea but Diavolo telling Doppio what to do with your dog whenever Doppio gets confused or is unsure of what do. 

“Ah, damn, what is the dog food we get again?” He says at the store. “The blue one.” “This one?” “Yeah. That one.” “Thanks, boss.”

[canirove]

My neighbour Rúben | Chapter 3

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Masterlist

"Aww, sweetheart. I'm so glad you were able to come" grandma said, giving me a hug.

"I would not miss grandad's birthday for anything in the world."

"Not like your father" he said, also hugging me. The moment my dad knew I was coming back to London, he suddenly had an important meeting to attend and he couldn't join us all to celebrate. "He is a coward. Not being able to face his own daughter..."

"Let's leave that conversation for another day, shall we?" grandma said. "Today is a day to celebrate that she has a new job. C'mon, tell us everything about this Spanish girl. Is she posh? Where is the kid's dad?"

"Yes, share all the gossip with your grandma" grandad laughed, sitting down on his big chair.

"She isn't posh. Everything Lucy has is because she's worked her ass off to get it. Language, sorry."

"Don't worry, darling. Living in the North does that to you" grandma said, making grandad snort.

"We also swear on this part of the country, you know?" he said.

"Whatever" grandma replied, rolling her eyes. "What about the dad? You didn't mention anything."

"She divorced from her husband last year. Well, they actually are still divorcing, there is nothing official. But they went their separate ways a year ago."

"A divorce lawyer getting divorced. Funny" grandad said.

"Getting a divorce is never funny. Especially when there is a child involved. How is she dealing with it?"

"Julia is ok. Her dad also is a lawyer, so she is used to only seeing him from time to time."

"That is so sad... But what happened? Why did they get a divorce?"

"You are so noisy" grandad chuckled.

"I just want to know who is the woman my granddaughter is working for!"

"And knowing the reason why she got a divorce is important because..."

"Because!" she said. 

"I don't know why she is divorcing from her husband. We don't know each other that well just yet" I shrugged. Which was a lie. Lucy and I had instantly connected and shared all our dramas with each other.

"Anyway, let's talk about more important things" grandad said before grandma could ask anything else. "You are coming to the game tomorrow, aren't you?"

"It is your birthday present, grandad. Of course I am." He's been an Arsenal fan since he was a little kid, and every time my father allowed it, he would take me to one of their games. Tomorrow they are playing against one of the big ones, Manchester City, and he wants me to go with him. I don't follow football that much, but I always enjoy going to the games and spending some time just the two of us.

"Oh, yes. And Robert is taking his grandson with him too. When was the last time you saw Harry?" grandma asked.

Harry... The grandson of my grandad's best friend, the one they've wanted me to marry since we both were kids, and also the one who tried to kiss me the last time we saw each other, getting a punch on the nose as an answer. 

"I can't remember when I last saw him" I lied.

"Well, I'm sure he is looking forward to seeing you" grandma said. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"This can't be your granddaughter!" Robert said when we met outside the Emirates Stadium. "Where did the girl with the pigtails go?"

"Hi" I said. I think I haven't worn pigtails since I was three, but oh well. "Harry."

"Hello" he replied, not meeting my eyes. It looked like what had happened during our last encounter definitely still was in his head. Good. Now he probably knew what happens when someone tells you no and you insist.

"Let's go inside, shall we?" grandad said. "Today is a big day, we'll probably have to wait longer than usual at the queue."

Once inside the stadium, we were seated next to the benches, getting to see the players very close, especially when walking in and out of the tunnel.

"Ah, look at this atmosphere" grandad said. "Those City boys aren't used to something like this back home, are they, Robert?"

"They definitely aren't" he replied, both men starting to laugh.

"But at least they win something" Harry said under his breath. Since he was sitting next to me, I was the only one who heard him. 

"Who do you truly support?" I whispered.

"Chelsea. But don't tell my grandad, it'll break his heart."

"Your secret is safe with me. You know I'm really good at that."

"Yeah..." he replied, his ears turning bright red. 

The first half of the game was just City attacking and Arsenal trying to defend themselves, somehow making it to the half-time with no goals on any side. As the players started walking towards the tunnel, there was one that caught my attention, one that was arguing with another teammate. Before he disappeared, he looked up, our eyes meeting just for a brief moment, and I could swear I had seen him before. But where? On tv? Online? There was something too familiar about him to be just a complete stranger.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Harry said.

"What?"

"You are completely gone, definitely thinking about something."

"It's just that a City player looked familiar. I guess I've seen him somewhere before."

"Maybe out in Manchester? You live in the same city."

"I don't think these guys and I visit the same places" I chuckled.

"You never know."

"Anyway, I'm going to the bathroom. Grandad, do you want a drink or something?"

"I'm fine. Thank you, darling."

When I made it back, the second half had already started.

"Which player looked familiar?" Harry asked me when I sat down.

"I don't know. A tall one, brown hair. He was arguing with another one that looked tiny next to him.”

"Dias?"

"Uh? Why are you speaking in Spanish?"

"That's his name. Well, his last name. When City came out, he turned around and looked to where we are sitting with a confused look. Maybe he also recognized you."

"Nah, that's impossible. Someone probably insulted him and that's why he looked like that."

I had never met a City player, had I? Someone would have told me, they supposedly are superstars.  

The game obviously ended with City winning but just by one goal, and grandad and Robert seemed to be very proud about it. We were still on our seats, waiting until most people had left the stadium, when I found myself looking again at the player from the first half. He was giving some interviews, and the way he was standing while talking, made him look even more familiar. Who was this stupidly handsome man? Because he was handsome. And hot. Very hot. His t-shirt was sticking to his body, letting you see his very defined abs and pectorals. And his arms... His arms were the size of my head. 

When he finished talking, he smiled at the reporter before saying goodbye, and it clicked. 

"No way" I gasped.

"What?" Harry said next to me. 

"Who is he?" I asked, nodding towards the City player.

"Oh, that's the one I told you was looking this way. Dias."

"But you said that's his last name, right? What's his name?"

"Rúben. Rúben Dias."

Rúben. My Chris Evans. The hot neighbour. It was him. He was a fucking football player. And not any player, no. A Manchester City one. And now he was looking at us, at me, trying to figure out why I also looked familiar. 

"He's looking at us again" Harry said. "Are you sure you don't know each other?"

"We..." But before I was able to say that we didn't, Rúben was smiling and waving at me. And I was waving back, also smiling. But while he gave me a cute smile, I probably was smiling like an idiot or with the ugliest grin.

"You were saying..." 

"I don't know him. I just waved back because..."

"He's hot" Harry said.

"Yes. That's exactly why. Wouldn't you have done the same with a hot girl?"

"Maybe... But are you really sure you don't know each other?"

"I'm really sure, Harry. Stop asking."

"Ok" he said, definitely not believing me.

"Alright kids, ready to leave? I'm starving" grandad said.

"Ready" I replied. Anything to stop Harry from asking more questions, and to stop me from thinking about the fact that Rúben, the neighbour, actually was Rúben Dias, Manchester City player and football star.

[chuckeroo777]

Frieren Liveblog- Chapters 21-24

Last time, Fern demonstrated that she is the fastest staff in the west, while Stark realized that he can, in fact, defeat a little girl in strength-based combat.

Wait, what? Are Frieren and Fern using some sort of forbidden technique to enhance their power? How deplorab-

I can't even finish that thought without laughing. I am a Marcille fan after-all. As long as they aren't harnessing unwilling souls or something, it's probably fine.

Oh geez, I guess this explains Frieren's outlook on life. Everyone she cared about died in this attack.

Good thing Flamme found her and thought her... something. I have a bad feeling about this.

I guess that explains why they are on the verge of extinction. And why Frieren hates demons with such passion.

I just think she's neat.

So that's the trick. Demons are prideful powerscaling idiots, so just make yourself look weak, and you can overpower them with ease. A bit underhanded to be sure, but it's no less ethical than a rogue using shadows to their advantage.

Oh. OH! Is this going, where I think it's going? Aura's about to mess up big time, and we're gonna get the demon lady on our team!

Maybe. Guess I'll flip to chapter 22 to see if I'm right.

Ah, so there is a distinction. I imagine the more physical threats we've faced were normal monsters, while spellcasters like Qual are demons.

We know Himmel fanned the flames later on, but I wonder if this is the moment Frieren gained her fascination with niche magic.

Did Frieren disguise herself as a human? Or is this an art error? It's only in this one panel, so I imagine the latter.

Yes, it's definitely because you recognize her as a powerful mage, and not because it was love at first sight.

What.

WHAT.

WHAT????

My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined.

Frieren, don't think a cute moment where you finally commend your companions will make me forgive you. I was so looking forward to having a begrudging demon mage in the party.

Don't worry, Frieren has the finest collection of fake Flamme grimoires the world has ever seen.

Yeah, yeah, funny times a plenty for you, I'm sure. If only you weren't so quick to order beheadings.

God, I love these idiots. Maybe I can find it in my heart to forgive them.

All the best mages are quasi-legal.

Gee, if only you had a cool demon mage to keep you warm with fire magic or something.

An important image.

So cold Fern. Get it? Ok, I'll stop.

Gently yoink the elf.

Just because he isn't wearing a shirt doesn't mean he's a pervert. Though, with how rare elves are, I have a bad feeling I know where this conversation is going.

A precious image.

Hoo boy. Let's see how bad this goes. Keep the spray bottle ready Fern.

You know, I'm currently also reading My Hero Academia. It's pretty interesting, though the sexist undercurrents are... questionable. Frieren follows some basic gender role stereotypes, with our warrior being male and the mages being female, but outside that, this manga treats its women very kindly. It's quite refreshing after having to read Mineta's shenanigans over and over again.

It's kinda obvious how you use way more mana than you seem to have total. Demons are just too prideful to notice.

Huh. How about that. Turns out Kraft wasn't a pervert after all. I wonder if this is the last we see of him?

And that's it for now! Quite exciting, though I'm still quite upset at Kanehito Yamada for not making Aura part of the party.

Ah well, there's still, like, six more demon generals. Maybe one of them can join the team.

[luis-block]

In a format of your choice, may I please request Heket, Kall, and Leshy (Shamura'd be too observant for this) confessing to their crush? Except the response is not what they wanna hear, because it informs them that they've got the wrong twin.

I LOVE this, it was amusing to write lmfao

Warnings: None

Kallamar, Heket and Leshy accidently confessing their feelings for you to your twin.

"My Dear, I have been meaning to talk to you about this for a while now…  will you become my betrothed?"

Kallamar

The words left his mouth as he anxiously waited for your response. Only to hear laughter, as he looks down at you with offence. “You are too funny, Squidy! I’m (T/N), not (Y/N)!” As they start laughing all over again. He cringes, now noting the different colored eyes your twin has. He is never going to live this down.

Heket

She watches as you seem very uncomfortable with her when she asks the question. Which makes her confused, and a bit upset. You had both talked about it just two nights ago, and now you are uncomfortable with the idea with no explanation? “Ah, my lord, please don’t be angry! It seems you mush have mistaken me for my twin (Y/N), y-yes? I won’t say anything to them about your confession so you can tell them, in fact I can go tell them your looking for them!” Your twin ran faster than Heket had ever seem the nervous creature run. She is no longer angry, but cripplingly embarrassed. She gains he composer by the time you arrive though.

Leshy

You looked up with him with the most confused look he had ever seen. Did he have something on his bandages? Maybe a leaf was browning? “Eww, do you think I am (Y/N)? Well, I guess that’s what I get for stealing a robe in their color for the day. Do you want to be to go and get them for you, big man. Or do you want to find them yourself?” Your twin says with a deadpan stare, as Leshy looks blankly back at them. “I can find them on my own, but please NEVER wear their robes again.” He said sternly as he walks away to find the real you, more annoyed that your twin wasted his time more than anything.

[misc-obeyme]

Hey!

I've seen a few another asks about MC and honestly, it's so interesting to see others characters. I guess that's one of the reasons why I love Obey, you can create OC, who's can be anyone, well maybe except a God?? I just don't know how that would be work lol

I have two angels, Gabriel and Agrael. Gabriel, Lucy and Michael I hc as triplet. Agrael his younger sister, who was the one who killed Lilith, and well, Gabe do everything he can to keep it as secret. He's loves Lucifer and Michael with Agrael more than others brothers, and was against the war, but at the end decided to let Lucy go, bc he doesn't have a choice, but trying to be neutral as much as he can. Agrael was just obedient soldier and wasn't bothered by brothers rebellion and just fight. Asmo fell in love with her, but she's didn't love him and attacked without resist, which hurt him a lot lol

Her only friend was Mammon, but it's didn't stop her from fight. But also she's didn't saw brothers as enemy. Has a human lover, but nobody knows who is it. She's usually disappears in human world, and Gabe cover for her, bc he's soft for his sister too much lol

Also there's two sorcerers. Crowley, who's father of my MC, famous merchant of the three worlds, who can find anything you want, except knowledge that he has a daughter lol

He's funny guy and tried very hard to reconnect with his daughter, but Anders prefer to punch him and not talking. He's not old as Sol, but still old and keep himself from aging with magic artefacts. He's probably slept with Asmo and I always laughed when thinking about it

And Alastair, who's wanted to be Solomon's apprentice, but well, Anders was the chosen one. He's taking that as insult, bc he's more knowledgeable and powerful, and now hate Anders and wished to kill her, and tried a few times lol

Do you have another characters? I would like to read about them too!

Hello again!

Yes, I really love to hear about everybody's MCs and OCs!! They're so interesting, it's so fun to see what people have come up with! Especially since I feel like there is so much space for such things in Obey Me. They really left a lot of stuff unexplained and there are three whole worlds that we can fill in with our own characters!

Okay, I kinda feel like the only way you could have a character who was a god would be if it was like somehow a rival to the "Father" character from the Celestial Realm. I kinda think it'd be interesting if the Greek gods existed, for instance. Since we have Cerberus, it kinda stands to reason that we'd also have Hades and Zeus and the rest. But you know, maybe they're retired? LOL.

Anyway...

Now that is an interesting concept! I never once thought about who killed Lilith. What a burden to bear! I love Agrael already she sounds amazing! I love that she's now the one with a human lover, even after the war and everything that happened with Lilith! Man love can make you do crazy things! And Gabriel is just trying to be a good big brother!

Crowley and Alastair omg I love them. Crowley sounds great, but I do feel bad for Anders lol. Let her punch him! It would probably be very therapeutic! Alastair is crazy if he thinks Solomon would ever let anyone kill his apprentice, but I'm impressed that he still tried. I get the impression that Anders would be difficult to kill, but he's still gonna try it seems!

Ah well I do have my demon OC Arsenios. And I have some other OCs that show up in his story, but I can't talk about them too much without giving away spoilers for his story. There are a couple of angels and a reaper.

I have a couple more human characters that are related to Ciaran and their story. There's their older sister Fiadh who I am quite fond of. She gets help from both a witch and a sorcerer when Ciaran goes missing and they help her get to the Devildom to find Ciaran.

I do have another demon OC, but I've never talked about her... Her name is Liviana and she's the librarian at RAD. She knows Arrie, but I just created her because I wanted to lol. I really love libraries and I was thinking about demon professors/RAD staff members and I just sorta daydreamed her into existence.

I do have one other reaper OC but she doesn't have a name yet. And she's too involved with one of the other characters from Arrie's story for me to talk about her too much...

OOPS now I have revealed my secret which is that I have a whole STASH of OCs that I never talk about lol.

Anyway, I love hearing about all your characters! Thank you for sharing them with me! 💕

[forabeatofadrum]

Just Some Guy (7/9)

AO3

–

Year 7

MATT

I had a lot to think about this summer. I didn’t see Leslie at all, since she spent the entire summer break visiting family in Brazil.

But I think John is right.

I may or may not like Leslie. And yes, I think she likes me back. Ever since I started mentioning Agatha, she’s been weird about it. I thought it was just her (rightfully) pointing out casual sexism, but maybe it’s also jealousy.

I think I also may have liked her longer than I thought. Apart from John, I gravitate to her the most. She’s funny and cool and nice.

When I told John that I was oblivious to my feelings, he said “Ah, just like Simon Snow”, didn’t elaborate on that, and asked me what I wanted to do about it.

Well, I am going to do something about it. It’s our first day back at Watford, so also my first day seeing Leslie again in person. I am not a romantic person. I am not a grand gesture person. I am just some guy with a rose that Ryan gave me, plucked from the Watford garden he’s tending.

I walk towards the Cloisters, head high and shoulders back. I can do it. This doesn’t have to be a big thing. I’m not going to give a speech. I am just going to ask if she wants go out with me this weekend.

The Cloisters are in sight. I take a deep breath. I can do this. I take a step forward-

- and am immediately knocked off my feet, because Simon fucking Snow runs past me at high speed.

“Simon, the Seventh Oak isn’t-” I don’t hear more of what Penelope Bunce is yelling, because she also runs past me at high speed. She doesn’t even see me.

I’m on the ground. My rose has fallen out of my hand and it’s been trampled by the two of them.

I know they’re probably saving the world and what not, but at this moment I wish I the Humdrum would just end them.

--

Ryan gives me another rose, although he tells me that if he plucks more of them, he might lose his job.

“Blame Simon Snow!” I say.

“Being run over by Simon Snow is a fucking dream to me, mate,” Ryan says back before wishing me good luck with Leslie and walking away.

Right.

At least my crush on Agatha Wellbelove has subdued since the last year. Ryan is still gagging after the great Chosen One.

Luckily, by the time I see Leslie, I have not been run over by anyone, so I flawlessly ask her out. Well, not really. It wasn’t flawless, but it worked! Leslie wears the rose in her hair for the rest of the day. All our friends are glad for us, especially Sam, who apparently has had to hear Leslie’s pining for years.

“Shut up, Sam,” Leslie ducks her head in embarrassment. But she laughs. And so do I. It’s all great.

--

Having a girlfriend is great.

Having a job not so much.

Miss Possibelf was very satisfied with my work, so when I applied at her office job for another year, she said yes. It’s the same boring job as last year, but it passes the time, although I now have Leslie to hang with in my spare time.

Right now, Miss Possibelf is out on the Great Lawn doing some sort of ceremony, so it’s just me. That’s why I am surprised when the door opens, albeit for a brief moment. I don’t know who the fuck opened the door, but I do know that they just threw a fucking polecat into the office. The door immediately slams shut and I am all alone with a very angry looking polecat.

The polecat is growling and clawing at the door.

This is bad news. I learnt about them in Magickal Biology class and when calm, they’re quite pleasant, but when angry, they are super dangerous.

I look at the window. I can open it, but the office is on the second floor and I cannot cast a Float like a butterfly on myself. Still, it doesn’t hurt to look for an escape route and I might risk falling two stories, because this polecat is angry.

I shuffle towards the window and immediately realise my mistake. I made noises. I look over my shoulder and yes, the polecat is now running towards me.

I let out a shriek and start running around the office. The polecat tries to jump on me. At one point, it manages to dig its claws into my trousers and I drag it around the office. I am beyond grateful that these trousers are wide, so the polecat didn’t actually claw my leg.

Where the fuck did this polecat even come from? Who did this to me? It’s clear that the person responsible thought the office was empty, since Miss Possibelf is publicly on the Great Lawn, but for Crowley’s sake, does no one think of the cleaners? (I am a cleaner in this situation.)

I shake the polecat off, ripping my trousers in the process, but I am willing to make that sacrifice. The office is a mess by now. All the stacks of papers that I have ordered have already toppled over. I mentally apologise to Miss Possibelf before climbing on her high desk. I kick the chair away, so that the polecat cannot jump on it and then join me on the desk.

“Help!” I yell, but who would randomly check Miss Possibelf’s office when she’s out? I take out my wand and start flinging spells left and right. “Sod off. Back away. Stay put!”

The polecat must be amazing at dodging, because it manages to avoid every spell. My spells are erratic and I hit parts of the office.

Fuck, I am so fired after this.

After I don’t know how long, the door opens again.

“Miss Possibelf?” Simon Snow pokes his head in.

“Simon Snow, save me!” I yell pathetically.

Simon’s eyes widen as he takes in what’s happening. He sees the mess of the office. He sees me, trembling on the desk.

Unfortunately, he sees the polecat a second too late, because by the time his eyes fall on it, the polecat is jumping towards him with its teeth bared and claws out.

“Fuck!” Simon yells when the polecat jumps on his chest. I see it dig its claws in Simon’s Watford jumper and it tries to gnaw at Simon’s chin.

“Simon!” I yell out.

But Simon’s skin already starts shimmering. I don’t know what I am more afraid of: the polecat or Simon Snow going full nuclear with me in the room.

Fuck me.

But Simon doesn’t go off. Instead he puts both hands on the polecat’s wriggling body and rips it from his chest. His jumper gets ripped in the process. I stare at him in shock. I am not surprised Simon Snow has killer upper arm strength, since he is a talented swordsman, but damn.

The polecat is still incredibly angry, so it fights back. I’m stood on Miss Possibelf’s desk and I watch Simon wrestle this fucking animal like a madman.

Then I have an idea.

“The window!” I say.

Simon looks at me and then at the closed window, and knows what I mean.

I jump off the desk and run towards the window to open it. Simon managed to hold the polecat above his head and runs towards the now open window. He throws the polecat out of it. The two of us watch it fall down.

It lands on its feet and runs off, so I let out a relieved sigh and think it’s over. Simon disagrees. He nods towards me, climbs on the windowsill and jumps after the polecat.

I don’t think the Chosen One can fly.

And I am right, but Simon does land on his feet. Crowley, that must be painful for his ankles. I watch him run after the polecat, now with sword in hand, till he’s out of sight. A while later, I can see the burst of Simon’s magic coming from somewhere. He’s gone off after all, and I even feel bad for the polecat.

Meanwhile, I am left alone in the messed up office. I turn to look around and inspect the damage.

I don’t get paid enough for this shit.

--

We all get a special class from Dr. Bunce, the father of Penelope Bunce, about the dead spots. Some kids in this classroom already had to move because their homes got hit by the Humdrum. One of the bigger dead spots is very close to Scott’s house.

Dr. Bunce shows us the newest dead spot and I frown at the date. That’s the day I got attacked by the polecat.

By now I know Baz Pitch was behind it (Arsehole.), since Simon Snow came to tell me, so it wasn’t the Humdrum or anything. Why did I have to get caught up in their bullshit?

At least I didn’t get fired, because Miss Possibelf understood that it was out of my hands. She still believes it was the Humdrum’s doing, so that helps. I didn’t get a raise, though. Circe, how greedy is this school? I should be suing them for emotional damages. And for a new set of trousers.

Anyway, Dr. Bunce is trying to encourage us to study his phenomenon after Watford and maybe even join his team on the Coven, and sure, I did just figure out that the Humdrum maybe wasn’t responsible for those dead spots, but this isn’t my life. His daughter can do this wacky shit. I zone out for the rest of the class.

--

Unfortunately I cannot zone out during Magic Words, because of Simon goddamn Snow, as usual. No, he’s not leaking more magic than usual, but someone’s tampered with his wand and his spell exploded in his face.

Baz Pitch, as usual, laughed.

I watch Simon and Baz fight, as usual, and the teacher trying to calm them down, as usual. After all these years, I am sort of done with this. I mean, I’ve been done with their bullshit for longer, but come on, at this point it’s just childish how Baz Pitch tries to get a reaction out of him.

John and I exchange a glance. He also looks so bored.

By now, I find their rivalry more annoying than the Humdrum trying to destroy the World of Mages. Yes, Simon Snow is the Saviour of the Magickal World, but can’t he be the Saviour of the Relationship Between Him and Baz first?

I am here trying to get an education, but of course, they mess it up.

At moments like this, I wish I still had a phone. But Leslie has a solution. She passes me a note where she complains about the situation. I smile and take out my pen to write a reaction.

That’s how I spend the majority of this class: passing notes with my girlfriend while the Chosen One and the Pitch Heir verbally murder each other.

--

I don’t go the leaving ceremony this time. John and Arnold are going, but hey, I have a girlfriend now.

Leslie has always complained about the gender barriers of the dorms being archaic and exclusive, and yes, true, but now it’s also annoying we cannot sneak off to our rooms. John is gone, for Merlin’s sake!

So instead we have to make do with a secluded area at the Ancient Yewtrees, also known as the make out spot of Watford.

We shoo some younger couple away.

We’re kissing and it’s a lot. She’s on top of me. I manage to slip my hand underneath her top and she lets me. I really, really wish we were in a more private place.

Crowley, I don’t want to lose my virginity here out in the open.

Especially when the inner gates fly open and hordes of people run onto the Great Lawn, frantically screaming and what not.

“The Humdrum!”

“It’s the Humdrum!”

“The Insidious Humdrum is here!”

“Help, oh Circe, help us!”

It’s chaos.

Leslie jumps off me and in the string of panic, we start panicking too. We don’t even care about looking presentable. We run as well. I hold Leslie’s hand and we just keep running. John and Arnold eventually find us in the crowd and the four of us try to get as far away from Watford as possible.

“Come on, kids,” an adult says and I think he’s Arnold’s dad. We follow him to his car and leave.

--

Later, it turns out it was a false alarm. Simon Snow and Penelope Bunce had barged into the White Chapel, looking like they’d just been through war, and people automatically assumed the Humdrum had followed them.

I mean, they did get attacked by the Humdrum. They apparently even saw the Humdrum. But the Humdrum didn’t attack Watford that day.

Can’t believe Simon Snow fucking cockblocked me with his Chosen One shit.

--

End notes: A huge thank you to Dre @cutestkilla for coming up with the idea of Matt being there during the polecat debacle. This, and the Chimera charring Matt's precious bird, got me back into this fic after a year of not working on it.

And here we are. Next week is the finale, aka the final year + the epilogue. Oh Matty, get ready.

[hummingbirdsinjune]

My School President Ep 12 thought dump (there are spoilers)

- The relief that Tinn's mom didn't force him to come out is astronomical. There is a very clear difference in Gun's comfort with his mom, and Tinn's reservation with his own parents. It's so so so important for him to come out on his own terms and a very big step for her to realize that when she saw how nervous he was.

- Tinn's mom forever. I'm actually glad we meet her as his mom in MSP before MLC because I have a feeling we really won't like her in MLC.

- That honest conversation queer youth has about knowing not everyone is accepting. So important coming from Gunn, to support Tinn after Tinn has supported him all this tim

- I don't know if I can watch this because Tiw's faces are too funny

- That's right Tiw take the credit you deserve

- The girlies returned!! Sob they're so cute

- Tinn entering his angry at the world arc in the last episode is wild. Now that he doesn't have Gun's success to focus on, I imagine he's going to dismantle the government.

- not the TANDEM BIKE on god that's the wildest thing in this show

- Tinn really said "you miss 100% of the chances you don't take"

- AH. AH. NSKXKGKSKSIC WHAT.

- Sigh. I hope the stress doesn't last long lmao

- "Sound and I have no secrets" excuse me while I go cry

- Pat lmao right to the point. Por being so dumb. Yo finally using his 1 braincell. I love these kids.

- Gunn's friends 🤝 love, support, and happiness

-;Gun trying to help Tinn like just break my heart already

- oh yes more umbrella gays

- no I don't like crying gun I physically can't handle it

- aww so much of the school being supportive even though it's very weird to take and share photos of people without them saying it's okay but w/e you know for the sake of fiction

- literally stopping every 30 seconds to laugh at Chinzilla cooing over each other

- damn they really called us out about GunTinn or TinnGun lmao (yeah yeah Gun said GunTinn but of course he would. I'll stick with TinnGun)

- Obviously we knew from the preview that the comically bad guidance counselor is actually a close minded, judgemental person but it doesn't stop it from being shocking

- OH MY GOD IT WASNT TINN THROWING HANDS (screaming into the void)

- See this is why I refrained from saying anything bad about Kajorn. He's always been ripe for a character arc.

- Tinn's mom took her development in strides. I've been disappointed in her, and I am very proud of her. She just needed the time to adjust how she was looking

- I will live and die for happy Kajorn he's been uptight this whole series

- hehe SoundWin

- Here I was in my feeling about this being almost over and I'm not actually in part 4 yet lmao

- ep 12 is long AF lmao

- my soul. The TiwPor glances

- did they never get juniors? LOL the music club is doomed

- ayyyye Win get your man yes sir 🤭

- the contrast of kissing in this episode compared to the entire season has me like 😳 y'all I'm GROWN

- aw Pat 😂

- sound just?? Left his guitar?? that HE brought to school instead of a backpack?

- actually not hearing Tinn sing more is a crime

- Tinn's dad is such a dad lmfao

- Tinn 🤝 Tinn's Dad 🤝 The Thunder

- Gun you menace

-GUN

- no official TiwPor 😭

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...And the Curse of Cindy

I think we can start by saying that none of us believe that Ezekiel was in love with Cindy. That was preposterous and there was no reason for that to be the reason he wasn’t madly in love with her after a love potion. 

“We really need to find wider door!” Yes Ezekiel, agreed. Ah yes, Flynn immediately complaining about Ezekiel’s use of time. Cassandra handing the flower back and Ezekiel keeps it is very big brother behavior. Ezekiel complaining that it’s not a selfie, sweetheart there are more important issues at hand. Flynn immediately falling under the spell is peak Flynn. 

Ezekiel being unable to identify why he recognizes her. We have all be there! I just feel like watching the same video of yourself over and over is not good for you. “This could get irritating.” That’s going to be your feelings this whole mission. Jake telling Ezekiel to go as though he could actually do any better. Then the smirk. It’s too bad they get caught. 

It is incredibly funny that Ezekiel starts knicking stuff as they wait in Cindy’s room. Jacob Stone telling Ezekiel Jones to stay strong, calling him a beta; boy you have no idea what you’re talking about. “Stay strong.” Jake says before he falls under her spell. Ezekiel just appalled and confused. Ezekiel trying to just say he also fell under her spell and then just asks where he knows her from. Our boy is getting all of the information right now. Ezekiel ready to start beating people down for giving up The Library. He should have. 

I’m dying! Eve: Fine, you two stay here. She likes Ezekiel better anyway. And then they DO care and believe her. Why? Why are you more concerned about Ezekiel than literally anything else that has been happening?!? 

Ezekiel having his priorities straight by filming Jake and Flynn as they go on and on about Cindy. He’s having so much fun with that. Hold on. Mr. Jenkins actually bringing up that Ezekiel was with Jake the whole time and he was unaffected and our boy admitted “she’s not my type.” Jenkins being cryptic again. Eve just getting all up in Ezekiel’s personal space as she smells him and he just agrees that it’s weird but lets her do it. 

Kind of like a wild pack of Beliebers. I have no idea what that means. That was a very cute interaction. Then that whole exchange about Jones being obsessed with himself (first of all he looked very fond when he said that). That’s just factually untrue and it’s kind of annoying that that is what he picks and the others all believe. “No! Jenkins I’m immune! I don’t need any of your funky junk remember!” ‘Yes. I remember.” He looked like he was so fondly amused right as he said that. Jenkins, you’re not fooling us. It’s okay to actually like Ezekiel. 

It’s really comical that no one has removed Flynn’s gloves. He’s stuck with the yellow rubber gloves until he wakes back up as himself. And then Jenkins makes Stone and Flynn fall in love with each other. Which I think Ezekiel would have found endlessly entertaining. 

I love that Ezekiel breaks into the room and just watches to see what’s going on. Eve and Cassandra just falling for the witch without even really questioning it. Girls, you just walked right into that. And then he breaks out of his cover because he realized where he recognized her from. “Because I already love, trust, and believe in someone so much I could never be swayed. And that person, is me.” “I don’t need other people to make me believe in myself to validate me” Ezekiel out here telling us all that you can love yourself and believe in yourself and anything is possible. 

And then he tried to convince her that her plan doesn’t make any sense. Working to get her to see how her ‘plan’ didn’t make any sense and wasn’t really a plan at all. And here we get our first insight into the backstory of Ezekiel Jones. In the 3rd season in the 7th episode...”I am just like you. I grew up dirt poor. We had nothing. Other kids laughed at me because of what I wore and where I lived. So I decided one day that if this world isn’t going to give me what I wanted, I would take it. So I became a thief. And not just any thief, I became the greatest thief that ever lived. And you know what? No matter how much I stole, I always needed to steal more. When you allow a hole in your heart to grow that big? It can never be filled.” Man if he didn’t break all of our hearts right there. 

She really was convinced that those people all loved her and our boy had to set her straight. I’m absolutely sure that Ezekiel was thinking back to the rage people, and the werewolves when those people went crazy. But then he gets back in there and saves her. He wasn’t about to let her be trapped in that. “Magic corrupts.” He was speaking as a true Librarian at that moment. 

Everyone freaking out, Cassandra runs for the controls, Ezekiel follows “eeny meeny miney..” “Moe!” Colonel Baird saving the day!! Mama Baird couldn’t let her baby bird be flying in the dark. Ezekiel grabbing Cindy and pulling her out of the way. Jenkins showing up with a spray gun and hosing everyone down. He for sure enjoyed that. And of course the witch was possessed by Apep. Zeke, buddy, you don’t have to keep holding her up. It’s very chivalrous of you though. 

I can understand if Cindy fell in love with Ezekiel. Asking how he filled the hole in his heart, “it’s not about who, or how many people love you. It’s about who you love. I finally found the right ones worthy of mine.” He’s so freaking cute!!! You just admitted you like the people you work with baby. And then he gets all tongue tied. Cindy, girl, he was not expecting that. then they’re all in the Annex laughing at Flynn and Stone. Jenkins and Cassandra are very sweet. I don’t ship them. But they are very sweet. Freaking Jacob Stone. Why would you think that Ezekiel was in love with someone he never met before? You two have healthy egos too, no, you were full of yourselves, he loves himself. He’s not fake, he doesn’t pretend to be anyone else. He just is who he is. 

Him getting ahold of some of the love potion is very curious. I do wonder why he took it. And then we see that DOSA has no clue what they’re doing. Naturally.