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wintersshowers · 1 year ago

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RONAN and ADAM and... ETHEL CAIN

(trust me its gonna be so good)

My thoughts on “crush” by Ethel Cain and The Raven Cycle (because my niche right now is rereading the raven cycle for the first time in 4 years and I just happened to see Ethel live and I cannot stop connecting them)

As a prelude to my lyric/quote breakdown… Ethel Cain is a trans woman who writes hauntingly beautiful music.. She is religious and from the south, which is a HUGE part of why it is so undeniably apparent to me that she can be connected to specifically RONAN (gay catholic from the south with his barn house). Her music is so amazing and she is an awesome story teller so I hope you give her a listen.

Her most popular song CRUSH is so goddam Ronan and Adam I had to write this because I needed to put it somewhere.

“His window's already passed, so he's shooting at the glass

Keeping guns in his locker, and he denies it

Like it's actually important, but he lied 'cause I sure did watch him

Showing up wearing black, and he knows that”

His daddy's on death row, but he'll say it with his chest, though”

This is just very Ronan angst i don't feel like i need to explain..

“His friends move dope, he hasn't tried coke

But he's always had a problem saying no”

OKKK soooooo lets get into the the dream thieves helloooo

Yes Kavinsky and Ronan’s relationship is very hard to define but whatever it is he takes up a lot of his time in dream thieves.. And he loves coke (or whatever the hell he dreamt up)… and Ronan is VERY BAD at saying no when it comes to any sort of challenge from Kavinsky.

OK NOW LETS GET INTO THE GOOD STUFF

“Can you read my mind? I've been watching you.”

“As they moved through the old barn, Adam felt Ronan’s eyes glance off him and away, his disinterest practiced but incomplete. Adam wondered if anyone else noticed.”

“Adam finally sat down on one of the pews. Laying his cheek against the smooth back of it, he looked at Ronan. Strangely enough, Ronan belonged here, too, just as he had at the Barns. This noisy, lush religion had created him just as much as his father's world of dreams; it seemed impossible for all of Ronan to exist in one person. Adam was beginning to realize that he hadn't known Ronan at all. Or rather, he had known part of him and assumed it was all of him.

The scent of Cabeswater, all trees after rain, drifted past Adam, and he realized that while he'd been looking at Ronan, Ronan had been looking at him.”

“When he opened his eyes, he saw that Ronan was looking at him, as he had been looking at him for months. Adam looked back, as he had been looking back for months.”

“Couldn't fight to save your life, but you look so cool”

“I’ve watched the evening news, Adam,” Gansey snapped. “Why don’t you let Ronan teach you to fight? He’s offered twice now. He means it.” With great care, Adam folded the greasy rag and draped it back over a toolbox. There was a lot of stuff in the carport. New tool racks and

calendars of topless women and heavy-duty air compressors and other things Mr. Parrish had decided were more valuable than Adam’s school

uniform. “Because then he will kill me.”

“Good men die too, oh, I'd rather be with you, you, you”

“See, Adam Parrish is wantable, worthy of a crush, not just by anyone, someone like Ronan, who could want Gansey or anyone else and chose Adam for his hungry eyes.”

HELLOOOOOOOOo are u kidding….

1st Gansey is the definition of a “good man”

2nd Adam is OBSESSED WITH THIS the whole damn series and is constantly attempting to model himself/who he wishes he was after gansey

3rd to tie it all together… the whole series its like oh yea gansey is about to die (along with everyone else if we are being real)

“I owe you a black eye and two kisses

Tell me when you wanna come and get 'em”

PLEASEEEEEE like this is MY WAY of describing the ANGST and SLOWWWWWburn of their relationship. When I hear her sing this I cannot help but giggle and kick my feet because of how amazingly it fits.

“I only want him if he says it first to me”

"It was Adam’s ribs under Ronan’s hands and Adam’s mouth on his mouth, again and again and again. It was stubble on his lips and Ronan having to stop, to get his breath, to restart his heart. They were both hungry animals, but Adam had been starving for far longer.”

We all know the Ronan longing and it being a HUGE secret that he likes Adam... and Adam like knows and its like lol embarrassing (as if he isn't down bad as well)

ADAM is like oblivious to the legitimacy of his feelings until ronan gives him a little kissssss and then it's like he is all like “what is love”

“He looks like he works with his hands, and smells like Marlboro Reds”

HELLOOOOOo this is so adam are u kidding

“Ronan crossed his arms to wait, just looking. At Adam's fine cheekbones, his furrowed fair eyebrows, his beautiful hands, everything washed out by the light. He had memorized the shape of Adam’s hands in particular: the way his thumbs jutted awkwardly, boyishly; the roads of prominent veins; the large knuckles that protruded from his long fingers. In dreams Ronan put them to his mouth.”

“Adam twisted off the lid. Inside was a colorless lotion that smelled of mist and moss. Replacing the lid with a frown, he turned the container over, looking for more identifying features. On the bottom, Ronan's handwriting labeled it merely: manibus. For your hands.”

“Something's been feeling weird lately

There's just something about you, baby (there's just something about you, baby)

Maybe I'll just be crazy (I'll be crazy)

And piss him off 'til he hates me

Yeah right, he fucking loves me”

…… do i even need to say anything??

#the raven cycle #the raven king #the raven boys #richard gansey #gansey #ronan lynch #adam parrish #blue sargent #the dream thieves #the dreamer trilogy #adam and ronan #pynch #noah czerny #richard campbell gansey iii #Spotify

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lidiabob · 2 years ago

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“adam parrish was the person ronan cared about more than anyone else in the world” - okay so you want me to die. so you want me to never feel happiness again.

#they’re so in love i feel sick #PYNCH U ARE CRAZY

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campbellsoupgansey · 2 years ago

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"adam parrish was the person ronan cared about more than anyone else in the world." BITING OUGGGGGGHHH

live blogging my reading of greywaren let's go

#sasha speaks

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wyvernwinds · 2 years ago

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ADAM PARRISH WAS THE PERSON RONAN CARED MORE ABOUT THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD

#LIKE UR FUCKING KIDDING ME #MARGARET.#greywaren spoilers #greywaren #adam parrish #ronan lynch #trc #tdt #the dreamer trilogy

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softkostyk · 2 years ago

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Welcome to my ✨ chaotic ✨ notes and analysis on Chapter 20 of Blue Lily, Lily Blue (The Raven Cycle #3) aka the superior #Pynch chapter. Keep in mind there will be SPOILERS for future books as well! I haven’t read TRK or CDTH yet but I’ve spoiled myself things 🫣 *Taylor Swift voice* Don’t say I didn’t warn ya! HERE WE GO!

Just me losing my s*it at these six words — but this is something I will dive into in more detail later, it’s interesting to stop and think about all the reasons Ronan took Adam and not someone else to the Barns. Just a thought 🫣

THIS PART. Not only it’s foreshadowing for them moving to the Barns together, not only it’s heartbreaking because Adam never had a real home — but Ronan himself will become a synonym of home for Adam. Maggie Stiefvater you freaking genius. As a bonus, Ronan picking up plums for both of them might seem insignificant, but it’s in little acts like these that he shows how deeply he cares about Adam. So yes your honor a plum made me emotional and WHAT ABOUT IT.

UHM EXCUSE YOU I NEED AN INHALER??? I literally screamed. Adam has been noticing Ronan’s (gorgeous) eyes lingering on him. Which means he’s been looking as well — these two are just goddamn magnets 😩 and then, Adam freaking Parrish proceeds to IMAGINE RONAN HAVING A CRUSH ON HIM uhm sir that is very bisexual of you!!! “Not just by anyone, someone like Ronan” — somebody hold me while I sob — “chose Adam for his hungry eyes” oh baby boy he chose you for that and so much more. 🫶 honorable mention to “all casual” DHSJJS we have a case of idiots to lovers my friends

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll get hurt” = “I’m afraid you’ll get hurt” 🫠

Then this whole description about how Ronan is the literal best and most selfless person in the world who would literally d*e for his friends and constantly puts them first (and Adam knows that). No I will take no criticism on this.

Adam being in awe of Ronan? Relatable but also makes my heart go 💞💕💗 HE FINDS HIM HANDSOME can we take a second to lie down and take that in??? Okay. We can proceed now.

“Tell me what I’m missing” because again, Ronan thinks so highly of Adam. Ugh 🥺 Can we just appreciate these contrasts??? Fair and cautios / dark and incendiary. THE SOULMATERY OF IT ALL. ❤️‍🔥

This part. The part that had me crying actual tears. Ronan confides in Adam with what’s most precious to him in the world — his family, Matthew (baby angel) in particular. Ronan once again proves he deserves so much love (while we wait for Adam to give it to him) and Adam can’t help but think about how devoted Ronan is. Well. If anyone needs me I’ll get over this in the next 3-5 months.

This is just so freaking sweet. Their shoulders were close (and they liked it that way because I am hereby deciding this is a metaphor for how they will lean on each other forever ha ha). 💗

In conclusion: Adam thinks Ronan is handsome, devoted, dark, incendiary, incredible (he doesn’t say the word but it’s obvious alright).

This is not in Ronan’s pov, but we know Ronan thinks Adam is smart(er than him), trustworthy, elegant, strong.

I can’t wait to watch their love bloom 🥺

Let me know if you enjoyed this (I can’t answer directly from this acc because it’s my side blog but my main is kklainesmalec!) and if you’d like for me to do the same with other pynch chapters! 💗

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jellybeanbeing · 4 years ago

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The Raven Boys Quotes

I actually forgot how much I love this series and I recently have been looking through them again so here are some quotes that are my favorite and/or resonate with me.

“His heart hurt with the wanting of it, the hurt no less painful for being difficult to explain.” (20)

“What he meant by this was that he was worried that one day someone would fall on Ronan and cut themselves.” (38)

“It was somehow intimate in its complete lack of privacy.” (42)

“His code of honor left no room for infidelity, for casual relationships. It wasn’t that he didn’t condone them; he couldn’t understand them.” (49)

“Gansey could’ve had any and all of the friends that he wanted. Instead he had chosen the three of them, three guys who should’ve, for three different reasons, been friendless.” (50)

“Because it was never Ronan by himself, it was Ronan as part of the inseparable threesome: Ronan Lynch, Richard Gansey, and Adam Parrish.” (53)

“There was something hungry about all of the boys.” (58)

“They wore matching raw expressions. Different wounds inflicted by the same weapon.” (73)

“It was only Gansey who seemed afraid that Ronan would learn to live in the dirt.” (75)

“What she wanted was to see something no one else could see or would see, and maybe that was asking for more magic than was in the world.” (79)

“More than anything, the journal wanted.” (84)

“It had been a long time ago, but also, it was no time at all.” (91)

“Sometimes, Gansey felt like his life was made up of a dozen hours that he could never forget.” (91)

“Everyone dreamed, only some forgot.” (97)

“There was something about his stare that took something from the other person.” (115)

“So many things survived here without really living.” (133)

“Gansey could see his irises moving underneath the thin skin of his eyelids, a dreamer awake.” (135)

“Gansey. This was Gansey.” (140)

“They filled the hallway to overflowing, somehow the three of them, loud and male and so comfortable with one another that they allowed no one else to be comfortable with them.” (140)

“It also made her feel strangely jealous; she wanted something like that, a bond strong enough to transcend words.” (144)

“’I don’t have a brother, ma’am,’ Adam replied. But Blue saw his eyes dart to Gansey.” (145)

“The approval of someone like him, who clearly cared for no one, seemed like it would be worth more.” (146)

“Something about Gansey made her feel so strongly other that it was as if she had to guard her emotions against him.” (148)

“In this room with Maura and Calla and Persephone, time felt circular.” (149)

“But more than that, he missed the Ronan that had existed when Niall Lynch had still been alive.” (159)

“‘Do you not want me to come?’ Something stuck in Gansey’s chest. ‘I would take all of you anywhere with me.’” (163)

“And now Gansey was king here, and he didn’t even know how to use it.” (174)

“Adam wouldn’t admit it to anyone, least of all Gansey, but he was tired.” (186)

“‘If magic exists, I just want to see it. Just once.’ ‘You’re as bad as Gansey,’ Adam said, but he didn’t sound as if he thought that was very bad at all.” (193)

“‘Is this thing safe?’ ‘Safe as life.’” (195)

“It was some private joy that she managed to be in on by virtue of being in the helicopter and, just like that, Blue was excited, too.” (197)

“The journal and Gansey were clearly long-acquainted, and he wanted her to know. This is me. The real me.” (205)

“You’re right, Ronan, it’s starting, something’s starting.” (207)

“It was suddenly difficult not to be excited by the idea of explaining it all to her.” (208)

“Gansey grinned at them both. He was hard to resist in this form: glowing with rows and rows of white teeth, a college brochure in the making.” (213)

“Everything was alive, alive. She breathed. ‘This is lovely.’ It was for Adam, not Gansey, but she saw Gansey glance over his shoulder at her.” (219)

“This was a wordless discussion, too, though she didn’t think either of the boys knew what they were trying to say.” (222)

“Gansey looked up to them, and she saw in his face that he loved this place. His bald expression held something new: not the raw delight of finding the ley line or the sly pleasure of teasing Blue. She recognized the strange happiness that came from loving something without knowing why you did, that strange happiness that was sometimes so big that it felt like sadness. It was the way she felt when she looked at the stars.” (223)

“She felt like she was part of a dream this place was having, or it was a part of a dream of hers.” (225)

“Gansey had a sense of incredible rightness, then, with everyone assembled by the Pig... She was right like Ronan had been right, like Adam had been right, like Noah had been right.” (232)

“...and they were loud and triumphant and kings of Henrietta, because they’d found the ley line and because it was starting, it was starting.” (234)

“As Adam stared at his lap, penitent, he mused that there was something musical about Ronan when he swore, a careful and loving precision to the way he fit the words together, a black-painted poetry. It was far less hateful sounding than when he didn’t swear.” (238)

“Now, it was real. Magic existed, and Adam didn’t know how much that changed the world.” (241)

“This, Blue had discovered, was how Gansey got places—striding. Walking was for ordinary people.” (264)

“Ronan says that memories are like dreams.” (269)

“This was Gansey who had written the journal. The truth of it, the magic of it, possessed her.” (271)

“’You’re looking for a god. Didn’t you suspect that there was also a devil?’” (284)

“He wasn’t lost for words; he was observing.” (302)

“‘I want you to know, I was... more... when I was alive.’” (305)

“‘Coincidence,’ Ronan said, because it wasn’t.” (307)

“But it was him. He was giving everything that he’d worked for away.” (316)

“‘If you’d just asked,’ Gansey said, ‘I would’ve told you everything in there. I would’ve been happy to. It wasn’t a secret.’” (316)

“And his journal. He felt raw: the chronicle of his fiercest desires stripped from him by force.” (318)

“It’s got a lot of energy, so it’s like having you in the room all the time. But it’s like your boys. It’s quite loud.’ My boys! Blue thought, first in a huff, then flattered, then in a huff again.” (327)

“Above him, the stars were brutal and clear.” (338)

“Gansey was just a guy with a lot of stuff and a hole inside him that chewed away more of his heart every year.” (351)

“They were always walking away from him. But he never seemed able to walk away from them.” (351)

“He was full of so many wants, too many to prioritize, and so they all felt desperate.” (370)

“...to belong somewhere, to go home, to go home, to go home.” (370)

“Cabeswater was as literal as Ronan was.” (382)

“‘Onward and upward.’” (390)

#trc #the raven cycle #the raven boys #the dream thieves #blue lily lily blue #the raven king #maggie stiefvater #richard campbell gansey iii #gansey #blue sargent #ronan lynch #adam parrish #noah czerny #book quotes #books

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parrishands · 2 years ago

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ADAM PARRISH WAS THE PERSON RONAN CARED ABOUT MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD

#the dreamer trilogy #greywaren #greywaren spoilers #IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS IM SO SANE I

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willowbird · 4 years ago

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Congrats!! If you want, how about the first time Ronan sleeps over at St. Agnes? Like the pining!!

Yay! I was SO EXCITED to get a Ronan/Adam ask!! I may have gone a little overboard with the pining, but I hope you still like it <3 <3 This is actually my first Pynch ficlet! I hope you like it! Lemme know if you think I should post it on AO3 ^^; Since it’s my first time actually writing them and I haven’t read the books as many times as I’ve read AFTG I hope it’s okay!

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Ronan bounced the rubber ball against the sloped ceiling from where he lay on Adam’s bed, waiting for the other boy to get out of the shower. He’d been out, just driving around with no discernable purpose or direction, when it came around that time for Parrish to get out of work so he’d swung by and picked him up. There’d been no reason to say no when Adam had asked if he wanted to come up for a while. After all, he and Adam were friends -- no matter how much they seemed to bicker -- and Ronan liked being at St. Agnes. Sometimes, it was honestly more satisfying to be there than it was to be at Monmouth. Nothing beat being at the Barnes, but still -- St. Agness had a particular energy, it always had.

After all, Ronan Lynch was no stranger to St. Agnes. The hours he’d spent in the quiet pews could stack together to build a universe apart from the rest of the world, a separate realm that even the horrors inside his own mind couldn’t touch. And yet, since Adam came to live there, the hallowed halls of that familiar place had developed a completely new,,, feeling that Ronan had no idea how to feel about.

A part of Ronan wanted to be pissed off about it.

A bigger part of Ronan was fascinated in the way that the travelers in his father’s stories had always been fascinated by the glow of will-o’-the-wisps between the branches of the deep woods and frosted bogs. The peace that the church had once given him was spiked with something else now, something that fizzed like pop-rocks under his skin, and as annoying as that was -- he really couldn’t say that he hated it.

Considering he knew that the fizz of... enchantment was most definitely caused by the boy now living in that small, slanted room above the church? No, he really couldn’t say that he hated it at all.

Not to say that Adam I’ll-be-independent-if-it-kills-me Parrish didn’t make him want to punch his fist through a fucking brick wall -- because he absolutely did. But there was also something... undeniably right about the boy taking up residence above the church. After all, the infuriating pest already lived full time inside his head, he might as well sleep in the building that housed Ronan’s soul as well. At least he was fucking consistent.

The shabby door connecting the bedroom to the tiny bathroom creaked open and Ronan caught the ball on its rebound and didn’t throw it again, instead turning his head to look as Adam entered the room.

He did not expect to see Adam walk into the bedroom in nothing but a towel and instantly looked back up at the ceiling, throwing the ball again with a bit more force than necessary. Only his quick reflexes saved him from losing a fucking eye. He tried not to think about the way the other boy’s skin had been flushed pink from the heat of the shower, his hair damp and pushed haphazardly back from his face, exposing cheekbones and eyes that...

Okay, he tried -- that didn’t mean he succeeded.

“Sorry, it’ll just be a minute. I forgot to grab something to change into.” Adam’s voice was soft, lilted with the Henrietta accent in the way that only happened when he was either really emotional or perfectly at ease. Ronan would never tell him how much he loved hearing the edge of gravel and wild country grass around his vowels, not on pain of death, but that didn’t make it any less true.

“Take your time, Parrish. I don’t fucking care.” No one needed to know that the sigh that followed was relief at how nonchalant he had managed to make the words, instead of the dry irritation it sounded like.

Adam huffed a soft laugh and Ronan could feel the eye-roll being directed at him. He didn’t bother to hide his grin, just gave it a bit more teeth as he tossed the ball up and caught it again.

It was only another few minutes before the door creaked open again and Adam came out -- this time fully clothed. Ronan caught the ball and sat up, scooting over so that Adam could come over and sit down, which the other boy did with a flourish and a groan.

“Ugh, I just do not wanna do homework.”

“Then don’t.” Ronan shrugged and bounced the ball on the floor this time, angling it slightly so that when it rebounded it went toward Adam.

Adam caught it easily and bounced it back, timed perfectly with a familiar scoff. “Some of us care about school, you know.” Ronan waited for a beat, but when Adam didn’t follow that up with chastisement or prod for him to start caring about school, he gave a small shrug.

“Sure, but tomorrow is Saturday. It isn’t like you’ve got anything due tomorrow. You just got off work, learn how to fucking relax.” He caught the ball and held it for a moment, tilting his head back as he mimicked a thoughtful expression. “Oh, oh that’s right, you don’t know how to relax.” He gave a deep, mournful sigh and bounced the ball back at him. “Shame, for man so smart to be missing such a vital real-life skill.”

“Ha ha, you’re hilarious,” Adam sniped back, but his words were sharpened more with amusement than irritation.

“Oh, I know. I’m a regular comedy special,” Ronan agreed readily. “But that, actually, was not a joke.” He could press here. He could remind Adam that his whole world didn’t need to be as rigid as he was making it to be. He could tell him that he could afford to take a break every now and then, that he deserved to chill the fuck out. But if he did that he risked sounding too much like Gansey or repeating an argument that neither of them probably felt like jumping into tonight. So instead, he caught the ball and cocked his head, studying the other boy curiously.

Then he asked, “Where would you go? If you could go anywhere in the world with no consequences. What would you do? And not to accomplish anything great or whatever -- I’m talking just for fun.”

Adam held up his hand for the ball and Ronan tossed it to him. His eyes caught on the way he began to roll it between his palms, those long fingers curling around it, bony wrists twisting to pass it from one hand to the other. Ronan had the sudden urge to brush his lips over the prominent bump in each wrist. Not in a kiss -- but just to feel the protrusion against his mouth.

“That’s pretty broad,” Adam said with a hum, oblivious to his distraction. “There’s a lot of places I could go.”

“That’s the point. There’s no consequences, no limits. You could go anywhere.” He dragged his gaze away from those hands but this time they caught on the exposed bit of Adam’s collarbone on the way up to his face. “So pick a place, Parrish. Never known you to be so indecisive.”

Adam’s eyes dropped from where they’d been thoughtfully searching the ceiling, locking onto his as he flashed a sharp smirk. That expression cut him right between the ribs, twisted, and nestled in nice and deep for the winter -- because this, this was the Adam Parrish he couldn’t stop thinking about. Everyone seemed to underestimate him. Everyone thought he was so soft, thought he was so polite and sweet and yeah sure, he was all of those things, but that was only one part of him. It was just the surface setting to the multiverse that was Adam Parrish, and this sharp, biting, cunning side of him was closer to his core. Ronan knew he was one of the only people who knew that side was there, and was probably the only person who truly understood how much a part of him that facet was.

“All right,” he said, his voice smooth and low and Ronan had the distinct certainty that if that sound were a drink it would be a spiked mulled cider, husky and tart in a way that made your head light and your chest warm. “I’ll play. But you go first. Where would you go? Somewhere outside of the States,” he added, before Ronan could say the Barnes -- because he was apparently that predictable.

Ronan rolled his eyes, but shrugged and slipped off the bed, laying on the floor beside the bed and pillowing his hands under his head as he thought. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Adam stretch out on the bed on his stomach, hugging a pillow and using it to prop his head up a bit as he looked down at Ronan. The feel of Adam’s full and undivided attention on him did things to his pulse he didn’t want to think about.

“Probably Ireland,” he finally said after a long moment of thought that was torn up and distributed between flickers of distraction caused by Adam’s silhouette in his peripheral, from the way his damp hair was falling into his eyes now that it was beginning to dry all the way to the slump of his broad shoulders and the sharp jut of his elbows against the cushions. There just really wasn’t any part of Adam Parrish that Ronan didn’t want to look at.

A soft huff of laughter had Ronan turning his head to look at him straight on and the amusement on the other boy’s face told him that he was being predictable again. Ronan frowned -- he didn’t like being predictable.

“Don’t give me that look. Tell me why, Ronan Lynch.” There was a teasing note in Adam’s voice, and if it were anyone else that would have brought Ronan’s back up -- would have made him snap his teeth and snarl. Coming from Adam, he had to give himself a moment so he didn’t trip over his own foolish tongue.

Somehow he managed to avoid that humiliation. Instead, he told Adam about Ireland through his father’s eyes. He told himself he didn’t care about the softening of Adam’s smile, that it did absolutely nothing to him to watch the other boy close his eyes and rest his cheek on the pillow, leaving himself vulnerable as he dipped into his own thoughts. Rather, he focused on the stories he was telling Adam, reliving them as he did his best impression of his father’s cadence and storyteller’s hum. He told him stories about the fair folk, the fey and the night creatures. He told him about the magic of each valley and river and dale. He shared his favorite tales about cheeky brownies and powerful, dangerous sidhe that became captivated by the bright, fleeting magic of a human’s ability to create.

Adam listened to each one, and that smile...? It never faded, not even once.

“It’s your turn,” Ronan finally said, when his heart was full and his lungs tight -- torn between the memories caused by those stories and these newer, more electric feelings caused by the proximity of Adam Parrish’s smile.

“Mm, I think... I think that if I were to go anywhere in the world I’d want to see high mountains. High mountains and dark woods. Deep lakes. Flowers that seem to have their own language between the brightness of their colors and the way they sway toward and away from each other in a wind that affects them and them alone. Butterflies that cast shadows like birds of prey...” As he spoke his words drew further and further apart, his tone drifting as fatigue from the long day dragged him down toward sleep.

Ronan held his breath, almost wanting to prod him for more -- because it was rare to hear Adam talk... well, like a dreamer. Adam was a boy who kept himself grounded so deeply in reality it was sometimes painful for Ronan to be around him. This secret side of him, this side of dreams and hope and wonder... it was a vulnerable side that he knew Adam wouldn’t be indulging in if he weren’t perfectly comfortable and probably way more tired than he’d originally thought he was. It was a side of him that Ronan had always known existed (you couldn’t chase a dead Welsh king without being at least part whimsy, no matter how charismatic Gansey was) but one that Adam kept very close to the chest.

“Mm... Ronan?” Adam’s voice was soft and sleep-slurred, his eyelashes shielding the color of his eyes, he was barely able to keep them open.

“Yeah?” Ronan’s voice was rough, even to his own ears, but Adam didn’t seem to notice.

“Do you think a place like that actually exists?” The question was light, but there was a raw, sweet shard of hope beneath the words that cut Ronan in a tender space below his throat.

“Yes,” Ronan promised with certainty, not even needing to think about it -- not even needing to question it. “I know it does.”

Adam’s eyes dropped all the way closed and he smiled, sighing in relief. That sigh transitioned directly into the deep, slow breaths of sleep.

Ronan knew that he should get up. Sleeping on the floor would give him one hell of a backache, and Adam hadn’t said he could stay over. He should get up and stretch, then drive back to Monmouth, where he should crawl into his own bed for the night -- or maybe stay up longer and bother Gansey, because fuck knew that guy didn’t understand the concept of a regulated sleeping schedule.

Instead, Ronan watched Adam until his own eyes just couldn’t stay open any longer. Then, from the floor of St. Agnes, beside the boy who called to him like a fire-sprite, Ronan dreamed. He dreamed of dark woods and flowers that seemed to have their own language, between their bright colors and the way they swayed in their own self-contained breezes. He dreamed of butterflies that cast shadows like birds of prey. He dreamed of safe places even in the dark woods -- and when Ronan dreamed... well, when Ronan dreamed, reality itself seemed to listen.

#asks #anon #trc #pynch #pynch fic #fanfic #adam parrish #ronan lynch #pining #trc fanfic #adam parrish x ronan lynch #sleepovers!#my writing #100 followers #the raven cycle

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hklnvgl · 4 years ago

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Hey! How are you? It's been a while since I sent you an ask 😅

Let's talks about Adam Parrish?

I always see around here that the fandom really believes Adam committed murder in TRB. I'm assuming they are talking about Whelk and how Adam let him die in Cabeswater. I went back to the book to read that part again and now I don't know what to think anymore!!!??

I didn't think it was Adam's fault at first, but maybe he really thought he was doing something right by letting him die, it was something he really did on purpose.

What do you think?

👋 i’m always down for talking about adam parrish! 🌿

i have honestly never believed adam murdered whelk but i’ve also seen those takes around and this was the perfect excuse to reread those few chapters so i come bearing proof!

so. first of all. context. whelk is threatening adam with a gun. to be more specific, robert parrish’s gun, which adam took and carried with him to monmouth, where he was staying temporarily after he was just left dead on one ear by his very-loving dad and thrown out of the only home he’s ever known by his also-very-loving mum. he’s also 17. he’s just seconds ago sacrificed himself to cabeswater, which is probably making stuff confusing in adam’s brain.

and then whelk shoots.

cabeswater saves adam. which brings me to my second point: cabeswater is angry. whelk wanted the ley line’s power without a sacrifice (or sacrificing other people). whelk wanted to steal from the ley line like kavinsky also did. he killed a boy and left his body and his car to rot in this forest. he’s just shot a gun at cabeswater’s brand new hands and eyes.

so. facts. a herd of animals appears and runs whelk over. we know this because blue and gansey saw them.

and then whelk is dead.

then gansey asks what happened. i think gansey only asks if adam shot whelk because he was a bit freaked out and mad because adam didn’t listen to him when he told everyone to stay put (he still thinks this is his hunt and therefore he should be able to call the shots) and adam of course stole his car and gansey has a very romanticized view of how the search for glendower and magic should go and this ugly thing happening doesn’t really fit (like that one brown sweater later on didn’t fit either).

so i think there are two possibilities here. either adam gained control of cabeswater in the six seconds this has been a thing and asked cabeswater to kill whelk in revenge for noah (and, you know, the whole kidnapping and shooting his friends and himself), which i don’t think is what happened because adam doesn’t learn to communicate with cabeswater until way later in the series, or—

adam just didn’t ask cabeswater not to kill whelk. which:

may not have worked either way (see above)

might have gotten him killed by the animals as well, since he didn’t go to the safety of the tree as the rest of them

does not make him a murderer! standing by and doing nothing makes him an accomplice at most, and arguably this is all self-defence (and he’s 17 so despite me knowing nothing about us law i’m going to say here he might not even have been convicted at all if there’d been any kind of trial??)

he was not the only one! blue, ronan and gansey were all there and they, very cleverly, hid away into safety when they saw the animal herd coming. they didn’t do anything either to save whelk.

now. gansey does feel terrible about whelk. adam doesn’t, and that’s where the fandom is coming from i guess.

and, actually, i do personally agree with gansey’s view on this (the him not feeling qualified to judge if a person is to live or die part)! but i also see where adam’s coming from, and i’m writing this from the comfort of my couch, and i haven’t just been violently threatened by anyone, or had a close friend killed in cold blood, or have just had my thoughts invaded by this sentient forest with no real concern for human lives.

this new reread has made me realize something else, too. adam is very adamant in pointing out whelk deserved what he got. he did very bad things and he got punished for them. adam is actually satisfied with this (the same way he didn’t feel sad when kavinsky died later), because it is proof that people who hurt other people don’t go roaming free unscathed, and even if it takes years there are consequences. so, in a way, he might be reassuring himself he did the right thing in both pressing charges against his father (bacause there is justice in the world, even if it’s slow to come) and giving himself up to this scary forest that just killed a man (because the forest cares about justice, so it will see that adam never deserved to be hurt).

and then later on cabeswater protects adam from his dad! i’m gonna go cry in a quiet corner now to try and process all the feelings this has awakened in me 🥺

tl;dr: adam’s not a murderer in my books! he just doesn’t regret whelk dying and it might read colder than that because that was a very stressful situation for all the characters and they all have reasons to be pissed!

#thank you so so so very much for this ask!!#i love talking about adam parrish 💛#the raven cycle #trc #adam parrish #ask #d

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ravencyclebigbang · 4 years ago

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Raven Cycle Big Bang 2020 Masterlist

The 2020 Raven Cycle/Call Down The Hawk Big Bang has come to a close!

Twenty-six teams (and some…) created a ton of great fanfic and fanart over the course of the event. When we started this event we couldn’t have known what 2020 would end up being, so our appreciation goes to all participants for being so resilient and marvellous and sticking with us until the very end.

A Big Bang is traditionally a fandom event that produces 10k+ words fan fictions and associated art, all fully complete. That’s all the reading and looking your art might desire!!!

Please make sure to show your love to all creators by commenting, kudosing and sending loving pigeons! And stay tuned, because we might have a little Post-Bang Giveaway ready for you…

We have an Ao3 collection in case you want to filter by tags and ratings and the like. Below the cut is a full master list of the various contributions to the TRC Big Bang, so they can be browsed with ease.

Team #1: that perilous stuff (which weighs upon the heart)

Fanfic: AO3 Art: Tumblr

Writer: @saywhatjessie (tumblr)/JessJesstheBest (AO3)

Artist: @pygmypouter (tumblr)

Beta: @rroguess (tumblr)

Synopsis: “Uh, Mr. Parrish? You’d like to read for Lady Macbeth?” Adam felt his eye twitch, even while he nodded. It was true that even at an all boy’s school where boys would have had to read the female parts, Adam probably wouldn’t have normally volunteered to read Lady Macbeth. But Ronan had called him a nerd. So he was prepared to be the biggest nerd Ronan had seen. “I know what I’m about, ma’am.” Or Ronan and Adam volunteer to read for Macbeth and Lady Macbeth in class. Shenanigans ensue.

Team #2: Uncanny Omens

Fanfic: AO3 | gthechangeling Art: Tumblr | drawfulneutral Art: Tumblr

Writer: @yesterdarling (tumblr)/YesterDarling (AO3)

Artist: @gthechangeling (tumblr)

Artist: @drawfulneutral (tumblr)

Beta: ghostangel (AO3)

Synopsis: The Forces of Heaven and Hell have always assumed that the world would end. More specifically, they always assumed the world would precisely end on a Saturday evening, just a few days after the Antichrist’s birthday. The Armies are forming, the Four Horsemen have been drawn out, and the Antichrist is coming into his full power. Yet not everyone longs for Armageddon. Adam and Ronan - an Angel and Demon living in rural Virginia - most certainly don’t want it to; not when Earth has so many libations that they’ve come to enjoy. Besides, Armageddon without humans having a say in the matter wouldn’t be fair, would it? With their livelihoods and the lives of Mankind on the line, they plot to throw a wrench in the Divine Plan. It’d go far easier if anyone knew where the Antichrist was, though.

Team #3: We seek someone to sew sutures in the places where we’re torn

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @blueseyforthesoul (tumblr)/kirani (AO3)

Artist: @thecorvidrotation (tumblr)

Synopsis: Gansey isn’t the half of his soulmate pair with a name, and Blue hasn’t said anything so he doesn’t think she has his name either. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a huge crush on the cute bassist of his roommate’s band. Shenanigans ensue.

Team #4: You Better Shape Up

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: stop_whining (AO3)

Artist: @attentionhoard (tumblr)

Synopsis: A Pynch fic inspired by the classic 1978 movie/musical Grease for TRC Big Bang 2020.

Team #6: Pranks and Pups!

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Instagram

Writer: @comfy-spot (tumblr)/RandyKorn (AO3)

Artist: manao.ri (instagram)

Synopsis: The end of winter break rolls around, and Ronan finds himself stuck in a depressive episode despite the miracle of having his friends all together once again. Blue and Henry bully him into a Platonic Date Night Extraordinaire (which isn’t so platonic on Henry’s part). There’s gelato, misdemeanors, dog piles, a duck, dance parties, and even a car chase - everything necessary to force one Ronan Lynch into admitting that he’s just as deserving of love and care as the rest of them.

Team #7: In gardens all wet with rain

Fanfic: AO3 | forestgeitart Art: Tumblr | purrsnicket Art: Tumblr

Writer: @magicienetreveur (tumblr)/hollyanneg (AO3)

Artist: @forestgeitart (tumblr)

Artist: @purrsnicket (tumblr)

Beta: @semicolonsandsimiles (tumblr)

Synopsis: In a land where magic is real, Ronan spends most of his time hiding from it in the palace gardens, where he’d once met a boy who could tell the future. There’s love letters, a masquerade ball, and an evil plot to be foiled.

Team #8: The Waiting Game

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @inoctavo (tumblr)/inoctavo (AO3)

Artist: @lenaisanerd (tumblr)

Beta: @emjenenla (tumblr)

Synopsis: When all they can do is wait, Declan’s mind catastrophizes… then tries to plan for them. It’s a good recipe to make more problems when everyone’s gone around the emotional ringer. Featuring existential crises, denial, tough decisions, Declan meeting Opal for the first time, and Jordan painting Declan like one of her French girls.

Team #9: if love is just a game (then how come it’s no fun)

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @toast-the-unknowing (tumblr)/shinealightonme (AO3)

Artist: @rroguess (tumblr)

Synopsis: Ronan probably shouldn’t have sworn at the stranger he runs into leaving Gansey’s favorite hipster coffee shop. Blue probably shouldn’t have tracked down Adam’s soulmate without his permission. But they did, and now all four of their lives are tangled up together, whether they like it or not.

Team #10: Strange as Angels

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @skyermirth (tumblr)/skyermirth (AO3)

Artist: @squash1-squash2 (tumblr)

Beta: @galwaygremlin (tumblr)

Synopsis: Adam takes a job for the summer as Caretaker of the Barns, which local legend says is haunted. Adam soon finds out this is true when he meets the resident “ghost,” who isn’t very scary with his mohawk and grouchy demeanor but romantic heart. Falling in love with a ghost was not what Adam had planned for his summer. (Loosely based on the 1947 movie “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir”.)

Team #11: Dream Killer

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @attentionhoard (tumblr)/mvsic_bxxks_stvdy (AO3)

Artist: @sinplaytheartist (tumblr)

Synopsis: Ronan Lynch is a man with extraordinary talents. If he can bring a living, breathing bird from a dream, what’s stopping him from bringing his best friend back from the grave? But some challenges are too great for one dreamer alone.

Team #12: Bread & Circuses

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Instagram

Writer: @galwaygremlin (tumblr)/okay_pretender (AO3)

Artist: crystaline_art (instagram)

Beta: @inoctavo (tumblr)

Team #14: Ag iarraidh forais i bhfodhomhain

Fanfic: AO3 | forestgeit Art: Tumblr | homunculiii Art: Tumblr

Writer: @semicolonsandsimiles (tumblr)/semicolonsandsimiles (AO3)

Artist: @forestgeitart (tumblr)

Artist: @homunculiii (tumblr)

Beta: @g-reywaren (tumblr)/applepi314 (AO3)

Synopsis: Adam is more surprised that he came to Ireland at all than he is to find a doorway to the Otherworld. When Persephone gives you cryptic predictions about your future, you’re almost certainly about to stumble into some magic. And for all his exterior bluster, Ronan seems almost relieved to have someone to visit Tír na nÓg with. But things turn complicated quickly when, during what was supposed to be a quick trip through the doorway, they encounter Ronan’s little brother - who is definitely human and definitely in New York. When Adam ends up back in Ireland long term, he finds himself increasingly entangled in the magic of the Lynch bookshop, the Lynch family lore, and one Lynch in particular.

Team #15: See You Later Alligator

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Instagram

Writer: @crostiina (tumblr)/crostiina (AO3)

Artist: fricklefracklefloof (instagram)

Beta: @creativefiend19 (tumblr)

Synopsis: “Adam.” he read out loud, because he didn’t know what else to do, because he was bad at conversation yet he definitely felt the need to say something.

He thought Adam was going to be even more annoyed and tell him off for being there and close and talking to him. He didn’t know why he did, maybe it was just that night messing with him, maybe it was just him never feeling right anywhere he went. Adam just shrugged.

“Told you I wasn’t Janine.”

Graduation year, Ronan Lynch is wasting his time with horrible friends and too many vices. Things change when he meets Adam Parrish, local (apparently) sane person and ambitious soul working the graveyard shift at a gas station’s market as he waits for acceptance letters to come. Somehow, they both happen to become the best part of the other person’s day.

Team #17: weekends are for the dogs

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @royai (tumblr)/rizahawkaye (AO3)

Artist: @cheeriosnuggles (tumblr)

Synopsis: Ronan Lynch - fresh off the loss of his father, the truth of his Dreams - has so much to learn about himself, about Dreamers, about Niall, and about the black-coated wolf that tears its way through Henrietta.

Team #18: primavera

Fanfic: AO3 | Tumblr: Art

Writer: @manonblaccbeak (tumblr)/Imnotweirdjustwriting (AO3)

Artist: @gthechangeling (tumblr)

Beta: @pnrrish (tumblr)

Synopsis: the rebirth of Adam through art

OR: a renaissance AU featuring the gangsey

Team #19: trouble is (i don’t wanna let go)

Fanfic: AO3 | gouachemole Art: Tumblr | ladvy Art: Tumblr

Writer: @adverbialstarlight (tumblr)/adverbialstarlight (AO3)

Artist: @gouachemole (tumblr)

Artist: @ladvy (tumblr)

Beta: @violettfemme (tumblr)

Synopsis: It’s been two years since Henrietta’s infamous supervillain, Apothecary, disappeared from the streets and left the beloved hero Greywaren alone without his nemesis – and former secret lover. But now he’s back and determined, this time to team up and save the city from an even larger threat.

aka a pynch superhero au

Team #21: Love in the Time of Socialism

Fanfic: AO3 | Art 1: Tumblr | Art 2: Tumblr

Writer: @oldkingyounggod (tumblr)/aurumdalseni (AO3)

Artist: @effwit (tumblr)

Beta: @crostiina (tumblr)

Synopsis: This is a story about a magician with a terrible history. The death of Adam Parrish’s father after he leaves for college means a chance at closure with that part of his life, but he’s not on the journey alone. At his side is a king, whose loyalty never faltered, no matter how much the world threw at them, or how many times they couldn’t agree on how to live their lives. This is also the story of a dreamer, who loved his best friends so much that he didn’t dare risk losing them by asking for something they couldn’t give. So kisses that could have been became kisses that never were, and Ronan Lynch tells himself he’ll make his home a place they can return to. They’ll all come together again for Adam, even fierce little Blue Sargent, so he doesn’t have to face his past alone. And while he works at closing those doors, he’ll make his way into places where all the love Adam, Ronan and Gansey have built up over the years will finally have the space to bloom.

Team #22: we will raze this earth together

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @teddylupin (tumblr)/perfect-porcelain (AO3)

Artist: @kojotei (tumblr)

Synopsis: Ronan is the heir to the Cabeswater throne, a mythical place that was thought to be lost to time. He is the only one of the late King Niall’s son to inherit the royal ability to shift into a dragon. He doesn’t want the throne. In his attempt to escape, he is captured and brought to the kingdom of Henrietta where the court magician, Adam is tasked with attempting to communicate with him, only Adam doesn’t know he has a human form. All Adam sees is the beautiful monstrosity that is Ronan.

Team #24: Heavy lies the head

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @tinyarmedtrex (tumblr)/tinyarmedtrex (AO3)

Artist: @non-platonic-murphamy (tumblr)

Beta: @waywardsoul-s (tumblr)

Synopsis: Adam can’t stand the court magician, Ronan, but when his King sends the two of them on a quest Adam has no choice but to learn to work with the other man.

Team #25: A voice inside me sang your name

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @maskingfragility (tumblr)/Fata_Morgana (AO3)

Artist: @pank0 (tumblr)

Beta: @campbraceyourself (tumblr)

Synopsis: Adam Parrish has recently gotten engaged, he works for a prestigious law firm in DC and he is about to be made partner. His life is millions miles away from the trailer park in Henrietta, he has accomplished all he has ever wanted, so when the call of an ancient, magical forest starts resonating inside him he is faced not just with his past, but with the possibility that his present is not what he really wants.

Team #27: Life is a Fucking Nightmare

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @sterlynwrites (tumblr)/sterlynsilverrose (AO3)

Artist: @sinplaytheartist (tumblr)

Synopsis: We’ve All Read “Dream Thieves” at this point.

All the reader sees is the end of the nightmare of Joseph Kavinsky. But, what we don’t really see is exactly what leads up to that. This is an unapologetic look at Joseph Kavinsky and his daily life. It gives weight to the words:

“Life is a fucking nightmare.”

Team #31: The Creation of Adam

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @pynches (tumblr)/clawsnbeak (AO3)

Artist: @purrsnicket (tumblr)

Beta: glam_reaper2 (AO3)

Synopsis: When Ronan Lynch enrolled in art school just to mess with his brother, he never thought he would actually be good at it. Now, with only a few months left before he is supposed to graduate, he has to turn in one of the biggest art pieces yet. Enter Adam Parrish, a poor student who wouldn’t say no to some extra money. When he saw an advertisement on Craigslist looking for a model to help with an art project, he didn’t hesitate to react. Working together seemed easy enough but there might be more between them than they bargained for.

Team #34: The Royal Treatment

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @oldguybones (tumblr/Oldguybones (AO3)

Artist: @the-ronan-cycle (tumblr)

Synopsis: When Adam Parrish turned eighteen, he became the rightful heir to rule his home country of Henrietta. For years, he looked forward to taking over the nightmarish reign of his father and make the changes he wanted to see. But there was a huge problem. To officially hold the title, he first must wed and his foul mouthed, farm hand boyfriend, Ronan Lynch, knew nothing about royalty. Adam knew though, that there was no one better to rule by his side. So he must teach Ronan how to behave in the face of royalty without changing what he loved so dearly about him.

With time running out, will he be able to do that in time to gain the current King’s approval?

Team #38: and could you carry me through no man’s land

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @mletart (tumblr)/mletart (AO3)

Artist: @wy-mackk (tumblr)

Beta: @stadamparrish (tumblr)

Synopsis: For The Raven Cycle 2020 Big Bang

In which Ronan Lynch gets himself into trouble with the High Council and Adam Parrish ends up taking Ronan on as his familiar. Adam learns the secrets of the Lynch family, and they both learn about magic and about each other. It goes a lot better than either of them would have expected at the start.

Team #39: Weirdos’ Voices

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @flyde (tumblr)/parttimehuman (AO3)

Artist: @shamanda-lie (tumblr)

Synopsis: Without ever having seen the guy, Ronan is crushing hard on one of the construction workers renovating his building. Sitting against the door to his apartment, listening to the beautiful voice and oddly entertaining ramblings of a certain Ganseyboy, Ronan wonders what it would be like if they ever met. It happens when he least expects it…

Team #40: the first problem was putting us in charge of a kingdom

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @bipolarronanlynchevangelist (tumblr)/elliptical (AO3)

Artist: @turqidoodles (tumblr)/Turq_I (AO3)

Synopsis: Ronan Lynch loses control of his magic, which is the catalyst for a lot of shit, because he’s the first proven user of chaos magic in… basically ever. Gansey’s trying to be a good king despite his fears that there may be no such thing. Adam Parrish works beside him, earning his terrifying reputation through psychic study and occasional gray morality. Blue Sargent can’t leave her home or she’ll sicken and die, and her wanderlust is driving her to seek less-than-sensible solutions. Noah Czerny knows a lot about healing, but he’s not omnipotent, and he’s a little tired of being asked to clean up everyone else’s messes. Declan Lynch doesn’t trust the crown. He especially doesn’t trust the crown with his little brother. Mysteriously, all of this leads to rather a lot of conflict.

#the raven cycle #call down the hawk #trc #cdth #trc big bang 2020 #fic rec #bang masterpost

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fleurdehivers · 6 years ago

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i wanted to expand a little on adam’s need for human touch, because it’s such an interesting subject. starting from the very beginning, i.e. going back to the raven boys and looking at the most intimate moments between him and blue, this want immediately becomes very obvious. adam’s attempts to get closer, both physically and emotionally, start just as blue joins the boys for the first time; but i’m going to concentrate only on the former, since the latter would require their own in-depth analysis. whenever he’s next to blue in these early days he’s always trying to close the distance between them. and these seemingly casual contacts happen more and more. when blue and adam meet after the reading at 300 fox way, and adam first speaks with her, his breath was hot on her skin, and, just a few beats later, blue felt him take her hand. then, during the helicopter flight: as he climbs in, he sits next to her taking the middle sit, in a way shielding her from ronan and his snide comments, but also possibly to have a semblance of privacy with her, because he’s always turned in her direction, adam’s headphones were looped around his neck, and he was leaned over beside blue. he’s not particularly subtle when they’re in cabeswater for the first time either. he gravitates around her and steps in her personal space a lot and as, blue stretched her hand out. adam took it without hesitation, like he’d been waiting for her to offer it. the text is incredibly transparent here, voicing an observation that might have been just a passing thought for the reader up until now. adam not only longs for human touch, but he’s waiting for someone to offer it, too. that doesn’t signify that he’s willing to beg for it or to accept it from anyone or to compromise, his pride wouldn’t allow that and rightly so. he would deserve the attention for the beautiful intelligent and caring, if still unconsciously traumatised, boy that he is, not – as he puts it for both gansey and blue later on – as a pity case. but he craves it nonetheless, and since he likes this girl, he fights for her. not, or not only just, for her attention, not for her compliments, but for a connection. when they’re still in cabeswater, there’s another significant moment that needs considering. as they wander around, adam and ronan find a tree with a cavity and adam steps into it and he’s profoundly shaken by what he sees inside of it. by the time he comes out, blue and gansey have reached them and blue eyes adam and, in front of her adam’s arms were still gripped around himself. this is heart-breaking because it’s a spontaneous reaction, one that adam has little control over, but it shows how when he doesn’t have anyone else to count on for physical contact, he wraps his own arms around himself for comfort.

however, there are instances where adam restrains himself from reaching out, even though he would like to. when blue permits noah to smoothen out her hair, adam perceives the implicit difference of his relationship to blue, compared to noah and blue’s one. he admits he’d like to pet her hair too, but knows that the gesture would be interpreted in a different way coming from him and he knows that whatever it is that has with blue, they’re not at that point in their relationship yet. with the passing of time there’s a progression, and the touches between blue and him become more and more intimate. these are all steps that in adam’s mind should likely lead to the moment of kissing her. and as much as he was into – or thought he was into – blue at the time, it’s not just the fact of kissing blue for him, it’s the kissing itself, the inherent intimacy of the gesture. the kind of thing he has, on a platonic level, with his friends; the bumping of knuckles with both gansey and noah, maybe even ronan?, every time they meet are meant to suggest a symbolic closeness and comradeship between the three boys. something that he still seems not to have with blue, at least not completely. a kiss would maybe seal the reaching of that moment in adam’s mind, but she doesn’t let him have that, so he’s left with doubts and uncertainties about her affections. in fact, the most intimate moment between adam and blue takes place just after adam has pressed charges against his dad and finds himself homeless and more in need of comfort than ever. he goes at blue’s and when he’s there, wordlessly, he sat beside her and then laid his head on her lap, his face in his arms. he’s so shattered after what’s happened to him that he doesn’t even realise how much contact he’s craving and taking. then he asks her for a kiss and in this instance blue is right, it isn’t how it should be because it’s not about kissing her at all, it’s once again about the gesture itself. and the emotional support that he needs, in whatever form, in a moment where his whole world has gone to pieces. to be honest, blue telling him, there’s still worse than what you’ve got is a really cruel thing to say when he’s hurting, even if, generally speaking, it might be true. i don’t want to start discourse on blue, because she’s just a teenager too, and she has her own valid reasons for not wanting to kiss adam. so i’m not necessarily blaming her, but it truly isn’t her best moment and she certainly doesn’t show a lot of empathy for what he’s going through.

in the first book and a half, he tries to kiss her at least three times, and blue rejects him without a (real and true) explanation on every single occasion. as i said, i don’t fault her for not knowing how to handle the situation. but from adam’s point of view, these refusals must sting in a very painful way, because she’s the one person from whom he would naturally expect a physical connection. he asks for a kiss even when they’re breaking up, under the guise of proof that he isn’t her one true love.

so that’s the situation with blue.

but then we have ronan. adam and ronan seem to have casual physical contact all the time, what with one teasing the other or with playful punches on the arm as a way of greeting each other. and that already establishes their relationship, strained as it may be at the start of the raven boys, as a long-standing, strong and contact-based one. they might fight every other day, but they’re very familiar and comfortable with each other. and they fight less and less as the story progresses, their fights being more sparse though sometimes more explosive when they happen. and the first turning point is probably in the dream thieves, as they collaborate to fix the ley line and of course as we learn of ronan’s crush for adam.

things change more visibly by the time of blue lily, lily blue, with both of them becoming more self-aware and self-conscious around each other. for a while it’s just stolen glances and hidden stares, but fast forward to the sudden bite of possibility scene, when adam is reminded of the instant when his and ronan’s hands touched for a second. adam describes the physical sensations from the touching in a very distinct and vivid way and these sensation are so intense that they’re said to explode out of him. at this point his feelings for ronan aren’t at all definite, at least not on a rational level, and yet a simple brushing of hands prompts a strong reaction from his body. and the same happens with the first kiss with ronan, adam felt it in more than his lips, and with the whole mental image of a storm coming from a mile away to soak him, which is obviously a metaphor about being overwhelmed by sensations. he still doesn’t intellectually understand how he feels, but from a physical perspective he feels, bright and dreamy and imaginary as the light through the window. this is such a peaceful, almost blissful scenario. when has adam parrish felt so light before, ever? just the first, unexpected kiss from ronan brings sensations so much stronger than any moment spent with blue. we don’t see the following kisses from his point of view, with mstief concentrating on ronan’s instead, but the description is enough to draw a pretty clear picture: ribs under hands, mouth on mouth, stubble on lips… but especially, they were both hungry animals, but adam had been starving for longer. this is such a simple sentence, and yet it holds so much truth. their hunger is different, ronan’s is more adam-focused because of his crush for adam having much older roots, whilst adam’s is made of both his (newly uncovered) feelings for ronan and a concrete need of someone to let off his starvation for touch with. not any ‘someone’, of course; someone he has feelings for and is attracted to, and who has feelings for him and is attracted to him, too. someone to love and to be loved from. and they were both starving and hungry. adam might not call this love yet, convinced as he is that he’s maybe still unable to feel such a feeling. but from that moment on, he completely confides in and relies on ronan. even when he’s at his most vulnerable once again, when the demon takes over his body, he trusts ronan enough that he physically counts on him for comfort, his body sagging against ronan’s and his head resting on ronan’s shoulders. he doesn’t give up, because ronan does not allow him too. and he trusts ronan enough to listen.

#that took some time #but i loved writing it bc it allowed me to see once more what an amazing boy adam parrish is #and how much he grows and works on himself #trc #trc meta #adam parrish #ronan lynch #pynch #adam x ronan #the raven cycle #maggie stiefvater #cissy talks

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gotatext · 5 years ago

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PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad.

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass.

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well.

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze). animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing

#wshedtask002

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swimmingwolf59 · 6 years ago

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Vines and Ravens

(A/N) Just so you guys know, there is a scene with self-harm in this, so please proceed with caution!! ;w;

When Ronan was ten, he ran into his soulmate. Literally.

His family had been picnicking at the local park, spread out in the grass near a playground. It was a summer weekend afternoon so the park was packed; children ran every which way screaming and laughing and adults covered almost the entire area with blankets and umbrellas. After Aurora had wrestled sunscreen onto the boys, she set them loose playing tag with the other children and throwing a football with Niall.

Ronan was running his hardest to catch up to a ball that Niall had accidentally chucked too high when it happened. He hadn’t been paying attention, looking up for the ball instead of watching where he was going, and it surprised him when he solidly collided with another body. They tumbled to the ground, Ronan falling on top of the other person and rolling painfully into the dirt.

“Ow…” someone groaned, and Ronan blinked his eyes open to stare at them.

He was another boy about Ronan’s age with dirt blonde hair and eyes as blue as the ocean when he met Ronan’s gaze. Ronan found himself memorized for reasons he hadn’t understood then as he stared at the boy gingerly sitting up beside him. He almost said something to him, but just then his arms started tingling.

When he looked down, dark green vines had emerged on his fingers and were slowly crawling their way up his hands and to his wrists. He was wearing a tank-top, so he was able to watch as the vines spread up and up and up his arms until they curled into leaves on his shoulders and stopped. The other boy stared at the growing tattoos with wide eyes. He was wearing a long-sleeve shirt and pants so Ronan couldn’t tell if his marks were growing too but they had to be. There was no such thing as one-sided soulmate marks.

At ten, Ronan didn’t fully understand the implications of what had just happened. He barely understood concepts like ‘true love’ and ‘soulmates’. He did understand, though, that he was supposed to like the person who made his marks emerge.

But before he could say anything, his soulmate hurriedly stood and fled in the opposite direction.

Later, Declan told him he had a whole forest on his back. Normally, soulmate marks were small, only encompassing a wrist or a shoulder blade. But Ronan’s spanned the entire length of his back, his shoulders, and both of his arms. Aurora said that it was because the love he would share with his soulmate was larger than most people’s.

She didn’t have an answer for why, if that was true, his soulmate had turned and bolted the other way.

As Ronan grew, he gradually began to understand what had happened that day. He’d supposedly met the love of his life, who had been another boy. This meant that he was a boy that liked boys. In church, Ronan learned that this was something weird: soulmates were always between a man and a woman. But his family never said anything. They never said he was a sinner or tried to change him. Instead, they had speculated about who the boy could be and if it would be possible to find him. When Ronan entered Aglionby, they hopefully believed that Ronan might meet his soulmate there.

But Ronan had a feeling he wouldn’t. Because the other thing he had come to understand was that he had supposedly met the love of his life and, instead of wanting to get to know him, his soulmate had ran. Why? Had he found Ronan repulsive, in some way? Had he scared him? Declan always told him he had a scary face.

At first, it didn’t bother him. It wasn’t like he’d ever see the guy again.

Then he found his father beaten to death in the driveway. Then he learned that the opposite of love was hate and that it was so, so easy to hate yourself and twist everything that ever happened into another reason to hate yourself. Then he realized that if even his soulmate, who was supposed to love him more than anyone else on earth, didn’t love him, then who would? Was everyone in this world destined to leave him behind?

He soon learned to hate the marks. He’d once thought them beautiful and intricate and as a child he’d sometimes stay up late and imagine the person who would have such beautiful marks in their soul. Now he only saw it as a reminder that everything was shit and that Ronan Lynch was meant to walk the path of pain and suffering.

It hurt so goddamn much.

Throwing himself out of bed, Ronan slipped into the bathroom. He’d moved out by then, as being at home had been too agonizing, so he pulled out a beer from Gansey’s fridge and sat heavily on the toilet. From the counter, he grabbed his razor.

He stared at his arms until the vines and leaves blurred and he could no longer see their details. Where one stem dangled down the slender skin of his wrist, he slashed into it with the razor. Then he did the same with the other one. Ronan watched the blood red run down his hands and cover the green vines on his fingers.

There. Now it was all over.

Or so he’d thought.

He woke up in the hospital, his mother and Matthew crying by his bedside and his wrists pulsing with pain. Declan was talking to someone on the phone in the doorway and Gansey leaned on the wall, staring at him. He wasn’t crying, but the red rim around his eyes made it obvious that he had been, and he stared at Ronan with such fear that Ronan had to close his eyes again.

That day, he learned that he only knew how to hurt the people he cared about.

No wonder his soulmate hadn’t wanted to stick around.

Adam had been lucky with his soulmate marks.

They were large—flocks of ravens covered his chest, wrapping their wings around his heart, claws and beaks sharp against his skin—but they were confined entirely to his chest and easily covered by a shirt. This was lucky, because Adam’s father had never found his own soulmate, and Adam had known instinctively, as he watched those marks crawl up that boy’s arms, that he’d get in trouble. If his father had seen that he’d accomplished something like that when he hadn’t there would be hell to pay.

He was also lucky in the fact that his soulmate hadn’t run after him when their marks had emerged. If his father had seen that his soulmate was male…he couldn’t even bear to think about it.

But his father hadn’t seen, and so Adam went on with his life only removing his shirt when he was sure neither of his parents could see. Sometimes, at night, he stared at the ravens on his chest and wondered what his soulmate was like. He knew it was likely that he would never run into him again—and even if he did it was unlikely his soulmate would actually love him after knowing who he was—but he couldn’t help but wonder.

Part of him regretted that he hadn’t stuck around to at least learn his name.

Adam grew and worked his ass off and made it into Aglionby, despite his dad blocking him every step of the way. On the first day of class, Adam got to first period early, not wanting to seem anything less than perfect, and to his surprise found someone already there. He was standing at the whiteboard, writing something on it so fiercely that it made the marker squeak horrendously with each stroke. He was wearing a leather jacket, dark, tight skinny jeans, and combat boots and he had a completely shaved head; that on top of his behavior convinced Adam that he was a delinquent.

But he was early to class.

And he was writing in nearly fluent Latin.

And he was dangerously attractive.

Standing directly behind him, Adam observed his sentences. He couldn’t parse together all of it, but it seemed to be a crude joke of some kind. He found himself smirking, despite everything.

“You know, if you hide the eraser when you’re done your joke will be up there forever.”

The boy startled so badly he dropped the marker. Whirling around, he fixed a glare on Adam that was so deadly it could keel gods. Adam wasn’t a god, but he also wasn’t easily intimidated. He didn’t sense any danger underneath the glare.

The boy stared at him for an unsettling minute before whipping back around to the board. “I should’ve thought of that.”

Adam hid a smile in his shoulder. “Obviously you need to brush up on your delinquent tactics.”

Adam didn’t know where this was all coming from. Adam Parrish did not flirt with people who looked like they belonged in a motorcycle gang.

“Fuck off, man,” the boy said, but his posture was relaxed. “I’m not done with my masterpiece yet, though. Can I trust you with the honors…?”

It took Adam a ridiculously long time to realize that he was asking for his name. “Adam. Parrish.”

“Alright. Think fast, Parrish.” Before he was even done speaking, the boy tossed the eraser at Adam who somehow managed to catch it with only minimal fumbling.

While Adam poked around for the perfect place to hide the eraser, the boy continued his scribbling on the board, both of them silently engaged in their tasks. Adam was removing a book from the bookshelf to test if the eraser could hide behind it without giving away the fact that something was behind it when the boy suddenly spat out, “You’re not gonna ask me for my name?”

Deeming that it was pretty much unnoticeable unless someone knew to look for it, Adam carefully placed the eraser at the back of the bookshelf and put the book back in. “I figured you would tell me if you wanted me to know.”

“It’s Ronan. Ronan Lynch,” the boy said so quickly the words nearly tumbled over themselves.

Adam didn’t know what to think about the fact that Ronan had basically just admitted he’d wanted Adam to know his name.

“Okay, Lynch, then tell me this—” Adam leaned back on the bookshelf, smirking as Ronan immediately adopted a defensive posture, “—do you do this often?”

It was weird, how quickly Ronan relaxed. A savage grin even started to tug on his lips, apparently unaware that Adam was in a position where he could see it. “Only on Mondays.”

Adam laughed. “It’s Wednesday.”

“Well shit, Parrish, school just started – it’s essentially a Monday,” Ronan quipped before stepping back to admire his work. “How’s it look?”

“Like chicken scratch,” Adam admitted honestly.

“Fuck you,” Ronan replied, but his tone almost sounded playful. “Bet you don’t even know what it says.”

“Yeah, because I literally can’t read it.”

Ronan barked out a loud laugh, apparently startling them both if Ronan’s wide-eyed look was anything to go by. Abruptly, Ronan strode to a desk in the back and threw himself down into it, tossing his legs up on the table as he did so in one violent, fluid motion. He seemed incapable of moving any other way. As Adam watched him, Ronan roughly shrugged out of his jacket, not seeming to care as it fell to the floor.

Unabashedly, Adam’s eyes trailed to his arms and his heart stopped beating.

Because underneath his jacket he wore a black tank-top so that his arms and shoulders, and the marks that were on them, were on complete and total display. And Adam could never forget those marks. They reflected everything he felt inside, everything he was.

Ronan caught him looking, and for a second it felt like time itself had stopped. “Yeah, they’re fucking everywhere, I know. My mom always said it was because of some ‘true love’ bullshit, but my asshole of a soulmate ran off without a second glance. Didn’t even get the fucker’s name.”

Adam didn’t know what to say. The bitterness in Ronan’s tone was throwing him off, and he felt like a fish out of water every time his eyes scanned over those marks. He hadn’t been prepared for a scenario where he ran into his soulmate again. He hadn’t thought it was possible, and his brain still couldn’t seem to figure out that it was happening.

Ronan sucked in a breath. “…It was you, wasn’t it.”

It wasn’t a question.

Adam stared down at his shoes, angry with himself. All of those times he’d dreamed of running into his soulmate again and he couldn’t even figure out a damn word to say to him.

Ronan’s boots eventually stomped into his line of sight until he was standing toe to toe with Adam. For an insane, wild moment Adam thought he was going to kiss him. But Ronan just growled, “Fuck all the way off.”

And then left, slamming the door behind him.

Ronan felt explosive.

He couldn’t believe he ran into his soulmate again, and here of all places. He couldn’t believe that he’d been starting to like that fucker and his stupid witty remarks and his stupid freckles and his stupid gorgeous hands—

“Ronan, wait—” And there he was now, taunting Ronan at every step, just as he always had.

Ronan had nothing to say to him. He’d spent years getting over the hurt and self-loathing that Adam had helped cause and had finally gotten to a place where he felt relatively at peace with himself. He still hated himself, but the hatred didn’t run so deep that he felt like taking a knife to his skin again.

So of course Adam had to show up again now.

“Oh, now you chase after me, huh?” Ronan snarled, hastening his pace.

But somehow Adam managed to catch up to him anyway. “Just shut up and come in here with me for a sec.” Adam grabbed his arm and dragged him into the nearby bathroom.

“I don’t want to hear your fucking excuses!” Ronan growled, yanking his arm out of Adam’s grasp.

Adam turned his blue eyes on him. Honestly, Ronan should’ve guessed it right away – how could he ever forget those eyes? “I’m not giving you an excuse. I’m trying to show you why I did what I did that day.”

“So, you’re giving me an excuse.” Ronan rolled his eyes but settled back on one of the sinks and waited.

Just because he was in a better place didn’t mean he was any less self-destructive.

But instead of talking, Adam turned on a different sink and started roughly washing his face. Ronan almost snarled at him—seriously, this asshole was making him wait so he could wash his goddamn face?—but then something caught his eye and he froze.

As the water rinsed down Adam’s face, so too did a concealer of some sort, slowly revealing an ugly bruise that spanned nearly the entire half of his face around his eye. It was harsh and purple and throbbing and Ronan sucked in a hard breath at the sight of it. The anger in his gut bled into his veins and he wanted to punch the wall until his skin broke.

“…Who the fuck did this?”

Adam didn’t reply for a long time, instead staring at his reflection in the mirror. Ronan realized suddenly that this was a secret, something that he wasn’t supposed to know but was being trusted with anyway.

“My dad,” Adam eventually said, his voice so quiet Ronan barely heard him.

Ronan exhaled. He understood now. It hadn’t been about him at all; it had been about what it would’ve looked like. He understood, but he didn’t know what to do with the information. He both wanted to ask and didn’t want to know how long this had been going on; he wanted to ask where he lived so he could go beat the shit out of that bastard—

But he didn’t ask any of that.

“Can I see your marks?” Ronan asked instead, softer than he’d intended.

Adam turned and stared at him for a long time. For a second, Ronan thought he would refuse him. But then he gave a miniscule nod and started unbuttoning his uniform. Ronan watched with apt attention as he turned off the sink and draped his uniform carefully over it before shucking off his t-shirt in one smooth motion.

When there was only bare skin left, Ronan felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Ravens flooded Adam’s chest, their wings a feathered frenzy as they crossed over each other and fought each other to fly. Most of the ravens seemed to be fighting to get to Adam’s heart, and the only one at peace was the one that had its wings over Adam’s heart, but there were some ravens that were flying downwards too, their claws and tails leaving a clear trail right down to—

Ronan snapped his eyes up. He felt like he was blushing but couldn’t seem to stop.

He wondered if this was why Adam had been so speechless earlier – to see himself so clearly in art on someone else’s body…

Ronan felt weak in the knees.

Before he even knew it he was stepping forward, gently pressing his hands to the ravens on Adam’s ribs. Adam stiffened but didn’t push him away, so Ronan took it as a sign to let his fingers roam, carefully exploring over skin and ink. Adam let out a shaky breath as Ronan traced one of the raven’s beaks over his heart. His long fingers skittered up Ronan’s arms, following both his veins and the veins of the leaves. “Do you have them just on your arms?”

“No, I’ve got a whole fucking forest.” Ronan took off his tank top and turned around so that Adam could see his back.

Adam didn’t say anything for so long that Ronan almost looked back to see what his expression was. But then he felt Adam’s fingers splay out gently across his back, his hands startingly cool. Ronan barely suppressed a shiver.

“I’m sorry I hurt you by running away,” Adam said. “I regretted doing it every day since then.”

“You had your reasons.” Ronan firmly believed that now. The hurt wouldn’t heal as quickly—that shit was ingrained—but he didn’t feel so angry at Adam anymore. How could he, when he’d just been acting out of self-preservation? “Besides, I would have been fucked up these last few years anyway even if you hadn’t.”

“Yeah, but maybe I could’ve been there for you,” Adam said and suddenly started mouthing at his back.

Ronan jumped and whirled around, startled. He was definitely blushing now.

Adam was smirking, the bastard. “Too soon?”

Ronan swallowed. “No…it just, uh, tickled.”

Adam stared at him for two seconds before he burst out laughing. Ronan found himself fighting back a grin as he stepped forward and grabbed Adam’s cheeks gently in his hands.

“Shut the fuck up,” he growled, and kissed him.

Adam kissed him back hungrily, his hands gripping at Ronan’s forearms. Their marks hummed between them, warmth searing up Ronan’s arms and down his back. It was almost scary how much Ronan wanted to kiss him, how much he wanted to erase the space between them. The emotions he felt for him were like a tsunami, drowning him and knocking down the few pillars of defense that he had left.

But he never wanted it to stop. It was too exhilarating.

…Hell, maybe his mom had been right about what his marks meant.

“You better not run away this time,” Ronan murmured when they parted, both gasping for air. He’d meant it as a joke, but it didn’t come out that way.

Adam touched his cheek. “I won’t.”

#pynch #pynch week 2018 #pynch week #trc #ronan lynch #adam parrish #self-harm #mention of abuse #soulmate mark au #my writing

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emjenenla · 6 years ago

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Something in the air's not right today [A Raven Cycle Fanfic]

Part One | Part Two

Gansey is not having a good day. Set somewhere in the vicinity of BLLB and TRK.

Trigger warnings for panic attacks and a brief mention of child abuse.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Raven Cycle. Title from “Papercut” by Linkin Park.

Gansey woke up to Ronan kicking the frame of his bed. He rolled over and squinted at the other boy who was nothing more than a blur of color. “What, Ronan? If you’re waking me to tell me that you’ve dreamed up five million baby crows, I swear-”

“Actually,” the Ronan-shaped blob said. “I was going to ask if we’re skipping out of class today.”

“What?” Gansey squinted at him, trying to get Ronan’s face to come into focus. It didn’t work, and he fumbled across the bed for his glasses. “Why would we be skipping--oh-” He trailed off as he finally got his glasses on and saw the clock. Classes started in twenty minutes; he’d slept through his alarm.

He had also fallen asleep maybe two hours before after hours spent working on the Henrietta model and even more hours of tossing and turning on his bed. He was exhausted and the fragile feeling that had been chasing him for weeks had taken up full-time residence in his chest. Before Aglionby, this would have been the kind of day he would have just called quits on before it even began. At his previous boarding schools, spread out across the world wherever his search took him, he gave himself a day or two a month where he could simply call in sick if he hadn’t been able to sleep or felt like he’d have a panic attack if something brushed up against him in the hallway.

It was different now. At those other schools he’d been well-liked but hadn’t had any real friends. He had never stuck around in one place long enough to form connections with anyone, so there had been no one to notice whether Gansey went to class or stayed home and curled up in his bed. That couldn’t happen now. There were people looking at him now. Ronan already declared his intentions to never attend school again at least once a day. If Gansey skipped out even once he’d lose all the leverage he had to keep Ronan going. It didn’t matter that Gansey’s deal with Child meant that Ronan could never set foot in Aglionby again and still receive a diploma, Gansey fully intended to make sure Ronan learned something in his senior year, even if it was just so Gansey felt a little less like a horrible person for bribing his headmaster.

And then there was Adam. He and Adam weren’t fighting, and Gansey was so incredibly thankful for it, but he also knew that just because they weren’t fighting right now didn’t mean they wouldn’t start again. Things hadn’t really changed; Gansey still didn’t understand why half the things he’d ever done or said were bad. If--when? --they started fighting again, it would be Gansey’s fault. Gansey was trying to forestall the re-opening of hostilities by not doing anything that might make Adam angry, which was really difficult when Gansey didn’t understand why half the things he’d done upset Adam.

Regardless of his confusion, he knew that he shouldn’t be skipping out of school when Adam Parrish might find out about it. Adam would go to school while burning up with a fever--Gansey had seen it happen multiple times--so he would no doubt object to Gansey skipping out of school when there was nothing technically wrong with him. If a hospital-level fever wasn’t a valid excuse to miss school, then practically no sleep and the very real possibility that you were going to freak out and not be able to breathe at some point during the day weren’t either.

So long story short, he was definitely going to school today, even if his eyes were scratchy, his head hurt, and he already felt just a little panicky for no reason at all. He missed those days when it hadn’t mattered to anyone what he did, when he hadn’t been the one who cared for everyone with nothing in return. It was lonely to take care of yourself when no one else did, but at least he hadn’t had to feel guilty about doing it.

“Gansey?” Ronan asked. “Have you finally decided to do something that’s actually fun?”

“Of course not,” Gansey said realizing a second too late what he’d just agreed to. His stomach twisted. That would just be more ammunition for the next time he started worrying that Ronan secretly hated him.

Gansey swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up. “I’ll be ready to go in five minutes,” he said, gathering up a clean uniform and heading for the kitchen/bathroom.

There would be no time for a shower. The thought unsettled Gansey more than he wanted to admit. He’d showered every morning before school since he was twelve and it felt wrong not to do it now, like he was finally allowing his mask to slip, and that couldn’t happen. The flawless mask of Richard Campbell Gansey III was the only thing protecting the fragile, strung-out real Gansey; the seventeen-year-old boy who knew he was going to be dead by the end of April but couldn’t tell anyone.

Gansey ran a brush through his dirty hair and tried to calm himself down. So what if he didn’t get a shower this morning? It wasn’t a big deal. People probably wouldn’t even notice; he’d showered yesterday, after all. Plus, he’d read once that it was actually healthier not to wash your hair every day, and some people’s hair got so unruly when they washed it that they had to wait until the next day to go anywhere important.

It wasn’t something to be upset about, but Gansey couldn’t stop worrying about it. He put in his contacts, brushed his teeth and tried to make his hair and uniform look even more perfect than usual before bolting out of the kitchen/bathroom to collect his backpack and Ronan.

~~~~

They arrived at Aglionby just as the five minute bell was ringing. Gansey hurried across campus with his head down. He felt like everyone was looking at him, like everyone could tell he’d woken up twenty minutes ago and hadn’t had time to shower. He knew that was ridiculous--everyone else was on the verge of being late too--but he couldn’t shake the feeling. By the time he got to his first period class, his chest was tight, and his hands were shaking.

No, no, no. He told himself. This couldn’t happen. He was here so now he had to make it through the day. He had a quiz in Chemistry which was going to require all his focus because he had never been good in science. There was also a debate on who was to blame for the start of WWI in history and he would be expected to participate with the same enthusiasm he had when talking about Glendower and ancient Welsh history even though he’d tried to explain that he didn’t like modern history multiple times.

Gansey took a deep, slow breath fighting against the tension in his chest as the teacher came in. All he had to do was get through the day, then he could go back to Monmouth Manufacturing and sleep. Everything would be fine. It had to be.

~~~~

Everything was fine until fourth period, right before lunch. It was history class, right in the middle of the debate. One of the students on the opposite side had pulled out the old, tired elementary school explanation of blaming the Archduke of Austria for starting the whole war. The other boy obviously hadn’t prepared because he’d called the Archduke “that one duke guy who got offed.”

Even though Gansey had little interest in who had started WWI, he would not allow that simplistic view to stand. “Actually,” he said. “That’s not quite accurate.” He wanted to go on any explain how the Archduke hadn’t actually been as important as he’d been made out to be and that his death had been used mostly as an excuse to start fighting, but suddenly he couldn’t remember the man’s name either. He’d known it a moment before, he could still feel is poking at the edges of his consciousness, but he couldn’t pull it out into the open.

The hard pressure which had been threatening him all day closed in around him and he couldn’t breathe. Everyone else who had prepared for class knew what that duke’s name was. Gansey looked like an idiot for not knowing, even more so for attempting to rebuff the other boy when he didn’t know the information himself. Mr. Morris probably thought Gansey hadn’t prepared either, if Gansey looked his direction, the teacher would probably be looking at him with disappointment.

Gansey tried to calm himself down. He’d barely slept last night, and memory problems were a symptom of sleep deprivation; there was nothing to freak out about. He tried to page through his notes to find the name, but his hands were shaking too much. He could barely think.

“Mr. Gansey?” Mr. Morris’s voice cut through his rising panic. “Is everything alright?”

“May I be excused?” Gansey gasped, refusing to acknowledge the concern in Mr. Morris’s voice. Everyone was staring at him, wondering what was wrong. Any minute now someone was going to realize that he hadn’t slept and hadn’t showered and was freaking out about forgetting a fact that didn’t even matter to him. Any minute someone was going to realize that Gansey was falling apart and that couldn’t happen because once someone did then Gansey couldn’t pretend he wasn’t anymore, and he couldn’t fall apart because if he did what would happen to Ronan and AdamandBlueandNoah?

He didn’t even really wait for Mr. Morris’s response because he didn’t think he’d be able to hear it. He simply gathered his books and fled before anything worse could happen.

~~~~

Gansey was a master of finding places to breakdown where no one would find him. Today’s spot was behind the Humanities building, next to a perfectly sculpted bush which hid him from anyone walking by on the path which lead to the Science building.

He sat cross-legged on the grass, hands clenched in his hair, trying to breathe. He wanted to berate himself for panicking over something so stupid, but he knew forgetting that name was just the straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak. This was always going to happen from the instant he’d decided to come to school today, it had only been a matter of what set it off.

What he berated himself over was that this was happening at all. He was Richard Gansey III, everything in his life had been privileged and he had never wanted for anything. There was absolutely no reason for this to happen to him; nothing really horrible had ever happened to him. His father hadn’t been murdered like Ronan’s. He wasn’t trapped in the place he’d been born by money like Blue was. His parents hadn’t beaten him like Adam’s father had. He wasn’t dead like Noah. Gansey was just snot nosed rich kid who had been stung to death by a couple hundred bees and then came back to life; that was nothing compared to what the others had suffered. So what if he was going to really die in a couple months? At least he knew it was coming so he could get things in order and make sure he didn’t leave things on a bad note with anyone; most people didn’t get that chance. It was terribly privileged of Gansey to think he deserved more leniency than he’d already received.

He sat on the grass as fourth period came to an end and lunch period began. Slowly, very slowly, he regained his ability to breathe. He didn’t move until the bell announcing lunch was ending in five minutes rang. He hadn’t eaten at all today, and he probably should have gone to lunch, but he did not want to walk into the commons and face everyone else. Instead he picked himself up and went to a bathroom to fix his hair and clothes before heading for his sixth period class.

~~~~

He made it through the rest of the day in a sleep deprived, slightly panicky haze. After classes ended, Ronan left with Adam and Gansey went to take care of a couple meetings. When those were done he was halfway to the Pig before he realized that he probably should go apologize to Mr. Morris.

The history teacher was just locking the door to his office when Gansey climbed the stairs to the office floor of the Humanities building. He turned at the sound of Gansey’s shoes on the creaky wood floor. “Oh, hello, Mr. Gansey,” he said.

“Hello, Mr. Morris,” Gansey said. “I just wanted to apologize for the scene I made in fourth period. I didn’t mean to disrupt class.”

Mr. Morris gave him an odd look like he couldn’t believe Gansey came all the way up just to apologize. Gansey felt the same tension he did when he messed up around Adam. Of course, he came to apologize, he wasn’t so destroyed by his family’s money that he hadn’t learned when it was polite to apologize. He’d interrupted the debate and probably made Mr. Morris look like a bad teacher, since Gansey had a reputation for being the best history student in the school.

“Also,” Gansey went on, wondering if maybe this was why Mr. Morris was looking at him like this. “I do know that the Archduke of Austria who was assassinated on June 28, 1914 was named Franz Ferdinand. What I was going to tell Kensington was that-”

“Richard,” Mr. Morris interrupted, and Gansey froze. Mr. Morris never called him by his first name.

“Yes?” he asked, trying to ignore the way his throat was threatening to close up.

“Why are you apologizing?” Mr. Morris asked sounding genuinely confused.

“I interrupted your class,” Gansey said trying desperately to figure out where he’d gone wrong in this conversation. He’d thought he was doing it right. “I shouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t have anything intelligent to say; that’s your number one rule in debates. And then I just walked out of class and didn’t come back.”

“Richard,” Mr. Morris repeated. He sounded so unbearably sad that Gansey sort of wanted to run. He wasn’t sure what was going on anymore. “I don’t care about the debate. Are you okay? You seemed pretty upset.”

Gansey was only getting more tense, not less so. He could have handled continued confusion about what he was doing wrong, but he wasn’t sure how long he could stand up to someone outright asking him if he was okay when he knew for certain that he wasn’t. “I’m fine,” he said.

Mr. Morris didn’t look like he believed him. “You know, Richard, I don’t care if you forgot Franz Ferdinand’s name. We all have brain farts sometimes and you contributed a lot of other important insights to the debate. You’ll get full credit for it, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“But I should have known,” Gansey said. “I did know; I just couldn’t remember.” Okay, maybe he was a little more upset about the actual history debate incident than he’d thought he was. Realizing that only made him want to escape even more.

“Then I don’t see what there is to be upset about,” Mr. Morris said. His voice was so gentle and soothing it was sickening. Gansey wanted to say that Ronan or Adam deserved this so much more than Gansey did.

“There was no reason,” Gansey admitted, hoping that he’d finally be allowed to escape.

“Alright,” Mr. Morris said and for a second Gansey thought the conversation was over, but then Mr. Morris said, “Then is there something else bothering you?”

Yes, I’m going to be dead by April 24th. Gansey thought, but he couldn’t just say that, no matter how much he wanted to. That was his struggle and he needed to bear it alone. It would help no one if Gansey used his swiftly ending life as an excuse to dump his problems onto others.

“There’s nothing else wrong,” Gansey said with all the finality he’d learned from the numerous politicians in his family. “I just wanted to apologize for causing a fuss.”

Then he turned and fled, ignoring Mr. Morris calling after him.

~~~~

The Pig started the first time Gansey turned the key, which made him pathetically grateful. He pulled out of the parking lot, refusing to admit that he’d probably have burst into tears if the car hadn’t started. The car had started so there was no reason to think about what might have happened if it hadn’t.

There was also no reason to think about his conversation with Mr. Morris. He couldn’t let himself think about what might have happened if he’d told the teacher the truth. He knew the most people only indulged the more fantastical aspects of his quest for Glendower. Gansey and Mr. Morris had discussed the Welsh King on numerous occasions since Gansey had begun attending Aglionby, and Gansey knew that while the history teacher found the depth of Gansey’s knowledge impressive, he didn’t really believe Gansey would find Glendower around Henrietta. Mr. Morris definitely wouldn’t believe Gansey if he tried to explain about souls on St. Mark’s Eve. It was better than he hadn’t tried to speak.

In that way, Gansey pointedly did not think about everything that had gone wrong today for the entire drive back to Monmouth. He also didn’t think about how not thinking about something required so much mental energy it was basically the same as thinking about the thing. Instead he tried to think about how Ronan and Adam would probably be off doing who knows what until Adam had to work, how Blue would be walking dogs and how Noah was rarely around anymore. Monmouth would be empty for a couple hours until Ronan found his way back. Gansey should not have felt thankful for that, but all he could think about was how he’d have a couple hours to sleep and hopefully put himself back together before he had to interact with people again.

He was so looking forward to his soft bed and sleep that it took him a couple minutes to realize that Adam’s Hondayota was parked next to Ronan’s BMW in front of Monmouth. His stomach sinking, Gansey parked the Pig next to the other two cars and just sat, gripping the wheel for a few minutes trying to gather himself. They weren’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be able to snatch a couple hours of sleep and feel better. This day wasn’t supposed to keep dragging on.

He thought about simply putting the Pig into gear, driving away, finding a shady park and trying to sleep in the Camaro, but they’d no doubt already seen and heard him pull up. If he left now he’d have to explain why he had and he didn’t think he could come up with a lie good enough for that. With a heavy sigh, he turned the Camaro off, gathered his bag and headed slowly up the steps into the factory.

As he reached the top of the stairs, he realized there were more voices than just Adam and Ronan’s. He pushed the door open to see that Blue was there and so was Noah, corporeal for the first time in at least a week. They all looked up when Gansey came in, big smiles on their faces. “Hi, Gansey!” Noah said with a wave. “We’re going to have a movie night! Well, movie afternoon as the case may be, but whatever.”

Gansey stared at them, trying to bury his disappointment and pull up one of his masks from somewhere. He needed to act normal, it would be so much simpler to just go along with this than to try to whine about how he was tired.

It took him too long to respond. “Gansey?” Adam asked.

Gansey opened his mouth intending to say something that would diffuse the tension building up in the room, but what came out was, “Why aren’t you at work?”

Adam jerked back, eyes widening in surprise. “I don’t work until late tonight,” he said, eyes darting around like he was trying to find out what was going on. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, no, there’s not,” Gansey said, horribly aware that his tone of voice was too sharp, completely wrong for the words he was saying. He threw his bag onto the bed with more force than strictly necessary. His school things spilled across the bed and all he could think about was how that was another thing he was going to have to deal with. “There’s nothing wrong with that,” he went on in that horrible, wrong voice. “It’s not like you could have told me you had plans, but I guess my life revolves around you people anyway, so what does it matter.”

Noah’s eyes got huge for one moment before he melted away into nothingness, fleeing the situation. Ronan’s face twisted. “Now, what the-” he began but Blue held up a hand to stop him and shockingly he actually listened.

“We didn’t mean it like that, Gansey,” she said. “But you seem kind of upset. Did something happen today?”

“No!” Gansey shot back. “Nothing happened today! Everything’s splendid, thank you very much!”

Blue opened her mouth to respond, but Gansey turned away, talking over her. “I’m going to take a shower,” he said, fighting to stay calm. “You all can carry on with whatever you were doing.” He snatched up some clothes and stalked into the kitchen/bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

He’d been standing under the warm water for five minutes when he finally began to calm down enough to realize what he’d just done. He hadn’t gotten truly angry at one of his friends since his argument with Adam outside the hospital and look how that had turned out.

His chest tightened again. He’d just snapped at all his friends for something that there was no reason to get angry about. They’d all stopped by numerous times without telling him and it had never bothered him. Now he’d made Noah disappear when Noah had been around so infrequently recently, and he’d yelled at Blue and Adam.

He’d yelled at Adam.

Panic overwhelmed him. He’d always known he’d eventually mess up his fragile peace treaty with Adam, but he hadn’t thought he would happen this way. He’d thought it would happen during a casual conversation and he’d be left spending the next six months trying to figure out what exactly he’d said that had been so wrong. He hadn’t expected that he’d ruin it by forgetting the thin edge he was walking on and simply yelling at Adam. He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid.

He crumpled to the floor of the shower stall, curled into a ball, water pounding down onto his back and neck, and gave into his second panic attack of the day. He’d ruined it. He’d so loved Adam not always being angry at him, and now he’d gone and ruined it. He’d hoped to have more time to enjoy it before it all fell apart again.

He huddled in the shower choking out gasp-sobs until he was the hot water ran out and he was too exhausted to panic anymore. He was so tired he wanted to just lie down on the floor of the shower and sleep. Instead he hauled himself up and got out. He dressed slowly and prepared to face the damage he’d done. He pointedly did not look in the mirror; he did not want to know what he looked like.

Ronan, Blue and Adam were all still there, which Gansey was a little surprised by; he’d expected at least Adam to have marched out in a fit of rage. They were watching what looked like a kid’s movie which Blue paused when she heard the kitchen/bathroom door open.

All four of them looked at each other for a couple minutes until Gansey couldn’t take it anymore and dropped his gaze. “I’m sorry about before,” he said quietly. “I have no excuse.”

Actually, there were numerous excuses, but trying to use one would probably only make Adam angrier. Gansey just wanted to do whatever he needed to do to get through the worst of Adam’s anger as quickly as possible.

There was another long pause, then someone got up and walked over. Gansey didn’t look up and was therefore surprised when a stack of clothes was forced into his arms. “Take your contacts out and put these on,” Adam said gently. “You look really tired.”

Slowly, almost afraid to see, Gansey lifted his head. Adam was looking at him not with rage or disgust but with open concern. It was as confusing as his conversation with Mr. Morris had been, but this time, Gansey knew better than to try to figure out what was going on. He looked back down at the clothes. There was a pair of his pajama pants and his favorite yellow sweater. He was touched; he didn’t realize that his friends stopped mocking his clothes long enough to notice that he even had a favorite sweater, let alone to figure out which one it was.

“Okay,” he said, in a near whisper, because he had no idea what was going on and he was too tired to figure out. He went back into the kitchen/bathroom, stripped out of the after-school clothes he’d just put on and changed into the soft, comfortable things that Adam had given him. Then he took out his contacts, which felt amazing because his eyes were irritated from the shower water and crying. He slid his glasses on and headed back out into the main room.

Blue smiled at him from the couch. Adam and Ronan were sitting on the floor in front of her. Bizarrely, she had one foot planted securely on the side of Ronan’s face and she was holding him a leg’s-length away. Gansey decided he didn’t want to know.

“Come sit down, Gansey,” Blue said, patting the couch next to her. Gansey wondered if they should be sharing a couch when they still didn’t know what Adam would think of them being together, but he was too tired to think of a logical excuse not to. He crossed the room and dropped down next to her.

“I really am sorry for snapping at you,” he said. “And for scaring Noah away. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“Gansey, it’s fine,” Blue said patting his leg. “You’re allowed to be frustrated every now and then; we’re not going to hate you forever because of it. And Noah will turn up again; he’s not going to vanish into the ether just because you had a bad day.”

Gansey wasn’t sure how to respond to that, but thankfully he didn’t have to because Ronan used that moment to bat Blue’s foot away from his face and snatch the remote from her. He pointed it at the TV like it was a weapon. “Alright, now that that’s all take care of, let’s get back to this movie.”

The movie was a good one, but one Gansey had watched a million times as a kid. Slowly he listed to the side until he collapsed against the couch’s armrest, mostly on his side. Blue hauled his legs onto the couch, so his feet were pressing against her thigh and then he was really lying down. Gansey’s eyes sank closed and someone took his glasses off, so they wouldn’t be crushed. Someone else dumped the comforter from his bed onto him and then he was warm and comfortable and safe. He felt himself start to drift off.

Blue rubbed his foot gently. “Go to sleep, Gansey,” she said. “We’re going to order pizza soon; we’ll wake you when it gets here.”

Gansey hummed in acknowledgment and finally, finally fell asleep.

Hopefully, you enjoyed. I may write a sequel in the Gangsey’s POVs if people like this and if I feel like writing it.

Emjen

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