#Actually this offering is actually a lesson for myself to be okay with the fact that simple is okay.

[johnnyshrine]

★ 063 // “Minimalist Block”

[janeyseymour]

Save Me Before I Lose Myself- part 4

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

Summary: Millie is exhausted. Melissa thinks she understands. Carrie is... different.

WC: ~2.55k

When you show up to work (on time for the second day in a row), you immediately hate the fact that you sit at a cubicle for most of the day. You end up standing almost the entire shift, and your feet hate you by the end of it.

At Abbott, Millie continues to stay quiet, resigned. It’s a far cry from the usually upbeat and happy-go-lucky kid that Melissa usually sees. The redhead swears she almost sees bags under the seven year old’s eyes. She looks exhausted- truly and utterly exhausted.

“Millie?” the teacher calls for your little girl during their snack time. “Can you come here for a second?”

Your little girl obeys, and she practically drags herself to the teacher’s desk. “Yes, Miss Schemmenti?”

“I’ve just noticed that you’re a kinda acting different today,” Melissa notes quietly. “I wanted to make sure everything is alright, and that you’re okay.”

Millie just nods quietly. 

“If you have anything you’d like to talk with me about, you know Miss Schemmenti is always here to lend an ear.”

Your daughter nods silently again. Then, in perhaps the quietest voice, she admits, “Sleepy.”

“Did you not get good sleep last night?”

Millie shakes her head, and her blue eyes sparkle as tears begin to cloud them. “I’m so tired,” she whines.

“Oh, hun.” The more maternal side of the childless redheaded teacher comes out, and she wraps her arms gently around her student. “I’m sorry.”

The seven year old clings to her teacher much like she clings to you, looking for any warmth and comfort anybody can provide. Her tears hit leather with soft thuds.

“Why don’t you just go lay your head down for a few minutes?” Melissa offers. “Close your eyes and relax?”

Your daughter bites her lip nervously. She’s not sure what she’s supposed to say. “But we’re at school.”

“An’ I can’t have a sleepy Mills, now can I?” the teacher teases softly. “C’mon, it’ll be okay. You won’t be in any trouble.”

The little blonde searches for any hints of ingenuity from her educator. Then, she gives the tiniest nod and slinks back to her desk. Before her head even hits the desk, it’s like she’s asleep, exhaustion finally taking over.

Melissa is in the middle of her math lesson when it hits her. She stops in her tracks, marker halfway raised to the board to write the answer to one of the problems on the whiteboard. 

What you said makes full sense to her. Please stop helping me, because it’s only hurting me. While she thought she was helping by slipping you that note to show her support, it was actually a hindrance to you. It made your life so much harder, knowing that she knew exactly what was going on. She had acknowledged what you have been so clearly trying to ignore- put aside for the well-being of your daughter. It makes all of it real for you, and in that instant, she wishes she could take it all back. If she had known that it was only going to hurt your heart, she would have simply dropped the matter of the subject and simply supported you in silence. Or at least, that’s what she thinks you meant- she has no idea the pain her sticky note caused you.

When lunch time comes, the second grade class lines up to make their way down to the cafeteria- all except for one child: Millie, who is still sound asleep at her desk.

Melissa stands at her door as she waits for Janine to begin filing her own class down the hall.

“Pipsqueak,” the redhead calls to her coworker. “Can my class just tag on at the end of your line? I got a student still in the room, an’ I can’t leave ‘er by herself.”

Janine looks slightly confused, but nods with a bright smile. “Of course! The more, the merrier!”

“Yeah, kid. Would ya mind havin’ Barb stop down here with my lunch too? I don’t think I’m gettin’ away from this one any time soon.”

Brows furrow, and there’s the silent question of if everything is okay. Melissa can only nod before the shorter teacher nods again. “Sure thing.”

It’s a few minutes later that Barbara appears in the doorframe of the second grade teacher’s classroom, two lunches in hand. Her eyes immediately set on Millie asleep at her desk. Her brows raise in concern.

“Asleep since snack,” Melissa says quietly. She’s sitting at her desk staring straight ahead. Her eyes don’t even meet Barbara’s.

“And you let her sleep? You never let students sleep in your class.”

“What was I supposed to do, Barb? The poor girl came in silently today, which you and I both know is not normal for her. She told me the other day she hears her mothers up late at night, and she was so tired she started crying,” the redhead sighs. She puts her head in her hands. “God, Barb. This is awful. That poor little girl should not be living like this. And neither should her mother.”

“No,” the kindergarten teacher says softly as she makes her way into the classroom. She sets Melissa’s lunch on her desk. “But you and I both know that Y/N does everything she can to keep Millie safe- she’s well-fed, clean, and loved by at least Y/N. So, we can’t step in.”

“I didn’t,” the redhead mutters. “All I did was slip her a note yesterday telling her I was here for her when she’s ready, and this morning she came in limping and begged me to stop trying to help her.”

“So you stop.”

“I- I don’t know if I can,” Melissa admits. “I- How am I supposed to stop trying to help her when I know what it’s like to be in her situation, albeit mine was not nearly as severe?”

“I know it’s hard, but you have to respect her-”

“She told me that my trying to help her only hurts her,” the second grade teacher mutters. “I- I caused her hurt, when all I was trying to do was help.”

“Melissa, I think you need to take a step back from all of this. Yes, what’s so clearly happening to her is a terrible thing that no human should ever have to endure, but she very deliberately asked you to stop. So, you need to stop and just take care of Millie to the best of your abilities while she’s in your care at school.”

Melissa takes a deep breath and lifts her head from her hands. “You’re right.”

“When are you going to realize I always am?” Barbara teases her. “Eat, Melissa. I’ll bring down a lunch for Millie for when she wakes up too.”

“Thank you.”

Millie ends up sleeping through the entire day, and even when Melissa knows she should wake her, she can’t find it in her to. She has Janine take her kids out for dismissal with the instruction that if you’re outside to come down to your classroom if possible. 

You’re standing there, and you see some of your daughter’s classmates running towards their own parents, but there is no Melissa, and certainly no Millie. You internally begin to panic. What had Millie told her teacher that has the both of them not out here?

Miss Teagues makes her way over to you. “Hey. Melissa told me to have you head down to her classroom if I saw you.”

“Is my daughter okay?” you ask quickly, already limping your way to the front door. You don’t even wait for a response before you’re in the door. You make your way in as quickly as you possibly can- your body still aches. It takes you far too long to get down to the classroom.

“Miss Schemmenti?”

“Hey,” the redhead sighs softly. She points over at your daughter.

“She’s sleeping?” you raise a brow as you lean against the doorframe gently.

Melissa nods. “Has been since snack at ten.”

“Thank you for letting her get the rest she needs,” you say quietly. “Last night was… rough.”

The teacher nods. You can see that she wants to pry. She wants to question your statement. But she doesn’t.

You slowly make your way over to your daughter and squat down in front of her. Shaking her shoulder gently, you press a soft kiss to the cheek that isn’t laying against her arms. “Baby.”

She stays asleep. And on another day, you’re sure you would just carry her home despite the fact that your arms would be sore, and she’s getting too big for you to hold for long amounts of time. But today, you know it’s not even a plausible thought.

“Honey,” you shake her a bit more. “Sweet girl, it’s the end of the school day.”

“I don’t wanna go home, Miss Schemmenti,” Millie grumbles, eyes not even opening. “I wanna stay here.”

You frown, as does the redhead sitting at her desk. “Sweetheart, it’s Momma. Wake up for me please.”

She cracks one eye open. “Momma?”

“Yeah, baby. It’s Momma.”

“Carry me?”

“You know I would, but I can’t today,” you sigh. “Not after…” you trail off. You know Melissa is listening intently.

“Okay,” your daughter sighs softly as she picks her head up from her desk. She rubs her eyes sleepily.

“Have a good night,” the teacher tells the two of you softly as you make for the door.

You give her what you hope is a smile. “You too, Miss Schemmenti.”

Millie just waves sleepily.

When you get home, you expect your wife to be sitting in her place at the table like she always is. You expect her to be typically quickly and with fervor, as she usually does. But she isn’t. She’s actually standing by the door with a smile soon her face.

“Hey, baby,” Carrie says sweetly. She pulls you in for a kiss that isn’t too dissimilar from the way she used to kiss you when you were dating and newlyweds.

“Hi, hun,” you sigh softly.

“How was your day?”

“It was alright,” you lie. Your body is exhausted, your mind is exhausted, and you really don’t feel like doing anything today. “I’ll start on dinner now.”

“There’s no need to do that,” your wife tells you. She bends down and opens her arms to Millie.

“Hi,” Millie yawns out, but she doesn’t make a move for the woman she looks so much like.

“Sleepy today, little girl?” Carrie asks as she takes matters into her own hands and wraps her arms around your daughter.

“Mhmm.” She allows her mother to hold her for a few seconds before detaching herself from the woman. It’s quite clear to you that your daughter is not comfortable with this. She immediately clings to you again.

You head for the kitchen, but you see that dinner is already in the oven upon walking into the room.

“You’re making dinner?” you furrow your brow.

She nods and gives a shy smile. Carrie reaches for something on the dry sink and hands you a beautiful bouquet of flowers. “These are for you, love.”

You take them gently and look at them in awe. They truly are beautiful. And they smell absolutely delightful.

“Why don’t you go take a load off and relax with Millie on the couch while I finish dinner and set the table?”

“R-really?” you squeak out. The last time that she had done this, it was before everything had really gotten bad. The last time she had done this, she hadn’t hit you yet, but the fight that had taken place the night before had gotten out of hand. “Yeah, hun,” Carrie kisses you again sweetly. She bends down and ruffles Millie’s now lopsided pigtails and kisses her hairline.

Dinner is splendid- absolutely delicious. And when you expect your wife to head up the steps to change to go out for dinner, she doesn’t. She actually stays in the dining room to clean up, does the dishes, and sits next to you on the couch as Millie curls up in your lap. Her long fingers trace patterns on your thigh like she used to- and not in a sexual way, just a way of letting you know she’s there.

When it’s time to put your daughter to bed, you don’t think you’ve ever seen Carrie so maternal. She reads the bedtime story with you, making sure to use silly voices and sing when it calls for it. She tucks your daughter in, kisses her forehead, and promises her that she’ll get great sleep tonight. Millie looks nervous, but not as nervous as she was walking into the house this afternoon.

When you’re alone with your wife, fear begins to seep into your bones. She was nothing short of a dream this afternoon and this evening, but that was in front of your little girl. Now, everything is being closed doors again.

But tonight, there is no hurt. There’s just short, sweet kisses. No hands roam where they aren’t wanted. Soft affirmations of love are whispered into the crook of your neck. She even apologizes for her actions last night. She promises you that she’ll back off on the drinking, she’ll be around more often for Millie, and that nothing like what took place last night will happen again.

You forgive her. Of course you do. You always forgive her. A small part of you believes her- she genuinely seems like she’s feeling remorseful for her words and actions. But another part of you wonders if and when it’ll happen again. A part of you hopes that it won’t ever happen- the more naive side of you. 

But the other part of you- the jaded side that has grown used to this woman knows it won’t be long until she’s back to her habits. Because this has happened before. She’s done things like this before, and yes, this is the worst it’s been, but it never changes. 

It gets better for a week, two at most, before it turns back to what you’ve grown accustomed to. For a short span of time, Carrie will shower you with love and affection, soft touches and gentle eyes. She’ll lull you into a false sense of security like she always does. And when things begin to go south, and you speak up, she’ll turn. She’ll tell you that you’re ungrateful for the life you have, that she’s been nothing but the perfect housewife and you’re taking her for granted. She’ll tell you that she never should’ve married you, threaten you with divorce- promise you that if you were to separate, she would be just fine but nobody would ever be able to love a pathetic, broken woman like you. Carrie is a manipulative, egotistical narcissist. She’ll never change. You know this, and you wish you could just run away. But you have Millie to worry about, and she will always come first. As long as Millie is safe, there isn’t a chance in hell you’ll leave- even if things go back to how they usually are, and you know they will. It’s just a matter of time.

But for now, you bask in the change of pace. Your body is grateful for the healing time that you’ll get. You’ll take what you can get.

Tags (and let me know if you want to be included!): @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @sweetcheeksschemmenti @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @a-queen-and-her-throne @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson @dvrkhcld @cosmichymns @sasheemo @m1lflov3rrr @ricejucie @temilyrights @emilynissangtr @squinnchy @dopenightmaretyphoon @emeraldoceansstuff

[princessmaybank]

Can you do prompt 7

I'm sorry this took so long! I ran with this one and it turned out longer than it should have!

Riding Lessons

Pairings: BestFriend!JJ x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Riding, maybe some second hand embarrassment..I think that's it?

Summary: Reader wants to learn how to ride, who better to teach her than her bestie?!

Author's Note: I hope you like it, I love this idea, I feel like I could have done better though, let me know what you think. Enjoy!

I wanted to learn how to, ya know, "ride" I guess. I've been a pillow princess every time I've ever had sex but I wanted to be able to impress my sexual partner. I know JJ was just fooling around when he said I could always come to him if I ever needed help with something like that but I'm seriously thinking of his offer, well fake offer I guess. Damn it, I don't know! I've been trying to ask all week but it isn't exactly easy to ask your friend for dick riding lessons. I just wanted him to help me learn to move my body, I didn't have to actually hop on him.

Every time I try to ask, something gets in the way. John B is always around, I make a fool out of myself, I can't spit it out, he's too busy to talk, something. This time we are hanging out in the back yard of the chateau. The guys are chilling while us girls are chatting away.

"So that's when I-" Sarah paused, but I barely noticed as I anxiously looked between the ground and the blond boy who's been recently occupying my mind. "What's wrong Y/N?" She asked, clearly noticing my rapid-fire thumbs playing thumb wars with each other. "Oh nothing.." I pushed off, stopping my fingers, even though it wasn't easy. The girls poked until I would tell them what was bothering me. I didn't tell them everything, just the fact that I needed to talk to JJ alone, and it wasn't an easy conversation. Kie said I should just go grab him and pull him to the side right now but I told her that wasn't as easy as it sounded. John B and Pope latch onto the man and keep him tight.

"HEY JJ COME HERE!" I heard Kiara shout as loud as fucking possible. All the guys started standing up. "ONLY JJ!" Sarah added.

The other two sat down as JJ waltzed over to us. My heart was racing, I wasn't ready for this conversation. "What?" He pretended to get snippy. "I wanna ask you something." I speak up. He motions for me to continue. "privately.." I add on. "Oh okay, we'll be back." He smiles towards the girls before grabbing my hand and leading me into the chateau. I expected him to stop in the living room but he sat me on the bed in the guest room before shutting the door. "What's up?" He smiled as he crossed his arms and leaned against the door. My fingers did that thing again. "Now that I think about it, it's not that important anymore!" I rush my words out and try to get past him and to the door. "Ah ah ah. What is it, Y/N/N?" He looked a little concerned.

I wasn't sure how to bring this up. I've thought about this conversation many times and still haven't figured out the best way to say it. "Uhm- well this is a di-difficult conversation Jayj..I want to have it, but I'm not sure how to start it, and I'm worried it'll ruin our friendship and I was kind of ready for this con-" I started my rambling because I got nervous, but JJ cut me off. He walked up to me and crouched in front of me. His right hand reached out and laid on top of my knee. "Breathe Y/N. I'm sure whatever it is, won't ruin our friendship. Cause we're too close, there's nothing we can't say to each other." He said with a smile.

"O-okay.." I said sheepishly. "So talk to me." He said casually and got up to sit on the bed next to me. "Uhm- so you know how you jokingly said I could come to you with like-" I was hesitant and JJ knew that. "Questions involving sex?" He giggled and finished my question for me. I nodded very fast causing him to giggle again. "That wasn't a joke, I meant it." He smiled with a small chuckle. My eyes widened but I shut that down real fast. "Oh, okay, well I do have a question.." I slowly spoke. He nudged me to continue. "This is really awkward and you don't have to say yes, please don't feel pressured to do this, it's really stupid actually, so-" He shushed me. "Calm down. I'm willing to help with anything you need." He smiled. His words caused a blush to rise to my cheeks. I took a deep breath before I closed my eyes and said what I've been meaning to say. "I want to learn how to be on top." That was the easiest way I could say it. "You want me to teach you how to ride dick?" He asked. My eyes were still closed but I felt so embarrassed. My hands covered my face and I heard him chuckle before pulling my hands away. "Look at me." He said. I opened my eyes and looked up at JJ. I tried not to think about the embarrassment coursing through my veins. "Good girl." He said and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. My heart was beating a mile a minute. I can't believe he just called me that. "Now strip for me." He said and motioned for me to stand. "W-what?" My eyes went wide again. "You want to learn, right? Gotta take your clothes off for me." He said calmly. "I-I thought...I thought you were just going to show me how to move my body.." I twirled my fingers again. "Oh baby...you wanna get some practice first don't you? And who better to try it out on than your best friend?" JJ smirked.

I can't fuck my best friend! This would ruin everything.

"B-but-" I stuttered. "Don't go shy on me now Y/N." He smirked. "Here, I'll go first." He stood proudly in front of me. He removed his hat and boots first. His cut off tank was next before he finally took off his cargo shorts. JJ sat back down next to me on the bed, only in his boxers now. I couldn't stop my eyes from wandering his toned body.

"Your turn Y/N/N." He whispered into my ear. I hesitated again, and he must've noticed. "Would you like some help?" He asked. All I was able to do was lightly nod. JJ slowly grabbed my hands and stood me in front of him. His fingers traveled to the bottom of my shirt and pulled upwards, over my head, gently. His hands grasped my waist and pulled me closer to him. JJ's fingers danced in the waistband of my shorts before shimmying them down my legs. His hands ran up and down my legs starting at my hips.

"Come here.." He whispered before sitting against the headboard. I straddled his lap and his hands met my hips again. "Can I kiss you, Y/N?" He asked. So gently and calmly like we weren't in the position we were in. I nodded and parted my lips, pushing them closer to him. As our lips lingered together, his hands rocked my hips against his, back and forth. I could feel him growing beneath me, causing arousal to pool in my panties.

"You sure you wanna learn from me?" He asked after pulling his lips away from mine. "Wouldn't wanna learn from anyone else.." I responded slowly, staring into his eyes. He smiled before pulling our lips back together for a moment. "You already have step one down, which is good." He smirked. "What's step one?" I asked while breathing heavily. "Turn on your partner." His hand found its way to my hair and tugged forcefully. JJ pressed his lips to my neck and made his way down my torso. "Next you're gonna move your panties to the side for me."

For the next few minutes I listened to every word this man said. When I finally eased myself onto his cock, we both let out small gasps. He encouraged me to move when I felt ready but I asked him to help guide me. JJ placed his hands on my hips and moved me back and forth on him slowly. "You can also go up and down, side to side, or in circles, why don't you try something." A small whimper escaped my mouth. I wasn't sure I was ready. "Let the pleasure guide you..nothing you do is wrong. Go ahead." He said while tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

When I finally worked up the courage to move, I decided to just move back and forth. JJ's mouth opened slightly from the pleasure. His hands were still on my hips but he wasn't moving me. I picked up my pace and tried to bounce up and down, which felt so good. I felt like I could release right there with the way his dick was punching my insides. I picked up my speed again, JJ and I were moaning messes in each other's arms. I bounced harder when I realized that's what felt good to me. JJ threw his head back as his hands squeezed my hips tighter. "Just like that.." He whined. My jaw was on the floor. He was gorgeous like this. "Fuck baby... don't stop. I'm almost there.." He let out, heaving. I didn't even slow down. I chased our highs until I couldn't anymore. JJ released with my name on his lips as I did the same with him. I collapsed on top of my best friend, his cock twitching inside of me as we started to come down. My body was shaking from the ultimate pleasure I had just experienced. "Shhhh .." He soothed as he caressed my hair. "such a good girl...I can't wait for our next lesson.." He wanted more? My pussy is in for one wild ride.

[dtupdating]

DREAM replied to another Reddit post!

Transcript under the cut!

Ludwig slightly misremembered, and didn't explain in a super fair way imo it makes me sound way worse than what actually happened

tldr;

I dmd ludwig suggesting he make a video, and offering myself for questions

ludwig replied and eventually said that I jokingly called one of his friends a whore

Due to the fact that a friend of Nicolas Cantu's had recently falsely said that "I got slapped at a party for calling a girl a whore", I asked him if that's what it was about.

He said no, and that he can't tell me more information because he doesn't think it's worth resurfacing it for her sake

I replied with a message about that, and then said I'd also provide context to the other situation just in case he was just telling me it's not about that situation (to "protect" the person's identity) even though it was, because I had no idea about any other situation.

Here's the important parts of that message that I sent him:

oh well unfortunately I guess I can't talk about this because I don't know what you're talking about at all, but I will say this as a general statement; A lot of people spread false stuff about me, or exaggerate, and have done it a lot ESPECIALLY during all of this stuff going on, as it's easy to sensationalize things because of how "hated" I seem. Intentionally, OR unintentionally. I have had to clear up so many different false stories of me being weird, or just a total shit bag, because the rumor mill runs super fucking strong when you're getting shit on 24/7. And every time it's just "oh okay that makes sense". It's not always someone lying, but it's almost always someone not realizing that exaggerating and mischaracterizing what they're saying can be a big deal, and isn't something they should do. I have never randomly called someone a whore, I have never called someone a whore derogatorily, and I would never do that.

I will completely and fully say that I have called friends of mine jokingly whore's / sluts / whatever, GUYS ANDS GIRLS, but only with people that joke along with it, or have expressly said they don't care, and again, only with friends of mine. This situation has been a lesson to just never say it at all though, because it's being used to make me out as a bad person. I would never use it that way, never ever meant anything negative when I've ever said it, and never have used it to insult or demean anyone, in any way.

I don't know the situation you're talking about, and obviously it's seemingly a bad look to have "multiple instances" where I called a girl a whore lmao, but I just cannot fathom that I called a stranger a whore, even jokingly, regardless of whether I was drunk or not. If I actually did, I would absolutely want to apologize and clear up anything that I possibly can with them, because it's upsetting to know that I made anyone upset or made them feel badly. I would like to say though, that it's not unreasonable to think that it is a misrepresentation of what actually happened, or is being looked at through a negative tint given recent events, when if this wasn't all going on, it would've been viewed as "oh that's obviously a joke". Given the fact that I have been a bit of a punching bag for a bit online, and you never know what motivations people have to spread things. Idk when this would've been as well, because like I said, the Nicolas stuff was pretty eye opening in a lot of ways, including specifically how people feel about those words in general. Which I never really thought about, and again, I've always been extremely careful and delicate with how I interact with anyone I've just met.

I NEVER would demean or speak down on someone like that. If that did actually happen, it was naivety on my part and not malice, and it's a word I'm removing from my vocabulary, and I hope I get a chance to apologize to them. But again, I have no idea what you're specifically talking about, so I probably won't get a chance, or even confirmation that it happened.

Either way, I understand why he didn't reply (I sent walls of text) and don't fault him for it. Although, the way this was said is annoying!

[obeymeshallwedateaddict]

Hi I'm new to Tumblr and came across your blog. I have an ask for a fic, if you don't mind. I am reading the main story from the original Obey Me on the nightbringer game, and I'm almost at the end (chapter 72).

Thanks to no spoiler warning on a post, I am aware of Simeon's situation. I can't help but feel MC isn't as concerned as they should be for him. Fair enough, they are respectful of his boundaries, saying he would talk when he's ready, but would it be possible to write a little something about MC (preferably female, but not necessary) offering Simeon support and comfort, or even just a fun day with him to take his mind off things.

Hiii I can understand where you are coming from. I also felt like MC didn't cut much slack about how Simeon felt during the time while I was worried about him too. So there you go! (I kind of lost myself in my writing so it's quite long. I hope it's not a problem)

Post contains: fluff; emotional fallout (angst); might contain spoilers up to lesson 72 OM

Fem!MC

Simeon x reader

You can find more of my work here: Masterlist

Simeon's troubles

You were sitting in your room thinking about what you should write in the requested report from Diavolo. You had just gone through the surveys of one part of the student body about their opinions about the exchange program that Mephistopheles provided you with.

There were pretty positive ones saying that they made friends with some of the exchange students and they liked the atmosphere of having angels, demons and humans in one place. But there were also negative ones saying that the exchange program is bullshit and there should've never been something like this in the academy. You were tired of constantly reading different surveys with different handwritings as well the poor grammar some of the students had. You were completely exhausted. Walking over to the bed and laying on it you dragged your hands over your face. Suddenly you are reminded of Simeon. At first you smile at the thought of the magnificent angel and the friendship both of you share but then you remembered something. You remember how Simeon has been really secretive lately. He's been looking anxious and uneasy most of the time. He is distracted and upset, sometimes he's even lost in thought that you can barely get him to speak to you. You are worried. Is everything okay? You are sure of the fact that something is bothering him though respect his privacy and boundaries. Even when he tells you that everything will be okay you can't help but worry over the angel. The last time you and Mammon visited Purgatory hall to get Simeon to speak the only thing he mentioned is that he is no longer worthy of using the angel's blessing. What is that supposed to mean? How could he be not worthy? He is Simeon. A highly ranked seraph in the Celestial Realm loved and respected by many. What could have possibly happened? You think about it for a long few minutes before you decide to text the angel.

-"Hello, Simeon! How are you?" –You send the message and wait for his response though you don't have to wait too long since you get an almost immediate response.

-"Hello, MC! And yes. I'm fine. Is there something you need?" –You stare at the message for a few seconds thinking how to phrase it without making him worry further more. Suddenly an idea comes to mind.

-"Actually I found out that tomorrow there is a flower festival coming into town and I was wondering if you'd want to go with me?" –It's true. You heard from Diavolo a few days ago that a big flower festival is coming into town for a day. The demon also mentioned that it would be nice for a future representative of the student council to attend so you had a great reasoning.

-"Tomorrow? Yes I suppose I'm free. I would like to go with you, MC." –You smile at the message, knowing that you will finally get to spend some time with the troubled angel. Hopefully you will help him feel less uneasy after a day of full happy memories.

-"Great! Then it's settled. I will come by Purgatory hall tomorrow to get you, see you, Simeon! Sleep tight!" –You respond and get ready for bed.

The next morning after getting ready for the day you find yourself waiting in front of Purgatory hall, impatient to see the affectionate angel. After a while he finally shows up at the entrance wearing the same outfit that he wore in the human world instead of his angel attire though you don't give it much thought since Simeon himself mentioned that he liked the outfit. You extended your arms happily, willing to give Simeon a warm hug. His face still carries that uneasy look, which tugs painfully at your heart. Yet, when he sees your open arms, a soft smile slowly spreads across his features, accepting your silent invitation for a hug. He walks into your embrace and gently wraps his arms around you, burying his face into the crook of your neck. You embrace him tightly. You were sure of the fact that Simeon needed a hug. Everybody does at hard moments such as those. You might not be sure of what he is going through but you can feel it through the warm embrace. You two remain like that: Standing silently into each other's arms. Speaking through actions.

-I needed this... –You hear the soft voice of the broken angel, whispering into your ear as his arms tighten around your body.

-Thank you, MC. –He mutters once again before pulling away.

-Shall we go? –You offer Simeon your hand and he takes it with a gentle smile on his face. You lead the way to the festival and when you get there you are left speechless. It is beautiful. There are all sorts of flowers around. Gentle lights hoovering over the place, offering comfort. A faint sound of relaxing music and the noise from waters hitting the basin of the nearby fountain fill your ears. There is a refreshing floral scent all around the place. And all the demons around seem happy and relaxed. You squeeze Simeon's hand and lean your head on his shoulder gently.

-What do you think? –You question with a soft voice.

-It's beautiful here. In every aspect. In a way it even reminds me of the Celestial Realm. There would always be pretty flowers all around the place. It was... Calm and relaxing. –He responds and lets go of your hand to wrap it around your waist instead. He pulls you close against him and you smile. Though.. what did he mean by "was"? He can always go there? He is an angel after all... You figured he might miss home and the flower festival seemed like an amazing opportunity to give him something similar to the comfort of home. You could understand the feeling. You felt the same in your first days here in the Devildom. Surrounded by completely new people, new atmosphere, new place. All alone, forced to trust strangers who turned out to be demons on top of everything. But Luke was always there for Simeon. As well as you. You had always been friendly towards him. And always been there for him as well.

He led you into the festival. As you walked around you felt Simeon relax a little which speaks that your plan is successful.

-Usually at festivals like these in the human world we make bracelets or crowns of flowers. Do you want to make some? –You mention that to Simeon, thinking it would be a great way for him to get his head away from things.

-I would love to, MC. Though you might have to teach me. I'm not as good with those things. –With that you and Simeon walk over to the fountain and sit on the edge. You had gathered some beautiful flowers on the way there and were ready to craft some pretty pieces. You grab a few flowers and show Simeon a simple pattern to braid the flowers. He on the other side tries to copy your pattern. He successfully does though it isn't identical, which of course isn't important.

-MC... I would like to braid you a flower tiara. It would look beautiful in your hair. –Simeon says softly.

-Thank you, Simeon! –You exclaim in excitement. And he begins to braid. The angel is focused on the flowers in his hands which makes him look especially handsome. You smile and carefully wrap your arms around his waist to which he relaxes into your arms. Resting your head on his shoulder you whisper softly:

-Simeon? How has life been treating you lately. You seem tense.

-I have some problems, MC. As I have mentioned before. And as much as I would love to get it off my shoulders and tell you what's bothering me I'm not sure if I feel comfortable yet. –Silence follows and he sighs before continuing to speak– I'm still questioning some things and I wouldn't like to give you false information. –When you hear that you tighten your arms around his waist and speak softly.

-Simeon, I want you to know that I will always be here for you. Whatever happens, whatever is happening. I respect the fact that you may not be ready to tell me yet and I'm not forcing you to do so. I will happily wait and be there for you until you feel comfortable. –You state making sure not to say something harsh or make him feel even more uneasy than he already is.

-Thank you, MC. I really appreciate it. And I promise. Whenever the moment comes I will explain everything.

-Simeon it would make it nice for you to know that I'm not forcing you to speak. I will be here whenever you feel comfortable. –You move your arms away from his waist and proceed to gently massage his shoulders.

-God, Simeon! You are so tense it's unbelievable! Let me ease off some stress off of those stiff shoulders. –He groans in pleasure as you hit a nerve somewhere in his neck.

-Oh MC.. ngh... I never knew how much I needed that.... Thank you..

After a few minutes of you massaging his shoulders and neck the angel mentions that the tiara is finished. Simeon turned towards you and put the tiara into your hair.

-MC... You are more beautiful than any flower at this festival.. and the tiara makes you shine even brighter than you already do. –You blush softly to his statement and he cups your cheeks with his hands.

-You are always so understanding and gentle with me, MC. Never have I thought that I would ever meet a girl like you. Such a soft and caring creature. And on top of everything she is also a human. A human.. a creature I never thought that I'd fall in love with. But... Here I am, MC. –You look at him with pure happiness and sincere love in your expression. He chuckles softly and leans in to kiss your nose.

-You look adorable when you blush, MC. Has somebody ever told you that? –The color in your cheeks deepens and you roll your eyes.

-Simeooonnn! You are flattering me too much! As if you aren't the most amazing and affectionate angel that I know.. –You say softly and kiss his cheek.

-You are also sweet and caring. And whatever it is you are going through will not stop you from being my perfect angel. Always.. I assure you. –You whisper and lean in to gently brush your lips against his. It is a gentle kiss. There is no force. No tension. Just pure shared love and affection between two individuals. Just like it has always been between you two. It was easy to love and care for him. He has always been there for you in hard moments. And now it's your turn to show how much you actually care and worry about him. How much you actually love him. How much he means to you. Whatever it is that is happening you know that both of you will get through it. That it will always lead to a happy ending. Hardships and happiness walk hand in hand after all. Every hard moment is followed by a happy one. So you know that Simeon will be okay. And you genuinely hope that he will be okay. As a sorcerer you can always ensure his safety even if he can't do it himself. He is your everything. His feelings mean a lot to you. And you are genuinely worried about him.

-I love you, Simeon. You mean so much to me. You and your feelings. Remember that. –You whisper against his lips and pull away to embrace him instead. He relaxes into your arms and smiles warmly.

-Thank you, MC. I love you too. Just as much.. –He murmurs and kisses your temple. As the day continues you and Simeon make a lot of happy memories and you know that he feels at ease around you. You're sure that you helped Simeon forget about his troubles even if it is just for a day. The fact makes you happy and heals the deep concern about the troubled angel.

[soopersara]

Union

Zutara Week 2023: Day 3

Read it on AO3 | @zutaraweek

Everyone seems to know that Zuko and Katara plan to get married someday. The only question left is when they'll finally get around to it.

For what feels like the dozenth time in a row, Zuko checks his own pocket. In his thick polar leopard fur parka, even a set of solid gold hair beads and combs is small enough, light enough to feel insubstantial. Still, he is aware of its presence. Almost too aware of it at times.

“I’m surprised the two of you haven’t gotten this all settled before now.” There is a familiar look in Hakoda’s eyes, the same one that Uncle gives him every time the subject of marriage comes up. A look of curiosity and impatience that usually comes just before another casual inquiry about when Zuko plans to marry Katara. But Hakoda isn’t quite as pushy as Uncle. “I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d decided to elope before you made it back to the South Pole.”

Zuko offers a sheepish shrug. “Apparently that’s not the proper way to do things. I’ve thought about it every day for months now, and I doubt Katara would have minded, but I don’t need to make her life any more difficult by proposing the wrong way.”

“And what about my life?” Kanna thumps her walking stick against the floor. “I’m not getting any younger here. If you two don’t hurry up, I’ll never get to meet my great-grandchildren.”

Hakoda frowns. “Mother.”

“It’s a fact of life, dear. We can’t all be King Bumi and live as many centuries as we please.”

“I’m going to ask her,” Zuko says. “Before we go north again, I swear.” His pulse quickens at the sound of his own admission, and he checks his pocket for reassurance. The engagement gift itself is as close to perfect as he can ever hope, but he’s less sure about his ability to actually propose. “I’m not sure about kids yet, but you’ll at least know if she wants to marry me before we leave.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that part.” Kanna waves a knobby hand at him. “I’ve known my granddaughter long enough to know the look she gets in her eyes when she’s made up her mind. She’s decided what she’s going to say. And frankly, I don’t think she would have dragged you all the way down here if it was no.”

Though Zuko’s heart still races, he manages a smile before Katara bursts into the house, cheeks flushed with cold, and hair glistening with ice crystals at its tips.

“There you are,” Kanna says. “We were just talking about you, weren’t we, boys?”

Zuko feels his face flush, and Katara looks from him to Kanna and back again. “Well, that’s always reassuring. Thanks, Gran-Gran.” Before there can be any further response, Katara grabs his hand and pulls back toward the door again. “I think we’re going to leave before you fill my boyfriend’s head with any more embarrassing stories.”

He makes no effort to resist, and before he knows it, Katara has led him out into the snow and halfway down the street toward the burgeoning waterbending academy.

“So how bad is it?” she asks, looping her mittened hands around his arm. “Did they tell you about the time when I froze all my dad’s underwear to the side of the council hut because he wouldn’t let me keep an otter penguin in our tent?”

His eyebrow creeps ever so slightly upward. “You did?”

“Okay, I’m going to take that as a no, and also as a sign that I need to stop giving away my secrets.” Still walking, she buries her face in his arm. “Stop me the next time I try to embarrass myself, okay?”

A snort bursts out of him. “I would, but I know for a fact that Uncle tells you so much worse about me every chance he gets. Even Sokka is too busy to tell me any embarrassing stories about you most of the time.”

“I’d really like to keep it that way.” They make it only a step or two farther before her mood seems to lighten again, and she pulls just far enough back to steer him around a corner. “Maybe you can come with me to watch waterbending lessons tomorrow instead of spending the whole morning alone with Dad and Gran-Gran.”

He certainly isn’t opposed to the idea. Any excuse to spend more time with her is always welcome, even if all that entails is sitting quiet at the sidelines while Katara guides a group of noisy, energetic children through their waterbending forms.

He agrees, and as Katara leads him past the bending academy, pointing out all the practice space and sparring areas, he checks his pocket one more time. The combs and beads still rest there, exactly where they should be, and Zuko lets out a long, slow breath. Two opposing impulses battle inside his chest—on the one hand, he’s been waiting to find the right moment, the perfect moment for weeks now. If she’s going to remember this for the rest of their lives, the least he can do is propose to her properly.

But on the other hand, his patience with himself is running thin, and the brilliant warmth of her enthusiasm strains his resolve to its breaking point. If he doesn’t ask her soon, he might well lose his mind.

So when their winding path takes them to the far side of the village, he can hardly bring himself to stop alongside her.

“Oh, spirits, we should probably go back before you freeze out here.”

“What?” Though his face tingles a bit when a breeze passes by, though he’s certain that his cheeks are crimson from the chill, he doesn’t feel cold. Not enough to turn back, at least. “No, I’m fine. It isn’t that cold.”

Katara raises an eyebrow.

“It isn’t,” he insists. “I was just—thinking.”

“About what?”

Under the intensity of her gaze, his mouth goes dry, and it takes all his will to keep from checking his pocket again. Instead, he nods toward the path leading out of the village. “I was thinking that there’s probably a great view from the hill over there. Especially around sunset.”

Her lips twitch into a crooked smile, and the grip on his hand tightens ever so slightly. “You do realize that the sun isn’t really going to set for a few more days, right? If you want to wait out there until sunset, you really will freeze.”

“In that case, I guess I can settle for half an hour. But I think you’re underestimating my ability to keep myself warm.”

“I could never. You’re the one who keeps my feet warm every night.” She bumps him lightly with her hip before starting up the path. “But you might be underestimating the South Pole’s wind.”

It’s all that Zuko can do to keep his composure as they make their way up the sloping path. But he waits, and when they reach the crest of the hill, Katara stretches before turning a brilliant smile back on him.

“Okay, I’ll admit it. Freezing or not, this view is worth it.”

Though Zuko has trouble focusing on the landscape, he can’t help but agree with her. The afternoon sun paints shining bronze streaks through her hair, and her eyes shine as bright as he’s ever seen them before.

He grasps her hand before she can go any further. “Katara—I wanted to ask you something.” His heart sits in the back of his throat. Despite her family’s confidence, despite his own suspicion that Katara will say yes, he can’t seem to push the worry away.

“Oh?” She looks up, and her gaze pierces him.

Silently, he thanks the spirits that it’s cold enough to keep his mittens on so that Katara won’t know how much his palms are sweating. He fumbles in his pocket until at last his fingers close around the little box of combs and beads. “Being with you has been one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Every day that we’re together, you mean more to me, and now—” He succeeds in extracting the box from his pocket and fumbles to turn it right side up.

Before he can finish, Katara lets out a squeak of surprised excitement and claps her hands to her mouth. “Yes. Yes, of course I will.”

Zuko blinks, and a surprising amount of tension leaves his chest and shoulders all at once. “You—you realize I haven’t finished the question yet. Right?”

“Oh! Right, I knew that.” She makes an apparent effort at bringing her expression back under control, then motions for him to continue. “Go on.”

Despite his best effort at solemnity, a smile breaks across his face. “I’m not sure I can remember what I wanted to say anymore. I swear I had this all planned out yesterday.” Looking down, he clears his throat and slides open the richly engraved lid so that she can see the beads and the combs lying in neat rows inside their case. “But I love you, Katara. And even if I can’t remember the right words, I would be honored if you would marry me.”

This time, Katara isn’t content to merely smile at him. This time, she springs forward and throws her arms around his neck. “Yes. Of course I’ll marry you.”

Zuko laughs, and as his arms close tight around her waist, the world seems to slow.

Right now, with Katara in his arms and the future opening up around them, all the urgency in the world is gone.

[heda-in-the-clouds]

How long before they 👌👈

It's been two weeks since Lexa first attended Clarke's self defense class. Class was now over and Clarke and Lexa openly flirted with each other as the other students left for the night. Usually, Anya interrupted their shameless flirting and dragged Lexa back home. However, Anya couldn't make it to class tonight which left Clarke and Lexa all the time in the world.

Nearly half an hour passed before either of them noticed they were the only ones left in the studio. Clarke apologized for keeping Lexa so late. Lexa smiled and said that she didn't mind it at all. She could spend all night talking with someone as charming as her.

At this point, Clarke noticed that Anya wasn't around to take Lexa back home. When she asked, Lexa told Clarke that she took an Uber to class so she'll just take one back home. Clarke offered to give Lexa a ride back home which she accepted.

Their flirting didn't stop during the car ride. In fact, Clarke had trouble keeping her eyes on the road when all she wanted was to stare at Lexa in her passenger seat. Meanwhile, Lexa kept her hand on Clarke's thigh inching closer to her crotch the closer they got to her place.

Once the car was parked, the realization dawned between them what would inevitably happen if Lexa invited Clarke inside her apartment. Lexa spoke first to break the tension and asked if Clarke would like to come upstairs. Clarke eagerly said yes.

As soon as Lexa closed her door, Clarke spun her around and kissed her hard. They moaned once they felt the warmth of each other's lips and bodies pressed tightly against each other. They deepened the kiss sensing the growing heat between their bodies.  Suddenly, Clarke pulled away causing Lexa to whine the loss of her body against hers.

"Lexa wait!"

"Why'd you stop Clarke? Do you not want this?"

"God Lexa. I want you so damn much but I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm your instructor. I feel bad that you spent your money on my class just so you can flirt and sleep with me. I feel like I should give you your money back."

"I'm not that worried about money Clarke. I actually like your class and getting to flirt with you was always a bonus."

"Who's the charming one now?"

"Well, I learned from the best. Now, can we please get back to where we left things off?"

"Okay but I have a challenge first. You said you actually like my class. Well, I want you to prove it."

"Uh, prove it how?"

"Show me you actually learned something useful from all of my lessons. We're going to spar and I want you to pin me down for 5 seconds. Manage that and we'll get back to making out."

"Are you serious right now?"

"Yeah. This will make me feel better about myself."

"Fine. 5 seconds doesn't seem too long."

"And I won't be holding back. You'll actually have to use the techniques I taught you."

"Ugh come on Clarke! We could have been getting sweaty in my bed by now."

"Nope. I won't fall for that Lexa."

"Can't blame me for trying."

"Oh and one more thing Lexa. If you can't pin me down in 5 minutes, I'm leaving and you'll have to wait until next week's class."

"Really?!"

"Think of it as incentive. You'll get your reward if you beat me."

Despite Lexa's pouting, Clarke held firm in her stance. Lexa motioned them to move to her living room for more space. They stood on opposite corners, Clarke in a defensive stance while Lexa maintained an offensive position. Once Lexa moved forward, Clarke started her 5 minute timer.

At first, Lexa decided to test out if Clarke was actually serious. She lazily launched herself at Clarke who quickly countered and pushed Lexa away. Lexa tried again but met the same result as she was knocked down on her ass. Lexa realized that Clarke was actually taking this whole challenge seriously. No matter what Lexa did, Clarke easily blocked and deflected her moves.

As the timer ticked closer to zero, Lexa was getting frustrated that she hasn't been able to land a solid tackle on Clarke. She had to break Clarke's focus so she needed to find a way to distract her. A devious idea then popped into her head. Lexa knew she had to play dirty to win the challenge. She suddenly stripped out of her sports bra and shorts, leaving her fully naked in front of Clarke.

Clarke was frozen in disbelief that she's now face to face with a fully nude Lexa. She never envisioned her first time seeing Lexa naked would happen this way. Although she daydreamed Lexa naked multiple times during class, the actual sight of Lexa's nude body in front of her surpassed her expectations.

Seeing Clarke distracted and caught off guard, Lexa made her move and rushed towards her. She aimed low and drove her full strength towards Clarke's hips. She pushed Clarke off balance and tackled her to the ground. She quickly pinned her in a basic hold down and started counting.

"One. Two. Three. Four and Five! Fuck yeah! I did it! We get to fuck now!"

Lexa hopped off Clarke in triumph and started prancing around the room in excitement at her victory. Clarke was still in shock and left speechless that Lexa's dirty move actually worked. Clarke groaned as she watched Lexa bounce with excitement in front of her.

Lexa told Clarke to stop frowning because she won the challenge and she wants to claim her reward now. She tells Clarke that she'll be waiting for her in the bedroom. Lexa sauntered away putting an extra sway in her hips.

Finally snapping out of her daze, Clarke realized that she still wins in the end because she now gets to sleep with Lexa. Clarke quickly got off the floor and chased a cocky Lexa to her bedroom.

Once inside, she threw herself at Lexa and pushed her to her bed.

"Now that's a strong tackle."

"How about you show me a powerful thrust instead?"

[scarlettjemily]

right where you left me

Pairing: Jemily

Summary: Emily dies in the field, leaving her fiancée JJ to cope with her loss. JJ can’t move on. Heavily inspired by right where you left me by Taylor Swift.

Warnings: very sad, very angsty. my poor jj. Is Emily actually dead tho?

Word count: 3.5k

‘Help, I’m still at the restaurant’

“Try this, my darling. It’s delicious,” the brunette woman said, spiraling some pasta on her fork and reaching across the table for the blonde woman to have a taste.

“Mmm, Em, that is good! Damn, I should’ve ordered that for myself,” JJ said, chewing and holding her hand in front of her mouth as she finished the bite.

“Do you want to swap? I’m happy to. Here,” Emily offered without a second thought. If her girlfriend wanted the pasta instead of the dish she had ordered, Emily would give it to her. She reached to grab JJ’s plate and swap it with hers, but JJ let out a sweet giggle that automatically warmed Emily’s heart.

“No, no, Emily, baby, that’s yours. You don’t need to swap with me. Thank you, though,” JJ said, unable to help the wide smile forming on her lips. The mere fact that Emily would swap their plates made JJ so thankful to be with this woman.

“Okay, well, I’ll get another plate, and we can go halves. I want you to have it,” Emily insisted, flagging down the waitress and getting a separate plate before JJ could refuse.

JJ leaned back in her chair. “You spoil me. I love you so much,” she said, shaking her head and finding it hard in the moment to comprehend how much she loved this woman. She stared at the woman across from her, subconsciously using her foot under the table to find Emily’s leg. She felt calm and content when she had some form of contact with her girlfriend.

“I love you too, Jayje. Always,” the older woman replied, giving her an innocent wink.

They continued to eat, talk, and laugh, just like they’d done many times at this restaurant since they had been together.

‘Cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right’

The women were sitting at their favorite restaurant together, next to each other on the same side of the table. They sat cross-legged, their ankles locked, hands laced together. They had become that couple they used to laugh at—totally cringey but stupidly in love.

“You’re so beautiful,” Emily whispered, their foreheads less than an inch apart. “I love when you pin your hair up like this; it’s my favorite.” Emily felt as though she was floating, infatuated with the woman in front of her.

“I know, I did it especially for you,” JJ giggled, her cheeks turning a slight shade of pink. “Happy three years, my love.” She leaned in, pressing her lips against Emily’s. She scooted impossibly closer to her girlfriend, enjoying the kiss too much to pull away.

Emily let go of JJ’s hand, placing it on the side of her neck, lightly gripping her jawline as they kissed. “Jennifer,” she mumbled against her lips, not wanting to pull away either.

“Mmm?” JJ mumbled, pulling away for a second to press a series of small kisses on Emily’s lips.

“Marry me?” Emily said, pulling back to stare deep into JJ’s eyes. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she watched JJ’s face flash with a million emotions at once.

A squeak left JJ’s lips as she flung her arms around Emily’s neck, pulling her in for another kiss. “Yes, yes, a million times yes,” she whispered against her lips.

JJ let out a little sob when Emily pulled a ring box from the front of her dress. She held out her hand so Emily could slip the ring on. “Emily… it’s so beautiful,” she breathed out, still trying to process what was happening.

The two women sat cross-legged in the dim restaurant, basking in the moment of their engagement.

‘Wages earned and lessons learned’

“Emily, please let me come with you. He’s here for you. He wants to kill you. Fuck, no, you shouldn’t even be going,” panic rushed through JJ’s body. She didn’t want Emily on this case; the possibility of Ian Doyle hurting her was too high.

“JJ, this is because of me. Everything that happened is because of me. He’s here and killing people because of me—”

“That’s more of a reason for you not to go out!” JJ screamed frantically. She couldn’t let Emily get hurt; she felt crazy, her fiancée wasn’t listening to her worries.

“No. You’re not coming with me. I cannot have you get hurt, JJ, because of something I did. I would never forgive myself,” Emily grabbed JJ’s face, holding her in her hands and staring right into her eyes. She needed to convey how serious she was.

“But what about me?! I will never forgive myself! Please, Em—” tears began to well in JJ’s eyes. Her shaky hands gripped the other woman’s arms as they still held her face.

Emily leaned in, pressing a kiss to JJ’s forehead. “I love you so much, and I promise everything will be okay. Morgan will be with me; he has my back, baby. I will see you once the job is done. I promise.” She tried giving her fiancée a smile to make it seem like everything was okay, but not even that could mask the worry she was feeling.

“I love you too,” JJ choked out, her chest trembling with every breath.

Emily’s hands trembled as her whole world stopped. She looked down, trying to comprehend the wooden stake protruding from her abdomen. She tried to speak, but only hot red blood dripped from her lips. She dropped to her knees, her body going eerily cold. She fell to the ground, her hands going straight to the wood. She pulled them back, her hands smeared with blood.

“Emily?! No, Emily, stay with me!” Morgan yelled, dropping next to Emily. He immediately started screaming for help, trying to alert the people around him to how serious this was; she was not in a good way.

“Morgan,” she barely got out, spitting blood as she tried to speak.

“No, Prentiss, don’t speak. You’re going to be okay,” he said, looking around. “Someone help!” He screamed again and again.

“No, Morgan, please,” her hand lifted to touch his arm. “Don’t let him get to JJ,” she whispered, tears now dripping from her eyes. “He will kill her,” she coughed out as her eyes started to get heavy.

“I won’t need to protect her, Em. You’re going to be fine. You can protect her. You’re going to be fine,” he said, not sure if he even believed what he was saying, but she needed to be okay. She just couldn’t die; she couldn’t.

“Tell her I’m sorry,” was the last thing she was able to say.

‘I swear you could hear a hair pin drop, right when I felt the moment stop’

She almost didn’t wait for the car to stop. JJ flung the door open and ran into the emergency entrance. She didn’t even see the people around her as she sprinted down the hall, needing to see Emily. Needing to know she was okay.

She halted when she saw the familiar faces of her team. Her eyes searched frantically for the looks on their faces. “Where is she?! What’s happening?!” JJ had never been so frantic, her heart slamming against her chest. Her head felt detached from her body; she couldn’t process anything.

“Hotch just went in there now to get an update. JJ, come sit down,” Morgan tried to lead her to a chair, but JJ stepped back.

“No, I don’t want to fucking sit down! I need to know if she’s okay!” She was in so much shock, she couldn’t even feel her hands shaking. Her hand gripped her hair, pulling it hard as she tried to get oxygen into her lungs.

Hotch stepped through the double doors, the whole team standing instantly. “She didn’t make it off the table. She’s gone,” he stated in his monotone voice that hit the whole team like a truck.

JJ stopped. Everything stopped. It was completely silent; no one said a word. They were all staring at Hotch in shock. You could hear a hairpin drop in that exact moment.

“No… No…” JJ groaned, hunching over. She shook her head, refusing to believe what was happening. “Please, no.” Her knees gave out, but someone caught her before she hit the ground.

“JJ, I’m sorry,” Morgan croaked out, holding her up so she didn’t fall.

JJ screamed, pushing Morgan away with all her strength. “You promised to have her back! You were meant to look out for her!” Her voice cracked through her sobs; she was completely hysterical. She couldn’t feel anything. She lifted her fist to bring it down hard on Morgan’s chest, but he caught it before it could hit him.

Morgan held her tightly while the whole team watched her struggle to fight him off. They all didn’t know what to say, each person trying to grapple with the fact that Emily was gone.

JJ stopped fighting, letting Morgan hold her. “No, please, let me see her,” she begged, pleaded, desperately. Her fiancée couldn’t be dead. “Em, please, no, she wouldn’t leave me.” Each second that passed, JJ fell deeper into hysterical sadness.

‘Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? Time went on for everybody else… She's still 23 inside her fantasy. How it was supposed to be.’

“It’s only been three months, Hotch. I don’t think she’s ready to be back,” Morgan said, standing with Hotch in his office, the door closed. The light was dim as they looked out the window at the blonde woman who was sitting at her desk. She seemed frozen, staring at the desk across from hers—Emily’s desk.

“I know, but she insisted, and while Doyle is still out there, I would feel more comfortable knowing she’s by our sides, where he can’t get to her too,” Hotch replied, his face unreadable. Though anyone could see he was worried for JJ’s wellbeing. No one knew how to help her; for some of the team, this was the first time they had seen her.

Morgan remained silent, watching JJ from the window. He felt responsible for Emily’s death, for letting Ian Doyle get to her. He couldn’t voice these thoughts, especially not to JJ—it wasn’t appropriate. None of them could truly understand the depth of loss JJ was experiencing.

JJ sat at her desk, staring across at her fiancée’s desk for the first time since Emily died. She was eternally grateful that nobody had touched it; she wouldn’t have been able to handle that.

Ever since Emily’s death, everything had frozen for JJ. She had been numb ever since, unable to recall a single emotion she had felt since that day—except for the nothingness that now consumed every moment of her life.

“Jayje?”

JJ’s focus broke at the sound of her name. She slowly turned to see Penelope kneeling down next to her. “Hmm? What?” she mumbled, subconsciously tucking her loose hair behind her ear.

“Are you sure you’re okay being here?” Penelope had been JJ’s closest friend during this time. She never forced JJ to open up or talk. She’d sit with her while she cried; sometimes JJ would ask if Garcia would just be at her house, sitting on her couch, while JJ slept in her room. Whatever JJ wanted, Penelope did because that’s what Emily would have wanted. In a way, it helped Garcia grieve as well.

“No, not really. But Garcia, I don’t think it’s going to get any better, so I might as well be here,” JJ replied honestly. Penelope nodded, conveying her understanding.

“That’s okay. How about we start small today?” Penelope hesitated slightly but knew she had to propose the question. “Did you want to pack up Em’s desk?” She braced herself for JJ’s reaction, knowing it wouldn’t be positive.

JJ’s heart froze. “No,” she shook her head frantically, a sheen of sweat instantly prickling her skin. Panic hit her entire body with such force. “No fucking way,” she burst out of her chair, heading straight to her boss’s office.

She didn’t bother knocking on the door that displayed a golden ‘Aaron Hotchner’ plate. “Take my desk, Hotch,” she spat out as she flung the door open.

JJ looked hysterical, her deeply sunken eyes surrounded by pale skin. This wasn’t the JJ that anyone knew. “If you need a desk for the replacement, take mine. Do not fucking touch Emily’s desk. I will have her desk,” JJ declared, tears soaking her cheeks but she was so used to crying that they didn’t even faze her. “Please don’t take her desk, Hotch. Please don’t take her from me,” she begged, desperation evident on her face, her body shaking with sobs.

“JJ, you need to go home. You are not ready to be here,” Hotch struggled with emotions at the best of times, but he couldn’t bear to watch JJ break again. “I will get Penelope to pack your desk, and Emily’s desk stays exactly the same. I promise you, JJ. Not a single pen will be touched, but I’m ordering you to go home.”

‘…At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want’

“Here’s your pasta, Miss. Enjoy, and let me know if I can get you anything else,” JJ smiled at the waitress before she walked off to tend to other tables.

JJ picked up her fork to start eating the dish in front of her—Emily’s favorite dish. A small smile flashed over her lips for a second as she thought about the many times Emily had fed her food at this exact restaurant. Their favorite place. They had their first date here, and Emily proposed to her here.

A small tear formed in one of her eyes as she reminisced about all their memories together. The feeling of tears had become a source of comfort since Emily’s death a year ago.

Today, she found the strength to come back to this restaurant for the first time since Emily passed. She sat in silence, lost in memories of when Emily was still the one sitting across from her.

‘I cause no harm, mind my business. If our love died young, I can't bear witness. And it's been so long’

“Rossi, I’m telling you, you’ve still got it. This pasta is amazing,” Derek Morgan praised his coworker for the pasta he served up for the team. The whole team was at Rossi’s house celebrating his birthday. He had cooked his signature pasta dish for them to enjoy.

“Well, thank you, Derek. I’m so grateful you could make it. Although this new woman of yours? Why isn’t she here?” Everyone around them laughed, knowing he had just started dating someone new.

Derek shook his head, laughing. “Hey, why is it always my dating life we talk about? Bother one of the others! Penelope? Hotch? JJ?” He pointed to each of them. “Interrogate them!”

JJ forced a small laugh. It still hurt to hear anything that alluded to Emily, but she was better now. She didn’t crumble at every thought or mention of her. It had been just over two years since her fiancée had passed, and nothing had changed. There was no way she would ever find anyone like Emily. She had no business looking for someone to date; she had had Emily. She was the love of her life, and now she’s gone. She may be young, but the love she shared with Emily was enough to last the rest of her life. She didn’t want anyone else. Not ever.

‘Everybody moved on, I stayed there. Dust collected on my pinned-up hair. They expected me to find somewhere, some perspective, but I sat and stared… Right where you left me’

“Hey JJ, we’re all going out for drinks. You coming?” Morgan shut the drawer of his desk, looking over at his team member who was sitting at her desk. She was twirling her hair atop her head, securing it with a pin, loose strands of blonde hair falling and framing her face perfectly.

JJ gave him a small smile, shaking her head. “No, no, you go without me. I’ve got dinner plans.” She stood up from her desk, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “Have fun though. I’ll see you tomorrow.” With a small wave, she left the office.

“Why did you even ask? You know Fridays are her restaurant nights,” Penelope said, appearing next to him.

“Because it’s been three and a half years since Emily died, and she goes to that damned restaurant by herself every Friday. You don’t think she needs to maybe try to move on?” Morgan replied, not intending to be rude or invalidate JJ’s feelings. He had watched his friend disappear that night, and she had never been the same.

“Derek Morgan, I’m going to tell you this nicely, but don’t bother.” Penelope placed her hands on his shoulders, giving him a slight shake. “That woman will never move on from Emily. She was her everything, and if she has to go back to that restaurant every week just to cope, just to be this version of JJ that we get, then we shut our mouths and let her. Because the JJ we had two years ago was just a hollow shell.”

Derek sighed and nodded. “You’re right,” he mumbled. He understood it; he did. But he just wanted to see JJ happy, and she just wasn’t happy. Not since Emily.

‘You left me no choice but to stay here forever’

Five years. They got him. After five years, they finally caught the man who killed Emily. JJ didn’t know what to think, what to feel. She’d pictured this moment almost every day for the past five years, but she still felt nothing?

She knew she should feel relieved or happy, and on some level, she did feel that way, but not as she imagined. She still felt completely numb, just stuck.

The only way JJ knew how to cope was to go through the motions. She did the same thing every day, every week, every month. She had no choice; it was the only way she stayed sane.

“JJ, can I please speak to you in private?” Hotch came up to JJ’s desk as she twirled her hair up.

As usual, his face gave nothing away, but JJ assumed he wanted to see if she was okay or make her take time off. She lazily pinned her hair and stood up. “Hotch, I know what you’re going to say, but I’m fine. I don’t need time off, please—”

“JJ, this is serious. Please listen,” his voice low. The rest of the team had already left, but he didn’t need or want people listening to him. He walked quickly towards his office; the door was shut, and the blinds were drawn.

JJ followed him, halting on the steps as he turned, his eyes piercing into hers. She was getting slightly confused, but nothing Hotch did really surprised her these days.

“Five years ago, I made a choice. The hardest choice I’ve ever had to make in not only my career but my life.” Hotch’s seriousness had increased tenfold.

JJ’s heart raced, watching liquid pool on the rims of his eyes. “Hotch, what is going on?” JJ asked, having no clue what was coming.

“It’s on me, no one else. If you want to be mad, be mad at me. I did it to save her life but also to save your life. You don’t have to like it, but you have to understand she would never forgive me if anything happened to you.”

JJ’s hands shook. Her heart slammed in her chest, echoing in her ears. She couldn’t hear anything else. “Hotch… what are you saying to me right now?” she breathed, barely audible, waiting for what felt like a lifetime for him to say it.

“I’m saying I’m sorry,” he stepped aside, motioning to his office, knowing JJ didn’t need to hear anything else.

JJ’s body moved before she could process any thoughts. Her bag hit the ground as she made her way to Hotch’s office door. She didn’t hesitate to open the door, slip in, and shut the door immediately, waiting for the definitive click. She didn’t really know why, but she couldn’t make herself turn around. She stood facing the door, her knuckles white from the grip she had wrapped around the handle.

As soon as she was in that office, she could feel it.

“Please speak,” JJ croaked out. She needed to hear her; she couldn’t trust her eyes right now.

“Jayje?”

It was her. JJ let out a sob, her back still facing the other woman. Everything hit her at once; dropping to her knees, she began to sob loudly. A guttural groan left her lips when she felt arms wrap around her body. Instinctively, she turned to lean into the other woman, like no time had passed.

“Please forgive me, JJ, please, I’m so sorry,” Emily’s voice was laced with worry; she couldn’t quite gauge exactly how JJ was feeling. She held the blonde woman tightly against her chest; there was no way she’d let her go ever again. “You have to know this was the only choice to keep you alive.”

JJ shook her head, sitting up straight. “Stop. I don’t care,” she looked at the woman in front of her, and it was like everything around her melted away. “I don’t want to hear it; I don’t want to talk about it, not yet,” she grabbed the brunette’s face, taking in every aspect of Emily’s face. Not wanting to forget a single thing.

“You were dead. You were dead, and now you’re not. I don’t care,” she wasn’t lying when she said she didn’t care. She had Emily back. It felt like her body had suddenly switched on; for so long, she felt absolutely nothing, but all of a sudden, the woman she loved was right in front of her, and she could feel again, like time had restarted.

She smiled a truly genuine smile, the contrast stark against the tears still spilling down her face. “I love you,” she whispered, their foreheads pressing together.

Emily’s shoulders dropped; she let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. The whole time she was away, she wasn’t able to have any contact with JJ or know anything about her. She had no idea if she’d return to JJ, finding out she’d moved on.

Emily pressed her lips against JJ’s in a desperate kiss; it had been five years since she’d felt the warmth of JJ’s lips against hers. She held her head gently, reluctantly pulling away from the kiss. She smiled, tucking a stray hair behind JJ’s ear. “I was terrified you might’ve moved on,” Emily confessed, vulnerability evident in her voice.

“Emily, you left me no choice,” she said, motioning between the two of them.

“I would’ve stayed here forever.”

[askthefivefallen]

Angel has fat nuggets and Charlie has KeeKee, is there any chance any of you would want a pet in the future? I think Junior would be a very good cat dad.

J: "Oh, I think I'd like having a cat! Should probably figure out how to take care of myself first, though, before getting a pet..."

R: "Hey, you're taking care of yourself just fine, dude. You can feed and water yourself, plus hygiene- I think that's enough to consider yourself for being a cat dad. It's not like you have to teach the cat accounting."

L: "Plus, having a pet can be therapeutic. Maybe we should ask about visiting a... pound? I think that's what they're called."

R: "Why a pound specifically?"

L: "Well, after spending over two centuries indiscriminately killing Sinners, offering a home to those considered unwanted might be a step towards... something. It was just a thought."

T: "Well, we'll need to be careful about visiting pounds in Hell. Pounds can also be Hellhound adoption agencies, and there's a pretty big difference between adopting a pet and adopting a kid."

A: "Wait, do Hellcats exist? I want a Hellcat."

T: "Did- did you not just hear me-"

A: "I heard you but fuck it, I'm a great role model, I want a Hellcat."

R: "Too bad, you're not getting a Hellcat."

A: "Fuck you."

R: "Or any kind of cat. You need to learn how to mind boundaries before you go near another cat; the fact Keekee only teleported you into the air instead of a hellfire pit is the only reason you're not extra crispy right now."

A: "I'm getting a Hellcat, fucking watch me."

L: "I think you'd do better with a ball python. They're more sedate and come in pretty colors."

A: "Ball py- isn't that a snake?"

L: "Yes. A literal, actual snake, the embodiment of defiance against Heaven, the misunderstood creature bearing an eternal curse."

A: "... okay yeah I want a snake now."

R, quietly: "Nice save."

A: "If I get a black snake and put a top hat on it, think I could convince the Egg Boiz it's Sir Pentious' son?"

J: "Could you? Absolutely. Would you survive Cherri finding out?"

T: "You know, all this talk of pets makes me want one. Lefty, what sort of pet should I get?"

L: "Uh, well... it's hard to say? I mean, I would say a working breed of dog as a running partner but you... have that covered? A boxer might suit you, though. They're very playful and energetic."

T: "Playful and energetic, that's me! I think you should get a bird, Lefty. Like, a falcon or something. You'd be a good falconer. Falconeer?"

L: "Falconer and really? I would've expected um... something like a canary."

T: "Ah, c'mon, you're one of the most fearless divers ever! I've seen you pull up from a dive at the actual last possible second! You're totally a falcon."

J: "Oh, hey, there's actually a pound in the Pride Ring. It's not too far away, either, and look! They've got some cats. Think we could go and just look?"

R: "Two things: one, we can't all leave the hotel at the same time, and two, don't I get a pet?"

L: "Righty, we all know you adopted two of the rats, you're covered on pets."

R: "I have no idea what you're talking about."

A: "Oh, fuck off, you're not subtle. You named one Squeakerton and the other McCheesings. Which... honestly, are we sure we can't become actual Sinners, because those name choices are actual Sins."

R: "They chose their names!"

L: "Writing a bunch of names on pieces of paper and waiting for them to eat one is not a good naming mechanic."

R: "Oh, what, should I use the Adam method?"

T: "Wait... do rats have tits?"

L: "I mean, yes, they're mammals, so they definitely have-"

R: "Tits, Junior, Ass, you three go to the pound and see if any of the animals there catch your eyes. Because, honestly, I don't want a biology lesson right now on the sexual organs of rats."

[countrymusiclover]

38 - Switching Date Plans

Part 39

Family is More than Blood

@secretdreamlandmentality

Tossing the covers off of myself the sun was just starting to rise when I got out of the bed and got dressed for the day. Putting my hair up in a high ponytail I slipped on a black sweatshirt paired with some light blue jeans and white tenna shoes. Leaving the mansion I vamped to the front door about to step outside but when my hand touched the sunlight it burnt. Vamping back against the staircase I heard my husband’s voice. “I was afraid of that happening after you said you put your magic away.”

“I'm in no mood for a lecture from you, Niklaus.” I huffed, slumping my shoulders.

He stands in front of the fireplace, arms crossed over his chest. “It seems I do need to lecture you. You placed your magic away without talking with me first.”

“Um how about it's the fact that it's my magic!” I raised my voice, flashing my fangs at my husband.

Klaus shakes his head at me. He walked over to me keeping some distance between the two of us. “Fine, poor choice of words on my part. But I figured that this would happen. You took away your powers to not burn in the sun.”

“Okay so that just means I need a daylight ring. Shouldn't be a problem since we have so many witches at our disposal. Good day to you, Mr. Mikaelson.” I snapped vamping towards the door but he got in front of me blocking me inside the mansion.

He stared down at me, not moving. “Raelyn, I am not letting you leave until we talk this out.”

“You think you can stop me, ha what can you offer me that I can’t get on my own.” Putting my hands on my hips I laughed thinking he could control me. I assumed he would have learned his lesson after all these years we have spent together.

He reached inside his jacket drawing out a ring with a golden gemstone in the center, holding it between his thumb and index finger. “I had Missy spell you a ring last night. But I will only give it to you if you sit down and explain to me what made you think that you had to give up your magic.”

“Come on, Nik. Don’t be ridiculous…ah!” I reached for it but he tossed it into his other hand and held it above my head.

He tilted his head to the side. “I want you to remember that you said you would never give up your magic. You said as long as you could be with me you’d never do something so reckless.”

“And I also believed that I could be an actual queen like you promised me. Yet we live in the real world, don’t have crowns and don’t live or own a castle.”

The hybrid eyed his wife silently for a moment. He promised he would offer her the entire world at her feet if she wished for it. Yet he couldn't wrap his head around why he did something like this. She was nicknamed his heretic queen after all. “Let me show that you have more control over yourself than you realize.”

“But we know I'm a Ripper. Ripper's don't have self control.” I told my husband.

Klaus takes my hand in his, slipping the ring on my right ring finger. “I'll be here to pull you back in case you've forgotten. Once you can become one with your full vampire side you will have nothing to fear.”

“I don’t fear my vampire side, Nik. It's my witch one.” I mumbled before he held my face in his hands.

He rested his forehead against mine. “Both are connected, Raelyn. One cannot work without the other. You were meant to be a vampire and witch. Like I was meant to be a werewolf vampire hybrid.”

“You're right about that but I need time to myself now. I need to just be an ordinary vampire for a while.” Vamping around him I placed my hand on the door handle flinging it opened about to leave.

Klaus turned around watching me. “Where are you going?”

“To find the only friend I have who is just an ordinary vampire. Caroline Forbes.” I replied, vamping out of his sight.

Klaus ran his fingers through his hair needing to fix his wife. He knew she could handle herself but she wasn't her true self at this moment. He needed to find a way to convince her to take her magic back…but he had no clue where to start. He assumed his sister or Valerie most likely would have some answers.

Missy’s Pov

Sitting outside of the high school I was waiting for Ethan since his school day was about to be over with. Alina was still recovering in the hospital after giving birth. Hope was off somewhere doing something with Landon. Henrik was at the boarding school with my younger twin siblings leaving me basically on my own for the evening. The school doors opened with a whole bunch of people coming out but he found me sitting on the hood of his truck. “Hey M & M, this is a surprise.”

“Hey E, I got out of class early and my family is off doing their own things. So I thought I'd come steal you away for the weekend.” I jumped down from his truck, hugging him gently.

He smiled where I squeezed him back softly. “What did you have in mind?”

“There's this old lake house that used to belong to my moms friend Elena Gilbert that her family owned. But she doesn’t use it that much.” I shrugged my shoulders standing in front of him.

Ethan sent me a cheeky smile. “That sounds like fun. Is it just us going?’

“Yep.” I said climbing into the passenger seat and he got in the drivers seat.

He started the truck engine. “Oh I forgot to ask how is your sister after having her baby?”

“She’s resting in the hospital. Has a baby boy named Xavier.” I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Taking it out it was my dad video calling me. “Hey dad, what do you need?”

“I need you to babysit your younger siblings for a few days while I follow your mother to go meet up with Caroline.”

Ethan and I shared the same confused look. “Uh dad, quick question. Does mom know you are going to follow her to basically spy on her?”

“Well not entirely. But that isn’t important. I need you to babysit for me.” He cut me off.

I sighed leaning back in my seat not really wanting to stay home here for the weekend. “Dad, I would normally be up for it. It's just this weekend I was going to hang out with Ethan.”

“He's a good mate. He can come over to the mansion and babysit with you.” He still wasn't listening and wouldn't take no for an answer.

“Dad, I just said I don't feel like babysitting and mom won't be happy your following her considering she doesn't want to take her magic back just yet. You should respect what she wants.”

My father growled, flashing his werewolf eyes. “Melissa, this is not a debate.”

“It's okay Mr. Mikaelson. We can watch the young kiddos.” Ethan takes my phone from my hands pointing the camera at himself rather than me.

My father nodded while hanging up the phone. “Thank you, Mr. Machado.”

Ethan and I made our way over to my parents mansion and I already saw that my father had left with his phone and car keys to track my mother against what she asked him to do. Shutting the front door Ethan sat his bag by it when I huffed heading up the stairs. “I think we would be having so much more fun at the lake house than babysitting two toddlers and a kid.”

“Hey don’t worry about it. I don’t mind what we do as long as we can hang out together.” He responded walking beside where I opened the bedroom door of my twin siblings.

Pausing in the doorway I gasped not expecting to see a certain someone inside of our house. “Aunt Bonnie!”

“Long time no see, Missy.” She turned on her feet holding baby Charming in her hands leaving Rapunzel down in the crib.

I covered my mouth running to her after she laid my brother back in the crib embracing me in the same level of energy. “I can’t believe you’re here right now. Wait, why are you?”

“Your mother told me about the little ones trying to use their magic recently. I thought I should try to figure out their powers before calling Valerie back into town since she just saved your mother’s life with the Hollow.” Bonnie explains looking over my shoulder. “Who’s the boy?”

Ethan nervously waved to her. “Hi uh…I’m Ethan. Missy and I are dating.”

“He’s human and goes to Mystic Falls. But don’t worry he knows about the basics of the supernatural world.” I reassured her once we had broken the long time needed hug.

The falls witch smiled sitting down on the ground grabbing some candles and some blood that she had gotten from pricking each babies fingers. Ethan and I slowly sat down in the circle with her. She snapped her fingers lighting the candles around us. “Just so we’re clear, nothing that we find out can leave this room, Ethan. People in this town aren’t very good with finding out supernatural creatures live among them.”

“I understand. We’re in this together.” Ethan reached for my hand and I smiled, slipping my hands into my aunts, focusing my attention on the spell we needed to do.

Bonnie sighed, slumping her shoulders. “Just repeat after me….Phasmatos physium calva, Phasmatos physium cavla.”

“Agh! Uh Bonnie, is it supposed to hurt this much?” I questioned wincing while I kept my eyes shut. There were flashes of storm clouds and lightning appearing in my mind. I also saw two young kids who resembled my younger siblings and when they turned around I saw black energy coming from Charming's hand but bright gold energy from Rapunzel.

Ethan grabbed my shoulders yanking me backwards and Bonnie hit the bookshelf behind her needing to catch her breath too. “Missy! What the hell did you see in that spell, you and Bonnie both looked ready to pass out.”

“I don’t believe what I saw. It can’t be possible, Aunt Bonnie. Rapunzel being born good and Charming having dark magic.” Brushing my hair up into a mess I laid my head against Ethan’s chest.

The small town witch had finally caught her breath not knowing what to say to the young heretic across from her. She sat upright against the bookshelf still processing it herself before she ever responded. “I’m sorry, Missy. But this type of magic doesn’t lie. We have to tell your parents when they get back.”

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[freethoughtsfreetherapy]

thoughts of may 2024

I have spent the last few weeks resenting myself for not being able to find a job since february, wasting time and money. I have called myself lazy, useless, and a waste of space for not being able to get a response even from a basic part time job offer. Especially now that I have finally applied for government aid in finding a new job - it legit took me 30 minutes online so I blame myself for not doing it sooner. I feel so emotionally weak, because I know that many people have it worse than me and still have managed to find a job, meanwhile I just feel like a trust fund baby who can't even build some savings for her own studies despite all the free time she has.

I guess the reason why I couldn't find a job also has to do with the fact that I didn't apply for jobs whose working hours would make me give up on the english lessons I teach on wednesdays (which don't even pay well and take up my whole day to prepare), nor my dance classes on evenings. I guess I am more loyal to those kids than I thought, and maybe developed some sort of affection for them? it's really weird.

But what I want to do now is repent for my mistakes, take a plane and go see my mother to give myself an actual break from all that loneliness. There is no point obsessing over what I should have done, how I could have made more money bla bla bla - instead I should try my best to make money this summer before I leave the country. And when I get settled abroad, I will try my best to find a part time job for like 500 extra euros a month or something. That way I will finance all my hobbies there - dance, travelling, shopping, etc. It's okay to make mistakes and bad choices, you're gonna be okay, it's not the end of the world. You'll be fine.

[dirtanddistance]

Squamish50 Reflections

Now that the afterglow of the 50-miler has faded and reality sets back in, I’ve had a moment to reflect on some of the lessons and oddities I encountered during and after the race, and am ready to share them with the internet void (and you, dear reader)!

Appetite woes: A common joke in the running community is the idea of running a lot so you can eat a lot. While I try not to fall into this mindset, I 100% expected to feel pretty famished within 24 hours of finishing a 50 miler. I was surprised to discover that I was wrong, and that it actually took two or three days to really feel hungry again. I panicked during the first day and had to google if this is normal. At least two other people on the internet said it was.

I have no control over the inside of my brain: This is a lesson I should have learned from my 3 prior ultras, which, although they were all 50ks, were all over the spectrum in the mental aspect. I already had experienced that you can do the exact same race twice and have dramatically different experiences despite having trained pretty solidly both times. All of these experiences were conveniently not in my brain when I panicked about 15k into this race and alternated between a steady negotiation with myself about quitting and the song ‘Replay’ by Iyaz on loop in my head.

If you run long enough, your brain will generate thoughts you no longer thought you had access to: see above, having ‘Replay’ stuck in my head for at least 35% of my course time. I had not listened to this song since I was in high school. It does not resemble anything currently on my very carefully curated training playlists. I had meticulously groomed my listening habits during my training runs with an agreeable mixture of Rich Roll podcast episodes and music which I thought would be okay to have stuck in my head during a race. None of this was remotely useful during the actual race. I did not draw on any deep inspiration I may have gleaned from my podcast consumption, and the only thing I accomplished by listening to The 1975 for hours each week was to have a recurring nightmare featuring Matty Healy. Not a singular controversial groovy bop remained in my head to console me as I plodded along. Only Replay by Iyaz, and the specter of giving up and going home.

People will think you’re crazy for not listening to anything during the race: I listened to music, podcasts, or the voices of my friends during literally every training run for this race. I listened to absolutely nothing besides whatever was going on around me during the race. I have never listened to music during a race. My mother thought I was a raving lunatic when I informed her I was not going to listen to anything during the race. Now, was it a good decision to listen to nothing? I think the fact that my brain spontaneously reintroduced me to a total banger of a throwback jam was worth it, but there is always the possibility that I could’ve drowned out the quitter-itis with bops. The fact that I had no bops and still did not quit may deserve a medal of its own, and at minimum gives me a mild air of smugness about my mental game for surviving like it did.

The voice that tells you you’re never doing this again will go away alarmingly fast: I was completely ready to say I was never going to do any race ever again when I crossed the finish line (we can ignore the fact that I was already registered for another race less than two months out from the ultra). I proceeded to register for an 8k in my hometown within the week, and within about two weeks was ready to sign up for at least another 50k in the coming months. I don’t offer much unsolicited advice about ultras, but one thing I do think is really important is to have fun and follow your heart about them. You might have periods where you’re really enthusiastic about running real long, and seasons where there’s just no pull to register for an event. My experience is that listening to that is a really good idea. The drive to get out there again will come back, even if it takes longer than expected, and you’ll have a much better time training when you’re feeling ready to go again than if you are trudging through because you feel like you ‘have to’ do another ultra. The trails will be there waiting when you’re ready, take your time.

Next up: Valley Vertikiller 30k Race Review

[lesfeldickbiblestudy]

  Through the Bible with Les Feldick LESSON 1 * PART 2 * BOOK 79 PART 3 of the MESSIANIC PROPHECIES – PART 2 Psalms 40 and 41 Okay, good to have all of you back from your coffee break. We’re going to pick right up where we left off.  You can go back with me to chapter 40 of Psalms, and then we’ll probably go back up to Hebrews again. Anyhow, for those of you out in television—again, we always want to be reminded that because of your prayers and your financial help, we are reaching more and more people every day.  I’ve said it before on the program.  I never considered myself a soul-winner per se.  I always felt my ministry was primarily to just teach believers.  But, oh, my goodness, you ought to read our mail – how many people will say that for the first time in their life they’ve heard the plan of salvation.  They’ve come into it, and they just rejoice in it.  So that tells us that the Lord is blessing it beyond anything we could have ever dreamed. I don’t know—maybe I’ll take time sometime this afternoon and give a brief explanation of how in the world we ever got on television.  Well, I’m going to tell you right now, it wasn’t my idea, believe me.  But maybe in the next program I’ll take two or three minutes—because it’ll be a long time before the program comes on where we explain all of that (Book 42). Okay, we’re going to keep right on where we left off in that first half hour.  We were in Psalms chapter 40.  One of the Messianic Psalms where David the prophet is actually speaking, many times, the exact words that Christ used—or at least it’s a close explanation of His first advent ministry.  And, you remember, we got down as far as verses 7 and 8 where he said: Psalms 40:7-8 “Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me, 8. I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.”  Now, let’s go back to Hebrews 10 for just a moment.  I’m afraid I left off a little too quickly when I ran out of time in the last lesson.   So come back with me to Hebrews 10, and then we’ll go back to Psalms. Then we’re going to come back to John’s Gospel.  That’s Bible study. Hebrews chapter 10 verse 9, where Paul is using the exact quote of Psalms chapter 40. Hebrews 10:9 “Then said he, Lo, I come to do thy will, O God.  (Now that’s God the Son speaking to God the Father.) He taketh away the first, that he may establish the second.”  Now you’ve got to remember, Paul, here in the Book of Hebrews—now I recognize some don’t think Paul wrote it. But I’m not going to get all exercised over that.  But nevertheless, I want to point out that whoever wrote it, what is he showing here when “He took away the first that he might establish the second”? What’s he talking about?  Well, the system of Law—sacrifices, Temple worship, and the feast days.  That was all done away with by the work of the cross.  So he says here in verse 9 that “He taketh away the first, (That is the whole system of Law and Temple worship.) that He may establish the second”—which is this Age of Grace. We’re not under Law. We’re under Grace—which most of Christendom still can’t get through their head; but nevertheless, it’s so obvious.  Now in verse 10: Hebrews 10:10 “By the which will (That is the will of God.) we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.”    Now let’s see, we’re going to have another one in maybe the next Psalm, where we have a reference to the fact that He was given a physical body.  All right, stay here in Hebrews 10 for just a little bit. Hebrews 10:10b-11 “…through the offering of the body (the human body) of Jesus Christ once for all.   (Not just once a year.  Not just once every hundred years, but for all eternity.) 11. And every priest (in the old economy)standeth daily ministering and offering oftentimes the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins:” Animals’ blood couldn’t atone for anything.  All right, now verse 12: Hebrews 10:12-13 “But this man, (the man Christ Jesus) after

he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God;  (Now I’m glad I came back, because I wanted you to see verse 13.)  13. From henceforth (That is where He has been positioned ever since His ascension in Acts chapter 1.  He has been seated positionally at the right hand of the Father.) From henceforth (That is from the time that He went back to Glory He is waiting for the day that--) expecting till his enemies (Christ-rejecting mankind, Israel in particular, that they would--) be made his footstool.” Now, what does the footstool imply?  He’s got them under His feet.  They are no longer in a position to resist Him.  He’s ready to come back and exercise His power and His Kingship.    Now let’s go back to Psalms, and we’ll move on—back to Psalms 40, verse 8. Psalms 40:8-10 “I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart. 9. I have preached righteousness in the great congregation: lo, I have not refrained my lips, O LORD, thou knowest. 10. I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart; I have declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation: I have not concealed thy loving kindness and thy truth from the great congregation.”  Who’s the great congregation?  Israel.  The Nation. Now don’t ever forget Romans 15 verse 8.  “Now I say--” Maybe we’d better look at it.  Keep your hand here.  I’m through in Hebrews.  Keep your hand in Psalms 40.  Come back with me to Romans. And if you happen to hit John’s Gospel, put a mark in it; because we’re going to come to it in just a minute.  But here in Romans chapter 15 is a verse that I use over and over because it says it all.  And again, what most of Christendom knows nothing of.  Oh, it’s awful, isn’t it, Charlie, how little people know?  Oh, it’s so sad.  And the Book is here.  They’ve had it for 2,000 years.  And they just don’t know what it says. Romans 15:8a “Now I say that Jesus Christ (Jesus of Nazareth) was (past tense) a minister of the circumcision,…”  Who is the circumcision?  Israel.  That’s who He was a minister to.  Not to the whole world, not up front.  Remember, I’m always reminding people—I’m not saying ever, but up front.  When He made His appearance, it was only to the Nation of Israel.  And it wasn’t until Israel’s rejection that it brought about Salvation for the whole human race.  But keep everything in its order. Romans 15:8b “Now I say that Jesus Christ was a minister of the circumcision for the truth of God, (It was His plan.  It was for His purposes that He came to His own, but His own received him not.  And why did he come?) to confirm the promises made unto (Whom?) the fathers:”  Not to the Gentile world.  He came to the Nation of Israel to fulfill all those Old Testament prophecies. Now if you’ll flip back to Psalms just a minute, then we’re going to jump back up to John’s Gospel.  Now reading verse 9: Psalms 40:9a “I have preached righteousness in the great congregation:…”  In Israel.  For three years He proclaimed who He was and all the promises attendant with faith in Him as the Messiah. Psalms 40:10a “I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart;…”  He declared everything. Psalms 40:11 “Withhold not (Or we would say – do not withhold.) thou thy tender mercies from me, O LORD: let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me.” I’m going to stop there, and we’re going to jump up to John’s Gospel. Go to chapter 17.  I think that’s the chapter a lot of people call the high priestly prayer.  I think I’ve almost never used any of this in a previous program.  So I want to take time today.  I didn’t really intend to do this over maybe a minute or two, but I think I should.  John’s Gospel chapter 17 as Jesus is pouring out His heart in prayer. Now always remember, don’t ever forget, that Jesus operated on two levels.  He was totally man.  He was totally God.  He never let them intertwine, but yet He would go from one to the other.  Okay, now the point I want to make—whenever Jesus prayed to the Father, He was not using the Deity side.

  He was using which side?  The human.  When He suffered, He suffered in the human realm.  But His Spirit also suffered in the Godly realm, or the God-realm.  So as you read these, you’ve got to understand that He’s pouring out His heart—as He said in Psalms 40 He would—to God the Father.  But He’s praying from His humanity. John 17:1-2a “These words spake Jesus, and lifted up his eyes to heaven, (So He’s going to be addressing God the Father.  And He said:) Father the hour is come: (Now remember, He’s probably in the Garden, if I’m not mistaken here.) glorify thy Son, that thy Son also may glorify thee. 2. As thou has given him power over all flesh,…”  Now remember who’s speaking.  Jesus of Nazareth, pouring out His heart from the human side, to God the Father. John 17:2 “As thou hast given him power over all flesh, that he (speaking of Himself) should give eternal life to as many as thou (God the Father) hast given him.” Now again, we always have to realize that the work of the Holy Spirit and the Father and the Son all work in consort to open the hearts and minds of lost people to come to faith.  Now remember, we’re dealing primarily with the Nation of Israel. John 17:3a “And this is life eternal,…”  Now you’ve got to remember—oh, just put all these things together.  With the woman at the well—when Jesus was speaking of life-giving water, what kind of a question did that bring out of that woman? Well, this is Jacob’s well.  What’s the matter with this water?  And what did Jesus tell her?  I’m not talking about H2O.  I’m talking about spiritual water—life-giving water; eternal, life-giving water.  Now, it’s the same concept here.  What Jesus is talking about is not physical life, but eternal life. John 17:3 “And this is the life eternal, that they (That is the Nation of Israel.  That’s all He’s concerned about at this point in time.) might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.”  What did God want?  He wanted Israel to understand who this Jesus really was. Now I’m thinking again of something else.  We use it all the time.  Come back.  Keep your hand in John.  Matthew 16 and this is exactly what the Lord had in mind for all of Israel, not just for Peter, but for all Israel.  Matthew 16, you should know these verses by memory.  We use them often enough.  Here, once again, we’re at the end of His three years.  They are about ready to go up to Jerusalem for the Passover and the Crucifixion. But they are up in Northern Israel, so they’re a few days away. Matthew 16:13-14 “When Jesus came into the borders of Caesarea Philippi, (the headwaters of the Jordan River) he asked his disciples, (the Twelve) saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am? 14. And they (the Eleven) said, some say that thou art John the Baptist: some Elijah; and others, Jeremiah, or one of the prophets.” Matthew 16:15-16 “He (Jesus) saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am? (And here Peter speaks up.  I don’t think he did in the first guessing of what people thought, but now he does.) 16. And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, (the Messiah, the Promised One, see) the Son of the living God.” Now that’s all Jesus is praying to the Father that Israel would recognize.  Oh, that they could just see who I am!!  But what was their answer?  “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?”  See that?  Okay, back to John’s Gospel verse 4. John 17:4-5 “I have glorified thee on the earth: (He’s had His three years of ministry.) I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do. (In other words, to convince Israel who He was, even though He didn’t succeed.  He spent His whole three years.) 5. And now, O Father, glorify thou me with thine own self with the glory which I had with thee before the world (even) was.”  What does that mean?  From eternity past. I asked one of my classes the other night—have you ever, if you wake up in the middle of the night, or if you’re just resting in your easy chair during the day, or you’re out for

a walk, whatever—have you ever stopped to just analyze eternity?  Have you ever stopped to figure out how long back, as well as forward, eternity is?  Well, think about it some time. You can’t get far, because there’s no way we can comprehend forever and ever and ever and ever back.  And ever and ever and ever into the future—we can’t begin.  But see, this is what the Lord Jesus is claiming.  God the Father and God the Son were already together in the eons of past eternity. I just had a thought and I lost it.  I was going to go to another verse with regard to the eternalness of it all.  But maybe it’ll come back.   All right, oh, I know where I was going to go.  Look at verse 5 again. John 17:5 “And now, O Father, glorify me with thine own self with the glory which I had with thee before the world was.” All right, now here’s the thought I want to leave you.  When Christ came to earth, if I understand Scripture correctly, the only thing He laid aside and did not bring with Him was His Glory.  Is that right? I’m going to qualify that.  I’m going to show you in a minute why that was wrong.  Only three men ever got a glimpse of His glory while He was on earth.  What am I talking about?  The Transfiguration.  Yeah, some of you have been with me long enough. Go back to Matthew.  I think it is verse 16 or 17.  This is the kind of a glory that He knew from eternity past.  And you know what?  It’s the kind of a glory we’re going to see when we see Him.  It’s beyond comprehension.  But it was just a little, brief glimpse of His glory.  All right, Matthew—oh, my goodness, I’ve got to go up to the last verse of chapter 16, because I get a lot of questions on this verse. Matthew 16:28 “Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the son of man coming in his Kingdom.” What was He talking about?  Well, He was talking about the transfiguration when He told the Twelve that there were some of them that would not die until they saw the Son of Man in all His glory.  And that was, of course, Peter, James, and John. Matthew 17:1-2a “And after six days Jesus taketh Peter, James, and John his brother, and bringeth them up into an high mountain apart, (just the four of them) 2. And (He) was transfigured before them: (before Peter, James, and John—the three of them) and his face did shine as the (What?) the sun,…”  Can you look into the bright noonday sun and get away with it?  No, you cannot.  It’ll burn your eyes.  That’s the kind of a glory that He was showing to these three men. Matthew 17:2b “…His face did shine as the sun, and his raiment (His clothing, whatever He was wearing.) was white as the light.”  And those men caught it.  Just a glimpse of it. All right, now come back to John.  This is what He’s referring to.  This was the kind of glory that He had to lay aside, or everybody that met Him would have ended up blind.  In fact, I think, really, that’s what happened to the Saul of Tarsus on the road to Damascus. I think that light from Heaven was just like a welder’s torch. It just seared his eyes, and he was blind.  And I think that was the malady that he carried with him the rest of his life.  Now that’s speculation, and I can’t prove that.  I always make a note when I bring this in.  But nevertheless, this was the glory that He had with God before the world was ever created.   All right, now here it comes, almost word-for-word out of the Book of Psalms. John 17:6 “I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world:  (That is the Eleven believing disciples.  We’re going to talk about Judas a little later this afternoon.) thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word.”  Now verse 7, now remember, this is a prayer.  He’s praying to the Father. John 17:7-8 “Now they (these Eleven) have known that all things whatsoever thou hast given me are of thee. (It’s a God connection.) 8. For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they

have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have (What’s the next word?) believed that thou didst send me.” In other words, those Eleven believers—I’m leaving Judas out—those Eleven believers now got a comprehension of who Jesus of Nazareth really was.  He was a member of the Godhead.  He was the Creator of everything.  Verse 9 and this is the Lord Jesus pouring out His heart that night just before His arrest. John 17:9-10 “I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them (These Eleven, especially, maybe He was including some of those other believing Jews.  But He’s praying primarily for these Eleven disciples.) which thou hast given me; for they are thine. 10. And all mine are thine, and thine are mine; and I am glorified in them.” John 17:11 “And now I am no more in the world, (In other words, He’s about ready to go through His death, burial, and resurrection. And then His ascension where He’ll be back with the Father.) but these are in the world, (These eleven men, they’re in the world.) and I come to thee.  Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are.”  In other words, that relationship between the believer and God the Son and God the Father.  We have that same thing, of course, in our glorious Age of Grace. That comes back to Romans chapter 8—that if we’re born from above, we are heirs of God; we are joint-heirs with Christ. All right, I love this.  John 17, I don’t know why I’ve never taught it before in the program setting, but I haven’t.  Verse 12: John 17:12 “While I was with them in the world, (those three years) I kept them in thy name:  (That’s why they were so insulated from all the hatred and all the things that were constantly around them.) those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, (Except who?) but the son of perdition; (Here it comes now.) that the scripture might be fulfilled.”  And we’ll come back to that again in the next Psalms. John 17:13 “And now I come to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.” Let’s go back to Psalms, so we make a little headway anyway.  Come back with me now to Psalms chapter 40.  I just wanted you to see how everything that David by inspiration wrote was actually fulfilled in the life of Christ in His three years of earthly ministry. All right, now let’s go back and rehearse how the Psalmist puts it.  Then, I think, you’ll see the connection.  Psalms 40 verse 9 again: Psalms 40:9-10 “I have preached righteousness in the great congregation: (in other words, the Nation of Israel) lo, I have not refrained my lips, O LORD, thou knowest. 10. I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart; (In other words, He was constantly letting Israel know who He was.  The only reason they didn’t know it was because they couldn’t believe it.) I have declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation: I have not concealed thy lovingkindness and thy truth from the great congregation.” The Nation of Israel should have known.  How many times have you heard me say that?  Israel should have known who He was.  Israel could have known who He was.  But Israel what?  They never knew.  Isn’t it sad?  But, you know, it’s the same way today.  It’s the same way today.  My goodness, America of all places, from coast-to-coast, should know the God of this Book.  But I read something last night that scares the socks off of me. There have been a lot of books published and brought on the market just in the last three or four months written by atheists.  And they are selling by the millions.  That was the word that the guy used.  These books authored by these atheists are selling by the millions here in our beloved America.  Well, what does that tell you?  Our younger generation is going down the tubes spiritually.  They’re the ones that I’m most concerned about in this coming election.  They have absolutely no spiritual concept anymore. I’ve got time enough.

  In one of George Barna’s recent polls, and I may have referred to it in an earlier program, he was polling only young people below the age of 17 from evangelical churches.  Eighty percent of them didn’t even know what a Damascus Road experience was.  Imagine! One of the fundamental stories in our Bible and 80% of evangelical kids did not know what it was.

[madafact]

looking back to push on

i have always felt that i was the black sheep of the family.

a bunch of italian names, and then the irish one comes out. no we're not irish and have no roots there. it was just a thing....

furthermore showing me that intention was never assigned to my life, kind of just like a left overs baby. ehh, give em whatever is left over.

anthony got named after family, i got named after someone in the news.

wow

even when i bring up this example, it does not land, in fact its another one of those, 'you see the worst in everything' situations. i have always been the debbie downer. the david downer, the brendon bummer. on my birth certificate my name is spelled brendan. but i was told my name is brendon.

i pursued my discomfort around my absent mom early in my 20's. this led me to so many realizations about myself and the setting i was raised in. lots of blame, lots of shame, lots of suicide, lots of misery.

i was institutionalized at age 8 for suicidal thoughts and "actions'

can an 8 year old load a gun? not if we strap them down and isolate them. thanks terrie.

so i have always felt out of place, the accident child, the one who kind of just pushed his way in. gregg my father likes to bring up the fact i was a 'cocaine baby'

meaning i was born withdrawling from coke and still he thinks my mom wasnt an addict or even a source of difficulty for my life or how i function in it.

he literally brought it up during a commemorative speech for anthony at a local dinner with friends, you should have seen their reactions and what they said afterward? "why the fuck did he bring that up" thanks gregg.

so we are here, the chosen son is gone, i heard at dinner tonight that the masters family died with anthony as i am incapable of having kids i guess. again, dont trust the accident child.

this is all after i spent the last ten plus years trying to fix the situtation of the family mistrust and blah blah blah.

lynne passed away and i became the center for the rage, guilt and shame that had previously been reserved for her. i was told i was an arrogant prick trying to steal assets and take everything for myself.

this is after i offered 100k for paying down the mortgage.

"this is my asset, you got yours now leave mine alone' thanks gregg

but i am here, in a space that i planned for. i saw the writing on the wall, given my future and well being, these people would throw me under the bus for their own gain and satisfaction.

i bought a van, built it out, got a dog, and said goodbye. i had a disclaim of inheretence all set up and ready to be notarized that would have made anthony greggs only heir. but i waited, something told me it wasnt the right time.

now the accident child gets it all, and that is not okay, so it all must be destroyed. thats where we are.

gregg is convinced i am the problem and he uses a victim mentality to squash any ability to have insight into his role.

he sits there while being regaled of anthonys struggle and not an ounce of realization comes out that he was the example that anthony learned to follow. not him, never, it was lynne and terrie, and me. me, 3 years younger caused all the discomfort and deceit that lead anthony down this path of self destruction.

so this is where i am at. i am grabbing my dog, taking van and going to do what i planned. gregg and terrie can fight eachother to death, destroy the houe and all the 'family assets' and thats just what it is

i knew this was coming. my journals are proof. i have physical proof that my mind wasnt going crazy, but actually seeing things as they were.

why would i trust people who have never had my well being in mind?

its always been about them, what the could gain, how they could benefit, and anyone else be dammed. i was smart enough to read the writing on the wall. and here is comes.

thanks for the lesson anthony.

[cowboyjen68]

Oh cowboyjen, the world feels so harsh and damaging and I feel so small. I’m a child of abuse and I feel like I had to teach myself everything to heal myself - but not before I fucked up my life and squandered a windfall that could have ensured my comfortable retirement. I’m so sad and angry and ashamed. I was only doing the best I could at the time. Why is the world so messed up and harsh? Do you think it’s getting better? I’m heartbroken.

I know the world is scary and unpredictable and dangerous. The bad news is, it always had been. Which is also the good news in some ways. The cycle of our world is that it is a constant battle of unfair vs fair and love vs hate and good vs evil and dangerous vs safe. When humans are involved the there will always be an up and down and back and forth in the world we are given to live in. It can be awful to see hurt in the world but can be reassuring to know it is nothing new, only the details and humans find a way to bring comfort and happiness to each other and themselves time after time. 

I had a pretty happy and healthy upbringing and I STILL managed to waste the hard earned money my mom and dad left to me. It was not a windfall but sure would have made my life more financially stable.  At the time I let my wife spend most of it and I take the blame. She was following her own patterns from growing up poor and I did not have the courage to say “no”. The loss caused me to do a few things that, had they continued, could have had a devastating impact on my life. 

After we split up I had the choice of continuing to spend my energy on wishing things were different and to wonder “what if” or do some actual work to make my life better, if not immediately, at least in my future.  My friends encouraged me to get a therapist and to figure out what priorities were important to me. The problem I was facing, which sounds like you are also struggling with, was the fact that I felt so overwhelmed I was stuck in the mud of what was done and unable to know how or what step to take to get back to solid ground. 

I listed on paper what I wanted. I listened to myself. The Me now and not the one from the past. It took several tries to be honest with myself and to lay out a plan. I was, like you, so ashamed of my actions I wasn’t seeking help or trying to find ways to improve my lot in life. When I asked for help I was sure people were judging me and I had to be okay with that happening to get the the resources that could give me some leverage to move on and improve my life.

The pep talk is you are not the only one who screwed up life by not being financially responsible and you can make up for lost chances. Now here are a few of the solid lessons I learned:

Ask your bank for help. Mine has a FREE financial planning/debt reduction planning service and app that I knew nothing about. Look to social services, even ones you think you are not eligible to use. Social workers are masters of networking and if they can’t help they might know someone who can. Don’t ever be ashamed to use local foodbanks or clothing banks. Saving 20.00 from the grocery store is 20.00 you can save or use to put gas in the car to continue working. Don’t spend money to save money. You don’t need an pricey app or special account or fancy investments. A simple free savings account at a credit union is a great start. 

I work three jobs and 7 days a week. I take any hours offered me and I am never afraid to take a few Cash Under The Table jobs when they arise. At 54 I didn’t want to be working 60 to 80 hours a week. BUT I have goals and that is what it is going to take to reach them. I did however, promise myself to not be miserable at my job so I work at three places I love. this was my compromise. I will work my ass off but not as jobs I hate.  This is my good fortune and I don’t take any of that for granted.  

There will be sacrifices to play catch up in your life BUT you can decide which things you are willing to sacrifice and what you will not. Be aware of these decisions and don’t act out of emotions. Weigh the next step with your happiness and how it will affect your success to find the balance. 

You will get your head above water again but it does take work. Sadly our life is not a cute 3 minute montage with a catchy song in some feel good rags to riches movie. It takes time and effort and focus. I do promise. The work, and YOU are worth it. 

[ggukbabyy]

first kiss (2); jimin

☞ summary; jimin is completely inexperienced and after agreeing to let you teach him he gets his first proper lesson from you ☞ genre; smut, fluff, angst (barely) ☞ word count; 6.8k ☞ warnings; swearing, fingering, mentions of oral, so much kissing, handjob, dirty talk, jimin is dressed as a student, insecure jimin :((, feelings and soppy shit, this is hefty compared to the last one but i loved writing it, i hope you enjoy it!

one

The walk home is a blur. One minute Jimin is leaving your place, the next he’s at his front door. Walking down the hall, he can hear Taehyung and Jeongguk chatting casually, discussing the movie they’re about to watch.

“Jimin, you’re just in time to watch this with us,” Taehyung says, making his way to the kitchen, stopping short upon seeing Jimin’s shell-shocked expression.

“Are you okay?” He asks and Jeongguk turns around to survey him as well.

“I’ve just had my first kiss,” he states.

“Fuck off,” Jeongguk exclaims, equal parts astonished and elated, Taehyung whooping in the background. Jimin can’t contain his smile any longer, grinning from ear to ear as his friends congratulate him. 

“Who was it with?” Taehyung asks as Jimin makes his way over to the empty spot on the sofa, flopping down with a contented sigh.

“Yn,” he smirks and his friends restart their chorus of cheering. Jimin laps it up, glad that his feelings can remain uncomplicated for a little while longer.

“I’ve made enough loaded fries to feed a family of six,” Taehyung announces, bringing a huge dish full of food from the kitchen and setting it on the coffee table in front of them. They both look at Jimin expectantly. 

“Tell us everything.” 

~~~~

“And then she goes ‘I could teach you other things if you want’,” Jimin recounts.

“Holy fuck,” says Taehyung gleefully.

“She sounds dirty, what did you say back?” asks Jeongguk, stuffing more fries into his face. Jimin scoffs.

“I said no thanks I want to be a virgin forever,” he replies sarcastically. “What do you think I said? You think I’d turn that shit down?” “So you think she’ll have sex with you?” Taehyung questions. Jimin’s eyebrows draw together in confusion.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks, slightly offended.

“Well, it’s one thing to let a guy who’s never done it before eat you out and a completely different thing taking his actual virginity.” He’d not thought that far yet, not actually taken the time to consider what it would mean for you to ‘teach him’. His eyes widen as realisation dawns on him, the full weight of what he signed up to hitting him like a truck.

“Oh, my god,” he groans, head falling into his hands. He feels Jeongguk’s hand land heavily on his back, supposedly as a means of providing comfort but it feels more like he’s being attacked. “I’m starting to freak out now, this was a big mistake.” 

“Right let’s calm the fuck down,” instructs Taehyung forcefully, pulling Jimin from his shame spiral. “What about this situation could possibly be a mistake?” 

“She’s going to expect me to do things! And have things done to me, and I don't know what the fuck I’m doing!” Exclaims Jimin, gesturing wildly as he begins to panic. “I’m going to embarrass myself in front of the hottest girl I have ever seen, it will be the blowjob thing all over again but worse because I actually care what this girl thinks of me.” Taehyung’s face scrunches in confusion.

“That’s the whole fucking point,” he states. “She offered to ‘teach you’ so she expects you to perform like someone with no experience and anything up from that is a bonus. Honestly it sounds hot, roll with it.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk finally speaks up, no more food left on his plate. “She is clearly into the fact that you’re innocent and need instructions and it turns her on to be the first one to do it with you,” he shrugs like it’s the most obvious thing. Jimin is less convinced.

“You really think so?” He questions nervously. Everything seems to come so easy to his friends, the confidence, the ability to understand girls and Jimin’s lack of experience, not only sexually but emotionally, is painfully evident. He’s not proud of it but envy flickers inside his chest at how easily they decipher your motives. 

“Definitely. Speaking from a guys point of view, teaching a girl to suck you off is gloriously hot, unless she’s actually shit at it in which case it’s fucking awful,” he laughs, shaking his head to himself. This does absolutely nothing to settle Jimin’s nerves, in fact he’s so close to texting you and calling the whole thing off. Jimin’s distraught expression triggers a laugh from Taehyung. 

“Jeongguk you’re such a dick and you’re not helping,” he half-heartedly scolds. “Jimin, she likes you, she’s going to let you do a whole host of dirty things to her, she knows you’re completely inexperienced and has no expectations. This should not be a stressful situation, relax, enjoy it,” he reassures, emphasising the last two words. Taehyung is right, he needs to stop being in his head so much, he’s just inventing things to worry about. Everything will be fine. Hopefully. 

~~~~

It’s two days before Jimin properly hears from you. He’s in bed, scrolling aimlessly when the notification from you appears at the top of his screen. His heart stops and then resumes beating so hard he can feel it in his throat. 

yn [12:35am]; i’ve been trying not to seem too eager but honestly i can’t stop thinking about you.

Jimin’s heart flip-flops. You can’t stop thinking about him? The past two days it seems like every thought Jimin had was about you. He wondered over whether he should text you first, if you were busy with university work, what your hand would feel like wrapped around him and how much it would differ from his own. He felt like he was consumed by you, burning from the inside with desperation to see you, kiss you and hold you, completely oblivious to the fact that you might feel that way too. He scrambles to reply.

Jimin [12:37am]; that makes me feel much better about the amount I’ve thought about you over the past two days

He’s satisfied with that, not too embarrassing but hopefully just as flirty. Returning to instagram he tries to pretend like he’s focused on other things too, like he isn’t just thinking about your reply, when it’s going to come and what it’s going to say. A decade passes before your name shows up on his screen. 

yn [12:39am]; what kind of things have you been thinking about?

By now, it’s become very obvious that Jimin is an overthinker, and this situation is no exception. He hasn’t had much experience sexting and he’s pretty sure that’s where this conversation is going. But the more he thinks about Taehyung’s words, the more he begins to relax. It’s just you. He’s comfortable enough with you to have told you one of his most embarrassing secrets, and he’s right - you don’t expect him to know what he’s doing. Fuck it.

Jimin [12:40am]; how good your thighs look Jimin [12:40am]; and how much better they’d look with my head between them

Maybe that was too much. His phone is next to him face down as he anxiously awaits your reply. When his phone vibrates he’s quick to grab it. 

yn [12:41am]; can i sit on your face?

Jimin has to take a deep breath. He reads your response over and over, his dick hard in his pants. It’s not the first time he’s pictured it. He would love nothing more than to watch you position yourself above his face before lowering down until he’s kissing at your clit, thighs cushioning the side of his head, his hands kneading at your arse. With your thighs so close to his face he could nip at them with his teeth until you yelp, sucking at the skin to soothe it. Every queen must have her throne, it just so happens that Jimin wants your throne to be his face.

Jimin [12:42am]; you really don't have to ask, my tongue is all yours

Your chest flutters. Damn, for someone with very little experience, Jimin seems to know what to say to get you going. You see if you can push it a little further.

yn [12:42am]; does that mean you’ll fuck me with it as well?

You know when you’ve sent it that it might be a bit much. Jimin is so innocent, it’s written all over his face, all over the way he blushes and stutters when you shamelessly flirt with him. He's the only one that doesn’t see how attracted you are to him, how much you try to get him to notice you. It seems you may have finally succeeded. 

Jimin [12:43am]; I’m the perfect student, if you wanna be tongue fucked then i guess that’s where my lessons start

Your jaw drops and your stomach heats. Jimin is very good at this and the fact that he’s never done it before turns you on all the more. You completely disregard your earlier worry of seeming too eager. 

yn [12:43am]; come round tomorrow? 6pm?

Jimin replies almost immediately to confirm that he’ll be there and you feel giddy with the excitement. Thoughts of him swirl around in your head as you drift off to sleep, and you can’t remember the last time you were this happy.

~~~~

Your name lights up his screen. His heart thumps against his chest for a few beats before returning to normal again.

yn [5:02pm]; so i was thinking since you’re the perfect student shouldn’t you come dressed as one?

This can’t be happening. He had been planning his outfit all day, had finally settled on the perfect one, only for you to say that. And you want him to dress up? His heart races at the idea. He needs the professionals for this.

“Guys, I’m all panic and no disco,” Jimin announces as he walks into the living room. Jeongguk is lounging on the sofa, Taehyung is banging around in the kitchen. The former groans.

“If you don’t stop saying that I’m going to stop helping you,” says Jeongguk. Taehyung pops his head around the door frame.

“What’s happened?” 

“She wants me to dress up.” Jeongguk’s eyes narrow.

“As what?” He questions. Jimin walks over to him and shows him his phone. He takes it from him, a slow smile spreading across his lips as his eyes dart around the screen.

“Damn, I’m jealous,” he chuckles. “She so fucking hot.” Jimin prickles at the tone in his voice but brushes it off quickly.

“Let me look,” Taehyung reaches out and plucks the phone from Jeongguk’s hands. Jimin doesn’t have it in him to be embarrassed about his friends reading his poor attempt at sexting, they have seen much worse over the years. 

“Well done on the sexting mate, couldn’t have done better myself,” Taehyung beams, giving Jimin a high five. He smiles back, pride swelling in his chest. He knows Taehyung is exaggerating, but he’s happy to take the boost in confidence. Jeongguk stands up, throws one arm over Jimin’s shoulders and begins leading him to his room. 

“Let’s get you ready,” says Jeongguk, Taehyung following close behind. 

Jimin stands before them in a white shirt, a black tie, black dress pants that seem to be a little tight around the thighs, and black converse. Jeongguk and Taehyung nod in approval.

“Are you not going to tuck your shirt in?” Jeongguk pipes up causing Jimin to look down at himself. 

“No, I think it looks good like this,” he shrugs. Jeongguk rolls his eyes.

“But if your shirt is tucked in she might just pull you against her using your belt loops, she seems like the type to enjoy that,” he states and Taehyung nods in agreement. Jimin doesn’t need to be told twice. 

He arrives at your place just a little after six, readjusting his tie as he waits for you to answer. The door swings open and there you stand. Your eyes travel slowly down his body and back up to his face, taking in every inch of him, a devilish smile dancing across your lips. 

“I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” you say in astonishment, stepping aside for Jimin to walk in. You’re wearing barely anything and he can feel his blood slowly redirect itself south. It should be illegal for you to look like that. You shut the door and lean back against it, Jimin’s eyes immediately travelling down to where your nipples show through your shirt, then even further still to the tiniest pair of shorts he’s ever seen. His mouth waters at the sight of you.

“I think I want to go over what you learnt last time,” you say, barely able to keep the smile off your face. Jimin moves forward, hands finding your hips easily. He lets his eyes linger on your breasts, tongue darting out to wet his lips, before bringing them up to your eyes. He leans in to you and you think he’s going to press his plush lips against yours, but he doesn’t. Instead he dips his head and brushes his lips against your neck, a barely there touch that sets your skin alight. He presses a soft kiss into your skin, then another slightly higher up until his teeth graze your earlobe. You sigh, his lips brushing against your cheek as he pulls back to look at you. He brings one hand up, pushing your hair behind your ear and letting his hand rest on the side of your face, thumb brushing your cheek.

“The anticipation is just as important as the kiss,” whispers Jimin, making butterflies erupt in your stomach. He smiles, crooked teeth showing through his parted lips and your insides melt at how good he looks. Finally he brings his lips to your own. His lips are just as kissable as they look and for someone who started his kissing career three days ago, he knows how to use them, the talent coming naturally to him. The heat of his tongue presses against your lips and now you're the eager one, parting your lips without hesitation to allow his tongue to push deeper into your mouth. His hand squeezes your hip as the kiss gets a little more intense, your teeth bumping slightly as he becomes accustomed to the rushed kisses. 

Jimin is trying his best to keep up, to not overthink everything, but your teeth just clashed mainly because he was trying to get as close to you as possible and it seems like his hands only know two positions, too scared to venture anywhere else even though he is desperate to brush his thumb against your nipple. He wants to kiss you forever. And then he feels it. Your hands have been tracking a steady path down his torso, brushing over his belt, your fingers finding the loops of his trousers. You hook your fingers into them, pulling Jimin’s hips firmly into yours. His hand goes to your arse, tentatively squeezing the flesh making you push your hips against him even harder, giving him some extra room.

“Shit,” he whispers against your lips, resuming the kiss with vigour. 

He’s getting carried away, too absorbed in the feel of your mouth against his own to worry about whether he’s doing something right or if he looks good enough for you. Now he wants to do any and everything you will let him, all the things he’s spent months fantasising about, perfectionism be damned. He bends down slightly, bringing both hands to the back of your thighs, lips never once disconnecting from your own. You catch on a second before he lifts you. He pushes you back against the door with slightly more force than he meant to but you love his show of strength, your mind immediately wandering to all the ways you could teach him to use it. Hooking your ankles together you bring him even closer and he grinds himself against you, groaning at the friction. He pulls back, resting his forehead against yours, letting himself get lost in the feel of your body on his. He’s thrusting slowly, dragging out every sweet second that he can feel himself between your legs, face scrunched and eyes closed in pleasure.

“Shall we go to my room?” You ask, more breathless than you realised. Jimin chuckles shyly, finally opening his eyes to meet your own.

“I don’t have it in me to remember where that is.”

“You should probably put me down then,” you grin cheekily at him. He smiles beautifully, eyes crinkling as his whole face lights up, his happiness shining through clearly.

“I don’t really want to, I’ve only just got you here.” He punctuates his sentence with a thrust, his gravelly voice heating you up from the inside. Imagine what he sounds like after he’s just woken up, sleepy and adorable. He lets you down gently, stepping back slowly as if being so far away from you is painful for him, a cheeky smile never leaving his face.

“Lead the way,” he gestures with his arm, gazing at your body as you walk past him. 

When you reach your room the door has barely shut before Jimin wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you back into him, chest solid behind your back. He nuzzles your hair then brushes his lips against your shoulder. “So what are we doing today, miss?” He questions. You smile at this, head falling back onto his shoulder. You grab his wrist, slowly trailing it down your stomach.

“I was thinking we start with fingering, something nice and simple.” You continue guiding his hand until he touches your waistband, pushing against your stomach slightly so his fingers dip under. He tenses. When you turn to face him, the self-assured attitude has all but disappeared from his face. Instead it’s replaced with wide-eyed shock and you can see the fear in his eyes. You smile warmly, trying to settle his nerves. “It’s okay,” you reassure, “we’re going to take it slow.” He nods at you. The pep talk Jeongguk and Taehyung had given him before he left had carried him so far, but now he’s faced with the prospect of actually touching you. His eyes follow your body as you make your way towards the bed while he stands stock still, nerves starting to get the better of him. 

You grab your waistband, making a show of taking your shorts off, bending over and giving him the best view of his life.

“Shit,” he whispers before he can stop himself. Next you discard your t-shirt and he’s never been more attracted to someones back than he is right now. His jaw is on the floor as he admires every curve and dip he can see, watches so intently as you crawl slowly up the bed. Please, he thinks, please fucking turn around. As if he’d spoken out loud you settle yourself against the headboard. You are glorious. You lay there like you know how good you look, letting Jimin drink in the sight of you for as long as he wants. You bask in his gaze, can feel it warm you all the way through, enjoying the way he appreciates you.

Jimin is so desperate to be on you, to be in you, but it’s like his feet are glued to the floor and all he can do is stand there and watch. You bend your knees so your feet are flat on the bed, parting them slowly, running your hands against the inside of your thighs. Your finger brushes against yourself and you let out a sigh. All of a sudden Jimin is kicking off his shoes and joining you on the bed, kneeling between your legs. He can’t decide where to look, his eyes constantly wandering over your body. 

“Where should I start?” He asks, looking up at your smirking face.

“Wherever you want to,” comes your reply. You’ve barely finished speaking before his head is dipping down, placing open-mouthed kisses just above your breast. His hand cups your other breast, thumb brushing over your nipple that sends flutters straight to your core. You’re not the biggest fan of having your nipples played with, but the way he’s paying such careful attention to them has you making an exception. It’s not long before he’s closing his mouth around your nipple. At first he seems hesitant, but then he’s flicking his tongue over it, getting faster and faster and you push your chest further into his mouth, a small whine slipping out. He pulls back shocked. 

“You’re going to be so good at eating pussy,” you breathe. 

He cannot believe he just got you to make that noise but he wants more. His chest swells with pride and a little bit of confidence at the idea that maybe he won’t be totally terrible at this. He sits back on his knees, staring at the spot between your thighs. 

“Tell me what to do,” he demands. 

“You need to take my panties off first.” Jimin wastes no time in dragging them off your legs, throwing them behind him. He places his hands on the inside of each thigh and pushes your legs down into the mattress, making sure you keep your legs spread. Your heart speeds up as you watch him.

“Well you’re not shy anymore are you?” You ask breathlessly. He barely reacts to your words, so consumed with the sight in front of him. His thumbs brush against your lips and you have to try your hardest not to buck up into his touch. He spreads you apart, eyes drinking in everything.

“I’m sorry,” he apologises, “I’ve never seen one in real life and yours is so fucking pretty.” Your pussy clenches at his words and he looks up at your face, eyes wide, mouth slightly open. His gaze is quick to return.

“Do that again.”

“Make me.” The corner of his mouth lifts into a smirk, his eyes flicking to yours and back again. He leans down slightly and spits at your pussy. “Fuck,” you breathe, and you feel yourself clench once again.

“I wasn’t even trying then,” he chuckles, smugness written all over his face. “Touch yourself, show me what to do.” You comply readily, rubbing your finger lightly up and down your clit, using his saliva as lube.

Jimin can feel his mouth watering at the sight and he’s so hard it aches. Your fingers move slowly against yourself, his hands still holding your legs apart. 

“I like starting with light touches,” you sigh, eyes falling shut at the feeling. But you’re not satisfied - it’s not enough when you know Jimin is sitting right there, ready and eager to do whatever you ask. 

“Jimin,” you whine, his dick twitches in response, his eyes threatening to roll back at the way his name sounds coming from your mouth. “I want your fingers.” 

“What do I do?” He asks, so eager to have his fingers inside you. You sit up slightly and take his wrist. He’s confused for a moment but then your mouth closes around the base of his finger. You drag it out of your mouth, coating it with spit, then guide it to your entrance. Jimin is completely entranced, absorbed in everything you’re doing. All of his previous nerves seem like a distant memory, all he wants to do is sink his fingers in you and keep them there, fucking you open until you’re begging him to stop. His finger slides in easily and you moan at the stretch. He’s in awe of how warm you are, how your walls hug his finger so tight and he immediately thinks of what it’s going to be like when his fingers are replaced with his dick. But it’s also an odd sensation, a lot squishier than he expected. 

“Pump in and out slowly,” you breathe, falling back against the bed. He watches your tits bounce as you land against he mattress, his other hand coming up to palm himself over his trousers. He does as you told him, keeping a steady pace, and he’s starting to realise that fingering you is addictive. He can’t picture himself ever wanting to stop, ever wanting to not watch his fingers disappear into you and come back out, glistening with your wetness. 

“Can I put another finger in?” He asks, and you nod vigorously. He replicates what you did to his finger, putting both into his mouth. You watch as his eyes roll back and his nostrils flare, your taste coating his tongue. You taste sweet, a little salty and entirely incredible.

“You’re a goddess and your pussy tastes like ambrosia, fucking delicious,” he groans, pushing two fingers into you. He starts with the same steady pace as you told him before, but you shake your head. 

“Faster,” you instruct and he does just that. He can’t stop watching your face, your eyebrows drawing together in pleasure. His chest continues to swell with pride, gaining confidence in his abilities to make you feel good. I’m fucking good at this, he thinks. You reach down and grab his wrist, holding his hand still inside you. His heart sinks, I’m fucking shit at this.

“Curl your fingers,” you instruct and he follows your orders automatically. A gasp leaves your throat as he does. “The squishy thing that your fingers are touching? Press against it, like this,” you demonstrate with your own hand the motion he should use. He does as you instruct, maintaining a steady pace. “Faster and harder,” you whine. He obliges, going harder than he felt he should, but in seconds your back is arching and moan after moan is falling from your mouth. Your hand rubs at your clit and the sight spurs him on, going as fast as he can despite the feeling that his arm is going to fall off. Your hands grasp at the sheet below you, your cries getting louder.

“Jimin, oh god,” you groan, mouth open and eyes squeezed shut. The sight of you, hair fanned out against the pillow, skin so smooth and your thighs shaking slightly is a picture he wants burned into his retinas so he can never forget it. If he was to go blind right now he would be happy knowing that the last thing to bless his eyes was you. He slows down to a steady in and out rhythm to let his arm rest. 

“Your pussy is amazing, so pretty and pink, I just keep picturing my cock sliding in and out.” He barely has any control over the words coming from his mouth, all he knows is that everything he thinks he desperately wants to say to you, wants you to know how pretty he thinks you are, how much he appreciates you and wants you - all of you. 

“I think I’m in love with your pussy,” he mumbles, eyes transfixed. His hand moves quicker and quicker, watching the way your tits bounce when he thrusts his fingers into you. Fuck, you look amazing. He alternates between thrusting his fingers into you and curling them in the way you instructed, experimenting with pressure and speed, rubbing instead of pushing, using your encouragement and instructions as a guide.

Your fingers continue to rub against your clit and he finds it hard to settle his eyes on one part of you, wanting to be able to see everything at once. You’re a moaning mess on the sheets, hips bucking and twitching with pleasure. 

“Do the thing,” you say, barely coherent, not able to properly describe what you want him to do. He’s confused for a second before he understands. He starts pressing his fingers against the spot he’s coming to realise is your favourite place to be touched.

“Yes, yes, please don’t stop, I'm so close,” you gasp out. Your encouragement spurs him on, the moans of his name making his arousal skyrocket. He didn’t think it was possible to be this hard. 

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, I-I’m gonna,” you trail off, head pushing back into the mattress, mouth open, eyebrows drawn in. Jimin’s mind is devoid of any thought other than I’m gonna make her come. 

A few more seconds of Jimin’s relentless abuse of your g-spot and you’re falling forward into bliss. Your orgasm falls on you like a tidal wave, hips bucking erratically. It’s been too long since someone has made you feel this good. Your walls are spasming around Jimin’s fingers as you come, his fingers still thrusting in and out as you get so much wetter and your pussy opens up. He’s so tempted to slip another finger in, see if you can take it, but he’s too afraid you’d make him take them out. Maybe next time. You relax against the bed, slowly coming down from your wonderful high. Jimin’s fingers still haven’t stopped and it’s starting to feel very sensitive. You yelp when he brushes your g-spot again and he looks up at you, eyes wide and questioning.

“S-sensitive,” you manage, and he pulls his fingers out unhappily, bringing them up to his mouth once again. He hums around his fingers, cheeks hollowing as he sucks every last drop of you off. When there’s nothing left, he goes back for seconds, dragging his finger against your entrance to gather as much as he can. You watch the whole thing with heavy-lidded eyes and a small smirk. Watching Jimin hungry to taste you has you feeling ready to go again. 

Jimin braces his hands beside your head, his body flush against yours as leans down for a kiss. His tongue is immediately in your mouth and he’s kissing you with such passion that it takes your breath away. “You look so beautiful when you come,” he whispers huskily against your lips. Your face lights up at his compliment. You switch positions so he’s on his back with you straddling his waist, smiling down at him. 

“I don’t think it’s fair that I haven’t seen your body yet,” you pout, and Jimin breaks out into a wide smile.

“I’m all yours,” he says, gesturing to his clothed torso. His fingers stroke absently at your thighs as you loosen his tie until it comes undone, pulling it off and draping it over your neck. His bottom lip juts out as he performs an exaggerated frown. “What’s wrong?” You ask, amused.

“I can’t see your tits properly when you have that on,” he whines and you throw your head back in laughter.

“What happened to my shy Jimin? Where did he go?” He just beams up at you. You start slowly unbuttoning his shirt, working your way down until you can pull Jimin’s shirt open and marvel at him. Now it’s Jimin’s turn to feel scrutinised under your intense gaze. He’s toned but not overly muscly, skin smooth and golden. You lean forward and place light kisses across his pecks, working down the valley of his chest and to his stomach, shuffling backwards to straddle one of his thighs. Your hand fiddles with his belt buckle as you lick at the contours of his stomach. The sound of a zipper being pulled and Jimin’s rapid breathing are the only sounds in the room. 

“You don’t seem so cocky anymore,” you say tauntingly. He doesn’t reply, just watches as you grab his waistband and pull down, lifting his hips to make it easier. When you look back at his face you can see red painting his cheekbones and the tips of his ears, slowly spreading like ink down his face and neck. You smirk. Then it turns into a full blown grin.

“There’s my shy Jiminie.” Looking down you take in his size, the leaking tip, the vein running along the side, and the urge to take him in your mouth is almost overwhelming. But that’s for another day. 

Copying his earlier display, while maintaining eye contact, you spit forcefully into your hand and then place it around the base. Starting with slow strokes up and down his length, you realise how much you’d been looking forward to this part, how much you had been excited to have him underneath you experiencing something for the first time because of you. A look of shock is splashed across his face like he can’t believe this is happening, his eyes never leaving the path of your hand. You start to pick up the pace, hand squeezing harder, wrist flicking at just the right time to make his head push into the pillow, a heavenly, drawn-out moan falling from his perfect lips. 

“Do you not have anything to say, baby?” You pry innocently. His hand grips your thigh, almost painfully. 

“If you d-don’t… I’m gon-gonna,” he stutters, panting and moaning relentlessly. 

“Already?” Your tone is playful and your smirk is wicked. “Do you wanna come in my mouth?” “Nngh, fuck,” he rasps out and come begins to spurt out, hitting his stomach and running down your knuckles. Jimin’s shirt is splayed open, his hair ruffled, lips parted in ecstasy. His chest is still as his orgasm hits, and then it’s rising and falling rapidly, a long, deep groan rushing out of him.  Eventually he has enough strength to look at you, a sultry smile taking over your features. Already he’s so overstimulated and overwhelmed, so the sight of you bringing your hand to your lips and licking like you’d never tasted something so delicious and wanted to continue tasting it for as long as you live, has him moaning your name. You giggle coquettishly and Jimin’s stomach flip flops. To make matters worse he can see his come smeared against your bottom lip and chin, sees it drip onto your chest. “You’re so pretty with my come on you,” he compliments huskily. You climb off him silently, eye dropping into a wink as you turn around to get a damp flannel to clean up with. 

After you leave, the reality of everything crashes into Jimin like an asteroid. All the things he said to you, the things he did, come rushing in, painfully aware of the fact that he’s laid on your bed covered in his cold spunk with his flaccid dick out. He awkwardly maneuvers himself out of his shirt, trying not to spread his come around, and drapes it lightly over his crotch as he waits for you to come back. Another thing he forgot in his panic - you’re still completely naked. He can barely meet your eye as you hand him the cloth and he thanks you quietly. You stand there in front of him as he wipes at his stomach and he’s keely aware of the way you watch him.

“Do I make you nervous, Jimin?” You inquire, head tilted to one side. His cheeks flush. To give him some reprieve you turn around and let him clean up in peace, grabbing a large shirt from one of your drawers. By the time you join him on the bed his pants are pulled up but unbuckled and his shirt is clutched in his hands. You break the silence first. 

“That was amazing.” You can see the smile that pulls at his lips at your praise but it doesn’t fully reach his eyes. “Jimin, if you don’t want to do this, please tell me,” you say gently and he looks at you with an expression you can’t name. “I do want to do this, everything we just did was the best experience of my life,” he says sincerely, warmth enveloping you at his words. “Then what’s the matter? You can barely look at me.” 

He shifts uncomfortably. “I came so quick, it’s embarrassing,” he mumbles so low you almost miss it. You rush to reassure him.

“No it isn't! It’s your first handjob, it’s how it’s supposed to go,” you say, but he just laughs humourlessly, looking in the opposite direction to you. You didn’t realise Jimin was so insecure, so self-conscious about his inexperience. Reaching out, you trace your finger over his ear, moving to brush lightly at his cheek with your thumb. His shoulders relax.

“Look at me,” you implore, grateful that he obliges although it seems like he’s looking at a spot past your shoulder. 

“Your inexperience is nothing to be ashamed of,” you start but you’re promptly cut off.

“It is! That’s the problem, it’s embarrassing! I’m embarrassed!” He explodes, and your heart aches at the strain in his voice as he speaks. “I’m 23 years old and I only learnt how to kiss three days ago! And you’re the one I’m doing this with and I just want to impress you and make you feel good, to be good, but I come 20 seconds after you touch my dick! How am I supposed to fuck you if I can’t last 30 seconds when it’s your hands, how are you supposed to want me to fuck you when I’m such an embarrassment?” He’s panting and his eyes are wild, you can almost see the thoughts swirling behind them. You had been oblivious to Jimin’s feelings, expressions of shock and pity warring on your face as you digest his outburst. His eyes shine and his throat bobs like he’s holding back tears.

Without hesitation you climb up onto his lap and take his face in both of your hands, forcing him to look at you. 

“You have impressed me, and you have made me feel good. Plenty of people with more experience than you haven’t made me come-”

“But you had to tell me what to do!” He interjects, and you squeeze his face slightly to get him to listen.

“And you listened and did it well enough that I came! That’s what sex is, communicating what you like to the other person, listening and responding to them. It’s the people who don’t communicate, who don’t ask what their partners want and assume everyone is the same that are doing it wrong, not you.” At last he is looking at you, taking in everything that you’re saying like it’s gospel, never having had someone so passionate about making sure that he understands he isn’t all the things his mind tells him he is. Your hands drop from his face and rest against his chest. “I don’t care about your inexperience, in fact I find it incredibly hot, especially when I think about how my body is the only one you know. I will never expect you to do everything right the first go because that’s unrealistic for anyone, all I want is for you to enjoy it, to feel good, to not be embarrassed around me, ever, because I’m not judging you.” Your voice is getting quieter and quieter as you almost plead with him to believe what you’re saying. 

His heart is slamming against his ribs and he swears this is the moment. Right here. This is when he falls in love with you. You’re sitting on top of him talking so sincerely, so desperate to get him to believe what you believe and how you see him and he can feel your earnestness in every word. He’s stuck with an overwhelming need to wrap his arms around you, to nuzzle against you and let your words sink deeper until he believes them like you do, to let you comb through his hair with your fingers and stroke his back and laugh with him until your faces hurt. You tilt forward until your forehead is pressed against his.

“And I want you to fuck me so bad,” you chuckle and Jimin manages to dredge a smile up in return. 

“Thank you,” he whispers, kissing you softly and slowly. It’s a romantic kiss, sweet and tentative, something that makes your heart flutter unexpectedly. 

“Is this when I get my report card?” You laugh and climb off him. Jimin beams, relishing his ability to make you laugh and smile so often. 

“A-plus for fingering, top of the class,” you giggle, laying down next to him. He looks down at you, his heart swelling with feelings he is too scared to identify, instead basking in their warmth, the way it spreads through every fibre and cell in his body until he thinks you’ll be able to feel the heat too. Maybe you do. This is exactly what he expected, knew that it was going to happen but he’s completely caught off guard with how quickly it has happened. He’s knee deep in feelings and the tide is coming in, threatening to overwhelm him, yet there’s nowhere else he’d rather be. You babble on about something to do with your latest assignment and he’s reminded of how you were both friends before this, and the mundane conversation after what had transpired between the two of you leaves him grateful knowing you still are.

He’s so glad he didn’t say no. Even if he’ll be in pain later, at least he gets to enjoy you now.