#Ace always fit and made a lot of sense when aro does not‚ for me

[littleteacupdragon]

Guys please don't tell me I'm going to figure out that I'm aro, I got lucky with not going through the "I'm straight - bi - ace" sequence, i don't wanna admit that this exact thing happened to me with romantic attraction

[multi-fan-dom-madness]

Sorry, it took me a bit to get this request to you, and Tumblr is being Tumblr 😅.

Hello, love! For the first kiss ask:

How about Tal with an accidental first kiss ooooor taller gently grasping the shorter's chin. (The chin grasp kills me 😫).

Feel free to use one or both or switch it up! 🥰🥰

hiiii friend! I'm so sorry this took so long for me to get to; between realizing that my OC Tal is in fact aro/ace and does not feel like they'd fit the prompt, and just general life things, and also the muse being a fickle beast, things have been A Lot! but I'm finally happy with how this turned out, and I really enjoyed the chance to explore the softer side of another OC: Commander Creed! <3

Broken Rules

Summary: Creed decides the best path forward is to just be honest about his feelings.

Warnings: this is mostly just fluff but blog is still 18+; gn!reader

Word Count: 887

Creed has always been a man of action, of direct words, of clear intentions. He says what he means, and means what he says—even when everyone around him would rather waffle and oscillate and obfuscate. Even as a cadet, participating in the training simulations with the other young clones destined to become commanders, he earned a reputation for being rough, abrasive, blunt.

His Jedi commander calls him grumpy. He calls them naive. Without fail, they laugh with a mischievous smile—and that always gets you going, a tiny grin threatening to break over your face. 

As a nat-born handler assigned to his battalion, you’re one of very few personnel aboard the Messenger that Creed doesn’t fully understand how to act with. His Jedi colleagues at least make sense; they’re part of the war effort to minimize loss of life and to protect the Republic, same as he and his men are. His brothers, of course, he has no problem connecting with. Most of the other nat-born contractors stay out of his way, which is more than fine with him. 

But you? You baffle Creed, and the only thing more confusing to him is the way you make him feel. 

If he’s being blunt with himself, he knows it’s a crush. It’s the only thing these feelings can be—the anticipatory tightening in his chest when he hears your voice around the corner, the fluttering in his chest whenever you smile in his direction, the maddening urge to tilt your head up so you meet his gaze straight on. If he’s being honest, he knows that the way you act around him, shuffling your feet and glancing away from his gaze, probably means his feelings aren’t one-sided. But these are things the Kaminoans never trained the clones for, and instead of facing the situation head-on like he does everything else, Creed waffles. 

And he’s so karking tired of it. 

So he’s not entirely certain what he’s doing outside your personal quarters, but he’s knocking on the durasteel door before he can talk himself out of this. It’s late—at least, his body tells him it’s late; there’s no way to know for certain when they’re in hyperspace—but despite the hour, it’s only a moment before your door slides open. 

“C-Commander!” You immediately stand straighter, smoothing out your sleep clothes. “What can I help you with, sir?” 

Your name falls from his lips before he can process it. Your first name, not your title, or your last name, but a name that feels so unfamiliar and yet sounds so right coming from him. “I’m not here on business.” 

“Oh.” You blink at him. “Well, still. Is there something you needed?” 

“I—” Creed sighs, drawing a hand over his face. “May I come in? I’d like to speak with you.” 

He catches the momentary flare of panic that crosses your features, but you step aside regardless. The door slides shut behind him. Your quarters are sparsely furnished; it makes his heart feel funny, that you haven’t made this space your own yet, despite being attached to the 387th for months now. 

“No decorations?” he asks. 

“Um.” You sound taken aback. “It’s...against GAR regulations to—”

“Right,” he says, waving his hand. Maker, could he be any worse at this? “My ARCs would tell you regulations are in place to be broken.” 

“Are you...giving me permission to break the rules, Commander?”

“Creed.”

“What?” 

“Call me Creed,” he says, finally lifting his gaze to yours. “Please.” 

His eyes flicker down to your lips as they part in surprise. Stars, you really are a sight, and he wonders why he hasn’t taken the time to fully appreciate the view until now. Heart pounding in his chest, he wipes his palms on the fabric of his blacks. 

“The answer is ‘yes’,” he says. When your brow furrows in confusion, he continues, “About breaking regulations. Because I’m about to break several.” 

“What’s going on?” 

Idly scratching at his ear, a nervous habit he picked up as a cadet, Creed sighs. “I like you.” 

He winces internally at the brusque timbre of his words, but understanding dawns over your face like the sun’s first rays. Swallowing harshly, Creed forces himself to stop fidgeting.

“May as well throw out all the handbooks,” you say after a moment. “Can I break a few more?”

“Please.” 

You close the distance until you’re in his personal space. Peering up at him from beneath your eyelashes, you reach with tentative hands to brush your fingertips over the swell of his cheeks. Creed nearly leans into your touch. Instead, he does what he’s been wanting to for weeks, and he tucks one finger under your chin to tilt your head up as he leans down. 

Your lips are soft and warm against his own. He exhales a shaky breath as your hands slide around his neck, anchoring him to you; this is so far beyond uncharted territory that Creed can’t help but simply marvel at the rhythm you set. Mouths moving slow and in sync, you tilt his head, deepening the kiss. 

When you pull back, he finds you already gazing when he opens his eyes.

“Never woulda thought our big scary commander would break so many rules,” you say with a soft, teasing smile. 

Creed hums. “I won’t tell if you won’t.” 

“Deal.”

Ragu: @dystopicjumpsuit @clonemedickix @littlemissmanga @wolffegirlsunite @anxiouspineapple99 @wings-and-beskar @sinfulsalutations @523rdrebel @sunshinesdaydream @moonlightwarriorqueen @sev-on-kamino @starrylothcat @deejadabbles @starqueensthings @mandos-mind-trick @idontgetanysleep @eyeluvmusic21 @wizardofrozz @mythical-illustrator @sleepycreativewriter @bobaprint @dickarchivist @a-single-tulip @thorsterstrudle @droids-you-are-looking-for @goblininawig @cw80831 @mssbridgerton @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @9902sgirl @dreamie411 @jedi-hawkins

[kenapiece-main]

Your partners will always objectively deserve better than anything you can ever be.

Oh nooooo you completely shattered my sense of pride and self love oooooohhh what paiiiin what sufferiiiiiing oh noooo- wait hold on my partner of over 2 years is on the phone. hey, hi @lakesandquarries ! what, you got smt to say to that rude little anon and my fellow aro ppl? oh yeah go ahead!

-

Hello there! I’m the ace partner mentioned in this comic from my bf, and you should shut the fuck up!

I have a lot of trauma surrounding relationships. I’ve had some pretty bad ones, including an ex who broke up with me less than six months after proposing. When Joël first realized he was aro, I remember him crying because he was so scared of hurting me like my ex did. The thing is, him being aro has only ever made me feel more secure in our relationship!

Do you ever see those straight couples who say they’re in love but don’t even seem to like each other? They have romantic attraction, sure. But personally, that’s the least important thing to me.

My ex was romantically attracted to me. They left anyway. Joël isn’t, but every single day, he chooses to be with me. He chooses to care for me, to love me in his way, and that is so much more meaningful. He’s the best partner I could ask for. I don’t “deserve better” because “better” doesn’t exist. Joël is perfect exactly as he is.

To any aros in relationships worried about this: your love is enough. The way you care is good and beautiful, and you don’t need to change who you are to fit society’s expectation. I love Joël not in spite of his aromanticism but because of it, because it’s part of what makes him the caring, wonderful person that he is. His love may not be romantic, but what does that matter? He’s still the one to hold me when I’m having a panic attack, to comfort me after a bad day, to care for me in so many ways that I can’t even mention them all. There is no better for me to deserve. His love is enough.

You, however, deserve to shut the fuck up and leave aro people alone forever. 💜

-

Wow, what an amazing person they are, huh ;v; <3 (god dammit I care abt them so much), thanks Cora! Let's keep being proud fellow aros, and let this message from my partner give you reassurance AND comfort in case you currently are or want to be in a relationship of any kind!!!!

[judasgodness]

Aro week

I'm going to talk a lot about loneliness here because it's my experience as an aromantic having, amazingly, my own life and psychological and social problems to deal with.

Before discovering myself aroace, I always thought about how good this sexuality should be, because someone who doesn't feel romantic or sexual attraction is someone who was born completely armored. Someone who had no chance of getting a broken heart must have been born very lucky. God really does have his favorites.

I already knew it wasn't quite like that, but I found (and still do) that illusion amusing.

However, as I got to know this sexuality more, I identified myself and became even more familiar with it, but I denied it because it was impossible for me to have been "born armored", after all I am afraid of spending the rest of my life alone, despite since then this is an idea that I've made peace with.

But I'm not the only aroace who feels that way, right? Someone who has emotions and is lonely (in the romantic sense or who feels that they are not the priority in someone's life) feels the loneliness solidifying as time goes by.

And I'm certainly not the only one who has "forced" himself to like someone or just stuck with a certain person because he didn't know and didn't want to deal with his own frustrations alone.

Although the idea of ​​being lonely is something I've come to terms with, when I find myself thinking about the future I imagine two situations: one where someone is interested in me romantically, it's not reciprocated and we move away. It's an imagination of my desire to be desired mixed with the only realistic end I can think of. And in the other I imagine myself living in a place close to the beach, with children and having the same closeness that I have today with my family and friends, and in this imagined future I realize that I am genuinely happy, even in the only way I know how to live: more distant and lonely.

So that's how I realized that I still want to have a family, living close to my favorite place. And there's no one like my life partner in this dream simply because I don't imagine that person could exist. Even if it makes me a little sad to think that I'll never be someone's priority, it's still a comfortable dream, it's still something I wish I had just because, put it that way, it feels like there's something missing.

But if something or someone comes along, it's welcome.

However, despite all this loneliness that I feel is something very real, it's not the only thing.

Imagine that you are assembling a puzzle little by little, but the last piece is lost somewhere and when you finally find it, you think you were in the most obvious place in the world and rush to fit it in its rightful place.

This is exactly how I feel every time I find something about myself. The path to discovering yourself aro(ace) is certainly a journey and, depending on the person, the fear of loneliness will be something that will haunt you for a long time, but still the feeling of "fuck it all makes sense" is there, mainly because with that understanding comes the realization that there's nothing wrong with you just because you didn't have any interest in a romantic relationship in high school, or curiosity (enough) to want to try dating and casual sex even though you're already 19 years old.

And sometimes I can feel attracted to someone to the point of imagining a lifetime with that person, but that (at least so far) doesn't mean that I have real interest in living all those things with that person. Sometimes I just want to imagine how I imagine any other story anyway. Because it's cool, because that person aroused this interest in me and it's something comfortable. Or sometimes because I really had a crush on the person.

But the saddest (and most revolting) thing (because everything I've said so far is my own thing) is when I feel the questions and judgments coming out of people's pores who think I'm weird because I don't have anyone I like.

"Ah but surely you already liked someone", already, nothing happened and nothing changed.

"But is there anyone who likes you?" If there is, I don't know, but it's probably going to be someone I don't want.

You know, asking me if someone likes me or if I'm interested in someone or if I'm seeing someone just makes me unhappy, because it reminds me that, in this world, I'm basically alone and even rejected, which makes me feel feel weird, pissed off and depressed.

Weird because "what do you mean I don't have anyone?"

Pissed because "fuck I have no peace in this shit".

Depressed because "nobody wants me (if someone shows up wanting me I don't. Let me wallow in my drama in peace)".

[poetandwolf]

Which labels do you use? Trans, Ace/Aro, Pan, Fictoromantic.

Do you like to use the term queer for yourself? Or just LGBT, etc?Queer because my mouth is too small and my tongue is too big and I have a chiari malformation so some words are hard to say and rolling out the LGBT+ out makes me mumble and stumble over my words, and I have been made fun of for it by my own community so I just say “queer”.

Which pronouns do you use? he/him or ‘they/them (for system reasons)

Are you "out" to your family and friends? Yes.. my family knows for the most part. My dad doesn’t really ‘get’ the ficto thing I don’t think but my brother and mother are smart enough to piece together Aubrey = Alhazad.

Are you "out" publicly? Uh, stealth usually on the trans thing. People at work think I’m gay/in a same sex relationship- which is kind of true.

(If you're out) do you wish you came out sooner? Later? Or was it the right time? Yes. I wish I said something to my dad when I was 16, it may have made it easier for him to accept why I was the way I was. But I don’t regret growing up as a ‘woman’ from 16-26 because I learned a lot. It’s the journey, not the destination. I wish I knew I could be ficto and that it was okay and stood up for myself instead of being afraid of the backlash and people forcing me into things or ignoring me and over stepping my boundaries.

Are you the "token" Yeah..

Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender: Kurt Cobain and Van Gough’s love child with Yog Sothoth.

When did you realize you weren't cishet? When did you realize you *were* cishet? I was always the way I was. I didn’t figure it out, I just knew I was different from everyone else around me.

Something that gives you gender euphoria (whether you're cis or trans): My goatee, or when ever someone calls me sir ;A; <3.

Favorite (or just one you love) piece of LGBT media? I don’t think I really have one..?

Name some queer artists/bands or songs you like most: I don’t really have any, maybe besides Garbage but I wouldn’t call them a favorite band.. Nirvana and the Foo Fighters could be because what they had was def kind Bi energy.

Do you choose to reclaim slurs, why or why not? I will use the F-word but weird kind of hyperbole.. “Gay” as an insult like in fun like *claw spin*. At work it kind of gets hilarious like someone will be popping off about someone else and call them the F word, then look at me “no disrespect” and I’m like “none taken.” I mean it’s probably problematic but dude, there’s this butchy lesbian who drops the F word on everyone.

How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity? Uuuh yeah, like. I dunno.. Probably. It’s hard to explain because I have a hard time relating to transmen irl who aren’t on the spectrum.

How has your identity changed over time? Hmm.. first I thought I was bi because I loved my best friend and liked boobs but then I also loved Aubrey/Alhazad... and then it was weird because I never liked anyone like I loved Aub. I was constantly stresses about being trans as I got older and buried it due to trauma. But if that shit never happened things may have been different. I think it was like Bi>Pan>Ace/Aro>Ficto then Gender fluid>Trans-male>Transmasculine?Gender fluid...? Being on different hormones for this fiborid has made me give less and less fucks about my gender outside of work/around the kids (we don’t want to confuse them and they don’t need to know what I was ‘born as’)

Do you attend Pride in person every year? No.. I hate crowds and I am not a fan of the flare and ... loud of it all. I know it’s very important to people but I can’t take all that energy and exaggeration of personalities (like I don’t like drag, either. I mean it’s cool of people do but I can not take the loudness of personalities my autistic brain melts down and I just want somewhere quiet. Can we have a Pride fest where we hike the PCT and little talking???)

Have you ever attended Pride in a big city/ large metro area? Fuck no I would die.

How old were you when you got to attend your first Pride? Who did you go with? N/A.

Do you feel safe and accepted in your local community?Yes, for the most part no one gives a shit. The super market who watches me transition and various other places and the pizza shop that knew me when I was 19 and on wards just.. don’t even question it and it’s very much “Oh, huh. Well that makes sense.”

Do you feel like you "fit in" with the queer/Pride community overall? No... I feel like I don’t fit in at all and I’m not whatever level of fabulous that they want me to be...

What message would you give to your younger self? You’ll be happier as man, That bitch is a lying piece of shit and Aubrey LOVES YOU no matter what the fuck you are. Now beat the dog shit out of that bitch while you’re under 18.

How do you usually celebrate Pride month? I make a mental note draw my ocs with their flags then I forget to do it. But usually at work we hang up pride related things and such. I don’t really do anything but I do make a toast on the 28th for those who fought for our rights.

Do you prefer loud parties or quiet? I don’t do parties.

Do you practice any religion, if so how does it play into your LGBT identity? Do you feel welcomed by your spiritual community? I struggled a lot when I was a child because I did want to believe in ‘God’ and like my own version of it- but I thought what I felt and how I felt about girls was ‘wrong’. It’s.. weird. It sucked. But I stopped believing in all of that when I was 15-- for god. And I had happen realize that I did like my best friend, but also Alhazad the same year. Al was just so much deeper. I don’t really practice any religion anymore outside of some Buddhist things but nothing really serious. If there is a higher power it is so far above what we can comperhend and I don’t think it gives a shit about who we love as long as we’re happy because gender is a human construct.

What queer discourse frustrates you the most? I don’t care anymore. As long as I can shoot T in my ass and ruin the men’s room at a Costco when I get IBS from being around crowds I don’t care. Leave me alone and get off my lawn.

How do you feel about the term partner rather than husband/girlfriend/etc? We should normalize the term partner in all relationships. Period. cishet or other wise.

What gender-neutral terms for yourself or others do you use (i.e. joyfriend)? lmao what? Alhazad/Aubrey ID’s as a man and has huge BDE and while his Japanese pronoun isn’t really gendered he prefers male ones so I call him either my husband or my partner. He will call me his ‘wife’ or ‘his love’ or ‘my husband’ it all depends on the context and what personality is out and where we are at the time.

Do you experience both romantic and sexual attraction? No, my romantic attraction is only for one person and one person only and that falls under ficto with Alhazad. Now sexual attraction? I have to have some kind of connection with the person to sleep with them, it’s a very ace-spec thing. But before T I didn’t have any sexual attraction at all. So honestly I don’t know. I had to quit T while I’m on lupron and other hormones for my hysto and my sex drive is a dead cat fish in a bucket right now. Do you experience them the same across any gender(s) you are attracted to? I never had sex with anyone with a penis so I am kind of wondering what that feels like after I have my hysto. Am I answering this right?

Are you currently partnered, or if not are you interested in having partner(s)? Yes *points to Aub*.

Are you monogamous or polyamorous? Monogamous as far as romantic love. I.. guess rn I have one FWB when there was a time I had about 3 but it wasn’t anything deep about it. Sex for me was like.. when you have an itch and then it gets scratched and you’re good for a few weeks.

Post a pic in your pride gear (or it can just be a selfie or anything else lgbt): Alls I have is the Magic Gay sticker plastered all over my work shit.

Do you do arts and crafts? yes, I draw and make things Post a pic of a project you've done: https://www.deviantart.com/ifoundawayout find stuff there

What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/ want to recognize/celebrate? the fact I am a thriving trans dude and I am very happy with my ficto/spirit husband :)

What are you needing most right now (what would make your life easier or more fulfilling in regards to existing as queer)? A promise I can continue to have my HRT and use the bathrooms I need to use, because it would be so fucking awkward if I was forced to detransition with out my fucking ovaries that are being taken out in July. I don’t have the mental horsepower to change my name and do that shit all over again like please don’t make me do that I don’t want to and it’s going to be a huge headache for everyone involved...

Anything else you want to ask during Pride: .... I dunno I kind of wish I could go to a Pride event with my husband (likely high or on a tranq to find stuff we could do and maybe support local GLBT artists?? I can’t think of anything. OH I know! How come they haven’t made a huge farting unicorn that farts glitter!! HR said if I could find one they’d buy it as part of our Pride Month decor.

[northernscruffycat]

ALL THE HADES OCS

OH HERE WE GOOOO~ (gonna put most of this under a cut, because it'll get long) Momus: Sexuality HC: Gay. He thinks he's bi at this point in the RP, but he is gay.

Favorite ship(s): Momus/Heracles, obvs, but I also like Momus/Morpheus and the awful Momus/Theseus stuff as well

Brotp: Momus, Hypnos & Icarus

Notp: Uhhh... Momus/Asterius?

Happy HC: Momus thrives in the modern era and has basically been waiting his whole existence to live in this time period so he can drive everyone mad by becoming a memelord. I also love describing his awful outfits too much.

Angsty HC: Nyx never acknowledges him and this hurts him more than he admits.

Random HC: If he existed in the actual game, he'd be a character who screws over the player late into a run (probably only spawning from Elysium onwards). He takes any perks you've gotten from gods and makes it so instead of doing plus the base damage, it does minus the base damage (although obvs caps before ur doing no damage at all). Because I'd want players to reeeally hate him. Like "I was doing so well, but then I ran into Momus and he ruined it!" Seems fitting for the God of Mockery.

General opinion: I am highkey obsessed with Momus in a way that I've never been this invested in one of my own OCs before. How dare he do this to me. OKAY, EVERYONE ELSE UNDER THE CUT:

Heracles: Sexuality HC: Bi, also a furry

Favorite ship(s): Momus/Heracles again, though I love how soft he is for Morpheus in the recent RPs

Brotp: I feel like him and Icarus could be this once they know each other better

Notp: I mean, there's a lotta ppl who deserve better than this guy

Happy HC: Like, you've already set him on this path of awesome character development to the point that I actually want good things for him for the first time. I hope that the clown parade have an excellent world tour together and that he can start to trust himself again.

Angsty HC: His canon is angsty enough

Random HC: He has a preference for twinks, whether he wants to admit it or not.

General opinion: I can't believe you've made me stan Heracles now. He's shot up my fave characters roster. The banter that him and Momus has is top tier, but then the genuinely emotional moments between them hit just as hard. You can actually see how much they've been through together and how, now they've got their feelings out in the open, they genuinely love each other and want this to work. UGHHH I LOVE THEM Pasithea: Sexuality HC: I mean, she's your OC, but I assume she's bi

Favorite ship(s): Pasithea/Oizys

Brotp: Pasithea & Zagreus

Notp: None really? Even after everything, I don't really dislike Pasithea/Momus, although it's best they both realised that wouldn't have worked out

Happy HC: She becomes queen and everyone respect her like they should!

Angsty HC: Her whole situation with Thanatos and that she didn't get the closure she deserved.

Random HC: She do be liking them goths tho

General opinion: I love Pasi! I think she's just as much the main character as Momus is at this stage and I'm glad that her whole arc showed her giving the middle finger to everyone who oppressed her and coming out on top. Morpheus: Sexuality HC: I honestly don't know :0

Favorite ship(s): Momus/all of his simps (Icarus, Momus & Heracles)

Brotp: They only had that one short scene, but I like Morpheus & Pluteus

Notp: None yet

Happy HC: He gets to travel the world and everyone simps him like he deserves

Angsty HC: There has been enough angst in this man's life. The time for angst is over.

Random HC: He is an unsuitable replacement for owning a thesaurus and should not be used in such a way.

General opinion: Another top favourite! I love the directions you've gone in with him, the whole "he's a doll come to life so Pasithea and Hypnos could cheat the Fates and not have kids" angle is brilliant and he's definitely a character who I'm always keen to see what will happen to him next. Icarus: Sexuality HC: bisexual and sweaty

Favorite ship(s): Icarus/Morpheus and Icarus/Momus so far

Brotp: Icarus, Momus & Hypnos, also potentially Icarus & Heracles

Notp: Icarus/Zagreus LMAOOO

Happy HC: He might not be an inventor, but he eventually finds his true calling in being a technician and becomes incredibly successful with his skills for improving upon inventions that have already been made.

Angsty HC: He's fuckin icarus. everyone knows that story lol

Random HC: His whole existence is one big joke that Momus will never stop laughing at.

General opinion: He's still finding his feet as a character, but I have high hopes for Icarus and think we'll get a lot of mileage out of him. Oizys: Sexuality HC: Obstinately gay

Favorite ship(s): Oizys/Pasithea

Brotp: I mean, she had a good friendship with Pluteus before the timeskip, so hopefully she still does

Notp: Oizys/Pluteus as a romo ship

Happy HC: God I hope she can be happy someday.

Angsty HC: She's not as co-dependent as she claims to be and played up needing Momus's help when they were growing up so that he wouldn't leave her.

Random HC: Oizys gets a slight kick out of the concepts she's goddess of, but doesn't realise when they overwhelm her.

General opinion: It's complicated, but I want to hope she figures it all out. Pluteus: Sexuality HC: Ace/Aro

Favorite ship(s): Maybe they'll figure it out with Aphrodite again one day

Brotp: Pluteus & Oizys, also Pluteus & Pasithea is funny

Notp: Pluteus & depression

Happy HC: Pluteus is happy to be a terrible actor who believes that they're a great actor.

Angsty HC: I feel like there's a sense of not being fulfilled inside Pluteus, but they don't want to address it.

Random HC: Pluteus will always refer to Pasithea as their mother, whether she likes it or not. Sorry Pasi.

General opinion: I like Pluteus as the occasional support character and they're excellent for comic relief, but they're one character who I don't think needs to be part of a bigger story. ...Okay, so there's also Daedalus, Nemesis, Eris and a few others, but I think that I've covered most of the ones who've had a lot of focus for now? Let me know if I missed anyone :0

[gffa]

Hi!  I went through a similar phase as several of you--I never really connected the dots between my own aro/ace qualities and my gravitating towards the Jedi culture until someone else pointed it out and then everything just sort of clicked together in my head in a way that made so much sense. And I think it can be really useful to view the Jedi through this lens of aro/ace culture, not because people are obligated to agree to this interpretation (they absolutely are not obligated to do so!) but because it provides a framework of reference for why not being drawn to romance and/or sex is not a foundational flaw in characters.  That there might even be an entire group of people who find that to be really satisfying and fulfilling--I mean, look at how many people gravitated to this discussion (or were already here) in just one day on one person’s blog on one social media platform.  It’s not hard at all for me to think, yeah, I’m looking at us building aro/ace culture of our own, it’d be easy for an in-universe group of people to do the same, and the lack of romance and/or sex wouldn’t be them suppressing their feelings or lacking something fundamental about the human condition, either. That’s part of why the Jedi mean a lot to me--there are other things as well, I greatly value their “face the shit within yourself, acknowledge that shit, and then let that shit go, because holding onto it is poison that will hurt you”, as someone who came to the same conclusions long before I was ever a Star Wars fan.  I love the worldbuilding, I love the psychic space wizards aspects, I love how goddamned extra they are about everything, etc. But a culture that not only doesn’t prioritize romance/sex, but actively values other things and finds meaning in those things?  That we see they have friendships and connections all over the place, that they find joy and meaning in teaching their students (and learning from their students, just as much as they teach them), that they find joy in helping others and protecting others, that they love through different ways, that they love the galaxy around them, they love their brothers and sisters in the Force, that they love their community and their culture?  That they just don’t seem to really want love and romance? Even those that do feel romantic feelings (setting Anakin aside, of course) still find the Jedi path to be a fulfilling one.  Obi-Wan may have had romantic feelings for Satine (which was apparently fine, it’s about his commitment and where he places it, I’m pretty sure that was the whole point of the Obi-Wan/Satine relationship, to be a narrative foil for Anakin/Padme, where Anakin does prioritize his feelings for Padme over his morals and judgement, which results in disaster of epic proportions) but he is a fully realized character without them.  He loves--we see that with Qui-Gon, Ahsoka, Luke, Anakin--that he cares deeply, that he’s a compassionate person, that he lives a life that he considers satisfying.  He becomes a Force Ghost and we can see him looking out over Endor, at the things that have finally been set back to rights, and he’s happy. Even within canon, the Jedi that feel restless and like something is wrong in this galaxy, they’re not restless because they want romance/sex, but because they want to do more as Jedi.  They want to help more people, they want to do more good in the galaxy, and do you know how much that means to me?  That even those who are dissatisfied (setting aside those that leave the Jedi Order because they want to have romantic relationships, which are treated warmly by the Order and by the people who left, like Tula’s grandmother) don’t have to be shoved back into the same box so many mainstream properties shove the characters into?  That it’s not about how, oh, they want traditional nuclear families, but instead that they want MORE of what the Jedi are--more love as shown through service to others, more love as shown through helping others. Do you know what a relief it is to have a group of people who find fulfillment in the same kind of things that I do?  Friendships and helping others and learning/teaching about the galaxy around them and self-reflection/understanding and accomplishments the like?  That these are treated, not just as valuable, not even just as valuable, but more valuable to these specific people?  Without demonizing that they’re totally cool with other people wanting romantic love?  DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS THAT THE JEDI DON’T REALLY SEEM INTERESTED IN ROMANCE OR SEX AND INSTEAD FIND SATISFACTION IN OTHER THINGS?  THAT IT’S NOT ABOUT SUPPRESSING YOURSELF, BUT THAT PEOPLE SOMETIMES JUST REALLY DON’T CARE ABOUT THOSE THINGS.  SOMETIMES EVEN LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE. That the Jedi aren’t just “hey, this one Jedi can be read as aro/ace, that’s neat” but instead the Jedi said, “Hey, how about an ENTIRE CULTURE that vibes hard with aro/ace culture?”  That it’s the one mainstream culture that I can think of that really can be interpreted to say, “You’re not just an outlier, but YOU’RE THE NORM in this fictional society.”  Do you know what kind of value that has to me, as someone who only has the tiniest scraps of representation for this character or that character who maybe might be like me, but are rarely confirmed and are almost always The Different One?  Do you know what kind of value it has to me that it’s not just one or two of them, but that THE CULTURE ITSELF is where I would fit in?  That they built an entire society where nearly all of them seem to be Like Me? AN ENTIRE SOCIETY OF PEOPLE I WOULD FIT IN WITH? Which isn’t even getting into the worldbuilding specifics that are so much fun to play with--like, can you imagine what it would be like to have this psychic connection to this vast field of energy in the cosmos?  To be able to sense the feelings of others around you, to feel their presence even when they’re halfway across the galaxy, to just know what they’re feeling?  To be constantly surrounded by the lights of those souls that are gently nudging up against your own?  The warmth and peace of the Jedi Temple that isn’t just what you see/hear/touch, but also what permeates your very thoughts, the soothing balm on your soul that it would be? Can you imagine what it would be like to have this in your head all the time?

A familiar sense of warmth, of belonging, of finding himself part of an endless lattice of connections that held him and everything else, each fixed in its proper place.  A Force. Romance and sex can be wonderful.  But they are not the sole defining qualities of what it means to be sentient or what it means to be fulfilled.  The Force being described as an endless lattice of connections and warmth, that sounds incredibly wonderful and human to me, that sounds incredibly fulfilling and like everything I could possibly want. That is what the Jedi seek and have found.  That is the foundation of their culture.  That is the culmination of their lives. This is why their relationships are so wonderful and I’m so glad that the iconic Jedi relationships, whether we as fans turn towards shipping them or not, whether we joke about how much you can read into them or not, are ones that are all about other aspects that are just as epic and important. Obi-Wan’s most iconic relationships are with Luke, Anakin, Qui-Gon, Ahsoka.  They’re all incredible ones and it’s not to disparage his feelings for Satine (I love them as a pairing, too!), but that his character is defined more by familial and platonic relationships being just as galaxy-shaking as romantic ones might have been in another story?  That means a lot to me. Anakin is, of course, driven by his romantic relationship with Padme, but think about how important his relationships with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are, ones that don’t have to be seen through the lens of romance.  That the ultimate climax of the prequels was Anakin’s fight with Obi-Wan, a familial connection.  That the ultimate climax of TCW was about Ahsoka’s relationship with Anakin, another familial/platonic connection. Ahsoka is a rising star in the SW franchise and her most iconic connections are with Anakin and Rex, both of which do not have to be interpreted through the romantic/sexual lens, that are complete just as they are presented.  That even when she can no longer be a Jedi, even when that possibility is stolen from her, she still doesn’t need to be defined through romance or sex. Yoda has many important, iconic relationships and is such a central character to the mythos and mythology of Star Wars.  His relationship with Luke is one of the most foundational of the OT, his relationship with Obi-Wan is important when you dig further into the supplementary material, his relationship with Anakin creates some of the most memorable scenes of the prequels.  All without ever having him desire a girlfriend.  Hell, the movies had Yaddle right there and you know what?  She wasn’t Yoda’s girlfriend, he wasn’t her boyfriend, that’s not what they were to each other, because they didn’t really seem to have any desire for that. THAT’S ONE OF THE REASONS I LOVE THE JEDI.  They show compassion and care and love all over the place, but they do it through George Lucas’ views on how people should strive to be, and they do it not through romance, but through friendship and helping others and seeking greater understanding of self-knowledge and artistry through the Force, and none of that should ever make them lesser, just as aromantic and asexual people seeking those same things does not make them lesser. We are people who love just as much as anyone else, we have fulfilling and wonderful lives, I don’t know any aro/ace person who would really even want to change themselves, we find ourselves to be perfectly fantastic the way we are.  I don’t feel some part of me is missing, I don’t feel I’m less interesting because I’m aro/ace, I love being the way I am.  I love how much my friends and family mean to me, I love how much joy I get out of caring for animals or helping other people or even simply yelling about Star Wars with them.  My connections to people are just as wonderful as anyone else’s, regardless of how they’re not in the romantic/sexual category. And, so too are the Jedi.

[genderbinaryisforlosers]

everyone on the carte blanche for the ask meme

everyone? oh boy this is gonna get long ajfhdsf

JUNO

First impression: i, like a lot of people who get into the podcast without knowing a great deal about it, was expecting at most an ambiguously bisexual angst machine with a closely-guarded heart of gold. juno being an explicitly bisexual genderqueer angst machine is perhaps the most pleasant surprise of my life. the angst machine heart of gold characters were kind of my type at the time, so i loved him right away

Impression now: every time i think about juno’s arc from depressed mess held together by bad coping mechanisms, safety pins, and a few good strong puns into someone who can talk about his feelings, feel comfortable about being happy, and recognise when he needs to change, i want to cry about it a little bit. the depth of my love for juno steel has only grown along with him

Favourite moment: juno has a lot of great one-liners and i’m still a big fan of the “on the other hand i wasn’t wearing a watch” bit and who can forget such classics as juno finally deciding to stop moping over nureyev and move on only for him to open the door to his apartment and find nureyev sitting in the dark dramatically, but honestly nothing will ever hit me harder than his sudden, pissed-off declaration of “i can’t die yet, i still have shit to do!” in promised land. god.

Idea for a story: oh i have so many and i want to write most of them so no spoilers, but juno accidentally kidnaps a baby during a carte blanche heist and shenanigans ensue

Unpopular opinion: obviously we all know he’s dummy thicc but i feel like a lot of people forget he’s an actual genius, like the stuff he notices and how he strings it together is sometimes so obscure and he’s almost always right. oh, also juno is not skinny and i will not be taking criticism on that

Favourite relationship: this is so tough because every dynamic is so good, but i think it has to be juno and rita. those two are so good! the best best friends in the world!! i’m really a sucker for any dynamic that’s ridiculously in-sync so i loved these two as soon as juno saw rita’s notes in prince of mars and went “makes perfect sense to me” (which it probably didn’t, because rita, but he trusted that she knew what she was doing which is the important part)

Favourite headcanon: this isn’t really a headcanon but i still think about how juno is (was?) deathly afraid of heights but when he heard rex glass coming he still attempted to climb out of the window. either his aversion to working with dark matters/other people in general was so strong is overrided his fear, or his office was actually on the ground floor. not sure which of these is funnier.

NUREYEV

First impression: we’ve all seen the memes about nureyev knowing juno steel for one (1) day and deciding to Risk It All by leaving him with his name, look at this Hopeless Romantic, this utter DISASTER of a homosexual. the fact the very next time we hear from nureyev (at least directly) he’s patiently waiting in juno’s dark apartment to surprise him with a heist definitely supports this image.

Impression now: even after literally being inside peter’s head, i feel like we didn’t get a real sense of who he is until man in glass, where we find out he aggressively compartmentalises everything that causes him stress. he’s also distinctly someone who’s had his heart broken before, i think, which makes those first appearances of his very strange. but it does remind me of what juno says about diamond, and how he decided to provide the trust first and wait for the trustworthiness to grow in (only to get severely hurt), and i think that’s exactly what nureyev did. i am also... very uneasy with how suspicious he’s behaving this season because obviously i want to believe he’ll sort it all out and not betray the crew but... oof

Favourite moment: the beginning of what lies beyond pt1 where he’s affectionately bullying juno into taking care of himself? cleared my crops watered my skin etc etc etc

Idea for a story: i’d love to hear more about his past as a young thief idolising buddy and vespa (i can’t actually remember if that’s canon or fanon but anyway i wanna read it!)

Unpopular opinion: i think people often cling to an image of him that more resembles his first impressions in season 1 instead of seeing the depth that we’ve been given about his character in season 3

Favourite relationship: him and juno but honestly it’s a close call between them and his budding friendship with rita. even though she learned it by accident, his name is still a point of intimacy and it’s one less secret to keep around her which has to be a weight off his shoulders, at least a little? they seem like they could be really good friends once ultrabots is out of the way. juno steel love (and also bullying) zone activates whenever they’re together

Favourite headcanon: i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - nureyev has never done a household chore in his goddamn life. he doesn’t know the water needs to be hot when you wash dishes.

RITA

First impression: honestly i’m not sure? i don’t remember having a big awareness of her in murderous mask but i remember loving her “note-taking” in prince of mars, i thought she sounded really fun and cute

Impression now: rita is really fun and cute, she’s also an extremely hardworking and dedicated woman who had the guts to throw in with a detective fired from the force and then invest all of her time and money into helping him help people.

Favourite moment: Rita Gets A Knife. enough said

Idea for a story: i don’t know honestly! i really struggle to write rita because her thought processes are so wild and i don’t think any story i could come up with would match mega ultrabots of cyberjustice.

Unpopular opinion: this shouldn’t be unpopular because juno steel himself shares this opinion but all future-jupeter headcanons are incomplete without rita also being a huge part of their lives

Favourite relationship: rita + franny 4ever obviously.. jk it’s juno & rita have you heard rita minute 3 they’re too adorable for this world. im still Soft over their conversation at the end of soul of the people when he said he couldn’t stay in hyperion anymore but he wouldn’t leave with the carte blanche if rita wasn’t coming because he was done leaving her behind, and she threw out all her hesitations on the spot and said call the big guy. speaking of, rita & jet are a close second. instant best friends i love them.

Favourite headcanon: i think this is basically canon now but rita being literally half the height of jet is so good

JET

First impression: “haha lorge funny man puts juno in the trash”

Impression now: jet sikuliaq is one of the dearest characters to me out of anything ever. he is a huge, menacing, polite, kind, sincere man who i would very much like to give me a hug. he’s the best aro ace in outer space and while being generally very levelheaded and straightforward, also takes every opportunity to fuck with juno because it’s very easy and very hilarious to him personally. he is everything my autistic acearo ass needed and i’m so glad to have him

Favourite moment: all of them every single one. him putting juno in the trash is of course a classic and every moment jet chooses to be funny makes my heart happy, but also every piece of genuine advice he gives. i’m a particular fan though of buddy recounting her years in the lighthouse and him saying he became concerned when she didn’t come downstairs at the usual time. “you took the door off its hinges.” “i was deeply concerned.” king of understatement

Idea for a story: again no spoilers for you but..... tools of rust time loop au

Unpopular opinion: this isn’t “unpopular” as much as it is unknown but jet is buddy’s queerplatonic partner and i will keep saying it until everyone believes it

Favourite relationship: jet and buddy,,, just everything about them. the way he suspects when she’s lying, the way she makes tea for him when she expects him to drop by. the fact he comes to check on her when she is 41 seconds late to the family meeting because it’s unlike her to be late and the last time she was late for something her brain was turning to radiation soup. but most especially the way she snaps at him to stay out of her business and he said he could not because he made her promise eight years ago to never stay out of the business of her health, no matter how many times she asked. they r literally in a qpr

Favourite headcanon: i don’t think this is true but i still think it would be funny if the ruby-7 used to be painted red but when jet got it he had it painted green because he Just Really Likes Green (as evidenced by his hovercycle). it’s very funny to me.

BUDDY

First impression: it’s been a minute since i relistened to time gone by but i’m pretty sure the first thing she ever says in the podcast is sliding up to depressed accidental whiskey thief juno and say “that’ll be ten million creds,” scaring the shit out of him, so needless to say i was in love instantly.

Impression now: my love for buddy aurinko has only grown and if it sounds like i already said that in this post it’s because i did about juno and it’s appropriate because the parallels are astounding. the heart of it all gave us such depth to buddy’s internal monologue and why she always sounds like she knows exactly what to say and what that’s like and honestly will i ever be over the heart of it all as an episode? unlikely. i think i’m gonna have a little piece of it in MY heart forever.

Favourite moment: everything she’s ever said is iconic as hell i especially like “in an impressive fit of hubris i’ve decided not to prepare my words for this vow” which made me laugh out loud but once again i must give it up for her iconic “I WANT TO LIVE” moment. honourable mentions to her taking rita out for ice cream and giving juno shooting lessons while she’s in her actual wedding gown. i love her

Idea for a story: buddy and vespa as sun/moon dieties.... that’s all

Unpopular opinion: stop drawing her with a fancy high-tech eye like the theia!! it canonically looks like garbage and it’s described in detail, please, i’m dying, also don’t minimise her scars you bastards

Favourite relationship: buddy and vespa invented romantic love and the entire carte blanche crew’s relationship to her is great but you know by now i’m a slut for buddy & jet out-of-this-world queerplatonic partners. the way she checks in on him during tools of rust to make sure he’s not relapsing and he comes to find her when she is 41 seconds late in the heart of it all to make sure she’s not having a heart problem!! it’s the trust,, the devotion,, the mortifying ordeal of being known

Favourite headcanon: she can sing. absolutely tears it up at karaoke. i’m right

VESPA

First impression: knife lesbian goes STAB. she will heal your wounds but she will be threatening to give you more the whole time

Impression now: she is extremely strong, heart-rendingly tender, and despite being in the older half of the carte blanche crew somehow has unmistakable little sister energy which makes her downright hilarious. i’m so glad she got to marry buddy and they’re official space wives now they’re so good for each other

Favourite moment: both from shadows in the ship, either “GUN!!” “KNIFE?!” (iconic) or when she clocks the dark matters drone pretending to be juno because it called her crazy and juno wouldn’t call her crazy. i’m always a sucker for “shapeshifter fails to fool mark because they Know Each Other Too Well” and it was just *chefs kiss* so good

Idea for a story: i really want to write something about when she was first staying at the lighthouse with buddy post-reunion, and getting to know jet and stuff. i think it would be cute

Unpopular opinion: i know vespa doesn’t canonically have lots of scarring but people who don’t draw her with scarring? cowards.

Favourite relationship: once again, although buddy and vespa invented romantic love, i just love the dynamic between vespa and juno so much. they’ve come so far with each other and their weird sibling dynamic gives me life. at the end of what lies beyond when juno says “we’re not gonna kill her, vespa” and instead of sounding full of Rage and Suspicion she’s like “whyyy notttt?” and he’s like “because i said so!” and that’s just good enough for her even if she’s a bit grumpy about it. i love it.

this took.. a hot minute to do! jshkfjsdgsa thank you dyl ily <3

[vampireqrow-moved]

um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

[fearful-kitten01]

OMG I CAN’T TELL YOU THE CONTEXT OF HOW THIS CROSSED MY MIND BUT:

MMA athlete falls for professional Ballet dancer AU.

Cass is the ballet dancer, Steph is the MMA fighter.

Steph’s athlete name is “Spoiler” because she is famous for knocking out people quickly, “spoiling” the fight by ending it too early.

In every other aspect, however, she’s a showgirl, smiling, dancing and playfighting before she climbs on the ring. A lot of competitors think she’s annoying because of that, but she’s never disrespectful, always bowing to her competitors before and after the fight, no matter the result. She gathers a lot of fans quickly because of her charm.

Cass is a very disciplined dancer. Very serious about her art, practicing all the time.

Adopted by the Wayne family, she had a tough past and has selective mutism. She can sometimes talk to Bruce, Dick, Alfred, Tim, and Babs if she feels comfortable. Other than that, she communicates with sign language.

She is in Gotham’s ballet company. (Maybe she dreams about going abroad, maybe she doesn’t, depends on what’s the main point of the fic really) She seems intimidating to anyone who doesn’t talk to her, but the few dancers that made an effort to know her quickly realized that she’s really sweet and helpful, always happy to help others improve their dance skills

Steph is dragged to a ballet presentation by her friends, Tim and Jason, because their sister is going to be performing and they are endlessly proud of her. It’s an original play from Gotham’s ballet academy, and she thinks she’ll be bored out of her mind, but when the presentations starts and the character called “Black Bat” comes on the stage, she has her eyes glued on the dancer, and when she steps out of the stage she keeps expecting her return.

Tim notices this, of course. He’s smart and he’s known this girl for some time now. He also knows that Steph has never met Cass and can’t wait to see her reaction when she finds out the dancer she’s already head over heels for is his sister.

Of course, Tim insists she meets Cass after the show, and she chokes on her spit when she sees Cass for the first time, in her Black Bat outfit.

She tries to be confident, but she’s a bit of a gay mess tm.

Cass finds her odly endearing.

Steph, upon learning that Cass uses ASL to communicate begs Tim for lessons.

She doesn’t even tries to hide her crush from him, she knows she won’t be able to.

She dedicates herself so much to the lessons that she picks it up surprisingly quickly.

Cass is surprised with how quickly she’s able to have full conversations with her in ASL, even if she has to take it slow and sometimes needs to pause and say things out loud that she still can’t quite translate.

All through this, Steph takes Cass to all kinds of amazing places that Bruce doesn’t let her go to in Gotham, because he’s afraid something bad will happen to her. Steph isn’t afraid of those places, because she grew up in worse ones, and now she can activey protect herself and Cass, so she takes her behind his back.

Steph teaches Cass how to throw punches and some more basic self-defence moves, and she’s too great at it. Cass tries to teach Steph some basic ballet moves, but she’s a complete disaster when it comes to dance, her body too stiff and used to the short and calculated jiu-jitsu moves, or the thightness and rapid moves from boxing.

Cass finds her attempts adorable.

It doesn’t take long for Steph to figure out that Cass can read her body language. She doesn’t think that even Cass fully knows what she’s doing, she just knows that she can always tell how everyone is feeling. Steph spends some time trying to find out why does she have such a skill, and doesn’t realize something very important.

A few days later she wakes up in the middle of the night when the realization hits her

“OH FUCK, SHE KNOWS”

She freaks out about it with Tim, who is just... “Why don’t you confess then?” - “NO I CANT WHAT IF SHE DOESNT LIKE ME” - “If she didn’t like you then she wouldn’t go on dates with you” - “Those weren’t dates?”  “They were to her.” - “Oh. OH.”

She runs after Cass, who’s training in her studio, thinking of this beautiful speech she’s gonna recite to her, but when she gets there she just... Blinks. Stay still, watching this beautiful girl pour her spirit into her art, allowing her to see this piece of her soul, and suddely nothing she could ever say would compare to that. So when Cass is done she goes up to her, placing a hand on her shoulder

“I love you.”

Cass signs to her “I know. Me too.”

“I’m gonna kiss you now.”

Cass nods

And holy shit, it feels like the world is exploding and rebuilding slowly.

After that, whenever she wins a fight Steph yells “This is for you, my Black Bat!” and throws a kiss at the camera or into the crowd.

Every one is confused as fuck, because they’re not out for the general public yet. They just assume she has a boyfriend with that nickname.

When asked about it by the local news, she just says “You really think I’m straight? With all of the effort I’ve put in all this? Kind of offended now, not gonna lie.”

And when Cass is finally ready to come out, everyone is like “Ooooh, that makes sense”

I don’t even ship those two all that much tbh, I even like to headcannon Cass as aro/ace (Although this would work super well for ace Cass too, I guess?) But they are the pairing that fits this the most in my mind. (Although Dickbabs could work too, or even Robinstar (Dick is the ballet dancer, ofc), and maybe even TimKon? Or Damijon? it could work with many ships if you really want to)

So yeah, I’d love for this to be a cliche fic plot. I might even try my hand at it, but rn I can’t sooooo... If someone sees this and feels inspired by it, send me the link when you’re done, hahahahahahaha!

[albatris]

is there romance in atdao or is it all just found famiy vibes? if there is romance im real curious about how peeps would express those kinda feelings

hello hi hello this took me AGES I’m very sorry I kept getting distracted by things such as being asleep

anyway yes thank you for the question! romance? yes, we’ve got some of this going on, sure, though I would count the romance as within the found family c:

I don’t know if you wanted a Ramble™ but this is a topic I can ramble about and I’m in a bit of a rambling mood so you can have a ramble, free of charge, just take it up to the register and have them enter the code “logan this is not what I ordered”

but yeah, your question? about eight vaguely relevant tangents immediately spring to mind! also spoilers?? spoilers after the cut

I really should have formatted this response in a way that puts the super spoiler heavy part at the end but since when have I ever ever in my life made things easy for my dear sweet followers

y’all know what I’m like with spoilers by now 

but yeah, to set the scene, there’s two main romantic......................... situations going on in the story, the first being between Noa and Alice, and the second being between Kai, Tris and Shara. so, the former I would describe as “a legitimate romantic subplot” and the latter I would describe as a character tripping and falling into it by sheer chance and just being like “oh whoops well I guess this is what I’m doing now” which is also extremely valid

Noa and Alice end up not being, like, Confirmed Endgame by the end of the story even though much of the plot looks like it’s heading in that direction, and like...... yeah, in my head, they do end up in a romantic relationship at some point post-story, but I’m not sure on what sort of timeline

during the story itself, it’s established that they do share mutual feelings for each other and this is likely heading towards a romantic relationship, but I think since much of the story sees Noa still trying to find her feet in just, like....... having friends at all, and trusting those friends, and knowing who she is in relation to others on any sort of level, I think near the end of the story she decides that she’s not at a place where she wants to try and figure out a romantic relationship just yet

it’s not a hard no, it’s just a “hey not right now” and a “let’s see what happens later down the track, for now it’s just nice to be around friends” ‘cause even that is just super new territory for her

which I worry will make people feel cheated, but also, I think it’s the ending for this subplot that would make the most sense for where the characters are at and would be the most fitting c:

and secondly there’s like

hm. ok

well, there WAS a vaguely jokey post I made yonks back where I pitched the idea of an ATDAO polyamory ending being just like. Alice who’s dating Noa who’s dating Shara who’s dating Kai who’s dating Tris. and I stand by this being solid as hell. but also, given the ending to Noa’s subplot with Alice, it doesn’t really work in the story canon, n though I think Noa and Shara is a dynamic I really enjoy, it would likely not actually play out in reality :P

which leaves the trio of Shara, Kai and Tris, a trio I’ve always vibed with and had vaguely on my radar as a valid poly ending but for some reason didn’t twig that I could just, like, make it canon and no one can stop me LMAO

but yeah, this one, like I said, it’s not so much aHD whole big subplot, it’s just something that falls into place super casually and is never really brought up beyond “oh is this a thing that’s happening?” “yeah” “cool ok”

I think there’s a brief window as a reader where you might be like “ugh this is gonna be a stupid love triangle or some weird jealousy thing” but then it just ends up being a complete non-issue. there’s basically zero romantic drama for this plotline, Tris and Shara are bros and Kai is dating both of them

n as for your question itself, it depends on whether you mean, like.......... how they would go about expressing to someone else that they have romantic feelings or, like, how they express their affections in a romantic scenario

‘cause for the former, the answer for both Tris and Noa is just.... they don’t

Noa because at the start of the story she views her crush on Alice as a huge fucking inconvenience that’s going to make things messy and complicated, so she just tries to ignore her romantic feelings as hard as she can (obviously this doesn’t last hahaha). but yeah, she’s just very pissed off that she has a crush and doesn’t want to acknowledge it :P she also has no idea how to respond when Alice expresses romantic interest in her, this is all extremely new territory

and Tris because he doesn’t realise he’s even experiencing romantic feelings in the first place?? like. the boy has so much baseline anxiety jitteriness that stuff like, idk, feeling your heart pick up pace, butterflies in the stomach, any kinda social nerves you get around the people you like, etc, he experiences this with Kai and is automatically just like “great now you’re here and I’m having a panic attack can you please leave”

just slaps a label of Bad Vibes onto it then later is like Wait A Minute

but yeah, I think neither of them would be super comfy actually expressing their feelings out loud or making that first move, Noa because she’s super fuckin petty and stubborn and Tris because he’s waaaaaaaay too fuckin socially anxious for that shit are you kidding

in terms of how they express their affections though??

so like. I have to reiterate that I’m aro and ace and I have a lot of difficulty in articulating what makes a romance A Romance, like??? I have relationships that are friendships and relationships that are romantic, but I myself don’t really experience romantic attraction in the way other people do

as such, the way I write characters in their romantic expressions tends to be just an extension of how they act in their friendships? which I think is a pretty ok thing to base a romance off anyway, but like, yeah, romance, this is a mystery to me for the most part, do I look like I know what a romance is

anyway I think once Alice and Noa get a little closer there’s a lot of good-natured ribbing and friendly insults, n since they already had a bit of a rivalry going on beforehand I would imagine this competitive streak doesn’t disappear :P Noa is generally uncomfy with being Openly affectionate and soft with others, so I think there would be a lot of more “indirect” ways she shows this care. I think they have the kind of relationship where from an outside perspective you don’t really get how it’s warm and affectionate, but it’s just ‘cause you don’t know the lingo, right

Tris is just the cheerleader type in all friendly relationships I think, lots of encouragement and hype and compliments and enthusiasm, he’s very excitable and very easily impressed hahahaha. though I think it takes people a while to click that he’s legitimately being 100% earnest and genuine, the constant deadpan does not work super well in his favour

anyway I’m gonna hop back up for a sec so I can cover Shara and Kai real quick

these two are............ a bit more direct with actually verbalising their feelings to people? Shara is a socially anxious type, but also not someone who enjoys beating around the bush, n she generally likes to just speak what’s on her mind and be direct with others whenever she can. Kai just kinda........ I mean, I don’t think they consider romantic affections to be a super big deal? at least in theory? I say in theory ‘cause, like, I think they give the impression that this kind of conversation is just super smooth and easy for them, and on the inside they’re like “it’s really not a big deal it’s just feelings it’s whatever” but they’re still anxious about it and had to hype themself up for like a week before going through with it lmao

but ye, in terms of how they express their affections, they’re both fairly similar. you suddenly will just Not Be Able To Get Rid Of Them, they’ll constantly be hanging around in the same space or dragging you into whatever shenanigans they’ve got going on, I think for both of them their favourite expression of love is just sharing in experiences or sharing the same space, just Being Involved And Around 

a “hey come help me run errands” type or a “I’m gonna hang off the back of your sofa while you’re studying and sometimes slingshot balls of paper at you with a rubber band” type :P

and now I have to go on Another Tangent just ‘cause the subject matter is vaguely relevant and idk where else I’m gonna go on this tangent

there is definitely some part of me that’s still super super fond of the idea of Kai being aro??? and I initially did write them as such, but for the moment this is not something that’s remained canon in text ‘cause I’m a little bitch ‘cause like

Kai would be aro in very much the same way I am, which is to say, they’re a person who is extremely full of love and who has difficulty in differentiating what the step is supposed to be between friendship feelings and romantic feelings, so, someone who may not necessarily “get” what makes a romance a romance or experience any feelings different from a strong friendship, but who is still open to being in a romantic relationship

(the difference between us being that Kai Really Really Likes People and enjoys being close with others as much as possible, where I’m more the awkward standoffish hermit type lmao)

but yeah, I was kinda like. well. despite being a perfectly valid aro person in a romantic relationship myself, if I were a fictional character people would probably call me bad rep HAHAHA. like “yeah they’re apparently aro but they don’t really ACT aro and the author put them in a romantic relationship ://”

and while I think there’s value to be had in fiction in exploring the different ways a person can be aro, I just, like................... thought about the hypothetical future discourse and was just like UGH. I cannot be fucking BOTHERED

I get enough people in real life being like “ok but you’re not REALLY aro like why do you even bother having that label it’s not like it matters in your context” even though I’m the goddamn expert on my own experiences you bastards

lmao

but yeah I think aro Kai is canon in my heart hahahaha. and they may end up articulating some of the same feelings, maybe just not with the label applied, who knows

anyway that’s my rambles done I think! thanks for reading n have a nice night c:

[carewyncromwell]

This is going to sound weird, but I think I'm an ace?? I don't really know though. I've looked it up before and it's kinda confusing all the labels and such, but also makes sense to me??? Since the description says carey is an ace, could you please explain it? Like what's it about, and how did carey find out she was one? How does she know that she's not Pan? Does she come out to others? Sorry if this is a bad ask :(

Hi, Anon! Well, like Carewyn, I identify with the asexual spectrum, though I’m still romantic...so hopefully going into my experiences (which colored Carey’s) might help? Naturally everyone’s experience is a little different, even if they’re the same or a similar sexuality, but sometimes one can find common ground. all the same.

First things first, one must split asexuality up into some categories, for it is a spectrum:

Asexuality (Ace) is feeling little to no sexual attraction. One can feel romantic or even aesthetic attraction even if they don’t have much interest in or are actively disinterested in sex. Some ace people are also sex-repulsed, meaning they are actively turned-off by sex, but a lot of ace people aren’t. People who are asexual can still have sex or masturbate and even enjoy it, but generally don’t have as much interest in it as straight/gay/bi/lesbian/pan/etc. (A.K.A. allosexual, meaning “feeling any kind of sexual attraction”) people do. Some people on the asexual spectrum like to use this word rather than any of the following terms as it’s the most all-encompassing and recognizable, even though asexuality in general still isn’t very well-understood in mainstream society.

Demisexuality (Demi-Ace) is only feeling sexual attraction after creating a close emotional bond with someone.

Graysexuality (Gray-A) is only feeling sexual attraction very sparingly or in limited amounts.

Asexuality can also be refined further depending on what if any kind of romantic attraction one feels.

Some asexuals don’t feel any romantic attraction at all. These people are asexual/aromantic, or aro-ace. These sorts of people are perfectly happy just experiencing platonic love. They also sometimes enter into what are called queerplatonic relationships, which are individualized and customizable relationships that sort of play with the conventions of what’s generally classified as “romantic” and what’s classified as “friendship” (for instance, some queerplatonic relationships involve hand-holding, others don’t; some involve sex, others don’t; some involve two partners living together, others don’t; some involve exclusivity with one partner, others don’t).

Some asexuals, however, do feel romantic attraction, at which point they can be split in a similar way as sexualities are, except romantically. This is how you get people who are asexual/homoromantic (being romantically attracted to the same gender), asexual/heteroromantic (being romantically attracted to the opposite gender), asexual/biromantic or panromantic (being romantically attracted to multiple genders), and so on.

For me, I only first suspected I might be asexual as an adult, as when I was a teenager I hadn’t even known it was a thing. Before then, I’d been romantically attracted to and dated both a woman and a man, and looking back on my experiences, I was very aware of how much less interest I had in intimacy compared to my partners. I just always found myself getting bored whenever we’d share long, deep kisses or restless whenever we were cuddling too long, even if I really enjoyed being with my partner. Whenever sex would come up, I was just never really that interested -- especially in comparison to how interested I’d be in going out and doing things with my partner, like going to the movies or watching a show or even just having a spirited debate about something. When I was younger as well, I always felt very out-of-the-loop whenever anyone my age gushed about how “hot” a celebrity was or made sexual innuendos. It’s not that I didn’t know what the innuendos meant or that I was a prude, either -- there were plenty of times I’d use those terms myself or write “lemon” fanfictions for my fandoms, to fit in -- but I always felt like the things that drew me to people were different than what drew other people to them. My crushes were almost never about how “sexy” someone was -- if anything, I most frequently ended up getting crushes on people for their singing voices. (Yes, I’m serious. XDDD) I’d also have trouble relating to people talking about a certain woman having a great ass or a certain guy’s muscles because my brain really just doesn’t split people up into pieces like that. I’m much more likely to find someone beautiful because of their sparkling eyes or their bright smile than because of their body -- it’s not that I can’t see someone as beautiful all the way around, but it’s much more of an aesthetic attraction, like one might feel toward a piece of art, than anything that gets you hot and bothered. And it took me a long time before I really could figure out the difference and therefore why I had such difficulty relating to the allosexual people around me. At times it made me feel stupid or, worse, like there was something wrong with me. I felt like maybe I’d just been born missing something, and it made me that much more afraid to even open myself up, because I felt like I wouldn’t be able to be what anyone I might fall in love with would need me to be. Fortunately I learned otherwise, and now I feel a lot better, now that I understand this aspect of myself. It also makes it a lot easier for me to talk about LGBT+ issues and about romantic relationships with other people, now that I can better explain where I fit on the spectrum!

I see Carewyn, like me, only really learning about what asexuality is as an adult, and once she did and did the proper amount of soul-searching, she came out to her friends about her identity. I personally HC her “unofficial twin” and fellow Fireball Charlie Weasley being aro-ace and her future love interest Orion being gray-A, so that definitely helps a bit...and I also HC several of Carewyn’s other friends as LGBT+ too, including her ex-boyfriend Andre Egwu, so they’re all pretty accepting. ^.^

[youidiotprince]

I hope it’s okay to ask and I don’t come off as rude somehow. What is you romantic orientation? And how did you figure that out? I struggle a lot with figuring out what my sexual/romantic orientation is and I thought this might help (me and others too). You don’t have to answer ofc but I you do thank you!!!💘

tw: mention of internalized homophobia and homophobia in the first paragraph only

It’s totally okay to ask and doesn’t come off as rude to me at all! I totally understand struggling with your sexual/romantic orientation. It can be a lot!! At this current moment, I identify as biromantic. I could see myself in a romantic relationship with someone of any gender. I think the hardest part of figuring that out was accepting that I also very much like girls bc I had hella internalized homophobia growing up bc my brother called me a lesbian and made fun of me for being a lesbian for like two whole years of my life in middle school/early high school and that like really messed with my perception of what’s “allowed” and “acceptable.” Like I stopped showing or accepting any physical affection to/from my girl friends bc I didn’t want anyone to think I was into any of them and even now I’m weird about intimacy in friendships so that’s something I’m still working through.

But after I went to college I kind of started to accept the bi part before the asexual part, but once I figured out the asexual part, it got more difficult to try to understand the biromantic part, bc I’m just like, how does this all work together? I’ve gone through phases where I’m like, am I actually aroace but was raised on notions of romance so I desire it in theory, like in a socially constructed kind of way, but I don’t actually feel the feelings?? Bc I’ve seen aspec posts about how sometimes ace/aro people will misidentify as bi or pan at first bc what they feel towards all genders is the same, it’s just that what they’re feeling isn’t attraction but they don’t have/don’t want to use the language to express that yet. So I’ve been like, am I actually aroace and have developed crushes on people my entire life bc it’s what I’ve been socialized to do? And I can develop a crush on anyone bc what I feel towards everyone is the same bc I’m aroace? And my idea of a “crush” isn’t actually what everyone else feels when they get a crush? But I think during those phases I’ve just been too in my head about the whole thing, bc it is kind of confusing, and at least for now I feel most comfortable with the bi label bc the crushes do feel real on a romantic level.

So basically I’ve had crushes on girls and boys so far and I can’t deny that and they’ve felt real from a romantic perspective (and not socially constructed) so I use the biromantic label. But it can be really difficult and confusing and you’re not always going to find a label that seems to fit perfectly so it’s okay in my opinion to pick the label that fits best but let yourself feel whatever you feel and let yourself surprise you, and it’s okay to reconsider a label if you feel like things have changed/your understanding has changed. And of course there is no pressure to find a label, you don’t need to label yourself unless it will make you feel more comfortable/accepted to have the community that can come with the label!

I feel like this answer made even less sense than the ace answer but idk I feel like I’m more sure of the ace part so maybe that’s why haha and like with the last post I’ll probably make a bunch of edits to this after I post it bc I’ll reread it and be like... why did you say that... so look out for that! If you have any more questions feel free to ask. I’m sending hugs 🤗

[moonlights-shadow-warrior]

Hi, I’ve been following you for a hot minute and wanted to ask about how you define your asexuality and gray-romanticness. I am a poly/pan trans-guy trying to wrap my head around it and from your posts you always seem super nice and down to earth. Sorry if this is a weird question ^~^’

Ngl your ask did catch me off guard, although that was mostly due to the fact that a) I never get asks, and b) I rarely post my own stuff or comment on others’ posts so the fact that you said I seem nice and down to earth ‘cause of my posts threw me for a bit of a loop. Sweet though, and I’m glad I come off that way even though my blog is really just a mishmash of things I like and that catch me eye

Now as for your question

TL:DR Defining my asexuality means I don’t feel sexual attraction towards others (never have in my almost 23 years of life) and it honestly kinda confuses me simply because it’s something I’ve never experienced before and when others talk about it I just don’t get it

As for my greyromanticism, it’s more a transitional term as over the years I went from having loads and loads of crushes (I think) as a kid to now where I haven’t had a crush for multiple years as I move closer and closer to being aro ‘cause of some trauma that happened in my life. Same trauma is part of why gender does make a difference in my attraction now

Gonna start this off with some backstory saying I used to identify as bisexual, then pansexual, ‘cause I’d never heard of asexuality before and gender didn’t really play a part in my like for someone. And from the terms I knew, those seemed like the obvious choice at the time. But I also didn’t really,,, get it when some of my friends talked about how hot a person was or their list of actors they wanted to bone (and just celebrity crushes in general now that I think about it, although that could’ve very easily been due to the fact I can’t for the life of me remember who’s who in the realm of Hollywood). I’d just sorta nod along and listen ‘cause hey, people are different and just ‘cause we’re both pan doesn’t mean our experiences are exactly the same

Now at this time I was reading a lot—and I mean a lot—of fanfics ‘cause of escapism and all that jazz. And in one fic I came across there was a character—my favorite character—that was ace. When it got mentioned I didn’t think much of it ‘cause it was just ‘oh cool new term I haven’t heard before’. But then it was explained not only what asexuality was, but also what sexual and romantic attraction were—with examples for each of them—and how they didn’t always line up for some people. And it just

Clicked

I did a bit more research on it, reading things that other aces had posted talking about being ace, and it felt like it just fit me

It’s probably been close to 7 years since I last read that fic, but it was explained something like this

Have you ever looked at someone and wanted to fool around with them, maybe take a tumble in the sheets, but would never want to date them? That’s sexual attraction

And have you ever looked at someone and had your heart flutter and just wanted to go on dates and maybe kiss them but you wouldn’t describe them as sexy and the thought of having sex with them either didn’t cross your mind or made your stomach turn? Romantic attraction

And feeling the latter without the former? Well you might just be ace

Of course this isn’t a universal thing for those under the ace umbrella, but it worked for me and helped me realize something about myself

I don’t feel sexual attraction, which was why all those times my friends talked about how sexy someone was or who was on their f list, it felt like a foreign concept to me and the most I could say to relate was “well they are cute”

As for my greyromanticism, that one’s not as clear cut. Also cw for bad parenting and divorce/bad breakups basically idk

Like I said above, I used to get a lot of crushes as a kid. Looking back, were they all actually crushes or just me thinking a person looked cute? Who knows, but I’m pretty sure there were some

Walking in late only to see the new kid sitting there and immediately my heart rate picked up and I had trouble looking directly at them without blushing? Then picking up an instrument that they played just to try and be seated next to them in band class even though I had no idea what I was doing and had barely talked to them before?

Crush

Get partnered with someone for one assignment and then always trying to sneak glances at them out of the corner of my eye and it just so happens that they ended up in a lot of my photos of my middle school DC field trip?

Crush

Playing spin the faygo just for the chance to make out with one person ‘cause they’re hella cute and within an hour of knowing each other we immediately linked hands and threaded our fingers together while walking around?

Crush

Just as a few examples. Also I was shy and didn’t know how to socialize, which didn’t help at all in the creepiness factor

Now could some of my crushes have actually been just me becoming attached to someone who was nice to me one (1) time? Maybe, who knows, not me

Like I said above, me identifying as greyro is more transitional as I move closer and closer to identifying as aromantic ‘cause of trauma. Was I actually always arospec but just hadn’t heard of the terms like with asexuality? I don’t know because only after everything did I come across the term and my memory is so poor that I can’t properly recall the feelings I experienced. Even the above may not be accurate because my memory’s so spotty and my mind likes to insert things that never actually happened or are wildly different from what everyone else remembers

Which sucks but I digress

So that trauma I keep mentioning. As a child that had to deal with a rough divorce, it can bring on a whole slew of issues, some of which relate to relationships. I called my parents’ divorce almost a decade before it actually happened, and watching it go downhill to the point they could barely stand to be in the same room was rough. Not only that, but I had to give relationship advice to my father, from saying that he should go through with the divorce to giving my opinion on who he should date and if he should break it off or power through a rough spot or not come home for the night. Needless to say, all that warped my perception just a bit

And while that was happening, I had to deal with my own rocky high school relationships

While I haven’t dated a lot of people, a lot of the breakups were bad. Maybe not bad right away and we’d continue on being friends afterwards, but down the line something would happen where they’d either drop all contact or blow up at me without me knowing why or realizing something was off in the first place. And paired with the after effects of the divorce, it was a bad combination

But the golden lining was a breakup so terrible that it caused my datemate to hallucinate and go into such a depressive state that I’m pretty sure the after effects still influence how they act today when it comes to relationships. The four of us talked about moving in together, having a double wedding and all that. But then one left out of the blue and the other became harder and harder to contact until there was no response. And that all happened less than a month after I finally ran away from all the bs of the divorce and my father asking for relationship advice and being dropped so suddenly after what I thought was a good breakup

And after that I can only pinpoint 2 maybe crushes around the same time less than a year later

So yeah, traumatic

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, because I hadn’t heard of the term

But even then I told my datemate that if we broke up I will never be in another romantic relationship after them because of everything. Because I didn’t really believe in love anymore

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, even when I had heard of the term

I thought, nah, that’s not me, because I still thought I had crushes, as few and far between as they were. Because I didn’t know there were other kinds of attraction

And then my datemate asked if I had a crush on this one person, and I said no, and I realized that was the truth. I hadn’t had a crush on them. I wanted to hold their hand and cuddle and maybe give light pecks, protect them as best I could, but it wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t the same feelings as what I remember feeling in my childhood, what I feel towards my datemate

I had a squish, and once I realized that things started making a bit of sense. There were people I wanted to hold their hand, laze around in a cuddle pile to be close to them, maybe give them quick innocent pecks because I’m touch starved and want affection. But never were the feelings romantic

If that trauma had never happened, would I still say I’m panromantic instead of bi greyromantic? Who knows, not me

But what I do know is that if something were to happen and my datemate and I were to split, that the single romantic attraction I have felt in years was severed, I’d full on say I’m aro because they are my exception

My greyromanticism is transitional. It’s not “I feel romantic attraction sparingly” or “have a hard time distinguishing platonic from romantic” or the other common definitions I’ve seen around, but rather “I used to feel romantic attraction all the time, but now only feel it towards one person and if that were to go away, I wouldn’t feel it at all”

Sometimes I doubt myself, thinking maybe I’m experiencing crushes and just don’t realize it or am in denial. But then I think about it again and tell my doubt to shut up because that’s wrong and I know it

And wow that was a lot and I’m pretty sure I spent ~4 hours writing this without realizing it. I hope this answered your question though!! Word vomiting like this helped me realize a few things myself

Also wow I need therapy more than I thought

[darklingichor]

A rant on Sherlock Holmes, Romance, and the Expectations of Fiction

*Sigh*

I fear that I have come across yet another book that insists on turning Sherlock Holmes into a love interest.

Now, I'm only a quarter of the way through and it isn't clear if Holmes will reciprocate, but the lady character is annoying enough because she has very suddenly come down with a crush on the detective, after having shown no interest before.

This literally came out of nowhere in a book that has done amazingly well at characterization of both Holmes and Watson while also playing with other characters from classic stories, and having well developed women characters who do not suddenly get crushes because a guy is paying attention to another woman for 30 seconds. And, this book, like so many, has enough going on without a lovesick sub plot. But I will get to that when I review that one.

This seems like a good as time as any to vent my spleen about  using Holmes as a romantic figure.

First, the brilliantly disguised elephant in the room: The Late Miss Adler.

I lothe when Irene Adler is made out to be a love interest, I have yet to see an interpretation where it doesn't come off as awkward.  Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I never saw Holmes’s admiration of Adler as being romantic or sexual in nature. He admired her as an equal; equal in cunning, equal in intelligence. She fooled him and he respected that. That is why he refered to her as The Woman he didn’t even see Watson as a full equal and he sure didn’t feel that any woman could be his equal in anything he thought of as important.

I also don't get why she is depicted as having a similar personality to Holmes. In A Scandal in Bohemia, Adler is using an incriminating picture as insurance against a royal, yes, but in the end she assured Holmes that all she really wanted was to keep herself safe from any action the King of Bohemia might take against her, it is implied that she had real romantic feelings for the King at one time as she felt "cruelly wronged" by him, but will not use the photo against him.  This is a woman with a brain, but she has a warmth to her that Holmes rarely has. Adler simply played chess with the master and won, she's not another Holmes.

It drives me crazy that modern writers can't fathom Holmes without a romantic relationship. I mean, how on Earth can you make a love story with a guy who does cocaine when he's bored? Keep in mind that without a case he's always bored!

He never showed any interest in any connection like that in the source material and this wasn't Victorian repression at work because Watson had his relationship with Mary, A Study in Scarlett had a love story in it. Clearly, matters of the heart were not taboo for Doyle.

I would totally go for the Holmes and Watson as a couple acting as two friends living together if it weren't for the fact that there is no subtext for this.

As genius as he is Holmes only devotes headspace to what helps with his work. Watson had to tell him that the earth revolves around the sun. He didn't know this basic fact because he doesn't need to know it to do what he does, so who cares?

With the exception of his violin and drugs, everything is focused on cases. And what do those two things have in common with his work? He can pursue them in his own way and no one will question him.

He has a lot of freedom when working with Scotland Yard because his methods get results, he plays the violin for himself, the drugs  occupy his mind when cases are sparce.

This is not a person who would have the desire to start and maintain any sort of relationship.

Watson is the exception because he lets Holmes be Holmes. He doesn't like that he does drugs, he may question and be concerned over behavior but in the end, he knows that he will do what he will do and he's learned not to take much of his behavior personally.

But his behavior in a romantic relationship? I just don't see it, not in a literary sense anyway, which is really all I can speak to.

I maybe aro ace but I know a decent love story when I read one and Holmes wouldn't fit into one. To be Holmes he would be a crappy partner, or the relationship would have to change him into someone who isn't the character we love.

I'm not saying that Doyle was making some sort of statement in making Holmes the way he his, I'm saying he wanted to make a single minded brilliant detective who solved mysteries and had adventures. Love never factored in because that's not what the stories are about.

Popular culture is so saturated with romantic and sexual love being the ultimate goal, we think that all stories need a romance to be interesting and to follow a character through multiple stories means following them through relationships.

Never mind if it fits the story, it just has to be there. Somewhere along the line it was decided that for a character to be interesting, for a story to hold interest, the main character had to have a love interest, to make them "relatable".

Let's forget the inharant dehumanization of people who do not have or may not want romantic relationships in this line of thinking, for the moment.

Doyle wrote multiple stories with Holmes as the central character, but he never intended for him to be relatable, that's what Watson is for. Holmes isn't meant to be the every man. He's meant to be a singular personality the world's only consulting detective.

He also wrote all of these stories without Holmes having a love interest, and people still read them. The very fact that these modern writers who take Sherlock Holmes and reimagine him, but either shoehorn in an element that doesn't fit, or change the character to make him fit what they think sells is, in my opinion, insulting.

Holmes and Watson, as Doyle made them orginated in the 19th century. In the 21st century, they are still well known and loved enough to inspire movies, TV shows and various books. And some of these writers think that they can improve the character by making the man who will allow his closest friend to think he's dead, fall in love? Seriously, other than acting for the sake of a case, can anyone imagine Holmes sincerely courting anyone? And then for the modern set retellings. Picture Holmes on a date.

"Good evening, darling. Have I told you about my recent insights into the categorizing of ash? You may be interested since I can see that you have recently started smoking again.

How do I know? Oh, the tell tale smell under the purfume is evident, but could be explained by spending time with someone who is a heavy smoker. However, add that I observed you looking around for an outdoor ashtray when you got out of the cab. There is also the matter of you glancing at your watch to see when leaving to have a cigarette will not seem rude. You also seem to have the tense energy of one who has reintroduced a stimulate that has been long out of the body. What? Don't be rediculous, logically speaking, I cannot be the reason you smoke."

Add to his habit of shooting at walls, anyone in a relationship with him would be half tempted to brain him and call it self defense.

I can hear you say, but what about Watson?

Holmes and Watson are unboutly the most important relationships in either's life, they are more like friends or brothers. Because Holmes doesn't need anything else and Watson, sucks at it a little bit.

All of this is to say: Holmes doesn't need to focus on romance in his stories, there is no reason to force him to in others!

[alloftheendgamefeelings]

More Endgame spoilers and analysis about Natasha. I prefer to think of myself less as a broken record, and more as playlist you leave on repeat.

I keep trying to deconstruct my response to Natasha’s death, because I was genuinely surprised at how STRONGLY i reacted. As much as I want her alive in the MCU, the same any fan does, I’m aware fiction isn’t real, I wasn’t expecting her to show up in the MCU beyond her movie next year anyway, and I'm perfectly content reading non-canon-compliant fic. Unless Disney got real cool with queer polycules none of my ships were ever going to become canon, and this movie helped my aro/ace Nat headcanon quite well. Additionally, the idea of Natasha being willing to sacrifice absolutely fits my feelings about her as character while contradicting with a lot of terrible opinions about her I’ve seen on the internet, and I absolutely love how heroic my girl was.

But I keep having feelings. So I’ve been trying to delve in and figure it out, because over-intellectualizing is my favorite way to deal with fictional trauma.

And I think a lot of it is related to the value of her sacrifice.

I mean, let’s be clear. Every single stone the Avengers got, which allowed them to snap Thanos out of existence, saved the world. What she did was vitally important and not at all in vain.

But there was nothing about it that was special to her. Natasha’s spy skill set really didn’t factor in to the plot of IW/Endgame at all. There was no reason it was her, and not a random person, who was sacrificed on Vormir.

The writers and directors talked about how they’d considered it being Clint, and about how they opted not to because it would be too melodramatic after he was searching for his family, but what it feels like they never decided is why Natasha. And I don’t mean why Nat in terms of the very valid criticisms that her being unmarried/childless makes her somehow more expendable than Clint; I mean, why didn’t they set it up so that it was only her.

Moreover, Natasha was sacrificed- her life was given up in exchange for the stone- but we don’t see what was sacrificed not having Natasha there for the latter half of the movie. And I know that sounds like splitting hairs, but I think it’s key- we know some men are sad by not having Natasha, but we don’t see the value she could have brought by being there. We don’t see that her presence could have made things easier to beat Thanos; we are denied the opportunity to see what her absence brought, and that lessens how we see what her value was.

No one but Tony could have built the mechanical gauntlet and used it. It was an incredible move that could ONLY be Tony Stark, could ONLY be Iron Man, and was absolutely an ending specifically for Tony. The mourning, too, worked on all those levels: people missed Tony the person, Tony the friend, and Tony the hero.

Natasha’s ending isn’t specifically hers. It is a Loss hanging over the team, but it’s amorphous in ways it didn’t have to be. We have had several movies of learning about Natasha’s very specific skill sets, and we’ve seen her leading multiple teams. The film would have hugely benefited from spending 30 seconds showing the team needed her: when they were strategizing and a needed different perspective; when they were on the battlefield and looking for someone small instead of strong; when they realized someone was going to have to explain what had happened to the world (half of whom had no idea they’d even been gone) and their public relations Avenger was no longer there. It could have been about her sense of humor or the way she rallied the team or the way everyone was used to her always being there because across several Avengers teams, she’s the one who haws always been there. It would have been so easy to acknowledge her contributions, through the hollowness of not having it available anymore.

But the text took her for granted. Her role is less to have been lost but to be The Loss- to be something that makes the men feel, rather than to be a resource (socially and also strategically) whose absence makes a material difference in the rest of the film.

Natasha- the one who doesn’t have powers, the one who’s small, the one who survived abuse and who we met at the far side of her redemption arc, whose journey on screen was not to figure out how to be a hero but to figure out how to make connections, who struck a chord in me like no other character had done in ages- deserved to be important. This movie showed me that Clint was really sad she was gone, and Bruce and Steve were upset too. I can read in a ton more, and I will, but that’s me coming to the text with it; the movie didn’t give it to me. I have to do the work to see how Natasha mattered to the Avengers as a person rather than an object they lost.

It devalues the character. And as someone who overrelates to Nat most out of all the characters in the MCU, it makes me feel undervalued by the heroes I want to look up to. And that makes me sad.

But, I mean, hey. I guess she’ll have a lot of time to find her value during her eternity trapped in solitary confinement by the Red Skull, right? :/